#and realized I have a fuck ton of emotions
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The funniest part imho is that Via is canonically 17. What 17 year old isn't flawed? I mean, they're going through pivotal years where emotions are dialed on extremes, and the big Uncle Iroh questions of "who are you and what do you want" constantly looms overhead. Yeah, a lot of actions teens take are influenced by their surrounding environment and role models, but that doesn't immediately absolve every reaction they have to these influences. Nuance is key.
Take S2E2 where Via steals the grimoire. As children, we hang on to every word and promise made by our role models. So it's no fault of Via's that she had high expectations that Stolas would remember that promise. She remembers it, so of course the guy who said he'd do it would too, right?
But here's the thing: children don't nearly have as much to think about compared to adults due to the imbalance of responsibilities they have, not to mention levels of dependence. Ergo, adults got a ton of shit on their minds and some things slip. It happens. This is just stating fact, not faulting Via for not "flipping the chessboard over," so-to-speak, and realizing this from the get-go. This is just a difference in perception based on child/adult dynamics.
The flaw here comes in at Via's reaction to Stolas via (haha) stealing the grimoire. She knows stealing it is wrong, yet does so out of intense anger that manifests into the singular impulse of "fuck it, I'll just go by myself". And asking a teen to completely curb every impulse fueled by intense emotions is like telling Blitz he can't eat his beloved cheese and hot sauce wombo-combo anymore: it's impossible. Not an excuse, but again, just fact.
So now what? Can this still be considered a character flaw of Via's if something innate and unavoidable is causing it? In my opinion, yes, because regardless of the cause for her actions, bad actions still happened. But that doesn't make her a bad character, rather the opposite because it just makes her relatable. I mean, who here has never been a teen who wanted to say "fuck it" as a response to being told off? And that's the crux of good character writing: relateability with the audience. (And, as a side note, a chance for character growth.)
So yeah, long-winded way to put this, but excusing flaws in a character just doesn't work. If anything, it invalidates what makes them them and can possibly invalidate fans who see themselves in said character. We like them because we can see a bit of us in them, warts and all.
FWIW, addressing Stolas' role in this, arguing that Stolas should've listened to Via when he was organising Stella's things doesn't absolve or excuse Via's behaviour. Could he have switched gears to focus on her? Maybe. Could he have said what he did a bit nicer? Possibly. But none of these counterfactuals hold water because this isn't a "Stolas did X so Via did Y" pipeline. There were other options. Even if Stolas had given her all his attention and still turned her down, he's not to blame for her stealing the grimoire. His dismissiveness is divorced (heheh) from Via's resulting actions and should be dealt with separately.
The way extreme Via stans who hate Stolas react when I dare imply she has flaws (which she does, she'd be a horribly written character if she didn't) is a prime example of what I mean when I say Stolas' character isn't the problem here.
These people are just incapable of handling flawed characters, because godforbid their precious little fave isn't a perfect squeaky clean saint.
(For clarification, because I know people love misunderstanding me and putting words in my mouth, Via is my 3rd fave character and these people are apperently also incapable of understanding it's possible to love Stolas, Blitz AND Via at the same time.)
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“I’m not a violent dog I don’t know why I bite”
No, I am violent. I’m violent and I know exactly why
I’m a guard dog no one bothered to train and if you hurt my friends I’ll tear your godsdamned throat out with my teeth
I’ll cut you open and watch your blood stain the earth like it’s a sacrificial altar
I’d tear your heart from your chest with my bare hands and offer it to them on my knees if I thought it’d make them feel happy or safe
#tw violence#we’re feeling feral tonight folks#mostly my own fault#I imagined a faceless figure was somehow responsible for every bit of suffering my friends have ever experienced#and thought about what I’d do to them#and realized I have a fuck ton of emotions#also one of my friends today was like ‘what if I assigned us all different types of love’#and then basically pointed at me and went ‘devotional love’#and I went ‘holy fuck you’re right’#I think I already knew this but it’s nice to consider more in depth#sorry for being insane it’ll happen again
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oh i can already tell i’m about to have some really unpopular opinions about the edge of sleep tv show
#i remember everyone loving the podcast when it came out#but as someone who was an active fan of audio dramas and podcasts for years at that point the show just. made me frustrated#i realized later after listening to left right game that qcode has this very strange and almost uncanny production behind it#where they get incredibly famous actors to play characters and then bank their marketing on that alone#and the writing is always *almost* good. like sometimes you start to think you might actually be listening to a good show#bc i mean the audio quality and special effects are all stellar#but then the writing and acting is always just a little bit too over-the-top and dramatic for it to feel natural#like the writers don’t know how to portray emotion without visuals so they just make everything Way Too Intense#and each time it feels like they just ask ‘what’s the most insane thing that can happen next?’#’oh ok he’s gonna chop dave’s dick off’#and every time you start to actually like a character they say something misogynistic or just otherwise batshit fucking insane#not to mention that time in left right game where a girl confessed her love to her best friend before LITERALLY DYING FOR HER#only for the best friend in the next scene to be like ‘erm i’m not gay 😐 awkward…’ and she’s NEVER BROUGHT UP AGAIN#qcode productions are kinda like the fast fashion of fiction podcasts i think#they churn out so many so quickly and they always feel just slightly unnatural or superficial#not to mention when i tried looking into them years ago and it’s impossible to find#literally anything about them. like their minimalist ass website was so insanely insanely vague#and yet clearly they’ve gotta have a fuck ton of money backing them to have this absurd amount of a-list talent on board#(which really i think that is all they care about)#anyways yeah some markiplier fans are gonna get pissed at me for not kissing the ground he walks on. but i was one of you. i AM one of you#and i hate that somebody out there is holding the iron lung movie over us like we’re dogs and if we wanna watch it#we gotta watch this show. which BTW they are giving no details about where to watch it#and seemingly no promotion or marketing material for a show that’s been in production for years coming out in less than 3 weeks#just weird as fuck man. and i don’t even think mark has much to do with it
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i have thought of 1 (one) pro to this whole housing situation and i’m clinging onto it for dear life
#that being the enhanced freedom of living alone/away from family again#just generally being able to have routines and (hopefully) have them be respected in shared living spaces#of course that depends on who i find as a roommate but i’m choosing to stay optimistic#and on the note of freedom that includes more social freedom to have people over#like games nights with friends and stuff#or like. people staying over occasionally.#which technically i could do before it’s just wildly uncomfortable so i generally don’t#it’s the fear of not having a place to fall back to if things go wrong#that’s really getting to me#because my family is so spread out that even if i was able to crash on my mom or grandma’s couches (bc they both live in small one bedrooms)#they’re both so far away (literally a several hour ferry ride in my mom’s case)#that i wouldn’t be able to continue work or school if i had to do that#my dad is looking for a place in the cities around where we are now but that’s not certain at all and again one bedroom#BUT#and this is a HUGE thing that my friend reminded me of#i have friends in my life who would also support me if it came to that (totally not crying while typing this)#he reminded me that his family has even said in the past that i always have a place to stay with them#and i even did at one point for several weeks when our house got all its wall torn out bc of massive water leaks#and i know i have at least two other friends who would do the same if i really needed it#and i’m so so so fucking lucky#i may not have a ton of people in my life but the people i do have are better people than i ever could have hoped for#i stumbled into knowing (and this is no exaggeration) i believe some of the kindest most compassionate loving people in existence#i was always such a sucker for found family stuff and it was only in the last two years or so that i realized that’s what i have#okay stress crying has turned to emotional gratefulness crying#still physically unpleasant but emotionally incomprebly better#personal
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i had to add the tags cause goddamn that’s so fucking real. and it’s so natural for him to go overboard in the other direction when trying to heal from the mindset of always trying to be smaller and nicer etc
but it goes back to what zelda said sophomore year, he’s not a weird guy offering a flower to someone the first day of school and singing a song trying not to get mad. he’s a rockstar, he’s saved the world, his friend group is the most popular and objectively coolest in the school, he’s literally killed many people which might not be that weird in spire but a good amount of those people were school faculty. like he’s intimidating and scary and cool and has a group of friends who can, have, and will kill for him.
i don’t think he fully realizes it yet but eventually he’s gonna realize when he says certain things that are healing for him because he’s breaking from his forced placidness, that those things can also really hurt other people. and i think with the support and friends and role models he has he’ll learn time and place and lines not to cross, etc, but i honestly just love to see the growth.
anyways he’s my boy and he’s finally standing up for himself unapologetically and maybe the whole rage thing is connected to the overarching plot in a bad way but honestly i don’t care gorgug deserves to be mad bffr. he’s in high school and he’s got a stellar support system he’ll learn when to be mad and when being mad is an understandable reaction and even though it’s not bad it isn’t the most useful or acceptable in every scenario.
i honestly think that Gorgug bullying Mary Ann is a good thing for the fandom bc i see so many of you guys being like "oh he's so sweet he would never hurt a fly", still treating him like he had no evolution since the first day of freshman year and the tinfoil flower... wrong. Gorgug is as capable of being a shithead as any of the others. he's a tall strong teenager who could very well turn into a bully if he wanted to, just like any of us, and who keeps getting pushed into it by his teacher and even his friends. Gorgug's road to self-affirmation cannot be brought forward without casualties, otherwise his narrative arc wouldn't have any weight ; this is a character who grew up being taught that you have to make yourself smaller, to always be kind and nice and arranging to others, while the general public kept seeing him as this big threatening monster !! of course he's going to take up some bad behaviors on the way of breaking free out of that. i hope he keeps having outbursts until the bad kids are forced to realize that it's not so fun anymore and to actually intervene.
#anyways i really do love cunty gorgug but i do think this is an interesting arc for him#he’s gotta realize he’s not the backpack stealing freak he was freshman year anymore#obviously he never was that person but people don’t perceive him as that person anymore#which is hard for him to get cause he has self esteem issues but realizing it will help him temper his temper (lol)#i also will say i think so far in *most* scenarios he hasn’t gone overboard yet#obviously the maryanne thing was but at the same time there’s a very good chance she and her adventuring party are like#killing lots of people and trying to make everyone rage and corrupt gods etc etc#which obviously doesn’t make it ok but in the context it makes a lot of sense why he’s so fucking mad cause i most people would be i think#and the bad kids did immediately tell him to stop love that for them#outside of maryanne i feel like the only others i can think of was oinking at the cop and calling bobby dawn a ‘regular freak’#i might be missing some but oinking at the cop is totally justified in my book and bobby dawn is awful#though i don’t love the word freak in general and they use it a ton in the show#anyways gorgug my beloved ur so me and also nothing like me at all i just wanna put you in a rage room so you can smash things#and then have a conversation about how emotions are valid and good but actions are different from emotions#fantasy high#fhjy spoilers#fantasy high junior year#dimension 20#gorgug thistlespring#the bad kids#fhjy
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I worked retail for a long time and people really do treat you like shit sometimes. But between selling sex toys, mattresses, and jewelry I can say definitively I got treated worst selling mattresses.
All three of my jobs were in sales but selling sex toys we were allowed to put people in their place, and in jewelry people didn’t want to misbehave in a fancy setting. But people at the mattress store had no problem yelling at me, hitting on me, or insulting me to my face.
For a while I was managing my own store for the company. I ran a small location and had struggling employees placed with me for rehabilitation. If their numbers improved they could go back to bigger stores. If not, they got fired.
So this meant I was the manager of problem employees. At one point both of my people had a foot out the door. The company was going downhill and changed computer systems and they were fed up. Consequently, they made a ton of mistakes, because they just didn’t care about the job or learning the new systems.
I strolled into work on what was essentially my Monday to a shit show. Deliveries scheduled without product, wrong things on orders, poor expectations of the process, you name it. I spent the entire morning getting yelled at for mistakes that weren’t mine.
The final straw came when a man called furious that his moms bed for her nursing home had a delivery window he couldn’t accommodate. This wasn’t a huge disaster since we still had time to deliver it before she moved. I ran him through the options and he just kept screaming at me. Not for a solution but because I was there and he was frustrated.
My heart filled with malice and a cold fury. A calculating part of my brain had a realization in that moment that I could stay a punching bag or I could strike back.
I quavered my voice delicately, taking in a shaky, warbling breath like I was trying not to cry. “Sir,” I quivered through fake tears, “I don’t know what you want from me! I told you what I can do, I didn’t make this mistake I’m just trying to fix it!” My voice broke pitifully on the last syllables, sounding in all ways like a sweet innocent person being yelled at who’s just trying her best, really!
It was like I’d doused him with cold water. My emotional act was the realization that he was screaming at someone who was just doing their damn job, and he was being an asshole. He hastily made an excuse and hung up.
I had a third employee covering with me from another store that day who heard everything. When I hung up, I looked over to see them watching me with an awed expression. “Did… did you just pretend to cry?”
“I absolutely fucking did,” I said with feeling, “and I’d do it a thousand more times. If that’s what it takes for someone to realize they’re behaving like a fucking prick, they deserve it.” The employee looked at me like I was their hero.
The man called back, apologizing profusely, having magically arranged his schedule to accommodate delivery. He came in later that week with an apology Starbucks gift card. I was gracious in my acceptance.
I pulled it a few more times before leaving the company. I felt no shame in the ruse. If someone behaves so poorly that it’s plausible their behavior would drive someone to tears they deserve to feel absolutely wretched about it.
#ramblies#ffs foibles#story#retail#retail hell#I have had people over the years had qualms with the ruse#one person even told me it was so unprofessional#that I’d pretend to be in more distress was not nice of me. but getting yelled at is not nice and I’m in a position where I can’t yell back#and who would they complain to that I cried? would they go to corporate and say how unprofessional the lady cried when I screamed at her!
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Better kind of best friend (part 2)
Pairing : Reader x Alexandra Saint Mleux x Charles Leclerc | Poly & bisexual fem!reader
Warnings : slight emotional cheating, obsessive/possessive/manipulative behavior, suggestive content/smut, fluff then angst then dark fluff, inaccurate racing calendar and school programs, polyamory, use of y/n, slight dacryphilia
Synopsis : When you left the UK for a year long art restoration program in Monaco, you mainly wanted to make some friends. What you didn't expect was to find your best friend on the first day. And then fall in love with her. And then get tangled in the web of Monaco high society as her boyfriend came back to town, unaware of your little affairs. What the fuck happened to you, you just wanted to make some friends...
Moth's prophecy💡 : Hi cryptids ! Thank you for being so supportive, here is the awaited part two with the arrival of Charles ! You can find part one here if you haven’t read it yet. For the sake of it being easier to read for everyone, the dialogues between Alex and Charles are written in English, even though they would speak French between them. We got some angst, we got some very light suggestive content, we got some manic episodes, and that should leave us with the tasty fucked up shit for the last (two lasts ?) chapters. Enjoy !
“Y/N… I’m sorry I…. I have a boyfriend…”
In a fraction of second, the room felt very cold. You suddenly took into account the breeze from the open window, and the uncomfortable scratch of the hair curlers against your scalp, itching to get off. The taste of red wine on your tongue started to feel like a thick paste, making it hard to breathe, and as you got up and away from Alexandra, your head spun, as if you had been hit by a ton of bricks. You needed some air.
“Wait !” Alexandra tried to hold your hand, bring you back down to the ground, but her fingers felt like fire against your skin, and not the enjoyable type. You tried to get away, so she rose up, closing the gap to you. “Please, listen to me… I’m sorry, I know I should have told you earlier…”
You could barely make out her voice with the sounds of the street below her apartment. And why was she looking at you like that, like a deer caught in headlights, like… Like she pitied you ? You felt sick.
“Yeah… Yeah, you should have.” You probably should have felt embarrassed yourself. Shameful you even tried something. But you quickly realized the sickness you felt was not due to shame or sadness, but anger. Two full months had passed, and not more than a day or two had gone by where you hadn’t been together. “Not once, in two months, did you think of mentioning it ?”
You heard yourself as if someone else was speaking. Thoughts swirling in your mind, replaying each of her words and action. Had you missed a hint somewhere ? Were you in the wrong here ? You could replay the movie a hundred times and still, you were sure you would find no flaw. All the nights she had fell asleep in your arms, all the kisses she had peppered your skin with, all the touches and the petnames, now you could see clearly how inappropriate they would have been for anyone with a boyfriend.
“I know, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.” Her breathing got heavier and tears started coming to her eyes, yet you had never felt so little pity towards someone. “I didn’t want it to change what we have, and it all got so confusing so quickly for me, I…”
“Because it wasn’t confusing for me ?” You raised your voice at her. You probably should not have, but she had just half-admitted to knowing her behavior had crossed some boundaries. “Please tell me you are in an open relationship. Please Alex… tell me you haven’t just lied to me.” You were pleading, begging. Don’t they say bargaining is one of the five stages of grief ? But her silence and shameful eyes gave you every answer you needed.
“I didn’t lie I… I just didn’t talk about it…”
“It’s the same fucking thing !” Definitely pushing her arms away from you, you started to gather your things from the floor of her living room. Thankfully, you hadn’t changed into your pajamas yet, you thought, or the scene would have been even more embarrassing.
“I didn’t know what to do !” Tears now rolling down her pink cheeks, she was following you around, words tumbling down in a rush to get her point across. “It all happened so quickly and he’s not home and you… You’ve been everything to me, please trust me ! Y/N, please stop !” She tugged at your arm once more, and cupped your face between her hands. Still crying, she planted a soft kiss on your lips, trembling, but this time, you were the one who pulled away. “I’ve never felt this way for a girl before… I’ve never had feeling like this for another woman, or anyone truly and-“
“Oh no.” You immediately cut her off and took two steps back. “No, this is not happening.” Throwing your things in your bag in a hurry, you couldn’t even look at her anymore or else you were sure you would end up either giving in or spitting to her face. “I am not about to be your little uni experiment, your fucking distraction before you go back to the safety of a man’s arms.”
Putting your bag on your shoulder and throwing her curlers to the floor, you gave her one last look, filled with all the anger and disappointment you could muster. So that was it, then ? Fuck it, even crying she was pretty. She had fallen back down to her knees and for a second, you saw yourself laying above her, kissing her wet cheeks, brushing her hair. Maybe you could have her for a night, a few days, a parenthesis of happiness until the man returned. It could not last, but it could exist. Scraping the last bits of this relationship like the bottom of a candle, and you would keep the remnants of it in a secret part of your brain until the year ended. But you knew the pain would be too much. And it wasn’t why you came here in the first place.
“I know what I’m worth, Alex. And I’m worth more than that.”
“Ah cazzo per l’amor del cielo Y/N !” You hid yourself deeper under the cover of your bed as Chiara barged in your room. “Get out !” She pulled on the blanket, as you sighed and whined, too tired to fight. The ginger girl crouched next to you, eyes pleading. “Please make her leave, she’s been knocking on the door since we kicked her out and we can’t close, Marco forgot his keys.” She took one of your hand in hers to help you sit on the edge. “If you don’t, I honestly can’t promise she won’t come in during the night and I actually want to sleep for once. So please. Go.”
You nodded bashfully as she left the room, visibly annoyed. For two weeks now, all eight other students had had to deal with the awkward mood your friendship breakup had installed in the workshop. And that implied, unfortunately for your roommates, Alex coming in at unholy hours, begging to be heard. It was honestly a miracle no one had told you two to fuck off until now.
You pushed the curtains back as quietly as possible, peeking through the window at the entrance of the house. And indeed, there she was, banging on the door. You rolled your eyes and got up to put a coat over your pajamas. In your closet, not-so-well hidden, the scarf she had left you not long before it all went to shit… Your fingers brushed slightly over it, but you left it in place, and headed down the stairs. In the smallest living room, sipping tea and glancing at you, were your two German roommates. You mouthed a “sorry” at them, and opened the door, immediately pushing Alex away from it.
“Stop it before they call the cops on you.” You crossed your arms and took a good look at her. Fiddling with the worn-out sleeves of a sweater your recognized as yours, she looked exhausted. Dark circles under her eyes, hair a mess, she was far from the walking ray of sunshine you had known. You sighed, and started walking towards the parking lot a bit further down the main path, where you knew she had probably parked. “Come. We’ve bothered them enough.”
She followed without making a sound, her head down. You recognized her car, and sat on the small low wall facing it. She tried to sit next to you, but when she felt you move away, decided to stay up. You looked at each other for a while, your silence only interrupted by a few night birds’ chirps and the waves down in the bay.
Two weeks had passed since what you called in your head “the accident”. And if you had trouble living with the aftermath, Alexandra was taking it even worse than you. In order to protect yourself and allow to maybe, one day, recover something good from it, you decided to keep your interactions strictly confined to the subject of the workshop. Considering your two roles had very little to share at this point of the project, it meant that you were pretty much free to ignore her without being too much of a bitch. And lord knew it would have been too hard to stay mad at her with extended contact. Even right now, as she raised her doe eyes at you, you could feel your confidence faltering.
