#and one of the femmes likes to take shots and I’m the only one that will take multiple shots with her

[cowbutchranch]

uhhhh

goin out tonight with the homies and also new homies and I decided to have a lil drinky drink bc for some reason alcohol takes multiple hours to affect me lately so uh. anyways. I make my lil drink thats at least a double, and then my nephew calls me over to help him build a desk and I end up having 3 beers with him while also bringing my lil drink.

so I’m now 3 beers and at least a shot deep and am starting to feel with nice little buzz and I will also be drinking later and playing golf ohhhhhh boy

[xzaddyzanakinx]

Not That Kind of Guy

Part Ten: Stalker!Anakin Skywalker × femme reader series

Warnings: stalking, weirdo behavior, psychotic/delusional behavior, possessive/protective, sexism/misogyny, sexual content/fantasizing, pervy behavior, panty/scent kink, mask kink (Ghostface), gaslighting/manipulation, spitting, cumplay, nude vids/pics, oral, dick piercing, spit, back shots, GEN. SMUT[Be sure to pay attention to future warnings in the series]

Info: Anakin is so annoyed with his mother. He discovers something and Ghost has plans for it. [diary entries from Ani] extremely not proofread. MDNI 18+

Diary Entry: August 16th

I thought for sure you’d kick me to the curb. But just like always, you never fail to amaze me. You like the side of me that no one else does, you like both of me, that’s a miracle if I’ve ever seen one.

I don’t even like both of me.

You chose me, for whatever reasons you might have, pure curiosity or genuine care and interest… I don’t really care. All I care about is that you chose me. You want me. Me. All of me.

You’re choosing both of me. Separately. But soon you’ll love both sides of me, you’ll love me as a whole. That’s something no one has ever given to me. No one has ever wholly loved me, partially because I’ve never shown anyone all of me, partially because I used to fail miserably at balancing the black and white of my being.

Anakin the perfect boyfriend and future husband deserves your daylight love. Ghost the purposely imperfect and probably less than sane guy deserves your midnight curiosities.

I like this. Separating myself this way, it’s more manageable. I’ve tried for years and years to just be Anakin who is always pretending to be the man of the year, but is still just a tad too… off putting.

To everyone back home, I’ll always be the strange guy who only had two friends, himself and the neighbor kid who was only such good friends with him because they grew up in close proximity.

Anakin, the weird kid who didn’t know how to smile properly.

Anakin, the creep who stared too much, not at anything inappropriate. I wasn’t leering at women or anything, it’s just creepy for people to be looked at by someone who has ‘dead eyes’ and ‘doesn’t blink enough’.

Anakin, the ‘well he’s trying’ boy. The poor little guy who brought Brianna a handful of nettles on the playground, tied together with worms. ‘He meant well! He’s trying to be nice sweetie.’

Anakin, the ‘turn out your pockets before you come inside’ kid. You come home with a dead squirrel in your hoodie pocket once and your mother will never trust you not to have another stashed somewhere.

‘hey, it’s not that I don’t think you’re great! I do! You’re just not… great for me.’

‘please don’t look at me like that, it makes me uncomfortable’

‘Get away from my yard, I know what you’re doing!’

‘Who’s cat is that? Anakin! Where did you get this?’

‘Ani, you can’t keep doing this. I can’t protect you forever!’

‘Don’t you want to have friends? A girlfriend? To grow up and have a family? Don’t you want that?’

I was always Anakin-weird as hell, psycho, town freak-Skywalker.

In your daylight love I can be Anakin-nice guy, perfect smile, warm hugs-Skywalker.

I can shove everything else into The Pit until I’m ready to put on that Ghostface mask and take off my mask of normalcy. Weird isn’t it? Putting on a mask just to take off another one?

I like it though. I really like it.

I can be normal for you. I can. I can be normal. As long as Ghost can be let out of The Pit sometimes. No more balancing on the edge for Anakin. No more hiding and pretending and suffocating myself with the act of being a person.

If I can flood Anakin with all the things I’ve learned over the years, all the knowledge I’ve stored away in my mind’s filing cabinets… then you can have the man you deserve.

You’ll just have to come to terms with the fact that once Ghost makes his appearance, your Anakin is gone until further notice.

I think you’ll do well with that. You’re already handling it swimmingly.

Diary Entry: August 17th

You left me a note of your own this morning, a question I wasn’t expecting in the slightest. When I walked into the kitchen and finally cracked open the diary you’d left laying there for me I was shocked. Absolutely and completely shocked.

‘When are you coming home?’

You’re asking Ghost to visit you? For real? I don’t even know how to react, I never thought you’d be the one requesting the company of my masked presence. I guess giving you an option, proving your feelings and your well-being mattered most to me was the right move.

Now I just have to figure out what I’m going to do. I’ll have to plan. I need to think.

I have to be so much more careful now.

Date

August 18th

This is the first time Ghost hasn’t responded when you’ve contacted him. It’s been three days of nothing. He’s not been inside your house at all, no gifts, nothing has been moved, your cat’s bowl is empty when you get home.

His absence is more unsettling that his presence.

You’re beginning to wonder if you’ve angered him by asking about his next visit, was that the wrong thing to do? Did it freak him out? Asking about his plans… did it make him uncomfortable? Or is he tired of the chase now? Now that you’re interested… is it possible he’s lost the adrenaline rush of it all and he won’t be back at all?

There’s no time to ponder or worry right now, yet here you are staring into the foggy mirror in your bathroom post-shower.

“Hey sweetheart?” Anakin’s cheery voice floated to you from under the door.

“In here!” You called out, opening the door up and wiping off the mirror, grateful to have been pulled out of your mind.

“Want help picking something out?” He asked, wrapping his arms around your middle, pressing his nose to the crown of your head to smell your freshly washed hair.

“Mmm yeah if you want.” You nodded, smiling at him in the mirror.

“You excited?” He grinned, poking your sides to hear you giggle.

“Yeah… a little bit nervous though to be honest.” You confessed.

“What? Why? They’ll like you, I have no doubts.” He said with a reassuring squeeze to your shoulders.

“I know, it’s just… what if they don’t?” You asked nervously, looking away from his intense gaze in the mirror.

“They will.” He whispered kissing your temple.

“But what if they don’t?”

“They will, but, if for some reason they don’t then they’re stupid.” He shrugged his shoulders. “But I know they will okay?”

“But Ani I’m worr-“

“Hey.” He said sharply, catching the words before they could leave your lips. “That’s enough.” He said in a softer tone.

He sighed, grabbing the hair brush from the sink countertop. He started brushing through your wet tangles, starting at the ends and working his way up.

“You’re important to me. They know that.” Anakin whispered, kissing your shoulder. “They know you’re something special, trust me. I’ve never brought anyone to meet them before.”

“Seriously?” You whipped your head around with a horrified expression on your face.

“Yeah seriously.” He nodded. “I’ve never felt like this for anyone else.” He gently directed your head back to face the mirror so he could continue brushing your hair.

“That makes it even worse!” You squeaked, slumping over against the sink, your arms crossed on the cold Formica top with your forehead rested on them.

“Why?” He asked as he sat the brush aside and placed his hand on your back, rubbing up and down the soft fabric of the towel around you.

“I’m the first girl you’re bringing home!” You said exasperatedly, “they’re gonna be expecting someone like… like super great and amazing.”

“You are super great and amazing.” He laughed, squeezing your hip and patting it gently.

“But-“

“Baby stop.” He said softly. “You’re gonna work yourself up all over nothin’. Please, just trust me okay? They’re gonna think you’re perfect.”

“Okay.” You sighed, standing back up and turning around to hug him tightly. “Alright. Let’s get ready then.”

“I’m ready.” He said gesturing to his tight grey crewneck and ripped black jeans. “All fancy and shit.”

“I wouldn’t say fancy, but I would say hot.” You grinned.

“Stop.” He chuckled, “should I go change? I can’t have you drooling over me at the dinner table with my parents.”

“No, no don’t change.” You shook your head with a giggle. “I can wait.”

“You can wait?” He gave you a devilishly toothy smile. “Wait for what darlin’? Does baby need some attention?”

He picked you up and sat you on the sink counter, giving your ass a firm squeeze. Immediately bringing one hand to your cheek, his thumb on your chin, he tilted your head to the side and hovered his lips just over your skin. Barely grazing the softness of his lips up the length of your neck to the dip beneath your ear. His free hand rubbing up and down your side, as he finally pressed a hot, open mouthed kiss to your sensitive flesh.

“My girl only waits when I say so.” He whispered, nipping your earlobe.

He nuzzled into your neck, bringing your ass to the edge of the sink with one arm, using the same hand to slip beneath your towel and travel up your abdomen. The towel fell from where it was tightly tucked at your chest, Anakin’s hand cupping your breast gently as he thumbed at your nipple.

His lips soldered to yours in a passionate caress of lips and tongues, you could taste the minty flavor of the gum he constantly chewed, the forever lingering ghost of cigarettes and the delicious savory flavor that was uniquely him.

He was so good at distracting you with his mouth on yours that he could get away with just about anything and you’d never know until it was too late. Just like now, when you heard his belt buckle clank against the bathroom tiles. You couldn’t help but smile, it was something so simple, but it was one of your favorite things.

The sound will forever be associated with every kiss, every touch, every gasp and breath he’d given you and every intimate moment to come. The jangle of his belt buckle coming loose meant falling apart in his arms, it meant love without saying it aloud.

Anakin snickered as he teased your opening with one finger, swirling it around the outside, never fully dipping inside.

“Greedy little pussy.” His deep bedroom voice never failed to conjure up a gush of slick to your already drenched cunt. “So fucking wet already.”

“Mhm.” You nodded, wiggling your hips closer to his hand or at least you tried to, Anakin held you firmly in place, tsking at your attempt.

“See? Greedy.” He chuckled but gave in anyway, finally pushing in one digit to twirl around your gummy walls while he pumped in and out slowly.

“Can’t help it.” You panted, breathing heavily despite the relief of getting what you wanted, you needed more. “Missed you Ani.”

“Oh poor thing, I missed you too.” He cooed, adding a second finger while he rolled his wrist as he thrusted his fingers deeper.

Just as you were about to speak again, the shrill sound of your phone alarm blared next to you on the counter top, making you both jump.

“Jesus! what the fuck.” He snorted, “pause baby.” He said as he reached over to turn it off and check the time.

“I’m so glad you set shit like that or else we’d never get anywhere on time.” He said with a smile. “Now, hop down and let me bend you over.”

“What we’re doing a quickie?” You teased as you did as requested, sliding off the sink and obediently bending at the waist for him.

“As much as I hate it, yes.” He sighed. “You know I like to take my time.”

He said as he rubbed his rough palm over the swell of your ass, tugging his boxers down with his other hand. He shoved his palm under your chin and tapped your cheek.

“Spit.” His voice was rough and gritty, like he he was straining, fighting not to ram himself into you right that very second.

You spit into his hand, earning a mumbled: “Atta girl.”

He slicked his cock with your saliva, stroking himself quickly with the head of his cock pressed to your entrance, pleasuring himself but just torturing you with the heat of his length.

“Ani!” You whined, pushing your hips back against him.

You’d done exactly what he wanted. The second you pushed back he rammed his cock deep inside your pulsing heat. He set a brutal pace, wrapping one arm around your chest. Your hands instinctively flew up to hold onto his muscled forearm, his grip tightened and you gasped in surprise.

“Christ Anakin.” You breathed out, your eyes wide with shock at this sudden change of pace.

He was a slow and sensual lover, he liked to take his sweet time and caress every curve and kiss every centimeter of flesh that he could reach. But this was completely different, this was pure hunger, hips snapping against your ass at a punishing pace.

His other arm came down your stomach and spread your pussy lips apart to press and pinch the little hard nub that would have you shaking beneath him.

The way he was breathing so heavily in your ear, the hot air fanning over your cheek, it only heightened the feeling. Sending goosebumps down your skin and perking up your nipples again. The sound of your wetness was loud enough to hear with each and every plunge of his cock.

“You like it like this baby?” He chuckled, “sounds like you like it.”

“Uh huh.” You nodded rapidly, gripping his arm tightly as a particularly sharp streak of lightning shot through you.

Your pussy clenched down around his cock and you closed your eyes to concentrate on the feeling the metal jewelry at the tip of his cock gave you as it stroked your insides roughly.

“Making such pretty noises,” he moaned, tilting your head back and to the side using your hair, to properly reach your mouth so he could ravage you with his tongue just as he was with his dick.

“C’mon baby, let me hear it.” He panted, sucking your lip between his teeth.

“That’s it, yeah there’s my girl.” He laughed, watching your eyes roll back until just the whites were visible. Your eyes fluttered shut as your cunt pulsed around him.

“Fuck… Fuck that’s- right there… please?” You whined, trapping his hand right where it was with your fingers digging into his wrist.

“Good manners.” He praised, licking along the length of your jaw. “Good manners baby, so proud.”

“Just like this huh?” He questioned teasingly, a smirk on his lips caught your attention in the foggy mirror. “You like the piercing don’t you baby? Feels good doesn’t it?”

“Fuck yeah.” You moaned, squeezing your eyes shut tight while you waited for him to push you over the edge. “L-love it. Don’t ever fucking take it out again.”

“Sure thing baby.” He snickered. “You ready sweetheart? Getting close aren’t you?”

“You can cum.” He said as you nodded, his forehead now resting on your shoulder as he drilled into you, rolling your clit between his finger and thumb.

The coil that had been wound tightly in your core snapped with his permission, a high pitched groan eeked out from between your gritted teeth, your cunt leaking down his shaft as he fucked you through the high.

“Lean down.” He said as he pulled out abruptly, leaving you gaping and gasping for breath.

“Perfect.” He groaned, one hand on your waist as you pressed your torso against the sink counter.

He stroked his cock wildly, his fingers digging into the plush of your waist, squeezing soothingly when his chin dropped to his chest and he stiffened up, holding his breath. All you could hear was the sound of his slick hand pumping his swollen length over your ass.

Until finally you felt the warm spurts of cum splatter on your skin, the viscous fluid dribbling down your lower spine until it slid over your ass hole.

“Fuck, that looks so damn pretty.” He breathed heavily, standing back to take in his art work.

“I should take a picture.” He whispered, kneeling behind you with a hand under each ass cheek, he licked up his own cum with a satisfied hum.

——————————————————————————

Approximately an hour after Anakin defiled you in the steamy confines of your bathroom, you were walking hand in hand into one of the nicer restaurants on the outer circle of the city. Meeting his mother terrified you, his stepfather not so much. Anakin didn’t grow up with him, he wasn’t a staple of his childhood.

But his mother was. She was a single parent, worked so incredibly hard to provide for herself and her son. She made sure he had everything he needed and then some, she was truly a saint.

“Chill out.” Anakin whispered, squeezing your hand gently. “You’re okay.”

You nodded and silently let Anakin pull you along behind the host who was leading you to the table where his mother and stepdad waited for you both.

You laid eyes on his mother first and the smile that spread across your lips was genuine. As soon as you saw her your worries started to slip into the backseat of your mind. She exuded a calming atmosphere, she seemed so serene and unbothered. What you’d give to live life like that.

You could see where Anakin got his comforting nature from, especially as she stood up and extended her hand to you. The gentle smile and warmth in the crinkle of her eyes was enough to melt your heart.

“I’m Shmi.” She introduced herself in a soft tone, looking to her side where her husband sat. “This is Cliegg, Anakin’s stepfather.” He gave you a nod and warm smile after clapping Anakin on the back in an awkward side hug.

“It’s great to meet you guys!” You chirped, introducing yourself quickly.

“You too sweetie.” Shmi smiled, moving to envelope her son in a hug.

“Hey momma.” Anakin chuckled, squishing her shorter frame in a big bear hug. “Miss ya.”

“Missed you too hon.” She said quietly, patting his chest before returning to her seat.

She gave Anakin a little smile of approval when he pulled your chair out for you to slide into, you wanted to gush about how grateful you were that she’d raised him to be such a gentleman but you got the feeling that she already knew.

The four of you engaged in a bit of small talk while looking over the menu options, you refrained from even picking up the menu, getting an odd look from Cliegg who just chuckled and shrugged his shoulders as if to say ‘suit yourself’. The waiter returned with ice water for everyone and a bottle of wine for the table, getting ready to take orders with their pad and pen at the ready.

After Anakin’s mother and her husband ordered, Shmi looked at you expectantly but you just gave her a small smile as Anakin ordered for the both of you.

“Anakin.” She chided him after the waiter left. “She’s perfectly capable of speaking for herself.”

“I know she is.” He said firmly. “But she shouldn’t have to when I’m perfectly capable of doing it for her.”

“Shmi it’s okay really.” You laughed light, knocking Anakin’s foot with your own as a warning. “I prefer it honestly. I think it’s sweet.”

She gave you an odd look, her face was soft just as it had been the whole night so far, but her eyes conveyed something that you couldn’t quite place.

“Alright sweetie.” She conceded and nodded, the look passing over her eyes just as quickly as it appeared.

Anakin’s arm slid around your waist momentarily to offer some comfort, gently squeezing your hip and tapping his thumb rhythmically while he jumped straight back into the conversation he was having with his stepdad.

