#and like 'this was a mistake and I'm letting everyone and myself down and I can't undo it and I moved and everything'

[vickytaa]

Music keeps me alive. M.S. Chapter IV

sumerry: y/n's father passed away, and she moved to Boston to finish school. She always keeps her headphones on, only she knows the reason why. What happens when she meets Matt?

Chapter I - Chapter II - Chapter III

Y/n Pov:

I was never a big fan of parties, especially when I didn't know anyone, but being next to Matt always calmed me down a bit. After the thing with Emily, everything felt weird and uncomfortable, but the guys quickly noticed it on my face and made me feel at ease again.

“Honey, I'm going to the bathroom, I'll be right back,” I told Matt, who kissed me on the forehead and let go of my hand so I could go. It didn't take long, or well, a little bit. I just did my business and touched up my makeup a bit, but I wasn't sure if I wanted to go back out. The party wasn’t bad, and getting to know the guys' friends better is great, it's just that I was tired and I've never been one to go to these parties, but if Matt liked it and it made him happy, obviously I was going to go with him.

As I walked in, I was met with a crowd of sweaty bodies dancing together, which made me a little uncomfortable. But when I found Nick talking to Chris, everything else faded away. Reaching the circle where everyone was chatting, I saw him. Matt was wrapping his arm around Emily's waist, just like he used to with me. He must have made a mistake. But how could he not realize it wasn't me? Maybe he'd just had too much to drink... But Matt doesn't drink much. I was approaching them when I saw Emily grab his jaw and kiss him. He didn't pull away, he kissed her back. How? Why? Didn't anyone notice that I wasn't the one with Matt?

Without realizing it, my eyes had filled with tears and some rolled down my cheeks. My breath caught in my throat. My heart ached. Those few seconds of their kiss felt like years to me. I felt invisible, until Matt heard a sob coming from me and turned around. That's when he realized that the girl he was kissing wasn't his girlfriend, it was Emily.

I was in shock, my world was falling apart, again. "What? Y/n?" I heard Matt say, looking completely confused. I had trusted him, I had told him things about myself that I never thought I would tell anyone else. I couldn't think of anything else, I wanted to get out of there, away from everything, from everyone, lock myself in my room and never come out. So I did, I turned around and started running through the crowd, while I heard Matt shouting for me to stop as he ran after me.

"Y/n! Wait!" Matt repeated, his voice desperate. I had managed to get out of the house, but hearing him cry made me unable to contain my pain and I turned around, this time stopping. "Y/n, I- I didn't- I didn't realize that... that it wasn't you. I had too much to drink and when she..." Matt started to speak, trying to explain what happened, but I couldn't take anymore pain, so much betrayal, so much everything. "No, Matt!" I tried to interrupt him, but I couldn't. He had come very close and grabbed my arms tightly, afraid I would leave. "I thought you had already come back and..." "Matt! Stop!" I yelled, now desperate because I couldn't escape. Matt stood still, slowly raising his gaze that was fixed on the floor to meet mine. My tears were now falling uncontrollably, despite my enormous effort to stop them. "Matt, let go of me," I said, now in a softer, lower tone. But he didn't let go. "I don't want you to leave Y/n. Please," Matt started begging me not to leave, which hurt me even more, but I had to stay strong and respect myself. "No, Matt. Now let me go," I said again in the same tone. "No, no, no, please don't go, I need you," Matt said as he began to kneel in front of me. He was crying uncontrollably, begging me please not to leave, grabbing my legs. "Matt let go of me!" I shouted and my voice cracked.

Hearing my voice crack, Matt let go of me. I quickly ran away from there, not wanting to hear anything else from anyone. I didn't know where I was going or how long I was going to walk, all I knew was that at that moment I needed my dad. He had always been there for me in the best and worst of times, always trying to make me feel better. Even though sometimes I didn't quite understand what he was saying, he always found a way to see the good in the situation, or a way to make me feel good, no matter how bad the situation was. For example, when my cat Sherlock died, he made sure to be there for me the whole month, giving me gifts, affection, making me laugh, despite the fact that I wanted to cry, among many other things that I had never realized I needed until he was gone.

And that left a huge void in me, a pain in my chest, a sadness and a need for him to come back, not at 2 in the morning at my lowest point of mental breakdown, but when I was laughing with my cousins while playing at the last family dinner all together.

I didn't need the music. When I said it kept me alive, it was a lie, what kept me alive was the memory of my dad. The countless nights I spent sleeping in his arms while listening to his favorite records, the road trips singing at the top of our lungs while mom laughed at how much we were alike, that's what kept me alive.

After an hour of walking in the middle of a neighborhood I didn't know, I decided to order an Uber home. The ride was quick, I got home and opened the door, still in costume. "Hi honey! How-" My mom started talking until she looked into my eyes. "What happened to you? Are you okay?" She started asking me a million questions, but I wasn't really listening. I couldn't feel anything but pain. Why does something bad always have to happen when I'm having a good time? It broke my heart to see myself so vulnerable in front of my mom, not knowing what else to do but wanting to run away from everything, like we had done when Dad died. My mom understood that I wasn't going to talk now so she hugged me. She knew I needed my father there, and maybe that wasn't something he would have done, but now he wasn't there and she had to find a way to make me feel a little better. I was crying uncontrollably, and my mom's hug made me cry more, but it helped me, because I felt more comfortable expressing my feelings, I felt accompanied, I felt at home. After a while hugging, my mom helped me go to bed and lay down next to me. Maybe I'll never say it, but I was very grateful to her.

That night, I could sleep very little, so my mom let me sleep a couple more hours and then try to talk about what happened yesterday. When I woke up, I stretched and grabbed my phone. There were thousands of messages and missed calls from Matt, but I couldn't even start looking at them when my eyes started to fill with tears again. I decided that maybe I wouldn't want to see my phone for a few days, so I just turned it off and got out of bed. My mom was making breakfast, like every day. "Good morning, my love. How are you feeling?" she asked. How do I feel? It was my time to speak, to explain everything that had happened, to talk about everything that has been happening to me lately since Dad died, to talk about my desire to leave, to talk. But who cares? If I have a problem, the problem is mine and I have to solve it myself, if I talk to someone I'm sure I'll bother them, I can't talk. If I talk, I cry. Why can't I explain what I feel like everyone else?

I simply swallowed my urge to cry and nodded. I sat down for breakfast and just sat there, staring at the plate of food in front of me. "Y/n, please," Mom said without explanation. I started eating. When I finished, I went upstairs to go back to sleep. I had nothing else to do. When I got up, I would just stare at the ceiling, not knowing what to do. Read? I couldn't form a complete sentence in my mind. Listen to music? I can't even hear my own thoughts. Talk to someone? I cry.

The moments from last night replayed over and over in my mind. The turn the night took, before we went out we were all doing great, happy, and at the end we didn't even leave the party together. I wonder what Matt is thinking, what he's doing. Is he thinking about me? Why would he think about me now if he didn't think about me before kissing Emily? God. I need to sleep and never wake up again.

The emptiness inside me grew bigger and bigger. I don't know if I'll ever trust anyone again. I feel broken and alone, as if the world around me is falling apart and there's nothing I can do but watch it crumble. I don't understand why he would want to make me believe he was in love with me and that he loved me only to break my heart. A big part of me wanted to talk to him and tell him what a jerk he is, the other part wanted to believe that it was an accident and that there's still hope.

The following days were the same, I only left my room to eat or go to the bathroom, I missed a whole week of school, I left my phone off, in short, I disappeared for everyone except my mom. She understood that I didn't want to go to school now because I didn't want to see Matt's face, but she refused when I asked if we could move because if I did anything here it reminded me of him, and that hurt me a lot. "No, honey, we're not moving again." I was crying again, begging her to leave. "Mom, please!" I said in my broken voice, full of pain. My mom's heart broke seeing me like that, but she couldn't take a step back again. "Honey, listen, when your father... passed away, I couldn't go back home because I was afraid of having to start over without him. He was the engine of my life." Her eyes began to fill with tears, she paused to catch her breath and spoke again, "That's why we moved, because I couldn't go back home and see all his things. But now that some time has passed, I could think about it better and I think maybe it wasn't the best thing on my part, because with that I taught you that if something bothers you you have to run away from it, and no, you have to talk. I barely knew Matt, but he seems like a good guy, and it shows that he really loves you and would never do anything to make you feel bad." She finished and I saw a tear fall and roll down her face. "Mom..." I said in a weak voice. "Honey, talk to him." "I... I can't," and with that I ran to my room and locked myself in again.

When the weekend arrived, I found myself out of my room, in the living room, listening to music again after so many days. As the first song was about to start, I heard the doorbell ring. Who was it? I wondered. Honestly, I didn't want to see anyone, especially at that moment, because I had red and swollen eyes, my hair in a messy bun, a big t-shirt and shorts.

But I didn't think about it much either, so I quickly got up from the couch and walked to the door. The doorbell rang again, it seemed like the person behind the door was desperate. "I'm coming!" I said, a little annoyed by the impatience. I opened the door and there was Nick, who looked very worried, and as if he had been crying, but little compared to what I had cried. "Y/n, I need help," Nick said. I knew this was serious, because he went straight to the point, without greeting or anything. Before I could ask, Nick explained what was happening: "Matt... he's not eating, he's not talking, he won't leave the room, Y/n please, we've tried everything, but-" I interrupted him, "Wait, wait, what happened to him?" I couldn't believe it, Matt was bad, very bad. Could it be because of...? "When you ran out that night, we went after Matt and found him crying on the floor. We took him home, we tried to talk to him, but he doesn't answer, he just locked himself in the room and won't come out. I'm afraid he's going to do something bad. I'm scared, Y/n."

I knew what happened between us had affected him, but hearing it from Nick? This is terrible. Nick is never afraid of anything. I knew I had to do something to help his brother, as much as it hurt me, Nick and his brothers were still my friends and seeing him so devastated broke my heart.

I tried to calm him down a bit, we spent some time together, but my mind was fixed on Matt, I had to help him. So when Nick left, I turned on my phone, after a few days off. And there were millions of messages from Matt, of all kinds, but they all ended with an 'I love you, I'm sorry'. I can't deny that my heart didn't break as I read the messages.

I couldn't wait any longer, there was no more time, I changed into a more comfortable outfit, greeted my mom and left the house, to head towards the triplets' house.

a/n: I cried writing this chapter. What happens when she goes to their house? I can't wait

love yall:))

[pollen]

i've been diving a lot deeper into adhd symptoms and comorbidities and misdiagnoses and whenever i tell my boyfriend something i learned that sounds like me he responds with something like

[girlscience]

the adrenaline rush after talking to someone who gives you severe anxiety but the conversation went super well and was super helpful: unparalleled

[dragonfyre-creations]

I don't think I've ever poured so many of my physical attributes and so much of my heart and soul into a character design before in such a personal way before so fuck it whenever I finish the final design for Faeng and whatever I come up with I'm making her into my sona (dragonsona? Persona? Idk how this works lmfao)

(long dump in the tags and under the cut)

The last time I was even remotely connected this much to a character was when I designed Jaxsu, but honestly never truly made her my sona/main character, she was just the one I used most often in art pieces. I never really actually liked her lore and backstory enough because she was what I wanted to be instead of what I am/was. Jax isnt perfect either, but her parents love her and otherwise has friends and is loved unconditionally. She has a healthy relationship with everyone and everything. This is where the disconnect happened and where I actually started to dislike her despite her being my otherwise favorite character for awhile. Both Faeng and Jaxsu have ADHD and Autism but Jaxsu was able to put that towards a job and becoming a ship captain and winning a colosseum tournament. She's done all of these great things so even if she didn't have a healthy relationship with her parents they'd still love her because she's done something impressive and useful.

Faeng on the other hand, has to fight for everything. Her parents are important and have important jobs, and place all of these unreachable and unrealistic expectations on her and expect her to reach them with minimal effort and be perfect, but she can't no matter how hard she tries. She needs someone to explain it and break it down for her in steps so she understands what do to and how to do it so she doesn't mess it up. She's both strong and smart but it's not in practical "normal" ways or subjects. It's convoluted, It's not in the ways everyone wants her to be, she has no teachers to help her understand how to channel that strength and intelligence into something "useful" so she puts it towards the things she likes and wants to do, and thus struggles in a world that would otherwise be easy to navigate and conquer if she were "normal". Those that do understand her and try to help her are alienated by other people in an attempt to either punish both of them or force her to adapt to be somewhat passing as normal, if not then at least listen to what she's told to do. She does eventually make acquaintances but find that her twisted speech and weird explanations aren't worth trying to decipher and understand so they leave, they don't put in the effort to meet her halfway even though she's struggling and doing her best to speak in a way they'll understand.

Her parents acknowledge her differences but in a way that frames it as flawed and wrong, something that needs to be corrected, and push her to figure out her problems by herself, tearing down any support network she tries to build. She tries her damned hardest but it's not enough, it never is and never will be for them because she's not the perfect child they wanted. She showed promise in her younger years being a "gifted child" so she knows what love and acceptance lies in wait and what could be if she could just be normal and perfect. Her achievements and promise come and show in waves. She burns and fizzles out in one of the most virulent, painful ways possible after getting hurt trying to prove her worth yet again. She holds nothing but criticism, vitriol and contempt for herself because she can't claw her way back to where she was before, this time something happened and something is terribly, horribly wrong this time but she doesn't know that it is and can't figure it out, nor will anyone tell her. Whatever it is, left a mental and several physical injuries and it does nothing but deepen her self hatred and her parent's waning belief in her. She listens to false promises and praise of other people who do nothing but wish to manipulate and harm her but she stays because any form of praise is deemed good, she hungers for more and does worsening things.

She ignores the people who tell her that what she's doing is dangerous and will only end in disaster, because she doesn't believe them. If the people who are saying they're her friends are telling her that the people she hurts deserve it and that what she's doing is good, then surely she needs to believe them over strangers, right? Everything comes to a breaking point and shatters around her leaving her with quite literally nothing but her own self hatred, newfound rage and overbearing mental issues she needs to navigate once again to find out what hell it is and what's wrong with her now. She's scared of everyone and everything with the added bonus of now being hyper-aware and perceptive of people's mannerisms and behaviors, especially those who want to manipulate or harm her again. She wraps every vulnerable part of herself in metaphorical thorns and teeth to bite and maim whoever pries and digs into what she truly is, even people who want to understand her. She suffers at more than her own hand, forcing herself to deal with everything alone, until she finally meets someone that could be considered a true friend. She slowly opens up and helps them as much as they help her before everything comes crashing back down once again upon the reveal that they've been lying to her the entire time about very serious issues, and she's been used as nothing more than an attack dog once again. She burns every bridge and everyone around her in one final breakdown of rage before shutting down completely. One of the groups of friends she's shoved stay comes back and asks if she's ok. She doesn't understand why they're being kind, why they're concerned it why they care and tries to shove them away again. Every single day they still ask, talking even if there's no response from her, until she finally relents and breaks.

She's finally loved and accepted despite every fault and every flaw she has, and every time she tries to pull away out of fear of being an inconvenience they pull back twice as hard and remind her that she's able to just exist, she doesn't need to constantly be useful and that they care. She finally, finally is comfortable enough to let herself be accepted and then becomes the most clingy little shit, just as they do with her. But yeah, my own life has been very much of the same, especially the last part. Every time I go on another self-hatred spiral and drop off the face of the earth my MonHun bros give me a metaphorical slap to the face and remind me that I don't need to constantly prove my worth to everyone and prove that I'm useful, and that existing every once in awhile is more than enough. If that doesn't work then it's "you need to get your ass back over here because we're failing the Safi siege without the absolutely ridiculous amount of DPS your build Switchaxe does". I was not intending for her to be so much like me but goddamnit she's wormed her way into being my favorite now and I guess Mirage is no longer my impromptu sona

[rvp32]

Possessive Love- Jennie Kim

not proofread, might contain spelling mistakes, and even bad grammar. Please forgive those but enjoy the story. Also posted this in light of her new comeback. Enjoy!

As the door to your luxury penthouse opens, you wait for the small figure to walk inside.

"I'm home…that party was a lot- I'm ready to relax!" A voice cries out cutely.

Except she didn't hear a reply back. Looking up, she sees you glaring a cold stare at her.

"What happened? Aren't you happy that I am here?" Jennie questions as she slowly walks toward you after taking off her heels

"What the fuck are you wearing? You wore that kind of outfit in public? At a party no less where everyone was ogling you?" You bark at her.

"Nobody was doing anything! I wore it because it was sexy. Why? do you not like it?" Jennie says, knowing very well you didn't but she still wanted to see how jealous you got

You glare your eyes at her even more.

"Too sexy. That is the problem."

Jennie rolls her eyes. "I can wear what I want. I'll do whatever I want!" She rebuts.

That pushes you over the edge, rationality completely leaving your mind!

You grab Jennie’s neck and pull her closer, tightening your grip around her neck.

"No you don't. You are mine! and you will only wear what I deem good enough for you! Just because you are the "CEO" of your company doesn't mean you can do what you want. You know I am the reason you hold that position right," You ask. Pulling her close enough to feel her breath on your lips

Your lips are on her in an instant and you roughly have your other hand touching her chest.

"I know your feet are sore from those heels. You did all this shit on purpose didn't you?" As you continue to kiss her, you drag her, walking backward to the sofa. Plopping down, you break the kiss and stare deep into her eyes.

"Baby girl…go sit on the other end of the sofa and get Daddy's cock nice and hard with those pretty feet of yours."

"Yes, I did this on purpose, given how busy you have been. I needed to pull something like this to finally get you to myself," Jennie says as she settles down on the other side of the sofa.

Jennie's feet slowly rub your clothed cock. Those pretty nails painted completely in matte black looked perfect rubbing your cock "Baby girl…you know you're one of my favorite sluts…I don't give keys to any of the mansions or penthouses to just anyone…it's a very short list.."

But Jennie slowly drags her toes across your pants, letting you feel her nails scratching just a bit. She pouts seductively.

"Suzy…Jisoo, Rosie…Naeun…Tzuyu…Seolhyun..Irene…" She begins to rattle off names.

You grasp her ankles and hold them down to keep the pressure on your cock. "Shut up. Don't waste your time thinking about them…Daddy is with you now princess so get to work."

"Show daddy what he has been missing? Show me why I should have you around me 24/7!" You say, hoping to get Jennie's competitive nature out.

It does, she immediately pulls your pants down and wraps her feet around your cock pumping it hard and fast

"Does daddy like my feet? do they feel good? None of the other sluts can ever use their feet as good as me can they now Daddy?" Jennie asks

You withhold a moan. She got aggressive right away…good…

"Mhmm..baby girl..you know Jisoo and Rosie…have some of my faves-"

But Jennie keeps pumping and then takes her left foot and scrunches her toes at your tip. Her right foot scrapes along your shaft but she then tries to put a part of your cock between her big and middle toe.

"What were you saying, Daddy? Am I getting you hard? Your cum will look so good all over my black polish. And Daddy…my feet are so sore from those heels…I'm sure you'll love the flavor later as you're fucking me…"

"Oh someone is jealous!" You tease Jennie, knowing very well that she would take this as provocation.

"I'm not jealous, I'm just speaking the truth," Jennie says as she continues to work your cock with her feet, occasionally playing with the tip. She knew how much you loved footjobs and she was taking full advantage of it.

"Fuck, princess your feet feel so good around my cock" You moan, you didn't want to boost her ego but she was in fact making you feel amazing right now

Jennie smirks and brings her feet together again on either side of your cock, rubbing her soles furiously up and down your hard mast.

"Tell me I'm better than them…no..I want Rosie and Jisoo to hear it…I'm the best right?" She says taking out her phone and hitting record.

"Quite the feisty little one aren't you? Do you really think you are better than them? And what if I tell them that? Don't you think they would barge in immediately and take away your personal time with me?" You question her. Hoping she would stop her call.

Jennie pauses for a moment but makes the call anyway, first to Rosie.

You narrow your eyes at the bratty girl but you know you'd turn this on her soon.

"That wasn't your brightest idea princess, You are going to regret calling Rose especially in the situation that we are currently in," You say to Jennie as she continues to play with your cock.

Rosie picks up the call.

"Hi! What's up?" She says, her Aussie accent like honey.

Jennie smirks. "I just wanted to call you because I'm with Daddy right now…" She says in a teasing manner.

"And you thought of calling me now? Tell me where you guys are. So we can have a nice conversation in person," Rose says catching on to what Jennie was trying to do

Jennie sticks her tongue out.

"No. I have him all to myself…I'm giving him a footjob, better than anything you've ever done."

Rosie rolled her eyes, now seeing what this call was really about.

"Yeah yeah, keep believing that. I know for sure that my footjobs are a 100 times better than yours," Rose says, infuriating Jennie

Rosie presses on.

"I'm his favorite for feet if not one of his..maybe Jisoo and Suzy too…he has lots…I know what he likes…why do you think I show mine off so much, especially with white polish? Yours are smaller and stubbier…there is no way you could beat me…"

"Fuck you bitch, your just jealous that his cock isn't in between your feet. I have him squirming under my feet right now all while you get nothing," Jennie fires back.

As Jennie continues to stroke your cock, you get an alert on your phone about the new photos and magazine release and you frown.

You were beyond shocked when you saw those pics. You grab Jennie by her hair and pull her toward you

"What the fuck do you think you have been doing? Why are you going around posing like a slut for these magazines?" You question your blood boiling because of how naughty these pics are.

"I'm done." You quickly get off the couch rummage through a drawer and pull out a collar.

"Collar, now. You need to be punished." You say coldly, leaving no room for argument.

The tone of your voice made it clear that you were angry, and this was beyond what Jennie had expected. She knew you would get angry but now she was in completely unknown territory to her, so she got on her knees in front of you

You stare coldly at her.

