#and look at me trying to do math
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Don't Wormy About Me.
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#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#jiang cheng#wei wuxian#yu ziyuan#Please allow me to make it clear how important I think the hug between YZY and JC is in regards to several aspects of their characters#For one - it is the resolution and reveal that behind all the harsh words and bitterness...She really did love her son.#A hug is a soft gesture that you would never expect from someone like YZY and the fact she shows JC this affection now -#-Tells us how she knows that this upcoming battle is a death sentence for her.#Her giving away Zidan is honestly overkill but another sign of her truly showing him how she loves him and wants him to survive.#The dread of knowing she's walking back to a fight without zidian and trying to keep up brave face one last time...chilling.#Zidian represents legacy and promises. And this is going to both save and destroy Jiang Cheng as he carries this weight alone.#Heartbreaking stuff! Didn't draw it in the comic because I wanted to draw a silly worm on a string!#WWX tried to help JC out of the knot but got stuck in it.#Those worm on a string tricks are harder than they look!#Also; it's been about a year since the last boat joke - but indeed this is the 11th boat of pd-mdzs. No need to do the math.
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Gavin mentally: wait... that doesn't add up........
#detroit become human#gavin reed#rk900#because you guys have been so supportive i managed to pull through and actually draw a silly comic thing#also drew some of it while watching my favorite movie the incredible movie clue (1985)#and honestly i think the dynamic here is just like mustard and wadsworth going#are you trying to make me look stupid in front of the other guests / you dont need any help from me / THATS. RIGHT.#but anyway the take here is that hi i liked a lot of fics where (as i said before with mutual pining) nines finds gavins looks appealing#like wow hes so not perfect i am enamored with him hmmmm surely thats not mutual#while being v handsome himself so yeah!#it IS technically from the incorrect quotes generator but also! it fits i think#well fits enough for me to get away with#guys i like mutual pining too much and i like processing power of like wait a sec... supercomputer calculator brain cant do math what#while nines is like well if i cant do math then its no longer condescending so i win on a technicality in this conversation#because who doesnt want to win a conversation on a technicality when there isnt actually a competition#wanting to win conversations is so normal i love winning a conversation#(authors note - i failed a conversation today)
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I have a new Wild Theory, just in case anyone thought it was safe to come out from behind the sofa (it's not):
If Klaus is indeed aboard Castle Wulfenbach, which I believe he is, and acting under wasp-enforced orders, the question becomes: "Who's giving those orders?"
We've been guided to think about Zola, which is a reasonable guess because we haven't seen her in a while, and she's not just going to conveniently vanish.
But...
I suspect the involvement of Princess Terebithia, because she was last seen with Zola, because we were recently told that she's conveniently missing, and because she scares me.
But that still leaves the question of "How are they giving Klaus orders?" Zola has a Lucrezia copy in her head, but she doesn't sound like Lucrezia as far as I know. She doesn't have the Command Voice.
...you know who did have the Command Voice? And who Terebithia in particular might have managed to get hold of?
And who would be a fantastically out-of-nowhere player to reenter the game at this point?
Anevka.
...
So here's my math:
Terebithia would have had access to Sturmhalten, where clank Anevka's head was stored. (It's controlled by the Empire, but it's her family's castle.)
Anevka has the Command Voice and can command revenants (thanks, Tarvek).
Anevka could give Klaus orders under her grandmother's instruction.
Anevka sounds like the Other - because the version of the Other that Wulfenbach troops have encountered most is Agatha. Anevka has Agatha's voice. So that could be affecting the reports coming off of Castle Wulfenbach from the evacuees right now.
...
This could be nothing more mysterious than a Valois power play...and I notice Martellus is oh-so-conveniently right here to take command if the opportunity presents itself. If his family has - without his knowledge, I think - set the stage for him to do so.
But. Yeah.
Who could be giving Klaus orders?
Zola to provide the information about useful pawns from her copy of Lucrezia. Terebithia to organize and plan. And Anevka to give the orders to all these wasped revenants who've been in motion lately...
...
Like I said, a Wild Theory, and I'm probably wrong. But I'm still not coming out from behind the sofa just yet.
(This post now has a self-reblog with me elaborating on this theory, check it out!)
