#and most people don't actually care about your whole life history

[1mnobodywhoareyou]

Questions that bother me:

Where is your hometown?

Where did you grow up?

[griffonsgrove]

Hiiii!!! See your doing writing requests for Hazbin, Its my hyperfixation so I am in need of more content 👀 so I'd like to request maybe Vox general or NSFW headcanon ( either one is good lol-) with a afab reader maybe? This is my first time requesting something like this so sorry if I'm a little nervous or bad at requesting. I think this is how people are supposed to request? XD

General Dating Headcanons | Vox

a/n: You're totally alright dear! You said everything just fine! As I've stated before, I got early access to the first two episodes, and it's been so interesting to analyze vox's character! I hope I can do him justice!! He's starting to grow on me now. I'm gonna stick with a gn!reader just because these are general headcanons and I want them to be suited for anyone!

fandom: Hazbin Hotel

wordcount: 1299

cw: SPOILERS FOR HAZBIN HOTEL, swearing, vulgar content, stalking, death and mentions of death/murder., toxic/absuive relationships.

(PLATONIC):

Vox’s got eyes EVERYWHERE in hell. There is no escaping his line of sight unless you go completely off the grid. Which is pretty difficult to do when the entirety of pentagram city is covered head to toe in VoxTech.

However, if you don't pose a threat to him, he really doesn't give a shit about you otherwise, and won’t pay that much attention to your life.

When you first fell into hell, you were mostly confused as to how you wound up here in the first place. That quickly subsided into fear as you noticed the large variety of demons and sinners casually walking down the sidewalk like it was an average tuesday. 

You’ll never forget the sight of seeing a demon gnaw off the arm of another and swallow it whole, like it was an all-you-can-eat buffet. 

You wander aimlessly down the streets, keeping to yourself and being very cautious of those around you. Your clothes were in tatters, and you didn't have any form of money whatsoever, what were you to do??

You had two options: Somehow find a job in this new horrific realm, or, die.

You didn't care too much for the latter.

This is how you stumble across one of the largest studios/clubs in hell, owned by probably the most feared overlords in pentagram city. The V’s. 

You get hired to be nothing more than a waiter/waitress, to serve the patrons of the club, mostly serving them their drinks.

You weren't too fond of the work uniform either. It left nothing to the imagination, and exposed alot of skin, far too much to your liking. The job actually paid somewhat decently though and it was enough to be able to sustain a living. You were quick to rent out the nearest apartment.

One day, while you’re out on the main floor, making your rounds, your eyes briefly lock with the TV demon across a sea of sinners. Call it cheesy, but it was almost like a spark went off the moment he laid eyes on you. Which is something that doesn't happen often with the tech-savvy overlord. Who were you??

He lazily beckons you over with a claw, to which you obediently follow, although it doesn't hide the sheer nervousness written all over your face, He gives you his drink order in that sultry, velvet voice of his, eyeing you up. You gulp slightly and are quick to bring him his order. He thought you were so cute trembling for him.

He begins to stalk observe you closer after that. If you have any electronic devices he’ll watch you through your screens, trying to get a glimpse into what your life was like outside of work. The things you enjoyed doing in your free time, favorite shows, foods etc.

He def goes through your search history.

He would start showing up more in the sections you worked at, oftentimes minding his business, but occasionally striking up a conversation with you.

You did have to admit he was quite the charmer, his smooth voice was hypnotic to you.

OBSESSIVE TENDENCIES. If he notices some creep won't leave you alone while you're working, he’ll take care of them personally, it’s never a pretty sight afterwards. He cant have anyone taking what's his.

You're oblivious to his stalking and possessiveness, you don't think much of it, maybe that's because he puts on a friendly face when you’re around him.

But after some time of getting to know you, He’s the one that eventually asks you out on a “date”. You’re skeptical at first, but decide to accept his offer. And also partially because you were afraid of what would happen if you said no.

(ROMANTIC):

Ngl it’s kind of a situationship in the beginning.

Vox is a busy man, it’s constant work maintaining the studios (especially valentinos temper) and managing the entirety of hell's technology. So, he may ghost you at first.

That being said, He will still keep an eye on you. He often watches through your phone while you sleep, just to make sure you’re safe. Hell is a dangerous place after all.

Speaking of, you’re now under the protection of the V’s, so that’s a plus! You never have to worry about another demon laying a finger on you. They usually never get close enough to anyways.

He very easily gets jealous. He won't show it on the outside because he has an image to uphold, but you can tell every time from that crazed look in his eyes.

Vox is a possessive lover; he wants to keep you all to himself. If he could, he’d keep you locked up by his side all day.

CONTROLLING. He HAS to know where you’re at, at all times, and who you’re going to be with (lest you face one of his tantrums). Also dictates what you wear, He likes to dress you up to his liking, like you’re his own personal doll.

Insecure much?

Say goodbye to privacy btw. He constantly has you in the back of his mind and a watchful eye on you. It can be kind of suffocating at times. The two of you have gotten into a few arguments because of this.

Valentino gets jealous of you too. How dare you take his boy-toy away from him? He’s often giving you the stink eye and will threaten you behind vox’s back. You’re too scared to tell Vox, because you don't want to face Val’s wrath.

You know briefly of his and Val’s “relationship” it all had seemed very one-sided and completely unhealthy.

You're often having to calm Vox down. The man has a very short temper and is easily provoked. 

Imagine you pressing little kisses to his screen after he found out about Alastor’s return. He remains stoic, but secretly enjoys your affection.

Some of the pet names he loves to call you include; Doll, Dear, Darling, Sweetheart, Babe.

Pretty old-fashioned ik, but he's a classy man alright?

He tends to be pretty touchy, always having a clawed hand on the small of your back, or an arm wrapped around your waist. It’s more of a possessive trait of his, to keep what's his close.

He loves having you sprawled on his lap while he’s in his screen room, you stay nuzzled into his side, often taking naps while he does broadcasts.

He TOTALLY spoils you btw. He’s one of the most powerful overlords in hell, ofc he has the money to show it. Whatever dingy apartment you had before, forget about it bc this man has you living in a penthouse suite in one of the most expensive apartment buildings. He sees you looking at something in a store or online?? Boom, it’s yours now.

He loves buying you clothes, as I’ve said before, you're his “doll” and he loves playing dress up with you.

And if you buy him something?? He’s taken by surprise at first, he’s never really been on the receiving end of that affection, so whatever it is you give him he’ll cherish it.

If you ever have someone bothering you, or want to get rid of, you just say the word babe. He’ll be feeding them to his sharks >:)

The man is emotionally constipated, ok?? All he’s ever known from relationships is what he shared with Val (and trust me that was a train wreck). He’s rough around the edges, short-tempered and isn't always easy to get along with, and he’s incredibly possessive which can be suffocating to deal with at times. This probably stems from him not wanting to actually be alone, He doesn't want you to slip out of his grasp, so he keeps a tight leash on you. But underneath all these flaws, he really does love you and care about you. At the end of the day, He just wants someone that will stay.

[starlight-45]

Dating BLLK boys in school! (Part 2)

Featuring:- Hyoma Chigiri, Reo Mikage, Seishiro Nagi (Part 1 here with Yoichi Isagi, Meguru Bachira and Rin Itoshi and here's the masterlist )

A/n: again, don't know where this shit is set. It has their current personalities and they're still in blue lock. Maybe taking a break in off-season and go to school for a change. Idk.

~Hyoma Chigiri~

•Is pretty nonchalant about the whole thing actually he is about most things but gives in easily much to your suprise. he's unpredictable like that.

• To him school was just a place to showcase his talent on a low level before moving on to the bigger stage.

• Kinda really didn't have that many friends, despite being popular as hell because of his looks and talent.

• 'Cause no one really couldn't kept up with his actual sass and sharp personality. Well expect for you now, darling! Don't expect him to admit it though, you'll get only an eye roll out of him.

• But geuninely like there are situations where he has to reject like 5 people at once. 😭 You don't whether to be impressed or annoyed by it.

• Anyway.

• If Chirgiri isn't in class, you can find him in the library. Before you try to fight me, lemme remind it's in the egoist Bible so it's canon.

• He will binge read history novels honestly, and thinks in his free time how it could have been different and stuff. He thinks about the fall of the Roman Empire at least once a day.

• Won't ramble or blabble about it too much to you, but will share random titbits to you about, at the most random times.

• No seriously. At the most random times.

"Ugh trigonometry is the worst-"

"Christianity promotion must have resulted in loss of traditional values of Romans..."

"Huh?"

"You asked to study right?"

"YES. To study maths. Tommorow is the test!"

"...Oh."

• Also he's got a fair amount of complaints from teachers and other coordinators about his long hair. When they speak to him about it, he's judging then SO hard. He does it to almost everyone.

• If you blabble about your classmates stories, he will listen to it, asking questions actively. He actually is pretty interested in the gossipy stuff.

• Can I just rant about how much of a tease he is in denying you affection? Like don't get me wrong, of course Chigiri's gonna have some sort of physical contact like holding hands and stuff in front of other students.

• To show you guys are together and no he's not entertaining any confessions, that's what he tells you to just not get annoying interactions but you both know it's just not that lol

• But when you two do mange to get alone on campus, this guy is a cheeky little bastard. He intentionally leans a bit far than you, just to rile you up and make the first move.

"What? Why are you glaring at me, huh? I didn't do anything you know."

• By the way, this kind of situation doesn't really happen often. Only in school when alone. Still to this day you don't know why he gets like that during that specific time.

• You guessed it's maybe because he rarely can keep his hands off you in private, so this environment keeps him a but grounded and can act all cool. You saw right through it, but that's different story.

• Doesn't care what people think of him, rude, moody, arrogent hell even princess...because like whatever. But won't torelate any negetive comments about you.

• His demeanor doesn't change much, but his glare speaks for itself that the person currently should shut up if they know what's good for them.

• Because, despite all the ups and downs our princess truly loves you and will want the best for you. Amen.

~Mikage Reo~

• I'm guessing you already has a pretty good grasp at what to expect from him, huh?

• We all know, that while on the surface his school life is perfect with good grades, popularity, football...he gets really really bored there.

• But I think as his girlfriend, it's your job to not get him excited. And guess what? You're doing a great job at it!

• This guy is the type, that when in a relationship, you can talk on and on about golf most boring sport ever! and he will listen like it's the most interesting thing ever.

• So yeah... it's not really all that hard for ya to keep him busy lol. Others have a hard time to do so though.

• Though he gave up on studies since blue lock, he figured that it won't hurt to study a bit for a few months to keep up his reputation.

• And to impress you, but shh don't let him know I told ya. But yeah, when talking about studies he's more of a hard work type rather than being a natural. I'm looking at you, Nagi!

