#and lead to a funnier situation

[potatopassenger]

Inspired by this post

[britcision]

Dungeon Meshi omegaverse headcanons because I can

1) the different human folks have different versions and different degrees but we’re gonna focus on the elves because I want to

2) afab alphas and amab omegas are just a thing that happens, it’s pretty normal and not considered worth commenting on unless you’re really insular, so while there are some sexist stereotypes (like that afab alphas are more attentive parents, although not as good as any omega) it’s not on the “male omega bad” side

It’s about 20% of the alpha/omega population (and betas make up about 60% of the human population so 8% of people total), so not hugely common but way more common than red hair and only a little less than being left handed

Some amab omegas can carry children (especially with magical assistance) and it’s actually a little easier for afab alphas to sire children, since that’s a one time output rather than a prolonged physical process

You also get things like secondary sex homosexuality (alpha-for-alpha gay, ditto omegas) which are basically ignored anyway unless someone’s fussing about bloodlines, and difficult cases like alpha-presenting-omega; an omega who reads like an alpha in scent and all other aspects except when they’re on heat

That’s hard to detect before the cycle actually starts and causes rampant excitement every time, but since alphas being with other alphas isn’t considered noteworthy except in high society, it’s also only a problem around the cycle

3) just like they don’t have sexual dimorphism, there’s no visible external differences between elves in secondary sex either

They’re more about magic than physical force, so you might be able to tell the difference based on their magical specialties (that’s how elves claim they do it but it’s bullshit they are lying)

This often confuses other folks who do; tallmen alphas are physically larger and more muscular (Falin’s an alpha) and omegas are smaller and slimmer, but all the elves are small and slim so tallmen often think they’re all omegas this is not helped by

4) almost all the Canaries are omegas; service is a doubly beneficial arrangement for noble families, who offer their children to show their loyalty just like canon… and to keep inconvenient extra bloodlines from cropping up if those extra omegas have kids

All of the wardens are omegas (except possibly Flamela; this is actually another reason why she’s not allowed into dangerous dungeons) and most of the prisoners are too, although occasionally alphas are allowed to serve

This is not considered a risk because while alphas are more aggressive, elves also consider them less capable leaders since they’re more likely to lose their heads and act rashly when riled up (like when Izutsumi was a kobold from the changelings and had to be stopped from fighting til she died) and just generally less capable, so an alpha convict with their magic bound isn’t considered a serious threat to a capable omega warden

Alphas also don’t necessarily fight to the death, since there’s all the posturing and fighting for position

Elf omegas, on the other hand, will tear your fucking throat out at the first sign of violence because if a fight gets to them it needs to be ended immediately to protect the babies

They have absolutely weaponized this against the demon and the dungeons by intentionally putting their omegas in combat situations

Alpha prisoners are usually only assigned to a single warden for the duration of their service, because they tend to get overprotective of their omega squad-mates and don’t handle personnel shifts well

5) The wardens get sterilized as part of their training, the prisoners are required to be on birth control for the duration of their service but can also request sterilization - birth control’s usually by magical implant so it’s not a huge inconvenience but listen if you want that ute yote it’s yoten

6) Heat cycles absolutely do sync up between themselves and with rut cycles, and the squads get mandatory downtime for a month on either side; luckily they’re elves so they’re on multi-annual cycles rather than seasonal

(Elves who find out how often short-lived omegas go into heat tend to react with shock and sympathy and an immediate “ooooh this is why you die so early”)

(More than one squad have accidentally maimed their alpha if they have a surprise heat)

How a squad handles group heat is up to them, suppressants are part of the basic gear, as are knotting toys, and there’s a whole industry of “heat hotels” where any human single omegas can go to ride out a heat safely either alone with toys or with vetted beta staff (on birth control) of their choosing - the Canaries semi-regularly take them over and occasionally incite orgies because while the heat demands a knot what elves accept as dominance is magical power, not position, so the strongest arcanist in a squad usually reads as an “alpha” to other humans despite their actual sexes

And since there’s no actual rules that omegas can’t hook up for a cycle at the heat house, so long as everyone arrives and agrees before they go into heat it’s a “the more the merrier” situation

They also sync up between different types of humans, but elves sync very slowly and have such long cycles almost no one notices

For no godly reason gnomes sync the fastest but they have relatively mild cycles and don’t seem to mind

Fuck it cycle table:

Dwarves - 6 month cycle - 1 week rut/heat

Elves - 2-3 year cycle - 2 weeks rut/heat

Gnomes - 4 month cycle - 5 days rut/heat

Half-foots(feet?) - 2 month cycle - 3 days rut/heat

Oni - 2 month cycle - 5 days rut/heat

Tall-men - 2 month cycle - 5-7 days rut/heat

7) Mithrun’s squad are extra goddamn protective of him because his cycle also got broken and doesn’t sync properly, but he deadass will not notice when he’s on heat and just continues as usual, while radiating pheromones. He also will not take suppressants any more than he’ll drink or eat

Luckily he also almost never actually goes onto heat, so he just vibes and trains while everyone else is on their heat break and occasionally gets impatient and starts bar fights

Lycion’s been a permanent squad member despite not being an alpha (he’s a beta but the werewolf gets a knot anyway sooooo he’s busy on heat breaks) because he can smell when Mithrun’s going onto heat ahead of time, way before anyone else can

Mithrun’s gone into heat twice since rejoining the Canaries. Cithis, Otta, and Fleki bitch about this constantly with varying degrees of envy, right up until the next time it happens out of the blue and they have to drag his dumb ass out of a dungeon because literally no one was prepared

Otta’s not even an omega she’s a beta too so she uses their heat breaks to flirt with half-foot women which is why she has enough time to date despite being a convict death squad member

(And yeah she’ll “help out” any half-foot lady omegas if they’re not actually already in heat when they arrive at a house the squad’s taken over and can hold a conversation first cuz while technically everyone else can still go through their heat alone and ignore the elves…

Well they’re loud, they’re expansive, Fleki is allergic to personal space, even in heat Cithis has enough top energy to dominate a city block, and Lycion only has one knot and will occasionally need to sleep - more than the heated omegas. They like sharing and there are no consequences provided the hotel has a room big enough)

Fleki will absolutely still use her familiar while she’s on heat and she will not remember to tell anyone she’s doing it, but since she basically just flies away until the next wave demands she get fucked again it’s not all that different from taking a nap from anyone else’s perspective

(Flying in heat is nowhere near as good as flying on shrooms but it does still beat reality)

(Everyone. Everyone has asked her if she’s fucked in the bird. Absolutely everyone. And she never specifies but makes absolutely filthy and biologically unlikely insinuations.

She absolutely did try it once. And since her familiar has genitals at her own discretion, and didn’t google bird genitals before hand, results were Mid)

Cithis has been denied access - or have had people attempt to deny her access anyway - to more than one heat house because absolutely no one who is not an elf believes she’s not an alpha without proof

All the elves have Elf Twink Disease so their alphas aren’t buff and macho anyway and everyone knows it, so her sheer Step On Me Please energy has gotten the whole squad into trouble

(She blatantly refuses to do anything about this and will often make the situation worse for fun or profit until Mithrun tells her to stop)

8) half elves like Marcille have the extremely exciting and unfortunate bonus of potentially being crosses in secondary sex too, just like the non-linear aging - something about the long-lived/shorter-lived magic combo and the elves’ own permutations in particular mean that other human-alpha and elf-beta/omega sometimes happen on the same gene, and other human-omega and elf-beta/alpha is also more likely than elf-alpha and other human-alpha coming together

Some half elves get lucky and get double beta, Marcille did not and got beta-omega (which is at least easier than alpha-omega, the rarest combo but hey if you’re flexible or magically inclined with that one you can kinda just go fuck yourself)

This is why she gets super over-protective of the people she cares about (see: get back in the kitchen while I take over the world), but doesn’t really have any kind of self preservation instincts or a desire not to run face first into danger and explode it

She’s never had a heat cycle and if she’s lucky she might never get one, so long as the beta side stays dominant

But Falin’s an alpha and possibly the person who activated Marcille’s omega side to get that over-protectiveness in the first place, so if (when) they do mate Marcille is gonna learn some fun and exciting things about her body

(Toshiro’s an omega, but his family insisted on raising him like an alpha anyway because Oldest Son. Falin was the one to actually tell him he was an omega, because Maizuru was ordered not to

This is part of why he’s so incredibly jealous of Laios, who is an actual alpha as well as autistic as hell, so Shuro’s not only jealous of his complete disregard for social rules, he’s also exceedingly jealous that all of the “alpha” stuff he has to work incredibly hard to fake comes to Laios completely naturally

Laios had no idea Shuro was an omega at all (possibly Nakamoto family scent blockers, possibly Laios Not Paying Attention) and has actually been idolizing Shuro as the Manliest Best Alpha To Ever Alpha - like all them flashbacks of Shuro standing between downed Laios and danger

Maybe Laios doesn’t find out until after Falin’s revived successfully. It blows his mind. Toshiro weeps in frustration.)

9) fuck it it’s official, alpha Flamela, that’s why her twin was taken (twin was an omega, elves still think alphas are too impulsive and hot headed to rule) and Flamela wasn’t stopped from running off to join the Canaries

They did try to skip the sterilizing step with her, cuz while the coal black skin definitively doesn’t reliably pass from parent to child there’s still a chance her kids would have better odds of inheriting it

Flamela lost her shit when she found out she was being treated differently from other wardens (doing other elven alphas absolutely no favours about that “too impulsive” thing because she genuinely didn’t even notice that what was happening was that she wasn’t being given invasive and permanently life altering often nonconsensual surgery) and threatened to do it to herself if they wouldn’t do her

Someone suggested they fake it, put her under, make the cut, leave everything alone so she just got a scar, someone else pointed out she might be slightly less knife happy afterwards, the smartest person in the room pointed out she would be Exceedingly Fucking Knife Happy if she ever found out and possibly kill them all

She was sterilised at her own insistence but her genetic materials (eggs and sperm why not) were stored rather than discarded in case she changes her mind

This has also alienated her from the other wardens because not only is she the only one who actually volunteered to be a Canary, she volunteered for the whole thing and genuinely doesn’t get why any of them are unhappy about it

Rut isn’t all that fun and she doesn’t think heat sounds good either, since her default position with people is distrust and keeping them at arm’s length, so she always rides hers out alone and assumes others will too - but both sound way way way better to her than having to carry or raise a child

She’s not cruel or aggressive about it but she’s about as tactful as a rhinoceros and just gets loudly confused, so it’s not worth trying to confide in her or bond over the extra level of being discarded by their families

(And since she hates gossip and will aggressively curtail it, she only finds out what anyone else on her squad does for heat if she actually has to help arrange it)

She was so offended to find out she’d still have rut cycles after surgery. The one thing absolutely every other warden can agree with her on

Most elf alphas are actually significantly more level headed and stable than Flamela, she still has her entirely independent emotional baggage but she is what all the elven stereotypes say an alpha is

There’s some real world racist bs about Black women and especially darker skinned Black women being less feminine, but it’s bullshit and fuck that it’s illegal here, alpha women are just a thing that happens and it has nothing to do with gender

Flamela’s not especially feminine either by elf standards, but that’s her decision and she is beauty, she is grace, she will stab you in the face and you’d deserve it if you commented

10) communication pixies are affected by their maker’s heat, but not by getting anything similar themselves; it’s an intentional part of the spell, the pixie gets all sleepy and “drunk” and will not connect any calls without a specific code word, because absolutely no one wanted heat-sex pixie butt dials

This isn’t just an elf thing but it is in the elf-magic version of the spell; if you make a pixie with gnome-magic instead there’s a 75% chance it will also go dozy during your heat buuuuut a 25% chance it just keeps going as normal

General consensus is that the ephemeral will of magic either can’t tell when humans go into heat or considers the occasional magic butt dial necessary to the balance of the universe

A lot of older gnomes just plain don’t care about any of it and think it’s a bit funny when anyone else makes such a big fuss, since it’s just another part of life

(If Falin ever makes a pixie you KNOW it stays active during her rut you KNOW Marcille gets a butt dial dear gods is this how the Farcille confession happens in this AU)

11) orcs and kobolds don’t actually have secondary sexes by dint of not being human (wrong number of bones) and tend to consider the whole thing a little weird, but not their problem

Some orcs suspect the whole alpha-omega thing is why humans get violently territorial for basically no reason, and the sympathetic ones tend to be very gentle with someone once they learn they’re an alpha or omega

Big “oh you poor thing that sounds so difficult, let’s make sure you don’t get over excited” energy

———

I’ll add more later if I come up with anything else, but by all means hop into my sand box and play with anything you like!

