#and she has to go because she can no longer be a part of what she dreamed

[lightseoul]

a/n. i really don't know where i'm going with this, y'all. but getting to role-play as a therapist and explore bakugou's psyche has been lots of fun, so bear with me. please let me know what you think and/or would want to see! maybe that'll give me an idea lol. (1.1k)

navigation. part 1, part 2, (you are here)

“n-no.”

at that, the woman’s eyebrows shoot up, disappearing underneath her fringe. “no?”

“you heard me,” bakugou spits instinctively, immediately regretting how hostile that sounded not even a second later. “i mean, no, i didn’t.”

his therapist, apparently unfazed by his show of aggression—she must’ve gotten used to it by now, although he still feels bad when he gets testy—only jots something down in her clipboard before looking back up at him, an inexplicable expression etched across her features.

“do you have any ideas, then, why, for the first time in seemingly forever, you’re fixating on a particular social encounter?”

bakugou barely manages to bite back a scowl.

he hates it—this part. the part where his psychologist obviously has theories as to why he’s acting a certain way or how he’s actually feeling but chooses to ask him instead, in an attempt to draw it out of him.

as if talking about difficult shit in the first place isn’t already painful enough.

and isn’t that what he’s paying her to do? give him answers? why’d he have to be the one to wrack his brain for uncomfortable answers to uncomfortable questions?

“do you?” he then challenges, emboldened by that train of thought just now.

“yes,” she responds truthfully and without missing a beat it somewhat surprises him. “but as i’ve explained to you before, i think it’ll be helpful for you if we try a more active approach on your end so that any insights gleaned from our discussions become more personalized and stick with you longer.”

well, then. fuck.

the lady’s got a point.

“so,” she continues when he doesn’t reply, annoyingly aware her little spiel got to him, “any ideas? working hypotheses?”

“uh,” he starts begrudgingly, eyes roving over the bookshelves lining the room’s walls as he struggles to come up with another angle. then it dawns on him, and he looks directly at the woman. “i didn’t expect to see someone in here, and when i did, it caught me off guard.”

“that may be because most of our clients opt for virtual consultations rather than face-to-face ones.”

“yeah,” he piles on quickly, admittedly thankful for the validation, and for the fact. the absolute last thing he needs is to bump into some extras before and after therapy. “that must be why.”

“but how does that explain your, and i quote, ‘dumb as shit reaction’?”

bakugou instantly feels himself flame. he clears his throat, “i told you, didn’t i? it caught me off guard. how the fuck did you expect me to react?”

that must’ve been a reasonable point, thank the fuck, because the woman pauses in thought before nodding slowly. “i suppose you’re right.”

he narrowly bites back an of course, i am.

but then she’s spouting off again.

“although it’s interesting to me how your immediate reaction was to say hi, when that’s not really…how should i say, your style, based on our prior sessions and your personality test results.”

a pause.

bakugou scrambles for a bulletproof rebuttal. he comes up short.

the lady cocks her head to the side, curious. “how often would you say you mull over social blunders?”

never, he thinks to himself. because they never happen.

“i figured as much,” comes her unexpected reply, and only then does it dawn on him that he said the last bit out loud.

“can we talk about something else?” he finds himself suddenly asking, totally over this entire conversation. he can worry about being a loser and pathetically begging for an out some other time. right now, he just needs a break.

“actually, you’re in luck,” she checks her smartwatch, “the session’s just about to end.”

at that, his shoulders almost instantly sag in relief, which makes the woman laugh. he shoots her a half-hearted glare.

they spend the next few minutes summarizing what has been discussed, as well as the arrangements for the following weeks, with bakugou eventually throwing his bag over his shoulders and bidding her a mumbled goodbye. he tosses her a nod over his shoulder as he crosses the threshold of her office, mind already drifting to what he’s going to cook himself for dinner.

and that, for a typical session, he’s walking out relatively unscathed.

but then he does the stupid thing of looking up from where he was studying his trainers when a door creaks open, and he freezes.

because standing a few feet away from him, right beside the entrance to the restroom, is you, equally frozen.

he doesn’t know how much time passes with him just staring at you like a motherfucking idiot, and you, strangely enough, peering at him back, but it’s you who eventually takes a hammer to the silence.

“h-hi,” you offer, voice soft and quiet, just like how he vaguely remembers it from two weeks ago.

“hey,” comes his gruff reply, which would’ve been immediately followed by a wince at how rough his tone was just now had he not stopped himself in the nick of time.

at least he didn’t stutter.

“…b-bakugou, right?” you ask after a moment of neither of you saying anything, confirming his earlier suspicions.

“right.”

you nod, a polite yet somehow stilted smile on your face, and suddenly he’s mentally slapping himself. since when was he fucking bound to one-word sentences?

he decides then and there that this shit won’t do.

in an attempt to convince himself that no, this is just a weird outlier of an encounter for him, and that no, he’s not a fucking idiot like dunce face, and that yes, he is and is being perfectly fucking normal, he resolves to ask you for your name.

and he was just about to do that—he swears he was—when someone from the other side of the door calls out a name, and you whip to face their direction, breaking eye contact.

“yes, doc!” you holler back, and he watches you as you hesitate in place for a second, before turning to face him with an awkward smile.

“nice meeting you, bakugou-san.”

and then you’re off and shutting the door behind you.

he stands there for what feels like a few minutes, just blinking at the door in front of him, what must be your name echoing—again and again—up to the far recesses of his mind.

then: fuck.

he may or may not have just lied to his therapist.

˖⁺‧₊ as always, reblogs, replies, and tags are appreciated <3 feel free to drop an ask, too—i'd love to chat with you. have a nice day!

tagging. @bunnysaursushii @yawnzzzzzzzz @cholios @kashee-h @iluv-ace @lotuslovers @elarakive @sugurusmoon @napbatata @k0z3me @h0ngh0ngh0ng @honeyoru @yoongiwithglasses @hellokitty-doll @lilsebnem @tetsuukuroo @crangrapel0ver @syrhra @qyuin | @kalulakunundrum @cheezemanz @gold24fish @lunaryasha

[kouzih]

Pretty boy.

Nam-gyu ( Player 124 ) x male!reader .ᐟ

warnings : has smut-ish parts, angst(?) insecure male!reader, mlm, drug/alcohol use and more stuff..

tags,, @gongyoosgf @cybrasigilism @paulilvsremus

word count: 9.1k !!

( 1/24 WHICH MEANS HAPPY NAM-GYU DAY Y'ALL!!! AAA AAA AAA sorry for the long waiting!! i wanted to make this one a bit longer than my other fics..and yeah!! hope you guys enjoy it 🫶 i'm sorry it's kinda fucked up..no proofread tho!! )

ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁 .ᐟ As you make your way home from the hospital, you look at the bags in your hand again. You were doomed to these medicines to keep your body going. You've always hated this and it's been one of the barriers preventing you from accepting yourself..as a man. A man should be strong, masculine and not dependent on anyone else. Nothing else. With an involuntary sigh, you continued on your way. The bus you were supposed to get on passed you, and although it stopped at the bus stop, you didn't quicken your steps and try to catch the bus. You weren't even upset about missing it, the cold air hitting your face made you feel more alive. The ground was wet from the recent rain, and you arrived at the stop listening to the sounds of your boots hitting the water. You reach into your coat pocket and grab your phone to check the time. Your breath makes your phone screen fog up.

Your friend's text message catches your attention and you call her to reply, knowing that she won't see your message.

After waiting a few seconds, she answers the phone and greets you. "Heyy, what's up?" "Hey. You know, the usual stuff..shitty medicines and..all.." You say the last part in a whisper, lowering your voice when you see someone else approaching your stop. "Ohhhh, hospital shit again? Man, hoe can you deal with those everyday?" "Come again?" You hear a buzzing sound from your phone and realize that she has put it on the desk and turned on speakerphone. "I'm sayingggg, you take those tasteless medicines everyday, give tests and stuff and yet..you don't heal. Like, let's be real,," Even though you knew she didn't mean what she said, you couldn't help but sigh because she was telling the truth. "Mhm." After a hum of agreement for her to continue, you glance at the other person next to you, another face you hadn’t seen before. He had one hand in his pocket as he scrolled through his phone, leaning his face on the railing of the bus stop. You couldn't really hear what your friend was saying, her voice kept breaking because she was busy with something in the back and the stranger next to you had drawn your unnecessary attention.

The stranger tilted his head to the side, letting his hair fall over his face. Using his hand in his pocket to fix his hair, then started recording a voice message. "Yeah, yeah I'll take my bus in uh.." His eyes meet yours, he lowers his phone a little and speaks again. "Do you know when next bus will come?" "In 2 minutes or so-" "In 2 minutes, like that guy said." Shaking his head slightly, he drops the voice recording, sighs and puts his phone back in his pocket, opening the front of his coat a little, causing steam to form when his hot breath meets the air.

Unable to take your eyes off him, you turn around, realizing that you have been staring at him for a long time. "Ah- sorry. I wasn't listening.." You whisper to your friend on the other end of the phone, and when you hear a laugh from her, you look down with a slightly embarrassed face. "Yeah, don't worry it was obvious, anyway." Your pupils dilate as her voice on the phone gets louder and what she says gets louder. "I was wondering if maybe we could go to a club, what do you say? We can visit the place where my friend hangs out all the time."

"A club?" Your voice must have come out louder than you intended because you hear the sound of the stranger moving next to you, so you clear your throat and continue speaking. "I mean, sure. When exactly?" You're not a person who can drink, you cannot put anything in your mouth except light things because it affects you too much. But it could still be a good way to clear your head...at least for one night to escape your problems. "This night. You don't have any plans, right?" Of course, you didn't have any plans. You couldn't really have any other plans than going to your apartment and staying there all day. "Sounds good." Before you know it, the bus has already arrived. You raise your head and take a step towards the bus, telling your friend that you will call her later. You get into the same bus with the stranger next to you and take a seat in the back. You place the medicine bag on your lap, putting your hands in the pockets of your coat. Your coat is closed enough to cover your neck and the tip of your nose, so half of your face is not visible.Your hair is slightly fluffed up from the cold air as it hangs slightly in your eyes, and with a sigh you watch the other stranger take a seat near the front.The bus is almost empty with only a handful of people.

When you come home, you reach for your keys to open the door, you hear the sound of the key turning and tiny footsteps approaching. As you close the door behind you, you feel a soft sensation around your feet accompanied by a meowing sound.

"I'm home."

You lean over and pick up your cat as you lazily toss your bags and coat aside; she always loves to greet you. You feel her head rubbing against your neck as she licks your cheeks softly, not bothering to put your shoes away as you walk towards the living room with your cat in your arms. You watch your cat as you slowly place her on the couch, spinning around and sitting down, her tail tucked under her. As a small giggle leaves you, you put your hands on your knees and stand up, heading towards the kitchen to give your pet a treat. You head towards your front door to lock it before heading into the kitchen, taking off your shoes and grabbing your coat and medicine bag. You go back to the kitchen and reach for the cat's treats from the upper cabinets. As you place some in one of the fancy iron containers you bought earlier, you notice that the cat has already come to you. You take the treat from the counter and place it in front of her, leaning back against the counter as you watch her purr and eat her treat. Remembering that you need to call your friend, you start looking for your phone in your pockets, thinking it can be on the couch, you head towards it, reach for your phone and lie down on the couch. You start driving around the house looking for him. It takes a few minutes for her to pick up, so you have to call again. Meanwhile, you've come to your room and you're already trying to decide what to wear. When you hear your friend's voice on the other end of the phone, you turn your attention back to your phone.

"Hiiii!!" "Hi there." You place your phone on your shoulder and look in your closet. Maybe you should wear something more masculine since you're going to the club. "Are you ready yet?" "Uh, not yet. But I'll be." After hearing your friend's voice of approval, the sound of a key catches your attention. She must be leaving the house.

You still hadn’t decided what to wear when she ended the call by saying she would send you the address as a location. "Okay- bye." You gently placed your phone on your bed and your eyes caught a shirt you hadn’t worn before, thinking it was too big. "I could make this work.." After whispering quietly, you start to make your outfit by checking the time, deciding to do your hair last. You played with your hands strangely as you looked in the mirror. You didn't look bad, you seemed to be in good shape. You didn't look official, but... you didn't look homeless either. You just forget about it and reach into your closet for a small hair tie, You put a small ponytail in the back of your hair. Even though it was small enough to be called a ponytail.. it looked cute. You tilted your head to the side and looked at your hair, giggling to yourself as you put the final touches on it and got ready to leave the house. You know, closing the windows.. turning off the lights and checking on your beloved cat.

When you realize that she is already asleep, your doubts are lifted for a moment, at least you won't have to worry about her anymore. You grab your keys and walk out the door, whispering a small 'goodnight' from your lips, and as you close the door you set off on your way. It was a little late, since you went to the club. When you approach the location where your friend sent, you encounter your friend near the door. She greets you by raising her hand. "Hereee!" You quicken your steps a little and come to your friend, taking your hand out of your pocket and giving her a small wave. "Did I keep you waiting?" You ask in a cheerful but low voice. Your friend, who shakes her head in refusal, fixes her hair before going inside, and you are surprised that there is no line while gesturing for you to come in as well.

You follow your friend with your arms crossed, you didn't want to get lost in a place you didn't know, even if it wasn't crowded. She left you alone to find her friend and said she'll come back, leaving you to get the drinks. You sit down in an empty seat, and as your eyes wander to the people inside, you notice that most of them are already drunk. A whistle from behind you draws your attention to the barista in front of you, who was looking at you with one hand on the counter and the other on his hip.

"Hey pretty boy, have you decided what to order?"

Pretty boy? "Uh, anything light." "First time?" "More than that touches me." "Got ya." The barista turns around, slamming his hand on the counter mockingly, you watch him with your full attention as he prepares your drink. Even if you don't pay much attention at first, his face looks familiar. You notice that he's turning his head to someone else and humming something to them while holding your glass in his hand. As you look into your glass, you notice that he has a few rings on his hand. Even though it's something unnecessary, you're intrigued by the fact that he's wearing jewelry. As he turns his attention to you, he taps his tongue and hits the glass with his index finger, making the ring make a sound with the tapping.

He holds the glass out in front of you and speaks in a lower voice. "And..here you go. A white wine spritzer for the new guy." As you thank him and take your drink, you finally figure out why his face looks familiar.

This was the same man you saw at the bus stop. Only now his hair was more.. different. It looked more well-groomed and didn't cover his eyes like it did at the bus stop. As you wrap your hands around your glass, you notice your friend sitting down next to you. Playfully pushing your shoulder, she calls out to the barista for her drink. "Heyy, sup?" "Hey." While he was busy with another drink in his hand, he looks at the two people next to you with an eyebrow raised. Especially to the friend who is the reason you came here. "You are all together?" The person your friend knows tells you that you guys are new here and that she invited you. He bites his lower lip a little and hums in approval. When the drink he was preparing is finished, he leans slightly towards you, placing his elbows on the counter.

"I thought your friends would be crazy like you, but they seemed pretty normal."

His eye points at you, making you flinch for a moment. You listen to their conversation as you take a sip of your drink. "Yeahhh, well you can't know that. Maybe they are crazy, huh?" The person mocking the barista, with her hands on the counter and her head on her knee, also smacks your friend on the arm, causing the two of them to laugh. You could only stare at them as you traced the edge of your glass with your fingertip. You weren't bothered by it, but you couldn't bring yourself to let them get along and you just sit on the sidelines. In a moment of courage, you down the rest of your drink in one go, tapping your glass on the table as you reach up to wipe your mouth, but you notice your friend is looking at you.

