#and knowing where it’s from. like genetically and psychologically is even worse

[evildeerboy]

man it feels hopeless sometimes cleaning your room when you have hoarding tendencies. hoarding has so much shame around it so you know you have to beat it before it gets bad but it’s Always Bad

[traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors]

I’m not going to dive into anything deep here, just ranting.

When you tell someone about your trauma, whatever it may be. From an uncomfortable encounter with someone you thought you were close to, or something that absolutely changed you without a doubt, good people will tell you ‘your trauma is valid no matter how deep.’ You can listen to someone who had been hurt deeply by a family member or adult or child and know that it was traumatizing. You can hear someone tell you about how distressed they were when someone touched them, even simply on the leg, in an uncomfortable way and tell them that their trauma from that time is valid. But when it comes to trying to figure out if your own trauma is good enough, why is it so hard? You can validate others all day long and listen to their stories, but when you hear yours it just doesn’t add up. Why did something so simple stick with me? If it wasn’t bad, why am I afraid that there is something wrong with every child who shows even the slightest sign of being abused? Even if nothing is happening, why do I overthink and find ways to connect what happened to what I’m seeing? It’s really embarrassing to think of even going to a therapist because there are people who literally cannot function normally because of their trauma, and here I am with what feels like horrible overthinking, paranoia, and anxiety. But when I step back and listen to others it feels like I’m just a normal person who is acting sick just to know how it feels.

Hi anon,

Survivors who struggle to give themselves the same empathy they give other survivors have unique experiences and beliefs to explain it. It's possible that you've had experiences where you endured victim blaming and/or gaslighting and ended up internalizing some of that rhetoric towards yourself, like that your experiences aren't significant enough to seek therapy for or that you're exaggerating.

There are several factors that impact our resiliency - our ability to bounce back and cope with adverse events, including the environment we were raised in, our support network, genetics, hereditary mental health conditions, and preexisting trauma. If you lived in a safe and supportive environment with no preexisting trauma or mental health issues in your family, you're more likely to effectively cope with a potentially traumatic event than someone in an unsafe environment with no support, mental health issues in the family, and prior trauma. Everyone is dealt a different set of cards that make them more or less prone to becoming traumatized. That's why trauma is not defined by the event itself, because the same event can elicit varying psychological responses, no matter how severe the event is perceived. So, comparing your trauma to others who have had it worse does not benefit you nor the person you're comparing yourself to - all it does is make you feel needlessly wrong. Sure it could be worse, but it could be better too.

It's also possible that the magnitude of your trauma is too intimidating to confront and it's easier to minimize and rationalize it. For some people, depersonalization and emotional amnesia can explain why they struggle to empathize with their own trauma as opposed to others.

It sounds like deep down you know that what happened had a significant impact on you, and it's worth listening to that more. I hope that you can eventually give yourself the compassion and validation you deserve. Please let us know if you need anything else or want to add on.

-Bun

[mbti-notes]

Anon wrote: Helloo there, I hope you had a nice new year!

I'm an INTP here, and I need some guidance on how I can handle cultivating more empathy and social skills. I've had a lack of empathy since I was young. I am not sure what triggered it or led to it. But It's hard for me to form proper connections with people as a result.

When I was younger, I was a silent kid because i had almost no interest in socializing. I've noticed an issue where i was extremely selfish or cruel. For example, around the age of 6 to 12, I would get a sort of gratification when I purposely made my friend sad, I would find tiny reason to break of the friendship, and feel no remorse to it. I treated people more like experiments than friends. The only major fear I had was towards authority figures such as teachers.

Another thing I've noticed is that I have no strong recollection of good/bad memories. I can not remember the times I have been emotionally hurt or happy memories. The only major emotions I show are annoyance, happiness, and sadness if something happened to me only and never for anyone else.

I also find it hard to remember any important details of conversations and how I talked with people. Leading to fights because they bring up something i did, which i can not recall. My conversations are dull, I can't seem to generate emotions naturally. It feels like I have to fake every expression at times, as friends have previously called me a robot, due to my monotone behaviour.

I also find it hard to speak without saying something awkward and unfit for the conversation. It seems like my thoughts are many degrees away from the original path of the conversation. While everyone else can talk smoothly and reply in a way that continues the conversations, my replies fall flat and end with an awkward laugh.

As you might be able to guess, my friendships are quite shallow and unfulfilling, too. I often find it a chore to maintain relationships, almost taking an extreme amount of energy to reply to a text. Even if the other person has a keen interest in me.

But I still so desire good friendships, I keep myself cheerful and smiley, so that people don't turn off from me at first glance.

I've noticed these traits so often and spiralled down into sadness, believing that I might be sociopathic and that I am intrinsically a bad person. (I am prone to victim mentality, which made it worse).

It's only after I reached college and got into a failed relationship that I've consciously tried to fix myself. I've realised what an unfulfilling and selfish life I've been living.

I've tried living in the moment, trying to feel peoples emotions, putting in effort, listening more, trying to converse more, approach people, and, in general, involve myself in the class. But all it takes is one bad mood for me to undo all my progress and turn silent again.

My feelings of insecurity and envy have been raised, too, as my ex is now dating someone who is empathetic, sensitive, and socially adept.

I want to know

How to get out of this constant rut of motivation and failure to change.

How to live in the moment and talk, getting over the fear that I will say something unfit.

How to be more empathetic in general.

How to be more secure inside so that i can focus more outside and on my friendships.

---------------------

Lack of empathy or empathy deficit is a complicated topic in psychology, so this might be a lot for you to process. Yes, empathy can be conceptualized as a skill to improve and build up through learning and practice. However, like any skill, some people will have more genetic aptitude with it than others, so some people struggle with it more than others.

It sounds like you've already done some research and tried a few techniques with meh results. Unfortunately, your way of working toward a solution is very slow because you still don't know the "why". It's hard to solve a problem when you don't know the root cause because then the only method available to you is trial-and-error. It can indeed become very discouraging when you get error after error or don't see any meaningful progress.

Empathy deficit can be thought of as a symptom, which means there are many possible psychological issues/disorders that can give rise to it. It might benefit you to get assessed by a mental health professional with expertise about empathy deficit. It's important to investigate what lies behind it in order to discover the right way to address it.

For example, both autism and narcissism can produce empathy deficit but the mechanisms that impede empathy development are very different when you compare the two, so the treatment plans would end up looking very different once you tailor them to each individual's needs. Some people lack empathy simply because they have never been loved by anyone due to growing up in an environment of extreme neglect. Having never felt love, they don't know what it is and of course don't know how to show it.

One reason empathy deficit is a thorny subject is because of social stigma, especially since it often gets associated with psychopathy or sociopathy as you mentioned. Many psychologists don't use these labels because of the stigma and because they are imprecise. When a psychological term is widely used by the general public, it starts to lose meaning or the meaning gets extremely fuzzy, which renders it less and less useful for diagnostic purposes. People think "psychopath" and they picture a serial killer, which isn't helpful.

Personally, I'm even wary of using the word "disorder" because it often leads people to believe they are somehow "broken"; the way they behave is "wrong" and has to be changed to the "right" way. While some psychological problems should be called a disorder, I personally don't believe that empathy deficit itself should be, unless it is accompanied by dysfunctional behavior that indicates the presence of a serious mental disorder.

