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hamphobicbasil · 3 years ago

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Could u elaborate about the dsmp story being bad? Not a rabid/brain dead fan, just genuinely curious and I enjoy reading people's rants lolol

oh you dont know the floodgates you just opened

a few things:

1. despite not liking the creators of the dsmp anymore, I don't actually hate most of them. [the ones that are particularly unsavory fall outside of this of course] so all that I'm saying i truly mean in a critical sense towards the story, its also just all purely my opinion as someone who enjoys fictional and fantasy stories and who like criticizing works to see what it does well and what it doesn't do well

2. for clarification I'm going to use the c![name] to indicate when I'm talking about the characters. Don't get me wrong, I think its annoying too but its the only way I'm gonna be able to write this thing without getting something across the wrong way yknow?

3. I stopped watching the streams after November 16th, [save for one Techno one but I closed out after a particularly bad story beat lol] and so all information coming afterward is all second hand from either me seeing people on twt talk abt it or people dming me. All i really know is up to dream's imprisonment and some stuff past that.

4. This is mostly aimed towards the "main" story, so stuff abt the badlands, eggpire, and whatnot are briefly mentioned.

anyways uh, i'll try to be brief but also include enough information to get why i feel the way i do on some stuff across

A. Performances Alright obviously these people are all streamers, so obviously they might not be the best actors, and hell no one is even asking that of them. However, when you're telling a story that's based on the audio with the visuals kinda coming to a second, it's gotta be pretty strong. I will say, some of the best actors in my opinion are Wilbur, Tommy, and Tubbo. I would include Ranboo but I never watched any of his story bits or story streams so I can't say much. Wilbur and Tommy are excellent in selling their character's emotions and feelings, when I watch the stream I don't feel like I'm watching an rp but an actual thought-out story yknow? And one of my favorite Tubbo examples was in the Hog Hunt video whenever Techno attacked him, he sounded genuinely afraid and I believed everything his character was feeling.

However, unfortunately, not everyone is gonna be that good. And I'm gonna say it; Dream and Techno have to be the worst out of the entire cast. I understand Techno's whole character is this monotoned badass, however, when really emotional moments hit I feel like he never lets that fall, and a lot of intense moments just ring hollow. And I'm sorry but Dream's attempts at being intimidating leave me laughing whenever I watch them. It feels like he watched that one scene from The Marriage with Adam Driver and Scarlett Johannson and said "Oh this is what good acting looks like! Just yelling." His whole "I don't give a FUCK about Spirit!" speech isn't as great as people keep making it out to be. And whenever he tries to act coy when being a villain it feels like a guy reading the script for the first time, a bit like he's trying too hard. I have more problems with his character but his portrayal certainly doesn't help.

Everyone else is fine, and I don't feel strongly either way about a lot of them.

B. The "Lore" Okay first off, I can't be the only one who thinks it's silly that people are calling the dsmp's story "lore" when it's not, it's the fucking story. Lore indicates backstory to either the world or the characters, which a lot of the streams don't really pertain to. This is a really petty section but god it's a weird pet peeve of mine.

Other than the misusage of "lore" vs "story", the actual lore and world-building of the world are so lackluster that new elements can be introduced whenever and it often feels cluttered or not well thought out at all. And here's the thing, I feel like if the writers sat down just for a few minutes to establish world rules and general history, a lot of this could be solved! but so much is made up on the spot that it starts to feel like they're grabbing at straws to keep people invested, trying to reach that next high and intense story beat without actually earning it.

C. The Egg / Eggpire This is a pretty minor note since I was only invested in the Egg storyline for a little bit, but god it's so underused that it's almost embarrassing. Bad has provided this super interesting antagonistic force that's infecting the SMP, can control people, and who one of our main character is immune to, and it's just never used or even talked about again? Now I understand if he wanted to keep it to a side storyline only, however, to introduce this borderline eldritch creature and force within the world and then never have it dealt with is so weird.

D. The Writing Oh boy this is. kinda a big one. Now I'm not gonna lie, it's pretty obvious I have a bias for the Wilbur writing over the current team [that consisting of Dream, Quackity, and Tommy mostly]. I don't this his writing is perfect by any means, the characters constantly bringing up traitors got obnoxious after a while, and writing Hamilton but in Minecraft really isn't the modern Shakespeare or anything. However, I think his exploration of characters and plot progression was a lot more thought out and well planned, like he actually had two brain cells behind the story yknow? The current team I think fails to be as emotional or even impactful, things happened too fast and my god was everything drowned in angst for so long.

Don't get me wrong, you gotta have your characters face hardships to make them reach their goal believable, but some of the shit they put the characters through just felt like too much. From c!Tubbo's constant comparison to c!Schlatt [who btw, fucking ordered his death and kept him from his friends in a nation he felt trapped in] and on a side note, i kinda really fucking dislike the "c!Schlatt dad!!" au's or the au's where c!Tubbo inherits some of Schlatt's features, it would be like c!Tommy getting a c!Dream mask after his exile, it's feels so weird yet people eat that shit up for some reason.

But god, did c!Tommy get the brunt of it all and in retrospect after his final death, it kinda feels really fucking gross. Now obviously, I'm not trusting any of these people to write decent mental health representation, but c!Tommy's PTSD and how it was explored was just degrading. [Specifically the scene in that one Techno stream where he saw the final control room from the first war, and had a flashback / panic attack where he started calling out for c!Dream. I understand this is an actual thing people with PTSD will experience, but it felt so fucking stereotypical it got on my nerves. I actually had to close out of the stream because it made me feel sick, fiction shouldn't leave you feeling that way.] And don't get me started on how they basically reused the formula from the previous arc. [Problem introduced -> Tensions rise as things start to fall apart -> Big confrontation -> Exile -> Return from Exile -> Blowing up L'Manberg, again.]

And speaking of characters-

E. Character Arcs, or the lack of them In my genuine opinion, some of these characters' arcs are so disappointing. Especially c!Tommy's. I'm not one to believe that he was a "selfish" character or anything, however, his goals were simply set on his discs and maybe c!Tubbo, he didn't have much outside that. However, L'Manberg gave him something to care about, he gave up his discs for it and he fought for it tooth and nail, I think it taught him to open up to others and trust more. It was a great character arc for him to have, seeing him still fight even after his first exile alongside c!Wilbur, to return safely to the nation that he and his found family had built.

But then his second exile happened, and I feel like all of that was undone.

c!Tommy's exile genuinely pisses me off for so many reasons. It's not that characters can't have their low points after reaching a major change or feeling like they've "completed" their arcs or anything, but it's more of the fact that it seems like he's never going to heal that feels like a spit in the face, especially to people who might have had setbacks like that before. Progress isn't linear, sometimes things happen and you get knocked back down, it can take a while to get back up, but I don't think c!Tommy's character is ever going to be allowed to get back up. From c!Dream, who pretty much was a constant abuser in his life, killing him then reviving him, and his still fractured relationship with c!Tubbo, which by the way I have a had time believing they would still be friends after all that happened, it feels like he can never get a win and it's generally kinda a shit way to treat your characters who have been abused. Of course, not all abused characters are going to get happy endings, I'm not trying to dictate that they all should, but c!Tommy deserves one and the fact that it's so obscure feels shitty.

Side note: we still don't have a canon reason to give a shit abt the discs. Like I'm sorry but without some sorta connection to the MacGuffin why should we give a shit about him getting them other than "he wants them lol". Like hell, I would even accept the classic "they were the last gifts from his parents" or something, but we still don't have a reason.

c!Tubbo also lacks a fulfilling arc as well, from someone who started out as a yes man, he has progressed a bit into having his own interests first, but besides that sometimes his character makes me so. depressed. He's easily one of the most pushed around and hated characters within the story, all for being a kid who didn't know what to do and he's in the same vein as c!Tommy; these kids can't get a break. Also, his anti-violence beliefs morphing into the "lets kill c!Techno lol!" bit was so out of place and without proper build-up it was like. what. And now he's building nukes?? god c!Tubbo makes me so sad because he's kicked around constantly and never given a chance to grow.

Another small note, I also don't really enjoy c!Techno at all. Besides the previously stated reasons of lack of emotions when they're really needed, I find his character to be weirdly pretentious. He talks as if he's constantly been betrayed and hurt but I personally, don't see it? Like, I think one of the main examples was the Pogtopia vs. Manberg war, yknow he wanted to end the government but they just reinstated it after they won = c!Techno upset. But this doesn't make sense to me because why did he think otherwise? The entire time c!Tommy had talked about taking back their nation and starting again, so the fact that c!Techno suddenly thought there would be a sudden change is, to put it bluntly, kinda fucking stupid. I don't want to say that he "plays the victim" or anything because that feels a bit harsh, but his character feels so far up his own ass that I can't enjoy him.

I have a major grip with c!Dream as well, but that's getting it's own fucking section.

F. L'Manberg This is a quick note before we get into the, forgive me for this, endgame, of this entire rant, since the next two sections are tied together. But god, L'Manberg makes me upset because it feels like they gave up on it.

Don't get me wrong, I understand that it is supposed to be c!Wilbur's "unfinished symphony", the thing that destroyed a once charismatic and widely loved man, his attempt at power that utterly ruined him. But the fact that it just got blown up in the end after everything and left to rot felt like such a waste of time. From the first war, to Pogtopia, to even c!Tommy's exile, it all felt fucking worthless in the end, and the story is actively closer to how it was when it started now more than ever. I wished it was actually allowed to exist and continue to be a peaceful place in what is a chaotic world, but no it was just snuffed out because why dedicate to this concept of finding others you can band together with and feel safe. fuck that noise apparently?

G. The Villains Now villain-wise, I'm only talking about c!Dream [during the first war], c!Schlatt, and c!Wilbur. And believe it or not, this is actually mostly positive.

Now I'm not gonna lie, c!Dream as a staring antagonist wasn't bad actually, he posed a genuine and threatening opposition to L'Manberg, even if we didn't know his real intentions or motivations as to why he was against it. He's lucky in this sense because he didn't have to be good, he had to be passable. If anything, he felt more like an anti-hero than a tyrant or traditional villain, and my god do I wish he kept this theme going forward.

Now quick disclaimer, I don't like JSchlatt as much as the next guy, he's an adult man who should know better than to joke about some sensitive topics and act the way that he does. But the one thing I'll ever give him is that damn, was he a good actor for his character.

Now here's the thing, c!Schlatt wasn't particularly deep at all. He had no real motivations behind his exile of c!Wilbur and c!Tommy other than getting competition out of the way, had no reason to act the way that he did and yknow? that's fine. The reason why he worked was from his performance alone, he was actually intimidating. When he came onto the stream and was doing his typical bad guy stuff, it was actually intense to see what he would do. Whenever he would almost catch c!Tommy back in Manberg, whenever he would begin to pressure c!Tubbo, it put you on the edge of your seat and it felt like everything would change at the drop of a pen. He's a villain to be a villain, and this works out because he's just charismatic and well put together enough to make it interesting, even without the backstory or motives.

c!Wilbur however, is much more tragic, and the best villain of the story. He essentially was the "mentor turned evil" trope and it felt terrible watching him descend into madness, unable to trust barely anyone except for c!Techno and c!Tommy. Hell, in the end I think he still cared about them both, despite losing everything. Sure, he blew up L'Manberg, but there was still a smidge of the old c!Wilbur in there made everything he did feel melancholic. His death at the hands of his father after achieving his final wish was chilling, and something I still think about.

Until yknow, Ghostbur came back way too soon to let people feel his loss as a character within that world. And then he got revived, pretty much-undoing everything that moment meant for his character lol.

And then there's the worst one:

H. Dream. I'm going to be completely honest, c!Dream is one of the main reasons why I dislike the current dsmp stuff so much. Outside of his actions as a person, the way Dream decided to write his character as this overpowered madman of the dsmp really just. destroyed any intrigue that he could've had. Perhaps this is from my growing dislike towards him, manifesting into a bias towards his character, but god I cannot fathom why people try to insist he's interesting when he has as much depth as a fucking puddle.

And here's the thing, I'm not even entirely against c!Dream being a villain, hell I think he would've been great as an anti-hero if anything. Make him sympathetic but not through c!George to get your precious "DNF" points or anything, but show him actually caring about the people within the dsmp, including c!Tommy and c!Tubbo. This would make his rival status with them just a bit more complicated, sure they're enemies, however, he doesn't want to hurt or kill them, and there's still a level of friendship there that keeps them bonded when things get super bad. This could've been super interesting to see, the first villain of the story receiving a sorta redemption arc then descending into madness as he started to fixate on being a god. This is all how I feel personally, but god do I feel like it would've been better than his current character, and hell would've worked with how he was during the Pogtopia arc, before the war that is. I'm not trying to tell Dream how to write his own character, but there are so many other ways he could've done the madman seeking to become god rather then. whatever the hell we got.

Because instead, we got this power-mad asshole who does things... because he can? And that's one of my major issues: he tries to surround his character in mystery to make him "intriguing" but it's kinda like c!Techno, it comes off as pretentious. Not only that, but you cannot keep waving around this mystery of a backstory without ever actually revealing it. I know the story isn't over, but c!Dream is effectively at his lowest point, now would be the time to reveal his backstory. But no just keep it in the dark and keep everyone guessing, that's totally fun and not at all tiring and annoying. (sarcasm, if anyone needs it)

And back to his performance, he doesn't sell this aloof, cynical and strategic warrior that has perfected the blade or some shit, he comes off as some angry guy yelling on reddit. which i don't need to tell you, isn't intimidating. It feels like he's trying to have c!Schlatt's intimidation combined with c!Wilbur's depth, but instead he's like a little brother who's trying to hard to mimic his older brother and is kinda embarrassing himself.

but other then that i dont feel too strongly abt the dsmp lol

but seriously, these are the main complaints I have abt the story tbh, I could probably talk about more but I wont because man. this is probably gonna get me in trouble if any of the hyper-dsmp fans actually read it.

#wow this is long #txt #anti dsmp #anti dream #dsmp crit #dsmp critical #yeah im tagging it i dont give a shit #dream crit #dream critical #the story is shit yo!

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soyouareandrewdobson · 4 years ago

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…the ugly. SYAC: The Master Review 4

Last post I covered much of what I consider the good or passable strips of SYAC of the pre-Dobbear era. What I have admittedly not covered yet, were three certain characters of the strip that exist beside Dobson.

Persistent Pam

Curmudgeonly Carl

And… this guy I am not even sure has a name.

No, seriously. He shows up in like the 61th strip of the series for the first time and yet I never see his name mentioned once

All I know is that he is an accountant, who pities Dobson (for good reason)

And despite Dobson not liking alcohol, they regularly meet up in a bar as if they are some late 80s comedy duo

Funnily enough, he shows up way before Pam, who would have her premiere in these strips

And despite only showing up in a few strips after her premiere (mostly to make “fun” of overbearing and snarky commissioners I suppose…)

She actually managed something no other character or series by Dobson managed to get: A fanclub

Not that she would really be of any major importance afterwards.

As for Carl, he is supposed to be something like an antagonistic embodiment of Dobson’s “old” art teachers and people being stuck in old ways, who shows up for the following strips forming a sort of arc.

In addition, it is very obvious, that Carl is supposed to be a mockery of people flaming Dobson. Not helped by the fact that THIS character sheet of him made by Dobson assures us, that there were quite a few even less “endorsing” things he wanted to name the character.

Yet funnily enough, Carl turned into such a popular character with readers, Dobson was essentially “forced” to make him reappear in other strips. Not of the “classical” SYAC strips, but he showed up as the “antagonist” to Tenku in the storydriven multi pagers. Though even antagonist is a strong word, as he is essentially more of a jerkish art teacher and college advisor who is harsh on Tenku, but actually has his best interests in mind. To the point he even offers him to be his “harsher” art critic in the years till he enters college, because he wants to see him grow artistically.

However, Carl was also more of an “accident”. Cause when it came otherwise to tackling criticism or things that irked Dobson (and were not anime related) he would end up more or less creating strips that painted him in a manner where he would supposedly always look like “the better” compared to his opposition or mock it. Which is where a lot of the irk Dobson would earn over the years eventually comes from.

Now to be fair, I do not want to call every comic in that regard “strawmanning”, nor do I want to say that Dobson doesn’t have the right to also mock to a certain extend the mentality of certain “snobs” and so on. For example…

On one hand, I know there are people out there who think they are “special” by having the best tools at their disposal. When in reality you can achieve good results also with less expensive stuff. So mocking that sort of attitude is fine to me to some extend

BUT, when you also make down the line a comic like this…

… essentially making yourself come off as a “better” artist or person than others because you have “chosen” the better mass produced crap (btw, that is coming from someone who types this review on a Mac that runs Windows) , then the hypocrisy ends up to be rather strong with you.

Which is also essentially the biggest issue with the strips I am about to show. The hypocrisy of Andrew Dobson. And no, I do not mean the tumblr blog by that. I mean the simple fact, that the content of some of the soon to follow strips gets kinda muddled when you take into consideration some of the things real life Dobson had said and done either at the time or in the years to come. Well that and the way how he tries to mock issues people have with his work, not realizing how he is essentially just reassuring those “silly critics” in their opinions while making his flaws more obvious to people that may have been previously unaware of them.

But enough talk, let me just show you in quick succession examples to confirm said point.

Considering Dobson’s longterm disdain for DnD you have to wonder what the joke really is outside of him portraying DnD players as ugly nerds, supposedly too geeky even for him. Which is hilarious in hindsight as he would years later become a fan of TAZ among other things.

Less hypocritical but the set up is kinda flawed. Like, you are obviously at a convention trying to sell stuff. Why would some old dude not interested in “kids crap” be at the convention anyway? Is he just bringing someone there and just wants to go, but first needs time to belittle your life choices?

Rather hilarious in hindsight to me. Cause for someone claiming he has ideas that last for a life time and who seems rather distraught on the idea of others giving their input, he turned out to be so in need of ideas. Alex ze Pirate e.g. became from 2015 onward only defined by Dobson talking about the sexualities of his characters (and not even in comic as by that point it was discontinued, but rather in tweets and so on). Formera, which ran heavily on cheap shonen anime tropes ended up cancelled after two volumes, Cabin Rest was a failure after 20 strips, 2019 he relied primarily on cheap comics about Miraculous Ladybug and his understanding of certain genres is so bad, he can’t even think up the most basic ideas for a magical girl story.

Weirdly enough, that pitch of a garbage truck driver who fights crime? I think that could make for an enjoyable short story about a vigilante a la the Punisher or Sin-City.

The way Dobson perceives criticism, while also essentially giving a quick rundown how he appreciated criticism in his childhood way better than in adulthood. Yeah, because criticism by your parents as a kid was always VERY constructive. (looks back at certain drawings from own childhood) brrr. And sorry Dobson, but sometimes criticism by strangers is better than criticism from friends. Cause friends may mince their words. Plus people have over time given you quite some insightful criticism aside “U SUX” when it comes to comics. You were just never willing to listen

Hey Dobson, you hear that? That is the sound of your career, dying and no one caring.

Yeah, I think someone who made such “brilliant” comedy as in these comics, totally has the right not to listen to what seems to be solid theoretical advice.

BTW, that Talus comic… I swear to god the worst “joke” Dobson ever told.

Wow. You essentially make a point why you suck at drawing. While still not trying to change.

And as someone else once said: Don’t play with fire if you can’t deal with the heat, BLOCK-son!

This is not how I perceived your shit over the years. See, on one hand it is true that Alex ze Pirate e.g. has its own webpage to read the comic for free. HOWEVER most of his comics Dobson would hide from the start behind a paywall. The idea being that he would e.g. put a small reading sample of 10-15 pages up somewhere and then expect people to buy his comic for full price to get the rest. And you know, if you are e.g. a professionally published writer, that is fine. But when your average art output looks like THIS

And you expect people to pay more than 10 dollars for something that is only around 70 pages long while most people can get 200+ pages for the same amount of money that look like this…

You can frankly go and screw yourself.

On one hand I get that the joke is meant to be, that as an independent content creator you may find yourself in a weird spot where your “child friendly” work may be put in a palace between edgier stuff other creators sell at conventions. On the other hand, I find it rather insulting in hindsight, that self declared feminist Andrew Dobson portrays such competition as either psychopathic murderers or stereotypical cartoon bimbos. If modern day Dobson saw the same strip by any other person, he would be insulted on behalf of the female that she is portrayed as a bimbo, when she could also be a very smart and attractive woman who knows how to tell brave and sexy stories.

