#like i went to bed at 10pm and woke up at 5am for the last few days

[dragons-and-yellow-roses]

.

[valerinaswriting]

awake.

synopsis: joel had promised he’d be home early, but as he returns late once again he thinks of a way that’d make you forgive him.

pairing: joel miller x female reader

warnings: soft!joel, implied age gap, somno, fingering, oral sex (reader receiving), handjob, cum eating

8pm, 9pm, 10pm, 11pm. the time went by painfully slow as you waited for joel to return to you. he had promised he would be home at a reasonable hour, but you just knew he’d be late again. like he always is, because they completely relied on him at the QZ. you huffed in disappointment, checking the clock once more. 11:06pm it read. it was well past curfew and he still wasn’t home. he was one of the only men here that are allowed to work past normal hours. as selfish as it was to admit, you hated it. you were getting tired and wanted nothing more than to see the man you love. you weren’t mad though, knowing it wasn’t joels fault. it never was. he wasn’t going to say no to extra work with all of the benefits involved. harder work equaled more ration cards, which meant more resources for the two of you.

it was almost 1am by the time joel returned home. which at that point, you were in a deep sleep. laying on his side of the bed. something you always did when he wasn’t there. he loved it. he walked through the door and sighed deeply at the sight of you. he disappointed you again and he hated it. before getting into bed, he cleaned himself up and and changed into clean clothes. he knew you didn’t like when he got into the bed with his dirty work clothes on, and the last thing he wanted to do was upset you even more.

he laid down on the side of the bed that was usually yours, placing his hand on your bare waist. the t-shirt you wore was one of his, bunched up and exposing the perfect amount of skin. so soft and supple. how did he get so lucky?

you didn’t wake as he touched you, which was unusual for you. you always eventually stir awake as you feel his touch, but you didn’t this time. joel took this as an indicator that you were definitely upset. he sighed and moved closer to you, wrapping his arms around your torso. he just held you in his tired arms for the rest of the night. nose resting on your clothed shoulder as he inhaled your sweet scent, which eventually caused him to join you in slumber.

he woke up the next morning to a tickling feeling on his face. causing him to open his eyes. you were facing him, awake, so painfully beautiful as you traced your pointer finger along his skin. “good morning,” you say quietly, tracing patterns on his forehead. it was before 5am, but you were glad your body clock woke you up before joel left for work this time.

“mornin’,” he replies, voice croaky and deep as his body continued to wake up. “i’m sorry i was late last night, baby. i know i made a promise-”

“mhm, you did,” you interrupt, “but it’s alright, i get it. more work equals more rations i guess. but you also need to rest. you’re old, remember?” you continue, a smile on your face as you gain a reaction from joel.

“funny,” he says, a hint of a smile on his face. he grabs ahold of your hand and peppers it with kisses. his facial hair tickling your skin. “should get some more sleep baby, it’s early,”

you yawned as he spoke, nodding your head as you close your eyes. “are you gonna be home early today?” you ask.

“i will, i’m serious this time,” he says, but you weren’t buying it. not again.

“so, i’ll take that as a no,” you sigh, sarcasm lacing your voice as you rolled onto your back. joel got up and prepared himself for work, pressing a soft kiss to your head and your cheek before leaving. you opened your eyes and checked the time as he left. 5:07am. it’s so unfair, you thought to yourself. you barely even see him anymore.

eventually, you fell back asleep. you only worked a couple times a week, so it seemed like the rest of your free time was spent resting or waiting for joel.

it was only 11:00am by the time joel had returned, not waking you up as he walked into the apartment. he smiled as he saw you. in the exact same position you were in when he left. on your back, arms splayed out. he never comes home this early, so he knew you weren’t expecting him there. he strolled over to the bed, placing his hand around your ankle. you still didn’t wake. you were in a deep sleep. he spoke your name in a low tone, your face scrunched up slightly, but that was all. he moved closer, sitting on the edge of the bed in the small amount of free space next to you.

he admired the way his shirt sat on your body. exposing your stomach and the panties that covered your intimate parts perfectly. it was almost like you were teasing him. displaying his weaknesses in such an innocent way.

he leaned down, pressing a soft kiss beneath your belly button. nothing. he decided to move further down, pressing a kiss directly above your panty line. still nothing. he then moved even further down, pressing a kiss to your clothed pussy. directly onto your clit, the place he was all too familiar with. but you still hadn’t woken, not even moved.

he was getting impatient now.

he slid his hand down your cotton panties, immediately finding your clit. he began circling the area softly, eliciting a moan from your tried body. once he picked up the pace, you finally woke up.

“j-joel? what are you… f-… doing h-home already?” you ask through broken whines. spreading your legs and bucking your hips into his hand.

“told you i’d be home early, didn’t i?” he says, inserting two of his long fingers into your heat. your back arches off the mattress, leg twitching as he hits your g-spot. your hand wrapped around the wrist that was bringing you pleasure, biting your lip as you looked up at him. he moved between your thighs, his front resting against the mattress as he removes his hand and peels your panties off. he kisses your clit carefully as he inserts them once more, watching his dripping fingers thrust in and out of you.

“please, joel. need more,” you moan, hand moving between your thighs to pull on his greying hair. you gasped as you felt his tongue on your clit, crying out when his lips lock around the sensitive bud. his fingers began moving faster, abusing your g-spot in the most divine way. you felt like you were ascending to heaven. your moans echoed through the room, causing joel to buck his hips into the bed for relief as his dick became harder and harder.

“joel… j-joel,” you frantically moan, legs shaking and twitching around joel’s head. “c-can’t… need to-”

“that’s my girl. cum for me like a good girl,” he says, and with that, the band snaps. your orgasm hits you hard. entire body convulsing as the pleasure rushes through your body. whines and screams filling the room.

once the pleasure had eventually subsided, you came back to your senses. joel removed his fingers and climbed up your body, hovering over you. he presses his wet fingers to your lips, you immediately opened them. sucking your cum off them like his fingers were a lollypop. he smiled as he watched, releasing them with a ‘pop’ sound.

“what are you doing home so early?” you ask through a tired smile. placing your hands on his shoulders.

“making up for last night. figured i did a good job at that?” he asked, his signature smirk appearing on his face. you chuckled and nodded your head.

“i’d say you did a very good job at that,” you say, biting your lip. “but i’m not completely satisfied yet,” you add, dragging your hands down his body and resting them at his belt. you leaned up to give him a kiss, biting on his lower lip as you undid the buckle. you then unbuttoned and unzipped his pants, sliding your hand down and wrapping it around his hard cock. he thrusts forward, grunting against your mouth.

“could do this all the time if you came home early,” you say, setting a steady pace as you move your hand up and down his length. “always come home tired, never let me relieve your pent up stress these days,”

you could tell he was already close, he has been since he had his fingers buried inside of you. with a loud grunt, he finishes in his boxers. collapsing on top of you as his arm muscles gave out. you giggled, removing your hand and wrapping both arms around him.

“happy you came home early?” you ask, smiling as he gently kissed the side of your neck. enjoying the feeling of the man you adore laying in your arms.

“very,” he replied, resting comfortably in the arms of the woman he loved dearly. which was more important to him than anything else in the world.

[charlottedabookworm]

so last week my manager asked me to work a couple mornings and i was like 'sure i can do the tues morning but sorry if i do the weds morning and then the thurs late [my already contracted shift] i'll be wrecked' and like

i wasn't lying

but fuck i didn't know how true it was

i did the tues morning yesterday (obvs) and for reference a morning shift at my work starts at 5am so i was up for 4. did my eight hour shift came home and then i was good. i stayed up to 10pm (somehow, with no caffeine cos my body don't tolerate it) before i went to bed

i woke up at quarter to 6 this morning

i couldn't get back to sleep

i am absolutely knackered now i think it's two hours later than it actually is and if i'd done that second early today and then had to go into work for my usual 2-10 tomorrow i think i would have cried

[burning-basilisk]

I feel my inner world growing darker, but this time, it feels right.

I woke up at 5AM today without an alarm, to get to work early to prepare for the arrival of an executive who is going to announce some big changes that I'm gonna be in charge of rolling out.

So I went to bed at 10pm last night to get enough sleep.

And it was... easy. I didn't have to force myself to do any of it. Just kind of rode the wave of my own mind.

Last night, my local fire flow community had a particularly wild birthday party planned for an admin who helped me heal. I respectfully declined. I expected to feel some remorse, some FOMO, but no. It was easy.

I feel myself depending less and less on thrills. Very rapidly.

And the deepest parts of me know that this is right. I am re-cultivating my self-discipline.

But "shallower" parts of me, feels like most of my conscious sense of identity, is screaming that my inner spark, my inner fire, is fading again.

But the deeper parts of me know that, while my inner world is getting darker, it's not because my inner fire is fading... indeed, it is still blazing, hotter than ever before.

But then why is the light retreating from the edges of my mind?

Because I'm building a furnace around this fire inside of me.

[jmflowers]

Week of shoots

“Day 5” I managed to sleep on and off until about 2pm, so I felt much better heading into night two of the shoot. I had to pick people up downtown again, which was an hour drive from my place in Saturday traffic, so I left at about 3pm. Managed to get everyone to location for the 5pm call time.

Almost immediately, I was sent off on driving duties to pick up a few things, and then to grab one of the actors from a train station. By the time I was back, most of the set was dressed and lighting was nearly done, so shooting started shortly after.

