#and replied because I'm an idiot and I feel like I've proved my point and I am done with that interaction idc if he replies more

[sweetheartdecay]

trapped together

during a field training exercise, katsuki bakugo and you find yourselves trapped in a collapsed building. forced to rely on each other for survival, you both confront your deepest fears and discover unexpected feelings.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

you groaned as you slowly regained consciousness, your head throbbing from the impact. dust and debris filled the air, making it hard to breathe. as your vision cleared, you realized you were in a dark, confined space with rubble all around. panic began to set in until you heard a familiar, gruff voice.

"oi, you alive?" bakugo's voice was harsh, but there was an underlying concern that you couldn't ignore.

"yeah, i'm okay," you replied, your voice shaky. "where are we?"

"building collapsed during the exercise. we're stuck," he said bluntly. "you hurt?"

you took a moment to assess yourself. apart from a few scratches and bruises, you seemed to be relatively unharmed. "i'm fine.. what about you?"

"just a few scratches. i've had worse," he grumbled. "we need to find a way out of here."

you nodded, even though he couldn't see you in the darkness. you both started moving, trying to clear some of the debris. after a few minutes of working in silence, you realized it was going to take a while to get out.

"bakugo," you said, breaking the silence. "do you think anyone knows we're here?"

"they better," he muttered. "otherwise, i'll blow my way out and take down half the school with me."

despite the situation, you couldn't help but chuckle. "classic bakugo."

he paused for a moment, and you could almost feel his eyes on you. "why are you laughing, idiot? This isn't funny."

"I know," you said, your voice softening. "it's just… we're stuck here, and you're still the same. it's comforting, in a way."

"hmph," he grunted, but you noticed a slight change in his tone. "just keep working. we'll get out of here."

hours passed, and the two of you worked tirelessly, but progress was slow. you could feel your energy waning, and bakugo seemed to notice.

"take a break," he ordered. "you're no good to me if you pass out."

you sat down, leaning against a piece of debris. bakugo joined you, sitting close enough that you could feel the warmth radiating from him. the silence between you was heavy, but not uncomfortable.

"hey, bakugo," you said quietly. "can I ask you something?"

"what?" he replied, his voice softer than usual.

"why do you push yourself so hard? i mean, you're already one of the strongest in our class, but you always act like you have something to prove."

he was silent for a long moment before he finally spoke. "because i do. i have to be the best. if I'm not, then what's the point?"

you looked at him, surprised by his honesty. "but you already are amazing. everyone knows that."

"not good enough," he said, his voice almost a whisper. "not until everyone acknowledges it."

you reached out and placed a hand on his arm, giving it a reassuring squeeze. "i acknowledge it. you're incredible, bakugo."

he turned to look at you, his eyes searching yours. for a moment, the fierce determination in his gaze softened, replaced by something more vulnerable. "thanks," he muttered, almost reluctantly.

you both sat there for a while, the silence now filled with a newfound understanding. eventually, bakugo stood up, offering you his hand.

"come on," he said, pulling you to your feet. "let's get out of here."

you nodded, feeling a surge of determination. together, you continued to clear the rubble, your movements more synchronized now. it was as if the bond you had formed in those moments of vulnerability had made you stronger.

hours later, you finally saw a glimmer of light. with renewed energy, you and bakugo pushed through the last of the debris, emerging into the open air. rescue teams were already there, and your classmates cheered as you both stumbled out.

"about time," bakugo grumbled, but there was a small, rare smile on his face as he looked at you.

"yeah," you agreed, smiling back. "we made it."

as you both got checked by the medics, you couldn't help but feel that something had changed between you. being trapped together had forced you to confront your fears and rely on each other in ways you hadn't expected. and in that darkness, you had found a light. one that shone even brighter than before.

maybe, just maybe, you and bakugo were stronger together.

[felidaefighter]

What "I Love You" Means

DNF RPF ficlet thingy to sum up my own feelings on the matter. Dream GF mention, Arospec George, Happy Ending !!!!!

George couldn't bring himself to say it.

Not on stream, not in front of everyone. Because-- because they would know it was true.

But they wouldn't understand the way it was true.

Nobody seemed to.

He and Dream had talked about it once, over call in discord, a long time ago. "I don't feel that way toward anyone," George had explained, feeling guilty-- always guilty, that little feeling. That little fact. "I've never-- I can't fall in love with anyone." Even if he wished he could. Even if he knew that in being this way, he couldn't be with Dream, not the way either of them wanted.

"But you do love me," Dream had asked, clarifying, but warmth in his voice, that felt like coming home, that felt like how cats probably feel when they lay in a sunbeam.

"I do love you," George had clarified. Obviously.

"Then it doesn't-- it doesn't matter if you love me that way or not. You still love me. I still get to have you in my life."

"But--!" George had protested, frustrated. How did Dream not get it? "But I don't love you the way you love me!"

And Dream's voice, again, still warm, making George's chest ache-- "You don't have to! I don't need you to, George. You're perfect the way you are. Look, just, come to america, come live with me. I want you with me, I don't care what-- I don't care what that looks like, or like, what form it takes or whatever. You're important to me. I need you in my life, George, please."

Well, what could George say to that? "Obviously I'm coming to america and living with you. That was never a question. Don't be an idiot."

Dream laughs, wheezes a little. "Okay well good! Good. We're on the same page then, alright. It doesn't matter how you love me. You love me. And you're coming to america to live with me, so-- so there!"

"Alright, so there!"

"So there."

—

And now here they were, living in the same house. Dream's heart seemed to be too big to keep inside, always ready to burst open from how full of love he was. He was dating this girl, now, and George had met her, she was nice. And-- even knowing how big Dream's heart was, he was worried. Worried that his love hadn't been enough, because it hadn't been romantic. 

So he asked.

"George!" Dream had replied, instantly. "Georrrrggge. Of course I still love you, don't be an idiot. You're my best friend, you're perfect the way you are. I can love you at the same time as I love my girlfriend, alright, I promise that doesn't change anything."

"So she's not, like, better than me because she can love you back," George had asked-- it wasn't passive-aggressive. It was his way of requesting clarification. Needing that answer, out loud, said to him. Just so he would know. Just so he could be sure.

Dream seemed confused. "What do you mean? You love me back."

"Well… yeah… but not like that."

"I feel like we've talked about this before, like, George-- you don't have to love me like that. I don't need you to. You love me plenty, alright, I mean you put my cologne on your--"

"Okay shut up--" He was getting flustered. Embarrassed.

"You PUT my COLOGNE on your HOODIE--" Dream continued, loud and obnoxious, proving a point.

"Listen--"

"No no, no you listen! I love you, George. And you love me too. I know you do. We don't have to, fuckin, I dunno, have s-- have--" He was laughing too hard to get the sentence out.

"Shut up, idiot! Shut up! No, we-- haha! No! Okay, fine. Fine! You're right. We don't have to do anything."

"Exactly!" Dream managed to blurt out, composing himself. "Exactly. You don't have to, what, like prove anything." His voice was doing that thing where he was disgusted at the very concept. It was endearing.

"Alright, fine! Fine, I get your point."

"Yeah, so, you're welcome. I love you."

Dream looked at George expectantly. George rolled his eyes.

"Alright, whatever, I love you too. Now-- now go make out with your girlfriend or whatever."

They started bickering and laughing, the way they always did. There was nothing to worry about. George's love may have been different, but it was still enough. And Dream had more than enough love to go around.

[starleska]

Huzzah! Art Fight nears its end, I think. I have survived! As have you!…I hope. I’m pretty sure you survived. <3 I know a lot happened there, but we both did ArtFight stuff! You did stuff! I did stuff! You fought hard! Idk if you’re doing any better or worse than before, and idk if you feel bad about any kind of inactivity, but there’s no need to! You’re alive and that’s what matters! If you want or need to take time away a little longer, you can take as much as you need! I’m sure we all love you and will be here when you’re ready <3

Also, since the “war” is over, or ending, we can go back to drawing whatever we want of whatever quality forever again without any pressure or self-imposed pressure to draw something else goodly! Woe! Art be upon ye!

(…I couldn’t remember where I saw your full lil persona before so I’ve been referencing your tumblr pfp and ArtFight pfp and going by memory sorry-)

…love toaster quality art…Ig that proves my point! Though sending this to myself on discord and screenshotting it may not be a good idea…post art fight delirium my beloved. uh let me just-

SCREAMING!!!! okay okay i have been mulling over how to reply to this for days because i was so just. delighted and overwhelmed with this little blorbo-processing universe you've invented for us!!!! F/O Inc...oh man, what a delightful place to work!!! that really is what it feels like logging into Tumblr Dot Com to yell about some new idiot 😂💖💖💖

but now i'm thinking...what exactly are our jobs? do we do fieldwork? certainly you and i are collectors of f/os, hunting down potential obscure characters for people to get obsessed with...what's the corporate hierarchy here? are our clients other selfshippers, or are they the f/os themselves? i'm cracking up at the idea of it being like one of those matchmaking dating services crossed with a crime drama...Ace Attorney style, people bringing in their woes and desperately hunting for an f/o who'll match them perfectly...!!! 😂😂😂 Client, visibly sweating: "Gosh, I-I never usually do this sort of thing, but...it's been so lonely on my dash recently, and I...I was wondering if you had any new, um...Tumblr Sexymen...to recommend?" You, chain-smoking cigarettes with three hanging out of your mouth: "Sweetheart, you've come to the right place. Take a look at these puppies." You yank a thick file from your drawer and slap it down, open, on the desk. "Now, keep an open mind, toots...but you ever hear about this Once-ler fella?" all of the DETAILS in this art are killing me 🙈🙈🙈 your countless cups of coffee, as if you've been trying to cope with the new freaks i've brought into the office 😭💖💖 the little Employee of the Month photo too, oh my gosh!!! i'm honoured :3c and oh my god the TINY Piers, Ramón and Maxime...!!!!!! FUCK the second i get a new laptop and can draw again i need to add to this universe, thank you for coming up with something so brilliant 🥺💖💖💖 accepting new hires for F/O Inc. today! 😉 and HUGE CONGRATULATIONS TO YOU FOR GETTING TO THE END OF ARTFIGHT FRIEND!!!! 😭💖💖💖 so sorry that July decided to kick me in the metaphorical nuts and i wasn't able to attack you back, but THANK YOU SO MUCH for the wonderful art you made me which i treasure so much 🙈💖💖💖 shortly i'll be compiling all the lovely art i received into a little chart, and i can't wait to show off your work!!! i owe you big time 😉 thank you as well for such a lovely pep talk and all the niceness you've thrown my way 🫂 of course i do feel a bit guilty about needing to take a step back and being so open about the burnout, but it's been a busy month for all of us, haven't it? i think August is going to be really nice and fun :3c anyway this is kickass and i'm so glad to be your colleague at F/O Inc. bahahaha 🤣🤣🤣🤣

[criolla-star]

Overwhelmed(Vinny x Garmadon)part24

(I suggest you check out part 1-23 if you haven't already)

(haijhajhjhsjaj HERE'S ANOTHER PART BECAUSE I LOVE YOU GUYS I KNOW I REALLYS SHOULDN'T BE DOING THIS BUT I CAN'T RESIST MYSELF)

Garmadon got up, "Thank you brother" he said as he stretched. "I'm always here to listen to you brother, try not to overthink about Vinny too much" Wu replied as his brother left. The oni walked around wondering what to do mainly due to the fact Vinny wanted some space. "Maybe I can find Lloyd" Garmadon thought as he began looking for his son.

(With Nya and Vinny) "Soooo..?" Nya said, "Sooo....?"a confused Vinny replied. The water ninja let out a sigh, "How was it?" Nya asked hearing this made Vinny blush as he remembered more about the events last night with Garmadon. "Well it was good..." the cameraman said embarrassingly to Nya making her burst out laughing. "Not gonna lie...I can see why he gets along with you though" the water ninja said, "Hmm? You can? And why is that?" Vinny asked as he took a sip of the chamomile tea she made for his lost voice.

"You're a really nice guy and from what I see you get along with everyone...hey I'm wondering how did any of your friends react to finding out Garmadon was your roommate?" Nya asked curiously as she scrolled through her phones texting Jay about their date tomorrow. "Friends? Oh no I honestly don't really hang out with people that I don't have someone I'm connected to" Vinny chuckled out, hearing this the water ninja stared at him, "That...is the most unbelievable thing I've heard how can you not have any friends?" Nya asked dumbfounded, "I-I never said I didn't have friends" the cameraman said trying to make himself not seem like a loner. "Do you have friends?" Nya asked, "Not really" Vinny said as realisation hit him, "Damn! I really am a loner!" the cameraman yelled out, "SHHH not yelling, you're gonna strain your voice more" Nya said "And you just made my point" she added.

Vinny smiled awkwardly, "But when some of the people at my work place found out they were weirded out and said...things..." Vinny said his voice becoming quieter. Hearing this made Nya feel really bad, "Well forget them! They don't know the first thing about you or Garmadon!" Nya said out trying to comfort Vinny. "And honestly when I was a kid me and my brother didn't have much friends most of the kids found it weird we didn't have parents, but...I'm happy now that I know they're safe and they left to protect us" Nya said, Vinny smiled, "Honestly I guess the closest I've had to a friend is Gayle and I barely get along with her" the cameraman said.

"So did they just find you weird when they found out Garmadon was living with you" Nya asked she was a little more hesitant with the questions not wanting to get into anything to personal. "Not really...most of them found me weird to begin with but when they found about Garmadon I guess it just proved them right" Vinny responded. "Hah! Well sucks to be them your boyfriend is now Garmadon, I bet if he found about them talking shit about you he would kill them, so don't you dare listen to them they're idiots you're anything but weird" Nya said, "Yea...I guess Garm would do that for me...but I haven't told him about any of this and I don't plan to, I don't want him thinking he's the reason I'm thought to be weird or anything he usually takes things the wrong way and thinks I'm angry or upset at him..." Vinny said as he drank more tea.

"Well then if you won't tell him you're always free to talk to me about any problems, I know what it's like to be thought to be different, when I first became a ninja everyone thought it was weird and that I was weird but I ignored them and kept pushing and just like you I got together with the love of my life, Jay." Nya said hearing this made the cameraman feel way better, "Yea I guess..." Vinny said, Nya let out a sigh, "Well that's enough sad talk how about I go get Garmadon for you, you look like you want him" the water ninja chuckled out earning a nod from Vinny.

