#and marisol and kim too

[funtheysaid]

made one for iwtv, now time for my other hyperfixation

[watchyourbuck]

he’s literally having the time of his life bro this is gonna blow up so badly

[flimsy-spine]

obsessed with how 7.09 is one giant 'OHHH!!' after another. 911 you are so messy

[fruitydiaz]

did eddie take kim back to his place after their dinner because. if he did. what did he do with all the pictures of shannon

[etherealplans]

putting this out there but im very convinced eddies mustache is part of a whole macho leaning into masculinity thing and shaving it pff is going to be him accepting his queerness

like he lost his son, his life is falling apart, and what have we seen eddie do really consistently when things go to shit? think about fight club era, how after the shooting he put up all his walls, how when chris was born he went to the fucking military. his dad always told him to “man up” essentially and time and time again we see that mindset be his last thing to fall back on when everything else is bad.

anyway i think hes trying to be more masculine at the start of 8a and part of that will be an actual queerness repression arc but the shaving scene that tim minear mentioned will be him getting off the hamster wheel of that for lack of a better word

[mintedwitcher]

Here's the thing. I don't want this cheating arc to culminate in a buddie thing. I don't want a revelation, I don't want a confession. I sure as shit DO NOT want a kiss. I dont want buddie to be tainted by this cheating arc and I do not want Eddie Diaz to make a twice-over cheater out of Buck.

When things blow up between them - because it will. It's inevitable - I want it to be because Buck is finally seeing Eddie as he is: a flawed, fucked up, traumatised man with layers of guilt so dense they've solidified into an iron cast around Eddie. I want it to be because Eddie has been lying to him, USING him to get free time to see his sidepiece, using CHRIS as a bargaining tool to keep Buck quiet and out of the way. I want it to be because Eddie just needs someone, anyone, his BEST FRIEND to tell him that he's not horrible for this. That his actions are wrong but understandable. That Buck is going to have Eddie's back in this like he does for everything else.

And when it's proven that Buck isn't going to back him, I want Eddie to lash out. I want him to drag up the Lucy of it all, I want him to make a dig at Tommy. I want him to fight dirty about it and I want Buck to fight right back. I want it to be explosive and heated and insane. I want them both to say things they don't mean, and I want BUCK to be the one who walks out.

I want Eddie to crash and burn with the guilt of it and confess to Marisol and Kim, and I want them to drop him faster than he can apologise.

I want him to try and come clean to Chris, only for Chris to get mad at him too because "You keep doing this! You keep trying to find me a new mom and I don't want one! I don't need one!" I want him to be angry and hurt because what Eddie does in his personal life affects Chris too, and Eddie CLEARLY isn't thinking about that right now.

I need it messy. I need it agonising. I need it raw.

I do NOT want this to be the lead-in to buddie or even a queer awakening arc. I need this to be THE wakeup call that Eddie has been in dire need of since Shannon died. I need this to be the moment where Eddie realises that he doesn't need to be a boyfriend or a husband to be happy.

(And then I need someone to drag him kicking and screaming to Frank's office and put that man back through therapy because CLEARLY he needs more of it.)

[simplylupin]

Vertigo and Eddie Diaz

because the connection has been made between eddie's current arc and hitchcock's vertigo, i thought i'd give my two cents on the topic as a mediocre film student whose had to study vertigo for two years of her life

so here's a basic (very over-simplified) summary of vertigo for those who are unfamiliar

The protagonist, Scottie, is a policeman who took a break/was discharged/retired because he couldn't save a fellow police officer from falling off a building to his death

Because of this he suffers from vertigo and/or fear of heights

He's hired by his old friend Gavin to follow Gavin's wife, Madeline, for fear that she's been possessed by someone called Carlotta Valdez

He does so, and slowly falls in love with Madeline - and her him

We also learn that Scottie's best friend Midge is in love with him, but he's too obsessed with Madeline to notice Midge

Him and Madeline go to a church bell tower where Madeline seemingly offs herself by jumping off

Some time later, Scottie goes to Madeline's old hotel room, and finds a woman called Judy who looks exactly like Madeline

She agrees to go on a date with him

We, the audience, find out that Judy actually is Madeline (and vise versa). She was hired by Gavin to pretend to be Madeline.

Scottie grows more and more obsessed, forcing Judy to change her appearance to look like Madeline

He makes the connection that Madeline and Judy are the same person, and drives her to the bell tower

He forces her up the tower, over coming his fear of heights

Once at the top, they have a confrontation

A nun appears, scaring Judy and she once more falls to her death (really this time)

So, from what I've gathered, the loose connection between characters is:

Scottie = Eddie

Madeline = Shannon

Midge = Buck

Judy = Kim

The Nun = Marisol

Scottie's unable to save his fellow police officer. Eddie was unable to 'save' the people he pulled out the helicopter: "I pulled them out. But I didn't save them." Because of this he suffers from immense guilt and PTSD (as seen in his season 5 arc). He's unable to move on and this hinders him to a certain extent - just like Scottie.

After Shannon's death, he's thrown through the loop again, with the added bonus of him not having been able to save her too. Scottie's job was to save Madeline, and he failed at that, resulting in her 'death'.

Eddie is constantly trying to find a woman to fill that role of Shannon in his and Christopher's life; we see this with both Ana and now Marisol. He's looking for her in them. Scottie does the same - he visits the places he went with Madeline, he goes to her old room.

Eddie finds Kim, Scottie finds Judy.

For a little while, Judy helps Scottie get over and get closure on Madeline. She fills that empty space and allows him to move on. This is what I think Kim is going to do for Eddie.

She looks so much like Shannon but she simply isn't her. We know in later episodes that Buck is going to meet her and proclaim that she's "nothing like Shannon." There's a clear distinction there - Eddie is only seeing Shannon in her because he wants to, because he's still holding onto that idea. I think Kim is going to be the closing point of this ongoing search for Shannon's 'replacement'; someone who looks exactly like Shannon should be perfect, right? But when she too doesn't 'fill' that role that surely must spark some sort of realisation in Eddie, because if not her then who.

For Scottie, he feels betrayed by Judy. He brings her to the last place he saw Madeline, and ultimately, indirectly, causes her death. Obviously I don't believe Kim is actually going to die, but more the idea of her. She's the final chapter of him pursuing Shannon's ghost.

Midge is Scottie's best friend. They met in college and were engaged for a few weeks before breaking up. They spend a lot of time together, staying at each other's houses and going out. She helps Scottie through his vertigo and acrophobia, and tries to 'bring him back' in his grief. At one point, Midge paints her face onto a painting of Carlotta Valdez, showing that she's there and ready for Scottie's love, if he's willing to give it to her.

I believe, in this scenario, Buck takes on her role (for seemingly obvious reasons). Him and Eddie are best friends, they do so much together, he helps Eddie when he's struggling etc etc. Midge is the idea of the 'other woman', someone who is right in front of Scottie's eyes, someone whose always been there for him. However, Scottie is too obsessed and fixated on Madeline that he can't see this and continually brushes it away. You see where I'm going here...

Although Buck potentially doesn't even realize it himself, he has taken on Shannon's role in the Diaz family for years. Eddie already has the 'replacement' for Shannon that he's so desperately been searching for right in front of his eyes.

In Vertigo, Judy and Madeline are the same person, whereas Shannon and Kim are obviously not. However, the comparison still stands.

Scottie meets Judy and immedietely latches onto her because she looks so much like Madeline (duh) and he is so desperate for anything that'll keep Madeline's memory with him. He makes her undergo a series of phsyical changes (dyeing her hair, changing her wardrobe, her style etc etc) so that she appears more like Madeline - so he can get that closure and pretend.

Eddie clearly isn't going to do this to Kim. However, whatever way you spin it, he is projecting Shannon onto her. He saw her, and thought of Shannon, he pursued her because of that, he's doing all this because of Shannon. He is chasing that closure and that moment were he can be like 'Ah. I've finally found someone who can be Shannon for me and Chris.'

I doubt Kim is going to be around particularly long. As much as it sounds diminishing, she really is just a tool for Eddie to have this realization that nobody can replace Shannon, and that that's okay. He doesn't need to find Shannon 2.0.

Now, in Vertigo, when Scottie and Judy are arguing on the bell tower, a nun appears from the shadows and startles them - causing Judy to fall to her death. It's a very abrupt and out of nowhere.

The character of the nun, I think could represent either one of two things. Marisol, as we know, used to be a nun (i'm still not over this btw). That's a pretty straight-forward, clear cut comparison. The nun causes Judy to die, Marisol causes 'Shannon', and the idea of Shannon, to 'die'. This interpretation leans more heavily on Marisol and Eddie staying together, however, so I'm not sure.

The nun could also just represent religion as a whole, and Eddie's Catholic guilt particularly. Eddie tells Bobby that he only really married Shannon because he felt like he had to, he felt pressured into it because of his religious guilt. Despite this, "There was still a part of me that loved being married to her."

There's no doubt in my mind that Eddie loved Shannon. He did, they loved each other, and he still does love her - he always will. I do think that the choice of focussing on his marriage to her and how he "loved being married to her" is interesting though, he doesn't try to clarify that he was in love with her. This could just be because it's a given orrr

Whatever, not really the point.

The point is, the fact he's now "awakened" his Catholic guilt by finding out Marisol was a nun, must mean something for his upcoming arc. In Vertigo, the nun kills Judy. Here, his religious guilt 'kills' the idea of Shannon??

I'll definitely have more ideas about this later but this was my word vomit for now! Let me know what you think please.

(Also something I find funny is that the actress of Madeline/Judy is called Kim!)

[hotshotsxyz]

7x10 coda. beware the spoilers

Three months pass, and Eddie still isn’t used to it. It’s too quiet at home, and too awful at work, and he still grabs two bowls every morning even though he’s the only one eating.

He thinks about quitting, again. Leaving behind Captain Asshole and following Christopher to Texas. He knows he can’t. He’d promised. Eddie clenches his fists and forces himself to finish buttoning his uniform.

He sends Christopher a text, the same one he sends every morning, then shuts his phone in his locker.

“Line up in five,” Gerrard bellows from the loft. “If you’re late, you’ll be scrubbing the rig with a toothbrush, no exceptions.”

