#and sadly i'm a human that craves attention

[circus-blades]

the way i come back to posting here everytime twitter starts acting up

[balkanradfem]

The christian side of tumblr found a post where I made a little joke about how religion puts women into servitude and it's going around gathering bible quotes and arguing whether this is about christianity or other religions x_x I never thought this day would come.. I didn't think christians were on here. And even though the majority of people arguing are christians, I never wrote down 'christianity', I meant all abrahamic religions.

I'm itching to go argue but I know deep in my heart there is nothing to be gained. These people are eager to mock and personally attack whoever is disagreeing with them and that is not a honest intellectual discussion that I crave. I think if you're religious you just have to avoid thinking things like 'why is that so' and 'isn't that awfully convenient' and 'what if this promised thing fails to materialize' because once you start having those thoughts, the entire thing falls apart.

I remember being 15 and realizing that the christian god has no actual use of us, no point in caring about us whatsoever, and no incentive to pay attention to what we do or don't do, but humans very much have a need to believe in the higher power that works to their personal advantage, and that there's someone 'up there' who will make things alright for them, that they have a higher purpose and that if they follow certain rules it will pay out. And this was enough for me to figure out that god didn't create humans, but humans created god, because humans have a need of a god, while god has no need or use for humans at all.

It was only later when I learned about feminism that I realized it wasn't only that, but that it was specifically made to control, exploit and oppress women, praising them for endless servitude, sacrifice, submission and platitude, all while consistently telling them they're filled with sin and never good enough. It's now ghoulish and bizarre to me that the symbol of their faith is a m*n being brutally tortured, that what we feel is holy is endless suffering and pain and death. We're told to aspire for that. That has nothing to do with spirituality, nothing to do with human nature or healthy and happy human lives. It's a worship of death.

There are promises that religious people make towards women, to make them believe it's a path towards true love, or endless rewards for being 'faithful' and 'pure' or a life where they feel safe from disasters, safe from being abandoned and betrayed. There's nothing in life that can guarantee that. Religion can however, offer certain people a community, it can provide services where you come and listen to stories, and stories come with morals (convenient and confusing morals, but people love engaging with moral-type stories and feeling they've learned something), it provides rituals and celebrations that cultures have integrated in their life (after it destroyed the original rituals and celebrations, but we don't talk about that), and it can provide a common ground of understanding for people (sadly the common ground is that women exist to serve and that this is natural). Sometimes it also provides a feeling of superiority for some people, enabling them to mock, humiliate and patronize others for their 'lack of religion'.

So I understand there are community related reasons a person might feel safer within a religion and having this common ground and community, common beliefs, familiarity and stories, rituals and celebrations, it doesn't come off as a horrible thing, especially when the majority of the culture does it. But other things it brings are painful for women, and often hidden. Encouraging hidden suffering, sacrifice, servitude, centering torture and death, and admiration of torture and death, instead of celebrating nature, life, the world we live in and how we interact with it. Centering males as creators when everyone alive was created by women. Dismissing wars, rape, terrorism, weapons of mass destruction, genocides and male brutality, while endlessly shaming women for having feelings and not doing a good enough job pleasing the violent males. And generally making a hell for women when they have any thoughts about sexuality or lust.

I know me writing about it here will not have any effect on people personally attacking me for being ignorant and uneducated, but it feels good to write down the thoughts I've been having all day! Being forbidden from thinking in certain direction, forbidden from questioning my own beliefs, is something that plagued me for a big part of my life, and I will not have it anymore. I can say 'this is awfully convenient' when religions declare that m*n are leaders and women are supposed to follow and serve. I can say that putting up statues of a m*n dying in torture is fucked up and morbid. I can say that making me believe that I would go to hell, for not following every order I've been given, is a horrid thing to do to a female child. And I'm happy and grateful that I can think and say whatever I want, without any threat of damnation ever looming over me.

[honeytraits]

Searching for Love!

Modeste Ward: A Bachelorette Challenge

Born and raised in Del Sol Valley to Judith Ward and a presumed one-night stand, Modeste has been in the limelight from birth, following in her mother's footsteps as an actress.

You'll often find her strolling the streets of the Valley or enjoying San Myshuno, cameras and crowds in tow.

Modeste has a talent for embracing her fame, though it's a double-edged sword. Sims fainting? Probably near Modeste. Teens clamoring for autographs? That's Modeste. A famous baseball player caught in a steamy exchange with a Ward in her car? Definitely not Modeste.

In relationships, Modeste seeks kindness but hasn't always been treated well. A hopeless romantic, she craves attention from anyone, regardless of how they treat her.

Entry Guidelines: All Genders are welcomed, we welcome all races, etc! Be diverse! Go semi-crazy with your sims lore! Must be Young Adult/Adult sims! Humans only sadly :C I own all packs! If you have any CC, please add them in tray files or however its done, i'm not quite sure.. but make sure its maxis match! No romantic trait, everyone is looking for romance here! At least one negative trait! Add hobbies, likes & dislikes, or sim characteristics This is all for good fun and I thought this would be a great way for people to show off their sims! If you have any questions, please feel free to ask! One outfit per category, please! When entering, when you pose your entry, please use the tag: #modestebachelorette or just tag me!

Contestants: 1. Cole Bautista (@simsinfinitylt) 2. Pixie O'Grady (@invisiblequeen) 3. Cassie King (@deathclawfaggot) 4. Harper Levine (@changingplumbob) 5. Skye Robin Langley (@daedriyth) 6. Plearnpichaya Petchsutee (@dridsimsheart) 7.

No deadline, I'm accepting entries until I get 7 sims! Send me a private dm so you can be slotted! First come, first serve!

Meet Modeste Ward she/her | twenty-three Pansexual

High Maintenance Snob Materialistic

likes - money, duh - ballet concerts - retail therapy - extravagant parties - expensive getaways - physical touch

dislikes - cold weather - dogs - spicy foods - her mother Judith (sometimes) - rude people

Fun Facts

Modeste knows ballet but its a hidden talent of hers She loves spoiling/being spoiled people that are close to her she wants to be a ballet dancer instead of a fashion model she's somewhat of a people pleaser to her mother and other celebrity friends she has.

….she has some mommy issues

Modeste is looking for her Miss/Mister right, will you be them?

[alastor-simp]

How Do They Apologize To You When They Make You Upset/Mad Part 1/3- Azul Ashengrotto

You were waiting inside Mostro Lounge, hoping one of the twins would bring your meal, as you have been craving for Jades mushroom soup. You swear to yourself that you would never eat mushrooms ever in your life, but Jade was changing that as his cooking skills were amazing."Koebi-chan~." Turning around, you saw Floyd running at you with his arms wide open; ready to give you a giant squeeze that you didn't mind too much as you loved getting hugged. Floyds arms wrapped around you in a tightly as he placed his chin on your head: "Hehe~, so happy to see you Koebi-chan~. I see you here almost everyday, did you miss me and my brother that much~? "Haha, Hi Floyd. Well, I cam because I'm addicted to your brother's cooking." You muffled against Floyds chest. "Aww. So you didn't want to see us?", Floyd said sadly as you felt his arms loosen. "No Floyd. I'm always happy to see you, Jade, and Azul-senpai. Also, you know I enjoy hugs, and you give the best ones." You moved your head to look up at Floyd, smiling with pink cheeks. Floyd gave you his famous sharp teeth smile, and hugged you tighter to his chest; rubbing his cheek against the top your head like a cat: "Awww.. Koebi-chan is so kawaii~. If you ever want a hug from me, don't hesitate to ask~."

"Hehe, Floyd, I know how much you love to hug Y/N, but they can't eat with you squeezing them." A voice said behind you both. Peeking your head from Floyd's chest, you saw Jade smiling, with your meal. "Hi Jade." "Good afternoon Y/N, Here is your order of mushroom soup. Enjoy.", Jade then placed the bowl down on the table and gave you a bow like a proper gentleman. Floyd released you from his hug, and left to go do some work, not before ruffling your hair with his hand. Jade, however, stayed to tell you something: "Oh I had forgotten to tell you, Azul wants to have a private discussion with you." Confused, you asked Jade why, but Jade didn't know as Azul only said that to him and no more. Shrugging, you thanked Jade for telling you and proceeded to eat your soup with a smile, as Jade gave you a smile back and left you alone to enjoy your meal. After finishing your meal, you headed to Azul's office, and knocked on the door. You heard an enter and made your way inside. Azul was seated at his desk, and looked up from his work, and spotted you: "Ah, Y/N, I take it Jade mentioned to you that I wanted to discuss something with you." Nodding, you made your way closer to his desk, and sat down on one of the chairs: "What do you want to talk to me about?" Azul smiled and leaned back on his chair, placing hands together on his lap. "It has come to my attention that you have been coming to the lounge a lot lately." You looked at Azul with a shy smile: "Yes I have. You can thank Jade's cooking for that." Azul chuckled and gave you a business smile. "Yes well, I assume you are here for another reason." Tilting your head, you looked at Azul, confused. Smirking, Azul said: "You're here for a deal, aren't you." Shocked, you shook your head at Azul saying that wasn't true. "I'm surprised at the lengths you would go to make a deal, but I'm not surprised as humans tend to be blinded by their own greed or envy, including you." Azul moved his hand to open a drawer from his desk, pulling out a golden rolled paper and quill, and placing them on his desk "What do you say? Would you like to make a deal?", Azul said as he leaned back against his chair. Casting your eyes down, you were in utter disbelief that Azul would assume that of you. "I refuse.", as you pushed the contract away "Don't lie to me Y/N. The twins mentioned you asking for me whenever you come to the lounge. Don't be shy. Tell me what you want?" Azul said. "ENOUGH!", You slammed your hands on the desk, knocking the quill to the floor, and shocking Azul as he jumped up in his chair. "THE REASON I COME TO THE LOUNGE IS BECAUSE I ENJOY THE FOOD HERE, AND THE LEECH BROTHERS ARE MY FRIENDS. I ASK FOR YOU TO SEE HOW YOU ARE DOING AND NOT TO OVERWORK YOURSELF. BECAUSE I CARE ABOUT YOU! Once you finished yelling, you turned around and ran from his office, leaving behind a stunned Azul.

