#no one feels good 100% of the time
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okay, but dealing with depression and anxiety from a young age completely rots your brain and tricks you into thinking/believing things about yourself that simply aren’t true. for example: i spent literal YEARS thinking i was the ugliest motherfucker alive, like my face was FUCKED. and now, i’m in my twenties and i’m like, bruh you are the most normal looking guy ever
#me spending my teenage years dating girls and thinking they couldn’t possibly ACTUALLY find me attractive in any way#like it must be pity or something?#nah they genuinely thought you were pretty/hot etc#like you should have believed them but like i get why you didn’t bc your brain was tricking you and that’s not your fault#genuinely can’t describe what i thought i looked like tbh#like i thought my face/body was wrong™️#like yeah normal puberty shit#but also depression/anxiety and gender confusion played a part#like i would look at other girls and think there was something deeply wrong with me because i didn’t look like them (pretty)#but like i know for a fact that those same girls felt as wrong as i did#like brains will completely fuck you over and it’s the WORST#but then you get to a place where you’re like kinda okay?#like i’m still unlearning a lot of that old shit but being able to actually look at myself in the mirror and not feel gross is progress!#like obviously i still have days where i don’t feel attractive but like that’s so normal#no one feels good 100% of the time#either about themselves or in general#i’m not the outlier#even tho i spent half my life thinking i was#also i’ve found that the most beautiful people in the world tend to not believe that#like the outwardly beautiful people who KNOW it don’t tend to feel bad about themselves in quite the same way? ya know?#genuinely have known some of the most beautiful amazing people who don’t believe it about themselves and it’s so bizarre to me#and like okay vaguely hypocritical but imao we know this#i will always make other people know they’re beautiful and i love them before myself and i always have#but again i’m working on that#working on trying to do both#loving my friends and reminding them they’re beautiful bc they are#and also learning to not be so hard on myself#anyways idk random thought i’ve had lately#gwen rambles#gwenposting
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who is your favorite AA character? 👁️👁️
ziska… I hope capcom brings her back someday
#shes cool as fuck to me bc when I first played jfa I found her really frustrating to deal with#not just as Phoenix but I mean like on a personal level she is challenging because she’s so thorough#and yet I also find it fascinating that she breaks the character she’s built for herself once in a while#i 100% believe that I don’t think she would have caught on to what Phoenix was trying to do while stalling for time with engardes trial#so it’s probably a good thing edgeworth subbed in but she literally busts her ass to bring evidence to court#almost right after having a bullet extracted from her WHICH SHE ALSO PRESENTS AS EVIDENCE. thats metal as fuck ok#especially since she would technically have nothing to do with the case after edgeworth fills in and she still decided to do that anyway#maybe it was blind faith to use that evidence to win since she wasn’t there for most of the trial but still#and even if canon doesn’t give it to me I still firmly believe there’s be at least some chemistry between her and Maya#like especially if you hold it next to wrightworth that works bc there’s already a history there and majority of Phoenix and miles trying#to relearn their relationship is Phoenix coaxing out that side of Miles that he remembers from fourth grade#but with Franmaya it’s something new and they’re basically strangers to each other and one of them almost got the other convicted#and I still think that’s fascinating and it’s a damn shame thay half of the fics I find for them on ao3 is background in wrightworth fic#i did find a good one that touched on Franziska trying to win pearls approval because Pearl does hold a grudge against her#and seeing that trying to live up to perfecting even her personal relationships without getting to know Pearl to even know#why it wasn’t working feels believable when I think abt her as a character yk#myart#my art#doodles#aa#ace attorney#franziska von karma
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THE NEW CHAPTER OF MISTAKES ON MISTAKES UNTIL IS OUT AND YOU ALL KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS~~~~~~
Spoilers for ch 74 below >:)




Head in hands. And then they all happened to be self sacrificial idiots.
Infinitely delighted by the fact that Optimus automatically decided to catch whoever was falling and only look who that was afterwards. 100/10. Peak Optimus writing.
