#and maybe im taking it a bit to the extremes
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— emo beomgyu as tate langdon
pairings: emo beomgyu x fem reader
plot: random headcanons of tate langdon beomgyu x fem reader
warnings: mentally ill/lovesick oreo gyu (my brand), sweet reader (also my brand), reader is also a little bit unwell, coquette reader (my brand sorry guys), ghost beomgyu, watered down tate langdon beomgyu basically, characters are virgins, faint smut
you absolutely hated your new house. you hated how dark and gloomy everything was. what was your parents’ obsession with the color black anyway? you preferred to be in the walls of your pretty pink bed room more than anything now because of the new area.
you also would hear faint footsteps and maybe people talking coming from your attic but whatever you were probably just hearing things “i think i have mommy issues” beomgyu randomly inquires to the hidden ghosts around the house. “you guys know a therapist?”
if you weren’t a scaredy cat then you can definitely consider yourself one now with the way your heart jumped out of your chest at the sight of an unknown male in your living room. “a-and you are?” you ask with a shaky voice, cursing yourself for having anxiety. “im beomgyu, your dad’s my therapist” the oreo haired male replies with a small smile making you relax a bit.
from that day on beomgyu knew he was enchanted by you, always bringing you up to your father hoping for any little information about you. “are you ready to talk about to talk about your relationship with your mother?” “your daughter’s over eighteen right?” “yes but what exactly does that have to do with your mother?”
beomgyu liked to watch you throughout the house, you were so different compared to him. the way you wore pink and collected plushies really just made the emo boy like you more.
beomgyu couldn’t help himself when he saw you laying peacefully on your bed reading the manga nana he thought you looked so sweet and vulnerable. “can i read with you?” his smile grew at your scared face, “did i scare you? your dad said i could hangout with you after our session” lie but whatever
beomgyu would use trauma dumping as a way of getting closer to you; at first you thought that was a bit weird but you brushed it off.
the boy was extremely emo but that’s okay because you liked how he was in touch with his emotions. you thought beomgyu was so cool and emotional mature
when you found out you beomgyu never received a gift before you immediately went to your front yard cutting fresh flowers. “i painted it black, i know you don’t like normal things” you hand a black painted rose to beomgyu this action making him stammer out a “you’re the first girl to get me a flower”
you were shocked when beomgyu opened up about being a ghost to you; “why didn’t you tell me sooner?”“because how does one exactly tell somebody that ‘hey im a ghost wanna hookup?”’
definitely into soft sex and the nurturing type. praising you and trying his best to pleasure you even if he’s a loser virgin too :( “did it hurt? i heard losing your virginity as a girl usually does” beomgyu would ask you with his puppy eyes genuinely worried he hurt you
on halloween he takes you to the beach, beomgyu doesn’t really like swimming much less the ocean but he thinks the beach is peaceful at night
he would definitely be the little spoon but if you were having a bad day he would rush to big spooning you; letting you use him as a human teddy bear/tissue
definitely a homebody (not like he had much of a choice), you two would watch twilight on loop while listen to his favorite bands such as the neighborhood, arctic monkeys and nirvana
beomgyu is the over protective type when he finds you’ve been bullied in highschool he goes ballistic and lures your tormenters into the house and scares them into leaving you alone with the house’s supernatural elements.
