#and now no more for lack of time
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the mirror and the light - hilary mantel
#calling this the cromwell is dying and i fucking wish i was too compilation#it rests on red. he thinks follow#if i hadn't been down in the trenches dying wailing weeping for 60 pages straight that would have done me in at last#wolf hall#the mirror and the light#txt.me#all the callbacks made it sosososoososoooo much worse#and now no more for lack of time#venice. the frescobaldi gate. eel boy. scaramella to the war is gone. so now get up.#god im gonna be SICKK#the hell / walter || heaven / wolsey comparison. i need a mental health crisis intervention team RN
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genuinely is my brain erasing itself or is google/tumblr censoring that post about notre dame and old growth forests.
#i know we joke about tumblr's (lack of) search function#but at some point this is surely (less) passive (more) aggressive#(particularly against people with memory issues...is this. is this gaslighting.#am i. am i being GASLIGHTED. by a social media platform who isn't even my PARENT???)#that post is ingrained in my memory but google image is flirting and fwirling its fan 'haha! you're so cute! and Imagining Things. Dear :-)#i have Looked okay! i've looked! and i've looked for a SEVERAL DOZEN POSTS before this after talking To People...and behold!#...this last year or two i *genuinely* can't find posts 4 out of 5 times.#what the COOL GELITAN FUCK is going on#geletan#gel#GELTAIN#GELA--im so scared right now#so tired#GELITAN#what the chilled gelitan fuck is going on#update: i Am being gaslit just not about the spelling of gelly-thing#i'm both stupid AND being gaslit. these things! can! coexist! *sad clapping*
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on a completely separate note; shizun luo binghe with a disciple shen yuan who fell into the abyss??? *thinks about LBH canonically stealing SQQ's corpse for 5 years* he'd hallucinate i think. like, like visual and audial hallucinations.
Keeps thinking he's seeing SQQ in the corner of his eyes, or wandering between the trees, amongst a group of disciples. Thinks he hears him calling for him, but its just the wind or another disciple.
Gets Xiu Ya reforged but patently fucking refuses to make a sword mound. Because his disciple Is Not Dead :))) There was No Body. He's Not Dead. And If You keep Insisting That He Is, He's Gonna Skewer You :). He's holding onto Xiu Ya so he can return his most favored disciple's sword when he returns. It's on his hip right next to Zheng Yang where it's supposed to be.
Also this motherfucker?? does not sleep btw. He has the image of SQQ, wide eyed and hysterical and standing at the mouth of the abyss burned into his fucking eyelids. Can't use the dreamscape to escape it either because he keeps trying to save him and either he does and it's an incredibly cruel trick to wake up to, or he doesn't and he gets his heart broken in several different pieces again.
There is no convincing this man that Shen Qingqiu is dead. Absolutely nothing at all. He is buried so deep in denial that moles would be jealous of how deep he is. He keeps making tea for two in the bamboo house only to remember that it's just him. SQQ's fans are hiding everywhere, little reminders of his presence. He goes to wake up SQQ on the mornings he sleeps in-- only to find the room empty.
