#and maybe im projecting but i would like to read it
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i need a fic where arthur hears about morgana being kept and rescues her :(
#s5e8 rewatch#ash watches merlin again#it's just hard#he loves her so much you know like that never stopped#this is the first episode where he's gone on the offense against her#and it's just hard for me to believe that this is what he'd want#ik that doesn't make sense but like#and i get like why he's doing it too like gaius says becoming a true statesman#it's also him taking an even more firm position in sorcery in a way he hasn't really done and it's just#really? you know#and i just feel like#arthur would not stand for her to be treated that way#even after all she's done#that he wouldn't want her to suffer at the hands of an evil man like that#and maybe im projecting but i would like to read it#a mission where sarrum cannot know it is him lest he risk their allyship#a mission where he cannot let morgana go but must#along with aithusa#a mission where the one he's rescuing is his enemy#the angst the heartbreak#morgana's face when she realizes it's him who's rescued her#i can almost see it#fic idea#i guess?#sigh
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Is...is Dev a clone?
#dev dimmadome#like getting clone vibes#feels like im reading house of the scorpion all over again#but like maybe that's the connection between dale and the pixies?#bc all the pixies look like clones of each other and like how they're created is never established#like there's that one older pixie bur nothing else#also naming your kid development is a big yikes...but given how much of a mess dale is and how there's literally zero signs of#dev having a mother...#naming a project development would make sense probably#fop a new wish#fop#ramblings#i don't know it's giving clones#but maybe im picking up things that aren't being put down
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me already busy with gt july, a webcomic, on 2 irl planning committees, work projects which include illustrating a book: i wonder if i could host a zine
#like how much work does it take#how muchh work goes into it#would anyone be interested in a gt zine#i think to start off online pdf only#this is just me thinking of new projects while im swamped lmao#but maybe this fall if im more free........ i would consider :3#if you reading this and youve participated in a zine before lemme know :3 im interested on the process#absolute rambles
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hey um not to be parasociall but how did the meeting with your advisor go???? also would it be possible for you to switch advisors/program or something so you can change your research interests if that's the issue? Im a doctoral student as well so I get how tricky that stuff can be depending on your program.... Anyway I hope things better for you xoxo
Lol, ur fine! It went alright
#basically i just told him ive been paralyzed from working on my project out of fear from what happened when i had a breakdown in april#which is true but is still an incomplete picture of whats happening. and he was like yeah thats understandable. let me kno what i can do to#help. so that was good. tho he did look a bit deer in headlights lol#and ive started reading project relevant papers again and i understand what theyre saying which is good#i feel like im behind where i should b but im also like: ok right i do actually think this is interesting. evolution is sick as fuck#but i wouldnt want to switch advisors bc hes like one of 2 bacteria ppl in the department#i would have to go to a different school to do what i want with eps. either like a industry focused lab interested in slime as#like a thickener. which sounds boring. or go back to my old boss who is desert ecology focused#its just a matter of: do i really want to b an Evolutionary microbiologist? a very academic job? or do i want a job that's just a job?#and like maybe to stay with cyanos i would have to leave and then go back to school to focus on toxic algal blooms#then i could probably get water quality jobs. but like would that b fulfilling? idk. it just sucks#bc i fit in so well with my lab interest wise. its just a matter of whether or not i want my Job to b my whole life#unrelated
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hmmm should i go through all of the dramas and musicals and other dn medias to compare light's wardrobes there as well as from the anime and manga or is that too much work
#i need to see all of light's wardrobe and i was considering doing every character but i think i'll limit it to light and misa#and potentially mello bc he's constantly serving cunt. i dont think L and near have enough outfits to bother w it and the rest#of the kira taskforce wears pretty basic suits the whole time so i will probably not do them#def light and misa though i care abt their taste in fashion the most#i was planning on doing another read through of the manga and marking things down while i'm doing that and just putting the#anime on like 10x speed and pausing for new outfits but if im gonna do extra content that'll probably push this project into being#a longer thing bc originally i was thinking it'd take me maybe a week or two but i've never seen the dramas yet so im probs gonna#want to take my time w those. hm. idk i like have life things to do but i kinda really want to do this#i also want to keep track of the page numbers/timestamps/episodes that certain outfits show up for reasons#and then ig once i have all of my data (light and misa's outfits) i can set up individual timelines for each series and i can sort#them into little categories and i can compare them and i can track their fashion tastes over time yippee!!!!#oh i get so excited thinking abt this i will have the best archive of all of their outfits and i will ofc share my findings bc i feel like#this is very helpful research#it's so funny bc all of this.... is just so i can properly pick out lingerie that i think light would like.......#ajdhkajsjhdjgasjhj