at first you were a bit frightened at what beomgyu did but nonetheless you thanked him with a hug, you thought beomgyu going as far as attacking the people who hurt you was the most romantic thing ever
definitely steals your dad’s credit cards to get you gifts delivered to the house, because if they wanted they would
beomgyu was insecure at times needing your reassurance; “are you planning on leaving me? you’re all i want and all i have you know” “i’ll leave you alone if that’s what you want” his teary eyes bore into yours before you gently run your fingers through his hair reassuring him that you loved him ):
a/n: it’s tate langdon ahs fall season until december 1st idc
#lyrical’s garden 💒#coquette#txt#txt headcanons#txt imagines#txt x reader#txt reactions#txt hard hours#txt hard thoughts#txt smut#txt fluff#yandere txt#txt fanfic#txt headers#txt beomgyu x reader#txt beomgyu
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warlock wizard Wally scribbles... Thinkings! oh and a bonus bard-ish Barnabys in the corner for flavor
outfit ramblings:
first of all that is a Terrible rendition of what Home looks like in my head. i just needed to fill empty space </3
the staff was the toughest part honestly. bc it Had to be paintbrush-themed, but then halfway through scribbling i was like "oh shit. there are only so many ways to draw a paintbrush-wizard-staff and Weevmo already hit it out of the park." so if you're seeing similarities! you're right! i tried to make it as different as i could! there is Inspiration from their marvelous design, however accidental or subconscious! Apologies!
he gets a pointed hood instead of a hat because a) it looks great on him! and b) it has less of a chance of messing up his hair! also c) it helps muddle the difference between Wizard and Warlock. typically hoods have evil/duplicitous connotation - blur the lines! i want his long gloves and forearm wraps to have the same vibe. his neckerchief is a big help in hiding Home's seal!
his layered (loosely apple-themed) capelet (which the hood is attached to) has a nice high collar & hides the details of his loose shirt - eye embroidery! and some flowers on the shoulders but yk, mostly eyes. on one side of the shirt buttons has open eyes, the other side they're closed! there's also one big eye on his back!
his belt buckle is two halves of an apple! he wears tall thigh-high boots w/ low heels to feel Taller! he has a book-holster hooked to the back of his belt, which holds his grimoire! and he has a lil thigh-bag that has been magicked to be Bottomless and warps size! he can fit pretty much anything in there! canvases! paint! apples!
his half-skirt thing (idk what the word for it is!) is really plush, like a quilt - his capelet is the same fabric. soft, cozy. sometimes he'll use the skirt thing as a blanket in a pinch, or as a picnic placemat!
is his outfit a little Complicated? is it annoying to replicate? yes and yes. but im a maximalist at heart and Nothing But The Best for the blorbo <3 layers my beloved <3
#i know ive said it before but whenever i make an au its essentially an Exploration in a sense#and this fantasy au ~Bog Edition~ is basically me going#'so wally and his house huh. whats up with that'#and maybe im taking it a bit to the extremes#since home is pretty much warlock wally's god??? sorta? loosely??#well it literally gave wally life and a body. so.#and it also literally took the place of his heart - wally Cannot live without home#they have a fun 'we cant exist without each other now' codependent very devoted kinda unhealthy relationship#wally sometimes has to do terrible things for home#and home will do terrible things in return for wally. even when wally doesnt want them to#and they both love each other very much <3 what kind of love is it <3 fuck if i know! theyre Weird About It though#its the only dynamic an ancient lovecraftian horror & the puppet they gave life & tethered itself to can have!!!#wally wisely keeps home & his 'warlock' status a secret from his friends for as long as he can#they just dont understand his & home's bond smh#scribble salad#welcome home#wh fantasy au#gonna have to workshop barns....#i need to balance the fantasy + hes a distinguished fella + bard#hence the hat. the hat stays.#gotta find the right vest...#and then everyone else if i feel like it....#outfit design is so Grueling but i refuse to keep it simple#there have to be LAYERS it has to be IN CHARACTER i have to put ALL THE EFFORT INTO IT
