#I’ve come to realize I really enjoy Ray so I’m happy to see he was spared from the absolute bastardization they put Norman through

[w1lmutt]

Honestly that tpn joke manga had such weird ass way to flanderize the characters (especially Norman,,, that wasn’t parody, that was a crime against the Geneva convention)

I do find it funny that the choice they made for Ray was to make him the most sad sopping wet cat in the world

[lanitalay]

Before I Say Goodnight Chapter 11

a/n: Things are picking uppppp

Word count: 3.8k

Warnings: Angst! canon typical mentions of violence. some fluff

Other Chapters

You spent an hour showing Azriel all the photos on your phone and telling him the stories behind the really silly ones. He’s fascinated by all of it: your life, your world. It’s all so foreign yet so similar to his own. You turn it off and turn to him “I feel like I talked too much” you smile sheepishly. “Not at all, I love listening to your stories” he looks around and then says “want to do something fun?” 

“I don’t think this was a good idea” you are stiff as a board as Azriel leads you around the frozen Sidra. “Do they not have ice skating in your world?” One foot slides in front of the other and you almost fall flat but he keeps you upright. “Yes we do but where I lived it didn’t snow so I never did it” you shiver. “You need a thicker coat, this one won’t do” he holds your hands and skates in front of you. He spreads his wings to block out most of the wind. “Bend your knees a little” you do as he says and feel a bit more stable. “Az, I don’t mean to be a downer but can we do something else?” He chuckles, “sure” and changes course. 

You’re walking up the path to the River House and linger a few steps behind Azriel, spotting a fire pit. “Let's make smores!” he doesn’t know what they are, you realize as he stares at you with no recognition in his eyes. “Come on” and drag him to the kitchen. 

“Ok so you put the marshmallow on the stick and roast it until it gets melty, then you make a little sandwich with the chocolate and the crackers” you explain as you hand him a marshmallow on a stick. You involuntarily giggle as you watch him methodically twirl the stick so the marshmallow is evenly roasted. “What?” He asks “nothing”, you look back to your own marshmallow and curse when you realize it caught on fire, now it’s him who laughs. 

“Try it” he looks comically large with the tiny smore in his hands “I’m sure I’ll like it”. You insist “try it!” He smiles and bites down and his eyes go wide “it’s good isn’t it?” He nods “it’s really good” you do a little dance, excited that he enjoyed it. You moan when you bite down on yours “I missed these”. 

Your head is on his shoulder and his wing is wrapped around you as you watch the sun come up. “Are you going to go back with Lucien?” You suppose the bubble had to burst at some point. Reality sets in as the first rays of sunlight hit your face. “Yes” he doesn’t say anything for a while “I’ve missed you at the house” you focus on the sunrise “I’ve missed you too, but I’m doing better now” his wings shift. “What was so bad about being here?” The ice on the Sidra is sparkling now. You lift your head from his shoulder “nothing was bad. But I felt isolated and the days in the library were driving me crazy. My life revolved around the portal and getting back. I loved spending time with you and the others… but I felt like I was caged in. And in the Human Lands I’ve been able to move forward. I really like what I’m doing at the Apothecary and can see a future for myself” he nods. “You don’t see a future here? With us?” You shrug “not really. I really appreciate your friendship and all of your help but my life will be much shorter than yours… and I can’t imagine aging and withering away while all of you remain intact” his face hardens. “So what? You’ll build a life in the human lands and forget that we exist?” You knew he wouldn’t be happy with your answer but couldn’t bring yourself to lie. “I’ll never forget you, but I would like to have a regular life, similar to the one I used to have”. You can hear the house start to wake up behind you “if I asked you to stay with me, would that change anything?” You stay quiet for a moment. There was something between you, more than friendship. “No. You wouldn’t have a full life with me”. He grabs your hand “that’s not true”. A breeze ruffled the barren branches  on the trees around you “yes it is, I have sixty years left if I’m lucky. We wouldn’t be able to have kids and soon enough I’d just be a burden” he turns his head to face you and you remain looking ahead. “You’d never be a burden. Not to me” taking a steadying breath you look at him “let’s just enjoy the rest of the holiday, yeah?” He thinks about it, clearly not happy about the outcome of the conversation “alright”. 

“I think this is a bit excessive” you turn away from the mirror and look at Azriel. He is doing a terrible job of concealing his amusement “you need a coat”. You scowl “yes, a coat. This is more of a collection of pillows sewn together. I can barely move my arms in this, how am I supposed to ride a horse?” He can’t contain his laughter as you strain to move your arms. The coat was made for someone much taller and bigger than you but Azriel insisted you try it on. “Oh, I’m glad you are enjoying this. Help me take it off” he lifts the heavy coat from your shoulders and you wipe sweat from your brow. “That thing is like a sauna” he hands you one that looks more wearable “try this one”. It was much better than the last, lilac colored and lined with high quality wool, the outside was a flexible waterproof material “I like it”. He was smiling when you turn to him “that color suits you”. 

“We’re leaving in the morning,” Lucien tells you. You knew your visit would be brief, God knows what Jurian and Vassa have gotten up to while the two of you were away, but it still stung. “Alright” Lucien walks over to where you’re sitting “you can stay if you want”. You shake your head “no, I told Muriel I wouldn’t be gone long”. He nods. “We should probably go have dinner with everyone” you stand and link your arm with his.

When you returned to the Manor you quickly rode down to the Apothecary. Not willing to sit idly as your thoughts spiraled. Muriel was happy to see you. “Hi, darlin’. How was your Solstice?” You take off your coat and go to hug her “it was really nice. How about yours?” She lets out a long breath “It was very hectic, let me tell you. The whole family got together at my little house and my niece’s baby would not stop cryin’. Poor thing had a fever the whole day”. You frown, I’m sorry to hear that '' she shrugs “he’s teethin’, not much can be done about it. That’s a pretty coat” you grin “it was a present”. Her eyebrows raise “is he handsome?” You blush “yes, very”.  Who is he? Is he from the village?” You shake your head, “he lives further North”. Muriel didn’t know about your situation. She knew you lived in one of the big houses in the countryside but she did not know that your roommates were a Mortal Queen, a resurrected male and an heir of Autumn. “That’s a shame, I would’ve loved to tease you” at which you laugh and begin to work “I’m sure you’ll find other things to tease me about”. 

The weather was brutal after the Solstice. Everyday got colder and colder. You had started to leave the Apothecary after lunch because the road to the Manor would become treacherous with afternoon snow and ice, some days you couldn’t go at all.  

You left the shop when it had started to snow, wanting to avoid getting trapped in the small space. You weren’t expecting to be caught in a blizzard.  But twenty minutes after leaving you could not see more than a foot in front of you. Panic. Fear. Cold. You did not know what to do in this situation. The only thing that did not seem completely suicidal was to stay in place and hope the blizzard passes quickly, then you could find your way home. 

You never found out how long the storm lasted. 

Never made your way home. 

A cold blunt object struck the back of your head and the world went black before you hit the ground. 

It felt like an elephant was stomping on you. You take a few breaths before attempting to open your eyes. Each movement sent a wave of pain up your spine and to your head. When you peak through half closed eyes. It was dark. Eyes open fully now and you can barely see your hand in front of your face. You’re lying on your side on cold stone floors. What the fuck. When you lift yourself on all fours the world spins and you empty your stomach immediately. Concussion. The last thing you remember is the sound of metal against something hard. My head. Your heart starts to beat faster. Reality setting in. Crawling around the room, you find that three walls are pure stone and one is a metal grate. You feel for any other injuries and sigh in relief as you realize you are fully clothed and unscathed. Your stomach drops as you hear wood creaking. Light flooding the chamber you were trapped in. Slow steps approach. Low voices murmuring. There’s more than one.  You crawl to one corner and make yourself as small as you can. If you can’t run then you might as well try to hide. 

“You say a new one was captured yesterday?” an authoritative voice echoes. “Yes, sir. Her capture was executed during the blizzard. The men took extra care to leave no traces” no response. “Which cell is she in?” The steps stopped “Number ten, sir”. “Very well, go prepare the horses, I’ll be done here shortly” steps fade away as whoever was there leaves. Heavy steps near the cell. You try to breathe normally but your heart is beating too fast. Even crouched on the floor you’re lightheaded. “What do we have here?” you don’t dare look up, keeping your head tightly between your arms. The voice is laced with the promise of violence. They strike against the grates of your cell. The sound makes you jump, your head lifting as your arms come out in front of you, trying to block the impact. Your eyes are shut and a few seconds pass before you open them. You clam up, recognizing the male on the other side. 

“Y/n?” the male asks, genuinely confused. 

Lucien had winnowed to the Manor after visiting Tamlin. Each visit was worse than the last, this time Tamlin only grunted at him, still in his beast form. It was light out when it started to snow. “Where’s y/n?” He asked Jurian “at the Apothecary”, Lucien frowned. The weather was bound to get worse and the Manor was about an hour on horseback from the shop. “I’m going to get her before she gets stuck in the blizzard” Jurian nodded, and said teasingly “I should go with you, humans are still uneasy around your kind”. It was the truth, there were humans that still feared the fae. Lucien couldn’t blame them. Generations of fearing his kind and the recent war gave them more than enough reason to harbor animosity towards them. 

He waited down the street from the shop while Jurian went to tell y/n they had to leave. “Muriel said she already left” his shoulders sagged in relief, “she must be home by now” and winnowed back to the Manor. 

Lucien suspected that something was off when the horse, his horse, was missing from the stables. He decided to wait half an hour before going out to look for her himself. 

He knew that something went wrong when the horse showed up in the middle of the blizzard. Without a rider. 

Vassa confirmed that something had happened when the sun set. “It was a convoy, they knocked her out before she knew what was happening. I followed them until they reached one of the tunnels”. 

“Why am I here?” Your voice is uneven. Eris’s eyes are wide “my father ordered that you be captured”. 

“Why?” 

“I don’t know, but you won’t be here for long” his voice was gentle now, you had never heard him speak like that. Most of your interactions were sarcastic retorts. The door opens again “Sir?” 

“I’ll be up in a minute” he shouts to the same voice from before then looks at you again “are you hurt?” You nod “I think I have a concussion”. His nostrils flare “anything else?” You shake your head. He looks towards the door again then back at you “come closer”. You manage to get up and walk towards him, leaning on the grates as the world spins. He whispers “I’ll be back later. Do not speak to anyone. Don’t react if someone comes in. You being here must be a mistake, so just lay low and I’ll get you out soon” you nod “where am I?” He sighs “this is the Autumn Court dungeons. I’ll be back soon. Remember what I told you”. He steps away from the cell and walks towards the exit.  You have no choice but to huddle in the corner and wait. 

Eris was utterly terrified when he saw that she was his father’s new project. She is just a human girl, he thought as he walked up the stairs and out of the dungeons. What business could Beron want with her? She won’t survive a week down there, let alone torture at the experienced hands of his father. He did not want to think of what would have happened to her if it had been one of his brothers that had made the round today. Eris cut his routine patrol of the Forest House grounds short and made his way to his fathers study. 

Three firm knocks on the mahogany door “enter”, his father commanded. Closing the door behind him he waited to be addressed. “Sit” Beron was reading over some papers, only after he was finished did he look up. “What is it?” Eris remained still, his posture perfectly straight, his face poised in an unreadable mask. “I saw the human girl in the dungeons” Beron leaned back in his chair, relaxed “and?” Eris continues “she seems irrelevant, why waste the time and resources to retrieve her?” The low chuckle that escapes Beron’s lips makes him nauseous. “She seems to be the Night Court’s newest pet. I thought I’d have some fun”. “How is she involved with the Night Court?” He shrugs “I’ll find out when she and I get the chance to talk” it takes more effort that Eris would like to keep his rage unnoticed. He stands and before he is able to leave his father’s voice stops him “when you see Lucien again tell him his choice of company is utterly disappointing” he nods and takes his leave, winnowing to his private wing on the Forest House.

Once he is alone he runs his hands through his hair and lets out the string of curses he had been holding in. The thought of his father being alone with her for even a second makes him sick. He knows she lives with Lucien and he knows she has ties with Night. How long has he been watching her?  He needs to get her food and water, Beron would let his political hostages starve for less. Being associated with Rhysand would be enough to have her flogged.

It's after midnight and the house is dead quiet. Eris winnows from the kitchen to the dungeons without making a sound. He creates a fireball that hovers in front of him for light. The dungeons are pitch black without it. When he makes it to her cell he is relieved to see that she remains untouched. He needs to get her out soon. “Hi” her soft voice brings him out of his thoughts. “I’m sorry I took so long, but here” he hands her a bowl of warm stew through the grates. “Thank you” she reaches for it and immediately digs in “here is some water as well” he says and places the bottle on the floor. “My father knows about your ties to the Night Court” she stops eating and looks straight at him “he has plans to… question you” she gulps. “I need you to tell me everything. He won't tell me why he’s keeping you here and I need to know what he knows so I can get you out” he can see her thinking about what to say. Weighing her options. 

She takes a breath and tells him everything. 

The next day, Eris winnows to the Manor of Exiles. He knocks on the door and is disappointed to see Lucien on the other side. He knows where y/n is but a part of him hoped it had been a hallucination, some sort of roundabout fever dream. “What is it?” His brother has clearly not slept. “Y/n is in the Autumn Court dungeons awaiting questioning” Lucien pales and Eris goes on “Beron has been spying on her for a while, he is aware of her, and your, ties to the Night Court and is going to use her as leverage”. He follows his brother to the sitting room and is forced to repeat what he said to Jurian. “How do we get her out?” Eris explains the situation: Beron’s special interest in you, the guard outside of the dungeons and the grates that only open if his father wills it. “You have to tell Rhysand” that wasn’t a conversation Lucien wanted to have. He didn’t want to see the Shadosinger’s face when he heard the news, he didn’t want to face his wrath. There was no way around it though, so as soon as Eris left he winnowed to Velaris. 

Knocking on the River House door felt like a waste of time, so he just walked in and b-lined for the adjoined studies. He cursed internally when he saw two sets of wings and a shadowy mist. “Rhysand, something happened” the High Lord scrapes his talons along his mental shields and Lucien lets him in. “Gods above” he mutters and looks to the Shadowsinger “what?”. Rhysand sighs “Az, sit down for this” Azriel does not. “Tell me” Lucien speaks first. “Y/n was kidnapped by Beron”. 

Azriel must’ve blacked out “what?” he repeats. Rhysand shows him what Lucien had shown him. The horse without a rider, Vassa telling what he saw from the skies and Eris informing him that their friend’s disappearance was not an accident. He’s going to be sick. He’s going to kill Beron. Siphons flare, cobalt lights the room. “Eris said that they haven’t touched her, if we act soon we can get her out unharmed” Lucien’s voice brings him back. He has to think clearly and they need to come up with a plan, fast. 

Eris winnowed back to the dungeons. It was mid afternoon. He thought that she would probably be hungry by now so he stuffed an apple and a bread roll in his pockets. It was all he could sneak out of the kitchens without raising suspicions. Everyone in this house had sworn loyalty to the High Lord of Autumn and helping feed one of his prisoners was punishable in many ways. He lit a fireball and walked over to the tenth cell, hopefully hearing that the Night Court would be helping in getting her out would keep her spirits high. He hated the fear that had settled on her face. He was used to seeing her in the sunlight, her eyes glittering and cheeky smile always fighting to be seen. His heart sank when he saw her on the floor, in a fetal position, breath shallow.  “Y/n?” he lets out a breath when she stirs. “Y/n, wake up” his stomach drops when her head lifts to look at him. A bright purple bruise covered her left eye. It was swollen but not shut. She had a gash from where his father’s ring had made contact, just below her brow. “Shit, what did he do to you?” She sits up and winces when she puts pressure on her arm to crawl closer to him “I stayed quiet like you said, but I think that made him angrier” he scanned her face and it looked like it had only been one punch, which was tame for his father. He looked over at the rest of her and scowled when he noticed dried blood on her dress “where did the blood come from?” The gash on her eye was not deep enough to have trailed that much blood. She took her right arm out of her jacket and showed him a thin but deep slice down her forearm. That was new, his father was never careful about the cuts he made. His only goal was to inflict pain. This was a precise incision, it showed intention. “I passed out from the punch and when I woke up my arm hurt like hell”. This was worse than he thought. “Here” he hands her the apple and bread “I’ll bring you more later tonight when the house is empty” she takes the food and immediately bites into the bread. A small moan escapes her. “I spoke with Lucien, he is informing the Night Court right now, you’ll be out soon”. She doesn’t respond, he wouldn't believe himself either. “Hey” he reaches into the cell and lifts her chin “I promise” he feels a tingle down his back and he knows that she’ll have a matching mark on hers “what was that?” She looks worried “It’s just a bargain mark, when I get you out, which I will, the mark will disappear”. He hadn’t noticed how pale she was, how much blood had she lost? “Eris?” he hummed “promise me that I won’t die here” he nods “I promise”. 

“You called for me,” Beron motioned for Eris to sit. “Keir has invited us to his Court for a ball. I accepted his invitation on behalf of all of us. You’ll be escorting the girl” odd. “Why would we bring her?” he asks with an arrogant flare. “In order to the destabilize Night Court we must weaken them and I have a feeling that when the Shadowsinger sees her by your side he will take himself out of my way”.  Eris nodded “when is the ball?” His father picked up the invitation and read “Two weeks from today”.

Shit. 

“Very well”.

taglist: @luvmoo

[fortifice]

*violently jumps on your back* I LOVE YOU RAY! I love how elegant and immersive your writing is, I love the in depth headcanon posts and drabble one-shots you wrote giving us insight into Gepard’s mindset and the details behind the scenes you don’t get to fully explore when writing with another person.

I ADORE his character growth from someone who was taught to toe the line and obey without question to realizing even the heroes whose footsteps he’s following aren’t infallible and have fucked up despite doing the best they could in really dire circumstances.

Don’t get me started about our dynamics together! I LOVE writing and chatting with you about Gep and Aven, I love how he is with Serval and Lynx. I’m also a big fan of yours & Terios’ writing together because it’s like reading a really long slow burn fic and I’m just 👀 the whole time waiting to see what happens next.

I’m not going to lie, most of the Jarilo quests were kind of a haze to me because I didn’t even fully understand what the game was about for like the first month of playing it, but you write about Gepard and Belobog so COMPELLINGLY that it’s making me want to start a throwaway save just to replay it because you’ve made Gepard, the Landaus and everything about their stories so interesting to me!

Anyway I’m done babbling but. It’s v normal to question and have doubt about your writing and portrayal, we’ve allllll been there. I just wanted you to know how fun and talented I think you are!

Thank you luna ????? :pleading: i’ve done my best to show insight into my portrayal in ways that sort of reflect the way he acts and interacts with the world ?? so i’m glad that you and others enjoy reading my drabbles and hcs and seeing what makes gepard landau the suffering gay that he is !!! Ive had alot of fun plotting with you thus far and it’s interesting to see that while they both come from entirely different walks of life that they sort of ?? have an understanding between them that is reflected in alot of our writing ? As for the ray and terios writing train I cannot promise you that this slowburn train isn’t heading straight for angst because it will :)) so strap in for that !!! terios won’t let me have happiness for more than 2 minutes at a time so i dont forget that chaos is coming for gepard landau and for me :)) thank u great aeon aha  :’))) And it’s just nice to know that my writing sparks an interest in belobog and the characters involved in that world / quest line because they all mean alot to me and allot of them mean alot to gepard too :’)))) Thank you for enjoying my writing and stay tuned for 100000 more years of gepard landau suffering. 

[jenyifer]

Breaking Boston pt8

Okay the hostel scene. I’ve talked about it in the ray and mew parts. But let’s be self indulgent here that’s what I’ve been doing anyways. I hope if you have read my other parts you realize by now… I’m following the scenes and results just making it make more sense to ease the burn. I like my idea of Nick already being in the hostel being brought by Sand that I talked about in Mew’s part but this is the more realistic version. If you don’t want to read that’s okay. This is for me to heal and hopefully help someone else feel better.

Sadly I do believe Boston would have shown up and would have tried to apologize to Mew and Ray. I think he would have tried to enjoy their friendship one last time even if it was strained. I believe Ray would have tried to have been his friend again to some extent. The Narrative would like us to believe Boston would have let Nick come to his own conclusion and Nick won’t have talked to Boston in the time between their fight and NYE. Boston doesn’t like replying to messages sure but I think when he showed up and Nick wasn’t there with Sand he would have messaged him to check that Nick was alright because Boston cares for him.

Jenny’s fix: Boston shows up with presents for each of them for the hostel. He gives his photo of the fab 4 and the photo of Mew and Ray saying he is grateful to be invited and he’s truly sorry their friendships ended. I feel like that apology would be much more true than the one he used. When he gets to Sand to give him a photo of Sand performing on stage but infront of Boston is the back of Ray and Nick’s heads in the photo. Boston looks anxious and asks if Nick is really not coming. Sand acts cool but tells Bostons how hurt he’s made Nick and Nick probably is with Dan or at home. Boston tries to go back to his normal self but during the truth or dare game Boston is reading over his messages to nick. We see messages every day with Boston talking about things he wished he was doing with Nick photos included so like lunch crossing the street touristy shit. Then Boston sends a final message to Nick saying he really wants to see him before he leaves. Boston is at the hostel and he has a present for Nick. He promises to respect him if he shows up.

Nick in the narrative does show up for Boston one more time. I was happy he did. I won’t have changed this scene.

Okay BostonNick in the car I wanted them to talk at all so I’m going to fix things here

Jenny’s fix: In the car Boston thanks Nick for coming. Tells him there is no one he’d rather be with regardless of what Nick’s time thinking has resulted in. Nick can be a little quiet but he tells Boston he wants to be here tonight next to Boston’s side. He’s proud of Boston for meeting up with his friends again. When Boston pushes for an answer about what’s going on between them Nick dodges saying let’s talk about that later. “Let’s enjoy the now” Boston nick fall into banter about what SandRay TopMew are talking about. Laughing about people in love. Trying to ignore the end that is coming at them at lightning speed.

[winchestercult]

Hell's Comin' Chapter Five

AO3 link for anyone who wants to read it there

Tiktok link

Art: Our lovely Rocks himself

Word Count: 5426

Fandom: Supernatural

I'll figure out how to actually write up posts like this the more I do it now onto the fic! Enjoy!

Dawn was fast approaching. I hadn’t pulled an all nighter like this in quite some time now. Not since the first few months in rehab… I couldn’t sleep, I was sick and in pain. However, an important thing in recovery is a routine. When I first got to the rehab center, it did take a while for me to settle into a routine. Especially the routine of a normal person and not a Hunter. I have to admit the sleep schedule was pretty great, but any sleep schedule is better than a Hunter’s 3 to 5 hour naps…

That’s beside the point! The point is rehab helped me with a schedule, a set routine of 7am mornings, activities given for the day, and lights out at 9pm. Well rounded days really, though I didn’t go to sleep at 9. Usually I’d read until midnight or just after, other nights I let my Winchester bloodline write in my journal. After writing down all the dark scary thoughts, it’s really just the hunts I’ve been on but to a normal person those are scary but those stopped being scary before I even hit double digits, then I’d go to sleep. The next day I’d get up and do it all over again, wash, rinse, repeat. 

I had gotten used to it, but laying on these leather seats, looking up and watching the passing clouds, pink from the sun’s position in the sky, I’m getting that nostalgic feeling. I catch a ray of sunlight to the eyes and winch. Joy. A headache is coming on and I can feel it. But it’s really nothing new, none of this is. It’s a normal feeling. Not a new normal, or a normal for any other person. This is an old normal. A familiar one. I’m slipping back into how it was before, and I know…this is a problem. 

“Hey Sammy?” I move to sit up in the seat, the sun’s rays flashing my vision. I lift my hand trying to shield my eyes from it. Sammy turns his head my way, humming in question at me, also squinting from the light.

“What have you been up to? Besides the whole college thing?” I ask him. I realized I haven’t thought too much about what my brothers would be up to while I was away. Sure I know Dean has been hunting still and Sam has to have been in classes and everything but the details I didn’t really think about. I tried not to have reminders that my brothers have been carrying on without me…

Before I get too lost in my thoughts Sam opens his mouth to speak. “I uh-”

“Sammy’s got himself a girlfriend!” Dean cuts in, grinning like he’s spreading some teenage ‘hot gossip’ while he reaches over and slaps his hand on Sam’s chest. Sam grunts out a gruff “Dean” and rubs at the place Dean’s hand hit him.

Instantly I’m intrigued, leaning forward to get closer. “Ooo? Who is she? What’s her name? Where’d you meet? How’d you meet? Is she cute? Oh! Is she blonde? You’ve always been into blonde-” 

“And when was your last girlfriend?” Sam cuts my rapid fire questions short, accompanied by a “Ha!” from the driver’s seat. My eyebrows furrow, taking a moment to actually think about it. 

“2000…2001? I think I was 15? Maybe?” I reply after a second to count back the years.

“Jesus, dude you need to get laid!” Dean exclaims, turning his head to make quick eye contact before looking back to the road.

“Aye! You said girlfriend, man.” I defend. Dean lifts a shoulder and tilts his head in one of those ‘fair enough’ motions. I turn back to Sam then. “Anyway, what’s her name?” 

“Jessica” Sam responds, a hint of a smile on his face from where can see. “Definitely a blonde” I say, watching him shake his head and chuckle. “Yes, she’s blonde.” he sighs.

“I’m happy for you man,” I clap him on the shoulder and continue. “Really, I know I’m giving you shit, but I’m happy you’re doing so well.” He turns his head to look at me again, the smile he has growing.

“What about you?” He asks as I lean back in the seat.

“What?” I ask, confused.

“What have you been up to? Dean said he dropped you at Bobby’s about a year ago.” The air in the car grew thick as Sam spoke. My eyes snap to Dean’s in the rearview mirror. Just as quickly though, Dean’s eyes move back to the road. Realization hits me. He told him. My thoughts reeling, I stumble out my question. “How…much..” I pause gathering my thoughts better. “How much did he…tell you?” The end of my question dying out as I shift in my seat, my eyes falling to my folded hands in my lap.

“Mase-” Sam starts, I don’t even have to look up to know he’s got that pitying look in his eyes.

“Ba ba bah!” I interrupt. “How much did he tell you?” I ask again, dreading his answer.

“He knows, Mase.” Dean speaks up from the driver’s seat, avoiding eye contact when I glance up at the mirror. I huff and run my hand through my hair.

“Okay…okay that’s fine.” my mind is blank as I try to think of a way to change the subject. “Um I don’t want to talk about that-” I don’t finish that sentence before Sam cuts me off.

“You don’t have to, but what have you been doing? Since then, I mean.” and truthfully I’m grateful for his attempt. It takes a second for me to respond while I think of something not related to the program. 

“Well, I uh, I have a councilor I talk to…” I cringe, and keep staring at my hands, picking at my nails while I think. Say something, anything. I don’t want to talk about the program

“I read a lot.” I offer up. Sam chuckles at that then clears his throat. “Let me put on my shocked face.” 

I roll my eyes at that but a small smile tugs at the corner of my mouth. “They have a workshop… I built a bike.” I say, hoping he gets caught on the bike and not the program’s workshop. 

“You built a bike?!” Sam’s interest spiking. Relief washes through me knowing the mention of the bike worked. Honestly I’m excited to talk about the bike.

“Yeah! 40’s style. The ones they used in World War Two!” God I love that bike. I could talk about it forever if they let me. I pause, debating if I want to share this next part. It’s quiet for a moment and I make my decision. 

“I’ve uh, I’ve been there about a year.” I take a breath, hoping they don’t math out the time I’ve been there from the time I was supposed to be at Bobby’s. “They started talking to me about getting a job…” I look back down at my hand again. That same feeling of shame coming right back up. I hear shuffling from the passenger seat, but don’t look up.

“That’s good Mase,” Sam says. I know he’s looking at me but I can’t bring myself to look up. “...really good. I’m proud of you.” he says, tone much softer now.

It’s silent. Dead fucking silent. I’ve been waiting for someone to say that to me for decades. I thought hearing it might make me feel better, make the shame feel less heavy. But this feels uncomfortable, gross, like I don’t really deserve it. How can I believe my brother when he says that when I know he really can’t mean it? No he really can’t mean it. I haven’t earned that for doing normal shit. I squeeze my fists up tight and release them, only to do it again. I don’t deserve it…and again…I really don’t deserve it…and again. Open…closed…open…closed. 

“God. I’m sorry.” I can’t stay in this car. It’s too uncomfortable. “Can we stop somewhere please?” I need to get out now.

“Uh yeah..There’s a motel up there.” Dean says and I know he’s nodding his head in the direction up the road. 

~

“Two beds, and uhhh” Dean turns my way for a second, “a couch.” he finishes as faces the guy behind the counter again. I hear the soft clack of a card hitting the counter, a fake credit card no doubt. I know he just turned to make sure I was still there. It feels like he thinks I’m going to bolt. I could feel his eyes, both their eyes, on me when we were getting out of the impala. It doesn’t matter though. I wasn’t going to run, I just needed to stop and get out of that stifling car.The guy behind the counter makes a sound, bringing my focus back to here and not the conversations I have running back through my head. 

“You guys having a reunion or something?” The guy asks, and I watch him look at card and then back up at Dean. What’s he mean by that? But before I can ask, Dean beats me to it. “Beg your pardon?” 

Sam and I glance at each other, as I uncross my arms and step a little closer, curiosity and confusion making their way through me. 

“Guy came and needed a room.” The guy says, motioning in the direction I assume has to be the room he’s talking about. “He booked for the whole month.” As he says that Dean turns my way, his eyes catch mine then flash to Sam’s. This guy really did, didn’t he. Sam and I glance at each other as Dean looks back to the guy behind the counter. No freaking way. “Oh well thank you for your time sir.” and we leave just like that, Dean leading us right back out to the impala. I’m still confused as I follow Sam and Dean out wondering how He could have known we’d have stopped here. What are the chances?

Dean pulls the passenger door open then, shuffling things around, looking for something. Probably to get into the room we could have asked to get into. 

“You know, we could have just asked him for the key, I mean, he already thinks you’re his son. But nooooo that’s way too easy right?!” I huff out, exasperated and rolling my eyes. I realize that was probably harsh when Dean’s head pops out of car at the same time Sam stares at me. 

“Sorry that was supposed to be an inside thought not an outside one” I flush, embarrassment creeping up the back of my neck as I turn to move around the back of the car. I hear Dean shuffling things around again so I know he’s back to searching for whatever he’s looking for, a quiet ‘yeah, figured’ following. God, I need a cigarette, but I don’t think I have a light. I walk back up to the passenger side, bending down a bit and leaning over him slightly. 

“You got a lighter in there somewhere?” I ask him, scanning the stuff he’s rifling through just in case I see one. He pauses for a moment. “...no” He finally says, returning back to his digging. I sigh, knowing he’s definitely lying.

“Are you saying that because I want to smoke?” I ask him, irritation sparking at his attempt to curb my nicotine habits. “Yes.” He responds and it sends me into a mild uproar.

“YOU DO HAV-!” My rant is cut short when the door hits my side, causing me to yelp and grab my side. 

“Get out of here!” Dean grumbles out as he pushes me out of the way so he can stand up and fully shut the door. This time I’m not in the way to get more car door bruising. He then tosses something over to Sam, and I catch a glimpse when he catches it and holds it out to see himself. A lockpick kit, classy. 

~

It doesn’t take Sam long to get to work on picking the lock. I stand nearby, my back to him as I scan the parking lot. Thankfully nobody is around to witness our breaking and entering. My eyes snap to the movement in the main office building. I uncross my arms and squint, taking a step in that direction trying to figure out if I actually saw movement there or if the sun caught the window glass just right. As I go to take another step closer I’m yanked backwards into the motel room Sam got open.

I grumble, readjust my jacket, and take a scan of the room. The state of it’s unsurprising really. I head over to a lamp in the corner and quickly flick it on, illuminating the chaos on the walls. Papers everywhere, red strings attaching missing person’s posters to other bits of information likely connected to the case. Dad’s sure been busy. So busy, in fact, he couldn’t even clean up. There’s trash thrown around, food left out, the bed unmade. Looks like he left in a hurry…if it weren’t for the fact that there weren’t any clothes or weapons or really anything of his. He left this mess for us to find, not to find him. Awesome. Dad left us a case. All of us. Did he know Dean would come to get Sam and me?

As I think through the possibilities of Dad planning on us being together, something on the wall catches my eye. A poster. Specifically the woman with long dark hair, dark eyes, and the same article I found in the library. The words above it read Woman in White. My hand comes up to pinch at the bridge of my nose as a sharp tick of pain zips through my head. Then I hear it. I hear Her. 

‘I can never go home.’

It’s so quiet, I’m almost convinced I didn’t hear anything. I glance at my brothers, taking note of Sam squatting down and running his fingers through what looks like a salt circle. They didn’t hear anything I’m sure, as I turned back to the poster. I know it’s Her. But my question is, “why can’t you go home?”

“What was that?” Dean asks, bringing my attention back to them. I hadn’t realized I’d asked that question out loud.

“Nothing,” I respond, turning again to my brothers. “Just thinking out loud and if this was a woman in white, surely he would have burned the bones already, right?” I stop between them. These two fucking giants why do they have to be so damn tall?

“Looks like he left in a hurry.” Sam says, motioning to the trash. He turns back to us, eyes meeting both Dean and mine in turn. “We need to go talk to the husband,” Sam starts heading to the door, Dean close behind. “Find out where she’s buried-”

“Hold on.” I interrupt, both my brothers turning to look at me. Sam’s looking at me confused and Dean is looking around my feet like I found something. 

“First and foremost. For the love of god, Dean, go take a shower. You smell like dried up death.” Sam burst into laughter, looking at Dean. Dean just sighs and rolls his eyes, making his way in the direction of the bathroom. “Yeah yeah.” he grumbles out, swiping his hand backward at me as he walks away.

Finally a moment of peace. I think as I hear the shower sputter on. I make my way to the other side of the room and let myself just fall. My body crashes down onto the messy bed, the mattress too firm to be comfortable, but the pillow under my head definitely eases the ache in my skull.

“Get me up when he’s out, would ya?” I ask Sam as I push my hands under the pillow under my head and let my eyes close. 

“Yeah man” I hear Sam off to the side, probably looking through more of the clippings on the wall. I let myself relax and enjoy the quiet in the room, the water running from Dean’s shower, and the quiet shuffle when Sam moves to examine more of the wall.

“Tell me more about Jessica.” There was a long silence before I heard Sam stepping closer, the bed dipping where he sits down. I crack one eye open, glancing down at him. He’s staring down at his hands in his lap. I can tell he’s getting lost in memories of her.

“Well…” He starts. “After I finished highschool, we met our senior-” 

“Cute~” I interrupt him, grinning when I hear him scoff. “Anyway,” He continues, smacking at my boot. “She’s a nursing student, getting ready to graduate actually.” He’s got a soft smile on his face as he continues, “She’s too sweet. Kindest person I’ve ever met…I love her.” He says the last bit quietly. 

“Hey, Sammy?” I ask him, careful to not disturb the fragile feeling in the air. He hums in response, looking my way as I move to sit up.