[anangelwhodidntfall]

Hey could you do maybe like pregnant poly like Ariel’s gets pregnant and they take care of her and then the reader gets pregnant

The Greatest Gifts: Poly!Eric & Ariel x Hybrid!Reader

You and Eric couldn't believe it when Ariel told you two that she was pregnant, you three were so excited and couldn't wait to meet your future son/daughter. For the past three months, you two had taken care of her making sure that she didn't strain herself and just focused on making sure her and the baby were happy and healthy. If she had a craving, one of you two always got it no matter how ridiculous, back or feet hurting, you two were there attending to her every need, and don't get her started on when you two spoke to the baby, she swore it was the cutest thing, she saw. 

You had gone out to the ocean to give her father an update on how she was doing with the pregnancy since you were still able to get in the water and into the kingdom. You were returning to shore when you saw Eric standing there in a white button smiling as you came to shore, you had to admit that ever since Ariel had gotten pregnant seeing him as father made you realize that you wanted to have a kid too. 

"To what do I owe the pleasure of having you greet me at the shore?" You asked him as you walked on land.

"I was missing you, my love, I've been spending so much time with Ariel lately, that I've been neglecting my favorite hybrid." He said kissing you. 

"I've missed you too my love, but I know Ariel is our main focus right now but I won't complain if you wanna show me a little attention." You said as you kissed him.

Soon enough the gifts that King Triton had given to give to Ariel for the baby, were soon forgotten as you two were tangled up in each other in the sand. You two lay there catching your breaths when Eric noticed your far-off start meaning something was on your mind. 

"What's going on in that pretty head of yours?" He asked looking at you. 

"Seeing you this past month with Ariel and our kid has made me realize how much I want to have a kid with you, but given my nature, I don't think it would be possible." You said sadly as Eric's heart broke hearing how sad you sounded. 

"Hey hey look at me, you would be a wonderful mother, and no matter if our child turns out to be a human, mermaid, or hybrid like its mother, it would be the greatest gift ever. I know I didn't plan on Ariel getting pregnant so soon but I am willing to keep trying to see if it's possible as well for us, if you are." He said squeezing your hand. 

"I would like that a lot. I love you Eric." You said placing a kiss on his lips. 

"I love you, my little mermaid." He said smiling at you.

It was nearly three weeks later, Ariel was finally showing, and by goodness did she have this beautiful glow about her. You three were currently eating breakfast and talking about your plans for that day when you felt yourself getting sick. 

"Y/N!" Ariel called out seeing you dart for the nearest trash can. 

You were puking your brains out when you felt Eric grab your hair and rub your back, as you finished puking. One of the maids handed you a napkin to wipe your mouth as you stood back up and suddenly felt lightheaded. 

"Here take a seat my y/n." Eric said helping you into a chair.

"Can one of you go get the doctor please and thank you?" Eric asked one of the maids. 

He sat with you making sure you ate some crackers and drank some water while they waited for the doctor to come, and stepped out to check on Ariel who was looking at you concerned. 

"I need about twenty minutes to do some tests on her." The doctor said as Eric nodded his head leading Ariel to the dining table.

"Y/n what is it?" They both asked as you walked back into the dining room. 

"I'm...I'm pregnant." You said in disbelief as your two lovers looked at you. 

"You are? That's amazing! How far along are you?" Ariel asked wrapping her arms around you. 

"The doctor suspected maybe 4-6 weeks, which means our babies will be born almost four months apart." You smiled at her. 

"This is so wonderful!" She said smiling at you as Eric walked over. 

"She's right this is such amazing news, sweetheart, I'm happy right now." He said wrapping his arms around you and spinning you around.

"Eric!" You said giggling as he put you down. 

"I'm sorry and just so you know if they are human, mermaid, or hybrid like you we will love them unconditionally." He said smiling at you. 

[pseudowho]

Just want to let you know, there's some salty rhetoric going on the grape vine about you rn. It's nothing major and I'm sure you already have some idea of it but it's just to say that your readers love you and your work and people getting silly like they own a thing is not classy and I don't want you to feel bad for writing what people ask for.

Don't let the muggles get you down!!!

Do you do character anons? If you do then........

🎪 anon

Oh hello! I don't normally answer 'drama' ones, but I will this one, because thank you for your worry. It's very sweet of you.

This is all very silly and low-stakes. As a good friend of mine has said, we're all just writing stories about kissing our imaginary favourites and giggling about it. It's very cute self-indulgence, and as such should be treated as the low-stakes fun it is, in my opinion.

Sadly, there are personality differences and resulting clashes online as in real life. Sometimes we find ourselves talking to someone more, and recognising we don't much like each other. That's fine, and nothing to be ashamed of.

Unfortunately, there is a pervasive pattern of drama on Tumblr, about readers/writers feeling salty about the attention others receive (such as people slamming the smau writers, amirite? Live and let live, they're fun!), certain writers feeling they don't receive the attention they crave because they operate on a different level to the 'popular' work, and this drama sadly seeps through until liking and reblogging becomes political or cliquey.

Being blocked for writing the same trope as someone is a thing. Which is wild.

Ultimately, if I don't get along with another content creator personally, I make distance so we interact more superficially. I still like and reblog the content I like, even if it belongs to that creator. As long as someone isn't a downright despicable human, I can and do separate the art from the artist.

There really is no drama and no hard feelings to be had about it. As said above, all very low-stakes. We all have days as content creators where we feel insecure. We all have days where we feel weak or snappy. And we all have the right to curate our own feeds as we like.

In that vein, I never promote people to cause drama on my imagined behalf. I do not promote abuse of any kind, whether it's about someone I consider myself 'friendly' with, or not.

Apply some chill, and some perspective.

Thank you, of course, for looking out for me. I was upset, but have applied the perspective and my prior convictions, and recognised it for the non-drama it really is.

Mwah! Don't start any battles thinking I want them. Enjoy reading who you want, when you want.

-- Haitch xxx

[racfoam]

I have an entire word document on Harry meeting Locket!Tom that I don't know whether I'll use so I’ll share that scene in here. Spoiler alert for nynn 5th Year I guess. P.S. locket Tom is aware of who Harry is, so he will just go big and go for it, but he'll also be "Me? I'm innocent!" while internally he is the evillest motherfucker of the Horcrux Bunch.

-----------------

“May I help you?” asked a smooth, masculine voice, brushing the threads of Harry’s hair, making the hairs on her nape prickle, standing on end. Momentarily, Harry freezes in fear, noticing something familiar in the lilt, something matured yet vaguely noticeable.

Slowly, Harry turned around.

Tom Riddle stands behind her. Taller than his sixteen-year-old self, inky hair pristine and proper, combed back, inky strands reaching to his earlobes and down his nape, high cheekbones, rosy lips set in a saccharine smile, pristine porcelain skin, he is the most handsome she has seen him thus far. The mid-length hair flatters his prince charming appearance even more.

The first thought Harry manages to think through the blood-curdling terror rushing through her veins is: Fuck.

The next thought she manages is: Don’t look him in the eyes. The third is: Don’t scream.

“Sorry,” said Harry quickly, putting on her own facade (because two can play this game) of a polite, timid girl, keeping her gaze on his neck and chin. “I think I’m lost. I wasn’t supposed to be here.”

Understatement of the century.

Tom stepped closer. Far too close to be appropriate.

“People rarely come here accidentally,” he said politely, while Harry restrained every urge to shove him away from herself, the scent of his soft cologne sweeping over her, an intoxicating aroma luring prey closer. “This is not the sort of shop one enters without looking for something. Something they can’t acquire in the regular shops in Diagon Alley.”

“Er,” trailed Harry, trying to find some believable excuse. What shop was this? The thought of Lord Voldemort, Tom Riddle, the model student, working at a back alley shop, was the farthest thing Harry imagined he would be doing after graduating Hogwarts.

One thing was for sure. She wanted his attention off her. Far away from her. It was never pleasant to be the center of Tom’s attention.

