#and larry is just kind of dumb

[natorika]

oh, i just remembered something i completely forgot to mention at all in like any posts. phoenix is definitely on the autism spectrum. went undiagnosed his entire life, everyone around him growing up just thought he was ~quirky~ since he did a very good job at masking his most "undesirable" traits.

[itissadbutitsmy-artblog]

more. i dont like making aus like this except i have to get to the end of it so itll all be rounded out. i drew a lot of these and they brought me joy

these all kinda flow into one another so they go in one post but they arent consistently colored or paneled. well who cares. i need to see them

its an alternate ending of this(x) and a continuation of this(x). i have too many comics falling around.

[inkskinned]

no, actually, where is the whimsy?

my ex had a best friend named larry who asked me once: what do you think comes after irony?

we were at the bar where larry worked. it was a quiet night, and he'd hopped over to sit with us on the patron side. i swirled the lemon around my limoncello martini.

earnest positivity, i said, while my ex said, art self-destructs.

i stared at my ex. he stared at me.

his argument was the cinemasins argument: look how bad media is becoming! look at the loopholes and the dumb shit!

it was roughly 2011. galaxy print was still in. at the time, i had a favorite shirt that was a wolf howling at the moon. it got ripped in half in the wash and i honestly still mourn it. i dressed like effie stonem, because everyone did. and irony was the name of the thing. men liked MLP "ironically." the internet liked the kind of crass, "anti-mainstream" vibes of things like fuck romance, touch my butt and buy me pizza. we put cats in sunglasses everywhere, which was because we only liked things in irony.

and media had the same vibe in it: anti-hero white men would be "hard to love" and then storm off the scene. nobody was just earnestly trying to save the world: they were jaded, angry, unoriginal. mad you even asked them to try to help.

my ex ends up not being wrong. cinemasins becomes super popular. a lot of people start viewing media with this lens that is the cruelest, most jaded depiction. it's wrong for your character to have unexplained powers, even if the entire movie is about how strange it is she has unexplained powers - that is still considered a "loophole." characters make thoughtless, panicked choices? loophole. characters are actually kind people, despite hardship? loophole. features a woman doing literally anything without assistance? loophole. movies become hyper-aware of scrutiny, and now irony rules the media.

which means you go to a movie, and the character has to turn to the screen and say "beats me!!" or one of the side characters has to have some kind of quip like "are you seriously telling me that you think this is normal?" because nothing can happen in earnest. like a sitcom laugh track, we now anticipate the fourth-wall break: the moment that the media acknowledges it is telling a story. the media has to apologize for itself, or else someone like my ex rolls their eyes.

but here's the thing: i wasn't wrong either.

the difference might be that i am (and always have been) so soft-hearted that any crack in the light of this world will spear me into the ground. and i was the poet in the relationship. (he thought that was the same thing as being naïve and stupid). i was making things daily. i knew how all of us artists are driven by some strange desire to evolve. he notably liked to critique art, not to create it.

so yes, i've made things that are bitter and angry and even ironic. i've made long, sharp poems with all capital letters, and i've made poems about how the silence stretches out like a song. someone wrote once that we will spend our whole lives just circling the place we grew up. i think it's more that we spend our whole lives trying to remake a home. i think it's that as we age, it becomes less exciting to build the castle on the beach - we become aware of erosion, of windforce. we realize what we really want is to come home to our dog, castle or not.

and while art in the foreground is mired in white male violence and irony, and aggression, and not taking anything seriously - i don't think that's true of all art. i think more and more artists are leaning in to the things we love. the world has changed so much. they have taken so many things from us. the only thing we have left is love. at the bottom of the moving box - all we get is the faint sense that we have to appreciate what little we've got. i can't enjoy this stuff ironically anymore: what room do i have for irony? if it makes me happy, that is an amazing thing. there are so few happy places left for me. i want to be happy because of how leaves shiver beside each other like nestling birds. i want to be happy because of the color pink, and how magenta doesn't exist. i have spent so much of this life suffering, i have earned my right to a gentle ending. if nothing matters, i get to assign meaning to the nothing. i get to create meaning. i am an artist first and foremost, which means creation is my thing.

where is the whimsy? wherever i fucking put it. because if this is my last fucking chance to do any good in this world - i want to do it earnestly. i want to write things that make you happy. that make people feel heard and seen. what comes after irony has to be positivity.

it was close to my 21st birthday. in 7 years, i would end up writing a book about this relationship, which is hopefully coming out somewhere around May 2024. i come back to this bar scene in my memories a lot. i keep thinking of how pale my ex was. the look that crossed his face. how i looked back at him. how for a moment, both of us couldn't recognize the other person. like the gulf between us was a suddenly wide and cavernous thing. like we were alien to each other. he never took my opinion seriously, and he always seemed surprised whenever his manic-pixie-dream-girl ever broke free of the plot. like in the whole time we were together, i wasn't human enough.

this knowledge: where he said nothing comes after, my only instinct was what comes after is love.

[signed-loni]

HELLO LOVELY PEOPLE. I was in class today, and yk, i just couldn’t help but be bored and thought to myself “hey, what about head canons for sal and brainiac!y/n?” Good idea if i do say so myself! I also thought about whether it should be todds sister, but i changed my mind since idk i just, idk. SOOOO HERES THATT and enjoy! :)

(Lets just appreciate this amazing work. Truly, props to the artist this is so, yes.) (@paint_soda on ig!)

How it happened HCs

Tbh, the school didn’t see this coming. A brainiac with a person like sal? No one saw it coming, not even Larry, and Larry knows everything about his best friend. From his measurements (not like that) to his least favorite kind of pasta

and you didn’t really see it coming either! You honestly just fell really hard one day because sal got one of the hardest questions you’ve come upon, right, before you

You gotta say, you’re a sucker for the smart ones

While you’ve never seen his face, you have seen him around school with his small group of friends

You have your little clique, but recently, they’ve been shit talking you.

Saying things about you, calling you names and starting rumors, things like slut and whore being tossed around since one of your friends ex boyfriend had a crush on you

Youre not the kind of stereotypical nerd. Oh no, you arent.

You are most definitely not

Sal fell for you, mostly because of YOUR brains to

He likes that in a person. Someone who’s pretty, and smart!? He’s on the floor.

General relationship HCs

You don’t know how to explain it, well you do, but you always say it in the same way

Sal is the best boyfriend ever.

Sal knows everything thing about you, and you know everything about him

He knows your least favorite way to solve a problem for goodness sake

He knows the way you play with your fingers when your focusing on finding the solution to a question

He knows how you sit when you’re uncomfortable

He knows everything

You know almost the same amount he knows about you, about him

You know how he hold onto his pigtails when he’s afraid, you know how insecure he is about his face

He’s glad he’s dating someone like you. Its not like he’s dumb or anything, but he knows you definitely helped Larry, and he knows that he helped you get out of your toxic friend group.

You don’t talk about it much, but he knows

He’s seen it

He’s seen them look at you and him holding hands in the hallways, he’s seen them whisper to each other while looking at you, laughing to themselves.

It makes him mad

You always tell him your a big girl and can handle it, but he knows it kills you to see your once friends, now hate you because of one silly thing

If having rizz was a crime, you would be arrested

Cause MAN can you make sal FLUSTERED

The compliments, the PDA, the PINKY HOLDING. Sal has stopped working once you hold his pinky for the first time

He doesn’t mind holding hands, but you know he prefers pinkies.

Its amazing how you don’t react when seeing his face to him. Larry didn’t react, but he barely got to see. You got to see for a full minute. And sal thought you hated him because of how much you didnt react

Which sounds silly, but to him, it wasnt

He thought you hated his face so much, you decided it was to horrid to even comment on

But all those thoughts were cleared when you kissed him

Kissed his lips

Kissed his scars

Kissed him

He knew right then and there, that you were the one for him. His and his only

[luciferlightbringer]

Love in a Hopeless Place

Chapter 6

Hi lovelies! Please be warned that this is a heavier chapter that discusses trauma and depictions of violence! I'm sure I'm going overboard with the warnings, but I'm just wanting to make sure I cover all of my bases here! xoxo, Dany

Chapter 5|Chapter 6|Chapter 7|Updated through Chapter 12

Lucifer x prostitute fem!reader Word Count: 5.3k CW: Slowburn, Prostitution, Hurt/comfort, trauma, fluff, cuddles, depression, anxiety, protective "not-boyfriend" !Trigger Warning!: Physical violence, abuse, neglect, vague mentionings of underage sex work, drug use, torture, and drug dealing

The next couple of days seemed to creep by more slowly for the both of you, nothing drastic, just... slower, more... unpleasant. It could have been because of how good everything felt to be with each other, but at least for you, there had been another new factor.

You had still been seeing other clients while working for Lucifer, and sure, he took up the largest amount of time, but there were still others, some one offs and some regulars, and a handful of new clients. Most of them didn't give you much grief, but one of your newer clients had taken quite a shine to you, and wanted to see you more often. He was... ok...ish... not really. He was a little selfish, which was fine, but he also had an aggressive personality, and not the fun kind. He had not done anything "bad" to you yet, but he toed the line and that made you nervous.

