#and probably do some extra stuff too
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BABY SWEEP!!!
OKAY LITEBRITE POLL TIME (again)
#gremlin blabs#yeah that's p much how i expected the poll to go LMAO#good thing i was already planning to do that#hence why i didn't have an option for me#yes. i also voted baby.#i was honestly mostly just curious if everyone else agreed with me#and yup. everyone does#but i mean. it's fitting#she's named after a kid's toy#she should be a kid herself#now at some point i'll get to make a lite brite themed skin for her >:)#i'm thinking probably make the underbelly black and then have the lil colored 'pegs'#and probably do some extra stuff too#maybe a glowstick necklace#and probably some sparkles for funsies#claws are also gonna get multi-colored and mayyyybe the teeth too...
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Sword PHIGHTING! period cramps moodboard
Gods mightiest warriorā¦ā¦.
Og image:
ANYWAYS EXTRA BITS!!!! So. Yeah. I wasted exactly 27 hours and 29 minutes of my life making this over a period of like. ~a week and a half LMAO????? I THINK IT WAS LONGER?? Yeah all of these are completely redrawn from the Og āpanelsā, replicating the dungeon meshi style is. MISERABLE I donāt know why I did this to myself holy fucking shit, all of you blame @squiffer-salad for this monstrosity sheās the reason why this exists in the first place /silly
anyways, I highly recommend looking at the panels individually because I put a lot of fun extra bits in them and just. A LOT of effort in general, any likes, reblogās, or comments are insanely appreciated since this did take such a long time :āDDD, everything in these minus the backgrounds are completely redrawn/shaded/and colored by hand, this includes mid/screen tones as I used specific layers for those! anyways thank you for coming to my period cramp projection ted-talk Iām going back into my Everglade hole.
#JESUS FICKING CHRIST#WHEN I SAY#27+ HOURS#DUDEā¦ā¦.#FOR A SHIT POSTā¦.. THIS IS INSANEā¦ā¦ WHY DID I DO TJIS TO MYSELF#ANYWAYS now that Iām free from this fucking BEAST of a project Iām going to be working on a lot more comms/personal bits since I have much#More free time on my hands!#School is still kicking my ass but at least Iāve been doing well :3#Scored a 10/10 on a AP world test today! Probably gonna end up failing my math unit exam but oh well wouldnāt be the first /silly#Anyways for some smaller extra comments#I honestly donāt really know how I managed to commit to this if Iām gonna be real#This honestly was more of a test of endurance if anything and I think it came out really well especially since Iām not used#To spending THIS much time on a single piece#It taught me a lot too#Specifically more about midtone layers and different types of line art and such#Anyways yeah I am. So horrendously tired#More art soon though! I got stuff in the oven for reals!!!#art#phighting!#phighting#phighting fanart#digital art#phighting roblox#artists on tumblr#phighting art#roblox phighting#roblox#roblox art#roblox fanart#roblox game
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Feel free to be more specific in comments/notes if you want! If you want to elaborate further, how do you organize them? By role, species, age, alphabetical order, vibes or something else?
#I use a mix of improperly used site (Trello) and writing it all down in Drive (docs and sheets my beloved)#sure I also use tumblr but it's all already written in the sacred texts(?) so that feels like an extension of my note docs#and lol it used to be ALL in my mind. then I learned not to trust my memory too much. anything I think and I like goes down on a note.#that said I'm considering moving it all to Obsidian (as soon as I learn how to use it) because of some nitpicks I have with docs#anyway so far I organized my gw2 ocs in story-relevancy categories: Main. Extra. Background. Companions.#mains do story-relevant stuff. extras are supporting characters to mains or have minor roles in important story stuff. backgrounds are -#- mostly family or part of others' backstory. companions are pets/mounts/constructs/creatures (and get their own subcategories).#I should probably go back and change some OCs' categories though oops#poll#am curious therefore I ask#(and I need to compare how I do these things because I feel like I could improve in some areas)#I poll you answer
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#kirby#knife kirby#knives#kirby makes stuff#cursed image#daily kirby#my art#digital#hal laboratory#nintendo#y'all I was well enough to cut out the rest of the extra stickers that have been sitting on my desk since january.#I'll probably be listing the leftover stickers and prints from kirb2k on kofi tomorrow <3#I'd only meant to do it 3 entire months ago :v#like I cannot fully convey just how incredibly ill I've been.#(I have a lot of extra stickers cuz I ordered 2 sheets of 14 individuals and they sent me 5 sheets for some reason I think)#also his eyes are weird cuz I just got a new bootleg kirby in the mail and he was even more jank than the product photos promised :D#(everything else I ordered has been as pictured so far so best possible outcomes all around lol)#honestly kinda mad that improving my condition was This Friggin Easy tbh#although thank god it has finally improved.#like the med we raised is available otc and I absolutely could've raised the dose myself if I wasn't too sick to think.#(we are still adding another med once the pharmacy fills the new prescription but even this is. night and day.)