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my laptops like super fucking dead and its gonna be a couple days before i can get a new one so uh. have a ghost roxas au doodle from procreate instead. returning to my roots i suppose. do not ask me to explain the story context for this or whats going on because i will not explain ok. you can figure it out yourself <-( theres absolutely not enough information for you to figure it out for yourself )
#doodles#kingdom hearts#sora#roxas#ghost roxas au#my goal is to make a story as hard to understand as kh lore itself#aka not that complicated but people love being dramatic about it#eheh#anyways man on one hand i would love to tell this story as just a comic. bc i think im better at storytelling visually#but also i. really like writing shitty prose#idk ive written an absurd amount for this au#idk if youre at all even interested in this au lemme know if youd prefer a comic or a fic#if i do a fic id probably do art to go with it#sigh idk sticking to one feels really limiting to me#bc i dont think i can like. convey the emotions id like to do with just a comic#but i also naturally feel a bit more inclined to do a visual format since im more comfortable than that#with that* sorry im tired#idk maybe i could do a comic w some optional stuff to read as a supplement#i wish there was an easier way to mix the formats#anyways idk if anyone even cares about this au its mostly a self indulgent little project for me#but if you do care lmk#ok i have to get up early so im gonna. go to sleep. <- lying
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Take some Fydd's I just realized I never posted
#keese draws#oc art#oc#ocs#eternal gales#fydd is such a comfort character to me rn its not even funny I adore this lil lad#hes been helping keep me sane#Ive also been keeping sane by brainstoriming more abt how I wanna make eternal gales someday which is also helping#and lemme say its getting real ambitious folks this bad boy isnt getting made for a While lol#the more Ive been thinking abt eternal gales and how I want it to be formatted the more certain I become that while its not going to be a#game Im probably going to be making it within a game maker engine#like Ill still look into how feasible making it all into a website would be but I think for what I want to make this would work best#which is! very ambitious and is definitely not smth I can manage rn! but I have been wanting to re learn to code anyways so!#its mostly just a matter of like. doing some smaller projects first and getting my shit together#ideally I want to be able to be in a place to get started in about 5 years maybe? idk that feels reasonable to me#but Im fine if it takes longer as long as Ive gotten at least some actual real project started and worked on#Ive been playing around with the idea of maybe trying my hand at making a small game for fun#not right this second but maybe soon? idk depends on a bunch of shit#honestly eternal gales has dragged me through so much whenever I feel hopeless I just have to remember that I Need to make it some day and#imagine ppl asking me questions abt it and analyzing my writing and I go ok so I must persist no matter what I need ppl to read abt them
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would u try
#i would take a bite#ctubbo#ctubbo fanart#i will never use the main cc tag thay is so scary i feel like im way too early 2021 pilled my username is gonna get me on a list somwhere😭😭#it is 2024#sorreyyy no big pieces lately i am in School and actually that has nothign to do with it i just like to spend 3 hours walking around my Park#IT WAS BEAUTIFUL TODAY LIKE OMG.insanw ir was 80 degrees perfect weather i Trained to school and Back it was so nice and oughgh when i went#to the park after it was LIFERLALY THE PERFECT WEATHEE like all that crazy wind from the day before GONE i was so happy and the clouds were#so beautiful i love the park i lovvee my town i literallu]t live in heaven im so serious]d#tomorrow i will make zucchini bread.....i need to write this essay too but then IM FREE i can lock in i literally finished my part for this#history project in like an hour i am a Pro Procrastinator i got that😅😅#thays it for tofay i think nothing crazy ok good night#read gourmet hound on webtoon its SOO GOOODDS every time i think of sweets i think of thay damn Webtoon#omg i need to write a rant abour that but not today.....Tomorrow maybe i have so much to say about that ok bue
