#and like this really isn't just me making up a guy to be mad at I've seen so much of this
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Read a comment bashing lwj...
This is a very long rant about why I love lan wangji's character and why I think his behavior towards Wei Wuxian pre-sunshot campaign make sense. Some events I talk about might be out of order, because I'm rambling. Spoilers for scenes from Audio drama, cdrama, and the other mdzs canons.
So I accidentally read a comment bashing lwj and it made me so mad. Mostly because I found it incredibly inaccurate in interpreting his actions and his relationship with WWX. I can understand not liking LWJ just because his personality isn't one everyone would click with, but hating on him for inaccurate assessment of his character?! It feels like an injustice. So I'm going to share why his character is so fascinating to me, and why his actions make sense.
LWJ is one of my favorite characters for a reason, and there's a reason WWX likes this guy. Was LWJ's behavior as a teen towards wwx dumb? Yes. He was a teenager, lashing out because he had all these feelings and he was scared of being like his parents and scared of the idea that the things he'd been taught about the world was wrong, and he was angry because he couldn't control anything or make it align with that worldview, and he was so full of attraction and fascination and desire that frightened him, because the world and his clan had taught him it was wrong. And it was all happening because of this beautiful, bright boy, who wouldn't obey any of the rules LWJ had been taught made someone "good", but who was somehow so good anyway (which he learns from the Waterborne Abyss incident, when WWX rescues Su She). LWJ has been thrown into a hormonal, existential chaos.
He's never learned to communicate because he's never had a single friend in his life, and he hadn't had anyone to teach him all the ways love could be good, could be healthy, could be a blessing. Only that it was a sin, and that he was bad to have those feelings. He hadn't had anyone to teach him how to manage his emotions in a healthy way, or how to trust his own sense of right and wrong even over what others told him.
And here's this boy, who laughs at, disregards, disrespects LWJ's home and the wisdom he's been taught to look up to all his life. His clan's history and methods. And he's so beautiful, but it feels like this boy is laughing at him. And this boy is so charming, and every time he flirts or is friendly he must be making fun of LWJ because no one has ever teased him like this, or treated him in such a friendly way. Of course WWX doesn't actually want to be friends, or isn't really flirting. He has so many other friends, why would he want to be friends with LWJ? He just wants to get out of punishment, or be entertained. And he likes girls, so of course his flirting with LWJ is only to make fun.
And LWJ feels so vulnerable when WWX flirts, because he wants WWX to look at him and call him handsome, and maybe he's scared WWX sees that. So of course he's going to ignore him, avoid him. Of course he's going to respond with "Shameless!" and "Boring!" He thinks WWX is making fun of him. He thinks WWX is going to hurt him, if LWJ softens. And these emotions are so strong. What if they grow out of control, to the point his love becomes something that poisons, stifles, or hurts? That's a recipe for textbook anxious avoidant attachment style right there (I would know lol i am also this way).
And No wonder he reacted so strongly to the spring book prank. I think bro felt terrified/furious WWX had perceived, in some way, his own desires. And thought WWX was making fun of him. To me, this hits a lot more strongly in the cdrama, especially as the spring book cdrama!WWX used was of the cut-sleeve variety.
And when WWX knocks him over the wall, so sure LWJ will reveal that he's just like the rest of GusuLan, who just want to have rules to feel morally superior over others, enforcing them selectively but not applying them if it suits them (see: LQR) LWJ is determined to prove him wrong, and takes punishment along WWX for being outside the walls after curfew. And here's where WWX's (more negative) opinion of LWJ's character begins to change. He sees that LWJ is genuine in his desire to do good, to be morally righteous. And that makes LWJ stand out against so much of the rest of the cultivation world.
But LWJ still thinks WWX is teasing him maliciously, even when WWX announces that his opinion of LWJ has changed and he wants to be friends. LWJ is still heavily on guard, and again, WWX is approaching him when LWJ feels very vulnerable, given he's undressed in the cold spring, and WWX is also getting undressed in the cold spring. And then WWX says he'll introduce LWJ to girls. Again: he's vulnerable, feeling wrong, feeling made fun of, so he pulls away.
I don't think LWJ really starts to let down his guard until after WWX brings him the rabbits as a gift. Because WWX brought them, and even if he felt vulnerable and teased during that exchange, they were still a gift, proof that WWX had thought of him outside of just their exchanges during WWX's punishment. It is a much kinder feeling of being perceived than the spring book was.
And then WWX is kicked out of lectures, and LWJ doesn't see him again until indoctrination, but even though he was hoping-not-hoping with WWX gone the feelings would fade, instead he writes a love song because he can't get WWX out of his head. All his pulling away and guarding himself seems to be for naught. In the audio drama (the lotus seed pod extra) he even goes to a lotus pond to pick the seed pods with the stems attached because he missed WWX and was thinking about the things he'd shared about his home. He wanted to know about the things WWX liked, the things WWX experienced in his home, even if he wasn't brave enough to go to Lotus Pier directly. [EDIT: It was pointed out that this extra appeared first in the novel.]
