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serpentandlily · 1 year ago

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Untouchable III - Azriel x Reader

Untouchable - Azriel x Rhysand'sSister! Reader ✨

Summary: For as long as you can remember, you have always had feelings for Azriel, your court's spymaster. But after centuries of watching him pine after your own cousin, hoping he'd eventually move on, your wish came true. He moved on-with Elain, your brother's mate's middle sister. Unable to watch him fall in love with someone else again, you flee from Velaris, from him. But things are a lot more complicated than that - more complicated than you ever imagined.

Warnings: angst

a/n: Okay all your comments/reblogs have literally made me dieeee laughing. Y'all are so funny lmao. Hope you enjoy this one! I had lots of fun writing it <3

➻❥ Part I ➻❥ Part II ➻❥ Part III ➻❥ Part IV ➻❥ Part V

➻❥ Part VI ➻❥ Part VII ➻❥ Part VIII ➻❥ Part IX ➻❥ Part X

─── ⋅ ∙ ∘ ☽ ༓ ☾ ∘ ⋅ ⋅ ───

Part III

─── ⋅ ∙ ∘ ☽ ༓ ☾ ∘ ⋅ ⋅ ───

The cool night breeze kissed the flesh exposed by your silk nightgown as you sat on the railing of your balcony, dangling your legs over the edge. You could faintly hear music and the sound of laughter as Velaris came alive around you. You blew a loose strand of hair out of your face as you gazed up at the bright moon glowing down on you in the night sky.

“I need some advice right now, Mama,” you whispered into the night. “Everyone seems to be finding their place in this world but I…I don’t know where I belong or what I’m even here for. And everything has been falling apart recently and I could really, really, use one of your hugs right now.”

After the disastrous training session this morning, you had spent the rest of the day watching over Nyx. Being with him made you feel better. Your nephew was a reminder that there were more important things in your life than a certain shadowsinger and his crazy mood swings.

But now Nyx was asleep and you were left alone with your thoughts once again.

Azriel had been so rough with you today, so cruel. And your heart panged with the thought that he would never dare treat Elain, or even Mor, like that. You let out a sigh and drew one knee to your chest, resting your head against it. Would this heartache ever go away? Or were you cursed by the Mother to forever yearn for a male who would never want you?

Somehow you could sense him before you even heard the flap of wings. A thud sounded behind you and the smell of night-chilled mist and cedar flooded your senses. His presence felt heavy and dark and you refused to turn around despite the way it put you on edge.

Silence. Nothing but tense silence filled the air. If it wasn't for Azriel's looming presence behind you, you might've thought you imagined him coming. You waited a breath...then another. Still nothing. You felt him take a step closer to you; his shadows eased their way between your arms, over your shoulders, through your hair. You could feel his warm breath on the back of your neck.

Another moment went by and you couldn't take it anymore. You blew out a low breath.

"I didn't snitch on you if that's what you're thinking," you scoffed, your gaze never straying from the moon. "You can blame that on Cass. So if my brother sent you here to apologize, save it."

Silence once more. Your grip on the edge of the stone railing tightened. Why wasn't he saying anything? Why did he come here?

"Rhys didn't send me here." You almost jumped at the sound of his voice, your heartbeat rising. "In fact, your brother forbade me from seeking you out."

Yet here he was, going directly against his High Lord's orders. Your brows furrowed but you refused to turn around, refused to look at him. So much had changed between the two of you in the last twenty-four hours.

"So why are you here?"

"I hurt you." His voice was as dark as his shadows.

You glanced down at your bandaged hand. The image of his cold face as he struck down on you with his sword replayed in your mind. But you weren't sure which had hurt more. The slice down your palm or the words he had spat at you.

"You did."

"Y/n..." he whispered your name. You felt his hand ghost over your shoulder, as if he were about to touch you, but his touch never came. "I'm sorry. I was...I was angry and I took it out on you—”

"You weren't just angry, Az," you cut him off. "You were angry with me. Why? What did I do to earn your ire?"

You finally turned around and gasped as you caught sight of his face. He had a black eye, his left cheekbone was surrounded by black and purple bruises, and his bottom lip had been split open, though it looked to be already healing. His hair was tousled as if he had spent hours running his hand through it, some pieces hanging down his forehead.

"I deserved it," he said, darkly as your eyes searched his face for any more injuries. You knew your brother had been behind them. "You've done nothing wrong. Like I said, I wasn't angry with you."

You let out another scoff and jumped down from the railing. The ground was cold against your bare feet as you brushed past Azriel and strode towards the glass doors leading to your bedroom.

“Where are you going?”

You waved a dismissive hand in the air. “I refuse to entertain a conversation with you if you’re going to blatantly lie to me.”

“I’m not lying,” he ground out through his teeth.

You whirled around, crossing your arms. “Then why did you say all those things to me? If you were just angry, why not let off steam by sparring with Cass like you always do? You targeted me.”

“I didn’t mean any of the things I said, y/n.”

“You still said them.”

“Fine,” he snarled. He stalked towards you looking like a fallen angel straight from Hell, wings and all. You couldn’t help but take a step back. “Do you want to know why I’m so angry, princess?”

You gasped as he pressed a large hand flat against your sternum and pushed you against the wall, holding you there. Your eyes widened as you stared up at him. His expression was dark, his jaw clenched.

“I’m angry because you let that undeserving, piece of shit male put his hands all over you,” he growled. “I'm angry you even let him look in your direction.”

You glared up at him. “Why should it even matter to you?”

“Because it does.” He slammed a hand against the wall beside your head causing your heart to pound in your chest. “It fucking does.”

“Why?” Your voice was a mere whisper.

Azriel sucked in a breath, his head dropping into the crevice of your neck. You didn’t think your heart could beat any faster or you might possibly die. He splayed his hand out on your stomach, holding you in place.

“Azriel?” you questioned, uncertain of what he was doing. He had never acted so erratic around you. You went to take a step forward but he slammed you back against the wall with the hand on your stomach.

“Don’t,” he said through gritted teeth. “Don’t move.”

Your breath got caught in your throat. He trailed his nose up your throat column, barely brushing against the fragile skin. Butterflies erupted in your stomach at his touch, at his closeness to you.

“Az,” you started, placing your hand on his chest. “What are you—”

You stopped talking as he laid his hand over your much smaller one. He closed his eyes, a muscle ticking in his jaw. “Don’t touch me.”

But his hand squeezed yours, keeping it in place. You were so confused—so utterly confused by his behavior. He pried your hand off his chest after a moment and you let your arm fall limp.

“Do you have any idea what you do to me?” His voice was so low, it sent a shiver down your spine. His hand gripped your hip so tightly, the fabric of your nightgown bunching in his fist.

When his eyes opened again, he looked wild—feral. His hand slid up your waist, grazing the side of your breast, until it lingered on your throat. Heat started to coil inside of you. Fire burned a trail through your veins. You couldn’t find any words, your mind suddenly empty of every single thought except one.

Azriel took a deep inhale and you were certain he could smell your arousal. Your cheeks turned pink with embarrassment. But his pupils dilated at your scent, making his eyes look black, as the hand that was on the wall clenched so tightly, parts of the brick chipped off, clattering to the floor. His other hand moved up your throat to cup the side of your cheek, a scarred thumb brushing against your skin.

You swallowed audibly, frozen in place. You could scent his own arousal, could feel it pressing against your stomach, as his hard body kept you as its prisoner. Your mouth parted in a gasp and his head dipped down, his nose brushing against yours. And then his lips hovered over yours and you held your breath. Your body screamed at you to do something, anything. But he had ordered you not to move, not to touch him.

Your heart nearly stopped as his lips feathered yours and you waited. Waited for him to make the final move, to press his lips against yours for real. To kiss you. Something that had only ever happened in your dreams. But instead, he let out a loud grunt of pain and pulled himself away from you so quickly, it felt like you had been slapped.

You blinked up at him, disorientated. “A-Azriel?”

He let out a frustrated growl, running a hand through his hair, as his whole body seemed to tense. When he met your eyes, goosebumps covered your skin because of the darkness in his gaze. The hand at his side clenched in and out of a fist. Like he was restraining himself from something.

You were shaking like a leaf, glad the wall could support you, otherwise you were sure you would’ve crumbled to the floor. You waited for him to speak, to say anything that might explain what the hell had just happened. But when he finally did, his words were like a spear to the heart.

“Do yourself a favor, princess, and stay the hell away from me.” The words came out in a snarl and his huge wings snapped out, casting a dark shadow over your form. Before you could even say anything, he launched himself into the air and disappeared into the dark night sky.

The breath you hadn’t known you’d been holding in was expelled out of your lungs and you slid down the wall until you were on the floor, drawing your knees up to your chest. Your mind whirled as you tried to figure out what just happened.

But hours later, when the sun began to crest over the horizon, you were still so lost.

─── ⋅ ∙ ∘ ☽ ༓ ☾ ∘ ⋅ ⋅ ───

A few days passed by without you so much as catching a glimpse of Azriel. Apparently, your brother had sent him off on some mission, likely out of spite. Or perhaps even for your benefit. As much as you wanted to see him after that night on the balcony, his absence gave you time to think about what you wanted or needed to do.

Ultimately, you decided the next time you came across him alone, you would force him to talk to you, to tell you what the hell that night was about. It was only fair. You deserved an explanation after all. He had treated you like shit, then came to you and nearly kissed you, before disappearing. And his words had been ringing in your head every single night.

Do yourself a favor, princess, and stay the hell away from me.

They made no sense to you. It had seemed like he wanted you that night, judging by the arousal you had scented, the feel of him against you. And you knew he could tell you wanted him too. So why would you be doing either of you any favors from staying away from him? It made no Godsdamn sense and you needed an answer to his cryptic words. So you would demand it of him the next time he came around.

You stretched your legs out on the couch, yawning as you placed a bookmark to keep your place in the novel you were in the middle of reading, and snapped it closed. It had been a long day of taking care of Nyx while Rhys and Feyre had to attend to some courtly duties. The house had been noticeably vacant today, just the two wraith twins occasionally floating in to check on you and baby Nyx.

Normally Elain was around to keep you company on days like this but even she had run off somewhere for the day. You had just started to get up, ready to retire to your bed, when the front door slammed open. You jumped at the noise, whirling towards the foyer. Rhys and Feyre weren’t due back until tomorrow morning, so who else could it—

Elain stumbled into view, followed by Azriel. Both hadn’t even noticed your presence as they kissed wildly, bumping against the walls as they moved inside. The scent of Elain’s arousal flooded the room and you choked on the scent causing them to break apart in surprise.

Your stomach sank at their appearance. The top buttons of Azriel’s shirt were undone, exposing some of the tattoos on his chest. Elain’s hair was in disarray, her lips swollen, as if they had been up to this for a while now. Well, that explained why Elain had been gone all day.

You stared at them with wide eyes as hurt slammed its way into you. Azriel had returned from his mission. He had returned and had sought out Elain. Hadn’t even thought to come to you to maybe give you some explanation of that night. You were probably the last thing on his mind right now anyways, that much was clear.

“Oh my Gods,” Elain exclaimed, placing a hand to her chest. “I’m so sorry, y/n. I knew Feyre and Rhys would be gone and assumed you’d be in bed by now.”

Azriel said nothing, only stared at you with a cold, unfeeling look. You felt your breath shallow out, your nerves causing your hands to shake. You wanted to scream, wanted to vomit, to cry. But you did nothing. Just mustered up a small smile and muttered, “It’s okay.”

Elain went to say something else but Azriel grabbed her hand and leaned down to whisper in her ear, holding eye contact with you the entire time. “Come on, let’s go.”

He smirked as she blushed red and you could do nothing but just stare and stare at him. You didn’t move an inch as he pulled her away and up the stairs, Elain giggling the entire time. You didn’t move even after you heard her bedroom door slam close.

You thought there was no way he could’ve hurt you more, but you had clearly underestimated him. How could he? How could he…act like that with you and then just carry on as if nothing happened? How could he just carry on with another girl after that charged night? You hand clenched the book you were holding as you struggled through your feelings.

Your already broken heart somehow found even more ways to tear itself apart. But unlike months ago when you had caught them in the same predicament and cried all through the night and eventually fled from Velaris, no tears came this time. No tears at all. Instead white hot anger burned through you instead.

You were tired of being captive to your own feelings. Tired of letting the stupid shadowsinger have so much power over you. You were so unbelievably tired of being constantly hurt by him. You couldn’t even use the excuse that he had no idea what he was doing to you when he had just made it so clear he did.

Your jaw tightened and you gave yourself over to the rage you felt. He had told you to stay away from him. So you would. But you sure as hell were about to make it impossibly hard for him to stay away from you.

─── ⋅ ∙ ∘ ☽ ༓ ☾ ∘ ⋅ ⋅ ───

The next two days, you did exactly that. You ignored Azriel entirely. Didn’t so much as look in his direction. At training each morning with the Valkyries, you made sure to have a sparring partner ready to go before he could even open his mouth and demand you train with him. You didn’t greet him, only hugged Cassian good-bye each day, and pretended you didn’t hear him when he would call out your name.

Meanwhile, you had spent your time in heated negotiations with your brother. You were ready to carve a place out for yourself in this court and after many discussions with him, Feyre and Mor, you three had reached a compromise. A certain letter that came from the continent had helped you plead your case.

And that is why when Rhys stood up at family dinner, clearing his throat to get everyone’s attention, you knew exactly what he was going to announce. You kept your hands folded in your lap, your shoulders held back, and your body angled away from the end of the table where the shadowsinger sat.

“Another announcement in a week?” Cassian laughed. “Don’t tell me Feyre’s having twins!”

Everyone chuckled as Nesta slapped him on the back of his head. He only grinned at his mate, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively. You smiled at their interaction despite the envy that crept its way into your head. Oh how you wished for that kind of love. Perhaps one day you would find your own mate and forget about the shadowsinger entirely.

“Gods no,” Feyre chuckled from beside Rhys who conjured a piece of parchment in his hand. “We come with some news from the continent.”

“I received some correspondence from Prince Cedric,” Rhys explained. “The King of Vallahan’s first born son and Heir to the Throne.”

“Go on, read it to them,” Mor said with a giddiness that caused you to smile.

Rhys read from the letter out loud:

To High Lord of the Night Court, Rhysand,

I am writing to you because I have had the pleasure of spending the past month in the company of your lovely sister, y/n. I must admit, your sister has charmed my heart with her kindness, grace, wit and loyalty to your court. We know very little of Prythian’s courts here on the continent, but if your sister is a shining example of your citizens, I must admit, I am all the more curious about your court. As you might know, I am next in line for the Crown and my time may be coming soon.

In a world dictated by power, alliances between territories have allowed for stability and peace. When my time to wear the crown comes, I would like it to also come with the forging of two strong realms. With the utmost sincerity and goodwill, I believe a union between our territories through marriage would not only reward me with a beautiful bride, but prosperity and peace between our people. I assure you, High Lord, that I will propose with sincere commitment to your sister, to give her a life filled with love and respect as my future Queen.

I understand that this is not a decision that will be made without proper communications, so I am prepared to meet with you at your earliest convenience to discuss this matter further. I hope you consider my request and I will remain with anticipation until you reach out.

Sincerely yours,

Prince Cedric of Vallahan

Heir to the Throne

A fork dropped on the table somewhere behind you and the room was silent for a moment before Cassian let out a loud whistle. “Holy shit, y/n!”

Mor cackled, reaching over the table to give you a high five. “That’s right, our girl bagged herself a Prince.”

Your cheeks turned a bit pink at the attention. To be honest, you had no idea that Prince Cedric had been captured by you. It wasn’t like you engaged in any romantic courting or even so much as touched each other's hands. But your mere personality had won him over. Too bad he just wasn’t the male your heart had set its course on.

“Not just a Prince, girl,” Amren chimed in. “A future King.”

You could feel a heavy gaze settle on you from the other side of the table but refused to look that way.

“And what about you, y/n?” Nesta asked. “Did the Prince win over your heart as well?”

“I must admit, the letter came as quite a surprise to me,” you answered honestly.

“To me, as well,” Mor jumped in. “I mean, it’s not like they spent much time together outside of the formal dinners and parties we attended while there. Unless, of course, you snuck off with him while I wasn’t watching, you naughty wench.”

You scoffed, crossing your arms over your chest. “I assure you, I was a proper lady during our time at the King’s Cross.”

“You certainly weren’t a proper lady during our time in Nysa,” Mor mumbled under her breath with a smirk. You kicked her under the table with a glare.