A bunch of other characters and their alignments in no particular order:

Kabru - beta, but one of his only decent spells is to fake either alpha or omega pheromones at will. He’ll play any of the roles to get what he wants and what he thinks will serve him best

(He almost always plays omega with elves because 1) they don’t respect alphas the way most other humans do and 2) they’re gonna read him as a child anyway, so having specific “adult” pheromones might occasionally sway them to respect him a little more, but they’re also more likely to subconsciously protect him

He tried alpha on Mithrun when they were alone in the dungeon for all of 15 minutes before determining Mithrun couldn’t tell the difference

(Mithrun could he just doesn’t care))

Namari - alpha, works well with usually being the party tank, but as a dwarf her instincts are more “provide for needs” than “fight off enemies” which is why she loves armour and wants other people to wear it

Senshi - omega, he’s going to see the babies fed by any means necessary (but yeah it’s part of why his mining crew didn’t let him fight the griffin, he hadn’t fully hit his second puberty but they Had Suspicions)

However, since he lived alone most of his life (and was surrounded by alphas before that) he presents almost entirely as an alpha, and unless he hits heat no non-dwarfs will ever notice he isn’t

There’s not a huge difference between dwarf alpha, beta, and omegas anyway, but the alphas tend more towards crafts and making or procuring physical items to see to their loved ones’ needs while the omegas are more focused on acts of service

(Physically they’re just all Like That, like the elves)

Every dwarf who has ever met Senshi clocked him as an alpha in the first five minutes, and clocked him equally hard as an omega ten minutes later and had some mild cognitive dissonance. None of them mention it because that’s Rude

Izutsumi - alpha cat, hates you all

Chilchuck - tallest skinniest half foot omega you ever did see. Has adopted his entire union since he doesn’t see his girls anymore. His wife was a beta and the only reason she got them in the “divorce” was the girls had already moved out

(She moved in with Puckpatti)

Chilchuck is constantly low-grade losing his shit about it

Maizuru - omega, deeply dislikes how Toshiro’s father has treated him and does genuinely believe deep down that an omega like Toshiro might be a better leader specifically because he’s more empathic and considerate than their society’s demanded alpha behaviour

She will be miffed to be told the elves agree with her though

Rin - beta, accidentally presents as an omega because she picked it up in self defence while living with the elves. She does not like it but she does tend to keep herself closed off, avoid skin contact, and comes off as trying too hard not to seem meek, so people with opinions on strangers’ sexes assume she’s an omega who escaped a bad situation

(They’re not fully wrong, she hates that they’re not)

Kaka and Kiki - Kaka’s an omega, Kiki’s a beta but she intentionally presents as an alpha to keep anyone from noticing or saying shit about her brother

If she’s loud and noticeable, they won’t wonder why he’s shyer and quiet

(Kaka 1000% imprinted on Namari the first time she saved his life she is his big strong alpha he is a helpless fucking puppy so even though he’s self conscious about his height he can’t help wanting her to like his legs

Unfortunately for him Namari’s gay as hell and Kiki’s extremely into her as well and he wants his twin to be happy so he’ll be pining forever and make do with a familial alpha bond)

(Namari will never know she coulda had her pick)

Mikbell - beta cuck and a scab

Holm - the only actual alpha on Kabru’s team, has definitely noticed him switching up the pheromones and he mostly doesn’t care, he thinks that secondary-sex-fluidity is actually a really good quality in a leader (it shows he respects all of them and acknowledges the strengths they all have)

But when it comes to his sister Nope Nope Nope buster don’t you dare seduce her with some mocked up alpha juice

His sister is also an alpha but she’s alpha-for-alpha gay and gender bisexual and he’s not having it

Daya - omega, but prefers to present as an alpha because she’s actually just not that comfortable with the stereotypical omega “role”

(Again for dwarves, it’s mostly “will do caretaking” over “will procure necessary items”, but her birth clan were heavy traditionalists who considered an omega’s primary job to be “be pregnant” so she’s tossed the whole situation)

(Her partner is an alpha and oh boy did he have to work to prove he was nothing like the boys back home. He’s fully happy to be the caretaker while she brings home the bacon and she loves him for that

Most dwarves will assume he’s the omega unless told otherwise, and they’re both very comfortable with that on the extremely rare occasion that it comes up since Island dwarves usually don’t care anyway)

Kuro - kobold, not his problem, but oh boy he’s adopted Mikbell as his puppy and is gonna do his best taking care of this man

He’s fully aware Mik’s a mature adult (despite how often he pretends to be a kid to fuck with people), he can smell his pheromones, he just believes Mikbell needs a father or at least older brother figure to guide him more than just a buddy

(He and Kabru also suspect Mik might be into non sexual (probably?) age play, since he claims he acts like a kid to fuck over assholes who assume half-foots can’t be real adults, but he does it A Lot and with joy and fervour)

(Mikbell can never learn this)

Grandpa Tansu - cranky lil alpha gnome

Granny Floke - also a lil alpha gnome, they’re also alpha-for-alpha gay, but she likes watching her husband get all loud and up in arms so she doesn’t bother getting involved much

(Full Madame Giry from the good Phantom of the Opera productions, she only has to say one word to put her foot down but she actually is a nice smiling little old lady… which makes it scarier when she does it)

Tade - alpha oni, but in oni omegas and afabs are actually much bigger so she’s still pretty small for an oni (bigger than amab alphas though)

This does tend to confuse pretty much everyone else but those little buggers come out BIG and HORNED and it’s just better all around to have more space for the lil niblets

This is why Marcille’s oni form was head and shoulders too big to be seen standing next to her party she’d’ve been around a foot and a half taller than Tade because I said so

Thistle - oh the saddest most broken lil elf omega, he was in a bad way before Delgal’s dad died and then when Delgal did the “only you can save us we’re all gonna die” Thistle reverse-pioneered the Canaries by going into omega-murder-mode so hard he dungeoned an entire kingdom

And since there was not a single alpha older than him anywhere to be found he just never got to turn that off (if only someone scruffed the little bastard idk if that’s an omegaverse thing but the imagery is peak)

Imma headcanon he never actually had a cycle by dint of not finishing elf-puberty before he went Kingdom In A Bottle and stopped aging but honestly any flavour of fuckery and whenever you think he stopped aging is all good

(Since not only was Yaad born post dungeon, he grew to young adulthood and other people did age, they just didn’t die, so aging was for sure happening for like 20 years post dive)

Winged Lion - the alpha and the omega solely for the joke

If you can think of anyone else or if you have any questions lemme know and I’ll spin something off the dome for ya! (This totally wasn’t prompted by me nearly having the first full chapter of. Something. Ready to go. 👀)

If anyone else wants to chop and screw with any bits of this for any reason go wild and all I ask is a tag in because I like free candy as much as anyone else. Despite Farcille commentary it’s technically ship agnostic because honestly that’s the least interesting part of an omegaverse AU for me I’m here to get weird with sex and gender roles and cultural variance

I haven’t actually played in this sand pit much before so we can all thank/blame Omega Jason Todd week for finally tipping my interest over by giving me new levels of fuckery, we stan a 6’ omega built like a tank

[moe-broey]

Normal day for Alfonse Fire Emblem (I've already played a collective 10+ hours of Monster Menu demo across two profiles on my Switch 🫡)

Based on the fact that one of the default characters is two customization options away from Literally Just Being Hatsune Miku and I thought that was the funniest shit in the world when trying to decide on a fourth party member LMFAOOO

Also!!! Some of the process under cut bc it's funky haha and fun!!

Initial sketch, which looked pretty different than the final result, clean versions before adding the bg and the screenshot I used as the bg!

The first draft felt kind of uninteresting and also I felt like Alfonse just. Didn't look like himself??? Like I couldn't get the hair right.

I think adding the mouth panel makes it more effective and also calls back to what happens in the intro of Monster Menu! Also I feel the idea that his eyes have been open for A While and he's been stuck like that for A While has a very different effect.

[f0ofishies]

ᯓ★ Tutoring With Armin ⭑.ᐟ

nerd!armin realizing you need some help in that biology class you both decided to attend. He'll look at you, those ocean eyes gazing as you struggled on a test.

nerd!armin hearing you complaining to your friends how you flunk out that test. Your whining being heard throughout the hallways, a bit melodramatic in his opinion.

nerd!armin, who looked into your eyes when they sparkled right after he gave his contact number to you. Offering a two tutoring session with you for the next chapter for your biology class.

nerd!armin, who agreed to meet you up in the library. The way you thanked him multiple times on being free on a damn saturday night.. yeah.. he was atleast understanding with you.

nerd!armin, who you end unfortunately getting lucky. The library was closed at the weekends. Small curses from your end, as you told him, to cancel this whole tutoring session for today.

nerd!armin being kind enough to let you study in his dormitory, knowing full well the consequences if he got caught having someone in his dorms past late hours, which could cause a whole rumor.

nerd!armin giving you his notes from his leathered notebook, you could tell he used a hefty amount of money– making it even more funnier how he would take his class seriously.

nerd!armin's hand brushing against yours, not noticing the way his heart skips a beat. He never had anyone in his personal sanctuary before, let alone someone who'd he tutor.. he was a nice guy, definetly being nice.

nerd!armin, who's getting his living soul sucked off so badly on the bed. His pale palm, gripping at your hair, tugging on the loose strands. The way your tongue immediately flattened on his pink dick.

nerd!armin looking down as you pulled your cum stained mouth away to jerk put his orgasm again. "Told you, 'min a hands-on activity was a good idea?" You cooed as he let out another loud groan.

nerd!armin, who cums a massive load staining your loose shirt and even on your face! "Sorry– sorry..!" He huffed out long apologies, hearing your laughter under him. You gave a small peck to his puckering tip oozing out a bit more load. "wanna know what the other lips can do?"

nerd!armin , who is also a virgin, and that was his real experience of someone sucking him off. You were beamed that you were his first ever. As some of his load trailed down your throat, he unexpectedly reached out to wipe away but squeezed it a bit. It earned a stifled moan in you.

nerd!armin, that's trying his best to keep up with your thrusts.. your ass hitting back onto his pelvis. Hips rolling and everything as he moans out your name– he's really going to cum inside if you don't stop..! He ended up gripping your hips to try and slow you down, it failed miserably.

nerd!armin crying at you, screaming out apologies as he accidentally unpack his load all over inside you. It's oozing out lewdly, he liked it– of course he did, but he didn't want you uncomfortable at all.

nerd!armin, who now takes the lead in this fucked up situation you both made. He thrusts into you once again, not caring if the librarians or passerbys can listen. One hand on your throat, the other at the your hips.

"Keep your legs up f'me.. shiitt.. mm just like that bunny.. keep bouncing on–uh it.. yesyesyes.. so close.."

[yurinaa-world]

"𝐼'𝓂 𝒩𝑜𝓉 𝒯𝒽𝒶𝓉 𝒟𝓇𝓊𝓃𝓀"

💫𝒞𝒽𝒶𝓇𝒶𝒸𝓉𝑒𝓇𝓈: Moze, Jing Yuan, Jiaoqiu, & Sunday x Gender-neutral reader

💫𝒮𝓎𝓃𝑜𝓅𝓈𝒾𝓈: not recognizing them while drunk

💫𝒲𝒶𝓇𝓃𝒾𝓃𝑔𝓈: Fluff, Alcohol, Spelling mistakes

𝑀𝑜𝓏𝑒 “𝒮𝒽𝒶𝒹𝑜𝓌 𝒢𝓊𝒶𝓇𝒹 𝑜𝒻 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝒳𝒾𝒶𝓃𝓏𝒽𝑜𝓊 𝒴𝒶𝑜𝓆𝒾𝓃𝑔”

“Enough drinking for you.” Taking the shot glass from your hand—it filled to the brim with hard liquor and it was obvious that if you kept on drinking at this pace, you were going to have the worst hangover in the morning—“Excuse me, who do you think you are—“ you slurred out, annoyed by him.

he takes your hand and tries to take it away, leading to you snatching your arm back. “How dare you touch me! I have a husband,"

“I’m your husband.” He just sighs at your drunkenness, he really should have prevented this. “Please, I know what my husband looks like, he’s not as ugly looking as you.” Wow, he's ugly to you now?  His eyes can’t help but twitch.

He sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose, deciding just to play along and use this to his advantage. “Do you even know where your husband is?” Like clockwork, you just start looking around, head sharply turning side to side.

No husband in sight. Stranger in front of you. And No way to get your husband.

“Well…” you just start to panic. that’s his qui, again grabbing you but this time deciding to put you over his shoulder, with your complaints completely ignored, “I know your husband, I’ll take you to him.”

𝒥𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝒴𝓊𝒶𝓃 "𝒯𝒽𝑒 𝒢𝑒𝓃𝑒𝓇𝒶𝓁 𝑜𝒻 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝒳𝒾𝒶𝓃𝓏𝒽𝑜𝓊 𝒞𝓁𝑜𝓊𝒹 𝒦𝓃𝒾𝑔𝒽𝓉𝓈"

Mind hazy and incoherent for any sober thought, staring at the little table blankly, taking the little shot glass to your lips, the more you drink the funnier it gets. 

“Seems like all that drinking has caught up to you, dear.”

Your half-lidded eyes finally looked up to take in Jing yuan in front of you, yet for how drunk you are you haven’t even realized it was Jing yuan, in your eyes it was only just a creepy man. 

“I have a husband, and I’m not your dear.” You slur at him, going to pour yourself another drink, yet he takes the bottle from you before you can even grab it.

“Your husband? He doesn’t have to know.”

“Do you even know who my husband is?”

“Hmm? Who is your husband?” Now he’s just messing with you. Glaring at him with a smirk on your drunk face, “He’s the handsome general, of course, you couldn’t stand a chance.”

“He isn’t with you right now, is he? He wouldn’t have to know about us.” He puts down the bottle in your hand and his hand goes to intertwine yours.

“He doesn’t have to know because I’m not giving you a chance!” You rip your hand away from his grasp, “Wait until Jing Yuanhears about this.” you mutter under your breath while going to grab your phone to call him—he already knows where it's going to end.

“Tell him in great detail about my shameless actions.”

“I will!”

𝒥𝒾𝒶𝑜𝓆𝒾𝓊 "𝒯𝒽𝑒 𝐻𝑒𝒶𝓁𝑒𝓇 𝒻𝓇𝑜𝓂 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝒳𝒾𝒶𝓃𝓏𝒽𝑜𝓊 𝒴𝒶𝑜𝓆𝒾𝓃𝑔"

“My husband wouldn’t like it if you touched my waist like that.”

Sputtering while Jiaoqiu has you lying your head against his shoulder with his arm around your waist to keep you upright. 

He’s taking care of you! Honestly, without him, he already knows that you’re going to wake up with a killer headache because you thought it was such a good idea to drink till you can’t even recognize his face or voice.

“Your husband wouldn’t want you to be sick because of all of your drinking.” Gently put a glass of water in your hands, Ensure you don’t drop it on yourself or anywhere else. 

“Well….I guess you're right but are you sure my husband will be fine with this? I don’t want him to be jealous.” 

Still so cute, how can he not take advantage of this situation to have some fun and mess with you a little, you’ll be so embarrassed when you’re sober and he’s planning to soak up everything.

“You must love your husband that much to be worrying over what he might think.”

“Of course I do! He’s very hardworking and is good at helping, not to mention he’s very handsome…” you start to gush over him, going off about every detail you like about him, his hair to the small things he does for you.

“So many things you like about him? I’m quite jealous of you.”

“You better be! He’s my husband, and no one else will have him.”

𝒮𝓊𝓃𝒹𝒶𝓎 "𝒯𝒽𝑒 𝐻𝑒𝒶𝒹 𝑜𝒻 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝒪𝒶𝓀 𝐹𝒶𝓂𝒾𝓁𝓎"

“I miss my Sunday...”

You’ve been whining in his ear about how you miss ‘Sunday’ for a while now, yet too intoxicated to even realize that it was Sunday you were clinging onto.

“Dear—“

“I told you not to call me that! I’ll make sure Sunday has your head for being a creep! You know what to call him right now!”

You whine yet here you are clinging onto him, and then switching up by telling him orders that he can’t follow because of your intense grip on him.

He really shouldn’t have left you alone with the consequence of you getting very drunk. The quick changes of your emotions just makes Sunday unsure of what to do with you.

Pressing the side of face against his chest, before silently sulking? “What’s the matter? Why are you sulking?” He worried, patting your head as if you were a child. “I just realized that you probably don’t know where he is since he’s always so busy…”

“How about I take care of you first, and then we find your husband.”

if you liked this, consider tipping me on ko-fi! it'd mean a lot!

[eggcats]

Radiodust/Radiohuskerdust fic where Alastor has the ability to know and remember ANYTHING and EVERYTHING that's been played on any radio in hell, since he's arrived

(He also has the ability to control what people listen to, but forcing people to listen to his radio show is uncouth and Vox levels of desperation, so he doesn't. However, he DOES prevent anyone else from using his airwaves during his scheduled showtime, because it's rude otherwise.)

Angel discovers this one day when he's lamenting about some song being stuck in his head that he heard on the radio, like 2 weeks ago, and after he hums part of the melody Alastor just starts playing it for him. And Angel is like "?????? what???" While Alastor is just like "My dear, I know everything that broadcasts over my airwaves, this is child's play."

Angel is suspicious, his entire mood is

And so, a game begins where Angel will hear a song he's POSITIVE Alastor would have never listened to, and then he quizzes Alastor later to see if he can still guess the song. So far, Alastor has never not played the correct song Angel is thinking about. (Angel could always lie, but that's outside the spirit of the game, so he never does.)

Eventually it develops into Alastor immediately guessing which song Angel will ask him about, leading to confusing most other members of the hotel when as SOON as Angel walks into a room Alastor is in, he will play some music and Angel will yell "goDAMMIT SMILES GIVE ME A FUCKIN' SECOND FIRST!"

The only time Alastor starts getting the songs wrong is when Angel, seemingly out of the blue, starts only listening to love songs. He's unsure what changed, but it seems like Angel is determined to only make Alastor play love songs for him now.

Therefore, Alastor becomes convinced that Angel is trying to figure out how to confess to Husk his feelings. And despite not being good with those feelings himself, he offers to assist in his endeavor since he's known Husker for a great deal of time. (If the idea makes Alastor kind of uncomfortable and sick, it's simply because soft emotions do so, and NOTHING about Angel no longer giving him any attention. Clearly.)

(You can choose your own adventure, but I like to go with the radiohuskerdust angle personally.)

So, with the radiohuskerdust angle, it's funnier if, by this point, Angel and Husk are already dating. And so now Angel has to deal with the guy he likes trying to set him up with his boyfriend. Husk is absolutely no help, he finds it hilarious. (This is all the more exasperated by Alastor seeing Angel complain to Husk about this situation, and try to ask for advice on how to tell Alastor that the love songs are for HIM, and Alastor assuming his advice is working.)

[becausegoodheroesdeservekidneys]

Hi! Could you tell us more about the hoopoe sighting, specifically from the human / social side? Are these bird watchers or regular folk? How did the word spread around? Are people coming in from further (definition pending) away or are these walking distance neighbours? Etc etc etc

Basically, this situation sounds fascinating but I feel like I'm missing as to how this is happening and what social rules have emerged. It doesn't look like there's press coverage or wildlife protection or the threat of a wild animal killing you like with the [sea lion? Seal? That one pinniped] incident. So, how is this all playing out?

ALSO, I'm writing a story in which a non-native bird arrives one day and that manages to bring together some of the neighbours, so this event is personally fascinating to me. Thank you so so much for your reporting.

Sure! So, first off for context, a hoopoe sighting in the UK is not unheard of, but super super rare. It's something that happens like... once every few years, maybe? But normally on the south east coast of England, it is super super super rare to get one in Wales.

Now, whenever you get rare sightings like this, it's mostly bird watchers who care, and who spread the news. Last year a golden oriole turned up in a scrap of woodland on the Gower - much like the hoopoe, just passing through - and within hours of someone spotting it and putting it on a bird forum, the twitchers descended, lol. As luck would have it I was leading a field trip in that woodland on that day, so I got to see about two dozen people turn up, singly or in small groups, over the course of about four or five hours, all armed with proper cameras and also good binoculars. I never saw it in the end, which was a shame, but I know where it was, because I saw the birders gather in a small, hushed crowd at one end as we were getting back on the bus.

In the case of this hoopoe, things are a bit more relaxed. Unlike that golden oriole, it was first spotted earlier this week, and has hung out every day along the beach at roughly the same spot. You can see how unbothered it is by humans, too, look:

So close! Look how close it came in the photos! And the path it's on is a cycle path; bikes going past merely made it raise its crest momentarily and then carry on feeding. This means it's been a more relaxed affair, because if you want to see it, it's bizarrely easy to find. The first two days had slightly bigger crowds, but by now the QUICKLY GO AND SEE BEFORE IT LEAVES fervour has gone.

With that said, it's still mostly birders and other environmentalists going to see it. I don't think local news has even covered it, funnily enough. A quick search for 'Swansea hoopoe' gets me bird watching websites, birding soc med groups, a YouTube video, and a news article from last year when a hoopoe turned up in an Aberystwyth garden, of all places. The Evening Post really should have mentioned it for local interest, actually, but nothing. Although, of course, that's probably helped keep crowds down.

But environmentalists are definitely sharing the news with each other lol, so there's that (especially on the local scene). WE are all very excited. Of the little crowd of about 10 people there today, most had proper cameras. Several were discussing RSPB sites. Many had English accents, which suggests they travelled in to see it (although of course that's not definite). So, it's mostly a specialist crowd, interspersed with locals who stop to see what everyone is staring at.

The difference with the walrus, though, is I think partly the level of exoticism (most people don't know what a hoopoe is, but have seen birds; by contrast, they do know what a walrus is, and most haven't even seen a seal), and partly impact. Wally was exciting regardless, but he also kept squatting on slipways and capsizing boats, leading to funny photos of lifeboat volunteers trying to shoo him away with a broom.

And even funnier photos of him sinking the boats of rich toffs as they watched helplessly on and underwent the five stages of grief.

And, actually, he came visiting in lockdown, when people couldn't travel far and couldn't gather indoors, but you could go to Tenby and stand on a cliff, and I do think that played a part. But, as I say, most non environmentalists just don't know the hoopoe is even there to get excited.

Anyway, I hope that is at all useful! Good luck with your story.

[sebscore]

Hey!

Heres my request for ur fem!driver series:

Y/N wins her first race and everyone is waiting for her national anthem to play but somehow an error in the sound system leads to this song playing:

But instead of being mad abt it, she’s ecstatic just absolutely vibes her lil heart out on the podium and soon she has the other drivers, some commentators and the entire crowd joining in w/ her (cuz she’s THAT GIRL🤩😂)

PLEASE RISE FOR THE NATIONAL ANTHEM

pairings: lewis hamilton x driver!reader / charles leclerc x driver!reader

warning: kinda changed how the podium ceremony normally goes, but it's nothing drastic, tbh. they already received their trophy and champagne.

author's note: thank you so much for the request, I started laughing when I read it, cause it reminded me of that one meme. Anyway, I hope you enjoy it and lmk what you think of it 🫶

• • • • • • •

Y/N stood proudly on the top step of the podium, full in disbelief that this day had actually come. She had won an Formula 1 race, she had won a Grand Prix. The first woman in history to actually do that.

Charles and Lewis glanced up at her, delighted that they could witness the historical moment from this close. They always had the faith that she could do it one day, that she had the skills to overtake them and cross the checkered flag first.

The time had come for her national anthem to start playing. Her eyes welled up with tears, the patriotic feeling in her rising up and the knowledge she had done her country proud. Y/N had prepared herself and had put tissues in the pockets of her racing suit, knowing she was probably gonna end up sobbing by the time the song had finished.