“So, Anakin’s told me quite a bit about you.” Shmi said warmly. “He said you’re a waitress and you’re taking classes at the college?”

“Yeah, that’s right.” You nodded happily. “The Bluebird Diner, it’s a real great place. Anakin’s a big fan of the butterscotch pie.” You smiled.

“The college… yes I’m taking classes. They’re all going well but I’m not set on a major yet and it’s getting to be the time that I decide.” You sucked in an anxious breath, giving her a nervous look.

“Well that’s perfectly fine.” She said, surprising you with her acceptance of your unplanned career. “I dropped out after my freshman year and didn’t complete my degree until Anakin was in highschool.” She explained.

“Oh really?” You raised an eyebrow, glancing at Anakin’s side profile while he spoke to his stepfather. “Do you mind if I ask why?”

“Why I dropped out?” She asked, leaning back in her chair. “Well it was for a few reasons. Mostly because it’s difficult to work, educate yourself and raise a child alone.”

“I can imagine it would be.” You agreed with a humored smile, expecting to be met with a similar expression by Shmi.

Though you weren’t, instead she had a strange sort of reminiscent look about her. Not the fuzzy feeling of nostalgic reminiscing, more of a moment of remembering something unpleasant.

“Yes.” She nodded, “Anakin didn’t make it any easier.”

“Oh…” you furrowed your eyebrows in confusion at her sudden shift in demeanor.

It seems she noticed your body language change and she quickly corrected herself by breaking out into a smile, sitting back up straighter in her seat.

“But what kid doesn’t?” She laughed lightly, reaching out to pat your hand affectionately.

“Right,” you nodded, chalking up her strange switch up as a mother remembering her rowdy son. It must be hard, seeing him grown up and finally bringing a girl to meet her.

“So how did you two meet?” Shmi asked, turning in her seat to face you fully, giving you her full attention. “Anakin said you’re neighbors?”

“Yeah! Yeah that’s how we met officially.” You nodded.

“Officially?”

“Well we found out after we’d talked a few times that we actually met at the bar he works at.” You explained, “he made a drink for me. I thought he looked like… semi-familiar, you know it’s hard to miss the tattoos.” You smiled.

“Oh that’s very true.” Shmi laughed. “Definitely stands out.”

“Yeah, so we officially met the day he was moving in across the hall from me.”

“Oh you’re telling her about move in day?” Anakin cut in with a big grin on his face.

“Mhm.” You nodded happily, gazing at him with a hint of adoration in your eyes. “Anakin had his stuff strewn out in the hallway and I knocked over a stack of his books.” You laughed and he squeezed your shoulder lightly.

“Yeah, then we chatted for a bit and she noticed a book of mine that she’d lost her copy of, so I gave it to her. That’s how I snatched her up.” He said proudly, gesturing to you with both hands like he was presenting a trophy.

“Huh, who knew you had a little romantic streak?” Cliegg laughed.

“Oh he definitely does!” You agreed eagerly.

“Well Anakin I have to say: I’m extremely impressed you’ve found such a lovely girl.” Shmi said softly, glancing at you with those warm eyes.

“Took you long enough.” His stepdad smacked his upper arm with the back of his hand with a deep laugh.

“Hey, I was holding out for the right one.” Anakin said with a satisfied smile. “I wanted my forever girl and I found her.”

——————————————————————————

The rest of the night went smoothly, no hiccups, no awkward moments, nothing you’d worried about came to fruition. His mother was as sweet as could be and her husband definitely suited her well. All in all, you were happy to have had the opportunity to get to know them. You were proud to be the first girl worthy of meeting them and you were thrilled that they seemed to like you as much as you liked them.

“See? Told you.” Anakin whispered, walking beside you out of the restaurant.

“You were right.” You sighed. “Nothing to worry about.”

“I was what?” He fake gasped, one hand coming up to cover his mouth dramatically.

“You heard me and I’m not repeating it.” You giggled, bumping him with your shoulder.

“Good enough for me princess, I’ll take it.” He smiled, pulling you close and pressing a chaste kiss to your hair.

You said your goodbyes to Anakin’s parents just outside the entrance, a full, loving hug from Shmi and a ‘you’re great but we’re not there yet’ double hand squeeze on one of yours from his stepdad.

You’d just started walk to the car when Shmi called out to Anakin, causing you both to swivel around.

“Ani, sweetheart can you come talk for just a second?” She asked sweetly.

“Oh… yeah okay.” He nodded, handing you the car keys.

“I’ll go see what’s up baby.” He said with a soft tone, “go ahead to the car.”

You followed instructions and did exactly as he asked, climbing into the passenger seat of his car and starting it so you could listen to the radio while Anakin was gone. You didn’t think much of it, it was probably just a bit of an after dinner debrief.

Anakin jogged over to his mom and leaned against Cliegg’s truck while he climbed in, leaving just Shmi and Anakin to speak alone.

“Ani she’s a wonderful girl.” Shmi said, squeezing his arm gently.

“Yeah she is, she’s perfect isn’t she?” He gushed, his pupils widened at just the thought of you.

“Yes-“

“She’s just… everything. She’s everything to me.” He continued, picking up his mothers hand.

“Just w-“

“I mean I really believe she’s the one mom.” He squeezed her hand, running his thumb over her knuckles in an affectionate way. “Really I do, she’s perfect. I- I’m so glad you guys like her, I knew you would of course but she was just so nervous and-“

“Anakin!” Shmi said sternly, her voice quickly going back to a calm tone after getting his attention.

“Anakin, sweetie, I’m so glad you’ve found your person.” She started slowy, holding eye contact with her son’s intense gaze. “I’m proud of you, you know that don’t you?”

“Yeah of course-“

“I’m proud of you. You’re a good boy honey.” She said quietly, “she’s a sweet girl, she deserves the best.”

“Well yeah she does, of course she does and-“

“Are you being your best?” Shmi asked him, her voice turning hard, alittle sharp. “Swear to me, Anakin. Swear you are?”

“Yes mom.” He sighed as though he were expecting this conversation.

“Are you still taking your medicine? Seeing your doctor?” She asked worriedly.

“Really?” He scoffed. “Please, let’s just drop it. This was a good day, please don’t ruin it by worrying over nothing.”

“Are you though?”

“Yes!” He hissed, clenching his teeth tightly. “Yes I’m still seeing the doctor and taking the stupid pills, yes.”

“Good. Very good.” She breathed a sigh of relief at his compliance.

“Don’t ask me if she knows.” Anakin said sternly. “She doesn’t.”

“You can’t just keep that from her, she has a right to know Anakin!”

“It’s not the right time for that.” He raised his voice slightly. “She doesn’t need to know yet. I’ll tell her on my own terms.”

“But you can’t-“

“I said: I’ll tell her on my own terms.” He breathed deeply, keeping his temper in check. “Please mom, just… just be happy for me okay? I’m doing really good, I’m happy. Please just let me be happy.”

“Alright.” She sighed, nodding slowly. “You’re right. I’m sorry sweetie, I shouldn’t have questioned you like that.”

“It’s okay. I know you worry.” He mumbled, pulling her into a hug, his hand rubbing between her shoulder blades.

“I- I just so badly want you to be happy.” She said quietly. “I want you to be safe, happy, and loved. You deserve to be loved.”

“I am loved.” Anakin whispered, his voice rough, “You love me. Cliegg loves me. Owen probably loves me. I think she might love me too.”

“You think so?” She asked in a brighter tone.

“Yeah, I do.” He nodded, pulling back with a soft smile.

Diary Entry: August 18th

I love my mother, but she worries too much. Talking to me like I’m some child to be coddled and babysat. I don’t need her or anyone else to tell me what I should or shouldn’t do, especially when it comes to you, my little doe.

I know what’s best for you, for our relationship, and it’s my opinion that you don’t need to burden yourself with my past transgressions. I’m a changed man, what I did as a teenager, as a kid, has no reflection on who I am today.

Telling you about it is out of the question. At least for now… but, it’d probably be for the best to never, ever speak of it. I just don’t see the point in sharing something like that with you when it would cause your pretty little head to worry over something so irrelevant to the present.

Not to mention the stupid fucking doctor. It was ridiculous, asking me such a personal question when she knows very well that it upsets me when she interrogates me like that. It’s none of her business anymore, I’m not a child, I can take care of myself.

If anything, her questioning and distrust makes me want to do it even less just to prove that I can live without it.

I don’t need to see a fucking shrink if I’m taking the pills right? It’s overkill to do both. I don’t need to talk about my feelings, I don’t need to tell a stranger all about my past and the questionable things I’ve done. That’s why I have a journal and I think it suits me just fine.

Just another reason why I love you so much. You’ve helped me by getting me into writing stuff down instead of keeping it bottled up. You’re responsible for the thing that helps keep me from spiraling, you should be so proud of yourself, showing me this A+ coping skill.

It’s way better than: ‘Breathe in… breathe out… focus on your surroundings and count the things you can see and feel.’

Like what the hell is that? What’s that supposed to do? Distract me? Yeah right.

It can’t distract me from what’s going on in my head. Not when it’s so much all at once, all the time. It was exhausting to pretend that something like that was working for me. Journaling is so much better. So much easier.

It’s real and it’s tangible. I can flip through the pages and return to the good things, or I can skip over the bad stuff but take comfort in knowing that I was able to write it down.

So fuck the shrink, I’m not going back. I haven’t been in months and I’m doing perfectly fine.

Diary Entry: August 20th

I cannot for the life of me figure out what the hell I’m going to do. I’m grasping at straws here, trying to figure out how to handle the Ghost situation.

I can tell you’re getting annoyed.

How am I supposed to respond? I know it’s been days but I can’t bring myself to answer the texts, the notes, the questions shouted into your otherwise empty home.

Hopefully you’ll understand, though I acknowledge that you have every reason to be upset with me. I’m assuming you’re feeling some sort of betrayal after the letter… I hate that. I really hate it. But it’s unavoidable.

You responded extremely well to my offer and the opportunity for a choice. So I’ll just do that again. That sounds reasonable, I’ll give a bit of an explanation, little apology and then I’ll let you choose what happens next.

This is what happens when I don’t fully plan ahead. I fuck things up and then it’s just a gommed up mess.

Then the whole situation with my mother really threw me off. It just added another layer of ‘what the hell’ to my already high stack of self imposed problems.

I want to do something. I need to do something. I have shit to get off my chest.

Date

August 22nd

Finally, finally Ghost has gotten back in contact with you.

Now that the little grey envelope is sitting on your nightstand… you almost don’t want to open it. After all the silence on his end it’s impossible to guess what he has to say. Though as you’re convincing yourself not to open it, it’s found it’s way into your hand.

LETTER

Little Doe,

My absence was unexpected for you as well as myself, for that I apologize. I would go into detail if I could but unfortunately we both know that I can’t do that.

Let’s just say that my life got a bit complicated and I had to take a moment to iron things out. Now that everything is starched and pressed it’ll be back to business as usual.

While I was gone I took some time to consider your question as well. So I’ll match you with a question of my own.

I’ve been… stressed to say the very least. I don’t like to be destructive, I’m not that kind of guy. So I was wondering if you’d help me out, give me a bit of an alternative rage release?

Don’t lie, I know you’re curious. I know you want me just as badly as I want you. I bet you’re wet just reading this, aren’t you? I think it’s high time for you to be conscious enough to really enjoy everything I’m giving you. Don’t you agree?

I heard you like it rough. Is that true princess? I’ll give you rough, just say the word and I’ll make sure you’ve got marks that’ll last for weeks.

Next half of the question: here or elsewhere?

You sure do love to show off that little body of yours. I wonder if that would translate over into your sex life if you’d let it.

Your choice little doe.

——————————————————————————

‘He did not just ask me that… did he?’

You stared at the letter in your hands, your mind going well over the speed limit on the road to rational thinking. It was tempting, oh so very tempting. He’s right of course, he always is, you are curious. You do want him, maybe even need him.

It’s obvious he’s more than capable of giving you what you needed, what you wanted. The man had you feigning for him for weeks with no relief, all from teasing you, all while you were unaware.

It would be… interesting to see for yourself in the waking world what he’s done to you in dreamland. It’s alright if it’s for research purposes isn’t it? Is it really cheating if you don’t know the person at all, his identity is a complete mystery; that should count for something right?

Just a smidgen of a mitigating factor would be enough to sway you to say yes.

“Hey.” You called out, waving your hand as if he were there with you and you were trying to get his attention. “You listening?”

*Ping* a text came through almost immediately: ‘Always.’

“You’re serious about this?” You asked, holding the stationary in one hand, gesturing to it with your other.

‘I’m always serious.’

“Right.” You sighed, pulling your legs up to sit cross-legged. “I don’t think this would be very kind of me to do. I just met Anakin’s mother, our relationship is getting serious.”

‘Congrats. What does that have to do with my need to fuck you?’

“Uh everything.” You scoffed. “That’s cheating. I don’t want to cheat on him!”

‘Defensive are we?’

“Yes,” you hissed, scrubbing your forehead with the palm of your hand, “very defensive for good reason.”

‘I admire your loyalty, but be honest with yourself little doe.’

“I am being honest! I don’t want to cheat on him!” You shouted back.

‘You didn’t say that you didn’t want me to fuck your though.’

“Christ.” You mumbled, pinching the bridge of your nose.

“I didn’t say that. You’re right.” You conceded.

‘Then it’s a yes?’

“Not necessarily.” You snapped, the true answer was right there, clawing away in the cage of your teeth.

‘So no then.’

“That’s not what I said.” You said hastily, alittle too eager to correct him.

‘I see.’

“What?” You scoffed, staring at the message that’d popped up.

Another followed, this time a voice message. You hesitated before pressing play, holding your phon up to your ear to hear it clearly. His gravely distorted voice washed over you in all its unholy temptation.

“Don’t worry little doe. I know just what you need.” He paused for a moment as if considering something, “It’s been a while since you’ve had a night out. Go have some fun, I’ll catch up with you.”

“Oh no. Absolutely not. You’re not knocking me out cold again.” You said angrily.

‘Of course not. I want you to be awake for this.’

“Then… then why do you want me to go to the bar?” You asked suspiciously.

‘Surprise :)’

“Fuck.” You muttered, rubbing your temples before picking up your phone to message Luke and Han, as well as your good friend from book club.

“Just to be perfectly clear: I’m not saying yes!” You said, looking around the room with a red tint to your cheeks.

‘Not a no either.’

You could practically hear his voice, that teasing tone you knew all too well. What an ass, a stupid sexy ass.

DATE

August 24th

“Oh look at you princess.” Anakin whistled wrapping his arms around your waist when you walked out of your bedroom in a sweet little pink dress.

“Pretty, pretty girl.” He mumbled and he nuzzled into your hair, taking a deep breath to smell the scent of your shampoo.

“Oh hush,” you giggled, feeling a blush creep up your cheeks. “can’t be saying stuff like that, you’re gonna get me all flustered.”

“What if I want you to be all flustered?” He chuckled, tipping your head back to capture your lips and invade your mouth with a gentle caress of his tongue.

“Mmm taste as good as you look baby.” He whispered, his words fanning over your bottom lip and straight down to your core.

“Anakin…” you whined, looking up at him and wishing for mercy.

“Shhh don’t whine.” He laughed, pinching your chin between his forefinger and thumb. “I’ll quit teasin’… for now.”

“But you do look gorgeous you know?” He said sincerely, very lightly touching your cheek so as not to mess up your makeup.

“Thank you Ani.” You said shyly, leaning up on your tip toes to kiss his nose.

“So what’s the plan again? Dinner at that one Thai place you like? Then you’re going to the bar?” He asked, leaning back against the kitchen counter, his hands resting on the countertop at his sides.

“Yep that’s the plan.” You nodded, checking your bag to ensure you had everything you needed.

“Call me when you get there? You’re walking aren’t you?” He asked, looking at you with a gaze of concern that warmed your heart.

“Yes I’m walking and yes I will call when I get to the restaurant and I’ll text when I’m leaving.” You promised, tossing your mini backpack over your shoulder and giving him a hug and soft kiss.

“Alright sweetheart, I’ll see you at the bar.” He said in a low tone, smoothing out your hair as he held you close for a moment longer.

You left your home and Anakin behind, trotting down the steps to the city streets below. A walk would be good for you, plenty of time to think and plenty of time to clear your head of those thoughts before you reach your destination.

——————————————————————————

Diary Entry: August 24th

I’m so excited. I don’t think I’ve ever been this excited to do something for you.

I know it’s a bit presumptuous, but I think I know you fairly well and if you’re reading those nasty, raunchy books on your bookshelf… well I think it’s safe to say you might be interested in some of it for yourself right? You already think a man in a Ghostface mask with a knife is sexy.

I’m gonna give you what I think you like. I know I will love it. I’ve been wanting to do this for a long time but I was always alittle too chicken to do it. Even before we started dating, before you knew about Ghost. It’s been a fantasy of mine that I’ve thought of way more often than I’ll ever admit.

But now I have your unspoken permission, well at least your non-denial of it. Which isn’t technically consent but who cares; it’s been so blurred between us already.

Honestly its super comforting the way that you so vehemently defend our relationship. I’ve never had someone go to bat for me like that before, it’s endearing. It makes me feel cared for, loved, needed.