Also, I have read your “child friendly” stuff, Dobson. I would call Atea or Alex abusive bitches who like to bully orphans but child friendly? Not to forget that your work is so basic and shallow in depth, it’s like the someone tried to create a chimera out of some of the worst traits associated with Dora the Explorer, 80s toodler cartoons and the Fairly Oddparents.

I frankly hate this theory on comedy. It is true, a lot of comedy can be deprived from conflict, misunderstandings etc. Looney Tunes, Tom and Jerry and other cartoons as well as screwball comedies such as Rat Race can depend on it. Heck, one of my favorite comedians of all time is Christopher Titus, who based his entire career on the misery and absurdity of his life.

But comedy is not just defined by misery and conflict.

There are for example also the following theories when it comes to comedy…

And to get back e.g. to Titus, yes, he has build a lot of his comedy on the bad stuff that happened in his life. But he is also someone who in his comedy has build a lot of punchlines on the absurdity of certain situations he has been in life but which in a way have enriched his life positively.

What I am trying to say is, comedy (and entertainment in that regard) does not just have to be defined by misery. And all things considered Dobson, you could have really tried to also just make comics wherein either you or your characters are just happy with their situation in life.

For example, this page from an Owl House fancomic?

I think it holds more entertainment value than your “joke” right here, despite not even telling a joke.

Simply because as a page overall, it tries to convey a positive emotion. Which is more than I can say about the strip.

Because of a lack of different level of thickness regarding your lines, which would trick people into perceiving depth, the fact that the fill bucket and shade layers can only do so much to cover for the rather monochromatic dull nature of your comic, the fact that your characters are not really all that complex and look rather simplicstic even compared to stuff from a comic like this…

And that is just coming from the top of my head as someone who never studied art. If any reader has something to add, I am willing to listen

And considering you could in later years never keep up to any release schedule, which among other things resulted in only three SYAC strips in total being released in 2016, I say go fuck yourself. Not to forget that even some of the worst newspaper comic strips out there tend to actually find a decent following and good jokes eventually, otherwise they would not manage to stay popular for years, if not even decades.

As someone who has worked internships a lot in life, I just want to say fuck you in all our names. Glad to see you having just as much respect for interns than any other scumbag on the planet. Probably even less respect, cause you know, in some places interns tend to get paid.

Also, there is supposedly an entire real world story going on about Dobson having worked at his former university at the time the comic came out and Chaz is based on a fellow intern.

Things are unfortunately rather vague in that regard and only hold up by demonstrative evidence such as the name of Chaz showing up in certain pages of the university and Dobson’s internship being mentioned somewhere.

Well, would you look at that: People have different opinions on your stuff.

There are ways to draw memes funny and then there are ways to fail at them

You failed.

Funnily enough, that comic rings a lot truer to text than you expect. Considering how Dobson would often emulate certain aesthetics in his comics of shows that were rather passee by the time he published his stuff, plus how he will obsess over certain trends and games for years to come (like Skyrim or his Quiet Hate Boner) while also being unaware about current trends (how do you e.g. not have heard of My Hero Academia by 2018 at least once by accident?) Dobson has always been kinda late to the party. Missing the “zeitgeist” of nerd culture and as such never quite finding an audience.

Yeah, what Pam says. Not helped by the fact that yes, the floating eyebrows are real. Look at some earlier sketches or “professionally published” comics by his and you will see that each time characters get excited, their eyebrows will suddenly split into sets of three and float higher than Pennywise’s victims.

Ironically, that fits real life Dobson at the time and later on even more so than this comic version did. Sorry, but what am I supposed to call a person who has an hate boner on anime for years for superfluous reasons, made Danny and Spot a “gaming webcomic” deliberately to piss on non Nintendo fans and has admitted in some by now deleted youtube video, that he kept a list of usernames from an old forum just to remember even years later the people that were mean to him online?

Fuck both of you. I do not expect the Sixtin Chapel in the background, but something to filll up the empty space behind you is at times needed.

The comic here is actually called politics. … ironic how things changed once a certain reality show host turned president.

Jesus Christ. I am not even that much of a Transformers fan (Prime fan for life however) but even I know that this is not supposed to be what you design the head of a Transformer like. Not even if they ever produce the Transformers equivalent of Teen Titans Go.

Too bad you still can’t stand the heat, otherwise you wouldn’t have completely disappeared last year.

When you know you are in a no win situation, and still manage to choose an even dumber option to escape. I really don’t get it. I just think the Portal reference makes the comic dated and Dobsn’s attempt at a smug face looks so stupid. Like his cheeks are falling in and his mouth is about ready to get raped by a garden hose or something.

Yeah, considering Dobson’s later constant need for safe spaces and to be in control of a situation and the narrative, which led to so many blocks over the years… if you know anything about Dobson, how this comic becomes harsher in hindsight is rather self explanatory. I just want to say one thing: There is a difference between genuine agoraphobia and just wanting to be by yourself. And I think Dobson just prefers the later on average. Which is okay, but humans still need to interact with other human beings in one form or another, even just for the sake of keeping their mental health stable. Why do you think are so many people getting depressed in times of covid lockdowns, despite many having all sorts of technical gimmicks at their disposal to at least keep boredom at bay?

And by putting himself into a bubble like that, I think Dobson has deprived himself of some of the most basic human interaction, which was likely a severe factor in his mental degeneration over the last years.

It is still a valid suggestion! Just draw some cartoon characters or a nice fantasy scenario on a mural and earn yourself some bucks. Just be sure they are not by Disney or the Mouse will tear down the school!

… Just google up the words Andrew Dobson and Samus Aran commission by ED and you will see how this comic just further shows how much Dobson seems to actually be proud of being an unproductive asshole.

And by the way, I know that any form of artistic work takes time. Just writing these review posts takes a lot of time for me. But that doesn’t change the fact that people should post and create stuff in a timely fashion, especially when there are e.g. deadlines to hold up too. And by the way, Sloth’s don’t have fingers, they have claws!

And that is it.

Sorry if I missed anything folks, but I just saw how many pages in word this is already filling up, so I call quits for this part here right now. I think I made my point about how Dobson trying to badly deflect arguments people may make against his art and work ethics via jokes clear enough, while also showing some posts that are either harsher or hilarious in hindsight.

Next time we will however address one certain issue about our main character, that has been not directly addressed here. In the meantime, have a little fun video that shows hopefully how entertainment and a certain amount of comedy can be gained NOT via misery.

youtube

#adobsoncomic #Andrew Dobson #Tom Preston #comic #webcomics #syac #so...you are a cartoonist #review #master review

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kinetic-elaboration · 3 years ago

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July 17: 2x26 Assignment: Earth

Finally finished up S2 of TOS yesterday. That was... a rough episode tbh. I’m just gonna say it: back door pilots are bad! They’re bad. If I wanted to watch that other show, I’d watch it.

Wow, they’re just really jumping right in, huh? “Here we are, on a routine mission into the past, using a time travel method that we invented nbd.”

Investigating desperate problems in the year 2020...2016.... no wait 1968.

Ooh, Spock in the transport room today. Does he have a whole extra random station there? That’s so weird; I’ve never seen that before. It’s like hidden in the corner.

Cat!! Cat!!

What a good actor. I’m still bitter that wikipedia has a whole section about the casting for “Isis the cat” that talks entirely about the human who played Isis for 2 minutes and nothing about the talented feline actor. Where did they find her? How did they teach her to act?

She has a lot of thoughts about Kirk.

I wrote down “Scully, you’ve got to see this” in my notes and I’ve already forgotten what it refers to lol. Some moment that I thought would fit well with my favorite x-files meme.

Change history, you say? Spock is intrigued. ...Admittedly, Spock is often intrigued.

“What if it turns out you’re an invading alien from the future?” Honestly...let him invade. You’re not supposed to be here anyway.

I’m pretty insulted by this. The aliens went through all this trouble to help in 1968...where are our alien helpers NOW?

The cat straight up attacked his face.

Kirk is so fond of Spock being fond of the cat.

“It’s a lovely animal. I feel myself strangely drawn to it.”

Kirk is way too confused by Seven--an allegedly human person with super-human abilities that he says come from aliens--and yet, he’s met Charlie X so??? Is this not the same?

Kirk’s got the whole crew checking in on zoom.

(I actually do like this sequence of him getting video calls from different parts of the ship.)

“Weren’t orbiting H-bombs a huge problem in 1968?” Looks at the camera like he’s on The Office. Not the subtlest bit of writing in the “social commentary” genre. I do say this with love, though. I always enjoy when they comment on contemporary problems.

“He has a totally perfect body.” Lol don’t distract these two bisexuals.

[soft meowing]

“The prisoner has escaped.” The way this is shot, it looks like he’s talking about the cat.

Hmm, I do love the decor. Very 60s. This honestly immediately feels like a different show, and a much more dated show; even when the Enterprise time travels, it tends not to time travel to... office space.

Love the little sounds the computer makes.

So is Isis supposed to be one of the fancy aliens? It’s never explained but one must assume she is.

Aw, he’s petting her paw.

So I assumed the cats sounds are real, but just dubbed. They’re not lol. Which I guess isn’t surprising: this cat makes a lot of noises! They were provided by a human voice actress.

Damn.... I want a secret bookshelf that turns around to reveal a super computer with a big screen. “Computer... play Netflix.”

That’s what Seven does in his spare time.

The computer is an AI. “Beta 5 snobbery” lol.

Where are OUR alien overlords to stop US from destroying ourselves before WE can mature into a peaceful society?

This is really masterful exposition lol. Not forced or awkward at all.

ST sure does love the snooty female computer trope.

“Get us the proper costumes.” Yes, get Spock his Requisite Hat.

Omicron IV....that’s one of the names they use in Futurama lol. Such nerds.

Another excellent Spock Hat.

I love Seven’s various IDs. Great style. I wish my driver’s license looked like those.

“Who do you think you are?” He hasn’t decided yet. That’s why he was shifting through his IDs.

Seven is not smart lol. Like, he should have figured out way faster that this lady isn’t one of the Alien Overlords. He asks her the code question, she doesn’t understand it, and he... assumes she’s just really in character? Dude, that’s what the code questions are for!!! To help you identify people! Otherwise you could just straight up ask: are you an alien?

Instead he’s like “oh, you silly alien, you’re playing with me,” and then is forced to trap her, reveal his whole mission, and ultimately ensnare her in his plan.

I want that typewriter. Voice recognition typewriter.

"My incompetence has made you aware of very secret devices." Well at least he knows.

Trained cat!

The alien overlords were killed in a random car accident. That’s ironic.

Oh look, a real rocket!

Brown pants + short sleeved shirt + tie is such a Classic 60s look.

This security guard doesn’t think it’s weird that this random dude has a cat with him? Is this part of Isis’s alien power?

Except for the part where it’s a weapon, it’s pretty cool to see all this build up to, like... launching stuff into space. Exciting.

Isis likes to be on shoulders. Just like Little Guy.

New hat for Spock. His outer wear hat, and now his fancy hat. There is something to be said for this ep, and that is Kirk and Spock in suits.

Amazing how they literally launched rockets with computers that old. Like seeing the big bank of primitive computers is totally wild. We put people on the moon that way! Amazing.

“Meow.” Lol, Isis is stressed so she’s speaking like a cat. That’s a pretty funny joke actually.

Seven is so incompetent. If he’d just let the Enterprise help, Scotty could have fixed that rocket issue in like 3 seconds.

Lol everyone’s just pulling Gary through space. Now on the Enterprise. Now in the office.

Why does this computer have a hug black screen if it only displays images on the small white circle?

"Spock and I in custody. Main characters, doing nothing, knowing nothing, totally useless and irrelevant. I have never felt more helpless." Literally what is even the point of them today? Does Spock even have lines outside of “I like the cat”?

Isis is jealous of Roberta. Is she.. in a relationship with Seven lol?

Uhura is listening to everyone in the world. She probably has a universal translator on, but I do feel like this scene implies she just...understands all the languages.

So now the warhead is armed and heading to somewhere vague... in other words, everyone has collectively made the situation worse.

....Or this was Seven’s plan all along? To scare people into ceasing to be so careful with nuclear weaponry? As someone who knows humans better than this guy, I think this is a dumbass plan.

“That’s why so many people in my generation are kind of crazy and rebels.” Same, sweetheart.

Really this is just a story about bad communication. If Seven had told Kirk his plan upfront, Kirk would have helped him. And if Kirk weren’t so insistent on involving himself in something just because he happens to be somewhere he probably shouldn’t be, we wouldn’t have this issue either. The hubris of everyone.

Overall, just a really forced narrative imo.

Or that’s how it was supposed to be lol. The Irony of time travel. By it’s nature, everything has already worked out.

Kirk and Spock are like “You’re welcome. Peace out.”

Honestly... Isis was the only good part. Such a talented cat actor!! Or trio of cat actors, I guess. Had to do all those stunts and stuff.. .amazing. I also liked the concept of Isis. How she turned into a human later just to troll Roberta. How she’s never really explained--one must assume, an alien? Plus I pretty much never get tired of human + animal teams where the animal makes animal noises and the human just understands and answers in English.

As a stand alone sci fi concept...it was okay. Kinda dated by now. The alien tech was nifty and Roberta could have grown on me. Maybe even Seven, though he left a lot to be desire. That said, the narrative relied a lot on people getting in each other’s way for no reason, which I find very frustrating.

But as a Star Trek episode....no. The main characters were just nuisances on the side lines!! I’m not even sure what Kirk’s mission here was--to try to figure out what Seven was doing? And stop him if necessary? But he never really decided if it was or not, until the point where not trusting him would basically cause a nuclear war? I don’t know, I found it all very frustrating. The melding of the original show and the spinoff was not smooth.

If I were watching this in 1968, I’d feel very cheated. THIS was the season finale? That’s it? I don’t even get a real Star Trek episode and now I have to wait months for anything new?

And what I get after all that waiting is Spock’s Brain?? I’d be tempted to quit. If I had a tumblr in 1969 I’d be writing multi-paragraph rants about how the best show on television has completely nose-dived lol.

But then there’s The Enterprise Incident, which is one of the best episodes... I don’t know, man. It’s a conundrum. I’ve only seen maybe half of season 3 but from what I remember it’s very uneven: some of the best eps (The Enterprise Incident, For the World Is Hollow, Day of the Dove) mixed in with some of the worst (Spock’s Brain, The Paradise Syndrome), plus some that are good concepts but shoddily executed (The Way to Eden). So we’ll see what I think about it when I see it all in one piece, in air date order.

#the year 2021 #2021: fandom thoughts #2021: star trek #star trek tos

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anywhozits · 4 years ago

Text

All I Really Want: Chapter 2

Rating: T

Pairing: Kristanna (at some point lol)

Verse: 90s High School AU / frozen retelling

Read on AO3

This wasn’t Anna’s first rodeo. During her freshman year at Arendelle Prep; hell, even during eighth grade and if she were drunk enough to admit it—that one time halfway through 7th grade when she really, really wanted to smooch Charlie Blower that 9th grader who she ran into in the hallway, she went to these kinds of parties.

The classic Arendelle Prep rager. Rich parents out on some kind of business trip. Way too much vodka. Cheap beer. Hot tubs. Silly games. Maybe a bonfire or two which like, totally wasn’t dangerous at all.

This night was the same as others before it. Bebe Shelley’s parents were out in Cabo for some reason with the “law school buddies” or “law firm buddies” or whatever her gross-ass dad called the ring of people he did lots of coke and called up prostitutes with. Well—not like that last part would happen with the wives present. Or would it.

Anna shuddered—literally—at the thought.

Gross. No. She didn’t want to think of any of that super messed up shit. She couldn’t believe Ashley even told her all of that. But maybe it was a coping mechanism or something.

Her driver, the most illustrious Kai, her aid in everything mischievous she had been up to ever since that 7th grade party where she had succeeded in smooching Charlie Blower, pulled the car up to Bebe’s house.

She took a deep breath. She was nervous for some reason. Probably because she knew Bebe’s sister Ashley would’ve invited the entire junior class and Anna had an inkling she super wanted to smooch tonight, too. And the juniors were the most totally hot grade in the upper school right now. Like, everybody knew it. Even the teachers. She’d heard Mrs. Adamson talking about it in a hushed voice with Mrs. Ingalls at convocation last week.

They were hot. Smoking hot, really. Like, smoking hot period.

And it helped that these were the boys who already were super into freshmen like her. Their first dance of the year, glowdown, was filled with her and her friends finding any way to grind on them. And they liked it too. Clearly. Anna felt that they liked it.

But somehow she made the stupid mistake of starting a grind off with Bebe that distracted from her goal. Sure, she’d won. Twenty-four guys compared to Bebe’s seventeen. But she hadn’t done anything else with them.

So she hadn’t secured herself that man she told herself she wanted since high school started. High school meant romance and drama and maybe a little bit of learning or something, too. But she wanted a high school boyfriend. She wanted someone to light up her life and her heart and she wanted everything that came with having that. She just wanted… someone. She wanted love. She wanted someone to love her.

The car came to a stop. Kai gave Anna a knowing ‘see you in the morning’ nod before ushering her out of the car. She opened the door slowly but slamming it suddenly, confused as to why she didn’t hear the familiar sound of the door banging closed behind her until she remembered that her best friend sat in the seat next to her.

“Wait! Kristoff—sorry. I forgot—” Anna shook her head. “Nevermind. Are you ready?” Anna was just so used to arriving to these kinds of house parties alone. Kristoff usually avoided them, unless Anna was the host, of course, but tonight Anna had begged and begged him until he finally gave in. All she had to do was jut out her lip and give him those classic puppy dog eyes. Rest assured he would do whatever she asked.

“Yeah. I’m ready.” His face was morphed into an extremely dissatisfied pout. Anna imagined he probably regretted agreeing to this whole situation, but she was thankful he came anyway. If this night didn’t go the way she planned, then she’d be happy to instead spend the night with him jumping on trampolines and running around to beat of the Smashing Pumpkins’ guitar riffs.

Kristoff’s drunken air guitar talents were legendary. Every time.

“Um… you sure?” Anna had tried to walk a few paces ahead of him but Kristoff remained firmly planted on the driveway. “You’re not moving at all.”

“Right,” Kristoff said. “Moving. Gotta… move.” Eventually he picked up his pace, shuffling his feet to catch up to Anna. She turned to face him, then, smiling wide at one of the people who consistently lit up her world.

His black Offspring skull t-shirt billowed a little bit in the slight wind of an Orange County January. Anna noticed a little hint of his sketchily acquired Nirvana tattoo sticking out from the sleeve of his left arm. But literally just a glimpse. The curve of the smiley face’s chin.

She thought it was damn awesome that at sixteen years old he already had two tattoos. Like he somehow had the balls to sneak out and find someone who would do that to minors. Someone he ended up befriending, even. He had a connection.

Naturally she’d debated getting one herself, but she still felt too young. Yeah, Kristoff and Anna were in the same grade, but he was basically two years older than her. Somehow, she was only reminded of this when she caught sight of his tattoos. What Anna deemed the ultimate symbol of maturity. Of… advanced age. Of those two years between them.

When Kristoff reached her, Anna grabbed hold of his hand, and they walked hand in hand to the intricately carved mahogany door of the Shelley household. Anna pressed the doorbell, hoping the chime would ring over the S Club 7 blasting through the surround sound.

Thankfully, Ashley pulled open the door. “Ohmygod, Anna!” Ashley bounced up to Anna and hugged her with such force Anna thought she might burst. She could feel the stark, well—hard proof of Ashley’s boob job. A sixteenth birthday present that had set off an endless stream of gossip. “And you brought your friend… Christopher, was it?”

“Kristoff.”

“Right. Well—welcome, Kristoff! Glad you could make it.”

Anna shrugged and clapped her hands together. She felt a jolt of excitement shoot through her. A party! A party was just what she needed to forget about her shit week. Elsa hadn’t called back after Anna had left her at least twelve or thirteen messages and her parents had done nothing but ignore her. But what else was new on that front…her parents were a lost cause. But Elsa. Elsa was busy, though. At her boarding school. Studying hard, probably. And there was also the three-hour time difference. Anna knew that. There were loads of reasons why Elsa didn’t call back. She couldn’t be disappointed.

She wouldn’t be.

So, Anna smiled through it. She tried her very best to swallow the tremble in her voice. “I need something to drink.” Not one crack. Not one break. She always did such a great job hiding.

