#and not putting pressure on myself of whether its 'good' or 'bad'

[spiltlove]

a bad thing lives here. is it you or me?

[heartyearning]

i love you older southern folks on the internet who make videos about fixing your various sewing and knitting machines

[stjohnstarling]

Hello! Love 'What Manner of Man'! It inspired me to make my own vintage gay story myself!

But I'm having an issue with outlining, since outlining a novel feels more close-ended than a longer-form serial novel is.

Do you have any advice? Or resources, etc?

So you have no way of knowing this, but I am actually obsessed with story structure. It’s maybe the part of storytelling I’ve spent the most time consciously working with, so sorry in advance because I’m about to go on a dubiously helpful monologue. It’s a bit tricky for me to answer about resources, since the things I used when I was learning have been lost to the sands of time. That being said I have a couple pieces of advice:

If you don’t know what you’re doing, don’t be afraid to find a template. I wish I could link you a good one but I don’t have any on hand. When I was first learning to write novels, I actually found a few different standard novel structure templates and used them to outline a bunch of novels I never intended to write, as practice. Bad and silly ones that were just fun to play with, where there was no pressure to write anything I’d ever want anyone to see. My background is in music, so my instinct when I don’t know how to do something is to isolate that element and practice it on its own, and it’s never steered me wrong.*

But more than that - what you’re feeling as closed-ended is that you’re trying to write a story with structure, as opposed to one that is mostly improvised. I remember feeling this too, when I first started exploring writing novels, but this is one of those cases where limitations are actually what gives you freedom.

Structure is part of the artistry of storytelling - just like poetry has forms like sonnets and sestinas, and songs have verses, bridges, and choruses. You know intuitively the structure of a pop song, and that heightens the pleasure of listening to one as you anticipate the build up to the chorus. Stories are like this too. The structure is an important part of the audience’s enjoyment of the final piece, whether they know it or not.

I’ll give an example. Season one of AMC’s The Terror is a piece of fiction that is structured with some serious artistry, above and beyond just good craftsmanship, its structure is a crucial part of how it creates meaning. As a result a lot of what its fans do is analyze it for parallels in its storytelling. I don’t think many of them would articulate what they enjoy about it as “this is a well structured story,” but the structure is actually one of the main things the fandom engages with.

More than any writing resource, the best way to learn is to study and analyze stories you admire - why things are put in a certain order and why events fall at the points in the story that they do. When are you anticipating, when are you experiencing catharsis, where in the story do those things happen? Explore widely! You don’t have to limit yourself to novels! Movies are great for getting a basic understanding of how you can structure a story because the time and space requirements they’re subject to mean movies tend to be very rigidly structured. There’s no time to mess around like there is in long forms of fiction like novels.

I encourage you to embrace structure as a part of the art and a potential tool for expression and beauty! I can’t tell you how rewarding it is.

*I am aware that this advice does not work for a lot of people, so if it doesn’t work for you that is also perfectly fine! Everyone is different.

[genericpuff]

i’d half hoped that the art in lo would get less lazy after the hiatus but the newest fast pass preview has proven me otherwise. apollos top teeth are purple :/ can’t say i’m surprised, but still disappointed.

the teeth are bad but have you seen the uncropped version in the FB groups? ?

APOLLO UR FINGEERRRRSSSS-

sigh but yeah as soon as I put two and two together that the series FP episodes staying locked during the hiatus meant that Rachel would only technically need one episode ready for the return... that was when I was pretty certain that the art wasn't gonna improve.

That said, I didn't really have much hope to begin with ? I know that sounds defeatist, I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a little hopeful when the hiatus started, but speaking as someone who's been making webcomics for years now, you CAN'T turn around the shit that's clearly led to LO's decline in 4 months. The writing problems, the art problems, the burnout that Rachel is clearly experiencing... none of that can be fixed in 4 months, while attending conventions, while also needing to take rest time, while needing to create a buffer. It's just not possible to pull off, even if it was someone who didn't have the chronic procrastination and distraction problems that Rachel has.

LO is a broken series, down to its very foundation. The cracks in the foundation weren't obvious in the beginning, but now with everything that's been built upon it over the past 5 years putting pressure on those cracks, it's clear it's falling apart. As much as I've loved being a part of this community and creating the panel edits and Rekindled and everything that's come with being a "hater", this isn't where I saw myself with the series two years ago and I'm split on whether it's a good thing or a bad thing. I miss when this series was at least entertaining and had effort put into it. Yes, it still had issues as far back as S1, but at least it still felt like there was love and effort being put in. Now it just feels like a cheap bootleg and the novelty of how funny it is in its awfulness has really worn off for me. It's just bad.

[pookieismissing09]

ok guys i never post on here but heres my take on the sturniolo space camp situation if anyone gives a fuck

SORRY THIS IS SO LONG I DONT EXPECT ANYONE TO READ EVERYTHING NO ONE WILL PROB SEE THIS ANYWAY 💀 ill prob delete this icl its just a lil rant 🥰🥰

and if u disagree with me idc im just expressing my opinions 😭 read the whole thing so i can justify myself before u start attacking me

before i say anything im not just sticking up for nick just because im a fan of the triplets. like some people are only sticking up for him because they hate to admit that he would ever lie or do anything wrong- and they’re defending him with no reasoning other than “he would never 🥺” like stfu. what im saying is that i don’t know for sure whether the ‘bee better’ guy is telling the truth, for all i know he might be chatting utter shit. but if he is telling the truth, then im saying that i understand nick lied but its not necessarily a negative thing.

so like first of all i dont see the issue with nick not being the founder of the brand. like yes i understand its ‘morally wrong’ to lie and its misinformation but i think we will live… it doesnt make any difference to the products or the people who buy them. like ik people say that they only bought it to support nick and they wouldn’t have bought it if they knew it was just some random brand, but its not just some ‘random brand’- they are still supporting nick cos he gets payed for advocating it. by purchasing the products, theyre keeping the brand afloat which means nick will get payed for being the ‘face of the brand’ and doing a good job at advertising. or in simple terms, even if nick isnt the founder of the entire brand he is still a huge part of the company and is definetly getting a fat bag from all of this. like yall are acting like you wouldnt lie if a company said they would pay you to do so- bffr we would all do what nick did.

and the other main thing is everyone is complaining about the price all of a sudden. like if you are all protesting about how nick has nothing to do with the origin of the brand then surely he also wouldn’t be able to control the price? so according to everyone saying the lip balms are not his idea, don’t be mad at nick for the ridiculous pricing if he apparently ‘had nothing to do with it in the first place‘. and aside from that, the pricing literally had nothing to do with the fact that he lied about being the founder- it would probably cost the same either way so why are people only getting worked up about the pricing now that he is being ‘exposed’? like honestly people are just looking for excuses to say he’s a bad person like what 😭

and ik this doesnt have anything to do with spacecamp, but in general these days everyone is saying how the triplets don’t put any effort into their content anymore and only do it for the money. i think you are forgetting that youtube is their full time paying job. doing youtube as a hobby and doing it as a career are completely different- and most people find that when they pursue their hobbies as a career choice they start to enjoy it less since they feel under pressure to perform a certain way (and don’t come at me for saying that because im “babying” the triplets, piss off).

