#ted lasso apple tv
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mothsartart · 1 year ago
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she wanted to paint his nails too :)
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historicalfictionenthusiast · 5 months ago
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If nothing else god gave us the babygirlification of Jamie Tartt
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sprqpointintern · 1 year ago
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i need them to kiss!
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ultralightpoe · 9 months ago
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Anti-hero - Roy Kent
Authors Note : Based off a request I got {Could you do a Jamie or Roy fic with a girl who feels self conscious as their date to a gala or something? Lots of fluff and comfort! If you don’t want to write it, no worries 💜} A quick reminder that you are all beautiful and truly wonderful. You all deserve the world, and I hope you all find your own Roy Kent. -Ultralightpoe
Word Count: 3,997
Warnings: self doubt. curse words
Requests: OPEN
Main Master list - - Midnights Event List
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(Thank you for the gif @50shadesofpemberlypost )
x Enjoy x
I have this thing where I get older but just never wiser
Midnights become my afternoons
When my depression works the graveyard shift
All of the people I've ghosted stand there in the room
It had been an issue for years, one that was directly caused by your mother. 
It’s not that she was a villain, and it wasn’t like she knew she was doing it anyways, it was always something that just managed to slip out of her mouth in passing moments . A quick ‘that shows your back fat’ there and a ‘are you sure you like that color? It washes you out baby’. Always said with that tone that made you rethink every decision in life. 
She did it out of love. 
But the comments she made built up, that and the pressure of school and social media building up. It all took a toll on you. You found your life mixed with new issues. Anxiety, self-doubt, depression, and you became a new person. 
It was like a shadow version of you, one that tracked how much she ate and thought about how loud she laughed and how much was too much talking. Every single move you made was tracked and overthought.
But then Roy came into the picture. 
At first you did what you usually did, you tried to speak low and not draw too much attention. Tracking how much you laughed and how much you ate. It was fine because your friend group never really realized it, they didn’t know a thing was out of place. But Roy, who had been brought by his sister, was quick to call it out. 
“Fucking stop that.” He muttered when you tried to fix your skirt, using his hand to slap yours away. “You look fucking perfect. Take a breath, yeah?”
“I just…. I’m debating the color, everyone else wore pastels and I hadn’t realized that it would be that type of party.” You admit, body hot with embarrassment as a group of girls pass you at the party. But that was the least of your worries, you had eaten too much cake and had tripped on the stairs in front of your friends. Could everyone see your makeup on your neck? Were they laughing at you-
“Do you overthink everything?” Roy blurts, catching your elbow to pull you back gently as a waiter with a heavy tray passes by. “Because I’ll tell you right now that you’re the prettiest fucking woman at this party.”
“You can’t say that at someone’s birthday party.” You laugh, stepping closer to him without realizing. “That’s one of the biggest rules. It’s like saying someone is prettier than Aphrodite. Next thing you know that person will be cursed to marry your father because the goddess hates you.”
“I’m sorry?”
“It’s…. Greek mythology. I’m not going to marry my dad. It… okay. I’ve ruined this so I am just going to-” You move away quicker than he can follow and you think that it was over. But you had not known just how determined Roy Kent was. 
Soon enough he was taking you out, one date became 4 which led to a relationship. 10 months in and you were the happiest you had ever been. He saw you, in every outfit and every mood and every way, and he loved you just as you were. 
But there was something you didn’t expect, the amount of attention that would come with dating a professional football player. It was a whole new demon in itself. 
I should not be left to my own devices
They come with prices and vices
I end up in crisis (tale as old as time)
I wake up screaming from dreaming
One day I'll watch as you're leaving
'Cause you got tired of my scheming
(For the last time)
Lunches with your mother were the worst, and yet you loved her more than anything. Today she chose an extremely fancy restaurant dressed in a Valentino outfit and her makeup to perfection as she cut her salad up with her fork and knife. 
“Oh this is dreadful.” She sighs, shaking her head. “There is barely any chicken in here. This is insane. Do you see chicken?”
“There is chicken.” Roy shrugs, narrowing his eyes a bit. Lunches with them were always such a weird dynamic considering they were exact opposites. Your mother looked for drama, she thrived off of arguing. Roy chose brutal honesty, he worked best on shutting arguments down before they could even start.  “It’s right there.”
“Oh, baby that is a terrible color on you.” She huffs, sitting the plate back down and turning her glare on you as her hand raises to call the server over. “It washes you out. What have I told you about-”
“She looks fucking stunning today.” Roy scoffs, blinking slowly. 
“It’s fine.” You whisper to him, trying to defuse the situation. 
“No, it’s not.”
“Now I read somewhere that there is a big fundraiser gala coming up, it was in the paper. I assume you both will be attending.” Your mother begins, smiling when the server starts heading over. “You should let me dress you darling. I know how you get anxious about that all and I want to make sure you look your best.”
“She’ll look bloody fantastic in anything-”
“Oh you finally decided to serve your table.” Your mother interrupts him, talking to the server and completely disregarding your boyfriend. 
He takes a moment to lean over to you, catching your eyes. “I’m about to stab my fork into my fucking eye.”
“I know.” You smile, leaning in closer to kiss his cheek which makes him growl a bit at the pda but you see the smile he fights off anyways. “We’ll be gone soon.”