When you were alone in your bed at night, cuddling the plushie she had won you at the funfair, that was when you questioned if you were doing the right thing. After all, she had not promised you anything. You had lived in fantasies, daydreams of a romance carefully crafted by your need for love. Maybe she was like that with all of her friends. Maybe you could go back to being friends.
But no. She had confessed to knowing. To lying. To having feelings too. There was no coming back from this. Only growth and lessons. And right now, this meant for you some space.
“Well, are you going to talk ?” She opened her mouth, then seemed to reconsider, and you groaned. “It’s already 10 and I’m freezing cold, if you got nothing to say I’m leaving.” You started to get up but she put her hands up.
“Wait ! Okay wait sorry, please stay…” You sat back down, closing your coat tighter. “Thank you. I… Okay hm. Putain. Bon.” She took an inspiration, and you knew this meant she was going to talk non stop until her mouth ran dry. “I’m sorry about everything that happened, from our meeting to tonight. I fucked up. I omitted things and I lied and I did everything I could to stay in your good graces because I grew so fond of you so quickly I didn’t know how to deal with it. I really thought we could be best friends and you know I’ve never been really good with girl friendships I told you about it and I admit I may have crossed the line a bit, once or twice but-“ You could not help but scoff. “What ?”
“Sorry, please do go on”
“No, what, tell me ?” She raised her hand to you, and you did not take it.
“Once or twice ? A bit ?” Her lips started trembling and you stopped her before she could start talking again. “Alex. Friends don’t do any of the shit we did. Friends probably don’t sleep almost naked together and cuddling ! God damn it, you hand-fed me pastries in my bed, and you think that’s a little over the line ?” You heard yourself screaming and tried to take a deep breath, but the freezing air only made your lungs hurt even more.
“I’m sorry ! I wish I could tell you I didn’t know but…” She was shaking, from stress or the cold, you did not know. Finally she raised her eyes, and you felt like she was going to be honest, with herself and you, for the first time in weeks. “But the truth is I knew. I knew there could be something more and I wanted it too. I… I think I still want it. But there’s-“
“There’s your boyfriend. Honestly Alex, with all due respect, fuck off. How can you tell me that straight in the eye ? I’m not some homewrecker, and to be completely honest with you” You got up and took a step forward, pushing your index finger against her shoulder. “Even if you guys broke up I wouldn’t want anything with you.” Wow. Nice lie. But at least it seemed to hurt her in all the right places. “You should have experimented back when you were single like everyone else. You played with my feelings, knowing them and knowing we had no chance at anything serious. I did not have a say in this !” At this point you were very thankful you were the only house around, because you were fully screaming. “All I wanted was to make some fucking friends Alex ! And no friend in their right mind would have done what you did to me. So please, if you have nothing more than empty apologies and more pain to offer… please leave.”
“I really like you.” She breathed out the words in a whisper, and it broke the last loose screw of your sanity.
“And I love you !” There. Out it was, your great love confession, blown away by the wind of the sea, destined to forever belong only to the cries of the seagulls. In the end, it wasn’t so hard to say. “But sometimes it’s not enough. Love isn’t enough.” Turning your back to her, you thought this was truly the end. Nothing was salvageable from that night. “Goodnight Alexandra.”
You almost ran back up the parking lot to the gate of the house, through the living room now empty, and up the stairs. You were about to enter your room, but went to the one to your left, Chiara’s. Her window was opened and she was sitting on the edge of it, smoking a joint. Of course, she had heard everything.
“Trouble in paradise ?”
“Fuck off.” You went next to her, taking the joint from her hands. From her seat, she had had a direct view of the whole scene, sound and light.
You took a drag, almost immediately coughing. The weed was disgusting, not half as good as the one you were used to, and Chiara gave you a look of approval, a kind of “it’s the only thing I could find”. Without knowing how or why, you broke down in tears.
When Charles finally hung up from his phone call with his manager, he raised his eyes to see that the taxi had already entered Monaco. The morning light was piercing through the clouds, shining on the wet pavement as to signal the end of the week-long downpour.
Finally home, he thought. He could not wait to be back at his apartment, and enjoy the rare two and a half weeks break before the last races of the year. The flight had been so long, his whole body was still sore from yesterday’s race, and still he was excited for the day to come. He would come home, and have Alexandra greeting him as usual, full of anecdotes and gossips to share. He would give her the gifts he had prepared, and then they would order from the Chinese restaurant they loved. Eat together, chill a bit, probably have sex. Then tomorrow they would go to his mom’s, take the opportunity to get a haircut, and maybe see some friends. He grinned at the perspective of a few days unplanned, going with the flow. Those were so rare nowadays.
The excitement made him tip the driver even more than usual, and he went up the stairs running, his bags almost scattering on the floor multiple times. But as he opened the door, still smiling, his excitement quickly faded. The apartment was completely empty, as if no one had been in it in weeks. He entered carefully, calling for Alexandra, but no answer. Every room still smelled of cleaning products, proof that except for the cleaning lady last Wednesday, it had been desert of any life.
Charles, starting to worry, tried calling his girlfriend multiple times, to no avail. So he threw all of his bags in the bedroom, changed his sweater, took his car keys and double of hers and decided to go check her own apartment. She was never in it, but maybe something had happened ? Thankfully, word hadn’t yet gone out that he was back, which means he was able to get his car out and through Monaco’s streets without any trouble.
The sight when he opened her door was even worse than at his own place. The usually immaculate apartment was in a mess, clothes everywhere on the floor, dishes piling up in the sink, and a good amount of paper bags from food orders scattered across the kitchen. In all of this, a few sobs could be heard.
“Alex ? Mon amour, where are you ?” Charles called out, voice cracking with concern as he navigated the mess in the apartment, searching for any sign of his girlfriend.
Finally, he found her curled up on the couch, hidden under a blanket, desperately sobbing and shaking as she held close a huge plushie he did not recognize. Charles rushed to her side, dropping to his knees next to the couch and wrapping his arms around her. She immediately pulled him in closer, drenching his sweater in tears.
“Hey, hey breathe love… what’s wrong, tell me what’s going on ?” He murmured and tried to hold her face to his, but she would always push back against his neck.
He finally managed to cup her cheeks and started to kiss her face, repeating again and again that she had to breathe. He honestly did not know what to do, he had never seen her so vulnerable, so… broken ? His heart shattered at the mere thought of what could have brought her to this point.
“I- I fucked up Charles…” Alexandra chocked out, her voice breaking in uncontrollable sobs. If she had managed to talk, she would now not let go of his arms, and Charles winced as she buried her nails in them.
“Baby tell me what happened, it can’t be that bad, it’s okay we’ll manage…”
Suddenly Alex’s eyes stayed fixated on Charles’, and her tears calmed down, along with her erratic breathing. She seemed to realize something, and started apologizing profusely. When she managed to talk again, Charles was completely lost as to what had happened.
“I’m sorry… it’s nothing, it’s just… It’s Y/N” Charles nodded. He was actually pretty excited to come back also for you, the mysterious new friend of Alex which she wouldn’t stop teasing him about. She supposedly wanted him to meet you, and Charles had been witness to so many attempts from Alex at making girl friends, he was glad she had finally managed. You seemed like a good person, from what he heard. “We… we got into an argument. We’re not friends anymore. It was my fault and it’s over.”
Charles’ brows furrowed as he helped Alex get out of the blanket. That was it ? Sure, you had seemed like an good friend to Alex, but she had lost a few friends along the way growing up, and none had ever provoked such an extreme reaction. He glanced around the room again, at the state of the whole apartment. But when his eyes landed back on Alexandra, he could feel the plea on her face to not dig much more.
Of course there was more to it. But what kind of friend’s argument would lead to someone completely breaking down like that ?
As Charles held his girlfriend to his chest, rubbing her back and slowly calming her down, he glanced at her phone, and decided he would probably get more directly from you.
Well shit, it was fancy. As you entered the restaurant in the most luxurious part of Monaco, you started to really regret your choice of clothing. Even the lady in charge of welcoming clients eyed you up and down before raising a brow, clearly not impressed.
“I have a reservation ? Well someone invited me, his name’s Charles ?” You could feel yourself blushing as she gauged you.
She then gestured for you to wait to the side as she left towards the back of the restaurant. When she came back, it was to tell you to follow her.
Hidden behind the bar, far from any windows, were a few booths, carefully covered with flower arrangements and ivy leaves curtains. In the one you followed the lady to, a man was sitting, probably around your age, with light brown hair and piercing green eyes. Some curls were falling down on his forehead, and when he raised his head and smiled at you, dimples immediately appeared. Of course he was cute. Of course she had to have a gorgeous boyfriend too.
“Y/N ! Am I pronouncing it right ?” He stood up and thanked the lady, then gestured you to sit in front of him. You nodded and sat back down with him. “So nice to finally meet you ! I’ve heard so much.”
You couldn’t say the same, unfortunately, and the chuckle that left your mouth couldn’t have been repressed even if you tried.
You thanked him, and as he gave you time to scan the menu, you could not prevent yourself from stealing glances. He was dressed pretty casually too, which made you feel better about your own outfit, but you got the same feeling from him as you did from Alexandra when you first met her. There was something rich about the man, luxurious, in the way he presented himself, smiled and talked. And god, the more you looked at him, the more you could tell why she had fallen in love with him. This was the kind of guy you only ever saw in magazines, too pretty to be true. You felt yourself getting dizzy, and put your attention back on the menu. You were probably tired and in need of caffeine, why else would you feel so weak ?
Yet you had no idea he was doing the exact same thing, going over every little detail of your face and posture in his head. He had heard from you, sure, but not as much as he told, and most importantly, he had never seen you, even in pictures. Nothing could have prepared him, honestly. There was something about you, he wasn’t sure if it was physically or in the way you held yourself, that made his heart flutter. Suddenly he felt a bit shy, and completely unable to stop peeking at you. But he quickly reminded himself of why he was here, and chased his thoughts as far away as possible.
“Thank you for coming, first of all.” You gave him a polite smile and thanked the waiter for your coffee. “I’ll be honest with you, especially on the matter of why Alex isn’t here.” There it was. You shifted in your seat, a bit uncomfortable. The closest exit was in sight, thankfully, in case he made a scene or started to threaten you. You had no idea what he knew, and it scared you a bit. “I… I came home two days ago. And Alex was…” He sour laughed, and started playing with his spoon. “A mess. I think it’s the best way to say it. I tried to make her talk but… only thing she gave away is that you two had an argument ? And that it was her fault. But I’ve never seen her like that before. I… I would like, if you don’t mind, I’d like to know what happened.”
Oh shit. So she hadn’t told him anything. Well of course, lie by omission seemed to be her thing. Were you really about to be the one to break the news to her boyfriend, who by the way seemed like a sweetheart, that her girlfriend had almost cheated ?
He gave you an encouraging smile, and you gripped your cup tighter. Why did they have to look so much alike. Everything about him was warm, kind, you could not hurt him even if you tried. What would it bring you, to do that ? Break them up ? And then what ? She was too out of it to do anything good with herself on her own. He seemed like a good person. And you were not a home wrecker. Sure, you didn’t work out. But maybe they could. You were the problem, she hadn’t fully cheated, she still had a chance at fixing up her couple. Who would you be to deny her.
“I don’t have much more to say honestly. We had a disagreement, one of which you can’t work through sometimes. It’s okay.” You gave a forced smile, and Charles was confident in that instant that there was more to it. This kind of painful conclusion, he knew them too well.
“Are you sure ? You seem upset.” You crossed your arms and he felt like he had maybe pushed too far.
“Yes. It’s been tough but I’ll get through it, and Alex will too. Maybe we’ll work it out, maybe we won’t, that’s our problem I’m afraid. Sorry you had to deal with the aftermath.”
You saw in his pinched lips, in the way his eyes scanned you, that he wanted to press further. But you wouldn’t be the truth bearer. You had done enough. Alex’s commitment to honesty would be his only way of finding out. And it seemed he realized it, because he nodded, and thanked you.
You thought you were done, but he shifted the conversation to lighter topics, your life in Monaco, how the workshop was going. He seemed really interested, and you realized you hadn’t made as much friends as you wished because of your closeness with Alex. So you gave in to the attention. And you realized you craved it, especially when it came from people who seemed a life away from you.
“What about you ? Out of state often, I understood ?”
“Why don’t you take a guess ?” He rested his face on his closed knuckles, and you closed the gap to him, faking analyzing his face. This made him chuckle, and his laugh tugged at your heart in ways you weren’t sure you liked.
“You don’t look like a business man.” He faked an offended face, then winked. Were all monegasques raised to be teases ? “Out often and comfortable with money ? We’re in a private booth where the staff seems to know you… I’d say an athlete maybe ?”
“Bingo !” He made his spoon ring on the rim of your cup, and sat back against his chair. There was a coolness in the way he moved and talked, something mesmerizing.
You thought he was collected. Truth is, thoughts raced through his brain at light speed and the more you talked, the less he listened. If there was something they had always agreed on was with Alexandra, it was that being in a relationship did not mean you found everyone but your partner disgusting suddenly. They were honest about their admiration for other’s looks and personalities, both convinced it was part of the human experience. And so he tried to persuade himself that this meeting was just that, another girl he just found pretty. And interesting. With a smooth voice. And nice fingers. Whose hair would probably look gorgeous laid out on his pillows. And fuck, he thought. That was not good. Not good at all.
Before he would start blushing again, mind filled with unholy pictures, he decided it was time to leave. You were a bit surprised at the abruptness of it, but agreed, you had things to do too. As you stood up, he looked a bit embarrassed.
“I know it might sound weird but… would you mind waiting a minute before leaving ? Giving me a head start.” He rubbed the back of his neck nervously and laughed. “Everything’s already paid for I’m not trying to scam you ! Just… I think it’s better for you if we don’t leave together.”
You furrowed your brows, not really understanding the request, but sat back down. You were too tired to fight about that.
“Thanks, you’re a dear. You have my number, let’s stay in touch !” And just like that, he was gone.
When you left the booth two minutes later, as requested, you heard a commotion right outside the restaurant. You quickly walked through the crowd gathering on the side of the terrace and started leaving when something caught your attention. A kid, screaming a name you had heard not so long ago.
You walked a bit further down the square and looked back to see Charles in the middle of the crowd, being photographed by paparazzis and families, signing autographs and struggling to get out. When he finally did manage, he entered a slick black car which looked like a million pounds, and left without even glancing back at the crowd.
“Charles… Monaco… Athlete…”You entered the words in Google, and found him immediately. A Formula 1 Driver. A fan favorite, it seemed. “Alex you bitch you could have warned me that he’s famous…”
Still, his request had got you out of a very sticky situation, and you were grateful you would not find yourself in newspapers tomorrow. So you switched to your text messages, and sent to Charles a thanks for the heads up.
Unknowingly to you, he sat in his parking lot for ten minutes before going back to his apartment, staring at his screen and blushing like a teenager.
Charles was tired. It had been more a week since his return, and Alexandra gave no signs of improvement, despite his tries. She would keep up the appearances in public, but made no effort at home, and avoided all friends or family gatherings he attended. And still, she would refuse to talk.
After he came back from having a drink with you, another one he did not tell Alexandra about, another one he had to sit out the excitement of in his car, another one that convinced him that you could be essential to making her feel better, because you made him feel good, he decided it was enough.
Alex was sitting on the couch, her plushie always glued to her, watching the cars go by. At least she had accepted to come back to his apartment. He brought her tea and took the plushie away from her, not without getting a whine in return.
“Alex, we need to talk.” She gave him her usual sad puppy eyes, but this time, Charles was decided to not let her manipulate him. “It’s gonna be okay, I’ll be here no matter what. But you have to tell me what happened. It can’t go on like that.” Finally she sighed and sat straighter on the couch, trading her sad eyes for the stone cold face she wore when he wasn’t around.
“Yeah you’re right.” She let out a shaky breath, betraying her anxiousness, then took Charles’ hands in hers. Finally, they would maybe be able to move on. Finally he might get back his lover. “I… I lied to you. About Y/N.” Obviously, thought Charles, and though he did not want to admit it, he had a small idea of why. She planted her eyes in his, and holding his hand tighter, finally said the truth out loud. “I never told Y/N about you. I never even told her I had a boyfriend. I should have been honest from the beginning, but it got confusing very quickly, and I didn’t want to ruin… I’d say our friendship but I know it was more than that.”
He knew it. It pained him to admit it, but he had had a feeling, and his instinct rarely lied. Now the only thing left was to find out how much had happened. Unable to speak up, he nodded to encourage her to keep going.
“I was scared of losing her and losing you. I told you about her because I thought if you two met, it would just be me and my two favorites people and everything would be great. I didn’t think further than that. But… but I knew she had feelings and I liked it, I liked having someone so… devoted to me.” That didn’t surprise him. Alex had always had a praise kink, worshipping her might be the fastest way to her heart. “And I guess I ended up falling for her too.”
As Alexandra’s voice became shakier, he knew he was touching the main subject. It was already a lot, he needed to process, but he needed the full picture for it.
“Mon coeur, I need you to be completely honest. Did something happen between you two ?” He saw her hesitating for a moment, before nodding, her gaze fixed on their hands still holding.
“Yes.” She admitted, her voice barely above a whisper. “We kissed… I pulled away but I didn’t want to.”
Charles finally pulled his hands away from hers and got up. He felt hurt. Betrayed. Used. He had been kept in the dark both by his own girlfriend and you, truly the butt of the joke. Yet he felt empty of any anger. He looked at the little decorations in the living room. They would be so easy to smash. Probably satisfying. Yet when he brushed his fingers against it, he only managed to push them back in their exact place, all perfectly symmetrical. Strangely, it brought him more comfort than punching something.
“Are you not going to say anything ?” Her voice was still shaky, he could feel she tried very hard not to cry. And the only thing he wanted was for her to break down so he could hold her as close as possible and kiss her tears.
“What does this mean for us ?” He turned back to her, and she tried to hold his gaze.
“I don’t know… I’m in love with you. I know you probably want to tell me to fuck off but I need to say the truth. This has taken nothing from us, from what I feel for you. If anything, I’m finally feeling better now that you’re back. But I can’t deny that I had never thought about… about me, and another girl, like I did with her. I’ve never felt this way, it was like my heart was so full it could explode. I don’t know what I wanted from it Charlie, I… Nothing good could have happened, I fucked up, and I’ll do my best to make it up to you.” Finally, she lost it. Tears streaming down her face, she looked exhausted. “I never meant to hurt you. I never meant to hurt anyone. I can’t loose you I’ll do anything but I can’t live without you Charlie…”
Charles sat next to her and she threw herself in his arms, sobbing. He could not tell her. What would he even say ? “No worries baby, I can’t even manage to get angry at you for almost cheating because I think daily of fucking the friend you had a homoerotic codependent friendship with ?”. Or maybe “I wish I could focus on reassuring you that I’m still in love with you but telling you you’re pretty when you cry is not a compliment my mom taught me ?”. In the end, he opted for kissing the top of her head and softly stroking her back.
“Okay Alex okay… calm down… We’re gonna manage…” He gave her hand a squeeze, and drying some tears with a finger, kissed her cheek. “We’ll get through this together.”
Unfortunately for Charles, Alexandra’s moods swings came back full force, and soon enough she was back to shaking in his arms, this time from despair, hands clenched into fists on her knees.
“Why… why are you so calm about this ?” She demanded, voice trembling and brows furrowed. “I’ve just confessed to kissing someone and you act like it’s no big deal !”
Charles knew all of this, knew he should be angry, and he barely stopped himself from chuckling when he looked at the little statues he wanted to smash against the floor earlier. But he felt a strange sense of understanding and compassion which only made him calmer the more he let in his own fucked up thoughts.
“It’s not that I’m not upset, mon coeur.” Charles said softly, choosing his words carefully. “I just think maybe now’s not the right time to talk about this. You’re clearly exhausted and you’ve already been very honest with me. You need to rest. And I need to process some things.”
She agreed, her shaking slowing down once more, and he finally convinced her to have a shower and get to bed. She did so without arguing more, and Charles went on his balcony, completely worn out. When he opened his phone, he was greeted with a message that made his heart jump once more.
“Thx again for the evening, it was so fun ! Hope you got home safely, xoxo”
Looking at the light of his bedroom that just turned on, he chose not to answer. The rollercoaster had been enough for today, he needed a rest too.