“Why…why did you say yes to this?” I don’t even know if he heard me ask. I continue, I mean you have a beautiful girlfriend, a highschool diploma, and are in college to be a lawyer. You’re gonna have a nice life, so…why say yes to coming back to well…” I trail off gesturing to the room around us. He looks around the room, taking his time before he stops at the bathroom door. 

“I could ask you the same thing.” He says after a moment, turning to me. The rush of Dean’s shower the only sound in the room. In the quiet, I sit to really think about it. Why did I say yes?  

“...It’s what you do for family.” I know it’s not what I really think, hell they aren’t even my words. They’re Dad’s and we both know it. He lets out a chuckle as he shakes his head. 

“Thought you’d say that..” He says, pushing himself up off the bed. My attention pulls toward the bathroom door when I realized the shower stopped running. A moment later Dean steps out, a towel draped around his shoulders, one end in his hand to dry his hair. At least he’s clean and fully clothed, there were plenty of times when we were younger that he’d just walk out naked, scarring us for life. 

“Dean” Sam starts the same time I do. “Sam and I were-” I stop, Sam and I catching each other before I nod to him to go ahead. Sam turns back to Dean.

“Dean, I wanted to say I’m sorry. About the stuff I said about mom...that wasn’t cool” Sam says, rubbing his hand on the back of his neck. A thing we all seem to do when we’re nervous.

“Aye, Nuh uh! No chick flick moments.” Dean shakes his head, waving his hand dismissively. “Go talk to the husband, I’m gonna grab some grub, Mase,” He points past Sam at me, “You’re with me.” I barely registered Dean’s orders, stuck on what Sam was saying.

“What?” I’m up on my feet, looking between my brothers. “What did he say about mama?”

“Nothing” Dean dismisses me and heads toward the door. “Come on.” His keys jingling in his hand. He pauses at the door, turning to Sam while I stop beside him. It looks like they are having a conversation between themselves. I’m not going to pry.

“This isn’t over, you know.” Sam chuckles and shakes his head. I follow as Dean heads out the door.

As we make our way toward the impala, Dean bumps his elbow against my arm. “I don’t know about you, but I’m feeling burgers.”

I huff out a laugh and shake my head. “That’s all you…buddy…” I trail off, something in the corner of my eye catching my attention. Someone’s approaching us. Shit. A uniform. I tug on Dean’s jacket sleeve, his head turning slightly. We keep walking like nothing’s happening, but I don’t miss Dean pulling his phone out of his pocket, no doubt warning Sam. 

“Dude.. five-o, go.. They kinda spotted us.” I don’t hear Sam’s responses but I really don’t need to, the uniform is getting closer. “Go find Dad.” Dean flips the phone shut just as the men following get to us. 

“Gentlemen! How can we help you?” Dean turns his charm right up. 

“Where’s your partner?” They question. I glance up at Dean but he doesn’t return my gaze. 

“Partner? This is the only partner I got.” He motions toward me. We are so fucked right now.

“So Fake Partner, fake US Marshals, fake credit cards, is there anything about you that’s real?” One of the men lists off and I already know before I see it Dean’s got a shit eating grin on his face. Don’t say anything stupid, Dean. Don’t say anything stupid. Don’t say anything-

“My boobs~”

I hear the slam before I see it. Dean’s pressed against the hood of the car. My hands are already on the top of my head before I even realize it. While I’m watching Dean get man handled on the truck of the impala. I feel another officer grab my wrists and pull them down to the center of my back. I get pushed down onto the trunk beside Dean. I hold still, making no sudden movements nor any fighting back. It would only make it worse. 

I squeeze my eyes shut. The cold metal of the cuffs against my wrists stealing my focus. The clinking sound with every movement, my hands getting slick with sweat.  I’m suffocating, getting lost in my own head. I’m back in that office, bent over the dark oak desk. I can barely hear my rights being read to me while I’m flitting back and forth between the present and the past. Dean. Sam. Help me. Please. I can’t do this alone. But this desk is too cold, too metallic.  Dean’s yelling I can hear him in the distance. His struggles shaking the car beneath me.

That’s right. Dean. He’s here. Pressed to the back of the impala with me. We are in Jericho. I’m not 13 years old. I’m with my brothers. I’m not stuck in there. I’m hunting a woman in white, not being hunted. And Dean. Dean is right there, He’s just a few steps away. I can feel the impala’s cold metal against my cheek.

I force my eyes open, searching for Dean. He’s there, just beside me. This isn’t that dim little office, there is no torn carpet, no smudged devils trap. And no Father Malakai…

My panic subsides with every breath I take, every note of the present I make. There’s pavement under my feet. My face is pressed against the midnight black of the impala. Dean is being pulled away, no nonono Dean is being pulled away! My breathing picks up again just as I’m being pulled up. He’s just being pushed into a squad car. That’s all. He’s okay. And so am I.

I breathe for a moment, resting my head forward on the plexiglass in front of us. “Dammit Dean!” I grumble, not bothering to move from my spot. The crash from my panic induced flashbacks hitting me.

“We’ll be fine, quit your grumbling.” He responds, and from the direction of his voice he’s looking out the window, probably taking note of the cops around us. His response sends a spike of irritation through me and I snap up and spin to face him.

“Getting arrested wasn’t part of the plan!” I snap. 

Dean leans back against the seat, his head lolled to the side to stare out the window before he responds, “well it is now. Just keep your mouth shut. Sammy will get us out of this.” He says it so calmly and matter of fact. It annoys me.