My understanding of empathy deficit is that it's more like a "disability", similar to blindness or deafness. What's the advantage of approaching empathy deficit as a disability? A) It's not your fault that your brain has low aptitude for empathy, so shame is completely unwarranted. B) A disability is something you can come to comfortably accept as a part of you, but also something you need to learn to adapt to, in order to live a fuller life. Thus, the question isn't "what's wrong with me?" but rather "how can I adapt better to having this disability?"

Empathy isn't an on/off switch. There are degrees of empathy. Some people have minimal to no empathy. Some people have too much empathy. Most people fall somewhere in the middle of having empathy much of the time but still capable of acting like a selfish jerk some of the time.

The way INTPs approach the world tends to be conceptual and intellectual, so it might help you to approach empathy in more cognitive rather than emotional terms. The most basic way to explain empathy is the ability to conceptualize/visualize another person's mind and understand what's going on in there. There are many paths to reaching that understanding, so psychologists distinguish between different kinds of empathy:

Affective empathy or emotional empathy is about sharing someone else's feelings and emotions. For instance, people with normal empathy would feel sad upon seeing their friend feeling sad about their dog dying. By sharing feelings and emotions with someone, it can lessen their burden and help them feel better. Expressing empathy in this way is a common method of showing how much you care about someone's well-being. When people talk about empathy deficit, it is usually affective empathy they are referring to. Try as they might, some people just can't muster enough care or concern about others.

Another kind of empathy is cognitive empathy, which is basically about modeling someone else's mind. Ti+Ne might help you with this. You could take your own experience and try to extrapolate from it to understand someone else.

For example, do you feel anything when someone goes out of their way to do something nice for you, such as ask how you're doing, give you a gift, or answer a question for you online? People with normal empathy would feel warmth, appreciation, gratitude, closeness/intimacy, care, love, or a sense of mattering. If you feel good when someone does something nice for you, you can extrapolate from it and guess that someone else may also feel good when you do something nice for them. This is the rationale behind the common advice of treating others the way you would like to be treated.

Even if you aren't capable of feeling good when someone does something nice for you, you can still observe that it is a common phenomenon in the general population. Therefore, you can deduce, through empirical investigation of cause and effect, that people doing nice things for each other is an important aspect of maintaining good relations. This can then be turned into a good principle or practice to follow: "If you want to keep a friend, you have to occasionally do nice things for them (so that they can feel justified in continuing the friendship)." You don't have to use your own emotion to arrive at good principles of action; you can also use logic and common sense to get a similar result.

Empathy is also closely linked to compassion, which is about taking action in accordance with empathic feelings. For example, seeing a friend get injured on the street, it isn't enough to just stand there and feel for them, right? Feeling bad for them should also prompt you to take action to help or save them from further injury or death.

If you can't feel bad for people who are injured, you can still understand, intellectually, that it's not a great situation. Instead of acting on empathic feelings you don't have, you could act out of logic and common sense, knowing that, universally, nobody likes to lie there vulnerable and bleeding on the street. Once again, this could lead you to create a principle/practice to follow: "If you want to keep a friend, you should take action whenever they need help."

If you're not capable of affective empathy, you are still capable of cognitive empathy as long as you are of normal intelligence. Most people rely more on affective than cognitive empathy. However, since you suffer this "disability" of not being able to generate enough affective empathy, you could rely more on cognitive empathy as an adaptation.

Maybe it's impossible for you to become the beloved social butterfly wowing everyone with your charisma, but you can still form meaningful relationships with a handful of people. When you meet a good candidate for friendship, be open and honest about your challenges, then they will know to show you more empathy and patience. As long as you're willing to put out some effort for them, they will return it. Relationships require reciprocity.

This brings us to the last point of "effort", which relates to motivation. Motivation often arises from emotionality; people have a strong desire or feel strongly about something, so they take action. What happens when your feelings and emotions are too muted to motivate action?

Human beings are motivated by a great number of things. The motivation to connect with other people is but one of them. In many cases, empathy deficit doesn't mean a person is incapable of empathizing. It's more precise to say that they can empathize but the motivation is too easily overridden by other conflicting motivations.

To give you a simple example, maybe you just worked a long day on your feet and you're utterly exhausted. You get on the bus to go home and there's only one seat left that's reserved for the disabled or elderly. You take it because no one else wants it. Later, a very frail old man gets on the bus and eyes your seat. What do you do? Many people, out of empathy, would yield the seat. A low empathy person can still feel bad for the old man. The issue is that their empathy level isn't strong enough to override the more pressing motivation to rest.

Oftentimes in relationships, you are faced with a dilemma of having to choose between yourself and others. Instead of thinking of it in terms of "I only care about me and I don't care about them", you can think of it like this:

I have multiple motivations. 1) I want to do what I want to do. 2) But I also want to keep this person as my friend. Just because motivation 1 is always stronger than 2 doesn't mean I always have to choose that way.

Since my feelings and emotions are muted, I do not have the mental resources to satisfy all of my motivations all of the time. I must ensure that I am not too otherwise stressed/taxed when trying to socialize. And I must calculate which motivation is most worthwhile to follow based on the situation.

When faced with a social dilemma, I must analyze which motivation is going to lead me to a better outcome via weighing the pros and cons objectively. In some situations, I will get a better outcome by taking care of my own needs. In some situations, I will get a better outcome by taking action to keep my friend. In some situations, I can be super smooth and efficient and do something that will benefit both of us at the same time. Make the smartest choice given the circumstances.

Taking some extra time to think through possible outcomes helps you make better social decisions (and develop Ne properly). Just like a visually impaired person has to put out effort to read braille or a hearing impaired person has to put out effort to use sign language, you must put out some effort to learn adaptations that will help you participate better in relationships and social situations.

You don't have to overthink. You can learn about people through observation and asking them simple questions. You can follow some basic principles like: compliment people when they do something good; offer help on occasion; say please and thank you; etc. Perhaps read about social etiquette to learn some good rules of thumb. Perhaps study communication skills so that you can express yourself more effectively.

An important aspect of maintaining motivation is regularly getting good results along the way. As INTP, you should be good at analyzing past mistakes for lessons to learn, in a scientific or experimental way. Try something and it doesn't work, don't do it again. Something worked well, try it again. It only works some of the time? Isolate the relevant factors to predict which situations it's more likely to work. You've obviously made some progress since childhood because you now actually care about this issue enough to feel bad and reach out for guidance. When feeling down, people tend to fixate on failure and it's easy to lose sight of all the little improvements achieved. Make sure to review the things you've done well, no matter how small, as a way to keep your motivation up.

Although empathy is an important ingredient in relationships, there are still ways to proceed without it. As long as you have some motivation to socialize, no matter how small or muted, there is hope to build something more out of it. Use those feelings of loneliness, regret, or sadness you just told me about to enhance your motivation and your desire to live your life in a better way (as opposed to wallowing in negativity).

You don't have to be "noble" and take action for others purely because you care deeply about them. Maybe it's enough to do it as a thank you to them for sticking around to make your life more fulfilling. It's not a competition of "me vs them", so don't think of relationships as a "sacrifice". By making them happy, you also make yourself happy, because you get to have a friend. Fe teaches you that good relationships should be win-win, even when you care more about your win than theirs.

