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tartarusknight · 6 months ago

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The Hair Falls to Ruin

12,198 total words | read on ao3 | Part 1 | this is part 2

tw: spiraling self-doubt, not feeling like you're enough, of never feeling like someone's favorite person, absent parents, friends who take jokes too far, injury, miscommunication, and quarantine

tags: Steve Harrington Needs a Hug, Hurt/Comfort, Angst, Eventual Happy Ending, Hurt Steve Harrington, Steve Harrington Loves The Party, Steve Harrington Has Self-Esteem Issues, Steve Harrington's King Steve Persona, Steve Harrington is Not Okay, Haircuts

Summary: People pretended to see it. To believe that he was someone new, someone better. But in all of their hearts, he would always be King Steve. The asshole, the jock, the bully, the prep, the douchebag, the idiot… The Hair.

Eddie screamed as the bats pulled him down. His mind was a mess of I didn’t run and I’m going to die and I should’ve ran. But he didn’t have time to fix his mistake. Not as bats pulled his limbs taut and more of them dove in for a feast. He screamed as he felt the teeth sinking into him. But as all felt lost. As Eddie felt everything ending, his savior appeared in a burst of light. Fire erupted a little too close to Eddie making the bats scatter. “Eddie!” The bats had parted enough for Eddie to see him. Steve. He swung his bat like a true warrior, sweat making some of his hair stick to his forehead.

Steve looked frantic and furious. He looked perfect to Eddie. Steve pulled out a can of hair spray and suddenly there was more fire. It made Steve look like a dragon. “I swear to- you better be okay.” Steve snapped as he took the small moment that the fire had given them to reach Eddie. “Just- fucking- hold on, Eds,” He ordered as he pulled Eddie up like he didn’t weigh anything. Eddie let out something between a scream and a cry as he landed on Steve’s shoulder. “Sorry, sorry, sorry,” Steve grunted out and Eddie felt as Steve shook the hairspray and the heat of fire keeping the bats away for another moment.

Eddie was limp, his body a mix of numb and burning. He hoped that Steve hadn’t lit him on fire. The wounds on his gut screamed as Steve took off at a run. Eddie noticed the nail bat on the ground by a smear of blood on the ground like Steve dropped his only weapon to grab Eddie. “I’ve got you, I’ve-” Steve said, his hand going back to Eddie’s body against his.

“Vec-Vecna?” He choked out and for a moment he thought that maybe Steve didn’t hear him but as Steve ran as fast as he could, he heard Steve laugh, a breathless little thing.

“You think the girls needed me?” And yeah, Eddie thought everyone could use a Steve by their side.

Bats that had scattered were regrouping and they swirled like a storm in their direction. Steve must’ve realized they didn’t have the time to get to real shelter because he drops them by the old culvert. He pushed at Eddie, shoving him in and pausing for a single moment before using his own body to block the entrance of the culvert. Blocking the bats from touching Eddie again. He hovered over Eddie with a furrowed brow as the bats tried their best to tear through him. Yet his jaw remained clenched, not a sound to be heard.

Eddie gripped Steve’s jacket and held him in place as he heard the monsters once again getting a taste of Steve. And he didn’t know what to do. What to say. Because in that moment, Eddie realized that Steve was going to die for him. Steve was willing to be eaten alive just to let Eddie last a little bit longer. His eyes stared up at Steve and he wished he could think of the right thing to say. But he couldn’t. He just stayed there, clinging to Steve and breathing the same toxic air as him. And Steve took all the pain with his eyes squeezed shut.

Until like another miracle, like Steve coming wasn’t enough, the bats stopped. Everything grew quiet as Eddie listened to Steve’s harbored breathing. The younger boy looked like he might never be ready to move again and Eddie wished for a moment that Steve had let him die. That Steve had realized that he didn’t need to put his energy into saving him. That he should’ve just left him to suffer this alone. He wished that maybe, just maybe this angel above him had stayed in the clouds, so far from Eddie’s grip. From the hell he’s suffered because of Eddie.

They didn’t move until Dustin’s scream of his name had Steve blinking his eyes open. There were tears so close to falling but Eddie watched the way Steve forced them back. Then, like Steve hadn’t been a chew toy, Steve pulled them both out of their hiding hole. He took Eddie’s arm over his shoulders but Eddie almost pulled back when he felt blood sliding against the leather of his jacket. “Eddie!” Dustin yelled and they turned towards the sound.