You couldn’t stop yourself from glancing at Azriel this time. He was already staring at you, his jaw set, his fist clenched around the stem of his wine glass. You could’ve sworn a bit of jealousy shined in his eyes. You quickly looked away, not wishing to show him you even cared about his reaction, though you did.

“Well, as fun as this is,” Cassian said. “There’s no way you’d marry off your sister to go live in another territory. Right, Rhys?”

Rhys looked inclined to agree but Feyre nudged him in the gut with her elbow. “If that is what she wishes, she will always have my blessing. It is her choice, of course. But a marriage is not the announcement I planned on making today. I merely read this letter to you all to show you how successful y/n has been as a representative of our court. And because of that, we have officially decided to not only give her the title of Emissary, but she is also going to take over Mor’s position in the Court of Nightmares since Mor has had her hands full with negotiations on the continent.”

“It's about time you let your sister prove herself as a valuable member of this court,” Amren said, the closest thing you’d ever get as a congratulations. She did give you a small smirk, pride shining in her silver eyes.

“She has always been a valuable member,” Cassian snided but smiled at you regardless. “If this is what you want, y/n, then congratulations! I’m glad I’ve taught you all the ways to kick ass, especially if you’re now going to be spending more time in Hewn City.”

You laughed but gave him your thanks. Feyre proposed a toast for you and you couldn’t keep the smile off your face for the rest of the night as they planned for announcing the shift in leadership to Hewn City. You had already bought your dress for the occasion, ready to make the shadowsinger eat his heart out. You even felt a bit vindicated as a certain male decided to spend the rest of his own night brooding in his shadows.

─── ⋅ ∙ ∘ ☽ ༓ ☾ ∘ ⋅ ⋅ ───

Azriel tossed and turned in his bed, unable to sleep. Both his mind and his shadows seemed to be in a permanent state of chaos ever since dinner. He couldn’t get the image of you smiling as Rhys read the Prince’s letter out of his mind. He had never considered the possibility of you leaving this court, had never thought Rhys would ever allow that.

He threw his sheets off, standing up and prowling towards the floor length mirror in the corner of his room. His eyes fell on the skin above his hip, on the small tattoo of Illyrian wings with a sword going straight through the middle of them.

He wished he could take truth-teller and slice that bit of skin right off his body. But even with its absence, the burden of it would never disappear. He let out a curse, pure rage racing through him. How could he have known things would turn out this way? How could he have known how much pain that tiny tattoo would eventually bring him?

His fist shot out, punching straight through the mirror. He was so angry he didn’t even feel the pain of the tiny shards of glass piercing his scarred flesh. Gods, this was all so fucked up. So incredibly fucked up.

His heart pounded as he thought about how you had felt pressed against him that night on your balcony. How your scent had driven him crazy. How stunning you had looked under the moonlight in that tiny nightgown. The Princess of Night was an accurate title for you and all your beauty.

He fell on his knees, the broken shards of glass crunching under his weight, letting the blood from his hand drip down on the floor. No pain would ever compare to the one he felt now. The pain of craving you. Craving the touch of your skin, the taste of your tongue, the moans he could drag from that pretty little mouth.

And Gods, the way you had looked at him. He had almost caved. Had almost decided to burn it all to the ground for one chance to taste you, feel you, claim you. But he couldn’t. So he went back to doing what he always had–keeping you at a distance. It hurt to do so, even more so whenever he saw how much it hurt you, but it was better this way. You needed to move on, needed to look for love elsewhere.

Life had always been unfair to him but this, this was quite possibly the worst of it. For he knew he would always yearn for you, crave you, love you—but only ever from a distance. Because for him, you…you had been made untouchable.

─── ⋅ ∙ ∘ ☽ ༓ ☾ ∘ ⋅ ⋅ ───

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raayllum · 4 months ago

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She Must Pay the Price, or A Drop of Mercy :: A Rayla and Leola Meta

Quick:

You're a young elven girl, and you show mercy and compassion to a human that you definitely weren't supposed to. When it's found out, you're punished, with elves even calling for your execution (6x09, book 1 novelization). Your father does what he can, but there's only so much. You're put on trial. You're found guilty regardless of intent, and only by association. You die for this; you die for them. You're a star. A guiding light. There's even a Great Fall off a precipice (though only one of you hits the ground).

Your name is Leola, or Rayla.

You're the beginning and the end, respectively.

So let's talk about it.

Tests of Love

For years, I had wondered where Aaravos' assessment of "Those who fail tests of love are simple animals. They deserve to be motivated by fear" (2x09) came from, cause you don't drop in a line like that if it's not going somewhere. It's quite a statement and worldview, after all. Now, with Leola's trial, it seems we know.

We can see, then, perhaps that Leola's gift giving was the first test of love — are you willing to break the Natural Law, the Natural Order of things? �� to help another? To show another a source of power in order to share, to be compassionate, and in Rayla's case, to be merciful (though we'll get more to that in a minute).

We also know that the love Leola had was powerful and all encompassing:

She didn't care to follow the order set in the stars. Though she was born an immortal being from the Heavens, she loved this world... and all its flaws. Her heart was warm and open.

And she befriended mortals. Animals, elves... and humans.

ETHARI: Who I love, where I love, what I love, are all specific. But to Runaan and those like your parents... love is rooted in all families, all creatures. Souls like that feel called to protect everyone as fiercely as those they hold close. (Bloodmoon Huntress)

Okay, so Leola and Rayla both have big compassionate hearts and befriend creatures from all over the place. So what? So do Callum, Ezran, Soren, and most of our other main good guy characters. Even Claudia to a degree (though she could work on not using magical creatures for spell parts).

Well, specifically, it's because of how they intersect currently more with anyone else on the concept of

Mercy

KOSMO: Daughter of the Moon, yours is a wondrous heart. In a moment of mercy, you sent ripples out into the ocean of time. Ripples that have not yet stilled. (6x05)

Rayla sparing Marcos, as noted in multiple interviews by the creators and by myself in previous metas, is ultimately the inciting incident / lynchpin of the entire series. Without it, there would've been no soulfang proposal or Ez running away to find the egg or any of the number of other elements that had to come together to make achieving peace possible.

While we still have details to discover regarding Aaravos' Fall and development of dark magic, we know that a lack of mercy was ultimately what sent him on his path of vengeance. Leola was not shown mercy, and while it seems there were already "flaws" for an imperfect world, things were (probably) better than they currently are in Xadia in a variety of ways. Then, to kick off the entire Saga, we have Rayla sparing Marcos in a soundtrack literally titled "Mercy" and have Kosmo, seasons and seasons later, spell out directly what a big deal this was for well, the ocean of time.

None of this is to say Rayla can't act out of revenge — she did ("when I first came here, I was on a mission for revenge") and she has ("but I became so obsessed with revenge"), much like Aaravos ("he isn't doing anything out of love, he's doing it for revenge") — but that her general compassion and love for others has always been stronger than her grief or rage, and that even when she had every social and personal reason to, she was and is fundamentally unable to hurt someone innocent.

Even when she's shamed or punished for it by herself or by others. RAYLA: The human looked up at me, and I saw the fear in his eyes. RUNAAN: Of course he was afraid, but you a job to do! (1x01)

EZRAN: Yeah, but then you saw he was scared, and you knew he was a person, just like you. RAYLA: That shouldn't have mattered. I had a job to do. (1x08)

The Cosmic Council — and to a degree, the Silvergrove — say that the reasonings or motivations, the intentions, behind Leola and Rayla's actions do not and should not matter when it comes out to doling 'Justice'. So Leola faces her justice, being literally killed in the one manner that can kill a Startouch elf, and so does Rayla, being metaphorically Ghosted / 'murdered' by her community, regardless.

Neither are enough to ultimately quell their light or their love/power, however.

A Star

RAYLA: That beautiful shining star you just pointed out? We call it Leola's Last Wish. (5x02)

So both Leola and Rayla are stars in season 6, literally and metaphorically respectively. Leola's is more self-explanatory, whereas Rayla's is mostly about the role she has in Callum's life as a guiding light and star. I don't think it's a coincidence, though, that just as Rayla placed Callum on his path of being a primal mage, though, that Leola did the same for humanity. I also don't think it's a coincidence that Callum's love for Rayla restores Callum's own light and agency amid Leola giving humanity the same through light and fire.

It happened long ago, when humans had only just learned to hold fire in their hands without burning. They nurtured their precious primal flames secretly—in the dark of night, beneath shadows and shrouds—as cultivating its glow drew the eyes and ire of monsters. Eventually, for the audacity of their fire, they were hunted, and—though they looked to the stars for salvation—the stars, too, looked down upon them with disdain. Humanity had been given something it was never meant to have. (TDP shorts, Ripples)

In this way, we see the manifestation of a repeating parallel of Rayla representing Leola, a gift giver of life, magic, light, unjustly punished/killed, and Callum representing humanity, looking to the kindest brightest star for guidance, magic, restoration, and salvation if he's just given the chance to grasp it. After all, presumably, Leola's last wish would have something to do with primal magic and humanity, and who represents that better than Callum, with two arcana under his belt and possibly more on the way? With that in mind, I want to return to another quote from earlier but with a different focus on

Ripples

Daughter of the Moon, yours is a wondrous heart. In a moment of mercy, you sent ripples out into the ocean of time. Ripples that have not yet stilled.

The wisest of the humans looked upon the water. His own reflection smiled back at him, and he dared to imagine what such power would feel like in his own hands, should he be allowed to hold it. Imagine, he thought, if I were more than what I am. With a trembling hand he touched the surface of the water. Ripples spread from his fingertips. [...] I hope the stars were watching. I hope they saw it: the moment their perfect reflections turned warped and ruined, churned to chaos by the touch of a single human hand. In this, the humans taught me another lesson. And so I touch the surface of the water. I watch the ripples spread.

Water in TDP is a strange beast, symbolically speaking. There are some more straight forward motifs (reflections, "don't try to control where the river [of life] goes, there's one thing you can know and control: yourself"). For Aaravos, it's connected to deep loss but also his own sense of patience in playing and winning his game, as illustrated above. For Rayla, it's linked to shame, self-reflection, bravery, and loss. Aaravos weeps and creates a sea upon losing Leola; Rayla says goodbye to her family by the lotus pond times three.

We don't know what water represents for Leola. Not distinctly, anyway. The best we can figure though, is that by following the through line of the Rayla and Leola parallels, that the ripples Leola wanted to send out or did send out — not the distortions caused by her father and his grief — are ones that Rayla received, and then continued.

Rayla has always been a foil to Aaravos, and this hasn't changed. She is the one who set Callum on the path initially of being a mage, which put him in Aaravos' machinations as prey; she retrieved his Key; and she's the reason Callum's done dark magic, twice. At the same time, much like the moon, Rayla carries Leola's light as much as she shoulders Aaravos' dark. She literally represents light in Callum's life, helps lead him through the darkness, and him being a primal mage and it's possible growth to other humans is the best possible thing that could've ever happened to Xadia.

Sol Regem says that "no one can save" Xadia or fix what is deeply broken. The Cosmic Council said that Leola had broken the Cosmic order and had to pay the price. Rayla has repeatedly been willing to pay the price for both hers and other's actions in hopes of making things right, of sparing others' pain. Sometimes to her detriment, but—if Rayla as Callum's one Truth could fix the darkness within him, if she's the lynchpin for breaking the Cycle, for bringing back Runaan and fixing her family's souls, in opposing and presenting mercy amid the Council's lack of mercy, in the face of Xadia's violence—

Then Rayla's act of mercy in 1x01, and potentially beyond in S7 with Callum, will be what fixes Xadia.

Leola's gift of magic is what 'broke' Xadia, and her execution is what literally did so, leading to the division of the continent. She wrongly paid the price in the absence of mercy and love. Rayla is therefore her thematic successor — welcomed this time as Light and Truth — as the carrier of Mercy and Love, and she will 'fix' Xadia through her ripples and dynamics. She will mend them back together. There will, at last, be no price to pay.

Misc. Thoughts / Predictions

One thing I was always curious about going forward into future seasons was the prospect of a 'trial' or reunification of the Silvergrove. It felt like a no-brainer the Silvergrove would have to change in order to reflect Runaan's character arc, much the way we see Katolis and the Sunfire elves change to better accommodate the new, more compassionate world order. Pre-S4 a trial felt a little strange as an idea, though post-S4 the parallels it could provide to the Lucia tribunal made more sense about why include either (or both).

However, Leola's trial seemed to hammer home the almost necessity (as this is still a prediction, after all, that may not happen) of Rayla and/or Runaan saying their peace to the Silvergrove leaders. This would be a great opportunity to provide a contrast to the Cosmic Council, reaffirming that Xadia is ultimately better than them because the Moonshadow elves and everyone else can change, and the Cosmic Council seemingly cannot or will not. But I guess we'll have to wait for S7 or beyond (#GiveUsTheSaga) to find out if this'll come to fruition or not.

I also wanted to touch on what we see with Leola ("I'm so scared!") and the repeated emphasis on "recognizing fear as a moment of empathy and personhood" and the horror that can come if you don't have that moment of recognition. This is something I've touched on before most notably as a striking difference between S1 Rayla and S5 Claudia, but I thought it was worth mentioning as S6 added to it specifically with Viren towards Soren and Lissa. This is another point in the "Rayla is an inversion of the Council's lack of mercy" column, as Leola's — a child's fear, and Aaravos willing to pay the price and take her place — earns her no mercy. Rayla, meanwhile, sees someone innocent that she has 'every right' to execute is afraid of her, and that strays her hand; it steadies her sword, and she spares him. Because if someone is afraid of you, it's worth asking yourself why, and what you might want to do instead.

Last but not least I wanted to talk about Leola's parallels to Callum and Ezran as well, since they are very much there (though yet not perhaps to the same extent).

Ezran has Leola's friendliness to animals and soft heart. He too is a child whose death is called for as a means of Justice, and he is granted mercy through Rayla and the discovery of the egg, able to live and grow and help usher in peace. He is, I think, what Leola might've been allowed to be if she'd lived in different times. Callum, meanwhile, carries the gift giving motif through his cube, staff, and tokens he both gives to (moon-phoenix bracelet) and receives (the moon opal necklace) from Rayla, and previous 'human-Leola' magic dynamic. Callum being able to break free fully from Aaravos' and dark magic's control in S7 and turn his eye instead to primal magic will be what helps bring true justice to Leola and hope for humanity / Xadia in righting the Cosmic Council's fundamental wrongdoing. Hopefully, anyway.

Conclusion

I hope you enjoyed this deep dive into some parallels and potential narrative goings-on between Leola and Rayla as characters. TDP loves its historical and ironic layers in TDP (Ez and the Orphan Queen, Viren's arc from S1 to S6) and I think this layered thematic dynamic between the two merciful young girls was a good, brilliant choice by the creative team. I'm excited to see where this thematic thread goes in the future and how it may continue to be woven into the story. As always, thank you for reading, and I'll see you in the next one.

#tdp rayla #tdp leola #tdp meta #tdp spoilers #the dragon prince #she must pay the price #s6 spoilers #multi #arc 1 #arc 2 #s6 #analysis series #analysis #parallels #rayla #leola

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zvtara-was-never-canon · 10 months ago

Note

Can you give examples of Aang showing Empathy? Oh wait, you can't.

Actually, I can - because unlike you, I base my opinion of the characters on the actual stuff that happened in the story, not the bad faith takes dumb people on the internet come up with.

Zuko literally only survived past book 1 because Aang was the ONLY person amongst the heroes that gave a single fuck about his well-being. Aang offered to be FRIENDS with him as early as episode 13, even though this dude is trying to kidnap him.

In the first damn episode we see him realize and try to remedy Katara's struggle with no longer being able to act like a kid and have fun. He wants to travel with her so SHE gets to learn waterbending. He willingly lets Zuko take him into his ship because he understood that a conflict could lead to the people of the water tribe getting hurt or killed.

In Warriors of Kyoshi he apologizes to Katara for letting all the praise and admiration go to this head. He makes sure to put out the fires Zuko and his crew started in Suki's village.

He tries to help remedy the Hei-Bai situation, even though he is unsure of himself and even scared, because he knows he is the only one that has any chance of helping - and the thing that allows him to connect with Hei-Bai is the fact that he is ALSO upset about the destruction the Fire Nation has caused AND hopeful that the world would eventually heal.

He thinks Jet is awesome because he wants to help people that are being oppressed by the Fire Nation - and then is horrified when he finds out his intension is to "free" them by killing everyone

He wants to help the two rival groups not only safely cross the Great Divide, but also stop hating each other.