• Which is a blessing for you because you can literally just call him over whenever you wanna study. And like ACTUALLY study, he's the best at tutoring, teaching you everything patiently.

• I mean he was the best friend was Nagi. OF COURSE Reo gained a lot of patience from being around that baby.

• Still entertains the fan following he quickly gained at school I mean what did you expect? but not really too much like before.

• Kinda because of still having PTSD from blue lock. You know the the haunting feeling no matter what he does there are things he won't get. Yeah that's what he's afraid of deep down.

• And not just that, also because of you. He knows people can get a too overboard with the fangirling which might make you uncomfortable. So sweet! 😭

• Proudly shows you off as his, and damn he does get a bit of a smug look which is priceless to see. It's a good reminder for him that no matter what happens, you're always his side.

• Which suprisingly makes everyone immediately back off, because like it's just so evident that this guy is just too hooked up on you to even glance at their direction.

• Will actually bribe the school authorities to get you in his class, and will deny any accusations made against him by you about that matter you JUST asked him casually but y'know this guy is dramatic as hell.

• "Why would I do that? You think that I'm the kind of rich person to throw money away just to get my way?"

"I love you Reo but that's exactly what you are."

• Always has an arm around you, suprising you during lunch break, pulling your cheeks even in front of everyone...you're just that cute!

• Is the type to distract you during class, then giggle when you get called out by the teacher for not paying attention. :P

• Don't worry much though, Reo doesn't do it that often, he knows his limits, despite being tempted to do more just to have your attention and your adorable mad face.

• Damnit, you're still just too cute for him to resist having you with him. He truly is blessed.

~Nagi Seishiro~

• Okay so, I think this scenario can go two ways, depending on what time you ask him and what mood he is in.

• 1. Nagi would just say "It's such a hassle" and drop his head on your lap, not wanting to think much but will relent with a bit of convincing because again, he doesn't wanna use his brain much.

• 2. Would just say okay on your first attempt, not seeing any reason to refuse. As you can see, both of these scenarios end up getting him back in school for a few months.

• We all know he's the type to just sleep and play games in class and get scolded by the teacher because of it.

• Lord knows how this guy manages to top every single time because I don't.

• "Hey Seishiro what did you get?"

"..98.."

"I just can't believe it, how do you do it every single time?!"

"I don't believe it either." said the teacher unamused, arranging the papers.

• You also feel lowkey jealous because of it, like can study for hours and hours and still get less than him I don't know about you ma'am but I would have given up a long time ago on academics.

• However, it has it's merits as well. He doesn't study but hangs around you when you do in the library or his apartment and sometimes kind of helps you understand stuff.

• "God this question is so stupid."

"...Hm? It's so easy..."

"Oh really? Why don't you tell me how to do it?"

"... don't convert the tan A into sin A/cosA, because it won't get divided on the final step..."

"Wow it worked, thank you!"

"... don't mention it."

• If you can't find him during lunch, you can find him in teacher's cabin getting scolded or sleeping/playing games on the stairs.

• And in extreme cases, on the water tank of the rooftop how the hell did does he get there?? basically everywhere expect the classroom, eating his lunch, y'know like a normal person in lunch break.

• So it's your duty to drag him to have lunch so to make sure he doesn't die. No I'm not exaggerating, this guy can be starving to death but still be playing call of duty.

• This guy is shameless around you, and the worst part that you can't even say anything about it because it's not his intention to annoy you. He is just is build different.

• Like, he'd just lean over your shoulder as you drag him to class you still won't give him the piggyback ride. Poor boy not really regardless of people giving him and you judgemental stares.

• On the rare days when he's not sleeping in class, he's still not paying any attention to the teacher. Yeah all the teachers hate him.

• Instead his focus is all on you, observing how you are trying your best to pay attention to whatever the hell the teacher's trying to explain, suprisingly intrigued.

• He doesn't know why but, he's not bored while doing even though he's just looking at you . This guy is just attracted to you so damn much.

• And his smol energy level won't allow him to fight that attraction either. However Nagi doesn't dislike that fact. He loves the attraction and you, even if he didn't realise it yet.

A/n: I think the quality is dipped in this one, I kind of rushed it. I apologise for it. (⁠╥⁠﹏⁠╥⁠)

[awildtei]

people who think kevaaron are boring just don't get it i'm afraid. like:

imagine you are the best at what you do and everyone worships you and/or uses you as their focal point in life and/or projects so hard onto you that you're not sure who you are when you're alone... except for this one guy. this one guy has seen you at your worst, drunk and messy and crying and throwing up and panicking and feeling sorry for yourself. he's seen you at your bitchiest and most insufferable. he knows exactly how broken you are. and all along he's rolled his eyes at you and been like 'this asshole? really? this is the guy everyone is always tripping over themselves to impress/save/psychologically torture? he's Just Some Dude (derogatory)... could never be me.' he doesn't idolize you. he thinks you being the best at exy is, like, at most fifth on the list of most interesting things about you. he lets you talk about history and actually listens. he doesn't think you're pathetic for grieving your abuser. he looks at you and sees you. nothing more. (nothing less). when you get closer it's because he's interested in you (kevin) and not You (Kevin Day). when he falls in love with you there are no expectations to fail to meet because he. knows. you. all of you. and somehow wants you anyway.

and imagine you have been 'the less interesting twin' since you found out you were a twin at all. no one sees you, no one cares. you're filled with anger and resentment and keep being told you're in the wrong for feeling that way. that you should let it go and move on. your abuse pales in comparison to that of the people around you, and as such is dismissed and forgotten. you want to be someone so badly you are killing yourself in the process. you are not talented like your brother and you don't have his memory but you have this. your two hands. your hard work. a need so profound to amount to something that it keeps you going even though you're exhausted all. the. time. and no one cares... except for this one guy. he chews you out on the court but admires and respects how much effort you put into everything you do. he doesn't think you're weak for needing your weekly dose of dust. he doesn't think your ambition is silly or pointless. he doesn't think you're stupid for grieving your abuser. when you get closer it's not because you're the less compelling half of a fascinating whole. it's because he finds you interesting all on your own. he looks at you and sees you. nothing more. (nothing less). he doesn't flinch at your sharp edges. he calls you an asshole but smiles like it's a compliment. when he falls in love with you it's not with a softer, more talented, more palatable version of you. it's with you (aaron) and not you ('the normal one') because he. knows. you. all of you. and somehow wants you anyway.

[system-of-a-feather]

DID and Recovery

Honestly, I think something that I don't think I've seen talked about that I've only now really reflected upon and put into words myself, is just how much living DID - or at least DID with heavily elaborated parts and just a general complex / polyfragmented structure - is just how much of your life is Actually Just Internal and its not really something I've noticed until I've begun to operate in a fused manner and more grounded manner

Because growing up, I didn't really exist in the real world. I - in my many different parts and forms - occasionally existed in the real world, engaging in it like it's a job, a video game, a challenge, a maintence task, or what not. Even as a fused whole, I never really lived in this world. Every part of myself only "visited" and "checked in" whether they explicitly were aware that's what they were doing. I was just bouncing between 400 Visas and names. Living in this world never meant anything to me much more than either a place of pain, a place of work, a fun game, a challenge, a hobby, a task, etc.

My childhood was internal. Almost all of my parts, our childhood was internal. Our memories of our childhood relates to how it was internalized internally. Our traumatic memories of childhood relates to how it was recorded internally and the narrative we attributed to it. Our internal experience was more important than our external experience. Our family was not our family as much as our situational family that we existed around - our real family were the parts we were aware of during that time. Riku's siblings weren't their siblings. They were "our" siblings to which "our" didn't really exist. Lucille was Riku's adoptive sibling.

So much of our past and our history is so hard to understand if you try to talk about it in a manner that is grounded only to what was happening externally, because the experiences we had externally mean much much much less to us and how we were shaped than the internal experience. The external facts inform what was happening internally, but if I were to talk about my oldest sister's psychological abuse, it would mean a lot less than if I talked about the internal ramifications and depiction and understanding of it.

And so even now, as we've healed massively, we've really got at least 10 fully elaborated different versions and understandings of our lives. We've lived entirely different narratives and at the same time they are all me, but none of them were really here, in the real world, existing or caring about anything other than either our specific hobbies / interests and our "duties"

The past 8 years was all about us learning to really live and engage in our internal world more intentionally and mindfully and productively, learning one another and learning our overall history; the past 3-4 years has been largely us learning to figure out how to exist in a world we have never genuinely existed in. And I think our fiance played a large rule in helping us with the "culture shock" and keeping faith that we could one day kind of find our place in "this world" that doesn't feel like a fraudulent lie or a forced face.

I think its only been this past year or so since we've been in functional multiplicity, final fusion, and/or living as a fully fused multiple have we ever actually **LIVED** in this world.

And I find that it's kind of hard to explain my own life story to those that don't understand and/or can't fathom what it means to very much not live in "this world" but you know, that's okay. People don't necessarily need to fully understand it, because these days that depth of understanding isn't even really necessary. I think its just important that space is held, respected, and understood as I learn to navigate my life in the real present real world because honestly, I want to live here. I want to be here. I want to be present and exist in the world I HAVE to exist and learn to love it. I've spent most of my life visiting this world and doing maintenance so I could sustain my internal space, but honestly, I really would love to live in both. Find joy in both. Make the maintenance not "maintenance" but just part of living.

That's all just to say that living and existing in the world when your entire understanding of self and history is based on your internal world and experiences that you had in relation to that internal world that no one can really see or even properly fathom, it's all just an interesting, unique, and challenge experience that I don't see talked about much.

[topazadine]

Okay, okay, here's perhaps my spiciest and most controversial take yet.

Now, before I even say anything, please note that I am talking specifically about fantasy. Not retellings of myths, not historical fiction set in different countries, nothing like that. This is for second-world fantasy, where you're creating a whole different world.

Ready?

Stop making everything so damn complicated!

This is not to say that you can't have a rich and exciting world filled with lore, religion, different societies, traditions, unique geographies. Not that. Of course we want that: it's the whole reason we read fantasy. I'm talking about something else.

This is my simple takedown, and you can read the rest to better understand what I mean:

Stop jamming your story with five billion weird words.

Don't use super complicated nouns.

Keep the characters to a minimum so we can know and like them.

Don't yammer on about all the backstory.

Stop making readers do homework just to understand things.

Focus on the feeling a story gives instead of the intricate worldbuilding.

And lastly, a pre-emptive note to those who are putting their hackles up and telling me why they are an exception.

Why is it important to keep things simple?

A lot of people shy away from fantasy because they assume that every fantasy story is going to be so complicated that their head will hurt. Not in terms of plot - many people like complicated plots - but in terms of terminology and history. Things that ultimately don't really matter to the plot.