[gowns]

THIS IS VITAL. Do not convince yourself that you have "insomnia" or go into bed thinking you're going to have trouble sleeping. Even if you've been professionally diagnosed. Doctors don't care about you the same way you care about yourself, so keep this in mind. You're one of many patients to them so you need to take control of your own health, and sometimes that means completely rejecting their advice and diagnoses. You need to tell yourself that you're simply going through a rough period and sleep might be difficult, but you're fine. I can't stress how important it is to psychologically believe that things are fine and/or will get better. A major component of insomnia for people who suffer from anxiety is the very anxiety around not being able to sleep. The anxiety compounds the issue and it thus becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. It's one of the many cases in humans where if you believe it's a problem, it WILL be a problem.

You need to find a way to, over time, decouple the association between sleep and whatever negative delusional spin you're putting on it. Do not predict the future with false and irrelevant evidence from the past. A bad night of sleep, or no sleep the day before does not mean it's going to repeat in the future. This is highly ILLOGICAL, but your brain won't care about this, it will force those thoughts on you. Be aware of your own cognitive behaviors and beat them out with clear, logical thinking. Obviously, this will be difficult since emotional states cause us to think delusionally, and insomnia along with the accompanying sleep deprivation will make it worse, but the big takeaway is to realize that you can't really trust your brain at this time because it isn't functioning properly and is under a lot of stress. This process can take time, be patient with yourself, especially if you think nutrition might be a factor. It's vitally important to remember that YOU CAN FALL ASLEEP. EVERY HUMAN HAS THIS ABILITY unless you have extremely rare genetic disorders or severe nutritional deficiencies that can EASILY be corrected.

You need to realize that it's ENTIRELY NORMAL to have problems falling asleep for days, weeks or even months at a time. Your case is likely NOT UNIQUE, and many millions of people over millenia have suffered and successfully recovered from this disturbance. It is scary because it is happening to YOU, but take comfort in the fact that it is also common and treatable. This is not blind hope, or lying to yourself, these are FACTS THAT YOU NEED TO CONSTANTLY REMIND YOURSELF OF because your brain will already be doing a great job of bringing you down with negative thoughts. You must truly believe that you're going to get better and fix the problem, while taking every possible step you can to move the dial in the right direction towards progress.

Take comfort in the fact that many people have sleepless periods like this for various reasons. Stress, nutritional deficiencies, terrible diets, anxiety, grieving, depression, breakups, divorces, etc. It's crucial to remember that all psychological stresses will diminish over time and you will return to normalcy. Your brain is constantly adjusting towards homeostasis, so YOU WILL HEAL IN TIME. YOU MUST KNOW THIS. Don't get obsessive over how long your recovery is taking, or set arbitrary goalposts (e.i. "I should be fine in a week"). Take things one day at a time.

Also be aware that stress depletes magnesium, which is responsible for reining in ruminating thoughts and relaxing you. Again, I urge anyone with insomnia and/or anxiety to do ample research on magnesium. It is absolutely a life safer.

[x]

[genechelili]

What makes a child wish to die? - Character analysis, Dazai Osamu

It is common sense to know that the character Dazai Osamu, from the Bungou Stray Dogs series, has suicidal desires and the knowledge of this information has become normalized in the fandom. But; Have we asked ourselves where this desire came from?

(@//gengenchele on TikTok)

To answer this question, we must take a trip to the past and reach those moments where Dazai was just a 14-year-old ‘teenager’, if that is what you can call someone with the face of a child but with a deteriorated expression. The mind of an adult, old, tired and destroyed by life.

This Dazai who, in the words of many, was just a child, had already accumulated an countless number of suicide attempts, whose unfortunately or fortunately, weren't successful. Which makes me wonder; what kind of abuse must a child go through to be so that life is just… not worth it?

It is very likely that he was aware of what he was doing, furthermore, there was evidently no type of mother or father figure present, or worse, they were present, and to his misfortune, they abused him in completely inhumane ways. This will help us justify the reason for the feeling of ‘not being human’ of the Dazai of the present.

Hunger, abandonment, sexual, school, physical and psychological abuse; even torture can be among the options of things this man has had to go through. To give us an idea, Dazai clearly lived in a poor neighborhood, since I highly doubt that he would have gone so far from home only to commit suicide and then be found by Mori. His parents probably did not have a good job, if they had one, and his financial position was still not the best. The possible abuse by his parents is very evident.

Maybe alcoholics, drug addicts or mentally deranged. Financial problems can bring many difficulties in life, which generally end up being borne by the weakest, that is, the youngest in the house, so we can assume that Dazai probably did not have any younger siblings, which makes sense to me. And if he had, he clearly got the worst of it. Or at least that is what I hope. We do not want to assume anything about his past yet. The only thing we are sure of family abuse was there.

Anyway, I do not rule out the possibility that Dazai had several brothers, not only because these types of large families are common in the slums, but because the author Dazai is inspired by, also had several brothers. Asagiri may have based his family history on this as well. Although this is just a theory, which does not affect much on Dazai's childhood itself.

But in Dazai there was a clear peculiarity; he is presented to us as a fairly introverted character in his teenage years, but not the type of introvert that they are due to genetic reasons of personality or family customs, the type of child who is introverted because the world forces him to be, circumstances demanded it of him. The universe showed him that this was not the place to be himself and that he is not safe being that person. The best option was to hide. This can make us think that he was not only not safe at home, but also not at school, on the street or with some possible childhood friends, if he had the opportunity to live these situations or social experiences, of course. Once again, I am based on the life of the author Osamu Dazai, who despite pretending to be very extroverted, on the inside was very withdrawn and was constantly scared or insecure in environments where he had to interact with more people.

In the case of a school, it is clear that either he did not attend, which is probably not the case but I want to look at the possibility, or he went to a public one. These types of schools are where children who do not see a safe place at home, see it there, and that is where they develop their entire personality, which when it comes out in such a sudden and explosive way ends up turning them into an abusive child. Or even simpler, it is the only behavior they know and the one they know they can show. Clearly this was not the case with Dazai; he also did not see a safe place at school and also hid, which may lead to the assumption that he was also abused or suffered some type of mistreatment there. Teachers, classmates, older students or even representatives of the institution. Many potential predators for such a vulnerable target. The possibilities are almost endless.

(Here I open a small space, considering the theory that if Dazai never attended any educational institute, because, if he had had a normal childhood, and had gone to school, he would be 10 times more intelligent than he is today, since that in school not only things of general culture are taught, but also in the process of being evaluated and learning, mental capacity is increases considerably, without a doubt meeting a Dazai even more intelligent than he already is, would be something very interesting, and It makes me think about what his life would be like if he had come from a good family).

It was clear that Dazai lacked friends, safe places, or even something to call home. These conditions can make anyone's life sad and miserable. But not in something that is not worth it. Humans are incapable of thinking for themselves, all our ideas, convictions, desires and dreams are inspired by someone or something we encounter later.

If this mentality is applied to Dazai's life, we have no choice but to assume that in Dazai's family, or environment, there was not only violence, but also a low concern regarding what he might think, feel or see.

