#and realizing you're still reaching out for a parental figure because that's what children do

[puddingcatbeans]

tim drops a glass and spirals.

Tim is just trying to drink some water. Hydrate or die-drate, as Steph has taken to reminding him. But he must have moved too fast, or his lack of sleep must have caught up to him, because the next thing he knew, the glass had slipped out of his hands and smashed into pieces on the kitchen tiles.

Tim hears the sound as if there was an audio delay. A ringing had started in his ears, but nothing is louder than the sudden pounding of his heartbeat. He keeps hearing the echo of the glass smashing, and something in him is screaming useless apologies. It takes him a moment to realize he's having trouble breathing.

Oh, he thinks. I'm having a panic attack.

Out the corner of his eye, he sees Kon rush into the kitchen. He was choosing a movie, Tim recalls absently. He always takes too long flipping through the categories, only to make Tim choose in the end.

"Rob? Hey," Kon is saying. He has his hands outstretched, but he stops an arm's length away.

Tim's fingers are clenched tight around the edge of the counter. He unlatches one, reaching out. When Kon steps forwards again, Tim clutches at Kon's shirt, right over his heart. He tries to copy Kon's breathing. Kon, the lovely specimen that he is, takes exaggerated breaths and counts aloud for him. They're doing one of the grounding exercises from training -- because PTSD is practically a requirement for capes by this point.

It's not working.

Tim gasps, head low and tears in his eyes. "B," he says. "I can't--"

"Okay, okay," Kon says. "Hold on."

When he makes to step away, Tim grasps his shirt tighter. He knows it's not rational, Kon's probably just trying to get his phone, but he can't make himself let go. He squeezes his eyes shut, struggling to get his breathing under control.

Distantly, he hears Kon's voice. "Mr. Wayne," Kon says, in the voice he uses when he's nervous but trying to hide it. "Sorry to bother you, but uh. How fast can you make it to Tim's apartment? Or I can fly him to you, if it's faster."

Tim stares at the glass pieces by his foot. They're kind of pretty. Like ruined things are, something you can never take back, only sit alone in a too-big mansion wondering where you went wrong.

"He's here, he's fine--um, physically fine. He's having a panic attack, I think, and uh--I think he'd like to see you--Oh, fifteen minutes, okay..."

He doesn't know how long he stands there, Kon's TTK holding him up. Then Bruce is there, and Kon is easing his fingers off his shirt.

Bruce is dressed in an immaculate suit, the kind he wears for the office. His face, though, was all Batman. Tim can't stop the flinch when he meets those stern eyes. They soften immediately.

"Tim," Bruce says, and Tim sucks in a breath. Bruce doesn't have a nickname for him, but like chum for Dick, or Jaylad, or how he calls Damian son. But Bruce will call his name like this sometimes, quiet, warm. Something that Tim holds carefully in the corner of his mind.

"B," Tim manages. He rips his hand off the counter. It hurts his nails. His legs are shaking.

"I'm right here," Bruce says, and it's not fair how easily he projects calm and commands all of Tim's attention. He holds out a hand, keeping eye contact. "I'm not going anywhere. Conner's in the other room. You're safe."

"I know," Tim says. He gulps in more air. Forces himself to hold it, breathe out. Without meaning to, his hand finds Bruce's. He holds it in a deathgrip. Bruce doesn't complain. "I just. I dropped the glass."

Bruce nods. He barely casts a glance over to the wreckage. "It's okay. We can clean it up later. No one is hurt."

"I didn't mean to," whispers Tim.

"I know."

"I'm sorry."

"There's nothing to be sorry for."

"Okay."

Bruce squeezes Tim's hand. "Would you like Conner to sit with you while I clean up the glass, or would you like me to sit with you?"

Tim reaches up to wipe at his eyes. "I can... I should clean it up. It's my mess."

"That's not one of the options, Tim."

"... You."

"Okay," says Bruce. He leads them both into the living room. Kon takes one look at them and disappears back into the kitchen.

They sit on the couch. Feeling exhausted and wrung-dry, Tim leans into Bruce's shoulder. His solidness is familiar. Safe. There's a part of Tim that is still cowering on the kitchen floor, bleeding and shivering at the memory of sharp nails and sharper reprimands. But he's miles away from the lonely ten year old who thought love was something to be earned. He's better now.

By the time Conner returns, perching awkwardly in the armchair, Bruce has put on a documentary. It's about the desert. Tim sinks further into the couch. He breathes.

[destinationtrekk]

Soon-to-be-father Wesker is so adorable so i need pregnant reader x Wesker headcanons 😭✨

ovulating = baby fever = wesker when is it my turn PLEASE

afab!reader, mentions of smut, almost 1k words of baby-obsessed wesker (holy shit trekk)

okay so first of all, i don't think this was planned. accidents happen. wesker by no means intended to bring children into this awful world esp considering the fact that he had no parental figures in his own childhood. what use would he possibly have for a baby

that being said- wesker is amazing with children. he doesn't know why or how but seeing a baby cry makes him wince and he needs to make them stop asap. this, of course, is insanely attractive to you. it's probably how this whole baby thing started in the first place

it's not a breeding kink, per se, but y'all fucked like rabbits for a week straight because you just needed him. wesker went along with it because, well yeah if his darling partner wants something who is he to say no. so a month or so later when you realize you've most definitely missed your period - the panic begins

you take test after test and only confide in your closest friend, who is actually excited for you! besides the fact that no one understands your mysterious, stoic, kind of off-putting partner, they don't understand your hesitation. no one knows wesker like you do, and even you don't know how he's going to react.

when you finally grow a pair and show him the tests, explaining what's going on, he reacts badly. he's not mad, or upset, or even rude. he just kind of blanks and retreats to his office for a few hours with very few words. you, of course, assume this means he's leaving you and panic until he finally comes back out. he's shocked to find you in a worse state than him, and sets to righting this immediately.

he holds you and tells you he loves you, that this isn't bad, everything is okay. he's not mad, he's just surprised, but he loves you. the two of you will figure everything out together, and that's the end of it. it still takes him a few more days to wrap his head around it fully, but once he does. oh boy.

he immediately sets to planning and buying things and rearranging his entire work schedule for the next year. you don't really know how or why he's able to do this, or really what he even does outside of "virology" and his insane umbrella/stars/organization/whatever the fuck history he explained to you, but it's nice to see him so dedicated, even if you won't even be showing for a while yet

once things move along, however, he just gets worse. not bad worse, just insanely protective. it's a little overbearing, the way he goes with you almost everywhere outside the house, doing any sort of labor for you ("al, i can reach that shelf, it's fine-" "no! let me help, you shouldn't strain yoursel- i said no!!")

he lets you handle organizing the nursery and brainstorm names (though he has some very strong opinions on what names not to use), but he handles all the medical aspects. most things he can do himself, like basic check ups and deciding what vitamins you need, figuring out what your symptoms mean, but other things he actually doesn't trust himself to do and sends you to the best doctors money can buy.

he's terrified of hurting you. the first time you asked to have sex after your bump grew, he looked at you horrified like you had just asked him to blow up his lab. he was terrified that he would somehow hurt you, or crush the baby, or somehow manage to crush you AND the baby, and you had to reassure him multiple times that he had fucked you much rougher, many more times, than he would be doing with you pregnant, and that you and baby would be okay.

of course he won't be anything more than extremely loving and gentle with you your entire pregnancy. even when your hormones kick in big time and you're begging him for it at least twice a day, he still takes his time and coos and kisses you while you wring him dry.

once you get close to your due date, he helicopters you. big time. you aren't allowed out of his sight, except for the rare moments you beg him for personal space, in which case he doesn't go further than a room away from you. the closer it gets to that nervewracking day, the more anxious and paranoid he becomes.

despite reassuring him that he's been wonderful so far and you adore him, no matter what, he's still convinced he's going to fuck everything up and ruin this perfect life you've created for him. the parental guilt and existential crisis hit him big time, and it takes a lot to get him out of it.

when the baby finally comes, he holds your hand through your entire labor, literally not taking his eyes off of you until the baby is safely in your arms. he's definitely in the way of the doctor and nurses, but they know his name, and wouldn't dare cross him on a day like this.

baby comes home, and he's just as bad as before. keeps his eyes on both of you constantly, doing every single chore in the house until you force him to relax and rest a few days in. he hardly lets the big lay down, for christ's sake, paranoid that if he goes more than an hour without laying eyes on his treasure they'll disappear forever.

wesker will be an amazing dad, minus a few hiccups. he's caring, gentle, loving, and absolutely dedicated with his heart to take care of his family. he's also anxious, and snappy, and overbearing, which you know will just take time for him to settle.

in total, this is the best year of his life, and he is utterly besotted with his loving spouse and baby. he'll never be able to repay you for the blissful life you've given him

[dark-night-hero]

Hi. Hope you are well. Is your request open? Can I request a soft Kayden moment since he is not open to having any children (I don't know where I have read it, if it's on an interview or other au/ffs). What if his partner, a non-awakened woman got pregnant? Anxiety creeps her up, it's another weakness for him. A soft, reassuring moment please. Or however you like.

Thank you. Have a blessed day!

Five seconds. It took you five seconds of happiness only to be filled with nothing but pure anxiety and fear afterwards. Looking at the two lines that seems to stare right back at you, you felt your heart sink. It was supposed to be one of the joyful moments within your heart and it did, only for five seconds only to felt the weight that comes with it. What are you going to do? Your hand unconsciously reach out and grip on your stomach.

Four months. It took Kayden four months to find out where you are. With how things turned out after clashing with three of the world's top ten and his new found apprentice. It took him four months to track down where you are. All because you stopped communicating back at him. He was mad, sure, but he was also worried. It was normal for you to move out and went under the radar, that was natural. He knew how dangerous he was and the possible danger that he might put you through. Thats why in the first month of no contact, he thought it was only natural, but as months went by and there was still no reply, he started to grew anxious. Did something happened to you? Oh the way you make him feel the impossible.

Four months, it took him four months to find you hiding under the cover as you curl up on your bed. "Can you just-! Just talk to me?" He was getting impatient. He doesn't even know why you were ignoring him, why you seemed afraid to face him, why you won't talk to him. He was about to close the door of your bed room, giving you no room to escape just in case you- "Don't..." "???" "Don't close the door." Fuck. Were you crying?

When it comes to relationship, Kayden was more of a doer than a talker. His mouth... his foul mouthed, so instead of replying, he could only let out a huff and open the door that he was about to close and then proceeds to walk towards the bed where he sat down at the end of. "What now?"

You were thinking, hesitating. You knew Kayden never wanted a child. He always avoided talking about them. Right now, you were wondering what to do, what to say, what to feel, what he would feel. You knew how difficult, how different both of your worlds are. Still, if there is a little hope, was it so bad to hold on into it? "Kayden." Your heart was beating heavily on your chest, hand on your small baby bump. You're four months pregnant but it wasn't even noticeable. "I'm pregnant." He swore he heard you say Im sorry.

Kayden was more of a doer than a yapper when it comes to you. He knew how he could say something hurtful and taunting in the heat of the moment. He never did that with you, well, at least he doesn't to that to you now. So as his mouth was about to say something, he manage to control himself and shut the fuck up.