Dustin was moving over to them as fast as he could with a new limp. “Dustin,” Steve breathed out, his voice so filled with relief.

looked over at his angel and knew that Steve had come back for Dustin. But he stayed and saved Eddie instead. He didn’t go and look for Dustin even when his younger brother could’ve been suffering the same fate, he stayed with Eddie. And Eddie felt tears welling up in his eyes as Steve lifted an arm that was so covered in blood to pull Dustin into a tight hug. “What happened? Are you alright?” Steve asked, his voice sounding worse than Eddie’s. Dustin wrapped himself around both of them and blood, whose Eddie didn’t know, smeared between the three of them. But they didn’t let go of each other. As the world shook around them the three of them couldn’t stay on their feet. Eddie felt a white burst of pain before he lost consciousness. The last thing he hears is Dustin’s frantic voice saying his name.

~~~~~~

Eddie wasn’t sure how it would go when he woke up in the hospital. He expected handcuffs and threats of jail. Instead, he woke up in the hospital bed next to Steve’s. The door shut tight but not to trap him until he was well enough for jail, but to keep him quarantined until they knew the bats wouldn’t have any side effects. Instead, he wakes and Steve’s sitting up with his arms crossed even though one of his arms is completely covered in bandages. Steve glances over when Eddie lets out a groan and his face twists into a grin, like Eddie’s company was a good thing.

“Hey, man,” Steve grins and Eddie shifts, wincing at the brush of his legs against the blankets.

“Fancy seeing you here,” Eddie tries to joke but his voice comes out quiet and more like a groan. Steve’s brow furrows and he’s trying to get out of his own bed before Eddie can figure out why. Steve’s hands shake as he picks up a cup from Eddie’s side table and the IV is pulled tight before it’s pulled from his skin. “Steve,” Eddie tries but Steve just glares and holds the cup up to his lips. Eddie’s face grows hot as he lets Steve help him take a few sips. Holding his head up with one hand and the cup with the other.

There’s a knock and Steve looks over to see a window that Eddie hadn’t noticed before. A buzz grows through the room and a man’s tired voice is heard. “Please stay in your bed.” He says and Steve rolls his eyes and he sets the cup down.

“If I can get up-”

There’s a sigh into the speaker, “that doesn’t mean you should, Steve.”

Steve huffs and looks at Eddie like he’s saying, can you believe this man. “Alright Owens,” he says and brushes his hand over Eddie’s before moving back to his bed. Eddie watches him and hears the groan he makes as he settles down. “No fun,” Steve says when he’s finally comfortable and Eddie doesn’t point out that Steve’s breathing harshly just from the small movement.

“You’re insane,” Eddie mutters and Steve looks over at him with a weird smile.

“Yeah, well you had us all worried. Passing out on me and Dustin,” he states and Eddie blinks. “Don’t worry, I got us out of there and to the hospital.” And Eddie might be a little fuzzy from the drugs pumping through his system but he’s sure that Steve was in worse shape than he was. “The girls were angry that we ditched them for like a second before they found out what happened. But don’t worry it was more at me than anything. You know, for fucking up the plan by leaving them and heading back.” He says and almost sounds guilty about it.

Eddie huffs, “Well, I’m happy about it, at least.”

That makes Steve smile and Eddie’s happy to see it. But then someone in a hazmat suit is pushing their way in and Steve’s smile is completely gone. “Alright, are you ready to be violated?” Steve says and Eddie’s nose scrunches but he quickly understands as they push right into Eddie’s space. Checking him over in a thorough scan, moving him to make it easier on themselves like he was more of a doll than a person. They’re testing things too fast for him to understand but he does his best to not complain. Not when Steve’s staying quiet. Not when Steve’s being braver and tolerant of what’s happening to them.

Eddie’s so uncomfortable that he almost misses the voice coming back over the speaker. But he focuses as the voice, Owens, begins to explain what happened. About El coming to save the day. About the gates that tore Hawkins apart but are no longer connected to the Upside Down. That they won but barely.

Eddie just watches Steve. He watches the way he winces as people are touching his bandages and putting his IV back in. He listens but he focuses on Steve. On his angel that’s held down when he should be able to fly away and be the beautiful creature he was meant to be. Instead, the angel’s been tainted by the sins of the world. But he knows that as long as he keeps his angel by his side, he’ll be okay.

