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the tortured poets department

Bonus Chapter

Info Post

Moodboards

Part I

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Contains/TW: HAPPY LATE V-DAY LESBIANS!! i’ve had this idea for a while and i knew my elmelia girlies had been starving for a while so i wanted to give you another bonus chapter 💙 not a ton of warnings i don’t think besides subtle mention of self harm and set in a long term residential psych facility. HOWEVER, this is not meant to romanticize psych facilities in any way! i’m someone who has personal experience with staying in one and i do know of a couple long term facilities that throw celebration events for the patients that have been there for a while and i really wanted to portray some sort of healing for them as well! also some content of caitlyn being the sweetest big sister of all time because i will not have her portrayed as a villian in this verse 😤 lastly just your usual tooth rotting fluff and our lovely angsty pairing xx (also some liiiite future character cameos from some of your other fandoms maybe?? 🤭)

WC: around 3.4k?? i think??

Bonus Chapter

Midnight Rain

It might’ve seemed odd, supremely out of character, a take that would’ve made you think I was completely taking the piss even; but Ellie really fucked with formal events. And the moment she had set foot in the facility to now, she had been raving about the wellness gala the facility threw at the end of the summer. Set about a week before our release with invites sent out to all of our families it was sort of made to be a celebration of all of the improvements we had made over the summer. Tell our success stories. Inspiration porn if you will.

Nevertheless though after a summer of wearing and washing the same pairs of jeans and sweatpants most of us were dying for the chance to get dressed in our finest and finally start to actually feel special, for once. Given the fact it was a gala, and fancy parties was what my parents did best, I almost even expected them to show up. But whenever Caitlyn popped in during visiting hours earlier that day to drop off our outfits I was hit with the same disappointing news. While they made a generous donation and they send their love, they’re unable to make it.

It wasn’t surprising… I guess in the long run I should’ve expected it. As usual though, right before it was about to start I still found myself alone on the rooftop garden, ruining what little bit of makeup I had managed to put on without Caitlyn’s help. It was almost picture perfect, a girl alone in a ballgown, black mascara and eyeliner streaks running down her face. It really was the most perfect dress too, my favorite color, the perfect shade of navy blue that slowly faded to a lighter hue towards the bottom that seemed to flare with layers of tulle in the most perfect way. The bodice decorated in intricate beadwork of various constellations and single stars that almost rivaled the midnight sky. And with off the shoulder tulle sleeves, it had been the first time all summer that I wasn’t hiding my scars from somebody besides Ellie. The first time I actually felt comfortable in something enough to do so, that they’d be too busy staring at the dress rather than my arms. But the people I wanted to see me for who I was the most weren’t here, and I don’t think they ever would be.

“Cinderella?” Ellie’s familiar sing-song voice carried from the entrance causing me to lift my head and glance back at her. God, she was breathtaking even in the most simple of outfits. Clad in a silk button-down shirt that matched the main color of the dress perfectly, a sleek pair of black dress pants, a black suit jacket, and of course, the trusty pair of combat boots she never took off. I even wore similar ones of my own underneath my dress. “You know you’re only supposed to run away whenever the clock strikes 12, right? Not whenever the mascs are getting ready because you know it’ll still take them longer.”

I let out a tearful chuckle despite the ache in my chest, pushing myself up to my feet to whirl around to face her. “Sorry I uhhh… I really needed some air. Too much hairspray.” I spoke with a little sniffle, eyes softening as she approached with a gentle look of sympathy in her own eyes. And I almost hated it, had I not loved her so much. “You look- a-absolutely stunning, Ellie. I-I’m sorry if I’m- fucking any of it up.”

“Oh fuck off, you’re the only reason I look this good anyways.” She said with a shake of her head before sliding her calloused hands into my own as the hint of a smile ghosted on her lips. It didn’t last too long though before she was letting out a sad sigh and pulling herself closer, running gentle hands along my bare arms. “You look beautiful too, you know? And I’m really sorry your parents can’t see that.”

“It’s nothing new, I-I don’t even know why I’m still up here crying like- there are so many people who have it worse. I mean- you don’t even have any family coming and you still have to be the one to comfort me like, i-it’s so unfair.” I rambled on, the incessant tears already pooling in my eyes again.