"You need to have my permission before shoots like this…to dress like a slut for all to see? What a dirty bitch you are. If what you want is for everyone to see you that way, fine. You're free to go…"

You step forward and stroke her cheek though, looking down at her.

"Or you can be a good girl and know your fucking place…put the collar on and tell Daddy how sorry you are."

Jennie takes the collar from your hand and puts it on. She knew what she did was way beyond what you tolerated and she also knew that if you wanted you could leave her here all hot and bothered and never be allowed to be in the same room as you ever again. Jennie couldn't live without you. Your dick was the only thing that could satisfy her greedy little pussy.

"I am really sorry daddy, I just wanted to get your attention. I didn't think that you would be this angry," Jennie apologizes.

But you knew you had to push her, watch her break.

"Rosie's still on the call…maybe I should just go to her and fuck her brains out…Jisoo too…or any of the other hundreds of girls I could have at my beck and call right now. Tell me how fucking sorry you are. Are you stupid? Are you an attention-seeking whore?"

"I am so fucking sorry Daddy. I have been a dumb bitch. I will never do it again!" Jennie begged, she cut the call and was now on her knees her head near your feet.

You could see her body literally shaking in fear. Fear of you throwing her away and never even thinking about her again. She couldn't fathom the thought of you not filling up her tight pussy all because she wanted to be a whore in a magazine shoot so that you would show her some attention

"Don't look down on the ground! Look at me. What am I to you, Jennie? You could have anyone you want..you could get any dick you want, especially now after these pics. So go then, you can keep the collar but get the fuck out of my apartment. I. Am. Done. With. You."

"NO no! please please forgive me, Daddy. Pleasee I won't ever do this again. Don't make me leave pleasee. I NEED YOU. I don't care about anyone else. I want Daddy only you Daddy all the others are nothing compared to you," Jennie begged, tears spilling out like a broken dam.

The gravity of the situation was beyond what she could handle, she realized the magnitude of what she had done and it was killing her.

"Then you better fucking empty my balls…whatever the fuck I want. You're just my slut to use…so suck my cock better than you ever have in your dirty life."

Hearing this Jennie gets to work, playing and worshipping your cock like never before. The pure fear of you throwing her away showed a side of her that you never thought you would see.

You roll your head back with pleasure.

"Fuck yes, baby girl…prove your worth to your Daddy…fucking choke on it…worship it…" You hold her head in place with one hand and begin thrusting harshly, slamming your tip against her throat's walls.

Jennie takes it well. She was willing to do anything and everything to make sure that you were happy with her again. her tears now flowing due to the big cock down her throat.

"You fucking love this don't you? Being used like the whore you are. That is all that you are to me…Your tears are a result of your insolence.."

You keep bashing your cock inside her mouth. "Just fucking on it all.." You try and push your cock down her throat..your balls hitting her chin and lips and you keep it there, testing how long she could hold her breath.

Jennie slowly began loving it. After her throat had adjusted to the size of your massive cock, she started to enjoy it, her pussy getting wetter than it already was. This was just another signal to you that you could keep going

You had to contain your surprise…she was adjusting? She would be hard to break…but maybe you just needed to break her spirit and heart instead..break her mind…make her unable to live, to think, to even breathe without your touch and cock.

Jennie looked up at you her eyes full of tears but there was a look almost like she was hoping you would compliment and forgive her because of how well she was doing but you knew that this was only the beginning.

"What is that? Are you seeking my approval? Do you think that was good enough? How stupid. Tell me, what good are you to me?"

You say touching her cheek again and brushing her hair, she really was beautiful like this, not that you would ever admit it.

She tries to take your dick out of her mouth to reply to you but you push it back in surprising her all the way down her throat not allowing her to breathe. you pull out by yourself after having your cock in her for a few seconds. Finally giving Jennie some much-needed air

"I didn't tell you to take it out now did I? You only do everything that I tell you to? A pretty little slut like you doesn't need to think. See we ended up in this horrible situation because of you thinking," You say.

"Strip Jennie…strip and lie down on the floor and spread…let me see that dirty pussy…let me see your slutty body on full display only for me.."

"yes, Daddy," is all Jennie says before following your command, She was now lying on the cold hard marbled floor. completely naked, her legs spread open and her pussy visibly drenched.

"you are awfully wet aren't you, for someone who is being punished. Maybe I am being too nice to you" You say.

"I wonder how long you would stay there if I command it..I wonder if you would resist any of my requests? If I wanted to sit on you and choke my cock down your throat? If I wanted to piss all over your body? If I wanted to shove a toy in your cunt and take you to the edge until your mind break…show me your loyalty, baby girl."

"anything daddy. I am willing to do anything for you to forgive my stupidity, please. I just don't want you to throw me away." Jennie begs.

You smirk and decide to test her words…you approach her and gently sit atop her chest. You line up your cock to her mouth and slam down forcefully, making her choke. Your balls hit her chin once again but this time gravity and your floor trapped her helpless body.

"I'm going to fuck your pretty mouth and who knows I might even piss in it." Jennie tries her best to adjust to your roughness and eventually, she does, her eyes gleaming in excitement at the thought of you pissing right down her throat. Seeing as you weren't going to throw her away immediately she was quite happy as this was exactly what she wanted and a little more.

You growl as you thrust harshly against her throat.

"Fucking take it, baby girl..you stupid whore! I want to hear you beg for my cum..for my piss down your throat..fucking beg like a stupid slut!"

The rougher you got the more Jennie responded. Her hands gripping your thighs, not to stop you but to keep you from sliding out of her mouth. Her pussy making a mess on the marble floor. She desperately needed any stimulus but she wasn't getting any

"I know what you want, baby girl…but did you think you wouldn't be punished? No…I'm going to call another slut of my choosing and I'm going to fuck their brains out in front of you. You'll understand how it feels when I see wear those outfits for others."

You can see the panic set in her eyes. She wanted you all to herself. Didn't care about what you were doing to her but she didn't want any other bitch putting her nasty hands on you especially when Jennie was in the same room.

You knew this was the thing she would hate the most…losing…losing you…losing you to someone else…maybe someone younger…someone who had potential…the creeping idea that you could replace her, not with just someone of her caliber like her bandmates, no…someone so much lesser…but who would you call?"

Many options came to your mind, and one of them was Julie. A new idol who was very well-loved and was also hailed as the next Jennie because of her sexy acts on stage. Maybe calling her would send Jennie off the edge completely breaking her. Or natty was also another option, your options were potentially unlimited.

You make a decision and grab your phone, deciding to call Julie.

"I want you here now. I'll send you the address. Get here quickly." You say coldly and then hang up.

Jennie shakes her head, trying to push your cock out of her mouth. To tell you something but you couldn't care about what she had to say

"Did tell you to move?" you ask.

Jennie nods her head.

" then why the fuck are you trying to move?" You ask again, showing her who is in control

You then go grab a couple of items, one was a tiny pill, and the other a vibrator to be inserted.

"I'm going to stuff this in you and turn it on..don't you dare fucking cum and take your pill." You say, forcefully shoving the pill down her throat.

It was something you had developed…those who consumed the pill would have all their senses heightened but it only responded to your scent and your touch. It was the ultimate activation of all their desire and senses, making most of them brain mush for you. Their horniness would be beyond control.

Tears were rolling down her eyes. But she did exactly as you instructed. Taking the pill and waiting for you to put the prepped vibe into her pussy

"Daddy please, I will be a good girl. I will do anything you want. Please just tell whoever you called to go back. Whoever it is, I can be better than them. You know me, right Daddy? Pleaseee," Jennie pleads hoping that you would change your mind before she came.

The pill was already taking its effect on Jennie's body. Her hand slowly tugged her nipple. Her body heated up much more, her pussy creating a puddle much bigger than before.

You smirk and again stroke her face with your hand, but even that simple touch makes her squirt and shriek.

"You must be on fire right now…you desire so me badly right now…your body craves it, is starved for it…good…it will hurt all the more. I think you'll hate who I chose to receive my seed today."

Jennie's body still recovering from something as simple as a touch. Her body felt like it was as hot as the fucking sun and the only thing that was keeping her even the least bit sane was your scent that lingered in the room

"D-daddy, pleaseee. Touch me, Use me, Destroy me. Please," Jennie managed to whisper as she tried her best not to rub her swollen clit.

"Did I even permit you to speak? You'll stay there until I tell you otherwise. Stay on the floor, I want to watch you squirm until she arrives."

Not being able to keep her legs open any more Jennie closes them rubbing her tighs together. Trying her best to quell her thirst for your touch. The fact that you were just sitting her was already driving her crazy. All she could think about was your cock and all the ways you could shove it into her.

You then chuckle and activate the vibrator inside her pussy too, you control its tempo and power, making sure to edge her without letting her cum.

The sudden pleasure provides a small sense of relief from the immense heat inside of her but it soon becomes worse. She was now being tortured both physically and mentally. Her body went into overdrive with all the pleasure and her mind slowly turned into mush.

"Beg..speak baby girl…how are you feeling hmm?"

"It's so hot daddy. my body… My body is burning. I need you Daddy pleasee, it is-"

Jennie wasn't able to finish her sentence as you turned up the vibrator. Her body jerked with the sudden increase in pleasure, she was now grabbing at her tits trying her best not to let her hand near her pussy because all it would take was a single touch and she would come undone.

"This is your punishment baby girl…what's wrong? Don't like the vibrator? Your body is burning thanks to the effects of my toys and yet…you just can't have me."

"hngggh daddy I need you, this vibrator doesn't do anything it is just-" Jennie isn't able to finish the sentence as you increase the intensity.

"You need me? Do you need me? Then why dress like a slut in public for all to see? You break my rules, baby girl…"

"I'm sorry Daddy I am ssooo sorry I won't do it again. So please, please just touch mee!!" Jennie whines.

you grunt as you rush over and yank the vibrator out before shoving my cock inside her pussy without warning and kissing her. Thanks to the special item and now my touch, her body was overwhelmed and her brain was going to be turned into mush.

The pleasure completely overtook her body. her brain could focus on nothing but your cock that was stretching her pussy. It was like finding water in a desert for Jennie. She didn't just want it her body needed this

"Is this what you wanted baby girl? What you needed?" I growl and kiss her and begin to drill into her pussy with abandon.

"Who the fuck owns you? Who owns this pussy? As I slap my balls against her folds and bury my cock inside her walls over and over over.

Jennie couldn't say anything, her brain completely turned to mush with the overbearing pleasure from your cock.

She wanted to answer you, but her brain wasn't able to produce a sensible answer. All that came out of her mouth were mumbles of nonsense in between moans.

"I asked you a question!" I shout as I then pull out my cock from her pussy and don't let it touch her.

"No! no, please put it back in daddy, my pussy, my body, and my everything belongs to Daddy, daddy owns every single inch of my body, it's his to use," Jennie manages to say as her body revolts from the lack of stimulus at her pussy.

You then hammer my cock back into her pussy and kiss her deeply before starting back again roughly. You choke her neck and begin battering her pussy again, making sure your head reached the depths, practically knocking at her walls.

The room is filled with the sound of moans and bodies slapping against each other. The pleasure was just perfect for Jennie, you could see her eyes roll back and her pussy wrapping around your cock tightly almost as if it was trying to hold you in there.

"Never forget who you belong to, baby girl. Never forget who owns this pussy, your holes, who decides what you wear and when. Never forget your place as my cock hungry cumslut!"

"yes yes yes daddy. I belong to you only you. I will do anything and everything you say so please pleasee just keep pounding my pussy Daddy," Jennie screams

I can only focus on the relentless drilling of her cunt, over and over against the sturdy floor…to ruin the mighty and world-class Jennie Kim.

"Take it all…cum for me baby girl."

"Hnghhh fuckkk!" Jennie screams and cums all over your cock. It's like a dam broke, water gushing all over your cock.

"That's my good girl…" Her extra juices only helped me slide into her tight cunt as I chased my own release and merely used her flesh for my desires.

"Fuck fuck fuckk daddy! Too much fuck I'm losing my mind daddy!" Jennie moans

"Too much baby girl? It's never enough baby girl. I decide when it's too much or else I'll just stop right now and I won't empty my seed in you. Do you want your pussy to remain starved? I can give my seed to a different whore. Just shut up and take my cock!"

"no no please I need it! yes Daddy give me your cum please," Jennie moans

"Good!" I grunt and keep slamming into her pussy, deeper, harder, rougher, drilling into her cunt as deep as possible.

"I'm close baby girl…beg for it."

"Yes, Daddy cum in me please! dump all that thick baby batter into my pussy pleasee! Fucking breed me Daddy I need that fucking cum pleasee!!" Jennie screamed as you continued to pound into her

"That's it, baby girl! Yes. I'll breed you. I'll unload into this fucking cunt..this cunt that belongs to me. You dirty whore…what is that song of yours called? Mantra? The only mantra I want to hear is your screams, breed me, Daddy..breed me. I'm your whore. Now say it back!"

"yes breed me please please pleaseee," Jennie's begging was going to send you over the edge soon

It gave me the extra boost I needed as I spear her pussy with more powerful thrusts before erupting..gushing a hot stream of thick white batter..blasting it like a cannon.

"Fuck yes! Take it all baby girl…" You're mine.." I say kissing her lips fiercely before biting at her neck

"FUCKKKK, it's so hot Daddy! It feels so fucking amazing in my belly. you are cumming so much that you might actually breed me," Jennie says

"You'd give it all up for me, wouldn't you princess? Your entire career to be bred by me?"

I ask giving a few more thrusts making sure every drop was deposited in her walls.

"Yes, Daddy I would give up everything for you, all you have to do is say the word and it's done."

"Not yet baby girl, but congrats on your song release…" Just don't go out wearing shit I don't approve of okay?"

"Yes Daddy I won't"

[perfctvelvet]

can you do sabrina carpenter!!

Happy Fucking New Year; Sabrina Carpenter/Fem!Reader

Content: 2nd POV. Strangers, alcohol mention, semi-public (hooking-up in the bathroom of some rich person's house), making out, oral sex

No one wanted to be alone this New Years and you were no exception. The only problem was that your friend, the one who happens to the social butterfly brought you to a party where you don't know anyone here besides her. Everyone was dressed to the nines; shimmering dresses with make up to match and expensive suits. Having a friend who works in PR was an unexpected perk in her life, but having a friend who works in PR means when you're out they're always in networking mode. Coming here, to some random person's mega-mansion, was thrilling at first but the shine was beginning to dull immediately.

You had lost your friend somewhere in the fray of the fancy just less than an hour before midnight. Many people were here with partners, spouses, and lovers, and to you it seemed like you and your friend were the only single ones. You didn't let it get to you because you had her, but now she was gone. All you had was your too-small purse and a vodka soda you weren't a big fan of.

Just as the night couldn't get more painful, someone bumps into you. There was no love lost for the beverage that you spilled but now it was all over your dress. You may have been feeling alone, but your dress was the only thing you had. You got it one random day in the summer at the encouragement of your friend that she will give you a reason to wear it. You felt confident walking out of the car tonight and into the party. That was only two hours ago and oh how everything seemed to cave in.

"Fuck! I'm so, so sorry!"

This woman who bumped into you sounded sincere in her apologies. At first you thought you were being mocked, but the way she tried to wipe off your dress before it could stain seemed too real.

"I-It's okay."

You couldn't even bring yourself to look at her. Instead you were looking around you at the people who were beginning to look at the commotion. You were hoping to lock eyes with your friend so she could rescue you, but she was still nowhere to be found.

"Ugh! C'mon!"

Before you could register what was going on, you were being dragged away by the woman who ruined your dress. You were too relieved by being saved from the embarrassment to make a fuss. She lead you to one of the many guests bathroom in the house. She was bold, shutting the door behind you two and almost forcing you to sit on the counter. She grabbed one of the fancy, embroidered towels and wets it to continue her efforts to save your dress. Even though you appreciated her eagerness to fix her mistake, you can't help but be enamored and a little amused by the situation.

"It was just a vodka soda. Don't worry, it's not going to stain my dress."

It seems as if your voice is what gets to her. She slowly stops frantically wiping off the parts of your dress that is covered in vodka and looks up at you. She's stunning, so much so that you begin to lose your confidence.

"I hope I didn't take you away from whoever you cam here with." She finally puts the towel down and you get to hear her voice in a more relaxed state.

"No, no, I just came with a friend, but I lost her somewhere so I was just kind of by myself." You felt like a loser saying that out loud, but something lights up in the stranger's eyes at your confession.

"Glad I'm not the only one here feeling a little dejected."

"What do you mean?"

She points to the spot next to you, gesturing if she could sit beside you. There was plenty of space on the counter and she didn't have to ask, but you made space for her anyway.

"What was supposed to be a girls' night New Years Eve get together turned into us coming here, and just like you I have no clue where my friends with."

It wouldn't be shocking to either of them if their friends found someone gorgeous and well-off to talk to, but you were sure your friend was more concerned with making connections than the imminent countdown to the new year. You empathized with this woman, but still couldn't get over the shock that someone who looks like her was feeling the same loneliness tonight.

"I guess that's a common theme tonight. It's never really happened before so I think that's why it stings so much. I'm Y/n by the way."

"Sabrina," she sticks her hand out for you to take which you do. You two shake hands for a few seconds before breaking away. You felt like you had made a new friend tonight and you were a little proud of yourself. You were never the most sociable one in the room, so it's fitting that your main way of meeting new people is through an embarrassing moment.

"You said you came here with a friend? Just one? Are they a friend or a friend."

"Just a friend. We were roommates one year in college and I reached out to her when I moved out here to LA. She's always been primed for this kind of life, not me, so I needed her to guide me through the upsides and downs of living here."

"There are a lot of ups, like being invited to some rich ass dude's New Years Eve party. The downs would be the perpetual loneliness that seems like a requirement."

"I take it you've been in LA for years?"

"Almost two decades now. Feels like it's been a life time."

"Do you like it? I've only been here for two years and I'm still figuring out how I feel about it."

"Well, like you said, it has it's ups and downs. Some times there are more downs than ups, and vice versa. I would say right now that sitting in the bathroom of a boring party with a pretty girl who is being kind to me after I fucked up her dress is one of the ups."

You break eye contact with her to spare yourself the embarrassment. You feel a heat creep up your neck and beat you right in the face. You never learned how to take a compliment without completely crumbling. You already found Sabrina to be interesting and pretty, but now your heart was starting to beat out of your chest.

"And I hope this doesn't sound weird, but I'm kind of glad I literally ran into you. I saw you earlier in the party and I couldn't stop staring at you. I hope I don't sound like a creep."

"No, not at all! I'm just shocked to say the least."

What snapped you out of your shock was the sound of people cheering and getting rowdy outside of the bathroom. At first you feared someone was going to come in, ruining your solace. But then Sabrina checks her phone and sees that it's almost midnight.

"Two more minutes then it's 2024. I'll be honest, Y/n, I didn't expect to spend my last minutes of 2023 like this. I sort of feel like a klutz."

"Don't be sorry. Like I said my dress is fine, just a little sticky, but one wash it'll be alright."

The both of you end up getting distracted by the rowdiness outside the door. You were half tempted to get up and join them just to watch everyone ring in the New Year together, but you stay put. You notice how Sabrina isn't budging and you get the impression that she wants to stay with you in her last moments of 2023. Soon the start the countdown.

"10...9...8...7..."

In just a few seconds you feel fingers weave through yours and Sabrina grabbing your face. You let her control your body, turning your head to face her.

"6...5...4..."

It takes just seconds for your heart to flutter with an emotion you haven't felt in a long time.

"3...2...1...Happy New Year!"

Sabrina's lips meet yours on the very first syllable of "happy." For the first time in years you genuinely felt the meaning.

At first it felt innocent, just two lonely souls filling the void together, but Sabrina didn't want to pull away. She kissed you deeper, harder. The lust was radiating off of her and it was overwhelming. The last way you expected to bring in the new year was a bathroom hook-up, but surprisingly you weren't turned off to the idea. No one has ever come on this strong to you before and being in LA you were beginning to think you were a love repellant. This kiss left your breathless and starving for more. You grab onto Sabrina, unintentionally laying one hand on her breast in the process. Neither of you seemed to care as your tongues bumped against each other's. It was becoming a little sloppy, with Sabrina taking you there, but you enjoyed it. There is a hint of lemon on her tongue and you wondered why type of drinks a girl like Sabrina would drink. She was bold, yet refreshing.

Sabrina pulls away, panting and her lipstick smudged. She's looks a little messy now but she smiles regardless. She's so happy that you're receptive to her touch and that you seemed to enjoy the kiss too.

"Was that too much?" She wipes the edges of her mouth.

"I think we're beyond the point of worrying about what's too much now."

You're the one to lean in this time. You continue what Sabrina started, the blonde leaning into this time until she wraps her arms around your neck. You were at the point of no return and you wouldn't dare turn back. You wanted more; you wanted her.

"Do you think you can be quiet?" You ask her between kisses?

She hums affirmatively against your lips before you break the kiss. She moans breathlessly when your lips land on her neck. So much for being quiet because her moan fills the room. Of course the party outside still raged on as being in a whole new year put a new life into the party. The sound of the bass of the music thumped against the walls, but nothing could overtake the sound of Sabrina's sweet moans. You finally get between her legs, your knees pressed into the soft rug. She places her legs on your shoulders and you come face to face with her pussy. It didn't surprise you, but seeing her without panties made your face grow hot.

"I hope you don't mind, I left them at home," she says with a salacious tone.

You didn't mind at all, you were happy to have easier access to her wet pussy. You can't go another minute without it seeing what she tastes like. Sabrina whines when your face disappears between her legs under her dress. She pulls it up and catches the very moment your tongue meets her dripping sex. She moans so loud that she has to put her own hand over her mouth. You lick and lick and lick and somehow she's able to keep herself from screaming out in pleasure. It was like you knew her body and knew what buttons to press. She feels a rush run through her and she's on cloud nine. Never has a stranger made her so happy and feels so good. She moves her hand from her mouth and promises herself she'll be good and keep as quiet as possible. She knuckles turn white as she grips the edge of the counter.