#svsss#luo binghe#svsss au#scum villain#scum villian self saving system#shen yuan#shen qingqiu#disciple shen yuan#lbh. visibly exhausted and with twitchy eyes: im fine :) | everyone else: ho no the fuck you ARENT.#SQQ was hysterical not because he found out LBH was half-demon but bc he was having a long-awaited mental breakdown over his autonomy :)#or (limited) lack thereof. he was having a sudden onset crisis of mortality and was handling at quite literally the WORST time. oops#im thinking very hard that LBH would never push his disciple into the abyss especially with no system to force him to. so SQQ either#had to goad him into it (failing always) or throw himself in. he ended up doing it himself but not before some very impressive hysterics.#BUT ALSO. IF THIS HAD BEEN WHERE SQQ WAS THE HALF-HEAVENLY DEMON INSTEAD IT WOULD'VE BEEN SO GREAT.#and by great i mean horribly angsty bc SQQ is NOT doing too hot and has. in very SY-like fashion. convinced himself that LBH will kill him#when he finds out he's a demon. so when it comes out i have this mental image of him lunging at LBH and LBH flinches back. but SQQ wraps hi#hands around the blade of Zheng Yang and yanks it up so the tip of the blade is digging into his chest where is heart is. LBH can't yank th#sword away without risking slicing into SQQ's hands. SQQ's hair has fallen out of its tail/bun and is now messily spilling down his#back and its NO helping the kinda deranged look he has going on. he's visibly shaking and his eyes keep flittering away and back at LBH's#face. SQQ is looking at the messages from the system warning him that he has to go into the abyss or punishment will occur. he's like.#rambling though. talking about how shizun doesn't *like* unclean things and there is nothing more unclean than a demon. like he is#INSISTING. LBH can't?? get a fucking word in. actually. SY isn't listening that much either anyways. too overwhelmed with the system and#the amount of stress he's under and his crumbling mental state and the innate and primal desire to live even when he's standing in front of#his own executioner. it all ends with him sitting on the ground at the lip of the abyss with his hair falling in his face. he looks so#unkempt and fallen apart and so distinctly *non-Shen Qingqiu* that LBH feels physically ill over it. tears are streaming down SQQ's face#and despite everything he is smiling. its not a nice smile. its a very frayed falling apart at the seams about to crack smile.#he tells shizun not to worry about staining his blade with this disciple's filthy blood because this disciple will take care of it himself.#and then he falls into the abyss before luo binghe can so much as grab him. the only reason LBh doesn't literally jump in after him is bc#he was numb with shock and the abyss was already closed before he could feel his legs again :]
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Honrses
#theyre supposed to be used as war montures and also for transportation like irl horses but they are not shy or afraid#so like theyre really hard to tame idk theyre just concepts still#honestly looking at them now they seem too horse like i'll probably redesign them to look more bulky like a rhino#so my idea is that unicorns exist in my setting but they went extinct and these are part of the same genus but lack magic qualities#and instead theyre more about raw force and impaling stuff#i will add them to my bestiary so i'll explain better when its time#wgd#worldbuilding#horse art#art#my art#digital art#dark fantasy
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In canon, a kwami's power must be used through a human wielding a miraculous, otherwise it'll have unforeseen consequences. So, in your AU, does Imago stealing Marinette's agonies cause any sort of trouble?
honestly the biggest unforeseen consequence is that this dude is around and being himself
no but for real, there should be a hypermassive consequence for a kwami unfettered peeking their head in, but there's not because of shit we'll get into later.
just consider it like this for the time being: now that Marinette is a sage and is capable of communing with the gods, she as a living being can be used as that intermediate conduit for power instead of the miraculous gems. If it was Tikki, for example, using her power raw with sage!Marinette, Mari would be able to access the power of creation or be swayed by it - however, it would put a massive strain on her, as she's not a miraculous but still capable of acting as that pipeline.
The reason Marinette has no ill effects from Imago, however, is because Imago is playing with a catch 22. Their purpose was to take agony away from Marinette, so even the exhaustion of accessing the unfettered power of a god was something he stole from her, so it seems like zero consequences have been had. In truth Imago is now SO tired holy moly and they DO NOT LIKE IT LMAO
#replies#we'll play with more gods later! it'll be great#sass will talk about how there's a reason people worshiped many gods back in the day#cuz back in the asscrack of time gods were capable of blessing people with their power. or cursing them#but they gave that shit up to become real when the first sage created the miraculous#so its not like Imago peeking their head in would've collapsed reality. gods used to do this crap all the time#but the doorways are almost rusted shut from lack of use; for lack of a better term#its only the fact that marinette is now accessible to the gods that let imago yank that janky door open#anyway don't think about it too hard. we're here to have fun after all
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(This post was sponsored by a 1+ hour commute)
#I'm so frustrated how little time and energy i have after a day is done#i didn't win the fight against depression to have lofe ruined by THAT now#lacking time and energy to go on job hunt.. it's all very small steps only#a part time job would be marvellous but what flat can be paid with that#maybe also my anxiety is stopping me from getting a new job. what if i get fired. what if it's horrible there. ahh.. i need more courage#mine capitalism#anti-capitalism#work