“You look great and the dress you pick will be fantastic. Don’t listen to her.” He gruffs out. 
“Have you seen those posts of you two? They were commenting on your age difference and I just want you to know that I do not think you are too immature for him. Truthfully honey I am proud, I never thought you’d make it with someone so accomplished. I mean it’s not like you had many prospects.” She laughs as the server sends Roy a wide eyed look while taking her plate away leaving the table once more. 
“That’s it.” Roy snaps, slamming his silverware down on the table and pointing his finger at her. “You watch how you speak to her. She’s perfect. And she will be a bombshell at the gala.”
Your mothers face flushes, blinking at him slowly as Roy goes back to his meal like nothing happened while you fight off a smile, your foot rubbing his calf under the table in a silent thank you before you try to pull it back only for his legs to slam shut keeping your foot held there. 
He sends you a sharp look, but the corner of his mouth curves up and you know that was his way of showing his love so you take it, smiling right back at him. 
It's me, hi, I'm the problem, it's me
At tea time, everybody agrees
I'll stare directly at the sun but never in the mirror
It must be exhausting always rooting for the anti-hero
The dress you chose for the gala was perfect, you were excited to wear it and truthfully you were excited about the whole thing. This would be the first event you had ever attended with the Richmond team in the public eye, and you wanted to make a good impression. 
But your mothers words from the years rang through your head constantly as you waited for their practice to end, leaning against the wall in the hallway as you thought about everything. 
“Oh! Hello.” A angelic voice rings out, pulling your attention to Rebecca Welton coming down the hallway, making you stand up quickly. 
“Ms. Welton! Hi, hello, hey…. I’m saying hi in too many ways.” You blush, moving to shake her hand. “It’s great to see you again.”
“I was just about to say the same thing. Are you waiting for the boys?”
“I am, yeah. My car is in the shop so I need a ride.” 
“Oh lovely, will I be seeing you at the gala? I have been planning it for weeks, my ex husband used to plan it. The wanker.”
“I’ll be there. I just hope I dress well enough.” You laugh slightly, but her eyebrow raises and you panic slightly. Did everyone on this team just see right through all your shit? 
“You’ll look perfect. I wish I still had a figure like yours.”
“ANGEL!” Someone calls out before you are lifted into the arms of Danny Rojas, kissing the side of your face as he swings you around. 
“Alright. Set her down, will ya?” Roy snaps, coming around the corner and rubbing his knee as Danny sets you down quickly, kissing your cheek one more time before heading away. You lean forward and rub Roy’s knee right where you know he feels the most pain. 
“Is it hurting a lot?” You mumble, as he pulls your hand away. “Sorry, did I hurt you?”
“No, I just don’t want to moan in the middle of this hallway. Let’s go home?” Before you can even answer he is grabbing your bag and moving to take you to the car. 
Sometimes I feel like everybody is a sexy baby
And I'm a monster on the hill
Too big to hang out, slowly lurching toward your favorite city
Pierced through the heart, but never killed
Roy was in a shit mood the day of the gala, slamming cupboard after cupboard. You knew he was irritated about having to dress up and see the reporters that used to write about him all the time, and you knew in moments like this it was best to let him work through it. But sometimes you just couldn’t stay away. 
Shuffling closer, in his shirt, you wrap your arms around his center and shove your face into his back. He huffs out as he keeps swiping  the sponge against the counter, but he doesn’t push you away so you take a chance and kiss between his shoulder blades. “It’s going to be okay. What they say about you doesn’t matter.”
He sighs out, letting go of the sponge before turning around in your arms and wrapping his own around you, placing a kiss on your forehead. 
“You were young and they were assholes for that…. So fuck them.”
“Fuck them.” He repeats. 
“You’re going to walk by them in your fine ass suit with your fine ass body-”
“Please don’t objectify me.” He mumbles, but a smile is already on his lips as he leans down to kiss you deeply before pulling back. “And I will have the brightest fucking gem with me tonight.”
“Oh, c’mon.” You blush, trying to pull back but his arms are tight around you. 
“I think we need to fuck.” He huffs kisses at your face again. 
“Don’t be so crass!” You laugh, trying to escape him and shuffling you both to the bedroom right as your phone rings. “It’s my mother.”
“No. Don’t answer.”
“I have to, or she’s gonna be mad.” You answer back, watching his face turn dead serious as he looks at you. His hands come up to rub at your jaw. 
“You listen to me you little rat.” He mumbles, you fighting back a laugh at the nickname. “Don’t listen to a word she says, because you are beautiful.”
“I won’t. I promise.” You promise, kissing his lips deeply and losing yourself to the kiss for a moment before he pulls back and shuffles to continue cleaning the counter. You swipe your thumb across the screen and mumble out a “Hello mother.”
“Oh you’re there! I thought you were about to ignore my call.” She snaps through the phone. 
Did you hear my covert narcissism I disguise as altruism
Like some kind of congressman? (Tale as old as time)
I wake up screaming from dreaming
One day I'll watch as you're leaving
And life will lose all its meaning
(For the last time)
You broke your promise, and you let your mother get the best of you. 
Her words from earlier bounce around your mind as you get ready. You debate whether or not your hair looked healthy as you spray hairspray across it. Did it look greasy? Untamed? Could they see your split ends?
