#and now im already out and spending money
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ᯓ strawberry rush ‧₊ ᵎᵎ 🍓 ⋅ ˚✮
enjoying dessert with riku!!
a/n; we luv andmiss you king 🙏 my work is never proofread soo might be spelling mistakes
riku x gn!reader
no cws! fluff, sfw
wc: 774
youre on a date with your boyfriend riku. the both of you enjoy sweets, so he invited you out to this dessert kinda place. the two of you are sitting by a window, on a booth sitting on opposite sides.
looking at the menu, you both have your eyes on this strawberry shortcake, it looks so good!
"i wanna get the strawberry shortcake! it looks so yummy!" you say changing your attention from the menu to your boyfriend, waiting for his answer
"i was thinking the same thing!" he says looking at you lovingly, reaching out his hands to hold yours in his
"welll how about we share? to uhh save money of course.." you say letting him play with your hands as if they were his
"hey you know i never run out of money when it comes to spending it on u.. but sure! i love sharing with you anyway. it makes the vibes more romantic am i right or am i right" he says raising his one eyebrow up and down, flashing you a smile
laughing at the stupid joke your boyfriend made, he stands up and goes to order for you. one thing about riku is he loves to spoil you, wether that be with affection or spending his hard earned money on you, he just loves to see you happy.
staring at your boyfriend whos currently waiting for the cake to come out, he catches you looking at him. he just nods his head and smiles at you. hes such a loser, but thats what you love about him. hes not afraid to be himself.
he comes back to the booth with this pretty big slice of the cake. placing the plate on the table and the fork right beside it. seeing how pretty it is, you whip out your phone to take a picture of it, but riku grabs the plate and pretends to take a bite.
"yah yah y/n take a picture of me and this, itd be so cute because im in it" he says poking out his lips and holding a v pose. his natural cuteness awaking inside of him like the weirdo he is. theres no way you could ever be mad at him when hes this cute. snapping a picture of this moment.
"here, you try it first. tell me how it tastes" riku offers handing you the plate, picking up the fork. guiding the form through the cake, putting it in your mouth and savouring the taste. the sugar instantly hitting your mouth, making your eyes smile. looking up at your boyfriend whos just staring at you, hands holding his face up, tilting his head after your eyes meeting each other.
"how is it?" his voice is soft. "its so good!" you say, grabbing a strawberry that was decorates on top of the cake and dipping it on the whipped cream, popping the whole strawberry in your mouth.
"wow you must like it that much huh? youre a messy eater" riku softly chuckles at how cute you look right now. reaching his finger across to wipe the whipped cream from your lip, tasting it from off his finger.
"oh the whipped cream is nice!" riku says acting like he hadnt just licked the cream that was on your face. lightly slapping riku due to the embarassment, he knows youre not a huge fan of pda, but he is. he loves teasing you.
he's watching you enjoy the cake, you offer him the fork but he declines. "but we're supposed to be sharing.." you shyly say.
riku grabbing your hand and kissing it. "do you want me to eat it that bad?" you nod.
"then.." he says pondering his next few words "give me a kiss" he says puckering up and leaning towards you already. quickly leaning in to give him a quick peck and backing off right away, he smiles to himself knowjng he got you to do a little pda.
"feed it to me" he says opening his mouth waiting for you to do it. giving in to his request, you feed him a piece. "mmm its pretty good, i guess.." he says with a hint of disappiontment.
