#and saves energy—and it can do more!
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BRIDGERTON 1.01 | "Diamond of the First Water"
#bridgertonedit#tvedit#perioddramaedit#dailybridgerton#eloise bridgerton#violet bridgerton#daphne bridgerton#mine#scheduling sets now bc i can't help but start making more than one a day#but good news is now i can watch the fallout show with my parents so maybe i can start giffing that too and save all my giffing energy#for when s3a drops. still going to try to do a pen in every ep series in the lead up though#but that's pretty straightforward
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after two years i finally draw the favorite
#my art#still learning honestly. idk how to explain it but some medias youre so fixated on and obsessed with u instantly want to draw everyone#for me dunmeshi has always been the opposite. series and characters i enjoy sm i cannot bring myself to pick up a pencil#for some reason. it got a lot worse once the anime started airing idk. simply forcing myself to get some of my energy out. in a way#dunmeshi#dungeon meshi#thistle#dunmeshi thistle#thistle dungeon meshi#delicious in dungeon#>_< series i was into since late 2021. yet u wouldnt know that unless u follow my side twitter account. sowwy ig#i do this with a lot of franchises honestly. cannot bring myself to draw even if i think abt the characters constantly. ie skip to loafer#u will nvr catch me calling this guy sissel sorry. save that name for Mr. Ghost Trick. another thing i. also. dnt talk abt. which i adore#i need to get better at talking abt and expressing myself for the things that i enjoy. ive been wanting to draw laios for a good#while too but im scared. for some reason. u-u should nvr let a white man do that to me honestly.#for now i'll thistle tho. maybe we will get kabru namari or mithrun next from me >_< i have to talk myself into it#i think the closest way i can explain why i cannot bring myself to draw for some series is that i dnt want to mess up somehow#like 'ilu so much [character] what if i cnt draw u the way u deserve even tho i love u sm what if its not enough.' <- leaves it to sm1 else#tbh [scratches head] i prefer the version with less coloring ^-^ but i realize the one thats more colored would get more eyes on it... hm
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need soapghost in public putting on a show, soap in ghost’s lap just worshipping his mask, kissing the teeth and licking along the cheekbones while ghost reclines back, one arm wrapped around soap’s waist as he makes direct eye contact with anyone who dares to look at them
#this is like a sister post to my one of soap respecting the mask#are they in a pub? the rec room? who knows just somewhere ghost can show soap off#can show everyone how hot he is and how untouchable he is purely through his devotion to ghost#no matter how much they crave soap they could never pull his attention away from ghost#even if he can only have the mask for the night its more than he can ask for#and hes more than happy to prove his appreciation#has anyone seen that jude law gif of the guy in his lap and he palms his dick as he kisses his neck?#very much that energy#just pure ownership with soap happily being a possession#coming out of my cage and ive been doing just fine.txt#soapghost#ghostsoap#simon ghost riley#ghost cod#john soap mactavish#soap cod#ghoap#we’re a team. ghost team#save post
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plot twist: Ruby is the Master under chameleon arch
#I DON'T CARE IF I'M WRONG#(i know i'm wrong)#but the POTENTIAL#the UNHINGED ENERGY#(the reason why she hasn't gotten the most development this season)#the reason why there is no record of human parents#listen the master ALWAYS comes under disguise in new who#sometimes even to themself#can you IMAGINE the potential?#rtd would never do it the coward but imagine having the whole season arc be this#and it could tie in with the tv show theory because the master has ALWAYS been right under the doctor's nose#ruby sunday#the master#fifteenth doctor#the legend of ruby sunday#the master having ACTUALLY gotten to be the doctor's companion#also all the weird snow and stuff was them both tapping into a telepathic connection#c'mon thoscheis work with me#thoschei#c'mon i just want an ACTUAL plot twist to save this season for me more than just “random villain from the '70s wants to kill earth”#ALSO establishes parallels between ruby and the doctor even more#meta#doctor who
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fear and hunger? more like - kiss and hug her <3 I just wanted to draw olivia and abella about to enter the smooch zone :,)
#kickdraw#fear and hunger#abella fear and hunger#olivia fear and hunger#i still can't decide if i like abella with karin or olivia - but also why not just have 2 girlfriends?#i still need to play through more of the game without playing olivia so i can get more of her dialogue....#i also need to save mr chef more but... abella is so cool... its so hard to let her go :'(#i think... abella's head is a little too small... but i am out of energy to do corrections for this daily doodle attempt lol#i thought of kiss and hug her when posting that and can't stop laughing - im going to say this 600 times#my bf just gave me the worst look when i told him im crying laughig
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"you always beat the level before me, but i had fun anyways!"