And then there's the Discussion Conference, where WWX pulls off LWJ's forehead ribbon. I imagine this event caused LWJ to feel humiliated, ashamed, angry, (and even more horrifyingly to LWJ, pleased on some level that it was WWX) and exposed in front of the entire cultivation society. It might not "seem like a big deal" to a lot of fans because to us it's just a strip of fabric no matter how symbolic, but in this case it is very important that we imagine the gravity of this to understand where LWJ is coming from. For better understanding I would compare it to a lot of modern spiritual practices that use clothing in similar symbolic ways, and we would never want to disrespect someone by disrespecting that clothing, even if it is not a practice we personally follow. And WWX pulling the ribbon off in front of pretty much everyone (many of whom went to lectures at Cloud Recesses), including LWJ's own clan, who understand perfectly what it meant that WWX did that? Mortifying. And then his own clan reassures him that "it doesn't count" because WWX is a man, which must have been really invalidating to LWJ in its own way. So any progress on the friendship front/ideas of softening his guard on LWJ's part is gone. Toast.
And then his home has been burnt to the ground, his brother in hiding, and his leg broken. It's no surprise he's going to spurn WWX at indoctrination. He's grieving, stressed out more than he's ever been, in so much pain. LWJ probably feels really overwhelmed, overstimulated, and unsafe. He just cannot deal with All the Emotions About Wei Wuxian on top of that, and how would he even begin to tell WWX what had happened? He'd prefer to just avoid, avoid, avoid. (In the cdrama, I think he's also trying to distance himself so WWX won't draw the attention of WC.) And when WWX flirts with Mianmian, LWJ has had it up to here. He has no idea WWX is just trying to get medicine for him. And when WWX wants to carry him, the last thing LWJ probably wants is to be vulnerable with wwx in this very unsafe situation, where the Wens are constantly looking for weakness. So he brushes him off.
Then in the cave, LWJ is one of the first (along with JZX to resist the Wens and protect Mianmian. And then he stays behind with WWX and pushes him out of the way of the Xuanwu to get bitten instead. That speaks volumes about his character.
And then there's the whole debacle where LWJ is furious about the branding scar. I know he's of course jealous about the whole Mianmian thing, and WWX trying to lighten the mood/distract LWJ the way he distracts the Jiang siblings by going on about being a dashing hero protecting a maiden, but that just pisses LWJ off more, and I believe it's because LWJ is mad that WWX is treating the matter so lightly, because to him, love and devotion and self-sacrifically pushing people out of the way of danger is so powerful it feels like he's drowning, and WWX is over here like "haha she'll always remember me isn't that nice" and "it doesn't matter that i got hurt because it would have hurt her worse bc of beauty/reputation/the consequences of a woman losing her beauty" (which, kudos to WWX for understanding the ways women are affected by patriarchy, and beauty as a form of power/a tool for a future)
But LWJ is over here, viciously reminded he's not special and WWX would help and flirt with anyone and (seemingly) not think twice about it. Another thought process he could be having could be: but you got hurt. and that is unacceptable, and I hate that you're trying to say it like it is acceptable, bc it's like you don't care, and I care so much it feels like it could kill me. (I'm extrapolating a bit about this thought process here, but it seems plausible enough to me)
And then there's the whole thing where earlier WWX had made LWJ gay-panic hard enough to spit up blood, and then promptly reassured him he doesn't like guys. LWJ didn't need this on top of all the stress, and WWX just took off his headband to make a splint again, and so its presence isn't there to press him into restraint, and now the Mianmian thing, all the stress and adrenaline just come crashing down and bro just can't take it anymore and bites WWX bc maybe he he's mad that WWX has made the impact of a meteor strike in his life and it seems like WWX doesn't take more than a passing thought to those he impacts so deeply. So in all his deep and torrential emotions, bro is just like "I'll make you remember, even just a little bit, the way I remember you." I think in any other circumstance, LWJ wouldn't have lashed out in this way. It took so much for him to reach this point. Should he have bitten WWX? No. Do I understand why he did? Yeah.
And then LWJ tells WWX about Cloud Recesses and cries, for obvious reasons.
And so to call his behavior "abuse" towards WWX at any point in this timeline makes literally no sense at all (though unfortunately that was what the comment called it), and it tore me up to think about it. This is a very long post, and I have a lot to say about LWJ's actions during and post sunshot, but I'm tired so I'll just leave this here. Feel free to share your insights and what you love about LWJ's character. Also, if you have fic recs for favorite LWJ characterizations, please share! I'd love to read them.
TL;DR - Lwj's behavior and treatment of WWX pre-sunshot makes sense in context of his pov. He's flawed, but that's what makes him such a great character, and I love him for good reason.
