#and she did it without hesitation
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This was the most beautiful episode of a series I've seen in ages. I am amazed and absolutely heartbroken 💔💔
I knew my girl was on her way out, but her end was beyond beautiful. Having lived a life that was never your own, nothing you did or said changed what you saw, but your end being your own choice is pure poetry. Everyone else on the road had their power taken or blocked by something outside their control but Lilia's power was painful to the point that she decided to take it away herself. Feeling so powerless that you decide to MAKE yourself actually powerless to avoid any more hurt is such a gut wrenchingly hard decision. But imagine how terrifying spending half of your time unsure of where you are, if things are really happening or if you're just seeing something must have been. And on top of that, all people ever saw you as is a herald of death, or worse, they didn't see you at all. Nobody was there to share her fears and doubts, and neither to share any happiness that could have been. She was her own obstacle and what does she decide to do when clarity and confidence have finally returned to her? The one thing she was never able to do in centuries - save the ones she loves. And she does it by sacrificing herself.
And Death knew her. Rio knew who Lilia was from the start cause she watched her from the shadows. She watched her grow and learn and become a witch and most of all - survive. Keeping their true meeting for when it was time to stop running...
I'm going to cry myself to sleep tonight
And if you want to cry yourself to sleep tonight too (some more), go listen to Patti Lupone singing Stars and imagine it is Lilia...
#agatha all along#agatha all along spoilers#AAA#Agatha Harkness#Kathryn Hahn#Teen#Billy Maximoff#Joe Locke#Jennifer Kale#Sasheer Zamata#Patti Lupone#Lilia Calderu#her whole life#everything that happened#everything she saw#led her to her purpose#to die for a coven of misfits and rulebreakers#for a coven of people as deeply hurt and alone as she was#and she did it without hesitation#marvel you will be paying my therapy bills#and if Patti doesn't win a fucking Emmy I s2g#she acted circles around everyone#rip Lilia my beloved#you were kind and loving and pure#and I will burn down Marvel studios in your name#AND ENDING THE EPISODE WITH TIME IN A BOTTLE???#why didn't Jac Schaeffer just come to my house and punch me in the face#certainly would have hurt less
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despite Laios low self esteem making him think that if he’d been eaten, Chilchuck and Marcille wouldn’t have helped Falin,
theres a small part of me that thinks the reason Chilchuck stayed with the party and went back in the dungeon in the first place was because he didn’t want to leave Laios alone. That Laios was moreso the reason he stayed.
#dungeon meshi#chilaios#OK SORRY. THE DEMONS. I REALLY DID NOT WANT TO LIKE THIS PAIRING. I DIDNT. BUT. HHH. FHFHJFJV. I FEEL CRAZY. LET ME EXPLAIN.#Pre canon it seems Laios is the person Chilchuck is really the closest to#He gets along with Namari and they are probably way better as buddies than he and Laios but#He and Laios seem *closer*#If that makes sense#Laios calls him his first name enough and without any issue or hesitation from Chilchuck#That I sort of inagine its not like. A misunderstanding. Laios is on a first name basis with him for a reason.#He also worries probably more than anyone about Laios#And his biggest criticism of him is that hes “reckless”#he’s comfortable around Laios in a very specific way and so is Laios around him#and in the series he shows many times that he’ll risk his life to protect Laios#Like staying with him to confront the elves because he was worried Laios would say something stupid#Hes the first one to run up to him when Falin punches him#I mean I think he was also going back for Falin like its not like I think he doesn’t care about her or anything#He clearly does#But I don’t know if he’d have gone back if Laios hadn’t#And if Laios had been eaten I think he wouldn’t have even had to be convinced by Falin#I also think Marcille would’ve gone back for him but probably more bc Falin was going back#Like sort of a reversed thing#AGAIN not that I don’t think she cared about Laios at the beginning either#But she before the story she was mostly Falin’s friend who knew Laios through Falin#She only really got to know him when Falin got eaten and they had to do a team building exercise#Though now I sort of want to see an actually reversed scenario#Bc we also know that Chilchuck is sort of uncomfortable around Falin (said in relationship chart)#So I would love to see them be forced into a team building exercise to find a person they both love the way Laios and Marcille were
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I think about the fact Anya locking herself in the infirmary with Curly to kill herself and how it is in way reclaiming a space that was initially hers from Jimmy.