The first half of the night felt painful, though. Imagine that phrase “too many cooks in the kitchen” but it’s a film set and they’re directors. No one had a clear vision and it just made for confusion, which had all of the actors antsy - especially the child actor whose first ever night shoot this was. We were aiming for lunch at 11pm, but at about 10:45pm they sent the actors back to holding to warm up and the creative team all stepped outside to argue “in private”. The rest of us who were not vital unless they were rolling slipped downstairs to holding and just hung out for the longest lunch I’ve ever been part of on a set - it was after midnight before we jumped back in. And, of course, the child actor had fallen asleep in the car during that time and we had to wake her back up.

So, there was the production at like 1am - all of us standing around in an abandoned convenience store, eating expired junk food and breathing in a ton of dust, watching as an 8 year old was being coaxed awake for a scene as she cried, “I don’t want to be here, I just want to go home.” And then her mom found packs of slime on the shelf, offered her one, and kiddo woke right back up to kill every. single. take. During a fight sequence, might I add. We had to wrap her by 4am, so her death scene coverage was shot and she was out of there by 3:45am.

Crazy.

There wasn’t much to do technically between takes and the DP only needed a spotter for camera movements a couple of times (one of which included me shoved back beside a bookcase, trying to hide from being in the shot when she whipped around), so I spent most of the time catering to the actors. It was cold in the building, since the heat wasn’t on, so I took their coats every time we were about to roll and then slipped them back on them each time we cut and reset to a new shot. Thank goodness I still had my set blankets in my car from my own shoots earlier in the week, as one of them ended up being best for wrapping up our child actor like a burrito without needing to care about if it was getting fake blood on it. One of the actors ended up hugging me goodbye before she left and they both thanked me profusely for taking care of them, which felt good. I think that’s the part of set I enjoy the most - just being able to help people. There’s such a humanness to watching someone perform at the top of their abilities in a setting like that and then to see them turn around and find comfort in a jacket or a bottle of water or a joke. It’s fun to be part of that, whether it’s with actors or creators.

We wrapped officially at about 5am and headed out shortly after putting everything away that we’d made a mess of. Said goodbyes to everyone - including the audio recordist that I’d worked with on another shoot last spring. I had to drive 4 people home, so we headed back into the city and I got everyone to their doorsteps before heading back to my own city. Pulled into my drive shortly before 7am and promptly showered off a lot of dirt before crashing into bed.

Day 6 was all about sleeping, for the most part, and just getting myself back off the nocturnal schedule. Slept until about 4:30pm, ate, went for a walk, watched a livestream concert, and was back in bed by about 10pm (trying to convince myself that I didn’t need to stay up all night again). Back to regular life and 8am classes the morning after, because that’s the way it goes.

All in all, I had a blast. It feels like hanging with friends when it’s a small crew and a lower budget. We talk about life and make jokes and mix up weird food concoctions in the middle of the night (like an oat milk and expired Kit Kat “hot chocolate” I tried to make in the microwave to warm up…). Mostly it’s all about eating Welch’s fruit snacks and making a movie. Can’t wait to see the finished product.

[coochiecowgirl]

My weekend was so short and busy. I slept literally all day Sunday (I went to bed at 5am, woke up at 6pm, and then went back to bed around 10pm). I didn’t feel like a real person yesterday, but I’m feeling normal and awake today, after sleeping for another 10 hours.

Friday night I went out with some friends and then got a call from a gal who lives in Seattle area who was up visiting so she and her husband met us at a club and we danced and then made out and then had a threesome at a place I was cat sitting at and it was so hot and fun. Afterwards I went back and joined my friends and danced some more and it was such a good night lol.

Saturday I helped a friend move and then saw the Barbie movie in the evening with another friend and then stayed up late drinking and talking and playing games with her and her friend.

This is my last week of working 50 hours and I can’t fucking wait to finally have 3 day weekends again. I miss my sleep/recovery days.

I’m supposed to be meeting a friend and her coworkers/friends this Saturday I think but at least I’ll have Friday night and Sunday to be lazy haha

[senzanomeor]

Let me tell you about my day in detail. (Because I am a college student and I want to.) This is without paragraph breaks because today had no paragraph breaks. Thank you.

I slept two hours last night. I went to bed at 5am because I was studying for a midterm that was today (haha). I woke up at half past 7 although my alarm went off at 7 because that is how long it took me to come to my senses. It felt like I was trying to wake up from another dimension where I lived a whole life with marriage, children, divorce and a middle life crisis. Nevertheless, got up, made myself somewhat presentable, went to midterm, did questionably, went to class, had a one-hour coffee date with friends (who slept even less than me, also because of said midterm), went to class again, almost threw up by the end because I had absolutely nothing to eat since 4am last…night? morning? How does time work? I also got my period day before yesterday so there is that cherry on top. Last class ended around 2pm. It started raining. I tried to run back to apartment. Didn’t work. Was totally soaked by the time I got back. Roommate was still sleeping soundly. I stood, staring at them and disassociating for a couple of minutes. Snapped out of it. Went to shake the rain outta my hair like a dog. Packed my shit for the weekend. (Yesterday, my philosophy prof cancelled class on Friday, bringing a tear of genuine emotion to my eye. Because of this kind professorly gesture, I’m able to go home early). Accidentally woke my roommate. I feel like they also disassociated back at me for a minute or had a similar experience of waking up from another dimension. I sympathised. Be that as it may, I had a bus at half past 2 so I patted their shoulder in a “i-understand-your-pain” kind of way, saluted them, got nodded at, grabbed my shit and ran to bus station. Almost threw up again because I forgot to eat. Bought a bus ticket and actually made it to bus. Came home around 4pm. Was raining back at home too. Didn’t have an umbrella, but also didn’t even try to run this time. Walked home. Greeted by grandma and Thomas the Cat. Ate warmed up lunch. Almost threw up a third time because I wolfed it down too fast. (Can’t judge me. My first meal of the day.) Crashed on the couch around 7pm and lost all consciousness. Snapped back to reality around 10pm. Will not even try to explain that feeling of waking up. Grandma tried to talk me into sleeping till morning but I have another midterm on Monday and for this one, I have to start earlier. We are looking at another all-nighter, folks. So I pulled up my laptop and now I’m writing this Tumblr post. Haha.

[sheerbeautyreigns]

DESIRE

Part 60

The sound of the basement door opening woke Joe up. He squinted as dim lighting filled the room. He could hear Paul coming down the stairs. He shifted his position, now kneeling in the cage with his hands cuffed behind his back. “Timeouts over.” He simply said, unlocking and opening the door. Gingerly, Joe shuffled out on his knees, trying not to fall forward. Paul uncuffed Joe, causing him to moan with pain. He didn’t know how long he’d been wearing them but they had hurt him. The young man fell to the ground as Paul looked on. Joe didn’t realise it but Paul had left him there until about 10pm.

“You can’t stand?” Paul asked. “No.” Joe answered weakly. Paul shook his head and hoisted him up in his arms. Reluctantly, Joe wrapped his arms around him. Paul carried him up to the and set him on the sofa. He set a blanket over his shoulders before leaving the room. Joe sat clutching the blanket around him, hunched over, thinking about what Paul had put him through. In the middle of his thoughts, the older man returned with a plate of pasta and a pint of water. He set it on the coffee table and looked down at Joe expectantly. “I can’t eat.”

“You need to.” Paul started “I can’t Paul.” Joe was clearly upset. “OK, OK, whenever you’re ready.” At that moment, Joe welled up, as much as he didn’t want Paul to see him cry. The older man lowered next to him on the sofa and put his arm around him. “I won’t apologise for what I did to you. You knew it was coming.”

Joe nodded in agreement, sniffling. “I need you to change your ways. I don’t like punishing you. That’s the last thing I want to do.”

“I know.” Joe responded quietly. “I love you.” Paul told him before kissing him on the cheek. “I have a couple of things to take care of but try and eat, OK?” With that, Paul left him alone. The food was lukewarm by the time Joe managed to eat it. He couldn’t remember the last time he ate this slow.

When Paul returned a while later, Joe was curled up under the blanket on the sofa. He was glad to see his empty plate and empty glass. He exhaled slowly, watching him sleep before lowering next to him. “Baby.” Slowly, Joe woke up. “Let’s go to bed.”

He took him up in his arms and carried him to bed. “I’m so tired.” Joe groaned pulling the duvet over him. “I know baby, I know.” Paul said wrapping his arms around him before they both drifted off to sleep.

It was around 5am when Joe awoke. He hadn’t slept that well throughout the night. He figured he may as well just get up instead of tossing and turning and waking Paul up. Carefully he slipped out of the bed and went onto his own room, where he changed into his running gear. He figured a run would be good for him.

It was almost 7am when Paul woke. He reached over, only to find that Joe was gone. Confused, he sat up in the bed listening for any indication but the house was silent. He rubbed his eyes, getting out of the bed, throwing on his robe. His belongings were still in his room. As he was going to look in the kitchen, he came in through the front door. “Where were you?”

“I just went for a run.” Joe answered wondering why Paul seemed annoyed. “I didn’t say you could go for a run.”

“What? It’s just a run.” Joe couldn’t believe it.

“I don’t care. You wanna go out. You ask my permission.” Paul said firmly. “Understand?”

Joe didn’t quite know what to say. “Paul started towards him. “I said do you understand?” Joe put his hands up in defense. “Y-yes Sir. I understand.” He could feel his heart racing in his chest. It wasn’t even 7am and already, this was happening. “Can I go shower?”