You're pregnant. It took him five seconds to process that, followed by seconds for him to feel anger filling up his chest, anxiety and fear. Lastly, he felt his sense of happiness within his chest. Kayden never wanted a child, it was never in his mind. He doesn't even know his parents, let alone his birthday. As far as he can recall he grew up all alone with no one but himself to depend on. He never wanted a child, in the world he grew up in, it was harsh, dangerous and restricted. A world where those who has the power stand on top. But ever since he met you... once in a while, he thought it wouldn't be so bad to have a child that looks like you.

Nevertheless, he was scared. He was anxious. And so he starts to look around, noticing your shaking figure under the cover, realizing he has been long silent because lets face it. He truly never wanted a child. But it was also true that a child that looks like you wasn't bad. But he doesn't know what to say. He was contemplating on what to say. And then his eyes fell upon the open door, once again, he had the urge to close it, knowing how you don't like to leave it open, why was it even open- ah. It was never about you leaving, it was about him leaving. Giving him the choice to walk out of the door without you hearing the painful sound of the door slaming behind him.

You turned stiff upon the upon lightness of the end of the bed where Kayden once was sitting at. And so you felt your heart break in title pieces. You did not even bother to remove the bed sheet that was covering you to look at him, you did not want to see nor hear him leave, that was the reason why you asked him to keep the door open. And although you did see that coming, it still hurts. It hurts so much- meow.

Kayden is more of a doer than a talker when it comes to you. So instead of saying things that might end up upsetting and hurting you. He transformed into his cat form and went under the covers with you, and before you could even react, he went under the covers and started nuzzling close to you. "Ka-kayden?" You utter, was about to sit up when he started licking your tears, and even though it hurts, you are more shocked at the fact that he was here. He did not left, that he in fact have stayed. And as if saying everything will be okay, he just nuzzled on your neck.

You are confused, why. Why is here? How could he be here? This would be just another weakness for him. He already was having a hard time keeping you away from the world, what more could it possibly be now that you're having a child-

"It's okay." You open your eyes only to find a pair of blue ones already looking at you. "You're okay." You felt him caress your cheek before he gently pressed his forehead upon yours as you close your eyes. "We'll be okay." As soon as he said that, a tears escaped from your eyes. "It'll be okay." You felt him caress your baby bump.

[ⓒdark-night-hero] 2024°

: why does it feel like I made Kayden so OOC, then again, I think I did my best portraying what could he possibly done in that scenario 🤔

[inkyquince]

 03. Summoning circle gone wrong 

characters. Harleep. Mentioned Raphael shenanigans.

cw. harleep being a nasty. pseudoincest cuz raphael ya devil daddy, congratulations, you're a tiefling reader. gn reader at that. kinda dubcon?

note. DAY THREE, AND ITS INKY'S DAY ON THE COLLABOWEEEEEEN. check out the other sluts doing the collab, @necros-writing-stuff @angrelysimpping @letstalktea @undead-merman. also cuz inky is INKY theres a mention of gortash ehe. Also yeah, I'm only doing my own prompts instead of any of the others lol sorry guys

You needed to talk to your father. 

That was a thought that never would have ever crossed your mind three days ago. No, you had been having such a good time, away from the Hells and your devil of a father, that he had never even crossed your mind. 

Not until he appeared before you, his wide smirk catching for just a moment at the sight of you, before returning full force. Of course. Raphael didn’t even realize it was you until you were right in front of him, a spitting image of your other parent, but still his blood nonetheless. Your world you were slowly building with your new companions, that you were just like them, that you could have a future, came crashing down as he grinned, wide and loving and fake. 

“My child.” He mused, reaching a hand out to trace along your cheek. “What a predicament you got yourself into.” 

His false concern tasted like salt on an open wound, metallic and stinging. You knew he didn’t care about you. Hells, you were the only one of his children kept in the House of Hope because your mother was one of the few who tricked him into keeping the Tiefling offspring she had after laying with the Devil who had no interest in her. Of course, she paid dearly for that. Sometimes you wandered past the room where she was kept to this day, her screams switching between begging and wrathful. 

The only reason that she was locked away was because Korilla was the one who made the plea on your behalf to not see whatever was happening to her. 

But your mother made the deal, and the deal was for him to look after you as a child. So the minute you turned eighteen, you snuck out the House of Hope and never looked back. Did Raphael even notice? You doubted it. 

But now here you were, actively seeking him out, just to demand answers and also help. Your father could help you all out, you knew it, and you were willing to engage with him enough to squeeze some solutions out of him and hopefully have him fuck off long enough for you and your companions to do something about it. 

You knew how to make the portal ritual to the Hells, but the messaging one was simpler, and would need quite a bit of energy for someone to decide to suddenly hop through. The type of energy that would definitely burn you up almost instantly if you were, say, dragged through. Better to be crisped to death than back in the House of Hope with your father and his weirdos. 

The ritual circle burst into dark flames, reaching up, over your head but no smoke emanated up. Hellfire was annoyingly unique like that. You waited, the flames embers spitting and crackling as the blaze raged on, but your father had yet to appear. You felt like you were being put on fucking hold, as he filed his nails all pointy and looked at the corresponding circle in his boudoir with that annoying smirk of his. 

Mother should have just asked for child support. 

A dark figure slowly formed behind the walled inferno and you sighed, putting your hands on your hips, feeling suddenly a lot like Korilla whenever she caught you doing something you were forbidden from. Like asking for permission before doing something. 

“Finally! Did you get your fancy shoes on- Oh.” You paused in your angry tirade as the flames lessened, revealing…. Your father’s lover. 

He seemed to have perfected your father’s smirk. 

“Oh, little lost lamb,” Harleep purred, hands on his hips as he showed off his scant body. You felt a bit unwell at the sight. “Your father stepped out, he’s very busy these days. But I’ll gladly take a message for him.” 

You were never allowed near the incubus. Not that anyone thought that he’d be anything but a shit of an… Uncle? to you, but Raphael was spoiled and didn’t like when his favorite playthings would hang out without him. 

“He’s not doing anything. He's sitting around with his thumb up his ass and giggling.” You snapped and Harleep smiled, just enough for the fire to glint against his pearly teeth, the canine digging into his lip. 

“Oh darling, he does nothing with that ass without me-” 

“Yeah yeah yeah, way too much information, that’s my father you know.” You grumbled, fighting the urge to cover your ears, or… Maybe duel him for your dad’s honor, you didn’t know. 

Harleep gazed at you, his eyes burning low and hungry… 

“You seem different little lamb.” 

“The last time you saw me was when I was thirteen, Harleep.” You grumbled, suddenly feeling a bit squeamish. “You tried your hand at babysitting me and Father came home to find us having a tea party with his favorite bottle of wine.” 

“Ah, I remember.” Harleep didn’t break his gaze from you, slowly stepping closer and closer to you. “In my defense, I filled your cup with the pool water. Not a drop of alcohol.” 

“...Just your spent jizz water.” 

“It was refreshed just that morning.” Harleep murmured, his eyes twinkling. “But, if you still so wish for a taste, I don’t mind.”

“Don’t be fucking gross-” 

“Twas in earnest.” Harleep sighed, his gaze dragging over your body, lingering on any exposed skin he could see. “If you have the same appetites as your father… I could-” 

“No, nope, nope, no-” You stepped away but he simply took a step forward, until his bare feet touched the edge of the burning sigils, a small hop away from exiting the circle. 

Harleep suddenly stilled, leaning his head back and sniffing the air, like when you came across those gnolls, panting and salivating at the scent of your flesh. You froze up. You know what he was doing. He did it every time your father came home, and smirked, sauntering over to their boudoir. Did it when Korilla came home, flushed and pink and Harleep would tease her about visiting Elminster’s library, whatever that meant. Did it when you were seventeen and you were caught with the boy the caretaker loved to hit, with his coarse hand pressed against your belly. You two were found, and Harleep came across you two being chewed out and he just smirked, looking at the dark haired boy with such deeply intense knowing that he flushed. 

“Oh, little lamb. You smell so ripe.” He murmured. “Unlike your father. Never noticed before, your scent… Is that of a pretty little bitch that deserves to be on their back while delicious things are done to them.” 

“H-Harleep…” You stammered, unable to form any words other than his name, which apparently he liked, given the sudden strain against his leather ass shorts.  

“You shouldn’t have scampered off so quick all that time ago.” He murmured. Then he stepped forward. 

His body shimmered as he stepped through the lowered blaze. You could feel the energy pulsate from the circle, as he forcibly crossed the realms, with such force that it made you stumble and fall unceremoniously on your ass. You hoped someone, like Gale, would feel the Weave pulsate with magic, the earth shake just a bit for people to notice. You blindly cursed yourself for deciding to do this so far away from the camp, so you wouldn’t be witnessed whining at your father. 

Harleep took advantage of your prone state and sank down, his thighs straddling your sides. 

“It’s been so long since I’ve had such a cute thing under me… And from what I’ve heard, you might last a while, even with two fingers inside of your hole. A pretty hole too.” 

You had no idea if you should feel flattered by the comparisons to your… Father and his… Lackings, or deeply grossed out, given he was saying all this with your own bloodkin’s face sewed onto his skull. 

“Harleep, this isn’t funn-” 

“Hush, little lamb. It's such a pleasure to have my favorite little lost creature back in my reach. To be the one to see you get tended to. And-” He pressed a clawed finger against your lips, dragging it down over your throat. ”If you promise to be good while we play, I’ll see what I can tease out of your father, to help with your little… Tadpole.” 

You fell silent, as he continued to stroke over your bare neck and shoulders. You mulled over the proposition as Harleep’s hands traveled down, settling on your chest and giving an appreciative squeeze. 

“Should have stayed at our lovely House, little devil.” He murmured, his cock pressing against your stomach as he rolled his hips. “Anytime your father left, I could have come and kept you company. Made up for our lovely lost time.” 

Harleep’s ministrations stopped for just a moment as he looked down at you, his gropes almost becoming soft, sweet touches as his finger tips trailed over your collarbone. 

“He wouldn’t have let me look after my little lamb. You were so small and I wanted to sit with you in your room while you cried. He didn’t let me. I asked…. I asked if I could become your uncle, or some sort of parent. I wanted to so badly. He wouldn’t let me.” He shook himself out of his reverie. “But no. You’re not my little lamb anymore. You’re not my little anything anymore…” 

He leaned down, one hand digging into the dirt by your head and pressed his scorching lips against yours, groaning softly into your mouth, utterly desperate. 

“Well,  I guess you’ll just have to be mine. All mine.” Harleep murmured, his fingers dragging back down, this time to yank at your trousers. “In a way even your Father won’t have you.” 

He had his hand fully down your trousers, greedily groping you with two fingers grazing your hole over your underwear. You whined against his tongue dragging itself over your teeth, utterly muffling any sounds you were making, instead just drinking them all down. 

“Let me make you cum.” He growled softly, his fingers pressing deeper inside of you, his claws slicing right through your underwear and curling inside of you. “Then you can treat me when you come home and I get you all to myself.” 

