#and maybe losing contact with everyone is just what i deserve for not constantly texting everyone forever

[cappurrccino]

the downfall of facebook is actually really annoying because it was a really nice place back in the day to keep in casual contact with old friends and acquaintances and family living across the country without needing to write everyone letters or emails or text them individually. things were chronological, you actually saw posts from your friends and not just ads, you could keep info private from everyone other than people you add as friends, and it was nice! and now it's like. what the fuck is the actual replacement for that? because I don't think there is one. it's just all the same ad-riddled shit

I hate facebook and I hate meta and I hate what it's all turned into, but I don't want to delete it because I don't want to lose all those casual connections that I would have no other way to maintain

[harrumphingtons]

**CW: mentioned child abuse and rape/sexual assault**

Okay, so Jamie’s like? Rebuilding his relationship with his dad? I guess? And like, I’m not judging Jamie for making this choice. He absolutely deserves a positive relationship with his father. But his father does not deserve anything with or from Jamie, and frankly, considering what we know of what Tartt Sr. was like while Jamie was growing up, I find it a little hard to believe that Jamie could have that relationship with his dad without constantly feeling uneasy or on edge or just generally not comfortable.

Season three was huge about forgiveness, even in places where it kinda sorta in my opinion was not deserved, and Tartt Sr. is a perfect example of this. There’s certain lines that, when crossed, there’s no coming back from it, and I think that you know, just maybe, verbal abuse, heavily implied physical abuse, and rape/sexual assault (not entirely certain how to classify what James did to Jamie in Amsterdam but it’s something along those lines) (and he may have done it via another person but that does not make it any better) are some of those lines? And no, I’m not actually asking that question. Those are absolutely, positively, 100% lines that there is no coming back from crossing.

So maybe Tartt Sr gets better, actually tries to be a good father. It’s too late, at this point, and even if Jamie really tried, I don’t think he could just put everything his father’s done to him in the past behind him, not while the man is still part of his life as a regular reminder. Even if Tartt Sr never did something fucked up again, he did way too many fucked up things in the past for him to ever be forgiven in any capacity. And addressing the fact that he seems to be in rehab, likely for alcohol addiction, I’d just like to mention that, like many other people have said on this site, Tartt Sr.’s addiction doesn’t excuse his actions. And frankly, considering the scale of what Tartt Sr. did to his son, his addiction can hardly even be used as an explanation. I don’t really think addiction can not even justify but explain the decision to take your 14-year-old son to the red light district and force him to lose his virginity to someone. Tartt Sr. is 100% still accountable for all his past actions, and being in rehab doesn’t change that. And furthermore, (again, like many others on here have pointed out) even though we as an audience know that Tartt Sr. was in treatment for something (it is, after all, not necessarily rehab), Jamie doesn’t. As he said, he hasn’t seen or spoken to his dad since Wembley. And sure, you could say that Jamie only texted his father because he hadn’t heard from him in a while and was worried he’d like. Died, or something. Considering his father used to be “on him after every match, about how played and how he sat on the bench when he didn’t play” (indirect quote from 2.2), it probably would have struck Jamie as strange that there was no contact a lot sooner. At the point of Mom City, it’d been over a year since Wembley. But Jamie hadn’t reached out in that time either, so his decision to do so now was definitely a product of his talk with Ted about forgiveness, which, again, isn’t something he should be giving to his father.

Jamie moving on and not letting Tartt Sr affect him anymore? I am all for that. Jamie deserves that much and way more. But (and this, of course, just my opinion) I don’t think Jamie having a relationship with Tartt Sr would allow him to ever be free of everything horrible that happened between them in the past. I think for Jamie to finally be able to move on with his life, it’s more likely he’d have to cut off Tartt Sr. entirely.

And I get that the theme of Ted Lasso is that everyone can improve. The only character who didn’t get a redemption of any sort is Rupert. But Tartt Sr., in terms of irredeemability, is at least on par with Rupert. They both crossed lines they can never uncross. But what I hate the most is that by showing Jamie actually having a nice moment with his father, they’re effectively kind of sort of saying that everything Tartt Sr did was okay, that it was something an apology could fix. That all it really was was him being a hard dad, and that maybe he was a little *too* hard at times, and he gets that now, and he’s sorry for that and he’s going to be better. That he’s always been proud of Jamie, even if he wasn’t great at showing it, and he just wants Jamie to be happy. (If that was actually true, Tartt Sr would be a lot more like Nate’s dad, but he’s not.) And that, what, the Amsterdam thing was somehow an acceptable thing to do to his son? That it was just a little mistake?

But everything Tartt Sr did wasn’t okay, and in no way will any of it ever be excusable. If all he had ever done was yell, maybe be a bit hard to please, that’s different. But he actively belittled his son, was so on him about every little stupid thing that Jamie literally quit playing for a period of time, even though it’s obvious he loves football, and even if the only physical abuse actually shown or mentioned was Tartt Sr. throwing that shoe at Jamie in the s1 finale and shoving him in the Wembley episode, it’s implied so heavily that it’s obvious that’s not the worst he ever did. And then, obviously, there’s what he did Amsterdam, which I’m pretty certain is statutory rape, although I may be wrong.

James Tartt Sr. is absolutely unforgivable. He does not deserve any sort of redemption. Jamie deserves healthier relationships that don’t have that kind of history looming over them.

There was that short moment, in Mom City, right before they showed Tartt Sr. in rehab, where it seemed like he had died, and I really, really, really wish they’d just killed him. Okay, that wouldn’t have really given Jamie any sort of closure, but the way they actually did write his storyline, I don’t think he’s getting the closure he deserves anyways. But Rupert facing retribution shows that the writers weren’t opposed to having an irredeemable character, and it’s not that hard to have two instead of one. James Tartt Sr. should’ve faced retribution too, not have gotten off easy somehow still having everything.

[skylarmoon71]

Harry Wells (Flash) - Earth 2 - Chapter 1

Love and Hate. 

There’s a fine line between the two. Maybe that’s where you stood right now. 

Because the situation couldn’t be more unclear. 

You never thought it would become like this. You’d been so naive when Team Flash first started out. It was just the five of you against the forces of evil. 

At least that’s what you thought. 

The very man you cared most about in the world turned out to be the big bad you’d been hunting for months. It was a hard pill to swallow. But Barry’s time travel and Cisco’s dreams, it became clear that this was not the Harrison Wells you knew. 

So standing face to face with him as he taunted Barry, hands running over the back of your head as you refused to move a muscle, he just smirked. 

“You lose Barry, now you’re going to watch as I cut down everyone you care about. '' 

Cisco and Caitlin stood helplessly at the side. You could see the pain reflected in their eyes. Barry was defeated. 

Eobard leaned in pressing one last kiss to your lips. You didn’t even fight. Your brain is still processing it all. Just as he pulled away, that dangerous red glow sparked in his eyes. 

Maybe if he hadn’t been so fixated on revenge he would have understood the repercussions that came with Barry resetting the timeline. 

One breath. 

It was one staggered breath and he looked down at your hand that was actively vibrating and rammed right into his chest. 

One more and you removed your hand. 

His body dropped, nothing but dead weight. 

The room was quiet. 

So quiet. 

No one knew what to say. Joe lowered his gun and Iris was frozen in place. In a way, they all were. Barry couldn’t believe that the man who pledged to kill him was now dead on the floor. 

You sank to your knees, unable to hold back the tears. 

“I’m…sorry..” 

It was all you could get yourself to say. 

After that nothing was the same. 

Team Flash was safe. It was a win, but ultimately you lost. You no longer had the love of your life or faith in your own humanity. 

Eobard was right, he did win. 

The weeks following, you finally announced that you were leaving Central City. You could see that they didn’t want you to leave, but no one knew what the right words were to say. It just hurt to be there. The way they looked at you, it wasn’t the same. 

In the span of a month you were gone. You started in a quiet little city in Portland working a regular desk job at city hall. You couldn’t get yourself to go back to the force. Not after you’d broken the one rule. 

To protect and serve. 

It was too painful a reminder. 

They never lost contact. You got constant postcards from Cisco. Every few months Caitlin would send you a sample of a new exotic plant she found with a little care package and a letter attached. Iris came down to visit a few times to see how you were doing. 

Barry…

He never visited, never texted, barely called. You knew why. To him, you were a killer. Regardless of Eobard’s crimes, Barry was against it. He couldn’t even look at you and a part of you thought you deserved it. 

For three years you lived a pretty normal life. 

No superpowered villains constantly attacking the city. Bad meta threatening your family. Just you and your thoughts. 

Everything is calm. At least you think it is.  

When you see the caller ID on your cell phone that morning you’re a bit shocked. You don’t answer immediately. You hesitate, just for a second. You finally get yourself to pick it up. 

“Barry?” 

“(Y/N) we need your help Barry’s hurt!!” 

Iris’s voice sounds panicked and your body moves on its own. The curtains in your apartment beat against your windows and the force of the wind. It takes possibly a minute. Your feet skate into the lab. Had you not been ready for anything, you probably would have charged right into the beam that was aimed in your direction. You bend at the last second, watching as it moves past your head in slow motion. Time speeds up, and the first thing you see is dark hair and those blue eyes. 

It triggers a negative reaction and you grab the man by his collar, hand already vibrating ready to drive it right into his gut. 

“(Y/N) STOP!!” 

Cisco’s scream echoes and you stop when you’re inches away from impaling the individual. His weapon had fallen the second you grabbed onto him and you can see the slight fear behind his gaze. 

It doesn’t make sense. 

“It’s not him, that’s not Thawne.” 

Cisco approaches cautiously, because your hand is still raised, but thankfully no longer intended to run through his body. You finally release the man when Cisco takes your hand in his. You mean to say something, explain yourself. Cisco merely shakes his head, pulling you into a hug. You stand there a bit unsure. Slowly, you return the embrace, holding unto him as you bury your face into his shoulder. 

It’s been too long. 

The reunion came after. It was a bit melancholy. This wasn’t under joyous circumstances. Barry is unconscious in the med bay, Iris by his side. Cisco is looking a bit worse for wear and Caitlin appears as though she hasn’t had a good night's sleep.

“We weren’t sure what to do, he’s been like this since yesterday. We were attacked by a meta that knows how to manipulate reality. We already administered an antidote. It worked on the other victims but Barry won’t wake up and that maniac is still out there.” You keep your eyes on Harrison Wells as Cisco updates you. 

“We don’t have time to be going over notes, we need to stop that meta before he hurts more people. “

You glare at the scientist and Cisco looks at him, shaking his head. 

“Harry relax, she’s on our side.” 

“It didn’t look that way a while ago.” 

His hand grazes his gun. You know it’s a secret challenge. 

“You’d be on the ground before you even got your finger to the trigger.” Your remark makes his jaw clench. 

“Would you like to test that theory?” He threatens. 

“Gladly.” You retaliate. 

“This isn’t helping. Barry’s hurt. We can’t stay here babysitting.” Joe intervenes.

Your hardened gaze is still trained on him. You finally look away with a sigh. 

“Fine. Tell me how you got the others to wake up?” 

Caitlin nods. 

“We made an antidote to counteract hallucinogens. His powers mimic those often used in standard drugs. We did the same for Barry, we even safely doubled the doses but he’s still comatose. Nothing is working.” 

It’s not like you all haven’t been in such a position before. Harry moves to Caitlin's side in what you can only assume is comfort. Joe is patting Cisco on the shoulder. Iris is still looking at Barry’s form. In some weird way, it feels like old times. 

A painful reminder. 

You move to the table, grabbing a pair of gloves and a vial from in the cabinet. The second you begin shuffling around the room, you can see them move closer. 

Harry’s brows furrow, and you pull the plastic off the needle as you slip it into the small bottle. When you begin drawing the liquid in, you can see the uncertainty in his eyes. 

“What are you doing?! That could kill him!” 

“Wrong, this amount would kill a normal person. But Barry isn’t normal is he? He needs a jolt and this is going to help him. Because of his abilities he metabolizes faster. If this meta has some kind of drug inducing abilities, it must be through physical contact. His skin. If that’s the case then it’s possible Barry is having a negative reaction to it because of his speed.” 

“Like an allergy..” Harry mutters. 

“Exactly, and how do you treat sudden allergic reactions?” 

“Epinephrine!” Cisco jumps up. 

You take the needle, cleaning his arm as you slide it into his vein. When you draw back, you discard the items, checking his pulse. 

“Normally you use an epi pen in the thigh to disperse the medicine better, but I needed a larger dose. I’m hoping that his body picks it up faster regardless of where it was administered. Now we just have to wait and see.” 

All eyes turn to Barry. There isn’t much of a reaction, not at all. The machines are beeping steadily, but Caitlin looks over when his heart rate picks up. Harry moves closer and Barry jolts upright, gasping for air. They all begin to rush him. You can practically see the light return to Iris’s eyes. You smile as they frantically check him. Bombarding him with questions. Barry is still trying to get his breath back, but he’s smiling. Hugging Joe and Iris, grinning at Caitlin and Cisco. His eyes finally find you standing at the back. You hold it for a few seconds before you turn your back and walk away. 

You find a nice quiet place, admiring the upgrades that have clearly been made. So much has changed, not that you’re surprised. 

“You’re a great doctor.” You turn at the statement. 

It’s Harry. 

He’s abandoned his weapon. 

“I’m a cop.” 

Correction, you were a cop. 

“When I first got here everyone treated me like the enemy. It made sense after I heard what he’d done. They all had reasons but no one talks about you. Before today I didn’t even know you existed.”

“That’s probably for the best.” 

“What did he do to you?” 

“Let it go.” 

“If you’re going to be working under this team again I want to know everything.” 

“Who says I was planning to come back.” 

Harry’s eyes narrow. 

“Did he break your heart?” 

That makes you freeze. You’re no longer standing there confident and in control. 

“Now when you see me you’re reminded of that love that you so tragically lost.” 

“Stop it...” 

“Why? Am I wrong? He walked all over you like everyone else. He was a manipulator, it’s not surprising that you fell for his ruse. Do you think sulking about it is going to change what happened? You have a talent, instead of sitting around feeling sorry for yourself you should be using it to help. Or is that it? Did his betrayal change your perspective? Maybe you’re just like him!” 

“I AM!!” 

The change in octave doubled with the red hollow glow of your eyes was not what Harry was expecting. 

He barely gets a breath out, because the wind hits his face and you’re standing right in front of him, tilting your head menacingly. 

“I loved him and he tried to kill us, so I stopped his heart myself.” 

You lift your hand slowly, tauntingly and Harry swallows. 

“He turned me into a monster, just like him. A killer.”

It’s become clear that he’s overstepped. 

“If it turns out that you’re not who you appear to be, I’ll make sure that you feel every ounce of pain before I finally take your last breath.” 

Your hand is right over his heart, but you don’t make contact. 

The light in your eyes finally disappears and you casually slip your hands into your pockets. 

“Enjoy your stay Harry.”

It’s an underlying threat. 

One that he doesn’t take lightly.

[vad-hander]

JAEBEOM, THE GUY FROM THE BAR

Pairing: Jaebeom x reader

Genre: Series | Eventual Smut | Angst | Fluff

Warnings: break up, cheating, strangers to lovers, mentions of drinking

Words: 3.3k

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5

You opened your eyes in fear. Your head was about to break in pieces and it took you forever to work out where you woke up.

It was your bedroom. At least you woke up in your bed, you thought happily. You tried to sit up, feeling as if your head weighed thousand kilograms. You looked around trying to remember how you got home, pointing out as well that you felt completely fine except for the headache, just in case anything could’ve happened to you physically.

Jaebeom, you remembered that you were with him last night. You gasped, lifting your blanket off your body to check what you were wearing. A shirt.

You tried hard to remember if you changed clothes yourself, doubting it highly. He probably did it for you. Did he see you naked? You felt the heat of embarrassment on your cheeks. What if he didn’t leave and is in the living room now…?

You tried to stand up, noticing a piece of paper on the table. Reaching out to grab it, you read “drink water and take the pill, I’m sure you’re dying from hangover right now. ;)” your eyes moved lower to the corner of the paper “p.s. I closed my eyes when you changed clothes, I promise.” you chuckled and grabbed your head in pain right after. You took the pill, gulping the water hungrily. You plopped your body on the bed, grabbing your phone to scroll mindlessly. Your fingers automatically found contacts, scrolling through the phone numbers you had, pausing on the letter J, seeing how Jaebeom saved himself as “Jaebeom, the guy from the bar”. You opened the chat box , thinking what possibly you could text him. Should you even text him first? Your fingers automatically typed “thanks for getting me home.”, deleting it right after. “hi, it’s y/n, thank you for taking care of me.” you typed another message, thinking for a few seconds if you should send it. Quickly exiting the chat, you lowered your eyes on the letter J noticing “Jeno👩🏻‍❤️‍��‍👨🏻”. Your fingers quickly opened the chat with him, feeling the fear of seeing whatever message from him. But the chat was empty. The last message was sent by you and you felt even worse now noticing how it was read after you caught him cheat “Jenoyah, babyyyyy, happy birthday my love. I’m so happy to have you in my life and I wish you all the best because this is what you’re deserving. Can’t wait to see you and cuddle you to death, birthday boy <3”. He didn’t even try to reach out to you, he didn’t even try to apologise. You threw the phone to the bedside table, turning on the bed to hug your pillow and hide your face in it. You shut your eyes, feeling like tears could flood your pillow any second. Jeno is a cheater, what if he cheated before? Now you weren’t sure he didn’t do it before. Jeno didn’t even regret it. He didn’t try to contact your or explain anything to you. He just disappeared and now you had to pretend he never existed.

You rested your body against the mattress of your bed, suddenly getting a flashback.

/You moved your face closer to his, losing the balance and dropping your palms onto his thighs. Jaebeom’s arms caught you by wrists right before you smashed your face against his.

“I think you’re a bit too drunk now.” he chuckled, helping you back into the stool.

“Isn’t it a great day to get drunk?” you smiled wildly.

“It’s a Saturday, just a normal Saturday, at least the last time I checked.” he spoke to you seriously, covering your drink with his palm when you tried to grab it.

“I guess you checked too many hours ago. Today we’re celebrating my sudden freedom, fun, right?” you giggled hysterically. “A great day to be thriving, I was dedicated and loyal this whole time. Turns out it’s a waste? I could’ve slept around even while I was in a relationship, turns out it didn’t matter.” you spoke into nowhere, focusing your gaze on the wall of bottles. “I really wish I knew so I didn’t feel too hurt and too surprised right now. Do you know that it actually hurts? Do you know how much it actually hurts?” you turned back to Jaebeom, finding his beautiful brown eyes with yours. He blinked, blinked multiple times and kept quiet. You felt as if he gave you a chance to speak, a chance to get everything off your chest and he was the only person you could talk to right now and you felt thankful in the deepest sober part of you, you were endlessly thankful to Jaebeom. “Am I this useless? I met Jeno three years ago through a friend and he immediately became someone I always wanted to have in my life, someone I’d like to travel the world with, someone I’d die for and I was ready to die when he straight up ignored me for three years. First he was acting like I never existed, like no girl existed and I asked everyone around if he had a girlfriend but he didn’t. And I guessed it just wasn’t the time for him, I patiently waited and we became friends, we became close. We were so close he even asked me to get him with my friend, and I did because I could never say no to him. But they never fit, I knew they wouldn’t, maybe that’s why I was too keen for it, I hoped he’d see that we actually fit. And when they broke up in three months he came to me. I thought he came to talk, to maybe I don’t know what I thought. But he just asked for another friends phone number and then I just broke down in front of him. I told him that he’s mean and blind, that he asked me for all those things when I liked him so much and even loved him by then, and showed him all of it the whole time. And you know what happened?” you asked him feeling the tears in your eyes. You wanted him to answer this time, and he felt it, speaking.

“You began dating?” he cleared his throat before speaking. You nodded and pursed your lips.

“We did, he apologised so many times, he said he never thought I’d like him like that, he said sorry so many times I couldn’t believe this was even happening in real life. He stayed the night, and then the other, and he stayed all the nights there were, and days too, we’ve spent every day together. In a month he said we should tell everyone we’re together, I thought I was in heaven. He treated me nicely, he treated me the way I wanted him to, but to be fair I had nothing really to compare him to. But I waited for so long maybe I was blinded by it to see signals?” you chuckled and your eyes noticed that his hand let go of the glass, and you grabbed it, quickly taking a sip. “In five months I was barely seeing him, he just began disappearing, constantly, I’d only see him twice a week, I was scared and I told him I am, but he apologised again, and said he just got busy with life. From then up until today we were seeing each other regularly, yes, sometimes like the night you saw me for the first time… but we’d come home and he’d tell me I’m the one… and that mattered to me, and I guess it shouldn’t have. Because even with spending time with me he found time to cheat…” you gripped onto the glass. You looked Jaebeom deeper in the eyes, seeing sympathy, compassion? “Why am I giving a speech to you?” you chuckled suddenly trying to switch your mood in a click. “I’m sorry I’m like that.” you wiped the tear.

“It’s okay, we all need to get things off our chest sometimes, and I was the one who told you to do it. You needed it, I hope you’re a little bit better.” his fingers found the back of your palm, caressing lightly. Both his and yours eyes fell to where your hands met, raising back up to look at each other.

His burning touch and even more burning gaze made you want to do questionable things. Things you weren’t able to allow yourself to do yet in the morning. The movement of his fingers made your insides tickle and you slid off the chair you were sitting on. You felt your body get excited when you turned your hands around, laying your palm on top of his. The heat rushed over your body and you were scared he’d notice you turn red if you’ll get any closer. The amount of alcohol you consumed was the only thing that kept you from getting a stroke when your fingers ran up his hand, feeling up his soft and warm skin. Your eyes traced your fingers because you were too scared to see Jaebeom’s reaction, not feeling him move or tense up. It felt as if he froze. When your hand got to his biceps you wrapped your hand around it, finally lifting your eyes to meet his, that immediately moved to meet yours. He turned his body towards you, spreading his legs more for you to stand between them. You moved your hand even higher, feeling your fingers get under the shirt and having to let go of him for a second to rest your hand on his shoulder. You felt your heart beat in your ears, only thinking how he said he liked you. Maybe it was your turn to take chances? Not wait and sulk until someone picked your hopeless self, but to take your life in your hands, be wild, bold, young and alive? Jaebeom suddenly laid his palm on your waist, pulling you in closer between his legs, forcing you to hook your hand around his neck. His other hand found your cheek, rubbing it with his thumb. His eyes burned into yours and it felt like you stopped breathing at all. You leaned in but stopped, being too scared even though you had nothing to regret or be afraid of. “Do you like me as a friend or as a woman?” you didn’t find anything better to ask before you’d embarrass yourself.

“I like you as a person.” his fingers moved to your hair, brushing it behind your ear.

“What is that supposed to mean?” you replied before you could think.

“What do you want this to mean?” you felt his fingers run down to your neck, caressing it lightly. If this didn’t mean he liked you what did it mean at all.

“Kiss me.” you said baldly, watching his reaction. His eyes smiled with satisfaction, and he pulled you in closer, leaving only 2 centimetres between you. Your second hand wrapped around his neck too, and the electricity between you two made it impossible for you to keep yourself on your feet. Your mind focused on him only, you could not hear or see anything around you except for Jaebeom. He lingered, running his eyes all over your face, stroking your hair. Finally, he got closer and you shut your eyes in anticipation. You could smell him close to you, unconsciously brushing your fingers trough his hair. You felt him leave a warm kiss on your cheek and move away. You opened your eyes and your first intention was to smile, but then reality hit you and embarrassment took over you. You were wrong yet again in reading signals. He didn’t mean it and he was just kind to not reject you completely. You felt tears form in the back of your eyes in a span of a second, pulling your hands in swift motion from him.

“I’m sorry.” you mumbled and felt your face get red. “I’m too dumb.”

“No, no, don’t run away.” he protested, grabbing your hands and clipping you between his legs.

“You don’t have to make excuses, I’m okay.” you chuckled pitying yourself once more.

“It’s not that, I’m not making excuses, you just broke up with your boyfriend, you’re trying to make me someone you’ll regret sleeping with when you’ll get sober, and the last thing I want is our relationship to die like it was a stupid drunk hook up.” his hand got back to your cheek, and he pulled you in, forcing your drunken body to fall against him and hug him. “Let me take you home, you’re too drunk, I’m scared you’ll pass out soon or will do something silly. What if you’ll try to kiss someone else instead of me?” he chuckled and you felt his fresh breath on your face. Did he not drink at all? You wondered. “I don’t think that someone will hold back, I’ll get jealous and will fight.” he moved his face closer to yours again, making you think he’d kiss you. “Let’s go home.” he just whispered.

“I’m not drunk.” he chuckled and nodded “I’m serious. You can kiss me if you want to, I won’t regret, I swear.” you might’ve sounded a bit too desperate but you were drunk and you could’ve just told him it was alcohol if he’d reject. You really were as desperate as you sounded by now, feeling no shame only knowing if he’d let you go to bed like that you’d lose hope in yourself completely. “I won’t go anywhere without that.” you brushed your hair off your collarbone. Jaebeom laughed loudly at that.

“Because you won’t remember?”

“No, because I’ll have written confirmation I won’t be able to brush aside.”

“You’re carrying paper with you for such instances?”

“No, but I have a pen.” you painted with your finger, reaching out into your bag and taking few seconds to find it. “Here!” you showed it to him.

“Okay, and what and where are you going to write?” his eyes sweetly looked at you and your insides did a flip. His fingers moved on your waist, while his other hand got back to your neck. You looked around, trying to find a piece of paper.

“Here.” you grabbed Jaebeom’s hand by fingers, laying it on the bar and running your fingers through inner side of his lower arm.

“My arm?”

“Your arm.” you nodded.

“What are you going to write?” he chuckled.

“This.” you sighed, beginning to draw words letter by letter on his arm.

“I, Y/n, want Jaebeom to kiss me, sober or drunk.” he read out loud when you finished.

“Want a sign or is it eligible enough?” you lifted your eyes at him.

“Eligible enough.” he chuckled and grabbed your face in his hands. “Are you normally this cute or am I able to enjoy your cuteness only because I never met you sober?” both of his hands were drawing small circles with his thumbs on your cheeks. Your eyes trembled because of his touch, almost closing when his finger ran over your lower lip. Your hands wrapped around his neck and you felt him push you in and lay his lips on top of yours softly. He didn’t move for a second, slowly moving his mouth against yours in a moment, not pushing or pacing, just making your heart beat out of your chest. His tongue slipped into your mouth when you opened it inviting him, and a low groan left your throat accidentally, letting him know you enjoyed it very much. You weren’t planning on being too open about it, but the drunken state of you broke your plans and he pulled you in closer, wrapping his hands tighter around you. You tried to run your hand down his chest, to wrap it around his body, but Jaebeom made it impossible with the way he held you. Your tongues moved in unison until he pulled back, pecking and licking your mouth multiple times before finally letting go. You held in a disappointed moan, killing the will to hug him once again as well./

You did what? No, you didn’t. You sat up immediately. You grabbed your phone, not knowing if calling him would look as if you were pushing boundaries and asking for more? We’re you in position to do any of that or were you meant to wait until he’ll text you first? You pushed the phone back off, hiding your face in your pillow. You groaned loudly in disbelief. You wrote on his arm that you wanted him to kiss you. Were you out of your mind when you wrote that? Oh, you definitely were, after all those drinks you definitely were out of this world. Your fingers ran over your lips, reminiscing on how his lips felt on yours. It felt nice, but you couldn’t remember for sure. And now, the only thing you wanted is to kiss him once again when you’re sober to remember it vividly./

Your phone made a sound taking you back to reality.

from: Jaebeom, the guy from the bar

“I hope you took the pill and feel better.”