Was your nail polish the wrong color? Was there a patch of hair on your legs that you missed? Did the dress color wash you out? Did you look too heavy? Was it too late to cancel?
“You look…. “ Roy blinks, coming up behind you to help zip the dress. “Fuck.”
“Is that good?” You ask, biting at your lip as he leans to kiss the nape of your neck. 
“Good? You look bloody amazing.” He snaps, kissing your neck one more time before standing straight. “Now let’s go make money.”
“What are we fundraising for? I never looked into it?”
“I have no fucking clue.” 
“Right.” You laugh, turning with your hand in his as he kisses your knuckles softly. “Then let’s go make money for whatever needs money.” 
“Make a fortune.”
It's me, hi, I'm the problem, it's me (I'm the problem, it's me)
At tea time, everybody agrees
I'll stare directly at the sun but never in the mirror
It must be exhausting always rooting for the anti-hero
Your lip was worn down from the amount you had been biting it. 
Walking up to the gala you saw a red carpet with dozens of flashing cameras and begin to panic as you get closer, your hand tightening in Roys as he stands straighter. You would not be able to handle the cameras and see your picture all over the internet. What would people say? They would trash you, oh how bad would it be?
But Roy, ever the perfect man, simply held your hand tight and walked across the red carpet with a confidence that made your skin hot. He muttered to each that called his name, his voice deep and uncaring. “No. No. Fuck you. Fuck off. Fuck no.”
A smile blooming across your face as you let him lead you into the building where everyone is walking about with drinks in their hand. 
“I’m going to go get us drinks. Your usual?” He asks, waiting for your nod before heading in the direction of the bar leaving you standing there to take a look around. 
You took your chance to look around at everyone around you, smiling at anyone you make eye contact with. The anxieties began rising, as every gorgeous female passed you in their perfect dresses. Was your dress cheap looking? Did you look pathetic?
You were caught up in your thoughts as Jamie approached with his date, a model that introduces herself with a hug that makes you sniff caramel, leaving you with a crater in your chest as you look at her perfection. Jamie talks about the gala, looking around at everyone as a flash makes you blink, all three of you turning to the person that just took your picture. 
“The actual fuck?” Jamie scoffs, staring at him. “We were having a conversation, ye?”
“Sorry.” The man nods, moving to walk off and bumping into Nate with another apology. “Didn’t see you.”
“Hi Nate.” You smile, trying to seem calm when he walks up. “You look great.”
“Thank you! Mr. Lasso actually bought me this suit.”
“Who?” You blink, trying to see who he had been talking about. It wasn’t meant to be a snappy or snide comment, you had yet to be introduced to the new coach and the name didn’t ring a bell at first. But the second you saw the man with the mustache owning the crowd not far off you knew who Nate was talking about. 
But when you turn back to Nate you see a glare set on his features, his cheeks a little red as he blatantly looks away from you. “You look great, Jamie. You as well Keeley.”
Then he walks off, bumping into you harshly as he passes which makes the blonde look at you with wide eyes as Jamie excuses himself for another drink. 
“Oh, that was extremely rude of me. I shouldn’t have asked about the coach- that was-”
“What are you talking about?” She blinks, looking extremely confused. “You didn’t do anything wrong?”
“Here you are.” Roy grunts, handing you the chilled glass. “Keeley.”
“Hello Roy.” She smiles before Jamie whistles to pull her over. 
“Did he just call her like she was a dog?” You ask Roy as she walks over, and he shrugs. 
“He’s a wanker. Always has been and always will be.” Roy grunts out, rolling his eyes. “He doesn’t ever pass the ball. And he is a massive tool. You should hear some of the things he says to-” He begins to explain as you try to smooth out your dress before his hand shoots out to stop you. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.” Your answer was too quick, his eyes narrow and he catches it. 
“What happened?”
“I just…. I think I upset Nate because I asked to Lasso was and I didn’t mean to and everyone here looks amazing. But I’m fine. Everything is fine.” 
“Did that little fuck say something?”
“No. It’s fine Roy. Everything is fine.” You smile, leaning forward to kiss his lips which he allows before moving back and holding his hand knowing he doesn’t like pda.  “Let’s go find our seats?”
I have this dream my daughter in-law kills me for the money
She thinks I left them in the will
The family gathers 'round and reads it and then someone screams out
"She's laughing up at us from hell"
“Hello Roy, you handsome devil you.” A southern voice rings out, walking up to where you and Roy were seated together. “And what pairs so well with a handsome devil? An angel.”
“The devil is technically… well historically the devil is an angel.” You blush, immediately feeling stupid as the fun fact slips from your lips. “Well, I mean- I’m sorry that was stupid.”
“Stupid? Absolutely not. I feel ashamed that I didn’t know it.” He laughs, leaning to shake your hand. “My name is Ted, all my friends call me Ted which means you must.”
“It’s wonderful to meet you. Roy was telling me about all the new techniques at your practices.” You smile, making your boyfriend shake his head. 
“I said nothing good.” Roy huffs.  
“He said everything good.” You smile which makes Ted smile back. 
“You both look fantastic. Have a drink on me, since it’s an open bar.” Ted jokes, moving to walk away as Roy places his hand on your lower back. 
“Why the fuck would you tell him that I said good things?” He huffs and your stomach drops. 