“You know where to find those,” Ashley added with a wink. She ushered Kristoff and Anna to the kitchen and made a beeline for what appeared to be the dance floor.

Anna skipped—literally skipped—to the kitchen, Kristoff stumbling behind her and nodding nervously when she handed him a shot of vodka. He took one whiff and scrunched up his face. He wasn’t usually a shot guy but Anna brought it out in him.

She knew he had some stuff he wanted to forget, too.

“Threetwoone!” Her countdown was decidedly not a countdown. Both Anna and Kristoff grimaced intensely when the liquid stung their throats and then chased the vodka heavily with some Sunny D.

“Another one?” Kristoff asked, feeling nothing. What a heavyweight. Anna remained incredibly jealous. A couple months ago, Olaf told Anna that she could never go shot to shot with Kristoff and her own stupid dumb naïve stubbornness made her do it. That night had ended so poorly. Probably. Well—no way it could have ended any other way. Anna didn’t remember anything past shot number nine. Her throat burned for days from all the barfing she did.

But tonight, she figured she’d keep to a limit. A few drinks behind Kristoff at all times. Except for now… “Let’s do it!”

So they did. Switching to a chaser of Hawaiian punch this time. Kristoff had definitely poured at least a shot and a half into their red solo cups, but Anna was grateful for it, honestly. Now she felt the perfect amount of buzz for her Junior Boy Hunt. That sounded like an okay name for this quest. Junior Boy Hunt. Had some mediocre ring to it.

She’d keep it for now.

Kristoff took one more shot and then grabbed himself a beer but not before pouring Anna a vodka cranberry.

“Thanks, Kris,” Anna said. “I’m going to take a lap, I think.”

“Okay. I’ll be here, probably. Or… looking for Olaf. I think he said he might come.”

Anna nodded and smiled at him, thinking to herself that this was where and how Junior Boy Hunt began. She held the red solo cup so tightly her knuckles started to turn white. She massaged her lip between her teeth in sheer resolve. Her eyes roamed over the crowd of people on the dance floor.

They all seemed mostly paired off.

Then she looked at the living room. Also pairs.

Jesus. Was this some kind of a hook up party and she didn’t get the memo to arrive early enough to secure her place?

Whatever.

She pivoted in her Vans to run outside, but right as she did, she bumped straight into someone and the entirety of her vodka cranberry spilled all over the front of her shirt. “Ooof!” She yelled, laughing just as she always did when she did something clumsy. Because. Classic Anna, let’s be real.

“Whoa!” The mysterious human wall grabbed her shoulders to stabilize himself. But then he ran his hands along her arms and held onto her hands right as he stared into her eyes and then Anna realized oh shit this human wall was a guy who was actually really, really hot and maybe this was, like, fate or something because hot DAMN. He wore a pink Lacoste collared shirt which seemed to make his bright red hair sparkle. His most striking feature—by far—was his eyes, filled with a beautiful, engulfing green that swirled in a shocking mixture of mischievousness and confidence. She’d never in her entire life seen eyes that color. Like… an emerald. It captivated her. She didn’t want to move. “I’m sorry about that… oh, fuck. Your drink… on your…” His eyes drifted down to her white tank top. He was definitely staring at her cleavage. Anna puffed out her chest a little bit in response.

“It’s fine. Don’t worry about it. I get distracted by—um, I run into people a lot. I mean, I’m really clumsy. I guess. It’s not because you’re hot or anything. Well, you are hot, but I don’t… that’s not why I ran into you, it’s more just because I wasn’t looking—I didn’t notice you were hot until, well, right now, and—”

“I’m Hans,” he said and Anna exhaled. So she hadn’t made a complete fool of herself with her rambling. Those little blessings. “Westergaard.”

“Anna Larsen.” There was a slight twinkle in his eyes when she said this.

“You go to Arendelle Prep?”

“Yeah. I’m in Bebe’s grade.”

He chuckled. “Fresh meat.”

“Yup! And you’re a…?”

“Junior. Ashley’s my good um… friend.” Except the way he said that made Anna think maybe they were something more than friends and it made her nervous. “I’m sure she could give you a new shirt.”

“Oh, I don’t really care about the stain.”

“It’s a little see-through.”

Anna blushed. Hard. She definitely had cheeks the shade of ketchup and it only made it worse that he still held onto her hands. Thank the Lord she had bought a new metallic green bathing suit last week.

“You know, I think I recognize you from somewhere,” Hans said. “Are you on the volleyball team?”

She blushed again. “Yeah. I am. Volleyball, basketball, and track, actually.” Technically track season hadn’t started yet, but she found it important to mention anyway.

“My friends and I… we like watching the volleyball games.”

Anna laughed nervously. She could feel it… now was the time to be bold. Now was the time to really put the Junior Boy Hunt plan into action. “So, um… wanna get me a new drink? And you can… um—meet me outside?” Anna tried her best to be assertive. She wanted him to know she was interested and more than anything else she needed him to know that she was mature. She was a freshman, sure—fresh meat or whatever he had said earlier, but this wasn’t her first party, and this wasn’t her first time making out with somebody the first night she met them.

“Vodka cranberry?”

“Make it a vodka soda this time. Don’t wanna ruin any more clothes.”

He laughed at her and she went giddy. Her heart fluttered a mile a minute. Okay. Not too shabby. Junior Boy Hunt was already a resounding success. She spun around to watch him walk to the kitchen and stared longingly at the way he poured her drink. Kristoff had disappeared somewhere, probably looking for Olaf. She’d meet up with him later. No worries.

So, then Anna skipped excitedly outside, finding a perfect spot next to the fire where she could see herself spending the rest of the night with Hans. What a thrill. She couldn’t wait.

She discarded her tank top, pleased enough to have a solid vodka-cranberry soiled excuse to show off her new bikini, fixed her braids, and pulled down her jean cutoff shorts. Biting her lip while she tried to determine how much of her abs would peek through while sitting on this chair.

Laying herself out in as Barbie as a pose as she could, Anna found her footing. Her body glistened in the light of the crackling fire, her freckles on display. Her shorts low enough on her hips to showcase her small waist and her voluptuous booty. Well. Not that he would really be able see her booty since she had to use it to, like, sit on. But still. She looked enrapturing like this and she knew it.

She counted down the seconds until she figured he would come back with their drinks and see her like this. Thrilled.

But then.

“Oh, hey, Anna,” Kristoff said, sliding into the spot next to her on the patio couch.

Anna shot to attention, emerged from her Barbie pose, and scooted a little bit away from him. “Oh. Kristoff. Hi.” Her eyes darted about, trying to see if she saw Hans anywhere. She didn’t want him to be turned off by the fact she now spoke to a guy like twice his size. Hans didn’t know that Kristoff was just a friend. And what if, seeing her here… he thought that it meant she found somebody new. That she didn’t want him. Because that wasn’t the case. Like, literally at all. Obviously. Anna had… maybe a couple times considered smooching Kristoff. Maybe a couple. Well, technically handful was the better word to describe how many times she’d had that thought. But that didn’t mean she liked him liked him. She just liked him as a friend. And sometimes it was hard to separate friend feelings from romantic feelings and… besides.

He definitely thought of her has a friend. A little sister he had said once. And it still made her stomach sink even thinking of the night he said those two words.

“You couldn’t find Olaf?”

“I’m not so sure he’s here. I looked all over.”

“Oh, well…” Anna started panicking a bit. She knew Hans had to be on his way, and if her big brother or best friend whatever the heck he was to her cock blocked her like this she would be pissed. Her eyes beat back and forth and back and forth. She didn’t see the flash of Hans’s red hair anywhere. For now, she was safe. But only for now. “Listen—”

Kristoff smiled softly. “Have I ever told you how cute you look in braids?”

The comment made Anna blush and momentarily forgot her mission. “No.”

“Well, you do. You—”

But then she saw Hans walking through the sliding glass door. And she got desperate. “Kristoff, um… I think it’s best—I need to—”

“Anna!” Hans somehow squeezed his way between the two of them on the couch. Kristoff recoiled and exhaled in a pout. “Got you these.” He handed her not one but two vodka sodas. For himself, he had chosen some generic looking beer bottle. “Thought you looked thirsty.”

Anna was happy to double fist. She felt like she needed some added liquid confidence for this next part of her quest.

“Who’s this guy?” Hans said this in a way that made it seem like Kristoff didn’t sit so close to him that their thighs rubbed together.

“That’s Kristoff. He’s my friend. Um…He was just leaving.” She’d explain everything to him later. But for now she felt bad.

Kristoff slouched, and his eyes shot to the floor. He looked so dejected that guilt churned within Anna’s stomach. But slowly he got up, nodding, not quite looking into Anna’s eyes when he said, “Yup. I need to… um. Bye.”

Anna exhaled slowly. Everything would be fine once she explained it to him. He probably already knew what the deal was.

So, she tried to put that thread of guilt out of her mind.

“Sorry about that. He’s great, I promise. He’s just… he gets overwhelmed at parties like this.” Anna moved in closer to Hans, trying to recreate her earlier pose. She took a sip of one of the drinks, placing the other one carefully on the floor. It was strong. Hans had blessed her with a heavy pour. She took a couple more gulps of the vodka and then cleared her throat. “So… where do you live?” Anna mentally kicked herself. What kind of a way to start the conversation was this?

“Newport.”

“Oh—um. Beach or Coast? I live in Newport Coast.”

“Beach. Port streets.”

“Awesome,” Anna said, exhaling. Trying to decide what her next move was. She took a few sips of the vodka soda, thankfully feeling a bit more buzzed. He had to have put at least two shots in it. “I—um—my family has a beach house on the Peninsula. Not too far from the Fun Zone, um. If you’ve ever been.”

“The Fun Zone?” His whole entire face lit up and he instantly became even dreamier. “Sure I’ve been. First ferris wheel I ever went on.”

Hans’s hand found Anna’s upper thigh and she instantly felt both a pressure down below and a heart heaving thrill of excitement the second he did. His eyes fell to her bikini again.

And then. Right then.

Anna knew she had him in the palm of her hand. She didn’t feel nervous anymore.

“The ferris wheel is great,” she laughed, effortlessly. “We used to go there all the time when I was little. My dad spun me too hard on the Drummer Boy and I threw up next to the trash can. Like, I was so close to making it an elegant barf that nobody had to clean up or anything but nope. I failed. Literally… adjacent to the trash can.”

Hans laughed now. Heartily.

Yes. Nice work, Anna. You’re funny. You’ve got this. Two points to Anna in the Junior Boy Hunt. And then, while still laughing, he moved his hand a little further up on her thigh. Two more points. “My sister made it to the bathroom. Barfed in the toilet. And I think that moment really set us on our life trajectories. Class Act Elsa and Hot Mess Anna.”

He laughed again. She had to give herself at least five points for that one.

“Elsa’s your sister?”

“Mmhmm. She’s like a super genius. Goes to this uppity boarding school in New England and will probably end up at Harvard or something after she graduates in May,” Anna said cheerily, chugging her drink. Willing herself to forget those unanswered phone calls. “And… meanwhile here I am.” She sipped—more like slurped—her drink at least thrice. “Hot.” Sip. “Mess.” Sip. She gulped. Time for a redirection. “Do you have any siblings?”

“Twelve.”

Now Anna laughed. “You’re joking.”

“Nope. I’m the youngest of thirteen. All brothers.”

“I’m jealous,” Anna said. Meaning it wholeheartedly. She’d love to have a house that full. But then she noticed Hans looking at her sideways and she recoiled. “Is that weird?” Hans didn’t answer her, he just ran his hand along her cheek. So slowly, so delicately that Anna felt herself shiver. “Must’ve been chaotic, then. Going to The Fun Zone as a pack of thirteen kids.”

“Yeah, my brothers were assholes about it. Always trying to force me on Scary Dark Ride.”

“What? You’re telling me you were scared?” Anna cackled. Literally cackled. “That ride’s so lame! Like, totally not scary. At all.”

Hans’s voice got lower, edging on husky when he said, “Maybe I’ll let you force me on it sometime.”

Anna’s heart almost stopped right there. He wanted to go out with her, like, on a date? Probably? That was a date, right? He meant this as a date? The two of them going to The Fun Zone. Maybe he meant in a group. Like a group of them would go and a group of them ride the ride and then get some ice cream and hang out at her beach house or something. But then Anna took a few more horrid burning sips of her drink and decided… fuck it. “You mean like a date?” She scooted even closer to him somehow and pushed her upper arms against her top. She didn’t have the biggest boobs. Well, definitely not compared to Ashley and her fake-ass ones, but she still knew how to show them off. And Hans seemed interested, so…

She tucked a loose strand of hair around her ear and chugged the last bit of one vodka soda as she waited for his answer.

But it never came.

Instead, she felt the warmth of his lips covering her own. His arm snaked around her waist and he pulled her on top of him, so she straddled him with ease.

“You’re beautiful,” he said between kisses.

Her heart fluttered at those words. Damn did it feel good to be complimented like that. To feel, even if only for a few minutes, that she was the center of somebody else’s world.

Anna could say nothing but, “You’re really hot. Like, really hot. Hot damn hot.” She laughed. Rambling again. “Okay I’m gonna stop talking now.”

She grabbed onto the back of his head and pulled him in closer, so they kissed deeper, tongues fighting for dominance.

He was by far the best kisser of the maybe seven-or-so people Anna had kissed in her life. There was something startling about it, honestly. Nobody else could measure up.

Hans knew what he was doing. He really, really knew what he was doing. And as his hand squeezed her ass, Anna let out a delighted moan. Shit. Yeah. This guy knew.

Eventually they transitioned to the porch swing, and then to the hammock, and then to a patch of grass by the hammock, and then the trampoline, and finally the hot tub. Both vodka sodas were finished now, the empty cups sitting by the fire, next to the pile of their discarded clothes. Anna still straddled him, kissing him deeply, thoroughly enjoying the new sensation the hot water provided.

It seemed the rest of the party-goers had cleared out of the backyard. Only the sounds of TLC kept them company. And maybe it was all the alcohol or maybe it was the sense of utter euphoria she felt after these hours with Hans, but damn kissing Hans almost felt like chasing waterfalls…. And that definitely meant that she had at least one million points in the Junior Boy Hunt.

But she wanted to take it a little bit further. To secure her spot. Maybe she needed a billion points to win her own game. “Um… are you sleeping here tonight?”

“That was the plan,” he said, crooning. “Are you?”

“Yeah. Duh. Always.”

“Your parents don’t want you back home?”

Anna laughed in spite of herself and rolled her eyes. “My parents are happy I’m not there to bother them.”

Hans grabbed hold of one of her braids and twirled it in his fingers. “Can I say something crazy?”

Anna nodded.

“I think I love you.”

Her jaw dropped. In a totally unladylike way as her mom would say if she even cared enough to criticize her daughter. Anna did a double take. “Wait, what?”

“I think I love you, Anna,” he repeated. His eyes sparkled in the moonlight. Those absolutely brilliant green eyes. Her heart skipped a beat and what she felt in that moment—that pure, raw, unadulterated pull toward him and only him… it must have been love.

“Oh—wow. I… um—” She blushed, slowly growing more confident. Love. Yes. This was love. “I think I love you, too.”

Their lips met again, more passionately, more purposeful. She felt hot all over and not just from the… you know—hot water of the hot tub and all that.

She had certainly received a billion points. No doubt about it.

And they stayed outside for the rest of the night. The two of them. They moved from the hot tub and back to the grass, back to the couch, back to the trampoline. They watched the stars, they split a bottle of wine, they made s’mores.

They fell asleep wrapped in each other’s arms.

And Anna knew this was love. This was exactly what love felt like.

To be someone’s world and someone’s rock and someone’s other half.

She loved love. She loved Hans.

This was the best night of her life.

#frozen #kristanna #hansanna #hanna #fanfic #fanfiction

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buzzdixonwriter · 4 years ago

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Ellison’s Law

Even for the early 1960s, Burke’s Law was a silly gimmick show.

The gimmick? Millionaire Amos Burke, despite inheriting fabulous wealth, always wanted to be a detective so he joined the LAPD and worked his way up to captain of the homicide bureau.

Basically Batman without the trauma or costume.

And like Batman of a few years later, an exercise in camp.

The show was rigidly formulaic, but for practical reasons. It relied heavily on stunt casting celebrities as suspects or witnesses and as such it had to be flexible enough to handle rewrites and re-castings in the middle of production.

The typical episode began with someone found murdered or shown getting killed in some unusual manner, cut to Amos Burke flirting with a lady only to be called away by his police duties. Cue the opening title as Burke and his driver hurry out of his relatively modest Beverly Hills mansion to his Rolls-Royce (actually producer Aaron Spelling’s car which he rented back to the production) as a sultry female voice incants: “It’s Burke’s Law” then after the first commercial break Burke arrives at the scene of the crime and finds clues pointing him to four or five suspects.

Said suspects are the celebrity guest stars, recruited either to give them some manic scenery chewing time or -- more rarely -- an intense dramatic scene.

After three more commercial breaks, Burke intones one of his “laws” (“Burke’s law: Never ask a question where you don’t already know the answer.”), pulls a rabbit out of his hat / solution out of his butt, and fingers that episode’s duly appointed murderer.

The problem with the series as a whole is that it could never quite decide on what tone it wanted to take and stick with it consistently. The British series The Avengers found the perfect balance of tongue-in-cheek / derring-do but Burke’s Law bounced all over the spectrum, frequently in the same episode.

So why bring up this mediocre TV show at all?

Two words: Harlan Ellison

. . .

I’ve posted many times before on Harlan’s career and the impact of his writing and friendship on me.

He was in the mid 1960s at his zenith as a TV writer, and while his writing career as a whole encompasses so much more than that, his brief run as one of the meteors streaking across the Hollywood sky only lasted 4 years.

Oh, he kept writing for TV after that, but the old zing was gone. He supplied stories for other series, created and fought hard to keep The Starlost on track but eventually had to walk away from that heartbreak, adapted several of his own short stories to a Twilight Zone revival, as well as numerous development deals that went nowhere (including two great ideas for The Name Of The Game, another Gene Barry series, that would have fit perfectly into that show’s oeuvre).

If you find his second book of TV criticism, The Other Glass Teat, check out his first draft for “The Whimper Of Whipped Dogs” episode of The Young Lawyers (not to be confused with his short story of the same title).

It’s one of the most powerful / gut wrenching things you’ll ever read…

…but by the time the studio and the network got through with it, the final product was virtually unrecognizable…and unwatchable.

Such was Harlan’s fate after 1967 in Clown Town (as he referred to it).

But from 1963 to 1967, he was golden.

. . .

Harlan’s rocky personal history went through many highs and lows before coming to Hollywood in 1962.

Harlan’s first breakthrough as a writer was with his series of stories and essays on juvenile crime in New York in the early and mid-1950s..

Drafted in 1957. following his discharge, he settled in Chicago with his second wife and her son, editing Rogue magazine, a Playboy imitator.

Feeling his personal life becoming untenable, he called in favors from a friend, drove out to California with his soon-to-be ex-wife and stepson (aware the marriage was over, she also wanted to relocate away from Chicago), made his first sale to TV (his short story “No Fourth Commandment” to the TV show Route 66), then briefly found a sweet spot with Burke’s Law, writing four teleplays for their first season.

Burke’s Law is a good crucible for examination because of its silly, gimmicky nature and rigid format requirements.

These scripts represent a pivotal point in Harlan’s writing career, but more importantly, they mark the only sustained run he enjoyed on a non-anthology show, and as such make a good benchmark in comparing his growth as a writer and how his unique perspective played out in in relation to the constraints of episodic television.

While a couple of Harlan’s better science fiction / fantasy stories were written before 1963, the meteoric rise of his career in those genres began with his classic short story “’Repent, Harlequin!’ Said The Ticktockman” in 1965, followed by a host of other groundbreaking short stories and novellas, and his original anthologies Dangerous Visions and Again, Dangerous Visions in which he recruited other science fiction and fantasy writers -- many of them already well established pros -- to follow the path he blazed in the genre.

His experience on Burke’s Law occurs squarely between what he once was to what he was becoming, and as such is worthy of attention.

SPOILER: There are no great hidden gems here.

There’s a lot of amusing writing, and a few flashes of the emotional intensity Harlan could provide, but by and large this is journeyman level stuff: Better than most, but not the best.

. . .

”Who Killed Alex Debbs?” was his first script for the series, and he pitched it to producer Aaron Spelling at a cattle call after a screening of the show’s pilot episode.

