#and makes me think ''oh shit now I HAVE to do task bc friend is keeping me accountable '' yknow?

[butnotbubblegum]

using the tags to vent my current emotional state into the void bc ig story feels like a bad plan for this, read at your own risk.

[cyberpunkboytoy]

Heya, I need to get some shit done so I'm trying out positive reinforcement. I saw these OC friend group questions and decided they are my reward: for every task I get done, I get to answer a prompt (and I'll be adding a doodle to each one)✌

These four all end up as a friend group midway through Terminal Status, and have some pretty fun dynamics between them. Please let me ramble about my OCs by sending me asks with prompt numbers.

[phagodyke]

friends are making plans to go stay with each other but it's the weekend I'm going to see my favourite band. the universe fucking hates me

[satoruxx]

pairing: gojo satoru x reader summary: bestfriend!satoru has returned, fluff, pining, slightly angsty bc of pining, simp satoru hehe, oblivious reader is back again, satoru loves you !! rheya's note: continuation to this drabble bc bestfriend!satoru is everything to me !!

bestfriend!satoru who insists that you have him on speed dial because "he's the most important person in your life" but really it just satisfies him to know that he's the first one you'd call if you needed anything.

bestfriend!satoru who started off being a bit of an ass when you first met. not because he was trying to be but because he's got an ego and doesn't know how to control it, until you call him out for his shit and it sends his heartbeat all out of wack.

bestfriend!satoru who doesn't trust anyone else around you. it's not out of concern or anything, oh no. but in his expert opinion only him and the people he trusts (like suguru, shoko, or nanami) should ever get within six feet of you.

bestfriend!satoru who waits outside every class for you, leaning against the wall with a bag of your favorite snacks in his hand, glasses perched low on his nose. the smile that crawls onto his face as you walk out of the classroom and join him is practically blinding.

bestfriend!satoru who grows older thinking of nothing but you. the person most important to him, the person he would move galaxies for. and no, it's not romantic or anything. he's just your best friend.

bestfriend!satoru who realizes that he's not the only one in the world who knows that you're attractive, and has to clench his fists with a scowl as he sees other men noticing you. then he has to stop and check himself because, why on earth is he mad about it?

bestfriend!satoru who starts openly staring at you because he can't even control it anymore, eyes soft and overflowing affection as he watches you indulge in silly mundane tasks. and when you turn and catch him looking all he can do is give you a dreamy little smile. he's got no excuses but he's gonna play it off like it's something you shouldn't worry about anyway.

bestfriend!satoru who makes you his number one priority, who doesn't care about anyone else when you're in front of him. and even if you aren't around, he can't bring himself to look at anyone else. if someone comes up to him on the street, mumbling something about how he's their type and they'd like his contact info, all he does is give them a breezy wave, saying "sorry. i got someone waiting for me."

bestfriend!satoru who, when you're trying to explain something and someone speaks over you, gives you a resolute "no i'm listening." and doesn't take his eyes away from you until you've said all that you needed to. don't ever think that nobody is listening to you because you always have his attention.

bestfriend!satoru who grits his teeth as you tell him about another unsuccessful date with a man who didn't even know how to treat you right. and how could they, when they don't even know how you like your coffee or what side of the bed you prefer to sleep on? they don't know what your favorite movie snack is or about your obsession with plants or your most precious pair of fluffy socks. not the way he does.

bestfriend!satoru who has to hold himself back during your ranting, who has to keep himself from just letting go and spilling that you weren't going to find someone who loved you more than he did. to stop himself from leaning down and kissing you so hard it takes your breath away, because he's wanted to do it since he was sixteen. he was just too stupid to understand it back then.

bestfriend!satoru who chooses to wait instead, knowing that he'll be stuck with these feelings for the rest of his life, so he'd rather wait for you. because he'd hate himself if he made you uncomfortable, and if he lost the relationship he had with you now over his silly little heart. no instead, he'll keep proving himself, staying by your side and showing you even just of fraction of the devotion he knows he has for you, if it means that you'll be by his side. and hoping that one day, maybe, you'd tell him you feel the same.

[xotication]

can u do gamer!kaneki and reader doing a stream where it’s just them goofing off and doing random stuff? like reader does his makeup on stream, smash or pass w anime characters, etc. ofc if you’d like !! thank u ♡

of course! sorry this took so long :(

☆,

as you know, kaneki has been streaming for a while now. his viewers love him, but they also love you! he’s starting to think he can’t have one stream where they’re not begging him to bring you in.

eventually you become a reoccurring guest, no matter what is is you two are doing.

his viewers eventually give you guys ideas of some silly things to do.

like one time you guys had to remake peoples instagram stories. you guys would just scroll thru your mutuals stories & randomly click on one.

it left you guys posting some corny couple photos, random fit checks, your attempts at some of the fancy dinners they were eating, or even random videos between them & their friends.

another time, the viewers begged & BEGGED the two of you to play smash or pass & it was the funniest thing ever.

“okok. uhm, smash or pass satoru gojo”

“smash.”

“smash.”

“hello??”

“what- i can’t smash gojo but you can?? he’s my glorious blue eyed king!”

“YOUR?! ken baby, he doesn’t even know who you ARE!”

“just shhh..”

“ok wtv. smash or pass eren jaeger”

“pass..”

“smash.”

“excuse me? didn’t he commit like every war crime.. ever?”

“ok & he was sexy while doing it all.”

“is that what i have to do for you..?”

“absolutely.”

“you were supposed to say no….”

“oh-”

this continued with a plethora of people & by the end of it, you guys were questioning each other so hard.

some of your guys’ other friends got wrapped into the content. one night you called up hide to test his loyalty.

“uhm- hey hide. is kaneki there with you? he said he’d be hanging out with you, but i haven’t heard from him in hours.”

hide literally requests to facetime you & walks you throughout his whole house to show no signs of kaneki. manz was playing NO games. & kaneki was so heartbroken.

“bro how’re you gonna expose me like that?!”

“bc if you’re cheating on your girl, i’m not gonna help you cover that shit up. be a man, moron”

“ok chill. i didn’t even cheat”

“yeah +10k aura for hide..”

“ok i’m hanging up wtf”

-

you ended up asking ken if you guys could do a cooking and/or baking stream. but without a recipe, he agrees & this makes for the most viral stream yet.

you have hide and ayato there to let you guys know how much time there is left, to referee the whole situation, & ofc to judge the food

you’re instructed to make pasta, FROM SCRATCH.

things start off well, but when you take a bathroom break, kaneki ends up sabotaging your dish.

he’s adding in a lil bit too much salt to your pasta sauce, & tasting it makes his whole face scrunch up.

when you come back, hide looks so guilty. like he had seen something he wasn’t supposed to see. which was of course, the underlying truth. all the while ayato was there, pokerfaced.

noticing this, you immediately assume ken is suspicious, “kaneki what’d you do.”

“what?? nothing.”

“hide is he lying.”

“i dunno”

“you were here the whole time?! ‘wdym i dunno’ you do know!”

“no i don’t?!”

you decide to let it go.

the whole process is chaotic, but fun. by the time it’s ready for judging, you & kaneki were both stressed out.

making noodles from SCRATCH without a recipe isn’t an easy task.

ken’s plate looked like mario & luigi threw it up, while yours looked like a penguin just regurgitated it to its baby.

you guys place the plates on the dinner table & you sit across from ayato & hide.

“alright chat. the foods done, looking rather.. interesting. i’m a little hesitant & scared to consume this but, we move”

“shall we?” ayato hands hide a fork & they both take a bite from ken’s dish first.

“uh- okay. i mean it’s definitely food. definitely a plate of food, i think” hide speaks first.

& ayato follows up with, “this is awful, ken”

kaneki gasps, almost as if hurt by the words, “okay then try y/n’s!”

& when they do, they’re pleasantly surprised. hide was expecting it to be salty as FUCK. but of course you peeped the chat saying how much salt ken had added. so you just added a shit ton of tomato sauce to even it all out. & it made for a yummy dish!

“this is decent! it’s not the greatest ever, but it’s also not the worst. definitely better than kaneki’s. the noodles are bit easier to chew & the sauce is almost normal”

“so did i win” you asked & ken looked so defeated in his seat..

“uhm. no you didn’t win. rightfully so, anyway.” ayato informs him & you jump for joy!

“you shouldn’t have tried to sabotage me, ken”

“how’d you even know?!”

-

lastly, one day you were super bored. you didn’t even plan on getting in stream with ken. you kinda just wanted to chill that day. but you chilled too hard. now you were literally doing nothing.

you put your phone down & wiped your eyes after scrolling through tiktok for what felt like hours.

“what to do, what to do” you said to yourself.

an idea clicks & you quickly jumped from your bed to make way to your closet.

you're putting on a cute dress & getting ready for, well, nothing at all. but it's all part of the plan. ken is so wrapped up in his gaming that he takes no notice of you at all. you're at your vanity pulling together the last pieces of your look.

even chat notices before your own boyfriend does, they're thinking ken has to leave soon because you guys are going somewhere but that's not at all the case.

you're stood by the bedroom door, all dolled up & pretty. "okay ken, i'm gonna go to target!" he looks back at you for a quick second & then back at his monitor.

