#and like. yeah. same™️
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Honestly that tpn joke manga had such weird ass way to flanderize the characters (especially Norman,,, that wasn’t parody, that was a crime against the Geneva convention)
I do find it funny that the choice they made for Ray was to make him the most sad sopping wet cat in the world
#Norman being stalkerish and possessive over Emma is really uhhh#Not funny. didn’t laugh#honestly the entire spinoff manga is kinda meh in the comedy department#I only find the bits w Ray funny cuz the author is doing the fan equivalent of calling ray their poor little meow meow#and like. yeah. same™️#idk I’ve been rereading tpn and I remembered that the joke manga existed#I’ve come to realize I really enjoy Ray so I’m happy to see he was spared from the absolute bastardization they put Norman through#instead they made him completely incompetent. failing upwards kinda guy. the buggy d clown of the story#love that for him <3#w1l says some stuff
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its rlly sad seeing trans women go thru a lot of the bs talking points ive heard thrown at lesbians (and even worse if ur a trans lesbian i imagine) for literal years. im so glad that its being talked abt tho and at the very least im following tbe right people to hear abt it
its just sad bc ive seen all these same misogynistic arguments before, but then i stopped seeing them for years as all the lesbians who tried to defend against it either gave up or were chased off the website, and im seeing it happen to trans women too. its like a misogynist cycle
#burrow.html#and ftr its not a new thing im sure its judt what im seeing now in my circle#its just like. shch a bummer. this website is just so misogynistic#transmisogny tw#lesbophobia tw#a lot of lesbophobia and transmisogyny arguements are the same and its sad#not all of them ofc but yeah. misogyny™️
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thinking again about how in trigun 98 they had nick kill someone with the face of a child posing as an orphan for vash, and how in tristamp they had him kill a child in the body of a monster who had no choice in what had been done to him, and how instead in trimax nick for vash kills a man who'd approached vash for a death match, who'd demanded to either kill or be killed, a man nick had given vash a fair chance to fight and win against and who nick would have left alone hadn't said man attacked vash when his back was turned after the duel was over and done with, a man who'd been one step from possibly seriously harming vash hadn't nick stepped in. and about how after in all three versions vash yells at nick for it, but only in trimax nick tells vash that he's lucky he's there to play the devil for him so that he can stay a saint, and only in trimax in the arc right after vash ends up thanking nick for killing for him and protecting his home when vash couldn't because of his own morals, and only in trimax in the end when nick isn't there to play the bad guy for vash he ends up being right, and vash ends up having to dirty his hands himself to protect what he loves - while both in 98 and for now tristamp vash stays a saint until the end, and that fight they have ends in itself, and the only lesson it leaves you as a viewer is that nick is jaded enough to kill a child
#this is in the same category in my brain as 98 and tristamp making vash the nice kid between he and knives#while in trimax knives was the nice hopeful naive kid and vash was the guarded and skeptical one#and also the same as vash in 98 never losing control of himself and in tristamp only losing control#when knives literally brainwashes him into becoming a husk of himself#while in trimax vash loses control of his own negative emotions all on and by himself and That's#what puts meryl and nick and milly in danger#not someone else's actions but /vash's/#and to me that's like#yeah maybe 98 came out before trimax was over so the authors didn't have a full grasp on vash as a character#and maybe it's true that the tristamp writers love the story their own way honestly and genuinely#but the way both anime make vash so objectively Good™️ and everyone else just too jaded#to see how he's right and being Good™️ is the only way to move forward#like...#I'm sorry#that's the opposite of what i thought nightow was saying when i first read trimax#the world isn't black and white and some choices are unavoidable but that doesn't make them any less bad#and people aren't perfect but that doesn't make them any less able to be good#and all that#yk#?#the way the anime always make meryl so unwaveringly strong and corageous too when in trimax#she's actually so scared#reasonably!!#same with nick too all his fear of knives and conflicting feelings about vash all gone always...#then again when you make vash to perfect what's there to be scared or conflicted about?#it's something I always come back to ESPECIALLY the nick killing for vash moment#the manga makes it so hard to decide who's right#and in the end it takes you by the shoulders and shakes you and tells you nick!!! nick was right!!!!#while in the anime nicks kills /a child/ so of course you're brought to assume vash was right#i dunno it's just so flat to me
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What IF Eddie calls buck "evan" again in the loft scene ?!?!? WHAT THEN!?!?!??!
then you’ll hear from me in the news bro
#although to be fair I don’t think he will#it doesn’t feel as dramatic as you know#The Will™️#by the still we’ve gotten it just seems that bucks being a lil bratty ahdjdjdjsj#but at the same time#if his abandonment issues flourish again and he either speaks about them or Eddie notices#then maybe the conversation turns more…. deep#deeper if u will SJDJSJS#but yeah don’t get your hopes up#I feel like ‘Evan’ was such a powered word for such a powerful scene#I don’t think the writers will wanna throw it out there again just for this but again I might be wrong#I guess we’ll see 😈😈😈😈#Sofia gets an ask
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hey- would you guys be interested in me posting all my wips onto my collection of scrapped fics/prompts fic on ao3?
#the only thing that's really been stopping me from doing it before bc if felt like sharing them there was giving them up for good#but like. rn i dunno if i feel up for returning to them#(felt like this even before; uh. Everything™️)#but i suppose; even if i did share them; it's not like there's anything stopping me from picking them up again in the future?#so like. i might return to them someday#but uhhhhhh. not anytime soon ig. been trying to write for a different fandom recently#was also debating doing this sort of thing on my main as well; but been hesitating for the same reasons.#feel more comfy doing it for this account cuz i already got a scrap bin;; eksnksjska#anyway uh. yeah lemme know
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Milgram Moments That Keep Me Up At Night #1 - The Glass
So in Shidou Kirisaki's song Throw Down, there's this moment at the end where Shidou wakes up in a bed, and he's surrounded by glass.
Broken glass, specifically. But something about this bothers me, because... I dont know what the fuck this is supposed to be. What is up with that first shot. Is it a sculpture? Is it representative of a body???
Why does this part have a button/disc/circular object on it???? Is there paper under the glass and if so what is it????
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY SHOTS OF THIS NON-DESCRIPT GLASS???? Are these clues to something bigger? What am I looking at Shidou what am I Looking At please someone tell me.
