#and look into the experiences of other people with that identity
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Being black and Aromantic is an experience. When I came out through social media my family felt the need to drill me with questions about my past romantic relationships and why now all a sudden, I’d chosen to go by Aro. I remember talks of bandwagons, even though I can count the number of aro-spec black people I’ve met on one hand with like three fingers. In church when my oldest sister led the prayer, she alluded to how younger kids had so many demons they had to fight, and I instantly knew what she meant. Subsequently, my being Aro had become a thing to pray off and use as a talking point in Sunday school rather than being discussed on a deeper and serious level with just myself. But when we did speak about it the conversations felt like an interrogation. It always felt like black culture couldn’t align much with Aromanticism, especially cause growing up I was taught that marriage was the end goal and that’s what I should want but I don’t think marriage was in my plans. I would dream of having dogs and living alone in a big house instead of having a romantic partner. For me being Aro and black is an interesting intersection because romance is very much portrayed in black narratives in both good and bad ways, but it’s never talked about in the capacity to which I experience alloromanticism. Alloromanticism is never ‘the decline of romantic attraction’ or ‘the strong romantic attraction to people only when I know them just as well as I know myself’. With my demiromantic identity people don’t understand the difference it has from regular attraction . My attraction is fluid so in the case of when I feel more Demi I’m glued to one person and one person only for a really long time. Attraction like that is what I wish was shown on TV and not just packaged as someone who's got an obsession and needs to get over someone. They could be Demiromantic. A thing I love about being Aro-spec is how comfortable it feels. Like I don’t feel this overwhelming need to perform. If my partner knows I’m on the Aro-spec they know it’s best not to try to force romantic gestures or even be offended by my lack of attraction at times. ... How come black women just can’t experience attraction a bit differently from how everyone says we should. So many black and brown men and women probably have to repress the way they feel and run the risk of being the bad guy because no one would understand or want to navigate the ways in which they experience Aromanticism. They bottle it up and when things go wrong probably find it easier to just blame themselves for not being enough or their partner when really, they just have to look into themselves and their orientation. I think black women could feel more assertive in themselves if they realized that they can be Aromantic and not pushed into this box where they have to play a role they don’t want to play. Black women deserve to explore romantic orientations as well as sexual ones and have a deep dive into how they feel. And that should be respected. To black Aromantic people I say keep pushing the odds, keep daring to form a new mold for black kids to come because we’re drowned in content and media that tells us we’re overly sexualized and romanticized and that can change with us. Our families and friends may not understand, the world may not even understand, but as long as you get who you are that’s honestly all that matters. As a collective we can help each other learn and grow, we can push each other in our advocacy and know it’s not a competition. All our efforts should be us trying to get Aromanticism to be taken as seriously as any other orientation.
Being Aroflux and Black by Kimberly Butler (@/TheAsexualGoddess) on AUREA (2021)
#black aromantics#black aromantic#black aro#black aroace#aroace#aroallo#black aromanticism#aromantic#arospec#aroflux#aromanticism#2020s#aro week
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𝒮𝒜𝒟 𝒢𝐼𝑅𝐿𝒮
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i do not use this term fondly.
the self obsession of being a ‘sad girl’ - and that such an identity requires an upkeep that is consumerist in nature … even consuming of other’s feelings and experiences. internalizing them so that u can deepen ur sadness. so u can wear ur depression. so u look like a girl who listens to these artists.
i chose Fiona, Mitski, and Lana to be the ‘faces’ of supposed sad girl music. i see their vulnerability get commodified in a way other artists are not. although, being an artist seems to imply commodity.
regardless … i don’t really think these artists are even similar in their works. but the thing they do have in common? a tropical scorpio ascendant, sidereal libra ascendant. each in different nakshatras.
Fiona Apple is a chitra ascendant. Mitski is a swati ascendant. Lana Del Rey is a vishakha ascendant.
chitra “the star of opprotunity” is ruled by mars, symbolized by the bright jewel or pearl, associated with the tigress.
swati “the star of independence” is ruled by rahu, symbolized by the bamboo shoot, associated with the buffalo bull.
vishakha “the star of purpose” is ruled by jupiter, symbolized by the arch or trident, associated with the tiger.
being that they are all libra risings, they are all of course ruled by venus. with fiona’s chart lord being her tenth house ashlesha venus, mitski’s being her twelfth house uttara phal venus, and lana’s being her seventh house bharani venus.
and i think it shows in how they communicate.
for example, lana always has a touch of optimism or delusion in her works and i think it’s due to her asc nak being ruled by jupiter. some examples are “happiness is a butterfly”, “hope is a dangerous thing for a woman like me to have - but i have it” - i think her venus being placed in the seventh shows the manifestation of this delusion. so much of her work is centered on her partner … centering on accommodating them.
fiona has a martian flare that i adore. her sadness is so sombre … like a warrior entering battle or like something within that must be conquered on her own. it’s not necessarily an optimism as much as it feels like an obligation or duty. such as “sullen girl”, “fetch the boltcutters”. she can also be a bit angry at times - but anyways, i think the venus in the tenth shows this feeling duty … like she’s climbing out. clawing for the light.
mitski … she almost seems to accept? like it’s a dry truth or a bitter pill to swallow. and i feel like this is definitely the twelfth house effect. loss is a significant theme for her as well - “i bet on losing dogs” is the perfect example! she knows she losing, but she says: “i know they're losing and i’ll pay for my place by the ring / where i’ll be looking in their eyes when they're down.”
all such different ways of expressing their pain and sorrow, but all so beautiful to me. so seeing their art getting reduced to sad girl playlists … it helps me understand why fiona and mitski tend to disappear how they do.
anyways … just my take on these sidereal libra girls and their “sad girl music” - which is only one aspect of them. i think projecting constant misery and discontentment on people is actually bonkers but u know … i respect artists so yeah.
