#and now i can also make some lockpicks :)

[vvelegrin]

augh i need to get a new phone, and i need to give my doctor a form so i can get accommodations for the GRE, and i need to contact people for letters of recommendation, and i need to get my car smogged, and i need to make an appointment for a sleep study, and i need to get a livescan done like three months ago, and i need to fill out a thing for my master gardener project, and i need to scout out areas that are safe and legal to shoot some arrows and also maybe make a lesson with the local range to clean up my form, and i need to reach out to some local falconers so i can flush game for them and whatever and be best friends forever, and also get ear drops again for my recurring double ear infections lmao, and probably about 400 other things.

sigh. what if i... didn't.

[danielnelsen]

so ive beaten dao solo before (on easy) and ive never played it on nightmare, what if i.........................................hmm...

[swanimagines]

Please can I ask for some headcanons about dating Patrick Verona (10 Things I Hate About You)? Please? Thank you!

- When you started at your new school, you immediately grew to be intrigued by your classmate before even knowing his name.

- A classic bad boy, charming, handsome, breaking the rules...

- Just your type.

- Even when you knew such boys could be bad influence.

- Your new friends were worried about your crush, often those kinds of boys could be violent behind closed doors.

- And honestly, you were kind of afraid of such behavior too.

- But you couldn't help it, especially after he started to show interest towards you too.

- He began to be flirty, though also a bit cocky.

- But he got you flustered anyway.

- It was the first time a boy had showed any romantic interest towards you, so you weren't entirely sure if he was actually interested, if he was just messing with you or... if he was just after your body and not you.

- But as time went by, his actual crush on you began to be more and more genuine.

- Unless he was one hell of an actor, he seemed to be really into you.

- Your friends told you to be wary, but they admitted that he did really feel like he was being genuine.

- So, you began to meet him after school.

- You asked him that you'd take it slow, you wanted to get to know him properly without making it anything more.

- He agreed to that, understanding your doubts.

- It started with just casually hanging out. Getting some food together and eating at the park, just chatting about your lives, going to school parties together, going on walks together...

- But eventually, he asked you on a real date.

- He admitted he wasn't used to being a romantic who could sweep people off their feet, he only knew how to be a charmer towards new people. 

- And the basic dinner and a movie after was something he apologised for.

- You were more than happy about it though, being able to spend time with him.

- When you opened the door for him upon him fetching you from your home, he looked you over in your attire, seemingly stunned.

"You look amazing." - Patrick

- You chuckled, looking at your feet for a moment and biting your lip.

"Oh, stop it." - You

- You had the most amazing time that night, and when Patrick dropped you off, he asked for your permission to kiss you.

- You blinked at him, but then eagerly nodded.

- So he slowly leaned in, and then he carefully pressed his lips against yours.

- You had never kissed anyone before, so at first you weren't sure what to do, but quickly got the hang of it and rested your arms on his forearms as he placed his hands on your waist.

- When you parted, you both laughed quietly, and at that moment you both knew you were now a couple.

- The next morning, upon you arriving to school, you found the most beautiful bouquet of flowers from your locker, and realised Patrick had used his lockpicking skills to surprise you.

- He also began leaving love notes at the inside of your locker door.

- When you were together, he usually had his arm around your waist.

- He also wasn't shy with PDA.

- Kissing your cheek, neck, shoulders...

- At first you felt awkward by so many looking at you being lovey-dovey, but got used to it as time went by.

- And, you kind of enjoyed seeing that old grump Mrs. Highwood glaring at you in disapproval as Patrick's face was buried into your neck.

- Your friends also approved of Patrick in the end, and you often hung out together.

- Your relationship ended up being the couple goals for many in your school.

Requests are always open! FANDOM LIST | PROMPT LIST(S)

[the-ace-with-spades]

When Ice and Mav actually moved in together for the first time (after dodging it for about five years) when Mav had to take in Bradley, Ice found pretty soon that Bradley and Mav had no sense of safety --- would always forget to lock the door, either while leaving the house for the day or retiring for the night.

So he installed locks that would lock automatically as soon as the door shut.

Of course, Mav and Bradley didn't remember to lock the doors because they didn't remember to take the keys with them. One can imagine this becomes a problem.

After the twentieth time Bradley biked from school only to wait three hours for Mav, and then another two to wait for Ice because Mav also forgot his keys, Bradley decides to do something about it.

He's very much Mav's kid so instead of doing the normal thing and making key copies and putting them in some secret spots/his locker room, he decides he's just going to learn to pick locks.

It's the nineties so he basically just goes to a locksmith and asks if he can buy some tools off him and the guy is so fascinated by this scrawny thirteen-year-old who wants to learn to pick locks to break into his own house, he not only teachs him basics but also gives him lock picking mags and a book.

So Bradley learns on old locks and bike chains and then one day, he forgets the keys and breaks into their own house. It happens again and again.

Mav finds out when he picks Bradley up from the principal's office one day and arrives at the house to promptly realize he didn't take his keys in the morning. He asks Bradley if he has the keys, he doesn't, and Mav just gets fed up because there's no way they're waiting six hours until Ice comes back so he has to go back to base.

Bradley makes a deal with him. "If I get us inside, you won't ground me."

Obviously, Mav agrees. And Bradley picks the lock.

And like, Mav probably shouldn't indulge this, but it also means he doesn't have to worry about carrying keys again so, yeah, he buys Bradley a new lockpicking mini tool belt. And Bradley gets even better at it.

One day, Ice is supposed to be at home the whole day, brought a suitcase full of confidential documents with himself, the type that has both a lock and a code, and tells Bradley to tell Mav he's only going to be at the office fifteen minutes tops, he'll be home the whole day, please don't blow a gasket Mav. Bradley asks why, Ice explains he forgot the goddamn key for the suitcase and Bradley is like, "If I can open it, can you buy me that keyboard before my birthday?" and for funnsies, Ice agrees.

Before he finishes saying, "This is government property, kid, no way you'll be able to open it with some funny screwdriver," Bradley is reading the top secret mission plans out loud.

He gets that keyboard. Ice is the man of his word.

One time, Slider arrives on base in his new fancy BMW, showing it off and boasting so much he locks the key in by accident.

Ice is like, "Don't call the locksmith, I got it," and calls home and asks Bradley to check if he can open it and Bradley's answer is, "Only if Uncle Slider agrees to teach me to drive in it." Slider, obviously, agrees because there's no way --- he doesn't know what Ice is playing at but Baby Goose is not going to open his car.

Bradley opens the brand new BMW with about twenty Navy guys cheering him on in the parking lot.

Now, when Bradley is all alone at college, it's very tempting to use it for bad stuff --- to steal cars or rob shops, especially when money gets tough --- but the worst he does is breaking into the cafeteria and stealing sandwiches and bags of chips. He knows having a record would kick him out of NROTC, fast, so the lockpicking becomes a bit useless --- he does charge people from his dorms (which all have the same automatic lock on the doors) ten bucks to open them and avoid calling the RA.

Next time it has any significant impact on his life, Jake Seresin just forgot his key to his locker. He's got his flight suit but his boots and a space to leave his bag is behind the closed door.

Bradley only says, "You're not going to ask questions and you're going to owe me one."

He takes out a pin he always has attached to his car keys and within minutes, Seresin's locker is open.