#milgram#shidou kirisaki#there's other parts of this scene that I have Thoughts on. e.g. his curtains and the way the light cuts through him feels like--#--he's not sleeping in his bed but a Bed at the hospital he works at. Cut to next scene where he's in the exact same position but--#--looking at the flower wife construct and the lighting is cutting through it the same way too.#But yeah the glass is haunting me because yes it's probably Symbolism™️ but why so many detailed specifically composed shots. Why.#genuinely would love to hear from the crowd here and see what you think. Is it painfully obvious and solved 1 year ago do let me know sdfghj
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max cross dressing to get discharged from the army on a psychiatric evaluation, but it never working, but he keeps wearing the dresses, as if it’ll ever change, and one day, he will get his discharge papers. iconic of him actually x
#at some point it becomes less about the discharge and more about the fact he likes it#he says he doesn’t but honestly it’s true devotion if that’s true#like yeah we know he’s super eager to get kicked out but like he already knows the cross dressing routine doesn’t work so you’d think he’d#try something new but he doesn’t#obsessed with his mind and his outfits <3#alsoooooo radar thinking max is a cute girl from behind them he turns around and radar is visibly confused™️#in the same episode as radar wanting to buy a dress from max saying it’s for ‘his mother’#i’m now desperate for art where max puts radar in a dress and they hang out together#would draw it myself but uhhhhhh cannot#looking forward to more of them <3#also just more of the show in general bc i finished s1 last night and i already miss it™️#gwen rambles#gwenposting#mashposting
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random but it's important to me that Jonah Magnus at the start of his Eye Journey™️ and Elijonah Magchard are different people. Not literally but if Jonah were to have a look at Elijonah Magchard he would be properly weirded out. The man has been dealing with the incomprehensible for 200 years. That is, not good on the psyche. It's important to me that Elijonah is a little bit Fucked Up™️
#I still want the core aspects to be the same like ultimately self serving#But yeah#Still want him to be a weirdo™️#Cmon 200 years in the hellscape that is tma's universe+avatar politics#He's gotta be fucked up#Same goes for all the other folks like Simon and Maxwell Rayner#They gotta be weird and unrecognisable to their former selves#Back when they were still human#I guess what I'm trying to say is character development is cool#Abellrambles
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If anyone is curious how I'm doing mentally I'm once again replaying exo's mvs for the 10000th time wondering when their comeback will happen and trying desperately not to think about how my current fave will probably go to military soon possibly without a solo and wishing desperately for them to have a world tour again before that please
#no one cares about this but every few months my love for them goes nuclear and i need to scream about#never forgiving myself for how before i was a fan of them they had a concert DOWN THE STREET from my dorm room that i could have gone to#like seriously talk about life regrets#anyways i still have a headache from being hungover and this is apparently how im choosing to deal with it#it has been a Weekend™️#bushy rambles#IMPORTANT TO MENTION THAT THAT SAME VENUE WHERE THEY HAD A CONCERT DOWN THE STREET FROM MY DORM? YEAH THAT ONE???#A COUPLE MONTHS LATER ITS WHERE MY GRADUATION CEREMONY WAS HELD WHICH IS THW TRIPPIEST DAMN THING#THEY DID THAT ARTIFICAL LOVER PERFORMANCE ON THE SAME STAGE WHERE I GOT MY DIPLOMA LIKE ARW YOU FOR REALSIES#my life is just a series of missed chances and i want to cry about it hahahahahahabahahjsjdjfjdjd
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I relate to shane madej because i too wish i could take a pill containing all the nutrients for a day instead of having to plan what the hell i should eat every single day of my silly little life
#me: i will stop thinking about food#food: *needs to be consumed preferably every day in order to live*#well fuck#sorry#tw eating issues#(NO I'M NOT FINISHED BEING ANNOYING ABOUT THIS)#like. it's all good when I'm home and just can eat whatever#but here i always know how many calories are in anything i buy because i can't cook so i have to stick to ready to eat stuff#and then i have to make sure it is enough but then i will automatically think about the Numbers™️ and my brain goes insane#this is just unfair#oh whatever#it's really not that deep#just don't think about it#why do i keep making this a problem#it isn't#it literally is just food and there is no need to think about it at all#just buy the same shit every day (or don't and buy whatever else you want) and you'll be fine#(also i remember during my last exchange semester i had a similar problem. i also kinda fell back into old thought patterns and behaviors#because i had to plan my meals because i couldn't cook or anything so yeah. should have seen this coming tbh#not a big deal either way. it'll be fine)#void screams#(it's past 1 am and this is what i think about. great job not thinking about it)
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Ahhh like… vent in tags i guess (i said what i said :3c)
#delete l8r#bleats#personal experiences#disclaimer I’m black#or an ‘exotical’ since we love throwing ppl in and out of blackness at convenience 🙄🙄🙄#*insert obligatory not all here i guess*#despite me referring to a general collective#but hit dogs holler so…#accountability is like kryptonite for losers#’but the white man holding me back!’ Do better bro omfg#maybe the problem is you??#maybe you’re just fucking inept#and unwilling to grow#ever thought of that?#we had the same 150+ years#like yeah slavery happened and yeah the world is still racist but#omfg the double standard#black women are expected to be Super Human like we didn’t go through the same shit???#be SO fucking forreal 🙄#not to mention that black women have been held to the same level of accountability as they do The White Man™️ 🙄#wanna blame literally everyone else BUT themselves#and have the audacity to STILL wanna be treated like Kangz™️#and THIS is who I’m supposed to march and sacrifice and fight for??? Fuck That!!!#the collective delulu#god that felt good to get off my chest#forgot to mention i rly fucking hate how divestment as a movement got reduced to putting whiteness (especially white men) on a pedestal#the original purpose: Prioritizing ourselves/decentering men/removing ourselves from toxic ppl or situations that no longer serve us.#outside of that dysfunction#it isn’t about interracial dating or pedestalizing whiteness or going from one group of men to another or any of that dumb shit oh my god 😵#it’s literally just self preservation. lmao.
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Hi!
Can I request a fic where the reader starts realizing they have feelings for Sylus and gets so nervous around him that they can’t resonate anymore?
And Sylus thinks that the reader is scared/disgusted by him again so the reader is forced to confess their feelings to not create a bigger misunderstanding
Thanks!
- 🌻
The moment I got this request I was like HELLO— sunflower anon, you just get me 😌 Anyway! Am back from my break and I hope everyone’s ready for some Vulnerable Sylus™️, because I have got him hot to go!!!
A Gentle Touch
Sylus x Reader 🩸
Summary: You really can’t let Sylus into your head this time— he’s living there rent-free already.
Genre: Angst + Fluff (& some Luke and Kieran shenanigans because they were not feeling the angst)
Warnings/Additional Tags: f!reader, injury detail, mentions of possible trauma, humour, some intimacy at the end 😘, Luke and Kieran are having the time of their lives
| Word count: 3.2k | Masterlist | Opt-in to my taglist here!
Disclaimer: Characters belong to Love and Deepspace. All work is my own, so please don't repost or plagiarise!
If you asked, Sylus would tell you.
