#stuff they want me to do before the end of the week and i was having stupid levels of task paralysis trying to think about it

[rosemariiaa]

~Obsessed~

𐙚— pairing: Paige x Azzi

𐙚— rosie’s note: hi hi there! this is one is a little short only because i was struggling with the other fic that was supposed to be posted tonight :( , so spare me i’ll work on that and drop it asap so no worries! but enjoy p being obsessed (per usual), happy reading lovelies 💌

𐙚—link: rosie’s bookshelf

𐙚— themes: fluff, obsession (kinda)

𐙚— taglist: @thaatdigitaldiary @sierrale8ne @imaginespazzi @pbaz7 @bueckersbitch @ldapper @makethemhoesmad

Obsession gets a bad reputation.

People throw the word around like it’s some kind of sickness, like it’s something to be ashamed of. They make it sound desperate, unhealthy, like the person on the other end of it has no control over themselves. Like caring too much, or noticing too much, or wanting too much makes you weak.

People might see obsession as an expression of imbalance or weakness, as though the person experiencing it has lost their sense of self or become consumed in a way that’s unhealthy. It can be painted as a lack of boundaries, as if the person is so fixated that they can no longer think clearly or act rationally.

But I don’t see it that way.

Obsession doesn’t always have to be negative.

The truth is, the line between obsession and love or passion is often blurry. It’s about how you channel it, how you manage it. When you can let yourself feel deeply without losing yourself in it, obsession doesn’t need to be something to be ashamed of. Sometimes, it’s exactly that level of investment that makes things meaningful.

Being obsessed means you see the details—the things no one else notices. It means you care enough to memorize the way someone bites their lip when they’re thinking or the way their laugh changes depending on whether they actually find something funny or if they’re just being polite.

And when it comes to Azzi, yeah, maybe I’m obsessed.

Actually, not maybe. I am.

And I don’t care. I take pride in it.

I take pride in the fact that I can pick her voice out of a crowd before I even see her. That I know the difference between her real smile and the one she gives when she’s just trying to be nice. That I know she has a playlist for every mood, even though she always pretends she’s too busy to mess with that kind of stuff.

There’s something satisfying about knowing her like that—like I’m in on some big secret that no one else has figured out yet.

Take last week, for example. We were sitting on her couch after practice, both exhausted, the TV playing some rom com movie neither of us was paying attention to. Azzi was scrolling through her phone, her face soft in the glow of the screen. I wasn’t even watching the movie anymore. I was watching her. I always do.

The way her brow furrowed a little as she read something. The way she tucked her legs under herself like she was trying to make herself smaller, even though she already takes up so little space. The way she absentmindedly played with the drawstring of her hoodie, a tiny detail that no one else would’ve even noticed.

I couldn’t help it. I had to say something.

“What’re you thinking about?” I asked, my voice cutting through the quiet.

Azzi glanced up at me, her expression unreadable for a moment before she shrugged. “Nothing important.”

But I could tell by the way she said it that it was important—at least to her.

And that’s the thing. I don’t think anyone else would’ve caught that. No one else would’ve seen the way her lips twitched like she was holding back a smile or the way her eyes softened like she was glad someone had asked.

I don’t mind being obsessed with her because it means I get to see her like this. In moments when she’s not “Azzi the stud” or “Azzi the calm and collected one.” When she’s just… Azzi.

And yeah, I’ll admit it: I look at her like she’s the only person in the room. But can you blame me?

She has this way of pulling me in without even trying. Like everything else fades, and it’s just her—her laugh, her smile, the way her curls frame her face by themselves when she’s not paying attention.

If that makes me obsessed, then fine. I’ll own it.

Because I don’t think obsession is a bad thing. Not when it means loving someone like this. Not when it means knowing someone in a way that no one else does.

Not when it’s her.

[marauder-misprint]

Hello!! I’m your new follower and honestly your fics are so good 🥺 I love the “these damn stairs” one and I wonder if u could write part 2 because shy reader and gentle super friendly Remus trope is the best heh.

Thank youuu for following ❤︎

Here is part 2 to 'These damn stairs' and there will be a part 3 because I can't just let it end here :) Might be a few days before I'm able to post part 3 because I got some really good requests in my inbox that I want to get to!

'It's a date'

Remus Lupin x reader

2.2k words

cw: fluff

Talking to Remus still felt like you had the eyes of the school on you. This meant that it was Remus who talked first. You would give him a small smile or a wave when you passed him on your way to a different class, but it was always him who came up to your desk before or after a class you had together. It was him who still came to sit with you at lunch; your friends warmed up to him quickly and proceeded to tease you about him when he was gone. 

You continued to study with him too. He’d wait for you outside the library before walking with you back to the small table from that first study session. With every passing day, you slowly began to be more comfortable in his presence. You were able to hold a conversation with him. It was a slow growing friendship, but it was growing. 

“You’re sure you don’t mind studying with just me?” you had asked once, worrying that he missed all of the attention that he used to get in the library because he was smart and nice. 

He just smiled at you, leaning toward you to say, “I really don’t mind. I’d rather work with you over anyone else.” 

That left you blushing for the rest of your time in the library that evening. Remus always knew what to say to get that blush to reappear. More often than not, you would leave your encounters with Remus with a pink face and racing heart. 

You were thrown off when you showed up to study with Remus on Saturday and he wasn’t waiting for you outside the library. You considered waiting for him to show up but decided to check inside just in case. You found him sitting at a larger table with his friends. There were open chairs on either side of him with the other three boys on the opposite side of the table. The sight sent your mind spinning as you tried to remember the conversation when you discussed studying today. You didn’t recall him mentioning the rest of the Marauders would be there. Plans must’ve changed. 

You headed toward a different table, your usual before you started sitting with Remus. You didn’t want to interrupt their “Marauders Study Session.” 

However, as soon as he saw you, Remus called you over.

“You know James, Peter, Sirius, yeah? Hope you don’t mind they came today. I’m afraid they need the extra push to get stuff done.”

You do mind but god forbid you say something and make a scene. So you nodded and sat down next to Remus. You attempted to keep your things more consolidated than you usually do. You didn’t want to encroach on Peter’s or Sirius’ space. It took you longer to fall into your studying groove with the entirety of the Marauders at the same table as you; you’re positive that anyone and everyone passing by is confused by it. You felt like an outsider intruding on something sacred. It didn’t help that every time you looked up, you swore at least one of them was looking at you or Remus. You’re a bit uncomfortable. It’s not like you’ve ever really talked to any of them. 

“So, erm, how long has this been a thing?” Peter asked after you caught your eye from across the table. 

A thing? What on earth did that boy mean?

“Excuse me?” 

“We’ve been studying together for a little over two weeks,” Remus said, shooting you a quick smile.

Oh That’s all.

Remus’ answer made the question make more sense. You supposed it was a thing that Remus was studying with one person rather than a herd of girls and essentially playing teacher. You berated yourself for thinking that Peter had meant something more. 

“Right, studying,” Sirius said with a smirk. 

Nope. What?

You pursed your lips together and train your eyes on your assignment. That is what you had been doing with Remus. That’s all you’ve been doing.

“Shut it, Padfoot,” Remus warned. 

He glared at his friends. He had warned them ahead of time to be nice to you, to try not to scare you off. He knows you are shy and more reserved. He didn’t want to cancel studying with you so that his nimrod friends didn’t fall behind on their own assignments. But now, he was beginning to regret inviting them. 

Remus reached for a small scrap of parchment and scribbled on it, “Don’t worry about them” before sliding it into your view. You took notice of it and nodded. He lowered his head to get into your view as well. He raised his eyebrows as if asking that you’re okay. You drew a simple smiley face on the parchment. He nodded and returned to his own assignment. With both of your heads bowed in focus, you missed the shared look between the other three boys. You were able to get some work done. The lingering feeling of eyes on you was impossible to shake. You tried to think of a reason why they would be so interested in you, but you kept coming up short. Well, not completely. You had ideas, but each seemed more ridiculous than the last and one was just downright hopeful. 

“Is it true you started talking because you got your foot stuck in that damn step?” James asked as he closed a book he was using for his Herbology assignment.

“Prongs!” Remus hissed as your face turned beet red. 

“Uh, I guess?” you said meekly. 

You tried not to think about that embarrassing day, even if it did lead to your first real interaction with Remus. It wasn’t a moment you wanted to relive. 

“Must’ve been some fall though,” James continued, despite the glared daggers from Remus. “Certainly got our boy’s attention.”

Remus’ face was beginning to turn red as well at this point. He really, really wanted James to stop talking; it was at the point where he was debating Silencio. 

“Oh? What… what do you mean?” you asked, biting the inside of your cheek. 

Sirius snorted a laugh. “Sweetheart, you should hear how much he talks about you.” 

Your eyes went wide. You weren’t sure what you had expected but it wasn’t that. It took a second for the words to fully sink in. Remus talked… about you? Often? With enough frequency that his friends made note of it? Is that why it felt like they kept staring at you? They were just trying to figure out what Remus found so intriguing about you? 

You turned to see Remus holding his head in his hands. You gently placed your hand on his shoulder.

“Remus?” 

A horrible thought crossed your mind: What if this was all just a prank on you and Remus was collateral? What if he didn’t actually talk about you and now he’d have to admit that? 

He ran his hands through his hair before looking at you. His face was bright red, highlighting each scar that ran across his nose and cheeks brilliantly. 

“Can we talk privately? Before I murder these gits?” he asked you in a low voice with pleading eyes. 

“Yeah. Yeah,” you breathed, standing up and waiting to follow Remus through the shelves.

He led you further than you would’ve expected from the table. You assumed that he really didn’t want the boys overhearing whatever you were going to talk about. With each step, you felt your heart rate increase. Maybe he thought you were going to cry at what he was going to say and didn’t want to do that near them. 

“I think we’re far enough. No hearing extension charm they’re capable of reaches this far,” he said, leaning back against the wall with some kind of effortless allure. 

“Are you okay?” you asked. 

You stood a few steps away from him. If something was going to go down, you wanted to have some space between you. 

“Yeah. Yeah, of course. I’m fine,” he said as he watched you with cautious eyes. “Usually their teasing doesn’t get to me this bad.” He let out an awkward chuckle. 

“Are they teasing you about being friends with me?” you asked, your chest filling with dread. 

You wrapped your arms around yourself to brace for the worst. Remus was popular. He was so well-liked. He was so good with people. And you liked to stay out of the spotlight. Some people thought you were a little standoffish, but so be it. You could see where his friends were coming from. 

Suddenly, you felt hands on your shoulders. And you looked up to see Remus’ warm eyes. 

“They are teasing me about being just friends with you,” he said softly. 

You rolled your lips against each other. What did he mean by that? Just friends? 

“Because I do talk about you a lot. I practically only study with you. I go out of my way to cross paths with you so I can see your smile. I hope this doesn’t sound creepy, but I stare at you from across the Great Hall when I don’t sit next to you.” He paused for a moment to see if you had any reaction yet. “And this is going to sound mean, but I’m so glad you fell on those stairs. It brought you into my life.” He waited again. “Please say something, love.” 

“Okay,” you said as your cheeks tinged pink. “So they aren’t making fun of me? This isn’t some kind of prank?” 

“No. It’s not a prank. The only one being made fun of is me because I wanted to wait longer.”

“Wait longer for what?” 

“Listen. I meant it when I said you are pretty. I meant it when I said I don’t want to study with anyone else. I mean it when I say I can’t get you out of my head. I just wanted to wait longer to be sure… sure that you’d say yes. Sure that you like me.” 

You tilted your head.

“Of course I like you, Remus.”

“But as more than friends? Would you be willing to go on a date with me?”

Your breath hitched. Had Remus just said a bunch of sweet things about you? Yes, and it made your face feel hot. But it was the question that really sealed the deal. He wanted to be sure that you’d say yes. 

“I’d really like that.” You broke into a wide smile. “You thought I wouldn’t say yes?” 

Remus let out the breath he was holding and mirrored your smile. He pulled you into a tight hug before answering. 

“I’ve wanted to ask you out since the first time we studied together. I didn’t want to move too fast. I didn’t want you to think I was trying to jump you or something.” 

You laughed into his chest and he slowly let you go. 

“So all of that back there, that was them being tired of listening to you pine?” you asked.

“Seems like it. I told them to be nice to you, but I guess I didn’t tell them to be nice to me.”

“I mean, I’d say it was pretty nice of them to get you a date,” you said teasingly.

“I’m still the one who asked!” he tried to defend himself.

You raised your eyebrows at him.

“Yeah, but would you have asked if they weren’t here?”

“Not today, no. Maybe in another week or so. I told you, I was waiting to be sure.”

“For a smart bloke, you really should’ve known that if you asked me out on the stairs, I would’ve said yes.”

“Wait, what?” He looked down at you in surprise. 

“Merlin, I’ve had a crush on you for a while. It’s part of what made falling into the stair so mortifying.”

“Those damn stairs, right?” he chuckled as you started walking back to the table. Then he cleared his throat. “So, Hogsmeade next weekend?”

“It’s a date.” 

The three boys were working when you returned. When they looked up, they had matching looks of anticipation on their faces. Neither of you said anything as you sat down and started to work. Without speaking, you seemed to agree that you weren’t going to say anything unless they asked. 

“So?” Peter asked. “Did Remus grow a pair?” 

“Always had a pair, Peter,” Remus said dryly. 

