#and now i can get excited about the things i'm learning
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Hi! You were the first Hogwarts Legacy fan artist I came across and I wanted to say how much I love your works 🥰
I recently saw an ask about which program you use to create your pieces which got me wondering... 👀 do you have any tips to share with aspiring digital artists trying to learn how to properly add shading/lighting?? I'm happy with my pieces during the flat colour stage, but every time I attempt shading/lighting or other methods of adding texture/definition/perspective, it always looks "off" to me 🤔 so my WIP folder is huge rn.
Thank you in advance for any advice you're willing to share 🙏😊
Hiya there!! Thank you so much for this ask!! First of all, I gotta say how wonderful it is that you're excited about art and want to learn more about it. I just had a chat with a friend about this but I think art is such a fun, vast hobby, full of endless possibilities, and whenever people want to get into it and learn, it's just wahhhhh. Fills my heart with joy and makes me bounce :D Now, full disclaimer, I am not an art teacher so my say on the matter is not that of a professional. I struggle with these things myself as well but I'm really happy if any of my advice can help a fellow artist. Keep in mind that works for me might not work for you, and "good art" is highly subjective. But I understand that achieving that fine balance between knowing how to imitate life and then being able to recreate that imagine in your head on an empty canvas is something a lot of artists want. That's hard af though. But you can't have success without failure, that's why we have so many WIPS xD Lucky for us, our brains and hands are amazing at learning. Eventually those WIPS might become actual realised works. Crying, praying and manifesting for us both xDDD Now, if you're struggling with shading and lighting, I suggest doing value studies. Perhaps take black and white photos with a striking relationship between shadow and light, then try to replicate that without colour picking. Try to observe the whole picture, without paying too much attention to the details at first, Make your brush strokes large especially when sketching out the initial shapes. You can give yourself a time limit of say, 5-60 minutes, for each study, but I wouldn't go over a 1,5h hour limit. I recommend using fairly simple images, with less textures and where shapes are the main character so to speak. Then when you think you're ready, you can do the same thing but this time choose coloured images but still use only white/black. Excercises like these help me a ton when I feel like I wanna update my skills. Doing art is a never-ending learning curve but I feel like that's what makes it so stimulating hehe Below is an example of one value study I did recently. I don't do these often but I know I probably should xD I always just do colour studies nowdays cause that's something I'm most interested in observing at the moment :D But this is just an example of what you can do if you want to learn shading in particular. Now it doesn't need to be perfect, it's just practice that may help you get used to values and how they interact with each other on the canvas.
You can also do colour studies if that is something you're interested in. Those might be a bit more challenging but as long as you keep each study short and use simple images (like literally just an image of an egg on a table or something xD), it shouldn't be too intimidating. Sorry for such a long reply xD I hope you have lots of fun and get all the possible enjoyment from making art! So happy for you!!! Wishing you all the motivation, success and inspiration in the world!!!
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ʚ♡ɞ・"WHAT'S UP DANGER?" 0.5・ʚ♡ɞ

"Before we begin, I'd like to say something, well, maybe two things. Possibly three, or four, or maybe even five things-?" The hero says awkwardly while you put your mask on. "Listen carefully, I'm sure you're aware I have a powerful quirk, it's called 'Black Hole.' I can use it to suck up anything and turn it into dust." Thirteen explains, holding her hand up. "That's right! You've used Black Hole to save people from all kinds of disasters before, haven't you?" Izuku asks while Uraraka is eagerly nodding her head at everything that's said. "That's true, but my quirk could very easily be used to kill." Thirteen says grimly. "Some of you also have powers that can be dangerous. In our superhuman society, all quirks are certified and stringently regulated, so we often overlook how unsafe they can actually be. Please don't forget that if you lose focus, or make the wrong move, your powers can be deadly." Thirteen continues to explain with a short pause.
"Even if you're trying to do something virtuous, like rescue someone. Thanks to Aizawa's fitness tests, you have a solid idea of your quirk's potential, and because of All Might's combat training, you likely experienced how dangerous your powers can be.when used against other people. Carry those lessons over to this class.Today, you're going to learn how to use our quirks to save people's lives. You won't be using your powers to attack enemies or each other, only to help. After all, that's what being a hero's all about, saving others." She concludes with balling her fist up. While she was talking about that, you couldn't help but think of how your quirk could be dangerous. Sure, Bakugo's could easily be dangerous, he has explosions for heaven's sake, but you? You've got spider webs, sure you've got that adrenaline boost thing, but, what good is that?
You're freed from your thoughts as your classmates around you cheer with excitement. "Right, now that that's over,-" Aizawa begins before the lights around the facility begin to short circuit and buzz out, and the fountain stops. You squint your eyes to see below what was appearing, but to your surprise, it's a portal with a man stepping out. "Stay together and don't move! Thirteen, protect the students!" Aizawa yells. "Whoa, what is that thing?" Kirishima asks upon seeing people step out of the portal. "Has the training started already? I thought we were rescuing people?" Kirishima asks and takes a small step forward. "Stay back!" Aizawa snaps. "This is real, those are villains." He says while putting on his yellow goggles.
"What the fuck is that thing?" You ask nobody in particular as you see a giant monstrous thing step out of the portal. It's clearly strong with bulging muscles, but that's not what's scary about it. Its brain is exposed and instead of a normal mouth, it has a yellow beak with sharp teeth poking out. Its eyes are wide and the only human-like thing about them is a black pupil.
"The only real heroes I see here are Erasure Head and Thirteen. Perplexing, according to the schedule we retrieved from UA,, All Might was also supposed to be here." The giant purple smoke with yellow eyes said with a deep voice. "So you scumbags used the press as a cover and sneaked onto campus." Aizawa accused while getting into a fighting stance. You watch as Aizawa's hair and scarf flare up while the rest of you sit back and watch.
Fear strikes through you like a rattlesnake would its prey, except the villains are the rattlesnake and you're the prey. However, as soon as that fear freezes your veins, the ice is replaced with the familiar intense heat of adrenaline. This isn't the normal adrenaline you cherish so much, it's the kind of adrenaline that courses through your veins to keep you on your toes, but in all reality, you can't get enough. Your brain tingles as your body shakes with the urge to fight the villains in front of you and your class.
"What? Real villains? How could so many of them get into a UA facility this secure?" Kirishima asks from somewhere in front of you, and Yaomomo is quick to chip in. "Yeah, Thirteen, why aren't the alarms going off?" Thirteen looks around the facility before replying. "Good question. I'm not sure." Thirteen answers with fear evident in her voice. More of your classmates speculate about the situation, but a voice next to you distracts you.
"Bug, you alright? You're shaking like a goddamn chihuahua." Bakugo scoffs from your side. Your (e/c) eyes look at his crimson ones, and if you look close enough, you can see a small, teeny-tiny hint of fear. You had heard he was attacked by a sludge villain a while back, was he scared because the thought of villains brought him back to that danger?