Your friend looked at you with a funny look, shouting something at you and disappeared with her friend. "Don't go too far, you already know why!!" The atmosphere got tense for some reason as she left you alone with the barista again. You slowly pass your empty glass towards the man in front of you, a hum coming out of your mouth. "Can I get something.. heavier?" Shaking his head slightly, he returns to his work again. Even though you didn't drink anything heavy yet, you still didn't feel very well. Your stomach hurt a little and your head ached slightly. But you didn't want to drink the same thing over and over. And if you consider that the person in front of you is a man...maybe trying some heavy stuff would be a good experience. Your feet were actually touching the ground, but you stood on your tiptoes to make yourself look taller. You realized your drink was ready when his footsteps approached. This time he didn't say what it was as he handed you a red glass. You weren't very good with drinks, so you couldn't guess. He cocked his head slightly to the side as he looked at her with a raised eyebrow. "Don't know what it is?" "No.." "Don't care about it, just drink. It does taste good, so don't worry." He says quickly as he wipes his hand on the apron tied around his waist. After all, you’re not his only customer.

You take a sip and try to guess, was it wine again?

You take another sip, but this time it feels sweeter, like there's something wrong with your taste.

Even if you don't get what it is, you continue drinking because you like the taste. In the meantime, your friend comes to you once again. She's not drunk, but she looks a little... messy..Your friend says she wants to leave early and asks if it's okay with you. At first you want to leave the club with her because it means you'll be alone, but then something tells you to stay. "Nah, I guess I'll stay a bit longer." Your friend gives your arm a gentle squeeze, telling you to be careful. Her friend next to her shouts something before leaving. "Nam-gyu! The guy who came with me will still be here, keep an eye on him!" Even if you don't know who it is at first, you eventually do when the barista raises his hand in acknowledgement.

Maybe you could talk to him since you know his name now. That you saw him at the bus stop and... felt like talking. Maybe it would be better if you don't say the last part. With them leaving completely, you are left alone for a while, thinking about taking out your phone and walking around. In the meantime, the man you were dying to talk to appears in front of you again.

"I see you finished your drink?" "Yeah, just finished." "Want me to make something heavier again? I thought 'more than that touches you'." You feel a slight blush on your face, yes you said that..and yes it really touched you. "Well I'm not the best at the moment but," You put your phone back in your pocket and continue talking. "I wanted to try something new...even though I knew I would get worse." "That's not cool bro." "Huh?" The man in front of you speaks in a ridiculous tone while pointing at several drunk and sober people on the sides. "There are even people who come here and just drink coke, and believe me, they can get crazy drunk." You frown at him, not quite understanding what he's saying. Are you supposed to be offended? "There's no need to waste yourself trying something new." It felt ironic that he was speaking as a barista. After all, it was his job to make and sell drinks.

"And this is coming from a barista, huh?"

He just chuckled at your question and rolled his eyes jokingly. Even though you didn't talk much, you already felt close to him, and it was obvious that he was a fun person.

"Anyway, why you didn't leave with your friends?" The question made you freeze suddenly. How exactly could you say that he was the whole reason you stayed? But you decided that now wasn’t the time to be shy, so you cleared your throat and answered him. "We met before actually, kind of, I saw you at the bus stop." You paused for a moment between sentences and corrected yourself. He blinked and made a face as if he were trying to remember. He must have remembered afterwards because a few words fell from his lips. "Ohh, the guys I asked the bus, yeah?" "Yeah!" "What a confidence. I didn't think you'd be in this club." Oh right..He was still with you when you talked about the club. "Ah- yes, yes.. I didn't think we would..met as well." As you reach out to scratch your neck, your slightly undone hair tie comes into your hand. As you look at the hair tie that has fallen into your palm, your hands go to tie your hair back up when he stops you. "Leave it, this suits you." Coming from someone with long hair, it meant more to you. "If you say so." It occurred to you that it might be getting late, and as you look at your phone in sudden panic, you realize it's past midnight. "Oh, fuck."

"Everything alright?" He asks in a worried and curious tone as you turn off your phone and put it back in your pocket. "Not really- I just didn't realize it was getting this late." "You have plans or something?" This question again.. "No, not at all. I just don't like sleeping late." After nodding his head to show that he understands, he clears his throat by hitting the counter with his hand. "Okay, then. You better get going." "Right, right. Do you guys take cards?" "Sure. Lemme make it for you really quick." You take your wallet out of one of your pockets and hand him your card. After going to a place not too far away and paying, he comes back with a piece of paper along with the card. "All done. And here is my number. In case you'll think about coming here again, let me know so I can get you on my shift, yeah?" "Thanks." You grab the paper with the card and tuck them in your wallet before standing up. After fixing your clothes, you turn your attention to Nam-gyu.

"Talk to you later..Nam-gyu." You said it loud enough for him to hear. Hoping you didn't mix up his name. He looked at you and tried to get your name out of his mouth, but since he didn't know, he just let out a breath and said goodbye to you. "See ya."

As you head home, you look at the paper in your hand. The number was written quickly and the last numbers were a little blurry because the ink hadn't dried yet. Since there were no buses, you preferred to walk, and maybe it would make you feel better. Your stomach still ached and you could feel the drinks you drank stuck in your throat. You were almost at your house when you felt like throwing up. You didn't want to embarrass yourself since there were a few people around. You entered your apartment building with one hand over your mouth, sobbing as you climbed the stairs to your own apartment. The first place you went to when you entered the house was the sink. You looked at yourself in the mirror as you unintentionally threw up the things you drank. Your face was sour because of the taste that remained on the tip of your tongue. "..I knew I shouldn't have had that second glass.." As you’re mad at yourself under your breath, you remember the number he gave you.

You quickly cleaned yourself up, letting the cold water hit your face. You sat down on the dull bathroom floor and picked up your phone. "Let's see.." You carefully write down the numbers and save it in your phone. You want to look at his social media with your save. While you are curiously scrolling through your apps, you notice that there is usually no profile photo, but the profile photo on one of them catches your attention. He looked like when you saw at the stop.. His hair was messier and he was dressed in a nicer style. His tattoos, which you didn't notice at the club, were also visible in his photo. You feel a little ashamed that you found yourself stalking him. What was your problem? Maybe it's his looks..and that he calls you a man.. You get up, shaking off your thoughts. It was obvious that you were going to have no sleep tonight, but you still took a sleeping pill to try your luck. The fact that he was on your mind even though you guys didn't talk for more than a day caused your cheeks to turn pink. Maybe you could have spent your time wandering around the house..even if you wanted to, you couldn't call him at this hour.

Before you knew it, it was already morning, you couldn't say you were doing well. But you weren't too bad either, you checked the time and planned to start your daily routine.

09:00 am

You remember that you need to make breakfast before you sit down at your computer. Of course, you didn't forget your beloved cat either, she woke up before you and had already left her food bowl in front of the kitchen. Thinking of her before yourself, you place the food bowl full of food next to your cat's bed. She gets up excitedly, meowing at you while eating her own food with small chews.

You prepare your own breakfast and get down to work. Since you were working from home, you had nothing to worry about. Well, we could say that you were able to have a comfortable working environment. When it's time for a break, you want to scroll through your phone, and then the number you saved last night catches your attention. "Nam-gyu.." As you silently read his name with your lips, you thought it would be a good idea to call him. Maybe you could say a 'what's up man?' or just..have a little chat. After a swallow, you wait for him to pick up the call. And after a few seconds later, you hear a voice on the other side of the phone. "Hi?" "Hey there." "Do I know you?" Oh right. Your number wasn't saved on his phone. "I-it's me. From last night- remember? The guy you talked to?" While you're hoping for him to recognize you, you feel momentarily uneasy when the person on the line remains silent. "Ohh- yeah, the one I gave my number. What's up?" "Yes, that one. Just wanted to say hi while I'm on my break." He speaks after clicking his tongue. "Sweet, I'm still at home. you must have guessed I'm on the night shift. Shitty night shifts.."

"Actually, I'm at home too, I mean- because I work from home." There was a slight edge in your voice. Like he was going to judge you. But right now, he seemed to be in a good mood. Before he can respond, you quickly add something else. "It didn't seem very busy yesterday actually?" "You think like that. Do you have any idea how hard it is to deal with drunk sons of bitches?" After a small chuckle, he continues. "Especially when their own whores are with them." You didn't expect his mouth to be like..this.

"Yeah.. right." After a small hum comes from the end of the phone, you ask him to repeat it. "You're up tonight?" "Up?" "Down for getting drunk, duh." He continues his speech while assuming a tone of voice as if he had just remembered something. "You can't drink too much, can you? After they left, I got a message from my friend not to give you any shit that's heavy." God, this is embarrassing. Yeah, what they said was true, but saying it like that made you feel less of a... man. A few unexpected words escaped from your lips as you involuntarily nodded his approval. "But I still wanted to try." "Is that soooo.." "Yeah." There was silence between you for a few seconds, then he replied with a sound as if Nam-gyu was sucking his teeth. "Hell..you'll stay with me, though? With the promise of leaving if you get any bad feeling." "Promise."

The night went better than expected. Nam-gyu turned out to be a bit more foul-mouthed than you thought, but he still kept in touch with you. You two drank together him without leaving your side. There was one scene that you couldn't forget, especially on your way back home.

While drinking together, everyone raises their glasses, and when you’re the last one not to raise your glasses, Nam-gyu grabs your shoulder and pulls you towards him. "Don't be shy, pretty boy. Come onnn, cheersss!" You thought he didn't realize what he was saying because he was half drunk, but you wanted to bring it up in your conversation the next day. Although it has been a few days since you met him, you spent your days hanging out with him. You were talking to him on the phone again, telling him how your night went and stuff. "Right, right. Good thing that you weren't drunk enough to start hitting on others. Hell, you'd look hilarious." Hilarious? "Why did you say that now.. I'd not." "Yeah-uh, you would. We hung out together all night anyway, glad you enjoyed the night." "Ah- yep. Thanks." You almost forgot what you had to ask for a second, he would go silent sometimes because he was having breakfast.

"You called me pretty boy, though."

"Hm?" After finishing the mouthful, he speaks again.

"Fuck, I did? I mean, it's true but I don't remember saying it."

So he actually meant it. "Isn't it normal because you were drunk?" Oh yeah, definitely.. it's also normal for him to be all over you because he was drunk. "Yeahhh..anyway. You feel any good?" "Mhm, pretty good." Mentally? Yes. But physically, honestly speaking, you were a mess. You hadn't been taking your medication regularly for a few days, and you especially didn't touch your medication the day you went out drinking. You didn't even have the energy to take a shower as soon as you got home and threw yourself into bed. But you still couldn't give up on this feeling. The way he talked to you and the way you felt more manly when you were with him.

The cheerful voice you hear before you hang up the phone makes your heart stop for a moment. "See ya around man." And just like that the call ends. You smile to yourself as you place the phone back on your lap.

You continued going out with him like this for the last few weeks, until one day you tried something a little heavier. You saw him take drugs while you were drinking. And this time he offered you a little too. His eyes were half-closed and his bangs were stuck to his face. You two weren't actually inside the club, you had already left a couple mins ago. You were standing on a bench at the side of the street. The cold air hit your face and you weren't exactly drunk, you had chosen to drink less. Despite that, your stomach ached and you weren't feeling very well. He held a slightly crushed pill in his hand, extending his palm towards you. "Take some." "Uh, no. I'm good." "Ugh. Take it." He brings his palm towards your lap, urging you to take it. You think again, involuntarily taking it from his hand. You feel like throwing up for a moment and go to cover your mouth with your free hand. Nam-gyu moves closer to you, placing his hand on your knee as he tilts his head slightly to the side. He hiccups a few times as he tries to understand what’s going on. You take your hand off your mouth and turn your head to the man next to you. He was watching your face with his mouth slightly open. The moment you turn to him, he can't help but laugh a bit.

"Fuck it, one time wont hurt." Still indecisive, you look at his face. When he realized you weren’t going to do it on your own, he lazily grabbed your hand and popped the pill into his own mouth, chewing it a few times. You were so focused on the sound of the pill breaking that you didn't realize his lips brushed against yours until a little sound came from him. After feeling a few pieces of dust in his mouth, he pulls back from you, his head hitting your shoulder before he returns to a sitting position with his head down. Your eyes widened as you felt your cheeks turning pink. You were practically awake as he sat next to you as if nothing had happened.

You looked at him, swallowing hard, and opened your mouth to say something. But you didn't want to press the issue, you knew he wouldn't remember what he said because he was already so high. Or what he did.

But you would be lying if you said you weren't high either. You weren't feeling very well and your head was spinning. You were either going to stay here numb, or you were going to go home. You weren’t going to sleep in the middle of the street. So you struggled to get up and held Nam-gyu’s hand. He threw a curious look at you and tried to get up as well, laughing to himself as he fell onto your back. Hell, you two were high as fuck. He didn't keep his mouth shut, asking you ridiculous questions as you two headed towards your apartment. Nam-gyu, who threw himself on the couch as soon as you entered, was in a much worse state than you. To wake up you either had to take a shower or go to sleep like him. Nam-gyu didn't sleep even though he was on the couch. He doesn't make a sound while looking at your sobbing figure. "I'm gonna take a..bath. You stay there." He put his head on the edge of the couch and makes eye contact with you. He closed his eyes and made a gesture of approval. This way you go to your own room...good thing you have a personal bathroom.But when you start taking off your clothes, some footsteps catch your attention. As you take off your seat belt, you notice that the door is slightly open.

"Man..fuck this shit my head hurts like hell.." He speaks to you as he struggles to stand. He must be starting to wake up a little, but you doubt he's still conscious. "Mhm..what about taking a hot shower?" "..Hot shower?" "Yeah." He sits on the edge of your bed, one hand playing with his hair as he walks into the room. You keep your hands still on your belt, finally catching Nam-gyu’s attention as you throw it onto the bed. He gives you a look that you can't understand. But your mind is still stuck on the warm feeling of his lips on yours. You don't want to take your pants off in front of him, suddenly you turn your attention to the bathroom with the sound of water overflowing and say a few words to him. "The left door at the end of the hallway is the bathroom.. I think you should take a shower too." He makes a sniffling sound and then his eyes move from your hands to your face. Without saying anything, he leaves the room and heads to the bathroom.

With him gone, you can finally go to the bathroom. But the thought of what would you do if he didn't leave eats you alive. Would you really take it off in front of him? You pray to god he left. Taking a shower really did feel good, just like you thought it would. The warm water hitting your skin made you felt more alive. Especially after smoking it, you thought you wouldn't find yourself at home. You head towards the living room in your pajamas, the wet drops in your hair soaking your shoulders. Nam-gyu had already left the bathroom before you and was letting his hair combs dry on the edge of the couch. His eyes were watching the ceiling, and he lifted his head slightly when he noticed you coming.

"Finally." With a sigh, he raises his hands to tuck the hair behind his ears. You realize his rings are gone, they were lined up on the table along with his phone.

"My bad, it took me a bit to..feel better." After muttering to him with a guilty conscience, Nam-gyu pats the back next to him, gesturing for you to come over. "Yeah whatever man.. come on." As you sit next to him and watch his movements, you realize that he is waking up with difficulty. He would close his eyes from time to time and open them again as if he had woken up from sleep. Suddenly, you remembered your medication. Maybe it would be better for your health to get a few. "Oh, wait-" You reach out from the couch and pick up a bag that's on the table. "What's that?" Nam-gyu spoke more soberly. "My medications..I haven't taken them for a long time." As you look at the pills, you remember that moment again, you hoped to get better by taking your medication. Nam-gyu speaks lazily as he looks at the pills in your hand. "Is there anything that helps with headaches?" "Yeah." You lift one of the few pills left on your right and wave it in the air. As you come to him with a glass of water in your hand, he throws his head on the couch and glares at you. He waits for you to put the pill in his mouth with his mouth slightly open, and when you hand him the glass of water, he swallows the pill dryly, shaking his head. "No need." You put the water in your hand aside and hold on to the couch with your hands. You tilt your head to the side and look at the face below you.

