#and like i’ve just been feeling super meh for months now

[butteredfrogs]

vent in tags don’t mind me

[insertyourselfhere]

Body Swap Part 3

AN: Sorry for taking so damn long, there's a bit of a gap here in the story as it doesn't follow their whole journey, just because its almost filler like if I want to later ill do some in-between bits as one shots but I know we want to actually see Gwen and Y/N Interacting so I'm trying to get us to that point which I did! Also the timing in this fic from ITSV and ATSV are off but meh.

Description: It was starting to get tedious now, it had been a few months at least of you swapping with Gwen, being able to talk to her in your mind and nothing else developing. You and Gwen had tried on a number of occasions to work out what your existential crisis was that was stopping you both from moving on with your lives. Gwen had told you her tragic story and you had told her yours, about your parents, your uncle, even your Aunt was involved trying to help both of you out. It was hard to admit at first but you had grown some sort of feelings towards the girl, its hard not too when she’s in your head almost all the time. Thankfully you hadn’t thought that out loud to her just yet but there had been a couple times that you were almost caught slipping. You’ve had to lie a few times saying its about a girl in your dimension but played it off and changed the subject. Everything was continuing like normal, or so you thought.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It was the day before you guys swapped bodies on your usual rotation, you laid in bed ready for the next day to come when you swapped over with Gwen. You reflected a little about what you and Gwen had been talking about, what has happened over the last few months and there were no changes. You rolled onto your back staring at your ceiling.

‘Can’t sleep?’ You heard in the back of your mind, seems like you weren’t the only one.

‘Not really I’m just confused’

‘Same’ She said softly.

‘Okay well how about this, lets kill the time, I know all about the tragic backstory that is Gwen Stacy and I know I’ve lived as you as well but in your own words tell me about you. What makes you tick, what are your favorite things to do’

(A/N: This might get a little OC here cause Ive never read any of the Gwen Stacy comics so I don’t know much about actual Gwen so this will be just from what I think she would like)

‘Okay sure lets do that! At a super young age I did gymnastics, dad taught me and got me involved when I was 4, I also was heavily involved in ballet too. I always wanted to be a ballerina when I was growing up but who didn’t at such a young age’

‘I still want to be a ballerina those moves you can pull off are out of this world’ You said and you heard her chuckle.

‘I guess it goes with my fighting style though I would love to teach you one day’ She said, you smiled at those words hoping they would come true.

‘Please do, if that means I get to actually see you and not me you, you get me?’ She laughed again and you wouldn’t get sick of hearing that ever.

‘So because I started growing up, managed to get some teen angst going I wanted to do something different, my whole attitude on life changed, I got these powers, I didn’t know how to deal with all this added pressure so I joined a band’

‘Ah yes the Mary Janes! I was wondering how that came about, you just needed a distraction’ You asked knowing full well what that meant, that’s why you joined the football team, You needed a distraction yourself.

‘Yeah actually, I was struggling with who I was, being Spider-Woman and Gwen Stacy’

‘It is a lot of pressure but I can tell you with all my heart that you are killing it’

‘Thanks Y/N I needed to hear that’ The line went quiet and you could feel yourself slowing starting to fall asleep.

‘Hey I got a spider emergency! I gotta go but get some rest okay’

‘Be safe Gwen, Don’t rough them up too much’ She chuckled and it went dead silent.

You managed to stay awake for a couple minutes before Your eye lids grew heavy and you succumb to sleep.

The next morning you woke up only to notice you were still in your bed. You woke up startled throwing your legs off your bed and walking towards your bedroom door opening it and looking at your Aunt.

“Morning Gwen” She said so used to this charade you 2 had, you gulped knowing it was the next day, you saw the date on your phone and looked back at your Aunt.

“Not Gwen” You said and her head shot up. It has been more than 6 months at this point that you had started swapping with Gwen, nothing seemed to stop it, nothing seemed to hint towards it ever slowing down and then one day it just stopped.

“Not Gwen?” She asked walking towards you with her hand out, you grabbed it nodding saying it was you and you didn’t know how to feel.

“Amazing it’s finally stopped! Now you can go back to living your normal spidey life” She said with a little hooray and then a sip of her drink, Your Aunt turned around towards the kitchen table where you could see a 2nd coffee cup laid out.

She picked it up ready to pour out the drink and you could see her hand shaking, you quickly ran over to her to help with the cup and she let out a small sob.

“I am so happy for you that you don’t have to go through this anymore but she was around so often it’s like she was apart of our little family you know” You slowly shook your head and hugged your aunt.

“I’m not happy” You said quietly in your Aunts shoulder, you both pulled away and you had small tears in your eyes. “Neither am I” She finally admitted to you. You slumped in the chair in the kitchen and looked at your Aunt. You were devastated. “Have your little telepathic abilities stopped working too?” You shrugged your shoulders but focused on trying to reach out to her.

‘Gwen can you hear me?’ You asked, your face concentrating to push your sub consciousness out there hoping to get a response. After a few minutes of silence nothing came back. You stood up with a frustrating sigh and leaned over the kitchen counter.

“Nothing?” Your aunt asked rubbing your back, you shook your head. You didn’t know what else to do, you couldn’t even think straight, your alarm started going off symbolising you had to go to school but you just didn’t have the heart to get up. It’s almost like you had genuinely lost a part of yourself, it had felt very unfinished.

“We are taking the rest of the day off today, you and me I think we need this…”

“What if something happened?” You ask out loud cutting off your aunt. “What if something’s happened and she needs me?” You said looking at your aunt.

“There’s nothing you can….”

“Don’t finish that sentence, there’s something I can do I am a Spider, I have all these powers I have to be able to do something” Your aunt could see the hurt in your eyes, the panic, every emotion flashing through you all at once worried that the absolute worst thing happened.

“Y/N look, I don’t understand your situation at all, I honestly couldn’t think of anyone in the entire world could really to relate to your feelings but all I can tell you is that Gwen is one of the toughest girls I have ever met. She is fine, maybe you figured out whatever the universe was telling you or your no longer needed to heal her very broken heart.” You Aunt said smiling softly.

“But mines broken now…” You said quietly. Your aunt gave you a look and you shuffled your feet. “Okay she’s fine, we did what we needed to do, whatever that was and she’s safe in her dimension.” Your aunt nodded and you smiled a little.

“I’m gunna get ready and go to school. Just to distract myself a bit today” You said, your aunt nodded. “I will be mourning the loss of a daughter so I’ll be here quietly sobbing over the cup I bought her” You giggled a little knowing your aunt was joking but only a tiny bit, you could see she was just as hurt as well so you hugged her again.

“She’s fine, she doesn’t need us anymore we fixed her broken heart” You both smiled and walked away doing your own things. You headed to school getting ready for your first class pulling out the books you needed. You saw the drawings, pictures, difference in handwriting even in all your books and smiled. As you went through wondering from class to class you failed to notice an unwanted guest appear out of nowhere.

As you were heading towards gym you heard commotion coming from some other students. “quick everybody evacuate theres a guy in a rhino suit running rampant around the school!” As students began to pile out of the gym and into the hallways running towards safety you ran around a corner and did the opposite trying to find your stashed suit. You ran into the bathroom, lift up one of the tiles on the roof and promptly changed into your suit.

“A man in a Rhino suit? We don’t have that here we have a lady who’s half rhino half human.” You managed to find all the commotion and saw a couple of kids in the way.

“Quick get out of here!”

“Spidey thank you!” They all ran out, you could feel the building shaking and hear walls crumbling.

“Hello tiny spider” He said as he walked around the corner, and sure enough it was a big buff dude in a rhino suit.

“Look I don’t know what your doing here, but I need to get to gym and your in my way” You got into your signature pose.

“Get out of the way tiny spider, I need to go home!” You looked confused for a split second but immediately knew what the issue was. ‘He’s not from this dimension, Im gunna have to lock him up tight and stop him from hurting anyone’ You thought quietly to yourself. A tiny part of you was hoping you would hear Gwen voice in your head again but it was no where to be found. Rhino charged towards you, without missing a beat you punched him clean in the jaw and he was knocked out cold.

“Wow that was….NO don’t say that, it never works out well when you put things like that into the universe.” You webbed up Rhino and dragged him outside, as you got outside a hexagon shaped portal opened up in front of you, you let go of Rhino and folded your arms only to be met with a lady who had a motorbike and an afro.

“Oh hello! You must be the Spider of this dimension” You unfolded your arms feeling the tingle as soon as you saw her.

“I am! The names Y/N” She walked up and shook your hand. “Nice to meet you Im Jessica Drew, I see you caught the guy I’m here for, relatively easy it seems to” You gave a modest look but shrugged your shoulders.

“It was nothing” You said with a small smile under your mask.

“Look, Miguel is totally going to hate me but I think you should come with me” She said gesturing to the portal behind her, you looked in and saw nothing but a tube looking thing.

“In there? That looks like death?” You said pointing at the portal. “I promise it’s not, I’ll explain once we get there but I think you should come with me” She said, you shook your head knowing you shouldn’t follow strangers into very suspicious portals but all that was going through your head was Gwen.

“This might be my only chance to find her” You said out loud. “Find who?” She asked and you coughed and walked into the portal not realising you were talking out loud. As soon as you stepped in you were teleported to a new world.

Once you landed Jessica following behind you, your face dropped, you took your mask off staring at the Nueva York. It was so futuristic and chrome, very shiny, everything was shiny it was burning your retina’s.

“Come on I want you to come meet Miguel” You follow Jessica until you came to a high tech room in a dark looking alley. He even looked like a bad guy, his aura oozed “I am a villain” but even you were slightly jealous of his gym regime whatever it was cause dude looked good.

“Jessica what did you do?” You blocked out their argument taking in the sights and sounds around you. They started bickering and you felt a little awkward to be standing there, it was like you were a child getting scolded from your parents for ditching school.

“Look they’re here and I know Y/N will do a fantastic job, plus with the large amount of animalities running around thanks to 1610 we need all the help we can get”

“We have over 1500 different peters you think this other variant will help out”

“They’re a lot stronger than most of the others Peter’s surprisingly took down Rhino with a swift punch”

Your feet shuffled and you looked down taking in the compliments Jessica was throwing your way. Miguel looked at you and threw up his hands.

“Whatever, kid heres your watch go hang around I’ll call you if I need anything” Jessica smiled and you looked at the watch in your hand, you put it on and started walking out hearing Jessica and Miguel start up again.