It is more than obvious to assume that Dazai did not feel any type of attachment to his parents, classmates or even any possible friends he had. It is also likely that no one has ever shown him affection, of any kind. This would explain Dazai's adult behavior, where he clearly does not understand how affection works sincerely, or how it is supposed to feel like, but he does not seek it either. This can even open up the theory that he experienced it for a certain period of time, but something made him change his mind; something made him decide that he did not want it.

Everything that can be read above is my first theory, which was mainly based on the behavior that can be observed in the few appearances that we have of Dazai when he was a teenager, and other data, but I would also like to look at the other side of the coin, another completely different theory, which is based much more on the life of the author on whom Dazai is inspired.

To begin with, he comes from a family with a very good economic position, he did not suffer any type of visible abuse in his childhood and he went to an excellent school, with a, superficially, good relationship with his classmates and good grades. This Dazai was always empty, he was never human, he felt this loneliness and lack of motivation thanks to himself and nothing else.

Although, personally, I tend to rely a lot on the lives of authors or books to do analysis, in this one it seems so possible, since there are many inconsistencies that do not explain so assertively the reason for some of their actions and ways of doing things. think, which does not mean that it may be a little more logical.

(@//gengenchele on TikTok)

It is more than evident that Dazai did not have a normal childhood, which is always key to people's development; Any type of problem at this stage can be compromising for who we are today. Understanding this character's childhood is one of the most important things about him, and that knowledge will help us understand who he is today and the reasons behind his actions.

Thank you  for your time and attention.

Made by @//gengenchele on TikTok (me lmao)

[transmascpetewentz]

i'm intersex. fuck that stupid anon.

i am not developmentally disordered! i am not a DSD-haver (or whatever term gender "criticals" came up with to use as pawns to fit their agenda)! fuck off with that dehumanizing bullshit.

i know i can't speak for all intersex people, but my variation is so much more than just a medical issue. it doesn't stop there. it doesn't just affect me physically. my intersex condition affects me psychologically and socially as well. it affects me in all aspects of my life.

that's why it's called a condition. it CONDITIONS the circumstances of my life because it makes me fundamentally different from typical people of my birth sex — genetically, biologically, phenotypically and (in my experience at least) mentally as well.

from a young age i felt different and, even before i was diagnosed, i had a gut feeling there was something different about me (not just in body but in mind too).

it's exactly this mindset that we are "disordered" that encourages forced medicalization from birth and erasure of our lived experiences. and reducing us to our reproductive capability with language like this shows you don't actually give a shit about us as people at all.

"intersex" isn't a perfect term to describe people whose biology deviates from typical notions of their assigned sex at birth, and it can be confusing, but it's the best term we have to describe our shared reality right now.

sweeping intersex conditions under the rug and pretending like we're no different than typical people of our birth sex only makes matters worse and causes us unnecessary pain & confusion.

unfortunately, anon's mindset is shared by most of the world when it comes to us and our conditions. i know from personal experience.

there's a reason i starved myself at age 12 to make my gynaecomastia disappear. there's a reason why my parents dismissed my suspicions to the point where i had to get a karyotype blood test behind their back.

it's because of intersex erasure. our conditions are ignored, overlooked and many of us remain undiagnosed during our youth. puberty can be incredibly confusing for us.

just because we're a "tiny minority of the population" or some of us are infertile, doesn't mean we don't matter or don't have anything to offer to the world.

there is so little knowledge of what being intersex is like in our society, and i doubt things will change much during my lifetime.

but, hey, at least we get to be used as talking points for gender criticals and their obsessive hatred of trans people. how very exciting! /s

!!!

[druckkugelschreiber]

so I gotta know about "did you sleep with your teacher?"

(also I'm probably not doing the wip ask game myself until tomorrow)

Kel's out here asking the real questions! I'm so glad you asked (also no pressure on when you answer the game :D )

Also TW for underage teacher/student relationship!

So, the title 'Did you sleep with your teacher?' is from my Marvel / School for good and evil crossover fic. It's about Athena Stark, Tony Stark's nonbinary kid and Lady Lesso from the school for good and evil (again I don't think anybody is actually surprised).

Anyway, Athena, being a Stark and all, is in her last years of college being 17 years old and doing their second PhD. They take an advanced psychology class where Lesso is their teacher and the two hit it off.

Coincidentally Lesso is also a SHIELD agent/ recruiter.

The title is from a scene I haven't written yet where Tony finds out and is like "Did you sleep with your teacher?" And Athena is like "uuhhhh... no?" (Yes, she did in fact sleep with her very hot teacher).

Also on a tasty side note they have some fun desk sex that was very fun to write about.

Rather long snippet of them in the flirting stage below!

“What are you doing here?” Professor Lesso’s cool voice travelled down my back like the caress of a finger. 

I didn’t stop the maltreatment of the punching bag. “I’m working out.”

“You’ve never been here before”, her voice got closer, though I couldn’t hear the cadence of her steps over my rhythmic punching. 

“No, you’ve never seen me here before”, I corrected and stopped when she stepped within my field of view. 

So far I had seen her only in her teaching outfits, sharp cut suits, vest and tie and all. It made her look sophisticated and in charge, her wild curls always perfectly styled. But now, now, she wore tight fitting sports gear, that hugged her like a second skin. She had an incredibly athletic figure with lean muscles fitting perfectly with her sharp cut face. 

I wanted to feel her body against mine, those long, long legs wrapped around me. It didn’t help that she had braided back her hair, leaving her stunning face bare. The urge to pepper the line of her cheekbones with kisses was near overwhelming. 

“Stop being a smartass and answer the question.”

“I fear being a smartass is part of my genetic heritage”, I smirked. 

“Don’t make me hurt you, Stark.”

She really was making this easy on me. “Don’t tempt me with a good time.”

I never saw the strike coming. Well, correction, I saw the slight twitch, but didn’t expect her to actually attack me. She grabbed my wrist, whirled me around and nearly had me on the fucking floor before my body remembered hey we could fight too!

I slipped out of her grip for a second, but she readjusted and she was so much better than me. I managed to struggle a bit longer, but she had me on the mats in under a minute. I grunted in anger and pain. One of her knees on my shoulder, the other pressed down on my arm and elbow. Yeah she had me good. 

“Now, little mx sass”, she rasped in my ear, making me shudder despite my best efforts. “What are you doing here?”

“I already told you”, I smirked against the floor, “I’m working out.”

Lesso grumbled in frustration. “Why are you working out here? Instead of your usual gym?”

“Why do you think I have a usual gym?”

She readjusted the weight on my arm and I let out a pained breath, fuck was she hot. “I’m not daft, Stark. You don’t get a body like yours from not working out somewhere.”

My grin returned. “Noticed my body huh?” flirting with your prof? Bad idea. Flirting with your prof while you were still underage for a good three months? An even worse idea. Good thing I was always here for bad ideas. I wanted to wriggle to emphasise the statement but she still had so much pressure on my arm it would only hurt. 

“Hmh, yes”, Lesso purred and fuck me why was her voice so hot? “Now, Athena”, my name from her lips was a siren song. “Why are you here?”

“My usual gym is renovating”, I said, “and also I found out conveniently enough the room here is always empty around this time and I like being able to punch a bag without some guy coming over and trying to give me advice.”

Lesso scoffed in disbelief. No matter how much I turned my head, I couldn’t catch a look at her face. “Do you know why the room is usually empty at this time?”