"okay, see you later, love you!"

you walk out the room & ken is reading his chat. "target.. in that outfit?" "bro is not going to target" "bro didn't even see what his girl was wearing" "ken.. she said target, not the red carpet"

finally ken takes a second to picture what it was you were wearing again, & he gets up so fast he almost falls.

mans literally sprints out the room, out the house, & finds you sitting in your car. when you saw him, the last thing you had expected him to do was remove you from the car, & throw you over his shoulder but that's exactly what he does.

ken carries you all the way to the bedroom & throws you on the bed. stream STILL going btw.

"change."

is all he says before he's sat back in his chair, queuing into another game.

most of the girls in the chat are going crazy, rightfully so tbh.

ken looked back at you to see if you had listened, & when he saw you on the bed, still just laying there.. he wasted no time ending the stream.

he began to undress you himself. took off his own shirt, pulled it over your head, & then he took you to the bathroom to help wash your makeup off.

"going to target my fucken ass."

blehhhhhhh

[runningfrom2am]

michigan cherry // part eight

summary: walking into a saloon in a nowhere town, billy meets a singer who he just can't get off his mind after she slips through his fingers; onto another town, another show- following nothing but the stars in her path. until he sees her again. another nowhere town and equally dusty saloon, but this time, the band of kids who made up her family is nowhere to be found. he's running away from something, and she is storming full speed toward something else, and tangling into each other's lives may just get both of them exactly where they want to be.

pairing: william h. bonney x fem!reader

wc: 2.3k

masterlists / nav / requests

tags/warnings: singer!reader (she’s giving very much lucy gray), probably a little bit ooc billy but hey i tried- anyway he’s a sweetheart, use of guns and violence, murder and violence but i try to keep it non-descript, oh also she’s an orphan sorry (once again, lucy gray vibes), strangers to friends to lovers trope eee. also not thoroughly proofread oops

the songs in this chapter are: "The Old Therebefore (Acapella)" by Rachel Zegler, and "Suneater" by Leanna Firestone !!

a/n: its been soo long ah! i'm sorry! i've been BOOKED (what's new) anyways hopefully i can sort my shit out bc i love this story sm. also i didn't edit this bc at least i wrote it yk.

my asks are also open to talk about this series! (i do have emoji anons open now too!)

send me any and all of your thoughts! here!

series masterlist // pinterest board // playlist

The chill from the sheer stress of staring down the barrel of a gun makes the transition back into the howling winds that much easier. Staring back at the barn with the doors now being forced closed from the inside, you let Billy drag you away, and you're not even meaning to make it difficult by nearly stumbling with every step. He seems empathetic to your cause, not letting it affect the process of trying to get you somewhere safe.

Options were limited, more so now than before. Part of him wants to break down the front door of the house your little brother occupies and shove you and your precious guitar under a bed and hope it's enough, but with the way the walls are rocking in the wind as it was with the twister still a ways off, surviving long enough to have to claw you out from under the debris of a collapsed house certainly sounds like a daunting task.

Okay, new plan. Away from the house. Far away.

Behind the house, there's a series of rolling hills that expand in nearly every direction. Billy doesn't know much about surviving a tornado, but if he could just get you far enough out into this open field, the odds of it passing by so close to cause any harm were slimmer, right? It's not like cyclones could track or follow body heat- as far as he knew anyway, but right now it sure felt like it did. It was probably still miles away, but he couldn't hear past the racing winds.

You don't even say anything. You can't, even has the house and it's barn where Harvey is hopefully safe and sound disappear quickly from your view; thanks to the gray cloak of rain soaking your show dress and the notebook in your hand.

There's a flash in the cool darkness that the late afternoon turned into, a bright light tinted almost blue that you don't process even happened until it was gone. It's the following bout of thunder that startles you after, jolting you closer to Billy's side.

On what must be gut instinct alone he drops your hand to throw his arm around your back, more so pushing you now rather than pulling.

There's no viable destination, surrounded only by long grass whipping in the wind in a similar way to your hair, and rolling hills.

That'll have to do, Billy thinks, pushing you as gently as he can down into the little valley and shouting over the wind with his hand firmly on your back. "Lay down!"

"Huh?!" You snap out of your daze, through the storm to look at him.

"Lay down!" He repeats himself, pulling you down onto the ground with him and you tumble into the wet grass. He lands on top of you, legs tangled together and weighed down by your guitar case on his back which you're damn sure just knocked him hard in the back of the head.

His elbows are braced on either side of your head, and for a moment you get a chance to breathe without being drowned by the heavy rainfall. Nose to nose, you could feel Billy's warm breaths on your face, and you can tell he's feeling as relieved as you are even though he's the one being poured on right now- his eyes closed tight and chest heaving against yours.

God have mercy.

You have to close your eyes again to try and keep it together. You were upset with him, you know you were- but the reason is a long lost mystery right now with him laying on top of you in a ditch, trying possibly in vain to protect you from this dreadful storm.

You don't know how long your eyes are pinched shut before you feel his cold hand on your face, pushing your wet hair away from where it was clinging to your skin. "Are you okay?" He asks, and you can certainly hear him being so close.

You nod, leaning your cheek into his palm as he rests it against your cheek, brows furrowed in concentration and worry as he strokes your face with his thumb. "Fine." You answer, finding it hard still to catch your breath.

Unsure what else to do, you wrap your arms around his waist and hold on while he keeps the wind out of your face.

"We just gotta wait it out." He huffs, lifting his head slightly to look around, but it's impossible to see a damn single thing.

Having him so close erases any fear of being sucked away and thrown off miles high by this tornado, and your heart is beating fast- indiscernable from adrenaline or just... him.

With your eyes squeezed shut again, he can't tell if you really are okay, if you're panicking, and the raindrops soaking your skin make it hard to tell if you're crying.

"You're headed for heaven, sweet old hereafter..."

You open your eyes again when you hear him singing one of your own songs, your eyes coloured thoroughly with misunderstanding. It doesn't last long when he keeps going, the low tones of his voice bringing in recognition and even the beginnings of a smile that makes him feel comfortable with his decision to try and cheer you up.

"And I've got one foot in the door..."

Billy nudges your cheek gently with his knuckle, the playful smile on his lips prompting you to join in.

"But before I can fly up, I've loose ends to tie up, right here in the old therebefore."

You sing along with him this time, and gradually, line by line, you're getting louder and smiling ear to ear. Somewhere along the line you'd lost him, but that had never mattered to you. He didn't know all the words but he knew enough.

"When I'm pure like a dove, when I've learned how to love-"

He cuts you off abruptly, and you're surrounded by an unreal warmth laying on the cold ground as he kisses you like his life depended on it. Like he had been waiting his entire life for this, and right now, he's sure he was. If he was swept away by this tornado in a matter of seconds his only regret would be that he didn't get to kiss you more.

Your lips are cold, cheeks wet as his skin slides over yours and you can feel him breathing you in, heart and soul in their entirety. You were terrified before of losing another good thing, even though you had known from the moment you laid your eyes on him that this is what you had wanted.

"For someone who sings like an angel," He murmurs into your lips, pulling away just enough to get the words out and you can feel the slight curve of a smile there to match your own, "You sure do taste sweet as sin."

You had spent another week rolling around the hills of Crystal City, holding onto each other as tight as you had during the storm that blew you back together in the first place. The outside world, as far as the two of you were concerned, ceased to exist after you helped with a few repairs here and there, steering clear of the Booker's and their home.

"So," Billy grins, arms snaking around your waist from behind in the chilly water, pulling you back and close to his chest. "You write that song about me, sunshine?"

You're nearly shivering, but your cheeks still heat up as you drop your head back against his shoulder. "What song?" You ask, trying to fight the smile on your face as you scrub the water over your bare arms in some attempt to get clean.

He nudges his nose into your temple. "Any of 'em."

"One or two." You admit. "But to get this straight, you're confessing to reading my journal?"

"My mistake, I thought it was public art I was appreciating." You can feel him smirk against the damp skin of your cheek.

"So public you waited until it was unattended to read it without asking, huh?"

He shrugs, thumbing the incredibly soft skin on either side of your stomach. "I needed to really... soak it in, y'know? That depth of beauty needs its solitude to be loved correctly." He mumbles into your hair. "Like you."

You roll your eyes, turning and slipping out of his grip only to splash him, your free hand coming up to cover your chest under the summer sun. It's a beautiful day, a perfect day, even. "I'll sing you a new one tomorrow." You tell him, but he's quickly distracted.

"Hey, none of that!" He laughs, lifting his hand up to block the spray of creek water from his face.

He takes a swift step closer, the minor wave helping you back up faster away and Billy believes he's never seen anything brighter than that precious smile of yours.

"None of what?" You giggle, and with another quick movement he's grabbing your arms to free you up to his gaze again. Instead of fighting him on it though, you grab onto his wrists and fall limp backwards, dragging him into the shallow water with you which he wouldn't dare to resist.

The next night, the saloon was up and running again and oh, how it was a good night for a show. The air was buzzing with everyone being eager to forget their troubles- both perpetual or caused by the storm.

It's crowded, and your guitar case is to be the vessel of many a tip tossed from the hands of drunk men who were feeling particularly lucky in poker.

You could smell it in the air, tonight would be good.

You step up onto the stage after downing a warm shot of honey, grabbing your guitar and picking at it mindlessly to grab the attention of anyone who intended to listen. That number has greatly increased over the last few months, your name was being passed around like a bottle of strong whiskey in a friendly crowd. So, Billy watches as people quiet down, his eyes returning to you from his seat at a poker table where he was attempting to win something decent to contribute to your savings.

