#and many many other lyrics from that song

[stagkingswife]

What I've Done Instead of Shadow Work

This is going to be the last thing I say on the topic of shadow work, because, honestly I'm getting bored of the subject and would rather go back to talking about spirit work, or spells, or any of the many other subjects that I care a thousand times more about. Some folks seem to be hearing “I refuse to do any introspection” when I say "I have never and will never do shadow work". I have done lots of introspection, I've done therapy that follows evidence based practices, I just see no reason do try and guide myself through a method of therapy with little to no scientific evidence. But in case anyone's curious, or wants some tips, here's what I've done instead! Mindfulness exercises: I love mindfulness exercises that train you to think about your thoughts, but not judge them. Consistent mindfulness practice has really helped me become more aware of my internal thought processes, what I get hung up on, what I struggle with, what emotions I’m feeling and what caused them.

The Artist Way & Embrace Your Weird: These are both self help books for creative folks with a heavy emphasis on journaling and self expression. I found both of these helpful in different ways when I felt like I was struggling with creative burnout or felt like I was stuck in the daily grind of my day job.

Journaling: I keep multiple journals! One is a commonplace book that I fill up with on the spot thoughts, quotes, song lyrics, etc. just stuff I want to remember. The other I write in every morning when I first wake up, a continuation of the morning pages from the Artist’s Way, to just unpack and process whatever going on in my head.

Therapy: Actual real therapy with a licensed professional. I specifically see a pain psychologist because most of what we focus on is the impact my chronic pain has on my and developing healthy coping mechanisms for that.

I think what gets a bee in my bonnet the most about the few negative reactions I’ve gotten on this topic is that these folks seem most concerned about the trauma and “inner demons” aspects of shadow work. There’s always something about how dangerous or unhealthy it is for me or even those around me for me to have not delt with my trauma via shadow work. I don’t like that they presume to know my life and mental health history without having ever spoken to me. And I really don’t like the insistance that everyone has the same kind of trauma that needs to be healed in the same way.

[greensagephase]

Flores Amarillas

pairing: husband!miguel o'hara x spouse!reader wc: 713 summary: You always daydreamed about receiving yellow flowers (work's title) on the start of spring. warnings: some Spanish; established relationship note: for more info regarding this work; check the ask!

[lyrics below from the song listed;]

Ella sabía que él sabía [She knew that he knew]

Que algún día pasaría [one day it would happen]

Que vendría a buscarla [That he’d come look for her]

Con sus flores amarillas [With her yellow flowers]

-♡-

You were just a kid when you were already thinking of him. You daydreamed and innocently fantasized about meeting him one day.

He had no name, nor did he have a face.

Yet, you dreamed about him and of yellow flowers.

To be specific, you dreamed of one day receiving yellow flowers from a man who you imagined would be close to a prince charming.

You’d listen to the song “Flores Amarillas” from the famous telenovela and sing it to the best of your ability, daydreaming about having that experience one day; of receiving yellow flowers as a romantic gesture from the love of your life.

Even in your teenage years, this illusion followed you. The unhealthy number of telenovelas you consumed growing up with your parents along with being a hopeless romantic didn't help. During those years, you waited, illusioned that that person would come along. With a pure golden heart, you imagined running one day into him; a man who would be waiting for you with a yellow flower, who would notice the shine in your pupils. You imagined the sun would be out, casting its gentle yellow as you finally crossed paths with that special man.

As time went on, you realized that purely daydreaming about it wouldn't automatically manifest it and you eventually let it go, even when you saw others experience what your child and teenager self yearn so much for.

-♡-

Outside, you hear the birds chirping. Earlier, you noted the blooming flowers in your garden. A gentle yellow, pollen, covers surfaces, inciting spring allergies for many, yet helping the flowers and bees.

You sit on your couch, now many years older amd established, when you rediscover the song while scrolling through your social media. Listening to it, you realize you still remember every word. It almost feels like running into an old friend who you haven't seen in a long, long, long time.

En ese bar tan desierto nos esperaba el encuentro [in that bar so deserted the meet up waited for us]

Ella llegó en limusina amarilla por supuesto [she arrived in a yellow limousine of course]

Él se acercó de repente la miro tan de frente [he approached suddenly looking at her straight ahead]

Toda una vida soñada y no pudo decir nada [an entire life dreamed of and he couldn't say anything]

The scent of his cologne reaches you first before you feel a soft kiss pressed to your cheek. It automatically brings a smile to your face, pulling you away from your thoughts. Still smiling, you look up and meet that warm gaze, warm like yellow and deep like coffee.

“Ella sabía que él sabía, que algún día pasaría [she knew he knew, one day it would happen],” Miguel sings softly with a warm smile.

“Que vendría a buscarla, con sus flores amarillas [That he’d come look for her with her yellow flowers],” you say, finishing that part of the song.

“I remember when that song was so popular,” Miguel comments, gently cupping your face.

“Yeah?”

“Mhm. You want to know something, mi vida [my life]?” Miguel asks. “I forgot all about that song until today. It came up on my feed this morning and remembered I once used to imagine, as a kid, finding a beautiful and sweet individual to gift yellow flowers to.”

Chuckling, you caress Miguel’s forearms as he continues to cup your face. “Is that so?”

“Yes,” Miguel answers before leaning forward. He presses a sweet and gentle kiss to your forehead, smiling at you before releasing your face. He reaches behind you to retrieve something, still smiling. “Unas flores amarillas para ti, mi amor [yellows flowers for you, my love],” Miguel murmurs, handing you a beautiful bouquet of yellow flowers. “For the most beautiful, sweetest, kindest person in the whole world.”

The sight and scent of the cheerful flowers brightens your day, but Miguel’s words brighten it even more. You accept the flowers, your heart blooming with love and appreciation for the man that you now have the privilege of calling your husband.

You chuckle softly, admiring them while feeling the love from Miguel.

"I knew one day I'd find you," you murmur, finally looking at him again. "After daydreaming of you for so long."

"Y yo por ti [and I about you]," your husband replies, his illusion of gifting flowers to the love of his life, finally accomplished.

Thank you @ashnelyi for the ask!

Thank you so much for reading!

Alondra❤️

divider credit: @enchanthings-a

[bambi-kinos]

“He encouraged Paul's revealed preference for enjoying feminization by putting him in the position of being John's girlfriend/wife, something John likely picked up on when Paul fed him toast as a teenager. Many of Paul's sexual habits and needs were shaped and fostered by John into something that complimented his own.”

This is such a good insight from your recent analysis and something I had sort of noticed about John and Paul but couldn’t pinpoint, which you’ve worded so wonderfully. I always thought it seemed as though John encouraged a more feminine/ domestic side to Paul which Paul might have been reluctant to express otherwise (due to Looking Like That), though I think Paul was actually very happy in more “feminine” roles. I wonder if John coaxed it out of him during their sexual encounters and then it manifested into their everyday dynamic.

It's part of John's Thing where he sees into people. No wonder he believed mind reading and ESP were real because John is incredibly good at reading people and divining their motives and intent.

I keep coming back to the toast anecdote because it's so revealing and also relatable. Feeding your boyfriend something while you try to convince him to do something he isn't sure about is very much a girlfriend tactic. I've done it myself and I bet other ladies have too. Paul instinctively knew how to maneuver John which is interesting in of itself but he also instinctively used feminine coded tactics. Contrast this to Pete Shotton who was just some guy and used the tools available to him to put John in his place: he would take swings at John and even threatened to crush his glasses at one point when John was taking a joke too far about a schoolboy crush Pete had when they were kids. John himself admired this about Pete and later said that he respected Pete immensely for standing toe to toe with him and not letting John roll him.