Harlan jump started the pitch process by improvising an idea off the cuff at the end of the screening, and Spelling took him to his office to hear how Harlan planned to resolve it, then hired him on the spot.

It’s unclear if Harlan was actually a staff writer on the series or simply hung out at the studio a lot, but he used his skills as a quick study to start working his way up the food chain.

His first script fulfills all the requirements of a Burke’s Law episode and shows off two of Harlan’s main strengths: An ability to hone in on intense emotion and a keen eye for the culture around him (in this case, very specifically Hollywood of the early 1960s).

On the downside, logic gaps render this story more implausible than most -- and as noted, Burke’s Law as a series wasn’t famous for its plausibility.

A flaw of almost all Burke’s Law episodes is that the victim is typically found dead under mysterious / bizarre circumstances, and the impression we get of them is constructed entirely through the words of suspects and witnesses.

It’s not an unworkable approach, but not the best suited for episodic television.

In this instance. victim Alex Drebbs is a Hugh Hefner-like men’s magazine publisher and monarch of a mini-empire of key clubs ala the Playboy Clubs of the era. Harlan captures that milieu well but here’s where the logic gaps hit hard: There’s no way a Hefner-like figure would be alone long enough for someone to kill him without being noticed, there’s no way his disappearance wouldn’t be immediately noticed by employees needing his attention, and it sure as hell wouldn’t have happened in a deserted club on the afternoon of its big opening.

On the plus side, there are some great character scenes including Arlene Dahl as a bitter ex-investor in Debbs empire now reduced to licking saving stamps to keep her decay mansion in repair, Burgess Meredith as a men’s magazine cartoonist who is nothing but a bundle of neurotic twitches and tics, and finally Sammy Davis Jr as Cordwainer Bird, the humor editor for Debbs’ magazine.

This was at the Robin Williams stage of Davis career, when all you had to do was point a camera in his direction and let him go. Harlan supplied the corny gags but Davis launched them over the top with his antics, and while he brings the proceedings to a complete disruptive halt, his brief scene is the most entertaining in the entire series. (Harlan later used Cordwainer Bird as his WGA pseudonym when he wanted to indicate displeasure at what had been done to his scripts.)

By his own account, Harlan had less luck with Diana Dors -- “the British Marilyn Monroe” -- and treated her condescendingly during the shoot. (By comparison, William Goldman in his memoir Adventures In The Screen Trade shows a much more sanguine / roll-with-the-punches attitude, and that might explain part of the reason his screenwriting trajectory was far different than Harlan’s.)

All in all, an uneven example of both the series and Harlan’s abilities.

. . .

”Who Killed Purity Mather?” was Harlan’s second script for the series and one of the few that played with the rigid format of the series insofar as the victim is seen alive for a few moments before being killed in a rather sadistic and spectacular manner (splashed with acid then trapped in a burning house, and the high angle shot used to show her demise must have been incredibly risky -- and thus costly -- to film).

It also drops a very subtle clue that I’ll reveal in the footnote.*

This is Harlan going so far over the top he emerges on the other side. Plotwise it features more logic gaps than his first script, but the whole thing is so silly it’s pointless to complain about it.

Purity Mather is a professional witch (!) who speeds up the investigation into her own demise by mailing Amos Burke a recording saying she’ll be killed along with a list of five possible suspects (that she doesn’t mention them by name in the recording reflects the show’s desire for standalone scenes, enabling them to recast and rewrite plotlines more easily; the scene where Burke reads the names to his team was doubtlessly shot after the guest cast was locked in).

Burke & co. start shaking down suspects, including Telly Savalas as Fakir George O'Shea, a Muslim holy man / cosmetics chemist (!!); Charlie Ruggles as I. A. Bugg, an eccentric elderly millionaire who likes to chase -- but not catch -- prostitutes around his apartment while dressed in lederhosen(!!!); Wally Cox as Count Carlo Szipesti, vampire for hire (!!!!); and Gloria Swanson as Venus Hekate Walsh a fright wig bedecked self-proclaimed goddess of free love (!!!!!).

The episode might as well have had a laugh track. It’s amusing with several daft touches only Harlan could provide, but the daftness comes from his take on Hollywood culture of the time.

I’d go so far as to say elements of Cox and Swanson’s characters were based on real life people living in and around Hollywood at the time, in particular some science fiction fans Harlan had come in contact with.

It’s a romp but a disappointing one. The logic gaps are too big in this one (case in point, if you’re the captain of the homicide bureau and you come home to see a masked figure climbing out of your second story window in broad daylight, you don’t simply shrug and let them run off) and the ending is one of those annoying ah-yes-now-that-you-caught-me-I-will-admit-everything-even-stuff-you-don’t-know cappers that Joe Ruby and Ken Spears would have rejected for Scooby Doo.

In short, a script whose parts are better than the whole.

. . .

”Who Killed Andy Zygmunt?" is another slight story that pays off with an insight into Hollywood pop culture of the era. The victim is “a pop artist” (no, he’s not; he an assemblage sculptor) impaled on his own artwork.

He’s also revealed to be an extortionist who acquires embarrassing evidence that he affixes to his assemblages then blackmails his victims into buying the art to keep their secrets safe.

Once again Burke is conveniently handed a list of suspects, in this case the people who bought the last five pieces of art from the exhibit.

This is one of the few times the series had more than one suspect in the same scene as there’s a big gathering in Burke’s office midway through the story (it also includes Michael Fox, a semi-regular on the series playing the coroner, so it represents a pretty sizeable filming day for the show). The suspects include Macdonald Carey as Burl Mason, the star of a popular TV detective show (Harlan gives his scenes what we would now call a meta-fiction touch by playing off Barry’s fictional TV detective dealing with a fictional fictional TV detective); Jack Weston as Silly McCree, a kid’s show host who destroys his career with an on air anti-child rant; Ann Blyth as Deirdre DeMara, a rival “pop artist” who creates her art by spraying women with paint and having them roll around on giant canvases (a gimmick later used in the bizarre 1966 Ann-Margaret comedy The Swinger); Aldo Ray as Mister Harold, former pro-wrestler turned poodle groomer; and Tab Hunter in a surprisingly well done scene as a sky diving playboy.

Hunter’s scene in particular shows Harlan getting his hyperbole under control, much more laconic and evocative than other characters he wrote for the series. As mentioned above, Burke’s Law occurs just on the cusp of Harlan’s huge success in print; he’s beginning to harness the lessons learned to maximum effect. (He would have some setbacks, too, in his screenwriting career, and to be honest part of that can be attributed to his failure to consistently apply the lessons learned, part of it can be attributed to his reputation preceding him, and part of it can be attributed to just bad luck.)

The motives this time are fairly edgy for a 1963 TV series, and combined with the slices of Los Angeles life Harlan provides give a fair example of the cultural zeitgeist of the era.

. . .

”Who Killed ½ Of Glory Lee?” can be explained as Benjamin Glory, half owner of Glory Lee Fashions, with Gisele MacKenzie as the other half, Keekee Lee.

After breaking the budget with his spectacular demise of Purity Mather, Harlan staged this murder as an inexpensive off camera elevator plunge.

This time the plot is a wee bit more plausible, with control of a profitable business being the apparent motive for the murder.

But Harlan loaded up this episode with a more powerful emotional punch than most of his others, and while the dénouement may feel a bit farfetched, it certainly rings true emotionally.

He certainly gave Nina Foch and Anne Helm plenty to work with regarding their characters’ complicated mother / daughter relationship, yet at the same time found room for a playful scene in which Buster Keaton pantomimes his answers to Burke’s questions.

Yet at the same time one senses an impatience behind the keyboard. The opening scene has a squad of female elevator operators (yes, once upon a time there needed to be somebody in the elevator to push the buttons for you) discussing pop culture references of a generation before -- Harlan’s generation.

And while the key emotional conflicts are played out well, several of the other scenes feel rather perfunctory…yet at the same time this is probably the most cohesive whole of any Burke’s Law script, whether written by Harlan or not.

It’s as if after a brief but profitable run on a network series, Harlan realized he’d absorbed as much of the practical end of the business as he could and his next moves should be into broader, edgier territory.

* SPOILER: Purity Mather is the murderer; she connives a career nudist (!!!!!!) to participate in a magic ceremony then disfigures and kills her, leaving evidence that she hopes will convince the police the body is hers. The subtle clue Harlan drops is the victim, wearing a long black negligee, complaining about how she doesn’t like the feel of the clothes. A nice touch, but undercut by Purity then going to the nudist camp her victim operates and waiting in the buff by the front gate for the police to show up and question the career nudist -- whom Purity has mentioned as a suspect in her faked murder. While it works insofar as Purity doesn’t try to pass herself off to anyone else at the camp as the career nudist, it doesn’t scan that she would know when the police would come to investigate or if they could be easily convinced at the gate and not come in to question other patrons.

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diminuel · 5 years ago

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I wasn’t all that fond of 15x10 while I watched it yesterday. I loved the premise and Garth, but I think it was just a bit too over the top for me. The placement of this episode within the greater context of it being the final episode and following the rather gloomy previous episode just made it feel a bit off. That aside, I just didn’t enjoy watching it all that much even though I could appreciate what we were given.

But I’m giving it another rewatch and another chance! I’d love to hear your thoughts too, whether you agree or disagree with my reactions. :D

It takes hardly any time for us to notice something completely amiss and they don’t even hide it: a classical piece of music accompanying a bloody fight between two monsters. Everyone is going to notice that this isn’t quite right, which then guides over into the next thought: the editing makes or breaks a scene. I think that’s the overall theme I took away from this episode. Metatron said that God posted the first draft and we’ve seen both Becky and Metatron edit God’s writing. The first conclusion we could draw is that God is not “editing” Sam and Dean’s story. But actually that doesn’t make a lot of sense because he couldn’t see Sam and Dean before either and they were fine. It’s maybe that he over-edits it. He throws problems in their ways that are... well, kind of what Becky wanted; the everday issues. Them dealing with laundry all day. This is the stuff we write, ad absurdum. And with monsters.

So the theory I’m going with right now is that Chuck is editing, just differently than before.

One preliminary thought regarding Garth: Were there no consequences to the Grace he had swallowed during AU Michael’s weird monster plan? What happened to that monster plan in general? Michael seems to be very bad at stragegizing.......

Dean’ shopping: The shop is called Berens’ quick trip. Berens is always sending us on a trip, though I think this one was Dabb’s fever dream. *lol* Lots of music for what is basically just showing Dean shopping. We see the guy giving Dean a ticket through the window but Dean’s oblivious, too focused on shopping. (Two six packs of beer. This might either show Dean indulging or Dean stocking up for Cas, not that Cas wants beer usually.)

Dean knows the store attendant by name, so I guess this is a place he goes to often, though I doubt it’s in Lebanon because of the high rises in the background?

What did Dean buy? Some beer, a magazine, some chips, something sweet he’s eating... How did that amount to over 40$? Why did he go buy that? Why not go to a proper store and buy proper food? Just beer and snacks? As someone who has to do her own shopping now this seems inefficient. (And my shopping center is in 5 minutes walking distance. *lol*) Also, I think I’ve seen people mention that the magazine is a cooking or baking magazine?

Also, here’s the first instance we have of Dean’s teeth hurting. Just stop eating the chocolate you silly man.

I have no compassion for Dean whining about getting a ticket. He’s not allowed to park there. Rules apply for you too, Mr. Winchester. I don’t like people who think they can do what they want. *thinks back to young snobby looking BMW driver who parked in the middle of a square in front of a bank and who got a ticket* *Schadenfreude* (That’s the kind of person I am. I like people who think rules don’t apply for them to be punished by the law.)

Sam’s scene in the kitchen: I assume it was Dean who had started cooking and then just walked away to get some more shopping done. This is merely based on my assumption that Sam doesn’t cook. We know that Sam sometimes does kinda stupid things like blowing on paper to make the fire go out... Touching things straight out of the oven and putting his hands on a hot pot are pretty thoughtless. And he’s clumsy apparently.

Also why the heck would he pull the pot from the stove? It wasn’t even boiling over. Just lower the temperature. Have you never been in a kitchen before, dude? And you’re not even cleaning up after yourself?

Dean and Sam discussing their issues: So Sam never trips? Both noticed right away that this was weird. Sam looks so offended. Like “I’m Sam Fucking Winchester, I don’t trip!”?

Also, did Sam say “dinner”? Is it already evening and they’ve just been hit with “normal person-itis” now? I see Sam’s watch but I can’t decipher it right. It it 5:35? What time of the year is it in canon? I was still light outside when Dean was shopping.

In the car on the way to Garth: A look, it’s dark now, which suppors the “they just randomly got hit with normal people problems. The music for this scene is also unusual.

I’m annoyed that Cas is in heaven. Why. Why is he up there? Why does SPN always stash Cas out of the way with random stuff? It would have been nice if there had been a phone call or something with Cas checking in or just a mention that Dean was driving back from dropping Cas off at the angel gate or whatever. It takes so little, makes such an impact for me. This? Sorry. It’s just not enough for me.

Why is the car giving up the ghost? Especially in such a weird way? Isn’t Dean constantly working on the Impala? This is not normal people problems either.

At Garth’s: So Sam and Dean walked like 16km? Couldn’t they have taken public transport OR a taxi like normal people...? Or call road assistance or Garth at least? I don’t know what it’s like in the US but that seems a bit extra, even for Sam and Dean.

Garth and Bess have an old style phone in their house, which is a random remark but it’s a nice deco object.

Garth’s Twins: I don’t quite understand why Garth calls the twins Sam and Castiel. What kind of connection does Garth have to Cas? Why not Sam and Dean? If only one of the brothers, why Sam? He has more of a connection to Dean after all? I don’t get it. Dabb just liking it when people prefer Sam and Dean has to roll his eyes at it? :/

Again with the weird, out of place music when they have a look at Bess’ cousin.

Dean and Garth: The dramatic music when Dean steps into the dentist’s room. *lol* And then his disquieted “you’re very strong” when Garth forced him. I think since Garth treats werewolves who might also have an aversion to the dentist, he’d be used having to use a bit of force *lol* Besides. I really love getting insight into how monsters deal with “normal people problems” because they have them too. It’s a shame that we don’t see more of that side to monsters. We only see those monsters who mess up after all, rarely those who try to blend in.

I might not know much about dentistry but I only had cotton stuffed into my bleeding mouth like that when I got my wisdom teeth out in an operation. Sure, I bleed a bit when I have appointment but not like that??? Just what did Garth do? Replace Dean’s teeth with werewolf teeth? *lol*

Sam and Bess: Dramatic music continues when Bess hands Sam the “cure” drink. It kind of frames the scenes as dangerous and at least it put me slightly on “confused edge” because the music made me think I couldn’t trust Garth and Bess. Sam’s struggles are kinda... over the top. I mean, we’ve seen Dean eat ghost pepper jerky and suffer, but Sam is suffering kinda ridiculously, like he’s been hit by a curse or something (i.e. still like he’s in the middle of a battle against some monster). Ew. Sam wiping his tongue on the arm he’s been sneezing and snotting into. Uff.

The tap dancing: Nice but I don’t really see the point in it >w< I guess normal people have normal funky dreams. And I guess Dean dreams of joyful things like dancing and having FOR ONCE gentle interactions with a lamp instead of always smashing them.

Talking about God and being heroes in a story: I like Garths’ approach to this topic and that he’s much more aware of story structures than the Winchesters seem to be. Why does Dean need a colonoscopy? (Angsty thought: does he have cancer...? Can werewolves smell it? Is that how it’s gonna end? Normal people problem killing Dean? Nope.)

Scene with the cousin: Poor Sam, he looks so upset when his “gentle request and puppy eyes” approach didn’t work. Though I like that it’s Bess who gets the guy to talk (like it’s Garth who gets the job done later on). I really like that monsters have normal people problems too. And it seems like the Winchesters are still very surprised about that.

Sam and Dean “job”: I think they’re being idiots here. Not only do they lack any evidence that the monsters who watch those fights are harming people, so they just kill them because they’re monsters? Also, it seems very unwise for two people alone to take on how many monsters?? No damn research done at all. And on top of that it seems really unwise to go on a case when they don’t know what else “normal people problems” entails while hunting. At least Sam might have been alarmed due to his sudden clumsiness... Just, stupid move on the Winchesters’ part.

Side note: Sam doesn’t seem to be comfortable saying anything at all. He still seems to be shocked by the werewolf’s diss.

Dean continues to be kinda dumb and I don’t exactly get why. They don’t know what they’re walking into, so they definitely need to be prepared and I can think of several examples where he was prepared for anything. And now that he can’t be sure of his “luck” he’s not gonna think twice about it? And him munching his grilled cheese, talking with his mouth full and “playing” with the gun wasn’t super endearing to me. Sorry, I know many found it cute *lol* And who vomits that loudly...? I mean... ew.

I liked that Dean tried to bluff his way out of the situation and maybe it would have worked in another situation...

Dean and Sam in cages: It makes no sense that not being able to pick locks is part of normal people problems because I’m sure they learnt how to pick locks over the years. So this, and their inability to fight later on (another thing they’ve learnt) just makes it clear that Chuck didn’t just remove them from “hero” status, but took away more than just their special skills.

Dean’s entire heartfelt speech doesn’t work either, neither on Sam or Dean, nor on the audience both because of how it’s filmed (no particular clear shot of Dean’s face and Sam constantly looking uncomfortable) and the variation of Dean’s theme.

What’s with Dean’s throat? I don’t understand what he said.

Garth saves the day: Dean’s awed “you are so strong” is cute! Why has he never been in awe of Cas’ strenght? Cas lifted a 1t anvil once and Dean didn’t even look at him amorously for it.

Man, there are a couple things I don’t understand here! Wish I had subtitles because I’ll probably only get what “we’re gotta get out of here blblblbl monstersquad” or “the monster squad bbbüb the good guys” means.

I think they might still be able to fight but whatever “hero” bonus they had was deleted and now it IS almost impossible to just knock out a monster. They did have more trouble in earlier seasons before they could just easily stick an angelblade into every monster and not even break much of a sweat. But the whole fight sequence is just a little bit too ridiculous for me...

Back at Garth’s home: The whole “this Cas keeps looking at me weird” scene is my highlight. I wonder if now that Dean and Cas are no longer locked into their defined roles (though I’m not sure if Chuck has written them with a specific dynamic, since he never seems to make use of Cas) Dean will notice more about Cas too ;D Though of course Dean does notice the way Cas looks at him (”the last time someone looked at me like that, I got laid” as a classic example). But still, maybe something to think about. Since a story does come with particular characters dynamics between heros and their supporting characters.

Dean saying that he could be an awesome dancer if he wanted to be is nice. The only thing he lacks is a partner to dance with. Though... He doesn’t lack a partner since he has Cas back now. He just needs to make the first move ;3

Baby clearly doesn’t want to go to Alaska. *lol*

Okay, that was a long post again, not structured at all, not edited, and it still took me multiple days to rewatch and type this up! Haha

#Supernatural #spoilers #15x10 spoilers

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hicsqueakfest · 5 years ago

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Hicsqueak Fest Prompt List!

Hi all! Here’s the prompt list for Hicsqueak Fest! You can request up to 3 prompts at a time. Once you finish your fics/arts, you can come back for more!

To claim your prompt, simply send an ask to @hicsqueakfest and copy/paste the prompt you want (you must have a tumblr username to do this). I will cross it off the list and put your name by it so it’s all yours. First come, first serve. Make sure you tell me if you’re claiming a FIC or ART prompt, because some of them are duplicates!

Prompts are divided by FIC (sub categories: AU, AR, Gen, Smut, Lyrics/Quotes) and ART.

HAPPY CLAIMING!

FIC

- Domestic Hicsqueak

- Hecate and Pippa are in an established relationship and see each other again after months apart. Could be smutty or domestic and cute.

- Hicsqueak first time. doesn't have to be sex (but it can be). It could be first time they do anything. Ie: ice skating together, first date, etc.

- Young Hicsqueak building staff/wand for Hecate to have more control over her magic and learning how to use it

- Pippa and Hecate dancing

- Pippa already knows about the confinement in S1, how she deals with all the little ways Hecate makes excuses to not do things; and how she eventually reacts to Hecate telling her about the confinement.

- Pregnancy fic - Hecate pregnant. Pippa being the best. Mildred minding her own business.