I know it’s hypocritical, trust me I know that; but it does kind of get on my nerves as well. I want you to say yes and say it enthusiastically to Ghost. At the same time I want you to scream and kick and tell him to fuck off.

Being jealous of both sides of myself is frankly quite exhausting. I don’t know what I want other than you. I just want you. I want you to want both of me and you do, but that’s also a problem.

You think I’m two separate people and that makes me a tad worried.

The only comfort it brings me is that you aren’t enthusiastically saying yes. You’re denying the truth of course, we both know that. But you’re also keeping some loyalty to our relationship and for that I am so eternally grateful.

I love the way you love me even if you haven’t said it aloud just yet. You will soon.

——————————————————————————

Your group of friends were gathered outside the restaurant, as the last one to arrive, you of course received a light dose of good natured insults and chiding.

“There she is!” Your best girl friend Sam yelled, pointing you out to Luke and Han as you walked up the sidewalk.

“Finally! I’m starving!” Luke sighed liked he’d been waiting hours, according to your phone you were still two minutes early.

“Shut up and let’s get some food.” You snorted, pushing him through the door and into the yummy little Thai place.

After getting settled into your cozy corner booth you placed your orders and slipping into the familiar routine of gossiping and story swapping.

“How did meeting the parents go?” Luke asked, propping his chin up on the heel of his hand, his fingers drumming along his cheek.

“It went so smooth and oh my god his mom is so sweet.” You said, leaning forward in your seat.

“I was so worried they wouldn’t like me, but I think they did. Anakin said they did, I mean they really seemed to at least.” You nodded.

“Oh I’m sure they loved you. You’re the perfect girl to bring home to the parents. You’re the whole package.” Sam smiled warmly.

“You’re too sweet, giving me way too much credit.” You sighed, your smile faltering slightly.

“Anyway… yeah his mom was great. I think she was just alittle worried you know? I’m the first girl he’s brought to meet them so I feel like there was a bit of worry there at the beginning.” You explained, talking with your hands.

“She was talking about him as a kid and she just looked so… sad I guess?” You sighed, trying to find a better word to describe it but came up short. “So I think maybe she was just sad about him growing up, finally finding someone he wants to be serious with.”

“That’s so sweet.” Sam said, squeezing your hand. “I didn’t realize you were the first girl he’d brought them.”

“Yeah,” you nodded proudly. “He said he was waiting for the right one.”

“Ew that’s so gross.” Luke gagged.

“Fuck off.” You tossed a good natured insult at him, rolling your eyes despite feeling an immense sense of accomplishment… maybe a hint of guilt there too.

After the meal was finished, you all walked together out of the restaurant and set out on foot toward The Cerulean. A leisurely pace was set by Han and Luke who were happily at the head of the group while you and Sam hung back just a few steps behind.

“So he’s gonna be here tonight?” Sam asked curiously.

“Oh, yeah but he’s working though.” You said.

“Wait really?” She asked in surprise. “That doesn’t bother you?”

“Why would that bother me? If anything it’s comforting.” You scoffed.

“Well he’s like… he’s just there you know? Not participating he’s just gonna be watching.” She made a displeased face.

“Trust me, I have no qualms with being… looked out for.” You smirked.

“So you don’t mind that he’s going to be watching you the whole night?”

“No, I don’t.” You shrugged, walking the through the door as Luke held it open for the two of you to enter.

You broke off from your friends in search of Anakin, you spotted him behind the bar, animatedly speaking with a coworker that you vaguely remember Anakin referring to as ‘Trev’.

It was like you had some sort of homing beacon, Anakin immediately whipped his head toward you and beckoned you over with two fingers. He trotted around the bar to meet you halfway, sliding his arms around your waist to pull you flush against his chest, pressing his lips to the top of your head.

“How was dinner, pretty girl?” He asked, his voice low and smooth.

“It was good!” You chirped, squeezing him tightly again before he let you go. “Told them allllll about meeting your parents.”

“Good things only I hope?” He laughed.

“Of course. Good things only, always.” You nodded with a big smile.

“It’s not nearly as busy in here as usual.” You observed, scanning the large space and noticing a much lower head count than the times you’ve been here before.

“Oh I know,” Anakin nodded, “there’s some kind of opening anniversary for a pub downtown. Free beer or something like that.” He shrugged.

“Huh, well I’ll have to tell Han.” You said.

“Mhm yeah I’m sure he’d enjoy it.” He agreed, “you going too?”

“No, I’m going home when I leave here.” You shook your head.

“Alright baby, listen, I gotta go back.” He nodded toward the bar. “You know where to find me.”

With that he gave you a chaste kiss to the forehead and quickly walked back behind the counter, stealing a drink order right from under Trevor’s nose as he slid in front of him, you heard him snicker and the *thwap* of a towel snapping against his leg in retaliation as you walked back to your friends.

You spotted them off to the corner, Sam speaking with a shorter man you’d never seen before. You snuck behind her with a cheeky grin and tugged a lock of her hair gently as you passed by, she was unfazed, simply giving you a pink cheeked smile.

“Hey Han,” you called out to get his attention as you drew closer, his head following the sound until he saw you. “You know there’s a bar even going on downtown tonight?” You asked, coming to a stop just in front of him.

“Yeah, it’s at The Drunken Horseman.” He nodded, “I think a few of the guys were headed out there actually. Free beer.”

“W-well why didn’t you go?” You asked in confusion, knowing he wouldn’t have just passed it up for no reason.

“Cause a little lady I know likes it better here.” He grinned, tapping your forehead with his pointer finger.

“Aw, you didn’t have to do that Han.” You said, feeling a bit guilty. “You should’ve said something!”

“Whoa, don’t get all riled up. I don’t mind it at all.” He reassured you. “I can still do plenty of people watching from right here.” He said, knocking his knuckles against the table top he leaned against.

He waved his hand over to the left, your eyes following the gesture until your gaze was met with a younger guy, unapologetically and unsuccessfully trying to speak to a group of girls despite being seemingly incredibly wasted.

“I guess that’s true.” You laughed lightly, the pull of guilt still tugging at your guts.

“Listen, after we’re done here you should go!” You encouraged, “I don’t want to be the reason you don’t get to do something that you wanna do.”

“Babes it’s no big deal.” Luke said, popping out from his seat behind Han’s massive frame. “I think we planned on skipping out a bit early to do exactly that.”

“Really?” You sighed in relief. “Good, I’m glad.”

“We did?” Han asked, looking over his shoulder.

“Uh yes, we had a whole conversation about this yesterday you oaf.” Luke scoffed.

“Oaf?” Han let out a loud, bellowing laugh at Luke’s poor attempt at an insult, making a little smile creep up the corner of your lips as well.

——————————————————————————

You decided collectively to call it a night just a little before 11:00pm so that Luke and Han could still catch Han’s group of friends at The Drunken Horseman. You said your goodbyes to them at the door and turned to face Sam after watching them leave.

“Are you positive you’re okay with walking home alone?” She asked you worriedly, “like absolutely positive?”

“Yes, I’m absolutely positive.” You said with an appreciative smile. “I’ll be fine. I’ll text you when I get home.”

“Okay.” She nodded, satisfied with your answer.

“You better do the same.” You said, catching her arm as she started to leave with the man she’d been chatting with all night.

“I will,” she signaled for him to wait while she got up close to whisper to you, “I looked him up when I went to the bathroom earlier. Arrest records and everything.”

“Good.” You grinned. “Have fun then.”

You spun on your heel to find Anakin and tell him goodbye, heading straight to the bar and catching him in another conversation. This time with a female patron that you’d seen before.

“I don’t understand.” She scoffed.

“What don’t you understand?” He scowled.

“I just don’t get why you’re mean to me!” She huffed. “I come in here all the time and I’m always nice to you, yet you’re an ass every time I speak to you!”

“Then stop speaking to me.” He said flatly, pretending to inspect a glass that he was drying.

“I should report you to management.”

“Please do.” Anakin shot back.

“They’ll fire you, for being rude to customers.” She threatened, crossing her arms.

“They’ll ban you, for harassing employees.” He snorted.

“God. You’re ridiculous, I asked you out one time-“

“Yeah and it was one time too many.” He snapped at her.

“I have a beautiful, wonderful, amazing girlfriend.” He said sternly. “She is my everything and you, are nothing.”

“Like she’s-“

“Listen. Even if I didn’t have a girlfriend I wouldn’t go after a whore with loud ass mouth like you.” He snarled. “Leave. I’m banning you myself.”

“You can’t do that!” She yelled

“He can’t do what?” His coworker Trevor came over quickly after hearing her shout at Anakin.

“He- he’s trying to ban me.” She said angrily.

“What did you do?” Trevor asked the girl and looked over at Anakin.

“Nothing! I was just trying to order a drink and he called me a whore!”

“I did call her a whore.” Anakin willingly admitted with zero remorse.

“Wait is this the one?” Trevor asked.

“Yeah, she’s been bugging me, Jason and Stevie for the last few weeks. Comes in every now and again and won’t take a fucking hint from any of us.” Anakin grunted as he glanced over at her.

“That’s not true I w-“

“Nope. That’s enough.” Trevor said, obviously irritated, he pulled out his phone and snapped a picture of her.

“Hey you can’t do that!” She shouted trying to grab his phone.

“You’re going on the wall honey.” He said, thumbing over his shoulder at a cork board of banned patrons.

“You’re serious?” She scoffed, “you can’t be serious.”

“Deadly. Now get out.” Trevor barked, following her angry path across the bar to ensure that she did in fact leave.

“Baby?” Anakin’s voice snapped you out of your thoughts and you realized you’d been standing there with your mouth open as he tapped the underside of your chin.

“Anakin you didn’t tell me it was that bad.” You said, eyebrows furrowed as you looked up at him, now standing in front of you.

“Ah.” He grumbled.

“I didn’t want to worry you sweetheart.” He said softly, taking both your hands in his. “She’s not coming back now so nothin’ to worry yourself over.” He said with a reassuring smile.

“That’s just awful though. She was doing that to three of you?” You asked in disgust.

“Yeah.” He sighed. “Doesn’t happen often. Usually it’s April and Jess who get the creeps but every now and again there’s a girl who does it.”

“How much did you hear baby?” He asked, pushing hair from your face and holding your cheek.

“Just the tail end of it.” You lied.

“You know I’d never even entertain something like that don’t you, princess?” He asked, lines of worry etching into his forehead, “Never, I’d never even breathe in the direction of another woman.”

“I know.” You said with a small smile, you were being truthful. There wasn’t a doubt in your mind about his faithfulness, especially now after witnessing him tear into a girl over it.

“I know I have nothing to worry about.” You said, giving his hands a squeeze.

You might not, but Anakin does. Anakin does have to worry about your faithfulness whether he knows it or not; there’s a Ghost haunting every corner of your life that has no plans on leaving anytime soon.

“Good.” He said with a warm smile, pulling you into a hug. “Are you leaving?” He asked, pulling g back slightly.

“Yeah I’m headed home now.” You nodded.

“Alright pretty girl.” He said, kissing your forehead. “Be good. I’ll see you tomorrow. Text me when you get home?”

“Of course.” You nodded with a big smile that faded as soon as you turned around to leave.

——————————————————————————

“I saw your girl leaving, you headed out now?” Trevor asked Anakin as he was untying his apron.

“Yep, I’m leaving too.” Anakin nodded, folding the apron and tucking it under the counter. “Unless you need me to stay?”

“Thanks for coming in to help out man.” Trevor said, clapping him on the back. “We got it from here.”

“No problem, you know I don’t mind.” Anakin said, grabbing his wallet and keys. “See ya.”

Anakin left hastily stopping at his car in the back parking lot to grab his essentials. He checked his phone and saw that you’d made an unexpected stop at the little corner store for what he assumed was a snack.

“Perfect.” He grinned, tossing his hoodie over his head and switching out his shoes.

He tucked his mask under his arm and hopped into his car, parking it up the road a bit closer to where you were, just to get it out of his work parking lot. He jumped out, locked it and slipped into the nearest alley. He grumbled but hopped the fence at the end and continued down until he hit the opposite street, running parallel to the one you’d be taking.

“One… two… three… four… there.” He mumbled to himself as he passed by alleys between buildings until he found the one he was looking for.

This particular place was perfect for his purposes, no cameras, no foot traffic, no dumpster, a brick wall on one end and a recessed entrance to the building on the left. A building that was currently up for lease, leaving it tenant free. He scaled the short brick wall on his side of the alley, using the dumpster there as a boost.

Anakin’s sneakers hit the pavement with a satisfying noise when he dropped down from above. He tugged on his gloves and mask, hitting the side button on the voice box while he walked up the alleyway, his phone in his hand.

Your little blue dot was quickly approaching and his adrenaline was running high. His body practically vibrating in anticipation of what he was about to do, with your footsteps in audible range he tucked his phone away and bunched up a black handkerchief in the palm of his leather glove.

Your long shadow came into view, the lamppost casting it down on the side walk below. It shortened with each step you took. Seeing no shadow behind you, no other footsteps, Anakin knew it was safe to enact his plan.

The very second you came into view he lunged forward, clapping his hand with the bandanna in it over your mouth. Instinctively you parted your lips to scream, allowing him to shove the fabric in your mouth as he dragged you by waist and under your arms as you kicked and thrashed.

Part Eleven

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THE TAGS LIST IS FULL! But if you want to be tagged I will comment ur username for you. Love you all so many.

[leahsgirl]

Hiii! Can you please do an angst with a happy ending for Alessia Russo x reader? Like r doesn't think something is big of a deal but for Alessia it is and they argue and r is in the doghouse but can you please make it a happy ending?

spin the bottle | alessia russo x reader

based after the england vs scotland game for the olympics qualifiers, let’s imagine leah wasn’t still injured 🤗

—

You didn’t win. Despite the six goals your team scored. Your hopes of heading to the olympics and playing for your country was out the window.

In light of this event, you and the squad decided to deal with the loss in what felt like the most appropriate way; get ‘pissed out your head’ drunk. Deciding to head back to Beth’s who had the biggest place.

You and Alessia made it back to your own place first of course, deciding to change out of the outfit you was wearing that screamed ‘homeless’. “Hurry up, we’re going to be late man.” shouting down the hallway as you waited for your girlfriend to finish up doing god knows what - the perks of dating a femme!

“I’m coming, i’m coming.” She turned the corner, raking a comb through her blonde locks. “Without me? you wound me Russo.” Taking notice of your crude comment, she slapped your arm while you just stayed smirking.

“What time do you call this?” Stanway was the one to answer the door when you arrived at Beth and Viv’s, you wondered how those two were coping with one of them qualifying and one just missing out.

“Blame miss ‘my hair doesn’t look right’ over here.” Nudging Alessia’s side as you remember how you watched her curse herself in the mirror for her hair not ‘staying in the right place’ a good twenty minutes before.

With being the last ones to arrive, and the get together in full swing, everyone was already in conversation with one another. Alessia offered to get you a drink which you took up as you threw yourself onto the sofa where your fellow man united teammates ella and millie sat. “Jesus christ y/n, watch the glass.” tooney shouted as you nearly spilled her vodka all over her outfit.

“My bad. What are we talking about over here anyways?” Millie proceeded to sift through her camera roll before passing you her phone, showing a picture of a hotel somewhere abroad. “Was just telling tooney here where i’m going over winter break, nice isn’t it?” Zooming in on the picture you nodded and passed the phone back. “Where is it you’re going?” Alessia having come back and handing you a beer which you take a swig of. “Croatia.”

“right whoever wants to play beer pong come on up!” Stanway was now stood on a barstool, projecting her voice through the open-plan space. How she hadn’t fallen off it you didn’t know, considering it was wobbling like mad and the brunette wasn’t completely sober at this point.

“Fancy a game?” Turning your attention to the blonde sat in your lap and watched as she nodded. you was split into two teams of four. One team consisted of you, lucy, chloe and niamh while the other was alessia, leah, lotte and beth. “oh my god, of course the arsenal clan makes up a group.” You scoffed as you saw the group line up behind one another. “Afraid you’ll lose y/n?” the england captain smirked while you dismissed her.

Leah went first, bouncing the ping-pong ball on the table for it to land in the middle cup. “Lucky shot Williamson.” You said as you pick up the drink, it was some sort of brown colour which you only assume had been a result of multiple liquids mixed together. Knocking it back down your throat your suspicions were confirmed as the taste practically made you gip.

Taking your turn, you threw the ball and watched it bounce into the far left cup. “Get in!” High-fiving Lucy making your way to the back of the line as the skipper drank the cup’s contents.

After multiple turns, your team now had one cup to take down while the other team had three. Niamh was the lucky lady who got to throw the ball, taking on none other than your girlfriend. She landed it directly in the plastic cup, your team now celebrating the win.

As the night continued so did the alcohol consumption. You could confidently say everyone in the house was at least a little tipsy. It was fun seeing everyone’s drunken personality come out. You had Lucy, Lauren j, Georgia and Rachel claiming the ‘irresponsible drunks’ title. Leah, Alessia, and Chloe the affectionate drunks. Beth, Kiera and Alex fulfilling the ‘wistful’ drunk stage, being reminiscent on their memories. You found yourself in the ‘happy drunk’ category along with the rest of the gang.