“Please enlighten me, professor.” 

She readjusted the pressure on my arm, causing me to wince. “I have it booked.”

I held back a smirk that would have betrayed the fact that I knew that. I wasn’t dumb. I hadn’t just come into the college gym at random. Information was my business and I never missed it. Also when you were famous you sort of had to check the places you went to beforehand. 

“Oh, I’m sorry”, I said, “I had no idea.”

“Yes, you did”, Lesso hissed, “and now I have to punish you.”

Please do. I rested my head against the ground. 

She let go of me rather suddenly. 

I remained in the same position for a few seconds longer before I rolled around and carefully moved my arm to get rid of the throbbing. 

Lesso hadn’t stood up, still kneeling next to me so close that her knee rested against my hip. For someone who had just laid on the floor, my breathing was entirely too fast. “So what will it be, Athena? How would you like to be punished?”

“What do you have in mind, professor?” there was a rasp to my voice. 

Lesso smirked and stood up. “I guess I’ll have to teach you what happens when you interrupt my private time.”

Okay? Why had she stood up though?

“Get up. I’ll warm up and then we can spar.”

“Not the reason why I wanted to be unable to walk tomorrow.”

Lesso burst out laughing. The sound caught me entirely off guard. It was too cute for a trained assassin and spy. So open and full of light and with little dimples and oh my god, she shouldn’t be this cute laughing. “If you hadn’t interrupted, maybe I’d have done that.”

Oh fuck me she was mean. I pushed myself off the ground and tore off one of the punching gloves with my teeth, “fine.”

Her eyes got stuck on my teeth and lips. 

I raised an eyebrow, “didn’t you want to warm up?”

[jbfly46]

Psychogenic Electronic Illness

There appears to be a psychogenic electronic illness or mass hysteria plaguing the entire United States, with the symptoms ranging from symptoms of delusional disorder to symptoms of schizophrenia. I assume from my past research that the cause is a combination of a biological cause, from what seems to be a strain of frequently ignored black mold that is prevalent in poor regions, recent increased levels of stress from Covid-19, and the effects of late stage capitalism that the majority of people are born into. The majority of the people in the area appear to at least be experiencing functional delusions, with the lower classes and the poor experiencing more severe symptoms due to their increased levels of economic and other stressors. It’s likely that there is also a genetic factor in play, with certain epigenetics being activated by stress and the biological toxin. I am assuming that the minority of people unaffected by this don’t work in mental health, as these workers seem to be completely unaware of it or also affected by it. Portland is going to need outside help from people who won’t be affected by the causal factors. I’m unsure of who to contact about this as there is still no federal body that oversees issues of this nature, and I cannot be sure the people I’m contacting aren’t also being affected by it. This has happened before in the United States and Europe, but back then there was nothing known about psychology, and barely anything known about the causes of illness. This psychogenic event has everything to do with computational psychology and the internet. Facebook was not the first entity to use internet algorithms to brainwash people. That’s what controlling the emotions of people who don’t know how to control their emotions is. Brainwashing. Eliminating their ability to use their free will. I’ve seen zero efforts from any university to counter the obvious and blatant brainwashing of our youth. Y’all are corporate cowards in my book, and corporate cowards deserve a coward’s death. The entire concept of brainwashing leaves out the fact that free will is necessary and exists for good reason, so of course an attempt at brainwashing the entire United States populace is going to end in disaster. I just hope for the sake of everyone that it isn’t allowed to get worse. The area of psychology has gone in the completely wrong direction. The entire field was practically fulled researched by Freud and Jung, all it needed was to neutralize the pronouns and anything based on the pronouns into non-gender or non-race specific pronouns. Now the successful methodologies of hypnosis and psychoanalysis are done by supercomputers running off of secret black boxes in corporate labs. I hope y’all are fuckin’ happy with your careers. The United States is falling apart at the seams and the lower classes are struggling and dying at alarming rates. How am I the only one who can see what’s happening? The inability of academic professionals to view their own academic subjects objectively qualifies them as delusional. This is a fucking humanitarian war crime. Reality has turned into a living fucking nightmare. Fuckin do something about this. I’m literally invisible to the majority of the population because I somehow escaped this ensnaring electronic entrapment, even while frequently using social media. People literally don’t see or hear me. I saw these experiments being planned and go down online. I traced their originations to specific geographical regions, where specific groups were the only ones with access to the knowledge and resources necessary to undertake these experiments. I don’t see how they expected to escape the brainwashing, almost as if they thought they were special. They’re not special. They were brainwashed too. Some of these people have literally had their minds wipes by their own technology. They’re effectively braindead. From the outside it looks similar to delusional disorder, psychosis, Alzheimer’s or dementia.

[crplpunkklavier]

ok i'm not going to make this one rebloggable, i'm not looking to have a discussion or start beef with anyone, especially not on a holiday. i just grow another stomach ulcer every time people on here get psychology so, so wrong. and i need to get this out or i'll explode.

that original original post is so annoying. why are you guys out there trying to one-up and gotcha your therapists. "why do all adults need therapy then?" they dont. they dont!!!! not all adults need therapy. what the fuck are you talking about.

the next one is also annoying. implying that any kid that "seems resilient" is simply repressing trauma to resurface later is so harmful?? what are you doing. some children are resilient!! it doesn't mean they'll never have problems, or never need therapy, or that they aren't still repressing something. even if a child seems resilient, yes of course it should still receive help. but acting like there is no resilience in children is going to just make people misinterpret actual resilient children and offer the wrong help. you'll end up digging for issues where there are none. assuming that every well-adjusted child is just repressing trauma and every adult needs therapy is a pointless doom mindset that helps nobody.

that FUCKING addition. first of all, that person sure seems to reblog from a lot of terfs. secondly, id love to see their sources. because, yes! there HAVE been a lot of studies on child resilience! and yes, if children receive social support after traumatic incidents, they come out more resilient than if they dont. thats.... not all though? what are you talking about, "ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS a result of the support they receive"?? its. its not. science doesnt work with "always," first of all. no serious study is going to claim that child resilience is "always" a result of support. we cant prove "always." nobody can. secondly, that is a GROSS SIMPLIFICATION of a VERY COMPLEX phenomenon, resilience. we still dont fully understand it. we have spent decades researching it, and we still dont think weve uncovered all factors that lead to child resilience. it is in fact still baffling to science just how resilient children can be, so i also honestly dont see why people are harping on a therapist for saying kids are resilient!! a big majority of them are!! and a big majority of children in fact receive social support!! most studies indicate that social support is in fact an important factor for resilience, but never the only one. if your parents dont support you, someone else might, or if your parents do support you, you still might grow up in the worst shithole in the world, and then sometimes you might come out resilient, sometimes you wont, and we dont know why. genetics could play a role. probably in some way they do, but we dont know how big a role it is. what im saying is, resilience can be the result of support kids receive, AMONG OTHER THINGS. i also dont understand what the fuck that person thinks they mean by "true resilience." resilience that isnt just ~hidden trauma~ i guess which apparently ~all adults~ have anyway.

ok. rant almost over. shit like this just gets me, because i know a lot of you are struggling, and i dont want you to get the wrong ideas about what did or didnt happen to you. some of you may have wonderful parents and youre still struggling and you dont feel resilient, and that doesnt necessarily mean that your parents did something horribly wrong. it may mean that something in your genes isnt working in your favor, or that every environmental factor was working against you and your parents.