#astrology#astro observations#astro community#astro notes#hoodreader#vedic#lana del rey#lana del ray aka lizzy grant#fiona apple#mitski#elizabeth grant
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gerard way transed my gender
this is essentially just one big ramble about how music as a whole shapes how i experience myself and the world (but with a focus on mcr and gerard)
Addressing the "title", I guess he simultaneously did, and did not, and did the opposite of such. I was well aware of my gender identity before I became an MCR fan (in fact, I discovered them because of hearing "Mama" in the background of trans TikToks), but I've found that, despite this, their music shapes how I view my identity.
Music holds something extremely unique; it has the power to convey things auditorily, through sounds, through volume, through pitch, through tone. They can be things you simply can't put into words that become something you feel on such a deep level and connect with so strongly.
Music has better helped me understand my gender by giving me another sense to describe it with. While I love and relate to MCR as a whole, there are certain sounds, certain songs, that describe my identity in a way that no words or writing could ever explain. They paint a beautiful picture that nothing else could.
When I hear music, I feel things within myself. I see art and colours and shapes in my mind. There is something so intrinsically human about music. I don't study music theory, or label what genres I like, because I feel like music can't be broken down and categorised, and that so directly translates to the wild mess that is gender. You can't use something tangible to describe something that is not, but two things that you have no way to explain? Those can correlate and explain each other so beautifully.
There's also something about the way that musicians manage to capture something visual with their music. I think a lot of people would understand when I say that Danger Days sounds like pop art, that Hesitant Alien sounds like chromatic aberration, that The Rise and Fall of Ziggy Stardust and the Spiders from Mars takes me back to an era in which I wasn't even close to existing, that songs off The Normal Album like "2econd 2ight 2eer" sound like spirographs and kaleidoscopes, that "Joyriding" sounds exactly how the numbness of my depressive episodes feel.
Music is essentially a xenogender to me, but with something auditory that my brain then turns into something visual.
As I'm writing this, I'm realising this sounds like I have synaesthesia, but I'm not diagnosed so I can't really speak on that. I'm not diagnosed with anything, actually. Maybe I should be. Who knows. My psychologist kinda sucks. Anyway.
So obviously, there's the music itself. But there's also the people behind it.
There's something that so indescribably describes my experience of gender through aesthetics and presentation. There is something I can connect with on such a deep level when I see Will Wood, Bowie, members of MCR or Queen. In layman's terms it's gender envy, but if you ponder on it, it's something so much deeper. What makes me look at an ensemble, a colour scheme, a single accessory, or even a person, that makes me feel like I'm looking into myself and seeing who I want to be?
And then, there's how their ability to express themselves impacts your understanding of yourself. Here's where the focus on Gerard starts.
I'm simply queer, but to explain myself better I say I'm nonbinary and transmasc. Note how I don't align with binary gender, in a world that mandates it. I was very feminine when I was younger, and when I accepted that I was trans I was so desperate to feel more masculine that I denied everything feminine about myself. Now, I'm kind of just letting myself exist. And it all started with Gerard.
Picture this. It's 2023, and over the past year you've been getting into a band. You've enjoyed the music, but never really ventured into the fandom or learning more about the people behind the music. When you do, you not only discover that the band you thought was broken up is not only back together, but that they performed in your city just a few months before. So, you look up photos and videos of the concert.
That band is My Chemical Romance, and at that concert their frontman was in a skirt and heels. This intrigues you, so you look into the band more.
The Secretary. Cheerard. Party Poison. Hell, even Catgirl Gerard.
That was me, what feels like insanely long ago. I fell in love with the band fully, not just for their music and their messaging, but for the people---the members and the fans. I stumbled upon a group of people rejecting society and being themselves. And I learnt that, fuck presentation, I'm still me.
Seeing MCR as Killjoys, seeing Gerard during the reunion tour... it all had such an impact on me. I can wear skirts and makeup and things that make me feel feminine---the antithesis of what I am in so many ways---and still feel like I'm being true to myself. Music is what unlocked those doors for me.
When I heard Hesitant Alien for the first time, I saw myself in it in a way I hadn't seen myself in music since I discovered Bowie. There was something so dreamy, so hallucinogenic, so out of this world, that described me so perfectly. That I could hear the music, see the visuals, look inside myself, and go, "yeah, that's me".
MCR has helped me embrace more than just femininity, though. I hated having curly hair, but Ray showed me I could love it. I was raised to be against unnatural altering of one's appearance, but Frank's piercings and tattoos showed me what an art form it can be. The "gender" of clothing was so tied to my ability to see myself as masculine, until Gerard showed me I could just be myself and have fun with my appearance, and that I didn't need labels or to restrict myself. I felt like femininity and masculinity could never coexist, until I saw Mikey rocking a balance of the two.
Music is so intrinsically human, describing us in ways that words never could. And I think that's beautiful.
#el loves music#el rambles#el rants#mcr#my chemical romance#nonbinary#transgender#ftm#trans#queer#lgbtq#music#spotify#gerard way#ray toro#mikey way#my chem#michael romance#frank iero#cheerard#hesitant alien#danger days#tbp#ibymbybmyl#tcfsr#save for later#frnkiero#lola hesitant alien#secretary gerard
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yuu is EXTREMELY undocumented immigrant coded
For starters, they’re not just similar to undocumented immigrants. They’re best comparable to undocumented immigrant children. When their parents bring them across the border, there’s usually an unknown possibility of returning. They don’t have a say in whether they come along, that decision is made for them without their knowledge. All they know is “this is for their greater good”.
Now compare that to Yuu’s entry to twst. They literally don’t remember anything other than entering the world via horse-drawn hearse. They wake up in a coffin, symbolizing the death of their previous life and the start of a new one in TWST. They weren’t even aware of their transmigration until the deed was done. Upon transmigrating, they were told to make a choice and stick to it for everyone’s sake, not being given an out.
They’ve been transmigrated with literally nothing of use. They don’t have a valid ID nor currency. Their world is inaccessible. They are told “it is up to you to find a way back.” And the job they’re given to support themselves while they search for a way home? Custodian, one of the occupations most often associated with immigrant workers.
