#and god what a wonderful person Shinae is honestly she is too wonderful ;A;

[trashlie]

What are your thoughts on Episode 179? (Spoiler)

My heart ACHED reading Nol's monologue :( Though I honestly didn't expect that he pretended to be their friend at the beginning, I thought forming real friendships was part of what he wanted to do even if it wasn't meant to benefit him personally. Makes it all the more wholesome to see that those connections became real for him & that his act stopped being an act though.

Also! I'm giggling at the fact that Alyssa was not even once seen in his flashbacks, I think that indicates their relationship is one that started off fake and still remains fake - initially I believed he genuienely felt some sort of a spark before they got together but with that and him not even trying to keep her from Yui's claws? Seems like he only wanted to help her and entered this relationship because she wanted (like he mentioned at the formal), because if he thought he was doing something good pretending to be people's friend, why would it be any different with him pretending to be someone's boyfriend to bring them happiness? Now, the reason he doesn't do anything against Yui's claws on her I think is primarily because Alyssa isn't hurting from her influence - quite the opposite even: her career started off because of Yui. At the same time Alyssa also idolizes her - so unlike Shin-ae - Alyssa, despite being manipulated, isn't being hurt.

That aside! I absolutely LOVED to see the shift in Nol throughout his conversation with Shin-ae. At the beginning it was obvious he didn't want this interaction, he was so shocked to hear Shin-ae and immediately wanted to know if she heard what he said because he didn't want her to have heard all of that. It's sad really..to think he never planned on telling anyone this (Shin-ae did so well proving him wrong through pointing out the lack of logic in his thinking because it's true - Nol being out of the picture wouldn't protect her from Yui. She's right, he truly is an idiot! lol).

He didn't want to call her by first name too..To see the distance he put between himself and Shin-ae hurt so much :( Although he so wanted to close it. Touching the wall seperating them in such a longing way.."You're special to me too" "I didn't know you feel that way about me.." *touches the wall* he was so ready to close the distance after hearing everything she said😭 AND MAN THE LITTLE SCREAM I LET OUT WHEN I SAW HIS HAND ON THE RAILING! He's finally closing the distance and facing her! The jokes last week about them pulling a Romeo and Juliet were funny but seeing it actually play out? Damn, that suprised me😂 Probably because us Stalkyoo shippers know better than to get our hopes up after all this pain.

Next week's episode can't come soon enough

Sorry for taking so long to reply to this Nonny - I know I've been sitting on it for ages but I just haven't been in the headspace to give this the reply it deserves til now!

I hope everyone has their spoilers tags on because there's no way I can block the contents this ask if you don't lol Still I'll stick it under a read more because we all know I'm far too verbose!

I agree with you that it never crossed my mind that the relationships were all meant to be fake! I've been mulling over it a bit and I'd like to cobble together a post later about this that goes deeper into it, but it's definitely made me reconsider certain scenes. One such scene is the confrontation between Kousuke and Nol in episode 57 where Kousuke not-so-subtly implies that he thinks Nol is interested in Shinae/looks like he's cheating (lol?) and Nol closes his eyes when he delivers the line "What's it going to take for people to understand I'm only seeking something platonic?" This rides on the coattails of Shinae also accusing Nol of being a flirt and states that she doesn't want his girlfriend to have the wrong idea. We know that when characters close their eyes, they're masking in some manners. Sometimes that mask is a facade, sometimes that mask is a lie. This whole time, I believed something about his delivery was a lie - and again, following hotly on Shinae's accusations, it's easy to assume Nol was lying and that he was interested in Shinae. (There's a point I'd like to bring up in that aforementioned post about Shinae smiling and Nol's reaction, but that's an entirely other point lol.) I didn't think that was the case - though I guess it could have been that he was and didn't yet realize it - but now we know why. Nol wasn't even seeking anything platonic. He wasn't intentionally seeking anything!