We as writers often assume that everyone cares about our story as much as we do and is equally captivated by every detail. This is simply not true.

To your reader, your story is not their life's work: it is entertainment that they want to be able to enjoy at their leisure. It's a distraction from their difficult lives and all their real-world frustrations. If they get really into it and, say, write fanfic or whatever, that's amazing! But they're not likely to do that if they feel like they'll be jumped on for doing something wrong or that they have to include every single little detail.

For example, I wrote over 1 million words of Touken Ranbu fanfic. Touken Ranbu, at its heart, has a very simple premise: you've got a bunch of legendary swords that were turned into hot men and fight evil time-traveling monsters. You can understand it with just that. There are layers to it, though, that you can slowly untangle. That makes for good writing because it works on multiple levels depending on how much you care about it.

I would have given up on the story if I felt like I needed a dictionary just to understand the plot. Most people would. Language needs to be accessible and premises need to be clear, or no one is going to want to go deeper.

Subtle little details that people can pick up are way more enjoyable than tossing every single factoid at people so that they feel overwhelmed and can't think. It's wonderful to have rich layers of symbolism, mythology, etc. That's excellent. But you can only get people to care about those things if they can actually comprehend your damn story.

A lot of the things that turn people off from fantasy are all about a writer's ego, and it oozes through the work. People can tell that you're wanting them to pat you on the back for putting so much shit in your story. It's annoying and a total turn-off when you make readers work so hard to comprehend what you're saying.

So what exactly am I talking about? This.

Using made-up terms for everything that could easily be explained with a normal English word

When I am writing fantasy, I imagine myself as a translator. After all, my made-up societies have their own made-up language (Seinish) that is referenced a few times.

However, I'm not using Seinish words all the time. I'm writing in English. I didn't write out a Seinish dictionary or even come up with most of the terms because, honestly? Most readers don't care. They want to understand what's going on in as simple of terms as possible, with only a few specific terms that remind us that we're somewhere different.

I may use some specialized terminology, but it's always couched in context clues that make us aware of what it is without actually having to just say "sdlkjfslkdjf, also known as a marketplace."

For example, in The Eirenic Verses, the High Poet Society has religious centers called meronyms. (Which actually isn't a made-up word.) We know they're religious centers because we see all the religious leaders living there. Someone sees the term "meronym" and goes "oh yeah, that's the religious place" and moves on.

It's one of the only confusing, specialized terms in the book other than place names, which people expect whenever they're reading fantasy. Because of that, it stands out and is easy to remember. It's not one of 1029310283012830132 different terms someone has to remember in order to follow along.

Even Tolkien, famed for literally writing an entire extra book full of lore for his stories, doesn't really use that much specialized terminology except for place names. My favorite author, China Mieville, only uses specialized terminology for things that have absolutely no basis in our reality and that can't be explained otherwise. And he's an extremely eloquent guy who uses the weirdest words possible whenever he can. If he can write a book that's mostly comprehensible without a cheat sheet, you can too.

If there is an English term for what you are trying to explain, just use that, for the love of god. The point of writing a story is not to show how smart and special you are: it is to tell a story. You need to remove as many barriers to access as possible.

Things that get a pass and can be made up most, if not all, of the time:

Place names (as in specific places, not categories of things)

Peoples' names

Languages

Species that don't exist in our world

Modes of transportation that don't exist in our world

Magic that can't be explained in any other way

Technology that can't be defined by our language

Look, if you have an animal that is basically a dragon, just call it a dragon. If you've got a wheeled carriage, call it a carriage. Call earth magic something based in earth terms, like "terravitae" or something, idk. There should be some connection to our world in your terminology because you are writing this in English for an English-speaking audience.

It doesn't make you a lazy writer, it makes you one that wants people to understand what you're talking about. Again, imagining yourself as a translator is a good way to keep yourself from going ham on the nouns.

Proper nouns that are way too complicated

Let's look at some well-known proper nouns from fantasy.

Middle Earth

Narnia

Earthsea

Discworld

Westeros

Ankh-Morpork

Bas-Lag

Wonderland

They're all ... simple. They're not a million syllables with weird intonations and accents and all that. If you showed this to a medieval peasant, they'd probably be able to pronounce them and would likely understand that they were place names.

Unless there's a good reason to have a weird name, don't use one. Come up with something simpler.

All of these I mentioned are three syllables or less, making them easier to remember. In fact, I'd argue that nearly every proper noun in your book should be no more than three syllables. Maybe one or two four-syllable ones.

Any very weird name should be balanced out by several easier ones so that it stands out.

40 million characters

Younger writers often want their world to feel very lived in, so they introduce dozens of characters with their own names, descriptions, backstories, etc etc etc. The problem is that this is a huge mental load on your reader, especially if a lot of the characters have very similar names. It makes reading your stuff into a chore rather than an enjoyable experience.

Now, some literary greats do have a lot of characters. But they get away with it because they're great.

I'm not great, so I don't do that.

I'd also suggest that you don't do that, regardless of how good you think you are.

To see if you have too many chracters, write out a dramatis personnae and rank it in terms of importance. Does your top tier have like 15 characters? Cut some. Figure out where they are in the story and if they don't exist for more than a few pages, delete them. Absorb them into someone else.

If a character is only in one scene, don't bother naming them. They don't matter enough. This reduces the cognitive load for your reader because they can see that character for what they are: a background person who exists only briefly.

Any time you name a character, they need to have deep plot relevance. The more unusual your character's name, the more important they should be. And they should have some sort of relationship to another character, preferably the main character. Otherwise, why are they there? Why do we care? Go away!

Way too much backstory

I am an adult and my brain is filled with 50 million other things. I have to remember stuff for my job, I have a to-do list, I have family I care about who needs me.

Your story is not the end-all be-all of my existence. Hell, my story is not the end-all be-all of my existence either. I want to be able to pick up your book, understand what's going on, and then delve a bit deeper or even make up my own headcanons.

I do not need the entirety of your story's world thrown at me right off the bat. It is overwhelming and tiring. Imagine if you visited a different country and someone immediately came up to you and started spewing the whole history of the country right after you stepped off the plane. That's what you're doing to your readers!

Think also about how you approach your everyday world. Do you reel off a million facts about your personal history the instant you meet someone? No, of course not. It'd be weird and creepy.

Are you constantly recalling facts about your city while walking down the street? Do you even know any major facts about your city? You probably know a few little trivia points and that's it. Because it's not relevant to you, and it's not relevant to your readers, either. I can't recall off the top of my head when Cleveland was settled, but I can tell you that we have the world's first Dunkleosteus fossil in our museum, because that is interesting to me. That's the kind of thing that makes a place feel lived-in, not four hundred thousand pages of exposition about the place's history.

Give your readers time to settle in, and reveal things slowly as they make sense. Maybe we hear a little bit about the country's government as they pass a parliament house, or because they have to visit the city center for a different reason. If it's not pertinent to the current scene, then don't put it there.

I've got tons of lore for my world. Some of it may be referenced one singular time, and some of it may be never referenced at all. That's okay, because it's just for me to get a better sense of the place I created. If a reader doesn't need it, then I don't bother putting it in, because it might detract from their enjoyment.

Overall: stop making your readers do homework!

We do not want our readers to feel like they are working when they are reading our stuff. Excellent writers can infuse deep themes and symbology into their stories without making it feel like work. These are the writers who are remembered forever, because not only have they made a good story that you can enjoy at a surface level, but they have also twined in deeper themes that you can dive into after you've digested the story.

I did my undergrad in British literature, so I read a lot of Shakespeare and contemporaneous authors. Shakespeare is considered complicated by modern standards because of the Elizabethan language, but if you translated it into modern terms, his stories are simple. People betray each other and stab each other, or fuck each other, or get transported to weird magical worlds.

You could watch a Shakespeare play and think absolutely nothing of the themes, but still enjoy the story. You could know absolutely nothing about Greek history and still get the gist.

This is because Shakespeare specifically wrote his plays to appeal to a mass audience. He was a god-tier author when it came to balancing symbology and plot. To be like Shakespeare, be simple. Remember that your reader does. not. really. care. all that much. They don't.

It's very unlikely that your writing is going to become someone's life's work and they're going to spend their whole existence studying. Cool if true, but unlikely.

Your job is to make a story that people like and want to read. Only when you've gotten people liking and reading do you get permission to go ham with the backstory and the characterization and the weird names, because they trust you to create a story that they will like. Otherwise, your primary objective is making people feel things so they want to feel more things and read more stories.

People care more about how a story makes them feel than the specifics

Yes, of course there are outliers to this who really want every single detail of the world, but those are few and far between. You should not tailor your story to these exceptions. Think about the average everyday person.

I have many books that I love, but I can't tell you everything about them now. I can, however, tell you how I felt when I was reading them: the plot twists that made me gasp, the thing that made me cry. I can give you a general, sweeping impression of whether I liked or disliked the story and what made me feel something. This is what people recommend books based on: how they felt.

Your story should focus on the plot and the emotion. People watch movies, listen to music, read books, or look at art to feel something, not to memorize factoids for later usage. Even if they do want to memorize factoids, they won't do that if they haven't built an emotional connection to the story.

While in life, we want facts over feelings, it's opposite in creative writing. We want feelings over facts. The emotional resonance, the mood, the characters, the plot: that is what is important, not showing off how smart you are and how much you have thought about your story.

"But Topazadine, I am special and different! I'm not going to follow your advice."

Sure. Go ahead. I can't stop you. If you want to have a million characters and an entire dictionary to explain everything, that is your choice.

No one can tell you how to write; my advice is just advice.

If you don't like what I have said here, then feel free to ignore it. You don't need to justify it to me or anyone else.

However, you must recognize that this may not resonate with readers. It will turn people off.

I'm not a completionist, and neither are many others; they'll roll their eyes and click out when they are faced with ten pages of character names upfront.

Of course you should always write for yourself first, but if you are planning to write fiction for any level of commercial appeal and you intend to make any amount of money on your work, then audience does matter. If you want kudos or comments on your AU, audience matters. You won't get engagement if you are alienating people.

Your writing decisions are always your own and no one can demand you do something different. You just need to decide whether your personal satisfaction in writing your story in a certain way outweighs your desire for validation, and, perhaps, money. I can't tell you the answer for that; it's up to you.

If you enjoyed this, maybe you'll consider reading my fantasy book, 9 Years Yearning, which does not have 121238103 characters and 3230123 strange words. It does, however, have double-tsundere-mutual-pining-gay-boy-awakening. And horses. It's also just $3.

[intuitive-revelations]

I've got a kind-of crack theory about Ruby's mother...

Back in The Church on Ruby Road, Ruby is invited onto Long Lost Family, a genealogy TV program hosted by Davina McCall, with the hope of finding some information about her bio family. Unfortunately, they come up with nothing.