Nya left the room leaving Vinny alone with his thoughts.

(wooooo hope you enjoy of course I gave you another part)

[thoughtsaladblog]

Crying in a Cafe

Is this the result of PMS or is it because I've somehow been reduced to a lunatic who's crying over a narcissist I met a few months ago. Talk about going for a guy who's like your father! I thought I avoid men with qualities like my father like the plague and somehow here I am, crying in a cafe because of a damn narcissist.

I keep running in the same circle, waiting for him to call, sending him some lame meaningless message in the hopes he would reply and then being disappointed when he falls short of my expectations. But then he calls and I talk and I enjoy that little bit of grace he gives me, and I'm back at square one. Trust me, when I say, I'm disgusted by how pathetic I am.

It's always the same, I fall for an idiot, believing them to be half decent and then I realise they aren't, but I somehow can't wrap my mind around that obvious reality. So I run around in circles, trying to prove my own gut wrong. The thing with Morally Grey was honestly that we connected on a level that I haven't connected with anyone else before- at least not since Chonil. And to say this fucked with me is an understatement. Suddenly I was all excited and ready to give him a chance- I wanted more of that feeling of being understood and being able to be my true self with someone...It had been so long since I was able to do that. And that's exactly why this crash and burn is fucking with my head in this way.

But I think I'm stuck on an image of a person who no longer exists- either because they never did and all that was shown was a farce, or because he has since changed. Either way, dude's not the same but I'm hung up on the dude I spent hours talking to in December. I need to come to terms with the fact that he isn't real and probably never was.

But also, this could be a good eye-opener for the red flags which I so conveniently ignored, simply because I enjoyed our conversations. Suddenly his narcissistic traits, wrapped in that glittering veil of misogyny are looming large and it's becoming harder to ignore... Not to mention the fact that, the dude seems to be stuck in a Peter Pan Syndrome.

The truth is, I see all this and know all this- as I always do when it comes to men- but the more glaring truth is my stupid inability to come to terms with it. I sit and make excuses while pining over what is clearly a work of fiction. If only I could have this reality blinking in front of me in large red block letters, every time I think of dialing up the pathetic and texting him first or calling him, or worse yet, obsessing over him. A good slap on the face every time any one of these takes place, would certainly do the trick... I wonder who I can put in charge of it?

The more sensible solution is to distract myself to the point where I forget- and mixology lessons are sounding fun... but one look at the crowd that enrolls has my obnoxious, and high strung personality cringing. I know, I know.. I need to be taken down a peg or two. Orrrr... I just go there and do what I gotta do for two months and get my ass out of there... and hopefully to Aussie or somewhere where I can meet people who fit into my circle? I guess time will tell.

[felixvanhuss]

God I hate RSD. Hate feeling so small and guilty and Bad over dunking on someone who absolutely deserved it

[throped]

Never Glory - Chapter 4

Tom Riddle x reader

TW: blood, gore, death and all that stuff

As I gaped at the giant structure in front of me, I realized how much it had changed since the last time I had been here. It was quite the sight to say the least. 

"Come on, lets go!" Molly spoke as Lily and I followed behind her. "So Daena, do you like our school so far?" Lily asked. "Of course, I love it! It feels like I've been here so long!" I exclaimed, feeling optimistic about this year. This is only my second time but I feel that this year will go by smoothly. 

Molly and Lily told me that they that they were headed for the Great Hall as I needed to go to Headmaster Dippet to get sorted into my house. I waved goodbye and headed the direction the Headmaster's office was in. I remember this place like it was yesterday. 

I finally ended up reaching Headmaster Dippet's office and slowly opened the doors and saw an old man sitting on a large armchair. He suddenly stood up while I watched and smiled at him. This must be Headmaster Dippet. I had never personally met him so I had to make a good first impression.

"Ah you must be Daena L/N, we've been expecting you. I'm Headmaster Dippet," Headmaster Dippet spoke. "Yes, that's me, Daena L/N" I said, having my 'name' smoothly slip out of my tongue. "We have got your books and have a schedule sorted out depending on your house," the Headmaster said, "now if you don't mind, we'll put the sorting hat on you to decide your house. There is Gryffindor, Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw and Slytherin. The hat decides where you'll belong."

"Of course, Sir," I replied with while grinning. Headmaster Dippet grabbed the sorting hat from a shelf and placed it upon my head.

"Ah, L/N I see, there is quite a future awaiting you. You have a knack for hiding secrets I can tell, especially now Daena L/N," the sorting hat mentioned. I gulped, knowing that the hat knows my real name. I just hope it doesn't say it out loud. 

"You are definitely brave and courageous. Would I see you in a library reading books that peak your interest? Yes, that is definite. But patience is not one of your virtues. Although, I see that you are cunning to prove yourself and ambitious. You'll do anything to get to your goal. So perhaps, the best place to put you in is SLYTHERIN!" The sorting hate howled. 

Great, Slytherin. I actually kind of like that though. Means I've changed these past few centuries. I do wish upon a star that maybe I'll find the love of my life here. Not likely though. I smiled at Headmaster Dippet and said, "well, guess I'm in Slytherin." 

"I assure you that Slytherin is a great house for you and if you do happen to have any questions, please do not hesitate to ask me or the teachers," Headmaster Dippet said, sensing some worry in me even though there was not. "Of course, I will. Thank you, Sir," I said, smiling once again. "Great, that's all. Now our Slytherin prefect, Mr. Riddle, will assign you your dorm and pass you your schedule. He should be in the Slytherin common room. You may leave now," Dippet said. I nodded and walked out of his office. 

Now I needed to find Riddle and ask him where my freaking dorm is. Goodness. I wouldn't see Lily and Molly since dinner is probably nearly over and there is simply no point on going to the Great Hall anymore. So I headed to the Slytherin common room to find Riddle.

The name 'Riddle' suddenly clicked to me. Isn't that the name the girls in my compartment were talking about? I hope not, because that would mean that those girls were in Slytherin which would cause a little trouble for me. 

As I reached the entrance, I realized that I had forgotten to ask Headmaster Dippet the common room password. I'm such an idiot, I thought to myself. Merlin, I guess I'll just have to stay here now. I leaned against the frame of the portrait sighing, waiting for someone to come in or out. As I was taking in the surroundings, my eyes fell upon a word that was engraved on the side of the opposite portrait I was leaning on. "Pureblood?" I said out loud as I read off the engraving. 

To my surprise, the frame opened and revealed what I assumed the Slytherin common room was. Hm, better keep 'pureblood' in mind. 

I looked around to see green sofas and a fireplace in the far middle of the rom. To be honest, this is better than the Gryffindor common room. Maybe it was more my style. I really couldn't say. Just as I was taking in my surroundings, a creak could be heard behind me and there stood a tall brunette boy.

I turned around and looked at a bag on his cloak that said 'Tom Riddle'. Well, I guess this is who Headmaster Dippet was referring to. The brunette looked at me as though he was mad someone was in here. "Are you Tom Riddle?" I asked, furrowing my eyebrows.

"Yes. Now if you don't mind, I would like for leave the common room and go back to the Great Hall," his monotone voice spoke. So much for trying to be nice, I thought. I let out a scoff and said, "well, if YOU don't mind, Headmaster Dippet asked me to talk to you about my dorm and schedule. I'm Daena L/N, I transferred from Ilvermorny," I said, returning the same tone he spoke in. 

"I see, Headmaster did tell me that a new student must be attended to. But he also said that he did not tell you the common room password and for me to provide it for you. So I have to ask, how did you get in?" Riddle questioned. 

"You see, some bloody idiot carved the password out on the side of the frame so I didn't do anything illegal if that's what you're trying to ask me," I said, assuming the worst of what he could've thought. He paused while nodding his head, probably noting how observant I was. Didn't say much did he? But he was definitely charming. I could see that he was quite snobbish though. And rude. 

"I would appreciate it if you would show me to my dorm now," I calmly spoke. He weirdly eyed me as I walked near the side of the common room that said 'girls'. What? Was he expecting me to swoon over him or something? Certainly not. Not yet at least-

"Right. You are in dorm 3 and you share it with four other girls. Here is your schedule," Riddle said as he handed me a paper. I mustered up a small smile and watched him exit the common room.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

These chapters are DEFINTELY going to get edited sooner or later so yeah. This is a story where he will have to get used to you and slowly but surely fall in love. I really don't enjoy stories where someone falls for someone and suddenly changes their way. THIS IS A SELF INTEREST BY THE WAY, "Daena" is simple an ALAIS (another name). Trust me, Y/N will be used after you/she decides that it is time to reveal it to her friends and Riddle.

Thanks for reading! 

[pebblysand]

[on arseholes on the internet]

i received an ask this morning which i rage-deleted but upon reflexion, i've decided to address it.

this ask was from the person with whom i argued in the comments section of castles yesterday.

context:

now, if you don't have the context, feel free to check it out, but i also don't want to shed more light on this stupidly silly debate on the canon-ness of castles itself - i already feel bad that i spent a day (and a half, now) addressing this person's comments when i already have a backlog half a dozen asks and about 20 comments in my queue. it gives the impression that arseholes (yes, i will come back to this word in a minute) are more deserving of my time than people who are genuine and kind, which is obviously not right. however, on the other hand, there are things that need to be said, here, so i'm going to give this another hour of my time, before forever putting it to rest.

first, i want to state for the record that the ask this person sent was polite, in the way that there were no insults or name-calling. they were simply annoyed that i called them an idiot and an arsehole on here (rightfully claiming that they never called me names) and that i blocked them on ao3. they explained that they'd apologised, that they never meant to be rude (their initial message would have sounded different in their native language), that they had tried to bow out of the conversation a number of times, and that i was the one who'd kept it going.

now, i'm not going to re-do yesterday's match. their first message was terribly rude, called a detail in castles "unforgivable" and "wrong on so many levels" - i think that's pretty plain to see. i also think it's pretty clear that they then decided to engage in an intense nit-picking exercise of everything i said, determined as they were to prove to me that i got canon wrong. their tone and messages were of the kind where as an author, if you don't respond, it looks like you're refusing to address criticism and if you do respond, you continue to feed the behaviour, so either way - you can't get it right. i chose to respond, and am again choosing to respond here, for reasons i will explain below.

my tl;dr point:

the reason i chose to respond, and the reason i am writing this post today is this: i am so sick and so tired of people getting away with shitty behaviour on the internet, without facing the consequences of their actions. i am sick and tired of people saying rude things and getting away with excuses such as "english isn't my native language" or "i didn't mean to be rude." i am so sick and tired of people saying: you don't get to call me an arsehole because i didn't call you one. as i said in one of my replies yesterday: "you mean this aggressively and thus, get responses that fit your energy."

more details on my point:

the thing is: english isn't my native language either. additionally, i am french, a country in which social conventions as to rudeness are very different to the english speaking world. yet, i have never, in my life, displayed the kind of behaviour that this user displayed yesterday. i have received plenty of critical comments and asks about castles, and have never felt the need to block someone. to take an hp example, as i've always said: fleur isn't rude because of her behaviour itself, which would be quite acceptable in france. she's rude because she refuses to adapt and listen to the social conventions and cues of the place she is in. this is a little bit of the same problem.

let me tell you: i agonised yesterday over the decision of blocking this user. that is because as i said to some of you in private, i know castles is controversial, i know it needs to be discussed, and i never want to be seen as stifling the conversation or refusing to take criticism because i think criticism and dissent is the cornerstone of our society. i don't think it's wise or healthy for me as a person to create my own little kingdom where everyone agrees with me, and everyone thinks i'm "the shit," blocking out everyone else. sure, my ego would be pleased, but we already exist in most aspects of our lives in such a strong environment of confirmation bias that i would never purposefully seek to make it worse. dissent is tough, especially on a work where you've poured your heart and soul in for years, i'm not going to deny that - but it is necessary to us as humans, living in a functional society. at least, it is to me. this is why i always respond to all of my comments, even the critical ones, and why i encourage you to tell me if something in my fics sounds insensitive or wrong to you. i don't necessarily like it. and yes, i find criticism crushing. but, we are dealing with pretty delicate topics, and i accept that there are other voices than mine, in this debate. it can be hard, but it is necessary.

however, there seems to be a subset of readers on the internet who increasingly view fanfic writers as influencers, or professional content creators, which we are not. because, majorly, we are not paid for the work we do. and yes, this matters. because, what makes criticism in an actual job fair, what justifies a certain degree of expected perfection, is financial compensation. in the world that we live in, which is (for better or for worse) a capitalist hellscape, time is money. and, as i am not being paid, i do not have the time to take this fic to a degree of perfection that i would, if i were. and i do not have the time to deal with nit-picking and rudeness in the same way i would if this was my full-time job. to give you an example: in order to finish this last batch of castles chapters, i have already been working almost all of my weekends, for the past three months. for the past six weeks, i have been either going to bed or waking up at 5 AM multiple times a week. all the time that i'm spending writing this post this morning, i will pay for tonight by having to work overtime to do what i need to do with castles. and, yes, of course, it's a hobby. of course, i enjoy it. of course, it is my choice. but that does not mean it is not work. and, if i could charge for this work, perhaps i wouldn't have to wake up early, or work nights as well as days, because this would be my full-time job. and, if this was my job, i would perhaps have more hours to devote to canon-checking, which seemed to be the major issue, here.

so, when commenters come at fic writers nit-picking through our work and tearing apart everything we say/write: yes, it is rude. and, yes, we have a right to be offended. because, your refusal to tolerate a healthy level of imperfection in a work that you consume for free frankly does my head in. the audacity you have to come into my comment section to argue with me on details also does my head in. for example, dear commenter, i will be honest (as i was yesterday) and say this: yes, i forgot that lucius malfoy was trying to break into the wizengamot in ootp. because, i am not paid to know the books by heart. and, i am not perfect. also, i don't care. this is so far from the bigger picture of the fic that you are miles away from the bloody frame. yet, i still gave you my time, on my irl work break, and gave you a very valid response on how i would make that work and yet still have castles function within the world of canon. you still refused to see light. this is not a polite discussion, anymore, it's an exercise in proving you are right.