Though he had struggled, Charles had managed to convince Alexandra he had no intent of breaking up with her, and even that going with him to the second to last race would do her good. The weather was still good in Qatar, she could see the girls, get spoiled and pampered. He knew it would take time to get her back, and maybe she would never be exactly the same. But he wouldn’t stop trying.
On your side, you had been forced to retreat to your bedroom with your computer as none of your roommates seemed to enjoy having the race on the living room main screen at 6 in the morning. You did not care much yourself, Charles had tried to explain some basic things to you before he left but none of it was familiar for someone like you who didn’t even have her driving licence. Still, supporting friends, right ? It felt weird to call him a friend. Just as it had felt weird for Alex. You groaned, thinking that each time, you had been the problem. Why couldn’t you be attracted to anyone else in the whole country ?
When your eyes laid back on the screen, you got reminded why. Because in his fireproof suit, sweating and winking at the camera, you had to scratch your brain with a knife to even think back of any men with as much charisma. Because his skin was soft and his hair smelt good, you knew it and you wouldn’t dare to say how. Because seeing behind him in the interview the girl you still were in love with did not diminish your attraction in the slightest. If anything, you almost threw your computer to the ground when the thought of what they looked like together kissing came to your mind.
When you came out of the bathroom, a few hours later, your phone was ringing. You answered with a smile to the man whose voice was filled with both exhaustion and excitement.
“Hey Charles ! Nice race out there !”
“Did you manage to follow everything ?”
“I did not remember shit of what you told me !” You laughed, and heard him do the same. “But you finished third ! That’s good in any sport, right ?”
“Yeah, good enough we’ll say, could have done better though.” You pictured him as he spoke, hands scratching the nape of his neck, a little smirk making his dimples appear. “Thank you for watching. I appreciate it.”
He sat on the side of his hotel bed, smiling like a child. He didn’t even know why he called you. He had plenty of people around to congratulate him. Yet it was always nice to know someone far thought of him.
“Charles…” Your voice was suddenly tinged with concern. You had seen the polite smiles and waves to the press. But you knew her, and you knew it had not gotten better. And you were done being the big girl, you needed to know. “Is Alex ok ? I’ve seen her on TV and she looks… well you know. Still not herself.”
He got back up and walked to the window, thinking of what to say. Though you had kept in touch since your first meeting, he hadn’t told you of Alex’s confession. Maybe it was time.
“Yeah… It’s been rough for her, hm… Y/N I’ve been made aware of some things and… now’s not the right time, but when we’re back in Monaco, with Alex, I think… I think we should have a talk, the three of us.”
Your heart jumped at the suggestion, guilt eating you out. So he knew. You looked at the stairs, echoes of your roommates’ laughter coming from downstairs. Yeah, you really needed some new friends, before you were about to loose another one.
“I- I’ll be there.” Charles thanked you and ended the call, promising to keep you updated. As he turned around, his own guilt trip was waiting for him in the form of Alexandra, who had just entered the room.
He braced himself for an argument. The new information of him talking to her… whatever you were for her, would surely trigger confusion, and anger. She would tell him that he was not better than her. She would probably put the blame on you. Would she try to hit him ? Mind drifting completely elsewhere, he thought it would be fun to see her try, before punching himself mentally to focus. But when she finally spoke, nothing could have prepared him.
“It’s not fair.” Her voice was breaking but she wasn’t crying, fists clenched. “It’s not fair that she’s not talking to me ! Why won’t she talk to me anymore !” She wasn’t upset because he had been talking to you. She was jealous your attention had been shifted to someone else. And as she paced around the room, Charles sat on the bed, thinking that the manic episode was about to start. “I miss her. I need her.” She came close to him and the way she held his shoulders and forced him to look her in the eye both scared and excited him. “And if my only way of getting her back is you, you best believe I’m taking my chances.”
As the day went on and Charles witnessed the evolution of his girlfriend’s almost-psychotic episode, he thought that maybe some of her ideas weren’t so bad. In the end, he wasn’t the only one who had been a little too obsessed with you recently. What if the way out of this for them, as a couple, was simply to give in ?
So he confessed to everything. Listened. Gave his opinion. Kissed every centimeter of skin he could and agreed with every idea she moaned out loud as she bounced up on him. And when she fell asleep in his arms, smiling, Charles thought that the price to pay for a ray of sunshine wasn’t so bad.
Something had changed. You couldn’t pinpoint exactly what, but you felt as if you were nothing more than an antelope being hunted in one of those wildlife documentaries you used to watch as a child.
Why had you even dressed up ? The dress wasn’t comfortable and way too light for December, your hair was tied too tight, but at least the staff didn’t look down on you this time. When Charles said you looked gorgeous, you thought it was not so bad, and sat straighter.
It was your first time seeing the two of them together somewhere else than on pictures. They were dressed to the nines, and matching perfectly, from the black velvety outfits to the silver of their jewelry. It seemed Alex had finally managed to sleep, because she looked as good as the first day, as good as the hot summer nights, as good as the time you kissed her. Charles was keeping his hand on her thigh, and everytime he squeezed her, you felt like you were about to faint.
You tried to be cautious. Ordering alcohol to calm your nerves had probably not been the best idea, because at some point you weren’t able to remember if their voice had always been this sultry or if you were already tipsy.
They had apologized, both of them. Alex in great details, and this time you let her talk. To be honest, you were tired. It had been long enough. You missed your friend. When she said out loud every thought that ran through your head, your last arguments all flew away. Had the two of you not suffered enough ? Had Charles not been a great meeting ? There was so much more she wanted to share with you, and you only managed to whisper littles “yes”. She would be better, she said. She promised. The best of best friends.
And so when she touched your hand, you did not retreat. And when the both of them asked you what you thought, all red smiles and white canines, you barely managed to breath out.
“Yes, sure… let’s try being friends again.”
Part 1 // Part 2 // Part 3
Taglist : @sam-is-lost // @mangotaitai // @ilovechickenwings // @eroselless // @zreads111 // @crimson-spine // @inejismywife // @champomiel // @seoulie101 // @charizznorizz // @exactlycoralfox // @waitwhendidwegethere // @cluelessred3
#doomedmoth#fanfic#rpf#f1 fanfic#f1 imagine#f1 x reader#f1 x y/n#formula 1 rpf#f1 x you#f1 polyamory#dark!f1#poly!f1#y/n#formula one x reader#fluff#angst#suggestive#charles leclerc x reader x alexandra saint mleux#charles leclerc#charles leclerc x reader#charles leclerc fanfic#charles leclerc x you#charles leclerc x y/n#alexandra saint mleux#alexandra saint mleux x reader#alexandra saint mleux x you#alexandra saint mleux x y/n#cl16#cl16 x y/n#cl16 x reader
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Joel Miller x f!reader
word count: 5.4k
Summary: After waking up from what felt like the best night ever, you wanted to figure out what Joel’s thoughts about what was going on, were.
Warnings: 18+ mdni, smut, Joel acting like a total jerk, language, unprotected piv, pet names, reader uses feminine pronouns, jackson era!Joel, slight fluff towards the end, arguing, angst, no use of Y/N, apologies if anything was missed.
please read A/N: guys, i tried so freaking hard to like this, but i just can’t. so, i am so sorry if you feel the same way as me. i really tried my hardest. i’m not sure if i want this to be the last part, but i can kinda feel it going towards that route, so im going to say this once, thank you so much for all the support for this mini series. i couldn’t be more grateful. thank you. and once again, i am so fucking sorry if you don’t like this. please don’t hate me. 🤗 oh, and also, ntm on the photos not matching, honestly could careless ab the damn photos.
part one part two
Joel couldn’t get a wink of sleep last night, the feeling of you being so close to him, in his arms, feeling your warm body against his, having your scent fill his nose, all of it was too much.
Every time he closed his eyes, memories of your shared night and the warmth of your touch would flood his mind, making his heart race. The moonlight filtering through the curtains enveloped a soft glow on your face, making you look even more serene and beautiful, which only added to his restless thoughts.
He laid there for a couple more hours, listening to your breathing, the way you’d mutter in your sleep, the little sounds that would escape you. Each breath you took seemed to synchronize with his heartbeat, creating a rhythm that was both comforting and unsettling. But he knew he had to leave. He knew he couldn’t stay because what was this?
What were you two?
The uncertainty gnawed at him, and the fear of crossing a line that could change everything between you both was overwhelming.
So, he eventually slid out of your bed, picking up his clothes and getting dressed. He moved quietly, trying not to wake you, stealing one last glance at your peaceful face before slipping out the door.
As he walked away, the cool night air hit him, a slight contrast to the warmth he had just left behind. His mind was a whirlwind of emotions, but he knew he needed to figure out what this meant for both of you.
—
You blinked your eyes open, the sun shining through the crack of your curtains into your room. The sheets of your bed hugged your body perfectly, stretching your arms out with a yawn.
You expected to feel a big and warm body, but you didn’t.
You just felt the ruffled-up blanket. The familiar warmth and comfort were missing, replaced by a cold emptiness that made you shiver slightly.
You turned your body, nothing. No one. He left. You glanced at the alarm clock on your bedside table, the bright red numbers glaring at you.
With it being the ass crack of dawn, you’d be expecting him to be waking up now.
Did he leave last night? You asked him to stay.
The realization hit you like a ton of bricks, and a wave of disappointment washed over you. You replayed the moments of the previous night in your head, trying to understand why he would leave without a word.
You sat up, confusion taking over your features. For some odd reason, your heart felt heavy. You wanted him to be there when you woke up. You needed him too because now that he wasn’t, was it even real?
The questions swirled in your mind, each one adding to the ache in your chest. The silence of the room seemed to echo the emptiness you felt inside.
You stood up, not bothering to put on the old bra and shirt from last night, turning the shower on as you pulled your panties off, hopping in. The warm water cascaded over you, but it did little to wash away the sense of loss and confusion. You hoped the shower would clear your mind, letting the water run down your face.
But it didn’t.
The shower didn’t work. You couldn’t get the situation off your mind. You couldn’t get him off your mind. It couldn’t have been real, but the faint memory of him running his rough fingers down your skin, the way he felt inside of you, stayed in your mind. The sensation was so vivid, it was almost as if you could still feel his touch, haunting you with every passing second.
You needed to see him. To talk to him. You prayed he wasn't anywhere but his house. The first place you could expect him to be was his house. So, you found yourself there. The walk to his place felt like an eternity, each step heavy with anticipation. Your heart pounded in your chest as you approached his door.
Softly banging on the door, no answer. Peeking through the window, no sight.
“Fucking Joel.” You whisper breathily. How fucking surprising was that. Joel Miller finally left his house.
For a second there your heart dropped, praying that he didn’t get patrol duty.
Goddamn it. I mean you could wait, but you didn’t want to.
You didn’t want to go back home, so you didn’t, knuckles bruising as you hit them against the door. The pain shot through your hand, but it was nothing compared to the turmoil inside you. Still no fucking answer. You stepped back and glanced up at the house, looking for a way to get in.
No way in from the front, window was shut tightly, curtains drawn as if to shut out the world.
So, like any sane person who was looking for a — friend, you walked towards the back to maybe get in from the patio door. But that’s when you heard it.
Sweet music, fingers strumming away at the strings from what sounds like a guitar, and sweet, and quiet humming. The melody was hauntingly beautiful, calming to the chaos in your mind.
You poked your head around the corner, Joel sitting in a plastic, white chair, guitar in hands. He nodded his head softly as he felt the music, eyes closed, and body relaxed with a cup of coffee on the small table next to him.
The steam from the coffee rose in gentle spirals, mingling with the early morning mist.
His foot tapped lightly in rhythm with the music, completely unaware of your presence.
You felt stupid. You almost broke into his fucking house all because he was unable to hear the damn knocking.
You slowly stepped onto the wood, your sneakers making a loud noise that made Joel stop playing. The sound echoed in the stillness, shattering the tranquility.
He looked you up and down, setting his guitar down with no words spoken. The silence between you hung heavy, like a thick fog that neither of you could see through.
Joel's eyes, usually so full of warmth, seemed distant as they locked onto yours. The early morning sun cast long shadows, and the gentle breeze carried the scent of dew and freshly cut grass. You could hear the faint rustling of leaves in the background, the weight of unspoken words pressed down on you, making it hard to breathe.
You let out a quiet ‘hey’, smile slightly upside down as you leaned on the railing of the patio. Your eyes were basically inviting him over, so he obliged, grabbing his coffee, and standing beside you, a gap in between.
It was pretty much awkward. It was clear he didn’t forget about the activities from last night.
“I’ve been knocking.” Your voice breaking the silence, looking at him, but he avoided your gaze.
“I’ve been here all mornin’, didn’t hear it.”
"Something on your mind?" You knew exactly what was on his mind, but you thought, if you pushed it, maybe this moment wouldn’t be so goddamn awkward.
Each second of silence stretching longer than the last.
"Nothin’ on my mind," he replied, lifting the cup up to his lips, taking a light sip.
The steam from his coffee curled up into the air, mingling with the tension that seemed almost palpable between you. His eyes, though momentarily hidden behind the rim of the cup, betrayed his true thoughts.
His eyes, dark and guarded, flickered over to you. There was a heaviness in his gaze, a storm of unsaid words and pent-up emotions swirling just beneath the surface.
His expression unreadable, before letting out a quiet, almost resigned sigh. The sound was barely audible, yet it echoed in the stillness, amplifying the tension that crackled in the air like static electricity.
He wanted you to say something. He wanted you to just be honest and tell him exactly how you felt about last night, why you were there, if you even remotely felt what he did.
Instead, you were both standing there, avoiding each other’s gazes like idiots.
Your heart raced; each beat a reminder of the words you were too afraid to speak. His sigh lingered in the air, a silent plea for you to break the cycle, to reach out and bridge the gap that seemed to widen with every passing moment.
"You gonna invite me in, or are you just gonna stand there?" You point lazily at the door.
Joel huffed a laugh, tilting his head slightly as he finally looked at you. “You’re being pushy today, ain’t ya?”
He was being a smartass, and he knew it, but it was his way of deflecting whatever the hell happened last night, and the way you were acting this morning.
The gesture is casual, almost dismissive, but your heart is going crazy. The morning sun filters through the trees, putting a warm glow on the porch where you both stand. His eyes flicker to the door and then back to you, a moment of hesitation that feels like an eternity.
His eyes sparkled with a mix of amusement and challenge, the corners of his mouth quirking up in a smirk that was all too familiar. The morning light radiating a golden halo around his figure, highlighting the lines of tension in his posture that belied his casual tone.
His eyes never left yours, a silent dare for you to cross the threshold and face whatever lay beyond.
As you stood there, you knew that stepping through that door meant more than just entering his home—it meant confronting the emotions and the history that had brought you to this moment.
He shifts his weight, the creak of the wooden floorboards echoing in the quiet day.
He finally turned away from the railing, his movements deliberate and measured, as if each step was a calculated effort to maintain his composure.
He held the door open for you with his empty hand, the gesture both an invitation and a challenge.
You looked around at the nicely decorated house as you stepped into the kitchen, Joel close behind you.
The place was immaculate, with tasteful decor that felt both homey and sophisticated. You leaned against the marble island, the cool surface grounding you as you watched his every move. He stood in front of you, his presence filling the room in a way that made it hard to breathe.
“Why didn’t you stay?” you asked, your voice cutting through the silence like a knife.
You wanted to know so badly that you basically said, ‘fuck the small talk, tell me why.’ You were so straightforward, the words spilling out before you could second-guess them.
Joel’s face remained impassive, his expression a mask of cold-stone indifference. His arms were crossed over his chest, a defensive posture that only added to the distance between you. His eyes, usually so expressive, were unreadable, and for a moment, you wondered if you’d ever get through to him. The tension in the room was evident, a silent battle of wills as you waited for him to break the silence.
He took a moment as he leaned on the counter, taking in your words. He wasn’t really sure how he was supposed to answer.
A part of him, a huge part of him, did want to stay. He wanted to hold your warm body, bask in your sleepy scent, and hear your soft breath hit his neck. But he knew he couldn’t.
He didn’t know what last night was. Why you let him come to you, why you let him touch you the way he wanted to for so long.
"Well?" You push, head tilting, your gaze unwavering.
The intensity in your eyes matched the urgency in your voice, demanding a response from him.
"I don’t know. Okay? I don’t know." He finally let out, throwing his hands up, frustration settling on his face.
The rawness in his voice cut through the air, his eyes burning with a mix of confusion and helplessness.
You threw your head back at his answer, arms falling to your side as you turned around, elbows on the counter, holding your head up as you groaned. The cool surface of the counter did little to soothe the storm inside you. You felt the frustration bubbling over, the unanswered questions and the emotional tumult taking their toll.
He was frustrated for a number of reasons. Mainly because he had no idea how to act in front of you now. The lines between you had blurred, and he was grappling with the new reality, unsure of where he stood. But most of all, because you wanted an explanation for something he didn’t even understand himself.
"What is this?" He questioned, looking up at you, his arms crossed against his chest. His voice was edged with exasperation.
"You just come over here to get on my ass?" His words hung in the air, a challenge and a plea wrapped into one, as he tried to make sense of the chaotic emotions twirling around both of you.
You leaned up instantly, your body closer to his. The heat of his breath mingled with yours, creating an almost suffocating intimacy. Your eyes locked onto his, searching for a glimmer of understanding, something to bridge the chasm between you.
"No, I came here so I could understand you. But that’s never happening, is it?" Your voice was low, but the intensity of your words cut through the silence like a knife.
You could feel the tension radiating off him, the anger and disbelief that mirrored your own. The proximity made it impossible to ignore the raw emotions.
“Not when you’re acting like this.” He muttered, his voice strained, barely above a whisper.
The words were a thin veil over the tumultuous emotions roiling just beneath the surface, a desperate attempt to regain some semblance of control in a situation that felt increasingly out of hand.
Your bodies touched as you leaned closer, he was basically pressed up against you as you looked up at him, his chest rising and falling with a deep breath. The warmth of his body seeped into yours, creating an electric tension that was impossible to ignore.
He tried to keep his composure. He tried to not look at you like some piece of meat. He tried not to think about how close you were, how he could easily shove you down on this counter, or up against a wall. His mind raced with conflicting thoughts, the struggle to maintain control evident in the tightness of his jaw and the flicker in his eyes.
But you weren’t making it easy. The intensity of your gaze, the proximity, the noticeable tension—it all made it nearly impossible for him to think straight.
At this point, this man was just stressing you out. You came to the conclusion that he was just trying to forget whatever happened last night, just like you tried forgetting what happened in the stables, but now you’re glad you didn’t, but for what? Look how he’s acting now.
“Joel, you’re really just gonna act like last night meant nothing? You’re just going to move on with life after that?” Your voice was sharp, each word laced with the hurt and confusion you felt.
Your words struck him like a damn brick. Because yes, that is what he was going to do. He was just going to act like last night wasn’t the best goddamn night of his life.
“That’s what you did.” He remarked, his tone cold and detached.
His words hit you like a punch to the gut, the accusation clear.
He was right.
But you were standing right in front of him, and he could still hear the way you were moaning his name, a sound that echoed in his mind, driving him crazy.
He could still taste your lips, the sweetness lingering on his tongue, a reminder of the passion you shared. He could still smell you on him, your scent enveloping him, making it impossible to forget even if he tried.
You had no idea what to say. You weren’t going to deny it, because you do remember pushing him away, remember drinking to forget. All you could do was go along with it, even though it was going to hurt.
“Fine—“ Your voice cracked, strangled back deep in your throat. You cleared it as you spoke again. “It never happened. None of it.”
The words felt like knives in your mouth, each one cutting deeper into the fragile remnants of what you both shared. You could feel the weight of the silence that followed, a suffocating blanket that threatened to choke the last bit of resolve you had left. His eyes bore into yours, searching for a sign, any indication that you didn’t mean what you said.
But he wants to forget so fucking badly. Maybe you do too. Or maybe it’s meant to be this way.
Joel isn’t supposed to be knee-deep in your pussy. He’s supposed to be your best friend’s husband’s brother. Nothing else. It’s so simple.
Just forget. Just let it be like how it was before that day in the stables.
So, so, so, so simple.
He nodded. “Yeah.”
But you both knew it was all bullshit. He wasn’t the same man after he got a taste of you. And by the look you kept giving him, you weren’t the same either.
It’ll be forgotten. For now, at least. He won’t look at you with hungry eyes, you won’t look at him with a hopeful look.
“You should probably get going.” He muttered.
His voice was barely above a whisper, the words heavy with unspoken regret. The tension a suffocating fog that clung to every breath you took.
“Yeah.” You say quietly. You gathered yourself up, leading yourself to the front door with Joel behind you once again. None of this felt real. You felt like you were floating on your way to the door, your hands clasped together to avoid them shaking, your breath shortened.