“hi”

You read, sighing loudly. He texted you in the morning… that’s o positive sign, right? It definitely is, you quickly opened the chat, texting him back.

“hi!”

“I did”

“thank you for the pill, and for everything you did too”

“really”

You texted him back quickly, seeing him reading it immediately.

from: Jaebeom, the guy from the bar

“You replied”

“good”

“So you really don’t have any regrets”

“Or don’t remember a thing”

“ㅋㅋㅋ”

So he did remember, you should’ve guessed he did, but you couldn’t remember how he got you home.

“yeah…”

from: Jaebeom, the guy from the bar

“I took a picture of your message in case you forgot.”

“Want to see?”

to: Jaebeom, the guy from the bar

“no, thank you.”

“how did I got home?”

from: Jaebeom, the guy from the bar

“do you want to see me?”

“with me, I drove you.”

“I thought you guessed that by my note.”

to: Jaebeom, the guy from the bar

“I did, I just thought you ordered a taxi.”

you only replied.

from: Jaebeom, the guy from the bar

“so you do see me as a mistake?”

to: Jaebeom, the guy from the bar

“no, no, I told you I won’t regret”

“I liked it”

“I mean, hanging with you.”

“I liked your company.”

from: Jaebeom, the guy from the bar

“I liked kissing you too.”

You choked on air.

“let’s meet tomorrow?”

“I want to see you sober.”

“tell me what time you’re free.”

You didn’t read his messages, taking some time to process his words.

“don’t ignore me, I know where you live. You even told me the code. I’ll find you and will make you go eat with me.”

to: Jaebeom, the guy from the bar

“sorry”

“aren’t you working tomorrow?” suddenly you realised you didn’t know if he works, how old is he, what is he even doing in life.

from: Jaebeom, the guy from the bar

“I’m on freelance, I can find time for you.”

to: Jaebeom, the guy from the bar

“I’ll text you in the morning, okay?”

from: Jaebeom, the guy from the bar

“Can’t wait to hear from you.”

____

let me know what you think ❤️

[dreamkidddream]

Heya! It’s me again!! Can I request a BSD crew with Dazai, Chuuya, and Atsushi with a older siblings reader that really cares for them and is overprotective. (Really cold on the outside, but with them its a whole different story) Sorry it’s long!! Looking forward with your works!

Thank you for the request and thank you for reading!! Sorry about the wait, and it got kinda long. Reader is gender neutral and hope you enjoy!

TW: Suicide talk in Dazai’s (nothing too heavy is mentioned), and small spoiler for Oda (I know I keep bringing him up but I love him okay), abuse mentioned in Atsushi’s 

Being an Overprotective Older Sibling (Sour but Sweet) with: Dazai, Chuuya, and Atsushi

Dazai

He stresses you out so, so, SO MUCH

You were ready to just wrap him up in a straitjacket and just attach him to your back, but you figured he would find a way to break free or kill himself (or even both)

When people saw the two of you together, on the outside, it looked either like a: you were handling an overgrown toddler or b: he was being held hostage by this scary looking individual that looks like they could rearrange your organs from the inside out

But, with you guys, it was the complete opposite. You were the best relative that Dazai had and could count on, but you refused to let him try any suicide attempts from his book (at least while he was in your presence). You were really sweet, always made sure to look out for him, and constantly protecting him. 

When you came into the ADA looking just for him, everyone was confused. Who was this random stranger coming in with the coldest expression, asking specifically for Dazai, holding a wrapped box. They knew that he had many enemies that range from now to his past, so now they were assuming that you were someone that came to get revenge.

Kunikida tried to intercept you first, but you told him that you only came to see Dazai and no one else. And that he better still be alive and uninjured or else. Well, they obviously took that as a threat and before a whole brawl could break out, here walks in Dazai and Atsushi

“Oh, (Y/N)! What a surprise to see you on this lovely day. Here to check on your dear little brother?” Hold up...BROTHER?? DAZAI HAS A SIBLING, AND HE’S THE YOUNGEST??! Poor Kunikida is about to malfunction and Ranpo is just sitting back enjoying the show with his snacks

“Osamu...How many times do I have to tell you...stop forgetting your lunch! You need to eat properly. And before you even say anything, you are going to eat this. I know you didn’t eat breakfast this morning, because just drinking coffee is not breakfast, and...”

You went from getting ready to whoop some ass to nagging him what is going on

 And that was the day that the Agency found out that Dazai had an older sibling. They were wondering why you never came to the office, and when you responded that is was, “none of their damn business”, they decided not to question it (at least in front of you). And they were so shocked to see you act, no be, so delicate with him. You were still talking to about your lunch, looking at him with the softest expression telling him, “I know you struggle with caring for yourself, so let me do it for you. You’re my younger brother, Osamu, let me do my job in taking care of you. You won’t let me protect you when you’re on the job, so let me protect you everywhere else.”

So, he was the reason why you weren’t working in the office alongside him? And it was true. After his days in the Port Mafia, when you were working alongside him, it was fine. He hated that you always got in the line of fire to “protect” him (and he knew and kept telling you that he didn’t need it, and if he did get hurt, to just let him suffer, to let him die). You didn’t understand his complete need to end his life, and it ate you up inside, but it also you a new resolve. Maybe he didn’t believe that his life was important or that he mattered to someone, so you took it to show him that someone did care, that you cared. 

It backfired one day on a mission, when you took a bullet that was meant for him. You were so close to death that day, knocking right on His door, and it shook him to his core. Back in those days, he cared for you and Oda, and cared little for himself. He came so close to losing you, and he realized he wouldn’t know what to do without you. You were one of the only people (honestly beside Oda) that he actually felt some kind of emotion for, and he would be damned if he lost you too

So he came with a new resolution after he left the Mafia, he would handle the dangerous life, while you stayed home. You obviously strongly rejected this idea, but he left no room for refusal. He rather be the one close to death than you, you still deserved to live life, not him. 

It led to a very long, emotionally draining, confrontational argument for hours, but the decision was made. You would live a regular life, far from any kind of violence or death, working a regular job while he would put his life on the line. On the terms that he would constantly keep you updated (ie. not ignoring your hourly calls and texts), actually eat the food that you prepare (breakfast, lunch, and dinner), and not push you away whenever he needed someone to leave on. 

You also threatened politely let him know that if these conditions weren’t followed, then all bets are off and you would raise hell. You were here to stay and you’ll make sure that he is too

You were a positive influence on Dazai’s life, and it was so funny how you would switch personalities. How you switch from being so kind and childlike to so frigid and antisocial was very entertaining to see. He does love you, and while you would try to police his every move (which was literally impossible), he wouldn’t change it for the world.

Plus he LIVED for you coming to stop by in the office now, seeing how Kunikida would try to avoid eye contact with you and Atsushi nervously sweating in his seat was hilarious. He knew you wouldn’t hurt them, but it was still pretty amusing

Chuuya

Opposite of Dazai, you stress him out SO MUCH

Part of it is because you’re overprotective, another part of it is because you are a complete smartass and you knew it

“Damn (Y/N) can you LET ME BREATHE FOR A SECOND?!”

“...”

“Seems like you’re breathing fine to me.”

“WHY YOU-“

But, he may complain, but he actually didn’t dislike that you were working with him in the Port Mafia. You could keep an eye on him, and he could make sure that you didn’t get into any extra trouble that could interfere with his missions or have you get disciplined by Mori. It was a win-win for you both

If there was one thing that he could change though, is your constant need of trying to take the hits designated for him. He doesn’t need you always jumping in front of him, defending him with your own body. He was more than capable of taking care of himself, if he wasn’t then not only would he not be one of the top executives, but he also wouldn’t still be alive

Also he has a reputation to uphold. How was he suppose to display his raw power and talents when you were continuously intruding on his cases?! Not to mention the fact that you act so detached when you’re dealing with the other members. It’s to the point that they’re too intimated to even make eye contact with you

Which he thought was so bizarre because you were one of the nicest people that he has ever come in contact with (even though he was your brother and you guys interacted with each other every day). You played the annoying sibling role very well (too well in fact), but you still make sure to look out for him and make sure that he’s okay, emotionally and physically. 

He understood why you did it, but at the same time he didn’t. You were both extremely strong, and he was the one with the better ability (not to mention that he’s the one that has Arahabiki inside of him). It came off that obviously you wanted him safe, but also that he couldn’t handle what comes at him. He’s not a little kid, he’s not some weakling that needs to be persistently protected, you both didn’t survive this long solely because of you, it was because of you both. It was a teamwork effort, and while he gets that he’s your youngest brother, he worries about you too

And he proved his point one night, when he had to dress your wounds after a mission went south. Here he was, scolding you and cursing about how stupid you were being, and the more he went on, the more you figured that he was angrier at himself for letting this happen. 

“Why is it so hard to understand that I want to protect you too?! Why don’t you give a damn about yourself like how you do about me?! You act like this entirely new person on the field like you don’t give a damn what happens to you and it PISSES ME OFF! Just like you protect me, I can and will protect you. I may be loyal to the Port Mafia, but you come first, always.”

After that, you did let him handle his own battles (but if he got a single scratch on him, then you will be joining whether he agrees or not). You were still annoying in Chuuya’s eyes, but it was just him being his stubborn, short tempered self about his older relative. He wants the best for you without a doubt and he wants you to realize you don’t have to carry this imaginary burden of protecting him, because you weren’t the powerful one in the family. He had your back just like you had his. You were one of the only things that still convinced him that he was still human and not a monster, and no words will measure just how much he appreciates you for that. You had your moments when you were irritating the hell out of him, but he still loved you regardless

Besides, you were the only person who somehow was able to get one of his favorite vintage wines (it still confused him so much how you got it and not him, and you refused to tell him) so he definitely couldn’t afford to lose you

Atsushi

Okay, you do not play about this man, ever

After growing up in the orphanage and joining the ADA, it took a while to get readjusted to being around people that weren’t trying to purposely harm you for just existing. For Atsushi, even though he was hesistant to join the agency, you were honestly against it. Sure, it was a fresh start from that horrible place, but it was also another gateway for danger. Not to mention how sketchy this suicidal guy was, if he was able to join the agency there’s no telling what other nut cases are apart of it too

Plus, you needed to keep your brother in your presence at all times. Enough has happened to him already, and you were going to do everything in your power to prevent him from going through that type of pain ever again, you swore

But after he discovered that he’s the weretiger that’s been causing trouble (which you had a hunch about but no way to confirm) and with him having no type of knowledge on how to control this new ability, it seemed like you two had no choice but to stay with the ADA. You weren’t very happy about this arrangement, but if it was able to help Atsushi with his newfound ability and provided you with the means to support you both (ie. getting paid), then so be it. You sucked it up and both joined

It took...some time for the other members to get used to your demeanor. Having someone in the agency give off such an intense deadly vibe was a little unsettling. It seemed like Kenji, Ranpo, and Dazai were the only three (besides your brother) that weren’t phased by it, but other people like the Tanizaki twins tried to steer clear of you as much as they could

It wasn’t that they hated you, it’s just...your aura wasn’t the friendliest. And it was even more confusing since you were the exact opposite for your brother! You conversed and laughed with him, but you never did it with the others. Watching Kunikida and Dazai do their daily banter didn’t even make you crack a smile. But whenever you were around Atsushi, it seemed like you were carefree, glowing even. It was evident that you both kept each other smiling and positive, and it warmed everyone to see

Whether it was desk duty or field missions, you were both always paired with each other. If Dazai and Atsushi were assigned to a case, guess who was also magically assigned with them too? If he was stuck on desk duty, you were too. No one had a problem with it surprisingly. Which was a complete lie but after you...made a convincing argument, they left you alone and let you tag along with your brother as long as it didn’t interfere with the success of the case

Junichiro low key understood it though, don’t be fooled cause he’ll snap for his sister too if he had to

You didn’t even give any enemies the chance to even come close to Atsushi. That’s how serious you were with keeping your word. Even when him and Akutagawa fought, you would find a way to get involved. You will not let anyone else hurt your brother again if you could help it

He did get upset with you, whenever you did this, which led to a really bad blowout between you two. You figured this was going to happen sooner or later. It just seem like Atsushi was ready to prove himself to someone when he didn’t have to, but you didn’t understand why he felt that need.

Ever since you guys have been in that hellhole of an orphanage, you always tried to protect each other, but you always tried to take the beatings that were meant for him. He always blamed himself for you being beaten and tortured. It was his fault, if he just takes the abuse and the “punishments” by himself, then you wouldn’t have to get involved and suffer because of him. If Atsushi wasn’t so frail, if he wasn’t so weak, if he just wasn’t a mistake-

“Naka, you okay? You’re zoning out again. You’re gonna walk right into the street if you don’t stop that!”

“R-right. Sorry (Y/N). I guess what happen-“

“The orphanage still gets to you, I know. Please stop blaming yourself, Nakajima. It wasn’t any of our faults, and I don’t blame you for none of it. If anything, I should have done a better job of protecting you. There’s no excuse, neither one of us should have went through what we did, especially you. If anything, I’m the one that needs to apologize. I should’ve tried harder in keeping you-”

“(Y/N) stop saying that! Neither one of us deserved it! You can’t be the strong one for the both of us. I want and have to protect you too! I want to be confident enough in myself and my ability to keep you safe. I already failed when we stuck at that damn orphanage, I’m not going to fail you again! Damn it (Y/N)! Give me a chance to prove to you that I can take care of you like how you took care of me!”

You were stunned. Did your little brother carry this much of a burden because of you? How long has he been feeling this way? He didn’t have to prove himself to you! He was more than enough, and you couldn’t help but feel guilty thinking that it was your fault for him feeling this way

After a very long heart to heart with him, you finally understood where he was coming from. You couldn’t promise him that you would stop your protective nature, but you did let him fight his own battles for once (but you still weren’t letting him get seriously hurt, that still wasn’t going to happen obviously). He told you that he was getting older, and that like it or not that you weren’t always going to be by side. He needed to learn how to stand on his own two feet, and while he loved that you were there for him to lean on, he needed this for himself and for you. He knew that being the best brother that he could be was getting stronger and getting better with his ability, he owed you that much

Atsushi loves you, and he has the same resolve like you. Being that you two are the only thing that you both have left in this world, he wanted to make sure that he wouldn’t lose you under any circumstances. Him bettering himself everyday with the help of you and the agency members and was more than enough to make sure that wouldn’t happpen

[mrsalwayswrite]

To Call Forth Love - Chapter 6

Haha, I’m so excited for this chapter. Please let me know what y’all think! Also a huge thank you to everyone who has liked/commented/reblogged. You guys deserve all the love and cookies possible! 

Warnings: swearing, fluff (i think that’s it, sorry if i miss something)

Words: 7300 (i feel like my chapters keep getting longer. oops?)

Tag List: @heavenly1927 @youbloodymadgenius @zuxiezendler @punkrocknpearls​

Series Masterlist

The aroma of coffee surrounded Kari like a warm, comforting blanket. The café was just the perfect amount of busy, there were a few other tables occupied but without feeling cramped or overwhelming. The lunch rush was just beginning, indicated by the number of patrons standing in line to order now. 

 The brunette sipped on her latte as she slowly swiped through the pictures on Gyda's phone. The two were finally meeting up for an early lunch and coffee after a yoga class. Gyda had been gushing about the trip she just returned from to Phnom Penh, telling stories of the week she spent there and letting Kari slide through the pictures on her phone. 

 "These are just gorgeous. Gods, you have the best job, I swear."

 Gyda laughed, picking at the muffin in front of her. "I know. I can't imagine doing anything else though."

 "When do you leave again?"

 "Mmmm…. I’m not sure yet. The company is wanting me to go to Vancouver, British Columbia next. I might wait until the end of September to go. I'm not sure. Either way, it won't be for at least a month. Depends on how soon I want to go visit mom."

 "Why wouldn't you want to go soon?" Kari perked up at the mention of Gyda's mother. She knew the two were close, but all she really knew about Lagertha was from what Ivar told her.

 "I'm not a fan of her new boyfriend. Sorry, she prefers the term "lover". Kalf works for her, specifically with contacts from their Mediterranean partners and overseeing some of the shipments."

 "Why don't you like him?" She swiped to the next image, a stunning picture of the Cambodian royal palace. 

 The blonde waved her hand vaguely, as if swatting a fly. "He hasn't done anything; I just don't like him."

 "That's fair. Does he treat your mom well?"

 "Yeah. She just has shit luck with men and I'm worried how this one will turn out." She sipped on her coffee, gazing out the nearby window for a moment. 

 Kari turned back to the phone, guessing there was more that Gyda was not saying. Not that she needed to know. No, she had enough drama in her life currently and his name was Ivar. 

 Both women lounged in the wooden café chairs, still in their yoga clothes, having come straight from the studio. Except Gyda changed her footwear, losing the sandals for a pair of wedge heels that made her long legs look like skyscrapers. It was hard not to envy Gyda's body, and Torvi for that matter. They both had the perfect hourglass figure, with all the right assets and gorgeously braided, blonde hair. Maybe it was some standard that women around the Lothbroks had perfect bodies. It made Kari wonder why Ivar paid her any attention then. Her body was far from perfect. Her chest side was decent, but she always thought her hips and thighs were too large. Most likely leftover critiques from her mother who not-so-lovingly would say Kari was pear-shaped and needed to focus on losing all that extra or no man would want her. Not that she was trying to get a man. Over the past two years she had finally come to embrace her body and was learning to be comfortable in her own skin. Though some days were better than others. It was still difficult to watch Gyda receive appreciative looks from many of the patrons as they passed by their table and know none of them would even give her a second glance. The blonde was effortlessly beautiful. Perhaps there was a way for her to teach Kari that. 

 Suddenly Gyda zeroed in on the brunette with a mischievous gleam in her eyes. "Speaking about men…."

 "Are you going on a date?" 

 Gyda snorted, with an amused grin on her face. "Hell no. I'm not interested in a relationship right now. I am perfectly fine being single. Stop changing the subject. There is a little something going around the Lothbrok rumor mill that Ivar took you on a date to Casa mia, Maggiore."

 "Not a date, it was just as friends." Kari clarified. 

 She gave her an incredulous look. "Just friends?"

 "Yes."

 Gyda narrowed her eyes at her. 

 "What? We went out to Casa mia, Maggiore and then I convinced him to go to Masterpiece. After he dropped me back off at home. Nothing happened."

 "Right…." Gyda hummed. "So, it was a date."

 Kari dropped her face into her hands with a groan. "Not a date. Just friends."

 "Whatever you say. Just know Ivar doesn't take just anyone to his favorite restaurant. Hell, I think he only took his ex there once in the ten months they were dating. He usually only goes with Aslaug."

 "Oh? Um, I didn't know…" The brunette hated how she perked up at this new information. It should not matter hearing that he never took anyone, that it really was his favorite restaurant and he wanted to share it with her. In their texting, he made reference to when they went back, what food he wanted her to try next. Something apparently, he was not even inclined to do with an ex. No, none of that should matter. But it did, and the way her heart swelled at the realization only proved that to her. 

 "Clearly he really likes you to take you there. Do you like him?"

 "Sure, he's a good friend."

 Gyda sighed dramatically, tipping her head back. "You're killing me, Kari! Fine! When was this not-date? A week ago?"

 "Eight days, yeah."

 "Have you hung out since then?"

 "Yeah, he picked me up once and we went out for dinner. Another time, he took me out on my lunch break. He had to go on a business trip so I haven't seen him in…. three days?"

 "Right. I'm guessing he's blowing up your phone while he's been gone?"

 Kari took a sip of her drink as she mumbled, "sort of." The truth was they were practically texting non-stop. It was mostly discussions, and arguments on his side, of superficial things like TV shows, the proper time to wake up in the morning and her lack of clothing that was more than yoga attire. Other times they sent memes back and forth or links to funny YouTube clips. Kari never realized how lonely she was before Ivar thrust himself into her life with all the force and subtlety of a rocket. 

 "What does that mean?" Gyda eyed her for a long moment before she gasped and slapped the table. "Oh shit! Is he sending you dick pics?"

 Kari choked on air. After hacking for a couple of seconds, tears coming to her eyes because of the action, she vigorously shook her head. "No! No! Ewww....no! We keep sending stupid memes to each other and talking about where we should go out next. That's it. I promise."

 The blonde laughed loudly at Kari's reaction, who fiddled with her earring, face burning with embarrassment. The two sat quietly for a couple of minutes, sipping their drinks and watching the line of lunch patrons increase. 

 "So…. it kind of sounds like you're dating."

 "No, we're just friends. Why can't friends just hang out?" Kari tried to argue. The beginning tendrils of annoyance creeping in at constantly having to defend their friendship. 

 Gyda stared at her. "Have you made-out?"

 A blush colored Kari's cheeks before she could figure out a good enough lie, giving away the truth. 

 "What?! How often?!" Her enthusiastic friend cried, before waving her hand once again. "Never mind. Listen, he's taking you out to his favorite restaurant. He is clearly going out of his way to spend time with you. He is texting you! You don't realize how big of a deal this is for him! He generally hates people. I'm positive he has murder plans for most of those he is forced to be around. Does he know you're just friends? Because to me, it doesn't sound like it."

 Kari covered her face with her hands, tears of frustration springing to her eyes. Ivar and her could only be friends, that was what she promised herself. If he knew her, the real her…. it would never happen. He would never want her. So it was best to remain friends, to protect both of them from the inevitability that anything more would never happen. Even though their line of friendship was blurring…. and that was the worst part. She found herself wishing to continue to blur that line, even when she knew it would only end in disaster. Taking a deep breath, she could smell his cologne, a scent she had become so used to now. Her mind could easily conjure the feeling of being in his arms, his mouth on hers as she gave in under his touch. She cared for him, deep down she knew more than a friend. Although he could annoy her to no end, she enjoyed his presence, his humor, that vulnerable side that peeked out occasionally, how he made her feel safe and beautiful. 

 Now hearing Gyda pointedly telling her that Ivar was treating her as more than a friend. It left her speechless and wondering if she was making a mistake. 

 Gyda’s tone softened when she spoke next. "Why are you so set on just friends?"

 "I just…. I don't want to date right now. After my last relationship, I just want to focus on myself."

 "That's fair but listen, he isn't going to wait around for you forever."

 "I know. I don't want him too." She admitted, tugging on her earring. Though her statement was the truth, it still tasted bitter on her tongue. 

 "Ok, but does he know that? It sounds like he’s set on you, but I'm going to warn you. Don't break his heart. He isn't the type to recover from heartbreak. His heart is already locked up more securely than Fort Knox but if you break it…."

 "I promise, that isn't my intent. I just…. can't. I like him, more than I thought I would. He is funny and charming and sweet but also infuriating and demanding and I've had more fun with him than I've ever had with a guy friend before. He…. I can be myself around him and I think he can too. But I just…. It can't go further than friendship."

 Gyda mulled over her words. "Alright. I don't fully understand but I get it. It's nice to hear that he's connecting with someone. None of us liked his ex. He only really spends time with family or Floki."

 "I don't want to hurt him." Kari whispered. 

 "I know. You're too sweet to purposefully do something like that." The blonde tilted her head to the side with a slowly growing smug look. "I give it until the end of the year and you'll be naked in his bed."

 "Gods! What? Why would you say that?"

 "He's a Lothbrok. They always get what they want."

 *****

 Kari laid curled up on her full-size bed, her laptop up and watching Downton Abbey. A heating pad rested on her abdomen as she waited for the pain relievers to kick in. Most of her life she was happy with, but the one thing she would easily trade out would be the painful cramps when PMSing. The birth control she took helped out, but there was usually still one day that the dreaded cramps hit hard. 

 Her phone dinged. Languidly reaching over, she grabbed it from beside her pillow and opened it to check the text. 

 Ivar: wat r u doin?

 He texted her earlier that day saying he was returning home from his sudden business trip. 

 Kari: nothing

 Ivar: good. bts. 

 She groaned, slamming her face into her pillow. She did not have the energy to deal with him right now. All she wanted was to relax and eat her body weight in chocolate. After a moment of self-pity, she texted him back, hoping she could get out of whatever he had planned already. 

 Kari: no, I don't feel good.

 Ivar: wat wrong?

 Kari: nothing bad.  

 Sure, they had been talking daily for over a week but that did not mean she wanted to divulge her period issues to him. There were a few things she knew and one was that guys did not like talking about the menstrual cycle. 

 When he did not text back right away, she turned her attention back to her laptop and the TV show playing. Soon enough the magic of pain relievers and hot pads kicked in and her pain was minimal, though she had no intentions of leaving her warm cocoon. Alana was at her night class, so Kari was home alone. Not unusual really, but tonight she certainly felt the urge to lay around and do nothing. 

 After about twenty minutes, she heard a loud knock on her front door. Alana was not home, so it could not be any of her friends. Her neighbor, Erik, never just showed up. He always made sure to text before coming to her door. Maybe there was some kind of emergency? Or a package being dropped off? Though at this time it was certainly getting late for any kind of deliveries. Then it hit her. 

 Ivar. 

 "Ughhhh," she groaned, rolling out of her bed. For a split second she contemplated not answering it, just staying in her warm bed. She knew, though, if she did not get it, he would probably bust the door down. Maybe even set it on fire to make a point. He seemed like the type to light things on fire for fun. 

 As soon as she opened the front door, those intense blue eyes scanned over her body as if looking for some unseen disease. "What's wrong with you?" He barked at her, one hand still on the doorframe.

 "What?" She blinked owlishly. 

 "You said you don't feel good." He gestured towards her, his gaze still searching. "What's wrong?"

 "Um, it's nothing. Just cramps. It's better now."

 "You sure? It's nothing worse?"

 She was touched by his concern, the way his last questions were said in a breath of relief as if actually worried about her health. "Yeah, happens every month. I'm fine."

 "Ok, good. Get changed, Hvitty and I are going to see a movie. I want you to come with us."

 "Ivar, you should hang out with your brother…."

 "I fucking live with him. He's fine with it. Go change."

 She sighed, knowing by now there was no way she was making it back to her warm cocoon and Downton Abbey. Besides, she had missed him while he was gone and found herself wanting to spend time with him. Not that she wanted him to know that, it would only inflate his ego. "I'll only agree to come with you on two conditions."

 "Fucking what?" He growled, though she could see the amusement in his eyes. 

 "First, I'm wearing my comfy clothes." She waved her hand at the pair of soft, black leggings she wore and the thin, slouchy sweater with the word 'beautiful' printed on it. "Second, and this is the most important condition, you have to buy me a stupid amount of chocolate."

 He rolled his eyes, but a smile tugged on his lips. "If that's all, princess…."

 "Oh, give me a minute. I'll think of something else… and it's not princess. It's m'lady."

 "Shut up. Get your shit. I'll meet you at the car."

 She laughed as she raced up to her room to grab her purse, not even bothering to change out of her clothes. The only addition was to throw on a zip up jacket that was a size too big on her. She always found movie theaters too cold to be fully comfortable without a jacket. 

 The vehicle waiting for her this time was a luxury SUV. She stopped for a moment in the driveway, unsure what to do. She wondered what the neighbors would think of her getting picked up in this and how many knew Lothbroks were sitting in it. Hopefully no one was paying attention. The one of the back doors opened so she headed that way. Ivar slid over and she followed him into the vehicle, closing the door behind her. 