That said, I do think the point in which Nol had begun to see his friendship with Shinae was real came earlier, though I'm not quite sure yet what point I think that was. Regardless, learning Nol's motives make it really interesting to look back on certain scenes and statements Nol made. Like you, I thought he was intentionally being the friend he wished he had to other people but believed he was undeserving of such friendships, and while clearly those feelings of undeserving still qualify here, there's something incredibly tragic to me, about Nol trying to repent for whatever sin he believes he carries, by helping people in the ways he can't be helped. That line about wanting to help someone and make their situation better, even if that can't be the same for him, was so sad. But yes, I agree that's what makes it so beautiful that those friendships blossomed and became real to him.

I've said this before but I think a major issue Nol deals with is obviously that he doesn't see himself the way others see him. He knows only the things about himself he hates and the things he thinks he can't change - whatever happened in the past that he believes himself at fault for overshadows everything else to such a degree that he certainly never expected he'd get attached to these people he was helping. But as we've seen with Shinae, the help he gives them comes back to him and I don't think he realized it would sway him so much and make turn them into such important people to him. That's the most beautiful thing to me, when he confesses how important they all are to him, how much they mean to him, that no he doesn't WANT to give them up he just feels like he must. Because even though the friendships were, to some degree, forged through a lie, it's the fact that they did ultimately mean anything to him that matters in the end. His motives weren't genuine but the relationships that came from them are.

That's why I don't even mind how long it took to get to this point. Almost thirty chapters of just absolute heartbreak and angst met with such a surprising reveal just gives so much more depth to it, I think. Nol struggled so hard and tried so hard but in the end, he can't resist these people, his friends, the few people he cares about. That's how important they all are to each other and GOD I'm eating it UP! I'd also like to point out how remarkable it is that even though Nol has known Dieter and Soushi longer (and presumably those relationships became long ago), Shinae only just entered the picture and Nol still was unable to resist forming that friendship with her, his charity help went so wildly out of control lol

And YES it did not miss me that Nol never mentioned Alyssa amongst the people he said are important to him and I don't think it's because she's separate to them - Alyssa used to part of his group with Dieter and Soushi! I think there's also a pointed divide drawn for us because it was while Nol was being a miserable grump with Alyssa that he found himself wishing he was elsewhere. I'm not going to say that I think being around her makes him miserable and given the chance he might even have invited her to the party but.... I do think there's a pointed message there. I think you are definitely right, too. I had always assumed that Nol just went along with it to try it or because he had hoped a friend turned girlfriend would be some kind of comfort for the loneliness he carries and how isolated he felt with his family and expected that maybe it meant there would be someone on his side, to whom he could open up. But, and I could be wrong, I get the feeling Nol has never opened up to Alyssa. At best, she seems aware of how his family treats him (he's told her that she knows he's invisible to his family) and yet she still speaks of Yui the way she does. While I feel that this might be a facade, and that Alyssa might have some feelings about Yui developing that are not favorable towards her, she still stays such nice things about her to Nol's face and thus I can't buy that Nol has opened up to her.

So longwinded lol yes I think Nol entered the "relationship" full well knowing that Alyssa wasn't interested in him and that feelings would never develop because it was his way of benefitting and helping her as he'd done with Soushi and Dieter before. That he'd seen her as a lonely girl who needed a friend like the others and it lead to the way she used him. I do still think he tried to make it real, maybe without realizing it the same way as the other relationships became real, because the hurt he demonstrates about Alyssa isn't nothing. He doesn't like being slighted by her, he seemed really bothered that she pays attention to other people and none to him, and yes this might be simply BECAUSE they were friends but I'm thinking it might be because formal put a lot of things in perspective for Nol. Whether or not he was aware of it before, I think it was the Kim formal that made him very aware that Shinae had become a real friend to him and not only was someone he'd grown to care about - but also cares about him. I think that's why he called her over to break up. Nol had realized that this relationship wasn't benefitting him the same way - that he was helping her career in hopes of alleviating his own guilt, but all it did was made him feel worse. Honestly I have to come back to this point in another post because I do have some Feelings about things and I'm already getting carried away lol but the bottom line is

Yes I think Nol has realized that his relationship with Alyssa isn't the same as his relationship with Shinae, Dieter, and Soushi.