As you turned to leave, the memories of that day in the stables flooded your mind—the way his hands had felt on your skin, the way his breath had mingled with yours. It had been a moment of raw, unfiltered passion, a moment that had changed everything.
Your heart pounded in your chest, each beat echoing the finality of his words. You forced yourself to nod, swallowing the lump in your throat.
You reached the door and paused, your hand hovering over the handle. You wanted to say something, anything, to break the silence, but the words wouldn’t come—
You can’t fucking do this.
You spun back so fast; Joel couldn’t even react. Your lips caught his, arms wrapping around his neck as he eased in closer to you. His initial surprise quickly melted away, and he returned the kiss with a fervor that matched your own. The world outside ceased to exist; it was just the two of you in that moment, lost in a whirlwind of pent-up emotions.
His hands found your waist, pulling you closer as if he needed to feel every inch of you against him. The kiss deepened, becoming more desperate and passionate, a silent conversation of everything you both had been holding back.
You could feel the heat radiating from his body, his heartbeat syncing with yours in a chaotic rhythm.
When you finally broke apart, gasping for air, his forehead rested against yours. His eyes searched yours, filled with a mixture of longing and uncertainty.
“What are we doing?” he whispered, his voice hoarse with emotion.
You didn’t have an answer, but in that moment, it didn’t matter. You both knew that whatever came next, it would be something you’d face together.
He shouldn’t give in, he really shouldn’t. He should push you away and make you leave.
But then he pulled you in again.
His hands were gripping you, and he was melting into the kiss. His self-respect was crumbling with every passing second, the warmth of your body against his breaking down his defenses.
He wanted this. More than he could admit, even to himself.
The taste of your lips, the feel of your body so close to his, it was overwhelming. He surrendered to the moment. All the reasons why this was a bad idea faded away, leaving only the undeniable truth that he wanted you, needed you, in that moment more than anything else.
You quickly pulled the brown t-shirt off from his body, hands instantly gliding down the skin. His muscles tensed under your touch, sending shivers through his body.
He stumbled to the living room, lips still together, throwing himself on the couch. You slid your white top off before sitting on his lap, his semi-hard cock that hid in his pants, pressing up against your clothed entrance in the best way, causing a delicious friction that made you both gasp.
He moved his fingers to unclasp your bra, the fabric falling away with ease. Finally, pulling away, his eyes darkened with desire as he took in the sight of you, he lent kisses to both your nipples, his mouth warm and wet against your sensitive skin. He then moved to suck and bite at the tender skin on your neck, leaving a trail of fire in his wake.
Your breath was ragged, hands in his hair, pulling his head closer, needing more of his touch.
“G-God.” You whimpered, furrowing your eyebrows from the pleasure.
The sensations were too much, each touch, each kiss sending waves of ecstasy through your body. His name escaped your lips like a prayer, a desperate plea for more, as you felt yourself getting lost in the intensity of the moment.
He could hardly keep up.
His head was spinning from the taste of you, from the way you felt in his arms. From the noises you were making as he gently bit around your chest, the soft whimpers and gasps that drove him wild. He was trying his best not to just rip the rest of your clothes off and fuck you on the couch like some sex toy. But he somehow managed to maintain a certain level of patience, his grip on control tenuous at best.
He pressed kisses up your neck, breathing hot air into your skin, each exhale sending shivers down your spine.
“I swear, you’re gonna be the damn death of me,” he murmured, his voice rough with desire.
His hands roamed your body, tracing every curve, every line, as if trying to memorize the feel of you. The tension between you was electric, each touch, each kiss heightening the anticipation, the need for more.
You let out a breathy chuckle, body shuddering. You reached your hands in between both of your bodies, fingers working on unzipping his fly. When you finally got it, he lifted your body up, pants pushed down just above his knees.
His weeping tip grazed over your belly button, pre-cum rolling down onto his thighs, glistening in the dim light.
You stood up for a moment, easily taking your pants off, along with your panties, and throwing them on the coffee table. The grunt that left his mouth when you let your hole slide down his member made you feel like you were about to cum already.
He felt so good, stretching you perfectly, filling you in a way that made your toes curl.
You let yourself get adjusted, but you could tell, by the look on his face, and the way his hands bruised your hips, he wanted you to move. His eyes were dark with lust, breaths coming in ragged gasps. His grip on your hips was almost painful, but it only added to the intensity of the moment. The need in his eyes mirrored your own, a silent plea for you to give in, to let the pleasure take over.
He was trying so desperately to keep control. He wasn’t sure what had possessed him to just let this happen. He was so firm on his decision to forget about whatever happened between you both. Then you came in here, and just turned his world upside down and now here he was, cock throbbing inside your tight cunt.
You began bouncing, hands gripping his shoulders for support.
“Christ,” he moaned, head nuzzling into your neck to plant kisses all over.
Your eyes focused on the bookshelf behind the couch, somehow reading every title of the books. Joel’s hand rested on the back of your neck, the other flat on your back.
“You’re doing so good, darlin’.”
“Joel….” you whined.
Jesus, what the hell were you doing? This isn’t forgetting; matter of fact, this is making it so much worse. But you couldn’t stop. No way in hell. You just kept riding, sweat starting to glisten off of your soft skin.
Joel noticed your bouncing and grinding getting sloppy, grasping your hips so he could help.
Your body completely gave out, so tired, but his cock hit your G-spot perfectly, making you moan in his ear as loud as you could.
“I got you, baby,” he whispered, his voice a soothing balm against the chaos of your thoughts.
His hands guided your movements, each thrust precise, driving you closer to the edge. The room was filled with the sound of your shared breaths, the slap of skin against skin, and the overwhelming furosity of your connection.
Joel’s kisses became more urgent, trailing down your neck to your collarbone, each one leaving a burning imprint on your skin. His grip on your hips tightened, steadying you as he thrust deeper, hitting that perfect spot over and over again. Your nails dug into his shoulders, leaving crescent-shaped marks as you tried to hold on to the last shreds of your sanity.
Every movement, every touch, was a testament to the unspoken emotions swirling between you. The room seemed to close in around you, the world outside fading into oblivion as you both lost yourselves in the moment. Your breaths synchronized, a dance of desperation and desire, building to an inevitable crescendo.
“Joel, please…” you gasped, your voice barely a whisper, but it carried the weight of everything you couldn’t say.
He responded with a growl, his pace quickening, pushing you both to the brink. The tension coiled inside you, tighter and tighter.
Until it snapped, your hips in sync with his as your orgasm washed over the both of you, the feeling of his warm cum inside of you making your heart pound. You start working on catching your breath as he pumps his cum into you, throwing his head back with strangled groans.
You kissed his jaw, slicking his damp hair back with your hand.
He looked so good like this.
You rested your head against his chest, finally catching your cool. Not a word was spoken by him, so you decided to speak up.
You could feel his heartbeat against your cheek, a steady rhythm that mirrored the tumultuous feelings inside you.
“I don’t want to forget.”
You moved your head to look at him, your hand on the back of his head, forcing him to look back at you. His eyes, filled with a mix of exhaustion and raw emotion, met yours.
Joel’s hand came up to cup your face, his thumb brushing against your cheekbone.
“I don’t either, sweetheart.” he finally whispered, his voice hoarse.
The vulnerability in his eyes was familiar, a mirror to your own. This wasn’t just physical; it was something deeper, something that neither of you could deny anymore.
The room felt smaller, more intimate, as if the walls themselves were bearing witness to this moment of truth.
You both knew that this was a turning point, a moment that would define whatever came next. Your fingers threaded through his hair, pulling him closer until your foreheads touched, breaths mingling in the space between you.
“Then let’s not,” you murmured, the words a promise and a plea.
Joel’s lips found yours in a kiss that was both tender and desperate, sealing the unspoken agreement. In that moment, everything else faded away, leaving just the two of you, bound together by the intensity of your connection and the uncharted future that lay ahead.
“Okay.” he murmured.
#joel miller#joel miller fluff#joel miller x reader#pedro pascal#pedro pascal characters#the last of us#jackson joel miller#joel miller smut#joel miller angst#joel miller x f!reader#joel miller fanfiction#smut
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★ THOUGHT OF CALLIN' YA, BUT YOU WON'T PICK UP / 'NOTHER FORTNIGHT LOST IN AMERICA / MOVE TO FLORIDA IOWA, BUY THE CAR YOU WANT / BUT IT WON'T START UP 'TIL YOU TOUCH, TOUCH, TOUCH ME ─── PB⁵ (part 2/2)
❪ requested -> paige and ex gf!reader that plays on iowa where theres a lot of tension on the court bc they ended on rough terms but u can see that they still care abt each other yet have to prioritize the game // hii could u write for paige x ex gf iowa!reader where they play against each other in the final four and everyone can tell theres sm tension on the court between them bc they ended on rough terms ? they still care abt each other a lot but r forced to put those feelings aside for the sake of the game (but they def had a talk afterwards) - u can make it so that iowa still won or uconn won i think either one would be interesting ! tysm ❫ part one!!!!!!!!!!!!
─ warnings | dramatic as FUCK, resolution type shit, iowa v. uconn but like i changed a bunch of stuff so it's not "canon" to real life LMAO. uhhh angst?? idk?? HAPPY ENDINGGG!!!!!!!
─ ev's notes | i just picked LA sparks cause thats the team i want paige to go to but uh it might not be realistic, also this will make sense when u finish ;)
⇨ missing out on updates? check out my wcbb masterlist!
APRIL 1, 2024
THE AIR WAS ELECTRIC in the arena as the final buzzer sounded, sealing UConn’s victory over USC in the 2024 NCAA Finals.
Confetti rained down, and the deafening roar of the crowd filled the space as the Huskies celebrated their hard-fought win. Paige Bueckers, at the center of it all, was surrounded by her teammates, hugging and shouting in excitement.
Hours later, the team was at an afterparty, the celebratory atmosphere continuing. Music blared, and laughter filled the room as the players enjoyed their victory. Paige, drink in hand, was beaming, her joy evident to everyone around her. She had worked so hard for this moment, and it was everything she had hoped for. She overcame her ACL injury and everyone who had doubted her, she'd ─ no, they'd ─ made it to the Final Four.
As Paige moved through the crowd, accepting congratulations and sharing in the excitement, her phone buzzed in her pocket. She pulled it out, glancing at the screen. It was a news alert about the NCAA tournament brackets.
"Iowa knocked out LSU," Paige read aloud, her brow furrowing. The notification showed that Iowa had defeated LSU in a close game, securing their spot in the next round. This meant that UConn would be playing against Iowa next, and therefore against Y/N L/N.
The realization hit Paige like a ton of bricks. She stood still for a moment, the noise and celebration around her fading into the background. She was going to have to play against you.
The same Y/N who had been such a significant part of her life (arguably was the most important part), who she had argued with and ultimately lost, who had moved on and found success elsewhere.
A mix of emotions surged through Paige — anxiety, determination, and a hint of sadness. She hadn't seen you played alongside you since your explosive breakup and your transfer to Iowa. Now, they were going to face each other on one of the biggest stages in their collegiate careers.
Nika noticed Paige's sudden change in demeanor and walked over. "Hey, what's up? You look like you've seen a ghost, we won the game, remember?" she tried to lighten the mood as she smiled.
Paige forced a smile, shaking her head slightly. "Nah, it's just... LSU lost to Iowa. We're going to have to play them next."
Nika raised an eyebrow, understanding dawning in her eyes. "Oh. Y/N."
"Yeah," Paige replied, taking a sip of her drink to steady herself. "Y/N."
Aaliyah joined them, catching the tail end of the conversation. "What about Y/N?"
Paige sighed, glancing between her friends. "We're going to play against her in the next round. Iowa knocked LSU out."
Aaliyah gave a sympathetic nod. "Oh shit. That's... that's going to be intense."
"Tell me about it," Paige muttered. She took a deep breath, trying to push aside the personal turmoil and focus on the challenge ahead. "But we have to be ready. This isn't just about me and Y/N. It's about the team. We have to win."
Nika clapped Paige on the shoulder, offering a reassuring smile. "Exactly. And we will. You've got this, P. We'll face whatever comes our way together."
It left a bitter taste in their mouth, Y/N ─ their (besides Paige, obviously) good friend and old teammate ─ now, they had to knock her out or vice versa.
Aaliyah, sensing Paige's inner turmoil, leaned in closer. "Paige, you've always been one of the strongest people we know. You can handle this. And who knows, maybe facing Y/N will bring some closure."
Paige nodded, appreciating Nika's words. "Yeah, maybe. It just feels... complicated."
Nika chimed in, her tone supportive yet firm. "It is complicated, but remember why we're here. We've worked too hard to let anything distract us now. We owe it to ourselves and to our fans to give it our all."
Paige took a deep breath, steeling herself. "You're right. This is about the team and our goal. We need to stay focused."
Aubrey, who had been quiet, suddenly spoke up. "Y/N is a great player, but so are we. We’ve got each other's backs, and that’s what matters. We’re Huskies, and we fight together."
The next day, practice was intense. The team worked tirelessly, their focus razor-sharp. Coach Geno was relentless, pushing them to their limits. Paige appreciated the rigorous drills, as they helped distract her from her thoughts about Y/N.
──
"Didn't you like, date Paige?" Gabbie spoke up as she glanced toward you, a curious expression on her face. "Like, Paige Bueckers at UConn?"
Everyone was in your hotel room, trying to recover from the afterparty last night. LSU was a hard fought win and everyone was really feeling the win, especially after the controversy from last year so obviously that meant drinks with the team.
Gabbie and Jada were on your bed, Kate had her head on your shoulder as Caitlin struggled to keep her eyes open, despite her laying upright in the chair.
Kate's head perked up at the name, looking up to gauge your expression. It'd been a while since someone (other than reporters) asked you about her, your heart skipping a beat at the mention. The only people who really knew what really happened were Caitlin and Kate, you didn't want to open up about it to anyone else.
Caitlin's eyes opened as she gave you a look. She wanted to speak up before you answered, giving her a nod.
"Yeah, uh a while back." You answered with a nervous smile, feeling the weight of everyone's attention. The room, filled with the soft sounds of recovery and idle conversation, seemed to focus in on you for a moment.
Gabbie raised an eyebrow, clearly intrigued. "Wow, that's wild. Must be kind of crazy having to play against your ex in such a big game."
Kate shifted slightly, giving you a reassuring squeeze on your shoulder. Caitlin, still half-asleep, managed a supportive smile. You appreciated their silent encouragement.
"Yeah, it can be," you admitted, trying to keep your voice steady. "But at the end of the day, it's about the game and the team. We’re all here to win."
Jada, who had been quietly listening, chimed in. "That’s a good mindset. It’s gotta be tough, but you’re been handling it really well. Better than me,"
"Thanks," you replied, feeling a bit more at ease. "I just try to focus on what I can control. And right now, that's playing my best for the team."
Caitlin's eyes fully opened now, her gaze steady on you. "And you've been killing it. We wouldn't be here without you."
"Same goes for you, Cait," you responded, grateful for her unwavering support. "We’re all in this together."
Gabbie still seemed curious but nodded, respecting the boundaries you had set. "Well, for what it's worth, I think it's pretty badass. Turning something tough into motivation like that."
"Yeah," Kate added, her voice gentle. "And besides, we’ve got your back no matter what."
The room fell back into a comfortable rhythm, the conversation shifting to lighter topics. You felt a wave of relief, glad that the subject had been handled with sensitivity by your teammates. It reminded you of why you loved this team so much ─ their understanding, their support, and their ability to focus on what truly mattered.
As the evening wore on, you found yourself thinking about the upcoming game against UConn. It was inevitable that facing Paige would stir up old emotions, but you knew you were ready. Your time with Iowa had been transformative, helping you grow not just as a player, but as a person.
You had a team that believed in you, and you believed in them. That was enough to face any challenge, even one as personal as this.
The next day at practice, the atmosphere was intense but focused. The coaches ran through plays, strategies, and drills, emphasizing teamwork and communication. You felt a renewed sense of determination, ready to give it your all.
After practice, Caitlin and Kate approached you, their expressions serious yet supportive. "You good?" Caitlin asked, her concern evident.
"Yeah," you said, nodding. "I'm ready."
Kate smiled, her eyes reflecting pride. "We’re gonna crush it. Together."
You smiled back, feeling the warmth of their support. "Yeah, we are."
──
APRIL 5, 2024
"And here we are folks, the most anticipated of the season! The NCAA Women's Basketball Championship Final Four is about to tip off, featuring the Iowa Hawkeyes against the UConn Huskies!" The commentator's voice boomed through the packed arena, the excitement palpable among the sea of fans.
The camera panned over the teams warming up on the court. The Iowa Hawkeyes, led by their star player Caitlin Clark and Y/N L/N, looked focused and determined. On the other side, the UConn Huskies, with their legendary coach Geno Auriemma and standout players like Paige Bueckers and Nika Muhl, were equally intense.
"Tonight's matchup is not just a clash of two powerhouse teams, but a story of redemption and rivalry." The commentator continued. "Y/N L/N, former UConn star, now shining with Iowa, will face off against her old team. This game has all the makings of an instant classic."
Kate stood behind you, giving your shoulders squeeze as you let out a surprised yelp. "Ow!"
Kate smiled as she put her arm around you. "You nervous?"
You laughed, shaking off the nerves. "A little bit. It's a big game."
Kate squeezed your shoulder again, this time more gently. "You've got this, Y/N. We've all got your back. Just play your game."
You nodded, taking a deep breath. "Thanks, Kate. That means a lot."
As the team huddled up for a final pep talk, Caitlin took the lead. "This is our moment. We've worked hard to get here, and now it's time to finish what we started. Play for each other, leave everything on the court, and let's bring that trophy home!"
The team roared in agreement, the energy palpable as you broke the huddle and took your positions on the court. You were guarding Paige, that was the ultimate goal for you ─ make sure she does not score.
As you walked to the court, your gazes met and your heart sank. She looked determined, her eyes sharp and focused, a mirror of your own intensity. Her blue eyes carried years of memories, both beautiful and painful. There was a time when those eyes looked at you with nothing but love. Now, they were filled with a competitive fire, and something else ─ something you couldn’t quite place.
But you also knew that you were ready. You had trained for this, prepared for this, and you were not going to let her outshine you. She looked you up and down, but she kept her lips shut as you took your position.
Paige moved quickly, weaving through your teammates with a grace that was almost mesmerizing. But you were right there with her, matching her stride for stride. Every pivot, every fake ─ you were there, anticipating her moves as if you were still in sync, like you had been during the best of times.
The whistle blew, and the game began. The crowd's cheers became a distant roar as you zeroed in on Paige. Paige moved quickly, weaving through your teammates with a grace that was almost mesmerizing. She tried to shake you off with a quick pivot, but you anticipated her move and stayed in front of her, blocking her path to the basket.
You were right there with her, matching her stride for stride. Every pivot, every fake ─ you were there, anticipating her moves as if you were still in sync, like you had been during the best of times.
Right from the start, the intensity was through the roof. UConn came out strong, with Paige leading the charge. She was as formidable as ever, hitting shots from all over the court and orchestrating the offense with precision. But Iowa matched their intensity, with Caitlin and you leading the charge.
"Clark drives to the basket... passes to L/N... she shoots... and it's good! Y/N L/N ties the game at 20!" the commentator exclaimed.
As the game progressed, the physical exertion mirrored the emotional toll. Each bump, each shove, was a reminder of the walls that had gone up between you two. You could hear the crowd, the commentators, your coach shouting instructions, but it all faded into the background.
All you could focus on was Paige, everything about her almost felt like a ghost of someone who you'd known intimately but had somehow become a stranger. The familiarity of her movements, the way she dribbled the ball, the sheer determination in her eyes ─ it all brought back memories that you had tried so hard to bury.
As the game progressed, those memories kept flooding back. Late-night talks after practice, shared laughter over inside jokes, the way her hand used to fit perfectly in yours. Each interaction on the court was laden with unspoken words, with the weight of what once was and what could never be again.
In a particularly intense moment, Paige drove to the basket, and you fouled her hard, sending her sprawling to the floor. Time seemed to slow as you reached out a hand to help her up, your eyes locking onto hers. The crowd's noise dimmed, and for a brief second, it felt like it was just the two of you.
"I'm fine," she said, brushing off your hand and getting up on her own. But her voice was softer, lacking the sharp edge it had carried since the breakup.
"Sorry," you muttered, more for everything unspoken between you than for the foul itself.
She gave a curt nod, her expression unreadable as she walked to the free-throw line. You could see the conflict in her eyes, the same one that mirrored your own. Despite the competitive fire, there was an undeniable connection that neither of you could ignore, could ever ignore.