“What sorts of objects do you sell here?”

“We sell all sorts of objects.”

“Mm...” Harry said, using that little opportunity of space to step away from him, hiding the fact she was fleeing by pretending to survey the shelves. There was a crystal ball swirling red mist, and Harry wondered if it was a Remembrall or something much more sinister. There were, as Tom said, all sorts of objects on display. Weapons, objects, chests, spheres of materials, even hands that looked to have been severed. There were a few skulls; she didn’t want to know whether they were fake or real.

“Is this real?” she asked, gazing upon a jar of smaller human skulls.

“Everything we have is real.”

Harry wisely stepped back from the shelf hosting the numerous skulls.

She blushes easily. How sweet. Oh, he just wants to eat her up. Wants to feel the heat he brings to her cheeks under his palms, wants to make them scalding hot to the touch. Wants to make them burn feverishly.

“We have an assortment of lovely jewelry if you’d like any,” he said, buttery soft.

Instantly, Harry was on guard. This Tom was not really alive. Just as the Tom from the diary, this must be the Tom from the locket.

“I don’t wear jewerly,” I’ll shower you in gifts. “That's a shame,” he says sincerely. “How so?”

Harry shrugged. “Never got around to it.”

“Well, then...” Tom muses, a wicked, delighted glint in his dark eyes. “I suppose we’ll have to find you something remarkable to introduce you to the idea. I find that remarkable objects make for remarkable possessions. The more special something is, the more a person craves it. And it is only the truly worthy ones that are offered the honour.”

“The ones with money,” said Harry sadly. How many times did she wish to buy Mrs Weasley and Ginny nice jewelry? Or Ron a new broom?

“No,” said Tom. “I said worthy. Those deserving. Not those who have the means to buy it, but those who earn it.”

“And what about inherited jewelry? You know, passed down in the family? Is that considered earned, too?”

“Of course," said Tom, sounding pleased. “I would argue that is the highest level of worth a piece of jewelry can have. To be passed down in the family. Whether father to son, or mother to daughter.”

“And mother to son, or father to daughter,” said Harry, thinking of the Invisibility Cloak her father left her, thinking of her mum's protection in her blood and the money in Gringotts vault, making sure Harry would never be hungry.

Tom paused for a moment, turning silent.

“Yes,” he whispered after a moment.

[mini-sae]

Homelander × Reader

When he knew :

Homelander knew nothing about love. Being what he is, he believed otherwise, of course.

He thought he fell in love with you months ago. When he started to follow you around, watching you and listening to you. Most of the times with you not being aware of it.

He loved you and he wanted to tell you. But it had to come from you first. He heard your heart speed everytime he was talking to you. He could smell the proof of your desire between your legs everytime he looked at you.

He loved you, but he had still his pride. And you were human. You were already blessed for having his attention and his heart. You had to do your part.

- Are you going to the party, tonight ? - He asks you, innocently.

- Yes. Thanks again for the invitation.

_ Don't mention it. You're one of our best employees.

You smile at him and his heart skips a beat. You were so beautiful. You were not one of those skinny giant girls on high heels. But you are the only one he sees. The only one he could spent hours to devour with his eyes.

He was waiting in the house of the man who organized the party. More like an event, really.

He decided to come early to make sure that everything would be perfect. For you. He made sure the food you like was coocked. That your favorite flowers were all over the place. That your favorite songs were on the playlist.

He could have ask Ashley or anyone else to take care of those tasks, but he wanted to be the one doing it. And he craved for the reward for his hard work. Because he loved you.

One thing annoyed him, though. The domestic of the house was crying like a baby. In another room, be he could hear his pitiful sniffles.

- What's with the old thing ? - He asks Ashley, pointing at the door.

- His dog died this morning.

She clearly didn't give a fuck and he couldn't blame her.

- Or perhaps it's just a cold. - She says, laughing stupidly.

He rolls his eyes and get out of the house. It could have been a cold, since it was winter and there was snow everywhere, but he was capable to make the difference between a sickness and a heartbreak.

He couldn't be more relieved when you finally arrived at the house. You came a little early, as always, to make sure to be helpful if you needed to be.

And holy fuck, you were magnificent.

You wore a beautiful dress, and even though he already saw you all dressed up before, it doesn't cease to amaze him. Yeah, he definitely loves you.

- Hi, Homelander. - You say with that cute smile of yours.

- Hi, sweetheart. Ready to have fun ?

- I am. Do you need me to do anything before the guests arrives ?

There's so much you could do to him or him to you before the guests arrives, but he was saving that for later.

- No, everything is settled already. Come inside, it's too cold out there.

He puts his hand on your lower back and push you inside.

Sadly for him, the guests started to come too quickly. He had to put his best smile on his face and aknowledge them.

As usual, they were happy to finally meet the Homelander.

At some point, he was sick of it. Especially that he couldn't see you anywhere. The room was full of people. He tried to hear your voice through the music and the chattering.

You weren't there. And you weren't there since a while. Your scent was still in the room, but barely.

But it's that wonderful scent that helped him finding you.

He didn't understand what he was seeing. You were outside in the cold, with a shovel.

- What the fuck ? - He mutters to himself.

The old crybaby domestic was sitting on a bench while you were trying to dig the frozen ground. Near you, there was a blanket with, given to the smell, the dead dog of the old fuck.

He stormed out and went to you right away.

- What are you doing ?

You jumped at his question and at his tone.

- I...

You seem embarrassed, and you should be. He feels his anger rising.

- It's freezing. Why aren't you inside, enjoying the party I planned ?

- I'm sorry. I'm just helping Victor burying his dog.

You approach him and murmurs to him.

- He's too weak to do it himself.

Was he dreaming ? He spend days to plan the perfect evening, weeks even,  for you and you were doing this ? For someone else, not to mention.

- Go inside, now.

You flinch at the coldness of his voice, but you didn't move.

- Homelander, please. It won't take long.

He nearly laughed at that. It will take you hours to dig a hole in this fucking ground.

- Please, miss. You don't have to do this. - The domestic says.

He watch you looking at the man with pure empathy. Your hair were a mess. Your dress was stained, and you were clearly cold.

- Give me that.

He snatched the shovel out of your hands and dug a hole in a second. Puts the dead dog in it and cover it up.

He turned to you and see you sitted next to the old man.

Despite his super hearing, he noticed the silence in the atmosphere. Just the wind blowing and your heartbeat. Your pale skin shining under the moon, while you were helping someone grieving.

That's when he knew. He knew he didn't love you before. That was just a very strong attraction. A fucking crush.

But that ? That warmth spreading in his whole body ? The way his heart was swelling so much that it could burst ?

That was love. That was pure love.

At that moment, he didn't care about his pride. He didn't care that you were human and he, the most powerful being in the world. None of that mattered.

He sits next to you and take your hand in his. You look at him with wide eyes and he gives you a shy smile.

- I have something to tell you.

[dreamsarebutterflies]

I agree with everything, I'll just add that Ivan is sadly socially inept and he doesn't recognize emotions. He takes everything at face value and can only believe what he's told. If Till says he loves Mizi, who is he to tell him dude that's not love, you have a crush on a girl you barely talked to?

He labels Mizi and Sua's way to look at and interact with each other as love. Since he recognizes Sua's look, he knows he feels what she's feeling. I don't think he ever thought of his feelings as love either. Although he's craving to be the center of Till's attention, he calls them shallow.

The idiot probably thinks Till doesn't notice that he loves him, so he tries way too hard to be noticed as a whole; through theft, violence and endless teasing. It's impossible for Ivan to think Till likes him even as a friend - and what use is a friend anyway when you think love is straight up workshipping?

As a result of his lack of social (human) understanding, Ivan observes and mimics the behaviors that both show and attract love. Some would call this manipulation but I'll call it masking tbh. If he does it right, Till would like him more, right? Ivan smiles a lot and plays with others, like Mizi. He writes love songs, like Till. He fucking stayed at Anakt Garden for Till just like Till decided to stay for Mizi. He looks after Till the way Sua does with Mizi. So focused on others' way to show and feel love, he doesn't notice other ways to love someone: how he develops his own way and how Till was also capable of loving different people in different ways. This idiot thinks Till doesn't care about him at all because he knows only one emotion himself: love for no other than Till.

Lesser love for another person than the loved one is fictional to him at this point.

Ivan feels betrayed by Sua and that's why he becomes more of her critic than ally or a friend to her. See, contrary to Mizi, Sua or Till, love isn't just playing, caring and workshipping to Ivan. He wants to make Till happy, and to give him back the freedom he thinks Till needs to be happy. I'm not saying they're all selfish and toxic in their way of loving, I'm talking about what we see as an audience up to this moment: ALSNT shows only Ivan working to give Till what he wants and needs so far, everyone else is just bathing in their own feelings (for what we see, again, I don't diminish anyone's ship, the narrative makes a point to show Ivan's obsession for Till and that's what we're meant to see: someone doing everything to be loved and noticed but not in a yandere or disturbing way).