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Recognition
#I worked on this for too long and now I can't really be satisfied with it but I can accept the fact that it is 3am and I should sleep#Okay time to ramble about monsterhaul. So obviously its something of an atypical form which means it isn't included in fan content too much#but when it is usually Nemoto's (for lack of a more eloquent term) fusion gets the spotlight which is fair and cool I love it too#However there is definitely something to be explored in the fact that Rikiya represents the violation of abstinence from err. contact#Which makes him interesting to be mushed together with the very literally and symbolically touch-averse character that is Chisaki.#And when placed before Kurono there's appeal in putting two characters normally so laden with inhibitions into a#situation where those are somewhat repealed by existing inherent filth and the dispositions of a third party.#Good concept. Anyways there's also the secondary factor I got caught up thinking about in this piece pertaining to#the escalation of Chisaki's severity in action and Hari's continued support in spite of the other's ever-decreasing resemblance to#the kid he met years ago as Chisaki abandons internal and external standards#In short I'm unwell#Going to ignore this for a while now so I don't scold myself for the anatomy#chronohaul#kurono hari#hari kurono#kai chisaki#chisaki kai#orb draws#mha#bnha#my hero academia
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they're baaaaaack
#art#twisted wonderland#twisted wonderland spoilers#twisted wonderland episode 6 spoilers#twisted wonderland book 6 spoilers#<- are we still tagging those? i don't know where en is#tagging basically just because it's college ortho#anyway HOLY CRAP THEY'RE BACK#TSUMSUTE 2: THE STACKENING#the disappointment at the lack of episode 7 news is tempered by my glee at the return of the most delightfully stupid event of all time#sometimes i think about how the characters were canonically visited by tiny stackable toy versions of themselves from another dimension#twice now!#it doesn't get any better than this#eyes#itty bitty little ominous eyes#look i know it's going to just be more charming shenanigans until the tsums abruptly ascend back to heaven(?) until they're needed again#but if they decided to do like. a tsum slasher flick parody. i would lose my entire goddamn mind#that's why we have fanart i guess
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Ok but Agent Curt Mega with long hair though?
#wow my second ACM drawing where he just has a different version of Curt’s hair#I will continue to do this#I’m slowly finding solace in Joey’s new lack of hair through this#(/hj)#anyways yeah as always- hella fun to draw#I’m so fuckin pumped for the digital ticket to be released#I’m going to watch it so many times#i could go on for paragraphs about how much I love this show#i love drawing this guy#(is it obvious?)#also wow three consecutive days of art#(now I need to work on schoolwork and work work bc good lord)#does anyone read these?#idk but they’re fun#I love doing silly little tags#fun fact: paper can be made from asparagus#follow me for more fun facts in the tags#I’ve decided I’m going to start doing that#because why not#spies are forever#curt mega#agent curt mega#tin can bros#tcb spies are forever#saf fanart#tcb fanart#spy another day#my art#:)#cw guns
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Animation commission I guess...
Um... ha-ha, okay, it has been stuck in my head for the whole month, but if I will keep it any more I will explode, I need to busy my brain even more I'd like to take an animation commission. Like, a fully colored, shaded, with lightning, with in-betweens, with the clean line (and background). Up to 5 seconds depending on what you want to get I guess the price may start from 250$ and be higher or less depending on complexity of the details, character or movement (<- of course everything will be negotiated) I never took such commissions before so please be patient with me since I might spend even months ha-ha (really wanna beat this fear of taking something more complex) But I will do my best since it will be first experimental time for me 1. Payment via Boosty after acceptance of the sketch animation (very rough idea) 2. I think I can draw mostly anything (but won't 18+, guro and I can decline something if I feel like I will not like to do it) 3. You must have a reference of the character, I'm not ready to work with something that doesn't have a ref to start working right away 4. Please, properly think of what you'd like to see, I will not make 3 different rough animations of different ideas because you suddenly had another idea ;~;; 5. Note me in dms if you'd like to take commission... (I'd like to move to discord later since it's more comfortable in here) Uh... I have only this as a more or less proper example (it was based on amazing storyboard by yeye23)
Okay, I'll just leave it here if someone really will be interested and will delete if it if it will be decided.... I just feel like my brain is dying if I don't have an enjoyable/stressful more complicated work on a side that demands an attention from me. Have a nice day
#I just...#I have what to do#Plenty of what to do#But it doesn't stress me enough to make my brain work#Such kind of commissions give me both a boost of work and enjoyment because of the process#So... yeah ah my brain is very much lacking it right now#And I think it will be interesting to finally do something complicated again but more properly#from the very beginning#I need an experience while I have time to pay attention to it#commission#I'm still not very confident to take money for these kind of works so I need to understand what pricing is okay for what I'm able to do wit#animation...#*opens the door*#*leaves the stage*#hahhh my dear life why did you give me such a lazy brain...