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I think about that tiktok trend where you like paint your partners eye color on your nails or make a bracelet or something with the color a lot actually
#like its so cute honestly but sometimes i wonder how hard it would actually be to like find the right color match#maybe one day... but for now probably expect oc art with this trend in it maybe š#the thing about it too is i have like dark eyes and idk if ive ever seen like a dark brown nail polish. beads or thread yeah but ya#oh nvm i googled. it exists i just dont pay attention ig#OH you know what i can do... i can paint pepperonis eye color on my nails.... my baby... my kitty......#dude it feels like 5 am why is it only 2#amyways. 4 monsters was a big mistake i think... i feel quite icky...#it doesnt help i didnt eat for a majority of the day it was just monster. im really unhealthy. need water maybe#wait i was talking about nail polish how did i get here#i just want to actually do cute couple things. i must heal. im gonna be so healthy.#its fine. lmao. i just know im not ready#oh i did eat btw dont worry lmao i had. chicken nuggets#i actually have to eat more bc i need to gain back some weight or they wont let me donate plasma#my extra pokemon money..... nawr...#i dropped like 10 pounds. my current job is very physical. lots of scuttling around.#i thought about working out too? i had a short phase last year in like spring or something where i started doing workout type stuff#so like.. maybe. probably should. healtly mindset shit yk#i also maybe want some more clothes. like update my wardrobe a bit. really figure out my style.#like some cool shirts and maybe pants. cause i wear a lot of the same stuff#also again. dropped weight so. need better fitting pants.....#i want more mens pants. big pockets... gender....#anyways. nice chatting with you besties. love you guys my silly little tumblr besties.#some of you that follow this sideblog have supported me on here for a while. i see you. i appreciate you. thank you š#genuinely there are names that pop up and im like !! hello!!! its you!!!!!#you guys probably know who you are. go get yourself a little treat you deserve it. or like. idk what you enjoy.#play a good game. watch your favorite show. idk. be happy. love yourself.#this also goes out to those of you who are more passive on my blog. i appreciate you too!! thank you!#all my little tumblr followers.... my besties..... unles you are a bot i havent cleared out lmao#k i might have to go to bed idk im tired well see
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youtube
hai guys :3
#my video lol#my audio lol#vocaloid cover#synthv cover#synthesizer v cover#genbu#genbu synthv#evil food eater conchita#i am forcing everyone to look at this. look at my guy ehehehhkjnjkhgmlb AFTER TWO WHOLE ASS YEARS FINALLY#i couldve probably put more effort into this but ITS BEEN IN HERE FOR 2 YEARS i wanna be done w/ it already š#so regardless if it kinda sucks a little bit; its wayyy better than the covers i made like ~4? years ago when i was first starting out#was the iku drawing i posted before this foreshadowing?? not necessarily but its rly funny to think abt in hindsight#also rip genbu in a dress that i was gonna draw for this originally šāļø i'd really love to draw more stuff for these covers i make#but it usually never comes out the way i want it to and i figure editing some sorta visualizer like this is better#than keeping some things trapped in my files for so long purely bc my extra ass wants a cool pv. some day maybe but not now#some sick fuck unsubscribed from me after i posted this BYE BITCH i dont miss you at all. live laugh love genbu in this house /j#im not the most obnoxious genbu stan i'd say but you WILL respect him in my house i do not tolerate genbu slander i love that man your hono#yes im extremely based bc he (and eleanor) were THE very first vsynths i ever actually fucked around w/ programwise#but WHATEVER!! idc he is so dear to me i do not regret buying his full version at all (it was impulsive)#the only synth i'd actually consider myself kinda good at tuning LMAO ik people hate how he sounds and have issues w/ him but not me...#these tags are too long girl stfu. anyways tldr; look at silly thang i made w/ my silly man#i love genbu and i love songs about cannibalism <3#Youtube
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I just made the best hummus. A trick lets you boil dried chickpeas to nearly mush in 20 minutes, and it's the smoothest hummus ever.
