#and now im so hungry 😭
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I keep going on hikes without putting any little snacks in my backpack for sustenance and then I get so so hungry 😭
#started this hike at 16 45 having only eaten a light lunch#zero snacka at hand#and now im so hungry 😭#and it will be another 50 mins until i reach food at least 😭
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unmedicated adhd will have you scrolling through the same posts on your dash for the third time, asking yourself How Do I Leave the House, hoping the answer somehow appears in the posts
#guys. how do you leave the house xdddd asking for a friend#what am i waiting for. why am i still here writing this fucking post instead of just getting up. and going#i need to get some groceries 😭#god this sounds so stupid I WISH I WAS JOKING#i love a brain that works.#btw i did 5/7 tasks#so success!!#now im hungry but GUESS WHAT.#ughhhh#niki.rambles#okay. heres the deal. i post this and IMMEDIATELY get up.#i need this on the record because otherwise we'll just pretend i didnt say that#okay lets go#this is therapy. self therapy or whatever#oh my god i need to shut up#IM JUST FULLY LAUGHING AT THIS POINT WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME JKGJKJKHJ#hovering over the post button overthinking like hmm shouldnt i add something. do i have more to say maybe i have more to say. maybe i shoul#ramble some more. maybe theres more thoughts- GIRL JUST STOP. STOP AND GO JFC#great glimpse into my stream of consciousness#executive dysfunction at its finest#i need to launch myself into the sun
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I'm not on t yet and it's already so bad. how to prepare
Prepare? Nuh uh. It just happens.
The rabid animal phase does go away, sort of.
The level stays mostly the same but you learn to ignore it.
If you can do it, exercising helps.
But when it hits randomly at the worst moment I’m sorry there is nothing to be done LMAO
#also you will be so hungry#hungrier than u ever thought possible#that part does mostly go away#I’m sorry idk what else to tell ya#idk how different hrt is compared to ur body just doin it#like idk how sudden it is. i guess it depends on what dose ur on#it’s just like. oh ok i guess that’s happening now well alrighty#also the mind and body disconnect WILL HAPPEN#ur body just starts doing shit and ur sitting there like damn I gotta study for this quiz#that also… doesn’t go away but#ok what I’m trying to say is after like uhh 2 years you’ll just be used to the bullshit#GOOD LUCK..#how did this become the topic of anons recently i feel like a middle school teacher 😭#is this what being the oldest sibling is like idk im the family baby but no one told me shit LOL#ask#asks#non voice post
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Magneto would love lumpia meanwhile Charles would have his Bibingka and Puto Bungbong hehe
Happy Holidays!
asks that remind me my bitchass friend kayla promised to make me *puto two years ago and she still hasnt
*puto is a filipino rice cake i do know it also means 'bitch' in spanish we do not have to address that thank you
#snap chats#'snap is the disclaimer necessary' every single time i mention 'puto' i get people clutching their pearls yes it is necessary vjAVKJ#LIKE I GET IT. CAN WE TALK ABOUT RICE CAKES NOW im hungry ...#kayla always gets beef from me but esp with puto and i only mention this when it was promised two years ago#cause SHE will always bring it up like 'oh yeah i still have to make you puto' bitch just forget it ive made it three times since then 😭#PUTO ISNT EVEN HARD TO MAKE LEGITIMATELY YOU JUST MAKE THE BATTER AND PUT IT IN THE SHIT AND STEAM IT#add a slice of cheddar on top if youre feeling especially nasty .... its so good .... anyway ..... rice cake ... i love it ...#i havent had bibingka in so long tho im PISSED. you know what else is really good tho cassava cake .. thats not rice but. lol#i never get to have filipino food on account of my mom hating cooking anything that isnt tiramisu knock offs#she really doesnt make filipino food she hasnt for years. my dad always does tho ..... whatever ....#i could always cook it myself of course. yeah... im lazy ill admit it you got me 😔#oh my god no you know whats great for the winter tinola I LOVE. chicken tinola so much#funny enough i learned how to make it when i was in the hospital from a filipino girl 🥰 we did not speak anymore after that interaction.#Also funny my fam and i were just talking about getting lumpia for christmas since theres like one (1) filipino place vaguely near us#'you guys dont make it??' on account of the fact im too lazy to make wrappers and no store near us sells any no <3#i did make lumpia myself once tho when we Did have wrappers after drivign out an hour to an asian market once#not to brag but they were pretty delicious ..... anyway ..#oh my god fuck me theres this like. speaking of rice cakes again JALKJKALJ theres this one with this delicious coconut sauce#BIKO IT'S BIKO its literally glutinous rice steamed in banana leaf with latik. UGH SOOO yummy ..... i dont have banana leaves anymore tho :#OH YOU KNOW WHATS ALSO GOOD FOR THE HOLIDAY lechon. that was my fave part bout goin to my dad's christmas parties#they had this big ass pig and i loved the ear .... crunchy as hell and so good 🤤 i havent had it in at least a decade tho..#now im hungry. and homesick. 'homesick for yoru dad?' homesick for my dad <- literally just saw him#well i get to see him again thursday :) goin to the doctor... gonna get my medicine again life is gonna be SO good !!!!!!#i have rambled far too long . happy holidays my friends !!!! do try to make puto this season ... very simple and very tasty .......