You fought down both waves of pleasure, his fingers burning with a delightful tingle inside of you, but also nausea, seeing your own father’s face against yours. You wonder if Harleep liked it like this. A familiar connection but also getting to touch and fuck one of the few people he… Had some sort of emotional feelings for. 

“All mine, aren’t you?” He murmured thickly, his lips beginning to suck hickeys into your neck. “Give me all of you, and I’ll look after you so well.” 

It didn’t matter how many times you tightened around his fingers, cum staining his skin, it didn’t matter how he ravaged your neck completely until it looked like Astarion had a midnight snack on your arteries, it didn’t matter that you were sore and twitching by the end of it. Harleep couldn’t seem to get enough of his little lamb. 

Hells, you were walking sore for such a long time afterwards, you didn’t even notice the pleasurable tingles shooting along your spine and shoulders, as if someone was wearing your skin and getting fucked nasty in it.

[ticklepinions]

I think there's many problems in the community. But I feel like 2 in particular are merging quite a bit. So before I begin, this is in no means supporting or condoning the negative actions of others, I'm just thinking out loud basically, trying to understand why it's a problem and what not. The "explains but doesn't excuse route" to help me process things. My heart goes out to everyone who has been a victim of gro*ming.

So I've had a discussion about certain words being thrown around a lot. Words that are used as an insult, a word that triggers people immediately and follows with loads of hate comments and the classic kys.

While there is most certainly predators and p*dos in the community. I think there's a secret third option that doesn't really get talked about a lot- if at all. And that's "well intentioned adults". Adults who got the spirit! But execute in very questionable ways compared to people who are more, for lack of a better word, mature in their experiences.

I think I was one of them to an extent, but had some incidents that made me have to make decisions that would have been difficult in the past with my previous thinking (will explain later). Personally, my blog was open to all. And I hear the sfw doesn't mean safe for minors which is so true. But I still let minors follow my blog and that was a choice I own up to. Up until a couple months ago I was somewhat ok with it. Until things started happening that made me ✨uncomfortable✨. I got 13 year olds following me, minors trying to initiate tickle talk in asks/dms, trying to befriend me in ways that were just not great lmfao (trying to comfort me if I made a vent post, or in turn trauma dumping in the DMs). And this led to a LOT of reflection. I didn't want to have this responsibility so to speak, of taking care of children, who I have no previous relationship (/p) with in an online setting. So I changed my blog to a dnf. That's just me tho, I curated my internet experience to suit me after realizing that what I was doing or rather passively allowing before, made me uncomfortable. I didn't engage in the conversations that were initiated, it made me queasy lmfao.

But for *other* people. This feeling doesn't occur. You can have the extreme of being so delusional and enraptured in your own personal gains/pleasure as a p*do. Or... Be the self appointed teacher, parental figure etc. Which is a lot like gr*oming (actually it is a sign of gr*oming). It's such a complex issue in terms of the way some adults could have a genuine desire to help and not harm/manipulate but there's this disconnect where the adult doesn't recognize the harms they're causing unintentionally.

There are adults who don't mind being the educator because that's what they needed when they were a child. And I get it! They want to help. But! We've seen what can happen. And I think the reason some people are hesitant with the whole it "DEPENDS on the context" is that you're taking away their ability to *help*. But they don't realize by shutting down those conversations *is* helping. There are very few circumstances where a 30 year old should be speaking to a 16 year old about sexual topics. And in an online context, even fewer. There are SO many resources online that people can use to educate themselves, you do not have to be the sole educator for those slipping into your DMs.

From experience, minors are very impressionable and still have a lot to learn when it comes to boundaries. There was this time one of my friends sent an ask teasing me and then I got flooded by people sending in their own teases. Minors unintentionally (giving the benefit of the doubt) making me extremely uncomfortable trying to befriend me through "innocent" tickle talk. There are other instances of minors as I mentioned before trying to comfort me when I'm venting. Very thoughtful of them for reaching out and all but also they're endangering themselves. There are adults who would easily respond to them and because the adult themselves are emotionally not stable in that moment, may explain their worries to someone they realllyyyy shouldn't be sharing experiences with, sexual or not. The adult has the responsibility in this situation, as they hold the most power in the dynamic. So yeah I'm gonna put the blame on the minors. Gonna hold the adults accountable. Because it's absolutely not okay.

I always say while intentions are cool and all it doesn't really matter much. The impact, and what your actions will be after the fact, holds much more weight.

It's so frustrating to see the same old arguments pop up in this particular community. And I've said it once before, at our core, seeing the recent discourse and posts from both parties I can see the want to keep minors safe. However, there are some people who don't see how their perceived innocent actions are actually harmful in the long run. Not only for minors but yourself as well. You deserve to have a community your age as a healthy support system. What's not okay is the waters being muddied under the pretense of helping other people. You can't fix people, and it's really not your job to do so as hard a pill that is to swallow.

I'm losing my train of thought so...

TL;DR. While there are p*dos, there are also adults who mean well but go about it in very wrong/harmful ways, and I hope that eventually (sooner rather than later) they realize the harms they caused and work towards bettering themselves.

I also want to recognize the extreme privilege I have talking about sensitive topics I don't have personal experiences of so if I spoke out of place or said something incorrect please feel free to correct me (if you have the capacity to do so). Thanks for reading.

[unproduciblesmackdown]

vague musing theme re: deh in evan and the Mom & Son theme and evan taking on responsibility for how his own mom feels, and then also connor's. irreconcilable tension in deh, as in life, with [the family unit, at its smallest: a Parent & Child unit] inevitably needing to be validated via supporting whatever conclusion we get (and the conclusion support it in turn) versus whether, actually, that not only Can be enough but Must be enough, b/c of how it cannot be denied, that is: rejected

we have Parallel Moms in the first song, it's a relevant difference that the murphys are relatively rich & the hansens relatively poor, but the Primary effect of this difference being heidi's frequent absence at home due to working, vs. the lack of such financial pressures resulting in cynthia being....stuck at home and trying to figure out anything in life Through her role as Stay At Home Mom, whilest she also Isn't guaranteed more successful connection with her children (or husband, except that: he's Here, married to her) for that, as established already in that first song lol

evan right off the bat taking on the pressure of how his mom needs him to have a good year because also she needs to have a good year, and heidi talking about this in terms of things that evan needs to Do, like, he needs to Order Pizza*, he needs to be Making Friends & then Be Away Hanging Out With Them (*also i always consider how evan Could've avoided getting pizza to not spend the money? but nothing else (besides evan being conscious of financial woes & feeling pressure abt this more generally) really suggests this is the case, and i guess at any given point he has $20 to spare)....then referring to the Resolution of this relationship where suddenly heidi has a turning point offstage (like, offscreen lol) wherein now she can go "oh i didn't know you were Feeling like this" versus like. that the conflict the rest of the time is with her own feelings, of course, and evan's Behavior. wherein she doesn't really mind the bare facts that he's dealing with anxiety, has prescriptions & therapy about it, but she Has minded about the things he needs to Be Able To Do (specifically on his own, mind you) and what's important to Do to get there (despite the letters sure not seeming to help, and then like, never officially being written again. does he still go to therapy appts?)....and that she starts feeling rejected by him As His Mother, which is like, the main issue up until she reads thee letter via facebook and realizes [evan thinks he's failed heidi as her child, because of how he makes her feel (bad)]

that even when heidi refutes this, prior, it's not the answer when like, "you're the one good thing that ever happened to me" is also like about as much pressure as could be put on evan, The Answer here wouldn't necessarily be like "no don't worry, i don't reject you as my child, because of how you Don't make me feel bad / Disappointed"....cynthia illustrating this, though we have little sense of how connor felt, probably not like "i feel really secure b/c my mom definitely isn't disappointed or anything"....and then "sorry i can't give you more than that" from heidi as a followup is Effectively a shutdown to conversation b/c like, what can evan say to that, it's basically on par with something like a sarcastic "well sorry i'm not perfect / i guess i'm the worst parent ever" that's like yeah obviously nobody's perfect nobody's the Best Or Worst person ever, it's a dismissal. which i hardly think heidi's Trying to dismiss evan or anything, or is being disingenuous, but again like "i'm trying my best / i can't give you more than [my best, or your being the best thing in my life]" can't really serve as any kind of Concluding Remarks if the conclusion isn't just like "okay so we haven't reached a resolution but let's cut it out now"....it's fun how of course we can understand how then heidi would find it devastatingly hurtful for evan to be like "well it's not my fault other people can [give [me] more than that]" but it's also like welllll the only reason here it's Not true is because evan's (a) got his World Of Lies going on, which heidi doesn't know is part of this situation & (b) evan is looking for validation that he's Supported as a Child figure to the murphys in these pretty superficial ways lol as per the fantasy of the like ideal suburban untroubled nuclear family unit....cynthia's just Here, with time to cook, larry's just Here, with the willingness to impart his own interests onto evan, they don't know evan has [diagnosis: anxiety] going on, evan feels like he's making these parents feel Better and themselves validated as parents, via both his fiction about how connor was maybe happier than they know, and his performance about being this no-hassle no-problems no-friction child who's also just Here. unlike connor....like tbt like eh excise the part where evan does happen to be making things up to have gotten here, and like. is it so bad he stays at another family's house when his mom's out at work. would it be so [Bad poors] if the murphys paid for college for him. heidi clearly responding to this with a "sorry, our bootstraps, you know" reasoning but Really primarily rejecting it because she's thrown at the apparent realization that evan's Replacing her with the murphys, she's rejected as his Mother....as she makes explicit in the next scene, the I'm Your Mother & they're Not Your Family(tm) like. okay, and? again, she doesn't know evan Wasn't that secretly close to connor lol and part of the point of deh is these lies bleeding into truths from the start, and Why evan lies, which isn't just "b/c he's an evil sicko?" nor as an elaborate scheme to get at zoe though like, at this moment i'm trying to puzzle out what couldn't be improved by zoe Not being a murphy....