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sorry to be a bit of a hater but i do wish youtubers weren't so scared of making their videos just like, "reviews", whys everything gotta be a "video essay" all the time. every day my recommendations are filled with 40 minute videos titled "_____: An Underrated Masterpiece" where the first like five minutes are reading the wikipedia definition of "masterpiece" in a somber voice with dramatic themed text on screen. please just tell me how good or bad you think something is and use the rest of the runtime to explain why. you dont need to put on all these airs
#i know the ahem. channel. of some awe....... that whole situation kind of scared people off from using the word review#but like we live in the future now. you can make a review. i believe in you#AND LIKE i like a good video essay!! but im picky. because i read academic shit for fun#when i see a capital E essay im expecting theses. im expecting sub headers. im expecting multiple examples AND footnotes with asides#(and i know this is a controversial topic but i do expect them to be long. because if you read aloud a 4 page journal article its gonna)#(take a bit of time LOL maybe i just read too much academia shit. but i dunno man. theres not a lot you can say about like a big huge)#(topic with multiple angles if you only have like 10 minutes. maybe i just talk too slow. i need to breath <3 )#theres other formats too. surveys. retrospectives. informative essays. persuasive essays. etc#and like i also read lots of reviews not just of like movies and books but of like gallery exhibitions and shit!! they can be extremely#interesting a lot of work and some really beautiful writing!! nothing wrong with a review!!! theyre important#but i do get annoyed with like. the odd air of pretention i see in a lot of video essays. especially cause its usually not backed up by#the content. i dont care for those airs in academia either. nor do i like it in documentaries#just talk naturally. you'll find your voice. there might be pretention in it in the end but it'll be yours#if im making sense. i hear a lot of people talking in a pretention that is not their own. something they put on because thats what they#think they should do. you need to find your own pretention. be pretentious in a way that feels natural to youuuuuu#hell im being pretentious. about this LOL but like its my own. it is a pretentiousness ive built over the past half decade#play around. write a blog. i dunno. find your voice dear youtubers. find your voice
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sorry if I become extra annoying im kinda tweaking over being on my own for the first time sooooo I might let myself become extra indulgent 💔💔💔
#‘aren’t u already super indulgent’ you’d be surprised#everything will be tagged either fanfic bullshit or gayalanwoke if you wanna block 😭#sorry i kinda maybe sorta will be having a moment. for a while.#idk if I can call myself disabled. but like yall know I have diagnosed cptsd and suspected-autism#sooooooo#taking care of myself is. not easy. At all#I can hardly manage with my parents#and now . idk. basically my routine for the past 20 years is being disrupted and im not handling it well#not only that. just.#again like I said taking care of myself in general is really hard#AND I have . college now.#lord 😭#I’ve always been a straight a student in high school and community college right#four months after my cptsd developed? I dropped out of community college 🫠#bc I literally couldn’t handle it#that was last February#now im at a . four year school#so#im tweaking#like actually this time#and since hyperfixations are All Consuming . they are as helpful as they are debilitating yk#so like yes this show/the fic might contribute to education problems. buttttt it’ll also stop me from crashing out!!!!!#so . yeah. yall might be hearing a bit more from me 😵💫#or#I’ll become extremely self conscious and never follow through#sorry#this is so funny I’m freaking out that yall might be angry im posting abt stuff that makes me happy LMFAOAOO#THIS IS LITERALLY ALL IN MY HEAD LMAOOOO#yall: hey gayalanwake! what’s up? cool binder. hey gayalanwake! wanna come over to my house today? :D#me: they alllll hated me 🐺
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— Emperor Charles VI's diary entry on Count Althann's death
[text: "My only heart, my comfort, my most faithful servant, my soulmate, who loved me dearly as I did him for 19 years, [we] had a true friendship, we were one heart and one soul, and we never concealed anything from one another. He will always be in my heart, [my] beloved friend..I. have lost everything."]