This had not been as much of an issue until someone tipped him off that you did house calls it was Cynthhhhia, and in the last two days he had asked for you to go to his place, and he seemed to push the boundaries more outside of the brothel. Larry had always told you that if anyone made you ladies uncomfortable, that you could put them on your "No Kiss List", basically being banned from being scheduled with you, and depending on the intensity of the issue they could also get banned from the Lounge entirely.

Again, at this point, this newer guy, Jethro, had not done anything yet, so you still felt like you could handle him, but he was still a cause for some stress. The night of your next visit with Lucifer was a welcome one. When you got too Lucifer's, you pulled him into a tight embrace. He welcomed your hug, but noticed that it felt a little different, a little heavier than usual.

"Well hello to you too! Haha! Hey, you doing ok?" he said, looking at you with soft concern as your released him from your embrace.

"Of course! Why wouldn't I be?" you smiled, trying to hide your stress from the day.

"Oh nothing, you just uh... felt a little tense is all," he said sheepishly.

"Oh! Haha, ya it's nothing. Just a long day. Lots of clients, lots of... you know," you said trailing off.

"Of course! Haha, how silly of me! Do you, uh... need a minute? Do you want to, like, take a bath or shower or something?" he asked, "By yourself of course! I'm sure a minute to yourself would be nice. Plus, I still need to finish up with dinner," he added nervously, he felt his checks tint pink.

You chuckled, you thought it was funny when Lucifer would overthink his statements and felt like he needed to clarify something.

"That sounds nice, I might just take you up on that," you smile.

"Great!" he smiled, "Chose any bathroom you like, dinner should be ready in like 30 minutes."

The two of you part ways as you headed to one of the close-by guest bathrooms and Lucifer headed back to the kitchen. Lucifer had some updates that he had wanted to tell you about from Charlie's meeting with Heaven, but he figured that could wait a little longer. Plus, he was now preoccupied by his own dumb comment.

'"You want to take a bath or shower or something? By yourself, of course!" no duh, you idiot! She understood that's what you meant, why did you felt like you needed to clarify that?! Why do you gotta be so weird sometimes?!' he scolded himself as he made his way to the kitchen. Lucifer definitely had people that would cook for him, but he liked that it gave him something to do sometimes while he waited for you to get there in the evenings.

Meanwhile, you drew yourself a bath and slipped into it. You examined the bruises on your legs and chest from where your earlier guest had bitten and grabbed you. You were normally all for kinks like these, but these feel more forceful, and therefore made you upset to look at. You hid your legs under the water and just floated in the big tub for a while.

You smiled to yourself again as you thought of Lucifer stumbling over himself 'You want to take a bath or shower or something? By yourself, course!' followed by that little nervous smile. It was cute, and it was funny that he kept forgetting that he could just request that if he wanted to. You wouldn't have minded, you honestly would have liked it. He would be so warm and soft, snuggling into your chest in the warm water. You realized you had only ever seen him down to a barely opened shirt, while he has seen you down to your lingerie, for a fleeting minute.

How odd it was, that he had been one of your longest running and most consistent clients and yet, you too had not been sexually intimate at all. It was nice, but also... a little disappointing? Why was that disappointing? Why did you care? And why did you actually like the thought of bathing with him?

Your thought process was interrupted by a knock on the door.

"Uhh... occupied?" you said.

"There you are!" you could hear Lucifer through the door. "Jesus Christ, darling why do I have so many bathrooms?"

You shrugged, "Uhh.. cuz you're rich and its funny?"

"Hmm... That is true..." Lucifer chuckled on the other side of the door, "Anyways, dinner is ready whenever you are!"

"Ok!" you called out, and you started to get ready. As Lucifer walked away, he paused for a moment, thinking about how you were naked on the other side of the door.

He shook his head and kept walking, "Dude, stop it," he said quietly to himself.

A few minutes later, you were out, a toweling off your hair, back in your earlier clothes.

"How are you feeling?" said Lucifer as you entered the room.

"Much better, thank you," you said with a smile.

You and Lucifer sat down to eat, and Lucifer was finally able to tell you about the whole ordeal of setting up the Heaven with meeting the exhausting bureaucracy and drama of it all, and then... the aftermath of Charlie's meeting. Charlie had gone up with Vaggie, met with a bunch of the angels and seraphim, including Adam, the first man and leader of the yearly exterminations, and his right hand exorcist, Lute, and... it did not go well. Charlie had gotten them to start actually start thinking about the whole issue, then Adam dropped the whole "extermination" thing on the counsel, and most of the angels in the room knew nothing about the extermination of souls in hell! Consider the tea, spilled. Then on top of that, the council said their was not proof sinners could be redeemed, and Adam basically declared war on the Hotel.

Well, this was very stressful, but in a way that made you care more and made you forget about your worries from earlier in the day. You thought about Lucifer, Charlie, Vaggie, Angel... everyone at the hotel... You were wondering how they were feeling, how they were going to get out of this. So much for your idea about moving into the hotel. You chuckled to yourself.

"What is it?" Lucifer asked.

"Oh... it's stupid," you say with a wave of your hand, Lucifer gives you a look. You sigh, "Just... puts a little damper on my daydream to try out the hotel."

Lucifer cocked his head to the side, "You were thinking about moving to the hotel?"

You sat back and shrugged, "It was... a passing thought. Nothing serious. I realize that probably would have made things complicated, it's probably just easier this way."

Lucifer studied your face, "Maybe after the next extermination, see what happens. I just don't want you to get caught up in all of that right now."

"Ya," you say, staring off. Your worries returning back to thoughts of Charlie and the others.

Lucifer read the concern on your face, and placed a hand over yours. You looked up to meet his soft smile.

"It's gonna be ok..." he said with hesitation. "I don't exactly know how it is going to be ok, I would be lying if I said it wasn't nervous... but I trust my daughter... and her friends seem to be good people... outside of Alastor," his glared off to the side at the mentioning of the Radio Demon.

He was right, maybe not all hope was lost, maybe Charlie would figure out something. You smile at the face he made, then looked down at his hand on top of yours. Your face shifted in thought in response to something he had just said, "her friends seem to be good people..." Did he really believe that? Did that visit really change his mind that much? That's not what he had made it sound like the other day. You had forgotten about that comment, and now the reminder left you with a bitter taste.

Lucifer looked over and caught your expression, "What's on your mind?"

You look at him sideways, "Do you really believe that? That her friends are good people?"

"Well... as far as I have seen, why do you say that?" he said with worried confusion.

You look up at him, "I just thought that sinners were all violent psychopaths, hell-bent on causing as much pain a destruction as they can."

Lucifer froze, shit did he really say that the other day to his daughter, in front of you and all of Charlie's friends? Yeesh.

He rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly, "Jeez, I really did say that didn't I?" You gave him a slow judgmental nod. He sighed, "I... I was wrong, I shouldn't have said that... I'm sorry... I realized that I have never really taken the opportunity to actually get to know many sinners, and I've passed a lot of judgement on them the last... 10,000 years. They are not like that... you, are definitely not like that... Honestly, meeting you has made me really confused on the matter of how they decide who ends up here entirely."

Your slight distain turned you curiosity, and you raised an eyebrow, "How so?"

Lucifer took a minute to try and find the words, "Uhh, well... fuck, ok... I guess I just don't understand why you are in hell in the first place. The way you treat people puts people I used to know in Heaven to shame."

You blow a puff of air out your nose in a laugh, "Maybe the way I treat you and hotel people, I'm not like this with everyone, you know?"

"Well ya... but still..." Lucifer held back his next question a moment, he didn't want to say anything to upset you. "Can I ask... um... how you ended up here?"

You prop your head up on your hand and thought, being alive felt so long ago. Lucifer waited nervously for you to answer, but he was pretty sure you didn't look mad at the question.

"You really wanna know?"

He nodded.

"Well... I was the oldest child of drug addict parents, who had no right having any kids, spent much of my life fending for myself and my siblings, my parents would not stop having fucking kids and I was basically the only parent for them. I had to do... whatever I could for them, steal from neighbors, stores, random people's cars, anything to get food and money for my siblings. When I was older, my grandmother got custody of us and it got a lot better, but we struggled a lot mentally and it was hard to shake the old habits. She had to knock some sense into me to stop stealing, but I could never get past the idea of needing to be the parent of the house. I didn't go to school until end of middle school, and when I started it was hard, I skipped school, never finished an education. I wanted to... but I was way too far behind by that point, and with so many kids, grandma couldn't get all of us caught up. I encouraged her to focus on the younger ones. I tried getting a normal job, but I ended up meeting shitty people and I get ended up selling drugs and my body to get by. It wasn't great but it made me money. I had bad and sub-par relationships, nothing great. During my last relationship, I was actually starting to learn about boundaries and shit, feeling like it might actually go somewhere... and then I was killed during a bad drug deal," you looked back at Lucifer casually as you finished your story.

Lucifer looked at you with so much heartbreak in his eyes. No pity, no belittlement, no tears, just sadness. "How are you still so full of kindness then? After all of that?"