well anyways. the tension here being like "yeah when is One Person ever """"enough"""" for anyone else all on their own. why do we demand that happen" like How & Why. no single person could or should be Everything to someone else. we even see how like Two People really don't have the resources for their One Child together completely on their own, and why is it that it Should be whittled down and isolated as much as possible. wherein the costs of being a parent, one who is tasked with bringing up a child with as little external support as possible while also already getting little external support as an individual in the first place (which a spouse, again, One Person, is supposed to fulfill in any/all ways), is supposedly offset like "well the magic of parenthood will be (Should be. if you're a good enough parent (threat)) its own rewards....and btw the child is Yours. they're someone stuck in a house with you. you can have this fantasy about Who They'll Be and try to ensure they become that. sure you're in charge of them (a burden!) but also: you're in charge of them (you can be an authority figure in this one aspect of your life). you can Always have access to them no matter what, because of the fact that as soon as a child exists, you're Now & Forever Their Parent"....i'm your mother, they're not your family....how are cynthia's like Identity Crises that are expressed to her family through cooking resolved? well, so far as we know, they aren't, but hey she's not getting divorced. zoe implying that cynthia's problems are thanks to having nothing to do / not leaving the house, such that gee evan your mom's lucky she Has to work....while evan apparently feels like heidi at least in part is always going to work b/c she hates to be around him, since he's all like well i presume you're so Not Unhappy in being the Mother to my Child that that's why you're always at home, cooking every dinner....like, what happens there? does cynthia join a club? take up a hobby? is evan Right that it's chill being stuck at home if that household is happy (as is the "it's fine having women's lives be Staying At Home, if that household is good enough :)" ideal) like well not sure but the status update is: she's not getting divorced

anyways i'm arguing against the nuclear family including in its theoretical distillation of "well god a Parent & Child if that's the very best you can do" here lmao and uhh deh not so much since the mother & son aspect Must resolve, kind of like what's supposed to be required of the parent & child aspect irl. and not like i think it's terrible it Does resolve, or it shouldn't, in this Story, but it's a definite [shhhruggg] from me like yeah that's nice but like, what's evan have going for him besides "he doesn't think his mom hates him now" (better yeah) and "he has a customer service job" (like oh my god so sorry. is this supposed to be Better? like oh he can order pizzas now? idk we don't get enough detail. ppl just get a part time job like yeah it's fine. i also have part time schooling but i'm saying it's a year off?) and this is not disconnected from how i feel about the Evan Needs To Believe He Could Have The Theoretical Perfect Gf which has to be answered in the end by zoe like, yeah i Wish we could date without the history. alas....like, Huh. why is she saying this (a) as a character & (b) as the conclusion to this story? god knows, but not like we don't know the ideals of Romance are also considered keys to the success of the nuclear family, and are an interim goal even if you don't have the kids yet, or like a begrudged Alternate goal as the next most adjacent thing, being Single has to be as vulnerable as it is re: any material or emotional support as Needed, much less what is Wanted for any further fulfillment. down to destruct the nuclear family & romance in one fell swoop baby. pointing at the camera and deh you're first (this sentence is a joke, the previous one is humorous but fully in earnest. kind of like [jared & alana (especially alana re: the earnestness)])

anyways again this is all still vague lol just sure Noting how very relevant it is that evan is motivated by a sense of his responsibility in how he affects his mother's like overall emotional landscape. while heidi does derive / seek emotional support from evan. not like her kid can be Emotionally Irrelevant to her, or like there's no good & relevant way for evan to be aware of or interact with her feelings. or like all of this is saying the point i want to make is that heidi is terrible or something. the parent i'm firing out of a cannon & into the sun is larry though lol. like heidi, being a person, can be Imperfect, and have an imperfect relationship with anyone, including her son, and have feelings, and care about her role as a mother....and all this can Not be resolved by evan simply not hating her either, or by anything else All hinging on her son. like how idk how cynthia's gonna do better than she was even before she was a grieving parent when nothing's changed for her except that a manifestation of happier memories is i guess enough that her terrible marriage can be sustained lol. larry's arc starting out dismissive ending up dismissive, with some dismissiveness in between...an anti larry zone here for sure

meanwhile it's sure just Something that like, heidi transitions into this equivalent role with 2 of evan's Peers in good for you. other people having noted that heidi being previously Rejected & presumably also pretty much fully cut out of the life of her ex husband is playing into her feelings here: a relationship of hers with a Peer. just now as i type this being like hmm interesting to juxtapose this with [so big so small] moving Away from this perhaps by tapping into evan being like a very small child. while the murphy parents, again, find resolution in turn by remembering better times with also much younger than he was connor....aaand in both cases presumably less "difficult" children than when they're teens :I like i wouldn't have heidi Not be mad or anything, another whole point here is that i wouldn't expect nor demand deh to be like, issuing a Statement about "and everything you saw up here is a model of the ideal family experience okay," heidi can even feel petty about it or have whatever other reaction and of course she's gonna feel hurt but like when it comes to Good For You i'm like, alana's grievances? hell yes go off. jared's grievances? hell yes go off. heidi's grievances? yeah alright but actually i'm more so on evan's side on this one lol....even when this scene establishes a clear pattern of "evan is also being petty & hurtful to people on purpose with his remarks here as he lashes out at each of them as things come to a head and he's deflecting responsibility" like yeah. and i feel entirely sympathetic to jared and alana here and not Unsympathetic to heidi so much as there's very immediate limits to that and (a) i don't think shutting everything down Because We're Family / I'm Your Parent as a fallback to whatever you do To your kids or whatever you fail to do For them, is legitimate, positive, constructive, non coercive and (b) heidi does & has been looking too much to evan for emotional support. wherein, again, don't need to go "i guess it's b/c she's a terrible individual" when it's like, she lives in a society....what else Does she have? where else is she Supposed to get any & all emotional needs met outside the bounds of her household (family) and her role as a parent/mother?

which is not really unrelated to evan's situation out here wherein, where is He supposed to find support and get his needs met? he doesn't feel that [at home] is providing that, even with him at least in part blaming himself for that, b/c he's not a good enough child for his mother. he turns to school as an avenue for Friendship, and when alana doesn't singlehandedly fix his whole life with a Hi before homeroom, nor does jared, and btw connor wasn't gonna do that either even if the "again i'm sorry i pushed you" hadn't been [their interaction: gone to shit: 2], like uh oh once again One Person isn't being Everything by virtue of somehow the status of "friend" making everything inherently perfect, or, [making everything perfect] defining the status of "friend," see: For Forever. see: how in sincerely me you have jared & evan effectively discussing, by proxy & creative fiction & plausible deniability, the presence of Effort & Communication in a relationship, as well as pretty much laying out a mutual belief in / effort towards successfully Becoming the person you'd like to be through deciding on who that even is and then just like, trying to be them lol. a sentiment that could hardly be wholly dismissed, people having goals, inevitably changing so you may as well be trying to be growing, but that ofc they don't have the perfect ideas at 17 of who they wanna be, How to be that person, and they sure really don't have much support to draw on for whatever efforts, And this being driven too much by insecurity & self-loathing re: who they already are, no pressure from anyone around them....and evan of course ending up thinking well the only thing that could fix my life is Romance, a Gf. and then he's not only finding himself in a situation where he feels responsible for another mom's feelings (cynthia), and feels like how people can think of the concept of connor is how they can think about him, & As he's navigating those things he starts feeling like he's finding some of What He Needs, and he already felt like it was up to him alone to do that, so of course it all escalates / continues for the next like hour & a half....he Is isolated, they all are, and not just because like uh oh evan on that damn phone

and then idk it's like yeah heidi realizing evan was actually thinking She was gonna reject Him and she tells him she won't. and for some reason zoe has to crop up to reassure evan about his potential for romance in general; meanwhile she's doing fine b/c....her parents' marriage is doing better = they're going on dates = also how cynthia is doing okay? idk. and no status updates on the couple of peers who also had no friends, weren't dating anyone, and didn't really mention family except alana's grandmother having died and jared not telling his parents anything and then only mentioning them previously to basically avoid getting in trouble with them oh and also how they'll be gone for a weekend so he's inviting his boy best friend to hang out with him the whole time like HMM to all of that!!! like well i don't think deh is really Trying to reach the most Definitive Conclusions in its story & what it's exploring, and that's great b/c (a) yeah there's a lot going on in there! and (b) it sure doesn't lmao. and i would always be detached from & in disagreement with "idk but Nuclear Family & Nuclear Romance must be like, It, right" or "idk. just be more normal" lmao. where'd your gay little peers go for the past half hour. bring them back out here

anyways i said "vague" so that i didn't have to try to muster a thesis. like yeah just noting Evan Feeling Responsible For Moms' Feelings: His Own, & Connor's, as very relevant up to his mom reassuring him she can't Feel like rejecting him / doesn't hate him. evan making sure to Behave as conveniently as possible around the murphys, and around his mom as well; while what heidi tends to talk about is what evan can/should Do, including how he should be Trying to feel, and as ppl often notice she doesn't have great boundaries, and as i'm at least noting, does need validation from evan / puts her insecurity on him in turn where again up until so big so small she's worrying about him possibly rejecting her. though she does seem to be Over That upon realizing evan felt That Bad, actually, and like thank god yeah evan doesn't have dialogue about "yeah btw mom i will never disown you" lmao. can sure look at this as just like, well, some "doing the best with what one's got?" wherein uh oh we Don't have much support outside this household/family, so it's good to improve it....like yeah sure lol and would be good if it was good even if they did both have a zillion other important connections to turn to in their lives. again, let's destroy romance and the nuclear family. and a further improvement were if cynthia got a divorce and befriended heidi (awkward at first but idc. here: they meet at a social group for divorcees and go from there lmao)

[transsexualsaintsebastian]

I Missed My Flight And I'm Writing This To Avoid Relapsing

And I hunch over the men's toilet in the Tampa International Airport,

choking out my breakfast (I only ate it thinking I wouldn't eat during the hours long layover)

and attempting with careful strength and precision to be at such an angle that my knees hover above the ground,

too afraid of what dirtiness could be on it but not too prideful to be a better person than the type of man who vomits for strangers in the other stalls to hear.

It's funny because when my mother talked to me about the terminal,

I thought she said "terminate" at first.

Oh, you know how this goes.

Don't make me keep repeating the story.

The last time I took this same flight I ended up

lost trying to go bus to bus back to campus from the airport

and ended up lost in the city, a woman petting my hair

telling me I'm beautiful and

"You just look so young, you know?

I just can't believe you're 18, are you sure?

You have such lovely hair.

Are you a student?

Are you really not so young?

Hey, come over here."

One day that little corner is going to be the death of me,

the day these aching bones of mine catch up to me.

I keep these tabs on me,

filed maps in my head of all the street corners everybody avoids,

the parts of each town I visit where I know to stay far away from but I can't pretend are nonexistent forever.

It's like running down empty train tracks:

Right now I am lucky. One day I will not be.

I think I'm always waiting for the sound of that train whistle barrelling towards me.

I once had a boyfriend who caught me with a white lighter.

He took it and tossed it,

told me I didn't know what it meant and I shrugged.

I haven't bought another since but I always knew what I was doing,

just didn't believe in what could happen.

I haven't died yet, so maybe he was right to toss it.

I missed my flight today;

I lost my ID somewhere between my family's house and the airport.

I never was the type to misplace things as a child,

always used to be so organized.

There was a place for everything and I was

so meticulous and so studious and

oh so afraid of ever learning how to fail.

I missed my flight today;

I lost my attention to detail somewhere between

the shelf above my aunt's fridge high enough to keep from children and

the lockbox-

my own fault it even ever got locked,

never in arm's reach after that first time getting caught,

the hospital visit and the charcoal down my throat and-

yes,

somewhere between the shelf and the lockbox (my parents have used the same code for everything my entire life.

They don't realize I know. )

I had to call my mother after leaving TSA.

"I'm sorry,

I'm so sorry,

I don't know what happened. I wish I did.

I don't know where it could have gone."

(You are me and you are a college freshman and

you sit in a cold office with

much too many of those doctor-office-shade-of-green decorations, and a man sits across from you.

"You can say no if there's anything you're uncomfortable with talking about right now, alright?

This is just an intake to figure out where you're at."