#this is like. incredibly niche.#but also hopefully a quote one can look at without context and still feel emotional damage about#idk. i think about this quote probably at least once a week and then have to stare at it and cry a bit#its just GOD. yknow??????#theres this one paper(which i linked) that i originally read as research for the AU#but i go back to it probably twice a month to reread it bcs im so !!!! abt it#i think its cause charles vi is just not that relevant but is relevant to me so to have this paper abt his personal relationships is very !#its both nice as ref for the au but also very interesting to hear about historical queer relationships/dynamics#the sections about him and his wife are very endearing as well#but god like him and count althann. im literally so invested in this 300 year old relationship#this is obviously from his death which is incredibly depressing and heart wrenching to me#but the other things he wrote about althann in his diary are very sweet to me#they were inseparable to the point of often sleeping in the same bed and charles called him his 'eternal love'#AND ON ALTHANN'S DE WIKIPEDIA PAGE IT LITERALLY CALLS HIM THE EMPEROR'S FAVORITE#anyways literally every part of this quote absolutely destroys me but especially how he refers to althann and then the ending#and its interesting to me bcs apparently his diary entries were usually pretty to the point#but when various people in his as althann died he would write these extremely emotional entries that are so </3#if you have any questions abt their dynamic pls i will talk abt them 🥰🥰 i find it fascinating#theres a book about his diary but its in german and 500 pages and kinda hard to get hold in but maybe one day!!!#also in AU contexts: althann and charles vi would be mark and seb so take that as you will 🤭😭#as i said this is great for ref but also made me sooooo fucking invested in him#i have no idea how to tag this#historical#holy roman empire#emperor charles vi#catie.rambling.txt#historical quotes#habsburg#habsburg monarchy#ah wow if only my german prof could see me now. fucking...habsburg posting. why am i like this
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there is nothing strictly heterosexual about the way leon looks at other men, i swear
#resident evil#imagine if a line was added along the lines of#'chris is hot and all but ada'#i saw that one image of leon looking at patrick from infinite darkness and#look i'll still headcanon leon as being extremely bad at socializing either due to neurodivergency or him suffering massive trauma#as a fresh adult#flirting with mfers and not understanding why cuz he's no good with social cues#unintentionally#but i know long time fans gotta think the same thing#leon kennedy is hot as fuck and every gender across the board wants to bang him right#if my guy was a lil bi it'd be dope yknow idk#he can still be loyal to ada and casually admit men are hot yknow#yknow im just saying#dedicates his life to one woman doesn't mean he can't have a lil crush on christopher redfield#the fans have valid reasons to smack their lil dolls of leon and chris together to make em kiss#but i mean if anyone's got a strong theory of being gay it is chris hell yeah#chris = gay 100#leon = 'straight' but someone didn't measure properly cuz that line is a bit fucked up#which is to say maybe bi cuz it feels like he's mostly into women but got a way he looks at guys sometimes yknow... yknow#i need to go take a nap man
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if i do go w sakonji being the owner im gonna pull that naruto gag for kakashi where every image of his face is perfectly obscured by some random object
leaf. bird. a large beetle. some paper flying in the wind. light glare. someone walking in front of him. a bag of coffee thrown across the shop. someone else's hair. speech bubbles. him facing the other way. etc
#kny x tokyo ghoul au#urokodaki sakonji#m tryna think abt how to change the storyline enough to fit w new characters#^silly idea that popped up while i was doing that#i think im gonna go with tanjuro died- kie overworked herself- nezuko was caught in a horrible (orchestrated) accident tanjiro found her in-#she gets ghoul organ transplant and goes home- its a slower transition than in tkg first she gets sick of human food then after a bit#the taste catches up and she stops trying to eat entirely- tanjiro's extremely worried abt her health yadda yadda- she loses herself to#hunger and goes out- tanjiro follows her worried- she stumbles across the temple demon who attacks her-#tanjiro tries to attack him from behind but gets knocked away- giyuu kicks the ghoul's head off- tanjiro immediately#covers nezuko with his own body and begs him not to hurt thema- giyuu takes pause and sniffs. noticing tanjiro's human. also noricing how#hes protecting a ghoul- yadda yadda he ends up bringing them both to coffee shop where sakonji gives nezuko a package and sends them#off with a 'come back whenever you need more'- tanjiro is kinda. in denial. not really processing.