because, i have to ask: what is the project, here? what is the end goal, if not to be rude? i don't believe you want me to change the fic, or at least you never said you did. this chapter that you are referring to is over six months old. you never said anything before. you didn't even comment on the chapter in question. this is not criticism with a point. this is not criticism to be constructive or better me as a human. this is criticism where, per your own admission, you read this blog, saw that i had put a lot of work in creating the wizarding justice system, and purposefully then came into my comments section to tell me: regardless of all the work you put in, here is this one detail you forgot. here's where i got you. here's where you're not good enough. this, on a work with which you have never interacted before (despite the fact that you've been reading my blog for months, it seems), and never said one positive thing about. and, you want me to just sit there and take it. you want me to accept it, send you flowers, and say: congratulations, you got me! this is not entirely compliant with the canon established by a series of books that are probably over 1, 000, 000 words long! 🥳 then, you tell me i don't get to call you an arsehole? i beg to differ. that is arsehole behaviour, and i will call it out.

which brings me to my last point: "you mean this aggressively and thus, get responses that fit your energy."

i have seen in the past few years (and this transcends fanfiction) a trend amongst most of us, saying: "don't feed the trolls." "don't respond, don't engage." plenty of people told me that yesterday, too. "they're just a troll, block them and move on." and, i don't blame them. i appreciate not everyone always has the energy to fight (and i definitely have let certain things slide in the past) all the time. but, not fighting this kind of behaviour, not calling it out, not responding to comments that clearly invite a response, allows people like this to continue to exist unchallenged and unchecked, under the pretext that it's the internet, and trolls are just trolls. i disagree. because, this user exhibiting this behaviour towards me is one thing. i'm a big girl, i can deal. but what if they go on the fic of a fifteen year old writer who's just starting out and do the same thing? what if they come at someone in my comments section sharing very personal details (as this has happened in the past), and go and question their experience? this conversation yesterday crushed my spirits. i didn't want to write anymore. and this is unfair to the dozens of other readers reading this fic. it's unfair to me. it's unfair to all the people who provided feedback/concrit in a much more polite and thoughtful way before this.

i hate this silencing culture that you shouldn't respond to hate, arseholes, or trolling behaviour on the internet. it only makes the victims feel more isolated, makes them question their own sanity, and allows this kind of behaviour to propagate. i'm not writing this post about this incident in particular, which is quite tame and only a fandom hiccup in the grand scheme of things, but about all the hate, and moronic behaviour that i see online, every day, that is just allowed to exist in our space. i hate this whole argument of: "well, i didn't mean to be rude," or, "well, i apologised." because unlike the catholic church, i don't think you can get away with being an arsehole just by apologising. being rude, then telling the person you were rude to that you didn't mean it like that, and that they have no right to call you an arsehole, invalidates their feelings. makes them feel like "well, this user didn't mean it rudely and thus, i'm overreacting. my reaction is the wrong one." that's gaslighting. and, it drives me fucking nuts.

never saying anything positive about a work, then showing up one random day to nit-pick flaws is arsehole behaviour. it's completely different from being a regular commenter, and reader, and pointing out a discrepancy, flaw, bad characterisation or treatment of a theme. i don't force people to comment or interact with me, of course, i understand some people just don't want to/don't feel comfortable, and that's their right. but, then, when you drop in with rudeness and criticism as a first interaction, you cannot reasonably believe it'll be well-received, especially when it's phrased argumentatively. (as i indicated in one of my responses yesterday, there were ways this question could have been worded much more respectfully.)

and, don't get me wrong, being an arsehole is a god-given right, but as i've said before, the hypocrisy of pretending you're not/didn't know/the author is overreacting is what does my head in. as a lawyer, i've been an arsehole to many people in the past, sometimes it's kind of my job, but i've always owned it. i've sometimes apologised for means of delivery, or context, but i've never been like "oh, i didn't mean it," cause of course i did. words are a weapon and you need to understand that using weapons generally triggers a right of retaliation. frankly, i'm kind of done with pretending it doesn't. engaging in arsehole behaviour triggers the unfortunate consequence of being called one. publicly. even if you didn't "mean" to be one.

so, to all of my fic writers friends out there: fight the arseholes. if you don't have the will/strength, just message me and i will do it for you. there's well-phrased, interesting and engaging concrit, and then there's this. as my lord and saviour lily allen says: "look me up and down, i don't make a sound, but if there's one thing i want you to learn is if you're gonna play with fire, then you're gonna get burnt."

with lots of love,

pebblysand.

[everyhowlmarksthedead]

big brother to the rescue.

BEN MILLER

TRIPLE FRONTIER. ┃ USEFUL LINKS.

❝ request by @meteora-fc: hello hello! hope you're doing well :) i was thinking about a ben miller fic where when they're in the bar towards the beginning the reader is there with her friends and the boys push benny to talk to her bc he's getting distracted from conversation by her across the place. thanks a ton 💖

❝ words: about 1.6k.

❝ a / n: if you'd like to read a second part, lemme know! don’t forget to comment and reblog if you liked it, i’d really appreciate it!

“C’mon, little brother. She’s been looking at you the whole night”. Will says palming his back, after catching him distracted for the third time.

“Go, before I do”. Frankie challenges him with a petty smile, knowing it’s going to be enough to force the boxer to take the step.

Taking a deep, deep breath, finding in that gesture the encouragement he needs, Benny goes straight to you, waiting for the bartender to serve you another beer.

At first, you don’t notice his presence, until the unknown guy stops by your side leaning too over the bar. You two cross your gazes, sharing a soft smile that makes your knees tremble. The blonde looks really good, but for some reason, you have the feeling that he could be an idiot, so when he throws at you one of those horrible pickup lines, you can’t help but roll your eyes.

“I’m gonna give you advice. Don’t hit a girl like that”. You just reply with a chuckle, referring to his words.

“I’m more into hitting men”.

For a second, where you were about to leave with your drink, you squint at him having a sip and trying to understand the meaning of his affirmation.

“I box, professionally”.

“Oh…” You nod your chin, puckering your lips, showing him that this fact doesn’t impress him at all. “Congrats. Good luck in your next fight”.

Not giving him the chance to continue the talk, you come back to your table under the attentive looks of your friends, who are laughing at the poor guy and the gesture on his face. His brothers, on the other hand, have slapped their faces whilst shaking their heads disappointed. As soon as Benny joins him, Santi slaps the back of his neck, causing him to choke in his beer.

“There must be something wrong with my eyes, ’cause I can’t take them off you? Really, Benny? Really?”

The guys are laughing when Pope repeats his sentence, as Will puts an arm over his shoulders. “You’re lucky to have me… Big brother to the rescue”.

Anna nudges you, making you turn on your stool to watch a second guy walking towards you, very secure of himself. The only thing you wanted tonight was to have fun with your friends and seems it’s not going to be an option. Crossing a leg over the other and nailing an elbow on the table, resting your chin on your palm, you force a smirk when he offers you a kind smile.

“Good nights, ladies, sorry to interrupt. William, a pleasure”.

The man holds your free hand without asking for it to stretch it. Firmly. Like only a soldier would do —as your father does. He turns for a second to his friends, laying his oceanic and hypnotic eyes on you with a charming and funny grimace on his face.

“Sorry ‘bout my brother, you know... too many punches”. He has captivated your friends, who are gasping for him and the honeyed tone he’s using, covered by a raspy voice. “He has watched you looking at him and he was nervous, but he’s not a bad guy. Just a little asshole. But he’s worth it, believe me”.

“Okay”. You reply slowly, raising an eyebrow earning your attention little by little.

“He has begged me to not come, but I think you’re too smart to not have a date with him”.

“Your brother was right, you didn’t have to come. And you’re wrong, more or less. I’m very smart, but having a date with him doesn’t seem a very intelligent idea”.

“Got it. But he’ll be waiting for you at seven in Kaleo’s, tomorrow night”. A negative it’s not an option to the soldier, showing you his perfect white teeth in a huge smile clapping his hands before leaving. “Good night, ladies. Have a good time”.

Since last night, you've been debating with your friends if you should go to the date just to prove both men were wrong. Lucy would call you crying if you text her in case the guy is another idiot.

The first test is to see if he'd wait for you, arriving thirty minutes later than the hour William told you. Your heart can't help but race a little when you find the blonde boxer sitting on the hood of a black Mustang, in front of the restaurant. Wearing a white t-shirt and black jeans, he has both legs crossed and his hands laced over his lap. Head bowed down and a sigh escaping his lips as he checks the clock on his wrist. Poor guy, he's thinking you are not going to come.

You send a picture of him to the chat group where your friends are asking you if he's still there and, in less than a second, you receive a bunch of heart emojis from all of them. Keeping your phone in a pocket, as you tuck in your hands too, you begin to walk towards him. Step by step. Taking your time with a soft smirk curving your lips as you come closer and closer. Watching him texting someone too, you roll your eyes, imagining it's to some random chick to hang out with, due you have stood him up. Until you're almost leaning above his shoulder and you see he's texting his brother —who is very interested in knowing if you're there or not. You melt as he replies: “amma wait another thirty minutes, maybe there's traffic”.

“You can say to your brother I'm here”. You whisper into his ear, taking him by surprise and causing the boxer to jump off from the hood.

“Oh, fuck. You scared the shit outta m— Where you readin' my phone?”

“Nah, I've some witch in me”. You lie terrible, feeling goosebumps on your arms when his gesture changes suddenly.

A grin like a Cheshire cat decorates his face, offering you his phone as he pressed the small microphone in the bottom right corner.

“Hey, big brother, I came. I hope you weren't wrong”.

“I'm Ben, by the way”. He introduces himself as keeping his phone in a pocket, to offer you his right hand.

“(Y/N)”. You stretch it then, feeling a little nervous at his touch.

“So, this is the plan. We have a beer, and if you think I'm a freak, you can run away before dinner. No questions, no explanations. You just… leave”.

God, that's really sweet. He's nervous too and you can see in his blue eyes how scared he is if you really decide to disappear.

“Deal”. You accept, tilting your head to the restaurant.

A couple of minutes later Ben is sitting in front of you and the first thing that captivates your attention is the fact that he doesn't put his phone on the table. Living in the technology era, everybody keeps an eye on their devices. Constantly. But he's not like everybody. He wants to talk. Know about you. What you do in your free time, what you do for a living, what unveils you at night… And you talk for hours.

Ben tells you what pushed him to be in the army, why he decided to dedicate his life to boxing and he also jokes about how you could fix him up after his fighting. Something like a plan of the future. Together. As friends —as he points out to not make you feel uncomfortable, thinking that he is forcing you to have a relationship. You also discover that your taste in music and movies are very similar, just like your hobbies. And that makes you think about the fact that William will tell you “I wasn't wrong”.

The boxer gladly takes you home, not stopping your chat even when one of the two of you doesn't know what to say, Benny has shown you in some way he enjoys too much the sound of your voice though —how it goes a little higher when you're excited about something, how your throat vibrates when you laugh. And he's falling in love with the disgusted tic that wrinkles your nose when you don't like something, in a funny gesture.

You would die for staying together a little more, but you have obligations to attend tomorrow and your friends haven't ceased sending your texts asking you how it's going. As Ben stops his car next to your house, you sigh not knowing what to do —if just say bye, thank you, ask for his number, kiss him? Yes, you'd like to kiss him right now, but what does it say about you? Should you wait until the second date?

“Got a fight tomorrow night if you're free”. His proposition pushes you back to reality, turning at him on your seat while resting a shoulder against it. “You can invite your friends, mine will be there”.

“Your brother too?” You ask giggling, noticing the change on his grimace to somewhat underwhelmed because of your interest.

“Yeah, he will come”. Ben mumbles pressing his lips after nodding briefly.

“Ugh… Is he the kind of person who has fun saying I told you?”

Ben's gesture suddenly changes again. The shine in his blue deep eyes reappears and you provoke him a strong laugh when you furrow your nose like he literally adores.

“You've had a good night then?”

“Yes”. You don't hesitate to respond, leaning towards him to press your lips on his cheek with a loud kiss.

“See? He told you”. Ben can't help but make fun of you, earning a soft punch to his shoulder that makes him laugh one more time. “It's in the Holou gym, at seven”.

“Okay, I'll not forget it”. You reply, taking your phone and setting an alarm an hour before starting to have time to get ready. “Good night, Ben”.

“Good night, (Y/N)”.

GENERAL TAG LIST: @mayans-sauce @peoniarose @destynelseclipsa @band-psycho @myakai13 @petlaufeyson @-im-fantastic- @horsesandwolvesaremyanimals @rocketqueen @rosieposie0624 @ellyseveronica @jessprins13 @diaryofkali @ravenmoore14 @starrynite7114 @kenbechillin @miahelen @monkeyluver4546 @sheeshgivemeabreak @jadesamhart @rawrlittlepanda-95 @megapeacelovemusic-blog @katsav17 @skits90s @wildsould1221

TRIPLE FRONTIER: @phoenixhalliwell @goldielocks2004 @pedritomando @spideysimpossiblegirl @im-an-adult-ish @chibsytelford

[trashlie]

What are your thoughts on Episode 179? (Spoiler)

My heart ACHED reading Nol's monologue :( Though I honestly didn't expect that he pretended to be their friend at the beginning, I thought forming real friendships was part of what he wanted to do even if it wasn't meant to benefit him personally. Makes it all the more wholesome to see that those connections became real for him & that his act stopped being an act though.

Also! I'm giggling at the fact that Alyssa was not even once seen in his flashbacks, I think that indicates their relationship is one that started off fake and still remains fake - initially I believed he genuienely felt some sort of a spark before they got together but with that and him not even trying to keep her from Yui's claws? Seems like he only wanted to help her and entered this relationship because she wanted (like he mentioned at the formal), because if he thought he was doing something good pretending to be people's friend, why would it be any different with him pretending to be someone's boyfriend to bring them happiness? Now, the reason he doesn't do anything against Yui's claws on her I think is primarily because Alyssa isn't hurting from her influence - quite the opposite even: her career started off because of Yui. At the same time Alyssa also idolizes her - so unlike Shin-ae - Alyssa, despite being manipulated, isn't being hurt.