#the untamed#lan wangji#wei wuxian#cql#mdzs#wangxian#chen qing ling#lan zhan#mo dao zu shi#lan wangji my beloved#character analysis#mdzs donghua#cloud recesses study arc#xuanwu cave
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CoD Headcanons
guys guess who's back with another headcanon here, yeah it's me. This time around the prompt is...
If you went nonverbal :3
A/N this is coming from someone who does go nonverbal from time to time and this short is specifically reflecting my experience so if it isn't the same for you I'm very sorry! Important to mention, this is meant to reflect being temporarily nonverbal, Ty :]
Price
It takes him a moment to figure out what's wrong. He doesn't like seeing you startled, and because of his naturally protective nature he feels like he can't leave you alone. Eventually, after some very quick Google searches, he understands what's going on and tries his best to help you feel comfortable.
Soap
At first he's really concerned, he feels like it's his fault and that he should have noticed the signs earlier. When you start talking again he keeps asking you to make sure he didn't upset you and asks you what he should do if it happens again. He hugs you constantly for a while afterwards, trying to make it up to you.
Gaz
Gaz is really sad, he can't help it when he knows you're feeling overstimulated and upset. He tries his best to get you out of whatever situation you are in and then sits silently next to you, not knowing what to do.
Ghost
He doesn't even notice for a while, not until he makes some sarcastic remark and you don't respond. He just raised an eyebrow and sits there in silence with you until you question him about it later and he just shrugs it off. He didn't realize anything was wrong, he just thought you gave up with trying to make him say something that wasn't snarky.
Makarov
as much as I want to make him silly because he's my favorite I vow to be realistic </3 Bonus with nice Makarov in the end :3 Realistically, he'd be mad. At first, slightly annoyed, sure, but this man's temper rises fast. When you try to explain it to him later that you just couldn't speak, he brushes you off and gives you the silent treatment for a while, before he realises how petty he's being and goes back to normal.
Graves
Graves is always talking so he notices fast. The second you don't laugh at one of his corny jokes, or greet one of the shadows, he's holding you close and asking what is wrong. He knows it's not his fault, nothing could be his fault, so he isn't too worried. Whatever it was though, he will get rid of it as fast as physically possible, usually with force.
König
He's definitely worried, but more than that, he's confused. He doesn't really know what to do. He ends up sitting there quietly, staring at you and hoping you'll start talking again. In the end he ends up more anxious than you.
Bonus Makarov :3
He tries to be upset with you, this is not behavior he should be condoning, but he can't stand to see the one person he cares about, even slightly, upset. He uses his power to get you into a quiet room, alone with him, and gets you everything he thinks you need. A blanket, water, hugs, anything until you start talking again. And when you apologize he tells you to stop, it was the stupid Konni's fault, you will not apologize for their mistake.
#cod#call of duty#cod headcanons#headcanons#x reader#romantic or platonic#john price#captain price#soap mactavish#soap cod#ghost cod#kyle gaz garrick#gaz cod#phillip graves#graves cod#vladimir makarov#makarov cod#könig cod#konig cod#Guys is this too many tags
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It's always crazy stumbling across iwtv blogs that are like "this fandom has a serious racism problem" and then you scroll down and are immediately bombarded with their posts like "and this is why Armand is a repulsive unfuckable worm for whom Louis and Lestat have nothing but utmost distain"
#the lack of self awareness is astounding#and like this really isn't just me making up a guy to be mad at I've seen so much of this#it drives me up the wall
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I cannot imagine being a Damian stan right now. You've got both Zdarsky's bullshit (where he clearly doesn't give a shit about your boy) and The Boy Wonder (where Juni Ba clearly gives so many shits about your boy) coming out on the same day. The whiplash must be insane. I hope y'all get some nice warm soup for your efforts jfc
#damian wayne#damian al ghul#damian al ghul wayne#batman#batfamily#for all of the issues that come with having Steph as your fave having too much wild shit happening at once is never one of them#btw I quite like The Boy Wonder Issue 1. wow shocker an artist and writer who I have liked everything they've ever done#has once again written something that I am enjoying with art that makes me want to be part of its world.#it's almost like Juni Ba is really freaking talented or something#like I have some problems with it but it seems like many of those are part of the point. Damian is learning that his siblings are more#three-dimensional than he realized and that is part of this 'coming of age' story merged with fairytale#so I can't be mad at the oversimplistic defining of Dick and Jason and Tim until the conclusion of the series. that might be the point.#I hope that the series will address Steph as a Robin but if not then frankly it's not an issue unique to this series.#I'll be annoyed and disappointed but ultimately roll with it like I am with Babsgirl being here. There's too much good stuff here to get#hung up on shit that seems to be almost an editorial mandate at this point. at least that's where I'm at.#I am also very sorry that Chip Zdarsky is massacring your boy. he has 'X (Tim for him) is the best Robin so everyone else must suck' diseas#where a writer really likes one specific Robin and in trying to uplift them demeans all of the other Robins. instead of like...just writing#for that one character only or alternatively not demeaning the other characters in order to make his blorbo look good#it's wild because I actually think his writing for Tim is pretty solid. but he's not writing a Tim series. he's writing a Batman series.