- Single parent Pippa meets her child’s teacher Hecate @ohlookitstomorrowff

- Hicsqueak flying together on a broom

- Domestic Hicsqueak (I need a lot of that)

- A series of firsts with Pippa, after Hecate is set free

- Hecate is clueless about how attractive she is, and Pippa tries her best not to be jealous (but she so is)

- Hicsqueak as parents (interpret "parents" however you want)

- Going hunting

- Going fishing

- Visiting a planetarium together

- Hurt/Comfort. Mistress Broomhead remarks in front of Pippa that Hecate "continues to have poor taste in companions." Pippa asks Hecate what Broomhead meant by it, and Hecate has to make a choice whether or not to reveal the whole Indigo incident.

- Miss Bat catches Hecate and Pippa out of bed past curfew, but instead of punishing them, she just mercilessly teases them about it for the rest of term.

- Gardening together

- Comparing stories of the weirdest stuff they confiscated from students

- Playing poker

- “Have you done this before?" @hovercraft79

- Forehead kisses

- Adventuring to find rare ingredients for Hecate's experiments that the school can't afford @cliotheproclaimer

- Visiting Pentangle's Academy for the first time

- Candlelight supper

- Hecate introducing Star to Pippa

- Playing Mario Kart

- Pippa shows Hecate all the video games she's confiscated from her students, one of which is Skyrim. (I bet Hecate would be a closet GTA5 player after)

- Ethel saw their first kiss and is about to cause havoc

- Playing billiards

- They have a fight at Cackle's and Pippa leaves but Hecate chases her and slams into the barrier and falls off her broom and that's how Pippa finds out about the confinement @allthosegaywitches

- What if Hecate encounters [a siren] and it takes the form of the person she desires most and Pippa is there to save her or vice versa

- There was a post not too long ago where it was discussed that its possible many girls had crushes on Hecate. So my prompt is: Pippa keeps them unknowingly all away from her Hiccup and years later at a reunion Hecate realized how many girls liked her while Pippa realizes how she really feels about Hecate.

- "I was afraid of what you'd think of me." @maybegarbo

- A fic about/involving musical harmony as a chant method - how did Pippa come to decide this was a better way of doing it, for example? (either gen or shippy)

- Hicsqueak picnic

- Pregnancy fic because there’s not enough of those... Bonus if Hecate is the pregnant one

- Fake dating

- Hicsqueak discovering their favorite ways to snuggle

- Pentangle's academy is under attack Pippa is struggling against the enemy but Hecate comes to protect and save her wife (and the academy)

- Pippa is injured/sick and Hecate takes care of her @cliotheproclaimer

- Hicsqueak wedding

- End of year, the graduating girls play pranks on the teachers and this year someone magicked a mariachi band to follow Hecate around ALL DAY and every time she vanishes them they just reappear with one more band mate

- Staff party at the end of the year Pippa is invited too; Hecate doesn't like those parties and so never shows up but since this year Pippa is going she might go as well too

- Mildred yelling, "Ethel, if you don't stop being a homophobe, DuRIng PRide mONth, then I will yeet you out the window!!!" @firesofthestars

- Fist fight

- Hecate visits Pentangle's

- Going to festivals together

- The first time Hecate sleeps outside of Cackle's, in Pippa's bed. She knows this is where she belongs.

- Hecate gets sick, Pippa takes care of her

- Accidental magic. Something silly preferable to angsty, but if angst calls to you then by all means. For example: the reason Hecate is nicknamed Hiccup is because accidental magic gave her a case of uncontrollable hiccups. that sort of thing.

- Going to conferences together

- Hicsqueak. Pippa asks Hecate why she didn't lift the confinement spell when she (Hecate) was the acting headmistress (mid season 2)

- Hicsqueak in the aftermath of s3, emphasis on Hecate dealing with her trauma and figuring out how to have a healthy relationship

- Hecate as Pippa's "knight in shining armour" (can be non-magical or magical and from gen to smutty, whatever you make of it). Basically the classic damsel-in-distress-scenario with a badass Hecate coming to the rescue. If swordfighting could be included, that would be awesome! @well-met-and-good-day-to-you-sir

- AND THERE WAS ONLY ONE BED

- Broomstick racing

- Fake Married trope!

- Smoking weed together

- Touring witch colleges together/touring the country together

- Camping in the forest (the one surrounding Cackle's or any other)

- Getting drunk together for the first time

- Cuddles

- Pippa-centric, missing Hecate through the years @emiline-northeto

- Hecate-centric, missing Pippa through the years

- After Hecate and Pippa reconcile, their familiars aren’t quite sure how they feel about it.

- Hicsqueak conference fic

- Hicsqueak day at the beach

- Young!Hicsqueak - Hecate lied to Pippa about what happened to Indigo

- "I don't think I ever stopped waiting for you."

- Pippa has always known about Hecate’s confinement and the hurt over the broomstick display came from her belief that Hecate didn’t have enough faith in them.

- Pippa finds out about Hecate’s confinement - and not from her.

- Fic where Hecate reconnects with her parents after the confinement is over - with Pippa’s support, of course.

- Hecate's favourite colour is pink

- "You're an idiot"

- Wedding fic

- Baby fic

- After the s3 finale, Hecate discovers the world with Pippa by her side

- 5 trips Hecate and Pippa take together

- 5 things Hecate wore that weren't her standard black dress @maybegarbo

- 5 times Pippa tapped Hecate's nose after Spelling Bee (bonus, but not obligatory: and one time Hecate tapped Pippa's) @shafeferi

- 5 times Hecate and Pippa almost kissed (and one time they did)

- Pippa gets abducted and Hecate loses it and tries to find her

- Heat-of-the-moment kissing

- Either of them gets implicated in a crime and there's ample evidence against them, so they go on the run, but the other is fiercely on their side and helps them any way they can / goes on the run with them

- Coming out

- Ace!Hecate @amillionmillionvoices

- Pippa is on the brink of getting married, and Hecate is heartbroken but doesn't think it's her place to say anything

- One year, seven months, three weeks and two days @ephemeral-winter

- 5 sunsets they saw together

- "Ask me to marry you again"

- Emotional scars

- Morning routine

- One day in the life

- Hecate is bored in a meeting and decides to text Pippa on her maglet, Pippa texts back immediately

- Pippa is ill, Hecate takes care of her and/or vice versa

- Doctor Who AU

- Persuasion (Jane Austen Novel) AU

- AU where they're Sirens and they have to deal with Odysseus. Or even about when Demeter gave the Sirens wings to search for Persephone

- MERMAIDS!

- Pirates

- AU in the Harlots universe @concreteangel1221

- Space commanders (Star Trek/Star Wars)

- Crime syndicate

- Street racers

- An AU where they go to Woodstock '69

- Middle earth

- Hecate lives above a bar, and is always angry about the noise. Pippa, the proprietor, has something to say about that.

- Westeros

- Titanic AU, except there was enough room on the door!

- Notting Hill AU

- Skyrim

- Witch in the Woods AU: Hecate does Pippa a favor, in exchange for her first-born child. But when Pippa shows up, distraught, 15 years later with a baby, Hecate wants no part of it. @merricatsgarden

- Georgian Era

- Bus drivers (bus driver... what bus driver?)

- Stealing a car together (au)

- Dragon trainer. Pippa is gifted a dragon and needs someone to help her train and handle it. Enter Hecate Hardbroom, the Dragon Whisperer.

- Detective AU (potentially a bit humorous, a la Tommy & Tuppence or Psych, for example)

- Hecate is a college professor and Pippa is an older student returning to get her degree and the two fall in love

- Fluffy Harry Potter au where Hecate frequents nocturne ally for potions ingredients.

- Hicsqueak Victorian au

- Flirting / UST

- Heatwave

- Business woman/bakery or tea show owner AU

- Library AU @hovercraft79

- Medical AU

- Teacher/parent au @thegeneralisalive

- Potions shop / magical pharmacy / similar au

- Soulmate au

- Spies / secret agents au

- Space au

- Princesses AU

AR (Alternate Reality)

- AU: the thirty years of separation didn't happen, what are their life like now? (Living together, happily married, children?) @captaintangledmess

- Hecate's ~25 years old, she is given one day out of Cackles, what does she do? (Run to Pippa + drama ensues? Go somewhere else? Try to get Pippas help and they live happily ever after?)

- A canon-divergance AU where Pippa does end up with Ada's job in s2 and they have to work as a team. Lots of angst material there

- Pre-Spelling Bee and ignoring the whole stupid s3 confinement plot. Hecate and Pippa run into each other over the years at events, conferences, etc. @pellucidthings

- Hecate gives up her magic to restore the founding stone at the end of s2 @amillionmillionvoices

- AU where Hecate DOES show up to the broomstick waterskiing display, but someone sabotages her broom, and she crashes. Lots of #feelings and Hicsqueak hurt/comfort

- Tattooed!Hecate AU where Pippa has no idea that almost every inch of her is inked until she undresses her for the first time... @maybemoira / MauraMae

- AU where Hecate’s ‘confinement’ is because she’s a werewolf. @maybemoira

Gen

- Gen-Hecate, she discovers she has a sister

- Hecate tutoring Mildred without being prompted or ordered to do so.

- Hecate supporting Maud during a difficult time @marvelousmadmadammim

- How Pippa came to found her school

- Dimity being a friend to Hecate after the events of s3

- Dimity and Pippa becoming friends at a staff party or conference

- A student comes out to Hecate, and she has to figure out how to handle it/how much to reveal about her own life

- 5 people Pippa came out to over the years (bonus + 1 she didn’t) @shafeferi

Lyrics/Quotes

- Bastille's song JOY. Either take a line or just the song in general

- ‘But I'm on my way back home / It's been hard to be away’ (Dying Day- Brandi Carlile.)

- Interpret the poem "One-Act Play In Which Not All Problems Can Be Solved, & Not All Problems Are Problems, But Even So, Some Are" by Dalton Day, for Hicsqueak in light of S3, especially the bit that goes "ME: I have hands. You said you are scared of things like hands. Are you scared of my hands? YOU: Yes. ME: You have hands, too. Are you scared of your hands? YOU: Yes. ME: What if we traded hands?"

- Take the poem "One-Act Play In Which We Float Facedown In the Center Of A Lake, A Position Known As The Dead Man's Float" by Dalton Day as your starting point. Make me cry.

- Baby take me outside / kiss me in the moonlight / i just want you to touch me / i don't wanna waste no time (léon - surround me)

- I am no good at goodbyes / i never was and i don't know why / tell me, tell me that it was love / that it was real, remember all / that you have me if you still want me / baby, i'm no good at goodbyes / i never was and i don't know why (léon - no goodbyes)

- Want You Back by HAIM

- Supercut by Lorde

- ‘Will you lie here for me?’ (Lizzie)

- ‘She’s seen the pain that comes with your displeasure’ (Lizzie)

- ‘Maybe some day I’ll walk in the open’ (Lizzie)

- ‘They tried to keep me down, but I said no’ (Lizzie)

- ‘Let me tell you losing is not a game I play’ (Lizzie)

- ‘I sit here in the darkness, waiting for the light’ (Lizzie)

- ‘I know I got ‘em beat’ (Lizzie)

- ‘Watch me fly away’ (Lizzie)

- ‘Maybe some day I’ll walk in the open’ (Lizzie)

- ‘Maybe some day we’ll tell the world’ (Lizzie)

- ‘Into your wildest dreams I’ll fly’ (Lizzie)

- ‘You’ll see my face in every night sky’ (Lizzie)

- ‘Lock away your secrets, lock away my life’ (Lizzie)

- ‘I was a trembling child’ (Lizzie)

- ‘But now I see my troubled soul reflected’ (Lizzie)

- ‘What I don’t see can never hurt me’ (Lizzie)

- ‘But I’m more afraid to stay’ (Lizzie)

- ‘Settle cozy dark as sleep’ (Lizzie)

- ‘I want to sleep with my eyes half open’ (Lizzie)

- ‘You didn’t choose what side you’re on’ (Lizzie)

- ‘I’m standing looking forward in the dark’ (Lizzie)

- ‘It’s just us girls’ (Lizzie)

- ‘Don’t let them see how the fire burns’ (Lizzie)

- ‘Who told you that?!’ (Lizzie)

- ‘Will you bite through the skin to the sweet truth within?’ (Lizzie)

- ‘Will you stay?’ (Lizzie)

- ‘In every room a prisoner of a long silent war’ (Lizzie)

- ‘Sometimes you say the words, but this is not love’ (Lizzie)

- ‘I know if I stay here longer it’s gonna turn out bad’ (Lizzie)

- ‘Would you let me comfort you, if you knew?’ (Lizzie)

- ‘I can barely breath tonight’ (Lizzie)

- ‘A secrets just a lie’ (Lizzie)

- ‘Every night I dream of you’ (Lizzie)

- ‘The violence of freedom’ (Lizzie)

- ‘My silver wings are pinioned with green gold’ (Lizzie)

- ‘I feel myself disintegrating’ (Lizzie)

- ‘Oh that I had wings like a dove’ (Lizzie)

Smut/NC17

- Pippa persuading and watching Hecate touch herself

- Hecate’s first visit to an “adult” toy store with Pippa as an equally wide-eyed guide.

- Pippa telling Hecate all the dirty things she wants to do to her

- Hicsqueak smut, not first time, they're both happy and confident in their sexuality and relationship

- Dom!Hecate has Pippa in "detention"

- Cuddle sex

- Angry sex

- Kisses/hugging/sexy times

- Pippa buying lingerie for Hecate and telling her how much she'd love for her to wear it // she does

- Hecate’s first time

- Hecate stripping for Pippa, feat. a nervous Hecate and a reassuring Pippa who has Hecate on her lap as soon as she can.

- Pippa calling Hecate "Good girl", Hecate calling Pippa "Miss Pentangle" during sex.

- 5 times hecate went down on Pippa

- "I hate this dress." / "then take it off me."

- Dom!Pippa telling Hecate when she can/can't cum - up to you if Hecate does or doesn't do as shes told.

ART

- Kisses! Sweet, passionate, you name it, any kiss. but Hicsqueak art of kisses would be really nice.

- Doctor Who AU

- MERMAIDS!

- Pirates @kayryn

- Space commanders (Star Trek/Star Wars)

- Crime syndicate

- Hecate stripping for Pippa, feat. a nervous Hecate and a reassuring Pippa who has Hecate on her lap as soon as she can.

- Street racers

- Middle earth

- Westeros @kayryn

- Pippa and Hecate dancing.

- Skyrim

- Georgian Era @kayryn

- Bus drivers (bus driver... what bus driver?)

- Cooking a full English breakfast together

- Afternoon tea @merricatsgarden

- Hecate's first trip to the beach, with Pippa

- Sunbathing

- "I don't think I ever stopped waiting for you."

- Swimming

- Swimming in a moonlit pond/pool. @merricatsgarden

- Stargazing

- Adult Hecate standing between Pippa and some idiot man/Headbroom trying to hurt her

- Want You Back by HAIM

- Supercut by Lorde

- Forehead kisses

- Hicsqueak kissing under the mistletoe (I know it's not really that time of the year sorry)

- Hicsqueak wedding

- Hicsqueak flying together on a broom

#hicsqueak #hicsqueakfest #hecate hardbroom #Pippa Pentangle #the worst witch #prompts

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thejacketandthehook · 5 years ago

Text

Breaking Dawn 6/?

Title: Before Dawn

Author: thejacketandthehook (aka everystareverywhere)

Summary: Emma Swan and Killian Jones only had one thing in common: Emma’s best friend and Killian’s brother were dating. But Emma and Killian could not get along. That was, until the day they had to work together through a tragedy that no one saw coming.

Rating: General (but that will change to Mature in later chapters)

Word Count: 22,955

Disclaimers: I own absolutely nothing.

Author’s Notes: So, I’ve been in the mist of writing this particular story for almost two years. And I’m hoping that if I have support, I’ll be more motivated to finish it. So my story is based off of the movie “Life As We Know It” starring Katherine Heigl and Josh Duhamel. And below is the first chapter. I hope you enjoy.

You can also read it here: A03

@searchingwardrobes

When you lived with someone, it became easier and easier to learn the little things about them. Things that no one else was privy too, or was even aware of. And there were things about Killian Jones that Emma came to realize. And most of them were actually good things, even though she couldn't believe that. For instance, she was surprised to learn that unlike her, Killian was actually a morning person. Which was a good thing, considering that he worked on the docks and often had to be there just as the sun was rising. He was also up by the time Henry started to stir, so that also was a major plus for him. Also, that he never drank coffee. Not that he was much of a tea person, but coffee was something that just "tasted disgusting." Emma almost dropped her coffee mug when he proclaimed that one morning. Also, he was exceptionally neat. Everything had its place, and it just made sense to keep it all organized.

And he could cook. Not just heat up some spaghetti and meatballs cook, but actually cook. She was stunned when one day she came from home work to the house smelling like meat, garlic, and onions. Emma almost floated to the kitchen, her nose her guide as she took in that magnificent smell. For someone who basically lived off of ramen noodles, the smell coming from the kitchen might as well have been from heaven. Her mouth watered, her stomached growled (she didn't even realize she was hungry) and her mind could think of nothing but what was making that wonderful smell. She was expecting to see Mary Margaret in the kitchen - as sexist as that sounded, Emma was certain that Mary Margaret could cook like a master chef; she just had that look. So she was stunned when she saw Killian actually putting a huge pan of something into the oven and look over his shoulder as he closed it. "Ah," he said, either ignoring Emma's jaw that hit the floor, or not noticing it. "Dinner should be ready in about a half hour. The mashed potatoes have to turn a slight golden color."

"What are you--" There was so much moisture in Emma's mouth, it was almost embarrassing. She was acting like Pavlovs' freaking dogs! "What are you making?"

"Sheppard Pie. A classic back in England." He wiped his hands on the towel beside the stove before working on the dishes that piled up in the sink.

Emma dropped her bag on the table and said, "I got it. I'll do the dishes. After all, you made dinner."

He smiled. "I can live with that." He stepped aside and wiped his hands again.

But the surprises just kept on coming.

"Wait, you can play the guitar?" Emma asked dumbly almost a month after Mrs. Gold's appearance. She watched Killian take a guitar out of the case and put the strap for it around his body.

He raised an eyebrow and looked up at her from under his hooded brows. He looked back down as he started to tune it. "See how I'm holding a guitar and currently tuning it, that could give you some indication."

"Just because I know how to turn an engine on doesn't mean I'm a racecar driver," she responded, crossing her arms tightly across her chest.

He chuckled light. "Touché."

Or the fact that he knew how to sail a boat. And not a little motorboat, no, but an actual boat, with sails and such. He's talked about bringing Henry out onto the water with him, but that Emma put her foot down. She's sure that he's great at sailing, but doing so with a baby a little over a year old? No. That she would not agree to.

"Why don't you come too?" he would ask.

Emma would shake her head no, with no explanation, and leave the room.

Of course, though there were things about Killian that made her raise an eyebrow. He had traits that continually got under her skin.

His language was something that Emma had to continually tell him to watch, especially since Henry should be saying his first coherent word any day now. Emma would die if his first coherent word was "bloody."

He also kept forgetting that he wasn't living in a bachelor pad anymore. He would hog the television for hours, watching a soccer match after soccer match. Emma had no idea how he could stand to watch people running around after a ball and call that entertainment.

What drove her crazy, in all honestly, was how freaking amazing he was with Henry. Sometimes, just a few times, Emma watched Killian with Henry and in the back of her mind she could see why Elsa thought she and him would have been good together. He loves Henry, that's a no brainer. And he doesn't mind being silly, if it makes the baby laugh. Killian's favorite thing to do was to blow on Henry's tummy, make him squeal and laugh at the same time. And in moments like that, Emma smiled because she forgot that her best friend was gone and she was suddenly taking care of their house, their child, what should have been their future. When she saw Killian with Henry, she almost wanted to turn around and tell Elsa that maybe he wasn't so bad. She would never admit that she liked him, but she could say that she more than tolerated him.

Emma wasn't the only one who was surprised at learning the little things about Killian. The man himself was shocked to learn the little tidbits that made up Emma Swan. Like how she was not a morning person. Get her up before seven, and you might as well be asking for a suicide mission. One morning, when Henry was crying nonstop while Killian was in the shower, she had gotten up to take care of him. Killian was surprised when he walked into the kitchen, rubbing his wet head with a towel, to find Emma still in her pajamas (a baggy shirt and boxer shorts that made his heart speed up in a way he really didn't like), her hair a huge mess and black circles under her eyes while Henry was nipping at the pieces of bagel as he sat in his highchair. When she saw Killian, she muttered, "Yours" as she passed him, presumably going back up to bed. For reasons he didn't know, he couldn't stop thinking about that morning for weeks.