But Paul didn't do that. He used feminine coded tactics with John from the start, even with the guitar tuner and the conferring over strings and chords. He wasn't in your face and didn't try standing toe to toe with John, after the solo song performance of "Twenty Flight Rock" to establish his credentials he instead sat down with John and they talked. No big confrontation and no contest of wills. To quote Pete Shotton again "they circled each other like cats" so clearly there was mutual interest but Paul proved his worth by showing what an asset he was. He was never interested in blatant shows of authority. It's just such a completely different presentation than what was typical and expected from teen boys at the time...and John picked up on it.

Some of this is Paul being a more balanced person in general and also just more experienced with the reality of the world. Mary passed away and the chores of the house became more evenly split between Jim, Paul, and Mike while the aunts would visit often to take care of the heavier jobs. But it's also clear where John and Paul's personal divisions and interests lay. Paul could definitely be rambunctious and gross (like the newspaper shitting story...lmaoooo) so he did know how to be gross with the boys when he wanted to be. But there was such an intensely domestic side of him that he wanted to keep hidden from the rest of the world. It couldn't help peeking out from time to time. John remarked once that "Paul and I know each other in a lot of different ways that people don't know about" (paraphrasing) and this must have been one of the things John was referring to.

Paul valued and cherished domestic life and he doted on John when he could. I think back a lot to this excerpt from The Lyrics (hat tip to @dovetailjoints for picking up on it back in the day) about Johnny Gentle and Paul's realization that you can do anything on tour.

Like even just from this quote, the toast thing, Pau's domesticity fetish (and everything is sex for him so obviously it's kinky roleplay!) and then Paul's general behavior, you can tell something going on but then we got THIS JEWEL of a confirmation:

Paul liked being domestic and he liked taking care of John I just!!!! He wanted to be John's wife! He wanted to be Mrs. Lennon so fucking badly! God! And it must have gone exactly as you say, John encouraged it during their sex stuff and then Paul liked it so much that he did this.

[fluffypinkhedgehog]

❀⊱Walking Home Part 3⊰❀ ⤷ Shadow the Hedgehog x Reader | sfw, angst, one-shot, school au

w/c: 1,882

summary: Shadow's worried, so he followed you to the library.

warnings: Miscommunication, Shadow's P.O.V.

a/n: Man, these kids really need to speak their minds. (I need to learn that, too.) Also, I injured my wrist, somehow(???), so this was written with a lot of pain lol. Oh, and I decided on a theme song for this little series. Not because of the lyrics themselves, but Carly Rae Jepson's Call Me Maybe's vibe is very "hopeless romantic teenagers" lol. On top of that, I do have an idea for the ending of Walking Home. Not exactly sure how we'll get there, but I'll certainly try to make it as entertaining as possible! ღ P.S. There was an edit to the last chapter. See if you can find it! P.P.S. This took WAYYY longer to write than I wanted it to, BUT IT TURNED OUT SO GOOD AAAAAAAAAAAAA-

Shadow approached the double doors to the school library, stopping. He had followed you in haste, not really thinking about what he would do once he found you. What would he say? What would he do? He can't exactly comfort you, could he? Well, isn't that why he followed you? Shadow closes his eyes and takes a breath through his nose, trying to calm his thoughts. Letting them run rampant right now isn't going to help the situation. Shadow balls his hand into a fist at his side while the other grips the strap of his backpack like a lifeline. He just had to make sure you were okay, nothing else. He didn't even have to talk to you.

With a huff of finality, Shadow gripped the handle of the door to the library, pushing it open with ease. A small tinkle of a bell rang out as the door opened, alerting the librarian at the desk who looked up from her book, which was poorly disguised as a magazine. A classic move many kids in his classes pulled when trying to use their phone during a time they shouldn't, though— for Shadow— it was a first to see someone trying to read an obvious erotica novel behind one. Shadow nodded to the librarian in greeting, who silently nodded back before returning to her debaucherous reading choice.

Turning away from the librarian's desk, Shadow headed deeper into the library. Normally, he would've asked the librarian where you went inside, but Shadow knew your favorite spot. Besides, he's pretty sure that miss librarian was too swathed in her book that she didn't know where you went. That's fine.

Shadow looked down the aisles as he walked through the library. For how quiet the library was, there were a lot more students here than he initially thought. He spotted a couple messing around, running between the aisles as one chases the other as silently they could without disrupting the whole library. Shadow rolled his eyes and sighed through his nose. He wouldn't admit it, but he was jealous.

As Shadow made one more turn he finally reached the back of the library, a popular spot for those who have a lot of studying to do or simply wish to sleep. That's where he found you; sitting at the center table with your face buried in your history textbook, your notebook to your right with pretty, color-coded, and curly handwriting. The table you sat at was your favorite spot; it got the best sunlight in the entire library. He often found you in sunlight. He liked the way the warm sun casted a halo around you, how it made you so sleepy but you were too stubborn to fall asleep in its warm embrace. Every time, though, you would always succumb to its sweet and warm embrace in the end.

Shadow shifted the strap of his bag on his shoulder, steeling himself. He didn't really want to distract you from your studies, but he promised himself that he would check in with you to see if you were alright. You looked bothered by the rumors, after all. Shadow put his free hand up to his mouth and coughed, trying to get your attention, but it didn't work. He coughed pretty loud too. That's when he noticed earbuds in your ears. You must be listening to your favorite low-fi music. He noticed that you liked the outdated stuff from the playlist you once showed him, songs from over 10-ish years ago. Shadow rubbed his fingers against his thumb in nervous hesitation before reaching forward and tapping you on the shoulder.

The reaction was immediate: a loud yelp that echoed off of the thick glass of the windows and a thump from you hitting your knee under the table, making your favorite thermos fall over, the liquid inside going all over the table. Thankfully, it was just water with ice.

“Ah, shit, shit, shit!” Shadow flinched back as you exclaimed as quietly as you could, scrambling to grab your jacket and soak up the water on the table before it could ruin any important papers. A 'Shhh!' comes from a nearby table, annoyed by the noise. You turn towards the shusher and respond with a heartfelt “Sorry!” before sighing and bending down to pick up the thermos that fell off the table.

Shadow felt really guilty. He didn't mean to scare you so badly. He scratched the back of his head, ruffling his quills. He looked back at you, the grip on his backpack strap tightening slightly. It's becoming a bad habit. “Do you mind if I... sit here?” He asked, tentatively.

“No— huh? I mean, yes! Yes, you can sit here. At the table. Here,” you cough, “Yes.” Crap, it was obvious he made you uncomfortable. He felt even more guilty now. He watched as you moved most of your items on the table, most of which were soaked along with your jacket. He noted that it was one of your comfier jackets. Damn it, he's just ruining your entire day at this point, isn't he? It was a bad idea to try and follow you.

Shadow pulled out the chair closest to him, dropping his bag on the floor beside him as he sat down. He dug through his backpack for his homework. By the time he pulled it out and looked back up at you, who had sat back down with a huff, a cloud had covered the sun, making you lose that ethereal glow. It made him a bit sad, but he can't control the weather. The two of you sat in silence as you continued studying your history textbook and Shadow started on his.

Shadow's mind started to swim with intruding thoughts. Every little motion of yours he was overthinking. Your scrunched face caused him worry, the tapping of your pencil gave him anxiety. He knew these were just your little quirks, which he found adorable, don't get him wrong, but the guilt was eating at him. He had to speak up. “Are you okay?”