That aside! I absolutely LOVED to see the shift in Nol throughout his conversation with Shin-ae. At the beginning it was obvious he didn't want this interaction, he was so shocked to hear Shin-ae and immediately wanted to know if she heard what he said because he didn't want her to have heard all of that. It's sad really..to think he never planned on telling anyone this (Shin-ae did so well proving him wrong through pointing out the lack of logic in his thinking because it's true - Nol being out of the picture wouldn't protect her from Yui. She's right, he truly is an idiot! lol).

He didn't want to call her by first name too..To see the distance he put between himself and Shin-ae hurt so much :( Although he so wanted to close it. Touching the wall seperating them in such a longing way.."You're special to me too" "I didn't know you feel that way about me.." *touches the wall* he was so ready to close the distance after hearing everything she said😭 AND MAN THE LITTLE SCREAM I LET OUT WHEN I SAW HIS HAND ON THE RAILING! He's finally closing the distance and facing her! The jokes last week about them pulling a Romeo and Juliet were funny but seeing it actually play out? Damn, that suprised me😂 Probably because us Stalkyoo shippers know better than to get our hopes up after all this pain.

Next week's episode can't come soon enough

Sorry for taking so long to reply to this Nonny - I know I've been sitting on it for ages but I just haven't been in the headspace to give this the reply it deserves til now!

I hope everyone has their spoilers tags on because there's no way I can block the contents this ask if you don't lol Still I'll stick it under a read more because we all know I'm far too verbose!

I agree with you that it never crossed my mind that the relationships were all meant to be fake! I've been mulling over it a bit and I'd like to cobble together a post later about this that goes deeper into it, but it's definitely made me reconsider certain scenes. One such scene is the confrontation between Kousuke and Nol in episode 57 where Kousuke not-so-subtly implies that he thinks Nol is interested in Shinae/looks like he's cheating (lol?) and Nol closes his eyes when he delivers the line "What's it going to take for people to understand I'm only seeking something platonic?" This rides on the coattails of Shinae also accusing Nol of being a flirt and states that she doesn't want his girlfriend to have the wrong idea. We know that when characters close their eyes, they're masking in some manners. Sometimes that mask is a facade, sometimes that mask is a lie. This whole time, I believed something about his delivery was a lie - and again, following hotly on Shinae's accusations, it's easy to assume Nol was lying and that he was interested in Shinae. (There's a point I'd like to bring up in that aforementioned post about Shinae smiling and Nol's reaction, but that's an entirely other point lol.) I didn't think that was the case - though I guess it could have been that he was and didn't yet realize it - but now we know why. Nol wasn't even seeking anything platonic. He wasn't intentionally seeking anything!

That said, I do think the point in which Nol had begun to see his friendship with Shinae was real came earlier, though I'm not quite sure yet what point I think that was. Regardless, learning Nol's motives make it really interesting to look back on certain scenes and statements Nol made. Like you, I thought he was intentionally being the friend he wished he had to other people but believed he was undeserving of such friendships, and while clearly those feelings of undeserving still qualify here, there's something incredibly tragic to me, about Nol trying to repent for whatever sin he believes he carries, by helping people in the ways he can't be helped. That line about wanting to help someone and make their situation better, even if that can't be the same for him, was so sad. But yes, I agree that's what makes it so beautiful that those friendships blossomed and became real to him.

I've said this before but I think a major issue Nol deals with is obviously that he doesn't see himself the way others see him. He knows only the things about himself he hates and the things he thinks he can't change - whatever happened in the past that he believes himself at fault for overshadows everything else to such a degree that he certainly never expected he'd get attached to these people he was helping. But as we've seen with Shinae, the help he gives them comes back to him and I don't think he realized it would sway him so much and make turn them into such important people to him. That's the most beautiful thing to me, when he confesses how important they all are to him, how much they mean to him, that no he doesn't WANT to give them up he just feels like he must. Because even though the friendships were, to some degree, forged through a lie, it's the fact that they did ultimately mean anything to him that matters in the end. His motives weren't genuine but the relationships that came from them are.

That's why I don't even mind how long it took to get to this point. Almost thirty chapters of just absolute heartbreak and angst met with such a surprising reveal just gives so much more depth to it, I think. Nol struggled so hard and tried so hard but in the end, he can't resist these people, his friends, the few people he cares about. That's how important they all are to each other and GOD I'm eating it UP! I'd also like to point out how remarkable it is that even though Nol has known Dieter and Soushi longer (and presumably those relationships became long ago), Shinae only just entered the picture and Nol still was unable to resist forming that friendship with her, his charity help went so wildly out of control lol

And YES it did not miss me that Nol never mentioned Alyssa amongst the people he said are important to him and I don't think it's because she's separate to them - Alyssa used to part of his group with Dieter and Soushi! I think there's also a pointed divide drawn for us because it was while Nol was being a miserable grump with Alyssa that he found himself wishing he was elsewhere. I'm not going to say that I think being around her makes him miserable and given the chance he might even have invited her to the party but.... I do think there's a pointed message there. I think you are definitely right, too. I had always assumed that Nol just went along with it to try it or because he had hoped a friend turned girlfriend would be some kind of comfort for the loneliness he carries and how isolated he felt with his family and expected that maybe it meant there would be someone on his side, to whom he could open up. But, and I could be wrong, I get the feeling Nol has never opened up to Alyssa. At best, she seems aware of how his family treats him (he's told her that she knows he's invisible to his family) and yet she still speaks of Yui the way she does. While I feel that this might be a facade, and that Alyssa might have some feelings about Yui developing that are not favorable towards her, she still stays such nice things about her to Nol's face and thus I can't buy that Nol has opened up to her.

So longwinded lol yes I think Nol entered the "relationship" full well knowing that Alyssa wasn't interested in him and that feelings would never develop because it was his way of benefitting and helping her as he'd done with Soushi and Dieter before. That he'd seen her as a lonely girl who needed a friend like the others and it lead to the way she used him. I do still think he tried to make it real, maybe without realizing it the same way as the other relationships became real, because the hurt he demonstrates about Alyssa isn't nothing. He doesn't like being slighted by her, he seemed really bothered that she pays attention to other people and none to him, and yes this might be simply BECAUSE they were friends but I'm thinking it might be because formal put a lot of things in perspective for Nol. Whether or not he was aware of it before, I think it was the Kim formal that made him very aware that Shinae had become a real friend to him and not only was someone he'd grown to care about - but also cares about him. I think that's why he called her over to break up. Nol had realized that this relationship wasn't benefitting him the same way - that he was helping her career in hopes of alleviating his own guilt, but all it did was made him feel worse. Honestly I have to come back to this point in another post because I do have some Feelings about things and I'm already getting carried away lol but the bottom line is

Yes I think Nol has realized that his relationship with Alyssa isn't the same as his relationship with Shinae, Dieter, and Soushi.

But also yes to get to the rest of the point, Nol only shields Shinae from Yui because Shinae is aware of who Yui is and what she's capable of. Prior, he never tried to sway her opinion of Yui, or even tell her that Yui isn't HIS mom. It's only because Yui has tried to harm Shinae that Nol seems involved at all, so right, I don't think he would try to pull Alyssa away from her. Firstly, she seems to view Yui in a good light, secondly, Yui has basically propelled her career, so how would it look for him to go "hey by the way Yui is fuckin AWFUL" you know? That's the thing with abusers - to others, they don't look capable of what they do. Alyssa and Nol have so many issues that if he were to bring it up, I don't know how well it would even go. Would she even believe him?

Anyway! The other feelings and thoughts!!!!!! I'm over the moon with Nol literally closing the distance. All the time he was "chasing" Shinae with friendship, it was never authentic, and then she spent so much time chasing him so sincerely, so it's only right that after all the effort she's made, he's the one to make the effort. Earlier, when he started to go to her when she was Minhyuk, he told himself he'd regret it and we could tell he wasn't totally ready to go through with it, but the choice to freaking climb up to the rooftop was his conscious choice. Whether or not it means he's going to still pull away I'm not sure, but I think if he made that effort, it's because he's made up his mind.

At the beginning of the chapter, he talked like he was still ready to leave them, even though it was clear he didn't WANT to. Confessing their importance? HELLO! But yes, by having a conversation he never meant to have, by revealing things he meant to carry with him forever, he had to face a new decision. If these people are so important, you don't HAVE to leave. That whole exchange between him and Shinae at the end, throwing each other's words back at each other? "Did you really mean it?" "Every last word" Like, you know that's the moment he made up his mind. Why go to her otherwise, right? To say goodbye for real? No, I don't think so, and if that's his intention, I'll be so mad lol cos Shinae gave him the go ahead to leave with her closure. That exchange felt so much like making up and starting anew - admissions that yes you are an important friend to me, yes you mean so much to me, yes I care about you.

And YES it was so important to me!! That Shinae called him out on his dumb his way of thinking was. How is leaving going to protect her when she's already in Yui's clutches? Come on dude!

But yeah, I find it really sad that he never seemed to intend to say any of that to her. Nol has probably never opened up to anyone and just keeps everything locked inside, assuming people are better off distanced from him and unaware of what his situation is like. Between everything Shinae has learned from Kousuke and the truths Nol finally revealed, I think she definitely has a much better understanding even without Nol saying what he thinks he's atoning for. And I think that's also why she wasn't upset about the realization that their friendship DID start off fake - that he HADN'T meant they made a great team. It's not like she was actually eager to be his friend, either, and by the time she was comfortable with him, I think their friendship was real. In the same way that Nol won Shinae over, she won him over, and I think she's able to understand that. Even though he's hurt her, she cares about him enough that now that it's all cleared up, they can start fresh.

AND GOD IF THAT'S NOT SUCH A FACTOR IN THE STUPID WAY I SHIP THEM UGH. It's like... it would be so easy and valid for Shinae to be upset about Nol. For the lies, for starting friendships he didn't intend to follow through, for the fact that he really did intend to leave them, for the way she bared her heart to him and he just walked away, for the fact that she couldn't get him to tell HER these things and she had to overhear it when he broke. And YET! UGH I love them and I love them for finally being on the same level, for Nol taking a step to her. I hope in time he will open up to her more, or at least learn to lean on them and accept their love. But god what a beautiful start.

I HAVE SO MANY FEELINGS UGH.

Nol and Shinae both are people who have spent so much time being so lonely which is what makes it so BEAUTIFUL that they formed this friendship - when BOTH of them tried to resist it, when neither one of them truly wanted to be friends lol he literally was just trying to help her and she was trying to resist it and NOW LOOK AT THEM. LOOK AT HOW THEY ARE STILL DRAWN TO EACH OTHER UGGH I LOVE IT. Nol's inability to fight off how much he's grown to care about his friends and how much they've grown to meant to each other. He's known Shinae MERE MONTHS and yet he was in the alley confessing his truths to her cat COME ON!!!!!!!

If nothing else this reveal reinforces what I've always strongly believed: Nol and Shinae make each other into better people. Nol's inability to fight his friendship becoming genuine, to resist growing to care about her, the way he can't truly stay away just really proves how deep that bond has already become in such a short time. Though he set out with selfish reasons, he still wanted to help everyone and made a point to do so, to reach through Shinae's mask and break the hard shell she was isolating herself in. That still comes from concern. They really just bring something important out of each other and GOD I love it. The fact that he tried to fight it but in the end, he couldn't: the friendships were real. UGH MY HEART ;A;

[mimisempai]

I will never give up on you

Summary:

Now that things are back to normal, Mobius begins to wonder if he is the right person for Loki and is willing to let him go so he can be happy. Loki will prove to Mobius that he too can lean on Loki.

🌈 Happy Pride month ! 🌈

To celebrate, 1 day, 1 story.

Be ready for smiles, laugh, fluff, tooth rotthing fluff, positive vibes and a lot of love!

https://archiveofourown.org/works/32223349

2170 words - Rating G

"Oh my! Did you see Loki at the briefing this morning?!"

"He had that adorable smile again!"

"You mean the smile that would light up the whole room if it was night?"

"Yes!!!"

Mobius couldn't help but smile as he heard the gossip of the latest recruits.

After all it was not uncommon for people, girls or boys, to rave about his lover who really had the figure of a god.

Sometimes it made Mobius conscious of his own appearance and he wondered what could attract Loki to him, while the TVA was full of female or male specimens much more attractive than himself.

He continued on his way, with a slightly less energetic step when Miss Minutes' small, knowing voice called out, "That smile is not for you!"

The group of girls cried out, "What?!!! Then who is it for!"

"That's not for me to say." She replied in a mysterious tone. Then she continued clapping her little white-gloved hands, ending the discussion. "Come on, the class on time travel paradoxes is about to start!"

Mobius, continuing on his way to his office, thought about what Miss Minutes had just said.

There were few of them who knew about the relationship between Loki and him. Miss Minutes, Casey and Sylvie.

It wasn't that they had made it a secret.

Honestly if Mobius listened to himself, he'd be shouting it to the world.

But he couldn't help but wonder.

They hadn't really discussed their relationship yet, and Mobius was afraid to broach the subject. He was afraid that now that they were living a fairly normal life, as normal as it could be considering the circumstances, Loki would realize that he could do much better than a plain looking, not-so-young agent.

The circumstances of their meeting had been particular, he had been what the god had needed and now he wondered what he could bring him.

Before Loki, the life of Mobius had been the TVA, he had had some affairs, with Revonna for example, but nothing serious.

Then there was Loki, who had made his way into Mobius' heart very quickly.

In the next hallway, as he turned towards the door of his office, he saw the object of his thoughts surrounded by a small group of people. They were talking animatedly.

Suddenly Loki began to smile. The same smile that he had whenever he saw Mobius, the one the girls were talking about before.

But this time the smile wasn't directed at him.

Mobius' throat tightened. Maybe it was time to free Loki and let him fly away.

So he spent the day avoiding him. Every time Loki came near or wanted to talk to him, Mobius found an excuse to leave or found a way to slip away.

When Casey had picked him up for their daily lunch in the cafeteria, he had declined.

His actions did not go unnoticed by the object of his affection.

Loki sensed that something was wrong.

These last times, he had the impression that they got closer and Mobius was not averse to dispense signs of affection that Loki returned him well.

Loki wondered what he had done. Because if something went wrong, it was surely his fault. He had a gift for ruining his relationships with people. However, for once, Loki didn't want to give up until he had tried everything. Because he had changed, or rather he was who he was supposed to be and not who other people had decided was destined to be and he owed that to Mobius.