“Moony,” he whined before turning his attention to you. “Did he… you know?”

“Well, she might not know. Because if he didn’t, how would she know?” Sirius said. 

You rolled your eyes with a shake of your head. 

“What if he did and she said no? That’d be something,” James mused. “Although I don’t think they’d be so… content? Peaceful? Somber? Pleased-looking?”

“But wouldn’t they both look much happier if he asked and she said yes?” Peter asked.

“Oi! We are right here,” Remus interjected. “I asked. She said yes. You are to stay away from us in Hogsmeade. Now, work. I want to see finished essays.”

“Our boy became a man!” Sirius said, wiping an invisible tear from his eye. “We’re so proud of you.”

“Padfoot. Essay. Now,” Remus commanded before shooting you a wide grin. 

You could tell that he was pretty proud of himself too. 

tags: @allformoony, @oursweetmoony, @moonyswifee

[ddejavvu]

Sugar daddy Hotch!!! I feel like he'd be the type of person to be like "Honey, I know that that's what these kind of relationships tend to be based on, but you absolutely don't have to have sex with me... I know there's an age gap, so if you don't feel comfortable..." and you're just standing next to him like. "Huh? Sorry I wasn't listening, I was too busy thinking about climbing you like a tree. Can we fuck now please?"

well i think realistically he wouldn't have sought out a sugar baby unless he wanted to have sex w them so i don't think he'd just give you free money but he absolutely is willing to let you get settled before you ever do anything. he'll start you off on a weekly payment and tell you to enjoy the first few and get comfortable with him, he promises he's not gonna show up at the door and take you on the couch before you're ready. meanwhile the first time you spoke on the phone with him you were ready, god you almost stuck your hand down your pants just hearing his deep, smooth voice.

the first time you meet he offers you wine and he promises that he won't do a thing if you end up getting tipsy and you don't even have to drink in the first place if you don't want to. you're more than happy to sip for some courage and you end up draped all over his lap on the couch. you're not even drunk you just want to be there. he thinks you're buttering him up because you think that's what gets you the money, and i mean, eventually yeah, but he's pretty content with taking it slow. he puts one of his big hands on your face and thumbs at your chin to hold it in place while he murmurs, 'you don't have to do this, y'know. the money is yours, just get comfortable for now'.

all you're hearing is 'blah blah blah, proper name, place name, backstory stuff'. it's right then and there that you lean up to kiss him. maybe a bad time considering the fact that he's trying to ease you into things but you've wanted to take this man to your penthouse and freak it for WEEKS NOW. you'd admit that you'd have sex with him for free but you do also kind of need the money so you're at least going to make sure he gets what he's paying for.

[caitified]

omg errand run with Cait ND bella would be sooo cute like bringing bella to the store w yall, moms are just kinda bein' goofy and planning out dinners, and when u skim past the toy aisle on the way to batteries or something IDK lol! bella sees a toy she wants and like screeches so loud u n Cait get worried only to learn she just sighted a toy..

trying to be the reasonable mom who teaches bella about the value of prices + how demand doesn't equal receive is counteracted by cait, who tries to support you at first

but bella's all like 'mommy I want i want' pointing to the toy with her puppy eyes. she even grabs it from the cart and clutches it to her adorably while staring at cait (who c'mon, we all know is the princess reinforcer) and when u tell her no, Cait's eyes go from supporting u to lookin' at u like c'mon babe this is our baby

and you're all 'stop Cait, blah blah,' and she's like 'yeah yell at me, let's just get it for her.'

and u and Cait cutely bicker until she just throws her hands up in the air and like seizes bella from the cart to hold her and bounce her around while cradling her head as a way to stop the impending meltdown and sobbing that comes anyway as bella watches u place the toy back

and she's like gently whining in Cait's ear and making her feel even worse, and she's all "please mommy tell her please for me" and u look at them BOTH and they're both sad -- CAIT IS LITERALLY SAD because ur not appeasing yalls' daughter and she has to listen to her beg while telling her 'i know i'm sorry baby next time' while bella just whines and huffs into her shoulder, little hands clutching at her mom for DEAR LIFE like she's experiencing the most heartbreaking thing ever and Cait is acting like she just watched bella get smacked in the face by u because she's so cute and loves her daughter and again the number 1 princess reinforcer

perphaps ends with y'all at checkout with them having survived and calmed down (#divas) finally, and right after the cashier finishes scanning the small stuff u bought to finish checking out quicker, Cait, who's at self checkout, returns to you quickly with the cart, bella in her seat holding her toy.

ALSO I love u so much lmao ur authors note on the last post made me CRY keep being u and doing the best gio <3

-😼

TOY

CAITLIN CLARK X READER

warnings:none

notes: as always i love this i love the detail and please keep requesting 😼

errands with caitlin and bella were always an experience.

it was supposed to be a quick grocery run—just a few things to stock up for the week. but you should’ve known better. between your two-year-old daughter and your overgrown child of a wife, nothing was ever just quick and easy.

you were scanning the shelves, comparing prices on different brands of cereal, when it happened.

the screech.

not just any screech—a full-blown, eardrum-shattering shriek that made you and caitlin both whip your heads around so fast you probably strained something.

“MOMMY, LOOK!”

bella was in the cart, little hands gripping the handle, eyes as wide as saucers as she pointed at the shelf across the aisle.

you followed her gaze and—oh.

a stuffed animal. a big, fluffy golden retriever plushie with floppy ears and big brown eyes. the kind of thing that bella definitely did not need more of.

“i want it,” she declared, already reaching. “i need it.”

you sighed. here we go. “bella, baby, we have so many stuffed animals at home.”

bella’s head snapped toward you, betrayal written all over her little face. “but not this one.”

caitlin, standing beside the cart, let out a quiet snort, but at least she tried to keep a straight face. “she’s right, b,” she said, attempting to back you up. “you have, like, a million of these.”

bella huffed. “but this one’s special.”

and before you could even respond, she grabbed the toy from the shelf, clutched it to her chest like it was her firstborn child, and looked directly at caitlin.

the puppy eyes.

you froze.

caitlin wavered.

bella knew exactly what she was doing.

“mommy, please,” she pleaded, her little voice soft and sweet, her grip tightening around the plushie.

you knew where this was going. caitlin, despite her best efforts, was the ultimate pushover when it came to bella.

“stop it, cait,” you warned. “do not cave.”

caitlin held up her hands in surrender. “i’m not caving!”

bella pressed her cheek against the plushie. “he’s lonely,” she whispered dramatically. “he needs me.”

caitlin’s eyes softened. “oh my god.”

“caitlin.”

“babe.”

“she has enough toys.”

caitlin sighed, running a hand through her hair. “yeah, but—”

“no ‘buts.’”

bella, sensing the impending loss, pulled out her final weapon. she gasped like she had just been mortally wounded, threw herself forward into caitlin’s arms, and started full-on whimpering.

you pinched the bridge of your nose.

“baby,” caitlin cooed, bouncing her gently, one hand cradling the back of her head. “i know, i know. next time, okay?”

“please mommy, tell her please for me,” bella whined, nuzzling into caitlin’s neck, her tiny hands gripping her hoodie like her life depended on it.

and the worst part?

caitlin was actually sad.

like you had just denied her a toy.

she was rubbing soothing circles into bella’s back, pressing little kisses to her temple, looking at you like you had just committed a crime against your own family.

“c’mon, babe,” she said, voice barely above a whisper. “look at her.”

“*i am looking at her, cait. and she’s acting like we’re taking away her *oxygen.**”

“because you kinda are.”

“oh my god.”

—

bella did not get the toy.

at least, not at first.

she whined and huffed into caitlin’s shoulder all the way through checkout, but she eventually settled, pacified with kisses and whispered promises of ice cream at home.

you thought you had won.

until—

“caitlin.”

you were at self-checkout, scanning the last few things, when your wife suddenly disappeared.

and then, right as you finished paying, she reappeared—pushing the cart toward you with bella in her seat, holding the toy.

caitlin grinned sheepishly. “look who found her way back to us.”

bella beamed. “mommy got him for me!”

you turned slowly to caitlin. “are you serious?”

caitlin shrugged, slipping an arm around your waist. “listen, babe, we fought the good fight. but some battles aren’t meant to be won.”

you glared at her. “this is why she’s spoiled.”

“yeah, well, if we’re gonna be real, that’s kinda on both of us.”

you sighed, leaning into her. “i hate you.”

she kissed your temple. “love you too, babe.”

bella, completely oblivious, clutched her new plushie and giggled. “he wasn’t lonely anymore.”

and, really—how could you argue with that?

[itsseohannbin]

〉The "L" Word 〈

| Lee-Know |

© itshannjisung, 2024

♡ itsseohannbins masterlist ♡

Genre: Fluff 💕 & some suggestive content💋

Summary: Lee-Know is coming home from tour and you're finally going to tell him you love him.... maybe?

Pairing: Idol! Lee-Know x Female Reader

Warnings: Fluff. Established relationship. First "I Love You". Suggestive themes. some tears. v cute stuff. [they're in love your honor :( ]

lmk if i missed any!

Word Count: 3.7k

Enjoy!

It was Saturday.

It was finally Saturday.

You had been looking forward to this day all week, all month. You could feel the excitement and anticipation vibrate through your body the second you woke up like a kid hitting the peak of their sugar rush. Normally, you'd let yourself snooze well into the afternoon, catching up on the sleep you so desperately needed after the work week that had just passed, but not today. Today was important.

Today, the boys were coming home.

After being away for events and performances for nearly four months now, promoting their new album and gaining fame worldwide, they were coming home for a much-needed break, which meant you would finally get to see your boyfriend.

Four months of falling asleep together during late-night video chats only to wake the next morning and still find the line active, the other snoring quietly through the speaker. Four months of quick, mid-day phone calls just to say "I miss you," before having to hang up and return to your busy schedules. Four months of incessant texting every chance you got, sending each other memes and pictures every hour of the day, every day of the week. Four months of being apart and it was finally coming to a close.

You were elated that they were coming home, relieved even. As much as the boys adored what they did, they deserved a vacation, and in less than twelve hours, theirs would finally begin. Before the end of the day, Minho and his members would be escorted through the Incheon International Airport and brought back to the dorms for some much-deserved rest.

You tried to tell Minho to do just that when the two of you had talked earlier in the week, to go home and rest, but he missed you. He missed you more than he thought possible. Every time he had a free moment to himself, he would be checking his phone for notifications from you.

He'd scroll through your Instagram feed through his private account and watch your stories an unhealthy amount of times throughout the day, he'd rewatched old Snapchat videos that the two of you had taken from the earlier days of your relationship, and friendship beforehand, and he'd even call your phone when he knew you'd be fast asleep just to hear your voicemail click in with your cheery voice.

He missed you so much, and he'd be damned if he didn't come to see you the minute their plane landed safely back in Korea.

You tried to tell him no, to go back home to the dorms to rest for a few days and catch up on sleep, but Minho was a stubborn man, and the only thing he wanted to do come Saturday evening was to hold you in his arms and bask in your presence, the presence he longed for after spending so much time away.

And who were you to deny your boyfriend of that?

You missed him just as much as he did you, probably even more so.

So, when your alarm went off early Saturday morning, waking you from your slumber, you found yourself practically hopping from your warm bed and skipping to the shower in delight. Everything you did that morning was done in elation.

The usual morning shower that acted as a pick-me-up to further wake you from your sleepy haze was now taken to help calm the nerves that washed through you in a rush. The usual morning skin routine afterwards was done extra thoroughly as you bounced from foot to foot, unable to contain your excitement.

Breakfast and morning coffee were made with a sprinkle of magic dusted in as you blasted music through your phone speaker and danced and sang as if it was your happiest day on earth. You used the end of the spatula as a microphone, pausing to flip your eggs around the pan briefly before you continued your one-man concert across the tile of your kitchen floor.

If Minho could see you now, surely, he'd shake his head an call you a loser (lovingly of course) for your dorky antics, but you didn't care. He was coming home to you and that was justification enough for turning your entire apartment into a solo stage.

After you had eaten your breakfast and energized yourself even more with a pot of coffee, you ran out to stock up on groceries. You weren't sure how long Minho was planning on staying over, but you had taken the following week off to spend time with him, so you were sure the two of you would go through a lot.

You bought ingredients to cook him his favourite meals, bought the proper stuff needed for him to make himself a coffee, and then some extras for snacking throughout the week so you wouldn't have to leave the house for groceries again while he was home.

When you got home, you started the cleaning. You and Minho were fairly clean people, and you both went to extra lengths to ensure your apartment was always cleaner than most. But right now, you wanted to make it even better. Minho coming home allowed you to really pull out every single piece of furniture from its home and vacuum and mop around it before sliding it back into its place.

Every nook and cranny was scrubbed free of cobwebs and dust, every speckle of food that faintly stained your stovetop was wiped, and every particle in the air was then coated with a light layer of his favourite air freshener. You wanted Minho to come home and not have to lift a finger.

So after what felt like hours of decluttering your and his space, storing away old knick-knacks that only acted as an eyesore along your shelves, and ensuring every single blanket and pillow were clean, the laundry in your clothes hamper also completely finished, did you finally allow yourself the luxury of rest.

And by then, you only had an hour before Minho's plane would land and he'd be on his way to your apartment.

The closer the time got to his arrival, the more your nerves grew, though you weren't entirely sure why.

