#and nope! thats not what happened!
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Ariel’s “Siren Song”
So I’ve been reading the Guide to Merfolk book. It dives into the lore in The Little Mermaid (2023) universe and has brought up a lot of interesting things.
One of those things is Siren Songs and their variants. Each song type has different abilities. One of them is the well known “lure” ability, but there are others.
Ariel sings to Eric after rescuing him from the shipwreck, and an observing Sebastian says smthg about her using her “siren song”. As Siren Songs have different types, I believe the song Ariel sings to Eric on the beach is different from the song Vanessa/Ursula sang to him on the rock.
HEART SONG
An aria sweet as honey dripping
Sends cool hearts aflame and senses slipping--
Lulling the longing to wander and stray,
Following the ballad into the spray.
ERIC’S NOTES: “Yeah, this would never work on me. Not in a million years.”
For context, the blue writing is notes that Eric has left behind. The way the guide book reads, it’s as though we’re in Eric’s study reading this book after he has.
A “Heart Song” is basically a love song. It makes the victim fall senselessly in love with the siren, and is basically romantic brainwashing. I believe this is the song Vanessa/Ursula tried to use on Eric on the rock.
His comment about “it never working on him” makes me even more sure, given that we know, despite using Ariel’s Heart Song, Eric was still not completely in love with Vanessa and was still pining over real Ariel. I believe him saying “it would never work on him” is supposed to be irony/foreshadowing.
HEAL SONG
A potent siren tune more sharp than flat
Mends bruised wounds from scraps and bites from the bat--
Fighting poison to cleanse and to discard,
Restoring health through the melodic bard.
ERIC’S NOTES: “Hey! I wouldn’t mind this song one bit.”
Meanwhile, I believe the song Ariel sings to him on the beach is her “Heal Song”, a song that cures wounds and ailments.
Ariel does not know human anatomy. She might have books about certain things and knows humans can’t breathe underwater, but she does not know how to medically resuscitate a human, and her pats on Eric’s chest did absolutely nothing. It’s not until she sings does Eric actually come to and open his eyes.
There are several other reasons why I think it’s highly unlikely Ariel used her Heart Song (despite it just not making any sense). For one, Ariel clearly had no idea her interest in Eric was reciprocated when she came to land. She did not know he was out searching for her. And two, when Eric does run into the room and sees her for the first time, he is obviously disappointed because he thinks she’s just some stranger. He’s not “senselessly in love” as a Heart Song would lead him to be.
So I believe Ariel used her Heal Song to revive Eric from drowning, meanwhile Ursula tried to use a Heart Song to brainwash him into being in love with her. Just a tidbit I found interesting.
#i made this post for two reasons#1) bc its just interesting and i lOVE lore stuff#and 2) because i was watching a review and they said Ariel being a siren completely destroyed the story for them bc 'she brainwashed him'#and nope! thats not what happened!#i thought it was pretty obvious Ariel's singing healed Eric not bewitched him but alas#the little mermaid 2023#tlm#babbles#tlm live action
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arrives 15 min late with a latte
......sup
#yosuke hanamura#persona 4#cool now that its done i can ramble in the tags#fellas im surprised hes here and done#did not think that was gonna happen#fuck i forgot smth#eh ill fix it before i make my print#anywho i might make more i might not who knows not i#yukiko is the next one i have half an idea on but also i have some shining nikki designs rattling around with my sole braincell#i also made a shadow alt for the back but idk if i like the mouth so yall arent gonna see him#also i need to find a gold foil guy that does odd sizes and like moq of 1#bc i wanna do this in gold foil#and its tarot card size bc im dumb as hell#but i want a print for my wall and i know sure as shit no one else will want one hence the moq of 1#my heart wants to make the whole major arcana for p4 but my past completed works says °❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:・ 𝑛𝑜 °❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:・#so whatever gets done will get done#also im gonna reblog this a lot bc i put in too many hours to get a singular note by me so like if you dont wanna see it block me lmfao#if you have any hot takes for future cards please share with the class bc i only have ideas for yukiko and a full cast she does not make fr#so uh yeah yeehaw#idk what else to ramble about but like cannot believe yosuke fucking hanamura is the first chara to get a completed piece in 5 years#im not fucking kidding#the rest were all quick graphite or abandoned#hes not even my fave in p4- thats naoto protag chan kou and nanako#boys lucky to hit top 5#he just kinda crawled into my affection like some kind of sad pathetic creature idk how it happened either#maybe hes overprocessed now that im looking at it#nope i looked too long this is it this is how he is#ill do better by the women i promise
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What would you do if you found out your crush is your blind date? Me? I would start freaking out like Oscar right here 😖 Riku kept Suzume's identity a secret right to the very end and this was Oscar's reaction!