#and if you are going to write a Batman series and include other Batfamily members you need to actually write them well.#instead of assigning them like 2 personality traits while Tim gets to be a whole character#I accept that behavior in fanfic where I have lesser standards because it's fucking free. not a comic run that wants me to pay#tens of dollars in order to understand what the fuck is going on. he's been going for a while now it's gotta be a lot of money.#I can buy Steelworks with that money. I can see John Henry and Natasha Irons in a trade. Fuck you Chip.#it's why it takes such a special person to write a good ensemble story/a good Batfamily story. you have to be good at writing a LOT#of different characters. which I don't think most people are. I sure as hell am not. I can write maybe 3 at a time confidently well.#and you also have to give all of them at least SOME love or else people will be upset that you aren't focusing on their fave#and also the writing as a whole will suffer. Chip Zdarsky is a pretty good Tim writer. I'd maybe read a Tim solo written by him.#I would not read a story focusing on multiple characters that I like written by Chip Zdarsky. because every character who isn't Tim#is at least a bit weak/inconsistent/out of character INCLUDING FUCKING BATMAN. THE NO. 1 GUY MOST ARE HERE FOR
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had an odd dream that i was reading a comic book. sketched a couple of the pages i could remember.
#i might adapt this into an actual story because i am SO SO SO mad that it isn't a thing i can go back to reading#oc#im definitely keeping the concept of save-bot i fucking love save-bot he's just doing his best. i love a robot who wants to help people#im not equipped to be writing about underground rebellions with any sense of real tact though#besides its in a superhero universe/story so you know it would just be so sucks lol#sketch#god the colors were so interesting. the teal parts were all very precisely crosshatched and the fire was this gorgeous brush pen looking#colored inks that just seemed like they were MOVING#and i mean some of that was because i was dreaming but god even in my halfhearted copy you can see some of the movement#it was a bad scene but a really really REALLY fun dream. i love when a book can *get* to me so i was really enjoying it#put it aside so i could take a break and woke up. instant fury at the universe for not having it be a real book instead#ill reblog with details if anyone's curious. i can explain this scene but i dont feel like it#the green people are in a secret basement though. hiding from the government. blue jacket guy is a speedster robot named save-bot who does#rescue stuff with every fire department so fire suppression technology is not very good because save-bot "can just save you''#however they're badly over their legal occupancy and the secret basement has One (1) exit so everyone is like really fucked here.#includinig save-bot who is going to do his job until he dies because he is an ai without any sense of self preservation and he cares#which i didn't even CATCH until i woke up and started tryin to frantically note everything down#and then i was like wait. the glitter on that last page before i realized i needed a glass of water to keep reading... what WAS that...#(it was tears suspended in midair because save-bot goes so fast and also knows he's so fucked LOL)#seriously i'm so mad someone else didn't make this.
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I woke up to this and am really thinking about this
#this guy proudly proclaims being an ''extremely progressive bisexual interested in expanding democracy & ending poverty''#how progressive and effective in ending poverty by ranting about helping OTHER countries when natural disasters destroyed all the resources#what do I expect from someone that brings up democracy unironically though#when these people realize you gotta make change for your OWN place of living first if you wanna have this mindset I will know peace#sounds like my damn mother if she wasn't racist you gotta choose something to put work into and stop fretting over the whole world#yeah it fucking sucks and needs to be addressed but what are you gonna do by bitching on a fascist social media site?#you're not ending world hunger by ignoring the very people you spout performative nonsense in the name of#you may be a POC too sir but in the end you are also American you're not immune to what the Residue(tm) did to POC here#sue me for saying I don't really keep up with most politics because I can't vote or anything but fuck even I know this shit#care about politics and changing lives? do something to make that happen because bitching ion the internet isn't changing anything#I'm not even fucking mad I'm just in AWE because I've NEVER encountered one of these people responding to ME before#I'm speechless yet have so much to say because I got this reminder that this really isn't deemed common sense like it is to me#this is my most popular tweet too and it's a damn political reply I'm kinda pissed at that though dhyuigbfuyh#EDIT I JUST REALIZED THAT HE'S NOT EVEN GOT ANY AUTHORITY TO SPEAK ON THIS SHIT BECAUSE HE'S 4TH GEN ARLINGTONIAN#say to my Native ass that the fascist regime should collapse by destroying the whole country to help the reservations boy#you're throwing yourself into the gringo corner of your own volition this is too funny
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Mani, descending from the heavens above like god's most Perfect and beautiful angel (... Lucifer?), about to bestow the WORST advice imaginable, like just the most absolute dogshit horse piss advice you've ever heard, ranging from completely useless and counter-productive at best to something that has proven to be actively hazardous to my mental, emotional AND physical health time and time and time and time and time and time and time and time and time and time and time and time and time again. And YET,
