#and many of them autistic lmao

[enbyboiwonder]

This is the exact panel that I fell in love with him

[daemonhxckergrrl]

hot take: trying things you've had adverse reactions to in the past (including full-on sensory-related meltdowns) to see if you may enjoy it now is good, actually. how you processed Bad Texture 10 years ago may be different to how you do now. or it may not. but the only way to know is to try.

[moreaugriffins]

Every day i just want to write a post that just says "The Brigadier is so damn autistic."

but I then worry about what other people might say if I do that

but fuck it

The Brigadier is so fucking autistic, and nobody can change my mind

[vaguely-concerned]

trying to look for a ttrpg group in spaces where I can't just go 'listen I want to play this shit in the tumblr fandom kind of model (gay subtext extremely welcome bordering on essential, mutual unhinged character psychoanalysis, we could create a novel of a backstory together to make this sadder, let's all play with our OC dolls together and also sometimes dice are rolled I guess)' and be readily understood and/or not be immediately side-eyed or denigrated for my inherent unavoidable tumblerinaness feels like such an annoying debuff to deal with on the quest. like I know my people exist out there but how do I express myself in the right way and wade through all the copious not-it (not for me) dynamics to find them!!!

[piplupod]

feels like the isolation is a gushing wound and going to the centre is just a small bandage. i think perhaps i am not really ever going to feel okay unless something miraculous happens. i am retaining some semblance of sanity now that I'm leaving the house and socializing with non-family more than once a week, but i am still hurting more than I can really tolerate and I don't know what to do about it. there doesn't seem to be a fix for this that I can enact.

[thatgirlwhokeepsreading]

The thing the people don’t tell you about re-parenting yourself/similar gambits is that for bitches of a particular temperament (it’s me I’m bitches) it sometimes makes you so so mad when it works. Sold all my baby dolls in a garage sale when I was eight not because I didn’t want to them anymore but because I thought I shouldn’t want them anymore, and now the only thing that had me sleeping like a rock after fortnight of hells is this elaborate LARP so I can convince my central nervous system that there is someone in charge who a) wants to take care of shit and b) can take care of shit.

RSD emotional hangover making you too agitated to sleep even though you’re intellectually aware the conflict is resolved? Not anymore with the power of making dairy-free chocolate milk and listening to ten minutes of Dune on audiobook while reading alongside on your e-reader before you pass the fuck out.

Like you would think cringing into the sun* would keep one even more awake than the vague background radiation of little-T traumas (which has actually reduced after five years of medication and psychology appointments), but I guess it is really about quantity over quality. Guess one big cringe is less impactful than the relief from convincing the quivering little toddler that’s been left in charge of the sleep lever in your brain to come out from under the desk and do their job by putting up a sort of flimsy curtain so they can no longer see the wall of painting symbolising your mild disconcerting experiences

And I reference temperament when I know that my annoyance is in fact also a huge part to do with socialisation, particularly being primed towards abnegation + a fundamental suspicion towards adults engaging with things culturally associated with Children and Childhood, both of which are things I challenge on principle consciously/intellectually. But knowing that it’s completely harmless, and like hey I could be doing meth or something, does not change the fact that when I mimic the running commentary I do with babysitting kids Just In My Head To Myself and immediately become head-nodding sleepy, I’m instantly like “oh we respond to this and not a haunting amount of melatonin? cool. yeah. sure.”

(*Of course none of this is cringe when other people do it, as they are allowed to experience Quirks and Vulnerabilities in peace because they are Not Me. That said, when I’m not venting on tumblr dot org I do generally avoid calling any of this stuff cringe bc I am aware that caveating with “This only applies to me because I’m Not Like Other Girls (I’m Worse)” often doesn’t actually make the other person feel assured you’re not judging them.)

[inloveanddepth]

love these guys

[unproduciblesmackdown]

truly lmao 2024 lambda literary award finalist wynnstannery

[sunfoxfic]

idk how anyone puts up with me at all

[morg-among-the-stars]

The sillys <3

[soryualeksi]

A while ago my brother said "That guy from Fall Out Boy sings his words like your doctor writes anything on your sick note" and a) I can never be so witty ever and b) I CANNOT UNHEAR IT WHENEVER I'M HAVING TROUBLE TELLING WORDS APART IN THEIR SONGS OMFG

(Disclaimer: It wasn't meant as a BAD thing per se, more like an affectionate remark about the slight slurring of speech he has going on lol.)

[r3dships]

Projecting my autism onto my F/Os like

[pluttskutt]

if i actually wrote a fic out of this autistic steve / eddie thing it'd also be long but without drama because it'd just focus on them and the "will they/won't they" because this steve is also trans and asexual so eddie is unsure how to go about it

and their friendship also takes its' sweet time but it does blossom and eddie is enjoying it a lot because he had his doubts, being as dramatic and loud as he is (their first time meeting was b a d)

and steve wants to date eddie but he's worried because he needs time to get used to being near someone and it's so sweet because he tries but eddie assures him they can just go at his speed because he's so happy just being around him

and the first time steve touches his back and his hand lingers he just

anyways yeah i love them

[pinkfey]

lrb reminds me of an argument i got into last year bc i made fun of disney adults and this person called me ableist for mocking autistic ppl’s special interests (???) when my point was about disney adults giving up hundreds and hundreds of dollars to make regular trips to disneyland and purchasing ridiculously expensive disney merch and buying into disney’s halfassed “lgbtq support” etc etc

[autisticlee]

that feeling when you're autistic and put on so many masks, played so many parts, created so many personas, etc. to try to fit in and please people due to being severely bullied or abused or whatever, that you have no clue who you are. you never developed a "self" ever. you don't have a personality, but you also have 10+ different ones that come out at different times. you don't know what you like or enjoy because it depends on what persona is in control at the time, so it always changes. you contradict yourself a lot. you like something one moment, but can hate it the next. you try to ~be yourself~ but you don't know which of these persona masks are "you." are they all you? are none of them you? how do you know?

[starrun]

Sometimes I feel like a bit of a madman because I have decided to sort through the sound files for Jedi: Fallen Order to isolate and save all of the BD-1 sound bytes.

There are nearly 35 thousand files I am manually going through, listening to them one by one, to isolate any BD-1 sounds. I am about halfway through all of the files and have separated nearly 300 BD-1 sounds so far (and saved some other good sound bytes of troopers, ship/space noises, etc.). I am probably going to do this again once a .zip of all of the sound bytes from Jedi: Survivor are ripped from the game.

Why did I decide to do this? So I could have plenty of BD droid noises to put into my soundboard for D&D. That's it. In the future when I get a 3D-printed BD droid I can also use the sounds for that.