“Screw you…” I mumble out, turning toward my own window. 

~~~

“Mason is it?” a voice sounds in the holding room I was brought to. I look up toward the doorway to one of the men from the bridge. I choose to stay silent when he meets my glare. At that, he nods and takes a seat in the chair across from me. 

“I thought that might be your name, least from the notebook we found-” I can’t keep the shock from my face as I ask him “What notebook?” He’s talking about Dad’s journal. But how? He doesn’t go anywhere without that thing. There’s no way he left it in this ass backwards town.

“Listen kid,” He starts again, leaning forward and resting his elbows on the table. “Your case doesn’t look good.” I lean back in my own chair and cross my arms. 

“I mean between you and your partners, the fake ID’s, the impersonation of government officials, and not to mention all that satanic crap all over that room. Why don’t we just start with who and what you actually are.” 

I clear my throat as I shift myself again, leaning forward and lacing my fingers together to place them on the table. “You really want to know?” making a show of looking past him to the door then back at him and lean just the smallest bit forward. I watch as he leans in, nodding, to hear me like I’m about to give him top secret information. He’s eager. Good. I can’t stop the grin that forms as I say my next words. 

“I’m a Cancer.” 

Immediately his face drops and I push back in my chair cackling.

“I see you get your attitude from Mr ‘my boobs’ back there.” He comments, irritation lacing his words. 

“They are real, you know, grew them himself.” I take on a matter-of-factly tone, watching his jaw clench at my sarcasm. “Anyway, the logistics of my so-called partner’s chesticles, or rather breasticles, aside,” I wave my hand dismissively. “Am I a suspect?”

“What do you think?” He answers my question with a sarcastic one of his own. 

“Well,” I start off, more serious than I was a moment ago. “ I think that you have no proof that I specifically have committed a crime. You have no probable cause in arresting me, so you should probably take these handcuffs off before you have a bigger mess on your hands.” I lift my hands about the table again, this time letting the cuffs clank against the desk and turn my wrists outward, grinning at him as I do so. 

“This is a very serious investigation son-” I cut off his speech, already knowing where this is going.

“I have the right to remain silent, anything I say can and will be used against me in a court of law. I have the right to an attorney. If I cannot afford an attorney one will be provided for me. I understand these rights and I do not wish to speak with you.” I repeat my rights to the officer, rolling my eyes and bored with the words I’ve heard plenty of times. “I’d like a lawyer.” I finish, leaning back and holding eye contact. 

“You little shi-” I cut him off again.

“And a cigarette if you don’t mind, thank you.” I smirk at him. Movement in the door window behind officer grouchy pulls my attention. A younger officer is peeking in at me. Dark hair, light eyes. Kind of a cutie. 

“Hey, that guy there.” I nod toward the door. Officer grouchy turns and catches sight of the cute guy before turning back to me, brows furrowed in question. “Yeah? What about him?”

“If I have to get a pat down, can he do it? He looks like he’s got a Huge…personality.” I’m grinning as I look the younger officer up and down, as much as I can see in the window of the door, and meet his eyes then wink. He dips back behind the door and I can’t see him anymore. I return my focus to the officer in front of me, watching him shake his head in defeat as he stands up. 

“We’ll see about getting you a lawyer.” He grumbles out, turning and making his way to the door.

I move forward in a false panic, “Wait before you go!” I start and wait for the officer to look at me again. “Unlock my cuffs?” I raise my wrists again and add a pout. “Pretty please.” Officer grouchy groans and walks out, slamming the door harder than probably necessary. As I slump back in my chair again and let out a huff of air, I notice movement again in the window. Officer Cutie is peeking at me again, so I send a little air kiss his way and notice this time before he disappears from sight again, a little blush. Cute~

Every now and then an officer filters in and asks if I’m ready to talk yet, and every time they are met with my response of “I don’t know, you have my lawyer yet?” They scoff and walk out then more time passes and another comes in, wash, rinse, repeat. I haven’t seen Dad’s journal since the first conversation and that has me only a little worried. Honestly, they are probably using it in Dean’s interrogation, and that’s my only reason for not trying to actually get them to bring it back. 

After a few rounds of ‘get me a lawyer’ the older officer from earlier comes back in. He tosses a small, square packet at me, still keeping the table between us. It bounces off my chest down into my lap. A nicotine patch, I realize, looking at it and picking it up. A wicked grin graces my face as I look up at the officer and reach for the patch. 

“Wow, not the first time a little square package has been thrown at me, or the last really. Though that’s definitely in more…hm..intimate situations.” I hold the bottom corners with both hands and up to officer grouchy, putting on that same pleading pout I had earlier. “Can Officer Cutie come put it on me~” 

“Do you have an off switch?” He rolls his eyes at me and shoves his thumbs into his belt, watching me while I pull my sleeve up.

“I don’t know, wanna find out?” I reply, managing to get the patch on the underside of my arm. Just as I get the patch placed, Officer Cutie, the light eyed officer, pokes his head in the door, knocking twice to announce himself. He’s a little frantic as he says, “Sir, shots fired, we gotta go!” and I watch as they rush out the door, locking it behind them. Now I wait. It won’t be long… just a 3…2…

The door handle starts to jiggle, a couple quiet clicks and then it’s swinging open. Dean crouching on the other side. He gives me a goofy grin before standing up and rushing over to me. 

“Give me your hands.” He says, holding his hand out to grab one of the cuffs on my wrist. His other hand comes up and I see the answer to the question I haven’t had the chance to ask. He got out with a goddamn paper clip. Genius I think, shaking my head, and watching him move to the other cuff. I rub my wrists as the cuffs fall, clattering on the table. Great now to get out of here. I stand up and look around the room but stop when I feel Dean smack my arm. I turn to him, then to the spot he’s pointing at. A window. Dean leaps up first, then turns, reaching down to help me up after him. As we make our way to the fire escape Dean questions me.

“So you’re a Cancer now?” He’s grinning. They must have questioned him the same way and pointed out my obvious lie considering they have my information. I chuckle and follow behind him down the escape ladder. 

“Yeah!” I look down to see him step onto the pavement and out of the way for me. “And you’ve got some ‘very real boobs’.” I laugh out, jumping down beside him. 

“Oh hell yeah!. Grew them myself.” He puffs his chest out in a pose. I smack his chest with the back of my hand, laughter getting louder, as we make our way out of the alley and away from the station. “That’s what I said!”

[itsstrange]

Solace

Relationship: Billy Butcher x Reader

Prompt: “I know you’ll always love her but you need to keep living/going,”

A/N: Just wanted to apologize for taking so long to deliver this request, I’ve just been very busy with life that I stopped writing for a while but I’m so excited and happy that I got to finish this Fic!! Another reason why I took long to finish this was because I was trying to add as much details as I can before I published it, and with that being said I really hope y’all like this!! 💚✨

Requested by @vegetarianmonster

->Takes place right after {2.08} <-

Got a prompt in mind? Click Here

Summary: Losing his wife caused nothing but pain, anger and lost, however, it also made Butcher realize a couple things.

Word Count: 5.4K

Warnings: Mention of Death, Hurt, Comfort, love confessions, Fluff.

————

Enjoy! ✨

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————

“You sure you’re okay?”

“I’ve had worse don’t worry,” (Y/n) softly grunts as she lowers her shirt, hiding the bandages around her torso,

M.M scoffs as he puts away the medical supplies, “Fine. Just don’t be hollerin’ me when you start coughin’ up blood,”

(Y/n) carefully chuckles at the man. She knew he didn’t mean it, he cared far too much to let her die from.. anything really.

Sitting on the trunk, legs dangling in the air, (Y/n) let’s out an exhausted sigh as she clutches her side. The day has been truly fucked and extremely long. The air around them was still tense, everyone felt it and everyone was affected by it. It was worse coming back in the car, dead silence engulfed the small space, felt as if one small simple noise would trigger the awaiting burning flame.

Once they had arrived to the park, everyone couldn’t be more eager to get off the car and breathe freely, yet it still felt like everyone was walking on egg shells.

“What a fucking day,” She whispers to herself, earning an agreement noise from the man beside her,

“He’ll never outlive it,” M.M comments, but continues with, “At least not on his own,”

(Y/n) shakes her head in disbelief, “Who would? You can’t just pretend..— you shouldn’t,”

“He will,” That had her looking over to the man, they give each other a knowing look before she slowly nods her head along with a soft ‘yeah’.

Silence settles between them once again, birds chirping, cars honking in the distance, and trees swaying from the wind is only heard around them. ‘Don’t do it. He won’t want it, he’ll push you away just like he did the first time. Let him grieve alone, in his own way, his own pace’. The voices argue in her head as she thinks about it. A part of her knows it’s a terrible idea, but another part fears of leaving him alone to soak it all in by himself. Knowing from experience, (Y/n) knows it’s dangerous to accept the feelings alone, nothing good will ever come out of it.

Knowing too well that her mind is all made up, she carefully hops off the trunk, slightly groaning when pain shoots up her right side. With a hand holding on to her wound, she slowly makes her way across the field, ignoring the way M.M is eyeing her as she walks away, but not bothering to protest or stop her from her plan. He knew too well it would be no use with her, but he also knew it’s what he needed.

It didn’t take long for (Y/n) to reach them. But not wanting to disturb the grieving pair, she stood leaning against a tree trunk. Keeping her distance. Ray-ban shades on her face and cigarette between her lips, she watches them both.

From where she stood she can see Butcher and the kid sitting next to each other on the grass, looking out towards the lake of the park, both silent as they most likely replay the devastating memory.

Guilt settles heavily on (Y/n’s) chest as she watched them both, staring out to the lake with a sadden, pained, glazed look on their faces. Oh how much she wished she could have done better, fought harder, but there was only so much she could do, she was human after all. Going up against a hundred year old supercharged Supe with immunity towards bullets did not cut it, and it was moments like that-that had (Y/n) second guessing on her normality. She knew, if she had the V in her system she’d be able to fight against Stormfront and give them time to make it out. She would have made it out if things were just.. different. If (Y/n) was different.

(Y/n) is brought out of her thoughts the same time Butcher begins to pull on his necklace, and to her surprise watches as he gently slips it over the kids head. The sight alone tugged on the girls heart. Billy Butcher may be a complete maniac, mess, asshole, scoundrel human being, but he still has a heart. Yes, it has been ripped to shreds numerous times, printed with anger, hate, and violence, but at the end of the day.. that same torn up heart—that is barely hanging on, still shows a glimpse of light. He may not see it, but she can. And it’s enough for her to work with, gives her some hope that he is still worth fixing, or at least to put back together.

The sound of tires rolling on gravel and sounds of doors shutting breaks her focus from the pair. Straight ahead was Mallory and her guards, just as the Deputy Director makes her way over, Butcher and the kid get up from the ground. (Y/n) remains in her spot, quietly watching as they make their way towards the SUV’s and nodding at her boss when greeted. As the brute man gives his farewells to the kid, (Y/n) takes another hit of her cigarette before squishing it against the bark of the tree and turning around to head up the hill.

She’s lingered long enough, least she can do is give them the space to say goodbye. ‘Was it a goodbye?’ She thinks to herself. ‘Or will the kid be around every once and a while from now on?’ Who knew, whatever Mallory has planned for the kid, (Y/n) knows he’ll be in good hands. She just hopes whatever Mallory did plan on doing with him will be a great benefit for him and everyone else, the kid has been through so much already. He should—deserves, to know the whole truth about anything and everything that will occur in his life from now on. He’s been lied to almost his entire childhood— for the right reasons obviously— but now it’s time for the truth, and only the truth. He’s seen already with his own eyes how the real world is, painfully, but it’ll shape him up to be a better person than his father will ever be. Not that he’ll ever have to prove himself to anyone, but he’ll know as he continues to grow, that he can and will become a better person. With the love and education that Becca taught him, it’ll guide him through the right path.

As (Y/n) made it back up the hill, Frenchie and Kimiko were climbing back into the car. Getting closer M.M approaches her, slipping his shades on his face.

“Our names are clear. We’re heading back to the shop to pack up, gonna tag along?” He motions his head to the vehicle behind him,

Oh how good it felt to hear those words. Not that her time with The Boys has been an adventure, an exhausting, traumatic adventure, but she sure misses her actual bed.

Glancing over her shoulder, (Y/n) debates whether or not she should stay, but eventually turns back towards M.M, giving him a short nod about joining them. Even if her skin crawled at the thought of leaving him alone during times like this, she knows it’s best to give him space, as much as she fought the urge of walking back down the hill to embrace him in her small frame, she knows him too well. He’d only brush her off, leave her in the forest without a word and will most likely disappear from her life. Again. So, to save her from the pain, she gave him the space he needs right now, even if she knew it was total bullshit, but she humored him and respected his choice. For now.

++++

“You good from here?” M.M’s voice settles behind her as she shoves the last piece of clothing into her duffle,

She glances over her shoulder, nodding at the man standing in the entrance of her so-called room.

Which really was just a divider separating her space from the rest of the basement, and only having a curtain as a door. Her bed, well, sofa bed, was up against the wall on the right, a 30x12 5-shelf muscle steel rack on the left to keep her clothes and a wooden crate by her bed that had a lava lamp for a light, which was a gift from Hughie, is all she really had in her space. Along with her Beretta M9 by her head and Winchester 1897 by the shelf. Wasn’t much.. like at all, but she didn’t need anything else, she wasn’t exactly living in a dorm room to have anything else.

“Yeah. Yeah I’m good,” She sends him a small smile before sitting down on her bed with a sigh,

It had been an hour or so since she left him alone in the park and he still hasn’t showed up, nor has he reached out for.. honestly anything, anyone, and she couldn’t not help thinking about him. She worried about him, worried he’d do something stupid, per usual, but worried he’ll do anything that’ll put his life in danger right before disappearing into the wind, leaving her again. Even if she already had a gut feeling that’s exactly he’s planning on doing, she just wanted to be able to see him one last time before he leaves. For good this time. Maybe even.. let him know the truth. If it really was it this time, really was a goodbye, then she’d want him to know the truth.

“Hey,” M.M softly calls her, watching her every movement and reading her thoughts just by looking at her face, “Don’t waste your time waiting on him,”

(Y/n) let’s out a small sigh through her nose as she closes her eyes. He was right. She knew he was right, and she also knew deep down that she’d leave at some point.

“And as much as Butcher is.. Butcher, he wouldn’t want you to either,” (Y/n) slowly nods her head, fingers fiddling with the zipper on her duffle,

“Yeah… yeah I know,” At her last words she spares a glance at him with a faint smile on her lips before looking back down at her duffle,

M.M watches her in silence for another couple of seconds, observing her form, watching as she tugs on a splash of dried paint on her duffle, then let’s a small smile tug on his lips.

They’ll both be fine. Eventually. He strongly believes they will, mostly because both pair are scary similar to one another and knows both pair need each other, they’re each other’s anchor, just like Hughie is Butcher’s canary, he knew the same rules applied when it came to (Y/n) being his anchor and vice versa.

“Just don’t be a stranger kid,” M.M comments once again, bringing a wide sincere smile on her lips this time,

(Y/n) looks over at him again, smile still plastered when she turns around, walking towards the lava lamp. Hughie wouldn’t mind, she thinks to herself as she unplugs it from the wall.

“Here, give it to your little one,” M.M only holds out his hand with a shake of his head,

“Keep it. You’ll give it to her yourself, her birthday is in a month,” (Y/n) drops her gaze down with a shy smile, feeling warmth in her chest at the small invitation,

Nodding her head she steps towards him to embrace him in her arms, which he accepts by draping his own large frame around her.

“Drive safe,” She mumbles against his shirt before pulling away,

He nods, “Only if you will,”

With that he leaves her corner. From where she stood, she watches him grab his own duffle bag along with a stuffed penguin in his hands. She doesn’t ever remember him getting the plushie, but that doesn’t remove the soft smile from her lips. Once he walks up the stairs, hears the basement door close shut (Y/n) let’s out an exhausted sigh as she zips up her bag. Grabbing her Beretta from the bed and placing it behind her pants, she grabs her rifle and duffle bag before walking out her room.

“Mon ami,” That lovely accent makes her turn, seeing Frenchie walking towards her with a small smile,

She smiles back, placing her duffle on the couch and slinging her rifle across her chest before embracing him in a firm hug.

“Tu fais attention mon ami,”

She nod her head, hugging him a bit harder, “You too Frenchie. Both of you,” She said it directly at them both once she saw Kimiko walking out of her own room,

After letting go of the Frenchman, Kimiko immediately braces her into her small warmth. Wrapping her arms around her waist as (Y/n) wraps her own arms around her frame, rocking them too as they enjoy their farewells, feeling her smile widen when she hears her soft chuckle. As she pulls back she begins talking to (Y/n) in her own way, she wasn’t as good as Frenchie is to understand her language, but she did learn a couple things, as well pick up a few swear words from her.

‘I will miss you. You will always be my friend. My family’

The last word has her chest warming up, as well as feeling a couple tears building behind her eyes.

“You’ll always be my family too,” She tells her before embracing her in her arms once again,

“Take care of this one for us okay?” She asks her after pulling away, which she nods with a wide smile as she looks over at Frenchie,

She smiles at them both, feeling her heart tug when Frenchie wraps an arm around her small shoulders. They’ll be okay. She think to herself. Giving them a wave goodbye, she turns around, grabs her bag from the couch and head towards the stairs, but once she hit the third step she turns around once again to give them another farewell before climbing the rest of the stairs. Walking down the pawn shop she waves goodbye at Aziz, the owner behind the counter, which happens to be an elder man with light caramel skin, with a grey mustache and grey trimmed hair underneath a black Irish flat cap. He is a very kind, friendly, humorous, elderly man who went beyond the line in accepting to keep them all hidden underneath his pawn shop. Turned out he has known Frenchie much more longer then she knew and even offered him the basement to start his little operation, which if you thought about it, he sounded a lot more dangerous than he looks.

After bidding her farewells with Aziz and promising him she’d visit every once and a while with small gifts, she left the shop. Walking down the walkway with her duffle hanging on one shoulder and rifle sling across her chest she makes her way towards the small alley where her car awaits. However, as soon as she turns the corner she sees the one and only Mallory leaning against her car, cigarette in between her lips, black shades on her face. With a black SUV waiting in the distance not too far from her.

(Y/n) already had a itching feeling on why she was there, waiting for her against her car, and a part of her wished she was wrong, but knew she wasn’t.

“What are you doing here?” She asks once she’s within reach,

Mallory exhales the tobacco with a heavy sigh, “Don’t wanna take your time away, just came to offer you about a proposition and I’ll be on my way,”

No, leave. Tell her no. Is the voice that kept playing in her mind, but of course (Y/n’s) heart went ahead and decided for her. Nodding her head for the woman to continue, (Y/n) unlocks her trunk to toss her stuff inside while she listens.

“Putting together a team, off books with the support of Newman to keep tabs of the Supes,” Mallory watches her very carefully, she may not have shown curiosity through her body, but Mallory can read her like a goddamn book and knew she was interested,

“What did Butcher say?” (Y/n) asks instead, knowing too well she had offer him the same idea first,

Even if a part of her was wondering if he had taken the job or if he declined it. She was hoping he did.

“Didn’t say. But you and I both know what he’s planning on doing,” Yes she did, he’s running away, disappearing off to god knows where,

(Y/n) shuts the trunk close in silence, lost in thought about Butcher, about the offer, why she should take it, why she should leave it, why she should just disappear as well, why she should just grow up and face reality, there’s nothing for her to run away from. Her heart was there in New York and in what she was trained to do, her heart knew what it wanted, what it craved. Who it needed.

“Think about it. You have my number, give me a call when you decided, or don’t.” Mallory says after a minute of silence and begins walking towards the SUV that was slowly meeting her halfway,

However, right before she climbs into the backseat she turns to her again, “I could really use your help (Y/n),” She says sincerely before climbing into the truck,

She watches the SUV drive away then leans against her car, thinking about the offer, weighing the cons and pros, but knew it was pointless when her heart had already made the decision for her.

++++

(Y/n) stops right in the entrance of her doorway, observing every inch of the place that was once home, observing how much of a mess those fuckers made when they raided her apartment. Literally looks like a full blown war erupted in her living room, the couch was flipped upside down, books, papers, glass scattered throughout the floor, her t.v smashed in and on the ground as well. Table lamps thrown across the room, what is that cereal? Jesus even that was also scattered on the floor, if the living room looked like shit she sure as hell knows the rest of the rooms aren’t any prettier.

With an exhausted sigh, she tosses her duffle to the side, places her rifle against the wall, shuts the door, then stands still for a couple seconds before picking up the first item off the floor, and that’s how she spends half her night, cleaning the living room and kitchen as much as she can. By time she was semi done with the living room it had already hit 10:30 pm, she didn’t know—she didn’t want to know how long she spent cleaning but better than to do it tomorrow morning.

She was in the middle of sweeping the ground when a knock is heard at her door. Placing the broom against the couch, which she had flipped back to its original state, she wipes her hands on her jeans and walks towards the door. One hand reaching for the knob while the other reached behind to grip on to her gun, a habit she had but now these days she never knows. Slightly creaking the door open she peeks through the crack, feeling her face and hand relaxing when she sees who’s standing at her door.

“Postmates,” Butcher greets with his small smirk and raises a bag of food, her food that she had ordered 20 minutes ago,

With a soft sigh she opens her door wider and steps aside for him to enter, which he does so gradually with that same small little smirk on his lips.

“How d’you find me?” She asks after shutting the door,

Butcher, who was observing her apartment for the first time, bends down to pick up the broom that apparently had fallen on the floor before speaking, “Still got yor phone linked to that find yor shithead friends app,”

Shit. She had forgotten about that, but honestly didn’t regret leaving it on, otherwise he wouldn’t have gotten here.

Without another word, or even waiting for her response, Butcher places the broom against the wall before making his way inside the kitchen. Where he begins to unload her food on the island table. Just as she makes her presence appear by the door frame, Butcher extends a black plastic fork her way without looking up, but does so after a while of having his arm in the air. Hazel eyes lock with (E/c) orbs staring at him, observing him.

From her point of view she can still see dirt stains on his face, hair tussled on top of his head, coat stained with dirt and mud, then notices how his left hand—his knuckles were still bandaged up. But what she first gathered was the exhaustion, the pain, the defeat written on his face. She’s seen exhaustion on him, she’s seen the pain, but not once has she seen him with such defeat.

Billy Butcher is a man driven by anger, violence, determination. So seeing him give up in life, was painful for (Y/n). She hated seeing him this way, she hated how much he’s been through, she hated how much he’s lost throughout the years she’s known him, and she just hated she couldn’t comfort him in the way she wanted to comfort him. Not that he’d allowed her anyway. It just wouldn’t be right, it wouldn’t be appropriate, not after losing his wife. So instead of saying anything that’ll only add on to the tension around them, she quietly walks towards him and takes the fork from in between his fingers before sitting down on the table.

“Want some?” She asks him, opening a takeaway box of chow mein, having a knowingly feeling he hasn’t ate,

Butcher shakes his head as he leans his hands on the table, catches the moment where she rolls her eyes as she pours a good amount of noddles on a plate before sliding the takeaway box at him. Tired eyes glance down at the medium size box in between his arms, then softly chuckles as he grabs a fork of his own before grabbing some noddles of his own. After both of them had a good portion of food on their plates, they both sat, well more like (Y/n) sat and Butcher stood across from her, and quietly enjoyed their dinner. More like breakfast, lunch and dinner. (Y/n) doesn’t even remember if she had ate or not, it’s been that long of a fucking day.

“Mallory talk to you?” Butcher asks after a while of silence, fingers tracing the brand sticker of his beer bottle,

You hadn’t even noticed when you stopped eating until he had spoken out. Apparently you had finished eating ten minutes ago and have been twirling some leftover noddles with your fork, awhile lost in thought. Thinking about the tragic day that had occurred, about the offer that you yet still have let Mallory know your decision, and of course thinking about what will happened once Butcher leaves your apartment. Well you know, but what you don’t know is how things will be left between you too.

Glancing up from her nearly empty plate, (Y/n) meets with tired hazel orbs observing her. Without saying anything she only nods her head, carefully watching for his reaction. Which he only stares at her for a couple seconds before inhaling deeply through his nose and nods.

“As she should. She needs skills like yors,” Is all he says as he takes the swig of his beer and gently places it beside him,

(Y/n) debates on her response, knowing too well what his answer would be, but states it either way.

“Same to you,” She watches as his eyes have randomly found her table interesting, then catches a very, very faint smile tugging on his lips,

He slowly shakes his head, “Nah. She’s ‘ad enough,” He stays quiet for a good minute before continuing with, “Fink it’s finally time to go off grid.. ‘ad enough o’ this life,”

His words punch a whole in her heart, she was expecting them sooner rather than later, but it still stung like a bitch. Having him say them out loud made everything too real, made it seem as if time was honestly slipping away, made it seem as if her world just got much more darker.

“Tell you the bloody truth… I’m tired. Just.. fuckin’ tired,” Butcher remained staring down at the table, hands now clasped together,

Again, she hasn’t seen him this defeated, this lost, and she hated seeing him this way. She couldn’t blame him, she couldn’t tell him not to feel this way, it just wasn’t possible. Not now anyways. Seeing him giving up right in front of her left a bad sour feeling in her stomach, she’s seen him at his lowest back when they had gotten back from the military, and it was the same look he had on right now. However, she knew it was worse. Much worse.

If the war they both fought alongside didn’t fuck him over like it had done to her, then she’s certain losing his wife right in front of him sure did. It was the last stitch that had him together, and now with Becca gone, that last piece of string had finally given its last strength to hold every emotion Butcher had stored inside. Now Butcher isn’t like any other civilian who’s emotions have been broken free, no, Butcher was like a volcano combined with a nuclear bomb. Now that his emotions have been set free from its confinements, the brute man was literally a burning volcano ready to erupt at the slightest thing.

However, what worried (Y/n) the most was his mentality. His plan to end the pain, the loneliness, the disappointment, the loss, the guilt, everything that was possibly weighing on his chest she worried he’d use a bullet to end it all once he was alone. That was her fear. So, the least she can try and do is get him to change his mind, even if she knows trying to convince him is like trying to convince a bull he does not have to ram into everything and everyone that steps in his way. But she’ll try regardless, because she loves and cares for him far too much not to.

“Listen to me Billy..,” She calls him by his first name, which she rarely does and immediately causes the Brit’s eyes to meet her own as she continues, “I know you’ll always love her.. but you need to keep going,”

She stays quiet for a second then adds with a shaken tone, “Billy.. I need you to keep going… because I can’t live in a world knowing you won’t be in it,”

Panic begins to rise in her chest when she realizes what she had said. Practically admitted in front of him. She can’t exactly back track her words, can’t exactly cover them with something else, she had already said them out loud. For him to hear. Might as well right?

“I just can’t live without you Butcher. I lost you once.. please don’t make me lose you again.” She claims the truth, referring to the time when Butcher had went awol when the group had broken up the first time,

She never heard from him again. It hurt her, it broke her when she knew he wasn’t coming back, until he did and it was then that all her emotions she had once felt for the British man had came crashing down on her once again. And now, she was laying them all out on the table, right in front of him.

When she had finished ranting her feelings towards the man, she finally averts her eyes from her plate that have been staring at the same noddle as all the words were pouring out from her, and settles them with hazel ones. Who were staring at her with an unreadable expression, not making the heaviness in her chest any better, in fact it only made it worse. As Butcher quietly stayed staring at her, not moving a muscle, (Y/n) thought she had ruined things, made them worse by blabbering her goddamn feelings to a man who had just lost his wife.

Nice going idiot. She curses at herself, not being— not wanting to look up at his eyes, fearing she’ll see disgust or disappointment. So, instead she closes her eyes with a shake of her head as if telling him to forget everything that had been said, and stands from her chair to walk out the kitchen. However, before she can step a foot away from the table she feels a large hand gripping onto her wrist and pulling before feeling a pair of rough lips clashing with her own, then feeling a hand settle softly on her cheek.

“Is this your way of saying goodbye?” She whispers against his lips as she breaks the kiss,

He stays quiet for a couple seconds before replying with, “It were.. if me plan went to shit,” Then continues with, “As much I luv Becca I know ‘ave to keep movin’ forward.. but that’s only if yer’re by me side,”

She furrows her brows, not quite understanding where all of these confessions are coming from. She never did think he’d feel the same way about her, considering all he ever wanted was to get revenge for her, then save her after finding out she’s alive. His main focus and priority was Becca. His wife. So of course she’s a little confuse at the moment.

“W-What?” Is all she’s able to say,

Butcher softly sighs through his nose, letting his thumb rub soothing circles against her cheek as he stares straight into her eyes.

“I didn’t realize it or maybe I were just bein’ a cunt and afraid to admit it but.. it’s always been you, (Y/n).” He softly whispers and continues with, “After.. after that night with Becca.. I’ve realized that I’ll I wanted was you. But like always I’ve kept it ‘idden and went on with the bleedin’ day,”

He’s in shock still. He’s not sure what he’s saying. She kept telling herself. Which was understandable for someone to lose someone close to them, so all she did was gently grab his hand that was still on her cheek and shook her head.

“Butcher, you’re not sure—,”

“I fuckin’ know wot I want,” He interrupts her, grabbing both sides of her face now and itches closer to bee, lips ghosting hers as he speaks once again, “So please tell me.. that you feel sumfink, uvverwise I’ll walk out-,”

He wasn’t able to finish his words considering she latched her lips with his. Both of them melt against one another from relief as they deepen the kiss. The hand that was gripping onto the labels of his jacket was now making its way towards his bearded jaw, where her fingers gently tug on his beard before making their way into his hair at the nape of his neck, and tug firmly. She wasn’t sure if she or him let out a shuddering breath, but neither of them cared, all they were focused on was each other’s lips, warmth. Although, she was sure that in between kisses it began tasting a bit salty, and knew right away Butcher was crying. Causing her to kiss him much firmer and hold him tightly against her body.

“I’m with you,” She says in between kisses and feeling his hold on her waist get firmer as he tries pulling her closer to his chest and buries his face in the crook of her neck,

Tears silently rolled down his face, she knew this because every now and then he’d let out a hot shuddering breath against her neck, awhile sometimes rubbing his cheek against her skin causing him to smear the tears. But she didn’t care, she allowed him to cry silently, allowed him to hug her in a death grip, allowed him to peck kisses on her neck, because she was hugging him with the same grip while promising him she’s here with him. That things will get better because she’ll be there with him.

They remained in that position in the kitchen for another good 10 minutes before (Y/n) guides him towards the living room by the hand. Where they both laid in each other’s arms in silence, giving each other kisses every once and a while until Butcher began dozing off by her fingers lazily drawing circles on his chest. It wasn’t long until he finally fell asleep, hearing her last words ring in his ears, sending him in a safe, peaceful sleep.

“I’m always with you Billy,”

—————

-Hope y’all enjoyed this angst fic! ✨

-Again, sorry to the requester for taking so long but I never did break my promise and I finally delivered ♥️✨

-Make sure to Turn On Post Notifications!! 🔔for more Updates!!

—————

[jslittlebirdie]

Omg, hi! I just saw your amazingly beautiful Eddie headcanon about braiding hair and I had a thought. I shower and braid my hair every night and I’m glad I’m not alone in sometimes struggling to do it myself. I love that Eddie would learn to braid your hair and help you. But I’ve always wondered about J. I like to think that he’d see you struggling with your hair, roll his eyes, and take over for you. He’d be surprisingly good at it? Maybe it’s calming for him to do. Just some J thoughts🤭

Hi sweet anon☺️❤️ First, please excuse me that it took me a few days to answer your ask. I'm reading everything and I will answer everything, but I'm very busy with life. Plus, I wanted to write a little something based on this scenario. So I hope you will like it. Second, thank you so very very much for your kind words. It means so much to me. This was the first time I wrote for Eddie, so it makes me really happy to hear that you enjoyed it🥺 Anon, you are definitely not alone with this. I'm struggling a lot with doing my hair, so I like to think that they would help us💜

Ah! I totally agree with you!!🤭💕💕 I always imagined that J could braid hair. And he does it pretty well. I don't know how he learned it. But I believe that he has a lot of secret talents that he will show you in the right situation and surprise you with. Maybe just to see your face and then cackle in amusement.

So imagine something like this:

taglist: @ajokeformur-ray @sacredempressnatlyia @rommies

J helps you braid your hair. wc: 1,032

J is in your bedroom and sits on your shared bed, wearing only a pair of sweatpants. Still remnants of makeup on his pretty face, which he didn't wipe away properly. He clicks his tongue and bobs his legs up and down while looking at the clock for what feels like the thousandth time. He grows more and more impatient, maybe a little worried. He knows you take longer in the bathroom than he does - he's always rushing through his night routine, just taking care of the basics; for you, you often tell him to please be gentler with himself, oh you loved and cared so much for your clown. But at this point, it's taking too long even for you. J runs a hand through his greenish curls, groans and gets up to go to the bathroom.

J is always very attentive and alert, but your loud cursing and swearing is hard to miss, even when the bathroom door is closed. He frowns and knocks. After the last incident, he knocks on the door before just rushing in. "Toots? Everything okay in there?"

A loud clatter and another curse full of frustration. At any other time it would have amused him to hear you like this, since you're usually very reserved and rather shy. But the whole situation is a bit too uncertain for his taste, his alarm bells are ringing loudly. You two are safe at your home, none of his henchmen or enemies know about this place. But J knows that pressure and stress of life are eating at you and sometimes you silently cry in the bathroom so he won't notice. He doesn't like that. Not. One. Bit.

"Yeah, yeah. 'M fine. The door isn't locked if you wanna come in." Your voice sounds muffled, as if you are talking through clenched teeth.

And that's actually what you're doing. When J finally opens the bathroom door and sees you, his worry and tension vanish instantly and he lets out the air he didn't realize he was holding with a sigh. The corners of his mouth twitch upwards into a big grin and he chuckles. You turn around and blink at him. You stand in front of him in your pjs, a towel wrapped around your shoulders, hair dripping from the tips. Nose wrinkled in frustration, a hair tie between your teeth. Your arms are starting to go numb from the uncomfortable position you're holding them in, desperately trying to work your long hair with your wet hands. And the noise J heard had been you throwing the hairbrush into the sink in a small fit of rage.

J rolls his eyes at you and laughs. "Ah, I get it. So you're just trying to braid your hair again, sweets. Was wondering what was taking ya so long, thought you'd forgotten about me." He slowly walks towards you and stops next to you. He takes your hands in his and moves them, making you sigh in relief. "Want me to help ya?"

"You can really braid hair?" you ask him and cock an eyebrow.

The next moment you let out a squeal as J scoops you up into his arms. He takes the hairbrush from the sink and then carries you into the bedroom, where he plops you down on the bed. You are a silly and giggling mess with wild hair. And if J is honest, his heart skips a beat. This is the most beautiful and adorable sight he has ever seen. He sits down next to you and gives you a kiss on the forehead with an extra loud mwah, which makes you giggle even more. "Yes, I can. Otherwise I wouldn't have mentioned it, silly thing. Now come here."

You smile and move closer to him. And after giving him a soft kiss on his cheek, you turn your back so J can reach your hair. The first thing he does is brush it carefully before dividing it into three equal sections. You can hear all of his soft noises as he licks his lips and scars in concentration. And it sounds like home. His touches feel like home. J is your home.

You yawn, feeling completely relaxed to be so close to him. His warmth enveloping you and making you feel tired. "How did you learn this? I mean, to braid hair."

"I dunno. Just picked it up at some point," he shrugs.

J lets your soft strands of hair slip through his bare fingers and then starts to cross them. He sighs deeply. Not only does he have an effect on you, you have an effect on him as well. The way his hands work almost by themselves is soothing to him and slows his racing thoughts. Your sweet scent, your calm breathing. Now it's J's turn to yawn. He always tries to hide how exhausted he is when he comes home after a long day. But the dark circles and heavy eyes speak for themselves. You both need rest badly.

"Tadaa!" he exclaims when he's finally done with your braid. He gives it a playful little tug and then places a soft kiss on your neck. "You wanna take a look at it to make sure I did it right?"

"No. I know it's perfect. Thank you." You turn and look at him. With each passing second, you find it harder to keep your eyes open. A whine escapes your lips and you reach out to touch him. "I'm tired. I just want my J. Pretty please."

"I get it, toots." J chuckles and coos at how cute you are. The mattress moves under you as he pulls you to him and brings you both into a lying position. His strong arms wrapped tightly and securely around you. "I gotcha, okay? I'm not going anywhere."

You pepper a few sloppy kisses all over his face until your eyes close and you slowly drift into the land of dreams. "I love you so much."

Another soft kiss on your forehead. I love you too. Then his tiredness wins and he dozes off as well with his face nuzzled in the crook of your neck.

[221bshrlocked]

sweaty hands, reluctant hearts

Pairing: The Mandalorian (Din Djarin) x Fem!Reader

Words: 13685 (god this wasn’t supposed to be this long I’m actually sorry this time)

Warnings: Angst and Smut (my fav). Hurt/Jealous Mando -> Touch Starved/Rough Mando -> Fluffy Mando -> Shy Mando. Penetrative Sex. Oral Sex. There’s lot’s of sweat because exertion yall. Breeding Kink 😏. Slight Exhibitionism. Overstimulation and slight slight non-con because of oversensitivity. Umm, squirting 🙃. Dirty/Sweet talk. Spanking (ass and hoohaa).

Summary: He never thought the day would come when he’d hear you saying you wanted to leave him. Yes there was an understanding between the two of you that you were hired to help him care for the Child and to somehow keep the Razor Crest alive and working. And he knew it made sense for you to find work elsewhere now that the Razor Crest was destroyed and the Child was with his own kind. But he just assumed you weren’t going to leave considering it’s been a couple of months since he’d given the kid to the Jedi and you never brought it up. It hurt hearing you say those words, especially when he realized he wasn’t meant to hear them and that you were confiding in Cobb Vanth of all people. Turns out, all Mando needed was to see the Marshal eye-fucking you as you fixed the new ship and overshared your thoughts for him to snap and finally make a move. Hopefully he can change your mind...

A/N: Yall, this is post Season 2 so sadly Grogu is not here, hence the angst! Umm, this was a lot to handle because you know, that gif here. Enjoy ☺️

It’s been months since the events that transpired on the cruiser. Months since he’d given away a piece of himself to an unknown being. Months since he’d sat down and re-evaluated his life’s mission. He wasn’t sure why he’d chosen to return to Tatooine of all planets but he needed some time to think of his next steps. So much has changed over the course of the past year and it took the Mandalorian longer than usual to realize that he can’t use bounty hunting to fill the void in his heart. 

One thing he did know for sure, however, was that he couldn’t have managed to survive the emotional and physical changes without your presence. Somehow, you’ve managed to make his life easier and by a whole lot. He has never felt this grateful for having a companion, maker, didn’t even think it possible to ever consider another as such. He’d spent years and years living by the Creed and never once doubting his way of living, but he found himself questioning everything about himself when you came in. It wasn’t that he was suddenly open to the idea of taking his helmet off or anything, it was more of a passing thought on what it would be like if he were to open up to you more, perhaps even share with you more than his name and an abridged version of how he became a Mandalorian. 

He mulled over how he would approach the topic with you, finding himself growing more nervous when he considered how you’d react. You’ve never given him any inclination of ever thinking of him as more than your boss and he knew he needed to figure out a way to make this seem natural and not forced. Frankly, he found it interesting how you managed to read him better than anyone he’s ever met, and he wished he could ask you how you’d done so when he never took off his helmet. 