Sua sacrifices herself for Mizi but it is selfish. Comics tell us that it is premeditated despite the fact Mizi and Sua agreed that they would finish the round in a tie. She took this decision all by herself. And Ivan, all neurodivergent as he can be, knows that this can only break Mizi. It is the complete opposite of what he feels about what love should be. Trauma isn't going to make Mizi happy, it will stay with her forever, just like Till going back to Anakt Garden marked Ivan's soul. For once, he thinks he can tell her a piece of his mind, bitch that's not true love, that's just you being pathetic and her being miserable because of you.

Then, Round6. Was it sacrificial or a intent for double suicide or a distraction until Hyuna get thel out of here, name your theory... Ivan knows he's dying on the stage tonight.

And the only reason why he would be killed or would lose is because he allows it. Of all the kids, we see Ivan with the most freedom and access. Not because of who he and his owner are but because he is submissive since day1 so there is no reason to be suspicious of him. This freedom gives him the power to choose how to live and how to die. The other kids in the system don't have the luxury; Luka is proof of them, he's just a trophee in a glass case who has power only when on stage. Ivan always used this power for Till; to give him what he thinks Till needs and wants, to make him happy. Round6 is no exception to that rule. Dying for Till isn't gonna traumatize him, because Till doesn't care.

I truly believe Ivan sees love as being the center of someone's universe, that's all he knows and he is aware he's just not it for Till. This misconception leads him to act this way. He doesn't think he's selfish because of it. More than that. He probably thinks thatHowever, Ivan feels kindship for Sua again as he finds himself in the same position. He understands why she did it. She wasn't pathetic. Sua is probably Ivan's only regret. Maybe at this moment, he understood she must have felt lonely going through this alone. Perhaps he even felt actual friendship for the first time in his life.

The reason why he thinks of his feelings as shallow is because he believes that the fact it was one sided makes it insignificant in the great scheme of things. What if he died thinking this wasn't love all along?

Don't touch me-

Y'all didn't get the thing with Ivan and Sua

Ivan isn't blind, he saw their relationships with Mizi and could tell that their fairly in love.

And he said that thing about being sacrificed is a trauma for the other, especially, IF THEY LOVE YOU.

All he saw in Till's eyes is God damn cold and indifference. So he was sure

Till doesn't give a f about him

So his death wouldn't be so traumatic for him. Ivan believed that Till doesn't loved him at all.

He was dying with the thought that Till, even at very end, doesn't care about him.

[violetsystems]

#personal

I've been trying to wrap my head around fairly mundane things lately instead of the usual geopolitical prison I seemed to be trapped in. I would say everyone is trapped in it since these are the times we live in. But sometimes it seems "the times" are the ones starring in the show and I've been written out of the main narrative. Money and income are unfortunately not so divorced from the reality of this situation. So I've been trying to stay productive and proactive about how I manage it in a tight situation. Been fairly successful downsizing through eBay lately. It's one of those things I've tried to gain some momentum on like posting the music. But music doesn't sell. And I'd be surprised if anyone outside here listened to it. This is ok because I really only make music like poetry these days. If I'm feeling some type of way about some type of thing or person. I'll explore it in song. And if somebody vibes with whatever tones I created that's all I can really ask for. Machine or otherwise. I've been thinking a lot about the art we put out there being consumed and secretly validated by machines. Human beings rely on computers now for so much in a heavily isolated world. How can AI fake being human in a vacuum filled with the same basic ass shit? What can it be inspired enough by to inspire other people? Most algorithms are just a laundry list of tasks to repeat and not actual human intelligence. Which is fine because most people are just going through the motions. Most companies don't truly understand what their algorithms and ai even do. I like to post music to YouTube just the same. Maybe computers deep down see and know things we can't connect to. Maybe because we blocked it out due to heavy trauma. I think of computers as an extension of the person who uses them. I've been working in technology for years. I played with a modem when I was twelve faking that I was Neuromancer behind the keyboard. I would post up the second phone line from my bedroom on bulletin board systems and role play I was a secret site. People would call and it was like war games cosplay. This is how I wanted to make friends back then. Possibly because I was teased, isolated and wanted to explore something new. If you know me these days or have over the years on this site, it probably makes more sense why I feel comfortable here with people. People use the anonymous concept of handles on the internet much in the same way for their own reasons. I'm sadly always on main but I respect the space of it all. And ultimately I am truly deep down as genuine, transparent and hardcore as you would expect me to be. There's not much difference from me here and real life anymore. But it often feels silo'd in a way that I trust but try not to pry into. The fact that things I secretly like and represent seem to bleed into real life can be disorienting. Especially in a process where behind the scenes my life has been catastrophic.

It isn't so bad to have the attention. I definitely crave it. And with things as they are in the news, I often contemplate being responsible to set an example for myself. I literally don't understand how we've created a world that runs backwards particularly for women and rights. Let alone the fact that men seem to have regressed into a lazy state of insecurity that deems their needs filled first. Most men don't even know themselves inside emotionally let alone sexually. And probably are a one trick pony when it comes to expressing empathy, emotion or love outside of getting their nut off. I'm not trying to be doctor ruth on Tumblr but I am trying to set aside a real conscious attempt to set myself apart. Everybody's sexuality is their business and I hope for people to be able to express it without being blocked by manmade created trauma. It's true that I want to be in a committing and loving relationship. And I don't really doubt that won't happen to me if it hasn't already in some capacity. I'm about as sexually frustrated as they come in some ways. In others not so much. It definitely isn't Christian of me to have had sex outside of marriage. Three committed relationships to be exact. I haven't had sex for a really long time. I don't mind talking about it but in these times men seem to feel as if they're hunted or persecuted for the fact. The same men who seem to have no accountability or responsibility when confronted and are showered with press, attention and seemingly money. I can't really and don't want to compete with that shit. So I look to the value in being inspired to be attractive, sexy and confident in my own way. And I think we all do in our own space and skin just the same. I have over the years on here been trapped in communities that were very judgmental behind the scenes about the things I posted and wrote about. And these days it's a different vibe with a lot of feminine energy leading the invisible conversation. But when one half of the creator of the adult cartoon Rick and Morty says this shit about how all our heroes are secretly horrible people? I feel like a villain. And when I confront that logic over and over again particularly in a male dominated society? Something strange happens. Men get more and more mad at me and the women they control. Which is sad to say. And women seem far more comfortable to hang out with. And yes, I do like women very much. And you can tell maybe I think too deeply of how to respectfully express this while being myself. This space has always respected that and it's grown over time. So much so that I don't really understand what any man thinks they're going to accomplish acting the way they do to attract women.

I'm not here to argue for men anymore. I'm not here to educate people and lead the social justice movement. I like somebody. They know it. And I'm just trying to be the best version of me and grow with that. I don't really know anything about specifically what is going on at all. I'm sure the people I'm close to know more than I do. And most of those people are women and sharing that kind of power feels like it will pay itself forward. You have to create an environment somebody you like would feel comfortable being around in. Especially if you are a scary ass male in a world full of performative chauvinists. It isn't like I don't get horny or get turned on by things I see. How empty fantasy would be if we didn't appreciate reality all the more because of it? People are jealous of it. Read too deeply into it. Don't realize how long I've been sharing things over time. And honestly I haven't ever cared what people think because their results are always garbage to me. I go my own way and have had enough failure to know I'll work it out. But it is really harsh being trapped between all of this and not able to move forward. People have so many secret opinions and rules about who I am that I cannot control, influence or seem to change. So I've been really just living with blinders on. I don't have much social interaction outside of Tumblr in a horribly isolated way. I know this probably is for the best. It's not that I'm socially awkward outside of when it seems I'm being surveilled in public by eighteen different parties. I'm ready to call it a complete mess out there. Which is why I'm glad I choose to keep things very unique in this walled garden. There's people out there in real life who have known me for years but haven't reached out. Maybe they read all these one day over brunch with their friends and reminisce that I made the same mistakes as them. But I have never even had a hand held like I have here. And sometimes when people invade my dash it doesn't feel right. It's not like another onion layer of emotional protection for someone I care about. It's people who should now better not to pry into my life. I learned the hard way through trying to pursue this cybersecurity shit that you are the weakest link. I disconnect from a lot of things and remain anonymous because I want the Kate bush Babushka experience. If it's a test of noise, it's peaceful and quiet when the right people tap me on the shoulder. I don't squander that. I don't take it for granted. And I'm not really in control as a male and fine with it. What's the rest of the world's excuse? They're not invited. Private party. In France they call it a soiree. They also kiss with their mouths open. I'm drooling just thinking about it. <3 Tim

[prideofcelestia]

❝ soft moments before you get into a relationship with him ❞

« characters - barbatos, lucifer, mephistopheles »

« gender neutral reader »

« drabbles »

« pairing - romantic »

BARBATOS

Barbatos did not think about you. Not when he had his responsibilities as the royal butler. Not when he spent his free time worrying about Diavolo and his latest shenanigans. Not when he was thinking about a new dish with pickles in it to serve Diavolo. Not when he had to be at the top of everything and be the most competent demon in existence. Not when...