"Oh Y/n that feels so fucking good," she whines. "I've been thinking about this all night."

The thought of someone being so turned on by you that they fantasized about it after seeing you once was astounding. You were shocked to have that power over someone, especially over someone so beautiful. You felt lucky, lucky to be invited here (the party and between Sabrina's legs). You pull away from her pussy and rub her clit.

"Did you want me so bad that you spilled a drink on me?"

Sabrina doesn't answer, just moans as she throws her head back in pleasure. You stop rubbing her clit to insert a finger into her pussy. When she feels your tongue back on her clit paired with the finger inside of her she almost cums. But she wants to savor the taste, feel this forever. She thinks she's strong enough to hold herself back, but your fingers are stronger than her will. You insert another one into her and her walls wrap warmly and tightly around the two. Your hitting the spot that makes her legs shake. Sabrina desperately wants to cry out loud, but she wouldn't dare risk getting caught and letting the moment end. She's so so close, tettering on that blissful edge. You kiss her inner thigh not once, or twice, but a few times. It makes her legs shake. She forgets about trying to hold back when she feels the 5th kiss pressed to her thigh.

She fears that you might get turned off by how hard she cums, but you enjoy it very much. She closes her eyes, bites her lip, and tosses her head back in ecstasy. A tear runs down her rosy cheek too. Her make-up is probably too fucked up for saving, but no one is going to care, so neither does she.

"Earth to Sabrina...you here with me?" You tease her. You're not sure if she likes that, but she just let you eat her out and finger, a little teasing is harmless in comparison.

She opens her eyes a few seconds later and a sweet, relaxed smile forms on her face.

"People are probably looking for us," you say to her when she finally looks down at you.

"Let them look."

[wandamaximoffsbadgirl]

Our Safe Haven

Wanda x little!fem!reader

Word count: 1.1K

Warnings: None this is very fluffy

Authors notes: I had a thought while rewatching DSMOM yesterday. What if...Wanda hadn't been consumed by the darkhold?

“Baaaaaa Baaaaaaa.” 

You woke up to the sound of sheep with a smile on your face. Jumping out of bed and changing into your shortalls and pulling on your perfectly white mid-crew socks. Your tongue sticking out a bit as you pull on your cowgirl boots. You were ready to bolt out the front door when Wanda caught you, we'll her magic did, making you giggle.

“Mama! Mama!” you cried out with a giggle as she carefully placed you down at the kitchen table. She turned around with your breakfast of eggs, bacon, and toast. You wiggled in your seat as she set the plate down, leaning over to kiss the top of your head. 

“Good morning detka. Feeling small this morning?” She asked sweetly with a smile as you put some eggs on your fork and you nodded, shoving the food into your mouth, a little ‘mhmm' coming from you. Wanda simply smiled at you, the little light of her life that she found after The Westview Incident.

The moment you were done you bolted out of the house. Your great Pyrenees, Lola, getting up from her spot to follow behind you as you run to the sheep, letting them out to roam and running around with them.

.°⋆.°⋆𐚁

“Apples, right?” Strange asked, making Wanda look up. She was pruning one of the many apple trees that were on the property the two of you had purchased with the money Tony had left everyone.

“Eventually.” She handed him the small branch that was blossoming. 

“Smells…”

“Sweet?”

“I was gonna say real.” Strange said in an accusatory tone making Wanda's face fall.

“It's all very real. Thanks. I put the magic behind me.” Wanda looked over at you, watching as you herded the sheep with Lola laying nearby, watching. 

Strange followed her eyesight. Watching carefully. “Who's the girl?”

“Y/N. I met her after I left Westview. I was looking for a remote place to settle down and she worked at the general store in the secluded town. Eventually I found myself falling in love again.” Wanda smiled, a genuine smile before turning back to Strange. “Well, I knew sooner or later you'd... show up, wanting to discuss what happened at WestView. I made mistakes, and people were hurt.”

“But you put things right in the end and that was never in doubt. I'm not here to talk about WestView.” 

Before Wanda could ask why he was here you came running up, “Mama! Mama!” You hadn't noticed the man at first otherwise you wouldn't have called her Mama, you knew better as you shied away, pressing your face into her. 

Strange was befuddled by the exchange happening in front of him, but watched Wanda soothe you back down, “It's okay little one. He's a friend. He helped me save the world. Your favorite story to hear.” She spoke softly, kissing the top of your head. Wanda looked back at Strange, “So if Not Westview then what are you here for?” Wanda questioned as you looked up at her. 

It was rare that she talked about Westview. When you first met she had mentioned coming from there and that things didn't go as planned. She needed a fresh start. 

“What do you know of the multiverse?” The man asked as you turned slightly to look between them.

“The multiverse. Vis had his theories. He believed it was real. And dangerous.” Wanda's voice shifted slightly, her grip on you tightening ever so slightly. 

Vis…a name you'd heard twice. She always left him out of the stories she told. She tried once, but started to cry. The second was in passing, you heard her ask herself, “Would you have liked this Vis?” You pretended not to hear her. Deciding it was best not to acknowledge it.

“Well, he was right about both. We found a girl who can somehow travel across it but she's being pursued.” Strange informed the two of you and you looked up at Wanda happily about possibly a new friend, but Wanda looked worried. Her grip tightens further on you. A small squeak coming out of you. 

“Mama…” You spoke softly, tugging on her shirt. She looked down at you trying to hide the swirling emotions in her eyes. You saw it though and you didn't mean to, but it brought you right back to a big headspace. “Love what's wrong? What is it?” Your hands cup her cheeks and she practically melts at your touch. It grounds her back down. 

“I'm fine.” Her voice betrays her with a slight crack as she looks back at Strange. 

“You can bring her here. She'll be safe and Y/N can keep her company.” 

“Are you sure Wanda? It won't be too much trouble?” He asks as she shakes her head in response. 

“No trouble at all Stephen.” She plasters a smile on her face as Strange portals back to the temple. 

“What's wrong?” You ask sternly. “He's not here, it's just us Wanda. I know something isn't right.” She tries to pull away, but you hold her there.

“When we met I was in possession of something called the darkhold. It gave me a lot of resources, but it all came at a price. I found the price was too high once I got to know you. I knew I couldn't have both so,” her hands find yours on her face, “I gave it up so we could live our life. So I could leave my past where it belongs. But now with this I can feel that itch. The want—no the need for it again.” 

A pained expression covered your features. You could tell she was struggling and so you did the only thing you knew how to do when she got like this, her thoughts swirling and drowning her in her past mistakes, you kissed her. It was soft and she barely pressed back, but you felt it. 

“We'll get through this. I'm here for you Wands. Didn't I already tell you when you told me who you were?” Wanda looked down at you, waiting for the reminder, needing it right now. “You aren't a monster. What you did is in the past. We can't change that. We can only be better in the future.” 

She leaned her forehead against yours, a smile slowly spreading on her face. “Thank you for the reminder my little love.” She spoke in a whisper as you reached a hand to tangle in her hair, scratching gently as she closed her eyes. 

“We're gonna make it through this. Do what we have to and keep moving forward.” You tell her as she nods against you. 

“How'd I get so lucky?” she whispers.

“I ask myself that question every time I look at you.” you whisper back as you hear a portal opening behind you. Getting ready to face the next chapter of your life together.

[multific]

A Thousand Years

Astarion x Reader

Summary: Astarion tells a story of love.

"Tell me about your wife." said the man sitting in front of Astarion, the room was quiet around them, only the crackling of the fire could be heard.

Upon hearing the word, wife, Astarion's features softened. 

"It might be a long one."

"I want to hear it." insisted the man as he leaned back in his chair, waiting for Astarion to start.

Astarion smiled, his eyes filled with love as he began.

"My wife... My beloved Y/N. She saved me you know, in more ways than one. She not only helped me kill the man who caused me so much pain and suffering, but she saved me from myself.

My beloved was a strong woman, brave and incredibly beautiful. She was a kind soul and yet, she could kill a thousand men without taking a break.

She loved songs and loved to dance. Although that might be because I was the one dancing with her. She often said she didn't wish to dance with anyone else but me.

She enjoyed sweets. But only the ones I have given her.

And even if I told her not, she kept on eating them.

It has been so long yet, I will never forget her laugh. She became my world. You know, it wasn't even intentional, I fell in love by accident. I was only meant to seduce her so she would help me kill Cazador. And yet I found myself in love.

But make no mistake, I never regretted the feelings I have. Not once. Falling in love with her was so easy.

I am quite privileged to be able to tell that she was my wife.

My... scars on my back, she cried when she first saw them. She hugged me and told me how sorry she was for I had to endure such pain. She kissed me and cried at the same time. I was so confused by it, I didn't know what to do.

But then, not long after, I asked her to marry me." Astarion looked at the gold band on his finger.

"I never believed in marriage, I thought it was silly for people to bind themselves to one another, and the symbol of it all... a simple ring. I laughed at the idea until I met the person I never wanted to let go of again. Suddenly I wanted nothing more but to have her bonded to me and for me to be bonded to her. I looked and searched for the perfect rings. Matching ones, but hers had a simple stone in the middle. A stone which was made of our blood. The perfect diamond, mixed with my and her blood. And then, we were married. Not like the words of others mattered to me, I would have been happy just to have her in my life, but to have her as my wife... it meant everything. 

I will not bore you of the events directly after the wedding, leave it up for your imagination I suppose, but I can assure you, she was the first woman who could have me at her feet with a simple look.

And she always looked at me with so much love and care. She was always so gentle and lovely.

When people say love burns like fire, they lie, my love for her burns like lava, much like the core of the Earth. I was ready to destroy everything and everyone who would dare get between us. If I had to, I would have burnt down villages for her, for she was mine.

And not long after, she gave me the greatest gift. 

A gift so precious.

I will never forget the look on her face when she told me, pure happiness.

She was with child.

Something I never even thought would be possible for me and yet there she was, getting more and more round with my child, with my son. Our son.

She was the sun for me. I have lived a long life in darkness and pain, and she made it all go away with a simple simple. I had a life of happiness thanks to her." Astarion leaned back in his chair once more when the noises from the kitchen stopped.

"STOP TELLING PEOPLE I'M DEAD!"

"I have never used the word 'dead', My Love." Astarion turned to look at you as you exited the kitchen.

"But you made it sound like I am." you pouted as Astarion looked at the ring on your finger, he smiled as you placed the food on the table. "Don't listen to him, Love, he is but an old romantic." you said as you sat down.

"I am very much aware, Mother. I just like to listen to him talk about you." admitted your son as he smiled at the two of you. Now a grown man, yet all you could see was him as a little boy running around the house, hair silver like his father's but eyes the same as yours.

"That's because I love your mother very much."

"I love you too." you replied as you all finally began to eat.

You two loved each other for a thousand years, and you will continue to love for another thousand to come.

Your son could only hope to find such love.

Taglist: @fleursirvart@greenarrowhead @thisismysecrethappyplace@sincerelyfan@theoneanna@aestheticsandmarvel@rororo06@castellandiangelo@destynelseclipsa@spilledinkindumpster@capsiclesdoll@puknow@alwayshave-faith@alex12948@lxdyred@imagines-by-a-typical-fangirl@anonymoussherlockandmarvelgeek@praline357 @trshngyn@avengers-r-us @violet-19999 @top1bbgloak @manduse@jacalineiscomingforyou @mandoloriancookie@noname2246

In case you want to help out a dreamer: patreon.com/multific  

~Masterlist~

ˇAO3ˇ

DO NOT STEAL, REPOST OR TRANSLATE ANY OF MY WORKS  

[alotofrandomfangirling]

Dating Roronoa Zoro would include (liveaction!Zoro x female!reader headcanons)

Tw: slight cursing, a bit suggestive towards the end, mentions of sword fighting

A/n: okay so i decided to give it a try myself lol this is completely based off the live action (i haven't watched the anime nor read the manga). I hope you like it, i'm so in love with our green haired baby 🥰 also forgive me for any mistakes, english is not my first language 🙏🏻

• First things first,we gotta make it clear: Zoro acts tough and all but deep down he is a big softie akslajskak

• The thing is, because of his past, he isn't very used to being treated kindly

• So when he found you it was like his world completely changed

• He cherished every little act of care you did for him

• He loooved when you ran your fingers through his hair

• He would close his eyes and enjoy it with a small smile on his lips

• Or when you caressed the back of his neck when you kissed him

• It drove him crazyyy

• He loved these little delicate touches that made his heart do a backflip

• And how about when you grabbed his face, looked deep into his eyes and kissed the tip of his nose?

• Boy would blush like hell

• "You're so cute when you blush" - you'd tease him with another kiss on the cheek

• "No, i'm not" - he said frowning and trying to brush that off, which only made you giggle and kiss him again

• You would always make sure to let him know how much you loved him

• And even though he wasn't the best in expressing his feelings, you could feel how grateful he was for that

• He would always look at you with the most passionate eyes and that's when you knew he loved you just as much

• And he would show it too

• Hell he would do anything for you

• Once he made Sanji prepare a whole feast for you (with him helping ajdkajskaj) because you accidentally let slip you missed food from home

• Or that time he secretly bought you a cute bracelet he saw you staring at when you stopped by at a village

• That's how much he loved you and wanted to make you happy

• And the straw hats would always tease you guys about it

• Except poor Luffy who didn't understand anything that was going on lol

• But he saw how happy you both were and, if his crew was happy, he was happy too

• Now Zoro wasn't much of PDA

• But he made sure to show everyone you belonged to each other

• He would usually put his arm around your waist or around your shoulders

• (When he did the latter one, you liked to intertwine your fingers with his which he thought was super cute ajskajskja)

• You on the other hand liked to hook your arm with his when he had his hand in his pocket

• Let's be honest you loved feeling the strong muscles of his arms

• Yeah, his physique was something you admired a lot

• You loved to watch him practice his sword fighting

• The way his strong arms moved

• That pretty face he did when he was concentrated

• The way his fingers moved on the sword

• Him all sweaty...

• okay let's stop over there

• He noticed you watching and one day he had a brilliant idea (or so he thought)

• You were a very skilled fighter, but you had never tried fighting with a weapon

• So he decided to teach you how to fight with his swords

• Ngl it was tough

• But you were very decided to try your best

• But actually the best part turned out to be being extra close to him

• "Hey, you have to position your arms like this" - he said as he gently lift your arms with a touch so soft it gave you butterflies

• He stood behind you as he helped you correctly hold the sword, putting his hands in yours (yeah like a big cliche move lol)

• He was so close you could feel his breath on the back of your neck

• Which only made you even more distracted and had you get the move wrong again

• "Zoro, love, let's be honest, i can't do it. You are the greatest swordsman i know and i'll never be any close to that, so let's just give up" - you said, frustrated

• "What? No. (Y/N), you are the most determined and dedicated person i've ever known and i'm sure you can do anything you want" - he said, holding your hand and looking at you lovingly - "just... try it one more time. For me?" - he said with puppy eyes and you couldn't say no to the man you loved so much

• You grabbed the sword again and to your surprised you nailed the movement

• "I did it! Oh my gosh, Zoro, i did it!" - you said smiling from ear to ear

• He was as surprised and happy as you, with that pretty smile he didn't show often but that you loved so much

• He grabbed you and spun you around as you both laughed

• "I knew you could do it" - he said as he put you on the ground again - "i'm so proud of my girl" - he kissed your cheek

• And now it was your time to blush as he ruffled your hair

• (Needless to say, Usopp and Sanji were watching the whole thing and started making fun of you two, which only made you blush even harder lmaooo)

• Okay so we all know and love his deep voice, right?

• Now imagine his morning voice 💀

• After spending a ahem very good night together you'd wake up next to each other in the morning

• "Morning, Zoro" - you'd say still sleepy

• "Morning, babe. D'you sleep well?" - he asked in that deep, raspy voice that gave you all the butterflies

• Damnnnn

• You'd get weak in the knees all over again lmao

• And that could lead to something else 👀

• But that's a whole another story ajdkajskaj

• And speaking of his voice

• He wasn't much of talking, but he slowly started opening up to you

• Sharing his thoughts, fears and stories from his past

• You saw through him and broke down his walls, so he felt 100% comfortable around you

• You'd lay down together and talk about everything

• That was such a special and intimate moment for you

• You loved being there with him, taking in his scent and listening to his voice while he traced circles down your back

• He would tell you stories about Kuina and the promise he made

• You swear you had never seen him that vulnerable

• But you were glad he felt safe enough to share that with you

• In the end you just hugged and reassured him

• "I know you will keep your promise, and i'll be here supporting you until the end" - you said, gently cupping his cheek

• "Thank you, (Y/N)" - he said softly, and you could see the warmth in his eyes - "now i have another reason to believe i can make it"

• "What is it?" - you asked, a bit confused

• "Having you by my side" - he said in his low voice, laying down and closing his eyes

• Your heart fluttered at that 😭

• "It's my pleasure, Roronoa Zoro" - you said smiling and cuddling him as you both fell asleep <3

[xoxoch3rry]

𝕄𝕦𝕣𝕕𝕖𝕣𝕚𝕟𝕘 𝕞𝕪 𝕘𝕚𝕣𝕝𝕗𝕣𝕚𝕖𝕟𝕕 𝕡𝕣𝕒𝕟𝕜

@ xoxoch3rry do not steal or translate my work.

Word count: 1,135

────

Colby Brock x fem!reader

Warnings: Violence, Murder (fake obvi), fake blood, and curse words.

Summary: You and Colby decide to prank his roommates by making them think he murdered you.

────⊹ ࣪ ˖⋆˖ ࣪⊹────

“Wassup guys, it's Colby Brock here, Welcome back to my channel. So today, I'm going to be doing the murdering my girlfriend prank on my roommates. So basically me and my girlfriend Y/N are going to be 'getting in a fight' and I'm going to kill her” Colby laughed looking at me. “But the objective is to not actually kill me but just make everyone think that you killed me” I give a tight-lipped smile to the camera.

“Right, so let's begin” he smirked at the camera. “Ok, so I just went and checked and everybody is currently downstairs right now.” I smiled, walking back into Colby's room and watching him set up the camera. “Alright so I have this glass cup that I'm going to throw to make it sound like things are being thrown around, Y/N and I are going to scream and yell at each other, and then it's going to go quiet, and then we're going to put the fake blood on her” Colby look at the camera nervously.

“I think I'm gonna go downstairs, and I'm going to cry while I'm down there, but I'm also gonna set up a camera, so yeah. Also, I'm doing an acting class right now so this is going to be practice” I smile into the camera while walking down the hall and towards the steps. I start to focus on letting the tears fall down my face while I had the camera at my side. I walked into the kitchen and saw Devyn and Kat sitting on the counter talking to each other, with the rest of the surrounding boys all taking shots.

“Hey, Y/N you okay?” Devyn asked, making everyone look at me. “Yeah, I'm fine” I faked a smile while looking down at the ground. “Are you sure you're okay Y/N” Jake stared at me “mhm” I opened the fridge grabbed a bottle of water and walked out of the kitchen and into the hallway to set up the camera. I laughed while setting up the camera on the floor under a blanket. I stepped back to look to see if the camera was noticeable. It wasn't.

I ran back up the stairs to tell Colby that we can start. “Ok, we can start” I smiled at him as I opened his door. I hugged Colby tight while taking in a deep breath of air. “I love you and I want to make sure you win this prank war” I smiled looking up at him. He leaned down and planted a kiss on my lips, “I love you” was all he said as he pushed me back onto his bed and started yelling at me.

“WHAT THE FUCK Y/N” Colby yelled loud enough for everyone in the house to hear. “I'm sorry” I cried out “I didn't mean to ok, it was just a mistake” I cried letting the tears form in my eyes. “Keep going” I whispered to Colby as he looked like a wanted to stop seeing me about to cry. He nodded. Counting to yell, “YOU FUCKED ONE OF MY BEST FRIENDS!”

“It was a mistake, ok… Please, Colby, please listen to me” He picked up the glass and threw it on the floor as I screamed out from the shock of the glass shattering all over the floor. I moved some of the glass out of the way and laid on the floor, covering myself in fake blood. “Colby, stop Colby,” I screamed at the top of my lungs. “Somebody help me, please,” I cried out. “SHUT THE FUCK UP,” Colby yelled as he banged on the wall with his hands as I continued to scream, then stop. I heard people running up the stairs, and down the hallway.

“Colby, open the door” Sam yelled out as he tried to open the door, but it was locked. “Y/N” Kat screamed out “Y/N please open the door.” “COLBY, OPEN THE DOOR RIGHT NOW, MAN” Jake yelled out. I smiled at Colby as I put some of the blood that was on me onto his clothes and face. I closed my eyes as he got up and walked over to his door. He took a deep breath as he unlocked it and barely opened it to where they couldn't see inside the room. “What?” he asked looking at his roommates, “Is Y/N ok?” Kat and Devyn asked at the same time. Colby didn't answer as he looked to the side of him, “oh my god” Kat said looking at the blood on his clothes.

Jake and Sam's eyes follow where Kat was looking. Jake shoves the door open, making Colby stumble out of the way. “OH MY GOD” Kat screamed out, falling to her knees and crying. “Holy shit,” Sam said, placing his hands on his face, “Colby, what did you do?” Sam asked, looking at Colby. “I don't know man, it just happened,” He said, stumbling over my body and over to his couch, taking a seat. “I didn't mean for this to happen” Colby cried out, tears falling down his face.