You and Minho had been together for almost a year now, and friends for nearly triple the time. This wasn't the first instance he and the boys had been gone for a long time, and based on the way their careers were skyrocketing lately, you knew it was far from the last, but something about his return home now felt different.

The two of you weren't overly affectionate people, at least not in public anyway. All of your intimacy was saved for the moments you found yourselves alone together, whether in the comfort of your own apartment or in the safety of his bedroom, behind his closed door.

So why were you feeling so nervous, so giddy to see him again after only a short few months? Was it the physical touch you both craved and missed so desperately or was it something bigger? Something more intimate?

Sure, the two of you were sexually active, but it only happened on occasion. With both of you sporting low sex drives, you only ever indulged in one another during special occasions.

But the idea of finally seeing Minho soon was only kicking your hormones into overdrive.

You had planned a night in with him with facemasks, self-care, and ultimately, relaxation, but now you felt yourself growing more and more intrigued with the idea of jumping his bones the minute he walked through the door.

Maybe your period was coming up.

You always found yourself more needy when that time of month came.

It was half past seven o'clock now, and you were lying on the couch with a book in your hand and a blanket wrapped tightly around your figure. You hadn't been able to even make it past the first few pages of the book, your mind too preoccupied with thoughts of Minho while your nerves swam through your stomach like a swarm of bees.

It was then that you decided.

You were finally going to tell him.

You were finally going to say the 'L' word.

Neither one of you had said it yet, despite being together for so long, but neither one of you minded. The two of you always felt content with where you stood, but after missing him this much, you knew.

You loved him, and you knew he loved you back just as much. This stretch of distance made you sure of that. The words were always there, on the tip of his tongue after every late-night phone call or afternoon Facetime. They were always there, never spoken but you felt it all the same with the way he talked to you, the way he stared at you during your video calls.

You knew, and you were anxious to tell him the second he walked through your front door.

Then, as if on cue, the buzzing sound of your apartment doorbell system rang noisily throughout the space, causing you to jump, your heart beginning to race frantically with anticipation.

You quickly threw the warm knit blanket off your nearly-naked body, cold air hitting all the parts of your skin that weren't covered by the red lace lingerie set you adorned yourself with specifically for this moment, this reunion.

You padded lightly over to the intercom, holding the button down and pushing your lips up to the speaker.

"Minho?" you chirped excitedly, bouncing on the balls of your feet.

There was silence for a second before the voice of home came bounding through the small appliance on the wall, filling you with warmth and happiness you only ever felt with Minho.

"Hi Kitten," he mused back in a teasing tone. "Are you going to let me in, or do I have to climb this building and smash through the living room window to get to you?"

You clicked the button down once more, giggling into the receiver before responding in a soft, adoring timbre.

"I thought I told you to go home and rest before coming over." you chided with a mischievous grin even though he couldn't see it. He could probably hear it in the ring of your voice, which only made you smile wider.

"And I thought I told you you were my home," he responded back quickly. "Buzz me in so I can come inside my home."

Heat pooled low in your stomach at his insinuation, the mood of his voice now heated and thick. Your thumb hovered over the button that would unlock the front door, allowing him access inside, but you couldn't bring yourself to press it just yet. Despite missing him so much, you wanted him to suffer a bit for the thoughts he had just thrown into your head with his last statement.

Buzz me in so I can come inside my home...

"Where's your key?" you asked after a moment of silence, the smile on your face growing with every passing second.

"Yah!" he hollered back, his voice tight as he responded. "You know damn well that my key is sitting on your kitchen table as we speak. Now open up before I change my mind and actually go home!"

You let out a laugh as you finally pushed the button, unlocking the front door for your boyfriend to enter. You glanced over at the apartment key that, like Minho had said, was still sitting on your kitchen table next to Leebit. He had left it at your place before he and the boys were supposed to leave, saying he didn't want to take any chances with someone else getting their hands on it and having access to your apartment, and he didn't want to lose it in his time away.

You were anxious to give it back to him so he could come and go as he pleased. Whether it be mid-afternoon after practice was let out, or late at night when he was feeling needy himself, you were excited for him to have that privilege back.

As you waited for Minho to make the trek back up to where you lived on the fourth floor, you unlocked the front door for him and retreated back to the couch. Only this time, instead of cuddling back up in your soft blanket, you stood half naked, leaning seductively against the back of the piece of furniture. You waited patiently for a few minutes, the nerves still buzzing about in your abdomen, before you heard footsteps approaching outside the apartment.

Footsteps that stopped at your door.

You hoped to god Minho was the one standing on the other side and not one of your nosy neighbours or else this would've been extremely awkward.

Before you could second guess whether you should've been waiting in the bedroom or not, there was a soft knock before the handle turned and the door was pushed open.

And in walked Minho Lee.

His eyes were on you in less than a second, but instead of raking over your exposed body, his eyes stayed locked onto yours as a soft smile made its way to his lips.

"Welcome home Min," you whispered around a grin of your own. Minho then took a moment to drink in your body, ready and on display for him, and his cheeks turned a pretty shade of pink you had only ever witnessed in moments like this.

"Hi Kitten," he mused back, hooking his jacket onto the hook bolted into the wall and slipping off his shoes. The tips of his ears began to turn red, but he was still smiling appreciatingly as he approached you with his arms out wide. "I've missed you."

Before you could respond to him and ask him how his flight was, his lips were on yours, his arms circling your waist, holding you in place against his hard chest. He kissed you slowly and sensually, his tongue prodding delicately along your mouth, asking for permission after only a short few moments, which you granted automatically.

Minho moaned as he licked into your mouth, his tongue sliding across yours in a soft caress, his hands gripping your hips roughly as he pushed himself against you. You could feel him growing hard against your exposed thigh and a groan escaped your throat as all feelings of nervousness evaded your body.

With skilled hands that knew your body better than anyone else, Minho hiked your legs up and wrapped them around his waist, his groin pressing into your most sensitive part as he began the slow walk around to the front of the couch, where he sat down with you perched on his lap.

You pulled away from him breathlessly after his hands slipped down to cup your ass, pushing lightly on his chest when he chased you with his mouth that was desperate to keep the distance between you closed.

"Min," you whispered into the silence of the apartment. Minho, whose eyes were hooded and darkened with need, brought his lips down to your neck and left delicate kisses along your throat, his hands slipping from where they were resting on the fabric of your panties and up to tangle in the wisps of your hair.

"Hmm?" he mumbled in response, barely registering your hands nudging against his shoulders.

"I think I-" You stopped short when Minho's tongue then slipped out from between his lips and licked the expanse of your jawline up to your ear, eliciting another moan to leave your lips.

This was it. This was the moment you'd been preparing all afternoon for. Despite his hungry attack on your skin, and his hands exploring your body sensually, you knew this was the moment.

You had to say it now before you went any further; you didn't want it to seem like his hands and mouth were the root cause of your feelings. But he felt so incredibly good beneath you, that you felt like you could combust at any given moment.

"Minho, I love you." you then blurted abruptly. 

Minho froze in place at your confession, his ministrations on your neck coming to a halt almost instantly. Panic quickly built in your chest at his sudden stop, the fear of rejection warming your cheeks in embarrassment.

Minho slowly pulled away from your throat and looked up at you through his long eyelashes, his ears reddening with each passing second.

His mouth opened and closed several times, bobbing like a fish out of water, and with each moment that passed, the more your confidence faltered until you were left covering your face in your hands and moving to slip off his lap. 

The room filled with an eerie silence as you struggled to catch your breath while simultaneously trying to stop yourself from having a panic attack. 

You said it.

You actually said it!

…

But he wasn’t saying it back.

A rush of emotion surged through you so strongly that you barely paid Minho, who was sitting like a statue beside you, any attention. His hands had fallen to his sides, his breathing uneven and ragged, his eyes wide and staring at nothing. 

Oh god.

You always feared the rejection that came with finally saying the ‘L’ word to someone, but you never in a million years thought that you would get it. Not after the amazing relationship you’ve had thus far with Minho. 

You fumbled to cover your exposed skin with a soft blanket, moving to hide your face behind your hair so Minho couldn’t see the way your cheeks flared up and the tears that threatened to spill out of your eyes.

“I’m so sorry,” you spoke quickly and softly, shaking your head as if to erase the moment from memory as you wiped the excess spit off your chin. “I don’t know what came over me. I guess I just missed you so much, and I just --- I’m sorry.” 

You went to stand up to retreat to your room, to escape the utter and complete embarrassment that was currently engulfing you like a live flame, when a hand, warm and strong, reached out and grabbed you by the wrist before you could take another step.

You whipped your head around, daring to look at him despite yourself, and you were surprised to find Minho staring back at you. His eyes were wet with unshed tears, but the look of utter adoration and hope that twinkle in his dark eyes had you faltering for a brief moment.

And a brief moment was all it took for Minho to pull you back into his lap.

You fell into his lap in surprise, his arms automatically circling your waist and his face immediately going back into the crevice of your neck. You froze for a moment, waiting, listening.

Minho squeezed you tighter as you felt the first droplet of water hit your collarbone. Minho shifted a second later and delicately kissed the spot where his stray tear had landed before he shoved his face back into your skin, almost like he was trying to absorb you into him completely. 

“Thank you,” he murmured, so soft you almost completely missed it. 

“Why are you thanking me?” You asked, your voice barely above a whisper as you were too afraid to move, to speak, in case it broke the spell. Minho let out a long breath and kissed your neck softly once more.

“Because,” he offered, his arms squeezing you to him like you were his last breath.

“Baby?” You questioned then, hands sifting through his soft hair once again. You tugged lightly, willing him to pull his face from your neck, and he did so reluctantly. When he pulled away, you were surprised to see his eyes all red and puffy, the wetness of his cheeks, the reddening of his skin.

“Thank you for loving me,” he elaborated this time, a frown settled onto his features. Your eyes searched his for an answer as confusion steamrolled over your body.

“What--”

“I love you,” Minho then blurted, much like you had moments before. His hand has removed itself from around your waist and came up to brush a strand of hair away from your eyes. Emotion surged through you like electricity at his confession, and you sat there silently as he then traced the length of your cheekbone and cradled your face in his palm. 

Minho let out a shaky breath, his thumb grazing your bottom lip as his gaze flickered between your eyes and your mouth. His voice was softer now, but steady, filled with something raw and unguarded.

“I didn’t say it before because I was scared,” he admitted, his fingers pressing lightly into your skin as if he was grounding himself in the moment. “Not of you—never of you— but of how much I felt when you said it. I didn’t know if I was supposed to feel this way.”

His words settled over you like a warm embrace, his vulnerability tugging at your heartstrings.

“You don’t have to be scared,” you then whispered, your hands cupping his jaw, guiding him back into your space. “I love you, Minho. Every part of you. I always have.” 

And I probably always will.

Minho inhaled sharply, his hands gripping your waist like he was trying to commit this very moment to memory.

“And I love you,” he breathed, the words falling past his lips like they’d been waiting for this moment all along. “So much that it fucking terrifies me.”

You opened your mouth to respond, but Minho cut you off with a kiss—one that stole your breath and any lingering doubt you had left. It was slow, deep, and desperate like he was trying to prove his love in the only way he knew how.

His hands roamed your body, no longer teasing, no longer just seeking, but cherishing. Every touch, every press of his lips, was a silent promise, one that left you feeling more secure than any words ever could.

When he finally pulled back, foreheads pressed together, his fingers traced lazy patterns along your sides, his expression softer now, no longer hesitant.

“Say it again,” he murmured, voice hoarse, eyes searching yours.

A slow smile spread across your kiss-swollen lips.

“I love you.”

Minho exhaled a laugh, a mix of relief and something else—something deeper. 

“Good,” he hummed, pressing another kiss to your lips. “Because I’m never letting you forget it.”

And with that, he pulled you even closer, as if proving just how much he really meant it.

Taglist: @moonlightndaydreams @channieandhisgoonsquad @newhope8 @noellllslut @queenmea604 @bethanysnow @yxnjinsduality @kaiyaba

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[wosospacegirl]

I don’t even like boys - Arsenal teen! r

Summary: Reader has sex with a boy because she is confused about her sexuality but ends up having a pregnancy scare. Leah and Katie comfort her through it.

Word count: 2.5k

Warnings: Talks of teenage pregnancy (but she’s not pregnant!!) a little bit of good luck, baby vibes?

Masterlist here

This was based on a request! Hope you guys enjoy it.

..

The Health check day at Arsenal was awkward. The team was split into groups of three, each assigned to a general practitioner, a physiotherapist, and a gynaecologist. All the girls had to be examined by all three before returning to training, as per house rules, Y/n guessed.

Y/n, Leah, Katie, and Kyra, sat bored in the gynaecologist’s waiting room. Leah tapped her foot in frustration. “This is ridiculous. We could be training at the gym instead of waiting here,” the blonde muttered.

“You say that every season,” Katie said, rolling her eyes. The Irish woman had a small rubber ball, which she kept bouncing back and forth against the wall.

“Yeah, because every season we lose at least two hours here just so we can go inside and answer the same questions Dr. Smith always asks,” Leah grumbled. “I know she is old and all that, but she always asks me if there is a chance I could be pregnant!” The captain continued, looking at the door as if making sure Dr. Smith wouldn’t hear her.

“I’ve told her I’m just into women like twelve times already,” Leah complained.