or, an alternative that i personally find worse because i myself have struggled with it a lot: you may have horrible parents who didnt support you and you may still feel resilient. and if someone comes along and tells you that you can only be ~truly resilient~ if you had the social support, youll start wondering..... are you misremembering? were people supporting you, and youre being a monster by painting them as bad? are you maybe not resilient at all? are you really fucked up and are going to need therapy because all adults do?

you might. you might not. answers to these things are too complex for tumblr posts, and i certainly wouldnt trust people whose blogs are 50% terf reblogs and who claim that science has "proven" anything or that things are "always" a certain way. nothing ever is.

its shabbat and rosh hashanah so im going to only do the bare minimum here but since i was talking about sources earlier, i will say that if you'd like further reading on just how complex and undecided the research on resilience has been, i would point you, for example (there are so many sources), toward masten's papers "competence and resilience in development" (2006) and "resilience in developing systems" (2007), and sameroff & rosenblum's "psychosocial constraints on the development of resilience" (2006). peace and good night.

[kanodiaclinic]

Who are at Risk of Getting Melasma? Find Out Now

Are you dealing with uneven skin tone and dark patches? You might face melasma, a condition affecting your skin's color and confidence. In sunny places like India, melasma risk factors are a big concern. Some people are more likely to get it due to melasma susceptibility.

Knowing these risks is key to managing them. The skin clinic in Jaipur is a great place to get help. Talking to a dermatologist in vidhyadhar nagar jaipur can lead to better solutions for melasma. It's important to spot and treat melasma early. This article will guide you towards brighter, healthier skin.

Understanding Melasma and Its Impact

Melasma is a common skin condition that causes brown or gray-brown patches on the face. It mostly affects women but can also happen to men. Hormonal changes and sun exposure often trigger it, making it a challenge for those dealing with it.

What Is Melasma?

Melasma shows up as dark patches on the face, usually on the forehead, cheeks, nose, and chin. These patches can change with the seasons but don't go away. Knowing what causes melasma helps in finding the right treatment.

How Does Melasma Affect Individuals?

Melasma is more than a skin issue; it can affect how people feel inside. It can change how you act in social situations and make you less confident. The more visible the patches, the harder it can be to hide them, which can make you feel worse.

The Psychological Consequences of Skin Changes

Dealing with melasma can affect your mental health. Dermatologists, like those at a leading skin clinic in Jaipur, say it's important to address the emotional side of it. People often feel embarrassed and frustrated, which might make them want to stay away from others or feel sad.

Factors Contributing to Melasma Development

Understanding what causes melasma helps in preventing and managing it. This condition can cause a lot of emotional distress. It often comes from a mix of genes and environmental factors.

Sun exposure is a big factor in getting melasma. UV rays make the skin produce too much pigment. Using broad-spectrum sunscreen daily is key, especially in places like Vidhyadhar Nagar, Jaipur, where the sun is strong.

Hormonal changes also play a big role, especially in women. Melasma is common during pregnancy, known as chloasma or "the mask of pregnancy." But it can also happen with hormonal birth control pills. Talking to dermatologists for advice is a good idea to handle these hormonal changes.

Other things like skin irritation from products or procedures can start melasma. Some medicines can also make it worse. If you're prone to melasma, being careful with your skincare and lifestyle is crucial.

Dermatologists in Jaipur suggest protecting against UV rays and checking how medicines affect your skin. This can help manage and maybe even lower the risk of melasma.

FAQ

Who is at risk of developing melasma?

Women, especially those in sunny areas, are most likely to get melasma. Those with a family history of it are also at higher risk.

What is melasma, and why is it important to understand its risk factors?

Melasma is a condition that causes brown or gray-brown patches on the face. Knowing the risk factors helps in early detection and treatment. This is crucial for getting help from top skin clinics like those in Jaipur.

What are the primary factors contributing to the development of melasma?

Sun exposure, hormonal shifts, and genetics are the main causes of melasma. Skin irritation and some medicines can also make it worse.

Are there any preventive measures for melasma?

To prevent melasma, avoid the sun, use sunscreen, and wear protective clothes. See a dermatologist if hormonal changes affect your skin.

Where can individuals get professional advice on managing melasma in Jaipur?

For advice on melasma, visit a dermatologist in Vidhyadhar Nagar, Jaipur. Or go to a well-known skin clinic for expert care and treatment.

[traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors]

cw: csa mention

looking for advice regarding therapy + rambling a lot idk if it even makes sense

how exactly do you go on about therapy when there might be something to solve but it's just crumbs of something bigger? i'm a csa survivor (just saying that feels like an exaggeration given how well i'm doing) but right now i'm not dealing with "the big haunting survivor stuff". i just know i'm not at my best regarding that but the impact is so minor and i tend to emotionally detach so much that speaking about it makes me feel like i'm using my victimhood to get something i don't need (like if someone got into a plane crash and just got a small cut but ultimately went through the same crash as the person who lost a limb). what i mean is csa is such a big thing but what i'm dealing with isn't. and i don't want to have to describe a huge plane crash when i really just need to slap a bandaid on my wound? if that makes any sense??

i honestly feel so embarrassed. i know ultimately things could be better but i opened up to one person already and i feel so bad for talking. i feel like i always have to make it very clear that while what happens sounds bad it really isn't serious and idk how to ever talk about abuse with it being just too serious compared to how it affected me. and i feel embarrassed going to therapy for something so small that i'm not sure i'd be able to properly describe. ultimately it puts me in a position of wanting to feel worse or wanting something worse to happen to me so that it makes more sense to talk about.

last thing is: i genuinely feel so ugly and insecure that i just feel like it strips me of my victimhood. whenever i wanna speak up about what happened to me i feel the urge to just show a picture of my child self, because while i at least looked small and worthy of some pity regarding what happened back then, right now i just feel so pathetic that i want to just laugh at my own self. like i'm seriously too disgusting to complain about anything tragic happening to me. i feel like the pathetic guy in cartoons that goes through awful stuff to make the audience laugh, zero sympathy just pointing and laughing.

wow okay sorry that was a wordy mess.

– three dots anon

Hi three dots,

It's okay if what happened to you doesn't affect you a lot. But it's important to respect the pain that does exist. Regardless of how much it impacts you, you're still a CSA survivor. The analogy you gave about the plane crash is really interesting, and I think it actually ties into your experience. Because no matter what kind of injury you sustain from a plane crash, it doesn't change the fact that it can be equally traumatizing to the man who lost a limb and the man who got a little cut.

Trauma isn't defined by what happened, but by how we respond to it psychologically. The man who lost his limb may not actually be that affected by it, and the man who got cut may be severely traumatized. Things like genetic factors, the environment you were raised in, the support you have, can all affect your resilience - your ability to cope with stressful events, and that looks different for everyone. So it's not really fair to objectively define what counts as trauma.

This is something I say a lot, and I never get tired of saying it because I know it needs to be said more. Our society encourages comparing your trauma to those who've "had it worse" or that things like rape is "the worst" trauma. But none of these sentiments actually address, center, or heal the pain you endured - instead they minimize your experiences. In reality, your experiences do matter, they are significant, and they're worth honoring. But being raised in a culture that says the opposite makes it hard to internalize this.