“Shit.” You say as you stumble, causing a half full beer bottle to topple over, spilling onto the wooden floor. As you looked for something to clean it with, rachel took notice and smirked. “you know what this calls for? SPIN THE BOTTLE!” With everyone in their buzzed state they didn’t oppose when daly started manoeuvring them into the lounge urging them to take a seat on the ground.

“Is this normal spin the bottle or PG version?” Keira asked which again lead to another wicked smirk form on daly’s lips. “How about every three goes there has to be a kiss.” There didn’t seem to be that much disagreement on the idea and so went ahead with it.

Daly went first off course, suspiciously landing on her bff Millie in which she dared her to down six shots of tequila one after the other. Somehow the girl managed it and props to her because you could hardly muster a single tequila shot.

The game was getting more intriguing with each turn. James took control of Charles’ instagram - posting something embarrassing onto her story, Zelem gave a quick peck to Kiera which got some wolf-whistles, Chloe had to draw something explicit onto Alex’s forehead and so on.

It was Leah’s turn next and she also so happened to the third person, meaning whoever the bottle stopped on was the lucky lady. Watching as she spun it harshly and did multiple rotations around the room, you noticed the bottle starting to slow down as it made its way to your side of the room.

“Well aren’t you the lucky one y/l/n.” The blonde said as she crawled over to you. “Bold statement Williamson, I think you’ll find it’s the other way around.” She rolled her eyes playfully before placing her hand on your neck, raking you in closer. Soft lips met your own in what was a tender kiss. The centre-back didn’t stop there though; she proceeded by tugging on your bottom lip and swiping her tongue across it. You parted your mouth which allowed the blonde to take advantage by snaking her tongue inside. You didn’t know if it was your drunken state, or the simple fact that the blonde locks in front of your face was reminding you of a certain someone, but you’d be lying if you said you wasn’t getting at least the tiniest bit turned on.

Pulling away, Leah moved back to her original spot. A shocked silence fell over the group which you thought was strange. Well, you did at first - until you saw your girlfriend get up and walk out the room with no warning.

You took your queue to follow her and called out after her. She had gone and grabbed her coat and walked out the door, shutting it in your face.

“Less? Where are you going?” You scurried to catch up with her while at the same time hopping trying to put your trainers back on your feet. “I’m going home y/n, i’ll order an uber just please leave me alone.”

“You’re seriously not mad about the kiss are you?”

Alessia let out an exasperated sigh. “You tell me y/n, maybe i’ll go and make out with one of our teammates and see how it makes you feel.” She wasn’t even looking at you while saying all this, instead typing something out on her phone.

“Oh come on, we wasn’t making out. You’re being ridiculous.” Alessia wasn’t the only one annoyed now. You was simply playing the game and just so happened to be the person the bottle stopped on, you didn’t get what the big deal was.

“Y/n you had your tongues down each other’s throats, it was more than ‘just a peck’. Last time I checked Leah isn’t your girlfriend - I am.” It was clear the forward was getting emotional with the tiny but noticeable cracks in her voice.

“Yeah exactly; i’m your girlfriend, so I don’t see what the big fuss is about. I’m not about to run off into the sunset with Williamson.” Speaking of the devil, Leah and Keira come outside and walked towards you. “Everything okay out here?”

“Just dandy! Leah can you please tell Alessia over here that our kiss didn’t mean anything.” As if realisation just sunk in Leah raised her eyebrows, “Shit sorry Less, I didn’t even think about you and y/n - but I can promise the kiss was only in fun.”

Alessia gave a halfhearted smile. “It’s okay Lee, i’m not mad at you. You are single after all.” Now turning back and glaring at you. “So you’re mad at me and not Leah? fucking hell Less I don’t know what you want from me.” Holding your hands up in the air incredulously. Kiera nudged your side clearly wanting this ordeal to be over with “Just apologise to her y/n.”

“Apologise for what?! playing the game? following the rules? She’s acting like i’ve committed a crime for pete’s sake!”

“You’re insufferable sometimes y/n, you really are. Don’t bother coming home tonight.” As if on cue, a white toyota prius came rolling up outside the house, the blonde getting into the back seat. Watching as it made a u-turn and drive off, you felt a hand on your shoulder. “Come on y/n, you can crash at mine for the night and find a way to get back into her good books.” the barcelona player offered.

You nodded and re-entered the house just to gather your belongings and say bye to everyone. It’s safe to say you found it hard to fall asleep without the warm presence next to you that you’ve become accustomed to over the last year. The alcohol effects had started to wear off and you replayed the events from earlier in your head.

Looking back you could see how you may of overreacted and got defensive a little too quick. ‘Why am I such a dickhead’ You grabbed your phone and debated texting the hurt girl but chickened out, figuring you’re the last person she wants to hear from at this very moment.

You figured the best plan of action was to wake up early and talk to Alessia and hope it will resolve the issue, shutting your eyes trying to fall into a slumber.

Making your way out the apartment at around 9am after saying thanks to Kiera you headed to the local corner shop deciding to buy your girlfriend’s favourite chocolate and get her a bouquet of flowers. While you knew gifts shouldn’t exactly be used as a way to excuse your behaviour, you gathered it couldn’t make things any worse than what they were.

Lucky for you, Kiera’s apartment wasn’t far from yours, only a twenty minute walk or so which you was grateful for because winter mornings in england weren’t exactly the warmest. Knocking on the door you wait for it to be opened. The younger girl answered and looked you up and down before reluctantly moving to the side so you could slide in.

“Hey.” You’re the first one to speak as Alessia heads into the lounge. She was wearing her favourite pair of grey sweatpants and a navy blue crew neck t-shirt, not to mention her blue slippers that had smiley faces embroidered onto them. Damn did she look good you thought but best not to say out loud given your current circumstances.

“So I had a think over how I reacted last night and I can see how I was in the wrong and just wanted to apologise.” You pulled out the chocolate and flowers that was hiding behind your back “-And I know it’s no consolation but I got you these.” Alessia took them from you and placed them down on the coffee table.

“It’s okay y/n, I had a think last night too and guess I overreacted to the whole kiss situation.” Scooting closer to her, you take her hands. “No Less; your feelings were totally valid and I completely ignored them. You’re right, I’m your partner - I shouldn’t be kissing other people, even if it is just for a game.”

The blonde sighed, “I guess I just felt a little threatened by Leah after seeing you two kiss.” You was now confused. “Threatened?”

“Oh come on y/n, youse two are always bantering and playfully flirting, not to mention in training the both of you are always laughing together about something. I even thought you were dating when I first met you both.” The mention of this made you feel bad, never did you intend to make Alessia feel like this. While you and Leah may be overly close, you’d never date one another.

“Babe, if there’s any woman out there for me; it’s you. Clearly i’ve not been a very good girlfriend if i’ve made you feel insecure in our relationship, i’m sorry.”

You offered your arms out and waited for Alessia to give into the hug. She slid under your arm and rested her head on your chest. “Are we okay?” You asked now stroking your hand through her golden locks. “We’re okay.” She confirmed.

Breathing a sigh of relief you leant down and kissed her head. “Good. Being in Alessia Russo’s doghouse was not fun.”

It’s not everyday someone like you ends up with a girl like Alessia and clearly you took it for granted. As you sat there in contentment, you vowed to yourself to never let something stupid get in the way of your relationship again.

[sashaisready]

Chapter Twenty - Of course I did

Bucky Barnes Mob AU x Femme Reader

You're hard at work in Pepper's Bakery when notorious mob boss James 'Bucky' Barnes darkens your doorway one typical afternoon, and life is never the same again.

Warnings: Dark content, mention of guns/shooting, descriptions of dead bodies and blood, threats/suggestions of sexual assault, minor character fatally wounded/dying, reader is frightened/in danger

18+ - see Masterlist for full list of warnings

Chapter 21

Series Masterlist

You’re not sure how much time has passed when you’re awoken by shouting. You must’ve fallen asleep, which makes sense as it’s so late, although you aren’t sure what time it is exactly. You instinctively go to check for your phone but then remember they have it. Your body is exhausted from the stress of all that has happened. You have a headache, the wine from your date has already transitioned into the beginnings of a hangover and you haven’t had any water in hours. The Thai dinner you so enjoyed earlier now feels heavy in your stomach. The gash on your cheek stings sharply, the bleeding has mostly stopped but not entirely. You feel dizzy, losing blood from your wound most likely not helping that.

The sound of yelling again jerks you to attention, the adrenaline coursing through you as your fear unfurls once more. You can’t make out what they’re saying until the door crashes open and bodies rush into the room. You try to count the number of feet you can hear on the floorboards but can’t figure it out. Two of them, you think? Three? They’re shouting out your name, their voices thick with anger. You can’t see them but you know they must have guns raised, searching every square inch for you.

One of them tries the light switch but grunts in frustration when nothing happens. You can hear the snap of plastic as he forces it up and down. Seconds later the room is partially illuminated by flashlights, the circles of light flitting around the room.

You swallow, clasping your hand over your mouth to mask any sounds you might make involuntarily. You stood a good chance in the dark where they couldn’t see you, but once that light hits you…then you’re done for.

“Come on sugar, come out come out wherever you are…” one of them sneers mockingly into the darkness.

You can’t see him but you just know it’s Rumlow.

“I’m gonna ring Jones’ neck for this” snarls another voice.

“Don’t worry, Pierce will take care of him” replies Rumlow darkly.

They chuckle for a moment as they scour the room.

“I’m gonna make this bitch pay when we find her” says the other voice again.

“Let’s just hope she’s not been too used up by Barnes for us to have some fun with her” laughs Rumlow. “I wanna rearrange her guts”.

Your stomach drops and you choke back a wave of nausea as they edge closer to your hiding spot. You’re seconds away from discovery now. Should you leap out? Use the element of surprise against them?

Don’t be stupid. They have guns. They’re infinitely stronger and faster than you. They most likely have combat training based on how they’re dressed. Maybe it would be better to go quickly, though. To be shot in the head and be snuffed out in an instant after you jump out - rather than be slowly tortured and sexually assaulted and God only knows what else.

You think of your family. Your friends. Wanda. Everything you didn’t get a chance to say to them all. All of the love you have for them. You think of the bakery. You think of your contentment as you bake, happily frosting cupcakes and humming to yourself as you sing along to the radio. You’d give anything to be there now. Hell, even baking in your tiny apartment kitchen would be a luxury. You’d never take it for granted again if you made it out alive.

You hold onto that image in your head to help calm you and give you hope, grounding yourself with the memory and keeping yourself sane. One of the flashlights reaches your corner of the room and moves closer to you. Everything goes into slow motion. You hold your breath as the light reaches the edge of your dress...

But then.

A scream cuts through the air. A clear scream. From somewhere beneath you. Rumlow and the other man or maybe men spin round, their flashlights ripping away from where you are and instead turn to face the door.

“What the…” Rumlow starts.

And then there’s another scream which cuts him off, and then the crystal clear roar of gunfire. You tense up. It seems to be coming from the corridors beneath you.

“Jesus Christ” spits out the other man.

In seconds you hear their heavy feet as they stomp out of the door and rush back down the stairs.

You freeze, panting. You can hear more now. There are more bullets, it must be a machine gun the way the sounds are rattling through the air like that. There’s muffled shouting and crying out from below.

It goes on like this for some time, your eyes are wide like saucers as you press your ear to the floorboards. You try to make out something they’re saying. Anything. Any hint as to what’s going on or who is shooting. But it’s all lost in a sea of bullets and yelling.

And then…silence.

Your stomach drops again. You know what that means. There’s nobody left.

Could it be…?

No. Surely not. He said he wasn’t coming. Why would he come? The last thing you said to him was that you were going to give him to the feds.

And if it’s not him, it’s only a matter of time before they find you too. You’re a sitting duck up here. You were lucky enough to get out of it once, but it wouldn’t happen twice.

Against all of your instincts you emerge from your corner and tiptoe across the attic. You’re barely thinking, just on autopilot. You open the door gently, careful not to make any noise. You squint as you leave the darkness and take each stair warily as you descend, listening out for any tell-tale sounds of what’s going on. But there’s only silence.

Your face stings and now you’re back in the light you can see your chest and dress is covered in old blood. You can feel the hardened stain on your cheek too, mixed with the remains of your tears. You’re shrouded in a thick layer dust from your hiding place in the attic, your ripped dress hanging pitifully off you. You can only imagine how you must look.

As you step out into the hallway you gasp. The wall in front of you is decorated with bloodstains. A few feet away a man is slumped onto his front, laying facedown in a pool of his own blood. From the way the blood has hit the wall his insides must be swiss cheese. You deduce that it’s one of the men from the attic. He didn’t get very far.

You’ve never seen a dead body before. It’s frightening. Not like in the movies. He looks almost inhuman with his impossible stillness. Stiller than a person should ever be. You can smell copper in the air from his blood, the stench of sweat and gunpowder lingers in your nose and makes your stomach churn.

You creep around him and swallow back your nausea. Around the next corner you see Rumlow flat on his back. He made it a bit further. His eyes are closed and circles of deep red splatter his torso. You inhale sharply, stepping around him carefully. You notice that his weapon is gone, whoever finished him off must’ve taken it with them.

You nearly scream when you feel a pressure on your ankle as you stalk by. You look down and to your horror Rumlow has his cold fingers gripped around you. He is still alive, but barely. His hand feels like ice. Staring up at you through squinted eyelids, you can see the fear on his face as his lifeforce is gently ebbing away from him. He tries to speak but can only groan, making a nauseating gurgling sound and you realise his internal injuries are taking hold as the light fades from his eyes.

It’s too much. You begin to break into a sprint. All of your fear from the evening comes tumbling out and you can’t stop. You know you should be quiet, carefully inspect what’s around each corner before you come barrelling around them, but all of that dies as the adrenaline courses through you.

As you fling yourself through the hallways you find them littered with more bodies and bloodstains. Puddles of blood are everywhere, stains of grisly footsteps of the retreating victors brazenly weaved around the fallen. There must’ve been even more of them than you saw in the warehouse. You don’t see Pierce amongst them, but then you aren’t really looking too carefully.

There are angry red blemishes splattered across the walls and your bare feet hurt when you step on bullet casings but you can’t stop now. You shimmy around each fallen figure as you aimlessly continue to run, unsure of where you’re going or if you’re turning back on yourself but just knowing that you need to keep going. Keep going. Keep going. Don’t stop.

You don’t know when you started crying but your tears don’t slow you down. You whip around another corner only to find yourself bouncing off something, the force of your speed means the impact is hard and it knocks you onto your back.

You begin to scream as you sit up and realise you’ve hit a person. An alive person, not a body. A man. A man with a gun. And your fear takes over. You can’t even look at him properly as you know this is it now, this is where your luck runs out. End of the line.

There are arms on your shoulders and someone is talking at you but you can’t hear any words, can’t see their face through the haze of your tears. It’s only when they begin to shake you gently when you realise…

Sea blue eyes.

Sea blue eyes looking into yours. You know those eyes.

Bucky.

You gasp as his features finally become clear in your vision. You can see his lips moving but can’t hear what he’s saying as you stare up at him. You reach out and clutch at his chest as if checking it’s really him and he’s really there. His face is contorted in concern and there’s a worrying amount of blood on his shirt. Not his, though. You can guess that. Suddenly it’s like your ears are switched back on and you can hear him again.

“Doll? Doll? Are you alright? Say something, baby?” His voice is panicked, strained with fear as he places his assault rifle onto the ground. You eye it anxiously.

“Bucky?” you ask weakly. 

Maybe you’re hallucinating, maybe you were shot seconds ago and this is your brain’s confused final flourish as you succumb to the darkness.

“Is it really you?”

His concern morphs into a relieved smile and you melt inside.

“Yeah it’s me, Doll. I’ve got you, don’t worry” he soothes.

You hurl yourself at him, clutching at his torso and throwing your arms around his back as you move your head into the crook of his neck. Squeezing him tightly with relief, pawing at him to check he’s really there. He picks up your legs and you wrap them around his waist, clinging onto him for dear life.

“You came” you whisper into his ear.

“Of course I did” he says matter of factly. “Where have you been Doll? We’ve been looking everywhere for you. Have to say I laughed when they told me you’d got loose and they’d lost you somewhere. Those assholes didn’t know who they were dealing with, huh?”

You ignore his question, gazing back at him with confusion.

“But…you said you weren’t coming? In the text?”

Bucky chuckles, his tone soft as he searches your face.

“I knew immediately those messages weren’t you. You know how mushy those fucks made you sound? I knew it was HYDRA and sent a bunch of my guys here with me to get you out. I just wanted to throw Pierce off the scent to buy us time.”

You gawped at him stupidly.

“You really think I’d leave you here, Doll?” He furrowed his brow, studying you.

“Well…yeah. We had that fight. You said…” you muttered.

Bucky narrows his eyes. “I would never leave you to die, Doll. No matter what happened between us”.

He looks at you with a flash of anger and hurt amongst the relief, clearly wounded that you’d think so little of him.

He lowers you off of him and carefully places you on the ground. “Can you stand?”

You nod, steadying yourself on the wall as your feet hit the floor. Bucky keeps a hand firmly on your waist as he inspects your face. You flinch as his finger brushes against your cheek wound. He huffs with rage.