Leah wasn’t the chattiest person around, but mate —she could talk when she was annoyed at something.

“Don’t give the woman a hard time,” Kyra said, smiling at Leah. “It’s bureaucracy, they must keep records and stuff like that. Plus, you can’t just expect Dr. Smith to remember everybody’s sexuality. Not everyone in the team is gay.”

“The kid’s right for once,” Katie agreed.

“For once?” Kyra asked, noticing the teasing. “Shut up, McCabe.”

“You might have a point, Kyra,” Leah said, turning slightly to Y/n, who hadn’t said a word since the groups arrived at the waiting room. “Why are you so quiet, Y/n?”

“Maybe because I have nothing to say?” Y/n answered sharply, rolling her eyes.

“Someone’s in a mood,” Katie said.

“Shut up,” Y/n mumbled.

“Ouch!” The young girl exclaimed as she felt Leah pinching her arm. “Why would you do that?” Y/n snapped, looking at the captain and then at the sore skin on her arm.

“Don’t be rude,” Leah warned firmly using her captain's voice.

“I’m not being rude; you guys are just annoying to be around!”

“You guys? I haven’t done anything to you?” Kyra defended herself, a pout on her face.

Y/n hadn’t been in a mood when she woke up, but her day took a turn for worse when she received a notification on her phone from her period-tracking app.

Your period is a week late

She hadn’t realized it, being too caught up with training and school to notice how her menstrual cycle was irregular. Y/n wouldn’t have to worry about it if she had stuck to her rule —not having sex with boys — but it just happened.

Y/n wasn’t sure about her sexuality yet, but she knew she liked girls more than boys. Until last month, she had never kept any type of physical intimacy with a boy before, but it all changed when she met this nice boy from her school. He was a year old and just very kind to her.

The girl wouldn’t say she was attractive to him or anything, she actually didn’t want to have sex because she was horny, or any other reason teenagers normally have sex.

She just wanted to see if she would enjoy herself or not. If she was able to like boys or just girls.

Y/n was curious.

One thing led to another and when Y/n realized she and Chris had sex with the during a very cold Saturday afternoon. After they finished, well, he finished, Y/n put on her shirt and underwear, staring at the boy sleeping in her bed.

It felt wrong.

Not because he was rude to her or bad at sex, but because he just… wasn’t a girl.

“Hey, Chris,” Y/n poked the sleeping boy. “Mate, wake up.”

“Hm?” the boy mumbled, slightly opening her eyes. “What? Is it morning already?”

“What? No, of course not, it’s been just15 minutes since we—”

“Had sex?” The boy finished her sentence, a smirk displayed on his face.

“Well—Yeah! That’s why I need you to leave,” Y/n could see the smirk disappearing from the boy’s face, disappointment settling in.

“Leave? Like… back to my house?”

“Exactly.” Y/n left the bed, looking for her pants on the floor. Where were they? She could swear she had put it on her desk chair.

As Y/n looked around, she felt Chris’s eyes on her body. She didn’t like it.

“Did I do something wrong?” Chris finally asked, sitting straight on the bed, back against the headboard. “It was my first time too, but I hope I didn’t hurt you or anything.”

Y/n’s face soften. Maybe she was being a bit rude.

“No, Chris, it was alright, I just—I don’t think I really like…boys.” Y/n confessed, finally finding her pants under her bed.

“Oh.”

“Yeah mate, I’m sorry.”

Chris left the bed and began looking for his clothes, while Y/n stood there awkwardly. She shouldn’t feel awkward in her own house. When Chris was dressed and ready to go, Y/n led him to the front door.

“This could stay between us, right?” Y/n asked softly as she opened the door to the boy, the cold winter breeze meeting her face. She was just now realizing that Chris could very much tell anyone what they did.

Even the Media.

“I—I can’t have people knowing about this… the team and the contract—” Y/n continued.

Chris gave her a sad smile. “Don’t worry, Y/n. Let’s just pretend it never happened.”

After a clumsy goodbye, Chris left, and Y/n was finally alone again. She desperately needed a shower.

And that’s how Y/n realized she was going through a pregnancy scare.

Y/n didn’t feel different, she hadn’t had any weird cravings. She hasn’t gained or lost any weight. Surely, she wasn’t pregnant. She wasn’t on any birth control, but she had made sure Chris was wearing a condom.

They were both a bit clumsy, but they had remembered to check if the condom had a hole or not before Chris threw it away. At least they’d done one thing right.

So yeah, Y/n didn’t know why she was so nervous. She didn’t have any reason to be. She followed the Sex Education’s rules to the letter… but, what if something had gone wrong? Was she even ovulating that day? She couldn’t be sure.

Y/n began biting her nails. Her teammates could sense Y/n’s tension, but they didn’t want to make the younger girl angrier than she already was — although they were all very curious about the reason for her foul mood.

After what felt like centuries, Alessia appeared in the waiting room, having just left the gynaecologist’s office. The blonde exchanged a few words with the other girls before leaving. Now Y/n just had to wait — Dr. Smith would call one of them soon.

Within minutes, the girls heard Dr. Smith’s voice through the door. “Next!” The old lady called.

Y/n probably got up too quickly from her chair, because Leah, Katie and Kyra looked at her like she was crazy. “I’ve never seen you so excited to go see Dr. Smith before,” Kyra said.

“You almost took the chair with you,” Katie added suspiciously.

“I—I just want to be one of the firsts! The last time we had check-up day, I was the last one to go,” Y/n said defensively, taking small steps towards the office.

“You were the last one because you were terrified of going to the gynaecologist,” Leah said, raising an eyebrow. “I literally had to go in with you. “

Did the older girls really need to remember everything all the time?

“I’m just a changed woman now,” Y/n sighed. “You all might see me as some kid, but I’m almost 18 —things change.” The defensiveness in Y/n voice was unmatched, so Leah just let her go without pressing any further

“Something happened to her.”

That was the last thing Y/n could hear before entering Dr. Smith’s office.

..

 After completing the physical part of the exam, Dr. Smith sat across from Y/n at her desk, her notebook open on Y/n’s medical files. Y/n couldn’t pay attention to what the old woman was typing —she was too distracted by the sight in front of her: a replica of a uterus with a baby inside.

“Darling, I’m just going to go through the same questions as always, okay,” Dr. Smith said with a smile.

Y/n answered all the questions honestly. Yes, she had bad period cramps. No, she didn’t have migraines. Yes, it bothered her to play during her period. No, the training didn’t make the cramps go worse.

Everything was fine until Dr. Smith asked:

“During your last check, up you said you weren’t sexually active, right? How about now?”

Y/n blushed, staring at the doctor in front of her. Did she really have to go through this just to play professional football?

“Hm—So about that—yes,” Y/n fumbled over her words. She scratched the back of her head nervously.

Dr. Smith remained silent, waiting for Y/n to continue, but the young girl clamped her mouth shut, looking at the walls instead.

“Yes what, darling?” asked Dr. Smith. “This is a private space; you don’t need to be embarrassed.”

Private space? As if! Y/n thought, Dr. Smith had her whole hormonal history — and now sex life — written up in her file.

“I’ve had had sex since the last time we talked.” Y/n explained, no emotions on her face. She just needed to be direct.

“Would you be okay telling me if it was with a boy or a girl?” The poor woman was really trying to get Y/n to open up— Y/n had to give her that.

“Hm—” Y/n bit her nails. “Two months ago, I was with this girl. She was my first. And then last month, I had sex with this guy, but it was only once,” Y/n explained.

“So, you’ve had two sexual partners, correct?”

“Yes, but the girl was the only one who I slept with more than once.” Y/n was going to die of embarrassment, — she was sure of it.

“Alright darling, had you had any STI test after then?”

“Yes, everything’s fine.”

“Great! That’s great. What about your period? Have you noticed any changes in your cycle after having intercourse?” Dr. Smith questioned.

Y/n stared at the women. She had to tell her.

“Well, about that,” Y/n laughed nervously. “My period is kind of late, but it’s probably nothing, right? We used condoms, and not throwing up or anything, I just have to wait, don’t I?”

For a moment, all they could hear in the office were Y/n trainers tapping the floor.

“How late are you, Y/n?” Dr. Smith asked, a frown on her face.

“A week.”

“Hm,” Dr. Smith mumbled before getting up from her chair and opening a white cabinet. The older woman held a box with a baby printed on it and handed it to Y/n

Y/n started at the pregnancy test, not wanting to take it.

“We’ll have you doing this test, okay? Just go to the bathroom and pee on it. It will take 3 to 5 minutes to get the results.”

Y/n said nothing.

“You need to do it, Y/n, I know you are scared, but we can’t be sure why your period is late if you don’t take.”

Y/n took the pregnancy test, tears in her eyes.

Before Dr. Smith could say anything, Y/n was already bolting through the office door, straight to the bathroom. She heard Leah and Katie behind her. The older women were calling for her, asking what had happened, but Y/n didn’t look back.

When she got to the bathroom, she locked herself in one of the stalls, it wasn’t long before she heard the door open. Before Leah or Katie could say anything, Y/n was already crying.

Leah and Katie looked at each other, both very worried. They didn’t know what could have possibly happened back at the gynaecologist’s office, but they were sure it was bad by the way the young girl reacted.

“Hey babe, what’s wrong?” Leah asked softly. “Did something, why are you crying?”

“I’m an idiot,” Y/n answered, her hands shaking. “I’m such a fucking idiot.”

Katie and Leah shared an apprehensive look.

“And why do you say that kid? Leah questioned, trying to get the stall to open. “Come talk to us.”

Y/n was so distressed, she just wanted to get this test done over with.

“I—I had sex with this boy from my school,” Y/n confessed, tears running down her face. “I’m not even sure why, I know I don’t like boys, but I just wanted to be sure.”

“Okay, that okay, that’s completely normal,” Katie said. “It’s that why you are crying?”

Half the Arsenal team were lesbians. They’d been Y/n’s age once and knew how confusing it is to understand one’s sexuality.

“Did the boy do something to you, Y/n?” Leah asked, her voice angry. “If he did, we can find him and go to the police—”

“It’s not that,” Y/n said through tears. “My period is late, and Dr. Smith gave me a pregnancy test, but I’m just scared to take it.”

The bathroom was silent again.

“Did you use protection?” Leah asked, breaking the silence.

“Yes,” Y/n answered through the door.

“Okay, so the odds are in your favor, yeah, kid? Go take the test, and when you’re done, we’ll be right here with you.” Leah said.

“I’m sure it’s going to be negative, babe, don’t worry, take the test, and then we’ll figure stuff out.” The Irish women added.

That’s what Y/n did. She followed the instructions written on the box and just waited. She could see Katie’s and Leah’s shadows through the door opening. Who would have thought that shadows could be comforting?

A minute passed. Then two. And then five.

Just one bright pink line.

Not pregnant.

Y/n yanked the stall door open and threw her arms around Leah and Katie, who weren’t expecting the sudden embrace. The girl felt like she could finally breathe again, her heart slowing doing as her chest relaxed against Leah and Katie’s embrace.

“I’m not fucking pregnant,” Y/n said, hugging the women tight. “I might start crying again.”

“See, we were right, nothing to worry about,” Leah patted Y/n’s back

“I told you, no drama.” Katie said playfully. “Pregnancy tests are overrated anyway.”

After Y/n calmed down, the three women went back to the waiting room. Y/n had to go back inside the gynaecologist office to tell Dr. Smith she wasn’t pregnant after all. After a few minutes, Dr. Smith let Y/n go and told advised her to use birth control or IUD is she wanted to feel more protected against any potential pregnancy.

“Oh Dr. Smith, don’t worry, now I know I don’t even like boys,” Y/n said before leaving the room.

[kashimos-hajime]

—a man | s.r.

summary: "what we need, sweetheart, is a man."

pairing: suna rintarou x reader

a/n: for context, inarizaki is being placed in nishinomiya for the sake of this fic | part of the undateable series

masterlist

The lunch bell shrieks and the students all around give a grumble as they pour back into the class room. You’re in the midst of putting your lunch box away, but the question Mina, your near and dear friend, poses you has your face akin to a woman who’s got sliced lemons wedged into her cheeks. “No, no, I’m fine not dating anyone right now. Akio just dumped me—” you count on your fingers— “two, or, three? Weeks ago.”

“Ugh, but that was nothing. You don’t even care, so why not come with me?” she pleads, clasping her hands and leaning on your desk. “I promise, it’s not going to be bad. Just one date. A double date. That handsome boy from Kujirami we saw from the spring party asked me out to see a movie in Kobe, and it’ll be so lame if I have to go by myself. I’m sure he has a cute friend!”

“I guess?” Your voice, tinged with doubt, twangs when you wince and you search for an excuse, glancing around the room as casually as you can. The teacher's behind his desk, re-organizing his papers, and you agonize over the minutes he takes. Couldn’t he cut class conversation short, for once? “But I don’t want to transit to Kobe from Awaji on the weekend. It’s so much time, and I have to work. Maybe if it were afterschool?”

“Would Friday work?”

You try not to curse to Mina’s face. “Maybe… but it’s the end of the school week. I’d, y’know, wanna go home. And Thursday is like... we have homework. And stuff.” At your friend’s crestfallen expression, you quickly add, “I wouldn’t want to third-wheel your date anyway. If I’m there, and his friend’s there, we might end up talking to each other rather than our dates.” 