But also yes to get to the rest of the point, Nol only shields Shinae from Yui because Shinae is aware of who Yui is and what she's capable of. Prior, he never tried to sway her opinion of Yui, or even tell her that Yui isn't HIS mom. It's only because Yui has tried to harm Shinae that Nol seems involved at all, so right, I don't think he would try to pull Alyssa away from her. Firstly, she seems to view Yui in a good light, secondly, Yui has basically propelled her career, so how would it look for him to go "hey by the way Yui is fuckin AWFUL" you know? That's the thing with abusers - to others, they don't look capable of what they do. Alyssa and Nol have so many issues that if he were to bring it up, I don't know how well it would even go. Would she even believe him?

Anyway! The other feelings and thoughts!!!!!! I'm over the moon with Nol literally closing the distance. All the time he was "chasing" Shinae with friendship, it was never authentic, and then she spent so much time chasing him so sincerely, so it's only right that after all the effort she's made, he's the one to make the effort. Earlier, when he started to go to her when she was Minhyuk, he told himself he'd regret it and we could tell he wasn't totally ready to go through with it, but the choice to freaking climb up to the rooftop was his conscious choice. Whether or not it means he's going to still pull away I'm not sure, but I think if he made that effort, it's because he's made up his mind.

At the beginning of the chapter, he talked like he was still ready to leave them, even though it was clear he didn't WANT to. Confessing their importance? HELLO! But yes, by having a conversation he never meant to have, by revealing things he meant to carry with him forever, he had to face a new decision. If these people are so important, you don't HAVE to leave. That whole exchange between him and Shinae at the end, throwing each other's words back at each other? "Did you really mean it?" "Every last word" Like, you know that's the moment he made up his mind. Why go to her otherwise, right? To say goodbye for real? No, I don't think so, and if that's his intention, I'll be so mad lol cos Shinae gave him the go ahead to leave with her closure. That exchange felt so much like making up and starting anew - admissions that yes you are an important friend to me, yes you mean so much to me, yes I care about you.

And YES it was so important to me!! That Shinae called him out on his dumb his way of thinking was. How is leaving going to protect her when she's already in Yui's clutches? Come on dude!

But yeah, I find it really sad that he never seemed to intend to say any of that to her. Nol has probably never opened up to anyone and just keeps everything locked inside, assuming people are better off distanced from him and unaware of what his situation is like. Between everything Shinae has learned from Kousuke and the truths Nol finally revealed, I think she definitely has a much better understanding even without Nol saying what he thinks he's atoning for. And I think that's also why she wasn't upset about the realization that their friendship DID start off fake - that he HADN'T meant they made a great team. It's not like she was actually eager to be his friend, either, and by the time she was comfortable with him, I think their friendship was real. In the same way that Nol won Shinae over, she won him over, and I think she's able to understand that. Even though he's hurt her, she cares about him enough that now that it's all cleared up, they can start fresh.

AND GOD IF THAT'S NOT SUCH A FACTOR IN THE STUPID WAY I SHIP THEM UGH. It's like... it would be so easy and valid for Shinae to be upset about Nol. For the lies, for starting friendships he didn't intend to follow through, for the fact that he really did intend to leave them, for the way she bared her heart to him and he just walked away, for the fact that she couldn't get him to tell HER these things and she had to overhear it when he broke. And YET! UGH I love them and I love them for finally being on the same level, for Nol taking a step to her. I hope in time he will open up to her more, or at least learn to lean on them and accept their love. But god what a beautiful start.

I HAVE SO MANY FEELINGS UGH.

Nol and Shinae both are people who have spent so much time being so lonely which is what makes it so BEAUTIFUL that they formed this friendship - when BOTH of them tried to resist it, when neither one of them truly wanted to be friends lol he literally was just trying to help her and she was trying to resist it and NOW LOOK AT THEM. LOOK AT HOW THEY ARE STILL DRAWN TO EACH OTHER UGGH I LOVE IT. Nol's inability to fight off how much he's grown to care about his friends and how much they've grown to meant to each other. He's known Shinae MERE MONTHS and yet he was in the alley confessing his truths to her cat COME ON!!!!!!!