[ID: 6 gifs showing Ruby and Davina McCall talking to each other on the phone from The Church on Ruby Road. Davina apologies to Ruby, who tries to hide her upset at the news.

DAVINA: "There is no trace of your mum or dad. I'm sorry. It happens sometimes." RUBY: "No, that's fine... Thanks but, um, could you keep looking?" DAVINA: "No, there's nothing more we can do. If your parents aren't on some kind of database, we can't find them." RUBY: "Ok, um... isn't that unusual though? There's not a single trace anywhere? I mean... in the whole wide world, my mother's never left a blood sample or anythin'?"]

Now obviously, I know tracking down family is hard and, especially for orphans and adopted children, there's no gurantee that you'll be able to get the information you need. But I do find it odd there's seemingly "no trace" of Ruby's parents.

The section where I go on an odd tangent about genealogy

Speaking as someone who isn't a genealogist, but does enjoy researching family history in what little spare time they have... in my experience, close DNA matches aren't that hard to find. Especially if you're of white european descent, as Ruby is (presumably).

(It's generally harder for other ethnicities, as most research resources are white english/american focused. I know this is especially tricky for people like african-americans, where many of one's ancestors may have been enslaved. I've personally also found it tricky with Jewish communities as historically many of them used patronymic names prior to the 1800s, plus you have to account for immigration name changes, pogroms etc.)

For example, as someone who is white, with a mix of various british, mainland european, and ashkenazi ancestors, I actually have thousands of DNA matches, just from an autosomal test on Ancestry alone, let alone something like an mtDNA, xDNA or yDNA test:

[ID: Edited screenshot showing maternal and paternal DNA matches on my AncestryDNA profile. There are 16279 maternal matches and 9745 paternal matches.]

Obviously, due to the way family trees work, most of these are distant matches, however it does include plenty of close ones too, which I've been able to trace to real records and identify relationships with. Personally, my matches even already include many 1st and 2nd cousins, albeit usually a one or two degrees removed, especially as the userbase tends to swing older on these websites. This includes a few people close enough for me to have already known them from family functions and shared annecdotes. Meanwhile, where I did have blank spots, from immigrations, estranged family members, early deaths etc, I've been able to fill in a lot of information.

So what does it mean that there's "no trace" of Ruby's family?

Deliberate or not?

The big question I've had since The Church on Ruby Road is: just how untraceable is Ruby's family?

On one hand, I feel like if this was real life and professional TV genealogists were helping you, you'd get a bit more information than a quick phone call saying they've got zilch. If they're sharing nothing... do they literally have nothing?

On the other hand, this also feels like a writing shortcut. We don't really need 3 hours of Davina McCall sat with Ruby at a computer breaking down every question and theory about possible family members. Ultimately, this was probably just a way to quickly get some major exposition out there, plus throw in a Christmas celebrity cameo for casual viewers. The fact they only talk about Ruby's "parents" being in a DNA database, and no-one else, doesn't give me a lot of faith in the care for accuracy RTD took with this plot point tbh.

Indeed Davina does say 'it happens sometimes', which could indicate it's not as extreme as having zero close relatives...

...but Ruby also asks if it's unusual for there to be no trace of anything, which Davina doesn't answer. If we're asking that question, it sounds like things really could have turned up that blank.

It may not be easy for orphans and adoptees to find family, but I assume it must be quite rare to have zero possible leads? Especially if you're a younger person, and thus may have a good number of people of the right generation to know/remember your family members still alive. Worst case scenario, I can imagine having some leads, only for someone to be uncontactable, or lack the information that would be useful. That being said, maybe I'm being too optimistic, as someone who had the priviledge of never having as much difficulty.

The weird sci-fi parallel (TW: incest (kinda), intersexism)

This is where we get to my theorising. Because in a science fiction context, and specifically a time-travel one, there is one quite famous short story that has a protagonist with zero family connections: '—All You Zombies—' by Robert A Heinlein.

(Fun fact: "All You Zombies" is also the name of a planned Class Ongoing story, once I get the time to resume that.)

You may also be familiar with the movie adaptation: 'Predestination'. It's also seemingly the inspiration for all sorts of similar stories, from 'The Man Who Folded Himself' to Red Dwarf and Futurama.

You might see where i'm going from that last one...

(Again disclaimer: if you seek it out, that this story may be quite triggering. It also was written in 1959. While it's actually somewhat respectable of a trans (kind-of, you'll see what I mean - I'll generally use the pronouns used in the text below) protagonist, it includes sexism, intersexism bordering on medical horror, and selfcest/incest.)

In 1963 (funnily enough), a lonely, orphaned 18 year old woman named Jane has a sexual encounter with a man in a park which ends up leaving her pregnant. When complications arise, the doctor discovers during a successful caesarian she's actually intersex, with a form of ovotesticular syndrome, with her immature, partially developed organs "a mess". He removes the now damaged womb, ovaries etc and, without consent, 'rearranged things so that [they] can develop properly as a man".

A few weeks later, the baby is stolen from the hospital by a man.

Despite all this tragedy, they do decide to complete their transition, restarting life as a man. He struggles to find work, but eventually finds himself making a living selling fake confession stories to magazines as "the Unmarried Mother".

Years later In a bar, he tells his story to a Bartender. After it all, the Bartender reveals he's actually a time agent and offers the chance to see his baby's father again. He drops him off in 1963 to find the man.

Meanwhile, in 1964, the Bartender steals a baby from a hospital, and drops her off at an orphanage in 1945.

The Bartender returns to the Unmarried Mother a month later in 1963, just in time to see him leaving a lonely young woman he met with in a park...

"Now you know who he is", the Bartender says, "—and after you think it over you’ll know who you are... and if you think hard enough, you’ll figure out who the baby is... and who I am.” He drops the Unmarried Mother off in 1983, where he can be recruited by the Temporal Bureau.

The Bartender, Jane, the Unmarried Mother, the kidnapper, the Father, and the Baby are revealed to all be one person, a family tree onto themself. The perfect time agent, causally disconnected from the rest of humanity and thus safe from Faction Paradox - if they are truly human at all (possibly explaining their biological bi-sexuality).

Thus, literally, having no relatives.

NO, OF COURSE I don't think this is what's up with Ruby!

But...

A lot of people have suggested that the woman who drops off Ruby could be herself. Obviously this doesn't necessarily mean Ruby is her own mother - let alone her own intersex father, child, and recruiter too!

But the story did come to my mind watching the Christmas special, and I do think the less squicky side of it, the 'perfect time agent' angle is worth considering. Could Ruby really be causally/genetically disconnected from the rest of humanity? Could she literally have no close relatives?

Assuming her DNA is not taken from any other person, but some semi-random mix of genes, she really may not match with anyone. At most, she would have some distant false matches, who share very small portions of DNA with her just by statistical fluke.

"BUT", I hear you say, "Didn't she get rewritten by the literal butterfly effect in episode one? She must be connected to humanity!"

Yes she did. But you know else happened?

She was still there.

Seriously think about it. Time travel fiction often doesn't think about the full consequences of time being altered even slightly, especially for a gag, but think about it literally. If all of human history was changed and a whole new species, possibly descended from Silurians, became dominant on the planet...

... why would the Doctor still happen to be travelling with someone with a name beginning with 'Rub-' who looks like Millie Gibson? Remember her name comes from Ruby Road... so does 'Ruby Road' exist on Rubathon's Earth? The Church presumably doesn't, unless there's a lizard Jesus...

At the very least we can point to the Web of Time being particularly reinforced around Ruby for some reason, even after all the damage it's taken between Flux and now, letting Ruby persist into the new timeline. This is explicitly confirmed in the last episode, with the Doctor calling it a fixed point.

At worst, it may imply whatever 'designed' Ruby just needs her to meet the Doctor, no matter what the dominant species on Earth is.

Mind you, both of these do open questions about what happened in the timeline where Ruby was eaten by the Goblin King. Maybe targetting her after her birth left her temporally vulnerable? Or maybe it was a necessary event, to bring the Doctor to Ruby Road...

Add this to some other things we've seen this season:

In Space Babies, we're introduced to the concept of 'baby farms', allowing people to be loomed born without a parent.

We also know, at least, that Ruby registers as human to the TARDIS (though given Sutekh's influence, who knows how trustworthy that scan was now!).

In The Devil's Chord, Ruby is not erased by Maestro destroying humanity. Granted we can put this down to the Doctor/TARDIS, and how time travel effects people's biodata, but I think it could be a misdirect.

(Interestingly there was a very similar plotpoint in "City of the Daleks", the Eleventh Doctor adventure game, which saw the New Dalek Paradigm invading Earth in...1963. Unlike Ruby, Amy eventually actually does start to fade, needing a 'chronon blocker' to stabilise her. Hey remember how we just heard the word 'chronon' used a bunch in the show.)

In Boom, the Ambulance is entirely unable to find a next of kin for Ruby, despite seemingly having her in its records. This is a little hard to dissect, as you could take a lot of different interpretations away from it. At the very least, it suggests Ruby doesn't have any living descendents in the 51st century. Carla probably doesn't either (which makes sense with her not having any bio-kids, and Ruby seemingly being the only child she fully adopted rather than fostered?) But for its extensive records, it's notable it still couldn't find anyone after that, even presumably with access to Ruby's DNA like the genealogists had.

Everything in 73 Yards.

Between the snow falling in each episode, plus context in The Legend of Ruby Sunday, we know that Christmas Eve on Ruby Road, while fixed, is also uniquely vulnerable and 'raw'. With the woman's changing reactions to the Doctor, it's also flexible enough to change, somewhat.

Similarly, the possible connection between the woman who dropped Ruby off and the woman in 73 Yards, between her face not being visible and the CCTV camera being around 73 yards / 66.6 metres away. And if that woman really was Ruby, then maybe the parallels to All You Zombies may not be as insane as they sound.

[iriscasefiles]

Just under the wire for Pride Month, I've decided to publish a behind-the-scenes Patreon chat from about 3 years ago in which Kim (the resident Starship Iris science advisor, among other roles) and I discuss our respective experiences with asexuality.

Join us for an extremely 2021 conversation (were we ever so young?), about asexuality in fiction, asexuality in life, asexuality specifically in season two of Starship Iris, and American fruit history. Also, Kim has a novel proposal for fixing dating for some of us.

A few warnings:

This episode gets a little NSFW. Also, brief mention of alcohol abuse. 

A few notes:

Huge, the show I mention at the top of the episode, is not as fatphobic as it might sound. The protagonist is really against the whole concept of a weight loss camp and is trying to rebel. 

One thing we didn't get into is that ace representation in fiction podcasts is actually pretty great. Here's a partial list!