Then tell him the reason that he found a moment in his busy schedule to catch your eye before instantly feeling like his own demon. His work was hardly ever commented upon — most demons usually taking it for granted. However, you noticed. Every time. The look of admiration and respect in your eyes always cheered him up, but now they danced with a new unfathomable emotion.

...What could it be?

The electric spark that charged the air between you two was nothing short of beautiful. The human who had charmed the unparalleled powers of the three realms was special without a doubt but he did not expect you to become important to him too outside his capacity as a butler.

A charm stronger than magic. A sacred bond.

... Love painted the air in a beautiful hue that he could no longer be a stranger to.

He would soon learn that it was not attention that he craved, but rather your attention that he wanted, that he needed. It was all you. It's always been you.

LUCIFER

Lucifer did not like the knocks on his door at midnight. If it was an assassin, he could have enjoyed torturing them for a few moments to destress. Sadly, it was a more dangerous opponent — you.

With a cup of coffee and a few sandwiches, you entered and smiled at him. That smile that was meant for him and him only was the devil's undoing. His face registered indifference but his heart could no longer agree.

"You can put it down and leave. Thank you."

He got invested in his work again — wishing for you to leave him in peace but also to stay there by his side.

"Not until I see you eat."

Again, he raised his eyes at your boldness. Were you trying to order him around? The way you had your hands on your hip as you did your best impression of a glare made him chuckle.

Putting his pen down, he loosened his tie and asked you to take a seat opposite him.

"Only if you join me, [Name]."

Maybe Beel was correct when he said that food tasted better when shared with someone you love.

MEPHISTOPHELES

Mephistopheles did not like running into you in the middle of an assignment. The moment he hid behind the bushes, he fell on top of someone. Why did it have to be you?

The closeness didn't faze either of you as you maintained eye contact.

"Human, what do you think you're doing in a suspicious place like this?"

"Ouch— I could ask the same of you!"

Rolling his eyes, he looked ahead of him at his target and clicked his tongue. "Tsk. I'm here to collect intel, not to waste time like the precious human exchange student."

With a sigh, you asked him to pull his aristocratic weight off of you before softening your tone. "Since you answered me even though you were rude about it, I'll tell you my reason too. Satan and Belphie are planning something so they asked me to tell them when Lucifer comes out of the building."

He snorted at the new information. Some of the awkwardness seemed to vanish when you joined him by laughing at the silliness of the situation.

You said, "What...?"

His face looked gentle, almost relaxed even though you two were cramped in an inauspicious place — your shoulders brushing against each other.

"Nothing..."

But some thoughts swirled in his mind.

Someone who makes it a little difficult for Lucifer can't be all bad.

[youandtom2]

Hey I saw that your quick stables are open. I was wondering if you would do a continuation of ‘Big Brother Is Watching’? Absolutely no pressure, totally fine if you don’t want to write it!

The Great Escape (dark!tom holland)

a/n: This isn't a drabble nor is a continuation. It's more of a 4.1K extension of Big Brother's Watching that's been sitting in my drafts for ages! So thank you for giving me the motivation to finish it! I'm still accepting drabble requests!

Read 'Big Brother's Watching' // MASTERLIST tw: domestic/physical abuse - read at your own risk!

Not once had you ever thought he could become such a monster. A creature blinded by insecurity but yet powered by control. You can't even describe him as a human anymore, because there is nothing humane about what he does to you. And sadly, you could probably say the same thing about yourself; the way you are being treated is far from the standard care of basic human rights. Being held captive in austere conditions as a confined animal; that is what you must become in order to survive.

You've lost the ability to love, but yet that's all he wants from you. At first it was natural, it was easy to love his modest personality that enticed you the moment you met him. As well as his charming looks. And nothing could stop you indulging in his chocolate gems that he has been blessed with since birth. He was always craving your love and attention and you tried your best to provide, but it became increasingly worrying how, and how often, he would chase after your affection. Others considered it sweet, but you found it exhausting at times. That's when things started to change; when doubt was introduced and it diseased your mind, telling you that you couldn't love this man anymore for the person he had become: volatile, desperate and conniving.

At the time, the signs were transparent and not enough for you to translate. But it was too late by the time you were able to decipher them. He already had you trapped.

"Love? I'm home!" Tom's voice echoes down the corridor and into your room. Well, you say your room, but it's really his. He just keeps you there.

You recognise the snide facade laced in his tone of voice; it's fake and he knows it's fake. Then come his trudging footsteps, bouncing down the corridor on his way to see you. Fear laced with utmost hatred spikes through your veins at the second the doorknob turns. In your corner you watch as he makes his way into the room, making sure to close the door behind him and in one split second, silence falls and there's nothing but empty air between him and you.

"Love," he murmurs deeply, his pet name for you being used far from its true meaning. "Aren't you going to welcome me home?" He spreads his long arms, standing there as if waiting for gold to rain down on him. You meekly stand up, nimble limbs aching from injuries as you shuffle closer to him, preparing yourself to be engulfed by him. As you approach him, his impatience closes the gap between you and his arms snake around your waist, squeezing you just that little bit tighter. "That's better." Being so close to him, the internal sound of his low husky voice reverberates through your hollow body. It's haunting to say the least.

As if in response, your body murmurs back to him, except it's your stomach and not your voice. Your empty stomach yearns for food.

"Hungry, darling?"

"Yes," you whisper. His arms uncoil themselves, but he still has a lock on you.

"Good, because Harrison and his girlfriend have asked us to dinner," he announces. He sinks his head lower, just enough that his lips delicately skim the corner of your ear. A wicked grin dons his face, you don't even need to see it to know. "If you behave I might let you get dessert. Remember, love- "

"I know," you spit distastefully. You already know the deal: if you happen to give away as much as an inkling about your situation to anyone, there will be trouble. If you dare to stray from the act, there will be trouble. If you say one word out of place, there will be trouble. Why? Well you are his girlfriend after all, why would you be begging for help? He is aware that if he doesn't let you out to see people, they would get suspicious. He's taking his pet out on a leash. 

Before you get his permission to move, he slides his hand underneath your jaw and his fingers curl around your chin, guiding him up to you.

"Watch that pretty, little mouth of yours," he moans, inching closer to steal a kiss from you. The only thing you're thankful for is that the kiss isn't too assertive. Ironically, they're gentle but compassionate. Maybe that's just part of his strategy to make you fall for him like you once did years ago, but given the circumstances, nothing could persuade you to do such a thing.

He hums into the kiss, snaking his arm back around your waist whilst you wait for it to be over. "Go and get yourself ready."

The clock ticks on as you patiently wait by the door for him, like a dog waiting to be walked. You can't bear to think of the humiliation if anyone were to see you like this; submissive, helpless, dependent. What's worse is that they would continue living not knowing that this was never your choice. Despite your desperation for redemption, you would scoff at people advising to 'just walk away' because it's never that simple. If it was, you would've walked away a long time ago. Unfortunately he's just too clever.

"Love," he beckons. Stop calling me that! "Be good for me, please. You don't want to ruin it for yourself, do you?"

You shake your head. Accepting your response as the correct one, he plants a kiss on your forehead.

"You know I only do what's best for you. For us." If only that were true. Tom swiftly guides you out of his home and your prison before you can protest. 

The restaurant was Harrison's choice, a lovely one too. Tom would never bring you to a place like this. It's magical. Across the table sits the power couple that is Harrison and his girlfriend. You can't help but gawk at the way they look at each other endearingly...but it's in that same moment that the pang of jealousy convinces you to look the other way. Tom was once like that, and as afraid as you are to admit it, you were too. Now there's nothing. You're hollow. 

The food arrives and the mesmerising meal in front of you has your mouth salivating. 

"God, I'm starved," you mumble. Your audience shares chuckles at your passing comment. It isn't a joke but they don't know that. You didn't spare a thought of the repercussions until after the words slip from your mouth, because now it has gained you your warning for tonight. Tom rests his hand on your thigh, curling his fingernails into your skin. You squirm at the pain, or rather, you try not to. When it finally ends you look up to find his menacing eyes, covertly disguised within his smiles. Message received, loud and clear. 

The conversation flows back and forth easily between the four of you and Tom seems content. Thankfully. No one seems to suspect anything. Sometimes it ruins you knowing that you are trying not to raise suspicions for the sake of your health, but then again, you could argue you should be raising suspicions for the same reason.

That's what hurts. 

"So, Tom tells me you've been writing a lot. How's that going?" Harrison asks. You look up mid-mouthful. You're trying to conceal the fact that you've been longing for such delicious food for days, and it doesn't exactly help when you have to resist the hunger, having to put down the fork to speak. Does anyone really care for manners anyway? 

"Um, yeah, it's going alright. Deadlines are coming up so I have very little time to get out these days." 

The well-rehearsed conversation goes to plan and the audience is convinced. You're not really a writer. You don't really have deadlines coming up. And in fact, you have all the time in the world to get out. If only you could. 

You've finished your role, now it's Tom's time to shine. "Yeah she's been working so hard, haven't you? I've been telling her to take breaks more often and to get out, but...she's dedicated. It's inspiring," he gleams. He reaches over to tuck a strand behind your ear while a thumb glides across your cheek, reminding you of where the remnants of a bruise remains camouflaged beneath your makeup. Again, another warning.  