His eyes were probing your face as if he was going to eat you alive. One hand comes to your face, pinching your nose he speaks in a low voice. "Like what you see? Heh." You frown at him and back away from the couch. You decide it’s a good idea to change clothes since your wet hair has completely soaked your shoulders.

You walk towards your room and take off your clothes. Before you can put on another t-shirt, you feel two hands grab your bare arms. You turn your head, startled by the cold feeling. Nam-gyu’s eyes roam over your body as his muscles twitch slightly in response to your reaction. "Were you always that..skinny?" You step forward and try to ignore what he says. Either he was high or he was seriously trying to get close. The first option seems like it might be more realistic for you. He stayed at your apartment that night. And even if you didn't want to admit it, he was acting closer to you. He would call you in the morning with his sleepy voice and ask about your plans, and when he came across ridiculous customers, he would send you messages about them.

"Someone just picked the drink that he threw up, fucking weirdoooo.."

"I mean seriously, people have no taste when it comes to drinking..."

He even agreed to come to the hospital with you. Even though he accompanied you to drink, he also cared about your health sometimes. One day when the weather was rainy and cold, he offered to pick you up with his car. You had been in his car a few times already, so you knew where he usually parked. You practically ran out of the apartment, holding Nam-gyu's hand as you quickly walked in the rain to find the car. "Wait, wait— it's not like the car is gonna run away." Before you could even guess, you fell to the ground because of the wet floor, and he fell on top of you, causing all the water on the ground to splash onto you two. You could hear him swearing under his breath, his eyebrows slightly furrowed as he stood over you, supporting himself with his hands. "Asshole- look at me. I'm all soaked." But you couldn't answer him, the sound of the rain falling and the water dripping from the ends of his hair onto your cheeks..he just looked so stunning. His wet eyelashes made it hard to see his eyes, but the way he looked at you was priceless. You could see your own reflection in his pupils, and you couldn't help but notice his rising and falling chest. Your body was moving without you realizing it, your hands cupping his cheeks as you lowered his face towards yours, letting your lips taste each other. His cold lips were trembling against your warm ones. You couldn't hear any sounds, as if he had forgotten to breathe. After you pulled away, he just stared at you. He stared at you in surprise for a few seconds, as if he hadn't kissed you before.

"..Holy shit, dude." Your cheeks quickly begin to heat up as you realize what you've done. You pull yourself up and try to stand up. "Oh god- S-sorry. It just, happened. I swear-" He responded with a mocking look at you as his hands rested next to your shoulders. "Yeah?" "Y-yeah! Please just forget about it, youjustlookedsogood, I couldn't-"

"Shut up and get in the car, dude."

"Okay.."

When you two got into the car, you felt very strange in the seat next to you, a feeling like you were never close before filled you. Nam-gyu’s voice makes you swallow your words as you were taking a deep breath to explain yourself. "It was obvious that you were interested in that kind of shit but, fuck dude. I didn't think you would do it with me." "Huh?" "I mean, even your look gives it away." The words hit you in the face as if you had been beaten. You felt like you were sinking into the ground as you stared at him with your pupils constricted. Nam-gyu lets out a sigh of relief, combing his hair back with one hand as he smiles at you sarcastically. "Hah..did you like it though?" "What?" "The kiss." Pursing his lips, he makes a kissing sound, and responds to you by tilting his head to the side. "You liked it?" You don’t answer him and just stare at the side window of the car. An embarrassed expression covers your face as you realize he's muttering something under his breath.

"We still have time..wanna do it?"

"..Do what?"

You understood right after that second what he meant with the sly look he threw at you. He was fucking hard. When you came home you were not only wet but also... sticky. You limped a little as you walked into the your apartment, the scene in the car coming back to you as you noticed the sticky liquid on your t-shirt, and the corner of your lip was still bleeding slightly. "Did you really have to bit my lip..that hard?" "It's ridiculous that you talk as if your voices didn't fill the car." "Shut up!" After playfully punching him on the shoulder, you left to take a shower. When you looked at yourself in the mirror in your bedroom, you felt your eyes flutter for a moment. But you ignored it and headed towards the bathroom anyway. As you can imagine, this wasn't your first time. He would try to have a quickie with you whenever he got the chance. And you were completely off your medication. Other than taking pills just to sleep, you wouldn't take anything else except the pills Nam-gyu gave you. And your relationship continued like this for a few months. During that time Nam-gyu 'borrowed' a lot of money from you. Not enough to put you in debt but.. there wasn't nothing he wouldn't do to get high. But as your relationship became more formal..you felt like people were starting to judge you. Not for being with a man, but for being with him. Almost everyone who knew him was astonished and asked how you managed to endure him. I mean..yeah he wasn't the best. But he had taken your first time and you had never felt this comfortable with anyone before. Plus, even if you were physically shit, he made you feel good. Was that even possible?

You even got matching tattoos together. He got a butterfly tattoo and you got a bloody rose tattoo to represent him. He always loved your chest. The feeling of being able to feel your bones when he touched it gave him a pleasure he couldn't describe. That's why you had it done on the left side of your chest. He had it done on his left arm, so that it would be visible, like the other tattoos. But all good things must come to an end, right? Especially if you're not a healthy person. Even though you liked how it was.. sometimes your body couldn't handle it. Pushing yourself too hard would make you feel weak in the coming days.

Because of this, you couldn't even see Nam-gyu at all sometimes, you couldn't even reply to his messages. You had become unable to leave your house. You had to give up your beloved cat to your friend and go back on your medication to get better. You were so glad your partner cared about you. You even felt guilty at times because you felt like a burden to him. But...the things you heard about him were starting to make you doubt yourself. And that one voice message you heard was the final straw.

"Him? Yeah, he feels good and all, but...sometimes you know. I feel like a woman would be good too."

That voice message your friend sent you left you shaking in your bed. The fact that it was a drunk voice message tore you apart even more. Maybe he didn't mean it like that? He's doing something to get high almost every night anyway, so maybe he's not talking about you- or maybe he's faking it or something? But him calling you out of the blue in the morning corrected your suspicions. Actually, you had already confirmed this with the message your friend sent you at night. 'I told you so. You can't trust him at all..' You don't answer his phone at first, but then you notice the message he sent you in your notifications. He was asking if you were home. Of course you were home.. But you didn't want to look at his message. You weren't in the mood to talk right now and especially didn't want to hear his voice. How could you trust him now? How could you know he wouldn't lie to stay with you? This time he called you again. When you answered he spoke in a louder tone than you intended. "What the fuck do you think you're doing by not answering your phone, motherfucker?" "I don't wanna talk." "NAH. You're gonna talk. I'm almost at your apartment- don't make me open the door." His voice sounded like he was growling at you, it was obvious that he was mad. You panic when the phone is hung up on you, and as scenarios run through your mind about what he was planning to do, you jump out of your bed when you hear a knock on the door. Swallowing hard, you walked towards the door without bothering to ask who is it. It was obvious who it was anyway. Nam-gyu’s hand grabs the edge of the door as you nervously open it, making you flinch. As you back away from the door, he walks in, closing the door behind him.

"To the living room, now." You frown at him and direct your steps towards the living room. He watches you sit on the couch as he throws his phone on one of the couches. Nam-gyu doesn’t say anything at first as he stands, cracking his knuckles. "The worst shit always happens to me, fucking god."

"But you were the one who said those things?" "And?" Was he serious about what he said just now..He didn't even deny what he said. "You know, you said you didn't want to be with ME- after everything I had done for you!" You shifted your position on the couch and raised your tone towards him. You had every right to be as angry as you wanted right now.

Rolling his eyes, he put a hand over his mouth and sighed as he gave you an answer. "Don't act like I've never done anything to you, now..." He continued, his voice softer. "You know how I am with other people...we were just messing around, I was drunk." You didn't want to answer him. You chose to stay silent. Maybe what he meant wasn't such a bad thing after all?He approached you with his expression unchanging, one hand on the couch and the other holding the end of your hair as he spoke in a low tone. "Yes, yes.. you're always right pretty boy. Forgive me, let's forget about that, yeah?" You knew exactly what he was doing. He didn't even try to cover up what he was doing..

You responded with a tone that indicated that it was unintentional. He might have the upper hand over you, but that didn't always mean you would obey him. "Really? Isn't that what you always do... to make up for your mistakes by covering them with the pleasure you give me?" You clearly hear him click his tongue, and he bites his lip lightly, showing you that signature smile again. ".. Exactly, you know me so well..I'm kind of embarrassed." His hands have already moved down to your thighs before you even notice. His eyes slowly drift down as his thumbs play with the elastic of your sweatpants. "Come on...just for this once. You know how much I love you, right?" Oh how you loved his words..his choice of words was driving you crazy. It was like all your anger was gone in an instant. You took a deep breath and mumbled one last sentence under your breath.

"Y-you're right.." As your eyes follow his fingers, you watch the sweatpants fall down from your waist. He lowers his hand, which was playing with your hair to your chest, making you lean back into the couch.

"..But I should admit. I hate how you can do both." His breathing becomes heavy as his eyes roam over your bare skin, and he says the words in between breaths. "Hate how you're pretty as a woman and..attractive as a man. I can feel drunk just by looking at you." You were melting under his touch and words, he must have noticed you were getting hard because he already had you in his grasp. Nam-gyu felt himself harden as the tiny moans coming out of your mouth filled his ears. He pulls his hand from your tent and lays you down completely on the couch, your arms falling around your face as you suddenly feel his hardness against yours. One hand cups your face to brush the hair off your forehead, while the other runs across your bare skin.

"What do you think..will you last for a few rounds?" You turn your face to the side, not wanting to make eye contact during it. "..Maybe." but he stops you with his hand and whispers one last thing.

"Nuh uh..don't take your charming eyes off me..pretty boy."

okay so ngl i wanted to add MOREE stuff, but i choosed today as the deadline cuz of the date..haha..anyway. please tell me if there's any typos cuz, no proofread..

[unintentionalseductress]

Why does everyone portray Caleb to be 'dark romance, zade meadows' coded? :/

Yeah he's got yandere traits to wanna keep her forever and for himself but he never implies that he'll hurt mc- instead expressing a fierce desire to protect her, so why do ppl write ffs Abt him being manipulative? Making him have 'rough jealous s*x' in which he's spewing a bunch of hurtful things just to manipulate mc to his liking?

I guess it's because of the initial show of possessiveness in his trailer, but literally every love and deepspace guy is possessive so why portray him so darkly?

I like that you portray him more realistically to his character and not so ooc because that's what it feels like most of the time

Hello there anon! I'm glad you think my portrayal of Caleb feels more realistic than some other interpretations. I really don't know where this concept of comparing Caleb to Zade comes from since Zade literally r**es the MC in that book and I simply can't picture Caleb doing that?

This might be a much longer response than you'd expected and I'm sorry, but I've been taking little notes as I went through Caleb's memories, anecdotes, and myth. I feel like most of the people that are portraying him in this sadistic way simply didn't read all the material and just clicked through to get the diamonds.

So let me start by saying, all the other 4 LI's met MC quite recently, meaning they had no say in her life and weren't there when the Chronorift Catastrophe occurred. They met her as an adult, when she'd had time to put herself together and act like a rational grown woman.

Caleb met her at the worst time in their lives as a child until Josephine adopted them. They trauma bonded and after all they've been through together, they're extremely possessive of each other. Not just Caleb, but even the MC as well. She's just as paranoid and possessive about Caleb as well, and this is evidenced in their memories which I will delve into shortly.

But imagine being so close and growing up with this person that you think you know like the back of your own hand. She and Caleb appeared to be quite close up until the explosion. Now MC had to deal with the loss of her second family, and possibly the love of her life. Yes, I said it. The love of her life, because after going through the memories, there's nothing that can be said to change my mind that these two weren't in some kind of relationship before Caleb's death.

Now Caleb is back. MC is wary of him, she's scared to be possessive of him like she was because she knows what it's like to lose him. Caleb has no idea where he stands in her life, and inside it's because he knows he fucked up. He realizes he wants her back, the same woman who was just as obsessed and possessive of him like how he was with her and he has no idea how to fix it.

Caleb imo slides into the tip of the yandere iceberg because of that scene in the main story where he says he'll rebuild their house in Linkon and they can move in together etc. To me, that's the effect of the chip (more to be discussed about that below), and also him literally breaking down because MC said his worst fear to his face; she doesn't need him anymore. How do you recover from having the one person you've loved for most of your life look at you with so much hate and say they don't need you? (reminded me of Sylus a little bit when he's told MC is disgusted by him) For him to be truly yandere, he would have locked her up then and there but he doesn't. He backs off, allows her to get back to her life unharmed, and he keeps himself busy with work. That doesn't look like true yandere behavior to me.

NOW. MYTH EVIDENCE. The part with the chips. The chips seem to exacerbate certain feelings that already exist and take them to the extreme, hence why people who are chipped are very emotionless and almost have a robotic character to them, perhaps to avoid the pain of being emotional. In his myth, we find Caleb actively fights the chip, and it puts so much strain on his body that he falls unconscious or goes into fits. I think that 'yandere' scene is because the chip and his body are at odds with each other. Even MC when she chips herself, finds herself being manipulative of Caleb, trying to make him think of memories that were only half-truths. They're both obsessed with each other, and without the chip, it was fine, but with chip, things get crazy.

Also, I think it's safe to say, Caleb hasn't shown yandere tendencies towards MC in the past pre explosion, beyond telling her to be careful during missions or to let her know when she got hurt. He wasn't upset because she wasn't staying at home, he's upset because she's hiding things from him (like when she lied about getting scratched by a cat pre explosion).

NOW ONTO THE MEMORIES. Because omg, there's so much evidence in the memories that Caleb realizes his limitations in his ability to care for her. In their bond memory Rain's Embrace, when MC is asleep on his shoulder, Caleb literally says something along the lines of "I promise not to be so overprotective of you." He says something similar in Endless Summer and Exclusive Aftertaste, stating he knows his tendency to protect her isn't good for either of them.

And to show how possessive MC was of him. In the memory Longtime Yesterday, we find out Caleb was super popular in college and many girls tried to befriend him by giving him bento boxes. His friends teased him saying "Miss Apple" helped him avoid having to accept the bento boxes. MC literally sulks all the way back to the airport and when Caleb asks her what's wrong she goes, "You have a Miss Apple," like that was a perfectly plausible explanation. Miss Apple turns out to be a hairtie that Caleb took from MC that has apple shaped beads on it and he wears it (presumably on his wrist) all the time, which drove away unwanted attention from other girls. MC was so upset prior to hearing this, and Caleb reassures her that he doesn't want anyone else's attention but her's.

In Borrowed Promise, which occurs when MC is still in high school, Caleb is visiting from college and MC has a fight with a friend who is a girl (important). Caleb notices she's unhappy and takes her to a fair of sorts to cheer her up and she tells him she's worried someone may not like her anymore. Caleb tries to act nonchalant but you can tell he's thinking MC has a boyfriend or a crush and he goes "their loss but oh well you're not for everyone." It's at this point she tells Caleb it's a girl and he's dumbfounded but his relief is evident.