He doesn't know it but Jake stares at him, not because he's wondering how much shit he's stolen (that too, a little bit) but also because apparently he finds lock picking really hot.

Now, Bradley goes about his life and soon enough finds out that Seresin's definition of 'owe you one' meant taking Bradley out on a date. Which, honestly, Bradley isn't that opposed to even if he puts on a face, Seresin is nice to look at and it's hard to find a guy to fuck when you're training six days a week in flight school.

They have a little routine of Jake calling with, "Hey, I locked myself out, can you get your ass here?" and Bradley lockpicking his door and then pinning him to said door as soon as they're inside. He's pretty sure he's seen Jake's keys in his back pocket a few times it happened.

This continues but Bradley keeps on staying longer and longer at Jake's place, more of his already small collection of things makes its way there, to the point that it's more like he's living there too and just breaking in every time, like back at the house in San Diego.

Obviously, he gets spooked, badly, when Jake finally says that when they move to Lemoore after they finish training, he's giving Bradley an actual key. The last time he shared a key with someone, he's been told he isn't enough and isn't ready and had all his dreams shattered --- like hell he's letting Jake chew out his heart, again.

So he requests change of target stations and doesn't say shit until the winging ceremony.

Next time he picks a lock, it's Nat's car in the NAS Oceans parking lot. He doesn't say she owes him one but she offers him a drink at the nearby bar as a thank you. He says no, just not to risk it again.

Nat sticks but nothing like with Jake happens.

Years go on and the second time around Bradley is at Top Gun, with Mav hovering over him like a goddamn shadow, with Nat's judgemental eyes and with Jake's big pretty mouth not knowing what he's saying, he gets a text.

I locked myself out. Can you get your ass here? with a base house location pinned in the next message.

Maybe he's naive but he goes.

"I really did lock myself out," Jake tells him straight away. "Don't think this means anything."

They haven't talked since he took out Bradley's dirty laundry in front of everyone in the debriefing room. Bradley opens his front door and is about to leave when Jake asks, "You wanna step inside?"

It doesn't solve anything. He doesn't know if Jake actually locked himself out or not.

When he and Mav are discharged, waiting to leave the base again, and Mav swears and mutters, "I forgot my goddamn keys," and Bradley knows Ice is currently in Hawaii, Bradley asks, "You got some paper clips on you?"

It doesn't solve anything but he breaks into Mav and Ice's house.

It doesn't solve anything but it's a start.

[a-spawn-on-my-lawn]

date with astarion hc 😆

thinking about spawn astarion trying to be romantic. this man has been forced to stay in a fucked up palace for 200 years; only leaving it at night to seduce people in the shabbiest taverns and brothels.

he's not so much into details, he never had to think about taking his love to a date, because there was no one he loved and vice versa.

this man has no idea about what a "romantic date" is supposed to be, even if we consider that "romantic" is probably subjective, but you get the gist.

so suppose Wyll is not around the corner so he can ask him for help, what is he gonna do? what would he come up with?

He'd probably make a checklist.

Romance, that has something to do with flowers, doesn't it??(ew, flowers, they are only good for poisions!). But he'd bite the bullet for you, so... he knows there is a woman at the graveyard who sells flowers, how handy is that? he gets you a spray of flowers (that is supposed to be for a funeral.)

Flowers ✅

Now he really needs a nice location. That location should probably be shadowy and also provide some privacy for sure, he can't have any prying eyes near him when he's having a date with you. Thank the gods, there's an old crypt nearby, of course it is locked but what is he a skilled lockpicker for? yes it's perfect. no one is going to disturb them or make any weird remarks about him drinking a chalice of blood for dinner. There will be enough space to have a picnic. Maybe even a table. And possibly there's some loot left to find on top. Wouldn't it be extra romantic to find you a nice necklace in a coffin? it definetly would.

Romantic location ✅

Next one: Food. Astarion suddenly asks himself what you like to eat most. He figures he never paid attention to that. He's not into insignificant details, so he has no idea. He needs to get you something to eat and to drink for a dinner date, that's for sure! Drink: No problem, wine, lots thereof. Food? Needs to be handy and easy to transport. Food is food. He's going to stuff anything into his bag he gets his hands on: raw potatoes, carrots, sausages, pieces of cheese, a melon, other fruit, bread...

Food for his date ✅

And of course some food for himself, a generous bottle of some yummy blood. Ofc he counts on you letting him have a nibble.

Food for him ✅

Is there anything left? Oh, of course. A romantic dinner requires one (1) candle.

A candle ✅

The most important asset is of course

Astarion ✅

He's ready. 🥰

Ok, he's also slighly nervous about you enjoying the evening. But the better part of him is convinced you'll LOVE it.

(I would! :p)

[asouefanworkevent]

another fall is upon us! another woevember is coming!!

what is it?

woevember is an asoue fanwork event week, that will take place from november 10th through november 16th, 2024. every day of the week is dedicated to a different part of a series of unfortunate events or all the wrong questions for you to create something about! this year's theme is objects!

what do i do?

the prompts will be revealed now, so everyone has time to make something. between now and the week of november 10th, you’ll create fanworks about the prompts, and then post it on the corresponding day during november 10th - 16th! there will be the occasional countdown post between then and now too, so we all know how many days are left until posting begins.

don’t forget to tag this tumblr (asouefanworkevent) in the post so i can find it and reblog it, and tag the post with #woevember !

what do you mean by fanwork?

everything! fanfic and fanart are of course allowed, but woevember has always been meant to be an event that is as big or as little effort as you want! fanwork also means edits, gifs, analysis posts, headcanons!! your cosplay!! your photography!! your photosets!! your web weaving!! your moodboards!! your super short fics!! your sketchiest drawings!! your most ramble-y half-fic idea posts!! your wip scenes!! you merely saying ‘lemony snicket, though. am i right?????’ (and you are. you’re so right.) your loving macaroni art!! your embroidery!! your sculpture!! whatever you are moved to make from the prompts! i want people to be encouraged to and be able to create even something small that didn’t exist before for the snicketverse, and share it with other people!

are there any rules?

to keep the event open and comfortable for everyone, no explicit content. also, as always, sibling romance and age gaps will not be tolerated.

do i have to make something for every day?

only if you want to! feel free to just make something for one day if you want :) the point of having a different theme for each day is so some part of canon that you like comes up eventually, and you can at least make something for one of the days. or you get struck by an idea you might not have considered before! i want to get people thinking about all the intriguing things in asoue and atwq and the exciting, different ways we can interpret and create from the same idea.

what are the prompts?

the description under each prompt is just some ideas to get your brain going – feel free to take them in another direction too! whatever you want to come up with!!

november 10th - violet's inventions

the grappling hook! the toaster in the clock! the rock retrieval device! the bobblehead train stopper! even just lockpicking, and violet's ribbon, too! what else do you think violet has made, pre-canon or during canon? what does she make now? post-canon, does she have a job that relates to inventing? does she still invent in her spare time?

november 11th - the sugar bowl

the mysterious sugar bowl! lives have been lost in the quest to find it and it's important to both the snickets and the baudelaires, so says esme. where is it now? what was its importance? what was inside it? where was it during canon, before canon? who has had it before? did anyone have it before esme? what does it look like? how does it keep its contents safe? when was it first used? did it make it to the hotel denouement? is anyone still searching for it? what if it wasn't stolen?