“Those fuckers. Those stupid assholes” he mumbles furiously.

“It was…” you go to tell him about the nail in the attic but he cuts you off.

“They’re never going to hurt you again, alright? I’m so sorry Doll. I’m so sorry this happened, it’s all my fault” his voice sounds small, broken. He cups your chin tenderly. “I’m sorry that I didn’t protect you…”

Your eyes widen as you realise the gravity of his words when they hit you and a rush of emotion surges within.

He was right.

Before you know what’s happening, you reach out and slap his face. He glares back at you in confusion, touching his cheek where you struck him. You can’t stop yourself, pummelling his chests with your fists as you unravel, all of the stress, fear and anger pouring out of you like an unstoppable tidal wave.

He catches your wrists and holds them tightly in place, you howl with frustration at how powerless you feel.

“This IS your fault James” you bark at him. “How the fuck am I caught up in your turf wars?? We aren’t even DATING. I get wrestled into the back of a van and hauled off to some warehouse in the middle of nowhere with some psychopathic gang…tied up and hunted down…and then there’s a fuckin’ massacre…”

You trail off when you notice he’s smiling wistfully at you.

“What?” you scoff in disbelief. “How can you possibly be smiling right now?”

“I’m just happy you’re okay” he says softly. “You can yell at me all you want, hit me all you like, because for a while there I wasn’t sure you’d ever be able to yell at me again”.

You’re caught off guard by that. You hadn’t even thought about how he might’ve felt through this. You feel a twinge in your heart. He was scared. He thought you were dead. You stare into his big blue eyes and your mouth falls open slightly at the intensity of his scrutiny.

Before you know it you’re on him, kissing him for the second time that evening (maybe morning now?) The kiss is desperate and passionate, eager and hungry. He presses you up against the wall and you can feel him panting, his hands are all over you as if doing an audit of your body. It’s as if he’s affirming that all of you is still here. He kisses your neck, your shoulders, your arms. You momentarily forget that you’re covered in your own blood, or that he’s covered in the blood of men he gunned down.

He pulls away and begins to whisper in your ear. He tells you he’s sorry, for this, for all of it. He tells you he’ll never let anything like this happen to you again. He tells you how brave you are, how smart you were to get away. You allow yourself to get swept away by his words, soothing you and comforting you, your eyes closed as your arms are draped around his neck.

“Buck, you here?” comes a voice from around the corner.

Your body tenses as your survival instincts are still heightened but Bucky kisses your cheek after feeling your posture shift. “Don’t worry, it’s just Steve” he whispers soothingly.

“We’re here” he calls back.

Steve emerges from around the corner. He’s sweaty and blood spattered like Bucky, clutching a rifle. His face lightens when he sees you.

“Hey - there you are” he says sunnily.

You smile back at him. A genuine smile, possibly the first one you’d ever given him.

“Here I am”.

He looks you up and down, struck by the contrast to how you looked when he saw you earlier. Then…pretty in your date outfit and heels, hair and make-up slightly askew after a few glasses of wine but still intact. Your eyes fiery and passionate as you gave Bucky a dressing down. And now…your face was bloodied, some sort of injury across your cheek. Your dress ripped and blood soaked, a layer of dust dirtying your arms. You were barefoot. Your mascara had run down your face in thick black streaks and your hair was knotted and tangled. Mainly he was struck by your eyes, now dulled and frightened. No sign of the heat he had seen earlier. You just clung on to Bucky’s side meekly.

But you were alright, that was the main thing, and he was relieved. You may be Bucky’s girl but he had grown fond of you too. He thought you were good for his best friend, challenging him and keeping him on his toes. Buck needed that in his life. A partner to be his equal, not merely a sex toy.

He was also relieved for Bucky’s sake. He had gone wild when he got the messages, throwing his whiskey glass across the room and yelling. They were just leaving for the night, he’d run to him and didn’t understand what had happened. Bucky was apoplectic, shouting and throwing furniture. He knew you’d been taken, he knew it was Pierce. He ordered them to round up as many men as they could, emptying out the weapons storage as they followed the location pin. They’d even called in a favour with Stark who was more than happy to lend a hand after learning that Pepper’s star baker was in danger - sending over reinforcements and a few extra top of the line rifles.

The car ride was quick as they sped, but Bucky was silent throughout, his eyes focused out on the road. The only sign he was tense were his hands, clenched into tight fists at his sides.

“She’ll be alright. We’ll get her out, Buck” Steve had told him.

Bucky just smiled thinly and nodded, the worry etched over his face. He had turned back to look out at the road again…

“Perimeter is clear, Buck” Steve explained.

Bucky nodded “Thanks Steve”. He stepped forward to leave and you gripped him harder. He turned back and took your hand.

“C’mon Doll, let’s go home” he beckoned, guiding you through the halls.

[callsign-rogueone]

the dress - i.c.

Imogen Cardulo x reader Imogen finds you getting ready for a night on the town, and makes it clear what she thinks of that idea. part of my Valentine’s Day celly! 💕 #9: love confession words: 980 🏷: no book spoilers. reader wears makeup and a dress, but no pronouns used. very mild argument, talk of drinking and hookups, it's mentioned that reader had one (1) shot (I may be sober, but I can still write about drinking!), Imogen calls you sweetheart twice. I cannot believe it took me this long to post something for her! I just wanna be her cute little femme girlfriend so bad bro 😭

You shut the eyeshadow compact, satisfied with your work. It’s been a long time since you’ve bothered to do yourself up like this, and you almost don’t recognize your reflection, but it looks nice.

You hear the door unlock, straightening up.

“Oh, hi Im,” you greet, your cheeks warming. You weren’t expecting to run into her, but you suppose it was inevitable; you do share a bathroom, after all.

She stares at you blankly for a moment, taking you in -- she’s never seen you like this, ever. “What are you wearing?”

“A dress,” you answer, moving in a small circle to show her the full extent of the outfit. “I bought it first year, but I’ve never had a chance to wear it. Do you like it?”

It’s cute, a pretty shade of light blue patterned with tiny white flowers, cap sleeves and a short skirt that flutters as you move, but it's definitely not seasonally appropriate -- it’s very likely going to pour rain tonight, and that thin cotton isn’t going to keep you warm at all, especially when it only extends to your knees. She doesn’t see your flight jacket anywhere, either.

“I do like it. But why are you wearing it?“

You gather up the makeup back into the little bag you keep it in, pulling the drawstring tightly. “Me and the infantry girls I met last week are gonna go into town to hook us some civilians. Wanna come with?”

You stumble a bit as you turn, still unused to the heeled shoes you’d borrowed from your new friend. 

Imogen reaches out to steady you, setting a hand on your back. She sniffs the air twice, undoubtedly smelling the shot of whiskey you’d taken earlier -- you hate the stuff, but it does the job, and you can’t really complain about the taste when there’s nothing else available; cadets aren’t supposed to have any alcohol in their rooms.

“I only had one shot,” you defend, seeing the unamused look on her face, “and I’m gonna need one or two to convince myself to go through with this.”

“To go through with what?”

“Y’know…” you gesture aimlessly, embarrassed. 

She raises an eyebrow. “No, sweetheart, I don’t. Care to enlighten me?”

“To go out to a tavern and take somebody home. Or to be taken home, I guess, since we can’t have visitors. I’ve never done anything like this before, but there’s a first time for everything, right?” You manage a smile and a nervous laugh.

The anxiety radiating from you is her last straw, but she treads carefully, knowing you’re a little fragile right now. “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

“Why not?” you ask, looking genuinely confused. 

She can’t take it anymore. “Gods, how naive are you? Do you have any idea how dangerous this plan is? Walking half a mile to town at night in the cold with a group of girls you hardly know, dressed like that, just so you can get drunk and hook up with some stranger who you’ll never see again?”

You take a step back, grateful you don’t stumble again, and cross your arms over your chest in a show of intimidation that doesn’t work at all. “I can protect myself. And you don’t get to tell me what to do, or who to hang out with, and you certainly don’t get to tell me who to fuck. Why do you even care?”

“Because I want you to be safe, and because you’re worth so much more than just a drunk hookup. You deserve someone who actually cares about who you are inside, about your feelings. You’re a good person, and I don’t want to see you get hurt.”

You deflate, looking down at the floor in shame. “You’re right, it was a dumb idea,” you mumble, rubbing your hands over your arms in an attempt to warm yourself up. 

“C’mere,” she coaxes.

You step out of the shoes, taking a few steps across the cold tile toward her and letting her wrap her arms around you.

She smells nice. 

There’s a moment of still quiet, just the distant sounds of water moving through the pipes.

She rubs a hand over your back. “I’m sorry, sweetheart,” she says quietly. “I shouldn’t have raised my voice at you.”

“S’okay,” you mumble, but she isn’t entirely convinced.

“Hey,” she says softly, “you know I love you, right?”

You blink. “What?”

She stiffens and pulls away, realizing what she’s admitted, but it’s too late to take it back. “I’m in love with you,” she repeats. “But if you don’t feel the same, I— mph!”

She squeaks in surprise as you tug her back to you by the collar of her flight jacket, connecting your lips. 

You taste like malt liquor and strawberry lip gloss, and it’s intoxicating; she can’t get enough of the thing she’s wanted so badly for the last year.

You pull away for air after a moment, resting your forehead against hers. “I do feel the same, for the record. I’ve been in love with you for months. Tonight was going to be a desperate attempt to get over you, but that’s clearly never gonna happen.”

She smiles. “I’m glad I found you here, then.”

Rain splatters against the frosted window, a downpour starting outside, and you can’t help but laugh -- there’s no way you would have made it all the way to town and back like this; you’d be soaked before you got past the front gates.

“How about I go change into something warmer, and then we can start making up for all that lost time,” you suggest, picking up the shoes and your makeup bag. 

“That sounds perfect,” she agrees, giving you another soft kiss. “See you in five minutes?”

You grin at her over your shoulder as you push open the door. “I’ll make it three.”

[thezombieprostitute]

Dream Come True - Part 5

Summary: The “Garbage Men” are the guys in the mob who get the dirt on others and clean up after the higher ups. They have many different ways of gathering intel by running legitimate businesses. One such business is Jefferson/Jensen’s cyber cafe where you regularly go to work. You’ve actually become good friends with Jefferson’s daughter and Jensen’s niece. You even volunteered as their after-school tutor. One day, there’s a robbery attempt where you get hurt protecting the girls. This is how you are introduced to Curtis Everett, the guy in charge of the “Garbage Men”.

A/N: Reader is plus sized, femme. No other descriptors used.

Warnings: Bullying, Fat shaming, Insecure reader, Violence mentioned and referenced but not written. Please let me know if I missed any!

Part 4 -- Part 6

Series Masterlist

Ransom was shutting down his computer for the day, dismissing his new assistant. It was taking some time but they were working through what they each needed to have a good working relationship. She was a lot more expensive and whiny than Y/N but he had to make peace with that. He checked the mirror, seeing the last traces of the black eye Curtis had given him. It’d been over a week and he’d be happy to see it finally gone. 

He turned when his door opened, expecting his assistant, but stopped in alarm when he saw the familiar, mustachioed face of Lloyd Hansen. 

“Ransom,” Lloyd smiled, holding his arms out. “It’s so good to see you again.”

“Lloyd,” Ransom hesitated. “To what do I owe the pleasure?”

“What? Can’t I just visit?”

“Well, given your current status of “exiled” I think you can understand my confusion.”

Lloyd’s grin faded a little, “oooh, who finally got the balls to punch you, Ran? I’m surprised it hasn’t happened before.”

“Well,” Ransom stalled, “it’s only fair. I was harassing one of his employees.”

“Fair? Ran how hard were you hit? That doesn’t sound like you.”

“I’ve grown, Lloyd. Now, I’ll ask again, to what do I owe the pleasure of your company?”

Lloyd’s smile widened, “always the kiss ass. No wonder the Bosses put you up in the elite tiers. Schmoozing the old ladies to get them to vote, donate, whatever. That was never my forte.”

Ransom huffed, “certainly not for a lack of willingness to talk. Can I get you a drink?”

“You got the good whiskey,” Lloyd asked before snorting a laugh. “Who am I kidding? Of course you’ve got the good stuff! Make it a double.”

Ransom turned to get the drinks and positioned himself so he could keep an eye on him while also seeming to not pay attention. He poured the drinks and handed Lloyd one before sitting down, gesturing for Lloyd to do the same. Lloyd took a long sip and nodded appreciatively. 

“So,” Lloyd remarked, “of course I am here on unfinished business.” Ransom nodded in understanding. “I was kicked out of my territory because the higher ups didn’t like how I handled things. You’d think guys with their background wouldn’t mind a little more blood on their hands. I got results, they kicked me out. I’ve finally got things sorted out and built up to take over everything. They won’t know what hit ‘em.”

Ransom's eyebrows shot up, “everything? You don’t want to be in charge of just the Gar- intel gathering anymore? The empire’s grown since you were last here. Are you sure you can handle it all?”

“That’s where you come in, pretty boy,” Lloyd retorts before taking another sip. “We both know public relations ain’t my thing. You be the face of everything, keep your nice lifestyle, maybe even make it cushier, and I’ll handle all the dirty work. You know, the fun side of things.”

“Such a generous offer. How long do I have to think about it?”

“By the time I’ve finished my drink.”

Ransom nods, “so I’d still be doing all the schmoozing and kiss-ass work?”

“Yes,” Lloyd acknowledged, taking another long sip. “But you’d have a much bigger allowance and a lot more support in the harassment of employees.”

“It’s a very tempting offer,” Ransom conceded. “May I ask the repercussions if I decline?”

“Well, I can’t exactly have you telling the others that I’m in town, let alone that I have plans.” He raises an eyebrow while opening his jacket, showing Ransom the gun he has strapped to his chest. 

Ransom nods and contemplates, watching Lloyd’s drink slowly disappear. “It is a good deal, but what assurances do I have that your plan will work? I’m already on thin ice with the Bosses. If they find out I helped you in any way, even by not mentioning your visit, it’ll be a death sentence for me, too.”

“Ransom, I’m hurt,” Lloyd mocked. “You think I would even tell you this much if I wasn’t certain of my victory?”

“In my defense, you’ve been found out before.”

Lloyd sighed, “I suppose you’re right. Fine.” Lloyd drinks the last of his whiskey and sets the glass down before standing up, “either you agree to help me and get a much more self-indulgent lifestyle, or you turn me down and end up dead. You have no other guarantees in life.”

“How do you know I won’t just tell them you’re here?”

“Because you know, damn well, I’ll do so much more than just give you a black eye,” Lloyd glowered. “I’ve got my own comm guys monitoring all of your devices as well as a few well placed bugs. You won’t be able to do anything to warn them without my knowing. And neither of us would really enjoy your screams as I make an example out of you.”

Ransom glared up at Lloyd, “well. I guess I don’t have much of a choice then. I’ll be expecting my first paycheck soon. I’ve got an assistant to win over.”

“That cute one who just left?”

“No, she’s the temporary replacement,” Ransom huffed. “My last assistant was the fat one?” Ransom searched Lloyd’s face for any sign he knew of the woman he was talking about but found none.

“Huh, never would’ve taken you to be interested in the bigger ladies,” Lloyd smiled. “That’s usually my demographic.”

“I have a new appreciation for them,” Ransom professed. “I blame you for getting the idea in my head.”

Lloyd laughed, “now that’s something I’ll happily take the blame for.”

“Hey, Jake,” you ask as you hesitantly approach Jensen. 

He looks up from his work, “Hey Teach! What are you doing here? I thought it was your day off?”

“I thought so too,” you admit. “This…this is going to sound weird, but I think Ransom might be in trouble.” Jake’s brows furrowed in confusion and you continue, “I’ve been getting a bunch of gifts from him. They’ve been getting delivered seemingly nonstop since yesterday. I was gonna just throw them out, let him waste his money, but then I…I may have picked up a pattern?”

“How do you mean?”

“Well,” you hesitate, “this is going to sound paranoid, but I noticed that all of the gifts he got me were the same gifts some of his characters used when they had to silently indicate they needed help. He sent me begonias. Begonias mean “Beware” in flower language so whenever Mrs. Nylund wanted to warn her secret lover her husband was home, she’d spend hours working on the begonias. He also sent me orange lilies. When Miss Petrillo sent her mother yellow lilies, it meant she was fine but orange lilies meant she was in danger.”

Jake was listening patiently, nodding, “I dunno, it could just be those flowers were on his mind.”

“I thought that, too,” you admitted. “But then the jewelry started coming in. A necklace and earring set that are an exact match for the ones Lady Devereaux would fidget with as a signal to her security to remove the person she was talking to. An amulet with a challenge coin, just like Mr. Bryson sent to his brother as a silent signal for help. The list goes on.”

“That is pretty strange,” Jake admitted. “Since he was put on notice by the higher ups we have had a couple bugs added to his place.” He turns to his computer and starts typing, “let me check if they’ve picked up any unusual ac– No. No, you don’t.” Jake’s demeanor suddenly gets serious as he gives the computer his full focus, typing faster than you can register. “Oh, you’re a feisty one. You’re not getting into my systems you bastard. Aww, you really think that’ll work? Well watch me counter with this magic!”