#ts4#sims 4#ts4 gameplay#ts4 legacy#tjol legacy#tjolc#tjolc gen 1#oscar valenzuela#suzume miyazawa#its fun in oscars perspective#and is riku a genius or what (nope)#he would be dying to know what happens and have a good laugh with him!!! thats what best friends are for lmao#idk but he should have told him let oscar prepare for his date but no#eventhough id freak out too#THIS IS WAY MORE FUN AHAHAHA
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Ride 768: Doubashi attack!!
Pag 1
1: Orange....
“Less of a hero”? Ah!?
2: Nonsense!!
You've never been a hero to begin with!!
Pag 2
1: Ha..... Hakogaku!!
Even Hakogaku caught up!!
2: Thick.... thick.....
3: A man like this holds the strongest of powers!!
6: I'm thin compared to him!!
That's not true, Oosumi-kun!!
7: Senpai, is he strong?
The Hakogaku member who last year defeated Sohoku's Kaburagi in the first day's sprint is
Pag 3
1: him, Doubashi Masakiyo!!
Buah!!
Pag 4
2: Buah...
So in the end you've decided to run?
3: “Chicken”
Pag 5
1: We're passing by the sign the signals 5km until the sprint line!!
2: Hakone Academy.....!!
3: Ace sprinter, Doubashi!!
Ugh.....
6: We're at “5km left” until the sprint
7: There's not much left
Pag 6
1: It won't take more than “10 minutes”!!
2: So you've come, Doubashi!!
It's “san”!!
San!!
How many times have I told you!!
3: Again!!
Pag 7
1: You want to get revenge against me!!
2: That's how someone who won last year would speak, but you lost against me!!
3: Hahaha, are you being a sore loser?
I'm telling you you're the one who lost!!
4: Whatever, come at me!!
It's not whatever, what are you even thinkin when saying that!!
Are you that self confident
Pag 8
1: We'll definitely win!!
2: Interesting, buah!! I came here to humble you!!
4: Ugh....
He's different.....!! He's much more dangerous now that he's running rather than when I met him this morning in the tent!!
Pag 9
1: Hakone Academy's Doubashi!! He's so overwhelmingly intimidating!!
It's like the pressure of a huge raging bull that has its eyes on you!!
2: Just by looking at me he makes me feel like my hands and feet are restrained
Issa fought against someone like him last year!?
4: No!!
5: Calm down
Steady your breathing
6: Swallow your nerves, Danchiku Ryuuhou!!
Pag 10
1: He moved on his own!!
Everyone is so overpowered by Hakogaku that they're not moving!!
For me, on the contrary
2: It's a chance!!
Nagoya's Komao used the curve and jumped ahead
He plans on going ahead alone!!
Pag 11
3: The sprint line is 5km from here!!
Horse acceleration!!
I think I can aim for a breakaway victory!!
4: That guy has a reputation for running solo!!
Gallop!!
This is bad!!
5: Doubashi has an incredible pressure!? But isn't this kind of things
6: just fears that we create ourselves!?
7: I can keep going like this!!
Doubashi isn't worth fearing!!
Pag 13
1: Where are you going?
3: Uaaaaaaagh
Pag 14
1: I thought I was 200m ahead of him, and yet
2: I could have let you go freely, but if you keep wandering around in front of my eyes like that
3: I can't win comfortably!!
Wa-
Pag 15
1: Hakogaku's Doubashi accelerated in an instant and passed Nagoya!!
