#and no not that kind of OCD I have all kinds of OCD

[generallemarc]

"You have to listen to my opinions on [issue], or else you don't care about [issue]. (Constantly talks about how people like you are the absolute worst.)"

Anything that's functionally like, "you have to let me tear you down over things you can't control or you're a bad person."

Anything that's functionally like, "you have to let me vent to you whenever and however I want or else you're a bad person."

"If you enjoy X media/trope, you just hate Y people."

"Everyone knows that X thing is harmful/hateful; if you engaged in it, it's just because you were fine with perpetuating hate/harm."

"You should have just known better/should know this already!"

See, I don't see any of this as "moral OCD", I see it as just "having morals", with almost all of them also being "not letting other people treat you like shit" which is something you should always practice. Yes, that includes y'all mf's like me who're retarded in the medical sense(instead of just the being-on-tumblr sense) who have depression/self-worth issues; we're starting from zero in our teen/adult years, but that just means we have to put in the legwork to build ourselves up consciously, and that means learning not to needlessly take this kind of crap from people. You have the exact same inherent worth as they do, as anyone does, and they need to learn to respect that if they want you to continue to interact with them.

"Saw traps for people with moral OCD" is a phrase that has embedded myself into my brain because, well, Saw traps for people with moral OCD are everywhere.

Stuff that basically amounts to...

"You have to listen to my opinions on [issue], or else you don't care about [issue]. (Constantly talks about how people like you are the absolute worst.)"

Anything that's functionally like, "you have to let me tear you down over things you can't control or you're a bad person."

Anything that's functionally like, "you have to let me vent to you whenever and however I want or else you're a bad person."

"If you enjoy X media/trope, you just hate Y people."

"Everyone knows that X thing is harmful/hateful; if you engaged in it, it's just because you were fine with perpetuating hate/harm."

"You should have just known better/should know this already!"

This thread over here talks about the inherent issues of putting this kind of stuff out there. The TL;DR is that it really only works on people who are mentally unwell and have poor boundaries, while just pissing off everyone else. It really doesn't matter if you're technically correct; you're still attacking people, and that means they're not wrong to block you.

I think that many of these Saw traps are created when people effectively write posts directed toward people who don't want to help, rather than the ones who do. Like, if you catch yourself writing an angry, shame-laden post, ask yourself: who are you writing it for and what are the odds you're going to change their minds? If your mental image is some smug fuck or angry reactionary, you're writing for the wrong person. Write for the person who's curious, who's willing to learn.

Also? Work on figuring out how to transmute negative feelings into positive, encouraging rhetoric. EG:

"Why is there no X positivity?" -> "Let's hear it for X!"

"No one cares about Y problem!" -> "Hey, we need more recognition of Y problem" or "I haven't seen many people talking about Y problem, so here's some info on what's up."

"If you don't reblog this, you don't care about [group]" -> "Please reblog this, it would mean a lot for us [group]."

And if you're really super duper frustrated and want to vent with a lot of nasty words and sentiments? Consider taking it to a private vent channel or a journal or somewhere that a stranger with moral OCD/scrupulosity isn't likely to run across it.

Remember, most people don't want to hurt anyone. More people are ignorant than malicious. People naturally want to do the right thing, so if you feel like you have to guilt them or shame them into it, there's probably a fundamental communication issue somewhere, or they simply lack the context to understand why what you're saying is so important.

[rhondafromhr]

Hey y’all,

This isn’t an easy decision, but I’ve decided to deactivate my blog. I don’t want anyone to worry about me, so I want to let y’all know I’m alright and mentally I’m doing better every day. I’ve just realized that I’m at a point in my life where I’ll be happier and more mentally well if I have no social media whatsoever, including tumblr. More details below the cut if you’re curious (mainly just me being sappy about how much fun it’s been and how amazing my mutuals are).

I’ve had a blast here and found so much fun, joy, community and creativity at a time in my life where I desperately needed it. Seriously, I can’t overstate how much it meant to me. It was so much fun playing pretend with you all, hearing all your thoughts and ideas, reading your incredibly thoughtful takes and analyses, bouncing ideas off of each other. You all helped me reignite my passion for writing and rediscover a lifelong fun, fulfilling hobby—I never would have started doing it again if it weren’t for the nerds corruption AU and my life would look completely different now. All the love for my fics and unhinged AU ideas meant the world to me, too.