Here's the recipe:
#I decided to start posting some recipes once in a while#I figured people would like an unbiased recommendation for recipes that have been tested by a real person#I probably won't post food all the time and will still mainly stick to my geeky stuff#hope this helps someone enjoy some great hummus#my husband called it yummus#food#recipe#recipe recommendation#hummus#basic hummus#cooking from scratch#genuis recipe#yummus#the extra virgin olive oil on top is a must#eat it with soft pita#I've never thought of hummus as indulgent until now#eat it when it's still warm#do it#there's a recipe video too that's very helpful
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baking never feels more like science to me than when i'm trying to cobble together an intricate multi step recipe together from several different recipes and tutorials online because the recipe I'm imagining doesn't exist....
#genuinely feels like a science experiment making something fancier than a frosted layer cake#have to do all kinds of volume and weight conversions because one recipe is japanese and the other is indian and the other is english lmfao#none of the recipes are probably the exact volume I need so i might have to make some minis with my extra stuff#i have to find a very precise sheet pan size tomorrow for the patterned cake i'm gonna use as the outer bit#otherwise i'll have to make my own from parchment paper??? or tin foil??? man idk.....#i had to write out all of my instructions and ingredient lists so i don't have to go between 6 different websites tomorrow/sat#i had to do research on fucking. gelatine šbecause it's impossible to find gelatine sheets here and they're used in EVERY mousse recipe#and there's apparently a huge debate on what the ACTUAL conversion of sheet gelatine to powdered gelatine is for baking#I also had to type up like an exact order to make each component because most need a significant amount of cooling time#grayson im gonna try my hardest to make you this fancy ass lemon cake and i pray i succeed this time where i failed on my own birthday#2 yrs ago but also i think this will go better bc i'm not doing a jelly insert or a candied mirror glaze#I'm also making my own candied lemons and lemon curd even though i don't have to#mostly because i wanna try doing it and the sheer power of getting to say i made the whole thing from scratch *#minus the actual cake mix because i don't have a good from scratch cake track record and box mixes are so so reliable#and i have too many moving parts to worry about finding a new cake recipe#every fucking cake recipe now is a fucking genoise sponge for SOME REASON#which is NOTORIOUSLY DIFFICULT AND A HUGE PAIN IN THE ASS BECAUSE IT USES NO RISING AGENTS#i want to throttle whoever it was that made online recipe people turn to only using variations of a genoise sponge for their cake recipes#honestly i need to maybe join the baking subreddit and ask for some good old baking/cookbooks with reliable baking recipes#ones that aren't crazy labor intensive for fucks sake i'm not a french patisserie#my stuff#it would be cool to one day have baked enough and have enough know how of how standard baking recipe components work#so i can just come up with my own recipes on my own#and just use whatever flavors i want#i feel like i would enjoy being a baker except if i had to make wedding cakes
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The problem I'm having with one of my stories is that it is compelling - but not clicking.
It's a sephiroth gets reincarnated into mdzs. Straightforward. I've got several branching paths: lwj, jc, nmj (my personal fave) and the jade twins (one mind in two bodies). All five of them have great potential, but for some reason my heart is set on sephiroth!lwj, because the aesthetic is sublime.
But! It's! Not! Working!
My main problems are a) despite similar surfaces, sephiroth has fundamentally different morals and life experiences to lwj and lwjs morals are a huge part of his and wwx's stories. B) I can't NOT have wangxian. I don't ship often at all, but when I do I'm pretty set on it lol. I don't want to deny soulmates. Unfortunately I HATE writing romance. C) I do not think sephiroth should be in any sort of romantic relationship at all nor can I see him wanting one. I've read tons of fics where he is in relationships (healthy or otherwise) and they're amazing, yes, but... Under my pen it's just not in the cards. And I do feel pairing him with wwx would just amplify wwx's worst traits, which is the opposite of what lwj does for him.