You catch glimpses: dark, sharp flickers of something monstrous, maybe even infernal. Blood, everywhere— thick in your mouth and your nose. All over your hands. You feel it, too: a yearning, so intense, and you couldn’t say whom it belongs to. Then there’s death. Searing white. Bottomless black. In the middle of all of it— crimson eyes like dying stars.
Every time you resonate, it envelops you, is laid out bare before you: a nightmare you’re caught in the centre of but forced to watch from outside. An other, a spectator. It’s a show, just for you, but it isn’t quite ready yet; someone’s still rehearsing their lines.
If you asked, Sylus would let you see it. It’s a power you have over him, a constant, self-sacrificial: you want it? It’s yours. So you don’t ask. You never ask. Like words mumbled in a haze of wine or sleep, you let him hold onto it. His hands are open, yes, but you don’t have to take.
Besides, you have your own, world-changing little secret, and he’s going to see it too.
He’s slumped in front of you, blood sheeting down from two bullet wounds just below his shoulder. He catches his breath— one, two— before he peeks over this desk you’ve overturned for cover. You should be peeking over as well: should be counting your enemies, scouting your next move.
Instead, you’re looking at him and holding back. One minute ago you had no idea where he was, how he was, and it’d been eating away at you from the moment you got separated. Now he’s with you— he found you— and the relief is desperate, gushing; it has to escape somehow. It drips: forbidden daydreams, one after the other, like…
How you want to hold his face and urge him to speak so you can just hear his voice.
How you want to press a hand to his heart and feel the beat of it beneath your palm.
How you want to kiss him, want to taste the blood on his split lip, because this is your story, isn’t it? Messy. Violent. Defiant.
He looks at you, that same blood carving a thin line through the pale of his chin. It drops down onto his silk shirt. “What are you thinking about, kitten?” he grins. His best guess: “This is a fine mess we’ve gotten ourselves into, hmm?”
It’s a fine mess he got you into. “Yeah.” You make yourself look away from him, glancing over the desk to assess how much worse the situation is getting. The answer? Significantly.
Sylus chuckles, drawing your eyes back as he reloads his gun. “Don’t say I never treat you to anything, sweetie.” He fires a few rounds towards the encroaching danger.
Voices go up across the room. Gunshots ring out, louder. Sylus slinks back down, wincing, holding his shoulder, and his fingers turn red. He deftly undoes the first few buttons on his shirt, peeling it back so he can examine his wounds. His jaw clenches; the punctures aren’t closing over fast enough. It’s too much blood, too quick, and he’ll—
He catches you staring. There’s a sheepish sincerity in the way he smiles, as honest and vulnerable as the holes in his shoulder. He holds out his hand. “Time for an energy storm, don’t you think?”
“No,” you snap. “Save your energy. We might need it later.”
“Oh?” An eyebrow perks up in interest, and it’s just like him to spot a double entendre in the midst of all this chaos.
But you’re staring at his chest through his open shirt and you’re such a hypocrite. “Things might get worse,” you explain.
“Worse?” he repeats as bullets fly over your heads, striking the wall across from you and scattering plaster over the floor. He watches it crumble. “Paint me a picture, kitten— what would worse look like?”
Even Rafayel might struggle with that particular creative prompt.
“Come on,” Sylus insists, using the excuse of your silence to push his hand closer to you. “Now’s not the time to play coy.”
“Sylus, I really don’t—”
He grasps your hand, his fingers locking with yours and squeezing tight. Your heart jumps at the touch. It strangles the protests in your throat and stays there, strung up by anticipation and dread.
You’re feeling so much that it takes you too long to realise nothing is happening.
Sylus’s eyes are fixed on your connected palms. He’s squinting, concentrating, and when that doesn’t work— when your hand is paling in the vice of his— he loosens his grip, his thumb feathering over yours as he mumbles a quick: “forgive me.”
He doesn’t let you go. You can still feel him, all of him, imploring to just let him in.
You don’t, and his eyes meet yours, for a moment— like another bullet has bitten through his flesh. Your mouth drops in fake surprise; you’re always so innocent when you pull a trigger on him.
This time, there’s no wound you can push your hands against in a guilty effort to staunch the bleeding. You have to apologise. Have to stitch it up with every word you’ve been guarding, saving, and it isn’t supposed to be like this. “Sylus, it’s not what you think. I—”
Something metal clatters across the floor behind you, bounces like a failing, stuttering heartbeat, then explodes.
…
“Good news, boss! We figured it out!”
Sylus groans, looking up from a report he’s not really been reading as two figures crash into his room. Not good, he thinks, as Kieran flings himself into the nearest armchair. Whatever this is, it’s not good. Luke settles on its arm.
With a sigh, Sylus removes his reading glasses. They stay, hooked on a finger, as he pushes his hair back like he can feel a headache coming on. His eyes flutter closed, and when they open, the twins are both leaning forward, bristling with excitement.
“Ask us,” Luke whispers in a way that makes Sylus think he might not realise he’s speaking out loud.
Another sigh. “What did you figure out?”
Kieran whips out a tired-looking notepad from behind his back. He clears his throat— “ahem!”— then starts to read: “Reasons why Miss Hunter was not able to resonate with you. Number one...”
“How did you find out about—”
“Sshhhh,” Kieran interrupts, putting a finger to where his lips should be. Sylus’s eyes widen in indignation, and Luke comes to his twin’s rescue, silently indicating Mephisto with a few tips of his head. The crow shrinks down on his perch.
“Number one,” Kieran repeats, matter-of-factly. “Your height.”
“My… height?”
Luke nods solemnly as Kieran continues: “humanityandconquer.com/power-dynamics describes tallness as a ‘natural advantage when trying to dominate a smaller individual.’ You are very tall. Try crouching when you speak to Miss Hunter.” He glances over the top of his notepad. “If you approach her at her level, she’ll know you mean no—”
“Nope. Next,” Sylus dismisses, waving his hand in a fast-forward motion. That headache is coming on.
“Reason two,” Kieran acquiesces, gaze falling, “your eyes.”
“Oh, for gods’ sake—”
“They’re red,” the twin pushes on, “and red means danger. In fiction, red eyes are symony—” he stops, spells it out— “synonymous with the supernatural. Vampires especially. Plus, lots of bad stuff is red.” He’s going off-script. “Blood. Fire. Sunburns.”
“Sunburns are pink,” Luke muses.
“No, like, bad sunburns, y’know?”
“Oh right, yeah.” There’s a shrug of agreement.
Sylus’s will to live is hanging by a thread, and they really don’t have a care in the world, do they? It must be nice. “Thank you,” he murmurs, “for your little investigation. If that’s all, I would—”
“Reason three!” Luke chirps, wiggling the same number of fingers, and Sylus’s head lolls back against the sofa.