put it this way, people that have high paying jobs that sit in an office all day don’t do that type of work for their enjoyment- they only work in that environment because they want to receive a larger income instead of having an enjoyable job with a poor wage. this is exactly the same as the triplets’ situation, i doubt very much that they actually do youtube for their personal enjoyment. at the end of the day they have to pay the bills and youtube is their only job- its not always going to be fun like it used to be (both for them and for us watching).

and for all of you thinking ‘well they shouldnt be youtubers if they cant entertain people’ you have to understand that getting a different job takes time. like the whole process of finding a career, interviewing etc. and as well as that, they are probably terrified to even consider looking for another career because of their batshit crazy fans (including me 💀). like can we just cut them some slack and let them get on with their job 😭. and at the end of the day they cant just stop being youtubers, they will never be able to live their lives as regular people now that they have created their platform- i doubt they will ever do anything else bc of the fear of being recognised in public whilst they are doing a more “normal” job.

and for the love of god this is NOT me saying that the triplets are gonna quit youtube. like i said, its their full time job. im just giving my opinion on people saying they are only doing it for the money- and quite honestly they are, but is that really such a bad thing? like im sorry but they aren’t just posting for our entertainment, they need money one way or another.

also is anyone else excited for the stream later like i hope nick will say something about all this and not just stay quiet until it all blows over

i think thats all i was gonna say i cant remember but if theres more then i will say 😘😘😘 sorry i waffle alot

[rewritingcanon]

Sorry, this might be a long rant but those anons and replies you were getting got me going. TERFs always say how trans women are “cosplaying” or “performing” what they think a woman is. But, and I say this as a cis woman, don’t cis women do that too? I’d argue that it’s not even performing womanhood, it’s performing femininity, and isn’t femininity a performance at the end of the day? Cis women wear makeup, jewelry, dresses, etc. usually to express their femininity, but it’s not inherent to being a woman. Being born a woman doesn’t automatically come with a gene that makes you interested in traditionally feminine things or ways of expression, it’s all socialization. People associate gender affirmation only with trans people, but cis men and woman do it too? Men will go to the gym to build muscle or get hair transplants to feel more masculine, and women will do things that make them feel more feminine. It’s all a performance that we put on for society. Cis women get cosmetic surgery to adhere to female beauty standards all the time (even JKR, allegedly) but suddenly it’s a problem when trans women do it?

It sucks because I do consider myself a radical feminist but TERFs make it hard to exist in that space. I think TERFs and I would agree that women getting plastic surgery is actually not an empowering or feminist choice and only further feeds an industry that profits off of making women (especially women of color) feel insecure. However, I don’t blame women for getting work done, because they’re essentially the victim in the scenario. Why would I blame someone who is groomed by a society that tells them certain parts of them are bad and need to be changed? It’s pointless and self righteous, and it only further puts the burden of being the “perfect victim” on women. I feel the same for trans women (and men). I don’t like that we live in a society that pressures people into undergoing sometimes very serious procedures to be more palatable. But that’s hardly their fault, is it? Can I really blame anyone for being worn down and making a decision to try and make their life in a toxic world easier? Specifically for trans women, it also involves their safety because they (specifically trans women of color) are the most at risk members of society, especially when it comes to violence. The more they ‘pass’, they are keeping themselves safe.

It’s just so crazy to me how TERFs can acknowledge that the patriarchy is toxic to women in ways that affect their daily lives and how they present themselves, but can’t seem to understand that it also affects other groups of people in those ways as well. Trans women aren’t our enemy, they’re just trying to survive, just like we are. How can I fault anyone for that?

Again, so sorry for the long rant but I got heated lmao

no dont apologise babe i completely agree LOL. its so sad because when i first came across radical feminism it was about their takes on sex work and the porn industry in general and i really agreed with a lot they had to say so i kept deep diving and THEN i came across the terfism. and to this day idk whether that is intrinsic to radfem ideology or if terfs are just saying it is. either way, its sad because i feel like radfems are sort of overshadowed by terfs in their spaces and get a bad rep to their name because of how many bigots use that space to promote their hateful rhetoric instead of promoting their good takes on patriarchy.

that original post about jkr got a lot of terfs/self proclaimed radfems in the shits too and i would scroll through their profiles and read what they had to say about the oppression of ciswomen and actually agree with them. and then they would turn around and argue the exact opposite about trans women which was absolutely mind-boggling to me. you tell me these people can discuss so many nuances about cis-womanhood but refuse to acknowledge similar nuances in transpeople? crazy. and very disappointing.

your point on plastic surgery and gender affirming surgery is interesting. ive never thought about it that way before or thought to compare the two. i agree with what you say about cis women getting plastic surgery btw, i also dont think it’s empowering women at all but i wont blame them. i think the difference between that and gender affirming surgery is that there are more grey areas like gender dysmorphia (although not everyone who gets this surgery has to have dysmorphia) and also what you said about safety in passing! im cis too so i dont pretend to know how gender dysmorphia feels like (i know dysmorphia is also not a trans-only thing either though). maybe the experience of that is because of socialisation and the knowledge that one’s physicality is preventing them from being socialised ‘correctly,’ and maybe that would disappear if strict ideas of gender (and what ‘man/woman’ “look” like) disappeared as well, but i don’t pretend to know lol. i dont want to make it out to be some big illusion of patriarchy or anything.

either way, you’re right. we are oppressed by patriarchy in similar ways, ways that are exacerbated for trans women (and more so for non-white trans women). even trans men are oppressed too, but im not so sure how they fit into terf rhetoric. i think they may just groups trans men in with cis women? although ive never seen a terf come on here and speak up for the oppression of trans men either so. lol.

sorry for taking so long to answer this i was pondering it for a long time 😭👍

[triumphantfury]

Hi!!! Just dropping by because I was missing your fics so I reread them and now I have to tell you how much I love you. I love you a lot, by the way. Like literally every time I read a chapter of yours I love you more because GAH the writing is so damn good. Ahem anyways thank you so much for the update on Wrapped in Red and I still have to fan myself every time I look at Upside, but I've been thinking the most about "To Suffer a Witch." I don't mean to put any pressure on you or anything but may I inquire on the next chapter's status? Or perhaps just request a snippet? Also when you asked the readers whether or not they'd like an eventual lemon I'd like to vote yes to the lemon. Please. Possibly-Demon Hiccup is hot as hell and I'm greedy. 😅

Thank you so much for sharing your wonderful writing with us and I hope you have a wonderful day, week, and at least a virtual cabin in the woods where you can relax, read, and at least think on writing!