Only, that moment didn't happen.

There had been a mistake in the sound system and instead of the beautiful harmonies of an orchestra being heard, the opening beats of the hip hop song 'Get Low' by Lil Jon & The East Side Boyz were being played.

It had taken Y/N a few seconds to comprehend what was happening, the frown on her face evident that she was confused. Similar expressions of confusion and shock were found on Lewis, Charles and everyone else's faces.

Y/N briefly glanced at the staff on the side of the podium and the audience anticipated what she would do. The young woman could give one of two reactions. The first reaction would be for her to stay serious and be upset about the fact that her national anthem wasn't being played. Or, she could go along with the situation, and start dancing to the song to make it fun for everyone witnessing the moment.

Obviously, she went for the second option.

It started with the bobbing of her head to the loud beats that were coming out of the speakers, wiping away the tears that had escaped earlier with her hands. Then, she began to mouth the lyrics and the sight only became funnier from there on.

The song wasn't even halfway done or the podium ceremony had become a concert with the female driver as the headlining act. At first, Lewis and Charles had covered their faces in embarrassment, not for the young woman, but simply for the entire situation. Yet, once they saw the crowd getting hyped up, they joined her and started jumping up and down.

Upon seeing their still unopened champagne bottles standing lonely on the podium, Y/N started the fire and began shaking it. As soon as her two colleagues noticed what she was doing, they picked up their own respective bottles and started doing the same.

Eventually, the song ended and the podium ceremony was over, to everyone's dismay. The drivers picked up their trophies and made their way down the grid again for the short post-podium interview.

Y/N had been the first one to come downstairs and Coulthard grabbed that oppurtunity to interview the young woman first.

''Y/N, what's going through your head right now?'' He asked, handing a microphone to her.

Her hand went through her hair, thinking of the right words to say. ''Pff, I don't know, David,'' her voice sounded out of breath, ''I'm still processing what just happened.'' She nervously laughed, public speaking not being her favorite thing to do.

''I think we're all still processing what just happened,'' Coulthard laughed along, ''what went wrong there on the podium?''

She shook her head, looking back at said podium behind her. ''Geez, uh, I think there was a mistake or something with the cd and, uh, yeah, my national anthem started playing.''

Coulthard started a new question, wanting to change the subject, but was interrupted. ''You know, David- I'm very proud of my country, Lil Jon & The East Side Boyz, I know I've made my people proud.'' She joked, making the audience laugh as they listened to the interview.

''That's great, Y/N,'' Coulthard awkwardly replied, just wanting to continue to ask his questions, ''So, about the race…''

''Yes, the race.''

''Talk us through it, how did you feel it was going?''

Y/N nodded her head to David's words. ''The race, uh, the race, it went, uh- listen, I've gotta be honest- I don't remember a thing, but I'm gonna assume I did really well, you know, cause I won.'' She rambled on, genuinely having forgotten all about the competition that had happened earlier.

Lewis, who was standing a few feet away from her, loudly cackled at her answer and his laugh was picked up by the microphone.

''Alright, Y/N, thank you so much and congratulations.'' He padded her shoulder, rounding up the interview.

''I'm so sorry, David.''

[jester-lover]

Reverse of the ask where TWST bois pick the reader up: Reader is surprisingly strong and scoops *them* up.

I think the bigger the dude, the funnier, but Riddle’s reaction would be hilarious to me as well.

Somewhere in the distance, Ashton Vargas just found his new favorite student…

OG Post! Something similar for the Jack fans!

Buff Girlfriend Casually Lifting Them

Featuring! - Riddle, Jack, Malleus, Sebek

CWs/ Fem! Reader, fluff, humor

Riddle

“Unhand me at once!”

Riddle is shocked, appalled, and redder than a strawberry the second he feels you hook your hands under his knees and neck and pick him up like a bride. His hands immediately flail around and land around your shoulders, increasing his embarrassment tenfold.

His demands quiet down once the shock of the situation soaks in. His girlfriend is lifting him up and carrying him around like he weighs nothing. He has always been aware that you’re physically strong, but he didn’t know you were this strong!

Riddle usually won’t like being carried, but on the rare occasion, after a long day of school and his duties, he’ll ask for a piggyback ride back to his room. He’ll use a very standoffish tone while asking, but the way that he presses his head against the back of your shoulder lets you know he likes it.

Jack

He is so flabbergasted. Jack is in shock.

While he is aware that you’re into fitness—maybe the two of you even train together—he never knew you were this swole.

Jack is blushing; if you look close enough, his hands are shaking. He’s just realized he’s found the ideal woman for him—kind, gentle, who could break him in half like a pixie stick…

Bragging isn’t in his principles, but he might have to gloat a little bit with his track teammates when you’re literally running around with him thrown over your shoulder like a sack of potatoes. I mean, you’re not even exerting that much energy; he’s astounded!

Jack will (very quietly) ask for you to lift him again, just because he can’t believe it and he needs confirmation that he didn’t just make up the situation in his brain.

“Wanna join me for my morning run? It’ll be good cardio.”

Malleus

He’s getting the princess treatment. Very happy to know he’s your favorite lizard.

Since Malleus is very tall and imposing, he’s not used to such blatant displays of affection.

Having a physically stronger girlfriend would be a point of great pride for Malleus, particularly if you were a human, because then your strength would have been something you'd worked hard on. Something you’ve earned.

Being carried around is no problem for him; he may laugh a little at your strange human whimsy, but he happily agrees to being carried about at any time.

By any time, I mean any time. You could pick him up in the middle of a crowded campus hallway, and he’d just wrap his arms around you, place his head on your shoulder, and let you lead the way.

“Child of Man, be sure to drop me off at my alchemy class; perhaps I’ll let you pick me up and take me to Spelldrive Practice afterwords…”

Sebek

“How dare you, human!”

Sebek is appalled at the absolute gall you’ve got to have to do something so unabashedly romantic; don’t you see he’s too repressed for something so affectionate?

His face turns so red, and he tries to shake out of your ridiculously strong vice grip. Once he leaps off of you, get ready for an hour-long lecture. Sebek is shaking in his boots, explaining to you how inappropriate your actions were and how if you wanted his attention, there were better methods.

Midway through, he kind of realizes how hot it was that you were literally able to pick him up and carry him away like it was no problem, which makes Sebek quieter than you’ve ever seen him before, contemplating his words.

He quietly asks you to pick him up again because he wants to test your human endurance! (Ignore the way his eyes lock in on your defined shoulders, okay?)

[catholic-character-tournament]

Round 1 - Side B

firestar art by @kudos-si-do

Propaganda below ⬇️

Kirei

He fucked up so many people's lives so badly in just one decade (not on purpose) that the universe put him in the summoning pool of all world influencing souls. He doesnt really have any special powers but he does serve as a vessel for rasputin at one point. He's the guy who says "people die when they are killed"

please please please there's literally a type moon character in the gif on the top of this form so it's typemoonphobic if none of them get in but it shouldn't be her it should be kirei bc he's 50x funnier & more iconic than jeanne. funny lil murder priest who's fucking THE gilgamesh (from the epic of) in the church basement and dies in a knife fight w a 17 year old whose dad he wanted to fuck back in '94 before realizing that he was actually kinda lame and he's been bitter abt it ever since. he has an orphan torture factory in his basement but he's also canonically good at being a priest. he's so funny you should def try his mapo tofu i swear it's totally safe for human consumption and not made with any california reapers. did i mention he's a deadbeat dad.

Priest claims to be Pro Life to make Sakura Matou the most miserable girl on the planet, but he dies anyway.

bro became a catholic because he loves suffering

He’s a priest. Kind of. Not a very good priest obviously. There is something seriously wrong and fucked up with that man. It’s so entertaining.

he's gotta be one of the most insane catholic men ever with a very in-depth and interesting relationship with his religion and his relationship with god also he's the sexiest man ever to be conceptualized in the known universe and all of time

Will never forget the 40+ minute monologue in heavens feel being a thinly veiled metaphor for abortion

he wants to torment churchgoers and make them face their failures and suffering but all he ends up doing is motivate them to improve themselves. cringefail moment for him

he's absolutely insane. the coldhearted mercenary that barely reacts to anything is terrified of kirei. he's super fucked up. his ult in stay night is literally him channeling divine power into something called kyrie eleison. he's the vessel of rasputin (on account of being a priest with a huge....no i shant say) the biblical beast in grand order among other things. he gets drunk with and tops gilgamesh from the epic of gilgamesh in the church basement after gilgamesh from the epic of gilgamesh bats his eyes a little too hard at kirei in some of the horniest shot scenes ive ever seen. he also used to be a heretical "fixer" for the church, cleaning up scenes that would expose shit to the public. uhh what else. he holds cool swords between his fingers like a kid pretending to be wolverine but in my favorite route he just squares the hell up with the protagonist and they fight to the death outside planned parenthood

Firestar

Kitty jesus, he believes in starclan which is the kitty version of heaven/god and yea. All the warrior cats characters except those outside the clans or those that are atheist believe in the kitty heaven and would irl be bri-ish and christian as hell so. The authors are all older british christian women and so the way starclan is written is like undoubtedly that.

The main religion in the series is extremely catholic coded. Most clan cats believe in Starclan and the Dark Forest(or heaven and hell). There is a set of rule they must uphold and follow, where following them leads to heaven and breaking them leads to hell. Their religious leaders are sworn to celibacy, and the punishments that "code breakers"(or cats who break the rules) face are extremely similar to situations people with religious trauma have gone through.

OP notes: apparently converted to avoid getting his balls cut?? Idk. The discord yet wild for firestar so I had to include him because it's hilarious hehehe

[inkpot909]

How They Text the Reader Headcanons

↳ Characters included are Bruno Brucciarati, Leone Abbacchio, and Guido Mista. Gender Neutral Reader with they/them pronouns.

A/n: I’ve always wanted to try my hand at doing x Reader text messages! This was very fun to make, and I do plan to make more of this kind of headcanon list for the rest of Bucciarati’s team.

Warning(s): None.

Bruno Bucciarati

Bruno’s text messages are straight to the point and utilize proper grammar like the mother he truly is deep down.

Not the type of person to send emoji’s… ever, really. This is because he views texting as a simple tool to use when he can’t just speak to you in person or over a phone call.

However, you prefer the funnier explanation of it actually being because he’s secretly very inept at using technology (this is very much so part of it he just won’t ever say so).

In all honesty, he prefers to call you and hear the sound of your voice more than communicating over text. He’s the type to call in order to converse about whatever mundane thing is on his mind instead of sending a text.

That said, he’s definitely the type to always tell you good morning or wish you goodnight with a sweet text message.

Also, because of his job, he’s often put into long-term situations where calling isn’t exactly ideal. That’s when he’ll text the most; he just wants to check up on you regularly when he can’t be there in person do so! This became especially true after rising to the position of Capo.

His text messages may seem… bland to those unfamiliar with him.

But since you know him as well as you do, they always ring as genuine and an extension of his polite kindness.

Admittedly, it is hard to argue against the fact that his straightforward style of text often leads to misunderstandings. This is due to his sometimes unreadable tone:

Leone Abbacchio

Hardly ever texted you at the beginning.

Since the two of you started going out, he’s gotten a bit better, though. Before, he was very adamant that if he has something to say, he’ll wait when he’s face-to-face with you.

But when he eventually let it slip that he often forgets what he even wants to talk to you about, you slowly began getting him to text you more.

Arguably the best method of doing so is to get him to tell you about something he feels strongly about. Whether it’s something positive like asking him about the music he’s been listening to recently, or it’s something more devilish like bringing up subjects that really bother him.

Leone is at least very reliable.

Meaning that, although he doesn’t often start a conversation over text himself, he will respond to you reasonably quick.

Tease him by claiming it’s because he has a soft spot for you and he won’t text for an entire day (you know he loves you).

He also prefers to use proper grammar and punctuation in his texts. That said, Leone does use emojis (usually just to express disappointment) and sometimes can seem more expressive in text than he is in actual conversation.

One sweet thing he does over text is that he always sends you a message after he makes it home after a particularly dangerous mission, informing you that he’s safe. He knows you worry, and although he often puts up a front claiming it’s annoying, he truly does take note of that concern.

