#and my mom has either a. not given me the insurance number and instead made a doctors appointment
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i know im a frustrating toxic person sometimes but dear god my mom drives me up the wall when i want to get help and she doesnt give me the shit i need
#vent#first part doesn’t make sense but its like#yeah im a shit person and an ass to my family sometimes#but when i fucking want to care for myself no one is there to fucking give me the resources#I’ve been trying to see a psychiatrist for months now#and my mom has either a. not given me the insurance number and instead made a doctors appointment#or b. told me the psychiatrist my doctor suggested is someone she doesn’t like and then never gave me the number for them#to see if they take our insurance#and its so!!! frustrating!!!!#yes i do things that are counterproductive like forget to take my meds or forget things until a week later#but dear god you can just fucking help me in the moment instead of saying later later later#im so so so tired of this constant cycle#just let me fucking get help please
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I’m struggling so much financially and honestly just wanted to vent somewhere. I’ve always lived in poverty and I think in my whole life I’ve had maybe 2 years where I didn’t have to stress about money and not be able to buy groceries or pay rent or be put into collections for not being able to make payments etc and that was when I was in college. For at least the past 5 years I’ve been struggling but I never talk about it. I don’t even know where to start haha I don’t even know what it’s like to not stress financially and be in debt. I’ll just start with the first things that come to mind with what I’m owing maybe. So it’s Dec. 23 and rent was due yesterday because we moved into this small suite attached to someone’s house on Nov. 22. It’s $1200 which is so expensive, but also the average price for BC if not even cheaper for a one-bedroom with a yard, utilities included. and no first and last, no pet deposits, etc because this is just short them for 4 months until the end of March because i reached out and asked and they said yes.
After 1 month I already remember why we went into the trailer almost 2 years ago and it’s literally because we can’t afford any other lifestyle. I think that’s the difference between us and some people that live in trailers, vans, etc. like we lived in a mouse & mouse shit infested trailer for 6 months breathing in their feces and urine and having it all over all our belongings. i literally had to take my whole life to the dump and we officially have no food storage because they ruined it all. there were at least 50-60 mice because a few birth cycles happened in the ceiling. I could write a whole post about my experience of living with field mice, but now isn’t the time so for rent, i only had $600 yesterday so that’s what I gave them. thank goodness they were okay with me asking for a few more days to make the other half. but I don’t even know when that’s going to be :(
my etsy shop veganveins has been doing so bad lately for more than one reason, most of my orders are just postcards and stickers, and while I’m grateful for them, that $1-3 profit isn’t going to keep my business going. and it’s so hard for me to work lately. the wifi doesn’t work sometimes for hours and I always get distracted by shawn and the dogs working from home in a small space. I need to get better at my time management. I got up at 8:30 today which is actually early for me so I’m proud of myself. I’m chronically ill and I really need to go get a blood test and see what’s happening because I haven’t gotten one since being diagnosed with graves disease again 1.5 years ago. anyways. i switched to a print on demand method this year for veganveins for some shirts and sweaters because i couldn’t afford to keep ordering shirts in bulk, and it’s honestly been so, so expensive and i barely make any profit. I’m currently owing my t-shirt printer $999 on one invoice (it was originally $2196 so I’ve at least paid half of it) but that was 2 weeks ago and I still need to pay it. Mario, my t-shirt printer has been with me since I started veganveins and I’m so grateful he gives me extensions on paying the invoices. every other t-shirt printer I’ve ever asked has said no. in addition to the $999 there’s going to be another $2200 invoice I’ll be receiving this week for my last order. I think because of the holidays he’s going to give me some time to pay off that too, but the problem is when I have outstanding invoices he doesn’t print new orders for me. He’s closed now until Jan. 4 so I just need to somehow make that much before then.
btw I don’t have a credit card ($8500 all used on veganveins and it got put into collections last march) and I had a fully used $5000 line of credit but I got a debt consolidation loan for $16,000 1 month ago and my payment for that is $167 a month. it fully paid off and closed my credit card and line of credit + $3000 overdraft which is nice. but now I don’t have any extra money except for what comes in. my credit is only 640 which is really bad in canada so I won’t get approved for a new credit card or loan until I build that up, which is going to be a few months of regular payments. so for regular payments, the $167 for the loan is due on Dec. 27. Yesterday the trailer loan which is literally unliveable from what the mice did until we renovate it came out for $260, that’s how much I pay once a month for it on the 22nd. I didn’t have $260 in my account so it got rejected and I got charged a $48 NSF fee. omg if anyone is reading this long i’m shook. i’m genuinely just writing this for myself to process my feelings and in case anyone was curious about my financial situation here you go haha. maybe some of you can relate, maybe some can’t. anyways. so now I somehow have to get $260 in my account for that for when they try to take it out again in the next few days.
another payment that was supposed to come out yesterday but hasn’t, but I’m sure will come out today is our truck loan. they deferred it for 8 months because of covid which was so nice, but we started paying it again 2 months ago. for both those months I called and made my payment a later date and that helped, but there’s barely any service here so when I called 4 times yesterday to try and change the date the payment comes out, I was on hold for 20-30 mins then my phone would disconnect and hang up. so that’s $586 and it will come out today, I have $0.46 in my account right now so it will get rejected and I’ll get charged another $48 NSF fee. this is why being poor always costs more and the banks are always harsher on those who don’t have money. today I’ll try calling again to see if I can ask for it to come out on a different day like january 10 instead, so I can first have time to pay rent and the trailer and also our $190 truck insurance which got rejected from my account 3 days ago, which was another $48 NSF fee. oh and something else i’m so stressed about is CIBC is going to put me into collections on December 28 if I don’t pay $1000, $700 of which is purely their fees. I have a $300 overdraft which they said i have to cover by then and the $700 is literally their $48 fees added up over the past 3 months. I got a text from them today saying my account is over and it’s because an amnesty international $11 monthly donation came out and obvi there’s no money in there, so that’s another $48 they charged. they’ve already given me a month to pay it and don’t want to wait any longer :(
I owe everyone in my family money, my sister $1650, my mom $700 and my brother also lent me $700. none of my siblings have money either and my mom definitely doesn’t so I hate that i had to borrow that much, and it’s literally been months. thankfully they’re so patient but i can’t wait to not owe them that
omg and i can’t even think about the amount of money shawn’s grandma has lent us. she’s genuinely the only reason we haven’t been completely homeless. but it’s a lot. like i don’t even want to say the number on here. she let us use it from her line of credit over the years and we’ve been slowly paying her back, but she lets us go months at a time without making a payment which i honestly hate doing, but have no choice. i’ve felt a lot of shame and guilt about this, but I also know that she genuinely would rather help us than see us suffer.
so i’m gonna talk about a big reason I’m broke this month especially - saving a pig named buster. his rescue cost me $1850 out of pocket that I didn’t have. but otherwise he was going to be killed in 2 days, he was my baby and I loved him so I had to do it. I somehow made $1350 that went towards it but I’m still owing $500, which I just asked for an extension for today until the new year. i’m not really supposed to talk about it but everything I’ve ever posted here has stayed here, so that cost was literally just from me buying the pig off the farmer. myself along with everyone else ive talked to is disgusted that he charged that much, but he wasnt budging and if that’s what it was going to take, of course I’m going to do it. I wouldn’t think twice about doing it for my dogs and Buster was smarter and more affectionate than them. i love him and I’m so happy he was saved. a non-profit organization transported him to a sanctuary and it was my biggest wish come true and the happiest moment I’ve had all year. my eyes are literally tearing up haha i love him so much. i could write a whole post about his neglect but basically he hasn’t had fresh water in weeks, he was only being fed handfuls of mixed nuts, he was constantly dirty in a muddy enclosure with an electric fence that he was always getting shocked on. he never got true love or affection except for when I gave him it. i posted an instagram story about him and asked people to message me and that i needed help, 2 people donated $111 and $120 each, and 2 other people donated $15 and $12. Someone also e-transferred me $20. These 4 donations equaled almost $300 ($277) and I was so grateful for those people wanting to help me help buster. if anyone else wants to help me with the cost of his rescue i still do need help and would appreciate it so much. this feels really weird and vulnerable for me to do and i’m sorry if anyone is annoyed by this post, I just genuinely am struggling and figured if someone does have extra and wants to help, there isn’t harm in that. but i do feel guilty for asking because i know there are so many other people struggling out there that need even more help than i do :(
i haven’t talked about it publically but i guess I will now, this farmer that I bought buster off of is the owner of the organic vegetable farm i was living and working at this past spring and summer. we worked really hard all summer to be able to stay there and park for free in the winter, but this past fall he told us no one was allowed to stay at the farm anymore, including us, so we had to find a new place to bring our 14ft trailer in to live. so that was an unexpected bummer and if we had known we wouldn’t be allowed staying there anymore (despite doing the labour of $1200 a month for free harvesting organic kale, for an off-grid spot he told us was worth $350 a month to park) we wouldn’t have driven 8 hours with the trailer and we would have stayed in the snow in northern BC and sucked it up and lived on the land we got the opportunity to rent this fall. Donna, the woman who is renting the land to us has been the biggest blessing in my life this year. I love her so much. Basically, she’s letting us live on 170 acres for $600 a month. letting us do whatever we want on the land (building a cabin, setting up rainwater catchment systems, having a solar passive greenhouse and a huge garden) LIKE WHAT. we could even open a farm sanctuary if we had money, i wanted to so bad but obviously that dream didn’t even come close to being reality. opportunities like this literally don’t exist in canada, especially not in BC. i cant even process my gratitude, i cry everytime i think about it. when we go back in the spring it’s going to be the beginning of the rest of our life :) i want to rescue so many senior dogs. everything we’ve always wanted to do we’ll be able to do, assuming we have money haha. but i want to have an organic farm and grow veggies to donate to families in need, especially since we live on stolen indiginious land and I see how the goverment actively restricts their access to fresh healthy produce. but anyways by then it was too dangerous to drive 8 hours back hauling a trailer in the snow and it was just easier to stay in the okanagan until the spring. i know the farmer probably doesn’t realize this and he’s also probably struggling financially but not being able to stay at the farm for the winter months we worked for, and buying buster for that price is a big reason I’m in the financial stress I am now so I figured i’d talk about it.
anyways. i think this is long enough and i think anyone reading this gets the point, i’m drowning in debt, my small business is almost costing me more to run and i’m not making nearly enough profit to live, the past few months ive been living off grid (not by choice) and just focused literally on surviving and not freezing and getting water etc and not having service or internet has affected me negatively. there’s internet now in the suite I’m in, it works really good in the morning and not as well at night, like for example tumblr doesn’t work past 5 pm for me to post photos. but ive been in a bad sleep schedule since i got here that i need to change. im sick and i need to heal myself. tomorrow i’ll set my alarm for 7:30. hopefully i make some money today. i got a social media managing job and it will end up being $1000 a month once i do the 3+ hours a day of work which im already feeling like i barely have time for my own basic life tasks. but i can do this.
if anyone reading this wants to help me out a bit, my paypal email is [email protected] or http://www.paypal.com/paypalme/veganveins
and my e-transfer email is [email protected] i have auto deposit so you won’t have to ask a question :)
this is my first time in 7 years i’ve made a post like this or asked for help. i won’t do it again but figured i have nothing to lose. if you read up to here i love you a lot and thank you so much for being here <3
#personal#finances#broke#poor#vegan#small business owner#graves disease#saving animals#off grid#I wonder if anyone will even read this all#debt#life update lol#p
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Get Hurt {Dean Winchester x Reader}
Requested by: @fandomofyourchoice-89 Wordcount: 3973 Summary: Arguing with Dean is never fun. Getting into an accident after you leave said argument is even worse. But such things can have a silver lining. Notes: Some swearing.
You might have offered a lot of things to Dean Winchester, but your freedom was not one of those things. A bit of flesh here, a bit of blood there was one thing, but letting him dictate who you am allowed to talk to - and when? That was asking too much of you. When you woke up to a good morning text from the bartender you were chatting with the night before, you had been feeling pretty on top of the world. It was nice to have a little bit of positive attention, even if it wasn’t exactly from the person you were hoping to have it from. Dean may know monsters, but he couldn’t pick up on your feelings, even from a foot away. He snatched the phone out of your hand to see who the text was from, joking that it was probably from your mom, but when he saw the unfamiliar number, he went from teasing to overprotective. That was not the Dean that you liked to see. He was treating you like you were his car, when someone else was trying to get in the driver’s seat.
“I don’t need to justify myself to you of all people!” You said, wrinkling your nose as you pulled on your sweater for the day. The weather outside wasn’t at the point of frightful, but it was still chilly for the early fall. It helped you to feel less exposed to Dean’s eyes as well, which was good with how sharp they were being today.
“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” Dean shot back. You looked over at Sam, hoping for some sort of aid, but there was nothing there. The tall moose of a man just disappeared into the small bathroom, closing the door behind him. On one hand, that was a smart move. Your fights with Dean were known to be explosive, though they didn’t happen very often. It was usually just sarcastic comments. But no amount of sass was enough to express your anger today. You were not in the mood to deal with this shit. Not today, and not ever. On the other, it was annoying. You could really use the back up.
“It means that you don’t get to lecture me about a single text message, when you’re the one who always goes home with the bartenders, the single moms, who even knows anymore. Any woman gives you a pretty smile and you swoon off into the sunset, leaving Sam and I behind. And you’re giving me hell over a single text? Really?”
“I don’t sleep with every girl, and it shouldn’t matter! I work hard, I deserve to have a little fun.”
“The fact that you don’t think I work hard enough to exchange numbers with one guy is insulting, Winchester. Downright insulting. You threw your coat on over your sweater, given the weather - and you just wanted to have as much of your clothes on as possible. And there was good reason for that. “You know that vacation that I’ve been talking about taking? I’m leaving today. Right now, actually. Goodbye to your storm cloud, hello sunny California.”
“You don’t get to walk away like this,” Dean said, going to the door that lead to the outside world, and folded his arms. “We have a lot of work to do in this area, Bobby said-”
“Then you better get to it then, shouldn’t you? No time to waste. Not for Dean, the hard working man! And since I hardly do anything, according to you, I should leave. I wouldn’t want to be a hindrance to your greatness!”
In response to this, all that you got was silence. You threw your bag over your shoulder, and put your helmet under your arm, ready to leave. Your bike was calling you, and you were looking forward to the dust blowing under your tires back out on the open road. The problem was that Dean still wasn’t moving.
“Get out of my way, Winchester,” You said, reverting to last names. That tended to be how you reacted when angry at him.
“No,” He said, his biceps flexing beneath the flannel shirt that was keeping him warm. “You know that we need you-”
“And I need away from you!” You shouted, exasperated. “Either you are going to move from that door, or so help me, I’m going to call the police on your credit card scams.”
It was one of the few threats that you had under your belt. Sure, he and Sam would get booked and it would take a couple of hours for Bobby to talk them out of it, but that was a couple of hours horribly wasted.
“Fine, leave, just walk away,” Dean’s deep voice seemed to go even deeper as he moved away from the door.
“Fuck you,” You said, giving him the finger as you walked out of the motel room. It felt good to leave that negativity behind. That overbearing feeling that made you feel as if Dean only saw you as a little sister, rather than as the capable woman that you knew you were. Actually, it was like he didn’t see you as a woman at all, which was hurtful. You’ve loved him so long and-
And you were going to leave that behind, just for a little while. You would come back eventually. The Winchester charm always got to you, the same way that it did for every other woman that Dean talked to. It was the shy, stoic nature behind those green eyes. The way that he quietly seemed to look into your soul, and never had a complaint about what was found.