~~~~~~

The healing process is slower than Eddie thought it would be. But the best part is that Steve’s as bored as he is. Eddie had been worried that Steve would grow annoyed towards him the longer it was just the two of them stuck together. Yet Steve seemed to only want more of Eddie. Anytime Eddie trailed off, unsure if Steve would want to know the in-depth knowledge Eddie had of the Shire, Steve would urge him to continue. Always ready to tell Eddie to keep talking. And when Steve seems confused, Eddie’s happy to take the time to explain it better. It’s not like they have much else to do.

Although they are given a deck of cards and a couple of books after a while. Eddie’s never been one for cards, his Dad used to play with his buddies and Eddie never really wanted to learn after that. But he found himself being taught a few games anyways. Steve showed him how to play and when Eddie wanted to read, Steve would quietly play Solitaire. It was a nice comfort. To talk for hours on end with Steve but also to find ease in the silence between them. Eddie’s never good with silences but next to Steve, they feel safe.

Even when that silence was broken by doctors or Steve groaning if he’d lost. But Eddie would lock eyes with Steve and roll his eyes, making Steve grin even as a doctor was a little too harsh against his healing wounds. They’d endure the doctors who were more government types like Owens, the ones who looked at them like specimens than patients. They’d endure the invasive questions and uncomfortable tests to prove they were still human. After all, they endured the bats.

And after another time of someone touching Eddie without any care, they were alone again. Steve was shuffling his cards while Eddie tried to focus on his book. But as he couldn’t relax in his bed, he put down his book and glanced over at Steve. “Why do you like solitaire anyways?” He asked because what else was there to talk about in this boring lab.

Steve glanced over before he frowned down at the cards. “It’s something I could do that wasn’t- it’s a solo game.” Eddie sees the way Steve sidesteps his own thoughts for the answer and wants to know more. But then Steve’s smiling over at him, “do you know how to play?”

He looked at the younger teen and for a moment just stared. “Teach me?” He asks instead anything too pushy. Steve’s smile is warm as he moves to sit next to Eddie on the small hospital bed.

“I’m not the best teacher,” Steve warns but Eddie doesn’t believe that.

“Yeah, yeah, mister captain of the sports ball.”

That has Steve’s face twisting up in a slight annoyance, “Basketball.” But Eddie waves it off, gesturing to Steve to show him how to start. “Fine okay, here,” he starts to show Eddie how to set it up before he leans back as if to give him space. Like he was just giving up his source of entertainment to Eddie. It made Eddie wonder how often Steve does something like that.