You smiled, "Partly cuz I can act, but mostly because... everything stupid, reckless, or "sinful" I ever did... it was for my siblings. I always thought that I would damn myself to hell so that they didn't have to." You shook your head, "I sure did damn myself to hell, but... I don't know how successful I was, my siblings always seemed mad or annoyed with me... but... I just loved them all so much."

Lucifer stood up and wrapped his arms around you as you remained sitting, your head at his chest level. You were taken by surprise, but hugged him back, "What's this for?"

He released you slightly from his hug, and held your face in his hands. "If you gave your siblings even an ounce of the care you have shown me, I know you were successful, and I know they will never forget the sacrifices you made for them."

Your eyes go wide, 'Could it... could it be? Could he be right? Could you have saved them? Saved them from the same pain you endured? Could your actions have changed the course of their lives? Could you have saved them from a fate in hell?' Tears started to form in your eyes. 'No. No. No no no no no. Don't cry, don't cry, don't cry, no crying in front of Lucifer.' You rip your face away from Lucifer's hands and wipe your face before the tears fall.

Lucifer ached to see you tear yourself away and wipe your tears. Until this moment, he had never realized how much of a wall you had up, how much you protected yourself, how much space you gave to him and how little you gave for yourself. He knew the dynamics were weird, this not being a normal friendship and all. Those dynamics were starting to make him so frustrated, he just wanted to hold you every night and tell you how much he cared about you... but things were way too messy now. He had no idea how to untangle this, and emotionally vulnerable conversations did not seem like the best idea right now with everything going on.

"Sorry," you say as you finish wiping your tears, "Thank you, really, I mean it. I'm just... not used to that."

Lucifer smiled, "Well... I hope this can be a good... beginning to that..."

'Nice job Lucifer, fucking nailed it, idiot.' he thought you himself.

You laugh, he laughed with you. Alright, enough of that, time for some tv and snuggles. You also remembered another question you had for Lucifer from you day at the hotel. You asked Lucifer about how he could teleport, and asked if the driver was necessary or if he could just pick you up from your apartment for your evenings together. He didn't know why he hadn't thought about that before, he had been worried about people following the car back to his place, or bothering you, and that would make him feel better. Plus, it would be cool to see your place. You guys made a plan for him to just teleport in to grab you in the future.

______________________________________________________________

The next couple of weeks were a weird mixture of fun and stressful, Lucifer started teleporting in to get you right at your set meeting time and he got to see your place. It was... small, really small, and there wasn't much to it. He made a comment oh how "minimalist" it was, but you just said you didn't need a lot, you weren't used to much, which wasn't completely a lie, but you didn't want to worry him with images of the other girls trying to break into your room.

Outside of that, Lucifer had the added stressors of worrying about Charlie, the hotel, and the upcoming extermination/war with Adam. You would go a visit the hotel crew with him often, but it only seemed to ease his mind while he was there. He started to complain again about struggling a little with sleep, he would fall asleep fine, especially with you there, but he started having nightmares that would wake him up in the middle of the night and would make it hard for him to fall back asleep. You were frustrated that you did not know how to help him with that, but you also knew he could take care of himself. You couldn't fix all of his problems.

You on the other hand... had reached a boiling point with Jethro. He continued to ignoring safe words, become more controlling, manipulative, and aggressive, until one day you had enough. You stopped the scene you were in and told him that he would not stand for his behavior anymore. Jethro did not like this, and you left his house with a black eye, as well as several other bruises across your body, may be even a sprain. You ran back to the Lounge as quickly as you could, trying desperately not to cry in public.

You got into the Lounge and ran up to your room to hide. Luckily, one of the girls you were closer to saw you, and told Larry. Larry texted you, asking what happened and if he could come up to talk to you. You agreed. Larry came up to your room, you opened the door for him to see you in tears, covered in bruises, trying to ice your eye. You told Larry what happened, and he told you he was putting Jethro on your "No Kiss List", banning him from the Lounge, and that he would handle Jethro if he tried coming back in.

You thanked him, he patted your shoulder, and asked if you wanted you clients canceled for the rest of the day. You asked who was left for the day, and the only one left was "Lance". You shook your head, just asking that no walk-ins get scheduled with you between then and now so that you could be ready by "Lance's" appointment. Larry agreed, and left you to your wounds. You had no idea how you were going to pull your yourself together and hide this all from Lucifer by tonight, but you had to try.

You went into the bathroom, ran a bath, played some music, and cried, partly from the pain, partly from fear. You were so in your head from the experience, that you did not do as well keeping track of time. Before long, Lucifer teleported into your room. Lucifer was a little shocked to not see you in your room, but then he heard the music from the bathroom. Oh ok, you must have been just running a little late.

He want to go knock on the door so that he knew you were there and didn't surprise you, but then he heard something else from the bathroom that made him stop. Was that... crying? Was that part of the music or was that you? He waited, the song changed, and the crying continued. That was definitely you. He finally knocked.

You were startled by the sound of the knock, "Uhhh... occupied?"

"It's me darling, I hope I didn't startle you," you heard Lucifer's voice through the door. You picked up your phone and looked at the time. Shit! You quickly got out of the tub.

"Oh! I'm so sorry, uhh... I must have lot track of time. Busy day. Lots of clients. Uhh... I'll be out in a minute!" you say has you hurried to get dressed. Luckily, you had already brought your clothes into the bathroom with you, so Lucifer wouldn't have to see all of the bruises.

"No rush! You take as much time as you need," Lucifer called back, then he went to go take a seat on your couch.

His words made you feel a little better, but you did not want to keep him waiting any longer than you already had. You quickly did what you could to put on makeup to cover up the big bruise around your eye, you could cover the coloring just fine, it was the swelling you were worried about. It had gone down a little, but it might still be noticeable.

Part of you wishes you had canceled on him, but that would have made you sad more than anything else, and it probably would have worried him. That is if he actually cared about you. Errrr... stop that. Lucifer is not like Jethro or the others, he actually does care, at least... to some amount. You just did not want anyone to see you like this, but especially him.

Eventually you finished your makeup and looked at yourself, it would have to be good enough for today. You painted your best sweet smile on your face, and walked out the door.

"All done! Ready to go?" you said cheerful.

"Yup!" Lucifer said, trying to match your cheerful tone, but he was worried. Why had you been crying? Why were you now trying to hide it? Why were you wearing so much make up today? He hadn't seen you wear this much make up since the first few appointments you guys had. He remembered that Charlie once said girls sometimes wear more make up when they were sad because "If you look better, you feel better", so he didn't comment. He just smiled, wrapped an arm around you, and teleported you both back to his place.

You were already more relieved to be back at his place, the stress of the day still held tightly to you, but it was better here. You swung your arms around Lucifer, enveloping him in a hug. Lucifer held you back tightly, softly but firmly. He was so comforting and soft, you wanted to live in that embrace.

He didn't know what was making you so sad that day, but he wanted to do everything to make you feel better. He had your favorite dinner and dessert made, grabbed you your favorite blanket for when you guys would cuddle on the couch and watch tv later, and he was going to find that tv last that you said you used to like to watch sometimes when you were alive, "The Office."

At one point, during desert, Lucifer looked over at you and saw a strand of hair flop down front of your face. He reached over to tuck it behind your ear, but because of the angle, you didn't see his hand until it was almost near your swollen eye. You flinched and practically jumped out of your chair, shouting "No!" and covering you eye with you hand, the other was wide with panic.

Lucifer flinched his hand back, and stayed still. What was that about? You had never reacted like that before.

"Darling, is everything alright? I didn't mean to startle you," he said softly, worry painting his face.

You realize you had misunderstood what he had been trying to do and panicked, 'Shit! Shit, shit, shit!' You couldn't tell what was the greater emotion in that moment, the shame of reacting to Lucifer, or the fact that the emotions from earlier where about to bubble up again. 'Do I try to push it down? Do I run for the bathroom? Shit. There is no hiding it, is there? He is going to find out about it now.'

You start to sit back down, still covering your eye, "I, uhh... I'm sorry... I don't... I didn't mean to yell at you like-"

"(y/n)" Lucifer said firmly, you look at him with your uncovered eye, tears starting to fill up the edge of your vision, "Please. Please tell me what's wrong. Why are you covering your eye? What made you jump so hard?"

You start to breathe heavily, "Are you sure you want to know?" you say with tears in your voice.

"Yes, my darling, I do. More than anything," Lucifer said, standing up slowly to come closer to you.

You look down, breathe, and lower you hand. Now that he was looking right at your eye, he could see how swollen it was under all of the make up.

"Is that... a black eye?" he said panicked. You nodded. He started to put some context clues together.

"Someone did this to you?" he asked, a little more sternness in his voice. You nodded again, the tears were starting to fall. "Someone from the Lounge?"

You nodded, "A client," you whispered.

"Did he do anything else?" he asked, trying to hold back the growing anger in his voice. You nodded. "Can you show me?" You froze, looking down, more tears falling, "Please don't be mad at me, I didn't want you to know, this shouldn't be something you worry about-"

"Darling," he says cutting you off again, "I am not mad at you, I am however mad at the sick fuck that did this to you. And I will worry about you, because I want to. Do you understand me?" You were not used to hearing him talk like this, it was scary, but in a comforting way. His words were growing in anger, but you understood it was not at you, it was for you.