You let out a startled 'huh?', looking up at him, surprise written on your face. “Oh, uh,” You look away, towards the window. Your gaze becomes distant. “Yeah, I'm okay.” It was another silent moment before you move your gaze back to your homework. Shadow wasn't convinced of your answer, his brows furrowing. That's when you look back up at Shadow, your expression beaming. “Thanks for asking, Shadow. I appreciate it.”

Shadow's heart skipped a beat. There's that smile he always liked. He smirked, giving a single chuckle through his nose. “I'm glad.” Shadow paused. He wanted to keep up a conversation with you. He wracked his brain as he watched you go back to your homework. He had to do it fast! What would he say, though? “Are you... going to the next track meet this weekend?”

Shadow caught you at a bad time. You were in the middle of taking a drink of whatever was left inside of your thermos, which probably was not a lot considering that it got dumped all over the table. Either way, he caught you off guard, yet again, causing you to accidentally inhale your water and choke on it. When will he stop ruining things? Shadow stood up, hovering over you. He didn't know what to do, the Heimlich maneuver that he just learned last week slipping out of his mind like sand. “I'm fine, I'm fine,” you said in between coughs. “You just caught me off guard, sorry!”

“It's okay,” Shadow replied, not really knowing how to reply to that. He sat back down in his seat. He looked at you, face full of worry. You looked at him and giggled a bit. Was something on his face? You shifted in your seat a bit.

“I'm gonna be busy on that day,” you finally said, fiddling with your mechanical pencil. Shadow's heart sunk. “Sadly, I got work!” You said with a sad smile. You had a job?

“I didn't know you had a job,” Shadow said, relaxing back in his chair. He was trying to look nonchalant, but he wasn't quite sure if it was working or if he just looked dumb.

“Uh, yeah. I work at the bowling alley. You know, the one down on main street.” Shadow knew that place. It wasn't exactly the safest spot, but the bowling alley was popular so it was safer than others. He was relieved that it wasn't any of the other bowling alleys in town.

“Maybe I'll visit,” Shadow said. Oops, he wasn't supposed to say that out loud. You looked at him, facial expression shocked. Did you hate the idea that much? He knew you didn't like him as much as he liked you, but your reaction did hurt him a little. Backpedaling, Shadow continued: “With the track team. Sonic's been saying he's been wanting to go. Bowling, I mean.”

“Oh,” you said, visibly deflating. Did you.. Not hate the idea? “Yeah, sure. It would make things at least a little lively there.” You gave a sad smile, eyebrows furrowed. You went back to your textbook as fast as the conversation ended.

It became awkward. You and Shadow worked on your homework in absolute silence, the only sounds were the rustling of paper and pencils writing. Shadow couldn't take it any longer. He set his pencil down, looking up to tell you the truth, that he wanted to visit so the two of you could hang out outside of school, but when he looked up he found you slumped over your textbook, asleep. The sun came out from the clouds in that moment, washing you in that warm, ethereal glow. He stared for what felt like forever but was only mere moments before he smiled, closing his textbook and putting it away along with his worksheets.

Shadow stood up and started gathering your things, putting them in your small messenger bag. He wasn't sure exactly how you liked things put away, so he hoped that what he was doing was good enough. He gingerly peeled you off of your textbook, replacing it with your jacket— which was has thankfully dried out already— and putting it in your bag before putting your back inside of his backpack so it's secure.

Shadow then moves you off of your jacket so he could put it inside of his backpack as well. He was glad that he had such a large backpack. Afterwards, he slung his bag over his shoulders and picked you up. You immediately clung to him in your sleep, getting comfortable in his arms. A small blush crept up on his face as he started to leave the library. This certainly wont quell the rumors anytime soon. That's when he heard you say his name as he walked out the library doors.

“Shadow,” you said, sleepily, almost slurring. Were you already awake? “I like you.”

Shadow froze in place. His face was entirely flushed. You liked him? Then he heard you lightly snore, continuing with something nonsensical. Oh. You were sleep talking. Shadow's heart sunk, his blush fading quickly. But... What if what you were saying in your sleep were your true feelings? If they were...

He wished they were.

Tag list: @affinitytales

[christiannerd]

God's response to prayers for guidance can come in multiple ways. Actively listening for the answer often involves keeping in mind that we serve a sovereign God who is in control of everything that happens, even the minutest details, even the things that have a natural explanation. He designed the laws of nature, and planned the way things work out on their own, and He also has the ability to override the laws of nature when He wants. He is sovereign. Because He is in control of everything, He can use anything to speak through, so keep an eye out for repeated messages coming from unrelated places. Here's some ways He's given me guidance before:

- Spiritual Prompting

- The wise council of other believers (they have the Holy Spirit too!)

- His Word (if you can't hear His voice from His Word, where will you hear it?)

- Sermons (There have been so many times when the sermon is on a topic I've been praying about and I knew for a fact the pastor did not know I had been praying about it)

- The lyrics to Christian Music (both in worship services and in my normal music listening. He can use everything)

- The sudden gaining or losing of opportunities (He's not going to close a door He wanted you to walk through. He is sovereign. Your indecision isn't going to mess up His plan. Also, sometimes He does drop stuff in your lap. Not always, but sometimes. Did a door open with spectacular timing? There are no coincidences with God)

I'm sure there's more I'm not thinking of, but that's a list off the top of my head. Usually, God will answer through more than one of these avenues at once. Sometimes it's hard to tell the difference between Spiritual prompting and your own emotions, but is that prompting in line with what you're seeing in scripture? What do the wise brothers and sisters in your life say in the matter? Have your morning Bible study and the Sunday sermon this week and the last 5 songs you heard all had the exact same message? God might be saying something.

Also, don't be too afraid of messing this up. Again, we serve a sovereign God. We can't mess up His plan. There is no wrong decision you could possibly make that God hasn't already taken into account. If you misinterpret what He's saying, or mistake your own emotions for His speaking He already knows you're going to do that, and He'll work around it and with it, and He'll correct you eventually. Take comfort in the divine determinism of His sovereignty. Your Father's got this.

Me trying to make a simple decision: does following God’s will simply mean not going out on your own initiative and letting things drop in your lap as God wills, so you know they are from him as you have made no choices? Or does it mean to make choices and simply accept the results as God wills it? To offer the choice as potential and see what God does? And what if it’s a choice you unsure about? What if you are playing a fool by making it but you don’t know because you don’t know the outcome will make you a fool? Must all mortal things be left to chance?

[wavesoutbeingtossed]

Talk to me about Cornelia street/the Bolter! I have thoughts but I want to hear yours!

aaaaaah I’ve been having a moment with Cornelia Street from Lover Live From Paris so this seems like an excellent time to segue to the Eras mashup version! You know I love me a Girl And Her Guitar Doing A Bit At A Coffee House moment.

(First of all, the way her voice has become even richer since 2019 is so wonderful. At the end of the Cornelia Street section when she belts out “And baby I’m so terrified of if you ever walk away, I’ll never walk Cornelia Street again,” she does this lovely crack with her voice at “again” that just sounds sooooooo good. She does it again a bit at “as she was leaving”/“felt like breathing” a couple of times after that too. I love when she lets a bit of the country girl out for effect.)

This is such a cool mashup because I love how it comes down to “I don’t want to lose you, I hope it never ends,” but as she was leaving it felt like freedom.