"Yeah, I just haven't felt adrenaline this good in a while." You admit while shaking your hands out and grinning like a mad-man at the villains. You feel his gaze harden as he looks at you, but he scoffs and looks to the fight ahead. You're about to turn and say something to Katsuki, but Aizawa beats you to it.
"Thirteen, get them out of here and alert the main campus. Actually, if they've got the ability to block the censors, then they might be jamming our regular communication system as well. Kaminari, try using your quirk to contact the school." Aizawa instructs, Kaminari doing as told immediately. "What're you going to do? You can't fight them on your own! There's too many of them, even if you can nullify their quirks, your fighting style's not suited for this. Your power works best in stealth and one-on-one fights. That's not gonna help against a group." Deku tries to reason.
"You can't be a pro if you only have one trick." Aizawa says while readjusting his goggles. "I'll leave it to you, Thirteen." He says before jumping down the flight of stairs and in front of three people. In a matter of seconds, he ties them all up in his scarf and hits their heads together with enough force to knock them out. He goes on to knock out villain, after villain, after villain with such ease it's incredible.
You're sitting there watching the group of villains as you stand next to Izuku. You're just itching, twitching, basically freaking out that you can't go down there to fight. When adrenaline courses through your veins, it's never normal adrenaline. It's always boosted in a way, never fades away like normal, and always lasts longer than it would with any normal person. Not only that, but it's so, so incredibly more influential than a normal person's adrenaline. You don't hear the voices of your classmates around you, the only sounds coming into your brain like fuzzy radio signals.
Upon noticing Izuku begin to run, you force yourself to follow suit, the little voice that you like to think belongs to Adrenaline Rush screams at you to go down there, use your current adrenaline and then continue to fight using your special ability. Adrenaline always feels odd in your body, like fire and ice clashing in an internal battle as it tries to make you run away or stay and fight. You get close to the entrance, but get stopped by the same purple portal freak that brought all the villains here.
"There is no escape for you. It's a pleasure to meet you, we are the League of Villains, and I know it's impolite, but we decided to invite ourselves into this haven of justice to say 'hello'. And besides, isn't this a fitting place for All Might, the symbol of peace to take his last breath? I believe he was supposed to be here today, and yet I see no sign of him. There must've been some change in plans we could not have foreseen. Oh well, in the end, I suppose it doesn't matter, I still have a role to play." The purple cloud of smoke finishes as he begins to grow in size, but you see two of your friends begin to get into a fighting stance, clearly about to launch at the villain.
The loud commanding voice of your adrenaline screams and screams, yells and yells. 'Go fight with them, use the pent up adrenaline. Go fight with them, use the pent up adrenaline. Go fight with them-' it gets louder, and meaner every time until you can't take it anymore. Fuck it. Who's going to stop you besides yourself? You bite your lip and jump up at the villain just behind Bakugo and Kirishima, the two boys let out an intense yell, which you're biting back laughter at the feeling of finally being able to burn off your adrenaline. Bakugo lets off blast after blast, and you make the mental note to thank your friend in the support course to thank her for making your suit more blast and fire proof.
"Did you think we were just going to stand here and let you tear this place to shreds?" Kirishima challenges with a toothy grin. The grey smoke from Katsuki's explosions fades away, and the voice of the villain fills the air. The same loud voice of your adrenaline is yelling at you for more, more, more, more, more, but you don't get to do such a thing. "You live up to your school's reputation, but you should pay more attention, children, otherwise, someone might get hurt." The void says before Thirteen gets the chance to speak.
"You three, get out of the way, right now!" She says in a panic before the villain speaks once more. "I'll scatter you across this facility to meet my comrades, and your death!" The purple smoke laughs. "You guys, hold on tight!" You yell to Bakugo and Kirishima as you shoot as many strong strands of web you can spare to the ground and at the two boys next to you to hold on. "I don't need your damn webs, bug!" Katsuki yells over the raging wind, but hangs on tight despite his complaining. Around you, classmates are thrown up into the air, and around the facility, one by one, you're all separated. "Bakugo, (L/N)!" Kirishima yells as the webbing breaks apart, thread by thread until everyone of you are thrown from each other.
ʚ♡ɞ
"Fuuuuuckkk!!" You yell as you begin falling through the sky with Kirishima and Bakugo falling not far from you. "Okay, assess the situation. Where are you?" You think to yourself while looking around at the environments you're about to land in. You recognize the area as the collapsing zone Thirteen had pointed out upon your arrival. "Kirishima, Bakugo!" You yell as you send a line of web to the ground to help bring yourself closer without damage. "(L/N)!" Kirishima yells out as Bakugo carefully lands onto the ground.
You get to the ground and send out a bundle of webs to help soften Kirishima's fall, which does a great job. "Bug? You got thrown here with us?" Katsuki asks while you three circle up with backs facing each other, villains circling around you three. "No sweat, we'll squash these guys with ease!" Kirishima confidently while throwing up his arms, skin turned into jagged points. "Heh, no fucking problem, let's show them what happens when you mess with Class 1-A!" Katsuki cackles while his hands begin to fizzle and pop with explosions. "Hah! They're delusional if they think they've got a fighting chance at killin' us! Fucking losers. Make sure to keep up boys!"
You cackle with excitement while sending out webs to pick up two of the villains in front and hit their heads together, tossing their knocked out bodies to the side as the villains begin to charge with yells. Katsuki lets out a yell of his own as he begins to blast villains left and right, while Kirishima charges, punching villains without mercy. You know everyone around the facility is fighting for their lives, and reminding yourself of that only makes the adrenaline pushing through your body louder and meaner in your head.
Your vision begins to blur from the adrenaline rush of fighting real villains, blood begins to seep onto your abused tongue, the sweet taste of metal invades every inch of your mouth as you either knock out, or tie up each villain that's within your reach. Your heart feels like it's being both electrified and doused into a pool of acid within seconds after the other. You shake yourself from your intense adrenaline rush after feeling Kirishima's hand on your shoulder.
"Yo, man, are you okay? You were shaking, like, super badly." Kirishima asks as you turn to face him with a shuddering breath pushing past your lips. "Yeah, just.. Just fine." You say as tingles of what feels like static energy pulse through you. "If you say so.. Let's hurry and find the rest of our class. If us three are still in the USJ, then everyone else probably is, too. Not all of them have the offensive skills we do. We gotta make sure they're safe, especially since we screwed things up when we got in the way earlier. If Thirteen had been able to suck up that villain, then we never would've been separated like that. We have to help the others" Eijiro explains with a huff.
"If you wanna track down the others do that, but i'm going to destroy that warpy bastard." Bakugo snarls, getting a confused look from both you and Kirishima. "What in the world are you going on about? Our physical attacks didn't do a thing to that purple bastard." You say with confusion. "Would you shut up? I'm going to take him down because he's their way in and out! If I cut off their escape route, they'll be stuck here and have to pay for what they've done. We'll just have to figure a way out." Katsuki says, snapping in your face, canines peeking past his lips.