And of course this sappy goodbye post wouldn’t be complete if I didn’t mention how amazing, kind, creative and talented my mutuals are. Aurora, thank you so much for all the moodboard requests you did for me, they were all amazing and brightened my day so much, for having so much appreciation for Grace and really influencing how I saw her character and just for being a lovely person in general <3 Ali, I haven’t seen you on here in a minute but if you happen to see this thank you so much for that drawing!! You are such a talented artist with a really cool, unique style and I still haven’t forgotten it. Ellie, you’re an incredible writer and I’m sure you’ll be seeing me in your comments section on ao3. I’ve had so much fun whenever we’ve interacted and bounced ideas off of each other and you’re just generally a really cool person with immaculate vibes. Thank you for being the mutual that Gets It. Elliot, you’re a super talented writer as well, and thank you so much for all the sweet comments you’ve left and the general good, positive vibes you bring to the fandom. Cosma thank you for giving Brenda the appreciation she deserves and for also being so much fun to interact with. I love how you always engaged with my weird AU ideas and built on them, and how you came up with so many amazing and creative ideas both for fanworks and your original content. And Sanguine thank you for all your support on the corruption AU from the beginning, it meant so much to me and was really motivating.

Even if I didn’t mention you here, if we were mutuals and we interacted at any point, you meant something to me and I thought very highly of you (I’m big on cultivating my experience here and I was absurdly picky about who I followed. I was honestly kind of ridiculous about it lol)

All that being said, I think it’s time for me to move on. For all the wonderful things this website has to offer, there are downsides and I often find myself wasting hours mindlessly scrolling, and sometimes getting genuinely stressed about and fixating on really dumb, petty stuff that literally doesn’t matter in the slightest. I’ve also struggled with OCD for a majority of my adult life and while I’ve been in recovery for going on two years, its kind of been resurfacing lately and I think some of the prevalent attitudes and rampant reblog bait found on this website have contributed, even if they aren’t the main reason. I’ve tried to cultivate my dash, but some things inevitably slip through.

Overall, I just need to be more present and in the moment with the people I know in real life and devote more time and energy to my IRL goals if I want to move forward. I think in order to do that, I need to cut myself off entirely, because I do use fandom on tumblr as a vice and a distraction, often to a degree that I think has become unhealthy.

I’ll still be active on ao3 (username rhondafromhr) and probably continue updating my current WIPs and writing more for Hatchetfield as well as other fandoms, so if you enjoy my writing it’ll be there! I also made a discord, so if we’re mutuals on here feel free to say hi on there sometime if you want 😄 we can be Totally Normal about the characters and exchange unhinged AU ideas for old time’s sake. I can’t promise I’ll be the greatest at replying bc of the whole “trying to be more present in real life” thing, but I’ll do my best and I’d be stoked to hear how you’re doing! Here’s my link

Okay, I’m done rambling. I’ll probably leave my blog up for another day or two, I want all my mutuals to see this so they don’t think I blocked them or just up and disappeared or anything, but after that Rhonda’s retiring (I mean retirement isn’t really a thing anymore, but she’s an internet persona so we can pretend). Once again, thank you all for everything <3 <3 <3 if we don’t talk again take care, I’ll miss you and I genuinely hope for nothing but the best for you!!

[skymagpie]

I understand tradwives now, I cleaned up my entire room down to polishing floors today as well as half of the house just because I will see Khadgar for 3 minutes in the new quests

[postcrashcurly]

A short list of Jimmy headcanons I've been tinkering with for a bit. CW: OCD and Hoarding Behavior, Trichophagia, Body Image, and a lot of other triggers tbh it's far too long to list just prepare for anything.

One. On earth, Jimmy has a hoarding problem that stems from not having a lot as a kid. His dad was physically abusive and his mom was emotionally absent, so he wasn't allowed any privacy, personal belongings, or comfort objects. So as an adult he keeps EVERYTHING. Every single birthday card, every receipt, boxes, old clothes, certain food wrapping items and empty cans. It's chaos but it's somewhat organized, and piles move around here and there. It's not necessarily *gross* in the traditional sense. There is no rats or roaches or anything like that- its just overwhelming to the outside observer. It has the potential to be much worse depending.