Abbacchio’s just not completely used to having someone like you in his life who holds a special concern for him. He is adjusting; slow and steady.

And although he forms the habit of texting you more, it’s you and only you he has the energy to do this for (outside of probably Bruno). This leads to other’s on Bucciarati’s team to text you when they want to get a hold of him:

Guido Mista

Real talkative over text, especially in the evening after he’s finished with his dinner. He’s pretty expressive and uses a decent amount of emojis.

Will plop down on his couch with an exaggerated bounce, pull out his phone, only with the purpose of talking to you and doing nothing else on the device.

The two of you actually had to work on how late you’d stay up texting one another.

Hours disappearing in the blink of an eye and leaving you both extra tired the next morning. And on occasions that it was decided to take the conversation into a call… it’s easy to see why you both have slept in late more than once.

Although not as frequently as someone like Narancia, Mista will send memes every now and then. Not only that, but he always replies to the ones you send him.

He prefers to send you embarrassing or funny pictures of others in the group over memes, though. You’ve seen photos of Abbacchio and Fugo in particular that Mista could honestly use as blackmail.

This has bitten him in the butt quite a bit, though.

After discovering Mista’s been doing this, the others now send you every single unfavorable image they own of the gunslinger. Even Bruno’s sent his fair share.

And although Mista often forgets to say good morning to you through text, he always says goodnight to you.

Not only that, but Mista will text right after he’s completed with a mission. Although a bit of a goofball, he always takes work seriously, and will leave you on delivered on hours at a time depending on what he’s up to. But the minute things have calmed, he’s letting you know.

Mista will certainly ask one of his common out-of-pocket questions designed to get a conversation going via a text message.

This isn’t a bad thing per se, except for the fact that he has a bad habit of doing so at three in the morning.

Even still, they’re not the weirdest variation of texts you’ve ever received from him:

[undercovercameron]

a domesticated rafe cameron

summary: a bf headcanon for sir rafe m.f. cameron

notes: *NSFW NEAR THE END* i have been seeing so many headcanons for rafe as a bf recently and i used to do these all the time for other fandoms and people and holy fuck i miss and love them.. allow me to indulge myself. also a lot of these are not simply him being touchy or super cute positive ones bc he’s canonically a murderer and drug addict and felon sooo akdjdjd we all of course romanticize him but i just thought i’d say that. lemme know what you think !

tags: rafe cameron x reader

i think rafe is a very complicated kind of lover

he’s a complex ass dude as it is, so that obviously reflects in your relationships

your relationship probably started unconventionally, either because of a fuck up or drunken mistake or maybe even meeting him randomly on a golf course or on the beach and just immediately being drawn to each other

he wants someone that challenges him a Little bit but really just wants someone to go with the flow and let him take the lead

he already gets enough direction and bossy shit from his family

(probably a couple arguments have sparked because of that; he sees too much of rose or ward in you. it’s also something that draws him to you, though, so take it with a grain of salt)

on the topic of arguments, you two are no stranger to them

he always ends up apologizing though, even if you started it—he’d just much rather have your mouth on his than have it yelling at him and knows there’s always a way to get you back on his side

he’s a proud man, so his apologies are usually in the form of him complimenting you or giving entirely hypothetical situations in which he Possibly Might Be Sorry

you take it because it’s probably the best you’re gonna get

he shows his love and affection in a little different ways that other people you’ve dated

of course he’s no stranger to PDA

in fact it only puffs his chest that you want to be seen with him and touch him

he’ll never admit it, but he loves when you kiss his face

like duh,

but not just his lips, he really likes when you kiss him on the temple or just press your face to his cheek or peck at his jaw

he also likes when you hold onto his belt when getting his attention or trying to move him

a lot of your dates involve watching a movie or TV show, because truth be told he is a home body

maybe not his home, but def a home body

your house is a reminder that he is apart of your life; he sees the pictures, the movie tickets, his favorite chips (salt and vinegar, ew i know), or spares of toothbrushes and his clothes in your closet

in any social situation he is either looking at you, thinking of looking at you, touching you, or asking people where you are

he cannot stand to make small talk without his emotional support girlfriend at his side

you’re just so much funnier than all these other people

he prides himself on his ability to make you blush, and does it any chance he gets

he doesn’t really get to laugh a lot, as he is either in distress or about to get punched or reprimanded, so you’re always whispering some joke into his ear to get him to laugh. your success rate is much better than anyone else’s in his life

he knew he loved you when you grabbed his hand during a dinner you were at and some politician walked in with a very apparent and badly concealed nose job. you just mouth “oh my god” and he had to snort to cover up his laugh

you were also all dolled up and cute and sexy that night so that may have had something to do with him knowing he loved you

he is also a great communicator

it’s not in his nature to hide his feelings because they’re so fucking obvious on that expressive face of his

and he never knew he could have so much fun texting until you came along

now he’s a regular emoticon user

weird, right?

now onto spicy things,

you’ve never known a partner to ask you how you feel more than Rafe

it’s a praise thing, you think

he wants to hear that he feels good, that right there, that he fucks you so good, that he’s perfect for you

the nonverbal sign that all those are true is when you throw your head back and a gasp is caught in your throat

the very idea that your breath is stolen every time he does something good makes his heart skip a beat

his cheeks get very red while you’re having sex, so your cool fingers are usually petting them or pressed near them

you have a thing for his legs

i mean come on

he just walks around like that all day

he walks around with a dick like that in his pants all day, and you’re supposed to just ignore it?!

absolutely not

you especially like when he wears those hoochie daddy 5 inch inseam swim trunks, because you get to see where his skin gets a little paler and softer and it makes you get goosebumps at the thought of where it leads

those trunks are a treat usually, saved for a special occasion where he doesn’t have to be around his family and he can have you in his lap, hand trapped between your legs

let’s just say you two fuck like rabbits

two beautiful young adults, what else occupies your time?

it gets a little annoying for other people when you’re apart of their dinner party, because you’re always late, but then learn to just deal with it

it’s better to not have a sexually frustrated rafe cameron that accidentally stabs through his plate of rice and vegetables like that one time at the island club with your parents when you licked up a drop of lemon sauce from your chin and his eyes nearly bulged out of his head

decidedly not a great time or place to act like that

anyways,

i just think while yours’ and rafe’s relationship def has its ups and downs like all other relationships, your recovery period after an argument is remarkably high

you both know you’re not mad anymore, so it’s not worth it to be bad communicators and make it worse

at the end of the day, there’s always space for you in his bed, and he always welcomes you with a slap on the ass and a whisper of “we’re totally fucking in the shower tomorrow”

(and yes. you do)

notes: i hope this doesn’t seem to scatterbrained, i may or may not end up adjusting or editing this later to be closer to what i think would be him

[iliveforyouilongforyouvesuvia]

Hello big brother Brainrot!! (Can I call you Kuya? It means big brother in Tagalog and I'm Filipino :D) I've been reading your headcanons for a while now and they're so well written! They bring me a lot of comfort and I've had a few good cries as well, and it's all been a big help for getting me through my days.

I've been wondering if you could do headcanons for an MC with Tourette's Syndrome and/or some other tic disorder? How the M6 would react to seeing it the first time, how long it takes them to get used to sudden outbursts or movement from MC, stuff like that.

I have personal experience with this sort of thing, and seeing you write for it would mean a lot to me!! Of course there's no pressure, do what inspires you!! (My DMs are also open if you have any questions/need resources to do research if that's something required)

Much love!!

The Arcana HCs: When MC has Tourette's Syndrome

~ @e1i-neverrests hi friend! I'd be honored if you called me Kuya :D Thank you so much for this prompt, it was so much fun talking about it with you! - brainrot ~

Julian

Do you have any idea what an absolute fountain of potential vocal tics this man is? How many funny little noises or striking ways of saying things he does on a daily basis? He's a library

Everything from his classic "Ohoho" laugh to his scandalized "what's this?!" to the "hmm"s, "haw"s, and "no no no no no"s that he mutters as he pours over his scrawled notes

To hear all of those repeated back to him at random intervals is an adjustment, surely, but not one he finds he minds too much

If you have a tic that involves smacking yourself anywhere, he's very quick to bundle up his coat and put it in harm's way to save you a bruise or two when he sees it making an appearance

Quick to offer to hold your things for you. He likes to do this for his friends and loved ones as it is, your tics are just an extra opening for him to demonstrate his love language and feel extra gallant

Genuinely doesn't mind getting accidentally hit. It's caused him to sputter in surprise once or twice, but otherwise he either doesn't notice or uses it as an excuse to check you over for any hurts

He's your doctor, okay? He loves any opportunity to give you attention, medical included if he can hold your hands to do so

Asra

Genuinely one of the most soothing presences, they've felt like home to you for as long as you can remember and they can bring your stress levels down in just about any situation

He's been giving you his arm to lean on or hand to lead you around for years now. If for some reason you feel the need to mask and a squeezable hand helps, he's all yours. Might gently squeeze back

If for some reason or another things are really acting up in public and you need a breather, they can and will whisk you into a quiet spot where you can have the space you need until it passes

Totally in love with your vocal tics. If it's just the two of you in the shop and he hears you say one that tickles his fancy, he's echoing it back to you in a very silly game of audio catch

Will also finish phrases to turn them into different sentences, each with a funnier meaning until you're both laughing

Always checks in on how you're doing physically if they've noticed frequent motor tics, especially if they might make your muscles sore or make you dizzy or give you bruises

Can massage the soreness out of anything and never gets tired of doing so after a long or stressful day

Nadia

From the moment she's met you, she has never once remarked on your tics without you bringing them up first. She has never let them pose any obstacle to your conversations or connection

And she certainly doesn't tolerate any kind of rudeness. Valerius made the poor choice of making a cutting remark in your direction once and Nadia's comeback brought him close to tears

Nobody else has dared to give you grief in her presence since

One of the times that you brought up your Tourette's with her, she did ask if you had any related sensory preferences when it came to clothing so she could make sure you were dressed comfortably

She also paid attention to your more physical tics and you've noticed that any part of your body prone to getting bumped or thumped as a result has a subtle extra layer of padding on them

Makes sure you have plenty of big pockets to hold things for you when you're not using them actively

Always finds ways to make big events as low stress for you as possible, complete with little alcoves to duck into if you want a break from the crowds here and there

Totally unfazed if she gets accidentally whacked

Muriel

You made him jump so many times the first few days he spent around you. He's not used to sudden - well, anything!

Which isn't to say that he had any particularly negative feelings about your tics. Even if you hadn't had them, he'd have still needed an adjustment period to hearing another voice nearby at night

There was a point later where you talked about it with him, and he compared you to a songbird. The sounds and motions you make are just another strain of the symphony of his forest home

(what he'll never admit to, though you do notice, is that sometimes a vocal tic will get stuck in his head, and then he'll start mumbling or humming it to himself randomly as he goes about his day)

He doesn't talk much as it is, and with how nervous it often makes him to share his thoughts, he did have a short learning curve as far as talking past or over your tics in conversation

Always happy to carry things for you, or give you his hand to squeeze. Genuinely doesn't notice half the times you accidentally whack him while you're holding hands

Regularly puts his hand between you and whatever you're at risk of smacking, without ever thinking or acting like it's a big deal

Portia

She can talk right past your tics to the point that anyone else in the conversation barely notices they're even happening

She didn't tiptoe around your Tourette's either - within a couple hours of knowing you, she bluntly asked about it, and once you explained it to her she nodded in understanding and kept on

Has the kind of reflexes that let her catch just about anything that accidentally starts to fall (or fly) from your hands

Known to echo your vocal tics, just for the sheer joy of it. You could mumble "hello" while you're doing the dishes and she'll cheerfully shout it back from where she's sweeping the floor

Super in tune to how you're feeling in social situations, and can pick up on anyone making you feel uncomfortable before you say anything about it. Ruthless at smacking down rude comments

Also has a knack for finding quiet spots if you start to feel a tic attack coming. She'll smoothly ask the host if they have a guest room to duck into and lead you there without batting an eyelash

Never really sure what to do with motor tics that get destructive, besides inviting you to lie in her lap and take deep breaths and let her put salve on any bruises or sore muscles later

Lucio

It was a rough start, let's be real

Quite simply, he didn't understand why it happened, it was something about you that he'd never seen in anyone else, and it made for prime teasing material when he got annoyed or upset

He quickly snapped out of it and developed more empathy, of course, but it still took a while for him to learn how not to help

Trying to hold you back from motor tics, for example

Eventually he just learned to tune most of it out, to the point that he doesn't notice it's even happening half the time. That's just his partner's built-in soundtrack

The few times mimicking him has been one of your tics, he's been absolutely delighted and puffed out his chest whenever it happened. That's right! He's something worth imitating!!