He goes on for several minutes before finally sitting back and letting out a big breath. He looks at you, “I think you’re right. I think Ransom is in trouble.”

Part 4 -- Part 6

Tagging @alicedopey because I promised I would. 

@dontbescaredtosingalong

@icefrozendeadlyqueen

@texmexdarling

@veltana

@winter-soldier-101

Let me know if you'd like to be tagged.

[eliza-and-her-monsters]

Eliza’s Blog 💜

welcome to my land of fantasy and gay delulu!!

DNI List: minors (i can’t tell you want to do just leave me out of it), cis straight men, people who hate on and judge rpf

hello friends!! i’m a fanfic writer who has primarily written on wattpad so far (don’t judge, i don’t wanna hear it) but have also taken to writing occasional one-shots and blurbs on here as well! i may also post bonus chapters for my current stories if i feel like i want to add anything special!

i do occasionally take requests but not all the time because i do want to primarily focus on my longer stories on wattpad for the most part. however if you want then please keep watch on this post below to see if my reqs are currently open!

my inbox however IS always open for anyone wanting to chat!

i also may occasionally post poetry, aesthetics, rants, and anything else i really feel like on here so nothing is exclusive! 😅💜

i am primarily a fluff writer but don’t mind to write smut, just don’t want to all the time! i don’t have a lot of rules but the ones i do should be pretty easy to follow!! just be nice and PLEASE don’t request anything with men!!

i currently write for: Vi (Arcane), Caitlyn (Arcane), Ellie Williams (The Last of Us), and whenever I’m back in the mood Julien Baker and Lucy Dacus!

i primarily only write x reader content just because i feel like it’s my stronger suit and writing specific pairings isn’t necessarily my thing! the EXCEPTION i will make for this though is Caitvi x reader and Julien Baker x Lucy Dacus x reader!

i also primarily write from a femme reader’s perspective just because it’s what i have the most experience with!

overall if my requests are open and you have something you want me to write feel free to just suggest it! the worst i’m going to do if i’m not comfy with it is not respond!

Requests are currently: OPEN for arcane and tlou 💜

longer fics:

Sad, Beautiful, Tragic- Julien Baker (COMPLETE)

Truly, Madly, Deeply- Julien Baker

Vessels- Julien Baker

I Know the End- Julien Baker

the tortured poets department- vi x reader

one-shots:

who did this to you? (julien baker x reader)

the gods of guilt (julien baker x reader)

baby, it’s halloween (julien baker x reader)

if i’m there (julien baker x lucy dacus x reader)

we could leave the christmas lights up until january (lucy dacus x reader)

christmas tree farm (julien baker x reader)

perfectly misaligned (vi x reader)

death doesn’t discriminate (vi x reader x ellie williams)

this life and the next (mina ashiro x reader)

header & divider credits: @saradika-graphics 💜

[nostalgiclittlespace]

Gender Binary and Age Regression

TW: Discussions of gender rules, mentions of k!nk

Being non-cis, genderqueer, nonconforming, or similar is an interesting experience in the Age Regression community.  I think that regression is very much accessible, and this is an overwhelmingly accepting community, but I don’t see the experiences being talked about much.  But why is that?  Especially considering the large demographic of regressors that aren’t cis?

So as I always do on this blog, I’ll talk about it myself!

Granted, I can only speak for my personal experience, observations, and analysis.  People experience both gender and age regression in very personal ways, so I don’t mean to erase or disregard anyone’s experiences that are different from what’s discussed. As such, I’d love to hear other people’s thoughts on this subject.

Firstly, something I notice about the community, namely through aesthetic posts and blog presentations, is that it can be very binary at times.  This makes sense if you think about it. As children, most of us were raised with strict gender rules and expectations that we conformed to.  Girls were expected to play house, with dolls, or other nurturing activities.  Meanwhile, boys were expected to be messy and wild; toys like trucks and action figures encouraged more active play.  When we regress, it’s natural that these social expectations and rules come back. 

Additionally, a lot of children’s items are categorized into these binary standards.  As such, in the regression community we tend to see things that are femme or masc leaning.  Eg.  Almost all ‘girl’ toys are pink or purple. ‘Boy’ toys are blue or green.  Dolls and princesses are only ever marketed towards girls.  Cars and superheroes are only marketed to boys.  Walking into a toy store, you can clearly see that certain isles are meant to appeal to the gender binary.

Furthermore, I think that for a lot of people, having a binary regression is important.  For example, I know some trans regressors utilize Little Space so they can have the properly gendered childhood they didn’t originally receive.

Lastly, I wonder if (unfortunately) the k!nk community has something to do with it.  Granted this is all speculation, but DDLG is one of the most popular subsets of ABDL.  As such, a lot of adult sized baby items are geared towards femininity.  This probably doesn’t affect the actual regression community very much, but I think it has indirectly influenced the general population into gearing Little Space towards ‘girls.’  

Even unrelated to those k!nk communities, society is a lot more accepting of fem-presenting being childish than masc-presenting.  Boys are expected to grow up faster and be tougher than girls, at least in my experiences.  I’m gender-fluid, so I’ve seen personally that I’m a lot more self conscious about regressing in public when I’m masc.  It’s just not as accepted.

These reasons combined��original binary expectations we learned in childhood, the market for children’s items, repairing childhood, and outside social influences—make the regression community fairly gendered.  Again, I know this is an overwhelmingly welcoming and supportive community.  I haven’t seen any agere accounts that would discriminate based on gender, and many of us are genderqueer ourselves (me included!)

So is there a way we can make this community more inclusive to genderqueer/nonconforming people?  Yes, for the most part.  I’ve seen plenty of gender neutral regressors, blogs, and boards, which is a step in the right direction.   I think ‘boy-re’ is also gaining popularity for masculine regressors to get the attention they deserve. Of course, we alone cannot influence the entire world to be more accepting of breaking the gender binary.  But we can take steps within our community to ensure that anyone existing outside the gender binary is respected and recognized.

I also want to remind you all that this is not meant to take shots at any binary regressors.  Furthermore, some regressors who may seem binary on first glance can still be genderqueer. For some people, these experiences are very important, and that should be respected.

To all my fellow regressors,no matter how you present on the outside, and no matter your agere aesthetic and binary, you are a valid and loved member of the community.  I wish you nothing but kindness, acceptance, and lots of love!  Happy regressing, everyone!

—Marty 🦖

[xxavengingangelxx]

Somewhere Only We Know 1/?

This is part of a series: Long Way From Home. Graves gets ahold of 141's translator and demands she give up information she knows about 141.

Graves still has Val in this continuation. This continuation includes the events of MW3 so 141 will find out Graves is alive and they will learn where Val has been this whole time ;) MW3 SPOILERS Thanks to @unicorngirly1 for talking ideas with me!

Taglist!

@bellgraves, @unicorngirly1, @lily-lily131313, @shepgurl. If you'd like to be added and/or if I left anyone off, please let me know!

Triggers/Warnings: Mentions of torture, dubious consent, brainwashing, mentions of suicide. More will be added as the story develops.

-

“Un-fucking-believable,”

You were across the dark room, not visible to the camera, but Soap’s voice drew your attention and your head snapped in that general direction.

You’d been given orders by Shepherd and Graves: you can be in the room but you were not to move, not to make a sound and certainly not to approach the camera. 141 still thought you were dead, remember?

Consequences for approaching that camera? A return to a room similar to that cold, terrifying room where you’d spent your first week with Shadow Company being tortured for information that you eventually gave up. That was all you needed to hear. You in no way, under no circumstances, wanted to go back there so you’d do what you were told. Besides, you’d been more tired than usual, not feeling like yourself, like you were on the verge of getting sick, so it’s not like you even had the energy to put up with that. You wouldn’t be able to mentally handle it, either.

You’d make a third attempt on your life if you were returned to that room. Of that you were sure.

“Soap!” You heard Graves respond. “Ya miss me?” Graves laughed coldly. “Well technically you did, didn’t you?”

“Laswell, if you’re tracking this,” Ghost’s voice interrupted, “let’s call in an airstrike.”

“Ghost that is not nice,” Graves chided, almost as if he was speaking to a toddler. It made you wonder how he would be around kids.

“And Val?” Soap demanded.

“Now her ya did kill, Johnny,” Graves sneered. “Shame. I liked having her around.”

“Go fohck yerself. What’re you up to?” Soap’s voice snapped at Graves.

“I’m up to doing my fuckin’ job, kid. Maybe you should try it sometime,” Graves shot back.

“My fucking job is to kill the enemy. Guess what you are,” Soap spat back.

“Let’s keep this professional, boys,” Shepherd interjected. “Cap’n let me pain you the bigger picture. You need Makarov in a pine box. I’ve got the nails.”

The rest of the conversation was faded out because that name, Makarov…Makarov scared the shit out of you. Graves had told you that Vladimir Makarov liked petite, little, innocent-looking things and that like they’d done before with other male targets they might use you to help draw him in or distract him. You were Shadow Company’s femme fatale after all. You’d drawn in men before.

But the idea terrified you. Makarov was a different kind of monster. A psychopath. What was stopping Makarov from taking you like Graves took you? And Makarov you knew would not be nearly as ‘nice’ as Graves had been. Makarov would haul you to Russia and torture you himself. And he would get off on it. Unlike Graves Makarov wouldn’t hesitate to use rape as a weapon.

“Val,” Graves’s voice drew you back to the present.

“Graves,” you responded, shaking your head of the chilling thoughts that had occupied your mind only seconds before.

“We gotta meet 141,”

You sighed. Got teary eyed. What if they took you from him? So you said something. “They’re gonna take me from you,” you sniffled.

“We’re gonna have a fucking problem if they do,” Graves snapped. “We’re not moving forward until I get you back if that happens. They think you’re dead, Val. Remember that.”

You sighed again. “They better. I’ll raise hell ‘till they give me back.”

“I know it sucks,” Graves conceded. “But this is moving quick. We need Makarov. The quicker it’s done, they quicker we never see any of ‘em again.”

Makarov. That name. It gave you chills. You had the worst feeling about him.

Graves then gave a series of commands: wear both vests (we don’t know if they’ll try to kill you), wear your mask, wear your combat goggles, wear a helmet, wear a uniform. Do anything you can to hide your identity. Do not come within an arm’s length of them. You’re going to have a sidearm, your rifle, and a knife. And it all else fails? Run.

You followed orders and got dressed exactly how you were told to in the morning. You were exhausted. You hadn’t been sleeping well and your body ached.

-

It had been decided to meet in an abandoned warehouse. No electricity so it was easy to sweep for bugs. That meant no heat. It was raining and the dropping temperatures promised snow. It was miserable but at least all the layers you were wearing kept you warm.

You could feel 141’s eyes penetrating you.

You tried to tell yourself it was because out of a group of men you were by far the smallest one. The only female, obviously.

Price, Laswell, Shepherd, and Graves were in a room sealed off from the rest of you. Shadows were in that same room protecting Graves and Shepherd. Graves had wanted you in the same room as him but that risked Price recognizing you since the room was so small. The meeting would be quick, Graves promised. You only hoped it wouldn’t be drawn out.

That left you in a large room with Soap, Gaz, and Ghost. You stayed as far away from them as possible. You had your rifle hanging from your shoulder. You had your sidearm ready to go. The only problem was there was no damn way you could shoot any of them. You only prayed they’d stay across the room.

You didn’t like this. In fact you hated it. Why couldn’t another Shadow have stayed with you? Actually no. That Shadow might shoot at 141 and the last thing you wanted was to have them hurt.

Soap met your gaze. You had a soft spot for Soap. You two had been close. A little more than close but that was a story for another day.

“What’s your name, lass?” Soap called out. “Didn’ know he had female Shadows.”

You didn’t answer. You were scared your voice would give you away. You just pointed at your tag: P-80.

“I can’t read that,” Soap replied. “You can’t talk or sometin?”

You shook your head no. Duh. Of course you could talk. You just chose not to. Your voice was a lot softer than any of these men’s. It stood out. And they’d recognize it for sure.

“Your mannerisms remind me o’ someone I was close to,” Soap added. “Real pretty lass. Had a lotta fun wit her. But smart as ‘ell. Dangerous, too.”

“That you, Val?” Ghost asked.

“L.t.,” Soap whined. “I was gettin’ there.”

“I think it is,” Gaz added.

You shook you head no again. Tears pricked your eyes. This was getting to be too much. You didn’t care that you’d been told to stay out of that briefing room. You wanted to be in the same room as Graves.

“I know that’s you, Val,” That person, Ghost, calling your name was like someone lighting a fire under your ass. Graves had conditioned you to RUN from them if he wasn’t close by. You shook your head before taking off running, following Grave’s orders.

You were so frazzled that a flight of stairs presented too much of a challenge for you and you tripped, hitting the landing hard and slamming into the wall sideways, your head hitting the wall with force. You had a helmet on thank God but the hit still rattled you. Voices were scrambled and everything got blurry for a few seconds. You were about to get up and keep running when someone grabbed you by your vest and dragged you back up the flight of stairs you’d just tripped over. You fought not to scream to be let go.

Ghost had grabbed you. You knew because he was the roughest one out of the group. Only because he was incredibly protective of his men. After dragging you back up the flight of stairs he released you onto the concrete landing.

You tried to get back up. You were shoved down.

“On your knees,” Ghost demanded. Rifle raised.

“Ghost,” Soap started. “Don’t—”

“I’ve got this, Johnny,” Ghost retorted.

You sighed and dropped to your knees with hands held out.

“Helmet,” Ghost demanded.

You unclasped your helmet and took it off.

“The goggles and the mask,” came the next command.

“Fuck,” you mumbled to yourself.

You complied and took both off, dropping them to the ground next to you.

“Hoooly shit,”

You recognized it as Soap’s voice.

You shook the bangs from your eyes and glanced up.

Gaz was not far behind and approached. And you couldn’t do this. You couldn’t. You decided long ago you would never go back to them. They’d either kill you or send you to a military prison for the rest of your life.

Worst of all, Graves had said, you’d never see him again. You knew for a damn fact you couldn’t handle being separated from Graves.

So you pulled your sidearm and put it against your head.

The effect was instant.

141 backed off. Ghost dropped his rifle, leaving it to hang off his shoulder.

Immediately.

“Back off,” you stood up slowly.

They were speechless.

“What happened to you?” Gaz asked, eyeing you with stunned, wide eyes.

“Nothing,” You responded.

“Val, we’re not leaving,” Soap stated simply, his hands in front of him to show he was not reaching for a weapon. “Put the gun down, Jesus Christ.”

You didn’t respond. You lowered the gun from your head. Little did they know you’d rather die than be separated from Graves. In your panic you didn’t notice Soap was no longer in front of you. You raised the gun in their direction.

Yet not one of them reached for their weapon. You wondered if it was because despite how much you had changed they could see it in your eyes that you couldn’t shoot any of them.

“Let me go,” you warned, taking small steps backwards. “I’ll call him and they’ll come running.” Your mind flashed to that first night in Las Almas when Graves had ordered you to call out to 141. You being your stupid self had refused. Now you were actually threatening to scream to get Graves’s attention.

Then.

Your worst nightmare.

Someone grabbed you from behind. He placed a heavy, calloused hand over your mouth preventing you from screaming, from calling out to Graves. His other hand gripped your right wrist on such a way that you dropped your weapon. Your gun dropped to the ground. Soap expertly kicked it away from you. You were then flat on the floor on your stomach, the sudden movement aggravating the ribs that had been broken several times over now. Your rifle was taken. Your knife was taken. You were about to say, “Fuck you, let me go.” But duct tape replaced the hand that had been on your mouth.

They were treating you exactly like Graves warned you they would. You screamed into the tape because what else could you do? You were flipped onto your back and you immediately starting swinging fists, kicking, trying to scratch, anything to get them away.

Soap clearly was overwhelmed because he just stared in horror and how hard you were fighting. For what? To go back to Graves? To go back to the man who had inflicted that cut on your face that had scarred?

“Thas’ enough ‘o that,” Ghost said lowly. You’d forgotten how big he was because when he stood over you, he terrified you. He looked like the grim reaper. Zipties went around your wrists after your arms were pulled in front of you. But not before you put up a hell of a fight. You tried to scratch but only got Ghost’s Kevlar and uniform. Zipties brought back bad memories.

“You swing at anyone again,” Graves knelt in front of you while a Shadow ziptied your hands in front of you. You were lying on the floor, beat halfway to unconsciousness by said Shadow. “I’m leaving you in those with a broken arm,”

“Fuck you, sadist,” you mumbled as you lost consciousness.

-

Price, Graves, Shepherd, and Laswell were still in that small room. Talking about what you had no idea. You tried to use your hands ziptied in front of you to break the window of the SUV they were dragging you to.

You struggled, tried to be dead weight. Your worst fear was coming true. You were being taken from Graves. And you couldn’t scream because they’d taped your mouth shut.

But then you got an idea. You got into that SUV willingly because you had a plan. They’d removed the tape from your mouth provided you promised them you wouldn’t scream. The skin on your face was still red, though. Just wait until Graves finds out what they did to you.

-

I feel like this isn't as good as Long Way From Home. :( Idk why! But please let me know what you think! If you have ideas, message me! I'm thinking of opening an ask box :D I wanted to post a longer chapter but character limits got me!