#mani tag#i do really love the fact that i have a name and a face to put to this phenomenon now. thank you autism 🫡#and i think it only works the way it does because mani isn't really to blame. actually.#mani is a reflection. a reflex. a reaction.#but also it really helps to just. imagine grabbing it like that cat that knocked down all the potted plants (YOU.)#like i think this is a form of therapy. but also if you asked me to make up a guy on the spot to work through my feelings#i would get mad at you for thinking that i could do that. so easily. that it wouldn't require YEARS of lore building#fueled by the power of my special interest. i would get mad at it being too one-note and i would blow you up with my mind.#anyways here specifically i'm talking about autistic masking (what i mean when i say 'invent a persona' about it)#mani is THE KING. OF INVENTING PERSONAS. which has caused many problems but i digress#moe found dead family guy pose in a shallow ditch in askr. as usual
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Csm thoughts,,
#Putting these in tags cuz they're rather negative and like this people can ignore this if it shows up on search#anyways today i was showering and had a realization that like#if csm part 2 didn't exist and the manga had ended in chapter 97 i really wouldn't mind that. like at all#because so far there hasn't been anything in part 2 that stuck to me in such a way that i would be upset or miss it if it didn't exist#be it arcs world building (not big on religious allegories. that prophecy stuff really doesn't intrest me at all) or characters#in fact if it did end on the publig safety saga i probably would have liked it better#because then it would have ended and that's it. because part 2 exists i can see the story move foward#with the absence of almost everyone from part 1 and i just. miss them#so reading part 2 in general makes me inherently a little sad#and i feel like that's what blocks me from enjoying it or even growing to care for the new characters from part 2#because i don't care for any of them that much. not even asa and yoru#and this isn't me being mad at the story for killing people off. i think all deaths in part 1 happened exactly where they needed to#and the story is beautifully crafted. i just genuinely miss them#and see denji staggering about looking so tired all the time barely looking like the same guy from part one due to everything that happened#that also makes me fell just. like this pain in my chest that i can't even explain well#i don't dislike part 2 i don't think it's bad#it's just not for me and i don't think that will change anytime soon#tho i will still look up the new chapters because i wanna see what happens. tho if there ever is a part 3 i doubt i will bother reading it#hyena ramblings#rant? i guess?
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I am holding myself together by a fucking thread and I just want it to break so i can get a break.
#i want to not be the fall guy for literally everything. i want some fucking nuance and to not be blamed for other people's actions#as well as my own. it's fucked up that im being told that it's both my fault for how i treated other people (valid and true)#and also being told that it's my fault for letting other people treat me the way they did and that i'm responsible for their actions too#just. so. tired.#just so tired. so. so. tired.#and people will see this and get mad at me and then that's my responsibility too#i want my animals to be okay#i want to be able to make rent and not owe my friends and family money#i dont know where im going to live in two months#i just want someone to care about me for me and not for what they think i should be#as if i am wrong or broken the way i am#why is forgiveness and understanding afforded to other people#while all i get is blame. always blame. it's my fault. i should have known better. the way i think or feel is narcissistic and fucked up.#over and over and over.#i dont want to leave my bunnies#my therapist does a lot of testing for autism and suggested i get tested myself#which i balked at initially because. idk. i don't... really like putting myself in boxes#but i brought it up with her this week and she gave me a referral to some places.#i dunno. maybe i'm desperately looking for something that people will actually take seriously#rather than telling me having adhd isn't an excuse for me to not be able to converse like a normal perspn#and that i can't have accommodations because 'that's how life is and it's not fair to everyone else to make exceptions for me'#the things i do for people i care about go unnoticed or get taken for granted#and i spend my whole life living to make other people happy/comfortable and compromise myself for it#and then when i advocate for myself i am being selfish and 'not everything is about you'. and just a complete rewriting of the things i do#i'm so tired. i'm lonely. i don't feel like im allowed to try and make new friends or reconnect with old ones#i should be posting this on my sideblog#fucking overwhelmed. the world is hopeless and im just going through the motions and keeping it all in because my feelings are inconvenient
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My older sister gave me some really good advice when I was first learning how to drive and would feel stressed or anxious when I'm driving slower than someone behind me on a one-lane street, or when there's someone waiting on me to make a right turn:
Nobody can make you do anything when you're in a car. They can get impatient or annoyed or even honk at you, but the chances of them getting out and berating you is slim to none. And even then, they can't make you move until you feel safe and ready to.