It was time for them to have a serious discussion about their relationship and it would happen now. He walked with a determined step towards Mobius' office, entered and closed the door gently behind him.

Mobius, standing in front of the window, had not heard him enter.

Loki approached him gently, embraced him from behind, put his chin on his shoulder and whispered in his ear.

"I finally caught my runaway boyfriend..."

He knew he was taking a risk by putting a label on something they hadn't defined yet, and he didn't miss the way Mobius froze when Loki said the word boyfriend.

He simply tightened his arms around Mobius.

"Hey..." murmured Mobius. He couldn't help but lean his head against Loki's on his shoulder.

Once again the god had baffled him, and he didn't know what to address first, the fact that Loki had noticed him avoiding him or the way he had called him. Boyfriend...

He turned in Loki's arms and looked up to meet Loki's gaze.

"I..." he paused, unable to sort out his thoughts at the way Loki looked at him. He could see tenderness and devotion, and something more that he couldn't define.

Loki smiled and said softly, "It's rare that you have trouble finding your words."

Mobius muttered, "Not everyone can be talkie talkie like you."

Loki took on a falsely outraged look, "Hey I thought you liked that!"

"I do."

Actually, it wasn't the only thing he liked.

His expression tightened and Loki noticed the change in his countenance. He ran his fingertips gently over Mobius' face and asked softly, "Hey, tell me what's wrong? I'm not blind, you know, I've seen how you've been avoiding me all day. Is it something I did or didn't do? Tell me Mobius, because if I don't know, I can't change anything. And what's between us is too precious to me to ruin in any way. And I-"

Mobius interrupted him by putting a finger over his mouth.He had been appalled as Loki spoke to him, because he realized that he who prided himself on being clear-headed and able to read people, had been wrong about everything, and that his fear of facing things head-on had made Loki insecure and worse, made him feel guilty when there was no reason to.

He had been appalled as Loki spoke to him, because he realized that he who prided himself on being clear-headed and able to read people had been wrong about everything, and that his fear of facing things head-on had made Loki insecure and worse, made him feel guilty when there was no reason to.

From the beginning, they had been honest and sincere with each other. Loki had not hesitated to bare his heart more than once, showing unwavering trust in Mobius and at the first obstacle Mobius was not able to show him the same trust?

He had to stop acting like an idiot. As humiliating as it might be, it was up to him to bare his heart, to expose his fears and insecurities.

"Stop Loki.This isn't you, I promise you, you didn't do anything wrong."

Not daring to look him in the eye, he told him everything, the conversation he had witnessed in the morning, which had triggered this path of thoughts, leading to his doubts and fears.

"And now I feel like such an idiot for reacting that way instead of facing the problem head on. For being jealous like a teenager."

Loki lifted his chin with his hand and Mobius saw that he was looking at him with the same fond eyes as before as he shook his head.

"I don't know where to start, but the first thing I want you to know is that just because when we first met, I was the one who needed you, doesn't mean you have to be strong all the time. I'm certainly not going to judge you for a moment of doubt. Honestly, that you were jealous of this group of people, I don't know if that's flattering or ridiculous or a little of both. But I want to reassure you of one thing. Do you know why I was smiling like that? It's because they were talking about you, that when they finished their training they wanted to become an agent like you. I was just smiling because I was proud of my boyfriend.And by the way, about the label, honestly I don't care, I called you boyfriend before because that's what came to my mind spontaneously, the most important thing is what's here." said Loki pointing at Mobius' chest.

"That's just it." intervened Mobius, "I think my doubts come mainly from the fact that I don't know what's here." in turn he pointed to Loki's chest. "We never talked about what was between us. And you know me, as much as I like a little chaos, I like to know where I'm going. It probably makes me an annoyingly serious person, but that's just the way I am."

It was Loki's turn to put a finger to Mobius' lips to shut him up.

"I don't see it that way, we complement each other, and that's fine. Mobius, you know I often talk to say nothing and not so long ago, while we were on Lamentis with Sylvie, I tried to define love, a little drunk I found a ridiculous metaphor about a dagger. When all I would have had to do was to draw inspiration from reality. I know perfectly well what I would answer now if she asked me again to define love. I would tell her love is someone who is not afraid to put you in front of your failures so that you realize that you are better than what you are, it is someone who sees the good in you and better who sees the good that you are being able to do, love is being confidently able to fall asleep in the presence of someone you trust, love is wanting the person you love to believe in you, love is knowing that if you fall down you will be helped up, it is wanting his face to be the first one you see in the morning and the last one at night. "

He wiped a tear that spilled from Mobius' eye with his thumb before continuing, "Mobius, I don't need a metaphor to describe love since I have you."

He then leaned towards Mobius, closing the little distance that still separated them and placed his lips on his and set about proving his words in the most beautiful way possible.

When they separated to catch their breath, Loki pressed Mobius' head against his chest, tightening his arms around him as Mobius tied his arms around Loki's waist.Loki simply rested his chin on Mobius' head and they stayed like that for a long time, embracing each other in front of the window, in a comforting silence.

Mobius felt Loki's heart beating fast and strong against his ear and realized how much courage it took to open his heart like that, without waiting for Mobius' answer.

No! He didn't have to hide anymore. Loki had shown courage in facing their relationship head on and he was going to do the same!

He pushed himself back, forcing Loki to loosen his grip and took his hand. He looked into Loki's eyes and with a pounding heart said, "You know I knew you before we met, I had watched your life story several times, and it was during those viewings that I fell in love with you. Don't make round eyes like that. Once you take off the shell, when you see past the mischief and missteps, it's so easy to love you. When you first came here, you showed all the qualities I saw in you and made me fall in love with you all over again, and now that you've broken free of your chains, I fall in love with you every day."

Loki grinned a little shakily before saying, "You realize that makes us the biggest sappy idiots in this world."

"No witnesses, no proof." Mobius pulled his lover's head toward him to wipe away his cheeky smile with a kiss that left them both panting.

"How about we continue this at home."

They walked out of the office, Mobius locked the door, and when he turned around, Loki was holding out his hand. He grasped it, and with intertwined fingers they walked towards their home.

Suddenly, they found themselves face to face with two of the girls Mobius had heard talking that morning.

They stopped, and he saw their eyes fixed on their locked hands. The girls started walking past them and they heard them giggling and whispering behind them.

They looked at each other, smiling.

"Do you realize that tomorrow the whole of the TVA staff will know about this?" asked Loki.

"That's fine with me, I won't need to show that you're mine."

"That's a shame, I'd like to see you possessive. Maybe I should smile more often for others than you." replied Loki with a suggestive raise of his eyebrow.

Mobius growled, "Loki..."

Only the god's mischievous laughter answered him. They continued on their way home, bickering lovingly under the watchful eyes of two witnesses who couldn't wait until the next day to spread the news: Agent Mobius was responsible for Agent Loki's radiant smile.

Epilogue here : X

_______

Not beta'd I hope you enjoyed it 🥰

The whole series here : Together, For all time, Always

[writteninkat]

xii - overwhelmed

word count - 2,220

"if i love you was a promise, would you break it if you're honest?"

index

You walk towards the classroom with your palms sweating and your heart about to beat right out of your chest. You had just confessed to Katsuki thinking he also felt the same, but all he replied was a lousy 'you don't even know me'.

You furrow your brows, clenching your palms into fists in irritation. How am I so stupid? I came to Japan to prove myself and to that dumb father of mine that I can be a powerful hero! And yet here I am being swept off track by some lousy high school crush!

"Careful- if you stare any harder you're gonna melt holes through the walls." A tired and very familiar voice calls out feom behind you. You turn around, anger still clouding your head as your eyes fall on a violet-haired boy.

"Careful- if you don't do anything about your lack of sleep anytime soon you're gonna collapse." You spat back; suddenly everything around you vexes you. You send a mental message to everyone in school; today you're hot-headed, your patience is as thin as a hair strand and taking out your anger through physical violence seems like an amazing idea right about now.

"Jokes on you, I've been like this my whole life and I've never collapsed." He smirks, causing you to raise a brow. "Okay maybe I never collapsed from my lack of sleep."

"Look what the hell do you want?"

"Well- thought you looked pretty upset." He holds up two pastel yellow-colored papers. "And I just so happen to have two free ice cream passes for that new ice cream place right beside the campus." He takes a look at his watch, "We still have an hour and thirty minutes till the bell rings. What do you say?"

"And that idiot just says 'you barely even know me'" You wave your hands up, making a dumb face as well as a dumb voice to match, "like hello! I know I barely know you and that's why I feel so upset and conflicted right now! You get what I mean???" You huff back on your seat, shoving the small pink translucent teaspoon in your mouth.

Shinsou nods his head, eyes on his ice cream as he shoves a few scoops in his mouth. "Mmm- this banana flavor tastes amazing. You should try it." He offers his cup to you, making you frown.

"You're such a jerk! I thought you brought me here to let me vent out my anger." You frown, your eyebrows knitting together as you place your cup on the table, leaning back on your seat as you crossed your arms.

"I did. I listened as you vented out your anger to me and we're having ice cream but I never said we were going to talk about the situation." He points out, annoyingly unbothered expression resting on his face as he continues eating his own ice cream.

You look at him in irritation and silence for a few moments, trying to calm yourself before taking your little teaspoon and scooping a bit from his own cup. You shove the scoop inside your mouth, pouting. "The banana tastes amazing." You huff, expression still angry.

Shinsou chuckles lightly, the small smile actually lighting up his usually dark features. "It is, isn't it?" You've only ever met one person with a so-called 'contagious smile' and he was the funny boy you met at the park one day.

Ethan will have to share his spot in my list for 'contagious smiles'. You thought to yourself, letting a smile break your frown as you look down at your ice cream.

"Have you seen the new conjuring movie? It's pretty cool, a solid six out of ten." He shrugs. You shake your head, "I can't watch scary movies. I won't be able to sleep especially now that I live alone."

He raises a brow at you, "Oh come on. We can watch it together through video chat or something. I really wanna see you piss yourself while watching it." He chuckles, causing you to squint your eyes at him. "Is that a challenge?" You point your spoon accusingly at him.

"What if it is? You gonna back out? Loser?" He pushes jokingly, mirroring your squinted eyes. You bring your hand on the table in a fist, "Oh it's on."

Shinso walks you to your classroom just five minutes before the bell is about to ring. "How can I contact you?" He asks, doing the thing with his hand behind his nape as he looks away. "Here." You tug at his hand, writing down your discord account with a marker. "Call me after the sun sets. I'll be home by then."

He waves you good bye and you step in, almost completely forgetting about why you were annoyed so early in the morning. Your eyes fall on the blond boy, still looking angry as usual. His eyes meet yours for a fraction of a second before your looking towards your seat.

As you sit down, the bell rings and in comes Aizawa, tired as ever. "Today, you will all be choosing your hero names. This has a lot to do with the Pro-Hero draft picks and because you are only first years, any offers can be taken back before you graduate." He explains, pointing at a chart where Todoroki's, Katsuki's and your names are written at the top with thousands of heroes wanting to recruit you.

"You will all spend one week interning with the pro heroes you choose or those who chose you, depending on if you have multiple offers or just one." Aizawa continues to talk about the importance of hero names before Midnight walks in the classroom.

The class begins to cheer in excitement as they all are given boards and markers for their names. The cheering and yelling dies down in a few minutes but the excitement doesn't. You smile, feeling your heart throb at the innocent looks in your classmates' faces.

Each of you all are being called up to present your hero names and as your turn slowly comes closer, your palms begin to sweat and that feeling of not being able to stand properly hits you.

"L/n Y/n. It's your turn, come on up sweetie." Midnight calls for you, curling her fingers a few times. You stand from your seat, walking towards the front, keeping your eyes forward and looking anywhere but Katsuki's eyes.

You flip your board around. "I chose the name Tempest. It means a violent windy storm." Midnight claps her hands, "I love it! Basically telling the villains not to mess with the storm." She cheers, allowing you to walk back to your seat.

"So! Have you guys chosen an agency yet?" Mina asks, shoveling food in her mouth as Kirishima and Sero follow suit. You shrug your shoulders, "I'm having a difficult time choosing between Hawks' agency or Endeavor's agency. I want to work on my speed but then again, Endeavor's the number two. It'd be a waste to throw this chance away."

"And yet," Denki points his fork at you, "It's also a waste to throw away the chance of working with Hawks. I heard he's the youngest pro right now who has his own agency and is in the top ten."

As you were about to scold the blond for talking with his mouth full, Katsuki marches towards the table, setting his tray down before sitting down beside Kirishima. You look at the empty space beside you and your mood immediately turns sour.

Wow. Sure, he has the right to feel uncomfortable with my sudden confession but to not actually have some type of closure? You sigh, not bothering to finish your food before standing up. You slide your tray to Denki, earning a cheery mouthful 'thanks!' from him before you walk away.

You walk out the classroom upset, tired and hungry. Your mind races back to the tuna sandwhiches the cafe sold and your mouth immediately begins to water.

"Hey idiot."

All your food fantasies disappear the moment his gruff yet very warm and relaxing voice calls out to you. To make sure you weren't about to embarrass yourself, you look in front of you, searching for someone else only to be greeted by an empty hallway.

Slowly, you turn around, pressing your lips together as you look at Katsuki with the most nonchalant look you could pull, no matter how much you wanted to scowl at him.

"What's up?" You ask, mentally slapping yourself. What's up? What's up??? Who the fuck do you think you are to him, Kirishima??

He looks awaw, walking towards you. "They have new matcha cookies today. I checked before I got here."

You stand there, staring at him for a second, two seconds, five- ten- "Dumbass. Yo. Can you hear me?" Katsuki snaps his fingers in front of you, gaining your attention as he snaps you out of your daze- literally. "Well?"

As much as you want to say yes, accept his offer and just live a happy life, you didn't want to live a confusing one where you get hurt in the end. "I don't see why you have to do this, honestly." You look to your right, looking out the windows.

"We hang out, I feel like you're treating me differently than the others, I feel like I'm special to you, I recognize my feelings, and although I feel conflicted and upset I still confess my feelings to you." You grip onto your bag, "And you respond to me by what- telling me I barely know you?"

You look back at him, the corners of your lips pulled downwards sightly. "Katsuki I- I got the message, okay? Don't do whatever this is to me because from my point of view, you're leading me on cause you can't voice out or even figure out your own feelings." You motion your arms between the two of you. "If you liked hanging out with me, I'm sorry but I gotta keep some distance between the two of us before I go confessing to you again like an idiot."