A pout flashes across her face. “If they can't keep us interested, then they’re not good enough for us. Didn't you say on your first date with Inoue-san, he didn't say a single word? And we know how that turned out."

“Well, don’t take a page out of my book. Every time I give a guy a chance, they’re just not…" You don't exactly want to linger on all your failures at the moment. "Well, just give him a chance, and don't look for the bad stuff. You know, sometimes first dates, the nerves get in the way.”

“Is that what you tell yourself, too? 'Cause if you have no luck, I can't imagine what I've got going for me. Ugh, I'm so sick of boys!" Mina shoots to her feet with a new, ferocious light in her stare as she flexes her arm, patting the bicep with a sharp smile. “What we need, sweetheart, is a man.”

“A man,” you snort, laughing. “As if those exist.”

“You never know.” The chair squeaks as Mina finds her seat again. Twisting around, she sends you a wink. “Think about it, won’t you?”

“I will,” you agree. Reaching down into your bag, you feel a shadow fall across your figure, and you crane your head up at the boy standing before you. Suna Rintarou is staring down at you as if you’re the one in his way, but you can't possibly be so, and he's most definitely in the wrong section of the classroom.

“Hey.” 

You only straighten up, withdrawing your English notebook and dusting off your desk quickly. “Hi.” Picking out your favourite pencil, you adjust the layout of your desk, and take a quick sip of water before realizing Suna’s still standing there, tapping on his phone, and you look at him again. “Can I help you?”

He withdraws something from his pocket—a cleanly folded piece of paper—but doesn’t even meet your gaze. A flicker of irritation licks at your stomach. “Osamu wanted to give this to you.”

“What is it?”

“From our volleyball meeting.”

“What’s that got to do with me?”

“He volunteered you to fill our manager spot since Shiri-san won’t be coming back this year. It’s the form.” 

Taking it, you open your mouth to ask another question but he’s already walking to the back of the class, and you frown, eyes trailing after the boy who sits down and pulls out his phone, already slouched over and half-hidden by the person sitting in front of him. Ridiculous.

With a huff, you face forward again. The paper crinkles as you see your name already written at the top in Osamu’s slanted writing, but the teacher is calling for the class’s attention (of course, now is when he decides that his paper stacks are straight enough), and the idea is pushed to the back of your head with a firm, resounding answer.

No way.

[bomberqueen17]

how it's going

yah well so. my winter of not being at the farm and instead having medical appointments is going about how you'd think, which is to say that i've run out of steam on making the medical appointments but do still have several to take care of.

i did manage to get my primary care physician to accept that i had an ADHD diagnosis (which last year she refused to help me get, but now that i have it, she's like ok cool great here's a referral for therapy). She's now prescribed me meds, and since I already tried the three major stimulant meds plus had prior (bad) experience with the one antidepressant they use, she prescribed me some weird anti-narcolepsy med that sometimes gets used. and i was supposed to start that two days ago but rite aid is still trying to get insurance approval. take a wild guess what kind of insurance i have!!

yeah united health isn't going to approve that one. so my avenues here might already be closed. but at least someone tried?

I have done a bit of sewing and a bit of exercise biking and a lot of snow shoveling (what a year). I got a mammogram and they called me right away and were like omg you gotta come back there was something weird there, and so i went back and they were like omg we gotta squash you SO flat to look at this, and i was like ow ow ow okay okay uncle and they were like yah we gotta ultrasound you this isn't good and i was like. if they have to cut my boobs off can i get robot ones???? (insert every emoji here in succession, the nine or whatever stages of grief is not enough to cover this)

and the ultrasound tech was like SO nice? and so gentle? and by then i'd been lotionless so long (you can't have lotion on your boobs before a mammogram! my dudes it is january i am a crocodile) that the water-based gel kind of stung? but it was okay and she made me wait and went and looked at the results with a doctor and came and took me aside and was like "Great news! It's nothing" and sent me home. which was like. so many ups and downs! what a wild ride! love this ending for me, this is actually the best possible ending ever.

Spent the entire next day in a vet waiting room because Chita had been peeing all over the basement. Verdict: not a UTI. But, she's got to start special kidney food. Have now spent an entire week trying to get the vet to give us the prescription we need in order to buy the stuff, somehow can't get this done, really don't know what the hell is happening.

So anyway now we just have puppy pads down in various corners of the basement, because Chita has Opinions about litterboxes that cannot be solved by simply having an array (five) of immaculate (Cat Attract(TM) litter-containing) boxes, because you see, she needs to pee NEXT TO a litter box according to some strange schedule, AS WELL AS in only SOME of them, and poo in others... Well at least it's all in the basement and she has not done this in any of the rooms where we actually live. But like. Gross dude.

In June Chita will be legally old enough to vote, though cats are not eligible to register alas, so I suppose we can just let her do what she wants since she probably knows best at this point.

Otherwise the only notable thing happening is the writing, at which i am making tremendous progress, so that's good. Therapist has been attempting to get me to form priorities and make to-do lists which is hilarious and I don't know how to convey to her that I am a feral goblin and Goals are not a thing I've ever historically managed to have, and I don't think she understands about novel-writing in particular (she was like oh you're making getting published a goal! and i'm like you don't understand how this industry works, this is a self-pub at best kind of economy and i will not be making money from this). But I am trying very hard to get a draft of this done as soon as I possibly can because I simply won't have time over the spring/summer/fall season, but I *might* have time to edit.

I've got eight chapters in the beta doc by now and having people read it and leave comments is absolutely working to keep me focused on it. <3 I can't convey enough how much that means. It is incredibly helpful. I never did make a discord or any way to discuss that so it's all gotta be in the comments but that is working for me for now. I have most of the plot hammered out and just have to like. Glue it together. So we shall see.

Except I keep letting myself get distracted doing backstory stuff so yesterday I wrote 2,999 words of literally just porn that is not in any way going to go into this novel, and i felt kind of bad about that but then I also wrote 3,914 words of action plot and cyborg dolphins (and mostly it is a guy passed over for a promotion trying to work around the incompetent they made into his manager, so like, relatable content but also with dolphins who can talk, so like, what's not to love) so I felt less bad about that.

I will include a snippet because I can.

A moment later, Mahina’s synthetic voice said “We did not find your convoy but other pod says ships that way.”  Tom nodded. “Yeah, I thought it might be too far,” he said.  “You know our range?” Mahina asked. Her vocabulary was very practical, but then, this was a major shipping lane. From the slightly greater height of the launch, he could see her better; she was large, an older female. The augmented dolphins lived longer, but she wouldn’t be old enough to remember before the treaties, he thought.  “I think so,” Tom said. “Mahina not so good at human number reckoning,” she said. “But if Ted know a pod’s range Mahina no need to try.” “Ted?” Tom said, startled into a laugh. “Is human name,” Mahina said. “It is,” Tom agreed. “Yes, I can be Ted.” “Ted,” Mahina said, with a decided affirmative whistle. The only way to add words to the brainwave-readers was for a fairly skilled human technician to do so, and one of them must at some point have been named Ted.

[ruruumin]

15 - underlying meaning

today was a warm and sunny day. the clouds were out of sight and the sun was beating down on your skin. it felt a little too perfect. you sat on the outside tables in front of magnolia, sipping on your drink while you and collei waited for nilou and aether to return with snacks. she was wearing a pretty, white lace sundress and birch-wood cardigan over it. cute and simple, the best way to describe collei and her radiant smile. 

she raises her hand towards you, speaking to you through sign language. 'has been a long time. you and aether have been busy.'

you wave her off with your hand, a sigh coming out of your throat. “yeah, i’m sorry about that. i’ve just been caught up with so much stuff that i’ve been losing track of time. i’ve been showing up to class later than i’d like, and on some days i just end up skipping entirely.”

she gives you a reassuring smile. 'i’m not disappointed. last week i've been finishing my lab. but that sounds bad. wanna talk?'

you stare down at your drink, pondering if its worth telling collei the truth. how would she react to your interaction with alhaitham? hey my ex-boyfriend who broke up with me over text, suddenly shows up at the same cafe as aether's date. and he proposed that we work together so they can get together. god, when you say it like that, it's awful.

you lock your jaw. she’s never met him, only heard about him in passing through aether and nilou. maybe she’d give you an unbiased point of view. you know aether has a strong disliking for the silver-haired man. nilou had classes with him before, thought he was just quiet, until she heard about what he did to you. collei could give you the most unbiased opinion out of everyone.

and despite this rationality, you aren’t sure. you don’t want to worry the rest of your friends. you don’t want to bring up your love life anymore than you did in the past. you still remember the night aether called you, the way your voice cracked and trembled as you sobbed uncontrollably, and how nilou and collei stood on the sidelines, unsure of what to do. they gave you the space you needed. you just don’t know if you want to go through that heartache again. let alone put your friends through it.

your thoughts were cut short when nilou approaches the table, smiling and waving to collei. “when is the last time we met up like this?” she asks, crunching on the crisp exterior of her taiyaki. the custard filling was warm and sweet. and she was thankful to have had the day off today because she couldn’t take eating another dessert filled with extra sugary strawberry fillings. 

both of them sat down at the table and you were quick to grab your snack. aether sat beside you while collei and nilou stayed close. 

“it must be tough having to help a certain someone with his suspiciously good love life.” her eyes trailed over to aether, who was absentmindedly sipping from his straw. he was pretending to daydream in a middle of a conversation.

“are you talking to me?” he replies, jokingly rubbing the inside of his ear with his pinky. “wow isn’t this matcha the best thing ever? so good, i can’t believe i didn’t try this sooner, (name) you should totally order this instead of your jasmine milk tea 75% sugar and less ice.”

“okay, you did not have to say my entire order out loud,” you roll your eyes. your reply causes him to pinch your thigh, a yelp coming out of your mouth before you slap his hand. 

“you’re such an ass!”

collei smiles, 'aether needs help, no? two months ago, he almost dated ayaka. he's been through many relationships. what makes kaveh so different?'

aether places his head down on the cool, glass table, mumbling, “well hes the only person i didnt have to help or save, so it just feels different having someone like you without you doing shit for them… or whatever.” 

“she can’t read your lips if you put your head down,” you say, pinching his ear, “i can’t quite hear you, want to speak up big boy?”

he straightens out his back, looking at you with a twitch in his eye, he speaks slower so collei could pick up on his words. “he’s the only person i didn’t help. so it feels different having someone care about you without them being in debt to you. it’s just… different.”

“besides, we should be questioning you instead. you should be the embarrassed one. if i saw my ex out in the wild i would have punched him square in the face. don’t tell me you got too swept up in his pretty looks to say anything rude?”

“oh yeah? how come you didn’t do it when you saw scaramouche? that guy treated you like shit when you first met and then he cozied up to you on my couch! my couch!”

“well he’s a changed man, if anything, i fixed him!”

“i don’t think having sex on my couch counts as therapy!”

“we did not have sex, only heavy make outs. and look whos talking, remember when you were in the backseat of my car with albedo?” 

nilou lets out a long, exhausted sigh. she forgot that everytime they go out together, she should expect a bit of bickering between you and aether. and while it may annoy or confuse other people outside of your group, she and collei know how charming it can be sometimes. she hasn’t seen a pair so close before. you and aether have some sort of freakish telepathic connection that lets you know what’s wrong with each other (if only this extended to arguments, the world would be at peace).

“don’t think i didn’t hear those face-sucking noises of yours! shame! shame on you!”

you gasp, “how dare you slutshame me!” 

“fuck you i hope when you order your jasmine milk tea 75% sugar with less ice they give you more ice and more sugar!” 

“now that’s going too far!”

collei taps on the glass table with her nail, knocking you and aether out of your petty banter. 'stop fighting, especially not in public. kaveh might see!' aether looked back at you before letting out a huff. you both roll your eyes while murmuring apologies under your throats, knowing well on the car ride back it’ll continue. the effort was enough to make collei clap in glee though.

so what happened between kaveh and aether? it sounds like it went well but i need the inside scoop.

“nothing really, i don’t think you missed much collei,” returning back to the topic at hand, you stir your drink with a straw. “they had their first ‘date’ at nilou’s cafe. they probably talked about how boring aether’s outfit was because he wasn’t wearing that yellow sweater vest. things were going well until…” 

nilou nudges your elbow, “he showed up.”

'he? you mean...' collei looks up at you with concern laced in her eyes, 'he did what?'

“more like said,” aether interrupts. “did he apologize about what he did to you last year? or should i be the one to beat his ass for you?”

'no fighting!' collei waves.

“look, he didn’t say anything, really.” you force a smile. “we just talked about school. caught up a little bit and that was it. besides, as much as i want him to apologize to me, i know that won’t happen. he’s not that type of person.”

“i don’t know (name)...” nilou presses her lips in a thin line.

collei pats your hand, giving you the same warm look she always had in her eyes. 'everything will be okay. we are here, if you need. don't worry.'

aether, on the other hand, doesn’t seem quite as convinced. his eyes were laser focused on the crinkling of your nose and the distant expression you had. he’s known you long enough to tell that the absent stirring was a sign there was something more. he doesn’t want to put you on the spot with collei and nilou, but he can’t help it. he feels as if there is something on between you and alhaitham that he doesn’t know about.

and the thought makes his stomach drop. 

you continue with the conversation as normal, laughing about how aether needs your help out of everyone for love. you talk about how disappointed you were not being able to see him dress up more. nilou is still chewing on the tail of her taiyaki while collei nods to your story.

aether is biting the inside of his cheek, listening as a good friend would. he needs to stay focus on the conversation. he shouldn’t think too hard about it. if you said it was just school, then it should be left like that. there is nothing going on between you and alhaitham.

and if there was… what would he do?