Suddenly, he reaches over and sends off an explosion at a villain that was invisible. You feel your eyes widen from astonishment at the fact he knew the villain was there. "Anyway, if all these villains are small fry like these guys were, then our classmates can handle 'em." Katsuki explains as he holds up a guy with a chameleon quirk. "Woah, that reaction time was insane, also, since when do you act so calm and rational?" Ejiro asks. "Bad question there, Kirishima." You mumble to him before Katsuki can reply.
"I'm always calm and rational, you red-haired loser!" Katsuki angrily barks. "Yeah, there you are!" Kirishima laughs before Katsuki scoffs. "Go find the others if you want to." He says while he begins to walk away before he's stopped by the redhead next to you. "Hey, I think what you're really saying is that you believe in our classmates, and that's thinkin' like a man, Bakugo." He says with a toothy grin and clashing his fists together.
You bite back a small laugh as he rolls his eyes and grumbles something incoherent to you. "What was that?" You tease as you hear the voice in your head begin to quiet down. "Nothing ya' damn bug." He grumbles.
ʚ♡ɞ
"Oh my... All Might!" You basically cry as you, Kirishima, and Bakugo step out of the zone you just cleared, but how are you supposed to feel now that you see what that Nomu freak is doing to him. Katsuki is already blasting off, letting out a yell. "There, the fight is just right there!" Adrenaline rush yells at you, and you feel so forced to use it now because, what the hell, it's either the bird fuck kills you, or you kill it. That's just how it'll go, no way around it. You feel tears spill over your eyes from the adrenaline pushing through your entire body.
It feels so good, so painfully good. Your vision blurs as your heart rate increases and breathing speeds up. Fuck. The adrenaline just feels too good to ignore. Your body shakes with overwhelming power as raw energy zaps rhythmically through your body. You open your eyes and shoot web after web towards All Might. You fail to notice the way you slowly begin to catch up with the blasting blonde boy, and Izuku running towards you guys just the same.
Because of the sweet static pulsing through you you're so much faster than normal and you almost want to laugh because how can something feel so good? As you get closer, and Midoriya's hand gets in range of the purple smoke freak, Katsuki lets off an explosion, "Get the hell outta my way, Deku!" He yells as you watch Bakugo pin the body of smoke to the floor, and ice rakes up the entire body of the Nomu. You help by webbing the metal piece that must be protecting the body of the warp villain and move on to web the arm of the Nomu to the ground. You turn to see the half-and-half haired boy, eyes glaring at the villains. "One of your poorly trained thugs told me you're here because you think you can kill All Might." Todoroki says bordly.
All Might pries himself free of the Nomu's grip, his hands now laid flat to the ground because of your webbing. "Are you okay?" Deku asks All Might with tears in his eyes while Kirishima jumps from the air and lands less than a foot away from the hand fetish villain. That desirable acidic burn you can only get from using your ability starts whispering things to you again. It begs and pleads for more, and you want to listen, you really do, but what else is there for you to attack?
Words are muffled from your friends as you feel your body shake and hands fly up to your mask. "Oh this feels so, oh so good!" You say with a small laugh to yourself. You're broken from your thoughts as the blue haired villain begins to talk. "Kurogiri, how could you let this brat get the best of you? You've gotten us into a real jam here." He complains, ah, so the purple warp has a name.
You hear slight muffles of voices around you, but you're so focused on the Nomu, it's hard to hear. That hand villain says one simple word, its name, and suddenly the bird monster is back to life. It moves itself out of the portal even at the cost of its right arm snapping through the web and breaking off because of Todoroki's ice. It snaps your strengthened webs as if they're nothing.
You want to vomit as it regenerates half of its body. The way you watch as each necessary thing falls into place, being created from nothing is sickening. You aren't able to decipher what the voices around you say. The little voice of adrenaline gets louder, telling you things you don't want to listen to, but hey, what's the point of it telling you things if you're just going to ignore them? While it speaks, a particular sentence sticks out from the rest. "Watch as they prepare to fight, they're not prepared for killing if it's necessary." Now that's one hell of a thought.
"First we need to free our method of escape, get him, Nomu." The head villain instructs, to which the Nomu heads straight for Bakugo."Katsuki!" You scream, sending webs around him as quickly as you can, you lower the density so they move through the air faster. In a matter of seconds, you wrap him in webbing and yank him towards you guys all while a flash moves to Bakugo at the same time.
"Woah, (Y/N), you managed to save him!" Deku says with shock, but you know for a fact that you didn't do that yourself. "No I didn't, All Might had to have helped in some way." You say from your spot on the ground as you undo the webs around Katsuki's body, his crimson eyes are widened slightly with his skin a tone paler. "These are kids, and you didn't hold back?" All Might asks with disgust in his voice, followed by a glare. "I didn't have a choice, he was threatening my companion, besides, these kids are no angels. The plain looking one? He tried to kill me with a maxed out punch. What kind of 'hero' does that? You think you can get away with being as violent as you want, as long as you say it's for the sake of others." The man hidden behind a hand says with his scratchy voice filling the air. "Well you know what, All Might, that pisses me off. Why do people get to decide that some violent acts are heroic and others are villainous? Casting judgement as to what's 'good' and what's 'evil'. You think you're the symbol of peace? Ha! You're just another government-sponsored instrument of violence, and violence always breeds more violence. I'll make sure the world understands that once you're dead."
As the villain rants about heroism, you feel a deeper part of your adrenaline say something that sounds so far away, you're not sure what it is, like a sudden gust of wind that leaves no signs of ever coming, but before you can make any guesses, it's gone again. "You're nothing but a lunatic. Criminals like you always try to make your actions sound noble, but admit it; you're only doing this because you like it, isn't that right?" All Might asks the scrawny man in front of you.
"We've got them out numbered." Todoroki says from beside you. "Right, and Kacchan figured out the mist guys' weakness." Izuku adds before Kirishima speaks up. "These dudes may act really tough, but we can take them down now with All Might's help. Let's do this." He says, flashing a few of his sharp teeth. "Yeah, let's kick some villain ass." You add with a challenging smirk, the eyes on your mask showing your expression perfectly.
"Don't fight. Get out of here." All might instructs, holding his arm out to show that you and your classmates won't be sitting here fighting the big fight. "You would've been in trouble if it weren't for me, remember? You need our help." Todoroki says coldly while holding out his hand, preparing to launch more ice if necessary. "I thank you for your assistance, but this is different. It's going to be alright, just sit back and watch a pro at work." All Might argues.
"But you're too hurt. You're bleeding, and you're almost out of-" Midoriya says, pointing out the obvious, but cutting himself off at the end. What did he mean? 'Out of time, out of energy'? You're pulled from our thoughts as you see the hand freak come running towards your group of five. "Heads up, guys, looks like we're fighting after all." Kirishima says, getting into a fighting stance and activating his quirk. You all do the same, but things change up in an instant when All Might begins to fight the Nomu with a renewed determination.