Howoftendoyoudrinkanddoyoudoanyothersubstancesandwhatisthefamilyhistoryandistherepasthistoryofabuseandwhenwereyoulasthospitalizedandhowlongdideachtimelastandwasthereadiagnosisand-

"You mentioned your Mom dealt with a lot of these issues too in the past, would you care to discuss your relationship with her?"

Pause. Break. Clenched fists, bitten tongue.

"I don't want to talk about this."

Two weeks later you relapserelapserelapsewhyisitsohardand-

You sit in that cold office again and the man is still staring at you with those piercing blue eyes and those unsettling green decorations you hate set up around him.

He asks about your flight home the next weekend,

if you think your mom can help you.

He tells you to tell her everything,

tells you she'll understand.

"Addiction is a disease.

A mother wouldn't love you any less for it."

You think about finding a new therapist.)

And at the end of the day the worst part about missing the flight

is the drive back to the house when the plug texts again asking why I stopped responding,

and it's like the entire sunshine state can feel the craving inside of me.

Florida, I love you,

all the way from the blackout night beaches

to the house my father overdosed in

a couple streets away from my first taste of bliss

and all the way down the road to Suncoast.

I am seven days sober today.

I missed my flight.

A week has never felt so long.

[marshmallowprotection]

god every time I think of the twins and meeting MC's family i wanna drag them to mine. we don't talk to most of the extended family but my parents have already emotionally adopted my best friend and refer to them as their third child. they'd easily absorb two more sad boys. i wanna do family game/movie nights and drag them to dinners where we've cooked wayyyy more food than we actually need and then make root beer floats (and argue over whether the soda or the ice cream goes in first). i want to introduce them to my pets and see if they pass The Cat Test (a very important test I'm sure they'll pass bc they're good boys....... tho saeyoung might take a few tries).

ik it would take time for them to feel fully at ease with a family, but i want to get to the point where they feel like they ARE family. they deserve it

I respect that. Those boys deserve to have a family welcome them with open arms like this. It's not at all different from the way they feel when they're with the RFA. That's a family already, but this is a little different just in the sense that it's your family. It's your family beyond the reaches of the RFA. I can see Saeran and Saeyoung feeling lost in a typical family unit if only because what they're used to isn't like what others are. To see a happy set of parents together, interacting as if it's the most normal thing in the world, that already feels like a sense of major whiplash. That's one of those things that the two of them would wordlessly look at each other and think to themselves how strange it is that there is a world out there like this they could never have imagined as children. It's not something they're angry about, but it is something that they're curious about.

The strangest interactions come from any sort of gentle affection and attention from your parents. It isn't a stretch to say that the first time they've been introduced to kindness from a parental figure might very well be the situation. It's even stranger because there's no pity or sympathy since your parents wouldn't know all the details of the things that they've gone through. In a way, it's a good thing, and in another way, it's strange. Saeyoung is the one that would be waiting for the floor to cave in. He's used to preparing for something to go wrong. He would expect the rug to fall out from underneath him... Don't look too hard at the way his shoulders stiffen when your mother compliments him about something, or when your father genuinely wants to hear him explain something.

Depending on the Saeran you're around, GE or SE, that makes a huge difference in how he interacts with others. GE Saeran would be swept away by how normal everything seems. But it would only be when he's alone with you later that he would sit down, cry a little, and smile because he's so grateful at the realization that you've had a good upbringing and that he gets to be a part of all of this. Don't get him wrong, he's happy for the life he's lived, but for the reality that you're able to share this with him... Well, that's what gets him.

Whereas, SE Saeran would be incredibly tense the entire time because this is too much for him. Even if he said it was okay at first, begrudgingly, the fact is he's... lost. It feels fake. Everything around him feels fake. The kindness of the people around him still feels like sympathy even if they have no idea who he is. He's not going to pitch a fit at them, but you will see that he is afraid. He's always been afraid of tenderness. He tries to avoid your parents like the plague. Especially your mother. They might get the wrong idea about him but as long as they understand why he's uncomfortable, even vaguely, that'll make things a little easier.

But, no matter what time line you're working with, it will work out in the end if you are persistent and compassionate.

[emcant]

Really sick reason to be happy but I can't stop smiling

TW/CW child abuse, mental illness, SH

One of my aunts calls our family "yours, mine, and ours", which is accurate. We've got me, my (step)brother, my dad, my stepmom, and my (half)sister. My brother is seven weeks younger than I am. Our parents got together when we were around four- "work spouses" who were both recently divorced- and our little sister came a few years later.

My bio mom and my brother's bio dad are a mess, somewhere between incapable and unwilling to parent full time. I've been in therapy off and on for most of my life and got my C-PTSD diagnosis at 15. My brother, god love him, just reached his first year of sobriety, having started drinking around the same age.

Naturally, every time we had a chance to say "This isn't normal" to our shared folks, we'd be told "Well of course you'd think that, you're used to your other parent!". The other person was a shovel used for digs: "This isn't their house!". They'd call me by my mom's name when I made them upset.

I assumed I was broken either because of my mom or because of the split. I can't know for certain, of course, but I think the cause of the C-PTSD was specifically that they traded custody daily, at my mom's request, until she moved out of state. She gives the silent treatment. My stepmom screams. The rules changed on me literally every 24 hours until I was 13.

Life evened out a lot when she did move away - but not entirely. I wound up in screamland 90% of the time rather than 50. I couldn't figure out why it didn't feel right or why it kept happening to me, but I believed my folks: I wasn't used to it because my mom's "parenting" is different and worse. I felt sickened to be involved with my mom at all. I thought that if only she wasn't waiting in the wings, I'd be entitled to a normal childhood, but because of her influence, I deserved everything I got.

Anyway, I have been texting my little sister about Christmas gifts for our brother, and out of nowhere, earlier this week, she tells me she's going to therapy for the first time... because she's realized it's not normal for your mom to scream at you literally all day and your dad to not intervene.

I haven't been home for more than three days since I moved out over a decade ago. I had a chance to pass through the town earlier this year, didn't do it, and still had panic attacks for two weeks straight. I can't hack it as someone's daughter; it makes me physically sick.

But that isn't a me problem.

Not a one of them could hack it as parents.

I've stopped hearing my mother's doubts in my head - I cut her off when I moved away. I've never been quite able to shut off my stepmom's. The screamer versus the silence... it fits.

I'm not a poser if I can't create when I don't have a comfortable space to work. I should not self-reject because I'm frightened. In the absence of an abuser, I'm finding that holding ideas in also hurts a lot.

I'm not stupid or useless or gearing up to be a failure for needing the introvert rest period and knowing my limits. It will not hold me back in life.

It isn't normal to want to hurt yourself. It isn't normal for people to laugh it off and talk about themselves when you tell them you want to hurt yourself.

The mandatory insincerity I grew up around has thankfully faded a lot - I don't think I could summarize that anymore if I tried.

I'm heartbroken that my little sister is going to need to learn these things - but ecstatic that she will, and is actively moving towards it. Had a similar conversation with our brother a few years ago, but of course, he has his dad in the wings; it hits differently now knowing that it would have happened no matter what. Children in that home are screamed at, hit, and not defended. Simple as.

I'm not what they wanted me to be.

I'd say that's "fine" but that doesn't even begin to cover it. It's exemplary.

[yet-another-heathen]

For my beloved henry: 12, 27, 38, and..3 (go to bed and nEVER WAKE UP HAHA)

And for Naddylicious: 18, 32, and B!

Oh boy. Putting this bad boy under a cut because it's a long one! Thank you Nemi <33

Henry:

How do they put themselves to bed at night (reading, singing, thinking?)

Most nights, Henry spends about an hour before bed bundled up and reading. He almost always ends up reading a little longer than he intended to, fighting off the heavy eyes until he finally has to put the book down before he drops it.

How do they deal with an itch found in a place they can’t quite reach? 

Oh, this one is a very familiar frustration for him—the scar tissue around his arm acts up sometimes and will get insanely itchy, but because the nerves have been so heavily rewired it can be nearly impossible to figure out WHERE the scratch is coming from. Imagine if you got a mosquito bite but no matter how much you ran your hand over your skin, you can only find a spot CLOSE to where the bite actually is. And most of the places you end up trying to itch are on scar tissue, which itself feels awful to scratch at. It's endlessly frustrating. Henry will try to ignore them for a while, but he usually just gets shifty and then irritable and then finally has to go off to a bathroom somewhere to spend ten minutes searching for them.

More mundane itches, he'll just excuse himself to go handle.

What causes them to feel dread? 

😈 Electricity. The sound of it crackling, the sight of sparks arcing through air. It gives him a very tangible kind of dread because he knows that if he gets shocked, it could very well stop his heart. And even if it doesn't kill him outright, a good shock means going to make sure that his ICD is still functional. And if not, that means yet another heart surgery in order to replace it.

Dogs are another one. Less dread and more 'you're gonna get to see him climb onto a table to get away from your Pomeranian' kind of antics.

What memory do they revisit the most often? 

You know, this is a really really hard one for me to answer. Henry spends so much of his time planning for the future, and very rarely goes about living in the past. Unless it's something he's still carrying a lot of guilt over. And of those, you pretty much have your pick—most of the time it's over the kind of mistake that you can only see the other choices for in hindsight. How you'd wish you'd been more careful, that you'd known to ask, that you'd waited just one day more. The ones that really haunt him are the ones that got other people hurt. And unfortunately, of those he has quite a selection.

Nadi:

What embarrasses them?

Nudity. And unfortunately for Nadi, his definition of the word is MUCH different than the ifrits'. To him and his people, a grown man having his hair exposed to people other than family is horribly indecent. Having his face exposed to strangers before they've become acquainted is the same. And having any more of his body exposed than just his hands and feet?? It's so unthinkably humiliating that to be in as little clothing as the ifrit wear would make Nadeem want to curl up into a little ball and cry. He has no idea how the ifrit just. Do that. And he's so badly hoping they won't make him join them.

[Here's the fun part of having Nadi as a narrator though: this boy doesn't realize that to the rest of the world, he's the one who is such a traditionalist and prude that it borders on comedy. They entertain it because they think it's cute.]

Do they have a go-to story in conversation? Or a joke? 

Not a specific joke, but he does have some pretty signature stories when he's around younger kids. Nadi earned himself a reputation around his village for being able to entertain all the children with his storytelling. It got to the point where parents who wanted to socialize during holidays knew exactly where to go leave their little ones; circled around a fire where Nadeem was already painting tales of travellers and magic. And the kids loved it because if they begged enough, then near the end of the night they could always talk him into one (1) scary story. And at those? Nadeem absolutely excelled. Sometimes it would be stories he adapted from real jinn encounters—a lot less bloody and terrifying than real life tales, but taking from the things that made them so unnerving. And he'd watch for when the kids were all holding their breaths in terror, then give a little jump scare. And then end the story on something silly, once the chorus of delighted screaming was over.

And for Nadi's final question, I've already got the answer for you here!

[kirklandsheartsecrets]

England x reader II Bonus 2

part 1

Arthur followed your eyes to the kid silently. Even Alfred noticed his absence.

« Why don't you sleep with us? This bed is big enough for all 3, and i'm sure Alfred would love to have you next to him. » You calmly said, conscious that it's your second attempt asking him to stay with you tonight.