Eddie stands mechanically and walks over to the bay.

Another day, another goddamn reason to bury himself in blankets and hide until the world ends.

Buck invites him over for dinner most nights, or offers to go home with him. Eddie says no more than he says yes, but Buck… Buck’s always known Eddie better than he knows himself. He doesn’t stop asking.

“C’mon Eddie, it’ll be fun—you, me and Tommy, we can come up with ways to drive Gerrard insane.”

Buck looks at him, soft and imploring, an expression Eddie rarely knows how to refuse. But despite everything that’s happened, Buck’s managed to carve out a small sliver of happiness, and Eddie doesn’t want to drag him down.

“You go ahead,” he says. “I’m picking up half a shift at  the 136 tomorrow. Need to get some sleep.”

It’s true and it’s not. He is picking up the shift, but he doubts he’ll sleep.

He goes back to therapy, but he never knows what to say. It was all—everything was in his head, last time. It’s not, now. It’s all real, and it all hurts, and no amount of talking about it makes it hurt any less. He says as much to Frank.

“Then why are you here?” Frank asks.

Eddie looks away. “I don’t know,” he says.

That’s not quite true either.

Kim calls him, and Marisol doesn’t. She leaves voicemail after voicemail, apologizing for that night. Eddie can never bring himself to answer the phone. Eventually, he blocks her number.

He texts his own apology to Marisol, but it never goes through. It’s probably for the best—he doubts the message would’ve made either of them feel better.

Eddie needs—he doesn’t know. Before, he would’ve said time. Now though, he’s got all the time in the world, and he’s desperate to get rid of it.

Buck calls. Eddie can’t answer him, either. He lets it ring out, then listens to the voicemail.

“Hey Eds, it’s me. I uh—just wanted to check in. It’s been a couple days. Call me when you can.”

Eddie tells himself he will, but he has no idea when that’ll be.

Christopher doesn’t text him, but he does text Buck.

Eddie never asks what he says, and Buck usually doesn’t offer to tell him.

“Just—he’s okay, right?”

Buck smiles, a little bit sad, and leans into Eddie’s space. “He’s okay,” he says. “He misses you, even if he’s not ready to tell you that.”

Tears streak down Eddie’s face before he even realizes he’s crying. Buck wipes one away and pulls him against his chest.

“What if he never comes home,” Eddie whispers into the soft material of Buck’s sweater.

“He will,” Buck replies. “He will.”

Good morning, Eddie texts on the one hundred and second day since Christopher left. I love you, and I hope you have a good day.

He drops his phone on the table and tries not to hope for a response. A second later, though, it dings. Eddie’s heart leaps into his throat as he scrambles to open the message.

Morning, Dad.

[911onao3]

I close my eyes and all I see is you, buddie, 3,5k words, mature

“Dad. Has anyone ever told you that you’re gay? I think you might be gay.” Chris finally asks the question we have all wanted to ask Eddie Diaz for years.

“Dad. Has anyone ever told you that you’re gay? I think you might be gay.”

“I’m sorry?”

“I’m just saying, Dad. It would kinda… track. You know. With your history and everything.”

“Chris, what are you talking about? I’m not gay.”

“Dad.”

“Why would you even think that? I mean, not that there would be anything wrong with that, obviously, I know a lot of gay people and I love them and you know I would still love you if–”

“Dad! I know that, but I’m not gay. You are.”

Eddie pulls the car over. They’re on their way home from the El Paso Museum of Archaeology. After Chris moved in with Eddie and quit playing chess, they’ve been using the newly opened time slot to try to mend their relationship again by trying different things together. Slowly but surely they’ve opened up to each other and Eddie feels like they’re almost back to where they were before everything went down.

They’ve been talking about Shannon. About Kim. You made a mistake, Dad. And I just needed some space. About how Helena and Ramon kept Eddie in the dark and how they had been doing the same to Chris, thinking they were doing what was best for them both. They had been wrong. What was best for Eddie and Chris was for them to just… talk it out. It might not have worked right after it happened, but if Eddie had been brave enough he would have made it happen sooner than this. But he hadn’t been brave enough.

You don’t need to protect me, Dad. But it was hard. Protecting Chris was engraved in Eddie’s whole being. He had sworn from the day Chris was born that he was going to protect him from everything bad this cruel world had to offer, but he had failed, over and over and over again. Leaving him with Shannon. Twice. Having her leave him with Eddie. Leaving for LA with no plan for Chris. The tsunami. Chris running away. Kim. Not stopping Chris from leaving. Not going after Chris when he left. Waiting for Chris to say he wanted to come home. Waiting too long to go back to El Paso. He had failed countless times. The car comes to a stop.

Eddie sighs. “Care to share why you’ve come to this conclusion?”

“I think you’re gay,” Chris says, smiling with his whole face. “And in love with Buck. You’re always talking to him.”

Eddie’s heart skips a beat. Buck? That is, in fact, hilarious, he thinks. He is totally laughing out loud right now, slapping-his-knee-laughing-out-loud. Hollering. Except he’s not. He just sits there, hands still on the wheel, staring at Chris with his eyebrows up to his hairline.

“Dad, come on. It would make a lot of sense.”

“Chris. You know I’m straight. I loved your mom.”

“See? Loved mom. That’s past tense.”

“I will always love your mom.”

“Did you love Ana?”

He hadn’t loved Ana. That’s the reason it didn’t work out. He had wanted to love Ana so badly. She was the picture perfect person for him, and for Chris. Everything he wanted. Or, everything he thought he wanted in a partner. “No, I didn’t.” He owes Chris to be honest with what he does know, after all their progress.

“And Marisol?”

“I– no. No.”

“And Buck?”

His heart skips a beat again. Of course he loves Buck. But not like that .

“Chris. I love Buck, but he and I are just best friends, you know that. Just because he came out as bi doesn’t mean I am too.”

“I know that, dad. I said that you’re gay .”

He groans. “Please stop. We need to get home, it’s getting late.”

“Come on, Dad.”

Eddie signals and pulls out in traffic again. “I’m not gay. Okay? I’ve never even thought about it, anyway.”

Chris huffs. “Well, maybe that’s the point I’m trying to make.”

Eddie just shakes his head and doesn’t say anything. He’s not gay.

-

He’s… maybe a little gay, actually, when he thinks about it.

Eddie went to bed early. Chris was in his room on his computer anyway and was done hanging out with him for the day, and Eddie had no interest in rotting in front of the TV as he had done other nights. And Buck was on shift so he couldn’t talk to him either, not that he wanted to tell Buck about this anyway. He shifts in bed and tries to find a comfortable position, but everything feels uncomfortable. He tries for another ten minutes, maybe, before he gives in and grabs his phone from the bedside table.

“how do you know if you’re gay”

You feel sexually aroused when you see attractive people of the same gender as you. You've had crushes on people of the same gender as you in the past. Your past opposite-sex relationships have felt "off," uncomfortable, or not romantic or sexual. You have sexual fantasies about people of the same gender as you.

Eddie reads that third sentence again. Your past opposite-sex relationships have felt “off”, uncomfortable. Oh. He clicks in on the wikiHow article and scrolls down a little.

4. Reflect on your past relationships and how they made you feel. You can be gay even if you’ve had straight relationships in the past. Okay. Right. He continues reading. Think about who you dated in the past and how comfortable you felt in the relationship. Shannon. He loved her. Ana. She was nice. Marisol. Well. Ask yourself if you felt attracted to this person and what type of attraction you felt. This can help you figure out if you might be queer.

Eddie had been attracted to them. They’d had sex, and it had felt good. Maybe they’d never… done anything more than the normal stuff. He liked going down on them, them going down on him. He liked the way their soft skin felt under his fingers, and how nice it felt to be inside them. But anything else hadn’t really been interesting to him. With Shannon, they were still teens, and after she got pregnant, they tried to sometimes but it had felt wrong. And after Chris was born… he left. And then she left. And came back. And they used sex instead of talking. And with Ana... they didn’t sleep together until a while into their relationship, mostly because of Chris. But Marisol was a different thing. They had so much sex, all the time. But that stopped when he found out about the nun thing. But that was just the Catholic guilt, right? He scrolls down again until he finds something else that sounds interesting.

wikiHow Quiz: Am I Gay? Well. It won’t hurt. First question. Have you ever had feelings for a same-gender close friend?

These answers are… interesting. I think so. That’s why I’m taking this quiz. Well, he had never thought about it before. Wait, what’s the difference between a friendship and a crush? Shannon was his best friend when they got together. She made him feel warm and safe, and she made him laugh. She never made him nervous. Ana and Marisol had made him feel nervous. He had a panic attack at the thought of Ana being Chris’ mom. Marisol made him panic too, eventually. Oh. Don’t think so, but we’re so close people joke that we’re dating. Buck is his best friend. He makes him feel warm and safe. He makes Eddie laugh. Nope. We’re just friends.

He exits the browser and opens up the photos app and scrolls that instead. He doesn’t take that many photos, really, but the ones he has are of Chris, him and Chris, Chris and Buck. Him, Chris and Buck. Buck alone. Eddie takes a deep breath and sighs, long and loudly. Buck.

He rubs his eyes and chuckles, and opens up a picture he took of Buck a while back, standing in Eddie’s kitchen, apron on, holding out a dish looking so proud that Eddie just had to take a picture. Looked like one of those people who pose with a fish. But it’s Buck in an apron and Eddie is… so in love. He doesn’t need the quiz anymore.

He looks at the time and he really did go to bed early, it’s not even nine in LA. He calls Buck.

Buck answers quickly, and he sounds a bit worried. “Hey, Eddie, is everything alright? Is Chris okay?” Oh, right, Buck is on shift. He forgot.

“Everything’s fine! I just… um. How’s it going? You at work?” Eddie swears he needs to stop acting on impulse again.

“We just got back from a call, some kid got stuck in a swing. Got him out, safe and sound!” Buck’s voice is calm again and it makes Eddie’s whole body feel warm, knowing he will always want to know if Chris is okay first. Eddie loves him.

“That’s nice to hear. Kids, man.” Kids, man?

“So, what did you and Chris do tonight?”

“We uh– we went to a museum we haven’t been to before. It was fun. Nothing happened, really.” A lot of things had happened, actually.