"Didn't you hear me, idiot, one of his powers is shock absorption!" The blue haired villain yells, but All Might simply ignores him and begins throwing punches faster than your human eye can follow. Wind pressure begins to build up from the fight, causing the villain that was just running at you to fly a bit away, leaving you and your classmates struggling to stay in place. You hold yourself down with a bit of webs as you feel the first sign of Adrenaline Rush leaving your system. "No! No! No! Not now! Now has got to be one of the worst possible timings!" You yell internally as your eyelids feel heavy after a simple blink.
"He's going to fight that brain guy head on!?" Deku asks out loud while struggling against the wind pressure. You notice a small stutter in Nomu's punches, small, but still a stutter. "A real hero will always find a way for justice to be served!" All Might yells as he throws Nomu into the ground; before speaking once more. "Now you may have heard these words before, but always go Plus Ultra!" He yells as he punches the monstrosity up into the air and out the glass dome of the USJ. "That was like a finishing move in a video game. He beat the shock absorption right out of him. I've never seen that kind of brute strength!" Kirishima says in astonishment, while you sit there staring at the hole in the glass. "Hell yeah, All Might beat the shit outta' that bird freak" You say with a chuckle before Bakugo speaks up. "Imagine having that kind of strength, he must've been punching that monster so fast, he couldn't regenerate" Bakugo says with his mouth slightly left open.
"You've been bested villains, surrender. We all want to get this over with quickly" All Might instructs as you watch smoke come off from his body. You watch as the scrawny villain begins to grumble and mumble to himself as he intensely scratches his neck. "What's wrong? Not attacking? Didn't you say you were gonna' clear this level earlier? Well, come and get me, if you dare." All Might threatens despite clearly being tired.
"Man this is... intense." Bakugo says from your side, causing you to turn and see his widened eyes. "As I expected, there's no reason for us to fight now, he'll handle this." Todoroki says as they begin to walk off, with you sticking behind to try and get Midoriya to follow. "C'mon Midoriya, (L/N), we should regroup with the other guys, last thing we want to do is be taken hostage or get in his way." Kirishima says with the other two boys.
"Deku?" You try to ask, nudging his shoulder a bit, but it's no use. Whatever he's thinking about, it's intense. By now, you're so close to passing out on the spot it isn't even funny, you're fighting a whole other battle to keep your eyes from closing and from keeping your body from collapsing.
"What, are you scared?" You hear All Might's voice boom before Kirogiri speaks. "Tomura Shigaraki! Please do not fret. Look at him, he has definitely weakened, Nomu's attacks were successful. He's on his own, the children appear to be frozen in fear, and look, our underlings are recovering. We likely still have a few minutes before their reinforcements arrive. If you and I work together, we can do this. We haven't missed our chance to kill All Might." The mist says, getting Shikiraki to calm down
"Shit, okay, not good. You're about to pass out and there's more fighting to do. Wonderful." You think to yourself while you shakily prepare yourself into a fighting stance. You're not sure how strong your webs will be now, but it'll have to do. "All Might can hold his own against those two main guys, let's make sure these dudes don't hurt anyone else." Kirishima says, preparing himself for battle.
You watch as Izuku disappears and reappears right next to All Might. "Woah, Midoriya!" Kirishima calls out after you all find him in the air. He yells something you can't understand before a hand reaches out of Kirogiri's must and aims right for Izuku's face. The hand is mere inches away from Deku before a gunshot goes off and shoots a hole straight through the pale hand More gunshots go off before you turn to see principal Nezu standing with more heroes than you care to count with Iida straight in front.
-
"Your class rep has returned! I've fulfilled my duty, and I've brought reinforcements!"
Chapter .06 teaser quote: "Fine, if he wants to be rivals, I'll be waiting."
Chapter .06 will be posted on March 8, 2025
Taglist: @mystic60@cupkiki
#fem reader#reader insert#fem!reader#x reader#fem!reader insert#x yn#mha#bnha#mha kirishima#mha x chubby reader#mha x reader#mha bakugou#boku no hero academia#my hero acedamia#my hero academia#bnha x reader#bnha bakugou#deku#mha deku#bnha deku#deku x reader#katsuki bakugo#midoriya izuku#izuku midoriya x reader#izuku midoriya#mha izuku#bnha izuku#izuku x reader#bakugo x reader#bakugou imagines
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*PUSHES THE DISCOURSE OUT* Okay! I just wanted to talk about this bit of the story because I hardly see anyone giving it attention.
Remember there was this whole segment in BY 5, where it talked about the Soul Jams? It fascinated me of how it talked about the two halves shouldn't be united, since everything would perish because of the union. One could assume that it meant to emphasize the point that the Beasts should not get the other half of the Soul Jam, bu after the latest BY episodes, with the whole thing about PV and SM soul merging (no matter how brief it was), it feels like there could be more to the poem now.
Maybe it's my shipping brain making me delusional, but I feel like the poem might become applicaple in some way for the rest of the Beasts and Ancients later on in the story. I would absolutely go wild to see GC and BS soul merge-
Don't worry, I'm equally as delusional lmaoooooo and also, you have a point. As the Beast-Yeast storyline goes on, I feel like they're diving deeper into the truth of the Beasts and Ancients' dynamic: they're not just generic enemies, they're literal soulmates. Two halves of a whole. They want and need each other, they ARE each other in some ways, for better or worse. They went full mask-off with PV and SM but imo you see it in the other pairs and their episodes as well.
With the commentary in ep 5 about how the Soul Jams shouldn't reunite, I really think it's the more baseline thing of "if they reunite, BS will be unstoppable and evil wins". Eps 7 and 8 reveal the truth of the matter for ALL the pairs imo, not just PV and SM, which is that they belong together, it is actual, literal destiny, they are nothing without each other and define each other's lives and the virtues/vices they uphold. What is Truth without Deceit? What is Abundance without Destruction? These things simply cannot be, unless they are together. (BS himself even acknowledges it in one of his leaked affection lines: "You see, a world of Abundance can only be built on the ruins of the past". He admits that Abundance needs Destruction. That Golden Cheese needs him. And he needs her.)
I've said this before but I can honestly talk about the BurningCheese dynamic for SOOOOO long. They drive me insane. There's so much to dissect and analyze about them, but no one will do it except for me 😭 Look:

They even have their own "in the end, you will become me" moment 😭 their relationship is just as deep as PV and SM's, you guys... Please, I can't be the only one who sees and knows this......