#fic fanart#momu fanart#maccadam#transformers#jazz#prowl#jazzprowl#optimus prime#megatron#momu is so good it made me draw megatron again✊ this is what true power looks like#teeny tiny doodle of Ratchet#I love momu Optimus beyond imaginable#usually I’m much more interested in him while he’s still Orion#because Optimus feels much more restricted in his thoughts and actions you know#in fics. I forgot to say I was talking about OP in fics#but in MOMU? I don’t even know how to describe it?? He is so comforting#he is all responsible and noble but also JUST the right amount of whimsical and chaotic 🤌#also I WAS NOT PREPARED for that level of architectural descriptions#my brain went ‘bruh we don’t fucking know all those words for space station structure components let’s give up how about that’#ahahahahahdjdjjfjf#not a critique by the way absolutely not#I’m gonna reread this fic at least one more time to catch more details and understand more of#uh#*vaguely waves hands*#this. everything.#because I’m 100% sure the whole story is FILLED with more layers I haven’t catch purely because I didn’t know what to look for
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So.
We went from this for Starclan Cats:
To.
This:
Biggest downgrade of my life.
#warriors#warrior cats#this is almost worse than the disney live action remakes to me#like. i used to stare and study wayne mcloughlin's art in the code of the clans book for ages before moving on to the actual story#it was so good and pretty#richardsons's...#i feel nothing except mild disappointment and concern for his well being from harpercollins#cuz uh.#what kind of time crunch does the wc team/divisionshave him /on/?????#like. the star patterns for reedwhisker are....okay and look like stars#but mistystar..... she looks like she got dunked in the lake first#or like she could be mistaken for ferncloud...cuz man....those are absolutely 100% not stars on her pelt#props to reedshisker for being the first cat in ??? book covers for having a different expression (even if it's a lil wonky) though#star's cover gets one point#a starless clan
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Finally got Anjo Nala and J is NOT happy with the fact she’s in the suitcase now LMAO
#Fågel art!#reverse 1999#reverse 1999 art#reverse 1999 joe#reverse 1999 anjo nala#imagen waking up one day and your boss says your best friends killer is now your team mate#bro is NOT having a good time#evryone is out for nala in the suitcase LMAO#feels good to finally have the wet cat!#only took like 100+ pulls….
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my Stephanie Brown hot take is that she should get mad bitches now that she's single in comics. Yes yes shipping BUT the one time she had sex she was punished by the narrative via teen pregnancy. I think she should be allowed to have as much sex as she wants with zero consequences. Could be a lot of sex, could be a little. Point is she should get to do it without getting narratively baby trapped this time. she should get them pregnant, actually.
#ramblings of a lunatic#dc comics#dc#stephanie brown#this is a joke post but it also. isn't#like. i understand that what I'm asking for is a very slippery slope especially in the hands of the average comic writers (hates women sm)#but consider that i think it would be neat if female characters in the batmythos had sex lives again...#babs was out here having cybersex with ted kord in the 90s! helena had sex! black canary had sex and was kinda a gotham chara back then!#cass is generally more interested in justice than in sex and i abide by that#(tho user @casscain-mainly has great meta diving into the portrayal of cass' sexuality! good read and was on the brain while typing this)#steph however? canonical sex haver and got done dirty for it#like. personally i prefer to imagine that steph having sex with dean was 100% her choice#idk man she just felt like it! she wanted to bone#and maybe there's other factors at play there- Dean is by all accounts deeply unpleasant as a person so no doubt-#-stephs chronic low self-esteem played into her choice of man here#but again i like to imagine that it was all sane and consensual (tho not safe which again. lots to ponder there-#-like ik dixon was NAWT thinking abt this at the time but Steph's mom is a nurse. a semi-absent nurse but a nurse nonetheless)#(i find it hard to believe that Steph didn't have a basic sex education. meaning it was either a freak accident she got pregnant-#-or a wildly ooc decision on her part. OR some kind of outside pressure put on her by someone/something)#(we'll never know bc dixon hates me personally)#BUT ANYWAY yeah Steph has some kind of canonical sex drive and is just. soundly punished for it#and then she's with Tim (Paragon of Male Virtue in Dixons eyes) so no sex whatsoever no no no ☝️#and she's never had a seriously considered love interest outside of Tim to ever consider having sex with#ALL THIS TO SAY. let Steph have sex again but without the narrative punishment in 2025#if this is what it takes to get her back in bat books so be it#also she should get to hook up with some age appropriate fellow heroes. as like fun one offs#who's in her age range? blue beetle (jaime)? circuit breaker? assuming we're trying to make this canonical and (sigh) can't pull women#I'm blanking on men who aren't vaguely too old/young for steph or gay. or just awkward (i.e like. kon el. that'd just feel weird yknow?)#ANYWAY yeah. Steph Brown stud era
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The funniest moment in 3x07 is when Mabel has a breakthrough with the case, and starts pacing as she's theorising, walking away from Theo - who makes this face -
This is the 1000 yard stare of a man who has accepted the fact that Mabel will always keep forgetting that he's deaf.