 "Took you fucking long enough, m'lady."

 She smirked at the nickname. "Well, you did just show up at my door and told me we were going to see a movie. At least the other times you gave me a heads up to be ready."

 "Ivar, you said you text her we were coming." A man she had not noticed said. He sat across on the bench seat facing them, watching her curiously. It was now Kari noticed how both Ivar and the guy were dressed casually, both in jeans and t-shirts, though Ivar had a light jacket on also. 

 "She said she wasn't doing anything." 

 The flaxen-haired man sighed, before reaching his hand out. "Hi, I'm Hvitserk. This idiot's older brother."

 "It's nice to meet you. I'm Kari." She took his hand, but instead of shaking it like she expected, he turned it over and pressed a lingering kiss to the back of her hand. When he released it, he gave her a quick, flirty wink and leaned back in his seat. 

 Startled by his bold action, she looked at Ivar, unsure how to respond. What was with these Lothbroks and their unabashed flirting? 

 He had his eyes narrowed at his brother, teeth practically grinding. "Fucking touch her again." He snarled. 

 Hvitserk chuckled, a smug look on his boyish face. "Relax, brother. I know you don't share…. even if you're just friends." Either he was purposefully antagonizing his younger brother or did not notice the anger seething off of him. 

 Ivar started to lean forward but Kari wrapped her arms around his, pulling him into her. She was not about to watch a fight go down between the two. "Didn't you just get back from your trip? I thought you'd be home resting." She quickly asked, trying to distract. 

 After a long moment of the brothers staring at each other, Ivar with a glare and Hvitserk looking amused, the raven-haired brother leaned back. He turned his head to look at her as he answered. "You said you wanted to see me earlier, and going to see a movie isn't strenuous."

 "Everything involving you is strenuous."

 As soon as she muttered the words, she wished she could take them back. 

 A devilish grin spread across his face, those blue eyes dancing with something mischievous and forbidden. "I can show you strenuous." He shifted to hover over her, lips dangerously close to hers. "All. Night. Long." He whispered, one hand leaving a trail of fire as it slid from her thigh up to the curve of her breast. A shiver ran down her spine at the low, hungry tone and the naked want in his gaze. "You'll be begging for more of me…. to destroy that pussy and leave you completely undone and hoarse from screaming my name." His tongue flicked at her earlobe, a choked gasp leaving her mouth at the sensation. Her eyes fluttered shut on their own accord, the knot in her core tightening painfully. She both hated and loved what his touch did to her, how it gave her a taste of pleasure otherwise unknown. His nose traced her jawline as he spoke again, tone filthy, making her core ache. "You'd like that, wouldn't you, kattungen?"

 She gulped, her voice coming out far more timid and needy than she wanted. "That's...um, that's nice." 

 Hvitserk's laughter broke the smoldering tension. Her blue-green eyes blinked rapidly as if wakening from a dream, darting to stare at the older brother before returning to the one who still lingered over her, his presence alone keeping her pinned to her seat. 

 "En dag, søte Kari, blir du min." Ivar whispered into her ear, then kissed her temple tenderly. After he leaned back, legs splayed out and arms across the back of the seat. A rapid conversation in that foreign language started, Hvitserk saying something that had Ivar snarking back and rolling his eyes. 

 The whole time, Kari focused on slowing down her breathing and trying to tamper down the warmth radiating from her core. There was no denying it, Ivar did something to her on a primal level. Her body wanted him. Even her mind wanted him. When he directed that sensual, seductive side at her, she melted like an ice cube in June. Her panties were testimony to that. Thankfully, he did not turn that powerful ability onto her frequently. She doubted they would remain 'just friends' for long if he did. 

 Suddenly, Ivar tugged on the sleeve of her fleece jacket, drawing her from her thoughts. "What is that?"

 "Um… a jacket?"

 He hummed then glanced over at his brother. "Sigurd had the same one, doesn't he, Hvitty?"

 "I think so." Hvitserk ran a hand over his braids, a smile on his lips. "Didn't you set it on fire?"

 Ivar waved off the question, still scrutinizing her jacket.  "Whose is it?"

 "Mine now." She replied, wondering what he was getting at. 

 "Whose was it?"

 "A guy friend. He lent it to me years ago and I never gave it back."

 "He's in England?"

 "Yeah…"

 He grunted, rubbing a hand over his mouth for a moment. "Take it off."

 "Wha…. what?" She sputtered. 

 "Take it off. I don't want you wearing another guy's clothes."

 "Ivar, this is stupid. Plus, I always get cold in movie theaters. That's why I brought it in the first place."

 With a deep scowl, he tugged off his own gray, soft shell jacket. When he saw she was not moving, he tugged on her sleeve roughly. She huffed but gave in, not willing to fight him over something so childish. She slipped the fleece jacket off and placed it in her lap. Before she could stop him, Ivar snatched the jacket out of her lap and threw it on the seat to his other side. He dropped his jacket in her lap then leaned back, watching her with a serious expression. This was one of those times she wondered why she put up with him. Who cared where the origins of her clothes came from? It was comfy. Sure, it had some sentimental value but it was a nice, warm jacket. 

 Quickly, she slipped his gray jacket on…. and was immediately hit with his scent. A salacious side of her wondered if he would let her keep it. He always smelled incredible and having his jacket now wrapped around her, enveloping her in that…. her libido definitely woke up, begging for attention. Especially after the tease he just bestowed upon her.  

 "Happy?" She asked flippantly, smoothing the gray jacket down over her and trying not to be obvious with her sniffing it. 

 He grinned. "You look better in my clothes."

 "Ugh. Is he always like this?" She turned to Hvitserk.  

 "I wouldn't know. He's never asked me to take my clothes off. But if you did, I'd happily oblige." He playfully winked at her. 

 She groaned. "You both are unbelievable. No wonder you're brothers." She looked at Ivar beside her. "Can I have my jacket back?"

 He raised a single eyebrow as if surprised by her question. After a second of mutual staring, he slid over and opened the window, maintaining pointed eye contact the whole time. Before she could process what he was going to do, he balled up her jacket and threw it out the open window. Without a word, he rolled the window back up and slid over to her side again. 

 "What jacket?" He questioned impishly. 

 She stared open-mouthed at him. "Was…. was that really necessary? Gods! Why did you do that?" 

 "I don't want you wearing another guy's clothes." He shrugged. "If it's that big of a problem, I'll buy you some new clothes."

 "That's not…. that's not the point! You can't just get rid of something of mine without my permission!"

 "But it wasn't yours, it was some guy friend's."

 She covered my face with her hands. Why should she expect anything different from Ivar? He had a vendetta against her clothes. With a sigh, she scooted away from him. "I feel like we need to make a list of things that are not ok for you to do."

 "I'm not following some fucking list."

 "Alright, I'll stop wearing clothes that belong to someone else if you promise not to throw away my clothes without my permission."

 He yanked on her arm until she was at his side again, despite her half-hearted attempt for space. "You can wear my clothes anytime, especially if I can take them off of you."

 "Ivar, I'm serious."

 He nuzzled the crook of her neck, making her squirm. Sweetly, he pressed a kiss to her neck before leaning back. "Fine." He muttered, tucking her into his side. 

 She glanced over at Hvitserk, having momentarily forgotten his presence. A broad smile covered his face, highlighting his handsome features. 

 "I like her." He declared, meeting his brother's eye with a nod. Next he looked at her, cocking his head to the side. "What are you doing with his sorry ass?"

 That earned a low growl from the youngest Lothbrok, causing Kari to jump faintly and Hvitserk's smile to grow.

 "Well, I didn't have much of a choice. He showed up at my work the first time." She answered honestly, though she mostly did it to tease Ivar. 

 Hvitserk threw his head back with a groan before narrowing his eyes at his brother. "I told you not to stalk her!"

 "What the fuck is this? Gang up on Ivar day? She wouldn't have gone out with me otherwise and afterward she said she had fun, so it's not a big deal."

 Hvitserk's brown eyes met her blue-green ones with true sympathy in them. "I'm sorry, Kari. I would say he isn't normally like this but I'm guessing you know that's a damn lie by now."

 She giggled, "Yeah, I do. Thank you though."

 "You know, we could always ditch him and go to the movie just us."

 "Oh yeah?" She tapped her chin, pretending to think the offer over. "That sounds like fun. Ivar did promise to buy me a stupid amount of chocolate though. It'd be a hard sell to pass that offer up."

 "I'm sure I can come up with something." He wiggled his blond eyebrows, smiling again. 

 "Shut the fuck up, both of you." 

 Kari laughed at the look on Ivar's face. Peering up at him, she changed the subject. "What movie are we seeing?"

 "Ask your new friend over there."

 "Come on, Ivy. You know we're just fucking with you." Hvitserk sighed.  

 Ivar grumbled, looking out the window and ignoring both of them.

 Hvitserk answered her question. "That new horror movie."

 "Oh ok." She hoped she sounded confident but kind of wished she had known before coming. Horror movies were not her thing. As a child, she had watched 'IT' at a sleepover and decided then that purposefully being scared was something she could do without. Though knowing Ivar, he would have laughed and pushed her out the door, saying something about how she needed to watch better shit than she normally did. Maybe this one would be more action-based than real horror. She could only hope. 

 Thankfully, they pulled up at the movie theater soon after. The driver dropped the three off at the door, driving off after to go park and wait. 

 "Ivar, hold on." She tugged on his arm, forcing him to slow his steps instead of walking ahead of the other two. "Give us a minute, Hvitserk."

 The blond brother gave her a quick nod. "I'll go buy some snacks."

 After he walked away, she tried to meet Ivar's gaze, though he pointedly stared over her shoulder. "Hey, we're just teasing. I'm sorry if we pushed it too far. I'm really happy you asked me to come out with you and your brother. It's been years since I've gone out to the movies."

 He remained stubbornly sullen, continuing to stare just over her shoulder as if her presence was a nuisance. 

 With a sigh, she shifted closer, taking the initiative to wrap her arms loosely around his waist. Something she had noticed during the times they had hung out was he liked touching her, not always sexually, but just casual, intimate touches. A stray thought of him being touch-starved crossed her mind. 

 "I also really like your jacket, it's soft and it smells like you." She softly said, peeking up at him, suddenly nervous about her forwardness. 

 "Yeah?" He breathed out, placing his arms around her and tugging her closer. In just that movement, she could feel the hostility drain out of him, the hard tension in his muscles easing away into a softness she was beginning to doubt many people were allowed to see. 

 "Since you threw my other one away, can I keep this one?" She teased, lips curling up at the edges. If he said no, she was inclined to steal it anyway. For emotional damages, of course, not because it smelled good. 

 "Fuck, yes, kitten." He nuzzled her neck, making her squirm in his arms and giggle at the sensation. After a moment, still chuckling, he kissed her neck then laid his forehead against hers. When he spoke, it was with a quiet hint of vulnerability, his voice just above a murmur. "You really are happy to be out with me?"

 "I am." She confirmed with eyes closed, soaking in the heat from his body against hers. This moment felt so strangely intimate that she struggled between prolonging it or tearing herself away. It was in these touches, she found her resolve wavering, a longing rising within her to give in. His arms around her, just holding her, their foreheads pressed together as if grounding one another. It was euphoric and dangerous. 

 He broke the silence between them, tone muffled as if regretting speaking up. "We should go in; the movie is going to start soon."

 "Ok. Hvitserk will probably come looking for us if we don't." 

 "Ah, fuck. He will." 

 They untangled, but as she moved to step away, he snaked his arm around her waist, tugging her next to him. When she glanced up at him, he only looked down at her in wide-eyed, mock innocence. She rolled her eyes but giggled. He was like a puppy afraid to let go of his new toy. 

 As they started towards the doors, she finally paid more attention to his gait. Each step was stiff but powerful. One more than one occasion she ogled him and his swagger that seemed to scream predator, a dark and deadly thing meanwhile also being so enticing. She wondered how he managed so well without his cane but decided not to bring it up.

 Once they passed through the door, Ivar slowed down, pulling his phone from his pocket. 

 "Shit. I've got to take this. Go wait with Hvitty. Oh, here." He pulled out his wallet and handed her his credit card. "Go buy all that chocolate I promised you and drinks for us."

 Normally she would protest, saying she could buy her own stuff. This time she had full intentions of spending his money on chocolate. "Do you want anything to eat?" 

 "Are you on the menu?"

 "Gods, unbelievable!" She laughed though, watching him smile genuinely. After an arrogant wink, he stepped away, bringing his phone to his ear and speaking rapidly in a foreign language. She scurried over to Hvitserk, who stood near the confessions counter. 

 "Everything alright?" 

 "Yeah," she glanced over her shoulder at Ivar quickly, "he just got a phone call he said he had to take."

 Hvitserk hummed, watching Ivar across the lobby with a peculiar expression. 

 While they waited, she ordered her snacks and the drinks for both of them. Though her doubts rapidly spun out of control as she realized she did not know what Ivar would like or want. With a pleading look thrown at him, Hvitserk gave in with a chuckle. Together they picked out snacks and drinks that would have the youngest Lothbrok's approval. Once done, they gathered their stuff and moved over to an open, standing table to continue waiting. 

 "While Ivar is busy, I wanted to talk to you."

 "Ah, sure." She felt a tendril of dread grow in her belly. Nothing good ever came out of a conversation with such an inauspicious beginning. 

 "I know Ivar can be a lot, closer to fucking insane, and not many people can tolerate him." He looked down at her with brown eyes that seemed to see more than they let on. "But you're good for him. You don't take his bullshit. Fuck, he even listens to you. I could count on one hand how many people Ivar actually listens to. What makes you different?"

 "I don't know. I'm just…. I don't know." She stared down at her chipped, teal fingernails, unable to meet his eyes now. 

 "Well whatever you are, we've already noticed a difference since you two started talking. He's not as angry, he doesn't just hole up in his room as often."

 "That's good."

 "Mmmm…. Ivar is my brother and I love him. But I also know his temper can get the better of him and when he is on a rampage, nothing can fucking stop him. He is easily jealous and possessive of things he deems his own…. and he clearly had staked a claim on you."

 "But…. we're just friends."

 "Not to him." He huffed, running a hand over his braids. After checking to make sure his brother was still on the phone, he continued, lowering his voice even more. "You seem like a nice girl so I'll only say this once. Be careful of what promises you make to him…. and if he ever does something to harm you or scare you, I want you to call me. I'll do what I can to protect you. Alright?"

 She nodded, unnerved by his warning. Sure, she knew about the Lothbrok reputation. Yet this was the first time someone point blank warned her with true understanding. She was unsure if she should appreciate the warning or be terrified that he thought Ivar could hurt her. 

 "Give me your phone."

 Silently, she handed it over. He plugged his number in and called himself. With a satisfied nod, he gave it back to her. 

 "Good, don't ever hesitate to call me. Besides, if my brother has his way, none of us would ever meet you. My other brothers want to meet the girl who has Ivar wrapped around her finger already." He winked at her, making her blush. 

 "Hvitty, stop flirting with her!" 

 The flaxen-haired brother grinned, as he watched his brother approach. "I'm not. Just telling her the others want to meet her."

 "Fuck no." Ivar growled, coming to stand between the two. 

 "I'd love to meet your brothers." She commented lightly. "After hearing you talk about them, it'd be nice."

 "Awww, Ivy, you talk about us?" Hvitserk teased, nudged his shoulder with his own. 

 "Not you, asshole."

 Hvitserk laughed, pressing his forehead swiftly to Ivar's. "Come on, the movie has probably started."

 Ivar and Kari followed behind Hvitserk, as he led them to the correct auditorium. Along the way, she handed Ivar a couple of the boxes of candy she bought and the drink picked out for him. 

 "How much fucking candy did you buy?" He grumbled, eyeing the boxes suspiciously. 

 "Enough. If you ask nicely, I might share." She quipped. "I even bought Heksehyl for both of us. Hvitserk said it's your favorite…. and I also got Dumle. Oh, and Guld Barre!" 

 "I did promise you chocolate."

 She giggled. "Yes, you did."

 The three of them found the auditorium and took seats off to the side. Ivar sat in the middle with Kari on his right and Hvitserk on his left. The movie had just started as they sat down, the lights and noise minimal. Though apprehensive about the movie, Kari found herself smiling at just the nostalgic feeling being here evoked. There was something so simple yet profound at being with friends, eating sweets and watching the silver screen. Let alone the darkness of the theater and the nearby munching of popcorn by others and the occasion sound of people talking. She missed this. So, she endowed to enjoy every part of this. Quietly eating her chocolates, she kept her gaze on the screen.

 After some time, Kari felt a large hand on her upper thigh, inching slowly higher and higher. Jolting at the sudden feeling, she grabbed it, trying to stop its further ascent. Immediately, Ivar flipped his hand over and entwined their fingers. She tried to half-heartedly tug out of it, but he maintained a vice-like grip on her hand. In an attempt to glare at him, she swiveled in her seat to gain his attention. Only for him to remain solely focused on the screen. Rolling her eyes, she gave in, shifting back to continue watching the movie. Their fingers remained entangled. 

 Eventually, the chocolate lay forgotten in her lap as the images on the screen became more disturbing and graphic. A few chuckles came from Ivar and Hvitserk and whispered comments made between them. Once someone in the theater screamed as a person on the screen was suddenly killed. The abrupt sound made Kari jump, squeezing Ivar's hand. He laughed, but squeezed her hand back. Not long after, she gave up on watching the movie and just tucked her face against his shoulder. Horror movies were never her thing, the idea of purposefully being scared never appealed to her. And this movie had a thing for people being eaten alive. Not something she wanted imprinted into her brain. The thought crossed her mind that Ivar orchestrated this on purpose, since he seemed to be fully enjoying her cuddling into him. As if without concern, his head lay on top of hers, continuing to hold her hand. If she was not so concerned about having nightmares and trying to block out the hair-raising screams, she might have liked the cuddling. In this instance though, if he moved, she was going to punch him. 

 Once the movie ended, Ivar and Hvitserk argued about the movie- how some of the people should have died or about the graphics of the terrifying creatures. They both became more and more animated as the three of them walked out of the movie theater and towards the waiting SUV. 

 "What did you think, Kari?" Hvitserk asked, taking his seat across from the others, once they all piled in. 

 "She was scared." Ivar answered, leaning back, his arm on the back of the seat and behind her. 

 "That creature was eating that girl's brain while she was still alive! I did not want to see that! I'm going to have nightmares."

 Smirking, Ivar tilted closer, invading her personal space. "Want me to stay with you? I'll keep you safe…. and make sure you dream of other more, pleasurable, things."

 "No, you'd probably try to scare me on purpose." She accused, pushing his body away from her with a pout. 

 "Well, thanks for seeing it with us." Hvitserk spoke up. "Gods, Bjorn would love it. We'll have to tell him."

 The youngest brother nodded before turning back to the brunette by his side. "You coming out with us for drinks now? We always get drinks after."

 "No, I can't. I have to open tomorrow. I need to sleep."

 "Come on, it'll be fine."

 "No. I'll be getting up at 5:30. That's in like…. six hours." This was one thing she was not going to give into. He had dragged her from her bed already once tonight. He was not about to make her lose out on anymore sleep. Not everyone was able to sleep all morning like certain people. 

 "Next time," Hvitserk said with a shrug, a grin on his face as if amused by the interaction across from him. "I'm sure we can all go out again soon. Right, Ivy?"

 Ivar snorted, "Fine. We'll drop you off."

 A discussion about the movie and comparing it to others swiftly captured the two brothers' attention. Finding herself growing tired, Kari just leaned back and listened, her head resting on the back of the seat, and consequently, Ivar's arm. It was different and refreshing seeing him interact with someone he clearly trusted and cared about. His guard was down and even if some of his comments sounded more like sharp barbs, it was said without true malice. The flaxen-haired brother took each verbal jab like water off a duck's back, either making a joke out of the comment or ignoring it. Throughout the interaction, the care and respect for one another was evident, even if on the surface level it appeared dysfunctional. A smile hinted on her lips as she listened to the brothers. She hoped this was not the last time she spent time with Hvitserk. Though his warning still rang in the back of her mind, she liked him. The whole ride back, Ivar kept his arm behind her, sporadically playing with the ends of her hair. 

 At their arrival to her townhouse, Hvitserk said his goodbye to her in the vehicle, surprising her with a swift hug and peck on the cheek. Her face must have been quite flushed if his laughter after meant anything. Ivar grumbled something at his brother in their foreign language as he pulled her out of the SUV. To her further surprise, Ivar walked her to her front door instead of staying with his brother. 

 "Thanks for inviting me out." She said honestly, once they reached the door. 

 "Next time we'll watch something you enjoy."

 Before she could second guess herself, she stepped closer and wrapped her arms around him. Instantly, his arms went around her, pulling her closer. While the hug at the movie theater was sweet and intimate, this hug carried a different tone. It was more urgent and passionate. Her face rested on his collarbone, allowing his scent to envelope her. He laid a soft kiss to the top of her head, resting his chin there after. For a split second, she realized she never wanted to leave this moment. To be safe and warm and comforted and wanted. It was all she had ever hoped for. This was dangerous water they treaded in. With each intimate action, she could feel their friendship sailing closer and closer to the waters of something more. The gentle, easy waters of friendship would not be enough to maintain them. 

 With that thought in mind, she regretfully pulled back. "Goodnight." She murmured. 

 "God natt, kattunge."

 "One of these days, you have to tell me what you're saying."

 A devious smirk grew on his lips. "No, I think I like you being in suspense."

 She laughed, shaking her head. They both hesitated to move, the air tense with something, as if both were waiting for the other to say or do something. 

 "Ok, bye." She finally said, opening her front door. 

 He nodded, taking a step back without removing his heated gaze off of her. 

 Shuddering at the feeling of his smoldering gaze, she let herself into the townhouse and made sure to lock the door behind her. Releasing a deep breath, she leaned her back against the door. What was it about him that tempted her so? He was bad news for her. Yet the more time she spent with him, the more she craved being with him. 

��Glancing down, she stared at his soft, gray jacket she still wore and wondered how symbolic this unintended action was.

[arse-crack-thistle]

gifts

rwrb and the five love languages | part two

in which june struggles to have a nice valentine’s date with nora

June never expected to care this much about a stupid holiday like Valentine’s Day, but here she is, practically renovating the apartment to give her girlfriend a perfect night. She strings LED lights around the entire living room ceiling and uses Command hooks to drape the sheer, white Ikea curtains she bought on sale months ago in preparation for this. The lights glow pink through the curtains, making the usually neutral-toned living room appear like Aphrodite’s palace. June’s moved the coffee table into her room and replaced it with a fluffy blanket and a picnic set-up to rival TikTok lesbians.  All she needs now is Nora, if only she weren’t stuck at school.

The texts say, Will be late! Data mining for the gods! [Monet X Change gif] I want to be home with you though. Will bring noodles! And chocolate! Scratch that, I ate the chocolate. Sorry.

June knows she shouldn’t be annoyed because Nora has no idea what she’s coming home to. She also knows who she got into a relationship with—a brilliant mind that’s constantly moving parsecs a minute and has a hard time communicating her feelings. June has to remind herself that Nora loves her even if she doesn’t always show it.

That’s what tonight is for. It’ll give them time to slow down and just be together. Break the routine. Talk or not talk. She doesn’t expect it to be mushy or obnoxious—June isn’t a super, flowery romantic herself—but she does want another sentimental moment to hold onto forever.

Like the night of the 2020 election over a year ago. After Alex and Henry slipped away and everyone else was celebrating in their own groups, Nora pulled June into a storage closet at the venue and kissed her point blank, leaving no questions in her mind that their dabbles the months before meant something more than spectacular.

Or like six months ago when Nora asked her if she wanted to move in with her. She didn’t do anything particularly special, but she slammed her laptop shut while June was throwing on one of her sweatshirts and asked her to stay—to take the second bedroom because Nora needs space sometimes—but to stay with her because she was her favorite person. June answered with a happy “yes,” and Nora got up and kissed her. They didn’t talk much more about it; June just packed up her room at the White House and let the world think they were very best friends.

June pours a glass of wine and waits on the couch, flipping through social media. A few hours ago, her brother posted a picture from the Valentine’s gala he and Henry threw for the London queer youth center. Alex, Henry, Bea, Catherine, and even Philip and Martha hold champagne flutes with cheeky smiles on their faces. The POTUS account has a sweet yet posed picture of her mother and Leo. She likes everything she sees, from the various celebrities she follows to the photos she’s tagged in by fans. The time on her phone reminds her Nora’s now over an hour late.

She texts her, Home soon?

Ten minutes later her phone dings. Need more time. Almost done!

You are aware it’s Valentine’s, yes? And that we had plans?

Yes!!!! But flexible plans, right? Not like we can’t eat noodles and make out later. Will leave soon though. Promise.

I got food covered. Just get home please.

June sighs. She thought she made it clear this morning that they deserved a night with no distractions. God, they need to talk; she’s afraid to, but nothing will get better if she doesn’t say anything and if they don’t try.

The charcuterie board spread she copied off of Pinterest has been sitting out for a while so she moves it from the floor to the fridge. “Soon” for Nora could mean an hour. Empty coffee mugs line the sink. An open pack of weed gummies sits on the counter, hardening. Binders of paperwork and schoolwork collect on the kitchen table. There’s so much Nora in here. June redecorated the living room and kitchen when she moved in, but Nora’s managed to touch everything.

She smiles. If this were Alex, she’d be pissed at the mess, but it’s Nora. The beautiful, erratic mess that is Nora. The girl who can have four different shows on at once and can still get shit done. The girl who always burns pancakes when she tries to cook breakfast for June. The girl who never fails to kiss her first.

June won’t lose her. So she sits down on the floor, runs her fingers over the fleece, and waits. And drinks more wine.

Sometime later, when a key turns in the lock, she downs the last sip in her glass and sets it down. Some old love songs play from her phone, the ones she and Nora love to make fun of. She hears her girlfriend curse when her key gets stuck, and then she bursts through the door and catches herself before she could slip on the hardwood.

“I know you said you got food covered, but I got noodles any—Whoa! You did all of this?” Nora walks into the living room with takeout bags in her hands and stares, mesmerized, at the ceiling. Her contacts must’ve been bothering her because she has on her back-up glasses.

“Hi. Happy Valentine’s Day,” June says and reaches for Nora’s hand to pull her down.

“I’m sorry, June. I had no idea. I thought we both hated this holiday, so tonight wasn’t that big of a deal. But this—this is beautiful,” Nora says, having a hard time meeting June’s eyes.

“Thanks.” June rubs Nora’s hand with her thumb. “And this isn’t really about the holiday. I just wanted to give something nice to you—to us—just us. With no distractions.”

The strings from “At Last” by Etta James play from the phone. The curtains billow from the air blowing out the vent. As much as she hates to ruin the moment, June has to start the conversation.

But Nora takes a deep breath and talks first. “I know I’m a bit all over the place but that doesn’t mean I don’t love you. I just have a lot going on.”

“I know, but sometimes it feels like you don’t care about us as much as I do. It feels like an afterthought to you,” June says.

“That’s not true, June! Come on! You know me.” She grabs June’s other hand and squeezes.

She squeezes back. “You don’t act with feelings in mind, but I know you have them. And I know it’s hard for you, but I need you to share them with me more. I need a reminder that you care every once in a while.”

Nora’s quiet. She uses her arm to wipe her eyes, knocking her glasses off.  “I—I’m sorry. I don’t know what to do.”