(also... Dude. I would have KILLED to see them merge souls like PV and SM did. CAN YOU IMAGINE. BS already demonstrated that he cares about HER, not the Soul Jam, not really (he had it in his hands and he DIDN'T DO ANYTHING WITH IT. He just went "meh whatever this was supposed to happen" and then started whining and fussing about wanting to see GC again). Can you fucking imagine if they followed through with the line shown above and had GC give in to destruction, like how PV gave in to deceit? If GC had her own "corrupted" skin, like Truthless Recluse? I dare you to tell me BS wouldn't have been excited as all hell if she submitted to him like that. He was horny af throughout their fight, he would've busted a nut on the spot if that happened 😂 the concept has been haunting me since ep 8, I would've died happy if there had been a BurningCheese soul merge, God I need to learn to draw properly so I can bring that shit to life myself-)
#i know PV was technically pulling a fast one on SM when he “corrupted” and agreed to merge but even so#sigh... BurningCheese my beloved... save me BurningCheese...#guys... swap au costumes for BS and GC... just like PV and SM... please... please I'm dying...#beast x ancient makes me so ill... so so ill#cookie run kingdom#burning spice cookie#golden cheese cookie#burningcheese#goldenspice#merchant asks
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Ichi the Witch ch.23 thoughts
[I'm Not Brutalized, But I Seem to Be Struck By You]
(Topics: character analysis - Gokuraku/Ichi/Kumugi, speculation - worldbuilding)
Confirmed! The new companion is, in fact, a man! And what a pretty man he is, too
I've always been a fan of those sorts of gauntlets and greaves, his hair has a lot of interesting things going on, the markings around his eyes are distinctive, and of course, as a freckle-haver myself, I'm quite impressed that Usazaki made those such a prominent part of his design
But before we dive into discussing our new best boy, though, I'd like to take a brief moment to talk about our previous one, Ichi, and his little uh...proposal for Kumugi
What'd He Mean By This?
It's immediately clear that Ichi doesn't actually have a firm grasp on the terms of the contract, as the literal first thing he does after learning that he's now indentured into Desscaras' servitude is draft his own copy of the contract and run to Kumugi, asking her to be his family too
What this tells us is that a) Ichi doesn't realize that he'd be endangering himself and Kumugi by doing this; b) he thinks that all it takes to forge a magical contract is a regular pen and paper; and c) his takeaway from that conversation with Desscaras was that they have, in fact, become family
Ichi is so excited by the prospect of having someone in his life who he knows won't leave him that he tries to apply it wherever he can, so naturally he goes to the only other friend he has, Kumugi. I won't suggest that this means that he feels anything romantic towards her, but he does value her and want her around. Even if he misunderstands the weight of what he asked, that misunderstanding in and of itself carries its own weight and implications, that he never wants Kumugi to leave him
Of course, from her perspective, he basically just waltzed in with a marriage license and said "let's get hitched." She doesn't have the context for what Ichi thinks that contract is for or even what it actually is in the first place. She saw paper and heard "family," and her imagination went wild. She does seem to appreciate that Ichi probably didn't know what he was saying, but that only leads to more confusion on her part: what did he think he was saying, and whatever it was, what prompted him to say it?
I wouldn't be at all surprised if Kumugi starts to develop feelings for Ichi over the course of the story, but I'm also not quite sure that I want that, at least not yet. This doesn't seem like a story that's built on romance, meaningful glances and women drinking from each other's glasses notwithstanding, so unless Nishi lays a lot of groundwork first, I just don't see Ichi settling down or anything
That said, if Family is meant to be a major recurring theme, perhaps tackling the topic of marriage would be helpful for developing that theme? Marriage is a contract, so perhaps a comparison could be drawn between marriage and the Mentor-Pupil Blood Contract? Like how much control one relinquishes or gains in a wedded relationship vs. how much is lost as a Pupil
We can probably explore that fine with the contract on its own, but it already doesn't seem quite as all-powerful as I expected
The Ol' Ball-and-Chain
As the gang arrives at Origumo's nest, Ichi prepares to mozy on in without hesitation, only to be pulled back by Desscaras who gives him a number of orders: "don't rush in, don't get cocky, don't eat stuff off the ground," all of which Ichi acquiesces to. This is presumably because he is under magical contract and can't defy any order from Desscaras, except there's one more that he doesn't seem bound to follow
After he says yes to the orders, Desscaras pulls a Makima and insists that the correct response isn't "yes," but "woof." However, Ichi emphatically and successfully refuses this order, even though she tries it two more times
This implies one of two things: 1) Desscaras' orders aren't absolute and there is some mitigating factor such as the reasonability of the request or relevance to the mentor-pupil relationship; or 2) that wasn't a serious order and the spell is powered by intent, so an "order' like that that's only meant for banter doesn't necessarily count
It's a minor detail and one that doesn't really need to be dwelled on, but it's a pretty immediate inconsistency that I think is worth at least considering in the event of future contradictions
I think the exact wording or specific circumstance is important to consider as well, as Ichi does manage to defy the order not to charge in unprepared after seeing Gokuraku's treatment of Oniguro. Does the context of already being in the nest negate the timing of the order? Does he have some reign to say "I'm not unprepared, so now I can charge in?" It seems strange that he's already able to resist the contract after such a big deal was made about it, so I'd really like an in-depth explanation on the mechanics
I don't expect we'll get it for a little while if we're not getting it now, but one that I think we will get an explanation for is Gokuraku's armor
Gauntlet Thrown, Gauntlet Picked Up
The clearest takeway from this chapter is that, whether or not there are men aside from Ichi in the world who can use magic, Gokuraku is not one of them
And yet, when he kisses his ring and declares "Synchro Rate 10%," he seems to be able to augment his strength at will. This gives the impression that the kiss is meant to activate the ability of his armor and that this strength comes from it rather than purely from himself
My question is how
That sounds pretty similar to the leg augmentation of Ichi's magic boots, but that requires that the user charge them with magical energy. Gokuraku can't be using magical energy on his armor because he doesn't have magic to use, but we don't have a clear alternate energy source in the story yet
Gokuraku is either here specifically to introduce that new energy or technology or to expand on the lore of how magical items work. Perhaps the armor already has magic imbued into it from another Witch and that's what Gokuraku is synchronizing with?