You look up at him to see that his eyes had changed color, basically inverted, black slitted pupils now surrounded by golden irises and deep blood red sclera. They were terrifying and beautiful at the same time. You nodded, finally answering his question, and you started to take off your sweater. Lucifer saw your arms and torso littered with different sizes of bruises and deep bite marks. At the sight of them, horns grew out from his temples and a tail lashed out from his back. Again, he looked scarier, but for some reason, you were not afraid. You actually felt... safe? You had never seen someone so mad for you before.

Lucifer gently and slowly reached out for your arm, trying to make sure not to scare you further. "Is it like this on your legs too?" You nodded. You were about to ask if he needed to see them, when he pulled you into a tight hug. You were confused, but welcomed it. His hugs were always nice but this one felt, even better? All of your bruises and bites started to feel, lighter, and then the pain was gone. Lucifer released from your hug, and you looked down to see all of your marks were gone.

'He could heal too?! Fuck, is there anything he can't do?'

"Better?" he asked. You nodded. "Good, now. I'm gonna need a name and location. Now." he paused, "please."

You hesitated, you weren't supposed to tell anyone who you had been meeting with. But... he had not specifically asked for digression, and he was banned from the Lounge, and it would probably save Larry and the girls some trouble, and... fuck it, it was hell! Who cared!

"What are you going to do to him?" you asked. He smirked with a wicked smile, carefully reached out to softly hold your chin, and with a demonic resonance to his voice, he whispered, "Why darling, I'm going to make him suffer in a way that this realm has not tortured and tormented a soul in EONS, I am going to rip him his own dimension of time and space where he will be able to experience his body being ripped apart, piece by piece, and put back together, over and over again, for the rest of eternity."

You had no idea how to picture that and you didn't care... it was terrifying, but Lucifer's power was fucking HOT.

"Uhh... Jethro Hanson. Big house out in Pentagram city, near the inner city, very bright red, can't miss it," you spit out. He smiles, unfurls his six, big, beautiful wings from his back, gives you a soft kiss on the hand and says, "I'll be right back," before opening a portal above him and flying into it. It closes behind you and leaves you alone, in the dining room.

Your heart was racing, there were too many feelings swirling inside your mind, joy, sadness, rage, fear... lust. God, his full demon form was hot, what the hell? After a few minutes, the adrenaline wore off, and you found yourself on the couch starting to cry again, but this time... it felt GOOD. These tears were cathartic like nothing you had ever felt before, a hard, powerful cry.

After about 15-20 minutes, Lucifer reappeared, the same as he looked when he had left, just wiping his hands on themself after a job well done, as you would after a job well done. Lucifer heard your cries and ran to you, getting in his knees in front of you on the couch and cocooning you in his wings.

"Darling, what's the matter? I'm so sorry, did I scare you?" he said with words full of worry.

You shook your head, smiling and pressing your forehead to his, "No. Not at all. I'm just... I'm good. Really. I'm just not used to... feeling cared about, and... protected..." You choke out, before continuing to sob.

'Shit, shit, ok, what do I do?' he thought to himself. Then he remembered. He retracted his horns and tail, set his eyes back to their normal color, picked you up, laid down on the couch, and positioned you to lay on top of him, your head on his chest, wings wrapped around you. As you laid there, he rubbed your back as you continued to cry. "And as long as I am here, you will never have to know life without that, ever again," he said softly, so softly that you couldn't make it out over the sound of your own sobs.

Slowly, your tears started get get quieter, and your breathing started to slow. As Lucifer laid there with you on his chest, he started to card his fingers through you hair. What a dream you were to him, he had be so cared for by you, and now he was able to give that care back to you. That was honestly all he had wanted, was to have someone to be cared by and for. To have... someone to love.

Love?

Love.

'Oh my god... do I love her?' he thought at he looked down at your soft face. Studying the features of your face as you laid on his chest with this new idea, everything suddenly made sense. The nervousness, the desire for closeness, the way you lit up his world, the way your smile would wash his cares away.

He loved you.

That was about to make everything wayyyy more complicated.

______________________________________________________________

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[mymomhatesmyguts]

Budweiser (connor murphy x fem!reader)

Scenario: You're one of Connor's best friends- his only friend, in fact. You snuck through his window as you do every Friday, only to find him drunk and sobbing.

A/N: i wrote this in 2nd person but is 1st person preferred? idk, its my first time writing fanfics on tumblr :)

"Con..." You say, gently reaching out to touch his shoulder, to offer some sense of relief, even though you can tell he's far beyond hugging it out at this point.

"No, just-" He cuts himself off with a drunken hiccup as tears roll down his face. "Just leave me alone." He buries his head in his hands, his back shaking with sobs. You wish you could take him in your arms, kiss his pretty face until he stops crying, but you're just friends. Thats all. Thats all you'll ever be.

"Connor, please? Tell me what's wrong?" You coo, your voice soft enough to mirror the voice of a mother speaking to her child. He just shakes his head, flinching slightly as you rub his back gently. "Connor..." You coax, finally getting him to look up at you with his reddened, tear filled eyes.

"You don't love me." He says with a sniffle before bursting into sobs once more.

"I... what? Of course I love you." You say, almost incredulous. And it's true, of course it's true. You love him more than a dog loves his master, crave him more than a flower craves the sun, need him as much as a starving man needs a warm meal. But how can you tell your best friend that when he's drunk and sobbing on his creaky mattress at one in the morning?

"No!" He says, suddenly raising his voice as he stands up abruptly. "No, no, no, you don't love me the way I love you!" The tears roll of his cheeks like raindrops in a thunderstorm. He hiccups dryly, slurring his speech as he continues. "I... I want to kiss you and I want... I want you to be my girlfriend-"

"Connor, you're drunk." You cut him off, almost numb with shock.

"But that doesn't mean my feelings arent real!" He says, shouting now, without any regard for his sleeping sister and parents.

"Con..." Your voice is soft again, kind, the honey-sweet voice he's come to crave every night. "Believe me. If you were sober I would... I would kiss you right now, but you're drunk. I don't want this to be a drunken regret, and I don't want to take advantage of you." You say sternly, but not unkindly. Connor sinks to the bed, smiling goofily now.

"Yeah?" He says, grinning ear-to-ear like a fool. He giggles, then hiccups again, which makes you laugh and then you're both laughing and trying to shush each other at the same time, for fear of awaking Zoe, or worse- Cynthia and Larry.

"Yeah." You whisper, smiling at his dumb grin as you stand, dusting off your jeans. "Text me in the morning if you still feel the same when you're sober, yeah?"

"M'kay. G'night.." He slurs, falling backwards onto his bed.

"Sweet dreams," You whisper as you slide open the window, but as you turn back to check on him one last time, he's already snoring into his tear-stained pillow.

A/N: AAAHHHH i'm scared this is really bad but whatever ig?? i looooove connor sm i think we should actually get married. feedback in comments pls? 🥺🥺

[louthesawgirl]

What each Saw character would get as a Tesco meal deal (scientifically accurate)

Hello everyone, I decided as my debut long Saw shitpost, I thought I would decide what meal deals different Saw characters would opt for if they stumbled into a Tesco and were a bit peckish after setting up a few traps.

If you’re not from the U.K. or Ireland and are not familiar with the British & Irish institutions of a meal deal, it’s basically a packaged sandwich, pasta pot, salad, bit of sushi maybe alongside a snack item and a drink for a fixed price (it used to be around £3/ €4 but the shops are taking the piss now). Meal deals are considered a treasured institution here and are an indication of your personality. People judge your character based on what you get between two slices of cheap bread.

Here’s what different Saw characters would get for a Tesco meal deal:

Adam (Faulkner) Stanheight

1. Southern fried chicken chipotle mayo sub

2. Doritos cheese flavour

3. Vimto still drink

Judging on how we know Adam is quite an unorganised adult struggling to adult most days, I would assume he opts for high energy foods to keep his tastebuds happy. Cheese, spiced chicken and fruity drinks seem up his street. Plus, Vimto is a very Mancunian thing and if Saw was set in the U.K., there’s no way Adam would not be from Manchester.

Dr Lawrence (Larry) Gordon

1. Eat Your Greens Feta Salad

2. Apple & Grape snack pot

3. Chilled Iced Latte

I feel like because Larry is a doctor, he prioritises convenience but also eats healthily. I also imagine him to be meat free/ vegetarian so that explains the feta & greens salad (I don’t think he’d be vegan though, he seems like he loves proper cheese too much). Larry seems like he’d always be carrying breath mints or tictacs to minimise the cheese or coffee breath- nobody needs a waft of that when being told they’ve got 6 months left to live.

Amanda Young

1. BLT sandwich

2. Walkers Thai Sweet Chilli Sensations Crisps

3. Monster Energy drink (chosen based on packaging colours to match mood)

Amanda is a busy lady planning traps and building contraptions designed to almost certainly kill people. She seems like she enjoys a bit of spice along with classic comfort combinations.