June’s chest collapses. She wraps Nora up in her arms. “I’m sorry, Nor. I don’t mean you’re not enough for me. I love you so much. I—”

“No, I understand. I just—I need help with that. I need you to tell me when you need more—maybe not after the fact like now but—”

June laughs and pulls away. “You’re right. I have a stewing problem. I just assume you’ll eventually get it.”

“Yeah, don’t assume that.��� Nora laughs too—the big kind that shows all of her teeth. “Reign me in when I’ve been off for too long. And know it’s not on purpose. I’m seriously spiraling in my own head the majority of the time.”

“Ha! And a hot head it is too.”

They both pause and look into each other’s eyes. And bust out into laughing fits. June makes a fart sound with her mouth, and Nora tackles her. They rumble around on the blanket for about forty seconds before June’s wine glass tips over and surprisingly bounces instead of shattering.

The girls take that as an opportunity to stop and pour some more glasses of wine. Nora preps the takeout while June brings the charcuterie board back to the indoor picnic. Nora changes the music to some weird techno shit, but June snatches the phone. They compromise with One Direction, which makes no sense since 1. June only knows their last album and 2. Nora definitely remembers the story of June turning down the advances of one Niall Horan when she did the daytime talk show circuit after her book deal was announced.

Either way, they stuff their faces and end up cuddled on the floor.

Nora interrupts the moment. “Before we get to sexy time—"

“Jesus Christ.”

“I just wanted to give you something. I would’ve saved it for your birthday, but I can get you something else.” She pops up from the floor and jogs to her bedroom. When she reemerges, she’s carrying a bunched-up blanket. “I didn’t have time to properly wrap it because—you know, you weren’t going to get it yet—although, it probably wouldn’t’ve been wrapped later either—but anyways, happy Valentine’s Day.”

She crouches down and hands over the present. She smiles and bops up and down in anticipation. June unwraps the blanket and sees a book.

It’s one of those photobooks you can get at Walgreens, and on the cover, it reads, “Catalina June Claremont-Diaz and Nora Elizabeth Holleran are NOT good friends…” June flips it over. “They’re fucking GIRLFRIENDS!” Inside is page after page of pictures as early as the day they first met and as recent as New Year’s Eve a month ago. A lot of candid pics they take of each other—Nora’s favorites. A lot of sleepy, cuddle pics—June’s favorites. It’s so perfect.

“Nora—this is—wow.” She feels the tears coming. No one has given her anything like this before.

“I’ll be better—”

“So will I.”

“No matter where my head’s at, I’m always thinking of you—just 50 million other things as well,” Nora says and cups her chin.

June leans in. “I love you.”

“I love you too.”

Nora kisses her, and everything wound up in June relaxes. Her body is so warm. “Best Song Ever” starts playing.

Cue sexy time.

check out the rest of my rwrb and the five love languages series: part one, part three, part four, and part five. (links to come as they’re released)

so this could be for quality time or gifts, but i decided to go with gifts since i had no other ideas for it! it’s definitely not my love language (quality time for the win!) but i had to write something lol. so i made it sapphic bc everything gay is better! <3

rwrb romance week | @rwrb-fests

[azucanela]

SOME WORDS ARE BETTER LEFT UNSAID

SUMMARY: In which there is an unspoken agreement between everyone not to discuss the clear chemistry between the manager and the captain of the Nekoma Volleyball Club. Until one day one of them gets tired of the silence.

WORD COUNT: 1.7K

WARNINGS: trust issues, denial, insecurities, everyone needs a hug, angst? 

A/N: please excuse any errors made i wrote this at 4AM, but hey creative juices are flowing during the oddest hours of the day so. also our king kenma makes an appearance so its worthy reading i swear

There was an unspoken agreement between the notorious manager of the Nekoma Volleyball Club, and the Captain. Though her beauty rivaled that of the Karasuno manager, no one addressed it purely because they knew the way Kuroo Tetsuro looked at her. No matter how many movies there are about unspoken feelings, none of them could compare to these two. The shared looks as they sat in class, bored. Kuroo would make sure she was eating properly, she would ensure he was staying hydrated when staying after school for Volleyball. Kuroo helped her pass any and every science class by tutoring her when necessary, she helps him pass his foreign language class. The texts, the late night calls, the times when one would ask the other to come over and they would, no questions asked. Taking care to slip out of the other’s bed at 4AM to make sure they didn’t get caught. Silent, intimate moments.

Kuroo was sitting on the couch, flicking through channels, moving between Netflix and Hulu in search of something good to watch. She was making popcorn when he got bored and left his seat on the couch to enter the kitchen, leaning his shoulder against the wall to watch her movements. She was slicing fruit, and a block of cheese waited next to the cutting board as she did, waiting for the popcorn to finish. Her hair was down, and she was wearing one of his shirts. It was oversized on her, covering her thighs. He was smiling as he moved from his spot against the wall up behind her, wrapping his arms around her waist and burying his head into her neck. She hummed in response, leaning back into him as she continued to cut the fruit.

For a moment, he could pretend that they weren’t just friends. Because this definitely is not something friends do. Friends don’t hold hands, much less hold each other, they don’t look at each other the way Kuroo looked at her, they don’t care for eachother, not like this.

“Are they dating?”

He’d get asked this question constantly. Kenma would always shake his head, tell them no, they aren’t. Though they are most certainly two of the most in love people he knows. His best friends weren’t even dating, and yet he still felt like the third wheel. How ironic. Now Kenma wasn’t one to interfere with the lives of others, but it was getting ridiculous, so he tried to get involved, once. 

He didn’t bother looking up from his game as he asked, “Why don’t you tell Kuroo how you feel?” Pausing only once to gauge Y/N’s reaction.

She didn’t seem startled, or shocked, in fact, she laughed, “I don’t like Kuroo, silly.” Y/N had told him. “He and I are just close friends, besides you know I’m not looking for a relationship.” She had mentioned this in the past, most people assumed it was because she had feelings for Kuroo. Smart people knew it was because she had feelings for Kuroo.

Kenma raised a brow, “you both act like you two are in a relationship.” Was his response, putting his game down, “and it hurts him because he knows it's not real. If you really don’t feel that way for him, don’t lead him on.”

This statement seemed to hurt her as she became defensive, “I have told him countless times to consider the offers from all the girls in this school, believe me. I agree with you, he shouldn’t wait for someone who doesn’t feel the same.” She paused, hand tapping the table anxiously, “good thing he doesn’t feel anything beyond platonic feelings for me.”

Kenma knew she wasn’t dumb, not by a long shot. Top of her class, heading off to an amazing college, no doubt. Yet, her words seemed so stupid. “You must be blind.” Came his blunt answer. Anyone could see how Kuroo felt for her.

She scoffed, “there’s simply nothing to see. He doesn’t like me, I don’t like him. Why would he like me?” Y/N was staring at her hands, trying to ignore the discomfort Kenma was causing with his prying. Her tendency to overthink doing her no good as she sighed, “I do hope he finds someone, he deserves it.”

It took Kenma a moment to realize that Y/N was trying to convince herself, not him, and it took him another moment to realize that she was truly wondering why Kuroo would like her. And he knew she was being honest, she had tried to get him to go for other girls, but he never had out of loyalty to her. She had even been in one relationship during their first year, the two were going strong for a while.

Until they weren’t. And Kuroo ended up punching the guy in the face. 

When Kenma asked Kuroo if he liked her, he just sighed. They both knew the answer. Kuroo had slept around a lot in their first year, but that had come to a halt more recently. At one point he even tried for a long term relationship with one girl.

She didn’t like Y/N. So that didn’t last.

And now that Kenma had just turned into his neighborhood, bidding you two goodbye as he headed home, just like he did everyday during the walk back from Volleyball practice, the atmosphere felt awkward. Something felt different today as Y/N and Kuroo walked down the path together, his eyes following her figure as he stayed practically glued to her side.

If she was honest, yes, she liked Kuroo. Loved him even. But there were several issues with that, one being that Kuroo is her best friend. She had found someone she could talk to, about any and everything. No filter necessary. No matter how gross, or sad, or weird it was, they could discuss it. She knew she could trust him 100%. Yet, each time he broached the possibility of a relationship she shut him down. She was scared of losing this comfort they had, they would break up eventually. Even if they didn’t things would be different. And in the back of her mind she wondered if he’d leave her. The one constant in her life, gone.

She didn’t like change.

Another issue was that they would graduate at one point. And then head off in what would likely be two very different directions, literally. She had her sights set on a prestigious American college, he just wanted to study Chemistry. Maybe they’d stay in touch, maybe they wouldn’t. Potential time differences caused by living in different countries would make it a struggle and so would conflicting schedules, and stress. And even now, he already had volleyball and school to worry about already.

It would be easier for them both if they just didn’t get together. Which is why, when she realized how comfortable they had been getting, she tried to slow things down. A lot. She started sitting next to Kenma during lunch instead of Kuroo, and began hanging out with the other Volleyball boys far more often. She had been far less physical with him, avoiding most contact with him in general. Taking a rain check each time he asked to hang out, avoiding his calls as often as she could without seeming off. She had been distant, to put it simply.

She missed her best friend, but she knew she couldn’t call him that at this point.

Kuroo had noticed. He always noticed. He noticed the way she got quiet when someone commented on how she was a little too passionate about something, so he asked her about it. He noticed how she’d forget to eat during lunch sometimes, so he would give her a protein bar. He’d notice how when she was nervous, she would bite her nails, or tap her foot at a ridiculous speed. He noticed how when she was sad, she tried to feign joy and boost the morale of those around her, but she still seemed more reserved in a way.

He noticed her. In all her glory, the smell of her shampoo, the scent of her perfume, the glow of her skin in the sunlight, the way her nose crinkled when she laughed her real laugh. How her eyes seemed to shine when she talked about her dreams, the crease in her forehead when she was concentrated. The tears that brimmed her eyes when she talked about certain scenes from her favorite shows and books.

Which is why he got scared when she stopped sharing these things with him, when she stopped giving him hugs, when she stopped calling him at 2AM even though he knew she was awake because of her messed up sleep schedule.

So, as they walked together, he decided this needed to end.

“We need to talk.” He said, eyes on her.

She raised a brow, “what about?” God, she hoped playing dumb would work, but she had tried that with Kenma, and it hadn’t ended all that well. Then again, Kenma did end up dropping the subject, though it took a few tries. 50/50 success rate. What could go wrong?

She watched as Kuroo rolled his eyes, “you know what.” He replied, “also you have been avoiding me.”

She shrugged, “I’ve been busy. I do have things to do, a life. Outside of you.” She held her backpack straps significantly tighter as she spoke, “sorry if you’re feeling neglected.” The words came out meaner than she had expected, and Y/N suddenly found herself feeling guilty as she continued down the street.

“Y/N.” He came to a stop, and she walked a few more steps before stopping as well. Taking a deep breath as she looked upwards, towards the sky. Turns out a lot could go wrong with a 50/50 success rate.

“Kuroo.” Her voice sounded a lot like a warning. “Some things are better left unsaid.”

Thought the finality in her voice hurt, he couldn’t help but scoff, “don’t be ridiculous. I mean, look where that’s gotten us-”

“Kuroo, please.” She turned around to face him, “don’t.”

His eyes locked with hers as he replied, “I’m in love with you.” And now it was out in the open. The thing she had so desperately tried to hide. The feelings she wanted to pretend didn’t exist. 

Y/N inhaled sharply, fidgeting with her hands impatiently, she just wanted to get home. She had always hated confrontations, perhaps that was the reason why she said it. It could’ve been one of the reasons she’d been repeating to herself since their second year. Or maybe the words that left her mouth were true.

“Too bad I don’t feel the same.”

No, they weren’t true. She just wished they were.

[jalapeno-princess]

We’ll Be Okay

Football jock Mark! X Reader

Genre: Angst (warning) Somewhat of a toxic relationship, insecurities

Word Count: 5.9K

Summary: Your relationship with your boyfriend Mark has been on the rocks lately and you’ve been hearing rumors about him cheating on you. Instead of confronting him on your own, you and your best friend Youngjae attempt to catch him in the act at a college party but things don’t go as expected and you’re given the ultimatum to finally end your toxic relationship or continue allowing Mark to take advantage of your love for him.

A/N: Every time I listen to Psycho by Red velvet I wan’t to write an imagine but a storyline never came to me and I’ve been listening to this song on repeat for months (Top Red Velvet song in my opinion don’t @ me) So yeah this is what came out of it I don’t feel as proud of this one as I do my other stories so please go easy one me (honestly this is so messy but whatever) please enjoy! (By the way #teamyoungjae hahahaha)

What should I do about you? I haven't felt this way Up and down a lot I can't control myself One thing is for sure I don't play the game People say we're so weird I just like you so much You know it so well and control me So do I We're in a very weird and strange relationship We crush each other (Crush) And hug each other (And hug) You got me feeling like a psycho, psycho People keep telling us As we fight like it's our last But then we get along They don't get it It's so funny

You knew you shouldn’t have been there. There was nothing you hated more in life than attending college parties. You never found the point in them, but you had a reason for going to this specific one and you wanted nothing more than to find what you’ve came for and then leave. There was a rumor going around school that your boyfriend Mark was secretly fooling around with one of the girls in your science class. You never wanted to be an insecure and easily jealous girlfriend nor did you want to assume the rumors were true without talking to Mark, but you couldn’t help as if there was something he was hiding from you. 

Toxic was the best word to describe your relationship. He had a tendency to make rash decisions without putting anyone’s feelings in to consideration. Your boyfriend also had a very bad temper and would lash out on you over the smallest things. The two of you have been fighting almost every other day for the last month and it was coming to the point where you wondered if you should just call it quits on your relationship entirely. He claimed you were too needy and over expectant of his attention, but whenever you’d stay away from him to give him his space he claimed to need so much, he’d come running back to you less than a day later. 

Deep down you knew it wasn’t healthy in a relationship to argue and to lack trust in one another, but you couldn’t picture life without Mark. He was all your heart knew and craved for the last three years. You knew you deserved better, but you didn’t want anyone else. Mark was it for you. Your friends began to pull you on the side and begged you to leave him. It was obvious your relationship was taking a negative toll on both your mental and physical health. Not only were you drastically losing weight and your eyes were always red and puffy from what they assumed were the cause of tears, but your smile no longer reached your eyes like it used to, you always seemed so out of it whenever someone would talk to you and you found yourself cancelling on plans simply because you didn’t have the energy nor desire to go out. 

Tonight was the first night in weeks that you found yourself getting ready for an event and it wasn’t even one you were particularly excited to be going to. When you told your best friend Youngjae about your assumptions that Mark was cheating on you, he was quick to suggest that the two of you go to where he knew he could find Mark on a Friday night. 

You and your boyfriend were polar opposites. He was the typical football captain; extremely outgoing and friendly to each and everyone that he met. You on the other hand were the definition of an introvert. You were also quite the bookworm and never really interacted with anyone other than your small group of friends unless you really had to. How the two of you ended up together was a mystery to everyone; even to you sometimes. However, when the two of you were paired up for a science project back in your freshman year, you found yourself spending most of your time with him and it didn’t take long for either of you to develop feelings for one another. 

When he confessed his feelings for you and asked you on a date during one of your study sessions, you were hesitant on taking things further with him. Mark was notorious for being a player. Although you weren’t one to get involved in the drama that went around campus, it was hard not to hear all about his dating history and how he slept with almost half of the girls at your university. You didn’t want to allow yourself to get hurt by him, no matter how attractive and charming he was. Nor did you want to have to change anything about yourself to impress him or to be what you considered good enough for him. But you couldn’t help yourself. 

Mark Tuan was a drug, and you’d be lying if you said you weren’t addicted. 

He was both shocked and relieved when you told him you felt the same and he was quick to kiss you before you could finish your confession. In the beginning of your relationship, Mark was nothing short of a gentleman to you. He never failed to remind you how much he loved and adored you on a daily basis and he would constantly tell you that he thought the world of you. Sometimes you felt as if he was only dating you out of pity and you knew he could get anyone he wanted, so you never really understood why he was settling for you. He never forced you to do anything you didn’t want to do, but he also didn’t stop doing things just because the two of you were dating. 

When you and Mark first started dating, he spent every moment of his free time with you. If he wasn’t at practice or in class, he was at your apartment, lazing around with you. Of course, there were days where both of your schedules would collide and you weren’t able to see one another but that didn’t stop him from calling and texting you to see how your day was going and to let you know that he missed you. Everything seemed to be going just fine between the two of you for the last three years. Sure, like most relationships you had your fair share of disagreements; but it was never nothing that you couldn’t handle. 

It wasn’t until just a few months ago that Mark grew distant towards you. He began contacting you less and started to come up with excuses as to why he couldn’t spend time with you. As captain of the football team, you knew he had many responsibilities he had to take care of and he had a lot of people depending on him to make sure your university’s football team made it to state finals. But when you found out that he was still attending parties and going out to bars and clubs with some of his teammates, you couldn’t help the green monster on your back telling you that there was someone else. 

The first time you confronted him, you both got in to one of your biggest arguments together as a couple which led you to stay away from him for a few days. Many mean things were said to one another and he even threatened to end your relationship but he never went through with it. A week after the fight, he came over to your apartment at 2:30 in the morning begging for you to forgive him and that he promised to do better. 

Unfortunately, he was all talk and no action. More and more arguments arose and he even tried to accuse you of cheating on him. You never understood where it all went wrong. When things were good between the two of you, then you could forget all about how cold he could be sometimes and the idea of him fooling around with someone would be pushed to the back of your mind. But when things got bad, they got real bad. Your boyfriend was completely aware of how insecure you could be sometimes and he did whatever he could to instill it in your mind that you were the most beautiful girl he’s ever laid his eyes on and not only were you extremely smart and had one of the kindest personalities, but he loved every single thing about you. 

When he began using your insecurities and self doubts against you, that’s when you knew he was no longer the same man you fell in love with three years ago. You felt crazy for putting yourself through this rollercoaster of a relationship and you knew that you were stupid for allowing this toxicity to continue. 

“Are you sure he’s here Youngjae? We’ve been going in circles for the last twenty minutes and I have yet to see him. Maybe we should go.” The older boy released a frustrated sigh before grabbing two beers out of the makeshift cooler in the kitchen sink and handed one over to you. 

Out of all of your friends, you were the closest with Youngjae. He knew you like the back of his hand. Other than Mark, Youngjae was one of the only people who held any meaning to you. He was very vocal about how much he disliked your boyfriend and how he knew you deserved way better than Mark. However, he also knew of how much a pushover you were and how you always tried to find the good in people. No matter how many times he and your two other friends BamBam and Yugyeom would try to talk you in to breaking up with Mark, you just couldn’t find it in you to go along with it. Sure, there were a couple of rumors now surrounding your boyfriend, but you weren’t going to give up on him until you saw for yourself that the rumors were true. 

“I really don’t want to put any kind of negative images in your head, but there are a couple of rooms in this house and people are known to hook up at parties like these—“ Youngjae stopped talking mid-sentence the minute he saw tears build up at the corner of your eyes. Being the number one person you ran to when things were rough with Mark, Youngjae grew accustomed to seeing you try and conceal the fact that you were on the verge of crying. He hated it. He hated knowing the pain that Mark put you through and he hated knowing that you were willing to do anything and everything for your boyfriend even if it was obvious that he wouldn’t do the same for you. 

“Y/n, please don’t cry. We’ll find him, I’m sure he’s playing beer pong with Jackson or something—“ you shook your head in disagreement before giving him a sad smile. 

“We came here for a reason Youngjae. I wouldn’t have came here if I didn’t think there was a chance he was having an affair. It’s my fault for not having the courage to tell him of my worries—“

“Don’t you dare blame yourself for anything negative that happens in your relationship with that asshole. Do you hear me? Look at you y/n! This relationship is killing you! You shouldn’t even have to feel as if he might be cheating on you. I’m sure he hears the rumors himself and as your boyfriend, he should reassure you that there’s nothing going on. Especially because he knows of your insecurities. I hate him, so much and I hate that you continue to allow him to do this to you. You’re always at his beck and call y/n and look, you changed yourself into the person you said you’d never be. All for someone who couldn’t give less of a shit about you—“

“Will you shut the fuck up? You know nothing of y/n and I’s relationship. What are you even doing here y/n? You hate these parties.” Your boyfriend’s face seemed to soften at the sight of you but soon turned in to a scowl when he noticed Youngjae’s grip on your arm. The two of them never got along. None of your friends approved of your relationship with Mark and Mark hated the idea of you having male friends. You had a huge feeling things weren’t going to end well and you wanted nothing more than to go back home and pretend like none of this happened. The sarcastic laugh that fell from Youngjae’s lips sent chills down your spine. Anyone who knew Youngjae knew of how much of a happy-go-lucky person he was. He was always so nice to everyone and just like you, he believed everyone had some kind of good in them. That applied to everyone but your boyfriend and Youngjae was willing to fight anyone if it meant protecting your happiness. 

“Well when she hears rumors that her oh so dreamy football captain boyfriend is cheating on her, she has to come and see so for herself because our words are never enough for her anymore. She doesn’t believe anything anyone says whenever it comes to your punk ass. How does it feel huh? Taking advantage of such a genuine and golden-hearted human being? She’s been crying over you for the last week because you’ve been such a fucking asshole towards her. So where have you been all this time lover boy? Loving up on someone else? Did you have to come downstairs for a quick break or something? I wouldn’t be surprised; you’ve never had a clean track record. What? Is y/n easy to you? Is that why you continue to break her fucking heart like it’s a toy? It’s because you know that she’d do anything for you isn’t it? You never loved her, you loved her body! The attention she gives you, the fact that you can change her in to anyone you want her to be. I knew you were pathetic, but God, I didn’t know you were the kind of person to do such a thing to someone you mean everything to. Y/n is such a wonderful person and you are the biggest piece of shit to exist. Why don’t you do all of us a favor and give her up already, I’m sure you can’t wait to get her off your hands anyway—“ 

The loud crack sound echoed throughout the room and if people weren’t already looking from the argument going on between your best friend and your boyfriend, then they were sure to be looking now hearing how loud the punch Mark sent against Youngjae’s jaw was. You couldn’t believe what had just happened. No matter how angry Mark could get, he would never resolve to violence and even if he despised Youngjae, he knew to never lay a hand on him. 

“Mark what the fuck—“ before you could even process the entire situation going on in front of you, Youngjae threw himself towards your boyfriend and began punching him repeatedly. You felt as if you were about to throw up. 

“Stop it! Get off of him! Youngjae please, that’s enough! Mark, stop it! Someone please help!” A few more punches were thrown, more so from Mark but you didn’t care who did what, you just wanted them off of each other or you were sure police were going to get involved. Once Mark’s friend Jackson came and pulled him off of Youngjae, you let out a sigh of relief and absentmindedly reached for his hand and attempted to lead him out of the house. However, the grip on your waist ultimately prevented you from taking any step further. 

“Baby—please. Let me explain—you know it’s not true—y/n please—“ you found yourself cringing at the freshly forming bruise on his jaw but you couldn’t feel an ounce of remorse for him. If anything, it was Youngjae that you felt bad for. He came specifically as moral support but ended up with a black eye; all because of you. You yanked his arm from off of your hip and continued to make your way out of the house. His pained expression was now burned in to your mind and you wanted nothing more than to turn around and pull him in to your embrace; but he wasn’t the victim in this situation. You knew you’d have to deal with him sooner or later, but all you wanted to do was go home and take care of Youngjae. 

As soon as you got in to your car and made sure Youngjae was buckled up, you drove straight to your apartment with the intent of cleaning him up and putting ice on his eye. The car ride was quiet for the most part; neither of you knew what to say and your thoughts were filled with the events that just happened to really hold a conversation with the boy next to you. However, you felt like you had to apologize for the trouble you caused Youngjae and thanked him profusely for defending you and doing whatever he could to protect you. 

“Youngjae, I’m so sorry—“ he reached over the gear shift and gently squeezed your thigh to reassure you he was fine. 

“Don’t apologize, I’m the one who egged him on. If anything, I should apologize to you. I didn’t mean to start such a scene and practically embarrass you. I don’t regret punching him though, he deserved worse. I’d take a thousand punches for you, you know that.” You gave him a sad smile before returning your attention back to the road. As soon as you pulled up to your parking structure and made your way up in to your apartment, you had Youngjae sit on the couch while you got him an ice pack and your first aid kit from the bathroom. 

“So what are you going to do?” You handed him the ice pack before cleaning out his cut with alcohol. Hearing him hiss at how painful it was made you feel bad. He wouldn’t have been put in this situation if you just confronted Mark on your own. 

“I don’t know honestly. I’m gonna need some time away from him, that’s for sure.” The laugh of disbelief that fell from his lips didn’t shock you. You knew you’d hear Mark out sooner or later and it didn’t take a genius to know that Youngjae wasn’t going to agree with your decision. 

“Y/n, tonight should’ve been your wake up call. You should pick up your phone and break up with him right now! Are you kidding me? You had no clue that he was going to that party and we don’t know exactly where he was the entire time. You’re insane you know that? Completely psycho. Who in their right mind would allow this kind of treatment to continue? Please y/n, let him go. I hate seeing what this relationship is doing to you! It’s tearing you apart. I can’t witness this go on any longer.”

“But Youngjae—I love him.”

There was nothing else he could say or do to get you to change your mind. Those three words got him to shut up completely. He knew you loved Mark; you wouldn’t continue to stay in a relationship with him if you didn’t. However, he didn’t know if he could say the same thing for your boyfriend. If he really loved you, he wouldn’t be treating you the way he’s been for the last month. The distance between the two of you would bother him and the thought of you hurting alone should’ve awoken something inside of him. There was nobody in this world that would take care of Mark and treat him the way that you did. Your best friend didn’t want you to continue to give Mark the world on a silver platter when he couldn’t even give you a second of his time. 

“Fuck, I really wish you didn’t. Damnit y/n, when will you wake up and realize that asshole isn’t good enough for you? How long are you going to keep up this unhealthy relationship? You’re going to end up in the hospital sooner or later at the rate you’re going.” You shrugged indifferently. 

“Youngjae, I know you want nothing but the best for me and I’m very appreciative for how much you love and care for me. But I think that’s enough for tonight. I just really want to go to sleep.” He released a frustrated sigh before standing up and pulling you in to his embrace. You couldn’t help but tear up at the way he was holding you. Youngjae was the older brother you never had but always wanted. He always took such great care of you and did whatever he could to make you happy. You never argued with Youngjae once in your ten years of friendship until you started dating Mark. Although you knew he was right most of the time, you hated hearing him degrade your boyfriend and talk so negatively about him when he barely knew him. But then again, did you even really know Mark? Or was the person you thought you knew all a facade? 

“You’re right, lets get you to bed.” The next morning, Youngjae was no where to be found, but the note that was left on your kitchen counter answered a few of your questions for you. You understood that he had every right to be upset with you, knowing that you were going to allow Mark to explain himself even if he didn’t deserve you. Deep down, he was aware that you were going to take him back even if you were to find out that he’s been cheating. Youngjae was sure that Mark could kill somebody right in front of you and you’d still stick by his side no matter what. Your boyfriend could do no wrong in your eyes. 

When you read that Youngjae needed some time to accept your decision, you teared up at the idea of Youngjae staying away from you. You felt stuck between a rock and a hard place. By choosing Mark, you were pushing away Youngjae and if you thought with your mind; you’d give up on Mark completely if it meant having peace with your best friend. Why was your heart stronger than your mind? Why did you find pleasure in pain? 