If nothing else this reveal reinforces what I've always strongly believed: Nol and Shinae make each other into better people. Nol's inability to fight his friendship becoming genuine, to resist growing to care about her, the way he can't truly stay away just really proves how deep that bond has already become in such a short time. Though he set out with selfish reasons, he still wanted to help everyone and made a point to do so, to reach through Shinae's mask and break the hard shell she was isolating herself in. That still comes from concern. They really just bring something important out of each other and GOD I love it. The fact that he tried to fight it but in the end, he couldn't: the friendships were real. UGH MY HEART ;A;

[theglowyscorpio]

all set | eren x reader

a/n: this is a story in the making, currently available at AO3 and Wattpad. If you like it, please don't hesitate to give me some kudos, leave a comment or maybe follow me on my social media! <3 Any feedback is highly appreciated since I'm just getting started!

pairing: eren yeager x female reader

tags: mature content, alternate universe (modern setting), college/university, recreational drug use, implied sexual content, M/F, F/F, the author is not religious lmao

word count: 4.3k

current chapters: 2/?

playlist: this one was made with a particular playlist in mind. they are really great songs that help to convey this chapter, so I hope you have a time to check them out! :)

a. slomosa - kevin b. upsahl - drugs c. rosenfeld - like u d. kaiba - overdose e. lil kapow - tinman f. bodega - how did this happen!?

***

all set

I lost count of how many parties I went to this week. There was one at Shina, another at... Sasha's. Wait, was it? Or Ymir's? Honestly, both their houses look fairly similar and we always see the same faces over and over again, regardless of where we are getting wasted. Definitely two at my house. The timeline is blurry at this point. If my liver could talk, it would spit out "Screw you, Eren." and I wouldn't be able to disagree.

Classes will start next week so everyone is acting like we're going to stop doing all this for the rest of the semester. That never happens.

I barely enter Reiner's house and the music is already piercing my head. My ears will soon tell me to go screw myself too. The bass was loud. But it was good.

— Hey, finally — Reiner says, giving a hard slap in my back. I can't even get mad at him because he probably didn't mean for it to hurt. Fucking strong bastard.

— Sorry. Lost track of time.

— You know where the things are — he leaves me behind and disappears through the noisy music.

It's hot inside. August has been particularly cruel this year. I'm using a black t-shirt, which is luckily pretty thin, and my black Adidas pants that are somewhat breathable. My hair is in a bun. I will probably be sweating soon, though. Reiner's AC won't do miracles with this amount of people since it is specially packed today. I guess I might see some new faces tonight, huh.

This fact already makes things more interesting.

I walk through the room and then arrive in the kitchen. Connie and Sasha are there.

— Eren!! — I barely open my mouth to talk and Sasha is already giving me whatever weird drink they made. Their drinks sometimes are... unusual, for the lack of a better word. Most of the time they are simply pure shit. They call it scout's fuel, always the same name regardless of what's inside. Maybe that's why my liver hates me so much.

— Thanks — I'm already used to the goddamn gasoline taste — I guess you both want to get us wasted tonight.

— It's our personal mission, so enjoy the fuel — Connie says laughing, raising his plastic cup. I love this duo – who doesn't? – and I can't help but laugh with them, even though it tastes so bad — Everyone is already here, come on — I follow them and find all the familiar faces I've seen all week: Bertholdt, Historia, Ymir, Mikasa, Annie, Armin, Jean, everyone.

The girls look hot, even though I'm used to them. Either way, I avoid hooking up with my friends since the last time didn't work so well. It's better to avoid Mikasa today.

We all sit together while drinking. I light a joint I had already prepared at home and say — Am I crazy or is Reiner's party bigger than usual? —, releasing the smoke a few seconds after. This one is the best grass we could get around our area, I've saved it primarily for today and now I see that might have been a great decision on my part. I'm glancing through the room and looking for some girls, might share this shit with one - or a few - of them later.

— Thank god, I was tired of seeing your ugly faces every fucking time — Jean says. The girls look at him and he rushes to add — I mean, the boys, of course. It's always nice looking at all of you, ladies.