“Eddie, are you sure you’re alright?”

“Yeah. I’m fine. I just wanted to… say hi.” He hesitates for a second and his voice goes a little quieter. “I miss you.”

Buck’s voice is soft when he replies. “I miss you too.” And then the alarm goes off. “I need to go. I’ll call you tomorrow, okay? Bye, bye, bye!” And he hangs up.

Eddie groans. How could he not know ?

Okay. So, he knows he’s in love with Buck. Chris was right about that. But the gay thing? Is he attracted to Buck? Is he attracted to men ? He had been honest with Chris that he had never thought about it. His mind had never even gone there. But Buck’s hadn’t either. He opens up his browser again, but this time he clicks incognito mode and grabs his AirPods. He only puts in one so he can still hear Chris if he needs something but he won’t risk him hearing what Eddie was about to do.

He’s familiar with the ordeal if he is in a rush to get off and his mind is tired. It isn’t often he does this, usually he does it in the shower. No clean up necessary, as a stress relief after work. When he does do this however, he searches for those real-life couple videos. He likes it when it feels like they actually enjoy it and there’s no exaggerating. This time, however, he adds “gay” to his search. His pulse goes up and he already feels his boxers tightening. Oh, that’s… interesting.

He clicks on a video with a good enough title and a thumbnail that doesn’t look too vulgar. He takes a deep breath and presses play. The two men in the video are on a bed, dressed in t-shirts and sweats, just kissing softly. One of them is stroking the other one’s face with his thumb and the other one’s hand is rubbing his side, fingers slowly exposing skin and Eddie shivers . He’s already hard. This does it for him? When he’s been watching porn before, he usually has to get to the actually fucking parts before he’s even there. He palms himself for relief.

The men in the video start grinding against each other and he can see their hard cocks through their sweats. The one who was rubbing his side slides his whole hand under the shirt and pulls it up, making them break the kiss to remove it. Sitting up, he can clearly see their tented sweats. Eddie groans as quietly as he can, looking over at the door to see that it’s really closed before he starts rubbing at his cock through his boxers.

He continues watching as they undress each other just to their boxers and the one on top has kissed his way down his body to mouth at the wet spot that’s clearly showing. Eddie’s sure his looks the same. He closes his eyes and thinks about Buck doing that to him. His lips would be swollen after all the kissing, his eyes would be big, the arousal making the blue almost disappear. He imagines Buck’s big, calloused hands, fingernails bitten down to the skin, stroking his hard cock through his boxers and he has to put his phone down to the side and put his fist against his mouth to stop the sound coming out from him. The audio keeps playing in his AirPod, but it’s enough. He finally slips his hand inside and wraps it around himself. He thinks about Buck, his hard cock rubbing against his own, their precome mixing, Eddie’s big hands wrapping around them both.

Oh. He’s definitely attracted to Buck. He’s just never… thought about it. And now when he is , he can’t stop. He’s thinking about his eyes, his lips, his birthmark that gets redder when he’s working out. How it would be intensely red during sex. Eddie’s stroking himself fast, imagining how Buck’s body would move against his, how good it would feel to kiss him, to touch him, to be inside him. Eddie comes. Hot and sudden and so intensely fast, just at the thought of fucking Buck. Oh, he’s down bad. The video is still playing in his ear and he’s pretty sure it hasn’t even been five minutes.

So. He’s definitely not straight. Maybe even gay, actually. And he’s in love with Buck. He should get Chris a present.

-

Buck calls him the next day when he gets off shift. Eddie’s dropped Chris off at school and he’s getting himself ready for another day of Uber driving. The only good thing about that is that he can choose his own hours, and right now he can be at home, trying to figure out what to say to Buck. It’s a FaceTime call. Eddie answers. Buck looks so soft.

“Hi.”

“Hey, Eddie. You good?”

He can be brave. This time, he can be brave enough.

“Chris thinks I’m gay. And in love with you.”

He thanks his impulses this time.

“W-what?”

“And he’s right. I am.”

“Eddie, what?”

Eddie takes a breath and he feels his cheeks burn, looking anywhere but directly at Buck.

“Chris asked me if anyone’s ever told me I’m gay. Which no one has, obviously. Never even occurred to me to think that I could be.”

“Eddie–“

“And you know I loved Shannon. She was my best friend.”

“Eddie–“

“And Ana, you know that story. And Marisol–“

“Eddie!”

He looks at Buck again.

“I-I think I’m in love with you too?”

Oh.

“I mean. I couldn’t– I wasn’t– you’re straight. Or was. Maddie told me it wouldn’t be so crazy.”

“You’ve talked to Maddie? About that?”

“Eddie. I-I couldn’t sleep in your house for days after I moved out of the loft. And then I couldn’t shut up about you to Ravi at work and then he brought me Tommy at the bar and w-we hooked up and he left after he accused you of being his competition! The whole time!”

Eddie’s heart beats fast. “You brought… Tommy to the house?”

“That’s not the point, Eddie. He implied I had feelings for you and I said, no, of course I don’t have feelings for you because you’re straight. But–”

“Was that your reason?”

“Uh–”

Eddie starts laughing. Wholeheartedly laughing. For real, this time. “Wait, when does Maddie come in in all of this?”

“I kinda ran to her place after Tommy left and told her what had happened. And I told her I was not in love with you. Because you’re straight.” He pauses. “But you’re not.”

“I’m not.” He feels so high that he doesn’t even try to stop himself from saying it. “I got off thinking about you last night.”

Buck goes bright red. “Oh?”

“I– It was like a light switch, Buck. I had no idea. I’ve never let myself think about it.”

There’s a spark in Buck’s eyes now. The same spark he had seen when he had flipped the iPad in Eddie’s kitchen. “What did you think about, Eddie?”

“Oh. I, um, I watched some porn.” He coughs. “Gay porn. And all I could think about was you. Doing those things. To me.” His face is still burning.

“And you liked it? Thinking about me?”

“You could say that. I don’t even think they were fully undressed by the time I came.” Eddie shifts in his seat, the picture of last night fully in his mind right now. “I only kinda half-listened to it. Was imagining you.”

Buck moans a little. “Oh, and uh, what did I do? In your mind?”

“We were in bed. You on top of me. Kissing my neck… touching me.” Eddie is straining against his jeans, desperate to touch himself. Buck looks like he is in a similar situation, his face flushed and, yeah, his birthmark does in fact, get redder during arousal. “I could fit my hands around us both.” He finally gives in and zips down his jeans, freeing himself and puts his hand around his swollen cock again. The relief is instant and he moans very loudly. “And then I lost it when I imagined fucking you.”

Buck groans at that. “ God , Eddie, I want you to fuck me.”

“I don’t want to think about God right now, Buck. Not in the same sentence as fucking you.”

Buck snorts. “Sorry. Forgot you have that Catholic guilt thing going on.”

That gets another genuine laugh out of Eddie. “I love you, Buck. No Catholic guilt about that. It’s in fact the most not guilty I’ve ever felt about anything.” And he means it.

He gets a soft look up at him. “I– I love you too, Eddie. I think I didn’t let myself think about it because I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to stop, if I did.”

“Do you want to come and visit us soon?”

“What I would like to do, right now, is to come , Eddie. We can talk about visiting after. Please .”

Eddie scoffs. “Yeah. Okay. I’m right there with you.” He points his camera down at his cock. “See?” The precome is literally dripping.

Buck lets out a sound he’s never heard him make before and does the same. “I wish I could touch you. I want to suck you off. I need to suck you off.”

“Keep talking, Buckley,” he says, and the look he gets as a response is everything. His mind goes back to the night when Buck told him he was going to sublet his house and giving up a part of his life for him. Eddie loves him so much, and he wonders for how long he actually has. Probably always.

Buck is stroking himself fast now, panting into the microphone. The camerawork is under all criticism but Eddie doesn’t care. He knows he doesn’t need much now, either. Seeing Buck like this is enough. “I am going to suck you off until you see stars and then I want you to fuck me. I want you to fuck me so deep that you will never want to do anything else ever again.”

Eddie groans loudly as he comes all over his hand. Buck seems to follow right after, phone tossed to the side as the wet sounds stop. A moment later, he’s back on the screen, face flushed and his bottom lip caught on his teeth. They’re just looking at each other now, and they both chuckle. “That was… nice.” Eddie says. “Can’t wait for us to do it for real.” Buck somehow nods and shakes his head at the same time.

“Yeah. I have some PTO saved.” Buck says. “I think Bobby will gladly approve it, after these weeks. He too got an earful of your name the first shift after you left, not just Ravi. But he also kept calling for you instead of him. Poor guy, really, big shoes to fill. I should apologize.” Buck looks like he really feels bad about it.

“If we play our cards right, maybe he doesn’t need to fill them. Maybe he could join us instead.” Eddie smiles fondly as he says the next thing. “I have a feeling Chris would love it if you were to help me ask him if he wants to come home to LA after all of this.”

“Yeah?” Buck’s eyes literally sparkle.

“And I kind of want to keep this a secret until we pick you up from the airport, making a big scene of you arriving, just kissing you like we’re long lost lovers. Or something like that.”

Buck’s face scrunches a little in concern. “Are you sure you want to lie to him again?”

“I think this is the only thing he would find hilarious if we kept from him. As long as you visit, like, as soon as you can because I’m not sure I will be able to keep it a secret for too long. He will notice something is up. Oh, and you need to help me find something nice for him. I need to thank him.”

“For what? Making you gay?”

“For being the best kid in the world.”

[johanna-swann]

You know, I get that Eddie was annoyed with Buck over going full passive-aggressive remarks / petty mode, I get that he was probably trying to convince himself the move to Texas is a good idea when he was talking to the potential renters, I get that even if Buck didn't scare off those renters on purpose it was still a serious problem for Eddie.

But. He also said a whole lot of bullshit, really hurtful bullshit about some of Buck's worst fears and insecurities. And while Buck did everything and I do mean everything by the end of the episode to make it up to Eddie - apologising, calling out his own bad behaviour, admitting the insecurities it all stemmed from, renting Eddie's house himself, telling him he was of course right to do whatever he can for Chris and organising a farewell team dinner as a gesture of goodwill to top it off - Eddie did fuck all. He barely admitted that he isn't in love with the idea of leaving LA and that was it.

