#Sorry this is so fuckin long lol this is a huge topic

[stjohnstarling]

Hello! Love 'What Manner of Man'! It inspired me to make my own vintage gay story myself!

But I'm having an issue with outlining, since outlining a novel feels more close-ended than a longer-form serial novel is.

Do you have any advice? Or resources, etc?

So you have no way of knowing this, but I am actually obsessed with story structure. It’s maybe the part of storytelling I’ve spent the most time consciously working with, so sorry in advance because I’m about to go on a dubiously helpful monologue. It’s a bit tricky for me to answer about resources, since the things I used when I was learning have been lost to the sands of time. That being said I have a couple pieces of advice:

If you don’t know what you’re doing, don’t be afraid to find a template. I wish I could link you a good one but I don’t have any on hand. When I was first learning to write novels, I actually found a few different standard novel structure templates and used them to outline a bunch of novels I never intended to write, as practice. Bad and silly ones that were just fun to play with, where there was no pressure to write anything I’d ever want anyone to see. My background is in music, so my instinct when I don’t know how to do something is to isolate that element and practice it on its own, and it’s never steered me wrong.*

But more than that - what you’re feeling as closed-ended is that you’re trying to write a story with structure, as opposed to one that is mostly improvised. I remember feeling this too, when I first started exploring writing novels, but this is one of those cases where limitations are actually what gives you freedom.

Structure is part of the artistry of storytelling - just like poetry has forms like sonnets and sestinas, and songs have verses, bridges, and choruses. You know intuitively the structure of a pop song, and that heightens the pleasure of listening to one as you anticipate the build up to the chorus. Stories are like this too. The structure is an important part of the audience’s enjoyment of the final piece, whether they know it or not.

I’ll give an example. Season one of AMC’s The Terror is a piece of fiction that is structured with some serious artistry, above and beyond just good craftsmanship, its structure is a crucial part of how it creates meaning. As a result a lot of what its fans do is analyze it for parallels in its storytelling. I don’t think many of them would articulate what they enjoy about it as “this is a well structured story,” but the structure is actually one of the main things the fandom engages with.

More than any writing resource, the best way to learn is to study and analyze stories you admire - why things are put in a certain order and why events fall at the points in the story that they do. When are you anticipating, when are you experiencing catharsis, where in the story do those things happen? Explore widely! You don’t have to limit yourself to novels! Movies are great for getting a basic understanding of how you can structure a story because the time and space requirements they’re subject to mean movies tend to be very rigidly structured. There’s no time to mess around like there is in long forms of fiction like novels.

I encourage you to embrace structure as a part of the art and a potential tool for expression and beauty! I can’t tell you how rewarding it is.

*I am aware that this advice does not work for a lot of people, so if it doesn’t work for you that is also perfectly fine! Everyone is different.

[indescriptequilibrium]

ok b4 i make these damn credit requests n send reports to customers i gotta write a bit of testicles philosophy that's been clankin around inside my cranium for a while. if u don't wanna read bout stuff like this pls scroll by but if u do pls bear with me while i talk about an incredibly sensitive topic that's almost impossible to tackle with any level of seriousness due to the Absurdity of transness

so im gettin neutered in 2,5 weeks. this has been a long time comin n now it's suddenly crystalized into a tangible date that's rly close (close enough that it alrdy caused sum Despair n schedulin stress on my part cuz im a anxious scaredy cat (sorry n thank u<3)). this is a huge fuckin deal. i've had dysphoria bout these guys for as long as i can fuckin remember. i'm nowadays pretty ok w/ havin a dick, but the accessories r abysmal n need to go.

first things first, they're uncomfortable. anyone who has some will attest that life w/ balls is at best bearable (mens underwear n pants leave a lot of space for convenience) n at worst horrid n painful (to safekeep reproductive capabilities they're equipped w/ a frankly ludicrous amount of nerve endings). i'm in almost a constant state of mild-to-severe discomfort cuz i'm very dysphorically aware of them at most times, like rn. they're always moving around no matter how well secured in place n the more u secure them in place the more uncomfortable it can get. n Adjusting their position especially in public no matter how stealthy i am about it makes me feel like some kind of a pervert cuz well i AM grabbing n moving my junk around. ugh. so this is very much a dysphoric "THIS BODY PART DOESNT BELONG" type situation.

secondly, i do NOT want to reproduce, especially not via inseminating someone. that's a horrid thought n makes me feel like some kind of a gigeresque parasite-spewing breeding maschine. note: this is a Personal Feeling, making n having babies is a perfectly normal thing to want to do. but i do not have the need to do it via my own biology.

third, FORM FACTOR. fuckin gods i own so many pieces of clothing that will finally fit nicely when im free of the two pain orbs attached near a very critical part of pants n underwear. i've looked at n adored how pants fit ppl without this kind of junk in the way forever n been so so envious even b4 i had the language to describe it. i rly hope it's as comfortable as i imagine it.