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Dreamt I was eating Malaysian food with Bang Chan 😫
#god do i wish im hungry now#bang chan take me to get Malaysia itll be fun 😇#ayam goreng butter rice cucur udang 😭#everytime i have food dreams lately the foods so vivid and then i wake up disappointed lol
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is it normal to very often even a little while after eating be ravagingly starvingly hungry to the point of feeling like ur insides are being clawed out
#actually idk if im hungry rn because food doesn’t seem appetising but i am in physical pain#its so hard like. ‘this means you should eat more’ i eat literally a normal amount now…. some would even say a lot…..#like it’s literally been like 3 hours since i ate and yet im in actual pain😭#the other day my mom was like ‘hunger isnt painful it’s just discomfort’ girl ok you have never been priplerly hungry a day in your life.#apparently. but anyway this isnt Really pain rn i guess it is just discomfort but i knooow it’ll turn to pain soon because it always does#but no food i have seems even remotely appetising i cant do thissssss#whatever#personal
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This just in, local struggler severely overestimates how much they can eat yet again. Left with half a bowl of ramen and a sad, sad heart
#speculation nation#it's homemade at least so im not wasting money on fancy ramen#but i Hate this man it sucks 😭😭😭😭#i keep losing weight bc i can never eat enough#and i was like 'ok lets make a ramen thats a good sized meal' but then i cant FINISH it#forced myself to finish all the eggs at least and now im just picking at the peas. ugh.#at this rate im gonna have to start drinking ensures more regularly again#bc i havent gotten to the underweight phase yet but if it keeps going like this then i will#like it was. excuse me talking about my weight for a bit but im a tad bit concerned about it#but back before i started adderall back in uhh. september?? i think?? or october???#fuck if i remember. been a few months tho. but also not That long.#anyways i was at like. 140lbs at the doctor and like 137lbs at home (relevant bc clothes weight. rest of this will be at home weights)#and ive had such shit appetite that ive been watching it go down and down. like at least a pound a week. sometimes two pounds.#and now im at 123lbs. which is a solid almost 15 lbs lost in like 3 ish months. which is kind of a lot when ur small to begin with.#also a little alarming when u see this happen like a pound lower between every shower. bc i tend to check before i shower.#& i often shower every 4 days or so. when im in the Rotting Era and all. aka i dont rly go outside much.#and like 123lbs still isnt bad for 5'3“ but i think 107lbs is the cutoff for underweight. and im halfway there.#and now see i was about this weight a few years back so in one respect it's nice to fit into some of my older pants again#but at the same time..thats too quick!!! thats not healthy!!!! but when i try to eat more i Cant!!! it makes me nauseous!!!!!#so back in early 2020 when i was dipping under 110lbs bc of meds stuff i got onto ensure and it did help. so maybe i need to again.#just..blegh. i just kinda feel empty all the time. like stomach-wise. but not Hungry. it's a problem.#gotta come up with ways to eat that dont rely on my stomach to tell me when to eat. bc it's definitely not doing a good job at that.#weight mention/#and like see ive been eating 2 meals a day on average but i was doing that before too!!!!!!#but i think it's bc i cant Finish my meals half the time that's really causing problems.#staring at my half eaten bowl of ramen very grumpily. it has now been long enough that it's kind of gross.#and my arms hurt. just bc my bone aches have decided to flare up again. very grumpy.#negative/#i guess lol
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thinking ab how lleyth really went thru it ™️ during their #banned era, especially bc they went from being an antivan crow accustomed to a certain amount of luxury when it came to food & drink. and then they had to eat whatever varric and harding came up with between the three of them for a year 😭
#💾#and now that lucanis regularly cooks they're right back to having their old spoiled tastes fhdjfjdkfjdkgk#but for a while there lleyth was like 'ah we're having hard pungent cheese and bland stew for dinner again? ....lovely thank you'#and then eventually got used to it like everything else in their stupid fucking baja blast life#however the one thing they DID + still enjoy are lace's ham & jam slams#and i like to think she always packs an extra for them im case they get hungry (likely)#but lleyth being a picky eater who cannot cook to save their life is so funny#like beggars literally cant be choosers babe....#i feel like they have a sensitive stomach too so their year with varric & harding was an exploratory course of IBS#they also strike me as a stockpiler. like they have a secret hidden stash of snacks and booze Somewhere in the lighthouse#which is a survival habit from growing up in the crows#aka anything not nailed down was fair game so they had to start hoarding things 😭😭😭#hashtag orphan behavior. yeah