Or that she was messy. She left dirty cups in the sink and it seemed like her supply of shoes just kept multiplying. Though he didn't really like going into what they called her bedroom (which at one time was the guest room), he had to once to put jewelry back in her room before Henry got it. Though the bed was made, the rest of the room liked like a bomb exploded; clothes everywhere, shoes that he was sure she stepped on continuously, and a garbage can overflowing with trash.

She also ate like she was in high school. If Emma had her way, they would eat nothing but grilled cheese sandwiches and onion rings. While Killian agreed that both of those things were amazing, neither one of them could (or should) eat that every day. When he inquired what she did with Walsh, she simply shrugged and said, "We discuss what take-out we're going to get. Neither of us cook."

But he also noticed how, when she got home from the work, the first thing she did was go over to kiss Henry on the head. Whether he was sleeping, watching television, or just babbling to himself, she always kissed him on the head. Or that at least once a week, she needed to have a glass wine at dinner. Or she was always ordering stuff for Henry through Amazon. He didn't know why he liked knowing these things about her; he just did. It almost tickled him to know that he was probably the only person who knew that Emma cried whenever that commercial about the two people falling in love over gum came on. Okay, maybe "cried" was the wrong word; more like she teared up. Point being that she was a woman who had a lot of walls up and she didn't like to show too much emotion. So when she did around him, he felt honored. Like he was being rewarded for good behavior or something. He liked it.

What he didn't like was the Walsh probably knew what she looked like first thing in the morning too. Or that she was messy. Or that she licked Nutella off of a spoon when she was stressed. She watches The Princess Bride (and had the whole movie memorized) when she's upset. He knew he was the only one who saw her get emotional, because he knew what she was like around other people. But when you live with someone, you can't put your walls up 24/7. And he liked that. He liked that he saw her tear up, show emotions.

He just couldn't understand why he didn't like Walsh knowing things about her too. It was like he wanted to keep her a secret or something. He didn't want other people knowing things about her. It was stupid, idiotic. He told himself that constantly. But that didn't stop the pang of something deep in his gut when he saw her stumbling into the kitchen and automatically going to the coffee maker. Because Walsh, he was sure, has seen her like that. And he didn't like it. Not one bit.

He told Robin about his problems, during one of his nights off that he got. Emma and he kept pretty close to their schedules, which helped trying to balance their once normal lives for what they were living now.

Robin, however, was useless. He just simply chuckled and told Killian that Emma was getting under his skin. "Better watch it, mate," he said, gulping his beer. "You might find yourself falling for her."

"Not bloody likely," he said, gulping his drink as well.

~*~

Emma forgot it could get this hot.

It was a muggy and humid 95 degrees Fahrenheit, and it only day two of what to seemed to be the week literally from Hell.

"Good Lord, I didn't think Maine could get this hot," Killian said one late evening. He stood in front of the small fan that they found in the basement, trying to cool himself off.

"I can't believe they didn't have central air," Emma commented, bouncing Henry on her lap, though how he kept laughing was beyond her. Her lap was all sweaty, and he himself had small sweat beads along his forehead. When she noticed that, she quickly wiped at it with a damn towel before giving him his bottle filled with water.

"It's an old house, Swan. The cost of that would have been outrageous. Plus, who knew it could ever have such a long heat wave in Maine?"

"The meteorologists say we've broken a new record,"

"Well, I will always remember where I was the week we had a heat wave that broke a record," he said, moving away from the fan before clasping in the chair. His shirt was undeniably soaked through, and Emma most certainly was glad he didn't take it off. Because she didn't need to see him with his hair chest glory. Not that she knew what he looked like without a shirt--Wait, no. That wasn't actually true. There was that one summer that Liam and Elsa took Killian and Emma to the beach once. They only did it once because Emma and Killian fought so much, no one really could enjoy themselves. She even commented when he took his shirt off that no one wanted to see that. He gave a remark that made her roll her eyes and stick her tongue out at him.

"I'm sorry," Elsa had remarked after she watched their exchange. Liam and Killian were walking over to the water, and Emma was so happy to have a few minutes of quiet. However, she could tell from Elsa's tone that what she was about to say would not be a genuine apology, but rather a comment. "But are you two twelve-years-old?"

Suffice to say, neither Emma nor Killian went with them to the beach again.

Killian continued with his rant. "I was in a house with no air conditioner, sweating my --"

"Killian," Emma said sternly before purposely looking down at Henry who was watching his uncle with the upmost fascination.

He changed paths. "Sweating profusely."

"There is an air conditioner," Emma finally remembered.

"What? Where?"

She took a deep breath. "In the Master."

Killian's eyes looked up towards the stairs. "Oh."

They were silent. It had been four months since....the funerals, and neither of them have stepped foot inside of that room.

Henry started munching at his hands, getting them all wet. "Oh, he's biting his hands again." Killian got up and went to the freezer to get him his teething toy.

Killian gave him the toy, and Henry started happily biting at it. "We have to do it, Swan."

"I know."

"For Henry's sake."

"Of course."

Killian walked over to the stairs. Emma picked Henry up and held him against her hip. "We can do this," she told him, as well as herself.

"I know. It's just..."

She took his hand in her empty one and squeezed before dropping it. "I know."

He nodded. She did know. That's why doing this with her, just going into this room...She knows what that means. No one else would truly understand, but she gets it.

They went upstairs and walked down the hallway together. When they got to the room, Killian took a deep breath before opening the door. It creaked and slowly opened. Emma straighten Henry on her hip before fixing her shoulders and walked into the room.

She almost wanted to walk right back out.

Here's the thing with unexpected deaths: everything looks normal on the surface. And that's what killed Emma. Because everything looks normal. Elsa's make-up table was waiting for her to come back. In fact, her little stool was pushed back just enough, probably from the last time she sat in it. Liam's shoes were lined up in front of the closet, waiting for him to come back and pick one to wear. The remotes for the television and Amazon Fire were sitting on top of each other on the nightstand, next to the book Liam was reading, a bookmark poking out of it. The pillows were crooked and Elsa's dresser had clothes sticking out of it and it was just a little too much. Because this room....This was Elsa and Liam's private place. Of course Emma was in here before, and Killian was too. Just usually with either Elsa or Liam.

Killian walked in next to Emma and took her hand. "We can do this," he reminded her. "For Henry."

The little boy in Emma's arms had no idea what was going on around him, and kept munching on the ice in his hand. Emma rubbed the back of his head as Killian stepped further into the room and over to the air conditioner. It took Killian a few seconds to figure out why it wasn't turning on ("Plugging it in usually helps." "Shut up, Swan.") but then the machine started making the sounds of turning back on and suddenly the place was finally going to cool down.

Emma sat down with Henry on the bed, the little boy dropping his ice before getting up and jumping on the bed. He was falling more than he was standing up, but he was laughing.

"Careful lad," Killian insisted before walking over to him. He held Henry's hands, who now more stable, jumped even more.

Emma couldn't relax, and instead walked over to Elsa's vanity. Elsa loved her make-up, and had more brushes that Emma had ever used in a lifetime. Though make-up was never high on Emma's list of needs, she knew how foundation worked, and mascara, and eye shadow and such. But when you get into highlighter and eyelash curler, Emma shook her head. She had no idea how those things worked, and honestly didn't care at this point. Oh, she wouldn't care if Elsa put it on her, in fact she loved those nights when Elsa wanted to test a new product on someone and Emma was a willing subject. She herself just had no idea how to use it.

"Oh, I forgot they had Netflix in here," Killian said, sitting on the bed as Henry cuddled up next to him. "What do you want to watch, lad? Mickey Mouse?"

Emma smiled over at them before going and sitting next to Henry on the bed. Henry started sucking his thumb and within minutes of watching Killian try to find something that would entertain him, he was tight asleep.

Emma leaned back on the bed, prompting herself up on the pillows. Killian then leaned back as well, and noticing that Henry was sleeping, whispered to Emma, "Want to watch anything on Netflix?"

"Are we going to Netflix and chill?" As soon as the words were out of her mouth, Emma wished for them to come back in. She closed her eyes and pursed her lips, certain that Killian was going to make some comment. After all, she opened the door to it.

But when she heard nothing but the sound of the air conditioner, she opened her eyes and saw him just looking at her with a small grin.

"Did you just position me? Because --"

"Oh, shut up," she muttered as she fidgeted.

Surprisingly, he stopped talking. She gave him a small glance (he was still grinning) before looking back at the screen. Killian was clicking through the choices before --

"That one!" she said.

He stopped before looking at her. With a raised eyebrow he asked, "Lucifer?"

She shrugged. She didn't want to admit that she had a small crush on Tom Ellis, from watching him in a British show that she had stumbled across a year ago named Miranda. She especially didn't want to point out that Tom Ellis was British, with dark hair, and (from what she saw in interviews on Youtube) was a total dork. She especially didn't want to point that out because if Tom Ellis had blue eyes, it would sound like she was describing the man sitting next to her.

"I heard it was good," was her only defense.

Killian looked at her before pressing the play button. "Let's see if you're right, Swan."

~*~

They watched the first three episodes before falling asleep during the fourth. They tried to stay awake, but the heat and a one-year-old will do that to you.

~*~

It was a Tuesday night, which meant that Emma was blessedly free. However, Mary Margaret wasn't picking up her phone and Emma really didn't feel like making small talk with Regina, so she was kind of just hanging out in her bedroom. She should go out. Go to a club for a while. Or a bar, at least. Maybe see a movie. It was weird seeing a movie by yourself, but Emma read somewhere that it was actually a wonderful experience. Or she could call Walsh and spend some time with him. She saw him on Sunday, but for some reason she just didn't want to spend another night hanging out in his apartment or going to some restaurant. She was so sick of eating out. Killian made such wonderful meals, she was actually getting spoiled.

She was thinking of maybe reading a book when she could hear the sounds of someone (hopefully Killian) running up the stairs and towards her room. Without knocking, he slammed opened the door and before she could yell at him about privacy or ask him if Henry was alright, he said, "Mary Margaret's in labor."

Emma jumped off her bed before asking, "How do you--?"

"I just saw David bringing her to the car. He said her water broke."

"Oh, they must be so thrilled! They're gonna keep us updated?"

"I asked David to do so, but I bet he's gonna be really busy."

"Right of course. We should go see them, when the baby arrives."

He nodded. "I was thinking that too. We should bring flowers. Or something."

"Maybe food. Don't women want regular food after they give birth?"

He raised an eyebrow. "How would I bloody know?"

"I just meant--I don't know either, but I'm sure that that would be a good idea."

"Whatever you say, love. I'll keep you updated."

"Yes, please."

Hours had passed and they still hadn't heard a word. Neither were too concerned, though. Emma, especially, remembered Elsa's delivery with Henry. Though Emma had been patiently waiting in the lobby for any update, she was told later by Liam that Elsa yelled insults at him that would have made a sailor blush. "But," he smiled down at his boy, "twenty hours of labor was worth it for this fellow."

"I don't see you pushing a baby out of your body," a slightly drugged up Elsa retorted.

"Nor will you ever see that." Liam then leaned down and lightly kissed his wife's forehead. "You're bloody amazing, though."

Emma was actually at work the next day, trying not to roll her eyes at Graham as he once again missed the bullseye badly, when her phone rang.

"Killian?"

"Yeah, David said she had the baby."

Emma practically bounced in her seat. "And...?"

"And what?"

"Killian!"

He chuckled. "A boy. Mummy and baby are fine."

Emma smiled wistfully. "A boy. Does he have a name?"

"No, not yet. When is your lunch break? I'll come by and pick you up."

"On what, your motorcycle?"

"No, love, the...Liam's car. I found the keys."

"Oh. I get off in--" she looked down at her watch "-half an hour."

"I'll be there."

When she hung up, Graham was looking over at her. "What?"

"Nothing. Just sounded so...domestic."

"Shut up. You try living with someone for three months and not sound domestic from time to time."

"It's not a bad thing, Emma. I'm actually quite proud of you."

"Proud?"

"Yeah. You are living a, dare I say it? Normal life with a man you can barely tolerate. I'm proud of you."

"Shut up, Graham."

Sure enough, a half hour later, Killian pulled up in Liam's CRV. Emma jumped into the passenger's seat before taking a deep breath. "Did you stop at Granny's?" She said, referring to the diner that both Killian and Emma have considered to be their second home. Which is ironic, considering that was where their first date was held.

"Aye. I got Mary Margaret a turkey sandwich, unsure if she would want to eat anything more than that. But I also got you a grilled cheese."

Emma reached behind her to pull out her sandwich as Killian backed up and pulled out of the parking lot. "Oh, my God, thank you! I've been craving one all day." As she opened the container she asked, "Henry's at day care?"

Killian gasped before saying, "Damn it! I knew I forgot something!"

Emma almost dropped her sandwich, ready to turn this car around and go back home before he chuckled. "I'm kidding, love. Aye, Henry's at daycare."

She shook her head before muttering, "I hate you."

Killian smiled, knowing that she was just saying that.

~*~

They walked quickly into the hospital, smiling from ear to ear. Emma barely remembers even asking the nurse for Mary Margaret's room number, but luckily Killian caught the number and lead her down the hallway.

Knocking gently, Emma slowly opened the door to reveal an exhausted looking Mary Margaret on the bed and David standing by the windows, gently bouncing a buddle of blankets in his arms.

"Can we come in?" she asked.

"Of course! Of course!" Mary Margaret insisted as she gestured for them to come further into the room.

"Congratulations you guys," Emma commented before going over to Mary Margaret. On sudden impulse, Emma leaned down and quickly gave the new mother a quick peck on the cheek. Mary Margaret looked surprised by this, but other than giving a small smile said nothing.

"Yes, congrats to you both," Killian said before placing the bag from Granny's on the small table in front of Mary Margaret. "We brought this, thinking you might actually want food instead of flowers."

"Oh, that's a lovely thought," Mary Margaret replied, tears gathering in her eyes. "Sorry, sorry. I'm an emotional rollercoaster right now." She reached over for a tissue before wiping her eyes and giving a small laugh. "You're gonna have to excuse me."

"Of course love," Killian said with a small smile.

"Is that him?" Emma asked as she walked over to David.

David smiled down at his son. "Yes. May I introduce you two to Mr. Leo Nolan."

Emma leaned over David, gently holding onto his shoulder. "Hello Leo. It's a pleasure to meet you."

"Hi Leo," Killian said, also smiling over at the boy. He looked back over at Mary Margaret. "And how are you feeling?"

She shrugged. "Probably as good as I look."

"You look bloody amazing."

"That's what I told her!" David insisted.

Mary Margaret scoffed. "He lies and you swear to it," she said as she shook her head.

"Do you want to hold him?" David asked Emma.

"Sure!" she exclaimed before dropping her purse on the chair and holding her arms out for the newborn. She remembers the first time she held Henry, and is once again surprised by the weight of the baby. Or rather, the lack of one. "God, how can babies be so light?" she remembered asking Liam and Elsa. "I've held books heavier than him."

"Hi Leo," she said now to the baby in her arms. "It's so very nice to meet you."

"Can I hold him?" Killian asked.

"Of course," Mary Margaret said as David squeezed in next to her on the bed.

Emma handed Leo over to Killian, who gently took him in his arms. He began very gently bouncing Leo, and Emma tried very hard not to smile at the imagine.

When she looked over at the couple on the bed, she noticed David watching Killian with a small smile that new fathers can never seem to get rid of, but saw Mary Margaret looking straight at her with a smile of her own.

"What?" Emma asked, but Mary Margaret simply shook her head and looked over at Killian.

~*~

Emma and Killian were walking down the hallway talking about Leo and leading back towards the lobby when Emma turned her head to the left. It wasn't like she saw something out of the corner of her eye, or even that a voice in her head said to turn left. She just did. And she saw the hallway. The hallway that only a few months ago she, Killian, and Walsh ran down to get to the stairs. The hallway that would lead her to the biggest change in her life (and for her, that was a pretty big deal).

"Swan!?"

Emma quickly looked in front of her to see Killian about four feet ahead. He walked back, his eyebrows knitted together, concern all over his face. "Swan? Are you okay? I called you a couple of times, and you just stopped walking."

"Yeah, no. No, I'm fine. I am. I just..." She looked back down the hallway. Just like in movies, she could almost see three ghosts running down the hallway, heading towards the stairs. She wanted to burst into tears. How could she be so happy just minutes ago, so happy about a life coming into this world, when her best friend and her husband died in this very building just months ago? How could she walk into this hospital and not even pause for a moment to remember them?

Was she forgetting them?

Emma almost had to stop the gasp of breath from leaving her mouth, but knew that she couldn't stop the tears gathering up in her eyes. She was moments away from losing it, she just knew it.

Killian gently touched her arm. "Emma? Love, what is it? What's going on?"

Emma simply nodded her head towards the hallway. She knew that Killian understood, because a moment later he just simply went, "Oh."

So gently, Emma almost didn't even realize it at first, Killian put his arm around her shoulder and guided her to the exit. They said nothing, both holding back tears as they walked to the car.

When Killian unlocked the car, Emma ran towards the passenger's seat and opened the door as quickly as she could. The door hadn't even shut before she let out a loud gasp and the tears that had been threatening to fall, came quickly down her face. She took a loud breath as Killian got into the car and shut the door, his head falling back onto the head rest.

"I didn't even think about them!" she sobbed. "How could I not remember them when we got here?"

"Because of the baby," he said quietly, though she was sure that his voice was shaking. She couldn't see through the tears in her eyes, but she was certain that he was crying too.

"But I didn't give them one thought, Killian! Not one thought! What kind of friend am I?"

Killian gave no response. Or maybe he did and she didn't hear it. She was sobbing so hard, her head pounding from the lack of oxygen and how hard she was crying.

She didn't know how long she was crying in the car, whether it was a few minutes, or more like thirty, but when she calmed down enough to take deep breathes, she noticed that Killian was holding out napkins.

"Thanks," she muttered before taking them and blowing her nose in a completely unladylike manor. Then she rubbed her eyes and when she looked at the napkin, it was all smudged from her mascara. Great, she thought, I probably look like a raccoon.

She kept rubbing her eyes, reminding herself to breath as she did so. When she finally calmed down enough, she looked over at Killian. And then she wanted to break down again. Because he was not unaffected by her outburst. His eyes were bloodshot and his face was all red, probably from crying and then rubbing his face with the rough napkins.

"We're not forgetting them, Emma," he said when they both calmed down. "You're not...You're not a bad friend."

She sniffed, but said nothing.

Reaching over, he gently took her hand in his as he said, "I read...I read a quote once...'Babies remind us that time moves on.' And it's true. That's all that happened here, Emma. Leo...Leo is the future. Henry is the future. But Liam and Elsa...they are never far from my mind, and I know that Elsa is never far from yours. So, no, you're not a bad friend. You're just thinking about the future. As we all should be. And you know," he squeezed her hand as he continued, "you know that Elsa would kick your ass right now. And Liam would kick mine. We just saw a newborn baby, Emma. And that's a beautiful moment."

She nodded before doing something she never in a million years thought she would do.

She leaned over and kiss him on the cheek.

When she pulled back, she simply whispered, "Thank you." He gave her a small nod before letting go of her hand and turning on the engine.

#csfanfiction #cs ff #captain swan #fanfiction #once upon a time fanfiction #once upon a time #emma swan #killian jones

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jkl-fff · 6 years ago

Note

JKL I cannot stress this enough. ANSWER ALL OF THEM.

Heh. Why pick when you can just request all of them, right?Here we go, then (and thanks for the asks!)

Slightly Invasive Gay Asks

1. What’s your gender?

Hmm … Since I find the idea ofconceptual genders rather poetic (not recognized terms, but abstractdescriptions), I’ll give one of those: quirky and enthusiasticlanguage-literature-writing teacher who unironically uses a lot of Uncle Irohgifs and giggles like Scooby-Doo when someone make a particularly potent pun. Also, I’m a cis man with inclinations more towards non-toxic masculinity.

2. What are your pronouns?

He/His Grace, preferably, thoughI’ve no problem with people using Him or They/Them, I suppose.