If you want to do some soul-searching about whether or not you could be on the spectrum of asexuality, here is a handy website! a thing to remember is that these labels are useful for ourselves only insofar as identifying with the label makes your life in some way clearer or easier. if you arguably fit the definition but you find the label is not personally productive for yourself, that is also okay!

I want to clarify that when I briefly complain about people on tumblr being negative about asexuality, I'm carping about a small number of people. Most tumblr users have been absolutely lovely to me, including about my orientation.

Happy pride to everyone everywhere on the asexuality spectrum, and to everyone outside the spectrum as well! Take care of yourselves, don't talk to cops, and embrace nuance in identities 🏳️‍🌈

[team7-headquarter]

Team 7 introductions are like:

Naruto: I want to obtain POWER so I can force people to look at me like an actual human being and not a monster, haha! They won't ignore me or isolate me anymore! They're gonna BEG ME and put their lives on my hands and— Oh and ramen. All the ramen. And maybe prove to everyone that they are dumb ass fuck for not believing in me? Yeah, prove them wrong, that's cool! And and and Iruka-sensei is cool! I'm so happy when someone does the bare minimum and respects my life and acknowledges the fact that I'm just a kid and that I'm suffering (one of) the craziest discrimination acts applied by our government Hokage...

Sakura: you know how the first real goal I got like the first thing I wanted for myself after years of being bullied and being nobody and wanting to disappear was the affection of this boy? Well, all these other girls think I don't stand a chance and that they'll get the boy, so I'm gonna win the boy and laugh at their faces. Does it mean that I need validation and affection and attention and love? Not, what are you saying, I have a perfect normal life and parents that are totally involved in my life and I am happy! So happy! I wouldn't know what sadness or loneliness is like! Never! I'm normal and totally nothing to worry about!

Sasuke: you'll find that the things you like in life are meaningless when you carry the trauma of being the sole survivor of a genocide committed by the brother you loved and adored. I want him dead which shouldn't be surprising given that we live in a society ruled by violence, right? I hate a lot of things because I'm painfully aware of how miserable our reality is. Since this is my trauma, no one else has the right to do something about it. They certainly didn't seemto have the balls to go after him, even when they call him criminal, so I'm gonna kill Itachi myself. Obsessed you said? Try enjoying life when you know someone can commit genocide and no one would give a fuck and the government won't do a thing. Try caring for others knowing they can get kill any day and you'll have to look the other way. I dare you to.

Kakashi: *most emotionally neglected adult in the village, abandoned as a kid, saw his father do the right thing and get so socially pressured he ended up commiting suicide and the government didn't give a shit, forced to become a perfect weapon at young age to show off the village strength, forced to become an elite assassin as a kid, people in the village widely making fun of his trauma and acting like he's just weird / peculiar and not on the verge of losing his mind for real, a champ at dissociation and a minute more away taking roots in front of the graves of his mistakes because he spent way too much time there in self-punishment, basically the most miserable jounin in the whole village*

Kakashi: hm, I won't let you get to know me or get close to me because everything I touch dies and I don't want to get attachments because you're soldiers and you might die and it doesn't matter that I have history with two of your families and that you all remind every single minute of the boy I watched die and the girl that I killed and the boy used to be. You will never know any of that. I am a whole man with a whole life that you'll never know because I am just your superior here and you must obey me in our missions. I'm definitely not hiding the fact that the village just failed me and set me up to be the one who failed you all in case you get killed or lose your shit once and for all.

[paragonrobits]

today's hot take; the general reason people giving for paying more attention to Zuko's character arc and presence in the fandom is usually something like 'its hard to relate to Aang because most people aren't monks, genocide survivors or fundamentally alone, while Zuko's history of family abuse and trying to appeal to a father that never cared for him is much more relatable', and that's honestly NOT a good thing to be saying as if it was a fact

the first point being is that this involves some really broad paint to look relatable at all. Zuko has suffered neglect, physical abuse and mutilation, and a great deal of emotional woes in his family. That is something many people share. However, the SPECIFICS of his life aren't particularly broad for a lot of people; not many people are princes, or heirs to dynastic power that informs their responsibility to the world, or have a complicated sibling relationship because they are competing for royal position, or were specifically in an honor duel that ended with them getting half their faces burned off with spiritual pyrokinetic martial arts powers.

This is, of course, splitting hairs. But that's sort of the thing; the metaphor and idea of Zuko being relatable breaks down if you analyze it too much, because all the details that define him as a character make him dramatically different from most real life people. it informs everything about him, and it seems that in order to take the really broad look that he's used ("Zuko is more relatable because abuse, family obligation and feelings of self-worth and shame are a big part of his character") honestly come off making his character feel... kind of nebulous. You have to focus to actually make his character significant, and removing any aspect of it loses a big part of his character. And that focus also makes him different from most viewers past the whole concept of them projecting onto him making any real sense.

And that's what it comes down to, projecting. And the thing about it is, people aren't any more like Zuko than they are like Aang. They're not royal children (presumably), they don't have firebending powers (again, also presumably), they're not heirs to a throne of dynasty power, and they're also not heirs to a throne of dynastic power in a setting where their destiny and obligation to a world scarred by their ancestors is not abstract at all. Projecting onto Zuko because you can feel some similarity to your own past of abuse is, when you get down to it, a matter of just emphasizing specific aspects of his character.

Aang is not really hard to identity with. He's a fun-loving trickster who wants to shake things up and save the world from itself, suffering under a great deal of loss, isolation and grief; these are many things that can be identified with, every bit as much as identifying with Zuko because of family situations or history of physical and emotional abuse or neglect.

Yes, he's a monk, and yes, he is an incarnation of the spirit of the world itself, with the power over all the spiritual elements and destined to right the wrongs of a world out of balance. This is not something most viewers have; a good majority of viewers are probably not Buddhist either, or schooled in it, and won't understand the attitudes that are important to understand Aang.

But the same thing also applies to Zuko; much as the principles of Buddhist morality and theology underpin Aang's character and the setting itself, Zuko's own situation is also laid out in the story, tied to it in the same way as Aang's character. Relating to either of them is perhaps not a good idea, so much as it is understanding their perspective, character arcs, and cognitive understanding of their feelings and role as characters for the narrative of the series.

I think relating to a character is honestly not the best thing; at its worst, it basically demands that characters conform to you, and ONLY you, with the implication that anyone else is unworthy to have any kind of perspective like that. It's better to understand a character on their own terms.

And in all honesty? Zuko's whole character is not really some pan-universal exemplar of suffering from duty and ancestral crimes. It's laid out through the story very clearly, and the same thing is true for Aang. His story and why it is significant is laid out through the series, its just a matter of listening to it and letting yourself resonate with it, even if its different.

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

Do you have any headcanons or anything of the sort regarding Precipice Moirai/PreMo? I'd like to hear what your thoughts are about them!

I don't think about Premo a ton (for people who are confused, this is Idia's favorite idol group), but here's how I personally picture them:

They're sisters.

They look youngish (or "ageless") but they're actually a bazillion years old. Don't ask them about how old they are or they'll give you that smile that doesn't fully reach their eyes.

Because they're so old, they've seen sooo much and are thus easily bored. They live for listening in on drama and scandals because those can get so absurd it provides some fleeting entertainment to them.

In interviews and talk shows, they drop very archaic, outdated jokes and have refined manners of speaking. It's an odd mix of how your grandma might talk combined with modern anachronisms (slang). It's very "how do you do, fellow kids" energy.

They get along in public, but they constantly bicker and act overly competitive in private (usually over borrowed items).

They came up with a really complicated and dark “anime-esque” backstory for how their group got together. No one knows if the backstory is really true or if it’s something their marketing team came up with as part of their “lore”.

In some interpretations, the Fates are specified as Clotho (who spins the threads of fate with her spindle), Lachesis (who measures the threads of fate using a measuring tape), and Atropos (who cuts the threads of fate using shears). In other interpretations, Clotho, Lachesis, and Atropos represent past, present, and future respectively.

I think of each girl as being representative of one place in time. For example, the Fate representative of the present may be a carefree party goer who wants to "live in the moment", without thinking much of the consequences (the future) or her previous mistakes (the past).

I see Premo banking on these themes as motifs or image items for the corresponding idol girl (so one represents the past with her spindle, one represents the present with her measuring tape, etc.). I also headcanon that the idols have their own merch and fandom hand signals which make reference to each Fate's respective task. For example, there may be scissors on a Premo T-shirt or a scissor-like hand shape or cutting motion made to signal that you stan "Atropos" of the Fates.

Eyes are a prominent motif and are more universally associated with the group as a whole rather than an individual member. (This is because the Fates were fighting over a single eyeball in Disney's Hercules.)

It’s implied that the girls wear black, but I headcanon that most of their outfits are monochromatic, save for like maybe a few colorful accessories.

It would be cool if they also incorporated elements of Japanese mythology into their group's theme. More specifically, I love the idea of the three girls wearing a red ribbon or some slash of red on their outfits each time they perform. This would be a reference to the "red thread of fate" which permeates many east Asian cultures. It is said that this "thread of fate" connects you to someone you are destined to meet someday, someone who will change your life in some significant way. Typically this means romantically (which would fit in the culture of Japan promoting idols as "pure" and "avaliable" to their fans), but it can also be interpreted platonically. I think this makes a lot of sense given that the Fates are marketed as "three girls bound by Fate".

They blend traditional dance and attire with modern practices. It's very important to them to retain their history and culture, as well as to share it with a new generation so that they are preserved for the future.

They partner up/collaborate with organizations and programs that seek to educate others about history, such as museums and restoration projects. Again, this is because Premo truly cares about preserving history and teaching it to others.