The brit fought the will to retort before leaning in.

The sight of his very first « child » and the one he loves so dearly visibly missing him took over his thougts.

His hand reaches to Alfred, pulling back blonde strands off his face while smiling.

Arthur looked up at you, a soft smile over your lips after his gesture.

He would be lying if he didn't felt jealousy, the children being colonies, they weren't his kids theorically. They weren't from his blood, just like you weren't officially wed to him.

He would be even more lying to himself and to you if what Alfred said few months ago enthiusiastically didn't slightly make his blood boil with jealousy.

He remembers the clear voice with an slight Irish consonance saying,

'I promise, i'll marry you when i'll grow older [Name], just wait-'

He remembers you laughing softly at that sentence, nodding.

First, that kid needed to spend less time with his Irish brother and Secondly, he ain't going to marry you later, and if he really plans on doing so ; arthur wouldn't mind going on a war against Alfred over you (Didn't he over taxes tho?).

Whilst reminding himself the moment, Arthur finally turned completely towards you. The ² same hand which leaned to Alfred earlier went over the american child reaching to your hand now.

It's been forever since he took your hand in his, kissing the top softly. His warm lips sent sparks from your hand to your whole body. When done with his favorite gesture the blonde caressed your hand with his thumb on the exact spot where he just kissed it whilst pulling you closer and leaning in to hold your face.

You were carefully leaning in because of Alfred sleeping right in between of your sitting figures next to him. When your husband of now pulled you close, you couldn't ignore the

butterflies in your stomach, just like the heat invading your face.

When you kissed slowly but yet for a mere few seconds, you didn't expect to feel so warm, however a whimper from under your infatuated bodies shook the feeling away, curiousity and parental worry rising suddenly.

Due to Alfred being slightly closer to Arthur's pillow he's been sat against on the bed, when he leaned in to kiss you, the blonde almost forgot about the child in between. Alfred obviously felt the bed sheet shifting slowly and getting tighter due to the weight on the giantic bed resulting in a whimper coming out of his mouth.

You stared at Alfred until Arthur pulled your head back to face him with his finger on your

chin.

« Look up to me darling » He says,

« Don't tell me you're still jealous- »

« That's not what i meant- »

You snorted at his reaction.

Centuries later, when Arthur finally proposed, obviously he told Alfred first.

Congratulating you two on the phone was not enough for the American, so he found his way to your house in the next few days.

It was only when he entered the house that Alfred let it slip out of his mouth,

The most basic sentence ever,

« Hi mom »

It took Arthur's astonished face and no sound from you for Alfred to realize what he just said.

[zoeyp03]

I'm literally just writing this at the request of a friend who wanted to learn more about my relationship with gender, so here goes

I had a rocky relationship with gender like.. ages ago. I was one of those people who at a very early age exhibited like heavily feminine qualities. I liked pink, I liked dresses, I liked princesses. And as an AFAB person this looked nothing out of the ordinary for like... a couple of third world country parents raising their "perfect A, gold star girl". But of course, there reached that stage, where there was no way in absolute hell you could allow someone, anyone, to be feminine at all. And of course, since society thinks that a single ounce of body fat immediately means that you... can't exist or something.

I'd started to get bullied for daring to believe I could look cute while being hyper feminine, bit by bit I began to resent femininity, and then... I was "not like other girls". If I wasn't allowed to be feminine, I wasn't going to even try at all. I was terrible, terrible to other girls. Maybe not the bully, but being an outcast doesn't immediately make you the victim. Yes, I was quiet about my resentment, but it was still there and very present for me.

Before I'd realized, my mom (bless her) took notice of this and just... asked me what was wrong. A little something called "learned helplessness" taught me that it's never ok to tell someone what id wrong with you, at all. So I never said anything. But at the very least I knew one thing: I hated being a "girl". I hated it because I felt like I was not allowed to do anything I wished. I hated it, because the word was always associated with being "lame", "weak", "lesser than others", and of course "ugly". Of course, these are very stupid, and not at all valid ways to reason being non-binary. So little me had a long journey before them to learn that these were not the reason they weren't a girl at all. And it all started with... internet.

The internet was my safe haven, needless to say. I didn't have to share my image with everyone to see, and ruin my reputation with how dreadfully ugly I was (again, child brain.) I had heard of Tumblr like a few years ago, I was told that it wasn't a safe place because all of the terrible people with bad takes went there. But I wanted to find that out for myself. Turns out, I didn't just stumble upon the bad people with the bad takes, I'd just met... people. Sure, more than half of them were misinformed children just like me, but they all taught me a valuable lesson that I hadn't thought of: breaking out the of gender binary.

Being trans was... beyond me. I had no idea that that was even a possibility at all, and when I'd learned that was a thing, I was impressed! You can just... change your gender? To the one that you actually are? That was amazing! ...But there was nooo way that could apply to me! I was a girl! Sure, not the prettiest girl, but still a girl!

Buddy, the signs were there. But alas, they needed a while to figure it out.

I had excitedly told about it to my rl best friend. She was just as amazed as I was. Another friend who at the time I was entirely aware that they were a lesbian, chimed in that they were aware of it and that it was a very cool thing. I was... very lucky that I was surrounded by people who could understand and be amazed with me. I could not even imagine if that were the case.

Anyway, I was made aware of what being transgender was at a relatively younger age, but the concept of being non-binary eluded me, even as I grew into being a teenager. What do you mean you're not a man or a woman? Didn't they just tell you what you were supposed to be when you were younger? How do you manage to just... ignore what people tell you what you're supposed to be? Something in me told me that I resonated with the concept, that there was a chance I was not a girl at all.

But with the life that surrounded me outside of my friendships, outside of my internet circle... I was still the "little girl of the family", the "only daughter", "the little miracle". I was always told what I was supposed to be by my family. That I was supposed to become an expert in English, get an amazing job as either a doctor or a lawyer, marry a good man and have at least 2 kids. My life had been planned out by my family ages ago.But that was not me.

By a certain period of time, I knew I was part of the m-spec, with the label of "bisexual" feeling like the most fitting for me personally. I knew I did not want children. Teen me says it's because they hate kids, present day me says that it's because they do not have what it takes to be a parent. Any children I could have deserve better than what I could give them. But that's besides the point. I knew I was queer, yet something always stopped me from believing I could be anything other than a girl. Maybe it's that feeling of "I could disappoint someone", "What's that going to change for my image?", "Who in real life could be attracted to someone like me even if I wasn't a girl?" (I apologize for the last one, I've been a hopeless romantic my entire life)

But time passes, and people change. Including the adults around me. I saw that my mom (bless her), had been watching and interacting with media aplenty that included transgender people in them. A Brazillian soap opera in particular had caught my attention. There was a trans man in that series, and as painfully typical and angsty as you would expect for a story like that to be in a soap opera, my mom was moved by it. I can't remember if the portrayal was misinformed, or outdated, but at the time it was what I needed. For once, I saw a family member understand and sympathize with a transgender person. For once, the possibility of me not being a girl at all didn't seem so out of the ordinary. There was just one thing I needed to get over.

I still continued to be more masculine, and I had considered the idea that I could be a trans man myself. And despite the fact that being referred to with masculine pronouns felt correct (thank you mom for confusing me and my brother from time to time), being referred to as a "man" didn't really fit... Not to mention, I felt like a part of me was missing. Something I hadn't quite tried and enjoyed, almost years ago.

I hadn't completely quit being feminine, because to my family I was still a girl. And a girl will be given girly clothes by other family members. Fortunately, as time passed and as I kept on learning about gender and to be more sympathetic to women AND TO MYSELF, I started to accept my femininity again. I wanted to learn how to do my makeup since it looked like fun, I loved painting my nails, and there were some dresses I felt comfortable and cute in.

At some point, I had this internal battle. Should I be feminine or masculine? Was I a man or a woman? I could not figure it out for the life of me. I identified as bigender for a while, but I didn't feel like it fit for me. I also tried identifying as a demigirl for another while, and while it made me massively happy to identify as such for a good amount of time, I came to the slow but sure realization that I was something else entirely.

I was non-binary.

It didn't come to me as a shock, or a revelation. But more along the lines of "finally figuring out all the pieces of the puzzle, and all of them falling into place perfectly". For once in my life, I was at peace with myself. Sure, the chances of most rl circles in my country not at all understanding what the hell non-binary could possibly mean was gonna be hurtful, painful even. It was gonna sting, and as a matter of fact, things were going to get even harder from this point forward.

But I am not in this for the simplicity of things. I don't want to simplify things for others' comfort. I am making it my life's mission to help educate others, but also to educate myself even more. I am literally only 20 years old as I am writing this. Hell, it may suddenly turn out that I could be a binary trans man, I could be bigender, there is still so much I have to learn about myself. It's not a journey with a certain destination. But I am more than willing to keep on going in this journey if it means I'll be satisfied with myself.

Non-binary feels right to me right now. If that is not the case anymore at some point, we'll get to that whenever. And if not, then I'll learn about something else about myself, something I had not thought about, and settle my feelings on the matter.

This story does not have a real ending, it's a never-ending journey. And I'm willing to go at it for as long as I can, if it means that I'll be happy with myself, with my friends, and my loved ones. That's what I've set out to do ever since I entered this world.

[raptorific]

You are projecting a lot of your own baggage onto the words "trouble" and "mad at you" that was NOT in my post, and started splitting hairs at an "I'm not mad I'm just disappointed" level. So, just to clarify:

Accessing these materials is not what I'm saying is an important developmental stage. I'm saying it's important developmentally to sneak them, and specifically to do so against the wishes and without the knowledge of the central authority figure in the kid's life. Actually seeing the materials isn't the point, the point is hearing your parents say "you're not old enough to handle this," thinking "yes I am," doing it anyway, handling it, and letting your parents continue to think they've stopped you doing it. It's about intellectual independence, and the only way it works is if the thing they're consuming is off-limits and that venturing outside those limits carries some degree of risk. The whole point of the Milestone is that the kid has realized they're mature enough to decide for themselves which of their actions require adult supervision

Believe it or not, "my parent sits me down and has a long uncomfortable conversation with me about the inappropriate movie I wasn't supposed to watch" falls under the umbrella of "punishment" and "in trouble" and "mad at you." No matter how permissive or supportive of a parent you are, you will ALWAYS reach a point where your kid knows their limits better than you, and you will never know when this threshold has been reached, because by the time you get there, you'll have heard your child confidently yet incorrectly assure you it's passed ten thousand times. I am very obviously not suggesting children should be abused or even disproportionately punished. I am suggesting that the parent's response to rule-breaking should perhaps be slightly sterner than "okay, you know best." If you think that's punitive parenting, then I don't know what to tell you

If you're a good parent, you'll create circumstances where your kid, having broken your rules and found that you were right, they COULDN'T handle it, and they're in over their head, feels comfortable admitting this to you and coming to you for support, even knowing that you'll be upset with them. But the "I disagreed with my parents about what I should do, and I realized I could do what I wanted and opt out of any fallout by simply not telling them" aspect is still absolutely crucial, even when you have amazing supportive parents. It's the point at which you actualize yourself as the boss of your own intellectual life.