november 12th - disguises

both the firestarters and the firefighters have used disguises --the same disguises, supplied by vfd. what other kinds of disguises have each side used, and for what ends? was a disguise ever seen through at the wrong time, or the right time? was a disguise ever NOT seen through when it should have been? even the disguises beatrice wore when she acted on stage, or the cow disguise worn by jacques snicket, or the denouement triplets pretending to be each other, what does it mean to wear a disguise and what do you do when you wear one? do the baudelaires, or the quagmires, ever wear disguises again? do frank and ernest ever pretend to be each other post-canon?

november 13th - the bombinating beast

our beloved statue the size of a milk bottle, valued upwards of a great deal of money! where do you think it is now? what did lemony do with it when he left stain'd-by-the-sea? who used it before canon? do the baudelaires ever encounter it? does it make its way back to stain'd-by-the-sea? and where is the bombinating beast itself now?

november 14th - books

lemony's a series of unfortunate events books do, after all, exist in asoue canon itself! what does vfd think of the books? who's read them? or books like the unauthorized autobiography, and the beatrice letters, and lemony's childrens books, what place might they have in canon? for all the wrong questions, who's read them? they were filed at vfd headquarters, after all. how many members of vfd know what lemony did during his apprenticeship? or books like caviar: salty jewel of the tasty sea, or stain'd myths, or lemony's pamphlets on the accordion, or even the classic children's lit books, like the ramona series by beverly cleary, and their place inside canon and especially vfd? or even beatrice and bertrand's a series of unfortunate events, the journal they contribute to on the island. who else has written in that journal?

november 15th - the duchess of winnipeg's ring

the ring that went from the duchess, to lemony, to beatrice, to back to lemony, to kit, to bertrand, to beatrice, to the box she kept it in, to widdershins as he searched the ruins of the baudelaire mansion, to ishmael when it washed up on the island, to violet, and to the second beatrice, who traded it to a shepherd for a yak ride. what other adventures has it been on? does the duchess ever get it back again? why did beatrice keep it in a box -- a box that kit's grandfather made the code for? what has the rest of the duchess' family done with it? what does it mean to them?

november 16th - free space!

do you have another object in mind? the spyglass, one of klaus's books, or sunny's meals, or the harpoon gun, or ellington's record player, or cleo's chemistry equipment, or something like the medusoid mycelium? the laudanum? all the things esme says are in or out? the baudelaire fortune? the quagmire sapphires? the fabled tito puente records? the ruins of the baudelaire mansion and what else might be there? all those objects mrs. bass had her students measure? jake hix's meals? cleo's car, or the bellerophon taxi? the vfd taxi? gustav's films, or the sebald code? violet's bread knife? kit's book raft? commonplace books? do you want to combine any of these objects with one of the previous days and create something with two objects for one of the previous days? so many options!! or do you care not for objects! use the free space to write about the item or character or relationship or thought or whatever of your choosing! feel free to pick a theme from a previous woevember event for the free space, if you'd like!

if you have any questions about anything, feel free to drop me an ask or a message!

happy creating, and i hope to see lots of you november 10th-16th!! ✨

[dandylovesturtles]

leo and mikey, treat

(fav duo tbh, pretty underrated)

More Sidelined AU! Are you sick of me yet? Hopefully not because this has consumed my brain.

Part 1

Part 2

We're jumping ahead a bit in time to hopefully give you guys a bit more idea of The Flavor of this AU. And also to give it a bit of a happier note. It's not all doom and gloom!

No content warnings to speak of on this one

---

Mikey lands on the roof and powers on his earpiece, whispering, "Mikey in position. Can you hear me, Base? Come in Base."

"Helloooo New York City," comes Leo's voice, loud and clear. "You're tuning into L.A.I.R 179.12, with your host, DJ Neon Leon! Bringing you the hottest rock from the other side of the millennia."

Mikey snickers, then tries to pull himself back together. "Leo, come on! I'm here."

"Who?"

He sighs, even though he isn't mad at all. "I'm here, DJ Neon Leon."

"Ohohoho, excellent." He hears the click of typing, and then Leo says, "Can you get me visuals, Shelldon?"

"Right away, Neon Leon," Shelldon's voice crackles through the comms. There's a moment of silence, and Mikey can just imagine Leo rolling his chair around his "command center."

(He and Donnie had spent ages building it to look like the bridge of the S.S. Starbolt, with added mobility access, of course. Leo loves it as much as Donnie loves his lab.)

"Got your visuals, dudes," says Shelldon. There's some more typing from Leo's end, then he says, "Alright, Miguel, you should see two guards coming around the building riiiiight... now!"

Sure enough, two guards in plainclothes circle either side of the old apartment building across the street. Mikey watches as the two of them meet in front of the entrance, exchange a few words, then turn and head back the way they came.

"Right on time, Leo."

"Perfect, we're synced." Some more typing, and then, "The rooftop will be clear - let me know when you're over there and I'll get you inside."

"Roger that," he says. "Mikey out." Then he clicks his earpiece to silenced.

A hop, skip, and a jump later he's on the opposite roof. There's a door here, and he edges toward it before contacting Leo again.

"I'm here!"

"Alright... Disabling alarms... now!" Mikey can just see how dramatically he must have pushed the button. "Check the door to see if it's locked."

Mikey reaches out and jiggles the handle, but it doesn't budge. "Locked."

"Alright, no problem - you got your lockpicks?"

"Yep!"

"Remember what I taught you?"

"Yeah, I got it."

"Alright. Make me proud, little bro."

Mikey grins, pulling his lockpicking kit out of his gear. It takes him a few minutes, because he's nowhere near as fast at this as Leo is, but he gets it done without needing to ask for help. The training Leo made him go through is still fresh in his mind.

"Alright, I'm in," he says as he slips through the door. He's in a deserted stairwell, but just to be safe he crouches down into the shadows near the wall.

"So far, so good. You need to go down two flights of stairs. No guards are coming around right now, but keep it quiet just in case."

"Don't worry, I'll be silent as a mouse!"

"Knowing Dad that's not giving me as much confidence as you think."

Mikey giggles, then sucks in a breath and gets his game face on. Right. Silent. Ninja skills GO.

He does manage to make it to the right floor without major incident. There's no one in the hall when he enters, looking at the rows of numbered doors. He doesn't know why this is where the artifact is being kept hidden, but it doesn't matter.

"According to our intel, you should be looking for door four-oh-nine," says Leo. "The floor's clear, so get goin'."

"Got it," whispers Mikey, then hurries along in a silent crouch to the door Leo specified. He stops when he gets there, hissing in disappointment.

"What's up?"

"There's some kind of keypad lock."

"No problem. Just hook Donnie's doohickey in there."

Donnie would definitely hate it if he heard them calling it a "doohickey," and that makes Mikey grin. He pulls it out of his gear (it looks like a USB stick, but slightly thinner) and slips it into the maintenance slot on the keypad.

"Alriiight, hacking in progress," says Leo. "Big solo mish is going pretty smoothly so far, huh?"

"Yep," says Mikey proudly. "Told you guys I got this."

"That you did. Oh, and... alakazam!"

There's a click as he says it, then the red light on the keypad turns green. Mikey grins and opens the door, slipping inside the dusty apartment.

"You're getting pretty good at that hacking thing."

"Uh, you know I don't actually hack anything, right bud? I just get Shelly here to do it for me, or shoot it off to Dee if it's too complex."