“Hey, shut up.” Ellie spoke with the upmost love, only shaking her head as she slid those protective but so gentle arms around me. I muffled another tiny sob into her collar, letting the tears soak onto the fabric and hopefully not turn my face into even more of a mess than it already was. “I have family, I have you… and I think that means Caitlyn’s taking me on as her own too? I mean I could definitely be wrong but-"

“Oh no, she definitely has. And she’s also definitely not letting you pay her back for that outfit by the way.” I spoke through another tearful giggle of my own as I lifted my head from her shirt. “Think of her as like your sister-in-law except we’re not engaged or anything.”

“If we’re still chronically bitchless by the time we turn 30 though then we might as well because honestly I still struggle to picture any of my future girlfriends measuring up to you right now because like- like actually wow, h-have you looked in the mirror? Because my heart feels like it’s gonna beat out of my chest just looking at you.” She was breathless as she rambled on, cheeks rapidly turning as red as roses as she let her eyes scan me down once more. And finally I could feel my eyes start to dry up, the ache to disappear from my own chest as she effortlessly stitched up the previous breaks from before. It never did take her too much.

“Don’t tell them that because I’d hate to put a bitch in her place.” I teased with another laugh, lifting my arms upwards to prop on her shoulders. From a certain angle it almost looked like we were dancing together, a silent duet with no company but the stars. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t feel anything for her in that moment. An innate fear that one day she actually would move on, she actually would find somebody that measured up to me (not that I thought I was much) and slowly we would grow apart. I wouldn’t be able to fall asleep on her chest at night, I wouldn’t be able to hold onto her arm during meltdowns, or make her silly little flower crowns that she’d always wrap around the little bun she wore her hair in.

“Hey, what’s on your mind?” She finally spoke up over the roaring silence, brushing aside a stray piece of my hair with the most delicate of touches.

“Too much… I think.” I said with a shaky sigh, hands curling around her shoulders as I tried to bite back the words. But god I had been trying like hell all summer to keep those words at bay, and I just didn’t think I had the strength to anymore. “Do you think in another life… it could’ve been us?”

“Baby-” Her voice came out in a sad sigh as her gentle hand pressed to my cheek. The nickname was rare, though it always felt like she wanted to say it more, instead patching it up with friendlier diction and connotations. It was moments like these I don’t think she could help herself though.

“Look, I know- I know it can’t be this one, I get it. I don’t like it, but I get it. But in another life maybe? Maybe we met in a different way and it just… it worked out?” I explained, each statement narrowly bracing for the hit of disappointment as my voice shook more and more with each word. But it never came, instead I could only feel Ellie’s hands sliding around my waist to bring me back into her, tucking my face back into the crock of her shoulder.

“Yeah, I really do.” She spoke with another sad sigh as she leaned her cheek against my head. “In another life, I think we either met in a record store or a bookstore. You couldn’t reach the top shelf and you needed a far more capable lesbian to help you-"

“Hey!” I exclaimed with a laugh as I gave her a playful shove causing her to only giggle and shrug.

“I mean it’s true, you can’t reach the top shelf, can you?”

“Neither can you without standing up on your tiptoes!” I fired back with a stern finger pointed her way.

“Well maybe in this universe I’m like, 5’8 or 5’9 maybe?” She suggested with a little tilt of her head as if seriously weighing the options.

“Oh, fuck off!” I rolled my eyes as I slipped my hands back into hers. “That’d just give you more opportunities to tease me.”

“Which you secretly love, might I add. Am I wrong?” Ellie read me with ease just in time for my cheeks to flush as I gave her another little shrug of my own.

“I like to cuddle into people whenever I hug them.” I admitted simply, Ellie’s small smile only growing in victory.

“As I thought.” She said with pride before stealing a look down at her watch. “Anyways, not to change the subject or anything but I am glad I caught you alone because- I have something I really wanted to give you. That’s totally not gonna help our star-crossed lovers case at all but… oh well.”

“Els, you didn’t have to get me anything- I- I didn’t think to get you anything.” My eyes were soft and cheeks red with embarrassment this time as she reached for the inner pocket of her suit jacket.