He confesses that he hid the map to Hakoda because Bato, Katara and Sokka are showing how much they appreciate and trust him and he feels unworthy of it after what he did because he knows it'd hurt him if the roles were reversed.

He is so devastated by the fact that he ACCIDENTALLY hurt Katara that he swears to never firebend again. He is also able to recognize the same principle behind his mistake in Zhao's fighting style, allowing him to win the battle against the bastard.

He accepts the fact that the Northern Air Temple is now occupied by people who not only don't belong to his culture but also don't understand it and unknowingly destroyed something sacred to him (and that one of them had been forced to make weapons for the Fire Nation) because these people have nowhere else to go and he doesn't want them to suffer.

He is furious at Pakku for refusing to teach Katara waterbending, because he knows how much it'd mean to her and how unfair it is that she can't learn it just because of her gender.

He is so devastated by the death of the Moon Spirit that the Ocean Spirit latches onto him to avenge it and save the day - and the leve of destruction it causes haunts Aang, even though the violence was against his enemies. And still, he tries to go into the Avatar state again because people are dying and he can't accept that.

After the fall of Omashu, he wants to rescue Bumi, not because he needs a teacher, but because they're friends.

He felt empathy for Toph when she was explaining to her parents how lonely and unappriacted their over-protection made her feel.

He and Katara both feel bad for snapping at Toph during "The Chase" and wanted to apologize for not understanding that being part of a group was a radical change to her, even though she had refused to even try. He also didn't have a problem with fighting alongside Zuko and Iroh against Azula, AND he looked concerned when Iroh was injured.

After Katara comments on the fact he called Toph Sifu but not her, he calls her Sifu while bowing, to show that he respects her both as his master and friend.

The hopelessness and downright depression he was feeling after Appa was stolen only starts healing because he saw a couple being happy with their newborn baby - the same couple he decided to help cross the Serpent's Pass, even though he and his friends had just been allowed to take a much safer route to Ba Sing Se.

His understanding and sympathy towards Jet, even after everything the guy did, was so strong that it freed him from literal brainwashing.

He doesn't want to push his love for Katara aside to gain power because he cares about her too much - and then does it anyway because, even though not making her his main focus 24/7 offers the risk of her being hurt, him neglecting his mission guarantees she'll get hurt.

He is devastated to learn that the world thinks he is dead because he knows he was everyone's last hope - and yet in the end he still accepts the burden of failure because he understood that, at that moment, everyone would be safer if no one else knew he was still alive.

He goes to a Fire Nation school and bonds with the kids, wanting to give them a taste of freedom and joy, as well as trying to understand what the war is like from their perspective. The same episode also has him pull Katara for a dance because he noticed she was feeling left out.

The boy felt empathy for, and understood the mistakes of, both Ruko and Sozin. SOZIN. Aang could see the humanity in the monster that is responsible for him losing his entire culture and everyone he loved.

When Zuko spoke about wanting to control his impulses so he wouldn't accidentally hurt anyone, Aang explicitly connected with that struggle and saw them being teacher and student as fate, and Zuko agreed because that's how deep their connection was.

Aang is not happy about Katara wanting to murder a man, but he still lets her take Appa on her mission and is not disapproving when she ultimately spares the guy but does not forgive him and makes it clear she never will.

He feels empathy for freaking Ozai, to the point that refuses to kill the guy - even as he has the balls to say that Aang's family, his people, deserved to die. He spared that guy - but only after he had a way to do that without it meaning the death of more innocents. Aang, the pacifist, was going to turn his back on everything he believed in just to avoid more human suffering.

So yeah, miss me with your bullshit and don't come back until your brain is developed enough to understand a cartoon aimed at kindergarterners.

#anti zutara #pro aang

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ashherahh · 4 months ago

Text

what messages you need right now

Note: Please take it if it resonates, leave it if it doesn't. Meditate before making your decision. It's completely okay if you don't resonate with this reading. The collective is huge and I'm sure you'll receive the messages you need in due time.

pile 1

If everything worked out for you all the time, how would you ever grow?

This period of your life is calling you to cultivate a new perspective of not only yourself but your life as a whole.

I'm picking up the energy of someone who has always known what to do. Someone who made plans that always worked out for them. You never had to worry about things not working out because they always did. And now that you've found yourself in a rut of sorts and your plans are falling through, your confidence has gone down the metaphorical drain.

Spirit wants you to know that you have been blessed with being decisive and secure in yourself, you never had a reason to doubt your decision. This season is just meant to broaden that, to help you gain a deeper understanding of yourself. Your being called to become someone, who no matter what happens around you or what doesn't work out for you, you are still solid in who you are.

The time you spend focusing on this will pay off and I see you going on to achieve so much more than you could ever hope for.

pile 2

Your family is very important to you. You would do anything for them, and there's a situation taking place right now, with the more nurturing and maternal figure in your life.

You are so stressed and you're taking so much on your plate. I literally just want to hug you right now. I'm feeling this weight in my belly and my chest. The burden you carry is too much for one person. You are feeling so stuck. I literally feel like crying while doing this reading for you.

This is not the first time it's happening so no wonder you feel stuck. You keep pouring from your cup and you don't have the time to fill it or there's no one around to fill up your cup.

As hard as it will be do to, you are being called to create some balance. You are such a loyal person, it feels like you're betraying them by focusing on you because you feel they need your time and resources more than you do.

Spend time outside, do breath work, meditate, and do this consistently. If you can't make the decision now to create balance, at least find the time to breath and do some grounding exercises.

You can't be there for anyone else if you're not there for yourself first.

pile 3

Spiritually and emotionally, you are very strong but this is not reflecting in your physical world at the moment.

I see that your intuition is strong, but there's doubts, fears, you feel as though it can't possibly be true if it's from you. I'm seeing the word insecurity. I'm picking up on very, very intense emotions.

Do you doubt yourself because you rarely received affirmation?

I want you to know that not everyone needs to hear what you have to say. I say this because not everyone has the capacity to understand you. This pile is a very spiritual group of individuals, many of you had been outcasts because you couldn't connect with others.

You are still in your shell, you are still being moulded and transformed. It's a process that should be intimate, not everyone needs to know and not everyone needs to see.

Spiritual transformations are always intense because we wish someone could guide us. Some are fortunate enough to be blessed with that environment and with teachers, but if you are the first in your line, which I see many of you are, you will have to forge your own path.

The Moon is quite significant to you and in this process. Now is a good to take up following the Moon cycle.

#tarot #tarot readings #tarot community #tarotblr #pick a pile #pick a card #pick a card reading #witchblr #witch community #intuitive readings #intuitive messages #ashherahh

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kokoch4n3l · 3 months ago

Text

'•.¸♡BUY ME THE MOON࿐ྂ SANO "MIKEY" MANJIRO x f!READER

FOUR — i fall to pieces

chapter summary: You begin to unravel the truth behind your father's election victory, uncovering the extent of Manjiro's influence over not just the underworld, but the country itself. Kakucho does damage control.

chapter warnings: dark content 18+, inaccurate depiction of politics and political climate, corruption, bribery, objectification, suggestive themes, kissing, making out, cheating, infidelity, daddy issues, allusions to sex, non-descriptive panic attacks, alcohol use, intoxicated sex, grinding, MAJOR DUBCON, noncon elements, consensual-to-dubcon, cunnilingus, oral(f), spanking(once), squirting, virginity loss, fingering, noncon(?) somnophilia, multiple orgasms, no aftercare, self loathing

word count: 9439

masterlist | previous | chapter 5

You had always been aware your father wasn't a good man. It was just you never truly cared because it didn't affect you. He loved you and you knew it. Sure he couldn't interact with you in public but behind closed doors in the safety of the mansion, he was the best dad anyone could ask for.

You know your dad is involved in some shady shit, you know how much corruption has been done by him and you know how cruel and heartless he was.

Your father was one of the worst men alive and he loved you the most in the world.

"I messed up," Your father says, shifting so he's laying against your pillows next to you "Not really but... Kind of"

It was a bit odd hearing your father admit he messed up but you weren't complaining. "I got a little too greedy and somehow got wound up with Bonten" Shinichi recalls

You nod, processing his words. You always knew your father was involved in shady dealings, but hearing him admit to getting entangled with Bonten felt like a different level of danger. You lie down beside him, the intimacy of the moment contrasting sharply with the gravity of his confession. "What happened?" you ask softly, your curiosity piqued.

Shinichi sighs deeply, staring up at the ceiling as if replaying the events in his mind. "It started with a business deal," he begins. "I saw an opportunity to expand my influence, to solidify my power. Bonten was already a significant player in the underground world, and aligning with them seemed like a smart move."

You listen intently, your heart pounding as he continues. "At first, it was just about money and power," Shinichi explains, his voice tinged with regret. "But things quickly escalated. Bonten doesn't operate by the same rules as everyone else. Their methods are... ruthless. And once you're in, there's no easy way out."

You shiver at the thought, understanding the implications. "So, they found out about me because of your involvement with them?" you ask, seeking clarity.

Shinichi nods. "Yes. I tried to keep you hidden, to protect you from that world. But somehow, they found out. I underestimated their reach, and their ability to dig up secrets... They showed me a picture of you at your high school graduation and I freaked out and gave in."

A silence falls between you, the weight of his confession settling in. Despite everything, you can't help but feel a deep sense of love and protectiveness from your father. He had made mistakes, but his intentions were always to keep you safe. "Dad," you say softly, breaking the silence. "What do we do now?"

Shinichi turns to look at you, his eyes filled with determination. "We stay cautious," he replies firmly. "We keep a low profile and try to maintain the facade of normalcy. And most importantly, we stay together. I'll protect you, no matter what."

You nod, feeling a sense of resolve settle over you. Despite the danger and uncertainty, you trust your father. He may be flawed, but his love for you is unwavering. "Okay," you say, your voice steady. "But you're also the literal president now so... Are they holding me against you? Like are they saying they will reveal my existence to the public if you do something they don't like or don't play by their rules?"

Shinichi's face darkens slightly at your question, his eyes narrowing as he considers his response. "It's more complicated than that," he says slowly, his voice tinged with frustration. "They haven't directly threatened to reveal your existence or well... Kill you... but their influence is pervasive. They're like a shadow that hangs over everything I do, a constant reminder of the cost of my ambition."

You feel a chill run down your spine at his words. The realization that Bonten's reach extends even into the highest echelons of power is both terrifying and sobering. "So, what do we do?" you ask again, your voice trembling slightly despite your best efforts to stay composed.

Shinichi sighs deeply, his expression softening as he looks at you. "We play their game," he says quietly. "But we do it on our terms. I need to keep up appearances and maintain the facade of cooperation while finding ways to undermine their influence."

You gaze at him for a moment. You think about Manjiro when you first met him then the second time in the noodle shop and the whole 'incident' in his backseat then the 'thing' that happened in your room earlier when he was here. You can't help but wonder if Manjiro is using you to gain the upper hand over your father. To purposely make you feel things for him so he can dangle your heart over your father's head. It was a little sick to think about and even made you feel stupid for fantasizing about him for a whole month then let him right back in your room and between your legs. You try to shake off the unsettling thoughts, focusing instead on the immediate conversation with your father. "How can I help?" you ask, determined to be part of the solution rather than a passive victim.

Shinichi looks at you with a mix of pride and concern. "Just be yourself," he says gently. "Continue living your life as normally as possible. Your innocence is your greatest asset right now. If they think you're unaware of their games, they'll underestimate you, and that gives us an advantage."

You nod, understanding the strategy but feeling a twinge of guilt at the idea of pretending ignorance. "And what about Manjiro?" you ask cautiously, your voice betraying the conflicted emotions you feel toward him. "Is he...using me?"

Shinichi's eyes narrow slightly, a flicker of anger crossing his face. "Manjiro Sano is a complicated man," he admits. "He's ruthless and ambitious, but he's also capable of loyalty and genuine emotions. It's hard to say where his true intentions lie."

You bite your lip, feeling a knot of anxiety in your stomach. "Dad... What were they burning in the backyard the night of the election?"

Shinichi sucks in a breath and says "Ballots"

You stare at your father, your mind racing as you process his words. "Ballots?" you repeat, your voice barely above a whisper.

The implications of his confession weigh heavily on you. Shinichi nods, his expression grim. "Yes, ballots," he confirms. "There were irregularities, and we couldn't afford for them to be discovered. The stakes were too high."

The room feels colder, the air thick with the gravity of his admission. You realize now just how deeply your father's corruption runs, how far he's willing to go to maintain his power. The image of the loving father who always protected you clashes violently with the ruthless politician willing to destroy evidence to secure his position. To make things even worse he hadn't even actually won. Saimori Shinichi cheated and it wasn't just an everyday game. It was the fucking presidential election. "But... Dad," you stammer, trying to reconcile the man before you with the actions he's confessed to. "What if someone finds out? What if they use this against you?"

Shinichi sighs deeply, rubbing his temples as if trying to ward off a headache. "That's why we need to be even more careful," he says. "We can't afford any mistakes. We need to keep up appearances, and we need to make sure Bonten doesn't have any more leverage over us than they already do."

You nod slowly, the weight of your father's world settling on your shoulders. "I understand," you say quietly, though the words feel hollow. "I'll do my best."

Shinichi reaches out and takes your hand, his grip firm but comforting. "I know you will," he says softly. "And I'll do everything in my power to keep you safe. No matter what happens, remember that."

You nod again, squeezing his hand in return. "I will, Dad."

It's right that moment you decide that if Sano Manjiro is playing you, you'll play him as well.

It takes 2 weeks for you to become somewhat close to the top members of Bonten. Honestly speaking though, you don't see Manjiro as much as you see Kokonoi Hajime, the group's financial adviser. He's in charge of all the money and is one of the main reasons Bonten is so rich. The other executives call him Koko and because you're a brat and could care less about formalities, you call him that too. He doesn't really care about it.

Koko comes over to the mansion a lot, usually with his laptop in tow. He sits in your room at your desk while you idly lay back on your bed and work on your embroidery work which was due soon. Moments with Koko are pretty quiet and it's actually quite nice. You don't feel lonely anymore that was for sure. He doesn't talk much about his past, rather about Bonten itself but all of what he says you have already read about online. One evening, as the sun dips below the horizon, painting your room in shades of orange and pink, Koko looks up from his laptop, breaking the comfortable silence. "You're getting better at that," he remarks, nodding toward your embroidery.

You glance at your work, a delicate pattern of flowers taking shape beneath your fingers. "Thanks," you reply, a small smile tugging at your lips. "It's relaxing."

Koko leans back in his chair, stretching his arms above his head. "I can see why. Sometimes I wish my job was that peaceful."

You chuckle softly, setting your embroidery aside for a moment. "I doubt you would last long in a quiet life, Koko. You seem to thrive on the chaos."

He smirks, conceding your point. "True enough. But still, it's nice to have moments like these. Away from all the noise and the... complications."

You nod in agreement, feeling a pang of longing for simpler times. You saw Koko the most because he mostly worked on his computer. He didn't do 'fieldwork' like the rest of the executives or whatever that meant. Mikey as boss had a bunch of meetings so of course you didn't get to see him as often. It was annoying though. It's kind of like waiting for an item you want to come back in stock. But you don't wait for things. Sano Manjiro is like a pretty design you've reserved for yourself. Or at least, you're attempting to. "Yeah, it's nice. Thanks for keeping me company, Koko."

He waves off your gratitude with a dismissive hand. "Don't mention it. Besides, you're a good distraction from the numbers. And..." he pauses, his expression becoming more serious. "It's good to keep an eye on you."

You raise an eyebrow, curious about the shift in his tone. "Is that really why you're here? To keep an eye on me?"

Koko meets your gaze, his eyes revealing a flicker of something unspoken. "Partly," he admits. "But also because I enjoy our conversations. You're... different from the rest of your... family."

Before you can respond or even internalize his words, the door to your room swings open, and Manjiro steps inside, his presence immediately commanding attention. He looks between you and Koko, a faint smirk playing on his lips. "Interrupting something?" he asks his tone light but with an edge of curiosity and something else a little darker

Koko stands, closing his laptop and gathering his things. "Just wrapping up," he replies smoothly. "I'll see you later, princess."

You nod, watching as Koko exits the room, leaving you alone with Manjiro. The air feels charged with unspoken tension, and you can't help but feel a mixture of anticipation and wariness. Manjiro steps closer, his gaze locking onto yours. "You've been busy," he remarks, his voice low and intense. "Making friends with my associates."

You sit up on your bed, the pillows and fluffy white and pink sheets shifting. "'m makin' friends 'Jiro," you reply, the nickname rolling off your tongue smoothly "Is that a problem?"

