#and now that we're on the up and up im like oh i guess the rage is unyielding and relentless. cool
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Visit Tumblr Blog
Explore Tumblr blogs with no restrictions, modern design and the best experience.
Last Seen Tumblr Blogs
Fun Fact
Tumblr posted its first advertisements in May 2012 and subsequently earned $13M in revenue.
Note
do you write fic on ao3?
unfortunately for everyone involved i do!
#ask#and if youre wondering about my handle i write on anon so its doesnt particularly matter (shrugs)#and also i think its pretty easy to figure out which fics ive written because i want to makeout mad sloppy style with an em dash#anyways (waves offhandely) it doesnt really matter much because i have like posted an ss on here before so you know#its not like im trying to hide it like eh#but also because of my disposition that would put a tranced rabbit to shame i dont exactly yell it from the hilltops either#the moral of the story is if you ask me what im working on ill yap about it maybe like post an excerpt#and months later youll find something posted on anon and youll be like oh! so they finally posted it!#so to spare you all (lies on my tummy like we're at a sleepover and giggles) you wanna hear what im working on#haha of course you do youre a prisoner in my yap box#and i want an excuse to talk about it hidden in the tags so people skim over it and not read it <3#SO the earliest wip is from like early october about a magical realism au because i rewatched lwa as i usually do and well theres this one#ep about a magical animal if you will... and you can kinda guess what it is from that lol its sashaforsyekky#because the dreaded @/tungpin infected me with the brainworms about this trio specifically#and it really is ekky going 🥺 at whatever sashaforsy have (persumably) got going on woe is him its at 5k rn but uh ive stalled progress#because puppyekky has consumed my every thought which leads me to my second wip that ive been labouring over since the start of october#that also just broke 5k and not even remotely done lol whoops but its puppy ekky in a team environment with a heavy emphasis on the euros#rn there are scenes scrabbled out with sasha (multiple) mikksy luosty lundy and forsy. i know i have an idea for bobby.#and really lets see where the muse takes us i have vague ideas that are mmmhmm but we'll see when we get there!#the third one isnt the most likely to get finished but uh it is sashamaffhew global series stuff because it stemmed from#“it really is funny that sasha is treating the finland trip like he knocked up a girl#and is trying to make her meet his parents so it doesnt feel like a shotgun wedding when he you know marries her to take responsibility“#and i just think a maffhew pov with that thought in mind because of the whole touchy at e11even thing is funny to me like think mundane#slice of life oh i feel like im being wined and dined i hope i dont fuck it up jfc i think im fucking it up oh god this feels romantic#anyways it feels remotely ooc to me and it really was more of like a writing break from the wips stated above so (shrugs)#might not see the light of day but its 2k as of now so i do feel its a shame if i dont /try/ to finish it you know? its just low priority#anyways thats my writing check in and i am a prisoner to my own mind i will go insane haha these wont be published anytime soon#because i am slow and get distracted soooo easily so you know <3
9 notes
·
View notes
Text
Having a B3 overdose be like
#for the record im okay now#but an hour ago i thought i was dying of an allergic reaction#i felt like a vampire stepping out into the sun and catching fire#my whole face chest upper back elbows arms had red patches like hives#no itching no swelling no dizziness could still breathe and blood pressure was good#but i felt like i dived into a pool of lava#i seriously thought “oh shit this is spontaneous human combustion im gonna end up in a ripleys believe it or not special.”#“guess ill die!”#still monitoring symptoms in case i gotta hit the er tonight but I'm feeling better#ive been taking b3 for a long time and never had a response like this maybe my body is thinking fuck this shit we're done#i checked off everything ive drank and eaten today and listed my meds im confident its this shit#still gonna go to the docs tomorrow for a follow up#but if i can dodge a 10000+ ER charge to the medical debt i already carry imma do that#im too impoverished for the weewoo mobile guys#murica for ya#anyway if you take b3 watch your six on this shit#(i know i gotta take it seriously but seeing the humor and making fun of myself helps me cope)#magenta is my vent word