Mark did whatever he could to try and get in touch with you. You checked your phone every single day for the last week and your inbox only grew more as the days went by. You had at least 100 text messages, 56 missed calls and 25 voicemails. You didn’t dare to read or listen to any message. You weren’t mentally prepared to talk to him and find out why he’s been acting the way he has been for a while. You were tired and the longer you stayed away from him, the more you were getting used to his absence. When you returned back to work exactly a week after the fiasco that went down at the party, you weren’t mentally prepared to socialize with people and you wished you asked your boss to give you a couple more days off so that you could gain back a little bit more of your sanity. 

Although working in a coffee shop was an ideal job for most college students, you didn’t feel like dealing with customers at all today. The day seemed to go by so slowly and your face was hurting with how many fake smiles you forced yourself to put on. You were fifteen minutes away from the end of your shift and you couldn’t have been more excited. You wanted nothing more than to go home and continue to wallow in self pity. Since it was slow, your boss had you go and wipe down the tables before you were finished and it was like a breath of fresh air for you. 

As you were wiping down the last table, the door opened and you greeted the person without seeing who it was. You smelled him before you saw him. The Versace cologne that you bought him for his birthday last year was strong and overpowered the pungent scent of coffee. You gave yourself a few seconds to prepare your heart from seeing him again. You knew you’d have to face him one of these days, but you didn’t think you’d see him so soon. When you finally turned around, you felt your heart sink at the sight of him. Although it’s only been a week, his appearance changed completely. 

The bruise on his jaw was still faintly there, both his eyes and his cheeks were swollen and puffy, his lips were chapped, his skin was paler than usual and his posture was so weak and frail. Was your absence affecting him that much? You didn’t think you meant all that much to him but seeing him so fragile made your stomach drop. Your eyes landed on the bouquet of flowers he was so desperately trying to hide behind his back and you couldn’t stop the small smile that began prying at your lips when he handed them to you. 

“Hey.” You thanked him politely while taking the mixture of roses and sunflowers. 

“Hi.” The two of you stood there awkwardly and he began to lean back and forth earning himself a little giggle. 

“Can we talk?” You took in a deep breath before nodding in agreement. Although you weren’t exactly ready to head him explain himself, you were dying to know why he’s been acting so suspicious and you wanted him to shut down the rumors. 

“I finish in ten if you don’t mind waiting.” He was quick to agree and took a seat at one of the tables as you returned back to work. You decided to watch him from afar as you finished up the rest of your responsibilities and quietly laughed to yourself as he began to fiddle with his fingers. You’ve been with Mark long enough to know what each of his mannerisms meant. Whenever he would play with his fingers, you knew it was because he was nervous and needed a distraction from his thoughts. Once you were finished, you clocked out and grabbed your things before making your way to him. 

Out of the corner of your eye, you saw Mark hesitantly reaching out for your bag; something he normally did whenever he came to pick you up from work. You found it cute how he seemed so worried but he had every reason to be. He didn’t know what you were thinking and he was afraid that you finally came to the realization that you no longer wanted to be with him. 

Mark was selfish. He knew he was being such an asshole to you and deep down he was aware that you could do so much better than him; but he couldn’t let you go. He was stubborn and loved you with every fiber of his being. Your boyfriend was going to do and say everything he could to get you to forgive him and to prove to you that he was worthy of your love. You allowed him to grab your things and walked right behind him to his car. He helped you open your door and you thanked him quietly before getting settled inside. 

“Um—my place or yours?” You thought about it for a few seconds before speaking up. 

“Mine. Just in case things go south, I can just kick you out.” He had to stifle back a laugh but returned back to his sullen expression and drove. Mark plugged in his phone and put on the playlist he made especially for you of songs that reminded him of you. You playfully rolled your eyes at the idea of him trying to lift your spirits and stared out of the window as Billie Eilish began to sound off through the speakers. You could tell there was a lot on his mind and that there were quite a lot of things he wanted to say, but he was afraid of saying the wrong thing and scaring you away before he could apologize completely. 

You surprised both yourself and your boyfriend when your hand reached out for the one he wasn’t using to drive and intertwined your fingers together. A smile made it’s way on your face when you saw his breath hitch at your touch and you brought his hand up to your lips and placed a gentle kiss there. 

“Mark.” He hummed in curiosity before grazing his thumb against your wrist. 

“Yes baby?”

“We’re going to be okay.” He squeezed your hand all but gently before agreeing. 

“Hell yeah we will. You and I are endgame y/n. Don’t ever forget it.” 

When he parked in his usual parking stall and got out of the car to help you out of your seat, he took no time and pulling you in his embrace and connected your lips together in a very passionate and long awaited kiss. His lips were rough but still fit perfectly with yours. Your hands made their way around his neck while his gripped at your ass all but gently as he swiped his tongue along your bottom lip, nonverbally asking for entrance. Before things could get too hot and heavy, you pulled away and placed your head against his chest. 

“I’m sorry for staying away for so long.” He shook his head in disagreement although if he had it his way, the two of you would’ve made up the morning after the incident. 

“You needed your space, I understand. Let’s head upstairs.” He intertwined your hands together and had you lead him towards your apartment. As soon as the two of you made your way inside, you looked for a place to put your flowers while he took a seat on your couch. Once you put your bouquet in a vase, you found your place next to him on the couch and allowed him to speak when he felt like he was ready. He scratched the back of his neck in embarrassment and leaned back in to your couch as he brought his face in between his hands. 

“I just want to start off by saying I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry y/n. I’ve been a dick—an asshole—a really shitty boyfriend these last few months and there’s no excuse for my behavior. The last thing I ever wanted to do was hurt you. You know that right? I need you to know that. I know I’ve been acting the complete opposite lately and you don’t deserve that. You’ve been nothing less 99than perfect to me and I could never thank you enough for all that you’ve done for me. I can’t tell you why I’ve been acting so weird towards you because I don’t even know myself and I know it doesn’t make sense—but I promise you—I never cheated on you. Okay? I could never live with myself if I were to do such a thing. I was pissed when Youngjae brought up that you guys were at the party to catch me cheating, but I can’t blame you. Even the last couple of accusations; I’ll admit I was hurt that you’d think I would ever do that to you. But I haven’t been showing you or telling you otherwise.” He took a moment to breathe before continuing. 

“This last week without you has been one of the toughest weeks of my entire life and I’m a football player. That says a lot. I’m practically tormented in the sun, running for up to five hours with very little breaks and only a few sips of water here and there but it’s a pain I can endure. I couldn’t stop thinking about the look on your face that night and it haunted me every single day. I couldn’t stop thinking about you. I had a huge feeling you were probably crying this entire week and I never hated myself more for being the reason. I hate being away from you. You’re my only source of happiness y/n. You’re the only person who means anything to me. It may not seem that way, but trust me when I say I love you with everything that I have. Youngjae’s words—fuck. He’s right. I didn’t meant to sock him in the face—okay well maybe I did, but it was because I was irritated with the fact that he was right. I don’t deserve you. You—you’re the best thing to ever happen to me and I took you for granted. The thought of losing you—I can’t even bear it. I know my sorries probably mean jack shit to you, but please know that I’m being sincere. I’ve never felt this way about anyone before. I love you more than anyone or anything on this hell forsaken earth. I’ll try to do better. Fuck that—I will do better. I refuse to lose you y/n. I can’t be without you. You’re my lifeline baby. I want you for as long as I can have you for.” 

Seeing tears build up in his eyes made your heart melt. Mark always tried to keep up his tough exterior, but you knew your boyfriend was a huge softie. You were one of the only people who got to see the real side of him and you were extremely grateful that he trusted in you to show you the sensitive side of him. 

“People think our relationship is toxic Mark. They think I’m crazy to continue staying in this relationship with you—“ the growl that came from the back of his mouth should’ve scared you, but you were used to his anger. Especially whenever people tried to get involved in your relationship. It was one of the main reasons why he never cared for any of your friends. 

“I don’t give a fuck about what anyone has to say or thinks about our relationship. It’s our relationship. Not theirs. The only people who’s opinions matter is you and I. What do you think y/n?  What do you want? Do you want an out of this relationship? Do you agree with what everyone has to say? I hate the idea of letting you go, but I can’t force you to stay if you don’t want to. So tell me y/n, what do you want? I’ll do whatever you want me to baby. The ball is in your court now.” 

You turned yourself to face him and cupped his cheeks with your hands. No matter how much you knew you deserved better, and deep down you knew even if he’d promise to change there was a huge chance things would continue to be up and down between you and Mark, you would rather fight and argue with him than to be happy with anyone else. You didn’t care how twisted your relationship was, this man was the only one you wanted to spend the rest of your days with. 

“It’ll take some time for me to trust you again, but I want you Mark. I’ll probably always choose you and our relationship. I don’t care what anybody says. I’m in love with you. I’m a fucking fool for loving you. Honestly, the love I have for you will probably kill me one day. Please don’t take advantage of my love for you. I can only give you so much of myself before I lose myself completely. I’m risking it all for you. My pride, my love, my happiness, my friendships, my health; please make it worth my while.” 

Seeing his award winning smile before feeling his lips smash against yours caused butterflies to erupt in your tummy. “I love you y/n. Our relationship is sad but beautiful and that’s what makes it worth fighting for. I love you and you love me. That’s all we need. We’ll be okay.”

We're in a beautiful and sad relationship We make each other shine (Tell me now) Like the moon and the river And we hug again You got me feeling like a psycho, psycho People keep telling us As we fight like it's our last But then we get along They don't get it It's so funny Right psycho, psycho (Like a psycho, psycho) We're fools loving each other so much (Fools, fools) Without you I feel dizzy and sad I feel low People say we make a cute couple Hey now we'll be okay Don't look back Like that let's be who we are I feel you with all my body Everything will be okay You got me feeling like a psycho, psycho People keep telling us As we fight like it's our last But then we get along People say we make a cute couple Hey now we'll be okay

[bnhaficsforthesoul]

yoo, okay this is a bit of an angsty request but i NEED this !! essentially, the reader loves midoriya (or anyone of your choosing, really) yet its unrequited ^^ maybe a popular ship or smth is real in ur writing, like tododeku and reader is all "oh heckles, midoriya doesn't love me" and just,, sad stuff ?? maybe even a hanahaki disease au if you'd like!!! i want it as a n g s t y as possible with no happy ending jksdhgjdsghjdsjgk thank you sm ily

Of course I had to take the chance to write a hanahaki au - idk if this is angsty enough - im bad at angst lol, but here ya go anon

No - this couldn’t be happening. You didn’t love him, you couldn’t. But - the bloody flower petal in your hand spoke otherwise. You felt the world spiraling around you, yet you were frozen. 

Midoriya Izuku - your best friend who had stolen your heart and given his to another. Of course, there was no chance of Izuku returning your love, he was dating Shouto. You remember the excitement in his eyes when he first told you they were together - and the excitement you had reciprocated for your friend. If only you knew the suffering you would later go through because of him.

Of course, there is no knowing whether Izuku would have loved you if he wasn’t with Shouto - but it seemed the possibility was nonexistent at this point. So, you had 3 choices. You could muster up the money for surgery and lose all your feelings for Izuku, get lucky and make yourself fall out of love with him, or die. And right now, you desperately hoped you were lucky.

Quickly grabbing your phone off of its nightstand, you opened your messages, sighing softly at Izuku’s contact near the top of your messages, and found Momo. She’s vice class rep - so she’s probably the best person to ask to get your homework without getting scolded, and you texted her “I don’t think I’ll be able to make it to school tomorrow Momo, I’m feeling pretty sick. Could you tell me the homework so I don’t fall behind?”

It was late, so you didn’t expect a reply. But you didn’t need one - you weren’t going to school. If you weren’t around Izuku, maybe you would forget about your feelings for him and be cured. You were hoping, anyways.

You woke up the next day late in the afternoon - it’s not often you get to stay home from school -  to a text from Momo, saying “Oh no! I hope you feel better, I’ll send you the notes and homework after school. Get some rest!” You smiled at her kindness and laid back on your bed. But then, you noticed the other messages in your notifications. A few on the groupchat, with little “get betters” - which you were expecting. This class treats itself like a family, people are gonna worry if you’re sick. There were also more personal messages from Eijirou, Tenya, and - Shouto and Izuku. 

Shouto had also become a close friend of yours in the time you’ve known him, the two of you always being around Izuku allowed you to develop a bond yourself. So it was no surprise that he texted you, but all you felt was anger towards his “How are you feeling? Do you want me to bring you some soba? I’ll even warm it up for you.” There was a small twinge of guilt in your stomach, he obviously didn’t deserve your anger, but you couldn’t even spare him a response.

Then Izuku - how were you supposed to forget about your feelings when he was constantly so perfect? You found yourself smiling at his message, a “Good morning y/n! I hope you’re feeling better today! I’ll come by and check on you after I finish my homework :)” Sitting up, you went to respond - but you were interrupted by a sharp pain in your throat before you began coughing, and you covered your mouth with your hands only to feel the light touch of petals fall into them.

There were more than last night.

Tears welled up in your eyes as you stared at your hands once again. It hadn’t even been a full day, but already the flowers were growing rapidly. With shaky hands, you shook off the petals and returned your phone, quickly messaging “Don’t worry about me, I’m fine. You don’t need to come by either, I don’t want you getting sick and I’ll probably be sleeping.” 

The seriousness of your situation finally set in - last night you hadn’t seemed to fully grasp that if you didn’t do something to stop this, you would literally die. A few choked sobs escaped your lips, and you winced in pain. 

You roughly fell back down onto the bed - frantically wondering what to do. Would Recovery Girl be able to cure you? Would the disease go away if you just forgot about Izuku? You grabbed your phone and started searching for answers. Articles upon articles on the disease, talking about what the misfortunate people who contract it can do to save themselves. 

What you found was disappointing - there are no accounts of people being able to overcome the disease on their own, and always had to resort to surgery or death. You didn’t have the money for surgery, and you didn’t want to bring your friends into this and ask for help - but you didn’t want to die.

“What am I gonna do…” You threw your phone onto the bed and put your hands over your face, holding back your tears. As much as you simply wanted to avoid Izuku until you didn’t love him anymore, it was impossible. Sweet Izuku, who deems it his responsibility to be the most caring person on earth, would be devastated if you were to suddenly cut off ties with him. Besides, how could you when you were forced to see him everyday at school regardless. There was only so long you could feign being sick - you doubted the school wouldn’t do anything to help you. 

The rest of the week was spent in the comfort of your own room - you had managed to convince your friends that you were too sick for school, and for anyone to visit. Researching options had been your top priority, mainly what the surgery entails, but everything you found made you less and less optimistic. 

The surgery costs thousands of dollars, money that no average high school student would have - meaning unless you were to ask for help there would be no way to get the surgery in the first place. And even if you could, there were no certain results. With how rare Hanahaki is, there aren’t enough accounts of successful operations to rely on. Well - they all worked, those who got the surgery were alive. But some had results more drastic than others.

From the result you were hoping for - being you would simply lose feelings for Izuku and live on - to people who had completely forgotten about the person they loved all together. As much as you didn’t want to die, how would you live on without remembering Izuku? Your best friend. He’s been there for you through so much, the thought of living on without him was terrifying.

Yet, everyday you were reminded with the inevitable coming of your death. The itching in your lungs grew everyday, as did the amount of petals you were coughing out. It wouldn’t be long until your lungs were full of flowers - and you suffocated. 

----

“Y/n! Are you feeling better?” Eijirou smiled brightly at you as you walked into the classroom, and you returned a soft smile before sitting in your desk. “I guess.” All you could do was be optimistic, at least in front of your friends. After a week of practically being MIA, you decided you wouldn’t worry them anymore. Besides, if you waited any longer, you’d probably wake up to Katsuki blowing down your door with 15 people behind him. 

Everything was as normal, you talked with Denki and Mina as you waited for class to start, Katsu gave you a “look who finally decided to show up,” - which you knew meant he was glad you were okay - and you even managed to be happy when Izuku ran in and gave you a hug. Your smile strained when Shouto said hi to you however, both because you felt bad for having ignored his texts all week, and because you just didn’t want to be around him. At least not yet. 

Aizawa soon walked into class, and everyone hurried to their seats so that class could start. It wasn’t anything special today - just some more basic hero instruction, and you were happy that you could take it easy as to hopefully not trigger your coughing. You’d be able to tell him about it after class - maybe he could find a way to let you stay out of school until you figured this out.

Still - class was especially long today. Having not been present for a few days seemingly made the period feel much longer than it truly was. And just as luck would have it, an itch began to grow in the back of your throat, and you panicked. You didn’t want anyone else knowing - you didn’t want that kind of attention on you. To be the poor soul of 1A who might die 

You raised your hand, wanting to use the restroom as an excuse to get out of there.

“Yes, y/l/n?”

“Can I-”

Speaking apparently only made it worse, and before you could even finish your sentence you hunched over - beginning to cough up a multitude of flower petals. However, this time was a lot worse than the previous ones, your coughing not letting up until you were choking on petals - likely due to your forcing yourself not to cough for so long. Petals were overflowing from your hands as you attempted to cover your mouth, falling onto your desk and down to the ground. 

Everyone’s attention had already been on you, and with the surprised expression on Aizawa’s face as he ran over to you - they all saw the dark red blood dripping out of your hands and the soft pink petals blanketing your desk. Your attempt at hiding your sickness had only pushed it forward, and now there was nothing you could do. 

Aizawa rubbed your back until you calmed down, and you looked up from your hands to the horrified looks on your friends’ faces. Your face was covered in blood and tears - you looked a mess. 

“Let’s get you to Recovery Girl, okay? Can you stand?”

You nodded, but Aizawa still made sure to hold onto your arm just in case. The room was silent as he led you out, all eyes stuck on you. As you looked back - you were met with the wide eyes of Izuku, and you quickly looked away.

Aizawa had left right after dropping you off at Recovery Girl’s, ruffling your hair a bit and giving you a soft smile in an attempt to cheer you up. 

“Hanahaki disease… I don’t think I’ve ever seen this personally. I can’t promise I’ll be able to help you, but we can try.”

You sat on one of the beds as she walked around the room, grabbing a washcloth and wetting it before bringing it over to you. 

“You probably want to wash all the blood off.”

As you slowly rubbed the washcloth over your mouth, Recovery Girl grabbed your hand and kissed it. Normally, you’d immediately feel better. But other than the scratchy feeling in your throat - nothing changed. You could still feel the slowly growing flowers filling your lungs, they hadn’t gone away.

“How do you feel?”

“The flowers are still there… I can feel them.”

Recovery Girl sighed, “What about your throat? I’m sure all that coughing must have hurt - does your throat feel better?”

Nodding slowly, you felt tears forming in your eyes. So she couldn’t heal you.

“I’m sorry sweetie, I’ve tried all I can. All I can do is heal the physical damage - but no matter what I do, the flowers will keep growing. And if they keep increasing their growth at this rate, soon that won’t even be enough.” 

With all the luck you’ve been having lately, it wasn’t surprising that this was the outcome. But that didn’t mean you weren’t disappointed. Before you could let your emotions overcome you and start crying in front of her, you jumped off the bed and began making your way out. 

“Oh - I understand… thanks anyways.”

With a forced smile to Recovery Girl - who’s worried expression only served to make you feel worse -  you trudged out of her office and into the long hallway. 

“Y/n! Wait up! What happened?”

Izuku chased you down the hall as you left Recovery Girl’s office, a hopeful smile on his face. Apparently he had made his way down there as soon as class ended, wanting to make sure that you were okay. That smile disappeared as he saw your face, contorted in distress as a few tears escaped your eyes. “She wasn’t able to help you, was she?”

He took your silence as a no, but still tried to be optimistic, “Well, there has to be something we can do!”

With all the pain you were in, you’d think that your main worry would be yourself. But no - that hopeless look on Izuku’s face was where your worry had settled. He obviously felt that it was his duty to help you, even if there was nothing he could do.

“There’s surgery, and there’s dying.”

Izuku’s eyes glossed over and he grabbed your wrist, pulling you close.

“You gotta get the surgery y/n! Please - I don’t want you to die.”

If only he knew what he was asking of you. Would he tell you to get the surgery even if he knew he was the one you loved? Would he let you risk forgetting about him - and all the memories you had formed together?

“I don’t have that kind of money, Izuku. And I’m not going to bother anyone with my problem.”

His frown deepened, and his eyes shot around the floor as if he was looking for an answer, “But - I’m sure everyone would help out-”

“No - Izuku. I’ll figure it out. Don’t worry about it, please. It’s not your problem, it’s mine. Let me figure this out on my own.”

With your words, his grip on your wrist loosened in shock, and you used that as an opportunity to pull your hand away. 

“I’ll be fine Izuku, what ever happens, just let me figure it out.”

You left him standing there, worried and hurt as you ran back to your dorm room - just wanting to be alone to process the events of today.

----

A constant knocking at your door drew you awake. As soon as you arrived in your dorm, you found yourself especially drained of energy, and quickly fell asleep. You desperately wanted to just ignore the thumping, but whoever it was wasn’t going to let up, so you sighed and slowly sat up and made your way to the door.

“Shouto? What’s up?”

When you opened the door, you were surprised to see Shouto standing there. He asked if he could come in, and you reluctantly agreed. As soon as you closed the door, he started talking.

“Izuku told me about what happened. Are you really planning on doing this yourself?”

It was hard to read his expression. On one hand he looked worried, but the sharp look in his eyes proved his frustration.

“You’re really going to let yourself die - just so you don’t get anyone else involved?”

His sharp gaze made you feel almost ashamed, as if your decision was completely idiotic - although you supposed it was. But you couldn’t bring yourself to reply, you’ve already caused enough trouble as it is, you don’t want to make others fix your problem.

Shouto sighed and placed his hand on your shoulder, “I’m paying for your surgery. We’ll schedule it for this weekend, can you hold out for that long?”

Your eyes shot to his, the sharp look continuing to tell you he was serious. Even so, you gave him a light glare, crossing your arms as you replied, “What? No - you’re not! You heard it from Izuku, I’m not asking for anyone’s help.”

“Then you’ll die.”

That made you pause. It wasn’t like Shouto to be so blunt, at least not anymore, but he really was serious. 

“I - … I don’t know… I don’t know what I’ll do.”

“Y/n, let me do this. I know you don’t want my help, but I don’t want you to die. No one wants you to die, and you don’t want to die.”

He wasn’t going to take no for an answer, so with a heavy sigh you nodded, “Fine… but - I’ll owe you something. Anything.”

Shouto chuckled lightly at that, and nodded, finally taking his hand off your shoulder as he spoke “Deal. Actually, I know what I want. Hanahaki happens when you love someone that doesn’t love you, right? So - who do you love? I’m just curious.”

Fuck. Of course he would ask that. You forced a smile, “Ah - I don’t wanna talk about that… Isn’t there something else you could ask, or that I could do for you? There’s gotta be something.”

“I don’t have anything else in mind, this is all I wanna know right now. Are you embarrassed by who it is? Or is it me?”

He laughed when he mentioned himself, but he was still looking at you expectantly. If Shouto was anything, apparently it was persistent.

“If I tell you, you have to promise not to get upset.”

“I promise.”

With a deep breath, you looked at the ground and muttered, “Izuku.”

Shouto’s face fell from a soft smile to a painfully neutral expression. The room was silent, except for your slight coughing - all the talking had edged you closer to another coughing fit, and you wanted him out before it happened.

“I’ll call the doctor tomorrow.” Shouto walked to the door and opened it, but paused before he could walk out, “And don’t worry about it y/n. It’s not your fault, I’m not mad.” At that, he fully left, closing the door behind him and leaving you alone once again. At least he understood.

----

The school had allowed you to take the rest of the week off under the suggestion of Aizawa and Recovery Girl, not wanting a repeat of last time. This time, however, you weren’t allowed to stay holed up in your room, as the class forced you out after school to spend time with them. It was times like this that you really appreciated your friends - they would help comfort you when you started coughing up more flowers, and made it their mission to cheer you up. 

The weekend came soon, and Saturday morning you were met once again with Shouto knocking at your door. 

“Ready?”

Bouncing on your heels, you tried to relax your panicky brain. You’d be fine. The operation would go by smoothly, and you’ll be fine. Nothing to worry about.

“Yup! Let’s go.”

The trip there was fairly quiet, you were too busy thinking about the possible outcomes of the operation - and of Izuku. It would hurt to lose these feelings for him, as much as you hated them. To suddenly not love someone anymore sounded terrible. But, you’d still be friends - and that was all that mattered. 

It didn’t take too long to arrive at the hospital, only about a 30 minute train ride, and soon you were waiting in the doctor’s office to go back. It seemed it was a good day to get the surgery done too, as your breathing had gotten worse and worse by the day. You were nowhere near suffocating quite yet, but another week and you just might be.

“Y/l/n-san, you can come back now.”

You followed the nurse into the back room, Shouto following close behind you.

“So, you got Hanahaki disease, huh? That’s real unlucky, but at least there’s surgery. Now, you do understand that other than the removal of the flowers, we can’t be certain of the actual effect the surgery will have on you mentally.”

“I know, I’ve done a lot of research. Whatever happens, I’m ready.”

The nurse nodded, and smiled at you, “Alright - then just sit down right there and relax. I’ll be back in a minute, and we can get started.”

She left to grab the doctors, and you waited for them to return.

“Are you scared?”

“Just of the uncertainty. I know it’ll work, but I’ve read a bunch of articles on how the whole emotional process can go wrong.”

Shouto sat next to you on the bed, “Don’t worry, I’m sure it’ll go fine.”

It wasn’t too long until the doctors came back into the room, dressed and ready for surgery. Shouto was forced to leave the room, and he promised to be right there when you woke up. Once he was gone, the doctors finished their final preparations and the lead surgeon came to prepare you.

“I’m going to put you under now. Are you ready?”

You nodded shakily - both excited and scared to see what would come. 

“Alright, just relax. It’ll be over before you know it.”

He put the mask on your face, and your eyes fluttered shut into a deep sleep.

----

The doctor called Shouto in as soon as you woke up, wanting you to have a familiar face to help adjust while the anaesthesia worked its way out of your system.

“Everything seems to have gone great, the flowers are gone and they’ll live.”

Shouto thanked the doctor, and went into the room. You were still a bit dopey from the anesthesia however, so he let you be, wanting you to rest, and went to call Izuku.

“Shouto! How’d the surgery go? Is y/n okay?”

Shouto couldn’t help but chuckle at Izuku’s enthusiasm. Other than you, Izuku had been the most worried about the surgery - he wouldn’t be able to handle it if something went wrong and he lost you. 

“Yes, they’re okay. They’re still waking up, but once the doctor says it’s okay for visitors to come I’ll text you.”

“Ah! I’m so glad! Okay, I’ll bring everyone with me!”

It was a while later when you fully woke up, finally aware of what was going on as you looked around the white room. 

“Shouto? What time is it? Did the surgery go alright?”

“Around noon, and yes - you’re perfectly fine. Are you hungry? I can go grab you some food.”

You nodded, having not eaten all day, “Yes please. Oh, and could you grab me my phone? Momo said to call her after the surgery.”

Shouto went to grab your bag and began searching through it for your phone, but decided you’d want to know that your friends would be coming soon as well. 

“I’m sure she’ll be coming over soon, Izuku said he’s gonna bring everyone to come visit in a bit”

He expected for you to be happy at the news, but instead your face contorted in confusion, and to Shouto’s horror - you asked, “Who’s Izuku?”

---

As everyone from 1A flooded into the room, you broke out into a bright smile. They all circled around the bed, spouting random comments about how happy they were that you were okay and that the surgery was a success. You excitedly listened to all of them, happy to hear that your friends cared about you so much.