“Miss Hunter is struggling to separate this version of you from your first impression,” Kieran says.
Sylus looks up. “What?”
Luke is rubbing his hands together eagerly, like they’ve finally gotten to the good stuff. “Well, you remember how you and Miss Hunter met,” his twin explains.
Words won’t do it justice, apparently, because the man begins to act it out. He reaches to grip Luke by the throat and Luke pretends to choke, fingers clawing at the grasp. Then Kieran stands up— throws Luke down into the chair and pins him there with his foot before snatching up his hand.
“See what I mean?” Kieran asks over his shoulder. “I mean, it must have been pretty traumatic. You kinda tore her away from everything she knew. Forced her to use her power, et cetera, et cetera.”
Sylus has gone quiet. He’s vaguely aware that the twins are moving, saying more, but he can’t hear it. He feels sick. Then he feels something different: someone poking at his arm. A hand is waved in front of his face, but he doesn’t react.
“Oh, we so got it,” Luke whispers conspiratorially behind him.
“Hell yeah we did!” Kieran whispers back.
There’s the sound of them high-fiving, and it spurs Sylus into action. He’s up out of his seat, out of their shadows, and then the door as well— long before they can stop him. He needs to breathe. He needs the cold night air and the quiet, and his strides drive him towards it, but not fast enough.
He’s about to use his Evol. To let himself evaporate so he can be whole again somewhere else, somewhere easier, but then he stops. He’s by an open door, glancing in at a decadent living room, where you’re sprawled over a black leather couch. This isn’t easier. This hurts, and it hurts more as he forces himself to close the distance between you.
You’re still asleep. You’ve been unconscious ever since that grenade went off, and it’s for the best, really; getting out of that place was… messy. Sylus’s shoulder still aches, the blood on his shirt now crusty and dark. Some of it’s his. Some of it’s yours.
He’s not sure why he’s still wearing it.
The twins did a pretty good job of patching you up, but— looking over you— he would have done better. It was his role, after all. His duty to you, or maybe just a reason to get close to you. He couldn’t do it today. Couldn’t touch you, no matter how noble the intention. And a little part of him was glad for the excuse; his hands always shake.
A blanket is half on your legs, half on the floor, and Sylus stoops to collect the edge of it. He draws it over your shoulder, adjusting it around your arms— at rest by your face. He’s close, now, and he…
He can’t help himself. When has he ever been able to help himself? He lifts his hand slowly; he wants to kiss you. Even though your blood is still drying on his shirt and it’s all his fault.
…
Someone’s hand is on your face.
The touch draws you back into consciousness, tender, careful, then suddenly sharp. “Ah,” you hiss. “Sylus?” Always first on your mind and your lips.
“Not even close,” quips the shadow above you.
“Kieran?”
“Bingo.”
You use your hand to block some of the room’s light as you open your eyes— a birdlike silhouette taking shape through the gaps in your fingers. “Where’s Sylus?” you ask, teeth clenching as the twin applies a thin strip of surgical tape to a cut on your cheek. “Is he ok?”
“Sheesh, relax. He’s fine,” Kieran tuts, then seems to reconsider, “well…”
“He’s brooding,” chimes a voice from behind you. “Out on the balcony.” Luke.
You rub at your eyes, still drowsy with sleep. “Why’s he brooding? What did you do?”
“Told him he traumatised you,” they speak in unison.
“What?! Why would you say something like that?”
“Because it’s true,” Kieran shrugs. “That’s why you and boss couldn’t, you know…” He twinkles his fingers.
Resonate? Ugh. You slide your feet onto the floor, sitting up straight for a solid second before you bury your face in your hands, omitting a few, pained whines. This is such a mess, and it only got worse while you were asleep. First that stupid grenade, now the twins.
A hand pats at your back. “There, there,” Luke soothes.
You turn to glare at him. His hand retreats.
Forget it; you have to find Sylus.
…
You step out onto the balcony, head full of apologies you’ve had all of a minute to prepare, and it isn’t enough. It felt fitting, in the middle of a shootout— everything was allowed to be frantic and from the heart. Here it’s calm, and if you ruin something— break anything— it’s going to be obvious. There’s no other violence to blame.
Sylus must hear you join him, but he doesn’t turn. He’s leant forwards against the rail, one arm folded upon it, the other outstretched: sporting a glass of liquor that hangs from the tips of his fingers and that he swirls gently, his gaze far away.
The twins really weren’t kidding.
“Hey,” you greet, and it’s sort of pathetic, but you don’t know what else to say.
“Hey,” Sylus returns, “are you—” he looks back at you over his shoulder— “are you alright?”
“Yeah,” you smile warmly. “I mean, the twins are giving me a headache, but that’s, like, standard.”
He smiles back: a courtesy. You’ve seen him grin through almost every type of pain imaginable, but this one is new. Think about what Luke and Kieran said. What he must be thinking. “Sylus, I—”
“You don’t have to explain,” he stops you, turning his body towards you. “Honestly, I’d… rather you didn’t.”
“Why?”
“Why?” he chuckles, masking a deeper hurt as he lifts his glass to his lips. “You’re really going to make me say it?”
You are; you hold his gaze as he takes a deliberately slow sip of his drink. He smirks, surrenders at once and admits: “I’m really not that strong, sweetie. That’s why.”
“What if I want to explain?”
The smirk falters, and his eyes make their own, sad, silent confession. If you want to explain? He’ll let you. He’ll stand here, listening patiently while you call him a thing of nightmares. While you break him, bit by tortuous bit, by reminding him just how frightening he is.
He turns back to the view, shrugs, but none of the tension leaves his shoulders. “Go on, then.”
“Sylus?”
“Mmm?”
“You don’t scare me, you know.”
His hand tightens around his glass. “Don’t.”
“Don’t what?”
“Pity me,” he grimaces. “I don’t need it. I know what I am. I’d just… forgotten what I was to you.”
Your captor. Your monster. Except that was a lifetime ago and he’s been so many more things to you since then. Tell him. “Sylus…”
“I felt it,” he snaps, because your voice is still so reluctant, and he’s going to save you the trouble. “When we tried to resonate, I felt it— your fear— just as deep as it used to be. I heard that same voice in your head, the one saying you wouldn’t let me in, couldn’t let me in, so don’t tell me I don’t scare you, sweetie.” The term of endearment tastes sour, you can tell. “I know how you feel. I know—”
“I like you, Sylus.”
“…What?”
You couldn’t take it anymore. “I like you,” you say again, and your heart is beating too quickly for eloquence, so you just have simplicity. “You don’t scare me at all, Sy. I care about you. A lot.”