Oh boy….

It’s taken me forever to get around to answering this ask, but as the new chapter update is almost complete (after way, WAY too many rewrites), I feel like I can finally post this reply with some measure of confidence. Sorry it’s taken so long. I wish I had a good excuse, but my brain sometimes just shuts me out.

Anyway, after much anticipation, and likely a little cursing, here’s an excerpt from the soon to be posted next chapter of TSaW:

*The next couple days seemed to drag by for Astrid. She felt trapped between a longing to see Hiccup again just to prove she wasn’t mad, and a strong urge to just write it all off as a delusion. Perhaps one brought on by some bad grain or curdled milk. Countless times she’d been sure she heard hoofbeats outside, only to have them grow into a roll of thunder the next second. Or she’d catch a glimpse of a dark shadow approaching on the road, only to have it melt from her sight a moment later as if swept away by the driving rain.

Some small part of her was starting to worry she was actually going mad. Her mood darkening as she channeled her other feelings into straight anger so as to help herself deal with it better. It wasn’t as if she could really speak of it to anyone, anyway. She was still too confused about it herself.

Resigned to bear this burden alone, Astrid had kept to herself as much as possible while trapped inside. Waiting impatiently for a break in the weather when she could distract herself with repairs outside instead. The Lord knows there was always plenty of work to keep her busy. That, and manual labour was better than wasting time dwelling on… Whatever it was that had occurred here the other night.

Fortunately - or maybe unfortunately - she’d soon discovered that the storm hadn’t done anywhere near as much damage as she’d expected given its ferocity. The house, shed, and barn had all weathered fair enough at least. An old tree had toppled near the back of the pasture though. She’d gone out to repair the section of broken fencing yesterday. Her brothers helping her as much as she would allow them to - which mostly meant keeping the opportunistic goats from escaping through the hole while she worked.

It had been while she was winding the last of the rope around the newly set post that Ruffnut had approached her from across the field. Somehow always keyed in to the local to-dos, Tuffnut had heard from one of their other neighbours that some people had started to fall ill in town. The worst of which was little Argh — Mr. and Mrs. Ack’s youngest son, who was not yet a full year into this world.

“Gunnar thinks it’s because of those witches that Trader Johan was talking about the other day,” Ruff stage-whispered over the fence. Her thumb gesturing towards the home on the far side of Mildew’s plot as she glanced around, as if to make sure no one else was within earshot.

“I’d be rather foolish to agree,” Astrid huffed. “It’s likely just been brought on by the rain. We all know that a chill in the air today sets a chill in the bones tomorrow.” Looking away from her gossipy neighbour, she dressed the knot as her father had taught her before pulling it good and tight. Then she stood and gave her work a proud once over. Nodding, as if to show her approval to the craftsman.

“Maybe…” Ruffnut’s hesitant reply trailed off thoughtfully, and she was chewing on her lip when Astrid at last looked her way again. It was almost as if she had something she wanted to say, but wasn’t sure if she should speak it aloud.

“Go on,” Astrid grumbled. “Whatever it is, spit it out.”

“Well, Gunnar told Tuff that Trader Johan said the evil, or what ever it is, would arrive first in the form of a black shadow on horse back…”

“Trader Johan has always enjoyed adding plenty of dramatic nonsense about ghosties, ghoulies, and other such things to his tales,” Astrid felt the need to point out. “He seems to think it makes the stories more exciting.”

“I know,” Ruff agreed. “Thing is, Tuffnut swears he saw a stranger dressed in all black when he was out in the woods yesterday. A stranger riding atop a huge black horse. When he tried to get a better look, man and horse were already gone. Maybe the horse was just really fast, but… Tuff said it gave him the creeps.” Her eyes were shifting all around again as she leaned closer over the fence, and she looked unexpectedly nervous.

“Oh, that was probably just…” Astrid’s words died on the way to her mouth as she thought better of it.

Astrid knew how Tuff felt. The unease of not being sure exactly what you had just born witness too. This did not mean that she should necessarily encourage him to repeat his tale. Especially when she didn’t yet know what to think of the whole thing.

Would it truly be wise to mention it to someone else? The twins had never been known for their discretion, and Astrid’s words would simply confirm Tuff’s suspicions — which he would then feel required to share with every person he came across. At best, it could cause a slight scandal that a young man had spent the night in their home. At worst, the superstitious townsfolk may think the Hofferson clan had entertained something entirely inhuman, instead.

No, it was best to keep what she knew of Hiccup Haddock to herself for now. Surely the others would learn of him soon enough. “Just… because Tuff was busy snacking on unknown mushrooms in the forest again.” Astrid finished awkwardly. Covering her near slip-up with an eye roll, just to be safe, and hoping Ruffnut wouldn’t notice.*

If anyone wants to read it, here’s a link to the rest of the story. Or at least the beginning…lol

[tomatoart]

mwah your art is good and nice :>

can I ask for some advice? no worries if u don't want to answer.

do you have any tips on how exactly to practice art? everytime I ask for art advice everyone always says "practice" but idk what to practice first! do you have any strategies for learning how to draw something? do you do excercises? and if so how do they work?and are there any beginner mistakes I should look out for and change specifically?

thank you so much!! have a wonderful week :>

thank you so much! im ok w answering! i dont want to speak as if i am an expert on how to draw things in general as i am learning as well and definitely am not completely learned, so i might not be the best person to ask since im not very professional w my art as I do it as a hobby (and I can only speak on mostly digital cartoon matters) but i reallly hope to try and help u out even a lil ! im really happy that you’re eager to draw :] I wish you so much luck muwah muwah

i also hated when ppl told me “just practice” and i dont wanna inflict tht on u EITHER LOL but also thats just what i ended up doing for awhile but i tried to find some things to help ^_^

tips for practice: My number one rule is that practices should be challenging but still fun, I know it can get frustrating trying to redraw a pose over and over trying to get it perfect. And over time it rlly is all about muscle memory, the longer you draw the more your eyes will pick out specific shapes in everyday life and convert them into its own vision of them! or at least its good to look at life that way, try to pin point key shapes and stress less on details in practices. after you look at key points, THEN you can go over what you have and draw in and over it to make it more “complete.” To stop practices from getting too stressful I recommend starting out drawing what you want a little more simple looking than ur desired finished product. This helps eliminate the pressure of everything not looking “perfect” and keeps your art more loose and fun. Doing this a few times is gonna get ur brain to recognize patterns in art and how things look/flow in anatomy and such. dont get stuck in ur own head abt perfecting everything to the point you either 1) give up bc ur not at a level capable of it being 100% “perfect” or 2) focus so much on making it perfect that you end up saying the work looks “wonky” or stale in dynamics, So while I do think studies help, don’t get too lost in them. I always practice with media I enjoy too, whether it’s characters or fashion I enjoy.