“I’m sorry. It was just teasing and you do always say great things about him so-”
“Take it easy. You are fine.” He shakes his head. “Are you okay?”
You hadn’t noticed but your fists had clenched and your nails were digging into your skin, his own fingers were quick to make you release the hold and rub his thumb over the crescent marks left on your skin before bringing your hand up to kiss your palm. 
“I thought you hated pda.” You whisper, leaning so your foreheads were pressed together as he pretended to roll his eyes. 
“Fuck it. I have a gorgeous date and I deserve to kiss her in public.” 
“Are you sure? It’s a big move for you.”
“Have you seen yourself? Prettier than the goddess aphrodite.” He smiles and your eyes widen. 
“How. Dare. You! What have you done? I’m going to have to marry my dad now. Roy, how could you have done this to me?” You laugh, shaking your head. “I also cannot believe you remember that from almost a year ago.”
“Of course I remember.” He blinks. “That was the first conversation I had with the love of my life. Who would forget that?”
“Oh knock it off.” You mumble, shaking your head. 
“Knock it off? Knock what off?” He snaps. “Do you realize how fucking lucky I was that day? The day you looked at me? My life was made. The second best day of my life.”
“Second?”
“Second. My niece’s birth is the first.” 
“I’m fucking honored.” You laugh, smiling from ear to ear. 
“Did you just cuss?”
“I did. I’m sorry. My mother would kill me.” You blush. 
“Can I be honest with you for a second?”
“When are you not?”
“Fuck your mother.” He blurts, which makes your eyes widen. “I hate her. I think she is miserable and you are far fucking prettier than aphrodite and you don’t have to worry about the goddess making you marry your dad because I will be marrying you. No goddess or god could keep me from you.”
“Oh yeah?”
“You’re stuck with me. And I need you to stop being to fucking mean to yourself. You hear me?” He asks seriously. “Because that’s the love of my life you are talking about.” 
“I can try.” 
“Good. Now lets get another round and wait this fucking gala out. Then lets go get actual food because I know you skipped lunch.”
“Sounds like a plan.” You smile before a flash blinds you once more, making you both whirl to the man with the camera. 
“You fucker-” Roy begins to stand as he dashes off. 
It's me, hi, I'm the problem, it's me
It's me, hi, I'm the problem, it's me
It's me, hi, everybody agrees, everybody agrees
You both end up at a late night potato stand, sitting on one of their benches as you both laugh at the memory of the auction that had taken place. 
“A fucking grandma bid on me. You know how embarrassing that was?”
“Hey! I bid on you too!” You laugh, body shaking from laughing so hard. “And Keeley!”
“Keeley was pissing that little wanker off.” He huffs, rubbing your thigh gently as you keep his blazer wrapped around you. “Thank you for coming with me tonight.”
“Thank you for bringing me. I am sorry I upset Nate-”
“Stop saying sorry. You have nothing to be sorry for.” He mumbles, leaning to dig his spoon into your baked potato and take a big mouthful of it. “Fuck. That is good.”
“You say that about anything I get! You always do this!” You laugh, pretending to pull the potato away. 
“You always choose better!”
It's me, hi (hi), I'm the problem, it's me (I'm the problem, it's me)
At tea (tea) time (time), everybody agrees (everybody agrees)
I'll stare directly at the sun but never in the mirror
It must be exhausting always rooting for the anti-hero
“Fuck!” You wake up to the sound of Roy yelling from the kitchen, rushing to wrap yourself in the sheet left on the bed from last night as your feet pad across the floor to find where he is at. 
You find him sitting on the couch with a cup of coffee, glaring at his laptop, until he sees you coming out of the bedroom in just a sheet. 
“Fuck.” Unlike his last curse this one is said with a lusty tone, setting the coffee down as you come closer to the couch and move to sit by him. 
“What’s got you so mad, handsome?”
“They posted a picture of me and they said I’m retired. What fucks.”
“Is it a bad idea? To be retired?” You ask, moving to straddle him before he can pull an attitude. “You would have more time with me. More time to hang out and cuddle and sleep and…. You can finish the rest.” 
“.....Fuck.”
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booasaur · 2 years ago
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Ted Lasso - 3x04
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its-a-show-stoppin-number · 8 months ago
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Jamie: I think I’m in love with Roy
Isaac: Seriously?
Jamie: Yeah, thoughts?
Isaac: And prayers, you're gonna need them.
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deardarlingthings · 2 years ago
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221b-sociopath-street · 1 year ago
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Ted Lasso boys Barbie-way 😍💖
Girls here
Boys pt. 2
Dimond dogs
RoyJamie
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ironpool99 · 2 years ago
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Maybe, just maybe, Roy and Jamie aren't going to get together. However, I do not believe that anyone told Phil Dunster and Brett Goldstein that, cause the way they are acting their hearts out in these Roy and Jamie scenes, I can't cope with it.