#girl genius#headcanons and speculations#trying to outguess the unguessable for fun#hiding behind the sofa#in the grand tradition#i develop a worry#i do the math on some suspicions#look i am probably wrong BUT#join me in my latest conspiracy theory#guess what i started wondering about today#now with self-reblog elaboration!#klaus wulfenbach#castle wulfenbach#klaus is loose in the timestop theory the sequel#zola malfeazium#princess terebithia sturmvoraus#anevka sturmvoraus#clank anevka
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I saw Dev Patel last night at an advance screening of Kinds of Kindess, and I told him I loved monkey man. I haven’t stopped thinking about it, like he’s so pretty in person
#He thanked me#AND LOOK AT ME WITH HIS BEAUTIFUL BROWN EYES#I was giggling and blushing all the way home#I lowkey felt bad too because I was STARING at him trying to do the math in my head#but I was like ‘no it’s can’t be’ BITCH IT IS!!#I’m still in disbelief tbh#I just HAD to tell him I loved monkey man I have no idea if I’d ever run into him again#this is going to get me through the next few months tbh#dev patel
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hi this is a post saying i will not b online((or try)) until i get my g.e.d.
i love u all if i uh, yk never return
hugs hugs many sweet dreams & good mornings!
#i had a much longer post then realized no1 wants 2 read all that long#i dont want 2 like fill the tags w/reasons y im suddenly doing this#hell i might regret this & delete it a minute l8r#but like. i need my highschool diploma#ive failed school like all the way through. my entire school career looks good in concept but its not#shit im going 2 start crying again#<- that is also y#i keep crying i keep like getting rlly sad & self#destructive & idk how 2 fix that so im doing this so no1 hears my whining#uhhh pray 4 me 2 pass ig lol#hugs hugs hugs mnay hugs#this feels like a final goodbye bc my self confidence is so bad jdjfiosk#summer school; switching classes bc of bad grades; getting expelled; having numerous teacher conferences; having my teachers talk 2 me like#im their kid just bc my mother works @ the school ohh my god that hurt the most & made me want 2 go monkey mode#point is im not good @ school & never have been & it stresses me out & im so scared#im so afaid im crying just thinking about sitting in a class#i love learning i love ideas i love questions MY FAVORITE SUBJECT IS MATH but im just so scared 4 some reason#& idk if ill b able 2 do it#i can barely see my screen help djchis#anyways im going 2 try my best bc i want 2 talk 2 my friends & uhm thats rlly it#but i cant do that unless i get better so im going 2 try 2 not#i ended up rambling in the tags blehhh#niko is also w/me rn as always & i will give him all the kisses &love i can so nobody worry about that#watch me take this post back in a day bc the internet has been 1 of my only safe soaces#this is so pathetic kanfkf & me saying so does not make it any less so#i just jumped out of the car & walked 2 hrs home crying bc im an actual disaster rn#like what if everything im thinking rn makes no sense#i mean not the school thing#i need 2 do that#i need 2 stop stalling
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I fucking love we are robin they were so huddling in the back booth of the restaurant izzys family ran trying not to laugh while ordering, surfing on the tops of trains, learning how to treat a bullet wound crowding around the phone frantically collecting google searches, taking more hits than they were landing, listening to dax play shitty guitar in his garage while skipping classes, playing dnd in rikos basement, making snide comments while duke and dre argue again for the eighth time that day and watching duke try to resist dre bribing him with his cooking, being connect to someone you don't know halfway across town because they too know that with batman gone someone has to take care of this city someone has to do something and it might as well be you
#duke izzy and dre sleeping over rikos house bcs their own homes arent great to be at right now#duke quizzing riko on her math work just bcs hes failing doesn't mean she has to#dre patching up a wound izzy got bcs she absolutely ate shit while trying to make a jump and izzy thinking abt how dre reminds her of her#brother if he hadnt been such an ass#like gotham is a shithole and these kids are in the heart of the mess living and loving and protecting their city#SOMEONE SEDATE ME#this is what happens when u read we are robin one too many times and like too many studies abt gotham city#dc comics#dc tag#all of them grew up looking into the night and seeing colorfully clothed children bound across the skyline and thought 'i can do that too'#i need to be shot#duke thomas#batman#thought bubbles#we are robin
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people who do STEM or administration as a career full time and continue to do art as a hobby, I am scared of you but like in a hot way. youre like if we were allowed to have cold drinks in winter. i look at you and think of miles morales with his two cakes. do you want to make out sometime
#i say all of this positively bc i just! i cant help admiring it!! even if its mundane or not a big deal to you i seriously cant wrap my head#around it.. this is in no way at all meant to be condescending or anything. whenever i look at someones bio and theyre like oh im working#as a lab assistant biologist pharmacist realtor etc im like woag.... thats insane.. and then i peep your art tag and it knocks my socks of#how?? what lives do you lead??? im so curious. i seriously want a peek inside your brains someday. or at least shadow you at work lol#i cant help but feel sad when someone says smth like well i have to support myself and art cant do that for me. or maybe you were#pushed into pursuing a 'safe' career bc i hear it a lot. all of my relatives have the same story working as nurses and OFWs for the family#i think for me its not about missed potential but rather its being sad about making a decision to