"Don't sell yourself so short, dude!" says Shelldon. "You're picking it up real quick!"

"Ugh, don't say that. It makes me sound like nerd."

Mikey laughs again, searching the apartment for... well, he's not sure exactly. But he's pretty sure he'll know it when he sees it.

"What's the Foot Clan want this thing for, anyway?" he asks.

"Ours is not to question why, Miguel. I'm leaving that question for Donnie to answer."

"Mm... guess so..." He's about to say something else, but then he feels... something. Like a pulse, getting stronger as he moves toward a closet.

"...I think... I can feel it."

"Feel it?"

"Yeah... it's like..." He frowns, moving forward. "Like it's calling to me."

He opens the closet to find a safe. It also has an electronic lock, so once again he inserts the doohickey. The safe door opens with a click, and he peers inside.

There's only one item: a glittering green stone, with markings he doesn't understand carved in its surface. The pulse is super strong now, waves of energy washing over Mikey. Whatever this thing is, it's definitely powerful.

"I found it!" he says to Leo, a little louder than he should. He reaches in and wraps his fingers around it.

"Great! Hold on, just let me see if-"

Before he finishes his sentence, Mikey pulls the stone out - and immediately a loud alarm starts blaring, making him jump.

"What the heck is that!?" he yelps, jumping to his feet. He hears Leo curse on the other end of the line.

"Pressure alarm. Get out of there!"

The windows are barred - it's why he didn't come in that way in the first place. Mikey has no choice but to go back the way he came, dashing into the hallway. He turns on his heel and is making for the stairwell when his earpiece crackles again.

"No good, they're coming up the stairs."

"Then where am I supposed to go!?" he asks, frantic. All the windows are barred in the hallway, too, so that's no good.

"Okay, okay, hold on... oh, I got it! Opposite direction, about five doors down. Laundry chute."

Mikey sprints. Just as he hears the door of the stairwell open, he's tipping into the chute, pulling his limbs into his shell.

Getting chased by guards? No fun. Sliding down a laundry chute? Very fun.

"Whoooohoohooo!" he cheers when he reaches the bottom, landing in a pile of old rags and t-shirts. "That was awesome!"

"I remember having a distinctly less fun time the last time I had to do that," says Leo. "Anyway, stay there. I'm going to set off the roof access alarms and lure the guards up top, then you go up the stairs and slip out the front. Got it?"

"Got it!"

Leo's plan goes perfectly, and within a few minutes he's back outside. One later and he's back on the rooftops, running to safety.

"Yessss!" he yells once he's finally far enough away, jumping in the air and pumping his fist. "Mission successful baby!"

"I knew you could do it, little bro!" cheers Leo, his voice full of pride, and it makes Mikey beam.

"Couldn't have done it without you, Leo," he says back, truthfully.

It takes Leo a second to answer, which puts the smallest damper on Mikey's enthusiasm, but finally he comes back with, "Sure thing. You know I'm always here to help."

It's not perfect. But it's getting better. Leo is getting better, every day.

Mikey's celebratory mood cannot be quashed. He whoops again, eliciting laughs from Leo's end.

"Alright, now get your butt home before Raph freaks out. He's walked past my door twelve times."

"Thirteen," Shelldon corrects.

"Thirteen!" Leo echoes.

"You got it! Mikey out!"

He clicks the earpiece to silent, then runs and jumps to the next roof with an extra spring in his step. His solo mission was a complete success!

Of course, no missions were truly solo anymore. Not with his faithful older brother ever in his ear.

[bloodiedrogue]

THE PADLOCK PLAYOFFS

SUMMARY: Astarion and you compete for the camp's best lockpicker.

PAIRING: Astarion & Gender Neutral Reader

WORD COUNT: 1,190

WARNINGS: None?

AUTHOR'S NOTE: @leighsartworks216 is a genius and wrote the hilarious text post this little fic is based off of, so thank Leigh for their perfect brain! Also, no editing because I'm supposed to be on vacay.

MASTERLIST

-

“Are you two always this competitive?” 

The question originally had come from Wyll. After a particularly heated argument over the most effective way to distract and pickpocket, the answer quickly became obvious and the topic was dropped, knowing that forevermore, you and Astarion would always be seen as two opposing sides, competing for the ultimate prize of best rogue within the camp. 

At first, it was civil. At least to some degree. Discussions between the two of you would always rise to a boiling point but would never overflow the pot. Oftentimes both of you would just laugh at the other’s supposed perfected tactics, claiming to be the best before deciding a test would inevitably occur once the time was right. 

No testing ever followed through though. Considering you were far too busy with the threat of the Absolute and the fact that none of your discussions were ever that serious. Each time a competition was promised it was slowly forgotten and neither of you had a problem with it. 

Well, until now. Until Lae’zel absentmindedly makes some comment about how long Astarion’s taking to pick the lock of the chest in front of him.

All of you are back at camp for the night. After a particularly rough day of looting through an overflowing camp of Absolute cultists, the majority of you are lounging by the fire, drinking ale or wine, staring at the flames in silence as you all settle down. 

Towards the tents though, Astarion kneels in front of a large chest, brows pushed towards the centre of his face in deep concentration while Lae’zel stands above him, arms crossed angrily over her chest.  Both you and Karlach spare a glance, watching the inevitable argument that breaks out, noticing the exhaustion in Astarion’s eyes as he turns towards the Gith and yells. 

“If you’re so keen on rushing my craft then I’ll just piss off and let the second best rogue do it!” 

He motions to you with an open hand as he says it, catching the annoyed look you give him in the process. How your jaw all but sets into a stiff position, your lips pressing together in an attempt to surpass the insults you wish to throw his way. 

“Yes, perhaps such a suggestion is best.”

Stealing your attention, you watch as Lae’zel motions to the chest with her chin, giving you the kind of nod that has you jumping to your feet and readying your tools, watching as Astarion merely rolls his eyes. 

“Second best rogue —are you kidding me, Star?” You huff and shake your head, angrily shoving him aside before he can even react. Then, you shove the short hook into the hole, feeling three successful shifts before pulling open the lock. 

When you do you narrow your eyes at Astarion before faking a yawn, patting the palm of your hand to your lips in the most dramatic way possible. 

“You were watching me do it,” he immediately argues, pointing to the tools in your hands, glaring at them like they’re the most evil instruments in the world. 

“From across camp?” You raise your brow and smirk. “Sweetie, you and I both know my eyesight isn’t that good.” 

“It’s good enough to recognize technique, darling.”

Somehow this time the argument of who’s better than who doesn’t die down like it usually does. Instead, it merely escalates to the point of interruption, causing both Gale and Wyll to step in, suggesting you all go to bed. Neither of you relents though, knowing what’s at stake. Knowing that whoever gives in will always be referred to as the lesser rogue. 

“How about we settle this fair and square then?” Astarion says.

You look at him like he’s just lost his head. “Wait, you’re capable of fairness?” you ask sarcastically, watching him roll his eyes before changing the subject, asking the camp for their finest padlocks.

It’s decided then that your semi-consistent call for competition is finally answered. That after countless weeks of rivalry amongst varying tactics, you’ll finally get to decide on at least one of them. 

The camp reluctantly wanders to their tents then, allowing you and Astarion a few moments to stare the other down with newfound skepticism until the party all returns with various locks, holding them out for both of you to survey. 