“What the fuck happened?” Jake asked, walking over to me and kneeling to look at me. “We got into an um f-fight and I just got so mad a-and I wasn't thinking and i-i just, I didn't mean for this to happen” Colby cried. “We have to call 911” Devyn cried, hugging Kat. “NO, NO, we can't”. “Why not Colby” Kat asked looking at him with tears in her eyes. “Because um… It's A PRANK” he laughed out, wiping his tears. I laughed turning to look at Jake as he just scoffed and got up “NOT COOL MAN, not cool” he looked at Colby as he ran to get the camera.

“Oh, my god, Y/N I thought Colby actually killed you” Kat and Devyn hugged me. “Aww you guys care about me” I hugged them back. “Man, I thought I was going to have to help you cover up a murder.” Sam laughed with Colby.

“Thank you guys so much for watching today's video, if you liked or want to see more videos like this make sure you like, comment, and subscribe”. “Yeah, we got 'em” I yelled into the camera still covered in blood.

After the video was over, Colby hugged me so tight I could barely breathe, “Are you actually trying to kill me” I laughed looking up at him. He laughed leaning down to kiss me on the lips “I'm sorry for yelling at you” he said as he broke away from the kiss “It's okay, but you do have fantastic acting skills” I looked up at him “I learned from the best” I hugged him even tighter burning my face into his chest.

[its-avalon-08]

can u pls do a super cute one of lando x y/n. where lando has a breakdown after a bad race and he thinks hes untalented and y/n makes all the voices in his head go away

make them go away (ln4)

✦ pairing - lando norris x female!reader

✦ genre - angst, self-hatred, self-doubt, alot of fluff at the end, comfort, y/n is an angel

The tension in the McLaren garage was thicker than the Monaco air itself. Y/N stood shoulder to shoulder with the engineers, her eyes glued to the TV screen showing Lando in the lead. His papaya orange car, a blur against the azure background, sliced through the chicane with practiced ease.

"Norris is on fire today!" boomed the commentator's voice over the loudspeakers. "He's pulled a three-second gap on Leclerc, and it looks like he might just take the win here in Monte Carlo!"

Y/N's heart thumped a frantic rhythm against her ribs. A nervous smile stretched across her face as Lando entered the infamous tunnel section. This was always a tricky part of the track, even for seasoned drivers.

Suddenly, the image on the screen flickered. A staticky burst filled the air, then a sickening screech of metal on asphalt. Y/N's breath hitched in her throat. On the screen, Lando's car was a crumpled mess, careening off the barrier and coming to a halt against the wall.

The garage erupted in a cacophony of shouts and gasps. Y/N felt the blood drain from her face. The commentators' voices, once booming with excitement, were now laced with concern.

"Oh dear, that's a nasty crash for Lando Norris! We're getting reports that he's unharmed, but the car is definitely out. A heartbreaking end to what was looking like a dominant race for the young Brit."

The radio crackled to life, Lando's voice a raw mix of anger and frustration. "This is fucking bullshit! What the fuck happened?! The fucking car gave away. What the fuck was that?!" Static filled the air for a moment, then Lando's voice returned, even angrier. "Come on, guys, I could've won that!"

The radio fell silent, but the tension in the garage remained. A few minutes later, Lando emerged from the cockpit, his helmet still on. He stalked towards Y/N, a dark cloud hanging over his face. He pulled her into a brief, almost desperate hug, his body taut with suppressed emotion.

"I'm okay," he muttered into her hair, his voice barely a whisper.

Y/N squeezed him back, her heart aching for him. She knew the frustration, the disappointment gnawing at him. Before she could say anything, Lando pulled away and stormed off towards the back of the garage, his shoulders slumped in defeat. Y/N watched him go, a silent plea on her lips – a plea for him to let go of the anger, to allow the disappointment to wash over him, and know that she was there, by his side, every step of the way.

lando's internal monologue

Helmet off, the world swam in and out of focus through a haze of tears and anger. My gloves clawed at the damp air, a silent scream trapped in my throat. It was right there. The damn win. Every fiber of my being knew it, felt it on the edge of my fingertips. Then, nothing. Just the sickening crunch of metal, the world twisting upside down, and the taste of bitter, metallic defeat.

I slumped against the stack of tires, the sting of failure a physical weight pressing down on me. It's always the same story, isn't it? Get my hopes up, let everyone believe, then throw it all away in a stupid mistake. Maybe it's not a mistake. Maybe it's the truth finally rearing its ugly head.

I'm not good enough.

Everyone talks about talent, about potential. But what if it's all a lie? What if I'm just a fraud, a pretender who lucked his way into this seat? Maybe I fooled everyone – the team, the fans, even myself. Now the luck's run out, and I'm left with nothing but the wreckage of my own ambition.

Look at me. Curled up in a corner like a beaten dog, tears staining my cheeks like a child. This isn't the Lando Norris they see on the podium, the one spraying champagne and basking in the glory. This is the real me, the one who crumbles under pressure, who cracks when the going gets tough.

What a joke.

Every corner, every gear shift, haunted by a thousand doubts. Was I too aggressive? Did I brake too late? The questions swarm in my head, each one a fresh jab of self-criticism. Maybe Ricciardo was right all along. Maybe I don't belong here, in this high-octane world of champions and legends.

The pressure… it's a suffocating weight on my chest. The weight of expectation, of living up to a name that seems to grow bigger with every race. Every win feels like a borrowed time, every good result a fluke waiting to be exposed.

I don't deserve this seat. Don't deserve the team, the sponsors, the fans who roar my name. They deserve a champion, someone who can deliver, who can bring home the trophy. Not a broken mess like me, drowning in a sea of self-doubt.

But what now? How do I pick up the pieces from this shattered dream? How do I face everyone again, knowing I let them down? The future stretches before me, a bleak and uncertain road. Maybe it's time to step aside, to let someone with real talent take the wheel. Maybe that's the only way to silence the voice that keeps whispering – you're not good enough, Lando. You never were.

Y/N followed Lando with a worried frown, her heart twisting with every heavy step he took. He disappeared into a secluded corner of the garage, his back slamming against a stack of tires. A muffled sob escaped him, quickly followed by another, then another. Y/N didn't hesitate. She pushed past a crate and knelt beside him, her hand hovering tentatively over his shoulder.

"Lando," she called softly, her voice barely a whisper above the murmurs of the debriefing team.

He flinched at the sound, his entire body shaking. He ripped off his helmet, revealing tear-streaked cheeks and eyes filled with a raw, painful vulnerability.

"I should've won," he choked out, his voice thick with emotion. "It was right there, Y/N. I had it, and I messed up. Everything. Every stupid corner, every gear shift…" His voice trailed off, replaced by a ragged breath.

Y/N cupped his face in her hands, her touch gentle but firm. "Hey," she said, her voice laced with an unwavering strength. "Look at me."

Lando met her gaze, his eyes filled with self-loathing. "I'm not good enough, am I? I keep letting everyone down. The team, the fans… you."

"No!" Y/N's voice rose, cutting through his self-deprecating spiral. "Don't you dare say that. This doesn't define you, Lando. One race, one mistake, doesn't erase all the talent, all the hard work you've put in."

He scoffed, a humorless sound. "Talent? Maybe I was just lucky all along. A fluke. Now the luck's run out, and I'm left with nothing."

"Stop it!" Y/N's voice trembled with a mixture of anger and love. "Those voices in your head, they're lying. You hear me? Lying! You are talented, Lando Norris. One of the most talented drivers on the grid. This doesn't change that."

He leaned into her touch, a flicker of doubt battling with the storm of negativity in his eyes. Y/N continued, her voice a soothing balm against his self-destruction.

"Everyone makes mistakes, Lando. Even the best. But you, you get back up. You learn from it, come back stronger. That's who you are. That's the Lando I know and love."

A tear escaped his eye, tracing a warm path down his cheek. He blinked it away, a flicker of something akin to hope replacing the despair. He leaned his forehead against hers, seeking solace in her unwavering belief.

"I don't know what I'd do without you," he mumbled, his voice thick with emotion.

Y/N wrapped her arms around him, holding him close. "You wouldn't have to," she whispered. "We're in this together, every win, every crash, every doubt. We face them together, okay?"

He nodded, a shaky breath escaping his lips. In the dimly lit corner of the garage, surrounded by the wreckage of his dream race, Y/N became his anchor, her love the only voice that could silence the storm raging inside him. The road ahead might be filled with uncertainty, but with her by his side, Lando knew he could weather any storm.

[mindfulstudyquest]

here's the reason you procrastinate

based on Fuschia Sirois' research

everyone procrastinate at some point. research suggests that almost 1 in 4 people procrastinate on a fairly regular basis, and the rates are even higher among college and university students ( 50% of them procrastinate regularly and about 85-90% do so occasionally ).

because procrastination is so common we tend not to put too much thought into it, in the end what is the problem? it's just delay.

well, it's not. actually procrastination is harmful delay ( so defined by the researchers ); it is a form of delay which is:

voluntary

unnecessary

involves important tasks which you intended to do

people often underestimate the consequences of procrastination and how debilitating and harmful it can be. if you delay dealing with ( for example ) your academic works, of course you can expect some negative results in that area, but what about the collateral consequences of it?

research has shown that people who have problems with procrastination have low physical and mental health and practice less healthy behaviors. they deal with depression, stress and anxiety.

just think about the enormous amount of stress that procrastination brings: first of all, constantly chasing deadlines. deadlines can nag anyone, even those who don't struggle with delaying, but then it ends, the job is turned in, and everything goes back to normal. for procastinators this is not the case, they will keep putting off important things and will constantly end up with an imminent deadline.

so, if it's so harmful for your health, why do people do it? some people think it's about laziness or poor time managment, but actually:

laziness isn't procrastination. if you're lazy you don't have the energy to do anything, instead procrastinators are always busy with a thousand non-essential tasks to do, in fact they avoid doing one specific task, not every task ( for example if i need to study, but i'm procrastinating it, i end up cleaning my room )

poor time managment it's actually a symptom of procrastination, not a cause.

from a psychological perspective the origins of procrastination are rooted in negative emotions and the urge to cope with them through avoidance. so actually procrastination is about poor mood managment, not poor time managment.

procrastination starts when we have a task that's unpleasant, but we have to do it. and we use procrastination then as a way to get relief from those negative emotions associated with the task, so basically it's not even about avoiding the task, but it's about avoid the negative emotions that we associate with the task.

we need to avoid stress and aversive feeling that come with the task, especially when we don't feel like we can manage those negative emotions at the moment. so we take the task, we put it aside, and it's instant relief. it's fast, it's easy and it works for a little while, then that sense of shame, guilt and self-blame starts to kick in.

so why do we keep procrastinating? for that sense of relief, because that made us feel rewarded and we tend to repeat behaviors that rewarded us. this can easily lead to a cycle of procrastination.

however, the negative thoughts that we have ( "why didn't i start earlier?", "i'm letting myself down" etc. ) don't actually make us take action. they just add layers of layers on pre-existing negativity.

so how do you get out of the procastination cycle?

go back to valuing your task, if it's so important that you do it, remind yourself why you are doing it

remember that we tend to overestimate the discomfort that a given challenge will bring us. probably your task isn't even that time-consuming, unpleasant and frustrating

be compassionate and and forgive yourself, it's an effective strategy to reduce the negative emotions associated with the task. you are not the first nor the last person to procrastinate, we are all human and we all make mistakes. research has shown that doing so reduces the risk of procastination.

hope you enjoyed this little explanation, here's my sources: https://youtu.be/xTEPNxx0MsA

[lostfracturess]

remedies and reasons | ch. 03

pairing — professor geto x law student reader

summary — this wasn’t supposed to happen. not that miserable internship at the law firm you hated, not him becoming your doctor, and definitely not that drunken night at the bar. but he helped, and god, you needed a friend. and he did too. except it's never just friendship with him, is it? it could be perfect—messy, complicated, but perfect. if only his heart wasn’t already taken.

word count — 11.8 k

warnings — 18+ ONLY. contains explicit sexual content, age difference (10 years), doctor-patient relationship, smoking, alcohol use, mature themes, and depictions of illness. reader discretion is advised.

author's note — hey everyone! i'm back with a new chapter, and i know it's been a while. this time, we're diving back into suguru's head to explore his conflicting feelings. as always, this story is a spin-off of symptoms and causes, starting after chapter 12, but it can be read as a standalone. this chapter takes place during the events of chapter 14, where things were pretty intense, so get ready for suguru's perspective on those events, plus some extra bonding time with a certain law student.

series masterlist + playlist + ao3 + wattpad

<- prev chapter | next chapter ->

(note: r&r reader)

What a strange fucking day.

The coffee from the hospital cafeteria tasted like burnt rubber, leaving a bitter aftertaste that matched my state perfectly. Everything felt slightly out of sorts, like the world had shifted two inches to the left while I wasn't looking, and I was the only one who noticed.

I'd put on mismatched socks this morning, didn't notice until I was already at work. Stepped in a puddle that somehow soaked through my supposedly waterproof shoes. Small things, really. Inconsequential. But they piled up like evidence that I wasn't quite myself lately.

And on top of that, my mind kept drifting back to the sports bar, to easy laughter and surprisingly good conversation. To someone who actually managed to make me forget about work for a few hours. It was... nice. Different. Unsettling. Probably why I let things get carried away. 

What the hell had gotten into me?

I wasn't the type to hook up in bar bathrooms. I didn't do reckless. I was the responsible one, always cleaning up other people's messes — usually Satoru's. 

Yet here I was, distracted and unfocused because of a law student who somehow got under my skin without me even realizing it. Frustrating. That's what it was.

I stared at the ruined samples in front of me, the third batch I'd had to throw out this morning. A stupid beginner's mistake — mixing the reagents in the wrong order like some first-year med student. The solution had turned an ugly shade of red instead of the pale blue it was supposed to be, completely useless now.

I slammed the test tube rack down harder than necessary, making the glass containers rattle. A few drops of the failed experiment splashed onto my lab coat. Perfect. Just perfect.

I glanced at Satoru across the lab bench. He'd been staring at the same equation for twenty minutes now, his leg bouncing that infuriating rhythm that made me want to stab him with my pen. The same nervous energy that had been radiating off him all morning. Neither of us was really focused on work it seemed.

"You going to tell me what's wrong, or do I have to guess?" I finally asked, perhaps partly to distract myself from my own thoughts.

He blinked, as if just remembering I was there. "Nothing's wrong."

"Really? Because you've been glaring at that formula for like an hour."

"Maybe I just enjoy looking at my own handwriting. It's pretty, isn't it? Unlike yours."

"At least the nurses can read my prescriptions without three callbacks."

"That was one time." He spun in his chair to face me. "And the pharmacy figured it out eventually."

I need a cigarette.

No, I need several cigarettes.

I was about to retort when a soft knock echoed through the lab. We both turned toward the door, and suddenly all my annoyance vanished. It was her.

Standing there in the doorway, clutching a folder to her chest, looking almost nervous. Her eyes darted between Satoru and me, and I could see the moment she registered the awkwardness of the situation.

She was wearing a crisp blazer, her hair pulled back neatly — every inch the professional law intern. Maybe it was the confused sleep deprivation talking, but I swore I caught a hint of pink creeping across her cheeks when our eyes briefly met before she looked away.

"Oh," she said. "I didn't expect to find you both here."

Satoru straightened up, his demeanor shifting instantly to doctor mode. "Everything okay? Is it your medication?"

"No, no," she quickly assured him. "Actually, I'm here about the... um, the legal consultation from the other day?" She held up the folder. "Mr. Higurama asked me to get both your signatures on these forms."

"More paperwork?" Satoru groaned theatrically. "They really love their forms at that firm, don't they? I bet they have forms for their forms."

She laughed — not the bold, uninhibited laugh from the bar, but something smaller, more contained. Professional. It was strange seeing her like this, all sharp edges and formal wear, when just days ago we'd been trading stories over beer and darts.

"Well," she said, stepping fully into the lab, "we do love forms, yes." Her eyes landed on the mess of failed experiments on our benches, the chaos of scribbles on the whiteboard. I just now realized how utterly chaotic the whole lab was. "Bad time?"

"No," I said, maybe too quickly. "Just a rough morning in the lab."

"Rough morning?" Satoru raised an eyebrow. "This is the first time I've seen him mess up this experiment since university. Usually he's annoyingly perfect."

I shot him a look that promised murder. Or at least severe bodily harm.

She glanced between us, a hint of unease, her fingers tightening on the folder as she took a small step back. "Should I come back later? When there's less...chaos?"

"No, it's fine," I said, reaching for the folder. Our fingers brushed as she handed it over, and I found myself wondering if she was still thinking about that night too. Probably not. She was just here doing her job.

I opened the folder, scanning the documents inside. More forms about professional conduct and boundaries. The irony wasn't lost on me.

"These need both our signatures?" I asked.

She nodded. "Mr. Higurama was very specific about that."

I grabbed a pen and signed where indicated, then passed the folder to Satoru. As he signed, I caught her stifling a yawn.

"Long night?" I asked.

"Just law student things," she replied with a tired smile. "Coffee and case studies until 3 AM."

"Sounds familiar," I said, thinking of my own sleepless night, though for very different reasons. "Though I prefer my all-nighters with better coffee than whatever they serve at that firm."

"Our coffee is not that bad actually—"

Before she could finish, Satoru thrust the folder at her. "Here," he said. "All signed and ready to go back to the fun police." He glanced at his phone, then suddenly stood up. "Speaking of which, I need to go. Got a... thing."

A thing? I raised an eyebrow at him, but he was already halfway to the door. "Don't mess up any more experiments, Suguru," he called over his shoulder, and then he was gone, leaving us alone in the now quiet space.

She stood there, folder clutched to her chest, looking unsure. "Is Dr. Gojo okay? He seems a bit on edge."

"Not more than usual, I guess."

"So that failed experiment over there?" She gestured past me with her finger.

I glanced at my failed experiment, which had now turned an alarming shade of green that definitely wasn't in any textbook I'd ever read. Either I'd just discovered a new chemical compound, or I was about to violate several safety protocols. Possibly both.

"Observant. They teach you that in law school?"

"No, that's just natural talent," she said, some of that bar night ease creeping back into her voice. "Though I have to say, watching things change color isn't usually part of my job description."

"Consider it a bonus lesson in chemistry." Before I could overthink it, I heard myself asking, "Have you had lunch yet?"

She hesitated, shifting the folder in her arms. "I should probably get these back to Mr. Higurama—" Just then, the folder slipped from her grasp, papers scattering across the lab floor. "Oh god," she muttered, immediately dropping to her knees to gather them.

In her haste to collect the papers, she bumped into the lab bench. The rack of test tubes rattled precariously. I lunged forward, managing to catch the rack just as it started to tip, but not before one of the tubes spilled its contents onto the counter.

"I'm so sorry!" She scrambled to her feet, papers clutched messily to her chest, her cheeks now bright red. "I swear I wasn't trying to sabotage your experiments. Though they were already ruined anyway—not that that makes it better! I just meant—"

I watched her frantically trying to collect the papers, a small smile tugging at my lips despite the chaos. "I'll pay," I offered, cutting off her rambling. "Besides, we should probably get going, that failed experiment's probably going to turn purple next and who knows what happens then."

She paused mid-reach for another paper, looking up at me with wide eyes. "Are you threatening me with your failed experiment to get me to have lunch with you?"

"Is it working?"

She glanced at the door where Satoru had disappeared, then back at me, fidgeting with the crumpled papers in her arms. "You know what? Yeah. If you really want to—I mean, after I almost destroyed your lab—"

"Well, you're certainly making my morning more interesting."

She tried to smooth out the crumpled papers, only managing to wrinkle them more. "Oh, I mean—Is that a good thing? Because I can't tell if you're complimenting me or—"

"Come on, Attorney, let's get you away from any breakable objects," I said, already shrugging off my lab coat and heading for the door. "I know a good place and trust me after that, you'll never defend that law firm sludge again."

─────── ౨ৎ ───────

(note: r&r reader)

The café was tucked away in a narrow alley, the kind of place you'd walk right past unless you knew what you were looking for. Inside, the air was thick with the scent of freshly ground coffee beans and something sweet baking in the back.

She looked around, taking in the worn leather chairs and mismatched mugs, the walls lined with old medical textbooks and vintage anatomy charts. "So this is where all the doctors hide out?"

"Best kept secret in the hospital district," I said, leading her to a small table by the window. "Though I'm pretty sure I'm violating some sacred code by bringing a lawyer here."

The owner, an elderly man who'd been serving coffee to sleep-deprived medical staff for longer than I'd been alive, brought over two cups without us having to order. The coffee was served in glass cups, the dark liquid nearly black, with a perfect crema on top.

"What is this?" she asked, leaning forward to inspect the cup.

"Just trust me."

She raised an eyebrow. "The last time a doctor told me to 'just trust them,' I ended up with a prescription that made me sleep for sixteen hours straight."

"Satoru's work, I assume?"

"Maybe."

I watched as she lifted the cup, inhaling. Her eyes widened slightly. "Oh."

"Try it," I said, finding myself oddly invested in her reaction.

She took a careful sip, and I couldn't help but smile as her expression changed — surprise, then joy, then something close to awe.

"Holy shit," she whispered, staring at the cup like it held the secrets of the universe.

"Better than the law firm sludge?"

"Okay, fine, you win." She took another sip, closing her eyes. "What is this?"

"Family secret, apparently. The owner won't tell anyone, not even me." I picked up my own cup. "Though I have my theories."

"Care to share?"

"Doctor-patient confidentiality."

She kicked me lightly under the table. "I'm not your patient."

"No," I agreed, the words carrying more weight than I'd intended. "You're not."

She looked away, suddenly very interested in the anatomy chart on the wall, a slight flush creeping up her neck. I caught myself enjoying her reaction more than I probably should.

"You know," I said, breaking the silence, "you still haven't shown me your paintings."

Her eyes snapped back to mine. "What?"