Not to mention how she must've been aware of Jimmy's obsession with Curly and the idea that he would lose his power over the both of them (based on the fact she likely thought they would never get the door open) and having to face the responsibility of two deaths being on his hands as acting captain.
It was her final act of agency stuck on that ship with her abuser and it says something that she chose to die next to Curly, despite his inaction, leaned against him as if they were just in a casual conversation before her death. Despite everything, Anya made the final decision on her own terms and it speaks volumes considering her treatment and demeanor up until that point.
#sadly this did not work but I slso assume that she chose to use all the pills because she did not htink theyd be able to keep curly alive#too much longer without her knowledge and seeing how everyone died almost immediately following her death well...#I think Anya is merciful and would've killed Curly if she did not feel like Jimmy would retaliate as she would understand being at the merc#of someone who only resents you and sees you less than a person now. Like do i think she fully forgave him for not doing much and possibly#crashing the shit? no but i think she can understand his hesitation just a bit better in those final moments#also small headcanon is she knew he likley didn't cause the crash just due to how Jimmy talked of it and Curly being at fault because you c#even tell when Jimmy is avoiding the truth or lying in a lie and he was much to eager to constatnly talk down to Curly rather than wonder#why his closest friend would also do something like that much like Curly was confused and shocked Jimmy actually did it and she died knowin#Curly was at least innocent about that#anya mouthwashing#mouthwashing anya#curly mouthwashing#mouthwashing curly#captain curly#mouthwashing#mouthwashing game#mouthwashing spoilers#suicide tw#tw suicide
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Everyone: We need to find Avatar Kuruk's reincarnation! Hey, that one boy! He kinda looks like him! He even has his smile! He must be the Avatar. Kyoshi: *literal shiny variant of Yangchen roaming the streets of Yokoya*
#she's like yangchen but tan and with freckles and a little bit taller#kyoshi got her melanin from Kuruk and that was it (physical wise that is)#kyoshi looks enough like Jesa (her mom) to the point people bring it up#and then Yangchen also apparently looks a lot like Jesa (according to Kyoshi) just without the freckles?????#like she must've looked so similar that Kyoshi just bypassed the damn freckleless face TT0TT#this brain worm has been worming and it will continue to worm#*crying* kyoshi baby girl I'm SO SORRy everyone is so FUCKING STUPID TT0TT#her mama dumb as hell too why didn't she just drop her off at the air temple???? did she think they would reject Kyo???? IS that is??????#rise of kyoshi#shadow of kyoshi#dawn of yangchen#chronicles of the avatar#legacy of yangchen#yangchen#kuruk#kyoshi#people from Yangchen's era were probs still around! they could've clocked her!#i do wonder about the FoC.......I don't think they ever mentioned Kyo looking like her mom?#It's just never brought up. Maybe they thought it and that's why they hesitated to kill her on the spot? TT0TT
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I really love this moment, right after Lestat has just turned Claudia. Louis moves closer to Claudia and Lestat stops him with a gentle hand on his chest.
And you just know here Lestat is thinking something along the lines of "We do not know this girl. I've never made a child vampire before and don't know what to expect. If she chooses to attack, I need it to be me, Louis, not you."
And then Claudia politely asks for some of Louis' blood and you can see Lestat breathe a sigh of relief.
You can say a lot of shit about Lestat, but one thing, he will do his best to protect Louis from every perceived threat that isn't him if it's the last thing he does.
#there's also that I think Lestat knew that if Claudia did attack he would be better equipped to fight her off and keep her from draining him#And kill her without hesitation if she turned out to be volatile and he felt it necessary#I also love that literally one of the first things Claudia remembers or clocks about Louis and Lestat after being turned#Literally one of her first memories she has as a vampire is of how protective Lestat is of Louis and I love that#lestat#louis#iwtv#interview with the vampire
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Remember that time Katniss shot a woman through the heart so Squad 451 could hide in her apartment?
