#and now im????? awake???? alive????
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not being in pain is such an amazing feeling.
#my lower back was hurting so much it was affecting my knee#talked to my pilates instructor#and she tailored our session to help me with ot#*it#and now im????? awake???? alive????#not trapped in a fog?????#ask to tag //
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OOH YEAH BABY ITS THE SURGERY EPISODE BABY!!! ME AND THE HOMIES NEED SOME NEW FACES FOR OUR NEW PLAN, AND WHO BETTER TO GET THE JOB DONE THAN THE TWO MOST EVIL PEOPLE WE'VE EVER HAD THE MISFORTUNE OF HAVING OUR LIVES VIOLATED BY? I MEAN IT WOULD BE FUNNY. IT WOULD BE FUNNY.
#jrwi fanart#jrwi show#cw blood#cw gore#jrwi suckening#jrwi suckening spoilers#vex waylin#viv waylin#MY FAVORIT EP!! HAVNT SEEN IT IN FOREVER THO BC WELL. IM BUSY. SO BEAR W ME IM RUNNIN OFF ALOTTA MEMORY FUMES#ALSO EDIT BC FUUUCK I HADMORE TAGS BUT TUMBLR FUCKEN ATE EM. OH WELL. MY DMS R OPEN IF U WANNA UNLOCK RAMBLES.#I LOVE THE WAYLIN TWINS SSSOO FUCKING MUCH IM SO!!! CURIOUS ABOUT THEM!!! WHO WERE THEY WHEN THEY WERE HUMAN? HOW LONGVE THEY BEEN ARND?#I LOVE IT WHEN PPL SAY ITS LIKE THESE TWO WERE MADE FOR MMEE BC YES!! YES!! ITS EVERYTHING I COULD EVER WANT FROMA CHARACTER!!!#I LOVE THEIR RED WHITE N BLACK COLOR SCHEME. I LOVE HOW THEYRE BOTH SO INTELLIGENT AND GENIUS N YET THEYRE DUMB AS FUUUUCK#COOOMICAL SUPER VILLAINS. OOH ILL GET YOU NEXT TIME SHAMIA SHAMAI!!! HOW DARE YOU FOIL MY PLAN!! MY PLANS OF MUTILATING AWAKE N ALIVE PPL#COMICAL AND YET. GENUINELY HORRIFYING. VIV CAN MAKE UR BONES EXPLODE JUST BY THINKING ABOUT IT. VEX CAN BECOME SOUP#WHY DONT WE TALK ABOUT THAT MORE? THE TURNING INTO RED MEAT SLIME?? METAL AS FUUUCK. I ALSO LOVE HOW SCARED THEY GOT SO QUICKLY#THIS LIL FUCKEN RRRRRAT COMES IN. AND WELL. HES JUST LIKE ALL THE OTHERS. WE FUCK HIM UP N TOSS HIM INTO THE SUN N LET HIM BURN#SURE HE HAD ONE MORE TRICK OF REBELLION UP HIS SLEEVE BUT THE SUN HAS TAKEN HIM NOW. ITS FINE. WE'RE FINE. HEY IS THERE SMTH IN THE CEILING#OHHH WE KILLED HIM ONCE N HE CAME BACK. WE KILLED HIM AGAIN N TOOK HIM APART BUT THEN HES BACK?? HE GETS AWAY AND THEN. COMES BACK. AGAIN.#WE CANT GET RID OF HIM. THAT FOUL SHAMIA SHAMAI. A MOUSE IN OUR KITCHEN. FUUUUCK HES GONNA SPREAD DISEASE! KILL IT! KILL IT!! AAAUUGH FUCK!#I LOVE THAT THE WAYLIN TWINS AGREED TO HELP THE BLONDE TWINS MOSTLY ON THE BASIS OF 'IT WOULD BE FUNNY' BUT ALSO#OOHHH WE ARE SO CLOSE TO REACHING SOMETHING TO MAKE HIM NNEEVER FUCK WITH US AGAIN. HIS ILLUSIONS WILL HAUNT US NO LONGER#THEY WERE SSSOOO PARANOID W ALL THE CAMERAS AND BOMBING THEIR OWN LAB AND RUNNING AND RUNNING AND GETTING AWWAY FROM THIS FUCKEN! MOUSE!!!!#OHHHH I THINK IM RUNNIN OUTA ROOM so ill talk about da art real quick.BEEN WORKIN ON THIS FOR A WHIIILE.ALOTTA THESE were started when the#ep came out.so OLD!! BUT DONE!!and im very very happy w my colors n gore n EXPRESSIONS!! the top right corner comic keeps making me chuckle#I ALSO rly love the lil convo between arthur n viv.theyre SO CUTE TOGETHERR they should go ona museum date together or somethin#they need more time to just talk abt da World together.ALSO CAN I BE PETTY.I MADE ARTHUR UGLY CORRECT-STYLE#THESE BOYS KNOW NOTHING OF UGLY.I MADE THE VAMPIRIC FLESH EVOLVE N ROT N BLOSSOM AND THERE IS SQUIRMING WITHIN THE TENEBRAE#UHHH IEAH THIS GUY W A ROTTED N DISTORTED FACE WALKS INTO MY BIKE STORE IEAH IM SCREAAAMIN LIKE WADDA HELL!! MONSTOR!!!
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real photo of me telling my friends and family what i wanted for christmas