He compulsively reorganizes his belongings but he'll be sent into a blind rage if he feels he's lost something. Piles move back and forth from the living room and bed room. Certain objects of interest are always within eye-shot, specifically things like gifts or photos. He has a particular affinity towards gift-cards and enjoys the elaborate designs (even though he pretends he doesn't).

Jimmy gets incredibly defensive when anyone offers to help him clean up or move things around and worries greatly that someone may steal from him. The only person who's ever seen the inside of his place is Curly, and he's also the only person Jimmy has ever left unattended in his home. Every so often Curly is able to nudge him to pack things in different areas so it isn't such a fire hazard (because of the hoarding, Jimmy has a massive fear of house fires and losing his things), and so he can have better access to rooms.

The only "clean" areas are the kitchen and bathroom, and they are remarkably clean. This is something Curly doesn't understand but doesn't really bother to question because he knows Jimmy needs to have things a certain way.

Two. As a child Jimmy developed really poor coping mechanisms to deal with his home life. He used to eat his own hair, and because of this his parents always had his hair cut as short as possible. This is why he keeps it long as an adult, and even though he doesn't eat/swallow it anymore he likes to suck and bite on the ends sometimes when he's self-soothing.

Three. Jimmy struggles with his body image and isn't quite sure what he looks like. If you asked him to draw a picture of himself, it wouldn't resemble him well. He feels that he looks much smaller, weaker, and uglier than he really is, for which he overcompensates. This also means he is a lot rougher when making physical contact with people.

It is also why a lot of his clothes are ill fitting.

Four. Jimmy loved cats when he was younger. When he was a kid he used sneak around his parents to feed them dinner leftovers. He was particularly close with a little tabby that cried at his bedroom window every night and he'd always sneak out to pet her. His father grew sick of the strays hanging around the property and put out poisoned food, which unfortunately took out his tabby. To this day, he blames himself for making the cats comfortable enough to take food from his house.

Five. Jimmy has experimented with many drugs and had mostly positive experiences with them. He's particularly fond of Kratom.

Six. Jimmy doesn't try to understand people, he only learns what they expect of him and changes his approach depending on the person. Everyone is so vastly different that he struggles to keep up appearances with most people, so he often latches onto one person (Curly) and puts most of his energy into that.

Seven. Jimmy is the type to give up a hobby if he isn't good at it right off the bat.

Eight. Jimmy can't swim, he doesn't want to swim, and you cannot make him swim. It stems from having a fear of water, specifically fully submerging his head/face.

Nine. Jimmy has food sensory issues. Sometimes he even needs to spit out things he likes because his body refuses to swallow it. To avoid this in public spaces, he takes very small bites and eats very slowly. He orders comfort meals and if he wants to try something new, he'll just pick of the plate of who he's with.

Ten. Jimmy is a Red Bull guy, specifically the Coconut Berry one. This is very oddly specific but it just feels right to me.

Y'all should send me asks with some of your Jimmy headcanons (if you want) because I love to hear other peoples opinions and perceptions of his character, especially if you don't agree with mine I'd love to hear why!

[puppppppppy]

AND I MET THE CHANGE GOD TOO. OKAY. COOL OKAY

[youremyonlyhope]

Living with Body Focused Repetitive Behaviors

Me: *Is super stressed over life.*

Trichotillomania: Time to pull some hair! C'mon. You won't even notice you're doing it. It'll make you feel better.

Me: NO. *Spends 4 days putting hair in a mini twist protective style* There.

Dermatillomania: Hey. Your hands are free. And restless. And dry... Pick your skin. Bleed. Bleed.

Me: Stop! *Starts up a new crochet project to keep hands busy.* Ok cool.

Onychophagia: Hi hi. Your nails are.... perfect biting length... you should do that.

Me: Noooooooooooo *Paints nails.*

Dermatillomania: Oh look, you got some nail polish on your skin. Pick it off... now pick some more...