It once again tells the whole story of a relationship, from the rush of infatuation at the start to fleeing for her life at the end when it’s over. I also just realized that it starts with “we were in the backseat drunk on something stronger than the drinks in the bar/‘I rent a place on Cornelia Street,’ I say casually in the car,” and The Bolter chorus is “Started with a kiss, ‘Oh we must stop meeting like this,’ but it always ends up with a Town Car speeding out the drive one evening,” so there’s a parallel with the car driving them to the beginnings of their home at the start of the relationship and the getaway car taking her away from it at the end.

Also love how the dialogue in both songs are like, these bits of flirty banter, but become so heavy with the context of the song filling it in by the end.

“We were a fresh page on the desk, filling in the blanks as we go,” is one of my favourite lyrics (and is sisters with one of my other favourites, “don’t read the last page, but I stay when…” in New Year’s Day) because isn’t that what all young love is about? When you haven’t written your story yet, and you’re figuring things out as you go along. Which, incidentally, is paralleled at the end of with The Bolter and “ended with the slam of a door, but she’s got the best stories,” but also, “all her fucking lives flashed before her eyes,” because Cornelia Street and the moment it represented became one of those many lives! And she had to leave it just like she left all the other versions of herself! She ran like it was a race! And then she took a detour! And now she’s off to the next race!

I love how she transitions from “there’s escape in escaping” in The Bolter bridge back to, “I hope I never lose you, I’ll never walk Cornelia Street again,” because to me it’s almost the story of: She kept leaving until she found a reason to stay (Cornelia Street), then got scared that she was going to be the one who got left because finally that moment in time was worth fighting for. It’s like the facade of The Bolter persona drops and the tenderness of Cornelia Street takes over, like: I didn’t want to have to leave this time, but I had to do it to save myself. I’m never going to walk Cornelia Street again, but maybe that’s OK, because it too is just one of my many fucking lives that I’m leaving behind to find my new self. It felt like the time she fell through the ice and came out alive.

I also love how at around the 5:00 mark, when she’s ad-libbing building up to the outro with “as she was leaving, it felt like breathing,” the last time she finishes the section with, “it looked like freedom.” And then it transitions into “I don’t want to lose you, I hope it never ends, but as she was leaving, it felt like freedom.” It very much feels like another version of, “I’m just getting colour back into my face”! Like, she thought losing this was going to be the worst thing that could ever happen to her, but she had to listen to her gut in the end to run, and that actually brought her back to life and let her reclaim her life.

And this is maybe a tangent, but one thing I always took out of The Bolter, aside from it being a song of all time, is that to me one of the things the song is saying is: her gut would tell her it was time to go, but the way she went about it was destructive— yet that doesn’t mean she wasn’t right to listen to the cracks in the floorboards. And by mashing it up with Cornelia Street, it’s like this story is saying: the cracks (her gut) told her she had to go, and thus she had to walk away from Cornelia Street for good. And just because she once didn’t want to lose this doesn’t mean it wasn’t ultimately the right decision to leave. I love the parallel between her being terrified of her lover leaving her in Cornelia Street to her having to be the one to leave them by the end of The Bolter. Again, it’s just kind of the full circle of it all, and you get the first and last page of the story.

(also on a other tangent that just made me think of the parallel between “We bless the rains on Cornelia Street, memorize the creaks in the floor,” and “That's when she sees the littlest leaks down in the floorboards and she just knows she must bolt”! Like the things that made up the good times and felt like home eventually broke them apart! Remember looking at this room we loved it cause of the light, now I just sit in the dark and wonder if it’s time!)

Thanks so much for this one! This was such a wonderful mashup to revisit! I love how in so many of the mashups, it feels like she’s using the older song as a memory and the newer song as the reflection upon it.

[weirdmageddon]

i got further inspired by these tags on my post-turned-essay, which you should read by the way:

#wish they had more time to get into Hank ik they wanted to #I think Hank was gonna be the end part of vbros no matter what. his story to me felt like that

so here is a playlist i made for it.

it’s supposed to encompass hank’s time in season 6, 7, and filling in for whatever season 8 was going to be, extrapolating from baboon heart.

it’s 3 hours and 4 mins long in order to make up for the loss of season 8 hank content. you just know doc and jackson wanted to do more with him so i bulked it a little, with these songs kind of standing in for hank’s psychological experiences in a narrative way. i’m at least quite happy with it.

headphones recommended 🎧

spotify:

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3eClkHEM7JIZTy4iK3iGxe?si=lDwnwuEVSlyobZDEXMBIPw

youtube (alternative):

https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLCu5XwRLYS0AO_gB_cN6HFIisbotrCY8Z

the picks are very meaningful and deliberate. i pay attention to detail so it’s supposed to be listened to in order since it implies the story. plus i used songs that transition nicely for immersion.

hopefully you can also get some good imaginary mental cinema out of it to make up for season 8 being shrunk. (shouldn’t be too hard since i chose the songs that had something of his personality in them, his core emotions internally, and/or his state at that point in time)

some commentary:

animal collective radiates hank’s psychological core so well, the energy and instrumentation and spirit and lyrics too. this band has been in my life since i was 8 and it’s attached to memories of my own. sometimes avey tare’s voice has this character to it that just fits like a glove and the way he some phonemes roll off the tongue resembles hank’s voice a bit too, for example the long “er” vowel sounds. that’s why there’s so many songs from them on here, there was so much fitting material to draw from. i also thought it added coherence and created a central character/protagonist.

dan deacon’s America was such an obvious choice. adored this album since i first heard it back in 2015. there’s a pitchfork magazine interview with deacon that sits in the back of my mind. the actual album is in itself is partly inspired by him traveling cross-country across the US by train from seattle to new york alone, having gone off-the-grid during the 2006 holiday season to break away and reflect. in hank’s case of course it would be new york to colorado springs. the lyrics are perfect. it fits hank’s surroundings, both his outside environment in this scenario and his psychological environment.

like i said the songs are also fairly personally significant to me too. there many long-time favorites and artists that i’ve been supremely loyal to over the years. you’ve maybe seen some of them on other of my favorites playlists too but this is where they can really truly shine. i realized that hank and a few of these artists overlap in key typologies which explains why i feel like it fits him so well. but also i’ve been listening to them well before i knew hank as a character! (clearly says something about me in particular for being so drawn to hank as a character and the bands featured the most on this playlist who have been serving as my musical “home”, always a safe option no matter my mood for years and strongly stuck with me through those years.)

if you listen i’d love to hear what you think!

what i mean by overlapping typologies is that hank venture is ESE 7w6 794

and here’s what i’ve analyzed these artists as independently both from lyrics and interviews

animal collective: ESE 7w6 [identity relation]

dan deacon: ESE 6w7 or 7w6 [identity relation]

coil: IEI 5w4 [supervison relation]

durutti column (vini reilly): IEI 9 [supervison relation]

magazine (howard devoto): LII 5 [dual relation]

fun fact 1: on that album America, Dan Deacon got Simon Heyworth to engineer the sound it, who’s also mastered for King Crimson, Nick Cave, Brian Eno

fun fact 2: Doc Hammer owns John McGeoch’s actual guitar (Magazine)

fun fact 3: Howard Devoto and Pete Shelley are both LII like Doc and me

[archivalofsins]

Spoilers ahead if you want to go in completely blind about Yuno's third trial song don't want to see the cover or the lyric snippet any of that. Then don't look under the read more because I'm about to discuss it after sitting with it for a while.

"Life, I wanted you to care enough to scold me and tell me I was wrong. Damn you."