“Yeah.” Paul grumbled going into the kitchen. Slowly, Joe undressed in his own room and stepped in under the spray of the shower. Tears came to his eyes once again. He felt like he was walking on egg shells around Paul. He knew clearly that the incident involving Drew had pissed him off but he wondered if there was something else.

Joe spent the morning on his laptop at the breakfast bar doing some admin while Paul was in a conference call. He took this opportunity to check his social media. He checked out a couple of Colby’s stories and sent a couple of quick responses. His smile faded and his phone was set aside when Paul entered the room. “You OK?” He checked, coming up behind him.

“Umm yeah, just catching up with these emails-“ he was interrupted by Colby calling. Joe immediately flipped the phone over to hide the screen. “Aren’t you gonna get that?”

“It’s not important.” Joe shrugged. Paul lifted it to see that it was Colby. “Why’s he calling?”

“I dunno.” Joe explained. “I thought I made myself perfectly clear-"

“You said that about Drew. Just give me my phone Paul c'mon.” Paul started to walk away with it. “Paul, I’m not kidding. Give me my fucking phone!”

“You want your phone?” Paul spun around angrily “Here’s your fucking phone!” With that he threw it on the ground to Joe’s horror. Joe lowered to his knees to pick it up. The screen was completely shattered. “Fuck sake!”

“I’m fucking sick of you going around behind my back!” Paul shouted. “There’s nothing going on. You treat me like shit! This feels like a fucking prison!” Joe let out, tears springing to his eyes. “Godammit Joe!” Paul was full of anguish as he stormed out of the room and into his office, slamming the door behind him.

Joe sat on the kitchen floor crying alone before he eventually got up and went into his bedroom. Hastily, he grabbed as much of his belongings as he could and threw them into the two suitcases he had with him. When he opened the front door and walked towards his car, Paul came out of his office. “What are you doing?”

“I’m done!” Joe went about putting both cases in the car as Paul looked on helplessly. “Baby no. Look I’m sorry! Please don’t go.”

“It's too late. We’re through.” Joe went to open the car door but Paul blocked him. “Let’s go inside. Let’s talk about this.” He said in a hushed tone as not to draw any attention from the neighbours. “Let me go Paul.” Joe said sternly. Paul backed off “OK. If that’s what you really want?”

Joe shot him a look before getting into the car and pulling out of the driveway.

[hatsukeii]

Hiii do you have any relationship Hc's for goshiki

Hmmm this is gonna take a bit, but I have some ideas in mind:D

Our weird bowl cut boy lol

He’s gonna be Shiratorizawa’s ace... someday.

I’m gonna split this to two parts, because I write long hcs and I wanna write out how you guys dealt with your feelings before actually dating.

👾Goshiki👾

✨Confession��

- Really clueless at first.

- By really clueless I mean REALLY CLUELESS.

- When you joined the volleyball team as manager, he definitely tried to talk big, trying to give you a good impression of who is and why you “shouldn’t mess with him.”

- He refused to get close to you, despite your efforts in trying to get him to loosen up.

- “You’re just gonna be a distraction.”

- “I’m here to beat Ushijima and become the ace of Shiratorizawa, not make friends.”

- Ah yes, the typical no bullshit shounen anime protagonist that ends up somehow becoming the little brother of the team.

- And also ends up as a tiny crush for a certain someone.

- You don’t really know when you started noticing him that much. He was kinda just... there.

- But alas, seeing how determined he is to get to the top? Mad respect.

- Maybe with time that respect slowly became admiration and attraction.

- You wanna know how determined he is? Think Kageyama, but times ten.

- This bitch waits for everyone to leave the gym after practise, then continues to train his ass off for hours. I’m talking 4-5 extra hours of training.

- You only know this because you stay behind in the gym to clean up the equipment, and he doesn’t leave the gym when you do, which is about an hour or two after practice ends.

- Whenever you ask him when he’s leaving, he just waves you off halfheartedly, usually muttering a casual “I’ll be leaving soon, don’t worry.”

- And if you think that’s it? Oh nononono.

- There has been one instance where you saw him passed out.

- Like Goshiki trained so hard he just blacked out due to exhaustion.

- How you found him?

- Well,

- Your dumbass left your textbooks in the gym, so you had to go back and retrieve it.

- It was like what, 8 in the evening, but the lights and air conditioning were still on.

- You were already weirded out, so you decided to be extra careful. You know how high schoolers are these days, who knows what they’re doing behind closed doors sometimes.

- You creak the doors open just a bit, taking a peep.

- And your eyes land on a motionless Goshiki just laying on the gym floor.

- That scene scared the shit out of you.

- You checked his pulse, and his breathing. To your relief, his pulse was still there, although it wasn’t as strong as it should be. However, his breathing was definitely shallower than usual.

- Thank god for that emergency treatment course you enrolled for last year. You knew how to treat Goshiki almost immediately, raising his legs and keeping them up with a stool you found. What you didn’t expect, was for him to not wake up even after 5 whole minutes of you checking on him.

- That time you literally called an ambulance.

- Needless to say you definitely scolded him when he woke up, before forcing him to eat and drink something.

- Turns out for the past months or so, he’s been training for an extra 4-5 hours a day, without enough food or water to replenish himself.

- It would be about 9-10pm when he got home, where he had to finish his homework and finally get some food in his system, mostly leftovers. When he’s done with homework, it would be around 1am, which would be when he actually cleans up and hauls his ass to bed.

- He has to wake up at 5am for morning practise.

- You were about to punch him when he told the doctor all that.

- Since that worrying experience, you’ve forced Goshiki to leave the gym after a maximum of two hours.

- You walked him to the bus station after every single practise, just to make sure he doesn’t pass out.

- (And also to stare at him while he listens to music and tosses the ball occasionally, but he doesn’t need to know that.)

- Goshiki honestly appreciates the walks to the bus stop and the casual conversations you guys can hold.

- And to be honest, he was pretty surprised you’d actually go along with what you said in the hospital and “Walk him home every single day until he’s done with volleyball in highschool.”

- These days you patiently wait for him to finish his extra practise, and set an alarm for 2 hours. Once those 2 hours are up, you’re dragging his ass out of the gym with his stuff all packed neatly. No buts, nope, don’t wanna hear it.

- Maybe it was the determination you had to make sure he was safe and healthy, or the dumb conversations you had every single day about mermaids getting laid and unicorns getting horny.

- Because with time, Goshiki eventually succumbed to his feelings and admitted to himself.

- He had fallen for you. Hard.

- And there was nothing he could do about it.

- Except,

- Avoid you as much as he could.

- Poor little Goshiki was so clueless that he thought avoiding you would eventually cause his feelings to just disappear like how my dad went to get the milk.

- Whenever he saw you in the hallways, he’d just blush and walk the other way, even if it was the opposite direction of where he was supposed to be going.

- Nope, no fist bump, hi five, nothing.

- Alas, he couldn’t avoid you much anyways, since you were the manager for the volleyball team, and you also persisted on walking him to the bus stop every single god damned day.

- All he could do was try and muster up the driest possible responses to anything you said.

- “So, how was practice? You feeling anywhere near as powerful as Ushiwaka yet?”

- “Eh, it was okay.”

- “You want something to eat or drink? We can go to that boba store around the corner from last week and get something.”

- “Nah, I’m good.”

- You were weirded out, to say the least.

- Since when did Goshiki pass on boba?

- “Oi, Tsutomu, are you feeling okay? You’re acting a bit odd.”

- You raised your hand to his forehead, feeling the warmth on your palm as Goshiki flared 50 different shades of red.

- “U-uh, my stop’s there, I’ll see you tomorrow bye-” he rambled, stuttering over his words before zooming towards the wrong station.

- “What just happened?”

- All Goshiki could do was get home as quick as possible, finish all his work, eat up, clean himself, and just scream into his pillow.

- “I’ve been avoiding her for so long, why is she still stuck in there?”

- He was being so blatantly obvious with avoiding you that the volleyball team eventually had to speak up.

- That went terribly.

- “Goshiki, why aren’t you focusing these days? Is there something troubling you?” -Shirabu

- “Plus, you haven’t even spared a glance at y/n, let alone talked to her. Aren’t you guys like best friends?” -Tendou

- “Goshiki do you like her?” -Ushijima

- Goshiki almost choked on his water.

- No, not almost. He definitely choked on his water.

- “What? ME? PLEASE! OF COURSE NOT!” -Goshiki, in denial, blushing

- “Seems like you do to us.” -Ushijima, as blunt as usual

- “Well then, you should’ve just told me Goshiki. I never knew you disliked me.” 

- Oh shi-

- Well isn’t it convenient? You were standing right there with volleyballs in hand when he decided to belt out that statement.

- For the next few weeks, you both avoided each other as much as you can. You even stopped walking him to the bus stop.

- Until the day before their match against Karasuno.

- At this point, Goshiki had had enough.

- This was troubling him to an extent already, and he also had the match to worry about.

- At the end of practice, he waited until all the members of the team (especially Tendou) left the gym, before harshly pulling you into the storage room, pulling you down to sit next to him on the floor.

- “What do you want Goshiki-”

- “I like you. That’s it.”

- What the hell.

- Your mouth hung open, you face and neck feeling hot, as he made his way back into the gym, practising yet again. All you could do was sit in the storage room, still not comprehending what had just happened.

- Not knowing how to deal with this, you grabbed your stuff, and made your way home as quick as you can, not wanting to deal with the situation at hand yet. You flop onto your bed once you reach your room, and scream into the pillow out of frustration.