People are anchored to their new countries in different ways. That tends to be via each other. If someone marries a citizen, they have a pathway to obtaining citizenship, and someone has an anchor if they have a child during their stay. In Yuu’s situation, they’re anchored by Grim. Grim and Yuu both attend NRC as one student. They don’t have the means to attend individually, and Yuu has the risk of being cast out onto the streets if they don’t cooperate.
Speaking of cooperating, Yuu has more obligations than “attend NRC” and “find your way back” (supposed to be Crowley’s task but yk what he does). They are often tasked with things that are not their responsibility. Things like investigating/dismantling attempts at sport event sabotage, blackmail, overblots, that’s not supposed to be their priority. But if they don’t do that, they risk going without room and board, literal homelessness and no chance of finding a way back.
This is similar to another experience migrant children go through: having to support their families in order to remain afloat. Often times this includes translating documents with elementary levels of the language they're learning or working alongside their parents to bring food to the table. They have no other choice, these are things that must be done in order to survive.
Imma go into another tangent that is a bit of theory crafting but honestly really worth delving into:
There’s also the problem of whether they can even go back home. Asylum-seeking immigrants and those with similar situations don’t always have a place to go back to in their home country. Their countries are not safe anymore; they wouldn’t have left if they had the ability to form a safe and stable life in their homeland. However, children aren’t always aware of that. They are taken to the destination country without the possibility of return. How does Yuu know they’ll be able to go back to their world? They’re in the same situation: they made the journey, but their return is unknown. It could’ve been a one-way ticket to TWST, leaving them stranded and with a new objective: establish an actual identity or find a way to become a citizen from square one.
On a final note, this is another reason why I love their friendship with Ace and Deuce, especially after book four. Those two received ONE ping from their friend indicating they were in danger and dropped EVERYTHING to help them. They know better than everyone how hard Yuu has it and went out of their way to make sure they were safe and sound. They look after Yuu time after time just as Yuu gets them out of dicey situations.
#twisted wonderland#twst#twst yuu#twst yuu analysis#twst analysis#this is also lowkey projection but like dude cmon THEY'RE LITERALLY THE SAME#now before you say “but crowley's the one who's looking for a way back” NO HE'S NOT#he hasn't presented anything that could even HINT at that#all of the leads yuu has are ones they themselves found#mickey was someone YUU found#the ghost camera was something crowley gave them but YUU was the one who used it to prove transdimentional communication was possible#anyways imma sift thru several lines of dialogue to see if any of the staff are as concerned for yuu's wellbeing as i hope they are#monilerambleski
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No, not really. I just really, really like girls.
<But you have banged transwomen before.>
So? They're ladies too. You saying the ladies aren't ladies, grandpa?
<Ninja Brian is not saying that banging transwomen makes you gay. But.....>
Uh... where are going with this?
<...had you ever heard of the term gynesexual?>
...no?
<How can Ninja Brian describe this... Gynesexual is the attraction to feminine primary and secondary sexual traits, regardless of the gender of the individual.>
Sooo you're saying that if I saw a dude with moobs or a dude with a slender frame, I could get a boner? Last time I checked, I don't spring amazing wood the moment I watch ice skating or see some guy's moobs.
<Yeah this definition isn't working with the scenario present. Ok, Ninja Brian is no psychologist, but from his history with you, you tend to gravitate towards people and things that have this sort of feminine aura. Yonic structures, objects that look like breasts, even subtle curves are enough to set you off. You have always seen structures like that as a manifestation of the woman within it and you always imagine the full woman.>
<In other words, you like women so much that it transcends beyond gender identity and even humanity itself.>
<...At least that's what Ninja Brian thinks.>
.....does that make me bi?
<Do you like dudes?>
Nope. Don't swing that way.
...then what am I supposed to be?
<Danny Sexbang. World's Most Amazing Lover.>
.....ohhhhh! I get it now! Sexuality isn't a label that determines whether or not you like dudes or chicks, it's whatever gives you the boner!
And sometimes its not as easy as "I like dudes" or "I like chicks", it's just as multifaceted and complex as the individual themselves!
<Now you're getting it.>
Hell yeah I am!
I AM DANNY Y. SEXBANG! WORLD'S MOST AMAZING LOVER!
AND I FUCKING LOVE AAAAAALL THE LADIES! AND I DO MEAN AAAAAAALL THE LADIES!
WHETHER ITS PHYSICAL, SPIRITUAL, METAPHORICAL, OR SYMBOLIC, I'M TAPPING THAT ASS!
<Ninja Brian thinks that was pretty unnecessary.>
I beg to differ. Man... it feels soooo freeing to actually have a word for what I like. It's like a whole new world of possibilities has opened itself for me!
<That could be the testosterone talking.>
Yeah, and?
I'm a hotblooded American man, and this hot body of mine is telling me to go out to the club and start exploring this new aspect of my sexuality!
Imagine all the kinds of pussy I would be pounding! Imagine all the kinds of genitalia I would be playing with! I would get more experience with lady wangs! Maybe there's some kinds of genitalia that I've never seen before! The possibilities are endless and I'm getting hard just thinking about it!
Look out world, here I come!
do you keep on questioning if youre gay or bi?
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Aromanticism in Academia 2025
For aromantic spectrum awareness week this year I wanted to update my post from last year about academic sources on aromanticism. Some of this is repeated from last year's list, but I've also added in some new books and articles that I've read since last February!
DISCLAIMER BEFORE THE LIST: Due to the lack of discussion of aromanticism specifically in academia, most of what I’ve found are texts that are primarily about asexuality but also discuss aromanticism. It’s unfortunate, but it is also where we’re kind of at right now in terms of academia, so bear that in mind.
Books:
Ace Voices: What it means to be asexual, aromantic, demi, or grey-ace by Eris Young - Definitely has the most focus on aromanticism of everything that I’ve read so far, this book draws from a combination of the author’s personal experiences and interviews with other members of the a-spec community, including aroace and alloaro people. A good source of discussion of aro issues and how they interact with things like gender stereotypes. Also notable for its discussion of QPRs, a topic which I find has generally been ignored in academia about a-spec identities.