I want to know what her deal was. Other sections of the Capitol have evacuated, but you're still home. You've done your magenta hair up with gold butterflies and made up your face, even though no one is around to see it. You wear something comfy, since you're alone, a simple turquoise robe with embroidery of exotic birds. You're eating a breakfast sausage that smears your lipstick when you hear a noise in your utility closet. You open the door. To your surprise, the Mockingjay is there, back from the dead and right there in your utility closet. And you're dead.
#hunger games#mockingjay#hg reread#page 314#member when ruthless Katniss killed civilian without hesitation? I member#Capitol#katniss everdeen#who is the man she appears to live with and where was he?#when did he get home to find their closets ransacked and her shot with an arrow?
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Sometimes I get hope for unraveled but then I remember how much of an ick I got from keefe when reading unlocked and get sad again
#I hate the way he talked to fitz#I didnt enjoy his pov at all honestly it seemed to just point out all his flaws without acknowledging that they were flaws#I mean maybe it would get addressed in unraveled idk#it did have good moments I won’t deny#but I don’t like how there was so much praise out of Sophie as if she were perfect#she’s not perfect and that’s okay#it feels like he’s putting an expectation on her#he also seemed really cocky at the part where he was going i fix everything#I know he’s flawed and I love him for it#but reading from his pov didn’t hit for me#some parts I did like was him wanting to focus if the small victories I think that was sweet#it’s not completely bad I’m just dramatic about the cliffhanger on stellarune#but yeahhh#though the way KEEFE talked about fitz pissed me off cuz at that moment fitz seemed to have every good intention#also the way he doesn’t hesitate to announce emotions pisses me off#ugh I have such a love hate relationship with him and THSI series in general#I feel like over time I seem the liek the writing less and less :(#I wanna be 10 picking it up at the library for the first time again#kotlc#keeper of the lost cities#anti keefe sencen
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i will never understand how some people can actively shit on something they know someone loves and finds joy in right in front of them. how can you hate something that makes someone else happy in this absolutely fucked world in front of them.
its the passive aggression for no reason i will never ever understand or do to others. if you have a passion, fucking LIVE it. if nothing else, passion gets us through every shitty day, and i will always support it.
have passion in spite of those who hate.
#its absolutely mind boggling to me#and genuinely makes me so fucjinf upset#i was sitting next to my sister who has been nicer to me than usual as she is talking to her online friend and im doing my nails silently b#its her polish and i didnt wanna take it out of her room. but i look up and shes ranking music genres which is all cool. but without#hesitation as the first one at the most bottom tier she put kpop. like i understand its not her cup of tea but i was like okay thats#something that actively makes me wanna keep living yaknow. and she knows that. so i was like#‘interesting placement for kpop’ and she didnt say anything so i said ‘im not sure youve listened to it enough to have such a violent#opinion on it’ and she immediately got angry saying shes ‘heard enough’ and then got mad at me for saying that saying why was i being ‘like#this what the fuck’ and my heart genuinely sunk into my ass but i couldnt leave even though i felt like crying bc i only did one hand and i#was drying at that moment plus i didn’t wanna make it a big deal. but this is not the first time she’s actively hated on my music without#prompt from me and it just makes me ????? like. music taste differs with everyone i understand this and i respect it. if something brings u#happiness then i would love to hear and listen even if i wouldn’t choose it myself. but being a bitch about it. idk#ultimately its the fact of being mean for no reason over someone else’s passion makes u a fucking asshole#:)))) im not crying bye#ashley rambles#to delete later#my mom and brother do it too btw. hating on it and making sure i hear it.#my mom was doing it the other day and my 7 year old nephew kept saying ‘pook i love it. i think its cool’ and it made me cry because kids#have the capacity for such unaltered kindness as the world has yet been cruel to them#idk man
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I’m just gonna write a little thing! A little thought for Bloom, nothing too intense, just so I don’t forget it!