Think of the palm trees that you were going to see. Think of the beaches, the waves rolling on the sand. Think of being able to lay out and feel the sun on your skin. You could order fruity alcohol drinks from hot waiters wearing only their bathing suits. Maybe you’ll even spot a Kardashian, which you could rub into Dean’s face. You could roll over and say, “Ha, Dean, I spotted her first!”
Except for the fact that Dean wouldn’t be there. It was just as much a break from him as it was a break from the hunt.
You got onto your bike, put the helmet atop your head, and backed away from the black impala as quickly as you could. You refused to look back. That would just be giving Dean satisfaction that you were having second thoughts.
You turned out of the motel and ended up on a long stretch of road that lead west. That was exactly the way that you wanted to go. There weren’t many people about, considering this wasn’t one of the big highways though that would be coming soon.
You slowed down as you saw a shadow dart out across the road, coming from one of the patches of trees. It startled you enough that you lost your balance on the bike, and it started to wobble beneath you. You braced yourself for the crash as the bike finally decided which side it was going to fall on, and you skidded off of the concrete onto the brush by the side of the road. All you can remember is trying to make sure the bike didn’t land too hard on your leg, for it could easily break it.
-
When you came to, you were hearing arguing. The familiar sound of Dean’s voice. “Leave Sammy alone,” You groaned, before opening your eyes. Instead of the expected scene of a motel room, you were surprised to see that you were in a hospital bed. And instead of Dean arguing with his brother, it was a small woman in scrubs that was giving Dean hell.
You remembered everything in that instant, and reached up to touch your head, expecting the worst case scenario. You were anticipating blood or bruises or waking up with a huge bulging eye like Quasimodo in the Disney film. Your chin was a bit tender, since that part hadn’t been entirely covered by the helmet, but the rest of your face felt fine. Dean was watching over you with those stern eyes of his, and suddenly you wished that you were ugly. Then he wouldn’t give you shit for leaving because you already suffered the consequences.
“Don’t start,” You said, looking at him before turning your attention to the Doctor. Or nurse, you couldn’t quite tell. “I definitely feel the effects of the painkillers so I don’t really know what’s wrong.”
The doctor went into professional mode, coming to your side and checking the IV bag that was giving you fluids. “I’m Dr. Williams, you’re in the Kansas Medical Center, and you’re going to be just fine, first and foremost. You did break two of your ribs, but neither ended up piercing any organs. You did fracture your femur and patella, though with some physiotherapy once the cast is off, you should be back to normal, unless you were running marathons.”
“Not quite,” You said, breathing out in relief. Though that did make you well aware of the odd feeling in your chest. Those pesky broken ribs, no doubt.
The doctor left the room after giving you another sweep, and an idea of how long you may have to be in the hospital for. Another night of observation, then she wanted to have you come in for physiotherapy. You said you would, though no doubt you would be back on the road before then, and doing your own exercises. This wasn’t the first time that you’ve broken a bone, though it was the first time it happened outside of a hunt. You figured you knew enough to take care of it on your own.
“What, because I left you had to argue with the Doctor too? Your temper knows no bounds, Winchester,” You said to Dean once Sam stepped out to get some coffee. Dean looked far from amused at that. “Did our insurance scam not go through?”
“This isn’t a joke,” Dean said, closing the door to your private room. That alone told you that the insurance went through. There’s no way that they would put you in a room like this unless they were getting the big bucks. American Medical Care at it’s finest. “You were an inch away from puncturing a lung. If the farmer didn’t see you wipe out-”
“Yeah, well, I’m sure that being friends with angels had a hand in that,” You leaned back against the pillow rather than attempted to sit up. Dean came to stand at the end of the bed, and clenched his fists around the bars at the end of it. “Look, I don’t know how they got a hold of you, or what you think you’re doing, but I’m still taking off to California. Just ... bring my bike to Bobby’s and I’ll fix it when I get back. I’ll just fly, or bus as soon as I can sit up properly.”
“The hell you are,” He raised his voice at you. He hadn’t straight up yelled at you like that in quite some time, even while he was angry. It was startling. “We are all sticking around here, and you are going to listen to the Doctor’s orders.”
“That’s rich, coming from you,” You muttered. No Winchester was good at following orders, not even from a well-meaning Doctor. And because of how much time you’ve spent around them, you might as well have been one.
“Excuse me?” He asked, quick to hear your words.
“You’re not well known for following anyone’s orders, Winchester. You just like giving them out, even when completely unwarranted. Like right now,” You glared at him. “Did you just come here to tell me more about what I should and shouldn’t do? To gloat? Just tell me what you want from me, so that we can move on, honestly. This is getting old.”
“I want you to be safe!” He said, his hands tightening around the rails, the knuckles turning white. “I don’t want you off with some random guy, and I don’t want you alone in California and I don’t want you to crash your stupid damn bike on a country road!”
“Why do you think that I can’t take care of myself? We’ve been hunting together for years now!”
The look in his eye after I said this made me sink a little into myself. They say the road to hell is paved with good intentions. And the hurt that he was feeling made me understand that he was leaving no bit of road unpaved.
“You ended up in the hospital because you ran away,” Dean said, leaning down low, hanging his head so that you could no longer see his expression. That didn’t mean that the pain was invisible, though. “And I’m the one that made you do that.”
“And if I died, you would blame yourself,” You sighed, catching his line of thinking. “But I’m okay. I’m always okay.” You would have gone to the other end of the bed and touched his hand if you could. You could feel the anger and the guilt radiating off of him, like black lines in an anime show. But the discomfort, and pain which was starting to come through despite the meds, was making you stay where you were. “Alright, I have an idea.”
He lifted his head slightly at that, his eyes wide and glistening like a Disney princess. The great Dean Winchester, crying?
“Buy me a burger, bring it back here and we’ll have a dinner and talk - actually talk, not yell at each other this time, okay?”
-
After you were released from the hospital, limping on a cast that was a huge hindrance, things began to change. You couldn’t tell if it was from guilt or because Dean actually wanted to take care of you. But you let him do whatever it was that he wanted to do, because it was the only way for him to cope with what had happened. You and Sam had talked about it late one night when Dean was out to get you your favorite burger, and both agreed that it was best to let this run it’s course, unless he got entirely overbearing again. It was bound to happen sooner or later though. He had already offered to carry you to Baby on more than one occasion rather than let you hobble.
“Dean,” You groaned for the second time that day, though you were definitely blushing more this time. It was a good thing that he couldn’t see through the bathroom door. He was just on the other side of it, so he could hear you, though. “I can bathe by myself. You’re just getting perverted now.”
“I just want to help,” He said, being able to hear that stupid damn smirk on his face. God, he was irresistible. Even you had to admit that it had been nice to have him pamper you. But now he was wanting to help you wash in the bath while your cast had to be raised up on the edge of the tub. It had been a little difficult to get in and out of lately.
You wrapped the robe tighter around your body. “If I agree...” You said, coyly, biting on your lip, fingers against the lock. “Do you promise that you won’t look.”
“Depends,” He said, and you saw the door physically move, like he was leaning against it. “Are there going to be bubbles to help cover you up?”
You looked behind you at the bathtub that was about half full. You had a small pile of bathbombs that you bought online to at least try to make the experience a little better. It took a lot longer to get in and out of the bath, so you might as well make it as pretty as possible. “There might be a few bubbles, but the water will be colored,” You admitted. It would hide some parts of your body pretty well. But others would be sticking out.
“I promise I’ll try my best,” was all that Dean had to offer.
“Okay just umm - just give me a second, alright?” You unlocked the door to the bathroom, then attempted to take a step backwards, but pushed a little too roughly on your casted foot. A sharp pain went through your leg and you cursed yourself for being so stupid.
“Are you alright?” Dean asked, his ears catching onto that.
“Yeah, I’m fine, just a minute, alright?” You called out. You took off the robe, and grabbed the towel instead. You wrapped it around your body in a way that it would be easy to take off once you were ready to sink down into the water. What you really needed help with was keeping your balance as you went down, since you had to keep one leg up. Even then, you had it wrapped in cellophane so it wasn’t as likely to get wet. You definitely regretted taking off the way that you did.
You put your good foot into the water, then crouched down, attempting to go on your own as far as you could, but you felt yourself wobbling. You had to put your casted leg on the ground outside of the tub again. You didn’t trust yourself not to fall. Holding the towel tightly against your chest, you finally said, “Okay, I need help. But don’t look, okay?”
The door slowly opened and Dean came inside, one hand covering his eyes and the other reaching out to try to grab a hold of something. He himself nearly tripped on the small carpet and you had to hold your hand out to steady him. You sighed, wondering if he was being this bad on purpose. “Alright, just hold my hand and help me get down, yeah?”
Dean could at least do this. As you got closer to the water, you slid your towel off with the hand that Dean wasn’t holding, and tossed it outside of the tub.
“What was that?” He questioned right away.
“My towel,” You admitted to him. “So keep your damn eyes closed.”
“Eyes closed. Scout’s honor.”
“As if you were a scout.”
You balanced your bad leg on top of the lip of the bathtub so it was jutting out. It was a bit awkward but once you were sitting in the tub, and leaned back, it was a lot better. You sighed contently, then realized that Dean was still holding onto your hand. You quickly snatched it out of his grip then closed the shower curtain on him so he couldn’t see anything anyway. “I’m all sorted, thanks.”
“No problem,” He said from the other side of the curtain. You waited for him to leave but you didn’t hear any footsteps, nor the bathroom door open and close. But what you did see was one side of the curtain moving slightly, as if it were being pulled ever so slowly.
“What do you think you’re doing?”
“Can’t blame a man for trying,” He chuckled, the curtain falling back into position. “I never ... really apologized for making you run away. And causing all of this.”
“You could never make me do anything. And you didn’t cause this. The stupid farmer who didn’t mind his chickens did,” You wrinkled your nose, thinking about how tempted you were to sue that guy. “Though I will accept your apology about being a jerk. And a bitch.”
“Hey,” He said. You heard the toilet cover flip down, and Dean had the audacity to sit on it. The nerve! Although ... it was actually really sweet that he was in here, making sure that you didn’t have to bathe alone. “I might have been being stubborn, but I had a point. That bartender was a jerk. He was giving his number to everyone with a pulse.”
“So what if he was? It’s not your job to tell me who I can and can’t see. And if I do end up getting hurt, then it’s on him, and it shouldn’t be me that you get mad at.”a
“I wasn’t mad at you,” He said, and you could hear him tensing. The water was moving in small ripples around your body, and it was the only thing causing sound. “I was mad at myself for not telling you sooner.”
“Telling me what?”
“That I care about you.”
This was getting to be a bit too much for you handle. You put your hands on either side of the tub, took in a deep breath, then lowered yourself into the purple-colored water. It smelled strongly of lavender with jasmine, and the scent had filled your nose just as you slipped under the water. You didn’t open your eyes, you just went under to cool the feeling of your cheeks burning. Even the warm water was cooler than that. When you rose yourself up, you saw to your dismay that Dean was peeking around the side of the curtain. But at least his eyes were on yours, rather than on any part of your body. And that everything you didn’t want him to see was covered by the colored water and the bubbles that came with it.
“What are you doing?” You said, moving your hands to cover yourself up further.
“You didn’t reply.”
“Did I have to? I would think that my actions over the last few months in particular spoke enough for me.”
Dean stepped back, the curtain moving into it’s usual position, but you still didn’t relax. “It’s really hard to have this conversation when you’re naked.”
“Shouldn’t have started it then,” You grumbled, but you couldn’t even find yourself getting mad. Dean cared about you. That was something that he didn’t say to many people. If he did express that - holy shit, were you ever in. Neither of you spoke for the next ten minutes. Instead, you just focused on yourself, washing your body and your hair. As far as you could tell, Dean didn’t peek again, but remained on his seat on the porcelain throne. “I’m going to need some help up, if that’s alright,” You said, once you’ve finished.
“Yeah,” He said. “Eyes are covered.”
You pulled the plug on the bath, and watched as Dean’s strong arm came through the curtain, holding his hand down low to grasp yours. You took it, and slowly, with the help of his sturdiness, got back onto your good foot, the other still being supported by the side of the bathtub. “Do you think you could...” You were about to ask him for your towel but he took his hand away from you before you could finish your sentence. Instead of getting handed a towel, the curtain opened and revealed Dean holding open your robe. He no longer had his hand over his eyes like a child, but he was facing the opposite way, eyes closed. You smiled, thinking about how sweet he was being.
And hoping it would last after you healed up properly.
#Dean Winchester#dean winchester x reader#Dean Winchester oneshot#Supernatural#Supernatural oneshot#request#oneshot#one shot#deanw
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Everything Wrong With The Umbrella Academy. Episode 4, Man on the Moon.
We Only See Each Other at Weddings and Funerals
Run Boy Run
Extra Ordinary
Disclaimer: This is all in good fun! I wanted to do a really nitpicky re-watch of the series and found some really cool and interesting things I didn’t notice before. This is meant to have a Cinema Sins-esque tone. However, I did take off a lot more sins than Cinema Sins would have because I do genuinely like the series and the people that made it possible. So all of the good things got one sin off and all the bad things got one sin added. This is a really long post, so grab some popcorn. If there’s anything that I missed, feel free to add it!
I would also like to add, that normally you wouldn’t watch a show this way. I am purposefully looking for mistakes, easter eggs, and other things that we’re not supposed to notice. To be honest, I am seeing a lot of the things I’m pointing out for the first time because I am watching not with the goal of entertainment, but for analysis.