Mando pushed the thought aside for now, cursing to himself as he dragged the giant piece of scrap you’d requested for him to pick up from Peli. He wanted to argue with you then, tell you that the only reason for coming to this awfully hot planet was to take some time off, if that was even possible, and avoid falling into the temptation of another mission. But he couldn’t find it in himself to say any of these things, mostly because you were the one that managed to procure the new ship for him and you were also the one that told him the two of you were in serious need of rest. He’d only realized the ship needed fixing when he landed and you told him you would get right on as soon as he picked up the necessary pieces from Peli. He felt a little out of the loop when he’d gone to her and found her giving him everything you’d requested for, and he knew you must have contacted her before you landed or else she wouldn’t have been this quick. 

As he made his way through the quiet “streets” of Mos Pelgo, he thought back to what Peli said to him an hour ago. Had he not considered her as a friend, he would have responded rudely when she bugged him about you. As much as he wished to humor the idea that you looked at him as more than a colleague, partner, whatever it was the two of you were, he didn’t want to grow any more false hope, especially now that he’d already given up the one thing that managed to crawl into his heart. 

Mando saw that you’d moved the ship behind the cantina and he chose to blame the heat for the way his skin crawled with goosebumps because no, he didn’t suddenly feel calm at the thought of you. 

He shook his head from the intruding thought and was about to say something to you when he saw who was standing nearby. If there was ever a time where he didn’t wish to see Cobb Vanth, it was definitely now. The bounty hunter put down the scraps of metal before moving closer to where the two of you were standing. He was sheltered behind a shack of sorts and allowed his heart rate to return to normal before listening in on you. 

“I don’t believe you sweetheart.” The Marshal threw back his drink and shook his head when you shrugged your shoulders at him and Mando felt his stomach twist at the endearment. Since when were the two of you on such a close basis?

“Believe whatever you want Marshal, I was only answering your question. Besides, it’s not like I’m actively looking right now.” Mando watched as you swiped the sweat rolling down your face with the back of your hand and swore when he felt the fabric of his pants grow tighter around his crotch. He felt dirty watching your every move, but he couldn’t take his eyes off of the way your muscles gleamed under the excruciating sun rays. He cursed the day you bought that garment and he recalled back to the first time he watched you work in it. Mando had almost tripped over the child that day because he never expected to see you walking around with the chest binding so visible to his eyes. It was worse when you reached up high for something because if his eyes lingered long enough, he could see your undergarment peeking from the low-hanging pants of the overalls. 

The bounty hunter had to take a few deep breaths to move on from the inappropriate thoughts he was having and he narrowed his eyes at Cobb when he saw him walk closer to you. 

“Are you ever going to tell him?” The Mandalorian watched as your expression shifted slowly to a more sombre look and he was familiar enough with you to know that you weren’t too happy with that question or the answer you were going to give Cobb. 

“I- I don’t know. I wish I could tell him about how I fe- what I’m thinking about but I can’t...and I also can’t just say ‘Hey Mando, I had a blast taking care of the kid and getting hunted by the kriffing Empire. I fixed the ship for you so see you later.’ It’s not right and I didn’t realize it would be this difficult to come to terms with what I have to do. But I can’t keep doing this, it’s not fair.” 

Whatever the Mandalorian thought you were going to say, that certainly didn’t make the top of the list. He almost fell back when he registered the meaning behind your words. You wanted to leave. You’ve been wanting to move on for a while and you weren’t sure how to tell him. You were confiding in Cobb Vanth of all people and relying on his opinion to decide what you were going to do. A thousand thoughts flew through his mind and he tried to see if he’d done anything wrong. Besides the whole thing with Gideon and Bo Katana, there wasn’t really anything he’d done that would inspire such a reaction from you. Not that those weren’t enough to change your mind about staying with him but it was all in the past now. 

The sound of laughter broke Mando out of his haze and he turned towards you again, watching as you slithered down the ship, clenching his fists tightly when he saw Cobb grab your hips to help you down. He was torn between strutting towards the two of you and punching the daylights out of him and remaining where he was to listen in on your conversation. He had no right to do either, but he needed to know.

“I hate to ask you this question because it defeats the whole purpose of this entire chat but...have you thought of how he’d take it? Should you decide on-” You pointed to something on the floor and Cobb leaned down to grab it for you, handing it and gauging your reaction to his question as you continued to work. 

“Why else do you think I’ve been putting this off? Of course I’ve thought of how he’d react. But I deserve more than...ugh, I don’t mind this, I swear I don’t, but I also can’t just sit back and pretend I don’t want more.” You motioned violently to the ship and to what you were doing as you spoke, shaking your head at the man smiling smugly in front of you before throwing out the tools and snatching his drink from him. 

Mando couldn’t stand to be near you, not after what he’d heard and certainly not after taking in your body language and the way Cobb was practically undressing you without shame. He stepped back, leaving the scraps where they were and heading to the cantina to take his mind off of what he’d just witnessed. He walked in and paid no mind to the patrons scattered across the room, handing the man behind the counter more credits than he cared to count and asking him for his strongest stuff. He didn’t bother to address the judgmental stare he was receiving and took hold of the bottle before walking out again. 

It was close to sunset and the Mandalorian walked until the edge of the town before deciding to continue until he reached a small hill filled with large boulders. Sliding down one of the rocks, he sighed deeply before taking off his helmet, the hissing sound instilling a sense of guilt deep in his chest. He was ashamed at feeling such an emotion towards what he based his entire life on. But he couldn’t take it anymore. His anger rose as he opened the large bottle in his hand, throwing it back until he felt the stinging drink burn his throat for a few seconds before aggressively setting it on the floor next to him. 

Mando wasn’t able to put what he was feeling into a proper string of thoughts but he did know it was an odd mixture of hurt and anger with a tiny bit of sexual frustration. He couldn’t get the image of you sweaty and heaving as you worked on his ship out of his mind, shutting his eyes and throwing his head back to meditate back on the way your muscles clenched and pulled every time you molded two metal scraps together or how they positively shined when you carried things across the sand. He’d tried his hardest to set all of these feelings and rather inappropriate thoughts aside but he couldn’t any longer. Not when there was a chance of you leaving him, and perhaps to someone like the Marshal too. 

Perhaps it was unwise to deny his heart’s desires for so long and Mando was sure that he’d met his breaking point because he couldn’t stop thinking about you. Normally, he was able to distract himself and force his mind to stray away from conjuring up the filthiest images of you wreathing and crying beneath him as he drove his cock into your heat. But he had no hold over his mind at this moment, not that he was to blame. He went from shutting his own self out to opening the floodgates, and there was no going back. 

He sighed heavily when his thoughts shifted to what you said about him and he took a long sip from the bottle before turning his attention to the setting suns. He didn’t know what he could even say if you ever approached the topic with him. You’d been wanting to leave for a while now and somehow managed to hide it from him. All those nights spent running from Moff Gideon and other bounty hunters and you haven’t complained once, choosing to keep it to yourself. He wasn’t sure if he was hurt because you felt the need to hide something like this from him or because you were awfully understanding of how these complaints could distract him. 

And then there was the whole thing with the ship. He had assumed that the two of you sort of shared it now but it seemed that you never saw it as belonging to you but only to him. And you went out of your way to fix it now when you didn’t have to. Mando didn’t notice his tears until he licked his drying lips and tasted the saltiness across his mouth. He wiped his cheeks and laughed at himself. When had he become like this? First it was the child and now you. 

He wished he could take it all back, to have never met the kid or you. His life was simple and not complicated and now, now he was faced with the prospect of losing you as well. The bounty hunter dismissed the thought as quickly as it came because he knew deep down that it was better to have had the two of you in his life, even for a short while, than to have never known you. It wasn’t ideal but since when was his life ideal?

As the suns set beneath the sky, the Mandalorian looked down and saw that the bottle was still almost full. Not wanting to finish it now, because he might actually need it later when you decide to leave, Mando stood up and slowly made his way back into town. He needed to sleep, not to rest but to put a pause on his rather depressing thoughts if only for a little bit. When he saw the town come into view, he took a deep breath and put his helmet back on. 

The town was quieter than usual and the Mandalorian found himself going straight to the ship instead of joining the others. He’d spent the past few days enjoying his nights in the corner of the busy cantina, watching as you won one Sabacc game after another without breaking a sweat while everyone groaned in annoyance at how well you were kicking their asses. But he couldn’t trust himself tonight, not around you and certainly not around the Marshal. 

Trying not to bring too much attention to himself, Mando walked past the cantina towards the ship, already thinking of how relieved he’d be once he used the refresher. Going up the ramp, he was about to walk to the small, private room near the cockpit to grab a change of clothes when he heard a loud shriek that sounded a lot like his name coming from the opposite end of the ship. Mando quickly turned around and shut his eyes in exasperation when he saw you approaching him far angrier than he’d ever seen you. He set the bottle down and turned his attention towards you, raising an eyebrow to himself when he saw your chest heaving beneath the chest band. He averted his eyes quickly, refusing to think of you sweaty and breathless under other circumstances. Maker, he couldn’t go no like this.

“Where in the kriffing hell have you been? You were supposed to bring the parts from Peli hours ago and I have to find out from some kid that you just left them on the ground and walked away to- hell, I don’t even know what was more important for you than bringing me the scraps so I could fix the ship? Really, Mando, I understand that it’s been a little weird and difficult lately but I barely ask for anything and, ugh, maker.” You held back from voicing more of your thoughts, afraid that you’ve already gone far with asking him where he was. He didn’t really need to tell you what his business was but you’d assumed the two of you have come to an understanding regarding such matters, at the very least to ensure everyone’s safety. 

Mando stood there in silence and took a deep breath before turning around and walking into his room, afraid he’d give himself away if he tried to respond to you.

You furrowed your eyebrows in frustration when he quietly walked away from you, anger rising in your chest as he came out and made his way past you to the refresher. Before you could think twice of what you were doing, you were sprinting past him and standing in front of the open door, pushing your fingers into his beskar-clad chest as you hissed at him.

“I’m not sure what happened or why you’re giving me the silent treatment right now but this is not how we deal with our problems okay.” Mando took a few steps back as you continued to shove your finger into him, trying his hardest to not grab your wrist and push you against the nearest wall. “We talk things out and we come up with a way to fix things and compromise if need be.” Mando’s back hit the wall, and he threw his head back to avoid your gaze, unable to hold back the chuckle that rose from beneath the helmet at your words. 

How ironic.

“Did I say something funny?” You narrowed your eyes up at him and wished for once that he’d remove that god damn helmet so you could gauge his reaction.

“You mean we should talk things out like you and Cobb Vanth today? Or would it be different?” Mando’s chest tightened when he noticed the surprised expression on your face, knowing very well this was not what you expected to hear from him. He was a rational man, never once letting his mind give away to such simplistic thoughts but you’d struck a nerve and he could no longer hide his jealousy. Yes, it was jealousy. As much as he hated to admit it, that’s what he was feeling right now, what he’s been feeling all day long. It was childish and unlike him but it wasn’t going to do him any good if he continued to ignore it. 

“I’m dying to know if that’s what you mean. You obviously don’t have an issue telling him about how difficult it’s been working with me and how you can’t keep doing this.” It was your turn to take a few steps back when you saw his shoulders push out and make him taller than he already was. He continued to walk towards you, throwing his clothes to the ground and almost apologizing when you tripped on your feet when he was only a foot away from you.

“How about this, let’s start with what you apparently wish you could tell me but can’t seem to find the right words to do so. What was it you said to him? You deserve more than taking care of a kid and constantly escaping the Empire and other bounty hunters? Or wait, how can I forget...it’s not fair dealing with this mess of a ship and you’re looking for somewhere else to go?” You swallowed the lump in your throat as the Mandalorian repeated back the words you voiced perhaps a little too loudly earlier today, already feeling your eyes fill with unshed tears at harsh his tone. 

“I- I didn’t…you weren’t meant to-” You tripped over your words and almost flinched when he cut you off. 

“What? I wasn’t supposed to hear you say any of those things? A little strange don’t you think, since you seemed to have a lot to say about me to the Marshal.” Mando should have stopped himself from saying the next few words but his heart was torn into a million pieces and it wasn’t fair for him either.

“Well guess what, sweetheart, the Razor Crest blew up. Moff Gideon is taken care of and the Empire isn’t after us anymore. Every bounty hunter knows better than to so much as look at me and...and the kid isn’t around anymore for you to take care of. He’s gone, I lost him. So if you were worried about hurting me, you’re a little too late for that.” The Mandalorian barely held himself back from pulling you into his arms when he saw tears rolling down your cheek, clenching his fists tightly when he noticed the way you hugged yourself and frowned at him.

“Din-” It broke him to hear you use his name, especially now of all times. He hasn’t heard you say it once in the past few months, even when the two of you were alone. It was the twisting of the knife, and he bit his tongue to distract himself from saying something he couldn’t possibly take back.

“Do what you want, I won’t stand in the way. Besides, I’m sure he’ll be more than happy to help you out with whatever it was you were telling him today. After all, you deserve more right? Deserve someone more than me...someone who’s willing to share a lot more than his name.” Not bothering to wait for a response, Mando stepped away and walked back to his room, not caring about the clothes on the ground or how hurt you must have been feeling from listening to him. 

He softly shut the door behind him and moved to his bed, throwing himself on it and hanging his head low to catch his breath. This was not how he saw the night going, not remotely. He was hoping to ask you about this tomorrow in a less hostile manner and without making it seem like he was blaming you. But something about your words struck a nerve in him and he wasn’t able to hold back anymore, not when you were suggesting things you yourself weren’t willing to follow.

Din wasn’t sure how long he sat there in silence but the hissing sound of the door opening brought him back from his haze and he opened his eyes when he heard you walking towards him. You’d never once come into his room, not even when he occasionally gave you permission. You sniffed twice before approaching the bed and standing right in front of him and he was reminded of when the child would cry to try to catch his attention. 

“Din, it was never my intention to hurt you. I was trying to do the opposite..thought I was doing the right thing by thinking about this before I could talk to you but I’m realizing now that I’ve hurt you.” Din noticed the way you were ringing your fingers nervously and held himself back from taking your hands into his to try and put you at ease. 

“I- I only spoke with Cobb because he- because he noticed the way I was looking at you. He noticed how I can never seem to focus on anything or anyone else when you’re around. He- he could tell I was having a hard time coming to terms with how I feel about you...how I’ve felt about you for a while now.” Din’s heart skipped a beat at your confessions, unable to properly register what you were implying because he could never even humor the idea that you’d have feelings for him. He raised his head and finally looked at you, frowning when he saw how red your eyes were from crying. 

“The last thing I want to do is to leave you, please believe me. But I wasn’t sure if you even wanted me around after...after everything with Moff Gideon and the Jedi. As far as I knew, you brought me on to take care of Grogu and fix the Razor Crest. We’ve barely spoken ever since the cruiser and I just thought that I was only around because you couldn’t find the time to tell me that you don’t need me anymore.” Hearing you say that you thought he didn’t need you caught Din off guard and he wasn’t able to hold back anymore, instantly taking hold of your hands and pulling you towards him until you were standing in between his legs. You swallowed the lump in your throat and maintained your gaze on his visor, hoping that he could see how truthful you were being with him and maybe respond, if only with just a simple word. 

“When I said I deserved more, I was just- I swear I wasn’t talking about your Creed or wanting to see you. As much as I wish that was possible, I would never...could never ask you for something like that. I was only telling him that I might need some time away to maybe forget how...maker, to perhaps try and set aside my emotions because the last thing you need right now is for me to lay that on you. I don’t want you to think that you owe me anything because you don’t, gods you don’t owe anyone anything, not after what you’ve been through. But I could feel myself becoming more attached to you, especially after everything that happened on the cruiser. I want more with you but I don’t want to push you towards anything you’re not ready for.” Before you could wipe the tears away from your cheeks, Din was raising his glove-covered fingers and softly skimming them over your skin, and he hadn’t realized how harsh and loud his breathing was until he felt you rest your hand on his chest.

“There’s nothing between me and Cobb. And you should know by now that he’s...friendly, with everyone.” You smiled shyly at him before leaning into the hand resting on your cheek, nuzzling further into his palm when he swiped his thumb against your lower lip. There was so much Din wanted to say but he couldn’t find the right words that would convey what he was feeling. He was having a hard time wrapping his mind about your admission and the fact that you have been returning his affection for a while now. 

Din didn’t realize how long he was quiet until you cleared your throat and let go of his hand, stepping away from him and looking around to see if you should just leave. Before you could head to the door, however, Din was standing up and moving towards you, his eyes searching your face for any signs of discomfort before he made his next move. Your chest was rising and falling a little quicker than he liked but he quickly realized it was probably because of how you were coming to terms with what you just said to him. 

You watched as he took his gloves off and set them on the small table behind you, suppressing a gasp when you felt his warm, calloused hands wrap around yours before bringing them to his helmet. He could tell you were letting him control all of your movements and found it difficult to accept just how much you were willing to give to him.

“As much as I hate to admit it, I have been thinking about this for a while.” Din smiled when he saw your eyebrows furrow in question at his words. “Taking this off.” He saw the moment you understood what he was saying, not expecting you to pull your hands away from him and taking a few steps back until your back was against the wall.

“That’s...that’s not what I- Din, I wasn’t lying when I said it wouldn’t matter to me if-” He smiled at how defensive you suddenly were and stepped towards you once more, and you found it annoying that he barely kept a foot between you two, his natural scent hitting you like a blaster to the gut. 

“I know.” Din cut you off before taking your hands into his once more, rubbing your knuckles to put you at ease as he continued. “I’ve had a lot of time to think about this and- it’s not that I’ll walk around without it now, far from it. It’ll only be when we’re alone, when no one is around.” He hoped you could read in between the lines because this would be the closest he’d come to admitting how important you were to him, for now at least.

“Besides, it’s nothing you haven’t seen before.” 

That definitely snapped you out of your haze and you tilted your head to the side before asking home what he was referring to. 

“I’m not sure what you’re talking about.” Din raised an eyebrow at your response. Have you already forgotten?

“On the cruiser, when I- before Grogu went with the Jedi.” His hands tightened around your fingers as he said the child’s name and you were momentarily distracted before realizing what he meant. 

“Din I...I never saw you.” 

For a split second, it felt like someone had taken Din and carbon froze him before throwing him on an ice planet. 

“What?” He held his breath, unable to move a muscle until he made sure he heard you correctly. 

“I never saw you. I turned around when you reached for your helmet. I didn’t...it was a moment with you and Grogu. It didn’t feel right to look at you.” You tried to maintain a semblance of control on your voice but it cracked a few times as you admitted to him. As much as you yearned to see him without the mask, you didn’t think it proper without his clear consent. 

Din’s sudden intake of breath made you nervous and you hated how for a moment, you wished you didn’t tell him because there was now a high probability that he wouldn’t take the mask off. 

“Cyar'ika, please.” you shivered at the low tone of his voice, finding it harder to focus on anything but the touch of his skin. Once again, Din slowly brought your hands to the sides of his visor, pushing the palm of your hands on the beskar and softly nodding at you. A sudden sense of relief washed over him when he saw the slight nod of your head. 

Din found it endearing how your whole face scrunched up in focus as the two of you slowly pulled the helmet off of his head, the soft hissing sound as it unlocked making your hands dampen with sweat. As you raised the visor along with him, you couldn’t help but shut your eyes as soon as you saw the skin of his chin. Unbeknownst to you, Din was watching your every reaction and felt a little nudge in his chest when he saw how tightly shut your eyes were. When the beskar was off completely, Din took it from your hands and placed it next to him, swallowing the lump in his throat when he turned back and saw you were still refusing to look at him.

He reluctantly took your hands into his and placed them on his chest, hoping that you’d finally open your eyes without him begging you again. 

“I’m sorry I- maker, this is..this is probably more intense for you than it is for me and I’m not making it any better with my nervousness and- okay. Okay.” You took a deep breath before allowing your eyes to flutter open, unable to exhale as soon as you laid your gaze on him. Din was probably unaware of how nervous he looked and it took you a few longer seconds to realize you needed to breathe again. You weren’t sure what you were expecting, the long nights where you imagined what he could look like fading into thin air because nothing, absolutely nothing, prepared you for what you were currency seeing. 

His features were somehow soft but a little rugged, and you found yourself committing every inch of his skin to memory, filling your mind’s eye with every minute facial expression so you could dream of him when you fall asleep. It was oddly not surprising at all that he had a stubble, the scattered dark and slightly graying hairs across his jaw and above his lips making him seem older than he probably was. And you weren’t sure if he knew he was furrowing his eyebrows and then you realized he most likely didn’t because he was so used to wearing his helmet that he never had to learn how to control his facial expressions around anyone. And it was endearing how his nose flared as he continued to breathe heavily under your gaze, and if it weren’t for the fact that this was a serious moment, you would have leaned over and kissed the curved bridge of his nose and the scrunch of his eyebrows to put him at ease. 

Din wasn’t sure what he thought your reaction would be and he felt his chest tighten with every long moment you spent without so much as a comment. 

You were unaware of how long this dreadful moment must have been for the Mandalorian and you continued to study him in hopes of finding answers to questions you’ve wished you could ask him ever since he hired you. There were heavy bags under his eyes and you wished you were more persistent with him when it came to his resting schedule but he always seemed to wave you off whenever you told him he needed to sleep. Though you knew this stress had to do more with Grogu no longer being here and less with how often he slept. You had half expected to find his gaze harsh and far off but when you did finally meet his eyes, you found them filled with unshed tears and a multitude of emotions that you knew would go unexplained until he had the strength to voice them. They were a deep and beautiful shade of brown, ones you knew you’d never be able to turn away from now that you’ve had a proper look at him. And you couldn’t help but notice how their color reminded you of a Nightbloomer just after you picked it from its roots. 

All of that, however, could not compare to when you finally let your eyes descend to his lips. They were a darker shade of pink, and you swore you saw them parting as soon as you looked at them. His lower lip was trembling and you wished more than anything to swipe your thumb against it if only to feel the soft skin melt at your touch. You wished that was as far as your mind had gone but the longer you looked at the curve of his mouth, the more you wished you could lean forward and mold your lips with his. It was even worse because you had a feeling that the stubble of his mustache would cause the softest of burns on your lips. 

Din could no longer take the loud silence enveloping the room and he swallowed nervously when he saw how focused you seemed to be on his lips. He had some idea of what you were probably thinking because he was thinking the exact same thing but he wasn’t sure if he should be the one to make the first move. This reluctance evaporated when he noticed the way your eyes instantly moved to his neck as the cartilage moved and returned to rest when he gulped, and he realized that you may have been having slightly more inappropriate thoughts than he originally thought.

He was about to voice his worries when he saw your hands move from his beskar-clad chest to his face and he couldn’t stop himself from looking down apprehensively at the digits moving closer to his skin. You misunderstood his nervousness for uncomfort and immediately ceased all movements, returning your focus on his eyes to look for any inclination as to what he wanted. 

“Can I- mhmm, may I touch you?” Your whispered question was too loud for the two of you and Din parted his lips to say something but noticed how dry his throat was and realized he couldn’t trust his own voice. Nodding slightly at your request, he waited with bated breath as your fingers rose to his face and found himself shaking with anticipation at the prospect of finally feeling your touch on the most intimate part of him. 

When you were only a few inches away from him, Din felt his heart thumping wildly at his chest and he immediately shut his eyes when he felt the feather-light touch of your fingers on his cheeks. The harsh yet shaky intake of breath almost made you lose control and you had to remind yourself that, besides Grogu, you were the only one to ever touch him so intimately and so softly since he was a child. As much as you wished to wrap your arms around his neck and pull him closer so you could lay as many kisses on his face as you could, you knew it would be too much for him and that he needed you to go slow with him. He was practically shattering under your attention and you hoped he would allow you to do this as many times as possible in the coming days. 

Din couldn’t put a name to what he was experiencing at the moment but he knew he didn’t want you to stop touching him, ever again. He decided that he’d spend every moment with you alone without his helmet and with yours hands skimming some part of him. The longer you kept your palms on his cheeks, the calmer his heart beat and it wasn’t until a few moments later that he realized his eyes were shut. As they slowly fluttered open, he was met with the most beautiful sight in the world: your own deep irises staring at your own thumb as it softly passed over his quivering lips. 

“You’re...beautiful.” 

It was a simple truth and you wished there was a more sincere word you could use to describe what he was to you, what he meant to you but your mind was overflowing with images of waking up next to him every day and kissing his eyes and cheeks and nose and lips and anywhere else you could reach. 

Din’s hold tightened around your waist and you watched as he leaned forward until there was barely an inch between the two of you. 

“Mesh'la, I would really like to kiss you.” The request barely passed his lips yet you were already standing up on your tiptoes and pressing your lips to his, finding them as soft and gentle as you imagined them to be. Din was afraid his heart would give out any moment now because nothing could have prepared him for the taste of you, let alone the boldness with which you were claiming him. He sighed into you, unintentionally parting his lips and pushing you harder into the wall when he felt your tongue sneak into his mouth and explore him. Din wasn’t sure what he should be doing but then you were moving your hands to the nape of his neck and tangling your fingers into his hair and he all but lost it. As you gently tugged on his hair, Din found himself mirroring your actions and before he knew it, the kiss was no longer innocent and sweet but hungry and needy. You sucked on his tongue and tilted your head to the side, wanting to commit every small detail to memory so when you shut your eyes at night, you’d kiss him in your dreams. 

Reluctantly, you pulled back for a second to allow the two of you to breathe but Din didn’t like that, chasing your mouth and molding his lips with yours once more to be certain that yes, this was happening, and that no, this was not a dream. You moaned into the kiss, finding his desperate need to claim your mouth again more of a turn on than you cared to admit. And then his hands were slipping inside your overalls and holding you against his chest, the warmth of him stretching down to where you wished you could feel him. 

This sudden intrusive thought and the harsh grasp of your hips snapped you out of your haze and you realized you should be slowing things down for his sake. Against your will, you gently pushed his chest away and tried to think of anything but the way he was heaving above you from the intensity of the kiss. When you looked at him and saw panic and hesitation etched on his face, you returned your hands to his cheeks again and lowered his head until it was resting against your own. 

“There’s nothing I want more than to feel every inch of your skin against mine right now...but- but I don’t want to push you to do something that- maker….that might be too much for you?” You pulled back and waited until he opened his eyes again before continuing. “I feel like you just made a dramatic decision by taking the helmet off in front of me and- and you’re probably feeling a multitude of emotions right now and I don’t want to make you think that I-” 

Din didn’t like what you were saying, frowning down at you as he grabbed the back of your neck and violently pulled you towards him again. You were surprised by the sudden shift of his touch, fisting your hands in his cowl as he devoured your lips once more, not really giving you a chance to say anything else. Biting your lower lip, Din abruptly ended the kiss and pressed his lips across your skin, nipping and licking at your jaw as he pulled your hair down until he had access to your neck. You gasped his name and felt his stubble scratch deliciously at your shoulder. As you moaned against the wall, Din couldn’t back anymore and bit down hard on your shoulder, smiling when he heard your breath hitch at his rough ministrations. 

“Din, oh gods, Din please.” You weren’t sure what you were asking of him exactly and you hoped he’d at the very least continue what he was doing. 

“Cyar'ika, I want to have you. I’ve spent many nights dreaming of your lips, your touch, y-your skin against mine as I-” Din hesitated and it wasn’t until you felt his fingers slipping beneath the chest band that you finally registered his voice. Fuck, how had you not notice it a second ago? You thought the vocoder was what altered it, made it deeper perhaps. But no, it only made it sound more intimidating. You weren’t sure what made you clench your thighs together, the way he spoke to you of his desires, or how strained and gruff his voice was as he whispered his secrets to you. You gulped loudly and hesitantly met his eyes, finding the soft brown irises barely visible, his dilated pupils letting you know what he was thinking. 

Licking your lips, you nodded at him and fell into a fit of giggles when he leaned down and picked you up as if you weighed nothing, quickly moving to his cot and laying you down on your back before moving away. You were about to ask him what he was doing when you saw his hands swiftly move through the beskar armor. For some reason, watching his hands expertly take off the cuirass and move to the beskar of his thighs made your heart skip a beat and you wouldn’t dare move a muscle, afraid to miss the show he was unintentionally putting on for you. So busy marveling at his deft fingers, you didn’t notice Din slowing his movements and looking at you, eyebrows raised in curiosity when he saw how hard you were breathing. 

You broke out of your trance when you saw he stopped moving, embarrassment washing over you when you realized Din had caught you shamelessly staring at him as he came closer to revealing to you more of his skin. You’d expected him to move on, or at least pretend he hadn’t just caught you licking your lips while staring at his fingers but no, it seemed that Din was very much enjoying the effect he had on you because his smile grew when he saw your eyes look past him, pretending to focus on something else behind him and not his hands. 

You never lost his attention though, and he maintained his eyes on you as he removed all of his armor and took his boots off. You tried to be a little more subtle but gave up when he leaned down over you and pushed you into his covers. You wanted to ask him why he was still dressed but bit back the inquiry, afraid he’d misunderstand and move away all together at your question. He captured your gaze and didn’t blink once as he slowly undid the buttons holding the overalls and you realized you would have preferred him to keep the helmet on because that meant you wouldn’t notice how passionate and direct his deep brown irises were. You’d expected him to be intense considering how touch-starved and lonely he was, but you never once thought he’d be this vigorous? Ardent? Maker, there wasn’t a single word that could describe the way he was looking at you right now.

Din kneeled at the foot of the bed, waiting until you finally noticed what he was doing and raising your hips before he pulled on the pants of the garment. He slipped your shoes off and finally removed the article of clothing that made his cheeks blush and pants tighten whenever you wore it. He would eventually tell you that this is how you came to him in his dreams almost every night, all spent and sweaty in that gods-forsaken fabric that gave him the perfect view of what you were wearing beneath. 

His focus shifted from your face down your damp skin and he breathed in deeply at the sight of your undergarment. Din almost choked on his breath when your legs parted for a moment, giving him a glimpse of the growing wet patch at the center of the flimsy material.

The Mandalorian wanted nothing more than to worship your body, kiss every part of you and whisper his devotion against your skin as he pleasured you over and over again. He’d spent countless nights imagining what he’d do to you if you were ever naked and willing in his arms and he was damned if he didn’t make sure you were thoroughly spent once he was done with you. He wanted to hear his name fall from your lips and he wanted to swallow your sighs and your moans as he sank into you all night long. And by the gods, he wanted to mark your neck and your arms and your waist, and nothing made him harder than picturing you doing the same to him, biting and nipping at his skin so he could wake up in the morning and watch the evidence of your lo- your touch on him. It didn’t matter that no one else would see those bruises but him and you. He just wanted you, in any way possible, sinking beneath his skin.

And then he heard his voice calling for you over the comm link just outside the room and something snapped deep in his chest. He looked up from you to the open door of his room and listened to the Marshal’s words. Your eyes widened in shock when you saw several emotions pass through Din’s eyes, the most prominent of which was anger, maybe hurt. Of all the times Cobb would ask you to join him for drinks, this was most definitely the worst of them. It didn’t help either that he was laughing over some inappropriate joke one of his friends was saying about your sabacc skills. It wouldn’t be the first time this happened and it certainly wouldn’t be the last but then Din was clenching his jaw tightly before looking down at you and you knew he wasn’t too happy. In fact, you had a pretty good idea which emotion won out and you hated how much it affected you, how wet you became as thoughts of the Mandalorian claiming you as his flooded your mind.

Before you could try and reason with him, attempt to tell him that it was just a game and that the Marshal’s friends were probably just teasing him, Din was standing up and stripping of his long-sleeve shirt, revealing his perfectly chiseled, bronze skin that had your mouth watering within moments. You noticed the few dozen scars littering his beautiful torso and wished you could kiss each one of them, the old ones and the fairly new ones, until they didn’t sting with pain. But Din had different plans for you and he didn’t give you a chance to question him as he took hold of both of your wrists and slammed them above your head. His hold was painful and it should have scared you how quickly his mood changed but you said nothing, looking into his dilated pupils as his nose flared and he growled at you.

“Keep yours hands there,” Din warns you with a piercing look and you gulp loudly before nodding at him in understanding. He removes his hand and kneels on the bed, eyes narrowing at you before they sought after your most private areas. He wasn’t sure where to begin. He’d given this much thought but now that he was here, he realized it was a more difficult decision than he anticipated. He’d longed to wrap his lips around those hardened peaks always teasing him through the chest band, lick them until you cried for him, perhaps begged him to stop because you were sensitive. But then he continued down the lines of your navel and found your parted legs much more inviting. 

Now that Din knew how you felt, there was no reason for him to feel jealous. But he couldn't stop himself, wanting to be certain that you knew as well as he who you belonged to. He hated himself for having such primitive thoughts about you. You were your own person that much was made clear early on. But he could hope at your words, couldn’t he? He could hope that you were now his, and that he was yours. Maker, he was always yours. He just couldn’t admit it to himself, his heart reluctant at opening up to another. 

Din was lost in thought longer than you liked and you moved your feet towards him, nudging his thigh in hopes of reassuring him that you were right here, in his bed, beneath him and at his mercy. Din’s eyes focused on your again and he looked down at the soft gesture, hands instantly grabbing at your ankles. You jumped at the sudden movement, trying your hardest not to whine at the painful grasp because somewhere deep inside of you, you wanted nothing more than to be marked by him. By his teeth, lips, fingers, any part of him. You didn’t care where you’d bear his touch, you just wanted to see it, touch it in the privacy of the refresher when he wasn’t around. 

Din saw the needy look you were throwing him and he knew that you were willing. Willing to go as far as he wanted, willing to completely submit your body and soul to him, willing to do whatever he wished of you.

Before your eyes could flutter closed, Din was pushing your legs wide open and falling in between them while maintaining his gaze on you. He almost smiled when your stomach shook at how feral he probably looked. Leaning forward, he closed his eyes as his mouth latched onto the wet patch forming on the soft fabric of your undergarment, moaning into your cunt as he savored the taste seeping through. You were surprised by the boldness of the action and wished for him to lick your skin instead. But there was something erotic about the desperation behind his actions, wanting to taste you so much that he didn’t care what he was licking. 

The thought was gone as soon as it appeared because you felt two fingers stretch beneath the waistband right before he ripped it off of your body, shoving the torn fabric in his nose and taking a long whiff of it before humming in approval. Your eyes widened in surprise at the filthiness of his action, hands shaking above you when he threw your panties expertly into his helmet. The thought of knowing that your scent could potentially stick to the inside of his helmet as he walked around twisted your insides and you whined shamelessly at him, wishing he could just take what he wanted. 

“Your sounds belong to me,” Din spoke with a commanding voice as he sank in between your thighs again, his tongue dragging across your folds so deliciously hard until he pulled away, leaving a trail of saliva behind. “Your arousal belongs to me,” his hands went to your thighs and he squeezed, knowing fully well there would be bruises dawning your beautiful, smooth body the following morning. Again, you fought to keep your eyes open, wanting to commit every second to memory but finding it difficult to focus on him and not the pleasure zapping down your back. “And I will be damned if this cunt,” Din let go of one of your thighs, pulling his tongue away from your core right before the palm of his hand landed a slap straight on your clit, “doesn’t belong to me either.” You cried out his name, legs shaking violently at the pain shooting through your clit. Din didn’t give you a moment to relax back down on the covers, spanking the outer folds of your pussy twice more consecutively before he replaced the harsh touch with his cooling tongue. Tears trailed down your cheeks as he fucked you with his tongue and lapped at you like you were the only source of water on this gods-forsaken planet. He rotated between soft, quick licks to long, harsh ones, occasionally sucking on your clit and grazing his teeth on the bundle of nerves until he was sure you were going crazy. 

“D-Din oh maker, please. Stop I- slow down.” His touches were far from gentle and the pleasure blurred into pain as you tried to reach that delicious peak you’ve longed for ever since you harbored feelings for the man above you. But he was making it difficult, his needy and erratic movements making it near impossible for you to dive into the lake of pleasure. You should have known that the Mandalorian was as intense in bed as he was in every other aspect of his life. You shut your thighs around his head, wanting to push him away as his teeth continued to graze against your wet folds and nip at the pulsating nub. 

“M-Mando...I can’t.” You couldn’t take it anymore, hands moving to his hair and fisting in the beautiful brown locks as you tried to push him away. As soon as Din felt the tight grasp on his hair, he snarled at you, pushing up on his knees and bending your body along with him until the only thing resting on the bed was your neck and your shoulders. You cried out for him, begging him to give you release but it only drove him mad with lust. His eyes locked on yours, daring you to look away from him as his fingers dug into your butt cheeks and pushed your cunt into his mouth. 

Din pulled away for a split second, biting your inner thighs to grab your attention.

“You will take what I give you ner Cyar’ika.” You saw a hint of darkness in his soulful brown eyes, and shivered at the mere implications of what he had in mind for you. Din sucked and licked at your folds like a crazed man, feeling your legs shaking on his shoulders. He pulled away for a second, and you had no time to beg him to be gentle as he slapped your heated core three times again, hissing when you shut your eyes and bucked against him, your juices drenching his face and chest, leaking down your back as he smiled before taking your cunt into his mouth one last time to prolong your pleasure. You were too busy trying to remain sane to realize what had just happened and Din slowly lowered you back onto the wet covers before letting go of you. You were panting beneath him, stomach fluttering from the force of your release and chest heaving as you tried to fill your lungs with air. 