He chuckles softly, his eyes never leaving yours. "Not at all," he says. "In fact, I think it's quite impressive. But remember, [Y/N]... in this world, everyone has an agenda."

You smile sweetly, masking the turmoil within. You so badly want to ask what he really wants from you but you keep those thoughts to yourself. "I know," you say, remembering your father's words about Manjiro and the rest of Bonten "And I have my own too."

Manjiro's eyes narrow slightly, a glimmer of intrigue dancing in their depths. "Is that so?" he murmurs, stepping even closer until he's mere inches from you. "Then perhaps we should find out just how well our agendas align."

The tension between you crackles like a live wire, and you realize that the game you're playing with Manjiro is far from over—

Before you know it, the fabric you were working the needle into is set aside on your bedside table and you're lowered into your pillows. Manjiro's lips meet yours and you sigh into his mouth, head going fuzzy from just the slightest touch of his lips against yours.

—In fact, it might just be beginning.

You've never actually been to Bonten Headquarters.

You've searched the building up online and found other articles directing you to other businesses they owned and all the shady rumours about them too. The building itself was an imposing structure, a stark contrast to the sleek, modern skyscrapers that surrounded it. It was a fortress of sorts, heavily guarded and shrouded in an air of mystery and danger.

Bonten— led by Sano Manjiro who was rumoured to have led two biker gangs in his youth during the early 2000s. One of the two biker gangs is what turned into what Bonten is today. There is no information available online about any family history except for a younger sister who was murdered in February 2006. Online forums have very differing opinions about Sano. Some say he murdered a bunch of people, others claim he's your typical businessman with a little bit of corruption and tax evasion on the side like any other. There was one thing everyone agreed on though.

Sano Manjiro has never been photographed and even if the press or anyone somehow snaps a picture and uploads it, the picture is gone in seconds. Only a few have even seen Sano's face but everyone can agree that man is handsome. The allure of Sano Manjiro's enigmatic presence only intensifies your determination to unravel his secrets. With every whispered rumour and shadowy detail, you find yourself more entangled in the web of mystery that surrounds him.

It's a brisk afternoon when you finally get your chance to visit Bonten Headquarters. You're driven in a sleek black car, the tinted windows shielding you from prying eyes. As you approach the building, its imposing structure looms over you, a testament to the power and influence of Bonten. You had decided to skip your afternoon classes immediately after Manjiro offered for you to come visit him and he sent you a car after you texted your driver not to come get you from school.

You arrive at the headquarters early in the evening, the building looming over you like a sentinel. It's a stark reminder of the power Bonten holds and the delicate balance you're trying to maintain. The entrance is guarded by several intimidating men in dark suits, their expressions unreadable. Inside, the atmosphere is a blend of modern luxury and old-world opulence. Polished marble floors, sleek metal accents, and expensive artwork line the halls. The air is filled with a sense of purpose, the sound of hushed conversations and the occasional clink of glassware creating a symphony of controlled chaos. The lobby is vast and luxurious, every detail meticulously designed to project wealth and influence. You approach the reception desk, where a stern-looking woman eyes you with suspicion. "I'm here to see Sano Manjiro" you say, your voice steady despite the butterflies in your stomach.

You're so clearly out of place in your little two-piece outfit you actually made yourself. It was a cream-coloured satin wrap-around skirt and cropped loose-ish satin blouse in the same cream colour with three buttons in the center and bell sleeves you were very proud of making and a ribbon tying your hair back. Unlike the other ladies working here with their sleek black heels, you were wearing off white platform heels with bows on the front and white socks. Needless to say, you were kind of out of place in the professional environment. You fiddle with the necklace Manjiro gifted you as the receptionist looks at you up and down. Part of you wants to snap at her but you also don't blame her. You look like a damn teenager despite being 20 years old. "Mr. Sano doesn't take walk-in appointments." She says in a professional tone

You resist the urge to roll your eyes, maintaining your composure. "I'm not a walk-in," you reply calmly, meeting her gaze. "He invited me."

The receptionist raises an eyebrow, clearly skeptical. "And you are?"

Before you could respond someone behind you speaks up and the receptionist straightens her shoulders before bowing. "Hey Kid"

You turn around to see Mochizuki Kanji and a few bodyguards. Mochizuki Kanji, called Mochi by the other executives, is one of the other top eight executives of Bonten. "whatcha' doin' down here? Do you not have a keycard to go up?" He asks

You smile weakly as the attention of the other employees is turned to you. "u-uh no..."

Mochi was an odd person in your opinion. He was super tall, bulky, kind of had anger issues but he was pretty nice to you. He reminded you of this one guard you had at the mansion when you were younger. His intense presence is softened by a kind demeanour when it comes to you, making him one of the few Bonten members you feel relatively at ease with. Mochi looks at the receptionist, who immediately understands the gravity of the situation. "Miss, my apologies," the receptionist says, her tone now deferential. "I'll escort you upstairs immediately."

Mochi shakes his head, waving off her offer. "I'll take her up myself." He gestures for you to follow, and you fall into step beside him, grateful for the intervention.

As you make your way to the elevator, you can't help but notice the curious glances from the other employees. They all have no idea who you are. Online forums say Manjiro does occasionally have women comes to his office or there are women spotted coming to his office but you did not match the description of them. You were an anomaly. Once inside the elevator, Mochi presses the button for the top floor, the penthouse where Manjiro's office is located. "You know," Mochi says, breaking the silence, "it's not every day we get visitors like you. You're special."

You glance up at him, trying to gauge his expression. "Special how?"

Mochi chuckles, a deep, rumbling sound. "Let's just say you're the first girl to get this much attention from Mikey in a long time."

Your heart practically sings at Mochi's revelation. The first girl in a long time? Oh, how you hope Manjiro isn't actually using you. This was all kind of cute and makes you feel like a schoolgirl with a crush. You haven't felt this way since well... Ever. The elevator doors open, and you step out into a lavish hallway. The floors are a rich, dark wood, and the walls are adorned with elegant artwork. It's a stark contrast to the cold, impersonal feel of the lobby. Mochi leads you to a set of double doors at the end of the hall and knocks once before pushing them open. The room you enter is spacious and bathed in the warm glow of the setting sun. Floor-to-ceiling windows offer a breathtaking view of the city skyline. Manjiro is seated behind a massive mahogany desk, his attention fixed on some documents spread out before him. He looks up and you can't help but let your mind wander. "Mochi" Manjiro greets his colleague with no smile, no expression whatsoever

Mochi just grunts before he leaves you alone with Manjiro in his office. Manjiro's black suit jacket is on one of the couches in his office as well as his tie. His silk black dress shirt highlights the muscles you can see ripping beneath his skin and the top few buttons are undone exposing some of his chest. He looks... hot. His white hair is in its usual middle part style, sweeping against his brows and you resist the urge to walk over and brush a strand behind his ear. You internally sigh. He's so pretty. You stand there for a moment, taking in the sight of Manjiro, his intense gaze fixed on you. The office, with its lavish décor and breathtaking view, fades into the background as you focus on the man before you. Manjiro's expression softens slightly as he watches you, a small, almost imperceptible smile playing on his lips. "whatcha' standing over there for, sweet girl?" He says then pats his lap "C'mere"

Your heart skips a beat at his invitation, and you hesitate for only a moment before walking towards him. The butterflies in your stomach intensify with each step, the anticipation building as you walk around his large desk. When you reach him, Manjiro's hands rest gently on your waist, guiding you to sit on his lap. His touch is firm yet tender, sending a shiver down your spine. You settle into his lap, your legs draped over one arm of the chair. His hands remain on your waist, holding you securely. The intimacy of the moment is overwhelming, and you find yourself momentarily lost in his dark, enigmatic eyes. Oh gosh, he's so pretty. Manjiro's gaze roams over your face as if memorizing every detail. "You're quite a sight, you know that?" he murmurs, his voice a low, soothing rumble.

You blush, feeling the heat rise to your cheeks. "Thank you," you reply softly, your fingers lightly tracing the contours of his chest through his shirt.

"How was your day?" he asks, his voice a low murmur in your ear.

The intimacy of the moment makes your pulse quicken, and you have to remind yourself to breathe. "It was... good," you reply, trying to keep your voice steady.

Manjiro is looking at you in a way that makes heat pool in your lower belly. When he looks away he straightens out your clothes, tugging your satin skirt down your thighs. "I hope you didn't have anything planned for the evening. I know it was very sudden that I asked you to come here" Manjiro says

You feel a rush of warmth at his touch, his hands smoothing down your skirt with care. The sensation sends a tingling thrill through you, and you find yourself leaning slightly into his touch. His proximity, his scent—everything about him envelops you in a heady mix of desire and curiosity. "No, I didn't have any plans," you reply softly, your voice barely above a whisper. "I wanted to see you."

Manjiro's lips curl into a knowing smile, his thumb brushing lightly against your cheek. "I'm glad you're here," he murmurs, his voice husky. "I've been thinking about you."

Your heart skips a beat at his words, the intensity in his eyes igniting a fire within you. "What have you been thinking about?" you ask, your voice breathless.

He leans closer, his breath ghosting over your lips. "About how much I want to kiss you," he confesses, his voice a seductive murmur.

Before you can respond, he closes the distance between you, his lips capturing yours in a kiss that steals your breath away. His kiss is both gentle and firm, a tantalizing dance of passion and restraint. You melt into him, your hands finding their way to his shoulders, fingers curling into the fabric of his shirt. The kiss deepens, becoming a shared moment of longing and desire. When he finally pulls back, you're left breathless, your heart racing. His forehead rests against yours, his hands still gently holding you. "You drive me crazy, you know that?" he murmurs, his voice a low, reverent whisper.

A mix of emotions swirls within you—desire, uncertainty, and a growing sense of attachment. "You... you have that effect on me too," you admit, your voice barely audible.

Manjiro smiles with genuine warmth in his eyes. Something tells you it's been a long time since he's smiled like that. "Good," he says softly, brushing his thumb across your cheek. "I want you to stay."

You nod, unable to resist the pull of his gaze. "I want to stay," you reply, your voice filled with unspoken promises.

He kisses you again, more deeply this time as if sealing an unspoken pact between you. The kiss lingers, a testament to the growing connection between you and Manjiro. In that moment, amidst the opulence of his office and the city lights twinkling outside, you realize that you're no longer just a pawn in a game. You're a player, willingly entangled in a web of desire and ambition. Perhaps beyond helping out your dad, you really did like Manjiro. He's not like how girls online who claim to have met him describe him to be but rather he's a lot better. "let's get these off, hm" Manjiro says and with ease, reaches over to your ankles and undos the buckles of your heels, letting them drop to the floor with a thud.

You feel the cool air against your now bare feet, the sensation grounding you in the reality of the moment. Manjiro's hands linger on your ankles, his touch sending shivers up your spine. His gaze shifts back to your face, and you can see the hunger in his eyes. "You look so much more comfortable now," he murmurs, his hands sliding up your legs to rest on your thighs.

His touch is electrifying, and you feel a surge of desire wash over you. As he pulls you closer, your bodies pressed together, you let out a soft sigh, leaning into his warmth, head on his shoulder. His fingers trace patterns on your thighs, the sensation both soothing and intoxicating. You can feel the tension building between you, a potent mix of anticipation and longing. "I have a meeting soon," he says, his voice tinged with reluctance as he begins to tug the cream-coloured ribbon out of your hair, letting it down. "But I want you to wait for me here. We'll have dinner together afterward."

You smile, feeling a rush of warmth at his words. "I'd like that."

Manjiro ties the ribbon he pulled out of your hair around his wrist. You're about to get off his lap but that's when there is a knock on his door. "Boss" It's Sanzu with the businessmen Bonten was doing a deal with

Manjiro narrows his eyes for a moment then says "Oh wait, the meeting is happening in my office"

That was how you ended up on the floor, sitting by Mikey's legs hiding from the businessmen he was meeting with in his office. The large wooden desk hides you from view. The sound of footsteps and hushed conversations fills the room as the businessmen enter, and you huddle closer to Manjiro's legs, your heart racing. Manjiro's hand rests reassuringly on your head for a brief moment, a silent promise of protection. From your hidden vantage point, you can only catch glimpses of the men's polished shoes as they take their seats in front of Manjiro on the other side of his desk. Their voices are low, carrying an air of authority and urgency. Manjiro's tone shifts, becoming more formal and commanding. "Gentlemen," he begins, "thank you for coming. Let's get down to business."

The meeting unfolds with a meticulous discussion of figures, strategies, and agreements. You can't follow all the specifics, but you can sense the gravity of the topics being discussed. Occasionally, Manjiro's leg brushes against you, a subtle reminder of your presence and his control over the situation. Despite the seriousness of the meeting, you find a strange sense of calm in the small space beneath the desk. It's intimate, almost as if Manjiro is shielding you from the harsh realities of his world. You listen intently, trying to piece together the puzzle of his empire.

Eventually though, very quickly actually, you get bored. Manjiro's fingers are tangled in your hair as you rest your head against his knee. You're doing your best to stay quiet and still, but the boredom begins to weigh on you. The conversation above drones on, punctuated by the occasional clink of glasses or the shuffle of papers. Manjiro's steady presence is your only anchor in the otherwise mundane environment.

As the meeting continues, you start to tune out the specifics, instead focusing on the rhythm of Manjiro's fingers in your hair. The gentle, repetitive motion is soothing, a stark contrast to the intense, business-like atmosphere surrounding you. You glance up occasionally, catching glimpses of Manjiro's serious expression, his eyes sharp and focused. You shift slightly, trying to find a more comfortable position without drawing attention to yourself. Manjiro's hand tightens briefly in your hair, a silent reminder to stay still. You suppress a sigh, resigning yourself to your current situation. So, you pull out your phone instead.

You keep scrolling through your phone, trying to distract yourself from the prolonged meeting. The more you browse, the more you find yourself adding items to your online shopping cart—clothes, accessories, and other small luxuries you've been wanting. Each addition brings a fleeting moment of excitement, though it is quickly overshadowed by the realization that your wallet is out of reach. Lost in the world of online shopping, you momentarily forget your surroundings. The quiet murmur of voices and the occasional clinking of glass continue to provide a background hum to your activity. You feel Manjiro's fingers give your hair a gentle tug, snapping you back to the present. You look up, and although his expression remains composed, there's a hint of amusement in his eyes.

You kind of feel like a little puppy sitting by his legs like this while he pets your head. It feels odd. Despite the oddness, there's a comfort in the moment, a strange blend of intimacy and authority that defines your relationship with Manjiro. You don't really understand exactly what your relationship with him is, but you sure as hell figured out how he wants you to be for him.

Innocent.

Manjiro's fingers continue to weave through your hair, the soft, repetitive motion almost lulling you into a trance. But beneath the gentle caress, there's a tension—a feeling that something more is expected of you. The way he holds you close, the way his eyes darken with every passing second you remain in this submissive position, it all points to a desire for something pure, untouched—innocent.

You shift slightly, trying to ease the growing discomfort in your legs from sitting on the cold floor for so long. His grip tightens in response, not painful, but enough to remind you of his control. You don't need to look up to know he's watching you, waiting for you to make any small move that might betray your thoughts.

Manjiro wants someone innocent. Someone who can be molded, shaped to fit the vision he has in his mind. And you're all too aware that, in his eyes, you're exactly that—his innocent little toy, hidden away from the harsh realities of his world. But beneath his seemingly protective actions, you sense something darker, more possessive. It's as if he's carefully crafted this image of innocence for you to embody, a role you're expected to play to perfection.

You're not naïve. You know that this innocence he craves isn't for your protection—it's for his own twisted satisfaction. The way he watches you, the way he treats you like something delicate, it all hints at his deeper, more sinister intentions. He wants to keep you untainted, not out of care, but because it gives him a certain power, a control that feeds into his darker desires. The thought sends a shiver down your spine, but you don't dare show it. Instead, you play the part, allowing him to see what he wants—a docile, compliant girl who needs his guidance and protection. But deep down, you're wary, cautious of where this path might lead. You've seen glimpses of his world, the ruthless decisions, the calculated moves, and you can't ignore the growing unease in your gut.

His thumb brushes against your cheek, pulling you back into the present. You glance up at him, and for a moment, your eyes meet. There's a flicker of something in his gaze—possessiveness, a hint of something darker that you can't quite place. You force a small smile, pretending not to notice, but your heart beats faster, a silent warning that you're treading dangerous waters.

As the meeting continues, you lean into his touch, playing along with the innocence he so desperately wants from you. But in the back of your mind, you're already planning your next move, wondering how long you can keep up this charade before he sees through it—or worse, before you lose yourself in the role he's cast you in.