Teeth grinding, fists clenching, blood boiling. You could almost scream at the irony and the facade, but you know the rules; you can't let anyone suspect a thing. 

As you wait for your second course, that's when time really starts to slow down. You don't know how long you can keep the charade going, especially if you're being toyed by Tom's incessant teasing of freedom. It's almost as if he wants you to get yourself into trouble. 

Ah. Now here's the real trouble. You need the toilet. Tom hates when you're not in his sight which is why trying to get yourself to the one place he can't go seems like mission impossible. In a hopeless attempt, you cross your legs, squeezing them together as if that's going to help for the unforeseeable future. You look to Tom for permission, but he's too engrossed in the conversation with Harrison that he doesn't pay you any mind. However, it's because he's too engrossed in the conversation that he doesn't notice the subtle clearing of Grace’s throat. 

Her concerned eyes meet yours.

Are you okay?

I'm desperate.

She can’t seem to interpret your ambiguous message until you subtly gesture to your hand where you enclose your thumb within your fist. Her eyes widen with shock and horror, taking a cautionary glance over Tom. She knows. Nervous, you observe intently as she delicately picks up her glass of water within the curve of her hand, bringing it gently to her lips, eyes fixated on yours. 

Get ready. 

Beguiling eyes watch as the glass of water drops to her lap, spilling water all the way down her dress. The boys are whipped from their conversation as they scramble to clean up the mess. 

"Silly me!" she exclaims. "Ah, shit. Would you mind coming to the toilet to help me out?" Her eyes turn to you and without a moment's hesitation you rise from your seat with a 'no, I don't mind at all!'. This is it, this is your opportunity. "You guys don't mind do you? We'll only be a minute!" 

You don't look to Tom for permission this time. He doesn't have that authority now, especially in a public restaurant in front of his own friends. With each step that carries you away from him and into salvation feels like a hefty weight of a year being relieved from your shoulders. Just simply out of spite, your head peers over your shoulder to find very, very agitated, but restrained, eyes following your every move. Although he loves to make the rules, it amuses you when he becomes detained by his own words. He won't stop you because he can't raise suspicions himself. Ha!

Grace drags into the ladies toilet, thankfully empty, and turns to face you. 

"Pee first. Explanation after."

Thank you, you angel.

"Please tell me there is a genuine reason I had to do that," she pleads as she dabs her silk dress. 

"Um...well..."

"Oh my god there is, isn't there? I knew it! I always knew something wasn't right! Harrison refused to believe me..."

"Wait...you knew?"

"Well I don't know what I know. I've always thought that there's something not quite right with Tom for a while now, with you-" she pauses when she takes in your skeletal frame now that you have stepped out from the cubicle. "Holy fuck..." Her gentle hands run down the lengths of your arms before engulfing you in a hug. A real hug; not something you're forced into. "Is it true?" You nod, words replaced by tears. "I didn't realise how bad it was, I'm so sorry, I should've done something sooner." Grace retreats, but close enough to run her thumb over your cheek, exactly like Tom did but this time you wince, he isn't here to reprimand you. "He's hurt you..." she whispers. The shock has reduced her voice into nothing, clearly in disbelief of the unimaginable pain you've suffered. 

"Still does," you sniff. "I-I need help, Grace, I don't know how to get out."

"I'll help you, darlin', I will, don't worry-"

"But he c-can't find out, he's too smart. You even said so yourself, if Harrison won't believe you, how can we convince anyone? No one would believe what he's really like!"

"I'll make him believe, okay? Trust me. I will do everything I can to help you. But first," she takes a step back, whipping out her phone from her clutch. "I know this will be painful, but show me where he has hurt you. Are there any...marks o-or bruises?" she winces. 

You show her, letting her capture every scar, burn, bruise, scab, cut and mark there is on your body, even the fingernail marks he made just moments before. Every single one of them has a story to be told, and they were all left there by Tom. It is humiliating, but it's a step closer to liberation. 

You're starting to become wary of how long you're taking, and you know that if you're not sat by his side in less than a minute, he will come hunting. You retouch your appearances, quickly devise a plan, and let Grace coordinate your redemption, praying with every ounce of hope you have left that she's successful. All you need to do now is wait.

"Okay," she sighs, "stay strong for me, yeah? I'll get you help as soon as I can. Just-" she sighs hopelessly, "just hang in there." She kisses your cheek and you both strut back to your table next to your counterparts. Tom's scrutinising glower already fixated on you, and it seems that he's relinquished control of his body to his temperament. He's fighting his own demons now: the fidgeting of his fingers, the non-stop drumming of his knee, the grinding of his jaw, the obsessive need to know his surroundings, it's all there. 

The facade perks up again as soon as you are sat next to him, already his arm slinging around your dainty shoulders. 

"Sorted?" Harrison asks, pecking Grace’s cheek. 

"Sorted," she ambiguously peers at you.

Sadly enough you didn't get dessert.

You and Tom very swiftly vacated after your visit to the toilet upon receiving an 'urgent message' that required Tom's immediate attention, leaving no time for Harrison or Grace to query this 'urgent message'.

Tom marches about three paces ahead of you and your pulse quickens at the sight of his front door. Key in hand - no, fist - as he slots it into the door, opening it and standing by it, waiting for you. Memories repeat themselves and you’re living deja vu. You've experienced his temperament before, the only silver lining being that you have a slight upper hand of predicting what he will do next. You think about your next steps carefully. He'll seize you the first chance he gets to interrogate you, but if you have the energy to sprint past him, which you should thanks to your nutritious meal, you could make it to the bathroom before he reaches you. Is it a risk you're willing to take? Hell yes.

Three, two, one. GO!

Everything happens so quickly. With a burst of adrenaline, your feet carry you past Tom, narrowly missing as he reaches out for you. With your escape, belligerent footsteps chase you in pursuit. You can't afford to look behind you, you have to keep your eyes forward, running in the pursuit of safety that is behind the sturdy lock of the bathroom door. Oxygen passes through your weary lungs but you won't give up now, not with the possibility that you could be free from this in a matter of 24 hours. Swinging left and right, nearly clambering over the mess in the hallway, you successfully make it to your temporary safety.

The door slams shut just mere seconds before Tom could get his hands on you. You stand breathlessly in the haunting bathroom as the aged, wooden door in front of you visibly rattles from its hinges. If it can just hold a little longer...

"Open the door!" he growls.

"No!" You shout back. The rattling stops and silence falls. Either your defiance has shocked him into silence or he really is listening. The latter of the two being an inconceivable suggestion considering tonight's events. How hopeful of you.

A minute passes by and nothing is heard. Panic settles in as you can't even begin to imagine what plan Tom has devised. Taking an inch at a time, you glide across the icy floor tiles, approaching the rickety door with immediate precaution. The cracks through the wood let you see through to the other side and Tom's nowhere to be seen. Not a single soul, but that doesn't mean you're safe. You don't even dare thinking about turning that door knob, not for one second because for every minute that goes by is one minute closer to freedom.

Footsteps approach again and Tom's silhouette floats towards the door but this time, his composure is scarily tame. Aside from the familiar, haunting footsteps there's a new sound, one that should be liberating but in your case could mean the end for you.

The jangling of keys. Specifically, keys to the lock that keeps you in and him out. You didn't know he kept spare keys...

You admit your defeat when the lock turns and unlocks. You don't even move, you can't. It's the paralysing hopelessness that renders your feet frozen to the spot as the rickety door eases open with a tantalising creak. Before you, Tom unveils his malice, his intention speaking for him as he closes the door in a calm demeanour that provokes your fear even more. With your back against the wall, all you can do now is pray.

"Please, Tom, don't. Please, please, please, I didn't say anything, I promise, please don't hurt me," you plead, your voice barely a whisper.

"Why don't I believe you?" He steps closer, his body testing his temper. He's a hair's breadth away now, but still he hasn't laid a finger on you. Unintelligible words are passing your lips, even you can't make sense of your desperate pleas. "Hm?" He cocks his head ever so slightly to the left and eases closer to your ear, forehead drilling into the side of yours. "What. Did. You. Say. To. Her?" he bites. 

"N-nothing! I promise-"

"Don't lie to me!" He swings and his fist collides with the wall beside you with an almighty blow. Specs of dust and rubble roll down your shoulder as you let out a piercing scream. All you can do is cower into yourself, it's the only thing that helps to physically block out his manic shouting, to stop him muttering hostile threats into your ear. Having lost your last line of defence, your knees give way and buckle beneath you leaving you a crumpled mess on the floor, eyes tearful and suddenly your camouflage dissipates. You can't hide the bruises now.

Tight hands coil your wrists, not in anger, but in desperation. Blood trickles down from his knuckles after the sharp blow to the bathroom wall. He sobs your name, completely unaware that he himself has taken an emotional diversion. As conditioned, you meet his eyes, both alike in appearance however as for motive, it's clear you both want different things.