#fe inigo#fe shitpost#posts that mean nothing i just wanted everyone to know he is still my favorite guy ever#inigo fire emblem u will always be famous.#actually insane my friends and family dont know me at all cuz when i woke up this morning#i did not find inigo fire emblem tied up and unconscious under my tree. yall fake!!!#i need to go to bed but at my family gathering i drank like four coffees to keep my social battery mildly alive and now im j. awake.#but only physically like a lights on no one home situation so this is all i got
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happy pride fellow girls gays and theys
#i will probably be alive maybe idk monday or tuesday?#until then i may not reply to dms too much bc im cramming in hw#and i'm always super exhausted after work kjsbcs#today i had 2 hour floor time#LMAOOO#now i must do more homework...#mwah mwah mwah#trying to get ahead on assignments .. but i havent finished the stuff due sunday & monday yet so jkscjks#ANYWAYS#i will be awake but. effectively. not. if you get me. KJKBS HOMEWORK TIME U KNOW... so goodnight!!!!#replies and starters later this week...#ooc.#tbd.
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2/18/2024 roll initiative!
#{❤️Critters.exe💗}#<- block this tag if you dont want to see these!#{❤️Critters.png💗}#{❤️2024 Art💗}#{❤️Cakes💗}#cake hounds#cookie run kingdom#cookie run#please pardon any typos in the last few posts ive been to eepy to proof read most things :')#ill fix em when im awake nd alive! for now enjoy a dnd doggy!
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in the club (my bed) doing actual research for my pre-sleep hallucination
#i needed to look at a specific jacket so i could imagine myself wearing it🫠🫠#i woke up ans got Too Awake and now i have the curse of not sleepy anymore😭#so🥺❤️ we turn to an elaborate daydream & hope i forget im alive
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well this sucks
#how do people keep themselves up when theres nothing their days can revolve around#do i just need to escape my homelife so i dont feel like a useless pile of slop trying to evade them or am i just too burnt out and#ill to to do anything to get myself to feel like im supposed to be alive#i was supposed to study#to catch up on lectures i cant attend#to get assignments done#to somehow find a job and hope theres available positions outside of fastfood#and here i am now#awake for the sake of being awake#with 3 assignments still pending#either i need to drop out if a break can just do this to me or i need to...idk.i cant even move in with anyone. im out of options
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the spoonie experience is driving somewhere and then having a random flare up and suddenly realizing you don’t have enough spoons to drive home and now ur sitting on the floor of a store getting weird looks while you wait to miraculously gain enough energy to make it back to ur car and then not crash and die
#spoonie#chronic fatigue#chronic pain#chronic illness#?#i think??#is chronic fatigue in the chronic illness umbrella or its own thing???#idk i don’t have the spoons for this#the fact that i literally got a perfect 12 hours of uninterrupted sleep last night too#and yet i ate brunch and now i cannot see all the colors are blurring together my eyelids feel like lead#i crave nothing more than to sink into the ground and cease to exist#to sleep and then never wake up#not bc i don’t want to be alive but bc i literally just want to sleep forever simple as that#and i don’t even *want* to sleep either#i *want* to be awake and alive#but the world is like im wearing foggy glasses and breathing is exhausting#OH SHIT SPOONS#SPOON DELIVERY#LETS FUCKING GO#BYE IM RUNNING WHILE I CAN CYA
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...