And my favorite, Stage Observer. MC is helping Caleb empty his dorm since he's about to graduate from college and she finds an envelope tucked away in one of his books with cutesy apples on the surface. She mistakenly thinks this is a love letter and then gives a very confused Caleb the cold shoulder for the rest of her visit. Then on his graduation day, she softens and helps fix his tie as he's about to give his valedictorian speech. During this time, she admits she's scared about him finding someone else and he says he worries about her meeting someone else too, but he's happy having just her and grandma in his life. In his speech, Caleb talks about how people go through their whole looking for meaningful connections with people but he's fortunate to have found the one person he knows he can count on. Afterwards, MC runs to him and gives him what I think is their first kiss. And why does she do this? She says, "I kissed you so you can't have a girlfriend now!" Caleb is confused and then she finally admits seeing the envelope. Well guess what? It turns out the envelope actually holds a good luck charm she had sent Caleb but the cover got ruined so Caleb replaced it with the apple envelope. He teases her but the ending implies they now know how they feel for each other and that was the start of a more romantic relationship between them.

So there. MC is just as possessive and obsessed with Caleb as he is with her. He knows that and it's because he's so in tune with these feelings that to him, his actions don't seem out of line, because that's how he expects her to be with him as well. I think like the other boys, his love is limitless, he literally says, "I love you more than you realize" in his myth. He's struggling with mental health and trauma and I think people just want to downplay him for various reasons without delving into the complexity of his character, or the incredible history he has with MC, not from a past life, but in this very real, present one. He was there with her during a time when she didn't know a Xavier, a Rafayel, or a Sylus (maybe Zayne since Caleb mentions him).

There. It feels good to get this out. I will end this by saying, sure, Caleb qualifies as a dark romance, maybe a mild yandere, but definitely, nothing along the lines of Zade because I genuinely don't think he'd want to hurt MC by doing something that could hurt her or violate her consent.

I'm open to more discussion on this. And a reminder about my usual policy; if you have nothing nice to say, scroll on by.

[fanfics-i-find-here]

Do I know You? Part 10

Jason Todd X Reader

Synopsis: Jason takes care of you.

Notes: I have seriously hyped up this chapter because I’m in love with it actually. It’s a very comforting moment after what our girl has just been through. She has one panic attack but it’s okay because Jason’s there. There is some semi-nudity but nothing sexual. This is very, very intimate(again not sexually though). Enjoy!!

Warnings: one Panic attack, semi-nudity

Masterlist

You pick at your hands, trying to scrap the blood from under your nails when your eyes catch movement, glancing up and dropping your gaze when you notice it’s a body bag. In a matter of minutes, you hear a familiar voice questioning several officers.

“Where is she? Is she okay?” You look up and spot Jason quickly following the commissioner towards you. For the first time in what feels like hours you stand up and take only a few steps forward before Jason is hugging you. He cradles the back of your neck avoiding your head. His other hand takes to gently sweeping up and down your back. A well of emotions exploded from your chest and your sobbing again, Jason’s shirt becoming wet with it. Despite the jacket and blanket on your shoulders, you’re suddenly aware of how cold you still feel as you press your face to the warm skin on Jason’s neck. If he thinks you feel like an ice cube, he doesn’t complain

He quietly coos at you, whispering soft calming words. You zone back out again, only focusing on Jason holding you as he slowly leads you to a car. The commissioner stops and talks to him for a moment and if you were more conscious you may have questioned it more.

“Be Careful. Red Hood was here, and she lived to talk about Penguin. News travels fast in Gotham. We don’t want bodies piling up again.” He gives Jason a meaningful nod before returning to police duties. Jason shakes his and continues to guide you to a car (a quick borrow from Bruce out of hidden garage in the area). Even when Jason was Robin, he always had the feeling that the commissioner knew everything about the family’s nightly activities and that for the sake of his own job never vocalized anything about it. Comments like these felt like they proved that point.

Jason takes his time leading you, mindful of icey patches. Your absent stare from earlier was still present and it worried him. He had attempted to wipe as much blood off of you with the sparse medical supplies he had in his belt. Gauze were used to soak up the blood and wipe you clean, but he didn’t want to hurt you by wiping too hard. Streaks of now dried blood remained on your arms, but your face seemed clearer and your nose was no longer bleeding. He was sure you were very uncomfortable.

 He opened the passenger door and helped you slide into the seat. You tense as you sit back, and he can only assume you’re a little more hurt than the mild concussion he was told about. You sit passively in the seat, making no move to do your seatbelt. He squats down and slowly reaches for the seatbelt, pulling it over your lap. However, your hands stop him. You look up to meet his eyes. There’s a pleading look there but he’s unsure what about. He glances back down at your hands and follows the line to your wrist. He can see it now. You had been tied up.  Your wrist, redder than the other exposed parts of your skin. He had thought it was more blood. Now a slow bruising started to show on your skin, darkening slowly. He understands the pleading look and doesn’t fight you over the seatbelt, letting it slide back into place.

“You going to get me in trouble, sweetheart. The cops are right there.” He says softly and he feels like his chest is going to crack open when you give him a weak smile. He stands and your hand latches onto his. He remembers the panicked look you had given Red Hood when he said he had to leave. He has never wanted to carve his heart out and give it someone more than he did in that moment. He knew you had abandonment issues. Way back when this thing you two have had started, you thought he wasn’t going to come back, and he’s seen you have same thought process a few different times. It hurt that he had to be part of the problem. Red Hood had to be part of the problem. Jason, however, was not going to let you feel like that.

“I’m just going to walk around to the driver’s side. You can watch me through the windows.” He offers and your hand slowly loosens up and settles in your lap. He closes your door and moves quickly around the car and into the driver’s seat. He starts the car and blasts the heat. He hadn’t missed how cold your face was pressed against his neck and your hands were the same when you grabbed him. It worried him, like everything in the past four hours had. He gently slides his hand around your nearest hand, squeezing at your frozen fingers and trying to get you to look at him. Your head moves sluggishly but you finally meet his eyes. Your own are bloodshot but you look nearly cried out and on the brink of a well-deserved nap.

“I need to know where you live so I can take you home.” He says, gently massaging your hand. You stare at him but still have consciousness for the barest of warmth to flutter across your cheeks. You had hoped that maybe you would move before you brought Jason to your home. Then you wouldn’t have to admit that he had been parking in front of your building, and you had lied about living further down. You don’t have the energy to be embarrassed now.

“It’s where you park.” You murmur looking away from him. You focus on his hand holding yours. Warm, sturdy, present. He was here. He was real. He was taking care of you. He doesn’t question what you mean, briefly letting go of your hand to put the car in drive before holding your hand again. You easily lay your head against his upper arm, mindful of your twinging back. The car is quiet as he drives, and your eyes flutter closed for what feels like a second before he’s gently nudging you. He’s parked in the same spot he always does, and a moment of awareness crosses your mind that you’re in a car not on a bike. He’s out the door and you’re cold again. But he’s back at your side in seconds, helping you out of the car and up the steps into the apartment building. He guides you to the elevator and you finally sense hesitancy in his movements. You press the 6 for him and settle your weight against his side, sleepiness calling to you again. The elevator dings and it takes him pressing a hand to your lower back for you to start moving again.

 You walk dazed and come to stand at your door, staring at the knob. You didn’t have your keys. They were in your bag, and you had lost that. Jason’s hand comes into your line of vision along with your keys. He tries a couple on the chain before the one for your door meets the lock. You only stare in confusion. He opens the door and must sense your hesitancy.

“They found your bag and keys at the warehouse.” He states before his hand is on your elbow, gently pulling you forward. He closes the door and moves around you pulling the shock blanket and leather jacket from your shoulders and helping you take off your shoes. You shiver and he’s quick to rub at your arms.

“We should get you clean.” Your face scrunches because all you want to do is sleep. His thumb gently rubs at your cheek. “Trust me. It’ll help you feel better in the morning.” He tugs you again, more into your apartment and down the hallway towards your bedroom and bathroom. He turns on the light for the first door and leads you to sit on the toilet in the bathroom. He kneels in front of you with a hand on your knee.

“You want a bath or a shower?” He asks. You stare at him blankly, the terrors of the night starting to creep in your mind. You choose to focus on him, his features, his touch. Your hand comes up and you press the tips of your fingers against the scar on his cheek, following the line of it. He breathes in a strange way that you’ve never heard from him.

“How ‘bout a bath? I don’t think you could stand long enough for a shower.” You nod at his thought process, still focused on his skin. His hand comes up to hold at your wrist, pulling your hand away to rest in your lap again. He stands to turn on the faucet of the bathtub. Soon the room begins to feel warm and humid.

“I’ll be right outside the door if you need anything.” Your hand shoots out to grasp at his tightly despite your weakened state. He doesn’t flinch, just kneels back down in front of you.

“What is it?” He speaks softly, with all the concern in the world and it eats at your chest. You don’t want to be alone; you need someone present.

“Please,” your voice wobbles and you hate it, “don’t leave.”

“I’m going to be just outside the door. I want to give you some privacy.” He says, pushing at your hair. You don’t listen because all you can think about is how Red Hood left you out on the street and you don’t think you could deal with that heartache right now. You stare at him with all the energy you have, hoping he’ll understand. He concedes with a sigh.

“I’ll close my eyes.” He says and your blank stare returns because you’re not cognitive enough to understand what he’s saying. “To undress.” he adds, glancing at the water filled tub. You follow his line of sight, remembering you were in this room for a purpose. You lift your arms slightly and wince. The ache in your back and head doubling at the movement. You hadn’t reached for your shirt, so Jason hadn’t closed his eyes.

“Do you want help?” he asked carefully. Your eyes meet his and you search, worried you’d find that same lustful gaze that the other man had. Jason’s eyes held no such malice. There was no spark of an opportunity to get an eyeful. He just looked concerned. The same kind Jason you’ve been slowly falling for. You nod slowly, with a little shame that you can’t undress yourself.

Jasons hands move slow. They hover over your thighs before settling on your hips. His warm hands skim under the hem of your top and settle against the skin above the waistband of your pants. You watch him and he watches you. You keep waiting for the ball to drop, waiting for a glimmer of want in his eyes. It never comes.

“Is this okay?” he asks and your heart aches from the gentle way he speaks and holds you. You nod, swallowing harshly around the knot in your throat. He guides one side of the shirt up, mindfully keeping his hand off of your skin. He helps you pull your arm out of the shirt, apologizing when you wince. He repeats the process on the other side and finally slides the shirt over your head. You’re wearing a ratty, old bra and feel a little embarrassed for a moment but Jason’s eyes never drift from your face. His hand still holds one of yours. He stands and tugs you with him.

“Think you can do your pants?” he asks.

Your voice shakes as you respond, “yea.” You drop your eyes to the buttons on your jeans. You tug them down your hips, keeping your underwear in place. You feel the heat of his hovering hand next to your arm. As you push the pants to your knees you start to lose your balance, blood rushing to your head from being momentarily upside down. Jason’s quick to steady you, like always. You stand back up. He doesn’t say anything as you blink away the dizziness. You think you should feel ashamed that you can’t take care of yourself at the moment but Jason’s face holds no judgement. You want to cry again from the tender care in his eyes.

“Will you?” you ask quietly. He nods and kneels back down. Despite where his face would meet if he looked forward, he keeps his head ducked respectfully. Eyes on your pants he tugs them past your knees and to your ankles. He taps one of your knees and you press your hands to his shoulders, not wanting to lose balance, as you lift your leg. He repeats the process on the other leg and your jeans join your shirt on the corner of the bathroom. He gives your calf a tender squeeze before he’s standing again, eyes on your face.

“Okay?” he asks

“Yea” your answer is weak, and it has nothing to do with the events prior to the apartment. His ever-gentle hands help you into the tub. You hiss slightly from the heat of the water, body still fairly cold. You sit down and pull your knees to your chest. You rest your cheek against your knee as you watch him ruffle through your cabinets. You feel weepy again, out of gratitude instead of fear, as he comes back with a wash clothe and the cup you use to rinse after you brush your teeth. He settles them on the edge of the tub.

“You should lay back. The heat might help with your back a little bit.” He says as he sits criss cross next to the tub. You nod and slowly tip back, the heat slowly creeping up your back does feel nice. His hand is suddenly at the base of your skull, and you don’t understand why until you rest against his hand and the tub itself. A tickling of pain shoots through your head no doubt dampened by the cushion of his hand. You had a concussion. At least someone remembered. Your eyes slide shut, and you will your body to relax in the heat for a minute.

After a few minutes Jason begins to worry that you had fallen asleep, in the tub of all places. If this had been literally any other situation, he would be losing his mind. You were practically naked in a tub of water. Any other guy would be taking advantage of eyeing you up and he would be too, in a very, very different instance. But he would never do that to you, especially after the night you had. He watches your face and even though the rest of your body seems to have relaxed in the water, your features twitch. Laying in the tub against his hand probably was not the most comfortable position for your injuries. He rubs at your hair where his fingers rest.

“Feeling any better?” He asks you to which you respond in kind with a nod. He is a little worried that he can only get nods and short answers from you but he’s sure you’re exhausted.

“We should get you clean and into your much more comfortable bed.” Your eyes flutter open as he presses you up. Your hand wraps around his other arm that was resting on the edge of the tub as you lift yourself. You curl back in yourself, knees dragged up again. He eyes all the bottles in your shower. He’d rather get what remained of the blood off of you and call it a night, but you had blood in your hair too and a simple rinse wasn’t going to do the job. He finally finds a shampoo bottle. He picks up the cup he found on the counter and scoops up a cup full of water and dumps it on the back of your head. Your neck straightens as you turn to look at him. He can’t read your expression, and it drives him crazy. The entire night you’ve had a blank face, like you don’t have the energy to emote.

“I’m gonna wash your hair, okay?” You stare at him a little longer before turning your head forward and tipping it back. He takes it as your agreement, scoops up some more water and dumps it around the hair faming your face. He squirts a very generous amount of shampoo in his palm. Your lip quirks as you watch him from the corner of your eye. He’ll take it as a win even though he doesn’t know what’s amused you. You turn your head so you’re facing the wall, and he has clear access to the back of your head. He rubs the shampoo in a lather and starts to gently run it through your scalp. He takes his time at the top, working down. Your shoulders tense as his fingers circle near the bump on the back of your head. He works around it and then rubs the shampoo into the lengths of your hair. He hears you sniffle quietly but doesn’t question it. He takes his cup and gently rinses the soap, gently turning your head this way and that way, careful not to get soap on your face. He spots a body wash and soaks the washcloth he had found before rubbing that.

 You watch him with sleepy eyes as he turns your face towards him and rubs gently with the corner of the rag.  For a moment your mind flashes to Red Hood with whatever material he was using to get rid of the blood that had been harsh against your skin. You push the thought aside once again focusing on Jason. His face concentrated. He was handsome, rugged and regal looking all at once. The rag is settled on your knee once he seems pleased with the soap on your face. His hand dunks in the water and then he’s gently caressing your face. Your eyes shut as he wipes at your forehead and down your face, carful touches at your eyes and brushes at your neck.

He pulls your arm from where you hold your leg, and the rag is off your knee. He moves it up and down your arm, starting at your shoulder. You watch as the previously dried blood wipes off easily. He soaked you like a dirty pan. The thought makes a quiet giggle start in you. Jason gives you a strange look and then you can’t stop. You erupt in heavily laughter and tears spring up in yours. It only takes a few seconds but laugh changes to gasped breaths, a harsh weight on your chest. Tears stream down your cheeks again but you’re barely conscious of it because you can’t breathe.