“Y/n! I’m so glad you’re okay! I was so worried!”

Izuku, finally being able to push his way through everyone and up to you, had latched himself onto you, throwing his arms around your shoulders and pulling you into a tight hug. However, you began pushing him off of you, not wanting some stranger to be touching you so closely.

“Uh, I’m sorry, but who are you?”

Izuku’s eyes widened as you said this - and everyone else in the room turned quiet. Your confused expression as you eyed him carefully further emphasized your seriousness. Why didn’t you remember him?

“I’m… I’m Izuku. Don’t you remember me?”

You gave him an overly kind smile, and Izuku had a glimpse of hope as you seemed to have a revelation, but instead, “Oh! You’re the person Shouto was talking to earlier! Nice to meet you!” 

You seemed to recognize everyone else in the room, as you happily turned to Denki who started telling you about something that happened at school to ease the tension. 

Confused, Izuku shakily grabbed his boyfriend’s hand - who’s pained expression worried him more - and pulled him to the corner of the room.

“Shouto… what happened? I thought you said the surgery worked.”

He was quiet for a moment, trying to decide how to word the news in a way that Izuku would understand, “Well… It did. Y/n’s cured. But - Hanahaki is such a rare occurrence, doctors don’t know all the technicalities of it yet. They can’t assure results, and sometimes, the patient ends up forgetting about the person they loved all together rather than just losing their feelings.”

Suddenly, Izuku went numb. That would have to mean - that meant you loved him. 

You loved him. 

It was his fault you went through all that pain. 

Flashes of you coughing up blood and petals in class flooded his brain - and the pain on your face as you looked at him - he caused that. And now, he couldn’t even apologize. You had no idea who he was.

“I’m sorry Izuku.”

He barely noticed as Shouto pulled him into his chest, and he cried softly. As he looked over Shouto’s shoulder, he saw you laughing happily with the others - a sight that should make him smile. 

But all he felt was pain - even though you were right there, he had lost you.

[kthstrawberryshortcake]

That Should Be Me - kth drabble

Pairing: Taehyung x Female!Reader, Jin x Female!Reader

Word Count: 3.5k+ Genre: Mostly angst, some fluff Topics: College!AU, Unrequited love Warning: Kinda sad but not TOO sad

No one ever sets out to end up in these sorts of situations, but lo and behold, they do. Are they unbelievably unlucky? Did they commit some unforgivable sin in a past life? Are they just lackluster people? Whatever the explanation, you too found yourself head over heels in love with someone who didn’t love you back. You had been friends since the start of freshman year when a friendly, cheerful boy in one of your classes introduced himself. Ever since then Taehyung had been a huge part of your life. He could make you smile even on what felt like the worst days, and he was one of the most caring people you had ever met. You didn’t realize you were falling until it was much, much too late. No one knew except for your two other closest friends, Jimin and Sara. 

The three of you had been roommates since sophomore year when you decided to live together, despite others’ comments that a guy living with two girls was a bit of a weird situation. It had never felt weird. No, living with them had felt like home right away. You picked each other up when you were down, understood each other better than anyone else, and spent most of your time together, often with some of your other friends as well. Now, in the fall of your senior year, you were much busier than before, but you still made sure to spend time together. Your roommates knew how strongly you felt towards Taehyung and carefully guarded your secret, though Jimin occasionally tried to push you to do something about it. You knew you wouldn’t, though. You were very quiet and shy, as well as a homebody, and confessing was so far outside your comfort zone it was almost comical. So you did nothing, just holding in your feelings, praying they would go away eventually.

Sitting in the floor of Taehyung's dorm room, studying for a class you had in common, it certainly didn’t feel as if you were going to fall out of love any time soon. Sure, it was hard to hang out with him like this when you felt how you did, but you’d rather keep him as a friend than lose him altogether, so you dealt with it. After hours of studying (with several spurts of getting distracted by each other’s silliness and falling into laughing fits), you went to take a break. “Be right back, I’m going to use your bathroom, okay?” You said as you stood, giving him a small smile. He nodded absentmindedly, looking over some of his notes. 

After you’d gone, however, your phone buzzed with new text messages. You’d left it sitting there, he realized, and against his better judgment, he peeked at the screen. It was a text from Sara. “I’m so sorry you have to deal with this. This whole unrequited love BS isn’t for the faint of heart, is it?”, it read, followed by another immediately after. “Btw Jimin’s out right now, you and I can have a movie night when you’re done studying.” Taehyung blinked, carefully sitting the phone back in its place as he processed what he’d read.  You were in love with someone who didn’t feel the same, and Jimin was out? Was it on a date? Wait, you were in love with Jimin! That must be it. He jumped headfirst into the conclusion. He felt bad knowing that his friend was hurting and he hadn’t even noticed. He should really try to be there for you, he thought to himself. 

You returned to the room after that and he gave you a huge grin, which you found a little random. You gave him a questioning look as you sat back down. “You know you’re one of my favorite people, right? I’m just really happy you’re in my life, you’re pretty awesome, you know that?” He said sincerely, and you felt that right in your heart, honestly shocked by his unusual candor. “Thanks, Tae. I’m happy you’re in my life, too.” You replied quietly, smiling despite your confusion, shaking your head before returning to the textbook in front of you. Just for that moment you thought he might not be as far out of reach as you’d always believed.

A couple of weeks later you found yourself totally out of your element at a party your friends had dragged you to. You weren’t much of a party person, in fact you usually avoided them. But you knew Taehyung would be there, plus Sara and Jimin had pestered you into coming with them. You were feeling pretty optimistic as the night began. You looked really nice, if you did say so yourself, and were just the slightest bit hopeful that your feelings weren’t as one sided as you’d believed for so long. You navigated your way through the noisy, crowded house along with Jimin and Sara, who, after all this time, were a newly minted couple, complete with heart eyes for each other and holding hands. You were thrilled, honestly. It had been a long time coming and you were glad they were finally together. 

You scanned the room, hoping to see Taehyung, but as soon as you did, you wished you hadn’t. He was across the room looking as gorgeous as ever, but clinging to his arm was a girl who honestly looked like she could be a model. She was stunning, nearly as tall as he was, slender and with legs for days. You couldn’t help but stare in shock. She was clearly a very outgoing, social person, looking like she was talking constantly and saying hello to almost everyone who passed by, seemingly the social butterfly. And Tae looked happy. You didn’t think you had ever seen him look that happy when he was with you. The fragile hope you’d been carrying was instantly crushed, and it felt as if your heart had been run over by a truck. 

Feeling yourself getting emotional, you quickly fled out the back door. The house was on the edge of a lake and you kept going until you reached the dock before allowing yourself to collapse to your knees, the tears pouring from your eyes against your will. Who had you been kidding? That was the kind of girl he wanted, the kind of girl he deserved. A “hot” girl, a “fun” girl. Not an admittedly cute but short, bookish, shy person who hated large social gatherings. Basically, not you. 

You weren’t sure how long you sat there sobbing, trying to get a hold of your breathing and calm down but failing miserably, before you heard footsteps coming down the hill. You sniffled, hoping it was Sara or Jimin and not someone else. But you were unlucky. 

Taehyung sat down next to you, deep concern etched into his features. “Y/n? What’s wrong?” He asked so sincerely you almost wanted to laugh. When you just shook your head, the tears still coming, he wrapped you in a hug and held you close. “Hey, it’s okay… You’re okay… Tell me what happened.” He said quietly, trying to soothe you. By some miracle you pulled yourself together, calming down even though the tears were still running down your cheeks. You felt like you were going to be sick, pulling away from his hug. “I’m so stupid. I managed to fall in love with someone who’s never going to love me back, and even more foolishly, I thought maybe I had a chance…. Until tonight.” You admitted in a small voice, not making eye contact. 

Taehyung observed you carefully. “He came to the party?” He asked, and you shut your eyes tightly, nodding. “But with somebody else, and it just became so clear it’s never going to happen, and I was dumb to think that it could.” You said in a near-whisper. Taehyung thought over your words. Jimin had showed up with Sara, so clearly in love, and that must be what you were referring to. He really felt for you. He couldn’t imagine how you felt at the moment. “You’re not dumb. There is every reason for someone to love you, you’re wonderful. You’re so kind and so caring, you’re smart, you’re funny… You’re more than good enough for any guy. You’re probably too good for him.” Tae said, and you wanted to just melt into a puddle on the ground and disappear. He had no idea, you thought. 

You sighed deeply, wiping your eyes. “It doesn’t matter. I’m just going to go home. You go enjoy the rest of your night, don’t let me bring down your mood.” You said, forcing a small smile at him. He furrowed his brow in concern. “Do you want me to take you home? Is it a good idea for you to be alone right now?” He asked, trying to be a good friend. You shook your head. “No, no. You should get back to…. oh, I don’t know her name… The girl you came with. Go have fun, don’t worry about me. I’ll go home and go to bed.” Taehyung nodded slowly, accepting your instructions. “Yeah, that’s my girlfriend Kira. You should meet her sometime when you feel better. Get home safe, okay?” He said, patting you on the shoulder before rising to his feet and returning to the party. 

You didn’t want to ruin Jimin and Sara’s first outing as a couple, so you just sent a vague text that you were tired before returning home, burrowing under the covers of your bed as the tears came without stopping. You didn’t sleep much that night. 

Over the next week or so you were even less social than usual, noticeably changed. Your two roommates, now knowing what’d happened, had been taking good care of you and trying to cheer you up a bit. But your other friends and classmates didn’t fail to catch your lack of smiles, how you were even quieter than usual, or how distant you seemed. You couldn’t avoid the class you had with Taehyung, so you just tried to stay extremely focused, ignoring his attempts to start conversation or inquiries about whether you were okay. He definitely noticed how unusual your behavior was, and he sent you texts a couple times a day trying to be supportive or make you feel better. Little did he know that he was only making matters worse. Meanwhile, every time your friends met up for lunch or for game night or anything of that nature, he brought Kira along with him, clearly extremely into her. You weren’t surprised. She had everything you lacked. So over time you stopped going to those gatherings, too. 

Weeks passed and Taehyung was still in his “not leaving you alone in a misguided attempt to be a good friend” routine, refusing to leave you alone no matter how much you pushed him away. He finally showed up at your door one Saturday, smiling and carrying a bag of snacks. “We’re having a movie day, I won’t take no for an answer. You’ve always been there for me when I was down, so I’m going to do the same thing for you. I’m worried about you, you’re so not yourself. So let me cheer you up!” He insisted. The two of you sat down on the couch in the living room, with you trying to breathe deeply as you covered your face, frustrated beyond belief. He babbled on cheerily about how you were a total catch and you shouldn’t be so down on yourself, that everything was going to be totally fine and that he couldn’t let you just retreat into yourself without trying to help. 

Suddenly the pent up feelings bubbled over. “STOP.” You yelled, not looking at him. He was shocked. You were always so soft-spoken, not once had he heard you raise your voice like that. When you finally looked at him, the pain in your eyes was clearly visible to him. “It’s you. I’m in love with YOU. Honestly, I have been for years. I know you have good intentions, but what you’re doing here isn’t helping. I’m trying to get over you but you just won’t let me.” Tears welled up in your eyes, your voice sounding strained. Taehyung was, in short, astounded. Never in a million years would he have anticipated this. “I…. I’m sorry. You’re right, I just don’t feel that way about you. You’re my friend, I don’t…. I’ve never seen you like that.” He said like word vomit. 

You laughed harshly to yourself as a couple tears escaped. “Yeah, because there’s every reason to love me, wasn’t that your phrasing? I’m more than good enough for anybody, you said…. Well, anybody except you, I guess. It’s cruel, really, to hear you say those things knowing the truth of how you feel. You mean well, Tae, and I’m furious that I can’t blame you for this. I can’t blame you for how much this hurts. But you have to stop now. Leave me alone. Stop talking to me, stop sending me motivational texts, don’t even smile at me. Just leave me be, please.” You implored. “Go away so I can learn to let you go.” You said in a whisper, more tears leaking from your eyes. Not sure what else to do and still in shock, Taehyung nodded dumbly, getting up to leave. He paused in the doorway for just a moment, muttering a quiet “I’m sorry” before leaving. And when he was gone you finally broke down again.

He did as you asked, completely cutting off contact and leaving you alone. You did your best to avoid him. He was surprised at how much it hurt every time you avoided eye contact with him or turned to walk in a different direction upon spotting him. He figured it was just the loss of a close friend being painful, so otherwise he continued on as usual. Taehyung spent most of his time with Kira. He found himself bored in most conversations with her, and he found her loud, chatty nature kind of annoying. But everyone said they made the perfect couple, so he must just be feeling this way because of guilt, right? He convinced himself of that, pushing away any thoughts that his relationship wasn’t right. 

Months passed. For a while nobody really saw you aside from Jimin and Sara. If you were shy before, you were antisocial now. If you were a homebody, you were now a recluse. You had all but disappeared from your greater social circle, knowing it was the only way to avoid Taehyung. You focused on your schoolwork. You were visibly sad leading up to winter break, and you knew everyone else was noticing how unlike your usual self you’d been. You were grateful for the reprieve of the break, a chance to live your life for a while without the threat of running into Tae. The time away did you good and you felt like things were finally looking up. 

The glimmer of hope was amplified tenfold when over the break, you met a guy in a bookshop with a radiant smile and a squeaky laugh. Seokjin, as you learned was his name, was a master’s student at your university. You’d struck  up a conversation as he was perusing the cookbooks in the shop you’d met in. He was one of those genuinely nice people who brightened your day without trying. He made you laugh with cheesy jokes and fascinated you with stories of his cooking adventures. 

Before you knew it you were spending most of your time together. You started to feel happy again and for the first time in longer than you could remember, you felt something in your heart other than pain. With him you didn’t feel like you needed to be a “hot girl” or “fun girl”. You didn’t feel like you were missing anything. He thought you were small and cute and loved nothing more than quiet nights in with you, cooking together or watching dramas. You no longer thought about how you wished your legs were longer, or how you wished you were more social, or how you didn’t think you were pretty like other girls. Like the perfect fit of two puzzle pieces, you felt like enough. By the time break was ending you were officially dating. Not that Seokjin wasn’t absolutely lovely, but it wasn’t just him that changed how you saw yourself. The time away from an environment where you saw nothing but flaws had done you good, and as much as he had helped heal you, you’d healed yourself. 

At the start of the new semester, Taehyung caught himself keeping an eye out for you, hoping to see you even from afar. He missed you terribly, if he was honest. To his delight, you had a class in common again. He felt a warmth in his chest when he finally saw you again, settling into a seat in the lecture hall. The light had returned to your eyes. You were smiling again. The relief he felt was immense, having felt awful for hurting you in the first place. 

Without realizing it, he watched you, eventually noticing your focus on the new TA and the looks you were exchanging. It gave him an odd almost nauseous feeling. When the class finally ended, he stopped to read a text before he packed up his things to leave. That’s when he heard you laugh. It occurred to him what a beautiful sound it was and how much he had missed hearing it. Then he looked up. You were standing with the new TA, arms wrapped around each other as you whispered, laughing at something. Taehyung couldn’t remember the last time he saw you smile like that. The TA planted a quick kiss on your forehead before taking your hand, and the two of you walked out of the lecture hall together. Though he couldn’t wrap his head around why, Taehyung felt like he’d been slapped. 

He couldn’t stop thinking about it for the rest of the day, including when he got dinner with Kira that night. “Baaaaaabe! You’re not listening to me!” She whined, pouting. It was true, he had totally zoned out. He was too busy trying to make sense of the overwhelming feelings he was experiencing. It was late that same night that he finally realized what was going on. The realization hit him with both excitement and a sense of horror: he had feelings for you. The horrifying part was how much he’d hurt you, only to discover his feelings after all this time. But you had really loved him, right? The strength and sincerity of your feelings for him had been so apparent. Surely it wasn’t too late.

That’s how he found himself rushing across campus past midnight, hurrying to your apartment, feeling like he was about to burst with all the emotion running through him. He knocked loudly on the door, breathless from the anticipation and his rush to get to you. You were beyond surprised to see him when you opened the door, standing there with messy hair and a blanket wrapped around yourself. You frowned, entirely perplexed at his sudden appearance. “Tae? What are you doing here?” You asked in complete confusion. Taehyung had a big, dumb grin painted on his face. “Y/n, I’m so sorry it took me this long to realize it, I have feelings for you too! I - I think I love you too.” 

You could hear the excitement in his voice. Your confused face morphed into an annoyed frown. “You smug bastard. After all this time now that I’m finally happy you want to bust back in here and drop a confession?! Are you joking?!” Your voice was growing shrill with anger. The blanket you were wrapped in dropped to the floor, forgotten as you angrily gestured at him. “I honestly can’t believe you’re actually this selfish. You don’t get to treat me like I’m disposable, like some toy you can pick up or toss away whenever you get bored.” This was the second time ever he’d heard your voice raised in a near-yell. 

He heard footsteps as he stared at you, finally taking in your appearance. You were dressed in a men’s tee shirt that was much too big for you and a pair of shorts. It was impossible to miss the dark marks on your neck. A taller figure approached from behind you, placing a hand on your shoulder. It was the TA, also messy-haired in a sweatshirt and sweatpants. You turned to look at him and your angry face transformed instantly into a soft, affectionate smile. “Everything okay?” He asked you, and you nodded. “Everything’s fine, Jinnie. Taehyung was just leaving.” You turned back to Taehyung and in an instant your gaze was like ice. 

The pain in his chest and the hollowness he felt was suffocating. Was this how you’d felt for so long whenever you were with him? Tears were welling up in his eyes, but he just nodded and turned away, leaving as you shut the door. He’d been a fool, and he was far too late, he realized, thinking he may have made the biggest mistake of his life. The smiles that had been reserved for him alone for years now belonged to someone else. And though he knew it was selfish, he couldn’t help but be bitter that you had moved on. 

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Okay that one hurt a little bit, huh? A tad angstier than what I normally write. Still, I hope you enjoyed it! I love feedback so please do leave some. <3

[the-awkward-outlaw]

Hii, I'm actually sad-sweet-cowboah and I've always wanted to request something from you! How about modern AU, Arthur surprises reader with a horse she's been really eyeing for a while? Maybe it doubles as a cute proposal? (and just for reference, a gorgeous golden Palomino Quarter Horse!)

Ah I’m so glad you sent this in to me! This was a lot of fun, and Arthur is fucking adorable! 16/10 best boyfriend/husband material, you cannot change my mind! (Will someone make that into a meme?) Anyways, have fun! 

Masterlist 

Read on AO3

(BTW, Arthur’s hot as hell in this pic.....) 

Arthur stands on the deck of his house, lost in thought. He really should be in the barn, finishing up the last of the day’s work, but he’s worried. You should’ve been home half an hour ago and yet he still hasn’t heard from you. He’s texted you, but nothing. Maybe you’re just stuck in traffic. 

You and Arthur have lived together for over a year, and been dating for over two years. He remembers how he convinced you to move in with him, as you’d been adamant. Hell, it’d been hard enough to get you to date him. 

When you both first met, it was like a spark between you. However, you were scared of taking the next step with him, as you were just a natural loner. Not only that, you’d been alone for so long you didn’t think there would be anyone who wanted to be with you. So when Arthur asked you to be his girlfriend, you almost ran off, sure he was pulling your leg. However, something told you that you needed to be brave, to take the leap, so you did. 

About 8 months later, Arthur really wanted you to move in with him on his little ranch, tucked in a canyon not too far from a small mountain town. But again, you were hesitant. It’s not that you didn’t love him, just the opposite in fact. You were so in love, you were constantly terrified that you’d mess up, that he’d end up hating you when you ended up living together. The last thing you wanted was to mess this up. 

Then, shortly after your first year anniversary, the Coronavirus pandemic hit and everyone was sent into quarantine. Luckily you were able to work remotely, so you didn’t lose much money. It was nice working from home, you could stay in your pj’s all day, not worry about makeup, none of that stuff. But you missed seeing your boyfriend and he missed you. The two of you did plenty of video chats, but it wasn’t the same. You couldn’t smell him, hug him, touch him, kiss him… nothing. You tried doing some video sex, but you got outrageously uncomfortable doing it over video chat (what if some hacker got in?), and Arthur wasn’t all that comfortable either. 

Those 60 days were some of the longest and loneliest of your life. You would’ve easily gone to his home and see you, but his little town wanted absolutely no outsiders to come in, so they blocked the roads, preventing you and Arthur from visiting. When quarantine was lifted, that was when you decided to move in with Arthur. After all, you didn’t know if there would be another one. You could work remotely, only having to go into the office a couple times a month for meetings, so the work situation with you was easy enough. 

That was over a year ago, and despite your fears that the two of you would end up breaking up after a few months, the opposite happened. Your relationship grew beyond what you thought and the two of you have never been more in love. Sure, there’s been a few arguments, but nothing bad enough to break things off. For the most part, you and Arthur get along famously. 

Arthur sighs again, still feeling worried. Today was one of the days you had to go into the office for meetings. They never run past five, and the office is nearly an hour away, but it’s nearly eight in the evening. You should definitely be home by now. You must be stuck in traffic, which is why you’ve not answered any of his texts. He pulls out his phone and dials your number. Why he didn’t do this earlier is beyond him. 

A few rings go by and you finally pick up. “Hey, babe,” you say. 

He smiles. “Hey, darlin’. Just worried about ya. Everything okay?” 

“Yeah. Just a big accident on the freeway. I stopped and got dinner too since it’s late. Should be home in like ten minutes.” 

“Good. Kiss ya when I see ya,” he says and hangs up. That’s always how he says good bye to you over the phone and you love it. 

Like clockwork, ten minutes go by and you pull into the driveway. He walks out of the house to greet you, pulling you into a tight hug and kissing you like he always does. He wants to tell you so badly what he’s got planned, but it’s gotta be a surprise. Under no circumstance can he spoil it. Not like this. 

After dinner, the two of you cuddle up on the couch and watch a show before going to bed. He can tell you’re exhausted. These meeting days are your least favorite and they always wipe you out. Arthur cradles your head to his chest as you lie in bed. Within seconds, he hears you snore softly, making him smile. He goes back to thinking about tomorrow. 

Arthur’s owned this ranch for most of his life. It wasn’t always his though. He grew up here with his adopted fathers, Hosea and Dutch. However, Hosea was killed very suddenly a few years ago in a car crash after he’d been hit by a drunk driver. His death had been so sudden that it hit Dutch extremely hard. Dutch ended up just vanishing one day, driven by grief and confusion. Arthur hasn’t seen him since. 

The ranch fell into his hands after Dutch disappeared. He secretly hopes that maybe Dutch will come back someday, if he’s still alive that is. He’d love you two to meet, as he’s sure Dutch would like you better than his last serious girlfriend Mary. 

His thoughts drift to her and he feels even more nervous. He’d been engaged to her for three months before she’d broken it off. She claimed it was because she hated his location, that she wanted to live in the city, not some small mountain town where everything was far away. Perhaps that was true, but he suspected there was more to it than that. After all, when Mary’s father discovered that Arthur had two fathers, he was extremely upset that Mary was dating someone raised by homosexuals. He’s always suspected that her father had a big reason behind why they broke up. Not only that, but he wonders if she was seeing a guy on the side. How could she go from being engaged to being in a new relationship only three weeks after they broke up? Good riddance, though, he thinks. He loves you a hundred times more than he ever loved her. 

You’ve never cared about his upbringing, stating that Hosea and Dutch were at least good parents to him. You’ve known far too many heterosexual parents who were awful, and how many gay couples are out there who’d love to have kids and be the best parents. You weren’t in contact with your parents anymore (he still didn’t even know what they look like), so they aren’t an issue. 

Arthur starts thinking about how sad and lonely your life has been. How you spent so many years alone and how you believed you’d die alone. He’s so grateful for having met you. You don’t deserve to die alone, you’re too good of a person. He kisses your head as you sleep, overwhelmed with his sense of love for you. A smile makes its way to his lips as he thinks about tomorrow. 

Over the past year, as you’ve grown more comfortable to ranch life, you’ve been thinking about maybe getting your own horse. Arthur has a few that you’re certainly welcome to, of course, but you’ve been wanting one to call your own for a while now. A few weeks ago, you’d both been in town to go to the one grocery store there. As the truck went down the highway and passed another ranch, you saw the signs “horses for sale”. In the pasture was a beautiful palomino quarter horse. It looked like it was made of gold as it grazed in the sun. You begged Arthur to stop the truck and just go see the horse. 

He pulled over, unable to resist your excitement, and you went to the fence. The palomino, along with most of its pasture mates, came over to investigate you and Arthur. You patted her nose and Arthur could tell you were already in love with her. However, he had no idea what her temperament was like, so he came up with a plan. 

On the days when you had to go to meetings, Arthur went to the horse’s owner to ask questions and get acquainted with the horse. She was young, only three, but the owner had raised her and trained her himself. He invited Arthur to go on a trail ride using her so he could see how good of a riding horse she was. After only twenty minutes on her, Arthur knew she was perfect for you. She responded to his lightest touch and command. After the trail ride, Arthur bought her, but he kept her at her former owners so you wouldn’t see her too soon. 

Yesterday, while you’d been gone, Arthur went and picked the horse up and brought her back. She didn’t have a name yet, but he wanted you to have that privilege. The man who raised her called her Sierra, but he knew that was your mother’s name and you were unlikely to keep it as you had no desire to see her for as long as he’s known you. He struggles to fall asleep, feeling like a kid on Christmas, excited to show you his gift. He’s also terrified as he’s going to use the horse as a segway for the biggest decision of his life. 

************************************************

The next morning, Arthur gets up much earlier than usual. He’s normally up a bit past sunrise so he can feed the animals and get an earlier start on cleaning before it gets hot. This morning, though, you wake up at the crack of dawn and find his side of the bed empty. After grabbing a cup of coffee, you go out and find him just finishing feeding the chickens. 

“Hey, sweetheart,” he says, a big grin on his face. 

You say good morning and he comes over, leaning across the fence so he can kiss you. 

“Hey, I got a couple more chores to do, but once they’re done, I got somethin’ to show ya.” 

“Okay, I’ll help. What needs to be done?” 

He smiles, loving how willing you always are to help him out. It makes his life a lot easier. He struggles though, as most of the remaining chores were in the stables with the horses, including yours. 

“Um… well, why don’t you go through the chicken coop, see about eggs.” 

You nod and go off to grab the collecting basket. Arthur asks you to finish feeding the chickens as well so he can go into the stable. After collecting nearly a dozen eggs and placing them in the egg storage so they can be sold this weekend, you brush off your hands and start heading into the stables. Arthur darts out, slightly sweaty from his work. 

“Woo, it’s hot. Hey baby, um, maybe you can go get us some drinks?” he says. His tone is weird, like he’s hiding something. 

“Um… okay. Everything okay?” 

“Everythin’s just fine.” He kisses you again real quick and then shoots back into the stables. 

After retrieving two beer bottles, you go out to find Arthur in the paddock, which is attached to the right side of the barn so the horses can go in and out of their stalls. He’s wringing his gloved hands a bit, but smiles when he sees you. What is going on with him? 

“Thanks, darlin’,” he says when you go into the pen and hand him his beer. Instead of opening it, he places it onto a post of the fence. “I wanted to show you somethin’.” 

He looks to the barn and whistles. Odd, he’s looking at one of the stalls that’s been empty the entire time you’ve lived here. Something snorts and out walks the golden horse you’d been admiring for the past few weeks. You gasp and put your hands over your mouth. 