“No way man, your gonna have to help me with this.” He states and Steve looks at him, almost confused. “I’m not an intelligent high school graduate like you.” He teases before looking down at the cards, still a little lost. “Gonna need your big brain to help me.” Steve laughs and it’s like he couldn’t possibly believe him, but he moves to help Eddie all the same.

~~~~~~

Eddie and Steve were playing war when the doors opened without a warning. No voice over the microphone telling them to separate so they can continue their testing. Instead, it was a group of people Eddie had been scared he’d never see again. “Eddie!” Dustin shouts and the party rushes in. The boys flock around him, Nancy looking over their shoulders at Eddie. Their room is filled and Eddie looks at Steve whose being strangled by Robin’s tight hug. No one is being considerate about personal space and Eddie doesn’t mind one bit. Although Steve seems to have a little more of a boundary as no one but Robin really touches him.

“I was starting to believe Robin’s vampire theory!” Dustin basically shouts as the boys are rushing to tell him everything they missed. And Eddie had missed them so goddamn much. He glances over at Steve who’s been let go of by Robin, curled on himself as he listens to Robin, Joyce, and was that Hopper?

“And everyone’s been working on the cabin for Hop,” Lucas was saying at the same time Mike was saying something about roller skates and broken noses. Eddie felt overwhelmed and from being with only Steve and the few doctors, it was quickly becoming too much.

“Hey!” Steve shouted and Eddie’s eyes had to land on him. “One at a time assholes,” He states and the younger teens roll their eyes.

“Whatever,” Mike huffs but Eddie can see the slight smile on his face. “Your just angry because you’ve been stuck in here for almost 2 months now.”

Steve rolls his eyes, “What, you wouldn’t be?”

Eddie hides his smile, “okay, okay, you’re both pretty, stop arguing. I want to know why the fuck Chief Hopper’s standing there alive.”

That has the kids going loud again but at least they all seem to be telling the same story. The only kids who weren’t talking over each other seemed to be the two Eddie didn’t really know. One William Byers and who must be Eleven. He glances over at them, in curiosity. Especially as El sits down on the bed next to Steve. Steve smiles over at the girl and murmurs something too quiet for Eddie to understand. It makes the girl smile and Eddie’s heartbeat picks up a little.

Steve’s gaze goes to him at the sound of the heart monitor giving himself away. Eddie internally curses the stupid thing. His only saving grace had to be the fact that Steve hadn’t figured out why Eddie’s heart would randomly start beating harder. He would always just silently ask Eddie if he was okay, with a concerned look on his face. Eddie rolled his eyes and smiled back.

However, he let his attention go back to the kids when he hears what sounds like Russian prison. “Wait hold up,” he tries to make them slow down but Dustin shushes him and Mike is back to explaining what happened as if he was there himself. Eddie huffs and sends Dustin a small glare. But the longer he looks at Dustin, he can see the concern and worry all over his face. Staring at Eddie like he was going to black out on them at any minute. Eddie’s heartbreaks and he knows he’ll spend the next little while making it up to the kid.

~~~~~~

Eddie hadn’t really expected to be let out of that room. But after almost half a year, he and Steve were released. Eddie had cheered but his sore body kept him from running around like a dog let off their leash for the first time. Steve was smiling but he wasn’t nearly as crazed as Eddie felt. Instead walking out with a strong stride that Eddie doesn’t understand. His face was paler in the sun now that Eddie looked and his hair was limp. But he walked like he was the same man who dove into Lover’s Lake looking for the gate.

Eddie could see Steve’s face with the blue sky as the backdrop and knew that he wasn’t the same. He looked like an angel being tied to the earth for too long. Aging and losing some of that etherealness that Eddie had witnessed. But one piece of Steve that hadn’t really lost it’s shine, was that smile. The one he’d give Eddie at random moments during the day. Moments like when Eddie would go on a ramble, or when they’d play cards. Moments when they could just be.

Steve’s smile grew then and there when he spotted the people there to pick them up. Robin and Nancy were the ones who offered to pick them up, but Eddie saw Dustin in the back of Nancy’s station wagon. No doubt pushing his way into coming with. Robin moved over to grab at Steve while Dustin was soon at Eddie’s side. Eddie threw his arm around the kid, careful not to pull on his stiches. Dustin was practically glowing as Eddie ruffled the kids hair.

“Wait- you’re driving?” Steve asked as Robin dangled the keys in front of him.

Robin looked smug, “Nancy taught me.” She grinned, “I figured someone would have to drive all the shitheads around without you there to be suckered into it.” Eddie huffed a laugh at the two before he slid in the back with Dustin. Nancy was in the passenger seat meaning Steve got in the back, pushing Eddie to the middle seat.

Eddie glanced at Steve and noticed the slight tension in Steve’s shoulders. “Right, like you can be suckered in anything. I thought you didn’t even want to get your license?” He huffed and Nancy laughed.

Nancy turned to look back at them as Robin started off. “I bothered her into it.” She looked over at Robin, “plus like I said, if you don’t want to get a car and drive all the time you don’t have to. It’s just good to have.”

Steve shifted, bumping into Eddie slightly. “Right, well, I’ll still be there to give you a ride when you don’t want to drive.” He promises and it’s said like a joke but Eddie knows him better than to see it as anything less than the truth.

Robin grinned, “I don’t know buddy. I’m kind of enjoying the life behind the wheel. Plus, Nancy doesn’t get nearly as mad at me for doing my makeup as she drives.”