You stand there, eyes dropped to the floor in silence.

Say something, you idiot! Fucking say something to me! Tell me how you feel- it doesn't matter if it'll hurt me, just say something!

"I'm sorry."

You look up at him, confused. His brows are knitted together in dejection as his shoulders sag momentarily.

You feel your eyes prickle with tears as you nod, pressing your lips together. "Okay." You click your tongue, turning away as you walked from the unnervingly quiet boy.

As you reach your apartment, the sun has already set, you're tired, your cheeks are stained and are still being stained with tears and your phone is blaring.

You answer it without another thought, Shinsou's tired and relaxed voice giving you a soft 'hey'. You can hold it in much longer as you break down into sobs.

"Hey, hey, what's wrong? Talk to me, Y/n." He sounds genuinely concerned. You sob for a few moments, letting out all the emotion you've pent up inside you as you walked back to your apartment.

"I-I just-"

Another call interrupts the two of you, making you furrow your brows. "Hold on-" You sob, your eyes scanning down your screen to see your mom calling you. You put your call with Shinsou on hold, answering your mom.

"Hey mom!" You cheer, trying to act as gleeful as possible. "Hey baby! So I heard you have a boyfriend, your aunt Miwa sent me a picture of the two of you in the paintball place? I just thought maybe you wanted to know about that boy's abrasive and violent past?"

He's not your boyfriend.

"What- you looked into him?" You yell.

"Well I had to! It's my first time my baby has a boyfriend. Anyway, I don't mean to be that mom but I don't think he's a good fit for you, honey. He's bullied countless students in middle school and after observing how he acted in the sports festival, I don't think that boy changed at all." Your mother does sound truly concerned for you but everything seemed to be too much for you today.

Before you can even think of the sentences you want to say, you hear a knock on your door. You sigh, pacing towards it as you pull it open, brows furrowing in anger at the sight of your father in front of you.

"Y/n I just want a second chance-"

You yell.

You yell out your frustrations, your sadness, your hesrtsches, everything. Every single emotion you felt today just came pouring out as you yelled from the top of your lungs.

Your body falls to the floor as your limbs begin feeling like jell-o and your head begins to spin. You hear your father ordering his guards around frantically, but his words are all muffled and unclear. You begin seeing double- seeing two of your father really isn't helping right now.

"Hey, Y/n, baby keep your eyes open for me. I'll bring you to the hospital just-"

"Can all of you just shut the fuck up for a moment?" You whisper weakly before darkness swallows you up once again.

It's cold. It's dark. You're alone.

You're always alone.

[tantancantdoshit]

The replies to George & the tweets about him come off as bullying at this point. I haven't seen 1 tweet in the past day trying to kindly educate him. Not 1. I've seen people making gay jokes about him & telling him to come out as damage control, making fun of him for probably feeling anxious, sexualizing his imaginary subservience to Dream but also making him Dream's evil puppeteer, hoping he gets sick to prove a point, making fun of him being colorblind, calling him names, but not any good info

Let's break this ask down:

1. no tweet to kindly educate

I have seen some good tweets tbh. Not everyone on Twitter is stupid. Some have made great takes and genuinely explained why they're concerned. They have also not only looked at George but at all the ccs which is great. Some Tweets are stupid I do agree. And some are just for clout which I just don't fucking understand but we'll get to that

2. The thing with coming out and gay joke I have seen as well. I think it's weird but I can't really comment on it since I'm straight and I don't have too strong feelings regarding it

3. making fun of him for feeling anxious is sth that annoys me so much. I've already said how stupid it is that they say mantal health is important and hate is stupid. They probably genuienly think that. But they don't realize that tweets like that make him not want to speak up on anything. If my whole fanbase was making fun of my anxiety to speak in front of thousands of ppl I wouldn't speak up ever. No matter what he does it won't satisfy anyone. they expect him to find the one right way to deal with it not thinking about how he's only a human who made the same mistake many people have already made (me included)

4. the sexualizing him to be Dreams idiotic sub is making me so annoyed already. First of all they just had to bring Dream into this for some reason. And then they had to make him be Georges big smart dad who will scold his out of line bottom. Like stfu I can't look at it anymore.

5. Yeah idk I just think the jokes are getting repetitive because they're trying to gain a hit tweet from this whole thing. Like the colorblind jokes have been going from the day we found out George was colourblind. Ppls just hope for likes as if they'll achieve sth by it. Social media is fucked

[sunarintoes]

Dear Whovever: [Kenma]

Synopsis: You and Kenma are both best friends and youtube gamers however you want to be more than just best friends so you decide to ‘man up’ one day and write a heart felt confession in a minecraft notebook before then putting it in Kenma’s personal chest.

WC: 3K

TW: slight swearing :)

[Episode one]

[recording in 3… 2… 1… start!] 

“Hey gamers, Kodzuken here with Tulip-but-make-it-yellow! I've done a few Minecraft videos with Tulip before, but thought I'll start a new series that will be posted every Monday.”

“It's called Minedays with Tulip and Kodzu”

“I- no, Tulip. I'm not sure what we’re gonna call it. But you guys will know- obviously since it's the title of this video.”

You whine and pout into the monitor, “Kodzu I think Minedays is a cute name.” 

Instead of replying Kenma rolls his eyes and hits you ingame. “Should we introduce the challenge and get it started?”

“Yeah that's a good idea!” 

“Well, it's about eleven am right now, we have until eleven pm to build a Minecraft house from a random topic,” he pauses and moves to the side to point to a sectioned spinwheel, “on this bad boy,” whacks the spinner, “we have eight different themes, in a sec I’ll spin it and whatever it lands on will be what we have to build.”

You let out a high pitched ‘hmm,’ “I feel bad for Kuroo and Hinata, they’re both going to have to edit twelve hours of footage down to 10 minutes!”

Kenma chuckles, “fifteen minutes actually.”

This time you roll your eyes. “Hurry up and spin it you fool! I want to get buildinggg” 

Smiling, Kenma moves back a bit and spins the wheel, after thirty seconds full of anticipation the wheel finally stops and its small arrow is pointing at- “Yes! Cottage core theme!” you yell out while Kenma groans. 

“Really? That's lame why couldn't we have ‘Lucifer’s Bedroom’?” 

You poke your tongue out to the monitor - which Kenma could see, after all, you are in a Discord call with him. “Don't be sad just because you're prancing in my turf…. Looooooser!”

Kenma playfully glares towards you, “You’re on! See you in twelve hours!”

Unfortunately, the difficulty of building a cottage core house in the woods - in survival mode, proved more difficult than planned. 

“We spawned in a desolate area huh? Barely any flowers!” you hear Kenma make a sound of agreement as you sink into your comfortable ‘gamer’ styled chair. 

“Don't tell me you've given up? Just because you can't find any flowers?” 

You scowl at his cocky tone however your mood does a one-eighty when you suddenly get a good idea. “Ok everyone! I know what I have to do! I'm going to restart in another place because this isn’t working!”

Kenma makes a sound of surprise, “you're restarting? It's been an hour already-”

“Yeah and we have, like... eleven more.” Kenma sighs in response, “better get a move on.”

For the most part, the two of you kept quiet - not wanting to let the other know how well you were doing. However one look at your phone only to see that your twitter has blown up, you decide to take a short break, after all it has been four hours of you sitting on your ass playing Minecraft. Once you open Twitter you're met with a barrage of tags and mentions - all of which screaming ‘KenYn’ and ‘Kodzutulip.’ You felt heat rise to your face, you - yes you, Ln Yn with the online alias Tulip-but-make-it-yellow, has a big, fat, humongous crush on your best friend and fellow youtuber - Kenma, aka Kodzuken aka the cutest guy in the world. To make it worse - or better, you couldn't really tell, was that many of your viewers shipped you with him - as did his viewers. 

You are of course, happy with this but you can’t help but wonder if Kenma feels the same way, does he feel weirded out by all this shipping content? Does he find it uncomfortable? Does he find it unsettling to be shipped with his in-real-life best friend?

“Hey Yn?” Kenma calls softly, “you've been looking at your phone for the past ten minutes and your face looks sad.”

You instantly look up to meet Kenma’s face and try to find the right words to say, “I… I’m just kinda tired and eventually got distracted!! Sorry Kenken!”

Kenma visibly cringes at the old nickname - the one you gave him in primary school, “if you say so… better get your head in the game though - my mansion looks epic.”

Your eyes narrow, “mansion? The theme is cottage core!” Kenma quietly chuckles in response, “a mansion can still have a fairy aesthetic, you should know that”

You huff in faux annoyance as you place your phone away and ‘get your head in the game’ just as he requested. “Be prepared to be crushed! I am the cottage core guardian!”

There are ten minutes left to your’s and Kenma’s excruciatingly long Minecraft challenge, your ass hurts from sitting on it for almost twelve straight hours - including bathroom breaks. When the buzzer rings the two of you step back from your respective buildings and make your way to the starting point - which had been marked by a stack of 20 or so dirt blocks. 

“Well that was twelve hours of eye straining torture,” you say as you stretch your arms. 

“You're tired already?”

“Kinda… I can't wait to go to sleep after this.”

“Weak, I’m playing Battlefield as soon as this is over.”

You roll your eyes and scoff, “this is why you look like a living corpse in the morning…”

Kenma looks you dead in the eyes and with a completely serious face he says, “yeah but you love it.”

You choke on your spit at his boldness, “y-yeah I guess.” 

If you were being honest, you were not the best at reading people and it was dark in Kenma’s gaming room, the only light coming from his three screen/monitor computer setup, but you think you see a light blush creep up to his cheeks. And you hate it, you hate when he says things that make your heart flutter, you hate it when he just sits there and the digital glow accentuates all of his delicate features, but what you hate most is yourself. You hate yourself because you have fallen in love with your best friend, you hate yourself because you know he doesn't like you back and you hate that you continuously give yourself a sense of false hope. 

“Yn… you want to stay up and game with me don’t you? ”

You sheepishly look to the side, ‘mayhaps.’

Kenma sighs looking at you with a soft face as he whispers “then I won’t play Battlefield and I’ll go to bed and so will you, ‘kay?”

You smile tiredly at him, “sounds like a deal.”

“We'll get back on at the same time tomorrow and we’ll do the final part of this video - the reveal. Until then.”

You smile and wave at the camera “cya soon~”

[recording over]

After your call with Kenma ended you got ready for bed but for some reason, no matter how tired you were, you just couldn't fall asleep - your mind was screaming obscene ideas that you couldn't help but contemplate. At first it was just wishful thinking but then came a thought that refused to leave, ‘confess.’ 

It was a tempting thought, but how? Surely you couldn't just say ‘hey Kenma I've liked you since high school lets date!’ yeah no, that was a horrible idea. Maybe if you confessed with some originality he would be more likely to accept but for now, you were going to do your best to go to sleep.

[Episode two]

[recording in 3… 2… 1… start!] 

In the morning you woke up feeling refreshed and excited for the day to come, Kenma had texted you and asked if you were feeling up to recording the reveal from last night and episode two today and of course you said yes. 

The video goes on without any troubles and soon you find yourself staring at the computer screen at eleven once again. 

“Remember to like, subscribe and comment below on who you think won this round.” Kenma’s voice is soothing - if you had to describe it you would say that it is silky like honey and smooth like dark chocolate; or maybe you would just say his voice is perfect. Kenma waves to the screen monitor, “hello? Earth to Yn! Are you dead or something? You look like a zombie.”

It takes a while to register, you weren’t really paying attention to the words he said as you were more interested in the way he sounded. You sit up and smile into the camera, “I'm awake… thanks for caring!”

He scoffs and swivels in his chair a bit, “I don't care about you, you're just my idiot best friend and flatmate.”

You playfully narrow your eyes, “well this idiot flatmate of yours helped you bake apple pie so you wouldn’t starve to death!”

“Hmmm, I guess. Well I'm going to head off. I'll see you later.”

You smile softly, “yeah I'll see you later, i'm just gonna stay on for a while.”

Kenma looks at you with an intrigued expression, “you're going to stay up longer? Better not be in this world, that's cheating. Want me to stay up with you?”

You roll your eyes and giggle, “it's all good I want to fix my house up in the other world. I'll see you tomorrow.”

He sighs, “if you say so.”

[recording over]

Your chair rolls back as you stretch, “maybe I should confess to him through a Minecraft journal…” you jump up. “Thats it! Thats a great way to confess! Its original and Kenma would appreciate it…. If he accepts my feelings that is…” 

You groan and slump back down into the chair, “maybe it’s best if I don't confess at all. No! I've wanted to do this for years! If he doesn't like me back it's all good! Maybe I just won't do this on a stream!”

You reach over to the bench and pull up your phone, “who to call, mmm ok let’s call Alisa I’m going to need some emotional support!”

“Hey gamers, Kodzu here in another Minecraft live stream, today we’re just in mine and Yn’s regular world and i'm going to build a house - a cottage to be specific,” he pauses and looks at the comment section; ‘no Yn isn't here right now, no Yn won't be joining this video, no I didnt know shes streaming at the moment, yes my favourite food is apple pie, yes I have a calico cat, no Yn is not my significant other, yes we are just friends.’ Kenma moves back and takes a breath, “wow you guys sure are interested in Yn huh? Maybe I should get them in more videos, might get more views that way,” he laughs a bit.

“Let's start off by heading to my base, I have the materials I’ll need there- oh uh what's this?” Kenma pauses as he stares at the foreign object, “I don't remember having a written book in my chest… maybe Yn went in here and put it in?”

Kenma stares at the book for a while before he opens it, only to be shocked. The comment section notices the blush on his face and continue to spam him with questions:

[kodzusbabe]: what's in that diary!!

[Kenmastan]: hahAAAHHA LOOK HE’S SO RED IN THE FACE

[piefacecutie]: ^^ omg you're so right @/Kenmastan hes so cute 💓

[Kenmaxyn]: I hope it's a confession!

[ynhater]: @/Kenmaxyn from who? Cause I didn't do it and I'd be the only one for Kenma oppAr

[kennismaken]: I hope it’s Yn! They’d be such a cute couple

[applepudding]: umm? Kodzu! Why did he get up and leave??