"Hope everyone's havin' a good night so far." You grin, forcing your gaze to scan the crowd instead of remaining anchored to Billy in the corner. "I figure it's likely everyone needs some cheerin' up, that was one hell of a tempest, wasn't it?"

There's some shouts of agreement, some confused mumbles at the term. Your smile splits your face and you nod. "Hey, but we're all here, ain't we? We should count that a blessing. And the sun is back, bigger and brighter than ever."

Your eyes meet Billy's again and you can just see the slight curve of his lips in one corner- he simply couldn't not smile like an idiot in your presence.

"That being said, this song is called Suneater."

The introduction earns you some laughs as you begin the first few chords, glancing down at the journal on the floor next to you to refresh your memory before you started singing.

"Angels danced the day that you were born, Oh, I'm so sure they celebrated when you arrived. You're so bright, I swear, you swallowed the sun And I am so in awe, just basking in your light."

The way you were looking at Billy every couple seconds is the only viable indicator that you wrote this about him, because surely, he was the farthest thing from a bask-able light. On top of that, he hadn't read it in your journal a few weeks earlier when he was feeling forgivably nosey. But you had written it this week, and it was possibly the fastest any song had ever come together from the very forefront of your mind.

"But I am just the one who swallowed the moon The only light that I have's just a reflection of you. You're the sea of tranquillity, You're all of my stars, You're Neptune and Saturn, You're Venus and Mars, And I see the whole galaxy in your eyes."

Billy sits back and crosses his arms, his cards clutched tight to his chest as he shakes his head a little at you and your horrible misinterpretation of who is who in this unofficial and heavenly relationship. You can still see him smiling though, knowing he couldn't flip this on you while you were performing.

"And I long to tell you But I think it'll only make you shy. You got the heart of a Leo. But you're sweet like a Pisces, And the only thing I know is I think I might be falling for The boy who swallowed the sun."

He draws a few eyes followed by your own loving gaze, and he shrinks back a little in his seat, lowering his hat just a bit. For reasons obvious to him, he didn't love having eyes on him.

Your smile just grows, assuming you had been right about your assumption mentioned in the song that it would make him shy. To be fair, you are too. As much as you openly cared for one another, you both were yet in the week after your kiss to share a single word and genuine as these. A confession. A real I love you.

"I will keep the tides in tune if you will make the flowers bloom And gravity will do the rest and pull me back to you. Just like Hades and Persephone, The boy who ate the sun and me, You have brought sunshine to the dark side of the moon."

As the bar continued to be mostly entranced by your melodious serenade, you're slightly distracted. You had looked away from Billy for no more than a few seconds to maintain a better stage presence, when you see him stand out of the corner of your eye. Stand, head down and walk between chairs and tables, past the bar, and out the back door, your eyes following the whole way as your smile steadily faded which each step he took away during your love song.

You feel your heart crack in your chest, but the show must go on.

no taglist this time around!! my fics usually get over a hundred requests to be added to the taglist so instead i made a library! follow me over on @runningfrom2am-library and turn on notifs to get updates when i post new parts!!

[thatdeadaquarius]

Friend. F r I e N d. Your smol brother Razor hcs made my insides flippyflop. I beg, I plead...

My daughter QiQi? Holding onto my sleeve while we go picking herbs so she knows she can get home? Getting her a little bag with a notebook and pen so she always has memory?

SAYING THE LINE FROM WHERE THE WIND LEADS AND ASKING FOR A HUG?!

Scolding Baizhu for letting her go herb picking when he knows she probably won't remember the way home?!?! Because Archons man like NO.

Hello!! Flippyflop??!! Over my writing ??!! 🥺🥺 <3

AND FOR MY NEXT TRICK... WE SHALL DO... THE OTHER CHILD THAT NEEDS A CARING ADULT!!

Also srry im rlly slow getting to yalls asks i promise it will come and i love u all for giving me asks <33

(*´▽)ノ✨️ NOW LETS GO ! ! ✨️

(Now before yall come at me, I am aware Baizhu does care about her, but BUT, he still is studying her/canonically has ulterior motives, and lets her pick herbs when she may not be able to find her way back, also he doesnt strike me as the type to be super affectionate/parental, as cute as it is to write him that way)

What a b l e s s e d ask, this is so cute i love all the kids in genshin their adorable

So... im kinda a consistent Sagau writer, and i love requests like this! But also, im not sure if u guys want me to still apply Sagau/Isekai setting to these requests on top of what was initially asked??

So i will pretty much always make all requests will be SAGAU/ISEKAI Reader based, UNLESS YOU STATE OTHERWISE IN THE ASK!!

Oh Qiqi, another child product of ✨️traumatic events✨️

(Future me after finishing this: oh god what monster have I unleashed upon the world, upon the sagau tag, upon my innocent followers...)

Damn ur lucky u didnt land in Jueyun Karst or nothin

Or on one of the many mountains/cliffs all over Liyue

Its honestly more a shock u arent on a mountain bc theres so many,,

Ur pretty close to Liyue Harbor luckily, not in town, but sort of at the base of Mt Tianheng by the looks of it, almost behind it

Its about sunset too, WOW

Liyue Harbor is hella bigger than in game, holy fuck its actually a huge port city

Should u go into the city??

Ur not sure, do they speak English??

...Wait u dont got a single mora

U cant even get an inn rn RIP

?? Should u just? Find a cave?? To sleep in??

But what about monsters??!

(Call Xiao? Nah he'd freak tf out on u, Shenhe maybe? She is the only option u can think of that seems like she would possibly take in a random homeless traveler from another world, mostly bc she could beat ur ass no matter what)

So,, Shenhe? Maybe? Ur still not sold on the idea but maybe u could gather something out here to sell on a street corner?? Or to Wanmin maybe for fresh ingredients?

Yeah sure why not,

With that, u just wander around the area, checking out all the plants and animals

The fennec foxes are so adorable

Oh shit some mint and sweet flower, finally

Oh hell yeah a sunsettia, u got food now 💪

U hold onto some of it to sell (including a low violet grass hell yeah)

Crunchin and munchin ur way thru Liyue now, it isnt until u find a particularly wooded area that u hear ur first sign of human life

...

Stand corrected,

Unlife...?

A soft hum, almost a lullaby, comes from Qiqi as she picks up other flowers youve never seen before (ooo new liyue plants)

Should u just leave? She seems busy and u dont wanna distract her bc she might forget to go back to her task..

Wait a minute.

On the other hand,

Now you can finally achieve one of your many goals in Genshin that you couldn't as a player.

Help Qiqi collect herbs and guide her back,

And scold Baizhu. >:)

.

(whats he gonna do?? call the milieth on you??? for some rude person who doesnt like the way he makes a child wander off, who has memory issues and cant find her way back??? thats what you thought)

.

Approaching the tiny zombie girl, you purposely step on a branch to let her know ur there

...she doesn't even flinch, instead she vvveerrryy slooowwwlllyyy lifts her head up from her bent position

Her big doe eyes 🥺

They dont look empty, or dead just kinda dreamy

She tilts her head, the adepti paper covering an eye

Qiqi: "...do I know you? ..you feel... familiar..."

Oh this is crazy, she sounds exactly like in game, but instead of in a screen, her voice is in front of you

You respond "Oh I don't think so?" You introduce yourself,

"Are you alone out here? The sun is setting..."

It didnt strike you until now, but the zombie girl is so... so... tiny

OMGGGG😫💘

I mean, you knew the kids were small, but not 5-6 year old small!!!

Qiqi stands, and you see her holding a basket in the crook of her other arm, full of greenery

(some u recognize like violet grass, horsetails, but others are completely new, wow u gotta wander around Liyue after u find somewhere to sleep tonight to check out how much more fleshed out it is irl...)

The little cryo user is the picture perfect image of sweetness 💝✨️

The paper falls to the side, and both of her gentle pink eyes look up at you (💔)

Qiqi answers slowly, "...I messed up my routine, I forgot to get herbs this morning...so I couldn't make the medicine for today... I'm getting them now instead.."

She turns to the right, then left, and blinks a few times (💔💔💔)

She kinda looks like she forgot the way back,, you figure you might as well ask

"Do you want help getting back to town? The pharmacy right?"

Qiqi looks back at you, and nods, "Okay...thank you..."

And

And!!

She takes YOUR HANNNDDDD 😫😫😫💔💔💔

Her small fingers are cold, and they wrap around only two of your fingers

SOBBING

Trying to hold the squeal inside urself, you turn and begin to walk off together, following the path around Mt. Tianheng into town

♤

HELL YEAH QIQI TIME LETS GOOO

After hearing about your homeless situation, Qiqi and Baizhu offer the guest room for the night, also partially as a thank you for helping Qiqi (thank fuck theyre that nice)

After talking on the way over,

Turns out that Baizhu lives just out of town of Liyue, (not found in the game, was is it with not showing characters houses...) that way he has some greenery around his house, and has a garden out back :D 🌱

Baizhu just gets this strange familiar feeling from you (it almost reminds him of,, seeing a regular customer that has been to see him hundreds of times...) that convinces him to offer you a job at the pharmacy, in exchange for living in the guest room for awhile ! ! WOO

MISSION 1:

FIND SOMEWHERE TO SLEEP + GET A JOB, COMPLETED

♧

Now MISSION 2:

GET MONEY, GET FOOD, SCOLD BAIZHU, LOVE QIQI

Literally on the first day out ur like,, Baizhu.