fourthly, i kno it's not a requirement to be an androgynous person to lack reproductive ability, but shit fuck godsdamn it, it will help with the feeling. kinda like how changin my legal gender was altogether very unimpactful (as it should be tbh...), but gave me self-confidence n entitlement in my identity. the idea of being physically something between genders is amazing n freeing as hell. masculinity has weighed heavy on my shoulders n this'll take some of the load off. stop giggling

fifth n final point that i have in mind rn: i can stop takin fucking spironolactone!!!!!!!! im convinced just this will be a huge quality of life improvement, i'm so dried up it's crazy. i piss like every couple of hours n my lower lip has been chapped af for weeks. t1d dries u up already i rly don't need an additional drug doing that. plus i'm p sure spiro has some side effects goin that i'm not even aware of but i'm eager to find out what changes.

all in all this is HUGE. i'm gonna probs cope w/ the wait w/ a lot of humor n some of this humor will make me more dysphoric (dysphoria has been growing the whole winter) but pls bear with my ballsposting soon i'll stop talking about them forever and i rly have NOT mentioned the guys ever cuz of the dysphoria so final chance to say goodbye i guess? lol. anyway gotta work now bye hope this was somehow revelatory re: my feelings w/ this whole issue for those of u who r for some reason interested in the general genital situation lmao

[monstersinthecosmos]

Anne has written countless sex scenes. Vampires are not ace. Some are. Gabrielle for example. She's also trans, or gender queer. But broadly claiming them all as ace has no grounds at all. You assume that sex has to involve genitals. It doesn't.

So I received this anon within like literal minutes of making this post, which TLDR said hey can we stop invalidating every time someone has an ace read of VC. And I debated whether or not to answer this because frankly, I find it quite mean-spirited and rude in context to the post I made, and as a rule I don't really like to publish salty anons in my space. 

I also don't feel like a long response is necessarily warranted here because you don’t seem interested in a conversation and I’m not sure it’s productive to discuss this to you directly when you might not hear it. I have, many times in fandom, been laughed at for being too passionate or vulnerable and if you’re the type of person who’s gonna shut down what I have to say by making fun of me, I can’t do anything about that. That's a You Problem. Still, I can talk about this topic because it's important to me and because I want to, and the fact that I received this message in my inbox at all proves to me I need to talk about it even more lol.

And honestly, I REALLY hate the vague post bullshit culture on tumblr, like I've always tried to qualify my posts by saying I'm not the only person with an opinion that matters. No one has to agree with me and I know that fandom is not a monolith and I cannot possibly capture every person’s perspective at all times. And honestly? I shouldn’t have to. None of us should have to. It takes very little for someone to just read a post with good faith and not assume the worst of somebody for sharing something personal that doesn’t match their exact life experience. And I've always been open to a conversation if I get something wrong, I think I have a pretty good track record of being genuine about that. 

Cause I can just see it already that if i respond to this rude, worst-faith-possible anon with a huge essay, people are gonna be like LMAAAO IT BOTHERED YOU SO MUCH and like so what if it bothers me? I'm a fucking person, dude.  Like I have feelings just like everyone else? Idk man like I'm not a fuckin edgelord 22 year old who thinks having feelings is cringe, sorry I want to be a person. Yes it bothers me. I don't appreciate this. It's fucking rude and you know it's rude.

But I want to repeat some of the points I made in case you missed them, also because of the overwhelming support I've gotten from fellow aces in fandom. This is exactly the type of attitude I was talking about. I said "There is room for an ace read and you don't have to invalidate asexuals to share your version" and you immediately (within minutes of me posting) come to me saying that I have "no grounds" and then explain genitals to me. Thank you! I appreciate the stereotype that you think I've never had sex, that's very forward thinking .

I'll repeat something I said in my original post in case you missed it: My point is that you don't have to invalidate aces to share your opinion.

Let's get into this though.

"Anne has written countless sex scenes."

This is funny because it depends if you think the sex has to involve genitals (I don't think it does) and it depends if you read a vampire pleasuring a human as mutually satisfying. Some examples I can think of are: Armand watching Daniel with others, Lestat eating out that chick in Memnoch, all the Marius/Armand content, Marius & Armand with Bianca,  & that weird shit in Vittorio. Even so I wouldn't necessarily call that "countless", I think I can actually list these scenes on my fingers lol. 

Like this is what I'm saying. I can read those scenes as vampires playing with their food and offering a physical human experience. I really love this dynamic between Daniel & Armand in particular as sEEN BY THE MESS THAT IS MY AO3 PAGE LOL, because it's a constant push-pull of miscommunication of how to physically pleasure each other.

I'll repeat something I said in my original post in case you missed it: You don't have to invalidate the aces in fandom by denying it so loudly. 

And like, yes she has written countless scenes! The other half of her career was erotica!!! But the vampires were specifically not sexual. She talked about it a lot. This is a quote I really like from her: 

"I see the vampires as deeply loving all sorts of people. Once they are made vampires, they transcend gender and sexual desire. Their loves have to do with the essence of the person."