- “Why did I do that? That was my chance, I blew it! I’m so stupid oh my god.”

- Goshiki was also being extra aggressive with the volleyballs too. By the time he had finished his extra practise, his palms were scathed and sore, red marks scattered all over.

- During the match agaisnt Karasuno, he was extra nervous, not wanting to screw up.

- But at the same time, the events of yesterday replayed in his mind like a broken record. The way you stared at him in shock, not even making a sound. How you left the gym as quick as it happened, not sparing even a glance at him. It made him regret ever befriending you in the first place. He should’ve known that this was bound to happen.

- This led to him being extra aggressive during the match. Both teams were shocked and quite frankly, a bit intimidated too.

- Goshiki was fueled by all his pent up rage against himself, a seemingly dark aura radiating off of him on the court. He was stupid. An absolute imbecile. A moron. An idiot that put his heart on his sleeve, not once thinking about the consequences it could bring.

- When coach Washijo decided to scream “if you’re gonna stare, at least stare at a damn girl” at him, he sneered so hard at him his face was about to become permanently contorted. Even his own coach, the spawn of satan, was taken aback.

- The fact that Shiratorizawa ended up losing did not help. At all. All that did was make his day even shittier.

- Until you finally told him you reciprocated his feelings.

- Not long after the loss, the team all went their own way home, feeling miserable about the game.

- Goshiki had his earphones in, walking towards the bus station, head hung low as he silently sobbed, feeling like absolute shit.

- You caught up to him, before basically engulfing him in a huge hug from behind, nuzzling your head into his shoulder, refusing to let go.

- He was flustered, to say the least. Frozen in place, tears continued to stream down his face in steady streaks.

- “I’m sorry for your loss today, and for yesterday too.”

- His eyes widened at your apology as he furiously wiped the hot tears, his eyes still slightly puffy and his nose still red.

- At this moment, Goshiki needed someone. Desperately. In one swift motion, he had turned around and held you with an iron grip, a hand pushing your head into his chest, his back hunched with his head in the crook of your neck as he cried, this time letting the sobs and whimpers become audible. His salty tears met your skin, rolling down to your collarbone.

- “So the reason why you’ve been avoiding me was because you liked me?”

- Goshiki nodded into your neck, still crying.

- “Well I’ve liked you since the start of the school year too, so don’t worry. I’m here for you.”

- Hearing that, he detached himself from your neck, staring at you, surprised at how calm you were and how dense he had been.

- “Wait for real?”

- You were in a hurry, since you promised to run some errands, so you did the first thing that popped into your mind.

- On your tiptoes, you gave his lips a quick peck, before running away, your face completely red.

- “For the record Tsutomu, we’re dating now I guess.”

✨Dating✨

- What a sweetie.

- At first, he’s super secretive with the relationship, not wanting people to find out.

- Especially not his parents. He would have hell personally sent to him in a cute little death package if they ever found out he was dating someone.

- He tried his best not to show any trace of him being in a relationship during practice.

- But alas, Tendou once sneaked up on you two holding hands at school and instantly knew.

- This redhead announced it to the whole team that you two were dating and you almost beat him up.

- Now, he’s opened up a lot more about this than when it first started.

- No, his parents still don’t know about you two.

- But his friends knew not to hit on you, and the volleyball team would constantly tease him when you walked by, making kissy noises and over the top fake moans. Tendou once shoved two balls up his chest just to imitate you. You looked over to see your third year senior with an ahegao face, two volleyballs unevenly shoved into his shirt as he skipped around. You stared in disgust, giving him a slight scowl before turning around and continuing with your shit.

- Needless to say his other balls were absolutely wrecked by Goshiki.

- Will spoil you so badly like damn.

- Occasional gifts from lil bowl cut is something you should definitely expect.

- Sometimes you’ll just randomly find a new pair of earrings or a new phone case on your desk with a note from him, while your classmates stare in awe and lowkey envy you from afar.

- Very, very frequent dates.

- I’m talking like every weekend, and sometimes even after school on friday.

- Dates planned by Goshiki aren’t ever extravagant or anything, but god damn do they make you feel blessed. Usually it’s just to a cute cafe, maybe a carnival, or a movie date.

- Dates planned by you though? Ohohohoho he was in for so much fun. I’m talking trampoline parks, amusement parks, gaming cafes, volleyball dates, all that fun shit.

- You would let him teach you how to play volleyball, and end up laughing your ass off at how incredibly bad you were while he kinda just gives up on teaching you and goofs around.

- Your hands running through his hair is literally the best thing he has ever felt no cap.

- Likes to cup your cheeks a lot, just to make you flustered.

- (Secretly loves it so much when he’s able to make you all blushy because oh my god you look so cute.)

- You’re not allowed to sleepover at his, nor is he allowed to sleepover at yours because strict parents!

- The rare times when your parents allow you to go “help your friend Goshiki study,” you guys actually do serious studying.

- Then right after that comes the cuddling.

- Okay let’s be real, Goshiki would probably be really awkward at the start.

- He’d probably try make sure you were comfortable, so his body would be twisted into some weird position.

- But he eventually found his favourite way to cuddle with you, in a way where both of you could just lay in peace comfortably without breaking your backs.

- Most times, he would lie sideways on his bed facing you. He’d snake one hand around your lower back, the other to your head as he pulls you in close, resting you against his chest. You could hear his heartbeat, which sped up every time you nuzzled against him.

- Cute.

- Will give you pecks on the lips every single morning when he first sees you, wherever he is.

- It do not matter to him how many people are watching, he do not care. At all.

- Holds your hand e v e r y w h e r e .

- He’s also very fond of forehead kisses.

- He just finds them so heartwarming and intimate in a non sexual way.

- Every time something was bothering you, or you were just breaking down because of how shitty life was, he knows exactly what to do.

- He’d pull you into a tight hug, kissing the top of your head while drawing circles on your back with his fingers.

- If it was worse and you were crying, he likes to wipe your tears for you, kissing the stains on your cheeks, before planting a soft kiss on your forehead.

- Loves it when you wear his hoodies.

- They’re oversized on you and oh my god sweater paws are the death of him. 

- You’re honestly relieved he’s not looking for anything sexual. 

- He’s too pure for that shit, keep his innocence.

- You made a promise to cheer for him wearing his jersey whenever he played in matches, and you’ve never broken it.

- PDA.

- SO MUCH PDA.

- This boy. He loves showing you off to his teammates so much.

- “I may not be as good as Ushijima at volleyball yet, but at least I’m not a crusty single bitch.” -Goshiki to some rando that insulted his skills and personality

- “You guys go look for your own plus ones to the school dance, I’m keeping y/n.” -Goshiki to his friends

- “Stop imitating her Tendou-san, it’s insulting to her. You’re too odd to get even close to imitating her accurately.” -Goshiki to Tendou who had volleyballs in his shirt and pants

- Please just protect him at all costs, he’s so precious.

Love how the request was for relationship hcs and I ended up writing more backstory lmaoo

Still hope you liked it though I worked on this for days xx🥺🥰

[disorderedsleepingthoughts]

Halloween dinner

Took my antihistamine again, didn't have any nerve for lying around, awake, thinking nothing or anything. Did its job, even though not as well as last time.

Yesterday I was with my family and some friends. We had a Halloween dinner and I think I took the antihistamine a little bit too early (around 7 or 8?). Got really tired around 10pm already, went to bed 11.30 and woke up around 5am. But it was okay. The dinner actually was really cool, my friends got along with my family very well and we had nice conversations. But social situations like that are exhausting for me, too, and there always comes a time where I just want to be alone and quiet.

[etraytin]

Quarantine, Day 236-238

November 2-4  Well, it's been a hell of a few days but I have to write the journal entry sometime, I suppose. Monday night I went to bed super early and last night I was exhausted and heartsore, and today I've got a nervous stomachache that just won't quit, but if I'm journaling this year, this is going to be a pretty important inflection point.  Monday was a day where not a lot happened, or not a lot I can remember at this point anyway. I made my butternut squash soup in the evening so I could take it to the precinct in the morning and put myself to bed at 10pm, several hours earlier than normal because I had to wake up at four. I didn't sleep great, but I used the Boring Books for Bedtime podcast to get me to sleep and I was able to get some rest. I also laid out my clothes ahead of time so I wouldn't have to wake my husband up at that hour just so I could get dressed.  Tuesday morning I woke up, showered, dressed and packed up my bag for the precinct, all in less than an hour. I wound up cutting it a little close at the end, so when I got to the car and realized I'd forgotten my piping hot travel mug of pumpkin spice coffee with pumpkin spice creamer, I reluctantly went on without it. There was coffee from a machine at the precinct, but it definitely was not as good. But I did arrive on time, so that was good. There is a lot to do in the hour between 5am and 6am when the polls open. 

My position this election was procedural specialist, which basically meant that whenever a situation cropped up that required a procedure, I was the one who went and did it. This was things like "voter with absentee ballot wants to trade it in for a regular ballot," "voter with absentee ballot does not have their ballot and will have to vote provisionally," "voter is not on the pollbook and is not 100% sure whether they are registered, but wants to vote provisionally just in case they are," "something about voter has changed, usually married name or address, and they need to fill out a new voter registration form while they are voting" and "voter has no ID/ voter wants to give us a hard time about ID and needs to fill out the confirmation of identity form before voting." There's a lot of stuff to remember, and I crammed pretty hard in the days before the election, as well as stuffing my manual with post-it flags for important topics. 