#nezuko asks if shes a monster now and his heart breaks. he couldnt believe that no matter what.#he swears she'll never be a monster to him and he'll always be by her side- they get jobs (nezukos 'job') at coffee place#im thinking maybe shinobu to take up touka's place storywise? shes (passive)aggressive towards them (& giyuu<3)#need to rewatch the first 3 eps i skipped them (dumb move) but im also thinking enmu as Sir Freakass#dont know how im gonna integrate genya now#i think i can give him & sanemi touka & ayato's line w genya being. aggressive but not as actively hostile as sanemi#originally i was gonna make him halfsies like nezuko (might still? need some ccg bitches in here) w sanemi as a dove#something something theres NO communication. everyone believes tanjiro is completely clueless except for giyuu & sakonji. when they start#working at the coffee shop everyone hides the ghoul shit from tanjiro (enabling him to stay in denial) up until enmu kidnapps him to#lure nezuko. her and shinobu beat his ass then shino tries to kill him since he Knows but when he looks at her staring him down#with black&red eyes poised to kill him he just calls her beautiful. stops her in her tracks and he notices the carnage & panics over nezuko#broken winged butterfly who stared kindness in the eye.#problem is that part was supposed to be the time genya saw tan&nezu and chilled out. if i do That^ thn i dont know how ill get to there#dont know how id shove genya anywhere in there in the first place but. whatever ill figure it out#this is fun tho#also gonna differentiate between like. character replacements w orig storyline & characters in that worldbuilding#like the KNY Clan au is its own story shit but with naruto mechanics while this is Tokyo Ghoul story but w KNY characters. KNYxTokyo Ghoul#ive thought abt it a few times but if i started replacing naruto characters w kny ones id label it different from ckan au. KNYxNaruto. yk?
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on my knees gripping my head hnngggg i thought abt bellumbeck too hard
tag ramblings are fun and on brand but i have too many disorganized thoughts and tags are limiting.
anyways thinking too hard abt him is an extremely good and fun thing but i cannot draw the way i wish and can't really put my thoughts into fic form so this is very much going to be a fun ramble.
bellumbeck drives me insane we all know this. he showed up in my dream last night as of writing this sentence so he is on my mind, which is surprising bc fictional stuff doesn't usually show up coherently in my dreams but there it was.
it's so incredibly fun to think about bellumbeck. he's such a black sheep of a loz final boss, there really isnt another loz final boss like him in concept or even in 1:1 tone imo. it's so fun to take bellumbeck incredibly darkly seriously.
to be fair bellumbeck is kind of objectively a fairly dark and disturbing final boss on a conceptual level, and it's not really out of nowhere since phantom hourglass has at least a little darkness running through it even if the general tone of the game doesn't really acknowledge or take advantage of it. but if you think about it hard enough even without getting into post-game speculation in regards to what happens with linebeck, bellumbeck is kind of a dark boss and it's great. full on screen demonic possession of a major character with most of the cast incapacitated and link isolated with no escape on the ruins of the ghost ship that started everything and facing a boss that is constantly facing him and both someone he's been with the whole adventure and also the creature that's captured his friends and killed who knows how many people.
it's so oooouuuugghhhh it's so much fun to think about bellumbeck even though it's such a short encounter. it's so... the mystery around bellum, the way linebeck is built up throughout the game and saves link directly before getting possessed, the fucking on-screen vaguely violent possession (i am forever obsessed with the way bellum grabs and tugs on his arms), the way ciela is captured early into the fight, too, the first companion character you meet and, if you had her equipped, it leaves you without a fairy that follows your cursor around for the first time all game, it's very... congrats you and your friends are at rock bottom! good luck getting everyone out of there alive!!!!
of course it's not quite that because this game is geared a bit more towards younger players, but still keeps those streaks of darkness and complexity just simply because they're inevitable parts of this story and it's characters. bellumbeck. i'm talking about bellumbeck. what a soulsborne-ass final boss, huh?
there's only so much a ds game can do in terms of boss animations, but i think a lot about more complicated movements and animations for bellumbeck, so, so much character can be communicated through a boss's animations. in my mind, i enjoy bellumbeck movements with an emphasis on puppet-like flourishes and mannerisms, and an emphasis on weight with how he fights. these two go very well together, and its something i love imagining.