"your lips are sweeter tho, i miss them already." riku says pouting to himself, looking up at you to see if you heard what he had said. youre staring out the window enjoying the milkshake, blush creeping on your face. you defintly heard what he said
riku knows how to make you flustered, at times he doesnt even need to try. your face is red, almost resembling the colour of a strawberry
#kpop#nct#nct wish x reader#nct fluff#nct imagines#nct wish fluff#riku#nct riku#maeda riku#riku x reader#maeda riku x reader#nct x reader#nct wish fanfic#nct wish#nct wish riku#nct wish imagines
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I'm going on a little shopping trip. For my mental health
#i already went to target#but the plan was#to get a pair of pants for work and a bag of espresso . with my moms card#but then they didn't have the pants I was planning on#but they did have a different more expensive kind#so i told my mom i would pay the difference#but then i also found a tank top and socks that ive been needing#(by needing i mean wanting really bad but surviving without but it'll be nice to have them)#so i paid for those too#and now im already out and spending money#and i need (really really want) some toos#tops*#and i have a goodwill coupon#soooooo#yeah#its for my mental health
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spent 3 hours last night panic searching for doctors to help me with my fibromyalgia. They are all either scams, extremely expensive boutique options (but are actually good apparently, if you have the money), extremely expensive scams, or have never heard of fibromyalgia and kick you out after 15 minutes.
#wrenfea.exe#apparently theres a thing called direct cost now#where the doctors spend like 2 hours with you and do all this testing and only take on a limited amount of patients#but they dont take insurance and are expensive#so you still need insurance for like. hospital stuff#but also have to pay out of pocket hundreds of dollars#if i had the money id do it since i already spend a ton of money on doctors that dont give a fuck about me#so might as well spend them on doctors that do#all the holistic care around me is scams for rich old ladies#my fibromyalgia symptoms are really holding me back#im so tired and achy and foggy and im so frustrated#i want to do things#i want to do my job well#but all the searching was fruitless#ive already seen a rheumatologist and she sucked#and none near me work with fibro patients#no neurologists do either#chronic disability#chronic pain#spoonie#fibromyalgia#disability
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LOVE when the pharmacy decides to fucking dick around with my meds so badly that now I’m off my mood stabilizer, my pain meds, and my fucking birth control (in a few days) because they’re insisting I should have extra fucking bottles of each one and I DONT because they don’t let me pick up more than a one month supply of narcotics at a fucking time so do explain where these extra bottles are, hmm ????? and they didn’t have enough caplyta ordered last time to even give me my usual 3 months supply of that so … ???? get your fucking heads out of your asses and give me the fucking meds you owe me ??? like ??? but I’m in a nasty headspace right now so if I call the pharmacy this morning, I’m going to be that cunt ass customer they bitch about all day because this isn’t the first time they’ve done this. in fact, the first time, they straight up committed insurance fraud by marking one of my scripts as filled and picked up WHEN, IN REALITY, THEY FUCKING LOST THE SCRIPT AND HAD NO RECORD OF IT BEING FILLED OR PICKED UP IN THEIR SYSTEM, BUT YET, MARKED IT AS SUCH AND CHARGED MY INSURANCE AN ALMOST 8 GRAND FOR THE FUCKING 3 MONTHS OF MY MOOD STABILIZER THAT I. NEVER. RECEIVED. I’m genuinely about to report this entire pharmacy to the pharmacy board because I’m so fucking done with this place. it needs to be shut the fuck down because you’re telling me, out of an entire pharmacy, y’all share the same IQ point AND dead brain cell, collectively ??? then don’t fucking work in healthcare where people rely on you to know your shit and keep track of their fucking meds because you’re just constantly making shit worse on people since you can’t seem to not fuck around with these meds and not ‘lose’ scripts. fuck out of here.
and I’m pretty much out of weed, which is usually my back up pain management method, without the money to afford a delivery order by their cut off time to order in 3 hours because I just paid my fucking bills and have SOME to go towards it, but not enough for delivery to be free, and I’d still have to walk my ass to one of the ATM’s nearby because they don’t accept my bank as a prepaid method OR any of the cards I have on my person. 🫠
I can literally feel my back spasming and seizing on and off while I’m laying on my fucking side, I’ve had a migraine with a stupid ass aura for almost a week now because chronic migraines fucking suck and i was REALLY hoping this one would be over by now, my muscle inflammations that my pain meds are supposed to limit are already beginning to start their itching deep in my muscles so soon they’ll blossom into a whole fibromyalgia fucking episode and become entirely inflamed, my joints in my hands fucking hurt because of the dreary weather so I really need to get into a rheumatologist at some point soon as well and get that shit figured out, I’m nauseas as fuck from all the pain, and I’m moody, hormonal, and just feel like fucking death physically.