My boss, my friend, my buddy, my homie, my guyyyyy

U gotta let me go with Qiqi from now on, she will literally get lost hoe. 😐

Tapping ur foot at him and everything,

He's a little intimidated tbh bc ur so upfront about it, and agrees

U lowkey shame his parenting (and he actually feels quilty wow)

WITHIN THE FIRST COUPLE DAYS SHE ALSO SAID THIS!!

"Since we first met, I have had a warm feeling inside. Not the kind of warmth that makes me feel rotten. The other kind of warm. The one that happens inside my heart. Thank you. I am happy. Sadly I only recognize the current you. If I forget you... No. I will order myself to remember you."

AHHHHHHHH PERFECT CHILD <333

(Once again, if u read my Razor post, another person who can't quite articulate what you are as the Creator, but just has a feeling about you that ur cozy and safe :')

◇

SO QIQI CANONICALLY HAS A NOTEBOOK ALREADY!!

(U help her press flowers in it to both leave inside as a pleasent surprise when she forgets about them, and attach some to the front 💖)

And SHE HAS A SCHEDULE.

In the morning, she goes herb picking, then makes medicine, and then does stretches at the end of the day before bed

(At least im pretty sure thats it, it was like 3 things so she could remember easily)

ON LIKE,, THE FIRST FEW DAYS WITH HER, SHE STARTS TO FOLLOW U AROUND MORE AND MORE LIKE A LITTLE DUCKLING

And she even says "...I started memory training exercises recently. So don't worry, I won't forget who you are." 🥲💘

◇

Qiqi seemed excited to tell u all the plants u dont recognize and what they do in medicine,

U mostly think that bc she walked and talked a little faster,

her emotions arent super obvious bc apparently her facial muscles arent super flexible... :/

(she later on after she trusts you more, will sometimes let u rub her little cheeks and massage her face to let her have more range, she looks like a content kitten those times 😭😭)

But when ur not out and about Liyue's nature with Qiqi,

U do little odd jobs around Liyue, like dog walking, delivering peoples' medicine, and u even registered w/the Adventurer's Guild so u could take on small commissions :D

U used ur money to buy ingredients to cook food for urself and the household (bc Baizhu cant make anything besides soup and tea apparantly srsly how is this man alive)

And thru a series of trial and error (and consulting Xiangling..)

U made coconut milk!!! ✨️🥥🥛

Qiqi loved. It. Every. Time.

She's not tall enough to reach the kitchen counters w/o a stool, but she can peek her little head over it and put her fingers on the edge, which she does everytime u make it 😫😫🥺🥺

She has a 6th sense for everytime u make it, no matter where she is in the house/nearby lol

It was also one of the things she wrote down in her notebook that she didnt wanna forget LMAO

Next to a reminder that she knows you + other facts abt u, is "can make coconut milk"

You can bribe her with it too lol

QIQI BEST KITCHEN HELPER

Shes already Baizhu's assistant, so she is great at cutting, chopping, and prepping ingredients

She insists on helping u everytime, she'll even delay her morning routine for u to make breakfast <3

(U also make sure to remind her to eat and hydrate consistently, bc thatd be hard af to keep track of w/ memory issues, i would know 💀)

◇

U also used ur money to buy clothes for urself and her!! <3

Also apparently u still have access to the character menu? And ur inventory?? And quests???

U CAN UPGRADE QIQI

(YESS YESSS- MAKE HER THE STRONGEST CHILD IN THE WORLD, GODLIKE STRENGTH THE IMMORTAL UNDYING QIQI AGENDA HAHAHAHA)

(Her outfits show up in her outfit screen!! theres just kinda a hologram button hovering over her chest at all times..)

She seems rlly fond of upgrading her, her weapon, and artifacts bc she likes to be a stronk 💪girl to protect ppl she loves aw <3

(SHE SAID SHE WAS HAPPY TO BE ABLE TO PROTECT U BETTER THE FIRST TIME U ASCENDED HERRRR 😭💘

She also likes to help u out with commissions too, it brings her some variety in her day that shes become fond of!!

(Shes also become fond of you and all the exciting things ur doing)

AND

Ur quests menu is rlly helpful for you but also her!! U just gently reroute her or remind her everytime she needs it :)

(she has slowly gone from asking you what she forgot/what she was supposed to be doing, to just... LOOKING UP AT YOUUUUU FOR THE ANSWERRRR W/O SAYING ANYTHINGGGGG 💔💔💔💔💔💔)

◇

Bc u got jackshit all else to do in ur freetime, other than exploring, u started picking up some hobbies thatll benefit the both of you!

U bought some fabric and whatnot to make Qiqi a backpack!! So she doesnt have to carry around the herb basket anymore

(the ones being sold were too expensive, and werent quite right for her anyway, but u did stab urself enough times that Baizhu gave u bandages..)

You give it to her on her birthday!! (she also remembered yours!! She gave u herbal medicine and a necklace of gemstones she handmade like noctilous jade and cor lapis cries)

It has lots of pockets, bc Qiqi also likes to get interesting rocks or non-medicinal flowers to give you while yall are outside <3

She loves the backpack, u saw her make the

♡tiniest♡

Smile ever, which made it even cuter to see

(She also just, held it to her chest the whole day 😭)

◇

ALSO BC SHE STRIKES ME AS A SLOW BURN TYPE OF PERSON TO LOVE SOMEONE (idk if u get that feeling but thats what it seems like to me esp with her memory needing time to remember a new person, she apparently canonically cant always remember Baizhu's face??)

SO A RANDOM DAY AFTER ABOUT A MONTH AND A HALF, YALL WERE ABOUT TO GO HERB PICKING AGAIN AS USUAL,

WHEN SHE TOOK UR SLEEVE AND JUST,, STAYED THERE THE WHOLE TIME,,

EVEN WHEN SHE WAS HERB PICKING-

🫂🫂🫂

Was that your soul leaving your body? Maybe 🤷‍♂️

But when yall r in a crowd of Liyueans and tourists, she straight up latches onto ur hand like a vice grip

She WILL NOT lose you, and ur holding back just as hard, you WILL NOT lose ur amnesiac child!!!

She likes to come into town with u when u go bc while shes not a fan of crowds, she can deal with them a lot better when ur there 🥺

Plus she wants to be able to look out for you!!

SUCH A SWEETHEARTTT

When u asked why she didnt like crowds the first time yall went SHE SAID

"Some people want to take advantage of me. Others are terrified of me. But you... You are not like any of those people."

QIIIIQQQIIIIIII MY BELOVEDDDD CHILDDDD 🥲🥲🥲😭😭😭😭

(ALL OF THESE ARE CANON VOICELINES BTW EXCEPT FOR YALLS FIRST MEETING AT THE TOP!!!)

♡

Ok so she was already pretty strong before you, but now esp since u started upgrading her-

Qiqi is hella strong and has great stamina

U saw this in action in real time when Hu Tao was strolling down the path near where yall were herb picking off to the side

Hu Tao and Qiqi like... locked eyes-

U were looking down at plants but noticed Qiqi not moving, and looked up to see the most intense staring contest ever LMAO

AND LIKE SOME KIND OF LIKE BIRD OR SQURRIEL WHEN THEY LIKE FREEZE AND THEN BOLT WHEN U ARENT EXPECTING IT THEY ARE OFF LMFAO

QIQI IS RUNNING FOR THE HILLS, ITS LITERALLY INSANE TO WATCH HER BE SO FAST AHSHAKKALDFH

HU TAO IS ALSO FAST BUT LIKE THERES STILL A GOOD AMOUNT OF DISTANCE BETWEEN THEM-

AS U FINALLY GET OVER THE SHOCK, U RUN AFTER THEM LOL

THEY QUICKLY OUT PACE UR SLOW ASS AND UR HUNCHED OVER DYING AND JUST BEFORE THEY GET OUT OF RANGE U HEAR-

"YOU HAVE TO LET ME PUT YOU TO REST, DON'T WORRY YOU'LL LIKE IT DOWN THERE THE DIRT IS NICE AND COLD!!"

AND AN INDIGNANT "No!"

LMAO HU TAO GIVES UP 2 HOURS LATER, AND QIQI WAS LITERALLY RUNNING AND CLIMBING THE WHOLE TIME LMFAO

◇

SO IDK IF YALL SEEN IT BUT THERES A TRAILER OUT ABOUT XIAO i think??

AND AT ONE POINT QIQI CANONICALLY SAYS SHE CARRIED HIM WHEN HE WAS PASSED OUT BACK TO THE PHARMACY 💀

U WERE THERE WHEN YALL FOUND XIAO

it was kinda shocking to finally have ran into him (bc u figured there was no way he would come down to see some rando human, even if u had almond tofu)

AND HE'S PASSED OUT??!!?!?!

Top ten most disturbing images: Xiao face first on the ground, out of it

And while ur like panicking "omfg how tf am i gonna carry this mf all the way back to the pharmacy, omg what happened, oh jesus this is insane its literally XIAO and he's PASSED OUT-"

Qiqi in the background like, "hup"

And just arranges him in a piggyback carry, his legs and arms sticking straight out in front of her, his ass almost touching the GROUNNNDDD😭😭😭

You: *shocked pikachu face meme LMAOOO

◇

I LOVE THAT THIS IS CANON OHMYGODTHIS MIGHT BETHE FUNNIEST SHIT OUT OF GENSHIN LORE/STORY YET

♤

Bonus: Zhongli has been going in-fucking-sane trying to locate where u are lol, Hu Tao literally made him take a few days off bc he was pacing around the harbor so much 😭

He always seems to get to where you are, just as you leave the area (apparently Qiqi's deathlike presence throws off ur very full of life one)

Literally as soon as you landed (woke up?) On Liyue soil, he was hyper aware of you

The other adepti are searching the rest of Liyue just in case ur someone where else

Lol wonder how long it took him to realize u were just workin at Bubu Pharmacy LMAO

Tell me what to write! :) ♡

Reminder: A 100+ Followers celebration POLL!!