"At the bar, you promised to show me your work someday." I took another sip of coffee. "Unless that was just the alcohol talking."

"I did not promise anything," she protested, but her fingers fidgeted with the handle of her cup. "And I don't really show my work to people."

I leaned back in my chair, studying her. "Not even to doctors who hold your hand during MRI scans?"

"Especially not to doctors who do such unethical things, Dr. Geto." But there was a smile playing at the corners of her mouth.

"I seem to recall you saying my hands were very good or something."

Her cheeks flushed pink, and she fumbled with her coffee cup, nearly sending it sloshing over the rim. "I did not say that."

"No? Must have been another patient then."

"Can we please pretend I never said anything about your hands?" She shifted in her seat, clearly flustered. "Or anything else that happened that day?"

"Show me your paintings and I might consider selective amnesia."

"Are you actually blackmailing me with my own embarrassing moments?" She leaned forward slightly. "I should sue you for violation of doctor-patient confidentiality."

"Please don't. I have enough lawyers breathing down my neck as it is."

"Oh, I know." Her lips twitched into a smile. "Your case files take up an entire cabinet at the firm."

"Now who's the unethical one?" I couldn't help but smile. "Pretty sure those files are supposed to be confidential."

"See the positive." The corner of her mouth quirked up, and she propped her chin on her hand. Her sleeve slid down slightly. "I can help you. Though my rates are quite steep—one painting viewing equals one legal consultation."

"Brutal negotiation tactics. They're teaching you well at that firm."

She bit her lip, fighting back a grin. The gesture was distracting in a way I didn't want to examine too closely. Then, she wrapped her hands around her cup, leaning forward slightly. "Speaking of teaching, how's that research project going?"

I groaned, running a hand through my hair. "Can we not? I'd rather hear about your law stuff."

"Oh god no," she groaned in return, slumping back in her chair. "Let's not talk about that either."

"That bad, huh?"

"You have no idea. Just endless stacks of papers and Chad being... well, Chad."

"Chad?" I raised an eyebrow.

"This awful intern who thinks he owns the place because his dad's some stupid partner. Like, today he tried to take credit for my research on the Yamamoto case, which, by the way, I spent three nights working on. And then he had the nerve to correct my citations in front of everyone, except he was wrong. He was completely wrong, and everyone knew it, but nobody said anything because, you know, his dad and everything—" 

She stopped abruptly, her eyes widening as if just realizing she'd been rambling again. Her hands fluttered nervously around her coffee cup. "Sorry, I'm talking too much, aren't I?"

"No," I said, surprising myself with how much I meant it. "I like hearing you talk."

Her eyes met mine, startled. "You do?"

"Yeah. It's... refreshing, I mean hearing about anything that's not related to someone's blood and lab work." I traced the rim of my cup with my finger. "Is this Chad giving you trouble? Because I could always stop by the firm, maybe have a word with him."

She let out a startled laugh, then immediately looked embarrassed by how loud it was. A few other people glanced our way, making her shrink slightly in her seat.

"What, are you offering to intimidate him for me?"

"I can be quite intimidating when I want to be."

"That's a weird thing to say about oneself."

"You say way more weird things." I glanced at my watch and couldn't help but sigh. "Speaking of intimidating, I've got a class of overconfident med students waiting."

"Oh." She looked up. "Right, of course."

I should leave it at that. Get up, go back to work, stop whatever this is before it gets complicated. I have enough on my plate with the research, with Satoru acting weird, with everything else. The last thing I need is to get involved with—

My hand brushed against the crumpled paper in my coat pocket. That flyer some art student had thrust into my hands this morning at the campus entrance, just like they did to everyone else rushing past. 

"Actually, there's this art exhibition next weekend at the city gallery."

What the hell am I doing?

She blinked at me, her coffee cup frozen halfway to her mouth. "Are you... are you asking me to go to an art exhibition?"

This is stupid. I don't even like art exhibitions. They're crowded and pretentious, and I have better things to do with my weekend. Like work. Or sleep. Or literally anything else. I'm really not quite myself lately.

"I mean, if you want to. I don't understand much about art, but—" I rubbed the back of my neck. "If you show me what to look for, I'm sure I'll like it."

That sounded so lame. Why am I even doing this?

"You mean that?" she asked. "Because you don't have to pretend to be interested in art just because I—"

"I want to," I cut her off. "Besides, maybe you can explain to me why people pay millions for paintings of soup cans."

She laughed, that genuine, unguarded sound from the bar, and I was glad I hadn't thrown the flyer away. "Those are Warhol, and they're actually a commentary on mass production and consumer culture in—" She stopped herself, cheeks flushing. "And I'm doing it again."

"Saturday at 6?" I asked.

"Yeah," she said softly. "Saturday at 6 sounds good."

As I stood to leave, the absurdity of the situation hit me. Here I was, voluntarily signing up for an afternoon of art appreciation. What was wrong with me? 

The closest thing to art in my apartment is that anatomy poster Satoru got me as a joke last Christmas. If he ever found out about this, I'd never hear the end of it. But somehow, I couldn't bring myself to care.

It wasn't until I was back in my office at the university, staring at a stack of research papers, that I realized something strange — I hadn't smoked since morning. My usual lunchtime cigarette break had come and gone without me even noticing. 

My pack sat untouched in my coat pocket. I pulled it out now, turning it over in my hands, and somehow I found myself oddly looking forward to learning about soup cans.

─────── ౨ৎ ───────

(note: s&c reader)

The lecture went fine. It always did.

Talk about neurons, synapses, action potentials. Watch sleepy med students pretend to take notes while secretly checking their phones. Answer the same questions I'd answered a hundred times before. Rinse and repeat.

Now, hours later, I was back in the lab. The chaos from this morning had been methodically cleaned away. New solutions mixed, properly this time. Everything in its place, color-coded and labeled with my precise handwriting.

The lab was quiet at this hour. Just the soft hum of equipment and the occasional footsteps in the hallway outside. It was peaceful, in its own way. Or maybe just lonely.

I checked my watch — 5:47 PM. I should probably head home, but then what? Watch some mindless TV show? Read another research paper? Order takeout that would sit in my fridge until it went bad? God, when did my life become this predictable?

The solution in front of me turned the correct shade of blue this time. Finally. I made a note in my lab book, but my mind wandered. About Satoru's strange behavior. About her. About how she looked at Satoru like he hung the moon and stars just for her.

I pushed away from the bench so forcefully my chair squeaked against the floor. My hands were already reaching for my cigarettes before I made it to the window. The night air was cool against my face as I lit up, inhaling deeply.

This was exactly what I didn't need to think about. Not now. Not ever. Focus on the research. On the failed experiments. On anything else but the ache that threatened to consume me whenever I let my mind wander in her direction.

The cigarette burned down too quickly. I lit another one immediately. What kind of person fell for their best friend's girlfriend? What kind of friend was I to even—

No. Stop that train of thought right there.

The smoke curled up into the night sky, hoping it would carry with it all the things I couldn't let myself feel. All the words I couldn't say. All the moments I'd had to watch them together, pretending my heart wasn't being torn to shreds. I'm pathetic.

I exhaled another cloud of smoke into the night air. Maybe that was why I asked about the art exhibition. God knew I could use the distraction. From the research, from Satoru, from her.

And she — there was something in her eyes. That familiar look of someone drowning in circumstances they couldn't control. She needed a break too, probably more than she admitted. Maybe this Chad was partly responsible. Speaking of Chad—

I tapped my cigarette against the windowsill. It wouldn't be hard to figure out his real name. Law firms kept records of their interns, and with his father being a partner. One quick search in the hospital database and I could probably find something interesting in his medical history. Everyone had secrets. Maybe something embarrassing. Something that would make him think twice about—

What the hell am I thinking? I stubbed out my cigarette, leaving a black smear. Great. Now I'm contemplating abusing my position to dig up dirt on some spoiled law intern. Real professional, Suguru. Really living up to that ethical conduct seminar.

Though the thought of his smug face when he tried to take credit for her work—

No. Absolutely not. I'm better than that.

I lit another cigarette, trying to ignore how satisfying the idea was. I leaned back in my chair, staring at the ceiling. Saturday at 6.

At least that was something to look forward to. Something normal. Well, as normal as anything could be when you were a neurosurgeon voluntarily going to an art exhibition with a law student who was also your patient, technically. What did people even wear to art exhibitions?

My pen tapped against the lab book as my phone buzzed.

[2:34 PM] s&c reader: Need any help in the lab today? I can come in if you want.

[2:35 PM] Me: Just boring prep work left. Take the day off.

Three dots appeared, then disappeared. Then appeared again.

[2:37 PM] s&c reader: You sure? I can help with the prep too.

[2:37 PM] Me: Rest. Doctor's orders.

[2:40 PM] s&c reader: I hate when you say that.

I found myself smiling at my phone, picturing her frustrated face as she typed that. She was probably pouting right now, hunched over her textbooks in the library, annoyed that I'd pulled rank. That stubborn set of her jaw when she tried not to admit defeat. Just like him.

The smile faded as quickly as it had come. I immediately set my phone down and took a deep breath. I should be thinking about the research. About tumor markers and treatment protocols. Not about my student who was probably still in the library despite my orders to rest.

No. Not about her at all.

I glanced at my phone again, fighting the urge to text her back. Focus, I told myself. Work. Don't do anything stupid. God, this day really couldn't get any more fucking frustrating. 

─────── ౨ৎ ───────

(note: s&c reader)

The lab was quiet.

I'd been at this for hours, my eyes straining in the bright light of the laminar flow hood, my back aching from hunching over the bench. The familiar chemical smell of ethanol lingered in my nostrils from the endless rounds of sterilizing equipment. 

I straightened up, rolling my shoulders in a futile attempt to ease the knots. A glance at the clock told me it was late, far later than I'd intended to stay. 

The steady hum of the cell incubator behind me had become white noise hours ago, punctuated only by the occasional click of the temperature regulator. I was exhausted, ready to call it a night. But I couldn't leave, not yet.

There was still work to be done, still samples to process. The micropipette tips rattled in their box as I reached for another one, the sound sharp in the empty lab. My stomach rumbled in response. 

I sighed, tugging the elastic from my hair and running my fingers through the dark strands before twisting them back into a loose knot. A few pieces escaped, falling around my face as I looked over to the window, staring out at the darkening sky. 

The sun had already dipped below the horizon, the last streaks of orange fading into deep purple. The campus was quiet, most of the other staff and students long gone for the day.

My stomach growled again, reminding me that I hadn't eaten since lunch as I returned to work. I weighed my options—power through these last samples and face my empty fridge at home, or brave the vending machine downstairs for stale coffee and a questionable sandwich—

Then I heard the door open behind me. I didn't turn, couldn't turn, my hands still buried in the fragile work, the pipette cool in my gloved fingers. But then I heard her voice, and my heart stopped.

"Suguru?"

God, how I wanted to turn to her, to drink in the sight of her. But I couldn't, not yet.

"Hey," I replied, my gaze still fixed on the vials before me. "Didn't expect you here today. Sorry, the fun part's already over." I completed the transfer, then turned to face her, a easy smile on my lips. But the smile died as soon as I saw her face.

I didn't respond immediately, too startled by her appearance. Even in the dim light, it was impossible to miss.

She looked small, fragile in a way I had never seen before. Her eyes were red and swollen, her cheeks pale. She had been crying, that much was clear. She hugged herself tightly, as if she was trying to physically hold the pieces of herself together. 

Seeing her like that, so broken, tore at something deep inside me, something I hated, something fierce and aching.

"What happened?" 

The question was inevitable. But I already knew. There was only one thing, one person, that could make my pretty girl cry.

Her eyes were fixed on the floor, but I could see the tears welling up, threatening to spill over. "Can we work on something?" she finally asked, her voice small. "Please."

I hesitated, torn between the need to comfort her and the knowledge that it wasn't my place. "Do you want to talk about it?" I offered, even though I knew the answer before she even shook her head.

"No," she choked out. "I can't. I need—I need to focus on something else. Anything else. Or I think I'll fall apart."

I understood that feeling all too well. The need to lose yourself in work, to bury yourself in the familiar of the lab until the rest of the world faded away. But I hated that she felt it too, hated that he had driven her to this point. Hated him, with a fury that burned white-hot in my veins.

And the worst part was that I knew there was more, more that he was hiding from her. More lies, more secrets, more ways he was hurting her without her even knowing. And it made me want to scream, to rage, to tear him apart with my bare hands for daring to hurt her like this.

But I couldn't. All I could do was be here for her, in whatever way she needed me. 

"Please, Suguru." Her voice was pleading, desperate. "Can we just work?"

I hesitated for a moment longer, my gaze lingering on her face, taking in the vulnerability etched there. The urge to pull her into my arms, to hold her until the pain faded away, was almost overwhelming. But I knew I couldn't cross that line, not now, not like this.

Finally, I nodded and peeled off my gloves, setting them aside. I reached for her, gently undoing the tight knot of her crossed arms. Her hands were like ice in mine, trembling and fragile. I took one hand in both of mine, wishing I could take away her pain.

"What do you want to work on?" I asked softly, my thumb tracing soothing circles on the back of her hand.

"The nanoparticles," she said, her voice a little steadier. "We still need to narrow down the potential materials and targeting ligands, right?"

"Yeah," I said, forcing a smile. "Anything you want."

Anything for you. 

The words echoed in my mind, a bitter reminder of the truth I could never speak aloud. I loved her, had loved her for longer than I cared to admit, but she was with Satoru. And no matter how much it hurt to see her like this, to know that he was the one who had caused her pain, I couldn't let my own feelings get in the way.

So I pushed them down, buried them deep, and focused on the work. On being the friend she needed, the partner she could rely on. Even if it meant ignoring the part of me that screamed for something more. Even if it meant watching her break, again and again, and being powerless to stop it.

We worked in silence for a while, the familiar routine of the lab providing distraction. For her. For me. She focused intently on the task at hand, her brow furrowed as she carefully prepared the samples. Like everything she did, with unwavering precicion.

I watched her out of the corner of my eye, my heart aching at the tension in her shoulders, the tightness around her eyes. 

Time seemed to slip away as we lost ourselves in the work, the outside world fading away. I caught myself stealing glances at her, watching how her hair fell forward when she leaned over the samples. Every little gesture a knife to my heart. 

These moments were the hardest — seeing her so close, yet having to maintain this careful distance. Watching her push herself to exhaustion, knowing I couldn't hold her, couldn't comfort her the way I desperately wanted to.

I averted my gaze and glanced at the clock, just now realizing how late it had gotten.

"Hey," I said softly, breaking the silence. "It's nearly midnight. We should probably call it a day."

She looked up, blinking as if coming out of a trance. "Oh, no I have to finsish this first." She looked over to me and my stern gaze must have silenced her objections.

I hesitated for a moment, then reached out and touched her arm gently, ignoring the way my skin burned at the contact. "Come on. I want to show you something."

She followed reluctantly as I led her to the far corner of the lab, where our old microscope sat — the one we rarely used anymore since getting the newer models. I pulled out a worn slide from the cabinet.

"Remember this?" I asked, setting up the microscope. "From your first week here?"

She leaned in to look, and I had to force myself to step back. "Oh god, my first attempt at cell staining. It's horrible."

"Actually," I said, adjusting the focus, "look at this part here." I pointed to a small cluster of cells. "See how you managed to isolate that specific population? Most students take months to get that kind of precision. You did it on your first try."

She was quiet for a moment, studying the slide. A look I adored so much. And for a moment, the pain and hurt seemed to fade away. 

"You've got instincts that can't be taught," I continued. "That's why you're going to crack this nanoparticle puzzle too."

"You really think so?"

"I know so." I pulled out another slide. "Here, look at your work from last month. See how far you've come?"

She studied it for a moment, then shook her head. "It's still not perfect, the staining could be cleaner, the resolution better. I should be doing better by now."

"You're being too hard on yourself." Always chasing perfection, just like him. "You can't expect to master everything in a few months. Even Satoru took years to—" I caught myself, watching her shoulders tense at his name. Wrong thing to say. "What I mean is, you're already exceeding everyone's expectations. Except maybe your own."

She fell quiet, turning back to the microscope. I watched as she adjusted the focus. Finally, she straightened up from the microscope, turning to face me, and there it was — that spark in her eyes I'd grown to love, the one that made my heart stutter every time.

"We should try adjusting the polymer composition," she said suddenly. "Maybe if we modified the surface charge—"

I smiled, relief flooding through me at seeing that spark return. "Whatever you want to try. I'm right here with you. But tomorrow, okay? After a bit of sleep."

"Thank you," she said softly, leaning back in her chair and stretching her arms above her head. A small yawn escaped her. "Sorry for taking up so much of your time. You must have been here for hours."

"No, not at all," I lied, watching as she rolled her shoulders to work out the stiffness. In truth, I'd been at the lab since dawn, but she didn't need to know that.

I swallowed hard, my heart suddenly racing. "You know I'm always here for you. No matter what."

We remained silent for a moment, the weight of everything unsaid crowded in my throat — how much I cared, how seeing her hurt made me want to tear the world apart, how every smile she gave me was torture.

"Come on," I said finally, breaking the spell before I could do something stupid. "Let's get out of here. I think we both need some sleep."

─────── ౨ৎ ───────

(note: s&c reader)

Cold autumn air burned in my lungs as I pushed myself harder, feet pounding against the leaf-strewn path. A thick blanket of mist hung low between the trees on my usual morning run, though nothing about this morning felt usual.

I hadn't slept. How could I?

Every time I closed my eyes, I saw her face. The way she looked so small, so broken. The tears she tried to hide. The trembling in her hands as we worked. The memory of those words made me stumble, my running shoes skidding on wet leaves, made my chest tight with something painful.

I picked up my pace, as if I could somehow outrun the guilt of my own thoughts. Because every time I saw her like this, a treacherous part of me whispered, I would never make you cry. I would never give you reason to doubt yourself. I would cherish every brilliant, imperfect moment.

Damn it.

I'm a terrible friend. To both of them.

The park was almost empty at this hour — just a few other early risers and their dogs. A jogger passed, giving me a brief nod. It was my routine, something that usually helped clear my head, but not today. Not when I couldn't stop thinking about how she looked last night, working herself to escape whatever he'd done this time.

What kind of man watches the woman he loves hurt like this and does nothing? Someone so passionate, so full of life, slowly dimming because he can't get his shit together—

Stop it. Stop thinking about her like that.

I stopped abruptly, hands on my knees, breathing hard. A cloud of vapor formed with each exhale, disappearing into the cold morning air. My t-shirt was soaked with sweat despite the chill.

This isn't my business. I've told myself this a hundred times. Their relationship, their problems — none of it concerns me. I'm just her professor. Her research partner. Just his friend. But friends don't let friends destroy the people they claim to love.

And I can't keep pretending I don't see what's happening. Can't keep watching her slowly break apart while he—

Before I knew what I was doing, I was heading back to my car. To hell with my day off. To hell with staying out of it. I've watched this play out for too long, kept my mouth shut for too long. Sorry, Satoru. But we need to talk.

I stormed through the university hallways, my footsteps thundering off the walls, still in my damp training clothes that clung uncomfortably to my skin. The lab door was ahead, and through the window I could see him.

Satoru was sitting in his chair, staring blankly at the whiteboard where incoherent scribbles were scattered, just like yesterday.

In two strides, I crossed the room and grabbed the back of his chair, spinning it around to face me. He looked awful — pale, unshaven, his hair a mess. The sharp scent of coffee couldn't mask something else on his breath. His eyes were bloodshot. I didn't care.

"What the hell did you say to her?" I snapped.

Satoru didn't even seem surprised by my presence. "Wow, that's a pretty broad question, don't you think?"

"Cut the bullshit, Satoru. You know exactly what I'm talking about."

He glanced up then, one eyebrow arched, that infuriatingly casual look I'd seen a thousand times before. "Damn, Suguru. Who pissed in your cornflakes this morning?"

Something snapped inside me. Before I could think better of it, I was there, hands gripping the arms of his chair, caging him in. Close enough to see the muscle working in his jaw. "I'm gonna ask you this one time and one time only. What happened between you two?"

"Wow, you're really close." He glanced pointedly at the narrow space between us, but I caught the way his fingers tightened on the armrest. "We had a disagreement, that's all," he added, his tone dismissive.

"A disagreement?" The laugh that escaped me was harsh. I pushed away from his chair, turning so I wouldn't have to look at him. My hand scraped roughly across my face, trying my best not to take a hit on him. "She was in tears, Satoru. She could barely get the words out."

He didn't answer. Just straightened up, brushed imaginary dirt from his lab coat. Then he was on his feet, moving past me to the whiteboard as if I wasn't even there. As if we weren't having this conversation.

He picked up a marker, adding to the chaos of scribbles already there — equations that went nowhere, diagrams that made no sense.

"God, would you just—" I ran a hand through my hair in frustration. "You can't just ignore this, Satoru."

His knuckles went white around the marker. For a second, I thought he might actually turn around and hit me.

"How long are you gonna keep doing this to her?" I pressed. "Until she breaks completely?"

"You think I'm not aware of that," he muttered, still facing the board.

"Then fucking stop. If you can't treat her right, just let her go."

That got him. He spun around, eyes hard. "Oh, you'd love that, wouldn't you?"

I blinked, taken aback. "What's that supposed to mean?"

Satoru laughed, but there was no humor in it. "Come on, Suguru. Don't act like you haven't been waiting for this. Waiting for your chance."

"That's not—" The words stuck in my throat. "This isn't about me."

"No?" He took a step closer. "Then what is it about? Why do you care so much?"

"Because she deserves better than this. And you know it."

"Better? You mean like you?" His lips curled into something cruel. "Too bad she's not yours to care about, huh? Even though you think you'd be so much better for her than me." He tilted his head, eyes cold. "Funny, isn't it? She doesn't want you, even knowing how bad I am for her. What does that say about you?"