[the-delta-quadrant]

when did the gender reveal podcast go from just interviews with all kinds of trans people to constantly platforming people who are antitransmasculine and exorsexist? even tuck themself keeps leaning into the antitransmasculine exorsexist bit, despite him being nonbinary and transmasc.

like they had a binary trans woman on who kept going on rants about trans men and nonbinary people on her twitter. i can't remember her name for the life of me. but WHY would you platform someone who openly hates on other trans people? i know for a fact they wouldn't have invited buck angel who does the same shit because when a trans woman does it it's seen as "punching up".

then not that long ago tuck literally said that transmascs shouldn't talk about their oppression in front of trans women because "it might be annoying to them". oh no. how annoying to know that other people in your community are also oppressed.

and today he's platformed the worst person yet: a self-identified transsexual woman (probably binary and white, prove me wrong), who

thinks the word transgender is bad because it includes both men and women, and she doesn't want to be associated with "male privileged" trans men, and then she said "i'm including nonbinary people in that" because somehow we're men now who have binary and cis privilege

thinks "transgender" is a bad term because by being gender neutral it centres trans men (literally WHERE, trans men have historically been invisibilised and erased and actually thrown out of the community, most people who hear the term transgender picture a trans woman, not a trans man, or let alone a nonbinary person who of course is included in "men"

says all these baeddelist things and then in the last 5 minutes trying to denounce radical feminism by denouncing the terms TMA and TME (the only based thing she did, but it's hypocrisy)

thinks the term transgender is bad because it was created by multigender/genderfluid people who didn't medically transition in the 60s whom she sees as "not committing" because they "don't want to give up their privilege, something that's said about nonbinary people and/or trans people who don't medically transition all the time today, and she denounces the term transgender because why would she be associated with dirty nonbinary people who don't follow the same path she does? not to forget that transgender wasn't actually coined by those people, it was coined as a medical term and then adopted by them, but sure, write a history book while actually getting history wrong i guess, she'd also just call these people cis men despite them actually having said that they're both a man and a woman. of course you demonise and erase multigender people even in the past

thinks trans boys have an easier time transitioning than trans girls

as a medically transitioned, probably binary, trans woman talks as if she knows anything about the lives of nonbinary people, afab trans people as a whole & trans people who don't medically transition

thinks that "not transitioning" is becoming a more popular choice for trans people (??????? most trans people literally at least change their pronouns when they come out, unless of course you're talking about medical transition, in which case you're probably a truscum because social transition is transition)

acting like nonbinary transmascs are actually just trans men who don't want the responsibility of male privilege, something that tuck has also basically said before

using the terms transmasc and transfem interchangeably with trans men and women and of course with medical transition

acts like she cares about material realities but probably hasn't listened to more than one trans man, nonbinary person or non medically transitioning trans person because she's too busy speculating on what it's like for us (apparently we have male privilege while also basically being cis women)

just overall framing nonbinary as an inherently privileged identity, which is why there are less amab nonbinary people because all the afab male privileged people identify as nonbinary or whatever flawed logic (binary people shut up challenge, you can't be exorsexist towards amab multigender people by calling them cis men and then wonder why no amab nonbinary person comes out to you)

and the whole transmedicalist undertone of the show for a WHILE now that trans = medical transition, applying the term transsexual to all trans people, acting like being transsexual is a better way of being trans, acting like not wanting medical transition isn't valid; the only reason someone wouldn't medically transition is due to lack of access.

like holy shit what the fuck happened to this podcast.

the blatant exorsexism and antittansmasculinity doesn't become less hurtful and harmful when it's coming from and promoted by a nonbinary transmasc person.

[allwormdiet]

Extermination 8.3

Oh fucking boy

This isn't a really revelatory passage, it's just like. Even more reinforcement that Leviathan is a fucking beast. More dead, more downed.

Taylor the fact that you even bothered to show up is above and beyond what should ever be asked of you, you are fifteen for fuck's sake, staking your life against the defeat of a hateful animate Splash Mountain is not your fucking purview! You should be playing Minecraft or something!

"Sorry I wasn't traumatized in a way that lets me save your life" Hello??

I can't imagine Taylor gets to feel like a part of most communities, honestly. Also I'm not sure that the cape community is any kind of monolith, so whether she "fits in" with them all is kind of moot.

Byyyye, Iron Falcon.

That's such a funny thing to ask somebody, honestly.

And then this is a crazy hardcore thing to ask somebody. This arc does a lot to establish that Skitter is just straight up on another level when it comes to comfort on the battlefield compared to even veteran capes, girl will nearly get pulped by Neptune's fucking wrath and then wonder why other people died while she's still conscious

Oh, Taylor. I'm so sorry, he only gets worse the more layers you get into him.

Also. Okay so Gregor the Snail felt like a pretty sympathetic perspective on how fatphobia stings people, but the life and death of Chubster in the realm of this story... kinda sucks. Like oh no, he's too heavy for Skitter to save him, have to leave him to drown I guess. I'm not saying it's an impossible circumstance, it just feels crass to have it in.

Hey Flechette, keep up the good work girl

The thing I keep coming back to with the Endbringers is that. Okay. These things have been causing horrific damage, mass death, and world-changing devastation for decades, and they've never been killed, and only one cape has ever meaningfully made the things fuck off in the history of ever. They are considered to be the most likely cause of extinction for humanity. Every time it seems like they're winning, even in the short-term, it's just the setup for another knockdown. It's giving them hope just so the despair hits deeper. What are the odds that's on purpose? What are the odds that everything the Endbringers suffer except Scion is just play-acting for them? Selling the capes' moves like it's a wrestling match, even as they don't feel a goddamn thing.

What if it's all just a sick game to an alien god?

This is so cool and so, so fucking dire.

God that's dark

Sacrifice play. Some desperate attempt to redeem himself in the public view maybe? A genuine belief that he can make this stick? I dunno. It doesn't matter, unfortunately.

What a way to sell the fucking outrageous devastation that this monster unleashes in the span of. What, an hour? Less?

Also hey what good is all the missiles and lasers and forcefields if Leviathan is just gonna pick the whole PHQ up and smash it onto the shoreline

So many goddamn downed, it's crazy. And y'know, knowing the rest of the arc we know Tattletale's still standing but of course Skitter is fucked up over losing Tattletale, that's the last person she's got who's willing to extend a hand towards her.

Most powers are dead useless here let's be real

Hey, good job Eidolon

Fucking brave of y'all to be shooting Bakuda bombs anywhere in the same ZIP code as someone you care about, but also god it would be so cool if this had actually worked. Just fucking lock Leviathan down in time out for a hundred years or so, buy that much time? Shame it fails.

Well. I'm not gonna miss the fucking Nazis, but rip in peace Dauntless, we hardly knew ye.

Triumvirate member tagged out. Alexandria was already down for the count, wasn't she? Or she at least stopped showing up at some point, so now it's just Eidolon repping the Big Three

although I guess if you asked Eidolon he'd call it "just Big Me"

First dead kid out of the lot, I think, if we don't count Falcon dying off the battlefield. Sorry, Shielder. I think Leviathan knew you were strong enough to keep being a problem. Gotta be fucking awful for Laserdream though, watching your brother die violently in front of you is. I actually can't imagine, thank fuck.

And then Sundancer down but not out. Honestly if anyone was gonna have decent odds of doing damage I'd have given it to The Fucking Sun, but that doesn't do much for defense does it.

Fucking outrageously brutal, god.

Man. I didn't even think about the fact that this thing is silent the entire time. No Godzilla roars or shit the entire time, nothing except for the rush of water.

Clockblocker keeps coming in clutch to save the day against citywide threats... Someone please for the love of god stop putting these children in the line of fire.

Also interesting that Taylor might be the only one here whose first response is to get him out of the water, for all that he's been her enemy.

Clever.

Taylor can be really harshly judgmental at times but I'm gonna be real I'm with her on this one, Trickster what the actual fuck is your problem. Like good job I guess but what the hell.

Y'know, the fucked up thing is that Armsmaster actually isn't wrong here, and his plan could've worked if he was, uhh. Genuine about it.

Does everybody's ability to give a speech go down the fucking toilet when an Endbringer is within half a mile of them? Is that what it is?

Current Thoughts

Wildbow really fucking knows how to put a battle together. Our POV character isn't actually fighting through 95% of this entire arc (and maybe shouldn't have been fighting in that 5% but we'll get there) but you feel just totally surrounded by the death and devastation that's raining down on all sides.

Unfortunately, I think it's about time for Armsmaster's big reveal on how to lose an arm and a shitload of credibility in record timing.

[rius-cave]

I know quite a lot about prison life for someone who's never been to jail.

The best way to gain power in prison is, ironically, through making deals (like demons in hell). If you keep your word enough, you become known as someone reliable and trustworthy to those that used to have power outside (like mafia bosses).

So, in prison, the most powerful people are (a) The Store Man, (b) bookies, (c) anyone who has connections to the outside, or (d) scholars.

Luci could rise to power from being a scholar or an outside connection. Like someone who could help you get a lawyer to re-examine your case or help you study your own case (there is a surprising number of self-made lawyers who get their law education in prison).

MOST likely though, Luci could be a Store Man: someone who runs a small store in his cell and makes deals (like: for the price of three Ramen noodles, I could get you a pack of cigarettes, but you'll owe me four Ramen next time due to interest). They may seem harmless at first, but they know everyone's debts and will make the rest of your sentence hell if you don't pay up. Plus, they are untouchable because they've anchored themselves as a pillar of the community. They don't even have to hire bodyguards, because the whole prison knows that if anything happens to the Store Man, the small pleasures of the outside world (like candy or nerdy socks or even drugs) will be gone forever. And the amount of brains, business know-how, and client history they have are irreplaceable. Once you lose a Store Man, he's gone. I think he would be known throughout the prison as the guy that can get you a cool rubber duck. It's a little taste of home that you can't get anywhere else that just brings a little spark of joy in such a hopeless place, and all the inmates are absolutely feral for them.

I like the idea that Luci gains power in prison from just being a nice, helpful guy. (Apparently, nice guys do very, very well in prison, as long as they treat everyone with a certain level of kindness and respect. Kinda like what Charlie is trying to to accomplish with the Hotel.)

Holy shit. You have no idea how awesome this is, actually! I really wish I knew more about prisons now tbh LMAO but this actually helps a lot!

I definitely agree with your idea about this being the way that Lucifer gained power! So I think that, taking this into consideration, I think there's three main things that made people respect him and fear him

1: like you said, he is actually a pretty nice dude, he's kind and even tends to respect the most vulnerable in prison. I'd like to think that it's actually thanks to him that the rate of assaults in that prison are so somewhat low. He brings a certain order to the place, and is also in control of the whole "inside economy" so to speak.

2: He is rich, so he actually DOES have incredible power outside of prison. Charlie is able to visit him a lot because he has great lawyers. I'd imagine he is also able to hook up some people with lawyers and reduce their sentences a little bit.

3: he is actually REALLY strong, and maybe most of the inmates have never witnessed it with their own two eyes, and not a lot of people really know why everyone fears him, but there are rumors going around that Lucifer is there because he killed 10 people on his own, cold-blooded. This is of course, an exaggeration, he only killed 1 person and it was to protect his daughter, but it the rumor got out of his hands and he doesn't care to correct it. It is especially believable because of that one time Lucifer sent an inmate to the hospital for 6 months for having made a... Let's say, poor in taste comment about Charlie. Nobody saw that guy again.

Lastly, that one DEFINITELY sounds like Angel! We know Angel is hyper sexual, but he IS also part of a mafia family (which is why he's in prison) so he'd definitely have those kinds of tricks up his sleeve!