Midway through the first half, there was a brief pause in play. Paige looked over at you, her chest rising and falling with rapid breaths. "You're really making this tough," she said, a ghost of a smile playing on her lips.
"Just doing my job," you replied, trying to keep your voice steady. Inside, you were a whirlwind of emotions.
The first half ended with both teams neck and neck. In the locker room, Coach Blunder gave a rousing speech, but your mind was elsewhere. You couldn’t stop thinking about Paige ─ the good times, the bad, and everything in between. The harsh words exchanged during the breakup, the regret that followed, and the lingering hurt that neither of you had ever fully addressed.
Each glance, each brush of your arms, felt like an electric shock. It was more than just a battle for victory; it was a confrontation of your shared past and the emotions you had both tried to suppress.
Back on the court, the tension was palpable. "Paige on the drive... she dishes it out to the wing, but L/N intercepts! What a defensive play!" The commentator’s voice boomed, but you barely registered it, too focused on the person right in front of you.
In a brief moment when the ball was out of play, Paige walked up beside you. "You're playing good, L/N," she said, breathless but sincere. It was the first civil thing she had said to you in months.
"Thanks," you replied, your heart aching. "You too."
The final minutes of the game were a blur. With the score tied and the clock winding down, Paige had the ball. She drove towards the basket, and you were right there with her. She went up for a shot, and you blocked it, the ball flying out of bounds. The whistle blew, and UConn called a timeout.
As both teams huddled up, coach emphasized the importance of the next play. "This is it. One more stop, and we win this."
When the game resumed, UConn inbounded the ball to Paige. She glanced at you, her expression a mix of determination and something else ─ something softer. She made a move towards the basket, but you stayed with her, your eyes never leaving hers. She pulled up for a jumper, and you leapt, your hand just grazing the ball enough to alter its trajectory.
"Caitlin grabs the rebound... she sprints down the court... passes to L/N... Y/N for the win... and it's in! Iowa takes the lead with seconds to spare!"
The buzzer sounded, and the gym erupted in cheers. Your teammates rushed to embrace you, lifting you high as the reality of your victory set in. You had done it. You had faced off against one of the best ─ and your ex ─ and emerged victorious.
You felt the tears of happiness trail down your face uncontrollably as you shouted, "We did it! We actually did it!" Your voice was almost drowned out by the roar of the crowd and the jubilation of your team.
As you were carried around in celebration, your eyes searched for Paige. Despite the euphoria of the win, there was a part of you that needed to see her, to understand her reaction. You spotted her near the sidelines, her expression a mixture of disappointment and quiet acceptance.
Gently, you extricated yourself from your teammates' embrace and made your way over to her. The noise of the gym seemed to fade into the background as you approached. Paige looked up, meeting your gaze with those familiar blue eyes that had once been your world, except now they were teary eyed.
"Uh, congrats, Y/N." She sniffled, her voice steady but soft. There was a depth of emotion in her eyes, a mix of pride and sadness that tugged at your heart.
"Thanks, Paige," you replied, your voice catching slightly. "You played an amazing game. You always do."
She nodded, a small smile playing on her lips. "You too. You deserved this win."
There was a moment of silence, a charged pause where the weight of your shared history hung between you. Finally, you broke the silence.
"I'm sorry," you whispered suddenly, your stomach twisting in gulit.
Paige scoffed, shaking her head. "For what? Playing your best? Don't apologize-"
"No. For having to be the one to take you guys out. I mean... you guys are my family," you felt your own tears build up in your eyes. "Were my family," you corrected quickly.
Paige's expression softened, her teary eyes locking onto yours. "We are a family, that doesn't just go away. But you have your own path to follow, Y/N. And it's okay. We all knew this day might come."
You felt a lump in your throat, struggling to find the right words. "I just... I never wanted it to end like this, with us on opposite sides."
Paige reached out, her hand finding yours and squeezing it gently and it felt like how it did, two years ago. "Life doesn't always go the way we want, but that doesn't mean what we had wasn't real or important. We grew together, and now we're growing apart. It's part of the journey."
You nodded, swallowing hard. "I just hope we can find our way back to being friends, someday."
Paige's smile was bittersweet. "Maybe. But even if we don't, know that I still care about you, and I always will. I never... I never meant what I said, I swear. I'm not angry anymore, I'm just proud."
The tears spilled over, but you managed to smile through them. "Thank you, Paige. That means more than you know."
Before you could even process it, Paige pulled you into a tight hug. She buried her face in your neck as you felt your tears flow freely, her breaths coming in hiccups. You hugged her back just as tightly, feeling the familiar warmth and comfort you had once known so well.
Her lips found your temple, pressing a kiss on to it. You squeezed her tighter, but it was a cathartic release, a letting go of all the hurt and tension that had built up over the past years.
After what felt like an eternity, Paige pulled back slightly, her eyes red and puffy but filled with a kind of peace. Before she could say it, you felt someone's hands on your back. You met the eyes of Nika, pulling her into a hug.
And soon, the seniors of your old team surrounded you, taking their own turn in hugging you and congratulating you. It was bittersweet moment, reunion tinged with the pain of separation but also the joy of shared memories and accomplishments. Each hug brought a new rush of memories, a reminder of the bond you had shared with these incredible women.
"Well, what a remarkable sight we're witnessing right now," the lead commentator said, his voice tinged with emotion. "It's not just about the victory for Iowa or the hard-fought battle for UConn. This is a moment of true sportsmanship and personal connection. You can see the genuine respect and love these players have for each other, transcending the rivalry and the outcome of the game."
His co-commentator nodded in agreement. "Absolutely. It's moments like these that remind us why we love sports. It's not just about the competition, it's about the camaraderie and the human stories behind the game. These athletes have given everything on the court, but off the court, they are still friends, still a family in many ways."
The camera panned across the court, capturing the emotional reunions and heartfelt embraces. It zoomed in on you and Paige, still holding hands and exchanging a few final words. The commentators fell silent for a moment, letting the images speak for themselves.
As you walked away, you felt a sense of closure. It wasn't the perfect resolution, but it was a step in the right direction. You turned back to your teammates, who had been watching the exchange with quiet understanding.
Kate came up to you, wrapping an arm around your shoulders. "How are you feeling?" she asked gently.
You took a deep breath, feeling a sense of calm settle over you. "Better. Lighter, somehow."
Kate smiled and squeezed your shoulder. "Good. Now let's go celebrate!"
You laughed, the sound light and free. "Yeah, let's do that."
As you joined your teammates in the celebration, the noise and excitement of the gym washed over you. For the first time in a long while, you felt truly at peace. The future was still uncertain, but you knew you had the strength and support to face whatever came next. And that was enough.
──
"I just hope we can find our way back to being friends, someday."
"Maybe. But even if we don't, know that I still care about you, and I always will. I never... I never meant what I said, I swear. I'm not angry anymore, I'm just proud."
ESPN, APRIL 2025 Reunited Once Again | Paige Bueckers and Y/N L/N Embrace as Teammates Once Again with the LA Sparks
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NO LIGHT
a/n: wake up babes a new sith dropped and he's ridiculously hot. <- i wrote that when the episode dropped. and it's taken me a bit to finish. really i got this done out of pure spite, because what the fuck do you mean we're not going to see him again. expect tons more for this man from me and feel free to scream in the inbox cause if there's one thing that will remain, i am down bad for a sith. and all i could say while writing was: i can make him worse. this is the prequel fic to darkness within.
summary: jedi were the light, the path to good in a galaxy draped in darkness. he never called himself a title you'd grown accustomed to. a life that you'd been thrust into as a child. when doubts arise and beliefs shift, you find yourself entrapped in what you were taught to fight against.
word count: 8k
pairing: qimir (darth teeth) x jedi!f!reader
warnings: EXPLICIT SO MINORS THIS AIN'T FOR YOU, corruption arc, enemies to lovers, but let's be honest it's more hate fucking, violence, he shows mercy, an unhinged villain obsessed with his lover, biting sort of, p in v sex, oral (f receiving), bad ending if you view it that way.
"The dark side of the Force is a pathway to many abilities some consider to be unnatural."
There was no name for them spoken aloud in the temples. No title for them to wield with pride as the Jedi did theirs. An armor they strapped to their chests before they carried the weight of the word knight. History was not a lesson to be taught, nor overlooked. Yet The Great War still remained fleeting in classes of the past. As if they willed each generation to forget.
You could feel your mouth form around the letters. The quick biting word that solidified in your heart, breaking open your armor the longer you thought about it. It sounded familiar. Each letter a hiss, as poison dripped between your lips. And you wracked your brain trying to remember where you'd heard it before, why the title came with flashes of memories long forgotten and feelings locked away.
Sith.
The darkness that lingered beneath what light the Jedi spread. A plague waiting to be brought forth and wrought upon the galaxy. Yet in the cracks of that obsidian void, you caught sight of a power that still remained. One not even the Jedi could detect within their midst, and yet you somehow latched on to what you found. The glimpse of his abilities far greater than anything you could ever achieve.
Images of his smile as you fought him alongside the people who trained you; those who didn't come home. How he held his lightsaber with the assurance of a man who'd done this before. Who trained in the same halls you did—who followed a path of light before sinking down to the depths of nothingness. He nearly killed you, held your life in his hands, yet his eyes flashed the second you began to fight back.
To show what you'd been hiding beneath the wall they taught you to built. The blockade which kept each emotion, each fear, trapped in your own mind.
You lashed at him with a fervor that scared you. With an anger that nearly consumed you.
And he smiled.
Questions ran rampant in your mind, yet no matter how hard you searched. No matter how far back you looked in the Temple records, there were no answers. The Sith seemed to have vanished from sight and wiped from existence. As if they never existed in the first place. You thought that something might arise, a piece of the past someone forgot to bury, but each time you looked the quicker you realized that this was done on purpose.
The Jedi cleansed the galaxy of evil—yet in doing so created the path for them to return without notice.
Since returning, you found yourself unable to sleep. When the possibility finally arose and you gave into the pleas of your body, his face returned with a vengeance. The smile that refused to leave you. The intrigue that crossed his eyes as he finally found your weak spot—the one thing that broke you. He fought you to survive at first, but as it continued, you suddenly felt like he was testing you. Attempting to figure out what made you tick, what would eventually make you fall.
You ignored whoever lingered in the hallways of the temple, their greetings falling on deaf ears, as you rushed to the training rooms. Night was cresting on the horizon of Coruscant and where you expected to be alone, you were surprised to find people still awake.
Apparently the attack left some Knights on edge. Including you.
"Maker," you gasped, pressing a hand to your stomach—a rush of nausea rolling through your body like a wave.
Whoever he was—whatever he was—he stuck to your mind like a fungi. Growing and feeding off your thoughts; finding joy in the depths of your head. You longed to claw him out, rip him to pieces until that calm serenity of peace finally returned. Until you felt like yourself again.
The room was thankfully empty, save for a few moved seats here and there. You gathered what control you had left on your emotions, practically collapsing onto the floor, each breath a gasp for the familiar Coruscant air. From what you were taught, meditating would help to ease your mind. Or at least assist in making sense of what you encountered, what knowledge you managed to accrue.
"I am one with the Force," you muttered. The words slipped off your tongue with ease, the memory of being a youngling in this very temple returning with a flash. It remained an old saying Masters told their Padawans when they first begin training. A reminder that while you may be powerful, while you may wield it to your own rhythm, you were surrounded and made from it. "And the Force is with me."
Your breathing slowed, eyes falling shut, and you allowed the room to fall away. You sought what lingered in between the liminal space of your mind and the world around you. Teal flickered on the edge of your vision as the darkness began to take shape—morph into something familiar. Cold licked down your spine, causing the hair to stand on the back of your neck, and suddenly you weren't sitting in the Jedi Temple anymore.
Ancient symbols surrounded you, carving that were set into stones older than you. Sucking in a sharp breath, you scrambled to your feet, your hand reaching for your hip—for the lightsaber that wasn't there. Night was all you could see through the cracked open ceiling; the ruins of what you guessed to be an ancient temple. One before the time of the Jedi you knew on Coruscant.
"Tragic isn't it."
You whirled around, eyes wide as the darkness you believed to be empty, began to bleed away. A figure cloaked in black stepped forward. Only this time...he wore no helmet, no mask to hide his signature and the thoughts that surged through your mind. He gave you the freedom to find what he was, to see beyond the boundaries set by the Jedi.
"W-Who are you?" you asked, your voice echoing off the stone walls and reverberating loudly in your own mind.
He smiled, the very look shoving every emotion you fought to keep at bay to the forefront of your thoughts. "I think you already know the answer to that question."
You gulped in another breath. "Sith."
"So they haven't wiped away that memory entirely." He breathed a soft laugh to himself, taking a few steps forward. "I'm surprised by that."
"Surprised..." Your eyebrows pulled together, body going tense with each step he took. "Did they have that information before?"
His smile only grew, the haze in his brown eyes flashing a burnt yellow for the briefest of moments. "Once." His hand reached out, as if to grasp yours, but this was merely in your head. A projection of his energy and yours. Perhaps that's why you relaxed, why you didn't flinch when his Force signature began to twine with yours. Perhaps that's why you let your guard down. "When I was a Jedi."
"You were a Jedi?" you exclaimed, reeling back. "That's not-"
"Possible?"
The echo of his steps rang through the air, stifling the air from your lungs. He walked like a predator. Yet held the stance of someone who couldn't care less about what you wanted, what you might do to him. He gave you his back with ease and didn't blink twice when your hand twitched to the nonexistent weapon at your side. You began to wonder if he brought you here without it on purpose—if he knew that deep down...you wouldn't hesitate to kill him if given the chance.
"Don't you find it remarkable?" His question threw you off guard as you turned to keep up with his slow prowl.
"Where are we?"
He ignored you. "The Jedi spent so long fighting the Sith. They nearly lost. And yet...no trace of that history remains."
"There's no point to this-"
Stopping a few feet away, he assessed you with a tilt of his head, eyes scrutinizing your very being. "There's always a point. Because despite their grand powers and promises, they are doomed to repeat history."
"Lies," you spit, eyes burning a hole through him.
"The Jedi will fall," he began, coming closer until his face was mere inches from your own. You attempted to step back, to remove yourself from the warmth that bled off his body in waves. But you were stuck—forced to keep still as he finished. "It's in their nature to believe they won't. But they will. One day." His hand reached up, palm cupping your cheek and for a moment...you felt the gentle caress of his touch. "Do you really want to be a part of that?"
"Let me go."
He sighed, eyes falling to your lips without shame. "I can't do that."
"You brought me here. All to tell lies." You sucked in a shuddering breath. "You can let me go-"
"I didn't bring you here," he replied, his lips curling into another grin. "I don't know how...but you found me."
"Found you where?"
His faint touch vanished as he stepped back with a sigh dripping in disappointment. As if you'd confirmed his worst fears. "Ashas Ree."
The planet's name sounded familiar—somewhere on the outer rim. And for a mere moment, you accepted his words as truth. That he didn't call you to this place, but you in fact found yourself here. Yet all it did was open a door you couldn't close. It would give way to the chaos in your mind, to the feelings that begged to run rampant in your heart. That alone would tear you to pieces and you'd have no way to put yourself back.
He leaned in once more, lips a hairsbreadth from your own, and smiled gleefully when you gasped. Your eyes wide and body falling back. Only for him to catch you—his arm a vice around your waist as his hand went to your face, keeping you still.
His touch should have terrified you—sent trills of fear through your body—and yet...you found a piece of something softer underneath his mask of danger. Though he may have turned to the dark side, the part of him that remained a Jedi still existed in the depths of his heart.
With reluctance, you came to the understanding that he wouldn't cause you any harm.
That isn't what he wanted from you.
"I'll see you soon...Jedi."
With a gasp, you collapsed, your head slamming against the temple floor as your eyes flew open. Pain bled into your skull, vision black spotted and hazy, yet you still scrambled to your feet. Your robes caught on your legs, twisting around your body. The beat of your heart echoed loudly in your ears—his face, his voice, still prominent in your mind.
He was a scar on your heart, a reminder that no matter how much you fought against his will, you would never win.
So you ran.
The temple cleared out during the night as you sprinted through the halls, your breath quick and stunted with each slam of your boots against the sleek floor. You weren't sure how long you'd spent with him. How much time passed as you did your best to ignore his advances—to gauge what exactly had to be done. Given that you now knew where he was.
Ashas Ree. A planet taught, yet never visited.
It didn't occur to you to ask why. What was there that made the Jedi wish to ignore it's existence altogether. What had they left behind?
Slowing to a halt, you found yourself stuck between two paths. Each hallway dimly lit and bathed in shadows. You held a choice within your hands. One that could change the trajectory of the Jedi if you were able to succeed. You could forget this instance happened, continue on with being a Knight, and leave this man to someone else.
Or you could find him.
The possibility of putting an end to this problem tasted sweet on your tongue. Yet you couldn't deny the true reason for going.
Curiosity would one day be be the end of you. A saying your master told you repeatedly as you put him through every type of worry he could endure—your need to know more outweighing the logic of whether you should.
The strength he exhibited on Khofar nearly brought you to your knees, his power a force to be reckoned with. Yet there you stood, considering the option of taking him on by yourself. It would conclude with your death—you understood this. Somehow that still wasn't enough to stop you from taking the left path towards the hangar. That alone couldn't deter you from a path already carved by the Force.
A sleek muted gray ship was housed in the corner. You couldn't recall who it belonged to, nor did you find it in yourself to care. Whatever this vision procured—the emotions that began to bleed into your heart with a heady and restless need—there was no fighting against it. The steps taken would lead to an unknown future; a consequence that not even you could see through the Force.
What began would eventually end.
Yet how it would play out remained shrouded in darkness.
Flicking familiar switches and pressing buttons through muscle memory, you felt yourself begin to slide back to your mind. The hum of the ship jumping into hyperspace gave you a moment of silence to converge over your thoughts. To focus on your own Force signature that spread around you with ease.
The teal felt familiar enough to sink down into its depths with a sigh. You shut your eyes, hands falling to your lap, as you allowed yourself to step forward into the darkness. Until you felt it begin to creep up your body—chills spreading down your spine and curling around your stomach.
You expected to be faced with a wall of fear; horrors unlike those you'd seen before. Surprise filled your chest as an image began to take shape—a memory that didn't belong to you.
He sat on the floor of the Jedi Temple. His eyes closed, hands resting on his knees, and hair tied up into a bun that nearly fell free. The black robes he wore with pride were gone, traded for a familiar set of light beige Jedi robes, a perfect match for the ones you wore now.
"You're not focused."
The voice...you'd heard her before. The sharp tone of concise words teaching younglings to train until they reached a level of perfection you only dreamed of obtaining.
Soft brown robes flowed around him as she stalked in a circle. Yet no matter how far you pried, how much you attempted to clear the image, her face refused to form. As if he was merely letting you see a hint of his past. Of the man that once existed in the same place you did. Warmth pooled in your body at that thought; he wanted you to understand him, to see that perhaps you weren't as different as you believed.
"You must feel the Force. Not simply think about it."
He sighed, shifting his body—hair falling free around his face. "I am thinking Master."
"If that were true then I wouldn't be able to see in your mind. Try again."
You stepped closer, lowering yourself to sit across from him—your eyes focused on the furrow of his brows, the way his body tensed. Agitation spread along his form, growing by the second, until you saw it begin to take shape in his mind. Peace didn't come easy. Not when he felt the conflict that plagued his heart, the beliefs he once held true and firm now a distant memory.
Without realizing it, you leaned forward, and pressed your hands atop his. Hoping that in some way, he might feel the soft light of your energy—the warmth of a Jedi's presence willing to help him.
"What do you see?" she asked.
He let out a breath, expression softening. "A...Jedi."
"Good. Who?"
"I...don't know."
"Try harder."
Frustration began to cloud his thoughts, his hands clenching into fists on his legs, and just as you reached for him again, you felt it. The sharp tug of fear against your heart. As if he'd stabbed you with his blade. His eyes flew open, a ragged breath tearing from his throat. You backed away, hands falling to your lap as you awaited the memory to keep going—to see what came next.
Only for him to meet your gaze and see you.
Pain sliced through your head, invading your body as his eyes narrowed perceptively. And you cried out, hands clutching your face, nails scraping against your skin. Maybe if you dug hard enough you'd be able to get him out of your head. You would remove any part of him that weeded through your thoughts, past every wall you'd placed to protect what secrets you held. He picked at your wounds and for a moment you wondered if he held a knife in his hand.
"S-Stop," you forced out past gritted teeth and clenched fists.