put your happiness aside to get by#ive tried so hard to do it but it didnt work out. i guess watching you guys do it is fascinating to me#or maybe youve made peace with your decision or actually like what you pursued but im still amazed!! it makes me wonder what made#you pick one over the other in that case.. is it like putting time for two different things the way you would for a schedule?? hmmm#im doing graphic design so i dont really interact with ppl in other faculties even humanities like sociology or childcare... so i cant help#wondering what it must be like as someone whos pursuing visual communication both as an interest and career#i seriously wish i could do smth like a desk job or even admin and maybe ill try that if this doesnt work. or i could look into trades#but dyscalculia already makes it hard to do things like cash and mental math so i get overwhelmed if i think about this too hard#yapping
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depression is really weird actually wdym i spent 2.5 years of my life in bed
#and wdym that lifestyle changed so quickly into being out and about and an active member of the world??#very proud of myself#and i mean it wasn't that quick of a change#it was like 1.5 years primarily depression bedrotting with occasional school -> primarily depression bedrotting ->#primarily depression bedrotting with 3-9 hours of work weekly -> straight into 31+ hours school+9-12 hours work weekly#so there was somewhat of a gradual progression#but still#also wowza i wake up 7-7:30am every morning now. 1pm was an early wake up for a not so insignificant amount of time#i mean of all fundamental growth years to miss out on the ages like what 12/13-15 aren't too bad? they would suck in a different way if i#had been socially involved#anyway it's just. yea i'm proud of myself but it is a crazy lifestyle change#and even when i was deeply depressed in a horrible routine i feel like i learned a lot. how to regulate my emotions and cope well and find#the joy in everything. bc if i stayed in bed all day then i would at least be happy about the sun or whatever#and for the while of being not at school at all i WANTED to be at school i just could not find one bc our school system is so cute like tha#(basically every school is at capacity and the local school that has a guaranteed place for me would have been an all boys or girls 😭)#but i miraculously found and got into this school and miraculously made it work so well for me socially and now academically#it's also a good time to get back into school for my education bc any later and it woulda been pretty bad for all my certifications and uni#ive missed out on so much maths that its not worth it to me to try and catch up but my teacher knows that#but ive always hated maths regardless i only ever understood it for the first half of yr 7 then my attendance dropped#and after my recent exam i decided to try harder at school. but i still got an A on the exam i didn't study for!! academic weapon fr#i'm just idk thinking back to myself in the past few years#and how hopeless it all felt. but i got out of it!! i beat the depression and social anxiety and found a good place and made the most of it#and during the peak of my depression i remember i went out someplace near my old school and panicked so so badly about seeing#kids from my old school. and the friends at the time didnt really check on me when i went to shake and cry in a side street lmao#i kept the best of that friendgroup and have better friends now. but anyway now i take a bus each morning with some kids from my old school#and you see these hands? they look like they're shaking to you?#anyway yeah it's just cool i got to this point :) i really had no hope for so long but now i have a life i'm living and a future i'm build#--ing towards#which is funny i just decided some random day last november after watching some better call saul 'huh actually lawyer would b pretty cool'#and will i get there? we'll see but i do have hope now
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yknow i love transmasc/tboy dirk always and forever but the way some ppl treat transmascness vs transfemmeness in HS's narrative........kinda sucks. like the whole thing about how being transfeminine is a literal transient experience and lets the character in question (any character) truly escape the oppression of HS's narrative-as-a-character which is patriarchal and toxic (lord english, hussie-the-character to an extent. i guess. idk ive seen a lotta ppl lump SI-hussie in w/ this), which is great and does hold weight as an analytical lens esp with how hussie irl is nonbinary. but where does this leave transmasc characters. why are we treating (headcanoned) transfemme HS characters like this and then tbh gleefully dooming (headcanoned) transmasc characters to eternal narrative suffering brought by LE and then mocking them for being ''gross tboys'' full of ''icky testorerone'' so its their fault theyre in this perpetual torment really? because they ''''chose to be a man''''? dunno man its starting to feel bad. especially since some bnf's who are really into this fan theory do actually kinda treat the general idea of transmasculinity like somthing to hold with tongs at arms length away from them. as if its alien or infectous or something and then get really mad when equally dysphoric transmascs do the same with feminity. why are we dooming dirk strider to eternal toxic-masculine suffering and what does that say about how we treat real life transmasc folks both in and outside of the fandom