Dustin moves to look at Steve around Eddie, “seems like Nancy took your spot Steve.” He teases and Eddie snorts at the idea of Nancy ever replacing Steve. Like anyone would choose someone over Steve.

“And in a few months Will and I will get our permits. Max, Lucas, and Mike already got theirs.” Dustin points out, making the girls laugh. But Eddie can’t stop the small frown on his face. It felt like they missed so much. He glances at Steve in the corner of his gaze but Steve just laughs it off. As if their time away didn’t make things harder.

“Yeah, yeah, whatever. I’ll save all my money not having to cart your lazy asses around town.” And while everyone else laughs, Eddie can feel Steve’s tense muscles against his side.

Steve becomes a little quiet after that. The other three just kept on talking and Eddie felt like the small group he had joined had left him behind at some point. It makes his chest fall and he sinks down in his seat. His mind goes to moments where he’s been left behind in the past. His mom, dad, all of his friends that graduated in the years he failed. “Eddie, Will’s been DMing for us now that he’s back! But we all made sure that the bard class was left open for you.” Dustin starts and Eddie blinks over to him.

“You want me to play?” And his voice sounds off to his own ears.

Dustin rolls his eyes, “I know that you normally dm. But we figured you still enjoy playing, right?” Dustin asks, but it’s less of a question, more of a demand. It makes Eddie smile, knowing that the kids still care about him. They still wanted him around.

“So, Keith quit Family Video and because 90% of the other employees were you and me, I became the manager. So don’t worry about your job. I kept it open for you. Although both Max and Dustin also work there now.” Robin starts and Eddie glances over at Steve who smiles. Eddie knew that after so much time being only allowed around Eddie, Steve must love being around Robin again. Eddie wondered though, if maybe Steve’s gonna miss being at his side every moment of the day like Eddie will.

~~~~~~

When they were in that room together, Eddie found Steve different than before. The man was quiet but he always pushed Eddie to speak. He would laugh and joke with Eddie, acting more like a kid than he would when with the actual kids. Now, back in the real world, Steve was back to being who he was before. Back to hands on his hips and annoyed sighs. But the biggest change came when they were over at the Wheeler’s and suddenly Steve would be leaving.

The first time it happened, Eddie noticed the second Steve stood. How could he not? Eddie’s brain felt like it was attuned to Steve. So, the first time Steve stood to leave, Eddie followed. “Steve, hey, where you going man?” Eddie asked and Steve froze like he was caught.

His smile wasn’t like the one Eddie was used to. No, this was the one Steve would give the doctors. He runs a hand through that gorgeous hair. “I just remembered something I had to do.” Steve shrugged and Eddie wished he understood all the small quirks that made up Steve.

Eddie nodded slowly, “don’t want to stay for the end of the movie?” He tried it and Steve stared at him. The eyes cut into him and made Eddie feel cut open.

Steve slowly shook his head, “I’ve already seen this one.”

It felt like an excuse and Eddie hated it. “Well, what are you doing? Do you want some company?” He tried before swallowing back his need to be by the younger man.

Steve smiled softly towards him, “Stay here Eds. They said they wanted to roll a character with you.”

Eddie understood then and there. Steve didn’t want him around. Steve didn’t want to be there. Eddie took a step back, feeling off balance. “Right, yeah. Have fun with- ya know-” he gestured at nothing and Steve gave him another smile. But then Steve was heading out the door and Eddie was making a beeline to the Wheeler’s bathroom.

Eddie had thought that he and Steve were becoming good friends. He thought that maybe there was someone who liked to listen to his nonstop talking. But the dismissal was clear as day. It made him wonder if all that time together, if it meant nothing to Steve. Steve was Eddie’s angel but Steve didn’t want to be tied to him any longer. Eddie had been weighing him down for long enough.

That’s why the next time Steve slipped out of the Wheeler’s basement; Eddie didn’t move. He curled around his knees and rested his head on them. He glanced around at the kids who were still so sucked into the movie and wished he hadn’t noticed either. Because if Eddie hadn’t noticed, he wouldn’t have this sinking feeling in his chest that was slowly overwhelming him. Because if Eddie hadn’t noticed he wouldn’t be tempted to go after Steve.

And if Eddie hadn’t been tempted, he wouldn’t have made a fool out of himself the third time. Steve had moved out of the room with practiced ease at this point and Eddie only lasted a minute before he was following. “Steve!” He called, tumbling out the front door of the Wheelers after Steve. The younger boy’s shoulder’s slumped in defeat at Eddie’s voice. The small movement reminded Eddie so much of his dad, that he took a step back. An apology at the tip of his tongue.

Steve didn’t look at him, “I just gotta go,” he sighed. Eddie wanted to apologize and question Steve, but he was frozen. Frozen from the sigh.

A sigh from his elementary school teacher who grew tired of Eddie’s questions. A sigh from his study partner who couldn’t stand the way Eddie hummed under his breath as he studied. A sigh from Eddie’s friend who grew tired of Eddie’s rambles about his favorite things. A sigh from his mom when Eddie got sick for the 3rd time in a year. A sigh from his dad who just simply grew tired of being around Eddie.

Eddie wondered what Steve grew tired of.

The air between them was stale and Eddie had thought that their time in that goddamn room would’ve mattered but instead, he was just alone. Steve had been willing to risk his life for Eddie but now, now out of danger, Steve was finished with dealing with Eddie. As Steve slipped into the Beamer, Eddie’s shoulders dropped. “Night,” he called before heading back inside. He didn’t ask Steve to stay. He didn’t even try this time. He slipped onto the ground by the door and waited. He waited for however long it was until Steve pulled out of the driveway. Then Eddie gathered his own shit and left. He couldn’t handle the sinking feeling in his chest. So, he just went home too.