You barely register a harsh squeeze on your knee before there are hands on your face. Thumbs rub at the skin on your cheek, and you can barely make out the blob that is Jason through your blurry vision. You try to focus on him. Your hand wraps around one of his wrists and your nails dig into his pulse point as you try to ground yourself. His voice filters into your ears.

“Breathe, Sweetheart, you’ve gotta breathe. Come on.” His free hand grabs your own and presses your flat palm to his chest. You can feel his heart beating and his chest moves as he breathes. You try to copy him with a stuttering gasp. You slowly become conscious of your surroundings again. His thumb on your cheek. The water you sit in slowly turning warm instead of hot. The hum of the bathroom fan. Your breathing slows but your grip on his wrist remains firm.

“There you go, atta girl. Just keep breathing” You lean against Jason’s hand and close your eyes focusing on his breath and your own. If you thought, you were exhausted before you were wrong.

You desperately need sleep Jason decides. He thinks that’s why you had the panic attack in the first place, exhaustion and stress over taking your sense. He coaxes you to release the grip you have on his wrist so he can clean that arm. You keep a grasp on his shirt though. He rinses you off as quick as he can. He does a once over to make sure you’re as clean as he could get you at the moment. Your wrists have bruised up and there were scraps on your knuckles. Some minor first aid would be smart, but it would have to wait til morning. He pries your hand from his shirt and holds it in his as he reaches back and tugs a towel from its rod. He pulls the plug from the drain and pulls you stand. You’re weak and leaning on him as he helps you step out of the tub. The front of his shirt soaked from where you lay. You shiver and he wraps the towel around you. He gives you a harsher than necessary rub but he’s trying to keep you awake long enough to change into dry underwear and warm pajamas.

He guides you out of the bathroom and into the bedroom and sits you down on your bed. It’s different than the last time he had been in there as Red Hood. No messy piles of clothes, only the cleanliness he was use too. He picks though your drawers and pulls out some fuzzy matching pajamas and he tries not stare at your underwear draw too long. He sets the clothes next to you. He wonders if you’ve fallen asleep sitting up, your eyes closed. He taps at your shoulder and your eyes open, half-lidded.

“Clothes” he offers. You nod but make no move. He remembers your struggle with your shirt. He slips the pajama top over your head as you stare at him. He pulls your hair from where it’s tucked. He pauses before he tries for your arms. You still had a wet bra on. He couldn’t let you sleep in that.

“You need take your bra off.” He tries to be delicate but there’s no way around it. You blink at him. He stares back. Theres a pause before your arm bends back awkwardly and you wince. Jason face scrunched in confusion. You stop your movement and stare at him.

“I can’t” He understands now. What idiot put the bra clasp in the back he didn’t know. He climbs on the bed behind you. He lifts the back of your shirt slightly and stares at the clasp. Jason would hate to admit it out loud, especially to you considering whatever your relationship was, but he had never taken bra off of a girl. This was the first time he was up close and personal to one and he wishes it was under different circumstances. He leans to look closer at it and pulls it off your skin. He folds it slightly and sees the hooks. After a minute he finally gets it undone and you easily slip it off of your shoulders. He pulls the shirt down and pulls your arms through the sleeves, careful not to touch any unnecessary skin.

He stands in front of you again. You still have that dazed, sleepy look in your eye but you still have the towel settled around your hips. He sighs

“Sweetheart, I can’t help you with this one.” You squint at him. He glances at the towel, and you follow his line of site. You nod in understanding. You pat at the bed until you find the pair of clean underwear. You pause before moving the towel and look at him, waiting. He gets the message, turning around, closing his eye and covering them with his hand for good measure. He hears you shuffle around the bed, no doubt sitting to change your bottoms instead of standing.

“Okay” you say, sounding out of breath and exhausted. When he turns around, you’re laid back on your bed, legs dangling over the edge and eyes closed. Your undergarments are nowhere in sight so he can only assume you threw them somewhere.

“Don’t fall asleep yet. Let’s get you under the covers.” He says. Your face scrunches like you’re going to whine about it, but you let him gently man handles you up and under the covers of your bed. By the time he has you tucked in your fluttering between awake and asleep, eyelids staying closed longer than open. His hand presses at your face tenderly and then the warmth of it is gone. Your eyes open to see him drifting to the door.

“Wait,” you call out weakly. He pauses, turning back towards you, you can see a fond look cross his face while he waits for you to speak. “Stay, please” you scoot over in your queen-sized bed. It was large enough you could span out eagle style, but you get the feeling it may be too small for Jason. You just didn’t want to be alone. He concedes without complaint, laying on top of the covers beside you. You turn on your side, curling in on yourself and against him. Your hand pops out from under the covers and curls around his forearm, his own mimics you. You close your eyes and carefully press your face against his arm.

“Thank you” you murmur, already drifting in unconsciousness. He doesn’t say anything, but you feel him squeeze your arm before you’re completely out.

Additional note: Yea so I love him. I hope the comfort lives up to what guys wanted after the last chapter. Also, I would like to apologize, I told a bunch of people it would be out Saturday, and I am posting it Sunday morning. I had COVID all of this last week, stuck in my apartment by myself. So obviously the days don’t exist. Anyways sorry about that. Also the amount of times I had to walk away because I felt like I was witnessing someone else's private moment was insane. Thank you for reading and for loving on this series.

Tag List: @little-miss-naill, @nikilolo787, @joonunivrs, @uzxotic, @qardasngan, @stormz369,  @g4bbi3xx, @iwatobiswimbros, @the-lonely-flute, @elz-xo, @gone-batty-fics, @princessesgarden, @notfckincreative, @love-theangel, @feyres-fireheart, @tetsuroubaby 

[ashen-char]

we can be pirates

ship: river (all souls) x reader (gender neutral)

summary: river wants to give her daughter the best birthday party possible. noticing that it's personal for her, you help.

word count: 2400+

notes: requested here. split into two parts bc it surprised me how long it was getting. title from taylor swift's 'seven'. TELL ME THE SKULLS DONT GIVE PIRATE VIBES

River sits on the couch you two hauled off the road just last summer, flipping through the pages of a worn-out book on crafts. Beside her sits her mini-me, her daughter Jade who always loves being dressed up just like her mama. Big brown eyes go wide with excitement as the little girl points at one of the pictures.

"Mama, we can make this for my party," she exclaims, her small finger tracing the outline of a paper flower.

River hums, a tight smile on her face. "Yeah, baby. It doesn't look too hard. That'll be great."

Jade giggles and marks down the page number, already a small list of ideas on her pad of paper, her legs swinging.

Despite her smile, River can't help but think of how she wants more for her little girl. How she hates that Jade already knows they have to cut costs like this. Maybe if she pushed down her ego that told her she can do it all alone, without a cent of Silas' dirty money. River shakes her head, willing those thoughts out. She focuses on the pride blooming in her chest that Jade's still so happy and content with homemade efforts. She's raised a smart, kind, and wonderful girl. God, she can't even believe her baby's turning six in a week.

"You wanna help me?" she asks, poking Jade's cheek, who has now moved on to the section about invitation cards.

"Of course!"

This is when you walk in, joining them on the couch. You were busy preparing dinner so you didn't catch the full conversation, but the apartment's small enough where you could catch bits and pieces even without eavesdropping. Before you have a chance to tell them the food's ready, Jade shoves the book in your hands.

"You can pick one! I like this and this and-" Jade's pointing all over the place, choosing invitation cards she likes the look of seemingly by random if you didn't know her well. Luckily, you've had the chance to. Under River's upbringing and her own endless curiosity, Jade loves so many things it's hard to think of one straightforward theme. She loves her monster trucks as much as her stuffed puppy, as much as the manga the older kids in the apartment complex show her, as much as nature and princesses and scary stories.

"Woah, woah, slow your roll, kiddo." You wipe your hands on the apron before putting your hands on the book, knowing you'd get glares if you greased it up. "What's this about a party? I thought you didn't want to do a big one," you question.

"She doesn't. Says she'd be alright if it was just the three of us sharing pizzas and watching TV," River answers, to which Jade nods. "But Jade's in school now, you know? All the other moms already side-eye me for having her so young. I don't wanna give them more ammo, or make them tell their kids not to hang out with Jade anymore."

River has complained to you extensively before about the mom politics going on. Invite someone's kid to a party and they don't invite your kid back? Consider yourself dead to everyone. Couldn't bring muffins to their stupid bake sale? Worst mom ever award.

"I want Jade to have fun with her friends and not worry about being teased about not having a huge unicorn cake, or whatever. So..." River gestures to the book pressed into your hands, and you note all the marked pages of ideas.

You know the deeper reason too. How deep down, River wants better for Jade than what she had, never wants her to feel like she's going without. She wants Jade to feel like the other kids. To be able to stay a kid for longer, not cutting back on the toys she asks for just because you two are going from paycheck to paycheck. That's your responsibility as the adults. She shouldn't have to worry, shouldn't be punished for being born River's kid. It's something you've assured River about over and over again, that Jade's lucky to be hers and that the little girl knows it. But you can understand that wish too. Jade's such a sweetie. If any kid deserves to feel special on their birthday and get everything they ask for, it's her.

So it's no surprise that River isn't sold on the whole DIY party vibe. Resourceful is one thing, but she hates feeling cheap. Hates asking for or needing cash. She'll let go of her pride if the situation gets tough, but damn does she hate when people assume she can't take care of her girl.

"Hey, Jadey?" you ask, scooching down to address her directly. The two of you have agreed to not talk about money problems in front of her, so you know she should be far away for this discussion. "Can you go to the kitchen and turn the stove off? And when you're done, how about you write down all your friends' names that you want there, and draw them all a special invitation?"

Jade perks up at the request, liking to go on 'special missions' to help you or River. She likes the responsibility, likes that her favourite people can rely on her. It's part of what makes her such a good kid. "OK! Here!" As she hops off of the couch, she hands you the book. "They're gonna be the best pictures ever!"

"Don't come back too soon, OK? We're gonna come up with lots of ideas to surprise you!" you call out.

You turn to River, who shoves the book aside, frustrated. "Fuck. I don't wanna be a wimp about this, honestly. Or make it all about me."

"Hey." Your hand goes to her shoulder, rubbing right where she always seems to get tense. "It's fine. It's your first time living too. Or whatever the phrase is."

"It's just- I would've done anything as a kid to have had a birthday party," she shares, shaking her head like she thinks she's being ridiculous. But River does melt into your touch, letting you start to rub up, getting to the junction where her neck meets her shoulder. "This sucks to say, but I was always too ashamed to take any of my friends back home. I'm grateful for it now, but it was tiny and it smelled and I knew it. Didn't want them to give me shit for it."

Listening intently, your fingers trail over her shoulders as River sits up and tugs her knees to her chest. "And I didn't wanna hassle my mom. She was already doing so much to take care of me and put food on the table," River tells you. "My friends invited me to ones with the fancy custom cakes and the goody bags filled with toys and snacks, you know? The parties where the kids get to wear crowns and the parents take a million photos. My mom couldn't afford to take a day off of work, and I didn't have enough allowance to buy a gift anyways. So I never went to any."

And you can understand that. It's not like being a loner is always a choice. Sometimes you know that even if you try your best, you won't fit in, so why try? Pretend it's a choice. Pretend you're above it all, too cool for it, when all you really want to do is have fun with everyone.

"She's turning six. We could turn a sprinkler on and call it a water park and the kids would scream and laugh more than at some expensive party," you say. They're easy to impress at that age, at least in your own memory of being a kid.

River shakes her head. She wraps her arms around her knees tighter, resting her chin on them. "A water park? Really? She's six. She wants a real party with her friends, not just an excuse to run around like crazy. And it's not like we have a backyard for them to run in anyways." Something in her throat trembles, and it makes her voice rise with frustration. "I want to give her something special, y'know? I want her to feel like a princess for a day, not a charity case. Throwing around some paper decorations isn't gonna make the apartment bigger."

You know that tone, and you want Jade to have the very best too, so you fix on a more serious face, not wanting your girlfriend to feel like she's alone in this. "Fine. OK, so what's... special but free? Botanical gardens? Beach?" you start to pitch and brainstorm. "What's the best space to pizzazz with these paper flowers that Jade's gonna kick ass at making?"

When your hand reaches her ear, she just melts. It's a soothing gesture that helps when River gets these horrific stress migraines, pinching and rubbing along the lobe to coax blood flow. River thinks for a moment, considering those suggestions. "Yeah, the beach could work," River says slowly, a small smile tugging at the corner of her mouth. "Jade loves the water, and I know her friends would have a blast playing in the waves."

"We'd keep an eye on them the whole time obviously," you add. "Section off an area just for the party, probably with whatever decorations Jade's picked.

More on board with the crafts now that they have a space in mind, she hands you the list of ideas Jade already jotted down. "Here. If you can read her handwriting."

Just like Jade's interests, her ideas are all over the place. Not that you don't appreciate her creative process, but cowboys, aliens, and dragons don't sound very beachy. There are pages that she scrawled down that go together though. The foam sword, the paper pirate hat, and a treasure map. You'll pour coffee on it, crumple it a little, and singe the edges with a lighter to make it look authentic. A pirate theme sounds like the ideal way to make everything cohesive, especially since it'll keep the kids entertained so no one goes home complaining to their parents.

"It could be like a scavenger hunt," River says. She's been steadily getting into the whole idea, pitching all sorts of ideas to make Jade's special day great. "Kills two birds with one stone. The map is something they actually use instead of a set piece and we'll know where they are when they run around. Make sure they stay where we can see 'em.

"Yeah, I like that! When I was a kid, I read these Skullduggery books and was like, damn, imagine digging something up. Me and my siblings buried this time capsule at the beach, but I'm pretty sure it just got swept away by the waves."

"You shoulda dug deeper," River teases, but pecks your lips when you pout at the memory. "OK, so that's settled for the main activity. What can we put in the chest that won't break the bank?"

Chocolate coins, obviously. The two of you take turns listing out treasures that you'd find for cheap, like candy necklaces and plastic swords that will be sturdier than the foam ones. Eyepatches are a must too. Plastic telescopes and octopus pop-its.

River writes down a note that Jade could make her friends a custom friendship bracelet to thank them for coming and commemorate the occasion. Plus, it would get that rainbow loom set you two bought her out of the storage. Jade went on a bracelet-making kick two months ago but got bored, so now you've got all these extra loom bands around.

The two of you get to throwing around food ideas (you, personally, wanna serve chicken nuggets but brand them as 'gold nuggets') when Jade comes out of her room.

"Ta-da!" the girl says, holding out her birthday invitations. All told, there are seven, with radically different drawings attached. There's a horse (which looks like a giraffe with the neck honestly), a robot, a ballet dancer... "I've got six best best friends, so they've all gotta come. Mackenzie's got a little brother that should probably come too since they're always together, so I made him a smaller one."

"It's very sweet of you to think of your friend's brother." River shoots you a look as she says this, since Jade has been very fixated on siblings ever since you moved in. You shrug. You're not opposed to the idea but babies are expensive so the conversation has never gone longer than "that'd be cool!"

"These are awesome, kiddo! Think you could add something to each of 'em? Me and your mama thought a theme would make your birthday even cooler," you say.

"A theme? Oh, what is it, what is it?" Jade's already got her crayons in hand, ready to add to her masterpieces depending on your next words.

"Mmm, let's just say that you could be a mermaid, or have a peg-leg, but you can't turn up as a land-lubber." You cringe as soon as you're done saying it (you had been writing clue ideas for the scavenger hunt for the last ten minutes, OK?), but it makes River laugh so it's worth it.

"Pirates?!" You think the windows might shatter, that's how loud Jade's shriek is.

"Hell yeah, baby girl!" River says. "You like it?"