1000 words later? Whoops
Writing below the cut, major spoilers for the end of Heart of Thorns and implied End of Dragons spoilers but nothing explicit from EoD :]
Bloom
“Kill me, Commander.” Trahearne could hear his own voice tremble, as horror overtook his dear friend’s face. Around them all, their friends— Rytlock, Caithe, Canach, Marjory, Braham— were exhausted. Worn thin by the fight against the jungle dragon, both physical and within the Dream.
“What? No! Mordremoth is dead. We destroyed its mind from the inside.” The commander protested, their fingers curled around the hilt of Caladbolg.
“But I still hear its voice.” Trahearne looked down at his hands, twisted and blighted as they were. His body was not his— he was corrupted. It was only cruel fate that he had kept his mind this long. Or perhaps something more sinister.
“Mordremoth is alive. One last hateful vestige… a terrible seed, planted deep in my mind.”
Trahearne’s hands curled into fist, as he took a deep steadying breath.
“You must kill me, Commander, before that seed grows. Before… before Mordremoth reclaims what it has lost.”
He reached out now, hands on his friend’s shoulders. The tears streaming down their face broke his heart. He did not want this. He didn’t want to hurt them, to see them suffer so.
Trahearne wished there was another way.
“What is left of me can’t survive on its own, my friend.” He croaked, and felt the Commander tremble beneath his hands. Were they always so small?
“Strike now or—“
Against his will, a rage rose up. A sick bile that boiled in his stomach and burned through his chest as his mind lurched.
Through his mouth, Mordremoth spoke.
“I am the future! I am this world! You cannot destroy me!” The dragon roared, hands tightening around the commander.
“Run while you can!” It took everything he had left to force his fingers to uncurl, to release the commander even as the dragon wanted to tear them to shreds to be remade anew.
Caladbolg flashed in the corner of his eye.
“No!” The commander yelled. Strike true my friend! Trahearne wanted to yell. But he couldn’t, and his mind went dark.
There was no great explosion. There was no dying scream.
If you asked those present what happened, none of them gave any concrete answer.
Canach hesitated to answer, but would confirm that Mordremoth was no longer hounding his mind, or any of the sylvari.
All Rytlock would say was that the confrontation wasn’t pretty.
Caithe mourned Trahearne, in her quiet and melancholic manner, and asked not to push the matter further.
Braham would scowl, shake his head, and shove his way past, unwilling or perhaps unable to describe that final blow.
Marjory Delaqua, normally so elegant and clever with her words, who could see the twists of a plot before anyone else— when she was asked, she could only shake her head and reply ‘I don’t know’.
The Commander didn’t answer at all, because no one was able to find them to ask.
Eventually, researchers at the newly established lab of Rata Novus confirmed what the entire world held its breath to hear.
Mordremoth was dead. He had to be, to explain the slow steady trickle of magic escaping the jungle, supposedly as the dragon… decayed wasn’t the right word, but it conveyed the idea well enough. It was a slow death, they said, not quite the explosive reaction from Zhaitan, who had gorged itself on magic before its death, but a gradual decay. It changed things, about magic, about how the people of Tyria and the soon to be established Dragon’s Watch understood the flow of magic around and through the Elder Dragons. But it was dead.
It had to be.
He woke up. His body ached, as it always did, as he woke. A consequence of being too bigsmall. He stirred slowly, limbs stretching out and tail dragging behind. He had buried himself beneath massive vines this time, the weight of them both familiar and restricting. These conflicting sensations, the constant disagreement with himself… it was the only thing he could rely on. Even his name escaped his memory, although he could hear whispers of it on the edges of his mind.
Traherdremaneth.
It didn’t matter, really.
He moved slowly, not truly wanting to rise, but knowing he must.
He was something in between, and there was no stillness for him. No place of his own.