“Forgive me for questioning, but are competitions like this common amongst thieves?” 

Gale looks at you as you lower your head to his hands, narrowing your eyes at the lock’s design. It’s intricate on the outside, displaying an ornate pattern that wraps around the opening in two mirrored filigrees. 

“Very,” you reply, snatching the lock from his hand with a grin, turning to Astarion afterward. “Basic rules? I pick your lock, you pick mine, any means necessary?” 

Astarion nods, holding out the lock inside his palm to you, prompting you to do the same. 

Once switched you both immediately get to work, running your eyes and fingers over the mechanisms, trying to form the best course of action. Next to you, Astarion looks at his with great attention, mumbling to himself as he picks apart all the padlock’s quirks, quickly discovering your choice is unfortunately smart.

Hailing from a specific locksmith who works with magic users exclusively, you know he can tell the lock inside is enchanted. That once you stick your hook inside it’s essentially a free-for-all in regards to what happens next. 

Based on the filigree design it’s obvious to those who know that it’s laced with illusionary magic. Something you’re certain Astarion’s at least somewhat familiar with, allowing you to take your time.

Not that you need it. Not with the lock he so foolishly chose. 

As soon as it was placed into your open hand you recognized the model. An old faulty lock that had been giving rogues like you grief for years. Back when it was first developed it was quickly run off the shelves once people found it was impossible to open without destroying them completely, prompting a surge of collectors to adopt most for display. 

Knowing this, you also know a bit of brute force in the right spot can remedy such a fault.

Smirking to yourself, you twirl the lock on your finger and wander over to Karlach, eyeing her competition offering before holding out your hand. 

“May I?”

She and the rest of the party look at you confused, watching as the tiefling hands it over almost immediately. 

You thank her kindly with a dramatic bow before glancing at your competitor, noticing how he’s finally found the right hook to ensure his success. 

“I’m surprised, didn’t think you’d get that far,” you tell him then, earning his attention long enough to hit the butt of Karlach’s lock against the other, triggering a loud click to signify its opening.

At which point, Astarion all but stares. With eyes so wide you swear they might fall out, you toss the lock in his direction, watching him fumble with the one in his hand before ultimately catching yours against the base of his forearm, looking up to glare as you blow him a cheeky kiss.

-

@poohxlove @gaiasmight @sassy-stupid @novarex @v-gremlin @sapphiccloud @lipstickghoulie @kuroitsukyo@jjfchk@idiotsatan@bluestuesday@bloopthebat@art-by-greenie@heneralmoon@sukunababe@dreamingaboutyousworld@ranfithegood@haniscrying@liadamerondjarin@the-lake-is-calling@marina-and-the-memes@rookieoftheyear@zraloci-cpr@kaetmo@snickerdoodle-daydream@wowowwild@d1anna@raswiet@conniesbbymama@venus-wrts@demonicthorns@kihten@deadglamsheep@sanscas@spammypasta@leighsartworks216@rose-gold-blue@p1ssmagg0t@hellish-writes@ghostinvenus@otayz@sexysquatch@sleepyeclair@colorful-anxieties@alina-exe@ilana-the-lasagna@lillifer@girlwiththepapatattoo@y2cade@acelin-ginsberg@pinkuranium@catrad0rable@scarletrosesposts@qwnamidala@itsrosebabe@bunnyperi@queenofcarrotflowers-s@tatumadams20@spkyxszn@chlort@f3v3rs@awkwardwookie@joy-the-reader@warm-milk-with-honey-blog@vertigocrime@iyis@wildpiper@pebblethestone@tillywasneverhere@bex-03@kaetmo@revemiya@staticspouse@itzagothamcitysiren@djarinsmixtape@when-the-night-came@epicy0n@bababahannah@sleepyred1703@lotus-99@lofcompass@r4d10h34d5@vampninjaz@itsmekalou@offbrandhand@yikes-buddy@konenichi@rainonarden@oceanbluesixeyes@bodtyworship@maydayitsjay@greasyslimebucket@yeeteth-the-raven@fantasyfairysworld@allexthakatt@flowersaretheshit@morglyne@thespectacularspaceace@cephiss0@use-your-telescope@furblrwurblr@kloverfield@angelofthorr@writervaul-t@starved-kitten@minixluvr@crowley--aziraphale@sapphicwren@alionera-blog@jennithejester@dezedrol@thisisew@saladalpaca@applepiewithbacon@httpbiohazard@aurasyn@nerdoodles@kingpinthedevil@itzkawaiix@domainoflostsouls@silverskylan@uminootome@helpidkwhatimdoingwrong@deadlyinfernos@blackbirdswhispers@sarahskywalker-amadala@writingmysanity@f3v3rs@jayjones03@quietlyebbie@optimisticprime3@eyes-for-daze@sunnytalia3@megoshh@maddiedott@cappsikle@mostbeautifulnightmare@lynnlovesloki@simpytheshrimpy69@astarion-archive@smaranshakthi@autistic-deer@shadowfeart@freckled-petals@candied-lavender@hp-art-studio@ghouligan@satelliteapotheosis@waywardwitch-hel@pandimoostuff@mythoughtsofinsanity@ilovelovelylove@oneandonlyizabelle

TAGLIST NOW CLOSED!

[stormy-river]

Transcripts from the Humanity Hotline 5

This one's been a long time in the making; had to make sure I did it right. Special thanks to @mothepissedoffmidget for the idea, and my roomie, @starryeyedlarkspur for helping with the advice.

-------

Operator: "Hi, thank you for holding. My name is Mindy. How can I help you today?"

Caller: "Yes, hi! I'm Nishel, the EMO [Entertainment and Morale Officer] on my ship. We hired a human about a month ago, and I'm struggling to keep up. Is it normal for humans to tire of activities so quickly?"

O: "That depends on the human, and the activities. Could you tell me a little more?"

C: "Yes. When we hired the human, she brought books and knitting supplies to entertain herself, which I though was helpful, but after a day or two she requested some puzzles. I was able to approve and acquire some fairly easily, but the human returned only a few days later asking for scrapbooking materials, and, well, the same thing happened. Over the last month, I've acquired puzzles, scrapbooks, a climbing wall for the gym, locks and a lockpicking set -- that one was a hassle to get approved, more knitting supplies, crochet supplies (I don't even know how that's different from knitting?), painting supplies, face painting supplies (again, I don't know how that's different), strange plastic bricks that fit together, and a violin. And that's just what was approved. I've also heard from the crew that she's downloaded more books, started writing stories on her personal computer, and started learning how to write programs, and yet, with all these things, she told me this morning that she has nothing to do and was bored. I don't know what else to do. I've spent 78% of this year's entertainment budget this month!"

O: "That's a lot. Some humans have a few different hobbies at once, but usually not that many. Do you have access to crew psychological evaluations?"

C: "Yes, when necessary for morale concerns."

O: "Is there anything in the human's file?"

C: "It says Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder, which is also something she's mentioned a few times, but that's tagged for possibly interfering with work, not morale."

O: "ADHD would explain it. It shouldn't only be tagged as work-related as it can actually affect a human's whole life. This is another human thing that's different for everyone, with some hyper-fixating on one thing for a really long time, or different aspects of a single subject, and others, like your crewmember, gaining and losing interest in many different things very quickly."

C: "So this will keep happening? I can see about increasing the budget for next year, but I don't think this is sustainable long term."