When you opened your eyes and looked at Din, your eyes widened in horror when you saw his glistening skin, finally realizing what he'd just done to you. You flushed under the scrutiny of Din’s gaze, gasping as he wiped his mouth and jaw with the back of his hand as he looked down and chuckled at the wet spot beneath his knees. You quickly shut your legs and tried to crawl away from him but Din was faster, grabbing your ankle and pulling you back to him, the show of strength already making your cunt clench around nothing again.

“You do not run from me Ad’ika...nor hide from me ever again. I own your body, your skin, the cum still leaking out of this sweet cunt.” His words were filthy and you didn’t know how to react to this new possessiveness he was showing. He pushed open your thighs and fell in between him, bringing his chest flush against yours and kissing the breath out of you, not bothering to be gentle as his fingers twisted and pinched at your nipples. You clawed at his back, wanting more of him but not knowing if you would be able to take any more of what he was offering. 

He pulled away suddenly, his jaw clenching tightly as he took one look at the hands wrapped around his back. 

“Did I not tell you to not move your hands sweet girl?” He whispered against your lips, breathing in the air leaving your lungs as he pecked the corner of your mouth before flipping you over on your stomach. 

“I- I’m sorry...it was just t-too much and-” You couldn’t finish the rest of the sentence, screaming against the covers as you felt Din’s palm land on your ass. You looked back and saw him eyeing your reddening skin, looking up at you and smiling as he treated the other side with the same kindness. Four more times his hands smacked your ass and you were ashamed at how aroused his violent actions made you. When he snuck his fingers in between your thighs and swiped haphazardly at your folds, you moaned and bit into your wrist. 

“Filthy sweet girl,” Din whispered more to himself than you before he fisted his hand in your hair and pulled you flush to his chest, the slide of your dampened back against his sweaty chest bringing him more pleasure than he would have liked to admit because not a few hours ago, he was picturing your sweaty, glistening skin beneath him. And now that he had you here, he was going to make the best of it. 

“Mando, oh Mando-” As much as he loved hearing you scream his nickname in the throws of passion, he wished more to hear his given name fall from your lips. 

“My name...scream my name sweet girl. Let the stars know who pleasures you Cyare.” Din kissed your shoulder before biting into the sweaty flesh, the hand in your hair letting go right before wrapping softly around your throat and pressing you harder against him. Your hands twisted back to try and grab his hair but he immediately took your wrist and twisted it until it was behind you, between your back and his chest. 

“Ahh Din…” You wanted to beg him to allow you to touch him, tell him that you were yearning to touch him as much as he was in need of touching you. But you had a feeling that this wasn’t true, and that this was his way of being certain that you weren’t going to leave him. That you were his. 

If only he knew that you have already belonged to him. Long before tonight.

You felt each breath leave your lungs as Din tightened his grasp around your throat and you parted your lips to moan his name, only to feel his tongue shamelessly licking into your mouth. So distracted by the desperation in this kiss, you didn’t notice the fingers trailing down your chest and digging into your skin until the palm of his hand softly cupped one breast. Din teased you with feather light touches, flicking at one nipple before moving to the other and circling around it until it hardened. He continued to swallow your noises, sucking on your tongue to quiet you as he pinched your nipples. You twisted in his arms, wanting to reach for him again but knowing that he would probably pull your hand away. 

When Din pulled away to allow you to breathe, you panted and finally opened your eyes, not daring to look away as he kept you motionless with his gaze. Din watched as you tried to form a coherent thought, waiting until you parted your lips to speak to him before reaching down and cupping your quivering cunt as he broke the silence.

“This belongs to me,” your breath hitched when Din pressed the palm of his hand against you, not quite applying pressure on your clit but just enough to hold your focus. “Only I get to touch you, kiss you, watch you as you come undone in my arms.” You nodded briefly at him, continuing to hold eye contact as he began to increase his actions. “No one else will ever have you Cyar'ika. No one but me.” He slipped two fingers past your wet folds and rubbed against your walls, humming in approval when he felt you flutter around him the harder he shoved his fingers inside you. 

“I’m yours Din, y-yours. Whatever you want, oh gods please more...need more, Din you make me f-feel so good.” Din keened at your words, curling his hand until his palm was passing deliciously over your clit as his fingers picked up the pace. 

“That’s right sweet girl, you’re mine. Mine to fuck, mine to take whenever I want...mine to-” Din hesitated for a second, unable to voice his heart to you even though you’ve bared your soul for him. “Pal'vut at kar'taylir darasuum...kriffing gods you’re wet, so wet for me. Come on, cum for me again ner Cyare. Show me how good I make you feel. Show me how needy this little cunt is, fuck- I...can’t want to have you wrapped around my cock little one. Can’t wait to sink in this pussy, my sweet tight cunt, mark you with my seed, over and over again...fuck a load in you all night long till you can’t feel anything but my cum dripping down your thighs. Shit, I need you to cum, now!” Your mind became foggy with pleasure, unable to focus on anything but the words whispered into your ears as his thick fingers fucked into you. You grabbed the wrist of the hand wrapped around your throat, digging your nails into his skin as you came around his fingers. You almost fell forwards but Din held you flush against him, continuing to drive his digits into you and rub at your clit with this thumb until you were sobbing in his arms. 

“Beautiful,” Din kissed your shoulder as he slowly inched his hands away from you before laying you down slowly. His eyes took in the flushed, wet skin of your back, chuckling with pride when he saw your legs shaking as little sobs escaped your lips. Your breaths came in shallow and quick, and you tried to silence your whines by biting into your wrists but then you felt Din slide his hand back and forth on your back as he laid next to you and you shivered under his touch because from the way he was moving closer to you and touching you, there was no way he was done just yet. 

“You’re all I think about, every waking moment. It’s difficult to focus on anything else when you’re always in my mind Cyar'ika. I- I burn for you, for your lips to caress mine every moment, your eyes to never leave mine as I brand you, your skin against my own as you mark me with your touch. I- maker, I cannot think of a life without you here, with me…” Din thought he would have to force himself to say such things but he found it remarkably easy now that he had you here, responding so openly and shamelessly to him.

“Din,” you turned your head and shifted towards him, kissing the hand resting between the two of you before leaning your forehead against his and shutting your eyes. “I’m not going anywhere. I’m staying right here, for as long as you’ll have me.” Din ceased all movement at your words and he looked away from where he was stroking your back, meeting your eyes and furrowing his eyebrows before you felt him grab your arm and pull you on top of him. You surprised gasp died in your throat when you felt Din wrap his arms around your back and bring you against him until you could feel his chest hairs tickling your nipples. You could feel his cock jutting against your core through his pants and as you rested your hands on his chest and looked to him, you saw the frown ease from his expression, replaced with something akin to reverence. 

“I will have you until my dying breath Mesh’la. Let me show you how much I want you.” The force of his declaration hit you instantly and you pressed your lips against his just as you felt him rid himself of his pants. Din’s hands were roaming your back and you felt bolder with every caress, combing your fingers into his hair and pulling on it as he squeezed your ass and bucked into you. The growl emanating from his chest shot straight to your core and you raised yourself from him for a moment.

“Din, I want you. Crave to feel you inside me. Please, do it fast and don’t- don’t be gentle. Show me, show me how much you lo- want me.” Din’s heart skipped a beat at your words and he wasted no time, taking hold of his cock and teasing your clit with his leaking tip before slowly inching inside you. You shut your eyes and dug your nails into the back of his neck as he continued to sheath his dick deeper in your cunt. You could feel every ridge and pulsating vein dragging against your inner walls, finally allowing your lungs to breathe as you felt him nudge and twitch against that soft, spongy spot in your core. 

Neither of you moved for a few moments, with Din trying to wrap his mind around finally becoming one with you and feeling you clench so sweetly around him. He was torn between fucking up into you without mercy and taking it nice and slow until he pushed you over the edge again. But then you were gyrating your hips and sighing his name on his cheek and he knew what he wanted. 

Planting his feet on the damp covers, Din held you flush against him with one arm while resting his other hand on your thigh, nuzzling into the crook of your neck as he snapped his hips up before sinking into you again. You let out a surprised sob and rested your forehead against his shoulder, whispering more pleas against his skin and begging him to move. 

The usually quiet man breathed the sweetest wishes in your ears, thrusting up into you with immense force that made you clench tighter around him. “Ni copad gar an te ca'nara Ad’ika, ni vercopa be gar anay ca. You have made a home for yourself inside my heart.” Din felt your shaky breath blow on his neck and it drove him mad with lust because he wanted to have you reacting to his touch so wantonly every minute of every day. His grip only tightened around you and he prayed you wouldn’t mind the bruises that would surely color your skin in the next few hours. He wasn’t planning on being gentle tonight, perhaps later, but not tonight, and he was going to ensure his touch would be visible for anyone that would speak with you tomorrow. Thoughts of the Marshal passed through his mind’s eye and he growled, pumping his cock into you harshly for some reassurance. You cried out his name over and over again, feeling your skin heat up at the declarations of love he was peppering on your skin because even though his words were gentle, his touches were far from it.

The squelching sounds of your cunt flooding Din’s thighs as he drove himself into you should have embarrassed you but you could tell he enjoyed knowing how wet you were for him from the way he continued to quicken the pace just to hear your juices flowing over him. His grip on you was becoming more painful the more you moved against each other but you couldn’t find it in yourself to let him know. He was letting go, showing you how much he wanted you, how hard he was for you, and you weren’t about to make him feel conscious over his affection.

“Maker...oh Din, Din I- you feel so good inside me. Filling me up like no one else. Could feel you so deep, gods, could feel you everywhere Din please- don’t stop. Don’t fucking stop, I need it. Need you, want you- want you to mark me, d-do whatever you want with me.” You had no hold over your own speech and weren’t sure if you were making any sense but Din moaned each time you praised him.

“Good girl, sweet girl...taking my cock so well, kriffing hell. Your- your pussy is squeezing the fuck out of me..could feel every tight inch of you stroking my cock Cyar’ika. Ah pfassk...you’re- you’re perfection.” Din moved the hand around your back up to your neck, pulling on your hair and pressing his lips with yours as his cock throbbed inside you. You whined as his tongue roughly swirled around your own, barely able to breathe as he continued to snap his hips against you and suddenly feeling a rush of relief as his navel rubbed at your clit until you came around him. Din broke the kiss, screaming expletives in his tongue as the force of your orgasm pushed his cock out of you. You shuddered as you gushed on his dick, wrapping your arms around his neck when he forced his cock into your tight cunt again. 

You were so overcome with emotions, so lost in Din’s scent mixing with your own, and his touch leaving bruises on your skin, that you didn’t notice the faint sounds of footsteps coming up the ramp and halting in the middle of the ship right in front of the door. But Din noticed, managing to look up just in time to see Cobb standing in the middle of the ship and staring with wide eyes at the scene unfolding in front of him. 

Something completely otherworldly took over the Mandalorian and he quickly sat up, expertly moving the two of you around until he was kneeling on the covers with you straddling his thighs. He smiled against your shoulder, allowing your hair to hide his face as he grabbed both of your hips and fucked up into you. 

He could vaguely see the Marshal and was surprised that he hadn't dropped the bottle of drink in his hand just yet. You wailed into the night air, arms keeping you stead in Din’s arms as he forced you on his pulsating dick over and over again. 

“Tell me...tell me Cyare, tell me how much you love it when I fuck you. How much you need my cock like the filthy little cockslut you are. Go on sweet girl, grind that little clit on me. Fucking tell me ner Ad’ika.” Din smacked your ass twice, chuckling when your moans grew more lewd with every touch he laid on you.

“I- I- ahhh love your cock...oh maker, no one fucks me like you. N-no one makes me c-cum like you. Fuck me harder D- ahhh,” Din bit down on your shoulder to prevent you from saying his name, looking through the mess of your hair and watching as his audience remained incapable of moving. 

“I own this pretty little pussy. Pffassk- ride me harder Mesh’la. You’re such a good girl, could feel your cunt drenching my thighs, the smell of you is driving me mad. Fuck- keep that pretty mouth open to me when I’m fucking you, let me hear you scream for me.”

“Please- please...fuck me harder, ruin my pussy. Gods- I..I’m so close please. Tell me you own me, tell me I’m you’re sweet girl. Please- I want to be good for you, want you to cum inside me Din...cum inside me. I need it, need you to fuck me like you own me and mark me, make me yours Mando. Cum in me, please-” 

“Ah fuck you’re my sweet little girl aren’t you? Wanting me to fuck a load in you, cum in you all night long and keep my seed in that tight cunt? That’s it sweetheart, I’m so fucking hard for you. Could feel you clenching around me...be a good girl and cum again ner kar'ta. Fuck, yes yes you feel so good wrapped around my cock Cyare you’re going to make me cum. Spill my seed in that tight, wet pussy, fill you up till you can taste it in your throat. Shit, and- and I’m going to keep fucking you sweet girl, till my cum is sliding down your thighs. My little fucktoy- come on, come on love, cum for me. Cum on me, drench me again. Mix your juices with me.” Din watched as Cobb finally had the mind to leave and he almost laughed at how the man almost tripped on his own foot as he sprinted out of the ship. He pushed you on your back and spread your thighs open, resting his weight on the arms around your head as he thrust in a few more times before he felt you clench around him. Leaning down, Din took a pert nipple in his mouth and sucked on it, growling into your skin as he came deep in your pussy, painting your walls with long strings of his seed until he couldn’t breathe. He’d never cum this hard before and was sure to tell you when you had the state of mind to pay him any semblance of attention.

Din continued to lazily push into you, your words from earlier replaying in his mind as he felt you quiver around his softening cock. You were still coming down from your high and twitched occasionally when you felt him throb inside you. There was a pleasant kind of warmth washing over you and you sighed happily when you realized he was still bucking against you to push his cum in your belly. 

“D-din...you’re filling me up so good. Feel so full ah- gah.” He laughed when your body shook, wrapping his arms around you and flipping you around until you were laying on his chest. You kissed his jaw and his neck, moaning in unison when you felt his dick rub against that sweet spot inside you. 

“That’s because I’ve never cum this hard sweet girl. You’ve milked me dry Cyare. Could feel you sucking my seed out of me.” He was amazed at your obvious embarrassment, wanting to tease you about it but choosing to wait for later instead.

Din rubbed at your back, kissing your forehead as he whispered sweet things in your ears and smiling when you nipped at his neck some more. 

“Promise me you’ll never leave.” Din’s quiet voice broke the silence and you pushed up to look into his eyes as you responded. “I’m not going anywhere, even if you tell me to go. I’ll stay here, always. I promise.” You kissed him gently and felt his pulse beneath your fingers calm at your words. 

Not much time has passed before Din had you on your knees in front of him, fucking your mouth and shoving you down on his cock until you gagged and his seed slipped from the corner of your mouth, mixing with your spit as it fell down your breasts. You lost count of how many times he brought you pleasure, and you made a mental note to ask him how he managed to fuck you all night long. You weren’t sure it was possible for a man to cum this many times over the course of one night but you had a feeling Din was not like anyone else. A man who has been touch starved for almost three decades must have had a lot of pent-up aggression that he needed to release. And you would gladly help him in any shape or form through that. 

And when he wasn’t pumping your cunt full of his cum, he was nuzzling into your neck and laying kisses across your arms, making sure he caressed every inch of your skin. You shouldn’t have been surprised that Din loved to snuggle with you but you did find it hilarious that such a big and scary Mandalorian whimpered when you licked down his neck as you nestled into his arms. You wouldn’t tell him just yet but besides his rough grasps and his filthy words, you loved to taste the saltiness of his skin and from the looks of it, the feelings were mutual because at some point in the night, he’d told you of all the times he had to lock himself up in the refresher and try his hardest to not think of your sweaty limbs entangling with his own as he kissed you.

By the time the two of you made it outside the following day, the twin suns had already been in the middle of the sky, scorching rays of heat on everyone across Mos Pelgo. You tried your hardest not to walk too funny, mostly because it made Din apologize every now and then, but it was difficult when you could still feel traces of his touch on you. You told him you needed him to stop making it obvious but realized he was apologizing out of regret not out of humor. It took you all of the afternoon to convince him that you were feeling more than okay and that you’d asked him for this. And when he didn’t seem to stop, you teased him and told him that you knew he secretly loved watching you wobble from side to side. 

This all, however, peaked when you walked into the cantina and tried to play Sabbac with Cobb Vanth and the others. You could tell that the Marshal was avoiding all conversation with you, going out of his way to pretend you weren’t even sitting on the table, let alone the room. You hoped that Mando hadn’t spoken with him or anything and decided to call it quits earlier in the night. When you did make it back to the ship and saw Din cleaning his weapons, you made sure the ship was secure before moving to sit on the bed across from him.

“Did you talk to Cobb today?” You gauged his reaction, already sensing that something was wrong when you saw him nervously clench his jaw before rubbing furiously at the beskar weapon.

“No, why do you ask?” Din wished he hadn’t already taken off his helmet because as soon as he responded, you knew he wasn’t telling you the whole truth.

“Din?”

He looked up at you and cleared his throat before speaking.

“He- he saw us...last night. I- I must have forgotten to raise the ramp and-” Din took a deep breath when you shot up from the cot and began to pace back and forth. 

“HE WHAT?”

“We were...I couldn’t- there wasn’t a chance I could…you felt too good around me Ad’ika I- I couldn’t stop. Not when you were clenching around me so tightly. Now when you were finally in my arms. I-” He stood up and walked towards you, taking your hands into his and kissing both of your wrists. You flushed at his words and looked up at him, only to find him blushing under your gaze. 

“You did it on purpose didn't you? You wanted him to see...to watch as you- as we...as I said-” Din didn’t let you finish the sentence, leaning down and molding his lips with yours as he walked you back to his bed. He pushed you down on the covers still holding your scents, his hold hardening the more you moaned against him. Before he could strip you of your clothes, you pushed him off and stuck out your finger in warning.

“Oh no you don’t. Go raise the ramp.”

“You’re giving me orders now Mesh’la?” Din raised an eyebrow at you as he got off of you and walked around the bed, halting at the doorstep to look back at you.

“Never…”

Translations:

Ad'ika - Little one

Mesh'la - Beautiful

Cyar'ika - Darling/Sweetheart

Cyare - Beloved

Ner - my/mine

Pal'vut at kar'taylir darasuum - mine to love

Ni copad gar an te ca'nara - I want you all the time.

Ni vercopa be gar anay ca - I dream of you every night. 

Ner kar'ta - my heart

[kumoriyami-xiuzhen]

Hakuoki Character Drama CD Book Vol 1 - Okita

Alright! This is my first post of the month, so I’ll start by asking you to please support me if you can through my ko-fi, and paypal or patreon! Finally got my patreon back in order almost until the start of October though I now have a headache from translating so much lol! Sorry it took so long! Not sure what I’ll do for December yet as I’m considering translating just the 2020 CxM X-mas story and the only other Café Enchante content I have, and then subtitling the rest of the month... as I really would like to get a head-start on my 2023 queue (aka yuugiroku) and want time to get my video stuff out of the way. 

Also, I’m 100% certain that I’ll be shipping the Hakumyu Shinkai Saito-hen Blu-ray I’ve ordered this month since my proxy address has received the Morimyu CDs along with some other things that I was looking for, and I am getting super impatient... plus I helped my brother pre-order two FE3H figurines from Japan so anything else is going to be consolidated when shipping those.

Anyway. I ended up going with deciding to translate all of these Character Dramas... mainly because of Saito’s (obviously due to bias and bias>all :P), but most of them did make me smile while reading them... Slight angst warning for this one though cuz it’s souji hahaha. 

enjoy!

Hakuoki Character Drama CD Book Volume 1  Okita Souji-hen - Autumn Leaves Sentiments (not 100% bout the title name again)

Translation by KumoriYami

Act 1

Time: morning

Location: Bedroom

SE: the sound of sparrows

Yukimura:.....Nn.

【The sunlight stung me when I opened my eyes. The rain/storm windows [literally rain window] opened as they swayed, and chilling feeling from the autumn wind coming in,  reminded me that summer had passed.】

Yukimura: Huh? Why is the window open...

【I looked over to Souji-san, who should have been sleeping beside me.】

Yukimura; Eh? Souji-san, where did you go?

【I used my hand to check where Souji-san had slept in bed, but I wasn't able to feel any heat [word I have is 'temperature'], so it seems like he hadn't just left. As I hurriedly got up, someone from behind suddenly stopped me. 】

Okita: Ah, you're already up. You could have slept a while longer.

【Hearing that familiar voice, I turned my head and saw Souji-san, who was apparently in a good mood.】

Yukimura: Souji-san! Where did you go in your night clothes [alt: pajamas, but given the time period 'night clothes' felt more appropriate...]?

Okita: I woke up too early. After seeing your cute sleeping face, I thought of this..... here, for you.

【As he spoke, Souji-san decorated my hair with something.】

Yukimura: ? What is this...?

Okita: They're Momiji leaves [the tl i use translates to "red autumnal leaves", but since "紅葉 " is in the JP title, I'll be using that term, “momiji”, which are Japanese maple trees.]. The last time I picked wild vegetables with you, I found a maple tree. Afterwards, I realized that it was almost time for the maple leaves to be in season. Actually I originally wanted to come home before you got up to scare you, but that unfortunately failed.

【Once he said that, Souji-san stuck out his tongue with a mischievous expression. Seeing that expression, I couldn't say that I felt uneasy because he had left me by myself...】

Yukimura: Really.... in that case, shouldn't you have left a note?

【Souji-san showed an apologetic expression to me, who was a little angry.】

Okita: Sorry, I was only thinking about making you happy when I went out. As an apology, after finishing breakfast, I'll bring you to see the maple tree.

【With that, Okita-san pressed his index finger over his mouth, as if he were he were keeping a secret.】

Yukimura: hehe, I understand. Then let's go after eating breakfast, and once I finish drying our wet clothes [I'm assuming this is supposed to be "laundry"].

Okita: Eh, if you want to dry the laundry, you can do it tomorrow. I want to show you right away. It really is very pretty. The tree is dyed in red and yellow, it really resembles a dessert/almost like a snack.

Yukimura: I'm looking forward to it, but I must hang my clothes well before going. More importantly, isn't it cold outside? You'll catch a cold when you go in your night clothes.

Okita: Ah, speaking of which, it did seem a bit cold. Because all I was thinking about was the momiji leaves, I didn't notice it that much. But you don't need to worry, I'm fine.

Yukimura: The next time you go out, you must remember to change your clothes.

Okita: Nn, I'll change my clothes then. I don't want to make you worry.... Haaah [this is a yawn. i don't know what's the best sfx text to use], maybe I got up too early this morning, Maybe I got up too early in the morning, I'm still sleepy.

Yukimura: Then go to sleep for a bit, alright? I'll go prepare breakfast, I'll wake you up once it's ready.

Okita: Nn, that so. But, it's fine to have breakfast a little later, come and sleep with me.

【With that, Souji-san pulled my hand and tried to pull me back under the covers.】

Yukimura: But, I'm already awake...

Okita; If you can't sleep, just stay with me until I fall asleep before leaving.

Yukimura: In that case, won't we be too late to see the momiji leaves?

Okita: Oh, how bothersome. Then I'd better get up and get changed.

Yukimura: Then I'll go change and go prepare breakfast.

Okita: Ah, wait.

【With that, Okita-san put his hand on my head.】

Okita: Good morning.

【He smiled at me.】

--------

Act 2

Time: Noon

Location: Outside

SE: footsteps

Okita: Autumn is coming. You're right, wind is getting colder outside. Aah, I won't be able to take a nap in the sun soon.

【As Souji-san walked, he expressed his regret that summer was coming to an end.】

Yukimura: Ah, Souji-san truly loves taking naps on the grass.

Okita: Nn. It's fine now, but it's not doable in the winter. Although sleeping in a room isn't bad, it's more comfortable to sleep outside [when/where] the wind is blowing.

Yukimura: Speaking of which, while we were still in Kyoto, you would often take naps /

Okita: Indeed. At the time I often took naps on the roof to hide from the annoying HIjikata-san. Ahaha, I haven't fallen down even once.

Yukimura: Sleeping on the roof... Don't do that sort of danger thing in the future again.

Okita: I won't. Because I don't need to sneakily hide around like that anymore, and rather want you to take more care of me.

Yukimura: Really... Souji-san is always like this...

【As I spoke, I stared at Souji-san. There was something I always wanted to say to him... so I might as well take the opportunity...】

Okita: Since you're staring at me, is there something wrong?

Yukimura: Well, I find taking it's very comfortable to take a nap, but if you take too many naps, won't you be unable to sleep at night?

Okita: I'm glad that you're worrying about me, but I'll still be able to fall asleep. Because as long as you're lying down next to me, I can fall asleep immediately if I hold onto you. Don't you think so?

Yukimura: That's right.

Okita: As long as I'm holding you as you sleep/If I sleep with you in my arms, I will always fall asleep immediately. That way, even when it comes time for us to part, I feel that I'll always be with you... such a thing is obviously impossible.

【With that, Souji-san held my hand that he was tightly holding even tighter. His hand was gentle and soft, and I grasped his hand.】

Okita: I'm so happy that I'm able to walk with hand in hand with you like this, it's terrifying. We'll be there soon, so don't let go of my hand.

Yukimura: Yes!

-time lapse-

【After a while, we reached the momiji trees.】

Yukimura; Wow, how beautiful!

【The entire tree was adorned with red maple leaves, and looked truly unreal.】

Okita: Rights, it's really beautiful.

【Souji-san wasn't looking at the momiji leaves, but rather at me, and his expression seemed very satisfied. [reword later. the sentence structure is screwed up... but im lazy and have a tendency to follow what the tl does until i need to worry about subtitling]】

Okita: That's great. I just wanted to see you with that expression.

Yukimura: Thank you, Souji-san. You brought me to see such beautiful momiji.

【After expressing my thanks, Souji-san revealed a smile, and he finally looked towards the maple trees.】

Okita:....Ah, you may not remember, but this isn't the first time we've gone together to enjoy momiji. A long time ago... although I don't remember the exact time, but on the way back from a patrol, I brought you to mountains in Kyoto. At the time, while it was only the two of us, the feeling was completely different from now.

Yukimura;....I remember. It was quite windy that day, but the maple leaves were also very beautiful.

【Okita-san seemed to be startled by what I said. It seems that he didn't think I would have remembered. Then, Souji-san sat beneath a huge momiji tree and waved to me, so I sat down next to him. 】

Okita: I'm certain, that during that time, I started paying attention to you because you were the first person to listen to my jokes... No, it was just Kondou-san and you.

Yukimura:........

Okita: I didn't expect to recall that upon seeing these momiji, and how I would always say mean things to you. I hope you can forget that, at look at how I am now.

Yukimura: No, I won't forget that. Because that's an important memory from before I met Souji-san and when we lived here together.

Okita: That's really amazing, since you put it that way, it seems that it's become a very important memory.... Well, it's not that there are no memories that you want to forget. But the time we spent together with everyone is still firmly kept in my mind [reword later?].

【With that, Souji-san placed a hand over his chest, and I put my hand over his.】

Yukimura: Please don't forget any of your memories. Because we've been able to live together like this today, all of those memories have accumulated.

Okita:....Well, yeah. No that won't do, I always let you see how weak I am. In fact, I want you to depend on me a bit more.

Yukimura: I am always depending on Souji-san. I'm able to live peacefully in my hometown now because Souji-san is here.

Okita; I'm happy that you're able to say that.

【With that, Souji-san lifted his head and looked at the momiji.】

Okita: Let's go back after looking at these for a while. I really like looking at stuff together with you like this.

Yukimura: Nn, I like that too.

【Thus, the two of us snuggled up together and looked up at the momiji.】

--------

Act 3:

Time: Evening

Location: Bedroom

【After making the bed, I used one of the momiji leaves I had picked as a bookmark. At that moment, Souji-san came in from behind. 】

SE: Footsteps

Okita; What are you doing?

Yukimura: I want to make something out of the momiji leaves we brought back today as a souvenir/memento...

【As I said this, I put the maple leaf into the book that was in my hands. As a result, in order to not interfere [tl is 'disturb' or 'bother'] Souji-san hugged me from behind...】

Okita: As a souvenir from today, is it. If only we could ? I wish we could commemorate more [things like this] for just the two of us in the future/["I wish we could create more memories for the two of us in the future".... i suppose would work?].

【As he spoke, Souji-san gazed sleepily at the book that the leaf had been put into it. Seeing him like this, I knew what he was thinking.】

Yukimura:  We'll be together in the future, won't we?

【To alleviate my uneasiness, I said something like that.】

Okita: Nn, we'll always be together.

【Souji-san only said one sentence, and smiled.】

Okita: Okay, let's go to sleep. [I/We. got no subject in this sentence..] walked a lot today, and seem to be quite tired.

Yukimura: Okay.

【With that, we laid down together. After putting out the light, I closed eyes, but drowsiness didn't come... just then, Souji-san suddenly spoke. 】

Okita: Hey, are you asleep?

【Hearing Souji-san's words, I opened my eyes.】

Yukimura: No

Okita; Before falling asleep, I want to ask you something. Getting up in the morning... going for a walk together after eating breakfast, eating together, and then falling asleep like this...

What do you think of such an ordinary day?

【In the face of Souj-san's slightly impatient question, I thought of my response for a moment. 】

Yukimura: I think it's just because it's so normal, that's why its a very important day. I'm very happy to be able to live peacefully with Souji-san like this.

Okita: hehe, it's great that you can say that. But I think differently.

【With that, Souji-san patted my head.】

Okita:  Being able to spend my days peacefully with my lover/spouse, is already extraordinary for me. Every day when I wake up, you're right beside me, eating the meals you've cooked together, walking with you while holding your hand, and sleeping with you... For me, everything is already a miracle.

I want to spend every day with you together like this.

【Perhaps seeing the unease in my heart, Souji-san deliberately spoke in a gentle words to reassure me. 】

Yukimura: I love you, Souji-san.

Okita: Nn, I love you too

【After that, he gently kissed my forehead. Listening to Souji-san's words, my mind was at ease, and I finally closed my eyes. I could vaguely hear Souji-san's voice.... 】

Okita: Good night, see you tomorrow.

【I fell fast asleep】

Starring: Okita Souji.... Morikubo Showtaro  

-----------------------------

Like the Hijika one I translated for last week, I put in the -san suffix everywhere I though it would likely go. This is also going to be the last time I mention this... cuz I’m lazy.

[chifuyuzu]

leap of faith — sano manjiro x reader.

word count — 1.3k.

genre — fluff fluff fluff, i love sweet mikey.

contains — cursing, timeskip SPOILERS present, reader is gender neutral.

description — sano manjiro is in love with you, and he realizes how much he loves you at the ass crack of fuckin' dawn.

author's note — hey besties, this is my first published fic here, kinda short but mikey brain rot is heavy. i hope you enjoy this cute fic before i rip your hearts out with some angst in a few days :^) reblogs and likes are always appreciated! and please give me feedback in my inbox! hehe, enjoy.

“it’s late.”

you know. but you still wanted to hear the sound of his voice before bed.

“mm… i missed ya’, is that a crime?” your voice echos through the receiver, the sound of your duvet crinkling in the background as you shift in place. sano manjiro was a busy man. always has been, always will be. being the leader of a biker gang was never easy—let alone some “new age” criminal organization.

you didn’t understand why manjiro persisted to play this game of russian roulette with his life. but it was never your place to overstep, especially since this was his life. it was all he knew, all he understood. you’re not sure what he’s doing, or if he’s even allowed to talk on the phone at this hour, but you still wanted to hear him. just so you know he’s alive and well.

you hear him chuckle, the sound of his feet scurrying against whatever floor his sandals were clacking against. the background noise that accompanied him earlier has dissipated; you realized he probably went outside to hear you better.

“your crime is loving a fool like me way too much. don’t think you’re sane.” he’s right. you’re actually crazy for even pursuing him. there was a lot of push and shove in the beginning, both parties scared of being hurt and getting hurt. but you were always there, even when manjiro went through whatever darkness was eating at his soul.

“crazy for you.”

“corny.”

“you love me.”

a pause. eerie enough to send shivers down your spine. why wasn’t he responding? did something happen? did you smother him too much? is he regretting—

“marry me.”

… not what you were expecting. especially not over the phone.

“sano manjiro, did you just propose over the phone? what kind of shitty rom-com are we in?”

“is that a no?”

“... never said that.” you wanted to marry him. but you wanted him to put that lifestyle behind, for the sake of the family you might have in the future. kids, dogs, cats, etcetera. you wanted him to be in, one hundred percent. but you knew he was too deep into this world to run now—especially since he’s so well-known as the ‘invincible mikey.’ you still longed for a happy home with manjiro, and a normal life.

“maybe you’re right. it’s not my style to ask you this over the phone.”

“try again later. when you’re really ready.”

the gag is, he is ready.

manjiro hurries home, blond locks hidden underneath a thin, black hoodie. he’s shaking, like a pomeranian in the presence of fireworks. his hand meets the left side of his chest, back pressed up against the grey colored wall of your shared apartment as he slides down to sit on the floor. it was four in the morning, and manjiro was about to shit himself.

he gulps, eyes peering around for you, double checking that you were fast asleep before he makes a phone call. his fingers tapped the back of his iphone, impatiently waiting for the other caller to answer. though it was the crack of dawn, he still needed some moral support.

“mikey? fuck you callin’ for at this hour? haven’t heard from you in mo—”

“ken-chin. i’m proposing.”

a loud ‘flop’ rang through the receiver, accompanied by the bedsheets seemingly slipping underneath draken’s feet. it was a huge bomb to drop, especially when the duo has been separated for months on end. manjiro hears more shuffling, followed by a few curses. “you’re fucking lying. the one you’ve been one since—?”

“yeah. i’m crazy as hell. but i love them. head over heels. i’m a goddamn simp.”

“why the hell am i the first to know, man?”

“you’re m’best friend, even if i need to stay away from you. and, also… you’re not the first to know. i asked them already.”

“you WHAT? don’t fuckin’ tell me you did it some dumb way like over the pho— you did. you’re impulsive enough to do it like that, too.” regardless of how long it’s been, draken still knows and understands manjiro like nothing ever happened.

“yeah… not romantic. but i can’t see myself with anyone else. i trust no one else. but i… am…”

“scared? man, you’re the head of a criminal organization. ‘course you’re scared. you don’t want the love of your life… to get hurt…” his voice trails off and manjiro’s heart tenses even more. the memories of the past still felt fresh. all the people they lost in tokyo manji… could never be replaced. not in a million years.

but the living must live.

“i love y/n. never felt like this before. i’d quit everything. but i would have to make sure they’re safe and whatever future we have together is secure. i know i promised takemichi that i’d protect everyone and that future he worked so hard to save… but what about mine?”

manjiro really did sacrifice everything for his friends. being the type of person who carries everyone else’s burdens takes a toll on his mental. he felt selfish for wanting to leave it all behind. but maybe being selfish was beneficial once in a while.

“listen—”

“do you think i’m stupid?”

“mikey. you’re not stupid,” draken sighs, shuffling again in place. “you just want to love someone and be loved in return. nothin’ stupid about that. what is stupid though, is you proposing over the damn phone.”

he’s not wrong. it was a spur of the moment decision that could drastically change his life forever. but with you, he doesn’t care. as long as you’re his, forever.

“how do you think i should do it?”

“well. i guess, tell me some sappy shit. how do you feel about them, and whatnot.”

“i don’t think i could ever imagine me with anyone else. a lot of people have tried to grab my attention but i only have eyes for y/n. sometimes when shit gets real hard…” manjiro takes a deep sigh, fingers threading through his hair, tilting back the hood to let it fall onto his back. “i think of y/n and i remember that even in this shit world, someone is here for me. someone cares about me. they make me feel like i’m not alone anymore.

i have dreams ‘bout us, y’know? me and y/n… kids running around. a little mikey clone. pissin’ them off because we want little flags on our meals. going to the park and letting kids be kids. maybe i’ll teach ‘em at a dojo like gramps did for me and my siblings. maybe i’ll teach ‘em about bikes—with your help, of course.”

draken laughs, letting his friend continue his little speech as he gets comfortable in bed again. don’t think i’ve ever seen mikey like this, ever, draken muses.

“man, we can own a whole zoo if we wanted. chifuyu could hook us up, in secret, of course. still have to protect everyone,” manjiro is grinning from ear to ear, head resting against the wall. “i wanna grow old with them. honestly, i didn’t think i’d make it to my twenties. more so, i didn’t want to live past twenty-something. but now… things are different. wanna be old and gray. see grandkids terrorize our children. die together.”

the tension in manjiro’s chest has faded away, only left with warmth that only you could bring him. his free hand reaches into his pocket to fumble with a small box, snapping it open to reveal the engagement ring his grandfather handed down to him.

he wasn’t the marrying type. but for you, he was.

“that all? you sound good like that, man. make an exception and let us come to the wedding.”

manjiro wants that more than anything. his friends, you... all safe. all happy. but again, the fear creeps up. he doesn’t know what to do with himself if any of you get hurt.

“... how do i tell y/n that?”

“you already have.” your voice makes him jump, knocking the velvet box out of his fingers and onto the hardwood floor. his face pales, followed by a huge lump forming at his throat when he sees your figure emerge from your shared bedroom.

“i-uh… i thought you were a-asleep.” manjiro mumbles, earning a huge laugh from draken on the other side. he hears him say something along the lines of ‘my cue to leave. good luck. send me an invite.’

“i was waiting for you.” 

he’s sweating now, a small bead forming at the base of his neck. his phone is now at his side, the screen flashing from draken’s caller id to the lockscreen photo of you on your first date together, a few years back. your eyes zone into the box, though.

“i was going to do this… better. god, i fucked up, huh?”

you’re laughing now, rubbing your tired eyes before you join him near the wall, picking up the box. “what makes you think that, dummy?”

now he’s confused. you wanted him to ask when he was serious, but in his head, serious meant rose petals, candles, someone singing celine dion in the distance.

without a word, you slip the ring onto its appropriate finger, holding up to the small rays of sunlight that peaked through the window from the approaching sunrise. manjiro’s hands fly up to your face, holding his whole world in his hands. his eyes are shiny, on the brink of tears. you nudge your noses together, foreheads connecting tenderly. your hands hooked onto the hem of his hoodie, bringing his frame closer as you whisper a soft ‘yes.’

“yes?”

“yes, i’ll marry you.”

manjiro’s lips curl up into the silliest grin you’ve ever seen him sport, before he presses a soft kiss to your lips. now he’s kissing you quite desperately. as if he’s trying to make sure you’re real, that this isn’t a dream. you feel his words vibrate against your lips, “gonna make you so happy, i promise. i love you. i love you so, so much.”

“forevermore.”

“forever yours.”

[luci-in-trenchcoats]

If I Fell For You (Part 14) - Keep Close

Summary: The Ackles have the Padalecki’s over for dinner and let it slip that they’re engaged. Things seem to be going well but the anniversary of the accident is coming up and the reader comes up with the Ackles taking their first vacation together as a means of distracting Jensen as well reconnecting with Ray...

Masterlist

Pairing: Jensen x nanny!reader

Word Count: 4,800ish

Warnings: language, mention of sex, mention of a dead parent/spouse, anxiety

A/N: Please enjoy and let me know what you think!

________

“I’m stuffed,” said Jensen that night, the kids running around playing soccer in the yard after dinner. 

“I need that chicken recipe,” said Jared.

“I’ll write it down for you guys,” you said, sitting back in your chair. “You can do it with breast too if you like that better.”

“I want exactly this like, everyday from now on,” said Jared. Gen rolled her eyes and Jensen pulled out his phone. “Want me to take a pic?”

“I don’t need your freakishly long arms just yet,” chuckled Jensen. He turned around and took one of the four of you at the table before handing off his phone. “Mind getting one of us?”

“Your mom harassing you for engagement photos already?” asked Gen.

“By the time we were leaving they were both asking for photos and being obnoxious. Better than they were though,” said Jensen, smiling beside you. Jared took a few more and handed the phone back. 

“I still can’t believe your parents would act like that,” said Gen. “I mean obviously I’m super happy it got fixed but that’s so unlike them.”

“They made a mistake is all,” you said with a smile. “I don’t know about you guys but I’m going to finish this beer in the pool.”

“I think I’ll join you,” said Jared. He stood up and had a look on his face you caught too late. Before you knew it he had you picked up and was jogging over to the deep end and jumping in with you.

“Jared!” you said when you popped up. He giggled and swam off to the shallow end. “After I helped pick up the plates ya big lug.”

“We got it,” said Jensen, carrying over two beer cans and handing them to you. “We’ll join you guys in a few.”

About ten minutes later Jensen was leaning against the side of the pool in his bright red swim trunks, handing you the other half of his cookie cake piece.

“So any big plans for the wedding?” asked Jared, sat on the pool steps with Gen.

“I have a thought,” you said, turning to Jensen. “I haven’t discussed it with Jensen yet.”