[vasito-de-leche]

Hello hello! I love your writing so much and was wondering if I could request some Sonnetto analysis and hcs about how she would act around an older sibling-like reader. Someone who looks out for her and is protective of her but has a bit of a mischief streak. I don’t want to make the ask too specific because I want to give you some freedom with it lol. Thank you so much!

;R1999 SONETTO - Familial Headcanons

Compilation of headcanons and analysis about Sonetto and an older sibling figure.

ty for the request! it's always fun to write familial or platonic dynamics! <3 and sonetto is always such a treat to study under a microscope

sorry if this was short! i ran out of steam and ideas at the end, ough

The subject of Sonetto and family is one of my favorites to discuss because it always highlights just how disconnected from humanity she is. Not in the sense of "oh, she's heartless and very cold and logical because of the Foundation" but in the sense of "oh, she's kind, but only in the limited way a child soldier from the Foundation can be."

I can't remember if I've already written about this, but as far as I know, Sonetto is the only main/playable character within the Foundation who doesn't have any themes of "community" nor mentions any actual family members.

Compare her to other characters: Vertin, who was explicitly one month old when she was taken into the School of Discipline, still has her mother and is aware of her. Matilda and Mesmer Jr. have their whole families. If we analyze these characters, a big part of their lives and personalities can be traced to their interactions and history with their families, and these are just examples within Sonetto's generation. Outside of this specific group we have Horropedia, who owes everything to his adoptive grandfather, and Tooth Fairy, whose relationship with her family - the Campbells - is explored in her own character event from 1.2.

We can keep going with characters adjacent to the Foundation! X has his orphanage, he mentions the people he grew up with and took care of him in a few voicelines. Medicine Pocket has their mother, as seen in their 01 Story. Lilya has her parents, mentioned in her birthday messages. Leilani, also from Zeno like Lilya, doesn't mention her family per se, but her entire character revolves around the concept of being welcoming and friendly, around the idea of community.

Sonetto's character and her entire life revolve exclusively around the Foundation. This is the only family she's had, and this is a detail that her Storybook brings up in her first paragraph.

Child of the Foundation Sonetto knows nothing about her background. Before she was adopted by the Foundation, she had neither family nor motivations. It was the Foundation that gave her everything. Now she is completely clear of her glorious mission: to devote her life to the peace and well-being of mankind.

The Foundation is her only family, it makes sense that Sonetto would go on to become the perfect arcanist and soldier by their standards.

With this ramble, I want to emphasize the fact that Sonetto doesn't have the same knowledge or context about the idea of "family" like the previously mentioned characters. We know that her relationships are one-sided, because of the way she cannot reciprocate something as simple as friendship in a way that is traditional.

The most obvious example being her initial relationship with Vertin. She clearly cares for Vertin now that they are older, but we don't know if this is because of her guilt - born from her involvement in the incident that turned Vertin into the Timekeeper and everything prior to it - but we do know that the two rarely interacted given Vertin's reaction at the beginning of the game. To this, we must add the way Sonetto is constantly compared to a dog: she's described as a puppy, endearing and honest in the way she eagerly follows those she cares for. But also a military dog, obedient and attentive. One can argue that the only way Sonetto knows how to love and show affection is through usefulness, because it is the one thing she was taught by the Foundation.

Yes, Sonetto is kind and helpful, and this is a double-edged sword: being useful is the priority. If she cannot be of use, she cannot be worthy of affection, she cannot justify her existence. And a few of her voice lines highlight this--the ones we hear when leveling up her Insight are very telling.

Raising a character's Insight level is described as Vertin helping them gain a better understanding of themselves and the world, hence the wording--"Insight." Notice how Sonetto's Insight voicelines all focus on how usefulness.

Hu... la ringrazio. I will make good use of this power.

This place has brought me so many things: freedom, fresh knowledge, brave friends. How can I ever repay you? I want to be of help to you at any time.

The first one is straightforward, but the implication is that Sonetto sees her own development, her own understanding of her own life and personality, as something that must be used accordingly--a power, an ability, something useful.

It's a huge contrast to her second voice line.

It's only through a lot of exposure, help and insight that Sonetto can recognize all these good things--freedom, fresh knowledge, brave friends. She still wants to be useful, but now with the full understanding of her surroundings and situation. This is why she defends Schneider so passionately during Chapter 05 - "El Oro de los Tigres." This is why her entire character revolves around her slowly finding her own footing outside of the Foundation's influence through Vertin and all these new experiences, as opposed to the sterile environment she's used to.

And we're just talking about how she treats her friends, and there is this barrier that keeps her from forming connections so easily the same way Vertin does. How would she treat someone that's like an older sibling, a mentor, a parental figure, when she's never had anything remotely similar in the first place?

I think it depends heavily on when exactly you meet Sonetto!

On one hand, if you meet her while she's attending the School of Discipline, then I imagine it would take a long time for her to warm up to you. She insists that your behaviour makes no sense, but she can't exactly stop you as you're not breaking any rules that she knows of. Part of her cannot understand why you would treat her like this, regardless of whether you're a few grades ahead of her or part of the School's staff, but you make her feel safe, despite this mischievous streak of yours.

I can't see her supporting or turning a blind eye to any of your shenanigans--a younger Sonetto will absolutely snitch on you if given the chance, unless you give her a VERY good reason not to. If you're too much of a troublemaker like Vertin, then she settles for trying to steer you into the right path with advice, knowing that you're absolutely not going to listen. I like to think this specific path would end up with Sonetto being your little annoyed little sister! Or rather, that she sees you as an endearing and embarrassing older sibling figure, constantly apologizing her coworkers and others for whatever you might do or say for her sake. Yes, you're an inconvenience at work, but she knows that you care for her very much. Everyone can tell at a single glance that the two of you are close, that your mannerisms end up rubbing off on her in subtle ways, that she finally emotes and feels like a real teenager instead of a child soldier when she's around you.

On the other hand, if you met her after she joins Vertin's team, she's much more mellow, more open to interacting with people who don't fit the Foundation's standards. Initially, she may assume that you look out for everyone, not just her, but it takes a considerably less amount of time for her to warm up to you. Thanks to all the new people she's met, it's easier to accept this sort of kindness and concern, and Sonetto's first instinct is to reciprocate it tenfold. Every little nice thing that you do or say, she will imitate it--if you help her braid or brush her hair, she will ask to do the same. If you make her favorite meal, she will do the same. Just like a puppy learning how to play with other puppies. If she sees you being up to no good, she's instantly confused--you're so caring and considerate, it's hard to wrap her mind around the idea of you getting into trouble on PURPOSE. She reluctantly tags along, just to make sure you have someone in your corner should you get caught.

Both paths would lead to some idealization from Sonetto's part. This is the first time she's felt like this--the concept of home has always been a quiet, empty and standard room within the Foundation's headquarters, but now, when she thinks of home, she thinks of you and Vertin, of a big, warm and noisy suitcase full of people. This is the first time she understands what family means.

Of course, she's torn between her duty and these new experiences, I think that there are times in which Sonetto feels guilty for choosing one over the other--sometimes, it's the realization that she will still prioritize the safety of mankind over a happy life with her friends, or realizing that her instincts still expose just how deep her indoctrination runs, how detached from a regular teenage girl she is.

And sometimes, it's the feeling of wanting to run away somewhere safe, somewhere with you and everyone else, when the stress of work gets to her. And what really affects Sonetto the most is knowing that you would never, ever make her choose, that you'll always be her big sibling, who teases her for days on end and who comforts her when she needs it.

This idealization manifests as the usual martyr behaviour that's been instilled in her. She cares for you, and so she will lay down her life for you if necessary--this is a feeling that defies all logic.

I do want to say that the aspect of idealization differ depending on which path we're discussing! The first one, the one in which you pretty much adopt her when she's very young, leans more towards a regular dynamic of a child idolizing their older sibling, someone who is very close to them. The second one leans more towards a fan idolizing a celebrity, a distant figure worth of admiration.

Because you've spent more time with Sonetto in this first path, I think that she would also be more open to being vulnerable since, you know, she's a literal child. Your presence and influence somewhat mitigates the damage her training will eventually do to her psyche and mentality, meaning that part of Sonetto is able to recognize that what's happening to her - what happens to every orphaned arcanist - is not okay. She can't fully explain why, other than it feels unfair, and so she turns to you. I think this would be one of the very few moments in which you will see Sonetto cry, in which Sonetto will internalize a very important thing: if she ever feels afraid, alone or scared, you're the only person she can go to.

This is a lot of text to say that she will die for you because you're the only person who accepts her, the best and worst parts of her. Whereas in the second path, she will die for you because she sees you as superior, as someone who deserves to live more than her.

Aside from this analysis, I do have a few cute headcanons!

Lots and lots of puppy behaviour. If left alone for long periods of time, Sonetto defaults to trailing after you. She just likes to orbit around you, which is great if you're overprotective. And if you happen to be busy, she simply trails after Vertin instead.

Sonetto doesn't show off when working, given how seriously she takes her role, but as soon as she's done with a mission, she will ask you to rate her performance. Partially, she does it because she genuinely cares about staying on top of her training and you're the one person who knows her the best, but it's also her way of asking for attention, I don't think she even realizes that she's seeking out validation lol. Please, feel free to pet her head or fret over her.

I think Sonetto has a lot of control, so she wouldn't slip and accidentally address you as her big sibling--but if someone else were to address you as such, she won't correct them.

Whenever Sonetto struggles with her art and poetry, she goes to you first and foremost. I do think that if you're the type to constantly hype her up regardless of what she's created, she will slowly stop showing you her work out of embarrassment and because she needs someone who can give her a proper critique.

The same way some of your gestures and expressions rub off on her, you WILL end up picking up some italian and some hand gestures from her. Everyone loves to point out whenever this happens.

Sonetto can pretty much take whenever others tease her about whatever--on one hand because she may not understand that they're teasing her, on the other because she's rather stoic in social situations. But when YOU do it and go a little too far, she WILL start a very heated rant about how inconsiderate you are why would you bring this up now can you please not talk about this it's not the appropriate time or place please do not talk about her relationship with Vertin it is so unprofessional what even is there to talk about do not bring up that one time she messed up and called the instructor mom please do not talk about her first few incantations PLEASE FOCUS ON THE JOB.

[mbti-notes]

Anon wrote: INFP, 25. Feeling pretty lost in life. After a long battle with mental illness (runs in the family, I'm surrounded by people that as of now don't want to go to therapy and keep reliving the same patterns, hurting everyone who hasn't gone through the process I've - THANK GOODNESS - gone through thanks to therapy and medication), I find myself unemployed, without friends, without money, still studying for my degree (I'm almost finished though) and for the first time seeing things so, so clearly.