O: "Don't panic, there's actually a cheaper method. Communicate with other ships and supply stations with humans on board to see if they are having a similar problem. If you can find others who get and lose hobbies quickly, you can trade the supplies; give them what your human is done with, and receive their extras for her. This will also have the extra benefit of building social connections as they discuss and trade."

C: "That makes sense. It would take a lot of coordination, but I can start asking the nearby fleet."

O: "Good. I will also send a report to the Alliance to see if something can be officially established. Is there anything else I can help you with today?"

C: "No, thank you, Mindy. You've been a great help."

O: "Of course. Don't hesitate to call again if something else comes up."

End Transmission

Transcription Note: Following this call, the Alliance established the Hobby Interfleet Trade Service, now the Interfleet Surplus Exchange (ISE), commissioning a fleet of delivery ships to shuttle supplies.

[kerizaret]

I have a hc that Saki picked up A LOT of various skills or knowledge while at the hospital that was just fun or distracting and a way for her to spend the days there and not be bored. Some of these are useful things, but others are just... completely random

Sure, she might've not had a chance to learn how to cook... But she can knit really well instead! The grandmas she met at the hospital were a huge help. All of l/n have at least one sweater hand knitted by her

Math was hard to learn when you didn't attend school a lot, but she found she's picked up learning languages a lot easier! So, she's been learning some by herself. She's really good at English and knows some Chinese too. She's even managed to pick up a little French because she thought it's classy. She's watched a lot of videos and movies and dramas or donghuas in original languages, and regularly listens to an English podcast on fashion. She ends up helping an embarrassed but very grateful Tsukasa with his broken English a lot later on, too, because she cannot listen to him. She's also practiced a lot of tongue-twisters which she can say really fast now, in all Japanese, Chinese and English

Also, sign language! She's learnt some basics of JSL

Obviously she's been following the trends a lot to see what's popular to wear right now, but then she got dragged into the hole that is fashion history... Now she can accurately describe you from memory what was commonly worn by any social class in various eras in Japan and also some in France (it's known as the country of fashion, after all! It's also part of the reason of her picking that language to learn), and knows the biographies of a lot of important fashion figures

She can fold very complicated origami deisgns by heart and also do miniature origami models. She's got boxes full of old origami sculptures(?) shes made over the years. She's also given a lot of them away to other patients when they were upset or when some were leaving the hospital, and also gifted some to all her doctors when she was finally discharged herself

She's TRIED to learn lockpicking, but the doctors once caught her sneaking out at night trying to pick at some medicine cabinet to practice and the conversation following it was so awkward that she didn't try it again...

She knows a lot about flower language (thanks to Ichika. They discussed that a lot whenever she came to visit her and brought a new bouquet in tow). She can solve a Rubik's cube in under a minute and shuffle cards really quick, too. She even knows a few card tricks. She can twirl a pen, which she later does A LOT in class, quote several poems from memory. She's learnt to write basic calligraphy

Because y'know, sometimes you need to do something new and/or time/thought–consuming to distract yourself from the bad and painful stuff. And in the end it's still something she can use now and be proud of and that she can share to make others happy, too. And just have fun

[iconuk01]

Pouches - Who's to blame (Not entirely serious)

Now, we remember that the king of the super pouches is Cable, and for good reason... Since his intro in 1990 he has tended to be more than slightly... pouch intensive

This isn't even a spoof cover, it's an accurate representation of his costume at the time.

But did he START the trend?

I think not.

Leaving aside Batman from the 1966 series, who had hefty pouches in his belt...

Though still not remotely large enough for some of the stuff he randomly produced from it, even if it DOES fold up... sort of.

But I digress....

I did consider the Silver Age bat villain Cluemaster

But those are specifically "plastic-glass pellets" containing assorted chemical weapons, like explosives, gas, acids and the like, so not sure they count.

It's been suggested that one of the first in the modern era to develop this was Longshot in 1986, when he did indeed have pouches on his belt, because artist Art Adams thought he needed practically-sized pouches to carry things in.

But even then are there MANY pouches? His bandolier was to store his throwing knives for easy access, so weren't pouches per se.

So technically, the first X-Men character to really lay into the pouches side of things isn't Cable, not by a long shot... it's this guy, slightly later in 1986

So Doug Ramsey was leading the field of poucher-y in the X-Verse side of things.

Just look at that vest and belt, LOADED and lined with pouches, and we never even find out what's in them... Though I think it would include pens, pencils, notepaper, some money, spare keys to the Xavier school, first-aid kit, lock picks (because he's always wanted to carry lockpicks), string (Everyone should carry string), breath mints and other things a relatively sensible teenager would want to be sure he was carrying if he had the room in his outfit and wasn't given to cargo shorts!

And yet, there are other contenders, so let's work backwards...

Also from 1986, Batman (again) from "The Dark Knight Returns" where even his BELT looks to be on a course of serious steroids!

And in 1983 we got this stylish new costume retconned into the history of the Golden Age Tarantula in All-Star Squadron who, up until this point, wore a purple and yellow spandex outfit that was, oncufsingly, identical to the Golden Age Sandman's spandex costume outfit.

Notice that he has rings of pouches on both boots, where he keeps things like spare cash in case he needs to hire a taxi and probably some spare ammo for his wirepoon gun.

But I think I've found patient zero as, from 1981's New Teen Titans #3. we have the inventor and technologist par excellence, the man who would be known (Eventually) as Mikron O'Geneus, though he would, perhaps thankfully, becomes better known by his codename:

GIZMO!

Look, even his LOGO has pouches!

In fairness, given his speciality is creating techno-widgets and devices out of other technology, him carrying dozens of gadgets and components makes a lot of sense, to the extent that he even manages to carry MORE weapons than Robin's utility belt (Which is TARDIS like in and of itself)!

So I think we have a winner!

Gizmo started the modern pouch trend!

If anyone can find earlier/other contenders, then please feel free to add them!

[ceilingfan5]

🔒 blupjeans? :) 

🔒I broke into your car to impress you when you locked your keys in and now I have to construct an elaborate lie to explain myself 

“Huh,” Barry says, after Lup breaks into his fucking car. “Thank you, so much, honestly, I mean, I was going to be fucked, the locksmith quoted me like $300-”

“Yeah, no prob,” Lup says, so forcedly casual that she thinks she hears something important pop in her jaw. 

“But uh,” Barry looks at his car, a very, very sad blue Honda Civic belovedly named Crunch, and then at Lup, who is struggling with the knowledge that she is blushing hard enough to burn herself at the stake here. “That’s a pretty impressive skill you’ve got there?”

The how the fuck do you know that, and for why, specifically, is implied. 

“Thanks,” Lup says, opening her gumball machine mouth and letting a tasty, shiny lie ricochet through the spirals and tubes of her fucking idiot central and right out into the air, where she will now be responsible for it. “I learned it in the circus.”

“The circus?” Barry is wearing his stupid sexy strap on sunglasses, which are tentatively attached to his regular glasses, and thus make his eyes a little harder to see. He is, however, obviously having some kind of reaction to this information. Lup grimaces. 

“Yeeep. The circus. You know, the uh, the giraffes loved to steal keys.” 

“Giraffes?” Barry is incredulous. “That’s amazing. What for?”