The words hit like a physical blow, each word a serrated edge twisting in my gut. It took everything in me not to grab him by the throat. "You're being a dick."

"And you're being a lying piece of shit. When were you gonna tell me?" His voice dropped dangerously low. "About how you feel about her?"

"This isn't about me," I repeated through gritted teeth. "This is about what you're doing to her."

"You don't know anything about us."

I stepped closer, close enough to see the shadows under his eyes. "What happens when she finds out the truth, huh? When you're passed out in some hospital bed? That how you want her to learn about it?"

Something flickered in his eyes — pain, maybe guilt — but it was gone in an instant.

"Stay out of it," he said, his voice cold. "Just... stay out of it."

He turned back to the board. I watched him, this man I'd known my whole life, suddenly feeling like a stranger.

"What happened to you?" I asked quietly.

He didn't turn around. "Yeah," he said, his voice heavy. "Guess we'd all like to know, wouldn't we?"

I watched him scribble new, illogical equations on the whiteboard, this stranger wearing my best friend's face, and for a moment I saw echoes of who we used to be.

Late nights in the university library, surrounded by towers of medical textbooks. Satoru falling asleep on his notes, drooling on diagrams of the nervous system while I threw paper balls at his head to wake him up. The way we'd quiz each other until sunrise, high on caffeine and the shared dream of becoming surgeons.

Our residency years, which were nothing but brutal and endless. Sleeping in on-call rooms, stealing each other's coffee, covering for each other when we were dead on our feet. Learning to navigate the maze of hospital politics together. 

The rush of our first successful surgeries, the crushing weight of our first losses.

Even when things got bad, when the pressure started getting to him, when the pills became more than just a way to stay focused during exam season, he never shut me out completely. He'd show up at my door at 3 AM, shaking and sweating, and I'd let him in without a word. We'd sit in silence until the sun came up, until he could breathe again.

I was there through all of it. The interventions, the relapses, the promises to get clean. The nights when he'd call me, voice slurred, talking about how he didn't know how to go on. I'd talk him down, drive across town to pick him up from whatever hole he'd crawled into. 

We were brothers in everything but blood.

But now—

Now he stood there, shoulders rigid, adding meaningless equations to an already chaotic board. The gap between us felt wider than the few feet of lab floor. When did that happen? When did we stop being able to tell each other everything?

Was it when she came into our lives? When he fell in love with her? When I—

No. It was before that. The distance had been growing for a while, so gradually I hardly noticed. Like watching someone drift away on an outgoing tide, too slow to notice until they're already too far to reach.

The marker squeaked against the whiteboard. The sound grated on my nerves, like everything about him did these days. His secrets, his dismissive attitude, the way he kept everyone at arm's length while slowly self-destructing.

"Do you remember," I found myself saying, "that night in our second year of residency? When that kid crashed on my table?"

His hand stilled on the board.

"I was a mess afterward. Convinced I'd missed something, that it was my fault. You came to my place and we sat on the floor until morning, going over every detail of the surgery until I finally believed that I couldn't have saved him."

He didn't turn around, but I saw his shoulders tense.

"What happened to us, Satoru?"

The marker dropped from his hand, clattering against the metal tray. The sound echoed in the quiet lab.

"I don't know" he said finally, his voice barely above a whisper, "I'm tired of it all."

We stood there, two people who had once finished each other's sentences, now unable to find the right words. Silence stretched, thick and suffocating, filled with twenty years of shared history that suddenly felt meaningless.

I wanted to grab him, shake him, make him see what he was doing to himself. To her. To us. But I stayed where I was, the distance between us feeling more insuperable by the second. 

This strange, hollow feeling in my chest — was this what growing apart felt like? This gradual realization that the person standing before me, had become someone I didn't recognize?

But the details were still there—the slight crook in his nose from that basketball accident in high school with him, laughing it off even as blood dripped onto his jersey—the white line across his knuckles from that fight behind the gym, my own fists aching as I pulled him away—the small scar above his eyebrow from when we tried to climb that tree in sixth grade, both of us sworn to secrecy, telling our parents we fell off our bikes. 

Every mark told a story I could recite in my sleep, yet somehow, they all added up to someone I didn't know anymore. Like looking at a familiar photograph that had been subtly altered — all the pieces were there, but the picture was wrong.

My best friend, my brother, the person who knew me better than anyone — when did he become such a stranger? When did our comfortable silences turn into this suffocating void? 

The thought sat like lead in my stomach, bitter and cold, as I realized that sometimes knowing every scar on someone's skin doesn't mean you know what's beneath it anymore.

─────── ౨ৎ ───────

(note: s&c and r&r reader)

Days blurred together in a haze of surgeries and lectures. 

I went through the motions, my hands steady as ever in the operating room, my voice clear during presentations. To anyone watching, I was the picture of professional composure. But inside? I don't know.

I thought I was doing a decent job of holding it together until one of my students approached me after a practically grueling morning lecture. The young man clutched a stack of papers, a sheen of sweat glistening on his forehead.

"Dr. Geto, about my thesis proposal—"

I cut him off with a wave of my hand, not even looking up from gathering my materials. "Email me to request thesis mentorship. I'll review your proposal and get back to you."

"Oh... you're, ehm, already my thesis advisor. We had an appointment scheduled for today."

I froze, finally looking at the student—really looking at him. Recognition dawned slowly, followed by a wave of shame. Takada Jun, one of my most promising students. We'd met twice a month since the semester began. Damn it.

"You're right," I said. "Sorry, can we reschedule?"

I was better than this. More professional than this. But lately, everything felt like it was slipping through my fingers.

The research lab was closed for the week—a "cooling off period," Yaga had called it. I knew what it really meant. We were all too volatile, too raw from recent events to work together effectively. So I went home early, something I never did.

My apartment felt emptier than usual, the silence pressing in from all sides. I tried reading, but the words swam before my eyes. I attempted to eat, but everything tasted like ash. Even my usual evening cigarette was bitter and harsh in my lungs.

My thoughts kept drifting to Satoru, wondering what he was doing, not if he was using, only what cocktail of pills he'd chosen this time. The math was easy enough—one to stay awake, two to fall asleep, three to numb the edges, repeat as needed. I'd seen it too many times before.

I crushed out my cigarette, watching the ember die. I reached for another only to find an empty pack. Figured. I should go buy more, knew I'd need them if I let myself think about her, about them. But I didn't want to leave the apartment, couldn't put on real clothes.

My only glimpse of light was the art exhibition on Saturday. The thought of it made something in my chest loosen, just slightly. I pulled out my phone, staring at our last exchange of messages before typing out a new one.

[6:45 PM] Me: Should I pick you up for the exhibition?

Her response came quickly.

[6:47 PM] Attorney: Let's meet there. I might be running late from a study group.

[6:47 PM] Me: Sounds good.

I hesitated, then added.

[6:48 PM] Me: Looking forward to it.

[6:49 PM] Attorney: Me too :)

A small smile tugged at my lips. For a brief, ridiculous moment, I wondered if I should bring flowers. The thought made me pause, my hand reaching automatically for my cigarettes before remembering the empty pack. What the hell was I doing?

This was wrong on so many levels.  She was my patient. Well, technically Satoru's patient. And young—god, she was so young. And I was... what? A mess of a man carrying a torch for someone I could never have, trying to fill that void with someone else? I was not sure.

My mind kept drifting back to that night at the bar. The way she felt pressed against me in that dimly lit bathroom, her skin warm under my touch. The soft sounds she made when I slipped my fingers inside her—God, I shouldn't be thinking about this.

This was getting pathetic. Still. Saturday couldn't come fast enough.

─────── ౨ৎ ───────

(note: r&r reader)

I was late. Damn it, I was so late.

The emergency surgery had gone longer than expected—a complex arteriovenous malformation that refused to behave. By the time I closed, my hands were cramping and my neck was stiff from hours of hunching over the microscope. But the patient would live, and that's what mattered.

Still, as I rushed through the hospital parking lot, yanking off my scrub cap and shoving it in my pocket, I couldn't help but check my watch again. Two hours late. Shit. I'd texted her updates throughout, but still. Two hours.

The art exhibition was being held in some converted warehouse space downtown. Even from outside, I could see the warm light spilling onto the street through the large windows, hear the soft sound of voices and clinking glasses. I paused at the entrance, trying to catch my breath and compose myself.

That's when I spotted it—a small splash of red on my shirt sleeve, barely visible but unmistakably blood. Perfect. Because showing up late wasn't bad enough, I had to show up looking like I'd just walked off a crime scene.

I quickly shrugged my jacket back on, tugging the sleeves down to cover the stain. It would have to do.

She was standing alone near a large abstract painting, wine glass in hand, studying the canvas. Even in a room full of people, she seemed somehow apart from it all. The sight of her there all by herself felt like fingers wrapping around my heart.

"I am so, so sorry," I said as I approached, placing my hand on her lower back.

She turned, and the smile that lit up her face made my stomach flip. How could she look at me like that when I'd kept her waiting for two hours?

"Hey, you made it!" She didn't sound angry at all. If anything, she seemed genuinely happy to see me. It only made the guilt weigh heavier in my chest.

"I'm really sorry," I repeated, because apparently that's all I could say. "The surgery took longer than expected. There were complications and—"

"Did you save them?"

I blinked, caught off guard by the directness of her question. "Yes."

"Then stop apologizing." She took a sip of her wine, her eyes twinkling. "Besides, fashionably late is totally in right now."

"Two hours isn't fashionably late, it's just rude."

"It's your job," she said simply. "Saving lives tends to take priority over art exhibitions."

I watched her for a second longer, unsure how to react. "Have you been here alone this whole time?"

"Yeah, but it's fine," she said, waving off my concern. "I've actually had time to explore everything properly. Plus, the wine is decent."

Guilt twisted in my stomach. I pictured her wandering these halls alone, checking her phone for my updates, making awkward small talk with strangers. For two hours.

"I really am—"

"If you apologize one more time, I swear I’ll spill this wine on your jacket. And you know me—I don’t need much of an excuse to be clumsy." Before I could respond, her eyes narrowed, focusing on something near my collar. "Is that?"

I followed her gaze to where my jacket had shifted, revealing the telltale red stain. Damn it. I quickly tried to adjust my jacket, but she caught my arm, stopping me.

"Sorry," I muttered. "I'm a mess. I should have gone home to change first, but I didn't want to be any later than I already was."

"Hey," she said, leaning in conspiratorially, "if anyone asks, we'll just tell them it's paint. I mean, we are at an art exhibition. Who's going to look too closely?"

Despite myself, I laughed. "You'd make a terrible witness in court, you know that?"

"Good thing I'm going to be a lawyer then, not a witness." She grinned. "Come on, I want to show you my favorite pieces. And maybe we can find you a painting with enough red in it to stand near. You know, for cover."

I let her lead me through the gallery, and I found myself placing my hand on the small of her back. It was an unconscious gesture, one I immediately second-guessed, but she leaned into the touch slightly. So I let my hand stay where it was.

"You're not still feeling guilty about being late, are you?" she asked suddenly, glancing up at me.

"Maybe a little."

She rolled her eyes. "Well, stop it. Although—" She pretended to think for a moment. "You could make it up to me by buying me another glass of wine."

"Done," I said immediately. "Although maybe I shouldn't be encouraging drinking."

"Oh, now you're being a doctor again?"

"Force of habit."

She laughed, the sound warm and genuine, wrapping around me like summer rain. Dangerous, how easily I could get used to that sound. She led me further through the gallery, linking her arm through mine, chattering away about everything and nothing. 

It was fascinating how much she knew—not just about the art itself, but about the whole scene. She'd point to a painting and launch into stories about the artist's infamous feuds with gallery owners, or how someone's entire series was inspired by a bad breakup with another artist three rooms over. 

She knew every bit of gossip, every drama. Which curator was sleeping with which artist, which pieces were painted during mental breakdowns, which collections were secretly commentary on messy divorces. She made the plain white walls of the gallery come alive with her stories.

"Oh, and that guy over there?" She nodded discretely towards a man in an expensive-looking suit. "He's actually—"

I caught myself staring at her again, watching the way her eyes lit up as she spoke, the subtle changes in her expression as she moved from one story to the next. The way she'd lower her voice when sharing particularly bits of details, leaning closer to me like we were sharing secrets.

It was strange. I never knew that art was so... fun. Her excitement was contagious, and I found myself being pulled into her world without resistance.

"You're not even looking at the painting anymore," she accused, catching me staring at her instead of the canvas she was discussing.

"Sorry," I said, trying to focus on the painting she'd been discussing. "You were saying something about the use of negative space?"

She launched back into her explanation, describing techniques and influences I barely understood. But there was something captivating about her, the way she could find something fascinating in every piece, even the ones she claimed to hate.

I couldn't help myself. I had to ask.

"Why law?"

She blinked, caught off guard by the sudden change in topic. "What?"

"You're clearly passionate about art. You know all these techniques, all this history. Why aren't you studying art instead of law?"

Her smile faltered slightly. "We've had this conversation before, remember? Stability, good career, making my parents proud—"

"But that's what your parents want. What do you want?"

She was quiet for a moment, her fingers playing with the stem of her wine glass. When she finally spoke, her voice was soft, almost resigned. "It's not that simple."

"It could be."

She looked up at me then, something flashing in her eyes that might have been anger. "Says the successful neurosurgeon who followed his passion."

"That's different—"

"Is it?" She took a sip of wine and pulled her arm away from mine, the loss of contact unexpectedly cruel. "You chose medicine because you loved it, right? Because you couldn't imagine doing anything else?"

I thought about Satoru, about following his lead into neurosurgery, about all the complicated reasons behind my choices. "It's... not that simple either."

"Exactly." She gave me a knowing look. "Life rarely is."

We stood there in silence for a moment, both lost in thought. Around us, the gallery filled with the white noise of clinking glasses and polite laughter.

"I'm sorry," I began. "I shouldn't have said that."

She shook her head, loose strands of hair catching the light. "No, it's... you're not wrong to ask. It's just complicated." She paused, staring into her wine glass. My parents worked so hard to put me through school. Dad worked double shifts at the factory, Mom cleaned houses on weekends. They saved every penny they could."

"They were so proud when I got into law school," she continued, her voice softer now. "You should have seen their faces. Dad actually cried—I'd never seen him cry before. They threw this little party in our apartment, invited all the neighbors. Mom made this huge spread of food even though I know they couldn't really afford it."

She smiled at the memory, but there was something bittersweet in it. "They see law school as this—this ticket to a better life, you know? This chance for their daughter to have everything they couldn't give themselves. How could I tell them I'd rather spend my days covered in paint?"

"They sound like good parents."

"The best," she agreed. "That's why it's so hard. Every time I think about changing paths, I remember how much they've sacrificed. The hours they worked, the things they went without. Dad's still picking up extra shifts to help with my expenses, even though I tell him not to."

She turned to look at a nearby painting, but I could tell she wasn't really seeing it. "Sometimes I calculate how much they've invested in my education, down to the last yen. It feels like a responsibility, you know." A pause. "So I'm—acting. Playing dress-up in these fancy suits, pretending to care about corporate law and international trade agreements. But it's okay."

Her story settled like lead in my stomach. Here I was, someone who'd never had to watch his parents sacrifice anything, presuming to give advice about following dreams. And suddenly, I felt almost ashamed of my own privilege. 

I grew up never wanting for anything. My parents had well-paying jobs and valued education above all else. Private tutors, college prep courses, academic summer programs—they spared no expense in paving my path to success.

When I decided to go into medicine, my biggest concern had been whether I was doing it for myself or just following Satoru's lead. Not whether I could afford it. Not whether it would drain my family's savings.

I'd never had to work during university. Never had to count pennies for textbooks. Never had to weigh the cost of pursuing my dreams against my family's needs. The academic world had been my playground, every door already half-open. I feel so dump.

Sure, medical school had been demanding. The long hours of study, the grueling residency, the constant pressure to excel—but I'd never had to wonder if I could afford to chase my passion. Never had to choose between my dreams and my family's financial stability.

I lived in a nice apartment, drove a decent car, could afford my vices without a second thought. And here she was, brilliant and passionate, having to bury her dreams because she couldn't bear to waste her parents' years of hard work.

Looking at her now, in this gallery surrounded by art she understood so deeply, I could see the weight of those unrealized dreams in the way she held herself. In how her eyes lingered on each painting a bit too long, like she was trying to capture a piece of what could have been.

"I hope you get to paint someday," I said finally, the words feeling inadequate. "The way you want to. Not just alone in your apartment, but really paint. Show your work. Be the artist you clearly are inside."

She looked up at me, surprise flickering across her face. Then her gaze dropped to her wine glass, her fingers tightening around the stem. A strand of hair fell forward, and she pushed it back with unsure fingers.

"I mean it," I continued, resisting the urge to brush that stubborn strand of hair back myself. "Besides, who says you can't have both? Practice law until you're stable enough to pursue art. Or find a way to combine them—art law is a thing, isn't it?"

"You're awfully supportive, for someone who barely knows me," she said quietly, the words half-muffled by her wine glass.

"Is that such a bad thing?"

She shook her head, blinking rapidly. "No, I just... I'm not used to people understanding. Everyone else just talks about being practical, about growing up and facing reality. Like art is somehow childish."

The last words came out bitter, and without thinking, I reached out to touch her chin, tilting her face up to meet my gaze. Her skin was warm under my fingers, and I could feel her pulse flutter at the contact.

"Art isn't childish," I said firmly. "Neither is wanting to pursue something that you're passionate about. That's actually pretty brave."

Something shifted in her expression then, a softness I hadn't seen before. We stood there for a moment, her eyes locked with mine. That's when I finally realized I was still cupping her chin, my thumb absently brushing against her skin. I quickly dropped my hand.

"I really want to see them." The words slipped out before I could stop them. "Your paintings, I mean." 

It felt too intimate, too presumptuous. Like I was asking to see more than just her art, but something deeper, more personal. But she just smiled, a real smile this time, reaching up to tuck that persistent strand of hair behind her ear.

"Okay," she said. "If you promise not to judge too harshly."

"I already know they're great," I said softly, surprising myself with how much I meant it. "I don't know much about art, but I know they're great because you painted them." Then my phone buzzed in my pocket. My heart nearly stopped when I saw the caller ID.

I took an instinctive step back from her. "I'm sorry, I need to take this," I said, already bringing the phone to my ear. "Hello?"

There was silence on the other end, just soft breathing that I knew too well. Then, "Suguru?"

Something in her voice made my chest tighten. She sounded—lost. Different from her usual self. Gone was that fierce confidence, that spark that made her so much like Satoru. Instead, she sounded small, fragile.

"Hey," I said softly. "Everything okay?"

"Yeah, I just—" A pause. "I don't even know why I'm calling."

Someone laughed loudly behind me. She must have heard it through the phone because she hesitated. "Sorry, are you out somewheret? I don't want to—"

"No, no," I said quickly, probably too quickly. "It's fine. Really. Talk to me. What's going on?"

I was painfully aware of the her standing nearby, pretending to study a painting while obviously trying not to listen. I caught her eye briefly, gesturing that I needed a moment. She nodded, with an understanding in her eyes that somehow made it worse.

I quickly made my way to the entrance where the coats hung, seeking somewhere quieter. She was quiet for so long I thought she might have hung up. Then, in a small voice that didn't sound like her at all, "Is he okay?"

I didn't need to ask who she meant.

"He's okay," I said, even though I wasn't really convincing either of us. "You know Satoru. He's managing."

A soft laugh, maybe a sob. "That could mean anything with him."

"No, really. He's okay," I lied. "I'm keeping an eye on him."

A pause then, "I'm being stupid, aren't I?"

"No," I said. "You're not being stupid. You're in love." The words hurt to say, but they were true. "That's never stupid."

Another shaky breath. "I shouldn't have called. You're out, and I'm here just—"

"Hey, do you need me?" I cut in. "I can bring you something. Coffee? Food? Those terrible convenience store onigiri you pretend not to like?"

That got a real laugh, albeit a watery one. "No, I'm... I'm actually at Maki's. She dragged me out. Said I needed to stop rotting in my apartment."

"Good. That's... that's good." I ran a hand through my hair, not quite believing her. I knew her too well by now, knew she was probably curled up alone in her apartment, just as I knew she knew I was lying about Satoru being okay. Strange, how we'd both gotten so comfortable with these little deceptions. "But the offer stands. Anytime."

"Thank you, Suguru." Her voice was softer now.

"Yeah," was all I could manage. I closed my eyes, pressing the phone harder against my ear as if I could somehow keep her there longer.  Each second of silence felt like another chance to say something, anything, to make this right. But what could I say? That I was sorry? That I missed her? That I thought about her every damn day?

"I should let you get back," she said. "To wherever you are. Sorry for—"

"Don't apologize. Not to me. Never to me."

I took a deep breath, briefly pulling the phone away from my ear because I couldn't trust my voice not to say what I desperately wanted to. Don't go. Stay on the line. Let me fix this. But I had no right to ask that of her. Not anymore. Maybe never did.

After we hung up, I stood there in the gallery's entrance, frozen. Around me, couples laughed and gathered their coats, heading out into the night. The door kept opening and closing, letting in bursts of cold air inside, reminding me I needed to move, needed to go back.

When I finally made my way back to her, she was studying the same stormy seascape from earlier. She didn't turn around immediately, giving me a moment to compose myself. Maybe it was some sort of kindness on her part.

She didn't ask about the call. Didn't question my sudden disappearance or the tension I knew was in every fiber of my being. Instead, she just glanced at me with a small smile that somehow made everything both better and worse, and said, "I think we've seen everything. Should we head out?"

The relief nearly knocked me sideways. "You sure? There's still the upper floor—"

"Please," she said. "I've been here for hours. I could probably give tours at this point."