"I love it! Thank you so so much!" Jade leaps between you two, her tiny arms trying their best to wrap around and hug you both at the same time.

Upon seeing River's excitement as she shows Jade the list of ideas you two came up with, you can't help but smile. Your two favourite girls in the world are so hyped now that they're not even thinking about the cost, which was what you've wanted from the start. Jade pores over the list, nodding and adding little notes to the margins. There needs to be vegetarian options for her friend, Priya, for example, and she doesn't want it soooo different from the other food that Priya feels like she's missing out.

The day ends with half-made paper flowers, hot glue on foam, and Jade's rainbow loom taking up space on the kitchen counter and dozens of tiny colourful rubber bands all over the floor. Not to mention the dinner you cooked, which has gone cold and forgotten still on the stove. But when you turn to see Jade passed out on the couch, River's eyes lock with yours. Tired and pissed off from watching too many DIY YouTube tutorials, your girlfriend mouths "thank you. Jade was so happy," and you wouldn't have it any other way.

[bullet-prooflove]

All That Glitters: Part Two - History - OA Zidan x Reader (feat: Scott Forrester)

Tagging: @kmc1989 @trublu2u @mrspeacem1nusone @greenies-green @rosaliedepp @whateversomethingbruh @anime-weeb-4-life @daydreaming-belle @burningpeachpuppy @scarlettsakura @divergent146 @upsteadlogic @malindacath @skyesthebomb @kilikonakapamana @yezzyyae @redpool @stxrryswvrld @district447 @@soultrysworld

Companion piece to:

All That Glitters - Omar suffers after a tough case.

By the time you come on board the scope of the operation has grown exponentially. You’re talking dozens of tender age girls being trafficked through New York, Budapest, Paris and countless other cities worldwide.   

Dotcom millionaires, judges, senators, the list of rich and powerful men involved in this thing just goes on and on and at the centre of it is Colin Kent, international sex trafficker. The man who has just absconded to Croatia, with fourteen-year-old Sunny, a girl he’s been using as his plaything.

When you get boots on the ground in Zagreb you don’t expect to see Scott Forrester waiting for you at the Europol offices. You knew you’d be meeting with a flight team; you just had no idea that it would be his. You’d lost track of him after he’d left your division.

It’s clear he doesn’t expect to see you either, you can tell by the way he says your name.

“When they said they were sending a specialist I had no idea it was you.” He says almost apologetically as he shakes your hand.

You’ve changed since he last laid eyes on you. Your hair’s a little longer, a little darker. You’ve gained a couple of pounds, it looks good on you, healthy. You have more tattoos than he remembers, he can see the bright colours decorating your forearms as you push up the sleeves of the white jumper that you’re wearing. Beside you OA clears his throat and it’s in that moment that Scott realises the two of you are more than just colleagues. There’s a protectiveness in the other man that he recognises because he's been there, in the exact same place.

There’s no time to reminisce, you hit the ground running. Scott doesn’t expect any different. You were tenacious when he worked with you seven years ago, that hasn’t changed.

“How do the two of you know each other?” OA asks him when they’re alone in the conference room. They’re sticking photographs of the girls to the glass wall, trying to figure out how many of them are in play. The scope of the investigation is growing, what started off as one girl has become over a hundred and it just keeps getting worse.

OA’s question is one that Scott’s been dreading because it takes him back to the worst night of his life. He’d been running the operation that landed you that apartment. It had been him who’d decided to use you as the UC, him who’d found you brutalised, half naked in that bed. He’d thought you were going to die that night. He’d sat in the chapel and prayed to a God he didn’t believe in that you’d pull through, that you’d make it back to him. In the aftermath of the surgery he’d sat by your bed, while your father flew in from Delaware, bore the brunt of his wrath when he told him what had happened.

“We worked together.” Scott says quietly, his focus fixated on the task at hand. “Before I took a job with the fly team…”

He sees the moment that it dawns on OA. He exhales suddenly, his arms crossing over his chest, his head dipping low. Scott can’t imagine what the other man must think of him.  

“You’re that Scott.” He says knowingly. “The one she was with when…”

He trails off because he can’t bring himself to say the words and Scott doesn’t want to hear them.

“Yea.” Scott says quietly. “I’m that Scott.”

-

You dream about that night. The sky-blue dress you were wearing, the blood trickling down your face into your eyes, the sound of the material ripping under Tribeck’s hands as he undressed you. More than anything you remember the pain, the degradation.

It’s Omar that wakes you, his soothing voice breaking through the nightmare as his palm cups the side of your face, guiding your gaze up to meet his.

“You’re safe.” He whispers, his lips kissing away the salt that trails down your cheeks. “You’re safe here with me, no one can hurt you, it’s just the two of us.”

He goes through the breathing exercises. In for five, hold for five, out for five, the same way you do when he has a bad night. It takes a while for you to calm down, for your breathing to regulate, for your heart to stop pounding against your chest.

“It’s Scott, isn’t it?” He says softly as he holds you close. “Seeing him again brings it all back.”

“We were together a year before it happened.” You tell him, the grip you have on his t-shirt tightening. “It was his op, his decision to use me as the UC…”

You trail off because everything after that is fractured. Your world had fallen apart and Scott, he couldn’t look at you without seeing what had happened that night, without feeling responsible. It’s been seven years and he still harbours that guilt. It’s in the way he keeps his distance, the two of you have barely been in the same room since you landed in Croatia and you know that’s by design.

“You need to absolve him.” Omar whispers into your hair. “It’s the only way you’ll  both be free of it.”

His palm comes to rest on the back of your neck, his thumb stroking over that delicate little spot, the one that he knows soothes you. He feels the tension start to seep out of your body, your muscles unfurling as you tuck yourself in against him.

“Tomorrow.” You say quietly. “I’ll talk to him tomorrow.”

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[spindle-girl]

Alec predicted Piggot, but not Sophia

How the PRT treats Sophia is something that used to be debated a fair amount a few years back when I was on other forums. Both in the canon scenario and potential what ifs that Wildbow answered to an extent. I don't think it's too hard to piece together if you're going back and looking for any mention of Sophia/Shadow Stalker, but it is spaced out between a bunch of different arcs and some of what Wildbow said got misquoted so I wanted to compile it all into one go.

Lots of quotes with explanations below, so the short of it is:

Alec wanted Sophia to keep quiet about the extent he controlled her for and guessed how Piggot would react in order to scare Sophia from speaking up. She didn't, but Alec turned out to be right. Piggot dropped her, Shadow Stalker no longer being worth it to keep around, and to sell that, she ensured Sophia was sent to jail where before she would have stayed as a member of the Wards. The biggest change for that being that she was compromised by Regent.

We know from 9.1 that Director Piggot believes her role as Director is ensure parahumans are integrated with regular people:

“You likely know Director Armstrong in Boston, how he tends to prioritize research and understanding parahumans. I concern myself with more concrete affairs. Public relations, parahumans as a part of America.”

At the end of 10.x, Alec's interlude where he controls Sophia up to the very end, he nails this attitude Piggot has and uses it to put doubt in Sophia's mind to stop her from telling someone and getting help:

“Here’s the thousand dollar question,” he mused, as he began following the steps outlined in the video, putting the knot together, “Will your boss tell your mom what happened with me controlling you?  If she keeps her mouth shut, well, this paints a pretty ugly picture, doesn’t it?” A tear rolled down his cheek.  He scoffed a little, blinked the tears out of her eyes. “But if she does tell, if she lets mommy know, then shit hits the fan.  It looks pretty fucking bad for her, and if word gets out, it’s as bad as it gets for public relations.  Scary, dangerous parahumans.  Not just lives at risk, but you could be controlled.  Ooooh, scary.  Nobody would ever be able to trust their coworkers or neighbors.  It’s the kind of stuff they want to keep quiet.”

Then, he threatens Sophia to keep quiet about him controlling her up to this point, telling her to sell the lie he told the other Undersiders, that he was going to let her go after walking her across the city, in order to keep the heat off him and maybe so his teammates don't find out he lied:

“I can feel your emotions.  I know I’ve convinced you.  You leave town, and if you don’t want me paying a visit, wherever you wind up, you keep your mouth closed about tonight.  They don’t need to know this was all my doing.  Things get messy that way, yeah?”

However, in later talks with Piggot (14.4, 16.3) we find that Sophia did tell her about him controlling her to threaten her mother and later herself with the suicide fake-out. Alec got it wrong. She trusted Piggot with that info, presumably hoping Piggot would get her mother to believe her story about being body-jacked when Alec used her to threaten her and maybe so that they'd go after Alec more seriously:

“The power has range.  I suspect the creator can stay miles away and still manage some control, but ventures closer for voyeuristic purposes or because it offers more control and faster response times.” “Much like Regent, hmm?” Tattletale paused.  “So you know that.” From the tone of the conversation, I would have expected a ‘No, you just told me.‘, but Tattletale wouldn’t have done that.  More likely that her power confirmed her thoughts. “Shadow Stalker debriefed us. What do we know about this woman who controls-”

~14.4

“I don’t think so,” Director Piggot replied, turning to level a glare at him.  She looked almost feral, even as her voice was controlled.  “See, I know you might try to kill me if these others weren’t around.  But the others won’t let you.  There’s Regent too: little to no compunctions, as we saw with Shadow Stalker.” Her eye darted to Tattletale, then to Grue, and finally to me. “Do they know the full story?” the Director asked. “No,” Tattletale replied.  She sighed a little. “Tell us what?” I asked. “I’m interested, too,” Grue added. The Director only smiled.

~16.3

So Piggot knows, but Alec was right about her having to make a choice. Does Piggot tell Sophia's mother, letting her know that her child didn't really try and attack her, that her body was stolen and she couldn't do a thing but watch?

Nope!

“Because of what happened, because she was still reeling from the time she spent as your meat puppet, she attacked her mom, who called the authorities.  They caught up just in time to catch her in her room, electrical cord around her neck.  Cost Shadow Stalker her probation, meaning she got stuck in some parahuman detention center until she’s eighteen.  And word is her mom doesn’t want her back when she’s finished the three-year sentence.  Last straw and everything.  Her life, put on hold, her family shattered.  Maybe she was damaged like you said, but you took her captive and tormented her until she went off the deep end.”

~18.3

She takes the other route Alec laid out. She kept quiet and used the opportunity to get rid of a compromised, potentially PR-damaging tool. And I think that's the real reason why she got sent to juive, because we know from Weld in 10.3 that Piggot wanted to keep Sophia around before finding out she was compromised despite attacking Vista and that it was Weld pushing for something to be done:

“No. This is serious. You assaulted a team member. I’m not about to let that slide.” ... A few seconds passed before she finally asked, “What are you going to do?” “After these guys are securely in custody, we’re going to have words with the Director. She wants you on this team, for whatever reason, so I don’t expect your probation will be broken, but there’s going to be consequences.”

There is the matter of the text messages Alec sent to the school and the police that may have helped changed how Piggot reacted, but it's doubtful because why would either of those institutions care enough about a months-old bullying incident with the city in the state it was in to contact the PRT about it? Dragon didn't mention informing Piggot either when she found it in her interlude.

Also, Piggot already knows Sophia was bullying a fellow student at this point. Her "guardian" in 5.4 was sent by the PRT for the school meeting and Armsmaster talked about knowing the incident in 7.x, Miss Militia's interlude.

None of what Wildbow said out of text would counter this either:

It's hard to unseat a crook-turned-cape once they're on board, because then you run the risk that the public discovers you're bringing less than savory types on board. Besides, in the PRT's view, she was more or less playing ball. Getting therapy, using tranq darts, attending patrols (if alone), attending her track team, and going out to movies with her best friend. If something came up at school, it was generally seen as a bump in the road to recovery. This is why she was as pissed as she was over the meeting at the school where everything came up. It straight up overturned her act. In a calmer situation, if things hadn't gone shit-sideways, stuff would have gone through and things would have changed. Not enough, but they would have.​ If Taylor had pushed and pushed and pushed (or if Taylor had joined the team and made an issue of it), maybe something would have happened, but even then... what do you do? It goes back to the question of how problematic it is to get rid of troublesome recruits. Sophia stays on the team in an official capacity, makes appearances, but generally it's for show, and she isn't allowed to patrol anymore (at which point she gets restless and snaps, which the PRT may or may not anticipate, depending on what's on the table).​

Had Leviathan not shown up in Brockton Bay, the PRT would eventually address the bullying issue brought up in 5.4, but their efforts wouldn't amount to much. It's contrasted with the scenario of her getting benched, where that would only happen if Taylor kept making an issue of it for the PRT or if she joined the team, giving Piggot another Ward to use. So if the text messages were relevant enough to fall under "If Taylor had pushed and pushed and pushed", Sophia would either get benched, or accounting for Regent being able to control her, just get sent to another team in another city. It would not be her getting sent to jail.

What's more, Piggot didn't just keep it from Sophia's family. None of the heroes, Wards or Protectorate, know about it either (15.x, 18.3). They're under the impression that Sophia had a breakdown after being let go and went home and threatened her mother before trying to kill herself.

“I’m tired of losing people,” Vista said. “We lost Gallant. Aegis too, and Velocity, Dauntless, Battery…” “Yeah. And Shadow Stalker,” Triumph offered. “She left,” Clockblocker said. “I’d still consider her a casualty,” Triumph said. “We might not have liked her, but she was one of us, and the enemy basically took her from us.”

~15.x

“Our focus right now is you.  You, who drove Shadow Stalker into a corner, to the point where she flipped out on her mom and tried to hang herself with an electrical cord.”

~18.3

They also weren't aware of her using lethal ammunition, also shown in 18.3, so she wouldn't have been jailed for that either:

“She was a hero because the other choice was juvie,” I said.  “In the months leading up to our kidnapping her, she was using real crossbow bolts.  Shooting them at people, Grue included.  If I remember right, she wasn’t supposed to have or be using any lethal ammo, on penalty of jail time.” “Do you have evidence?” Miss Militia asked. “Would it matter?  Does it matter?  Judging by what I saw, in my limited interaction with her, she was pretty psychotic.  There’s no way you guys spent all that time with her without something crossing your radar.  The night we took her, I baited her out and she tried to cut my throat.” “I understand where you’re coming from,” Miss Militia said, “But again, I have to ask for evidence.  I can’t take you at your word, there’s procedures to be followed.”

Piggot knows it wasn't Sophia that attacked her mom, she is already aware of the bullying at school and a few more text messages wouldn't change that with the city in the state it's in, Weld is having to push Piggot to act on Sophia attacking Vista, and she doesn't know about the lethal ammo. She still sent her to jail.

None of the above mattered to Piggot in making that decision. What mattered was the bad PR. That word could get out if people thought Sophia had been hurt, rather than her doing the hurting. If word did get out, then civilians would see the PRT failing to capture Regent and it would hurt their authority. But by ensuring a parahuman who "snapped" was successfully sent to jail, it shows that the PRT is able to address any problems within it's purview. Becoming convict is another way to add doubt to Sophia's story and being stuck in jail would keep her from easily talking to others about it.

Sophia risked telling the truth about what happened to her, but she couldn't operate in Brockton Bay anymore. She was compromised. She was useless and potentially harmful to Piggot's goals, so Piggot got rid of her.

[sunshinecatie]

So I just finished reading Stephanie Brown's Batgirl run. I've been holding out finishing it officially because she's my favorite and I didn't really want it to end so soon. But she's a titular part of my thesis so my procrastination could not wait any longer. "So Catie, you just finished Steph's Batgirl run! How do you feel?" Sad.

So sad is a bit too vague. I'll explain why I feel this way, because alot of it does stem from my personal view and connection to Stephanie.