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I think perhaps when my psychiatrist asks me how my appetite is maybe possibly I shouldn't say it's fine 🤔
#i don't KNOW 😭😭#but i am realizing#ill be hungry and not be in the mood for any kind of food#so im hungry but i dont want to eat anything#or ill be hungry but not feel like going through the process of eating 💀#which sometimes means i don't want to get up and cook#but sometimes i literally feel like i dont have the energy to perform the task of using a fork and chewing#even tho im hungry#ive never really thought about that stuff before...... but my doctor always asks about my appetite#and im always like idk i think its fine :)#but i just saw her last week for the first time in a few months#and now I'm thinking about it.......#i dont have another appointment with her for 3 more months tho 😭#i guess i should bring it up to my therapist#...... SKDNSK????#why is this actually an epiphany. thats probably really not normal#like 😭😭😭
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haven’t been on much bc my dog has been sick :( between seizures and an infected tooth we’ve been having a Time trying to get everything fixed (this started around the holidays so our vet has been very booked up…we have been like 3-4 times in the past 4-5 weeks OTL does not help it’s like an hour drive there, so that’s been exhausting) now his new seizure meds are making him sick (was hoping it was like, just an adjustment period thing but he’s been sick for a week and having concerning symptoms…) if I’m not on a ton or slow to replying to messages it’s bc I’m working as much overtime as my job will give me bc Vet Expensive and mentally drained obvi 😞
#it makes me a lil mad his meds were kinda pricy and they literally are making things worse. like sure he isn’t have seizures but he can#barely walk and keeps running into things and keeps having diarrhea so like. 🙃 and the meds are making him sooo hungry and thirsty#I’m seeing the vet AGAIN FRIDAY I know she’s so sick of me but man my little guy. if she can’t figure out a combo that doesn’t have such#bad side effects I’m literally going to scream and cry#he’s the most sensitive boy in the world and my mental health hangs on his and my cats well being. please. 😭#sanchoyorambles#I’ve also called them like twice to find out if I should stop or what they want me to do and keep getting ‘oh they’ll call u back’ WHEN#GIRL MY PUBBY#if I don’t hear back before his next dose I’m just gonna make an executive decision myself to stop them for now#he’s literally on the smallest possible dose too bc he’s so little. so. they can’t go down in dosage they’ll need to put him on smth else 😑#which means paying for ANOTHER PRESCRIPTION A WEEK AFTER ALREASY GETTING ONE THAT WAS $30 ON TOP OF HIS STUPID VET BILL#screaming.#and like if I have the money it’s fine. and it’s not like the vet could’ve known he’d have bad side effects#im just frustrated it’s no one’s fault#I could go to a closer vet. the thing is I LIKE the one further away#they have the only groomer I’ve found that can trim him without sedating him! they send me reminders abt his shots! I like the vibes!!!#they seem caring!! but they are always SOOO BUSY it takes forever to make appointments or to hear back from them 😭#remember how I said one of my goals was to buy a vechicle this year lmao the vet bills are draining any savings I’ve managed to build up 🤧#my pets are priority 1 tho like even before all the medical stuff /I/ need like lol… that’s my baby#it’s just really bad timing. not that there’s good timing for medical issues but. u know
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today i woke up with bad cramps and very little appetite so i didn't eat very much lunch. and then i went to work and the first half of my shift was suffering through cramps and then the second half was experiencing extremely intense hunger pains 😭😭
#somehow i still got a lot of shit done??? i was just miserable while doing it lmao#i also only got 5 hours of sleep last night which seems to be the trend lately (WHY am i waking up at 5 am plssss 😭)#so yeah overall just physically feeling awful today#i have now eaten btw but frankly im still hungry i might have to have a sequel to dinner today#bri babbles
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hi guys
#rambles#abt to take a nap#anyway i cant believe i survived 8 hrs of agama thats crazy#im never doing that again#worst experience ever but it was actually fun ustazah is so funny and says the most out of pocket things 😭😭😭😭#it was bad bc i was called to answer 2 times…. first she called my name and she second time those sitting in the second row#which turned out to be me (again)#i kinda regret not getting lunch bc now im so hungry but imma get cheese naan tonight idcidcidc#gn
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we have these baubles with a bunch of our family's names written with these glitter glue pens or whatever they are
and this time around my mom changed mine to my new name
and i kinda wanna cry about it
cause i walked down the stairs to the living room and i saw them all resting on towels and drying
i sat down on the couch to just look them over
i was searching for my bauble but i tried to act like i wasn't, don't think i was actually too subtle about it but i pretended