I’m just. I give up.
this shit is exhausting and painful and so mentally fucking taxing to constantly deal with and I just want a fucking break from all this fucking shit. I wish I could just … not exist … for even just a little while with how fucking painful existing actually feels right now 🫠😭
#i hate that CT weed is so fucking expensive#half a fucking ounce shouldn’t cost me $250 …….. not when I can go to MA and get an ounce for $108 after tax ……..#but I don’t have a way to MA because my fucking best friend. who made plans with me OVER THE WEEKEND. HER. SHE INITIATED THEM.#canceled on me last second even though I texted her early the night before when I know she would see it 🫠#nope instead she waited from the text I sent at 6:30pm until noon the next day to cancel because her period is kicking her ass#NOT FOR FUCKING NOTHING BUT SO THE HELL IS MINE ???? AND IM ANEMIC ??? AND DEALING WITH ALL THIS EXTRA PAIN ON TOP OF IT ????#and I know I’m being irrational and insensitive because pain tolerance is a sliding scale for everyone#but like fucking come on you do this 3 out of 4 times YOU make the plans to hang out and I’m fucking over it.#plus I’m the one that always pays for everything and does she ever even OFFER to hit me back for the COUNTLESS ounces of weed I’ve got her#all because she couldn’t afford it so I said I’d cover it and she never paid me back. I’ve bought her at least a grand’s worth of weed#just over the last couple months and she’s never ONCE offered to pay me back for a single one#like ……… I don’t expect it. I give if I have it. but you can’t even just offer ??? like the invitation to pay me back would be enough to no#leave m ragingly pissed off and feeling used as an atm again for yet another ‘friend’ because they don’t even OFFER to be considerate#of course I’d say not to worry about it but it doesn’t even cross your fucking head to ask if I want anything towards it#like the next time you get paid ??? when you go and spend your own money on weed that day but can’t reimburse me for anything IVE paid for#oh and I always have to give her gas money if I even simply just want to hang out because she’s always fucking broke somehow#and she works in healthcare like bitch I know what you make and you can’t play that you don’t have enough to get by or throw me 50 bucks#towards YOUR weed that I’m buying every once in a fucking while when I’m already paying for everything fucking else#I’m so angry and I know I’m being irrational and bitchy but this is what happens when you’re tripped off your meds cold turkey#and one of them is a mood stabilizer that makes it so you DONT feel this way about people and aren’t so bitter when you’re let down 🫠🫠🫠#because now my rejection sensitive dysphoria is going to be triggered even easier than usual and I’m just.#I actually fucking give up. I don’t even know what to do here. the pain going through my body is so fucking intense#I keep losing my train of thought because everything hurts and then every once in a while a DIFFERENT pain acts up and throws itself in too#I just. I just can’t fucking win.#I hate fucking struggling with my mental state like this when I’m off my meds.#and because I have to be a month without my stabilizer/pain management/birth control it’s going to take me ANOTHER month to get readjusted#to those in my body so I won’t feel normal again until nearly fucking mid to end January the earliest#and that’s fucking bullshit. I’m going to fucking **** myself by the time I get back on these fucking meds since it’ll take that long#fucking hell I just. I give up. I give in. I’m self isolating and cutting myself off from everyone because it’ll be in THEIR best interest#for me to do so when I can’t control my mind like this. I’m so tired of feeling so fucking shitty and I’ve only been off them for two days
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unnerving to see people younger than me living their lives and doing adult stuff successfully. stop that you're supposed to eat ice cream for dinner and be unemployed
#stop making me look bad by having a husband and a baby rn you're 22 fr 😭#tho i do have two friends who got married at 18 and 21 and actually i look good compared to them bc everyone they know was like stoppppp#they dated for ike 4 months before getting engaged lmao#but some people who got married young are actually doing okay and normal and that makes me look bad lol#not necessarily always abt marriage tho#people younger than me with an actual career or grown up job make me feel this way also#anyway#every day im living a life indistinguishable from when i was a teenager and many people my age are already parents with mortgages and such#😐😐😐#anyway i spent my grown up job money on some flowers and now i have no job bc i let my mean supervisor bully me into quitting#i also spent grown up job money on an oven (successfully) and a car (unsuccessfully)#i am rlly just out here.... telletubby with a credit card fr#job just give you money and you can spend it on whatever you want (but watch out)#anyway car was a piece of garbage that couldn't pass inspection 😔#was so proud of myself paying cash for my first car but there's a reason it was that cheap lmao
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How many crafting hobbies ya got so far?