So for anyone with social anxiety who feels awful whenever they're "underperforming" on the road and holding other people up: your safety matters more than their convenience. If you don't feel safe or comfortable, you are not obligated to put your car into motion, even when pressured. You are not being selfish, you are being responsible. If you can easily get out of the way of others, do so. If you can't, fuck them for honking at you for driving at a safe speed, or making sure there's no oncoming traffic before merging or turning right.
I am BEGGING younger drivers. drive carefully. give yourself room. for fuck's sake use your turn signals and don't fucking weave thru traffic. this is not a video game, this is real life and if you get into an accident, you could get killed or kill someone else VERY easily
#reblog#delete later#this is coming from someone who genuinely really really enjoys driving#but even 2 years after the fact i still get “i need to be the best driver on this 8 lane highway” feelings#i feel bad when someone honks at me or gives me a “wtf” look#but then i remind myself that either they're mad at me for wanting to keep myself and other safe#or i made a mistake but nobody got hurt. and they're reacting in a way to make me feel bad about myself#either way their reaction shouldn't have any emotional weight on me because neither reasons for reacting that way is valid#driving isn't a race. do it at your own pace. stay out of others way if you can but if you can't just#know that you are keeping yourself safe. their temporary annoyance at you does not outweigh the potential consequences#of putting yourself in danger for the sake of others#last bit of advice from Guy With ADHD Who Somehow Loves Driving#If you find yourself in a tough spot don't panic#like fucking up a parallel park job. or accidentally turning into a lane going the opposite direction#You are in FAR more control of this vehicle than you think in that moment#There are ways to get out of sticky situations. So relax. You can get out of this#if you're going in reverse/backing up. make sure you know what direction/angle your car will be turning before you begin moving#double check which pedal is gas or brake too. if you're feeling panicky it can be a little easy to mix up the two
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kept finding our thermostat set to fucking 66°F, resetting it to 70° because what the fuck it's 20° outside, and then... found it set to 65°
this has been going on for like three weeks so finally decided to text housemate group chat and be like "hey so can we figure out a temperature that we can all agree on"
me and third housemate: prefer 70°-72°F and have been setting the thermostat as such
second housemate: is the one setting it to 66°F and, whenever it's set higher, is apparently opening her room windows in 20° weather because 70° is too warm and has not mentioned this to us, somehow
me and third housemate: ...okay we can deal with 68°
me, today, in my room, hands Absolutely Fucking Freezing, shivering, desperately wanting just one more degree of heat: ...maybe I should have let the thermostat wars continue to rage
anyway. evolution why the fuck did you make humans Like This
#my room back home is CONSTANTLY frigid in the winter (bad insulation) and I was very much looking forward to being warm enough ;-;#but also: don't want third housemate to be overheating either#what is extra frustrating though is that the cold makes it hard as fuck for me to get anything done. I Will Not Move Around#and also discovering the extra joy of Cold Fucks With Joints So Much this year#but just. WHO THE FUCK THINKS 66°F IS COMFORTABLE#I know some heavier folks and guys do! but roomie is Not That#WHO. HOW. HOOOW. BIOLOGY HOW.#I'm not mad at her I'm just baffled at why the fuck humans are like this#for the record this is why compromises suck: nobody comes out of it happy. in comm class this is something we talk about#it's called satisficing and inevitably in the long term it rarely works out. the problem is situations where coming to a mutually agreeable#solution isn't really... super possible#and I suspect thermostat settings are probably among them#ugh anyway I guess I need to go find a hoodie.#before anyone suggests a space heater in either scenario: I'D LOVE ONE. my parents refuse bc they consider them a fire risk.#theoretically I could get one here but I suspect that would just get me the 'well bundle up then' treatment (again)#my apartment? yes. would my parents still freak the fuck out? PROBABLY.#aaaanyway#synapse talks#synapse rants
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Idk I just have no patience for trans men/masculine people who refuse to acknowledge transmisogyny. Like. The worst experience I ever had with transphobia was when I was mistaken for a trans women. In a culinary program, I was cutting bell peppers, and one of the other students, a really big dude in a student leadership position, walks in and accusatory goes "so are you trying to be a woman, or something?" And I'm like. Well I'm trying to small dice these peppers. And I tell him I'm not a she and he says something to the effect of "Yeah I know that much." He makes some comment abt how whatever I'm doing doesn't make sense and he doesn't get it and when I tell him he doesn't have to, that he just has to respect it, he says "I don't have to do shit!" And gets real mad! Like actual threats mad! Tells me he could bash my skull in and to meet him outside for a fight and yeah it was fucking scary! The entire interaction I'm reminding myself that I'm the one currently holding a knife, if he tries anything.
Fast forward a few days later and my period is kicking my ass. Just absolutely destroying me. I'm in the dish pit, and I am visibly struggling, I'm nauseous, I'm in pain and bracing myself against walls. I'm not walking straight. And the same student leadership guy who was so aggressive with me when he thought I was transfem?