Stephanie's the underdog. She's always been the underdog of the Batfam. Never taken seriously by Bruce, and very rarely by Tim (depending on the writer). She DIES guys. And yes it was retconned when DC realized how badly they f'd up but seriously. She doesn't even get a memorial like Jason or Batgirl. In fact, in her Batgirl she's told that the only way to get a suit in a case is to die, become someone else, or retire.

... well Steph technically died, but I guess being 'fired' doesn't count as being retired either.

I digress. Her batgirl is beautifully written and I could go on for far too long talking about how Steph grows and flourishes under this mantle with Barbara as her mentor. As Bruce says in Batman vs Robin "Barbara always was more patient than me" in regard to training Stephanie. Also, her slapping the shit out of Bruce is a beautiful touch.

But its the ending that got me. Steph finds out her dad, Cluemaster, is not only back from the dead but he's controlling all the chaos that's been happening at her college. He's once again the source of her issues. He also drugs her with a hallucinogen that causes her to see her deepest desires. She blacks out. Wakes up in a hospital, with her mother, Crystal Brown, watching over her. Steph's batgirl cowl is still on so she doesn't really know if her mom knows its her, but its implied that she knows its Steph. Later she has a conversation with Barbara. Barbara: "What'd you see when you were under the influence?" Steph: "Stuff."

Hard cut to a montage of Stephanie leading a team with Cassandra. Stephanie being a mom. Stephanie training Tiffany Fox to be the next Batgirl. It's an incredibly touching moment of Stephanie actually seeing her self-worth for once.

We have a really touching moment with Barbara too. (I've cut the following quote from Barbara's lines so its just Steph speaking)

"Regardless of all the places I've been and the places I've yet to go. Right here... Right now... this moment is mine. And once tomorrow is here. there's no more today. Because today, I'm happy. It's only the end if you want it to be." -Stephanie Brown, Batgirl 2009

"Its only the end if you want it to be."

What a way to end it. I dont know if Bryan Q. Miller knew that Stephanie was not going to last as Batgirl. I dont know if he knew Barbara was going to 'become healed' and become Batgirl again. I dont know if this line was a tongue in cheek "Steph may be leaving but you the readers can make her live on. This is the only the end of her story if YOU want it to be" moment. Maybe I'll get to ask him about it one day. But I do know it made me cry.

It made me cry that she didn't get to be more. Cry that Batgirl was taken from her. That she was pushed back into being Spoiler on a smaller scale than even when she was created. That it's been almost 15 years since Stephanie became Batgirl. Oh how I miss her.

But then it made me cry happy tears, because this is her only solo series. We got Batgirl as Steph's solo series. We got to watch her grow up. We got such an accurate depiction of what being a teenage girl is like. I don't know how Bryan Q. Miller did it. I don't know how he transformed himself into Stephanie Brown to write such a fantastic arch for this character. If we don't get to see her again in a solo series, I can rest easy knowing that we got 24 issues of perfect. 24 issues where Stephanie got to be her kick ass self. 24 issues where we got to see her shine as Batgirl and overcome obstacles that hindered her success in the past. 24 issues where we got to see how great of a mentor Barbara is for Stephanie and exactly the one she needed.

I love you Stephanie Brown. I don't think you know how much I do and maybe, just maybe, one day I'll get to write your first Spoiler solo series.

[namelessprayers]

mel medarda is flesh and blood born of the sun, light melded into the intricate fabric of her being like both a magnet and repellent to all of existence; but mel medarda, the glow of progress instilled in her every breathe, sits upon a throne of bones and ashes amongst a council of fools. so she is contradictory, both perfection and flaw, and viktor would gladly pick her brain in the name of progress if she wasn't half the marketing of their city in its glorious evolution.

there is a secret in her artful words. there is a message in her quiet empathy and unshakeable distrust. although it is true that the world is full of sensitive and isolated people, all broken by the thousands, viktor would never guess that such kindred pieces of pain would be found in an individual so elevated beyond himself. he thinks that perfection must escape this universe and the next; for if mel medarda cannot find what she is searching for in a world that seems to bend and kneel at her coy decrees, then what can viktor possible hope to achieve as a dead man walking?

======

foxes and wolves, those aligned and those opposed, good until proven bad and bad until proven good.

viktor, nameless and unacknowledged.

he strays in the shadows, and mel always wonders if he knows how it feels to be touched by the light, if he even knows that he is allowed to walk into it willingly. she does not pity him because he does not pity her. they are not pitiful creatures, and sometimes, it is strange that they are able to recognize even that much in each other.

then the medarda visits unwelcome, the one mel heeds as mother in the way only a lonely daughter could. viktor has been dying from the start, and mel feels some part of jayce die too (and somewhere within she is being strung along in that silent shroud of death).

it is always cold in beds with restless sleepers. it is always cold wherever mel goes, and she wonders if viktor is cold now that he is on the brink of dying. it is a contrived, pointless thought.

she is still cold when the roses take her, black and shriveled and sporting thorns that feel like ice injected straight through her blood.

elora must be cold now. this kino, not her brother, is cold to touch. mel medarda briefly hopes that it will be warm when she returns, but piltover runs cold in both the people and the land.

she knows this because caitlyn kiramman ran cold. she knows this because her mother touched the city and stole its softest light. she knows this because jayce talis ran warm, but he was also tainted by the allure of progress and the man who mel now understands to have always been cold even while alive.

mel stops hoping for warmth and stops asking if it is cold even in the darkest places where the light isn't a blinding force of destruction.

======

to understand is separate from feeling. viktor understands the cold, but he no longer feels it. viktor understands jayce talis, but he no longer knows the feeling that sits between them. viktor understands the arcane, but he cannot feel it the way that mel medarda does in every fiber of her being. these are the last of the unprecedented revelations he has before everything in his comprehension unravels by the light of his glorious hubris.

perfection does not exist. mel medarda was always proof of that, and viktor thinks he ignored the sign in light of his own imperfect feeling. he could not burn to death before the sun because he was already burning from the start, like a star, trudging through its eternal cycle of death and rebirth. it must be another error of the universe that two people with so much in common were linked by a fragile strand of one man and a contradictory means of dreaming; progress, pursuit, and the ruins of a city that aimed to grasp it.

======

the ocean is cold. the ship is cold. it does not matter where, it is cold.

mel medarda imagines the city left behind is still cold, and she imagines that where she is going will be cold.

yet, her hands are warm and her eyes burn without tears. the imprint of magic, the swell of the arcane, is true light. she thinks of jayce talis, gone like the stars that die, but will inevitably come back. she knows that after all, viktor was a light of his own, perished like the moon.

neither stars nor moon ever care for the sun. they'll leave, abandon the universe, and mel will remain because otherwise it will all burn with her.

mel's mother always wanted too much, and now, mel is everything; fox, wolf, aligned and opposing, both good and bad until otherwise.

======

a blanket more light than warmth. a journey more ends than beginning. a golden tattoo more protection than aesthetic. the scientist, the martyr; the victor, the loser; the lady, the same. viktor has failed to do good. there is nothing more to be retrieved, no greatness to be salvaged in the wake of his failure. they all take the same road, drifting away from the wreck, across the expanse of the cosmos or to the shores of another cold nation. but he knows that he has lost without exception. viktor has no ability to lose again, and for that, he apologizes for the first and last time to mel medarda.

[sailorluna15]

Like Him by Tyler The Creator, but it's Azula and her family.

Azula being Lola Young's part of "Do I look like him?"

From Ursa's point of view, it's her seeing not only Ozai but herself in Azula. She sees how Ozai has infected Azula just like he infected her. She sees how she went from smiling like her, laughing like her, crying like her, dancing like her, singing like her, and even reading the same fairytale books she used to read as a child to imitating her father and abandoning everything that she loves and that's natural to please him.

Ozai sees himself in his daughter. He sees himself as a child in her. A calm, socially awkward child who struggles to make connections with others. A child who spends much time alone, drawing, painting, and playing make-believe. However, he also sees Ursa. When he sees Azula come home with two girls he doesn't know and look happier than she's looked in her entire life, it makes him envious. Seeing her sing, draw, and dance for her mother, cousin, brother, and friends makes him sneer. She doesn't need to do those things. Those things will do nothing but make her weak. He will make her strong. She doesn't need anyone but him. One by one, he chips away at her. Rubs poison on her gums and whispers curses into her ears. He exposes her to radiation and tells her symptoms are normal. He destroys her because she's more useful to him that way. She's more useful when she looks like Ozai than when she looks like Ursa.

Zuko stares at his sleeping child, and a memory flashes through his mind. He and Azula leaning on each other, sleeping soundly. He never thought in a million years that his daughter would come out looking like his sister. When Izumi smiles, laughs, gives attitude, dances, and shows repeatedly that she's quick as a whip, it reminds him of his sister. He wonders what life would be like if Ozai had been different. If Mom had been different. If Cousin hadn't died. If Uncle had taken her with him. If she had gone with them. If she'd had been more like a sister and less like an enemy. Even now, as their toxic relationship has turned into a weirdly close one, she refuses to come home. To return to her keeper. He tried bringing her to his chambers the first time she returned to the palace. She refused. He asks why, but she refuses to answer. He wants to push further, but she looks like she might break if he does, so he doesn't. He tries to get her to stay longer, as his daughter loves her newfound family member, but Azula pushes to go home. She pushes to go back home to the countryside with her wife. He lets her go and only sees her when his turtle duck dances to a concert of hers playing on the TV. Every time his turtle duck sees her Titi singing on stage, she asks when she's coming back to see her lovebug.

Mai gets a little jealous when she sees her old friend interacting with her new friends. She sees the little girl she became best friends with when she sees her with them. How she laughs, jokes, dances, and spends time with them reminds her of how they all used to be before Ozai. Fuck him. Why did Azula have to change? Why couldn't she stay the way she was. Funny, witty, protective, and kind in her own little way. Mai sees 'Zula in Azula. She wants to be friends with 'Zula again, but she doesn't know if they can ever return to that. She still harbors resentment and hate for the things Azula has done, but she still loves 'Zula. She always knew 'Zula was still in there somewhere, just hiding to keep safe. Azula's here because it's unsafe for 'Zula to be out. Azula protects 'Zula. Azula hurts others to protect 'Zula. Mai and Azula are cordial now. They laugh together about old times and about new things too, but Mai can tell it's not the same. Azula is always a bit guarded around all of them. She's protecting 'Zula. Mai guesses 'Zula doesn't feel safe around her anymore. It hurts Mai a little to know that Azula is the only version of 'Zula she'll ever see anymore.

Ty Lee is a little like Mai. She sees 'Zula, but she sees Azula more. She's happy Azula has changed, glad that 'Zula's. However, she can't help but wonder why she and Mai weren't enough. Why couldn't Azula change for them? She knows it isn't that simple. Azula was protecting herself the best way she knew how, but it still hurt to see her treat people she'd known since she was 16 better than people she'd known since she was 6. What's so special about them? Her new friends act protective whenever she and Mai are around. As if Azula needs their protection. As if they hurt Azula. She knows they fucked up with Azula, but Azula hurt them way more than they hurt her. They all agreed to let everything go. They both have apologized to each other and have shown growth, but things will never be the same. Azula won't even let Ty behind her. If she thinks Ty is behind her, she immediately turns around or maneuvers herself to where Ty Lee is in her line of sight. Ty Lee guesses it's only fair. Whenever Azula lights something on fire, Ty Lee creates a healthy distance and gets nervous. They're cool, but there are some things you can never forget.

This was supposed to be a little short but it got long. LEMME KNOW IF YALL WANT MORE.

[darklinaforever]

Here are the latest stupid opinions about Nosferatu 2024.

Seriously...

The worst part is that these people think they're smart. How the hell do their brains work !? I'm sick of opinions based on grooming arguments. That word is so trivialized it's crazy.

Oh and... Ellen is not a sick woman. She's never even been sick. It's the goal of the movie to show that she's not !

And then, if the movie was really about what this person described, what a dangerous message that would be. Does this person really think that's what Robert Eggers wrote ? It's scary...

Also, the delirium of essentially saying that seeing the movie as an allegory for Victorian sexual repression is a mistake kills me because THAT'S WHAT THE MOVIE IS ABOUT ! GO WATCH THE EGGERS INTERVIEWS YOU IDIOT !

(And again, the second post is much longer than what I showed you, I spared you the stupidity of this person)

Sorry, I'm getting carried away, but I'm sick of this kind of person who thinks they're smart and who thinks they're offering analysis when they absolutely aren't.

And no one is saying that Ellen doesn't want Thomas. She loves him and wants him, yes. But the fact that they don't work together is emotionally and sexually because Thomas doesn't match Ellen on these things.

And Ellen was never a child (again, this is pure bad faith, the word used in movies and series by characters does not always mean having been a literal child, we can designate ourselves as such while we are teenagers or young adults), she was a teenager girl and Orlok represents her sexual awakening. Being found by her father is equivalent to being found by a parent in the middle of masturbation as well.

I'm sorry, but the interpretation of grooming should be banned so much it is distorted today.

Let these people go fuck themselves deeply.

No, Ellen is not a victim of CSA whether in the text, the subtext or in allegory. She is not one on the canonical level at all.

That you think so, fine, but stop acting like it's a fact or worse canonical fact. Because Eggers clearly tells you to fuck off on this subject (the canon of HIS movie). So criticizing people who essentially share Eggers' opinions and therefore don't see the film as a CSA / Grooming thing is still really cheeky.

You're the one who has a fucking problem with being obsessed with this and absolutely wanting any morally ambiguous story on a relational level to involve this type of dynamic.

[justanothermemestrider]

Nothing Ever Stays Dead - Part 4

Action sequence time baby let's gooooooo

Thank you guys so much for all the support so far. This one took a little longer to cook because fight scenes take ages to choreograph lol.

If you missed the previous part, you can catch up here :)

A lot for explicit violence in this one, including blood and gore, so be prepared for that. Also, I spent ages researching Dark Eldar weaponry, but it's all so wacky and weird that I just kinda did my own thing? I know I know, it's kinda lazy, but I've already twisted the lore so much for this story already, what's the harm in a little more?

Aside from that, apologies for spelling and grammar errors, I hope you enjoy and as always, thanks for reading!

Ellicent yelps in surprise as Gadriel grabs her. When she glimpses the Dark Eldar skiff, though, it quickly becomes a snarl "Severus!" she hisses. "Severus, you fucking rat! You-"

The screeching song of metal clanging against metal drowns out the rest of her furious cries.

Shredder rounds. Fist sized shells packed with razor-sharp monofilaments and the prefered weapons for this particular war band. Their function is in the name: to shred. Everything. From flesh and bone to steel and concrete. And, if the grimace on Gadriel's face is anything to go by, even space marine ceramite.

Just beyond his right shoulder, Ellicent spots the skiff again. It's hovering, now. Flanks split open like misplaced mouths, spewing scores of Dark Eldar raiders. Their armour is black and sleek; all crossing belts and studded leather. Except the studs aren't studs at all, but are rather chunks of skull and spinal bones. And the leather... Throne. Some of their chest pieces still have hair. Still have faces. Ellicent feels her stomach tie itself into knots.

The xenos still on the skiff cease their rain of fire as their melee force joins the fray. The latter hits the rooftop running. Gnarled spears and serrated blades flash in their taloned hands. Their long, elven faces are twisted into wicked grins. Some of them shriek in bloodlust and ecstasy.

Ellicent sets her jaw. "Turn left, Gadriel!"