I can think of twice in VC where two vampires have sex, and both were Pandora/Marius in her book. 

Which brings me to:

"Vampires are not ace."

Both Marius/Pandora scenes are full of commentary about how it feels like nothing. That they're capable of doing it (same goes for Ursula/Vittorio) but that it's useless and doesn't excite either of them. It’s not a matter of their parts not working, it’s a matter of them not desiring sex. 

There are also three examples I can think of where vampires are experiencing sex for their own pleasure: the two scenes in TOBT when Lestat is in the human body and his fuckin like vampire sex injection in PL. And this is a larger conversation about what asexuality means and I’m happy to entertain all angles, because this is a conversation about “does the Dark Gift fundamentally change your sexuality or does it stay with you in your mind?” (My entire point was that it DOES change your sexuality if you do an asexual read, even though I stated it wasn’t the only read.) But I personally see Lestat as wanting these things out of curiosity for the experience. Even in TOBT when he’s trying to get with David he’s making it more about needing to get to fuck a man while he still has the body, ie: an experience. 

This resonates with me a lot!!!! I know a lot of ace people who are into sex conceptually like kink, or who will try it sometimes out of curiosity. Everyone I’ve fucked in the past 10 years since I accepted my asexuality was out of curiosity LOL. It’s a thing that ace people can do, we’re not all sex-repulsed.

I want to share a quote from the AVEN website--which I really recommend to EVERYONE because it’s a great resource-- ”Many asexual people may experience forms of attraction that can be romantic, aesthetic, or sensual in nature but do not lead to a need to act out on that attraction sexually.”

I'll repeat something I said in my original post in case you missed it: … it's this thing in the universe that they are no longer restrained by human social constructs. They love everyone, they can be attracted to anyone. But similarly, they don't have sex, and that attraction is not sexual in nature. Asexuality does not mean celibacy, but it does mean you are not experiencing sexual attraction.

This point that Pandora makes, the evidence that it feels like nothing and means nothing, also goes back to the idea of servicing a human as a favor to them that the vampire doesn't receive pleasure from. 

Another helpful quote from AVEN: “Asexual people may still feel physical pleasure from activities that are sensual, but not sexual. This may include things like cuddling, kissing, or other forms of physical contact or embrace that fall short of sex while still fulfilling their needs. Different people have different levels of intimacy they require, and that’s no less true for asexual people – aside from not needing sex.”

As a counterpoint to your claim that there are “countless” sex scenes, I’d say there are countless examples of vampires explaining that sex feels like nothing and they only want to drink blood. 

I'll repeat something I said in my original post in case you missed it: (There is of course space here to translate what hunger/Blood means in regards to sexuality and I get that. You can read it more than one way.)

To come at me like I stated this is an absolute is really unfair, like. Again I’m here wondering if this is worth responding to because it’s in such horrifically bad faith, but. I think fandom needs to see this. 

I say: There is ample evidence in the text that the vampires can be read as ace, even if you see other ways to read it, but being a dick about it is not necessary.

You, immediately in my inbox: Being a dick about it.

Cool, got it.

“Gabrielle for example. She's also trans, or gender queer.”

I’m really curious your logic on this one, because Gabrielle was never confirmed trans or genderqueer. I don’t understand why you’re allowed to state this as an absolute, but I’m not allowed to say that vampires can be read as asexual.

I'll repeat something I said in my original post in case you missed it: Basically, I think younger folks in fandom need to understand that ace identity is still fairly new, especially considering how old these books are. I mean even AR herself spoke often about how she was genderfluid or non-binary without once ever adopting it as an identity. Perhaps she wasn't aware? I barely expect regular people TODAY to know about asexuality. I have to explain it every time I come out to somebody. I don't expect 20, 30, 40 year old novels to get it.

Anne Rice spoke often about gender, both in regards to herself and to her work. We see this several times in her books, too. Gabrielle is the most beloved, but Bianca was doing stuff like this too. 

Fans even asked Anne if Gabrielle was trans, and she said no. 

But I like the idea that Gabrielle is trans! I think it reads!!!!! It totally makes sense. But I see the way Anne spoke about her OWN gender and I wonder if she didn’t have the tools to articulate it back in the 70s/80s. That was the point I made about asexuality as well. 

It doesn’t have to be literal, on the page. Lestat doesn’t have to tell us he’s ace in those words. 

I'll repeat something I said in my original post in case you missed it: I don't think she wrote them intentionally to be ace rep.

In fact, there’s a really interesting timeline of the history of asexuality as we know it, like when it was first discussed, when the term was coined as we use it today, etc. It’s almost entirely confined to academic papers in the 70s & 80s when this universe was being built. I also think it does good to remember that tumblr is an echochamber and you’re probably surrounded by likeminded queer people, and the reality is that the normies outside do not know what asexuality is. It’s STILL barely discussed. 