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firm believer in darry who is constantly begging the boys for peace n quiet but is INSTANTLY paranoid the second he gets it
#last time he got five minutes of silence one boy ended up in the cooler one in the hospital n one on the roof#anytime hes home n 2 or more of the boys arent he walks around stricken#cannot enjoy a SECOND of r n r#bc he KNOWS his gang is full of chaos makers#they all come home n hes like thank GOD now i can RELAX#spoiler#he will not#bc his brothers are the rowdiest bitches known to man#one year on his birthday the boys asked him what he wanted#n he was like#for u all to sit perfectly silently in the living room where i know where u all are for five minutes#it did not happen#darry will never admit it#but the lack of his brothers laughing n fighting n acting a fool#was actually deeply unsettling to him#n he heaved the BIGGEST sigh#but was like FINE u can move#darry loves those little freaks#even tho he'll be gray before hes 30#the outsiders#ponyboy curtis#sodapop curtis#darry curtis#dallas winston#two bit mathews#johnny cade#steve randle
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Izutsumi character study
#dungeon meshi#izutsumi#One of my goals for this year was to spend more time doing art studies.#What better way to start than with my favourite danmeshi character (not seen: a whole page of figuring out her features)#I feel like she is by far one of the most poorly understood characters in the series. Partially due to her 'late party member' status.#'She's abrasive and mean' - 'she's a picky eater' - 'she's a catgirl who acts like an asshole cat ' YES and that is the point!#Everyone in dungeon meshi is traumatized and messy about it but izutsumi is just less polite in how she tries to cope.#Izutsumi is a extremely traumatized teenager who has utterly lacked autonomy her entire life.#She is the epitome of a “If I can just have X thing then all my problems will be solved!” character. And the X is 'Freedom'.#Her epilogue was one of the best and wrapped up her character so wonderfully (WARNING: I WILL NOW SPOIL PART OF THE ENDING)#Because she finally gets her freedom! She can go where she wants to and she doesn't need anybody! Yet...it doesn't fix her.#She is so focused on doing only what she wants that she forgets her own needs. Sometimes you have to eat the things you don't want.#And sometimes you have to face the hard truths that you need more than just one thing to make you happy.#Life is not all about only seeking pleasures and avoiding pain. You need to be balanced in order to grow.#Eat your vegetables (including the metaphorical ones: I am eating more art veggies this year by doing art studies!!!)
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I write fragile on a dozen boxes salvaged from recycling I forgot to take out before I knew I was moving and my hand shakes even more each time. The lines bleed off the box corners and into me. I'm fragile, you see.
#poem#poetry#spilled ink#spilled thoughts#long story short i have made choices in my life such that my only option when i hit this present juncture#was to move home and i am not handling the lack of choice well#in my first year living here especially i bought beautiful fragile things because i love beautiful fragile things and because i thought#i was on the path that my next move would be my last one. i was going to buy a home and that would be it and i'd only need to pack up#my whole life once more and so i could justify the vintage vases and such. but the past couple of years have been brutal on me#and i've made choices that i stand by and choices that i don't and now i'm moving home and it's less than ideal but i'll make it work#perhaps this is short story long#anyway. before i first moved in my roommate texted me from home depot because she and her boyfriend were at home depot#and i was at work at the time. and she wanted to know what color i wanted my room because they were gonna paint my room that day#and i didn't have time to make a decision and she's an artist with a great eye so i sent her my pinterest decor board and said maybe a gree#like this kind of green? and she got this gorgeous green reminiscent of a paris green that looks amazing with all my art on the walls#but i just had to take the art down. i'm in the middle of the task actually. and now it's just this big green expanse#and i'm not feeling so good about leaving this place#but the way i felt so safe and so loved when i got that text and when i got here and saw that the room was painted bc they wanted me to sta#the past few years have been not so good in a lot of ways like i said but this place was an island of peace for me when things were rough#anyway. fragile. thanks for listening
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alright team. i'm back at a truly blank page for the first time in a almost two years. what's that sound? oh, it's the looming existential dread that i've completely forgotten how to write. which, to be fair, i really may have. but we shall persevere etc., etc.