Without hesitation, he does as she says. Twisting his hips, keeping a hold on Ellicent as he does. A trio of Dark Eldar are in front of her now. Screeching in delight with their weapons raised. Ellicent lifts her gauss canon towards them. With a cry of her own, she squeezes the trigger with her entire hand. The necron weapon cracks like a sonic boom. A lance of green energy- blinding, sparking, pulsing- explodes from its barrel at the speed of light. It hits the centre-most raider in the chest. For a moment his squeals turn agonising. Then, he says nothing at all. The beam devours him whole, blowing his body apart before stripping the pieces of their very atoms. It leaves no remains. Not even a pile of ash.

Alarmed, his comrades scatter, but Ellicent is on them like a hawk. Two more times, she fires. And two more times, a xenos is obliterated. She releases the trigger. Her gauss canon whines at her as if in disappointment.

Above her head, she hears Gadriel laughing.

His voice sounds different, now. Mechanical. Modulated. Ellicent glances up to find his face is now covered by a red Astartes' helm. The sight startles her a little. "Holy Terra," he says. "I'm glad you didn't hit me with that thing."

At first, the comment makes Ellicent wince. Then, she hears the smile in his voice.

He's joking. Seems like such a trivial thing, especially now. But even so, Ellicent can't help the warmth she feels inside at the realisation.

All around them, the Dark Eldar raiders circle them like sharks, no less blood-thirsty, but definately wary now. Their skiff continues to orbit overhead and its shredder fire has started up again. But it's not aimed at them anymore. It's aiming behind them. From that same direction, Ellicent hears the periodic bellow of a bolter.

The other Ultramarine. It has to be. What had Gadriel called him again?

Titus.

Gadriel releases the arm he'd had pinned across her middle, returning Ellicent to her feet. She hears a sword unsheath, an energy field activate. In her peripherals, she glimpses his power sword in one of his hands.

He stands at her back. His armour and undersuit are rough against her skin.

They're also wet...

"Are you bleeding?" she asks.

"I was. But no longer."

Despite herself, Ellicent's chest tightens. "Are you alright?"

Gadriel's response is a growl. "Dont worry about me. Focus on looking after yourself."

Ellicent stifles a growl of her own. You don't need to tell me; that's all I've been doing for the last fifty years.

Limber as they are, the Dark Eldar are still impossibly quick. They don't sprint so much as glide across the floor, and when they duck and dodge, their bodies are literal blurs.

Ellicent fires her gauss cannon again. She tags one on the arm. In a flurry of screams and green light, the limb evaporates, all the way up to the creature's shoulder. The raider collapses to the ground, writhing and wailing. The sight makes Ellicent grin. The Dark Eldar are infamous for deriving pleasure from pain; not just other's but their own, too. Looks like atomisation, though is too excruciating a pain even for the likes of them.

Holding down the trigger this time, Ellicent swings the weapon from left to right, carving into the incoming raiders with a continuous spray of lethal anti-matter. Three more fall victim to its fire, but one- a long-legged male in nothing but a skin loin cloth- manages to slip through. He's getting close. Too close. If Ellicent were to fire on him now, she'd risk catch herself in the blast. Taking her hand off the trigger, Ellicent grips both of the canon's handles tight. As the naked raider cocks his arm back to slash at her, she drops low. Putting every ounce of body weight and cybernetic strength behind the swing as she can, Ellicent slams the barrel of her gauss canon into the alien's groin. The xenos goes down like a corpse, howling in pain and fury. Before he can rise, Ellicent raises her necronian leg high and slams her foot into his head. Bone and blood spray as her metal heel plunges through his skull. When she lifts her foot again, her heel and sole are both splattered with pulverised brain matter.

A roar at her back catches her attention. She spins just in time to see Gadriel cleave one of his attackers in half with his power sword. Another, he punches in the chest with his free hand. The alien's body explodes as if it'd just been hit with a tank round.

Ellicent watches him with shock on her face. She's seen and fought enough space marines in her time to have overcome the transhuman dread that the sight of them afflicts in mortals. But seeing these things in Gadriel- her Gadriel- it brings that sickly feeling surging right back.

It unsettles her. Throws her off-balance and out-of-focus. It lasts only a second. But in that same second, for reasons unknown, the Dark Eldar skiff steers its sights away from Titus and back to her. And Ellicent realises it too late.

Releasing her gauss canon, she drops to one knee and throws up her robotic arm. She angles it across her head and chest, trying to shield her most vital parts. It's pointless, she knows. Even if she manages to spare her heart or brain, the shredders will just cut the rest of her to ribbons. But it's all Ellicent can think to do. She has to try. She can't just-

An enormous ceramite hand grabs her around the waist and yanks her out of the way.

"Head down!" Gadriel yells. Dropping his sword, he hugs her to his chest with both arms and crouches on one knee. His ceramite screams as the shredders make impact. Ellicent pictures their bladed edges biting through the plate and sawing into the undersuit beneath. Sparks fill through the air. The stench of burning metal is almost sickening. Ellicent squeezes her eyes shut. She shimmies her arms free from where they're pinned against Gadriel's midriff and covers her ears.

Her breath hitches. Her hands; they feel wet and sticky.

Is that...

Reopening her eyes, Ellicent looks at her palms. All over her arms, from her finger tips up to her biceps, she's streaked with human blood. Same as down her front, where she's pressed into Gadriel's torso.

Ellicent's throat tightens.

Gadriel.

She can't see his face from behind his helmet. Its slanted red eyes make it look like he's glaring with rage. But his grip isn't as strong as it had been before, and with every third or fourth shredder that hits, she hears him winces.

The knot in Ellicent's throat winds tighter. "We can't stay here!" she cries. "We've got to move!"

"And go where?" he grunts. The thinness of his voice only confirms what she'd already feared.

"Get me a shot at the skiff. I can take it down."

"You expose yourself like that and you'll be dead in a second."

"I've got to try!"

"Don't you dare."

"If I don't, they'll tear you-"

"I said no, Ellie!" Gadriel shouts.

It's then the shredder suddenly stops again. Still holding onto Ellicent, Gadriel looks over his shoulder.

"What?" she asks.

"Oh Throne," he mutters.

As the curse leaves his mouth, his body lurches forwards and his voice devolves into a pained groan.

"Gadriel?" Ellicent grasps his sides of his helmet with both hands. "Hey! Are you okay?"

Gadriel falls to one knee. Releasing one of his arms from around her to catch himself. Ellicent takes the chance to wrestle free from his grasp. Quickly, she scans him up and down. What she finds makes her stomach drop.

It's an impaler. A two-pronged, ship-mounted harpoon weapon, one the Dark Eldar typically reserve for taking out vehicles or skewering heavy armour. And they've just shot Gadriel with one. Speared him in the back and straight through his right side. Blood pours from both wounds in a torrent. Already, it's made a pool on the floor.

"Oh no..."

Ellicent runs back to him. Grabs his helmet again as if she were cupping his cheeks. "No, no, no, no!"

"Ellie..." His voice cracks like broken glass. It brings tears to Ellicent's eyes. "Listen to me. You... you have to..."

"Shut your mouth," Ellicent growls. Before he can argue with her, she steps away from him. Aiming her gauss canon at the sky, hunting for the skiff. She finds it, but never gets the chance to fire. The raiders are waiting for her. The second she's out of Gadriel's protective shadow, they're on her. Kicking out her legs. Ripping her weapon from her hands. Slamming her face into the floor, then a club into the back of her head. The last thing she sees is Gadriel. Kneeled over, covered in blood, a monstrous alien spear sticking out of his ribs. A scream tears through her throat. The sound is the truest embodiment of fury and grief.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Gadriel dreams of steel and blood. The stench of hot iron. The taste of copper. A haze of blinding light and shredded nerve endings.

He doesn't know where he is, how much time has passed. He doesn't even know if he's still alive.

And what about Titus? What happened to him? And Ellie-

Oh Throne. Ellie...

The haze suddenly dissolves. All at once, his senses return. They do so with startling clarity. The smell of hot iron is replaced by that of dampness and decay. His ears ring with the high-pitched hum of an alien engine. He suddenly remembers he has eyes and gingerly, opens them one by one.

A single, white lamp illuminated the entire space around him. Black metal surrounds him, save for the walls on his left and directly in front of him, which instead are made from thick heavy bars. The air is humid and warm, like the inside of a beast's stomach. The stench is nauseating. Gadriel reaches for his helmet to turn on its filters. Instead of ceramite, however, his fingers brush his bare cheek.

My armour...

He looks at his hands. His gauntlets are gone, too, along with every other piece of ceramite plate he'd been wearing. All that remains is his black undersuit.

They've captured me. The thought sends dread spiking through Gadriel's veins. Very few of the brothers he's met have fought the Dark Eldar, and fewer still have been captured and survived to tell the tale. But those few he does know told him about it. What they said had stayed with him right up to this very day.

I have to get out of here, he thinks. Planting his palms on the floor and pushing himself to his feet. I have to find Ellie and Titus, and get us all-

A spear of agony pierces Gadriel's right side and pained roar rips from his throat. He falls back against the wall, breathing hard and fast. Thick bands of sweat are pouring off his brow.

Tentatively, he touches his side. His finger come back slick with fresh blood.

Gadriel bares his teeth. That's right, he thinks bitterly. I'd almost forgotten.

The fresh blood, however, is deeply concerning. The moment the harpoon had been removed, his larraman cells should have sealed the wound closed tight. Wiping his hands on his thigh, Gadriel presses them to his stomach, chest and left side. Once against, his palms return bloody.

It's not just the spear wound; the cuts and gashes from the shredders haven't sealed either.

Gadriel's vision starts darkening again. His head now pounds in time with his injuries. It could just be his panicked mind playing tricks, but it feels an awful lot like he's about to loose consciousness again.

Shit. Not good. This is not good.

"Gadriel? Is that you?"

His vision suddenly clears. Gadriel looks up, peers through the bar wall separating his cell from the one next door . In the corner closest to the back edge, a shadow moves. Unfurling into the silhouette of a woman, crouching in front of the bars and gripping them with one hand.

"Yes it is," Ellie says quietly. In the low light, her eyes twinkle like a cat's. "It's really you."

With a grimace, Gadriel pushes off from the wall. His hearts are soaring, but in his current state, he can manage is sitting a little straighter. "Ellie! Are you alright? Are you hurt?"

"Just have a sore head. They hit me pretty hard."

"I saw," Gadriel says. He swallows as a surge of acidic bile fills his mouth at the memory. "But you are otherwise unharmed?"

Ellie hesitates for a moment. Her silence is almost confused. "Yes," she eventually replies. "Yeah, I'm okay."

Gadriel sighs in tangible relief. "Thank the Emperor for that."

"What about you?" Ellie asks.

Gadriel grits his teeth in a rueful smile. "I think the bastards might’ve tagged me," he says.

Ellie isn't amused by his poor attempt at humour. "How bad is it?"

"It's not good," he admits.

"Can you move?"

"Probably. The bleeding hasn't stopped, though. Even though it should've."

"It's poison," says Ellie. "Kills larraman cells. They coat their projectiles with it. Meant to make space marines bleed to death."

Gadriel looks at his hands. The pounding in his head grows tenfold. "Well. Isn't that just great..."

"Yup." He hears shuffling as Ellie changes position. Sitting on thefloor now, she rests her left side on the bars separating her cell from his, hugging her knees to her chest.

"Do you have any idea where we are?" Gadriel asks her.

"Oh yeah," Ellie says. "Only the most cursed, ugly pain-ridden ship in this entire system." The dryness in her voice borders on resignation. "Welcome to the Dark Star."

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

If the ending feels a bit abrupt that's because it is lol. I was writing this part, and it just kinda kept going and I realised it was gonna be way WAY too long. So I split it into two :)

Anyway, thank you so much for reading everyone. Part 5 is coming soon <3

Taglist: @solspina @beckyninja @egrets-not-regrets @wolf-feathers12 @jaghatai-khock @lemon-russ @moodymisty @hatsubara-8chan @nereidof40k @yanagikou @fyxestroll @yurihasurunbara @lylakoi @justfreakynothingelse

[nobodysdaydreams]

Accidentally a Long Anon, and not really a question or anything, just waxing on about silly ideas

In my imaginary perfect Wicked, one of the things I’d change (among other stuff) would be to extend the “as long as you’re mine” era (not in a sexy way (personally the canon sexiness doesn’t make sense to me but I’m very ace so maybe that’s why?)) where Elphaba and Fiyero are hanging out together— and they get to kick ASS. They’d be such a wild team together (“together we’ll be the greatest team there’s ever been…” musical motif wistfully in the background) it might give Elphaba an energy boost, and she’s got direct insider knowledge from her new sidekick. And they’d help lots of Animals escape Oz, swashbuckle guards, and they’d realise that they for-reals love each other 🥺 as they gaze into each others eyes, 🥺🥺 which are obviously reflecting the romantic lighting from a huge explosion of an Animal prison or something. 🥺🥺🥺

Actually have a little happy time together where things look up, until the Twister incident happens. I’d give them a montage of badassery before it all goes wrong.

Since they’re not cohabiting at Kiamo Ko castle HQ at this time, (I wish, haha. Wicked witch and her traitorous henchman living in their cartoonishly evil lair, wreaking havoc and dastardly deeds upon the poor wizard 😔 maybe in another life) would they be camping in the woods and hiding out in charitable Animal’s barns and Airbnbs? Windmills and such. Oh oh oh, an abandoned windmill date/song sounds awesome- Fiyero would be climbing all over the moving parts like it’s Tornado Wheel 2. They could climb onto a big outer blade and ascend uuup, into the last sun rays of the day, looking out over the landscape as far as the eye can see, before it rotates them back down, back into evening shadow. (Maybe in a foreshadowing way T_T oh it would be even more foreshadowing if it was just Fiyero on the windmill blade, and Elphaba was up on her broom, staying in the light for a little longer as the wheel rotates Fiyero down and away, grinning up at her. Putting my head in my hands ;_; Hyping her up saying that she can do anything, and he’d do anything for her T___T)

…

I kinda chuckle at the mental image of poor Prince Fiyero, living out in the woods without his fancy shampoo and razor and lotions and monogrammed pyjamas and slippers and satin sheets, and going a bit feral. Getting a bit unkempt. (In a perfect world he’d get an “I work with elphaba now” outfit, and it would slay) Growing his hair?! A love so strong not even a terrible terrible moustache can’t keep them apart :,) Ok maybe not the moustache. 😂 Unrecognisable to everyone except Elphaba and Glinda, maybe save for his eyes. (Glinda would scream, then recognise him, then scream again with renewed horror at what has become of him: he’s become… rugged…) So scruffy he’s compared to a scarecrow. But having the best time of his life.

That’s what’s floating around in my head right now, hopefully you enjoy 😂

I love everything about this anon. If Fiyero and/or Galinda tried to join Elphaba and live on the run in the woods with her, she'd have to stop them from eating poisonous berries. Actually, she'd only have to stop Galinda, but the only reason Fiyero wouldn't need to be stopped is because he already tried to eat the berries as a child and his horse stopped him.

[stagefoureddiediaz]

Ohhhh.

I massively hate myself for putting this out into the universe, but what if Tim talking about a tree falling in relation to Eddie is actually a reference to Abuela dying? 😭😭😭

That this pillar of his life - someone who has supported him and loved him - the matriarch of the family - is going to die and leave him feeling uprooted and lost.

Narratively it would make sense as it can help Eddie and Chris reconnect and also play into the Shannon of it all at the same time - as well as helping build into queer Eddie and buddie!

[kurthummeldeservesbetter]

Sky deserved better

[ruvviks]

toying with the idea of making yancey's friends not real. would that be too evil