You made your way out and went to sit at the top of the tower which seemed to be everyone’s favourite spot it seems. You met a couple of the other Spider, a few peter parkers…a lot of peter parkers actually, your favourite though had to be the T-rex running around.

Your world was 1405 as deemed by the I guess lords of the multi-verse, you weren’t too sure how it worked but you kinda just rolled with it, you wanted to make sure Gwen was okay but deep down you knew she was, for now you would go about your business and hopefully save some other worlds, who can put that on their resume.

“Alright Y/N ready for your first mission” You looked at your watch and saw Jessica on the other end of it.

“As ready as I’ll ever be” you said holding the watch up.

“Alright this one’s easy so I’ll be going with you but mostly to observe” She said with a small smile, you nodded your head and typed in the co-ordinates she sent you.

15 minutes later

You and Jessica were standing next to each other back in the Spider Society, you had your web wrapped around the prisoner and she stood next to you with the biggest surprise look on her face.

“Okay that was very quick, you are very efficient” She said and you just stood there nodding holding onto your villain. He started to groan and you knocked him out again with a swift punch.

“Alright well um go hang around, catch more sights and I’ll get back to you with another mission” You could tell she was still stunned, she didn’t really know what to do but walked away with your prisoner attached. You made your way back up to the top of the building again however instead of sitting you made the rounds, getting to know other people and know who all the different Spiders you could. After a couple hours of wondering around, getting lost and meeting MORE people you finally got another call but it wasn’t from Jessica. It was from Miguel’s Ai friend LYLA.

“Hey could you go help Miguel over on world 65 please” You were shocked at first to hear that you were going to help Miguel but You didn’t even hesitate you immediately input that number and jumped straight into the portal. As you exited the portal you went straight towards the parchment vulture in front of you and punched him square in the jaw.

“Nice!” You said, Miguel got up from his rubble and walked over to you, “Good punch rook alright lets take this guy down” You got your fist’s ready to fight with Miguel not taking in your surroundings fully (You should really work on this btw) when a quiet familiar voice hit your ears.

“Y/N” Your head whipped around so quickly but before you could say anything vulture had punched you right back sending you into a pillar.

“That wasn’t nice, okay rook new plan” Miguel said as he shot you with one of his webs and flung you towards vulture, you managed to clock him again but this time he was ready, he grabbed your arm and readied one of his wings, but before he sliced you with it you saw a web holding it back and Gwen had kicked him in the back of his head causing him to go crashing in the ground.

“Your moves are so much better when you do it” You said towards Gwen, she gave you a quick fist bump and you both propelled down.

“Do you 2 know each other” Miguel said pointing at both of you “It’s a long story we’ll explain later but right now he needs to go back” You said pointing at vulture.

“So whats this guys deal anyway” Gwen said asking you, you managed to talk while fighting and dodging all the vultures attacks.

“Well he’s made of parchment so you can assume he doesn’t belong here.” Gwen rolled her eyes “I gathered that much this isn’t my first run in with the multi-verse” She said kicking a few rocks towards the vulture who dodged all but 1.

“This isn’t your first run in?�� You asked, she gave you a look and you nodded your head. “Oh right yes us” She webbed towards the vulture holding his wings down and punched him again, he broke free clambering up the pillar up into the night sky, Miguel went after him attacking him leaving you and Gwen alone.

“So crazy that we didn’t swap bodies right?” You said looking at her. “I actually have an excuse for that” She said and you looked at her intently.

“The night before we usually swap I was out fighting one of my villains when a portal opened up and sucked me in, I was blown into another dimension that had this really cool Spider-Man named Miles” You looked shocked, so because she wasn’t in her universe you couldn’t swap. Makes sense.

“I’ll tell you the rest of the story later” she said as she webbed away, you looked up to see a helicopter flying down towards you, both Miguel and Gwen had managed to get their webs under it to slow it down you jumped on a rock that was sticking up and stood waiting for the impact of the helicopter when its nose reached the palm of your hands you used your strength to push against it and put a stop to it. Everyone started cheering, Miguel grabbed vulture and you were both getting ready to leave, you wanted Gwen to come with so you asked Miguel to wait. When you looked up though you couldn’t see her anymore but you could hear shouting.

 “She needs to come with us she’d be an asset to the team” You said to Miguel, he looked at you and grunted before jumping up there, you followed after him witnessing Miguel throwing one of his barriers on the ground and tying up George Stacy. You walked over to Gwen who looked frightened and grabbed her shoulders gently.

Miguel opened a portal and threw vulture in it, he turned around to you and Gwen and asked. “So what’s it going to be kid?” He said, she nodded, Miguel gave her a watch and jumped in the portal. You followed after him but looked back at Gwen and George, your heart breaking for both of them.

As soon as both you and Gwen got back to universe 928 she let out a big sigh of relief and her legs collapsed under her. She was on the verge of tears but you could see that she was fighting the urge to let them fall.

“Hey” You said.

“Hey yourself” She said wiping away her tears, you couldn’t believe that you had managed to find her. You were so relieved but you could see all the mending you guys had down over the last few months was slowly starting to break all because her dad found out who she was.

She pulled off her mask and you saw half her head was shaved.

“Whoa! That’s new!” You said looking at her new haircut, she looked at it and rolled her eyes.

“It’s a long story but I had to shave it”

“I like it, it suits you” You said looking at her hair, she tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and looked away, she coughed and turn back to you.

“Thank you, I think we owe each other an explanation” She said trying to change the subject, but you being dense didn’t notice.

“Y/N Show the newbie around Ill put our prisoner away, you owe me an explanation for how you 2 know each other by the way.” He started walking away and you looked back at Gwen.

“Come follow me Ill introduce you to everyone!” You grabbed Gwen’s hand and pulled her towards everyone.

“Hey Y/N!” You walked pass a group of Peters and waved towards them. “Hey Peter this is Gwen!” They all waved and went back into their groups.

“Wow there sure a lot of Peter’s”

“Yeah Peter seems to be the most common canon, there are a very rare amount of us that aren’t Peters but I guess there’s almost an infinite amount of universes so there’s infinite possibilities” you replied looking back at Gwen who was taking everything in

“This place is so big” she said in awe watching all the other spiders running around

“This is the lobby” You replied whispering in her ear.

“Your kidding” She said turning back to you with her eyes wide.

“Not even in the slightest, here Ill show you where I like to hang out!”

You took her to the tallest building and hung out at the top looking down at Nueva York. You didn’t know how you felt about the whole situation but was surprised about how the whole situation went down, you had a crazy 48 hours that’s for sure. Shoot you didn’t check in with your Aunt. You both sat down over the edge of the tower, she looked down at her watch and then looked back at you.

“I guess I owe you an explanation it seems” You looked back at her and then back to the view.

“Nah, you’re safe that’s all I care about” You said looking away, she smiled and hit your shoulder gently.

“I’m so happy I can finally do that as me and not looking at you in the mirror” She said looking out towards the skyline again, she tucked her leg up towards her face and leant on it.

“It’s weird, I’ve seen you so much the past few months but not like this, its nice” You replied smiling.

“I know you said I don’t owe you an explanation but I have to tell you what happened it was crazy!” You folded your legs and shuffled so you were looking at Gwen as she told you all about her trip to 1610. She told you about Miles, about how what happened to her hair, you couldn’t help but laugh at that part knowing full well how hard it was to control your powers when you first got them.

She told you about Peter B Parker, Penni, Spider-Ham and Spider-Noir, You could see how happy she was about her little band of misfits. Maybe you and your Aunt had managed to heal her enough that she let herself open to gain other friends.

She told you about the collider, how Miles came through and gained the ability to somewhat control his powers, she showed you a photo of him on her phone and she was smiling.

“Gwen that sounds like a long week you had” She giggled and then an idea formed.

“Hey can we take a photo” You looked shocked but you nodded. You got ready but she leaned into your side and smiled, you followed suit as she took the picture.

“Thank you” She said looking down at her phone “So what happened to you” You laughed and looked ack at her “Oh nothing, an anomaly came through while I was at school, I knocked him out, Jessica saw my potential and I got recruited. That’s about it” She laughed hearing how easy your time was compared to hers.

“Y/N, Gwen theres a couple of people I need you to come meet” Miguel said over the watch, you both got up and headed towards his Spider-Cave, his fortress off Spidertude, his lair? And were met with what seems like a familiar face to gwen but someone knew.

“Y/N This is Hobie Brown! You’ll be working with him in the upcoming missions. This Spider over here is Peter B Parker” You saw Gwen hugging the other Peter who was surprised to see him so soon.

“Gwen when did you get here!”

“Today actually Y/N came and helped me”

“Is this the famous Y/N I’ve heard so much about hey! The one you’ve been swapping bodies with” You looked shocked that Gwen told someone that and she was blushing furiously.

“Shut it Parker” He laughed and swung towards you.

“Nice to meet you buddy I’m Peter”

“Y/N” You said shaking his hand, You shook a little too hard and he winced.

“Strong grip I like it, you were right they are very…” Before Peter could finish what he was saying Gwen webbed his mouth and he glared at her.

“Anyway cute reunion, Gwen you’ll stay here and train with Jessica, Y/N you’ll head out with Hobie, theres a Kraven In the wrong universe I need you guys to go get” You nodded and started walking with Hobie, you looked back and saw Gwen, she gave you a small wave and you waved back. With an extra hop in your step you turned towards Hobie.

“Dude love your hair”

“Thanks its natural”

“How does that fit under your…”

“Hammer Space” He said and you shook it off, you both input the co-ordinates and were off to another dimension.