“Surely you don’t think I only get people gifts because of what they’ll get me, right? Besides, part of it’s mine anyways.” She said with a shy little shrug, back to being the same awkward yet somehow charming girl she was whenever I first met her. “So… I’ve been thinking a lot about how you call me the sun, and I think I’ve come to the conclusion that you’re the moon. And I could probably go on and on and on saying the cheesiest shit of all time but with the purpose of you not finding me cringeworthy, I won’t… and, I’ll just give you this.”

She pulled a jewelry box from her pocket, my eyes immediately widening and softening all at the same time as she pulled the velvet case open. In it sat two matching necklaces, one in the shape of a sun completed with little yellow diamonds and jewels, but blank on one side to fit the pendant of another necklace, a silver crescent moon magnetically attached, lined with little blue jewels. “Oh… my god, Ellie, these are beautiful. I- I’m never gonna take it off.” My vision went blurry once more, probably for the millionth time but this time for a vastly different reason as I placed my hand against her arm. “You picked these out yourself?”

“Well, I had a little help from Caitlyn on the outside but overall, yeah.” I watched her cheeks nearly glow the moment I lifted up onto my tiptoes to place a soft kiss on her cheek.

“Can you put it on me?” I asked, already bouncing up and down on the balls of my feet in excitement. It was like I had done a complete 180 from even just a few minutes earlier.

“Yeah, i-if you’ll put mine on?” Ellie said shyly.

“Well, obviously.” I giggled, whirling around to sweep my hair out of the way. I had to rise up on my tiptoes to latch Ellie’s behind her neck, not wasting any time to reach for the pendant and connect it right with my own. My smile only growing at the sight before softening to a more relaxed one. I couldn’t remember the last time I had truly felt relaxed, but my head against her shoulder underneath the stars with our conjoined necklaces I felt pretty close to it. “I love you, Els.” I muttered, lifting my arms to drape around her shoulders just as her own slid around my waist to pull me into the most gentle and innocent of embraces.

“I love you too, baby.” She sighed against my hair before brushing her lips to my temple. We lingered in that position for a moment… a long moment, and I probably could’ve stayed there forever in some silent dance with her. But before we knew it we were letting out matching sighs and prying ourselves off of each other. “You ready to do this? Oh- wait…” She began, reaching into her pocket once more to pull out a little compact of my face powder. “Figured we’d probably need this.”

“Because you know I’m a crybaby?” I questioned with a little giggle that she only followed with one of her own.

“You might be a crybaby, but you’re my crybaby.” She spoke, gently dotting the powdered foundation along the darkened tear streaks. “There, good as new.” She smiled softly, letting her soft hand linger against my cheek for just a second longer.

“Thank you… for everything.” I whispered, letting my head lean into her hands ever so slightly. “Now, let’s do this.”

The main public hall felt like it had been completely converted, from your casual check-in and visitor’s room to the doors of the ever elusive ballroom being thrown open and elegant white carpets leading from the entrance straight into the large expanse of space. The room was decorated in lush white flowers, shining fairy lights and lanterns. Large circular tables surrounded the outside of the ballroom, each seat labeled strategically with every name of the patients and the family that had rsvp-ed. And right on time I could see that familiar expanse of straightened navy blue hair clad in a sleek power suit with a silk tie of the same color of my dress.

“Right this way, Ms. Kiramman.” The orderly spoke as he lead her along the carpet, but it didn’t take her long to spot the two of us standing at the top of the stairs the moment her eyes scanned the room.

“Caity!” I practically squealed, feeling just like my 14-year-old self excited for her big sister to come home from college. Even if she did come home often, the joy never went away.

“There you guys are! I was beginning to think you were leaving me hanging!” She grinned as I broke out into a run towards her, tossing my arms around her shoulders just as I felt my feet leaving the ground as she wrapped me up into her safe arms. “Ellie, I could probably pick you up too if you wanted.” Caitlyn teased as she shot her a little wink before setting me back on the ground, immediately causing me to pull Ellie right in to our group.

“I’m cool with just a hug.” She replied with a little flush.