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mothsartart · 1 year ago
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bro…. what’d you say to make him look at you like that
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historicalfictionenthusiast · 5 months ago
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Ted Lasso; the poster child of “cheesy premise, emotionally devastating product” since 2020
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sprqpointintern · 2 years ago
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this episode was just an hour of me crying 😭
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booasaur · 2 years ago
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Ted Lasso - 3x05
Bonus:
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catalvarezs · 2 years ago
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royjamie, trent crimm the gay mentor™, the richmond boys being peak himbo energy, coach beard lore, ted strategizing, tedrebecca snippets, gay besties colin and trent, will kitman, amsterdam was truly the gift that kept giving <333333
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ultralightpoe · 1 year ago
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Bejeweled - Jamie Tartt
Authors Note: I have been trying to find any sort of energy to post and get out of bed. Got so close to giving up on life itself and I'm barely back, please bare with me as I try to find my way out of my depression hole I have dug for myself everyone. I know it's been a minute but life has been kicking my ass. Be patient with me - Ultralight
Word Count: 4454
Warnings: i dont think any
Apart of my MIDNIGHTS EVENT. (Next Event is Sour by Olivia Rodrigo. Requests closed. Event following yet to be decided)
SOUR EVENT
MAIN MASTERLIST
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Enjoy!
Baby love, I think I've been a little too kind
Didn't notice you walking all over my peace of mind
In the shoes I gave you as a present
Puttin' someone first only works when you're in their top five
And by the way, I'm going out tonight
Diamonds can dull if not taken care of properly, they can accumulate dust and grime, the shine from the gem being lost amongst the age of the years. You were raised by a grandmother that taught you the most important thing a little girl could know, never ever EVER let a man dull your shine.  
She would lecture you on this as she showed you her jewelry collection, showing you all seven of her engagement rings through the years. The first had been a diamond pear cut with a silver band, given to her by the young salesman that had promised her the world from his office on wall street.
She packed her bags and took the ring the day he slept with his receptionist.
You would wear the diamond ring 10 years later when you met Jamie Tartt, and oddly enough you would be wearing it the day you found out he was cheating. 
-
Maybe it was your fault. Maybe Jamie had strayed from your bed because of you. 
Not because you were bored in bed or because you didn’t give him enough attention, no. Maybe you gave him TOO much attention, you let him forget who you were. You were a fucking diamond.
Diamond of the season as Bridgerton would say. 
You always kept your lovers on a leash, and when they strayed you proved to them just what they would be missing, but you had trusted Jamie as stupid as that was. You had been waiting for an engagement ring, getting your nails done religiously just in case you needed to take a picture. 
You stared at your nails now, as you scrolled through the twitter feed, seeing him leave her flat with lipstick on his cheek and his shirt still unbuttoned. 
Your grandmother would be so disappointed in you. You were better than this. 
And you would be. 
But you had to play your cards right. If Jamie Tartt thinks he can get away with screwing over a gem like yourself then you would just have to show him what a fool he was, and that began with a smile. 
You smiled at him when he came home, all dolled up as he lit up at the sight of you, making it seem like you hadn’t been waiting at the stairs for the sound of his keys and just naturally caught him on your way out. 
“Y/n? Love? Where are you headin’?” He asks, moving closer to you for a kiss. You kissed him back easily, this would only work if he didn’t know that you knew. 
“Just to the club with some friends.” You smile, giving him a twirl in your short dress. 
“What friends?” He mumbles casually, far too casually as his eyes roamed over you slowly. You knew his game and you knew that his casual act was far from the truth, inside he was panicking about you going out in this.
“Oh, just Brent and Jordan.” You shrug, leaning in to kiss his cheek before disappearing from sight. 
-
“You’re new here.” The stranger smiles cheekily at you as he walks up, admiring you without a second of hesitation, not even bothering to hide his eyes drifting to your chest. “I would recognize a beauty like ya’.”
“Oh I am sure you say that to all the girls.” You smile, giving him an airy look you knew would hook him quickly. It works, he gives you a lopsided grin that tells you he is ready to play your game. 
“Who’re your bodyguards over there?”  He nods his head to the direction of your friends Brent and Jordon, both of which you had been flirting with all night. 
“Oh, just some friends.”
“They don’t look like friends.”
“What’s it to you?” And there it is, the jealous look in his eyes that tells you the sex is going to be good. Hook…..Line……
“What are ya’ drinkin, lovey?” 
“Whatever you buy me.” You giggle, moving your hand to touch his elbow expertly, keeping your touch light and your smile easy. 
He blushes a bit at it, moving to the stool across from you and holding his hand out. “Your name?”
“Y/n. Yours.”
“I’m Jamie fucking Tartt.” His voice is smug, and his eyes are gleaming. This poor fool had no idea what he just got himself into. 
“And what can you do for me, Jamie?”
“I thought the sayin’ was what can I do for you?”
“Why would I ask that when I already know I can give everything.” And sinker. 
-
Best believe I'm still bejeweled
When I walk in the room
I can still make the whole place shimmer
And when I meet the band
They ask, "Do you have a man?"
I can still say, "I don't remember"
Familiarity breeds contempt
Don't put me in the basement
When I want the penthouse of your heart
Diamonds in my eyes
I polish up real, I polish up real nice
She let you try on the second engagement ring when your fingers were still too tiny to actually keep it on, laughing when you’re young eyes widened as it sparkled in front of you, amazed by the piece even if you were too young to truly understand what it meant. 
She told you the story of the second man that proposed to her, the one that owned his own business in London which is the reason she moved there in the first place, she told you how he whisked her away and how she ended up moving in with him after a month of knowing him. The way she described his apartment was nothing but luxury and the emerald necklace she showed you that went with the ring screamed money. 