Everything's in conflict, but the lure of sephiroths second childhood in strict gusu and his complicated feelings about it, wwx being a perfect mix of all his important people with a spine of steel and righteousness that they all lost as everything fell apart, the relationship between sephiroth and his new mother, and how he'd inexplicably lose her too, the white on white aesthetic, the older identical brother, the cruel angels aesthetic with the benevolent demon, the angst of wwx's defection and death, his relationship with qi as a planet's overflowing life force, the tragedy of the mourning angel, monster x monster.... It calls to me.
But there's also the way wwx becoming a demonic cultivator was so vital to winning the war, and the way that affected things, gave him a legitimacy. Involve the silver soldier, and well. Everything else becomes a little extraneous lol. And sephiroth himself is such a big mover and shaker, I don't know what I could do to manage that without wiping out 80% of the remaining jianghu after the burial mounds siege with sephiroth appointing himself king lmao. He's not the kind of person to make small ripples, you know?
And I'd love a twin jades au to sort of turn the chaos inwards a bit (nmj and jgy would be Excellent foils) but again, I can't separate wangxian and imagining scenes feels a bit too close to incest for my tastes, even when it's ONE PERSON in identical bodies!
It's frustrating, wanting to write a non romance fic set in a love story lol. I just. I hate writing romance. But wangxian just don't want to be parted.
But the image of lwj in the xuanwu cave secretly covering a feverish wwx with his wing, only to notice a handful of white feathers pushing through the black as he unknowingly becomes a better person through showing care for other people, shaking his own deep belief that he is a horrible irredeemable creature incapable of love. Caught in an act of love. Hnggh.
Any ideas?!
#It's so frustrating because the block is on my end it's less so an issue with the actual plot#I know people love crossover character reincarnations even in canon soulmates (my other fics have shown me that lol) but wangxian feels lik#Too much? Idk I don't. Want to try and create a relationship#If you don't know in ff7 wing colour is determined by their morality. As a kid sephiroth was symbolised with white feathers#But as he grew older and later snapped he got the iconic black wing. I see it more as a 'what do they perceive themselves as' which#Gets extra angst points for unreliable narration and blindly righteous vs self loathing vs healing vs denial#The wing probably shouldn't be in the fic it's from the j cells and a symptom of insanity but ehhh it's too cool and symbolic#Like there's so much you can do with seph!lwj. Burning nibelheim vs cr burning. Prodigy on a lonely pedestal. Strict gusu vs sterile shinra#Having a mother but being restricted from her and losing her anyway and nobody telling him anything because he's a little kid#Angel x demon aesthetic on the battlefield. Safer mode HAS to make an appearance I don't make the rules (it's way too underrated ToT)#Wwx would get horns and fangs and stuff to balance it out lol. Noncon bodmod from the energy coursing through you#I feel he'd relate. Lwj being utterly terrified of wwx mentally degrading from the resentment and being forced to watch him ruin himself#Lwj seeing the best of all the people he loved in wwx and seeing him be so genuinely relentlessly GOOD where they fell apart.#Him being terrified of his own overwhelming feelings hurting wwx like cloud. The possessiveness and simultaneous avoidance#Him being even less easily flustered XD. Wwx has a high bar to top some fans from his last life.#Bb lwj getting really stubborn over wanting a stupid big sword and then growing huge enough to use it lol#Sephiroth getting a 'proper' childhood and being so unused to it he can't tell it's still not a very good one. Being doted on by his big br#mdzs#mxtx mdzs#mdzs fanfiction#mdzs fic#mo dao zu shi#lan wangji#ff7#final fantasy vii#cloud strife#final fantasy 7#sephiroth#This is working on the idea sephiroth got controlled by jenova btw the other version is beyond hope#mdzs au
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okay can we have a new rule that if you're my friend and know I struggle with rsd from adhd + you're planning on hanging out with mutual friends but specifically aren't inviting me for whatever reason. Maybe Don't Tell Me About It