“Arthur, is that…?” 

“She’s yours, sweetheart. I took her for a ride a while ago, she’s a good horse.” 

The filly walks over to you and snorts in greeting, stretching her neck out to bump her nose to your hand. Tears leak out of your eyes as you start rubbing her neck, going down to her withers. 

“Arthur, she’s beautiful!” 

He chuckles softly and walks over to hug you, grinning as you bury your face into his chest. God, you couldn’t ask for a sweeter boyfriend. 

“Thank you so much, Arthur! I love her.” 

“Good. What’s her name?” 

“Did she not have one before?” 

He tells you what her name used to be, but as he predicted, you don’t like it. You think for a moment, studying her golden coat. She swishes her silver tail. 

“Maybe… Freyja? I know you like having names of gods and goddesses for your horses.” 

Arthur chuckles as he thinks about his two favorite horses, Boadicea and Artemis. “If that’s what you want, darlin’. She’s your horse though, you name her whatever feels right.” 

You look at her and smile. “Freyja feels right.” 

Freyja snorts, not giving a single damn about her name. Her eyes are soft as you pat her neck again. 

“Well, why don’t we groom miss Freyja? Maybe you can ride her around the pasture, see how you like her.” 

You nod and go into the stables to grab a brush and hoof pick. Freyja’s very patient as you groom her, standing still as you clean out her feet. Arthur hauls out the heavy saddle after you throw on her saddle blanket and grab her bridle. After cinching on the saddle and adjusting the stirrups, Arthur says, “Oh I forgot somethin’, hold on.” 

He goes into the stables as you pat the horse’s neck again, anxious to hop into the saddle. He comes back out, empty handed and looking frustrated. 

“I thought I left it in there,” he grunts, coming back over to you. 

“What you looking for?” 

“A thing,” he says, ignoring you and shoving his hand into the saddle bag. “I thought I left it… ah ha! Don’t know how it got in there.” 

He pulls his hand out and you see a small, velvety box. He brushes it off quickly and then holds it out to you. 

“Sweetheart, I uh… I been thinking about doin’ this for a while. It would… it would mean a lot to me.” 

You take the box, your stomach clenching. Is this a ring? Or is it something else and you’re just being hopeful? Your heart pounding in your ears, you open the box and see the ring. You gasp. It’s not a diamond, you always hated diamonds. Too common and overpriced. Instead, it’s a silver band, the metal engraved with fancy, swooping curls, a gem in your favorite color perched on top. 

“Arthur?” you say, your voice squeaking as you take out the ring. 

He clasps your hands in his, the ring nestled in your palm. “I wanna marry ya, sweetheart. You… well, you’re more than I could ever hope for in a companion. I never thought I’d wanna marry someone again after Mary…” he looks down and swallows. You know all about her of course. “But that was until I fell in love with you. There’s no doubt in my mind that I wanna spend the rest of my life with you.” 

Fresh tears are cascading down your cheeks. You look at the ring again and Arthur’s suddenly afraid you’ll say no, or that you’re not ready. He worries that he might have to try and talk you into this like he had when he wanted to date you and then have you move in. He doesn’t want to do that with this though. Just as his stomach begins to sink, you smile up at him. 

“Yes, Arthur. I will marry you, a thousand times.” 

He smiles, swallowing a wave of his own tears and cups your cheek. He takes the ring and slides it onto your finger, then he presses his forehead to yours. For several moments, you both stand there in this position, letting the world go by as you bask in one another’s presence. You slide a hand over his neck, wanting to be even closer to him, your future husband. 

Suddenly something shoves your shoulder hard and it’s followed by a loud snort. Arthur chuckles, pulling away from you. “Think Freyja wants your attention again.” 

You laugh and kiss him before facing your horse and climbing into the saddle (with his help of course). You adjust yourself in the saddle, sliding both feet into the stirrups. Arthur pats your thigh and tells you to just walk around the pen so that you and Freyja can get acquainted with the feel of one another. 

As Arthur watches you walk with your horse, he feels a sense of excitement and contentment. Excited for the future, of course, but he’s never been so sure about anything as he is about this. Marrying you is the only thing he could do, he’s never wanted anything more. 

[chilly-me-softly]

love, i need part 2 for that jack, sum like he regret it a few years later after he sees a 'new guy(but really he was just a friend but he misinterpret it)' in you and son/daughter life. Thank you! :)

Part 1

This was just so long that I decided to stop at some point but if you wanna I’m totally in for another part x

Your message arrives on time like every month. When you left his house, you told him that he would have that baby whether he wanted it or not, and despite what your friends and family told you, you wanted him to be part of the baby's life. You didn't want him to regret it if he decided to be a father, so during those months you kept sending him pictures of the ultrasounds and keeping him updated on the size of the fetus that was growing and was in excellent health. It's a girl. You discovered the sex just a few hours earlier in the umpteenth ultrasound you had gone to alone, but despite everything the first person you wanted to share the news with was him. Even though you haven't spoken for months, you haven't seen each other for months and he never replies to your texts.

Jack lays a finger on what he thinks is the little girl, his daughter, he can't quite figure out the shape of the ultrasound. There are so many emotions inside him, he knows he's ruined everything and he doesn't even know why you bother so much. In your place, he would have appealed to silence and let the other live in his head with his worries, his fears and questions about how everything was going.

But perhaps keeping him in the loop is the best weapon, constantly reminding him what a big mess he made; that he ruined the most important thing he had built up in life because of his fears. He plays in front of thousands of people every week captaining a team, being the target of negativity and positivity, living in the improbability and the opportunities to be taken to do well and at the moment of the most important decision of his life, he had backed out.

And the last day of the championship couldn't come at a worse time. Everyone surrounded by their loved ones, by their families, while he ignored everything and stood aside for a while. Jack stares a bit at all his mates as they clap and point something at the children in their arms, but he stops to look at Tyrone in particular. Oh his little girl is something unique, she is so beautiful and would be so close in age to his that they could easily become great friends.

He shakes his head at the thought he had. The truth is it was only a few days before he regretted his choice - and okay, talking about it with Ty wasn't really his brightest idea but lately he wasn't doing anything right so. But the more time passed, the more impossible it was for him to find the courage to knock on your door and look you in the eye and he was afraid of what might happen.

He certainly didn't expect everything to go back to the way it was before, he'd made it too big for that. It had been too many months, he'd missed important appointments. You found out it was going to be a girl without him.

He'd always believed he was no good at being a father, hell, just the thought of holding a little creature in his arms scared the hell out of him. But that was the beauty of it, the unpredictability of what could be. But more importantly, you were going to give him his first child. You deserved to enjoy that experience, you deserved someone by your side who would take care of you and the little one and above all, you would have been wrong together. As scared as he might have been, he knew that by letting you go, he would have more regrets than joys in life. To hell with his career, not even winning the premier in the near future would make him as happy as sharing everything with you.

So he takes advantage of the adrenaline still in his system and the pep talk he gave himself and rushes to your front door, a stuffed animal in his hand and a heavy heart in his chest.

When you open the door that day, you didn't expect to find Jack standing in front of you. You stand motionless on the threshold and your hand immediately rests on your rather pronounced belly. He follows your movement and his Adam's apple goes up and down quickly while his eyes don't come off your belly.

"What are you doing here?" your neutral tone brings him back to reality and he clears his throat, suddenly nervous and insecure again.

"Can I come in?" you look at him indecisively before you sigh and open the door wider so he can set foot in your house.

Jack looks around as he walks down that hallway, your pictures with him are gone and it's a heartbreak when he realizes but what he expected. The television still gives pictures of the championship day and for a moment he thinks you were watching him, he wants to believe it.

"I- I brought you this" you seem to notice the stuffed animal in his hands just then. It's the Villa's mascot, with the team jersey and your hormones are so high in those months that you almost feel touched even if you want to remain as neutral as possible around him so as not to let yourself be tricked again and not to risk finding yourself alone again.

"I've set up her room, do you want to see it?"

"Please" you don't know why you asked, but he nods and then you take him by the hand and take him to a room within a few steps from yours. That contact you haven't had for months is like water in the desert, but you hurry to let go of his hand as soon as you get to that room.

The soft shades of pink fill that room, a white cradle is placed against a wall and you go towards it to put the puppet on the pillow.

"Have you mounted the cradle yet?" he's almost incredulous as he looks around, another blow to his heart realizing he missed that moment too.

"Yeah well I've taken advantage of it while I can still do something and I didn't think it would be up right away so" you shrug while he smiles, approaching the cradle and lightly touching the surface with your fingers.

"You look great" you don't know what to say to him so you choose not to.

"What do you want Jack?"

"That you forgive me. I was a fool to leave you alone like that and maybe I realized it too late-"

"It's never too late to be a part of your daughter's life" you interrupt him and he looks at you pleading.

"What about yours?"

"Now she's the most important thing, we can do it peacefully if you're willing to take responsibility as a father"

"I'll always be there for her, I can promise you that"

"That's all I need for now"

"(Y/N)" he comes dangerously close to you, a hand caresses your cheek as his gaze is pointed at your lips. His face gets closer and closer to yours, your tongue passes over your suddenly dry lips, and just before his lips can come into contact with yours, you place two fingers on his lips stopping him.

"Jack" you whisper as he closes his eyes for a second, "Please go now"

He looks at you for a moment while you bite your lip hard, and then he leaves after leaving a kiss on one of your cheek.

When he said he'd always be there for his daughter from now on, he meant it. His first ultrasound is something surreal, a picture doesn't fully convey all the emotions he feels watching everything live.

And the moment of childbirth is a unique emotion for both of you. For those hours there's no Jack who didn't want a child, there's no you alone, you're just two people bound by that miracle that's about to be brought to life. Just for that day, you act like the family you were supposed to be. When the baby finally comes into the world, he kisses you as tears roll down both your cheeks.

The first time he picks her up, Jack feels like a new person. He still can't believe he almost missed something like this because of his paranoia. He's still scared, if ever now they've tripled because he has a little girl for god's sake but he sees your proud and happy smile that surely matches his.

In the following days he stays with you as much as he can, sleeping on your couch and making sure to never leave you alone. Your family is still a bit reluctant to see him around, he made their little girl suffer after all and they don't know how things are between you yet, but seeing him there for the little girl is already something.

The truth is that you haven't completely let go yet, constantly worried that he might decide again that that life isn't for him taking his things and leave. Even if you see how he cradles her, you see how he smiles at her, you see how he's always worried about her and you.

Months fly by and the situation hasn't changed, you're basically two coparents. Neither of you brought up the kiss exchanged at the hospital, nor the current situation you're in. Both too scared and in love and stupid.

Tyrone suggests not to wait any longer, to put his cards on the table so as not to risk you moving on and losing you for real. Your friends support whatever choice you want to make, advising you to have a nice open conversation with him about the future and everything that's on your mind.

He has practically been by your side for months before the birth, months after the baby's arrival and he is still by your side patient and giving you your space in everything. It's pretty obvious that he would never leave both of your lives again so if you still have feelings for him go for it.

Jack just texted you to find out where you are because he'd like to visit the baby and you tell him you're out and about. The only thing you omit is to be in company, your friend had been around a lot during those months and he knew all about your current situation.

When he sees you, he stops by immediately. You're sitting at a coffee table and that stranger is holding his daughter while you're unfastening her bib. The little girl seems to be comfortable in his arms, which are not her daddy's and yet she smiles the same way she does with him. Maybe it's too late, maybe she deserves it after all. No, you deserve to be happy, and judging by the hug you're giving the guy, well, you are.

That day, when he made the biggest mistake of his life, you accused him of always thinking only of himself. Well he wouldn't have done that now, if you were happy no matter how much he wanted to get back with you. He would have let you go because your happiness was worth a thousand times more than his.

 Part 3

[helgabatwrittings]

You and Me Against the World, M’lady

https://archiveofourown.org/works/25014643/chapters/60632809

Hi, I’m back!! And with a prompt for day 2: Stargazing, for @ladynoirjuly2020 .

As always, I want to tag @sassykittynoir , @miraculouslyinloveagain and @smileytrinity, you guys inspire me so much to write, I hope you like this! In fact, I hope everyone likes this xD! Let me know what you think!

                                                            ***

Patrol was by far the highest moment in Adrien’s week. Both he and Ladybug were getting overwhelmed by the crazy amount of schoolwork, on top of Akuma attacks and their extracurricular activities, and so, and for Adrien’s misery, their nightly meetings had to be cut short to once a week. Nevertheless, Adrien would take the most out of it, every minute that he spent with his lady was precious, he couldn’t give himself the luxury of wasting them.

Today, however, he was exhausted! His tiredness could be explained by an accumulation of the last week’s increasing hours of modelling, photoshoots upon photoshoots constantly sneaking their way into his schedule, followed by an intense fencing training every morning before classes started in preparation for an upcoming tournament, the piano lessons that lasted for at least two hours, by his father insistence, the Akuma attacks that also didn’t give any of the heroes a break, and the lonesome meals were all taking a toll on him. Besides, today he couldn’t go to Marinette’s, she said she wouldn’t be home that night, she had a family event or something like that. He couldn’t exactly tell what plans she had for the night since she stumbled upon her words too much for a congruent phrase to be comprehended. It shouldn’t matter what she had planned anyway, she didn’t owe him an explanation, and yet, he was still bummed that he wouldn’t be seeing her.

Beep beep! He looked at the lit screen of his baton, noticing the text Ladybug had just sent him, “Good Evening, Chaton! I have a surprise for you! Come meet me at our spot! Bug out!” He smiled goofily. What had his lady prepared for him? She never failed to impress him.

Adrien vaulted through the rooftops, as fast as his exhausted body could go. He got to the Notre Dame tower where they usually started patrol, and there she was. In all her majestic glory, sitting on a towel, next to a large basket, which he suspected contained some delicious treats inside. She was gazing at the shining Parisian view, transfixed by its beauty, so she didn’t seem to notice his arrival. Adrien smirked.

Silently tiptoeing until he was right behind her, he crouched to her height stealthily, “Evening, M’lady!”, Adrien greeted her in a louder than normal tone, exactly the volume he knew would startle her.

As expected, Ladybug jumped, almost knocking her head on his chin, “CHAAAT! You scared me!!” Despite her annoyed voice tone, Adrien could see a slight smirk gracing her lips.

“Awww, buguinette, you looked so peaceful staring at the view, I didn’t want to disturb you!” He teased her, flicking one of her ponytails.

Ladybug lightly slapped his hand away from her hair, “Well, since you’ve decided to be such a brat tonight, I guess I have no other option but to take this picnic basket home!” She booped his nose and chuckled, “Guess I’ll have to feed these croissants to the stray cat that visits me every night!”

Adrien gasped dramatically at this new revelation, not only was she taking the croissants he loved away, but another cat was keeping her company?? “Noooo, Buguinette! I promise I’ll behave!” To prove his point, he sat on the chequered towel, his hands resting on his legs to keep them from bouncing in excitement.

“Well, since you promised!” She sat right next to him, stretching right over his lap to reach the basket that was just next to Adrien. His cheeks went immediately scarlet, and his heart must have doubled its rate. God, this girl had such an effect on him! She had him right on the palm of her hand, Ladybug would be the death of him. Let it be known, Adrien Agreste would die because Ladybug, Paris darling, would kill him with her beauty and angelical grace!

And the worst, the absolute worst, is that she knew exactly what she was doing! She could have asked him to grab the basket, but nooo… She really wanted to end him, uh? Hawkmoth was an amateur next to his lady. She was the real criminal mastermind in Paris for what she was doing to him.

“-at…”

God, could his face get any warmer? He swore his blood had been entirely deployed to it so that LB could see exactly what she had done to him.

“-hat…”

If his heart continued to pump at this rate, Adrien would have a heart attack, he was certain of it.

“CHAT!!” His attention immediately drifted to her. Ladybug was holding a pain au chocolat, her eyes had this sparkle Adrien was used to seeing when she was amused with something, although her face was trying to pull a blank expression. “Do you want this pain au chocolat or not?”

“What?” He asked in a daze.

“Hello! Earth to Chat Noir!!” Ladybug mocked him, lightly knocking on his head.

“I’m here!” He jumped, finally realising what Ladybug was offering to him. He could never say no to those heavenly sweets she brought from time to time. They were on par with the pastries Marinette offered him every time he visited, and those had no competition in Paris. He grabbed the pastry, while Ladybug took a croissant from the basket for herself.

She wasn’t exactly talkative, but neither was he. They ate the pastries in pleasant silence, although Adrien was still a bit confused about why they were skipping patrol to have a picnic.

“Uh… LB?” Her eyes were closed, a pleased smile was gracing her lips while she slowly chewed on her croissant.

“Yes, kitty?” His heart jumped a beat at hearing the affective nickname Ladybug sometimes used for him.

“Why are we doing this? I, I mean, not that I’m not loving to spend some quality time alone with you in this romantic setting.” He wiggled his eyebrows, flirting with Ladybug to mask his nervousness.

“Well, I don’t know about you, but my life is kind of chaotic right now, and Hawkmoth has not been going easy on us. I just thought we deserved a night off, that’s all.” Her bluebell eyes established contact with his own, and his brain immediately turned into a jumbled mess. Seriously… How could he have any rational thought when his lady looked at him with that gentle expression of hers. Was she even aware of the power she had on him? How, with only a simple look, could she freeze his entire being and capture his heart to be forever hers? Some of Hawkmoth’s Akumas must have taken refuge in his belly, he could feel them inside as Adrien kept watching Ladybug in all her grace munching on her croissant. He knew that if he stood in front of a mirror at that moment, his face would be the same colour as his lady’s suit.

He needed to distract himself with something else, otherwise, his brain would start to make up these crazy scenarios and he wouldn’t be able to deal with them, especially not in front of Ladybug. Damn those teenage hormones!

Adrien looked up to the clear night sky, gazing at the stars above them. Physics was always a passion of his, especially Astronomy. He remembered spending countless nights alone in his room, back when he only had Chloé in his life, gazing through his floor-to-ceiling windows. He owned several stars charts, and his mum had also gifted him a next-gen telescope so he could further feed his passion. He had learned all the constellations, and it was those that had kept him company and helped him stay grounded when he was going through the painful grief his mum’s disappearance had brought upon his life.

“What are you looking at?” Ladybug looked down at him. When had he lied down on that rooftop? Adrien was so distracted gazing up at the sky, that he hadn’t noticed the change of position he had adopted. The fact was that he was currently lying on his back. And his Lady had asked him a question. “I’m only looking at the stars… They look so pretty, tonight. Almost as pretty as you, m’lady!” He chuckled.

“Silly kitty! And here I thought you were finally thinking of something smart for a change.” She teased him, and Adrien put a hand on his chest, gasping dramatically while a pleasant warmth spread through his chest.

“Seriously Chat! You are awfully distracted today. Something wrong?”

Adrien shrugged, “Nothing’s wrong, Buguinette. Don’t worry. I guess I’m just more tired than usual tonight.” His eyes drifted to her face, and his heart missed another beat. Maybe Adrien should ask his father if he could see a doctor, these many palpitations were definitely not normal.

Ladybug lied on her back, her body turned in the opposite direction to his, with her head right next to his shoulder, so close that he could feel the heat radiating from her, and that was enough for his brain to lose any kind of logical thoughts once again.

He avoided turning his head towards her, Adrien knew he wouldn’t be able to resist kissing her lips if he did so.

He heard her huff, “I swear, no matter how many times I read about constellations, I can never identify them. Like, for example, I know that “W” is one, but I don’t know which one!” She pointed, and Adrien followed her gloved finger.

“That’s Cassiopeia, M’lady.” He chuckled.

“Cassiopeia? What even is that?” Ladybug asked dramatically indignant. Adrien loved how full of life she always was.

“Cassiopeia was Andromeda’s mother, and incredibly arrogant and vain. This led to her downfall when she made Poseidon become irate, and the only solution for it was to sacrifice her own daughter, which was later saved by Perseus. Poseidon still thought that Cassiopeia deserved to be punished so he turned her into a constellation.” He explained.

“Wow, Chat! How do you even know that?” Ladybug looked at him and Adrien could feel her breath on his chin.

“I love astronomy. Feels like it was ages ago since the last time I looked at the stars though.” He stated simply as an image of a green-eyed blonde woman appeared in his head.

“It’s so sad that her daughter almost paid for her arrogance…” He heard her voice quivering with emotion. Adrien turned his head toward his lady. Their lips were so incredibly close to each other, it would be so easy to capture them with his own. But he would never do that. He would never take that step, not without her permission.

Ladybug looked stunning lying on that rooftop. The moonlight gave her this ethereal shine and accentuated the blue highlights of her hair. Her cerulean eyes were piercing his soul, they were so close to each other that he could discern all the different blue tones in them. He could count all the freckles adorning her face, and he swore he saw a subtle red hue spreading on her cheeks. He had stopped breathing. Adrien could no longer feel the chill of the night, only the heat radiating from her skin and breath which ironically made his hair stand on end.

Adrien needed to break their eye contact, or else he didn’t think he would survive, he needed to start breathing again anytime soon, right? Her eyes, however, had trapped him in a hypnotic spell which Adrien was certain he couldn’t escape from, and also, he didn’t want to end this moment so soon.

His heart constricted as he was the first one to look away. He knew he shouldn’t get his hopes up. Ladybug liked another boy, and he should respect that.  But the way she was looking at him, could it be? Could she possibly care for him as more than a friend? She was a puzzle in his life, one he couldn’t solve no matter how hard he tried. He shook his head trying to get rid of these thoughts. His Lady wasn’t really his, she liked another boy. Besides, he was already dating Kagami. And Marinette? Marinette was a whole other mystery for him. Wait, why did he suddenly start to think of Marinette? Plagg was right, love was way too complicated.

[unloveable-unreachable]

You’re the One My Heart Wants- Chapter 9

Word Count: 3,864

Warnings: Swearing & Mentions of blood

Author: Me

A/N: Alright guys here’s the first chapter of the week, the next one will be posted on my birthday on Saturday (or at least that’s the plan).

Two Weeks Later

Headlines:

~~USWNT take on New Zealand after their win against South Africa in their send-off game line up.~~

~~Defending World Cup Champions are showing great promise throughout their friendly matches, per usual.~~

Y/N POV

Game days always make me nervous no matter who we play. The amount of stress our team is put under is ridiculous because we’re always expected to play the very best and always pull out a win. Don’t get me wrong, we want the same thing every match. We put in a lot of work all year to be the very best, it’s almost like we don’t get an off season. We don’t complain though, we love our job. We get to do things others don’t like we get to be on the world stage to show everyone what a force our team is. What people don’t know is that our wins aren’t as easy as we make them look. Our job is hard work, I think it was Tobin who said “Soccer is a work of art”, and she’s not wrong. It takes a lot of hard work and training to get to our level of play, and it takes even more work and training to stay at that level. We all love the game more than anyone, and we show it out on the pitch every match. We’re the biggest badasses you’ll ever meet, but if you were to ask any of us about game day more than half of us would say that game day is nerve-wracking.

We made it through our match against South Africa pretty easily, but I’m already focused on our match against New Zealand today. “You’ll do great, kiddo,” a smiling Ali says, pulling me out of my thoughts. I give her a soft smile, still pretty nervous as always. “Yeah, she’s right Y/N. You’ll do great like you always do,” Christen says with a supportive look. I give her a sympathetic smile, and she returns one of her bright grins. I felt bad because I was a starter and she wasn’t, she deserved it more than me. Jill doesn’t see the potential of our team and it really shows, especially when she starts throwing us in random positions. Fucking dumb if you ask me. Christen was faster than me, don’t get me wrong I’m pretty fast but she was definitely faster, and she’s been known to produce more goals than me. I’ve seen her stats compared to mine, they don’t even come close. I guess Jill is just trying to give me playing time before the World Cup. In any case, I’ll prove myself out on the pitch every chance I get. “Thanks, guys,” I say to them before I finish lacing up my cleats and adjusting my socks. Ready to go. Jill comes in and gives us a pep talk, going over the game plan yet again. “Alright, ladies 5 minutes till you need to be in line in the tunnel. Let’s go,” Jill says as she follows Dawn out of the locker room. When I start heading out with everyone, I’m suddenly pulled back by someone. What the fuck? I turn to see who would be holding me back from lining up, and of course it was Alex. “Good luck out there. I know you’ll do great like you always do,” she says with a big grin. I smile back and say, “You just like seeing me out on the pitch with you, creep.” She lets out a goofy laugh causing me to laugh as well, while I pull her in for a quick kiss. “Good luck to you too, Al. Kick ass out there like I know you can,” I say after pulling away from our kiss. She laughs again and gives me a smirk and a wink as we head out to the tunnel.

The match is really one-sided after the first half, we’re up 4-0, and that’s where we still are after the 60th minute. I’ve been trying to get on goal, but I’m constantly being covered by two defenders. One is really pissing me off because she won’t get off my ass, fucking bitch. It was irritating the fuck out of me, to say the least. If I’m going to show Jill what I can do then I need to get a touch on the ball, like now. It’s the 70th minute before I finally see an opening. Sammy’s pushing the ball up the pitch towards me, but she sends a long ball to Alex instead. I can still see my opening and I’m fucking taking it. I move on goal, and Alex sees me before sending in a cross to the box. I jump up with one of the New Zealand players, the same one that’s been on my ass the whole match, and I manage to get my head on it first. I watch the ball while it goes towards the goal as I come down to the ground. Then, out of nowhere, I feel a sharp pain in my face as I hit the ground, losing sight of the ball and knocking the wind out of me. “Jesus...Fucking...Christ,” I groan while I lay on the pitch, with my eyes still closed. I hear a whistle in the background, but I still haven’t opened my eyes. “Ref! She punched her in the face on purpose! The ball wasn’t even near them anymore when she did it! Card her, now!” I hear someone yell, but I can’t tell who it is. When I finally open my eyes, I’m surrounded by my teammates. I groan as I sit up, my head pounding like crazy, and they all make sounds of disgust. “What? It can’t be that bad,” I say as I reach up towards my nose. I make eye contact with Alex, who brings her hand to her mouth with a look of worry, before looking down at my hand. Blood, and a lot of it. Fucking great. It doesn’t take long for the medics to come, and it doesn’t take too long after that for them to pull me out of the match. “Hey, wait,” I say as they lead me to the locker room, “Did I score at least?” They laugh and tell me that yes I did in fact score. “Sweet,” I say with a goofy grin as we reach the training room.

We won 5-0, but I missed the rest of the match because I was stuck with the medical team. Fuck these injuries, seriously. I’m fucking tired of missing out on playing. Jill’s going to start thinking I’m fragile and won’t put me in a match again. I’m not fragile in any way whenever it comes to soccer, this is fucking aggravating. “It’s broken, but not too bad. So that’s good, but you’ll have to be out for about two weeks. You won’t miss any of the World Cup,” they say before telling me to rest. Thank fucking god. If I missed any World Cup action I would’ve been more pissed off than I am now. When they leave I lay back on the table and place the ice pack on my nose, trying to think of something other than the pain I was experiencing. I lay there in silence for a moment, and close my eyes. The door swings open maybe 5 minutes later, causing me to jump at the sound. I sit up to see Dawn trying to keep a lot of my teammates out of the room. “I can’t let you in, she needs to rest,” Dawn says, struggle clear in her voice. “I don’t care, Dawn. That’s my kid in there and I have to check on her to see if she’s okay. So either you move or I move you,” a very angry Ali Krieger says. I laugh, “It’s okay, Dawn. Let them in,” She gives me a look before stepping back to reveal Ali, Ash, Pinoe, Sonny, Lindsey, Sammy, Kelley, Allie and hiding in the back of the group was my girlfriend.