Ace: What Asexuality reveals about desire, society, and the meaning of sex by Angela Chen - Primarily deals with asexuality, as the title suggests, but also contains some relevant discussions of aromanticism, including the experiences of aroallo people. If you’re going to check out the book, I would especially recommending looking at chapter 7: Romance, Reconsidered, which features most of the discussion of aromanticism and non-normative relationships
Refusing Compulsory Sexuality: A Black Asexual Lens on our Sex-Obsessed Culture by Sherronda J Brown - Again, asexuality is the main focus here, but I would still recommend checking out this book as it does still contain some useful discussion of aromanticism, particularly an extended critique of “singlism” (i.e. discrimination of single people) and how it is weaponised against aros. I also find Brown’s criticism of the dehumanisation of aromanticism in media to be very compelling!
Minimizing Marriage: Marriage, Morality, and the Law - I would be remiss not to mention Brake’s work here. While Minimizing Marriage is not specificallly about aromanticism and deals with marriage reform and the concept of amatonormativity more broadly, I think it’s fair to say that many of Brake’s ideas (particularly her coining of amatonormativity as a term) have become vital to the aro community and aro activism in recent years. Definitely a must-read for anyone interested in deconstructing amatonormativity and in contemporary critiques of marriage as an institution, though it’s worth noting that this is a work of moral/political philosophy first and foremost, and as such it gets very into the weeds of things.
Ending the Pursuit: Asexuality, Aromanticism and Agender Identity by Michael Paramo - An absolutely fantastic book by Michael Paramo, editor of aspec literary journal AZE magazine, that combines history, personal memoir, and analysis. Unique so far in that, as the title suggests, it has a pretty equal focus on asexuality and aromanticism. It was easily one of my favourite books I read last year, and does some truly monumental work in trying to trace a-spec history back to the Victorian times, as well as discussing the intersections between amatonormativity and colonialism. I haven't seen a lot of people talking about this one compared to other a-spec books, and I really encourage everyone to check it out!
Academic Articles/Essays:
“Why didn’t you tell me that I love you?”: Asexuality, Polymorphous Perversity, and the Liberation of the Cinematic Clown by Andrew Grossman - A really interesting and engaging analysis of the archetype of the silent film clown, and how it can be read as an a-spec figure. While Grossman uses the language of asexuality, his analysis makes it clear that he is looking at the clown as both an asexual AND aromantic character. Published in Asexualities: Feminist and Queer Perspectives.
On the Racialization of Asexuality by Ianna Hawkins Owen - A personal favourite of mine. I think many parts of this essay will be very relevant to aromantic people, particularly Owen’s investigation of how romantic love came to be pedastalised and her critique of attempts to normalise asexuality by distancing it from aromanticism. Available on academia.edu here. Published in Asexualities: Feminist and Queer Perspectives
Mismeasures of Asexual Desires by Jacinthe Flore - A critique of the pathologisation of asexuality that also discusses how aromanticism challenges common discourses around intimate relationships. Published in Asexualities: Feminist and Queer Perspectives
Sexuality, romantic orientation, and masculinity: Men as underrepresented in asexual and aromantic communities by Hannah Tessler and Canton Winer - Hannah Tessler has published a lot of really great research on aromanticism, and this paper discusses the role of narratives around sex and romance in constructing gender. If you aren't able to access the paper, @the-agent-of-blight has written up a summary of key points here
The stability of singlehood: Limitations of the relationship status paradigm and a new theoretical framework for reimagining singlehood by Hannah Tessler - Discusses how experiences of certain groups (including aromantic people) challenge the typical construction of singlehood. If you aren't able to access the paper, @the-agent-of-blight has written up a summary of key points here
Aromanticism, asexuality, and relationship (non-)formation: How a-spec singles challenge romantic norms and reimagine family life by Hannah Tessler - Discusses existing norms around the nuclear family and monogamy, and how these norms are challenged by the experiences of a-spec people. If you aren't able to access the paper, @the-agent-of-blight has written up a summary of key points here
The abject single: exploring the gendered experience of singleness in Britain by Ai-Ling Lai, Ming Lim, and Matthew Higgins - While this article doesn't directly discuss aromanticism (perhaps understandable considering it was written in 2015), many of the ideas discussed here will be particularly relevant to aro people. A lot of the points made are similar to those that had already been made by Brake and have since been made by writers like Chen and Brown, but this article links them to the ideas of academics like Judith Butler in a really interesting way, and the interviews on the experiences of single people are fascinating!
Still, Nothing: Mammy and Black Asexual Possibility by Ianna Hawkins Owen - While this essay focuses on asexuality and uses the language of asexuality, I think much of Owen's analysis is also relevant from an aromantic perspective. Another really interesting and valuable read for those who want to read about a-spec identity from a more intersectional perspective. Available from academia.edu here
If anyone knows of any other academic writing on aromanticism, please feel free to add them in a reblog! It would be great to use this week as an opportunity to pool educational resources
#asaw#asaw 2025#aromantic spectrum awareness week#aro#aromantic#aro shtuff#ifer rambles#really hoping i can make this an annual thing now!
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I think i might be aromantic but i crave romantic relationships alot! Its hard for me to get actualy crushes and i mix up platonic and romantic feelings rly easily!!! If you have advice on how to find an identity that suits me, please do tell! Thank you!
theres nothing wrong with wanting a romantic relationship! as someone who is aroace and is also happily in a relationship, the only real 'requirement' for being aromantic is not feeling romantic attraction. but there are categories of aros that never feel romantic attraction, some that feel it but only sometimes, there are some that cant tell the difference between platonic and romantic, some that dont feel attraction at all but still want to have a relationship for whatever reason anyway, etc and so on. people are complex and the only way to find if a certain identity or label is right for you is to research them, think about yourself, and find which ones make you feel the most comfortable or describe you best! that said, these sort of labels are not a requirement either. if nothing seems to fit you best, you can simply use an umbrella term or no labels at all! but if you really truly want one to call your own, that is going to require some exploration of yourself.