The posts fearmongering about the possibility of kids and teens consuming media that's inappropriate for their age always make me feel like a space alien, especially when the people grant that it's okay for kids to like Adult things as long as they're not too "inappropriate" or "graphic" (sexual content, violence, scary stuff)

Because like, I really think my honest and genuine take would spin these people into a rage at me, because not only do I think it's "not a bad thing" when kids read stuff for adults, I think it is actively beneficial to them to read the Inappropriate and Graphic stuff, and specifically I think it is imperative to their development that, at a point, they start to do so against their parents' wishes and without their parents' knowledge

[stanmammon]

If you're still doing prompt requests, could you do 6 with Lucifer? I always imahine he would have a mischievous daughter lol.

Lucifer: 

Normally the pitter patter of little feet brought parents joy, but when it was the middle of the night, you couldn’t help but regret the fact your daughter had learned to be an escape artist so early.

Her room was positioned directly next to you and Lucifer, and it hadn’t been too long since she’d gotten her own space when you felt comfortable enough to leave her alone. You (and especially Lucifer) had been grateful to have your own space back without a screaming baby but a new set of problems had been set up. While her crib had looked rather secure you knew your daughter, who seemed to have inherited her father’s keen intelligence, had figured out how to lift her tiny body out of the crib before running to cause havoc around the rest of the house. Demon babies seemed to develop a little faster than human ones thus her growth seemed advanced despite her still being pretty young, and you had been reassured it was normal, but it was beginning to give you a run for your money.

You were happily snoozing away after another exhausting day of chasing your daughter around the house, held tight in Lucifer’s warm embrace. You were both light sleepers but you knew what to listen out for now, never fully relaxed even if you had locked the door to your daughter’s bedroom. You flinched as you heard the familiar click of the lock, letting out a groan that caused Lucifer to stir; you shook his shoulder, unsurprised to meet his grumpy stare when he finally did wake up.

“What is it?”

“She’s your kid before five in the morning.” Lucifer huffed at your statement.

“Just mine?”

“It’s your fault we don’t get peaceful nights sleep anymore,” You mumbled into your pillow, “All because of your little kink.”

“And I’ll do it again,” Lucifer murmured in your ear, kissing your earlobe before he begrudgingly pushed himself out of bed. He had never realized how nice it was to simply lay with you in it until he had a child that forced him to leave you at all hours of the night, not blaming you for wanting some peace since he was normally gone all day. He wanted to complain but he bit his tongue for now, knowing you were likely just as grumpy as he was about being woken up so early.

Lucifer moved in total silence so his daughter wouldn’t hear him coming, wanting to catch her in the act as that was the perfect way to assure she wouldn’t do it again. She was also surprisingly fast so if she saw him coming from too far away, he would be running laps around the house waiting for her to tire out before he could get his hands on her. The one night he had sworn he would never catch up but she had tripped over her uncle Belphegor’s sleeping form, having passed out in the hallway without any of the other brothers noticing. Mammon had also once helped her hide out in his room, though he had given her up quickly after realizing children liked to touch everything within their reach.

His brothers took joy in making his life a little more difficult but Lucifer was happy that they wanted to bond with his daughter in their own ways.

She was rapidly approaching a door, clearly she had a destination in mind already, but Lucifer swooped in to stop her from making noise. She let out a surprised shriek but seemed less panicked when she saw her fathers face looking back at her, no matter how tired his eyes were. She reached over to touch his face in greeting before she realized she had been interrupted.

“Wake!” She pointed at Levi’s door, reaching out towards it as Lucifer turned away to stop her from hitting the door. “He wake!”

“He’s always awake. You, however, should not be.” Lucifer hushed her as she started to whine, beginning the short walk back to her room. “Perhaps if you behave and go to bed on time, you’ll be allowed to watch anime with him tomorrow.”

“Oh, sleep?” She laid her head down on his shoulder, “I sleep.”

“In your bed. All night.”

“Hmph.”

The fact she knew how to pout already almost made him laugh, Lucifer knowing he could certainly blame you for that one.

[arrowflier]

Okay, I'm trying to figure out how it all works here with asks and I'm so sorry, if I do it wrong.

Thank you for all your beautiful speedwritings, they're perfect. You're so skilled, it's incredible.

If you still take prompts, I wonder whether you could do something about Ian talking to the paralayzed Terry and telling him how he, as a farther, could do right about Mickey and how Mickey deserves everything and how while Ian doesn't understand WHY, he sees that Mickey cares about his asshole of a parent. I guess, I prompt something like Ian being protective over Mickey in front of Terry, maybe without Mickey being in the picture for the most part.

Thank you in advance, if you consider that!

Thank you anon!  Content warning: Terry Milkovich.  He deserves his own.

"Hey, I gotta run out for a sec," Mickey says after rooting unsuccessfully through the refrigerator in the new Milkovich house.  "They're out of that protein stuff the doctor said he needs."

"I'll come with you," Ian says, already grabbing for his stuff, but Mickey stops him with a hand on his chest.

"Need ya to stay here," he tells Ian.  He bites his lip, not meeting Ian's eyes.  "Don't wanna leave him alone, you know?"

No, Ian didn't know.  Because if it were up to him, Terry Milkovich would be alone and miserable for the rest of his hopefully short life.

But Mickey still felt something for the man.  If he could even be called a man after what he put his children through.  And Ian might not understand that--he stopped caring about Frank years ago, and his real father years before that--but Mickey is tired and anxious and staring unfocused over Ian’s shoulder, and Ian isn’t going to let him down.

“Okay,” he says instead.  “I’ll hold down the fort.”

And Mickey is smiling, quick and thin, and pecking him on the side of his mouth in thanks and in goodbye.

“Keep your mouth to yourself under my roof, boy,” Terry growls from the living room, and Mickey rolls his eyes and flips him off without looking.

“Back soon,” he promises Ian, backing away.  “Don’t kill him while I’m gone.”

“Aw shucks,” Ian answers flatly, eyebrows raised.  “There go my afternoon plans.”

Mickey comes back over at that, kisses him again.  Pulls back more slowly, ignoring Terry’s grumbling.

“Make it up to you later,” he says lowly, and winks.  Then he pats Ian on the cheek, and is out the door with his wallet and the ambulance keys before Ian can say another word.

It’s quiet for a moment.  Ian keeps on with what he was doing before Mickey left--rinsing out the old bowls in the sink, sipping on a beer--and Terry does the only thing he can: sit and mope.

The quiet doesn’t last for very long.

“Why are you still here?” Terry demands to know.  “You after my ass now?”

Ian can’t help it; he snorts so hard he can feel bubbles from the beer in his nose.

“Oh yeah,” he reveals.  “You got me all figured out, Terry.  I’m just with your son so I can get to your saggy, decrepit ass.”

It feels good, to wind Terry up the way he used to wind up Frank.  To taunt him without having to worry about the repercussions.  And Terry must realize he’s enjoying it a little too much, because his next words are a lot harder to laugh off.

“Shoulda put bullets in both of you when I had the chance.  Fuckin’ queers.”

Ian goes still.  Water continues to splash off the dishes, wetting his arms, but he ignores it.

“What did you just say?” he asks quietly.

“You heard me, you pansy-ass fuck.  I should have put you in the ground where you belong, and let him jump in after you.”

Ian reaches out calmly to turn off the water.

“You shouldn’t say shit like that,” Ian says softly.  Softly but sure, a thread of something in his voice like barbed wire, like blood, like the butt of a pistol against Mickey’s head.

“Did I hurt your little girl feelings?” Terry goads.  “Gonna cry now, princess.”

A humorless laugh escapes Ian as he pushed back from the counter, makes his way to the living room where Terry has no choice but to sit.

“You know,” he says casually as he does, “I used to wonder why you hated us so much.”  He smirks.  “The gays, you know.”

He doesn’t stop until he’s right in front of Terry’s chair, towering over him.  He doesn’t lean forward, doesn’t put his hands anywhere near the man.  He just stands, and looks at him.  Waits until Terry’s typical sneer starts to fall, for his eyes to dart nervously around the room.

"But that's the thing, isn't it?" Ian says finally.  "I don't give a shit if you hate me, or why."  He shrugs.  "Don't even really care if you hate him."

"Then why the fuck are you talkin to me?"

"Because your opinions are garbage," Ian answers plainly.  "You're garbage.  And if it were up to me, I'd throw you out with the molded leftovers and never spare you a second goddamn thought."

"But it isn't up to me," Ian adds.  "And Mickey asked me to take care of you, so here I am.  For him."

"You his bitch now?" Terry mutters.  His eyes may be about all he can move, but he uses them to full advantage, eying Ian up and down like there's some visible sign of his

"Thought it was the other way around."

"I'm not his bitch, Terry," Ian says calmly.  "And he isn't mine.  He's my husband--yes, husband, despite your best efforts--" he repeats firmly at Terry’s responding scowl, "and I will do everything in my power to make him happy."

"Milkoviches don't do happy," Terry grunts.  "Makes people weak."

"Well Gallaghers do," Ian counters, "and it makes us strong."

"You always did think you were better than us, you gay ginger fuck."

"Better than you?" Ian repeats.  "Abso-fucking-lutely.  But better than Mickey?"  He snorts.  "Not in a million years."

Now he does lean in, bracing his hands on the arms of that hospital-issue chair.

"Despite your best efforts, your son is amazing,” Ian tells the man he hates more than anything.  “He's a good man, a good husband.  A good uncle to my sister's kid, my brother's.”

Terry is avoiding his eyes, trying to look like he isn’t.  Ian doesn’t care--he revels in the knowledge that his very presence makes the man uncomfortable.

"I've hurt him too, you know,” Ian confesses, just to see the faint flinch Terry tries to hide.  “So many times.  And he should have left me for it, but he didn't.

“Because unlike you,” Ian continues, “Mickey takes care of the people in his life.  The people he loves.”  

Ian pulls back, away from Terry’s face, gives him room to breathe again.  Rubs a hand over his own face, and sighs.  He can hear a door slamming outside--Mickey, probably, already back from the store.

“I'm working on making it up to him,” he tells Terry while they still have the room to themselves.  “All the shit I've put him through.  Because of all the people on the earth, he might deserve it the most.”

Mickey’s footsteps are approaching the front door, and Ian moved back toward the kitchen.  Before he starts the water again, he looks back at Terry one more time.  At the face that once haunted his dreams, now pale and sweaty and forced still.

“Maybe you should try to make some things up to him, too.”

[thejustmaiden]

So out of nowhere I was tagged and quoted by a SR shipper for a blog of mine posted in August of last year. Talk about throwback but, hey, gotta appreciate that level of snooping. 😉

Back in the day I actually used to encourage discourse amongst Inuyasha fans- both shippers and antis alike- but I've since realized that it's a lost cause. But for you, @feministmetalgreymon , I'll grant this exception. Just 'cause it's been a while so why the hell not. haha

I want to assure you, however, that nothing you say will ever convince me that Sesshomaru and Rin are meant to be together romantically or that the story intended it so. Nor will you find any validation here. You can ship them for all I care, but please for all that is good and holy while I have your attention try- I mean really try- to understand why it is so many of us Inuyasha fans are so against this pairing in the first place (newsflash: it's not about ship wars), and why we believe a romance between the two of them is completely and utterly out of character.