it's honestly easier to list the things I don't do (yet), which are uhhhhh metalworking or yarnmaking. what else. I have never made a shoe. Pre-COVID I used to volunteer at an art center thingy that let me take 4 free classes a year... I miss her.
I tend to cycle through which craft I'm doing the most depending on my current project, but my most active arts & crafts hobbies rn are:
Cosplay (big umbrella hobby! clay sculpting, foam stuff, painting, propmaking, sewing, wig stuff, photography/photo editing etc)
Sewing (normal clothing, mending/alterations, and also silly little guys/plush)
Bookbinding (and also typesetting)
Leatherworking (newest hobby! shoutout to the nice worker at the craft store who gave me a ton of scraps for FREE)
Doodling/drawing/painting
I have a ton of other hobbies I've done in the past but don't do rn due to lacking equipment/supplies/studio access (pottery and woodworking are the biggest, I've also dabbled in flameworking, flat glassworking, screenprinting, printmaking all of which require studio space I just don't have access to rn).
Then of course there is the purgatory graveyard of hobbies that I have lost interest in but sort of keep all the supplies around for bc maybe inspiration will strike someday or I can repurpose the supplies for something else (crochet, knitting, cross stitch, embroidery, felting, whittling, shrinky dink earrings), and also all the other random crafty things I've done once or twice but unsure if I can qualify it as an actual hobby (like papercraft and model making). Probably forgetting stuff but yeah
I am not necessarily good at all of these hobbies but doing art is sort of the same as being alive for me so that's kind of not the point. My biggest wishlist crafting hobby is shoemaking, because all the startup/materials and class costs for that are just really high. I REALLY want to make my own boots someday..... I think that would be a really fun and also hot thing for me to do.
#ask#anon#the cool thing ab crafts is like. the materials and tools and skills often carry over between projects#like i had a bunch of stuff for leather already bc i use a boxcutter and ruler and hole punch and cutting mat etc in other stuff#i just needed 1) hardware and 2) leather#both of which CAN be expensive but don't have to be see: leather scraps#i do think i have a bit of a 'buying art supplies is fun and exciting' problem but im always like#i could be spending money on other things and instead i buy art supplies. like i dont drink coffee or pay for a music streaming subscriptio#and i haven't gotten doordash in 6 weeks KNOCK ON WOOD#so. could be worse u know. we all have our vices. the ways we stay alive etc etc.#but anyway im kinda obsessed w making bootstraps now. bc they are a fun thing that can be made out of#scrap quantities of leather#unfortunately the uhhhh stylings mean i will not be able to hand these out as family holiday gifts#but maybe my fun queer friends will want to adopt a pair#kinda wish i could monetize this stuff without my brain locking up and all my artistic energy leaving my body just so i could#better offset cost and justify buying better quality materials#but alas. or yippee depending on your perspective#craft blogging
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kinda frustrating how we've spent the last few months acknowledging how a lot of well intentioned but guilt trippy social justice posts are like specifically designed to worm into ocd ppls brains and then now every single post abt palestine is "i dont care how bad your mental health is, i dont care how bad looking at all this makes you feel, if you don't read every single post you see on this topic in full you are a horrible person and directly contributing to their deaths. 'waaaah my mental health' well at least youre not being bombed, did you think about that??" and its like. i absolutely get where youre coming from but you dont get to complain that guilt tripping is bad then turn around and use it anyways because you think the cause youre using it for is worthwhile. like. everyone thinks the cause theyre using it for is worthwhile, thats why theyre using it. but its still a shit way to do it