Man on the Moon
Tom Hopper’s workout routine. -1
What was Luther holding in his hand? A lighter? A toy? I can’t tell. It’s weird that they put something there at all. +1
Klaus knocked down the wall between his and Vanya’s rooms. That was the one thing in the house that said Vanya ever lived there and he destroyed it. +2
However, Klaus’s room looks really, really cool. Set designers, you win this one. -1
The bike. I have questions about that bike. When did Luther get it? Or did it belong to all the children? Sinning because no way Reggie would buy Luther a bike. Or give one to the children. +1
The shot following Luther directly gave me a bit of motion sickness. +1
Netflix subtitles have Reginald saying “Attention, Master Luther” when it is clearly Pogo. +1
“Mission alert” +1
Everyone else is gone! Luther has no backup. Reggie is a dick to Luther. +1
I know I should have mentioned this in the last episode, but Reggie put five young children in leather catsuits. Potentially six, but we never see Five in one. And he still makes Luther wear it as an adult! +6
Luther never leaves the house and keeps going on missions for Reggie because of a sense of responsibility. I can understand that. -1
However, Reggie was the one who fostered that in Luther. He made Luther think that he was responsible for saving the city, when in reality that’s up to law enforcement officers. +3
Why didn’t Luther go to a real hospital? Did Reggie take him home? How did Luther end up back in the Academy after that mission? +1
Was Luther dead? Reggie feels for his pulse and says “dammit”. Did the ape serum bring him back to life? +1
How long was Luther on that table? We see him with a beard in episode one, but it isn’t as crazy as this one. Also, does Luther bleach his hair now, or what? I am confused by Luther now being a brunette with impressive facial hair. +1
Tom Hopper nails ‘dawning horror and shock at now being an ape’. -1
Pop goes the weasel. +1
Who wound that box and placed it there? And why? The only other people there are Reggie, Grace, and Pogo. No way they did something so cruel and juvenile after permanently disfiguring him. +1
The umbrella the monkey-in-the-box suddenly has the title when it didn’t earlier. +1
“There’s something you have to see”. Yes Allison, continue to be vague. I’m sure Luther will appreciate it. Why not “I think the assassins killed Mom. Come take a look.” Is it because that would have been too logical? +1
Luther is still calling her “Grace”. +1
“Poor Diego. I mean this is gonna be so hard on him”. Choke on that irony, everyone. +1
“I don’t wanna discuss it”. This family. Allison said the same thing about Claire moments before telling Luther everything. Parallels. +1
Vanya spent the night at Leonard’s house. Sigh. +1
“For one day I’ll think you’ll be fine”. What makes you think that, Leonard? +1
Vanya takes one sip of her coffee and never touches it again. Leonard doesn’t even drink his. What is the point of the damn coffee? +1
“When I was a kid I felt like I had to apologize for even breathing.” Reggie is a dick. +7
“I don’t think my Dad ever forgave me for being born” foreshadowing patricide. +1
Vanya and Leonard talk in front of the Icarus Theatre. Comics fans, you know why that’s significant. +1
Helen doesn’t acknowledge Vanya’s greeting like a normal human being. +1
People are already tuning, Vanya! Get your ass in the theatre so you can do the same! +1
Leonard is stupidly charming. I hate that he’s sort of likable, but it makes sense for what they’re using him for. +1
The kidnapping of Klaus Hargreeves. +4
Klaus is too kinky to tourture. -1
Where is that blood on his chest coming from? +1
Ten hours of tourture! Fuck you show for making Klaus go though that. +10
“He’s a freak like his brother”. Which one? You met Luther and Diego. And they presumably know Five through the Commission. But which one is the freak into kinky shit? Diego? +1
“Remember Trinidad”. Noodle incident. (if you don’t know what that is google Noodle incident TV Tropes)+1
This motel has a surprising amount of towels in the bathroom. Some of the nicer places I’ve stayed don’t have that many. +1
Patch lives in house 204. “2” and “4”. Hmmm. +1
Does Diego show up on Patch’s doorstep being emo often? +1
Why is she still thinking about the 1938 fingerprint? We know that it’s plausible because of Five, but the police department should have thrown that out. It doesn’t make any sense and fingerprints can be alike. +1
She mentions the 30s cold case and Diego starts to look up in recognition. Even if he doesn’t know about the Commission or the Apocalypse, he does know about Five’s ability to time travel. He even mentions “The Boy”. Diego thinks that it was Five based on the fingerprint and his examination of the two crime scenes. -1
“For once, just try things my way”. Foreshadowing. +1
Diego hasn’t bothered to clean up the blood on his face from last night. Weirdo. +1
Allison is already forming a plan to kick Leonard’s ass the moment she sees his silhouette. Good. -1
Also, not the first time the audience has seen Leonard creeping around. Remember when he stole the journal? +1
Allison takes him down easy. Character moment showing that her superhero training hasn’t left her. Also, Allison is a badass. -1
Allison sees right through Leonard. This scene is excellent. -1
Lance has a really cute dog. -1
After seeing the shady deal while tailing Meritech, Five decides to tail Lance instead of just watching the building. Good job, Five. -1
How do you bill insurance companies for fake things? You need an insurance ID or SSN to have a patient. Where does Lance get these fake numbers from? +1
Why are eyeballs such a hot commodity? +1
“Names and numbers and I need it NOW” Five is scary. -1
Five jumped into the seatbelt. Did his powers secure it for him? +1
Five has a really organized desk. I wish I could read what he labeled the binders. +1
Luther decided to search Five’s room for clues. Pogo would be excellent at cinema sins. +1
For all we make fun of Diego’s stupid outfit, just remember, comics Diego has an even stupider one. This is the stupidity turned down. +1
The labels are now upside down on the binders when they were right side up in the last shot. +1
Either Five was a really good artist, or Reggie let Five have a poster above his bed that didn’t feature the academy. No explanation is given. +1
Five’s wallpaper depicts a boy pulling a mannequin in a wagon. -1
Luther punches a hole in Five’s wardrobe. This is never mentioned again. +1
“When you watch those nature shows does it turn you on?” Diego is a dick. +1
If you look really closely, you can see something that looks suspiciously like the ending to Apocalypse suite in Five’s room as a piece of art taped to the wall. I checked with the comics. It looks very, very similar. -1
There are two cylindrical things on the wall. One on Five’s wall and one we can see through the doorway on the wall across from Five’s room. What is it? Nightlight? Loudspeaker? Alarm? +1
Ben Hargreeves enters the chat. -1
“Stay calm, Klaus” stay calm. +1
Hazel and Cha Cha spent over 10 hours beating the crap out of Klaus but they didn’t think of the training manual, something Cha Cha clearly has memorized, until now. +1
When did they grab his coat? Klaus was wearing nothing but a towel. Did Hazel decide to grab it on a whim? +1
“Asthma medication”. Klaus is still coherent enough to come up with an okay lie after 10 hours of tourture. +1
“Amputee hookers”. Nice call back to the comics. -1
Hazel and Cha Cha don’t hear Klaus say “not until they're high as kites” when responding to Ben. +1
“Klaus, be strong”. Ben’s facial expression was really weird with this line. +1
Klaus cracks after 10 hours of tourture while going through withdrawal. Impressive. -1
The multi-screen effects look really cool. -1
Watching Hazel and Cha Cha burn down Meritech while high as kites amuses me. -1
Watching this later while knowing that Meritech doesn’t really matter means that I don’t really care about this building. I wish there was something to make this more interesting instead of just making the eye a red herring. Leonard hasn’t lost an eye yet, so it doesn’t matter. +1
What were Hazel and Cha Cha dancing to in universe? Was this song playing on the radio or something?? +1
Luther goes through the door that’s too small for him because he’s Number One and Diego goes through the door that would actually accommodate Luther’s size. +1
Vanya’s book should be way more beat up than that if it survived the literal apocalypse with Five for 45 years. The ink looks too fresh, too. Unless this is another, newer copy of Extra Ordinary? Sin for confusion. +1
Five got way too close to that explosion. Five survives this without injury. +1
We see him lying amongst the shrapnel for crying out loud! +1
Gossip magazines. “We’re doing fine!” +1
Tween Hit is still a popular magazine seventeen years later. -1
“Vanya, she’s gone” is the vaguest wording ever. +1
However, Vanya understands this. Sin on the writers. +1
“It was those psychopaths last night” weird delivery. Allison’s tone is off. +1
Does Vanya not have any students other than Leonard? She’s perfectly free on some random afternoon so she can have a drink with Allison. +1
Hazel and Cha Cha coming down from their high. -1
Cha Cha hates doughnuts. +1
Reginald Hargreeves put his eight year old son in what amounted to a tourture chamber so he would stop being afraid. Reggie is a dick. +8
Why is Ben stuck in the closet with Klaus? +1
The cleaning lady (her name is Claudia, according to a card she leaves) has one of her ears uncovered. She totally would have been able to hear him. +1
Callback to the screw Hazel threw away to remind the audience that it’s important. -1
Ben’s whiny bullshit. Now is not the time, asshole. +2
We know why the dog ear is important, but why would Patch? At this point it’s a random piece of fabric that might look like something she saw on surveillance footage (Cha Cha’s mask). Point is, that could be something from Meritech and not necessarily urgent. +1
Patch gets the message intended for Five about Klaus. When Diego thinks that the missing brother is Five and that’s who he meant when he was talking to her. Choke on that irony and miscommunication. +1
This show is shot like a comic book and I love it. -1
“That’s what you do when you’re 17” in this specific circumstance, yes. In others, not so much. You don’t have to leave when you’re 17. +1
Luther calls out Diego for not being a real grown up while also not being a real grown up himself. +1
Diego asks “You ever even been with a girl”. Diego is a dick. +1
“We’re orphans again, dude”. When were you ever orphans? Sin for the writers for writing this or to Reggie for making them believe that they were regular orphans he adopted legitimately instead of buying. +1
“Do you ever stop talking. Wow that was easy.” I wheezed.-1
Five is drunk in the library with Dolores with equations scribbled all over the place. No one stopped him when he started writing on the walls in sharpie. +1
Five has two bottles of hard liquor with him. +2
“Drunk as a skunk” +1
The comedic timing of Five’s hand letting go of the bottle. -1
“Jerk off on your Mr. Snuggles teddy bear”. First of all, eww. Second of all, yeah, Vanya these are all valid points she’s making. You just met this dude! +1
“But sometimes men are unredeemable shits” yeah. Sin for men and for the fact that Vanya doesn’t know this. +1
“Yay sisters” -1
What are Allison and Vanya drinking? Seriously, what are their drinks of choice? It looks like Vanya has something like a gin and tonic or a vodka soda and Allison has a rum and coke, but I can’t really tell. This is a sin until I know for sure. +1
That is a lot of extra blood on Klaus with no explanation. +1
Draw Ben like one of your French girls, Klaus. -1
“Is your brother here now.” “You’re gonna have to be a little more specific on that” -1
Ben’s wink. -1
Reggie is a dick to his adopted children. +7
Torturing a literal child and calling it training. +4
Reggie, you dramatic bitch. +1
Warrants exist for a reason, Patch. +1
Also, Patch decides to follow Diego’s shitty advice without any backup. +1
Drunk Five being carried bridal style by Luther. Aidan Gallagher being carried bridal style by Tom Hopper. -1
“I’m going through puberty. Twice.” Sucks to be you. +2
You had two bottles, Five. And you somehow didn’t die of alcohol poisoning. +2
Diego’s face. -1
Aidan Gallagher doesn’t play drunk very well. To be fair, he’s never been drunk (or at least I hope he hasn’t), but it’s still a sin. +1
“You know I hate code names”, okay Spaceboy. +1
“I’m the four frickin horsemen” or Gabriel’s horn. -1
“You haven’t been this sober since you were a teenager, since you decided to keep the ghosts at bay”. I hate the delivery on this last line, but to be fair to Justin Min, it was a shitty line in the first place. Sin for delivery and for the writers. Also, gee Ben, I thought he was just doing drugs to be contrary. +2
Zoya Popova is so underrated. I love her. -1
Ben’s lil smile. -1
Vanya’s apartment is so warm and nice with all the lights on, but this is the only time we get to see it that way. When she is on good terms with Allison. Lighting cues. -1
Allison, you’re too tall to fit in Vanya’s sweatpants. They’d be sweat capris. +1
Have I mentioned how much I love Allison’s jacket in this episode yet? Because I really like it. -1
Creepy flowers are creepy. +1
“She knows it was a misunderstanding” Allison’s face all but says. “Do I?”. Emmy Raver-Lampman rules. -1
Also, Vanya speaks for Allison. +1
This is where they decide to show just how much of a creep Leonard is. Well done, show. -1
Leonard is a creepy, manipulative little bastard. +1
Sin off for the gory sfx makeup in this episode. The ghosts look brutal! -1
Syd the tow truck driver is back. Too bad he’s dead. +1
The dead cheerleader is disturbing. +1
This episode sort of confirms the headcanon that Klaus can speak/understand many languages. -1
The gore on Klaus keeps changing. +1
The switch in camera angles shows the shift in point of views, hence why the ghosts disappear. Clever. -1
Ben voice: Nicely done. -1
Patch waited a pretty long time. How long was the walk from the library to thy gym? +1
Chair scoot. Klaus is smart. -1
Klaus gives himself a concussion. Sinning because he had to give himself more trauma to escape from touture. +1
Claudia gives Patch the key to the room without question and then runs.+1
Klaus is coherent enough to think to hide in the vent. Klaus is a smart cookie. -1
The death of Detective Eudora Patch. +1
The Klaus theme -1
Kenny’s mom appearance! Her hat and jacket have matching flowers that also match her pants. Cute. -1
Klaus’s wink. -1
Kenny’s mom definitely saw a lot more of Klaus than what was already on display. +1
Time traveling briefcase! -1
Kenny’s mom looks for Klaus under the seat. What??? +1
Diego gives Dolores a chair. How nice of him. -1
Diego’s Prime 8s poster. If you know, you know. -1
Aidan Gallager sucks at pretending to sleep. +1
“You throw another one of those goddamn knives at me, I’m pressing charges”. I love Al. -1
It was a half hour walk from the library to the gym. Patch waited a really long time. +1
Now you remember Klaus after you found Five, who wasn’t really in any danger. +1
The little pat Luther gives Dolores. -1
Diego takes his gloves off. It’s like he wants to get framed. +1
This scene is really emotional and made me cry the first time I saw it. +1
David Castaneda is a really good actor. -1
The fridging of Detective Eudora Patch. +100
Overall Review:
This episode starts off on a really high note. I follow Tom Hopper on Instagram. He’s really fit. There is no denying that. I also appreciated the way he played Luther this episode. The scene where Luther realizes what his body looks like was heartbreaking to watch and really well acted.
Speaking of heartbreaking to watch, the fridging of Detective Patch pisses me off. For those who don’t know, “Fridging” is when a female character is hurt or killed in some way in order to move a man’s story/emotional development forward. Considering that Patch’s death is what starts Diego’s character development, I would say that this applies. I am genuinely disappointed in the writers for doing this to Patch. I think it’s been established that I respect Patch. She doesn’t take any shit and she follows her moral compass. That is her real character. She only screws up when it comes to Diego and this is no different. She decided to be reckless like him and paid the ultimate price. However, this is completely out of character. Based on what we’re shown, Patch should have brought up her suspicions to Beeman (the other detective) and went from there. But instead, she had to die. That injustice done to her character is what deserves 100 sins. The show really dropped the ball with this one.
Moving on, Vanya and Allison have some really good interaction in this episode. I think it’s a little weird how quickly Vanya forgave Allison after the shit she said last episode. Diego and Allison treated Vanya like a fragile object, which is what led her to Leonard. To be fair, Vanya was pretty stupid that last episode when she didn’t run away, but that doesn’t excuse what Diego said and Allison agreed with. Overall, the yay sisters thing was a good, but sus moment.
Next, Klaus and Ben. Almost everything Ben said in this episode pissed me off. The “that’s the real tourture” speech was awful. For all the fandom loves him, Ben is a prick. However, Ben was also able to keep Klaus calm and encouraged him to control his power over the many, many ghosts in the room. So it’s kind of a wash for me this episode. I hope season 2 explores more of his character and why he would choose to say something so awful while his brother is being literally tortured.
As for the main plot, Five’s only lead, not that it really matters yet, has been destroyed. Hazel and Cha Cha realize that they’re going to end the world if they complete their mission. And Leonard has finally been revealed to be a creep who wants something to do with Vanya’s pills. On a rewatch, we know why that’s significant, but a first time viewer would be confused in a good way. The show wants the audience to ask: Why? Vanya’s pills have been there for important moments up until this point. And now there are being forcibly taken out of the equation. Why?
Total: 193
Sentence: Getting drunk in the library with your mannequin wife while trying to do math.
#The Umbrella Academy#all in good fun#show warnings apply#lots of spoilers#luther hargreeves#diego hargreeves#Allison Hargreeves#klaus hargreeves#five hargreeves#ben hargreeves#vanya hargreeves#eudora patch#leonard peabody#hazel and cha cha#analysis of the umbrella academy
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PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT!
Hello everyone! 2020… WOW. Can I just say that it has been a complete and utter rollercoaster! IT’S BEEN AWFUL! I am making this post to explain multiple things about myself, my stories, my accounts, etc, so grab a cup of your favorite drink and finger snacks because this is gonna be one long a*$ post! (Excuse my French, but considering everything I’m about to explain I felt like I needed to write that!)
First off, 2020. I believe everyone thought that 2020 was going to be their year. Everyone had their hopes and spirits high to the skies. I was one of those many people. I celebrated New Years Eve with my boyfriend of 3 and a half years and thought this year would be perfect. Valentines day on a Friday, my 21st birthday on Easter, 4th of July on a Saturday, etc. COVID-19 happened. I live in Cedar Rapids Iowa where honestly, my governor had and still has done sh*t about COVID-19.
Around the end of March I was hit with some very hard information.