[ynhater]: babe come back!

[Kenmaxyn]: OMG MAYBE IT WAS YN !!!!

After your late night call with Alisa, you decided it would be best to just do it and then ignore Kenma for the day - well, not ignore him per se, just simply decline all his Discord calls and Facetime calls so you could put off being rejected a little while longer. You woke up with a throbbing headache that you could only blame yourself for, after all you are the dumbass who stayed up until God knows when just to write a heartfelt confession. Eventually the angst of waiting for a message from Kenma overwhelmed you and here you are now; streaming Overwatch to get your mind off of a certain someone.

“Ah no! Cant believe that stupid Hanzo got me! What a pain!” you frown at the screen and let out a sigh, “the round is over… bummer. Well while we wait an eternity for the next round I guess I should answer some of your questions… oh? I didn't know Kenma was streaming, no I’m not dating him… “ you feel your heart sink as you read the next comment; “what do you mean Kenma ran away after reading a book? Was he unhappy?”

The next moments felt like a blur, your heart was heavy and you felt tears well up in your eyes and somehow you missed the sound of someone breaking into your apartment and then your bedroom. Within a second you feel someone wrap their arms around you from behind, your body tenses up but immediately relaxes when you recognise the perpetrators scent; sweet yet salty, like caramel toffee.

“Kenma! W-what are you doing?”

“I like you too… I have for so long.”

Your eyes widen and it doesn't take too long for a smile to appear on your face, “I'm so glad to hear that.”

You feel him smile into your neck as his embrace tightens, “finish up your livestream so we can talk please.” 

“You don't need to tell me twice!”

It is eleven at night once again, but this time you’re not sitting alone in your gaming chair, instead you're sitting on Kenma’s lap - in his gaming chair as he slowly runs his hands through your hair and softly kisses your neck.

“So everyone’s pretty much freaking out over us huh?” you hum in response, “we’ve been officially together for what? Five hours?”

“Correct you are.”

You smile and hold up your phone while you continue to cuddle into him, “smile baby, I want the whole world to know that you're my player two.”

[Bonus - the love letter]

Dear Kenma,

This must be so strange - finding a journal in your chest. 

I have wanted to tell you this for quite a while and I guess I have never found the write words to say; or the right way to for that matter,

But I love you

I have loved you since our first year at Nekoma

It's been a while hasn’t it?

I'm sorry if this inconveniences you, makes you uncomfortable or makes you never want to see me again; 

Just let me continue for a little while longer because I need to get this off of my mind.

I love your smile - especially the rare one where you really smile, where your eyes crinkle and your cheeks begin to hurt 

I love your voice - it’s smooth and silky, like honey being spread across bread

I love your scent - it reminds me of salted caramel,  I can never get enough 

I love your mind - the way it works to make me laugh, make me calm and all else

I love your lips - not necessarily in a sexual way, but more so in the way you talk and speak, they move softly and slowly in a way only your lips could move in.

I love your body - how although you're hunched most of the time you still possess a fine elegance in the way you move. How at times it reminds me of a graceful swan floating down a lake. 

I love your hands - they are so pretty and dainty and soft, I want to hold them all day and all night

And most of all;

I love you

I love you in your entire

I could go ahead and pick the parts I love most and least but then you would no longer be you

I love you in your entire

Flaws and all

I know this may not be the most romantic, especially considering you’re reading this through Minecraft and I've never done this before but I had to let you know

Love 

Yn

Taglist: [open] @ladyrenart

note: sooo this is another style that i tried and i have mixed feelings about it :) also if you can’t tell,,, i’ve never written a love letter before :’)

[reighlee-greaves]

Snapped : Tom Hiddleston x Reader

So this is a collaboration between me and @just-the-hiddles who is responsible for half of the dialogue and the header image. I would like to thank @just-the-hiddles for giving me the idea for this x reader.

-Summary- Tom and the reader get into a heated argument about a photo that the paparazzi snapped of her and her ex Sebastian Stan. To apologise Tom enlists the help of Benedict.

Tag list

@just-the-hiddles

@confetti-its-an-imagine-blog

Masterlist

———————————————————————

Tom hadn't glanced at his phone that morning until well after his run. When he picked it up, he found himself bombarded with voice messages and texts. They all were about one thing. He clicked on one of the links to find a headline from the Daily Mail blaring out him: Hiddles Out, Seb In. Romance Rekindled.

Tom's face paled as he scrolled to find a grainy photo of you looking rather cozy with your ex, Sebastian Stan. Without another thought, Tom grabbed his keys and headed towards your place.

“Tom, what are you doing here our date isn’t until tomorrow?” you asked Tom.

Tom barged through the door, his face red. "Care to explain this?!" he yelled as he shoved his phone in your face.

“Tom I—“ you began only to be cut off by Tom’s frantic pacing.

“—I, I, I," he mocked. "You can't even come up with a plausible lie for why you were photographed with your ex."

“Ok, Tom if you calm down I can explain why I was with Seb in the first place.”

"Calm down!!? I will not fucking calm down! My phone is filled with messages and texts of condolences, of questions. You've humiliated me publicly and you tell me to calm down?!" Tom seethed. His hands flexed at his side, a death grip on his phone.

You took a step back, away from him.

“Tom I didn’t mean to humiliate you. I bumped into Sebastian, and he congratulated me on our relationship. Besides, what about that photo of you and your ex that I got tagged in on Twitter the other week?”

"That's completely different! We dated for six months. And that story was about her new project, not about me having an affair. You and Sebastian were together for three years! Three years! And in case you missed it, I am apparently out and he is in!"

“So you can be friends with your exes but I can’t be friends with mine?” Your voice trembled. You had never seen Tom so mad.

"That's not the point! The point is you didn't see the problem with being photographed with him and how it would affect me. Affects us. And if you don't see the problem with that, I'm not sure this relationship can work." Tom's shoulders slumped.

“I cannot believe that you just said that Thomas Hiddleston!” you yelled in frustration.

"I can't believe you would cheat on me. But here we are. Goodbye." Tom turned and left as quickly as he came.

Once the door slammed behind him, he only then allowed the tears to fall. As he walked down the sidewalk, with shaking hands, he punched in a familiar number.

"Ben? Can I come by? Yeah. It's about that. Thanks."

-

Ben steepled his fingers in front of his mouth as Tom stood huffing in front of him.

"If you are done with your tantrum, can I say something?"

“What?!” Tom snapped.

Ben leaned back at Tom's tone."Okay, first of all, there is no need to snap my head off. You called me. I am here to help you."

“I’m sorry Ben, I didn’t mean to snap at you.” Tom replied before sighing. “I’m just frustrated.”

"In more ways than one, I'm sure." Ben chuckled to himself.

"What I was trying to say before you turned into a small child was... exes are exes for a reason. She is a good person. I am sure there is a innocent explanation."

“Like what Ben, they just happened to bump into each other?” Tom questioned as he slumped further into Ben’s sofa.

"Perhaps. That does happen. You know how you sometimes just bump to your exes." Ben raised a knowing eyebrow. "The point is coincidences happen. And the paparazzi are ruthless. But you can't let them get inside your head."

“But it’s Sebastian Stan we’re talking about!” Tom crowed.“They were together for three years Ben, THREE YEARS! He was her first everything.”

"And you can be her last everything. But not if you don't pull your head out of arse and talk to the poor girl. Honestly, you are about to ruin the best thing in your life over a single photo."

“What do I say to her, Ben, I’ve already lost her.”

Benedict moved to sit next to Tom. He clapped his hand on Tom's knees. “Use all those big words you learned at Cambridge. Tell her you love her. Tell her you were a prized idiot for ever letting her get away. Tell her you will spend the rest of your days proving to her you are worthy of her love. Tell her she is your one.”

Tom sighed as he let Ben’s words sink in. “ Do you think you and Sophie could help me with that?”

Ben smiled. "I believe that can be arranged."

The Next Day

You awoke to a constant pounding against your front door. As you stumbled to the door, bathrobe wrapped around, you opened the door to find Sophie standing there, two coffees in hand.

"Get dressed, we're going shopping."

“Alright, alright, I’m coming hold on.” you groaned as she invited Sophie inside.

Sophie settled herself onto a kitchen chair, and slid one of the coffee cups in your direction. "Here, I got it how you like it."

“Thanks Soph, give me about twenty minutes and I’ll be ready.”

Sophie yelled after as you trot off to get ready. "I'll be waiting with bells on!"

Once you were out of sight, Sophie whipped out her phone and typed a message off to Ben.

Got her to agree to shopping. You should have several hours to get things ready. Don't fuck this up.

After an agonisingly slow twenty minutes you were ready. “Let’s go, Soph.”

"Took you long enough. I was about ready to make myself some lunch."

You shot daggers at Sophie.

"Now..." Sophie linked arms with you as both of you exited the house. "...what's new with you?"

“Oh nothing much, I bumped into Sebastian the other day and the paparazzi caught us. I think Tom’s mad at me even though we weren’t doing anything.” you explained.

"I didn't realize you and Seb were still close. How many years were you together again?" Sophie asked, acting stupid.

“We were together for three years, Soph. We still chat every so often but it means nothing. We’re friends now. But nothing more.” you replied.

Sebastian and you broke because of many things. Partially because of the long distance, and also the fact that you wanted to settle down and have a few children. Sebastian wanted to pursue his acting career longer before settling down with a wife and kids. He still wanted the life of a bachelor.

”Have you told Tom that? Or the reasons you and Sebastian broke up?"

“I tried to Sophie, but he stormed out of my house before I could. He didn’t even say goodbye.” you sighed.

"Try harder. He looks like he is made of marble, but his heart is as fragile as glass. He must care about you to have such a vehement reaction."

“I know, I know, but I have no idea how to tell him. It’s hard for me to express myself, you know?”

“For two such sensitive and dramatic people, the both of you are horrid at saying what you feel." Sophie taunted. "How about calling him up and saying 'I love you' and I want to be with you and only you?"

“That is the sort of thing you say in person.” you responded.

"Then what are we waiting for?" Sophie grabbed your arm and pulled you down the street off towards Tom's.

-

“Ben, has Sophie text you yet to see when she’s bringing you here?” Tom asked as he paced up and down his kitchen.

Benedict fished his phone out of his pocket. As he scrolled through his messages, his eyes widened. "They are on their way over right now."

“Shit!” mumbled a panicked Tom.

“How do I look? Do I look ok? Do I smell?” Tom asked a smirking Benedict.

Benedict picked at Tom's sweater, smoothing it out. "Like sex on a stick, mate." He gave Tom a wink.

“Ok, ok I can do this...” Tom whispered to himself as the doorbell rang. Tom whipped back around to Ben for a moment. "No, I can't! You answer the door." Tom shoved Benedict towards the foyer.

"Are you serious!?" Ben protested. "This is your house and if I answer the door, it will be even more awkward than it already is. So man up and answer the damn door!" Benedict pushed Tom hard causing him to stumble, falling against the front door.

"Is everyone alright in there?" Sophie's voice called out from the other side of the door.

“Just a moment!” Tom yelled back.

“Ok what do I say to her, do I say hi or hello or—“ Tom rambled only to get cut off by Ben.

"I swear to God man, if you don't open that door right now and let my wife and your girlfriend in right this second, I am telling this story at your wedding. Pull yourself together!" Ben hissed before disappearing to the kitchen.

“Ok I got this.” Tom said as he opened the door.

"About bloody time." Benedict muttered just out of sight.

"Tom!" Sophie greeted him with a warm hug. “Guess who I brought with me." She tugged you into view.

“Hello ladies.” Tom greeted the pair with a smile. "Please come on in.”

You shuffled in behind Sophie and gave Tom an awkward smile.

"So... Thomas," Sophie interjected. "Where is my impossible husband?"

“Ah, he’s in the kitchen.”

"Then I shall see myself that way." Sophie exited before giving time for either of you to protest.

“So Tom how are you?” you asked awkwardly as you stepped into the living room.

"I've been better." Tom commented as he followed you into the room. He offered you her favourite spot on the sofa which you took and he sat down in the chair across from her. "And you?"

“I’ve had better days. We need to talk about yesterday.”

"I'm sorry I overreacted.” Tom started in. “It's just that you were dating Sebastian for so long and this relationship is new. I worried about losing you." Tom reached out to grab your hand, giving it a slight squeeze. "And I care about you too much to have that happen."

“No I’m the one who should apologise, I didn’t tell you I bumped into Sebastian before you saw those photos.” You squeezed his hand back before continuing. “I care about you too, and I should have been upfront about everything at the start of our relationship. I guess I was scared of losing you too.”

Tom chuckled. "Sounds like both of us are just a bunch of sorry fools. Forgive me?" He looked at you with hopeful eyes.

“Of course I forgive you, will you forgive me too?”

Tom leaned over, his hand ran along the curve of your cheek. "Always, my love." He pressed his lips against hers for a moment.

Only to be interrupted by cheers from the kitchen.

Tom chuckled. "I believe we have an audience. Come out, you two!" He called out to Ben and Sophie.

“So now that that’s out of the way, what is that delicious smell?” you asked as you sniffed the air.

Benedict poked his head around the corner. "Steak frites. Your favourite."

Sophie snuck around the corner. "Now if you don't mind us, we need to get back to the babysitter. We'll show ourselves out."

Once Sophie and Ben left, you turned to Tom with your arm stretched out. “Come eat with me please?”

"With pleasure."

[xxisxxisxxis]

Shining Star | Part Two

[Axl Rose x OC]

Words: 3.1k

Warning(s): Explicit language, mentions of suicide

Tag list: @teller258316 @reigns420 @xpoisonousrosesx @oskea93 @blowinmeupwithherlove @redlipscrystalskies14 @sparxx27 @kaitieskidmore1 @sublimeprincesswasteland

LET ME KNOW IF YOU WANT TO BE TAGGED

"Pretty as a picture." I say to myself, swiping lipstick across my lips in the bathroom mirror before I click the tube shut and make sure my hair looks good. 

My stomach churns at the thought of seeing Tommy...and Vince. 

I haven't spoken a word to Vince since he got Tami pregnant a year and a half ago, and I haven't spoken to Tommy since he leapt out of my bedroom window after 3 minutes of awkward sex. 

"Do you fuck all of your friends?" My mother's words come back to bite me in the ass as I groan out in frustration. 