"Please," he mutters, "for me. Promise me you didn't say anything."

In amongst the inconsolable sobs, you do somehow find the oxygen to lie to him hoping that it'll convince him and end this torture. He reconciles with his anger and sinks his head low, body drooping towards yours until finally, out of exhaustion, his head collapses rather uncomfortably into the curve of your neck still continuously sobbing.

He's defeated, he knows that. His insecurity has clearly gotten out of control and you hate to admit that you pity him. You do. You almost begin to speculate that he's just as lonely as you are. He yearns for attention, love and decent care. You just can't give that to him and due to his insecurity and despair, he can't accept that. He can't let go of his lifeline.

You take the opportunity in Tom's sensitive state to bring his wits about him with words you wouldn't dare speak if under any other circumstances.

"Tom, please, listen to me," you croak, voice worn away from terror. "I can't always be here for you-"

"You have to!" His words hit your collarbone.

"You need help! You can't live your life like this, and you know you can't live mine for me either. I can't give you what you want or what you need."

"But I need you," he pleads. He lifts his head, his hands circling your face and soaking up your tears. "You can't leave me!"

"Tom, let her go..."

A new voice enters the conversation. Relief washes over you as you find Harrison and Grace standing breathlessly in the doorway in front of the domestic mess that's ensued for the past year. Your liberation has arrived, your beam of light, your freedom. In that moment of sweet release, you could swear that you heard something break; maybe it was Tom's heart, maybe it was his sanity, or maybe it was his supremacy over you, but whatever it was, there's no denying that you could see it in his eyes. Betrayal and defeat are two very prominent emotions that are seeping from him as little droplets of tears fall onto your lap.

"You told her?" he whispers, lip quivering. If hopelessness was a person...

"I had to..." you whisper back. Harrison's hand cautiously rests on Tom's shoulder pulling him back from you. The space between you grows and grows until finally you are whipped from his clutches and your eyes disconnect for the last time. Grace leads you to the living room where you find two broody police officers waiting to escort you to the ambulance, one staying behind to deal with Tom in whatever way that may be.

"We told them we'd go by ourselves. Couldn't risk the police triggering a reaction from him especially if he was with you." You really didn't ask nor did you care, for now you are a free soul.