And there is such a rich history of literature where characters are queer-coded, whether intentionally or not, because the author either wasn’t allowed to talk about it or didn’t know how to talk about it. There are so many historical figures that we are looking back on and asking if they were actually trans. Ask how often queer theory involves combing over old texts for clues lol.

There are also several points in VC that imply autistic/neurodiverse traits in the characters and like. That was not talked about until quite recently. So many times you see these traits in older novels and you have to wonder if the author was modeling it after themselves or someone they knew, and it’s interesting to wonder what it was based on. But just because it’s not on the page, literally, doesn’t mean it can’t be discussed. Especially books from decades where these concepts weren't readily available to the general public.

Anyway, I'll repeat something I said in my original post in case you missed it: The way you read the book isn't the ONLY way to read it, and there's space for everybody. And no one is asking you not to read your version or have your headcanons. You can do all those things without telling ace fans that they're wrong.

“You assume that sex has to involve genitals. It doesn't.”

Tbh I’m a little lost on this point because I’m not sure where I said that, but in case you missed it, I did say: I'm not really thrilled about some of the conversations I see in VC fandom around asexuality. 

Like, again. Yknow what, I try really hard to be kind to people in this fandom, and I’ve always done my best to be approachable, but this is such a condescending, fucked up thing to message to a stranger. 

(I also said: Like, I'm not here to give a sex ed lesson, but asexuality is a spectrum.) 

Honestly how dare you. I don’t even know what to say to this. Thanks for allosplaining genitals to me, Anonymous Tumblr User Who Has Never Met Me. 

“But broadly claiming them all as ace has no grounds at all.”

I saved this one for last because what a completely preposterous thing to say.

I'll repeat something I said in my original post in case you missed it: So basically, I don't want to hear that VC vampires aren't asexual. Even if it's imperfect or unintentional, there is room for that reading. 

I’m not sure what you hoped to accomplish by dropping this in my inbox, to be honest. Like, I said numerous times all over the post that there’s more than one way to read it and you don’t need to be an asshole to people. 

I think YOU claiming that there’s no grounds at all has no grounds at all! HOW BOUT THAT!

Like there is AMPLE evidence in the text, I’ve pointed a few parts out but like, ??? Did we read the same books? 

I love this topic, honestly. I said so in my post about how it made me feel seen and less weird reading these books, and you can see in the notes on my post that it isn’t an uncommon response to VC. This resonated with a lot of people. 

But I’m not gonna sit here and go through all of it on your ask, because frankly the aces in fandom deserve better than that. We deserve to talk about this when we feel like it without acephobes jumping in our inboxes to tell us we’re wrong. We shouldn’t have to be on the defense every time it comes up, and have to fight for space in a fandom for books about arguably asexual vampires. Like idk maybe I’m an Old Person but I’m not sure when Don’t Like Don’t Read fell out of fashion. If you don’t like asexual reads of VC, you could simply continue to scroll and not take time out of your day to hurt someone’s feelings! How did it make you feel to tell me I'm wrong? What was the outcome supposed to be?

You aren’t even the fuckin first, that’s what’s so sad about this. I say, “It would be nice if people could discuss asexuality in VC without a bunch of dickheads trying to invalidate us” and you saw that as an opportunity lol. And I’m glad to share this ask as an example, because this does happen, and it’s honestly so sad.  

It’s absolutely laughable for you to say there’s no grounds. I don’t even know where to start, it’s all over every one of the books lol. 

And tbh I not going to try to make more points about this. It’s done to death. And for you to come in my inbox saying this is just honestly so insincere. 

Every other day I’m seeing posts from people saying they wish this fandom wasn’t so nasty to each other and it’s like. I don’t get it, why are you behaving like this?

As a policy I try not to post salty anons, and as a policy I try to be friendly and approachable to everyone, but I didn’t survive being violently bullied as a kid to lie down for mean jerks on tunglr dot com.

This isn’t something I tolerate and I’m going to publish it so that everyone else knows they don't have to tolerate it either. 

I hope people write more about asexuality in VC and bring up more meta and quotes and all the other ways it comes up and that they feel safe doing so, because this is honestly ridiculous. Anne did enough damage to this fandom HERSELF, there’s no need for this infighting and high school bullshit. 

I'll repeat something I said in my original post in case you missed it:  I just think in some of these fandom conversations it wouldn't hurt to be more sensitive to these other takes, because it was personal for us too.

I’m not sure how you took my post as an invitation to invalidate my read, tell me there’s no room for my interpretation, and mansplain my orientation to me while simultaneously erasing my experience of it. I can’t see a situation where a person does this for any purpose except to be hurtful.

So idk man, mission accomplished I guess?