Strategies learning to draw something: people get mad abt this one but I think tracing reference photos is great. its been awhile but When I tried learning to draw hands better at first I would trace them then put the traced image to the side of the canvas, then try and replicate what my mind saw as its most important angles and aspects. Same for clothing folds/hair/etc! I think it’s maybe not the best idea to trace the ref and use the tracings as is, because you learn more from tracing it then trying to replicate and simplify what u learned into the style you’re working in. Find what shapes you like from them and don’t over detail it. you may have to go by eye and think “what parts of this ref photo should i simplify to fit my style” and for me, its usually adjusting the length of the torso and then the limbs by associations. i dont recommend feeling like u need a reference for every art you make though, its ok to let ur own head try out its own sometimes too while trying to learn this, see if it remembers any call bad from the past referenced sketches! over time ull remember where everything goes more, these days i rarely kick myself to use refs but im sure they still would help to use, but figure drawing simple blobby figure in a bunch of random poses was a big thing i used to do as well to get better at full body art + overall dynamics (still does this). also paying attention to silhouettes is great 

Exercises and how they work: I WANNA HELP U SO BAD BUT to be honest, all the works on my blog ARE exercises! i rarely actually do finished pieces, if u scroll thru my posts ull notice most r sketches. i usually just fill up a page and call it “warm ups” then i get attached to some of them, take a few, and just line them up pleasingly on a smaller page, then color them in (or sometimes fix the lines to be more clean too). im not rlly a person who “exercises” to practice, it more so happens from just me drawing a lot for fun as a hobby! but i really should. i will tell u this has humbled me a lil i need to start practicing too 😭 LOL but a good exercise is to look at what ur inspirations do, and study it. Make a collage and write out what you like most abt their styles/what u want to gain from them. For ref Here’s a page I did awhile ago when someone asked me abt my insps:

i also look at fashion magazines and as well as anime figures and take insps from that sometimes with learning cool poses and compositions to convert into my own things

Beginner mistakes to look out for: its hard for me to pin point “mistakes” beginners make, as sometimes we cant avoid all of them or even notice them, progress comes from growing out of old ways. some mistakes are even the foundation of ur future amazing cool style! but i think some things to look out for could be these, from my own old art experiences

Hands were the first thing I learned bc i liked drawing them. I don’t know if that is the best way to go but I think it is smart to practice sooner than later, here is a lil guide thingggyyy wingyyy from awhle ago

i see beginners shy away from drawing signs of age in people, sometimes adding too much detail on an older person in cartoon art makes it look weird, so i try and hit the key markings on ppls faces of age.

Too thin of lines. sometimes its a stylistic choice to use thin lineart, and it can look amazing ! but sometimes it can flatten an image if ur not familiar with its flow. im not saying use thick line art, but more so to keep in mind the weight of ur strokes, adding depth with a thick thin combo of line art can do SO much for the simplest of pieces. heres a visual from a while back when i talked abt my brush + more abt lines:

but if ur desired style is thin lineart that is cool too! tbh it was just harder for me as a beginner

sometimes artists think they need to do full lineart for everything and then hate how it looks compared to the sketch, do not fear i will introduce u to my bff: painting over a sketch, extractinging the lines, then calling it line art. i only do this sometimes but its a fun exercise-ish thing to do in a pinch. example:

finding what shading fits ur art. sometimes ill see ppl starting out who have a style thats very simple, but they use a very detailed rendering process on it. this is not something id ever police of course, art is each persons own choice! And it CAN work. It can be so cute! but sometimes mixing two very contrasting mediums of art can throw off the “put together” look of it. i use to abuse the airbrush tool thinking it made my simple style look super cool and detailed, but looking back on it now those pieces looked a little off, having such a simple style have somewhat more realistic shading. dont get me wrong the ability i see ppl use rendering like that is so insanely talented! but i found cellshading to be a good match for cartoony art like my own. a tip i learned way too late abt that is rather than shading each layer by color picking a darker color, instead use a clipping mask over the entire art (above line art too as I color my lineart) and lasso tool the areas u want shaded + fill it w a saturated purple then set to multiply + lower opacity. also, sometimes coloring can come out chalky looking when u meant for it to be smooth and transitional, i think this comes from overshading and overlighting pieces without reason. pay attention to where the light source is, and focus on making the shaded and lighter areas nice shapes that cover the necessary areas, then u can add additional shading to the smaller details of what should have a casted shadow/light  

its good to spice up ur art now rather than later, focusing making ur art pop more w backgrounds will help ur coloring skills look better too! i dont mean detailed huge backgrounds, a small lil color pallet and design rather than a blank white bg. like this will make u feel better abt it or at least it helped me *sweats* yeah:

beginners tend to draw blank faces like “:)” but I think a good thing to do is try and get silly with expressions early on. It’s okay if the mouth hangs off the face cartoonishly with joy or shock, it’s ok if the eyebrows are super high in surprise.

tracing and pasting it as is (already said this but I’ve seen ppl do it a lot with hair styles and it makes it look alienated from the rest of the style) (final fantasy fans found critically injured) n if need a ref for a pose, using a real humans anatomy as-is doesn’t look quite right on a cartoonyish drawing. Shortening torso and legs usually comes out of this for me!

flip ur canvas i promise u it’ll be less embarrassing over time!

using guidelines for perspective and foreshortening is GREAT. Do it stylistically rather than realistically to add some groove to it...yay. Having silly perspective in art can make it look like a 10 so easily opposed to a normal front facing sketch. Look at cool poses from fashion magazines! Don’t be scared to draw something you don’t feel confident in conveying perfectly, this is why progress redraws exist :)

Drawing the hairline b4 u draw the hair is great, it helps u understand where their hair flows from, where it starts and stops, AND prepares u for drawing bald ppl. Also don’t make the head too big, the skull IS bigger up top, but sometimes I see an alien head affect.

Anatomy is an interesting mistake that beginners make a lot, but it’s one they find harder to notice! When I started out, all my art would be SO wonky, but I didn’t even realize it! It still happens today too! specifically though I see beginners struggle with the arms in this department. My advice is to try and measure them out and make sure they don’t go past the knees, and are the same length as each other when Unfolded. asking for criticism is hard but it helped me realize when i would make something bigger/longer than it should have been in my art, and stuck with me being able to go “oh... i see it LOL” 

clothing wrinkles- do not over do it! Too many wrinkles and shading can look unpleasant and wirey- like a plastic table cloth all bunched up which isn’t exactly what ppl wear. pay attention to gravity too

I hope this helped even a lil im sorry tht I’m not very good at explaining or didn’t have much to sayyy! If u have any troubles no guarantee I’ll have the answer, but ur always free to ask!