AU/prediction for S5. MK goes beserk in his kaiju form and mei shows him a drawing he made of him and mei back in S1 MK runs to mei to knock her out but he stops just a few feet in front of her when he sees what she's holding.
more AU since i don't think this will happen but there's always a chance!
#i just think it'd be sweet but also would make me cry really hard#knowing uhh LMK it's probably more 10 kings of the underworld focused than MK himself#but you can't just give us the bigass kaiju form capable of fighting off the literal god of the universe and do nothing else with it#mei deserves to save MK after he showed compassion to her in the moments she hurt the most#he showed her love now she must show him love#you can tell im normal about these two as friends. ohhh my god soulmates but in platonic besties way#shaking hands having something inside of them that is capable of wild amounts of energy#therapy also. send them both to therapy they need it#lego monkie kid#lmk#lmk MK#lmk MK kaiju#lmk mei#lego monkie kid MK#lego monkie kid mei#lego monkie kid fanart#lego monkie kid MK fanart#my art#bobasalt
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Some mild existential dread in the house today
#im just feeling reeeeally really drained#works taking a LOT out of me#like. it feels less intense day to day? or maybe im reacting less? but its still very much piling up#and im just feeling very...idk. like im still waiting for permission to live my life#except now the permission osnt coming from any one person its. having the money to docit#and the time and the energy#and i guess thats just what adult life is? waiting#and hoping#and along the way losing sight of what i even wanted in the first place because im so *tired*#idk. i definitely need a project of some kind but im struggling to settle on something and then organise it#i have stuff to do today anyway. alfie had a lil bit of emergency cash saved so i need to go shopping#and i need to tidy the kitchen and do some dishes#and have a bath and shave at some point#i also want to draw but again. struggling ti pick something and idk if ill have the executive function spare#AND i want to try and be more social and talk to folks but thats its own kind of difficult#part of me would like a disc server that just has all of my friends in it bc i find it easier to dip in and out of conversarions#but i imagine that would be weird for folks who dont know each other#idk. lot goin through my mind when all i really want is sleep#which also hasnt been...greeeeat lately#mainly because Alfie wakes me up in the mornings bc they dont like being alone but also have a very different sleep schedule to me#and can take multiple smaller naps over a day whereas i really need a solid 8 or so hours or i just. dont fully switch on#but theyre also struggling atm (mentally and also they got an injury at work AND seperately broke their foot ffs)#so they need me more and its just#this never ending cycle of SOMETHING needs my attention#and its fucking exhausting asfghfkd#but!!! we keep goin!!!!! been applying for a bunch of jobs and havent heard anything positive yet but. we keep tryin huh
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#i have like. a few hours left to do this. more if i let myself work on it on sunday#i have already drawn the bonus image version#but if i use the tee for one of the costumes that's actually required for class it *might* save a bit of time/creative energy lol#if you don't get the context check the post i reblogged before this lol#my costume history homework is designing costumes for two predecided characters (i picked ham and oph) in like 12 different time periods#and ever since we got into the latter half of the 20th century it's been a bit tougher to plan#because like. I absolutely hate when modern shakespeare adaptations put every character whose involved in politics in a business suit#but for the last few time periods (now decades basically) I thought I had to do it and then I was like 'wait no that's dumb'#so now i am just ignoring that aspect of the plot. he spent a nonzero amount of time on the run with pirates he can wear a t-shirt
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a daily occurrence
me:
my brain:
me:
my brain: y'know we could always-
me: NO MORE STARDEW FARMS FOR THE LOVE OF CROPS
#artsy's post#artsy's tea#stardew valley#do i have a soul-wrenching crush on abigail yes i do no u can't have her#i married her before i even realised i like girls or that girls can like girls#same energy as when i was five and apparently told my parents i wanted to marry a beautiful woman when i grew up lol#married harvey and deleted the save file the next day. think that was my brain trying to tell me something -v-#does anyone else get this urge tho?? listening to the soundtrack rn and going 'oooooh i could play again'#WHILE MY MAIN COMPUTER HAS DIVORCED ME#(aka smoked from its fans and was stuck at 0% with the charger in and now doesn't turn on with any charger)#like. pls. no more ;-;#also my fav season is winter. like. am i gonna have cozied up with abi by then??? bc i love my silly goth wife and 2 game yrs take forever#artsy's computer chronicles :(