During a busy election, being a procedural specialist could be pretty daunting, even overwhelming. Every unusual voter has to be handled carefully, to give their vote the best possible chance of being counted. Lucky for me, our precinct had very heavy early-voting representation. Out of 2200 registered voters, more than 1300 had voted early in person or gotten absentee ballots in the mail. We only had 398 voters all day long, which is primary-light turnout. It was a little funny because we'd staffed for a contentious and complex presidential election and had nearly double the usual staff load for an election, and all of us sat around almost all day. I wound up with only six provisional votes all day, plus four ID forms, four or five voter registration updates, and three absentee-for-regular ballot switches. Unfortunately situations seemed to crop up everytime I went to the bathroom for awhile in the morning, but I had a lot of downtime.  We did have some extra staff positions that needed filled, so it was good we had some extra people. There was an outside team of four people, keeping an eye out for any trouble, handling curbside voting, and directing people to the correct door for voting or vote dropoff. We had one position for "drop box guard" because every precinct in Virginia was also an authorized drop-off location for absentee ballots on Election Day. The election board was quite concerned about the possibility that somebody might abscond with a whole damn ballot box, even though it's the size of a school-age child, so somebody had to sit next to it all day long despite the fact that we only got three dropoff ballots. And of course there were the sanitizers, people whose job was to follow every voter leaving a station and sanitize that station with disinfectant before the next voter arrived. Other than that, though, we had a lot of extra people and mainly used the day as an opportunity to train the newbies. I spent four hours in the afternoon not even working the pollbook, but watching other people work the pollbook to make sure nobody made any mistakes. It was incredibly boring.  The last hour of the night, after the polls close, is even busier than the first hour of the morning. Everybody really wants to go home, and of course the registrar is chomping at the bit to get the vote totals, but everything has to be done exactly right or we all get in trouble. In Virginia, there are a dozen boxes and envelopes that need to be filled, accounted for, sealed and returned to the office at the end of the night. Each envelope needs specific paperwork, and each paper requires the right signatures. The actual used paper ballots go in their own box, marked on the top, sealed with tape, and then further sealed with three security labels signed by every officer of election. Normally with 12 officials this is not a big deal, but getting 22 names onto those labels this time was an exercise in writing very small. We were in good shape at the end of the night because we'd had no discrepancies and only one incident all day (Laptop 3 crapped out around 3pm, leaving us with two pollbooks for the rest of the day but it didn't matter because turnout was so light that we never had any lines), but it was still a lot of work.  My particular job was to shepherd the provisional ballots and the provisional ballot log and make sure they got where they needed to go. I had to have a second officer of the opposing political party ("Hey, I need a Republican who isn't doing anything!") count the six ballots with me, affirm that there were six ballots on the voting log, and then sign and seal them into their envelope. After that I helped get documents into the correct envelopes and make sure that everything got sealed according to the extremely arcane rules. It was honestly the most exciting and fast paced part of the entire day, and we broke down and packed up the entire precinct in only ninety minutes.  I went home exhausted to watch results, and of course it wasn't what we'd been hoping for. I can't believe so very many people are still totally ready for more of Trump's bullshit and incompetence. It honestly boggles my mind how such a hateful man gets so many otherwise reasonable people to vote for him. Even though I understood in principle the idea of a red mirage with early ballots being counted late, I was heartsick when I went to sleep and despite being exhausted, I slept very poorly.  This morning the news was better, though not great. A close race means litigation, and of course Trump claimed victory overnight despite huge numbers of uncounted ballots. He is human garbage. Our Democratic congresswoman held her seat, and her opponent made a gracious concession speech that was actually eloquent and nice. It's bizarre how quickly something like that becomes an oddity. But most of the mail-in ballots were for Democrats, as predicted, and the outcome is better, though still far from certain. After all these failures of prediction, I'm afraid to believe in anything at this point. But maybe tonight I will at least get some sleep.  Despite everything, life went on today. The kiddo had a day off for teacher workday because it's the end of the first quarter already. Jesus. I cleaned up the kitten room enough that my husband can now use it as the office it actually is supposed to be, so he worked in there today and I got my bedroom back. That was a high point of the day, definitely. I got my period, so that sucked, but at least I could lay in bed for awhile and not be on camera for a bunch of college students. In the morning I drove down and transported a cat to the recovery room for spaying tomorrow, which closed up another TNR site. We're picking away at our list, slow but sure, but it just keeps getting longer. There are  so many cats!  Later in the day, I noted that the kiddo had been using a lot of screen time and we had a discussion about whether he'd done the chores to actually earn those points. He cleaned out the dishwasher and went to clean his bathroom, and I was just about to start dinner when I heard the terrifying dual noises of running water and "MOM! THE TOILET IS FLOODING!" And it sure was, with gusto! I ripped the tank lid off and grabbed the float to stop the water running, and made the guys grab every towel in the house to get water off the floor before we gave the downstairs neighbors a bath. The flood lasted only about 30 seconds, but it put quite a bit of water on the floor. I was able to get the flapper back in place and determine nothing in the tank was actually broken, the flapper had just gotten stuck when the overflow began and it had cascaded from there.   But what had caused the backup? There was no waste in the water, one small blessing, just lots and lots of disintegrating toilet paper bits. The kiddo admitted that he'd had an inspiration while cleaning the toilet. There was a lot of gunk under the rim, he had explained, and he thought that if he could get the water high enough in the bowl, it would wash away the gunk with no need to scrub. So he'd taken a bunch of toilet paper and shoved it in the toilet to block it up, gotten the bowl nice and full, and then immediately realized he'd created a situation he couldn't stop. (He seemed to have been planning to use the plunger to remove the blockage, not realizing quite how much toilet paper he was using.) He was extremely contrite about the whole thing and promised to run future brilliant cleaning ideas past a parent for review. The clog proved highly resistant to plunging, and after an hour I was almost ready to throw in the towel and call maintenance to snake the damn thing. As a last ditch effort, I completely emptied the bowl, then filled it with a bucket of the hottest water I could coax from the bathtub, and used that to plunge. It worked, and the toilet finally flushed. Whew.  And then I had to make supper! I put together a nice meatloaf and preheated the oven, only for smoke to come pouring out of the damn thing. See, yesterday while I was working the polls, my husband cooked something, chili I think, in the oven, and realized that the pot he was using was much too full. He put a pan under it, but apparently the pot was much-much too full, because it overran that and the pan and got all over the oven and set off the smoke alarm. He'd wiped out the oven, but I think he missed the broiler and that's why it smoked right up again. At this point I just sighed and started looking for microwave meatloaf recipes. I did find one, and though it was not as good as oven meatloaf, it was edible, and I was really very done with household tasks for the day.  Now it is getting late and I'm beat, but the nerves won't go away. It is so hard to be in the same position as four years ago, disappointed in your country, terrified to hope for anything, but clinging to the possibility that things will be okay. It hurt so badly before, even worse than now I think, because it was so shocking. I guess it's like the first time your home gets ruined by a flood versus the second time, both times your house is ruined, but the second time at least you weren't surprised that something like this could happen. I wish I knew how to get off this flood plain. On the other hand, my Tumblr post of kittens has really taken off and has over a thousand notes. Apparently I was not the only one in need of high-octane cuteness to give my brain a few seconds of peace and happiness. I'm going to try and get some sleep now, here's hoping for better dreams and better tomorrow. Please, please, please. 

[ontochristine]

02.01.21

Two weeks since EK’s birthdate. I had hoped to write this sooner, while things were still fresh, but I’m learning that newborn care takes a lot of attention!

To recap my labor & delivery...

My EDD was 1/29. Up until January’s Kaiser appointments, EK had been measuring a little larger so we all thought he’d come sooner. Then Jan’s appointments showed he was back on track. It was both good and disappointing news. Work picked up after the holidays and my coordinator just started, so I needed the time to catch her up and get things in order. On the flip side, at 37 going on 38 weeks, I was really uncomfortable; sleeping horribly, back hurting, eating endlessly, etc. In other words, I was ready for baby to come out asap. By mid-Jan, DK & I figured baby would come closer to his EDD, whereas before DK figured he’d come around 2 weeks early and I thought he’d come 1 week early.

Fridays became my favorite days of the week while pregnant because 1) end of work week, 2) our takeout day and 3) sleep aid night (sleeping was awful during pregnancy and the sleep aid helped me get one full night of rest). So Friday, I wound down and went to bed between 9-10pm, while DK played DOTA in the second bedroom per usual. Sat am, I woke up with a spreading warmth waist down. I thought at first maybe I had like triple the layer of blankets in that area until I felt the wetness with my hands. Then thought to myself, “Is this my water breaking?” So I started to yell for DK but he was knocked out. I waddled my way to the bathroom, stripped, washed off my body & my PJ pants. At this point, I figured, “Well who knows how urgent this is. I’ll wake up DK after I’ve called Kaiser.” So I call, they advise to come to hospital as soon as possible - but no crazy rush - and I wake up DK, who doesn’t leap to his feet but more annoyed/groggy haha. This man doesn’t like to be woken up anyway. Knowing we have time, I put on makeup (I admit it! I’m vain!), try to figure out how to stop the leaking with the limited pads I have, and start packing last few things into the hospital bag. Then I eat an apple and write Janice’s bday card (whyyy do I irrelevant things during times like this). We finally head out and because of COVID, only I walk into the hospital where I’m seen in the triage area. Since it’s so early (before 8a), the hospital is really quiet and a Korean nurse comes to see me. I count both these things as God’s hand over me :) She chatters on and on about this and that and tells me that DK should definitely bring up snacks and it’ll be a while. So I send DK to Costco and he ends up coming to the hospital around 1p, after I’ve moved to the L&D unit.