Sylus stares at you, his eyes wide. There’s no confidence. No smile or drawn-out breath of relief. He sets his glass aside on the railing, gaze leaving yours for a moment, and you get the feeling he needs that moment as much as he needed the drink itself.
Then he looks at you again. Asks in a way that makes you ache: “do you mean it?”
Look at him. Your throat stings. “Of course I mean it.”
“Say it again.”
“I mean it, Sylus. I care about—”
His lips are on yours and the rest of your words are lost in his mouth. You, you say with the way you kiss him back, soft and slow, like you’re relishing something that might slip away. You, you insist— your hand finding his face, his hair, as he kisses you deeper, and you, you, you, when he doesn’t stop.
“Is this alright?” he murmurs, his fingers around your chin and his thumb tugging at your bottom lip.
“Mmm,” you confirm, equally breathless.
He laughs as he withdraws a little, still caressing your face like you’re something of a dream. “You’re not making this easy, kitten.”
“Worried you might traumatise me again?”
It's a low blow. He scoffs. “Luke and Kieran said—”
“Luke and Kieran once bought arts-and-crafts feathers for Mephisto because they thought the colours would make him, and I quote: more aerodynamic.” You pinch his ear playfully. “I can’t believe you let them get to you.”
“I know,” he groans, lifting your hand so he can press chaste kisses along the line of your knuckles. “Not my finest moment.” He guides your palm to his cheek— leans into it as he leans into an idea. “They said you hated my eyes,” he pouts.
You can’t help giggling. He frowns. “I mean— aww, no,” you scramble, but you’re still laughing. You can’t stop. “Your eyes are… yeah. So pretty.”
“You had to think about it?”
“There were just too many adjectives, y’know? I was struggling to—”
He kisses you again, saving you: crushing your laughter with his own, lightheaded smile. His hand finds yours as his lips move against you, your fingers interlocking as you resonate— chasing an instinct, a need to be impossibly closer— and you let him see everything. Feel everything.
It’s a mad tangle of opposites. Heaven. Hell. Life. Death. You don’t know what any of it means, but it’s yours and it’s his and it doesn’t scare you half as much as it should. Sylus breaks your kiss. He pushes his forehead against your own with a sigh of contentment, and it doesn’t scare him, either.
Savour each second. Think of some better adjectives, while you still have the time.
He’s going to earn every single one.
…
✨Epilogue✨
Inside, staring out through the floor-to-ceiling windows that separate the room from the balcony, Luke and Kieran stand, looking awfully smug.
“Mission accomplished,” Kieran nods, flipping closed his notepad, aptly titled: 101 Ways To Get Boss Laid! (There are only, currently, fifty-two.)
Luke’s arms are folded. “We’re like, the best wingmen ever.”
Kieran is silent. He repeats carefully: “Wingmen. Wingmen.”
The beaks of the crow masks gradually turn to face one-another. There’s a mutual epiphany, and both twins almost fall over laughing.
#🖋rach is actually writing#🌻 anon#sylus x reader#sylus#love and deepspace#lads sylus#lnds sylus#l&ds sylus#qin che#sylus x mc#sylus x you#lads x reader#lads#lnds#l&ds
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Under His Kutte
Pairing: Jax Teller x female reader
Words: 3.2k
Warnings: Rated E, 18+. Swearing. Sending a nude photo. Fingering. Unprotected intercourse.
Summary: When Jax forgets his kutte at your house, you make good use of it.
A/N: I am such a slut for this man especially when he wears a hat, and particularly when it's backwards. I stared at this photo for too long and needed to write about it, and with the help from @ramadiiiisme, this happened. Bonus action of The Hat™️ at the end 🫠
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The same flustered excitement you felt in your stomach every time you saw Jax stirred up again despite having only said goodbye to him a few hours ago, the benefits of him having accidentally left his kutte behind continuing to grace you.
You placed it back on the sofa where he had carelessly discarded it last night, pretending as though you hadn’t seen it there as soon as you walked out of your bedroom earlier that morning, his rush to leave after being woken up by a phone call from Chibs making him forget his most treasured item of clothing.
You sat on the barstool at the kitchen island, sipping from a cup of coffee you had been nursing, smiling into the mug when you heard your door open and Jax strut through it as confidently and comfortably as usual.
“I left my kutte,” he explained, getting right to the point while glancing around your living room quickly, lifting up the blanket and a pillow off of the loveseat before spinning on the spot to begin his search of the sofa.
“Oh, did you? I hadn’t noticed,” you lied, your cheeks feeling a flush that was partly from the heat of the coffee but mostly from the sight of Jax. He had his Reaper Crew hat on backwards, sunglasses still on, and the sunshine had kissed the skin on his face to tint it with a healthy pink that was the same whenever he was fucking you.
Finally locating it, Jax held up his vest with a smile before shrugging it on and walking over to you, his smile bright and playful, and you knew his eyes held the same sparkle behind the black lenses that covered them that you could never forget.
He leaned down and kissed you, bracing his arms on either side of your body to land on the countertop and cage you in, forcing your body to arch back into it as he delved his tongue deep inside your mouth.
You hummed when he peeled himself away from you, your eyes feeling heavy with lust as you watched him lick his lips.
“Did you forget it on purpose?” you teased, slipping your hands beneath the leather panels to feel the warmth radiating off his body through his layers of faded shirts.
He chuckled, his hands reaching up to cup your face while he nudged your legs apart with his, standing close to you where he was able to grind his hips against you.
“You’d like to think that, wouldn’t you?”
You giggled when he grinned at you before capturing your lips again, pressing his bulge into your core to make you moan into his mouth, the fervor of your kiss growing with each pass of your tongues.
“Fuck!” he hissed, backing away from you but still holding your face in his hands. “I gotta go.”
You breathed out a disappointed sigh, tilting your head to the side as you watched him step away and try to collect himself, hoping he’d convince himself to stay for a hard and fast fuck.
His phone rang in his pocket, and he dug to answer it immediately, a hint of impatience in his voice. “Yeah, I’ll be right there. I said I’ll be right there…Five minutes! Jesus Christ.”
Jax flipped it shut and shook his head as he replaced it back in his pocket, closing the distance between you again with another smile on his face as soon as he looked at you.
“I’ll see you later.” he spoke sweetly, his tone completely different from the one he had just used to whatever poor soul had called him.
You nodded, smiling again as he kissed you once, then again, chuckling when he finally found the strength to stop and back away from you.
He stormed through to the front door in a few long strides, giving you one last grin as he shut the door behind him, and you grinned to yourself as you picked up your phone and sent him the photo you had taken just after he had called you to say he was stopping by.
You listened for the roar of his Harley to start up, feeling giddy as you waited to see if he checked his phone before taking off.