It's not enough to avoid Annie's kick anyway — We can say the same of you, horse face.

Reiner arrives at the perfect time and explains — Since the new semester starts Monday, news about today traveled fast and we got a lot more company than usual.

— Do you know all of them, Reiner? — Historia asks — I've talked to a bunch of them tonight and there are people from all over the campus and from all years as well — Historia always looks pretty, her blonde hair shining even in the low light of the party. Guys make a line to talk to her at all parties so there's no surprise that she's already familiarized with the whole scenario. I wonder what Ymir thinks of it. Probably followed her during this little field trip.

— Hell, no — he grabs the joint of my hand and sucks deeply — I know some of them and some are Bertholdt's friends but there are some random people.

— I bet Reiner knows a lot of the girls — I take my joint back from his fingers — I assume they aren't Bertholdt's friends, though — and grin.

— Hey, I don't see you with any new company either, dude — Bertholdt tries to grab my weed as well, but I avoid his advances. He instead grabs my cup and drinks all of it, leaving me empty. He makes a funny face at the taste. Suit yourself, man, I think to myself, laughing on the inside.

— Yeah, but I'll work on it in a sec — I tease him knowing that he can't handle much of Sasha and Connie's fuel. He always knocks out before everyone. I hope he realizes he needs to stay awake to try anything with Annie. Someday. He simply never gets there.

Hange arrives almost falling over Ymir and spilling her drink on the floor in the process — I think we should all make a toast and make this last party a wild ride!!! — her yelling stabbing us louder than the music.

— Bitch, you are this fucking drunk already? — Ymir says to her, holding Hange's weight on her back — What the hell did the gasoline duo do to you?

— Okay okay, enough with the questions, let me fill your cups because this is the night! — Sasha says, just pouring all that mystery liquid that soon will go straight to our heads — Also, Reiner, where's the food?

We raise our plastic cups and Connie yells — To the new semester! — and we drink, feeling the immediate burn on our throats. It's hard being a scout.

— I need to get laid today — Jean says as he lays his back on the couch — Gonna arrive for the classes pretty motivated next week — he then rests his left arm at the back pillow, behind Mikasa's head.

— You should start roaming, then — her cold delivery puts Jean's subtle attempt at flirting six feet under the ground, as usual. It was pretty damn quick, but I could notice Mikasa glancing at me and then looking the other way. Yeah, I think I need to start roaming soon, too.

— That sounds great, then let's do that!!! — Hange grabs Jean by the arm and they disappear amongst the crowd.

— When all this fun ends, I'll be the one who will probably have to take him home after he gets slapped by some girls — Armin and Jean live with me so we normally go back together. Armin is the responsible one between us, which is not exactly hard considering how Jean and I are — Gonna at least drink some beer before that happens.

— I'll go with you, this drink sucks — Annie says, finishing the drink anyway and following him. We always drink the last drop of it, we never learn.

The girls went dancing, the music was exceptionally good today. A lot of bands I already liked plus some I have never heard before. I need to remember to ask Reiner for this playlist later. Connie was already surrounded by a different group, everyone likes to talk to him. He is popular. The rest dispersed as well and I could hear Hange's screams far away. This is going to be a night for her, indeed.

I start walking around, meeting a lot of people from my classes and others from the campus in general. I talk to all of them and drink a lot in the process, which feeds my need for nicotine every time. I grab my pack of cigarettes and while smoking, I see Levi.

— I must be dreaming — I say, letting the smoke leave my lips with a smile. It reaches him and looks at me with a deadly expression. He is smoking as well, but he only admits one specific brand of cigarettes and hates all the others. Levi usually doesn't show up at these "brat" parties, as he likes to say, since he's a few years older than us. I normally see him at Shina's, which is a popular club slash bar near our university. He's the owner so we all met him there, after going so many times. Shina has the best parties and the best drinks of all the clubs near us. And it couldn't be any other way, since Levi is a perfectionist. There's also a small stage there, where indie bands perform from time to time. My band does some gigs there sometimes.