“Hey, guys. What’s up? Why the long faces?” I say with a laugh. Ali comes over and pulls me in a hug before punching me in the shoulder. “Ouch! What the hell Ali?!” I yell while rubbing my arm. “That’s for making me worried, and then making a joke about it,” she says. “Like I meant to get punched in the face,” I say as I roll my eyes. Ash laughs as she pats my head, and then takes a look at my nose, along with all the other goofs in the room. “Damnnnnn, that’s a pretty nose. How long are you out for?” Sonny asks while lifting my chin to get a ‘better’ look at my swollen nose. “Two weeks. Let me go, Sonny,” I answer, trying to pull away from her grasp. “Only two weeks?? Based on all that blood gushing out of there I thought you’d miss more,” Sammy says with a shocked look. “You know Y/N wouldn’t let them make her miss more than one game, Sammy. Our best friend is pretty hard-headed, well except for when she needed those stitches a month ago,” Lindsey says with a laugh. That causes Sonny to start laughing her ass off, along with Kelley and Pinoe. Jesus, why did I let them in here? Is it too late to call Dawn back in the room to haul them out? I roll my eyes while they all ask more questions, make more jokes, and congratulate me on my goal. But I don’t listen to them, all my attention was on Alex. She hadn’t left her spot on the back wall or said anything since she got here, she just stared at everyone else asking all their questions. When our eyes finally meet, she gives me a soft look with a soft smile which I returned. But I couldn’t help but notice that she looked upset, over what I don’t know. She just leaned against the wall and watched the chaos in the room. “Okay,” I say, gaining everyone's attention, “Someone help me to the locker room so I can change out of these bloody clothes.” Kelley was the first to grab my arm to help me off the table. “I’ve got dibs on helping Biggie Smalls!” she yells as we headed to the locker room.

The bus ride back to the hotel was weird, to say the least. Normally, Alex would sit next to me on the bus but she was sitting with Allie, and Kelley was sitting by me while my moms sat in front of us. It was weird because Alex still hadn’t talked to me since the beginning of the match, and that’s never happened before. I asked Kelley if she knew what was wrong with her, but of course she didn’t know shit. I sent Alex a text after the game to see what was wrong with her, but she hasn’t looked at her phone. Like I said, this bus ride was weird. When we finally reach the hotel, I head up to my room hoping to talk to her, but I guess I beat her to the room because she wasn’t here. I decided to wait for her before heading back downstairs for dinner. Jesus, where the fuck is she? Almost 45 minutes pass before I finally hear the door to the room open. Alex came in and set her things down on the table, still not looking at me. “So, are you done avoiding me or ignoring me or whatever it is you’re doing?” I ask, causing her to stop whatever she’s doing. “I’m not avoiding you or ignoring you,” she whispers. “Then what’s wrong, Alex?” I ask, confusion obvious in my tone. She sighs and stands in her spot for a moment before turning to face me. I could see how upset she was just by looking in her eyes, something was bothering her. “You scared me today...When I got to you after she punched you, your eyes weren’t open. They were closed for what felt like forever, Y/N,” she starts with her voice getting shaky and tears forming in her eyes, “Then when you sat up you were just bleeding so much, and after you got off the pitch all I wanted to do was follow you but Kelley wouldn’t let me. Throughout the rest of the match, all I could think about was getting to you.”

I look at her with wide eyes because I didn’t realize any of this. How fucking clueless am I?? Of course my girlfriend is going to be worried about me when I get hurt in a match. What a dumbass. I get up from the bed and stepped towards her, waiting for permission to touch her. When she nods with teary eyes, I pull her into a tight hug causing her to sob quietly. “I’m so sorry, Al. I’m okay, see? I’m up and moving. I’ll just have to sit out for the next friendly, but other than that I’m okay. I promise, don’t cry. I’m okay,” I say while rubbing her back. She pulls away from our hug and wipes the stray tears away from her cheeks. When she calms down, she gives me a smirk. That damn smirk. “Okay, Y/N. If you say so. I just don’t like seeing you hurt,” she says. “So, you aren’t mad at me or hate me, correct?” I ask with a goofy smile. “No, I’m not mad at you and I could never hate you, you goof,” she says while rolling her eyes at my question. “Good to know,” I say, leaning down to kiss my girlfriend. She kisses me back with as much passion as she can while being careful of my nose, bringing her hands to my face. I rest my hands on her waist, pulling her closer. I take a step back towards the bed, sitting down whenever my legs hit the mattress. Alex climbs up into my lap while she catches her breath, a smile clear across her face. I smile at her before kissing her again. My hand sneaks its way up the back of her shirt, feeling every one of her muscles with the pads of my fingers. My other hand finds its way to her thigh. She tightens her arms around my neck as I rub her leg. Before things got too heated I pull away, leaving her looking upset. “We should stop. We have training in the morning, and you have more media to get through,” I say, trying to fight the urge to keep going. She lets out a sigh, then nods her head. “You’re a tease, you know that?” she says with a smile before kissing my forehead while getting off my lap. I fall back on the bed trying to slow my heart rate. When I sit up to look at her coming out of the bathroom, my heart stops. So much for that. All thoughts of dinner are gone and I’m definitely not mad about it. Alex was wearing one of my sweatshirts and a pair of shorts, she was a beauty and she was all mine. I set my alarm as she got in bed, cuddling up next to me as soon as I laid back down. Soon we both fall asleep, in our little bubble of happiness.

8 Days Later

Alex’s POV

“Y/N, wake up,” I say while poking her cheek. That doesn’t do anything, per usual. This was our every morning, well our every morning since we started sleeping in the same bed every night. I love getting to sleep next to her, she made me feel safe in her arms and it helped me sleep throughout the night. But honestly, I swear my girlfriend was the heaviest sleeper I’ve ever met. She looked peaceful while she slept though, well besides her black and blue nose she was still sporting today. It wasn’t as bad as it has been, which is really great because that means she can get back on the pitch pretty soon. We all missed her being out there with us. I watched her sleep for a few more moments before I see her eyes slowly open. “Good morning, sleepy head,” I say causing her to give me a pretty cute, sheepish smile. “Morning, babe,” Y/N says before snuggling more into me. I laugh while trying to push her off of me. “We have to get up, Y/N. We have media all day today and we can’t miss it,” I say in a semi-serious tone. I have to admit, she was being really fucking cute right now but this wasn’t a day to act like this. “Noooo, I wanna stay in bed with you all day. It’s not fair, I’m injured. I should get to spend the day in bed with my girlfriend all day,” Y/N mumbles against my shirt. She has a point, I’d much rather spend the day in bed with her, too. She finally groans, giving up of course, and gets up to get ready. We all have to dress the same, blue shirt with our gray sweats. Y/N looked like she was hating life when we left the room, probably because she hit her nose while getting ready to leave. Poor thing.

The whole team still doesn’t know about my relationship with Y/N, only a few actually knew. I want to tell all of them but I’m always being drug off into more and more media and that keeps me from having the time to tell them. I was ready for them to know, I just needed a good time where all of us would be together. When we meet the group downstairs, Y/N goes to find Ali or Dawn for some pain medicine. I hated that she was still in pain over the whole thing and that I couldn’t really do anything to help. I go looking for Kelley and Allie before we have to get in the vans to head to Good Morning, America and the Twitter Headquarters. “How’s Y/N doing?” Kelley asks when I join her and Allie in the lobby. I look over to where my girlfriend was, laughing at something Ash said like usual. I missed that laugh over the past few days. When I’m not around I miss her and when I’m here she’s normally sleeping or with Krashlyn or her friends. I wasn’t mad that she was doing all of that because I know she hates when I’m gone all day with obligations to the team, but it doesn’t mean I didn’t miss her because I always do. “She’s doing better. I haven’t been able to be around her that much, but she says she feels better,” I say to Kelley. “You miss her on media days, don’t you?” Kelley asks with a look of concern. I sigh and look at her and Allie’s concerned faces, “Yes, but I can’t do anything about it. She knows about my responsibilities to the team. I can’t do anything about missing her. I always get to see her when I come back so that helps.” They nod to what I said. “Well I can do something about that,” Kelley says, “Hey, Biggie Smalls! Come on, you’re riding with us.” I look at Kelley in shock as my girlfriend follows us to the van.

When we get to Good Morning, America we’re greeted by a whole bunch of media so that means I can’t be as close to my girlfriend as I’d like to. Y/N seems okay though since she’s hanging out with her best friends, and also since she’s cracking jokes with Tobin and Christen. It isn’t until later when I finally get to stand next to her while we’re backstage waiting to walk out. “You okay?” I ask her since she looks like she’s in pain. “Yeah. I’m fine, babe. Nothing cuddles won’t fix later,” she answers with a smirk followed by a wink. “You’re a child,” I say back with a laugh. “Behave yourself, kiddo” Ash whispers to Y/N from behind her as we walk out on stage. The show was going really well, until one of the last questions that was directed towards me. “Alex, since your divorce from Servando Carrasco, have you met someone else?” Of all things to ask a soccer team. What has the world come to? Honestly, priorities people. Not wanting to avoid the question I say, “Umm, yes I am seeing someone. Don’t worry, they’re a soccer player too. But we’d like to keep our relationship private at this time.” That seemed to be a good enough answer for them, as they went on to ask Pinoe about our goal in the tournament and women’s soccer growth. I glance over my shoulder to look at my girlfriend, who meets my gaze. She gives me a small nod and a smile, I smile back and return my focus to what Pinoe was saying. We spent about two hours at the Twitter Headquarters after leaving Good Morning, America before heading back to the hotel to get our things for the plane ride to New Jersey. We mostly went through tweets and answered some polls for the fans, and we played some foosball made up of the whole team. It was great getting to see all of us relax and have a little fun outside of the pitch for once. We really enjoyed these type of days, it allowed us to sort of relax and have fun without having to worry about training. I watched Y/N throughout the day, seeing her smile more than she has in the past week. She lit up whenever she interacted with everyone, and her damn eyes were the light smoke color again. Fucking beautiful, no lie. 

“Today was looonnnggg,” Y/N groans loudly next to me. We just to the hotel in New Jersey, and we had about an hour before we had to go out to dinner with the team. I was sitting next to Y/N on the bed, rubbing her back. “I know, baby. How’s your nose? Do you want any pain medicine?” I ask. She rolls over and gives me big puppy dog eyes and a pout, “It still hurts pretty bad. Could I have some medicine, please?” I smile at how cute she was being, give her a quick kiss and head over to my bag for something to help with her pain. When I turn to give her the medicine, she’s already asleep of course. She sleeps more than anyone I knew, she’s worse than Kelley and that’s saying something. I set the medicine on the bedside table and set an alarm to let us know when we needed to get ready for dinner. I get in bed next to her, pulling the covers up and kissing her cheek. As I’m getting comfortable next to her, she cuddles into my chest and mumbles something loud enough for me to hear.

“I love you, Alex.”

To Be Continued

[nxrthmizu]

-Lordbug, Robin and Kitty Noir- Chapter Five: In Which Marinette Makes New Friends!

/Part One//Part Two//Part Three//Part Four//Part Five//Part Six//Part Seven//Part Eight//Part Nine//Part Ten//Part Eleven/

Description: It’s the weekend! Marinette needs to get over Lila drama (Damian is furious), so they go and hang out with other people! Luka! Kagami! 

Warnings: Curses, as usual, and Damian being a lil’ shit. Also, mentions of depression, self-harm (My poor baby Mari :( 

---

Marinette was terrified of Lila.

The girl had the entire class wrapped around her little pinky, and there was nothing that Marinette could do about that. Lila had shown her what she could be. Lila had shown her that she could destroy her entire life in a day. She was manipulative as hell, and Lila had proved it. She had turned Marinette’s entire life upside down just with a few little believable lies. Then it became more than just a few.

It had been a month now.

Lila was still constantly attacking Marinette like that. In fact, it was a miracle that Marinette hadn’t been akumatised- Hawkmoth had been quiet since his first attack.

Damian… Damian hated Lila with a fiery passion. And since Lila still didn’t know that he was a Wayne, Damian intended to use every figment of the Wayne name to destroy Lila. But he had one chance at it, and he wanted to spend the one chance wisely- To bring down the girl and protect his angel.

And one day, when Damian was in the toilet (Once again talking to Tikki because he needed to control himself- He couldn’t reveal himself until the time was right), a certain blonde got to Marinette. A certain blonde by the name of Adrien Agreste.

“Marinette,” He had called after her, seeing her sob after Lila made another lie about her being the one who threatened her to stay away from Adrien. Of course, everyone believed Lila. Every. Single. One. It was a miracle that Damian hadn’t murdered all his classmates yet, but he spent every extra second he had between doing his homework, his Robin patrols, his nightly balcony talks with his precious angel, and once in a while, after he’d forgiven them for sending to Paris (Because hey, he got to meet his angel, the girl he hoped to spend the rest of his life with) he’d text his father, along with Grayson- Plotting contingency plans (His father’s influence) on how to murder his classmates. And for each of them, he had a detailed summary of how to torture each of them to the very highest degree. He also had a mental list of every insult and assumption they each made that was absolutely wrong that they made about his angel. And how many times she had cried because of them. Due to the fact he talked to her as Damian and Robin, he had a pretty good idea of who messed up her day. And he was keeping tally. One day, he would get his revenge. He was just being really, really patient.

Alright. Back to Agreste.

The blonde had chased after his precious angel when he wasn’t looking. He had given her false hope. He’d told his angel that he believed in her (Anyone was an idiot for not doing so), and told her that he was on her side. But when she asked him if he was going to reveal Lila, he said no (What a coward).

Of course, while it wasn't really progressing at all, it lifted up Marinette’s mood. And Damian had to admit, he was jealous. How dare Agreste give his angel false hope like that? How dare Agreste, who’d stayed quiet all that time, not even defending his angel, dare talk to her? Hmm?

When he got back to class, Marinette had just entered before him. And the situation was horrible.

“Marinette! Don’t be such a jealous bitch!” Alya had screamed at her.

“Yeah, Marinette! You’re just jealous of Lila! Because she took your seat! How petty can you be, to threaten her, and ask her to stay away from Adrien?” Adrien, at that point, had shied away from the conflict, trying to talk everyone out of it. Right. The peace-maker. The very unsuccessful peace-maker.

Damian had scowled because he had heard them from outside. Marinette stood frozen in the middle of the class, taking in all the insults they were throwing at her. His eyes widened- He recognized what she was undergoing. Another panic attack.

---

Everything was just so loud. Insults from every direction. Her ears couldn’t take it. Perhaps it was because of her cat senses. The ones that wore off Plagg, onto her. It had occurred to her before- Plagg was the Kwami of destruction, after all. He was also the Kwami of bad luck. Maybe the ‘bad luck’ had passed onto her. The second she fully constructed that thought, she immediately pushed it away. Without Plagg, she’d never have become Kitty Noir. She’d never have a chance to escape from her dreary, lonely (With the exception of Damian) life, onto the life of running from rooftop to rooftop, the thrill of the wind blowing past your ears… Yes, that was the only thing she lived for, now. Along with Robin, Damian, Plagg, and her parents. Those were the only things that stopped her from killing herself.

And yeah, she’d considered it before. There was a reason that she’d suddenly started wearing large sweaters instead of her old cherry-blossom shirt and the black jacket over. It was because the sleeves were long enough to cover the cut-marks on her entire arm. Plagg would stop her, every single time. But it was only a matter of time before it got too far for the Kwami to convince her to stop, right? Then it would all be over, and the pain would all be gone.

---

When Marinette was downstairs, eating with her parents, Plagg stole his chance.

He used her phone, and immediately contacted Damian. The Kwami had memorized the boy’s number on reflex- Just in case there was one day, when Marinette got too far. Just in case there was one day, he couldn’t stop her. Just in case there was one day, when he’d have to lose his most precious cat.

“Marinette?”

Shit.

He couldn’t tell Damian that Marinette was Kitty, right?

He hung up. Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit!

But Tikki would’ve known right? Tikki would’ve seen Marinette’s phone call Damian, and his sugar cube would realize that it was him, right?

He got called back in five minutes.

“Plagg! Is it an emergency? Is it the angel?”

“It’s my kitty, sugar.” He responded mournfully. “Your holder has to do something. Whether as Robin, or as Lordbug, or as his civilian name, I don’t care! He has to do something! He has to save her! I… I can’t afford to lose another kitty, sugar. Not after Felix.”

Tikki was silent. Of course. Felix… Felix was not one to mind other’s opinions, unlike Marinette, but when he eventually fell in love with Bridgette… He cared for one person’s opinion. Hers. And when Bridgette died- As the previous Ladybug- Felix couldn’t take it. His one true love, the one he planned to ask out once his mess with Ladybug was finished- His one true love, was Ladybug, the girl he’d been lying to all that time. It was too much for him, and just like Marinette wanted to, he slit his wrists- Until Plagg couldn’t stop him. Until Plagg failed to convince him to live on. Felix went too far, and then there was no getting him back.

“What happened to Felix won’t happen again, Plagg. I promise you.” Tikki’s soft voice comforted him, and the cat Kwami- For the first time in eons, broke down in tears.

He couldn’t afford to lose another kitten.

---

“Damian! You have to do something!” Tikki insisted. She had been nagging him about it all night long, and honestly, although he didn’t want to admit it, he was a coward. What if he failed to cheer her up, with whatever he did? What if he made things worse?

Originally, he wasn’t planning to do anything. He was just going to keep supporting her as Damian, talk to her as Robin, and go on as usual. But it was when he saw her that he changed his mind. When he saw her slumped against her table, expressionless, face a void of expression- He almost saw himself. Just… Without the anger, the murder intent.

She’d lost all hope. Even whatever Agreste gave her didn’t last long.

“She’s heartbroken.” Damian sighed, slumping down against the toilet stall. His precious angel. What did she do to deserve that, anyway? 

“Maybe you should take her out tomorrow,” Tikki suggested. “It’s the weekend, and Master Fu only needs you to get groceries, and then you’re free for the entire weekend.” 

Damian nodded. He had known Marinette for about a month- But she was his angel now, and he would do anything to be her knight. 

---

“Marinette.” He called just as she was packing her things to leave for the day. This gained quite the reaction. It was the first actual time he’d called her by her name, and not her surname. 

“Um, yes?” She said looking up, feeling nostalgia because damn, those green eyes looked very familiar. 

"Do... Do you want to... Hang out for the weekend? We could discuss our homework, and then we could... Just go out and about.” He waved his hands around awkwardly as he spoke, because no, Talia did not teach him how to remain composed in front of the special angel in his life. Neither did Bruce, and growing up with three other brothers who were absolutely hopeless with their love lives did not help, either. 

She smiled at the comment, and it made his entire life suddenly worth it. She had smiled! Perhaps she was starting to feel better, and Damian swore that he would make her so happy through the weekend she'd forget all about that- Bitch- And she'd smile as brightly as she did before. 

---

“Good morning, Mr and Mrs Dupain-Cheng. I’m... Damian. Damian... Fu...?” His introduction ended with a little question. He didn’t really want anyone to know that he was a Wayne, and since Marinette had probably forgotten about his surname... Well, there was no need to tell her, either. 

“Oh, it’s so nice to meet you, Damian!” Sabine cheerily responded, and Damian immediately thought: That’s angel’s mother alright. “Marinette’s already getting ready upstairs.

In truth, Marinette didn’t want to get up. It was the weekend, and though she admitted that she felt a little guilty about not helping her parents with the bakery, she just... Couldn’t get the will to get up, to do things. 

But Plagg wouldn’t let it go. He’d nagged her until she got up, and he had tried to prep her up, commenting on what she should wear- (He had gotten a rough idea of what clothes Damian seemed to like to see Marinette wearing after getting Tikki to inquire the boy). In the end, Marinette was dressed in a cute white sweater with a smiley face- And a cute, plaited dark blue skirt. She sighed tiredly, a little reluctant to leave, but seeing Plagg get so excited about her going out did encourage her a little bit, and so she went downstairs to meet Damian. 

He had definitely made an effort. He had decked out in some casual clothes- A black sweater went over whatever shirt he was wearing under, and he had paired that up with some dark jeans and black-and-green running shoes. it was late autumn by then, and Damian had already brought a spare sweater and a spare jacket for his angel inside his backpack. 

When he saw her, he immediately smiled. There was his beautiful angel, blushing, looking simply adorable in her sweater. 

“Ready?” He smiled, watching as her hesitant eyes looked him up and down until they stopped at his outstretched hand. 

She took his hand. 

---

They were strolling by the riverside, her hand still in his. 

Her hand still in his. 

Damian was having a mental breakdown inside however much he tried to remain calm and stoic on the outside. He had no intentions of letting go of that hand, and Marinette didn’t seem to mind much, either. It was the first time since Lila came that she’d left from her house, with the exception of going to school. 

“They’re so many new shops.” She marveled quietly, looking at the shop lots littering down the river street. 

“Don’t you want to check them out? Let’s go.” He smiled, dragging her along, Tikki- Hidden in his sweater to give emergency advice- Nodding approvingly. She blushed, nodding, letting him pull her along. 

---

 “What boat is that?” Marinette had murmured, staring at a very-out-of-place ship resting in the harbor. “It looks... Very artistic.” She commented amusedly, smiling to herself. 

“Want to check it out?” Damian hummed, already pulling her in the direction. Today, he thought, he would bring her anywhere she wanted to go, let her see everything she wanted to see. 

“It’s so pretty.” Marinette breathed, staring at the ship dressed in fairy lights, decorated in the most explicit way there was. “Do you think we can go down?” She asked, turning to him, her bluebell eyes shining in excitement. 

Of course it’d be impossible to say no to his angel. 

“Hey, who are you?” 

When Damian turned around, he bristled like a cat. A boy with dyed turquoise hair was pointing suspiciously at them, and Damian had a large urge to snap ‘Do you know who I am?’, but he decided against it. 

“I’m Damian Fu, and this is Marinette Dupain-Cheng.” He said neutrally, realizing in his mind that if the boy was heading into the harbor, there was a high chance he could get the two of them onto the ship. 

“Luka, who’s that?” A girl with a hair color similar to Marinette’s came over, her face as neutrally cold as Damian’s. 

“This is Damian and... Was it Marinette?” Luka smiled at the dark-haired girl behind Damian, watching as she responded with a shy nod and smile. Damian immediately hissed again, only stopping himself when Luka gave him a strange look. “Well, I’m Luka Couffaine, and this is Kagami Tsurugi.” 

“Right.” Damian cleared his throat. “We were wondering if we could take a look around the ship?” 

Luka shrugged. “Sure. I mean, I could take you onboard. Come on.” 

---

The moment Kagami set her eyes on Marinette, she felt the urge to protect her. Marinette was small, and shy, but Kagami knew there was a lot of energy trapped underneath deep within. She just knew. 

“And this is Luka’s room. He shares it with his sister.” Kagami told her, watching as the girl marveled at the turquoise boy’s pick collection. Chuckling as Marinette looked over each one, Kagami smiled. “Yeah, he really treasures all his picks. Once, when he brought me in here, he told me the stories of how he got everyone of those picks.” 

“Wow.” Marinette awwed. “He sounds like a great guy.” 

Kagami sighed dreamily. “Yeah, he is.” 

---

While Kagami was busy taking Marinette on a tour of the ship, Luka pulled Damian aside. “Is she... Okay?” Luka struggled with his words. When he looked into her eyes, he could see the hurt, and wariness inside them when he first saw her on the harbor. “There’s this something in her eyes, like-” 

“I know.” Damian cut him off, his own eyes sorrowful. “It’s why I’m taking her out today. In hopes she’ll cheer up.” 

Luka nodded in understanding. “She looks like she needs friends.” At this, Damian immediately understood what the boy was hinting at. Feeling threatened, Damian hissed again, but not before Luka raised his hands in surrender. “Whoa. Chill out, man. I like another girl. No one’s touching your girlfriend.” 

Damian calmed down slightly, still feeling tense. “She’s not my girlfriend. She’s just a friend.” 

Pause. 

“For now.” 

“So... She’s not your girlfriend?” Luka asked in disbelief. 

Damian smirked, eyes alight. “Yet.” 

---

“Oh, I’ve heard about you.” Kagami suddenly remembered as they were sipping on some ice chocolate on the ship deck. “Adrien’s mentioned you before.” 

Damian immediately tensed up on the name, but not only he tensed up. So did Luka. 

“You know Adrien?” Marinette asked softly, her head tilted slightly in curiousity. 

“He’s in my fencing class.” Kagami explained, then lowering her voice so that the boys wouldn’t hear. “He’s pretty cute... I have a crush on him.” Damian had heard it despite the low volume that the girl spoke in, and he knew Luka heard it too. Ahh, he realized. Luka liked Kagami... But Kagami liked Adrien. 

---

“Thanks a lot for today!” Marinette beamed, having regained a little of her energy, hopping a little. 

“Please come back soon!” Luka grinned, waving. 

“See you, Luka.” Kagami smiled at the boy. “I’ve got to get home before my mom kills me.” 

“See you, Kagami!” Luka waved, a blush climbing up his cheeks. 

On the way home, Damian could feel like that the day had been worth it. Taking her hand into his abrubtly, he ignored her stare on him, and only held her hand tighter. 

“Damian?” 

He hummed in reply. 

“Thanks for today.” She blushed, fiddling with the end of her sweater with her other hand. “It was really nice of you to do so,” She continued. Taking a deep breath, she smiled at him. “You’re a really nice friend, Damian. I’m so lucky to have you.” 

---

Right. So Marinette didn’t like Damian, but she liked Robin. 

Those were the thoughts running through Robin’s head as he scampered through the city in his familiar route to his angel’s balcony. 

He smiled, pleased when he saw her, cuddled up against the balcony, waiting ever so patiently for him. 

“Angel?” He queried softly, dropping in front of her. Noticing her smile, he couldn’t help but ask: “What’s got you looking so happy today, hmm?” 

She blushed. “My friend took me out today, and I made new friends!” She told him excitedly. 

“Oh, really?” 

---

She was so much happier the day after. It showed. She was smiling, constantly giggling to herself, even when she took her seat next to him. 

“Well, you look happy.” Damian smiled, taking out his books. 

She giggled, like she had a little secret in her heart. “You want to know why?” 

He nodded. 

“A little robin came to visit me, that’s why.” She mused, blushing to herself and giggling again. 

That’s when it hit him. 

Holy shit, he was truly in love with her. 

---

I have to visit my grandparents later today, so I didn’t have the time to check this draft. Sowy :( Contact me if any mistakes are found~

I’ve hidden a lot of parallels in the series- And of course, there’s the really obvious one in this chapter- The ‘She’s just a friend’. Marinette is kind of like Adrien to Ladybug but with Robin.

(Tag list! @yin-390 @mysteriouslyswimmingfan-blo-blog @constancetruggle @the-navistar-carol @never-neverland @rayray384 @mystery-5-5 @black-streak @bluerosette23 @seraphichan @you-will-never-know-how-i-think @mikantsume @graduatedmelon @thebookwormfairy @crazylittlemunchkin @shizukiryuu @screamingtofillthevoid @serenacross200 @zestyzealot @redscarlet95 @roseinbloom02 @beautym3 @resignedcatservant @sizzling-fairy-oil @tinybrie @worlds-tiniest-spook-pastry )

There we go! Hope you enjoyed!