Gallop!!
2: Together with Sohoku!!
3: Ah!? “Sohoku”!? Tch!! He reacted at the same time as me...?
4: You're the only one who can react at the same speed as me in this leading pack
Orange!!
Pag 16
2: Chicken!!
Pag 17
2: Orange is still behind!?
3: Did he give an order to this guy?
4: And he still managed to keep up with my speed of reaction!?
6: What, this guy's eyes, this running
Pag 18
1: What happened, your expression has changed!!
So this guy wasn't a chicken!!
2: Sorry, Doubashi-san
We'll take this sprint
3: The two of us!!
Pag 19
1: Garuaagh
2: After stopping Nagoya down, Sohoku number 5 jumped out from there
3: and attacked again!!
Tch
4: Hahaha
I told you!!
Pag 20
1: “We'll definitely win”!!
2: Orange!!
Hahaha, what we're aiming for is to be
3: “Japan's number one”!!
4: I'll make you Japan number two!!
#yowamushi pedal#yowamushi pedal translations#yowapeda#yowapeda manga#yowamushi pedal manga#yowamushi pedal spoilers#ride 768#kaburagi keeps being the funniest person around i adore him asdhsdgfkd#how tf did he became 100 times more stupid since aoyagi left#did aoyagi take aways all of his braincells when he left????#was he actually kaburagi's brain????#anyway i adore him and i adora his relationship with doubashi ashdlsdfjhlds#their whole exchange in this chapter made me laugh so much i took longer than necessary to translate that part lmao#the best way to defeat your opponent is just to pretend youve won already against the#mental battle won: kabu 1 doubashi 0#now leaving those two dumbasses aside for a moment#DANCHIKUUUUU YOU FUCKING GO BOYYYYY#its his time to shine you go boy show us (and doubashi) what youve got#i love this thing they have where kabu gives the order#bc one would think danchiku (being the one with a brain) would do that but nope! kabu does#and when it comes down to it he is pretty good at it#btw lets not forget that kiji is about to arrive too#and hes going to be the last - which means by kabu's logic that hes the hero#which means that hes gonna win????#idk i feel like thats whats gonna happen
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every day i wake up and megumi isn’t back yet and i cry
#PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE GIVE ME MY SON BACK#this break has been going on for so damn long i CANNOT do this anymore#gege pls come back#i know i said some sht about you (i’m not taking it back.) but PLEASE#PLEASUHHHHHHA#UGH anyway#i know the megumi comeback is gonna be generational but FAWKKKKK#what if he doesn’t make it. what if they don’t pull him out. what if—#NOpe nope nope don’t think about it#this is jjk-induced psychosis happening in real time i cannot believe it#whatever is the reverse of lobotomy kaisen this is it#js awful#n e ways#jjk#jujutsu kaisen#megumi fushiguro#jjk megumi#MY BOY MY BOY THATS MY BOY#lobotomy kaisen
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“You know that’s not one of your strong suits, right?“
#cyberpunk 2077#cp77#johnny silverhand#v#i had to take off his beard cause i was trying out some face textures#im not sure if i just...wasn't looking at him on my first playthorugh or mayb the beard was in the way and made him look more teasing#but i saw the smile this time and it broke my heart a little??? fond but also kind of sad#killed me dead#does he do this expression if you have a bad relationship with him???#im really wondering now#nope he doesn't#he throws u on the floor lol maybe thats what happened in my first playthrough?#i didn't have a bad rel with him but he also does it if you cut him off with a pill at some point#and i *think* i did that once#my stuff
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re..sis..ting the urge to write a brothers best friend beom hard thought..ha..
#i get the appeal of writing them#its like a dump of ideas#but#i will not let anything distract me from the main deal#nope not happening#brothers best friend gyu for another month#✶ ━━ rana talks#but..also what ABOUT brothers best friend gyu who crowds u in the kitchen 🤔#huh?! what about beomgyu who leans down to whisper the most mundane things like if u could reach to get a cup for him#but its BEOMGYU!!!!#his low voice and his fingers ghosting over your waist ummmmmfmfjfjf#yup thats it i wont indulge further. i cant#or. hed have his hands on the counter#either side of you#basically entrapping you and hes behind you 😫!!!#‘u have a crush on me dont u?’#el oh el#kitchen sex with beomgyu is actually crazy shit
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Mobwife Daniel is something I didn’t know I needed and now it’s all I can think about. Like maybe Lewis or Toto are a part of the rival mob and are equally obsessed with Daniel and hate that Christian got to him first.