Me: SDJAKFDSJFKLDKAFDJKLAFJDKSAKLFDASL

[cringefaecompilation]

me: hmm i think i will headcanon orym as having ocd and ocpd, he reminds me of myself and my friends who struggle with compulsions and routines we have troubles breaking out of

liam o’brien choosing to portray the most upsetting yet accurate depiction of someone with untreated unmedicated undiagnosed moral purity ocd by sheer accident:

[catkin-morgs-kookaburralover]

questioning sexuality is so exhausting

[villa-kulla]

2024 in review:

January: Strong start, fun at work, creative plans, many outings with new people, successful birthday cocktail bash thrown, plans to keep the momentum going -

January 23rd: cat dies

February: depression/crippling loneliness

March: depression/crippling loneliness

April: depression/crippling loneliness

May: depression/crippling loneliness

June: depression/crippling loneliness

July: depression/crippling loneliness/therapy

August: start dating this guy with whom i have a history because that's just what people do isn't it? he loves me and is ready to settle down, so maybe this is it, maybe i should just settle and join this club of monogamy and kids that i've watched every single one of my close friends join over the past 3 years, leaving my the 7th wheel at every single social function because it's ridiculous that I'm in my early 30s and my most significant relationship was with a cat, maybe it's time to finally grow up and settle for someone, you had a very slutty bisexual 20s back when it was cute, but as long as you're still somewhat attracted to guys, might as well let the pendulum settle that way because it'll be societally easier for you in the long run, and all the while you can ignore the voice in the back of your head that this is wrongwrongwrong and you don't want this, also it's too embarrassing to have a sexuality crisis in your 30s when you've been out since your teens but whatever, and you should settle down anyways because maybe it'll give your life purpose i mean look at your past year, maybe you wouldn't have taken the death of your cat so hard, at least you'd have a built-in social circle, and everyone does say that they never felt truly alive until they have kids/partner, and while your parents never pressure you they've certainly hinted that it's weird you haven't settled down yet and you'd be happier with a family of your own, therefore obviously my life must have no other value, maybe they're right, so let's settle down with a guy whom i quite honestly find irritating now and who doesn't spark joy but it's been hard to tell because everything is irritating to me lately and nothing sparks joy, and i try so hard and stay reasonably social and have hobbies that get me out of the house and am financially stable with a challenging full-time job that's sometimes rewarding and eat well and exercise a lot and these are all Healthy™ things to do so why do i feel like dying every time i wake up and have to face getting through the day, and isn't it pitiful that the one who was always Little Miss Talented and Smart and Pretty growing up has amounted to a sad, lonely, unfulfilled girl who hasn't lived up to any of her creative potential, and people will always see her as a cat lady except even more pathetic because her cat is dead, and maybe my best years are really behind me, and i'll just be stuck forever tagging along after friends who've moved on with their lives, so better commit to this guy you find tiresome right because husband + kids = happiness, maybe those nuclear family people are onto something, maybe husbands and kids are for when the rest of your friends get husbands and kids and you start to lose them because the friendship is different no matter what anyone says, and you've always been good at forcing yourself to do what's good for you, and deep down you know this is nonsense and won't solve anything, but it can't possibly make things worse than you've felt all year, and also this Guy feels like his life is starting over with you, but you feel like your life is ending with him, and the only reason you'd stay with him is so people don't pity you, and more than anything you can't bear for people to pity you and you suspect they all secretly are pitying you simply because you're single and there must therefore be something fundamentally wrong with you, and you used to be able to dismiss thoughts like that as stupid, but then again you used to be a lot more happy, and it gets harder and harder to ignore the thought that something is wrong with you, and the only thing worse than other people's pity is self-pity and every time you stop and think about your unhappiness you cry because you don't see how you'll ever feel happy again and you know you don't deserve to feel this way, but you can't actually remember the last time you were happy, it was certainly before your cat died, and I miss him so much and could this guy just stop fucking texting me for one second, oh god it's me, hi, i'm the problem it's me -

September: depression (but busy!)

October: Meds! / break up with guy + floods of relief!

November: Don't even remember

December: Actually kind of okay!

Anyway, Happy almost New Year!