The ride back to his penthouse is a blur. Hazy streetlights of orange and red, then bright white lights of the lobby as you make way to the elevator, arm linked with his. You floats through it your heels seemingly not on the tiled floors. You feel kind of... Drunk? Maybe. After the dumb meeting Manjiro coaxed you to drink Whiskey or whatever was in his glass. You had never been able to hold your drink very well. But then again, you never drank much in the first place. You always looked ugly as hell in the morning so why do something that make you look undesireable?

There's something wet on your neck other than the beads of sweat rolling down on your flesh. You try to move your head, but can't move away when something is pulling your hair, baring more skin to the onslaught of bites, marking you. Breaking flesh. Bruising in the indent of teeth that are soothed by open-mouthed kisses and a brush of warm air. You struggle out of the hold, trying to release yourself from Manjiro, an unfamiliar weight that suffocates you. You can't even grasp at who or how, your body lifted like a ragdoll from the ground, your thigh slinging on the Manjiro's arm, the other hoisted up around the man's waist, cupping your ass.

You hitches a breath, whiny and begging please's, when the man grinds the bulge of his cock against you clothed cunt, pushing the smoothness of your silk skirt and the zipper of his tailored trousers digging on your clit, cotton fabric of underwear pushed deeply on your slicked slit, rubbing tight, raw— hears the squelches, of how wet you are as hips keep grinding on. You cry, the inside of your thighs shaking, toes curling inside your heels as your cunt throbs, belly clenching as you feel yourself come. "S-stop," you moan wetly

You find your hands working, clutching fistfuls of hair to tug it away from your wounded neck. Pushing again, you feel your heel-clad feet touch the carpet, the man steadying you with a grasp on your waist. "What's wrong, sweet girl? Did something hurt?" His voice makes you want to cry

It sounds so concerned, so familiarly deep, resonating in your chest and echoing in your ears. Fuck fuck, you're too hyper-aware of your own breathing, the way your chest moves up and down and the way your heart is hammering in your chest. "No—it's just—I... I don't—" you stutter, your next breath faltering to a half-broken sob

You close your eyes, tears prickling at bay, feeling despondent shame when you shouldn't really feel like this, the bubbling anxieties clouding your mind, your rationality. Why does... why do you feel... your emotions are all jumbled in a mess, puzzle pieces thrown out shaken. You didn't know you were sobbing, not until there was a hand gently brushing your hair, and thin yet lean arms wrapping around you. "Shh, it's okay." lean arms wind around you, tethering you in place.

You feel more grounded when a hand snakes around your neck, your thumb tracing the soft lines of your jaw, and the little tremble of your bottom lip. "Breathe for me, baby." Manjiro hushes your cries, the other hand rubbing back and forth on your spine.

You breathe and Manjiro smiles, "That's it, you're doing good."

You feel hot, nuzzling with the hand that cradles his face, tears still clinging to your eyelashes. It's the first time someone calls you good for just breathing properly. Fuck did that make you feel nice. "You okay now?"

You attempted to respond, but only a jumble of incoherent sounds escaped your lips. You flush when you nod, which makes the yakuza boss chuckle. Your lips meet in another kiss, one slower, more tender — a soft press, gentle in the way your lips mould together. You open your eyes when you finally part, the older man plants a quick peck on your forehead, asking, "Are you sure you're doing fine?"

You nod once more which earns you a coo from the man. "Let me hear you, sweet girl..."

"I'm..." You hiccup. "I'm okay now."

Manjiro smiles, you can't quite see it, but it's there. Then he kneels down, palming your thighs. "Can you still give me a taste?"

You didn't hesitate to nod, a soft yeah repeating on your lips as the older man strips you of your lace panties, sliding them down your legs. Leaning against the wall, half plastered and half being carried, your thighs are spread once more, Manjiro lifting one thigh over his shoulder. You try to remember just how you ended up at Manjiro's penthouse. You remember your father's words of being careful around him but you should have thought of that when you drank out of Manjiro's glass. Eventually, the older man lifts you up a bit so he can kneel properly. "You're so wet," he breathes out.

A palm massaging the underside of your thigh, fingers lining around the edges of your skirt, damp with your own slick and your come. Manjiro's slight stubble is rough against your skin, chafing your skin. He kisses your cunt like how he marks you. Hungered and wanton, swallowing you. When the man pulled back a bit, you bit the inside of you cheek, another strained moan bouncing on the walls. Manjiro's head disappears under your skirt. The noises are much filthier when thumbs spread your lips apart, and it didn't take another long second before Manjiro took another peck on your pelvis, underneath your belly button. A quick kiss like he did with your forehead. It did something to you, the tenderness before the dive before the man wolfs you with his mouth. "What a pretty cunt you have, sweet girl. Seen it so many times but still can't get enough"

Manjiro eats you as if you're an oasis, and he is dehydrated. He sucks on your clit, pressing hard, using his tongue in ways that you didn't know existed. You squeeze your thighs shut around his head, but Manjiro grunts, a slap on your ass as a warning, before it wraps around you, bruising on your waist as your feet lift from the ground and he pervades your insides, thrusting in and out of your hole, humming like you're a treat to be savoured. "P-Please, I can't, you need to..." Your hand clenching over Manjiro's hair the other somewhere beside you, trying to grasp the wall.

You didn't know how many minutes had passed by, the clock in front of you blurring. Pussy dripping over your thighs, to the line of your butt— you feel your belly tightening, that familiar edge that you lines over— until your body is pulled taut, back arching off the wall when you reach another peak, squirting all over the man's face. Manjiro's mouth stayed on your mound, overwhelming you with sensations that borderlines sharp and hurtful. Marking his way up on the insides of your thighs, trailing kisses before digging his teeth and that made you wail. "You okay?" Manjiro asks as he pulls himself from your cunt, rubbing circles with his thumb on your thigh, slick shiny on his chin.

You can only hum in response, hugging Manjiro as he stands up. Manjiro moves again, your body was all boneless and heavy-limp as he carries you over. You bounce on the bed, another breath catching in your throat as Manjiro kisses you, tasting yourself— salty, musky and a tinged bit of sweet. You don't like the taste, but you like how it's being forced to linger on your tongue as Manjiro invades your mouth. Before you know it, your top is being pulled enough for the man to tug down your bra and latch onto your nipple, sinking his teeth around it. The other is being pulled and played with. Another assault on your torso, lines and patterns of marks, of mouth sucking in flesh, painting it red— and you moan through it all. "Look at you," Manjiro says. "You're made for this."

Then there's a finger sinking inside you, then another, rubbing over you, scissoring you open... something metal getting caught in your hole, smoother than the callouses— a ring. It kind of hurts and you want him to take it off but all the words are stuck in your throat. The simple ring makes you feel a little sick all of a sudden. It's on the left hand of his ring finger. What? "... so good for me." Another bite, another deep indent on skin

Manjiro sits up, palming himself. You hear the rustle of clothes and a zipper opening. Your thighs are pried open, hands smoothing on your sides, making you subdued.

Then there's something sliding on the line of your pussy, wet noises slicking. Then you're being broken in, a hole too small for something too big. You're too shocked to even let out anything, let alone scream as your mouth opens wide for just silence. You couldn't breathe, couldn't place yourself if this is real. If the pain is just a fever dream, a memory not true— You're a virgin, Manjiro isn't. This is your first — the stretch, the pain, the reassurance that you need as Manjiro brushes your hair away from your face. It's too much. "Breathe, sweet girl... you're clenching me so tight."

Manjiro works inside you slowly, achingly. The expanse of your hole, knees shaking with each slow push. You couldn't even flutter your hole for how stretched you are, how wide you must be gaping to accommodate something that huge, that thick. Your crop top clings around your neck, nipples still pebbled in the heated air. You find your voice again, gasping in between, "Ngh... g-gentle, please."

"Of course, sweet girl." A promise, a tell-tale sign that you could trust him, that you could let go — then you arch again when Manjiro buries himself entirely, a brutal thrust that makes you completely forget about the ring on his left ring finger

You feel like your insides are being rearranged as Manjiro penetrates you, then pulls himself into a rhythm you don't know. It's like something inside you is getting caught that it goes with the man's cock, pulling outside of your cunt—

Your nipple is getting abused, Manjiro's mouth biting again—

Thrusting in then out until you climaxed again and you don't want anything inside you anymore because it hurts, you can't keep going—

It keeps going... and you must have said stop a lot of times—

"You won't leave me, right, baby?" Then your body flips over, your stomach on the sheets— "You're mine to play with— mine to fuck—"

You can only cry in response.

(You wake up, face pressed flush on the pillow, with your body rocking back and forth. Eyelids fluttering open, drool cascading down your cheek and chin. The pillow is wet, not damp, soaking through the cotton along with the warm sweat. Sleep clings to your brain, head heady as your body steadily moves against the sheet by another body on top of you.

A familiar weight, heavy and too hot that Manjiro's sweat sticks against the friction. Rough breaths and grunts blow right above your head. You feel full, a pressure in your belly, something moving inside you too deep, too big. The painful stretch is back, sliding slowly in and out. Feels like minutes, hours, hooking in something that makes you jolt, a kiss on your cervix that makes you cry. That dread that pools inside your womb, the abuse of your cunt breaking into the shape of Manjiro's cock—

Manjiro shushes you, trying to calm the raging beats of your heart as you choke on your whimpers, sobbing as your cunt quivers. Your hands grip the sheets, toes pointing, and you're too tired to fight, too tired to say stop when pleasure brings you to orgasm again and again, until you hear a murmur, a vibration on your back, and a kiss on your temple—

Such a good girl — another grinding thrust, another pressure inside your cunt and you feel full again—

—a good girl only for me. )

You wake up, eyes blurring and your head feeling like it was splitting open. Blinking your eyes open, you watch the blur clear into an unfamiliar ceiling. Too plain, devoid of your white canopy and crown moulding around the perimeter and the chandelier you have up in your room. You close your eyes, not thinking about anything because of your headache but then you feel it— the pain all over your body, fragments of what you did the night before comes rushing back, causing your head to ache even more.

Then, you look beside you and realize the space in the bed is empty and cold. You make attempts to move, curling upwards to sit— but fuck, it hurts. Everything really, really hurts. The pain radiates through your body, each movement reminding you of the events from the night before. The sheets feel rough against your skin, foreign, and you can't shake the feeling of wrongness that clings to you like a second skin. As you manage to sit up, you wince, every inch of you protesting the motion. The room spins slightly, your headache intensifying, but it's nothing compared to the heaviness in your chest.

Manjiro’s penthouse is silent, save for the distant hum of the city outside. The space beside you is cold, the imprint of his body long gone. Your heart sinks as you realize that you're alone. You glance around, the stark, minimalistic decor of his room adding to the emptiness you feel inside. It’s nothing like the romantic scenes you once imagined—soft sheets, warm bodies entwined in mutual affection. No, this is far from what you fantasized your first time would be like.

You wrap the sheet around your body, trying to cover yourself, as if that could shield you from the raw reality of what just happened. The events of the night flood your mind in disjointed flashes—Manjiro’s rough hands on your skin, the way he moved, the sensation of being overpowered. It wasn’t what you wanted, not really. You had hoped for something gentle, something meaningful. But what you got was far from it.

Self-loathing begins to settle in, heavy and suffocating. You can’t help but think that this is your fault. You let it happen. You let him take you in a moment of weakness, of misplaced trust. And now, the aftermath is like a stain you can’t wash away, a mark on your soul that you’re not sure you’ll ever be able to erase. The way he treated you, so rough, so careless—it makes you feel small, used, and insignificant.

Tears prick at your eyes, but you refuse to let them fall. You knew what you were getting into when you got involved with Manjiro, or at least you thought you did. But the reality is so much harsher than you could have ever imagined. You wanted to be close to him, to be someone he cherished, but now you’re not even sure what you are to him. A plaything? A distraction? The thought twists in your gut, making you feel even more hollow.

You glance down at yourself, at the bruises forming on your skin, evidence of the roughness you endured. It makes you sick to your stomach. You feel dirty and tainted as if his touch has left a permanent mark on you that you’ll never be able to scrub away. You wanted your first time to be special, to be with someone who loved you, but all you’re left with is this—an empty bed in an unfamiliar room and a deep, gnawing regret. You were a rich kid but you were also hidden away. You can have secret affairs like the ones in the movies. You thought this would be exactly that. A steamy but love filled passionate encounter and you'd wake up next to him giggling like a child while he smothers your face with kisses and asks if you're hungry.

But no.

Manjiro is not here.

The silence in the penthouse is deafening, amplifying the echo of your self-loathing. You feel like a stain, something ugly and unwanted. No matter how much you try to rationalize it, to tell yourself that this is what you chose, the reality is that you feel broken. You curl into yourself, hugging your knees to your chest, trying to find some comfort in the small space you occupy, but it does nothing to ease the pain, both physical and emotional.

The fantasy you once had of love, of intimacy, has been shattered, replaced by this cold, empty reality. There is a knock on the door and for a moment you hope it's Manjiro but why would he knock on his own bedroom door? In enters Kakucho instead. He's holding a bag and has a small smile on his face. "hey sweetheart" he enters cautiously, like you’re a hurt child

Kakucho closes the door behind him and sits down in front of you, cups your cheek and kisses your temple like a child too. He's treating you like a child and it's on purpose. Kakucho’s gentle touch feels like a stark contrast to everything you’ve just been through. His presence, so calm and tender, makes your chest ache even more. You can see it in his eyes—he knows. He knows what happened, and the way he’s treating you only deepens your sense of shame. It’s like he’s confirming what you already fear: that you’re broken, something to be pitied. “Hey, sweetheart,” he says again, his voice soft, almost as if he’s afraid you’ll shatter if he speaks any louder.

His hand lingers on your cheek, warm and steady, a grounding touch that you desperately want to lean into but can't. The small smile he gives you is meant to be comforting, but it only makes you feel more fragile. Kakucho was here to be damage control probably. For what? For Manjiro leaving? Maybe. You don't know, you don't care. You just wanted Manjiro here in the morning with you. It wasn't like you were asking him to buy you the moon. You just wanted him to stay and you thought that would be given considering he took your virginity but apparently not. You had been at his office sitting at his feet like a puppy, then in his lap drinking out of a crystal cup then underneath him like a damn whore.

You try to speak, but the words catch in your throat, strangled by the lump of emotions that refuses to let you breathe. Kakucho doesn’t push; he just waits, his presence a silent reassurance that he’s here for you. But it’s not what you want. You don’t want to be coddled, to be treated like a child who doesn’t understand what’s happening. You want to be strong, to brush off the pain and the disappointment, but you can’t. Not with the way he’s looking at you, not with the way he’s making it clear that he sees you as something that needs to be taken care of. Kakucho places the bag down beside him, but you barely notice. Your mind is too tangled in the mess of feelings swirling inside you. He shifts closer, pulling you into a soft embrace. The warmth of his body against yours should be comforting, but instead, it only serves as a reminder of what you didn’t get—what you thought you would have with Manjiro. “It's okay,” Kakucho whispers, his breath warm against your ear. “I’m here.”

His words should be a balm, but they only deepen the wound. You don’t want him to be here. You want Manjiro. You want the version of him you built up in your head, the one who would have held you afterward, who would have made you feel loved, wanted, and cherished. But that Manjiro doesn’t exist, and all you have is the cold reality of what happened. Kakucho pulls back slightly, searching your eyes with a look of concern. “I brought you some things,” he says, nodding toward the bag. “Clothes, some painkillers... whatever you need. It's a good thing I know all the products you use, hm? Woke up early to bring 'em all for you”

You glance at the bag, but it feels distant, and unimportant. Everything feels distant. The pain in your body, the bruises, the emptiness inside—they all blend together into a haze that you can’t quite shake off. Kakucho’s kindness, his attempt to care for you, only makes you feel more like a burden, like someone who needs to be fixed. You once again feel like the damn stain Kaya and her mother treat you like. You’re not sure how long you sit there in silence, wrapped in Kakucho’s embrace. Time seems to lose meaning, each second stretching out into an eternity. All you can think about is how you ended up here, in this place, in this situation. The fantasy you had is gone, replaced by the harsh light of reality, and it’s so much worse than you ever imagined. Eventually, Kakucho pulls away, his eyes still filled with that same concern. “You should get cleaned up,” he suggests gently, brushing a stray lock of hair from your face. “You’ll feel better. Then we'll get some food and I'll take you home”

You nod mechanically, though you don’t really believe him. You don’t think anything will make you feel better. But you force yourself to move, to stand up on shaky legs, to accept the clothes Kakucho offers you from the bag. As you do, you catch a glimpse of yourself in the mirror across the room, and the sight makes you freeze.