He tells me I look like I'm going to pass out. He says it's obvious I'm in pain, I shouldn't be in class, I can go sit down and if nobody can replace me he'll do the dishes himself.
Like. Do you get it yet. It's not just that he felt comfortable openly threatening me in a room full of other people when he thought I was a trans woman. It's that he did a complete 180 and was not only willing to support me, but actually pick up my slack once he knew I wasn't "that kind" of transgender. As soon as one of our classmates confirmed to him that I wasn't the wrong type of trans person I suddenly became someone who actually deserved care and compassion in his eyes. The "bigots think we're all the same and hate all of is equally" rhetoric isn't fucking true. It's just peddled to deny the privilege we have over other members of our community so it's easier to ignore how inhospitable supposedly trans-centric spaces are for TMA people.
#transmisogyny#everyone says solidarity but actual solidarity requires acknowledging intercommunity issues. A lot of you would rather die it seems
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What I loved about the Substance was that it took impossible body standards imposed on women seriously. It didn't treat me like a kid throwing a temper tantrum about not being sexy. It didn't try to tell me "everyone is beautiful" and "every body is a beach body" in a pitiable voice that makes it all worse. There's no one singing to me about how "I cannot see my own beauty", as if validation from men will ever be enough to cover the black hole in my stomach drilled by years of self-loathing, binging-purging cycles and appetite-suppression pills. It haven't stopped for a second to congratulate itself for platitudes.
The substance threw an ice bucket on my head, grabbed me by the shoulders, dragged me to the mirror and told me "look at what violence you're inflicting on yourself!". It showed me a perfect body, the carrot on the stick, and then it hit it with a sledgehammer in white neon light. Is it worth it? Aren't you mad? Look at how he eats shrimp and doesn't wash his hands - is this the person you want to be liked by? Is this what you deserve for being human, really?
I've seen this movie on Friday and it's been stuck in my head ever since. I haven't looked in the mirror the same again. Somehow this made me kinder to myself.
I've seen reviewers say that this movie counts as "male gaze" and "violence against women" but I think they don't see the forest from the trees here.
First the male gaze: it felt like a deconstruction, in the best way. Sue's butt was the least erotic thing ever put to screen. The soft porn dance studio was shot in a lifeless manner, I felt like my mom was reading the browse history. Personally, I'd never want to have Sue's job. Even the sexist dudes that watch the movie seem to "get it", that their overly sexual media diet looks embarassing under the microscope. The medium is the message, and the sound and visual cues are all there to make sex appeal look very unappealing and immature. There's nothing sexy in "Pump it up", it's catchy and fun and has sexual undertones, but not a hint of sensuality.
Then the violence against women: there is only one scene where a man attacks a woman, and I'll not spoil it, but i'll say it's so bizzare it feels too cartoony to count. The rest of the violence is all self-inflicted. Every step of the way. Women don't just suffer abuse under patriarchy from men, they self-inflict and reenforce the structures of their own suffering onto others. Elizabeth is a fitness coach actively making bank off of other women's fears, and in the process of telling everyone over x kg to skip lunch she's grown her own self-loathing too. It wasn't really the horny men watching the fitness show, isn't it? Sue is even worse, she goes on talk shows to tell women her looks come from being kind, a silly statement considering she injects herself daily with an old woman's spine liquid while loathing her for existing. Elizabeth and Sue are both victims and perpetuators of violence, and it's gruesome because it's not a silly feminine thing, it's all-encompassing and a matter of life and death. Without violence, what would be the message of the movie? "It kinda sucks to be a woman hating your body". Doesn't sting, isn't it? This is not chopping women and putting them in refrigerators to give the good guy a reason to kill the baddie, this has to be violent to show the depth of pain of the protagonist. It's necessary. And I like it, because crying and wallowing in pain is not the behaviour you want to see on screens, it feels lethargic and leads to the problem not being taken as seriously.