#this is the sort of thing that no one can just tell you the answer to#if you are curious about a certain identity i suggest you research it#and look into the experiences of other people with that identity#and if you dont feel like it fits then theres nothing wrong with continuing your search#try on a few labels and see which ones feel best#or#like i said#you dont need them at all either#up to you!#i wish you luck#the doc is in#important#aromantic
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I feel like I should say since there's been a recent uptick in a lot of communities I'm in/see stuff from a lot of white people pretending to be Asian, but you are not welcome here if you are in anyway stealing from Asian cultures for clout or the aesthetics of it
This includes if you're white and you give your self inserts Asian names, I truly do not care if your f/o is from an anime, you should not be using an Asian name under any circumstances. I hate that whenever I see someone using an Asian name online, I feel like I have to start searching their account to see if they're actually Asian or just a white person who likes the aesthetic of it bcs far too many white people will use Asian names here just bcs it sounds cool, with no regard for the actual cultural meaning behind it. Meanwhile actual Asian people will be mocked for their names, or treated like their names are too hard to learn to pronounce, or discriminated against based on their names
Asian cultures are not a fun little costume for people to dress up with. They aren't just a nice aesthetic, they aren't just a thing you can borrow from bcs you think it sounds cool
#my posts#selfship community#anti asian racism#like it's definitely a perpetual problem of white people not seeming to realize asian names are like#a thing that are tied to culture and identity#but it's gotten crazy lately with people pretending to be asian online for clout#just in the past like 3 weeks of things i've seen#we had the white woman pretending to be a japanese woman on comic twitter#the white woman who pretended to be korean to get a 'ownvoices' book published#(who btw. named herself kim chi. you cannot make this shit up)#and then the white guy pretending to be japanese to try to justify his hate of the new assassin's creed game using stuff around yasuke#like it's so draining. i hate how much this is a never ending problem#i hate how casually white people will use asian names#like worstie. i am a korean woman. but i am whitepassing and mixed so i never use korean names for my self inserts#bcs i have the privilege of looking white and people generally only knowing i'm asian if i say it#it feels inappropriate to me for me to name my self inserts a korean name#bcs that would then mean they experience the world in a different way than i do#even being whitepassing bcs of the way people treat korean (and other asian) names#if you are white you have no fucking right to asian names#idgaf if your f/o's an anime character. stay away from asian names bcs they are not yours to dress up in#vent a little bit sorry team#i've been dealing with white people doing this shit and being assholes to me about it for well over a year now. it's exhausting
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mascot
#this isnt vent dw!!! i dont smoke either i was just kinda going for some sort of vibe#i know its usually played for laughs or like. dark humor whenever ppl draw mascots without their heads and u can see the actor#but i always found it fascinating and a little sobering. ever since i was a kid ive always been hyperaware of ppl in costumes#like. even if i tried to block it out id be thinking the whole time 'its not real. theres a person in that suit who gets paid to do this'#it used to be an uncomfortable nagging feeling but now its like. oh yeah theres someone with a whole life story doing this. idk#i think when i tell ppl im not conscious of my body its like. im not dysphoric or experience dissociation but. at the same time#it feels like my physical body doesnt fully outwardly represent me..?? like some sort of costume#i like to phrase it as being a giant hairless mecha and inside theres a very tiny puppy piloting the damn thing#and the other thing is. when i draw my sona i dont really see it as what i /wish/ i looked like or how i want people to see me#its like being in a costume and just. fucking around with some sort of barrier between myself and others#plus mascots arent allowed to talk and i dont really. engage with other ppl in public spaces that it kinda feels like ad lib#i share a lot abt my life but ironically im also a private person..... i guess it just gives me some sort of control over my identity#my art#myart#my oc#sona#mascot#furry#??? is this furry art????#twinkle#puppysona#edit: had to outline it bc i just realized it looks really weird on dark mode -_-
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White dungeon meshi fans sound like this to me:
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/1fa282edec0a903a1cb1744bd3634878/8eb3389e346afc9f-0e/s540x810/f42a922fadba21a08533bddc263bb741cf4ff315.jpg)
It's extremely fascinating and frightening to me how hateful some of you people are towards shuro, a man who is clearly depicted as japanese, (a man who could look like me or literally any member of my family in real life) for being a normal, complex, and flawed human being.
Why do you single him out for getting frustrated with and mad at laios when chilchuck and marcille do the same literally all the time? What's the difference between them and shuro?
Why do you feel the unnecessary need to protect these white women from a japanese man?
Do you expect that this japanese man is inherently going to have some kind of ugly negative quality that has not been once hinted at canonically? Do you know what that's called? Because i do and it's fucking racism.
You people get scared the moment a character that is a person of color isnt a quiet little model minority or a sweet mammy archetype. You grasp at your pearls the moment they are revealed to have complex personalities and histories; when they feel negative, big emotions that are literally part of the human experience. Or god forbid, when they show romantic interest in a pure, helpless, little white woman.
And when a person of color stops behaving good and docile the way you want, when they decide that theyre not going to put up with a situation that makes them uncomfortable or miserable or RIGHTEOUSLY FURIOUS, they become the bad guy. As seen countless times in the medias demonizing depiction of the Black Lives Matter protests and even of black people who get punished for just living their lives. It happens so often i shouldnt have to reiterate it to you but it somehow keeps flying over your head.
And when that dirty, conniving, perverted, slant eyed, buck toothed, stumpy little japanese man understandably snaps at the white person you guys are projecting onto and all you see is this:
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/328ff48cf0755e0a07972bb31c6d4707/8eb3389e346afc9f-66/s540x810/340a8a010d04290d46fcc2fe532b5747ef8b6e0c.jpg)
So dont be surprised when i say that id rather kill myself than entrust the safety of my oldest aunts and uncles or my youngest cousins with any of you who act like this. Im terrified of what could have happened if people like you worked at the facility that my great grandmother lived out her final years in. Would you have seen her as a wild animal that needed to be subdued too when she had one of her many dementia-induced violent episode?