HOLY FUCK!!

OML

OMFG

SATAN ON A STICK-

THIS IS SO LONG 😭????? WHAT HAPPENED

THIS THING AS LONG AS A FALL INTO THE ABYSS

HELL-

WHAT THE FUCK

WELL NOW I KNOW WHY IT TOOK ME SO DAMN LONG TO POST ANYTHING FOR A FEW DAYS BC THIS IS A FREAK OF NATURE

I ALREADY MADE THE LAST ONE TOO LONG AND NOW HERE WE ARE CRYING

I hope u enjoyed this fucking monster anon sob-

oh my god im actually shocked you guys, i just scrolled up and down this thing-

I can't even like, flick it once and let it scroll really fast and reach the top u know what i mean?? 😟😰🙂🙃🥲

I just,, i had so many ideas, and as i typed and tried to get them all down i-

uh,, aNyWaY,,, enjoy yalls week guys...😟😃 distantsobbing

Cheers,

🌒🌊🌧Aquarius♒️🌌🌘

♡ the beloveds ♡

@karmawonders / @0rah-s / @randomnatics / @glxssynarvi / @nexylaza

[corrodedbisexual]

15 questions, 15 people

Rules: answer the questions & tag 15 people

@josephfakingquinn Thanks for tagging babe :) @sea-heaux thanks for tagging me as well! ^^

@sidekick-hero hellooo also thanks for tagging me! already done this game ^^

@flowercrowngods muah 💋 (i had a mild deja vu reading the questions and realized I did this one a while back)

1. Are you named after anyone?

Not really, mom just picked a name she liked.

2. When was the last time you cried?

Um. 3 weeks ago maybe.

3. Do you have kids?

Nope, never wanted to, don't think I'll ever want to tbh. (Have I finally earned the right to say that at 33 y.o. without society going "oh you just wait, you will want kids when you grow up" or do I need to wait for my ovaries to die completely?)

4. Do you use sarcasm a lot?

Nope. What is sarcasm? Never heard of it.

5. What the first thing you notice about people?

Uh. Their face?

6. What's your eye color?

Proud owner of chocolate button eyes. Joseph's are still prettier though.

7. Scary movies or happy endings?

Both? :) Also, people in scary movies don't get happy endings, which is why I like survival horror games like The Quarry and The Dark Pictures Anthology series where you try to keep everyone alive for the best ending :)

8. Any special talents?

Dunno about special. I'm good at research, analysis and planning and keeping track of a thousand little to-dos. Gimme a task and I'll get it done and won't forget a thing bc you bet I'm obsessively documenting every detail. Gosh, that sounded boring, like I'm in a job interview or something. But it's a handy life skill too, like I'm always the one trusted in making google sheets with all the info and travel plans with friends.

9. Where were you born?

Tychy, southern Poland. Closest widely recognizable city would probably be Kraków.

10. What are your hobbies?

Gaming, reading fics & books, occasionally writing, obsessing over my blorbos on tumblr. Picked up playing the ukulele lately as well.

11. Do you have any pets?

These two bitches. Light of my life

12. What sports do you play/have played?

Used to run, injured my foot, now I'm a professional couch potato.

13. How tall are you?

166 / 5′ 5″

14. Favorite subject in school?

That shit was like 18 years ago. Jesus. I think I liked English and Algebra.