I watched her gather her things, struck by how carefully she was moving around the weight of what had just happened. Like she understood something about me that I hadn't expected her to grasp. 

"You're awfully understanding, you know that?"

She looked up at me. "Something we have in common, it seems."

We walked to the exit in silence. I helped her into her coat, her fingers brushing mine as she adjusted her collar. Outside, the night air was sharp with the bite of early autumn. She pulled her coat tighter around herself.

"I can call you a taxi," I offered.

"Actually," she said, "I think I'll walk." She looked up at the sky, where a few stubborn stars managed to shine through Tokyo's light pollution. "It's not far, and it's a nice night."

"Not a chance," I said, already pulling out my phone. "It's late."

"I'm a big girl, you know. I can handle myself."

"I'm sure you can," I replied, already dialing the taxi company. "But humor your doctor, will you?"

She rolled her eyes but didn't protest further. While we waited for the taxi, she stood close enough that I could smell her perfume, something light and floral, while I tried to ignore the guilt for leaving the exhibition early, guilt for being late, guilt for enjoying myself despite everything else.

"Thank you," I said suddenly. "For tonight."

"No problem, doc," she said with a warm smile. "Next time, maybe we can finish looking at the art."

"Next time," I echoed, like a promise I wasn't sure I should be making. The taxi pulled up, its yellow light cutting through the darkness. I opened the door for her. 

She turned before getting in, looking back over her shoulder. "Oh, and Suguru?" The use of my first name sent an unexpected shiver down my spine. "Don't overthink everything tonight, okay?"

I watched the taxi disappear into the flow of traffic, its red taillights blending with all the other lights of the city. Only then did I pull out my cigarettes, lighting one with slightly shaking hands. The night felt colder without her presence.

I took a long drag, watching the smoke disappear into the night air, then started walking in the opposite direction, no real destination in mind, just a vague hope that if I walked long enough, the conflicting feelings churning inside me might fade away. 

The city lights blurred around me, and somewhere in the distance, I could hear the last trains of the night rumbling through their stations.

Next time, she'd said. 

God help me, but I was already looking forward to it.

<- prev chapter | next chapter ->

author's note — hello again! i hope you enjoyed this chapter from suguru's pov. i'm sorry for the lack of updates lately, university life and low motivation can be a real challenge. but i'd love to hear your thoughts, so feel free to leave a comment or send in a message. i love to read them <3

& i hope his pov didn’t break your heart too much, especially with his and satoru’s spiraling friendship. also, this chapter ties back to ch 14 of symptoms and causes, for those who are following along.

pls consider subscribing to the story on ao3 or turning on notifications for my blog for furute updates (i've given up on taglists, to be honest).

and as always, thanks for reading, and i wish you all the best, whether you're reading this in the middle of the day or late at night :))

© lostfracturess. do not repost, translate, or modify my work.

[xomakara]

All About You

SUMMARY | You and your five boyfriends go on a trip. PAIRING | NCT ‘00 Line/Reader GENRE | smut with no plot, unprotected sex (wrap it up everyone!), oral sex, anal sex, vaginal sex, gangbang, multiple penetration, sex in general, filthy sex RATING | Mature LENGTH | 6K words AUTHOR’S NOTE | Oh lord…please excuse me as I go dunk myself in holy water.

"Baby, are you close?" Haechan whispered in your ear as he stroked your cheek.

"Fuck, Haechan...I'm so close." You could barely get the words out through your panting breath.

"Fuck, she's clenching down on me!" Jeno groaned, his breathing matching yours, "She must be very close, because it feels like she's squeezing the life out of my dick."

Haechan let out a chuckle and stroked your hair back gently, watching as you bounced on Jeno's cock, taking him all the way inside of you, causing you to tremble with pleasure at how good you felt wrapped around his thick shaft. He moved his hand up from your hip to the small of your back and squeezed gently. "It looks like your body is craving more."

"Mmm..." You moaned and then quickly corrected yourself, "Not that I don't love what we're doing now, but I need to feel something more inside of me too."

Jeno started thrusting faster now and Haechan stopped rubbing your ass to move his other hand to the front of your body, resting it on your clit. He lightly pinched it as he continued moving your hips up and down on Jeno's cock. "That's right, baby. Fuck your little pussy harder for us."

You bit your lip as you rode Jeno's cock faster. Your legs were starting to shake now, which only intensified your need for release. "Oh god, Haechan, I'm gonna come so hard..."

"Did she come yet?" You heard Jaemin asking Haechan as they watched you ride Jeno's dick. There was no mistaking the lust in his voice. You could tell by the tone of his voice that he was getting off on this just as much as you were.

"Kitten," Renjun whispered in your ear. "Does Jeno's cock feel good? Tell us how it feels."

"So good...so fucking good..." You whimpered, feeling Jeno's cock throbbing inside of you.

"Our little dumpling must be close." Yangyang muttered from his spot in the corner, watching you riding Jeno's cock with nothing but a towel covering him. "And that tight pussy of hers is milking his cock for everything it's worth."

"Baby, you look so damn hot right now." Haechan whispered in your ear as he trailed kisses along your neck, letting them linger near your collarbone. You closed your eyes and pressed your face against Haechan's chest.

"Oh my god, I'm coming..."

Your body shook from the waves of pleasure washing over you and you cried out as Jeno began filling your insides with his warm seed. You clenched down on him, trying to milk every last drop of cum from his balls, but the man simply refused to let go. He kept grinding into you, his dick still hard, even after he had finished shooting his load deep inside of you. As he held himself inside of you, your body shuddered uncontrollably, your face buried in Haechan's chest as you trembled and cried from the blissful aftershocks of orgasmic bliss coursing through your body. It took you several minutes before you could regain control of your body enough to slide off of Jeno and collapse on the bed beside him.

Jaemin came to your side in an instant, kissing you deeply as you reached out to grasp his naked chest. "How does our little Y/N feel? Do you want more?"

Ever since you and your five boyfriends moved in together, your sex life has become a daily ritual of steamy threesomes, late night drunken sessions and even spontaneous gang bangs. You can never get enough of each other and it's all thanks to you being open minded and not putting labels on anything that goes on between you.

To the outside world, you and Haechan were just a couple that loved each other deeply and unconditionally, but that was just one side of the story. They knew about Renjun, Jeno, Jaemin and Yangyang but most people assumed that you were all just friends. And while they may have thought that the six of you had settled into an unbreakable bond, they couldn't possibly know what really went on behind closed doors.

You laid in bed, trying to compose yourself as you listened to your boyfriends talking about how well the night went. Jaemin was whispering sweet words in your ear, praising how much of a good girl you'd been, saying that you made sure to make everyone feel good, how you deserved to have such good men worship you. The others were making similar comments about how they had all enjoyed themselves, but Jeno sounded especially proud.

You smiled softly to yourself and glanced over to see Haechan smiling at you with pure adoration. He was your whole world. No matter how many times you came, or how many orgasms you gave out, you would always return to him, unable to find anyone else who could match the passion you shared with him. Even though he was your first real boyfriend, he would always hold a special place in your heart because he taught you how to love, and trust.

As your thoughts drifted to Haechan's strong arms wrapped around you and his firm lips caressing your skin, you remembered another reason why you loved Haechan so much: Because he had introduced you to the other four men who would change your life forever. You had five men who loved you as their own and wanted to share you with each other, without any rules or limits. And the best part was, no matter what happened, you would always have Haechan there to take care of you, loving you with all of his heart.

"Baby, you okay? Are you feeling sore?" Haechan kissed your forehead tenderly as he replaced Jeno's spot on the bed.

"No, I'm fine...just thinking about tonight makes me tired." You said and buried your head in his chest.

"Ahhh...that's understandable. It takes a lot of energy for us to fuck that tight little pussy of yours over and over again." Jeno laughed as he caressed your thigh. "But don't worry; we'll let you rest tomorrow. We'll go ahead and get cleaned up for now."

You snuggled closer to Haechan, smiling to yourself as you felt Renjun and Yangyang clean your body with washclothes and soap, gently wiping away every last trace of sweat and semen from your flushed skin. As you drifted off to sleep, safe in the knowledge that these five men would protect you and make sure that you always had what you needed, you couldn't help but smile.

"I feel like I've been torn in half." You groaned the next morning, your head on Jaemin's shoulder. "I swear, if my vagina hurts anymore, I might die."

"You say that all the time, bunny." Jaemin laughed. "But you still want us to fuck you senseless, right?"

You rolled your eyes. "Whatever. You guys are just lucky I'm built like a goddamn pole. You all can use me however you want."

Renjun chuckled as he joined in the conversation. "I think it's safe to say that there isn't a man alive who doesn't want to bend our little Y/N over and take her for a ride."

"Speaking of rides..." Jeno piped up, placing his hand under your chin and turning your head to meet his eyes, "we have some news to share with you."

Yangyang cleared his throat. "Yeah...we talked about it last night, and decided to take a trip to Busan. We'd thought it would be nice to take a vacation together before school starts."

Jaemin nodded, "We all really wanted to do this. You deserve a nice vacation and this is something that we've been wanting to do for a long time."

"Really? A road trip?" You asked, perking up a bit at the prospect of spending some alone time with the guys.

"Really, really." Haechan said as he walked into the kitchen. He gave you a kiss on the forehead and sat down next to you. "Are you excited?"

You grinned. "Very."

"Okay, great." Haechan kissed you again and then turned his attention to the others. "Well, what do you say, guys? Shall we pack up and hit the road?"

The guys began chattering amongst themselves, discussing what they should bring with them and where they should stop along the way. After they had finally settled on what they were going to bring and where they would stay during their vacation, you stood up from the table and stretched, yawning loudly. "I guess I better get ready for the day. Let me get my bag packed and I'll be ready to go."

"I'll drive today." Jaemin volunteered. "I wanna see if I can break any land speed records."

"Oh yeah?" You asked, feigning surprise. "Should I start counting miles or something?"

He chuckled. "Just relax and enjoy the ride. When you're not fucking one of us, that is."

You rolled your eyes. "Is sex all you guys think about?"

"Only if it's with you, Y/N." Yangyang winked at you. "But yeah, we can't get enough of your pussy either."

Renjun nodded enthusiastically. "Aye, same here. Those cute tits of yours keep me up at night."

Jeno nodded his head, "That sweet, tight little pussy keeps us up at night too. That pussy is seriously the perfect blend of creamy smoothness and dripping wet, wet nectar. Every time I taste it, it's like I've died and gone to heaven."

You groaned and buried your head in Haechan's chest as he let out a chuckle. "Man, you guys are hopeless."

They all laughed as you walked out of the kitchen and headed to the bathroom. You shed your clothes, stepped into the shower, and stood in the hot water as it washed over your skin. With each passing second, you could feel the tension in your muscles slowly leaving your body and you closed your eyes, savoring the sensation.

Just as you started to drift off, a hand suddenly gripped your hip tightly and spun you around so that you were facing Haechan. Burying his face in your wet hair, he whispered huskily in your ear, "Don't fall asleep now, baby. Wouldn't want you to get hurt. Stay awake, okay?"

"Do I finally get some alone time with my Haechannie? Or will the other boys come in and steal me away?" You giggled softly.

"It's just me, love." Haechan said, grabbing the shampoo and dispensing it into his hands. He lathered your hair. "Just you and me."

"I love you, Haechan." You leaned forward and kissed him tenderly on the lips.

Haechan hummed softly as he continued to wash your hair. "I love you too, baby. Don't forget that."

When Haechan was done rinsing you off, he led you out of the shower and dried you off gently with a large fluffy white towel. Once he was satisfied that you were completely dry, he took your hand and led you back to the bedroom. "Come on, sleepy head. Time to get dressed and get going."

After you had put on a pair of shorts and a tank top, Haechan scooped you up in his arms and carried you out to the living room. You watched as he placed you on the couch and hurried over to grab your backpack.

Your stomach grumbled as you looked around the room, noticing that everyone else seemed to be occupied with packing their things.

"Breakfast in fifteen minutes, Y/N." Renjun announced.

Jaemin smiled as he climbed onto the couch next to you, placing his arm around your shoulders. "C'mon, babe. Let's go get some food for you. We'll eat breakfast, then load up the car and leave. Sounds good?"

"That sounds great." You replied and cuddled close to him, planting a soft kiss on his cheek. "Thank you for everything, you guys."

"Aw, shucks. Thank you for coming with us." Jeno smiled as he gave you a peck on the lips. "And you know we wouldn't have gone anywhere without you, right?"

Yangyang kissed you on the cheek and pulled you close. "This trip wouldn't have been the same without you. Just remember that."

"I know." You said and gave him a quick hug.

After all of the guys had finished packing up, they gathered around the kitchen table to eat a quick meal before hitting the road. After finishing off a plate full of scrambled eggs, toast and hash browns, you were stuffed.

"Alright, I think I'm good to go." You laughed as you pushed your plate away from you.

Jeno smiled. "Good, 'cause I don't want to carry you to the car."

You giggled and patted his cheek playfully. "Uh huh, you say that but I know you'd enjoy it too much."

Everyone laughed as you got up from the table and followed Jaemin out of the house. When you reached the driveway, you saw the two cars that were being loaded up.

Haechan opened your door for you and held out his hand. "Ready?"

"Yep!" You grabbed his hand and he helped you climb into the passenger seat of the jeep. Before you knew it, you were backing out of the driveway and heading toward Busan.

As the sky darkened overhead, you glanced outside of the window and noticed that the town had begun to fade into the distance. The mountains that loomed over the valley were growing larger and more prominent, drawing closer and closer until they enveloped the entire landscape, making it impossible to see anything but darkness.

Suddenly, the car stopped moving as Haechan pulled into a rest stop. You watched the other car pull up behind you and soon both vehicles came to a halt.

"Y/N!" Yangyang shouted as he bounded out of the other jeep and made his way to open your door, only to bury his face in your hair. "I missed you."

You patted his head. "Yangyang, we were just separated by cars. It's not the same thing as actually being apart."

Jaemin pouted as he emerged from the driver's side of the other jeep. "Man, he beat me to get Y/N's attention first."

Renjun shrugged and got out of the other jeep, smiling brightly at you. "Well, hello there, cutie. How's my favorite girlfriend doing? Being stuck in the car with Haechan and Jeno didn't make you go crazy?"

You shook your head. "Not even a little bit."

"Good girl." Renjun ran his fingers through your hair. "Now, are you hungry? We have a little while until we reach Busan."

"Actually, I am kind of hungry." You admitted. "What do you guys have?"

"There's some watermelon, grapes and pretzels in the cooler in the trunk." Renjun informed you. "There's also a picnic basket in there with sandwiches and other snacks in it. We also brought along a few bottles of water."

"Sounds delicious." You laughed as you leaned back against the seat. "Now feed me."

Once everyone had finished eating, Haechan switched off the headlights and opened the windows. The cool breeze caressed your cheeks and played with your hair, sending chills down your spine. Your eyes fell upon the mountain range ahead of you and you felt an overwhelming sense of awe and wonder as the deep purple of the night sky glowed eerily in the background. In spite of how dark it was outside, you could clearly make out every detail of the mountains as they rose high above you, looming silently in the night air. The moon cast a gentle glow across the landscape and illuminated every path of its journey, leading you through a picturesque wilderness.

You leaned out the window to watch Yangyang and Renjun converse quietly beside you. Their voices floated through the wind and surrounded you as you listened to the hushed tones of their voices. From time to time, they would look over at you and smile warmly, reassuring you with every glance. You blushed at their constant adoration of you and you tried your best to pay attention to their conversation. They were discussing how busy school was going to be when they returned to Seoul.

"Hey, baby. Are you getting tired?" Haechan whispered softly into your ear.

“Just a little.” You let out a small yawn. “But, honestly, it doesn’t matter. As long as I’m with you, I couldn’t possibly ever be tired.”

Haechan gazed at you lovingly. "Good answer. Let’s take over the backseat when we get back on the road. Jeno can take over the driving while we sleep.”

"That sounds like a wonderful idea." You mumbled, leaning over and kissing him on the lips.

As soon as the car was in motion again, Haechan crawled into the backseat and tucked you in beside him.

"Sleep well, beautiful." He whispered softly. "Love you."

"I love you too." You murmured, snuggling closer to him.

For the next hour or so, you laid there in silence, simply enjoying the closeness of your boyfriend and the feeling of his strong arms wrapped around you. Each time you began to drift off, you would hear a voice murmur softly in your ear, always waking you up within seconds.

"Keep sleeping, baby." Haechan mumbled in between kisses. "Just close your eyes and enjoy the moment."

You closed your eyes, enjoying the casual banter of Haechan and Jeno as they engaged in small talk while Jeno drove. A feeling of contentment flooded your heart as you drifted further and further into dreamland. For once, you were truly relaxed and stress free.

Soon, you found yourself drifting deeper and deeper into sleep, lulled by the soothing sound of Haechan’s gentle breathing and the hypnotic sway of the car as it raced along the winding roads. All too soon, you were lost in a state of blissful slumber.

When you awoke, you blinked a few times to adjust your vision and slowly turned to find yourself nestled against Haechan’s firm chest. His strong arms were wrapped around you protectively, cradling you gently against him. You took a moment to appreciate the comfort of this intimate embrace. To know that someone cared about you so deeply was a truly comforting thought.

You felt the car come to a stop and heard the door unlock as Renjun entered the vehicle. Opening your eyes, you saw Haechan stirring beside you, taking in your awakening state. He quickly moved his arm off of you and rubbed his face as he sat up.

"I guess we've arrived." He mumbled groggily, stretching out his limbs.

You felt Jaemin climb into the car and lean over, handing you a bottle of water. You took a sip and nodded. "Yeah, I'm pretty sure we're here."

The other guys started to unload the jeeps and make their way into the little house that you rented out for the duration of your trip. When they had finally finished and piled into the living room, they each gave you hugs.

"Morning, princess." Jeno murmured affectionately. "You looked so peaceful sleeping during the drive. I didn't want to wake you."

You grinned. "Thanks, Jeno. I really needed sleep."

"Of course, Kitten." Renjun walked over and planted a soft kiss on your forehead. "Don't you worry. We'll take care of you."

You smiled at him gratefully and accepted the kiss. “Thank you. I’m so glad I get to spend this week with you guys.”

“We’re so glad you decided to come with us.” Haechan commented as he walked over and knelt down beside you. “It means a lot to us that you agreed to go on this trip."

"I love you all, you know that right?” You sighed happily. “Every single one of you is my family."

"Hi, dumpling." Yangyang kissed you lightly on the lips. "Looks like you slept well."

You cuddled closer to him. "I did. That nap really helped, especially after that long car ride."

Yangyang smiled. "We're happy to hear that."

He took your hand in his and squeezed it. "How about we grab some food now? I'm sure we're all famished from the long drive."

You stood up and stretched. "Sounds good to me."

"Come on, you guys. Let's go." Renjun called as he led the way into the house.

You followed the others inside and waited patiently for them to finish unpacking and preparing breakfast. Soon, the smell of fresh waffles filled the house and your stomach growled loudly. While you enjoyed the waffles, you took the opportunity to give each man another kiss. They each responded happily, basking in your admiration of them.

While you ate, you conversed with everyone else in the group, laughing and talking merrily as you discussed what they planned to do during the trip. Everyone seemed excited to explore Busan and the surrounding areas and you were eager to follow suit. By the time you had finished eating, it was already past noon.

Haechan pulled out his phone and tapped the screen a few times, bringing up a map of the area.

"Okay, since this is the first leg of our trip, we're gonna need to take things easy." Haechan explained. " Let's rest for the rest of the day and we'll start our activities tomorrow. What do you think?"

You paused for a moment before nodding. "Sure. Sounds good to me."

"Alright then." Haechan checked the time. "Jeno, let's put some music on. No reason why we can't have a party while we relax today."

Jeno nodded. "Gotcha."

Within minutes, he was browsing through his playlist and humming a catchy tune. As soon as he had selected a song, the entire group erupted into cheers and applause. Even you joined in with them and sang along with the lyrics.

As the song continued, you made your way over to Jaemin and plopped yourself in his lap. He smiled warmly and took your hands in his.

"Now this is a surprise. Why is my precious angel sitting in my lap?"

"Oh, nothing much." You giggled. "Just wanted to be closer to you."

Jaemin stroked your cheek softly with his thumb and tenderly cupped your face in his hands. "So sweet. You might as well give me some lovin’ now."

You obliged him eagerly, pressing your body tightly against his as you pressed your lips against his own. As soon as your lips met, sparks flew between the two of you and you felt your heart flutter in excitement. After spending a solid ten minutes of making out with him, you reluctantly pulled away, breaking the connection between you two.

Jaemin gently wiped away the remnants of your lipstick and licked his lips suggestively. "Now I'm expecting more of that later."

With a seductive smirk, you ran your hands over his shirt and pressed your lips to his neck, planting kisses against his skin.

"Are you trying to get the other guys jealous?" Jaemin let out a small huff of laughter. "Because I think it's working."

"Oops." You pouted innocently. "Sorry. Guess I got carried away. I can't help it when I'm with you all. My hormones just run wild whenever I'm near you all. It must be because of how hot you are. You turn me on so easily."

"Mmm…" Jaemin leaned in and nibbled on your bottom lip playfully. "You're right. How am I supposed to focus when you're distracting me like this?"

Your mouth moved away from his, trailing hot kisses down his jawline. As you traced your tongue along his neck, he placed his hand on the back of your head and pulled you closer, deepening the kiss. Every touch of your lips against his sent shivers down his spine and heightened the pleasure you both experienced.

"Oh, Y/N…" He moaned as you pulled away. "Seriously...you're making the others jealous."

You looked over at the others and let out a laugh of your own. It appeared that Jeno and Haechan had taken notice of your display and raised their eyebrows. "I think one of them is ready to throw me over their shoulder and carry me to the bedroom."