[sociopathicghost]

What's reality to you might be an illusion.

There's a pervasive reality about how things function in our world. We're all ensnared by a so-called system that restricts us from realizing our full potential. When examined from a macroscopic perspective, the notions of good and evil become irrelevant. The universe, indifferent and unfeeling, doesn't care about our moral distinctions. I often contemplate the essence of living, recognizing its inherent pointlessness. Yet, ending one's life doesn't seem to be a viable option. As Rust Cohle aptly puts it, it's the "damn programming." We are biologically and psychologically programmed to exist on this planet, where most people are just walking corpses, going through the motions of their daily routines. They call it living, marked by fleeting moments of dopamine-induced pleasure. These chemicals trick us into feeling emotions, even when rationally, everything is ultimately meaningless.

All our cherished memories and experiences, whether deemed good or bad, amount to nothing more than nostalgia when reflected upon. But what's the purpose of nostalgia when life itself is driven by evolution and constant change? Time doesn't pause for anyone, nor does the universe. You may be in one place now, but in the next few moments, you'll be somewhere else. The relentless progression of time underscores the futility of our existence.

Consider the absurdity of being the most intelligent species ever to exist, only to live for a mere 80 years before succumbing to death. It feels like a colossal waste. Yet, acknowledging this isn't necessarily pessimistic; it's simply a harsh truth that many find difficult to accept. This perspective often leads me to leave tasks unfinished, as the realization dawns that everything will eventually dissolve into nothingness. The efforts, struggles, and sacrifices invested in mere existence seem ultimately futile. I repeatedly reject the idea of participating in societal norms and expectations. I feel an intrinsic sense of not belonging here. The societal constructs we adhere to often appear artificial and meaningless in the grand scheme of things. We are driven by biological imperatives and social constructs that bind us, leaving little room for genuine autonomy. Our lives are punctuated by chemical reactions that dictate our emotions and actions, making us feel as if we're living, when in reality, we're merely existing. The moments of happiness and sorrow are fleeting, and their significance diminishes over time. What remains is a sense of emptiness, a realization that all our experiences and memories are transient.

Moreover, the concept of progress, both personal and societal, seems illusory when viewed through the lens of cosmic indifference. We strive for goals, endure hardships, and seek fulfillment, yet in the end, all our efforts are rendered insignificant by the vastness of time and space. This recognition can be both liberating and disheartening. It liberates us from the burden of societal expectations but also confronts us with the stark reality of our ephemeral existence.

I often question the value of persistence and ambition. Why expend so much energy on endeavors that will ultimately fade into oblivion? The blood, sweat, and tears poured into achieving success or overcoming challenges seem wasted when viewed against the backdrop of inevitable extinction. The societal pressure to conform and achieve feels misplaced when our very existence is but a fleeting moment in the grand cosmic timeline. I find myself in a perpetual state of disconnection from the societal framework. The notion of belonging feels alien, as if I'm not meant to participate in the prescribed roles and routines. This sense of alienation isn't a cry for help but rather an acknowledgment of a deeper truth: that the constructs we cling to for meaning and purpose are fragile and often illusory.

The recognition of life's inherent futility and the artificiality of societal constructs compel me to question the very foundation of our existence.

[genderkoolaid]

hey it is super cool if u don't wanna answer this bc it's a lil explicit but. i am Struggling. i want to get phallo. very much so. but i can't imagine being satisfied with phallo unless i can ejaculate. and afaik that's not possible rn, and my bottom dysphoria is really bad, and i just. advice? i don't have any issues w current phallo results besides the ejaculation thing, and i'm seriously thinking abt just going tor it but i think having an orgasm with a penis and not being able to ejaculate will make *orgasming* dysphoria-inducing for me and. well. that's not ideal. esp after what T did to my sex drive.

I think it comes down to whether or not you feel that the benefits of getting phallo would outweigh the negatives. If that potential dysphoria from orgasming feels like it would be too much for the potential euphoria/relief to balance out, then it makes sense to not get it.

I have similar dysphoria and personally, I have found that working through internalized transandrophobia related to bottom surgery, and body positivity/neutrality in relation to penises in general, has helped me a lot in accepting the limitations of phallo and not fearing potential dysphoria (or potential non-ideal sensation) a lot. I don't want to tell you "just read some stuff and you will stop wanting a natal dick", but if you really want phallo and its just this stopping you, this could be useful to try.

First of all, keeping in mind that natal penises are extremely diverse in ability has been very helpful for me. There are natal penises that also cannot ejaculate; it in no way means that phallo penises are less than natal penises. It's just how some penises work. A lot of cis men deal with the same feelings that trans men getting phallo do. There's a lot of pressure put on people who want phallo for theirs to be perfect, otherwise its proof that phallo is bad and ugly and pointless and a mistake. So phallo penises looking "off" or not getting hard naturally or not ejaculating can feel even worse because of that internalized fear that phallo dicks will always be inferior and a mistake. But phallo doesn't need to be perfect; neither do natal dicks. Getting phallo should be about making yourself happy and fulfilled, not ticking the right boxes on How Penises Need To Work To Be Valid.

I accept that it's something I'll probably always want. But I also think about how happy it would make me, and how many other people with penises still live their lives and are happy and fulfilled while also having a penis that doesn't function perfectly. Its not some scary, ominous struggle, its just a thing a lot of people deal with, and a lot of people still find happiness with. If you can learn to accept that desire and that pain, there's a lot of people who still have a lot of good sex and are happy with their bodies despite not being able to ejaculate. I can imagine myself being one of them, and that idea feels better than my current reality. So I feel that, despite the limitations that are disappointing, its worth it for me. If some really cool advancements are made in my lifetime that I can get, that's awesome! And if not, I'll still be happy with what I'm able to get.

I don't know if this will help you, anon, but I wish you the best. I know it's genuinely hard deciding what's right for you, and it sucks that phalloplasty is still stigmatized and ignored. I hope that, whatever you end up doing with your body, you are happy.

[n3hmof1sh]

rrrraAAAAAAAAAAAHH!!!!!!! going bird mode im gonna start screeching

wwwwhfhdlkfjvkjh ii i wanna tear myself apart limb by limb like a doll. everything feels like too much everything feels WRONG I WANT IT GONE GONE GONE GET OFFFFFFFFFFFFF

ough the urge to pull my head off of my neck and jus. just get it offfff just get everything OFF!!! im not gonna do it obv but god if it wasnt painful and didnt kill me i would do it immediately. i wish i had the anatomy of a doll or robot or smth i really just wanna pick myself apart without pain or bleeding or wtv it'd feel good

and i am CHOPPING MY FOOT OFF!! IN THE SAME WAY!!! I AM PULLING IT OFF PAINLESSLY SO I DONT FEEL IT HURTING ANYMOREEE GET OFFFFFF >:(

Duuude I have to fucking go back to school on monday ofc bc school started and i can barely walk on this foot so if it doesnt heal by monday (literally in 2 days) im gonna kmsssssss (/nsrs on the kms part)

oou now that im thinking ab it i really wanna stab myself in the stomach... with a knife... like thats an urge i get a lot. I wont bc it hurts !! and would kill me !! but idk i just rlly wish i could do it without pain or risk of death bc gawd damn it'd be nice. idk i think it's smth ab the pressure of the knife going through my skin or wtv the thought of it would be rlly nice i just dont want the pain that comes with it :'3

why is the thought of harming my body smth i want so bad yet i dont want it due to it being painful like. i think there's smth wrong with my brain or smth ._.''