I wasted most of my teenage years trying to understand what the fuck was going on in my head, battling anorexia, depression and social anxiety - and the latter still has a big impact on the way I speak to people since words don't come to my head, plus depression really wrecked my memory and it can take a whole 20 minutes for me to remember a specific name that I wanted to bring up in a conversation. I feel like I'm cooked.

I don't hate myself nor I feel like I have low self-esteem; actually, I really like who I am when given the time and emotional space to make my true self and inner creativity shine. I think I could give a lot to people but because of a general lack of understanding of common references cause I was detached from everything most of my life and I've missed them all, I tend to be perceived as cringe/weird/naive/childish and none of my conversations are surviving past the first week.

I'm really trying hard to develop my vocabulary, catching up with tv shows characters or even basic history references, but it feels like a huge toll of notions that I can't possibly internalize in such a short amount of time. These people dedicated years (consciously or not) to common knowledge, their family members had culture and raised them to be curious about the world - I'm only now waking up and looking at the world for the first time, with the intention of developing my social and verbal skills.

Basically I need to step up my life and I don't feel like it's working cause everyone can tell I'm so behind and I'm not up their standards - especially in my age range, and considering my economic state. Whenever they ask "what's your job" or "what's your favorite music genre" and I can't really give them an answer to either, I feel ashamed. I know it's not my fault, I had to survive violence and ignorance growing up and I was never given the time to discover who I am or to become a functioning member of society or even feel "safe" enough to try ANYTHING, so yeah, I do have self-compassion, I guess - but others seem like they don't, and I'm so slow when I speak, I'm so slow when I wanna come up with a joke and in a social setting everyone looks at each other like they think I'm stupid.

Is there any advice you can give me? I know I can make it. I am exactly like everyone else, I can develop the same abilities and have a good future. Am I right? Or is this just some lie I'm telling myself? Am I deluded? Will people always look down on me and avoid me altogether?

--------------------

I'm not in a position to tell you that you're lying to yourself; it's something you need to determine through honest self-reflection. There's nothing wrong with talking yourself up in order to motivate yourself to do better. It's also a good thing to try to focus more on the positive aspects of life, especially when you have a history of getting stuck in negativity or narrow-mindedness. This would certainly help you with Ne development, which should be an ongoing project.

As far as I can tell, the root of the problem you're describing isn't psychological but social. Not everything in life is under our control. In fact, studies have consistently revealed that people are far more influenced by their social environment than they care to admit. You don't get to choose which family you're born into. As a child, you have no say in which neighborhood, city, or country you live in. Yet, upbringing, community, and culture are three major factors that influence the trajectory of your life, everyone's life.

If you're unlucky, you grow up experiencing a painful mismatch of personality and environment. And it is down to luck. You shouldn't fault yourself for accidents of birth. And you also can't really fault the "environment" because it's not really a conscious entity that intentionally sets out to harm people. Although the social environment is created by the people comprising it, it's not within any given individual's power to change or control it. This is why, historically, you see people migrate far from home, in search of better environments with better opportunities.

You're young and, because of your upbringing, you didn't really get a chance to participate properly in the world. This means you haven't really experienced firsthand just how big the world can be. There is such a diversity of people, places, and culture in the world, which I take to mean that there's a place for every person. Somewhere in the world, there's a place that will allow you to be your true self. Somewhere in the world, there's a place that will help bring out the best in you and allow you to contribute the best of yourself.

However, that place may or may not be where you were born and raised. When you feel like you don't fit in despite all your best efforts, it might help to ask whether this is really the place you're meant to be and the people you're meant to be associated with...

I've known a lot of immigrants in my lifetime, so I have taken part in many complicated discussions about how to fit in, culturally. Some people find it easier to pick up mainstream culture as they go, looking up references and remembering them as necessary. Some people like to be more prepared and put effort into studying cultural history. I've had a lot of people ask me for help getting to know western culture's most important artists, writers, books, musicians, songs, movies, and tv shows by decade.

It used to be easier to learn cultural knowledge when media was more centralized. Nowadays, people are more siloed, ironically because of social media. Subcultures abound, appearing and disappearing with short-lived social media trends. In today's chaotic media landscape, trying to keep up with the latest cultural trends isn't really worth the energy anymore because collective memory has become so short. What's the point of remembering a meme or viral event when most people will have forgotten it a month later?

What is one to do when faced with this kind of information overload? There are two helpful strategies that go together:

(1) Narrow Your Focus

One reason people are so interested in cultural knowledge is because culture is an important avenue of self-discovery. Have you ever noticed that when they put together a boy/girl band, they find four or five guys/gals with very different and distinct personalities? They're hoping to ensure that teenage listeners will find at least one band member to relate to on a deeper level. It's a way to cover all the bases and maximize the chances of turning someone into a fan. While it sounds like a cynical and calculated ploy, it's actually an important way for teenagers to learn more about their own likes/dislikes, in contrast to others.

One could argue that the reason we have so many genres in music, movies, tv shows, and literature is because of the diversity of human beings. We're all born with a personality that we express in our own unique way, which means we all have a propensity to like and dislike certain things. As much as I've tried to get into death metal, I just can't seem to resonate with it. And there's nothing wrong with that, as long as I'm not out there trying to stop other people from appreciating it. We are all entitled to our personal tastes.

You're hoping that by learning more cultural knowledge, some of those factoids will eventually pay off during a social interaction. But what are the odds that they will? Pretty low because it's too random. Is it really worth the energy spent in remembering all that information only for a small portion of it to come in handy at some random time in the future? Sure, there are people who have a head for remembering trivia, but if you're not one of them, it quickly becomes a waste of energy that could be better spent elsewhere.

But wastefulness aside, cramming yourself full of factoids isn't a good strategy for two reasons. Firstly, when learning is motivated solely by a desire to obtain external rewards (e.g. approval or money), people don't tend to achieve true mastery or genuine appreciation of the subject matter. In other words, it's a shallow way of learning that doesn't help memory retention, as you're finding out. Secondly, doing something just to impress others is basically contorting yourself to conform with other people's expectations. This doesn't help you learn about yourself, quite the opposite, it takes you farther and farther away from yourself, which is why it doesn't feel right.

While we often associate identity formation with adolescence, the fact is that learning about who you really are is a lifelong task. Thus, the question isn't about when you started (early or late), it's more about whether you're using a good approach that actually gets you incrementally closer to the truth of who you really are.

If participation in culture is an important pathway for learning about oneself, what you should be doing is exploring different aspects of culture to learn about potential likes, dislikes, interests, and hobbies. For example, you're not going to know whether you like horror movies until you watch a few. But once you've watched a representative sample of the genre and realize you don't like it, let it go and move onto something else.

It's almost as though you believe you have to know everything so that you can relate to anyone. I don't think this is a good or efficient socializing strategy, unless you love researching and have a great memory. You need to accept the fact that you're not going to be friends with everyone. It's okay that you're more compatible with some people more than others.

To improve your chances of social success, you have to know what you're looking for and how to find it. When you go fishing, you don't just throw a hook in the water and hope for the best, right? You have to use the right kind of bait. In the context of relationships, "bait" refers to the things that attract people to each other. One of the best and fastest ways of connecting with people is through common interests. However, this pathway won't be available to you as long as your interests aren't genuine or you haven't developed them properly.

(2) Prioritize Quality (Over Quantity)

One reason people feel easily inundated with too much information is lack of critical thinking skills. Critical thinking helps you sort through information and evaluate its quality. It's like learning how to quickly spot the rare diamonds amongst the pile of cheap shiny jewels. This also helps with the first point of narrowing your focus.

When you have a better idea of what you like or find intriguing, you open up opportunities to dig deeper and nurture a more sophisticated appreciation of the subject, to refine your tastes. A like/interest (feeling) can be transformed into an edifying intellectual pursuit (skill). But this can only happen if you value learning for its growth potential and not just for the social approval it might bring.

You seem a bit too concerned with how people judge you as a "weirdo". It could be the case that you've met some nasty people. But it could also be the case that you're projecting because you low-key feel ashamed of being "behind" in your development.

There's nothing wrong with being ignorant when it happens through no fault of your own. Nobody comes out of the womb knowing everything and we don't all have equal opportunity to learn what we need to know. It's pointless and illogical to compare yourself to others when you didn't begin life at the same starting line. And being human means having blind spots. Ignorance only becomes problematic when it is willful, that is, a person denies their ignorance and refuses to remedy it with proper learning. Given your motivation to learn, it's clear that you're not stuck in a state of willful ignorance, so there is nothing to feel ashamed about.

On occasion, people come to me asking about a psychology book they've read, only for me to break the bad news to them that it's a terrible book, full of misinformation. Should they then walk away and give up out of embarrassment? I sure hope not. I hope that they would learn to choose their learning resources more carefully.

The trouble with being a newbie is that you don't yet know enough to separate out the good stuff from the junk. To counter this, instead of becoming too reliant on one resource, communicate with a wide variety of people who seem to exhibit more knowledge than you. Eventually, you'll get a better feel for the quality of the knowledge. For example, if most experts are in general agreement, then you've probably stumbled upon trustworthy information. But when nobody can seem to agree on what the "truth" is, then be more careful.

Following from that, instead of slinking away in shame when you're caught not knowing something that seemingly "everybody should know", why not just be honest about not having had the chance to learn and welcome the person to enlighten you? Allow yourself to be humbly schooled. I can't tell you the amount of useful information I've picked up by simply letting people go on and on about their passions and interests.

Doing this could also take a lot of pressure off you, in terms of having the opportunity to: 1) sit back, relax, and listen, 2) learn and absorb information in a more natural setting, and 3) get some valuable tips about which direction to take your learning and where to find quality sources of information to speed up your learning. You might even get inspired to pursue something new and interesting.

The concept of "quality" also applies to people. Every person is a mixture of positive and negative qualities, but some people exhibit more of their negative qualities. When you meet people like that, it is fine to feel repelled and get away from them. But don't then overreact and overgeneralize and believe that everyone is bad.

If the people you're interacting with are truly judgmental jerks, it's better to find out sooner so that you don't end up in a toxic relationship. You truly like yourself? Then wear it proudly. Be open, authentic, and transparent about who you are and the struggles you've been through. Observe how willing people are to accept all of you. This should help you quickly separate out the good from the bad eggs. A good person should be:

empathetic and compassionate

willing to give you the benefit of the doubt

inclined to see and acknowledge the good in you

curious rather than judgmental

sensitive and accommodating, within reason

Every place has its good and bad people, and meeting new people is luck of the draw. When you meet bad people, there's no need to waste time with blame or anger. It's their problem, not yours. Simply walk away and keep looking for good people. And if your social environment isn't overflowing with your kind of people, you might have to migrate to a new and better environment.

Generally speaking, the process of improving yourself and your life goes a lot more smoothly when you know how to tune out noise and keep focused on your main goals.