I will not apologize for saying that i find it deeply disconcerting to see so many of you happily posting hateful vitriol or even about committing acts of violence against a man that looks like me, solely because he was experiencing his humanity
#like especially after all the shit east asians but especially chinese people had to put up with after covid started#anyway listen to poc voices to stop being so fucking annoying#GO AHEAD LOOK AT MY YELLOW JAP FACE AND GIVE YOUR MADE UP JUSTIFICATIONS ILL EAT YOUR FUCKING EYEBALLS#ALSO WHITE FARCILLE WARRIORS: HE IS NOT GETTING IN THE WAY OF YOUR YURI SHIP#YOU BITCHES SOUND LIKE 2010s FUJOSHI HATING ON FEMALE CHARACTERS FOR GETTING IN THE WAY OF YOUR YAOI#BUT WITH MISOGYNY REPLACED WITH XENOPHOBIA AND RACISM#this is absolutely about how some of u fuckers treat kabru too btw#here i come bitches its the one thing that scares you more than a jap#ITS A JAP WHOS FUCKING MEAN#initially when i saw shuro i was like ooooh cutie! but then when i found out how tone deaf and racist some of you people are???#he immediately became my favorite character#like how asian diaspora kids at school form friend groups even when we dont share an ethnic identity#bc we understand each others experience better than any white friend we make will#shuro dungeon meshi#laios touden#falin touden#toshiro nakamoto#dungeon meshi#delicious in dungeon
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Hiiii I saw you say you have Notes on your Remus and Janus designs 👀👀?
Could we see/hear some tidbits?
FOR SURE !! Here's what the original doodles for their designs look like, first off, (I know you didn't ask for Virgil but I did these three at the same time)
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/e3685349656cb32a704c341e89fb866a/4be237b450fd927b-7d/s540x810/e94f99fbc92687a335f50c8eff2c2e0ce046b7b0.jpg)
When I drew this I had just finished an exam and had to wait another hour until I could leave the classroom, so I wrote down enough notes that I had to flip the page instead:
Virgil:
- Virgil has light brown hair that he dyes black (badly). It is essential that the dye job look like shit. It looks artificial, his roots are showing, there's patches where the color didn't take, etc etc.
- He also has blue eyes, which I decided on mostly because it makes it even more clear that his hair isn't naturally black.
- He wears earrings, but his ears aren't actually pierced — they're fake little little clip-on things.
- He wears black nail polish at all times, but it's always chipped because he gets the cheapest stuff he can get his hands on.
- His hair (especially his bangs) get very long at times because he gets too socially anxious to go to the hairdresser. Back in middle school, he used to have Janus cut them for him (Remus could have done a better job but trusting him with scissors would have been a mistake). Now he mostly cuts it off by himself — it looks about as good as his dye job.
- Virgil's purple hoodie is a leftover from Remus' fashion design endeavors that Remus thought didn't look weird enough.
Janus:
- He has naturally strawberry blonde hair. The length is very important to him — he started growing it towards the end of middle school. (He allows Remus to experiment with hairdos sometimes as long as he doesn't cut anything off. I need to draw that sometime)
- I'm not entirely settled on his eye color. I know at least one of his eyes is a very pretty brown, but I have half a mind to give him a yellow glass eye for his left side — I'm not sure it'd make any logistic sense for his situation, though
- He got his ears actually pierced when he was 16.
- He also may or may not have a forked tongue. Not sure how I'd ever be able to show that off — but if he does have one, then Remus definitely was the one to encourage him to do it.
- His fashion style was definitely influenced by being around Remus (who may have used him as a mannequin/dummy because he's small.) so much. Remus also attempted to make clothes for him, but Janus is very fancy and picky, so he doesn't wear those clothes very often (though he might accessorize with stuff Remus made for him occasionally).
Remus:
- He has naturally very dark hair. He uses temporary/surface level dyes a lot, but if he's using permanent or semi-permanent dyes, he's usually limiting himself to the grey streak — it's kind of a sample strand, since it's already bleached. He 100% copied his hairstyle from Roman's.
- He (and Roman, of course) has greenish blue eyes.
- Janus paid for him to get his ears (and eyebrows) professionally pierced because otherwise he was just going to do it himself with a sewing needle.
- He has a lot of very shitty stick-and-poke tattoos he made/makes on himself. They're almost always hidden by his outfits.
- Speaking of which, Remus makes most of his outfits costumes himself. The quality of the work may vary, but they are always way too over-the-top for casual wear, because he stands out anyway, so... in for a penny, right. (As I said in the tags of a post: he is very creative and has no shame or social anxiety at all, so he had his whole aesthetic ("overdramatic green") figured out by the time he was 13)
- He also has SH scars, but, again — they're hidden by his outfits 99% of the time. He's a slut who never shows an inch of skin
#ask#idrawgaystffs#rant#sanders sides#lbau#traditional#drawing#their design go in order of intensity Remus → Janus → Virgil#virgil likes to express himself but is too chicken to do anything too extreme so he's limited to softcore emo#janus is definitely fancier than most but he wears stuff i still definitely see every day at my uni#(i see people wearing corsets regularly at my uni idk what other people's experiences are. English litt major in a non-English country...)#(for those who don't know that's a gay as fuck major)#and then Remus looks like he's in the middle of a stage production every single day. with makeup to match#OH this is somewhat of a college AU ! Roman is also there and Remus' class does costumes for Roman's occasionally#Roman does theater and Remus does visual arts (design major/fashion minor bc there was no fashion major)#Janus and Patton are philosophy majors and of course Virgil is a psychology major#and then we have Logan in biochemical ingeneering for obvious reasons.#i have so much lore sorry for rambling .#anyway they keep a lot of their original designs because it just fits them#BUT i needed to include virgil having a shitty hairdo/dye and etc because he is. SUCH a try-hard in my mind.#emo sure. but he looks wannabe emo. it's Essential. he's fake ! he wants to fit in! with the gay kids sure but he still wants to fit in!#it's very clear that his hair is dyed because it's very clear that he is a wannabe. it is so important to me.#also the tidbit about him not being able to go to the hairdresser. is ALSO SO IMPORTANT. he pretends the shitty hairstyle is intentional.#even his signature hoddie is someone else's leftovers. He Borrows. From A Lot Of Places. but he doesnt have a real identity of his own yet.#you wouldnt guess while reading these tags but im actually way more passionate avout Janus and Remus than i am about virgil#it's just that i project onto virgil so so so much .#anyway SORRY FOR THE RAMBLE AGAIN. I KEEP DOING THAT#do i character tag this. i dont feel like feel like character tagging this#OH AND thank you so much for asking !!! as you can tell i really like talking . about them
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A lot of folks in the trans community are terrified of being infantilised - for completely understandable reasons - I believe, however, this sometimes manifests in a nasty cringe response to anyone who self identifies with language which is seen as infantilising. You see this with the term "enby" as well.