#like when you make a tumblr post to your tumblr blog youre not guilt tripping people who disagree with you#youre guilt tripping your followers who if theyre still following you probably already agree with what youre saying#and esp on a topic with so much brutality involved like. yeah OBVIOUSLY theres people who have to look away#like. yall know a bunch of these posts and articles and videos show graphic injuries in them right?#like i physically cant watch news videos abt this bc i will spend days with my brain making me imagine#peoples deaths in graphic detail specifically because it knows that will upset me. and i would prefer not to do that#in fact me doing that helps palestinians exactly as much as finishing my brussel sprouts helps starving kids#by which i mean none. its just a cheap guilt trip to get you to do something you don't want to#which when it's brussel sprouts thats whatever but when its 'deliberately expose yourself to extremely triggering#things otherwise youre a bad person'. not so much#idk i feel like maybe its due to ppl feeling. agitated abt not being able to do anything abt it#like the government isnt listening and we're a world away so physically /all/ we can do really is sit and watch#so i can understand a) wanting to find someone to lash out at to alleviate that feeling#like if you cant stop the actual problem at the very least you can shout down the people supporting it right?#and b) seeing 'not watching' or even just 'not watching as closely as i am' as a transgression#bc well its all we can do so if youre not even doing that you must be bad#and its like. i really do get it. but the whole world is watching right now‚ like this is THE big news thing happening rn#so a few people choosing to avoid to subject will not make a single iota of difference#idk. i guess what im saying is if youre feeling the urge to yell at someone for not looking close enough#just donate some money to a support fund instead itll do a lot more
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...
#talked to my credit union about pre-approval for an auto loan. im gonna frow up#tldr; i just started a new job after completely depleting my savings over the last couple months#and my fucking car has decided that NOW is the time it wants to begin its death throws after 17 years & 190k miles#so rather than wait for the engine to explode on the highway or something i'm spending money i don't have#(many thousands of dollars that i will need to borrow. specifically. 🤢)#to shell out for a newer & hopefully more reliable car before winter hits. and then i'm just gonna pray my new income can cover it!!!!!#on one hand i'm excited cuz it'll be the first car i've ever owned that wasn't a shitty hand-me-down with over 150k on it already#and i am absolutely drooooooling over the one i'm gonna test drive tomorrow#but on the other hand. it feels very precarious to take on this amount of debt right now and i'm FREAKING THE FUCK OUT.#i was worrying this morning tha ri was rushing into things and maybe it would be better to try to hold off for a couple months#but then i had to use my own car for work today instead of a fleet vehicle and the engine started displaying Silly Behaviors*#(*RPMs doing whatever they feel like randomly & a noticeable Clunk whenever i'd shift gears)#and since this thing has already cost like 1k in two emergency mechanic trips in the last two months#i feel justified in my decision to just take the L and hope nobody will look at it too closely when assessing its trade-in value 😔#ctxt#money talk cw
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I've got too many games I want to play and not enough free time 😭 I still need to finish my BG3 playthrough but since Endless Ocean: Luminous came out I've been playing a lot of that instead. Also just got back into Wizard101 last night. Started playing House Flipper again last weekend. Still need to finish BOTW so I can start a TOTK playthrough and finish Pokemon Shield so I can start on Pokemon Violet. I've been fighting off the urge to start up a new Skyrim playthrough for weeks. My brother just told me that Paper Mario: The Thousand Year Door is getting ported to the Switch. And now I'm suddenly feeling inspired to replay DAI... And throughout all of this I'm also playing the hell out of DragonVale on my phone. Someone just pay me to play video games all day please
#and before anyone suggests it: no i cant try to get into streaming#the way i play video games is extremely frustrating for other people to watch ahdjsksl#no one is going to give me money for producing a video where i spend two hours checking every barrel in the map while juggling my inventory#and then immediately give up on a puzzle and just sit in silence for 30 minutes while i look up a walkthrough instead#i need a situation that pays me $200 a day just to be autistic at the screen alone in the comfort of my own home#rambling#a few years ago i made it a mission to play all of the dragon age games and dlcs in order and i did not complete it#i got all the way to inquisition before i quit#i had already played it on ps3 but i wanted to replay on my new gaming laptop and unfortunately my computer decided it was too complicated#and also i just wanted to play as an elf again and i was resisting that urge bc i played as an elf the first time and wanted something new#so i didnt connect to my character as much#BUT ive learned a lot about optimizing my games from getting bg3 to