You would learn the term blood money later in life. 
But then she told you about his actual wife, the one he let live in the mansion nestled in the countryside that he never spoke of while he hid mistresses away in apartments along the city promising to marry them while he bestowed jewels to them. 
She wore the ring and the necklace the day she left him, having his valet back all her suitcases into a car and driving her to the far side of the city where her one and only friend in London lived. 
You wore the set on your third date with Jamie, and then you wore it again the day he embarrassed you. 
-
The necklace and ring paired nicely with the gala gown that Rebecca and Keeley helped you pick out, both girls fawning over you the second they saw you show up to the event. 
“You look right fucking fit!” Keeley gushes, eyeing you up and down as Rebecca smiles. “A gorgeous color, and that necklace is absolutely stunning.”
“You should see the ring.” You smile, holding up your hand and letting them gawk. “Famly heirlooms darlings.”
“I don’t know if I want you or I want to be with you.” Keeley whispers, “you made my lower parts like throb-”
“Keeley!” Rebecca gasps, a laugh tearing from all three of you before a hand nestles itself on your hip. 
“Let’s head to our seats, ye love?” Jamie asks, pulling you away before you could actually answer. You were a bit irritated with him, ever since finding out he cheated a week ago you found yourself sick to look at him. 
And he hadn’t complimented you once this evening. Fucking fool. 
But you kept your mouth shut, this was the long game here. You smiled at him, and let him know how handsome he was. It would all be worth it. 
You kept reminding yourself of this during the auction, watching dozens of women bid on Danny Rojas as Keeley motioned for you to look at your phone. You ignore her at first, until she gets Roy to do it as well and you finally give in. 
K; See that goddess in the corner? Blue dress with the massive tits?
Y; Could have just said blue dress
K; She is Jamie’s date
Y; But I’m Jamie’s date
K; So is she. 
Game. Fucking. On. 
You risk one more look to the girl as Jamie is called up, allowing him to kiss your cheek quickly before waltzing himself up and standing proudly as the bidding starts. 
You let her bid back and forth with the girl in the yellow dress towards the front, wondering if yellow dress was another date of his as he gives you an odd look from the stage, drinking your champagne easily. When he gets back you catch a whiff of his cologne, the one you bought him for christmas, while he leans in. 
“Why didn’t ye bid on me, love?”
“Figured I would give another lucky lady some time with you.” You smile, leaning to rub his shoulder. He nods happily, enjoying your answer while your mind flashes back to the photos of him coming out of her apartment. 
He couldn’t even bother wiping off her lipstick from his lips and cheek. 
So when Sam goes up you raise your hand, meeting Jamie’s eyes with that same airy smile you gave him when you met, calling out “2,000 pounds”
And the look on Jamie’s face makes the moment so fucking worth it.
-
“Jesus fuckin’ Christ-” Jamie blurts when he walks up to your door, eyes widening as a red tint covers his neck and cheeks. “Fuck- sorry- lords name in vain and all that but I think I might just die a happy bloke right here.”
“It’s not too much?” You ask, smoothing out the sides as you try to relax your racing heart. This was the first time you were nervous for a date, this was the first time you actually wanted the date to go somewhere because Jamie Tartt was one hell of a man. 
He was sweet and caring, he held doors open for you and talked to you about football with so much passion your heart burned……and he was a god in bed. 
“Never too much, you’re like a fuckin’ Aphrodite brought to life.” He mumbles, eyes never leaving yours as he holds out his arm for you to grab onto. You admire his look then, placing your hand in the crook of his elbow as your gaze travels the tux he wore.
For a brief moment you find yourself excited at the fact that his tie matched your dress perfectly without the two of you planning it in advance. Like an omen that you were meant to be, and you can’t help but thinking that your grandmother would laugh at that statement. 
She wasn’t here, and you were too busy smiling as Jamie led you to the restaurant like you were a princess. 
-
Baby boy, I think I've been too good of a girl (too good of a girl)
Did all the extra credit, then got graded on a curve
I think it's time to teach some lessons
I made you my world (huh), have you heard? (Huh)
I can reclaim the land
And I miss you (I miss you)
But I miss sparkling (ah, hey)
The oval cut Garnet ring with the silver band came next, from the artist she met in that small apartment building. He drew her millions of times, filling his sketchbook with her dancing and posing until he was able to draw her out of memory. 
He pawned his fathers pocket watch for the ring, proposing to her in the middle of lovemaking as he demanded the stars pay her what they owe her. But then he disappeared, stopped coming home and she couldn’t find him. 
Just when she had begun wondering if he was cheating the police had knocked on the door asking if she had seen him. Turned out the pocket watch he pawned wasn’t his but his bosses, as well as the 4,000 he had stolen from the safe the same night he stole the watch. 
She told the police she was house sitting for him, and the second they were out of sight she packed and bolted with the ring. 
You wore it the night you first said I love you, and again when told him your biggest lie. 
“Oh you should have seen it, Y/n. Fuckin’ Nate had no words. We all gave him one hell of a show, glarin and just being downright nasty on the field.” Jamie brags, pacing back and forth in your kitchen as you wiped down the counters for something to do while he rambled on. 
Normally you would be hanging on to his every word, asking about it and actually giving a shit. But today? All you could think about was her. 