"You're not supposed to be here."
Sucking in a sharp breath, you shut your eyes to the image of him, to the vision that must have projected from his own mind. He didn't want you to bear witness to his past. A version of him that once believed in the light, that once hoped he could help the galaxy.
"No," you muttered, shoving him from your mind. But to no avail did it work. He was insistent, angry at knowing you could breach him so easily.
"The power you hold. It will destroy you."
"You don't..." Your nails sliced through the skin of your palm, blood welling to the surface within seconds as you fought against his hold. "You don't know anything."
Though you couldn't see him...you felt his smile. The pleasure he gained simply from finding the weakest point in your mind and running with it. Your power, your strength. For so long you'd feared what you might become, what your abilities could manifest into. Yet they remained a mere figment of your worst nightmares, a reality that may never come to pass.
Meeting him changed that.
He knew it the second he saw you.
"You're scared you won't be able to control it. The darkness you don't show the others."
"Lies," you hissed, beating against the walls he created as he wreaked havoc within your own mind.
"Tell me...does your former Master know you're on your way to me?"
Your heart leapt to your throat, fear numbing every ability you once possessed to fight back. To keep him at bay. No matter how much you wanted to argue, to claim he was wrong, you could feel the truth ring in the back of your mind.
No one knew you were speaking to him. No one knew you'd left.
No one would know why you may never come back.
His laughter echoed through you, burning a hole in your chest large enough for the darkness to seep through.
"Thrilling isn't it? Playing against their rules."
Perhaps if you dug far enough, you could rip the tendrils of him from your mind. Pieces that threatened to ruin you. The darkness promised freedom, yet you could see the repercussions of your actions played out before you like a story already written. Accepting the bittersweet taste of something so tenuous would leave you broken by the end of it. You'd be a shell of the Jedi you grew to become.
A person unwilling to fight back.
"You want me weak." The ship rumbled as you began to claw your way out of his mind and back into yours; the show of your strength echoing through the Force. "You want me to say yes because you know that if I fight back...you won't win."
Whatever retort he had died on the tip of his tongue when your ship left hyperspace—ripping you back to the waking world. You fell back on your elbows with a gasp, eyes zeroing in on the planet directly in front of you. One that you'd seen before. Perhaps it was in a dream, a memory not of your own, but the landscape looked familiar.
Signs of life were sparse—scattered further from where he resided—and part of you felt grateful. If this concluded in a battle you didn't want to be the cause of an innocent's death. The Jedi could never know you came here. The consequences alone would lead you to be cast out of the Order with nowhere else to go.
The ground shook as you landed; the hiss of the door echoed out into the empty clearing. You expected to see wildlife within the thicket of trees that surrounded you. All that showed itself was the glow of the moon above. Illuminating the path carved into the grass by people that came before. You could see the structure ahead—it's grand entrance towered over you, becoming one with the stars that hung above.
Jedi once walked these grounds. Their energy practically hummed in your veins the closer you came to stepping foot on the stone floors. Carvings of old symbols still remained—placed there by a Republic that no longer existed.
An era of Jedi you'd only heard stories of.
The history of the Olde Republic wasn't unknown to the Jedi that existed today. You understood their practices, the ways they viewed the Force. Part of them were lost to the war when they began to form the Order that still remained.
This place should be taught, visited, to keep the remaining legacy of what came before alive. This was the history you wanted to know—a past you could almost picture in your mind.
Stepping into the temple, you felt the energy before you saw it. A constricting echo of nothing that slammed against your chest with a brutality you'd witnessed once before. Gasping, you nearly fell to your knees as the obsidian nature of his Force signature began to seep into the ground. Fighting against it felt futile as it clambered over your body—sinking into your skin. Into the very fiber of your being.
"It's quite beautiful." His voice resonated in the small circular temple.
You sucked in a sharp breath, hands slamming to the cold stone floor—your knees collapsing beneath you. "What the fuck is this place?"
Controlled steps echoed behind you, his black robes brushing the ground as he stopped mere feet away. "The past your Jedi have chosen to hide."
"This is-" Your chest tightened, air sucked from your lungs at the feeling of his power laying above you—crushing you to the ground. "No Jedi temple."
He crouched, head tilted and eyes bleeding with a curiosity he held in the forest. "You continue to defend them, even when you know they haven't told you everything."
Attempting to reach for your lightsaber felt as if you were traveling through sand. It swallowed you whole. Ate at your insides and begged for more. You couldn't see past his power, past the darkness that formed over your body. He could have killed you like this; helpless and weak to his own weapon.
Why he never did is what filled your mind; the same mind screaming for a reprieve from what lay beneath the stone. What called out to you in screeching tones.
"Long before you and I walked this galaxy, this temple was created to hide the powers of what they considered dark and unnatural." He left you to lay on the floor, your back against a symbol you recognized. "They built this above a Sith temple to wipe their existence from history."
"The Sith followed the darkside of the Force," you spit between gritted teeth and tensed muscles. Your body was on fire and yet no one had lit the flame. "They wanted to destroy the galaxy."
Though you couldn't see it, you knew his lips curved into a grin. "Why do you have so much faith in an Order that would do the same to you if they knew where you were?"
Anger fueled your actions, gave you the strength to fight against whatever bonds he created against your body. With a piercing scream, your lightsaber hit the palm of your hand, igniting as you scrambled to your feet. He stood with his back to you—entirely aware yet uncaring of how you struggled against his hold. How the darkness began to seep its way to your heart.
You'd never felt this before.
The anger.
The hatred.
The Jedi taught you to quell that part of yourself before it had a chance to rise up. For so long you allowed their teachings to define you. To put a barrier between peace and bitter anguish. And you held that wall up with pride—with the knowledge that you could center yourself at a moments notice.
Yet he managed to tear it all down within one day.
"Good," he replied, his voice a soft rasp that penetrated the wave of emotions which sought to consume you. "Feel it. The anger."
"I am a Knight of the Jedi Order-" Raising your blade, you felt the hum of it sear against the side of your face. "And I am here to enact my duty."
The familiar echo of his blade coming to life—red illuminating the walls before him—sent a thrill of fear down your spine. One he could no doubt feel through the Force. You weren't scared to die. This had been ingrained in your mind since the day the Jedi found you. No, you felt at ease knowing this fight could only end one way.
You were scared of what might become of you if you slipped beneath the might of his powers.
"You have the strength of the old ways." He turned, brown eyes gleaming crimson as he advanced. "But your duty will be your end."
You felt the wall shatter within your mind—pieces crashing to the ground—as you leapt at him. Blades crashed together, lighting up the night with sparks of teal and red. And you felt how much he held back in the forest. He didn't want to kill you then; the way you called to his intrigue kept him from slicing his lightsaber down your spine.
Tonight you could see the difference. The strength he held back within his body.
A swipe of his blade nearly knocked yours from your hand, but the foot you landed to his leg kept you upright. He barely stumbled, regaining his stance with an agility you'd only seen in the Jedi Temples. You lunged again, aiming for his shoulder only to be knocked out of the way. He shoved you back with the Force—grinning at the sight of you enraged.
"You were a Jedi." A crack echoed in the night air as you landed a hit to his saber. "And you betrayed them."
"Betrayal." He spun, circling you as if you were marked prey. "I was cast aside as you will be. I did not betray the Jedi. I chose differently and they didn't accept that."
"You chose the path to darkness." Something sparked down your spine—foreign in its nature. Yet no matter how much you tried to pinpoint its origin, you came up blank.
"Desire," he replied, lips twitching when your eyes went wide. "The emotion you're fighting."
"Stay out of my head."
He took a step towards you—the hum of his lightsaber electrifying the air. "You're confused why you're feeling that way. You shouldn't be."
"Stop-"
"I can answer your questions." The palm of his hand reached for you—offering his touch. Promising peace in spite of the anger you felt. "If you'd like."
Fear seized in your chest and you stumbled back; your saber raised as your last line of defense. "Desire is the path to the darkside."
"And yet you feel it." The closer he stood, the more you felt his pull. A whispered promise tinged with the lust of more; the want for knowledge overshadowed by the truth of his beliefs. "You should feel all they make you push down. I can see that's what you want. Let me show you how."
Temptation ate away at your heart, claiming you in ways you'd never felt before. Yet the dread of what you'd been taught began to strike. Rearing in your mind with a vengeance that overtook what he offered. You flinched, eyes narrowed and hands gripped tightly onto your lightsaber as he took another step.
"No!" Your hand flew out, a push of strength bursting free. He slid back, his hand slamming to the ground to keep himself from falling.
That's when you saw it. His patience snapped, anger breaching the otherwise calm exterior he attempted to give you. This was the Sith that lay beneath his seduction. The man you caught glimpses of in your mind. He surged forward, saber striking down against yours hard enough to rattle your bones. Each hit felt as if you were battling something stronger—older.
You could feel the weariness in your body as you blocked and parried as often as you could. Spinning on your heel, you fell to one knee as he struck down a blow that resonated against the stone. Cracking it along the grooves of the center.
There was no mercy in how he battled. No offering of penance. He was your executioner come to life—the promise of death quick to fall from his tongue as he placed you in a corner.
He dragged you forward with a pull of the Force, crimson clashing with teal as you blocked his strike. And pride swelled in your chest at the sight of the frustration that crossed his face. This was not a fight as quick to the death as Khofar was. You would battle until your final breath and he seemed to realize that the longer you went.
"You die here today," you spit, struggling against his weight.
Pain sliced through your side, burning its way through your body as his lips pulled at the corners. Eyes alight in a way you'd never seen. He was amused by your fight—your willingness to die for the Jedi's beliefs. Yet you did the one thing everyone fell for on Khofar.
You underestimated him.
Yanking the small red blade from your side, he watched your face fall. Fear lacing your heart with a poison that held no antidote. This would be where you would have your last moment. The place he'd leave you to rot. But unlike what came before, he caught you in his hold, lowering you gently to the ground—his hand reaching to cup your face.
"You're afraid," he murmured, thumb tracing the top of your cheek. "You don't want to die."
Whether he could see it painted across your face or find it in your thoughts, the truth remained the same. You didn't want your story to end here. You couldn't fathom a death so small compared to what you'd been raised to believe. Jedi's were warriors. They were the protectors of the light; the keeper of peace.
Yet there you were, withering in the darkness and begging for hope.
"Let me in." His hand slid down to your gaping wound—pressing it gently even as you cried out in pain. "I can help you."
"You'll kill me." Even when you spoke, you understood the gravity of your situation.
He offered you salvation—safety within his hands—and yet you were willing to die. Teachings of your past suddenly felt minuscule as you stared death in the face. This would not be peaceful; you could feel the ravages of your injury begin to seep through your body. And he watched while you grappled with a choice that may very well set the path of your future.
Let me see your darkness. Let me help you control it.
His voice soothed the calamity in your veins. His touch a caress against your open robes—his skin hot against yours.
The look on his face—the clarity in his gaze—may be why you finally relented. Why you nodded slowly, fear traveling through every inch of your already broken body. He watched you with a desire that you'd only read about in stories. A feeling you'd pushed away at every waking moment. One that haunted you like the ghosts of this temple.
"Please," you breathed, hand clutching his robes.
Shifting you higher, he bent his head—his palm covering your wound—and pressed his lips to yours. Electricity streaked down your spine the moment you felt his kiss. His mouth was firm, yet soft in their nature when he gripped you closer. You gasped into it, hand cupping his face as he breached your mind slowly—gently enough to make you look past the act.
Until you felt it.
The warmth that bloomed beneath your skin when your body began to stitch itself together. He pushed the Force of his life through your veins—seeping it slowly into your heart. His thoughts melded with yours, memories of a past you never lived filtered through your mind. But he remained firm and solid in the way he kissed you. His tongue slipping past your parted lips to taste you, to take what he never got to on Khofar.
"I can give you more," he mumbled against your cheek, lips sliding along the curve of your jaw. "All that you want."
You would later blame his life Force, or the thoughts you were privy to. But the word yes slipped off your tongue with ease. A quickness that nearly left you startled.
This was forbidden. Every moment spent here would damn you to an eternity of punishment. Yet his touch felt delicious against your body as he pulled up your robes—spreading them open on the floor of the temple. You should have pushed him away. Dragged your lightsaber towards you and sunk it into his chest. And part of you wanted to.
Part of you ached to kill him.
Though no matter how hard you tried...you couldn't discern whether that stemmed from the throbbing heat between your legs. Or the violent echo in your heart.
His eyes caught your bleary gaze—pupils blown out and dark as he regarded you with a searing look you felt to your bones. "How do you want this?"
"I..." A burning heat spilled beneath the skin of your cheeks, spreading down to your chest. "I don't know," you whispered.
He smiled and you couldn't help but notice how he bared his teeth. Hunger etched on every line of his face. He liked that you were lost; that this was going to be the first and only time someone would touch you this way.
He suddenly felt the urge to claim you, call you his in every way that could exist within this galaxy.
Chalking it up to the ache in his body, he waited for your head to clear. "I can show you. Teach you."
A nod of your head set him off, he pulled at your pants until they pooled with the remainder of your robes. You lay bare beneath the moon—hands reaching to touch him—and felt that nothing this pleasurable should be wrong.
How could the Jedi claim a feeling like this as dark? How could having your needs be met be so horrendous to their beliefs?
With a gasp, you rose up on your elbows to watch him hoist your legs over the wide breadth of his shoulders. His fingers dug into the meat of your thighs—eyes fixed on the way you practically dripped onto the stone floor. You were given a second to breath before the oxygen was pulled from your lungs and his mouth sealed over your cunt.
"Maker!" Your body fell to the ground in a heap—head dazed as he laved his tongue between your slick folds with a need never shown before.
He groaned at your taste, the tang of you spread along his taste buds, and felt his body throb at the sight of you. So open, so willing to let him devour you whichever way he wanted.
The burning need from earlier began to build in your body, tightening along each muscle and pulling at your stomach. Your hand dug into his hair, fingers curling against his scalp as he sucked at your clit. And you had no choice but to moan—to let your sounds echo in the air and fall back down. If someone were to pass by they'd see you—hear you.
They'd bear witness to how you sank deeper into the darkness with a dazed smile on your lips.
A finger pushed at your entrance, curling into you slowly in search of something hidden within. You were wet—dripping down his hand—and he merely smiled into you. His tongue lapped against you as he sunk into you down to the knuckle. Dragging along your walls until your legs jolted—a cry ripping from your chest at the feeling of him brushing something devastating.
"There." Your head fell back, hips canting up into his face. "Yes. Fuck right there."
The wet echo of his fingers pounding into you drove you mad. He dragged you the brink with a merciless hand and you followed him with a gasped cry of bliss. Something broke within you—spreading through your body rapidly—as your legs shook and toes curled.
He groaned drunkenly into your cunt, eyes half lidded and cheeks stained the color of his lightsaber. You cried out when he sucked at your clit—curling his fingers mercilessly as lust clouded his vision. The unknown feeling you'd fought for so long began to eat at your body. Building along your spine, spreading through your stomach. Until you held no choice but to relent to its power.
"W-What's happening?" you whined, fingers tugging at his hair.
You weren't sure if you wanted to rip him away or keep him close.
The response you got was a heady moan muffled into your slicked thighs. Slick poured out of you, drenching the floor below. Your hips began to shift of their own volition—grinding against his mouth as you struggled for breath. For a semblance of peace against the war of pleasure that ripped you apart.
He sucked hard and the tension in your body snapped.
"F-Fuck!" you sobbed, thighs shaking and body bending off the floor.
Heat blinded you as white flashed behind your shut eyelids—a vibration unlike any you'd felt before now surging up and out of you. The stone floor cracked to the center; your strength sending a wave through the Force strong enough to break anything nearby.
He curled his arms around your legs, clamping down to keep steady. Even as the power rushed through him—tempted to shove him off and across the room. His tongue was a continued to lap at your entrance, drinking down every drop of that you fed into his open and waiting mouth. A broken moan ripped from your chest—body weary and sore—and yet you let him keep going.
Even as he licked until pain spliced up your stomach. A sharp discomfort you relished in.
"Tell me," he panted, climbing his way up your body—his lips trailing a wet line of kisses up your sternum. "Did the Jedi ever tell you about that?"
You grinned, hazy and languid in your newfound bliss. "I want more."
He smiled. "I can give you more."
Whatever convictions existed before you came here died in the back of your mind when his hips settled between yours. The heavy outline of his now hard cock was a firm press against your dripping cunt. It made you whimper. Made you needy. He watched you with glee in his eyes as you reached beneath his robes to feel him—the press your skin against his.
"Do you want it?" he asked softly, thrusting forward and tearing a moan from your throat.
"Yes," you gasped. "Please. I want it."
Moving your hands to rest above your head, he shifted his robes the best he could—the fabric soft against the inside of your thighs. You watched in rapture as he pulled his cock free; the sight of the red and leaking tip only serving to make your mouth water. The need from before now burning quicker. Brighter.
"Stay still," he murmured against your lips, stealing a kiss when you nodded.
Entirely at his will.
You felt him slide through your slick, coating himself with a raspy moan, before he pressed at your entrance. The head of his throbbing cock breaching you slowly. Stretching you with the slight flicker of pain. Only for him to push forward with a gritted moan. His forehead falling to yours as you gasped for air—for anything that might keep you latched to the surface of the planet.
"So perfect," he managed to bite out, his hips finally atop yours.
Your mouth fell open at how full you felt. How he pressed against your walls and carved a place for himself inside your body. Whatever path you might have taken before tonight vanished before your very eyes. This was always meant to be your future.
He is what you were led to.
"Okay?" His eyes met your blurry gaze—tears dripping down into your hair. "Speak to me love."
A ragged breath echoed in the temple. "'M good."
His lips curled up. "I'm going to move now."
"Will it hurt?" you asked, hesitancy lingering in your voice.
The grin bloomed into a smile as he shifted his hips back, thrusting into you slowly and striking against your walls. Pushing the spot he found before. Only this time the brief tendrils of pleasure burned through you like a roaring flame.
"Oh-"
"You like that don't you?" You nodded frantically, hands still obediently above your head. "Such a pretty thing. So willing."
"Yes," you whined, legs curling around his hips with each thrust.
The reverence from before slowly faded each time he plunged into your cunt. His groans muffled into the skin of your shoulder. He fucked you with a passion that would linger. A feeling you'd search for in the middle of the night—begging for the release you once had. His teeth scraped against your skin, fingers digging sharply into your hips, and you jolted when he shifted the angle.
Pounding down into you and pulling free sounds you'd never made before.
"All mine to have," he breathed against your cheek, lips catching yours in a messy kiss of teeth and tongue. "They would dare to throw away someone to perfect."
"Maker I'm gonna-" Your head fell back, eyes screwed shut as the tension began to build again.
"Yes," he gasped, cupping your ass to help your stunted movements. "Cum for me. Give me everything."
The pleasure eviscerated you. Slammed into your body with a vengeance and ripped every doubt you had about him from the very root up. He moaned against your chest as you came with a scream. Your thighs clamping around his and body curling up in search of his heat. A hand latched onto your back, holding you close, as you drenched his cock until it smeared on the inside of your thighs.
You couldn't find your way out of this maze. The darkness shrouded you in a layer of warmth—seeping into your body with ease. Yet that isn't what horrified you. That isn't what made the hair stand up on the back of your neck as he chased his own release.
What scared you was that you liked it.
You longed for it.
He came with a hoarse shout, spurting into you and filling you with warmth that you felt spread throughout your body. It consumed you. Welcomed you with a heady kiss and the promise of more. And you drank it down like the finest glass of wine.
The lingering echo of your Force signature still flickered in the background. You refrained from reaching for it. Content to remain in this river of peace that sank you down to the bottom.
His lips found yours, tongue sliding hotly into your open mouth. You returned his kiss with a fervor you didn't know you held. A wanting that now knew what the full extent of desire felt like. A need that would crave more.
"I-I liked it," you whispered against his lips. His cum slowly dripped out and around his softening cock. You yearned for him to show you again. "All of it."
"Good," he murmured. "There's so much more to show you."
"When?"
"Soon," he said, gathering you in his arms with a kiss to your forehead. "I promise my love. You'll know all of it."
You awoke to the echo of birdsong. The bright ray of sunlight blared down through the ceiling, turning the once cold stone beneath your skin hot. It burned you as you shifted, arm searching for the warmth of another that lay beside you.
Sometime in the night he began to tell you the history of what he knew. The people that once walked these temple floors. The Sith whose memory still echoed beyond time and space. This was their legacy. A path that you would soon take as your own. Yet the doubt of what it would cost still lingered at the edges of your mind; the reality you would soon have to face.
He would be hunted.