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i desperately need ksu to change their system for domestic competitions
#ranking is so unnecessary#at least dont make it compulsory#like i get it for skaters that otherwise dont get to compete a lot#but surely the world silver medalist can stay on the national team without competing here#also haein yelim and seoyeong just competed last week at nhk why cant they rest now#and the juniors who are going to jgpf next week#shouldnt they be saving their energy#for the arguably more important international competition#ksu im in your walls#why do feds hate their own skaters#figure skating#fs season 2023/24#si talks about figure skating
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the thing i really want to do is make cool graphic tees. like rn if i had to pick a "job" it would be, design cool graphic tees. i'm a t-shirt girlie (gn). i love a t-shirt. i'll put anything on a t-shirt.
#signs i should get back into the process of opening a shop#like i've determined already that my english degree? yea don't wanna work in any fields specific to that bc Deadlines and Stress#and my adhd brain just can't deal. and it also makes me hate writing and zaps me of energy for hobby / personal writing#like not sound like such a zillennial but. i need a more passive way of making money bc i am Not cut out for traditional jobs#my body can't handle in-person jobs (either sitting or standing for long periods of time)#and my adhd brain can't handle the stress of deadline from remote work and having to keep myself on track#also my remote work has basically bumped me down to freelance at this point and it's super inconsistent assignments so like.#literally not making a living wage rn which like. i'm very fortunate to live with family and have minimal expenses#but still. it's not something i can keep up long-term#any time i have to buy something i'm literally just eating my savings so. need to do Something#also. universal basic income when tho
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i would rather live with ana for the rest of my life than binge like this ever again
#rending.txt#i dont know how to stop binging i was doing so well yesterday and then for no reason it fell apart#i just want to stop#i have so much to do today but i just dont want to do anything im so depressed#im just going to lay in bed and eat all day and think up ways to die#i already know my chosen method i just cant be bothered right now so maybe later#i just want to keep sleeping#i called in sick to work today because i was so so tired and i slept i think nearly 12 hours which isnt bad#i wanna go on a walk and work out and stuff but i just. cant right now. i need to work on my job presentation but i just cant#i just want to keep eating and go back to sleep and then wake up and end it#but i just need to make it to therapy tomorrow and maybe itll get better? who knows#i dont even have the energy to walk up to tesco to get blades or more food so im laying im bed eating dry granola like a pathetic pig#i dont wanna talk to anyone but my boyfriend but hes asleep and i dont want to vent to him anymore because it makes me feel guilty#and it doesnt help to vent to him anymore so i just make him sad for no reason and i dont know how to vent to anyone else#i havent changed my bedsheets in weeks and theres so much trash on my floor you can barely walk in my room and i havent showered in a week#i just dont have the heart to cry anymore i just want it to stop#i did everything i was supposed to so i could prevent binges and it didnt work at all so i think im beyond saving lol
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Imagine if the remaining Khaenri'ahns, due to the influence of the curse or affliction of Abyssal energy they've been exposed to are able to see like. Warped visions of their old comrades/people via the leylines or in domains from first glance, where it would take others direct exposure or even special abilities to even begin to see them-