run on my computer#so i think i could get it to handle dai now. especially if i upgrade to ssd like ive been wanting#and i just saw a dai post on my dash that made me daydream about possible characters and i was struck with inspiration#when i first played through on ps3 i didnt know anything about da lore. it was my first dragon age game#i was just doing whatever i thought seemed coolest#so i basically modeled my inquisitor after my dnd oc and then just picked a vallaslin i thought was pretty#and then when it came time to pick a specialization i was just like 'i mean my hand has rift magic right? seems obvious enough'#but now i know the LORE. and the dalish really interest me. and i want to make an inquisitor thats their own character#i didnt want to replay another elf mage bc i thought it would be too similar#but at the same time i wanted to re-experience dai (and experience trespasser for the first time) now that i knew more about the dalish#(with mods that fix the annoying bits where your character seems to not know about their own religion of course lol...)#i was thinking about that and i just got hit with some inspiration#instead of 'my dnd character but with a cool tattoo and rift magic and they kinda roll with the inquisitor stuff bc idk whats going on'#what if i made a more intentional character with a much different personality and their own backstory#theyre still the first of their clan but i know what that means now so theyre not really into the herald of andraste stuff#theyre a devotee of falon'din with his vallaslin and fittingly choose necromancy specialization (tho theyre annoyed by all the maker talk)#they can look cool and goth and maybe they even make some different choices about the well of sorrows 👀#i could keep rambling but im running out of tags gah#anyways ive got lots of ideas now and i think the playthrough would be unique enough to be worth it
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ohoho boy tomorrow is gonna be so bad but yanno what I’m gonna be a brave little guy and I’m gonna treat myself to back to back bath days so it’s all gonna be good in the end. Today was so bad today was fucking dreadful but there will be a way !!!!! I have to remember the small joys I have to stay strong
#I hate driving lessons. I’m sick of pretending that I don’t dread them every week. The guy who teaches me can tell and it pisses him off but#I HAVE to learn to drive I just have to and I WANT to be able to drive I just don’t wanna have to do it.#Plus idk what I’m gonna do bc it snowed today and if it’s still snowy out where I drive it’s gonna be cold asf and I’m gonna hate it !!!!#It’ll be fucking SCARY I’m already scared driving normally#And then I have psychology which isn’t even bad but I had a really bad consolidation task and ever since I haven’t been able to delete that#Connotation between the two in my brain.#I’m gonna create plans tho im gonna decide what im wearing for the next three days and a couple fun things that are going into my schedule#So I can look forward without worrying about offsetting the routine which is what ruined today (fuck snow)#I’m gonna try and read more and spend less money!!!!#Now I’m happy because I’ve got a bit of chill time tonight and then Friday’s horrors will fly pass effortlessly I’m sure and then before I#Know it it’ll be Saturday and the worries will be gone especially as now I know work bestie hasn’t like. Died (work bestie was like really#bad sick last week)
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fellas im gonna be honest idk how many more 11 hour days i have left in me
#i speak#ugh little vent ahead in the tags#the problem is i need money. which means i need a job all year. but that job is teaching piano and i cant just stop when i get my summer jo#and i actually spend more time at work than i do studying during class terms. so its longer more exhausting days in the summer#like i can plan my study schedule around busy teaching days and evenly distribute the workload. mostly. but work is the same every day#and the thing is currently - not including the commute to my students houses- im really only teaching 4 hours a week. with commute its 6 ma#so i could take more on. and if i want to start saving up for when i move out i kinda do need to do that#but the best option then would be to start teaching on saturdays. spread out the work. and NOT do 9-8 every day of the week#but scheduling things with friends is already hard enough when i have free weekends. and i need the break#but also now im paying my mom rent because shes unemployed and financially irresponsible so i REALLY need the extra money.... ugh#just two more years of this then 5-7 years of low grad school wages and two years of residency then i never need to worry about money#or working more than 8 hour days#ever again!!!!