[lostjulys]

okay not have huge brainrot on main (who am i kidding i dont even have sideblogs lmao) BUT. cranboo likes to grind and shit right? it wouldnt be outlandish to think he knows alchemy and stuff pretty well right? what im saying is he makes creams and meds for both tommy and tubbo. for skin, for joints. maybe like. smelling stuff that isnt really meds but helps with panic for tommy for example (when he hurts and it reminds him too much of dying) anyways i am going to be thinking about this for days

OH......... yes yes yes i love this so fucking much. good. good soup. like if he's spent that long grinding & making perfectly enchanted armor and potions and stuff it entirely makes sense that he'd be good at alchemy too. gd that's so good... he can't understand what they've gone through, but he can do his best to make things gentle for them from now on.......

thinking abt nlm cbeeduo & cranboo is slightly worried all the time abt ctubbo because he sees the empty potions bottles and how often he's out of it n stumbles sometimes & he goes in for the intervention but ctubbo is just like. "boss man sorry that's what happens when you chug six healing potions a day so you can do executive business without fucking collapsing lol." and ranboo doesn't know what the hell happened that he needs that, but he knows that that's worryingly unhealthy, and even if he's a kinda shit minutes man he's a good alchemist and he finds tubbo one day & goes "ok this one is safe to take daily, don't you dare chug it or you'll astral project into the end, this one can help you sleep too if you have problems with that?-sorry if thats rude you just have like pretty big eye bags- this is a scar cream? it's like a topical analgesic-" etc.

also i think. ctommy n ranboo definitely have a Lot of shared experiences irt 2 chronic pain n stuff? they both have Achy Bones n Bad Joints and have a small, ongoing war over who gets which heated blanket. & also uh shared trauma irt to sudden & violent panic attacks & flashbacks. so they fuckin. they get eachother. n they help each other and stuff. yeah. they. loyalduo ;--; also HELLO i have so fucking many thoughts all of the time abt ctommy being afraid of pain & panicking when he's hurt and shit.........like that. that really fucking sucks. holy shit. thats gotta interfere with ur life on a very fundamental level.

[fansarewaiting]

space asks: the zodiac signs

sorry it took so long to answer this haha. i had to look up the zodiac signs lmaooo. thanks so much for asking so many!

Aquarius - what’s a topic you enjoy learning about?

i enjoy learning about philosophy/psychology. it always interests me how people’s brains work, and how that kind of relates to their thoughts about the world and deep thinking like that

Aries - what is something you enjoy doing?

i love reading, but also sleeping, but also tumblr.

Cancer - how do you want to be remembered?

for being worthy i guess, wow that’s sad lol, uhhh, for being kind let’s go with that

Capricornus - what’s a song lyric that you relate to?

i’ll get back to you on that, i’m not sure yet [insert song lyric here]

Gemini - do you have any siblings? how many?

i have one younger sister

Leo - if you could change the way any movie was made,

i would change all of the gross claymation movies to NOT be claymation cause fuck that, it’s horrifying and i hate it and i’m not sorry don’t @ me

Libra - if you could talk to your past self,

i would tell myself to keep doing you but try to understand math better and talk to more people even if i think they won’t like me

Pisces - describe someone you love without saying their name

i’m gonna describe two people because i love two people and what are rules?

first person: a darling girl from across the pond who i bonded early with here on tumblr about two boys that we love. i can message her any time and expect to hear back from her when she wakes up with the same level of enthusiasm to talk to me. we freak out over our beautiful boys and share about our lives. it’s so comforting to have a friend like that who loves you and cares about the happy and sad things in your life, even if you’ve never met her. she a babe too ;)

second person: my fuckin love, this girl is a little less far away but equally important in my heart. i met her on discord and while she is younger than me by a significant amount of years she can match me (read: beat me) in tbs and other stan thirst and honestly how could you have a friend better than that? she has the magic touch of being able to bring people together (i’m lookin at you babe squad) and share her creativity with us. she’s so generous with her time and compassion. if you ever need a queen, this girl is her. her writing talent makes you wanna cry sometimes, and i always want her to follow her dreams and do well for herself in life, because she deserves it

hey look it turned into a sappy post, thanks a lot victoria

Sagittarius - what do you do when you don’t feel well? what do you eat/drink?

i drink Emergen-C which is a vitamin C supplement to boost my immune system, and chicken noodle soup, or i just eat any form of chocolate available. otherwise i cuddle up and try to sleep. i am of the belief that sleep heals/solves everything. so far it’s worked for me with my feelings AND my health, so we’ll just keep doing that for now. it also helps to talk it out with someone if i’m feeling unwell emotionally. my mom is usually my go-to person.

Scorpius - if you had to pick someone to betray you,

of course, I would pick Teresa, who tf else could do it better?

Taurus - what makes you feel comfortable?

my fluffy blue patterned blanket, a full glass of water beside me, and a comfy spot on the couch or my bed. having my phone and/or my friends around me completes the picture perfectly.

Virgo - what do you value the most - artistic ability/creativity, musical ability, athletic ability, intellect, or work ethic?