[absolutebl]

This Week in BL - just RELAX BL, you're stressing me out

Organized, in each category, by ones I'm enjoying most at the top. However, I've put quite a few on hold for travel reasons.

Oct 2023 Wk 3

Ongoing Series - Thai

Dangerous Romance (Fri YT) ep 10 of 12 - Boyfriends are cute boyfriends. Reconciliation with daddy and then major brother drama. How exciting. Gah but that closing scene, these two are such great actors! 

Naughty Babe (Sat YT) ep 8 fin - A perfectly serviceable final episode. I did love the red Chinese-style wedding to go with the “hia.” Also, just a little Thai 'poke poke poke' at China. 

Final thoughts?

This is a nice addendum to Cutie Pie, but it’s relatively incomprehensible even if you’ve watched that previous installment. I can’t imagine it will make any sense at all if you haven’t. Frankly, the most impressive thing about this show was the makeup team. MaxNat give excellent chemistry, all the high heat is well done, and the friendships are adorable, even if the story is nonsensical. It’s fine, I’m relieved it was only 8 eps. I enjoyed it for the pair but I will probably never rewatch. A weak 8/10

My Universe (Sun iQIYI) Lucky Love ep 9 of 24 -Heartbroken (drunk) gay boy meets (fights) sister’s new chef. I love the femme bestie. Adorbs. This one seems pretty good actually. I like all the shots of Bangkok’s actual traffic. POV is a bit of a sad sack tho. 

Absolute Zero (Thai Weds iQIYI) ep 4 of 12 - There is something clever about this narrative in the way that they are each each other’s first and second loves, but also age gap kinda creepy (Thailand maybe leave this one for Japan?)

Venus in the Sky (Tues iQIYI) 8 of 10 eps - So much whiny gay drama babies. However, it also manages to be painfully slow, through the simple act of having 90% of the show be boys sitting around staring at their phones. Then it suddenly got way higher heat than I expected. Honestly, this could’ve ended at 8 sps. I don’t see how extending the show is going to improve it in any way.

Only Friends (Sat YT) ep 11 of 12 (not a BL but I'm watching it anyway) - I don’t have faith in any couple. One of my favorite things about this show is watching how many boys Mark can kiss. I know everyone is focusing on Neo, but seriously baby boy got game. Meanwhile Boston’s dick must be made of self-lubing steal pipe; I remain entirely uninterested is TopMew; Mew’s fam demonstrate why a gay boy should never take advice from straight women; and the slut-shaming agenda continues. NO SINGING. No character in this show is happy when Boeing turns up, but the rest of us trash-loving muckrakers are thrilled.

Ongoing Series - Not Thai

If It’s With You AKA Even If I Fall In Love With You AKA Kimi to nara Koi wo Shite Mite mo’ (Japan Gaga) ep 3 of 5 - Oh it is so cute and so sweet and so aching. I really did not want the confession to happen, even though I knew it had to. There is an element of torture to this one that only Japan can execute with such precise softness.

You Are Mine (Taiwan Fri Viki) eps 7 of 10 - I remain charmed. But while the me of 2018 would have thought this one of the best BLs ever, the me of now is finding it a bit dated and nostalgic.

Bon Appetit (Korea Weds iQIYI) 7-8fin - Romance between an office worker and the man from his past next door who cooks well. It was a very sweet and cute tale of food as love in the All the Liquors family of KBL. I’m not wild about it, I did enjoy it, I was happy to have it show up on my dash, but ultimately it will simply become one of the KBL crowd. 8/10 

Kiseki: Dear to Me (Taiwan Tues Viki & iQIYI) ep 10 of 13(?) - another one where they are separated for most of the show. Although the sides are giving win. 

Bump Up Business (Korea Gaga) 1-2 of 8 - from Idol Romance staring OnlyOneOf's Nine & Mill, this released as a movie in July in SK but is now being recut/reissued as a series. Love story between a trainee who is about to debut and a celebrity plagued by scandal. After that OmegaX Shoulder bullshizz business I am very wary of this show, but this pair is already better cast.

Out of the mouths of OnlyOneOf (!!!) babes...

As to the show? I don’t know. I mean I love the idea, am nervous about Korea (with that bubble) doing a meta critique of the BL industry, with K-pop idols, using an existing group. It just seems like there’s a lot of mines in this small field, and it could go horribly horribly wrong. I am enjoying it, but also anxious the whole time I’m watching it for culture/market reasons. That said, I did pretty much ask for this exact show. So I can't complain, now can I?  

Mr Cinderella 2 (Vietnam Sat YT) ep 5 of ? - I honestly don’t entirely understand what is going on. But it all seems to be the Psychotic Pretty Kitty’s fault. Oo caught in the act of drug-induced cheating - DRAMA. Dung should cut his losses and leave - cute doctor husband or not. Lovely kiss from the sides. I gotta say, this cast is hella pretty. I’m not mad that this team is kind of turning into GMMTV Vietnam.

It's Airing But...

I Feel You Linger in the Air (Fri grey) ep 8 of 12 - I will try to watch 8-12 and do a series review when I get back in November but... not sure I will be able to. Fingers crossed.

Love in Translation (Sat iQIYI) ep 8fin - completed, my final thoughts in Nov.

What Did You Eat Yesterday Season 2 AKA Kinou Nani Tabeta? Season 2 (Japan Fri Gaga) ep 1 of 10 - I find this series more fun to binge, so I'm waiting until it completes its run.

I Cannot Reach You AKA I Can't Reach You AKA Kimi ni wa Todokanai (Japan Tues Netflix-Japan & ????) - in classic JBL fashion, I Cannot Reach You could not be reached. 

Can I Buy Your Love From A Vending Machine? AKA Sono Koi, Jihanki de Kaemasu ka? (Japan cinema release in-country only) - This one is a movie from Japan so in customary fashion who tf knows when (or if) it will get international distribution. Salaryman Ayumu Koiwai just can't tear his eyes away from the strong, muscular man as he checks on the stocks of the vending machine in his office.

One Room Angel (Japan Gaga) - Yukinori, a convenience store clerk was accidentally stabbed by a thug and nearly died. He returns home to find an angel waiting for him. The drama is an adaptation based on Harada’s manga of the same name (which I did not like). With only five episodes and a good chance this won’t end happily, I am going to wait and let you tell me how it goes. Binge it when it is complete if it's safe.

In Case You Missed It

GMMTV posted their initial 2024 line up, here's my round up of the BLs. It includes 2 JBL adaptations, 2 KBL adaptations (that they aren't admitting to) and vampires. If you want to know how I did on the predictions that's here and the answer is: very badly indeed.

I am watching the Y Journey: Stay Like a Local series. But they are essentially tourist board long-form advertisements. I enjoy the promo aspect with regards to the food. And seeing some of my favorite pairs do interesting other things is kinda fun. But the whole thing feels disingenuous when gay marriage is still not legal and it’s essentially the Thai government (making these ads) who is stopping that from happening. I have a similar feeling to iQIYI as a content provider. It’s not queerbaiting in the original sense of the term, but it’s pretty gross to use gay for advertising with a nationalistic propaganda agenda, when being gay is still not legal in your country. Yes I struggle to reconcile myself with this on the regular, and it’s an ongoing hypocritical struggle for my tiny withered tired old heart.

All that said, this week's installment, He’s Not Happy, did make me want to rewatch Make a Wish. There’s no kissing in this series but JudoFluke kiss beautifully, so If you haven’t seen Make a Wish, it’s very good and I recommend tracking it down.

Next Week Looks Like This

Upcoming October BL

10/26 My Dear Gangster Oppa (Thai iQIYI) 8 eps - nerd retreats from the world into an online game and makes friends with a little group, they meat in real life, one of them is hot, they fall in love, hottie turns out to be a gangster. Trailer

10/31 SHADOW (Thai Gaga) - this is a horror BL featuring ghosts and other paranormal elements in a high school setting. I'm not wild about Thai horror (or horror at all). It features Singto (who did paranormal BL He's Coming to Me) opposite Fluke N (who's done a couple horror's before). Also Fiat. Dan suffers from sleep paralysis, and in his dreams he sees a shadow that suffocates him. It gets worse when he transfers schools.

2023 forthcoming BL master post (see comments, some are inaccurate, NOT KEPT UPDATED).

THIS WEEK’S BEST MOMENTS

We stan consent and talking about sex during sex. Thank you Venus in the Sky.

I guess Ray's getting his 3some? Only Friends

Dangerous Romance hitting up some old school tropes.

Naughty Babe giving us our beloved domesticity and tiny gay families. @heretherebedork you happy?

(Last week)

[tyonfs]

the marriage and baby project (teaser)

PAIRING ▸ mark lee x fem!reader

GENRES ▸ smut, fluff, crack, college au, fake dating (marriage?) au

SUMMARY ▸ mark lee has had the biggest crush on you for years, so, naturally, he’s over the moon when you’re both partnered for a group project. however, he underestimates just how close two people can get when they have to pretend they’re married for a month while taking care of a fake baby.

ESTIMATED WORD COUNT ▸ 8k words

AUTHOR’S NOTE ▸ the dunk shot series is not dead guys :’) sorry this series was sort of at a standstill for a bit but here’s the teaser for mark’s installment !! ♡ send me an ask or comment if you want to be on the tag list! (warnings will be added in the final fic) 

THE ONLY REASON WHY MARK TOOK FAMILY AND CONSUMER SCIENCE WAS BECAUSE his friends told him it would be an easy A for a general education requirement he needed to fulfill. No one clued him in on having to become a married man and father.

“Hi, Mark,” you greeted with a smile, sliding into the seat next to him. “I guess I’m Y/N Lee for the next few weeks.”

He felt his heart drop to his stomach.

Here was a brief rundown: you were essentially a femme fatale, a drop-dead gorgeous it-girl; and Mark was a loser who was somewhat good at playing basketball. On top of that, Mark harbored the biggest crush on you since forever.

Forever dated back to high school. Although Mark never spoke to you much, he had always thought you were the most breathtaking individual he had ever seen. That was probably why he was malfunctioning right now. He had never gotten the opportunity to be around you like this, mostly because you were dating Vernon Chwe up until last year. All he could do was admire from afar helplessly, eyes lingering as you strode down hallways.

Chenle told him that there was a definite shelf life on relationships like yours and Vernon’s—relationships that were mostly physical—so he was confident you two wouldn’t last. And he was right. When you and Vernon broke up, Mark felt bad seeing your sad eyes, but an ugly part of him had been waiting for it to happen.

This situation, however, was like winning the lottery. Not only was he partnered up with you, but he had to play the role of your husband? Things like this never really happened to Mark, so he figured some misfortunate was coming his way soon.

“Hey, Y/N,” he managed to get out.

“Come up and get your babies,” the professor instructed. “These RealCare infant simulators use wireless programming to track and report on your behaviors, which is why I had you all sign those consent forms.” She held up one of the dolls for everyone to see. “I’m not gonna require you all to keep your dolls in a car seat, but I will be able to see records of misuse, clothing changes, temperature changes, whether you’ve rocked, fed, or burped your baby, or respond to its cries.”

Great. He had to walk around campus with a plastic baby. Mark’s friends were never going to let him live this down.

He wondered if the RealCare infant could play basketball.

He turned to face you again. “Do you want a boy or girl?”

“Mark Lee,” his professor chided, and he nearly jumped when saw her standing right beside his desk. “You don’t get to choose the gender of your child in real life, so I’ll be randomly assigning each couple a baby.”

“I don’t think we’ve considered the possibility of gene editing.”

“You can take that up with Congress.”

GENERAL TAG LIST ▸ @papiiimark @jaehy9ngs @chanluster @jjhmk @marksflute @superhajimark @jeongyoonohs @marklexleaf @dnylwoo @kpop-bambi @miyrisa @jjikyuu @venesiun @seventeeneration @chenosaurus16 @kylomeyon @infnteen @ohmarkly  @weish5n @thejeongjaehyun​ @lovesjenmoong​ @infnteen​ @wownajaemin​ @haruharux23 @pewpewpwe00 @scxrlettkx @pckeia @keijikunn @sapiowoman28 @atiny-doodles @loki-in-hogwarts @baekhyuns-lipchain @repjaehyn @chan-s-laptop @jen0zen @michplusb @yutassecrettime @minkis-simp​ @dreamyyang​ @catscoffeeandkpop​ @ahgastayzen​ @ryu-naa

[presidenthades]

⚠️HOtD season 2 ep. 4 spoilers⚠️

Your thoughts on this ep🎤?!

Adding my two cents: SUNFYRE AND AEGON WERE SO CUTE, but wtf was that fight🧍🤨 Aemond bbg wtf?? Anyhow, cuties:

TLDR: I’m not even mad anymore, I’m just disappointed (by the writing, per usual; the rest of the show is fine). I’m mostly still on the S2 boat because of the little moments like Sunny and Egg. It makes for great fanfic fuel!

Honestly, this was Criston’s best episode of the entire season so far. Getting him away from Alicent and putting him on the battlefield showcases his better qualities. Also, I love his interactions with Gwayne, it gives me life. Would totally watch a spinoff series where the two of them go on side quests.

I feel like the Harrenhal scenes aren’t super important narratively and the screentime could’ve been devoted to other characters. HOWEVER. The Harrenhal bits are just so fun to watch that I can’t really complain. TBH, it feels like Daemon is getting the best writing (in terms of character arc and narrative coherence) of all the main cast. But uh…one does wonder why he drinks a random-ass potion from a witch lady who just told him he’s gonna die at Harrenhal. (Speaking of whom, I am greatly enjoying Alys Rivers. I’m glad they haven’t made her a femme fatale. She’s just weird. Joff would love her.)

Opinion: they got rid of Kermit Tully and made Oscar the heir because the show wants to minimize Muppet memes. Very sad. 😔

If you’re following my blog, then you know I’m an Aegon fan, so I acknowledge I’m probably biased. But all of the Greens are just shitting on Aegon this episode, holy cow. I totally understand Aemond being snotty and excluding Aegon from schemes; even in the most generous interpretation of their brotherly relationship, they’re often at odds and Aemond looks down on Aegon. But Cole is the Hand of the King, not the Hand of Aemond. Even if Cole is on the front lines, he should be including Aegon.

Alicent has just completely lost the sympathetic traits she possessed in S1. I’ve never thought of her as an especially good mother, but she did love her children—definitely Aemond and Helaena, and there were the “do you love me” and standing between Aegon and the dragon scenes. She also seems to have forgotten that she was one of the people yelling at Aegon to step up and take the crown, and now she wants to hit the reverse button. 🙄 S2 Alicent is not the same character as S1 Alicent, and even S1 Alicent varied from episode to episode. For fic purposes, I’m just completely ignoring what the show writers are doing with her because it makes no sense.

I think TGC would’ve killed a scene where he gets to speak more fluent High Valyrian, but it makes sense that Aegon isn’t good at speaking it. Aegon has never been the scholarly sort, and High Valyrian (if you’ve been trying it on duolingo like me) is not an intuitive language for English-only speakers. I do think Aegon should’ve learned more dragon commands at least, but apparently Sunfyre decided to be the world’s first bilingual dragon and learn common tongue for Aegon’s sake. :3 At this point I’m convinced that Sunfyre is the only living creature who actually unconditionally loves Aegon. No wonder Aegon is messed up.

Back in Driftmark: we finally get confirmation of who the Hull boys are! Not explicitly, but it’s hard to deny that they’re Corlys’s kids like in the book. I kinda wish we got more scenes with Rhaenys talking about/interacting with them though. She seems to have had complicated feelings about the boys.

Visually, the battle was amazing to watch. Some of the best shots I’ve seen during the entire show. But, as I often complain about, the characters’ actions don’t make sense. If you’ve been on social media, then you’re probably aware that Aemond attacking Aegon has been very controversial, and for good reason. I cannot comprehend the Aemond stans (I’m an Aemond fan, but I’m very aware that he’s a flawed character who can act stupidly sometimes) who refuse to acknowledge that this was NOT a good move. Vhagar is a formidable dragon but she can’t win a 1 v 4 against Caraxes, Syrax, Vermax, and Moondancer (and those aren’t even all the dragons the Blacks will eventually have). Vhagar could take out some of the other dragons, but she’s definitely dying in a battle like that. So no, this was not a smart or strategic action on Aemond’s part, at all.

It could be explained as an action taken in the heat of the moment, with Aemond overcome by adrenaline and his anger toward Aegon. But we just saw Aemond two episodes ago being sad about killing Luke, against whom he held a grudge for years because of his eye. Aegon is his brother, and their interactions in S1E8 indicated that even if they’re not besties, they do operate on the same wavelength. Aegon was an idiot for making fun of Aemond in S2E3, but that should not have pushed Aemond over the edge to attempted fratricide/regicide.