Sought out by the Jedi who would want revenge for what happened on Khofar. By joining him, you would be setting yourself up for a fate worse than death.
When your touch came up empty, your eyes fluttered open. Expecting him to be mediating somewhere nearby, you sat up still naked from hours before. A sore ache bloomed between your thighs, spreading down your legs. Each bite he placed on your skin remained tender to the touch, and you smiled at the memory they would incite.
"Hello?" you called, hoping to draw him back. To hopefully entice him for more.
Silence was all you were met with as you stood on shaky legs. Gathering your robe, you draped it around yourself—your lightsaber already clutched in your hand. You searched for his presence in the Force; picked through the life on this planet in the hopes of finding the one you recognized.
Only to be left with an empty voice.
An expanse of nothing.
Pain sliced through your heart, shattering a piece you didn't know existed. You watched it fall to the floor—breaking you open without mercy. Without forgiveness. What hope you had that he might find you again diminished as you gathered the rest of your robes and headed back to your ship still in the clearing. The truth of what occurred, now a solid belief in your mind.
Last night you offered yourself up to the darkside of the Force and this was your consequence.
To be left alone, waiting for your lovers return that would never come.
#this took me so long to write but it's finally HERE#qimir x f!reader#qimir x reader#qimir x you#qimir x y/n#qimir smut#the stranger x reader#the stranger x you#the stranger x y/n#the stranger smut#my writing#the acolyte
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FOLDER 103.
sleep_well.mp4
Bangchan x reader. (S)
A chapter of Folder 103
Synopsis: Chan figures that it's his lucky day when he finds you sleeping naked. (3,6k words)
Author's note: Just something to keep you horny hehe I know you'll enjoy this one x
For Chan, every day is a lucky day with you.
With tons of work always keeping him busy, it's not easy for him to finally have time to spend with you. So tonight, as he's finally able to leave work earlier than he usually does, Chan knows that it's his lucky day.
Even though he knows there'll be no guarantee you'd still be awake when he gets to your place, he considers himself lucky still.
The two of you were still texting an hour ago but with his two last messages left unread only means that you're most likely to have fallen asleep.
Chan lets himself in, tiptoeing his way to the kitchen to get a glass of water before going to the bedroom and finding that you're indeed asleep.
"Baby, I'm home," he lowly whispers and allows himself to place a quick kiss on your head.
He then heads to the bathroom to wash up and change his clothes, then slips into the sleeping attire of a boxer and bare upper body.
He makes sure to keep quiet in everything he does, not wanting to wake you from your slumber knowing that you've just had a tiring day at work. He doesn't know for sure but that's what he feels after getting off work just now.
Somehow, all of exhaustion and weariness seem to magically disappear when he sees your face and it truly feels like he's coming home.
Chan quietly climbs onto the bed and going to slip under the cover with you when he realizes that you're naked underneath.
The two of you have talked about this and it's something you both agreed on before. Going to bed naked is a sign that you consented to engage in sexual activity, sleeping or not.
In other words: it really is Chan's lucky day.
Does this surprise him? No, because it's not the first time that you've done this but it surprises him still. Why? Because here you are, sleeping with your body bare naked and fully entrusting yourself to him in your most vulnerable state.
It's the way you trust him that makes Chan feel loved in a whole different way and that earned you a special place in his heart that no one ever comes close to.
And for that, Chan places a long, lingering kiss on your forehead until his heart bursts with how much emotion he puts into it.
Chan proceeds to go under the cover and lay next to you, carefully resting his hand on your waist. He uses the opportunity to look at your face as long as he pleases, so still and peaceful, unaware of how beautiful you look as you are lost in your dream.
"My baby," he sighs as he tucks a strand of hair behind your ear.
"My beautiful, beautiful baby," he emphasizes every word with such love, along with a sweet peck on your lips.
He lets his hand wander as he keeps whispering sweet praises to you. His hand wades your silky skin and makes ripples in your insides.
"So soft, baby," he murmurs with his mouth pressed against the column of your neck.
"How are you so fucking soft all over, mmh?" He asks in disbelief and a sharp intake of breath.
Feeling you is not enough, he wants to see his hand on you. Chan pulls the cover away, exposing your naked body to the chill night air and raising the goosebumps on your skin. He notices and hurriedly rubs his hand down your arms.
"I'll keep you warm, mmh," he mutters with another peck on your lips.
Before he forgets, he takes his phone and starts recording, the camera follows his hand as he explores your miles and miles of soft skin.
He begins from your lips, gliding his thumb over your lower lip. He can't wrap his head around the fact that he can kiss these lips as much as he wants.
He glides his hand down to your neck and carefully wraps his hand around it, he likes how it looks like it belongs there. But that's something he can do another time.
Only using his fingertips, Chan drags them down your chest and rubs over your nipple, watching it harden as he keeps circling on it.
His eyes flick to see your face as you draw a sharp breath and your hand flies to the side of the pillow, still soundly asleep.
A part of him wants to wake you up, wanting to see how you react to his touches and oh, he just wants to hear the noises you make whenever he touches you right.
Another part of him is enjoying this too much but if he wants to continue this, he's aware that he shouldn't disturb your sleep.
He lets out a delightful sigh as he takes in the sight of your heavenly body that he never gets tired of seeing, of touching, of feeling, a body that reminds him that he is the luckiest man.
"Oh, I'm so lucky," he sighs with so much contentment.
Chan glides his hand lower to your abdomen, holding his breath as his hand inches closer to that delicate thing between your legs. Then slowly, he parts your legs open.
He instantly drools at the sight of your ripe cunt making his cock act up in its confine, aching to be inside you. He tells himself to be patient and uses his hand first to feel how tender you are.
It's amazing that even though you're sleeping, your body is fully awake and responding to his touches. He can feel that you're getting wet just from him running his fingers between your folds.
"Mmh, yeah, make it wet for me, baby," his voice drops lower than before.
Once in a while, he checks his phone to see if he gets everything in video. You know how he likes to take videos of you, especially these kinds of videos that always help him cure his longing whenever he can't see you.
After a while, he stops recording and puts his phone aside.
Chan slowly turns your body so you can comfortably lay on your back as he kneels on the bed.
This time, he replaces his hand with his lips, exploring your skin by dragging his plush lips down and around, warm and wet, hot and cold at once. He covers every inch of your skin with small kisses, from your neck down to your ankle.
He picks up his phone again, using the front camera to film himself kissing your lips, your jaw, your neck, and eventually your breasts.
Chan kisses the skin around the hardening buds before taking them into his mouth in turns. Using his tongue and teeth to play with them, then leaves them wet from his saliva.
He hits the pause button on the video as he slumps down onto the space between your legs and hits the record button again.
He films himself kissing your inner thighs and from there, going down to your sex where he traces your clit with his tongue and then kisses it.
It's a smell and a taste that is way too familiar to him and they always make him go feral, never get enough of both.
Chan curves his big arms around your thighs and dives deeper into your wetness, lapping his tongue on your slit repeatedly.
He can see that your breathing is quickening in response to his stimulation and it lets him know that he's doing the right thing.
It feels like a feast to him so Chan opens his mouth wider to take more of you, licking and sucking, enjoying himself in eating you out.
He's aware that you're stirring in your sleep but nothing he does wakes you up so he proceeds to the next thing which is his swollen cock.
But first, he has to get rid of his boxer and let his erection spring free. He then settles himself between your legs again and makes a new video.
"So hard for you, baby," he sighs as he gives his cock a few pumps before running it down your drenched cunt.
His teeth faintly bite his lower lips as he suppresses the urge to jam his cock inside you in this very second.
"Fuck, I'm so impatient to be inside you," he groans.
Using the tip of his cock, he circles your clit and then taps on it. His cock is now drenched in your essence and he expects nothing less than that.
To make sure you're ready for him, Chan inserts his finger to check and adds another finger to help stretch you out for the next thing.
"Mmh, so tight, yes..." he breathlessly gasps, making his throat dry from how thirsty he is for you.
He slowly pulls the two digits out and doesn't hesitate to shove them into his mouth so he can have a taste of you.
"Sweet as you, my angel," he murmurs.
Chan gives his cock a few more strokes before aiming right into your entrance, he checks his phone again and makes sure it's still filming.
With his hand gripping your hips to hold you still, Chan slowly pushes his length inside you. He watches his cock disappear into you little by little through his phone.
"God, fuck, oh..." all sorts of profanity and taking the divine beings in vain are spilling out of his mouth.
He had sex countless times with you but gosh, it always feels this good, every single time. The way your velvety walls welcomed him and wrapped around him, there's nothing like it.
"Oh, oh..." he hisses and groans, sometimes a mix of two as he keeps pushing the remaining length of his cock into you.
He hears you letting out a low sigh and abruptly stops moving to check on you.
"Just a little bit more, okay baby?" He mutters to you as his hand tenderly rubs your abdomen.
He doesn't know why he bothers talking to you when you're not even awake to talk back to him.
"I know you can take a little bit more," he murmurs, then pushes the rest of his length into you.
He grips at your hips again once he fully bottomed out inside you. He can't move without feeling like he's about to shoot his load at any moment.
He takes a minute to calm down, reorganizing his breathing and rubbing his hand up and down your thigh.
"How do you always feel this good, baby?" He sighs in wonder.
It arouses him so much at how still you are with his cock deep inside you and most likely, about to fill you with his cum. That thought only gets him off instead of calming him down.
After taking a few deep breaths, Chan finally dares to move. He moves his hips, thrusting into you at a slow, steady pace.
The quiet resides in the room except for the low rustles of the sheets, the sound of Chan's fervent breathing, and the suppressed grunts he keeps behind his gritted teeth.
Seeking more depth, Chan picks up your legs and wraps them around his waist. He slightly hoists the lower half of your body against him so he can thrust deeper into you.
"Oh, fuck, fuck, fuck," the profanity keeps falling out of his mouth with each thrust.
He switches between looking at your face and down at his cock slips in and out of you, arousing him even more. He grips your thighs, thrusting harder into you and going as shallow as he could.
Chan is so lost in it, losing his head and all of his senses, making him nothing but a man who's hungry for pleasure and you're the only one who can provide it.
He can feel himself so immersed in the pleasure that his phone slips out of his hand and falls onto the bed, he doesn't even care if it's still recording or not. He just wants to keep fucking you, more and more.
"Fuck, so good!" He says through his parted mouth with his head thrown to the back.
He doesn't realize that he is supposed to not wake you up and abruptly stops when he hears you lowly whimpering with your hands clutching the sides of your pillow.
He hurriedly lowers himself down and hastily kisses your lips with his upper lips coated with a sheen of sweat.
"Did I go too rough, baby?" He meekly asks with his lips only inches away from yours.
He holds your jaw and kisses you more as his apology, "I didn't mean to wake you up," he says.
He moves to the other side of your head, pressing kisses on your neck and trying to make up for waking you up.
"You just feel too good I don't know how to stop," he mutters into your ear.
He doesn't even know if you're awake but he feels the need to apologize to you. He keeps kissing you to calm himself down and when he's sure you're falling back to sleep, he slowly pulls out of you.
Carefully, he maneuvers your body and makes you lay on your side as he lies next to you. He touches you again, sending you deeper into your slumber.
However, his cock is just aching to be inside you again and he indeed wants to continue, he wants to finish, and he still wants you.
He grabs your chin and turns your head at him so he can press a kiss on your lips.
"Promise I'll be gentle this time," he tells you with yet another kiss on the skin behind your ear.
He bends your leg, giving him the access to easily slip his cock into you again. He lets out a hoarse sigh when his cock is fully buried inside you.
"Too good," he mutters with his mouth pressed against your shoulder.
"You're always too good," he mutters again.
Chan cups your ass cheek in his hand, kneading on the flesh as he starts moving, bucking his hips from behind you. He wouldn't hesitate to land a few slaps on it but that's for another time.
It doesn't take long for him to find his rhythm, thrusting into you and picking up where he left it. He pulls your leg higher as he launches his cock deeper into you.
"Oh, I like it here, baby," he says, accidentally sucking on the skin on your shoulder.
From how hard he grips the back of your thigh, Chan knows that his nails dug into the flesh and will probably leave marks on the skin.
He just can't seem to think straight when his head is filled with nothing but how good to be inside you.
Again and again, he fails to keep his composure and wakes you again. This time you're whimpering and moaning at the same time.
"Do you mind if I keep going, baby?" He asks you with his grunt getting in between the words.
You say nothing but stifle a nod in answer and crumple the sheet under your hand.
"Want to fill you," he pauses as he pushes his cock deep into you and makes you whine in response.
"Want to fill you with my love," he says again.
Your hand finds the hand holding your leg and rests it on top of his hand while your head turns to the back and Chan instantly captures your lips in a passionate kiss.
Chan takes your hand and clasps it together with his, putting it close to your heart as he keeps chasing his high with his lips latched with yours.
The room is now filled with both of your shared noises of breathless moans and the smooching sounds of your sloppy kisses.
"A little bit more," he tells you with eyes screwed shut and his mind is close to short-circuit.
"So fucking close," he grunts, planting his lips on your shoulder.
It feels like his whole body is lit on fire but instead of running away, Chan keeps walking toward that flickering, flaming burst of orange.
The next thing he knows, his head blows and he bites at your shoulder as he cums. He keeps pushing his cock into you, wanting to plant his seed deep inside you as his hand rubs your abdomen.
"Take all of me, baby," he whispers into your ear.
He repeatedly kisses your neck only to whisper again, "Take all of my love."
He places a few more kisses on your back shoulders and more sweet nothings are out of his mouth, "Just for you, baby, only for you."
The two of you stayed like that for a few moments, coming down from the high and sharing loving kisses in between. Chan lovingly puts your hair away to place sweet little kisses on your jaw, "You can go back to sleep now," he says.
With his cock stays inside, he puts his arm around you and draws you closer. He's cuddling you back to sleep, lulling you with his low breathing and soft kisses.
Not long after that, he finds you sleeping in his embrace and holding his hand close to your chest. He gives you one last kiss on the lips and lets you drift into sleep.
"Goodnight, angel."
-
The first thing you see in the morning is Chan's dark curls and you find it hard to move away when he rests his head on your chest.
You peer down to see that he's sleeping so tight that you feel bad to even think of waking him up so you let him. What's another hour of letting him rest on your chest?
However, when you put your arm around to cuddle him, your fingers nudge something on the bed. You reach for it and take it out from under the cover to see that it's Chan's phone.
You're aware of what he did to you last night, how he fucked you while you were sleeping, and muttered a few things that you can't remember clearly.
It's something you both agreed on so you don't mind feeling sore in the morning and it wouldn't surprise you if you find bruises or bite marks on you.
"You had fun last night, huh?" You mutter at his face and boop his nose.
He looks so adorable with his curls and bare face, sleeping on your chest like a toddler. You can't help but kiss him while brushing the cute duck tails on the back of his head.
"My big baby," you sigh in delight.
Shifting your focus back on his phone, you unlock it to see a video and again, you're not surprised to know that he filmed everything last night.
You check his gallery and he took plenty of videos, the first two are of him touching you and the other two are of him sucking on your breasts and giving you head.
Watching yourself get touched and stimulated without your knowing is kind of arousing, not going to lie.
With your hand still playing with his soft curls, you hit play on the video and it starts with a shot of his cock, then he wrapped his veiny hand around it.
That cock and that hand, and how they're in the right sizes, whoo... never cease to amaze you.
You skip a few minutes on the video to the part where he was thrusting into you, you can hear his low grunts through the phone speaker.
Seeing how he fucked you from something close to his point of view oddly turns you on. Then suddenly, the video turns black but you can hear rustling sounds.
You think the video has ended but you see that there are a few minutes left in the video. You jump into the last ten minutes.
"Take all of me, baby."
"Take all of my love."
"Just for you, baby, only for you."
"You can go back to sleep now, baby."
"Goodnight, angel."
Your memory is kind of blurry but yeah, you still remember him saying those things to you, even the goodnight kiss he placed on your lips and the rest after that, you can't recall.
You hear more rustles in the video and you bring it close to your ear to hear the faint sound of Chan talking to you.
"I love you, baby."
"Thank you for letting me have you the way I want."
"Thank you for trusting me."
"Oh, I love you so much."
"I don't want to be with anyone else."
"You're just perfect."
"You're perfect for me."
You hear kissing sounds in between those sentences and you bet, he does a lot more than that.
"I am the luckiest."
You hear his overwhelmed sighing at the end of that sentence and then it's dead silence. You're about to turn the video off when you hear Chan's voice again.
"I'm so lucky to have you."
Your heart aches in the best way possible to know that someone loves you that much. Despite that you both are always busy with your respective jobs which keep you away from each other, your relationship continuously flourishes and grows.
It wouldn't be possible if Chan wasn't such a good man and very loving. To say that you're lucky to have him would be an understatement.
You are the luckiest to have him.
"And I'm so lucky to have you," you murmur with a kiss on his forehead.
There's no better way to prove that than showing it with actions, you open the camera on his phone and hit the record button.
-
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#stray kids smut#skz smut#bangchan smut#skz x reader#bangchan x reader#stray kids imagines#skz imagines#stray kids scenarios#skz scenarios#skz fics#skz fanfics#kpop smut#kpop fics#kpop fanfics#seospicy smut
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Can you please do Parental Headcannons i've seen romantic ones all over the intermet and they're well written but i crave Parental Seb headcannons i see him more as a father figure☹️
Of course! We here at PressurePlus believe in loving Sebastian Your Way™️, and not everyone’s feelings on the fish are romantic/sexual!
♡Parental Sebastian Solace Headcannons♡
Warnings: Sebastian acts like your dad
◞꒷◟ ͜ ͜ ◞ྀི◟୨୧◞ྀི◟ ͜ ͜ ◞꒷◟◞꒷◟ ͜ ͜ ◞ྀི◟୨୧◞ྀི◟ ͜ ͜ ◞꒷◟
He wasn’t always standing over your shoulder and fussing over you
He actually didn’t like you at all at first, much like every other expendable
Found you annoying, irritating, and then slowly you started to grow on him
It started with coming in heavily injured and buying a medkit off of him, practically begging to just sit down in the corner of his room for a while
Then asking if you could nap in here since it was the only safe place to do so
Which turned into sitting quietly nearby in his shop in hopes you could just relax for a moment
Suddenly he went from barely tolerating to kind of…worrying over you
Your injuries were nothing to scoff at, and you really did seem genuine whenever you said you just wanted to take a nap here for a while
And suddenly he was worried you weren’t eating enough, having definitely lost weight since the last time he saw you
Sure he never says anything about it
Heaven forbid he be genuine or emotional
Starts giving you food with whatever items you buy, and sometimes he uses the excuse that he just has a ton of extra stuff that’s supposedly about to go bad
This is a lie, check the packaging of some of the snacks and you’ll realize they’re just fine
Makes up some bullshit about trying something new out for his shop if you ask (never gives anyone else food)
Starts to grow softer as the days drag on, enough so that if you do something he’s particularly proud of? He ruffles your hair.
Some of that instinct to protect things smaller than him just happens to encompass you. Is he awful, manipulative, and outright fucking mean? Yes. But he has decided you are acceptable
Therefore he practically follows you around in the vents from time to time
Has probably fought off Pandemonium for you once or twice and you have no idea it even happened
Has handed you a radio to talk with him. He’ll even do special drop offs for you, but ONLY if you have the exact number of data on hand
Don’t abuse this, he will take the radio away. He’s TRUSTING you to be good
“Yeah yeah, I saw what you did. Very cool. I know Pinkie has been bothering you a lot, but I told you it’s not too bad. I was right, wasn’t I? Have a cookie.”
He says it likes he’s insulting you but he genuinely hands you one of those prepackaged cookies
His tone control is good, which means you will almost never hear softness or worry unless you are at the BRINK of death
One day, you’ll manage to get out of here. He doesn’t usually have faith in expendables but he’s got a lot of faith in you. Is he particularly excited that you’re going to get the crystal? No. But a part of him wants you to get out of here
When you get there, and you radio in that you’re standing in front of the crystal he’ll respond with immediate irritation
“What do you want me to say? You’re at the crystal. Don’t just stand there looking dumb, fucking grab it. Thats what you wanted, right?”
You’ll have expected his usual attitude, his snippy tone. What you won’t expect is him breaking the radio silence as you reach in to put the crystal into its container
“I’m proud of you, don’t fuck it up.”