Was the women in the blue dress the women from the apartment? Or were they different? How many women were there? How long has he been doing this? A month, a week or years? Should you get tested for anything?
“-oy, you okay?” Jamie asks, concern laced across his face as he comes up to rub you back carefully, bending down to look in your eyes. 
“I’m fine,” You lie, nodding quickly. “Just a little sick.”
“Let’s get you to bed, yeah?” You let him, enjoying the caring side of him as he tucks you in and puts a glass of water beside your bed. He sits beside you for a moment, rubbing your cheek carefully as he watches you. “I’ll be in the living room. You’ll call me if ya need me, ya?”
“Yeah.” You nod, closing your eyes gently as he leans down to kiss your forehead, hating the way your heartbeat through your chest. 
“I love you.” He whispers. 
“I love you too.” You whisper back, feeling sick at how empty the words were, and how easy the lie slipped from your lips. 
You hadn’t planned on saying it to him that night, the dizziness of it all just got the best of you. 
Jamie had snuck you into the richmond field in the middle of the night, both of you laughing and slipping in the wet grass as you tried to play a crappy game of soccer. 
Sure your outfit was ruined but you had been smiling so much your cheeks hurt, ribs aching from laughing too much and your heart 2 seconds from exploding every time he touched you. 
By the time you both tire out, him swinging his arm around your shoulders and snatching the ball up easily while trying to catch his breath, he leads you out to the parking lot. It’s there you say it, in the dimness of the broken light, your cheeks heated from nervousness as well as the workout. 
“I think I love you.” You blurt, watching him stop quickly, whipping to look at you with wide eyes. “No. I do. I know I love you.”
A moment of silence follows and you begin to think you’ve blown it, getting ready to rush off out of pure embarrassment, when a smile cracks out on his face and he rushes forwards to kiss you passionately. 
“I love you too.” He murmurs as he cradles your jaw, lips grazing your own. 
Best believe I'm still bejeweled
When I walk in the room
I can still make the whole place shimmer
And when I meet the band
They ask, "Do you have a man?"
I can still say, "I don't remember"
The factory worker with the easy smile came next, and after 4 months of dating he popped out a black diamond ring with a black band on it, the darkest in the collection which should have shown what was too come. 
She never liked to talk about that one often, and she never let you touch it, as if the ring itself could ruin your life in an instant. 
And you truly believed it could. 
All you knew from that time in her life was that she left bloodied and battered, leaving during the day while he was at work, where she would head to a co workers flat waiting for him when he got home and trying not to cry as he cleaned the cuts. A week later she would take the pregnancy test, that was all you needed to know. 
The ring sat in the red velvet box your grandmother had put it in when she took it off, and it would stay in that box where you would not see it. Except for the two times it nearly escaped. 
“Hey Y/n?” Jamie calls from the room down the hall, drawing your attention from the project you had been working on as you wait for him to keep going, when he doesn’t you sigh out and stand to go find where he was summoning you. 
“Yes?”
“Have you seen my lucky knee pad?”
“Shouldn’t they be in your bag?” You ask, moving to check the said bag where he had laid it in your shared bed. The zipper moved easily as you began searching throughout it. 
“Do you think I would be searching the room if it was in there?” He snaps, and as he swings to glare at you his hand hits the jewelry box on your dresser, sending it tumbling down and the cap of the cursed velvet box flying, the ring sliding across the floor right in front of your foot. 
You stare at it like it’s a bomb, breathing heavy as it gleams up at you. Jamie watches for a moment before he sighs out. “Just pick it up will ya? Won’t bloody hurt you.”
You roll your eyes, ignoring the comment and turning back to the bag where you pull out the lucky knee pad, making him groan. “I swear it wasn’t there when I checked.”
“Just pick up the mess you made.” You grunt out, putting the knee pad on top of the bag and rushing out of the room to go shower. 
The day you move in with Jamie is spent with cheap dancing music that makes you both laugh and dozens of boxes to unpack. Instead of tag teaming your shared boxes in your new shared apartment you both decide to do one box at a time, working as a team. 
Because why be efficient when you are in love?
By the time he gets to the box holding your jewelry he spots the velvet box, reaching in and pulling it out before you notice. By the time you turn to see he already has the lid fully off and the ring pinched between his thumb and forefinger. 
“I don’t think I have ever seen a black diamond.” He murmurs, holding it up to the light as you chuck a pillow at his face. It hits him square on and he gives you an incredulous look as you begin pointing at the ring. 
“Put that thing back in the box, hide it deep in the jewelry box and go wash your hands!” You order, making him blink in shock before he does as told, coming back with wet hands and a small smile. 
“I know it sounds crazy but-”
“I have superstitions too.” He shrugs, moving closer to kiss you softly. “That ring was fucking ugly anyways.”
Familiarity breeds contempt
Don't put me in the basement
When I want the penthouse of your heart
Diamonds in my eyes
I polish up real, I polish up real nice
The pink diamond came from a mistake she wasn’t willing to admit. 
Moments of panic and loneliness have a way of making humans confuse many things for love, she had shown up bruised and broken and she thought her coworker had mended her. 
He was kind, and he was gentle. They got along well and he was very supportive of her keeping the child in the pregnancy. He was safe…..but they weren’t in love. 
She tells you of the conversation she had with him, 3 months pregnant and wearing an engagement ring. They talked about how they went too fast, she told him she wanted to be a mother first and foremost. 