Umbilical

"Am I a bad girl? Please don’t answer. What do you want to do? Please tell me." "I messed up. I found out." "Are we over? Please don’t answer. What do you want to do? Please tell me."

Really on some I'd put u and i together in every life time shit now huh. Really being that Stickybug.

"Gonna be a smitten mitten till the day you die?"

"Stop it, you always forget to close the door on hope!"

"I told you from the start don't even try."

Umbilical

"What type of girl do you like? I want to become like that, but that’s probably too hard for me." "Just the two of us. I finally found it." "Just me alone, it really is lonely."

"Little miss devotion, the exits over there..."

"Oh, so not going home after all...?"

Tear Drop

"The wanted wanting the wanter. The overlap, isn’t that some sort of perfection?" "If you want “me”, come marco, I’ll polo. Let’s just do it, please smile?"

"Hop, step, grrr, one more chance! Aha! Why don't you kiss up and shake your cottontail? A pop cuddle snuggle hum a tune why don't you?"

Umbilical

"But anyway, let’s be together till the morning. “Good morning” “Good night” I want to be with you as many times as I can." "Play-biting each other, warmth-giving each other. That is probably an amazing thing. Even this makes you happy right? I know you will respond that way."

"It's out of place put away your jealousy."

Umbilical

"Why are you here? You annoy me a little. I can’t smile well anymore. It’s because of you."

"If you get lonely, find anybody just get lucky."

Umbilical

"Just me alone, it really is lonely. Let’s reload the warmth."

Tear Drop

“Let’s just do it, please smile?”

"I loathed to love but it gave me life gonna be a smitten mitten till the day you die?"

22/01/17 (Mahiru’s Birthday)

Mahiru: My birthday…… the day I was born…… But was there really any reason for me being born? Lately I’ve started to wonder that. Do you ever think about stuff like that, Yuno-chan? Yuno: Eh? Not really. I mean, Mahiru-san, you’re really the romantic type, right? Not that I have anything against that. But isn’t it a bit much to think that everything in life has a meaning? If it makes you happy to think like that then go ahead, but if it doesn’t, then isn’t that in itself meaningless? Mahiru: : ……you might be right. I’ve always just lived my life like this, so I don’t really know. Yuno: We’ve all just gone through a bunch of things in life that happened to lead us here. It’s nothing more than a coincidence. Definitely not fate or anything. Probably. Even if there isn’t a meaning, you can still be happy that it’s your birthday. That sort of thing’s all you need in life really. So happy birthday, Mahiru-san.

"With this verdict of “innocent”, she’s turned her back on social interactions. It seems like she’s even contemptuous towards MILGRAM itself. That’s the real Yuno Kashiki, you could say. Cold and logical. Practical and unromantic. Getting her to interact is gonna be a heavy lift, I’d say. By the way, I love frosty girls like her."

"Fell in love with a meh and felt like dyin'-"

"So, I'm just smashin' over here OK. Roger that!""

"This feeling's been gone for longer than forever."

"I wanna drink up, but I just can't anymore."

"Fell in love with a blah, wanted to kick the bucket."

Yuno (-273.15°C) 13:17s

"Ahaha, ha! Oh! Also, that reminds me, there was one thing I'm curious about." What? Go ahead and say it. "Am I...really alive?" That's...what do you.. "Hm... if you don't know, then it's fine." Yuno? "Hey, it's time, right?"

Yuno (-273.15°C) 12:44s

"I mean stuff like forgive or not forgive- that's all made-up play! I won't get warm with something like that! Unless you embrace me, it's impossible, no way."

MILGRAM / Jackalope’s “Third Trial Commencement Notice” 2:31s

Your judgement was “innocent”, and as such, her ideas were affirmed. Hm. She seems calm and collected, but just look into her eyes. She can’t hide her inner turmoil. She’s conflicted. But, what changed her wasn’t MILGRAM, it seems. Prisoner No. 006: Mahiru. Witnessing her death was what brought about this change in Yuno.

"Not the judgements of MILGRAM, or being found “innocent” by strangers...... no. What a turn of events. Interesting, isn’t it?"

"Life, I wanted you to care enough to scold me and tell me I was wrong. Damn you."

"What do you want to do? Please tell me."

Tear Drop

"“Poor naive little girl”? So off the mark, what’s it to you? It’s just absurd Like really, who do you think you are?"

"I don’t need to be lectured to like that. Do you just want to make yourself feel even better?"

Hold up gonna derail my own post real quick why the fuck are you so unhappy here Yuno? That is the fakest smile you have ever smiled. This the customer is always right ass smile. This, I swear I'm not under duress ass smile.

This I'm fine ass smile. This I am biting back a scowl ass smile. This other me you better hold me back ass smile.

Ah, that's better never mind.

She fucking hates that guy across the table sooo much it is so funny she fucking hates that man and possibly the audience as well if the stuff rabbit was a stand in for the audience and that guy.

Fucking I can't say it,

"I don’t need to be lectured to like that. Do you just want to make yourself feel even better?"

But I am damn sure thinking it ass smile.

Ah, Yuno I- ya know I wish we could have several more trial I really can't believe this is gonna be the last one. I would like to do this forever with you because you are just that amazing that made my year. What the fuck were we talking about oh yeah- How she fucking hates that guy represented by the color yellow.

Yeah she more than likely does. Dearie me... Never seen a person so unhappy after being paid. The fuck did this man say to have her upset after he gave her a gift and money. Like I can't comprehend fumbling that hard. Fumbled so hard she started having a relationship with herself on screen directly after this interaction.

She's really went I wouldn't treat me like this,

And another version of her showed up and went you're so right babe is this fool bothering you,

Maybe her case is as a clear cut as Haruka's but it's still very fun to think about. Plus, life tends to be a lot more complicated than that so I'm really curious to see what happens. Maybe these mean don't matter at all, maybe those ribbons mean nothing. Who am I to say more than I already have. I will admit though it is always nice to see Yuno again.

Because it's always so fucking messy. Also all the merch and art is really good.

Like ridiculous if all the prisoners are getting straight facing mugshot like bust shots that call back to Undercover and seemingly have their obscured reports attached too for their cd covers this is going to get really fun really fast.

Oh yeah I've been curious about this and it could be me just being like that's weird and it's actually normal but what the hell is up with Yuno irises???

What's with the black curved lines inside. It probably means nothing but I found it interesting anyway. Maybe all the prisoners will have it I don't know. Overall really pretty to look at and fun to speculate about.