with the latter, an emphasis on weight, would ideally focus on the sword (and im a fan of it being this huge greatsword, reading berserk got me around to liking it because you can do that really well) and how it has to be used one-handed, with bellumbeck leveraging his own weight against it and taking advantage of momentum to use it especially effectively to turn link into a little green and red smear on the wood. attacks blending into each other as he builds up momentum, and using that weight primarily against link, who is a small opponent who relies on rolling around and can’t really stack up at all in terms of brute force.
i imagine this kind of physicality and movement would lend itself very well to bellumbeck also having more puppet-like movements, being a little too tugged-along by his attacks but still retaining his footing, his free arm being just a little too limp a little too often, and his leaning away from his sword side, likely with the intention to properly balance himself out, looks off with how his head lolls unnaturally to that side. the puppetry effect lessens as the fight wears on and bellum gets the hang of the body he’s using, but never actually goes away since he’s not looking to act properly human anyways.
just like... movement flourishes and details that could add a whole lot to the overall experience of bellumbeck that i think about often.
#bellumbeck#loz#legend of zelda#phantom hourglass#salty talks#do you see my vision. do you understand what im getting at here. i need bellumbeck to be a bit scarier#this is. EXTREMELY inspired by my recent elden ring kick. bellumbeck would fit in really well as a soulsborne boss#removing the fact that he only takes damage from one spot. i think you could really easily translate the bellumbeck boss into soulsborne#a few zelda bosses would work really well with soulsborne combat and another one is ww ganondorf#i dont think abt it often but i do love what game animations can convey and i think its like. the way elden ring works has me more#carefully watching game animations bc if i dont learn to recognize them then i die yknow#idk if ill tag linebeck or bellum but maybe not bc this is mostly just a bellumbeck post#technically in a sense theyre both tagged. whatever#‘bellumbeck’s design is a little off/silly’ cool heres how you lean into it. also read berserk. dont read berserk actually#find something else about a guy with a huge sword being taken seriously
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It's so funny when I'm dressed very Active Participant In A Subculture and then some guy wearing socks and slides and a giant fake diamond earring and one airpod probably listening to a manosphere podcast makes a real point to do an overexaggerated ew face in a way that ensures I see it. Like oh no. I'm gonna go kill myself now cause you think I look creepy.
#same when both men and women do that thing of barely concealing the point and laugh with your friends bit#maybe throw in a side of take a sneaky picture#like okay. you now have a picture of me in a look i believe to be extremely slaying. now what.#im not letting anyone who wears jeans that are blue say jackshit to me about my look
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who was that. that was not Janus who was that
#watched the new asides! hahahahahahaha i have thoughts#mostly positive which is not what i was expecting! i thought they felt in character for the most part#i enjoyed it#but that. was not Janus#youre telling me the master of deception the literal EMBODIMENT of deceit#would get SO drunk around people he quite frankly should not trust yet his arc has not gone that far#that he is saying everything on his mind and being extremely loose lipped#no. absolutely not#i feel like thomas was aiming a gun labeled /reduce character to alcoholism joke/ at logan and last second swiveled and shot janus#point fuckin blank#and the rest of the episode was actually good!!! it was fun!!!!!!! except for the weird drunk cardboard cutout they had standing#where janus should be#for a character like janus alcohol - if its gonna be used at all - should be used as like . a sign of character growth#a signifier of trust . he trusts the others enough to drop those walls . but that is NOT a point we should have hit now#he had a breakthrough with patton but roman hates him virgil hates him#that is not a situation where the embodiment of self preservation js gonna go welp! time to get blackout drunk!#im so . i just . come ON man#roman would get drunk as shit . at thjs point in his arc that even makes sense!!!#taking a bit of liquid confidence when maybe hes not feeling much of his own#though where roman stands in his arc after four entire years of waiting is . fuckin debatable i guess#anyway in conclusion that was not janus . thank you for coming to my ted talk#ts crit#ts critical#ts spoilers
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explosion.gif