The daycare I worked at, 8-5, as a full time job during the week of spring break had it’s numbers DROP. I went from a class of 12 children to a minimum of 4 a day to a maximum of 7 children. I was even given Wednesday off along with my teacher assistant as we were TOO overstaffed at the center. Usually when I leave work at 5 o'clock, there’s about 20 to 25 children left by the end of the day since we close at 6. I should have known that Monday that the week was going to get worse. There were only 6 CHILDREN at the center when I left EARLY at 4:30. The next day I came home at 10 since we were overstaffed again, and was called at noon that our daycare was shut down. I’m laid off. Start filing for unemployment.
I was completely HEARTBROKEN. I was truly hoping to stay open, not for the pay or to “get the virus so I can stay home” as some of my co workers joked-but to stay open for the CHILDREN. I was praying that they could get through this and that this whole COVID-19 would blow ALLLLLLLLLLLLLL over soon… boy, was I WRONG!
I celebrated my 21st birthday at the apartment with my boyfriend instead of bar hopping since everything was shut down. I was completely and utterly BOARD. I had no clue what to do with myself! During this time, my boyfriend was also stuck in the apartment instead of at the office. While we were at the apartment, there was this trend on TikTok called the “towel drop challenge”. I was honestly thinking that since were both cooped up in this tiny apartment that was could, ya know, get it on~
Three and a half years. I was with this boy for three and a half years without ever losing my V-card! I mean, we’d tried on multiple occasions but I just never got my cherry popped. I was told by my mom that any boy would have taken my virginity by now and not waited this long. I even asked him a year after we were together if he was possibly gay or asexual. Which wouldn't have been a problem AT ALL! I have no hate against him however he identified sexually, I just wished that he would have told me or he would have done something about it.
That fateful day, I let him know that I wanted his time and attention. He could have walked away from his computer. There were times where he’d either be on his phone with his head down while “working”, or he’d come out into the living room to play a video game for half an hour while still “logged in and working”. I was hoping to just get ten minutes of his time. I was lying in my bed, naked and waiting for him. I know he saw me too, yet he didn’t do anything. It was the end of his work work shift, and I was waiting with anticipation for him to just POUNCE on me.
He gave me a kiss on the forehead and said, “I’m going downstairs to do laundry.”
My whole entire being shattered. I was completely DEVASTATED. I always asked myself after every time we tried having sex if something was wrong with me. Was I not pretty enough? Is it because I got bigger throughout the years we were together? Was it because I was inexperienced? Was I performing wrong on him when we would do stuff? I was pretty sure I was attracted to him both physically and personality wise. So what was wrong?
I got so upset and started screaming and yelling at him while crying everything out about not only what he just did, but about everything. In the end, I just collapsed on the bed and said “I want to go home.” I was like a broken record, uttering that saying over and over again.
So, I moved out. I am still living with my parents, and honestly it was rough and still is. I became so depressed. This boy was my best and sadly only friend I ever had. I had pushed away all of the friends I used to have because of him. I tried contacting some old friends, but they had all moved on with their lives. Everyone’s getting married, engaged, having kids, having pets, graduating college. I had nothing, or at least it felt like it at the time.
No friends, no boyfriend, moved in with my parents, and no job.
That’s right. The owner of the daycare never hired me back on, along with six other staff members. Around the beginning of July, I was wondering why I hadn’t been contacted to come back to work. I was willing to travel even though I didn’t live in that city anymore because of the breakup. I was notified by a coworker that they were back to work already a month ago and she was wondering where I was! I called the daycare and never went through to anyone about why I wasn't back.
I felt so useless. A failure. Disappointment. I wanted to not exist.
I knew that I shouldn’t have had these thoughts, and it scared the shit out of me that my mind was not only thinking it-but the feeling and urge to actually follow through with it.
So, I contacted my doctor. Got some antidepressants, and am trying to get a therapist at the moment. My doctors building with their therapist are practically booked with everything going on. It’ll still be a little bit before I can talk to someone. I was told by my doctor to try to find something to do that peaks my interest. I thought of my work and you guys. I’m proud of the writing I have and can’t believe I left you guys hanging, both on request and stories. I found something I could do to lift my spirits up yet again!...
PHSYIC!
August 10th 2020, I woke up at 10 in the morning. I made a hearty breakfast and an iced coffee for the first time in FOREVER! I was pumping myself up to get on here and to start writing again! After I was done eating, the city sirens went off.
“Is there a tornado?” I asked my parents. They themselves didn’t know either because both cable and the electricity went out as soon as I asked. We all hurried downstairs with all three and a half dogs as the wind picked up and the rain became more heavy. (I said a half because M,W,F we babysit my sister's little beagle dog.)
We sat and waited for the storm to be over and we were wondering what was going on. My dad was about to get up when BOOM! The house shook and vibrated all around us.
My mom started crying hysterically, my dad tried to comfort the dogs and create a barrier for them not to go upstairs, and I just kinda sat there. It was like I wasn’t really registering what was going on. Maybe it was because I was trying to stay positive? Maybe a couple branches just smashed the siding of the house or window? Were the antidepressants not allowing me to cry and freak out? I wasn’t sure what was going on with me at the time.
The rain stopped and my parents went upstairs to check everything out while I stayed downstairs with the dogs.
“Drip!”
“Argh! What the!?” I exclaimed as I showed my flashlight on my phone to the ceiling. It was dripping from the heating and cooling vent. I saw other droplets of water along the Styrofoam tile ceiling, and followed the trail towards the small kitchen area where there was water IN the ceiling light!
“Uhhhh, guys?” I yelled to my mom and dad upstairs.
“Wait a couple minutes sweetie!” My mom responded back as I started to hear their hurried feet running around upstairs.
“We got water coming downstairs!” I hollered as I grabbed a couple of empty solo cups I had downstairs since I was living down there to start collecting the water.
“Yeah? That’s ’cause we got a hole in the house!” My dad yelled.
The big tree in the backyard that was planted from the previous owner back in the 1950’s crashed into the living room from this storm we later learned 3 days later called Derecho. We’ve been recovering for about a month now. Almost everything is back to normal.
We got power and water back 2 weeks ago from today, the internet back a week ago, and cable has been kind of wonky. We’ve been wanting nothing but the news and were able to have cable for ONE DAY. It crashed and we still don’t have cable. We’ve tried antennas but they just aren’t working in our location.
The downstairs floor is ruined. We had to rip out the carpet and the floors now have asbestos. I live upstairs now in the guest room and we’re pretty much confined to the entry way since we still have a huge hole in the living room. No comfortable seating either. We’re hoping to hear back from the insurance claim sometime this week… but there's a possibility that we might just have to move if the damage is too much.
To put the good old fashioned cherry on top, one of our dogs may no longer be with us this week. She hasn’t eaten in the past couple of days and is only drinking water. We’re taking her to the vet tomorrow to see what’s going on, or if she’s suffering too much.
Honestly… 2020 can F#@! OFF! It’s been such an awful year! But! I am ready to get back into the swing of things and get back to writing and writing for you guys again!
I was going to explain some things about my accounts and rules but I feel a tad bit drained after writing this all out, and I haven't typed on a keyboard in so long! My wrists HURT! Give me a couple of hours and I'll be back with a PSA part 2! I will be posting this to all of my accounts so no one is left out of the loop. Be back soon!
~MyEternalSin
#author update#update#psa#public service announcement#x reader#oneshots#my hero academia#mha#my hero acadamy#boku no hero x reader#my hero academia x reader#bnha#fanfiction#part 1 psa
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Complete Timeline of “Back to the Future”
The entire trilogy takes place over the course of about two weeks from Marty McFly’s perspective, two days for an outside observer in 1985. We are given specific dates and times, often minute-by-minute, so we can piece together a complete timeline with time stamps. All times are in PST (Pacific Standard).
Part 1
Friday, October 25, 1985, 8:18 AM PST: The first movie begins with shots of Doc’s clocks and his automated breakfast machine. The clocks actually say 7:53, but we soon learn they are 25 minutes slow. We are soon introduced to Marty McFly, who accidentally overloads Doc’s giant amp around 8:23 or 8:24
Friday, October 25, 1985, 8:25 AM: Doc’s clocks all strike 8:00, and Marty realizes he is late for school. The thing is, he’s wearing a watch in this scene, and moreover he must have woken up to an alarm set on his bedroom clock, so how does he NOT know what time it actually is? Moving on; cue the “Power of Love” skateboarding-behind-cars sequence. Marty and Jennifer sneak into school too late, and Mr. Strickland gives him another tardy slip and the whole “slacker” spiel. “The future’s gonna change,” Marty says.
Friday, October 25, 1985, afternoon: after school, Marty’s band, the Pinheads, audition for the big dance. A real square of a teacher tells them to stop playing because they’re just too darn loud; I did not know who Huey Lewis was when I first saw this movie, so I didn’t realize this was a celebrity cameo meant to be a joke, I just figured he was a stuffy old man who isn’t with the times. Either way, Marty is dejected, but Jennifer tells him to send in his audition tape to the record company anyway. Marty ogles a new 4x4 truck, “Save the Clock Tower!” he gets a flier, Jennifer’s dad picks her up to take her to her grandma’s house.
Friday, October 25, 1985, evening: Marty returns home to find the car totaled (there goes his date at the lake with Jennifer). We are introduced to Biff and the McFly family. One awkward family dinner and a ton of exposition later, and we learn everything we need to know about George and Lorraine’s first meeting back in 1955; Lorraine’s dad hit George with his car, and it was love at first sight.
Saturday, October 26, 1985, 12:28 AM: Doc calls Marty, tells him to swing by his lab and pick up his camera before meeting him at Twin Pines Mall at 1:15.
Saturday, October 26, 1985, 1:15 AM: Marty arrives at Twin Pines Mall just as the clock ticks over to 1:16. The next few minutes are thoroughly documented. Doc emerges from his van in a souped up Delorean DMC-12.
1:18 AM: Doc begins his spiel for the camera, giving the date, time, and location of Temporal Experiment Number 1.
1:19 AM: “Einstein’s clock is in precise synchronization with my control watch.” He remote controls the Delorean to the opposite end of the parking lot and floors it towards him and Marty.
1:20:00 AM: At exactly one-twenty and zero seconds, the world’s first Temporal Displacement occurs, Marty thinks the Delorean explodes, but it actually just made a jump into the future, “one minute into the future to be exact.” Doc had nerves of steel to test it for the first time by driving it straight at him.
1:21:00 AM: Exactly one minute later, the Delorean reappears covered in ice, a special effect that the filmmakers stop using because it became impractical to coat the car with ice every time it travels through time. Some ice is always visible, but never to this extent again.
1:22 AM: Doc opens the Delorean to discover Einstein is perfectly fine; to him, the trip was instantaneous. The experiment was a complete success! Doc prepares for his historic journey as the first human to travel through time; he plans to go forward 25 years, later amended to 30 because it’s a nice round number.
1:34 AM: Doc is shot to death by Libyan terrorists because he used the plutonium they stole to build the time machine instead of the bomb they wanted (the less we think about the implications, the better).
Saturday, October 26, 1985, 1:35 AM: Marty flees from the terrorists in the Delorean, accidentally turns on the time circuits and blasts himself back to 1955.
Saturday, November 5, 1955, 6:15 AM: Marty arrives on Peabody farm, is mistaken for an alien and shot at. He drives away, accidentally running over one of the twin pines in the process. The exact time is not shown on screen except for the 6 (the last two digits are obscured), but the DVD menu says 6:15 so I’m sticking with it. The Delorean breaks down shortly after, and he hides it behind the Lyon Estates billboard. He walks into town, “Hill Valley 2 Miles.”
Saturday. November 5, 1955, 8:29: “Mr. Sandman” sequence, Marty walks around courtyard square, dazed and confused. It took him over two hours to drive from the mall to his house and then walk 2 miles into town, so of course he’s confused. The clock tower chimes 8:30, the first time Marty’s ever heard it go off. He enters Lou’s Cafe to find Doc’s address in the phone book, and encounters a young George and Biff. George bikes away, and Marty gives chase. Shortly after, George falls out of a tree while peeping on Lorraine like a creep, and is almost hit by her dad’s car; Marty pushes him out of the way, taking his place in the timeline. He hits his head and is knocked out.
“Almost 9 hours” later (so around 6-ish PM): Marty awakens in young Lorraine’s bedroom. She has the hots for him, Florence Nightingale style. He has dinner with the Baines family soon after, though the clock behind Lorraine’s parents says it’s 8:35. He leaves after his mom grabs his thigh (ew), and goes to find Doc at his mansion before he burned it down for the insurance money (this is never stated on screen, but the implication is clear). Doc doesn’t believe he’s from the future until he recounts the story about the wet toilet and the flux capacitor (it makes sense in context). Doc deduces that Marty messed up the timeline by interfering with his parent’s first meeting, so they have to find a way to get them back together.
Monday, November 7, 1955, morning: The date is never given, but we can assume Doc and Marty wanted to scope out the school as soon as possible, so Monday it is. Marty tries to introduce George to Lorraine, but she would rather introduce herself to him (ew)
November 7, lunchtime: Marty talks to George in the cafeteria, and almost gets into a fight with Biff after he assaults Lorraine.
November 7, afternoon: George goes home after school with Marty in tow, “why are you following me?” George tells him that he’s not ready to ask Lorraine out, and that nobody on this planet can change his mind.
Tuesday, November 8, 1955, 1:23 AM: Marty dresses in his radiation suit and visits George, pretending to be “Darth Vader, an extraterrestrial from the planet Vulcan.” He threatens to melt George’s brain with more Van Halen tapes if he doesn’t ask Lorraine to the dance. Mission accomplished.
November 8, afternoon: George skipped school that day, having overslept because “Darth Vader” knocked him out with chloroform (in a deleted scene). Marty encourages him to go into Lou’s Cafe and tell Lorraine that he is her density- I mean destiny. All goes well until Biff shows up; Marty gets into a fight followed by a chase through courtyard square where he accidentally introduces the town to the concept of skateboarding. Biff crashes into a manure truck, doing $300 damage to his car. Later that day, Doc and Marty go over the plan to go Back to the Future TM (the model is so crude, it’s not even to scale or painted). Lorraine followed Marty to Doc’s house and asks him to ask her to the dance. He reluctantly accepts.
Wednesday, November 9, afternoon: Marty and George go over their plan for the dance. Marty will “take advantage” of his mom (ew), and George will come to her rescue. This date isn’t given either, but we can assume it is the next day because they were wearing different clothes and I don’t think Marty would wait more than a day to go over his plan (time is of the essence).
Saturday, November 12, 1955, 7:55 PM: Doc sets up the “weather experiment” in courtyard square, Marty writes him a letter warning him of the terrorists (he doesn’t go into detail, he just says “you will be shot by terrorists.” Doc must be very surprised at what shenanigans his future self will get into).
8:59 PM: George is at the dance, dancing like a dork, and Marty and Lorraine arrive in Doc’s car. Marty is nervous as hell because he doesn’t want to feel up his own mom, but Lorraine is down to clown (ew). She kisses him, but is grossed out because he’s like her brother or something. Biff and his stooges pull him out of the car and throw him in the Starlighters’ trunk; Biff begins assaulting Lorraine.
9:00 PM: George goes out to fake-confront Marty, only to real-confront Biff. He finally manages to stand up for himself and the woman he loves, knocking Biff out with one punch. Hooray!
9:31 PM: Doc checks four different watches to deduce that Marty is running late (they’re cutting it close). Marvin Berry sliced his hand open helping break Marty out of his trunk, so Marty takes over on guitar. Earth Angel, George and Lorraine kiss, the timeline is restored, Johnny B Goode, “your kids are gonna love it.” Marty leaves George and Lorraine on good terms and heads out to courtyard square.