They said goodbye, he told her she could keep the ring. 
He would later be the baby's godfather, and he visited every christmas. 
There were two christmases that actually mattered. 
Jamie missed Christmas dinner with your family that year, not that you minded since all you had been silently hoping for was a break. Just a little longer…. You reminded yourself. The long game. 
But as you marched up the path to your parents home you found yourself breathing out a sigh of relief, home. Home was right here and you would be safe to show your pain. 
Your great uncle is the first to notice said pain, nodding you over to talk to you. 
“You’re grandmother raised you right,” He tells you. “And if she were here she would not let you stand to be in pain.”
“I know.” You mumble back, nodding your head quickly. “I’m working on it.”
The year you brought Jamie home for Christmas was a year full of chaos, one where you had been rushing around in a panic, nervous and anxious about your family not liking him. And it had all gone wrong so far. 
The ham was burnt and the tree managed to catch on fire. Both your bags had been lost in transit so you both were forced into the ugliest sweaters you had seen and you thought Jamie would bolt. 
But he merely grabs your hands softly to stop your pacing, kissing your knuckles and peering up at you. “We’ll be alright, yeah?”
“Yeah.” You nod, smiling back at him as your great uncle walks in, giving you a nod of approval when Jamie can’t see. You ease up then, you had nothing to worry about, Jamie would win them over no problem. 
Sapphire tears on my face
Sadness became my whole sky
But some guy said my aura's moonstone
Just 'cause he was high
The 6th ring had been a simple silver band given to her by the neighbor that claimed she was aphrodite reborn. They had talked 3 times before he gave her the ring and though it never actually counted as a proposal she claimed it did since he had said “I’ll get you the diamond when I prove to you we’re meant to be.”
He lost interest after 3 weeks, she didn’t mind. 
You always used to wear the band when you wanted a good laugh, but as of recently you couldn’t find any humor in it as you left it in the box.  You were beginning to lose energy for all happiness in general. 
And we're dancin' all night
And you can try to change my mind
But you might have to wait in line
What's a girl gonna do?
A diamond's gotta shine
The seventh and final engagement ring had been given to her by a nervous accountant who acted like she had torn the stars from the sky. He was a shy and nervous man, blushed everytime she looked at him, but there had been a spark like no other.  This would be the first ring she would accept with her future planned out, no way of living without him. This had been her lovematch. 
It had been sapphire, her birthstone. She had worn it for three months. 
You wore it the day you met his mistress. 
The apartment was quite nice, and as you took a look around you couldn’t help the anxiety that built through you as she watched you from the couch. 
“He told me he was leaving you.”
“Of course he did.”
“He said neither of you were happy.”
“Not anymore.” You smile, everything in you easing. “But it’s almost over.”
 - 
Best believe I'm still bejeweled
When I walk in the room
I can still make the whole place shimmer (shimmer)
And when I meet the band
They ask, "Do you have a man?"
The last and final ring in the collection hadn’t been an engagement ring, rather a wedding ring. Your grandmother had worn it since the day she got it to the day she died, passing it down to you.  A simple pearl ring that stopped your breath short every time. 
She wore it the day she gave birth to your mother, claiming it gave her strength. She wore it the day of your grandfather's funeral and your mothers as well. 
You wore it the day of her funeral and had been saving it ever since. This would be the ring you wore the day you decided to leave him. 
You waited up, your biggest mistake of it all since you already knew he wouldn’t be home for awhile. 
He would claim it was the game, you would know the truth, he would not feel bad about lying to your face. 
You twisted your grandmother's ring on your finger. It was time. 
 - 
I can still say, "I don't remember"
Familiarity breeds contempt
Don't put me in the basement
When I want the penthouse of your heart
Diamonds in my eyes
I polish up real (nice), I polish up real nice
He proposed with a ruby ring, after years of waiting and it finally happened. You took the ring, kissed him softly and a week later you left a letter on the table explaining it all as you left. You took your clothes and jewelry with you, leaving the pain behind with him. 
You were a fucking jewel, this he would not forget
- . 
And we're dancin' all night
And you can try to change my mind
But you might have to wait in line
What's a girl gonna do? What's a girl gonna do?
I polish up nice
Best believe I'm still bejeweled
When I walk in the room
I can still make the whole place shimmer
You wore your grandmother's wedding pearl wedding ring on your left hand the day you gave birth, and on your right held the engagement ring Jamie had given you. 
When your daughter was old enough you would show her your collection, telling her your grandmother's history all the way up to the ruby ring, where you would tell your own story, all the while wearing the ring you bought yourself, with the dahlia diamond. 
You were a jewel, and just as your grandmother taught you…..never ever EVER let a man dull your shine.
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its-a-show-stoppin-number · 6 months ago
Text
Isaac: Happy gay month cause you know you gay and stuff
Colin: Okay, thank you Isaac
Isaac: Here you go gay balloon cause it got all the colors cause it's gay
Colin: Isaac-
Isaac: and I got skittles cause it got a rainbow on it
Colin: Okay
Isaac: and I got the cookie cake it says “be who you are”
Colin and Isaac: for your pride
Colin: Thanks, this is my Pride Month- why did you do this? Why are you doing this?
Isaac: why cause you're gay
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