#i am so in love its unreal. never have i ever before felt this wealth of human emotions so concentrated over the past month and a week#genuinely mind boggling how talking to logan more and more and then dating him has literally made me feel likr a new man.#not that im different or that i absolutely need him to function in my day to day life#but its the richness that being in love brought to my life that was unexpected#i had a thing with another online friend like 4 yrs ago and it never felt like much admittedly. i almost gave up dating when he broke it off#bc i thought there was something to online dating that wasnt cutting it and i didnt stand a chance at meeting someone irl#and that entire time i knew logan at least a little bit but we didnt really begin talking often until like#6 months ago maybe? and just the more we talked the more we clicked ajd i liked him so much but i was so afraid that it wouldnt be mutual#and i was so afraid that even if he is in what feels like a pretty open polycule hed never ask me out or anything#and then he did and my world felt like it exploded into a cacophony of colors and sounds and feelings and emotions#like something had been unlocked in me that hadnt been touched in years. my ability to love.#and with that came some of the most upsetting spiraling intense depressive states of my life. but it was okay. it still is okay.#its only been a bit over a month but it feels like so much more than that bc i feel like everything is so much more vivid now#i also think im beginning to take a very particular fondness to someone else in the cule but im so not stating who or expanding upon it#he also makes me really happy but i dont think im ready to take that step yet. even if it would be a dream come true.#i love what i have now and i dont want to complicate it yet.#a extremely loving and charming boyfriend and a couple of other close friends who happen to also be dating him is good. its awesome#i just. i dont know. i dont know how logan would feel abt it. i dont know abt how other guy would feel abt it.#sometimes im not even sure how i would feel abt it#aughghhhhhhhh. yeah. human emotion. love for my boyfriend who is beautiful and loving and charming and funny and talented. ueh#i dont think he reads these rambles. sometimes i hope he does. sometimes i hope he doesnt. i love him so much#i dont want to worry him with my shit constantly but it would also be nice to worry him with it occasionally#logan if you see this i love you more than words could ever describe. im so happy that ur in my life and that you chose me to be in ur own#gamey rambles#💜
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omg did i tell u guys i got OSHA-violated on monday😅 i was like no hearing protection? im gonna go take my lunch😌
#only after being exposed to extremely damaging sounds for a bit tho :/#was trying not to look like a uh pussy in front of ly#boss so i did bear it for a bit :/ yea im stupid i know. feel fine rn and think itll only be a problem w repeated exposure#(for those in bio: people were trying to lyse cells w sonicator but there was some issue so it was making the most awful sound on earth and#they were leaving the door of the machine open (which u shldnt do!!!) trying to figure out the issue. I was there bc attempting to help#i left upon maybe the third or fourth excruciating run)#ok actually i went to find them some headphones then left#ugh well u know what i say#things that dont happen in most academic careers#ur girls already been exposdd to radiation and carcinogens plenty what else can i check off#(this is why i think its silly when people are like oo aent u worried about a lab acquired infection. no bc i can just take antibiotics.#im more worried about cancer💁♀️)
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head in hands . things need 2 stophappening i need a break
#dog snapped at me at work today. did not get bit or anything but hes a Big Dog and my hands are still very shaky#got home and found a bump on kotas head that was not there this morning and . maybe it is just the anxiety and exhaustion but#its reallyyyyy freaking me out#i dont. see anything . so it might just be fur but it doesnt Feel like fur and . aughg h hghghhghhhghghghhhhh#i cannot Do This rnnnnn#my worst client called me in for work at 6am tomorrow which is bullshit and also put in the notes#that their son is literally home ?!?!?!?!?!!?! but i still have to go and take care of their pets ?!?!?!#which is. extremely awkward and frustrating like Why Cant He Do It Hes Literally There#and their dog is. not very well trained and hes such a hassle to deal with. sigh#plus my grandparents are visiting and while i love them they are very much in . babysitter mode#which. i dont mind usually but god i have had the mkst stressful 3 days and all i want to do is sit in bed and watch adventure time#but even THAT isnt gonna make me feel better bc im into the like. sad arc. and thatll just make me feel sad and weird. :(
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Obligatory post to prove I’m not a bot…
idk here’s a picture:
#smoking cw#we’re starting off strong#also if you recognize me hiiiii#im okay#hormonal drop hit me way harder than it usually does#maybe cuz of stress…dunno#i give up trying to understand my emotions since i seem to only experience ‘extremes’#anyway hiiii#ill probably start posting regularly soon…ish#taking a bit of a break just enjoying the posts#scans
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Idk guys something about Mytho's identity as a person only being defined by whatever his role is in relation to another character feels kinda Gender to me !