3. Is your family accepting?

I’m fortunate enough to say theyare. Mom’s still worried about my spiritual and emotional well-being—about mefinding happiness, and worrying it might not happen like this—but that’s justwhat moms do.

4. What do you wish you could tell your past self?

Righteousness and Wickedness aresocial constructs propagated and perpetuated by authority figures to maintainan ideology which benefits them. So is “God the Father” (and Jesus Christ andthe Holy Ghost) as you conceive of them, or as anyone else ever conceives ofthem. You are *free* to do *whatever you want* so long as it doesn’t infringeon the freedom of others.

This means, boyo, that being gay isn’t a sin.Which is good, because you are gayer than a fruit bat. Just embrace it already,and you’ll be a lot more at peace with yourself and the universe.

5. What is your sexuality?

Hella gay,my dudes. Hella gay.If I wanted to expand further,I’d add placiosexual (I get off on pleasuring other people more than being pleasured).

6. Favorite color?

A deep and rich purple, like Tyrianor Imperial purple. Though I am increasingly fond of light pinks. And black is always in season.It’s funny, but as a kid I’d always say dark blue because I didn’t want peopleto think I was gay. Naturally, purple was the gay color, while blue was a safe“boy’s color” … for reasons … Isn’t heteronormativity absolutely silly?

7. Sun Gay or Moon Gay?

Moon, I guess? The sun is sogarishly bright. Even harshly so. But the moon is tastefully understated—just reallyelegant, y’know?—and also gentle and cyclical.

8. When did you find out your sexuality?

This is a rather difficult questionto tackle thanks to the cognitive dissonance imposed by heteronormativity …

Onsome level, I *had* to have known since I started masturbating regularly (atage 13 or 14), because I only ever fantasized about other boys and guys. And I *was*aware of this on some level. However, the very idea of being gay was soinconceivable for a mormon boy (and socially stigmatized thanks to thepejorative use of the word “gay” to mean basically “stupid” from elementarythrough high school), that I refused to recognize it for years. Like, I was soinvested in being a good, mormon boy that I truly fully planned to follow themormon track of serving a religious mission for 2 years, marrying a woman inthe temple (big thing for mormons, that temple marriage), and probablyeventually having a kid or two (though I’ve never actually wanted to havechildren).

Ergo, it wasn’t until I was 19 and on a mission in France, working and livingnonstop with other guys (most of whom were quite good-looking AND had notrouble lounging around in their underwear when we were at home), that I couldno longer lie to myself. That was when I consciously recognized and consciouslybegan to struggle against “the burden of Same Sex Attraction” (as mormons insiston calling it) through “the power of faith” in Ja-eeee-sus Chrys’theLORD.

You can extrapolate from the present-day contents of my blog (and the abovesarcasm) how successful that was. Honestly, I’m rather surprised thepsychological distress such internalized and slow-toxic homophobia caused neverdrove me to take a leap of faith off a building at some point between ages 20and 25.

But those dark days were over when, at 25, I fell in love for the first time,and decided that there wasn’t much sense in being miserable, self-loathing, andlonely anymore. That’s when I started the process of coming out.

So … take your pick, I guess: it’s 13, 19, or 25.

9. How was your day?

Apart from sleep deprivationweighing me down (which is my own fault, as I stayed up late writing, then hadto get up early to lesson plan), it was grand! Went to work in the afternoonand got a good workout there moving freight, then went to teach my French classin the evening and had a ball while doing it!

10. Do you have any gay friends?

Bitch, at this point, I’m wonderingif I have any *straight* friends.Seriously, though, I do have some straight friends. But my closest friends areall openly queer in one way or another.

11. What’s your favorite hobby?

Taekwon-Doand writing.

12. Who’s the best gay icon in your opinion?

Garnet, anthropomorphicrepresentation of a now-married, WLW couple WHO KICKS ALL OF THE ASS BECAUSESHE IS MADE OF LOVE A N D I T I S S T R O N G E R T H A N Y O U, J A S P E R!

13. Which Pride flags do you like the most design/colorwise?

Hard not to love the classic Gay Priderainbow, since it accessorizes with everything, though I prefer one thatexplicitly makes sure to include PoC, such as this one:

(Does anyone know who made this one?I saved a copy when I first saw it, because it’s fantabulous,but have never seen the post for it again.)

For the colors, the Bi and theTrans flags are quite lovely combinations, too.

14. Are you openly out?

You tellme:

Yeah, I wear this everyday becauseI got tired of people even contemplating the possibility that I might bestraight.

15. Are you comfortable with yourself?

More-or-less, and I think more thanless as time goes on. There are still bad days, but … once I understood thatbeing kind to people *also* means being kind to *myself*, it became a loteasier to become comfortable with myself. AND also easier to actually recognizeand work constructively on the parts of me I wished to improve.

16. Bottom or Top?

As a matter of principle, I striveto at least *be willing* to be verse—strive to never ask for anything I’m notwilling to give back, but … I definitely prefer to take charge and Top (evenwhen, or especially when, still giving manual or oral pleasure).Who knows, though? Maybe I just haven’t been topped right.

17. Femme or Butch?

Bold of you to assume I have aconsistent style.Seriously, though, im be Butch, I guess? I don’t really seek to present in afeminine way, so by default that make me Butch … Right? I dunno.

18. Do you bind?

Only myroot foot to strengthen it against a lingering ankle injury when I go to work.

19. Do you shave?

Only when I have to tidy up mybeard. No one shall see all of my face EVER AGAIN!

20. If you could date anyone you wanted, who would it be?

Right now, it’d be a coworker ofmine named Justin. He’s just … such an adorkable nerd with a really upbeatpersonality, and I find him very cute. And physically attractive, too. Like,damn, have you *seen* his assets? (obviously you haven’t, but trust me, they’requite pleasing assthetically)Unfortunately, he’s already married to another guy, who I hope knows he’sdamned lucky.

21. Do you have a partner (s)?

Alas, I donot. I’ve been somewhat unlucky in love.

22. Describe your partner (s)?

Hidden from me—hidden somewhere outthere, hopefully searching for me as I search for him … hopefully soon to crossmy path …

23. Have you ever dated anyone of the same sex?

I thinkabout 10 different guys. Obviously, none of them worked out.Some of them might have, but Iwasn’t ready at the time, and now it’s too late … Oh well. Life goes on.

24. Anyone of another sex?

Technically, I suppose I’ve been ontwo dates with women. For the first (a double date) we were theoretically goingto a high school dance … but none of us were really into that when we gotthere, so instead we just drove around in her truck and made her stuffedpenguin heckle other drivers. The second was a few years later, and we went to a young, single adults gameevening after having dinner with her family. Annnnnd … that’s it.

25. Pastel Gay or Goth Gay?

I ain’tgoth, that’s for sure. But I’m not sure I’m pastel, either …

26. Favorite dad in Dream Daddies?

While I’ve never played the game,the most physically attractive one to me is the redheaded bear. Mostly becauseanyone else who might be physically attractive to me ruins the effect with amustache (THEY HAVEN’T BEEN STYLISH SINCE THE 70s, AND EVEN THEN THEY LOOKEDSTUPID!) or by being unrealistically sculpted (and I am *not* into that; I likemy men to look like they actually exist in the real world).

27. Tell me a random fact about yourself.

I have, like, over 20 neckties leftover from my mission days. I hardly ever use them anymore because I loathedressing up … but I have used them for some fun with other guys, and hope I getto do so again, soon.

28. Do you own any Pride flags/merch?

Just the rainbow bracelets picturedabove … and also a pair of rainbow socks, though those were actually procuredfor (not by) me … so I could officiate a *straight* couple’s marriage,ironically.

29. Have you ever been to a Pride Parade?

I’ve been to three. The first twowere … alright, I guess. Like, it was exciting to go to something so openlyqueer—so loud and proud—the first time (even if I had to hurry home for churchstuff for my little brother’s mission homecoming … let me tell you, that was a dayof extremes). And fun to go with my then boyfriend for the second.But … I dunno … There was a big crowd, and a lot of noise and heat (what withit being the middle of June). Introverted ol’ me wanted to go home—or at leastsomeplace quiet an cool—after about an hour, because the novelty had worn offby then.

The third, however …I was visiting my aunt in Washington D.C. That Sunday morning, we were walking tosome of the Smithsonian museums when we just happened, entirely by accident, tocross paths with the advancing Pride Parade. So we stopped and watched it for,like, half an hour … I suppose it was more of a March than a Parade,technically, which might be why it resonated with me more than the other twohad. But all the same …Here’s more on that event: http://jkl-fff.tumblr.com/post/161753611614/dc-pride

30. Any advice to someone who isn’t out, or who is exploringthemselves?

Two things: Go with what feels right for you. Your labels might or might not change, butyour understanding of what they mean for you definitely will develop and deepenover time (this is part of what “gender is fluid” means; it isn’t fixed and unchangeable,because *your identity* is neither fixed nor unchangeable). Be truthful enough withyourself to let it happen. Because in the end, the only wrong answer … is adishonest one.

Also, learn as much sympathy, empathy, compassion, and compersion as you canfrom your negative experiences. Like, it is inevitable that you will suffer inlife, so learn how to be aware of and kind towards the suffering of others.Exclusionists absolutely disgust me, because after suffering discrimination andoppression … they decide to put others through the same kind of needless pain.Gods above, life is hard enough as it is, so don’t go out of your way to makeit harder for others. Let your negative experiences motivate you to make sureno one else has to go through such bullshit ever again.

Thanks again! These were a lot of fun!

#my life #life lessons #Thoughts #SO gay #obviously gay #obviously #gay #gay pride #queer #queer representation #lgbtq representation #lgbtq

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mild-lunacy · 6 years ago

Text

Reverse Harem: a reverse ode

I hate reverse harem, or books/works about multiple men in love and/or lust with one woman. I've talked about it before, of course, but I haven't been as explicit about it as I can be. Though to be fair, I once said I'd rather 'watch everyone die in gruesome ways' in a fic context. That's... probably pretty clear, to be fair. Now, reading romance authors explain their interest, the fact is that it doesn't help. Yes, okay, from the writer's perspective, I suppose it's cool to explore new ways of doing things in a genre as predictable as romance. And yes, okay, 'some people' think of it as being simply more of the good stuff without the pressure of having to 'choose'. I don't care. For me, there's very rarely a real choice. I don't like love triangles because they're generally too melodramatic and basically a waste of my time, but I hate reverse harem with a passion, and it's now common and popular enough that I can't avoid it, so here we are. The rant goes ever on.

The bottom line is that I'm very, very introverted. I suppose you can call me 'aggressively introverted'. What this means is that constant and unending attention from 3+ people sounds hellish to me, particularly when it never shuts off and they're all there when I'm relaxing, sleeping, etc. I can't help putting myself into it 'cause that's the selling point of het romance as a genre: that's the whole appeal. And it's just exhausting and awful to imagine. It's not 'family' to me, as one of the fans described it, because family goes away. They're not generally there at 1am when I just really want to relax. I mean they're there, but the expectation is that they leave you alone unless these are young children (a temporary situation). There's fundamentally no such time limit expectation with a significant other. Here, my point is that in transferring the super close, possibly codependent romance couple concept that I like in my stories onto more people, I run into a serious issue. Unlike the fervent (if eye-rolly) ideal of the codependent, swooning couple-- which allows me to ignore some inconvenient technical details about reality-- the reverse harem scenario fundamentally serves to remind me why I avoid people. People seem tiring and I'd rather be alone. Not the sentiment you'd want romance to instill, surely.

Once again, I realize these books are fiction, specifically idealized and not particularly realistic fiction, and also not about me. Or for me, for that matter. In fact, these stories quite obviously have nothing to do with me. And yet, I can't let it go.

I can't relinquish either my understanding of how I myself work or my understanding of reality. Like, my problem is (if I ignore the largely immature and perhaps just whiny ranting about personal space), I read fantasy, sure, but I generally need the characterization to feel strongly grounded. At least, if a story is rubbing me the wrong way enough to make me aware of inconsistencies. Fundamentally, I tend to think of characterization as a mimetic technique. In other words, people are people no matter what. They're not suddenly 'romantic people' in romances or 'tragic people' in tragedies, though perhaps you can argue comedies do change the flavor of human behavior in such a way that you can call these 'comedic characters' specifically. That is probably neither here nor there, however.

And the thing is, most writers of reverse harem romances *are* aiming for some degree of veracity in their characterization. They want the situation to feel real emotionally, because that's fundamentally what it takes for fiction to work, no matter what you're writing about. This is the presumed intent regardless of how much (or how little) any given reader has to suspend their disbelief. And so... I keep getting frustrated and annoyed, particularly if a writer I like and admire writes a reverse harem, because I feel like these books can't make the cut no matter what, basically.

It's funny because it's probably so annoying simply because this subgenre is making me too conscious of a situation that isn't unusual within romance. I mean popular tropes like love at first sight, soulmates or fated mates, endless mutual, simultaneous orgasms and even huge penises: the fact is, the genre is full of basic human characterization realism fails. And normally, I just... let it go. The most irritating thing of all is being conscious that there's nothing more unrealistic about reverse harem than fated mates, and yet I easily swallow soulmate stories because that's a silly myth I personally enjoy.

To be honest, I also don't like the idea of sharing my idealized heartthrob, even for the sake of more heartthrobs. And I do think the heroine must share her time and energy, even if technically *she* is the one being shared. A situation that goes counter to the alpha male cliche a lot of these stories still try to pursue, regardless. To me, it's fundamentally contrary to the whole over-the-top romance couple scenario, where possessiveness and perhaps a bit of jealous paranoia is part of business as usual. I don't like *too* much jealousy, so I dislike drawn out love triangles, but possessiveness I do like. I feel like an alpha male character is generally made of like, 30% possessiveness. It's a major motivational driver. I don't think you can write classic romance without that aspect. The only 'solution' I can see that preserves this formula is if the men all act as if they're a unit, of one mind.

Theoretically, this only applies romantically. That is, indeed, what frequently appears to be part of the reverse harem trope. But I can't tolerate that at all; even thinking of such loss of individuality gives me the shivers. There's no way it would *only* apply romantically if several men were suddenly of one mind about who they love and how (let alone when). And furthermore, I find that utterly boring. Anyway, there's a reason so many of the anime reverse harem stories this genre is inspired by apparently has many guys admire and like the heroine without feeling actual romantic love. There's also a reason many of the lower-quality books in this subgenre seem content to stick with the sexual part (making it genuinely romantic across the board would be hard).

Mind melds and soulmates aside, the whole appeal of any fictional character is their individuality. People will naturally have different needs, different kinds of relationships with each other. That's why I don't think of reverse harem as being equivalent to real life polyamory: real people have unequal or messy relationships that are often separated both in space and time, not to mention both closeness and relative importance. Polyamory supports this inherent messiness in a way reverse harem doesn't. The other foundational tropes of romance won't let it. The limitations of romance as a genre and the compounding limits of using a single book mean these relationships are almost always simultaneous and would often have to conflate or combine individual motivations and needs. The largely inevitable lack of realism in the romance genre is normally supported by my idealization of the romantic concepts involved. In this case, I just want to pick the hermit cat lady future instead, as I said. Not just 'pick' but 'violently demand', perhaps.

In my opinion, the other tropes of romance as a genre can't be genuinely compatible with the contextual needs and circumstances of a stand-alone reverse harem novel. Thus, they must inevitably somehow be twisted out of shape and forced to fit. The various cliches and genre expectations of Western romance don't naturally expand onto group dynamics. They can't. While for most reverse harem writers and readers, the new and fresh difference in the circumstances is a natural part of the attraction, the issue is that these books still don't bother to reinvent the wheel. They're blatantly promising all the same genre tropes, and just changing this one thing-- the number of love interests-- as if it's nothing major. Just a variable to plug in. Except, hello! No way. This changes everything. It is this (as much or more as the effect on my antisocial nature) that bothers me.

#pointless rambles #me myself and i #characterization #writing #romanticism #narrative

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eyanril · 7 years ago

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Movie Round-Up 2017

My opinions only, of course! :)

Best of 2017:

Logan - This movie is magnificent from the opening to the end credits, and if you haven’t seen it, go out and rectify that RIGHT NOW. Hugh Jackman brings an utterly heartbreaking vulnerability to an aging Wolverine. Patrick Stewart as Charles Xavier and newcomer Dafne Keen as X-23 keep pace easily with Jackman’s fantastic performance. The story is amazing, the acting is phenomenal, the special effects and fight choreography are stunning. Seriously, just sit down and watch it already, even you are not a fan of the X-Men franchise. You won’t regret it.

Thor: Ragnarok - A delightful romp that, although it doesn’t hold up particularly well on its own, lightens up the Marvel Cinematic Universe almost as easily as a Guardians film. And despite its overall silly tone, it does a good job wrapping up the Asgardian story line and delivers some actual consequences that will reverberate in later films.

Wind River - Stunning cinematography and superb writing elevate this fairly by-the-book murder mystery above its brethren. Jeremy Renner and Elizabeth Olson (as well as the supporting cast) are fantastic, and their performances alone make it worth watching.

Get Out - As much biting social commentary as it is thrilling horror movie, this was by far the biggest surprise of 2017 for me. Everything about Get Out was meticulously crafted, and it deserves every bit of praise it got. I can’t wait to see what else Jordan Peele has up his sleeve.

Tie: Guardians of the Galaxy 2 and Spider-Man:Homecoming - Both manage to balance the humor and the gravity of their plots fairly well, giving us plenty of funny interspersed with character growth. I have to give a slight edge to Spider-Man because of Tom Holland’s adorkable performance as Peter Parker, but I enjoyed them both a lot.

Most Disappointing of 2017:

Ghost in the Shell - Damn, I wanted to love this, but even Scarlett Johansson wasn’t enough to make this live action adaptation of the beloved anime work. (In fact a lot of people seemed to think she was part of the problem. I disagree). It’s gorgeous, and it’s well acted, but at the end of the day it just felt flat and forgettable.

Alien: Covenant - Not sure what I expected, considering the let down that was 2012’s Prometheus. A far cry from the quality of the original Alien and Aliens, it has all the shine but none of the substance that would be a good modern addition to the franchise. It goes in a direction that makes little sense, and made less of an impression on me than even the much derided Alien:Resurrection.

The Dark Tower - Ugh. It took me months to read Stephen King’s epic fantasy/horror series in its entirety, and all my hopes and dreams for a good adaptation of the source material were dashed very quickly during The Dark Tower. Not only was it a bad adaptation, it was a bad movie in general. I only hope that someday down the road someone can do the saga justice, even if it’s as a TV show or miniseries, because at this point anything would be better than this movie.

Kong: Skull Island - Another one I had high hopes for, another one that let me down. Tom Hiddleston and Brie Larson were given nothing interesting to do in a movie with a bloated run-time and little plot, which is a shame because they are both fantastic actors. Utterly forgettable.

Beauty & the Beast - Why, Disney? Why do you have to keep making these mediocre live action adaptations of your already excellent animated films? I don’t know exactly what I expected with this one, other than more of what made the original good. Instead we got a charmless scene for scene rehash, with lukewarm chemistry and tepid song and dance numbers that don’t hold a candle to that of the original.

Surprises of 2017:

The Lego: Batman Movie - Having enjoyed 2014’s The Lego Movie on a very basic level, I wasn’t expecting to like this as much as I did. Genuinely funny and heartwarming, it was a better Batman movie than Batman V. Superman and a better DCU movie than Justice League.

Star Wars: The Last Jedi - Hear me out on this one. Going into The Force Awakens in 2015, I had seen only A New Hope and The Phantom Menace in their entirety, so I had no idea what to expect of this new iteration. As it turned out, I was largely indifferent to The Force Awakens. Color me shocked when I walked out of The Last Jedi very excited for Episode IX. Was The Last Jedi flawed? Absolutely - and yet, due to a few very crucial elements (mainly any part involving Rey or Kylo Ren), I wouldn’t call it unsalvageable. In fact, it’s one of the few movies I’d ever consider going to see in the theaters twice, just so I can have more of the good stuff.

IT - I may have spent half the movie covering my eyes, but as far as horror movies go, that’s high praise coming from me. While IT has a few issues, overall I found this modern adaptation of Stephen King’s classic novel to be thrilling, terrifying, and terribly beautiful.

Power Rangers - Having grown up with a cousin who spent a good chunk of time obsessed with the original Mighty Morphin version, I watched this mostly for nostalgia. While it takes itself way too seriously for the most part, Elizabeth Banks’ campy turn as Rita Repulsa elevates the quality whenever she’s hamming it up onscreen. Overall I enjoyed it, which was not something I expected for a movie rebooting a very bad 90s kids’ show.