#only murders in the building#mabel mora#theo dimas#mabel learning asl is awesome and so good to see#and its clear that whatever turn their friendship has taken is a good one for both of them#but it feels like this conversation has happened a few times#and mabel always does her best#but just forgets#but theo also forgets that mabel's signing isn't 100%#and signs too fast or too much#as seen in this ep#feels like a nice balance
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higuruma who likes wine. i'm thinking he likes it almost as dry as his coffee but he's very appreciative of the fruity undertones — like you can tell the mood he's in based on the wine he's bought.
he wins a case and he already has a bottle of pinot noir open and waiting for when you finally get home, tie loose and manspreading on the couch, hair tousled and a small dopey smile (yes he started without you but don't worry, he's sure you can keep up)
or maybe he's lost a case and you're pouring him a third glass of california cabernet in the warm bathtub, soap bubbles on his frown lines, arms wrapped tight around you while you straddle him, his teeth grazing your shoulder (he's literally just a brooding baby, hold him pls)
either way, he fucks you idk why i was talking ab the wine. idk anything ab wine. basis is he fucks you while wine drunk really.
#📰 — archive#spit in my mo—#anyways#hiromi is a wine guy#nanami is more of a whiskey guy#he prob buys his wine at the same store everytime#very particular ab picking whichever one feels right in his hands#idk he might be autistic i think hes literally me#do not let him pour your wine though#he'll never let you stop drinking#this man is here for a GOOD time okay?#hes not stopping til the bottle is ran thru#will 100% call you wasteful and tease you if you can't keep up#loathes being called an alcoholic bcus god forbid he has attachment to a substance other than you#jjk higuruma#higuruma x reader#higuruma smut
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Was always worried about the angst of unrequited love, had never realized the sheer amount of comedic potential that it has.
Imagine one-sided Superbat where Clark is fully aware that Bruce has a crush on him but is being his repressed self about it, and Clark is just like, “I’m not gonna touch that :) you’re going to figure that out for yourself, buddy, and in the meantime, I’m just going to have a good time and be best friends with you as you inevitably pull yourself together enough to either fall out of love or to confess :) and I’ll just let you down gently because I care about you :)” but he absolutely 100% is using it to his advantage in the meantime. His puppy dog eyes had never been so effective before. He’s gotten out of Monitor Duty three times in the past month.
#altho tbh personally if *I* were writing this all out I WOULD make requited superabt endgame#because it’s more fun#like clark is slowly falling in love with bruce while bruce is slowly coming to terms with being in love with clark#like bruce fell both faster and harder because. have u seen clark. who wouldn’t fold#meanwhile the justice league tease the shit out of bruce#and i picture clark as being a hell of a good actor because he HAS to be for his identity to work even more so than bruce or anyone else#so he’s very much able to keep his own feelings quiet when he realizes that he’s returning bruce’s love#and hey maybe u CAN bring the angst full circle back into this premise#like 1) clark believes somehow that people will inevitably fall out of love w him and that includes bruce#and 2) bruce when he finally figures out his own feelings for clark (way later than everyone else figured out him) probs realizes that clark#knew this whole damn time and didn’t say a word. and bruce is both justifiably mortified and falsely certain that clark does not return his#feelings because he’d have said smth by now if he did#even tho atp i would have clark return his feelings#also if u don’t believe clark wouldn’t 100% be a little shit about bruce’s feelings may i just present#literally everything he’s done to lois ever in every superman canon ever#<- i’m not saying that like he bullies lois or would bully bruce in this fic premise bc they both give it as good as they’ve got#and they very much pull a lot over clark so it all evens out or even falls in the other’s favor more often than not#anyway. yeah that’s my one (1) superbat fic premise.#part of the reason why i LOOOVE superbat and clois but haven’t written jackshit for either of them yet is that#i feel like there’s sooooooo many fics for both of them that i could not explore smth new with them ykwim#er well in the case of lois not just fics but like sooo many clois canons with their own takes and exploratons#superbat#superman#clark kent#batman#bruce wayne#simu's two cents#dc#also i wouldn’t touch the batkids with a ten foot pole.