I don't think many people have actually thought too hard about why they have this kind of cringe response to these words. But the truth is that nonbinary language was developed, by and large, by young people, on the fly. So some of it maybe does sound kinda silly, because it was often made by literal teenagers to use for their own purposes ("joyfriend").
I really don't think this is an issue. It is fine to have fun words for young queer people. And it is perfectly fine if adults use these words for themselves, also. So many trans people were denied their youth, I couldn't give two shits if that 45 year old is calling themselves an enby and covering their jackets in bright ass pronoun pins. The issue is that there are not analogous words to use for adults who do want more mature sounding language.
"Enby" has always been posited as analogous to "boy" or "girl", and I've always used it that way. However, I've seen very few proposed terms for an adult nonbinary person - enben is one I've seen, but it's not really caught on, likely due to its linguistic proximity to enby (note how "boy" and "man" & "girl" and "woman" are completely different words with completely different linguistic roots).
People mock nonbinary family terms, because yeah - when thousands of people are feeling around in the dark to create an entire new category of de-gendered and re-gendered language, sometimes it sounds silly. Yeah, yeah, I'd rather you call me a slur, whatever. But you know who loves the term "nibling" ("niece, nephew, nibling")? My old-ass aunty who didn't know what else to call me when I came out as non-binary. She is grateful to have a word she can use without misgendering me. She uses it when she talks about me on her Facebook and she explains it to all her friends. She writes it in birthday cards where she would have formerly written "niece". Allies love this shit, and real allies help to normalise our existence in day-to-day life. They don't waste time mocking or questioning the words we have. They just get on with it.
Boygirls are often not taken seriously and actively infantalised because of the way they identify their gender. This is why I made the switch - I want to be taken seriously. And it seems to have worked somewhat, I've not had anyone call attention to it in an attempt to discredit my opinion yet, as they used to with "boygirl".
However, whatever your personal hangups on language, there is no excuse to infantilise someone or discard their opinion based on their identity.
This type of infantilistic exorsexism is frustrating due to how frequently the people parroting it make out that the majority of people identifying as "boygirls" are trans people who were AFAB and still "have the presentation of a waifish cis woman" (quoted from a post I saw today, to which I'd like to ask: what does a cis woman look like? and why is this type of trans person a problem?) who utilise their "weird" gender identities in order to obfuscate real problems and shut down discussions because they're too stupid to realise they don't experience real transphobia. And it's frustrating especially due to how close this particular rhetoric comes to mimicking the TERF supposition that many trans folks who were AFAB are autistic, stupid, and infantile, and just using their gender to escape misogyny.
Idk. Sometimes I think about how we need to develop more useful, mature language for non-binary trans folks to use in order for people to actually take our conversations seriously. And sometimes I think it just could not be more clear that some trans people still hate it when other people do gender in a way they don't personally like.
I do love it when assholes go on about the boygirl fagdykes being A Type Of Cringey And Annoying Trans Person [and we're definitely not calling them trenders, we totally see them as real trans people and believe in their individual connections to their identities as more than a fad, we swear, their identity won't be one of the first things we attack if they disagree with us] as though Every trans person hasn't been the Cringey And Annoying Trans Person at some point.
I used to identify as boygirl. Then I matured a little, and now I identify as a Transgender Manwoman. Partly because of that broader conceptualisation of "boygirl" as a fad gender, and partly because - well, I'm not a boy, I'm a man. I'm not a girl, I'm a grown ass woman.
Still a fagdyke though <3 Multigender faggotry and dykery forever.
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Anxious! Tim Drake
Have some angst head cannons
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/3cd531493b0b0a1e32986063ffe23f16/20cfc18ffcaf9646-bd/s540x810/b736034be3c32d9d28e7cfbb98f6d620589f152e.jpg)
Anxious! Tim Drake who assumes that if anyone is upset near him, it’s his fault
Anxious! Tim Drake who hides in his room when his family is arguing, and stares at the wall, trying to make out what is being said a few doors down
Anxious! Tim Drake who dissociates whenever he is in trouble
Anxious! Tim Drake who gets aggravated the first time Dick tries to help him through a panic attack
“I said I’m fine”
“Tim I can see that you aren’t fine, and that’s okay. Please talk to me, tell me what’s going on. Let me help-”
“I said I’m fine!”
Anxious! Tim Drake who feels bad about shoving people away who are just trying to help him. But he doesn’t need help. They’re only pitying him anyway. They don’t actually care.
Anxious! Tim Drake who bounces his knee, taps his fingertips together, or twirls a pen to help get some of his anxieties out
Anxious! Tim Drake who absolutely breaks down on the floor in the bathroom when a mission went wrong. It was his fault. He didn’t do enough. He should have done more. He needs to prove himself. He needs to do better.
Anxious! Tim Drake who is up all night because his mind won’t shut up, going over every tiny little detail of the day and what he could have done differently. He’s such a failure. He doesn’t deserve to be part of this family. He needs to be better. They’re probably still upset about that thing from three years ago. Oh god why did he sound so silly talking to Bernard last week? Why didn’t he offer to help Damian with his homework is he a bad brother? Oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god.