Standing, you walked over to the window, seeing him sitting on his bike looking at his phone with a huge smile on his face.
Your phone rang, his name and number lighting up the screen, and you answered through a smile so big it hurt your cheeks, “Did you forget something else?”
“Are you kidding me?” he asked, his amusement clear in his voice. “Jesus fucking Christ, how am I going to focus on anything now?”
“It’s just a little something to get you back here.”
“Like I need the help,” he said pointedly, starting his bike where it purred loudly through both the phone and the walls of your house.
“I’ll be back to deal with you soon,” he both promised and threatened, making heat surge through your body like wildfire.
“See you later, Teller.”
You hung up, tucking your lip between your teeth to stave off your smile as you looked at the photo you had sent again, feeling more than satisfied with the reaction it had gotten out of him.
You wore nothing but his kutte, your body that he had already made tired and sore from a sleepless night on full display under his leather, the bare skin on your chest bearing the claiming marks left by his mouth.
He took off quickly, his engine rumbling so loud it vibrated the house and sent a shiver down your spine, and you hoped whatever it was he was going to do was done quickly so he could get back to you soon.
You did everything you could think of to occupy yourself; laundry, dishes, even baked muffins and whipped up a casserole, knowing Jax would be hungry when he got there, or if he wasn’t, that he would be made hungry from all the things you did whenever you were together.
The impatience you felt was beginning to outgrow your arousal, the desperation in wanting to have your hands on him and his on you becoming too much to stand any longer.
Not two minutes later did you hear the distant grumble of his Harley tearing through your neighbourhood, your body conditioned over time to respond to that sound and awaken a neediness and desire that never seemed to be sated.
Even though you expected it, you still jumped when Jax barrelled through the door with a hungry and desperate look on his face as he stared you down while kicking off his white sneakers, his grin sly and crooked.
“Why the fuck aren’t you naked yet?” he panted, crossing the room to get to where you stood waiting for him.
“Isn’t half the fun undressing me?”
“Yeah, but when I’ve been staring at that pic you sent me all day, I kinda want to get to the point,” he explained, his eyebrows lifting upward while he tugged his jeans down to the floor.
He still had his ball cap on, worn with the bill of it facing forward this time, the shade casting on his face making his blue eyes glow like flames in the shadow.
Jax slipped his kutte off, placing it carefully on the back of the sofa as if making a point that he knew where it was or would be needing it again soon, and stepped toward you, tipping his head and giving you a piercing look.
“Now, get naked.”
You obeyed with a grin, crossing your arms to grab at the hem of his ‘SAMCRO’ t-shirt, pulling it over your head where you had the satisfaction of hearing Jax’s breath hitch when your tits became exposed, and tossed it on the floor beside you.
Remaining in your panties, you went to assist him with his clothes, only to have him grip your wrists, his long fingers wrapping around them securely.
“That’s not naked, sweetheart.”
You glared at him as he released you, making a point to slowly hook your thumbs in the waist of them and inch by torturous inch, crept them down your hips.
“Jesus Christ,” he huffed impatiently, even though he was still smiling.
A furious look flashed in his eyes when you pulled them back up to their rightful place, challenging what he would do, and you gasped in equal shock and fear when he grabbed onto your thong and tore them roughly down your thighs.
He crashed against your lips, kissing you with a demand that reminded you that he wasn’t playing games, your body flinching when his fingers trailed along your hip and to your soaked pussy.
Spreading your legs further apart, you moaned into his mouth, rocking on his hand as he drove two fingers inside you, hooking them to massage your g-spot.
Within minutes he had you on the edge, fucking you with his fingers until you were a whimpering mess ready to completely fall apart, but he stopped his movements and withdrew his hand from you, smirking at you with a smugness that managed to turn you on even more.
“Fuck, Jax,” you hissed, your breathing sharp as an untamed feeling ran through your veins.
“Hang on, darlin’” he drawled, his tone all-too happy considering what he just did to you.
He took off his hat and then tore his shirts off his torso, leaving him in his boxers that did nothing to disguise how large and hard he was, and had he not tugged them off himself, you were seconds away from doing it for him, your need for him increasing to the highest point when his cock sprang free.
“Put the hat back on,” you requested, your voice so lusty it was almost unrecognizable.
You squirmed in place, seeing the surprise in his features as he did as you asked and placed it back over his messy, blond tresses that crept out wildly from under it, his expression turned cocky in knowing how horny you were.
A half-satisfied smile pulled at your lips when he stood up against you, wrapping his arms behind your back where his hands carded up and down, returning your smile.
You leaned back slightly, reaching up to grip the bill of it to spin it around, facing it backwards just as he had worn it earlier.
“Happy now?” he chuckled.
You nodded, “Mhm. Are you?”
“Fuck, no!” he admitted jokingly through another laugh, reaching over for his kutte that he hadn’t for a second forgotten about you wearing earlier.
Guiding each of your arms through it, he brought it up to rest on your shoulders, holding onto the edges of its opening as his thumbs moved to rub your nipples until they hardened, making you shiver while a breathy whine passed your lips.
“You’re perfect,” he whispered, his mouth so close to you that his lips grazed your parted ones when he spoke.
You let your eyes close, waiting for him to give you the pleasure he was never selfish with, holding your breath until you felt his lips press onto your neck and down over your chest, his hands falling to your waist and then your hip, smoothing over the curve of your bum where he squeezed your flesh and gave it a playful slap.
Your giggle was swallowed when he kissed you, and you felt his own laugh shake through his chest when you brought your hands up to it, sliding them up to cradle his neck and let your fingers dance where his hair brushed along his bare shoulders.
In a swift motion that caught you off-guard, Jax lifted you into his arms, allowing you to wrap your legs around his waist where he backed you up against the wall, thudding against the drywall as he pressed his body hard into yours.
Your nails raked across his shoulders and upper back, roaming to tangle in his hair that wasn’t trapped beneath his hat, and when he lined his cock up to your spread pussy and guided himself inside, you pulled at the strands that were woven between your fingers, his reaction to both sensations reverberating in your mouth.
Jax unleashed all his power on you, holding you up while slamming into you aggressively, the photos that hung on your wall rattling and banging with his barbaric movements.
Doing the best you could to move with him, you humped up and down in an effort to rub your clit on the coarse, wheat coloured pubes above his cock, feeling your climax begin to build again where it had been left teetering on the edge.
You caught Jax staring at your exposed tits, his vest having opened to put them fully on display where they bounced to the enthusiasm of his thrusts and your erratic rocking, his pupils blown out wide with lust.
“You look so fucking good, baby,” he growled, taking one last look at the erotic scene before meeting his mouth with yours, his kiss sloppy and rough.