~~~~~~

Steve hadn’t known what to do when he woke up to the wreckage of the night before. With his mom hovering by his side and his dad pulling shit out of the pool like he was trying to save it. Some of it probably could have been saved but Steve couldn’t ever touch it again. He just couldn’t. However, the biggest difference in everything was the way they looked at him, as if there was something they hadn’t noticed until now. Like they finally saw him in a different light than the kid they had to force to get a shitty job scooping ice cream.

“Why don’t we go to the city, get you something new to wear?” His mom offers, her thin fingers wrapping around his upper arm.

His dad shakes his head, “we have to head out to Montauk soon.” And his parents lock eyes for a moment before his dad is looking at him. “Come with us this time.” He states and Steve thinks the last time his dad had invited him on one of his business trips was before Steve showed that he’d never be smart enough to work for him. “Take a break from this goddamn town. Better yet just get out of here. Choose one of our other houses and start anew. You don’t have to be anything to anyone. You can just be you.” His dad offers and Steve blinks at them.

“This town is killing you,” his mom whispers and her fingers trail over the scars he had gotten from the bats.

Steve looked away from them, “I can’t leave.”

But his mom gently shifted his head to look him in the eye, “yes you can.” She said it like she understood why he didn’t want to go. Like she knew of all the horrors he’s faced. But as her hands, soft from years of being pampered, lingered on the scaring around his throat, he felt like maybe she did know. That maybe she had always known what was so hard about leaving a town as fucked up as Hawkins.

“My job,” his voice was weak to his own ears. An excuse that neither of them believed. An excuse that didn’t even work anymore. He could just ask Robin to keep it for him like she had done before.

Her stance showed years of being determined enough to make it in this fucked up world. She didn’t back down, she never did. “You don’t even enjoy watching movies.” She says and it’s true. Steve had never been able to sit still long enough to actually focus on a movie all the way through. He was always either getting up and missing something that made the movie confusing or zoning out and losing track of the plot anyways. “I’m sure we can find you a job you’d like. Maybe Malorie needs another hand at the salon?” She states and Steve feels the old swell of love for his mom that he wasn’t used to anymore.

Then she led them up to his room, one hand on his shoulder and one hand resting on his scarred forearm. He followed her and it was easy. So easy to sit on the end of his bed as she pulled out a bag and began to pack. “We’ll go for a week or two. Shop, get our hair done. Whatever we want,” She assured and he wanted to argue but he also didn’t. He wanted it if he was honest to himself. He wanted to leave Hawkins and let himself enjoy the world for a little while. And if he was really honest with himself, he didn’t want to return. “You know, I was thinking of going blond, maybe you could do another color?” She offered but he didn’t answer, too lost in his thoughts.