[fortemelody]

miku expo was legit the best day of my life so i wanna ramble about it

edit: found this in my drafts and wanted to revive it even if this took place like a month ago now lmao

first off i wanna kinda stress something that i honestly might get flamed for

i was in the pit, literally the third row, and around the halfway mark people who didn’t have wristbands on (that you get if you’re in the pit) finagled their way in and no security stopped them. this was like 5 people near me and like 3 more on the opposite side of the chairs. i could barely move cus i was so squished in by them and beforehand i was taking the opportunity to jump and dance becus i was in the aisle becus it was very spacious.

i personally see this as wrong. like i understand the feeling so much of not having good seats becus they are expensive. my bsf’s parents payed for these seats and that was the closest i’ve ever been/probably will ever be at a concert. i am eternally greatful for them. however, if i were at any other concert with my regular nosebleed seats, i would not move up to somewhere where the seats were obviously filled and payed for. people work hard to have the kind of money to spend on good tickets, and i felt like they were stripping away all of that just becus there was some open space and no one from security happen to be watching

i do feel kinda bad becus my friend was complaining a little too loud and vulgarly without a proper confrontation and i was saying things like “yeah” and “real” and i think they eventually kinda heard us but they didn’t do anything in response until i finally asked them nicely to at least step back so i could move around. most of them listened then but one person didn’t.

i want to acknowledge that i probably wasn’t perfect either in a different aspect becus i was legit screaming my head off and i realize now that behavior can definitely be distracting. i forgot that convention idol etiquette very much applies to even a virtual concert because there are others around me that might not appreciate my loudness who aren’t performing, along with the band members (although they prob couldn’t hear me from backstage).

wanted to address my thoughts on the screen too. honestly i still think it’s a weird call (and would make a lot of sense if it was by crunchyroll) and i still think it’s rather cheap but i can at least acknowledge that the visuals were pretty crisp. im assuming it also helped people see it from super far away better. it was definitely not an experience ruiner by any means but it was pretty jarring for the first 10 mins or so.

anyways, on to the good moments. at the end i shouted thank you to the band members when they came out and one of them saw me gave me the heart hands AND IT WAS SO FUCKING SWEET AHHH

i went into this only knowing about 5 songs for the set list and i’m so glad for that becus the suprises kept hitting me. some of the most hyped songs for me were unknown mother goose and fraulen biblioteca. i was so happy they played a wowaka song becus he deserves to be honored in multiple countries. and with fraulen i have a video recording of it where me and my bsf’s convo went like this:

“i can’t believe they did it”

“what?”

“I CANT BELIEVE THEY DID IT”

“ME TOO”

(for context we were debating which songs would get played on the way there and we wanted this one but thought it had a slim chance. also meiko is my fav soooo)

ALSO we didn’t know we got VIP till someone told us (thank you kind stranger). the tote bag is really nice and i’ve gotten a ton of use out of it. and i used the fan in place of a penlight the whole time- idk how it didn’t break. as for the other stuff it was just kinda meh to me.

lastly we got a shit ton of confetti from the cannon and passed some out to people and took a couple for ourselves too. i’m so glad they did that it was a nice touch and it looked so beautiful as it was falling tbh

i think that’s all i gotta say but i might make some fanart to commemorate it later (i just said this same thing in a post a couple days ago and i haven’t even started *that* drawing yet….oopsies).

[that-one-dork]

*stares long and hard at YouTube*

Yeah, nah, fuck this shit I’m out~

TSAMS rant below

Why is TSAMS getting so flat and boring I don’t get it

Only a few months ago it was super exciting and there was stuff going on with Eclipse and Killcode and Sun was losing it with Bloodmoon and it was super cool and I was enjoying it so much and ranted to my family on multiple occasions

Now it’s like… ok? Eclipse isn’t doing much with the star, Killcode and Earth haven’t been in the picture in a bit, there’s just a lot of filler lore and they keep adding new characters and new dimensions and it feels really meh. Sun seems to have snapped back from his trauma after like one therapy session with Earth and hasn’t mentioned anything about Bloodmoon in a while. Definitely falling out of this section of the fandom, haven’t watched the last few lore episodes. From what I’ve heard the Ruin Eclipse or Sun or whoever that’s in the newest episode as of now seems to be like a replacement Bloodmoon, and ehhhhh.

I dunno, I miss how the lore was.

Anyone have thoughts?

[sacrificethemtothesquid]

I had completely forgotten about Picard until one of y’all started putting it back on my dash, and wow thank you so very very much. I’ve had Zero interest in media lately but sat down to season 2 (yes I’m super behind) and the moment Guinan appeared on-screen, my entire childhood bubbled up and it was the most relaxing, comforting thing I’ve done in months. 

I absolutely love seeing the older actors. My birthday was this week (right on the tail of Dad’s deathiversary, which is an unfortunate coincidence I’m going to live with forever) and I’m feeling a little ambivalent about being 36. 35 was amazing - I’d made it, I was alive despite the odds, the world was my oyster. 36 is like...I can feel 40 coming. There’s nothing fundamentally wrong with forty but I’m unemployed with zero career options - thanks bipolar - and even though I’m doing things with my life, I still feel adrift. If I’d been healthy enough to stay with my job, I’d be celebrating 15 years there. Instead, I’ve got a diagnosis that dictates every second of my life, my dad’s gone, the novel won’t quite get off the ground, and the house construction is demanding more energy than I can currently give it.

My life is good. I know that. I do things that are fulfilling. I do a lot of volunteer work with my support group. I’ve got my writing. We’re building a shed. I’m helping my mom navigate her new reality, and supporting Husbandthing as he supports his aging parents. It’s just that in the last month: Husbandthing had cataract surgery that included some scary complications, it was Dad’s deathiversary which really really fucking hurt, some drama happened with my support group that was super-stressful, and we transitioned MIL to hospice. The latter is a positive thing - dementia has no specific timeline, and hospice just means she gets a higher level of care - but as we were talking with the social worker, it was all I could do not to just weep. Dad’s last days were incredibly uncomfortable for him, but we didn’t know they were his last days. We all just thought it was something to work through. He didn’t have palliative care until that last 24 hours. I’m glad MIL now has people around her working with the specific goal of keeping her comfortable, but talking about our plans for her death while she’s sitting there grinding her teeth and picking at Husbandthing’s jacket was...a lot.

Everything just feels very hard lately. I got permission from my pdoc to up my meds and this week the new dose finally kicked in, which is a huge relief. Things will get better. I guess my point to this blather - if I have a point, and am not just yawping from the digital rooftops - is that Star Trek Picard is good. I’m meh about 36, but seeing all my old favorites in their fifties gives me hope.

[totallynotthecrystalskull]

(Kinda Late) Nintendo Direct thoughts (2/8/23)

Teensy bit late on this one due to being at work all day, but I wanted to capture my thoughts on the latest nintendo direct (since we hadn’t had one in months and who knows when the next one is). Go over the highlights, the cool, the meh, and everything that I thought was interesting. Not gonna cover absolutely EVERYTHING, just the things that caught my attention (sorry Samba de Amigo and Fashion Dreamer, I’m sure you’re fun games and all, I just have other things I wanna talk about)Pikmin 4: Looks neat, that’s kinda all I’ve got on it. Visually it’s beautiful for a Switch game, but it’s not a franchise I’ve really cared about, so I’m pretty indifferent on it. Pretty happy for the Pikmin fans though, I know you guys have REAAAALLY been waiting on this one, so good to see it’s finally getting shown off. The dog thing Oatchi feels a little... weird though. Kinda like Pikmin’s version of Poochy or some other example of added dog-like companion getting added to a series, they always feel a little funky when added in my opinion. I dunno though, maybe it fits right in with the rest of Pikmin, I’m not exactly super knowledgeable on the series anyways. Xenoblade Chronicles 3 DLC: That’s neat for Xenoblade fans. I only ever played X on the Wii U, so I don’t have much of a connection to the series, but hope fans of the game are hyped (also, was that Shulk and an older Rex? That was kind of a surprise to see). Who knows though, maybe I’ll try the series out again sometime in the future (probs not though, they seem too big for me) Dead Cells DLC: Ok, with every update this game seems to get, the more tempted I am to get into the game. Actually, why haven’t I gotten it yet?! It looks fun as hell, and it’s got a ton of fun crossovers with Shovel Knight, Katana Zero, Castlevania, and so so so many more games. I Really gotta give it a go at this point. Ghost Trick port: oh HELL yeah, I’ve been wanting to play this one for ages now! The Ace Attorney Trilogy has been a fun way for me to get into those original DS games, and I’m hoping this Ghost Trick port will accomplish the same thing! Bayonetta Origins: It looks ok. That’s about all I’ve got for it. It’s style is pretty different from the other Bayo games which I really like, but this one’s just not really speaking to me as much. Splatoon 3 DLC: Ok, first we’re gonna get Inkopolis as a DLC... Hub? Ok, that’s a bit odd in my opinion. Like, it’ll be nice to revisit Inkopolis after ALL these years, but at the same time it’s like... it’s just a hub... DLC just for an different hub area? Feels kinda... underwhelming I guess? I dunno, just feels like a weird thing to add. As for the Side Order DLC, now THAT ONE’S catching my eyes! More Pearl and Marina, and Splat 2′s hub being completely white and covered in Coral is so mysterious, I love this!! Fire Emblem Engage DLC: I don’t care who you add, I’m not playing this FE Game! Omega Strikers: Honestly, I’ll probs forget about this game in a bit, but I do like the character designs. I dunno, looks fun enough, a neat take on Air Hockey. Might pick it up as a Multiplayer game when I have friends over (ya know, if that ever happens). Etrian Odyssey Collection: Oooooooo, ok, I’m down for this. Only ever played a bit of EOU2: The Fafnir Knight, but the mechanics of it’s dungeon crawling and custom map making was a lot of fun!! Might pick this collection up! Advance Wars 1+2 ReBoot Camp: Hell yeah! I’ve been looking forward to this one ever since it was announced!! It’s also a series I haven’t played before, but it looks so charming and fun, happy it finally has a release date! NSO GameBoy Advanced: Didn’t care much about the GB additions, but the GBA being added?! YEAAAAAH!!! I mean I wish it wasn’t a part of the Expansion pass, but also, YEAAAAAAH!!! I love the sprite work on so many GBA games, and plenty of them I’ve wanted to play myself, so I’m really happy they’re being added (especially both Superstar Saga and The Minish Cap, I fucking love the sprite work in those games so god damn much, AAAAAHHHHH!!!) Metroid Prime Remake: Hell yeah (again)! I’ve always wanted to try the Prime games, so this should be a fun way to get into the series! And available today too?!?! Mario Kart DLC: I’m liking the look of this new course, and getting Birdo in any Mario game is always awesome!! Hoping they’ll add more characters now too since we know that’s not off the table anymore. I’d love Fawful or Starlow to appear in a MK game, but let’s be realistic, that’s not happening Extras: Magalor mode in Kirby seems alright I guess, looks a little forgettable though. That Detective Danganronpa game looks weird. New Fantasy life is neat, first game was enjoyable enough, but I’ll probs pass on this new one. Neat that there’s gonna be a new Professor Layton game. The DecaPolice game looks like it could be fun, but at this point I’m hesitant on any game where you play as cops (though at the same time, it looks to be more Detective than Police, and it’s probs based more on the Japanese police rather than western police. Still hesitant though) And last, but ABSOLUTELY not least