15. Dream job?

Joseph Quinn's personal masseuse ahem. Given what I've mentioned before on talents, I guess personal travel planner would be cool. Someday, maybe.

~~~

No pressure but let's goooo I wanna know stuff about you people @witchy-munson @eddieslostsheep @bringingclawstoagunfight @utterlyinsanity @the-munson-doctrine @arialerendeair @nycorix @hellfirelady @absdax @die-lerche @georg-prime @chordofcrimson @chaoticgood-munson @eddiemunsonwillbethedeathofme @thesolarangel

[awellboiledicicle]

I like the idea of Fido and Astarion being besties while Gale thinks something is going on over there entirely bc because it would only survive act 1 in that state

Largely because Fido is sitting with Astarion while he drinks from their arm like "how do you tell someone you'd fuck them if they wouldn't explode" and he just. smacks their shoulder bc he's trying to eat not laugh. Has to deal with Fido making very obvious puppy eyes at Gale whenever he cooks something and is proud of it. Has been tasked with sleight of hand obtaining herbs and spices specifically so Gale will have things to season with and be happy. Which Astarion does with little complaint because it smells better than flavorless gruel to be around.

Gale meanwhile is down bad for Fido, but is 90% sure his orb is going to kill mmm everyone so he's being reserved. It's not helped when he's teaching them things and they're telling him about Earth things. After the weave scene he's just emotionally pining because they obviously can't DO anything without risk and then they're talking to Astarion and letting him feed on them and-- its a thing.

When Elminster shows up hes thrilled because Earth Knowings and his old friend might be able to explain some things and-- oh. oh that's. that's something.

Fido absolutely is against killing yourself for forgiveness. They don't even want Elminster there for cheese time to explain earth stuff. They don't want to know anymore. He can gtfo their camp. Go, leave, scamper. Gale manages to talk them into letting him stay to speak about the portal and pact thing, while he himself goes to have a think in his tent. The convo is exceptionally chilly, but informative. Largely that they could, in theory, leave right then. Elminster goes to fucking yellowstone as a vacation on the reg, so he could totally pop them home. But, you know, tadpole. The pact is trickier, because they literally don't know the terms. If the pact and coming over were connected, then leaving could have dire consequences.

That said once Elminster is gone and they have a chance to talk, Fido is just. "No, you're not blowing yourself up. You're going to live. You're going to live so you can introduce me to your weird flying cat and show me your weird magic tower and let me read your poetry." "She's not weird." "I won't know until i meet her, will i? Now, there are many ways to destroy things aside killing yourself. We could make a bomb not made of you and go from there. Or, or, whatever we find at moonrise! Maybe if we just kill the leadership it falls apart--" "It's alright." "No, no it's not! You won't die, i won't let you. I decided." "I think i'm allowed to decide this for myself." "But you didn't! You didn't get into the heat of battle and see a tragic but necessary option to end the world devouring whateverthefuck! Your shitheel ex with a literal god complex decided to play fuckfuck with your life once again!" "Don't speak about Mys--" "I'll say whatever i damn well please about Mystra!" "She is a goddess--" "And a shit one at that! If she wanted to interfere so bad, she could give you a boon! A magic fuck'em'up staff or something! But no, her solution to the problem is 'let me blow up my mortal plaything'!" "She does not," his eyes were hard now, almost angry. "Think of me as a plaything. The gods cannot interfere directly and i've already got the orb. She gifted me control--" "She gifted you a way to kill yourself." "For the greater good." "Fuck the greater good! And don't give me that look, i can be selfish too! I don't want you to die, so you're not going to. I care too damn much about you to let you blow yourself to smitherines! We'll find another way, even if it means i have to personally fight through every mindflayer and cultist with my bare fucking hands. And you will see that you don't deserve to die, or so help me god i will tear the very heavens asunder to wring Mystra's neck myself!" "You can't say things like--" "Watch me! If they care so damn much about what's said of them, they can strike me down! But they won't because they can't interfere-- but apparently telling one of the greatest men in the world to kill himself doesn't count! Fuck that! Fuck it!" They strode forward and grabbed the front of his robe, balling it in their fists as they glared into his eyes and nearly snarled. "You can worry about Mystra, i'll worry about keeping you and everyone else alive. You will survive this, you will live, and you will thrive--whether i have to drag you kicking and screaming through to the other side. Do you understand me?" A beat of silence while they searched each others faces for something the other couldn't quite determine. Finally, Gale's posture crumpled and they let go of his robe. He rubbed at his face briskly before regarding them with a touch of bewilderment in the face of their fury. "I understand." They nodded, until he held up a finger. "But, it remains an option-- if we must take it." The whole camp could see their jaw working as they grit their teeth. "Fine, as the last nuclear option. But only then." "Only then."

[tittyinfinity]

Ok this is kind of a personal post but I'm putting it here in case anyone else relates

ADHD/autism related

Kinda long

Things that should have pushed me to get autism & adhd diagnoses a lot sooner:

Multiple stims throughout my whole life, but I've held onto one specific stim since childhood which is tapping things in a very specific pattern

Every social interaction is like a test that I have to "study" for – practicing every interaction in my head, thinking of all the possible things they could say and how I should respond without looking weird; closely paying attention to a person's each movement and tone of voice change in order to figure out which script to switch to; mirroring people because I don't know which social cues are acceptable to which people

Weird kid of every friend group that people only pretended to like because sometimes I was funny – always hearing that people are talking behind my back, boys making fun of me to my face while admitting to having a crush on me but not pursuing it because their friends would make fun of them

Embracing being ~*rAnDoM!!*~ as a preteen and doing things like yelling nonsense in the hallways with my other (now also diagnosed autistic) friend and wearing things that specifically pissed the other kids off

Oh so everyone else doesn't feel existential dread whenever they have to do one task? You're telling me people can have the motivation to complete a task before the very last minute when it's an immediate threat??

I'm really good at paying attention in class! All I need are my color coded pens of different thicknesses and my multiple colors of highlighters so that I can picture it in my mind (holy SHIT I had like 10-15 writing utensils on me at all times)

Wow I'm so so smart and at the top of my class!! ......oh I was just really good at standardized testing. Oh. Wow. I'm not smart outside of school. Shit.

HOW do people not feel emotion SO INTENSELY I just don't understand how people can just be OKAY WITH THINGS

"They overreact every time they get upset" "they're a crybaby" "it's not that big of a deal" yeah those were actually full on meltdowns! Yeah maybe it wasn't normal for me to be screaming and groveling over "minor" things!

I am walking out of this job right now because all of the noises and sounds are Too Much and I am having a panic attack at my desk. This must be because of the panic attack disorder I was diagnosed with

I can FEEL noises. Why can I feel them. Especially mouth noises. I grew up I a family with vocal/tongue/throat stims and I've had to wear headphones or put my head under a pillow bc while they can't help it, I also can't help that I have a physical response to it and it makes me want to explode. Repetitive noises and certain tones also drive me INSANE

No matter what you are not going to make me eat certain textures

Can't wear a bra or normal underwear without being aware of it all day bc it's all I can feel

Okay I'm going to start this task now. I mean now. Okay now. How about at 3. Oh it's 3:02, how about 3:30. Okay 4.

I am SO OBSESSED with this one thing that my entire life is going to revolve around it until it wears off for the next thing

Why do I feel like I'm so much further behind all the other adults at my age??? How have I not figured it out yet???

"The kid who asks too many questions" (especially at church)

I'm not going to follow this rule if it's not logical to do so

Having to fake a smile and engage in small talk with someone I don't know well makes me physically angry. Like not just annoyed. I want to explode and I want everything to explode with me

On that note: customer service jobs are worse than hell

I got so distracted with what I was doing that I've been doing the wrong thing this whole time

How many times can a person walk into one of their old classrooms and sit there before realizing they're not in that grade anymore

I've been talking to this person for an hour and just realized that I know them

I introduced myself to this person and they said we have met many times before

I can vividly remember every time I've missed a social cue and keep it stored in my brain so I can reference it for future situations. Also thinking about it makes me want to die

The same song/phrase has been on a loop in my head for a week straight now

Not everyone thinks in patterns and numbers specifically??

Nobody Fucking Tell Me What To Do

I very much also need people to tell me what to do because I fucking forget

(This stresses me out very much)

Idk if this has anything to do with it, but drugs affect me differently than others. My pain medication makes me energized and focused while making others drowsy. I can function and focus better after smoking weed. The only thing that fucks me up is alcohol, but anything else I've ever tried has made me feel more "normal" while everyone else around me is having a great time (I won't touch hard drugs because of this – I'd get addicted to meth or heroin extremely easily)

Apparently hypermobility can be an adhd thing? I got the record for the sit-and-reach test at all my schools and have always been able to touch the ground flat handed without bending my legs or stretching. I can also put my legs behind my head.

If I go through a major life or routine change I am fucking useless and mentally strained until I adapt to it

Me and my cats are Same

Half of my day is spent looking for objects I've misplaced

Well I'm on this website and that's a symptom too

[inconsideratekidney]

11/12/24

hey y'all,

how is it hanging? it's hanging well for me. as of rn.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

so many eyes in this world. so many always looking. to think of the psychology of your eyes, they are your information recruits. being a sighted person, you are constantly searching for clues and pieces in your visual field to put together this crazy puzzle we call life. mine seem to work in overdrive and all the time. i am sick of using my eyes. i'd like to take a damn break every so often, but they are always picking up every single aspect of my environment and i can't get them to stop or the bugs yell at me.

if i am comfortable in my environment, i've noticed it calms down, but that can take a while or the right people or environment. it's either the adhd or anxiety or something that makes me act up when there are a lot of people around and it makes me feel like i have to survey the room and take everything in. it's a habit that ruins my way of existing on a populated campus. i love when places aren't full and busy, when i can sit down in a coffee shop almost alone or when there's no one in the bathroom.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

i dont wanna be done with college. i feel like since i'm considering not pursuing my second major anymore, i could have one less year here :( its so funny that all through high school i couldn't wait for it to be over as well. in the process i want to be done with something, but i enjoy the routine. while school is so difficult, i love having roommates and friends right next door. it's crazy to think how much i've taken all of this for granted. i do take notice of everything and i appreciate everything, but now that i'm nearing the end of my 2.5 years here, its kinda wild to think that i only have 1.5 years left. all of a sudden i'm feeling so nostalgic, but just like they did in inside out 2, we gotta push that shit down for now. it's not time yet!!!! oy va voy.

next semester i might get a car and wont have these terribly frigid walks home anymore or complain of the bus system. that is, if i pay for campus parking. i won't have to borrow anyone's car anymore or feel nervy every time i drive because it's the first time i've driven in over a week. it would be kinda nice.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