Anxious! Tim Drake who finally accepts help from Jason. Jay links Tim up with his therapist. Therapy sucks but Jason was right, it’s helping
Anxious! Tim Drake who learns to journal. Writing down what he think he did wrong and then writing why it was okay underneath that. He feels so silly when he does this, but it helps
Anxious! Tim Drake who gets a little better every day. It will take time. Healing isn’t linear. But he isn’t a failure. He is doing the best that he can. And that’s enough.
#batman#jason todd#batman wayne family adventures#red hood#batfam#tim drake#dick grayson#red robin#jason#bwfa#nightwing#oh no I’m projecting onto fictional characters again#anxious Tim Drake is a comfort character for me#this may or may not be based on personal experiences#love that canonically Jason goes to therapy to help him through his shit#so I can see him suggesting his therapist to others#because it must be hard to find a therapist who won’t spill your secret identity#like heroes who want therapy have to look for that#because they most likely are going to therapy because of hero stuff#poor dick just wants to help#dick would be a great shoulder to cry on#pushing people away when you’re not doing well is so real#not healthy but real#I bet that Tim has better coping mechanisms after therapy#and that he actually talks to the people who want to help him now
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omgggg shipping is not arophobic in the LEAST but keep making us look like whiners with no real problems by continuing to complain about it I guess
yeah that's definitely what i said in any post ever man great job
average person who has made shipping their entire identity will see a post where someone says 'hey please don't say these specific types of things that are degrading and cruel about nonromantic relationships while enjoying your ships and maybe examine the thought processes and beliefs and prejudices that led to saying them' and be like 'oh so you're a whiner with no real problems who thinks shipping is arophobic?'
telling on yourself there bud
#gav gab#lmaoooooooo#gav answers#i feel like my brain ghosts would have a much harder time with this if i didn't already like#obsessively couch every single comment i made about shipping and arophobia and amatonormativity#with a million disclaimers about how everyone is allowed to do what they want and enjoy what they enjoy#implying this comes from a fellow aro person is like#unfortunately not hard to accept bc i have seen a Lot of aro people who love shipping#also fall down the same logic traps#of people's behaviour when shipping can Never be questioned or criticized bc shipping is sacrosanct#bc they feel like#idk particularly self conscious about engaging in arophobic behaviour when shipping#ive noticed that like people who make shipping their entire fandom identity have a VERY LOW distress tolerance#for someone even so much as not also approaching fandom that way#and watching them freak out at the mere suggestion that it's possible for someone to#ever so gently suggest maybe the way they talk about this affects other people#and 'but my ships' isn't a blanket justification to say whatever you want forever about relationships and love and feelings#and devotion and whatever else and how Friends Don't Look At Friends Like That!!11!111!!!!!#bc it's Not That Deep and It's Just A Joke Calm Down and Ship And Let Ship!!!!!!!#is like. well. skill issue. i am so uncomfortable in fandom spaces all the time lmao you couldn't survive in my shoes#imagine being so selfish and incapable of handling people having different experiences that you hear like#the mildest critique of your behaviour and go so far off the rails you send shit like This#is this take for real 'it's not possible for any shipping related behaviour to be arophobic' bc if so uh. Uh#shipping related behaviour is not immune from critque about but not limited to#misogyny homophobia racism arophobia etc etc you do actually have to care abt other people#even when youre making your barbies kiss. sorry!#i see a notification on my inbox and i get excited to see a message. maybe it's about one of my fics or smth!#no. it is this asshole.
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spending more than a few days around your family and no one else truly does cause a certain type of madness. and baby they call me the joker
#ughhhh#travelling with other people after travelling solo is exhausting#wdym i cant just go do my own thing#what do you mean i have to spend this entire time doing shit other people want to do while i just kinda stand around awkwardly bc i dont#have anyone to talk to#what do you meani constantly have to mask more than i ususally do bc i cant look at all neurodivergent or queer or. unhappy. or bored.#or tired#im so tired.#ive got a couple of days in london alone thank fuck#but ugh idk#its just constant 'you should appreciate this!! not many people get to do this!!#cant have a real conversation. treated like a child the whole time. cant even swear.#misgendered and deadnamed the entire time but whats new there#constantly surrounded by people#constantly have to be performing happiness because otherwise youre called rude and told to snap out of it#cant talk to people because everyone interrupts or talks over you or doesnt hear you#cant go on your phone at all if theres anyone around. and theres always people around#constantly on the border of being overloaded at all times but you still have to talk to people !!!#its not even my family this sucksss#'come to england so you can sit in a pub for 3 hours while everyone drinks beer and talks to each other you cant join in on any conversatio#you cant do anything else and if you dont look happy to just be sitting there doing nothing then you get yelled at!! and maybe this is a lit#paid for my own tickets) but#im not. this isnt *fun*. im sitting around surrounded by someone elses family who dont know me and i dont know them#doing shit i actively hate all day#and i constantly have to be performing and acting like im habing a great time the entire time or im spoilt#even thouhg i. i paid for my own ticket here#man i couldve gone to japan again#'isnt england amazing!!" yeah idk it seems like it is!! too bad weve spent this entire goddamn time in some tiny village in the middle of#fuck ass nowhere going on walks that are identical to the ones at home#love to actually go experience it outside of the. one full day. i get in london
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Imagine:
an aro-centric friend-finding/qpr/dating/hookup/etc. app called "Cupid's Aro"
#I wish this was a real thing#just having a way to find other aro people who are looking for other aro people#want a queerplatonic relationship? cupid's aro#want more aro friends? cupid's aro#want to start or join a commune full of aros? cupid's aro#want to date without worrying too much about how your partner would feel about you being aro? cupid's aro#want to just have fun [wink wink nudge nudge] without worrying too much about it getting romantic? cupid's aro#want a dating app/adjacent app where you can highlight tertiary attractions? cupid's aro#want a dating app/adjacent app that caters to aromantic identities and experiences? cupid's aro#like. someone make this a thing#I just don't know how to make it real#aromanticism#aro-spec#arospec#aromantic spectrum#aromantic#aro#aromanticity
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