I value intellect the most, but I hugely respect artistic ability/creativity as well. Intellect has the power for change behind it, but the other abilities have the reason for life. Work ethic can get everything done, but I have none so wish me luck. Aka, I’m answering this instead of working on my homework, rip.

Thanks so much for the asks @isthisenoughorcanwegohigher!

[luvleekaotix-imagines]

Answering some general asks! Thank you for the love and support <3

Anonymous said to luvleekaotix-imagines:

are u comfy writing fics with a trans reader in them?? nothing like this was in ur rules so i wanted to ask before requesting

Hello darling! This is a really good question. The short answer is that I am okay with writing for a trans reader, but it really depends on the actual request. By that I mean if it’s focussing heavily on issues that I haven’t experienced or know much about, it can be really hard for me to write something that feels genuine which is something I like to do. I never want to make light of serious topics or offend or insult anyone by writing something I clearly have no business writing.

I hope this kind of answers your question and I’m totally up for discussing it if you wanna hit up my chat <3

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Anonymous said to luvleekaotix-imagines:

Connor is actually hurting me with his cuteness ;-; Send help

Connor glances at KC who is has her head on the desk, unmoving. “She may already be dead and unable to help.” He smiles pleasantly.

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Anonymous said to luvleekaotix-imagines:

okay as long as I'm spamming your inbox (sorry about that btw) I just gotta say, Detroit is the first game to fuckin. romantically frustrate in a long ass time. I don't want to fuck the robots, I just wanna hold their hands and tell them it'll be okay. I'd rather just be a robofucker gdi HELP -detroit anon

Its the worst feeling and SAME. I don’t know if you’ve noticed how affected I am by the feels that suddenly hit me in the fucking face, but good god. Also I’ve always been a robofucker sooooooooooooooooooo  I DUNNO WHAT TO TELL YOU. WELCOME TO THE CLUB OR SOMETHING.

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malina4ka said to luvleekaotix-imagines:

OH GOSH. THANK YOU, THATS AMAZING!! ♥

I’m glad you liked the fluff darling!! <3 I hope it was cosy enough <3

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Anonymous said to luvleekaotix-imagines:

I was just scrolling through the DBH tag to find someone who shares the same amount of love that I have for a precious smol bean that needs to be protected aka Connor and let me tell you that you are a blessing! AH I LOVE YOU

I LOV EYOU TOO! THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR STOPPING BY TO SEND THIS AMAZING MESSAGE AND SHARE THE CONNOR LOVE. I’ve seen that some people are mad that people love Connor so much? I’m not exactly sure why, but I mean, I love Markus and Kara too, but we can have our own faves, I dunno. AAAAAAAAAAAAAA

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Anonymous said to luvleekaotix-imagines:

I'm in between fandoms right now so I came to read your Devil May Cry writings because that's what I do when I'm in between lol And I come here and see Connor, and... well, I always joked that once androids of that level were a thing I was going to fall in love with one, so I guess this is just natural progression. Kudos to you for being the unwitting matchmaker 😂😂😂

OMG thank you for coming back to ready my DMC stuff!! I do hope the rumor about DMCV is TRUE. I need more DMC in my life, there is never enough. I will always love my devil boissss <3 Also androids will become the bane of everyone’s existence, especially if they’re CUTE and FRIEND-SHAPED like Connor. Hahahahah

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Anonymous said to luvleekaotix-imagines:

I gotta say, your characterisation of Connor feels super spot on :0 Absolutely love your fics! 

O M F G thank you SO MUCH that’s such a huge compliment. Characterisation is something I always try to get right because how else can I make my reader inserts feel genuine. Like, I want it to feel like the character adores you, so I need to write how they would show affection for you, and for that to happen I have to get the character right. Ya dig? ANYWAY. THANK YOU FOR YOUR POSITIVE FEEDBACK. ITS MEANS SO MUCH TO ME!!! !!!!!! !! <3

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Anonymous said to luvleekaotix-imagines:

more connor please thank u for existing 

Ohh thank YOU for existing. I love you so much, thank you for sending in this ask. I will write more Connor fo SHO.

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panicnowandrun said to luvleekaotix-imagines:

That Connor imagine was so cute!!! Would you be willing to do a part 2? Like where Connor deviates for her or something? Idk there just isn't a lot out there for him yet and you did so well! (Sorry if this is weird, it's 3am and I can't sleep lol)

I’ll definitely write more Connor stuff and I shall see if I can figure out something for your request, although I think most of my fics will be based on Connor already being a deviant or coming to terms with it or something. Maybe I’ll figure something out for when he’s still instruction-bound. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

[trinkets-and-spirits]

26 & 27 for the lgbt+/pride asks!

26: What identity advice would you give your younger self?

Oh, this is a great question; considering identity was a huge struggle for me. :’)) Advice is a difficult subject for me, bc I don’t consider myself to be very wise. Ik a lot of stuff on certain topics; but I struggle to give concrete advice for others, and a lot of the time—I’m just straight up bullshitting my way through life; trying to comfort my friends, trying to comfort myself, trying to word things nicely & all.