For those of you interested in reading this, the blog of mine in question that the above shipper mentions in their counter-argument is here for reference. It's titled "Jaken = Rin's Dad?" I'm going to try and keep this short, but I'm also making no such promises. After all, I'm not exactly known for my brevity. haha Now let's get crackin'!

Like you, feministmetalgreymon, did for your recent blog here where you took screenshots of mine to address certain parts, I will be doing the same and dissecting yours accordingly.

[Snippet 1]

I worked with kids for many years as a teacher, and many people in my family have too or still do. Two of them happen to be just over 5 feet which is quite short for the average adult woman living here. I've also worked alongside many a women of short stature, and never did I hear any of them complaining of issues with their students having difficulty differentiating them from their own peers just because they were short as well. I'm sorry but that's just ridiculous. Kids are quite smart and pick up on a lot more than you seem to give them credit for. Height is not the only characteristic they look at to determine who's an adult and who's not, and it's foolish to suggest otherwise. So unless you're a babysitter who's still in their teens and/or who has very childlike features or behavior then I'm afraid what you're getting at is total hogwash. This is just another example of how you shippers offer nothing of real substance to your reasoning, it's only ever cherry-picking or strawmanning from you guys. Stop deflecting from the real issues please, because this certainly isn't one and only winds up being a complete waste of time for all parties involved.

[Snippet 2]

Okay, calm down now. I wasn't insinuating that relationships between parents and children can't change over time in terms of how they get along. Of course that's possible, as all families experience their fair share of estrangement and abuse. What I was speaking about was in reference to the overall dynamic between the two. Because a bad mother or father can still be viewed as a parental figure to their child even if say they're not in said child's life anymore. Since Sesshomaru and Rin share a healthy bond- and just a friendly reminder that in my blog I even said that he doesn't have to necessarily be labeled her father but that a romantic relationship later would still be inappropriate- I didn't deem it necessary to address what you brought up. Plus, it kinda, umm, misses the point?? Please, let's stay on topic. And it's not captured in the screenshot, but stop acting like there isn't a small part of them that idolizes their parents at some point during childhood. Just like you mention later on how it's normal for kids to have innocent crushes on adults that they eventually grow out of? Well, guess what, the same concept applies here. Kids eventually learn that their parents are far from perfect and make mistakes too. Rin is so damn young in the OG series though that we never even get to see her reach that maturity level.

[Snippet 3]

LOL! Alright, okay, so the "unbreakable bond" bit you're mentioning was actually me quoting you sessrinners. Did you not catch that? I literally spelled it out. *sigh* The whole point I was making is that shippers like yourself make hypocritical and contradictory statements all.the.goddamn.time. One moment you guys claim that Sesshomaru and Rin were essentially strangers and meant very little to each other, only to say in the same breath a few seconds later that they were destined to be together and their bond is like no other. I agree, their bond is special, but why must that mean they're going to fall in love?

That is the root of the matter here. Too many animes/mangas have romanticized this older adult man & young girl growing up falling in love trope that it's become way too normalized and widely accepted across the world- and yes, in some cultures more than others. Sadly, you lack the awareness to recognize how this all works. You know how we know that? When we see that you shippers are so desensitized to sexualized images of girls in the media that you share posts like this one below which *subtly* imply a future romance although one half of that pairing is still just a child in the pic and then try and pass it off as cute. That's like super fucking problematic and it scares me that you can't see that (or deny you do). 🤢

After all that's said and done, Sesshomaru leaving Rin in the village with Kaede is to me the strongest indicator more than pretty much anything else he's done for Rin that proves he is her adoptive father. It's so funny to me how you somehow see the exact opposite though. 🤔 What I think is happening is that you got yourself on some squeaky clean ass shipper goggles fresh out of your little echo chamber. Because I hate to tell you, but what you're fantasizing is what you want to see and not what's actually there on screen or was written into the story. I'm strictly talking about Inuyasha and the manga of course. [For the TL; DR version skip to the last paragraph.]

Parents looking after their kids is what parents are supposed to do. A good parent will do anything to keep their child safe and ensure they are cared for, so what he did for her by leaving her there was in her best interests clearly. Besides, as a babysitter, you more than most people should understand that parents aren't always able to be there for their kids so sometimes others gotta step in to help. Haven't you heard of the saying, "it takes a village to raise a child?" Which in Rin's case is literally true! 😂 Sometimes kids are even sent off to stay with grandparents and that's who raises them instead. Or maybe they have to temporarily live with an aunt or uncle because their single parent's job requires they work out of town 4-5 days of the week so they're hardly home. But that doesn't mean that the parents care or love their kids any less, and it's foolish to assume that Sesshomaru must have thought very little of Rin simply due to the fact that he made the decision to leave her in the village. Come on, y'all are acting like he abandoned her there!!

It's just given the circumstances Sesshomaru finally came to learn that Rin traveling with him was no longer safe. I also like to think it's because he wished for her to live a more normal life and to learn how to fully trust humans again. Plus, continuing to travel with him as young as she was would have proven dangerous and unwise. Now for you to know all this and still manage to turn his past actions towards her while she was just a child into a romantic gesture is what boggles my mind. Regardless of how you look at it, from my perspective or your own, Sesshomaru is in the wrong. Either he's a father figure who impregnates his daughter at the young age of approximately 14. OR he's this man she used to travel with who maybe isn't a father to her but who nonetheless basically rapes her since kids her age can't consent to sex with an adult. Idk about you but it sounds to me like nobody here wins with either scenario we're given. In other words, you should be just as mad as we are. If only one side didn't choose to forsake their morals they know we both have in common for the sake of a ship. Welp. 🤷‍♀️

I agree, incest is disgusting but that's not the only problem we have with this pairing. A romantic bond forming between Sesshomaru and Rin would also constitute as grooming.

You realize that over the years he visited her in the village that he brought her gifts too and essentially watched her grow up right before his very eyes, right? I mean, I know you do, but I really shouldn't have to explain further why pursuing a romantic/sexual relationship with each other is plain and simple wrong. And before you say it's not because he didn't have any malintent, please understand that considering their history and power dynamic up to then that yes this is still considered grooming even if Rin supposedly "wanted it" or "made the first move." Whether you consider him her father or not, as the adult who took on a role resembling that of a caretaker in her early life- a critical developmental time for a child- Sesshomaru is obligated to turn down any advances by Rin and most definitely should not initiate any himself. As the first close adult figure she's had in her life since her parents died, it's unfathomable to imagine how Sesshomaru could go through with taking advantage of this young girl who was under his care and supervision since they met. To think he could be capable of betraying that trust sickens me to the core.

This. Now THIS is how a parent/guardian or a similar adult caretaker (babysitter, teacher, etc.) talks to a child. And, in turn, this is how some young children talk to adults. You'd be insane and delusional to deny it! We see it in our everyday lives, do we not? From where else do you think our stories draw most of their inspiration? Yes, obviously these fictional universes have aspects of fantasy that don't exist in the real world, but so how then do you suppose we're able to relate to them? The reason for that being is because these stories are written by people for people, so naturally there are going to be real life aspects embedded throughout. Sure, a little escapism doesn't hurt as we don't need to take everything so seriously, but ultimately we all need to recognize that the messages in the stories we tell matter. Most stories possess a combination of both light and dark themes, but when it specifically comes to the latter we gotta be careful with how we tackle this in children's media since kids are far more impressionable.

So if at the center of a story we have two of the main protagonists whose mom is basically their same age and to top it off she knew their dad when she was just a girl and who just so happened to help raise her, wouldn't you say that's beyond fucked up or at the very least so fucking weird? Like why would we think it's even remotely okay for our children to watch this garbage?? Really think about it. Try and be objective for once and think about how it would sound explaining this storyline to an outsider who's never watched IY or HNY. Well, antis have tried this before many times and we always get the same reaction: Ewww!

Like I said earlier, if you wanna ship it then fine, but 1) please stop seeking our approval or trying to change our minds - your ship wish came true didn't it, so why do you need us to validate it? 2) even though it's not canon, respect that we don't support this sequel portraying pedophilia in a positive light. It's harmful af to not only allow but glorify the continuation of sexualized images of young girls everywhere. And I shouldn't have to say this, but just because this trope is popular as you say does not make it right. Lolicon themes in the media have been an issue forever and it needs to stop. Yes, even some people in Japan or "the East" would agree. Shocker!

We're pissed off and rightfully so because Yashahime's TV rating is 14, not to mention it airs at the prime time kids in Japan watch TV after getting home from school. That's Towa and Setsuna's age, true, but if Rin being the mom when she's like only a year older than them (please don't argue w/ me about the math- antis have so far been right every time with it) is straight-up disgusting and not something we should be supporting or endorsing. Rin's a whole ass child!! Please don't start with the "but times were different then so her having kids at 15 is acceptable" argument either, because we've already debunked that and every other single excuse you guys throw at us. Besides, how or why would you expect young viewers to know these historical "facts" anyway, especially if as you suggest fiction doesn't affect reality so what does it matter? Yet here we are, arguing over a fictional show in real life almost a year and a half into the "Sesshomaru fucks?" sequel being announced. My ass, your ass, hell all our asses fiction doesn't affect reality!

Look, I do apologize if the tone of this blog came off as snippy or condescending at times. I do not wish you any ill will, it's just I'm not really sure what you expected to get out of all this besides maybe getting on my nerves perhaps. haha A lot of you shippers have been desperately scrambling to interact with us, lurking in our tags, jumping onto our posts screaming canon and getting so defensive even though you sought us out first. We've been sticking to our tags, so how about you stay in your lane too. By the way since we're on the topic, have you seen Twitter or Reddit?! SR shippers there are the actual worst and many Inuyasha fans (not just antis) have complained of not feeling welcomed to engage in fandom spaces anymore. Shippers swarm them and scare them off simply because fans don't like your ship and refuse to accept it. It's pathetic, really. No one should ever be bullied or harassed just because they don't like something you might. We're all fans of Inuyasha, aren't we? So let's act like it. Yashahime on the other hand, you guys are welcome to that pungent heap of trash. Fans have a right to criticize it too, but if you like it then good for you, so keep on liking it and don't mind us.

I'm almost done, but real quick back to Jaken! Let's not forget about how the official Yashahime website- which came out after my blog, mind you- described Jaken. This translation isn't the best one available but it's the only version a fellow anti friend could track down. They do recall a better one done by a native Japanese speaker who was also an anti, and that member confirmed that Jaken is indeed called Rin's babysitter. So you see, I was right in my interpretation. In the original post I did compare Jaken to a brother, but after talking to others (some comments can be found under said post) I did acknowledge that he's more of a reluctant babysitter who's not related. And if he's not at least a brother to Rin, then he's definitely not her father.

At the end of the day, the creator Rumiko Takahashi has the final word. Which is guess what? Hogosha. 💖 Probably should've just started out with that and saved us all the trouble, huh? Good day/night to you.

Papamaru bids you adieu now. 🤞