I didn't expect him to grovel or get on his knees and thank Buck for his generosity (that's ridiculous), but he didn't acknowledge that he behaved badly at all? What he did was dig his grave deeper. Instead of saying "I didn't mean that thing you overheard" or "of course you matter too, but I don't feel like I have a choice here" he went the opposite direction and accused Buck of spying and trying to get Eddie to pick him over Christopher??? Eddie sweetheart, I know repression is your middle name and you can get tunnel vision because of that, but holy fuck. You're acting like an arsehole. Get some perspective man.

(Elaboration on that tunnel vision thing under the cut.)

On the one hand I'm tempted to blame this on the overall shit writing for season 8, but this kind of has precedent going back many seasons. When Eddie maneuvers himself into a tight spot, he represses his doubts, puts on his blinders and doubles down on the path he chose.

He did it when he started hanging out with Kim last season, never thinking about what the hell he was doing and only told Kim the truth / decided to stop seeing her after he was confronted by Buck. He didn't think about how insane that situation was, how it wasn't fair to Kim, how (even if he was only trying to be her friend, nothing more) he still lied to Marisol to sneak around with a woman he didn't want her to know about, how this could blow up in his face if Chris got wind of it. And then it did blow up in his face and he expected Buck to fix the tension with Christopher for him "like he always does". He did admit he fucked up and he is making something of an effort to repair his relationship with Chris, but he still isn't in therapy, still doesn't talk about Shannon and still does only what he thinks is right instead of asking literally anyone for advice.

During season 5 he distanced himself from the team, refused to talk to Buck about how he was doing because "he has moved on and so should Buck", quit his job basically over night, his mental health worsened and he only stopped charging ahead blindly when he had a major breakdown. I'm not blaming him for this per se, mental illness is a bitch, but it is another example for a well established pattern of behaviour.

Season 4 and 5, he's in a relationship with Ana and he doesn't love her, but she's a nice girl and a good girlfriend who gets along well with his son, this is what he is supposed to do, right? It is Buck who has to sit him down and tell him to maybe consider Ana's feelings, how shitty she must feel or will feel when she realises how invested she is in a relationship with a man who doesn't love her.

Season 3, the "divorce arc" / fight club era. Buck didn't sue Eddie personally. He sued the boss who unrightfully kept him from his job and the institution he worked for. He had lost his job, was probably hanging out 80% less with his entire social circle than before the bombing, had almost died twice and was still recovering. This had nothing to do with Eddie personally and yet Eddie got majorly pissed. Didn't even try to see Buck's perspective. And personally I don't think Buck should've sued. I think he should've gone to the union or tried talking to Bobby again or at least get one of their mutual friends in on this to get their advice (Hen or Chim maybe). But Eddie while in a rough spot himself went full tunnel vision again and put all of the blame for basically everything that sucked about the situation for him on Buck. Who later apologised unlike Eddie who only gratiously forgave Buck.

Season 2 Eddie had an affair with his wife who he was separated from at the time while refusing to let her see their child. He treated her like a dirty secret, had her sneak out the back door, only contacted her to begin with because he needed something from her. He eventually started being nicer to her and they started spending time as a family again, but Eddie did all of this with his "this is how it's supposed to be" goggles on. She was his wife, they had a kid together, this is the path they're supposed to take. No other options to be considered. Even 6 years later he still hasn't really accepted that Shannon didn't want to be his wife anymore and he ignored his Shannon complex for years.

This is a well established pattern. When Eddie has decided that he is in the right and that his plan is the best one then he sticks to it no matter what, he stops considering other opinions and will trample over other people's feelings in the process.

Not saying he isn't overall a kind person who wants to do right by other people, but he has this particular flaw and for someone who expects his best friend to always have his back no matter what he sure neglects reciprocating that sentiment a lot.

[exhuastedpigeon]

They won't do it, but I think 9-1-1 should have some of Buck and Eddie's exes show up in the episode leading up to them getting together, just to remind the audience (and Buck and Eddie) where they've been and why they didn't work out.

They run into Taylor while she's covering a major traffic accident as a throwback to her time doing traffic.

They run into Ali on a call at some architecture firm where she's doing design work.

They run into Ana during a call to her school because there was a small fire in the science lab.

They run into Natalia at another living funeral where a guest had a heart attack.

They run into Marisol on a call at a hardware store.

They run into Tommy when both their teams are called to the same disaster.

Each time they run into one of them we're reminded why they broke up and maybe we even get a shot of the ex looking at Buck and Eddie like 'hmmmm' because there's something there that's maybe be there the whole time, but it's brighter and more obvious now.

Taylor wanted the truth and story more than Buck. On the call she's focused on figuring out who causes the accident instead of staying out of the first responders way.

Ali couldn't handle the stress of being with a first responder. On the call there's a near miss where Buck is almost hurt, but Eddie pulls him out of the way.

Eddie didn't want a ready made family with Ana and Ana's married now and pregnant.

Marisol and Eddie broke up because of the Kim situation, but that relationship was surface level even before that and Eddie didn't seem all that invested, so maybe they don't even interact at all.

And finally on the call with Tommy there's a brief hello but then it's the Buck and Eddie show, proving once again that Buck will always choose Eddie, that Eddie isn't the competition, Eddie's the whole damn game for Buck. Just like Buck is for Eddie.

Throughout all the interactions we also get to see Buck and Eddie's reactions to the other person seeing their ex. Eddie interrupts Buck and Taylor. Buck makes an awkward joke to break the even more awkward tension between Eddie and Ana. Eddie doesn't interact with Tommy at all.

And then we get the two of them alone and there's tension there, but not like any of the tension we saw with the exes. No this tension is something else entirely. They walk into the house after shift and it's just the two of them looking at each other in the living room.

Buck steps forward until he's right in front of Eddie, he reaches out and puts a hand on Eddie's shoulder in a mirror of all the times Eddie has done that to him. His eyes are big and soft. He says, "M-maybe I'm misreading things and this is going to ruin our friendship, but is there any chance you're in love with me too?"

Eddie smiles and it fades to black, episode over.

[lover-of-mine]

This is gonna be a very weird color meta on Eddie, so strap in, I guess🫶

Okay, so, during season 7 Eddie didn't have a lot of color attached to him, while he is usually in neutral tones, he had no color except for a few specific color theory moments (the green to match the blue with Buck during 704 and 706, the pink from the bachelor party) until 707 and the Kim of it all, where he gets some color until 709 when we see him having that release of feeling moment with Shannon's ghost with the white shirt, he's mostly in black, he is in white/off-white on the dates with Marisol, but it is still technically no color.

Then in 710 we see him in 4 different outfits, 2 blue ones, a maroon one and a green one.

A while back I tried to offer the possibility that the show is using maroon for Eddie in the same way they use green for Buck (you can read more about this here) and I also have this running theory that the thing Eddie is chasing is color.

When you look at Eddie's relationships after Shannon died, the women aren't really allowed color, unless the context is attached to Christopher. It was worse for Marisol than it is for Ana, Ana was allowed some baby blue shirts, Marisol was trapped in a greyscale, except for the chaperoning date and the lunch Eddie was daydreaming Shannon.

But why is he chasing color? Shannon had a very bright and warm color palette.

And when contrasted with Eddie's earthy tones, that color attached to her stands out. The show goes as far as making Shannon a point of color in the room during 213. The orange she's wearing makes her stand out. And I think in some weird metaphorical way, Eddie has been looking for that since she died.

I have a running theory that the same way Buck found his blue during his coming out arc, everything about it is blue and yellow, but Buck himself is blue, all leading to the coming out scene, because the blue he is wearing there makes for an extremely harmonic composition. (you can read more about that theory here and about the blue and yellow in general here and here)

But to make a really long theory short, considering the colors in the coming out scene and the way that Buck matches the background, and Eddie is front of a yellow background while in a color that absorbs all colors and doesn't allow him to reflect anything, I am making the jump that Eddie is gonna find his yellow.

But here's the thing, yellow is attached to tragedy in Eddie's life through the people he loves. Shannon died in yellow, Chris is in yellow during the tsunami, during the breakdown and when he leaves.

So, it's not like the warmth he's seeking here has a great connotation when it's detached from him, but if the goal here is to make him okay with himself, to lead him to a place where Eddie is the yellow, could have some fun color theory implications.

But how did I get here? Because of the white in 709 and party hats. First the white. A few noticeable moments Eddie is wearing white is in 218 when his parents try to convince him to go back to Texas, 301 when he drops Chris off with Buck before the tsunami, in 511 before the breakdown, and in 709 when he's talking to Shannon's ghost through Kim.

And when you think about white as a color of innocence or hope, and the way the show puts Eddie in white as shit hits the fan, the use of white with Eddie is very interesting in this context too. Because these are all situations where Eddie is in a bad place and thinks he's doing the right thing that eventually leads to something awful, so the white leaves that positive connotation of "I hope I'm doing the right thing" straight into the coldness, emptiness, isolation idea. White is used a lot as a color of change, to signify the ending of a cycle or the beginning of a new one, it's why some cultures have white as a color for births, some have for funeral, why we use it at new years, so I think the white in 709 was kickstarting something.

And the hats, or maybe more than the hats.

I talked about this with @dangerpronebuddie but I never made a post about this possibility because it is a bit of a reach even by my own standards. We established Buck found his blue.

Chris is red, in a sense, his glasses are red, his crutches are red, the color Eddie picks for his party is red. (Buck is also very red when it comes to emotionally vulnerable moments, but that's not really relevant right now lol)

Eddie is greenish in general. I feel like a lot of us associate him with army green and it would make sense. But green is not a primary color. Not unless you are talking about physics and light.

Red, blue, yellow. Chris is the red, Buck is the blue. And I think on some level, Shannon's death is the yellow. Things that define the way Eddie lives his life. But, well, he can't exist as a secondary color.

Okay, but what does this have to do with party hats?

He is in 2 colors that have red as a base, orange and a very reddish brown, a representation of the thing he misses, while also learning into someone else who's red.