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#ok ok ok i have been so excited about the nimona movie since i first read it AS A TEEN#watched the teaser and i’m kinda sad it doesn’t look more like ND’s art#*art. i’m curious about the project getting cancelled i hate disney so much#& how much that influenced the style#but also i’m like not particularly impressed with the trailer#i feel like she was such a cool and weird character & i always imagined just an absolute freak#& maybe it’ll grow on me but i’m like. ok the acting in the trailer alone was too clean & predictable#like she was such a super massive freak im sure she’s yelling screaming all the time. like tbh i imagined her speech patterns to be more#like Finn Adventure Time#like i was hoping the movie would be fun and kinda dark and very anti authority etc#but there’s like super upbeat music and it’s like no we need fucked up string instruments with haunting melodies & the voice acting has to#be muttering and shrieking and insane#and Blackheart was also a character of all time for me if they make him and Allister less gay im gonna kill someone#but like gay (repressed / angsty i suppose)#like he isn’t COOL he is ANGRY. i guess haven’t seen him yet but i’m Worrk#AMBROSIUS NOT ALLISTER#*worried#and if the scientist isn’t in it netflix hates women. also if she’s not insane they hate women#dude i’m fucking up these tags so bad
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cons of going to a “good schoolTM”: insane workload, unbearable classmates, next to no support when you have any kind of extenuating circumstances Including literal hospitalization, etc
pros of going to a “good schoolTM”: the 9-5 lifestyle is genuinely a major improvement
#taylor.txt#the extenuating circumstances point was not me btw. i know someone who had his degree delayed an entire year because of two weeks in psych#we’re in a co-op program or else maybe it wouldve just been one semester but. lol#i hate it here…i hate it#but hey…at least i have the world’s shittiest health insurance!#some of my classmates say they dont feel like working full-time is easier than going to school full-time but it so is#for me. anyway. even when i fumbled my time management bad on the field and make no mistake i was incredibly busy plus i chose a field#notorious for Unpaid Overtime and Taking Your Work Home. even then. it was still easier than this#i would never do undergrad again. i loved everything i learned. i took interesting and awesome classes#but i would never ever do it again. miserable overworked spent most of it friendless until i got on the field#i have a friend who keeps being like idk how you did 4 physics classes this sem and im like girl we are education students…thats an average#semester for a physics major. how must THEY feel#also i have to say just you know. generally. ive worked full-time while living with my parents#AND while living alone. and 50 hours a week was incredibly manageable in the former arrangement. i even wrote and edited an entire novel#in the beginning stages of a pandemic while working 50 hours a week of retail and fast food hell. 40 hours full-time with weekends off#while living alone though? thats hard. i still managed to go to the gym almost every day#currently? i cant get out of bed in the morning. i am putting in 12 hour days and then goinng to bed unable to sleep because im so stressed#i have dreams about school. tangentially theres a really good marxist poem i read last year about this phenomenon in workers#ANYWAY. i have just 8 more days 4 exams 1 research paper and video project#i think i can pass and then thats it. my next semester is hell but just because scheduling the actual classes will be easy#and then i get to go back on the field and actually want to wake up every day. lol#and 8 days from now i will have my christmas shopping done and my apartment will be clean and i will be a fanfic writing machine#also my friends and i booked a demolition room so im sure that will be beneficial kfldjfldndks
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BOOK REVIEW 📖
Last year I kept track of the series & films I watched; this year I've decided to keep track of whatever books I read! So this one is for the month of January – I'll share these sometime after the month is over, or if I read more than one book during the month, I will do their reviews as soon as I finish the book :)
#ben picks up reading again#dania rambles about shit#should note that this is not spoiler free (don't give much context but still)#i would read it again just to catch all the parallels and symbolism#chose to read this on libby bc of the option to highlight and keep notes in one spot bc jfc I would've annotated tf out of a physical copy#doing this completely from my phone and made my own little template because I couldn't find any good ones for free#what else ummmm oh right this is like a basic answer/question and I ramble off topic but still within some type of margin#read that fanfic I recommend really since I feel like it's better written aka maybe I just like it more bc it has a happy ending#and it includes all the same problems that the characters of the original book went through (for the most part)#anyway 4/5 stars and not 5 bc like I got tired of clare's pov bc it felt like there was no different between#the varying ages we get once we reach her at like 12 and up#henry also affected this bc like he's likable but so stupid and shouldve studied paradoxes or something to solve his problems#again rambling it needs a fix it but blah blah not really their suffering is a main point of the book :)#yeah so structured like a traditional one but I focus on not so traditional aspects bc I have a way of analyzing things#as if I have an essay to write on it lmaooooo#these are handwritten bc I like to keep track in case it worsens due to my cubital tunnel affected wrist#(im a righty; lefty on the other hand has carpal tunnel but that only affects when I do hand on projects like pottery or painting)#I'm giving free trivia/lore about myself here lol
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gender sure is a fuck, huh?