The medical staff administered pitocin around 11a (?) and from 11a-4p, we just waited for the contractions to build up. Started a new show called Cobra Kai and ate the popsicles from the hospital. ALSO important to note that I sent DK to buy snacks in the am and then we later found out once Pitocin is in my system, I can’t eat solids until baby is out. I had like 8 popsicles over the course of waiting. Anyway, come 4p, the contractions were painful enough to request the epidural and by then, I started crying from the pain. It was just like the miscarriage contractions. I think the reminder of that mc coupled with the new pain made it an emotional experience for me again. The tears wet my mask, I muffled my gasps bc of the nurses and I was embarrassed, and my mind was just blank from the pain. I don’t know how women deliver without the epidural!! With the epidural hooked up and several tubes and devices on me, the pain subsided but around 6-7p, a bunch of nurses and doctors stormed into our room saying “baby is a little grumpy so we’re gonna do XYZ”. One staff member started reading off C-section risks to me to get my verbal consent, others tried to get me into an all-fours position, while another put an oxygen mask on me. I think the oxygen mask really freaked me out. Meanwhile DK was off to the side just watching and I didn’t say anything. Eventually things calmed down, we didn’t need the C-section and DK & I agreed that some calmer context would have helped haha. We waited overnight to dilate fully and by 5am on Sunday, we were ready to go! After pushing for 5 minutes, EK was born (cone-shaped and blue) and my first words were, “What the heck!” Once we cleaned up, it hit me how freaking adorable he was. DK sent photos and messages to both families and that was that!

As the epidural wore off and the catheter removed , I was introduced to the wonderful & embarrassing world of urinary incontinence. Almost immediately, I wet myself (a lot!) and the nurses had to tend to me. Thankfully, I heard, read or watched YT videos about this so I was pretty shameless about it. Like, what can I do? I have no control! We got moved to the post partum unit before Sunday noon which was slightly smaller and there, we had a nurse or doctor check on us or EK every other hour. Going to the bathroom every three hours to prevent serious leaking was annoying and the IV became super painful, since I started to move around and hold EK. I was on email for about an hour, canceling & consolidating meetings, and crafting my final week at work message. I decided I needed one more week (even while EK was here) to transition everything smoothly and feel at peace, which is another way of saying “I know it’s unconventional but this is how I want to do things!” I finally checked my phone - not sure why, but I hated the thought of texting or holding conversations during the L&B/pp time. I think I was just exhausted. I slept so poorly with the nurses coming to check on me every hour from the night before and I was just mentally and physically off. 

Come Monday am and with the prospects of going home soon, I felt better and Facetimed umma & appa. When I got wheeled Covid with EK in my arms, the nurse covered his face with the swaddle...covid things to recall years from now. Finally, we got home! And as we lifted EK out from the carseat, DK & I were both kind of amazed. “It’s like we went shopping and came back with a baby!” And the first few nights, of just me and DK, were so special. Just figuring it out. Powered by adrenaline and burning desire to do things right for our baby.

On night 2, EK’s circumcision bandaid had come undone and hung onto his skin by a thread. We didn’t know what to do, since we were told this & that about the circumcision healing process. Anyway, we decided to pull it off and EK’s cries broke me - and I’m pretty sure it tore at DK too. We knew it was already painful for EK but the sight of the swelling, bright red part + his crying was too much for these two new parents. I cried and cried and cried haha. But to conclude the whole circumcision story, after about 1 week of careful tending, he is fully and perfectly healed :)

[a-cat-in-a-funky-hat]

Went to bed at like 10pm last night and woke up at 7am, was awake for a bit and at around 9:30 I took a half nap (sorta like, I listened to an ASMR video and drifted in and out of sleep) it's about 11am now. WHAT IS MY SLEEPING RHYTHM

Oh yeah, in the past weeks I ususally went to bed at like 5am and got up around 11am.

[drakewalkerfantasy]

17 questions, 17 people

Thanks for tagging me @openheartthot

nicknames: Lara, Lorik

zodiac: Libra

height: 5’4

hogwarts house: 43% Hufflepuff, 24% Gryffindor (I thought I'm more Gryffindor) also I have 21% Ravenclaw, and 12% Slytherin, but who doesn't 

last thing i looked up: Matt Smith nudes and wouffle smut (Sorry...)

song stuck in my head: Photograph by Ed Sheeran

no. of followers: 330

amount of sleep: It's really hard to say... Sometimes I go to bed before 10pm. Yesterday I went after 11pm, than woke up after 2am as baby needed some feeding, than again after 5am... And I didn't sleep since. Most night are like that as specially Friday's as I wait to know what will happen in OH.

wearing: black warm leggings, black long tunica

lucky number: I think it could be 8

favorite instrument: guitar (I never played tho), piano (I payed a little)

favorite song: It's really a lot, everytime different so I really have no idea.

dream job: doctor (but I never pursued that as I'm afraid of morgues) or software developer, but I work as database administrator

aesthetic: England 19th century

favorite author: Jane Austen, Andrzej Sapkowski (he is amazing)

favorite animal noise: kitty purr is the sweetest

random: I'm totally in love with Dr Who Eleventh Doctor and yep I started to ship him with Clara and cannot accept 12th Doctor and I'm positive that Clara not only admitted she fancies doctor but in 8th season she basically admits it's more than that. And he also admits it by saying goodbye. He NEVER said goodbye, he hates endings. FFS he couldn't say to his wife but with her it's different. It's more deep so he said goodbye and it still breaking my damn hear :( Also it seems I have a thing for Doctors with bowties :)

I tag: @choices-bound @desireepow-1986 @annekebbphotography @emichelle @the-pale-goddess @ao719 @xxrainbow-princessxx 

[byuncock]

Untitled

requested: no

word count: 2,599

edited: naw

—

our relationship is fine. as fine as an arranged couple's marriage should be.

i am currently sitting on the couch mindlessly staring at the television screen. looking at the clock from time to time it was already 10pm and baekhyun was still at work.

sighing at the thought of the food i cooked on the table going cold. i sat there for awhile now. even stopped checking the time since i know he'll be coming home past 12am as usual.

it was 2:14am when i heard the front door's knob jiggled and in came baekhyun. he looked tired. he been looking tired for the past few weeks, i noticed but every time i try to ask all of his answers are "nothing important".

staying silent as i watched him take off his shoes and come in through the living room to go towards the bedroom. not noticing me until he saw the television screen and trailed his eyes to me.

"hey baby, what are you doing up?" he questions tiredly though doing his best to give you a smile.

"couldn't sleep" i replied to him as i watch his face give i a pout as he retreats to the bedroom.

"i'd stay up with you, but work is tiring me out. good night" he yawns.

i hear him taking a shower before getting ready for bed. i stay on the couch though. still not being able to find the sleep ineed despite how tired and drained i've been feeling.

feeling how distant we both have gone. barely any time for each other. whenever we sleep together there is a gap. no longer feeling the warmth i crave.

and worst of it all. he hasnt told me i love you since our last anniversary dinner. which was a month or so ago. this has been going on for a month and i am fed up.

doesnt seem long but when you experience it, it feels like a year.

i dont know how long it had been until i heard noises in the room and out came baekhyun. in his usual work attire.

baekhyun sees me still on the couch and questions, "why didnt you come to bed last night?" why didnt you ask me earlier?

"can't sleep" i vaguely reply. looking over at the clock it was 5am.

he nods in reply and put on his shoes. leaving for work. no good bye kiss. no i love you. not even a single affection of some sorts. thats when i had enough.

planning to visit his work later after i freshen up and ready myself for whatever storm i have to face when talking to him about this.

getting up from the couch i went over to the bedroom and took my time to freshen up.

after putting some food in my system for the day ahead i headed out. the drive to his office was nerve wrecking for some reason.

arriving at the building i walked in. passing by the receptionist you gave her a smile. she instantly stood up and bowed giving you a grin.

walking through the offices there were a bunch of workers around about, not forgetting to greet you though. when you made it to baekhyun's office floor things seems to be eerily quiet.

too quiet and it was almost scary. his door was down the hall. his door was slightly ajar. not knowing if he was in his office or not you take a peek.

he was indeed in his office, but he wasn't alone. he is sitting on top at the front of his desk. arms crossed with his eyebrows furrowed while talking to someone.

i was going to leave and just wait for him to finish conversing with whoever he is with until the person made it's appearance.

she was dangerously close to him to be talking to him about some offer of a deal. she got even closer by caging him in his arms by putting her arms on both sides of him on his desk. their faces inches apart from where their lips can touch.

i was shocked, hurt, angry, every emotion you can get. not knowing what to do or if i should barge in, but my grabbed my phone out of my purse and quickly dialed a number.

before things could get worse between the pair in the room a ringtone broke the tension. though the phone kept ringing the both of them made no signs to move.

baekhyun turned his head to look at the caller id that was calling him. he was staring intently at his phone but not reaching out to pick it up.

i watched him stare at his phone, praying for him to pick up. even when the ring stopped he didnt move a muscle.

the woman grabbed his chin and turned his face over to meet her face again. a sly smirk made its way across her lips. everything turned silent after i hung up the call. not believing he stood your call, but is it shocking since he's been ignoring my calls for a while now?