every time something pops up up my brain, i think about it and it changes my track of focus. normal right? i forget what i was thinking about. consequently, i often forget things later on bc i lost them before even writing them down. this happens all the time and it's pretty typical for me. but what i never understand is that looming fear that i'm always forgetting something like super important. like what if i was supposed to be pursuing some hobby or mindset and i totally forgot about it. i have so many worried thoughts like this that wrack my brain. it's different than the usual "oh i forgot my headphones at home," it's more like "wait, i wanted to be more positive," "i wanted to stop cracking my knuckles," "where did that motivation go that i had an hour ago? i swear i'm into this task i'm doing aren't i?" "when did i say i wanted to finish this by? okay and then i have to really focus on something else, but i wanted to try to hyperfocus on this? no, it was the other thing...what other thing? wait, no. i thought i remembered...i can't tell if it was important or not, it sure feels important. i won't know until something big changes and i'm not ready...oh well." that kind of fear. the kind that i have no idea how to distinguish between losing something physical or leaving something behind at home.

i hate when people say to imagine yourself in a field, or hide your intrusive thoughts or thoughts you don't need to deal with in this vault, that cannot be broken, behind this painting on this wall. like, no i cannot i'm sorry. my brain knows there's no vault, no field. how will my thoughts stay in there? no they won't. i am certain that they will roam free and forget that they were supposed to "be in a box" hell i can't even remember what intrusive thoughts are until they recur constantly and affect me later on anyway, so how could i put them aside now? once they affect me they literally take control of me and i literally cannot get my brain to change its course so i just embrace it. i've had a lot of experience trying to embrace every thought that comes into my mind. i'm curious what other people think on this tbh, but for the most part i truly believe i should own every thought i have. when i have uncomfortable or intrusive thoughts, that's typically when i look up how to get rid of them and people are like, "it's normal, you don't have to acknowledge every thought that passes through your mind." and i'm like, yes. yes, i do. i wish i didn't, but when i ignore them they rise up and eat me alive. so, yeah -_-

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

honestly i need to go to sleep, it's too late. i keep going to sleep at 1am and i never used to do that. the existential crises need to stop. i'm losing sleep and fucking up my times i go to sleep. i'm also fucking losing my mind every day from homework and a lack of free will. why can't i get a degree without doing any work, hmmmmmmm?? it's no fair. i want two degrees, but i barely can make enough effort for one. honestly, my whole major is questionable rn. idek why i'm doing what i'm doing. it's all unintelligible gibberish and sillyness in my brain. it's also the headaches that have really been pushing me over the edge lately. i think i'm going to go to sleep now, i'm doing it again. i've been pushing 2am recently, ugh.

goodnight, love y'all,

kD x(

[decaysol]

We had satay and it was too much, so we fed them to the stray dogs and my fav baby female stray recognized me and I gave it pats uwu

Today's insanity is me being ungrounded and trying to catch myself thinking weird shit instead of dealing with my life and life situations as hands on tasks. Why tf is nobody hiring me yet. I have been asking too much spiritual questions I haven't been asking enough questions about real life to figure shit out lol. Back then I felt like what's the point bc I'd be suffering at work anyways so I broke down mentally and gave up on life. Three years later now with awakenings and gods and more friends I do feel better but I'm still kind of a fucktard tbh. I don't know how others stay motivated. I don't have enough survival instinct to feel and think about it bc I spend all day thinking about other things and scrolling instead of looking at my life. Oh well! Such is life in the 2024! Weird perspectives from the internet fucked me up when life was more simple than that! Wtf!

Technically I don't need to think about how to make things make sense as long as I do am looking at what's happening and doing what's needed. Because what's the fuck is there with things not based off reality? Why did my tasks blend together? I hadn't been keeping it simple with my presence since I always have some weird preoccupation in my brain instead of focusing on reality and getting things done! Wow amazing. Honestly I barely remember how to put things aside and sleep as I need to sleep like make sure I can sleep well because I planned how to sleep and the reasons and parameters on how to get good sleep like it's supposed to be a task shaped like itself with it's own focus and goals. Why did I lose that? What the hell! Every task and activity needs context in it's plan! That's how people do and learn things! My brain merged everything together to feel whole and it was feels good but also too much feelings for the monotasker way things need to be done well... Like how to make a environment for a good focused drawing session etc. etc. get it Mr brain One task at a time please.

[the-mortifying-ordeal-of]

there were signs

my mom talking about my super successful younger cousin who got a prestigious, highly selective internship; my mom knows a few people who work at the org who she was considering introducing to my cousin, minus "a butch lesbian thats a friend of a friend - I don't want to freak your cousin out."

my cat intermittently refusing to eat or drink water, scaring the absolute shit out of me and requiring four vet visits. she's stabilized but they have no idea what was wrong or why she's better now.

the fucking money. The $900 car repair, the $850 vet bill, the hundreds of dollars I've spent on my BFF's birthday surprises and I still need to buy the food, the $600 cruise deposit and looming lodging and airfare, the two back-to-back road trips and all the merch, the $300 music festival ticket just to realize the two main groups I wanted to see are scheduled to play at the same time, all the food for all the potluck events. All this pressure to have fun, say yes, see everyone, pay my share even if I can't afford it.

I've told her so many times that she makes like, double what I do, and yet we split everything 50/50. I can't afford the dates, I can't do all the trips, I can't keep up with the moral imperative to be fair when she reeks with privilege and I'm drowning. She's got a fucking house and a car that works and her graduate degree is nearly paid off and I'm sure she's got hella savings bc her younger sister casually mentioned having $30k in savings and oh my god I don't belong here.

She's just so happy and confident and integrated. She freely shares about her life, feels no shame or embarrassment, takes risks and shares her heart and can think clearly and critically and she's responsible and dependable at work and has so many friendships and she experiences such ease in spontaneous interaction and and and and

I had another wave of feeling trapped. Of realizing there's no way out without a messy breakup. This is officially a relationship and I don't want to do this. I don't want to come out and be a partner and be in this fucking dance of romance and sexuality and shame that almost killed me. I didn't even have time to breathe. I broke up with him, I moved, my dad died, and then she stuck her hand down my pants. I can't even write that without starting to cry. The sex is interesting and the affection is nice but I cannot hang. I cannot and really don't want to.

So there were signs I was fraying. A week ago I had come over to her house toward the end of her workday. I kept quiet but she texted me to come say hi to her friend. I don't like being told what to do, and I didn't want to, so I ignored the text. She came upstairs shortly after and told me I'd ~missed my opportunity. But then today I come over, same situation but a different friend: she texts me to come say hi. I ignore it. But a few minutes later she actually calls my name from downstairs and I think she needs something, so I go down to peek in her office. She's still on the video call with the friend and she cheerily commands "come say hi!" and I immediately feel like a sullen teenager who doesn't know how to act right, has to be told to be nice and not embarrass myself/the family. I couldn't help myself and told her I didn't like being treated like she was my mom, but then I turned On and was charming for the friend - the coworker who knew we were together before I apparently even did, who she talks to about our sex life, who knows more about me and my life than several of my friends and family. The friend asked to hang out sometime and I asked Her to schedule it, and she goes "Oh so I can't act like your mom but you can treat me like a secretary?" and I know she's teasing and is just excited we're together and she wants to integrate me with her people, like she's flawlessly integrated with mine, but I'm all hissing feral awkward isolated rage.

Afterward we were supposed to do lawn work? But literally the only tasks are mowing and cleaning the AC unit so I either have to mow or learn a new thing. I choose the new thing, even though I think she could have done it in the time it took her to teach me. I'm hot and frustrated and jumpy because her lawn has snakes and I'm in a muddy dark nook under her patio and my hands are getting filthy and I can't tell what's cotton vs spiderweb and the metal is tearing up my hands and leaving splinters and I'm frustrated and the dogs are barking and I'm not getting it clean enough but this is a nothing task to her. I finally get to the hosing stage, I feel rushed so she doesn't finish the entire front lawn and realize I can't handle a simple task. When it comes time to reattach the panels I can't get them to fit and then I drop a screw in some muddy rocks under the patio and I get so worked up that I literally start grumbling out loud that she'd actually had a dad growing up that taught her practical skills, and I knew I'd totally disintegrated when I threw a small fit and told her dogs, out loud, that I was both a useless butch and useless femme.

So the pity party was in full swing, I found the screw, replaced the panels, put the hose away, washed up to my forearms, grabbed my shit, and left.

Thought about all sorts of shit on the way home, the usual. But not really since I started the med! But wanting to die, feeling broken, wanting to binge but scared of both the money and calories, wanting to drink but scared of both the money and calories, came home and ate salted edamame and took Benadryl while watching kpop content. Now I'm here and I'm drained and disappointed and I'm too frail and squeamish to donate plasma but too disabled to get a better paying job or work more hours and rent goes up $100 this month and I just. I want out of this fucking relationship. It's too much pressure. She wants romance and sex and adventure and I have no money and all the trauma. I want out of here but I don't want to lose my best friend. Ugh.

[theskyexists]

Sad that theyre now milking the premise: ana is too competitive and literally an idiot for it

Also somehow the dude who doesn't know anything about babies and left the woman he promised to be with forever when an abortion was no longer an option gets to....? Be in the right? 'He's her dad! He gets to do whatever with her!' uh ......... No? He only got to see her bc Mariana wanted the best for Regina and hes so incredibly fucking dumb

It's getting old that Ana is always fucking wrong. Doesn't anybody else get to be wrong sometimes

And now it turns out that Mariana's dad was actually perfectly fine or something it was her mum who decided to keep him out or whatever

Come on....

Are we going to make the endless point that having a career as a woman and also having fun and having a husband and family is simply completely impossible. Jezus Christ.

I thought this was gonna be a pretty feminist show with interesting choices so far but now im like.... Come on

This is getting in the area of: this is too embarrassing.

God. The woman in a man's world shit. I've never seen Ana be actually good at her job. Can we please have Ana do some actual work.

Has anybody looked at that baby in the past hour.

Mariana had the cutest girlfriend who was willing to go all out who supported her when she was pregnant and giving birth and etc etc. and told her she's not alone yet she didn't want to call her a girlfriend. Elena get the HELL OUT LOLOLOL

So you hooked up with your best friend??? And then you were like: eh let's just be friends? Mariana what the FUCK. And then comes crying back for her friend. Ok well. Maybe just, don't date your lesbian friend and be completely unserious maybe.

'i came to realise he'd a good dad' IS HE THOUGH????? IS HE??? COS HE GAVE UP THE WIN ONCE? just because his intentions are good don't make him a good dad.

Huh??? So Ana just took the loss???? Shes not upset about missing the presentation????

Why the fuck didn't Mariana take him to task for breaking his fucking promise again. God he's so fucking dumb. I have no patience for that shit. He broke trust at least four times and horrifically. And yet you'll let him take your kid with him??? Come ON

All I want from this goddamn show is for them to show me Ana beating the fucking competition

Ana's work continues to be: standing around a room looking devastatingly attractive

I don't care about Pablo I don't care about Elena or ceci or the babies ALL I CARE ABOUT IS ANA WINNING. I care a little bit about Tere and Juan Carlos