9:55 PM: Doc checks three more watches, and Marty arrives just in time, having changed back into his “life preserver” vest. The plan begins to unfurl.
9:56:38 PM exactly: Doc says the lightning bolt is 7 minutes and 22 seconds away, which strikes at exactly 10:04. Doc finds the latter and rips it up.
9:58 PM: a branch falls on the wire, disconnecting it. Doc climbs the clock tower with a rope so he can pull it back up.
9:59 PM: the clock ticks at runtime 1:34:41, Doc emerges from the top of the tower and pulls up the plug.
10:00 PM: the clock ticks at runtime 1:35:30 (this minute was 49 seconds long), Marty tries to tell Doc about the terrorists, but he has to get going because time is running out.
10:01 PM: the clock ticks at runtime 1:36:09 (this one was 39 seconds), Marty drives to the end of the runway and resets the time circuits to give him 11 extra minutes to warn Doc (only 11? you’re cutting it close as is, Marty). Doc slips on the clock’s facade, almost dropping the plug.
10:02 PM: the clock ticks at runtime 1:38:00 (111 seconds), the Delorean won’t start, the alarm goes off, everything is going wrong. Marty slams his head in desperation and the engine kicks to life (Doc’s calculations were wrong; he told Marty to floor it when the alarm went off, but he started a few seconds late and still made it. If he had floored it on time, he would have been several seconds too early and hit the wire before the lightning struck).
10:03 PM: the clock ticks at runtime 1:39:50 (110 seconds), Doc plugs in one end of the wire, which unplugs the other end. Marty is almost there, so Doc ziplines down to the ground and runs over to the lamppost [note; the Delorean’s time circuits read 10:03 before the clock tower ticks over to 10:03]
Saturday, November 12, 1955, 10:04 PM: the clock ticks at runtime 1:40:38 (48 seconds). Lightning strikes the clock tower just as the Delorean hits the wire, sending Marty Back to the Future TM.
Saturday, October 26, 1985, 1:24 AM: the Delorean rematerializes in courtyard square, crashing into the movie theater, but otherwise intact. The engine gives out before Marty can head to the mall, and the terrorists drive past him. He gives chase on foot, but doesn’t make it in time. [Note: a digital clock on courtyard square says it was 1:23 when Marty arrived, ticking over to 1:24 after he emerges from the Delorean. The Delorean’s time circuits are consistently a minute ahead]
1:33 AM: Marty arrives at Lone Pine Mall just in time to see the terrorists gun Doc down. He sees himself jump into the Delorean at 1:34, and blast into the past after a short chase. The terrorists crash into a photo kiosk and the van rolls over, presumably killing them (we never see the van hit the ground, we just see it start tipping, but the camera cuts away and we never see them emerge and try to collect Doc’s body). Doc is in fact alive, having taped Marty’s latter back together and worn a bullet proof vest, the first of several in the series. Doc takes Marty home, then travels 30 years into the future, “look me up when you get there.”
Saturday, October 26, 1985, 10:28 AM: Marty’s alarm goes off, “Back in Time” by Huey Lewis plays on the radio. Marty thinks the past week was just a bad dream until he discovers new furniture and successful family members. Lorraine is no longer an alcoholic, George is an author, David works at an office instead of Burger King, and Linda is a trendy socialite. Biff has become the neutered family gopher, cleaning their cars and kowtowing to George’s commands. He gives Marty the keys to his truck, the 4x4 he was ogling earlier with Jennifer.
10:30-ish: Marty reunites with Jennifer, “you’re acting like you haven’t seen me in a week,” “I haven’t.” They kiss, at which point Doc returns from the future with a warning, “you’ve got to come back with me,” “where?” “Back to the Future TM.” Where they’re going, they don’t need roads; the Delorean flies away, roll credits.
The first movie was never intended to have sequels. It ended on a cliffhanger as a joke, “the adventures continue,” and it wasn’t until four years later that they decided to film Parts 2 and 3 back-to-back to round out the story.
In real time, Part 1 takes place over 1 day, 2 hours, 12 minutes
Friday, October 25, 1985 8:18 AM to Saturday, October 26, 1985, 10:30 AM
For Marty, it takes place over 8 days, 18 hours, 11 minutes
Friday, October 25, 1985, 8:18 AM to Saturday, October 26, 1985, 1:34 AM (17 hours, 16 minutes)
Saturday, November 5, 1955, 6:15 AM to Saturday, November 12, 1955, 10:04 PM (7 days, 15 hours, 49 minutes)
Saturday, October 26, 1985, 1:24 AM to Saturday, October 26, 1985, 10:30 AM (9 hours, 6 minutes)
Part 2:
https://somethingusefulfromflorida.tumblr.com/post/189335688766/complete-timeline-of-back-to-the-future
Part 3:
https://somethingusefulfromflorida.tumblr.com/post/189337316891/complete-timeline-of-back-to-the-future
#my stuff#back to the future#bttf#back to the future part 1#back to the future part i#delorean#delorean time machine#time machine#marty mcfly#doc brown#emmett brown#george mcfly#lorraine baines#1985#1955#timeline#movie analysis#analysis#time#space time continuum#back to the future series#back to the future franchise#to be continued#robert zemeckis#bob gale#stephen spielberg
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LGBT - CALLING AN H.R.T. CLINIC
My Transgender Journey
February was supposed to be the month I was looking forward to:
‘Call on the first, get the earliest appointment. Come prepared and prepare to live out my dream!’
However, 26 days went by and I played a cruel game of gamble. I had time to think deep about my decisions, weigh the consequences and dwell the many possibilities. I kept telling myself:
‘H.R.T. can’t switch your gender, it is DNA! All I would be doing is putting on organic prosthetic’s.’
I wanted this to go away, I wanted to forget that I ever looked at the possibility to transform my body into half-female half-male! The story of my life! On the 24th of February, I came close to dialing, but it was Saturday and I never call on Saturday to businesses. I did whatever I had to do to run away, I wasn’t confined to dwell in my thoughts and device...hell, it was snowing and that was the biggest distraction I could ever have! By the 26th of February, fate took a cruel turn as my cystic fibrosis landed my ass in the hospital and I thought to myself:
‘Nowhere to run, nowhere to hide...call the number and let’s get this over with...’
But I made up some lame excuse and by the time I had a change of heart, it was too late! They were closed!
The 27th dawned on a crummy day to match my crummy health...I was suffering...really sick! Virus is killing me, and I wish it was John Malkovich! By 1pm, I landed in bed, miserable and depressed. I took a shower and saw my body because my body failed me and made standing nearly impossible! I looked at my AA-cup breasts...a gift from odd biology and years on prednisone. I looked at my skin and thought:
‘If I was on H.R.T. these breasts would form correctly...they look like shield volcanoes of Hawaii! I might also have to shave only once a week instead every other day! How that would be nice!’
I closed my hospital room door thinking:
‘I am terrified of my parents...I can never do this at home! This is the best and worst time to do this!’
Back in bed before I kiss the floor, I take out my tablet and cellphone and find the number to Cedar River Clinics. I take a deep breath and punch in the numbers and shake my head thinking:
‘Do this and there is no turning back. Don’t do it and regret it forever! They will know my deepest secret and desires...maybe they can help me and put me on the correct path…’
Hit send, I can’t believe I am going through with the plan. I just pray no nurse walks in on my conversation! The phone cuts immediately to a receptionist and she sounds nice and helpful.
“Thank you for calling Cedar River Clinics, my name is Destiny, how may I assist you?”
“Hi Destiny, my name is David and I am calling in regard to setting up an appointment for H.R.T.” I say as I am calm and collective...last time I called I was stumbling over my words and incoherent.
“The hormone replacement therapy?” Destiny asks as she wonders if I am calling for an honest procedure or inquiry. Her voice still friendly.
“That is correct, H.R.T...” I say as Destiny goes through her files, hearing them crackle over the phone.
“Looks like the next opening is in April...” she says as she collects her thoughts. “It will be at the Tacoma office.”
My stomach does a flip flop and the words can’t come out. I am terrified! I force myself to reply. “Which day in April?” I ask as every last word is projected on breathless lips, sounding like: Which day in Apri....?
“The 12th.” she says to my joy. I have nothing on the 12th and my mom will be at work! Secrecy upheld!
“That will work!” I say, the last word barely squeaking out.
“It is at 8:30am in Tacoma...after the first appointment, you can choose your own clinic...”
“Tacoma works well!” I reply quickly, I had hoped to go to Tacoma as it was close to home and I will get to know the doctor taking care of me.
“So you want to schedule for that appointment?” she asks softly and cheerfully. I know that the next words will place me on the path.
“Yes please!” I say, matching her attitude. I swear my voice changed and my demeanor altered to something that is not me…it was a flutter!
“Okay David...” there is a pause as if she made a cardinal sin. “I am sorry, I should have asked, do you have a female name you go by?”
I choke up...I did not think this out all the way! I was not expecting this type of personal questions. What do I say? Think quickly! I am in anguish, one does not pick their name in a flash!
A name spoke to me in my female voice saying: Tell her Mira! Tell her that your name is Mira!
I love the name Mira; the word almost slipped out. It means so much to my character...it was my secret name…
(Mira is a feminine given name with varying meanings. In the Romance languages, it is related to the Latin words for ‘wonder’ and 'wonderful.’ In South Slavic languages, it means ‘peace’ and is often used as part of a longer name, such as Miroslava (masculine form: Miroslav). In Albanian language, it means ‘goodness’ or ‘kindness’. In Sanskrit, it means ‘ocean’, ‘sea’, ‘limit’ or ‘boundary’. In Hebrew, it is a derivative of Miriam or the female equivalent of Meir, meaning ‘light’.)
Mira was all of me, a daughter of wonder and peace as my soul is at peace in her form. Also meaning goodness and kindness which is a testimony to my charity and civil service. And lastly, the one from the sea...another one of my deep ocean secrets.
I hesitate as I stop myself and I am sure now that Destiny thinks I am a fraud! “Just David at this time, I am still deciding on the name aspect.” my brutal honesty coming out. “Any other name would be dangerous in this hostile society...” as my brain says:
‘Shut up, you already made yourself sound like a fool!’
“It is totally understandable David, do you prefer going by sir?” she asks.
I can hear Admiral Gial Ackbar yelling ‘It’s a Trap!’ in my head. That is exactly what it was, a trap to assess my commitment to the therapy. “Just sir please.” my animus chimes in and I hate myself. I am neither, but I’ve never vocally told anyone that before. “For the time being…”
“Okay David,” her tone changed, not angry, just unsure of my call. Most who call either are in transition or know what they want to become, “Typically transgender individuals change their name for legal reasons like new licenses and bank records...” she rambles on as it goes over my head.
‘Oh! You screwed up big time!’ my brain mocks me. It takes in delight knowing it was right. I can’t believe Destiny is still on the line with me. I must sound really new at this and she probably wonders why now? “Okay David, I just need an address...” and I chime off my home code.
When it comes to saying my town, she laughs as the name is rather musical, like a gay French ‘la-la’. I sigh a breath of relief as I feel I am recovering from probably the easiest question to answer...your female name! “And a phone number.” she asks and I give my cell...best to have no one calling home, that would be suicide!
Coming to the end, my nerves are a wreck! “For your patient records, please provide us a pin...”
“How long?” I ask.
“As long as you want it...” she says kindly.
“Letters or numbers?” I ask.
“Anything you want...” she say, annoyed, but being polite!
“Okay, my pin is four numbers, 1…9…8…0” I say, easy to remember.
“Wonderful, now onto the appointment. We ask that you fast for 10 hours prior to your appointment” being 11:30pm on the 11th...perfect time! “And drink plenty of water! But no coffee.”
“Copy that!” I confirm.
“That will give your body time to regulate your hormone levels for the appointment...” I gulp, that means that needles will be involved! “It is important that you don’t eat for ten hours!” she emphasizes again, meaning that this rule has been broken hundreds of times before! Luckily for me, EPI would make eating before travel...messy! “I am going to transfer you over to billing, thank you for calling David and we look forward to seeing you on the 12th.”
“Thank you Destiny.” I reply as the line clicks and a minute passes and the line is answered. I gulp, this is what I truly fear...the price!
“Is this David I am talking to?” the woman asks. Her vocal tones annoy me...she paints a vivid image of Roz from Monsters Inc.!
“This is David.” I confirm, praying it isn’t over 500.00 dollars...I can’t afford that. I also don’t want my insurance in deep with them. It is odd how diagnosis’s end up in the strangest places. For example, I went to the Kitsap Mental Health clinic trying to find a way to cut my student debt by declaring myself autistic, which I am, and somehow that ended up at St. Anthony Hospital on my records!
“Hello...David.” she says, failing to give me her name. I pictures her saying: ‘Hello...boys’, so Roz It is! “The quoted cost for the appointment is 270.00 dollars, unless you have insurance.”
“I have Medicare-Medicaid...” I say as I give my Provider One number.
“How odd...” she growls in her slug tongue. “I don’t see Medicaid only Medicare and we don’t take that here!”
I won’t be deterrent, “I’ll pay the fee.” I say. My thoughts are:
270.00 for clinic and labs. A follow up appointment to read results will be an additional 170.00 and hopefully they can run my scripts through Medicare at a pharmacy of my choosing. Hell, if I can pick them up there, better! Cut out the middle man!
But if I pick up my meds at clinic, first, all TG patients can only go on Thursdays for privacy and second, I will be held accountable...no turning back...they expect me to go through a full transformation!
#gender nonconforming#transgender#gender bender#gender transformation#gender#transfiormation#transformation#trans#mtf hrt#mtf#tf#lgbtq#lgbtqa#lgbtpride#lgbtq community#lgbt#hormonereplacement#sex reassignment surgery#hormone replacement therapy#hormone replacement treatment#replacement#dysphoric#hormone#cedarriverclinics#cedar river clinics#tacoma#washington#non-conforming#nonconforming#coming out
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Writer’s Block, Fanfics, and LiS
Well. After a Browser shortcut decided to send me to a new window and eat an entire post, here I am at attempt number two to look at a rough draft for a Life is Strange fanfic I'd been procrastinating on for far too long. The last update had ended right with Max knocking on the door to the apartment where the Caulfields live (I’ll go into detail on that in a moment).
I blinked and gave Max a startled look as she knocked. "Dude, you live here. Don't you have a key?"
Max glanced up at me, her face coloring, as she started fumbling at her pocket. "Sorry, I forgot! With everything we--" she started to stammer. Her mouth snapped shut and she turned back toward the door as we heard a bolt thrown open and a man shout on the other side of the door."
"--Max!" this bearded bear of a man shouted over his shoulder and then lunged out of the door to smother my girlfriend. She barely had time to give out a startled eep. A smirk threatened to break through my facade as I watched. I guess Mr. Caulfield had lightened up some since I'd last seen him. He'd always been reserved before, and I don't recall ever seeing him hug his daughter in front of me. For that matter, it'd always been dull when I'd go visit Max. She had no computer games, only a few toys, and everything had to be in its place.
Hell, most of the time she'd come to my place because we could play and be kids. Joyce never minded our messes... the smile fled my lips. Mom. Hell, the house is far more fucked up after the Storm than anything Max and I ever could do, not even the time we dug up the back yard looking for our time capsule.
"Chloe? Chloe Price, is that you?" I heard and looked up from my feet to see Max's mom standing in the doorway. Her eyes were red and puffy, with dark shadows under them. I swallowed and tried to pull myself together. I could see Max wiggling in her father's arms and realized all at once I really had to pee... and Max was probably worse.
"Hey there Missus C. It's been a while... um, not to be rude but it was a long drive and we really need to use the bathroom!"