I think I just like the idea of Daniel being at the center of these men’s attention
Bestiebestiebestie Mobwife Daniel is truly that bitch. Honestly, I'm surprised this isn't like omegaverse lmao but ANYWAY
(here's the rest of the Mobwife Daniel thots. Plus Max's POV)
I like this idea, that maybe when Daniel was younger– before Christian, he was like this sought after bride. He’s from a good family, Joe is a well respected gangster and maybe like Daniel got married for the FamilyTM. Alliances are important and all that. Maybe Toto was like trying to get Daniel married to Lewis, they hit it off and Daniel was open to it. Then Christian came in like a shark and swept him off his feet.
So now they’re not like ‘at war’ over him, but sometimes Lewis or Toto will ‘end up’ wherever Daniel is. Like maybe he’s at lunch one day with Max.
Maybe Daniel is playing footsie under the table with Max and he’s giggling away at something Max said all deadpan and then Lewis sits at the table between them. And Daniel maybe swoons a little because Lewis is beautiful and they did have a lot in common– and were almost married.
Maybe Lewis cup’s his cheek a little, swipes a thumb along Daniel’s jaw before letting him go. Daniel tries to bit back his blush and fails. Max is jealous.
When Lewis eventually leaves with a smirk he pays their bill. He enjoys annoying Christian and his guys, because he’s still pretty salty that they scooped Daniel up from under him.
I wanna say the first time it happens, they're in a store and Daniel is trying on some clothes. Max pulls a gun on Lewis and Daniel is like ‘whoa hey, calm down.’ And steps in front of the gun.
“Lew– you can’t just…” Daniel tries to chastise him, but he’s like half naked in an open satin robe. Lewis and Max are looking.
“I wanted to see you.” Lewis smirks and rests his hand on Daniel’s waist.
“Hey!” Max pulls Daniel towards him posessively. Lewis is still calm, cool and smirking.
“Maxy– Max. it's ok.”
“Daniel it is not ok. He’s Toto’s guy–”
“Max stop!” Max looks at Daniel with wide eyes cause he’s once again standing in front of the gun, protecting Lewis.
“Daniel, what the fuck?”
“It’s fine. I promise.” Then Daniel turns to Lewis and glares with his hands on his hips. “You promised you’d stop.”
Lewis shrugs but he doesn’t look contrite. “You should have married me.”
“Lew…”
“They’re taking care of you?” Lewis sounds serious now, his gaze was different– assessing.
“Yeah. I’m happy.” Daniel says softly. Lewis cups his cheek and then drops his hand.
“Good.” then he leaves. And Daniel watches him go all soft and Max is confused and jealous and Daniel has to explain to him the whole thing. And then maybe some possessive sex cause we love a jealous Max.
#mobwife Daniel#is what we need in life#oh god.....i now have *ideas*.... thats how plots happen#oh jeeze....what if he gets kidnap- nope!!!!!!!#dewis#maxiel#answered#anonymous
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I had an idea for something I wanna write for S,IL, specifically to do with Tim and Brian and their friendship in highschool, after Tim got out of the hospital and reintegrated into society, and goddamn this fic has me digging through old diary entries I saved on my phone. Some of the shit in there is just so stupid and dramatic and poetic and would work fucking perfectly for writing Severely Mentally ill Teenage Tim dealing with a weird "my best friend who I have a crush on is the only thing keeping my even semi sane, and also I have convinced myself he's a deity and I pray to him" thing 💀
This shit is so overdramatic and "cringe" but honestly it described EXACTLY how I was feeling so no actually, it's not cringe it's great. Y'know lol? Honestly tho, I love these little bits of writing I found, because they let me see exactly what younger me was feeling. Like "i feel sad and angry and my heart's beating too hard and I feel shaky and too cold" does NOT get how we were actually feeling across anywhere near as well as this bullshit.