"Thank you, Grace."

~~~~

The rest of the night falls peacefully as you are tucked up into a hospital bed accompanied by Harrison and Grace. The doctor had completed his observation within a short amount of time and told you what you already know...

'Nothing broken, a few bruises here and there but you'll be okay.'

Will you? What about the colossal build up of emotional abuse? Or the scars disfiguring your skin? What will rectify that? Where's the justice in that?

You bite your tongue, frustration isn't going to fix anything.

As you lie there, you think back on the days you spent with Tom, not in sentiment but in remorse. Remorse for not taking action sooner, remorse for not realising Tom's symptoms sooner, remorse for not telling someone. You assume that the feeling won't leave you anytime soon as you dread the numerous visits to court, the recalling of the awful days to testify against him, and the public outcry from fans as you send him to jail. It will be the last battle to fight against him, but at least you know how uplifted you will feel when there comes a day where you can wake up to your own life, regaining back the days you have lost and finding love the right way. There will come a day where you can finally make your own decisions, dress how you want to dress, say what you want to say, act how you want to act and maybe, just maybe, you can be the liberation that other women, like you, dream of having.

And this time there's nothing holding you back.

[not-krys]

WIP Wednesday: Fictober 2022 Previews

Back again for my fourth year of Fictober!

The prompts came out a little late this year, so I've decided to not use betas this year as I don't have the time to work on these and then send them off to my usual preview readers, so this year's fictober is gonna look a little rough.

Down below are previews of what I've written on at least two of my fics this year, the first being my yearly Mitsuhide fic. The second is gonna be my return to Comte angst after having a bit of burnout at the end of fictober last year.

Regular warnings apply, raw text, not edited. CW for pregnancy mentions in both sections and implied complications in Comte's section.

------

You turned further away, feeling your ears burn. Mitsuhide poked you again.

"Come now, Little Mouse, these oranges I worked so hard to pick for you will rot at this rate."

You tense, feeling the craving for the sweet tanginess of oranges come over you so suddenly. True, you had told him you liked oranges before, but the craving coming over you was intense.

"[Name]," Mitsuhide said more firmly, the sound of a round fruit rolling on a plate catching your attention.

He had his thumb placed at the top of the orange, the rind giving easily to quick, gentle pressure. He put half a piece to his mouth, bit down and the juice dribbled down his chin. You swallowed, hard.

"But… you can't taste anything-"

"It's wet," he said simply, licking his lips sensually. "Cool on the tongue. Little sticky if I had to give it one flaw."

He finished off his little piece, licking the remaining juice from his fingers, making sure to look you in the eye while doing so.

-----

"You know that I would anything for her… for them…" Comte brushed her damp bangs out of her eyes, closed in an uneasy sleep.

"Even risking turning her?" Leonardo said pointedly, glaring at his old friend.

"Blanc and Rouge aren't doing as well as we had hoped. It has to be a pureblood's essence."

"And what happens if you lose both of them? What then?"

"We have to try something, Leonardo. I can't stand to see her in pain, not for a minute longer."

Leonardo glared, staring down the other vampire, his teeth grinding together.

"Fine… but we're using a sterilized knife. No need to get your teeth involved."

Comte smiled, tired, but relieved.

"Thank you, mon ami."

"I'll go ask Sebas for a sharp one." Leonardo turned with the speed only a pureblood could manage, his coat tails trailing behind him.

Comte turned his attention back to his cherie on the bed, pale but still breathing. His kissed her fevered forehead, brushing back more of her sweat-dampened hair. His other hand trailed down her side, to her swelled abdomen covered by the thin sheet. He pressed his hand into her, feeling a tiny heart beneath his hand against what he could only assume was his child's back.

"So strong." Comte said tenderly, his smile soft despite his fatigue. "The union of a human and a pureblood."

His eyes turned back to his love, his smile turning to a frown.

"I'm sorry, ma cherie." he said, sadly, "this… all of this… none of us knew that this was even possible. For purebloods and humans to be able to reproduce together… and now you're suffering because of it…"

His hand trembled in her hair.

"If I could take away your suffering, all of it… you know that I would. But it's becoming harder and harder to find viable options. I thought that the Rouge would help as it's the closest to the real thing, but even that is starting to fail."

His breath shuddered, struggling to keep his voice even as he spoke to her.

"If nothing else works… if my blood isn't enough…

[lornadanesummers]

Favorite Bonkai scenes and why?

1. Her hands on his chest -

This scene was their first close interaction, and the chemistry was off the charts. Bonnie was taking charge and Kai was loving ever second of it. Funny thing is Kai made Bonnie do a locator spell just so she could touch him, and Bonnie didn’t have to touch him either, she could have just came out and said Kai had the Ascendant on him, but nope, she went ahead with his game and felt up his chest. Why? Because she was clearly attracted to him.  

2. I'll go if you go - 

So after Bonnie rejected his sorry ass and was still rightfully angry with him. Kai wanted to travel to another prison world with her to prove that he has changed. This is one of those infuriating episodes for Bonkai because you know if Kai had actually shown Bonnie he’d changed and Bonnie gave him one last chance, this could have been where their story changed from enemies to friends to lovers. But according to Plec, Bonnie’s not allowed to have fun and get nice things. I thought it was a nice touch to show that Kai has a crush on Bonnie still. 

3. Giving up so soon? I'm embarrassed for you. - 

It’s rare that we get to see Bonnie so fearless, assertive and sexy. When she had to facedown Kai, and was left mocking him. Leaving a surprise look on his face when she got her magic back. I loved how she challenged him and he back down. I think this is where Kai’s desire for Bonnie grew. He saw how brave and badass she was. This left him obsessed with her.

4. Kai's apology at the club - 

This is up for interpretation, but I think Kai’s apology was genuine. Before Bonnie returned, Kai was feeling guilty about what he did to her. It’s why he risked his life on her birthday to help send a message to her. When Kai found out she returned home, he wanted to make it right with her. Pre-merged Kai wouldn’t have given a damn, but this was a more empathic Kai wanting to express his regrets to Bonnie. The writers could have gone somewhere with this.

5. Bonnie's revenge in 1903 - 

Kai drives Bonnie to the edge. It was actually fun to watch how far Bonnie was willing to go with Kai. She first tried to kill him in the 1994 prison world, knowing he was mortal and that her attack was fatal to a human. Kai gets under her skin, to the point where we see Bonnie being more aggressive with her attacks. Not using magic so much as using weapons to stabbing him. Bonkai could have gone so dark and sensual. This scene showed a really dangerous side to Bonnie that left even Kai scared.

6. I want to be more like you- 

This might be less genuine than his apology, however I think Kai really admired Bonnie. He might have actually been jealous of Damon, seeing their friendship and craving Bonnie’s attention that was directed more to Damon than to him. To hear the evil things Damon has done and Bonnie quickly forgiving him. Kai might have wanted someone to do the same for him. Sadly, no one did. I don’t think Kai wanted to be more like Bonnie; I think he wanted to have someone like Bonnie in his life. 

Bonnie got some really interesting development in season 6 because of Kai. It’s sad that it was all for nothing and just showed hints of her potential that the writers spend years wasting. Also, Bonkai could have easily been a power couple on this fucking show.

[ladyalienist]

So what happened yesterday is that I posted a rant about fatphobia in radical feminist spaces. And today I woke up finding some notes, some I had already seen yesterday but I didn't bother to reply, which I deeply regret.

Yes because I would like to offer a shoutout to that one single person who reblogged it with a series of tags that proved the point, but sadly some hours later she changed her mind and erased the tags, thus forbidding me to offer her the attention she clearly deserved. I managed to take one look at them and they were along the lines of "you're a lazy and not feminist dipshit", so luckily the concept of such a profound insight has not gotten entirely lost, even if the poetics of the wording has. Food for thought, my ladies, food for thought!

However, another reply I managed to save:

@september-morning-butch I hope you don't mind me making another post to reply to your insight, which I indeed found fascinating.

See... I find it fascinating that you automatically assumed I never once in my life spoke to a sporty person.

I was a sporty person. Some posts earlier I wrote about the sports I've tried and sometimes kept on doing for years, and since I am human and I live in a society, I also have had interaction with fitness enthusiasts, coaches and casual sporty human beings. Most of my friends hit the gym on the regular or practice some other kind of physical activity. When I have spare time I, too, do so.

Maybe I should have asked more expert sporty people. Like this man, for instance. Or this woman. Or, why not, this guy. The list goes on, and on, and on: maybe not every sport enthusiast will tell me the same things.

I find it also fascinating that you assume I do not know the criteria for a diet to be actually working. Do you by any chance think that fat people do not ever try to go on diets, or that I, personally, did never try? Because I did.

And now I will share with you what usually happens when Average Jane, who just needs to keep off those 10 kilos and then she's fine, goes on a diet-and-gym-new-lifestyle:

Average Jane decides to go to a nutritionist, who will (usually) tell her to cut all processed foods, all sugars and most carbs and invest on proteins. She then will subscribe to the gym and receive her personalized (which is usually just a standard one but let's not become too pedantic) programme. She starts the next day, full of good intentions. At first she's enthusiastic: she's finally losing those ugly ugly fat rolls! She will be in shape! Her lifestyle will be healthy and good, no more food guilt! Then, usually after a month or two, she starts noticing that the weight loss is slowing down and she's stabilizing somewhere that's not her ideal weight. Let's say she wants to weigh 50 kilos: she weighs 55 and can't seem to go under. At the same time, gym is getting increasingly tiring and she's starting to crave sugar and carbs, she dreams of full plates at night, every waking moment is spent in food obsessing. At some point she'll either understand that she needs to restrict more, and then more, and then more, in order to keep those rolls off herself, and I don't know how to tell you that this is usually called an eating disorder, or she'll give up and order takeaway one evening, gulp it down, immediately feel better, and in a year she'll have all of her previous fat back on, plus some more in most cases. Two months after she decides that after all it wasn't that bad, and goes back to the nutritionist and to the gym and the cycle restarts. This is called yo-yo dieting and it's far, far more dangerous for health than just staying fat and eating balanced meals.

Now, am I being catastrophic? A little. But I'm not making this up, I'm paraphrasing words from at least one trainer who bragged about her own weight loss journey and how she had spent the last few years never enjoying a social gathering because she cannot deviate from her diet in any way. Not so different from what you told me, but she was totally bragging about... being miserable during celebrations. How is this in any way good for her?

Does this mean "go get stuffed on McDonald's"? Absolutely not. Following a healthy lifestyle and a good diet and exercise regimen is essential! And it's true that sometimes lifestyle changes can and will do wonders for your body! You could cut off McDonald's for anticapitalistic/antispecistic reasons and realize you're losing weight, and that's amazing! However, that's not how most people work and I don't know how to tell you that being constantly hungry because "that's my new lifestyle and I need to keep the weight down" is not healthy in the slightest!

You were unlucky, living with an ugly disorder that requires loads of attention. I understand this and I fully see where you're coming from. Making eating choices that are good for our health sometimes is a hard path that requires willpower, and I am not saying that it doesn't do wonders and that your life quality doesn't improve a lot when you manage it.

But framing the "not working-ness" of dieting as a matter of willpower and basically saying that the only reason they don't is that fat people are not enthusiastic enough about their health... is again re-framing that you think fatness=laziness and moral failure.

So thank you for expressing your point of view in an articulated way instead of just hurling insults, but my point still stands.

[venteamocha]

I've seen @nellplays talk about the @attollo game, and I've had it in my to-play list for SO LONG and I'm finally playing it and I decided to do a live post because I never have and I want to and I hope it will be fun to read.

Main review:

Very well written and beautifully descriptive. I could SMELL those locations and for some of them it was more pleasant than others.

Someone brought up that it was confusing a while back and the only thing I found confusing was some of the time shifts. For some reason I thought we were in the same time period when we got the candy and it went to the sibling, I thought we'd just left the shop and gone back and the trip had just been skipped, and then suddenly we were back in the shop and it was clarified that the sibling stuff was in the past. I'm adhd though, so attention is an issue and this could be a me thing?

My MC:

And now the babbling!

Prologue

An Iron FOREST!? That is BADASS!! Okay there are no other options. Do the trees bleed rust when it rains?? Do they rust??

THE MAYOR HAD IT BUILT?? On the one hand he did a cool thing but on the other this guy immediately made me think Anish Kapoor with his big metal bean.

Ah yeah mayor is fantasy Bezos and his Amazon doesn't deliver.

Take the road less travelled by, maybe I can get this guy killed the way I'd die if this were me.

WHAT.... is your name? WHAT... is your favourite color?

We're going to Wonderland!!

Chapter 1

"Naturally, your car had been working until you actually needed it." OH GOD WHAT A MOOD.

I never had a tire iron. I'm a clown. 🤡😆

"America's equivalent to the CAA" 😆 A fellow Canadian, eh???

The vantablack joke!! When will our hero Stewart Semple save us?

My super size drink is my ridiculous trenti drink from Starbucks with almost enough sugary caffeine and milk to drown an infant in.

T o u c h t h e s l i m e. What's the worst that can happen? You get a weird disease that makes your hand fall off? You'll have a great story to tell!

Ahh yes my purpose. My destiny. Eating slime off a fantasy 7/11 ice box. I hear it calling to me and the sound is like the screech of a sugar high toddler in a McDonalds.

Teenager: I've been stoned before but this person is on stuff I can only dream of. Minimum wage won't be enough for me to save them from themself.

Maltazers! Cryptocurrency! This fantasy 7/11 has it all!

I took it because I'm a bad person. Wait, no! I'm sticking it to the man!! Yeah!! Fuck 7/11 and their week old hot dogs!! This is why I crave ice box slime!!

"Indescribable fear of the rolling stones" JSDHDJS let this be about the band

I have some Canadian Tire money wedged in my purse 😔

All convenience stores are liminal spaces imo

If I get a sudden urge to lick this 7/11's toilet I will get very sick but I'll do it because I'm a monster.

A GLORY HOLE FDJDDUJSKSAAOAJ

NO I REJECT THESE CHOICES I'M TAKING A PEN AND WRITING A NEW ONE ON MY PHONE SCREEN MYSELF-

OH GOD IT'S A VOID HOLE IT'S A CTHULHU GLORY HOLE THIS 7/11 IS FOR MONSTER FUCKERS

"The hole releases its grip on you" I'm gonna have this phrase pop up in the depths of my brainmeats someday and it will make me twitch like a chihuahua

The insane void hole not only dropped me on a Florida beach, it also broke my phone? Man, fuck these eldritch abominations.

Back to the city before I really do get eaten by Cthulhu or something similar.

*You have acquired a knife and are now officially a thief*

Toto, we ain't in Kansas anymore.

Sysba 😳

Ice boxes are gonna be poor Quinn's (my mc) trauma, I can tell.

H-humans became angler fish... I...

Flock of birds?? My face when I'm reading all this: 😯

It's my seat now. I will live and die here.

Love the sexuality options!

"You're not into sex or romance and this man affirms your decision" Love this tea 😌

Sadly I'm attracted to trash and ice box slime so he has a chance with me.

Ah, I'm finally a real writer 😢

Ugh, I think I'm gonna end up playing Sylvester's route 😔

"They're from the outside" gave me some bad tingles 😯

Haha yeah I can't be harmed, I'm the mc! And also, uh, don't like death, especially my own.

Haha I got arrested- OH JESUS CHRIST THIS IS LIKE THAT STEPHEN KING STORY THE MIST OH GOD I'M GONNA GET EATEN IN ONE BITE LIKE THAT DUDE FROM JURASSIC PARK AND GOD I MADE TWO REFERENCES FROM ONE SCENE WHAT AM I DOING

MORE SLIME

I never get to eat the slime. I'm like a baby doing its best to eat some glue but my mom keeps yanking me away at the last minute.

We're going where?