You barely recognize the person staring back at you. Your hair is a mess, your eyes red and swollen, and the bruises on your skin stand out like dark, ugly marks against your pale flesh. You look like a ghost, haunted by the memories of the night before, and the sight makes you feel sick all over again. Never in your life have you ever let yourself look like that.

This ugly.

(never will you let yourself look like this again)

Kakucho follows your gaze, and you see the flicker of sadness in his eyes. He knows what you’re seeing, what you’re feeling. But he doesn’t say anything. Instead, he gently guides you toward the bathroom, his hand steady on your back.

You hesitate at the threshold, the thought of being alone with your reflection unbearable. But Kakucho is there, his presence a steady reassurance that you’re not entirely alone, even if it feels that way. You take a deep breath, steeling yourself, and step into the bathroom, closing the door behind you.

As you strip off the sheet and step under the hot spray of the shower, you try to wash away the stains of the night before—the bruises, the memories, the regret. But no matter how hard you scrub, the feeling lingers, a constant reminder that some stains can’t be washed away.

notes: chapter four has finally seen the light of day! I just want to say I accidently wrote the smut in third pov while imagining someone else as reader so if at any point you come across any terms that describe reader's body, skin, hair, etc. that is not inclusive, please let me know so I can change it :) I edited it the best I could but don't hesitate to lmk.

Also there was going to be a Kaya appearance in this chapter but I decided against it. My original intention with this series has changes btw but the ending will still be somewhat the same.

anyways,,, no aftercare on screen from Manjiro but kind of aftercare from kakucho??? you win some you lose some I guess 🤷‍♀️ I listened to Cherry by Lana Del Ray while writing the smut scene and the whole thing with Kakucho. I would apologize for the shitty pacing of this chapter but honestly, I could care less. I know most of it is pretty vague but then again, are you ever actually aware of your surroundings or what is going on when your heart is being torn apart?

I hope you enjoyed this chapter :)

likes, comments and reblogs are greatly appreciated <3

taglist: @m-ilkiee @reiners-milkbiddies @short-cxke @brisssaaa009 @tenjikusstuff4 @asirensrage @fushiquro @iwasei @kiwixpi @mysouleaten @luminouslaybyrinth @merrymerrykiss @maraya-007 @dolfiins-art @yuyu12mm @kodzubaby @zantetsuwu @hayatisyourlife @bachiraslvr @bontensbabygirl @intheafterall @otakugurl2099 @kawaiikoalagarden @killcxm @kannaaa015 @forestycore @waterfal-ling

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marvelstoriesepic · 29 days ago

Text

Angstober (day 17)

Pairing: Endgame!Bucky x Reader

Prompt: “Shhh…”

Word Count: 3.4k

Warnings: allusions to deep depression; very slight mention of suicidal thoughts; mentions of an eating disorder (neglecting food due to mental health problems); sad!Reader; sad and desperate!Bucky

Author's note: I'm so late, so sorry!! Actually planned on ending this way more angsty but I just couldn’t. Hope you still like it!

Angstober Masterlist

Not that you’re counting, but it has been 14 nights now. Two weeks. Nearly 340 hours since Bucky returned. He came back, along with everyone else who had vanished for five long years. But nothing else seemed nearly as significant as the feeling of seeing him again - the man you loved before the blip, during the blip, and thereafter.

Obviously, this was supposed to be a moment of pure, unadulterated joy. And it was for a moment. But you never felt the weight fall off you, that great release where all your problems just go away and nothing is left but love, relief, lightness - the kind of peace you can finally sink into.

But peace is far from what you feel.

You carry something in your gut; a stone lodged deep, heavy, and smooth to the touch but sharp on impact, that pushes your insides down and twists the knots in your belly into nausea. It’s guilt. So thick and visceral, it hurts, your body trying to reject it, to shake it, but you can’t breathe it away.

Because it’s also the 14th night of you leaving the warm and cozy embrace of two arms - one flesh, one metal - and the feeling of a chest pressed against your body just to sit out on the balcony, the exact same you spent ceaseless and lonely nights on when the world had emptied itself of Bucky Barnes.

Back when this place was only yours for the better part of the blip. With an old armchair placed to overlook the stars and form changing moon blinking at you from the blackness overhead. As if each of those tiny bright dots stood for something specific.

Bucky is asleep inside the bedroom, you’re supposed to be in right now. Wrapped safely in his arms, surrounded by the comfort of having him back. But the truth is, this comfort you should feel suffocates you.

You’re frozen. Stuck between two worlds. The one where you lost him, where you had to endure five long years without him, and the one where he returned as though no time had passed at all.

Five years living without him just for him to return to earth within the blink of an eye as if it was nothing. As if the time spent alone wasn’t agony in the worst sense of the word. As if your suffering didn’t even happen and everything just went back to normal in seconds.

You don’t know how to react. You don’t know how to be normal again. How can you just slip back into a love that feels like it was frozen in time for him but battered and painful for you?

It hasn’t been easy for anyone, you’re aware of that. Disappearing or not. Suddenly re-entering a world that had moved on without you, a world you never knew you even left, is a scary thought. But, honestly, it’s so much worse for Bucky. Your stomach, again, churns in pain.

Bucky has already lost so much of his life, trapped in decades he was never meant to live, a ghost haunting the wrong era. The world keeps slipping through his fingers, time moving around him while he’s frozen in place. Literally even. And now there goes another five years.

But you just can’t turn your head off. And you hate yourself for it.

The truth is, you’re not the same person you were when you met Bucky, started dating him - the one he fell in love with. A bright spirit, an effervescent soul, full of light, energy, softness, with a laugh that was infectious. That version of you is gone, taken by the same breeze that took Bucky years ago. What’s left was a hollow shell, lost in the grief of your greatest love story.

Time wore you down, erode pieces of you that you didn’t even realize were fading away until there was hardly anything left. Just bare bones of who you once were - a thin foundation, fragile, with crumbs already falling to your darkest depths, ready to be swept away for good.

How can you possibly go back to the person Bucky expects you to be? How can you pretend to be the version of yourself he fell in love with when it doesn’t exist anymore? When what’s left of her is irredeemable, too far gone to be resurrected?

You’re certain you’ll only end up disappointing him. If you haven’t already.

Fourteen nights you’ve been out here, on this balcony, sitting in that chair, wrapped in the dark, keeping yourself apart from him when you know you should be beside him. When all you ever wanted was to be beside him again.

Thirteen of those nights, Bucky has noticed your absence. The first night he found you out here, sitting in silence, you nearly snapped at him, frustration and confusion at the way you feel bubbling up so fiercely, you didn’t know how to contain it.

You told him to leave you alone. Insisted on it for so long until he finally, reluctantly relented, slowly retreating back inside with a tremble in his breath and clenched fingers. You knew he would respect your request. You also found out that he didn’t sleep a wink that night, since you didn’t come back to bed, wearing circles under his eyes that matched yours as he made you some breakfast in the morning you barely ended up stomaching.

Since then, you haven’t asked him to leave. Though you don’t really engage him in conversation either, only letting him linger. His presence is gentle, never pressing, always so patient, but it doesn’t make it easier. If only, it worsens the guilt, its fingers tightening around your chest, digging into your skin painfully. You don’t know how to let him back in, not when you’re still so tangled up in the person you’ve become - someone so worn-down, you don’t recognize yourself anymore, afraid to be confronted with the harrowing reality by looking in a mirror.

And every night, you wonder, silently asking the night sky, how much longer it’ll be before he realizes that the person he loves is someone he lost.

You’re waiting. Waiting for him to notice that this new version of you isn’t enough.

Every time, Bucky comes out to you, bringing you something - blankets, jackets, his hoodies, a cup of tea still steaming in his hands, or thick socks to warm your feet. He gets you all the things you never thought to grab in your rush to escape to the balcony, to get lost in the night air that bites into your skin but usually feels oddly comforting in its coldness. The chill always manages to give you a small sting of reality.

You never make the first move to wrap the blankets around yourself or pull any of the clothing items on, so Bucky usually does it for you. And he’s nothing but kind. Patient and soft in ways that almost hurt to witness. It’s in his eyes, in the way he watches you, never pushing too hard, never demanding more than you can give.

But his worry is etched into every corner of him like he is carrying it in his very bones. It’s heavy on his brows, weighing them down in a furrow that never seems to ease, lips pressed into a slight frown that tugs at the corners even when he tries to soothe it out.

It’s in the way his hands twitch, as if he’s fighting the urge to reach out and pull you close, but stops himself because he’s unsure if you want him to. He’s constantly walking that fine line, balancing between the space you seem to want and the need to be there, to comfort you, troubled with his own helplessness.

It’s in every considerate gesture, every thoughtful thing he does to make sure you’re okay, or at least giving you a sense of solace.

And yet, you can’t bring yourself to really talk to him. To explain what’s going on in your mind. To voice the fear that now lives there and which places it travels and where it settles down, lodging itself deep into your conscience, roots spreading and festering.

There’s no way to explain what drives you out here night after night, sitting in the darkness while your returned love waits for you inside.

It’s not that you don’t want to. God, you want to more than anything. But the words just won’t come, not making it past the lump in your throat. You’re trapped in a loop of thoughts; confusion, and guilt guiding them to twirl in your head like an indecipherable storm.

How do you even begin to explain that the person he’s so worried about isn’t really there anymore; that you’re afraid you’ve changed too much; that you’re not sure how to go back to the way things were, or if you even can? So while you remain silent, your mind races and your heart aches with the weight of everything you can’t say.

There are so many ghosts in his life and you don’t want to count yourself as another. But you don’t have it in you to do something about it.

As expected, the door to the balcony opens, quietly, slowly. It gets shorter, you notice. The time it takes him to realize you’re gone. As if he instinctively wakes up the second you leave his embrace. As if he barely has to stir to know you’re missing, to feel the cold, empty space where your warmth should be.

You wish he had given you just a little more time. Woke up just a little later. Nausea pools in your gut.

“Sweetheart.”

You pick up his whisper. You intended to ignore it, just as you had intended to ignore the quiet shuffle of his steps, the way he appeared in your peripherals like he always does. But the way his voice reflects so much of a fragility you can’t and don’t want to describe, your head lifts almost on autopilot, responding to him before your mind can even catch up.

He’s crouching down to your level in front of the chair you’re perched on, carefully lowering himself to your eye level. You hadn’t even acknowledged the bowl of pasta he brought until he set it down on the small table next to you, food you hadn’t even glanced at all day. As well as the blanket draped over his forearm he now deliberately wraps you up in. His hands linger on your arms longer than needed until he almost reluctantly pulls away.

He doesn’t take his eyes off you. Not for a second. Gaze so intense and solid, it undoes you. They’re filled with everything you try to run from, everything you try to bury deep inside yourself, everything you try to hide from.

You avert your eyes at the new wave of pain that tears right through your chest, intended to knock you off that chair, perhaps even off that balcony. Your silence is wearing on him and you know. You know that his brows are creased in worry, that his hands are trembling as they grab onto his knees to prevent himself from reaching out to you because he thinks that’s not what you want. That his touch is unwanted. His lips are pressed together as if holding back the flood of words he’s too afraid to say out loud.

Still, you don’t open your mouth. You don’t move closer to him to feel some of his warmth. You don’t look at him. All you do is let him down, night after night, as he watches you drift further away.

From yourself.

From him.

“Please eat something, love.”

His pleading voice again reaches you with the force of a knife, thrown straight to your heart, tearing through the blanket, your thin clothes, your skin, to embed itself into the organ that once held something so precious. A love so fierce, not only for the man in front of you but for the woman he fell for. For the woman that’s now lost in a body filled with coldness.

“Not hungry.” The words fall flat from your lips, monotone, your voice as hollow as you feel inside. There’s no weight behind them, no energy. They’re the same words you’ve been giving him all day, all week - really, for two weeks straight.

Actually, you haven’t been hungry in what feels like forever. The idea of eating, of caring for your body, feels so distant, so unimportant, perhaps even ludicrous, that you’ve stopped thinking about it entirely. Your stomach knots itself in protest but the thought of offering sustenance to your weary body pales in significance amidst whatever storm is brewing inside your mind.

Bucky never relents. Never gives up. Never stops trying.

But it’s heavy on him.

The pained sigh that ripples through his body, drags his shoulders down, his entire frame. His desperation is so evident, it’s standing out like a light that wants the attention of the darkness around you. His pain almost echoes like a sound, ringing in your ears.

He bows his head, squeezing his eyes shut for a moment.

Another stab. Another twist of the knife, that never really leaves your body anymore. It’s always sharp. Always intense. Always piercing. Because it never ceases to hurt when Bucky is in pain.

And he’s in pain because of you.

It’s always because of you.

His despair now is an extension of the love that triumphed against odds, yet now feels so misplaced, so undeserving in the wreckage that was left behind.

Every line of his body screams misery and it’s so unlike Bucky to carry it so openly. He’s not able to stop his hands from shaking, even though he’s clenching them into fists that leave his skin white. He’s not able to ease the tension in his jaw, the way his breath catches as though he’s holding back more words, more pleas, more desperation.

You know it’s your fault. You know this is a love he still holds for a person that doesn’t deserve it anymore. He holds on so tight. So fierce. And that’s what hurts the most.

A new sensation wells up, one you had consciously buried for the past 14 nights. One you hadn’t let yourself feel every time you got lost out here. It grips your throat, wraps itself around it, and squeezes, cutting off the flow of air. It’s choking you, as if in triumph, confronting the tidal surges of emotion you’ve been holding back for so long. It stings behind your eyes, making them swell and burn as tears form faster than you can stop them.

The sob that forms in your belly takes shape in a revolting way and you can’t grasp it properly.

So, when it finally escapes, it’s heart-wrenching. The sound rips from your chest violently and guttural, tearing through your lips before you can do anything to keep it inside. Your hand flies to your mouth, desperate to stifle it, but it’s useless.

Bucky’s head snaps up with so much vigor, and he stumbles in his rush to reach you, arms shooting up, eyes wide with alarm. His hands move toward you without hesitation, disregarding the fragile boundaries you had set, the cautious distance he believed you’d wanted.

You’re shaking, shoulders trembling with the power of the cries that rack through your body and he pulls you against him.

He cradles your head against his chest, his other arm pulling you closer, closer, closer. His grip is so full of anguish, holding onto you like his very life depends on it, his warmth fighting against the chill that’s been living inside you for such a long time.

Your sobs come harder, sounds muffled by the fabric of his hoodie. Bucky tries to hold you tighter, letting you crumble against him.

Minutes stretch out and your cries don’t let up. Each breath you take is painful, rough, and with every shudder that convulses your body, Bucky grasps you firmer.

“Shhh… it’s okay, baby, I got you.” His voice sounds so soft but frail, hoarse with the effort of keeping himself composed. He keeps whispering, though his words tremble on his lips as if he’s battling the same ache that’s threatening to break him apart all the same. His face is buried in the crook of your neck, and you can feel his breath against your skin, shaky and uneven, trying so hard to be the anchor you need.

“Shhh…” he breathes again, but there are tears in his tone. He’s holding on so solidly, gripping you as if letting go would mean losing you entirely.

“I’m sorry,” you cry, the words tumbling out over and over because it’s all your scrambled mind manages. It’s the only thing that feels true in the mess of your awareness. The silence, the distance, the weight you’ve placed on him, on his shoulders, which should be free from burden after the hell he’s been through. He’s only just come back from five years of being lost to the world, and now you’re drowning him in your own grief. And that makes your tears come without control, the guilt crushing.

“I’m so sorry,” you sob again, the only thing you can offer. An apology isn’t enough but it’s all you have. Because you don’t know if you’re supposed to hold onto the hope that maybe, one day, he’ll forgive you for being too much, for not being who he needs anymore.

Bucky shakes his head against yours, strong, fast; his breath broken. “No,” he breathes, rough and thick. “No, baby, don’t apologize. There’s nothing to apologize for.”

Squeezing your eyes shut, you try to drown out his voice. He’s too nice. Too sweet. Too forgiving. Too patient. Too Bucky.

Shaking your head, you grip onto him. “You should leave me.” It’s louder than anything you’ve said the whole night. It’s more resolute. It sounds more like you, but it still doesn’t seem to come from you. Because never in seven years did you believe those words would ever make it past your lips. Would ever even be formed in your mind.

Bucky pulls back. Not harshly, but urgently, in a panic, determined. His hands cradle your face and he only moves his head away a little to get a better look at you. His eyes, wet and glassy, lock onto yours, filled with pain so stabbing it matches your own. But there is a resolution in his eyes, a firmness in the small glimmer of blue.