Anyway if you wanna read a couple of these bits I found, they're under the thingy 💀
“I’m bleeding myself dry while I'm going on walks every day like everyone tells me to, and my mental health is still at its worst. I’m putting every penny of my self worth into this boy and twisting the crank to see what colourful hunk of plastic comes rolling out so I can bare it like it's my soul to anyone who asks to see that deep inside me.”
I was such a dramatic kid. Any time I was doing bad my thoughts just switched to overdramatic shitty poetry and I couldn't do anything about it 💀 I was such a fucking
“Can I appeal to your humanity as I lose my own?”
#no vinnie. i dont know what youre on about. i definitely didnt go through the “my best friend who I have a crush on is the only thing#keeping my even semi sane and also I have convinced myself he's a deity and I pray to him“ with you. nope. never. i am not outing how#unbelievably not okay i was when we were younger. nope. not at all. in fact thats so not whats happening that i think you should completely#forget this post even exists if you saw it. yknow? i think thatd be a really fun thing to do. would you like me to grab a hammer and help?#i can grab a hammer and help. let me go grab a hammer so i can help#marble hornets#mh brim#tim wright#brian thomas#mh sorry its locked
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i think it's really funny how people just go on the internet and tell lies
#this post is about nightheart#i went into every book following river horrified that theyd ruin him#but man im just#not#seeing it#at all#nightheart is a misogynist? nope! thats the writers#nightheart doesnt respect sunbeam's boundaries? wrong! nightheart has done nothing but respect her boundaries#nightheart undermines frostpaw's problems by comparing them to his? wrong! hes empathizing with her#its to the point im wondering if im reading the same book as you all. how did you get this impression of this dude.#i think the last one in particular stems from nightheart's conflicts not being taken seriously. yes#its dumb#this was never a prior issue for any of firestar's kin#but it is happening#and that shit is so damaging let me tell you#and also#calling him a misogynist is just gross im gonna be so fr#the AUTHORS are misogynistic. we know this. this is not our first rodeo.#that fact just seems to be projected on to nightheart instead of pointing the finger at the erins#it is misogynistic that these characters are being conveyed the way they are. but the fact remains is that its whats on the page#and nightheart has every damn right to be upset about it#AORRY I AM LIKE. PASSIONATE. ABOUT THIS. i like nightheart a lot and see myself in him#i dont think its bad if people dislike him#but a lot of the reasons ive seen arent even valid reasons because they arent accurate representations of his character#tldr; stop blaming the authors' shitty writing decisions on nightheart pleaseee 😇#nightheart#warrior cats#i would not blame anyone if u said i aint rwading allat tbh this was not meant to get so out of hand
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The episode where Lance's Lion gets taken except they take Lance too and he has to get out and for some reason the only plan they have is having Keith in Yellows Mouth as they desperately try to catch up with them and they have to do the scene from The Runaway Bride from Doctor Who cause Lance absolutely does not trust Keith will catch him
And later Hunk yells at him cause he's known Lance a while and there's no way with the trust issues he displayed at the very beginning that he wouldn't have kept his beady eyes trained on Lance so it ended up with Lance having to track Rolo instead and they have to switch up their plan
#its the stupidest and most derivative rewrite episode i wanna do but i so want for this to a little bit#be the very beginning of Lances bi arc#where Hunk is like no nope i domt trust these people and ik how easily youre distracted by pretty girls#and demands he keep an eye on everyone#so rolo tries to tell pidge he and the robot need to collect some supplies and thinking he has this handled takes the bait#and offers to go in pidges stead#then rolo begins to flirt with him and lamce gets dazed 1. by being flirted with and 2. cause hes lowkey into being flirted with by this guy#and rolo takes the opportunity to get him and the lion who hed taken with him as back up#and then the runaway bride scene happens cause it gives lance and keith the opportunity to restablish trust#after they bonded and then Lance joked it never happened#the chance to show their rivalry is well and truly behind them and that they trust each other#and also allows hunk to be like lance what the hell i put you in charge of the not the girl how the hell.did you get caught unaware#and lance is like... i guess i got distracted csuse i totally thougjt i could handle in a fight... thats it... yeah#and that explanation flies with mostly everyone except shiro an elder gay and keith whos like... yeah i got distracted by that guy too#but idk why you wouldve unless....#voltron#vld#voltron: legendary defender#lance mcclain#lance vld#the klance in the tags is mostly platonic its like at the stage where its not being hinted at... yet
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I love how during the Murder Tribunal, none of the companions had anything to say about Holy Warrior Ronan being like 'oh yeah I'd love to be an assassin of Bhaal. Dribbles? Yeah, we super killed that guy. Really fun. Highly reccomend.'