Tried putting his metal arm in the way of potentially destructive motor tics a couple times, only to find out that hitting the metal often hurt you more than hitting yourself

Once or twice, over the course of his "become a better person" journey, he did adapt one of your vocal tics as a swear (mostly because it was stuck in his head) it was ... quite something

[izels-writing]

s. black — august

Tagged; @urbansaint

Pairing: sirius black x fem!slytherin!french!reader

Summary: you and sirius spent most of august together.

Warnings: slightly ooc sirius, a little drama but they’re teens so😝, harassment (brief), slight enemies to lovers if u squint real hard, a bit rushed i apologize, brief mention of france so i apologize i forgot that was part of the request, also i didn’t put regulus and sirius making up in this bc it was already long asf my bad

you hated sirius black. with a passion. not for any unknown reason—no, you had every right to hate him. even his friends knew it. and you were nothing if not stubborn. you'd never admit someone could get under you skin, but he absolutely could.

to understand why you hated sirius, first you had to understand what lead to this in the first place—starting at the beginning.

after a two-week vacation in your parents home town, bordeaux, france, you were very happy to be home. it wasn't that you hated your extended family, but you certainly enjoyed the comfort of your own bed as opposed to the old mattress that your older cousin no longer used.

living beside the potters was fun, if you could believe. you and your parents got along amazingly with the potters, despite you and james' teasing rivalry. you both never meant anything by it, but it was a fun inside joke—even if you hardly acknowledged each other at school.

placing your book down, you glanced up through your bedroom window, peering inside james' bedroom curiously. adding to the rivalry, your bedrooms faced each other—which was funnier than you both cared to admit.

you spotted a tall, though shorter than james, lean boy with handsome features and beautiful black hair. immediately, when he turned around, you recognized it to be sirius black—james' best friend. you knew seldom of sirius' home situation, but knew enough to know that the potters were his safe haven.

unfortunately, a week into the summer, before you left for france—sirius showed up to you and james' movie night, bleeding and crying hysterically from whatever had happened at his home. james helped him get changed while you made them tea and you quickly left, knowing it was not your place to stay. since then, sirius had spoken to you and apologized for the intrusion—but you knew he had nothing to be sorry for. it wasn't his fault.

since you had gotten home, you had gotten yourselves into a bit of a tedious situation.

one night, before the beginning of august, he had trouble sleeping and he had signaled to you through your bedroom window (given he knew what a night owl you were) that he was bored. though you felt you shouldn't have, given your parents no boys rule, you invited him over through your window. he had stayed up with you for a few hours, you two talking about anything and everything that came to mind.

and then, it became a nightly occurrence. you both thought james had no idea, given his habit of sleeping at 9:30 pm sharp, and if he did, he never made it obvious. every night, at 11 pm, he'd climb out of james' window and into yours.

and eventually, given the intimacy of those shared late nights, you grew an attraction to one another. one that did not go left unsaid.

you pulled away from your kiss, pushing sirius' hair out of his face. he was under you, with you straddling his torso as he lied on your bed. his lips were a red shade, from the bruising kissing you two had been engaged in. he tried to pull you in again with a smirk, but you chuckled and pulled away again. you stared into his eyes.

"we're going back to school soon, you know that right?" you asked. he groaned.

"don't remind me," he whined. he pulled you in for another kiss, pulling your hips down onto his. you hummed happily into the kiss but pulled back again.

"so, i know it may be too early to decide this, but we've got to figure out how to explain it you know?" you replied. his side wasn't so much a problem, but you were already a pariah in the slytherin house—given your indifference to pureblood status—you didn't exactly want to seem like the weird girl who sneaks around with a gryffindor.

sirius furrowed his eyebrows. "what're you talking about?"

he sat up as you situated yourself on his lap. he gave you a confused look and you shyly explained, "well, people are gonna ask questions—i feel like we should be on the same page about this, whatever this is,"

"yeah, well it's simple, no one will know," sirius shrugged. he tried to lean into to kiss you again, but you pulled away, sliding off of his lap.

"what do you mean no one will know?" you questioned, your blood running cold as he looked at you.

"i mean we'll keep it a secret, no one should know and frankly i don't want to tell anyone," he said casually.

you blinked at him. "and why not?"

he chuckled, trying to ease the growing tension. "y/n, you and i can't be seen together, you and i both know that..."

"what're you on about?" you asked, narrowing your eyes slightly at the boy.

"well, you know you're a...slytherin, you know? i can't be seen with you, your house is what i've been trying to escape my whole life..." he said dumbfounded.

you felt your heart drop as you chuckled humorlessly, you stood up and paced the room, "i don't believe this..."

frankly, hearing this made you wish you had never met him into your room in the first place.

"what? y/n, come on, you can't be that way... you know what my families like, and they're all slytherins, what'll people say when they see me with you? after running away? it's laughable!"

your blood boiled. "how can you sit there and say that? so what, i'm shameful to be with? not all slytherins are the same, just because your family is from that house and they're dickwads—it doesn't mean the same for the rest of us!" you said angrily.

"i can't believe you're overreacting about this! it's just not the right time! i ran away from my family, to be with a real loving family, to what? be associated with another slytherin? i've worked so hard to be separated from that house, from that family, i'm sorry but i won't go back—not for anyone. you can't sit here and tell me that everyone from that house isn't exactly like my family!" sirius replied angrily. he stood from your bed as he yelled and you felt your heart twist, staring up at him with fury.

"you know, you sit here and talk about how terrible your family is and how much you hate them and never want to be like them," you spat. "but you are exactly like them!"

"you judge people, you act like you're better than everyone because of who you are or what house your from, and you are a coward and cruel!" you spat angrily, lip quivering. "get out!"

sirius' expression changed. he was angry. he was hurt. more importantly, he felt like you had just plunged a deep knife into his heart and twisted. but most of all, he looked numb.

"you know what? i will leave, i may be a coward, but i would've never said to you what you just said to me," he spat. he climbed out of the window, leaving quickly and quickly going into his own home.

you watched angrily as he did, unfortunately still caring that he made it inside safely, and closed your window and curtain.

you couldn't believe he had made you feel so stupid...

———

months had passed since you and sirius' huge fight. since then, you'd hardly spoken to each other—and if you did, it wasn't very kind exchanges. your interactions were filled with glares and sarcasm and irritability with each other—and james was left more than confused how something so gentle could change into something so angry overnight.

nonetheless, you did your best to avoid each other at school. did you miss your late night talks with him? your late night eating sessions? most of all, your late night arts and crafts? of course, but he had shown you who he really was. you didn't need to miss someone like that. ( and honestly, it had become really clear how boring you two were together—but those nights were the funnest nights of your life. )

"hey, y/n," pandora burke sighed, throwing herself in the seat in front of you in the great hall. you looked up at your friend and smiled slightly, "hey, dora," you replied.

soon enough, evan rosier joined you both—quickly accompanied by regulus black. you were close with pandora for a long time, but not so much regulus and evan until this year. pandora, who was the only one to know about your fling, attributed the newfound friendship with the younger black brother as a subtle way to get back at sirius—whether it was or not, you certainly enjoyed regulus' company since he matured as a person—and you had to admit, the angry and infuriated look on sirius' face when you laughed with his brother was priceless.

you glanced up from your cereal as evan talked happily about the new spell he had learned to mess with gryffindors, finding grey eyes looming over you as you ate. you flared at sirius, finding he more than returned the favor.

"hello? y/n? why aren't you listening to me? can you stop eye-fucking regulus' brother for one second and listen to me?" evan said loudly, turning a few heads. thankfully, plenty were afraid of regulus that when he glared at them to mind their business, they did just that.

"i am not," you seethed.

"you kind of are," pandora added sheepishly.

"leave her alone," regulus sighed. "he was staring at her,"

"that fucking asswipe, i don't understand what's so interesting about me eating my cereal?" you scoffed, turning to regulus dumbfounded.

regulus shrugged. "maybe he thinks you're pretty,"

"probably," pandora smirked, eyeing you subtly.

"i know i'm pretty, i don't need his validation," you spat—glaring at the boy who had promptly turned to join in with lupin and pettigrews conversation.

you turned to regulus and smiled nonetheless, "but thanks, reg," you grinned, hitting his side playfully.

"whatever, we should go...we have divination soon," regulus muttered.

"you don't even like that class," evan said.

"yeah, but i do, and reggie is my mini me, let's get on with it, reg," you grinned, pulling regulus up with you. bidding a goodbye to your friends, you and regulus left the great hall arm-in-arm—unbeknownst to both of you, a pair of grey eyes watched you both angrily as you left.

——

potions was a hard enough class as it was, given your head of house taught it and expected perfection from his students. it was even harder when slughorn had no sense of social cues and decided to pair you and sirius up today to complete a potion.

frankly, you couldn't put all the blame on slughorn. if sirius and james weren't acting like such idiots, then you and pandora wouldn't have gotten separated to be paired with them.

"can you at least pretend like you're interested?" you hissed at the boy who had put his hair up in a makeshift bun and kicked his feet up on the table. you swatted his feet to the ground, glaring angrily at him.

"why should i? you're just gonna do what you when you want to anyway," sirius spat back.

you rolled your eyes. you nodded at the wooden spoon, "hand me that, you twat," you sneered. with ab annoyed huff, sirius grabbed the spoon and placed it softly in your hand. his fingertips brushed against your palm and for a second, it felt like that comforting feeling of you two back in your room—hands intertwined under covers and lips locked passionately.

he pulled his hand away promptly as you stared at the cauldron, trying to snap your common sense back into place. you acted unbothered by the hand touch and resumed your potion making, a subtle scowl printed on your lips.

you turned to sirius, glancing down at your textbook before looking at him. "bring me the rat's heart," you said sternly. with an exaggerated, annoyed sigh—sirius stood quickly and made his way over, picking up a small jar of the rats heart and ambling over, placing it gingerly in your hand.

"anything else, your highness?" he asked sarcastically.

you glared at him. "no, that'll be all, thank you," you spat back.

——

after class, you went to the library to try and get homework done. as much as you loved pandora, you were easily distracted by her and you would really like to turn your stuff in on time.

unfortunately for you, goyle had other plans. he was some persistent 5th year who had a thing for you, which would be fine, if he wasn't a downright creep about it. you didn't even know the boys first name, that's how irritating he was to you.

"come on, i'll bet I'll give you the best night of your life," goyle whispered to you, trying his hardest to seduce you it seemed. you rolled your eyes.

"leave me alone, i don't want any nights with you," you sneered, shoving a book into its shelf and attempting to walk off.

nonetheless, the boy persisted. "you're playing hard to get," he chuckled.

"or maybe you're not worth my time," you scoffed.

his face twisted angrily as he tripped to grip your hip. "don't talk to me like that," he said angrily.

"get your hands off of me!" you spat, throwing his hand off.

"i ought to—" goyle began.

"get the bloody hell off of her," sirius spat, shoving goyle away from you. "when a girl tells you no, she means no,"

"whatever, you're a slag anyway," goyle spat at you before walking off. sirius almost went after him, but you grabbed his arm as you watch goyle leave.

"don't worry about it, thanks," you said nonchalantly.

he nodded at you, "any time, n/n,"

both of your eyes widened, as you both remembered the exact times he'd call you that nickname. you cleared your throat and walked off, leaving him standing there blankly before he eventually walked off.

you turned the corner, bringing your back to the shelf, and took a deep breath. why did he have to keep reminding you?