#my t#basically you arent more or less special or deserving of celebration or joy depending on what pronouns you use#and idk yall gender is such a personal thing and your trans experience def does colour the way you look at the world. it def does mine/ours#and i wish ppl on this site would be more honest about that cause holy hell do some of yall treat eachother like dogshit#PURELY on the basis of identity. you are no better than a TERF if you do this. you ARE a TERF if you do this#but like...........can we all at least TRY not to demonize '''the other side''' here#in quotations because theres no '''other side''' in the trans community we're all just trans in different ways#theres just like. yknow#theres a reason why so many tboys and transmasc folks identify with the striders and dirk especially#and theres a reason why *so many* transmascs felt so much joy abt tboy roxy#so many of our lives pre-transition looked and felt like roxy lalondes. so many of us legit forcefully feminized ourselves#bc the alternative was so fucking scary. as you can probably imagine regardless of what flavour of trans you are#theres also a reason why there are so many transmasc fictives named dirk and dave and idk what to tell these ppl abt that#i remember rlly clearly this affectionate joke like a literal decade ago on this site that was like#daves intro dropped and 1mil tboys named dave materialized into existence#dirks intro dropped and 1mil MORE tboys named dirk materialized into existence#i try rlly rlly hard not to get sour at wlw/nblw focused memes that are like#''i made pepsicola better!!! theyre she/theys now :)'' for example#but its getting increasingly harder to ignore when the same ppl who make these memes treat#fans who prefer m/m *bc they themselves are gay* like shit#or like enjoying m/m because theyre mlm is mysogynistic. which it isnt ffs#that shit gives i am uncomfortable when is not about me and i aint here for that#if i were like these ppl maybe id turn all their fave girls into tboys just to spite them#but it wont be just to spite them bc 1) i aint abt that actually. im too fuckin grown for it and 2)#i genuinely just enjoy exploring m/m and masculinity more because i am a trans mlm. its very simple math
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i know i tend towards "hand me messages on a plate" in terms of what i want from media, and that's not where everyone falls. totally get that. i do appreciate and enjoy room for interpretation of meaning and i support show don't tell, absolutely. but sometimes (and especially in late seasons spn) i feel like they're not showing anything and they're not telling anything. and when it becomes a persistent pattern, i'm left asking, if you're not showing and you're not telling, is there anything there at all?
#i'm totally willing to admit that sometimes subtler messages go over my head#i'm dreadful at spotting symbolism for example#but some of these episodes I've looked at what I think they're trying to say from so many angles#and i just don't think there's anything meaningful there#or there is meaning but it's so convoluted and contradictory it doesn't land at all#or it contradicts the larger messages and themes of the show#this is part of what i was getting at earlier when talking about needing to understand chuck more#like give me SOMETHING. I don't need directions or a detailed map but at least give me a compass#i do think chuck explaining his whole plan in immense detail like a bad movie villain would have been fun and fitting#but even if they didn't want to do that. give me something before the season is. does math. 85 percent over#spn
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Suggest your weirdest ass hobbies to me. Writing is shit right now, I need a distraction from it (and the rest of life) but I also suck at everything
#Oh god#I tried crocheting????#I mean it's practically math#It's math and puzzle solving and I am very bad at both#I know it's not actually math#But my brain put it in the same box#And now it is trying to make me hate it#I pretty much learned how to do the first. Like. Row thing.#And then my friend (and you tube) said “now turn your work” and I said WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN MEAN#I am very visual and it is hard for me to learn on something that just.... Looks the fucking same from start to end (The Yarn)#So clearly knitting is also out#I have considered embroidery but it seems very similar lol#Please don't say calligraphy because my handwriting is SHIT
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i have depriving myself down to an art form
#why am i like this??#why do I keep breaking my own heart?#apparently I've also got to finish the job by posting into the abyss#wish someone would fix me cos this cycle ain't stopping#(missed out on adopting yet another rescue dog I had my heart set on)#i should be fine with this cos I said I wanted to give a home to a dog who had trouble finding one#or who would struggle with inexperienced owners#and this dog was rehomed in just days so he clearly didn't need me#but after the extreme grief of losing my last dog to cancer it's been really hard for me to find a dog I'm ready to commit to#(especially in my town cos I'm just not a staffy/pig dog person and that's 99.99% of dogs here)#and I don't know when it's going to happen again#I finally got ready to hit that button to enquire and then got the news on page reload. it hurts#the other dog I like is too far away to meet and would hate the 2-day car ride back.#he's been getting overlooked for too long. but he's also like 30+kg which dramatically increases his ongoing cost of care#and I'm still trying to find work. (I could have afforded looking after the little guy inc. in any emergencies with my savings)#anyway I have to pick myself up cos my nieces have asked me to [“help them”] train their big unruly dog#that it was 100% irresponsible of my sister to get#but as usual she gets to have whatever she wants and everyone else has to pick up the pieces#and then I get to hate myself for growing bitter from being responsible and caring about the situation I put others in (ppl and dogs)#anyway gonna go cry myself to sleep#maybe one day I'll get sane and stop my belief in “signs from the universe” to guide me re: whether it's ok to let myself have something#(after I've done the logic math)
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So like. I'm going back to school, I'm going to do college at almost 30 so I have to take a placement test. I have to take the PERT and I'm gonna fail the math portion.