#☆ ┆ ( .ooc. );#//Kae as a kid seeing like. Spectres hanging around a domain and being creeped out#//Meanwhile bby!Luc is nonethewiser and happily tromping on over to pat the door of the domain to Prove he ain't scared of NOTHIN#//Kae trying not to scream and pull Luc away as he unknowingly makes the spectres part around him (bc his Vision) on his way#//Kae finally breaking through his terror and rushing forward to wrench Luc away when the spectres start acting weird and crowding him#//Cringing as he can almost feel them touching his head; whispering abt his role as Khaenri'ahs last hope while Luc yells at him#//Kae; older now; going to that same domain & being almost greeted by Them as he heads inside to investigate just What was going on there#//Getting a NASTY slew of Visions and torments bc he was WHOLLY unprepared for what they were tryna show him#//Dainsleif being Haunted by all the spectres in the Chasm; seeing shadowy figures everywhere he looks/walks#//Stalking him; whispering to him; calling his name; his title; begging for mercy; to be Saved; when he can scarcely do so for himself#//Bc that Abyssal device drained the HELL out of him; and with it amplifying the energy afflicting him; he can almost make out the faces#//Of each and every shadowy spectre coming at/near him. Can almost SEE the tormented faces of the Husks as they Challenge him#//Of HIS comrades; HIS people; hearing their dying; agonized screams through the agony of the Abyss's corruption#//The more affliction with Abyss energy; the clearer yet more Gruesome the images get#//As if it was always TEMPTATION in order to get the person to corrupt themselves more with it all along#//Baiting the person with things they can be intrigued by; be Desperate enough to seek out; feel GUILTY of and try to 'save them'#//Only to end up Ruined themselves when they fall far too deep into its clutches-#//Eh; idk where I was going with this lmao#//An attempt at horror plottings perhaps#//I do miss being able to fully; tho got a lil practice running Boo.thill hcs
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Hey as a super introverted but not shy person I'd just like to say the jokes about extroverts "adopting" introverts to "get them out of their shell" are actually completely unfunny and it just goes to show how little respect a lot of y'all have for the fact that we genuinely don't want excessive social interaction and that y'all are forcing us to do something that brings us extreme physical and mental discomfort because you perceive our introversion as a failing rather than as purely a difference in personality.
We don't need your "help" to socialize. We're not children. We're simply not interested in spending every waking second of our lives talking to people and being talked at in return.
#again i scream from the rooftops that there is a monumental chasm between being shy and actually being an introvert#a shy person is someone who's afraid of social interaction. an extrovert can be naturally shy.#a shy person can WANT lots of social interaction but simply have not learned to feel comfortable in social situations.#people who are just very introverted simply have little desire or capacity for excessive human interaction.#we're not “afraid” of it. we just don't enjoy it and it wears us out.#you don't need to swoop in and save us because we can't handle ourselves. we're perfectly fine thank you#extroverts are constantly demanding that we get out of our comfort zones but few of you are willing to make the alternative more comfortabl#if you're a very extroverted person please do not take it upon yourself to jokingly “adopt” introverts you meet.#it's not funny and it's not helpful. it's irritating that you perceive our quietness and low social battery as something that needs “fixing#we won't miraculously learn to love and be comfortable with excessive human interaction. that's not how we're wired and that's OKAY#i'm honestly getting so sick of the “the lonely introvert and the extrovert who adopted them” memes#i can guarantee you that if you are an extrovert who operates this way then your introvert “friend” is actually probably very uncomfortable#and just don't want to say anything because they think it would be rude to bring up the fact that they don't want what you want from them#this does NOT mean extroverts and introverts cannot be friends nor am i saying all extroverts are annoying or that they all do this#i'm simply saying that if you are very extroverted and you have a friend who's very introverted#then it's on you to be aware of your introvert friend's limited social battery and STOP pressuring them to just “put up with it”#don't spend every second with them constantly talking. be willing to spend some time just in the quiet.#be willing to let them bow out of something if they're exhausted and are low on social energy.#don't expect them to want to come to every meeting or party or get-together because it WILL drain them completely.#be willing to let them spend time alone when they need to to recharge.#letting an introvert cool off and recharge when they need to is ALWAYS going to make social situations less stressful for them.#PLEAAAAASE take their feelings into account and understand that they do NOT perceive social interactions the way you do.#most very introverted people do not find socialization relaxing or invigorating. they don't do it to unwind#they have to unwind AFTER lots of social interaction#that's about it. thank you and good night
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the living room air unit is like “oh you set me to 65? Let me cool the room down to 70 and then shut off.”