Jaemin shook his head, his hands coming to rest on your thighs. "Instead of the bedroom..."

"What are you insinuating, Na Jaemin?" You teased.

Jaemin gestured to the couch cushions. "These cushions look very comfortable..."

You dropped to your knees in front of him and reached for the waistband of his pants. Haechan and Jeno watched on in amusement as you undid the button and zipper of Jaemin's jeans.

"Well, aren't you just the sweetest thing I've ever seen." Jaemin chuckled as you slid his jeans and boxers down his legs, exposing his erect cock. "You gonna suck my dick while the others watch? Because I don't mind if you do."

"You like it when I get naughty, Jaemin?" You smirked.

Jaemin shook his head fondly. "I like everything about you, Y/N."

With a seductive grin, you lowered your mouth to his dick and placed your lips around it. You gently sucked on his length, drawing small moans from his throat. With each stroke, you would take a bit more of him into your mouth until you had taken all of him in. The room was silent except for the moans coming from Jaemin's mouth and the slight slurping sound of you bobbing your head up and down on his shaft.

Soon enough you heard Renjun's soft breathing as he took a seat next to Jaemin, his throbbing erection straining against his jeans. He opened his pants and began rubbing himself over his own bulge, moaning loudly in pleasure. Yangyang sat on Jaemin's other side, already fist pumping his own cock. You watched as Jeno let out a low moan, growing hard as you continued sucking on Jaemin's dick. Haechan kneeled next to you, his hands already rubbing your sweet aching nub as he praised you for taking Jaemin's cock so nicely.

Jaemin's eyes rolled back in his head as he grew more and more aroused, letting out guttural cries of pleasure.

Jaemin grabbed onto your hair, pulling you up to meet his thrusting hips. Your tongue fluttered across the tip of his member and you could feel his body shudder with ecstasy.

Jaemin finally came with a loud shout, shooting his hot cum into your mouth. As you greedily swallowed every last drop of semen, Jaemin collapsed back against the cushions and sighed contently.

You were definitely feeling horny now. Especially after seeing how pleased everyone was with you, wanting to reward you for doing such a good job. While Jaemin caught his breath, you went over to Renjun and tugged at his pants. "Now I'm feeling generous."

His eyes widened as you pulled out his hardened cock and brought it to your lips. "You wanna go again, baby?"

"Mmm...I could suck all of your cocks right now if you'd like me to." You said sweetly, running your tongue around the tip of his dick. "But now I want all of your dicks. In my pussy, in my ass, in my mouth, in my hands..."

Renjun's eyes gleamed with lust as he slid his hands under your short top, lifting it up above your breasts. "Well, isn't this quite the sight?"

Renjun stroked his fingers through your hair and tilted your head up towards his face. "It doesn't matter where you put my dick, baby. All that matters is you feeling good."

You glanced over at Haechan and the other guys, each of them slowly taking off their clothes. Jaemin threw one of the throw pillows on the floor, Haechan taking his position to lay down on it. His eyes were fixated on you, watching as you crawled up his body, capturing his lips in a heated kiss. Your nails dug into his shoulders as you sunk down unto his waiting erection, feeling the fullness of him filling your wet slit.

The smell of arousal was thick in the air and everyone in the room was more than ready to fuck. You couldn't help but feel so damn sexy, wearing nothing but a smile as you lay atop Haechan.

Once you had settled down onto his thick length, you looked up into his eyes. "Ready?"

Haechan laughed. "I'm always ready for you, babe."

You closed your eyes and savored the moment, pressing your naked breasts into his chest. Slowly, you began rocking your hips back and forth, matching the rhythm of your movement with the waves of pleasure that radiated throughout your entire body. Before you knew it, Haechan had his hands on your hips, holding you still as he pounded you harder and faster. You let out muffled whimpers as you arched your back, closing your eyes and soaking in the sensation of being fucked.

You leaned forward, feeling Yangyang positioned himself behind you, his dick lining up with your ass hole.

"Oh fuck." You moaned, feeling both Haechan and Yangyang filling you up. "Yes!"

Yangyang pushed himself deep inside of you, causing you to cry out in pleasure. Both of your holes were stretched beyond capacity by the multiple dicks penetrating them. Yet you didn't care. The only thing you cared about right now was making sure all your boyfriends feel good.

Renjun stood in front of you, dick in hand as he guided it to your mouth. "Open up, kitten. Take my cock."

You obediently opened your mouth and wrapped your lips around his head, sucking lightly. He let out a grunt of satisfaction and withdrew, quickly sliding his cock back into your mouth. With a deep moan, Renjun thrust harder and deeper into your throat, causing you to gag slightly.

You reached for Jaemin and Jeno's cocks, taking both in your hands and stroking them in unison. With a series of movements, you worked them both to a state of orgasmic bliss. Their moans of pleasure echoed throughout the room and filled you with joy. You grinned widely, knowing they were enjoying themselves. You all matched each other's pace; Haechan slamming into your pussy, Yangyang pounding your ass, Renjun shoving his dick down your throat and you fist pumping both Jeno and Jaemin.

Before long, the sounds of grunting and groaning echoed throughout the room, intermingling together to create a beautiful symphony of sex. Each of you became completely lost in the moment, no longer caring who was getting what. Only concerned with pleasing your partners and they pleasing you.

"Fuck, Y/N." Haechan growled, his cock buried balls deep inside of you. "Look at how turned on you are. Seeing all us guys take turns fucking you is driving you crazy, isn't it?"

You nodded vigorously, swallowing thickly as you enjoyed the attention of five rock hard cocks.

"I can tell." He said, bringing his head close to yours. "Tell me, baby. Use your words. Tell me how much you love having us inside of you."

You nodded once again, unable to form any words. Your heart raced and your breath quickened.

Haechan smiled lovingly. "That's it, baby. Feel free to say whatever comes to your mind. Even if it's just some naughty words or an animalistic growl."

You felt Jeno replacing Yangyang's spot from behind you, easing his large dick inside of your ass. "You like getting fucked in the ass, don't you?"

"God yes!" You cried, biting your lower lip. "It feels amazing! And your dick feels so big inside of me!"

Jeno pumped his hips, filling your ass with his dick. "How does it feel?"

You felt Haechan's hands come to rest on your hips, keeping you steady as he thrust deeper into you. "So good...fuck. Fuck. Oh god. Yes."

Jeno pulled out and slammed back into you, his body moving in sync with Haechan. "Let's hear you say it again."

"Ugh. Uhhuhu..." You moaned as the feeling of two dicks sliding in and out of you grew stronger.

Yangyang positioned himself in front of you, his dick slapping against your cheek. "Come on, baby. don't forget about us."

You couldn't help but swallow up his dick, Renjun and Jaemin in your hands at the same time. Your lips parted and you gasped as he pushed his way past your tongue. It felt so warm and good, almost surreal. A delicious mix of sensations rushed through your body, pushing you over the edge into another intense climax.

You moaned and whimpered as the world began to spin around you. This orgasm felt like it lasted forever.

Jaemin and Renjun eyes were locked on you as they stared at you from above, witnessing your passion as they coated your body with their hot jizz. Yangyang couldn't help but hold your head against his cock as he let himself go, grunting loudly as his seed filled your mouth. You felt Jeno's dick stiffen before unloading his cum in your ass and Haechan's cock pulsed several times as he finished filling you up with his seed.

Once the orgasms subsided, the six of you curled up together in the pile of cushions, lazily chatting and caressing each other. Soon, you all fell asleep, lulled by the soft melody of the song playing in the background.

You awoke to find yourself nestled snugly in Haechan's arms. You stretched your limbs and yawned widely, looking around the room curiously. Everyone was still fast asleep, the sunlight streaming through the windows casting beautiful colors on the sleeping faces of the boys. For a moment, you lingered, content to watch the guys sleep.

You wiggled out of Haechan's embrace and winced from the aftermath of all the fucking and sucking that had happened last night. As you rose to your feet, you saw Renjun stirring beside Haechan. He lifted his head and blinked several times before looking at you. A smile crossed his face as soon as he recognized who it was.

"Good morning, gorgeous." Renjun whispered. "Didn't know you had it in you."

Your cheeks flushed and you could feel your face growing hotter by the second. "No more gangbangs for the next few weeks. I'm so sore."

Renjun laughed quietly. "Aw, poor little thing. Whose fault was it to have everyone all at one time?"

"Shut up." You pouted playfully. "You knew what kind of person you were dealing with."

Haechan stirred and groggily got to his feet, rubbing his eyes. He gazed at you with sleepy eyes and stroked your cheek affectionately.

"Morning, love." He murmured. "How are you feeling?"

"Like I could crawl into bed and never leave." You answered honestly. "If I ever ask for another gangbang, I need you to intervene. I can't handle it."

Haechan kissed you on the forehead. "Don't worry about it, darling. If you really don't want to experience another round, I'll make sure that you don't. Promise."

The rest of the guys woke up, each asking how you were feeling from last night. You told them that your legs and back were aching but you otherwise felt fine. Each of them nodded solemnly, having been present during last night's event.

"Sorry, Princess." Jeno muttered. "Maybe next time we won't do it all at once."

"I'm banning sex from all of you." You retorted, rolling your eyes. "Please let my vagina rest."

Everyone burst out laughing, happy to see you feeling better. After breakfast was prepared and served, everyone showered and dressed before heading outside. It was a beautiful day today and it made you glad that they didn't decide to cancel the trip. They had gone swimming earlier in the day, bringing you along to splash around with them. You and the others spent the entire afternoon laying on the beach, soaking up the sun and listening to music. At dinner, you enjoyed the seafood you ordered while watching the waves crash against the sand. By the end of the evening, you couldn't help but fall asleep in Haechan's arms, lulled by the gentle rhythm of the waves.

[my-castles-crumbling]

Disappointment

My wife has requested hurt/comfort jegulus, regulus comforting jamie, so here I am writing, because I would do anything for her (and also like let's be honest, it's not exactly a chore)

@slightly-unhinged-femme <3

-

"Fuck!" James exclaimed, throwing his Quidditch gloves against the wall of the Astronomy tower, almost making himself jump at the loud slapping sound they made.

Ten points. They had been ten points away from a win. Just one more time of getting the Quaffle through the goalpost, and they would've been champions.

"We're counting on you, James!"

"I've got ten galleons on you, Potter!"

"We need this win, James! Don't let us down!

The voices of people wishing him luck flowed quickly through his mind as he crumpled to the floor, head in his hands.

Don't let us down!

But he had. He'd let them down.

He could see the disappointment on his parents' faces, even as he saw them in the stands. He could sense Sirius's sadness as they hugged, both of their scarlet uniforms covered in sweat. He knew he'd fucked up. He'd disappointed them.

All he'd needed was one more goal.

The tears started falling as he replayed every aspect of the game, trying to think of when he could've scored. And there were so many mistakes he made. So many times he could've turned left instead of right, gone up instead of down. Merlin, it really was all his fault.

He didn't hear the footsteps approach until a hand rested on his shoulder.

"Jamie."

He would have known that voice anywhere. The voice of the only person he would ever let see him like this. The only person he wanted to see.

"I fucked up, Reggie," he mumbled, not even looking up.

"You're an idiot," Regulus replied, sliding down to sit with him.

Anyone who didn't know Regulus might have thought he was agreeing with James. But James knew him better. "Yeah?" he asked, chuckling through his tears. "Why am I an idiot this time?"

"Well first, those are dragonhide gloves," Regulus said disgustedly, gesturing to the gloves James had thrown.

James laughed again, wiping at his face.

"But second," Regulus said, softer now, "this isn't your fault."

"I'm the captain," James mumbled, resting his head against Regulus's shoulder, breathing in his comforting scent. "It was my job to-"

"It was your job to lead your team," Regulus interrupted, throwing James a stern look. "Did you lead your team?"

Silently, James nodded, knowing better than to argue.

"Exactly. McKinnon hit that Bludger so far it almost didn't come back! Smith scored from halfway down the Pitch! Sirius finally learned how to hold the damn bat! You led the best team in the damn league, James, and that's on you! And I'll kill you if you tell anyone I said you're the best, by the way," he added quickly as an afterthought.

"But we lost," James murmured, turning pink at the compliment.

"I caught the Snitch," Regulus shrugged, wrapping his green robes tighter over his body. "You lot may be the best team, but I'm the best Seeker."

James stared forward, allowing the words to sink in. "I should be happy for you," he whispered, guilt flooding through him all over again.

"As if I wouldn't have thrown a right fit if we'd lost," Regulus grinned, pressing a kiss to his head. I would've shut myself in my room and read poetry until you knocked down the door, like a right tit.

James snorted. "I...I feel like I let everyone down," he said, voicing the thought that ate at him. The thing that constantly made him worry.

"Well, did you let you down?" Regulus asked, grey eyes piercing through his misery. "Or did you try your hardest, and your talented, attractive, modest boyfriend just happened to beat your arse?"

Again he laughed. "Alright, point taken. I...I'm happy for you. I think."

"As you should be," Regulus laughed, but his tone was teasing.

James smiled, looking at Regulus with admiration.

"By the way," Regulus added softly, pressing another kiss to James's lips, "you didn't let anyone down. We love you for you, James. Not how many points you get in a stupid Quidditch Match."

[mattslolita]

plane to paris - c. sturniolo

in which ... having been in love with him for years, you confess your undying affection for chris just moments before you meet your demise. ( best friend!chris x black!fem!reader )

warnings ; pure sadness, mentions of death, angst, crying

"𝒓𝒊𝒅𝒊𝒏' 𝒐𝒏 𝒂 𝒅𝒐𝒐𝒎𝒔𝒅𝒂𝒚 𝒄𝒐𝒎𝒆𝒕, 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒂𝒍𝒍 𝒊 𝒄𝒂𝒏 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒌 𝒐𝒇 𝒊𝒔 𝒚𝒐𝒖."

˗ˏˋ ꒰ ♡ ꒱ ˎˊ˗˗ˏˋ ꒰ ♡ ꒱ ˎˊ˗˗ˏˋ ꒰ ♡ ꒱ ˎˊ˗˗ˏˋ ꒰ ♡ ꒱ ˎˊ˗˗ˏˋ ꒰ ♡ ꒱ ˎˊ˗˗ˏˋ ꒰ ♡ ꒱ ˎˊ˗˗ˏˋ ꒰

"now boarding, paris, france at gate seven."

you sighed gently, checking your pocket to make sure that your passport and plane ticket were present — this art gala in which you were invited to showcase your own art would be an amazing experience, as well as a much needed vacation from the things you faced at home. the life surrounding your best friends was something they loved you to be apart of, but you couldn't shake the suffocating feeling it gave you. of course, it didn't necessarily have anything to do with their fame — the problem is between you and your best friend chris. but honestly speaking? this problem had grown when you made the mistake of slowly falling in love with him over the years.

anybody with eyes and common sense could see how you cared for chris — everyone except himself. you'd follow him blindly to the ends of the earth like the lovesick young girl you had been, and over time you learned to hide it from everyone; you lied, saying it was a silly crush that you had eventually grown out of. but you couldn't lie to yourself — you would always love chris.

taking one last look at the airport, you get your passport and ticket scanned, then hurriedly walk past the gate. pausing just briefly, you look up and examine the delta airlines with its door open, urging you forward. just then, you feel a wave of uncertainty — something inside was telling you that things were a little off; you quite possible could have been about to make a mistake. but your heart was telling you that for once, you needed a break from the seemingly never ending unrequited love cycle you fell into with chris.

once on the plane, you walked down the row until you reached your designated seat — you hoisted your bags overhead of you just as a sweet looking older woman came to reside next to you, carrying nothing but a pocketbook and gold fountain pen. you take the window seat and she casts you a warm smile as she sits down next to you.

"and what takes you to paris, my dear?" the woman asks you, her eyes twinkling curiously as she studies you.

"oh, um there's an art gala that i'm supposed to be attending," you explain to her, "they're gonna present my art, too."

"that's just wonderful!" the woman smiles, but she tilts her head at you, "and you're going alone? no handsome young man will accompany you?"

you laugh sadly, shaking your head. "i'm afraid i'll be making this trip by myself."

she nods to you in content, and that's when you notice she takes her pocketbook out as well as the fountain pen, which piques your interest. "may i ask what you're writing?"

"why, today's no better time but to write my will," the older woman tells you. as she looks into your eyes, you notice a glimmer in them, sparking up the uncertainty you felt moments before you boarded the plane.

you nod in understanding, deciding to take your phone out of your pocket — opening instagram, you snap a quick picture and caption it 'taking off.' you added the location of the boston airport then posted it to your story, letting out a small breath; then you took your airpods out and clicked shuffle on a playlust, enjoying the music that flowed throughout your ears, as the plane ascended into the sky.

chris sturniolo had finally been able to have a break from his job, and he and his brothers decided they would come back to boston to visit their parents and best friends — nathan doe and y/n l/n were chris's best friends who lived in their hometown, and he didn't get to see them as much anymore.

truth be told he missed the days of their youth when they'd spend every day attached to each other's hips; chris and y/n were thick as thieves, and he missed his partner in crime — her smile, her laugh, the usual box braids she wore with the charms he helped put in her hair, the way she could walk into a room and instantly make those around her happier, her artistic nature...

unfortunately though when chris had arrived with his brothers at nate's house, he informed them about your art gala in paris that would display your art. he couldn't be happier for you, as he knew art was one of your greatest passions — he just wished he'd had the chance to say goodbye and good luck to you before you departed.

when you and chris were twelve years old, your father up and left out of the blue one night; the next morning, you found a note he wrote to you — he ended it saying 'this isn't a goodbye, y/n. i'll see you later.' from then on whenever you and chris departed from each other, you never said goodbye — it was always see you later.

chris, his brothers, and nate currently resided on nate's living room couch to watch the celtics basketball game that was taking place at the moment. if you had been there watching with them, you would've been laughing with nick about how overdramatic nate, chris, and matt were being. he smiled at the thought, picking his phone up from the side of him as the game continued.

he opened instagram, and your story popped up first much to his relief — a picture of the wing of the delta airline plane stared back at him, as well as the caption 'taking off' with a white heart residing next to it. chris smiles and presses a like to the story, silently hoping that you smiled at the notification.

just then a strange feeling tugs at chris's heart; and he realizes he'll be missing you longer than he thought.

he reaches for the remote that sits on the dining table in front of the four boys, causing nate to furrow his eyebrows at the boy. "c'mon man, what're you doin?"

"m'just turning it up some," chris explains.

his finger however misses the volume button and lands on the channel one instead, causing nate and matt to groan furiously as it switches to the news.

"dude, you just-"

"hold on, quiet for a sec," chris says suddenly as his eyes find themselves glued to the headline staring back at him.

"just in about an hour earlier, delta airlines plane to paris catches fire and crashes just before reaching new york. no information yet on what caused the fire, but the innocent lives of 200 passengers including the plane's captain had been lost today on this tragic afternoon."

chris feels his heart drop and sink to his knees, frozen in place as tears fill his vision, blurring his waterline — matt is quick to get up and curse profanities as tears stream down his face, whilst he shakes his head; nick cries to their parents on the phone, telling them that it wasn't fair; nate babbles about how it couldn't be y/n's plane from boston as tears cascade down his cheeks.

chris can hardly breathe in this moment, hearing his heart beat wildly in his eardrums — no, he refused it. there was just no way that she was gone. he wanted to sue boston airport for allowing a faulty plane the permission to even take off.

how could they take off with you on that plane?

it wasn't fair — you were so good, so pure at heart. you had an amazing soul, always helping and giving to those around you whether it was monetary or as simple as a much needed hug. and oh, the way you loved — you loved people with such a strong force that anyone around you could feel the aura, could see the love you projected. chris has witnessed it more times than he can count.

he knew it because of the way you loved him — and for so long, chris wanted to love you with the same force you loved him.

a ding from chris's phone causes him to look at the cellular device in disdain, expecting either his parents or your mother to have been calling him — what he didn't except, was to see a voicemail.

from your number, that only just came through.

"she called me?" chris whispers, his voice cracked and barely audible, but it was enough to make nick, matt, and nate stop in their tracks. chris hesitantly presses play on the recording, holding the phone to his ear has his glossy eyes remain glued to the tv screen in front of him.

"hi, chris.

before i got on this plane, i sensed this weird feeling that i can't really explain for some reason. originally i was gonna facetime the groupchat when i landed, but then i looked over to my sweet older lady friend next to me, and she was writing her will. and it made me realize tomorrow isn't promised so if i don't say something now, you might never know it.

i love you, chris. more than you'll ever know, and not in the way of just friends. i'm in love with you, and i have been since we were kids. i'm not sure that i always did a good job at hiding it, since nick and nate used to tease me about it for the longest. matt would too, but he was definitely understanding about it. they were always telling me that i needed to confess to you, but i was too scared to ruin our friendship and lose you altogether. and besides, i'm almost certain that the way you loved me was strictly platonic. i want you to know that i would never get mad at you for not reciprocating it, because you can't force what you don't feel.

if by a miracle though you did feel the same at some point, i understand how difficult i probably made it for you to want to express your feelings to me. i've always been extremely happy for you and your past girlfriends because even if it wasn't with me, one thing i always wanted was for you to be happy, no matter what. i'm so thankful to have you as my best friend, and i wouldn't trade you for the world. even if i have to do it in silence, i will be in love with you till i die, and even after.

mon amour, je suis tellement désolée merci de me faire sentir aimée je sais que j'ai besoin de toi je t'aime pour toujours je promets que ce n'est pas un au revoir

i'll see you later, chris."

( lilly's section 💌 )

this is my sign to stop listening to plane to paris on repeat😭🙏 but i absolutely love nessa DOWNNN so yeah. i really hope y'all liked this fic ! muah, i love you all always. 💌

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