Colossal - Based on the trailer, you’d think Colossal was a comedy - and you’d be completely wrong. Hiding a slightly disturbing redemption story behind a funny facade, this one came out of left field, but managed to leave a good impression.

Movies of 2017 that I wish I had seen:

Lady Bird - From all accounts, it’s brilliant, and I’m just upset that no theater within a reasonable driving distance is playing it. Saoirse Ronan is an amazing young actress and I’ve always enjoyed anything I’ve seen her in.

Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri - See above, ha. As we both consider In Bruges to be one of the best movies ever made, my husband and I are eager to see it.

Baby Driver - For some reason my husband and I completely missed this in the theaters and we’re now regretting it, considering the amount of praise it has gotten. Edgar Wright’s movies are always fantastically shot, and I’m sure this is no different.

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ladystylestores · 5 years ago

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Netflix’s first interactive sitcom: Good for laughs, deserves a better app

Enlarge / In Netflix’s latest interactive special, you can tell Ellie Kemper to wield a rocket launcher. Seriously. It’s one of many reasons that comedy fans should endure the special’s quirks and annoyances.

Sixteen months after Black Mirror: Bandersnatch toyed with Netflix viewers, the streaming service is back with its second interactive TV special. This year, instead of a dark spin on ’80s video games, we get a “breakable” version of the oddball comedy Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt.

If you come to this new interactive special hoping for one of the series’ best episodes, you’re out of luck. But if you’re less interested in wacky New York comedy exploits and more interested in how interactive television is evolving, Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt: Kimmy vs. the Reverend might merit must-watch status—with the caveat that Netflix’s app could use an update before it streams another “choose-your-own-comedy” special.

Some people are still Schmidt out of luck

For the Schmidt-less among you: the series spent four seasons following Kimmy (Ellie Kemper), a cult escapee, as she re-acclimated to the modern world with a group of odd, new friends. While the series has officially concluded, this comeback special fast forwards to an entirely new, out-of-nowhere plot point and is therefore easy to watch for novices. She’s about to wed a British prince (Daniel Radcliffe) who had previously never appeared in the series, but the wedding planning is interrupted by a discovery that her cult captor (Jon Hamm) may have imprisoned other people.

As Kimmy goes on a journey to unravel this mystery, two other plots play out simultaneously: the prince participates in a bachelor party while Kimmy’s away, and Hollywood agent Jacqueline (Jane Krakowski) has to stall for time while her client Titus (Tituss Burgess) helps Kimmy.

A normal pedestrian choice for most people, but choosing to wait for a very, very distant driver could be the difference between life and laughs in Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt: Kimmy vs. the Reverend.

I think most women on the verge of marrying Daniel Radcliffe would have appreciated a “why not both” option here, but, alas.

Netflix

No matter what you pick, Titus will break into song. Which song, however, is up to you.

Netflix

Certain plot points, on the other hand, won’t appear at all unless you make certain choices, which requires a complete do-over of the special.

Netflix

Chris Parnell will appear as a tripped-out festival organizer no matter how you complete this special. Well, except for one particular difference.

Netflix

How will you get from point A to point B? Maybe on bikes!

Netflix

Maybe on rider mowers!

Netflix

Maybe with Johnny Knoxville giving you the stinkeye!

Netflix

Jon Hamm and Jack McBrayer are each hilarious in this special, no matter which choices you make.

Netflix

Thus, this special’s first major divergence from Bandersnatch is that viewers are asked to make decisions on behalf of pretty much everyone, instead of a single lead character. What exactly does Jacqueline do to stall for time? How does Titus deal with a crowd of unruly rednecks? Whom does Kimmy call first with a question about her old cult life? At each divergence point, a two-option menu pops up at the bottom of the screen, which you can toggle with your remote or a touchscreen on most devices. (Sorry, Apple TV users. Even 16 months after Bandersnatch came and went, you’re still Schmidt out of luck.)

At its best, UKS revels in the moments when one of the two choices is “wrong.” Wait for a taxi that will clearly never arrive or sing an intentionally botched version of “Freebird” and a ridiculous sequence plays out before rewinding time. These moments are the golden stuff. Viewers are given no-brainer hints that these choices lead to silly, laugh-filled dead ends, and the show’s writers get the freedom to write their characters into wacky sequences that wouldn’t otherwise organically play out.

The interactive gimmick gives the writers a get-out-of-jail card for jokes that wouldn’t otherwise work outside of an animated series, and it doubles down on Bandersnatch‘s brief WTF moments of dark comedy. Explaining these moments any further would dampen their hilarity for a first-time viewer, so please forgive my vagueness.

Comedy, now loading…

But in order to make room for these moments, UKS:KvtR is forced to build a bunch of “real” plot sequences to sew the timeline together. These sometimes dull the special’s comedic punch, particularly when characters must travel from one location to the next, as if the comedy was held up behind a game console’s “loading” sequences.

Some of the special’s decisions create massive forks in story (and, thus, the gags and jokes you’ll see), which might have been fine if Netflix’s interactive format included nimbler rewind and fast-forward options. Sadly, even when you use some platforms’ built-in “go back to a specific choice” seeking functions, you’re still forced to re-watch a lot of the decision-making scenes that you’ve already seen. (These last approximately 15 seconds while the decision-making menu appears.) If you’re a completionist, you’ll have to watch some of these sequences three times to “unlock” every piece of footage in the special.

It works like an ancient Hypercard sequence.

And there’s a good-news-bad-news twist to one of my favorite decision-making moments. Sometimes, when you pick the “wrong” choice in the special, time will rewind and you’ll automatically choose the “right” thing. But other times, you’ll get to manually pick again after the rewind, and the wrong choice will still be in the menu. Sometimes, when you pick this, the results are nuts—we’re talking about the golden era of The Simpsons in terms of inspired wackiness. When those surprises hit, I found myself belly-laughing in ways I didn’t expect.

But other times, re-selecting the same choice over and over led to… the same result playing out over and over. This exposes an inherent weakness in Netflix’s system: it basically works like an ancient Hypercard sequence. Each choice links to full-motion video for both the on-screen action and your menu choices, as opposed to a dynamic menu placed on top of a separate video feed. And sometimes, Netflix doesn’t go to the trouble of building an entirely new if-then sequence. In these cases, viewers can expect a redundant feed of “pick this again and the same thing happens” choices.

An interactive drama can absorb some of these momentum-dampening moments as we watch characters ruminate or while we enjoy refreshes of stirring scenery. But a comedy set in the classic TV-sitcom mold of gags and punchlines isn’t nearly as amenable, so it’s frustrating to see some of UKS‘ most refreshing and hell-yes comedic moments hampered by this format—even though on a few occasions, the laughs are likely doubled by the effort required to dig them out.

As a comedy nerd—a devotee who ascribes to everything from Dick Van Dyke series in the ’60s to anti-comedy vanguards like The State and Mr. Show—I was charmed enough by UKS:KvtR to recommend it to anybody in a similar boat. As a kick-back-and-laugh diversion, on the other hand, the special is tougher to recommend, but most of that boils down to Netflix’s ho-hum app experience, not the cast and crew’s ambition. Go back to the interactive drawing board, Netflix, and help your next specials be a little less bitter to explore and enjoy.

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britesparc · 5 years ago

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Weekend Top Ten #411

Top Ten Films of the Decade

I’ve been doing this thing for quite a while now (my first Top Ten list was in 2012) but lurching into 2020 is my first opportunity to do some kind of retrospective on a whole decade. Therefore, intermittently for the next few weeks, I’m going to look back on ten Things that I Liked in the period 2010-2019 inclusive. To start with – coz it’s easiest, really – films.

And that’s all there is to it this week. My favourite films from the 2010s. Whatever you wanna call that decade. The Tens. The Teens? I dunno. Just read the list. It’s got Avengers on it.

Paddington 2 (2017): Not just wholesome and hilarious, or a perfect encapsulation of the best of British culture, but also a phenomenal technical tour-de-force of exquisite writing, character work, direction, design, and visual effects, and the single greatest performance of Hugh Grant’s career. More than a masterpiece; a milestone.

Avengers: Infinity War (2018) & Avengers: Endgame (2019): Oh look, two films in and I’ve already broken my rules. But it’s hard to separate these, a two-part finale to a decade of movie-making and world-building. That the MCU got to this point is impressive enough, but to unite all that, to stick the landing not once but twice, to actually get this done is so, so incredible. The height of cinema, and a hell of a thrill ride.

Star Wars: The Last Jedi (2017): This decade saw the somewhat surprising return of Star Wars under the Disney banner, and whilst it’s arguably even more all-pervasive than before, and even though we’re mostly recycling popular threads and aesthetics from the classic trilogy, we did at least get this, the best-directed SW movie, with the most to say, and the only Disney SW film thus far to offer us something beyond what we’ve seen before. Incredibly well-done, great, great fun, and the best lightsaber fight for nearly twenty years.

Mad Max: Fury Road (2015): A tour-de-force of directing rigour and filmmaking craft that also manages to be unabashedly, exhilaratingly fun. A sumptuous rollercoaster ride that threads the needle of feeling like a new Mad Max film despite everything (including no Gibbo, which is probably a good thing) whilst also offering something new for new audiences. Like Paddington, it should have cleaned up at the Oscars, because this is how you make movies.

Birdman or (The Unexpected Virtue of Ignorance) (2014): Famous for its tricksy technique, the single-shot “gimmick” of Birdman actually reinforces the emotional whirlwind and fragmenting mental state of Michael Keaton’s character. A visual feast, tremendous character study, and full of hilarious meta-humour (including Ed Norton as a self-important arsehole of an actor).

Inception (2010): Someone once told me they didn’t like Inception because they felt it was trying to be clever. In my opinion, it’s incredibly simple, beautifully so; a classic heist movie, full of every trope and trademark of the genre, with one exceptional metaphysical twist (which is, if anything, over-explained). Fantastic visuals and Nolan’s best set-pieces turn it into arguably the first essential movie of the decade.

Inside Out (2015): Sadly this decade has seen Pixar’s unflappable status well and truly flapped with some lacklustre sequels and disturbing revelations about the culture of the studio. But there have been gems, and chief among them was this outstanding, humanistic, tragic and uplifting look at adolescence. In a feat of almost impossible brilliance the script works entirely on two levels (simple buddy quest movie versus existential examination of sadness and maturity), but it’s also just fun and funny and has the saddest “death” of the decade.

Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse (2018): In a decade full of amazing animation, the wit and verve and style and originality and heart of Spider-Verse still stands out. Distilling fifteen years’ worth of Spidey cinematic culture into one film, combined with outstanding animation, a great story, hilarious gags (Spider-Ham!), superb cast (Nic Cage played Superman and Spider-Man in the same year), it’s the best Spidey movie ever made and – suck it, Joker – the first superhero movie to win any kind of Best Picture Oscar.

Arrival (2016): There were great contemporary sci-fi films this decade, but this quietly beautiful and phenomenally well-acted piece is my favourite. An intelligent look at the arrival of alien life, it’s basically an alien invasion movie about grammar, which floats all my boats at once. The tricksy timeline of the piece and melancholy ending reinforces its emotional heft and intellectual rigour but it’s also a tense and enjoyable character piece.

The Pirates! In an Adventure with Scientists! (2012): We’ll bookend this look at the bestest films from the last ten years with the other greatest Hugh Grant performance. Criminally overlooked, this marries Aardman’s typical British silliness and love of sight gags with some of the best character work the studio has produced, with great dialogue and terrific performances. Manages to feel epic and small all at once, thoroughly British in design, heartfelt, fun, and hilarious. Way better than any other pirate move since 2003.

Doing this has made me realise that this really was a very good decade for film. There’s loads of stuff here that I couldn’t fit in. I sorta deliberately kept the other Marvel movies off the list, but I absolutely adore the likes of Iron Man 3 and Captain America: Civil War. Spielberg was his usual effervescent self in stuff like Lincoln and The Post. I can’t believe I couldn’t find room for Hunt for the Wilderpeople or Get Out. And then there’s stuff that, to my eternal shame, I haven’t seen yet, like Lady Bird or Moonlight or last year’s crop of goodies such as Once Upon a Time… in Hollywood (I’m always incredibly self-conscious about the films that pass me by, as I used to see loads of stuff, but recent years have seen family and work take its toll on my movie-going). And other fantastic animated fare, like both Frozen movies, or Coco, Shaun the Sheep, the Lego movies… I’m sure I’m forgetting loads of other stuff too (Baby Driver! Ex Machina! Looper! The Big Short!). So yeah, despite the world literally catching fire it’s actually been a decent few years to watch fillums. Hopefully the next ten trips round the sun will be as exciting. And hopefully I’ll see more of them, too.

#top ten #movies #2010s #films of the decade #cinema #aardman #marvel #disney #spider-man #star wars

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gascon-en-exil · 8 years ago

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Mercilessly Judging the Men of Valentia: Alm’s Party

It was only a matter of time before I subjected the guys of FE15 to the kind of vacuous judgment that represents the very best of gay hookup apps. I’ve even shamelessly stolen borrowed an idea or two from a similar series of posts on Pokémon Sun and Moon NPCs to give these opinions a little more depraved flavor. With the cast of SoV as small as it is some expansion from my earlier one-sentence summations was in order anyway.

Celica’s Party

Still growing out of the baby face, but he left behind the wide-eyed innocent attitude some time ago. You’re not even sure why you’re bothering to talk to him, since his profile lists him as partnered and then elaborates that he’s in a monogamous long-distance relationship with someone he’s known for years. Yes, he is that boring, and he really is just looking for friends. If those friends get the chance to rub one out with him on his couch they should count themselves lucky, because he’s seriously packing. A good listener and a reliable friend, but you’ll always have the nagging thought that he’s wasting what is clearly a god’s gift to men on someone he almost never sees. He does have pictures, though: happy and loving and never, ever NSFW. About the best scenario you could hope for is to score an invite to his bachelor party.

Basically perfect boyfriend material - he’s quiet, dependable, and considerate, and though you’d never know it from his profile pic or initial offerings he’s built too. He’ll never make the first move however, and in fact has lost out on several dating opportunities on account of his reserve. He’s always the reliable one in his group of friends, which means he’ll be stuck playing designated driver and pretty much never getting laid because he’s too busy being someone else’s wing man/babysitter. On the flip side, he’ll end up getting invited to friend orgies fairly often, though it’s anyone guess if he finds that sort of thing fulfilling once everyone’s gotten off and passed out. Is estranged from his family, though he rarely talks about it. For anyone who does manage to go on a date with him and then get him in bed - which will probably take a few dates, because he hates to rush into things - he’d probably appreciate some direction. No matter what you’re into he’s eager to please and is skilled enough to satisfy in any role.

His profile pic is a classic headless torso, or maybe an arm flex pose. He’s got the consummate hard-drinking frat boy attitude to match, but thankfully he’s also got some good buddies to keep him from overdoing it. Is a terrible wing man though, since he’ll pick up his friends’ dates and then usually not even remember to invite them for a threeway. Somehow scores hookups with guys way out of his league despite being a sloppy flirt, which he attributes to his big...heart. Right. He’ll probably spend the rest of his life sponging off his friends and crashing on their couches - after they’ve kicked him out of their beds for jerking off to porn on his phone while they’re trying to sleep. If he’s lucky he’ll get a few circle jerks out of the deal first.

Pretty boy twunk who’s nevertheless down to earth for the most part; he has a steady job and feasible life goals and expects that his dates will too. You have to walk a fine line with him though, because what he really needs is for someone to prop up his ego. He’s very much a one-on-one guy in flirting and in bed because he hates feeling one-upped, and his more boisterous friends are pretty good for that - and not much else. A solid long-term investment overall however, much more so than the burnouts he inexplicably hangs out with (you only find out much later that they gave him his earliest sexual experiences, and he feels weirdly attached to them as a result). If memes are anything to go by he could benefit from being gagged, but per his portrait pose he also loves handling a big set of balls. Conclusion: gives the best head in Valentia.

His profile is simultaneously alluring and off-putting in its minimalism, and you have to wonder if it’s deliberate. He’s mostly looking for friends and new experiences sexual or otherwise, but any interested parties will have to put up with a lot of small talk and snark before he starts sending nudes or agreeing to meetings. Dreams of leaving his hometown far behind, and even if he’s unlikely to do so for a relationship he can work long distance better than most. Probably too aloof and capricious to be a stable boyfriend, but who knows where he’ll end up? Is into double penetration, though only after getting to know him will you find out whether he’d rather give it or get it...or how on earth he’d put up with a third party.

Charismatic and a natural-born leader, he’s guaranteed to be a face in the community which will definitely spill over into his app space. Unfortunately for his numerous admirers who’d love to get some time with him naked he’s a total sub and will only consider dating his match in strength, extroversion, and social class (He’s a snob about such things, though he tries very hard to act as though he isn’t because it would hinder his public work.) Has a humiliation fetish that no one knows about or would expect; no wonder he’s put off by fawning adoration. He’s also into spanking and pain play, but his threshold isn’t as high as he would like. In spite of the activism he’s a traditionalist at heart, which may come as a shock to his partner unless they’re adaptable enough to go along with it.

Extremely fastidious in everything he does, from his workout regime to his prep. His greatest fear is that his life will end up staid and dull, which is probably why he’s cruising for hookups at all. If he has a boyfriend, his profile states that they only play together - and shockingly enough he actually abides by that rule, because he’s nothing if not loyal. With his mixture of unbridled enthusiasm and practiced stamina he can excel in any role, though he can’t stand it when he’s the only one putting in effort (which tends to be the case somewhere around the third hour, even in the best scenarios). He astonishes and exhausts his partners with how short his refractory period is, especially given his loud and explosive orgasms. You have to wonder how many years he’s got left before the inevitable mid-coital heart attack, and hope that he finds someone who can teach him to be less high-strung. Indirectly encourages popper abuse in his partners.

Would be a fantastic vers if he weren’t so lazy and unmotivated. You’ll be lucky to get him to jerk himself off, much less top or ride a dick or anything. All the more frustrating too since “dating” him is really more like bar hopping with a happy ending, assuming you both don’t just pass out in drunken exhaustion at the end of the night. Can be surprisingly dedicated to a guy once he’s been around him long enough, but he’d never admit it and will never settle down into comfortable monogamy anyway. The easiest way to get him to do something is to tell him it’d piss off his family, because in that case he’d down as many shots as he (or whoever’s buying) can afford, snort a line off some guy’s abs, and do a striptease on top of the bar that ends with some part of his body inside someone else. At least it means getting to see his silly print underwear a little earlier than usual - sometimes he’s too bored to even undress at the orgies he himself plans. Likes being ordered around and will roleplay whatever you tell him to, but lacks the proper headspace to be a sub.

Has a strong selfie game for such an obvious and self-professed geek, but I hope you also don’t mind getting plenty of cat pics and endless complaints about how his relatives don’t understand him. Unquestionably a virgin, but a dedicated Dom could get him to do all manner of kinky stuff for the camera. However, he’ll never even make it to first base since the moment he meets a potential hookup in person he’ll either weird them out or piss them off. Hell, don’t even bother getting him on webcam. Writes incredibly detailed and kinky erotic stories, and is always up for an erotic RP session over chat.

On the run from some terrible memories of a relationship gone sour, but in exchange for the nagging feeling that you’ll always be a rebound you get a handsome, well-connected man with excellent dating taste and no small amount of skill in bed. He really knows his way around a lance, just saying. More vanilla than might be expected though, but since he’s still finding himself he’s pretty much a blank slate for experimentation. Is almost definitely into cuckoldry, for one, though good luck figuring out a scenario where he and everyone else is satisfied with the arrangement. Go with religious kink for a safer bet - the man loves a naughty priest.

The kind of silver daddy who’ll treat you right, but you’ll be competing for his attention with his pet(s) and/or adopted kid(s) because despite his inclinations he’s a family man at heart. Will push cocky assholes to their limit (literally) in bed but will be every bit as gentle with inexperience if you’re affectionate enough. He seems like the perfect catch until you’ve known him for a while and realized he’s made some extremely questionable life choices. Hidden away in the recesses of one of his drawers (but not the underwear one - too sleazy) are faded and worn pictures of him and another guy at a much earlier time of life, carefree and in love and possibly naked.

#Fire Emblem #FE15 #Shadows of Valentia #Joke post

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