#id just rather not know man. even if I cant go or dont particularly want to im going to get stung by it and it rly sucks#its a TON of extra effort i have to put in to emotionally navigate that information without overreacting and making it an issue#wait actually maybe i do need to sit down with her and explain this more explicitly. bc she probably doesnt rly know abt it#even tho ive mentioned it shes rly terrible at reading ppl and i probably dont let on much abt it anyway bc im used to dealing w it#ugh. but also its rly embarrassing to talk abt and ill have to tread so carefully to make sure it doesnt get misinterpreted. hmm#but itd be worth it if she stopped so. ill give it some thought#it makes me feel so unreal sometimes bc i cant always tell if im justifiably upset or if im 'just overreacting' so i assume the latter-#most of the time to give myself space to work thru the emotion and minimise the damage i might cause if i AM just overreacting#but then sometimes later on i realise that it was justified but its too late to bring it back up and anyway ive worked through it#and idk. theres smth self disrespectful abt it all im tired of making space all the time and never taking any up myself#im not THAT upset rn like this is a v minor thing but still. might be time to start nipping this stuff in the bud#aaanyway#im procrastinating eating bc i cooked a nice meal but now im not in the mood to eat it šš but i gotta fuel up.....#ill find smth to watch hopefully thatll do the trick#yawns so loud bye for now#.diaries
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i have planned to write a pseudo-essay or some kind of detailed look at linebeck in phantom hourglass and how he can be interpreted as autistic but thats not going very well right now so here are some autistic linebeck headcanons
He has low empathy and as such has a hard time responding very well to emotional situations, but he can take advantage of his lower empathy in situations where empathy could make things harder, like tending to wounds or rationally handling emotionally-charged situations
His coat is a comfort object and he made it specifically to act as a very slight accommodation; itās heavy and barely lets any light through it, and he can keep all kinds of little things in pockets sewn into the inner lining, but larger objects do make it more uncomfortable to wear at times. Itās mostly good to carry around things to fidget or stim with and can be helpful in trying to recover from overwhelming sensory experiences
He doesnāt usually stim in public, but taps his fingers on tables quickly and tends to rhythmically snap his fingers when excited, and on his ship is more vocal and more willing to stim, even if around others. One of his main stims that heāll do for no particular reason is that heāll hold his arm or back of his wrist/hand up to his nose and mouth for the smell.
He masks frequently to please people. His default mask is that arrogant and brave front he puts up for islanders and other he may come across. Usually, if that mask doesnāt work, he tends to double-down because it usually works and, in his experience, dropping the mask has usually gone badly (non masking heās rude and blunt but more outwardly excited about adventure and his ship and all of that, i consider it where overseas in the game is when he usually isnāt masking. this shifts his arc to be about him learning to stop masking and feel comfortable being himself)
His special interests could include stuff related to treasure hunting but it could really range from stuff about adventuring or the ocean or engineering (relating to his ship) to stuff not at all touched in the game like music. He really enjoys music, listening to it, playing it, and writing it. He also enjoys and is fascinated by shellfish.
When busy or otherwise occupied, he doesn't usually notice when he's hungry. He doesn't have as much of a problem noticing thirst or exhaustion, but feeling hunger is a problem for him, and often leads to him going a long time without eating. On the other hand, he doesn't mind eating the same thing repeatedly and is perfectly fine with blander foods, so handling food supplies for when he'll be overseas for a long time is easy for him.
He knows he's autistic, he's known for a pretty long time, and he has books on it; he also knows that Link is autistic, but doesn't say anything about it and instead waits until someone else tells him. Until (and after, I suppose) Link actually learns that he's autistic Linebeck just makes sure to keep note of what accommodations he might need and if there are any textures or tastes or smells he can't stand. He doesn't have much of a problem helping out during sensory overloads, even soon after meeting him. It's more out of understanding how it feels to not have your needs met and a sort of solidarity rather than actual friendship.