ANYWAY I WANT TO TEAR MYSELF TO SHREDSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS repeating myself for the 200th time i genuinely rlly wish i could just. bite and claw and scratch and stab and tear and cut and snap and break and pull apart my body without pain, like i can just put myself back together like a robot or smth.... guh maybe its smth with my sensory issues idk

mmmph. obv none of that is anything i can do irl (again for the reason of Pain and Death) but something i WOULD actually be able to do that i'd want in order to fix it is to fUCKING SWITCH WITH SOMEONE PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD I JUST WANT OUT OF THIS BODY. THIS BODY FEELS WRONG WRONG WRONGGG I WANT OUT LEMME OUT. CANT SOMEONE TAKE OVER FOR LIKE A FEW HOURS??? NO APPARENTLY NOT BC OUR FUCKASS BRAIN BE LIKE NUH UH SWITCHES ARENT AVALIABLE FOR THIS SYSTEM COME BACK NEXT WEEK

dies dies dying dies i wanna suffocate myselfffffffff /nsrs

slams head on desk

ok im done now

Hbabshe that sounds like a lot to deal with...

I get these feelings a LOT so you're definitely not alone!! I... uh.... I for once dont have advice on how to ease these feelings other than stuff that includes pain, so...

But you know what? Are you able to draw? If so, try vent art!!! I find that listening to music that suits how I feel at the moment while drawing one of my blorbos going through something worse then meeee (I will not name which Blorbo but honestly you probs already know)

Honestly, this feeling is going to come down and ambush you at least TWICE in your life, so it's best to make sure you have something to distract yourself from it to make it better!!!!!

Ahahegshs I dont exactly know how to help you with the switching fronts part since, well, yknow, Im not a perma front-stuck host........ but you're going to be okay, Wayko!!! Think of when you're older!! All the stuff you can do and how you can make yourself ten times comfortable in your skin!!!! You'll be able to get top surgery!!! You'll be able to do so much once your old enough!!!! You got this Wayko!!!!!!!!!!! Everything is going to be okay, whether it's tomorrow or the next year, it's gonna turn out okay one way or another!!!!

[grntaire]

oversharing on the internet again lol

i kinda think i should break up w my partner and im super sad and confused abt it bc like. i love him very much and he is an incredibly kind person and is rly funny and attractive and all of these things and yet. i still feel like something is missing. like i never felt a magnetism to him or butterflies or anything like that? i would get excited when he'd text me and i would look forward to seeing him but i think i just need someone who matches my energy more? i'm definitely more outgoing than he is which is ironic bc i'm really not extroverted in the traditional sense. like i can talk to ppl plenty once i'm comfortable but it takes me a bit to get there. and truthfully being the more outgoing one in a relationship is not really a pressure i can handle. i'm also like, the only one who ever suggests we go out and do stuff. i genuinely can't remember the last time or if he's ever suggested we go out on a date, ever, and ik he doesn't mostly because of money which i get, and also bc he's very much the type of person who any quality time is good quality time and doesn't need to go out on dates to know that but it's really important to me and i've told him that and he's never done anything abt it. also when we do go out i usually end up paying for the both of us bc he's a full time student rn and i was working full time for a while and could kind of afford it but also like, no i couldn't lol. that's not to say he doesn't do anything for me ever, quite the opposite, really. like i don't drive bc Trauma so he has to drive an hour just to see me and he does it gladly, he's also given me so many rides to work before too. not to say we've been too transactional bc for the most part we've been okay about it but at the end of the day i think i just feel love on like, a bigger scale than he does, or i want a love that feels bigger than this. i am definitely more of a romantic than i let myself admit and idk i am so scared that i would be settling if i stayed with him.

but also generally i'm in an odd place w my life. i'm living at home again and i'm putting off my student teaching again so i can save up money and get my breast reduction and all that and i went through a whole career crisis bc graduating college in 2020 and starting grad school immediately that fall fucking sucked and i had wicked bad burn out that i'm still recovering from and i really struggled with whether or not with my love for music and if i still wanted to teach it. im finally in a place where i know its what i love and it's what i want to do, though, which is nice. i also need to restart therapy (doing so at the end of the month) and work thru my trauma so i can get my license bc oh man is it catching up to me and dealing w the guilt of ppl having to drive me places is slowly driving me nuts. so part of me is like idk maybe its not him maybe its everything else. or maybe its all of it. but it just feel like my life right now is so crowded and i just cant handle it all and my gut is saying i need space from him. but i'll miss him so much, too. fuck this fucking sucks lmao

[giselberts]

List 5 things that make you happy, then put this in the askbox for the last 10 people who liked or reblogged something from you! get to know your mutuals and followers (ू•‧̫•ू⑅)♡ (only do this if u want lol, no pressure at all!!!)

HOH yes!! in no particular order:

writing - i have so many little ideas in my brain that never get too far with some exceptions, and many of my story ideas have no ends, but i really like creating universes and stories! and some of them lead to interesting things, like my fics have lead to me making mods, or one of them becoming a game i'm doing right now for my final uni project! i'm actually looking into whether or not i should do a game designer course in the future so that i can properly pitch my writings and ideas into games :)

video games - i'm studying to be a game dev now, so uh. yeah video games kind of make me happy!!! these days i'm more into analysing games rather than like... fully immerse myself into them, but even if i end up playing a game that i wouldn't normally like, being able to analyse it and dissect it is also somehow fun, so no matter what, i always come on top!! (that one article about analysing the level design/structure of bethesda games lives rent free in my brain. i used to be meh about fallout but reading that article about its design changed how i feel about it??)

cooking - there's something so fun about making things from scratch and seeing them come together into a wonderful delicious thing :) i have this weird thing where i love the taste of some things but hate their texture so i don't always end up eating what i make which is sad but it's still fun to do!! i like the more science-y aspect of cooking? like... learning about maillard reactions, about the balance of sweet/savoury/acidity, about flavour profiles... its fun and interesting but it also makes me cry when i see my grandma not use any spice or salt in her food. does she want me to die.

creating - it's a general term, but making something by yourself and see it come together... its the best feeling :) like holy shit my hands made that!!! i've always been kind of into sewing (on a doll scale, not on a human scale) and embroidery, and i'm still bad at it but it's so nice to see how much i improve everytime i try, and it's a good motivator :)

my cats - they're just funny little guys. one of them taught himself how to use the toilet like a regular person. the other is just about to figure how to open doors (but he isnt tall enough). together they're little idiots but they're my idiots !!