Obviously, in game there's just nothing scripted there, but I like to think that after months of traipsing after the big lizard man and living through all his convoluted plans that have always worked, the party is just like 'yeah, sure, this might as well happen.' It'll be fine and it was (if you don't ask the rogue how many hits he took).
#ronan was hoping we could get him away from the other three#nope. that fight sucked#mostly because he got real hard to hit at the end there#thank god for lightning bolt#i especially think astarion is all hands on deck now after what happened with yurgir#'why are you talking why arent we killing him NO- oh he killed himself. okay.'#gale and karlach are never not on board honestly#they get it. they understand the lizard has a plan. sometimes that plan involves getting the bad guy#into a seperate room. in fact thats the plan a lot of the time. ronans pretty good at looking at a situation#and deciding the vibes are rancid. the planets arent aligned. theres Too Many Guys around.#and he just waits a little and uses his 20 wisdom then there will be Less Guys Around.#and if they get in a smaller space then his wizards fireball hits more targets#gotta trust the process. hasnt led them wrong yet. even if the process isnt communicated in the moment AT ALL#bg3
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#'well you cant win em all.' okay but i would like to win at least one!! (not my quote i swear ive seen it on tumblr just cant find it)#like i would kill for just one win. i would pay a crisp $10 to anyone that could provide a single win for me#today was yet another fucking loss and that was all i had lined up. like theres nothing set up to possibly be a win in the future#ive got nothing there. so weve ended on a loss and thats all i have for the foreseeable future#i counted all the wins and losses in recent memory. ive got like 13+ losses and about 1 win#i tried to count up all of my wins but truly i managed like. one.#even some things that i didnt know could become losses! like did you know you can just be refused an adhd reassessment?#like you can say 'id like to pay $160 for you to fuck up a diagnosis again' and they can actually say#'youre not even worth the trouble to misdiagnose so go fuck yourself'#but they can! i didnt know that#and then you can have the audacity to tey to hope for something and think youll get it. like hope a little too hard#truly shouldve lesrned my lesson after twelve losses in a row not to get my hopes up#but i did! i made plans! i was gonna buy a cute water bottle specifically for that job. snd take myself out to dinner if i got it#can you guess what happened? when i had the audacity to hope and plan for a job that i was so passionate about and wanted so much?#(i didnt get it. the job ive been posting about. didnt get it)#didnt get the apartment in the city i love and miss either. didnt get an adhd reassessment (which is still wild to me)#and i tried to frame them as better in my head. 'this is a chance to tey a different job youd be better at! this is a chance to save money!'#nope its just another shitty thing in a long line of shitty things and im just getting tired of it. im so fucking tired of it#i am back where i vowed id never come back to and i cant escape in any way shape or fucking form#just needed to vent because saying all this in my head wasnt helping. saying it here doesnt help either but whatever
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was gonna say smth else but this turned into a vent sorry everyone just ignore. typical weekend post on this blog u know how it is here we go👍
#wild ik so many ppl getting married meanwhile im over here struggling to convince myself my friends even care abt me or want me around#pathetic to admit but i cant even fantasise abt someone loving me bc im too insecure n emotionally unstable#my mind just shoots the idea down like whoa. unrealistic. ur incapable of expressing or receiving affection in any way that matters#no matter how badly u want to... and even if someone did well u wouldnt believe them most of the time#gotta get out of the fucking labyrinth first i couldnt inflict this shit on anyone i cared abt#but it makes me so desperately sad sometimes i dont know how im ever going to get out of this ive been trying for years and years#and im a little better at it snd i dont feel like this all of the time i know it just comes around and itll pass again#but im tired of being in so much emotional pain so frequently. and shouldering it so alone. theres such a