He shouldn't care if she's just a throwaway woman. Or maybe he cares because it was fucking shitty

Ok so Ana just WON. THANK GOD.

Het ex gf is the front woman of a band???? Jezus Christ Mariana what are you DOING

Oh my god. The sexism at the table is insane. Oh my god. FUCK YEAH somehow it's like Ana won anyway

And fuck yeah! Somebody finally fucking told Mariana that wasn't cool. Girl didn't have to be so mean about it though I guess

Seriously, spying on the girls? Mariana come on....I mean I thought she might play it off as dropping her thing or whatever.

Oh ok. I wouldn't go so far as to equate being called a fake lesbian the same as sitting at a table full of sexist fucking colleagues

Well it's good Mariana got a wake-up call that she needed to be a littleeeee kinder to Elena

It's crazy that she's only 22

They're definitely hiding how ana and Mariana are growing closer and closer very naturally

Ana winning at work!!! Politics!!!!

How in the hell is Ana's mother like ten years older than her at most

If I didn't know that Ana and Mariana end up in a relationship somehow in some way for some time I don't think... I would even catch it? No I would. I mean the salsa dancing is really a step too far. No wait, it isnt. It REMAINS SO SUBTLE. that ana will take instruction from Mariana and NO ONE ELSE. BUT subtle bc no camera angles no nothing that suggest anything. And the narrative is so sincere in cheering on Juan Carlos and Ana

Ana....why r u an idiot

He's like: I love you! And she's like: I've moved on. She should maybe repeat that and say: you LEFT ME PREGNANT AFTER SAYING YOU WANTED TO BE TOGETHER FOREVER.

Ok Mariana is such a fucking idiot. What the fuckkkkk. Poor Pablo oh my GOD. WHAT!!!

Rodrigo said: hey I'll do your homework but you better be my girlfriend. And Paloma did that. What is this weird prostitution plot for grade schoolers

Why does Pablo suddenly have a brain and Mariana doesnt

These people are so unbelievably rich

Damn. Endlessly men misinterpreting shit again and again. Though Mariana and Teresa both have a problem with mixed signals for sure. The men sure like to go from: oh she put a hand on my leg - she must want sex!! despite clear verbal and sometimes years-long rejection or a context of formality.

I guess Juan Carlos and Ana simply want different things.

Elena, despite being thin as a rack, is really hot.

Teresa is such a fucking dick. Truly Mariana and Teresa are Soooooooo Selfish when it comes to people who like them. Oh i need you to do something so fuck your feelings!

Mariana trusting Ana almost without question. They're building this soooooo slow

WHY WOULD YOU SAY 'TERESA NO ONE MUST FIND OUT THAT WE WERE LOVERS' OUT LOUD WITH PEOPLE IN THE HOUSE!!!!

She's literally in the hallway!!!! Sjisodjdkjfkdnd

Jezus everybody doing so much adultery. This show basically normalises it as idk very natural. This sentiment is then verbally proposed.

Ana INSTANTLY tells Mariana that she cheated on her husband. The moment she sees her..dude....

Why would she do this thing with Anuar some more if Mariana already knows

Anyway somehow Pablo was super dumb in the beginning but later hes smart

Oh so they put in an 'i love you' and a kiss and INSTANTLY play it off for the character and the audience. AMAZING. AMAZING!!! I LOVE IT

Fucking sucks that i dont even ship the poly bait of Elena/Mariana/Pablo..because Mariana so clearly is not into them??

Juan Carlos blaming the break on Ana sleeping with someone else when she had the guts to tell him when he didnt is fucked.

Pablo proposes out of the blue. Gets rejected. Just leaves the babies. Losldbfldbfjf..i thought you were doing these things for the BABIES

Ah they're doing some sort of vows in the guise of a maternity ritual. Amazing

They keep putting in a shot to Elena when they have these moments. Like the resident lesbian going: Harold.....

AND NOW MARIANA ACTUALLY LOOKS AT ELENA WHOS LIKE LOL BITCH COME ON

oh no.... Seriously. Did she just pull the 'youre just confused' card on a fellow sapphic??? Or is she trying to protect her?

Pablo is such a selfish bitch. 'ive been trying so hard for something that I threw away like it was shit once already!!' somebody warn Cynthia about this man

Ok so now Ana is being a shit head and not mentioning she also cheated hello

I mean Mariana you've been such a piece of shit to your mother the whole time

Seriously? Doesn't Juan Carlos think to fucking say: this was BEFORE. Jezus Christ. Now its getting stupid. I hate that shit

Seriously. So she's going to ask the question and then Mariana is going to answer without explainin that it was BEFORE

Shut UP

Seriously he didn't tell the kids the reality either? Think this is damn unfeminist for the dude to get blamed now for eveything. Come ON

Hate when seasons end on everything being shit

And I bet next season it all gets spun even more into shit. Hate that

God.

Ana really in one day, instead of making it a good day for her daughters, actually blamed her husband for everything, alienated the whole family, and her bestest friend as well.

What the FUCK

Anyway season 2 really sucks

[daz4i]

putting thoughts in text in hopes it'll clear my mind enough to sleep 🫡 (aka. a vent. maybe a call for advice...? tho idk if there is any)

i feel like. maybe. i'm having such a hard time lately (beyond like, making a lot of big changes in my life and lowkey overhauling it) bc i'm filled with opposing and contradicting emotions and thought processes

i am on the path to recovery. but i don't want it, bc i want to die. i need to put in a lot of effort into doing anything, but i don't have any energy, in part bc i don't want to do any of this. i know in order to be more stable i need to be kinder to myself, but i don't think i should be, bc i don't think i deserve it and idk how to do it and it's not a good driving force for me bc i'm already lenient with myself enough as is and and and look it's all excuses at the end of the day, truth is i just don't want to

i don't know what i want. ig death is the only thing really. unfortunately that's too much effort too (really i'm just scared of the repercussions of a failed attempt). but i can't move anywhere like that. i don't have a direction. bc i don't want anything

but at the same time i do, like. i want too much. and that's the issue ig. bc it's unachievable. and i'm not willing to settle for anything less. bc nothing is ever enough no matter what

my singing teacher kinda called me out on this today lol like how i'm never giving myself any kind words or how i'm never proud of doing good even tho in her opinion i'm already great. i can't ever be proud of my achievements (in general, not just singing) bc they don't feel like achievements to me ig. bc ik there's always better, so what's the point in less, yknow? to compare it to video games. yeah bronze medals or half collections are fun at first but at some point it's frustrating to not get gold or 100%. but it takes way too much work to get there or relies on things you can't even do

not even getting into things ppl in my life consider achievements when i do them, even tho i know they're below the bare minimum for a normal person lol (like any of the mental health shit i do today). not to mention how much i struggle with it anyway, i can't even get through things that are meant to be fun without feeling like i'm dying before during and/or after them

or how awful it feels to be unable to do things i used to. not even when i'm looking far back (<- peaked at 13-14 y/o) but even like, oh last month i was able to complete this task easily, this month i had a severe panic attack trying to do it or ended up being unable to do it at all

i wanna say i'm trying but idk if i am. bc i have no goal. i am definitely putting in effort, too much by my own standards tbh (hence why i'm in a constant state of debilitating stress and why my body feels like it's falling apart all the time) but it feels all over the place, like instead of pushing a boulder up a hill it's pushing multiple of those but on different hills. just running back and forth between them before i can even get a single boulder to any top

idk how to go at it in a different way or a different pace tho. idk how to make it better. i already committed to this program and if i leave it now i won't be able to get it again later in life. and like, i got into it in the first place for a reason, life of Nothing is so fucking boring and i got tired

but before i started it. i told my friend that being this depressed and doing nothing is better than being this depressed and trying to do things bc at least i'm not putting in meanless effort. and he got mad - we had this conversation more than once and he got mad every time - and said i can't know that, and that if i did things i may not be as depressed. well now i AM doing things and as expected i was right!!!!!!! it IS fucking shitty!!!!!! i AM getting worse!!!!! in ways i wasn't before, even!!!!!! and maybe it's bc i'm so fucking stubborn and it only happened bc i expected it too, but it's not like i can turn it off 🤷‍♂️ that shit happened subconsciously

so that just makes me think. again. how am i supposed to get better like this. my own body and brain battle me on every move and make it thrice as hard, things that are already hard as is, and i am very very weak and don't have any tools to deal with hardships (before you suggest therapy, I've been in dbt for years, my therapist just gave up on me bc he already taught me all of it and nothing ever worked bc my brain is fundamentally broken) so in this 2 on 1 battle i am not even armed in any way, obviously i'm getting wrecked no matter what

(one might argue that part of the issue is me seeing my body and brain as opponents rather than just me. and to that i say. bro if you had these they'd be your enemies too, this shit is hopeless, they're built for suffering is2g if you wanna feel anything positive that's a bummer ig. bc you won't. ever. and no amount of therapy and no medication and no life changes seems to help. and it's been 14 years of only getting worse. not that you were doing great before, you just didn't actively want to kys, bc you didn't know it was an option. so. 25 years of getting worse really. god i'm too old to be this fucking useless still lol)

[collectorcookie]

Looks like i have to do this again huh

So for subaru, yeah he's connected to godfather lore, but he's unwillingly connected to it, and all he gets out of that is a dead father and life long ostracization. Sure, it's tragic, but it's not his fault? It isn't something about his personality.

And even when it comes to him as a person, being some kind of a hidden genius in yumenosaki doesn't seem all too uncommon. So, idk, fundamentally he's kinda off but not the MOST unnormal in trickstar.

Now hokke. Hokke my weird guy who everyone thinks is a silent beautiful prince but is actually weird. Yeah i'm making a list out of this.

Joined theatre club not just bc he wanted to be like his mom but because he genuinely did not know facial expressions and wanted to learn

Was wataru's first and only friend for quite a while. THE weirdo wataru. This isn't even the full truth, wataru DID NOT WANT HIM. And he just continued to annoy the shit out of wataru until he finally gave in. (Turns out it was good for the lonely clown to have someone insist to stay with him #WataHokke so real so true i love theatre club)

hokke is the one who actually started the yumenosaki revolution, everyone else in trickstar went along with him

when anzu first transferred, he was like "oooh i am class president, please rely on me for anything" and then he takes her to a brawl, in which she gets kicked in the face so hard she faints (great job man. He actually feels bad abt this later)

When trickstar won the rights to participate in SS (by defeating eichi in DDD), hokke eventually just...gives up those rights. Why? Because he wanted to fight all of yumenosaki all over again and win them back (he's so aggressive i swear)

I know i mentioned this before but his parents left him alone for christmas once and his revenge is to plan bombing his parents. At like 8 years old or smth?

Not only that but every year after that, he marked that exact day as "X" to remind himself to get revenge on his parents cause the bombing attempt failed. For 10 years. Until his mom helped him publicly embarass his dad so he can finally get over it.

Not directly him but i think it's funny, his parents once gifted him a horse and he was like "wtf i can't keep a horse" so his parents signed the horse up for races. Oh yeah, the horse has been named "aishiteruhocchan" which is "i love you hocchan"

Was so ready to go out there and beat the shit out of eden with nothing but his fists bc he falsely assumed they were responsible for what happened at past SS

When him and trickstar were stranded in a jungle he spent like a good 10 minutes trying to prove a crab is alive when trickstar was desperately trying to convince him it's dead, only for him to go "well maybe hokkaido crabs are just built different" (they were not in hokkaido they were in the middle of the jungle. And there aren't crabs in hokkaido in the first place)

He's the leader of trickstar but refuses fo read any emails from eichi which is why makoto has been assigned the task of email management for trickstar (technically this should be the leaders job but it won't end well when your leader refuses to read emails from his CEO)

*there is no definition of normal for this poll. use whatever metric of ~normal~ to decide your answer