meanwhile the bedroom air unit is like “ah you want a nice 68 for comfortable sleep? On it boss, I’ll cool us down to 54 for ya, how does that feel?”
#literally not an exaggeration#I can live with the living room one because like. larger space with more windows#it’s harder to cool down. and it shutting off while above temperature means it’s saving energy#plus i know to just. program it to a couple degrees below what temp I actually want#the bedroom is a NIGHTMARE#it won’t turn on at all if you set it above 68#it’ll let the bedroom warm up to about 80#and then BLAST COLD AIR until it is 50#turn off until it warms up to whatever you set#then blast to 50 again#this is NOT ENERGY EFFIICENT#and also not comfortable. why do you do this
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One thing that becomes clearer and clearer every time I dare to dip back into The Empire of Preys, is that it's a story for... almost nobody.
(beware: I express a ton of feelings regarding the series under the cut, not all of them positive --and I talk a little bit about my current relationship to the Mass Effect fandom)
Don't get me wrong: I adore it, I am still extremely puzzled at how my brain even began to conceive a story like that, and the first chapter is a complete banger in my honest opinion, and the characters are uncomfortable in a very interesting way, and the worldbuilding is extremely dense with things I hope are meaningful, but.
It's also... pretty hostile to readership? By that I mean: I don't think it can be read passively. A big part of reading TEoP is, first, to understand how systems function normally; and then, understand how these systems interact altogether, how they can be abused, how they are actually abused, and what chain of events these systems will lead to. I am really proud of this interconnectivity --at the same time, it is incredibly dense and demand work. For all the fun and games I can try to inject in there, there are basic principles that can't skip being understood well for the plot to make sense; it's a politically driven story in the dryest possible way --with disaster bisexuals and fashionistas sprinkled on top to lush it up a little, but at heart it is a story about systems interconnecting from the bottom to the top, and it's a tangled mess in there.
So it's... If I'm being honest, and in spite of my genuine love of it, I have to admit it is a little hard to dedicate myself to pushing it further to the degree of polish that it needs. Not to say I won't do it --I will-- but it's impossible not to notice how *barren* the Mass Effect community has gotten in the last couple of years, this year being particularly bad. The readership was barely there anymore when Halfway Home got out, and I'm like... who's even left in there to read 200k worth of words of salarian/turian/asari politics in excruciating detail? Who's even interested in peeling up that toxic system of governance and how soft imperialism manifests in that universe? I still am, because I am invested in that version of Mass Effect and the characters I have put together in that context. But who else?
Of course, there's always this thing of "don't write for an audience, write for yourself", and I'm an absolute follower of that mentality. However.
However.
(oops here comes a condensed version of that Halfway Home post-mortem I promised six months agoooo)
Halfway Home was *hard work*. It's work I decided to go through on my own, and I knew from the start it wouldn't reach that large of an audience --on virtue of being stupid long, about an OC (and a salarian at that, who cares), and having a trigger warning list longer than most people would find reasonable. I am happy that I did the work, and that I chewed the text over until I was absolutely sick of it --but it was basically the best version of what 7 years worth of change and growth and experimentations could get to before absolute burnout. And I am even happy about the readership! I had wonderful comments and I am truly honored that some people invested in that story to the degree they did, and I am fully aware that stories that take much more work get even less attention on the daily. But I would lie to say that I kind of felt... drained, when I saw that I had, indeed, taken too much time to complete it, and the fandom was basically dried up when I finally released it. Watching seven years of my life disappear down the Ao3 drain felt... Well, I won't lie. It felt kind of bad. It felt kind of like grief.