At least Cole and Sunfyre care about Aegon, since clearly nobody else does. 🥲 *author shoves a Jacaera toward Aegon*

[campgender]

still a practitioner of bibliomancy some days, & my god am i grateful for every voice that reaches back, every fem(me) of the past who senses my openness & honors it.

will be transcribing the passage that’s holding my heart rn asap but for the moment have some more details on the situation i referenced yesterday under the cut. obv expecting to continue to feel a lot of different shit about this but rn i feel impossibly, spiritually held & comforted & i’m just so grateful 😭💓

cw rape culture, violations of consent, nazism, transmisogyny

hello lovers haters & miscellaneous spectators. welcome to another rant about mac’s sex life.

so.

girl i’ve been hooking up with for like 10 months reblogs a “your body my choice” meme.

it’s someone’s tits.

once i calm down enough to deal with it i check the op’s blog. of course it’s a stolen image.

op is a “““pagan traditionalist””” who posts for her future husband, believes women are in general ‘naturally’ submissive to men, in describing her body manages to refer to all women as having uteruses, & encourages people who’ve read to the end of her bio to dm her “Wingardium Leviosa”

if op isn’t making nazi propaganda idk why not bc apparently she’s really good at it.

so i was already triggered as shit,

esp bc i’d just learned that morning i think about that phrase being deployed against middle school kids in peer abuse

which was obv so triggering for my cocsa shit in addition to it being almost my birthday which always makes me a raw nerve

& then asserting a boundary is agonizing, my brain in self-defense attempts to make it impossible

& there’s that little voice of “is that gonna be my tits some day”

& i’m blaming myself for having fucked her past the first issue we had or maybe at all

so i’ve just been like. a mess of “maybe it’s fine maybe everything’s fine maybe i couldn’t have gotten over it on an embodied level but i shouldn’t have said anything” etc etc

i start reading my scan of the first half of with a rough tongue: femmes write porn

amber dawn writes that she is exhausted navigating the tensions between feminism & sex radicalism, these two parts of herself & two communities she moves in.

my god, amber, i am exhausted.

she says she was inspired to create this pornography collection because she came across a shot from her own sex work on the internet

over which someone had added a caption

that wasn’t me, she said, so she built a collection that was

& i fucking wept. like obviously it is so horrific that that happened to her, that this happens to so many people, but it was such a profound validation that it is okay to take this sort of shit seriously, that if i’m a pedant & a buzzkill & a killjoy i’m not the only one, that we are exhausted.

that we keep making porn anyway. because it’s important to our lives, because we love it

[m1ckeyb3rry]

Shit why do I do this to myself. I reread twins and MY GOD IM IN SO MUCH PAIN I feel gutted, stabbed, shot, skinned, flayed, burnt, drowned, chocked and since that was such an addictive chapter I had to go on to defeat. Gosh your writing feels so real it’s insane, it’s as if the characters aren’t characters but real people their choices and words are so REAL and so true to how humans would be. AND you do such an amazing job at portraying how flawed they are, I feel like a lot of fics I read tend to make characters too good-ish ykwim? Also, I love how Friedrich (the loml 😍) doesn’t completely fall into comforting Y/N but instead makes her take responsibility and forces her to face the consequences of her actions, while Colt is a lot more sympathetic and softer towards her which just melts my heart. I am sososososoeoeoso grateful I found you, your writing is godlike and ur shitposts lowk make my day 😁 (this might be the first ever sith ask I’ve sent with emojis that aren’t crying) and ofc I can’t send this off w/o a friedrich rant: loveofmylifeforeverandever what am I supposed to do without him, I think my obsession has been getting out of hand lately cos he’s all I’ve been thinking about AND I CANT EVEN TALK TO MY FRIENDS ABT HIM!1!1 I’m supposed to be a nonchalant dreadhead, not a fanfic xreader connoisseur who gets a visceral reaction at the tiniest mention of a nonexistent aot character😣😣

AHAHAH twins is a crazy chapter alice’s pov is…something…she as a character in general is so odd like i think given her situation and whatnot she makes SENSE and especially as a parallel to y/n she’s very important (especially given her perspective and view of character’s we’ve only seen through an unreliable narrator thus far) but she is such a freak and also so tragic but it’s also like as bad as you feel for her she’s also a victim of like. a self-imposed tragedy?? it’s all just very strange like i’m the one who wrote her and even i never know how i feel about her on a day to day basis. also i’m responding to this on my ipad so idk how long it’ll be so i’m adding a read more jic

YAYYY thank you so much i really appreciate that!! i def know what you’re talking about — a lot of people are scared to make their characters feel too flawed or human which makes sense because it’s fiction so we want to read about people who are better than us!! but ship in the harbor especially was explicitly written to be a deconstruction of the glorified war stories and specifically the badass girlboss femme fatale trope with the character of y/n. if you take away the context of the story then she has all of the makings to be another ya heroine who everyone praises: she’s explicitly stated to be very beautiful, is super smart, has an uncanny skill with a weapon that makes her strong despite physically being weak, is able to win an entire war with her ideas + is considered a hero by people for that, and has many beautiful men in love with her!! HOWEVER this trope has always annoyed me especially because of how lightly killing other people is taken in stories like that where it’s just like “meh whatever they were #villains” hence why i really really tried to show how it would impact the characters and how killing people and war and violence and all of that aren’t just “ha ha action plot !1!1” but they can have legitimate consequences on the people who take part in them.

even the guys who are in love with her are meant to be examples of just that: friedrich in another story could be considered the typical “edgy” love interest who would do anything for her and is a sarcastic charming guy with violent tendencies however in sith we see that he’s so attached to her at first because she represents innocence and needs to be protected, then because she literally holds his and his family’s lives in her hands (as she threatens to report his theft of food to the marleyans if he tries to quit the candidacy), and finally because she’s really the only person who understands him and vice versa. with colt he COULD’VE been the typical “sweet” golden retriever li but as we know he does plenty of selfish stuff, he’s concerned with his family above all else, and he leads soldiers to their death just like the rest. even hadrian and marek (although marek isn’t necessarily a love interest but in another world he would’ve been) are inversions of popular tropes: instead of a girl nursing a man back to health and he falls in love with her, it’s hadrian who nurses y/n to health and shows her the truth about the world (before she runs away anyways) and with marek even though y/n is technically the one who gets him to talk and open up it’s his acceptance and view of her as a hero which allows her to finally start thinking of herself in a more complex lens than just a black-and-white “i’m evil” way. actually that’s kind of the purpose of the story as a whole, there rarely ever is a true evil and good in real life conflict, it’s all just people doing what they think is right!! if you look at marley vs athyae especially it’s obvious there were good and bad people on both sides — while obviously marley was the instigator and “more” wrong, there were also people like the warrior candidates fighting for them, whereas while the athyaens were the victims and “less” wrong, what they did to marek was INSANE (the chapter were y/n describes his wounds and he tells her about his torture is honestly more horrific to me than any of the ones that actually take place in athyae) so like how can you paint any one faction as solely evil or solely good??

ANYWAYS that was so much rambling and for what 😭 long story short thank you so much i really set out to make everything feel human and realistic so i’m glad you appreciated that!! i think sith is definitely very special to me for that reason as i’ve never really gone so in depth with a deconstruction as i did with it (also why the outline might seem to fall flat/be cliche — the entire point of sith was to take cliche tropes and explain how they would actually play out but without the elaboration it just feels like cliche events are occurring for no reason)

LKSJDFD yeah for being the one who’s disgustingly in love with y/n (not that colt isn’t but it’s to a lesser extent) friedrich is always the FIRST to call her out…meanwhile colt is much gentler with her and honestly i think that’s what makes them work as a trio!! it’s also mentioned at some point i think in the chapter where y/n thinks friedrich is dying of lung disease that colt had come to talk to friedrich about his issues with y/n and honestly in my mind i think friedrich is really supportive and a good listener with colt (besides teasing him constantly) he’s just specifically calling y/n out because he knows no one else will do it!! which is actually true LMAOO he only gets away with it because she’s kind of incapable of being mad at him or saying no to him (if you think about it i think friedrich is the only character who she’s never had like active beef with and who she listens to if he yells at her instead of yelling back)

OMGGG YOU’RE TOO SWEET I’M SORRY I JUST WROTE AN ENTIRE ESSAY IN RESPONSE TO THIS!! BUT i really appreciate it and i’m glad you like my shitposts i LOVEEE making shitposts and just writing whatever on here!! i’m also so glad that you still think about sith and friedrich and the rest even now hehe it really does make me feel so appreciated and like people enjoy what i write to the extent that they even love this silly little guy who i entirely made up from my mind 🥹 always feel free to send me sith asks i’ll always be happy to rant about them literally whenever

[my-mt-heart]

Is the reason why you want a female showrunner so bad because most romance writers are women? I want canon Caryl but I don’t want TWD to be Bridgerton or Gilmore Girls with zombies.

Just because I want a romantic journey for Caryl doesn't mean I want someone to turn their show into Bridgerton or Gilmore Girls and it also doesn't mean a female showrunner would. If we should worry about anyone taking romance in the wrong direction, it’s Zabel and co. who are now comparing Daryl to a “lonely knight” from a Lamartine poem🤨 The reason I need an experienced female showrunner is because she's far more likely to connect with a deeply internal female character like Carol and an unconventional, also deeply internal, male character like Daryl. She can highlight their nuances and appeal to a largely female audience + many male viewers who don't fit the hypermasculine stereotype. She can help that audience grow and get the show a lot of mainstream attention.

I’m not saying men can’t write for these characters, but the toxic white men TWDU only seems to hire now are far too self-indulgent. They don't write for the characters or for their fans. Look at how Daryl often comes across in S1– as a white American savior, eligible bachelor, emotionally constipated except when he’s angry, and someone who can make eyes at a woman he barely knows despite having someone at home. That's not the Daryl so many people fell in love with during the Sophia arc in the flagship show. That's not the loyal family man who wears his heart on his sleeve and reserves any "glances' for the woman he’s always loved. They write their male protagonist from a limited perspective and same goes for the women. They turn them into tropes like the femme fatale (Maggie), the “good girl vs the whore” (Isabelle), the “manipulator” (also Isabelle), and the “strong woman” aka a woman who acts like an alpha male. Carol was a badass in 106, but there was no emotion behind her actions. Why couldn’t we get a closeup of her face while she was mounting the bike? Why couldn’t we see how worried she was about losing Daryl, the man who means everything to her? Was it cut? Was it even shot? Why didn’t the male EPs think that might be important?

Look at the ways they gatekeep. If “The Book of Carol” is supposed to shine a spotlight on our deeply internal female protagonist, then why are Zabel and Richman writing half the scripts themselves and why are their no female directors? Representation offscreen is just as important as representation onscreen.

Melissa will have had a lot to say about Carol's arc, which I think will make a big difference in S2 thankfully, but she still needs another woman in power to help her tell Carol's and Caryl's story the way she and her fans want it to be told and to promote Carol fairly. Notice how she keeps getting left out of promos or pitted against other characters or reduced to a subtitle? That does not mean Melissa has no agency or that she's weak. It means the misogyny at AMC, and TWDU in particular, runs too deep for her to be immune. She needs allies.

I need an experienced female showrunner for S3, otherwise I'm not interested. Zabel, Nicotero, and Gimple are a ticking timebomb. S1 was pretty damaging. I'm hoping S2 won't be, but at some point there's going to be no coming back from one of their careless decisions and I can't watch that happen to the two iconic characters who have functioned as fictional role models in both my personal and professional life. I need to know that AMC values Melissa, Carol, and Caryl as much as I do as a fan. Letting the men run amuck, letting them shit on Melissa/Carol/Caryl and their fans constantly, is not very convincing.

[lajulie24]

jaina solo is mary sue

What an interesting assertion to leave in my inbox! Especially because without context it’s not entirely clear whether that’s meant to be a question (do I think Jaina Solo is a Mary Sue?) or a challenge (e.g. “Jaina Solo is a Mary Sue, prove me wrong”).

And, assuming we conclude this statement is true, is that supposed to be a bad thing? If Jaina is a Mary Sue, am I not allowed to like her as a character? Or is she supposed to be my guilty pleasure or something if I do like her? (I don’t really have guilty pleasures, anyway, I prefer just to have pleasures.) I do have lots of thoughts, so thank you in advance, dear Anon, for the ask and the opportunity to share them.

At this point I will freely admit that I have not read a ton of Jaina Solo stuff in Legends. A lot of Wookieepedia articles and fics in which she appears, yes, a lot of the actual books in which she appears, no. I do have a version of the character that I put into my Sequel Trilogy fix-it fic series, but she has some significant differences from her Legends canon counterpart (a couple big ones being that her turned-to-the-Dark-Side brother isn’t her twin, and she’s the younger sister by quite a lot).

However, being around the fandom one does glean some general opinions, so I’ll take a shot at talking about “Jaina Solo is a Mary Sue.” Buckle up, I’m going to be very wordy here.

I really recommend the @thisweekinfandomhistory podcast episode they did on the concept of “the Mary Sue” — it’s a great rundown of where the concept came from, how it evolved over time, how it has affected fanfiction writing as well as mainstream characters in books, TV, and film, and some of the not-so-subtle ways it’s been used to police how we write or how we enjoy femme-presenting characters. The general concept of the Mary Sue is of a (almost always female) character who is sort of a blatant self-insert, where they have all kinds of amazing skills or powers, and are so attractive that everyone is in love with them or wants to be their friend, and they’re friends with all the main characters, and the story sort of starts being about how awesome they are, they saved the day and everyone clapped. The idea is that writing a Mary Sue into your story makes your story terrible and boring and they’re just a flat character who sucks. I think.

So — Jaina Solo. In Legends canon she is:

Strongly connected to main characters we know and love (eldest child and only daughter of Han Solo and Leia Organa and niece of Luke Skywalker)

Extremely strong in the Force and a Jedi with the crazy Skywalker-brand Force lineage

An incredible pilot and very mechanically savvy as well (also probably helped out by the whole extremely-Force-sensitive thing as well as having at least two incredible pilots in the family)

Able to speak Shryiiwook (makes sense given that Chewie is her father’s best friend, has a life debt to her father, and is pretty much part of the family)

Very attractive (some combo of her mother’s and her father’s good looks, probably more so Leia’s)

Everyone is in love with her (there is an ongoing war among various love interests, including Jagged Fel, Zekk, and Kyp Durron, plus Ta’Chume once tried to marry her off to Isolder when his wife (also the mother of Jaina’s close friend Tenel Ka) was still alive and very much still married to him)

Super-special because of her twin bond with Jacen and being the Sword of the Jedi and having the Vong think she was their trickster goddess

Okay, so there could be some ingredients here that point to Mary Sue for Jaina, particularly the “she’s extremely skilled and the best at all these things” and “everyone is fighting over her affections” business. I would argue the fight of Jaina’s love interests is less about Jaina and more about the fact that in the era many of those books were written, apparently the only way they knew to give women conflict was to a) have them fight with other women (this is a problem they gave Leia a lot too) or b) have them worry about which man they should choose. Or the typical back and forth among authors who had competing love interests and wanted theirs to win. (Side note: Jaina and Tenel Ka should have gotten together at least for a while. Or Jaina should have pulled a Kelly Taylor from 90210 and said “I choose me.”)

Here’s the thing about Jaina having mad skills at multiple things, though. As you can see from most of the bullets above, her skills aren’t just out of the blue so someone could make an overpowered self-insert character. There are solid reasons for those skills. And why do we hear so much about her adventures and her skills? Well, the book series in which adolescent/adult Jaina appears are called Young Jedi Knights and The New Jedi Order. If she’s one of the titular Young Jedi Knights, or a member of the New Jedi Order, she’s one of the beings the book is about! And honestly, however you feel about those series, you’re gonna have a bad time if the whole New Jedi Order series is about Jedi who have no skills and always lose and suck.

Hey, you know who else has a lot of skills and is an excellent pilot and does crazy bonkers things with the Force and often comes and saves the day and has lots of love interests in Legends? Luke Skywalker. Is Luke a Mary Sue? (Well, he’s a man. Being a Mary Sue is apparently reserved for women. So I guess not.)

I don’t think Jaina is a Mary Sue, but let’s say she is and go back to my earlier point: so what?

Women are not exactly featured in the Star Wars universe. My girl Leia is a main character, but there are more women dancing for a Hutt in Return of the Jedi than actually have speaking lines in the original trilogy. (The minuscule number of humans of color in the Star Wars universe is a whole other issue, so blatant that SNL once did a skit about it featuring Lando.)

Maybe we get to have a female character who is beautiful and smart, crazy powerful in the Force, a kickass Jedi, an ace pilot with more kills at nineteen than several of the Rogues put together, who brings all the boys to the yard. (And probably plenty of beings of other genders, let’s be real.) Who is Han Solo and Leia Organa’s beloved daughter, Luke Skywalker’s beloved niece, Chewbacca’s beloved family, Jacen and Anakin’s beloved sister, Mara Jade’s beloved niece and Jedi apprentice, friend to many. Who struggles with her identity and her purpose, who grieves, who grapples with the Dark Side, who worries about winning peace for the galaxy but ending up alone in her life. Maybe I want to read about and write her adventures — which could, yes, include which being she ends up with romantically. Maybe I put a little of myself in there, or a lot of myself, or what I’d want to be if I had even half the talents she has and lived in the Star Wars universe.

Maybe we get to have a kickass Organa-Solo daughter with a purple lightsaber, as a treat. And maybe we get to have as many treats as we want.

TL;DR: “jaina solo is a mary sue” 1. No, she isn’t. 2. Maybe she is, and maybe that’s okay. Great, even.

Congratulations if you waded through this whole thing, Anon, and thank you for the very intriguing ask!