Another thing society likes to encourage is trauma olympics, like competing for who has it "worst". But I think what people don't realize is, as a trauma survivor and as an abuse survivor, healing from your experiences means reaching a point where you are living a happy and fulfilling life. And I think with society's sentiments, reaching that point almost feels like you're gaslighting yourself, as if what happened to you wasn't traumatizing, awful, hurtful, whatever describing word feels natural. It can be so dangerous to feel the need to indulge and wallow in the pain of trauma just to feel like you're a valid survivor (this is my problem too). I've personally found that healing means allowing honoring the pain and moving forward to coexist. Reminds me of the quote "I want it back so I drag its dead weight forward."

I can understand that disconnect between your current self and your child self that endured the trauma. And while it's not like you're still a child, that child is you. I think sometimes the internally-directed shame and disgust around validating your experiences can stem from self-gaslighting or self victim-blaming, which often work hand-in-hand.

I hope that you can find the answers, closure, and healing you seek through therapy. If anyone has any comments or suggestions, feel free to add on. Otherwise, I hope I could help, and please let us know if you need anything.

-Bun

[meditating-dog-lover]

Skin and physical and mental health update (tw)

I think intermittent fasting is causing my skin inflammation.

On Thursday my face and neck got so inflamed. I don't know what caused it - the heat or my new cleanser. Anyways I used my mom's gentle cleanser instead and applied some steroid to my face. It looks better now.

My hands looks better too, but still red and dry. Thankfully they did not get much worse after the effects of my steroid shot and pills wore off.

I've been eating anti-inflammatory and drinking aloe juice, both help a lot. I'm just looking for new condiments to use because a lot of them have refined oils.

Yesterday I got pizza for my mom and I, as well as some brownies, mozzarella sticks and jalepeno poppers. We don't eat like this everyday of course, but it was a Friday. I had some of the sticks and poppers, but then I did not want pizza and wanted to eat something healthier. I'm glad I felt this way because I want to be healthy, and I didn't even feel deprived. So I put the remaining slices in a ziploc bag and froze them.

I've been watching this doctor on Youtube with my mom who talks about how to eat for women - premenopausal and menopausal. She talks a lot about fasting and eating anti-inflammatory, but to cycle those and to eat more carbs because following a strict IF schedule doesn't work for women the way it works for men. And I love intermittent fasting, but I do believe my strict fasting has contributed to my skin inflammation. My flareups started 3 weeks after I started fasting, with no drastic changes to my diet (yes I'm fasting but I'm eating the same stuff I did before I started), stress levels, environment, and cleaning products. I've been fasting for 16 hours everyday since last Christmas, maybe 5 days where I broke my fast.

I know that the strict 16 hour fasting for 7 months straight messed with my hormones. Last time I did blood work I had elevated cortisol, estrogen, and my fasting blood sugar was higher than normal. I have insulin resistance (there is a genetic component to this as it runs in my family, but still the fact that my hormones are somewhat out of balance suggests that there is probably lifestyle triggers). I know stress can cause hormone imbalances and I've been dealing with that a lot recently as well as psychological pain from a lot of things (processing my childhood, COVID, Gaza, and seeing my physical and mental health decline), and I'm going to see a psychiatrist and a psychologist for autism testing.

I know my skin flares are hormone related because my mom's skin inflammation was the worst when she was my age and she said her skin cleared up during perimenopause. And the fact that I have elevated cortisol, estrogen dominance, and insulin resistance can be something contributing to this. My first flare appeared during puberty, but thankfully that lasted for a month or 2 and it only appeared on my right pointer and ring finger (idk why it was just those 2 fingers but I'd take that over full hand eczema). And my more severe eczema started when I started college and turned 20. It may have been a month or so before my 20th birthday actually. Also I know college stress contributed to it.

So I am convinced there is a hormonal component to eczema. It's a bit new to me as people mostly talk about diet, food sensitivities, stress, allergies, and soaps/detergents as triggers. Stress does contribute even in a hormonal way, where elevated cortisol will trigger skin inflammation. But there are things beyond just stress that can trigger hormonal imbalances and, therefore, skin inflammation. This is something that will require a deep dive, and fast and food cycling can help because a strict low-carb/sugar free (natural sugars coming from fruit and dark chocolate, and not junk food sugars) diet and fasting for 16 hours (even OMAD) is not good for women. Fasting in general and eating anti-inflammatory are great for women, but since our hormones cycle, following a strict and rigid routine longterm can mess them up and cause imbalances, and therefore inflammation.

So I'm going to fast for 13 hours now instead of 16, until my hormones are better and I see less inflammation. I normally break my fast at 12, but I can eat something light at 9 (coffee with a snack but idk what snack to have) when I get to work. Then I can look into the more complicated cycling, I just want to reverse any of the inflammation my strict fasting schedule caused me.

I've been in a lot of pain and distress over my health. It's gotten to the point where I have considered causing serious harm to myself and unaliving. I want something good to come out of this as I don't want to do that to myself, but the pain and stress and anxiety and hopelessness my health issues have caused me has caused me severe psychological damage. I'm seeing a psychiatrist for support. Whatever it takes, even a horse tranquilizer, anything to get rid of the psychological pain.

[phoenixyfriend]

When Obi-Wan gets to AotC, there's also about two dozen Anakin clones on-site. They're all girls because... IDK Anakin is trans. They have a hive mind and are developmentally a few years younger than Anakin himself.

It's incredibly unsettling to Obi-Wan.

It's almost definitely a "fuck with Anakin's already fragile mental health" ploy by Palpatine, along with a "what if Jedi Black Widows, for me, a Sith Lord. Wouldn't that be neat? That would be neat."

Anakin is torn between "this freaks me out" and "GANG OF BABY SISTERS LET'S GOOOOOOO."

(I just finished reading Like Real People Do by glimmerglanger, so this is definitely inspired by that and the obligatory 'lay back in bed and daydream variations on plot points of that fic you just really enjoyed,' and also a little by Same Heart, Same Blood by loosingletters.)

They're physically like 14-16 on average, and Anakin's vibrating out of his skin with a million conflicting emotions, but when he tells Padme she's just like "oh, you have a handmaiden gang!"

I told this to @willowcrowned and she suggested:

Once Anakin decides to repress the part of him that’s weirded out and just regard them as baby sisters he gets. A little strange about it The first time one of them dies he may or may not slaughter every person he can [in response to Padme's comment] Anakin starts worrying that he needs to get them cool matching outfits

I also chatted about it with @firebirdeternal and they said:

Gang of Unsettling Smol Siblings is exactly the Karma that Anakin deserves

Do you think the Clones have a kind of Collective Name that they use at first that eventually just kind of morphs into a new last name? Skysisters or something? Like Palpatine was trying to be clever and name them like the Nightsisters.

I initially went with "functionally one person" hive-mind but I'm torn.

I think maybe they're BASICALLY one person on Kamino but drift into Separate Consciousness once they're far enough apart physically that their minds don't blend from proximity anymore.

Then they start Dating (like half of them are dating Fett clones because they grew up with these dudes, it's like childhood friends romance), and Anakin loses his mind about Protecting Them and They're Too Young.