[mocksyoucondescendingly]

okay but who else ripped up their “bad” drawings as a child? genuinely curious

[astriiformes]

Had a really good conversation with my therapist yesterday that has left me feeling better about life & the future than I have in... months, honestly (which also has me feeling really good about her ability to help me continue sorting through things).

I was talking about my distress about the future and in particular what I'm going to do when I graduate, since grad school isn't the most stable option, and she pointed out that since I was spiraling over hypotheticals, maybe it made sense to simply make up my mind about the first step, since applying to grad school is hardly the same as committing to grad school. And she was so right. I am so good at feeling like I need to make the right, perfect decision -- especially after making mistakes with school in the past -- that I have been worrying myself into depressive spirals over what the "right" decision is here. But making up my mind to at least apply and find out what my options are is a decision, that will give me a lot more information in the long run than paralysis over if it's "okay" to apply at all.

It'll still take a lot of work, obviously, and l don't know if I'll even get in anywhere, much less actually commit to doing a PhD if I do. But it has taken such an incredible weight off my shoulders just to say "Okay, I am going to apply, what next?" Because it means I can put all that nervous energy to actual use! Instead of spiraling the next time I start thinking about my options in the future, I can go do research on different PhD programs (without feeling guilty the whole time, like I have been until now)! I can ask my favorite professors for advice! I can reach out to current grad students to ask what they think of their advisors! All of which is actually productive and will help me make the most informed choice I can if and when the time comes, instead of ruminating endlessly on what the "best" one is!

TL;DR -- my therapist is very smart and understands me and the things my brain gets stuck on in a big way, and her advice has dislodged literal months of extremely disordered thinking just like that. Because now I feel like I've made a choice and have something to work towards. And also like I can breathe.

[jankwritten]

yall wanna know how fucked up my anxiety is about some shit

i scroll past a post that's about a topic i don't like. whatever, it's fine. i scroll past a video that's a topic i don't care about. that's normal.

i scroll past a video that's a topic i don't like or care about but the person presenting it is a person of color? i IMMEDIATELY feel immensely guilty and need to "compensate" by "proving" it wasn't because of race by also skipping other random posts, JUST IN CASE someone thinks I'm racist because I didn't want to watch a video on a topic I didn't like or care about, that happened to be presented by a person of color.

this just in on: the police in my brain are loud and i'm scared of them

[tanicus-caesareth]

guarana drama, damage control

[astralvoids]

Funny thing to explain that tends to fall on people's ears even with immense research is how versatile OCD is.

OCD simply refers to obsessive compulsive disorder. It's a disorder around an obsessive thought which distresses which then triggers an compulsion or urge that is done or is on the mind in order to sooth the obsessive thought.

Nowhere in this disorders description refers to cleaning or cleanliness so it does irk me that people still use the term "I'm so OCD" for referring to not standing mess. It's not only immesly rude but also further perpetuates the social myths of what OCD is vs the actual disorder.

I could elaborate further and have spent a long time researching the negative effects of disorders like OCD being buzz terms negatively effecting the people who struggle with OCD but that's another thought.

TLDR: OCD is not a cleanliness disorder or peak organization and schedules disorder. But an actual disorder that affects people in a variety of ways that's not silly goofy

[theexorcistiii]

Is it normal that I feel really seen by the final destination movies to the point that they’re almost kind of comforting

[ragnars-tooth]

One of my big compulsions is taking a fuck ton of screenshots Just In Case a piece of information is important in like 4 years and I can't remember it (sometimes the information is an instagram post that I might not remember later and of course needs to be recorded everywhere (I will Not be looking at that again)) so today is my transfer 16000 images off my phone admin day (woo)

Like yeah I never looked at any of them and they were completely irrelevant to my daily life, But what if I need them ✨️ later ✨️ (you'll see that the idea of Later is doing a lot of heavy lifting here) OR what if there's a vital piece of information in the mix somewhere that I'll lose forever if I delete them? So: onto the external hard drive they go

This is one of those cases where. Yeah. Ideally I wouldn't take 16000 screenshots in half a year. And YEAH ideally I'd just delete them and not transfer them somewhere else to never look at again. BUT at least I get a clean slate and I can maybe not mindlessly save everything for 2 seconds. It's like. Small wins? Progress. Yknow.