“Oh, they’re mischievous fuckers,” Lup is just fully in it now. “Never trust a giraffe, I’m telling you. Elephants either, they’ll throw your keys right down a storm drain just to get your attention.”

“Golly,” Barry says. With his human fucking mouth. Lup wants to kill him and keep his soul in a jar. She promises she’ll poke holes in the lid. “I have to imagine you’d hide your keys after that happened once or twice, though?”

“The problem is, you see,” Lup is ascending, to live with the angels. Shame they’ll evict her as soon as possible, for all the lust and gluttony and wrath and so on. She can have another thing lined up. It’s fine. “Circus outfits never have pockets.”

“Really? Never?”

“Total design flaw,” Lup says, nodding, and also sweating so hard she’s afraid it might be audible. “Pockets would pull them down. And when you’re just wearing a leotard, you don’t want it gettin’ pulled down, obviously.”

“Obviously,” Barry agrees, looking dreadfully impressed at all this. “But then what about the keys, did you just hold them?” Him and his goddamn followup questions. Lup could grind him into a paste and study him under a microscope. 

“Yeah, or put them on a chain around our necks. But mostly we had a key boy.”

“A keyboy?” Barry’s eyes go way up. “One keyboy, to hold all the keys in the circus?”

“It was an illustrious job,” Lup says, with her lying, lying ass. “Everyone wanted to fuck the key boy.” 

“Wow,” Barry says. “Because of his access?”

“Because of the jingles, Barr, keep up!” Lup folds her arms. “Also, he was a pretty good juggler. Not as good as me, though.”

“You can juggle?” Barry grins at her. “I’d love to see that.” 

“I’ve been banned from juggling forever,” Lup says solemnly. “Because of the incident.” 

“The incident?” Jesus, can he just do this all day? Doesn’t he get tired?

“Yeah,” Lup says, and winks, and smacks him congenially on the back. “It’s a curse. Shame, cause I love juggling.” And before Barry can ask her another fucking question, she heads back in to work. 

God. It’s been years since she juggled. She cannot fucking believe she’s backed herself into a corner again about this shit. She should have just admitted to being obsessed with lockpicking youtube. 

[countmur]

How Literate Arcane Characters Are - Headcanon Thread

(Vander, Silco, Benzo, Caitlyn, Vi, Mylo, Claggor, Powder, Ekko, Jayce, Viktor, Mel)

I’ve never used tumblr before so please be patient w me 🙇‍♂️🙇‍♂️🙇‍♂️🙇‍♂️ some minor spoilers for arcane 1 ahead!!

Vander:

Barely literate. He gets by mostly but he reads increasingly slow and needs to read out loud. The undercity doesn’t have an actual school system so the kids usually have to teach themselves or have their parents teach them. Vander was just a little shit as a kid, thought it was useless then and now he’s trying to learn since he’s running a business and all that. He can write, but again, barely. Has to sound out every word and even then it’s not guaranteed to be spelled right. He doesn’t understand how people read for fun. You give him anything thicker than a pamphlet and he’ll look at you like you’re crazy

Rat bastard Silco 🥰

A lot more literate than his brother, he was always more of the brains than the brawn anyway. For his work the ability to write well is a must, and he was a little less of a shit in his childhood than Vander so he actually started learning early on. He does enjoy reading actually!! He’s a bit of an elitist though and thinks he’s better than everyone else for “enjoying” classics. Probably wrote some fanfics as a teen, If Vander could read then he would definitely bully Silco.

Benzo (off topic but he doesn’t get as much love as he deserves)

He’s around the same level of literacy as Silco. Read data sets and instructional pamphlets all the time as a kid. Probably stumbled upon an IKEA furniture assembling guide once as a kid and was so fascinated he just had to figure out what it meant. Vander always comes to Benzo for help when he gets an especially fancy message from Grayson. I think Benzo would actually have some nice handwriting and would be super proud of his signature. He’s used to tinkering with very small and complex machines so he’s got good control.

Caitlyn

Idk what you want me to say here she’s a piltie with a council member for a mom I don’t know how she could be anything less than that one kid in elementary who was reading at a 12th grade level in 3rd grade. Read fanfics as a kid. Still does occasionally. Probably figured out she was a lesbian from reading fanfics. Had a weird obsession with mystery novels back then which may or may not have led her to become an enforcer.

Vi

Yeah she’s obviously Vander’s kid. Didn’t see the need to read and Vander didn’t really push her to so she just kinda never learned to read. To her the most important thing is to be able to speak well and not die. Probably liked to flip through comic books and try and piece together the story from the pictures (that or she just made up her own). Being locked up in prison for several years also doesn’t really help with literacy so yeah. Vi is illiterate.

Mylo

Most literate of Vander’s kids. He’s not super advanced but he’s doing a LOT better than his siblings. Benzo probably gave him a book on lockpicking without telling Vander once and that’s probably where Mylo actually began to read a lot more. He enjoys the usual fantasy and adventure books but rarely has the time to read them. He’s probably around a 5th or 6th grade reading level. Likes to rub the fact that he can understand the comic books into Powders face.

Claggor (I couldn’t find any good gifs of just him sorry 😢😢)

A little less literate than Mylo but he can still read pretty well! Probably likes to flip through craft books and then never make any of the projects shown (cough cough I’m projecting cough). Same with cooking books except he actually MIGHT make a thing or two shown in the book. Likes Fantasy books as well.

Powder / Jinx

As a kid she definitely loved flipping through kids’ encyclopedias with different animals in them. That’s partly why she started reading, cuz she was so interested in what those animals were. She also had a lot of spare time since Mylo would always insist on leaving her behind and sometimes it was enough to convince Vi. Once she got older I think she stopped reading as much. She still knew how to read she just lost the love for it, reminded her too much of her past life. Silco didn’t push her to keep reading either.

Ekko 😢😢😢😭😢😭😢😢😢😭😢🥺😢

Benzo actually pushed him to read a ton, and Ekko absolutely loved and respected Benzo so he wasn’t a tough student. He loved loved loved learning from Benzo and just honestly enjoyed spending time with his mentor. Benzo wasn’t too bad of a teacher either so Ekko became very literate very quickly. Again, after the events of the first arc he also lost his love for reading. He’s a great letter writer tho especially when he needs to give instructions.

Jayce

He got into a university I think you gotta be pretty literate for that. Idk tho. Could be wrong. Again idk what you want me to say for him. Oh but! I think he speaks atleast one other language just not well. He’s highly literate in English but not in the language his mom speaks. He can understand it and can speak it but can’t read or write in it.

Viktor

Kinda like Jayce I think he speaks another language EXCEPT he can also read and write in the other language too! So he’s very literate in both of the languages he speaks. He may be from the undercity but from his accent I want to make the guess that he may have moved to the undercity when he was very young. Maybe the place he was from actually had a decent school system where he learned to read and write in both his mother tongue and English. Seems like a fan of French novels and poetry books. You give him Frankenstein and he gets excited as hell.

Mel She comes from Royalty so she is very very well educated. Speaks several languages that her mom made her learn and can probably read and write in atleast 4 different languages. Traumatized girlboss polyglot!!!

Once she was no longer living with her mother I think she really started to indulge in fiction while before her mom would rarely allow it, saying it was a waste of time or that it promoted degeneracy (off topic but if Ambessa was a politician irl she would 100% use woke unironically). Seems like she’d be a big fan of Jane Austen and Emily Dickenson.