Because it is interesting to break down that orange into the base colors Eddie is trying to make up for, the fact that he cannot give Chris Shannon back or get Chris to come back. Especially with the way Buck is red and he's trying to make up for the space Chris left.

All of this to say, I think there's some real intense color theory going around here, because the cupcakes were a combination of blue, yellow, red and orange, and we saw Ryan in what's presumably an sandy yellow Eddie outfit. And I think he will work towards some sort of honey/gold yellow as he finds himself, to mirror the colors of Buck's coming out scene.

I think that's all for today. I woke up with this thought in my head, figured I might as well share it lol

If you read all this, I love you 🫶

Tagging the people who interacted with this about being tagged in my metas, you can do that too if you wanna be tagged

@sparkedblaze @caw-salem @dreamofsomepiphany @100ceruleaneyes @linus-lucy @chaosqueery @gina-spike @chimchiminie98 @elvensorceress @dangerpronebuddie @ijustdontlikepeople @182daysof @steadfastsaturnsrings @sparklespiff @inell @miles--to--go @jesuisici33 @wolfdeans @dingdongfries @lunarsolar1 @thegreenwoodarcher @angelcamael @glasscities @kejfeblintz

[fordiaz]

Leaving it Behind (Eddie Diaz) ⊹ ࣪ ˖🕰️୭˚. ᵎᵎ

“But I need you to know I’m trying. I’m trying to be the man you deserve. And I want to be the person you can trust.” 🤎ྀིྀི⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖ ࣪🎻

Synopsis: After a string of broken promises and a failed relationship with Marisol, Eddie Diaz returns to El Paso hoping to rebuild his life—for Christopher, and for himself. There, he meets someone new: grounded, kind, and refreshingly honest. For the first time in a long time, Eddie allows himself to believe he can start over. But when a trip back to Los Angeles threatens to unearth the parts of him he swore he’d left behind, both he and the woman he’s falling for are forced to confront a difficult question: can you truly move forward if you’re still tied to the past?

Genre: Angst

AU: None

Pairing: Eddie Diaz x Nurse!Reader

Warnings: Cheating because all men are dogs, Bobby’s funeral (😭), Eddie’s MESSY love life.

Note: I decided to be a menace for once and thought that maybe I should shake it up and try to make something super angsty, especially since I’m already at the point in S7 where Eddie is basically lying to himself and Marisol about Kim. I hope you guys like this, and no, I am not sorry for the gut wretching angst journey you are about to embark on. Happy reading!

El Paso wasn’t where Eddie thought he’d end up again. Not after everything he’d built in LA — the 118, the friendships, the years of growing into someone he could finally look at in the mirror.

But choices had consequences. And sometimes those consequences wore the face of your twelve-year-old son, standing in your parents’ kitchen with clenched fists and eyes rimmed red.

“I know what you did,” Christopher had said. No yelling. Just hurt. Quiet and heavy like a thunderstorm sitting low in the sky. “I know why Marisol left.”

Eddie hadn’t been prepared for that. He wasn’t sure what part stunned him more — the fact that Christopher found out or the way he didn’t scream. He just withdrew. Packed a backpack. Told him he was staying with Abuela and Abuelo “for a while,” because of Eddie’s actions.

Eddie stood there, breath stolen from his lungs. Watching his son walk away like he was just another mistake to sort through. And maybe, in that moment, he was.

He hadn’t meant for things to fall apart with Marisol.

She was safe. Kind. Familiar in ways that didn’t challenge him too much. And that’s exactly why it failed. Because Eddie wasn’t good at being vulnerable with people who didn’t push him past the surface. And when things started unraveling, instead of fixing it, he ran — into a mistake he couldn’t take back.

A one-time thing, a moment of weakness he couldn’t explain even if he tried. But it was enough. It always is.

Marisol had left without slamming the door. Just said she hoped he figured things out — not just for himself, but for Christopher.

But Christopher had already figured things out, and it broke Eddie more than the silence Marisol left behind.

So he packed up. Took a leave. Moved back into the house he grew up in, the one that never felt like home until it held the weight of his guilt.

There were days he didn’t speak much. His parents gave him space. Tiá Pepa dropped off food. Christopher barely made eye contact.

Eddie let it happen. Let the space fill with consequences and time and things he couldn’t erase.

He tried to be there. Tried to show up for every school event, every quiet breakfast. He even helped Christopher with a science project one weekend, and when he said “thanks,” it was the first word they exchanged in three days.

Eddie knew this wasn’t just about infidelity — it was about trust. About Christopher growing up in a world that already felt unpredictable. And now his father, the one constant in his chaos, had proven to be just as unreliable.

So Eddie started from the bottom again.

Therapy twice a week. No excuses. Long runs in the morning before sunrise. Checking in with the rest of the 118 even though it felt like salt in a wound. Keeping in touch with Buck — sporadically, because hearing his voice only reminded Eddie of what he left behind.

But what mattered most was Christopher. And Eddie was ready to earn his place again — not with empty promises, but with consistency. Time. Honesty.

He didn’t know what the future looked like.

El Paso wasn’t LA.

There was no 118, no chaos-driven adrenaline calls, no rhythm to fall into. Just this: a quiet city, a disappointed son, and a man trying to figure out what redemption could even look like.

Eddie hated the new Uber gig — if he was being honest with himself. It wasn’t the driving or the waiting or the awkward small talk; he just missed the uniform. The purpose. The feeling of waking up and knowing exactly who he was.

But ever since moving back to El Paso, he’d needed something to fill the silence. And he wasn’t above rebuilding himself from the ground up — again.

He told himself it was temporary. Just a way to stay busy when Christopher was at school. It gave him a reason to leave the house, clear his head, and, if he was lucky, make enough to buy himself some independence outside his parents’ walls.

He wasn’t expecting you, though.

You were standing on the curb outside a coffee shop, half-lost in your phone and half-wrapped in sunlight.

Your name popped up on his app — quick ride, five stars, “pick-up at 9:20.”

When you climbed into the backseat and greeted him with a smile that could cut through morning haze, something in his chest tightened. He glanced at you through the rearview mirror.

Your sunglasses slid down the bridge of your nose as you adjusted your seatbelt, and when you looked up, you caught his eyes.

“Morning,” you said, voice bright but casual, like the day hadn’t started until just now.

“Morning,” Eddie echoed, mouth dry. “You, uh, heading to work?”

“Something like that. Interview.”

“Good luck,” he said without thinking. “Though you don’t look like you’ll need it.”

You let out a surprised laugh, glancing out the window with a smile tugging at your lips. “Do you usually flirt with your passengers?”

“Only the ones who look like they could ruin my life.”

It was meant to be a joke. A throwaway line. But when your eyes met his in the mirror again, there was a pause — just long enough to feel like maybe neither of you wanted it to be just a joke.

There was something about you. Maybe it was your energy — confident, a little chaotic, alive.

It reminded him of something. Someone. Shannon, maybe. But not quite. This was different.

You talked the whole drive. About how you just moved to El Paso. About trying to find something new after too many years of making yourself small in cities that didn’t deserve you.

Eddie listened. Really listened.

And when you got to your destination, you didn’t get out right away.

“Thanks for the ride, Uber man.”

He grinned. “Eddie.”

“Eddie,” you repeated, like you were trying it out for size. “You always this charming, Eddie?”

“Only when I’m lucky.”

You smirked, thumb hovering over the door handle.

“Well. Maybe I’ll get lucky enough to ride with you again.”

He watched you go, heart doing something he hadn’t felt in a long time. It wasn’t love — not yet. But it was the start of something. He knew it in his bones.

Later that night, he kept checking the app, wondering if he’d ever see your name pop up again.

He didn’t know then that the universe — messy, loud, inconvenient — had already decided.

You weren’t just a passenger. You were going to be something else entirely.

Ever since that day, the evening felt different. Eddie’s house was quiet, the soft hum of the fridge and the faint rattle of the air conditioner the only sounds.

The dim glow of the kitchen light cast shadows on the walls, making everything feel intimate, private.

You sat at the counter, your hands wrapped around a warm mug of coffee, eyes occasionally darting over to Eddie as he moved around the kitchen.

He had a way of doing everything with ease — a methodical rhythm that came with years of practice.

The familiar clink of utensils and the sizzling of something in the pan were oddly comforting. But tonight, it wasn’t just the food that had the atmosphere thick with tension.

You could feel it. There was something on Eddie’s mind. He had been quieter than usual, his smiles more forced, his movements more deliberate.

It was almost as if he was waiting for something — or someone — to make the first move.

You set your mug down, catching his eye. “You alright?”

Eddie paused mid-slice, his knife hovering over the cutting board. He glanced at you, offering a tight smile.

“Yeah, just… thinking.”

You raised an eyebrow, your curiosity piqued. You had been with Eddie for a few months now, enough time to know when something was bothering him.

“About?”

Eddie’s gaze dropped, his focus shifting to the vegetables in front of him. His voice came out low, hesitant.

“A lot of things. Mostly about… what we’re doing here.”

Your heart skipped a beat, sensing the gravity of his words. You knew Eddie was a man who carried a lot of weight on his shoulders.

You’d seen the way he carried the burden of his past, the guilt that still lingered after everything he’d been through. But this — this was something new. Something raw.

You slid off your seat and walked over to him, not saying a word, just standing beside him, close enough that he could feel the warmth of your presence.

“You know you can tell me anything, right?” You whispered, voice softer than you intended.

“I’m not going anywhere, Edmundo.”

Eddie’s eyes flickered to you for a moment, his expression unreadable. Then he exhaled deeply, setting the knife down with a soft clink.

He leaned against the counter, turning towards you fully. His shoulders were tense, his jaw clenched.

He sighed, rubbing a hand over his face before he finally spoke, his voice barely above a whisper.

“I’ve never really told anyone this,” he began, his eyes meeting yours, vulnerable in a way you weren’t used to seeing.

“But I guess… I guess it’s time.”

You stayed quiet, waiting for him to continue. You could feel your heart racing, your chest tightening with the weight of his words.

“You know I screwed up,” Eddie said, his voice thick with guilt.

“With Marisol… With my son. I wasn’t who I should’ve been. I wasn’t even close. I made mistakes — big ones. I hurt people. And I didn’t know how to fix it. So I ran. And that’s what I’ve always done. When things get tough, I run. I shut down, I push people away, and I pretend like it doesn’t matter.”