But identity? FUCK ME ; do I know a lot & have a lot of advice on identity, lmao.

Cheesy as it’ll sound to other folks, my best advice would be to ignore what the people around you are telling you about identity, and I’m not just referencing the homophobic assholes who are just looking for any reason to claim the LGBTQ+ community are aggressive; violent monsters. I’m mostly referencing the young; controlling; bitchy straight girls—who were homophobic as fuck; until they found out about yaoi anime, and suddenly they were gay; trans; genderfluid; and everyone else was the same way. Cishet people didn’t exist, and anyone who claimed to be happily cishet (myself; at the time) was just lying to themselves. :))

At a very young age (10 ; 11) — I was pressured into thinking that I was trans, because these previously cishet girls were claiming it was cool; that they wanted to be men, but not for the purpose that transgender folks are actually trans. :’)) Nope! Instead of wanting to transition; or pass, bc that’s who they had always been, they looked at it as a couple of surgeries that would allow them to jack off. Have gay sex. Be the ‘uke’ (or sub; in BDSM-terms) to someone’s ‘seme’ (or dom; in BDSM-terms). And I was pressured to think the same way, despite still feeling cishet at the time; and not really understanding what transgender was.

I was also pressured to think I was lesbian/gay, whatever the terms we were using back then. Bisexual? Pansexual? Incorrect. How dare you be attracted to anyone, besides the gender I tell you to be attracted to. It was…a fuckin’ toxic situation. I only started learning about LGBTQ+ around the time I came out, and I…learnt quickly that I wasn’t trans; I had never been trans. I didn’t connect to either gender in an identity sense, but sexually & romantically? Yes. I loved & adored men and women, and I feel like I would have realised this sooner, had it not been for these girls—who were convinced that trans men were the only valid part of the transgender community; who were convinced trans men were only trans, bc they wanted to get fucked by men, jack off, and use he/him pronouns for the fun of it. Trans women were invalid in their eyes. Who would want to be a woman? :’)) It’s disgusting to think they quickly ditched the LGBTQ+ community, when they ‘grew out of yaoi’ — and now treat us like we’re a bunch of idiots, lol.

BUT ANYWAY!!

My two pieces of advice would be:

1) Never allow anyone, especially bigots, to tell you what your identity is. You want to be cishet? You do you, sweetie. You wanna be trans? Fuck yes, I’ll support you to the ends of time; as long as you’re comfortable with yourself. You wanna be genderqueer? HELL YEAH, BUD. I’d have told myself, time and time again, that I’m allowed to identify as who I am — and not as whatever a couple of cishet bitches demanded that I identify as; or I’m being ‘homophobic’ and ‘transphobic’ for not conforming. It’s not a sin to not identify as something, and you should never fucking force that shit. If you’re cis; you’re cis. If you’re trans; you’re trans. If you’re somewhere else; bless u.

2) You’re allowed to explore your identity, because it’s your goddamn identity. As long as you’re not hurting anyone w/ your exploration; then who the hell has the right to tell you that you’re betraying a community that you no longer identify with, but still cherish and respect?? No one finds their identity right away, fam. It’s totally chill for you to feel cis one day & genderqueer the next; as long as you’re not being an asshole about it. Life’s short, baby, feel free to explore; as long as you’re not appropriating or discriminating others.

27: What do you think of gender roles in relationships?

I’m…gonna assume that this is referencing the whole boomer argument of there needing to be a man & a woman in a relationship; that gay relationships will always consist of one masc. & one femme person, and…all of that bullshit. On top of the nonsense that I’ve seen relating to trans people in relationships. :’))

If not, then I naturally apologise to everyone out there; but baby—I’m literally the worst person to ask about gender roles. I’m genderqueer, so gender roles? We don’t know her. Personally, I think they’re total bullshit & aren’t a necessity for anyone out there, as long as you’re in a comfortable; consensual relationship, and are happy w/ the person (or p e r s o n s; to my beloved poly community) you’re seeing—I don’t really see the need for gender roles to come into things.

I’d never judge someone for thinking they’re important or relevant to things, tho, as long as they weren’t being transphobic or aphobic. But generally speaking?? Yeah no, miss me w/ that gender role shite. We’re here to love, not debate about anything besides light-hearted; wholesome things. Gender roles…aren’t for me, tbh, I just don’t really see the point any more. I just wanna love others, y’know?? Who cares about roles?? Unless they’re bedroom roles, rip me. But yeah no. xP 

Yikes, sorry for the long ass post. I didn’t mean for this to happen, lmao.