“Vegas. Shotgun wedding,” he laughed. You shook your head and he grinned. “You’re thinking the farm, aren’t you.”

“What do you think? It could be outdoor or indoor, whatever it needs to be depending on the weather.”

“I’d love that,” he said, giving you a squeeze. “That’d be perfect for us.”

“You own a farm?” asked Jared. 

“Yeah, ten minutes from the brewery.”

“Dudes. You can open bar with your own beer. Oh and dibs on being a groomsmen.”

“Like that wasn’t gonna happen,” said Jensen.

“I don’t know on that,” you said. Jared’s face fell and you shook your head. “Sorry. I didn’t mean that you wouldn’t be one. Of course you would. I just don’t have a lot of close girlfriends. I think it’d be weird if Jensen had a ton and…”

“I don’t think it’s weird,” said Gen. “We didn’t have an even number at our wedding.”

“We got time to figure that stuff out,” said Jensen, holding your waist. You finished the last bite of cookie and hummed. 

“So you two having a kid?” asked Jared. Gen whacked his chest and he shrugged.

“Jesus, Jare. Don’t ask that.”

“They’re our best friends and godparents to our children...although I guess Y/N didn’t know that she inherited that until now but come on, I know you’re wondering too.”

“Shut up,” said Gen, crossing her arms. “Obviously if they decide, they’ll tell us when it happens.”

“Yeah, I think there’ll be at least one,” you laughed. Gen lit up and turned to Jared.

“Last time they said they were having a baby guess what we did? I can’t handle no more babies,” said Jared.

“Can you even get that thing up anymore?” teased Jensen, sipping on his beer.

“You’re one to talk, old man.”

“That shit still works just fine.”

“Just fine?” shot back Jared.

“Oh my God. You’re both good at sex. Y/N be grateful you’ve missed this same conversation over and over for the past sixteen odd years,” said Gen. 

“I’m still taller,” said Jared with a smirk.

“I can last longer,” said Jensen with one of his own. They narrowed their eyes at one another and Jared stood up.

“Go wrestle on the grass,” groaned Gen. They both huffed and got out of the pool before starting to playfully wrestle. “See, what you may not realize yet is you have another child right there.”

“Yeah but he’s hot,” you said, Gen laughing while you sat beside her. “Do you guys really talk about sex with each other?”

“Yes and no. The boys are you know, boys. They’d combust if they didn’t tease each other. I wouldn’t say there’s like, intimate details or anything ever shared. They’re both pretty private about that sort of thing. Dee and I would talk but more so say we had fun the night before. Shit we probably talked about sex toys more than anything.”

You stopped mid sip of your beer and she laughed.

“When your guy is thousands of miles away for that long out of the year, you gotta get off on your own. You get pretty good at phone sex too. You’re lucky. Jensen won’t be staying away so long ever again he said.”

“No, no. But uh...before Jensen I’d had the same boyfriend forever and he was as vanilla as could be. We didn’t do that stuff really together.”

“I can text you some links to stuff. It’s not like you have to go in some scary store or anything. It’s discrete and I think a small vibe would be great to start with. You can use it during sex or foreplay or whatever. Just you know, have fun.”

“Jensen and I kinda got busted by the cops a week or so back for...activities in the backseat,” you said. She started to laugh and you groaned. “Thankfully it was his friend that caught us so he let us off the hook but...it was kinda fun.”

“Good,” she said, sighing as Jensen pinned Jared down. “Hey so yeah about that wedding thing. Jared had two more groomsmen than I had girls. It doesn’t have to be matchy, matchy, you know?”

“I know. I don’t know if…” you trailed off. “I lost my friend group when I broke it off with my last boyfriend. We’d been together for over ten years and I kept turning down his proposals and they didn’t like that. I have some nanny friends but not a lot and no one I’m really close to. I don’t know if I’d even get more than five people to come for me. Everyone else is his family and friends and I didn’t think about that until just now. I mean what would they think, seeing that? I don’t know if I even want anyone there now.”

“I think what they’d see is someone they care about marrying someone he loves. Just because we’re Jensen’s friends doesn’t mean we’re not your friends too. I know we’re still getting to know each other but we’ll be as close as those two eventually. Ruthie was texting me and we’re having a girls night the next convention in Dallas. You literally have a built in crew ready to go from the show, the girls and the guys. You are so coming with me to the next night I have with my local girlfriends and you got our family. You even got Dee’s parents. You have more than you know, sweetie.”

“I never had a best friend growing up except for my mom. Until Jensen,” you said. “I’ve never really been good at the friend thing.”

“Were you bullied in school?” she asked quietly.

“Don’t tell anyone besides Jared but my dad wasn’t a good person. He hurt me and so I was afraid of getting in trouble so I didn’t talk to other kids all that much until I got old enough to understand what he was doing was wrong and that’s how I ended up being adopted.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Can’t do anything about it now. But I can have it not control my life too. I’ve been pretty good since I was nine in that department. My mom dying sucked and things have been up and down but I like where I am now. This is easily the happiest I’ve ever been in my life.”

“Jens’s not perfect.”

“I know. But he’s good enough. He gave me a certain confidence to live my life, like really live it.”

“He’s alright,” she smiled. “You know I have an idea about this bridesmaids thing you might like.”

“You?”

“Oh I would for sure but I meant more so I know two little girls that wouldn’t mind. Maybe there’s a boy too,” she said.

“I’m gonna need you to be my wedding planner at this rate,” you said.

“Job accepted,” she said. “I say we go farmhouse modern style.”

“Gen. I got engaged like two weeks ago. We have time,” you said. “We don’t even have a date.”

“At the very least can we go dress shopping?” she asked.

“I’m going to regret this,” you sighed as Jensen stepped back in the water.

“Get yourself a stronger man, Padalecki. That one is weak,” he said. Jared followed him right after and went to tackle him when Gen caught his arm.

“Boys, not in the water,” she said.

“Chicken?” asked Jensen.

“Losers pick up the tab for when we go out this weekend for dinner. Deal?” asked Jared.

“Well in that case, you’re on.”

Two Weeks Later

“Jensen,” you said, carding your fingers through his hair while he absentmindedly burnt some eggs. “You okay babe?”

“Yeah. We ought to pack up the kids, get on the road soon if we’re gonna hit the beach.”

“I’m gonna drive, okay?” you asked. He nodded and you got out the eggs again, making up a new batch. “Do you want to talk to Ray?”

“Why?” he asked quietly, leaning back against the counter.

“Anniversaries of traumatic events can be triggering,” you said. “My mom died two days ago. Well, you know what I mean.”

“Why didn’t you say anything?” he asked.

“Because it doesn’t trigger me anymore. But it did and this is the first time...the first one is the roughest.”

“Yeah,” he said. “I ought to talk to him.”

“Eat your breakfast. I’ll give him a call and get the kids ready while you guys talk, okay?” you said.

“Thank you,” he said. You kissed his cheek and hugged him before you went upstairs for your phone. It rang a few times but Ray finally answered, noise in the background.

“Y/N. Everything alright?” he asked.

“Hey. Yeah. We’re...we’re pretty good. Today’s the first anniversary of Jensen’s-”

“Ah. I understand.”

“Listen, I know it’s a Sunday and you don’t work the weekends but would you mind talking to him for a few minutes? We’re going down to Galveston for the week in a bit but he’s off this morning.”

“I’d talk to him even if he wasn’t your fiance but especially because of that. You know we’re actually down here ourselves for a few days. Just got down yesterday. If you guys are around...maybe we could get together for that swim.”

“I’d like that. You okay?” you asked.

“I always get a little down on the day but Sarah understands. You understand.”

“Yeah. I’m gonna put Jensen on and um, maybe we can meet at Arillo’s for dinner?”

“We got a reservation there ourselves tonight. How many in your crew? Five? I’ll call and ask for an update.”

“Yeah there’s five of us. Um, Ray?”

“Yeah?”

“I’m sorry for being so horrible as a teenager after mom. You loved her as much as I did.”

“Thank you but you don’t have to apologize for that. You got too much pain in your life. I’m glad you found the good stuff too.”

“Are Geroge and Taylor there?” you asked.

“Yeah kids are here. Taylor’s got some internship but she does it online half the day and George is some research assistant thing for one of his professors but same kinda deal. We leave them to work in the morning while Sarah and I have some fun. Want me to let them know you’re coming?”

“Probably a good idea. Not sure how they’ll react,” you said, Jensen poking his head into the bedroom. “Here’s Jensen.”

“Okay, sweetie. We’ll see you guys soon.”

You handed the phone to Jensen and finished up packing while he sat on the bed. You tried to leave him be but couldn’t help listening in.

“Yeah I’m anxious...I don’t want her to drive down today...you know why...I guess...probably...I don’t want to be freaking out for three hours in the car...because it’s today...I know...I know...so I have to suck it up...I don’t want to have a panic attack in the car with the kids...no I haven’t...I’m scared I will though...yeah...I understand...dude that sounds so stupid...that’s not medically anything...no I don’t have my doctorate...I don’t wanna ask her...I said I don’t want to, not that I wouldn’t...I know...I will...maybe I’ll try that too...yeah, Y/N said the first year is the roughest too...I’ll let her be in charge until we get down to the beach today. I think I’ll feel better after the car...yeah I kinda figured out what she was doing planning a trip on today of all days...I need it...really? Yeah, I’m looking forward to meeting up down there too...thanks Ray.”

You finished with your suitcase and had his open for him when he walked into the closet. He swallowed and handed your phone back.

“All good?” you asked.

“Ray thought it might be a good idea if I had something of yours with me on the way down, to keep on me since I’m...anxious this morning about being in a car.”

“Something of mine…” you said, looking at your side of the closet. “Why don’t you pack up and I’ll get you something before the road, okay?”

He nodded and twenty minutes and about three bathroom trips later the SUV was packed up. You hopped behind the wheel, Jensen tapping the arm rest from the passenger seat. 

“Here,” you said, reaching into your pocket, pulling out a bracelet. It was fabric, the kind made from craft string, white, rusty orange and a light tan color mixed together. 

“I’ve never seen this,” he said as he held it between his fingers.

“I got it on vacation with mom and Ray. Last one we went on,” you said, tying it around his wrist. “You have it.”

He stared at you as you turned the engine on, watching you backout. 

“This is too important for me to take,” he said quietly.

“It’s fabric. I want you to have it, okay?” you said, pulling onto the street and closing the gate. He nodded and you turned the radio on low. “Coffee run?”

“Yeah. Coffee sounds good right about now.”

You were only about fifteen or so minutes away from the beach house you’d rented. The kids were either taking naps in the backseats or watching a movie on the ipad. You risked a glance at Jensen, his fingers absently toying with the bracelet while he looked out the window, the radio on low. 

“How you doing big guy?” you asked as you pulled off to the exit ramp. 

“Pretty good now,” he said softly. 

“Mind navigating for me?” you asked. He hummed and picked up your phone from where it sat in the console the past few hours. About twenty minutes or so you were stretching outside of the car, Jensen opening the front door of the house with the code you’d been given. The kids climbed out and were good about each taking their own backpacks while you and Jensen gathered up the rest. 

“Come here,” he said, leaving the bags by his feet and kissing you against the side of the car. You grinned and he picked you up in a big squeezing hug. “I love you.”

“I know,” you said. He set you down and kissed you again. “You seem like yourself again.”

“I needed that push, get over that fear. But now, I can enjoy my day with my girl and my kiddos and apparently we are having dinner with Ray and his family tonight?” he asked.

“If that’s alright,” you said.

“One hundred percent,” he said, Arrow jumping up and down nearby. “Honey, go use the bathroom in the house if you have to go.”

“No I’m excited!” she said. “Can we go play on the beach? Pretty please?”

“Hm, give daddy fifteen minutes and then we can go?” he asked. She turned to you and grinned.

“We’ll go really soon sweetie. I promise.”

“Hey guys,” said Jensen an hour later, the five of you down on the beach and mostly watching them build a sandcastle together. “Y/N and I want to tell you something.”

“Is it that you guys are getting married?” asked JJ, patting some sand with her shovel. You glanced at Jensen and he shrugged. “You were talking to Aunt Gen and Uncle Jared about it last night, right?”

“Well, yes we were,” said Jensen. “I suppose we were a little louder than we thought. But yes, Y/N and I have decided to get married. We’re not sure when exactly but in the next year I can say.”

“So we have a mom again?” asked Arrow, fixing her corner of the castle that kept caving in.

“Well you guys are kinda lucky. You’ll get two moms,” he said. “How’s that sound?”

“We missed mom’s day,” she said with a sigh. “Right?”

“We’ll catch it next year, promise,” said Jensen. “Do you guys have any questions or anything you want to say?”

“Do we call you mom now?” asked JJ. 

“You guys call me whatever you want,” you said.

“Can we call you mom?” she asked. You nodded and she went back to playing in the sand. 

“Anything else guys?” asked Jensen.

“Can I get a giraffe?” asked Zeppelin while he figured out how much water to add to the sand to get it to stick together.

“No sweetie. They wouldn’t fit at our house,” said Jensen. 

“Darn it,” he said.

“I can tell you’re all so invested in this topic,” chuckled Jensen.

“Oh! Can my flower girl dress be purple?” asked JJ. 

“Your dress can be whatever color you want it to be,” you said.

“Awesome,” she said. “Or black and purple. With lightning stripes.”

“Ah, I knew the classic rock would finally pay off,” said Jensen.

“Maybe Daddy’s suit can be black and white stripes, like a tiger,” you said.

“Like a White Snake music video more like it,” he laughed. “We’ll figure all that stuff out. We wanted to make sure you guys knew was all and if you have any questions or were nervous or anything you know you can ask either one of us.”

“Mom makes you happy again. Of course you gotta marry her!” said Arrow. “Oh and get her a pony. Girls like that.”

“Would you care for a pony, sweetheart?” asked Jensen as he shook his head. 

“Are we talking mustang kind of pony?” you asked.

“That’s my girl,” he said, wrapping an arm over your shoulders, kissing your cheek. “Let dad get a picture of you guys. We’re on vacation after all.”

Five Hours Later

“Jensen,” you said, changing into a light summer top and a pair of denim shorts after your shower. He was standing by his suitcase undressed, trailing his finger over his scar. “Honey?”

“A year ago was the worst day of my life and today was a really great one. I get to meet Ray more and even Sarah and the kids who all sound great and...I’m really happy I’m still here to see all this.”

“Me too,” you said, wrapping your arms around him. “Wear your red underwear.”

“Is that a request?”

“I like how you look when you take it off,” you said, gently smacking his ass as you went to go fix your hair.

“I am so grateful I found you,” he said to himself. You smiled and brushed your teeth quickly before checking yourself over and taking a selfie. You sat up on the counter and opened instagram, still silently grateful you’d always had it on private. There was nothing bad on it but Jensen and Jared had tagged you before and all of the comments always seemed to be negative.

“How do I look?” asked Jensen, walking in wearing a short sleeve navy button down and his red underwear.

“So sexy,” you giggled, Jensen digging through his other bag and finding his khaki shorts. 

“Can I get away with sneakers and a backwards baseball cap at this restaurant?” he asked.

“Totally. We always eat outside. It’s near the pier,” you said, putting up your post.

“Taking more pictures I can show off of you again?” he asked, grabbing your brush and getting some control of his damp hair back.

“Nobody even sees my instagram hardly,” you said.

“You know the internet knows we’re dating, right.”

“I’m pretty sure your fans still aren’t okay with that fact, even if they know.”

“Oh you’re mistaking the nutjobs for actual fans. The real ones, those guys are cool and nice. I actually got a lot of care packages and things from them last year. Still do. They really are good people. Those other ones that leave nasty comments? Fuck them. That shit don’t bother me anymore.”

“What are you saying?”

“I’m saying family and friends know. Can I show off the woman I love to the world?” You wrapped your legs around his waist and pulled him in front of you, his head cocking. 

“Yeah,” you said. “Better late than never.”

“Okay,” he said. “For now though, I’m looking forward to this dinner.”

“I hope it goes well. It’s George and Taylor I’m more worried about. They were kids when I decided to stop coming around. I only knew them maybe two years, if even that. I know they were upset.”

“Give them some credit. Ray raised them too after all.”

“I’m all set!” said Zeppelin, walking into the bathroom with his paw patrol shirt and nothing else on.

“At least I was gonna wear underwear,” chuckled Jensen. “Little dude. Get some undies on and shorts in the next two minutes or else…” he trailed off as he came in and hugged Jensen’s leg. 

“I love you, daddy,” he said.

“I love you.”

“Can we get a giraffe now?” he asked. Jensen rolled his eyes and you released him.

“Let’s go finish getting you dressed, buddy.”

“So you guys were Sarah’s fosters?” asked Jensen towards the end of dinner, all three kids passed out asleep in the stroller or on the bench besides you while you picked at your shared dessert. Neither George or Taylor had said much aside from introducing themselves. 

“Guys,” said Ray, nudging Taylor. “I’m sorry for our children’s rudeness. I was afraid of this.”

“Shut up,” they both said, Sarah sighing.

“The kids were both big fans of Supernatural. They grew up watching it with me. It was something we bonded over at first in fact,” she said. 

“Oh,” said Jensen, a smirk forming on his face. “Sam or Dean girls? George come on buddy, it’s okay.”

“This isn’t happening,” said Taylor, her eyes squeezed shut.

“So you guys don’t want to hear about the movie, gotcha,” he said, both of them snapping their heads up.

“He really is a dork,” you said. 

“Movie?” asked George.

“Someday. You can count on it,” said Jensen. “Maybe I’ll go easy on you guys and ask what mom was?”

“You boys are a little young for my tastes but honestly the guy who played John was very attractive,” she said.

“Even I’d hit that,” said Ray, Sarah laughing to herself.

“You can see Ray wins his ladies over with his charm,” you said, glancing at Taylor and George. “Like you guys could literally ask anything you ever wanted about the show and get an unfiltered answer if you want.”

“Did you really keep the car?” asked George. Jensen nodded and held up his finger.

“When we’re back in town, you guys come over and you can take a spin in it,” he said.

“Okay, he’s cool with me,” said George. You cocked your head and he smiled. “That was the car from the show I always told you about.”

“Oh. I thought you were talking about batman or something,” you said, pursing your lips. “Sorry I wasn’t…”

“You always sucked at pretending to be happy,” said Taylor. You looked down and nodded. “We get it. You had to do your own thing.”

“Don’t hate me for leaving?”

“Maybe when we were little,” she said. “But we’re older and we get that you probably felt like a fifth wheel.”

“Yeah. A lot really,” you said. “It worked out though.”

“She’s a Dean girl by the way,” said Ray, cracking up as Taylor whacked his arm.

“Dad! Oh my God no I’m not! I like Sam!” she said.

“Want to talk to him?” grinned Jensen. Her face went red and you heard a quiet chuckle at the table. “You’re right, we’ll save that for in person.”

“You basically are marrying Dean Winchester without like, the trauma,” she said. Jensen tensed up but kept a smile on his face. You knew Ray caught it when he gave him a simple nod.

“Trauma’s not inherently bad,” said Ray. “Everyone at this table has gone through some.”

“I know, dad,” she said quietly. She looked at George and he nodded. “Our parents were in a house fire. So were we. I was five and Georgie was four.”

“She carried him out and went next door for help,” you said.

“I was in a car accident last year,” said Jensen. You turned your head. It wasn’t public knowledge that he was in the car. He’d flat out told you that aside from family and a few friends, no one besides you knew. “I almost died. My wife did but for other reasons. You can still have trauma and a really good life.”

“Very good point, Jensen,” said Ray. “You two rugrats wouldn’t be around if mom and I had moped around in our misery forever.”

“Was he always such a sap?” asked George.

“From the day I met him,” you said, Jensen grabbing your hand under the table. “Would you mind watching the kids for a second?”

“Not at all,” he said. You excused yourself and brought Jensen along with you, walking out to the beach area, the breeze cool but light.

“You alright?”

“Yeah. I can talk about it now. I went from having the worst year of my life to one of the best. Nothing bad’s gonna happen for saying what really happened. I want to let all that shit go and have the rest of that really good life I was talking about.”

“For someone who keeps a lot inside I sure have noticed a difference in you the past few weeks.”

“To quote both of the loves of my life, I gotta let that shit out more regularly,” he said. You smiled and wrapped your arms over his shoulders, giving him a kiss. 

“You know that’s what we call growth, babe.”

“I very easily could have gone the opposite way this year.”

“But you didn’t, cause you tried even though it sucks sometimes. I love you but I extra love happy you and you’re definitely a happier guy now than when I met you.”

“So are you, honey,” he said. “Must make a pretty good team or something.”

“Oh yeah, maybe that’s it.”

“We should honestly get like, married or something, you know?” he teased.

“First I have to know though, are you willing to do cookie cake for a wedding cake?”

“I’m willing to make that sacrifice,” he said. “The real questions is, are you willing to deal with the eventual dad bod that will happen as a result?”

“I love this bod, but I don’t love you for this bod,” you said. 

“Thank you for today,” he said softly. 

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” you said. He grinned and kissed your cheek, hugging you tightly. “What are best friends for?”

“Everything?”

“Hell yeah they are Ackles.”

_______

A/N: Read Part 15 here!

[marshmallowprotection]

Howdy doodle doo, I won’t go into the long winded explanation over it, but recently I’ve learned I have a rare genetic condition which basically allows me to eat almost 0 food produced in America. It’s not really a shocker as even if it’s “rare”, my whole moms side of the family has it so it was bound to happen sometime- but how would the Choi Boys™️ react to having an Mc with a lot of dietary concerns/restrictions? I can’t eat Ray’s garlic bread anymore unless it’s safely made 😭😭😭😭 I’m in shambles 🫠😵‍💫🤧

Saeyoung knows what it’s like to struggle with what’s on your plate. He didn’t get a choice as a child, and that is something he still deals with to this day. He bites his tongue with no complaint no matter what’s given to him, even if that’s going to hurt him later on. When you grow up thinking you might not be able to get to eat again for a few days, you get desperate. But, recently, he’s started to learn how to take care of himself and unlearn that skill. He wants to be better in this specific area.

A part of that comes from you being honest with him about your limitations. He wants to work on how he handles what he enjoys and eats, and how you’re able to get something that you need. So, that means 707 is to the rescue. He wants to learn how to cook you something properly! He wants to know what he can do to save you some trouble!

He’s no master in the kitchen, he’s average at best, but there’s not a skill he isn’t ready and willing to learn.

What can he do? How much do you need? He’s willing to beg Vanderwood for help on his and he won’t dare torment that former agent for a year. He knows how frustrating it must be to feel like you have to put in so much work and the rest of the world doesn’t have to do that. So, anything your God Seven can do for you, he’s going to make sure that it happens. He’s not going to let you go without. He’s had to adapt similar changes for Saeran, so, don’t ever think it’s going to be a problem. It’s not.

Never think that you’re too much effort. You’re not. When you have frustrated tears, Saeyoung will hold you close. “Hey, hey, hey, space cat. You don’t need to hide that. I know you’re upset about everything but... it’s okay. You’re strong and capable, and this won’t change a thing about how I feel about you. I’ll work even harder to make sure that you’re happy. That’s my job, remember? As your strong defender of justice.”

GE Saeran understands this struggle more than you might think. He’s got a very limited diet himself due to circumstance.

His malnutrition combined with the rest of his problems stemming from elixir usage have left him unable to eat much of anything without being considerate to the way it’s cooked, the spice level, or the chance that it might upset him later. You don’t want to know his frustrated tears as he realized he was free but he wasn’t truly free from dealing with things from his past. He’s been processing that trauma for a while.

So, you’ve got your work cut out for both of you. You have to label and write out all your restrictions together and work together to find things that work not only for the two of you, but separately. It’s going to be a lot of time spent trying to see what’s safe and what’s not. What might work for you may not work for him, so it will be a team effort that Saeran is ready to challenge with you. You care about his needs and he cares about yours. So, there’s no stress here unless you want to count trial by fire. 

He loves to bake and cook! If you don’t like doing that, count on him to try all the tricks he can find to make this work. Or, maybe you’ll be teaching him something he hasn’t seen before that’s special to you. This is okay. It’s a part of the process you’re making together. This house you’re both in is a home that’s meant to be a safe space where you don’t need to worry about this or that. A place where you can enjoy in things that you may not get elsewhere.

On the hard days, you can collapse into his arms and he understands right off the bat what you’re feeling. “It doesn’t feel fair, right? All these changes that you never asked for coming onto your plate... it’s okay to cry about it. It’s okay to be upset. It’s not the end of your world, though, my love. This world can be whatever we want to make it and I’m determined to make this world happy as can be for you and me.”

[to-hell-and-beyond]

Were Your Love Lies

Robby Keene x Female Reader

Requested: Yes : No

Request: If your requests are open and of course if you want to write this, I would love to read a Robby Keene x reader were reader is friends with Sam and likes Robby(the feelings are reciprocated). But he and Sam are exes and so reader is hesitant to date Robby because of girl code. Sam can be back with Miguel or at least she’s over Robby. If you hate this idea you are more than welcome to ignore! -Anon

Ok, sorry this took sooooo long. I kinda made Sam the enemy because that's the kinda mood I am in today. I hope you enjoy.

Summary: You and Robby have gotten closer ever since his breakup with Sam. You decided that a beach party s the best time to tell your best friend your feelings about her ex. That is until a very big secret unfolds...

Words: 1580

The sounds of skateboards hitting concrete echoed around you and Robby as you walked by. It had become a common accurce for the both of you to be walking around town. The two of you had gotten closer as your best friend Sam had taken some time off. You barely saw her anymore, just at the dojo. You knew she had been hanging out with the Cobra a lot more but you were still ok with it. She was your best friend and she could have more than one friend.

But you did wish you could talk to her because of the girl code. Because you had been spending so much time with Robby, you felt your feelings of him grow more into a romantic feeling. You wanted to tell Sam and ask her for her blessing. But every time you seemed to try to talk to her she would make up some sort of excuse.

“I was thinking that maybe we could talk Mr.LaRusso to going to visit the beach this weekend. What do you think?” Robby asked as your eyes went glossy looking into the sky.

“Y/n?” He asked again as it finally got your attention.

“W-what? S-sorry, what are you saying?” You chucked as you turned to face him. He had his sweet smile on his face and his hair sparkled and shined from the rays of sun hitting him. You wished you could take a photo of him right now and keep it forever. He looked so beautiful in that moment.

“It’s ok Y/n. How do you feel about going to the beach this weekend. Maybe afterwards we could host a party?”

“I’d like that.”

-------

So there you were. Standing in the middle of the beach with the flames of the campfire behind glistening in the night sky. The practice at the beach had been a huge success as both you and Robby learned so much. You had finally mastered that kick that you’ve been wanting to land for a while now. Robby was so happy for you that you felt kinda embarrassed. Of course you did not show it but your heart swelled up in pride by his compliments.

Sam couldn't come. Something about “already promised my friend I’d help them study'', whatever that meant. You were getting kinda worried about Sam. She never answered your calls or read your texts anymore. Heck, she even started leaving you on open on snap! So you hoped that when you sent her the invite for the party that she would come. She was your best friend after all.

You looked around to see that some of the Cobras were already there. They didn't seem to be there to pick a fight with anybody so you were happy about that. The last thing you needed was another beach fight.

“Have you seen Sam anywhere?” You asked some of the Cobras as they all turned to look at you. You guys were not enemies but not the best of friends. You tolaterted each other.

“Probably with Miguel.” The one with the Mohawk “Hawk” joked as the rest of the Cobras laughed. You were confused and wondered what that meant.

“Seems like they never leave each other's side.” Another Cobra “Mitch” said which made them all laugh again.

“I’m sorry but, why would she be with Miguel?” You asked confused as they all stopped laughing to look at you. Did you really not know?

“Y/n…” Aisha said as she came up to stand beside you. Even though she had left, she still came sometimes to party and talk with her Cobra friends and old teammates.

“Ever since Tory left...Miguel and Sam had been...close. Take a look for yourself.” You looked to where Aisha was pointing to see your best friend and her ex making out.

So this is why your best friend keeps ditching you and Robby. She was sucking the face off of her ex. Who she claimed she was over with. Didn’t really look like she was over him. You hadn't even made a move on Robby because of the girl code but she was here. Was it really that hard for her to tell you that she was dating Miguel again? But maybe this was all some sort of misunderstanding. You decided to take matters into your own hands and go to talk to her.

“Glad you could make it Sam! You too Miguel.” You called out as you walked towards the couple. Sam had a look of shock as she immediately stopped kissing Miguel to look at you.

“H-hey Y/n” Sam muttered as she looked at you. You were confused on why she looked so worried. Did she think that you didn't support her relationship?

“Can I talk to you for a second?” You wanted the details. When did this happen, were, why and so much more. You also wanted to ask her for her blessing to start dating Robby.

“S-shure.” She kissed Miguel's cheek as you waved to him. He waved back as Sam led you to a clearing just a few meters away from the ever growing beach party. You sat on one of the tree stumps there as she sat on another one just a few feet away from you.

“I want to know it all. Why have you been ignoring me? Why didn't you tell me you were dating Miguel again? Why were you so scared when I came up to you? And how did that whole relationship come back to the world of the living?” You asked as she began to fiddle with her thumbs.

“You gotta start realizing what I was feeling at the time Y/n. Ever since Robby dumped me I was heartbroken. Miguel was there and he was also there, threw the whole thing. Every tear and every heart breaking moment. He apologized for everything that happened and we got close.” Sam tried to explain.

“Ok Sam. First off, Robby never dumped you. I was there when that happened, you told him that you needed space. Second, why couldn't you tell me? I’m ok with you being with Miguel. I just wish you would have told me.” Sam looked down.

Flashback:

You heard shouting coming from outside the dojo as you left the punching bag to go check it out. The voice of your best friend Sam’s voice grew louder and louder as Robby’s grew quieter and quieter. It was like he almost didn't want to fight.

“You know what!” Sam yelled as she pointed her finger at Robby. You saw the look of despair on his face and you swore you heard your heart crack.

“We’re going on a break!” She yelled again as she shoved past Robby and walked right out of the dojo.

“You ok?” You asked Robby. He opened his mouth to respond to you but he broke down in sobs. You held him tight as you let him let all of it out. That was the start of your friendship.

“I ran out and you didn’t go after me!” Sam said as she clenched her sleeve.

“If this is what this is about Sam, I’m sorry. I never meant for you to feel like I was putting you in second place. Robby was there and he was hurt! I had to help him! That’s kinda the reason I also wanted to talk to you…” Sam looked at you curiously as you took a deep breath and looked up to look at her.

“Well, I’ve gotten closer to Robby when you were kinda with Miguel. We got really, really close. Sam...I like Robby and I want your permission to...make a move on him.” You said as Sam looked at you with disbelief.

“Y/n. Don’t you think that’s kinda weird. Like me and Robby were just dating.”

“But aren’t you with Miguel now? Aren’t you over Robby?”

“That’s not what this is about Y/n! First, you interrupt me and Miguel to tell me that you like my ex? What happened to the girl code!”

“That’s why i'm trying to ask you-”

“You have no idea what it’s like to date him! It's always reassuring him that you love him and that you would never leave him. It’s exhausting! Sorry that I’m trying to be a good friend and try to stop you from making the same huge mistake that I made!” Sam yelled as you knew she looked embarrassed as you noticed some of the Cobras looking your way.

“ You know what Sam. This is exactly why your relationship didn't work. You blame everything on everyone and if something isn't what you exactly like you drop it. That’s what happened to me and Robby. It's not either of our faults it's yours. So you know what. I’m going to ask Robby to date me whether you like it or not.” You said as you stood up and grabbed your bag and left to somewhere quiet. You didn’t need to deal with a bunch of teenagers right now.

“Hey, have you guys seen Y/n? She said she was going to ask you guys where Sam was.” Robby said as he walked up to the Cobras. He knew how dangerous that was since the whole Cobra Kai vs Miyagi-do thing.

“Your girlfriend is fighting your ex bro.” Hawk said as he pointed to where you were storming off leaving Sam all alone.

“Well-*bleep*”

[fandom-imagines-stories]

Worth the World

Spike x Reader

Words: 2459

Summary: On a particularly bad day, the reader can barely bring herself to get out of bed. Spike does his best to comfort his girlfriend without being overbearing. 

Notes: This is inspired by one of my favorite fics ever by @suckmysupernatural. I got this idea when having a depressive episode myself, so I hope you guys enjoy a little comfort fic with one of my favorite vamps. Plus, I’ve never written for Spike before and since I’m getting back into Buffy, I thought this would be the perfect time. (Also, this is entirely based on my own experience, so it might not be everyone’s experience with this kind of thing {but please be nice, I just used a few of the things I felt so it’s all based on my own emotions and insecurities!}) Enjoy!

Warnings: Depression, self-loathing, anxiety (This imagine was really just a way for me to put down my emotions and write something comforting, but I hope you all like it too)

-

You didn’t want to move. You weren’t really sure if you could. Your limbs just felt… heavy. Forcing your legs to move, you slowly swung them over the side of the bed, using all the strength you could muster to sit up straight. 

It wasn’t that something terrible had happened. In fact, the day before had gone pretty well. You’d spent most of it watching movies with Willow and Buffy and, when the sunset, you went on a long evening walk with your boyfriend. There were no deadly forces plotting world domination, no vengeful vamps after you or your friends. Hell, your favorite restaurant was open and you brought home leftovers for breakfast. 

Now, the idea of eating made your stomach turn. You managed to shuffle your way to the kitchen of your apartment, but just stood in front of the counter, leaning on the marble top for support. Just standing there felt like it took every ounce of energy you had. It was almost painful, tears pricking the corners of your eyes. You did your best to keep them from falling. You had places to be today, meeting up with the gang and  you didn’t want to worry them with your moping. 

With slow steps, you made your way back to your room to get dressed. Of course, most of your clothes were dirty and you didn’t care enough to wash them. So you threw a sweatshirt over your pajama top and put on some shoes, hoping no one would ask about it. You caught your reflection and felt that dark, empty feeling in your chest grow. Pathetic. Your shoulders sagged forward and you blinked away more tears as you watched them well in your eyes. You didn’t have the right to feel like this. How much had Buffy been through and she still greeted every day with a smile. Everything was perfect and yet you were pathetic enough to still want to crawl back into bed. You just hoped that you would feel better by the time you saw everyone. Especially Spike. 

-

You sat with your legs pulled up to your chest. Xander and Willow were debating whether or not using wooden bullets would be a good vamp killer. Buffy was listening in amusement and Giles just looked exasperated, distracting himself by putting books back in their proper place on the shelves. No one said anything about your pajamas. You actually felt kind of invisible, like no one even really knew you were there. It made the empty feeling that much worse. 

“What do you think, Y/N?” 

“Xander, don’t you think that’s a little insensitive?”

“What? It’s not like we’re planning on dusting her boyfriend. Even if he is annoying and evil and-”

“Xander.” Willow said sternly. When you looked up, everyone’s eyes were on you. 

“I’m sorry, I wasn’t really paying attention.” Your voice held little to no emotion. You were almost too exhausted to feel anything. You just felt hollow. 

“If I shot Spike with a wooden bullet do you think he would, you know,” Xander made a motion with his hands that was meant to simulate a vampire dying. “Just theoretically, of course.” 

Everyone was expecting a witty remark. You and Xander were close and teased each other often, especially about your relationship with Spike. Instead, you just shrugged, your eyes fixating on a spot on the table. 

“Maybe.” 

The group collectively exchanged a look of concern, but didn’t press anything. After all, what reason could there be for you to be upset? They knew that if something had happened with Spike, you would tell them and there weren’t any recent deaths to worry about, so they continued on with their playful conversations about breaking curses and some movie that they had watched recently. It felt like you were intruding- like an unwanted bystander that everyone wished would just disappear. While no one had said anything like that, the thoughts filled your head nonetheless. 

This wasn’t the first time something like this had happened, but you’d never told them. An episode like this hadn’t happened in months so you had hoped they had stopped. Some days you were as happy as you ever had been, but others you felt like a burden. Worthless and pathetic- pitying yourself for no reason at all. 

Spike didn’t even know, even after almost a year of dating. You never dreamed of telling him. Spike was always saying that you were the strong one. You were the one that helped him through every day of his endless living. He got his soul for you. What would he say if he saw you like this? If he knew the doubts and loathing going through your head. He would know that you’re weak and vulnerable and you didn’t want that to happen. 

So you didn’t tell them. You kept all of your thoughts inside of you as they ate away at your mind. On the outside, you just looked tired. Everyone knew that you stayed awake into the late hours because of Spike, so you hoped that’s what they would think. You were tired, but it wasn’t from lack of sleep. It was like your body just wanted to give up. Maybe if you could just wake yourself up, everything would go back to normal. 

Buffy and Willow went out for coffee, so you went with them, hoping the caffeine would be enough to shake you out of this. Instead, it just made you more jumpy and anxious. The cup shook in your hand, but you kept drinking, still hoping that it would give you enough energy to fake it. This, like your out-of-it demeanor, did not go unnoticed. 

“Hey, are you feeling okay?” Buffy asked, suddenly stopping her conversation with Willow about shoes. At first, you didn’t realize she was talking to you. You were so focused on the thoughts swarming around in your head, you hadn’t noticed they were both looking at you with concern. 

“Yeah, why wouldn’t I be?” 

“Because you’ve been spacing out all morning. What’s going on?” 

“I guess I’m just tired.” You shrugged, grimacing from the effort the small movement took. 

“Are you sure? Did Spike do something stupid, because you know I’ll-”

“Really, Buffy, I’m okay. I think I just need to go home and rest for a while.” You finished the rest of the coffee, feeling your heart beat faster as the anxiety built up in your chest. “I’ll see you guys later, okay?” 

“Okay.” Buffy gave you a skeptical glance and Willow smiled sincerely.

“Feel better, Y/N.” 

“I’ll see you guys later.” You faked the best smile you could before turning away from them. 

“Is she going to be okay?” Willow wondered, watching the way you nervously messed with the hem of your shirt as you walked. Buffy narrowed her eyes and grabbed her bag. 

“I don’t know, but if she won’t talk to us about it, there’s one person she will.” 

“Oh do we have to go there? You know that place gives me the creeps.” Willow whined. Buffy just gave her a look and the two trekked off in search of your sun-hating boyfriend. 

-

You stood in the middle of your living room as the tears slowly started to pour down your cheeks. The coffee must have given you enough energy to cry and now you couldn’t stop. You couldn’t speak, you couldn’t move, you just stood, frozen by the overwhelming emptiness inside you. Pathetic. Useless. Worthless. Everything was swirling around your head, breaking you down further until you had to lean against the window sill to stay standing. 

You could faintly hear something outside your door, but you made no motion to open it. It sounded far away, or maybe you were just blocking it out. All you could hear was your heart pounding, along with the hundreds of doubts rattling in your head. It was until the door burst open that you flinched. 

“First, the slayer comes banging on my crypt, telling me that something’s wrong and then you leave me to break down your door- if I could die, you would have scared me to death. Why didn’t you open the door?” Spike huffed in frustration. You didn’t turn around. Frankly, you hardly noticed he was there. His irritation quickly faded, replaced by worry. “Y/N, love, what is it?” 

You still didn’t respond, keeping your back turned with your hands clinging to the window sill to keep from falling. Spike approached you slowly and you thought you heard his footsteps, but part of you thought you were just imagining him. Why would he come for you? It was the middle of the day and the sun was high in the sky. A rush of guilt washed over you. He came here despite the danger of being burned and you didn’t even have a reason. You’d put him at risk for your own pitiful problems. 

“Darling, why won’t you look at me?” He took another step towards you, but stopped. The sun’s rays created a shield around you, preventing him from pulling you into his arms. “If you could just lower the blinds, that would make this far less awkward.” 

“You d-didn’t need to come here. T-the sun.” You stammered. You wanted to reach for the curtains, but you still couldn’t move your arms without your legs giving out. 

“A little sunlight isn’t going to stop from me from getting to you,” he said sincerely. Out of the corner of your eye, you saw him rush to the window, the sound of his skin sizzling in the light made you let go of the ledge. Your legs buckled just as he got the curtains closed. 

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” You had hurt him. All you had to do was reach up and shut out the sunlight and you couldn’t even do that. He burned himself just to reach you. 

“It’s alright. I’ve got you. It’s alright.” He held you up for a moment before sinking to the floor to hold you in his lap. “I’ve got you love, I’ve got you.” 

“Y-you shouldn’t be here, Spike. I’m not-” You hid your face from his view so he would see the tears. “I’m not worth all of this. There’s something wrong with me. One minute I’m fine and the next I’m like this and I don’t even know why. I don’t have a reason to feel like this. It’s like I’m… broken or something.” 

“You aren’t broken.” Spike said softly, tucking your head under his chin and gently rocking you back and forth. “You’re human.” 

He held you like that for a long while, not saying anything or even moving off of the floor. He didn’t make you look at him until he was sure you had relaxed enough. Putting a finger under your chin, he gently lifted your face to meet his. 

“I’m sorry about all this.” You sniffed, using your sleeve to wipe some of the dampness off your cheeks. 