Eddie’s hands were trembling now, but he didn’t seem to notice. He took a step closer to you, his eyes dark with the weight of his confession.

“I don’t want to do that anymore,” he said, his voice breaking slightly. “I don’t want to run away from this. From you.”

Your breath caught in your throat. “Eddie…”

He held up a hand, his other hand trembling slightly as it reached out to you, brushing your arm with the gentlest of touches.

“I know it’s not going to be easy. I know I’ve got a lot of baggage. But… I want to be better. For you. For Christopher. For me.”

His words hung in the air, heavy and raw.

You could see the sincerity in his eyes, the quiet desperation to make things right, to rebuild what he had broken. And as much as you wanted to believe him, you couldn’t shake the feeling that this — this — was the moment where everything would either fall apart or finally come together.

“I don’t expect you to forgive me for everything,” he added quietly, voice trembling with the weight of his emotions.

“But I need you to know I’m trying. I’m trying to be the man you deserve. And I want to be the person you can trust.”

Your heart ached for him.

You had known there were parts of his past he wasn’t proud of, but hearing him speak so openly about it — the guilt, the shame, the fear of losing you — made it hit home in a way that words couldn’t quite capture.

Eddie had been carrying all of that for so long, and you could feel the weight of it in the room with you. You reached for his hand, gently pulling him closer.

“You don’t have to carry it alone anymore, Eddie. We’re in this together. I’m not going anywhere.”

Eddie’s breath caught in his throat as you spoke, his eyes softening, that same guarded expression starting to melt away. He let out a shaky breath and pulled you into him, his arms wrapping around you tightly.

You could feel the tension in his body, the weight of everything he had been holding back for so long.

“I don’t deserve you,” he muttered against your hair.

You shook your head, pulling back just enough to look into his eyes.

“You’re not perfect. And I’m not expecting you to be. But I’m here. And I know you’re trying. That’s enough for me.”

Eddie closed his eyes, pressing his forehead against yours, the two of you standing there in the quiet of the kitchen.

It wasn’t perfect, not by any means, but it was real. And for the first time in a long time, Eddie felt like maybe — just maybe — he was on the right path.

He let out another breath, slower this time, and opened his eyes. “I don’t know if I can ever make up for the things I’ve done,” he whispered.

“But I’ll spend the rest of my life trying.”

You smiled softly, reaching up to cup his face in your hands.

“You don’t have to make up for everything, Eddie. Just… be here. Be the man you want to be. For you. And for us.”

He leaned down, his lips brushing against your forehead in the softest of kisses.

When he pulled back, his smile was small but genuine, and for the first time in what felt like forever, Eddie truly believed that maybe — just maybe — he could be the man he always wanted to be. And you’d be there, right beside him.

“I’ll try,” he said, voice firm, yet filled with the kind of hope he hadn’t allowed himself to feel in years.

And for the first time in a while, you believed him.

Trust didn’t happen overnight.

It wasn’t born out of one heartfelt conversation or a single night of vulnerability. It had to be built — slowly, steadily, like the way Eddie once learned to rebuild his life after the army, after Shannon, after every time he’d broken something he wanted to keep.

He told you he was trying. And he meant it.

The next morning, he made breakfast before you could even blink — not to impress you, not as some apology in the form of eggs and toast, but just to show he was there.

He passed you your coffee with the exact amount of creamer you liked, no questions asked, as if memorizing the tiniest details about you was his new favorite thing to do.

He didn’t push you to talk about what the night before had meant. He just… let you be. Gave you space but stayed close enough that you knew he wasn’t going anywhere.

And then came the small promises — the ones he didn’t even say out loud.

He texted when he got home from shifts, just to let you know he was safe. He picked up extra groceries when he knew you’d had a rough day, even if it was something silly like your favorite granola or that weird candy you mentioned in passing.

He showed up — emotionally, mentally, and physically — every single time you needed him.

It wasn’t flashy. It was simple, honest effort.

Eddie didn’t date with ease. He’d never been great at navigating love without fear. But something about you made him want to get it right this time.

You reminded him of a version of himself he forgot existed — the guy who used to laugh more, talk about books and movies, draw comics with Christopher on the weekends.

And you saw all of it. Not just the tough guy, or the single dad, or the soldier. You saw him.

But trust wasn’t just about what Eddie did — it was about what you let him do.

There were days you pulled away slightly, still uncertain if this was too good to be real. If he’d wake up one morning and decide it was all too much. But Eddie never flinched. Never took your distance personally.

He was patient, even on the days you weren’t sure how to explain the knot of fear in your chest.

One night, a few weeks later, you had a bad day at work.

You didn’t want to talk, didn’t want to explain why you felt raw. You just showed up at his place unannounced and sat on the couch like a ghost of yourself.

Eddie didn’t ask questions. He just sat beside you in silence and let your hand find his. Thumb brushing against yours in slow, comforting circles.

“I’m here,” he whispered, voice so low you could barely hear it. “You don’t have to say anything.”

It was the first time you cried in front of him.

Not the sobbing kind — just quiet, exhausted tears from the kind of safety that surprises you. The kind of safety you forgot was possible.

He held you for hours. Not once did he pull away.

You started to realize that Eddie wasn’t just telling you he wanted to be better — he was showing it.

In the consistency. In the vulnerability. In the way he never once looked at you like you were too much to hold.

You weren’t used to that.

And maybe that’s why it mattered more.

It wasn’t a perfect relationship. There were still shadows. Still memories of Marisol, Ana, Kim, and Shannon, and mistakes that neither of you could completely erase.

But Eddie was doing the work. He went to therapy regularly again. He talked to Christopher openly about feelings, about what he learned from messing up — not just as a partner, but as a father.

You watched him slowly rebuild himself, not for you, but with you.

One night, lying on his couch with your head on his chest and his fingers gently tracing lines along your back, he whispered it again — not the words “I love you” just yet, but something that felt just as sacred:

“I’m not gonna mess this up. Not with you.”

You looked up at him, smiling softly, the kind of smile that comes when something broken finally feels like it’s healing.

“I know,” you said softly, knowing this wasn’t going to be easy, but slow movement is better than no movement.

“Sometimes grief doesn’t just reveal what you’ve lost—it shows you what you never really had.”

The city felt different the moment the plane touched down in Los Angeles.

It wasn’t the skyline or the dry California air. It wasn’t even the taxi ride that weaved past familiar streets Eddie used to talk about with fondness. It was the weight.

The weight of loss.

You’d never met Bobby Nash, but from the way Eddie had described him—father figure, moral compass, rock of the 118—you understood what this funeral meant.

It wasn’t just laying someone to rest. It was saying goodbye to the man who raised a firehouse full of broken people and gave them a home.

Eddie had been quiet since the news. Not withdrawn, exactly—just… cloaked. Like he was protecting something inside himself, and he didn’t want you to see it.

When he asked you to come with him, you didn’t hesitate.

You packed your bag, held his hand on the flight, and offered silent comfort as his eyes kept flicking out the window. You knew this wasn’t just about grief—it was about returning to a version of himself he thought he’d left behind.

The 118 turned out in full, along with more firefighters than you could count. There was something unspeakably reverent about the ceremony: the folding of the flag, the low hum of bagpipes, the weight of silence as the bell rang in Bobby’s honor.

You watched as Eddie stood beside Chimney and Buck—two men who seemed to carry just as much pain in their eyes. Hen offered you a soft, acknowledging nod from across the pew.

When your gaze met Buck’s for the first time, there was something unreadable in his expression. A flicker of curiosity, maybe. Or caution.

You didn’t blame him. You were new. And you were standing beside Eddie Diaz at Bobby Nash’s funeral. That meant something.

After the service, the wake was held at Athena’s—warm food, quiet chatter, a house that suddenly felt too big without Bobby in it.

You found yourself in the kitchen helping restock drinks when Buck appeared beside you, gently brushing past to grab a beer.

“You’re Eddie’s new girlfriend, right?” he asked, voice quiet, but not unfriendly.

You smiled, a bit caught off guard. “Yeah. I’m Y/N.”

“Buck.” He shook your hand like someone who knew his own grip scared people and tried to dial it back.

“I know. Eddie’s talked about you guys a lot.”

Buck gave a half-smile. “Good things, I hope?”

You laughed softly. “Only the best.”

There was a beat of quiet, a pause that didn’t feel awkward, just thoughtful.

“I’m glad he has someone out there,” Buck said, not meeting your eyes. “It’s hard to rebuild… when part of you never really left.”

You didn’t know what to say to that. But it stayed with you.

The next few days in LA were mostly a blur—visiting the firehouse, seeing where Eddie used to sleep, where he used to eat, where Christopher used to run up to the bunks and draw little doodles on the whiteboards.

You saw how tightly the team clung to each other.

And how tightly Buck clung to Eddie.

There were moments that made you pause.

Like when Buck asked Eddie if he was going to swing by Chimney’s with the rest of them, and Eddie glanced at you and hesitated—just for a second—before replying,

“Maybe. We’ll see how she’s feeling.”

It was small. Barely a pause. But it lingered.

Later that night, you found yourself sitting outside with Hen. She was warm and grounded, easy to talk to, and you’d mentioned how surreal it was to step into a world you’d only heard about through Eddie’s stories.

“He’s been through hell,” Hen said, looking into her wine glass. “We all have. But Eddie? He tends to bottle things up until the pressure’s too much.”

You nodded slowly. “I’ve noticed.”

“He’s not a bad man,” she added quickly. “Just… still learning how to be the man he wants to be. Even now.”

The words weren’t harsh. They weren’t even meant to be cautionary.

But they settled into your chest like an echo.

The next day, the return to Texas was quiet.

After the heaviness of LA, the stillness felt jarring. No radios blaring at the station. No long waves goodbye from a firehouse family. Just Eddie, driving you home, one hand on the wheel, the other clenched in a fist on his thigh.

You noticed it.

How he didn’t reach for your hand. How he didn’t turn on the music like he usually did. How he dropped you off at your apartment instead of asking if you wanted to stay at his.

“Just tired,” he said, brushing a kiss to your forehead. You nodded.

But something in you already knew.