The Legend of Zelda: Tears of the Kingdom: This section’s probably going to get pretty long since I am a huge Zelda fan, but first, let me just say, HOLY SHIT WAS THAT MATTHEW MERCER IN ZELDA!?!?!! FUUUCK YEAAAAH!!! Ok, all of my hype aside though, I am actually a little mixed on him being in it. Not cause there’s anything wrong with Matt’s performance (dude always kills it in his roles!), but because now when I’m playing the game, I’ll just hearing him as Matthew Mercer instead of whoever he’s playing (though, that’s not bad either. Hearing Mercer playing any role is always a very enjoyable experience, dude’s got a magic voice and I love every bit of it). And better yet, was he playing mother-fuckin’ GANONDORF?!?! I mean, he’s not immediately who I would’ve imagined for Ganondorf’s voice, but god damn am I always down for some more wonderful Matthew Mercer villain dialogue, especially for my favorite Villain!! But that said though... there’s also the possibility that the trailer mislead us and he’s NOT going to be Ganondorf, but instead playing the role of a new hidden villain instead (another Zant, Ghirahim, Astor, ect., an evil minion type character). I thought it was a little odd that there weren’t any shots of Ganondorf actually speaking, and Mercer’s voice feels a little mismatched for the (currently) dried up and mummified corpse of the Gerudo King, so that makes me wonder if we’re actually hearing dialogue from an unrevealed new villain (though alternatively it could just be dialogue from a... *ahem*,Rehydrated Ganondorf, but we don’t know if that’s going to actually happen or not). I’m not entirely sold on this theory myself (as I could very easily just be looking too far into some small details), but it is a theory I did want to bring up. The Dialogue and framing certainly point to him possibly being the King of all Evil, but those little things... it just feels... a little suspicious is all. As for everything else in the trailer though, OH MY GOD AM I HYPED!!! More Zonai stuff, plenty more enemy varieties, it looks like we’re getting both some sky islands AND underground stuff, there looks to be a ton of interesting changes to hyrule itself, and I CAN’T TELL IF THAT WAS A REDEAD OR A STALFOS BUT OH MY GOD AM I HAPPY THEY’RE BACK!! Looks like we’re getting some new Shiekah stuff, lots of new Zonai stuff, and Link’s new arm looks so interesting!! God am I hyped for this SO GOD DAMN MUCH!!! May can’t come soon enough!!

[shawnmendesbuddy]

Day 1–Fake Dating (25 Days of Ficmas)

A/N: Day 1!! So happy to kick off this series. Hope you like it. Summary: Reader invites Shawn to a work Christmas party as her fake boyfriend

Warnings: None

“Knock, knock. I’m just making the rounds and passing out the Christmas party invitations! This year is a Christmas ball! How exciting is that?!” Jenna paused when she realized Y/N wasn’t listening. “How’s it going?” 

“Meh. I can come up with a big piece of evidence that proves this guy is innocent. It’s just so frustrating!” 

“Hey, maybe you need a break. It’s snowing outside. Go be out there for a minute, clear your thoughts.” Jenna, the secretary of the law firm, but also Y/N’s best friend suggested. 

Y/N lifted her head from her computer screen to see that it was indeed snowing. Big, fluffy, snow globe flakes. The one’s that made her feel like she was in a Hallmark movie. 

“But I have to get this done. It’s really important.”

“Y/N…go outside. Or I will unplug your computer and you will lose all your work. You know I will not hesitate to do it,” she gave Y/N a stern look as she put the invitation on her desk. She knew Jenna was right. She always followed through with her word. 

“Okay, fine. I’m going.” Y/N stood from her desk, stretched a little, and walked out of her office. 

When she got outside, she took a moment to enjoy the peace and quiet. There is something so beautiful about sound when it snows. It dampens the world and makes it seem like you are the only one in it. It’s so…peaceful. 

Y/N took a few deep breaths before she saw Camilla stepping out of her car, a coffee in hand. Her short pink dress, skin-colored nylons, black high heels, and white fur coat completing the prissy look. 

“Good morning, Y/N,” she sent her the bitchiest smile she could muster before going inside. 

Y/N and Camilla were competing to become the new owner of the law firm once the boss retired. Camilla had a super wealthy fiancé and the owner of the company valued someone like that. He knew the company would be well off financially. Along with having a sugar daddy, Camilla would be married soon. And the owner saw it as Camilla having her life put together. 

Whereas Y/N did not have a boyfriend. Nor had she kissed anyone in 6 months. It’s not that she hadn’t gone on dates, they were all just dull people whom she had little in common with. 

She felt her back pocket vibrating and looked down to see the familiar face of her long-time best friend, Shawn. 

“Hello. Long time no call.”

“Yea sorry about that. But you’ve been getting my texts, right? Tour is super busy right now.”

“Yea I’ve seen your texts. You look like you’re having a blast. How’s Alessia doing?”

“She’s great. She’s really getting the hang of it.”

“I need to come out and see you guys again soon.”

“That would be nice, but actually I’m coming home next week to be with my family for Christmas and I was wondering if you wanted to hang.”

“Hmm. I don’t know. You’re kind of the worst. You leave me alone for months at a time and expect me to survive without you,” Y/N said sarcastically. 

“Sorry about that. Forgive me?”

And then a wonderful idea popped into Y/N’s head. “I will only if you do me a really big favor.”

“Which is…” 

“Pretend to be my boyfriend at my Christmas work party.”

There was silence on the other end as Shawn felt his heart flutter when she said the words ‘my boyfriend.’ Even if it was fake, he was willing to help the girl he loved. 

“Of course. When is it?” 

“Next Saturday night.” She bit her fingernails nervously as she waited for his response.

“Are you biting your fingernails? You need to quit that habit.” She blushed. He knew her in a way that no one else did. He knew she was nervous and knew she would be biting her nails. “But sure, I will go with you. What’s the theme?” 

Of course Shawn had heard of these infamous Christmas parties and their elaborate themes every year. He had also heard about her annoying co-worker that tried to one-up Y/N in everything she did. 

“It’s a Christmas Ball. Which reminds me, I have literally nothing to wear to this. I’ll have to go shopping tonight—” 

“Wait! Don’t!” 

Y/N paused. 

“I’m flying in this Sunday. We’re going to show up that bitchy co-worker of yours. I’m taking you to Armani and we’re getting a matching suit and gown. She’s not going to know what hit her.”

Y/N let out a soft chuckle. “This is why I love you, Shawn.” 

He smiled sadly on the other end of the line. Not the way I love you though. He thought. He’ll never know the double meaning to my words. She thought. 

*****

Monday cam slowly as Y/N anticipated the day that she finally got to see Shawn. He showed up to her house in his black Range Rover and opened the passenger door for her. “Milady.” 

She giggled. “What was that for?” 

“Just got to get in the boyfriend mood,” He sent her a cheeky smile as he walked around to the driver’s side of the car. 

“You are such a cheese ball, you know that?” 

He gently shoved her arm as they pulled into the parking lot of the Armani store. 

He grabbed her hand and led her to the dress section of the store. “Hello Mr. Mendes. It is a pleasure to have you and the lady in our store today. And what might I do for you?”

“We need a ball gown. One fit for a princess. And if you can, try to find something green. It really suits her eyes.”

“I will do my best,” the attendant said, eyeing Y/N up and down to gauge her measurements and dress fit. 

“Sorry was that too forward. I should’ve let you choose the color,” Shawn whispered as the attendant walked into the backrooms. 

Y/N laughed. “No, I’m glad you said something. I literally have nowhere to start so that was very helpful. And I didn’t know green looked good on me.”

“Yea, you look really beautiful in it. It brings out the blush in your cheeks.” Shawn turned his head away to look at the tuxedo section, but it really was to avoid seeing her reaction. He was worried it would not be wanted he wanted. 

The attendant came back a few minutes later with a beautiful dark green ballgown with short off the shoulder sleeves and silky material. There was a slit for her right leg and the attendant also held a pair of nude heels. 

“Try these on. I think they will suit you well. And once we get you all fitted, we can get to work on Mr. Mendes’s matching tuxedo.”

Y/N quickly changed and walked out to show the two her dress. Shawn’s jaw dropped open and he stared at Y/N’s beautiful figure. He wanted to kiss her right then and there, but he couldn’t. 

“This is the one. I can feel it. There is no need to try on more dresses. Thank you, this is amazing!” she thanked the attendant. 

After finding Shawn a tuxedo, they walked to the front of the store to pay. Y/N went to pay for her dress when Shawn slapped her hand out of the way and passed the cashier his card.

“You two are cute together,” the cashier said, and Y/N looked over at Shawn who was grinning from ear to ear. 

“Thank you!” 

When they reached the car, Y/N addressed Shawn about this, “Why did you let her think we were a couple,” Y/N chuckled. 

“Gotta play into the act, right?” He grabbed her hand and kissed it gently. 

*****

​The night of the Christmas party, Shawn walked to her front door, a bouquet of poinsettias in his hands. He knocked gently, rocking back and forth nervously on the balls of his feet. He didn’t know how tonight was going to go. He wanted to play the part, but he also didn’t want Y/N to become suspicious of his true feelings. 

​Inside the house, Jenna was helping Y/N put her shoes on when there was a knock at the door. “You stay here, I’m going to go get it,” Jenna said. 

​Y/N laughed. “Jenna, you know it’s just fake. It’s not a real date or anything like that.”

“Cut the crap, I know you have feelings for him. And if my gut is right, he feels the same for you.”

Y/N smiled softly as Jenna left the room and when to the top of the staircase. She saw Shawn standing at the bottom, beaming up at her. The walk down the stairs felt so long as he waited for her to be in his arms. 

He passed her the bouquet and grabbed her waist. “You ready to go?” 

“Wait! You guys can’t leave yet! I need pictures!” 

“Jenna, this isn’t a school dance! Plus, don’t you need to be driving over to pick up Ben.”

“Yea, yea. Whatever. If he really loves me, he can wait. I need to document this for when you two get married,” she said snapping a few photos. Y/N rolled her eyes and Shawn chuckled. 