₊˚ ♡ masterlist | previous + next.

synopsis; when your friend aether calls for help in his budding crush on his senior kaveh, you're forced to confront your ex-boyfriend by means of playing cupid.

⤷ notes; hopefully the asl portion makes sense. there are specific words that are omitted and the structure of words is different (time + topic + comment).

⤷ taglist [pm to be added, 30/50]

@aixaingela @cherrybb-ily @lupicalbestwolf @arraxthatsonjah @state-of-grac3

@knighttimes @toastedfailure @tired-jaz @whipped-for-fictionals @noellesfactory

@alhaiko @sundays-prince @angel-of-requiem @jaguarthecat @vitanye

@tiramizuloz @luvvhaerin @gabirii @blvdmrcnry jayzioxx

@0lives10 @tamikahoshiko @cr4yolaas @milkuu333 @x-hihihi-x

@kangyeonie @hydration-is-for-weenies @sorcerersseestars @jiminscarmex @backgroundcharactera

[ray935sworld]

i physically NEED to know your opinions on a/b/o pedronzo

pls i need it like there is no tomorrow

-mango anon 🥭

Oh 🥭, my dear you are sending me down a spiral with this one. Funny enough I was actually thinking about a marcmarc ABO AU today 😂

Alright, first off, talking about designation. Right out of my guts, I'd say Omega Dani and Alpha Jorge. (Partially cause that's how the smut ABO scene sitting in my draft is written, ups). Just from their whole dynamic, it'd make sense to me. Dani being more calm and level headed while Jorge can be totally unhinged and easy goes over the top. Especially when it comes to Dani.

And I totally see Jorge trying to "court" Dani with his weird behavior. Cause that boy has no idea how to court an omega properly. Especially one that's older than him. So I'm putting his whole asshole behavior when they were teens as him trying to prove to an older omega that despite his age he is tough and can defend Dani. But that idiot kinda went over the top and made it look like he was fighting Dani himself rather than defending him, ups. Idiot Jorge.

And then he tried to prove himself to Dani on track. Like in his mind the omega only choses the best one so he is desprete to be the best even if it ends up with him fighting on track against Dani. And when he stepped up before him, oh Jorge was heartbroken. Definitely saw it as a set back and that he wasn't good enough yet.

Meanwhile Dani is kinda interested in Jorge but he is so not into that macho asshole imagine Jorge is pulling up.

Soooo maybe, let's say... A little break down from Jorge? Like he is trying SO HARD to get Dani to notice an like him but the more he tries the more Dani ends up hating him. So one day he is fed up. He is tired but he can't stop trying. Like he's alone and he's ready to throw away all attempts and never think of Dani again. Then he steps in the paddock and between all those 10000s of smells he immediately clocks Dani's and he's like. "Nevermind. I want that" and he's gone.

And it hunts him SO MUCH that when Dani once again ignores his attempts and wants to leave Jorge is like "No. Just fucking tell me what I have to do! I've been trying for years now. Please. Please, whatever it is, I promise I will be what you need. I'll be a good alpha. I'll be the perfect alpha for you. Just - Just let me try. I can protect you. I can defend you. I can - Please!" something like this. I imagine him angry in love if that makes sense. Like he is in love, he is soft and all, but he still has so much anger in his chest that it has covered his love up too much.

And Dani just stands there, staring at him. He stares at Jorge, not understand what is going on and then maybe he realizes that Jorge is not just the angry macho kid he thought he was. "Jorge [first time he called him by his first name if you care]... An omega doesn't need an alphas protection. We don't live in 1920s. An omega needs an alphas love"

And THAT RIGHT THERE is where Jorge understands he fucked up. So he either ends up googling or asking someone he trust. Probably an omega though. And he then starts trying to use the textbook courting way. He is polite, even though he feels really awkward. He uses all the knowledge he gathered about Dani in the years (do I think he has a small diary with all the things Dani mentioned to him/ in an interview that he likes? Yes. Yes I do.) to kinds wooh him. He buys him his favorite chocolate, flowers, a blanket, stuff like that. And then the first hoodie exchange (both had already stolen shirts from the other for the smell)

Okay now this is all still very very soft cause I think that's what's needed at first. Soooo let's spicy it up a little, shall we?

Heat or rut? So either unexpected rut with Jorge returning to his asshole tendencies and Dani being fed up and distance cause he doesn't know about the rut yet only to be found by a very desprete and begging Jorge (Dani is getting fucked into the next week after that) or unexpected heat?

Both are great BUT I think I'll go with the unexpected heat. Now what if Dani is being clingy with someone else? Maybe his teammate? Nicky Hayden? For the record this would be in a way that Dani feels sick and weak and very out of his own skin and Nicky had massive dad vibes. So nothing actually sexual. Maybe Dani is even a little bit scared cause he knows now that he and Jorge are dating, the heat will be even worst than the ones he spent alone. So either torture when he's alone or him in heat with Jorge when they hadn't really talked about the whole rut/heat thing (or for the drama, it's early in the relationship and they didn't had sex yet).

And when Jorge notices that Dani is hanging to Nicky he is kinda sad/ jealous even though he knows Nicky isn't after Dani. But still, that is his omega. He definitely hates that the Americans smell is on HIS Dani.

So once Jorge and Dani meet, it's even worst. Dani definitely can't think straight atp anymore and just straight up hangs on Jorge. Like full on, hugging his arm, forehead against his shoulder, begging him to go anywhere where they are alone. Jorge is fully concerns cause he has never seen Dani, strong, confident, cold like this. And once he understand what's going on ("Jorge... Please... Please, alpha... Said... You said you'd protect me. Please, save me. It's so hot.") OH THAT BOY IS STRESSED!

He is so scared to somehow fuck up, it's almost scary. He is taking Dani to his hotel room. (Dani by then is wearing the hoodie Jorge wore a minute ago. He was sitting on Jorge's lap during the taxi ride and Jorge was really thankful for the dark window to the driver. Heavy make out session with Dani's hand dangerous close to Jorge's pants.)

And as soon as the door is closed, the action begins. Im not gonna go into to many details cause I'm not that confident in my NSFW writing but Dani wants to ride Jorge just as hard as he rides his bike. He is screaming and wants more and more and comes more time than Jorge knew a human body was capable of. He is getting knotted and continues. (Sorry) Jorge is so in love and crazy he definitely bits Dani's shoulder. Maybe even the mating mark.

And then once the heat goes down, Jorge is slightly panicked cause he's unsure if Dani was even clear enough to actually give his concent to the whole thing. Meanwhile Dani is laying next to Jorge, really happy, still drunk on all the sex and more than happy to still have a reminder of that.

Okay now this kind of escalated. For the record I did NOT think about Pedrenzo in an ABO verse yet so if there are some things that don't add up/ make sense/ not properly thought through it's cause I made this whole thing up while writing in like 30mins.

Anyway, the other alternative would be Alpha Dani and Omega Jorge. Intresting as well. This would include a very in denial/ lying Jorge, that's trying to hide his designation from the world. So he's overly agressive in his teens to make people think he's an alpha and to keep them away from him so they don't find out the truth. His father definitely has something to do with that. And then there's alpha Dani, calm and trying not to draw to much attention on himself outside of the track. And they always seems to collide.

I'm thinking since Dani would not fit the typical alpha behavior, Jorge would call him out in one of his rages when Dani was trying to talk to him about his unsafe riding "I am NOT taking criticism from some small, weak freak. I don't care what a fake alpha like you think of me. You can't even fight properly" Now something about this hist Dani really hard cause while they subconsciously are connected and competable, both don't know yet. So hearing *his* omega call him fake, weak and especially small (biggest insecurity and so far Jorge was the only one not to throw this at him) this would definitely bring a scar he can't explain himself.

So what if Dani starts keeping his distance from Jorge and since Jorge is an omega this would cause him loss of anxiety and frustration cause he knows he shouldn't act the way he did towards *his* alpha.

Next point would be, idk how but somehow Dani ends up being stressed and sad and panicked. (Maybe a crash?) and he hides in a dark corner having a panic attack and Jorge ends up looking for him. Like he is already distressed and suddenly he smeels Dani having a panic attack and all the fights are forgotten. He is going to comfort Dani. Especially after what he said. So he does exactly does.

Jorge sits down next to him. "What do you want? Do you want to yell at me again and call me fake? Weak? Small? The useless pedrosa, can't even be a real alpha and-" And Jorge just hugs him. Dani accepts and Jorge leans against him, head against his chest and he apologizes and tells him the truth.

And after that Dani is slowly starting to court him. He shows Jorge love and they are happy. *possible unexpected rut/heat - but in this case actually preferably Dani being in rut to make Jorge fully understand how crazy Dani is about Dani*

Thoughts? Did you like it?

[lightofraye]

In Memoriam

Before I proceed, I want to put warnings--content/trigger warnings. In this post, there will be references to cancer (also, fuck cancer), death, biological processes, grief/loss.

When we think of cancer, when we speak of it, I've noticed often times the phrase "evil", "monster", or some other dark term is used. Because it seems to be such a merciless, cruel thing to happen to people. It seems to strike without reason, taking the best and worst of us, young or old....

Today marks 18 years since my mother passed away from cervical cancer. She didn't have to die, not really. In a way, she chose to.

You see, my mother had an intense mistrust of "mainstream" medicine. I'm not sure where it came from, honestly. It was... it was a slow conversion. She kept turning to alternative means to treat problems, mainly our day-to-day diet (lord, we went vegan, Atkins-like before Atkins was widely known anyway), and various other kinds to "cure" our ailments, never accepting that some things can't be fixed by diet alone!). Then she kind of went off the deep end....

When she learned she had serious fibroids, she decided to try different "healing" creams to balance out her hormones, convinced it'd "dissolve" the fibroids. When she began to have heavy, intense bleeding, she chalked it up to the fibroids and not other issues.

Such as an abnormal pap smear test result... that she never followed up on.

It'd continue for years.

She even turned to an alternative doctor who told her yes, he saw the fibroids... but he also saw some seriously bad stuff. This doctor told my mother to go see her ob-gyn and get this checked out.

She wouldn't... up until she collapsed from the heavy bleeding in a grocery store bathroom stall. She finally turned to mainstream medicine, got it checked, got the biopsy....

It was Stage 2 cervical cancer.

She was referred to an oncologist. He, of course, brought up chemo and radiation. She refused, wanting to try alternative treatments first. He accused her of having a death wish (I was there, I wish I was joking!). He basically burned that bridge with that approach.

I can't help but think that... if he had said "Okay, I'll work with you. How about we monitor the cancer as you try it for a couple of months? If there's no improvement, will you try chemo and radiation then?"

Maybe she would've accepted it. I don't know.

So she turned to "mistletoe extract" injections. For a little bit, it looked like it was working. She was doing better.

Then... she developed increasing pain in her right leg. The doctor who originally told her to go see her ob-gyn stressed to her it was likely her cancer growing and getting worse. She didn't listen.

Then... she had increasing pain. Increasing issues. She got thinner... paler. She was so stubborn. There's numerous trips to the ER where they just prescribed her pain killers and sent her on her way. It took a referral to a specialist (I can't remember what they handled, maybe a different oncologist?)... and the blunt message.

"You're terminal."

I wept. My mother... she was just resigned. She transferred to home hospice care. She didn't want to die in a strange building. So my elder brother and I--we were living with her at the time--took turns caring for her.

She stopped eating. Stopped drinking. She's put on IV fluids and a kind of controlled dilaudid treatment. One night... it's as if she's aware. Her mind was going. She said her final goodbyes.

Then it's just her shell, her body, for two and a half weeks, that lingers, stubbornly. I'm the only one who was there who witnessed her last passage, the "death throes".

February 8, 2007. Just a few weeks shy of my 27th birthday.

She never got to see me graduate from college. She never got to see me married.... or divorced. She never saw me become a mother. She never saw me become a survivor, a fighter. So many things.

I have her eyes, I'm told. A deep brown with a starburst iris. My son has those eyes too. I resemble her greatly, I'm told. I don't have her curly hair... or her thinner nose.

Instead, she gave me her creativity, her love of art and writing. She loved books and reading. She loved cats as well, which I definitely inherited.

She had a lot of regrets... and sorrows.

I don't know if there is an afterlife. My relationship with God (or the Divine or whatever you want to call it) is complicated, to say the least. If there is, I hope I see her... and have the conversations we never had but should've while she was alive.

I miss you, mom. So very much.

[milkteabies]

Haikyuu characters when (y/n) passes out bc of her period pt. 2

characters: Akaashi, Kuroo

pt.1

a/n: in the last one I rlly wanted to do akaashi, but it was already pretty long so here we are. same warnings of talking abt blood and passing out and period stuff so if that makes you uncomfortable, find something more for you dear!

a/n: also heads-up Kuroo’s part kinda gets a little heavy, like light argument bc he’s v concerned but trust me it has a cute ending y’all 😤😤 also sorry abt any typos, I sometimes can’t read

—————

Akaashi:

You had been looking forward to this day all week, well before you realized your period was coming and even further before you realized it was going to be a bad one. But regardless, you refused to let your period get in the way of spending time with your crush, Akaashi, on the cutest study date in the library. Well, it wasn’t a true “date” because you doubted Akaashi felt the same, but you’d take what you could get.