She finished packing a small bag before she crouched down in front of him. Her hands cupped his face, “Steven, I just think you could use a break. A small one if you can’t handle anything big.” Her words were so soft against his face. “Say you’ll go on a trip with me. Say that you’ll let me help you find yourself. Not who others what you to be, but yourself.” She took a shaky inhale. “I know that we haven’t been good parents. I know we pushed you to be who we wanted you to be. But none of that really matters. We want you to be successful and the biggest success in life is living happily. I’m going to do everything in my power to make you happy.” She says and it feels like she sees his ruins. That she’s come to them not to see the destruction but to help him rebuild it to what it could be.

“Promise me that you’ll let me help you.” Steve looks at her, at the woman he always thought he failed. The woman who always made sure everything looked perfectly in her image. The woman who had sighed when he told her that Nancy broke up with him. The woman who stopped cleaning his cuts. The woman who never came back when he was in the hospital for another Upside Down related injury. The woman that didn’t question where he had gone when the lab had kept him and Eddie for months. The woman who at the end of it all, was his mom. His mom who was holding him at this moment. And Steve wanted to be held.

So, he pushed all the thoughts about the Upside Down. About the kids radioing him for a ride. About his job with Robin. About movie nights and d&d. About Eddie and his big brown eyes. Instead, he focused on his mom’s steady hands and he did something he hadn’t done in a long time. He put himself first. “I want to go with you.” He whispered and watched a smile grow on her face. “I want to leave this town.” His voice broke and his mom seemed to understand what he wasn’t saying. She shifted up and pressed a kiss to his forehead. Leaving the rest unsaid. The monsters. The kids. The responsibility. The fact that Steve didn’t want to come back.