editing to add: also, a girl needs to refill her creative well so gimme all the best books you've read lately (or in the last two years; it's been rough y'all)
#in my defense#i wrote a book#revised that book#got an agent#revised that book a bunch more#had a baby#shattered the ever living shit out of my ankle#and am now (re)learning how to walk at the same time my baby is#circumstances have not been ideal! (for writing)#the ankle part has also not been ideal#baby part is great though#but also time consuming hence the lack of writing#all of which is to say:#hi#i'm not exactly around but i'm also a little bit around#and i'm trying to get back into the swing of things#currently working on original fiction#but tbh i'm desperate for a fic idea to grab me by the throat and squeeze
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Why is ambroys so promiscuos, like psychologicaly. Is he just a Bimbo? Does he have a hipersexual disorder, is he just an asshole like that?
What drives this manwhore to this levels of slutness, UNPRECEDENTED HARLOTNESS i have to bear witness to
TL;DR: Sex is the lowest common denominator way to make people care about something and Ambroys wants people to care about Him.
Longer psychoanalysis under the cut, if you want a peek into the puddle-like depths of the world's shallowest man.
Surface-level, he’s just a hedonistic guy. He likes his base pleasures and indulgences.
Still, Ambroys is really more of an attention whore than an actual whore. He wants to be the main event everywhere he goes, and as most advertisers have noticed, sex appeal is a cheap and easy way to get noticed. Even if someone’s not attracted to you, they’ll probably at least look at you. And every pair of eyeballs is a win.
Additionally, seducing someone is a conquest. It makes him feel powerful. When people start seeming too messy and complicated it's a script to reset them to a dynamic that's within his control and understanding. Getting someone to fall for him reassures him of the "fact" that it’s his divine right to have what he wants, make others do what he wants, and make people want him. (Or as he would put it: he just wants to be loved — is that so wrong??)
This is why he sleeps with his friend nigh-immediately after breaking his once-paramour’s heart. His use of seduction as a comfort tool also creates the somewhat hilarious situation where he tries to fuck more often when he’s feeling bad, like women are his tub of Ben and Jerry’s and it’s binging time.
His other coping mechanism for feelings of inadequacy is sport hunting, by the by.
All that said, I don’t think Ambroys is much more promiscuous than your average frat guy. He is a young man brimming with energy and bereft of rationality, so a bit of skirt-chasing is to be expected. He just plays up the provocative libertine angle sometimes, because it’s easier than developing a likable personality.
#he wants you to want him needs you to need him etc#i'm pretty sure this question was more a request to see a pin-up but no you get 6 paragraphs of rambling character exposition instead#this is all stuff i would ideally like to illustrate in a drawing instead of a text wall…#but lack of time versus huge glut of ideas YOU KNOW MY EXCUSES BY NOW#also frankly this facet of him is not the highest priority because i think i need to scale the sex and romance stuff with ambroys#looking through my gallery it’s an outsized proportion of my art of him#mostly because he’s my first character who Does It Regularly so i could play with tropes i normally don’t and that IS fun#but i do worry it overshadows anything else i try to do with him#you know how people are… (and so does he which is why he acts like this)#(except he is actively distracting from his unappealing qualities and i want to highlight them)#ambroys#asks#amaranthine#my draws
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homecoming
#tf2#tf2 scout#my art#i always wanna draw rooms and then get overwhelmed by all the detail#so there's definitely some lack of that here but hey! i pulled thru!#based on the little ant mill au so there's some context missing#also if you saw the first post of this SORRY and no u didnt...#pls pretend u didnt...#anyways this was a lot of fun to paint!!#im shit at perspective and avoid backgrounds at all cost but i rlly wanted to try smthn out of my comfort zone#but ill be back to wacky zany colourful and trying to make more fun stuff soon huhu#hello all my friends i hope u are well!#link is to the song that inspired the first draft of this#which i still want to kind of make LOL maybe some other time#anyways this is weird and a little dull looking but im quite happy with some bits of it!! yahoo!! now to... shivers... do uni work...
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