#shout out to my nana for saying my dad spends money like water#my dad who struggles with the idea of spending money bc of obsessive compilation thoughts but is making an effort#bc whats the point of saving up all your life just to die. nana? my dad whose wife is literally dying of cancer and is beginning to circle#the drain so hes deciding he wants to start spending his retirement money now while shes still alive. u old witch. Jesus christ. my mum#isnt gonna live forever. shes getting her bladder removed in February i think. imo ill just b happy if she lives past the end of my 5year#program. like holy fuck. i mean. its not really nanas fault. she probably has 0cd and probably has 0cpd. but like this is y u wanna try to#get better. so you dont grow into a miserable old fuck whose family hates u bc ur awful and killing ur husband thru ur illness. just saying#as someone whose can see their own behaviors mirrored in her. this is y i cant go on like this lol#hopefully i hit my rock bottom last year. ugh. i just wish i could sleep. when im not super depressed i cant seem to get a normal amount of#sleep and im exhausted all afternoon. im awake at night and early in the morning. it makes me nauseous too. insomnia i guess#but ive always slept rather little. maybe it was compulsive and now im just old and cant take it#hate it. wish it would stop but at least i dont feel like dying anymore i guess. im guessing the meds r exacerbating thr sleep issues if not#causing it. ugh symptom management i guess#unrelated
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i just fucking love it when either of the boys get jealous holy fuck
#gmm#gmm 2386#good mythical morning#im back at it again#aka me having been working since 3am and having a report due by 3pm#it is already 2:41pm now#and ive been listening/watching to gmm since ive been working#to keep me alive and awake and alert#and now the report is done#JUST IN TIME for me to see a jealous Link#oh my linkypoo#the universe is working well with me today YEY
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I'm so fucking happy that I literally had such a miserable vacation and not a single good day out of two weeks ! 🤗🤗
#dont mind me#im suffering and all ive been able to think about this vacation is how awful ive felt and how miserable ive been#im so fucking upset#i just want to feel like myself again and feel awake and alive#i literally want to cry right now#im also cramping so bad right now that i feel nauseous so thats FUN
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Kashiwagi has this kind of scowl on his face 24/7 while he's in the yakuza (Y0-Y3), but in Y7 the bartender has a lot more relaxed base expression. Bro didn't have a resting bitch face after all, he just needed glasses this entire time.