Or maybe he's actually incredibly strong naturally and he's adjusting his physical output to a smaller amount to account for the current situation? The kanji used is "tekigou" (適合), meaning "compatibility/adaptability/conformity," so I could go either way, but I think it's clear that Gokuraku's strength is being scaled to something, and I'd really like to know what
The idea of compatibility is particularly interesting here because that seems to be Gokuraku's goal: to find a Magik that he's compatible with, but there's something about him that's making it impossible
Swipe Left
Some of Gokuraku's dialogue ("what a silly little Magik you are" in English or speaking with heart emojis ♥) and his actions (kissing his ring, attacking with a playful forehead flick, etc.) gives a sort of whimsically flirtatious vibe. It's almost like he's looking for a partner or a soulmate and trying to convince the Magiks to love him
I don't know if that is his motivation, but I think with the theme of Family starting to develop, I'd say someone that's desperate to find love would be a perfect angle to analyze the theme from at this point
Even better for that analysis is the fact that, despite thinking that he's just doing his best, Gokuraku is actually disincentivizing the Magiks from wanting to be with him by being cruel to them. Gokuraku may be looking for love, but he's not actually trying to find it, he's trying to take it by force
Gokuraku is, for the time being, an abuser
He's a toxic man who refuses to listen to what anyone else says if it contradicts his opinions or desires. It can't possibly be that he's incapable of acquiring a Magik, it has to be that the Magiks are either lying or lazy. They either know exactly what they need to do and are being stingy, or they aren't willing to put in the same work as he is to figure out a way around it
He's deluded himself into thinking that "magic" can do anything, can break any rule that proves inconvenient to it, inconvenient to him. If there isn't currently a way for a man to acquire a Magik, then the Magik should be able to cast a spell on him that will allow him to
But magic simply doesn't work that way. A Magik only has one spell. Maybe they can use it in different and clever ways, but they aren't miracle workers. They can't change the rules of the world, no matter how much they want to
And that's unacceptable to Gokuraku. Maybe it's because accepting it would mean giving up on some kind of dream. Maybe it's because admitting he was wrong would make everything he did to all of those Magiks pointless, a colossal waste of time. It would make him the bad guy
And I think that's the problem. It's his unwillingness to accept other people's perspectives to overwrite his own, his refusal to be open to anyone outside of himself, that's keeping him from acquiring a Magik, at least on a symbolic level. I don't think having a change of heart will get him what he wants immediately, but I think the narrative is keeping him from his goal because he's allowed that goal to turn him into a monster. He is not fit for a relationship, to be family with anyone, so he doesn't get to be
It'll only be when he abandons his ego and his insistence on everything going his one, specific and unreasonable way that he'll find what he's actually looking for in a place he never looked. Once he ceases to be cruel to Magiks, he'll be able to open his heart to humans and find his family among them
But he has to change first
Necessary Evils
From this introduction, it seems like it will be difficult to make Gokuraku an ally. Not because he won't be willing, he's already endeared to Ichi, but because Ichi already doesn't like him
While Ichi does take pleasure in killing, he only kills because it's necessary for survival. It needs to be done anyway, so he might as well enjoy it. However, suffering isn't necessary for survival. There's no sense in hurting a rabbit, the goal is to kill and eat it; drawing out the process only makes it more likely that the rabbit will get away, and will waste precious energy that the rabbit is supposed to be refueling. A quick, painless death is the most beneficial for everyone involved
The World Hater doesn't seem to take pleasure in anything, they only kill because it's necessary for ridding the world of the things they hate. It needs to be done as a matter of course, so emotional investment isn't necessary. The death they bring hurts, and clearly a lot, but likely not for long. The goal is to kill them and be done with it; drawing out the process only gives humanity time to breed more to replace the ones that died. A quick death without concern for pain or pleasure is the most efficient for the World Hater
Gokuraku has no desire to kill Magiks, he wants to acquire their spells, he just needs to convince them to let him do so. They're unreasonable and won't give him what he's earned when he passes their trial, so he has to retaliate. It's not like they'll die, they won't even be so much as scarred! They'll walk away exactly the same as they were before, and they know it, so he's gotta get a bit extreme to really make his case. And hey, if he's gonna be there for a while, he might as well have fun with it! The goal is to make them give up the goods, and it's completely up to them how long that takes. He doesn't want to hurt them, they're making him hurt them; they're drawing out the process, and the longer it goes, the more painful he has to make it to convince them that giving him what he wants is the only way to make it stop
Gokuraku's approach shows a complete lack of respect for the Magiks or their lives. He thinks because they'll heal that he can do whatever he wants, completely ignorant of the psychological damage that they'll be left with, and how that will impact their immortal lives going forward. Worse, he revels in that ignorance, whistling while he humiliates and tortures them in creative ways
Ichi can't possibly accept that. His philosophy of Death for Death assumes the capacity to die, a dignified conclusion to a battle for survival. Nothing that Gokuraku is doing helps him to survive, and doesn't offer a way out for the victim to escape. The Magiks are not a threat to Gokuraku, and he doesn't live longer because of their suffering - Death for Death does not apply anywhere in this process
The gulf between Ichi's philosophy and Gokuraku's actions is so wide, it would be near impossible to reconcile their differences without forcing Gokuraku to grow. Somehow, Ichi needs to prove to him that what he's doing is causing real harm for absolutely no benefit, and he himself needs to be able to admit that he's wrong
I see this going one of two ways - either Gokuraku gives up hurting Magiks but is still clearly a deeply unhinged and sadistic individual in every other aspect of his life, OR he has to fight the urge to be sadistic and struggles with it for the remainder of his storyline. I'm not sure which would be more fun to see, but either way, I'm very compelled by his character already and I greatly look forward to seeing how he develops
Until next time, let's enjoy life!
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i'm thinking back on the year i had and the beginning of 2023 feels so far removed from where i am now.
at the beginning of the year i was halfway through a year long course taught by the worst human i've ever had the displeasure of meeting and genuinely on the brink of a mental breakdown daily.
and then? the school year ended. i got to visit 5 new countries this summer, i went to 4 concerts (2 with my dad and 2 with my best friend), i spent so much time with my favorite people, i got into good omens (legitimately life changing), i've fallen in love with learning again, i've been reading & writing.
like damn. things do get better.
#tbh the biggest 180 for me was getting excited about learning again#i started dreading going to my classes because of that godforsaken biology class and i'm so glad it's over#and now i can get excited about the things i'm learning#i genuinely adore my chem professor#calculus isn't actually that bad i'm just dramatic about it#like. idk it's nice to know that things get better and there is a brighter future#personal#rambling#not good omens
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I know that was a shitpost for the latest Danny Phantom fandom meme, but I'm genuinely impressed and how authentic it sounds. How much of Dash's monologue is real advice, and how do you know all of that? Do you work out?
Yes I'm so sorry to inform my good people of Tumblr that I've secretly been a part of the gym fandom for all this time. I've only recently come out as a gymbro in this phandom via my creation of the current dp gym bro au meme that I've forced upon everyone in this good holy christian space. I mix whey protein into my overnight oats, I track my macros, and I have a closet full of Gym Girlie Outfits™️.
And just know it's a badge of honor that I carry to be able to say I've converted multiple members of the Danny Phantom phandom into regular gym goers as well 💪
#all jokes aside i grew up in a very athletic family#where talking about things like gym routines and protein tracking was very normal#i worked as a tennis coach for a few years before i was injured (by my own hubris) and was forced to quit#i've been rebuilding my body basically from like the ground floor since the injury#and while at first it was frustrating cuz i had to learn how to do things i'd always been able to do before#(and yes i did cry on my yoga mat more than one time in the beginning)#now i'm learning to have fun with it!#im still very weak compared to where i once was#and it doesn't help that i was set back by other injuries that came from not taking care of myself like a bad knee#but slowlyyyy i'm getting there#i once thought i'd never be able to do an unassisted pull up again#and now i can see it within my reach!#very exciting#i love love loveeeee being strong#Also yes it's real advice to train the 'minor' muscles#for example a lot of lower back pain comes from a weak glute medius#ppl be focusing on the glute max cuz it's the big one and forget about the other glutes#compound exercises are a great way to hit multiple muscles at once
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Had the most awful ruined day because my flatmates who had been telling me that I'm not doing something (doing my portion of the weekly cleaning) that I very much DID do each week, decided today to fully reveal their awfulness and keep pestering me over it once more, telling me that I don't clean and asking me to tell them what exactly I cleaned like they're the owner of this flat and not just someone I'm sharing a living space with, and all the while I was being polite about it and not attacking them over all the things I could be bitching about if I were them, like how THEY don't clean after themselves and how they're loud at 4am and keep inviting friends several times a week. What I got in return was that they apparently thought I wasn't home so after I stopped texting them the same thing over and over they all met up and loudly made fun of me and congratulated each other over the "sick burns" they threw at me and implied that they think I'm stupid and somehow don't understand what I'm being told. All the while I was sitting in my room wanting to blow the entire place up because I needed to leave for a meeting I had later and couldn't leave that godforsaken flat.