"You can't fail the PERT!" I hear you say "it's not a pass or fail test!"
That may be true. And studying I may have done. But they're going to ask me to solve a quadratic equation and I'm going to start crying.
#look i got my GED as an older 20s something i've resigned myself to a remedial math class#remedial math classes are where i shine#yes it's gonna cost a lot of money shut up it gives me peace of mind to accept the remedial math class#i'm not a failure if i do badly on a placement test and i am decent at math when i'm in the practice of doing math#so the remedial math class has no sway over me#i relate to the people in the remedial math class i had to take ged classes as a twenty year old to learn how to multiply fractions#i'm used to it!#i will take my remedial math class as a badge of honor#i'm going to college at almost 30!#that's crazy#i'm already doing so well and being really brave#being in a remedial math class is a privilege it is an honor because it means i'm trying something new that i'm bad at!#that's life baby!#i'm not going to hang my self worth on doing well on the PERT#oscar talks to himself#school blogging
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I'm currently reading: Strengths Finder 2.0. I'm not far into yet, but the first pages were so.... good to read? And true? The fact that most of us spend so much time working on the things we don't excel in? At school or work, instead of spending more time on the things we are good at and becoming even better at that.
#I soooo needed to read that because it is so true in my case#i was never good at math#and what did elementary school wanted me to do?#focus so much bloody time on math#while i could have become a better artist#or any other skill i was good at#but also the other skills @ work#i cannot stand unexpected shit things#i am a very structured person#so i want to put that to good work#fuck spending more time on managing a toxic hectic work environment#i am really hoping to just try to look at things differently#find something that really suits me#and even if my next job isn't it i'll be one step closer#here are some positive vibes that i wanted to share#mistress blabbling
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long personal rant incoming 🫠 ignore
#why will my parents never say a good word to me when it comes to school#like i got 48/50 from a mock final exam before even revising half of the material and my dad said “you say it was easy yet lost 2 points”#leave me alone#i was so excited when i checked my results and they didn't care?? just brushed it off cause i said it was easy#well yes it was cause i have been studying regularly for the last 4 years#and it's always like that they'll also never encourage me to do anything more like they'll try to talk me down#i wanna choose maths as my major and then data science and noooo i am not smart enough for that and i will not have a job and not have money#idk what's their point like i said i won't study law which they want me to like 1836292 times#and im just so tired of them and my family overall like soon it'll be christmas time and it'll only go worse#i don't want to go through the annual do you have a boyfriend and you look so slim round of compliments#yes i look slim you dumb ass i hate how i look guees how i've gotten there#and my relationships are so bad#irl i literally have one friend who's moving out to another city in summer so yay!#i could go on but what's the point even#ignore#personal
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they shouldn't let me stay up past midnight bc then I start identifying every single problem I've ever had. No solutions found. Net zero personal progress and 0.5 hours of sleep are achieved
#ramblings of a lunatic#ignore me I'm having a moment#actually wait that's one of the problems we (the brain council) identified. is my need to not have problems where ppl can see#oh very problematic of my brain. not a fan#look i just got out on christmas break for college the term is catching up to me#i didn't make any real friends and it's not that I'm surprised..but yeah I'm surprised. i forgot about My Whole Deal somehow#like girl do the math. 7 yrs to make A FRIEND. SINGULAR. came pre packaged w/ 2 friends but took you 4 more years to make another one-#-independtly. straight up did not understand friendship and human relationships until you were at least 16#did we honestly think we were gonna knock it out of the park in terms of socialising this first term???? did we????#wishful thinking ig#oughh. college...bad. or not bad but. strange. and lonely. and yeah kinda bad#existentially horrifying in ways i didn't even realise were possible. i get why so many tma fans were college students/grads now#college just irl cosmic horror#anyway. i think i should try and sleep now lest the brain demons get the better of me#but also I've gotten like. 4 hours of sleep total over the last 6 days- not for lack of trying mind you#so like. I'm anticipating a struggle.
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