[whencyclopedia]

The Ancient Greek symposium is often considered an important part of Greek culture, a place where the elite drank, feasted and indulged in sometimes decadent activities. Although such practices were present in symposia, the writing and performance of poetry is perhaps the most interesting and thought-provoking element of the ancient sympotic tradition. This essay aims to investigate the interestingly varied relationship between the symposium and poetry by approaching it on a number of different levels: the first exploring poetry's capability to inform its reader about the symposium and its associated practises; the second probing poetic relationships with and similarities to other key sympotic components, such as wine; the third questioning the suitability of poetry as a source for establishing the nature of such a relationship. From a modern perspective, that the symposium was a context for the performance of literature immediately and incontrovertibly implies a connection between poetry and the symposium. This then raises questions of the nature of said relationship: did poetry simply sing of sympotic activity, opening up the exclusive and elusive world of the Ancient Greek elite? How was the environment of the symposium particularly suited to the performance of poetry, and did this setting determine or in any way influence the kind of poetry performed? Xenophanes, a Greek philosopher, theologian, poet, and critic, provides a splendid account of sympotic customs, noting the setup of the wine mixing bowl, the food available, and the prayers and libations to the deities before proceedings begin, insinuating that there was a heavily ritualised character to the symposium. In addition, though writing almost a century earlier, Alcaeus, a Greek lyric poet, wrote the line, 'from Teian cups the wine drops fly,' which indicates the playing of drinking games of sorts. It is interesting to note the different times within which each poem was written; the large chronological gap between the two shows that the tradition of depicting sympotic events in poetry was not only maintained, but important. Although in many cases, as examined above, sympotic poetry seemingly provides descriptions and depictions of activities and events during the symposium, it has been argued that pictures of moderate drinking parties may not necessarily mirror reality but are rather a guide as to how to drink 'properly'. Considering also that the symposium was considered a centre for the transmission of traditional values, it seems logical that poetry should reflect not only the happenings but also the aims and intentions of the symposium. For example, Anacreon, writing in the 6th century BCE, provides not only guidance regarding the proper ratio of mixing water to wine: 'come boy, bring us a bowl so I can drink a sconce. Pour in ten ladlesful of water, five of wine, so I can bacchanize once more with no disgrace,' but he also advises on the manner in which one should consume wine, ' come now, this time let's drink not in this Scythian style with din and uproar, but sip to the sound of decent songs.' In addition, Alcaeus, a poet from around the 7th-6th centuries BCE, warns of the dangers of wine, 'if wine fetters the wits, often he hangs his head and blames himself, regretting what he's said, but its too late to take it back.' The occurrence of such guiding themes in poetry written almost 100 years apart emphasizes their importance and hints that such a relationship between the symposium and poetry was strong and continuous. These three instances demonstrate this poetic role and highlight a mutual exchange between the symposium and poetry; while the symposium may provide the subject matter, poetry can provide the constraints and guidance for such subject matter. This shows that already, although only following a brief investigation, the relationship between poetry and the symposium is more intricate than meets the eye. It has been established that a key aspect of the relationship between the symposium and poetry is poetry's ability to depict sympotic activities - the 'seen' components of the symposium, so to speak. However, the relationship assumes a new dimension when one considers the portrayal of the 'invisible' sympotic atmosphere through, rather than imagery and words, the very nature of sympotic poetry. The symposium as an exclusive gathering of elites implies an intimate and sheltered environment for the recitation of poetry. Pottery carrying depictions of the symposium show a keen focus on internal events amongst the participants, and an inward facing layout is suggested by Xenophanes, who points out 'the altar in the middle bedecked with flowers', which gives rise to the idea that the symposium was a gathering separate from the outside world. The repetition of this imagery in different kinds of sources lends strength and credibility to the case for an inwardly directed symposium. From here, parallels can be drawn between sympotic poetry and the arena in which it was performed for and written in. Exemplifying the notion of sympotic isolation, it has been suggested that Theognis, a sixth century BCE Greek lyric poet, saw the themes of sympotic poetry and the symposium as providing refuge from the corruption of Megara, which supports the idea of the sympotic environment as being very sheltered from the outside world. Similarly, although in a slightly lighter-hearted manner, Alcaeus shows the symposium to be an escape from the outside world, but in this case from the weather, 'defeat the weather; light a fire, mix the sweet wine unstintingly and put a nice soft cushion by my head.' Furthermore, although the earliest sympotic poetry may have actually been contemporary with early epic, the content of the respective genres varies widely, due in part perhaps to the different performance environments and audiences of each genre? Having investigated the more straightforward features of the relationship between the symposium and poetry, the time has come to direct attention to its more subtle and elusive constituents. Possibly the most interesting fact about this increasingly intricate relationship, is that poetry finds itself not only associated with the symposium as a whole, but linked in a labyrinthine manner to key elements within the symposium itself, such as wine. In other words, the connections between poetry and the symposium represent relationships within a relationship. It hardly needs to be said that wine was a key component of the symposium. What is curious is the way in which the characteristics of wine and poetry are closely related and in some cases interwoven. On the one hand, one could almost go so far as to argue that, poetry is the literary compliment of wine, and that in the context of the ancient symposium, poetry was approached in a manner not so far removed from the way in which wine was viewed. However, on the other, it could be claimed that poetry was the sympotic antithesis of wine, revealing a more complicated relationship between poetry and wine than may have previously been appreciated. It is evident that many characteristics of wine and poetry are intimately linked in the symposium. Alcaeus remarks that 'wine puts cares out of mind,' and that 'wine is a window into a man' properties shared also with poetry, especially that within the sympotic context which played upon particularly pleasurable themes, as aforementioned. Although parallels between the effects of wine and poetry have begun to emerge, this is not to say that wine and poetry work in the same way. Parallels can also be drawn, establishing a relationship, between wine and the composition of poetry. The historian Whitmarsh states that solids and liquids are not the same as food and drink, which require artfulness and cultivation. It is well established that wine was very much a cultivated and refined product, having been brought from outside into the home, drawing many parallels to the god Dionysos, a key player in the symposium. The writing and 'cultivation' of poetry by the author seems to reflect closely the winemaking process. Additionally, the heavily ritualised and controlled practice of mixing water with wine, mentioned previously in Anacreon's verse, can be interpreted as a mirroring of the careful art of fitting words into a regularly repeated meter then singing them to a tune of a similarly repetitive nature to the meter. Thus it is not unreasonable to suggest that poetry could in fact masquerade as the literary equivalent of wine. Despite the appearance of a harmonious and close relationship between poetry and wine, it can be seen that while poetry may hypothetically offer itself as the literary equivalent of wine in the symposium context, it can simultaneously act as a literary antithesis to wine, almost as a sympotic antidote. The fact that poetry and wine share similar capabilities, as expressed above, raises the question of whether poetry could be interpreted as a medium providing all the benefits of wine, yet without the risk of social embarrassment. The usefulness of ancient poetry as a source for studying the symposium cannot and should not be denied. However, it is important not to let this usefulness get in the way when trying to establish the relationship between the symposium and poetry, as the modern perspective of the relationship could cloud the ancient relationship. On the one hand, as shown above, poetry has a great deal to tell the reader, both implicitly and explicitly about the ancient symposium, demonstrating that it is a good source for establishing the relationship between the symposium and poetry. Yet on the other hand, the fact that a relationship can be seen between poetry and the symposium without much in-depth investigation into the matter raises the question of whether it would be better to consider other sources, such as pottery for example, so as to gain a wider and clearer perspective on the relationship. Lastly, it is interesting to ask why poetry is considered such a suitable source for establishing the relationship between the symposium and poetry; is it because, like the symposium, poetry was a key element of Greek culture which endured through time, therefore, the modern scholar is keen to link the two together in the aim of figuring out their method of survival? The relationship between poetry and the symposium was complex, increasingly so the deeper into individual sympotic elements one delves, finding more subtle connections and similarities all the time. There was also almost certainly a degree of mutual exchange between the two, with one influencing and inspiring the other and vice versa. One thing in particular stands out; that interpretations of the relationship between poetry and the symposium will continue to change and evolve over time, in much the same way that poetry and the symposium can be seen to have helped one another develop in the ancient world. The fact that an active relationship between two aspects of Ancient Greek culture can still be seen today is very exciting.

[deadhands69]

Karaoke: Jujutsu Kaisen

what happens when you go out to a karaoke bar frequented by Jujutsu Sorcerers and Curses?

Once more, I have no clue where in canon this is or what would need to happen for all of them to be in the same room and not kill each other. Anyways, you show up to a karaoke bar with your favs and here's what happens!