“I mean she’s not wrong though. We’re fake dating, who knows what’s next? A fake engagement, a fake wedding. These photos could be of use someday,” Shawn said jokingly while Y/N choked on her spit. The fact that Shawn even thought about getting married to her—even if it was a fake wedding—sent her heart soaring. 

“Here, let me take those flowers from you. You guys got to get going if you want to be on time.” Jenna grabbed Y/N’s flowers and shooed them out the door. 

*****

The party was exactly like it was every year. It was held at a hotel in the ballroom with a wide staircase leading the way down to the floor. Usually you could just walk in, but this year, since it was themed as a Christmas ball, they were announcing the guests at the top of the steps. 

When Y/N and Shawn reached the announcer, Shawn held his arm out and Y/N wrapped her arm around it. Shawn whispered something in the announcer’s ear, and he nodded. 

“The beautiful and elegant Y/N, and her boyfriend, Shawn Mendes.” 

Y/N bashfully stared down at the people as they looked up at her and Shawn. He was a celebrity after all. She saw Camilla gripping her glass of champagne a little too hard. Camilla was dressed nicely, but Y/N was stunning. She was undoubtedly the most beautiful girl in the room. 

The entire night, Shawn stayed by her side, making polite conversation with her coworkers. She saw Camilla pass them quite a few times looking enviously at her. 

Y/N’s boss came over to the two as the party was beginning to wind down. “Hello Y/N. It’s a pleasure to meet you Shawn,” he held out his hand for Shawn to shake, which he did. “I didn’t know you two were dating. There’s been no tabloids or media on it.”

“Well, I like to keep my life pretty private. Especially when it involves Y/N. We’ve been dating for 8 months and before that we were best friends. She doesn’t want to be in the limelight,and I don’t want to pressure her.”

“Makes perfect sense. Well as much as I would love to talk to you, I need to speak with Y/N privately.” 

He pulled Y/N aside and Shawn sent her a little thumbs up. They retreated into the hallway, and he spoke softly to her. 

“Y/N, you’ve been with the company four years now and I think you are a fabulous employee. You’ve won more cases than anyone at this law firm. And I know you and Camilla have had a little rivalry going on for the past few years, but I was always going to choose you. So, will you take over my spot once I retire at the end of the year? It’s all yours on January first.”

Y/N’s face lit up and she hugged him. But quickly pulled away when she realized how inappropriate that may seem. He chuckled joyfully. “I’m assuming that means yes?”

“Of course!”

“Perfect! I will see you in my office bright and early Monday morning to sign over the legal papers and things like that.” 

“Thank you so much!”

“Of course, my dear, you deserve it.”

As she walked out of the hallway, she saw Jenna send her a hug smile and come running over towards her, embracing her. “I’m so proud of you! But I have even better news! Camilla and her fiancé broke off their engagement because he caught her cheating on him!”

“No freaking way! I have to go talk to him right now!”

Y/N searched the ball room for him and saw him standing by the drink table. But what he was doing horrified her. 

As Y/N retreated into the hallway with her boss, Shawn couldn’t have felt prouder. She was getting her dream job and she would finally have more flexibility to come visit him. 

“Ahem.”

He turned around and was faced with Camilla. Shawn scrunched his eyebrows in confusion then let his face relax. 

“Hi, I’m Camilla.”

“I know.”

Camilla’s face lit up. “So, you’ve heard of me. Probably from Y/N. Her and I are good friends.”

Shawn pursed his lips and slowly nodded his head. “That’s not what I’ve heard from her, but I mean if you think you are, that’s great! She’s amazing!” He knew she was trying to get closer to him because he was rich and famous. Y/N had told him about her gold-digging ways. 

“So, what have you heard about me? Because I haven’t really heard a lot about you from her.”

“Yea well she doesn’t really want a public relationship.”

“You could do so much better than her. You deserve someone who isn’t afraid to be in the spotlight and won’t mind a paparazzi here and there.” 

Shawn was trying to hide his anger as he clenched his jaw. He had to keep reminding himself that it was a public place and not only that, but he didn’t want to damage Y/N’s reputation. 

“I really enjoy Y/N’s company and if she doesn’t want people nosing their way into her private life, I respect that. It’s really hard to act happy all the time when you’re having every little move analyzed by the media.”

“Hmm, well I wonder what the media will think about this…” she whispered as she wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him into her and pressing her lips to his. Shawn pulled her arms off him just as Jenna came storming over and slapped him across the face. 

He grabbed his cheek and gasped in pain. “What the hell was that for!?”

“You douchebag! What the hell do you think you’re doing kissing this dumb bitch?!”

“I didn’t kiss her! She came onto me!”

“You better go explain that to Y/N.” She gestured to the door where he saw the backside of Y/N slipping out the door. 

“Shit,” Shawn whispered. 

He ran after Y/N, faster than he had ever run in his whole life. He caught a flash of her green dress turning the corner and started to yell her name. “Y/N! Y/N stop! Let me explain!” he grabbed her arm, and she turned around furiously. 

“Explain what?! That the second I walk out of that room you start making out with that bitch?!” Her eyes flooded with tears and her voice softened. “I…. I thought I knew what kind of person you were. But I guess the fame has really changed you, huh?”

That felt like a slap in the face. Harder than Jenna’s physical slap. “No babe,” the nickname accidentally slipped out. “You don’t understand. I… she came on to me. The second you walked out of the room she started telling all of these lies about how you two are best friends and how I deserve better than you. Which is completely wrong, I don’t deserve you. She must’ve seen you come out of the hallway and knew that you got the job. She was probably just trying to get one last moment of revenge. But you have to believe me okay. Please, honey.” His voice cracked and Y/N let out a sob. 

“What did you mean by that?”

“By what?” He questioned wiping a tear off her face. 

“You said that Camilla told you that you deserved better than me. Then you said that’s completely wrong. So, are you trying to say you don’t deserve me? Because I’m not all that great. I mean, take Alessia for example. She’s pretty, you both play music, and she’s so obviously into you.” 

Shawn chuckled. “You don’t get it do you. No one deserves you. You are the sun on a winter day, love. The earth revolves around you. And you want to know what? For a second there I forgot we were fake dating and I felt so bad that you thought I would cheat on you. But gosh, I don’t want this to be fake. Because I love you. And I’ve loved you as long as I’ve known you.”

More tears fell down Y/N’s face and Shawn tentatively wiped them away. “Shh. Now I’ve gone and ruined our friendship, haven’t I?”

He felt her bury her head into his chest and grasp onto his biceps. “You haven’t ruined anything. I love you too.”

“Well, in that case, would you care if I kissed you? I would really love to get the taste of her off my mouth and only taste you from now on.”

“That sounds like a plan.” And their lips interlocked in a passionate, long-awaited kiss.

When they finally pulled away, Shawn placed his forehead on hers. “So, Alessia’s into me aye? Are you jealous?”

A/N: Hope you liked Day 1 of Ficmas. Tune in tomorrow for Day 2. If you would like to be added to my taglist please PM me.

[ghosts-and-blue-sweaters]

What's your favorite kind of car?

Do you like video games? Which is your favorite genre? Specific favorite game?

Favorite dog breed?

What's your morning routine?

Favorite writing space?

Best fictional character of all time?

You have a microphone that makes you heard around the world. You can say one thing. What will you say?

Okay, I honestly don’t… care much, for cars. They’re just meh to me. I like bikes better :D

I used to play Mario Galaxy and Mario Kart and Super Mario Bros Wii alllll the time when I was little, and to this day they’re still incredibly nostalgic and hold a lot of good memories. I think I was… six, when I played Mario Galaxy for the first time. My dad played Mario and I played the little player two star—it was freaking awesome, and always something I looked forward to. One of my favorite things to do was collect star-bits for my dad, and freeze enemies. It was just… awesome. So much fun.

However, as I’ve gotten older, I’ve liked video games less and less. My brother is the video game guy, and he is a hekkin nerd about it XD

I don’t really play any video games now, and haven’t played any for years, BUT! Zelda Breath Of The Wild has amazing cutscenes and a great story and ZELDA IS VERY LIKABLE and LINK OH MY GOSH LINK MY BELOVED!!! HE EATS ROCKS FOR FUN!!!

I went through a phase a year or two ago where me and my sister came up with loads of fanfic ideas for BOTW, and I still want to write them!! I think it’d be really fun! I’m just preoccupied with DSMP at the moment :)

So long story short, I’m not a video game person, but I really really like BOTW for the story (and also Tears Of The Kingdom).

Favorite dog breed oh goshhhh

I love golden retrievers (special dogs, and also the same breed as Shadow from Homeward Bound, which is my Most Nostalgic Movie and I need to see it again) and I also like golden doodles (same breed as my dog Ginger <3) and I also like german shepherds (really cool dogs they look so awesome) and I also like great pyrenees (giant fluffy darlings the lot of them and they protect sheep)

But I also really really like wolves :D

I don’t have much of a morning routine, to be perfectly honest; I’m a night owl, and mornings haven’t ever been my thing 😅

I guess they’re… chill? I don’t know, not much happens. I don’t even eat breakfast, most of the time.

FAVORITE WRITING SPACE I LIKE THIS QUESTION!!! Okay, so until just a couple months ago, I didn’t have much of a writing space. If I wanted to write, I usually wrote on a very uncomfortable chair in the living room, or sometimes in my bed.

But at the start of this year, I (somehow) got into a writing routine; every day at 8-8:45pm, I’ll sit down at the tiny table in the kitchen, where I stay until 10pm. It’s been my writing place for a while now, and it’s gotten to the point where I feel wrong when I write anywhere else 😅

So definitely that! Actually here’s a picture:

Now you get to read part of my romance story ajsgajsvjav I honestly had No Idea what I was doing as I wrote it

I can and have written other places—a park bench, a cabin, the notes app on my phone—but I much prefer the kitchen table!

Best. Fictional. Character. Oh boy. Deathy. I will probably ramble. Oh boy.

I gotta start with Ghostbur, of course. My beloved, the ghost of all time, lover of the color blue and sheep, Innocent, weirdly relatable, wearer of yellow sweaters… the perfect guy <3

The way cc!Wilbur treated him is criminal. cc!Wilbur needs to be tried for his crimes and found guilty of malicious intent, murder, enjoyment in other’s sufferings, and Far More.

AND THE FANDOM!!! DON’T GET ME STARTED ON THE FREAKING FANDOM!!! People either see Ghostbur as an overgrown toddler who can’t understand anything, or they see him as this strange mystical Being who is serious all the time and never smiles and is always sad and depressed.