It was after school that the date was planned, so you were practically shaking in your seat in a mix of excitement and agony. You had attempted to take medication during lunch, but like usual, it didn’t do anything, so you just had to grin and bear it, but it was getting to you.

The pain made you nauseous, so you couldn’t eat, and because you couldn’t eat you got more nauseous, and on top of that, you took the medicine on a mostly empty stomach which just multiplied the nausea. It all just turned into a painful positive feedback loop that made you feel queasy and lightheaded and shaky.

But you’d handle it, like you’ve done plenty of times before. Besides, you would just be sitting and doing a little studying in a nice and quiet environment. Nothing could go wrong there, for sure. You were being delusional but that’s ok, you’d just blame it on the nausea.

So finally, the bell rings and you carefully pack up your bag. Standing slowly, practically white knuckling the desk from how your stomach twisted and lurched, you anxiously make your way to the library, hopeful to find a table before Akaashi can actually get there so he doesn’t have to witness your struggle to walk.

You manage to settle down at a round table a little ways into the library, in a more secluded and quiet nook that feels perfectly cozy when you see Akaashi turn the corner, just before you were going to text him.

“Hello, (l/n).” He greets, politely, a kind smile on his lips.

“Hi, Akaashi! I was just about to text you. How’d you find me?” You smile back, face flushing conveniently to cover your pallor.

He sets his bag down and sits down, taking out his books, “I saw you walking in and saw where you turned, so I followed.” He responds, looking up from his book to smile again before looking back down with a slight flush to his cheeks as well.

“Oh, well that’s convenient.” You mumble as you nod along, spiraling slightly at the fact he probably saw your stumbling around, before reaching down to your bag to also grab your books and start doing your work.

You two are relatively quiet, the sounds of pages turning and writing interrupted by occasional quiet chatter over homework problems and general questions about each other’s days. You bite your lip every once in a while and fist the fabric of your shirt to try and distract from the pain.

You’re whisper ranting about the amount of work your literature teacher gave you as you flip another page in your workbook and skim the questions on it, only to find that you need an entirely different book to actually answer the questions.

“I’m gonna drop out of school.” You mumble, hunching over to press your cheek into your book.

Akaashi chuckles, back of his hand covering the bottom of his face to hide his blush at your cute, squished face. “If you do that, who would I go to, to keep sane?” He jokes, smiling fondly down at you.

“More like the other way around. I’ll just break into campus and follow you around in the walls.” You sigh, leaning back up before slowly and carefully standing up, holding in a grimace at the uncomfortable feeling of blood.

“Where are you going?” Akaashi almost rushes, suddenly worried about your leaving.

You release a harrowing sigh as you step around your bag, “I have to go grab a completely different book. I’ll be back in a sec, if I’m not, assume I died.” You joke dryly before giggling and waving as you attempt to find the section with your book, heart fluttering at the chuckle that sounds behind you.

You make it to the section by alphabetical order and start searching for the author’s last name. Sadly, the book you needed was on a bottom shelf, so you crouch down very deliberately and riffle around for a minute before you get the actual book, stopping and fumbling when you’re hit with cramps.

Just wanting to get back to sitting with Akaashi, you stand far too quickly and feel everything immediately shift. You drop the book and stumble into the shelf, accidentally bumping a few more book down as your legs give out beneath you. Pressing a hand to your head, your eyes start to fog over, vision blurring as you feel your heart stutter in your chest.

“(Y/n)! What’s wrong?!” Akashi’s voice suddenly appears next to you, an arm around your back and another one grabbing onto your arm.

You feel your head spin and can barely mumble a, “Sorry,” before youre slumping right into his chest, entirely unconscious.

You don’t know how long you’d been unconscious for, but it couldn’t have been too long because the sun is still a few hours from setting. You barely manage to sit up before a pair of hands are suddenly worriedly holding onto you and a familiar voice rushes, “(y/n)!”

Startled, you yelp and grab onto Akashi’s wrist, pressing a hand to your chest to steady your speeding heart, “Oh my gosh, Akaashi, you scared me.” You wheeze, blinking up at him blearily.

“I’m sorry, but I was very worried. I had went to find you because you took a while to get back, and then I heard loud bangs. And I found you practically collapsed on the floor and you just fainted in my arms before you could say anything.” Akaashi rambles, one hand migrating to the small of your back while the other cups your cheek, staring into your eyes worriedly.

Holding the wrist of the hand holding your face, you smile tiredly up at him, leaning into his palm, “I’m sorry, Akaashi, I didn’t mean to worry you.” You mumble.

“What happened?” He murmurs, thumb stroking the apple of your cheek, blush flaring across his face from your smile.

“It’s my period.” You sigh, “It can get pretty heavy and the bleeding can really take it out of me. It’ll sometimes get so bad that I’ll get so light headed that I just pass out. It’s never happened at school before, so I really am lucky you found me.” You explain, eyes closed, feeling the weight of your exhaustion.

Akaashi can hardly respond, he’s so horrified. “That’s… terrible. Why have you never told me before? I could’ve helped you, in any way you needed.” He murmurs, leaning closer in concern, practically resting your foreheads together.

You can feel the blood rush to your face at the display, quickly leaning back and pulling Akaashi’s hand away to cover your face, “Ah, it’s really not a big deal! I’ve dealt with this a long time now, and I’m capable of handling it on my own. I wouldn’t want to bother y-“ you stumble out, looking anywhere other than Akaashi’s face, unaware of his growing displeasure.

A hand pressed against your mouth stops you and you can only blink up at Akaashi questioningly. He looks away embarrassedly, to gather his thoughts, a grimace scrunching his brows.

“How could you think to say that? You could never be a bother to me… I love you, (y/n).” He sighs, head tilted adoringly.

You let out a muffled squeal at the admission, face practically on fire as you stare at him widely. “You love me?! For real?!” You yelp, mouth still behind Akaashi’s hand but it does little to hide the smile pulling at your lips.

“Ever since I met you.” He murmurs, eyes shining when you wrap your arms around his neck and press your face to his chest, giggling. He wraps his arm around your waist in turn and can’t help but press a kiss to the side of your head, heart thrumming with affection.

Kuroo:

You were just so tired. Your cramps had been ramping up all day, and between each class without fail, you had to change your pad because there was just too much blood. You wanted to go home, but you had to go to your club after school.

Even if you didn’t stay the whole meeting, because they weren’t strict about time, you just had to check in for a few minutes and they’d understand your having to leave. Nodding in assurance of your plan, you shamble slowly about the rest of your classes.

In your classroom, waiting for your math teacher to enter, you feel like you’re going to throw up from how your organs feel like sandpaper grinding against each other. Putting your head into your arms on the desk, you breathe harrowed sighs.

You hardly move when a hand suddenly rests on your shoulder, only raising your head with lumbering motions to see Kenma bent at your side. “What’s up?” You blink up at him.

“Just wanted to make sure you were still breathing. You looked like you were wasting away over here.” He jokes quietly, standing back up to lean against your desk.

“I am still alive, sadly. You aren’t rid of me yet.” You murmur, resting your forehead against Kenma’s arm tiredly.

He huffs in amusement before patting the back of your head, “You barely look it.”

“Cut me some slack, alright? I wanna go home, but I still have to go to my club after school.” You whine, pouting at him.

“Gross, don’t look at me like that.” He grumbles, crossing his arms and walking back to his seat as you snicker at him when the teacher finally walks in.

Mind hazing in and out of focus, you do you best to take notes and remain engaged, but class is over before you even realize it and you sigh in relief that you can go home so soon. Slowly packing your notes away, you again blink up at Kenma who appears at your side once more.

“I’ll walk you to your club, ok? I can’t have you dying before it’s none of my business.” He offers, hands stuffed in his pockets.

Rolling your eyes, you stand slowly and shoulder your bag, “You just don’t want to go to volleyball. And I don’t want Kuroo coming to yell at me when you show up late.” You huff.

“Ah, you caught me. Doubt he’d actually yell at you though, probably just try his dumb chemistry pickup lines.” He states dryly, walking with you regardless, “I’ll walk you to the stairs, at least.”

“Yeah yeah, like that’d happen. Thanks, Kenma.” You giggle, loosely holding onto the edge of his sleeve.

It only takes a few minutes to reach the stairs, but in that time most of the school is empty, with only the students in clubs or sports staying behind for their designated activities.

“Alright, alright, go to your club now, or else I’m gonna get yelled at.” You quickly wave Kenma off, shoving against his arms to push him into action.

He groans and grumbles before waving and walking off with moseying steps. You watch him walk, making sure he actually goes, before carefully attempting to walk up the steps.

Barely half way up, your vision abruptly spins and you stumble into the hand rail. Crouching to sit on the step, still holding onto the rail, you press a hand over your eyes at the sudden pounding in your head. Your hearing starts buzzing when casual footsteps echo down the hall. Looking up, Kuroo comes into view, an easy smile on his lips that immediately turns to worry when he sees you.

“Kuroo..?” You mumble before you slump against the wall, unaware of the concerned shout that leaves him and his rushed steps towards you.

You are no longer on the stairs when you wake up again, but in the nurse’s office, curled up on a bed in the corner. You don’t get up for a minute, continuing to face a wall before you sigh and heave yourself to sitting.

“Be careful kitten, you’ll get lightheaded again if you sit up too fast.” Kuroo’s voice rumbles from behind you, a hand grabbing onto your left shoulder as he leans over your right, hand planted next to your legs.

“Oh, hi Kuroo.” You sigh, rubbing at your eyes blearily. “… oh gosh, did I pass out right in front of you?” You turn quickly, yelping when you realize how close your faces are, but the hand on your shoulder stops you from scooting away.

His eyes search your rapidly burning face, an uncharacteristic frown on his lips before he rests his head against yours, eyes closed. “I was so worried, you know. I came to see if Kenma was skipping practice with you, but all I find is you, alone, passing out on the stairs. I kind of thought you died.” He chuckles dryly, gently squeezing your shoulder as he burrows his face into your hair, breathing deeply.

“…Sorry.” You murmur, turning slightly to rest a hand against his chest, feeling his heart practically beat into your palm. “Kenma had like, just left when you found me. I don’t know how you didn’t see him.. maybe he hid when he saw you coming so you wouldn’t yell at him.” You joke, stilling when Kuroo squeezes you tighter, face pressed into your neck.

“So if I hadn’t found you, who knows if anyone else would have?” His voice is muffled, but you shiver at the feeling of his breath on your skin.

You shuffle around awkwardly in your spot, “Well, I’m sure someone would’ve found me, coming from club or something. But I probably would’ve woken up on my own.”

“And what after that? Just leave and not tell anyone what happened?!” He demands, fisting the sheet of the bed.

“W-well, yeah. I could probably make it home fine.”

Apparently that was the wrong answer, because Kuroo shoots up from his previously hunched position, grabbing both of your shoulders tightly, brows creased and frowning.

“What if you passed out again while walking home, what then?!”

“I’d probably call my parents?!”

“And what if they’re busy?!”

“I’d just walk home?!??”

Frustrated, Kuroo lets your arms go, stepping away to turn around, hand on his hip and pinching the bridge of his nose. Sitting awkwardly, you turn so that you’re finally facing him, hesitantly resting a hand against his back.

“It really isn’t that big of a deal, Kuroo, I would’ve been fine regardless, one way or another.” You attempt to comfort, but jump when he spins to face you abruptly, catching your wrist before you can draw it back.

He’s huffing as he stares into your eyes deeply, you stare back, wide eyed.

“Passing out in the middle of the street would not be ‘fine’, it could get you hurt. You could hit your head and what then? I learn through Kenma you refused to rely on anyone and end up in the hospital?”

“I think you’re being a little dramatic, Kuroo.” You wave off.

“I don’t think you’re being dramatic enough! Do you even know why you passed out?!” He urges, shaking your arm.

Sighing, you relent, “It’s just my period Kuroo. It’s not that serious-”

“That’s not normal for a period!”

“Don’t you think I know that?!” You huff.

Kuroo sighs, placing his hands on either side of your hips and hanging his head, making you splutter around the hair suddenly in your face.

“Please, let me walk you home. I’ll throw myself into traffic if I find out you passed out on the side of the road.” Kuroo practically begs, pressing his chest to yours, leaning most of his weight on you like a sand bag.

“Agh, Kuroo, fine! Get off or you’re gonna crush me!” You whine, almost falling flat on the bed if it weren’t for his arms that slip around your waist to hold you up, chuckling against your ear.

You can feel the sound rumble against your chest.

—————

a/n: it took me a minute to actually write this bc I kept losing ideas, but I think it turned out cute regardless. again, let me know what you think and if you have any cute ideas :D

[avissapiens]

Himbull summer: What happened to January

So, you may have noticed that January came and went without a single HBS post. Being honest i’d say it the major source of that complication came from the most obvious source.

The internship i’ve been doing has been really draining, and frankly unenjoyable in a lot of dimensions. As a result I really and truly could not himbo under those conditions and I ended up just fully not being able to keep it in mind as much as I wanted. Even my HBS time tables which at the very least would sometimes add a bit of himbo colouring to my life, did eventually fall to the wayside as the monotonous, tedious, and frankly pointless work i was doing left me pretty mentally sapped at the end of the day.