Satoru Gojo ♫ do you believe in love after love? ♫

Gojo is alllll over the stage and by that I mean running to every corner of the bar. If he does have a good singing voice, you'd never know it from tonight. He's singing ridiculously on purpose and using the weirdest voices he can come up with. None of the lyrics are right.

All this to get everyone else excited and out of their shells. They all laugh at him, but it works.

Songs: Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins, Believe by Cher, and Never Gonna Give You Up by Rick Astley

Yuji Itadori ♫ don't go there 'cause you'll never return, I know you think of me when you think of her ♫

Yuji is the biggest cheerleader in the room! While he’s not the first to jump on stage and sing, he’s not shy about it. He’s also happy to join you onstage for a duet if you’re nervous.

Songs: R U Mine? by Arctic Monkeys, The Adults are Talking by The Strokes, and Dog Days by Florence + The Machine (also Welcome Home by King Diamond, not because I think he would but because I'd love to see that)

Nobara Kugisaki ♫ if you wanna run away with me, I know a galaxy and I can take you for a ride ♫

Nobara is so excited to be here, after all going to karaoke was her idea! She has four songs in already and is passing out papers, making sure you all put yours in as well.

She makes her way to the stage with a ton of energy! Nobara isn't quite dancing on the bar like Gojo, but she still puts on a show and has fun with it. Like Yuji, she'd also be happy to do a duet with you if you're nervous.

Songs: Levitating by Dua Lipa and Barracuda by Heart

Megumi Fushiguro ♫ please please please let me get what I want, lord knows it would be the first time ♫

Megumi doesn't really want to sing, but given the group, he gets pressured into it pretty quickly.

He nonchalantly walks up to the small stage and without much dancing, proceeds to sing the saddest songs he could find in the book without even realizing it. The energy of the crowd TANKS and there he is not fully noticing. Great voice though!

Songs: Please Please Please Let Me Get What I Want by The Smiths, Hurt by Nine Inch Nails, and Mad World (the Gary Jules version)

Maki Zenin ♫ don't you ever say I just walked away, I will always want you ♫

Maki says she doesn't want to go out but secretly does. Sings a much cuter sweeter song that anyone expected then goes back to the table without saying a word about it. Don't worry, she's still having a lot of fun!

Song: Wrecking Ball by Miley Cyrus

Toge Inumaki ♫ salmon salmon saAAaaallmmmon ♫

Toge changes the lyrics to rice ball ingredients because of course he does. He has a surprisingly good voice but you're not sure if that's just the cursed energy hitting you and making you think that. 

Songs: Like a Prayer by Madonna and Africa by Toto

Aoi Todo ♫ I want you to want me, I need you to need me, I'd love you to love me ♫

Todo is also SO happy to be there. He's so excited to hype everyone up. Does a lot of duets with Yuji and dedicates anything close to a love song to Nobuko Takada.

Songs: Want You to Want Me by Cheap Trick, Jessie's Girl by Rick Springfield, and Girls Girls Girls by Motley Crue

Mahito ♫ yeeeAAAAaaaAaaaEeeeaaah it's a party in the U S Aaayy ♫

Mahito doesn't know any of the songs listed but he goes with it. It's silly. He puts in way too many songs and wanders off without showing up for all of them when his name is called.

Songs: What wouldn't Mahito sing? He mostly picks girly pop songs though.

Choso ♫ show me how you do it and I promise you I promise that I'll run away with you ♫

Choso is shy about it but opens up enough to sing a song as the night goes on. I think he'd have a great voice but he would probably still sound pretty timid on stage. Maybe if you encourage him, he might sing another one!

Song: Just Like Heaven by The Cure

Toji Fushiguro ♫ not about to see your light but if you wanna find hell with me I can show you what it's like ♫

Worm duet?? Or does the worm get the cowbell?

Songs: Don't Fear the Reaper by Blue Oyster Cult and Mother by Danzig

Sukuna came out briefly before realizing: no, he does not have any interest in this modern singing thing you’re all doing. He misses the Heian era when people did normal things like hunting their enemies for sport. The fact that none of you have been publicly executed for the crimes that are your voices is appalling to him.

He abruptly disappears as fast as he showed up, leaving Yuji massively confused while standing on stage looking like he forgot the lyrics for a few lines before trying to find his place again.

Yuta Okkotsu ♫ takkkkeee me home, I'll be gone iaddyyyaawoo hehehehe ♫

Yuta laughs more than he sings and keeps losing track of where he's at in the song. It doesn't help that Toge keeps jumping in to encourage him (the two of them definitely picked their songs together!)

Later in the evening, he gets really drunk and takes Rika out for a duet, sorry everyone - time to call it a night. 

The karaoke bar is closed.

Songs: Take On Me by a-ha and Surrender by Cheap Trick

jjk masterlist

taglist: @kennys-partner @moonstonejpg @wealltiredherelol @crowned-gemini

[dreamlandgirlie]

is there ever a song that you’ve always like but then suddenly there comes a day where you can relate to it and it hits just that much harder

[hajihiko]

I had a dream the other night

[dreameroftheblue]

And guilty I may be But don't give up on me In the wake of the Odyssey We will still be thick as thieves You and me, still thick as thieves

[jennyfromthebes]

survey for tmg fans: what's your favorite "(thing) song"? like torch song, water song, new star song, etc. you know the ones. mine is probably sun song

[skywalker-swift]

btw cause I think some people still need to hear this, but the rose colored glasses coming off and the ‘revision’ to the meanings of her songs about joe was always gonna happen. with travis around or not. so saying she should focus on her new relationship is not the dunk you were thinking it is. like I keep saying it but she wrote him into her world, she included him in the world she wrote music in, and when she needed to, she wrote him out. why would he get to stay when he hasn’t earned that anymore? she would have kept him in, she even would have left the bad stuff in a box, but he didn’t seem like he wanted that part of her life. please can we all just realize that this is just such a normal reaction and end to a relationship and Taylor doesn’t need to ‘take the high road’ or whatever just because she’s in a new relationship. the reckoning of what happened was always going to be closing the chapter of the story she wrote for them. she’s releasing it whether you’re ready to reckon with her or not.

[wavesoutbeingtossed]

coney island x mbobhft

WHAT A COMPLETE SHOCK I WONDER WHAT INSTIGATED THIS /ijbol

Sorry for putting you on blast friend but also this is a very unique experience we share 😂

Ah, London N6, a night that will live in infamy for many reasons, not the least of which being IT WAS RARE WE WERE THERE WE REMEMBER IT ALL TOO WELL.

As many of you will know (and @claudiajcregg literally witnessed next to me as I mouthed WHAT THE FUCK), this is the mashup that broke my brain because it made my third eye open in the rafters of fuckass Wembley Stadium.

Warning: this is going to be a very long one because I am far too personally invested in it 😂

(It's so interesting seeing it from this angle head-on given that we were behind the stage 😂 I don't think I've ever seen it properly lol.)

First of all, My Boy was one of those songs that I loved as a bop when TTPD came out, but then when the voice memo version was released last summer (iirc a few weeks before this?) it made the song click even more pointedly because it made it infinitely sadder (and clearer and maybe confirmed my own inklings but anyway). Looking over my blog archives the day it was released is a trip because it can just be summed up as: IT'S SO FUCKING SAD! The idea that someone who you considered your closest confidant also being the one to help break you into a million more pieces? Devastating! "It sounds sad because I'm sad in general," ugh. But I digress.