End of thread!!

[ekko-idk]

YOU 🫵

Explain what dungeon meshi is

(You don't have to i'm just new here and wanted to hear it from someone who already knows a lot about this media)

(If you can't / don't want to that's absolutely fine but I would greatly appreciate it if you did :) )

Be careful what you wish for! I'm a professional rambler :)

Dungeon meshi (or Delicious In Dungeon) is a manga that recently started getting an animated adaptation on Netflix. The Manga is completed and the anime is ongoing. And just to be transparent I'm anime only so I don't know the whole story yet :0

The story follows a party (like a DND party) after they lost one of their members to a dragon, and they decide to go back to the dungeon to try and save her.

Laios, the blond guy with the armor, is the brother of the lost party member, Falin. he's very passionate and excitable (some people think it makes him awkward or difficult to talk to), he's just very in his own world.

Marcille, the blond elf girl with the blue dress (i think it's a dress?), is a childhood friend of Falin, she's a mage and casts mostly explosions lol. Marcille and Falin went to magic school together and it's pretty obvious they also have feelings for each other, that's why Marcille wants to save her so much.

Chilchuck, the tiny guy with the green neck wrap, is the group's lockpick. He's often cynical and sarcastic, and honestly at the start of the series I didn't expect to love him as much as I do, there's way more to him than what it might seem at a glance.

There were two other party members in their party but they decided to quit, each for their own reasons, and since the party lost almost all of their belongings in the dragon fight they were now broke. Eager to go save Falin they had a debate on what to do next, in which Laios mentioned he had expert knowledge on monsters and had always wondered what they taste like. Somehow Laios managed to convince Marcille and chilchuck to eat monsters to save up on money, although they were very opposed to it at first.

Laios knows a lot about monsters, but he doesn't know a lot about cooking, that's when they meet Senshi. Senshi is a dwarf that lives in the dungeon and is very passionate about cooking and living healthy. Senshi decides to tag along with Laios, Marcille, and Chilchuck, on their quest to save Falin, slaying and cooking monsters along the way.

This is the premise of Dungeon Meshi! Obviously there's a lot more that goes into it like other characters I didn't mention and a whole bunch of twists and turns in the story. If it's not apparent already by the amount of fanart I did, I'm enjoying the anime a lot lol. I can wholeheartedly recommend it, it's genuinely hilarious, the characters are all expertly written and bounce so well off of each other, there's little to no weird yucky "fan service" (the author is a woman and treats all her female characters with the respect they deserve) and at its core (as I see it) it's a story about passion, and how far following it can bring you.

There's a million and one other positive things I can say, like the LGBT and neurodivergent representation (Marcille and Falin are very clearly Sapphic, and Laios is widely headcanoned as autistic) and the various and diverse body types for both men and women, but I don't want this to go on for too long 😭

I hope this is what you had in mind when you asked me the question lmao💀

[cirrus-ghoulette]

Since we all know how much I love whumping Dew...

Dew's heats are hell.

They're not sexy in the slightest. They used to be, back when he was a water ghoul, but something changed in the makeup of his body after he changed essences, and now heats are just a week long hell for him.

He usually gets about a week's prewarning before his heat hits. He knows it's coming when his chest is so sensitive he almost cries at the feeling of his partners playing with it, and when he keeps getting told off by his packmates for 'snapping', even though he hadn't realised he was so pissed off.

He knows exactly when his heat hits, because he'll be struck by an almighty cramp that makes his guts feel like they're twisting around themselves, caught in a vice. Normally it hits during the night, when he's thankfully alone, but it's happened during the day, only a few times. He'd dropped to his knees and his packmates had been so concerned the first time that they carried him straight to the infirmary, just to be told that he was in heat.

Dew doesn't get horny during his heat. At all.

He used to, back when he was a water ghoul. Water ghouls are famed for their wetness (obviously) and Dew would somehow wreck even the waterproof sheets with how wet he would get during heats.

Nowadays, he still soaks through the sheets, but it's with sweat rather than slick. He has high fevers, above what is lethal for a human, burning up like a furnace as he lays in bed, surrounded by a puddle of sweat.

With the stomach aches he has, too, there's no question why he isn't horny. The pain gets so intense that all he can do some days is lay on his side in the fetal position, his arms wrapped tight around his waist, and cry. He doesn't want anyone up in his business when he's like this.

Swiss tried, once, just to see if it would ease Dew's pain. It did not. And he ended up with a slightly burnt cock for his efforts.

He's not very sociable during his heats. He prefers to lock himself in his room and deal with the heat alone, not wanting the pity from his packmates. However, his packmates always seem to come and sit by him anyways. Damn Sunny and her lockpicking skills.

Cumulus helps him sip at some broth when he has no appetite, then strokes his hair and holds the bin when the cramps get so bad that the broth comes straight back up.

Aether tries to use his quintessence on him, but it doesn't put a dent in the amount of discomfort Dew's in. He can't even get him to sleep with his quintessence when he's at the peak of his heat.

Cirrus offers a cooling touch with her air essence. She'll rest her hand on his forehead and his brows will relax, his glazed-over eyes drooping in pleasure as he cools down ever so slightly for the first time in days.

Mountain trims some herbs for Dew and strains them into a tea that Dew doesn't drink. He also offers companionship. He sits by the bed, on the floor, in complete silence, his pinky finger linked with Dew's. He knows that Dew gets headaches during his heat, and he knows that he wouldn't like to be talked at when he's in this much pain, anyways.

Rain helps with Dew's hydration. Dew has no appetite or thirst like this, but with the amount he's sweating, he needs to keep his water intake up. They figured out a few hears ago that Dew had small patches of skin over his body that hadn't quite transitioned to fire ghoul, where he could take in water through his skin. Rain holds his hands over these patches and transfers some of the water from his essence to Dew this way, to ensure he doesn't get too dehydrated.

Copia worries. He stands by the doorway, unsure if he should bother his little devil. Sometimes he goes in, only after Dew weakly calls for him. He sits on the edge of the bed, strokes Dew's hair, works out all the tangles with his fingers. Dew will hold onto his wrist tight, as if he's steadying himself against the way that the room spins. Copia tries to soothe him the best he can. He doesn't really know how to help in this situation. He absolutely hates seeing him in this much pain, they all do.

[goqmir]

thinking about latex cat burglar tf now personally

really glad you are too bestie cuz i cannot get these concepts out of my mind :3 okay hear me out right what if the permanent latex bondage tf binds its arms uselessly behind it forever (or maybe binds it in useless paw bondage so it has no fine hand motion) BUT its new latex kitty tail becomes able to be moved finely. so it now has to use its latex tail to steal everything. and like. also it has to use its latex kitty tail to make pasta and play video games now too

what if the permanent latex footpaws make its footsteps silent but are more slippery and difficult to control than the shoes that it was used to. what if they had attachment points permanently affixed to them so that if the rogue was caught their captor could easily make it very difficult for it to walk,,

what if during the tf some sort of curse was put on it that increases its arousal and desperation equivalent to the value of the items in its built-in rogue's satchels. and so if it does a big heist it probably cant get away very quickly without cumming its brains out

maybe it has some sort of custom-made attachment that goes on its tail thats like,, multi-tool? it keeps it off generally but on heists it can flick out a small knife or lockpick from the multi-tool that helps it do finer rogue tasks. that would be pretty cool