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ive been watching sooo many vids of people doing doll restorations and doll customizations... making me both fight off the desperate urge to attempt New Hobby just because it Looks Fun and also resisting the urge to repurchase the fave barbie i had as a kid on ebay,,,,
#i dont have a job rn i dont need to be spending money on this kind of nostalgia for the latter lol#my fave was a SPECIFIC doll#well actually i had 2 faves but i think the other was like a generic one#but i specifically remember i had the 2001 nutcracker barbie + ken#who i guess were named clara and eric lol#idr if i had the kellys.... i did have a few kellys i just dunno if they were part of that set#i think i literally only had one ken doll. MAYBE two ? and one was the nutcracker guy#but his nutcracker head creeped me out so i never used it#i also think i fucked up his slicked back hair bc. well i was a child LOL#but i remember specifically those two bc of the creepy nutcracker head and bc clara had that special jointed body#since her whole thing was like the nutcracker ballet movie or w/e#and i loved the way her joints moved and clicked and her swooshy curly hair#but also when i was a kid i liked smearing makeup on my dolls LOL#so like. watching restoration and custom vids and seeing how people Actually pull that off in a more professional way#it awakens that inner childhood interest lol#and like i HAVE a lot of the supplies already for that. i have paints and pastels and a billion craft supplies ive accumulated over years#which makes it all the more tempting to buy a used doll off like ebay or a thrift store or something for funsies#that would be more affordable than trying to win a bid war for clara 😑 LOL#but i mean. if i do end up employed with a comfortable salary again someday#and if i have money to spare. perhaps i'd consider trying to get clara lol i know shes out there#but also im not willing to spend THAT much so i probs still wouldnt#tho maybe i can find one thats kinda fucked up and try to clean her idk . IDK IM JUST DAYDREAMING FOR NOW#ugh who wants to reminisce with me tho LOL#i can vaguely see the plastic bin of barbies i had as a kid in my mind...#there was this other barbie i had that i liked... idr anything special about her tho i just liked her hair#it was like a specific type of blonde that was like a warm blond and was soft i think. maybe a lil dirty blonde color idk#maybe i liked her face too idk i just know there was one that stood out to me#despite like nothing of significance about her LOL#she was another white blonde bitch in my collection
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Where else am I gonna rant if not to a group of random strangers that barely know me, right? So ofc I'm gonna rant here cuz these people have no idea who tf I am.