John Kramer

- Chicken & bacon sandwich

- Egg snack pot

- Green smoothie

John seems like he’s mindful of what he puts into his body considering he’s consistently a salt & vinegar crisp away from death with the cancer and all. He’s also a very smart man so he would know the best value for money combination with a meal deal is getting an overpriced fruit smoothie for a drink.

Mark Hoffman

- All Day Breakfast sandwich (triple)

- Walkers Max Salt & Vinegar crisps

- Red Bull

Mark seems like he can’t get enough of bacon & sausage, even though it’s cold and not exactly very fresh. Maybe he’d even have a bit of HP brown sauce with it. Mark would also probably make immature jibes towards vegans and vegetarians because he’s that kind of man. Considering Mark works overtime setting up traps and evading capture, all he’d be drinking by the events of Saw 7 would be energy drinks.

Jill Tuck

- Egg & Cress sandwich

- Arla strawberry protein yogurt

- Bottle of water

Jill is a bit… bland. I’m sorry but I just have to say it. Egg & cress perfectly summarises Jill’s personality as seen in movies 4-7 between two pieces of bread.

Peter Strahm

- Deli style cheese & pickle sandwich

- Smoked salmon sushi pack

- Pepsi Max

Strahm made some good decisions, some regrettable ones and one very very dumb decision during his time in the Saw universe. Just like his track record with making poor decisions, I’d guess Peter would get some supermarket sushi as a snack with his meal deal- not very fresh nor authentic and will leave you wondering why you couldn’t have got a pack of reliable crisps or a chocolate bar instead.

Lindsey Perez

- Feta & sundried tomato pasta

- Propercorn sweet & salty popcorn

- Fanta orange

Perez is a great character and so she would get a meal deal to reflect that. Why do I also imagine Lindsey being veggie?

Eric Matthews

- Meatball marinara sub

- Walkers Monster Munch Pickled Onion crisps

- Red Bull

I feel like this choice accurately reflects Eric. It’s a combination that’s maybe reflective of an immature palette, maybe even a sort of guilty pleasure combination. I wonder if he’d put the monster munch hands (or feet) on his fingers and eat them like that.

Hope you enjoyed my incredibly British saw shitpost x

[volatilesubstances]

A bit of an overview of chaos's centre of the universe aka the signal trio

Phoenix does not go looking for trouble, however trouble has been chasing him like the guard from subway surfers his entire life. He just kind of rolls with it at this point.

Larry unintentionally stumbles blindly into trouble at every turn, primarily because he's a dumbass. He also tends to unintentionally stumble blindly into the solutions for other people's troubles, just not his own.

Miles runs headfirst into trouble at every opportunity and just happens to be very, very good at talking his way out of it afterwards. How he hasn't ended up either in prison or dead is 50% autistic rizz and 50% dumb luck.

[childofsardior]

IT'S TIME FOR SOME MORTON HEADCANONS FROM MY PERSONAL HC/AU!

↓↓↓ Read it all below! ↓↓↓

General Info:

Full name: Morton Koopa Jr. He was called simply “Morton” before being adopted by Lord Bowser, at the age of 5. The Koopa King, who had only heard about his own father at the time, (“the Magnificent Emperor of all the Koopas”) recalled some rumors about him being conveniently affected by melanism and called Morton, just like his new son. So the King, who has always loved pretending that the kids were his own, put there the “Jr” in Morton’s ID to feign a continuity in the family, even if everyone always forgets about it. Too bad the Emperor’s actual name happens to be “Mortimer” (Bowser won’t be pleased when he’ll find out).

Gender and pronouns: He is probably a cis man. Pronouns are he/him, mostly because he’s used to them and fit him well. If he questioned himself a bit more than he does nowdays, he could even come up with the realization that “It/They” could work as secondary pronouns. But the truth is: he doesn’t really care. Feels good in his body and how other people see him? That’s enough.

Sexuality: Nobody knows for sure. Morton doesn’t think about it much - he never had a crush or some interests in other Koopas or people in general, but he’s totally chill with it. His siblings, though, are always theorizing about his tastes even if Morton literally doesn’t care at the moment. Iggy, for example, claims that Morton’s apparent lack of attraction to anyone is easily fitting under the aro/ace umbrella. Roy claims that Morton is probably just a het guy that still has to “wake up from his childhood”. Wendy thinks her brother is just a bit shy and will find out eventually. Lemmy tries to defend Morton, reminding everyone that it is none of their business to label their dark scaled brother.

Age: He’s currently 14 and a half (in “canonical” years). In Royal Koopa age, comparing their development to Humans and such, he’s like a 16-years-old. But Morton’s specific development is quite peculiar. Physically speaking, he is way bigger than the average Tarrasquin of his age - in fact, he’s slowly getting bigger than Roy himself; the castle doctors can’t understand why he is so big - yet healthy and all. Iggy theorizes about the fact that Morton is the only one that follows a perfectly balanced diet for a dragon-turtle, with vegetables and fruits along with meat, but Roy jokes that if it was only for the greens, Morton would look like a cauliflower by now. On the other hand, Morton seems to have some kind of development issue, specifically considering his unrefined speaking. Roy and Larry would occasionally call him “dumb guy” or even “stupid” when angry at him, but Morton is actually one of the wisest of the family, and both Iggy and Ludwig agree that Morton can prove everyone to be quite sharp and smart in many situations.

Species: Tarrasquin (also known as "Royal Koopas" or "Dragon-Turtles") - that happens to be a powerful and rare species related both to Koopas and Dragons. The lack of horns at a young age and the number of spikes on the shell may point to the subspecies known as Plains/Field Tarrasquin, while some other details could suggest a "mix" with the Vulcanic bloodline. In addition, all the Koopalings seem to share an innate inclination toward magic and some other unusual details never found before in Tarrasquins, such as tail feathers or natural armors protecting the limbs, along with peculiar tiny gem-like scales scattered around their bodies in different patterns.

Physical appearance: He suffers from a partial melanism that made his scales darker than usual. His head/shoulder skin is white, with some gray details - noticeably, a big star-shaped birthmark on his left eye. He shaves most of his head, leaving only some thin black hair on the top. His eyes are dark gray-blue, and he has got a “quartet-straight upper and lateral” Royal Fangs pattern at the moment. His shell is a deep gray-brown color, almost black, with spikes that are getting golden on the top as he grows up. On his body, some bigger and darker plaque-like scales cover his arm, legs and tail like natural armor; his crocodile-like tail is big and strong and can be used in battles to deflect attacks.

Personality: Morton looks and acts like he is not very smart. He tends to talk in third person, is usually very stoic with his facial expression and looking at him in the eyes may suggest that not a single thought is running in that big head. Most people that he meets will probably think about him like a rough and very simple Koopa. But in reality, Morton is just a chill dude that doesn't talk much, this partially because he can’t speak very well (the reason isn’t clear; the royal doctors ipothized during the years about some speech development issue or maybe some trauma-related consequence that could have happened when he was very young). In everyday life Morton is usually an obedient young brother and a (sort of) responsable big brother - he is very patient with Larry and Junior, and probably the only one that will happily volunteer to spend hours with the two, especially with the Prince, without going mad at the end of the day. During missions, though, his soldier side comes out and he becomes much more serious and aggressive, especially with the Crown's enemies. If he's working along with his siblings during a conquest, Morton's innate protective nature will mix with his on-duty mode creating a very dangerous opponent, especially if the enemies try to hurt Junior or Larry. Morton also got a very big heart under the shell, even if he rarely show emotions - but he does “have feelings too”, believe me. He is usually the one that gives the most useful gifts at birthdays, and the one that finds the most straightorward-yet-wise solutions when in trouble. In the end, Morton's indifference towards insults and such beats even Ludwig's deafness against other people's opinions and Iggy's total inability to acknowledge jokes about him. Morton will only listen to critiques from his superiors, as Junior or Bowser, and rarely from his other siblings, and only when he is convinced he actually did make some mistakes. Hobbies and passions: For a long time Morton’s siblings claimed he actually had no real passions nor hobbies - he would just come over and help the others whatever they were doing, if asked. But they were wrong. Sure, Morton does enjoy helping or playing with his sibs, and will probably never say “no” if one of them ask him for help or company, but he actually has some hobbies on his own. Since childhood, for example, Morton has been fascinated by rocks - cool rocks, shiny rocks, perfectly-shaped stones and so on - and he actually started a collection for fun when he was little. Growing older, Morton started to actually *learn* about the rocks he was collecting, finding an interest in geology and later in ancient architecture, too. He his fascinated by ancient buildings, especially from distant cultures, and this curiosity actually inspired him to learn some theory about building and construction on one hand - and his family knows about it, since Morton was chosen as a Royal guest to co-lead some of the Super Kart Games’ courses projects - and to learn ancient languages on the other hand - but almost nobody seems to know this. In recent years he also found out he likes to cook… or at least, he likes to try it. He’s still a bit insecure and his fear of burning himself with the grill or the oven will usually lead to a overcooked meal, but he is really trying his best to impress Junior most of all. Morton also likes ducks, a lot. He started buying duck-related accessories for his outfits, rubber ducks of all sizes and also some duck plushies since the day he saw real ducks for the first time during a mission - a duck mom with her ducklings swimming peacefully in a crystalline lake near the Rock-Candy Mines. He now wishes to have a pet duck someday.