7 notes
·
View notes
Text
do i really want to make individual drinks again
#reaching back into the file cabinets of my mind to remember how i made certain drinks when i worked at the cafe#in preparation for the possibility of this new job#it would certainly mean far less goofing off time than i have at my current job. and i value my goofing off time dearly#but the people here are so fucking annoying lmao. i hate them soooo much#not that the people at this new job would be any better. we're still dealing with investment bankers#godddddd. what i really would want (which would be impossible)#would be to go back to working at the cafe but like. still have paid time off and insurance lmao#but the cafe was a small business and he was not offering paid time off and insurance. and the pay was way less#but i did get to play whatever music i wanted. unfortunately you cant live on that#like i can always say no to this new job if its offered to me. but is my goofing off time worth:#2 dollars less in pay and a half hour to an hour's more commute. well i dont know#a shorter commute would mean i could sleep more. and have more time at home .#i mean i probably don't Need all this goofing off time. but its nice#i dont knowwwwwww#like even though im a bit nervous abt doing it again i know that i would easily fall back into the routine of making drinks#which i was fairly good at. my one drawback is that i cant do latte art but i dont know that theyd really care here#and (because i found the menu of where id work) theres not a ton of drink options?? just the standard stuff#its being called a starbucks cafe but 1) its not managed by them and 2) it does not have their 5 billion drink options#so thats good. less to worry about#doesnt look like i even have to make anything foodwise which i had to at the cafe#here it looks like people can just buy a pastry and thats it#the hours are like. the same i work now. also good#sorry im like using this post to think through my thoughts.#uhhhh oh i looked up the manager who looks like a weenie so im not keen on the prospect of interviewing with him#but i probably would have thought that about my current manager if id seen a pic of him prior to interviewing. i guess???#and with these kind of catering units it seems you dont often deal directly with the manager that much anyway#i just gotta see if i get good vibes#rn i have unsure vibes. but i need a sign to see if this could be good for me#oh id also save money on transportation. and taxes! bc i wouldnt be working in ny anymore#lol oops tag limit. well i hope you enjoyed my job thoughts you probably didnt i know i didnt
10 notes
·
View notes
Text
i am a fucking idiot, that is the conclusion im coming to recently.
#vent/rant#WHOS UP FOR A STORY ABOUT HOW IM THINKING ABOUT MY EX AGAIN#its fucking tiring at this point#like 'oh im over her' and then a month passes i have a random memory of her and we're back to the bullshit#i fucking hate this i fucking hate myself for putting myself through this im stupid im a fucking idiot god fucking dammit.#aaaaaaaaaaaaa#it started from like a little memory of a thing#aaaaaaand then it escalated to me writing another longass message to them#this time i sent it#they didnt read it yet#i think she doesnt use messenger anymore#maybe for the better#i want to fucking die#stupid idiot ass fucker <- me#guess who went through our old dms again too#if it wasnt for the fact that im not a grass toucher id kms by now#its always getting worse between the therapy sessions scheduled.#it gets worse better again and tbh im fine again when i go to the session#and my therapist thinks im fine and i think im just gaslighting myself into thinking im unwell mentally#two weeks since the therapy session#*gets mentally unwell*#AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA#its not a good day my friends. it is not.
13 notes
·
View notes
Text
ugghhh wintertime sucks!! I'm sad and tired and sad all the time.. I need a nap.. and f/o cuddles.. and another nap..