“I don’t want to hear those worse from you for the rest of the day.” Spike gave you a small smile and pressed a kiss to your forehead. “I would trek across deserts wrapped in a blanket if it meant being here with you. Every second is worth it.” Now, he lowered his lips down to yours for a slow, sweet kiss. When he pulled back, his eyes were shining with the soul of a man in love. “To me, love, you’re worth the world.” 

You stared into his eyes and knew that he meant every single word. While it didn’t chase away your doubts or the empty feeling in your chest, it helped you see that this feeling would end. And for now, that was enough. 

“I love you.” You whispered, pulling him closer. He kissed the top of your head. 

“I love you too, darling.” He hooked his arm under your knees and stood, holding you against his chest. “Now, why don’t I get you something to eat and we can spend the day in bed?” He wiggled his eyebrows. “I’ll behave, I promise.”

“Spike.” You laughed lightly. 

“There,” He beamed, “I knew I could get a smile.” 

He carried you into your room and placed you on your usual side of the bed, laying your fluffiest blanket over top of you. Then he vanished into your kitchen, the sound of your cupboards opening and shutting reminding you that he had no idea where anything was. It almost made you smile. He came back in with a bowl of your favorite cereal, a class of milk, and a thin leather bound journal. 

“What’s that?” You wondered as he climbed into the bed beside you. He handed you the cereal and milk and put his arm around you, pulling you close. 

“Eat your cereal.” He ordered teasingly, opening up to the first page. You tried to look over his shoulder, but he pulled the book away, laughing. “Do you want me to read or not?” 

“What is it?” Your curiosity made your tone amused and playful. You were starting to sound like you again. 

“Well, ever since I got this pesky soul back, I’ve had an unbearable amount of feelings running about in my head, so I figured I could at least put them to good use.” 

“Spike, are they…?” You perked up with excitement. He smiled sheepishly. 

“Poems.” He looked down at seemingly endless pages of his writings and back at you. “They’re mostly about you, of course. I thought, maybe, you’d like to hear them. See if they’d make you feel a little better.” You were almost too awestruck to nod. 

“I’d really like that.” 

With your cereal in hand, you curled up beside him, laying your head back against his shoulder. He read softly and slowly, his gentleness with his words almost lulling you to sleep. The poems were beautiful, forcing you to stay awake if only to hear one more word. Spike felt you relaxed against him as he read and paused his reading to kiss your forehead, then your cheek, and lastly your lips. 

You felt the emptiness for a few more days, but each day, he was by your side, making sure you ate and gave yourself time to breathe. By the time you started to feel normal again, he’d read most of his poems and continued to write more and you were able to go for your evening walks without feeling exhausted. Your friends were more than supportive and helped you through it all while still giving you the space you needed. 

It wasn’t the last time an episode like this happened, but now you always knew that, no matter what, you’d never be alone.

-

General Tag: @rae-gar-targaryen; @takemepedropascal; @childhood-imagination;  @mylovegoesto; @yellowbadgergirl; @itmejado; @suckmyapplejacks; @kendahl0216

[atlas-of-a-human-soul]

Your riven imagine was amazing! Could write about the reactions of the winx and people in school, with a light fairy from earth being with him, please? Anyways, hope you're ok :)

Come back to me (part 1)

Pairing: Riven x reader

=================================

Ever since Rosalind officially took over Alfea, Y/N had felt her hope dwindling. She’s a light fairy, she thrives surrounded by good. The darkness surrounding her is exhausting, bleeding her dry of all positive emotions.

Belief is when there is no reason to hope, when despair sets in, and yet you hold fast to a certainty that it is worth seeking the light, even if you have never seen it.

“I’m not an asshole without a cause. Trust in me.”

Riven is what Y/N believes in. Despite her better judgement, she can’t help it - she does trust in him. Even though he’s gone down a darker path than she could have imagined.

Seeing Riven as Rosalind’s private guard had been tearing her apart, more so when she saw him locking lips with Beatrix.

‘We’re just friends’, she told herself in order to not hate him for his choices. She told herself all of this is for a reason. 

“Ugh, why are you staring at those two freaks”, Stella makes a fake gagging sound, drawing attention of Riven.

He glances at Stella, but his eyes are drawn to Y/N. Swallowing thickly, Riven felt his heart sink at the hurt flickering in her eyes. Exhaling through his nose, he locked eyes with Stella again, unable to bear the heaviness of Y/N’s gaze.

“What are you looking at?” Stella narrows her eyes, making Riven roll his eyes.

“I was about to ask you the same. You do know that beauty isn’t transmittable, right? Staring won’t help fix your face.”

Beatrix snickers at Riven’s snarky remark, enjoying the way Stella’s nostrils flare in rage she’s trying to contain. Y/N shakes her head, disappointed by his behavior.

Is there really any of the old Riven left inside that empty shell of his? He barely looks like the Riven she knew let alone anything else. 

“Really, Y/N? This is who you swore is the kindest guy you’ve ever known?” Bloom buts in, glaring at Riven.

“I can introduce you to someone so much better”, Aisha adds only making Y/N’s heart ache. 

She doesn’t want anyone else. She wants Riven. She wants the guy who’d hold her hand and tell her everything would be alright. She wants the guy who’d written her love notes and called her Sunshine. She wants the guy who made her smile with a single look, but that’s no longer possible. She sees that now.

Blinking fast, her teeth sink into the soft flesh of her bottom lip before she turns around, rushing off to find a moment alone. She needs a place where she can heave, let out the panic of her realization pass through before she loses control and blinds half the school. 

She can feel her heartbeat in her throat as tears rush to her eyes. She was his Sunshine, a ray of light capable of shining through the darkness. She doesn’t feel very light and bright anymore. She feels empty and she feels angry and hopeless and bitter about losing him.

After the storms the sunshine returns, and crying is much the same, so she lets it out, she lets it go. She must.

“Sunshine?” A breathless voice freezes her in place with her hand on her chest.

Looking over her shoulder, she finds the perpetrator of her deepest pain.

“There was hope before. Just a tiny flicker.” Wiping her tears with the back of her hand, she sniffles. “Who are you now?” 

“I’m still me. I’m still your Riv.” He steps closer but Y/N recoils.

“You’re not the Riv I know. And you’re certainly not mine.” She can still see his hands all over Beatrix and the flashback makes her sick to her stomach. 

“I’ve always been yours, Sunshine.” Riven’s voice breaks and Y/N holds her breath with the sound cracking her sanity.

“How is it you see the suffering and choose to make it all the worse?” Sitting down, she covers her quivering lips.

“I’m not trying to make it worse, I swear”, Riven falls to his knees before her, reluctant to touch her. If he saw her recoil from his touch once again, it would kill him. They were never more than friends, but they were more together than couples who actually dated.

“Trust me”, Riven pleads, his fingers shaking as they make contact with her knees. He lets out a relieved sigh once she allows his hands to rest there.

“Trust goes both ways, Riv”, Y/N looks down to his hands, aching to take them in hers yet she can’t. She’s been itching to hold his hands for a long time now, but that would only give way for more heartbreak.

“I’m the inside man”, Riv admits and Y/N’s eyes widen. “I’m trying to find a way to take them down and get Silva out of prison. Sky knows this. Only Sky.” Shaking his head, Riv sighs, “And now you. No one else can be included, Sunshine.”

“Why didn’t you tell me from the start?” She leans in, her breath tickling his lips as their foreheads meet and they close their eyes. The intensity of the moment set them aflame for they’ve never allowed each other the luxury of such intimate touches. Not in a sexual manner, although Riven wanted her in every way, but in a way where the sound of her voice was enough to make his heart flutter. And he never had his heart flutter.

“I told you to trust me.” Riv defends, making her smile.

“You’re an asshole”, she whispers. She can’t help but wonder if he’ll kiss her, finally. The anticipation is mirrored in her shaky lips and she knows she’s so unprepared, but she longs for him. 

“I’m your asshole”, Riven’s nose brushes hers and her heart skips at the notion.

Riven’s hand found the back of her neck, quickly pulling her closer until their lips touched and the words ceased. The kiss barely lasted, managing to take their breaths away in an instant. Y/N surrendered to his touch, losing her senses as his lips brought her heartbeat to the speed of light. Her lips tingled, electricity sparking up throughout her body and her hands clutched to his shirt with all their might as if he could slip through her fingers like sand. He’d been wondering how her rosy lips would taste, never quite sure if it would make any impact on him but from the way his hands tremble with her face in them tucked away safely, he knew he has been bested.

“I wish I didn’t have to leave”, he whispers against her lips before pecking them again, drunk on adrenaline her lips caused.

“Don’t leave then”, she cups his face, holding him close. The simple thought of letting him go pains her. “When you’re gone, I’m stuck in darkness.”

Drawing a deep breath, Riven inches away. Using his hands, he brings her hands down from his face, clinging to the softness of her palms for a moment longer. “Even when I’m with you, I’m darkness that’s consuming you. Sunshine, no matter what happens, I’ll always be bad for you.”

Scoffing, she narrows her eyes ever so slightly, “That should be my choice and I choose you.”

“If you cling to me, I’ll snuff out your light. It’s who I am. I’m the darkness to your light, the night to your day. These kinds of loves don’t have happy endings.” Pressing a kiss to her palm, Riven leaves Y/N in deep thought.

Is it true? Is he her darkness? How much light had he taken already? Because even with that in mind, she wished to be consumed by him entirely. 

People say the darkness presses in, but that’s not true. The darkness kisses up to your skin closer than a lover’s lips and whispers excitement into your ears. The darkness becomes your best friend, a second skin that’s flattering and cool. The darkness becomes your favorite thing right up until your exits are blocked, then it has no reason to hide.

If it was easy to spot darkness there wouldn’t be a problem, now would it?

How often do you confuse day and night?

“Riven is my darkness”, she realizes and yet she doesn’t care. She’s light enough for both of them. If he is her darkness, she is his light and while the sun and the moon failed to make it work, Y/N decided to prove everyone wrong, Riven included.

PART 3 

[mypoisonedvine]

A Year Gone By | dark!Bucky Barnes x reader

happy birthday @nsfwsebbie​!!

it was supposed to be a surprise but then I couldn’t stop myself from telling you I was writing something, I managed to keep most of it under wraps though!  I hope the suspense pays off.  

idk if it’s weird that i made it a doctor reader when you’re not a doctor but listen...half the fun of reader insert is getting to vicariously live through a cool career right??  the other half of the fun is the obvious thing.  and it seemed a little creepy if i made the reader exactly like you but if you want it to be more accurate i will totally write you something with actual you in it lol

ANYWAYS I hope you enjoy it and most of all I hope you have a lovely, relaxing, fun birthday.  and i hope it makes you h word lmao.  ily darling <3

warnings: noncon, dubcon, stalking/kidnapping, ddlg, loss of virginity, bondage, oral sex (m and f receiving), anal sex, d/s, pet play, degradation, painful sex/pain kink, cockwarming, breeding, somnophilia (slightly), spitting, pregnancy mention, breeding kink, mention of drugging... I think that’s everything.

word count: just over 15.5k (YIIIIKES my bad)

Bucky always looked forward to appointments with you.  It wasn’t just because he had a crush on you, honest; you really were the best doctor he ever had.  Then again, between chain-smoking Brooklyn doctors who handed out morphine like candy and cruel Nazi or Soviet scientists, you weren’t competing with anybody too incredible.

“It’s not so bad,” he bluffed, but he couldn’t hide the wince when you touched his bruise.

“You’re not a very good liar, Sergeant,” you told him with a smile.  God, he loved when you called him that.  He hoped his body wouldn’t react to it in any uncomfortably obvious ways.  “Honestly, I’m a little worried about the bones.  I want to do an X-ray, if you don’t mind.”

“Go ahead,” he shrugged, “but you’re probably worrying too much.”

“You plan to walk off a compound fracture?” you scoffed.

“Bet I could, if you kiss it to make it better,” he smiled.  He was expecting you to giggle a little at the casual flirtation, which you did, but he was surprised when you bit your lip at the end of it.  That made it impossible to stop his cock from getting a bit interested, but thankfully it was still easy enough to hide.  Clearly his casual flirting was starting to get to you, and it made him especially impatient but he tried to stay calm.

“I’m a good doctor, but I’m not that good.  A prescription will do more for you,” you replied as you wrote something in his chart-- presumably that he needed to go down the hall for some x-ray work.

“If you say so.”

“Anything else bothering you?” you asked him.

“Oh, no, I won’t waste your time,” he dismissed.

“I’m getting paid, don’t worry,” you laughed.  “I don’t have any more appointments until after lunch.  Is there anything else going on?”

He shifted a little, the paper on the examination table crinkling as he did it.  “Um… it’s nothing, I just--” he glanced up at you but then looked away again, still embarrassed to admit it-- “I’ve had a little trouble sleeping…”

“Nightmares?” you pressed.  “Or general insomnia?”

“Um, nightmares,” he finally admitted, “not as bad as normal.  The meds helped.  Just… I still get them sometimes.”

“How many nights a week would you guess?” you asked.  But you didn’t look to his chart like it was a quiz or something, you kept looking at him with patience and compassion.  That was what really made his heart melt.

“Probably 2 or 3.”

“So we’re down from 6 to 7,” you remembered from what he’d said before you’d given him the medication he was on now, “that’s good.  That’s progress.  But, maybe we need to up your dosage if you haven’t seen better results after 4 weeks.  You haven’t missed any doses, have you?”

He tried to fight his embarrassed smirk but it was too late.

“Bucky!” you scolded playfully.  “I can’t up your dosage until you’re actually being consistent on the amount you already have, okay?  I know it can be easy to forget but you have to stay on it.  Set a timer on your phone or something if you need to.”

He nodded, but the problem wasn’t forgetting to take them as much as it was being ashamed that he needed them at all.  But he’d stay on them if it made you happy.

“Anything else?  Headache, twisted ankle, burns when you pee?”

He laughed and shook his head.  “No, I think that’s everything.”

“Great, then I’ll let you get to your newly-booked X-ray appointment.”  You handed him a sheet of paper for him to take to the X-ray office which informed the nurses there what angles you wanted on his ribs.  “Just know that you can call me if you need anything, alright?”

He took the slip of paper but suddenly couldn’t respond, too lost in looking at you and wondering if you’d felt that same jolt of electricity when his hand brushed yours.

“What are you looking at me like that for?” you asked, breaking the silence.

“You take care of so many people,” Bucky pondered aloud, “I just wonder if someone takes care of you.”

He could tell by your face that you didn’t like the way his tone shifted, but he refused to backpedal.  Just this once, he wanted to see you squirm a little bit.  

“Wanna lollipop?” you asked him nervously as you handed him the plastic-wrapped red sucker in offering, but he waved it away.  

He spent the rest of the afternoon thinking about how you would look with the cherry lollipop in your mouth: the way it would push your cheek out from the inside, stain your lips and tongue bright red, make your mouth taste like pure sugar.  

Of all the things he’d imagined before, that was the one that made him realize it couldn’t just be a fantasy anymore.  Thankfully, he hadn’t just been thinking of all the filthy things he wanted to do to you; he’d also been coming up with a plan.

~

The first thing you perceived when you woke up was the smell.  It didn’t smell like your room.  Such a simple difference, one you hadn’t even realized you would notice, but one that stood out instantly.

You opened your eyes and instantly spun your head around when you saw the grey cement room you were in.  The bed underneath you creaked, unlike your bed, and you looked down at it as if you somehow expected to be in an unknown room but still be in your own bed.  

It was then that you realized you were restrained with, of all things, satiny pink rope which pulled each of your limbs to the nearest bedpost.  There was enough slack that you could wiggle around some, but it wasn’t exactly roomy either.  Your heart raced as you pondered who could have possibly done this, and why.

You startled when you heard the door open, but relaxed when the menacing form suddenly struck you as familiar.

“Bucky,” you sighed with relief, “oh thank god you’re here-- quick, help untie me.”

As soon as you said it, though, you realized something wasn’t right.  He didn’t look concerned at all, or confused.  And that should be a good thing because it meant he had answers, except that you were suddenly realizing this was more complex than you were prepared for.

“Bucky… where are we?” you asked him, quieter, as you realized that he was not going to untie you immediately.  Even still you were coming to terms with the possibility that it wasn’t really a matter of where we were and where, specifically, you were.

“Somewhere safe,” he answered simply, stepping closer.

You didn’t exactly believe that.  

“Please, help untie me,” you requested again.

“I will,” he assured, “but I want to explain something first.”

Your heart sank straight through your stomach.  You didn’t understand what was going on quite yet, but you were getting the gist enough to know that this was really fucking bad.

“Bucky,” you pleaded as he sat down beside you on the bed, “please let me go.”  You felt very aware of how thin your pajama set was, how if he tried hard enough he could see your nipples hardening underneath your top for no apparent reason.

“Don’t get upset,” he soothed, “everything’s fine.  I’m not going to hurt you-- nobody will anymore.  You’re gonna stay here, with me, and I’m gonna take care of you.”

Your eyes burned with tears you couldn’t fight anymore.  “Don’t do this,” you begged, “I’m your friend-- we’re friends, remember?”

“Of course I know that,” he sighed, “but that’s not enough.  Couldn’t you tell I’d fallen in love with you?”

You shook your head, trying to process everything you were hearing.  “This is insane.  This is not what you do when you have feelings for somebody, Bucky.”

“What, you’re saying I should’ve just asked you out?”

“Well, I wouldn’t have been able to say yes-- because you’re my patient--”

“See?  That’s what the ropes are for!” he smiled, like he was actually proud of his problem-solving skills.  “You would’ve said yes if you could, I know.  But you couldn’t.  And now you don’t have to.”

You resented that he was right, that you would’ve dated him in a heartbeat if it wasn’t an ethical violation.  You got the sense there were going to be even more severe ethical violations in your future, though.

You continued to beg him to stop, but it fell on deaf ears as he reached under the elastic waistband of your pajama shorts and pulled them down slowly.  He gasped when he saw your pussy and you wished you could just disappear, turn invisible or, best of all, teleport out of here; anything to avoid this humiliation.

“Baby, you’re wet,” he observed.  You weren’t sure if the first or second half of the sentence made you more uncomfortable, but either way, you couldn’t stop the shivers from dancing up your spine.  “This all for me?  Do you like being tied up?”

You refused to answer, looking to the side as if the concrete wall was suddenly fascinating to you, but he grabbed your jaw and turned you to look at him.

“I know you don’t know all the rules yet, but here’s the first one, and maybe the most important: answer me when I speak to you.”

It was cold but not quite threatening; still scared you senseless, though.  You nodded.

“Do you like being tied up?” he repeated.

“N-no,” you answered.

“Answer honestly,” he specified.

You had, but you realized it was going to be safer to do what he wanted, so you cleared your throat and spoke again.

“Yes,” you whispered, “I like… being tied up.”

“That’s it?” he pressed.  “It’s not me being here, is it?  You never got wet when you saw me in appointments?”

This was going to be a lot harder than you anticipated.  It seemed like there was no right answer.

“Didja ever get wet for somebody else?  It was Steve, wasn’t it?”

“No!” you instinctively answered.  “Um, I like Steve.  But just as a friend.”

“Aw,” he smiled, “I knew you were the loyal type.  Remember just a minute ago when you were begging me to stop cause you were my friend?  I think you were lying then too, doll.  You didn’t want to be just friends with me.”

“Whatever you’re going to do, just do it,” you grimaced.  “I’m getting irritated.”

You yelped when he slapped the inside of your thigh, trying to pull away but only making it easier for him to dip under your leg so that he was between them, sitting back on the bed in front of you.

“Respect gets you a long way with me,” he promised, pulling a knife from a strap on his thigh and using it to quickly cut off the shorts.  “Sass does not.”

You winced as he slipped a finger into you-- metal, and it was cold, too.  Soothed the burn a bit, at least.

“Oh god,” he sighed, “just one finger and it barely fits…”  You watched realization pass over his face as his gaze moved to your eyes.  “Baby, are you a virgin?”

You closed your eyes because you knew they would reveal the truth.  In all honesty it was probably better that he knew so there was at least some chance of him going easy on you, and yet you were still embarrassed for him to find out.

“Oh, you’re going to spoil me,” he grinned.  “You really are too good to be true.”

A second finger pushed into you and a bite to the lip suppressed your moan.  

“I’ll warm you up first, don’t worry,” he cooed.  “I don’t wanna hurt you.”

“Then why did you tie me up?”

“That’s for your safety, baby.  I don’t wanna have to hurt you,” he clarified.

A third finger, immediately after you had adjusted to the second.  You had never had so much inside you before and it made you feel a bit dizzy.  His thumb grazed over your clit and you nearly jumped right off the bed as your hips bucked suddenly-- since when were you so sensitive?!

“Oh, poor little baby, you need it so bad,” he faux-pouted.  You couldn’t tell if it was a mockery or genuine concern.  “You’ll get it angel, don’t worry.  Daddy’s gonna take care of you.”

That word made you feel a little sick.  No wonder he needed to kidnap girls to get his rocks off, clearly this was the kind of stuff a normal date wouldn’t agree to.

Then again, it was Bucky Barnes.  He could probably get any girl he wanted, even if he had some weird tastes.  You still didn’t understand why it had to be you, specifically.  

His thumb stayed on your clit, the pressure moving from teasing to firm to nearly too much.  You tried to angle your hips away but the ropes stopped you (of course), and you were forced to take every sensation he gave you.

“You’re trying so hard to stay quiet, just let go,” he encouraged.  “I wanna hear how good I make you feel.”

“Maybe I’m just naturally quiet,” you bluffed, but even just those few words were strained, and surrounded by panting as you failed to catch your breath.

“Oh, we both know that’s not true.  I’ve heard you when you thought you were alone, doll.”

You knew what he must have meant, but it still made you whimper when he leaned in to whisper in your ear: “I heard you touching yourself.”

Your face was burning and you were sure you’d never blushed so hard in your life.  You couldn’t be sure how much he’d heard, but just the way he smiled down at you made you sure he must have heard the times that his name passed your lips as you reached your peak.  

Of course he couldn’t just let you stew in that, he had to mock you even further.

“Oh Bucky,” he recalled, raising the pitch of his voice a little, “please let me come, I’m so close, please…”

“Stop,” you begged, tears sliding down your temples.  The fingers twisted inside you as both of you groaned.

“Yeah, it’s not a very good impression,” he sighed, “it’ll sound better when you do it.  Don’t you wanna moan for me again?”

“You stalked me,” you realized aloud, “you spied on me at night, you kidnapped me--”

“And now we’re both getting what we want.  I know you wished it was my fingers instead of yours.  Doesn’t it feel good baby?  Admit it.  Tell me it feels good.”

You were determined to resist until he pulled his fingers out and used the metal hand to slap your pussy, both of you gasping at the wet noise it made.  He did it again and your hips bucked wildly even as you were trying with everything in you not to react.  One more and you finally moaned, the pain brief but strong while the pleasure never seemed to lessen.

“Just be honest,” he demanded, “I know you love it.  I just need you to say it.”

One more spank and you were finally willing to cut your losses.  “It feels good!” you exclaimed.  You cried out when he hit you again, not having seen it coming at all since you’d done as he asked.  “Say it again.”

“It feels good, Bucky, your fingers feel good,” you whimpered.

He finally seemed to calm down, giving you an oddly friendly smile.  “Was that so hard?”

You shook your head, just trying to appreciate the stillness while you could.  

“One little thing though: you don’t call me Bucky anymore.  My friends call me Bucky; you’re so much more special than that.  You’re my perfect little angel, and you call me Daddy.”

You saw it coming, but it didn’t make it any less awful.  You squirmed a bit as he pushed up your top, biting his lip when he got a glimpse of your breasts.

“Oh, when did these get hard, huh?” he smiled as he tweaked your nipples between his fingers.

“It’s… cold in here,” you explained uncomfortably.

“Uh huh,” he pretended to believe you.  “Don’t worry, we’ll find a way to warm you up.”

He let go of your tits so he could pull back and start undoing his belt; you swallowed dryly, not wanting to watch but unable to look away.

Of course he was big.  It explained his personality, and you’d had your suspicions (and/or fantasies), but now all it did was scare you.

“Will it hurt?” you asked weakly.  He smiled as he pulled off his shirt from behind his neck, tossing it aside.  

“No baby, I stretched you with my fingers so you can take me.  Might be a little bit of an adjustment at first, but we’ll go slow, okay?”

You couldn’t decide if it was sweet or patronizing.  A little of both, perhaps.

He leaned over you, resting one hand beside your head as the other guided his cock to rub through your folds.  You struggled again, barely able to process that this was actually going to happen, that you were going to lose your virginity tied up in some creepy sex dungeon to an obsessive patient who demanded you call him ‘Daddy.’  This wasn’t exactly the situation you had been saving it for.

“Ready for me, baby?  Want me to make you mine?” he asked with a look of excitement, even vulnerability.  Your body craved more after he’d left you dangling on the edge from his fingering, but your brain was thankfully still functioning properly.

“Please don’t,” you whimpered, “you can stop now, and I won’t tell anyone, and--”

“Baby, don’t talk like that,” he frowned.  “This is it, okay?  Us.  Just us.  Nobody else to get in the way.  You’re not gonna tell anyone ‘cause there’s no one to tell.”

“You can’t,” you denied, “I have a life-- people who care about me, who are going to notice that I’m gone--”

“No, babygirl, stop-- you’re not listening to me,” he growled.  “Stop fighting.  You’re mine.  You’re finally where you belong.”

“This is crazy,” you spat, “you’re crazy!”

“Baby…” he looked dejected, crestfallen.  “You’re the only one who’s ever helped me feel normal again.  If I’m crazy it’s only because I love you so much; I need you, doll.”

“You need intensive psychiatric care!”

Sadness shifted to anger as he sat back and stuffed his cock back into his trousers, even though it barely fit now that it was fully hard and leaking from the tip.

“I realize now I’ve given you more than you can handle.  I knew you liked me back so I figured you would understand a little sooner but… I should’ve known you need more time before you really admit to yourself that you need someone to take care of you.”

Your relief shifted to fear when he stood back up off the bed and stepped away.

“Wait, don’t leave me here,” you squeaked, “untie me, please.”

Instead he knelt down and pulled a box out from under the bed.  You couldn’t see what was inside when he opened it, but he seemed to find what he was looking for when he pulled out a vibrator and shut the lid.  It was thin and a little curved, so when he roughly shoved it into you it hit right on your g-spot.  You tried to squirm away but he held your hips down and turned it on to a setting that strobed the vibrations, teasing your spot but never giving you enough to get very far.

“I’ll come back when I think you’ve learned your lesson,” he informed you quickly as he started to leave the room.

“Bucky-- Bucky wait!” you called after him.  “There’s no food or water you can’t leave me here wait don’t go BUCKY!”

But he was long gone.  The door slammed behind him and echoed around the room; only when the sound was completely dead were you sure that he wasn’t coming back any time soon.

You had no way of knowing how much time had passed, but it felt like an eternity of you wiggling against the ropes, trying to either knock the vibrator out of you somehow or get it to move enough that you could at least come and feel some relief.  Trying to push it out with your muscles was useless since the curved shape kept it inside of you, and you couldn’t arch your back enough to press it into the bed-- and if you could, you weren’t sure what good that would do.

Every once in a while the vibration would echo through your clit and it made your eyes water.  You sobbed and bit your lip, hoping he would come back soon.

It was at least twice as long before he did, and at that point your voice had gone hoarse from calling out to him.  You cried out for Bucky at least a hundred times and got nothing; but when you called for ‘Daddy’ just once, he suddenly appeared.

Somehow his return didn’t bring much relief, because you weren’t exactly safe with him around… but at least you weren’t alone.

He reached between your legs and turned the vibrator off, though he left it inside of you.  You took a deep breath and appreciated the stillness, though your body panged with hunger from so much pleasure with no release.

“I hated doing that to you,” he breathed deeply as he sat beside you on the bed, “but it had to be done.  You were behaving so poorly.  I’ve gone easy on you up until now but I can’t tolerate any more rebelliousness, alright?”

You nodded slowly, feeling the weight of his disappointment sink over you.  

When he pulled out the vibrator, the tip of it grazed over your abused and sensitive g-spot and you bit back a groan.  He set it aside and admired the mess you’d made; you couldn’t see it, of course, but you could tell that there was a wet patch of arousal beneath you on the sheets.

“Your body is ready for me, but I’m not sure your mind is right yet,” he explained, steely gaze finally meeting yours.  “Are you going to be good, little girl?”

You were too exhausted to notice the nickname, or even to speak your reply.  You just nodded again, watching him as he started unlacing his boots and slipped them off, then took his socks, trousers, and underwear off along with them.

Shit, you’d nearly forgotten how big he was.  You swallowed with a dry throat and closed your eyes, just hoping it would be over with quickly.  

“Open your eyes babygirl, I wanna look at you,” he murmured, running a finger across your cheek.  You reluctantly obeyed and saw him hovering above you.  He pressed a gentle kiss to your lips and it felt so wrong, so empty and peculiar.  It was a weak facsimile of what a kiss was supposed to be like.  He closed his eyes and ran his fingers into your hair, and it had all the trappings of the kind of kiss you’d share as a goodbye after a first or second date, but without any of the stuff that mattered like positive feelings or consent or not being in a creepy cement sex dungeon-- or whatever this was supposed to be.

He pulled away and looked down at you again, anger just starting to brew in his eyes.  “Kiss me back,” he demanded.  This time when he pressed his lips to yours, his tongue slid between them and it made you feel a little sick but you did your best to reciprocate.  You found yourself trying to reach up to put your hands on his hair or neck but of course, the ropes made it impossible.

You felt his cock pressing between your thighs, rubbing up and down slowly, and your heart began to race.  One hand slid between your bodies to guide his cock towards your entrance and he said something but you couldn’t hear it because your ears were ringing.  

As soon as he pushed into you, your body jolted, trying to squirm away, but he just kept going, sliding into you in one long stroke.

Physically, it wasn’t painful.  The vibrator had helped relax your walls, even numbed them a little bit.  And yet, even without pain it was so much.  You felt like the wind had been knocked out of you, like you were so full you couldn’t even breathe.  

When he was fully seated inside you, Bucky moaned deeply, kissing your neck and mumbling something about how perfect you were.  But all you could focus on was his cock pulling back only to slam home again.  

“Fuck!” you yelped.  You had no idea anything could be so deep inside you.  

“Watch your language, angel,” he purred, biting at your earlobe.  “You promised to be good, remember?”

The hand that had been gripping your thigh suddenly moved to rub your clit and you choked on a moan.  

“It’s okay, it’s supposed to feel good,” he encouraged.  “It’s okay to come, baby.  I know how bad you wanna come for me.”

You were embarrassingly close as he had observed, a side effect of having been left on the edge for so long.  You could feel your walls rippling around him, and you wondered if he could feel it, too.  Every thrust stroked parts of you that you hadn’t even realized existed, and when he pushed as deep as he could into you, the tip of his cock hit something so sensitive that you genuinely couldn’t tell if it was painful or pleasurable.  

“Are you close?  I don’t know how much longer I can last, you’re so tight,” he groaned.  “Fuck, you want me to fill you up don’t you?  Wanna be full of Daddy’s cum?”

Before you could even consider ignoring his question, he wrapped his left hand around your neck.

“Yes, Daddy,” you croaked through the weight on your windpipe, “fill me up, please.”

Talking like that made your heart twist with shame but somehow pushed you even closer to your peak.  You knew he could tell that you were turned on by it from the way your muscles tightened around him.

“I will baby, I promise,” he smiled.  “Do you wanna beg to come, like you did when you were by yourself?”

You moaned because it was like a fantasy come true, in a monkey’s paw sort of way.  This is what you had wanted, right?  Just… in a way completely different from how it was turning out?

“Daddy, please,” you answered, so quiet and heavy with embarrassment that it was barely above a whisper, “please let me come.”

“Oh fuck,” he responded hoarsely as his thrusts came faster, more ragged.  “Come, princess.  I wantcha to scream for me.”

As you started to fall over the edge, you felt like you had lost control over your body; your arms and legs tugged at the ropes as jolts of pleasure coursed through them, and your mouth was spilling moans and whimpers and even his name.  His real name, specifically, though he thankfully didn’t seem to mind.  He kissed you again as he came, moaning into your lips and still inside you.  

You felt cold and sticky and humiliated as he sat up and pulled out, admiring the way your hole leaked out his seed and flexed involuntarily around nothing.

“Oh look at you,” he praised, “my perfect little girl.  You’re even more amazing than I dreamed, doll.”

You tried not to listen or watch him as he got off the bed, coming back with boxers on and a damp washcloth to clean you.

“I’m gonna untie you now, okay?  Promise you won’t kick me or anything?” 

You quickly nodded, willing to promise anything if it meant getting untied.  “You’ll just do more harm to you than to me if you try anything, angel,” he reminded you quickly as he started work on your right ankle.  The ropes were silky so they hadn’t been rubbing your skin too raw, but there was still soreness from the tight knots.  You were a bit surprised when he gave your ankle and foot a brief massage once he was done untying the rope, and did the same to your other foot, and then your wrists and hands.  It helped a lot with getting the blood flow back to normal, and you almost considered thanking him but that would’ve been ridiculous.  ‘Hey, thanks for the foot massage, next time don’t tie me up and rape me first but, otherwise 10/10.’  

~

Bucky was so impressed with the progress you’d made in a week.  Only two escape attempts and you’d taken your punishment quite well both times.  He had expected a rocky start, he’d understood what he was getting himself into, so none of it really came as a surprise.  You’d managed to get a good crack at his nose once, kicking him straight between the eyes before making a run for it.  Yes, it hurt like a bitch and took a few days to heal, but it had actually been a blessing in disguise; that day you’d made it out the front door and realized that you were in the middle of nowhere.  When he’d caught up to you, you were standing barefoot and half-naked in the snow, not even running anymore because, apparently, you’d realized there was nowhere to run to.  

“I built this place for us, for you,” he explained.  “Somewhere far away, all to ourselves.  Nobody for miles.”

“How many miles?”

He chuckled a bit to himself.  “Baby, it’s a really big number.  You’re too little to understand.”

Normally you resisted that sort of talk but this time it shut you up.  Hopefully you were beginning to properly realize that this was your new life.

“Are we in New York?” you asked, quieter.

“I’m not sure if I should tell you that yet.  I don’t want you to get any complicated ideas in that pretty little head,” he cooed, kissing your forehead for emphasis before leaving you behind to start cooking dinner.

“I’m not eating with these,” you announced firmly as he set your place at the table with a set of pink, rubber-coated utensils.  

“It’s too messy to eat with your hands,” he frowned.

“Do you honestly not realize that I want to eat with normal utensils?  Or are you just trying to drive me insane?”

Bucky set your plate down a little too firmly, making you and the food on top jump.  “Don’t talk back to me.”  

“I just… it’ll take me forever to finish an adult-sized portion of food with child-sized utensils.”

“Then maybe you’re not ready for an adult-sized portion,” he threatened.  That seemed to get your attention, but you stayed quiet.  “Maybe you’re not hungry at all?”

“I’m hungry,” you denied.  “Please, I want to eat.”

“And I want to eat with you.  But this roundabout is getting on my last nerve, doll.  Now are you gonna be good and eat your dinner?”

“...yes, Daddy,” you sighed.  He smiled and sat down across from you.  You were learning.  Slowly, but surely.

Bath time was always a fight, though.  You still had some ridiculous notions about ‘privacy’ and ‘autonomy’ and crap like that, and it meant that you were likely to act up and refuse to be washed.

“I can do it myself!”

“But you don’t have to, don’t you see?”

“I want to.”

“The world doesn’t revolve around what you want, angel.”

“Let me guess: it revolves around what you want?” “No,” Bucky shook his head and tried to summon some more patience, “I have to take care of you.  Sometimes that means doing things you don’t like, because I know what’s best for you.”

“I hate you,” you mumbled as you turned away, and that really broke his heart.  He knew you didn’t really mean it, but it still hurt.

“Baby… don’t say that,” he pleaded as he turned your face to him.  “It hurts Daddy’s feelings when you say things like that.”

“Yes, that was the idea,” you hissed.  “I just want to take a shower, alone.”

“Any chance you had at that is long gone,” he grimaced.  “What you’re getting is a bath, with me, and if you quit this attitude now you might still be able to avoid getting a spanking as well, do you understand?”

Your shoulders slumped as you nodded.  He knew your poor little bottom was still sore from the last spanking, and as he helped you undress for the bath, he could still see a few welts along the skin.  He kissed them quickly, a reminder to both of you what he was capable of, before helping you into the water and slipping in behind you.  It was spacious, so there was ample room for the two of you, but he still held you close and pressed your back into his chest.  

He had a lot of ideas about what you two could do in this bath, but he knew that now was not the time.  Still, he let his mind wander and smiled to himself when you gasped from his erection pressing into your thigh.

He helped you wash your hair, and for that moment where your head was nearly submerged and he was using his fingers to massage out the shampoo, you looked so peaceful.  He normally only got to appreciate this look on your face as you slept, but you were almost smiling this time, and it made his heart sing.  A week of tantrums was worth it for just a few quiet moments like this.

“I’m gonna let you finish up on your own, okay?  I trust you not to do anything dangerous…” he decided as he stepped out.  

“Really?” your face instantly lit up.  Sure, you’re never supposed to leave them alone in the bath, but he was feeling extra generous and he sympathized with your desire for control.  Freedom could be good for you, in moderation.

“Of course.”

“T-thank you, Daddy,” you awkwardly responded.

He dried off and dressed, and waited nearby in the living room, listening to you drain the bathwater and start a shower.    

You emerged wrapped in a towel and looking slightly lost.

"Honey, where are your clothes?" he asked you with a furrowed brow.

“I don’t have anything to wear,” you informed him.  Oh, right.  You were being resistant to wearing the clothes he had picked out for you.  Apparently you found the overwhelming presence of baby pink to be tacky, and you hated that everything was cute and tiny… he couldn't understand seeing something cute and tiny and not liking it.  After all, you were the most adorable thing he'd laid eyes on and it made it impossible not to like you.  You just needed clothes to match.

“I have clothes laid out for you,” he explained.

“I’d rather be naked than wear what you pick for me,” you snarled.

“Hey, I wouldn’t complain,” he shrugged, trying to suppress his frustration.  “Don’t come bitchin’ to me when you’re cold, though.”

You sat next to him on the couch, defiantly naked and confidently ignoring him.  He admired your stubbornness, or at least he found it amusing.

“Do you wanna watch a movie now?” he asked, but he knew you had figured out that this was a mandatory activity.

“Don’t see any reason to wait,” you smiled sarcastically.

Of course, when he got up to show you some DVDs so you could pick what you wanted (Wall-E; he knew you didn’t actually want to watch that since your typical fare was horror and action movies, but it was your favorite of the options), he quickly turned down the thermostat.  Perhaps a comfortable 55 Fahrenheit would help you remember why it’s important to take what Daddy gives you.

He hadn’t seen Wall-E before but he found it oddly relatable.  A robot, built for someone else’s purpose, abandoned in a filthy, empty world… it brought back some old feelings that he managed to press back down.  

Regardless, he was distracted from it when he could literally feel you shivering from across the couch.

“Are you cold, darling?” he asked presumptuously.

“No,” you denied, barely managing to suppress the chattering of your teeth.

“Do you want the clothes?” 

“Shut up.”

He just laughed a little to himself, ignoring your rude language and turning back to the TV.

It did kill him a bit to have to pretend he didn’t care when you were obviously uncomfortable, but you would’ve been even more irritated with him if he’d held you down and forced you to put the outfit on.

~

This fucker was smart, you’d give him that.  Or maybe it was just that you were stupid.  Not stupid, really, but having no sense of self-preservation.  Why had you chosen this hill to die on?  You couldn’t even remember why you’d put up a fight at all.  You were so cold that you couldn’t even understand what could’ve ever compelled you to reject an offer of clothes.  Didn’t help that you knew he was so close, that if you cuddled up to him you would be warm, but that it would mean the loss of your last shred of dignity.

Only a week and you were starting to completely lose your sense of yourself.  You searched within and couldn’t find any of the fight you’d had so many times before.  You remembered that time you kicked him right in the face, and where you once found pride at the memory, you found guilt.  You felt guilty for hurting him, after everything he’d done to you-- why?

“B-bucky…” you finally relented not even an hour into the movie, stammering from the force of your shivers.

“Hm?”

“I want… I want the c-clothes.”

He smiled a little, in an insulting way.  “Ask nicely, doll.”

“P-please, Daddy,” you whimpered.

He came back with the clothes in hand, but when you reached out for them, he shook his head and motioned for you to stand up.  You sighed but obeyed, your entire body shaking with violent shivers as your bare feet hit the cool concrete floor.  

He knelt down, holding the lace panties open for you as you shyly stepped into them.  He pulled them up to your hips and let the elastic slap your skin a little as he let go, making you jump.  He did the same with the fuzzy pink pyjama pants, running his hands over soft fabric for just a second as he stood up, helping you into the loose grey sweatshirt.  It was the least feminine thing he’d ever let you wear, noticeably absent in anything pink or fuzzy or girly or adorned with bows.  You only realized as it slipped over your head that it was his, because once you plunged into darkness inside of it, you were overwhelmed with the smell of him.  You wouldn’t have known that you could recognize his smell, but now that you were in it, it was undeniable.