His one companion, if you could call it that, would be upon him soon. A dogged purserer, both a thorn in his side and a trusted ally, trailed behind him. For a time he thought they left him— and the feelings that had wrought left him stationary in a deep cave for nearly a week before they had reappeared.
He didn’t want them close, he knew that much, but they were one of the few things he had, a consistency. He couldn’t see them well, not with the distance between them, but he could always make out the broken blade at their hip. The one that made the scar across his chest ache.
He wondered what would happen if he let them get closer. Would they strike? Would they know him?
They were his enemyfriend. What would they make of him? Caution kept him at a distance from them.
The longer he was awake, the more memories he could half-remember.
The Orrian landscape stretches out before him and it reeks of his sibling, twisting beneath the dirt. The undead don’t notice him, not yet, and he can take a moment to look closer at the coral. It was neither alive nor dead. Not unlike himself and yet so different to him or anything he had ever encountered before.
He missed his siblings, their quiet talks among the then empty roots, among safe coils with their constant presence around him. They were too distant to feel or simply gone now and it unnerved him. This was wrong. Perhaps they could help him make it right.
There was one other thing, other than his sort-of companion and his unsteady roiling mind, that remained constant. And this was the true constant. A steady beacon, that he could not see or hear, but simply felt in a way that he could not describe. A magnetic sort of pull that had him orbiting closer and closer.
It drew him in, out of the depths and dark underbelly of the jungle and the cave systems, towards the strange golden stones, the elegant walls meant to keep out creatures that wished to destroy the beacon. He was not welcome there, not yet, even though he meant no harm. He just needed to be closer.
He didn’t know how he knew that. He just knew it.
#gw2#guild wars 2#batsy writing#bloom my beloved#i should sort out a proper tag for him#the bloom dragon feels too generic but I hesitate to tag it trahearne#even tho technically it is#in a sense#gw2 spoilers#should include that one#im on mobile and i wrote this on google docs in uhhh#two hours? two and half? give or take#tumblr doesnt like my formatting at ALL lmao#i will tag this but with#trahearne#gw2 trahearne#tho bc he does technically appear as himself. briefly#during the painful bit#that dialogue i did go to the wiki for to make sure i remembered it right#so thats. anet dialogue w some batsy flavor for the actions#i tried to keep the commander vague bc i still have no idea who bloom has as a commander#and if ppl wanna imagine their commander w bloom in the meantime then go for it#i used dyraoi for that one drawing but she doesnt fit bloom as well as i hoped#so he continues to just have vague commander shape#which#is a fun challenge#to write without giving too much detail about them#this could be so much longer but i both reached the end of my train of thought and havent decided how i want to handle some stuff#me? rambling in my own tags? more likely than you think#if youve made it this far in the tags hi
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I’m getting worried about things with S. He texted me again last night, and while it was just about music, it still felt wrong. At the very end he said, “you’re the bestest, Cassie” and while that made me extremely happy in the moment, that’s kind of a weird thing to say for a 40 something year old man to say to a 19 year old girl. I’m not looking forward to seeing him tomorrow, to be honest. (Am I overreacting??)
#I showed some of my friends our conversation and they all thought it was weird#I asked them if they would be uncomfortable if they were me and without hesitation they said absolutely#I don’t know what to do and I’m kind of scared#I also told my therapist about it today#she didn’t really give me any solutions other than putting up boundaries which I’ll definitely try#but she did say that what he’s doing is not okay#she was scared that he’d try to hurt me previously but now she thinks he’ll only do something with my permission#not sure if that’s really a whole lot better tbh#male teacher crush#teacher and student#teacher crush#teacher crush community#male teacher x female student#teacher x student#male tc#s#teacher crush blog#tc blog#tc community#tc crush#teacher crush feelings#tcc#tccblr#tcc feelings#tc thoughts
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This just in: I am NOT okay.