Despite this state of affairs, it’s not to say that i totally flopped on all of the tasks. On the contrary actually. A few of them have moved from challenges to simply being things I do at this point, formed habits. The supplementation task and the physical work task(even though the work was pretty unfulfilling), are both ones which I think have had some pretty mindless adherence to them. Even as the supplementation task has grown. Currently we’re sitting at 

Triple strength Fish oil 2/day

 Ashwaghanda 2/day

Men’s Multivitamin 1/day

Carnatine Tartarate 4 serves/day

L-citruline+L-argenine 2/preworkout

Creatine

Sunflower lecithin

Bromelain

Popstar labs

And you can kinda infer what those last 3 are for based on my passing mention’s in the last updates of my new boy-girl girl-boy bunnybabe doll etc etc other cutesy shit. 

That’s been a fun source of himbull energy as well during this slump as they are VERY supportive of me inhabiting that role. It’s really amazing how impactful it can be on the psyche to have someone just constantly reinforcing it for you…well i suppose not that amazing considering it is the basis of my content and why yall are here.

But the biggest boon is definitely going to be throwing this internship in the trash and being able to use the last 3 weeks of feb to relax, re-center and really ramp up the himbull drive before school starts back.

I’ve already thrown myself into it in two ways Firstly I’ve gone down so many sizes since the start of this all, but the more intimate parts of my wardrobe haven’t exactly caught up. So i’ve gone ahead and bought a bunch of Aussiebum stuff a size tighter than is comfy because I’m mid cut and I wanna compensate. And for a while it’ll be a fun sensation of pressure.

Secondly  I’ve revamped my training and made long term plans for the year ahead generally. But the first phase of that is integrating additional leg days to try and develop them to the next level. I’ve always had good legs, but I think one of the biggest Himbo/Bull overlaps is the hyperdeveloped round, juicy wide sweep kinda legs combo’d with a crazy ass. Whether that crazyness be from ultra lean striation or mouthwatering bubbliness. So for 10 weeks that’s gonna be the focus of my training. Even tho i’m definitely not eating enough on a cut to make the best use of it. I defo intend to show off that progress on my IG. 

SO going forward I’m going to recommit to the challenge for the rest of February AND into March which is the beginning of my semester. And i’m going to reduce and combine the two into one.

From the Bull plan I’m gonna take Grow the Abyss and the social media task. These two have really been the most easily actionable and beneficial tasks. They push me out of my comfort zone, they force me to create AND they have a visible and quick return on investment. The supplementation task isn’t even a challenge now, and the Himbull loop is amazing and great but may just be best sparingly. Also not super interesting to write about. From the Himbo plan i’ll take Himbo-fy your aesthetic and Change and love it. I think these ones are again, more actionable. And I finally do have some clear ideas for how to hit them. It’s just unfortunate they’re both kinda money based.

So that’s where we’re at with HBS. I think even this stumble represents an improvement from last year’s experiment. Because rather than simply wanting to be done after 8 weeks, I want to keep going with parts. Some parts have already been absorbed into my being. I feel so much better with it this year too. I’m hotter, hornier, happier. So let's keep at it.

[its-aftg]

book narrative leads us to think that yes, she knew and accepted it was Riko. Hang with me here, there's a lot to unpack in not a lot of words. Speculation of the text is mine, take my interpretation or don't :) I maybe, defintely, ran away with this because in the end it has to do with two of my favs <3

Let's go in chronological order!

(side note: there is a lot of pharmacology talk in here lol i'm so sorry. i maybe work somewhere in this area lol)

TFC pg 262-

Andrew tapping his phone against his thigh feels just so telling to me. He knows this isn't what it seems like and that thought process coming out in this motion. I just like this :)

I really need mythology Tumblr on this one, I feel like the club/bar being named Bacchus is really important here but this is not my Roman Empire. Breifly - God of wine fertility estacy and banquet, (Dionysus in Greece), created madness, ...he symbolizes the cycle of life - can i argue that Seth is Bacchus and that his death is exactly what he represents? Him dying means the Foxes come together, the Foxes will be 'reborn' into something that they weren't before all because Seth is no longer there and they will continue the cycle. (he had a lot of followers which we can see when there's talk of other friends/notes/teachers when they get back to the court after his death, Seth may have been unlikable to half the Foxes but he was liked by others in his life).

Andrew warned Seth that he was going to off himself via OD - I find the phrasing here interesting because i get the impression that he wasn't doing it to throw in his face but more a srtraightforward observation. How many other things did Andrew try to tell Seth? ("not that he ever listened to me")

If most has been out of his system for years does that mean he hadn't OD'd in the time that the Monsters were on the team? This is only their second year there... if he's only on antidepressants now I really want to know what class lol Alcohol can mess with them (SSRI, SNRI, or MAOI - MAOI has the most risk associated) but other than MAOI would usually just make depression/anxiety worse. MAOI are super 'dangerous' in general and not first or second line treatment, usually only prescribed when other treatment fails and the benefit outweighs the risk, i would argue that no competant MD would prescribe a MAOI to him due to history of drug and alochol use - and potential suicidal thoughts pre-Allison. You don't want to drink on a MAOI, period. If you do you can skyrocket your BP (you also shouldn't eat aged cheese, soy sauce, smoked meats, smoked fish, pickled stuff, etc etc etc, the list is long lol) and not for just the same day you take a MAOI but for like 2 weeks you're not supposed to do these things! High bloodpressure = chest pain, headaches, vomiting, confusion, heart attack, stroke, etc. So this to me means he's on a MAOI (not likely imo) or he took something else. (willingly or not)

(side thought is i don't know how much nora knows about pharmacology and if any of this is actually based in real life or if this is just kinda made up for the story, see some points later to why this is confusing.)

TFC pg 264-

Andrew is like 1000% confident Seth wasn't suicidal. From what we know of Andrew this wouldn't be some half-thought. Did Seth never need to go to Eden's with them because he wasn't actually addicted and it wasn't actually a problem (like Matt or Aaron)? The only problem was the posibility of accidentally dying while using and drinking. Did Andrew equate his using similar to their usage of cracker dust? (the reason, not the potential outcome)

Seth is "Andrew's least favorite fox" (TRK pg 3) and yet he is SO sure of this.

His reg meds plus alochol are probably not giving him this no thinking or feeling, I think these days we all think opiates instead, but maybe some benzodiazapines (maybe at the time a barbituate but i think by this point xanax had become pretty commonly prescribed?) Benzos plus alcohol have an extremely high risk of fatality and honestly where i would put my HC behind... (optiates were around then but honestly not near as popular as they are now for abuse and i think it's less likely that he would have been prescribed an opiate if the main reason he's on meds is depression. see below why i say he was prescribed...)

TFC pg 264 -

They weren't on the outs, Seth ONLY takes 'his pills' when they are.

The phrasing is weird and why I keep coming back to these thoughts. 'His pills' to me means his prescribed meds. I would rule out MAOI since you're taking those as maintenance meds, which makes me think he's on something for breakthrough in addition to his regular non-MAOI anti-depression med. Which as I said above really makes me go to something like xanax. now obviously it could be anything, any CNS depressant with alcohol (another CNS depressant) can have not good outcomes....or a made up drug for this fictional book series lol

I've been around a lot of people who used rx meds (not their own) and party drugs (and the really hard stuff too) for several decades, i don't think a single person has referred to them as 'their pills'. which is maybe why this stands out to me so much.

bby Neil is so in denial after watching Allison check Seth with several witnesses, still just assuming he had taken his. (like did you think he was ooping them? is ooping still the term these days?)

Andrews points are of course super solid here. Riko had to be stragtegic in who he took out, 3 strikers, 2 goalies, 3 backliners, 2 dealers. He had to take out a striker or a backliner and only a striker and a dealer were out that night. Seth was also one with a known drug issue which would make him the easier target over Allison.

TRK pg 23 -

I've said it 1000 times on my blog, but seth dying is what it took for the foxes to win. Him being gone means the monsters and the upper classmen don't have to pick sides anymore, they get to try to merge together at least a little bit.

and with Neil being on both sides.... HE turns into the uniting force because of Seth. Because if Seth had stayed they may never unite, because even though he wanted them to do well so bad he was too unagreeble.

TRK pg 54 -

Just a scene that is refrenced in a later screenshot :)

I like to think he said something like "Don't let him have died for nothing." or "Fuck them up." :D

TKM pg 110 --

(he's got the perfect court number at this point, and just told Riko off in an interview post-game. this is where the cars are destroyed.)

I love that Allison knows he's not sorry and she also doesn't want him to be. Allison needs him to fight against Riko/Ravens bullshittery, because that IS Neil. And he doesn't fight then Seth's death was worthless.

Neil not wanting the fight to come back on them is the funniest shit lol Like the fight hasn't been coming back to the team since day one.

Nothing else they can do will break Allison because she's already lost the most important things - the Reynolds Empire and now Seth. She knows they can't take another teammate cus then they can't play and Riko needs them to be able to play. She's already been the most hurt she can be.

TKM pg 112 -

It really is so right of Aaron to call Neil out here. Becasuse while he may have initially thought that no one would get caught up in his bullshit we've had two whole books to see that's not how this works. Was it a mean way to say it, yes lol

Neil wanting to defend himself but knowing he can't because it is true really makes me think about how we see the AFTG world. Neil says he's sorry, but he's not because he would do it again and again, he thinks what he did is right (i mean me too lol) but he also doesn't just know how to say like shit's gonna happen and it sucks yall will suffer for it but i think it's the right thing to do....

I'm just here for Allison slapping Aaron. Like yes, Neil's mouth caused Seth's death, but Allison is having none of this shit (next part has them actually talking about this). She already KNOWS how Seth's death came about but still needs Neil to be Neil - and Aaron isn't gonna go around putting her mans name in his mouth when it's convienent.

TKM pg 124 --

She in no way has thought that Seth did it to himself since like within 4 days after it happens (we don't know the day of the funeral because Neil never tells us lol thanks. They all split up Sunday when Matt and Andrew got in a fight and don't see each other again until that Wednesday) Maybe initially? But even then I think she knew in her heart that he was clean and he wasn't going to do anything. Better murdered than taken out by himself....

Andrew intentionally having stopped by to ask questions and then share his theory? A class shit. Love this for us. I know he's just trying to make sure the team can play so he can keep all these promises he's made and make sure Neil is still around because at the time he was just interesting but maybe not heart eyes yet...and he knows they need Allison. She also doesn't have a reason to NOT believe Andrew.

I don't know if i think Allison blames Neil, maybe a little bit. Maybe it was hard to look at him and know that he was the catalyst to Seth dying. From Neil's perspective it's hard for me to know.

He acknowledges that she forgave him at some point but neither of them ever talked about it. Even thought Neil here says that he should have said something sooner, Allison also didn't bring it up. It seems that internally she forgave him and then just kept on living life, expecting Neil to be the mouthy asshole he is, and that the foxes would continue to have his back.

The we noticed is so funny, like this bro snuck off to Evermore for weeks, got tortured, came back with a perfect court tat, ripped Riko another asshole in an interview, and yet literally cannot talk to the people he's closest with about important things. like yes, no big deal....

TLDR - Allison knew within a few days that Riko was the cause of Seth's death because of Andrew and accepted this as truth.

(can i tell you how much i don't like not knowing WHAT Seth OD'd on specifically. drives me crazy!!!)

I'm sure this has been said before but do y'all ever wonder if Allison knows? I mean, Seth was clean and had been for a while, and she checked that he didn't have drugs on him, but it wouldn't have been hard for him to slip something by her. do you think she wonders if it really was riko after all? Did she miss the signs? Were there signs to miss? Do you think she lies awake at night flipping that coin in her head.....

[frenchublog]

[egophiliac]

happy new year Ego!!! Just wanted to let you know that I absolutely adore your twst fanart and the tags are just an absolute pleasure to read! You are my greatest inspiration for my personal twst art and I just wanted to thank you for your wonderful masterpieces <333 if possible, may I ask what are some of your headcanons for the diasomnia family? If not for diasomnia then any other characters are fine as well!

thank you, and happy new year! 💚💜💚 that is amazing to hear; it's always a little bewildering but super flattering that other people like my silly little doodles so much!

I don't think I really have any really solid headcanons and also canon keeps validating me left and right (FLUFFY DOMESTIC DIAFAM IS REAL). mostly just kind of...impressions and general thoughts, if that makes sense! lately though I've been kind of obsessed with thinking about Lilia's hair, and specifically when/why he ended up cutting it. (l-look, we're bouncing around the timeline and I gotta make decisions about these things when I draw, it's relevant) (I mean I would probably be weirdly fixated on this anyway, but.)

I think I've settled on the idea that he kept it long until he went to NRC, partly because 1) I like drawing The Ponytail, and 2) I think he thought of NRC as a chance to reinvent himself a bit! he gets to go and be a wacky carefree teenager for a few years and have fun! (officially he's there to keep an eye on Son #1, but how much trouble could he get into, really.) so he gave himself a Cool Teen Haircut to go with his fresh new Cool Teen Persona!

also maybe he had some reflection on his hair's troubled past with three kids...

...and had to weigh his vanity versus the fact that he was going off to be around hundreds of kids on a daily basis, and. the choice suddenly seemed obvious.