She didn’t make him say anything else as she pulled him to his feet. “Then, we get the first flight out of here.” She promises and Steve’s hands feel weak as he holds onto her. But then they go to the car. She slides in behind the wheel of the Beamer and then… they’re gone.

~~~~~~

Eddie sat up with a shout, feeling his heart beating much too fast. He curled in on himself more, feeling the way his scars pulled taut from the movement. But he did his best to breathe, to tell himself that the bats hadn’t killed him. That he, Steve, and Dustin had all made it out. Eddie might have passed out but Steve had saved them. Steve had driven him to the hospital and they had survived. They stayed at the hospital where Eddie had been handcuffed to the bed but Steve’s bed had been right next to his. Steve had made him feel better even as the town tried to string him up for something he didn’t do.

He moved and reached for his walkie, only to stop when he saw the time. It was just after 4 in the morning. Far too early and far too late for Steve to be awake. And that was even if Steve wanted to deal with him at the moment. Eddie collapsed back into bed and thought of all the times he’d woken Steve up just from a nightmare. That even after Steve saved his life, Eddie didn’t stop bothering him. Maybe that’s why Steve hated him now. Maybe Eddie had asked for too much. Maybe it was waking up from screaming while Steve had been sleeping just fine in the bed across from him.

At that moment he wished that he was like Steve. He wished that he didn’t wake up screaming with the need to radio the others. That he could feel comfortable in his skin and could move on like nothing had happened. Steve still flirted with girls like the scars covering his body weren’t there. Steve still laughed and had a life without the party. He still had other things to do other than hide in the Wheeler’s basement for shitty movie nights. He still would smirk at them and leave early for a date or some other cool guy shit. Not Eddie. Never Eddie. Eddie hid his scars under layers of clothes. Eddie took every opportunity to be with the others because they were the only ones who didn’t look at him like he was a murderer. Eddie had nightmares that kept him up and gave him bruises under his eyes. He was so far from okay it was laughable. But Steve, Steve was just an immovable force. Taking all the hits like they were nothing. Smiling like nothing had happened.

Nancy had told Eddie about the first time it all happened. How Steve had been terrified, how he had screamed at her but then it was like a flip was switched. How, from one minute to the next, Steve accepted it and just moved onto helping them. That Steve had just picked up the bat and saved her and Jonathan’s life that night. Then, just like magic, Steve hadn’t ever really brought it up again. He laughed with Nancy, talked about the future with her. He would try to get her out of the house and keep conversation light. He never stumbled.

Nancy had hated it. He had moved on but she couldn't. She couldn’t forget that those monsters killed her friend. She couldn’t forget the sight of the monster. Nancy was terrified but Steve hadn’t seemed bothered by it after that first night. No matter how many times Nancy tried to push, tried to get him to react, he’d just smile at her. He’d listen but she never saw her own fears, her own devastation reflected in him. He just acted like it was easy to move on.

Eddie kind of hated that too. That Steve was still the person he always was. He didn’t have things to lose. Not like Nancy lost her best friend. Not how Eddie saw a girl die in his living room and he was forced to remember that every time he walked through the trailer. Steve could just go do what jocks do after they graduate. He didn’t have the whole town giving him dirty looks. He didn’t have that bone deep exhaustion from it all. Not like the rest of them did. But it was also kind of nice. He could go to Steve when he needed a reminder that it would be okay. That made one day he’d be just who he wanted to be. Because Steve had to be the person he wanted to be. He wore what he wanted even when they teased him about it. He still took pride in his appearance by styling his hair to perfection all day every day.

But Eddie doesn’t really want to be like Steve. No. That would be easier. No, he just wants to be liked by Steve. He wants Steve to stay around during movie nights. He wants Steve to join d&d with them. He wants to make Steve a character and help him with getting the hang of playing. He wanted Steve by his side instead of half out the door. He wants and wants and wants. Still, he does his best to ignore those wants. He goes on with his day and unsurprisingly ends up at the Wheelers. They all- well no- not all of them, everyone but Steve is lying in the room with a movie ready to be played.

And maybe it was the dream still lingering in the back of his mind. Maybe it was just who he now was. But he finds himself clearing his throat, “has anyone talked to Steve? Made sure he remembered it was today?”

Robin looked over at him from where she sat next to Nancy, “I haven’t. He wasn’t at work today.” She says and a few of them stop. Eddie’s not sure that he’s ever seen Steve miss a day off of work. Not after he thanked Robin for keeping his job even after all that time. He went every day like he had to make up for it.

“Maybe he got a migraine,” Max offers but Eddie still doesn’t like it. Even if it was a migraine, he shouldn’t be alone for it.

They all stayed still for a moment before Eddie’s reaching for the walkie and Robin’s standing, heading for the phone. Dustin beats Eddie to the walkie and begins to call out for their friend. As Robin dials the number they all have memorized. It rings only twice before Robin’s face twists. “Hi, sir. It’s Robin Buckley, is Steve there?” She questions and Eddie doesn’t hesitate to get too close to listen to the conversation.

“- is gone. He left this morning with his mom. He’ll be out of town for a while.” What had to be Steve’s dad, said and Eddie’s eyebrows furrowed.

“Oh- um, I wasn’t- how long- he didn’t tell me-” She starts but is cut off.

“Tell me, are you one of the people Steven was hanging out with last night?” The man’s voice is harsh and Eddie wonders how someone like that could ever have a son so perfect.

Robin locks eyes with Eddie, looking as confused as he felt. “Uh-”

The man interrupts her again before she can figure out what’s going on, “be confident in your words. Don’t hesitate to answer a simple question, it makes you seem pitiful. You’ll never get anywhere in life if you act all nervous.”

Robin’s eyes go wide. “I’m sorry- I uh- yes I was with Steve.”

There’s a sigh through the phone and it sounds so much like Steve’s bitchy tone. “Perfect. I would like you to pass on a message to anyone else that had been there.” He clears his throat and the kids are now beginning to try and figure out what’s going as well. “None of you deserve my son and I hope he decides not to return. I hope my wife convinces him to move away from this hellhole and from people like you. People who take someone for granted. Well, my son is worth more than all of you put together.” And the phone clicks, signaling that Steve’s dad was done with them.

“What did they say?” Nancy questions as they all stare at Eddie and Robin.

Robin looks closed to tears as Dustin demands to know what was happening.

@genderedsteveharrington @counting-dollars-counting-stars (both of you rebloged so I figured I'd tag ya)

#tw selfhate #tw self destruction #angst #hurt/comfort #hurt steve harrington #steve needs a hug #steve harrington's relationship with his parents is complicated #hurt eddie munson #steve harrington #steddie #eddie munson #they've got matching scars!#knightly talks #stranger things

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