Neither are true! Stop it! It’s annoying and terrible! Freaking stop!

Ghostbur didn’t deserve what happened to him, and he doesn’t deserve the awful fandom interpretations.

Ghostbur deserves the whole world, and all the sheep in the world, and the softest sweaters imaginable <333

I also really really like Wilbur, Tommy, Tech, and Maul :D

Oooh… hm. That’s a tough one.

I think I’d say…

GOSH DEATHY THIS IS HARD!!!

I’d want to say something about Christianity, but there’s so much to say, and I’d want to make sure people understood and didn’t get confused, and I wouldn’t want to say the wrong thing and give people wrong assumptions.

Oooh… maybe I’d share some of my story, like when I dealt with doubts about my faith. That might help people. Oooh :0

Thank you soooo much, Deathy!! This was quite fun to answer :D

[punkclowngod]

hi i’m back lol, haven’t killed myself if anyone wondered, just uh… idk been procrastinating? was feeling awful at first, then better, then great, then meh, now i’m kinda good

little life updates:

got a new kitty, his name is Bingo, i love him

my DC special interest only got worse, i am LOST, i’ve read over 500 comics in the last month and a half and it’s all i ever think and talk about lmao (i can quote so many Jason lines, it’s become a problem)

my sibling got top surgery yesterday and i am SO jealous

didn’t go through with my hysterectomy and instead i’ll just stay on pills

got new tattoo, it’s a clown dog :•>

started being able to go out and go to new places all by myself which is great for my brain but awful for my wallet lmao

got a new friend! then i started ghosting them and now i feel too bad to reach out to them again

seriously, DC is consuming my soul and bank account, send help, i keep quoting Jason all the fucking time and i’m pretty sure i’m driving everyone around me crazy but they don’t want to admit it, and also bcuz i know bunch of lines from Arkham Knight i also by default learn some of Joker’s and i HATE it i don’t want to quote that fake clown but i can’t stop myself. at this point saying “is that what you think this is about? your letting me die?[etc]” is as much as a vocal stim as making weird sounds (on top of “turn around. […] what’s the matter? lost for words? i expected more… i’m hurt.” and “I CAN FIX IT!” and other things), like for real i can’t stop.

comic con was fucking awesome, my sibling and i are going to go as Nightwing and Red Hood next year (why is every dysfunctional sibling dynamic in media always fits us so well? them, the eldest, prodigal, favorite, big older sibling energy, me youngest/middle child, troublemaker, loud, estranged. fr we watch Arcane or read anything with Jason and Dick and we’re just like… yeah that’s us). i bought a really cool Red Hood leather jacket and plan on buying the Nightwing one for my sibling this christmas so we can match. also i made crowbar earrings for my cosplay and yes i think i’m very funny

i got a button maker and it’s super fun

idk what else, once again DC is consuming my entire being and it’s very draining lmao

oh yeah i got two helix piercings

and i went to pride, it was super fun, can’t wait for next year already

and yeah i turned twenty in june and i’ve been coping with that the best i could lol

so yeah i’m easing back into social media, might not be very active still, idk, all i do everyday is read comics, replay Arkham Knight, quote Jason, and rn helping my sibling with their surgery recovery and trying not to be too jealous lol

sorry if i missed anything important, i hope everyone’s doing well, and uh.. yeah! idk if i’m gonna come back again, i’ve been pretty good rn and i know i get triggered often when i go online so i’ll be more careful now so i might log in more occasionally instead of obsessively!

missed you guys! <3

[veebs-hates-video-games]

Time for another installment of a couple games that irritated me and a couple that are good actually. Or maybe it's the first installment of that? I'm not keeping track.

Ori and the Blind Forest went on sale incredibly cheap, and I had been meaning to try it out for a while, so I finally did. It looks great, it sounds great, and I was enjoying the exploration part of it, but the combat is meh at best. I could've gotten over that probably, but the checkpoint system where you have to manually make your own if you ever want to save just does not work for me. I'm either going to forget to make one forever because ADHD and then lose half an hour of progress or waste resources making them way too often, or what actually ended up happening was saving in a room with only one exit that was full of things that could kill me with a single hit, having to retry several times before finally making it through, and then just giving up when the next room needed some annoying timing for stuff and not wanting to reload over and over some more.

Shovel Knight also went on sale incredibly cheap, this time on the 3DS, which I didn't even know it existed on. I was Concerned because I've bounced off so many Critically Acclaimed 2D platformers and metroidvanias lately (aside from Ori there's also been stuff like Celeste and Hollow Knight and something else I'm forgetting), but it turns out it's great and I genuinely enjoy playing it. I'm not super far in it because I keep getting distracted by other stuff, but so far it's a lot of fun and clearly made by people who are intimately familiar with NES-era platformers and what made them look and feel the way they did...which everyone already knew several years ago, but I just got around to it now.

Diablo 3 is...frustrating in a way that is itself also frustrating. As someone who's spent over 2000 hours on Grim Dawn over the past several years, it's safe to say I can get really into ARPGs when they click for me, and people have been comparing Grim Dawn, Diablo 3, and Path of Exile for years. The general consensus I've picked up is that Diablo 3 has waaay less depth and build variety than the other two, but people seem to think it has the most polished gameplay. After playing it a bit I'm not sure why they think that, because it doesn't feel like a revolutionary new level of polish, just like Torchlight 2.5 if Runic had a bigger budget to work with. It does do some things well, but as someone who's never really liked any of the Diablo games, the baggage this carries with it from trying to be a followup to Diablo 2 is ultimately going to be what makes me stop playing, possibly very soon. I could go on at great length about every little thing that's annoyed me while playing (and I have on Discord), but the short version is that I understand why there are people who like it while also being completely unable to myself. I may complain in greater detail later (or just copy stuff from Discord with light editing), but for now I'll just leave it at this.

Diablo 2: Resurrected will be a very brief entry. It was significantly cheaper to get D3 bundled with D2R than it was to get D3 by itself, so I seem to have ended up with both. I was expecting to play it for a few hours and be reminded of why I kind of hated it when I was younger, but it was not to be. The opening cutscene is genuinely great and reminded me of why Blizzard used to be known for having particularly high quality pre-rendered cutscenes, but as soon as it got to the main menu it shat itself repeatedly and failed to connect to Battle.net. Which it needs to do to play offline. On the Switch. Well, at least I got a discount on D3 for failing to play D2R, and as a bonus I got to watch a good cutscene for a few minutes. And now I get to have that 8 GB of space on my SD card back.

Vampire Survivors gets to show up in another post, so that's nice. I'd been taking a break from it for a couple months, but this week I got inspired to go back and finish up some of the stuff I didn't do before. Still such a great game. I'm about 80% done now, and I keep finding new silly things I didn't expect or coming up with increasingly broken and/or nonsensical build ideas I haven't tried before. It's not always the kind of thing I'm in the mood for, but when it is it does what it does so well.

[kaiba-cave]

I need to start saving up money to buy a house or something lmao my rental situation is stressing me tf out. Not that I have any money to spare to save, and I probably wouldn’t be able to get a mortgage even if I had enough saved for a down payment, pfft. Like I swear I didn’t have as many grey hairs before the basement flooded and all this shit happened as I do now.

If the basement had never flooded I’d still be perfectly happy down there but it’s now two months later and they’ve only just removed the damaged walls. Landlord’s wife is coming back April 26th and it definitely won’t be done by then, so I have to either find somewhere that’s short term or go to my mom’s house for who knows how long. And anyone who’s followed me for years knows how little I get along with my dad when we live together, so I’m dreading that. I’d almost rather stay in a hotel if they weren’t too expensive, except I have my cat and finding a pet friendly place is hard enough.

I was supposed to move into the main floor apartment but that lady decided she doesn’t want to leave. I don’t know if the landlord has a legitimate reason to evict her either because I know they don’t get along, but if you don’t have a legit reason you can’t just kick her out. 🤷‍♀️

Also this might be dumb but out of everything the thing I feel the worst about is that my cat loves it up here. I feel like super guilty that I’ve let her get used to a nice apartment with windows she can look out of, only to bring her back down to the basement eventually anyway. Is that stupid? lmao like I know she’s a cat and she’ll probably forget about it in a week once we’re back in the basement, but still. I’d gladly pay another $300 for an above ground apartment with windows just for her. Plus I’m just paranoid about it flooding again.

AND on top of everything the landlord mentioned how the basement apartment would be a bit more for rent once it was done and I didn’t say anything at that point because I thought I’d be going to the main floor so it wouldn’t matter, but as far as I’m aware a landlord can’t raise rent when they do renovations when the renovations were done because of damage. It’s not like I voluntarily moved out and am now going back, I was forced out and once the renovations are done I should have the exact same rent as before. So now I’m like ugh I’m going to have to confront them about that eventually. They’ve been good this whole time and I’m easygoing so we’ve gotten along really well and they won’t expect me to be like mmmm no, but I’m not paying more for rent when I shouldn’t have to. Unless they only raise it like $50 or something I might just let it be, but more than that, no.

I’m going to ask the insurance estimator who’s been kind of helping me out about that again just so I know for sure they can’t do that, because he knows what he’s talking about.

I’m just stressing tf out lmao I’ve actually gone and looked at two apartments. One was affordable but tiny (like probably the size as what I have in the basement, just with an extra wall so there’s technically a bedroom), and another today that was just meh, kind of old and bleh.

And since I live in the Niagara Region of Ontario it’s RARE to find anything less than $1200, and then half the time you also have to pay utilities, and unlike here internet wouldn’t be included either, which also isn’t cheap. And I’ve looked like cities away from where I am but there’s just nowhere cheap.

Too bad I can’t move across the border into Buffalo or Niagara Falls, NY, lmao. Some of those places are cheap af even for American dollars and I’m literally right across the river and paying like double what they are. Sigh.

And smaller issue but still something I think about, my couch (which was also my bed) got ruined and since I didn’t get any money from my insurance I can’t replace it. My Pa helped me buy it and I feel bad that it got wrecked after only having it for like two years. It was expensive too. So no matter where I end up I still need a bed or another sleeper couch.