——

parties were debatable to you. a part of you liked the music and the dancing, and most certainly the drinking. another part of you hated to be around that many people at one time. however, you'd do it for james.

gryffindor had just won their game against ravenclaw, and james begged you to come to the party. it was rare you two actually spoke to you at school, but when you did talk—it was usually to ask for each others support.

you entered the gryffindor common room, your little black dress wrapped around your body in all the right places and your heels heightened you just enough that it made your legs look longer. you pulled off your cardigan, draping it over the couch that sat near the fireplace.

you quickly joined your friends marlene and dorcas on the dance floor—you, james, and marlene had grown up together as neighbors. so though you weren't as close anymore, you still considered each other friends.

"hey babe," marlene grinned, running over to hug you. dorcas smiled and did the same, greeting you quietly.

"hey marls, where's james?" you asked, looking around for your tall, messy-haired friend.

"uh...oh! doing shots over there with sirius, remus, and peter!" she replied, pointing over to the four boys. you smiled and the three of you made your way over.

"congrats james!" you and marlene exclaimed, running up to hug him. he smiled and kissed both of your heads.

"guys, these are my sisters! i love them so much!" he slurred, pulling you and marlene close. the other boys and dorcas laughed, while you and marlene chuckled. thankfully, james had showered before the party.

the rest of them quickly ran off to the dance floor, leaving you and sirius standing there watching them. you poured yourself a cup of beer, taking a small sip.

"you look great, n/n," sirius smiled. his cheeks were a bit flushed, but above all else, he looked sober.

"how drunk are you right now?" you asked, surveying him closely.

"never mind," he said promptly before attempting to walk off. you grabbed his forearm swiftly and smiled slightly.

"thanks," you said simply. he grinned at you, before walking off into the dance floor. he was most definitely drunk.

as the party progressed, you managed to be the only one to stay sober. every one of your friends was hammered, leaving you to babysit the group. thankfully, they weren't blackout.

"alright, here you both go," you grunted as you set peter down in his bed and remus on the one beside it. truthfully, you didn't know which was who's bed, but you knew if you didn't get them to sleep now—it wouldn't end well.

they muttered a thanks to you before the snores quickly began. you laughed it off, before walking over to james where he lied on what you presumed was his bed. he was sound asleep thankfully, so you swiftly removed his glasses and placed it on his dresser.

marlene and dorcas had already been put to bed, with the help of lily, who had bid you a quick good night as she went to babysit the two of them.

with a sigh, you went back downstairs to your last caretakee of the night. sirius, though you disliked him, couldn't be the only one you didn't put to bed. you sighed and crouched in front of him, being sure to cover your knees with your dress.

"sirius, it's time to go to bed," you said.

"no, i want to party!" he exclaimed through his closed eyes, pumping his fist in the air.

"yeah, there's a party in your bed, come on," you tried. then you scrunched your nose, "that sounded so wrong,"

he giggled. "you're funny,"

"it's one of my many talents," you replied. then, you stood and offered him a hand. he sighed and took it, standing up and stumbling slightly.

you allowed him to support his weight on you, despite the height difference, and you both stumbled over to the stairs. you took a few steps before he groaned.

"stop, stop, i'm going to throw up," he groaned. you quickly let him sit down, sitting beside him promptly. you waited patiently as he took a few deep breaths.

you both sat there in silence. you used to talk all the time, but now this is what your interactions consisted of. pure silence. it was a miracle he was drunk now, at least that would explain it this time.

he looked at you. "you know, you do look pretty today, beautiful even,"

"you're drunk," you rolled your eyes. "you wouldn't be saying it otherwise," you said—turning to look at him as well.

"i think it all the time, did you know that, miss know-it-all?," he chuckled. "you're captivating,"

you rolled your eyes. "alright, charmer, are you actually nauseous or did you just want to talk my ear off all night?"

"i dunno, i used to do it all the time, remember? i miss it..." he mumbled.

"yeah, well, that's not exactly on me," you muttered, loud enough so he could hear it.

sirius took a deep breath, looking at you with sorrow-filled eyes. "it was the biggest mistake i've ever made, y/n,"

you looked at him softly.

"i mean, you understood me. you didn't care what baggage i had. sleeping beside you that summer was the first time i'd gotten real sleep in a long time," he admitted. "you made me feel safe... the way you'd laugh, the way you'd touch me, all of it,"

he's drunk. he's drunk. he's drunk. he's drunk. you repeated to yourself over and over. despite the feeling of your chest being ripped apart, you knew he couldn't actually mean it. yes, you loved him—more than you ever wanted to admit. but he didn't feel the same, he had showed you that much.

"let's get you to bed," you whispered. comfortingly, you grabbed his forearm and helped him up.

he followed you up the stairs, before quickly entering his dorm with him. you laid him gently on his bed, sliding his shoes off. he looked relieved that you were there, despite everything in your body telling you to just leave. he had hurt you before, he was cruel—so why were you still helping him?

you noticed him close his eyes and you turned to leave, but he sat up and grabbed your hand. you turned to him.

"i still get nightmares, especially after we broke up," he admitted. you knew about these. they were scary and heart wrenching to watch him experience. you couldn't imagine actually having them.

"will you stay until i fall asleep?" he whispered softly.

every logical part of you was screaming no. telling you to leave and not look back. but the part of you that cared—that loved him, was begging you to stay.

and unfortunately, that part that was begging won.

"yeah, sure," you whispered. you sat beside him on his bed. you folded your legs to the side and held his hand tightly as he closed his eyes.

within minutes he was asleep.

you admired him quietly as he slept. his chest rising and falling, his perfect features relaxed in a perfect way. a part of you could stay like this, watching him, forever.

but then another part of you remembered what he said—and you knew he'd never feel for you what you felt for him.

with a frown, you slowly let go of his hand and stood up—making your way quickly out of his dorm. silently, you made your way back to the slytherin dungeons, trying to ignore your heartbreak.

——

a week had passed since your incident with sirius. you had hardly spoken to him and he agreed with you it seemed—because he hasn't talked to you much either. sure, there was a snarky comment here and there, but other than that, you two managed to stay your separate ways.

you chuckled quietly, shaking your head as evan and regulus argued playfully. pandora sat beside you, rolling her eyes at the two.

lunch was soon ending, leaving you and evan to have to separate from pandora and regulus soon. you two shared a herbology class, despite him being a year younger than you. he was rather smart, doubling up in certain classes to finish them easier.

"bye, you guys," you chuckled, as you and evan walked side-by-side toward the greenhouses. you quickly pulled your emerald green tie out of your bag, tying it around you neck swiftly.

you and evan linked arms after, continuing your way to class. if it was one thing you two had, it was the ability to talk about anything and everything that had little to no importance.

"yeah, and then i told my dad—" evan began.

"y/n!" a familiar, now sober voice called out. sirius quickly walked over, as you and evan stopped and turned around. evan gave you an alarmed look but you looked at sirius.

"sirius?" you questioned as he finally caught up to the two of you.

"can i talk to you?" he mumbled.

"about?" you asked, crossing your arms.

"it's important," he assured. "please,"

you rolled your eyes. "fine, what is it?"

he looked over at evan sternly. "leave?"

you stepped in front of evan protectively. he and regulus really did feel like younger brothers to you, now that you thought about it. "don't talk to him that way," you interjected—narrowing your eyes at sirius.

"i'm fine, evan, i'll catch up to you," you said, glancing at evan before looking at sirius pointedly. evan grinned.

"i listen to her because i want to, not because of you," he told sirius pointedly. sirius rolled his eyes as evan laughed and walked off.

you looked at sirius with your arms crossed. "well?"

sirius stood in front of you awkwardly, finding it seemingly difficult to look you in the eyes. "uh, i remembered today what i did,"

you stared at him, urging him to continue. you had no idea what the fuck he was talking about.

"that night at the gryffindor victory party," he added, finally mustering the courage to look you in the eye.

you shifted uncomfortably. "look, we don't have to talk about it—"

he nodded, "yes we do,"

"no, we really don't—"

"well i want to," he said sternly.

"i wasn't lying that day, yes i was drunk, but i meant it, every word of it. the way you make me feel, how safe you feel, everything..." sirius said. "pushing you away was the biggest mistake of my life, i should've never been such a coward,"

"except you didn't just push me away, you said cruel things," you replied. "sirius, you don't get to just drop that bomb on my life after destroying my feelings and expect immediate forgiveness! what you said hurt, it stung even!"

"you made me feel ashamed!" you added, hurt lacing your tone. "do you think i dealt with that easily? i fancied you, and you made me feel like i wasn't worthy of being near you. do you know how that feels?"

sirius pushed your strands of hair behind your ears, cupping your face. "and believe me, i will spend my entire life earning your forgiveness. you were never the embarrassment, i was. i'm so sorry, y/n,"

suddenly, like something had possessed you, you kissed him swiftly. you didn't know you could miss someone's touch so much.

he quickly kissed back. you pulled away.

"you still have to earn that forgiveness," you breathed out, "but this...is a good start,"

he grinned. "believe me, i will work my entire life if i have to," he chuckled, pulling you in for a tight, bone-crushing hug. one that you had missed for months now.

"believe me, i won't make it easy," you smirked.

bonus;

"do you have one in green?" you asked your husbands coworker. you were at a work party and they was handing out party bags, which everyone decided to match to their house while attending hogwarts.

your husbands coworker snorted. "what're you? a slytherin?"

you blinked at him, crossing your arms. "as a matter of fact, i am, problem?"

sirius slid his arm around your waist, kissing your head. "no problem, right alexander? my wife's a proud slytherin, no big deal," he shrugged.

alexander cleared his throat and his cheeks tinted pink. "no, of course not. here's a green one," he mumbled. you took it and he walked off, clearly embarrassed.

you turned to sirius with a smile, leaning in close. "thank you for defending my honor," you chuckled.

"well, anything for my wife," he laughed, kissing you softly.

[vodika-vibes]

I saw that you asked for crosshair requests, and I had an idea I figured I'd run by you in case it gave you any inspiration. I was thinking about a kind of friends to loves situation with crosshair and his casual flirting suggesting a friends with benefits situation, but the reader says no despite clearly being attracted to him, and when pressed confesses to being afraid of falling in love with him if they hook up. idk if that's smth you want to write, just hope you focus on stuff you want to do and don't burn yourself out :)

We Could Be More

Summary: Summary: You and Crosshair are friends, only the emotions are a little…more. You’re not really surprised when Crosshair comes to you with a proposition. Friends with benefits would make sense, it’s not as if the Empire will allow you more. You’re both surprised when you turn him down.

Pairing: TBB Crosshair x F!Reader

Word Count: 1577

Warnings: Discussions of a friends with benefits type situation, some adult discussion, Crosshair demands an explanation when the Reader says no, discussion of the lack of clone rights

Tagging: @trixie2023 @n0vqni

A/N: I hope this is close to the idea that you had. I had fun writing it, and I'm so glad that people are feeding my sudden, and surprising, crosshair obsession. RIP me.

You enjoy your job.

You’d enjoy it more if you had your own workshop, or even a workspace that wasn’t a small, unused, section of the ship.

Hell, at this point, you’d be happy with having a chair and a desk so you don’t have to sit on the floor while repairing the mouse droids. You’d also accept a cushion, or a thick blanket.

But no.

You have to sit on the floor with little mouse droids zipping around you while you make sure they work properly.

Still, you like working with droids. They’re easy. Easier than your co-workers.

Well, easier than most of your co-workers.

You flip the mouse droid back on its wheels, and it zooms around you, chattering happily. “Alright, you’re all set,” You say to the droid, “Watch out for more Admirals.”

The little droid chatters and then zooms out the tunnel that leads to your…hallway(?) and you sigh and stretch your arms over your head. Maybe if you send a very polite email to your supervisor you can get a desk…or at least a proper cushion.

“You know,” You yelp at the voice coming from the doorway, “I think you like those droids more than anyone else on this ship, kitten.”

“Don’t do that! You nearly gave me a heart attack,” You say as you press your hand over your pounding heart. And then you drop your hand and glance up at the much taller man, “I thought you were on a mission, Cross?”

“I was, and now I’m not. Funny how that happens.”

“Ooh, you think you're funny, don’t you?” You say with an amused grin on your lips.

“Funnier than most of the people on this ship, yeah.” Crosshair leans against the wall and slides down so he’s sitting next to you, his knees raised and his arms draped over his knees, “Busy morning?”

“Isn’t it always?” You ask with a sigh, “One of the mouse droids was in the way when a member of the Imperial Guard came though, and nearly crushed him to pieces.” You gesture to the side, “It’s over there, somewhere.”