He shakes his head as if something is breaking in him.

“Don’t say that. Don’t ever say that,” he whispers, his thumb brushing away the tears on your cheeks that keep rolling down even as his own spill over. His touch is so gentle, so tender, so loving and you feel the guilt that settled deep inside you in a war with the longing you had felt for so long. The longing to feel his touch in a way that always knocked the breath straight out of your lungs. The longing to have his eyes sear right through you as if you’re the only thing in the world that holds worth.

“This isn’t your fault,” he continues. “None of this is your fault, Y/n! Alright? Nothing you could do would make me leave you. Hear me when I say this, my love. Hear me when I say that I'm here. And I'll stay.”

A sad, wobbly smile tugs at the corners of his mouth. “There’s no getting rid of me, sweetheart. Nothing you could do would ever scare me away.”

Something cracks open inside you. His words, his touch, his gaze, everything is so full of love. And even if it’s just a little, the compressing weight of guilt loosens. It will take many more nights for it to completely leave you but Bucky will walk this road with you. You’re sure; because in his eyes, the way he holds you against him, you finally see that he’s not asking for the person you used to be. He’s asking for you, as you are, as you’ve become, broken pieces and all.

He’s still loving you with a depth your guilt could never reach.

#angstober2024 #angstober 2024 #day 17 #marvel mcu #marvel bucky barnes #bucky fic #bucky barnes x reader angst #bucky barnes angst #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes

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profoundbondfanfic · 26 days ago

Note

Hey I have been looking for Dark Dean and Castiel fics where Dean is OBSESSED with Castiel do you have any recommendations?

Hey hey! Sorry for the delay, but I hope these recs are welcomed now just in time for Halloween.

A bit of a warning though -- some of these fics get really dark and involve very intense subjects so pls mind the tags before reading these.

all that’s sacred comes from youth by fullvoid (Mature, 8k words)

Teenage Dean has a dark, possessive streak he hides well. But when he and Cas agree to get married at age 35 if neither of them has by then, he finds he can't quite just leave it at that and spends years stalking Cas from the shadows and sabotaging every relationship he starts. Or Dean, in love with his best friend Cas and obsessed with a pact they made when they were 17 years old, gets rid of his boyfriends one by one through escalating means.

Between Love and Agony by Duckyboos (Explicit, 53k words)

Dean Winchester is in love. Like, bonafide heart eyes and deep sighs, hung-the-moon love. There's just one problem: the lucky guy is his husband's identical twin, Castiel. The two of them have been having a kinky affair for years, burrowing under each other’s skin and setting up camp. Which is why, after Castiel goes missing, Dean’s about ready to tear the world apart looking for him. When Castiel eventually returns to him, he’s been through literal hell, managing to drag himself out, bloody and raw, for Dean. Together, they discover a way to make Castiel whole again — though the price will be gruesome… and there will certainly be hell to pay.

CONventional Psychopathy 'Verse by Mayalaen (Explicit, 441k words)

Castiel Novak is a Cleaner. One of the agency's best. He and his Handler, Dean Winchester, have a high success rate in a world where the worst criminals aren't imprisoned for their crimes, but instead are captured by licensed serial killers who dispose of them, doing what they do best while getting paid for it. Cas doesn't form attachments, doesn't leave himself open for a risk like that, but Dean wormed his way into Cas' life and into his house. Does Dean realize what falling in love with a serial killer really means?

Do Anything For You by ImYourHoneyBee (Explicit, 7k words)

“How’re you feeling?” his earlier worry and fear have faded into the background because of how freaking good Jimmy looks right now, but that’s the thing to ask. Besides, even if he was planning on killing him soon, propriety has to be observed. Dean has a reputation to uphold as a fine, upstanding citizen in this city. Patrick Bateman wishes he was as smooth as Dean is. “Better than the guy who hit me,” Jimmy tells him with uncharacteristic bluntness, nodding toward the curtained-off bed, “I overheard the doctors saying he flatlined around the same time I did.” “Oh shit,” Dean says, glancing over to try and mask the sick roil that sets up shop in his stomach. “He make it?” The ghost of a smile plays over Jimmy’s chapped lips, “He’s in a better place now.” x The one where Cas's soul takes over Jimmy's body.

Free to Be You and Me by jhoom (Explicit, 49k words) --- This says incomplete but it's a satisfying ending so we think the author just didn't close it out.

Dean lost his parents in a fire when he was younger, and he’s never been the same since. Based on the prompt: "I was ten years old when I witnessed the murder of my entire family. The police told me that the person I saw commit the crime was a figment of my imagination - a result of the trauma - but I couldn’t let it rest. In a strange way, they saved me - with everyone else gone I might have gone to pieces, but I HAD to find the killer, so I held it together, I got through school, I rose through the ranks of detective, and now finally, finally, I’m on their trail. I have to find them. I have to meet them. I have to tell them that I love them."

Hello Night by almaasi (Explicit, 11k words)

Demon!Dean/Priest!Cas AU. Castiel summons Dean to the crossroads, and he only wants one thing: him.

Make Me by saltnhalo (Explicit, 4k words)

A beautiful man on a motorbike shows up at Castiel's business with a t-shirt that says Make me and a smirk that could put the devil to shame. How is Castiel possibly meant to resist?

Monsters by Miss_Lv (Explicit, 11k words)

Castiel prayed to God, to help them, to save them. God never answered. But Dean did. It was the monster who saved Castiel, not God.

Seven Heavenly Virtues by Strixes (Explicit, 108k words)

The Mark of Cain turns Dean into a demon once more. Dean is adamant that this time he's found a way to keep the mark under control but it's clear to Castiel that Dean needs help if he's going to fight the mark's influence until they can find a way to get rid of it. More than anything Castiel wants to save him, but if anyone needs to be saved it's Castiel as he tries to navigate where Dean ends and the Mark of Cain begins.

The Prodigal Bond by vipjuly (Explicit, 68k words)

In exchange for conjugal visits, Dean Winchester gives FBI Supervisory Special Agent Castiel Novak all the dirt he needs to bring down national crime rings. It's a tit-for-tat situation; primal, animalistic, and probably ten kinds of illegal. When a case is revealed to be closer to Castiel than what he considers safe, he and Dean must work together to make sure that Crowley goes down for good. Will Castiel be able to keep Dean at arm's length, or will the charming convict finally get what he's been asking for all along? What lengths will Castiel go to... at Dean's behest?

These Violent Delights by SomethingBlue42, xfancyfranart (Explicit, 43k words)

Dean Winchester, war vet and functioning alcoholic with a life that’s going nowhere, takes a job at Baltimore Hospital for the Criminally Insane. Dean had never heard of Dr. Castiel Novak notorious serial killer and cannibal given he’d been dodging bullets and performing field triage during Novak’s sensational trial. Seasoned orderly Rufus lays out the rules: Do not touch the glass. Do not approach the glass. You pass him nothing but soft paper - no pencils, no pens. Use the sliding food carrier only, no exceptions. If he attempts to pass you anything, do not accept it. And most importantly: don't tell him anything personal. But Dean was never much for following the rules and Castiel has a way of making Dean feel like he isn’t the grade-a loser his hot-shot FBI agent brother thinks he is. Then, a senator’s daughter goes missing, setting forth a chain of events that put Dean on a path that forces him to choose where his loyalties lie and just how far he’s willing to walk into the dark.

This Tainted Love You've Given by LazarusRose, xfancyfranart (Explicit, 17k words)

Everyone has their hobbies—Dean’s just happens to involve a lot more blood and screaming than most people’s. And sure, maybe murder isn’t the nicest way to blow off steam, but Dean’s always thought that being nice is overrated anyway. His latest victim, a pretty guy with startling blue eyes, should be nothing special, just another nameless body on Dean’s list. But then, after Dean kills and buries him, he turns back up at Dean’s house again the next day. What’s a guy to do when they’ve accidentally gotten an immortal witch convinced that they’ve got some kind of profound bond?

Happy Halloween!!👻🎃

#asks #group rec #horror #dark #fuckup!dean #fuckup!castiel #murder husbands #halloween celebration

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stawbeemilk · 8 months ago

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⤷ relationship headcanons – hq

✩ characters: hinata, bokuto, tendou

✩ warnings: f!reader

✩ a/n: i had so much fun writing the first part so i'm doing more!! i love these three so much it's actually insane

⭑ hinata

⤷ you two are so cute together it's almost sickening, you're definitely that couple who everyone is lowkey jealous of because of how utterly infatuated you are with each other

⤷ hinata literally adores you so much, he sometimes annoys his friends and teammates because of how much he talks about you

⤷ he tries to dial it back but he can't help it, he just loves you so much— you and volleyball occupy pretty much all of his thoughts <3

⤷ hinata is literally a ray of sunshine, he always knows how to make you feel better when you're having a bad day

⤷ likes to send you good morning and good night texts when the two of you are apart, it's his way of showing you that he's thinking of you

⤷ he definitely prefers to be the little spoon when cuddling, but gets super embarrassed if you ever mention it in front of anyone

⤷ hinata thinks you look adorable in his clothes, whenever you put on one of his t-shirts and it's all loose and oversized on you it makes him weak in the knees— you're just too cute <3

⤷ he can't explain why but he gets so flustered whenever you wear his jersey and will start blushing and fumbling his words

⤷ loves to randomly pick you up and spin you around, lifting you so effortlessly as if you weigh nothing to him

⤷ lets you do his makeup because he gets to see your face up close, he thinks you look so pretty when you're focused and will have a lovesick grin plastered on his face the entire time

⤷ likes doing chores with you such as cleaning the house or buying groceries together, but every time you go shopping he somehow always manages to get lost and you end up spending half of the trip looking for each other

⤷ hinata is always showering you with compliments, and will call you beautiful at least three times a day

⤷ overall a huge sweetheart <3

⭑ bokuto

⤷ when bokuto falls in love, he falls hard— he adores absolutely everything about you and genuinely thinks the world of you

⤷ he's a very affectionate boyfriend, definitely gives the best hugs and makes you feel so safe when he wraps those beefy arms around you <3

⤷ he loves pda and will happily kiss you regardless of who's watching, but only if you're okay with it!! he never wants to make you uncomfortable and will definitely tone it down if you ask him to

⤷ bokuto can't sleep without you, when the two of you are away from each other he always has to call you and listen to your voice or else he won't be able to sleep

⤷ whenever you're sad he will do everything in his power to try and cheer you up or comfort you— likes to break out the puppy dog eyes if you refuse to tell him why you're upset

⤷ if you have an argument, he's always the first to apologise, even if he wasn't in the wrong

⤷ the first time you took him to a yakiniku restaurant on a date he very nearly got down on one knee and proposed to you

⤷ no matter how busy bokuto is with volleyball, he always manages to make time for you

⤷ he loves when you come to his games and cheer for him, and whenever he scores a point he'll make a heart with his hands at you

⤷ regardless of whether the team wins or loses, you always give him the biggest hug afterwards and tell him how proud of him you are

⤷ bokuto enjoys watching you do your skincare routine and will be over the moon when you ask him if he wants to do it with you

⤷ he would be lying if he said he understood what any of your products actually were, but he loves the feeling of you applying all the different creams and serums to his face

⤷ he's such a golden retriever bf

⭑ tendou

⤷ tendou still doesn't understand how he managed to end up with someone as gorgeous as you, he honestly thinks he's the luckiest guy on earth

⤷ literally worships the ground you walk on

⤷ he still can't believe he gets to wake up next to you, and he sometimes has to pinch himself in the morning to make sure he isn't dreaming

⤷ the first time you called him handsome he cried

⤷ tendou gets so excited if you're someone who also likes anime, the two of you binge watch so many shows together and he'll talk about his favourite characters with you for hours

⤷ takes you on cute little café and park dates

⤷ he's also quite spontaneous and will do things like randomly surprise you with tickets to disneyland or the eiffel tower

⤷ likes to sneak up behind you and scare you for absolutely no reason, he thinks it's so cute when you get mad at him for it

⤷ tendou actually gets really insecure if he catches someone else flirting with you— it's not that he doesn't trust you, because he does more than anything, it's just that there's always a voice in the back of his mind telling him you could do so much better than him </3

⤷ needs a lot of cuddles and reassurance from you, please tell him that he's good enough and that you love him just the way he is

⤷ if you have a sweet tooth, he likes to surprise you by bringing you little chocolates home from work <3

⤷ he's so touched starved, when the two of you first started dating it caught him so off guard when you would show him affection

⤷ but as time went on and he grew accustomed to your touch it wasn't long before he revealed his clingy side to you— asking you for cuddles and kisses all the time and sending you texts while he's at work saying that he misses you

⤷ protect him

⤷ please do not repost my works on any other sites!

#★彡 elle’s writings .ᐟ #hinata shouyou #hinata x reader #hinata x you #bokuto koutarou #bokuto x reader #bokuto x you #tendou satori #tendou x reader #tendou x you #𐙚 ‧+ ̊ ⋅fem .ᐟ

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hp-debates-ramblings · 2 months ago

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I now present:

SIRIUS DESERVES BETTER THAN REMUS. ALWAYS:

Remus lacks emotional stability and maturity.

James was right there.

Remus didn't match Sirius' vibe as James did.

Remus DARED to suspect Sirius as the spy.

He's selfish.

He's not James.

James exists

He didn't care for Harry,

James Prongs Fleamont Potter

His name is not James.

He makes being a werewolf his whole personality. Sirius fights the world's perception of him, but Remus not only falls into it, he lets it shape him.

Remus believes the world on what Sirius is/isn't instead of what he knows.

He thinks Sirius betrayed. The James Potter.

His surname isn't Potter.

His middle name isn't Fleamont.

His name's meaning has something to do with wolves and moons.

His first name starts with R instead of J.

He's not the guy that went above and beyond and everything else for Sirius (hint that guy is Harry's Dad)

He can't challenge Sirius. Academically or otherwise.

He's not Mr Best At Transfiguration became an animagus at 15 (hint it's Sirius ACTUAL bestie for restie)

He is NOT the guy Sirius ran to when he couldn't deal with Grimmauld place (read: Prison Palace)

He is not the guy Sirius went to EVER.

He is not the guy Sirius missed throughout his Azkaban sentence.

Also he did not try to free him.

He also doesn't respect Sirius. Or James. Or Harry.

He isn't Harry's Dad.

He doesn't once attempt to listen to Sirius until the Marauders' Map forced him to open his eyes.

Sirius doesn't once try to talk/seek him out. EVER. Like he is risking life to see Harry play and not once does he think that Remus exist lol.

Not Lily's husband.

Not Sirius EVERYTHING

He is not James Potter.

Also not a true Gryfindor (He is a coward no I won't change my mind)

He keeps secrets. Lots of them. From everyone.

Also basically becomes the slave of anyone who looks at him in not-disgust for even one second (Read: ALBUS DUMDOOR)

Not James Potter.

James exist.

Just not it.

Nowhere near Sirius level of anything.

Too much like Regulus.

A pushover.

Not James Potter.

Abanondoned his wife (i get it fight and alll TELL YOUR WIFE COWARD)

makes the literal target of oldy baldy his sons godfather! And then basically tries to get himself killed.

isn't Sirius-like enough

Felt sadder at Dumbles death than Sirius

Doesn't try to comfort/reach out to Harry ONCE

Essentially says that he never participated in anything with Prongs and Padfoot and isolates himself to look good infront otf one's kid and anothers godson like dude

301

James is better. And so is Sirius.

(Thanks @cassiaallen for letting me know I wrote godson instead of godfather)

#anti remus lupin #anti wolfstar #pro prongsfoot #but that's not what the point is #Sirius black deserves better. Always

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quantumhealingava · 3 months ago

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Julia Fox

She is a Shravana Sun (gifted) truly, much like Billie Eilish. You can see it in the eyes, that psychic, 'weirdo', 'rejected' 'freak' kid. She talks a lot in her book about feeling 'different' from everyone else, unique and strange. With Shravana natives, we see the gifted child (Harry Potter vibes)

Her Bharani Moon gives her a seductive, hypnotic, sultry, Venusian beauty. She loves fashion, like a typical Venusian, and has a hedonistic, intense, extremist side. We know she was a Dominatrix in her young adult life, which is perfectly in line with sensual Bharani Nakshatra (it's symbol being the literal Yoni)

Her Mercury is in Purva Ashadha, and she does have a very soft, beautiful writing (and speaking) style. Mercury rules over how we speak, write, communicate and think, her mind is beautiful really, and so is her speech.