At the end of the day, it is true that nobody ever cares more about your story than yourself --and again, I am neither fishing for attention nor am I really complaining, even. It is a difficult story to sell and to read through, and I always knew the readership would be extraordinarily slim (and it did find it, and I am beyond uwwuuuuwuwu about it, truly ;;). I knew all of that going in. But I also won't lie that fandom timing was... horrendous --and it is even worse today. The fact that I have *barely* seen a hint of speculation on my dash from the latest N7 trailer does kind of say something as well. Sometimes, things come and go. And I suppose that's okay.
But what of The Empire of Preys? What of my deep care for the characters? What of my (I think, understandable) reluctance about jumping in to the next installments, knowing *for sure* that I'll be lucky if I graze 500 hits on Ao3? And that's me being beyond generous, honestly? I wish I didn't care about that, but I guess I do, a little. I also think it's understandable, wanting to work on things and see an impact from whatever you do --even if it comes from love and care. I'm glad I got to do it once, but do I want my literal masterpiece (I know the wording is strong, but I genuinely think TEoP is the best thing I ever did, counting my professional work that will be experienced by a *much* larger audience, and I have zero ideas how I could top it off conceptually given it felt like everything was being served to me in a trance-like state) being sandwiched between futanari porn and a story about a... certain main pairing being plastered absolutely everywhere and tending to suck all the oxygen in the room. No hate to either concept in particular, I actually like the coexistence of everything, it's part of what's cool about fanfiction! But, also. Also.
I suppose it is the curse of having a brain that works best creatively in the context of fandom --and daring to believe in the importance and necessity of creativity for its own sake, without monetary gain. But also, the very human entitlement thing of... not wanting to pour all of its life energy into a black hole.
It's complicated. I do not have a good answer as of now, at least regarding TEoP. I will keep on working passively on it as of now, once in a while, rediscovering it's genuinely really good from time to time and then moving away from it somewhat, until next time. I'm still doing Zelda stuff as of now, which... has been way more rewarding creatively, not gonna lie. It's a fandom full of lifeblood, with ideas bouncing around, people wanting to meet up, boundless creativity. I have written a micro-trilogy this year (it's here if that interests you), and, while in the same ballpark of attention than Halfway Home, it was undeniably more rewarding. I think I also needed to change mediums --I am currently experimenting with animatics, visual storytelling and extremely humble 2D animations, and I'm having a blast.
So... Yeah. I am fairly certain I will complete The Empire of Preys, because I love it deeply and I want to complete it, for its own sake if anything. But in regards to a timeframe... I'm not promising anything. It will happen. Not sure when! I'm following where creativity feels the more urgent at the moment.
But one day, this is a story that will exist, at the very least, and I think I'll love it deeply as well no matter how it's received. But I think I need a little bit of a positive feedback loop right about now, and so to work on projects that like... will be read. Or watched. Or played. Or experienced. And I'm not positive The Empire of Preys will be that for me, at least right now.
#personal#the empire of preys#teop#halfway home#mass effect#gorgeous art#writing#fanfiction#salarians#salarian#salarian oc#halfway there#zelda#kind of a downeeer I'm sorry#I kind of wanted to be the insufferable person going “yes after 7 years of work I can tell you it was all worth it believe in yourself”#you know like the shitty version of ted talks speaker energy?#and yes! I do think that! I don't regret that or working on that story or anything of the sort!#it was absolutely essential in my life and it did literally save me more than once!#and I love the characters! all of the things!#but I also don't want to be a hyprocrite and pretend I'm above sunk cost/investment return dynamics#*even* while knowing ahead of time#I think I worked on halfway home for too long if I'm being honest#I'm glad it got to that point quality-wise#I don't think I would have been happy doing less#but it was still too long and I burned myself out#I don't think I would have cared about it if I had worked on it a little less#but here I relied on the finish line too much to motivate me#and I think it was a mistake#though tbh it's hard to balance this stuff out
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