[sylvanianfamiliez]

going to be autistic on here abt bjd eyes

i’ve been experimenting w trying to make bjd eyes for years at this point and im like confident in my skills but i’m struggling to find the right materials. i watch a lot of various eye makers’ tutorials to see what they use but the problem i always find is that most of them don’t seem to worry abt how the eyes will hold up longterm, which is smth i rly want for mine. like using uv resin for the base will yellow so bad….not to mention the health effects

so it’s like health + longevity that bothers me. i don’t want to use toxic materials for my eyes and risk my health for it. stop using resin without proper ventilation and shit inside your home. please.

my best bet rn is polymer clay for the bases and it works great but the major problem i have is dust in the pure white of the eyes…gonna try some ways of minimising this but i also can’t spend all my energy trying to reduce dust in my environment bcuz it’ll give me a heart attack from the stress. plus i can’t seem to get it to smoosh perfectly in the silicone molds…it’s always got some dents. that’s probably just practice though

so for the dust my thinking was maybe i’d just cover it in acrylic paint after, but acrylic paint stays a bit sticky and attracts dust anyway so. it kinda cancels out. i’ve thought about other materials to use as a base but it always comes back to yellowing. i wondered whether maybe thermoplastic could work but i couldn’t find anything about the yellowing rates so, maybe i’ll try it and leave it sometime but i don’t have high hopes

but then ofc there’s the problem of The Oven. i make the irises out of polymer clay bcuz that’s what works best for me. i’ve never been able to use pastels for my colours bcuz it just looks gross and grainy and muddy no matter what i do, so polymer clay is pretty non negotiable. which means whatever i use for the bases has to be oven safe

and the bubbles in the domes as well…it’d be good to get a pressure chamber someday but that’s a more serious piece of kit than i have room for rn. laeli suggested trying a vibrator to agitate the bubbles which i wanna try so bad lol. but i need to get the resin first….i wanna try art resin cuz it’s supposed to be non toxic so i could use it indoors. and i saw some tests where it was super resistant to yellowing as well. so it sounds perfect but since it’s 2 part resin i’d have to have a lot of eyes prepped beforehand so i don’t waste it all as it’s not cheap !!

im thinking about seeing if i could do the bases with art resin as well but since it’s only non toxic on its own cuz it doesn’t react with anything else in the air, i don’t know what pigments i could use if any. apparently their pigments they make are kinda ass and i’d need it to be a really solid white. they also don’t sell the pigments individually afaik. i’d like to try a white gel pigment but again !! i don’t know how it’ll react. it’d probably be fine but i wish i had the info…..plus i don’t know if it would just melt in the oven. you shouldn’t really put resin in the oven. and if it worked i’d definitely want to get my own little oven sooner as i’m just experimenting w the kitchen one first….bcuz it comes back to the toxic fumes. but even if i did that’s also. having the space for it

UAGH !! you see why i am going round in circles….i wish i could be one of those girlies that just fucks up their lungs and makes eyes that go yellow in 2 years and be happy but unfortunately i care for both myself and my product. i think i’m gonna have to just work on making my space dust free for the white polymer clay but I DONT WANNAAAAAA

[duckprintspress]

Meet Aether Beyond the Binary Contributor Zel Howland

We’re solidly through the first week of the crowdfunding campaign for our next anthology, Aether Beyond the Binary. We’re 55% funded (yay!) and inching toward our goal slowly but surely (I post daily funding goals and progress toward them on our Bluesky account, if you’re curious). The campaign ends on January 25th, 2024; between then and now, we need to raise $6,038 more to fund the publishing of this awesome collection of modern aetherpunk stories staring characters outside the gender binary!

Today, we introduce the fifth of our 17 authors: Zel Howland!

About Zel Howland: Zel (they/she) is a writer and artist currently living in Los Angeles with their partner. When not writing, they spend their time painting, embroidering, analyzing literature and tv shows, and playing Dungeons & Dragons. They are the author of many a fanfiction, as well as the novel The Shadow of Ophelia Walker.

Links: Archive of Our Own | Tumblr

This is Zel’s third publication with Duck Prints Press. Her short story Chrysopoeia (dark fantasy, f/f) is available at duckprintspress.com and her story The Lightkeeper and the Sea (dark modern fantasy, f/nb) is a Patreon exclusive. Both stories are in the Contributor Short Story Bundle campaign add-on! Learn more about Zel’s publishing career.

An Interview with Zel Howland

When and why did you begin creating?

I was always a voracious reader as a kid, and that sort of naturally lead to me trying to write my own stories. When I was about ten or eleven, I came up with a story that borrowed heavily from the Chronicles of Narnia, and I even managed to eke out 75 pages of bad, bad writing before getting discouraged. I still came back to writing though, and the intervening years of practice and failure taught me a lot about my craft and myself.

Are you a pantser, a planner, or a planster? What’s your process look like?

Planner, definitely! I spend as much time worldbuilding and outlining as I do actually writing. I usually have 3-4 outlines for each story (sometimes more for novels!), starting with a brainstorm outline, then getting gradually more detailed until the final outline functions almost as a first draft. They said make your first drafts shitty, and I really took that advice and ran with it.

What’s your favorite part of the creation process?

For writing, I love the first draft–or for me, also known as my final outline. I really love putting the story down on the page in all its messy glory, without the pressure of having to come up with the perfect turn of phrase or spending hours buried in a thesaurus. For art, rendering light and shadows will always be my favorite part. I love taking something flat and turning it into a three-dimensional object with just a little bit of time and care.

What are your favorite tropes?

I really love stories about the Other, whether they’re full horror or exploring other aspects of it. In school I took a class on Gothic Literature that stuck with me so much that I look for character mirroring and fear of the Other in everything I read or watch–there’s more than you might think, even in the most tame narratives! As far as fic goes, mutual pining is what I live and breathe–the kind where both characters are convinced the other doesn’t even like them. I love pretty much every trope that follows from that, from fake relationships to two person love triangles.

What are your favorite character archetypes?

I’ve always loved the manipulative types, especially hyper-competent ones. Characters that aren’t necessarily physically skilled or popular, but who have managed by way of a powerful intellect to pull all the strings so that everyone else is dancing to their tune. I especially love it when these characters aren’t unrepentantly evil, or even villains (although a good villain in this vein is pretty damn fun).

What are your favorite resources and tools for your craft?