#ash rambles 💚#negative#part of it is definitely the weather#it's so dark and dreary and i never wanna leave my bed#but also just. my mood akdjajs I'm kinda down in the dumps today#im recovering from being sick which always fucks me up#and i just cant shake this feeling of anxiety..? and i feel kinda a lot like my f/os wouldnt like me or would fall out of love or never see#me as more than a friend and other stuff like that#i.. actually got broken up with yesterday irl!#it wasnt messy. he said that this isnt what he wanted and it was fine and we're back to being pals. i wasnt sad at all in the moment and#i dont think i am now..? it's weird. we were laughing like always literal minutes after having the chat. when we got together we said that#if things domt work out we wanna keep being friends. and we're doing just that. honestly i saw it coming and idek if i LOVE him anymore#what even does love feel like..? regardless I'm not upset or sad at my breakup since i saw it coming and I'm honestly happy he just. Talked#to me about it. we communicated and then three minutes later went back to talking about x.enoblade LMAAOO it was fun!#but it is ridiculous for me to expect to feel NOTHING at no longer being in a relationship. i cant just feel nothing. i dont feel sad per s#just... in my thoughts i guess? I don't think the feeling of my f/os not liking me stems from me being dumped though. i think thats just me#being me sjdjaksj I'm very insecure a lot of the time. i dont think being dumped helpd very much though LMAAAOO#I'm doing okay i promise. and I'll be alright. theres just both a lot and nothing going on at the same time and i feel... idk what i feel.#i hope my f/os love me 😭 i hope that a lot#and honestly i know this community is ass and I'm more than happy in my own corner with my couple of followers but. ngl I've really felt as#though I'm not valued here and all that junk as of late. yeah just.. i think everything is happening at the same time and I'm tired and#i feel like I'm a confused kiddo who doesnt know anything anymore BAHAHAHA#holy shit it just sounds like i need a shower and a nap huh- I'll be alright I'm just. dealing with stuff akdjsks but i also hate to always#bring the mood down like this! i always try my best to be haha silly and all that shit. I'm just gonna try to daydream about f/o cuddles#(and try to convince myself they dont hate me ofc)#oh and. i know i mentioned this but. i hate the weather. so much. I'm sad all the time. November is actually my least favorite month too 😭#I've gotta study a lot today and I'll try to sneak in some k.urohyou and hopefully start watching monster too but yeah i apolgize if#I'm acting off these days ajdjajs I'm very stuck in my own mind these days. not exactly the most fun place to be 😭#delete later#i mean akdjajs i literally started crying the other day because my friend said that my husband (k.yohei) loves me ajdkahdb come on ash..
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
Haven't had the chance to play actual dnd in real life, but In this run I get the sense that bg3 perfectly captures the "party progresses in a weird sideways way that bypasses tons of the dm's prepared lore, so the dm takes revenge by dropping a near impossible encounter on them" vibe I hear so much about
#bg3#baldur's gate 3#fun fact i killed minthara by dropping her down a hole#somehow didn't get the achievement for it though#smh smh jdjsjd#but yeah. ill talk spoilers in the next few tags so be warned#first it was the goblin camp where instead of even trying to talk to anyone i just went up to the hobgoblin at the very back and attacked#took a LOT of tries to beat that encounter#slowly cleared the camp from the inside out without even seeing a cutscene with minthara or anything nxnd rip queen or whatever#then you had the duergar camp or whatever that area was called#where i didn't even realise what the deal with the drow was im just like. oh im freeing those fucking gnomes. wait we're on time limit?#can't long rest? run out of short rests? damn guess it's a challenge run#so emptied that room of all of them before blowing up the rubble. then killed the guy inside without talking to him for more than two lines#lmao#THEN THAT GODDAMN FUCKIN ENCOUNTER IN THE CURSED AREA#which was glitched 4 me until i equipped torches and deactivated turn based mode for the curse before it started#now im over the area where that gold encrusted toll collector (?) is#which apparently has more health than Grym so uhhhhhhh#maybe need to level up before tackling that#long story short im making bad decisions <3 gods bless easy mode
26 notes
·
View notes
Text
.