A sweat started to break out on both of your bodies, your skin able to slip and glide on his easier with the harder you worked, the hair at the base of his neck damp when you moved your fingers along it.
Jax was always completely enamoured when he fucked you, but for some reason with you wearing his kutte today, he found himself in even more of a state, destroying you with reckless abandon to create the whimpering mess before him that he craved to see, the sounds he pulled from you the sweetest ones he'd ever heard. He was convinced it had something to do with the way his Vice President patch kept swaying beside your right breast as your chest shook in time to his ruthless pace, or the way the worn, faded, black leather and the white on all the labels that had turned dingey over time looked against your supple skin, and the thought of fucking you in it when it ranked him as President one day instead had him ready to explode.
The sense of pride he felt when it came to his club and displaying its logos was something he never took lightly, and seeing them on you intensified it even more, making it seem like no one else could wear them as well as you.
He became almost possessive, wanting to claim you and prove to you all the things he never vocalized all while knowing without hesitation that everything under that piece of leather was his and his only.
He kissed you roughly, not caring that the scruff on his face was turning your skin raw or that his teeth had knocked against yours more than once in his frenzy to get enough of you, feeling your pussy get wetter with every drive of his dick inside it.
“Fucking turn around!” he spat through gritted teeth, giving the order despite forcing you to do it anyway. He dropped your legs and had you spun around and planted against the wall in a matter of seconds, his hand wrapped around the back of your neck to guide you forward, pushing you down so you hinged at your waist and were bent over.
His other hand gripped at your ass to spread your cheeks apart, his cock finding your open cunt without needing any help, slamming into you so hard you had to brace yourself on the wall to stop your face from hitting it.
“God, I’m gonna - fuck! - I’m gonna cum, Jax!” you wailed, your ability to speak properly taken away when he reached around you and started rubbing your clit.
“Yeah?” he huffed, mesmerized in the sight of his glistening cock pumping in and out of you. “You gonna cream all over me, you fucking slut?”
The way he barked that name made you shiver, your mouth filling with saliva to a point you couldn't even contain it anymore, feeling it drool out as your jaw went slack and your climax billowed its way to the surface.
Exhilaration took over you, your moans and cries of approval of how hard Jax was fucking you making him increase his fervor, creating a domino effect of you growing louder and his own moans to sound out and intoxicate you further, the mix of everything so dizzying that it was impossible to imagine a better high.
Jax chuckled behind you, the sound maniacal and deliciously twisted. “That’s it, fuck…”
You let go, accepting the way his body threw you into a trembling orgasm, clenching hard around his cock as he proceeded to pound you mercilessly, hearing his grunts and growls increase in volume and consistency as he honed in on his own end.
He couldn’t look away, watching your combined milky spend leak out of you as he continued to fuck you, your ass cheeks shaking along to his irregular thrusts, the Reaper patch spread out across your back as you took every blow he gave you a sight he would never tire of.
His hand was soaked when he removed it from between your legs, bringing his fingers to his mouth where he sucked them clean, keeping his dick buried inside you until he couldn't anymore.
You closed your eyes as you worked at steadying your breath, your fingers continuing to grip the wall even as you slowly began to straighten your body, feeling full and close to him despite him having slipped from you.
Sweaty handprints temporarily stained the paint when you opened your heavy lids again, smiling at the tingling afterglow that filled your veins, that smile growing bigger when you felt Jax press his lips to your dewy neck where he kissed your sensitive skin with gratitude. You were spun around again, gentler this time, his sweet smile matching yours as he brought his hands up to cup your cheeks, your hands wrapping around his damp back to help support you as you stood on unreliable legs.
He was heavenly in his post-fuck glow, small beads of sweat dancing just below the edge of his hat, his skin tinged with a pinkish blush from his efforts, his pulse hammering in his neck. His lips looked more inviting than usual, plump and moist, and when his tongue licked across them before dipping to capture yours, you swore your own pulse ceased in its duties.
The way he looked at you when he pulled away after kissing you slowly was curious, a softness and devotion reflecting in his cerulean blues that made your heart beat faster after having just managed to regulate it.
“You look like you've got something to say, Jax,” you breathed, wondering if there would ever be a day that he would say what he felt.
He shrugged, his thumbs stroking your heated face as he tilted his head, looking between your bodies at yours clad in nothing but his kutte, seeing his cum dripping down your thigh.
“I think I'll be leaving this here more often.”
You both laughed as he kissed you again, shuffling forward to push you against the wall where he was able to press his lips to yours as much as he wanted to.
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Taglist: @sotwk @dailydragon08 @sunnys-day @thedreadandthefugitivemind @glassgulls @littlenosoul @glitterypirateduck @momia2910 @maggotzombie @rmwarn90 @paintlavillered @stealfromthedevil @kmc1989 @rhoorl
#jax teller#jax teller smut#jax teller x female reader#jax teller x reader#charlie hunnam#sons of anarchy#jax teller fic#sons of anarchy fic#charlie hunnam characters#samcro
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Danny had been planning this vacation for months, and Ancients did he plan to make the most of it. His friends and parents all agreed to keep Amity safe while he’s gone for the summer, and he had Clockwork to tell him when it was time to portal back home. As he floated towards a natural portal in the ghost zone (because it’s far more fun when the destination is a surprise), he began shifting his form. He had been dealing with so much both as a human and as a ghost. School, fights, teen drama, hunters— but not this summer! This summer, it’s going to be different! He won’t have to worry about human or ghost problems, because this summer, he’s not going to be either! He’s going to be…
A Little Creature™️.
He doesn’t use his “compact” form very often, since it dampens his powers and takes away his ability to talk. But, on this vacation, he won’t need his powers. He can just wander around an unknown dimension, steal some food, sleep in a cardboard box. If he actually needs to be human for something, he can switch back no problem. But honestly? It’s fun being a little guy, even if being a little guy does make him kinda stupid. (He got stuck in a cardboard tube the first time he went into his little form. He was stuck for half an hour. Didn’t even think to phase out of it. As soon as he was pulled out of the tube, he went right back in and got stuck again). Plus, he can stay in this form for an incredibly long time— he doesn’t even switch back when he’s hurt! (Which no, it was not fun to learn that, but good to know)
Shifting into his compact form, Danny slips through the portal and finds himself wading through a big pool of stuff that seems like ectoplasm, but slightly to the left. Like yeah, it’s technically ectoplasm, the same way a carton of milk set out in the sun for three days is technically milk. Not fun to play in, horrible to eat.
As Danny pulls himself out of the gross, bubbling “ectoplasm” pool, shaking himself off, he sees some sort of big fight going down. Bunch of people with swords, some big guy dressed as a bat, some kid dressed as a traffic light. He considers stepping in for a moment, but… no. This is his vacation. Not his dimension, not his problem. Just be a Little Creature™️. He sees a bat-shaped piece of metal at his feet. He knows exactly what a Little Creature™️ would do in this scenario.