I will always, always tout Scrivener as the best writing software available, period. It has so many different functionalities that I couldn’t possibly list them all, and probably don’t even know them all! My favorite functions are the corkboard for brainstorming, the split screen and reference pop-out for easy access to previous drafts or outlines, and the folders where I can organize my many, many outlines and resources without worrying about finding them again. For digital art, I’ve recently begun playing around with Rebelle, and I really love it. I’ve always been more comfortable with physical mediums, and Rebelle replicates both the feel and the look of mediums like oil or watercolor while maintaining the functionality of digital art (undo button and layers, my beloved). I’m still learning, but so far it’s been perfect for me.

What’s your favorite medium to work in? Why?

I love oil painting! It’s a very forgiving medium to work with–plus it has such a good texture, and there’s so much about mixing paint and doing glazes that are meditative and peaceful.

Which of your own creations is your favorite? Why?

I really love the story I produced for Aether Beyond the Binary. I came into writing it after three years of chronic illness that kept me from writing at all, and I think the silver lining was that I was able to come at the concept and the story from a different direction than I normally would have. Plus, it was my first time writing from the perspective of a character with the same gender identity as me, which felt like a boulder being lifted from my shoulders!

If you could give one piece of advice to a new creator who came to you for help, what would that advice be?

Learn the rules, and then break them! Understanding why certain conventions are popular and always recommended will ultimately help you figure out the best way to ignore the recommendations altogether, and find your own way of doing things.

Zel’s Contribution to Aether Beyond The Binary 

Title: Flower and Rot

Art – Zel did art to accompany this story (will not be included in the published anthology, but still, look at it, it’s so cool and shiny!!!).

Tags: bipoc, body horror (graphic descriptions), break-up (past), california, character injury (serious), death of a parent (past), found family, jewish, los angeles, magic use, modern with magic, mystery, natural disaster, non-binary, past tense, pov first person, private investigator, second chances, self-esteem issues, suicide (mentions of), systemic inequality, telepathic bond, trans man, undeath, united states of america

Excerpt:

Four dozen minds linked by Aether watched me through thousands of leaves and roots and flowers as I hurried away. Their attention bored into my back right up to the moment I switched off the Aethercoil and the flow of Aether abruptly stopped. The grove became just an unusually lush garden. I was alone once more.

The thing growing inside my eye stopped too, but I couldn’t afford to hope that it had shriveled away without Aether to feed it. My vision was still cloudy in that eye, and the whole area was delicate and tender.

Spitting rain formed halos around the streetlights as I reached the drugstore parking lot. I clumsily fished for my keys with my left hand, keeping the right firmly covering my eye. My shitty sedan was the only car in the lot, but I checked every line of sight around me before stepping into the driver’s seat. I was pretty sure I was alone.

I couldn’t take the chance that I was wrong.

I already knew what I would see, but I had to know how fucked I was. I pulled down the visor and flipped open the mirror.

Rot.

Intrigued? You’ll have to buy the anthology to read more! Come check out our Kickstarter campaign!!

[soracities]

Helloooo I'd love some advice please. So I went out on a couple of very lowkey dates with this guy I've known for about 13 years. We went to school together and I kind of befriended his friend group when we were around 13-14 (he was a grade below me) and then kept in contact with only him throughout the years, but that mostly included periods of us chatting online and never hanging out irl (we were honestly only school friends even in the beginning). He kind of told me he loved me out of nowhere when we were maybe 16-17 and I freaked out, and we never really talked about it and I'm not sure if he was serious about it. Due to some personal stuff I have a very hard time dealing with people (mostly guys') interest in me, at least when they straight up ask me out etc. Anyway, flash forward and we lost contact not for any particular reason, but he moved back to the area a couple of years ago and we randomly saw each other on walks and would walk together a bit. We've been talking a little throughout the past two years and he suddenly asked me out in the spring. I of course freaked out, but am trying to get over this weird fear I have and just give it a shot and see where it might lead. The problem is that he's shown that he's interested for over 10 years while I myself am not, really, so I reckon I wonder if it's "ethical" to agree to the dates even if I don't see him like that (yet)? On one hand it's just two dates where nothing happened. That's what dates are, right? Getting to know people to see if you'd work out. But on the other I wonder if it's mean to "waste" his time if it might not lead to anything? Gah, I don't know. I've also been trying to date women (no luck there) this spring and summer, and now I feel like I have to put that on pause because I feel weird about dating several people even if nothing's been said. I decided at the beginning of the year to try out the whole dating thing, being nearly 28 and never been with anyone, but I'm afraid of hurting him while also not wanting to really get into the whole "what are we" thing because right now we're not really anything to me but a curiosity. Is that bad?

Your feelings aren't "bad" necessarily—feelings just are, and there are reasons underlying them that relate to your own particular constellation of circumstances. But I do think it is unfair to keep seeing him without being clear on where you stand with him, especially if he has consistently shown you he's interested, and especially if he has very deep feelings for you; I know it was ten years ago, but I think it may help for you to talk to him about his confession when you were teenagers and find out exactly where he stands now, because I think this could be necessary for both of you.

Dating is about getting to know someone, absolutely, yes—but I do think there's a difference between dating someone to find out if you're both on the same page, and dating someone where you know one of you definitely isn't. I also think it can put a lot of pressure on yourself to try and date someone, for the first time in your life, whom you already have some kind of pre-established "history" with—it's daunting enough to try and date for the first time, to get used to the idea of being able to accept someone's interests in you, let alone to learn how to open yourself up and be vulnerable enough to let them care for you, let alone, again, the prospect of someone offering very real romantic intentions that you don't know whether or not you can reciprocate—it creates a whole new confused medley of obligations, expectations and anxieties that may just feed into the fears and difficulties you already have when it comes to people being openly interested in you, and all this in turn can make it difficult for you to discern what it is that YOU truly want and need.

Again, I don't believe much in marking feelings as "bad" ( or "good" for that matter); I try to see them as indicators more than anything, and I think its important to try and understand those indicators and what they're trying to tell you about particular situations so that you can be mindful of your intentions in them; in this, I think it's very important for you to ask yourself if you're curiosity is in fact informed by some level of genuine interest (I don't want to make presumptions so I can only go by your ask, but based on what you've described this seems unlikely to me), or if it is just that you wanted to try dating and that he happens to be interested and happens to be close at hand (because I think it can be's very easy sometimes, especially if you're conscious of never having been with someone and are trying to change this, to confuse the two).

More than anything I think the best thing you can do for yourself is be honest with him (you may not want to hurt him, but not being honest with either of you about how you feel will cause more hurt than being upfront) and clarify where his feelings for you stand. If they haven't changed in all these years then it definitely isn't a good idea to continue seeing him, for either of you—you both deserve the freedom to explore potential relationships with people who are better suited to where you are in your lives right now. I don't know if any of this helps, but I hope you can take something from it, anon 🤍