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[A sad violin song plays over an image of a sad hamster]
Pac: This doesn't have anything to do with me – I wear a blue sweatshirt, you're crazy, this mouse doesn't even have a sweatshirt, this hamster! [Reading chat] Am I a depressed hamster?
[ Transcript continued ↓ ]*
–
Pac: Actually– that's fine! I embrace that idea – of course I'm going to be depressed, are you crazy? [He hits his desk, then starts counting off people on his fingers] Fit is gone, Richarlyson is gone, Ramon is gone, Bagi and Empanada who were always there when we were there are also gone, I haven't seen them! It's just me and Tubbo, and sometimes Philza shows up.
Pac: I lost Chume Labs, I lost the Favela, I lost Murder Mystery, I lost Ilha Chume Labs, it's crazy! Look at how much I've lost, and I've gained nothing! Of course I'm going to be depressed, are you crazy?! How am I supposed to be happy?!
Pac: [Reading chat] "You have us Pac," that's true, thank you. No, that's true, sorry.
* NOTE: Please note that this is an incomplete transcript, as I was primarily relying on Aypierre's translation mod at the time and if I am not confident of the translation, I do not include it. As always, please feel free to add on translations or message me corrections.
#Pactw#QSMP#Pac#March 18 2024#As much as I love keeping people updated about Pac / the other Portuguese-speaking creators#I think I might not make as many transcribed posts for their clips anymore#I just don't think I'm qualified enough to be transcribing things for a language I don't know#like yeah we have the Qlobal Translator and Aypierre's translators to rely on#And I'm always upfront when I'm not 100% sure about a translation#but I've been thinking about it a lot and it kinda makes me feel a bit icky. Idk.#I might be overthinking this but I just I don't want to spread around translations I'm not super confident about#esp. since I know a lot of people cite my clips in analysis posts or link them to other people as resources#and 90% of the time I'm like ''Hell yeah I love seeing people getting a lot of use out of the archive''#but sometimes I get a bit anxious like ''Did I do a good enough job translating this''#''Am I ruining someone's entire perception of a conversation or character because I left one word out or mistranslated something?''#And like I said that's normally not a HUGE concern since if I'm not certain about a translation I just won't post a clip. but you know#idk it might just be the anxiety talking but I really really don't want to spread bad info#Happy to hear other folks' perspective#I'm really grateful for people like Bell and Pix and others who translate clips and I always try to reblog those#but we don't have a ton of people posting clips & translating things on Tumblr since we're so English-centric#which is part of the reason WHY I like sharing clips of the non-English-speaking CCs#but at the same time I want to do an accurate job representing what they're saying#Maybe I'll just start posting things and give a TLDR context of what they're talking about but not a transcript#that way native-speakers can hop in and add translations if that's something they're comfortable doing#and if not then well. at least I'm not sharing something that isn't super accurate#idk I'm just thinking out loud a bit in the tags#But I'm open to hearing other people's thoughts on the matter#Anyways giant rant aside. q!Pac is NOT doing ok rn
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caps from comic Im doing
#not art yet. sorta#yeah that's one piece#outing myself this year as a sanji enjoyer#idk what compelled me to come back here (that's a lie I know 100% and it's haterism) but I did finally sit down and put down#this idea I've sat on for a Long time. bc I think I just. finally feel ready for it#or rather. both it and myself have been worn down and moulded enough by just. time passing. to be able to sit with each other in peace#but yeah I'm now neck deep in this (almost halfway thru inking!!) and Im learning a Lot#whatever u say abt one piece oda is a Phenomenal comic artist. one piece art-wise is dense on a level that makes me feel insane#like you barely see more than one type of screentone used and it's mostly to separate planes. its Just Ink. its fucked up#and drawing this comic is forcing me to show up on my a-game on a craft level as well. I love so much a Large part of it so far#comic is good guys. did u guys know that has anyone said this before#but yeah this one will! probably get posted to my main blog when the posting version is done. which is why I said in the prev ask#that the spheres might intersect soon lol#Im aware this is a stupid way to go about it if u look at it from a marketing/advertising angle. but thats not what Im here for#Im showing u cool bugs I made basically. and when the exhibit happens its gonna have mostly nothing to do with this#but yeah. if u see a comic with these caps in it in the future u will Know#otherwise we keep up kayfabe yeah? for fun. for comfort