#personal#i think that like... the dam's broken. for lack of a better term#or i guess the ice ???? idk man#either way. been messaging back n forth with him like crazy for the past few days#i just decided that like.... whatever. if i feel like saying something i should just say it to him !!!#and i think me being open has led to him being open....#god its so hard when both ppl only really talk when they have something to say JFJDJDJDJDJDJDJDJJD#like... i cant even make up a reason to talk to him. i cant pretend to be dumb n not understand anything. he'll know its bullshit NDJDJDJDN#n e way...... defs met my match here lmao. but really its been so nice just being able to talk to him when i want. bc waiting until being i#person was getting so !!@@@ long !!! like god. i didnt know i could miss someone so bad...... its so !!@@@@@@#gah !!!!!!!!!!!!#n e way. things are goin in the right direction#and hahaha !!!!!!@ i have a game plan to make sure we stay in touch too !!!!! me n one of my other friends promised to keep in touch with#each other and i was like oh should we invite everyone else. and she was like oh !! maybe ____ so i was like !!!!!!!!#so true !!!!!!!!!!@#gosh im so excited i really like them both so much we're all similar temperaments so ya..... ive wanted to make sure i keep them JFJFJFJD#n e way. we still havent asked him but hopefully he says yes !!!! bc he always sits behind us n im just like !!!! ik you wanna sit with us#so just sit beside us istg !!!! but ah ... i think hes shy#god hes so cute#and shes like not competition btw. like..... she has a bf. she knows i like this guy now (i spilled. i couldnt hold it in 💀💀💀). and ya !!#hopefully exciting things coming!!!
11 notes
·
View notes
Text
welp.
#was really feeling good about myself these last few days maybe even weeks but guess it's over now and we're back to hating ourselves 🥳#turns out four days of constant 'food bad sugar evil need to lose weight at any cost' and food sniffing got to me after all :3#so now im just spending my time watching ig reels of women who look like me being told they're disgusting and should kill themselves <33#fuck knows why i do that but hey at least the drastic body-obliterating suicide plans are ✨back on✨💅 its been a while#iiii haaaate my fucking liiiifeeeee#but oh well at least its raining#posted a picture on ig and now i wanna delete it all but people have already commented on it so it'd be weirder if i did 🤡#but i keep staring at all those pictures i posted recently that i really liked up till like uhh an hour ago 🤡🤡🤡#but now i just feel disgusting 🌸💮🏵️
6 notes
·
View notes
Text
anyone want to pull an edna pontellier with me
#we realize that we're alive individual people with agency and sensations we can pursue but are trapped by societal expectations (originally#Heavily gendered but this was also like 150 years ago) but we cannot give up our newfound selves for the sake of our children like we're#supposed to so we strip naked on a beah like a newborn animal bare before god for the first time and swim out and drown#spoilers for 'the awakening' i guess sorry#to put this is modern terms does anyone want to pull a brian david gilbert 'and now i am going to throw myself into the sea' with me but we#don't come jogging soggily up the beach towards the camera at the end we just actually drown#sorry to once again be sad on main i just. i cannot keep having the same breakdown every 3 months! every quarter i have to re-realize 'oh i#probably don't actually want to die i just cannot in any circumstances keep living like this' and then i keep living like this#i am so tired. i am so fucking tired of effort not meaning anything bc i try and try and try and i still can't turn anything in#finals posting#anyway edna and adèle should've kissed who's with me. adèle comes over and watches edna's kids while she's out gallivanting and recognizing#her personhood like a good little wife but she also is the first person to welcome edna im and like connect personally with her? edna is a#lesbian but she died before she realized that was an option. hot take.#whatever i hope everyone has a fun and safe st. paddy's#a post
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
I don't want to get off my phone I don't want to stay on my phone I don't want to pump gas I don't want to do deliveries I don't want to get ready for bed I don't want to write anything of substance I don't want to create I don't want to not create I don't want to be here I don't want to go anywhere I don't want to move I don't want to stay still my brain and body seem to simply want to sit here and Yearn