“Bad luck.”

“Tell me about it.” You say with a sigh, “It’s going to take me days to rebuild it.”

“Hm.” Crosshair hums noncommittally. “What’s the Imperial Guard doing here?”

“Hell if I know. You think anyone tells me anything?” You ask with a grin.

“Nah, but I know the mouse droids pick up audio.” Crosshair replies.

“Crosshair, are you implying that I’m spying on my coworkers, because that would be very, very wrong of me.”

“Uh-huh.”

You keep his gaze for a moment, before a grin cracks your face, “Okay, apparently the Emperor’s ship needed repairs, some kind of space debris.” You shrug, “I dunno, I don’t work on ships, I work on droids.”

“Yeah, I don’t think they could fit a ship in your hallway.”

“Excuse you, this is my office, sir.”

“And you can’t even afford a chair, or a desk. Shame.”

You laugh and bump him with your shoulder, “Rude, maybe I like sitting on the floor.”

“Do you?”

“No. I think my butt is numb.”

Crosshair’s eyes glitter with mischief, “Want me to massage it for you?”

“I don’t think you’ve earned butt touching privileges.” You counter with a sniff.

“Shame. You have a really nice one. Very round and squeezable.”

“Yeah, that doesn’t sound like a massage. It sounds like you just want to grope me.”

He shrugs, “Same thing.”

“Very different.” You correct him with a laugh.

“Not the way I do it.”

“Oh? You have a lot of practice then?”

“Well, I might be a little out of practice. I haven’t had the chance to practice my skills since the Republic fell.” Crosshair admits.

“Aww, poor thing. How ever will you survive?” You tease him lightly as a new mouse droid limps in and you grab it and flip it immediately.

“I have a pretty good idea,” Crosshair counters as he leans back against the wall, his gaze locked on you.

You hum thoughtfully as you examine the wheels.

You and Crosshair are friends, because that’s all the Empire will allow. It’s illegal for Crosshair to have relations with people. And actual relationships are out of the question. Which is a shame, you’d be interested in seeing where this, whatever it might be, could go if given the chance.

You pull a piece of metal out from the wheel well, and then set the droid back on its wheels, and it scurries away. “Sorry, you were saying?”

Crosshair stares at you, a small smirk on his lips. “I have a…proposition, of sorts, kitten.”

You arch a single brow, “Go ahead.”

His smirk grows, “When was the last time you got laid?”

Your face burns, “I’m not answering that.”

“Come on, kitten, it’s me.”

You fold your arms, “If you tease me even once-”

“I would never.”

“Yes, you will.” You grumble. Crosshair flashes, what he probably thinks is, an angelic look, and you huff and avert your eyes. “...fine, I’ve never actually-”

A broad grin crosses his face, “Kitten, are you a virgin?”

You scowl at him, “You heard me.”

He looks absolutely delighted, and you consider kicking him in the shin for half a minute. “That makes my proposition even better.”

“If you’re about to tease me-”

“How do you feel about a friends with benefits type situation?” Crosshair interrupts you.

Your words die on your tongue, and you blink at him, “...what.”

“You heard me.”

“I did, I’m just trying to process.” You admit, you hold up a finger, “I just told you that I’m a virgin, and you want a friends with benefits situationship. With me.”

“Did I stutter?”

“Just making sure I heard you correctly.”

“You did.”

You frown at him, rolling the idea around in your mind.

It’s not that you don’t want. Because you do. More than you’re ever going to put into words. Crosshair is so handsome and while he’s not kind, he is good. Good in a way that he doesn’t seem to see in himself.

You could love him, if you gave yourself the chance.

And you can’t risk that. You can’t risk him.

So, hating yourself a little, you focus your attention on him, “I’m flattered, Cross.” You say slowly, “But I think that’s a terrible idea.”

“Why?” His eyes narrow at you, “Because I’m a clone.”

“Of course not. That’s never been important to me.”

“Then what? You’re not attracted enough? I’m not nice enough?”

“Cross-”

“You didn’t flat-out refuse, you said it’s a terrible idea. Why is it a terrible idea?” Crosshair demands.

“Because.”

“Because isn’t an answer.”

“Because I’m afraid I’ll fall in love with you, and you’ll get hurt.” You say honestly.

Crosshair pauses, “...You’re going to have to explain that one to me.”

“I’m not dumb, Crosshair. I know it’s illegal for you to have sex with anyone. And it’s even more illegal for you to enter a relationship with someone. And the Empire isn’t the Republic, they will kill you before they’ll punish me.”

He leans back, his gaze calculating, “What if I said that I didn’t care?”

You frown at him, “I care, that’s enough for me.”

He leans in so that his face is only a few inches away from your own, “What if the Empire wasn’t a concern?”

You lean in as well, so that you're even closer, “You can’t bring down the Empire, Crosshair, you’re one man.”

“I could try, if you wanted me to.”

Your gaze softens, “As strong and broad as your shoulders are, that weight would still crush you, Cross.”

He searches your face for a moment, “What if we defected?”

“Please tell me you don’t want to defect simply so you can get laid?”

“I’m not dumb, it’s only a matter of time before they decommission me.” Crosshair says, “The Clones are expendable.”

Your hands curl into fists, your nails digging into the palms of your hands, “Cross-”

“So what do you say? If we defect, would you be willing to consider a friends with benefits relationship?”

“You’re impossible.”

“Hey, if I’m about to risk my life by running away from the largest government entity in the galaxy, I’d like to know if there are some perks on the other side.”

“Oh my god,” You push your hands through your hair, “Okay, fine. Yes. If we defected, and I knew you weren’t going to get yourself killed simply because you wanted to get your dick wet, then yes, I would agree to a friends with benefits relationship.”

He leans back, “Deal. We leave tonight.”

“Do you have a plan?”

“Yeah, of course.”

“Is it a good plan?”

Crosshair just smirks, “How many mouse droids can you call back right now?”

“...all of them, why?”

“Call them back, we’re going to rig them to blow up.”

Your jaw drops, “My babies-”

He rolls his eyes, “You have a better suggestion?”

“...no…”

“Great. Then get started. I’m going to come and get you tonight. We’re going to escape on one of the smaller ships.” Crosshair says.

“And go where?”

“Pabu.”

“I have questions.”

“My batch mates live there.”

“...I have even more questions.”

“They can wait.” Crosshair leans over to you and lightly kisses your temple, “You have work to do, kitten. I’ll see you tonight.”

And then Crosshair is gone, and you’re left feeling like the weight of the world is on your shoulders.

[ice-cream-writes-stuff]

ᘛ⁠⁐̤⁠ᕐ⁠ᐷ♡ ༘*.ﾟMouse-Trap ᘛ⁠⁐̤⁠ᕐ⁠ᐷ♡༘*.ﾟ

《Notes / Ideas / Mini Fic》

In this Au, (Y/N) is the the first sidekick since Dick Grayson is Stray in this timeline. Due to that, her origin is much different.

I would say (Y/N) would take the mantle in her college years.

By day, normal college girl that has a intership at Wayne Enterprise. At night, timid heroine that aids the dark-knight crusader.

With a quiet breath, you do your best to keep up with Mr. Wayne as he walks amongst the party guests. His secretary calling out sick, along with needing you as extra eyes incase of any.. Mishaps.

I would say (Y/N) back story is completely up to ya'll! But overall, she is the eldest sibling of batfam. Adopted or not!

"Ah.. Ms. Kyle." Mr. Wayne gently takes her hand, placing a small kiss on her knuckle as she chuckles gracefully at the contact. "Bruce.." She smirks cheekily, "I see your unacompanied at the moment.."

"I'm not, this is my son, Richard."

I see this (Y/N) is much more dependent on Batman/Bruce than Dick was.

Instead of her leaving Bruce with the intentons of becoming her own hero. He basically had to persuade about it, disscussing it and such.

Which works out! Kinda...

Ms. Kyle states, as you linger behind Mr. Wayne. Trying to take a peek at the situation, until you hear a unfamiliar voice chime in."A pleasure to meet you, Sir." He said respectfully.

Dick however, later on. Does in fact travel out of Gotham and becomes his own seasoned thief.

Later on, becoming more situated in Bludhaven, often visiting Selina!

Overhearing the greetings, you shuffle closer anxiously. Honestly just wanting to head home and finish assignments until patrol. "And who's this?" Ms. Kyle says soothingly as she sees you.

"A-ah.. Uhm.."

I would like to think in this Au, much more magicl-girl vibes!

Also, to add! Bruce is much more protective than usual. Cause I think its funnier!

But this is mainly due to MouseHero!(Y/N) still not as well-trained as Bruce, yet shows promise.

"This is my intern, (L/N), she's substituting for my secretary tonight." Placing a hand on your shoulder. He gently nudges you in front of the two. "Uh.. H-Hello?" You said weakly, doing your best to look at them both.

"Hello there." Ms. Kyle greets kindly, giving a small wave as Richard took a glance at you. "Hi, (L/N). Right?" He greeted charmingly, holding out a hand.

In this Au, there are Robins! But the mantle is always changing.

You blink at his presence, he.. He was gorgeous. His lips pursing into a grin, blue irises taking hold of your heart.

Grasping ahold of his hand, you politlely shake back.

-

Yawning, Stray boredly stood watch as Selina grabbed the jewel. Smirking, he helped her up, letting her take the lead as he followed after. Running amongst the rooftops. Graceful as their feline personas as they dash.

*THUNK!*

Wincing slightly, Stray glances at the other building. Seeing a familiar bat-themed caped-crusader on their trail. Rolling his eyes, he kept moving, something or rather.. Someone did catch his intreset..

Gasping in awe at the moonlight, you jump over buildings carefully. Trying to keep up with your mentor as he skillfully plants his feet on the opposing building. You managed to bring your speed up, eagerly leaping forward, eyes bright as a smile blooms on your lips.

Stray, noticing the actions, slows down ever so slightly.. Savoring the raw expression on the heronies features.

Ah.. Far too late to admire when the opposing duos now stood neck and neck.

-

Civilian (Y/N) is still shy, but more akward and humble, almost embarrssingly . While her Hero counterpart is still shy, a bit more cry-baby with a strong willed-heart. Overall, still the same girl, just one with more confidence.

Babs is still Batgirl! She doesn't date Stray. But does date Dick for a bit, but before they create their hero/vigilante personas, though it doesn't work out. Overall still on good-terms and are besties.

"Aww... Seems Pussy-Cat is gonna' ruin the fun!" Joker laughed, watching Stray pick you up carefully. Your costume torn a bit as you weakly move in his arms in defiance.

"Why don’t cats play cards with mice? They’re too fur-midable at poker!" Joker joked, sweating slightly as he saw the glare directed at him.

I love to think Babara is your utter bestie, in or out of costume. She Dislikes Stray, (she doesn't know its Dick), finds him way too cocky and flashy. Bruce and her team up to scare him away whenever they can, (often failing).

Jason however, finds Stray!Dick annoying but kinda cool. Though, Jay does on occassion get teased by the thief. Which he hates, and goes to (Y/N) with crocodile tears.

It works often, Dick finds it annoying and tries to explain himself as Jason smiles in wickedness. It still works when your all older! What a pain! (Dicks words, not mine.)

In this Au, Dick gives off more "golden-kid" vibes, due to the fact his thief-persona is much more flirty and blunt.

You smile, giggling as the thief dramatically recalls his tales with your "hero-self". Flustered slightly, dumbly nodding along as your chest felt warm.

Stray and Civilian!(Y/N) relationship is sorta like Mari-Chat in a sense (lol).

But I feel like she'd open up to him more due to Dick's flamboyant energy. Finding comfort without the need to be enemies when shes not in uniform.

But with Richard, she's more self concious than ever! Always afraid she'll mess up and ruin their starange friendship and he'll figure who she is.

Batman is so done, while Selina loves her new novela.

-

Tagging: @gaozorous-rex-blog @b4tm4nn @777ily @celestial-kanzakii

[Yay! I wrote more! Horray! I need to write Hemlock!Jason. But overall one of my favorite Aus! Any more ideas? Send them in! Hearts, comments, fan art are super Appreciated! Check out the extra! Mousequerade Ball!]