....turns out I have no words to explain how I'm feeling right now so I offer this emoji instead: 😔
#so i went to this 18th birthday aka debut of my friend and tbh its the first debut ive ever been to and i was rly looking forward to it#plan was to enjoy with my friends and all and i was also planning to get some ideas for my own debut whoch is two weeks after hers#tbh my debut is the bday that ive been looking forward to for basically my whole life cuz the other important ages i did absolutely nothing#for my first bday i was literally in the hospital so nothing there. in my seventh bday i cant even remember what happened. we went swimming?#so the 18th is what i always dreamt of. ive already told my moms this a couple hundred times and ive already thought out how i want it to go#then at the party i observed everything and i realized a lot of things. firstly that shit is expensive. while we used to have the money#no we dont and thats all just in the past now. second thing which i find the most disturbing is the amount of people#the debutante invites the special people in their life and while yes i do have those i dont think they can even reach the proper number#and also i rly cant see myself in that position yknow? being the center of atteaction with people telling you nice stuff abt how they like u#so thats made me quite sad that the bday ive always wanted is never gonna be mine. my biggest TOTGA...#at this point i just wanna spend my whole 18th wallowing in self pity and sadness. while i know my friends love me i dont rly think they#love me to the point of throwing me a lil party of our own like we did earlier this year to ine of our friends. im the spare friend i guess#and plus when i got home my paretns arent even talking to me or looking my way if not scolding me or getting mad at me#well IM SORRY i also didnt want to get stuck in the fckin road for A WHOLE HOUR while waiting for a ride home#and IM SORRY that im just wearing jeans to a debut. this is my frist fucking time going to a debut so how tf would i know???#plus a lot of people were just wearing casual so wtf 😒#all in all im sad and i want to go die
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im so mad
#how the fuck does someone thay never even goes out or spends money lose their wallet#i swear ive seen it in witbin the past few days too or atleast the week and i havent gone out with my wallet in like. idk but definitely#longer so i swear its in my room somewhere but ive ransacked ghe entire perimeter to no avail#im not even upset about the money or BRUH MY ID IS IN THERE TOO but it has to be in my room so im not loke worried#but im pissed off bc iw as only looking for it hc i have to go to the bank todau to get change and i couldve been done and back home already#but ive spent the last hour looking for my stupid fucming wallet#I CPULDV3 gone since the beinning too bc i have Another wallet thay Is on my desk right now qnd it has enough money#for me to go to the bank but liek#i still dk where the other 9ne is#Guoooodddaaamamnnmmnnmnn😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭#if i find it in some dumbass spot im gonna blow myself up
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cruel and fucked up how hair dye slowly gets lighter and lighter with every hair wash. i should have bright pink hair for the entire rest of my life actually
#its semi permanent </3 last time i had color in my hair it was permanent and it stayed forEVER. i miss it....#but its so much cheaper to just dye my hair myself than to have it done professionally with the high-grade dye#my pink hair is starting to fade and i've only had it in for half a week </////////////////3#nobody has suffered more than me in fact.#and im all OUT of pink dye now so if i want to touch it up i'll have to buy more first <//////3#i might just use the purple that i already have once the pink washes out. i do not want to spend money <3#winter speaks
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im going 2 have wasted all my money again arent i -_
#egg.txt#i cant go out & buy bigger things so i have to order them to my house.... bc i cant drive...#but literally EVERYWHERE. uses yodel & evri#but i paid extra for delivery for today cuz im gonna be in and tomorrow like i have non refundable tickets#but they havent delivered it today...#and every single other time this has happened theyve no joke thrown shit into my yard without any notification#ive had like several things ruined already and im kind of freaking it because i put in a big order with fragile stuff#and its like last time#this happened i had to spend a whole weekend bussing back and forth to take broken pieces back to the shops#like theyve chucked boxes that have said fragile all over them into my yard and obviously all my stuff smashed#theyve dumped my fucking parcels behind my bins and ive not found them for like a week and theyve been soaked#(those would be second hand items i could not return & were wrecked)#and theres no way to reschedule it eitherrrr ughhhhghgh#its like i feel like such an asshole. i know theyre the cheap option cuz they fucking run their drivers into the ground but#oh my god. i would genuinely pay MORE MONEY to go through a decent delivery service#cuz im gonna spend it anyway recouping all the costs! !#idc if it takes another week so long as it can be scheduled to when im in or a date so i can arrange#but theres no options like literally#AND no warning half the time on all the stores. ALL of the shops use it now its such a nightmare#and im mad too ive waited in the house all day for it#no warning it HAS been rescheduled and yep thats great [redacted] and so and so forth help me GOD
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