#i am going to assign so much queerness to this show.#when he's looked at through ahiru and rue's eyes he's this almost ideal hero archetype for the most part#but through Fakir's eyes (and a bit w Princess Tutu) it could be argued that he becomes almost a damsel in distress#part of me wants to take that and run with it in every way possible and suggest that it's because he represents the story itself#and thus becomes extremely malleable based on what is convenient to the plot or its characters#even when he gets his heart back he is Just Some Guy. you can do a lot with that if you get sillay with it#blabbering#princess tutu#idk if im actually onto something or not it's 3am#he also has a bit of Nonbinary Swag to me so maybe that's why im having Thoughts#this is probably due to a lack of development but im v interested in how flat his character is compared to everyone else
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Why would I draw or further flesh out the other members of Chou's party when I can instead think abt how all of them play in game and spiral out into making up a shit ton of other game mechanics that do not matter to the actual story
#rat rambles#stars posting#this is my new favorite playground I need large stick lady to cast spell of hit you really hard#well ok shes more of a defensive unit in my minds eye but she will also hit things with her big stick#I do imagine her as the type of character that Can do some mad dps but shed be an extremely selfish dps unit which doesnt work well with#the rest of the party since most of them are quite frail#her damage scales off of her shields which scale off of her hp which means that to do her max damage shed need to not be hit oftem#which goes against most of the rest of her kit as shes mostly about taunting enemies and intercepting attacks with some parry abilities#so generally shes a unit that wants to get hit but can also do good damage if you need to take a more aggressive route with a fight#the other girl is the local multihit gambler queen who is also the speedy speedster of the party#shes a much more selfish unit with basically only attacking abilities#she can do pretty good damage if youre willing to get her buffs set up but she rly starts to shine once she gets access to equipment that#lets her hit more times and abilities that can raise her own stats or lower enemy stats#chou is more of a commander type character here if that makes sense? theyre mostly about buffing allies and turn juggling#they have like 3 abilities that allow them to give away their turn each buffing different stats#later on they ofc shift their playstyle completely but for most of the initial journey that was their role and playstyle#aaand Im still working out the other two because Im not sure if I want the party to have a proper healer or not#because on the one hand chou and the girl™ are both rather frail to start off with so they'd appreciate a healer but on the other hand they#already have big stick girl and I feel like giving them a healer would make this hypothetical game too easy#so Im thinking maybe a more stable dps unit like odile is? one who has access to all craft types early on and can consistently do damage#and for the kid Im imagining them as having a similar role to bonnie but a bit more reliable but also less impactful#as in you can actually tell them what to do but they take a while to charge their action after you tell them what to do and they have less#that they can do with them mostly managing excess items#oh important context Im imagining a item pouch system here where party members each have to carry their own items into battle and can only#carry a couple at a time so you have to fill your item slots wisely and be careful how you use your items in battle#and theres also a bunch of other miscellaneous mechanics I imagine being around too but its mostly typical rpg stuff#look its my au I can make a fake video game of it in my head if I want to#anyways I time to crash gn gamers
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