"Oh! Of course! And please, call me Vanessa," she responded. Man, she has mellowed out. She used to insist I call her Mrs. Caulfield and now she's letting me call her Vanessa? I blinked in surprise while she stepped up to her husband and gently smacked his arm. "Let our daughter breath, Ryan, before she wets herself. I'll have you clean it up."
Okay. First... their apartment. I know most folk like to think that Max lived in a nice house in the suburbs of Seattle and lived comfortably. I've gone on at length about how this isn't the case. We've had evidence from multiple sources that Max is in fact from a lower-middle class family, and most likely lives in an apartment in one of the less wealthy parts of the city. For instance, Max wears clothes she picked up from a thrift shop. I know some folk like to think this is all "hipster" and the like but... given how important Max's scholarship is (to the point she considers rewinding and telling David the pot belongs to Chloe even if she watched him smack her previously because he threatens her scholarship outright) (yes, another strike against this child-abusing piece of shit... I swear the longer I think about him the more I hate David Madsen) this really suggests money is tight for her parents.
Hell, look at Max's camera. It's an old beaten-up camera that is in fragile enough condition that a drop to the ground breaks it. Kodak Instant Cameras are sturdy and made of thick plastic. The only way that either being knocked to the ground or Max later landing on the camera and crushing it could break it is if the camera had previously been broken and Max had fixed it - and given that Max knew how to fix the camera, that seems likely to be the case. (Given the expense of Instant film, Max probably used all of her money from allowances or part-time jobs to pay for film. I've mentioned that the Photo Wall is over a hundred dollars worth of pictures.)
Anyway, I ran into a quick problem when I was first writing this... and realized that Max would have a key to her parents' apartment. I considered the possibility Max left her keys behind seeing she'd not be home, but decided it was simpler to just have Max forget she had them. Hey, we all do that at times, and Max has a lot on her mind (and bladder).
As for the writer's block... well, this story has been paused since before Farewell. I must admit I actually held off on writing it because I was hoping we'd get to meet Ryan and Vanessa during Farewell - but while we saw them briefly during the funeral, there were no lines and what we did get left a bad taste in my mouth. That said, it's closer to canon than BtS has proven to be, and did remain true to continuity.
Max and Chloe talk to me. I know, it undoubtedly sounds strange to say that... but it's how I write. The characters become a part of me and they let me know what they're going to do and what they want to do. I've had characters insist "I want to do this instead" and often I'll let them. They know the story better than I do. But Ryan and Vanessa don't talk to me. They don't exist to me outside of some text messages and so I'm left aimless and with no idea of where the story would go once Max and Chloe reach Max's folks.
That's the crux of the writer's block. Well, that, anxiety, procrastination... you know, the usual for writers. But another problem is that I tend to write first drafts and edit as I go. My first drafts are closer to final drafts than what first drafts should be. And that can be problematic. You see, the way to get through Writer's Block is to write. Anything. Everything. Just "vomit words onto the page" and then use editing to pick out the gems. And that's what I ended up doing tonight.
This scene doesn't work. I'm realizing this as I go along. To be honest, I did just now come up with this bizarre amused thought - of Max and Chloe getting to the apartment and then finding there is no one home because Ryan and Vanessa got in their car (assuming they still have one - not all city folk do, and I had considered them selling the car as the extra cost of insurance and the like might be too much for them) and drove to Arcadia Bay to find their daughter.
Maybe I'll go with that. It's cheating, I know. It's a little bit amusing too. And the idea calls out to me more than trying to deal with the Caulfields and getting their character wrong. Sadly, I still eventually need to figure them out, seeing that "Life is Strange: A New Year" does involve them at some point. But I'll burn that bridge before I reach it, I'm sure.
#lis#life is strange#on writing#fanficcing#max caulfield#chloe price#vanessa caulfield#ryan caulfield#joyce price#my posts
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Dad Letter 092720
7 September, 2020
Dear Dad--
Well, another uneventful week has passed! It feels like a lot has happened, possibly because so much is happening across the country. Personally, I still don’t feel like I’m accomplishing much while I’m waiting out the plague at home, but I did do a few important things!
I got the results of my Covid test: negative. Huzzah!
I had reason to believe that my testosterone might be low, so when I saw my doctor for that recent blood work, I asked if he could test my testosterone level. We talked about it, and he found my request to be of sound reasoning, and okayed the test, and called a few days later to tell me, yep, my shits is low. It was actually his nurse who called, and to my eternal frustration, I didn’t ask how low. I guess I figured if she knew a specific number she’d have given it to me. I’ve since realized that was a foolish assumption, since there are lots of reasons why she might say “low” instead of giving me an exact number. She may want the doctor to have that conversation, e.g.
Anyway, my testosterone level is low. This seems capable of affecting pretty much everything, including some rather important stuff like mood, sexual function, and general quality of life. There is some hope that I’m going to start taking hormones and turn into the Brawny paper towel lumberjack guy. I predict the odds of this happening are low. But!
I’m trying to view this as revelatory, a good thing. Based on everything that can go wrong when your hormones are fucked up, if getting them unfucked improves any of those problems, I’m in for a potential huge improvement to my quality of life. I’m trying to focus on that part of this whole endeavor, and not the other part I can’t seem to let go of, which is, “How come I had to figure this shit out myself? Given that testosterone starts decreasing when you’re 40, and I’m now 51, why weren’t we checking me for this already? With all the things that it can affect? With all the improvement that can be enjoyed with treatment? How come this all had to be my idea?”
But no matter. This is the doctor who figured out that putting me back on the Mirtazapine could stop the morning vomiting (This will be forever known as The Letter About Your Son’s Fluids.) so I’m keen to cut him some slack. He will now refer me to an endocrinologist, who will, I assume, determine cause and proper course of treatment. Once that’s done, my doctor will take over managing the treatment, whatever that may be. It’s stupid, but I’m getting better health care as an unemployed person in Maine than I ever did in Texas. I had health insurance through my job in Austin, but the deductibles were sufficiently high that I was unable to make use of it. I will, of course, let you know how this unfolds.
I’m going to try cooking something I’ve never made before today: pot roast. I never liked Mom’s pot roast, in fact I hated it, but I think that was because I didn’t understand that meat and potatoes can look like a burger and fries--you know, the way God intended--but it can also look like pot roast, and they can both taste good, even if the texture and appearance are completely different. And I’ve watched Zach make a pot roast or two. I was about as enthusiastic about them as I was Mom’s, but I believe I’ve figured out what I need to do. I need to cook the shit myself. I’ve read up, I’ve watched youtube videos, and I’m ready. Here’s what I’m going to do. Tell me if any of this sounds like it will result in either (a) a good pot roast, or (b) deadliest poison.
Zach went to the store and got a big hunk of cow to serve as the meat. The piece of meat he wanted to get was going to be a bit bigger, until he saw the price tag, which was north of $30, so he had to get something a bit more modest. No worries; it’s still a 2.3 pound hunk of beef; it’ll work. I’m going to pat it dry with paper towels. I’m going to salt and pepper the shit out of it. I’m going to dredge it in flour, and I’m going to sear it in a hot skillet with some olive oil until all the sides are browned, and the pan is coated in BCBs (brown crunch bits). I shall then set the meat into our big slow cooker. The flour isn’t technically needed, but some recipes do this, because it ultimately thickens the broth, turning it into gravy.
Then I will take the pan I just seared the meat in, and add some butter, and cook the veggies for a few minutes. Lots of carrots and onion. No celery, because FUCK CELERY. I hate celery. Like the Zulus were to the Boers, celery is the enemy of my blood. Stacy feels the same way. (Seriously. Celery is garbage. It’s nothing more than a method of delivering refrigerated, crunchy water to your home.) Then, and this step is important, I add some beef stock, and some red wine, maybe a bit of water. This creates the broth in which everything will simmer for hours, but another point is to get the little burned bits off the bottom of the pan and into the food, because therein lies a ton of good flavor. (So say the cooking shows. In case you didn’t know, those little burned brown crunchy bits have a name; they’re called fond, pronounced Frenchly, like fohn.) Bring that shit to a boil, then pour it over the meat in the slow cooker. Add the cut-up potatoes.
Then, and this will be the hard part, I have to walk away from it for a few hours. The recipes I’ve reviewed say to cook it from 3 to 10 hours, so...I have no idea how long I’m going to cook mine, but I’m guessing it’ll be food after 3 hours, and will continue to thicken and the flavors to intensify the more I let it sit there.
I don’t think I’m going to go to all this effort, and produce a pot roast that tastes like shit, but again, I’ve never done this before, and I do not know what to expect. I don’t cook a lot of stuff that has rosemary and thyme in it. (If I add parsley, I’m ¾ of the way to a Simon and Garfunkel song.) I predict it will be somewhere between “edible” and “fucking delicious.” I’ll take pics and let you know how it turns out!
More next week. Enjoy the weekend! All my love to you both!
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A Gray Day
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It took all the self-constraint Alanna had to not tap her foot anxiously as she sat by herself on a bench at the Blackwheel Bus Station. She glanced across the street to see a city bus pull up at one of the stops. Was that the one he'd get off of?
She'd received a text from Franz earlier that afternoon. They'd text often to keep in touch but there seemed to be something insistent in the last:
Franzster: I need to tell you something. Meet me at BWB.
Because it was a text, she wasn’t able to read the tone that well. She didn't know if it was something serious...well Franz was usually serious but the caliber of seriousness she couldn't discern. He did, after all, sort of bail rather quickly the week before when he was helping her study for her midterm and never filled her in on the reason. He also left shortly after his confrontation with Reggie, which still shocked her when she replayed the scene in her head. She'd never seen Franz so...forceful before. He always seemed like the most patient, the most gentle, most thoughtful person to her and that's why he was her best friend.
People piled off of the bus she was staring at but she failed to see the tall, muscular, blond-haired man in the crowd.
Her imagination went through a whole list of possibilities of what he had to tell her. Maybe he had finally forgiven Reggie for whatever had happened between them. Maybe he was serious about a new book? Or he'd invented a new flavor of crepe? He really liked making crepes. Her favorite so far was the 'Nanner in a Haze' which he had her try that consisted of hazelnut spread, bananas, and whipped cream. Her tummy gave a rumble, reminding her that she'd forgotten to eat lunch.
"Wrong bus," she heard a deep voice from behind her. She gave a startled noise and spun around in her seat to see Franz leaning against the pillar that supported the shelter above the benches. His arms were crossed and he must have come straight from class since he still had his shoulder bag with him. He had a slight grin on too, probably amused he had given her a scare. He'd always been good at unintentionally sneaking up on people.
He must have gotten off one of the buses in the Blackwheel station loop in the opposite direction.
"Hey," Alanna greeted, putting on her warmest smile. She hated that she hadn't had as much time this semester to spend with him. Franz never admitted he got lonely but she could tell he needed a social boost.
"Thanks for meeting me," he nodded, his grin fading into the usual indifference. Alanna had noticed more and more over the past few years that Franz's indifference was a façade. He felt as much as anyone else but had excellent control and conscientiousness of his expressions—the outside world was rarely invited to know what his real feelings were.
"No problem. Class let out early... though..." She bit her lip and gave an apologetic smile, "Can we go get a bite to eat? I accidentally skipped lunch again."
He nodded, "The Delicatessen?"
"You read my mind!" She laughed and led them across the road to board the bus she had been watching before. It was picking up a new set of passengers to take down to the King's Station district.
"Looks like it's going to rain," she noted before boarding the bus, referring to the clouds that had rolled over the city and were turning dark.
"It's been gray all day," she heard Franz agree from in front of her as he climbed the few steps and sat in one of the empty front seats. She sat next to him, still wondering what he needed to talk to her about. Instead of bringing it up, he was looking out the window at the darkening sky, and the tiniest of worry was creasing his face in the reflecftion. That's when she knew that whatever he needed to talk to her about wasn't going to be a good thing, so she sat quietly and tried to enjoy this peaceful moment with him before the figurative and literal storm happened.
Alanna's tummy was starting to full on growl as they walked into the Scandalica Delicatessen. It was a local eatery that had good sandwiches and burgers. Franz had been quiet the whole ride there, which was usual for him but the vibe around him was very unusual.
She maneuvered herself in front of him to halt his advance to pick a table, "Franz, what's wrong?"
He looked mildly surprised at her for her insistent tone. Alanna wasn't one to press matters and allowed Franz time to think before speaking as he usually did.
He shifted his weight and the strap of his shoulder bag, then quietly asked, "What do you know about VBTs?"
Oh.
Oh no.
Alanna took s step backward and sat upon one of the chairs at the food counter. She held her hand up to her face, trying to hide her sudden look of devastation. Franz quickly stepped forward, realizing what she was thinking and made to correct it.
"It's not me, it's my Mom."
That was a relief! For a moment there she thought Franz had...but no, it still was awful that his mother...she had always been so inviting toward Alanna.
Alanna glanced up at him and saw that he was just as devastated. She didn't know if it was so much that he couldn't hide it anymore or if he was allowing her to see just how much it affected him. Either way, she reached out and gave his hand a squeeze, "I'm so sorry Franz."
"Is there hope?"
She inhaled, not wanting to get his hopes up but at the same time she needed to give him something to smile about—a VBT was survivable if detected early and treated, and it also depended on where it was located.
"How about we get a table and order something and then we can talk more about it?" she suggested. Or rather, deflected.
He nodded.
They sat down and declined a menu since they'd both been there many times and knew what they wanted. Alanna ordered a hamburger and Franz went with something lighter since he had eaten lunch already.
"The other thing I was going to tell you," Franz said but his tone made it seem like he still rather not tell her, "Is that since treatment is expensive, Mom is planning on selling the bakery."
It broke Alanna's heart that this was happening to him. There had to be something she could do to help.
"Has she signed anything yet?"
Franz shrugged, indicating he didn't know.
"Well, what if we could raise money for your mother's treatment instead?"
"That's going to be a lot to raise, and I have thought about it. I just don't know where to start."
"We could always have a bake sale!" She suggested jubilantly.
He stared at her, as though he hadn't considered that idea before.
"I could sell scones for 10 simoleons a pop I guess....and I'd have to make and sell..." He mused and calculated, "fifteen-hundred of them before it would cover the cost of treatment."
At first, his tone was flat and serious but then she realized he was being sarcastic.
"Plumbbobs, I didn't realize treatments was so expensive," Alanna gasped and then frowned, "Kashmire's health insurance system is ridiculous. I'd wish we'd have one more like the Takemizu region where it's covered by the government."
"If Calhoun wins the election, maybe that'll happen in time, but it's not enough for the time being. We're going to have to pay the difference out-of-pocket."
"Fifteen Thousand Simoleons..." Alanna shook her head at the ridiculously high number. They were going to have to have quite a lot of bake sales.
"So when do you want to have the bake sale? When can we bake?"
"That's happening?" He arched an eyebrow.
"It's better than doing nothing," she raised her brows insistently in reply.
He thought about her answer and then slowly nodded, "Okay I have some time available to bake tomorrow morning before class. Will that work?"
She began to nod but then stopped herself, "Oh darn it, no. I almost forgot Thursday is out. I promised Reggie a cup of coffee before class."
Franz immediately narrowed his eyes and his lips pressed together tightly.
Their food arrived then and Alanna quickly started to consume her hamburger, to avoid having to explain herself further and also because she was famished.She didn't understand why Franz disliked Reggie so much. They had been friends once. What had changed?
She set her burger down to take a breath after nearly inhaling half of it. She looked at Franz's salad, thinking of what she could say to change the subject back to what really mattered. Then a thought struck her. Was Franz jealous of Reggie spending time with her? He'd always made it crystal clear that he didn't have any feelings more than friendship toward her, but why did he seem so...protective when it concerned her and Reggie?