AAAAAAHHHHHHHH

[jungwnies]

*peeks shyly from the door*

hi

hey baby girl, how are you?

sorry for being a lil mia, I gotta admit october wasn’t the best month for me and november isn’t looking that great either (not worse but not better just a little meh), some stuff happened personally and let’s just say I’ve been in the need of a break

good/bad news is that im officially starting therapy once again tomorrow! yup, last month really set the line for it hehe

it’s a little bittersweet you know, thinking you’re getting better but then not idk just really blue u.u

but okay! i didn’t come here to make you gloomy, i mean yeah last month sucked but at least taylor dropped a new album ^^

also ive been talking and getting closer with my dad a lot these past few weeks so that’s nice, actually the whole reason why im back in therapy is cause he cares and got really worried about my state so gotta thank dad!<33

i also loved seulgi’s solo debut (slaaay) and last time i popped in here i started rewatching glee and guess who already finished it? me :D

i also rewatched shadowhunters and now im starting ted lasso! (I’ve heard is a great show and so far so good!)

kinda shocked tho it’s already November and omg the end of the years is in a couple of weeks omG STOP

n e ways, what have you been up to? my guess is school but tell me how do you feel about it? or if you don’t want to talk about school that’s okay just tell me how you’ve been and how you’ve enjoyed your days? ^^

sending lots of love to you darling

i don’t know when I’ll pop back in here so as usual: eat your meals, drink your water, listen to your favorite artists, read/write when you want to and don’t overwork yourself <33

you can do it! 파이팅 ^^

-🧸anon

omg hi :) i'm so sorry to hear the past two months have been SUCKY, but i'm glad you've gotten a break because everyone needs one at some point !!! therapy is never something bad, the reason for going might not be the best reason but the outcome will be better than nothing, right? <3 omg... also i love taylor's album, some of my fav songs on there are maroon, snow on the beach, and lavender haze 🫶 it's always nice to be recognized by a parent and receive their love and care, so i'm glad you've got comfort, love, and support from your dad. 28 reason by seulgi is actually heaven sent, it's sooooo good omg ?!?!?! there's only a few weeks left in the year, i feel like this year passed by sooo quickly it's bittersweet LOL

lately i've been super busy, i got a job recently (i love it so much, it's so easy but all my coworkers are so fun and sweet) and school has been pretty chill, exams started though so i'm studying like there's no tomorrow LMFAO

i also got post nasal drip so i'm like suffering from a dry cough, it hurts so much LMFAO... i just got medicine for it today so hopefully it goes away soon 👍

i started love in contract, i also finished it and it was one of the best kdramas i've watched 10/10 recommend

make sure you eat your meals, drink your water, listen to your favorite artists as well <3

[peace-coast-island]

Diary of a Junebug

The power of music brought us here and it'll take us even further as long as we keep following our dreams

Never underestimate how freeing it is to express yourself through art and creativity. When my mind is loud with overwhelming thoughts or if I’m feeling sort of meh, I find that doing something creative often helps my brain unwind. Journaling’s an obvious thing, and maybe it’s because I’m doing it for years now, but I find it easy and therapeutic to just let my thoughts run wild on paper. It can help sort out your thoughts and feelings over things that you feel conflicted over. Or it could help organize your mind of you’ve got a lot going on and just need some time to settle down.

I don’t always have a rhyme or reason for writing in my journal, nor do I have a strict routine. Some days, I have a lot of my mind, and other times, it’s no thoughts, head empty. To be honest, I don’t really care much for routine or consistency, because to me, journaling’s like any other hobby I pick up. The point is to enjoy it, and if I’m super busy or just not feeling it, I could easily put it aside and focus on something else without feeling bad or guilty. I like routine for the stability, but I don’t want it to completely dictate my day to day life, so I try to aim for a balance.

For me, I like do do a mix of different things when I journal. It’s not the most cohesive thing, which is okay for me because it’s my creative space and I can do whatever I want with it. Diary entries, random pages of art, quotes and lyrics that have been living rent free in my mind - really, the possibilities are endless! Over the years, I have developed my own style of journaling, which I’m happy with, and as of this moment, I’m hoping to keep up with journaling for as long as I feel like it - meaning, for the next few or several years to come.

Songwriting’s another popular way of self expression, and it’s actually come up a lot in conversations, probably because we just attended a music festival and some of our friends who performed there are staying at the camp to chill for a couple days. We’ve got Ying, Hua, Desi, Dello, Donna, and Edie - all who came a very long way to attend the Dreamer Festival in Spectrum Falls. Basically, Edie came from the midwest, Desi, Dello, ands Donna all the way in the west coast, and Ying and Hua came overseas from Yuexing - so they came a really long way! At least by stopping by the camp, Ying and Hua are able to cut their travel time by a few hours, which really makes a difference.

The Dreamer Festival is one of those events that’s a huge deal, sort of like a pipe dream for many. It’s not one of those mainstream festivals that is well known outside of certain circles, which makes it even more special if you’re able to get in. Not that it’s like exclusive, or elite, or anything, it’s more that they try to be super diverse and aim to showcase a wide variety of music, and there’s only so much you can pack into one event a year. In other words, space is limited and invite only, which also isn’t always guaranteed because things can change at the last minute - though from what I’ve heard, if they reach out to you, they will try to give you a slot within two years.

So it really was a stoke of luck that this gang of musicians got in this year, months after the organizers reach out to them, which, again, doesn’t always happen for a variety of reasons. Even now, after the festival, they still can’t believe that they made it. Like, if someone came up last year and told them, “Hey, you’d be performing at Dreamer one day” they’d be like, “You can’t be serious!” And now here they are. Amazing, isn’t it? Even more so after years of being told that their music wasn’t going to get them anywhere.

Obviously, you can’t win everyone over, but it starts to get to a point where the naysayers aren’t being logical anymore, or are just jealous or petty. On one hand, it’s understandable why someone might be against pursuing the arts as a career because it’s not an easy path, and even if you have talent, a lot of it also comes down to luck - and money, and connections, which often serves as a barrier for many. That, I get, because it is a valid concern, and it carries a lot of weight on your decisions.

Financial stability’s one thing, burnout and stress is another that’s a huge concern for many. A good support system can help with that, but that’s also not guaranteed, especially when it comes to factors that are completely out of your hands, which is the unfortunate nature of the music industry. Mainstream music, I can definitely see a lot of behind the scenes stuff happening, though that and smaller labels or independent have their own challenges too. Please note, I know absolutely nothing about the business side of the music industry except that like any other job, it has its problems and whatever.

For Dello and Donna, they acknowledge the fact that they had an advantage because of their connections because their uncle is The Kent Clanwing. However, everything else like finances and such, that was their own hard work and effort, partly due to Clanwing not being involved in that at all. Even now, his support still sends mixed messages to the family, which is something they’ll just have to accept. Not ideal and could be a lot better, but that’s just how it is.

Dello had always been into music, so he’s had a bit of experience with the industry, though it was more of a side thing. Clanwing never exactly discouraged him from pursuing music, but it was kinda implied that he felt that Dello didn’t have the chops to survive the business. Sure, he had the talent and artistic merit, though that can only take you so far, especially if you have other factors working against you.

The biggest obstacle was Dello’s stutter, something he’s struggled with all his life that he still gets self conscious about from time to time. It’s gotten better over the years, but it’s still there, and he knows how to live with it. Of course, Clanwing would never admit that he considers Dello’s stutter a flaw that should be hidden away out of shame. There’s no doubt that Clanwing holds his nephew in high regard, but even then, there’s always gonna be that catch, which is also something Dello has long accepted.

One thing that Clanwing always enforced on his family is to know how to roll with the punches, and so that’s how Dello chooses to live. He knows he can’t control his speech impediment, so he’s not gonna let that control his life and stop him from living. Why let that stop him from singing? Or in his case, why let that stop him from writing and producing music?

It wasn’t until he, Donna, and the others moved out of the manor when he decided to pursue music seriously, forming Ocean Winds with Donna. Dello knew from the start that he didn’t want to sign on with a major record label, choosing to go independent instead so he’s have more artistic control over his work. For them, that was a viable option, and I think they made the right choice to go down that route. They didn’t want to be big stars, they just wanted to make music and share that with the world.

Shine Within You, their debut single unexpectedly rocked the charts, because A, it’s a good song, and B, it has a reassuring message that spoke to a lot of people. And not surprisingly, the song’s message resulted in some “controversy”, which to me is more like pointless discourse, mainly by chronically online people who have nothing better to do. Really, how do you interpret the message of the song - that it’s okay to be yourself and you don’t need to be spectacular to be worthy - and say shit like it’s promoting laziness and being a burden to society?

I think more people need to hear that it’s okay to be mediocre and live a mundane life that makes you happy rather than constantly feeling the need to climb the ladder and aim for perfection in order to prove yourself. After all, it’s not healthy to be always pushing yourself, to be beating yourself up if you fail to meet the high expectations you’ve set for yourself. To always be aiming higher, never feeling satisfied enough with what you have because of the belief that there’s more.

The way I see it, it’s kinda like a never ending cycle - like, what’s the point in always aiming higher if you know that you still won’t be happy with what you’ve got? What’s the point of measuring your self worth with things like how much money you made, or if you did anything groundbreaking, or if you managed to climb to the top, if it brings you stress?

Maybe I’m kinda jaded because I know some people who treat life as some competition to see who’s the best of the best, either constantly beating themselves up for failing to meet their often unrealistic expectations, or acting like they’re superior because they’ve accomplished a lot and so everyone else is just lazy for not being able to reach the same level as them. I get being pressured to succeed and be on top of everything, but it becomes a problem when you force your views on others to the point that you end up being an unpleasant person to be around.

If anyone knows what that’s like, it’s Edie. She and her siblings always had a difficult relationship with their father, who seemed to disapprove of everything they did. He saw Edie’s venture into music a waste of time, saying that she needed to take life more seriously or that she didn’t have what it takes to be a good musician. By that, he meant that she had to be groundbreaking, a game changer, a prodigy - someone. She couldn’t just be a musician - she said nothing was ever enough for him, which was the main source of frustration between them.

I can’t imagine what it’s like growing up with someone that insufferable, especially a parent. Sure, he had his reasons, like the fact that he never really had a childhood because his father died when he was young and as the eldest he was responsible for the family. Still, that doesn’t excuse being a stuck up bitch who thinks you’re better than everyone. It’s even worse when they go out of their way to put others down so they look better in comparison.