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the oneshot I’m writing now is, I think, the weirdest, most self-indulgent thing in the world😭😆♥️ I’m having so much fun with it but…
I hope it all pulls together in the end but even if there is only one reader who loves it (me) I will be satisfied😌🫶🫶🫶
#sorry i am tired of talking about it & I wish I had time to draw too#like I have a million and one ideas but ZERO TIME !!!!!!!#I’ve been reading SO MANY short stories and lots of amazing books in the mornings before I walk the dogs#(waking up extra early 😆😆 like 5.30am early…)#anyways I feel like these stories are just feeding my brain#F Scott Fitzgerald…Cortázar…flowers for algernon (😭😭😭)…count of Monte Cristo….#rereading cien años de soledad AND MY GOD WHAT A NOVEL#muchos años después frente al pelotón#de fusilamiento el coronel Aureliano Buendía había de recordar aquella tarde remota en que su padre lo llevó a conocer el hielo#LIKE MY GOD WHAT AN OPENING SENTENCE🫨🫨🫨#and it’s just stuck with me forever how the village is so new that they didn’t have words for anything#if you haven’t read it please read 100 years of solitude like it will change your brain chemistry#García Márquez is just a master writer and you will feed your brain#my god sorry for these ramblings I just get passionate about reading#and I do not pretend to write at their level but my god good writing really does inspire me
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the clock is here. all hail.
i forgot to turn antialiasing to the right settings with my pen so it is. the little numbers are chunky. thats life sometimes. just dont zoom in too hard. if i fix it, i wont make a new post abt it ill just edit it on to this one or something [and state that i did so in the post]
prev post with noclock version
and as promised here is also progress pics, harvested from when i sent screenshots to friends as i worked. as a bonus ive also included various layer names and the 5 different names the file went thru. the parts i [very lazily] painted over with dark blue had not been done yet, ergo anything with dark blue over it is just the picture itself so do not regard it
i will now be nice to myself and work on my fanfic and smaller drawings for a while. i will do eye posts sometimes still when i get a slow day and wanna do some peepers for 3 hours, i have collected many eyes [klinger, fr mulcahy, trapper, margaret, charles, hawkeye, bj. ive been busy stealing eyeballs to paint on. theyre all on one document its pretty funny]. i will be doing my best to force the cast into my style so i can do quick stuff.
i also WILL do more paintings of full shots again, but. fellas. ive done 3 back to back full paintings with no other digital art projects in between.
this has been NOT good planning lol
not sure if i should tag everything again so i will just. do so? idk i have not been on tumblr hardcore since like 2018 and have never regularly posted so idk proper etiquette. im gonna leave off characters for this one ig
#mash#mash 4077#mash fanart#mash art#its me im back and i will now go to the countryside for my health for 5 months#nah but really my wrist is fine#i just strained it a lot from doing Too Much Art where my pressure needed to change and then the Hair twice and yeah#now i will go to bed at a reasonable time! [lie]#i forgot how much fun i had writing. rip#also when i decide to pick a big piece again im again welcome to suggestions#i prefer big emotions in the scene or specifically artistic shots#because certain ones can be funny or something but. i gotta stare at that for 20-30 hours#god this one was the worst because the lighting was so good. like u could SEE things#so i couldnt just 'teehee its all hidden' no you can see 100% of them 100% of the time#.my art#sorry to take up the mash tags again. i feel bad esp since its not a HUGE huge huge fanbase so i am diluting the waters more or something#or! i am lying to myself. to shame myself. equally likely.#anyway shoutout to fr mulcahy for giving almost the exact same kind of energy as my grunkle from ireland#its part of the reason i love him so much as a character. reminds me of family lol
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Noah fence but if you can't handle thinking about the actual story of Mouthwashing and you just want to imagine silly found family scenarios with the crew on the Tulpar then maybe you shouldn't be engaging with HORROR media...... just a thought.