#loz#legend of zelda#phantom hourglass#linebeck#OBVIOUSLY he experiences some nasty rsd and he's a bitch about it that's like. basically canon so i didnt mention it#a lot of linebeckās autism is based and referenced off of my own with some extra additions#which is why i have an easier time writing him as autistic than link#kindness is a choice and having low or no empathy does not in any way make someone heartless but linebeck does abuse his own low empathy#to be a mean bitch with minimal emotional consequences#i think linebeck would call link a dipshit to his face and then not feel bad about it for like a few weeks until he starts caring abt him#linebeck stimming by smelling his arm is actually my main stim. its probably why i sit all fucked up bc i sometimes do it w/ my legs lol#the masking bit does kinda fuck some stuff up but i personally enjoy that take on him#one of his comfort objects is an old orange cat plushie named copernicus and if you know what that is specifically from thank you im sorry#linebeck being way into music has no canon backup i just like the idea of him playing piano and composing some form of his own theme#piano is a mad sensory experience btw i dont yet know how to really play it but when i did keyboard in pit it was a fantastic feeling#bangin' out the tunes. it was a really good sort of stim if i was feeling a bit overwhelmed by all of the new tech and music too#salty talks#not entirely an autism headcanon but he thinks gender is a sham and less identifies as a man and more specifically considers#his gender identity to be 'real man of the sea' which is initially kinda silly but kind of a fucking gender move tbh#i dont think he's explicitly trans or nb he's just having fun fucking with his own gender and doing whatever he feels like doing#he isnt a man but he is a man. kind of like how im a dude but also not. yeah.#these were initally going to be call 'quick' headcanons but you can see why i uh. didn't end up going with that
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aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaauauuuuuuuuuuuuuuuhhgggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
#thoughts from hel#so basically i submitted a cover letter with some highlighted text in random colors bc i forgot to unhighlight them before submitting#(i highlight things to remember to change them for each job app but i might have to deprecate that practice after this)#and then i realized and was like oh fuck and i was like well maybe i should just own it y'know. it's me being super innovative and creative#and also since i highlight stuff to change all the highlighted texts were the most relevant parts of the cover letter anyway#but the highlighting job was messy as hell after i dragged sentences to and fro all over it while i was formulating that thing. like#the highlighting started kind of in the middle of my sentence and had extra highlighted spaces and colors n stuff it was. haphazard.#so i was like okay. i probably can't gaslight (by sending psychic vibes to the recruiter-- since it's an online form#with no direct communication between me and them whatsoever) the recruiter into reasonably thinking this highlighting job#was on purpose. so i spent a full like TWO EXTRA HOURS spiraling into ācan i submit the form twice or should i just take the L on thisā#and ultimately submitted it a second time with the fixed letter. uhhh hopefully it was the fixed one but i'm too tired to care now#part of the job description was āattention to detailā so i definitely failed that one the first time around but the recruiter#who reads (hopefully. because with how saturated the job market is now they might not even do that) my apps#had BETTER see all the fucking attention to detail i paid to making sure my decision to resubmit would be a good one#telepathically. of course. (the difference between overthinking and attention to detail is how much you are appreciated)#i literally went on so many forums and the help page for the recruiting application website thing to find out how exactly they handled#duplicate applications bro i could RECITE this shit to anyone now. fuck#time to go to sleep. tomorrow is a new day. with ten+ more companies to apply to. š
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my summer vacation is gonna be WILDDDDD this year oh my god. First I have 2 week and a half long vacations with my dad because my brother is getting married. THEN. Iām going on a cruise with my mom and THEN at the end of summer Iām getting knee surgery because apparently I have like 3 different somewhat serious conditions going on all at once IN 1 SINGLE KNEE what the HELL MAN ššš
anyways yeah art is probably gonna be slowing down a LOT over summer and I donāt think Iāll be able to participate in artfight this year. Maybe a little but if I do then Iām gonna be focusing on close friends only really LMFAO
#Yeah#so about my knee#APPARENTLY#i have a displaced kneecap. Joint dysplasia. AND hypertension caused by the displaced kneecap which means Iām gonna be needing knee surgery#Me when my genetics are FUCKED WAAAAAAAH#Iām also gonna be volunteering at a marine center for some extra service hours for school at the beginning of summer so yeah my summer#Is gonna have no room for art LMAOOOOO#Iāll try to do a good chunk of stuff though so :3!#I got a bunch of projects planned and Iāll probably slowly work on those as summer goes on#And artfight Iāll just have to find room through my vacations!#I shouldnāt be TOO inactive but I know I will be after I get surgery so yeah! Iām gonna get as much work done in advance so Iāll have stuff#To post throughout summer :3!#Anyways yeah was just feeling silly and wanted to talk Iām relatively okay and Iām not in too much pain rn as I just got my knee brace in s#Yall donāt gotta worry about me too much HEHEHE#Anyways thank you for coming to my ted talk I got a psychiatrist appointment tomorrow so bye bye :3#Cro chatter
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apparently i'm already halfway done my musicology degree??