— Hey — he replies, as cold as ever. He's Mikasa's cousin, so they have the same expressions and hard-to-approach vibe — Already high, I see.

— Always. In fact, today I hope to be higher than usual. What miracle brings you here?

— Some people from the staff decided to come here today so there are fewer brats to piss me off — he drinks what's probably a high priced whiskey and continues — and there's a new girl at the club so we have been showing her the area for a few weeks now.

— There's a lot of new girls here today — although I know Levi doesn't give a crap.

— So? — yeah, he doesn't.

Levi is a pretty successful business owner and even I have to admit that he's hot – is not only common knowledge but a mutual agreement between everyone –, so girls are always trying to get him, but he doesn't screw most of them. He doesn't fuck brats, period. He says he doesn't have the patience. That makes the girls even more desperate. He has the highest standards of every guy I know. When he was still in university – the same we all go –, he screwed not only the hottest girls but also the professors - which went after him and not the other way around. At least that's what I've heard. I think Levi never had to actively look for any girl, to be honest.

I can only laugh at his reply. That's just so him.

— If you want more stuff than what's already in your system, Floch is over there.

— I want, actually. I was going to look for him — I see Floch's red hair among some folks. Floch is usually as busy as Connie but with less than half of the charisma.

He finishes his cigarette, blowing its last white smoke into the air, and we both hear a loud HELL YEAH!! coming from all the other way across the room — Tsk, is that Hange?

— Pfft, it was before, I think it's Sasha now — he doesn't laugh at my reply. He never does. I think hell would freeze while heaven catches on fire.

I think about the music again. It's so good today, what the hell — Hey Levi, don't you think this playlist is too high quality for a Reiner party? I don't get it, his music taste is always pure trash.

— That's from our new girl — he drinks the last drops of his whiskey and starts to leave — You might find her around here — he then suddenly stops and looks at me — Don't get your hopes up, though.

I am not able to ask what he meant by that because he leaves too quickly. Time to look for Floch.

— Hey, Flo-

— Here.

— You didn't even let me finish.

— I know what you want. You are not in the mood for cocaine so you want MD instead, blah-blah-blah-blah. Is that kind of night — he pauses for mere seconds — Am I wrong, Eren?

— Nope, right as usual — Floch is the main person you go to when you need drugs. I mean, good drugs. He looks like your standard rich boy – which he is, by the way – that can do no wrong, but you can get the best stuff from him. I've always found this funny. The weed I have today was his work. He knows my taste well.

Reiner's frat house is huge, so there's plenty of room to walk. I'm approached by a bunch of girls on the way but for some reason, none of them piques my interest. I am pretty set on going after something new today and I have no problem getting laid. It happened every single day this week and it truly happens anytime I want. Which, okay, boosts my ego a little bit. Maybe a lot. I might even have hurt some girls in the process. I was never slapped though, unlike Jean. So that's a win in my book.

I see a few of my friends again, mainly Historia and Reiner, and they are talking to a girl I've never seen before.

She has long black hair and short messy bangs, the kind that goes a little above the eyebrows. I didn't know black hair was my thing until now. Her face has the perfect features, at least for me. She's wearing a sleeveless white top that is so tight that hugs her figure perfectly and makes her breasts look amazing. That type of top that shows the girl's side boob, and I'm a total sucker for those. It is also short so you can see a bit of her waist. And I don't even have to see her ass because I already know it is probably too damn good. Her light blue ripped jeans are cool as well and she has black sneakers. I like her style. She has a bunch of tattoos - a lot on her right arm, one on her left hand, and probably some that I couldn't see because they were behind her clothes. I intended to, though.

Fuck, she's hot.

Historia looks mesmerized talking to her, which is a very privileged view from where I stand because, as I've already said before, she is also beautiful. But she isn't exactly hot. This girl is. Way too much. Oh, and Reiner is there too. Whatever.

I can see a lot of guys want to approach her but none of them do. I went for it. Wasn't this night supposed to be wild?

— Hey, Eren! Guess what, Y/N is the new DJ at Shina! I was telling her how we go there all the time.