After going back to work since the visit to LA, you didn’t expect to see him that night after your shift.

You were walking back from the clinic after picking up extra hours. You weren’t far from the bar Eddie sometimes mentioned when he caught up with old friends. And you wouldn’t have looked — wouldn’t have even noticed — if the laughter hadn’t been his.

The unmistakable sound of Eddie Diaz trying to charm his way out of guilt.

And then you saw him.

Sitting across from a woman with long, painted nails and a knowing smile. She touched his arm. He didn’t pull away. He leaned in.

Too close.

And the worst part?

The relief in his face.

Like he wasn’t trying to hide.

Like this wasn’t a mistake — it was intentional.

You heard his key in the lock before the door creaked open. He didn’t expect to see you there — not seated on the couch in the dark, not awake. His steps halted.

“Y/N,” he breathed.

You turned slowly. No panic. No rage. Just the kind of silence that scares a man more than shouting ever could.

“Where were you?” you asked, your voice calm but cold. A glacier waiting to crack.

“I… I grabbed a drink with someone,” he said, avoiding your eyes. “One of my buddies from highschool.”

“No, Eddie. You were at the bar with another woman. I saw you.”

His breath caught. The truth stunned him like a slap, but he didn’t deny it. Didn’t even try.

So you nodded. “That’s what I thought.”

You stood then — and your presence filled the room. Strong. Rooted. Devastated, yes, but far from broken.

“Why?” you asked. “Why bring me into this if you knew you hadn’t changed?”

“I have changed,” he said, standing too now, desperation creeping into his voice.

“I didn’t plan for that to happen. It just… being in LA again… it reminded me of who I was. Before all of this. Before I tried to be someone I’m not.”

“Someone you’re not?” you repeated. “You mean loyal? Committed? Honest?”

“That’s not fair—”

“No,” you cut him off, eyes sharp with clarity.

“You know what’s not fair? Telling me I was safe to trust you. That you were working on yourself. That this—us—was something you wanted to build. That’s what’s not fair.”

Eddie stepped forward, but you didn’t budge.

“I wasn’t lying, Y/N. I wanted it. I still do.”

“No, Eddie. You wanted the illusion of stability. You wanted to believe you could do this… but the moment it felt too real, the moment you were surrounded by your past, you unraveled.”

His eyes shimmered, glassy with shame.

“I felt free there. Like the version of me before the guilt, the expectations… like I could breathe.”

You let the words sit in the air for a moment before speaking.

“Then you should’ve stayed there.”

That made him flinch.

“Because I won’t be your halfway house,” you said, voice rising just enough to cut through the air between you.

“I won’t be the woman who holds your hand while you figure out how to not betray her. I’m not a stop along the way to you finding yourself. I know who I am.”

Your chest ached, but you didn’t let it crack. Not in front of him.

“I’m not perfect, Eddie. But I’m worthy. Worthy of someone who means it when they say they’ve changed. Someone who doesn’t mistake old ghosts for new beginnings.”

He tried again. “I swear, I didn’t plan it. I just got lost for a second.”

“A second,” you whispered, more to yourself than him. “That’s all it took to throw away everything we were building.”

He stayed silent.

“I loved you,” you admitted. “And I let myself believe you were different. That you were done running. But I see it now — you’re not done. You’re just getting better at disguising it.”

The room was heavy now. Quiet and full of things unsaid.

“And if this is what freedom looks like to you — lying, sneaking around, hurting someone who only ever showed up for you — then I hope you enjoy it,” you said, voice steady and laced with steel.

“Because you’ll be enjoying it without me.”

You walked past him, grabbing your keys from the counter.

“I deserve something whole. Something real. Not this watered-down version of love you’re still trying to figure out how to give.”

Eddie reached out, but you shook your head.

“Don’t. I won’t let you make me doubt my worth again. Once a cheater, Eddie… no matter how much you try to bury it, that part of you always finds a way out.”

And with that, you left.

Not in pieces — but finally, for once, intact.

It was the second night you hadn’t slept. The silence in the apartment was heavy, the shadows deeper somehow—almost like they knew. Like even the walls were mourning something that wasn’t dead, just lost beyond return.

Your phone lay face-down on the couch cushion beside you. You stared up at the ceiling, trying to blink away the sting behind your eyes.

The ache wasn’t loud. It didn’t shout. It whispered. It echoed. It lived in the empty coffee cup still sitting on the kitchen counter.

In the jacket Eddie left hanging by the door. In the memory of his hands on your waist as he kissed your shoulder and said, “We’re building something real here, you and me.”

But he hadn’t built anything. He had wandered.

And he had left you behind in the wreckage.

You didn’t even know who to call. You were new here. You had no family in El Paso, no lifelong friends. It had always been Eddie and Christopher—your whole small, carefully built world. And now it was just… you.

You thought about calling Hen, maybe Chimney. Ravi, even. But there was only one name that kept circling back to your heart like a warm current in freezing water.

Buck.

You hadn’t spoken much since Bobby’s funeral. He had been kind, a little guarded, but incredibly present.

When you met, it felt like an echo of something familiar. Like someone who carried similar scars, even if they weren’t visible at first glance.

You swiped up your phone and stared at his name. You didn’t want to be a burden. But you also didn’t want to feel like you were vanishing.

So you hit the button.

It rang twice before his face filled the screen, tousled curls and all. His brows furrowed in concern the second he saw your face.

“Y/N?”

Your voice cracked. “Hi.”

His smile faded. “Hey. What’s wrong? You okay?”

You swallowed. “I didn’t know who else to call.”

He nodded, gentle and calm. “You don’t have to explain. I’m here.”

That was all it took.

The tears came fast and unfiltered. Ugly, broken sobs that clawed their way out from the hollow in your chest.

You held your phone like it was the only thing tethering you to solid ground, and Buck didn’t flinch. Didn’t rush you. He just stayed on the other side of the screen, letting you cry.

“Eddie—he said he changed,” you finally managed, voice hoarse. “And I believed him, Buck. God, I believed him.”

He sighed softly. “I’m so sorry.”

“I thought he was it. He made me feel safe, like I could finally let go of everything I was trying to prove. And then I saw him with someone else, and it just… shattered everything. It felt like I was the problem again.”

“You’re not,” Buck said firmly, eyes steady. “You’re not the problem, Y/N. Don’t let what he did trick you into thinking you’re less.”

You wiped your cheeks, your hands trembling.

“It’s just… When I left everything behind and met him, I built a life here thinking it would grow roots and let him in. And now I don’t even know where home is.”

Buck leaned forward on his end, his voice low and sincere.

“Home isn’t always a place. Sometimes it’s just people who see you. Who stay. Who don’t make you question your worth every time things get hard.”

You blinked at him. “You really believe that?”

He nodded. “I’ve lived that. My parents didn’t really see me. Not the way I needed. It took years to realize that family isn’t blood—it’s the people who choose you. Over and over.”

You were quiet for a long moment, breathing in the calm he offered.

“I’m so tired, Buck. Tired of trying to be enough. Tired of picking up pieces I didn’t break.”

He smiled gently. “Then don’t pick them up alone. Let someone help. Let me help.”

You exhaled, shaky but real. “Why are you being so nice to me?”

“Because I know what it’s like to lose your sense of self in someone else,” he said. “And because you don’t deserve to go through this alone.”

Something in your chest unclenched at that.

He didn’t pity you. He understood you.

So you kept talking. For hours.

About Eddie, about your family, about the parts of yourself you’d fought to protect. And Buck listened—really listened—until the heaviness didn’t feel so suffocating.

By the time you ended the call, the sky outside had shifted to early morning gray. You still hurt. You still felt hollow in places.

But for the first time in days, you felt seen.

And safe.

© fordiaz 25’ -. no part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any manner without the permission from the publisher.

[alkaysani]

i don't what it is, and i don't want to reduce it to buddie, but what if there is that "oh" realization and the devastating reality that maybe, this time, he's too late

like how everything about shannon was too fast. married to too fast, grew up too fast. died too fast, not enough time

everything after her has been like that as well. things with ana was too fast. things with marisol too, but he caught himself

and now he's trying again with kim, and he's going for that chase and that high, chasing a ghost going fast and fast and we know what happens with fast things, right

eventually they crash

and then everything slows down

and time catches up on you and eddie doesn't realize it at the moment, but the whole time, every time he ran out of steam, buck is at his side, matching his pace

when he needed support, an ear, a best friend, buck was at his side, step by step, synchronized. he's there whenever eddie crashes

and even still, buck is always there every time he found his motivation to chase things again

but this time for this crash, it's a little different, and when he loses gas, buck's not at his side because he's flying high on his own lane with tommy, and suddenly

eddie realizes that because he was going too fast on one lane chasing his grief and ghost

he ended up being too late to get to what he really, truly wanted

[theotherbuckley]

7x07 coda

Eddie knows that what he’s doing isn’t right. He knows that. That’s why he lies to his best friend. That’s why he lies to his son.

I mean, what is he going to say? “I saw someone who looks like your dead mum and now I’m going on a date with her.” He knows Chris would call him out. But he can’t not do this. She looks so much like her. Sounds so much like her. He gets the same feeling, the connection, the longing he had for her. 

He knows shes not her. He does. He tells himself one hundred times in front of the mirror after he sees her for the first time. She’s not Shannon. The hair’s all wrong. What he’s doing is wrong, he’s using her to fix some broken part of him that’s stuck in the middle of the street, lying on the road of the pedestrian crossing. So he knows it’s wrong, but he can’t make himself stop. When she asks him out for dinner he doesn’t say no. In fact, he says yes faster than he can even process her question. She smiles at him, her eyes crinkle at the edges exactly like Shannon. She tells him she can’t wait. He nods, smiles back. He can’t wait either. He ignores the way his insides squirm, begging him to think about his actions. He’s done thinking. This is his wife! How could he ever say no?

He wears the cologne that Shannon bought for Christmas. The last Christmas. She enters the restaurant and sits down in front of him. He tells her she looks beautiful, because she does, she always did. She’s wearing clothes that he knows Shannon would never pick herself but this isn’t Shannon, this is Kim. She’s close enough. 