Edie’s long accepted that she and her father will never see eye to eye. Aside from his disapproval over pretty much everything she does, he was also a manipulative liar, which is a whole ‘nother thing. He would basically tell people that Edie’s a struggling, disgruntled artist who’s failing to find an audience, and then get defensive when they find out the truth, that Edie was doing well and she was happy with her life.

However, the most telling thing about her father is his comment on her song Cloudy Roses, which was basically what he thought of all her work. Out of all the songs he chose to listen to, he chose the one she knew he was going to hate due to the fact that it’s about two women falling in love, something he considered blasphemy. His response? Telling her that back in his day, she would be murdered for writing something like that. That was really the only direct comment he had over her music. What the fuck? Like, what kind of a thing is that to say to someone? Edie knew he never thought highly of her work, but to basically straight up tell her that she should be killed for expressing herself through her art is going too far.

The others can relate to being told weird and unprompted comments regarding their music, though not on the same level as Edie’s father. Clanwing seems to support Ocean Winds in general, but he appears to have issues with the messages behind some of the songs. Donna said that he has a tendency to overreact to anything he perceives as criticism, so songs where they talk about their struggles - like mental health issues, for example - he can’t help but see that as a personal attack. She and Dello speculate that maybe part of it has to do with guilt, especially for someone like him who has a tendency to blow things out of proportion. On the other hand, it’s like yes, their songs tend to be more personal and inspired by their own life experiences - the key word being inspired - but it’s not 100% true to life, like pretty much all forms of art.

Ying says it’s similar with some of her more conservative relatives too. She doesn’t mind them listening to her music, but she knows that they’ll take issue with some of her songs that touch on subjects like being queer and dealing with mental health struggles. she won’t stop them from checking her stuff out, but at the same time she isn’t up to explaining herself when they demand an explanation, which has happened a couple times. They’re like, “We want to support you, but we don’t agree with your art and the messages you’re conveying through it and we don’t like that.”

Her father and grandparents are also the kind who take it as a personal attack when she opens up about her struggles growing up, specifically what it’s like to be a kid with undiagnosed ADHD and feeling like something was wrong with you, as well as dealing with those who aren’t always supportive of what you do or who you are. I guess it’s uncomfortable for them to accept that someone you grew up with or raised will never fit into that mold you had in mind for them and your expectations mostly succeeded in hurting them instead of helping.

It really sucks when there’s people close to you who refuse to accept you as you are, whether it be your sexuality, identity, if you’re neurodivergent or have a physical, or mental, or chronic condition - anything that makes you different. They’re like, “We don’t wanna hear any of that shit, so suck it up and suffer in silence.” Some people don’t want to admit it, but what they’re really thinking is, “We’d rather have you live in shame and suffer in silence because who you really are makes me uncomfortable,” and it becomes more apparent when other people are able to accept you without reservations while they keep insisting that you’re wrong and they’re right.

The mental health/ADHD stuff continues to be a touchy subject in Ying’s family as there’s still some who don’t believe in that kind of stuff and don’t want her to be associated with those types. At this point, the way she sees it, they’re entitled to their opinion, she’s entitled to her life - if they can’t see eye to eye, then so be it. Some battles aren’t worth fighting. Better to leave it as is rather than waste your energy trying to prove yourself to someone who won’t listen.

For Desi, most of her naysayers are, not surprisingly, people she worked with during her days with Too Cool and the Shayne Brothers, who are known for being cookie cutter mainstream pop - the kind that are stuck reliving their past in a bad way that makes them look bland and uninspired. These days, their songs are too formulaic and predictable, a far cry from their past when they actually put effort in their music rather than pander to what they thought would make the Top 40. I have no idea what they’re up to now, mainly because I’m not interested, though it’s likely the same old stuff.

Although they openly showed their support when Desi decided to go solo, she said it felt sort of backhanded, kinda like they were hoping that she’d reconsider her decision. It became even more apparent when she decided to embrace her Cuban roots, blending elements of traditional and pop rock, as well as incorporating Spanish lyrics. Some fans weren’t too keen on that, which wasn’t a surprise as they expected her work to be more like Too Cool, something she wanted to break away from. Looking back, her only regret was that she hadn’t left earlier once she realized that she was stuck in a rut.

I guess one of the biggest takeaways is that you can’t please everyone. Some people will always find something to criticize no matter what. It sucks to have someone you trust not give you their full support, it really does. But you shouldn’t let that stop you from achieving your dreams. After all, this is your life - you’re the one who calls the shots, not them. Maybe they don’t see eye to eye right now, but that doesn’t mean things won’t change for the better in the future.

Just focus on the present and do what feels right for you. In time, as long as you keep working at it, everything else will fall into place. I know from experience that things will work out in the end, often in ways you least expect it.

Read on AO3

[ohh-kaye]

2024 Resolutions

If I said I failed last year that was an understatement compared to this year.

I didn’t look at this at all.

Like at all.

Not once had the notion of resolutions crossed mind all year. Sorry.

Until today.

The last day.

How embarrassing and stupid.

Let’s just review but I doubt there’s anything of substance from this list because I’ve achieved nothing. I don’t even remember what I put down but let’s just get this over with.

2023 Resolutions.

1. Read 20 books! (NO)

What a goddamned idiot. I didn’t even get this one thing right. What a loser. I hate myself. I couldn’t even get this one right and reading is already such a consistent thing I do.

2. Book a hair appointment (NO)

I was close to doing it but I chickened out every time because I just… can’t. I can’t.

I can’t do it.

I’m sorry.

The child in me can still all their faces and their laughter.

I can’t do it.

3. Go to the gym at least once a week? (meh???)

I still go to the gym. Not as often but I still go.

I probably need to quit because they’ve stolen my money too many times.

4. Learn a new instrument/ Learn a new song (NO)

I bought a guitar this year. Have I touched it? Fuck no. No plans to either.

5. Vlog? (mehh????)

I did complete this but rather horribly as well. I didn’t know that there was a limit on the reel on Instagram so there are days that aren’t documented. It’s feral because I also did the last 3 months last minute. Literally I am still finishing them now.

I hate myself.

6. Manage my finances (FUCKK NOOO)

I started an Excel but have I touched it since my first paycheck. Fuckkkk noooooooo

7. GAMSAT (nauurr)

Lol

2024 RESOLUTIONS

Go to the Eras Tour

I can’t explain how badly I want to manifest this. Taylor Swift is my top artist this year and this is honestly all I want. If I get to see Taylor Swift, I think I could die.

Read 20 books!!!

Maybe this’ll be a bit better this time round. I really need prep for the 24 books. I just need to make it to 20.

Learn a new song

Music is obviously super important to me but I want to be able to pick up an instrument and learn something new.

Have no spend weeks.

I’ve been terrible at saving this year. I need to start saving if I want to be able to survive moving out in the future. Not this future but a later future.

One cover a week!

I’m still planning on doing my weekly wrap-ups on IG but I want to have at least one song cover in there. I’m hoping that my feed will be a bit more finessed now.

Roadtrip?

This is a bit of a stretch but I’ve always wanted to go on a roadtrip… especially with Elsa  so maybe this year’s the year for it!

Go to the doctor

You know there’s something I’ve been putting off so I’ll just put this down here and hopefully I’ll bite the bullet and do it. I just need to.

Last notes…

I think this may be it. I don’t know if I can keep this up. It’s been a good couple of years doing this but I don’t feel much joy and honestly I don’t think this has helped me. It’s more stressed me out because I had to do it. I already have too many thins polluting my brain and I don’t know if I want to add this.

I’m getting older and not necessarily growing so I feel like I need to just get it over with and grow the fuck up.

I’m tired and I’m done.

Who knows? At the end of the year we’ll come back and things will be different. I highly doubt it but things may look up.

See you at the end.

[bakafox]

Note: I found this in my drafts folder. It’s super old, but... had some conversations about this (minus the JKR bit) and like, also, Happy Pride Month and Trans Rights Are Human Rights

So it’s kinda funny as something reminded me of JKR’s long screed about how she wonders if someone might have ‘persuaded’ her to transition because she was a tomboy and...

Just- yeah. When I was little, I went through a phase of hating being a girl. Absolutely envying boys, because I was stuck in a conservative school/area that gave me hell for being a tomboy. The boys got away with bullying and bullshit, and I was constantly being berated for ‘not acting like a proper girl’ for pushing back, etc.

I threw out the frilly things I actually had liked. I threw out pastels, I threw out pink, the only girliness I didn’t try to throw out were my MLP’s and She-Ra dolls because in part my parents wouldn’t buy me war toys like GI Joes and because I still could play pretty vicious warlike scenes with them. (And did. Complete with that fake removable nail polish stuff that was really tacky even when dry on plastic for blood.)

But no I don’t think anyone would have ‘persuaded’ me to transition, because I am pretty sure I also was all too aware that frankly, even if the next day I just woke up a boy through a miracle from God with no work on my part, I still wouldn’t be allowed to fit in- because I did still like my ponies. I liked She-Ra as much as GI Joe, I liked mermaids, and most of the boys I wanted to be ‘like’ bullied me relentlessly about that shit, after all.

And I didn’t feel like a boy. I just hated being a bullied and abused girl, and I wanted to punch people.

Pretty sure if I was going through that today, at that age, and my parents were supportive in me exploring things, I might have tried out a different name or something, but ‘boyhood’ wouldn’t have stuck publicly any more than it did in my own head as I hit the other swing as it did go and went back to allowing myself pink, and frilly layers if I was dressing up, wanted to be like Dolly Parton, and so on, and started shaping myself around being a cisgender woman- just with the growing knowledge that there wasn’t just one way to BE a cisgender woman.

Basically other than probably getting more hell from all the people already giving me hell, publicly exploring gender options back then wouldn’t really have impacted me all that hard where I stand now, as a 40-something year old cisgender woman who sometimes flirts a bit with nonbinary just because ‘meh, it’s not a big deal’ and I ignore the things I used to do (like dressing up and wearing makeup) that felt like I was asserting myself in favor of being a hermit potato who’s online all the time and surrounded by cats.

This isn’t some kind of unique childhood development, I’ve always been aware that other little girls who were ‘weird’ were and still are treated like I was... but I’ve never just assumed that that’s the same as really having a self-awareness and understanding that ‘oh hey I AM definitely not the gender everyone tells me I am’

Actual trans and nb people have a very different awareness, and it can’t be forced inorganically one way or the other.

[shima-draws]

Cries because this is the first time I’ve actually liked my art in a while