— Hi, Eren, nice to meet you — she says, with that kind of smile that people who know they are hot make. I do that too.

— Hey, Y/N — I say. And as I told you seconds before, I'm good with that type of smile as well so that's what she gets — Levi told me he came with the staff and a new girl, so I suppose that's you.

— Yeah, I'll start there next week.

— I talked to him about the party's playlist because I knew it couldn't be Reiner's.

— Yeah, it's Y/N's. She prepared it for the party when I invited the guys from Shina yesterday. We were in the same high school. — Reiner says that looking at me with a face that shows "See that, dickhead? I've known her for some years now".

— It's pretty good! I can't wait for the next party at Shina's to see your set! — Historia was always an angel.

REINER, WHERE'S THE REST OF THE ICE, MAN??, someone screamed far away.

— Shit. Catch up with you later, Y/N.

Too bad, huh, Reiner? He gives me a look that I can't quite figure out what it is, but I know for sure it wasn't a look of support. In the fucking slightest.

— I think Ymir is calling me as well, sorry!! — It was painfully obvious that Ymir wanted to make out with Historia for some time now. They never did. I think only Historia hasn't realized yet that Ymir is thirsty for her for god knows how long.

After Historia left, there was only me and her — So, by any chance, do you go to the same university as us? You look our age but Levi said you are new here — I tried asking this without looking at her body, but looking at her face was even worse. Her eyes were piercing me in the best way possible.

— I'm not exactly new, I'm from the same uni as you guys, but I took a gap year — she takes a sip of her drink — You probably never met me but I'm in the same year as you all are now.

Since Reiner knew her from high school, he also knew she was at the same university all along and never told any of the guys. Smart fucker.

— So that makes you a year older than me — I smirk at her.

— I guess it does — she smirks back as she lights up a cigarette and blows the smoke at me.

Ok, looking good so far.

I'm pretty high at this point, the MD and the music are making me horny, so I don't even bother to pretend that I'm not looking at her body. I'm looking at everything.

— You took something, didn't you?

— Do you want some? I can show you later where to get the best stuff. Anything you are in the mood for.

— I'm all set — she shows me her tongue and I see the acid. The view makes my own tongue feel lonely, maybe I should use it to steal that from her mouth. I hope she's horny as well.

We talk a lot about music since it's something that we both enjoy. She's passionate about it, I can tell. She asks about my band with true interest. Doesn't sound like small talk. She touches her hair and it makes me want to stuff my face in it. She has the smile that makes you want more. Her voice has the same effect.

The loud music allows us to talk near each other's ears. I hope she moans as loud as her playlist. The girls usually love my hair for some reason, either if it's in a messy bun as it is right now or if it's loose. They all love my green eyes too. She can see all that with somewhat detail since we are so close, even though it is a little dark here. If I take you to a room you can see me better, I almost blurb it out. I can see her too and that kills me.

She looks receptive to me but normally at this point I would be already hooking up with the girl. This time it isn't happening. I never have to work so much. I think I understand why the other guys didn't approach her before. She's a little intimidating to talk to, and that comes naturally to her – it doesn't seem to be on purpose. I flirt with her the way I normally do but she is hard to get, she hits every ball I throw. I remember what Levi said before. Oh, right.

But I'm vibing way too much at this point, I think if I touch any part of her I'll get hard immediately.

— This gap year you've mentioned... Did you go anywhere specific?

— I know it will sound cliché, but I went to Europe.

— Where in Europe?

— Everywhere — she says — I went down — the corner of her lips forming a smile  — And up. Everywhere. — and I can swear she sounds flirtatious as hell. I want to bite her lip.

— That sounds... Awesome. — I think she wants to bite me too, or at least I hope she does — Was there any particular reason to leave? If that's not too much to ask.

— Hm, I was kinda... — she stops to think for a few seconds as she holds her hair up and makes a ponytail, looking at the ground, the cigarette glued to her now closed lips. Her neck became exposed, it looks soft as hell and I can't wait to bruise it. She releases the smoke, that flows into the room, and looks deep into my eyes, as deep as I want to be inside her right now — ...stressed.