#is this like a shutdown i think we're having a shutdown#cuz like#we're not experiencing the pain of the overwhelm#but that's because we're dissociating really bad#like am i blitz are we blurry have we been in this parking lot for hours#why can't i just do anything but type#we're just sitting here numb and unmotivated#vent#i guess#tagging in case as always#idk man#“get a hobby” we have several#“get a life” we have. one but we have to share#“get a job” 2 jobs going on possibly 3 next month ok im starting to understand#we are indeed having to face a future and have no solid Plans yet#i thought getting our biggest worry out of the way now that my cat is w a trusted friend would help#but everything else is at the Forefront of our mind now whoops!!#ironically it would be better if we just. cane up w a plan#but noooo sensory overload from our own fucking chatter#allllll dayyyyyy#fuckkkkk#we're probably gonna go to bed lol i can try again tomorrow#we're ok just. we “shouldn't be” if that makes sense lol#if we're going to be a wreck i wish i could at least provess it#like it's worse than emotional denial i straight-up don't have access to said emotions rn#“don't underestimate my capacity to not wanna” type shit sjfhhshsh#oh also we need to eat dude come on#dont want to do that either but alas we need nutrients to live#at least we like living!#usually lmao also i did it (apparently) i reached 30 tags. thank u tumblr i love yapping
6 notes
·
View notes
Text
Having people you care about who are suicidal while you're not suicidal is truly a special torture I think I want to go back to wanting to kill myself im gonna throw up
#vent post#it's just. knowing theres no quick fix or surefire solution because there never was for /you/#it feels a little hopeless yknow? like what can i do really? how can i singlehandedly restore your faith in the world?#how can i stop your body from causing you constant pain?#i literally cant. and im not good at handling the fact that i cant do much#doesnt help that last time a friend tried to kill themself i sorta didnt see or didnt take note of the warning signs#now someone is letting me see all the warning signs it's setting off the 'THIS IS WAY WORSE THAN LAST TIME ALARMS' and idk if thats true#but its really putting me on edge about it#for forever i was used to knowing people who want to kill themselves but dont ever take action to do it#which is miserable and terrible but it's not particularly scary#PLUS doesnt help that by coincidence i was remembering other horrible miserable things that happened after my friend tried to kill themself#and my brain loves to imagine what mjght happen if they /do/ try to kill themself. what I'll do when i find out. whay ill do if they succeed#i dont really want to think about it but we're thinking about it i guess#hey isnt it kinda funny that my parents /still/ dont know my friend tried to kill themself that night#and i got yelled at for being antisocial while i was sobbing and sick with grief and unable to get out of bed#oh im gonna throw up. anyway#dont mind me im mostly ok#feeling a little sick but i can manage
4 notes
·
View notes
Note
The real genuine answer is labels exist for comfort/personal identification and the difference between bi and pan is as personal for each individual as their sexuality is, so ultimately trying to distinguish between them in the grand abstract is moot. The difference is one feels better than the other, and that’s okay, it rlly doesn’t need to be that deep.
But that’s coming from someone who’s long felt disconnect with both bi and pan labels and has rlly only identified as “queer” for the past five yrs so idk personal bias perhaps
Absotootly!! And actually same with me! I prefer a more general label as well<3 i really enjoy just being queer and not... anything in particular
#this scared the pants off me for a sec i felt like u were going to assassinate me#but then it was like. oh yes. yes.#hence the short answer since i answered something similar like five seconds ago#but youre right too in an important way i didnt previously acknowledge#IT AINT THAT DEEP!! WEE WE'RE FLOATING THE WATER IS ONLY UP TO MY CALVES#lol sorry epic cringe moment#but like yeah. i guess i was just frustrated by the post i saw... which i solved by UNFOLLOWING OP so its over now#but yeah im glad there are other ppl who i can relate to in identity's sense#i think the closest thing for me is bi and im leaning into that more recently but ... it's been more comfy to not in the past#NOT TO OVERSHADOW U IM SORRY I LOVE U#caitie answers#anon#sx talk
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
book depository closing down. no nice things allowed.