#day 2137 of being reminded that yes some people really ARE just shitty and awful for no reason. life lesson learned i guess#could have been finishing the album i started listening to in the morning or listeing to the new sparks song#or getting excited over the ff show tomorrow.#but instead i spent the afternoon pissed off and having a pointless discussion with my shitty flatmates#such is life i guess. but seriously i'm just so fucking mad and disappointed like no matter what i do they just won't leave it alone#and i don't care if they don't like me i literally don't gaf. but because of this i feel uncomfortable in my OWN SPACE#that i'm paying for just like everyone else. and its been like this since october and looks like once again my 'paranoia' was real all alon#like yeah they do not like me or respect me at all good to know that they're genuinely awful people on top of that as well i guess#but it's still maddening how all this time i was like WHAT am i doing wrong what do i not understand#when will they stop having some unspecified issue with me. is there something wrong with me fundamentally what is going on#just like. the exact thing i always wondered about in terms of why cant i do the things everyone else can (and it was autism all along)#you see knowing what it is now doesnt really help that much. sometimes it's because people are just shitty#but othertimes.... i dont even know i'm just so dissapointed. mad and deeply disappointed#i just want to assume the best of people and thats how that goes.#the only good thing in all of this is that i'm probably going to move out of here at the end of march but i wish i could just move out now.
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So Much happening, lots of it good but So Much
#i'm on track to finish a draft of one of my essays tn#so tomorrow morning I need to proofread and submit and then get cracking on my second essay#got a linguistics society event tomorrow and then going to the theatre with my flatmate :D#then thursday is crunch time to finish essay 2 that needs to be submitted on friday#heading to a sleepover with my friend who goes to uni an hour away and on sat we're doing a day trip to a nearby city#then next week is also A Lot but that's too far in the future for now#i also saw a job advertised at my old workplace today which i applied for so really hope i get that#the job hunt has not gone well so far#it would just be embarrassing if i didn't get my old job#also learned some exciting things about my module choices next year and my year abroad in 3rd year :D#and let's not forget that hot enby language summer approaches!!#but yeah if I get a job lined up for summer I can basically stop stressing about a lot of things#but waiting for that to fall into place is AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA#i've put the most effort possible into applying so it's out of my hands now and all i can do is wait#this is just the same as waiting for results day last year lol#ellis exclaims
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2023 go bye bye
#999 spoilers#art summary#art summery 2023#my art#shoutout to all my monster high drawings that are still in the oven#I haven't posted them anywhere but! my friends made them pins and I've sold them on cons throughout the year :3#I only started drawing them as a request from a boothmate actually and they're such fun designs to draw!!!#I went to a lot of local conventions to participate in the artist's alley and made so many friends that way it was wonderful#I think the next thing I'll reblog will be the game I worked on!#found out the nda doesn't cover me simply saying 'hey I worked on this thing coming out in a few months!'#so I made artist and cosplayer friends selling my art on the beach and I got my first proper job#....then I proceeded to give me a shoulder inflammation because my setup was terrible and it had to catch up to me eventually#but! already managed to get a new tablet and desk for myself!! it's even a screen tablet so there'll be a learning curve but I'm excited#I'm hoping this display will make things easier I always had trouble sketching on digital#and I am more carefully taking breaks now also because turns out relying on hiperfocus is bad for you? never knew#I was going through some stuff in the middle of the year there though I had so many vent drawings of akane from may to october qwq#not featured here are the tons of utena and umineko wips I have accumulated those were my favorite new media I got to experience for sure#in fact I'm watching the adolescence movie rn!! what in tarnation is this last act lol whatever! go Anthy go!!! floor it queen#also not featured the tons of oc stuff I made :D I'm glad I feel like I can start properly working on them soon ^^#but yeah that's that I felt like writing a whole diary entry in these tags and you read it and that's what tumblrs all about ♡♥︎
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i gotta be honest i am stoked to be a janitor. i see mops and i get excited
#guys i have opinions on mops now#why does anyone use string mops. for instance.#they suck. they're heavy. use a flat mop for heaven's sake they're so much better and you can actually launder them???#i think janitor is the perfect job for me i fucking hate being looked at when i'm doing things#i loved working at the greenhouse where i could just do repetitive tasks all day and then go home and#shake the cuttings out of my boots & pockets and then go and immmmmmmmediatelly buy candy#it got mind numbing but it was NOT that bad. and with janitorial work the tasks are always getting switched up#you're mopping or you're vacuuming or you're wiping something up and there's always a different tool to learn how to use#i am NOT excited about the swing machine but apparently people don't use it much anymore anyways? so. yeah :3#gonna work for the school district. gonna make friends with all the teachers who stay late after school. fuck yeahhhhh#maybe they'll tell me about school drama shit and i'll be like *leans on mop* oh yeah? :3c tell me more#i'm a simple animal with simple animal dreams#i DO dream of labour actually i love doing things#and actually since this is being treated like an actual profession these days you get treated way better#there's workplace safety and focus on ergonomics and proper training#i'm just really excited to get out there and do stuff
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i really do love practicing 🎻
#i'm in music school so now it's a much more significant source of my already very significant fears#but practicing only feels stressful when i don't do it enough and i'm trying to 'catch up'#some weeks fly past me like hurricanes and i get to my lesson and i can't say i've made any progress and that fucks me up#and i don't think that's ever going away- like i'll always have weeks like that cuz everyone has bad days and bad weeks#from time to time#but when i plan correctly (which is becoming more and more the norm for me) my practicing is something im really proud of :)#i have a System. i didn't do very well before i had it and i would die without it now.#i get excited about learning! i get excited having realizations abt things to change or work on when i practice!#it feels experimenty a lot of the time and i like it!!!#i have a lot of catching up to do in terms of comparing myself to others but i'm not here for them i'm here for me#i will do my best and i will learn from others of course but my goals are to make my Me better first and worry abt other people later#i won't lose sight of that#<- and when it doesn't feel experimenty it can be calming to just be like okay ik what i need to do now just. Practice. Repeat.#i mean music is a fucking rollercoaster and sometimes you are at the bottom and i hate that but it comes w the territory#sometimes you're just Stuck but you do get past it and in those moments i just try to think back to previous times ive felt like that#ive felt horribly shitty before and gotten through it and come out the other side slightly better!#life is like that i think#anyways. hashtag iris loves music and being a musician 🙄 nothing new over here hehe
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latest news in the ben learns to drive saga is that we practiced in a stick shift today and it was evil and I hated it. BUT THEN we went back to the other car and I drove myself all the way home even along a busy street for a few blocks and then I parked in a parking spot and everything 😌