Relationships:

With his siblings: Morton is protective by nature, and him being giant mixes well with it. Even since he was quite young, he has always tried to help taking care and watching over the others - even to the point of snitching on them if needed when they were doing dangerous stuff. He can now literally work as a walking wall and deflect powerful attacks with his own body, but also making company and - mostly silently - support to his sibs in a “I-am-here-if-you-need-but-won’t-talk-if-you-don’t-ask-me-first” kind of way.

Now, for each relationship with the siblings:

Ludwig: Ludwig likes to boss him around, knowing Morton will likely follow his orders. Morton does it, but only because he’s firmly convinced that Ludwig is a good leader for the bunch. The two don’t spend much time together otherwise, but Morton is the only one that volunteers to listen to Ludwig WIPs or rough pieces from time to time, even if Ludwig will spend the whole day trying and editing and re-trying the same piece.

Lemmy: Lemmy and Morton have a chill relationship. Lemmy knows that if he wants to hug someone for no reason, Morton will always be happy to be the target. When fighting together against some enemies, Lemmy tends to jump over Morton’s big shell when fighting melee, creating a funny duo of the biggest and the smallest of the family. Morton allows Lemmy to ride his shoulders too from time to time, when the latter is tired from his trainings and all.

Roy: Roy is sort of trying to maintain a sort of rivalry between the two… without much success. Roy knows he can play rough with Morton without hurting him, and they do often train together - but Morton is also the one defending the others from Roy’s occasional bullying or critiques, details that bothers the pink one a bit.

Iggy: Morton and Iggy spend quite a lot of time together, especially during hikings in the Dark Lands looking for plants, animals and minerals, or when Iggy needs a silent company while working on a project. Iggy is also the one taking notes on Morton’s progress with speech and grammar, usually offering his time to “teach big ol’ Morton some new conjunctions!”, and also noting all the smart ideas the dark-scaled brother comes up with, ready to use them to defend him in front of the others.

Wendy: The two don’t interact very much, but Wendy, like Ludwig, bosses him around from time to time, mostly for muscle work - especially if she wasn’t able to convince Roy. Morton is the one that usually carries all her luggages when traveling, the one that helps her while redecorating her bedroom with new furniture and that offers to carry her shopping bags - but he will do it without needing much effort. She will sometimes bring Morton with her during her beauty-days-out in return for all his favors.

Larry: Larry is one of the two brothers Morton feels like his own responsibility. He will watch over him during missions and will try to keep him safe - even if Larry is now capable of doing this himself. Larry often complains about Morton's “baby-sitting” thing claiming that there is only 1 year of difference between the two, but Morton won't listen. Larry is hyperactive, clumsy and most of all, younger than Morton? Then Morton will continue watching over him like a good big brother. They also often spend time together playing games, along with Junior and sometimes Iggy, too.

Bowser Junior: Morton and Junior are best pals. Junior considers the dark-scaled brother his “buddy” and will choose him over the others for everything they have to do together, from playing to go on missions to go on trips and so on. Morton will do his best to protect the little Prince during quests and to keep him happy in general - he even started to cook thinking about Junior's always-demanding belly. Morton is also the only one that can resist the Heir's brattiness at its full power, with an infinite patience that even Ludwig envies.

* * *

With King Bowser: Morton is the only one that calls Bowser “KING DAD” or “ROYAL DAD” in the family. He mostly treats Bowser as his superior rather than as a father, with a soldier-like attitude when reporting to him, but he actually acknowledges him as his adoptive parent. Bowser is aware of Morton’s loyalty and strength, and will likely send him in difficult missions knowing he won’t get hurt, even if he’s one of the youngest.

With his mother (OC): They had a good relationship. Morton was the most obedient and less chaotic kid of the whole bunch, and their mother was actually grateful for that. He always wanted to help and was the one that snitched on his siblings when they did things they should not, always angering them for this. With the Mario Bros., Princess Peach and Mushroom Kingdom: Morton can be soft as bread with his friends but dangerous as heck with his enemies. Since the Mario Bros. are enemies to the Dark Lands Crown, Morton will fight them with all his resources when on his way. During truces, though, Morton will mostly be neutral around them - for example, during the Super Kart official competitions in the Mushroom Kingdom. Morton is instead quite nice and kind - in his own way - with the Princess, never treating her badly and actively asking her to bake stuff together when she happens to be a “guest” at the castle. Least but not last, Morton will lead attacks to the Kingdom’s borders when ordered, but he normally doesn’t really care about it.

Peculiarities & co.

Left handed: Just like his youngest brother, Morton is naturally left handed. He trained himself to use his right hand as swell while fighting with melee weapons, to be as versatile as possible. 

Speech: Morton seems to have a hard time talking. He often talks without conjunctions or with evident grammar errors, and refers to himself in third person. He is also very loud when he talks, usually scaring smaller creatures (Lemmy included) when he starts to speak out of the blue. His writing is very concise but usually more refined than his speech (even if he still uses the third person). Roy often jokes that Morton is just faking it and is only trying to build up a characteristic character for himself, while Larry thinks Morton’s a genius because he’s the one spending less energy talking like that. Oddly enough, if Morton is reading aloud an ancient poetry or translating an ancient language on the spot, he will talk perfectly and with the right intonation. Body quirks and special abilities: Partial melanism aside, Morton’s body is a mystery. He is way bigger than the average Royal Koopa of his age and gender, but also strong and resilient as a rock. He has darker plaque-like scales protecting his arms, legs and tail, which mixed with his Tarrasquin’s impenetrable shell makes Morton a sort of walking tank. He can resist most types of non-magical attacks and injuries, and he actually heals quite rapidly. His health is exceptional and the palace doctors don’t recall him having ever been ill. For some unknown reasons, his stomach seems capable of digesting almost anything, while being resistant to toxins and poison. Lethal doses for any other creature would leave Morton just sick for a while.

Random Facts:

He didn’t talk in caps-lock when he was a hatchling, probably because he was too tiny and his voice wasn’t strong enough.

Legends even say there was an ancient time in which Morton was very small and talked normally, and A LOT. Nobody knows if this is true.

He has a super refined handwriting. Ludwig envies it.

He’s actually the only one in the family, Bowser included, that follows an actual balanced diet for a Tarrasquin: he eats all the meat that the species normally need, but also a good amount of fruits and vegetables. He will eat fish and seafood in general, and any kind of sweet from time to time. He is the opposite of a picky eater.

His siblings often give him the food they don’t want. Most of it is veggies. Morton will eat it all without question.

Morton is the only one Junior will genuinely listen to: he’s concise and will just say what he has to say. Junior appreciates that.

Junior will often ask for Morton to play together with LEGO-Laz (or whatever LEGO-like brand they have in SM world lel) since Morton’s skill in creating whole scenes with it is unbeaten in the whole castle. He will sometimes spend an entire night fitting the pieces together. And if they need to dismantle some pieces, Morton will do with a single punch.

They say he can break a rock with a punch. They do not know he can also break rocks with headbutts.

In reality, the Super Kart organizators asked him for help during construction because of this - he could destroy small but hard rock with great precision and low effort. But then they actually discovered Morton’s passion about the whole building thing, and let him co-lead the constructions along with the demolitions.

To Bowser’s relief, Morton actually shares the name with a great-grandfather from the King’s bloodline. The “Jr” thing will still make sense… kind of.

When he’ll grow older, he’ll let grow a short sort-of-a-mullet of black hair. Nobody in the family will like that.

Once Morton is asleep, you *can't* really wake him up on purpose. You can try, of course, but legends says he won't wake up neither under a Bob-Omb shower - not until he is rested enough.

When he was in the egg, there was a white star-shaped mark on his egg as well. Same thing for Larry.

Both his egg and Larry's were from the same clutch, but for unknown reasons Morton hatched over 1 year before Larry. Dragon eggs behave strangely from time to time...

[akuma74]

Since I saw many people complaining about Ace Attorney name change or something and that I have way too much time on my hand I present you:

Me showing you the name change in the french version and then re-translating them back to english so you can see the difference in word-play, edition 1 on the first game.

(All characters that are not mentionned are the one who don't have a name change or those that I don't care enough to remember their existence and even less their names, so don't ask me about them)

Now let's get started:

Main:

Miles Edgeworth: Benjamin Hunter, no wordplay here they just changed his name so he wouldn't be too hard to pronounce and remember for french kids. I hate it and love it at the same time.

Dick Gumshoe: Dick Tektiv, wordplay on "détective" which is kind of work but also not since in french this word is almost exclusively use for private detective, not cops.

First Turnabout:

Larry Butz: Paul Defès, wordplay with "poil de fesse" litterally "butt's hair", appropriate and that guy doesn't deserve a better name.