"so" the lady sultry says, "everything could be over if you accept my offer" she purrs.

confusion flashed across my face. what could be over? what offer? i was confused, so mad, and so hurt i really wanted to burst in and stop them.

i was going to burst in until he leaned in. not wanting to witness what happens after she leans in i left.

walked through the building with tears streaming down my face. not caring if the workers saw.

finally, even though it felt like years, i made it out the building. going over to my car and got in. quickly driving home, away from the building, away from him.

when i made it home i just threw my body on the bed. everything hurts. my heart was literally broken. i am sobbing into my pillow.

thinking about how the past few nights i slept without his embrace. went on with day for the month without his love or affection. and now i knew why.

turning over on the bed to stare up at the ceiling i rose my left hand. staring at the promise ring he gave me a few months ago during our anniversary. now everything just seem like a joke.

i would of spent even more hours wailing then getting ready to leave him until i heard the front door slam. quick steps were approaching and there he was.

"baby" he says breathlessly. as if he ran all the way over here from his workplace. i stared at him for a moment before turning my attention back to the ceiling. the tears threatening to fall again.

i sniffed and thats when i felt the right side of the bed dip. his face coming to view.

"why didnt you tell me you were coming to visit me at work?" he questions softly, staring at you.

"even if i called, you didnt answer" i whisper then stared at him. letting him see how broken you are. how broken he made you.

he was lost for words. so what his coworkers were telling him were right. you were there. then you left. with tears.

"baby, i can explain. what you saw at my work was not wh-" he tries to explain to me, but i cut him off.

"please leave, baekhyun. i don't want to see you right now" i try to stay as calmly as possible. though i was anything but calm.

"baby please let me explain-" he desperately tries again, but i sat up. almost bumping our heads, making him move back slightly. i reached for my left ring finger and as quickly as i can, take it off then threw it outside our bedroom door

i was heaving. now tears have fell and baekhyun looked over at the door where the sound of a ring dropping is made. he looked at my face. with a painful, regretful, and saddened expression.

i didnt dare look at him though as i stare straight ahead waiting for him to leave. when i heard him get up to grab the ring i ran over to our bedroom door and closed it. locking it too.

knocks and yells were made on the other side of the door. i can hear him calling for me, crying in the process of trying to let him in, but i dont.

i cover my ears trying to block his cries as i cried. falling asleep in that position with him as the last thing on my mind.

the sound of the alarm woke me up. i went over to it and slammed the snooze button. checking the time it was 10am. Baekhyun should be out at work now. I thought as i got up.

i opened the door heading out of the bedroom until i stumbled across a body by the door. i was on the floor from tripping over baekhyun. he seem to be stirring awake from my clumsiness and we made eye contact.

i quickly got up on my feet to go back in the room and close the door, but baekhyun quickly grabbed me and wrapped his arms around my body.

i was thrashing in his arms. trying to get him to let go of me since i dont want to be anywhere near him. nonetheless touch by an unfaithful partner.

"let me explain, please" he sounded so broken. his voice was hoarse, probably from crying. but it just made you even angrier.

he held me tighter as long as it takes for me to calm down. when a minutes have passed and i have finally gave up in trying to escape, i let him hug me.

baekhyun takes this chance to explain what happened. clearing his throat, "i dont know when you came in yesterday and what you saw, but i assure you nothing happened" he says carefully.

i was lifeless. basically, he was holding my entire form together before i completely break apart.

sensing my silence he held me a bit tighter burying his head in my hair as he gently pressed kisses around. continuing, "that lady... she is one of my new partners in work. we hired her a few weeks before this whole thing started".

"she tried seducing me, tried countless of ways to get closer to me, but being the smart and loyal man i am i never gave in and i even called her out on it" he pulls away from you to cup your face.

"but that pissed her off.. she- she started messing with my paper works, my deals and partnership, i couldn't do anything, baby." his voice broke as he tried explaining for you to understand.

"i didnt know what to do. i told her i would fire her if she kept this up, but because she is the daughter of one of my most loyal partner...... she told me she would ruin me by telling lies with proof of fake documents i dont even know where she is getting it from" he is sobbing now. though a ton of bricks have finally lifted off his chest he was still scared.

i was still silent. taking in everything he had said, but one question is lingering in my mind that i hope is false.

"you said you never gave in to her foul play, right?" your voice so small baekhyun had to stop breathing just to hear. "then how come i saw the both of you kiss" you looked up at him, tears forming in your eyes at the memory.

"no no baby, she leaned in, but i assure you our lips did not touch. i pushed her away right when she leaned in. i knew she was going to do that, but i was waiting for her to do it so that if she does yell for help i can say that she was trying something on me without my consent." he explains, a bit too quickly for my brain, but i understand. i nod to him, my eyes casting downwards.

"even after all these explanations, i dont understand why you havent been giving me the love and affection i've been yearning for" i sniffed. heart hurting from all the pain. i look down tears wetting his suit.

"i'm so sorry, baby. for that reason... i just... i just couldnt bring myself to touch you, make love to you, or even say the three words because of how dirty things feel. i know i told you i did nothing with her, but i still felt dirty. im so sorry, baby" he is crying. trying his best to speak as he wraps his arms around you again. holding you tight.

understanding now you oat his back to calm him down. though the pain in your heart ceased a bit, it was still there.

"im- im so so- sorry, baby. for a- all the th- things i've put you through" he was hiccuping. the thought of how lonely and sad you mustve felt because of his cold actions towards you.

"let me make it up to you , baby. please i promise to be better . i promise to treat you better not do that ever again. " he says brokenly. cupping your face again as he pecks all over your face, but your lips.

"please, let me make it up for you, please" he desperately says while searching for your eyes.

you think for a moment. about everything he says. all the drama that happened and see how much shit he's been going through. although he should of told you about it he made it worse for himself.

baekhyun took your silence as a bad sign when he leaned his forehead onto yours. closing his eyes as he whispered, "baby, please forgive your shit of a boyfriend and let him treat you right. please" he opens his eyes at the last word to stare at your brown orbs.

"this is your only chance" you say before he swoops in and kisses you on the lips. the both of us meet each other head on. my arms finally wrapping around him to pull him closer as his arms trailed everywhere around you.

he picked me up and carry me over to the bed and laid me down. that night we spent reuniting with one another.

-

next morning came and the alarm rang for 10am. you woke up startled, but just laid there trying to back to sleep. you hear rustling on the other side of the bed as baekhyun turned off the alarm and wrapped his arm around your waist again.

confused by his action you turned over, "not going to work?" you questioned. while staring at his cute face. he shakes his head.

"i'll take care of whatever i need to take care of at home......... and that means firing that woman" he says before he made himself comfortable by snuggling closer to you.

i was a bit worried because of what baekhyun said she can do to him if he fires her, "but what about the lies she will do?"

"i'll face whatever bump it takes me and because i know and you know that i am innocent, that is enough" he smiles though his eyes are still closed.

not wanting to disturb him any further i fully turn to him and get closer to him. wrapping my arm around his torso. giving him a quick peck on his lips before closing my eyes to drift off again.

—

authornote: hello xD! i just wrote this for the past few hours after remembering a oneshot i read on tumblr similar to this that is no longer posted. so i figured to just write something similar to keep myself from going crazy by not being able to read it again aha. sry for the mistakes you see, but i hope you enjoy reading!

- admin b

[lockdownuk]

Lockdown Diary Part 6

A personal account during the lockdown in the UK due to the Covid-19 outbreak.

23/03/2020 8:30pm Boris Johnson, UK Prime Minister, gives a live address to the nation to, effectively, put the country on lockdown to stem the spread of the deadly coronavirus strain, Covid-19.

Many of us have been self-isolating for days but this latest development within the UK in reaction to the pandemic feels very serious and very scary. I decided to keep a simple diary and where better but online.

Day 151: Great hour or so last night around Foggy’s. When I got home I watched World War Z and some stand up by Nate Bargatze and drank and smoked loads. Today, I got up just before 2pm and felt soooo unmotivated. I was going to have a day of doing fuck all but had a change of heart around 7pm so did my stair climb then walked for over an hour (7km) and got home at 9:30pm!

Day 152: Typing on day 153. I popped up and saw Foggy last night. One of the reasons was I wanted to take him a beer to say thanks for looking over my mitigation statement for my impending court hearing for speeding. He liked what i wrote but has given me some key amendments. Basically free solictor advice and I am very grateful. While there he hit me with the news that Ham’s sister, Preeya, has died (last Friday 14th August) from Covid 19. To say i was gobsmacked is an understatement. She was 49. The family could only talk to her over a loud speaker and had to say good bye that way as her life support was swithced off. Fucking hell, it’s terrible. And, what makes it worse, is how complacent I have become about the disease while it’s causing so much tragedy. As I said to Foggy, it’s important to renew our efforts in combatting this disease so that Preeya’s death at least means we learn. I also feel guilty for not realising that many people have passed like this - just because I (sort of) knew Preeya doesn’t mean I shouldn’t feel any less sorry for the dozens of people dying and many more affected everyday. My emotions are in turmoil and yet I’m not directly affected.

Day 153: Typing this on day 154. Gone midday before I woke up. Beers in the evening and watched Den of Thieves. Great film.

Day 154: Woke up at 2:37 pm FFS. Just done a walk and I feel like shit (booze induced).

Day 155: Went to bed at about 4am yesterday but was up at 10am today so, usual Monday correction of sleep patterns. Two long walks today plus a little housekeeping on photos, sharing to the Oundle chatter group, so, quite constructive. Hoir chat with dad plus a chat with a recruitment agemt about a helpdesk manager role in Peterborough.