Then you have Coney Island, which is where I confess that despite evermore being my favourite album, the song was one I didn't particularly gravitate towards. It's beautiful! It's evocative! It just wasn't one that like, permeated my consciousness all that much. It was one of those "wow she's sure telling a sad story with pretty words" type of things. Until, of course, she combined it with My Boy to maximize their joint slay that wrecked my brain and made me reconsider BOTH of them.

OK ENOUGH BACKSTORY LET'S GET TO THE PLOT 😂

Should've known it was only a matter of time, my boy only breaks his favourite toys... Break my soul in two, looking for you but you're right here, and if I can't relate to you anymore, then who am I related to? I loooooooove that transition! Again, one of the fun parts of the mashups that has become more evident as I've been on this exercise is that sometimes you can see the "hook" lyrically of what makes her craft the mashup. Here, it's the break toys/break my soul parallel.

And I *think* this might have been the point at which my brain went WAIT WHAAAAAAAAAAT in real time lmao. Again, I don't know why Coney Island never quite rooted itself in my brain, although thinking back on it, I do wonder if the fact that it's a duet played a role in that; as someone who tends to gravitate towards melody/sound before lyrics, maybe the fact that it's split between Matt Berninger and Taylor just made the story "split" in my brain? I don't know, but Taylor playing it on her own on the piano somehow made it click haha.

So back to the story of the mashup: You have the start of the story about the a cycle of depression (voices in his head), resentment (only breaks his favourite toys) and lashing out (I'm queen of sandcastles he destroys). And the cycle is on both parts tbh (sickest army doll/rivulets descend my plastic smile). It's a contrast to the early days of the relationship, where she felt like they were something special (but you should have seen him when he first got me/it fit too right, puzzle pieces in the dead of night), even though reality would set in and destroy it.

So then enter Coney Island, where she/the narrator is saying: you keep breaking me because you're pulling away from me (ostensibly because of said cycle) and I don't know why. You used to be the person I relied on the most in this world, and now I feel like half of me is drifting away. (At least, that's how I read "break my soul in two.") Like, this person is still physically there, but in every other respect, they're a million miles away. (Looking for you, but you're right here.) You used to be my everything, my other half, but if you're now pulling away from me, how am I supposed to exist in this world without you? (if I can't relate to you, then who am I related to?)

So admittedly this is where the duet vs. solo gets complicated in the narrative lol and I'm probably going to contradict myself just as a warning. But the theme from the start of My Boy is totally reflected in, "If this is the long haul, how did we get here so soon? Did I close my fist around something delicate, did I shatter you?" Again, the idea of: this was supposed to be our forever, yet it seems like we have just hit the beginning of the end. Was it something I did? Did I break you the way you've broken me? Is that why I'm in so much pain? IT'S SO SAD. (And again: is not only very similar to the theme of My Boy, but IMO of TTPD in general.)

The chorus of Coney Island is what this mashup REALLY illuminated for me: The idea of remembering the good times at a spot that used to be yours together, and wondering how the hell you lost sight of each other (lol) and ended up here, broken and alone. "Sorry for not making you my centrefold, over and over" is so ouchie because if it's the narrator singing that, it could almost be a little resentful, like, "I made you the centre of my universe, sorry I couldn't keep doing it again," but if it's the subject, it's like, "sorry I could never prioritize you the way you did me," and either way it's SAD.

"Lost again with no surprises, disappointments close your eyes and it gets colder as the sun goes down," REALLY got me, because it's just so resigned! Like, you keep expecting things to get better, but they don't, and you're just continually disappointed and floored with every setback. There's no grand gesture, no magic cure to save the day, everything just wilts and fades away. "It gets colder and colder as the sun goes down," is just like... all the life in your home and your relationship bleeding out like, well, death by a thousand cuts.

The bridge of Coney Island finally really hit me here because it's like the promise of youth being completely replaced by the jadedness of adulthood. "Were you waiting at our old spot in the tree line by the gold clock, did I leave you hanging every single day?" to me just feels like: I knew you were waiting for me [to join you-- and IMO that's a metaphor for "you were waiting for me to be ready for our plans"], but I kept stalling and with every day that I stalled I hurt you even more. Obviously this may be reading too much into it, but I could make a case for the "old spot by the tree line" being a stand-in for a familiar beloved space (e.g. home) and the gold clock being a stand-in for counting down to life plans that had once been on a timeline that no longer were. But this is getting deep into literary analysis instead of a walk down memory lane with the mashup itself 😂 Anyhoo this just gave me more thoughts about another song but we are not going there on main.

And of course, "did I paint your bluest skies the darkest gray a universe away" ties into so much of what we hear on TTPD (and imo much of rep through Midnights too), but also calls back to "here we go again, the voices in his head call the rain to end our days of wild," in the My Boy intro of this mashup. Like I said, this is where the duet vs. solo gets complicated if you're looking at it from a performance point of view here 😂 but it makes sense to me. (And to borrow from twitter brain rot, it fits my narrative.) But, this person drifting away emotionally and taking it out on her (a universe away) completely tears her world apart and turns her world into sadness in kind. (Which: again, is the theme of My Boy too.)

And maybe my favourite part of the mashup, thematically and sonically because it brings it all together:

When I got into the accident, the sight that flashed before me was your face, but when I walked up to the podium, I think that I forgot to say your name... but just say when I'd play again, he was my best friend down at the sandlot, I felt more when he played pretend than with all the Kens, cause he took me out of my box, stole my tortured heart, left all these broken parts, told me I'm better off, but I'm not.

It's this idea of: this person loves you more than anything (e.g. your face being the first they see when their life flashes before their eyes), but being unable to show you that kind of love and taking you for granted in spite of it (forgot to say your name). Like, I'd die for you, but I still can't be there for you. THAT IS HEAVY. (Yes, complicated by duet/solo, no, I don't care.) And in spite of it all, I would have still tried again! (And she did, ahem.) Because even when you hurt me, I still loved you more than anyone else! This love felt like it was worth more than the pain it caused, even when I was denying how much it was hurting me! I somehow believed you every time, but I know it was killing me. OOF.

(I could say "told me I'm better off, but I'm not," sounds like "You swore that you loved me, but where were the clues?" but I don't mean to veer into muse discourse because the mashup stories stand alone on their own etc.)

In the end, it comes down to "he saw forever, so he smashed it up." If you're looking at it as one full story, My Boy is like the context about the dark place they both find themselves in, and Coney Island fills in the lines about how said boy broke said favourite toy, little by little, until it turns into the destructive force you find in My Boy that leaves her in pieces to pick up on her own. And this is a case where the mashup really deepened my understanding of BOTH songs! Coney Island wasn't just a tale of fading love in the backdrop of the place of childhood dreams, it's a whole metaphor for a shared life disintegrating. And while I got the themes of My Boy instantly, pairing it with a song that's a little more grounded in reality kind of highlights the darkness behind the toy box conceit even further. My Boy sets the stage for the fallout from mental health and personal struggles, and Coney Island shows how that happens.

As an aside, she does some incredible things vocally in this mashup, and the way she belts out "I'm not" repeatedly is one of them! The power! The emotion! Master class in using your voice as a tool to tell a story! From the first quiet "I'm not," to the final angry one, it is a journey!!!

Thank you so much for this bestie!!!! It took me literal hours but it was worth it 😂 Aaah August 2024 you will always be famous.

(And for everyone else: we are still on a moratorium for mashup madness asks because I still have too many to go through lol. I will let y'all know when I am accepting requests again!)