#my biggest struggles right now are knowing how big the car is#and thus being able to keep a safe distance from parked cars on the right side of the vehicle#and being able to go any speed above 15 without feeling like I'm gonna die#I'd say I've got turning down pretty good#and I'm fine w stopping at the right speed and going forward w/o weaving#I'm like.... Alright at parking#marginally decent at it#reversing uhm. I can do it but it still frightens me#well everything about driving frightens me but reversing is definitely up therec#like I'm actually like Fine at it I'm just not confident yet#but we will get there we will get there#everything about the stick shift is terrible and awful and I hate it tho#I was like this'll be fine I know how to go and stop and steer so I'll just have to learn another thing :^)#but I was wrong it felt like I had to relearn everything 😭#anyway gonna drive us to berry picking tomorrow except for the highway I'm excited >:)#no opera tho because it got sold out before I could buy tickets :(((#ghost posts#text
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I am going to tear my hair out
#so I accepted YSJ's conditional offer right?#and they sent me their unconditional offer and I've begun working on my CAS application#I haven't sent my deposit in yet#but I just learned in the CAS application that I need to provide evidence that I have the money for all of tuition + nine months rent#and I have to provide that NOW to be able to get my visa#but the problem is I don't have that money NOW#I will have it in august! because I will be working consistently until then!#but I don't have it right now!#and to make things more complicated#I'd been waiting to hear back from UVIC#and I told myself if I didn't hear back from them by april then I would accept YSJ#so I did#and now. while I was stressing about this CAS application.#I get an email from UVIC. I've been accepted into their program AND they're providing a huge chunk of funding#which is exciting! I want to be excited about it!#but I wish they had told me that EARLIER before I accepted YSJ's offer!#because now I'm all confused!!!#YSJ has the program of my dreams#but UVIC is much more affordable#and I don't even know if I can withdraw my acceptance at this point#I don't know what to do#has anyone following me done the CAS process? do you know if you really have to provide all that money immediately??
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#mol.txt#eds posting#so i got my cast which i was soooo excited about#but my ankles naturally do not rest flexed#and they put me in this cast flexed and like rly deeply flexed#so my whole leg is cramping and like. the surgery part of my ankle feels FINE everything else is on fire#like i know this is the protocol but like#i'm just hyperextending the other way and it hurts. so bad#i don't want to have to go get it redone but i'm also like. i am fully dying here#and i feel rly bad bc if i do go back i prob need someone to come with me#and a&s are both working now and im like. i'm so sorry but i'm fucking dying#like i'm sorry but my foot just doesn't bend like this fucking hellllll#i just wanna have fun birthday time w anna but NO my fuckass body i'm so upset#i also just want to sleep#like i know it's not going to be. comfy in a cast i know that#but this is like. i can't#and i can handle pain and discomfort okay! i can!#goddddd i just UGH#the cast tech like it's easier to learn to point again than flex again and i'm like cool but this isn't flexed for me this is hyper extended#anyway just gonna cry in bed for a bit while i try not to die#like things are going numb this isn't cool or fun#the doc was like for the cast we will try to flex as much as u can#and then the cast tech forced my foot into this position like No!!!#i feel like such a baby but
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Me while rereading: You should kill him
Also:
They marriages hehe ♥
#Come closer Morinaga I hold no ill will towards you lol#It's playful ribbing :) Mostly :) Lol ♪#So I may or may not have come into the ownership of the entire currently-released collection of KoiBo manga in Japanese lol#It's so nice to own ahhhh <3 <3 It's so strange to finally hold it!#Also can we talk about manga prices in Japanese vs English? I get the whole translation and publishers thing but like#581円 for one volume? That's like four dollars USD! We average $10 here! How'd that happen#I mean I still didn't pay even that much for them since they were secondhand hehe ♥#But reading them physically is such a weird experience now haha - I've spent years reading them only digitally!#Previously there was like this continuous flow from one volume into the next - no physical delineation! No hard stops!#So now re-learning where the story beats are and how that affects the timbre of storytelling - it's interesting :0#Seeing that it took three volumes - or two depending on how you count it lol - it took til the third volume anyhow#For them to start to get on the same page and actually communicate and then all the middle-amble (preamble in the middle lol)#It's interesting! It's not quite like reading it blind again - especially since I can't actually read the kanji yet lol#But it does change a bit of the feel :) I'm excited to start to be able to put events to volumes rather than chapters! :D#The little bits of English that dot around are always very charming of course haha ♪#Since they got married in the US they put English on their wedding card! That's so cute!#That is an actual picture I took while reading haha ♪#That's another thing - reading in person really lets me see the toning as intended and ahhhh it's so pretty <3#The details really pop! That aspect is like reading blind again hehe#Happy :D#Koisuru Boukun
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it's very stupid
#it's very stupid to realize one has- maybe- a trauma#like.. it doesn't effect-affect me in any way i can think of (lolz that just leaves the subconcuous mind dawg) ...#so it's not that bad? :) eh?#like how i got it wadn't stupid no-one in the situation was stupid but why did it stick?!?! that's stupid#why did i just realize (i have known for a long time. i think.) that that's the reason i couldn't be exited for anything -#without being scared.#like fuck is it still here??!?! i just made me my favourite soup! it has fish and everything! it's so good and i almost never get it#i love it and i can't wait to eat it but why then did i catch myself thinking ''prepare. you're gonna mess up the ingredients somehow it#won't be as good as you think it will''#I DON'T WANNA BE INDIFFERENT TO THE SOUP#I LOVE THE SOUP#why must i be so scared to be excited about stuff i actually care about#i remember once crafting a mailbox out of paper. it was really good i spent a long time to make it perfect#then i went to show it around. i saw my mother starting to praise it. it had to be destroyed#it's so stupid i was so angry at my mother for making me destroy the thing i had put so much effort into. .#but in the moment it felt like it had to be done. i could not keep around something that others knew i loved because they would know i would#be sad when it eventually went kaput. i had to prevent that from happening#so i tore it up myself. i remember tearing it up. i was so sad i did not want to tear it up. but the decition had been made (by my brain)#i was too scared#that's just one example. doesn't sound very good now that i write it out#nowdays it's more; i get a new hobby. maritime rules for example. i WANT to talk about it and all the interesting things i learned#i WANT to share. but i do not want them to know what topic/class/hobby/interest i'm talking about#because that would mean thwy know what i like. and i can NOT let them know i've really been enjoying playing the harmonica lately#if they knew... i don't even know#they would pity me when i lose that? they would feel sympathy? they would know my pain? the thing i don't yet have#so in total i can count about two fears#1) being excoted for something and planning it and getting ready only for it to not happen at all#2) the black lake#but like i said it's very stupid
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