[beahina]

I Am So Sorry I swear I will stop myself and these asks this is the last one (I can't write that well but have Many Ideas) but Lance who kind of loses his sanity after being captured/tortured and/or Dark!Lance

i AM SO FUCKIN SORRY I TOOK FOREVER FORGIVE ME

ugh anyway here’s the prompt and its ally bad bc i used it to write to get over my block sO SORRY YOU CAN REQUEST MORE IF U WANT 

tw gaslighting tw abuse general tw bewarb

daym 980 words, almost 1,000 lol

It took a long time for the blue paladin to crack. It was a simple trip to the space mall, a wormhole jump went wrong, straight into the view of a full Galra fleet. Of course, it shouldn’t have been a problem, as the paladins of Voltron have fought fleets as big as the one they had encountered, with the help of Voltron. Unfortunately, Shiro was still missing, and the team dynamic as Keith in Black, Lance in Red, and Allura in Blue, was unable to form Voltron yet.

Lance remembered what happened that day, Hunk was pummeled by a huge crowd of ships, retreating back into the castle on Keith’s orders, while Pidge held the fleet back long enough for Hunk to fly into the Altean ship. Pidge then followed Hunk as her lion was also badly damaged. Coran readied the castle to open another wormhole, Allura clearing a path for Keith, Lance, and herself to the castle with Blue ice beam. With the new black and red paladin bickering about the chances if Shiro may be in the big ship, which the fleet was heavily defending.

“Keith, we can’t go and try to find Shiro right now, Hunk and Pidge are in bad condition, and Allura is already in, the wormhole is opening.” Lance scowled, waiting to ensure Keith flew the Black lion into the castle. “It would be suicide to go in with just the two of us?”

“Are you underestimating me? Do you not want to find Shiro? Is he even your friend?” Keith yelled angrily, fighting off the ships that surrounded the two. In the background, Allura was yelling for them to get inside the ship before it took off.

“Keith, this isn’t about your skill right now, it’s life and death for us!”

“And for Shiro, if you forgot about hi-” Everyone was screaming in their headsets, and the Black lion was kicked back, where the door to the castle was closing.

“Lance!” The two lions were being drawn in by different ships, Keith safely in the castle, Lance being pulled into the huge Galra ship. That was the last thing he heard before the red lion was lit up yellow, and Lance saw black, his face burning from the quintessence dripping through the cracks of his helmet.

Lance didn’t wake up for a few days, and when he did the torture immediately began.

Lotor came in, looking at the scarred boy, who scowled. “Oh, you’re finally awake.”

“How long was I out?” The boy kept his guard up, taking in Lotor’s appearance. Perhaps he wasn’t full Galra, as he had pupils and a more humanoid feature.

“Oh, a few years. It’s incredible really, how the quintessence might have altered your healing.” Lance frowned. That couldn’t be right? He looked around the room. It didn’t really look like any of the Galra halls or rooms he had been in before. There was a regular bed, and a window…? Lance walked over and stuck his head out. It was his old home, his old bedroom. He hadn’t recognized it right away as he’d been away for so long (years, apparently).

“How did you get to Earth?” There was no one outside on the beach outside his house, but everything seemed, well, regular. There was no destruction, anywhere in sight.

“The Galra won the war. The paladins of Voltron are all dead, except you. We took over earth, but kept its nature and buildings, but humans are eliminated.” I must be dreaming, Lance thought. Yes, that’s all it was. A dream. A nightmare, really.

The next year, went with Lotor letting him fly around the world and enjoy the commodities, free of people, with his company as a supposed friend. It was confusing. He was captured, doused in pure quintessence, and his friends and family were all killed. Lotor acted like this was fine, and Lance was beginning to think so. Every time Lance asked specifics about the war’s end, or how they got to Earth, he would start yelling at Lance, telling him he was just talking about things he didn’t know, how he wasn’t respecting Lotor’s boundaries. Lance began to avoid the topic in fear Lotor would go in meltdown mode to the boy. Life was going by slowly, and it didn’t seem real. Eating, felt weird, touches felt weird, except the hard slaps or cuts from Lotor during his meltdowns.

Lance soon figured out why everything felt fake. Because it was. He’d been gaslighted, and isolated. He awoke another year later, inside a room, hooked up to a life support to feed him and give him vitamins while in the simulation. It was something like the room Allura used to use to see Altea and her father. Everything was a lie, and he found out the war never ended, Earth was never taken over, his friends and family were hopefully alive.

“How COULD YOU?” Lance screamed, hands shaking with anger, his nails digging into his palm.

“You tricked me into thinking we were friends somehow, what do you want out of this?” The Galra had gotten the red lion, so why did they need Lance? Why’d they have Lotor abuse and gaslight him to the point he still didn't know if this was a dream, simulation, or reality? Why was he constantly told lies, broken over and over by Lotor? And the snake replied,

“Because I was bored.” Then, Lotor was dead, Lance standing over him with the IV stand, in his hands, the metal sleek with red. Lance was never the same, when he came back. He’d swear Lotor would follow him around, he couldn't use mirrors afraid to see his ghost through it, or see needles from true memory of waking up with the IVs everywhere, and when he eventually came home, he couldn't bear to go anywhere near his house.