#i wanna talk about me#between the course i did in undergrad and the frankly ridiculous number of courses i'm taking this semester#apparently i'm over halfway done already#i know the musicology portion is a smaller load than the library science portion but like#man it was weird walking into my advisor's office and him looking me in the eye and saying like 'oh you're almost done'#three courses is all i have left for a master's. Man#well i'm gonna spread those out over the next year and a half...and probably pick up an extra elective here or there while i can#cause idk man i like studying music history...even if i don't Have to i like taking the classes and learning#(esp if it's gonna be paid for by my fellowship as long as i'm still here)#well i need to figure out. how the hell to get in touch with a library science advisor now.#i emailed yesterday and haven't heard back#but i don't know what i'm doing for that degree going forward rn#other than. i guess taking 552. but i KNOW there's other specialty and elective courses i'll need to take too#and i want to take stock of what shit i'll have to take in summers too cause i know some of the courses are only offered in summer#(need to find out if any of my fellowship scholarship can go towards summer courses. i'm guessing not...)#weird. it's weird. i don't know what i'm doing here#anyway#meeting with my advisor went okay i at least know what i'm doing now re: the music stuff#didn't cry which is good but man i hate how my voice started to break more and more the longer i was in there#and when i talked about how i put too much on my plate this semester and am struggling to keep up with all the work#and he asked me if i've been reaching out to anyone for support. or if i had people to reach out to#and i just had to sit there like. uh#define. support?#i have a couple friends at least that i chat with about stuff like that sometimes but not always cause i don't want to bother them too much#but like. it's not like i can ask someone else to write a research paper For me#or it's not like i can control when my coworkers get sick and i have to cover their time in the office#and this didn't come up at all (and i'm glad for it) but jeez it's not like i can control global political conflicts!!#it's hard for me to focus on getting enough work done in small chunks of time in the best of times#let alone when my fucking hamster brain is on high alert for getting hate crimed in public if my necklace is too visible or something#idk. it's a lot man. i bit off more than i could chew this semester even before the world fell apart
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it's funny that now that i don't really have much about my body to be dysphoric about my brain makes up psychological dysphoria and it's so dumb
#''oohh only people who are attracted to men but are slightly scared of what they deem real men (not you) will be attracted to you''#''or those people AND chasers AND ppl who just see you as a curiosity to test out''#like how do i even unpack the bs my brain is throwing at me#yeah maybe some part of me believes that but the logical part of me knows it's not true#i think what's causing this is that i'm still kinda new at being stealth while passing#like yeah ive been going as leevi for the entire duration of uni and living as a man but passing regularly started happening to me after#i started t#now i only get misgendered the same amount as cis men with shoulder length hair#so like. it's happened once after starting t lmao#i think what's causing this (the psychological warfare from my brain) is the combination of stress#and me actually becoming friends with a co worker i'm not out to#listen ive been trying to hint at being trans but he was born a guy and lives as a guy so hes not very tuned out on this stuff#though his partner is nb and ive met them and they think i'm cis too which i think is hilarious bc i feel like#i'm v easy to clock for trans ppl#though idk im fagging it up quite a bit so it makes me pass extra well so#anyways#im a bit conflicted about the situation#im not going to outright tell him i think but i'm not going to hide it if it comes up#which i know i dont have to do but i want to#we'll probably go swimming together this summer so if that doesnt make him realize it hes a lost case and i dont#need to worry about it lmaoo#also i bought shorts that arent sport shorts and they looked normal on me so im literally unstoppable#but yea thank u for listening to me i just needed to ramble#leevi talks
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Y'all are gonna get Sons of The Stars (Abby's version)(from the vault) like this week at this rate aksksks
#I just redrew the wardobe and I ended up changing so of the looks a little bit so I was going in to change the appropriate-#-outfit descriptions accordingly to be accurate with the new and tbh fr final designs and now I'm just adding a whole bunch of shit aksksk#like I'm completely overhauling chazz and alexis's relationship rn like the whole last 10 chapters of their interactions have to be changed#because of something I added in during chapter 14#I wasn't planning on doing any if this extra stuff but well here we are akskskksksks#hey sustained by hate (abby's version)(from the vault) really elevated that one so you can imagine what's happening here hehehe#I love this one so much already too I can only love it more#I'm on chapter 20 and when I finish I'm probably gonna back up to the first half a little bit before I publish these updates but MAN#there's some good shit in here#abby's fanfic writer power hour#yugioh gx fanfiction
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