"How about we have it on Saturday? It's fall break–we could set up a bake sale outside of the coffee shop. I can talk to the owner about it."
Franz considered her suggestion then gave a slow nod before eating more of his salad. All that was left was to figure out when they could bake and what they would make.
She smiled, at least now they had a start of a plan and could do something to help his mother and the bakery. They finished eating without much more chatting. She knew Franz was comfortable with silence, and she understood it but it still felt odd between them. He'd still made no spoken opinion on the fact she was going to hang out with Reggie again, but despite his silence, and despite his utter mask of indifferenceshe knew he still disapproved.
As they exited the Delicatessen, raindrops began to fall onto their heads. Alanna held out her hands and looked skyward, "It decided to rain after all."
She looked over her shoulder to see that Franz was also staring up at the sky and his messy blonde hair was starting to stick to his brows. He looked lost in thought. She took off her backpack and found an expandable umbrella she always kept in there in case of times like these.
"Here, you hold it since you're taller," she nudged him with it. He took it and opened it above their heads. Suddenly the raindrops were making pelting noises on the plastic canvas.
Plip.Plop.Plip.Plop.
"Don’t you need to go back to the station?" He asked. He supposed she had to get back to studying.
She bit her lip feeling a bit ashamed and shook her head, "I'm sorry I haven't had as much time to spend with you as I used to."
"You're busy. I understand," he replied and moved forward and she had to as well to stay under the umbrella.
"I don't have to study tonight, though. I can do it tomorrow," she said with a smile, "So we can hang out—maybe plan what to bake and—"
"I can't," he cut her off sharply.
She gave him a surprised stare, waiting for an explanation.
"I have to close the bakery since Mom is feeling...you know, sick."
"Oh. Okay," she looked away, hiding her disappointment, "Yeah, of course, you have to help her."
He suddenly took her wrist and placed the handle of the umbrella into her hand while ducking out into the rain, paying no mind to how wet he was going to get, "I have to head back."
"But Franz..."
"It was good to see you," he said and turned around, walking in the opposite direction with his hands in his pockets—toward the nearest bus stop, "I'll call you later and let you know what my schedule looks like so we can bake."
Alanna stood in the middle of the sidewalk while puddles formed around her feet, watching as his figure—a slumped set of shoulders—became smaller and smaller before he turned down the street and disappeared. She was sure he wasn't giving her the brush-off, but she couldn't help but to feel like she had failed some sort of test. She realized then, she never really answered his question.
Plip.Plop.Plip.Plop.
Was there any hope for his mother? Franz never seemed to have hope so this whole situation was probably hitting him hard. Alanna couldn't be sure if there was hope but had to have some, for his sake.
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5 Must-Have Elements of Every Small Business Landing Page
5 Must-Have Elements of Every Small Business Landing Page written by John Jantsch read more at Duct Tape Marketing
Landing pages are a must for your website. Whether you create an online product ad, have an event coming up, want to tell people about your latest book, or otherwise have a special offer to promote, landing pages need to be part of your marketing.
Rather than directing your audience to your homepage and asking them to dig around for the content they want, landing pages help direct viewers to the messaging that’s most relevant to them. If they clicked on an ad touting your same-day service, you can direct them to a landing page that features your online booking system. If you created a Facebook post about your upcoming conference, you should link out to your landing page featuring information about speakers and schedule, and with a call to action to purchase tickets.
Landing pages are a critical part of the sales process to support any ad or attempt to drive traffic. And all great landing pages share these five features.
1. A Promise To Solve a Problem
Viewers click on your search ad or social media post because something in the copy resonates with them. They saw that you understand the problem they’re looking to solve, and they want to learn more. The landing page that you drive them to needs to open with a promise to solve that problem.
A great landing page has a main headline, a supporting sub-headline, and a proof statement. Let’s take a look at this landing page for Social Media Examiner’s Social Media Marketing World Conference.
Anyone who runs social media for a business knows that the landscape is constantly shifting. Best practices change on a dime. Staying on top of the latest trends is critical if you want to get noticed, and that’s the very problem that the Social Media Marketing World Conference is solving.
They start with the headline: “Discover the best social media marketing strategies from the world’s top experts.” This tells readers that by attending, they’ll have access to high-caliber guests and will be getting top-notch advice to help with their social efforts.
The sub-head states, “You’ll discover the latest tactics and master social media in 2020.” This builds confidence that the people speaking at the conference are on the cutting edge—if you attend, you won’t be hearing about things that worked in the past. Instead, you’ll have access to the hottest knowledge that will vault you ahead of your competition this year.
Next up is their proof statement: “Join thousands of fellow marketers and influencers at the mega-conference designed to empower you with business-building ideas.” This is a conference that’s been around for years and is trusted by tons of other industry professionals. They keep coming back year after year because the conference delivers for them, so what’s stopping you from signing up?
Unsurprisingly, the folks running this marketing conference have a great handle on how to create a strong landing page. But no matter what field you’re in, you can do the same for your business by focusing on those three key elements: headline, sub-head, proof statement.
2. The Hero Element
Once you’ve captured people’s attention with a header that promises to solve their problem, you want to draw them in further. That’s where the hero element comes in. This is typically a visual component—either still image or video—that provides context for your audience. It helps them understand how your service or product will change their lives for the better.
The hero metaphor is two-fold. You want to establish yourself as their hero, someone who’s capable of coming in and solving their problem. But sometimes the hero image is actually of them; it’s a look at how, once their problem is solved, they can go on to do bigger and better things for themselves and those around them.
Check out this hero image for TruGreen’s landing page for their lawn pest protection services.
The image shows a mom and daughter playing on their lush, healthy lawn. And while TruGreen isn’t literally in the picture, the beautiful grass represents their hard work. They strove to keep pests at bay and made this backyard a place for quality family time. This mom isn’t stuck wasting time trying to fix her lawn herself. Instead, TruGreen has taken care of that for her, and she’s able to enjoy being a parent.
3. List of Benefits
By now, you’ve drawn your audience in with a bold opening statement and compelling visual. Next up, you want to provide a specific summary of the benefits they’ll get from taking advantage of your headline offer. This is your opportunity to list benefits and features in detail.
Take this example from Rite Plumbing and Heating, which is the landing page you come to after searching “same day plumber near me” on Google.
Their list of benefits goes into detail and addresses many of the concerns a prospect might have. Their plumbers are available immediately and around the clock. You know what you’ll pay before you book, so you don’t have to worry about surprise charges on your final bill. Their team is licensed and insured, so you can rest easy letting them into your home. And they’re not looking for the quick and easy solution. Instead, they search for the underlying cause and fix that so you don’t need an emergency plumber again in a few weeks’ time!
By providing this level of detail up front, you eliminate any hesitation a prospect might have. And by keeping all of this information on the same landing page, you prevent your audience from having to dig through your website for a separate FAQ page. You’ve given them all of the information they need right here, right now to make their decision.
4. Social Proof
Even with all of that information from you, sometimes prospects want one final layer of reassurance. Of course you think your business is great, but do your existing customers agree?
You could leave your prospect to search for you on Yelp or Google My Business, but that invites them to leave your landing page and opens up the possibility that they might discover one of your competitors and drift over to them. Instead, provide social proof directly on your landing page to keep your audience right where you want them.
Take a look at what I’ve done on the landing page for my latest book, The Self-Reliant Entrepreneur.
I’ve collected quotes from other well-respected and recognizable authors and thought leaders who had nice things to say about my book. For someone who may be on the fence about purchasing the book, these quotes give them a greater sense of what the work is about and provide external proof of its value. It’s no longer just me saying nice things about my own book; others who are in-the-know think it’s useful, too.
Social proof on your landing page can come in a number of forms. It can be quotes or testimonials, like in this example. You can also include likes and shares that are linked up with your social media pages. Or you can show starred ratings that come from external local listings sites like Yelp or Google My Business.
Basically, anything that shows that other people have given your product or service a try and have left happy customers is of value in the social proof stage.
5. One Call to Action
You’ve given it all you’ve got. You drew readers in with a killer headline. Then you created an image that shows how great life could be with your product or service. You gave your audience the inside scoop on exactly what they can expect if they make the purchase. And you’ve proven that other people like what you do.
Now it’s time to go in with the call to action. It’s important that you only create one call to action per landing page. Having multiple buttons and forms asking your audience to do different things is very confusing. And it can scare people off from taking your desired action.
Instead, create one button or a basic form. The appropriate call to action will depend on what you’re asking someone to do. If you’re asking them to do something very simple, like ordering a book, a button can suffice. If you’re offering a free quote or to schedule an appointment, a short form might be the right fit.
There you have it! Those are the five elements every small business landing page must have to be successful. For a look at all of the elements coming together on one page, check out this wireframe:
By following this simple formula for creating landing pages, you can ensure that every ad campaign gets the highest conversion rates possible. A clean, clear landing page that addresses any questions or issues a prospect might have is the way to convince readers to take the desired action.
from http://bit.ly/2UlWrrP
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What are the very cheapest car insurance companies in Memphis, TN?
What are the very cheapest car insurance companies in Memphis, TN?
What are the very cheapest car insurance companies in Memphis, TN?
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For as long as she could remember, Tatum Hosea made the same birthday wish: “I just wanted to be skinny,” she said.
She tried a series of workout plans and diets, developing bulimia in a bid to achieve her goal. Still, the thinness Hosea desired eluded her, and her weight ultimately crept up to more than 300 pounds. She decided last year that a medical intervention would be the only way to win her lifelong weight loss battle. Friends and family members had tried bariatric surgery, and she decided to look into the procedure as well.
“I definitely needed help,” Hosea said. “I would never be satisfied after eating. I would just binge all day long.”
So the stay-at-home mom from Salt Lake City attended a seminar on weight loss surgery presented by a local doctor. When Hosea contacted her insurance company, however, she discovered that bariatric surgery wasn’t covered. Since weight loss surgery without coverage can cost more than $20,000 in the United States, Hosea decided to make other arrangements. She would have the surgery; she would simply travel to Mexico to do so.
The 28-year-old is part of a growing trend. Although the exact number of Americans who leave the US for health care is unknown, medical tourism is rising in popularity. The research paper “Medical Tourists: Incoming and Outgoing,” published in the American Journal of Medicine in July, estimated that 1.4 million Americans sought health care in foreign countries in 2017 and predicted that number will rise by 25 percent this year. Along with dentistry, cosmetic surgery, cardiac treatment, and IVF, weight loss surgery is one of the top reasons Americans partake in medical tourism. And Mexico is one of the most popular destinations for such trips.
Medical tourism is on the rise for complex reasons. It’s not a phenomenon sparked solely by the uninsured, since many insured Americans cross the border for health care too. Like Hosea, they may be underinsured, leaving them with few options for costly medical treatment other than traveling abroad. This move can shave off as much as 40 to 80 percent from the cost of care.
Many medical professionals, though, have concerns about the risks of medical tourism. Hospitals outside the US may have different standards of care, and patients who develop complications risk having to pay hundreds of thousands of dollars for corrective procedures upon returning to the States.
Some physicians find it objectionable that obese patients end up in this predicament at all. Insurance companies and employers, they say, should cover surgery for obese patients just as they cover cardiac surgery for patients with heart disease or lung cancer treatment for smokers. Denying overweight people a wide range of medical options blames them for their health problems, amounting to a covert form of fat shaming.
Bariatric surgery refers to a variety of medical procedures, including gastric bypass, sleeve gastrectomy, adjustable gastric band, and biliopancreatic diversion with duodenal switch. While performed differently, all of these procedures help patients lose weight by limiting how much food the stomach can hold as well as the patient’s absorption of nutrients. Bariatric procedures may also affect hormones related to hunger, leading to reduced appetite and improved satiety after eating.
Hosea opted for the gastric sleeve, a procedure that eliminates approximately 80 percent of the stomach. In the end, the organ resembles a tube-like pouch, making it difficult to overeat. This irreversible surgery may lead to long-term nutritional deficiencies, but Hosea felt comfortable with it because both friends and family had it done without a hitch.
In August 2017, Hosea traveled from her home in Salt Lake City to the Mexico Bariatric Center in Tijuana for the gastric sleeve operation. But she wasn’t alone; her father, who also struggled with his weight, decided to have the surgery as well. Hosea pointed out that she’s Polynesian, an ethnic group that is vulnerable to obesity. Native Hawaiians and Pacific Islanders are three times more likely to be obese than Asian Americans generally, and 20 percent more likely to be obese than whites.
“My dad was prediabetic,” Hosea said. “I was not, but I hated how I felt. I couldn’t run around after my kids. It was really rough.”
Hosea didn’t set foot in the Mexico Bariatric Center until the day before her surgery, but she and her father had already agreed to walk away if either felt uneasy. Instead, she found the staff, most of whom spoke some English, to be caring and comforting, she said. She recalls the anesthesiologist asking her to count backward from 20, and before she knew it, she was in the recovery room awakening from the procedure.
Hosea estimates that she saved $9,000 by having the operation in Tijuana instead of stateside. An American doctor gave her a quote of roughly $14,000 for the procedure, while she paid just $5,000 for the sleeve gastrectomy in Mexico.
“It was the best decision I ever made,” Hosea said. “I’ll just come out straight and say I have no shame in what I did. I’m glad I did it. Some people are secretive about it. I’m just grateful that it helped me.”
Today, Hosea has lost nearly 90 pounds and about five dress sizes. She said she’s had no complications from having surgery abroad, nor has her father, Jason Porter.
Like Hosea, Porter chose to have weight loss surgery in Mexico because his medical insurance didn’t cover the procedure. He was approaching 300 pounds before the operation and weighs about 220 now, he said. At 6-foot-2, that still makes him about 25 pounds overweight, but he’s no longer in the obese category. He said shedding pounds has enabled him to participate in athletic activities, like golf, that he used to enjoy but found too difficult to play after putting on weight. The 53-year-old also had health problems, such as high cholesterol, hypertension, and borderline diabetes. These conditions have all improved or reversed since his gastric sleeve operation, he said.
The surgery has also changed Porter’s eating habits. Junk food is out, and overeating now causes physical discomfort. Because his stomach is now shaped roughly like a banana, he takes care to eat nutrient-dense foods like fruits, vegetables, and proteins to meet his dietary needs.
Despite these transformative results, Porter said he’s subjected to shaming from people who believe his operation was the easy way out of morbid obesity.
“When we talk about gastric sleeve surgery, people think, ‘So that’s how you did it. You all cheated. You didn’t lose weight on your own,’” Porter said. “I don’t care if I cheated. It’s about the outcome, not about the process.”
Although he had some apprehension about having his procedure in Mexico, Porter was mostly comfortable with the decision because he speaks Spanish, having lived in Latin America as a child. Speaking the language fluently meant that he could communicate with the medical staff and overhear if they discussed anything untoward. Porter said he also felt at ease at the medical center because he knew that health care facilities in countries like Mexico might look different from similar facilities in the US.
“Some Americans would see what looks like a small apartment complex in a not-upscale neighborhood,” he said. “That would have been alarming to a lot of people.”
But having been in such facilities as a child, Porter felt comfortable. The sight of a smiling American leaving the medical center just as he and his daughter arrived also put him at ease.
Still, “I was prepared to leave if anything wasn’t good,” he said. “I was prepared to just take off.”
Following one’s instincts while in a foreign country for medical treatment can be lifesaving, according to Josef Woodman, the CEO of Patients Beyond Borders, which provides information to consumers about international health care travel. He encourages patients considering going abroad for health care to thoroughly research the medical facility they plan to visit for treatment. He says Americans undergoing surgery abroad would be wise to seek care in a multidisciplinary hospital or in a medical center that’s close to one, because such facilities are equipped with emergency rooms, intensive care units, and infectious disease teams.