The only plus to any of this is that I'll get to hang out with Viv. 

There. Viv. Just focus on Vivian. 

I leave the bathroom and glance around to see if I see any familiar faces. 

Nope. 

I pull the skirt of my dress down a little and rub my lips together, people passing left and right, looking either too drunk to be bothered or too busy. 

"Tansy?" I hear a confused voice and look straight ahead, seeing Vivian by the payphone. 

"Hey!" I reply excitedly, rushing to her as fast as I can, being careful not to trip over my feet adorned in red heels. 

Vivian Sixx—Kinston at that point—had a ballet scholarship to Juilliard, never missed a Sunday church service, and was one of those annoyingly gorgeous girls that genuinely thought they were ugly. She couldn't stand her red hair because she was teased in middle school and called "firecrotch," she hated her freckles and her height because she'd been compared to a giraffe--"tall as shit with brown spots"--and the fact her mom was a batshit crazy Jesus lunatic never helped matters…but that stuff was all in her head because after middle school, guys looked at her differently, Jesus-lover and all. She saw annoying traits, but most people saw legs a mile long, a unique hair color that stood out in the sea of bleach blonde, freckles that framed emerald green eyes, and a heart as kind and beautiful inside as she was on the outside. 

She's always said I was the most gorgeous woman she'd ever met, but she is, to me, the most stunning. 

She didn't have to try to get anybody's attention, she walked in a room and she had it--so much so that Matt Sorum called her "Fire Woman" after The Cult song because he claimed that's the first thing that came to mind when he first saw her walking back stage at his first gig with Guns N' Roses. "She could give me the fucking clap and I'd kiss her feet for it." He told me, his facial expression mimicking someone who'd been struck by lightening twice…

People always looked at her like that but she rarely noticed because she'd be too busy looking up at Nikki with utter hearts in her eyes, but we'll get into that later.

"What are you doing here?" She asks me curiously. 

"Vince called me and wanted me to come." I explain and she raises her brows. 

"Vince?" She asks and I nod. "The same Vince that cheated on you multiple times Freshman year? And your entire relationship?"

"It's been, what, four years?" I ask, in reference to how long it's been since he and I started dating. "Maybe he's grown up a little." I suggest and she just clears her throat, cueing the hollering of an angry girl.

"Fuck you! Piece of shit! Motherfucker!" She shouts, the sound of her hitting Vince gets louder and she stomps down the hall as he follows after her, continuously trying to get her attention by saying "babe" repeatedly. 

"My pants! Babe!" He's fully in sight now as she stomps off...and he's fully naked.

"Fuck you!" She calls back to him, leaving him behind. 

"I fucking love those pants." He whines, disappointed, cupping his dick. 

"Your swimsuit parts are out." Vivian tells him, and he and I make contact over her shoulder, my nerves tensing up anxiously as he looks at me with a grin. 

"Hey, Tans." He says to me, about to come closer but Vivian stops him. 

"Go put some clothes on." She orders to him and he rolls his eyes, turning and walking away, his butt shining as he leaves. "You had sex with that." She reminds me and I frown slightly. 

"Yeah, he hasn't changed a bit has he?" I ask her and she shakes her head a little. 

"He's gotten worse." She states. "Alright, c'mon, let's go see Tommy." She takes my hand and leads me to where he is, my heart nearly beating out of my chest. 

How awkward is this going to be? 

We turn the corner and see him and two other guys standing in their street clothes, and when Tommy sees me, all my nerves dissipate because he completely makes me forget our awkward sex never even happened. 

"Tansy fucking Reilen!" He exclaims excitedly as I walk to him to hug him. 

He leans down to reach my 5'3" height and wraps his arms tightly around me. 

"Hey, Tommy!" I reply, just as happy. 

This is the first time he, Vivian, and I, will be hanging out together...Viv's been having to hangout with us separately because we've been avoiding each other for the most part. I guess we don't have to, anymore. 

He releases me, immediately turning to the ball of teased, jet black hair. 

"This is Nikki," he informs me, "the band's bassist." 

Hazel eyes--nearly green--look down at me behind his hair, traveling down my face, to my chest, down my legs, and back up again, the tiniest, mischievous smirk on his lips, and I raise my brow a tiny bit…

Trouble. Trouble. Trouble. Trouble. Is exactly what Nikki was, and it was all he and I could get ourselves into for years to follow.

"And this is Tansy." Tommy tells Nikki, oblivious to how he's looking at me.

"Nice to meet you." I tell Nikki. 

"Yeah." He replies. 

"And Mick, our guitarist." Tommy says next, nodding to the shorter man who's also got jet black hair. 

"Hi." I say to him. 

He just gives a small smile and mumbles, "hey."

"He's a little quiet but when you get to know him he opens up." Tommy says to me, quietly as Vince reappears with clothes on. "We were about to head to the rainbow," he starts next, his eyes flickering to Viv. "If someone's willing to stay out late." 

"Fine." Vivian doesn't argue, sighing out. 

"Hallelujah. Thank fuckin' God." Vince pipes, sliding his arm around my shoulder, making me roll my eyes. 

The entire time to the Rainbow, Vivian and Nikki are constantly back and forth, tearing each other new assholes and going for each other's throats. I don't know what beef they have with each other but it's brutal and borderline sex fueled. 

Once we get to the bar and grill, I drag Viv to the bathroom with me so I can touch up my makeup. 

"So…" I start, looking in the mirror, "...have you lost your virginity yet?" 

"No." She says it as if she's slightly offended. 

"Oh." 

"Why?" 

"It's just…" I start but quickly decide that it'll just piss her off, probably. "Nothing." 

"Tansy." She sighs, irritated. "What is it?" 

"Nothing. I just thought you and that Nikki guy have messed around." I shrug and she looks like she's seen a ghost. 

"I—ew why would you think that? We haven't." She insists and I hold my hands up in surrender. 

"I'm sorry, I just thought you had." I tell her. 

"What makes you think we have?" 

"There's a tension." The words are framed by a smirk and she widens her eyes. 

"There is not a tension. There is so not a tension." She gets it out without laughing although I can tell she wants to. “We argue. All the time. He thinks I’m a self-righteous prude and I think he’s the spawn of Satan. If there’s a tension, it’s because we hate each other.”

"You don't have to like someone to have sex with them." I inform her, speaking from experience of the guys who've had sex with me without giving a damn, and me having sex with guys I didn't necessarily like just to make them happy. "I really like him for you, though. You get all riled up and firey when he's around." 

"Oh, please." She rolls her eyes. 

“I just met the guy and I can tell he has you acting different. You used to be so quiet and shy around people you don’t really know, now you’re jumping in to conversations just to piss him off and prove him wrong.”

“Because I don’t like him.” She shakes her head. “And he doesn’t like me. That’s where the tension comes from. See? It’s full-circle.”

"Hate-sex is always an option." I suggest. 

"Do not even start." She scolds me, pointing her finger. 

"What? It gets rid of all the aggression and ill feelings." I explain. 

“So does their shows. Did you know they encourage people to get their feelings out during a show so they go home chilled out and not so uptight?” she tells me and I look at her, not even the slightest bit convinced. “And it works.”

“Yeah, until he gets off stage and then you get all hot and bothered.” I reply with a grin. 

“I get hot because he’s Devil-Spawn and the heat from hell radiates off of him and I get bothered because he’s an arrogant idiot.”

“Or you like him and don’t know why you do so you displace your frustration and confusion on to him.” I shoot back. “I was honestly joking about the hate sex okay? I don’t want you to go jump in to bed with him if you don’t want to but you two were fighting like cats and dogs the whole time we were on our way here. I think you should try to let whatever kind of bravery he evokes in you come out in a way that’s not in the form of riled up anger or fiery hatred.” I recommend and she nods a little. “Now, c’mon because I have a slutty blonde waiting.”

That was the night Mötley Crüe was signed to Elektra records by rock-god signing Tom Zutat, who's responsible for record companies grasping ahold of a plethora of leather-patented hair metal douchebags that could make good music and snort their way through long enough power rails of coke that once they reach the end of white powder without flinching, China's on the other side. But you want to know a secret? It was all bullshit. Every person I've met in that rock scene, you know, the ones that despised the term "hair metal" yet teased their hair two feet above their heads and played heavy metal? Yeah, them. Every single one of them had this "I was made for this shit" attitude. 

Some of them nearly put bullets through their head, OD'd, hung themselves, turned their cars on and locked themselves in their garage...even the ones that hadn't purposely tried to take themselves out either almost pushed it too far and died accidentally from too much booze or drugs or vehicle accidents, or did push it too far. 

They weren't made for it. 

Nobody's fucking made for millions of people wanting a piece of them every single night, management running them to their grave for more money, dealers keeping them numb, all their relationships just exploding in their faces, all of their "friends" wanting more and more and more. 

They thought they were made for it because when someone gets a taste of what they decide the universe or God or whoever or whatever destined for them to become, they take it and run with it without reading the fine print. 

They see the fame without the lack of privacy and hangers-on. 

They see the fans without the people who hate their guts and make it known. 

They see the money without the gold diggers. 

They see the excess without the high risk that comes with taking advantage of having everything with the snap of their fingers. 

They see the glutton without the punishment. 

Until they're standing on the railing of the balcony of their Hollywood penthouse, their best friend trying to talk them down while the police are on their way. 

And then of course when they do turn up dead by suicide, people talk their typical, "how awful, they killed themselves in their mansion, surrounded by their expensive furniture, wearing their expensive clothes, with millions—possibly billions—in their bank account, how sad for them, boohoo." 

As someone who's been dirt broke, to the point of getting my water cut off and having to shower at a friend's house, but then growing up to have more money than I knew what to do with aside from blow it on drugs? Money doesn't buy happiness, jerkoffs. It can buy distractions to buffer pain and suffering, sure, but once the high wears off, or that new car loses its luster, or that new house starts to feel fucking empty, all while that wall full of awards and plaques and magazine posters cementing your fame and worth and stake in the industry you sold your soul for just reminds you that you don't even recognize who the hell you are anymore and nothing can change that...you get fucking depressed. Hate to say it. Hate to be the bearer of bad news, that even though you're poor as shit and are depressed as shit that even if you had money and fame you'd still be fucking sad. But I'd rather tell you the truth than sell you the fallacy that me and everybody else I was friends with bought, that landed every single one of us in situations where we felt we had no other way except to just off ourselves all while remembering when we were stupid enough to proudly say: "I was made for this." 

People are made for this like Matthew Trippe replaced Nikki Sixx, which—if you want the truth—is complete bullshit.

“He said we could possibly score a five album deal, Viv, why aren’t you happy about this? I thought you wanted us to get signed?” Tommy asks Vivian as she slings her keys across the guys' shitty living room, pissed beyond measure.

“You just told me you were dropping out of school, Tommy! We are so close to graduating, can’t you just wait?!” 

“No, I can’t! I can’t just wait because what I wanted is happening and I need to focus on the band right now more than ever!” He argues while motioning to Nikki and Vince, who, like me, are being smart and staying near the door incase we need to get out of sight once Vivian and Tommy kill each other.

“Your education should be your main focus, at least until you graduate! You are so close to being done, Tommy, why can’t you just—“

“Because I don’t give a fuck about school, Vivian! What I am passionate about doesn’t require a diploma, and I’m sorry if me dropping out makes you feel like I’m leaving you behind or whatever the fuck you feel, but I’m not sorry for wanting to focus on my main priority!”

“What I’m hearing is that I wasted hours of my time throughout school trying to tutor you and help you all for you to throw it away on the idea of being some hot-shot rockstar with girls and drugs and booze—”

“Oh, my God, you act like you would have had better things to do with that wasted time!” He sounds like he already knows he's gonna lose the argument while Vivian just rolls her jaw. “And it’s not a fucking idea, it’s fucking reality and you’re only mad because you have no control over it!”

“I’m mad because we talked about this and everything we agreed on, everything we promised each other, is absolute void to you now that it’s actually happening!” 

“Shit changes, Viv, people change! What I considered important junior year is completely different than what I consider important now.” He calms down, sighing. 

“We agreed we would both graduate high school and I could either put off college or drop out if I needed to...” she trails off, her voice shaking slightly with oncoming tears, making me feel bad for her. “That was our plan to avoid this from happening. To avoid you leaving me behind.” Now it's crystal clear why she's freaking out over them being offered a record deal. “You considered me important junior year when you came up with that plan. When you promised me you wouldn’t go on to bigger things without me and forget me. And now...” She takes a step back, while Tommy attempts to walk to her. 

“Viv, I didn’t mean it like that.” He tries to tell her. 

“No, you’re right.” she replies, her body shaking a little. “Shit changes.” I raise my brow because I've never heard her curse before. “People change.” She keeps on. “Glad this is happening now, though, so I don’t waste any more time on a completely different page than you, Tommy.” Her voice cracks a little and she grabs her keys quickly.

“Viv—“ Tommy tries to grab her arm as she heads to the door but she snatches away from him. “Fuck you.” she cracks, her voice barely coming out as tears spill over her  lashes. 

Nikki and Vince step aside to let her leave all while I contemplate following her, but if I know Vivian, I know she likes to think about things when she's upset, rather than just talk them out with someone. Which is the only time she likes to be alone. 

She just slams the door on us, and Tommy. 

Most definitely wouldn't be the last time she did that.

"Tommy, are you—"

"—I'm goin' home." He grumbles, grabbing his keys, and me and Nikki and Vince all look at each other. 

"Tommy, you are home?" Nikki reminds him. 

"I'm stayin' with my folks so I can vent to my sister because she's the only one who knows Viv good enough to know she's being fuckin' unreasonable." He states. 

"I barely know her and I can tell you she's unreasonable." Nikki scoffs, earning a glare. "Sorry, man." He mumbles in return. 

"Bye." Tommy says, closing the door behind him. 

"Well...I'm gonna go find a chick to fuck." Vince says, stretching.

"You got one right here." Nikki chuckles looking at me and I raise my brows. 

"Not since I knocked Tami up." Vince reads my mind and I nod. 

"Exactly." I reply. 

"Who?" Nikki asks. 

"Nobody. Don't wait up." He tells us, opening the door and leaving, too, more than likely heading to the strip club down the street. 

"So, like, how old are you?" Nikki asks. 

"Why?" 

He just gets a shit eating grin on his lips.