disconnect between myself and#others and i dont know how to bridge that i don't know how to stop feeling so isolated and unwanted !!!!!! im trying so hard#it doesnt even bother me w relative strangers in my life like i dont get insecure at all around them i like meeting new ppl#bc theres like. no expectations i guess. like ik they dont care abt me personally and idk them well enough to do that either#and its fun but it doesnt satisfy needs that i have like i need to feel close + connected to ppl i need to care abt them + feel cared for#but as soon as i do start to care abt ppl it gets all tangled and i end up getting rly badly hurt over and over. thru no fault but my own#bc im constantly alienating myself and bc i struggle so much w shit like physical affection which is frustratingly rly critical for me!!!!#it wouldnt fucking matter if i didnt like or want affection ik some ppl are fine without i wish it worked like that for me#but nope instead i have to be constantly messed up over my complete fucking inability to express myself in any form#and ik it makes everyone around me so uncomfortable so it just becomes self reinforcing and eventually they drift and leave me behind#and i just do that over and over and over and every time ill tell myself ill do better ill try harder and itll get easier and someone will#and it happens again and right now im at the stage where the abandonment fear is starting to kick in which is awful n paralysing#and usually a precursor to actually being abandoned ehich is always my own fault bc i start behaving so erratically out of fear or defense#its self fulfilling and im trying. im trying so hard not to let it overwhelm me again and not to start acting out and freaking ppl out#and im coping with it okay i think but just hurts me a lot its all internal my rejection sensitivity is gradually ticking up and up#and argh!!!!!!!!! and some days im okay and some days its like this and i dont know what todo when its like this im so tired and in pain#its not even that bad today tbf. once im done typing this to get it out ill be able to do smth else and distract mysrlf for a bit#and then calling friends later too so exposure therapy innit. but itll be fun and i love them but i will probably also feel very bad after#or even possibly during but thats okay ill still manage fine im not going to let it interfere i dont want it controlling my fucking life#i am going to have a nice time and be okay despite it all. even if i do have to fucking battle this every day forever#and even if it stops me living my life to the extent i want and feeling as ok as i want i just have to come to terms with and be ok w it#and im not going to be!!! a fucking asshole abt it!!! i dont want to hurt anyone else thats the most important thing no matter how i feel#thr rest is all secondary and ik i cant help a few little bumps here and there but trying hardest to keep it separate its not negotiable
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WHY IS THERE AN EXTRA STITCH
#ITS LIKE FUCKING HOUSE OF LEAVES UP IN HERE???#by all accounts it doesnt make sense. ive redone this row twice. kept coming up short#figure ok maybe its a problem w the previous row. recount the row#extra stitch. what the fuck?#double check that i didnt accidentally stitch twice into the same stitch#nope. because of the nature of the previous row#its impossible that i could successfully stitch into each stitch just once and end up#with an uneven number. but thats whats happening.#ok stepping away for a bit. im gonna start fucking screaming lol <3#just recounted the prev prev row. right number#so what the fuck did i do..#now i have to redo the row -_-
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Hopefully now that the ac is uncovered we can use it and cut down on my allergies 😩 please...
#marquilla#my chest huuuuuuurts bitch stupid fucking trees#im just hoping the furnace guy didnt unplug the ac unit when he was here in October? November? idr anyway thats what happened#a few years ago and we didnt know YOU can just flip the switch essentially and we were sweating our asses off waiting for the ac guy and he#couldnt come for a month in the middle of an 80 degree spring but i was so fed up i looked it up myself and i was so mad it was that easy#like we used to bring up the old fans and just sleep with ice packs bc the techs keep such booked out schedules and we thought THEY had to#do something to it like shut something off and the ac on but nope it was just one thing
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