“If something goes wrong with the patient, they have immediate access to care,” he said.
The Joint Commission International works to improve safety at health care facilities domestically and globally. The leading standards-setting and accrediting body for medical treatment in the US, the commission has assessed more than 20,000 health care organizations. Increasingly, it has given accreditation to international medical facilities, helping to standardize health care across borders. Accreditation ensures facilities are up to date, physicians are board-certified, plans for follow-up care are in place, risks of traveling after surgery are outlined, and more.
According to the American Society for Metabolic and Bariatric Surgery, a rise in medical tourism prompted the US-based JCI to establish guidelines for international facilities. The society last reviewed its data on medical tourism in 2015, noting that the number of JCI-accredited hospitals worldwide had increased by almost 1,000 percent over a five-year period. More than 250 facilities in 36 countries now have the accreditation, up from 27 hospitals in 2004.
In light of medical tourism’s rising popularity, groups such as the International Society for Quality in Health Care and the International Organization for Standardization have also stepped up efforts to implement guidelines for medical facilities globally.
Woodman has traveled internationally for medical care himself and says that more Americans are doing so because insurance coverage in the US is lacking. Patients who need bariatric surgery may be turned down because they’re obese but not quite obese enough. And people who do qualify for medical intervention may not have enough money to pay for the cost of surgery, which frequently includes hidden or unexpected fees.
“With all of the copays, deductibles, gotchas — ‘Yeah, we don’t cover the anesthesiologist’ — you’re paying much more than quoted,” he said. “You can be insured but underinsured, unless you have a Cadillac-level insurance plan.”
An estimated 28 percent of Americans, or 41 million, are underinsured. In some cases, insurance companies do cover weight loss surgery but a patient’s employer has not purchased the “rider” needed for bariatric coverage. Since typical health plans do not include these procedures, employers have to specifically opt in to such coverage.
The high cost of having surgery in the US, even with health insurance, makes bariatric procedures in foreign countries “very, very attractive” for people desperate to have them, Woodman said.
But he cautions the public not to rush into surgery at the first medical center that offers a “good” deal.
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In gastric sleeve surgery, roughly 80 percent of the stomach pouch is removed. BSIP/UIG Via Getty Images
“Many people shop around for bariatric surgery,” he said. “They’re always looking for the lowest price, but you get what you pay for. That’s why you end up with botched surgeries, going to places with no license, having surgeries conducted in hotel rooms, in … clinics that are not as well-accredited and a little shady. Those are the ones with the low prices, and desperate or gullible people are going to those clinics.”
Woodman also noted that having weight loss surgery outside the US often means forgoing the extensive mental health and nutritional counseling patients receive domestically. Bariatric patients in the States typically work with medical professionals about implementing lifestyle and behavioral changes prior to and following surgery. Before her trip to Tijuana, Hosea had already been in psychotherapy and took it upon herself to research how to maintain weight loss after a bariatric intervention. She said the medical facility she visited for her procedure didn’t provide this information, however.
That’s not the only drawback to having weight loss surgery in Mexico, or any other foreign country. Should complications arise, it can be difficult to access the surgeon again if the patient lives far from the border. Coordinating follow-up care can also be a challenge.
Postsurgical care is important since patients may experience problems, like gastric leaks, after their procedures. As with any surgery, bariatric operations also carry a small risk of death. In the US, the average mortality rate for bariatric surgery is under 0.3 percent, but it can be as high as 2 percent for some patients.
“It’s not getting a filling, having an MRI, IVF, or an orthopedic procedure,” Woodman said. “There’s a lot of opportunity for complications with bariatrics.”
Doctors and patients alike agree — often from firsthand experience.
Dr. Hamilton Le, the medical director of Integris Weight Loss Center in Oklahoma City, noticed a disturbing trend last year.
“We had a string of maybe eight patients in a row, every three to four weeks, who just recently had sleeve gastrectomy surgery in Tijuana, Mexico, and they all came from small towns in Oklahoma,” he said. And all of them had surgical complications.
Risks of gastric sleeve surgery include wound infections, a very narrow stomach pouch, as well as the previously mentioned gastric leaks, whereby the stomach contents exit the patient’s abdomen.
“This causes severe pain and infection,” Le said. “If they abscess, they need to have drain surgery or radiology puts a drain in. They need an IV to give them antibiotics and nutrition, which can be very expensive. They may get really sick and need to be in the ICU.”
Le suspects that medical tourism facilitators swayed the patients he’s treated to cross the border for surgery, packaging the trip as a dream vacation.
“They arrange for these people to go have surgery in sunny, beautiful Mexico,” he said. “They show them these beautiful luxury accommodations, and it’s $4,000 for the entire trip — transportation, airport, hotel, surgery. It’s this awesome vacation marketed in small towns.”
The patients targeted either don’t have health insurance or have insurance plans that cover weight loss surgery. And predatory medical tourism facilitators receive kickbacks for each patient they convince to have surgery overseas. Allegedly, LuLaRoe executives profited from referring salespeople to Mexico for bariatric surgery, and a lawsuit has been filed against a school district in Arizona because an administrator ran a medical tourism operation from campus. The administrator, who no longer works for the district, admitted to receiving $250 for each of the 300 patients she successfully referred for weight loss surgery in Mexico. A LuLaRoe executive reportedly made $1,000 for every successful referral.
Le contends that once they get paid, medical tourism facilitators are not interested in the health of patients. Before surgery, these facilitators are typically friendly to their referrals, but should problems for patients arise afterward, the recruiters may become hostile or ignore them altogether.
As it is, international surgery tends to be a whirlwind experience for patients.
“They’ll fly out on a Monday, meet their doctor on Monday afternoon, and be on a plane home Wednesday night or Thursday morning with a handful of instructions, pain medicine, antibiotics, and a note to go see their family doctor afterward,” Le said.
If patients develop complications after surgery, some US doctors may not be willing to see them. Physicians don’t want to be liable for patients with medical problems caused elsewhere, Le said. And insurance companies won’t pay for corrective procedures since they didn’t authorize the initial operation. In the end, a patient can end up paying hundreds of thousands of dollars for revision surgeries.
“But nobody warns you about that while you’re sitting in a waiting room before surgery,” Le said.
A billboard advertising lap band surgery, a procedure in which a small stomach pouch is created to reduce one’s appetite. LA Times via Getty Images
Justin Blackburn knows firsthand about the risks of an overseas bariatrics procedure. Eleven years ago, he had lap band surgery in Mexico. During this procedure, an inflatable band wraps around the top portion of the stomach, producing a small pouch above the band. The creation of the small pouch helps to make patients feel fuller quicker, leading them to eat less and lose weight. Although Blackburn’s insurance covered the surgery, he was disqualified from coverage for not being obese enough.
“I didn’t meet the [body mass index],” the 43-year-old recalled. “Mine was probably around 35, and they wanted it at 40 in the United States.”
But Blackburn had struggled with his weight for a decade, repeatedly yo-yo dieting. He knew that his stepmother, Elizabeth Erickson, had already gone to Mexico for bariatric surgery, so he decided to travel there from Arizona. He contacted the office of Dr. Ariel Ortiz, a doctor Erickson highly recommended, though she had not been a patient. Ortiz is well-known because he’s a pioneer of the lap band procedure. Blackburn said the doctor’s staff wasted no time arranging for him to have the operation.
“It took about two weeks from the time I contacted his patient sales rep to when I had my surgery,” Blackburn said.
He remembers expressing that he wanted to lose 60 pounds and being asked in response, “How soon can you get us the cashier’s check or Paypal transfer for $8,500?”
Blackburn said no one on staff inquired about his previous efforts to lose weight or presented him with any alternatives to surgery. (An attorney for Ortiz did not respond to Vox’s request for comment.) He proceeded with the operation, which initially appeared to be a success. During the postsurgical care period, however, Blackburn said he developed complications. Patients who undergo lap band procedures must have the devices periodically adjusted, and since he could not return to Ortiz for these adjustments, Blackburn visited an Arizona nurse named Wendy Hall for these follow-ups, as did his stepmother.
Although Hall had received training from Ortiz, Blackburn said she overtightened the band. He maintains that as a result, he developed acid reflux and esophagitis, a condition that causes painful swallowing, chest pain, and stomach acids to travel back up the esophagus.
“As soon as Wendy Hall started adjusting my lap band and overtightening it, I started having trouble swallowing food,” he said. “I was constantly throwing up.”
But Blackburn said his stepmother paid the ultimate price: Erickson developed severe complications after seeing Hall for an adjustment in 2013.
“Wendy Hall overtightened her lab band so tight that her stomach acids leaked out of her stomach into her heart and lungs, and she died of sepsis,” Blackburn said.
Dying from the result of a medical error isn’t limited to the medical tourism industry. Overall, medical errors are the third leading cause of death in the US, with more than 250,000 Americans killed from such mistakes. But a $100 million class-action lawsuit that Blackburn is part of has drawn particular attention to bariatric-centered medical tourism.
Filed this year by the Arizona firm Gregory Law Group, the suit accuses Ortiz, Hall, other medical professionals, affiliated businesses, and consultants of mischaracterizing the “nature, quality, and safety of bariatric procedures.” The lawsuit notes that Erickson died after developing complications from her surgery and aftercare from Hall, who was not a bariatric nurse but a nurse midwife. In May 2017, the Arizona Board of Nursing revoked Hall’s license.
Le considers it a social justice issue that patients with obesity have so few options for medical treatment that they end up in harm’s way. A member of the American Society for Metabolic and Bariatric Surgery, Le wants these patients, many of whom are socioeconomically disadvantaged, to have more access to care.
“We are encouraging insurance companies, national carriers, and employers, telling them that when they don’t cover bariatric surgery, we consider it discrimination,” he said.
Le said that obesity is a chronic medical problem like any other health condition, and patients deserve access to a range of treatment options. Refusing such care because of weight bias increases the odds that patients will fall prey to unscrupulous individuals who behave as if they have their best interests in mind.
Five years after his stepmother’s death, Blackburn continues to grieve her loss. And he continues to have health problems.
“I still have esophagitis. When I eat, I still have regurgitation problems, and sleeping is an issue.”
“I still have esophagitis,” he said. “When I eat, I still have regurgitation problems, and sleeping is an issue.”
But in other ways, his health has improved after losing 130 pounds.
“My weight’s great, and all the other problems related to it, I don’t really have,” said Blackburn, who now lives in Bozeman, Montana. “Before I had surgery, I started having knee and back problems. I didn’t like to be active, but now I live basically at a ski resort. I can hike. I can ski. I can do all these things where I feel like a 30-year-old instead of an 80-year-old. I don’t have high blood pressure, diabetes, or high cholesterol.”
Being able to live life to the fullest is the primary reason Tatum Hosea signed up for bariatric surgery as well. She’s still maintaining her weight loss and taking care not to fall into the unhealthy patterns that ensnared her before her gastric sleeve operation.
“I just wanted to be there for my kids,” she said. “I wanted to be healthy and live a long life. To do everything I’ve always wanted to do.”
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Original Source -> A lack of insurance is leading more Americans to have weight loss surgery in Mexico
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SmartArm’s AI-powered prosthesis takes the prize at Microsoft’s Imagine Cup
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SmartArm’s AI-powered prosthesis takes the prize at Microsoft’s Imagine Cup
A pair of Canadian students making a simple, inexpensive prosthetic arm have taken home the grand prize at Microsoft’s Imagine Cup, a global startup competition the company holds yearly. SmartArm will receive $85,000, a mentoring session with CEO Satya Nadella, and some other Microsoft goodies. But they were far from the only worthy team from the dozens that came to Redmond to compete.
The Imagine Cup is an event I personally look forward to, because it consists entirely of smart young students, usually engineers and designers themselves (not yet “serial entrepreneurs”) and often aiming to solve real-world problems.
In the semi-finals I attended, I saw a pair of young women from Pakistan looking to reduce stillbirth rates with a new pregnancy monitor, an automated eye-checking device that can be deployed anywhere and used by anyone, and an autonomous monitor for water tanks in drought-stricken areas. When I was their age, I was living at my mom’s house, getting really good at Mario Kart for SNES and working as a preschool teacher.
Even Nadella bowed before their ambitions in his appearance on stage at the final event this morning.
“Last night I was thinking, ‘What advice can I give people who have accomplished so much at such a young age?’ And I said, I should go back to when I was your age and doing great things. Then I realized…I definitely wouldn’t have made these finals.”
That got a laugh, but (with apologies to Nadella) it’s probably true. Students today have unbelievable resources available to them and as many of the teams demonstrated, they’re making excellent use of those resources.
SmartArm in particular combines a clever approach with state of the art tech in a way that’s so simple it’s almost ridiculous.
The issue they saw as needing a new approach is prosthetic arms, which as they pointed out are often either non-functional (think just a plastic arm or simple flexion-based gripper) or highly expensive (a mechanical arm might cost tens of thousands). Why can’t one be both?
Their solution is an extremely interesting and timely one: a relatively simply actuated 3D-printed forearm and hand that has its own vision system built in. A camera built into the palm captures an image of the item the user aims to pick up, and quickly classifies it — an apple, a key ring, a pen — and selects the correct grip for that object.
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The user activates the grip by flexing their upper arm muscles, an action that’s detected by a Myo-like muscle sensor (possibly actually a Myo, but I couldn’t tell from the demo). It sends the signal to the arm to activate the hand movement, and the fingers move accordingly.
It’s still extremely limited — you likely can’t twist a doorknob with it, or reliably grip a knife or fork, and so on. But for many everyday tasks it could still be useful. And the idea of putting the camera in the palm is a high-risk, high-reward one. It is of course blocked when you pick up the item, but what does it need to see during that time? You deactivate the grip to put the cup down and the camera is exposed again to watch for the next task.
Bear in mind this is not meant as some kind of serious universal hand replacement. But it provides smart, simple functionality for people who might otherwise have had to use a pincer arm or the like. And according to the team, it should cost less than $100. How that’s possible to do including the arm sensor is unclear to me, but I’m not the one who built a bionic arm so I’m going to defer to them on this. Even if they miss that 50 percent it would still be a huge bargain, honestly.
There’s an optional subscription that would allow the arm to improve itself over time as it learns more about your habits and objects you encounter regularly — this would also conceivably be used to improve other SmartArms as well.
As for how it looks — rather robotic — the team defended it based on their own feedback from amputees: “They’d rather be asked, ‘hey, where did you get that arm?” than ‘what happened to your arm?’ ” But a more realistic-looking set of fingers is also under development.
The team said they were originally looking for venture funding but ended up getting a grant instead; they’ve got interest from a number of Canadian and American institutions already, and winning the Imagine Cup will almost certainly propel them to greater prominence in the field.
My own questions would be on durability, washing, and the kinds of things that really need to be tested in real-world scenarios. What if the camera lens gets dirty or scratched? Will there be color options for people that don’t want to have white “skin” on their arm? What’s the support model? What about insurance?
SmartArm takes the grand prize, but the runners up and some category winners get a bunch of good stuff too. I plan to get in touch with SmartArm and several other teams from the competition to find out more and hear about their progress. I was really quite impressed not just with the engineering prowess but the humanitarianism and thoughtfulness on display this year. Nadella summed it up best:
“One of the things that I always think about is this competition in some sense ups the game, right?” he said at the finals. “People from all over the world are thinking about how do I use technology, how do i learn new concepts, but then more importantly, how do I solve some of these unmet, unarticulated needs? The impact that you all can have is just enormous, the opportunity is enormous. But I also believe there is an amazing sense of responsibility, or a need for responsibility that we all have to collectively exercise given the opportunity we have been given.”
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