#my school president#my school president the series#my school president bl#and you know tinn probably feels closer and more comfortable with her than his own mother too#because he doesn't feel like he can be himself around his mother#he feels as though he has to hide everything#not even just that he likes gun but truly everything that isn't about school or student council#and here is the mother of the love of his life#without discussion or anything#just casually throwing out that of course he's her son#because she knows how much he loves gun and she knows how much gun loves him#and if gun loves him than so does she and he's her son now#there's no question or hesitation#and imagine what that did to tinn#to know that he has at least one mother who sees him and accepts him without pause#who sees him and supports him like it's as easy as the air she breathes#god bless this actual angel of a woman#who also put tinn in an impossible situation but immediately owned up to it and made gun forgive him for it#i'm...yeah i'm not okay#i want to give her a hug#and also tinn a hug#mostly because *i* need a hug after this
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In elementary school, I got picked on for …*checks notes*…
Calling my mom “momma”
Liking Hello Kitty
Watching Yo Gabba Gabba
Liking Dora The Explorer
Picking my nose
Wearing my hair in pigtails
Biting my nails
So in summary, I got bullied for…
….being a seven year old girl.
What the fuck.
#sometimes I wonder if I was overreacting to being bullied as a kid#if maybe some of it was justified at all in the sense that maybe I did deserve it#or that maybe I’m misremembering how it went#and then I remember that I was literally a little girl#I was talking to one of my coworkers a couple days ago and he was saying how much he loves Hello Kitty and#I didn’t even hesitate when I said that I loved her too#and the thing is it felt like my younger self was the one who said that and not me#she got excited to have an aquaintance who wouldn’t tease her for liking Hello Kitty#and she felt safe and excited to say it#and I know it was her because I feel as though I feel an overwhelming sense of embarrassment or shame#that had been bullied into me surrounding Hello Kitty#and other things I got made fun of for as a kid#but the admittance that I loved Hello Kitty for once held no shame or embarrassment#and I can only assume it was my younger self getting excited she could be interested in something without getting made fun of
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the goddamn toast water post just made me utter "history is fucking real" in the most solemn and serious tone of voice, out loud, to myself, in the goddamn bathtub
#life is ridiculous and I'm its biggest clown#in my defense it's not even 9 am and I woke up at 6 for some reason (the reason prob being that I start work at 6 atm)#so I chose (violence) reading Stray Gods fic in bed for a few hours followed by the need to just vibe in the bathtub#I've only just had my coffee and a slice of cold pizza leftover from yesterday and it's such a uni-days thing to do#I've kinda missed it. tho I wasn't drinking coffee back then (how the fuck did I survive mornings without it??)#anyway. feeling very soft and tender abt my past self today. I miss her even if she was just as much of a mess. in different ways#the kind of mess who would openly flirt with some strange dude she didn't really know over the phone#the kind of mess who moved across the country just for a chance at trying with sb she liked who really never wanted to date her#the kind of mess who's always fallen for her best friends and who'll likely never stop#the kind of mess who feel so damn hard for a woman 15 yrs older than her just bc she was kind and sweet and a mess herself#the kind of mess who moved in with a friend she was solidly in love with for a bit who had her boyfriend over most nights#just.. it's not all about those feelings but they're decidedly a big part of why I've ever done anything#and I will prob always miss the friend who'd lie on the train platform with me just giggling into the night as ppl walked past#her head on my stomach and me just feeling so high it felt like I'd never stop floating (just for a while though)#I guess what I'm trying to get at here is that Mi miss just letting my feelings take me places even at the risk of losing it all#I'm so much more hesitant and guarded now. and sure part of it is being medicated for my bipolar. it's good that I don't call strangers#and almost invited them over. or that I no longer walk barefoot through the city at night by myself (usually)#but I do miss just idk. intimacy I guess. and how easily it used to come to me to just try and be open abt wanting it I guess#oh well. best be getting out of the bathtub. it's not a good place to be with these thoughts. and it's too early for this anyway#a day in the life of..