#Sebastian Solace#Sebastian#Sebastian Pressure#Pressure Sebastian#Pressure#Pressure Roblox#Roblox Pressure#Reader#x Reader#Reader insert#Player#x Player#Player Insert#You#x You#You insert#Sebastian Solace x Reader#Sebastian Solace x Player#Sebastian Solace x You#Fanfiction#Fanfic#Sebastian Solace ask box#Ask Box#Monster fucker#Romance#Fandom#Fish Man#Sebastian Shoelace#Writing
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'Someone' (Azriel x Reader)
Summary: The IC try to pry into your life and find out who you're crushing on.
Warnings : Noooone.
He was devastatingly handsome. Unfortunately for you, it did not bode well. You were supposed to be focusing on the meeting taking place and yet all you could think about was the shadowsinger seated opposite you.
"It would be best if we were to implement our previous strategy. What do you think Y/N?"
You snapped out of your daze and blinked slowly at your brother seated next to you. He looked at you expectantly as Cassian tried to stifle a laugh.
"Uhhh...yeah..we must...indeed." you choked out.
FOOL FOOL FOOOOOL. You screamed at yourself in your head trying your level best to get back your bearings and steer the meeting in your favor.
"Although, I do think we should discuss the previous strategy in detail and draw up a plan b in case things go south."
The others at the table nodded in agreement and you held in your sigh of relief. Rhys threw a suspicious glance your way but held his tongue. The people closest to you would describe you as an extremely focused and high functioning individual. Surprisingly for them and you , you were anything but that at the moment.
Azriel hadn't uttered a single word throughout the meeting instead choosing to listen attentively and observe , his usual mannerism. You stole another glance at him and froze. Fuck.
His eyes were trained on you, the gold piercing through the flecks of green and brown. Expression unreadable, he raised an eyebrow at your befuddled face. Giving him a crooked smile and almost wincing at how you must have looked, you turned your attention back to the matter at hand. Fantastic. Absolutely, truly fucking fantastic.
Putting in a ton of conscious effort, you managed to get through the rest of the meeting without making a fool of yourself again. Eventually, the conversation at the table turned into casual chatter. After all, everyone at this table was like family. You would fight for every single one of them.
"Y/N was heartbroken. It was rather funny to be quite frank." your head snapped in the direction of Mor who was shooting you a devious grin. It took a few seconds for the realization to kick in and you almost hid your face from absolute mortification. Today was going terrible.
"I was 25!! A CHILD in fae years." You defended yourself hiding your face in your hands. Laughter rose around the table and you sank further into your chair.
"Wait.." Feyre wiped a tear off the corner of her eye, trying to hold in her laughter. "so you're telling me, Y/N fell in love with a stable boy who was terrified of her? Why was he scared? What did you do?"
"She has this weird smile she ..." Rhys saw the glare you directed his way and a smug grin made its way onto his face.
"Okay..okay..I'm sure your love life has improved since then Y/N. Tell me, who is the unlucky guy these days?" Cassian asked sending everyone into a fit on raucous laughter yet again.
You were sure that everyone had noticed the way your shoulders tensed slightly. Cursing yourself for not doing a better job at hiding your emotions, you gave a casual shrug. "No one."
"Riiiiight." Cassian leaned back in his chair and looked to Azriel who had a small smile playing on his lips.
"What do you think Az? You're the spymaster after all."
"I don't pry into others personal lives brother." Azriel leaned forward placing his elbows on the table. "But...I might know who it is."
A flare of shock pulsed through you causing your heart to thump against your chest. Azriel noticed the change in your posture and let a small smirk slide onto his face. Handsome cocky bastard. Did he know?
You didn't think so. Aside from today, you had never given a hint of anything being strange or weird. He was probably playing mind games with you.
"So there is someone then." Mor's eyes twinkled , the makings of plan behind her eyes to glean the information from you later. You told Mor everything. After all, you were the best of friends. Which is why, you couldn't bring yourself to reveal this massive crush on Azriel yet. You knew Mor didn't love him that way and yet you couldn't speak to her about it.
"You guys are delusional. There is absolutely no one and I'm quite content thankyou very much. Also, spymaster..." you emphasized his title, giving him a sour smile "you need to brush up on your skills."
Azriel bowed his head trying to hide the grin blooming on his lips. "Now...if all of you are done gossiping about my non existent love life, I'm going to go spend some quality time with my new book." You left the room before any of them could notice the red blooming high on your cheeks. What you failed to notice however was a tendril of shadow reporting to its master about your flustered state.
That night as you were drifting off to sleep, a note was slid under the door into you room. It read
"It's hard not to pry when you're involved."- 'Someone'
You would be starting your morning with a heart attack tomorrow.
PART 2 OUT NOW ! READ HERE
Part 2 sneak peek here !
A/N: Let me know if you guys have any scenarios or ideas you want to read about. Would love to hear about them!
#azriel#azriel fanfic#azriel acotar#azriel shadowsinger#azriel x reader#azriel x you#azriel x y/n#a court of thorns and roses#acotar#acotar series#azriel x female!reader#azriel fic#azriel fluff
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loser! luke who sees aphrodite!reader with tons of gifts and letters from admirers and gets a bit insecure about his crush on her but all reader really wants is for him to man up and tell her his feelings 🥹🥹🥹
loser!luke nation rise UPPPP. pathetic men are the best
pairing: luke castellan x aphrodite!reader
content: some suggestive themes, luke being so whipped for reader it hurts, daughter of aphrodite reader, mutual pining, first kiss (let's go luke you finally did it!)
listening to: right here by chase atlantic
you knew he liked you. he wasn't exactly subtle about it, but then again, no one was subtle to you. you were aphrodite's daughter. the goddess of love had blessed you with, among other things, the ability to sense feelings from a mile away. and luke's feelings were strong.
they changed depending on the day. every now and then, talking to him, you'd catch a tiny flicker of love from him. when you'd helped him look over strategy for capture the flag, his emotions rung out companionship, shot through with striations of the kind of love you have for a comrade in battle. mutual respect, and care. so much care.
now, when you're sitting shirtless next to him in the apollo cabin, squeezing his hand as one of the medics stitches up a wound on your arm, his feelings are dark. they're murky, as if clouded by something else. his eyes flick up to yours as you suck in a breath through your teeth, but they don't stay there for long; his gaze falls over your body; your chest, your stomach. the band of skin between your bra and your waistband.
you realize, a little slowly, that what he was feeling was lust.
so yes, you knew luke liked you, as much as any other guy did at least.
other guys at camp would give you gifts, ask you on dates. sometimes, they would write you letters, pages of messy, cramped demigod handwriting about how much they loved you. how they would do anything for you, how they could see themselves kissing you or fucking you or starting a family with you.
luke wasn't like that. he was your friend before he was anything else, and he didn't posture for your attention or try to impress you.
plus, you actually liked luke back.
he squeezes your hand again. "hey," he says, leaning over to look at your injured arm. "it's not too bad. only a few more stitches left."
you nod, biting your lip. luke's thumb rubs tiny circles over your knuckles, little concentric things that ground you to the world.
you wish, not for the first time, that he would lean in and kiss you. at least brush his lips against your hand, the way you can feel that he wants to.
you wish he would do a lot of things.
when the two of you are walking back to your cabin (because luke insists on being a gentleman, and you aren't going to refuse him when he smiles at you) he reaches into his pocket and pulls out a crumpled envelope.
"i was going to give this to you when we won capture the flag," he says, "but you...you got hurt, and i figured it might have been a bad time."
his eyes search your face as he holds out the letter. it's addressed in curving, fluid script to you, and as you open it luke's emotions flicker with uncertainty, with fear.
[Y/N], I think I'm in love with you.
oh. oh.
You're one of the only people who I can really be myself around. I could explain every reason why I love you, but that would take a lot more paper, and I already think this letter is going to be embarrassingly long. I've thought about you-
this sentence is scribbled out, but you can make out the faint outlines of the words even though you probably never give me a second thought imprinted into the paper. you look up at luke, who flushes a soft red.
You make me feel real. You're like a planet, and I'm just a moon orbiting you. Every time I see you, I feel like I can do anything in the world. I want to treat you right, better than anyone else ever could.
"luke," you say.
he looks up, and you swear his eyes are shiny with tears. "c'mere," you murmur, and pull him into a hug. "gods, you took long enough to tell me."
his arms wrap around you slowly, as if he's expecting you to be ripped away from him. when you pull back, one hand draped over his shoulder, he cups your face in his hands and thumbs over your cheek.
"can i kiss you?" he whispers.
I love you, and you are everything. You're the whole world. I would be honored to have you. — Luke.
"yes," you say back.
his lips meet yours, and you feel luke bloom with reddish-purple love. he kisses you like he's waited an eternity to do it, hungry, sloppy.
"i love you too," you murmur, and he laughs against your lips before kissing you again.
#— ash’s writing!#pjo#pjo imagine#pjo x reader#luke castellan#luke castellan x reader#luke castellan imagine#luke castellan fanfic#reader insert#fem reader#aphrodite!reader#fic writing#mutual pining
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Hello...
Lately is a shitty time for me on miHoyo's games. I lost both my 50/50s both to Genshin impact and Honkai star rail. On Genshin, i got QiQi by pulling Xianyun and Gepard by pulling Black Swan. Now i'm broke and my moral is at its lowest.
I'd love some headcanons (or a scenario) about SAGAU(and SAHSRAU if you can) hearing the reader yell and cry of frustration about this. Like: "I'M DONE I'M SO FUCKING DONE!! CAN I JUST HAVE THE ONLY THING I'VE WANTED FOR WORKING AND WAITING THAT HARD!!?? FUCK ALL OF YOU I HATE MY LIFE!!!!"
Sorry. I just wanted to let it out...
Who’s Here: Reader/Player, Diluc, Jean, Mona, Keqing, Tighnari, Astral Express crew, and Gepard
Contains: SAGAU and SAHSR (Not Cult AU)
Note: Hey, hey! I'm sorry this happened to you. I also lost her to Qiqi and had to spend everything else I had to try again, 50/50s suck. Their banners aren’t gone yet though so I hope you end up getting both of them soon! (ノ_<。)ヾ(´ ▽ ` )
💛💛💛💛
It was an accident, it always is with them.
The six of them that are considered standard 5 stars never mean to ruin your chances. They care for you and your happiness, they also want you to continue to play their game. Even though they'd love to be the ones going on adventures with you, both to spend time with you and for their own benefit (Tighnari would love to study other nations' fauna, Diluc could gain new ideas for drinks etc.), they know forcing themselves into your party would never work. You'd just grow to hate them, which is the opposite of what they want.
They're jealous of other 5 stars. Sure they can join you technically whenever they want, unlike the others that have to deal with limited timed windows, but that also guarantees you want them. All they can do is break that or hope they're the lucky one chosen on Wanderlust Invocation. Not only do they have to share a space with each other, but they're also going against weapons, which none of them are remotely happy with.
It's when these emotions are at an all-time high, they're jealousy and longing, the stars will glow gold and tug on their heart.
Diluc is always at his desk when he accidentally takes it. Stewing over boring paperwork his mind will wander from time to time, eventually landing on thoughts of you. He'll find himself missing you and desiring your attention, not realizing you've started a wishing session until it's too late, and he hears you cursing the world. He feels incredibly guilty, and it only grows worse when the wind clatters against his windows. Tries to make it up to you with materials and mora. You’ll find your mail flooded with talent books, adventurers EXP, a ton of mora, and the sincerest apology he could write.
Jean would be trying to sleep. She doesn't have time to think about you during her job, so it’s when she’s on the brink of passing out she’ll start to think of you. The thought of travelling with you sounded like the best break she could get. Eventually she’ll fall asleep and dream about you, only to be suddenly woken up by your screaming. She panics and seeks advice from any and all of her friends on how to make it up to you. Ends up acting similar to Diluc, working herself to the bone to get you talent and weapon materials. She’ll pair them with a few dandelions before sending them to you.
Mona is thinking about food. During a time she forgets to set aside enough mora for a decent meal, she’ll find herself thinking about the delicacies you’re able to provide. Even if it involved fighting, it was a free source of marvellous food. Her mouth waters as she thinks about all the dishes you’ve made, only to be abruptly pulled from her thoughts when a star bumps into her and flies off. She sighs when she hears you start cussing up a storm. Knowing your current state, depressed and full of ire, is because of her, she’ll attempt to make it up to you in a way few others could. She manipulates the fates of the stars so you’re bound to get your next gold star early. A simple method she feels guarantees to make you happy and hopefully take the heat off of herself. It wasn’t simple she wishes you could praise her for it
Keqing would be reminiscing her interactions with you during lantern rite. Whenever she sees the traveller in the distance, but is too busy to stop and talk, that’s where her mind will wander when she finally gets a moment of rest. It’s at this moment of respite she’ll long to see you and the traveller again and when she’ll notice the sky turn gold. She feels incredibly bad when she hears you cry, but she doesn’t have much time to meaningfully apologize to you. The best she can do is write a letter to both you and the character she stole the spotlight from saying she’s sorry. She’ll definitely send you some Golden Shrimp Balls when she next has some for herself.
Tighnari, in a similar boat to Jean and Keqing, would be too preoccupied to miss you on a normal day. It’s when he’s out with his friends and slightly inebriated he mentions missing you. Alhaitham starts to mention how that’s a dangerous line of thought for him to have when Tighnari’s chest starts to glow gold. Everyone winces when you soon start shouting and Tighnari slams his face into the table. He’d end up gathering bunches of every flower in Sumeru and send them to you with a picture of him, Collei and Karkata.
For Qiqi it's a little different. She can't remember the last time you've gone adventuring with her. Half the time she's too preoccupied to even remember she's already on your team. When a star falls and asks if she wants to go, she doesn't have time to check her notebook before she says yes, the star becoming hers and landing on your screen.
Your rage and disappointment is always made evident fast, which always has Qiqi turning to Baizhu.
“Did I… Do something wrong?”
Baizhu sighs and kneels next to her, “You made a mistake, but it's alright. Come, why don't we look for an apology gift?”
The next day you open up the mail to see one from Qiqi. Attached to it are all the herbs she collected with Baizhu, her specialty dish No Tomorrow, and an acquaint fate.
Sorry… Qiqi doesn't remember what Qiqi did, but Qiqi knows Qiqi is sorry.
🌟🌟🌟🌟
Upon finishing the most recent event, you had teleported to the train suddenly before they noticed your presence leaving them. They couldn’t tell if you were in a menu or had left your computer entirely. After a while with nothing happening on your end everyone aboard the Astral Express quickly settled in, expecting to be here for a while longer. March was in her room organizing her photos, Dan Heng was going through the archives, and Himeko was making coffee while Stella and Welt were entertaining the guests. Gepard and Serval had come to visit the train that day. Pom Pom had wandered off earlier somewhere in the train and everything was relatively peaceful… Until they heard you start screaming.
March, Dan Heng, and Himeko all rushed into the Parlour car while the four already there were looking at each other in a bit of shock. It’s when they start making out what you’re saying and see Pom Pom rush back into the Parlour car did they realize you had started warping. A session which obviously didn’t go as planned.
They don't like hearing you angry or sad, so they try to come up with a plan, something - anything that will cheer you up without seeming too suspicious. All of them are in the middle of discussing when they also hear you mumble out a very quick and aggressive “Fuck Gepard.”
Everyone turns to him and his face goes red.
Plans are immediately put on hold as Stella whips out her baseball bat and attempts to smash his skull in. Welt tries to step in to stop her, Himeko and Dan Heng stand-off to the side (one more disappointed than the other), March cheers Stella on and Serval ignores her brother's plea for help.
They do eventually get around to cobbling up a multitude of jades for you to at least try again, but not before Stella nearly gave Gepard a concussion. He separately sends you an extremely long apology letter paired with a choice item to allow you to pick a 5 starlight cone of your choosing. Some of the others berate him for being so obvious, but he doesn't care as long as you're happy again.
#Sagau#Self Aware Genshin#SAHSR#SAHSRAU#Self Aware HSR#Genshin X Reader#Genshin Reader Insert#X Reader#Reader Insert#Man how do you write head cannons#Whenever I make bullet points it’s all gibberish#Sorry Star Rail’s shorter#There are a lot of stellar warp characters and half of them I wouldn’t know how to write for#coldbarbarianpeace#Pois.Writes#Pois.Posts#Pois.Asks
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Jjk love languages
~Gojo, Geto, Nanami, Maki, Megumi, Choso
pt 2(toji & sukuna)
a/n: sorry if this sucks, I wrote in in two hours(i just realized i left out toji but lmk if you want me to write one for him too). also, please reblog if you can, I'd really appreciate it!!!
Gojo~
Annoying the absolute fuck out of you(obviously)
You could be lying down reading a book or watching a show/movie and this man will sneak up behind you and try to jump scare you or use his infinity to prank you. When he’s laying on you and you haven't said anything for a while he’ll look up at you and start poking your cheeks or biting you.
On days where his behavior doesn’t resemble a child fueled by 6 bottles of coke, 3 monsters, 8 red bulls, and 10 tons of sugar, he’s extremely gentle and soft with you. Satoru will cling to you and kiss your cheeks, neck, forehead, or hands or caress your face while staring deeply into your eyes telling you that he couldn’t imagine a life without you.
Maki~
Encouragement
Sparring with Maki was never easy and 100% of the time you end up getting knocked on your ass which is a little sad considering she always takes it easy on you. She has a habit of letting everyone know how much they suck and rarely ever encourages those that train with her but with you she’ll help you up and tell her that you almost had her and to not give up with a half soft half cocky smirk.
Because of where and how she grew up, she’s not the best with emotions but if you’re sad/stressed she’ll rub your back and tell you everything's gonna be okay or let you fall asleep in her arms if you’re at home.
Geto~
Princess treatment
If you need something but you're sitting with your legs over Suguru’s lap or laying on him and don’t feel like getting up he’ll sigh and immediately get up and get it for you.
When you’re out shopping with him, Suguru always pays for everything even when you try to fight him over it. He’ll always buy you food or offer to share his with you even though he ends up fighting the reflex to swat your hand away when he sees you reaching for some out of his peripheral due to Gojo trying to steal some all the time.
When you’re too tired to get ready or you’re sick he’ll bathe and clothe you then brush your hair while telling you how beautiful you are and that he’ll always take care of you.
Megumi~
Honestly all i can say is “idk i just work here🤷♀️”
In the beginning of your relationship Megumi was awkward. He was a mix between vibing in silence with you and trying to figure out what to say and do. You knew he was never good with his emotions and that was completely fine because he had other ways of showing what he was feeling or thinking. When he missed you he’d text or call to “check on you” but really it was to hear your voice. When he randomly felt like saying ‘I love you’ he would rest his head on your shoulder or lap or play with your hair.
When you’re sick or stressed but have stuff to do he’ll get sassy with you and demand that you stay in bed and that he’ll take care of both everything you need done and you.
Nanami~
Acts of service and princess treatment
Kento’s acts of love and affection range from small forehead kisses every time he walks by you or leaves the house to you coming home to find a trail of rose petals leading to the bathroom while he’s leaning over the tub, pouring in bath salts and essential oils. He’s always doing something for you like cooking dinner in a pink heart shaped apron and massaging your feet even when he’s the one that had a long day.
You getting sick is a whole different story. Kento goes from calm mama Nanami mode to uncharacteristically panicked mama Nanami mode. He makes you soup, runs bathes for you, checks your temperature on the hour, and forces you to stay in bed but the second he hears you having a coughing fit his composure goes out the window and he’s by your side in a millisecond rubbing your back and asking if you need to go to the hospital in a panicked tone.
Choso~
Another “idk I just work here🤷♀️” moment
Choso is not only new to society and normal people but also to relationships. He has absolutely no idea what to say and when to say it, but he notices that when he acts on his urges that you seem to like it. Sometimes he wants to blurt out how much he loves you, but he feels like it’d be weird so he’ll either hold your hand and stare at you or pick you up, take you to bed, and cuddle.
Choso noticed that you love playing with his hair so when he feels as though you’re not giving him enough attention, he’ll ask you to brush his hair or wash it for him.
When you get sick he breaks down and panics. He’ll call Itadori balling saying that he needs help, you’re dying, and he doesn’t know how to make you better. It happens every time you get sick; panic and call Itadori to come help while he cradles you in his arms, begging you not to die, with his tears dropping on your face while you try to calm him down.
#megumi x reader#megumi fushiguro#maki zenin x reader#maki zenin#nanami kento#jjk nanami#nanami x reader#jujutsu nanami#choso kamo#jjk choso#choso x reader#jujutsu kaisen choso#fluff#gojo x reader#gojo satoru#jujutsu gojo#jjk gojo#gojo fluff#nanami fluff#choso fluff#megumi fluff#jujutsu fluff#maki fluff#geto suguru#jjk geto#geto x reader#jujutsu geto#getou suguru#geto fluff#jjj love language
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