I can definitely see her sensual Bharani Moon in a lot of photos of her online; lollipops, sugar, ice cream. Venus (Shukra) is oozing out of every pore in her body. She does give off a very seductive energy, and has an intoxicating, Aphrodite-like aura.

Bharani is ruled by Yama, The God of Death, and she does talk a lot in her book about sewersidel thoughts. She overdosed twice. She almost died, she's definitely 'tasted' death. This is in line with Vedic Mythology. This is directly from her book: "My new friends and I hold séances in my bedroom, invoking the spirit of the deceased front man of my favorite band, Nirvana. I tape a picture of Kurt Cobain on my wall and fantasize about dying so I can join him on the other side. “It’s better to burn out than to fade away,” he wrote in his suicide note." -Julia Fox

Her Ascendant is in Ardra Nakshatra (ruled by Rudra, The Storm God, and The Tear Drop), she's lived an extremely traumatic and tumultuous life. She does have a bit of Taylor Swift energy though (Also Ardra influenced), whereby she constantly mentions 'not needing men', and is a radical feminist). Ardra Nakshatra is also very into fashion, due to Rahu here creating obsession and craving, a touch of materialism. (Peep the black and white Fabric - Coco Chanel vibes and the leopard print too!) From her book: "The faces on the missing posters stare blankly back at me. There are so many all stacked on top of one another, each telling a devastating story. At night, I lie in bed and wonder if every plane I hear flying overhead is actually a bomb. I grip my pillow over my ears and brace for impact."

In my humble opinion, she is extremely iconic, and still too underrated. I believe she will continue to grow further into her fame - she's got a very socialite 11th House Moon, (fame, friendships and the spotlight).

Her life purpose (Rahu) is in Shravana (The Moon); a huge part of her destiny in this lifetime was to become a mother. Chandra = Mother / Moon. We know that she writes and talks a lot about her son, and how he changed her entire life and is now her whole world.

A lot of Moon influenced women, Venususians and Rahu girls will fall in love with and greatly look up to Julia Fox. (Shravana + Bharani, Purva Phalguni) as well as many Ardra Natives. Gen Z in particular, I can see a ton of women with those placements feeling inspired by her, feeling like her story is home to them, feeling like they understand her, and she understands them.

Overall, I love Julia Fox and her energy, and just wanted to share this with you all. As a Bharani Sun woman myself, I feel so close to her energetically and spiritually (and I'm sure many of you out there do too!)

#juliafox #downthedrain #kanyewest #vedicastrology #astronotes #astroanalysis #chartanalysis #venus #bharani #shravana

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thedemonscrawler · 8 months ago

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I'm just gonna do this to Ruin

LIKE. YES I KNOW HE DID EVERYTHING WRONG. BUT HAVE YOU CONSIDERED HOW SAD HE MIGHT BE ABOUT IT

Like aaaaa I'm cursed to only like characters when they're losing I guess, and a Pyrrhic victory counts as a loss. I didn't CARE about this guy when he was the main antagonist, and then Eclipse 3.0 chucked him in the back of a car and kidnapped him and I was suddenly interested. And NOW, when everyone is very much upset about Solar, I'm off to the side shaking this bastard around because we finally got some concrete answers to what's going on in his head.

Just! This whole thing-- this is an exceptionally Moon thing for him to have done. To go 'I'm going to completely and totally remove this possible threat from ever occurring, and I'm fine with being the bad guy to do it'? That's some Old Moon kind of thinking. This wasn't a plan he came up with in the past few months, this took him years.

And speaking of years! Fifty years of playing pretend! Of acting like you enjoy hurting people, that you don't care as your body literally falls apart around you. I'm not a fan of the idea that he was never infected, I like the perspective better that he was infected, it just wasn't as responsible for his behavior as he made it out to be-- but still. At some point he had to have gone numb to it for the sake of his own survival.

What does that do to your mentality? Your outlook? What's it like knowing that your whole world was brought to its knees by your creator? What's it like being the only semi-stable person you know for half a century? What's it like realizing that you're also changing, and not for the better?

He's just... so painfully isolated, in a way that Eclipse doesn't even come close to touching.

And! And even after being 'cured'! He's still isolated! Like it was a good thing he WAS up to something-- can you imagine how crushing it would be if he'd been genuinely not doing anything, and he was still treated with suspicion for a solid like 4 months? By probably the most consistent group of animatronics he's had to talk to that weren't infected with a weird virus?

Like, the man didn't get repaired until 3 months after being cured, after Solar made a blueprint in his spare time. He didn't get a bed until Moon felt guilty about rummaging around inside his head-- and tbh I don't know if he ever got to actually use that bed. He let them call him Ruin.

Ruin never had a home in 'our' dimension.

And hhhhngh like I'm not even sure he cares, because he's past the point of caring. He's got one of Sun's worst traits as well, "There's no point in sharing what I'm thinking because no one is listening". He could have approached Moon and Solar with like "Hey okay so I started on this plan to do this thing like 10 years ago, I would like some input" and maybe an alternative could have been found!

But he didn't, because he's alone. He came up with the best plan he could, weighed the risks, and acted on it, all by himself. A single weird Eclipse against 5,000 Creators, because he felt like that was the greatest threat.

And like, lets be real-- Solar's death was 100% a narrative necessity. Otherwise we the audience wouldn't really care that Ruin had wiped so many dimensions from existing, it'd just be a number. That thing of like, you gotta make it personal to have impact. Very good storytelling right there.

(Though from a in-universe perspective, man it must have been an unpleasant shock to learn that of course the only other dimensional refugee was from one of the worlds you had to destroy. Like, come on, what are the odds)

He did something horrible. A multi-dimensional catastrophe to prevent a multi-dimensional catastrophe. He probably accepted the ramifications of it ages ago. He just... utterly lacks any hope, you know? No hope of forgiveness, no hope of improvement. He survived his world long enough to do this thing, and he has nothing else going for him.

He's just waiting for them to finally kill off his body, because he already died years ago.

Anyway I'm desperately trying to find an angle that can be used to maybe pull him out of his coffin here and so far I'm not seeing one qq but maybe future eps will give me something to work off of.

#the sun and moon show #tsams #the sun and moon show spoilers #spoilers #i guess?#also i have no idea if i wanna make rants like this on this blog or my main #ruin eclipse apologist tm #maybe not apologist maybe defense lawyer #your honor have you considered that my client's actions were not malicious and also he's really not okay inside

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captainsophiestark · 1 year ago

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The 60s

Klaus Mikaelson x Reader

Masterlist - Join My Taglist!

Written for Fictober 2023!

Fandom: The Vampire Diaries/The Originals

Day 9 Prompt: "I wouldn't do that if I were you."

Summary: Klaus wiped the memory of the love of his life after hundreds of years together to try to protect them from Mikael. Now, however, his ex has their memories back is going to find their boyfriend. Even if he is in someone else's body.

Word Count: 2,215

Category: Angst, Fluff

Putting work into an AI program without permission is illegal. You do not have my permission. Do not do it.

I was going to kill Klaus Mikaelson.

Unlike the other thousand people who'd probably had that thought in the last week alone, however, mine was actually justified. For hundreds of years, Nik and I had been together, happy, and in love. We'd wandered the world together, side by side, having each other's backs through thick and thin. Out of everyone in the entire world, I was the only one he'd always trusted, completely, without a doubt in mind.

And then Mikael had shown up one time too many.

Nik and I had faced him a few times, and he had firmly held the spot of 'my least favorite Original' for literal centuries. We'd always come out shaken, but fine, until about a hundred and fifty years ago. That time, he'd gotten Nik cornered, so I'd jumped in to save him. Mikael had almost killed me instead.

We'd managed to both make it out alive, thankfully, but Nik had been foaming at the mouth with nerves and fear. I'd tried to calm him down, but it hadn't worked. He'd gotten too scared, so for the first time in our entire relationship, he broke my trust. He compelled me to forget him, and to go somewhere else, far away, where I'd never be put in danger by him and his family again.

It had worked, unfortunately for me. Until recently, when something had happened to break the compulsion and bring my memories back. At first, I'd been terrified that it meant Nik had died. But, after a little investigating and compelling of my own, I realized he'd been body-hopping with the help of witches. Something about it must've shaken his compulsion loose, and allowed me to remember.

It hadn't taken me long to track him down to Mystic Falls, Virginia. I couldn't help being a little proud of myself for finding him so quickly; it helped that I knew him well. I'd arrived in Virginia last night, and managed to track down Nik's exact location and hiding place just as quickly. He'd apparently taken over the body of a history teacher at the local high school. Who would I have been to miss that opportunity?

With a little more compulsion, I'd convinced the front office staff to let me into the teacher's history class. I found a seat to one side of the classroom, then settled in to wait for Nik to show up. I almost blew my cover when, a moment later, the spitting image of Katherine Pierce walked through the door.

I knew he'd come to town for the doppelgänger, but it was still surprising to see someone who looked just like Katherine. Apparently, that lie we'd planted about the Curse of the Sun and the Moon had been working out pretty well. She sat on the other side of the room from me, flirting with another vampire and sitting with her witch friend. I sighed, already ready to leave the classroom, when Nik finally walked in.

The teacher, Alaric Saltzman, was tall, with brown hair, and dressed in something I could almost see Nik wearing normally. He strode through the open door with a "hello class" and went right to his desk like it was any other day. I snorted.

"What... are we learning today?" he mused, flipping through his history book. He hadn't looked up once; hadn't had a chance to see me yet.

"With the decade dance tonight we've been covering the sixties all week," a girl in the front chimed in. Nik looked up.

"Right. The sixties."

For the first time, he turned, and I thought his eyes might finally find me. Instead, they found the doppelgänger—Elena—like a heat-seeking missile.

Understandable, since we didn't think she existed. But still annoying.

He glanced from her to the open classroom door, then turned to the board. I huffed a sigh and rolled my eyes. What was he gonna do, just grab her and run? Much too obvious for his style, and we both knew it.

"The uh... the sixties," he started, mentioning the decade for the third time now as he turned around to write the same words on the board. "...I wish there was something good I could say about the sixties."

I covered a snort with my elbow. I almost raised my hand to say something like "Maybe they would've been better if you'd still had me with you", but that was also too sloppy for my style. Too many students asking questions, seeing me, and too many enemies possibly getting hints about Nik.

"They actually kind of sucked," Nik continued. "Except for the Beatles, of course, they made it bearable."

His eyes strayed to Elena's witch friend, and my heart squeezed in my chest. Nik was recounting memories that didn't include me, when I should've appeared in almost all of them. The hurt was only semi-manageable because I wasn't looking at the love of my life's face while hearing this, too.

"Uh, what else was there? The Cuban Missile... thing. The uh... we walked on the moon, that was, uh... Watergate."

"Watergate was the seventies, Ric," Elena chimed in with a fond smile. "Uh, I mean, Mr. Saltzman."

"Right," Nik continued, a familiar edge to an unfamiliar smile. His eyes never strayed from Elena. "It all kind of... mushes together up here. Sixties, seventies. Thank you, Elena."

I watched him teach the rest of the class in a way that could only be described as 'playing with his food'. He said Elena's name another time or two, savoring it in a way I recognized as him relishing in victory. I was happy to see him happy, but the added side effect of him being so wrapped up in doppelgänger nonsense meant that he still hadn't noticed me.

I tried not to let it get to me. Especially since it had given me the best opening I could've asked for to scare the daylights out of Nik and get just a little bit of payback.

Once the bell rang, I stood and hovered at the edge of the classroom. Nik dismissed everyone and said goodbye to the class, saying a special, specific goodbye to Elena and watching her leave. It wouldn't have been terribly obvious to anyone with no reason to suspect 'Alaric' was not who he said he was, but it was ridiculous to me.

Nik moved to the door to look out into the hallway as the classroom emptied of every single student except for me. He watched Elena go, his back to what he thought was an empty classroom, giving me exactly the opening I wanted. I crossed the room quickly but quietly, using all of my vampire skills to keep him from noticing me until I was right next to him, almost shoulder to shoulder.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you," I said, right into Nik's ear. He'd jumped and spun around at the first word, but now stood frozen, his mouth open in shock as he stared at me. I grinned. "You know, whatever you were planning to do to the doppelgänger. At school. In a human body. While she's surrounded by supernaturals. That's just a bad idea."

"Y/N..." he breathed, voice barely above a whisper. Then, he surged forward, wrapping me tight in his arms and spinning me around in a hug. He moved backwards into the classroom, and I slammed the door with my heel just to avoid any prying eyes.

Nik finally pulled back, eyes wide and a vague smile on his face, like he was happy but didn't actually believe this was real. I smiled back at him, even though he didn't quite look like my Nik, and gave his hands a reassuring squeeze.

"How... how is this possible?" he asked, his voice still quiet, like any loud noise might shatter the moment. "How are you here?"

"I still don't totally know. But I think, when you moved into this... teacher body... it was enough for your compulsion on me to break."

Nik's face fell immediately, as it should have. I frowned, the immediate happiness of finding Nik having worn off.

"I can't believe you did that to me, Nik," I said, taking a step back from him. "It was supposed to be the two of us, through everything. Against everything. No matter what. How could you betray that?"

He gave a frown of pain, taking a half step towards me before thinking better of it.

"You don't understand. My... Mikael... almost killed you. If I'd been the cause of your death-"

"Okay, first of all, you would never be the cause of my death. You know how I know? Because you would never kill me." I stared at Nik long and hard, and although he looked away from my gaze quickly, I never did. "Second, the only person who would've been the cause of my death was Mikael. You are not responsible for a bad person trying to kill me."

"Unless that bad person is trying to kill you to get to me." He said it quietly but firmly, looking up at me with a rueful smile from lowered lashes, like he'd just said some checkmate truth we'd both been avoiding. I put a hand on my hip and glared.

"Actually Nik, no, it's still not your fault. It's the bad person's fault. That's it. And before you start telling me it's your fault for dragging me into it or whatever, I could've left. I didn't want to, and I still don't want to. I've seen every level of crazy your life has to offer, and I'm signing up for all of it.

"And Nik, before you try to tell me how much you'd miss me if you lost me, you did lose me! By letting fear drive you to compel me out of your life. And I also lost you. I guess I've been generally content for the past hundred and fifty years, but I've never been totally satisfied. Because something is missing. I've known total and complete happiness, and it's whenever I'm with you. This immortal life isn't worth living without you, Nik. Don't try to tell me it is."

He stared at me for a few long moments, then pulled me to him again. Unlike the first hug, this time our feet stayed planted firmly on the ground, wrapped tight in the strong hold of each other's embrace. I sighed as Nik rested his head against mine, moving his mouth right next to my ear.

"I'm... I'm sorry, Y/N. I shouldn't have done that to you. I was just... terrified at the thought of losing you."

"I know. But Nik, we're nothing if we're not together. I need you to promise me you won't do that again. The two of us, side by side, for eternity. That's it, alright?"

He pulled away, hands holding my arms tight as he stared me straight in the eye.

"I give you my word."

Slowly, a smile spread across my face, a new warmth growing in my chest. Not once, in hundreds of years, had Nik ever broken his word to me. We were going to be okay.

He grinned back at me once he noticed my smile, then leaned in to kiss me. I stopped him, jerking back a bit, and he gave me a concerned look.

"I love you, and I am so happy to see you again, but I'm not kissing you until you're back in your own body. I have no interest in kissing this rando you've possessed."

Nik grinned, and although it wasn't his body or his smile, I swear it looked exactly like it was supposed to.

"Fair enough. I don't think I want you kissing this 'rando' either. What do you say we get out of here, and do what needs to be done so I can get back into my body, break my curse, and kiss you properly?"

"...Not in that order, right?"

"No, not in that order."

"Then deal."

Nik smiled and took my hand, giving it a gentle squeeze as we headed towards the door together. I had no idea what the next part of his plan was, but once I was caught up to speed, I knew we'd be putting it into action shoulder to shoulder again, and all would be right with the world.

"You know, you're a shit teacher," I mused as we headed off into the high school together. Nik shot me a look as he kept leading me towards whatever destination he had in mind.

"Do you remember much interesting information to teach children about the sixties?"

I shrugged. "No. But I could probably fake it better than you. Watergate."

"I was in Australia, Watergate was a low priority."

"I was in Greenland, so... checkmate."

He just shook his head, a smile finding its way onto his face all the same. I was the only one in the world Nik trusted endlessly, the only one who could find him in a matter of days no matter where he was in the world, and the only one who could get away with giving him shit with absolutely no repercussions. And now that I had him and my memories back, I was never letting him go.

****************

TVD/TO Masterlist: @elenavampire21

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