You were almost surprised to see him when your head popped through the neckline, somehow.  It’s not as if you had forgotten he was there in the three seconds you couldn’t see him, just that he looked so different to you now.  He had this stoic, nearly stern look on his face as he helped you get your hands through the sleeves, and the way he caressed your fingers as they emerged from the cotton was so upsettingly tender.

“Daddy…” you mumbled, and he looked back at your face.  

“Is this better?  Are you warmer?”

“My feet…” you realized, looking down at them.  

“I’ll get you some socks, baby,” he nodded, dashing away for a moment.  You felt colder with him gone.  It couldn’t be loneliness, could it?  Even knowing he’d only be gone less than a minute, you were unduly anxious for his return.

He came back and held your feet up by the ankle one at a time as he rolled pink fuzzy socks-- with lace at the ankle, of course-- over your feet.  You wiggled your toes into them, finally feeling like you’d be able to get warm again.

“Let’s finish the movie, okay?” he suggested, rubbing his hands on your arms.  You nodded, allowing him to guide you back to the couch and finding yourself cuddling into his side as he laid an arm over your shoulders.

You barely managed to pay attention as you felt his hand slip lower, resting on your waist.  Then your hip, then your thigh.

Something about the way the lace panties rubbed against your pussy made you feel so oddly sensitive, and even the inside of his sweatshirt was just rough enough to make your nipples react every time you adjusted your position.

You figured he realized your condition pretty quickly, but he didn’t react until a moan, so quiet that you were sure he wouldn’t hear it, passed your lips.

“Everything alright, doll?” he asked, failing to hide the fact that he clearly knew the answer.

You didn’t respond, distracted by his other hand reaching over and stroking your thigh.  You were caged in his embrace now, and your heart raced in a way that was oddly lacking in fear.

“Tell me what you’re feeling,” he demanded, watching your nervous reaction to his intensity.

“Daddy I… I feel tingly,” you murmured, feeling yourself blush.

“Where, baby?”

“D-down there,” you admitted as you forced your eyes shut, too embarrassed to look him in the face as you said it.

“You need Daddy’s help?”

“Please,” you whispered, hating yourself a little for needing him but too desperate to really care.

In one motion he’d already turned the TV off, pulled you onto his lap, and started kissing where the baggy neckline of the sweatshirt exposed your collarbone.

You were rubbing yourself on his thigh and you didn’t even know how to stop.  It felt so good.  It made your skin warm up even faster as you recovered from the cold.  

He slipped his right hand into your pants as the other pulled you closer until your face was buried in his neck.  If there was anything worth appreciating about Bucky, it was how good he was with his fingers.  He knew your body better than you did at this point-- but then again, he had spent so much time exploring it in one week that he was probably competing with you already in terms of practice time.  

“Oh my god,” you moaned as his fingers moved faster and firmer, making your hips jerk forward unexpectedly.  

“It feels good?” he asked in that way that made it obvious he knew the answer.

“Yes, Daddy, it feels so good,” you whimpered.  You’d gotten pretty good by now at appeasing him by performing the role he wanted you to play… so good, in fact, that it was starting to feel very real.

Just as you were grabbing onto his shoulders to hold you steady through your orgasm, he was pulling out his hand and reaching for his own pants instead.

“Need to be inside you,” he explained quickly as he pushed them down and revealed his hard, leaking cock.  “I need to be inside you when I make you come.”

He helped you slide off your pants and underwear but pulled you back into his lap the absolute second they were discarded.  He slid you down onto his cock with a groan, and your face was so hot as you processed how wet you were, how easily he entered you.  Your joy halted, though, when he held your hips down.  You tried to wiggle around for some friction but he was so strong that it was a complete waste.

“Daddy,” you mumbled with confusion, “what are you doing?”

“You’re mine, baby, ‘m gonna use you how I please,” he reminded you darkly, “and right now I want you to stay still and wait.”

“But--” 

He slapped your ass harshly, and you whimpered but decided not to put up much more of a fight.

All the while as you tried to stay still, he was kissing your neck and jaw and cheeks, murmuring praises and leaving the softest bite marks every once in a while.

“Please let me move,” you sobbed against his shoulder, having to fight everything in you not to start grinding on him like your life depended on it.

“I’m not ready yet,” he denied.

“I’ll be good, I promise,” you whimpered.  “I’ll do anything.  I just need to come, and I need to make you come, please…”

With a hand on either side of your hips, he started to move you on top of him, excruciatingly slow.  Your head fell back from how wonderful just that felt.  

“Anything?  You’re gonna spoil me talking like that, doll.”

“Oh god, anything, just move a little faster, please,” you begged.  Of course you knew it was a bad idea, and you figured you were going to regret saying it, but your need was surpassing your sanity at the moment.

He grabbed your face and pulled you down until your lips were almost brushing his, but not quite.  “Keep riding my cock, babygirl.”  You nodded, finally free to pick up the pace to where you wanted it, and you bit your lip as his cock stretched you exactly how you needed it to.

“Daddy, you feel so good inside me,” you moaned.

“I can tell,” he smiled, “you’re making those perfect noises, it’s killing me not to flip you over and fuck you so hard right now.”

You were much more inspired by that mental image than you expected to be.  Those few times he’d gotten really rough with you, it had made you so wet you thought you might get dehydrated.

When he spoke again, his voice was so low that it sounded like a growl, echoing in his chest and making shivers run up your spine.  “I know what I want you to do for me.”

You swallowed and braced yourself as he pulled you even closer, looking right into your eyes.

“Tell me you love me,” he demanded.

You gasped, tears starting to burn at the back of your eyes.  It was the last thing you expected, but it also tracked.  Of course that was what he wanted.  But now that you were trying to form words and nothing would come out, you were kind of wishing he’d just said he wanted anal.

“D-daddy,” you stammered, distracted by him grabbing your hips and moving you even faster on top of him.  He was practically throwing you up and down on top of him, and somehow doing it effortlessly.

“Just say it,” he whispered.

“I love you,” you whispered back.  He smiled and pulled you into a deep kiss, swallowing every moan as you felt yourself barrelling towards your peak.

“Please, I’m about to come-- can I come, Daddy?”

“Almost,” he nodded, “say it again, babygirl.”

“I love you,” you panted, “Daddy, I love you, please--”

“One more time,” he grunted, watching your face. 

“I love you!” you yelped, unable to hold back your orgasm any longer and feeling your walls flutter as sensation washed over you.  Thankfully he wasn’t far behind, only thrusting up into you a few more times before he spilled himself with a groan.

He kissed you long and slow, staying inside you even as his cock began to soften a little.  When he pulled away, he looked up at you with an expression that brimmed with restrained excitement.

“Oh, doll, you have no idea how good it is to finally hear you say that,” he beamed.  “We’re gonna be so happy here together… just me and my best girl, right?”

“Right,” you smiled, but as soon as you blinked a tear was rolling down your cheek.  He wiped it away with his thumb.

“Don’t cry,” he soothed, “everything’s finally the way it’s supposed to be.  You’re finally where you belong, with me.”

You nodded weakly and felt whatever grip you had on your sanity loosening.  Dreams of escape faded as he carried you to bed, holding you in his arms all night long.  You were beginning to embrace the simplicity of just letting life happen to you.  For every time you felt belittled and patronized by his coddling, there was another time that you secretly felt protected and loved.  The truth was, even though you had experienced so much that you couldn’t begin to describe in the past week, you had been relieved of so much of the stress you dealt with before.  As you drifted to sleep, you only hoped that you could manage to hide that truth from yourself just a little bit longer.

~

He was honestly proud of himself for managing to keep his hands off you while you slept all this time.  But it wasn’t too much longer before you woke him up with your stirring.  At first he was just going to give you a quick hug and then get back to sleep, but then as he pulled you closer, he realized you were dreaming.  And when you moaned quietly in your sleep, he realized it wasn’t just any dream.

He smiled to himself as he kissed your neck gently, wondering if you would wake up or not.  It was sort of a win-win either way for him.  He let his hands slide down your body, listening to your breathing as it began to pick up.  Your mouth fell open and it made your sounds even more apparent as he carefully opened your legs.

“Oh baby, you’re drenched,” he murmured to no one in particular, admiring the way your pussy glistened in the low light of the room.  This was one of those times that he really appreciated his choice to make you sleep naked almost every night.

One metal finger sliding through your folds made you shiver.  He wondered if it was from arousal or if the metal felt cold on your warm skin.  Your clit was swollen, and apparently extra sensitive from the way your sleeping body erupted in goosebumps when he drew lazy circles around it.

Suddenly lacking in the patience more foreplay would require, he found himself shoving down his boxers and stroking his cock, preparing to push into you.  If that didn’t wake you up, he’d be slightly concerned… but he wasn’t sure if he’d be concerned enough to stop fucking you.  Thankfully he didn’t have to face that dilemma because the second he was pressing his head into your opening, your eyes flew open.

“Daddy!” you yelped, your voice sounding a little strange as you were torn from your sleep.

He bottomed out and groaned softly, relishing how tightly you wrapped around him.  “You looked so beautiful, baby, I couldn’t help myself.”

You mewled but said nothing, only wrapping your hands around his biceps as he pulled back to thrust into you again.  

“What were you dreaming about?” he asked firmly.

“N-nobody-- I mean, uh, nothing,” you stumbled over your words.

“Oh, you can’t lie to me very well can you?  It’s okay doll, you can tell me, but if it’s someone other than me I’m probably gonna kill him.”

He felt you tense up a little and he knew he’d scared you.  He sort of wanted to do it again, because he loved the way your cunt tightened in that moment, but he decided against it.

“Aw, I’m just joking,” he dismissed, though he wasn’t quite sure if he actually was or not.  “Go ahead, tell me what you were dreaming.”

“Y-you were there,” you explained, “but it wasn’t just you.”

“Is that so?”

“Um, yeah,” you deflected nervously.

“Go ahead, spit it out,” he hissed as he started to thrust into you a bit harder.  

“Well, uh, Steve was there too,” you finally admitted.  A lot of emotions hit him at once when he heard you say that.  Of course jealousy was prominent, but it was different than it would’ve been before... you were home now, and nobody could take you away.  Both of you knew that.  So it might have been a slight blow to the ego, but he didn’t see Steve as a threat.  What he did see was an opportunity to make you squirm, which he was always looking for.

“Was he watching us?” Bucky pressed.

“Uh, sort of…” you trailed off.

He leaned down, putting his lips right against your ear.  “Was he fucking you?”

You whimpered but he could tell you were turned on.  He reached down and roughly rubbed at your clit.  “Be honest, darling.”

“He wasn’t,” you explained, “you were; you said he wasn’t allowed to… but I gave him a-- a blowjob.”

As much as Bucky wasn’t exactly the sharing type, he was intrigued by the mental image of you stuffed with cock at both ends like that.  Even more so he was intrigued by the fact that it apparently turned you on.

“Is that what you want, huh?  One cock isn’t good enough for you?  Who knew you were such a fucking slut.”

“‘M not!” you denied.

“Then why are you soaked from dreaming about choking on somebody else’s cock while I fuck you, huh?”

“I didn’t mean to!”

“And how did you feel when I told Stevie he wasn’t allowed to fuck you?  Even in your sleep you know your Daddy owns you.  That this is my hole and I decide everything that happens to it.”

You moaned so loud that he was afraid he would come right then and there.  You sounded like heaven.  He thrust into you as hard and deep as he could, slamming into your cervix and hitting your clit with his pelvis with each brutal motion.  You cried out and dug your nails into his skin.  

“Fuck, you like it rough don’t you?  Of course you do.  ‘Cause you’re Daddy’s needy little whore.”

“Yes, I’m close!” you yelped.

“Doesn’t matter, I’m not gonna let you come until you beg for it.  Seems like you need to remember that I’m the only one for you.”

“Just you, Daddy, I only want you!” you reassured, but he wasn’t buying it.

“I’d die before I let you get on your knees for another man, do you believe me babygirl?”

“Yes, I know Daddy, I’m yours, there’s nobody else.”

“If you wanna come you better start askin’ really nice,” he growled.

“Please, Daddy, I want you to make me come!  It feels so good, please…”

“Keep going.”

“You’re amazing, your cock feels amazing, I wanna come for you so bad--”

“Fuck, baby, beg me to use you.”

He knew you were flustered by that.

“I-- I don’t know how,” you protested.

“Oh come on, you’re dumb but you’re not that dumb,” he grinned.  “Just how I said it.”

“Use me,” you murmured in defeat, “please.”

“That’s it,” he praised, “just like that-- come for me, doll.”

You were so obedient, tightening around him and nearly screaming with pleasure the moment he commanded you to.  He wasn’t far behind, succumbing to the perfection of your wet heat and filling it with his climax.

“Fuck!” he groaned when he hit the peak of it, trying somehow to focus entirely on both the way you felt and the way you sounded.

Normally he cleaned you up after this but right now he wanted his come to leak out of you all night, make your thighs and the sheets sticky.  Apparently you had some sort of implant or something which kept you safe… he was trying not to count the days until it wore off.  He figured you would totally lose it if he told you that he wanted to get you pregnant, and yet, he was surprised that you hadn’t asked him about getting your implant replaced.

~

You knew that life was unpredictable and all that, but if never in a million years would you have expected for the Winter Soldier to be painting your nails.  But there he was, focused intently on each stroke of the tiny brush as he held your hand still.

“This’ll help you stop chewing your nails,” he gave as his excuse.  It was almost believable, except that he did your toes too.  Amazingly enough, you’d never chewed on those.

They were actually sort of pretty, if you were being honest.  You admired them a little, as they dried.  It wasn’t a perfect paint job by any means, but much better than you expected from Bucky and honestly, a bit better than you would’ve done it in all likelihood.  The baby pink color was a little nauseating as always, but it admittedly did look nice with your skin tone. 

“What do you say?” he prompted.

“Thank you, Daddy,” you smiled.  “It looks nice.”

“You’re welcome, angel.  I think so too.  We’ll take ‘em for a spin when they’re dry.”

You swallowed.  You had a pretty good idea of what that would entail.

Next was your hair.  Pigtails, the way he always did it.  You never quite understood what he liked so much about turning you into a girlier, more childish version of yourself, but you were finally embracing the things that you liked about being in this role.  He certainly pampered you, which was hard to complain about.  In your whole time here (you struggled to keep track but it must have been over a month now) you'd never cooked once.

After lunch he had you on your knees, looking up at him while you started to unzip his fly.  You found yourself salivating a little as you pulled his half-hard cock out of his boxers.

“Baby, your hands are so small…” he noticed reverently.  “Barely fit around it.”

“It’s not that they’re small, it’s that you’re so big,” you replied, more honest than you were used to being with him.

“You flatter me,” he grinned.  “Do it some more.”

You felt put on the spot, but feared disappointing him.  “Daddy, your cock is… so big,” you improvised, still stroking him as he got harder for you, “I can’t believe it fits inside me.”

“Hmm, it almost doesn’t,” he recalled.

“But it feels so good when-- when I get used to you and, um, your cock… stretches me…”

He groaned a little, and you moved your hand faster.

“Fills me up so good, Daddy,” you moaned, getting more into it than you had intended to.  “Your cock feels so fucking good, it’s like it’s made for me--”

He cut you off suddenly by pushing you back onto the mattress, hovering over you as a muscular hand wrapped around your throat.

“Got quite the mouth on ya, doll,” he growled.  “Do I need to wash it out with soap?” 

You shook your head; he wasn’t choking you hard enough to stop you from speaking entirely if you had really wanted to, but you were too stunned to say much.  His attitude could flip on a dime like this, and you could never see it coming.  The fear made your heart race; the anticipation made your thighs clench together.  

He smiled as he pulled back, letting go of your neck and reaching for his cock instead.  “I can tell you’re worked up.  Go ahead, touch yourself.”

You hesitated because typically that would be an infraction, but he nodded for you to continue as you nervously reached between your legs.   

You gasped softly when you touched your clit: it was swollen, and especially sensitive.  You hadn't realized how turned on you really were.  Slowly, you started to rub circles around it as your hips rocked with your movements.

"Does it feel good?" he asked, and when you looked up at him, he was stroking himself as well.  You nodded quickly.  "'M gonna come on that pretty face, little one.  Beg me for it."

"Daddy…" you murmured in shock, "I… want you to come on my face, please.  Wanna be covered in it."

"You're not a good liar," he grinned.  "I know you really want me to fuck you."

He wasn't wrong, so you nodded again and watched his hand speed up as it moved up and down his length.

"You poor thing," he cooed.  "I fuck you daily and you're so disappointed to be going without, to just be getting my come on your face like the dirty little whore you are."

His words stung but your hand was moving faster between your legs.

"You're getting close, aren't you?  Wait until I'm ready," he ordered.  You swallowed dryly but slowed down a little to buy yourself some time.  

He grunted a bit and you really hoped it was signalling an orgasm because you felt yours building unstoppably.  You didn't even think you could pull your hand away from yourself if he asked you to, you needed to come so bad.

"Fuck, open your mouth baby-- stick your tongue out," he commanded quickly, stepping forward until his cock was casting a shadow over your face.  "Oh god, just like that… ready baby?"

You nodded one more time and heard yourself panting loudly through your open mouth, your moans only interrupted by a wince as his come spurted forward and painted your face and exposed tongue in hot stripes.  Your orgasm hit just in time, embarrassingly spurred on by the degrading position you were in.  

When he was done-- which seemed to take forever because he came so much-- he started to catch his breath before slipping his softening cock onto your come-coated tongue and into your waiting mouth.

"Mm, you look so good like this," he praised, "I'm not sure I wanna let you wipe it off."

A flesh thumb moved down to your cheek and rubbed a stray drop of spend into your skin.  

"My perfect little cum dumpster, huh?" he said proudly, as if it was an award or achievement or something, and not a sick, insulting term.

Weird thing was, you felt proud of yourself, too.

~

He’d been working outside all day, chopping firewood in preparation for the upcoming winter.  Sure, the cabin had heating, but he had a lot of ideas about cuddling in front of the fire, or maybe making love beside it.  

Regardless, even super soldiers tire and must rest after working.  He decided to head inside and heat up something warm to stave off the cold.  You were still sleeping last he’d checked, exhausted from a long night-- yes, that kind of long night.  He almost felt guilty for putting your body through so much…  you were so delicate, sometimes he forgot you couldn’t always handle what he could.  However, you were stronger than you realized, and such a perfectly obedient little girl; he smiled at the memory of your skin under his fingertips, your fragile form writhing and whimpering beneath him as he’d taken you for hours.  As he daydreamed and began to enter the kitchen, he was torn from his imagination by a sound from your room.  At first he wondered if he’d misheard it, but when he heard you cry out again, he assumed you were hurt and nearly tripped over himself to run to you.  His heart was racing and he almost considered reaching for his sidearm-- there was no way someone could’ve broken in and tried to hurt you, right?

But as he flung open the door, instead he found you alone with your hand between your legs.  You jumped up when you saw him, but it was too late.

“The fuck are you doing?!” he exclaimed, climbing onto the bed and trapping you before you could crawl backwards away from him.

“I-- I was just--”

He cut you off with a quick slap to the face.  Not to hurt you, just to get you to focus on him.

“You know you can’t touch yourself without my permission.  Did you forget?”

“No…” you murmured ashamedly.

“If you knew it was wrong, why did you do it?”

“I… I just missed you…”

“Why didn’t you call me for help?  I can’t take care of you if you don’t ask.”

“I knew you were busy, I didn’t want to bother you--”

“Show me what you did,” he growled, watching you sheepishly spread your legs again to reveal your wet pussy and swollen clit.  “Oh doll, you really did a number on yourself.  Did you come without me?”

You looked away.

“Don’t bother lying.  Did you make yourself come with your fingers?”

“Yes…” 

You were hiding something.  He almost didn’t want to know the entire truth because it was breaking his heart to know you’d disobeyed so severely, but he had to know what happened if he was going to discipline you properly.

“Was it more than once?”

You shook your head and his blood went cold upon the realization that you were hiding something worse.

“What were you thinking about?” he asked you slowly.  He could hear your breathing quickened and he was sure he might die if you said what he was afraid of.  “Answer me.”

“I was thinking about… being fucked…”

“By who?” he asked.  You opened your mouth instantly but he cut you off.  “Don’t lie.”

You spoke but it was so weak that it wasn’t even a whisper.  “What was that?” he pressed.

“Sam,” you finally relented, “it was Sam.”

He was livid, but at least it wasn’t Steve.  

“Go stand beside the bed and kneel,” he commanded firmly.  You nodded weakly and slithered out from under him to do as he asked.  

He took a deep, slow breath hoping to calm himself a little.  He had heard that you shouldn’t punish little girls when you’re angry.  But he needed to nip this in the bud.

He got off the bed and approached you after a moment, running a finger under your chin and guiding you to look up at him.

“You understand you’ve been very naughty, don’t you?” he asked with a cold fury tinting his voice.

“Yes, Daddy,” you answered.  Clearly you were trying to be extra good and dutiful, hoping that strict adherence to the rules from here on out could save you some pain.  You weren’t wrong, but he wished that you would’ve had that attitude a little sooner.

“And if I don’t teach you a lesson, that would be unfair to both of us.”

“Yes, Daddy.”

He sat down on the edge of the bed and opened his belt and fly, pulling out his cock.  He sensed that you were compelled to lean forward and take it in your mouth, but you stayed still; you knew he would tell you exactly what he wanted you to do.

As he stroked his cock to full hardness, he glared at you so intensely that you couldn’t keep his gaze, looking up briefly but always glancing back down to the floor shamefully.  

“I-I’m sorry, Da-” you began weakly.

“You’ll speak when spoken to,” he interjected harshly.  Finally, he held your jaw with one hand, the other holding his cock forward as he plunged it between your lips.  He moaned a little when you swirled your tongue over it, doing your best to coat every inch of it in wetness.

As quickly as he had pushed in, he pulled out again.  He slapped his cock on your face, smearing your own spit on your cheek.  He rubbed his tip over your lips in a circle, but when you opened up your mouth for him, instead he leaned forward and spit into your open mouth.

“Swallow it,” he demanded through his teeth, and you did though it made you shudder with disgust.

Only then did he shove his cock in again, and with brutal force as well.  He used fistfuls of your hair to pull your face up and down on his cock, ignoring your whimpers of pain.

The room was filled with the sounds of your choking and coughing, until those extended periods of silence when his cock was shoved all the way into your throat and you couldn’t even get enough air for that.  It was the sexiest thing he’d ever heard in his life.

When he pulled you off of him to look at your face, he grinned proudly.  “Doll, you look like a fuckin’ mess.”  And it was true; spit and pre-cum dribbling down your chin and onto the floor, red nose and puffy eyes from crying… truly a sight to behold.

He gave you one more slap for good measure, the fist in your hair preventing your head from spinning to the side.  

“Gonna fuckin’ come in your throat.  You’d better swallow it all, bitch.”

He could feel your whole body jerk when he said it, and it only served to make your throat even tighter around him.  

“Fuck,” he groaned, “just like that, choke on me, fuck, oh god, fuck--”

He came with a stuttered moan and the sounds of protest you tried to make were lost as cum filled your throat and mouth.  

He smiled when you swallowed quickly, determined to obey.  He wasn’t even done coming yet and you were swallowing it.  Probably a good strategy; he had been pent up for a while now and he probably could’ve filled your tiny mouth until it was leaking.

When he was sure every drop of come had been spilled and swallowed, he pulled out and gave you some reprieve.  You gasped for air loudly, coughing a few times but mostly maintaining your composure like the good little slut you were.

He watched you shift your hip uncomfortably and realized you must be quite agitated yourself.

“If you want something from me, just ask,” he encouraged.  “That’s the whole point of this, isn’t it?”

“Please fuck me,” you whimpered.

He wagged his finger disapprovingly.  “I don’t know if you deserve it.”

“Please!” you yelped, and he yanked you off the floor and into his lap quickly.

“You get so dumb when you need me,” he growled into your ear.  “So desperate that you don’t know how to think about anything else but cock.  Isn’t that right?”

You nodded with a gasp.

“You’re my dumb little baby, aren’t you?  Say it," he hissed in demand.

“I’m your dumb little baby,” you repeated breathlessly.

“Get on your hands and knees and get that ass up.”

You obeyed quickly, almost eagerly, and he grinned at your obedience.  You really needed it bad, and he was helpless but to oblige you.  As soon as he was on his knees behind you and lining up with your sopping entrance, he was shoving his cock into you all at once.

You yelped at the brutality of the intrusion; he stayed still for a moment, relishing the feeling of your warmth, before pulling back out again.

“Wh-?” you began to protest in confusion, but he was a step ahead of you.

“That was just to get my cock wet, baby.”

One metal finger slipped into your puckered hole and you yelped.  “D-daddy, not there!”

“Shhh, just relax,” he soothed.

“It’s gonna hurt,” you whined.

“That’s sort of the idea,” he explained.  “I know what you can handle, doll.”

“And I can handle this?”

“I never said that.”

And with only one more finger and a few more minutes of hasty preparation, he was pushing his cock into your tighter hole.

“Shh,” he soothed when he felt you clench around him, but still pushing forward, indifferent to your hiss of pain.  

“It hurts!” you sobbed.

“I know baby, you’re just gonna have to take it.  This wouldn’t be happening if you had just asked me to help you.”

You pouted and it was equal parts adorable and pathetic.  “I’m sorry!”

“I’ll tell you when it’s time to apologize.  Right now you just need to be quiet.  Don’t you wanna be a good little girl?”

“Y-yes.”

He started to move his cock inside you and you shivered under him.  

“Please come,” you begged weakly after a few more minutes of thrusting.

“You wanna get it over with?  Don’t like it?”

You nodded and he did feel bad for you, but he knew it was what you needed.

“I’ll come when I’m ready, doll.  Just take Daddy’s cock, ‘s all you’re good for anyways, right angel?”

You nodded and bit back another sob, blissfully unaware of his adoring gaze; you looked so cute crying for his cock.  He liked being strong enough to hurt you almost as much as he liked being strong enough to protect you.

“My perfect little crybaby,” he cooed.  “Don’t whine too much or I’ll have to stuff that filthy mouth with a paci, alright?”

He watched you bite your lip and try to stay calm.  Out of pity, he moved a little slower than he wanted to, giving you some more time to adjust.  Eventually he felt you relaxing, though you still yelped a little when he pushed in all the way.  It was hard to choose between watching your face or watching his cock stretch open your hole.

“God, you’re takin’ me so well,” he praised.  “Who knew you were such a whore, huh?”

Before you could deny it, he reached down and swiped his fingers through your folds quickly, groaning when he felt how swollen and wet they were.  “Fuck, baby, you’re drenched.  You like getting fucked up the ass; such a dirty little slut.”

“Just for you, Daddy,” you informed him with a weak voice.  He was still angry with you, of course, but he was so proud of you, too.  He could remember all those times you’d tried to run or fight, now you were just laying there and taking it like a champ-- no restraints, no threats, just the desire to be good for him.  You were everything he’d ever dreamed you could be and more.

The thought spurred his orgasm ahead sooner than he expected, but he still wanted to hold back.  You needed more to learn your lesson, and he wanted to savor this feeling as long as possible.

His fingers had been digging into the supple flesh of your hips and ass, hard enough to bruise, but you felt too warm and too soft, so he gripped the sheets instead in his attempts to stave off his rupture.

But it wasn’t much longer until the tightness of you, the heat of you, the sweetness of your sobs all became too perfect to ignore.  His cock was aching for release, and if he denied himself much more, he figured his balls would never relax from their tightened state.

“I think you’re ready to apologize now,” he groaned.

“I’m so sorry, Daddy,” you sobbed.  “I swear, I’ll never touch myself without your permission again-- and I’ll never think about anybody but you!  I only want you, I swear!”

“You sure, baby?  You don’t think Sam would treat you better?” he mocked.  Sam definitely would be nicer to you, but there was no way he could treat you better than Bucky did.  Maybe you wanted a guy who was sweeter, more traditional, but this was what you needed and only your Daddy could give that to you.

“I’m sure!  I only want you, please!  Please, please come.”

“Is that what you want, angel?  Want me to come in your tight little ass?”

“Please,” you whimpered.

“Please…?”

“Please, Daddy.”

And he came, though it was a little more physically taxing since it was the second of the night.  You whimpered a little but he could tell you were relieved it was over.

You didn’t put up any fight at bath time that night, just curled into his arms and let him wash you as you whispered more apologies.  

“Shh, it’s alright,” he soothed as he washed your hair, whispering right against your ear before giving it a little kiss.  “You did good, baby.  You made a mistake but you’re gonna learn from it and we’re gonna be better than ever.  You took your punishment so well, darling, you should be proud.”

~

Today you'd woken up to an empty house, with a note on the kitchen table:

Gone for groceries, I'll be back in the afternoon.  When I get home, greet me at the door wearing what I've laid out for you in your closet.

You figured it wasn't going to be something conservative by any means, but you were still taken aback by finding a tail, collar, and cat-ear headband.  The collar was pink leather with a tiny bell and a little heart-shaped steel tag with your name on it.  The realization that he had this custom-made sent a shiver down your back.  On the back of the tag was another engraving:

IF LOST RETURN TO BUCKY BARNES

You were a little concerned about wearing only a collar, ears and tail… especially when you realized how the tail was intended to be worn.

Still, you had become thoroughly obedient, and you trusted that this would make him happy which was all you could hope for.  You fought past your hesitation and changed out of your pajamas into the outfit (if it could even be called that when it contained no actual clothing).

He had the biggest grin on his face when he opened the door to find you on your knees just outside the entryway.

“Oh look at you, kitten,” he beamed.

Being naked on the floor was cold and awkward.  You crossed your arms to cover your chest, frowning as you tried to avoid his penetrating gaze.  “This is stupid.  I feel stupid.”

“You are stupid," he smiled.  "But you look great!  Now behave or you’ll have to eat out of a bowl on the floor until you’ve learned to love being Daddy’s pet.”

Your eyes went wide.

“You’re gonna behave, right?”

“Y-yes, Daddy.”

He smiled and curled his finger, motioning for you to come closer.  You awkwardly crawled towards him on your hands and knees, biting your lip absent-mindedly.  When you were on the floor in front of his legs, he knelt down a bit and grabbed a handful of your ass.  It made the plug inside you shift and you whimpered.

“Mm, this tail looks lovely on you,” he praised.  “And the ears… you’re a natural.”

“Thank you, Daddy,” you shyly accepted the compliment.

"I bet you got wet putting this on, huh?" he presumed.  You nodded as he moved to rub two fingers through your folds, proving himself right.

When he leaned back and pulled his cock from his jeans, you were surprised at how hard it already was.  Clearly the kitten thing was working for him.

"Go ahead kitty, I know you want a taste," he encouraged.

You leaned forward and gave, fittingly, small kitten licks to the tip of his cock and he groaned.  “Just like that, fuck.”

You hummed when you tasted his pre-cum on your tongue.  You’d gotten so accustomed to it that you actually enjoyed the flavor now.

Hesitantly, you wrapped your lips around the head and suckled on it gently.  Apparently, he didn’t care much for the slow-but-steady method; he slipped two fingers under your collar and used it to pull you down further until you choked.  

He continued to guide you forward and back, moaning every time your throat accepted the leaking head of his cock.

“You don’t want me to come in your mouth, do you?” he asked with a grunt.

You shook your head.  

He grinned knowingly, pushing you back until your mouth was empty and free to respond.  “Where do you want it?” 

“In my pussy.”

“Full sentences only, please.”

“I want you to come in my pussy, Daddy, please.”

“Hmm, you did ask very nicely,” he smiled.  “But I have something else to do first.  Go get on the couch, kitten, hands and knees.”

You almost stood up but realized he wanted you to crawl again.  As soon as you’d done it, he was behind you, humming contentedly as he ran his rough hands over your skin.  You mewled when he started to kiss along your back, down your ass and between your thighs until he was licking long stripes through your folds.  Both of you moaned when he sucked your clit into his mouth, even allowing it to graze against his teeth which nearly hurt but made you gush with wetness anyways.

"Please-- I'm close, Daddy, can I come?" you whimpered.

"Go ahead," he mumbled before returning to his work, knowing exactly how to use his tongue to take you apart in mere minutes.  Your hands grabbed desperately at the back of the couch for stability as your legs began to quiver with the force of your orgasm.  You yelped and bit down on your lip as it crashed over you; sometimes when he ate you out, he wouldn't stop after you'd came and keep going until you were begging for mercy, but he was apparently feeling generous today and stopped once you'd finished.

That, of course, did not mean he was finished with you.

He pushed his jeans down to his thighs and laid back onto the mattress, cock so hard that it was pressing into his abs.

“Come on kitten, ride me,” he grinned, motioning for you to climb on top of him.  The moment you did he was rubbing his cock against you, pushing it upwards for you to sink down onto it.  You moaned as it stretched you open, and when your hips met his, the tip of it brushed against the deepest places inside you.  You yelped and tried to move back up but he suddenly grabbed your legs and held you down.

“Nuh-uh, kitten, no running away.  You’re gonna take all of me.”

“It’s too deep,” you protested weakly, even though you felt your walls throbbing with pleasure.

“Not at all, angel; you’re made for me, so you fit me perfectly,” he explained.  “If I let you go, you’re gonna ride me properly, take my whole cock, right?”

You nodded and he eased up his grip.  You felt your legs shaking as little as you pushed yourself up only to drop back down, wincing as he filled you so completely once again.  You repeated the movement over and over, picking up pace and moaning every time.  You could feel his cock moving the plug inside your ass, and each bounce on top of him made your collar jingle a little.

You did your best to keep up the pace, but to lift yourself required use of a muscle that you clearly hadn't been getting much exercise for; it wasn't more than a few minutes before you were faltering, your moans of pleasure accented with the struggling groans of exhaustion.

"Oh kitty, are you too weak?  Too wimpy and small to ride my cock?  Baby… that's pathetic," he moped.

"I'm sorry, Daddy," you pouted.  "I'm just tired…"

"Just a little longer, kitten, just ride my cock a little more then I'll help you out, okay?  I know you can do it.  I know you can be a good girl."

You hoped he was right.  You nodded weakly as he looked at you expectantly, before slowly beginning to move again in spite of your sore thighs.

Soon, as he'd promised, he pulled you down and wrapped his arms around you, thrusting up into you.  Your moans echoed against his skin when your face was shoved into the crook of his neck.  When his cock slammed into your most sensitive spot, you bit him there as a way to stifle yourself and he slapped your ass.

“Only bad kittens bite, doll.  I thought you were going to be a good kitten for me?”

“Feels so good,” you tried to explain though it came out slurred, “please don’t stop.”

“I’m not gonna stop, baby.  Not gonna stop until that pussy is full of my come.  That what you want?”

“Yes,” you pleaded, “oh god, yes, please…”

He moaned loudly as his thrusts lost all rhythm, his cock moving so fast inside you that the sensation became one hot blur against your walls.  Finally, as he groaned and gripped you tight enough to bruise, he spilled inside you. 

As he let out a long breath and his body relaxed under you, he smiled softly.  "You really are perfect, pet."

"C-can I take off the ears now?  And the tail?"

"Hmm, not yet," he grinned, "we need to take a few pictures of you like this first."

~

He was working in the kitchen when he heard your footsteps approaching.

"Don't come in here!" he ordered you.  "Wait for me at the dining table."

"Why, Daddy?" he heard you respond from the hall.  He smiled just to hear your sweet voice.

"It's a surprise, babydoll," he explained.  "It's almost ready-- just wait, okay?"

"Okay, Daddy," you answered dutifully, your footsteps moving to the dining area as he'd requested.

Stepping back and admiring his work, he lifted it and turned out the door to deliver your surprise: a cake, with pink frosting and one pink candle.

Your eyes lit up when you saw him holding the cake stand, being careful not to tilt it or get the flame of the candle near his long hair.

He smiled and set it in front of you, looking to your face for a reaction.  Suddenly he felt self-conscious about it, scratching the back of his neck awkwardly.   "Um, I made it myself.  Sorry if the decorating isn't that nice…"

"It's beautiful, Daddy, and I bet it'll taste great, too," you beamed.  "What's the occasion?"

"It's our anniversary," he replied, his voice suddenly low and dark.

He saw recognition cross your face, though you looked confused as well.  The meds he'd given you throughout the year had disrupted your memories, and probably distorted your perception of the passage of time as well, but it was all necessary to get you compliant.  He hoped reminding you of that somewhat violent first day wouldn't set back any of your progress.

"I've… been here a year?" you asked weakly.

"We've been here a year," he corrected, sitting down beside you and wrapping an arm around you, "but that's not what we're celebrating."

The hand on your shoulder slipped down to the underside of your arm, stroking it slowly.

"We're celebrating that a medication somebody gave you a long time ago, before we were together, is finally worn off," he explained slowly, a grin creeping across his face. "We're celebrating that the next time I come inside you, I'm gonna get you pregnant."

He didn't fuck you for three days after that, loving the way you were clearly on edge as you waited for him to make good on his promise.  And he didn't blame you for being nervous about it, even if you seemed to understand that any protest from you would fall on deaf ears.

So, he was quite taken aback when you came onto him one night, bedtime cuddling quickly turning into something more as you rubbed your ass against his crotch.  He hadn't even realized that you would want it all on your own.

God, you were so fucking perfect he couldn't stand it.

"What are you doing, angel?" he asked you with a growl as he grabbed your hips and forced them to still.

"Nothing, Daddy," you answered coyly.  He grinned and nipped at your earlobe.

"Are you horny, babygirl?  Because you're acting like a whore."

You nodded and gasped, shivering under his touch.

"Want Daddy's cock inside you?" he pressed, voice getting darker.

"Yes, please!" you begged.

He sat up and flipped you onto your back, caging you in with his arms as he hovered above you.

“You wanna have my baby?” he asked in a husky whisper.

“Yes,” you nodded your head quickly.

“Want me to knock you up, doll?  Right now?”

“Please,” you whimpered.

He leaned down, almost close enough to kiss you, as his gaze wandered over your face  “I don’t want it to be like the other times.  None of the crazy shit, nothing rough.  If I’m gonna get you pregnant--”

“Whatever you want,” you pleaded.

He kissed you suddenly, deep and slow.  “I love you,” he told you quickly as he pulled back, breathless but confident.  

“I love you too,” you answered without even questioning it.

He was gentle, and thorough, and patient.  It was love-making in a way that was out of character for him.  He lifted your legs to wrap around his hips, pushing into you as deep as he could but with a contemplative slowness; he cradled your face in his hands and kissed all over it as he praised you in whispers.

My pretty girl, my perfect little girl, gonna fill you up, gonna make you mine.

You were only moans and sobs, your arms wrapping around his neck to pull him closer.  

The first time you came was unexpected, building slowly but crashing into you all at once, judging by the way you went from softly whimpering to nearly screaming in seconds.  The second was quieter, more subtle, but he could tell by the way your walls tightened around him.  The third left you in tears, beyond overstimulated and broken down into a babbling mess.

“Please,” you cried, “please I need you to come-- come inside me.”

He struggled to resist that offer, but he didn't want it to be over too quickly.

“Soon,” he promised, “I’m close.  You feel so good.”

You wrapped a hand around the back of his neck, pulling him close for a kiss but stopping as his mouth brushed against yours.

“Please, Bucky… please come…” you whispered.

He moaned, his thrusts getting a little more erratic.

“Need it so bad,” you whimpered, “need you to put your baby in me--”

“Fuck,” he hissed, “‘m gonna, promise.”

“Now,” you demanded through your teeth, “I need it now.”

“Not until you come one more time,” he responded.  You whined and he knew you were questioning whether it was possible.  “I know you can, just gimme one more.”

His angle shifted and he stayed deep within you, grinding his hips on yours just the right way to rub your clit with his pubic bone.  Your back arched but he held you close, barraging you with the sensation and pressing his forehead to yours.

Your hands gripped his shoulders for dear life, as if you were afraid to fall.  He smiled and kissed your neck, feeling your walls flutter around him once again.

“That’s it,” he praised, “I know you’re close.  Just let go.  I’ve got you.”

Tears streamed down your face as it tore through you, hitting you so hard that instead of moans it was just silence.  He watched your face intently, breathing through his teeth as he summoned all his willpower to hold on just a little longer.  

"Daddy!" you yelped, and he couldn't take any more: with a high-pitched, stuttered moan, he felt his cock flexed as he came harder than maybe he ever had before.  Knowing that you were fertile made it all so much more intense.  Normally, his orgasm just meant the end of sex-- maybe just for a few minutes on a good day.  But now?  Now it was the beginning of something.  His perfect little angel was going to finally fulfill her final purpose and give him a baby.  He'd waited so long, dreamed of it every day for years, and finally it was going to happen.  

He refused to pull out or let you move until he was sure it would take; he killed the time by kissing every part of your face and neck that he could reach.

He hadn't even gotten you pregnant yet, technically, and he already couldn't wait for more children.  He'd always wanted to have a big family, but he gave up on that dream years ago; meeting you had brought it all back, and made him realize that all this time he'd just been waiting for the perfect wife to start it with.

You were well worth the wait.