#i cannot express enough just how much this upsets me#that was the only way for me to get books at affordable price thanks to the free shipping#because the prices here on overseas and indie books are pretty jacked up and the shipping from other websites is also very painful#so no winning#and we're not even mentioning that some books you just cant get here anyway#man im so sad actually heartbroken#they also delivered super fast the catalogue is expansive and the website overall was nice#man im glad i had the chance to pre-order my s/vsss special edition because without book depository i wouldnt had the chance at all#again. no way to get it here and the shipping from other website would make it very unreasonable monetary decision#with how our currency is holding up against others#oh well#guess ill just order t/housand autumns while i still have the chance :(#and light a candle for it#also fpr context i briefly looked why theyre closing and apparently they were bought by amazon in 2011 and now they are making cuts#so bd took the hit#edit. scrolled through the bd tag and seeing other non US/UK ppl heartbroken over it really hits o(-(#saying theyll order a lot now because they most likely wont order books online after that because the shipping just is so much pain#and yea that really do be it huh. man...#like ok i know theres maybe some other website out there that could work out well enough#but this was THE place#good prices and guarantee of quality with how big and long standing it was
8 notes
·
View notes
Text
i haaate writing texts to people i barely talk to who also happen to not be Online people like. what version of myself am i allowed to be here
#a childhood friend (we went to school together ages 4-10 and have seen each other twice since - once close to school and once in january)#anw she asked what i thought of the barbie movie and i said sth about it being pop feminist in my first message and felt the need to double#text to explain what i meant by it and (somehow not physically but very much in spirit) i have a headache now#oh no wait there it is physically:)#oh uh#barbie spoilers#i guess but yeah it was at the level you'd expect it to be on that but perfect camp fun in general and i loved it sm#anw i feel like i should've left it at the fun camp side of my review that's what she probably meant#regardless ive done that now#if anyone's following along since the January party this is the friend who introduced john to our group and may or may not have been t#*subtly trying to set us up so we're gonna have to have that conversation eventually which is soooooo fun but i love her n i love that we'v#been reconnected#oh god i just remembered she's trying to have us meet up w the friend who hosted the party and was absolutely in on the me and john idea so#that specific psrt of it will be hell especially if it comes up that i was more interested in andrew who went to school with us and managed#to accidentally reject him.... although if undoing that comes out of it (unrejecting him that is) i would not mind he is so babygirl#ok i am going to get ready for bed!! it has been so much of a day#omg she replied about barbie#this is the most perfect review this is kind of all i cared about and you addressed it w/o asking#though now i'm excited to see what the story line is bc i haven't seen the trailers#im so relieved and i have a newfound faith in our rekindled friendship im so excited#also i just remembered sth#i was way more of a kelly club girl and i think i first played with actual grown barbies at her house!! we had sm fun and i remembered that#but this brought so much back still#vie
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
i know i said moving on a 3 weeks notice but. if this apartment accepts our preferred move in date, it'll be more like 16 days. bc we have to leave a couple days early for the drive and all. lowkey don't think it's fully sunk in yet bc i haven't had a massive panic attack so far. yet.
#i guess im gonna just be packing every day?? idek if im doing enough each day or not#so far ive packed up all the picture frames & art canvases. everything in my desk#most everything under the bathroom sink. sorted all the clothes we're donating#and thrown out probably 10 garbage bags of shit by now 😮💨#OH and packed all the stuffies except the ones we sleep with (like. 3 or 4)#ig tomorrow I'll just try to pack a couple more boxes and see what happens ajjsdkkd#chatter
5 notes
·
View notes
Text
Nothing quite like your mother calling you 15 minutes before you gotta go to work and telling you that she's heard about people dressing up like animals and she wants to know if you know what that's all about.
#we had a good conversation about furries and i think she understands the broad strokes now#im not personally a furry so im sure i got some things wrong but i think i explained it well#I think she thinks its interesting and she asked some questions that make me think shes want a fursona now#but yeah it was like oh ok so we're having this conversation? right now? ok i guess#up there with the time i had to explain a/b/o to her#bc some dumbass teenager mentioned it to her at work and she had questions
2 notes
·
View notes