there were baubles with the names of our pets, half siblings, nephews and i found mine
and my mom had changed it
i had a hunch she might've, it's just like her to do something like that
but idk i guess it just kinda really drove home the point that i am accepted and this is all real? it's not some elaborate daydream or something i came up with after fantasizing about coming out and all
im just feeling some trans joy
sorry it's 4am i can't sleep but i am thinking and feeling and my family accepts me and im just overwhelmed with it all and ahshdjfjfjshhdnffmmgvm..... y'know
#i kinda wanna draw about it but again. its 4am. go the fuck to sleep why dont you#also i am so fkn hungry help#shit now i got fkn period cramps too this sucks ass and not in the fun way auhhgg#im gonna get smth to drink n eat i think. i think i should#<- why is this the kinda shit i ramble abt in the tags on a post like this wth???? 😭💀💀💀#ok no imigght fall asleep actually
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Me cutting the lino matrix of a pond landscape view for my class: how do I make this about mobrei
#i think im sleepy but i still have like one third of that thing to finish#my chisels are so blunt by now#no sharp chisel for me.... bigger bicep then. workout..... sigh im hungry#its 10 after midnight do i just give up#im listening to music and now every song is about mobrei. yes cheri cheri lady too#yes geronimos cadillac is now mobrei too. to me.#mobrei#rambling#im sorry i just really need to draw them cuddling and i cannot!!!! 😭👿
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ughh
#guess who dmed us again#chopin uk rapper edition#im used to obsession now im so sick of his ass 😭😭😭 put some effort into convos#wsp is that i need you to go away now bro im done w ur ass 😭 im over excrush and this guy theyre so ick#i am NOT settling godbless bro 💀🙏#this is not how u get a girl bro wym wsp wsp and dont like my stories my posts nothingg#im hungry and its lmost lunchtime godblesss rei been yapping ab chris riley whatever#sorry u cant find the final event ur missing ig not my problem tho 💪 im just better#post#erics tag#mae mention
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Despite all odds, I have arrived home safely👍
Turns out that the earlier goop was the better goop. The adderall goop. The adderall has worn off now though. So I am. Very incredibly out of it.
But I am home. And I will take my quick shower. And then I will climb into bed.
I do need to eat. But... later...
#speculation nation#im the special kind of tired where im more tired than hungry#which is to say my every cell is yelling at me to get some fucking sleep.#and i dont think id be much more successful at eating rn than i was this morning.#i ate. half a can of chef boyardee. which was half bc i was so focused on typing and half bc i could barely stomach it.#so i at least ate Something. but not as much as normal.#i did have an ensure in the middle of the day. so theres some nutrients too at least.#i'll eat after i get a few hours of sleep. when the edge is no longer so desperate.#and hopefully i'll be able to stomach things better then.#honestly have all nighters always been this hard or am i just getting older? i havent actually pulled an all nighter since uhhh#well there was kind of one on dead dad day. but that day sucked just in general.#last time i think was april '23 when i read t.rimax volume 9-14 within a 24 hour period while also finishing a final presentation.#even then tho i got like 2 hours of sleep. it was still pretty rough though.#like ok i guess those times were pretty awful and also i did get at least some sleep. which is more than today.#so it makes sense for me to be in worse shape rn. i also didnt get as much sleep the night before last as i wanted to#i got... ...maybe 4 hours sleep??? ummm. which isnt a good thing actuslly. no wonder im so fucking exhausted.#i can barely type right now i will be honest. it was so hard to bike home. it took all my focus to not drive off a bridge#or get pushed into traffic by wind. oh boy the wind sure did try.#then i almost tripped down the stairs at my apartment after grabbing the mail bc i Briefly was focused on my mail 🙄#barely present. total mess. but at least im home. and i already did all the thinking i need to do today.#i was brave. i perservered. i was tempted to give up around 6 am ish but i was like No. this is getting done TODAY.#so i did it. i turned it in. and i so bravely did my in class work for my 2nd class. even though i was so mentally not present the whole way#i did my thinking... i am home... rest soon.#actually its kind of funny im lying on my couch rn and i think if most other ppl were in my current state theyd fall asleep right here.#but the power of my insomnia is so. powerful. i am not at risk of falling asleep without meaning to.#only time thats ever actually happened are like. a handful of times i was like. the most tired ive ever been in my life. etc etc.#in fact idk how well i'll be able to fall asleep for my nap. i certainly couldnt last night despite how hard i tried.#hopefully this time... i am truly tired enough....pls i need to rest i am so tired 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
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