Day 156: Typing on Day 157. I saw Karen sitting with TTP (and two others I couldn’t make out) at the T&K on my second walk. Why does that piss me off so much? I am being like Jack in Midnight Run. I need to let go.

I am also getting wound up with Tumblr - I can only make entries on this diary blog on the PC - when I try on the Android or Apple apps, they pop up with ‘post too long’. Trying getting info from Tumblr’s online help on that though - fucking not happening. I think I might move this to a Google Blog...it’s not like anyone else reads it. I’m not sure I’d want that - it’s far more a private diary now rather than the cute ‘blog’ idea it started out as. It is now a disciplinary exercise more than anything.

Day 158: Feeling less sorry for myself now. It’s 10pm and I am having a midweek beer as I wait for tea to cook.

Day 159: Decided I will split this diary into 30 day sections to appease Tumblr. My second walk today was at 8pm ‘cos it was pissing down from about 4pm ‘til 7:30pm...very dark and so wet. Home by 9.15pm.

Day 160: I went shopping in Corby (Tesco and Asda) - I only really went so I could get blue eggs. £75 on booze! I was going up to Fog’s tonight but at around 6pm it started to piss down. So, I shall drink at home. It’s 9.15pm, I think it’s going to get messy.

Day 161: Not sure when I wnet to bed last night but I didn’t get up until 2pm. Nice long walk (9km) in the rain!

Banners and Sam G went to London to have a few with Andy P. I’m a little flabbergasted, it’s like there’s no Covid19 all a sudden.

Day 162: Bank holiday Sunday so I am having a beer or two. Tea’s cooking, gonna watch The Accountant on BBC1 at 10.30pm. Today I got up at 1.55pm and managed to have a shower and be downstairs to see the start of the Belgian GP. Hamilton won, pretty easily. I then did my stair climb and a 9.8km (6 mile) walk.

Last night I watched a rather quirky, entertaining comic horror film called Ready or Not and then Ricky Gervais - Fame. That’s the tour I saw him live after seeing Henman’s final tennis match at the Davis Cup at Wimbledon. Bloody funny - the recording could even be the show Karen and I were at. Bed at around 5am, hence not egtting up ‘til way past midday!

Day 163: Bank Holiday Monday, just like a Sunday. I am making this entry on my phone as I'm now able to due to breaking up the diary blog into 30 day sections.

Molly's Game, a film I've tried to rewatch several times but it's never been free, is on BBC2 tonight. I'm recording it right now but actually watching Seinfeld from the start on All4. The first couple of episodes are a bit ropey if truth be told. Luckily, I know it improves.

Day 164: Managed to get hold of Michelle via her daughter Daisy to place a nice big order for C. Just as well ‘cos Tim’s ignoring me!

Rang and spoke with Barry Haddon today to check he’s OK.

Day 165: Picked up C from Michelle’s in Yarwell. While there I was mauled by her over friendly Staffordshirebull terrier getting bit on the thigh. Twice in six months I’ve been bitten by dogs.

Karen WhatsApp’d to see if I’d seen Miley Cyrus on the Live Lounge!

Day 166: Forgot to say that yesterday, I also bumped into and chatted with Pete Gilder. We mainly talked about (getting caught) speeding.

Today I did over 22k steps and I am fucked. 

I replied to an email from Shirley at work HR. After the furloughed staff call on Thursday, which I didn’t attend, they want us to cash in some (more) hoilday, which is fine by me, but I have also asked if we are any clearer as to what happens on 1st October, when the rentention scheme ends. I await her reply.

Day 167: Another 20k stpes today. Just 24k needed to have completed 1m steps since the start of July.

It’s Friday, about 9.45pm. I’m going to watch Molly’s Game and have a few beers.

Day 168: Got up at just before 2pm. It’s now 10.15pm and I am just having my first beer, Today was a lazyish day, completed 12k steps.

Day 169: Completed the 1m steps with 24 days to spare. Woohoo. Now, I am unsure whether to reduce the walking I have got so used to doing? I think I might keep up an average of 11k steps a day which is all I would have needed to accomplish to reack 1m in 3 months.

I’m pleased I did it today since I :went to bed a nearly 5am this morning!

Day 170: Actually typing this on day 171. Feels weird having done the 1m steps, almost like I’ve nothing to do. However, I am of course going to keep walking but not quite as hard/much. I did feel liek I was walking myself into the ground all in the name of finishiong the task ASAP. So, today I only had one walk, did 11,5k.

Yesterday’s Italian GP was a cracker. Hamilton had a penalty and ikt ended up with Gasly winning. Full of incident including a red flag so the race ‘restarted’.

I completely forgot ot make this entry on the correct day?

Day 171: I have decided to press on with the walking - not quite so urgently as before - to see what I can achieve steps-wise in 3 months. So, today, an unusually hot day for September, I did 18k steps plus cleaned the bathroom, hoovered my room and stairs and hallway. I am fucked!

Today I have bought a set of smart scales and a new pair of Skechers. The Skechers were almost free (£69 reduced to £30ish which I had in Paypal) and the scales were £20. Still, I shouldn’t. I don’t know what will happen at the end of October when the CJRS ends plus I don’t know what punsihment will be dished out, any day now, for the speeding offence! Fuck it!

Day 172: An eventful day. Boris has restricted gatherings to no more than 6 people and will use ‘Covid Marshalls’ to police this. It’s causing a stir amongst the online community. I have set up accounts with Gurushots and Picfair to showcase my snaps. The latter offers the opportunity to sell them. I watched Anchorman 2. It was pretty good. I also postd on the Oundle chatter group about walking in front of a car the other day - the driver, a yound lady, was enchanting the way she just smiled and let me pass - I used it as an opportunity to ask about George Higgins saving a child from near death at the hands of a lorry, the post about which has disappeared.

Day 173: Lots have seen my post re: my car incident but the bait hasn’t been taken.

Sarah Haines made a nice comment about my photo posts on the Oundle Chatter group also saying that she doesn’t know me but, it turns out she does. She is James Watson’s ex from when I first moved to Oundle so we caught up on Messenger.

Rachel Harris posted a meme slating Boris about the fact we were all encouraged to go out and about (inclding the Eat Out to Help Out scheme) and now we are being sent back to ‘our room’. Some of the comments continue to slate the government. I couldn’t resist commenting that, had the royal ‘we’ maintined social distancing and remembered there’s a fucking pandemic, perhaps we might not be under impending severe lockdown, as it now looks like. I also mentioned photos I have seen (one posted by Rach herslf) whereby you could be mistaken for thinking that there isn’t a pandemic. I have finished the comment with a line about we can only blame ourselves, not the hapless government! I wonder what reaction that will get!

Day 174: Scales were delivered today. If they are accurate I am a little over 11 stones, from 12st 7lbs before lockdown. Can’t quite believe it. I have a yearly diabetic review with Lynne in October so i can check then. If the scales are wrong, I’ll be livid on 2 scores!

Friday night beers as I type. Been looking forward to them since last Saturday!

Day 175: I do not trust the new scales. I get a different reading each time I step on them and by 10-12 lbs. Fucking things. Boots arrived today - they’re going back as well. Footy season started today. Posh lost away to Acrrington Stanley. “Who are they?”

Day 176: The GP was reflagged again today (a new track at Tuscany. A red flag two races on the trot is most unusual. Hamilton won.

Day 177: I managed to get the scales working. I’m pretty much the same weight I was prior to ld (about 12.5 st). This leads me to believe that if I wasn’t doing all the walking I am, I would be as fat as a fucking house. On that note, Google Fit is playing up. It loses the step and heart point count for each walk (although the workouts retain the route map info) Wtf?

I think K and TTP might be a thing from a post I saw on FB whereby some chap (who I don’t know) commented on TTP’s post that it was nice to see him and K. Kinda gutted if it is true but I shouldn’t be. That’s all I will say on here.

Day 178: Jim contacted me today to let me know he’s leaving RCI. He was quite secretive about why and what’s going on but, there it is. He went on to say that HR will be contacting me shortly to call me back from furlough. Sueanne is taking over as team leader but that’s temporary. and that they will most likely promote from within. I struggling to think what it would be like if Mark was boss! The way RCI are and how disjointed it is with Jim as boss, I shan’t take it as read until HR do contact me. Also, I dunno how I feel about it...I have got so used to not working. But, and it’s a big but, I doubt I’ll have a job after the retention scheme finishes so, if this does pan out, it’s good. I’ll be back to job hunting while in a job, as per before the pandemic.

Also, I received an email letting me know the punishment for my speeding offence was 6 points and a £233 fine, plus costs (£90) and victim support (£34), £357 in total. More than I expected. But, no ban, so I’ll suck it up. 

Day 179: Having midweek beers. I'm in that sort of mood.

Day 180: I WhatsApp’d Jim to let him know HR haven’t contacted me. His garbled response went from telling to give them a shout and let them know he is leaving, to which I asked ‘don’t they know?’, he then said hold fire (on Sueanne’s instruction) and she has said for me to sit tight and then, finally, that HR will contact me! Fuck knows what’s going on! I had a diabetic review with Lynne today. When you go to the surgery you have to let in, which I was by Keren. It was nice to see and chat with her. She is back with Ronnie which was news to me. Then Lynne came and got me. It was nice to see and chat with her also. She weighed me and I’m 12st 3lb. Apparently in Jan last year I was over 13st!