#ye olde text post#rambling in the tags lol sorry about that#while showering i was thinking about how my gender identity kinda gets influenced by my hyperfixations#or more specifically the characters im kinda fixated on?#maybe its me being nb or maybe its my neurodivergency#like a few months ago i was way more masc and now im just A Silly Fella (that feels right)#probably definitely influenced by pizzahead because im kinda projecting onto him#but its fun bc it feels like i can just experiment with my gender identity/presentation#i cant talk to anyone in my real life about this because they dont really understand nb identities and they would think im crazy lol#so im just rambling on here bc i feel like people here get it#if people even read this#if not thats fine i just wanna air out my thoughts#rambling into the void is kinda nice sometimes
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I just saw a tweet that was like "Haha ive had this idea for [worse stupid unproductive thing ive ever read] for a childrens book in the vault (brain) for a while and now im ready to show the world 😆"
Like bro shoulda kept it in there
#btw im not dissing the artist-the writer them selves already looks like an edgey weirdo that sells n\f\t or w/e lmao#like dude clearly did not have self esteem issues or other insecurities growing up lmao loser#like y the fuck would u want a kid to read that &then they go on w thier lives w that mindset like bitch where is the value in this media#the moments i took reading that is more wasted than me writing this whole post lmao#meat speaks#\\\also im hungry idk if thats gonna affect what i think abt it lmao#and also they clearly made that to please the algorithm to gain interactions to sell this scam looking earn cash quick grab 🙄#maybe they do have insecurities lol and this was a way of them projecting that they crave validation 🤔
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arggggggh so the writing sample i want to use for my grad school apps is a portion of one of my novels in progress except that it's a portion that's still VERY rough and part of a novel that's still being drafted and i've been having SO MUCH trouble writing this stupid thing. and i'm like. okay maybe i SHOULD just do short story excerpts like i have some fairly polished short stories that will probably be stronger works. but genuinely i'm a novelist at heart and i don't plan to write short stories, i plan to write. this novel. in grad school lol like this is what i want to write as a project there. but i'm worried i won't have enough time to refine the sample and i really don't want to submit something half-done arggggggh
#grad app woes#yes i KNOW it was insane of me to go 'well i'll just write this before i submit it easy peasy' lol#but tbh i didnt expect this project to be giving me so much trouble. i have a partial draft of it from a couple of years ago#and it's been marinating in me for a long time#so i didnt figure it'd be EASY per se but literally it's been like pulling teeth to write the damn thing#to the point where i really am like. okay maybe it would be better just to do my short fiction instead#except then i have to shift a decent chunk of my sop... but i think that's doable???#and i was actually considering doing short stories for one school bc i want to submit my weird robot story to one#but idkkkk i don't know if either of these stories can constitute as my strongest work#and im so worried about making the wrong sample choice lol. no confidence.#i think what i might want to try doing is like. finishing the portion i'd submit of the novel#and then just like. asking other opinions tbh. i dont KNOW whats stronger i need a second opinion#but i have zero idea who to ask lol. like that's a lot of pages to read and it'd need to be someone whose writing sense i trust#yikes!!!!!!!!!!!!!#liveblogging life#im sorry im so insane about this at all hours but this application cycle is consuming my brain
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trying to decide if this gb edit i wanna make is worth the effort of trying to make it gifs, or if i should just. do it as screencaps
#this is the project i picked up gifmaking for#but also like. is it worth it? would anyone care?#i think. it is going to be a lot of work. im not sure im even capable of doing the text fade in & out anyway#which was a big reason to do gifs honestly#and it might be fun to try#but maybe itd just end up as sunk cost fallacy#nyxtalks#im bad at gauging how well people would like a gb edit bc all my friends are izzy main. usually my more gb posts do pretty well#not that its like. a numbers thing. but also if im putting in all the effort its. nice to have people go !!!!!! in the notes u know?#idk reading peoples tags is fucking delightful to me#sorry im whining againnnnnn#i dont wanna sink hours upon hours into a post for it a) to be mid and b) to be gone in a blink#this probably also would have been better had i done it last year pre s2 lol
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I don't think I've ever freaked out so badly
#ummm#sent the wrong document on a GROUP project. got a zero. freaked out. because. well. how do i tell them. cried horribly#somehow wrote a decent email. kept crying. im still ill so crying is bad for my lungs. cry so bad i throw up. that snaps me out of it#while cleaning up get an answer. teacher says its alright. grades the right document instantly and we get a 5/5#all that in under narrative in under 30 minutes#fuck#i think that might have been an anxiety attack like. it felt like the world was crashing on me and i was going to die#never felt that strongly before#well. maybe ive had similar reactions before but never to the point of throwing up#i guess. i felt so stupid. thats such a stupid mistake to make. i still dont know how onedrive did this to me but i guess like#how was i going to tell the group haha i got us a 0 because im brain dead or something#thank god the teacher was chill about it. i would be freaking out still then#but um yeah#those were very intense emotions i was not ready to feel after all my plans for the night were reading my silly goodnight fanfic#i was honest with the group and i regret that now ASKDJDJ#fuck me. i wish i hadnt told them about it#but honesty is the best policy? i dunno#im still a little anxious about that. and i wanted to go to sleep early
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