#mouthwashing#100% gonna regret tagging it but whatever it's been on my mind a lot recently#i feel like mouthwashing absolutely should not have been fandom-ified the way it has been#I'm not saying that no one should enjoy it. I'm not saying that no one should make silly memes or hcs or fanart#I just feel like all the people who are like#“mouthwashing but nothing bad happens and everyone has a good time and Jimmy is a normal person and/or dies”#are kind of..... severely missing the point of the game#it feels almost disrespectful in a way. this game was clearly trying to communicate some heavy stuff#and ppl are just throwing that all away to play with the characters like dolls#I mean obv it's not really my business how other ppl engage with media but scrolling through the tags I'm like. man cmon#anyway Daisuke is my newest chew toy blorbo but if I try to draw him I need to actually be put down for real#rambles#(it's too late btw I already sketched him bc I was annoyed by seeing all the fanart where he just has a gash across his face)#(he got an AXE TO THE FACE)#oops it's 5 am lol
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my two favotite koi fish <3
#zhayu#my-art#AHHH i missed drawing them#LISTEN i haven't drawn them in 100 years#so yeah for the time being I gotta go back to WIPs I had from the previous years#THIS one however I drew now but it's my chιldren's book style#i gotta find my regular style again#ANYWAY i missed them so much#I am re-reading fics and stuff. Feeling really nostalgic#IT'S GOOD TO BE BACK
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for various rl and depression reasons I haven't actually gotten to play da:tv for quite a few days now, and I cannot adequately convey to you the sheer hilarity of the effect hearing lucanis' voice again just had on me. I was fully in the deepest trough of a depressive slump, still breathing but by no means what I would describe as 'alive', heard him Say Something (as he does), and immediately something in my soul went 'oh yeah no this changes everything actually I just forgot for a moment there sorry for the inconvenience'. like my depression is not healed or anything (it never is :') ) but it did lift its crushing weight from my entire being by a significant amount and let discernible light in where there had been pitch dark unshifting misery before. this is so funny. no real life human contact or warmth, no high ideals, no wise words encouraging hope, no awe nor curiosity over the infinite complexity and wonder of the universe has managed to do what lucanis dellamorte breezily coming to terms with the grand necropolis by grasping its role in nevarra's financial system just did in an instant, 'what like it's hard' style. no one is more baffled than me to find that it's not even a bit he just does that to me. that literally just happened. mary kirby I unironically kind of owe you my life
#emotional support lucanis dellamorte Saying (Insane) Things like they're the most obvious thing in the world saves lives apparently#dragon age#dragon age: the veilguard#lucanis dellamorte#listen. i feel so much shame all the time about how the things that seem to help other people... don't really seem to help me much#all the 'this is good for everyone' stuff fails to bring me relief pretty much 100% of the time and all it does#is add alienation and shame to the mix. this is a twenty year long pattern. I don't think there's much getting away from it#so when something does actually kind of work even if it's not replicable or under my control and it somehow is also FUNNY...#we must take those#perhaps I am a strange grotesquery of inconsolable pain untouchable by and implacable to human warmth and comfort#but at least I am soul-level committed to the bit and I suppose that is something#social connection meditation and healthy excercise? GOD how i've tried and over decades it has not cumulatively helped#even as much as this one blorbo moment did. i'm not ok but I am living in a universe suddenly where I understand the state#of ok at least conceptually. like oh yeah. it is a thing. it's not what I am but it is a state that exists. do you see what I'm saying#also why I frankly just don't care what anyone else thinks or feels about this game. to me it's been this and that'll still be true#no matter what. which is another kind of relief as well.
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