He hits it.
Then he hits it again.
Then he hits it again, and again, and again and again and again and he grabs it and bites it and rolls around with it and tail slaps it and bites it and bites it and bites it and bites it and then he almost gets stepped on.
Danny looks up from his toy to see the kid dressed as a traffic light staring down at him. The kid tries to grab the toy away from Danny only to be met by the fierce batting of his little paws. The kid moves his hand close a couple more times, and each time he’s fought off valiantly by Danny’s little paw smacks. He’s not sure why the kid looks like he’s smiling when he’s so clearly losing this battle. The kid gets distracted by the guy in the bat costume calling out to him, and Danny takes this opportunity to continue biting the bat toy, rolling with it and biting it and batting it and biting it and why is he being carried away by the kid.
Danny looks around and sees that the kid is carrying him into a big plane being piloted by the guy in the bat suit. Then he’s shoved under the kid’s cape, and he doesn’t really see too much for a few minutes. He chirps at the kid, and is met with a soft yet quick “shhh!” He waits until he can feel the plane they’re in take off to peek out of the cape and look out the window.
He can see the large pool— though it’s more of a pit, now that he sees the whole thing— that he arrived through, as well as a bunch of people running away from it. Not sure why though, it’s just a bubbling—
Ah.
It blew up.
… Danny hides a bit further in the cape, clutching his bat toy a little tighter. He wound up in a very comfortable position, which made him just… a little sleepy…
Danny woke up wrapped in the cape, held by the kid, surrounded by a shocking number of people all yelling something about a “tiny pet pit demon.”
#danny phantom#dp x dc#dp x dc crossover#dc x dp#dp x dc fanfic#dpxdc#little baby man#little baby man danny#little baby man vacation
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Zoro drunkenly (or while tipsy) confesses his love to Sanji one night but, in the same breath, tells him it’s okay—he knows Sanji is straight and is fine with them remaining "only" crewmates, he just had to get these feelings out of his system. And Sanji is overwhelmed because ???? Where is this even coming from? Why is the mosshead suddenly saying these things? This isn’t how their relationship is supposed to work. They don’t do the whole talking thing, especially not about serious topics?? When they have emotions to work through they fight each other, maybe throw in an insult or two. But this? This is unfamiliar territory for Sanji, so he’s really not sure how to react, much less respond.
So he doesn’t; he just stares at Zoro, his mouth opening and closing. Zoro takes that as his sign, gets up from the stairs he’d been sitting on, and leaves for the sleeping quarters. It is quite late, after all.
The next morning while preparing breakfast Sanji is oh so tense. He’s still mostly confused because there’s just no way the green-haired brute could harbor any such feelings toward another human being—least of all him—could he? And what if this does change things? Zoro said it wouldn’t, but who's to say?
And Zoro acts like nothing ever happened, he's just the same old moss ball that drinks too much Sake and takes way too many naps during the day and Sanji is so confused and he's getting angry now, because how can he act so nonchalant while the cook is over here losing his god damn mind over this? Does Zoro maybe not remember confessing? Had he been that drunk?
And obviously Zoro DOES remember, and he's NOT calm at all. He's freaking out internally every time he and Sanji are in the same room, but he'd rather lose his remaining eye than have anyone notice. So he does his best to play it cool. And yeah, maybe he takes a nap or two more than usual, and maybe he spends even more time working out in the crow's nest than is strictly necessary, but that is nobody’s business but his own, isn’t it?
Bla bla bla cue Sanji questioning the universe and his existence, freaking out over his sexuality, sloooowly coming to terms with it and then freaking out again about telling Zoro and what it means for the crew dynamic etc etc.
Also Robin being somewhere in the background of the story, smiling to herself, sipping on her tea, because of course she knows something is up, and she has a pretty good idea of what it is about, even if she doesn’t know the whole story, because she knows pretty much everything that’s going on on the sunny, cause she’s the responsible older sister™️.
————————————————————-
I have never attempted to write anything before, not even a rough draft like this, but Zosan has been living in my head rent free for the past few months now, and once the idea for a possible plot popped up in my mind I absolutely needed to note it down. Oh well, I hope I am not embarrassing myself too much by posting this.
Anyways, this is the most I can offer due to a lack of actual literary skills, but I still hope you enjoyed!
The obligatory English isn’t my first language speech: please excuse any spelling and grammar mistakes, I tried my best, I swear!
#might delete later#idk#is this embarrassing?#I sure hope not#one piece#zosan#sanzo#sanji#zoro#roronoa zoro#vinsmoke sanji#black leg sanji#op#fanfic#fanfiction#rough draft#fanfic idea#monkey d. luffy#monkey d luffy#luffy#straw hat pirates#nico robin
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okay, but dealing with depression and anxiety from a young age completely rots your brain and tricks you into thinking/believing things about yourself that simply aren’t true. for example: i spent literal YEARS thinking i was the ugliest motherfucker alive, like my face was FUCKED. and now, i’m in my twenties and i’m like, bruh you are the most normal looking guy ever
#me spending my teenage years dating girls and thinking they couldn’t possibly ACTUALLY find me attractive in any way#like it must be pity or something?#nah they genuinely thought you were pretty/hot etc#like you should have believed them but like i get why you didn’t bc your brain was tricking you and that’s not your fault#genuinely can’t describe what i thought i looked like tbh#like i thought my face/body was wrong™️#like yeah normal puberty shit#but also depression/anxiety and gender confusion played a part#like i would look at other girls and think there was something deeply wrong with me because i didn’t look like them (pretty)#but like i know for a fact that those same girls felt as wrong as i did#like brains will completely fuck you over and it’s the WORST#but then you get to a place where you’re like kinda okay?#like i’m still unlearning a lot of that old shit but being able to actually look at myself in the mirror and not feel gross is progress!#like obviously i still have days where i don’t feel attractive but like that’s so normal#no one feels good 100% of the time#either about themselves or in general#i’m not the outlier#even tho i spent half my life thinking i was#also i’ve found that the most beautiful people in the world tend to not believe that#like the outwardly beautiful people who KNOW it don’t tend to feel bad about themselves in quite the same way? ya know?#genuinely have known some of the most beautiful amazing people who don’t believe it about themselves and it’s so bizarre to me#and like okay vaguely hypocritical but imao we know this#i will always make other people know they’re beautiful and i love them before myself and i always have#but again i’m working on that#working on trying to do both#loving my friends and reminding them they’re beautiful bc they are#and also learning to not be so hard on myself#anyways idk random thought i’ve had lately#gwen rambles#gwenposting
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