“I can definitely do that.” Caitlyn said with a soft smile as she pulled her right in next, and slowly I could even see Ellie relaxing in her arms. Caitlyn’s hugs were always the best though, her hugs were healing. “I’m trying really hard not to act like a mom right now but… I-I really am so proud, of both of you.” She began, each hand gripping one of ours with that delicate minuscule little smile of hers. “I know spending your summer in a psychiatric facility probably wasn’t at the top of your list but still… I’m so so proud of you. Also the house was really quiet over the summer and it drove me crazy so, it’ll be nice to have you back.”

“Oh, with Ellie staying with us it definitely won’t be quiet.” I giggled, trying to refrain from crying any harder than I already had. Meanwhile I think Ellie’s eyes were already swimming with tears.

“Thanks again, Caitlyn… for everything. You guys sort of saved my ass this year.” She sniffled, gluing her eyes to the floor as if not wanting anyone to see the obvious emotions she wasn’t used to being able to show.

“Hey, Williams, Kiramman!” A familiar voice sounded from the back entrances where the patients were filing in.

“Oh my god, Pricefield! You guys look so cute!” I practically squealed as I whipped around to face the couple with a bright smile.

“Take it in, you’re not gonna get me in a dress often!” Max exclaimed, gesturing towards the simple yet stunning blue silk dress that seemed to match Chloe’s hair perfectly and hugged her figure in just the right way.

“I’ll catch up with you guys inside.” Ellie chuckled a bit to herself as she placed a soft kiss against the top of my head.

“Tell those two psychos they better be at our table.” I giggled, glancing over my shoulder as I watched Ellie take off towards the couple in excitement.

“Chloe, since when did you own this slutty little number!” Ellie exclaimed as she picked at the sheer lace black top tucked into a pair of simple black dress pants with a black suit jacket buttoned over top.

“Since they wouldn’t let me wear it by itself! Now, why didn’t you tell me Millie’s sister was so fine!” Chloe added under her breath, but everything carried in a room this big. I don’t think she particularly cared about not being heard either.

“Hey!” Max scolded as she gave her a firm swat on the stomach.

Caitlyn let out a snicker from next to me as I slipped my hand in the crook of her elbow, “Pricefield?” She questioned with a lifted brow.

“Chloe Price and Max Caulfield… they’ve been dating since they got here so we call them Pricefield.” I explained with a chuckle of my own and a little squeeze of her arm. My breath hitched right in my throat the second we stepped inside the broad expanse of the ballroom however. “Wow, this is- this is incredible. I-I feel like I’m finally getting to experience prom.” I almost felt like a little kid stepping into a real life fairytale. Like a princess come to life.

“Oh, this is way better than prom.” Caitlyn laughed as she scanned the tables for our names before her eyes lit up. “Here we are!” She exclaimed, stopping right at a large circular table, white placards with our names scrawled in gold cursive sat side by side. “Now, before Ellie comes back… I have to ask.” She whispered underneath her breath as she pulled my chair back.

“Oh, here we go.” I flushed with a little roll of my eyes as Caitlyn plopped into the seat next to me.

“Come on… you guys are cute and she seems to make you really happy.” She said with her eyes softening as I instinctively reached for the moon pendant around my neck. “It’d be okay if you were, you know?”

“We- We talked about it, I-I guess.” I sighed, gulping an almost sad lump down my throat. “We just both decided it was ultimately probably a bad idea, dating your psych ward roommate that later becomes your inseparable best friend.” I explained with a shake of my head as I felt Caitlyn slip her hand into mine to give it a small squeeze. “Love’s just… really really complicated, you know? And what I love about Ellie is that our friendship isn’t… and I just don’t want that to change, I guess.”

“Love definitely is rather complicated.” Caitlyn sighed with a knowing look in her eyes as she lifted an arm to wrap around my shoulders. “But if you ever change your mind, she does have my approval.” She added with another soft smile.

“I can think of nothing more important, Cait.” I let out a snicker as I leaned my head against her shoulder, tightly slipping my arms around her in a side hug. “Thank you… for saving my life. I-I’m really trying not to get too emo but… still, thank you. You’re my- You’re my hero, Caitlyn.”

I barely had the chance to sniffle before Caitlyn was catching the stray tear with her thumb, “Oh Mills, you’re mine too.”

Credits: absolute BOMB dividers by @thecutestgrotto 💙

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