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idk if that poll means viv betrays you or like. solas. he kinda betrays you by wanting to end the world ig
Yes! Yes sorry i tried to say that later in my tags haha, I just mean the whole betrayal thing reminds me of this very intense first impression of Viv, that's all. Whenever I think about the whole "mage betrayal" thing, I think of that just because I knew that my hurt feelings over Anders "betrayal" REALLY colored my choices in that (fairly early) character quest, ya know? And I feel bad haha, like it sucks and I wish she'd just given me more context T_T
#cuz like she doesn't betray you yeah haha she just isn't transparent and i was WORRIED she would#burn me once burn me twice thing ya know ya know#anon#asks#answers#And again I'll say it here so this isn't taken too out of context -#I don't really think anders betrayed you like that's a little dramatic#not you specifically anon haha just the da fandom in general imo#and again the metaphor I think of it as is like#if your friend shoplifts while you're with them but doesn't tell you until after#you'd be mad probably? but I'm not like Against Shoplifting in any meaninful way#i get why anders did what he did#would I make the same choice? I dunno prob not (in this fictional context with this fictional world and people omfg)#and i dont love he involved us without asking#but i dont feel betrayed haha#just hesitant to go shopping for sus shit the next time some nice mage asks me you know??#and again not even cuz like oh all mages shoplift HAHA wait this metaphor is running away with me haha sorry omfg#just like that seems to be a thing the WRITERS like to do haha#like it's a common plot device at this point so I'm JUST!!!#LITTLE SUS right off the bat is all haha#jeez i talk too much take my keyboard away lol
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sometimes I think about The Last and want to scream
#I hate that I love it I hate that it's so out of pocket and uncalled for and downright out of line but SO COMPELLING AND FASCINATING#LIKE THE CHARACTER WORK THAT ONE AUDIO DOES IS INSANE???????#Everyone In This TARDIS (which is missing) Is Suicidal#and I am not even kidding they ARE#C'rizz seeing ghosts. he always sees dead people but this isn't that it's just that he's almost like them but not quite yet#he's always been haunted it just happens more now.#eight's failure and perception thereof he hates himself but still thinks he's the only one who can handle it but he can't handle it#charley who's been on the other end of it who knows what c'rizz has been through and done and who knows what it's like to be asked#STILL asking him to kill her if it comes to it even though she KNOWS it would shatter him bc it already HAS and it already shattered HER#and eight oh eight oh doctor at the end of his rope I am in fact always thinking about the way he says oh what the hell at the end of it#he doesn't care if he lives or dies he's at the end of his rope and has lost all hope he's failed everyone who loves him not only charley#who miraculously still trusts him to some degree even after he broke her into pieces not only charley who he loves#but also c'rizz who did still have that open honest trust in him c'rizz his hesitant beginning to be friend#c'rizz who he understands and who understands him bc the kinship and silent bond between them existed even then#someone remind me to go get my rant on scaredy cat's importance and spruce it up I need to talk about it#because the doctor did love c'rizz too he DID charley was wrong!!! the writers were wrong!!! everyone was wrong about them!!!#he LOVED him but it was so different as to be almost unrecognizable I'm going to CRY#THEY MEANT SO MUCH TO EACH OTHER ALL THREE OF THEM THEY COULDN'T EXIST WITHOUT EACH OTHER ANYMORE#THEY LOST ONE THEN THE OTHER AND NONE OF THEM WAS THE SAME ANYMORE#only in the Last it happened in the wrong order. not the way it was supposed to be.#Lu rambles#dweu#meta finding tag#eighth doctor#charley pollard#c'rizz
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the absolute atrocious characterisation James gets from some of you…wtf. my man used to be a bully and a pompous airhead, yes, but he was also GOOFY and loyal and brave to a fault?? be fair.
#this just in: characters can be three dimensional#just read a fic where he called lily a sl*t and was just…so fucking awful#like no. no did you read canon? he made a fool of himself everytime he saw her#my boy was so head over heels in love he was literally tying his shoelaces together if she so much as#looked at him#not to mention he gave up his life WITHOUT HESITATION#at the age of 21–barely a fucking adult#to save his wife and son. he stood up#to the darkest wizard who ever lived#UNARMED….the fucking bravery. the PURE love…..ughhh#he deserves better takes#james potter
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