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people mention the manga panel but we got the scene in the anime too (only difference is that he didn't mention anytbing abt singing)
it still makes me wonder did the guy actually sing or did he use his powers... interesting to think about
still need a fic of this
HOLD ON HOLD ON
KUSUO CANONICALLY HAS A PERFECT SINGING VOICE
DO YOU KNOW
DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY FICS I CAN SPAWN FROM THIS
#still never gonna shut up abt this#still need a fic abt this#lol#the fact that he's good in the first place drives me insane#i remember in like chap90/the actual karaoke chapter he said that he didn't want to be the center of attention#but i mean here he's obviously alone and casually does really well#. Does he like singing when he's alone ?????#driving me mad im gonna think abt this all night. bye#saiki k#tdlosk#the disastrous life of saiki k.#saiki kusuo#saiki kusuo the guy you are#the fact that he just casually nonchalantly gets 100 points perfect score better than the perfect pretty girl school goddess herself#and basically treats it like it isn't a big deal at all is crazy to me#LOOK AT THE FUCKING. AMAZING 100 POINTS IN THE CENTER OF THE PANEL#That's ??? That's a big deal ??? Clearly ???#Just. casual perfect score i see you#Like did he use his powers ?????#I mean he's Alone so i'd assume Not but he's still close to the room where teruhashi imu yumehara ans the randos are#and he stated in the chap and episode that he could hear them from there#so obviously if bro actually Sang they. they could've heard him#right ???#qm i reading too much into a small manga panel that never gets mentioned again? maybe#Interesting to think about actually#especially after listeninf to duet shite kudasai#where he uses hypnosis to make teruhashi and aiura THINK hes singing#but he actually Isn't (and this is reflected in the song itself because for saiki's “singing” it's psychic lover and not his va)#funnily enough his va is literally a singer lawl#I'm gonna come to the conclusion that we were robbed
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I came across the AU idea that Dick Grayson is Richard Parker, and thus, Peter Parker's biological father. There are a few fics where Peter dimension travels to the DC universe and gets to meet his dead father. It is a fun idea, but I have different one.
AU where Peter dimension travels to the DC universe, and the batfam realizes that he is Dick's son, but rather than think he is from another universe, they all come to the conclusion that he is from the future.
It makes sense, after all, the rules of time travel basically boil down to 'don't change anything.' So when Peter is avoiding them and "pretending" not to know them, they just think he is following the rules. (He isn't even really avoiding them, he just has no idea who they are.)
You know how once you have an idea in your head, it take a lot of convince you that your wrong? Same idea here, they are so convinced of their idea that all new info ends up making them surer. Confirmation bias.
So Peter is trying to find a way home while the batfam tries to subtly help him without getting involved in time travel. Hijinks ensue.
Peter once mentions his love of photography and how he used to take pictures of heroes for a newspaper. Everyone looks at Tim and thinks, 'Gee I wonder where he picked up that hobby.'
At one point Peter pulls an assassin move, and Damian is like, 'I taught him that for sure.' (In reality Peter just trained with Natasha and Bucky before.)
When dealing with some issue Peter says something like, "I know a guy with some green angry problems and he taught me a lot about staying calm when mad." Everyone looks at Jason??? (He just picked up some meditation advice from Bruce Banner)
At some point he goes to the manor and everyone is like, 'Hah! More proof! He knows his way around the building!' He doesn't know his way around, his spider sense just lead him to where people are and kept him from getting lost.
He mentions Black Cat once, and everyone comes to the "totally logical" conclusion that Catwoman had a daughter, and that Peter and Felicia also have a weird almost dating thing going on.
Peter has been forced to go to some fancy events with Tony before so he knows how to act at rich people galas, which of course just adds fuel to the time travel theory.
Peter keeps accidentally referencing things that don't exist/didn't happen. Everyone just assumes these things didn't happen/don't exist yet.
#peter parker#dick grayson#batfam#batman#spiderman#dc#dc comics#marvel#dc marvel crossover#marvel x dc#dc x marvel#tim drake#damian wayne#jason todd#dc au#How does this end? Idk I guess Peter goes home and everyone is sad to see him go. But at least he got to met his dad#Peter Parker in Gotham
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#gonna rant here a bit abt nothing much but just because I have no one to talk about it with#i kinda like this guy and honestly. its not that big of a deal. but i do think he might like someone else and i have no idea who and its#making me a bit insane. Like. im not too bothered by it bc i think of it more as a whim than anything else. and im not going to cry if he#doesn't like me back. Like. im 18 dude I have no business in worrying too deeply aboyt those sorts of things yk? but i do miss the feeling#of someone liking me back. I do feel like I haven't gotten that in a while and it does make me a bit sad. Yk the whole 'what is so-#inherently unlikeable about me' sorta thing. Should I keep waiting or should I do something or what. like. what do I do. Im trying to stay#focused on uni and my professional future but I cant help thinking about all these other things#I feel like its the being a young adult of it all. that if I wasnt maybe I wouldnt be thinking about it too hard. I already have so much on#my plate as it is. I cant focus on everything and I feel like I cant focus on anything anyway#I thought I was a bad person for thinking about making a move when I had JUST found out that he had broken up w his gf just a couple of#weeks prior to me finding out. but apparently for him it was a long time coming. And now he's completely moved on and likes someone else#and its driving me mad not knowing who it is. Because I also cant fathom the possibility of it being me. I really cant. And its gonna sound#so stupid and superficial but god. he has so many pretty girls in his life and Im just here. Im just me. How could it be me.#when it never is#like I said. its dumb. and im overthinking it but I cant help it. I dont even think I want an actual relationship or anything. but I do#want to be selfish about it. I want it to be me#And I feel terrible because I know this isn't about him. its about wanting someone to like me. and he doesn't deserve that.#I dont know what to do
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