She talks about her job, about her favourite things, and how much she likes the beach. Shannon always did like the beach. Eddie tells her about Chris. He cracks jokes he hopes will make her laugh and they do. He tries not to focus on the way her laugh is just slightly off in a way he can’t explain. 

Eddie pays for dinner, he pays as though he’s trying to make up for all the times that he let Shannon down. He walks her to her car. Lets her take his arm as though she belongs there. He kisses her good night. Ignores the way her perfume smells all wrong, smells too strong, almost pungent. Shannon always preferred muted scents, a floral hint. He kisses her anyway. Kisses her hard, like he’s trying to consume her, consume any piece of his dead wife that he can. 

She tells him she had a great time. She’d love to do it again. He nods and smiles as she leaves. Ignores the way his heart beats a little too fast. He watches her walk away.

His phone buzzes in his pocket and it startles him, his attention quickly turning from her. He wonders if it’s Buck. If maybe something happened to Chris. He can’t stop his mind from going there. 

It’s not him.

Marisol asks him if they’re still on for tomorrow. They had plans to try out the same restaurant he just left. Maybe that’s why that place had been on his mind. Eddie inhales. He ignores the tightening in his chest. It was his wife, he didn’t cheat. He’s already married. 

He’s sends his girlfriend a thumbs up. He bites his lip, wills the ringing in his ears to quiet. Tries to think of jello.

There’s jello in his veins, smoothly flowing. His legs are jello, arms are jello. Breathe breathe breathe.

He can’t breathe.

He closes his eyes shut tight. Clenches his fist until the nails dig into his skin. He inhales. Holds for four. Exhale. 

Opens his eyes. He can see the parking lot, the black jacket he’s wearing, his hands, knuckles white. He can see the dark night sky, a couple walking down the street.

He can feel the label of his shirt itching at his neck. Feel the cold air on his fingertips and the wind running through his hair. He can feel the weight pressed firmly on his shoulders.

He can hear his heart beating loud in his chest. The sound of someone laughing softly in the distance. A car beeping its horn.

He smells his own cologne. He smells hers too. 

Tastes the regret on his tongue 

He takes out his phone with shaky hands. The phone rings not even three times before Buck’s unmistakable voice sounds through the screen. “Buck, I—I think I’ve made a mistake.”

[buddiebeginz]

I know not everything the actors say in interviews is accurate but I’m pretty sure in the beginning of the season Oliver talked about how Buck was going to have to work for his next relationship. He talked very deliberately about how Buck has always had relationships come easy. In that he’ll like someone and then end up with them without having to really fight for them. He said Buck's next relationship was going to be different, yet things with T*mmy feel exactly the same as how it’s felt with most of the women Buck's been with. Where the relationship comes easy and it’s mostly based on sex and the person doesn’t really know who Buck is at his core.

I can’t help but wonder if Tim told Oliver that he was planning on making Buddie happen this season or at least moving them closer to happening and it got pushed into s8. In the beginning of this season we had a lot of joint Ryan and Oliver interviews more so than in previous years. Oliver also did a lot of posting/liking about Buddie and Ryan on insta. He also talked about Buddie in all his interviews more than in previous seasons. Given how Oliver has said multiple times in the past that he didn't want to lead people on about Buddie I can't help but feel like he thought things were going to play out differently.

If you watch the beginning of s7 it feels like we’re heading towards something important happening with Buddie. We had a lot of Buddie scenes including the locker room scene, the scene where Buddie talk about underlying sexual tension, the scene where Buck is showing how much he's like Chris' other dad, Buddie working together on multiple calls including rescuing Bobby together. Then of course there was 704 which was like a flashing neon sign saying Buck has feelings for Eddie and is scared Eddie is going to replace him.

Then in 705 it was Eddie who interrupts Buck's first date with a guy. It's Eddie that is the focus of the conversation where Buck comes out to Maddie, where she tells him that if he has something he needs to tell Eddie he will in his own time. Then we get a very intimate scene where Buck comes out to Eddie, including a lot of shared looks between them and a hug. Also of note that Buck only had two coming out scenes in the whole season and Eddie was chosen to be one of them. There was also the gym scene where they talked about Eddie's sex life.

To me it feels like Tim changed course around 706 when he cut a lot of Buddie stuff from the ep especially the karaoke scene. I know a lot of things were likely cut for time but still they shot a scene of Buddie being all touchy feely singing a karaoke love song for the Madney wedding ep. Karaoke was one of the first things Madney did when they were falling for one another it was too much of a parallel for it not to mean something.

I think 706 was really supposed to be a bigger Buddie episode than it turned out to be. This may also be why so much of the promo stuff was about Buddie. I think originally this was going to be the episode to start officially letting the audience know there was something there between them. You can also see parts of the original story where they had Buddie joined at the hip after the bachelor party (helping Maddie and looking for Chim) everything came off very coupley.

This may also explain why Abuela is at the wedding and Marisol isn't (more about Marisol later). I wonder if originally we were going to get some kind of scene with Abuela and Eddie where she says something about Buck. There's no way they brought her in to just stand in the background like an extra there had to have been a purpose for her character originally.

I think Tim changed course when he decided he wanted to do the Kim/Shannon Vertigo mess. Which I don’t get why someone didn’t step in and tell him how ridiculous this idea was especially in this short of a season. I feel like Tim wanted to do something artsy and also get Devin Kelley back on the show and this was how he chose to do that. Unfortunately though the story turned into a mess and worse I feel like parts of Eddie's emotional journey that deserved more focus were lost. Like even the general audience didn't know what to make of that scene where Kim was dressed up as Shannon.

The Vertigo story might also be a part of why there were rumours that Edy had finished filming prior to this storyline starting in 707. Maybe she thought she had but was brought back in for this storyline. Who knows? This season was basically being written almost as they were filming it and I'm pretty sure Tim was changing things left and right. You can see that more in some episodes vs others and definitely more the later the season goes on.

I also think that would explain why so little thought and time was put into both Eddie's relationship with Marisol and Buck's thing with T*mmy. I don't think either relationship was supposed to last the entire season. There was talk early on in s7 that Lou was only supposed to be around for something like four episodes definitely a short run. In interviews Oliver also made it seem like B/T wasn't going to last and that T*mmy eventually was going to be more of a mentor type figure for Buck.

Lou also used the word rom-com when referring to B/T. Although take that with a grain of salt because it may have been on one of his cameos and he said all kinds of stuff on there. But you can see rom-com love triangle type stuff being set up in 704/705/706 between Buck, Eddie, and T*mmy and then T*mmy just kind of disappears (until 709) and the Kim/Shannon thing happens.

This would explain why there is so little development in s7 for T*mmy and B/T's relationship to the point that they never even defined that relationship by the end of the season. They never even had Buck call him his boyfriend. Which I'm glad for that in a way but it just goes to show how bad the writing was this season. And as much as I want Buddie and as much as I dislike Lou and T*mmy I'm also really sad for Oliver because this is not the coming out storyline Buck deserved.

In 707 there was zero mention of T*mmy and this is also when the Kim/Shannon storyline started so I think this is when we see some significant changes to the storyline from wherever things were originally set to go. Though the scene with Buddie and Chris I think some of that was from whatever had been originally planned. It's too flirty to explain otherwise. Maybe originally it was going to be something where Eddie and Chris spend time at Buck's loft but because there was the Kim storyline they wrote it with Eddie leaving for the date.

The thing is Buck's feelings for Eddie throughout this whole season have been louder and more apparent than we've ever seen them be before. Oliver is clearly playing Buck as in love with Eddie. Go back and watch the scene in 704 where Eddie talks about clicking with T*mmy and see how Buck looks like his heart has broken into a million pieces. Or the way Buck watches Eddie in the coming out scene in 705. Or Buck's face in 709 after he said he was worried about Eddie. It's just so obvious that man loves Eddie and would do anything for him.

This is why I really thought there was a good probability of us getting an oh moment feelings realization from Buck in the finale or at the very least a moment where they hugged and consoled each other over losing their son. But we didn't even get that.

I'm honestly not surprised that Oliver went quiet on social media during the back half of s7. Throughout the whole season Oliver wasn't really showing support for B/T and he talked very little about the ship in his interviews. I think this was originally because the plan was for B/T only to be a short term thing and Oliver didn't want to lead anyone on about that ship. I also personally think Oliver has wanted to see Buddie happen for years so he's not going to be rooting for another ship.

I also get the vibe Oliver's not crazy about working with Lou. Anytime you see behind the scenes video and pics of the cast Lou isn't in them or if he is no one is interacting with him. You can also see in the one interview Oliver did with Lou that the chemistry between them just isn't there. They feel more like coworkers just doing their job vs how Ryan and Oliver always appear like giggling besties in every interview and behind the scenes thing we see them in.

Like others have said I'm just sad for Oliver. I think once Tim told Oliver about them wanting to do the bi Buck storyline he must have been so excited. He's talked in interviews about how he's always seen Buck as bi so he must have been thrilled when they said they were finally taking his character there. And for all the issues this season Buck's coming out is still an incredibly important storyline and has meant a lot to so many people. Oliver has even talked about all the people that have messaged him and how deeply they've been affected by a character like Buck coming out.

Still I'm sure Oliver wants more for Buck's love life than the lackluster relationship that he's been stuck with. You can tell in how he talks about Buddie that he wants to see that relationship happen and that he wants to make sure it's done right and doesn't play into stereotypes.

I just hate that T*mmy is the first guy they've stuck Buck with. I hate that Tim and the show have done nothing with this relationship. We don't even really know by the end of s7 how Buck feels about T*mmy or how he feels having been dating a guy for months. Some of that should have been revisited maybe with a talk between Buck and Maddie. But it's like others have said they made Buck bi and then just kind of forgot about him. I think though that's because like I said Tim pushed everything to the side to focus on the Vertigo plot and also all the stuff with Bobby to the detriment of everything else. Buddie was the original plan and Tim didn't really have much else for Buck to do so they left him in this nothing relationship.

I really hope s8 is better all around not just for Buddie but for Buck and Eddie as characters. I hope that Tim plans to follow through and actually make Buddie a reality not just because so many people ship them because of how important for queer representation a ship like Buddie becoming canon could be. I also want to see Oliver actually get to play Buck in a relationship he's proud to talk about.