Winston Payne: Victor Boulay, play on "boulet" which is use to describe someone that is so bad and who screw up so much that they're a burden. Kind of like it better than the english one tbh

Frank Sahwit: Frank Khavu, play on "qu'à vu" litterally "saw it".

Second Turnabout:

Marvin Grossberg: Samuel Rosenberg, apparently no word play or joke here. But some people think that giving a name of jewish origin specifically to the corrupt lawyer may be based on anti-semitic stereotype.

April May: Marsha Vrill, play on "Mars-Avril" litterally "March-April".

Third Turnabout:

Wendy Oldbag: Flavie Eïchouette, play on "vieille chouette" a pejorative way to call an older woman which litterally mean "old owl".

Will Powers: Gustavo Lonté, play on "volonté" which is just "will", boring.

Cody Hackins: Kevin Miron, the joke is the name Kevin that's it. But to be more precise at the time the first game was released in France "Kevin" was internet slang who was kind of an insult toward kids spending way too much time online or others immature people lurking in the internet.

Fourth Turnabout:

Lotta Hart: Eva Cozésouci, play on "elle va causer des soucis" meaning "she is going to be trouble", which I find kind of more appropriate. Also not name related but they changed her "southern country accents" by a "Marseille accent" a southern french city whose accent is often mocked. Find it funny that If they're is one thing 'Murican and French share is their love of making fun of southern accents.

Fifth Turnabout:

Mike Meekins: Bill Ballaud, play on "ballot" which mean someone dumb and quite clumsy

Damon Gaunt, Jake Marshall and Angel Starr: useless name change that annoy me, in order: Damien, Alex and Angélique.

Also bonus the blue badger become "le lutin bleu" which in english is something along the line of "blue elf".

I let you decide if this is better or worse...

and if I do that for the rest of the games.

[alaskan-wallflower]

Do you have Steve and sodapop hcs, either platonic or romantic

I’m not much of a shipper so I’ll go with platonic haha

I ride HEAVY on the “childhood friends” headcanon

Like I feel like Steve was just a really angry child (as per his fathers abuse) but like…Soda didn’t see Steve’s anger and aggression, all he saw was a new friend opportunity

He was the only one in his whole first grade class who would even go NEAR Steve

Steve handed out invitations to go to his birthday party in like first grade and nobody showed up EXCEPT for Soda

Soda’s parents got a phone call praising him and that’s the proudest they’d ever been of him

Soda would always find a way to include Steve into any and all activities that he did

Slowly but surely Steve stopped being so angry

By middle school Steve actually gets somewhat into his own skin because he knows he has a safe haven with Soda and the Curtises

Steve never lets Soda over at his house and one time when Soda managed to coax Steve into wlalijng him home he cried upon seeing the state of his house and father (who was yelling at Steve from the lawn)

The two of them do all that “boys will be boys” shit like driving around super fast and seeing who can eat the most-dumb shit like that

Not really Stevepop but Steve doesn’t actually hate Ponyboy-he’s just really awkward around people younger than him and anger is the one default he goes to(also he doesn’t wanna share his Soda Time ���)

His love language is gift giving though (learned behavior from his father bribing him)

Soda is a physical touch kind of guy

Y’know that one audio “this is Bob. Bob loves his personal space. This is Larry. Larry also loves Bob’s personal space”? Yeah, that’s them

They cuddle a lot because Soda’s just such a physical guy

Steve was actually so pissed that Sandy left him that he wanted to go find and hunt her down but Soda held him back

Steve is VERY overprotective of Soda like one time a customer at the DX got mad because Soda was taking too long counting up change and asked if he was “stupid or something” and Steve absolutely snapped and went a bit off the rails

Soda has dyslexia and Steve helps him read stuff

Soda also had ADHD and Steve helps him get back on track

(Soda’s technically a demigod by PJO standards LOL)

But their friendship is very awesome and I love it 😭🫶🏻

[temfling]

DELTARUNE: MOTU PATLU THEORY

THATS RIGHT BABY!! IM BACK WITH THE THEORIES!! I couldn’t just stop at chapter… I dunno six! Yeah, I may have solved the Susies Inside chapter, but what about Chapter 3?? Well I got news for you guys…

Motu. And Patlu. Never heard of them? What are you, living under a rock or something… well… it’s a Hindi cartoon that’s really popular overseas… but wait. That’s the POINT! Your not SUPPOSED to know it… because it’s discarded…

So Every secret boss so far has a habit of being a darkner based on discarded/Forgotten/Unwanted items… well. How many people in the states know this cartoon? Not very many,,, even though it’s great… so could Motu and Patlu be what the next secret boss is based off of? Let’s see gamers…

EVIDENCE ONE: BIG GUY SKINNY GUY

Comedy duos, you know them, you love them. Woody, Buzz. Mario, Luigi. Bob, Larry. But what does this have to do with Motu and Patlu… erm guys… notice anything about most of them?! Mario, Buzz, Bob, and Motu: bulky big guys. Luigi, Larry, Woody, and Patlu: tall, thin guys… oh my goodness!! Motu and patlu ALSO fit that theme… “But how does this fit in with Deltarune chapter 3?!” Your asking… oh my gosh guys this is too easy!!

erm… Sans and Papyrus, the most iconic comedy duo next to none, is also bulky and thin. Guys?? Notice anything?? I think THIS proves that they’ll use blue soul… and that they’ll be cannon!! But need more proof?? SAY NO MORE:

On the left is Sans and Papyrus’s House, and on the right is Motu and Palau’s. Notice the similarity’s?? I do…

Maybe the Motu and Patlu secret boss could be a duo, and make fun of the whole trope of smart guy who does all the work and lazy dumb guy… hrm…

EVIDENCE TWO: CHARACTER SIMILARITIES!

Okay so we already talked about how Sans and Motu and Papyrus and Patlu are BASICALLY the same guy, but if your STILL not convinced, I got more…

Rook. Mike. Whatever there gonna be, the main boss of Chapter 3 seems to be a cheater, a criminal of sorts… well… hehee… you know who ELSE is a criminal?? JHON THE DON. That’s RIGHT. The TRUE and NEO villain of Motu and Patlu, who’s the son of motu and patlu’s town. He’s always causing trouble with his lackeys around… could this mean that chapter 3’s main boss is based on the Villian of Motu and Patlu, while the secret boss is the good guys…?! No… no… erm… YES! It’s kind of OBVIOUS??

My theory is the main boss is gonna be Mike, now dubbed “The Don.” He must’ve not only backstabbed Soamton, but the chapter three secret boss… and Tenna will be… I dunno… probably his own character.

Anyways, Gaster. “Gaster? This crazy guy who does bad things?” You may be asking what GASTER has to do with this theory… heh… well, gaster in undertale was the Royal Scientist, right? Well… erm… somebody pull up Motu Patlu Wiki!

He’s a SCIENTIST… who doesn’t treat his PATIENTS well… sounds familiar…

Dr. Jhakta also uses Motu and Patlu as Guinea Pigs for his work. Gaster uses darkners and does stuff that’s evil… or whatever. I think. I dunno BUT THE POINT IS GASTER MUST'VE LIKE EXPERIMENTED ON THE SECRET BOSS WHICH CAUSED THEM TO GO INSANE!! Erm…!!! Yes!!

FINAL PART: WHAT OBJECT ARE THEY

So at first I thought they could be like a bootleg DVD or whatever. But wait guys… remember where the chapters dark world is…

And then think about what Motu is known for. Dumb… lazy… but also, when he eats his favorite FOOD he gets super STRONG… wait. FOOD?! Guys what’s in houses? Kitchens… guys… what’s motus favorite food…??

SAMOSAS. THE DISCARDED OBJECT IS LIKE FROZEN SAMOSAS IN THE FRIDGE OR SOMETHING!!!

and if your STILL. Not. convinced… here’s some stuff

Yeah yeah yeah bye

[twopoppies]

Louis' 'shading' of Harry just doesn't work at all and imo makes him come across as kind of bitter and miserable to the GP. His comment about how he could never sing an alternative version of WMYB felt like shade to me...like obviously he knows Harry does that and he wouldn't 'shade' the others like that imo, except for maybe Zayn. I am confused at what Louis is trying to achieve generally, like when he 'shades' Harry, it feels to me like he's almost trying to push forward that old narrative that Harry and Louis couldn't stand each other by the end of the band etc. I just feel like they've all moved past from all of that - even Zayn isn't 'shading' 1d anymore and is very positive about the boys now. I know Harry is very private and doesn't talk about One Direction much at all, but imo he doesn't come across as bitter about any of the other bandmembers and also doesn't perpetuate the idea that he and Louis hated each other's guts. It feels like Louis has gone back to like 2015 or 2016 weirdly with his approaches. It's confusing. It's not that I think he actually hates Harry; I'm still a larrie. But it's really been putting me off lately and honestly I wish he'd just take a chapter out of Harry's book in terms of reacting to all of this.

I think people have really misconstrued the comment about WMYB because the initial info that was going around the fandom was a quote about the song being cheesy etc. And it rubbed people the wrong way.

But when the video was released it was clear he wasn’t being shady. He was just talking about himself and that he didn’t think he could make that sound work for himself and his show. But this fandom is always looking for reasons to be offended.