I reach my limit at this point.

— I can help you with the stress if you want.

— Really? — she's looking at me with the same teasing look and I'm doing the same, so we both know that's not a question I have to answer. Her tongue quickly passes through her top lip, her mouth forming a little wet smile — I don't think I need any help though.

I threw the ball and she hit a home run. My team was out.

I was not expecting that.

We hear some of the guys from Shina calling for her — Oh, they are calling me — Y/N looks at me again and says — See you around, Eren — giving me the same fucking grin I wanted to bite before.

She walks away and I see that her ass is, as I suspected from the very beginning, too damn good.

Shit. Shit, shit, shit.

After this, some time has passed. I look at the clock. Yeah, maybe a lot. I couldn't tell before because I'm drunk and drugged. I see most of my friends, all fucking wasted. Armin is holding up pretty well, Bertholdt's is knocked down for God knows how long, Mikasa probably smoked way too much weed (who am I to judge?) and looks dead on the couch. I don't see Ymir, Historia nor Reiner - there are too many people in this house to keep count. Sasha's eating something in the kitchen, I can't see what it is, but certainly, she got hungrier than normal after smoking some pot Connie gave her. Connie always holds his drinks well, he's still talking to a lot of people. I pass in front of one of the bathrooms and Hange is there, getting everything out of her system. Oh, and Ymir. There she is, holding Hange's hair, looking as pissed as ever. Levi probably went home hours ago. Jean is making out with some chick, he's going to score tonight. To be fair, he always does, but never with Mikasa.

I saw a lot of pretty girls today and I went for none of them. They tried and I shut them down, even the ones I normally fuck. There's someone I want to taste tonight and she's nowhere to be found. The guys from Shina are missing too, so I know I won't see her today anymore. Damn.

I'm not pissed at her but I'm pissed at the situation.

— Armin, I think I'm going to take off, are you coming?

— Yeah, I'm already pretty tired — he gets up — Jean's probably going to stay here.

— Yep. Probably. — Am I pissed that Jean's getting laid? Even though I could have as well? With someone else, at least? My mood feels off.

— I'm going with you too, I've lost count of how many assholes I had to shut down today. I think I even punched a few — I don't have to look to know that's Annie speaking — You were right, Eren, is it especially crowded today. In the shittiest way possible.

— Then let's go.

— Wait, I need to get my bag first, I left it in Reiner's room.

— I can get that for you, wait up.

— It's a black one. Small.

I sign a thumbs up for her and climb the stairs. I am hundred percent sure I'm going to see someone fucking there but that's the usual. I'm pretty sure I've already seen some people screwing in the corner of the living room minutes before. No one cares.

I open the door and see Y/N in her underwear, putting her white top back on. She does indeed have other tattoos.

— Hey there! — she says smiling, as she also puts her jeans back up, making little jumps so they pass through her ass. Her hair is not in a ponytail anymore.

I say hi in a confusing way.

— I came here to get my friend's bag — I look around for milliseconds like I don't know where the hell I am until I see Reiner lying - clearly naked - under his sheets. Can't be anyone else, with that bleached hair and huge biceps.

What? Ahn?

Hey... Wait a second.

Historia? Clearly naked as well? What. The. Hell. I guess she's not exactly the angel I thought she was?

They are sort of awake, sort of sleeping, kinda like on a different planet. You know, the type of thing that happens after a really strong fuck? That sort. They look exhausted. They look destroyed. And not in a bad way. AT ALL.

— Oh, I saw a bag before. Here you go — she gives me Annie's bag. She's all dressed now. She notices my confusion, I'm too high to act any other way — I've told you I don't need any help — her eyes piercing mine for the hundredth time tonight. Her smile hurts now. Ouch.

She grabs her sneakers and walks towards me and the door:

— I'm all set.

She leaves the room as I hold Annie's bag.

Yeah. I was not expecting that.

***

Thanks for reading (if there's even anyone here lmao). Chapter 2 will be uploaded later but it can be read now at AO3 or Wattpad.