bro he got big ass frames he's just hiding the scowl
#snap chats#thats what glasses will do to ye it'll hide yer brows...#also hi everyone. i should not be awake let alone alive right now you can stop reading im just gonna ramble bout my night now#im grateful i did not post much last night for im scared of what my brain would have posted while it was on autopilot#my brothers in christ i was trying to watch the booze off like i just put on one of my fave movies and all that ya#so who wanna fuckin tell me why i got teleported to me room with my laptop on my bed with twitter open#that shit has never happened to me. UTTERLY whimsied but also horrified#i didnt even make it an hour into the movie until i APPARENTLY just decided 'twitter time :)'#gonna finish watching it after breakfast but yeah anyways. not drinking again after this <3#only downside to hanging with my peepaw is that he gets me to party with him 😔 wedding was fun at least :)
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I don't even know why I bother being surprised or baffled at how little my parents care about me anymore at this point but like jesus christ lol?... Like I'm sure part of it is they're all invested in making sure I think any grievance I have about them is overdramatic and ungrateful but like genuinely... I need to stop hoping they'll ever do anything except make me feel more unloved and unsafe and miserable forever
#after everything i do and how deeply i care about them...#after deciding I'll just go ahead and not have a life so they can use mine how they want#how much longer can i do this? im constantly miserable my brain has made it its mission to destroy any and all joy#and i have no desires for the future at all except to not end up in a bigger mess#i just straight up don't want to be alive anymore I don't feel like its fair#i don't care anymore if the kind of love i need is somewhere off in the future not if ill end up beyond help if i don't get it now#sorry brought to you by still being awake at almost 3am benadryl save me...#i thought the last three nights of sleep were too good to be true!#personal
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#ive already expressed what i want to express but i still feel jorrible#i havent felt this badly triggered in months#my skin is crawling' heart wont stop beating' ears are ringing' cant sit still but cant focus on anything#the mental health center isuakly go to already closed for the day#i dont trust myseld to drive anywhere#i know im safe but my body is on fire#i cant stop worrying#theres a part of me that i resent that is afraid that w.soot is gonna try to kill himself#at the same time i feel so sick at all the stuff hes done#all the women coming forward specifically#ive lost faith in someone i really admires#oddly enough im not having flashbacks?#memory loops definitely#i want to sleep but my body literally cannot stop shaking#i have been shaking for hours#i think its literally been 10 hours at this point of non stop shaking#i dont want to admit myself to a psych ward but i think im reaching a point where i might have to go#i havent been there in over a year & i hate it cuz the temperature controls are broken and they wake you up at 5am to make sure youre alive#im safe but i dont want to be alone with this#i dont want to be awake right now#my body wont stop shaking
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#so for the last like. as long as i can remember. ive had a shit sleep schedule#mostly like sleep all day and stay up all night kinda shit#but i got sick/burnt out recently and slept for almost two days straight#and somehow it reset my sleep schedule to something normal#like i went to bed at 10pm and woke up at 5am for the last few days#and i havent had to nap#and the not needing to nap is really fucking with me#like im used to waking up. feeding my dog. and then napping until i go to work#i should be napping rn. but im not tired#i dont have to get ready for work for another four hours and ive already been awake for three hours#i went to the coffee shop and to walgreens. im in real clothes instead of pajamas. i did a load of laundry#im laying in bed (its so hot i might be dying) and i just. dont know what to do with my time#im probably gonna do some cleaning and packing because im moving in two months#idk im just feeling some strange type of way because for the last few days ive been. alive#instead of sleeping my life away#its so strange. i got sick. slept for a few days. and now my biggest problem is just fixed? and i can have a life now?#its 70 degrees today and the world is my oyster. what should i do?#i have a list of chores im gonna do. i might walk to the coinstar machine so ill have money#yeah i want to do that cuz im in the negatives in my bank account but i want to get a cool drink before work today#my dad texted me this morning 'noticed your bank account is overdrawn for the second time this week. whats going on kid?'#which is such a sad text to get because i know im broke. thanks dad. lets pls ignore my financial hardships#if you want to make my dad less sad hmu for my venmo /hj#anyways ill probs do that today. get some cash so i can get a frozen lemonade from wawa or something#yknow that post thats like 'seasonal depression seems fake until its 50 degrees in march and it feels like you took a party drug'#i think thats partially whats happening here. its 70 degrees and sunny and my systems dont know what to do with that#i hope youre all having a great day that you dont sleep through. i love you!!
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whole day spent battling period cramps and the minute the pain subsides i am so eepy...
#its a good thing im tired coz that mean no more pain but i wanna be awake painless for a while ough#also are u guys mad at me ive rarely been getting any notes#also also omg I didn't talk to a single person today#absolutely zero interactions im not sure how im alive#only said yes or no to my mom bringing me food#didn't talk to my friends rarely interacted with my moots DIDNT EVEN TALK TO MY BROTHERS today#period cramps got me good#ok im tired now#moon rambles
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