I really haven’t seen Louis say anything that I’ve taken as “shade” towards Harry. The dumb comments about larries I really could do without, but IMO the rest of it seems to be fans twisting things around.

[evilgaygothgf]

How easy would they fall in love?

How easy would the the group chat members fall in love (imo)

a/n: this is kinda short since it’s my first post here 😞

Isaac

I feel like he wouldn’t pay you much mind at first, but as soon as you laughed at something he said or did or made a witty comeback at one of the other other boys, he’d be hooked

Like you’re all hanging out at the group house and he’s trying to jump into the convo and make a comeback at one of the guys, but like everyone is loud so they can’t hear him the first time, but he looks over and sees you laughing at whatever he said

You boost his ego (as if he needs it any bigger 🙄 /j ) and he eats that shit up

He can NOT hide his feelings for shit

This guy things he’s Mr Stone Cold out here and that you don’t have a clue

But he visibly gushes like big ol googly eyes boinging out of his head at you THIS FOOL CANNOT KEEP HIS COOL AROUND YOU

Softwilly

I think this man would swoon as soon as he saw your smile.

His pov would be like those movie scenes where everything goes blurry but you, you’re surrounded by an ethereal glow, birds singing and shit.

Boy would start floating like Tom and jerry when there’s a delicious pie smell in the air all 🤤 and wtv lmaoo

Yumi

Idk but I feel like he’s a tough cookie when it comes to stuff like this

Like you’d definitely be catching feelings first in this situation

He would probably start falling for you after you’ve known each other for a good bit of time and you’ve started rubbing off on him

He realizes you’re the only person besides him with an ounce of logic when you’re around the boys /j obv

You playfully mock him like the guys do, but he likes it when you do it and just plays like he hates it

Larry

He’d be besties with you at first I think

You’d join in on his and Tanner’s antics

The three of you would be dumb & dumber & dumbest

And like one day the two of you are hanging out alone and he realizes he has feelings for you 😑😐😑😐 (pretend they’re like blinking or smth idk)

And suddenly it’s like every time you come around now, Tanner is nowhere to be seen and it’s just a “coincidence” that you and Larry have to hang out without Tanner

Boy is crushing so hard but he really drags it out before ever saying anything to you bc I feel like he would like how pure it all feels…like he’s got his own little secret to himself yknow? Little mischievous guy

Tanner

This sweet boy

Like

Not playing favorites here but like

He’s a grown ass man but he’s babygirl and I’ll fight to the death over it

He’d fold. 😐

So fast

You play into whatever mischief he cooks up and it gets him all giggly and shit swinging his legs kicking his feet type shit

He’s so obvious about his feelings for you

Y’all send 0.5 selfies back and forth to each other and he is dying every time he gets one from you

Puts it in a special album on his phone and everything

Please be good to him

Grunk

Lil Grunky boy

He’s kind of like Isaac where he thinks he seems all cool and collected, but he’s so visibly nervous when you’re around

Tripping over his words

Blushing like crazy when you talk to him

Boy is SMITTEN

He tries to treat you like “one of the bros” thinking it’ll keep his crush on you secret

But if the group chat guys find out he has a crush on you it’s OVER for him

0 secrets at that point

Every time you’re around they’re making obvious pokes at Grunk about you

Obv all in fun, but like, if this boy gets in his feels over you, you’d know so fast

Thanks for reading!

[smallestapplin]

Alphas Larry, and Rika courting hc

-

-

💼Larry💼

- He never thought he’d ever find love, between his jobs and just constantly working, he thought he’d never find an omega he felt he needed to court.

- Until he met you. You have such a mellow and soothing scent, it almost puts him to sleep mid meal, like he can finally rest. And you’re so kind to him, happily keeping him company when he’s not working.

- Larry grew attached, but unfortunately he didn’t know how to tell you, or even ask you out. So he turned to the internet, most answers were…less than favorable, but he did find a few he liked.

- It starts with something that’s big for Larry, sharing his food. You’ve known Larry for a while, and never once seen him share his food, or allow anyone no matter the friendship, take from his plate. He’d always get the smallest bit aggressive and defensive. So you’re stunned when you comment on how good he’s eating looks (fully intending to order some yourself) only for him to divide it up on a separate plate and give it to you.

- You don’t make a comment about it, just accept his offer and happily eat. It makes him flustered to see you so happy over it.

- Next is gifts! Larry is a very simple man, a lot of people think he’s not listening, but he is. So the next part of his courting, is buying you things for your nest, or that you can wear to bring you comfort.

- The items he gives you aren’t scented, so you’re going to need to ask him if you want his scent in your nest. He pauses when you ask though, as if trying to process it before his cheeks turn a light pink “yeah sure, I can do that.”

-

-

👓Rika👓

- Once she realizes she’s in with you, smitten by you, and desperately wants to be your mate, nothing(except you) is stopping her from courting you. Rika is an alpha who knows what she wants, and what she wants is you.

- Rika is a little showy, making extravagant displays and getting equally as extravagant gifts for you. From giant life sized plushies, to expensive lounge clothes, Rika will make sure you have it.

- Constantly flirting and showing off how she’d make such a good alpha for you. Even gifting you items of hers that have been thoroughly scented. Your nest will be drowning in the scents of pine and teakwood.

- She does take every chance she can to join you in whatever you’re doing, always being so attentive even if it’s a topic she’s not into. And she always makes sure to use a dumb pick up line, one that has you giggling.

- She offers you a claiming gift, much like the courting gifts, this one is a smaller gift you can wear that’s covered in her scent, like a wrist band or a scarf.

- Rika nearly cries when you accept it, before covering it up with a smile and throwing an arm over your shoulders. “Don’t worry, as my omega I’ll make sure you’re well taken care of.”

- Later however, she’s screaming ‘yes! Yes! They said yes!’ In her house and cheering for herself. She loves you, she really truly does, and it just so happy she can call you her mate.

[dross-the-fish]

This might be the dumbest question on this blog, but is the motley crew like your AU/fanfic or is it an actual show? Can you also please give me a short summary?

I’m so sorry for asking such dumb questions I just really like your blog and I want to know more😭❤️🫶

It actually started out as a DnD style table top game I made for my friends. I decided to post some of the stuff from it here on tumblr and I'm re-writing it as a fic.

There is a LOT of lore, so I'll try to keep it brief and stick to the broadest points.

It's a goth lit crossover story, it begins with strange events happening all over England. There's an increase in the rat population, clouds of bats fill the sky at night, there are rumors of occult activity. The great detective Sherlock Holmes is called out of retirement to investigate a string of grisly murders and disappears without a trace during the investigation, leaving John Watson to try and find him.

Meanwhile Lawrence Talbot and his best friend Quincey Harker, the son of Jonathan and Mina (dracula) trying to rescue a woman from a wolf attack one night while passing by Baker Street. Lawrence is bitten and the bite is treated by Watson who finds it odd that there are wolves in London as wolves had been extinct in the UK for several centuries at that point and no zoo had reported a missing wolf.

Lawrence feels ill but otherwise fine and goes home thinking he'll sleep it off. Through the bite he contracts the curse of lycanthropy, on his first transformation he kills his entire family. The police investigate but don't connect Larry to the murders. The scene of the crime is a similar state to the one Holmes was investigating when he disappeared leading the newspaper to report the Talbot's as the latest victims of a serial killer at large. Watson questions Larry and Quincey, thinking they may be able to provide him a lead to finding Sherlock and, not knowing who else to trust they reveal Larry's lycanthropy. Watson is skeptical but once it's revealed that Larry is a werewolf he's convinced to help them find the cause of the curse and hopefully a cure.

Their search for a cause and cure leads them to fragments of a strange journal about an allegedly deceased man called Henry Jekyll who's own story seems to loosely mirror a werewolf curse and while trying to break into Jekyll's abandoned lab thinking his serum may have been the source of the curse they run into an unsavory character, Edward Hyde. Edward is at first, unhelpful, but once he realizes Lawrence Talbot is from a wealthy family he offers to help, stating that he knows a few things about Henry Jekyll and can get them access to his research in exchange for a place to stay and some money. Watson is mistrustful and advises the boys not to reveal Larry's condition to Edward until he proves himself an ally. At first Edward plans to mooch off of them for awhile, steal their money and disappear but once they figure out that Jekyll and Hyde are the same person they get him to agree to research Larry's condition and develop a cure derived from Hyde's serum.

Their continued investigation and search for Sherlock and a cure for Larry lead them to all kind of places and they start to assemble a group, picking up the Frankenstein creature and the Phantom of the Opera along their way.

It's eventually revealed that vampires, lead by Dracula have set up a society in England with the intention of taking over. Dracula is working for and with other villains from gothic literature like Dorian Gray, Carmilla, Imhotep the mummy, Dr Moreau, and Griffin the invisible man. Most of whom have sold or are in the process of selling their souls in Faustian contracts to Mephistopheles (Dorian's portrait physically is one). The crew's quest to find Sherlock and cure Larry turns into a bid to save the UK and possibly all of the world from team Dracula and Mephistopheles's machinations.