Padme: You're nineteen and we just got married, they can date. Anakin: THEY'RE EIGHT. Padme: And the Fett clones are ten and dying for us in the field. Get them rights before you panic about their love lives.

Firebird:

it could be worse, one of them could imprint on Obi-Wan. "Anakin I promise I won't yell at you for the next five stupid things you do if you can figure out a way to stop this baby from having a crush on me" (I like the idea of Obi-wan bargaining not with "I won't be mad at you ever" because they Both Know That's Not True, and instead haggling with specific allowances. Like he's handing out Stupidity Coupons)

Please imagine Mace and Obi-Wan's personal responses to the idea of suddenly having to deal with not one, not two, but OVER TWENTY SKYWALKERS.

Plo is delighted to take one off their hands.

So is Yoda.

Willow:

Mace is like. okay suicide isn’t the Jedi way but on the other hand. i physically cannot deal with this Yoda: a skywalker, you say? one who is tall enough to reach the top shelf, you say? such a skywalker, bring me

Anakin would be given at least one because fuck you, suffer with us, but he's still a padawan so Ugh, fine, no.

I want to say one stays on Coruscant to hang out with the Guard, and ends up half-adopted by Padme. She keeps dressing up the Aniclone left with her in handmaiden outfits and sending selfies to Anakin.

"Hanging out with the little SiL!"

Anakin has so many issues about WHEN his genetic material was acquired.

And there's some confusion from the Fett clones about how much of a hive mind is normal for Jedi. They are confused that the answer is basically none, and "this is WHY nobody clones a Jedi"

ONE OF THEM STEALS BOBA FROM THE ARENA ON GEONOSIS.

Firebird:

"I have followed in our progenitor's footsteps and acquired a sibling." holds up a struggling Boba "He bites."

Willow:

Ooooo okay so if they have a sort of hive mind then they probably don’t have names other than their designations on Kamino right BUT When they SEPARATE The one that picks Boba up on Geonosis gets a name specifically for that. Okay what if the one Padmé picks up gets some variant on ‘pretty’ because she’s always being dressed up BELLE Maybe Yoda’s Ani has a name that means thief? Because obviously Yoda is using Anakin to steal sweets

So, to make the timeline work...

I don't think anyone would give Anakin one of his sisters until after he's knighted at least.

So obviously when they're doing initial placements none of the sisters go to him or Obi-Wan.

Once he's knighted, of course they're already all placed with someone, and Anakin instead gets Ahsoka. He loves Ahsoka. She is also a little sister. He said so.

At some point afterwards, one of the sisters is left without a place because the Master that was in charge of her died in the field battle.

That sister then gets placed with Obi-Wan, because he's already mostly-successfully raised one Skywalker, so he can do it again.

Anakin gets to hang out with her basically all the time.

Ahsoka is very very jealous of this girl stealing Anakin's attention.

Anakin is oblivious to the rivalry.

He asks Barriss to look after them while he's discussing Adult War Things with Luminara and Obi-Wan, and Barriss gets an eye into This Mess, which is quickly colored by Ahsoka growing a puppy crush on the lovely Miss Offee herself.

Firebird:

Ahsoka: Ah yes, my nemesis. Anisister: Ah yes, my new older sister whom I want to impress so bad.

"I will impress her by being Stoic and Competent" "Oh my god she must think she's so much better than me what a bitch"

Anakin is oblivious to most things to be fair Anakin: Laser focused precision fighting machine who can read the tiniest body movements and predict your moves seconds in advance, who also cannot understand even the most basic social nuance. I was originally writing this as to Dunk on Anakin but then I made myself sad, because none of those things are really his fault.

So you know that post about like, Sasuke and Brooding, specifically in the context of "Brooding" as it's used to refer to Nesting Chickens? Grouchy and protective and sitting on a tennis ball trying to hatch it because they're just. "These are my Babies." Anakin Broods. Baby sisters. Must protecc. "I'm actually fine and extremely deadly in combat." "MUST PROTECT."

Bad Guy: [catches Ahsoka in a Trap] Aniclone: Must rescue sister! Aniclone: [fights, is not winning fight, gets ouched] Ahsoka tearing her way out of Trap: I lived bitch. Also: stay the fuck away from her. [murders so hard]

Ahsoka catches the Protective Older Sib feels by the traditional method: "Hey, only I'm allowed to be mean to them."

Willow:

Oh Anakin has no clue what’s going on. He walks in on Ahsoka glaring at the Ani and is like!!! Little sisters!!! Bonding!!! When Ahsoka was about three seconds away from tossing her out of the airlock. Ahsoka mistakenly assumes that Barriss has a crush on the Ani, and gets even MORE jealous.

Obi-Wan is like oh god. I can’t take care of an Anakin going through puberty again. He’s great with periods and other stuff because he read about a billion books. He is TERRIBLE with everything else, as he was the first time.

Barriss is like???? YOU'RE BOTH CHILDREN, PLEASE CALM DOWN, I HAVE ZERO INTEREST IN DATING ANYONE, LET ALONE SOMEONE YOUR AGE.

IDK how old Obi-Wan's Aniclone is, probably physically the same age as Ahsoka?

Per @atagotiak on discord:

Also something something, similarities btw Anakin and Obi-Wan where like. "Am I a parent? That seems uncomfortable, I'm too young to be a dad to a kid this age, I mean I'm cool with being a mentor/caretaker but..."

Obi-Wan can't even sidestep parenthood this time.

"Is Anakin basically your dad?" "Uhhhhhh" [Muffled discussion] "So Obi-Wan is your dad." "Okay!" "WAIT NO I DIDN'T AGREE TO THIS"

Ahsoka: She's stealing my brother, that BITCH. Obi-Wan's Aniclone: new sister new sister new sister gotta make a good impression

Firebird:

I feel like the Sister Squad would make very effective interstellar espionage agents Even like, kind of by accident. They just get encouraged to branch out in their interests and figure out what they want to do with their lives and end up all over the dang place, and since they're all pretty dang competent they tend to gravitate towards Important Positions wherever they end up. Except for one sister who just retires to raise Space Sheep.

I like that in this AU Palpatine is just like "I will create an army of Loyal Murderers who will obey my every whim and also be a big psychological lever on my Other Pet Murderer," and then they all just Baby Duckling imprint on the first Jedi to be nice to them instead and he has to just be like "Wait no not like that."

AND one of them Steals Boba

I want Obi-Wan's Aniclone to start dating Fives. All the sisters judge her for it, because he's a Goof. A very competent, ARC Trooper goof! But a goof.

Not as goofy as Anakin, though.

Firebird:

Who expects a clone of Anakin Skywalker to not make questionable lifelong romantic choices impulsively?

[thecarnivorousmuffinmeta]

also do u think it’s plausible that Tom riddle would’ve turned out better or worse if Dumbles adopted him ? i Wanna write that as a short fic but i wanna know what u would think About it first lol. not the fic itself I Am writing that regardless but the premise. (In mine he’s going to kill dumbles but other than that he actually has a solid chance at a future bc u kno he’s the Son of a Respected Man dootdoot nepotism for the win Bestie, so I don’t think he’d go bananas and end the wizarding world as we know it.)

Apologies for my poor grammar and spellings, I don’t have glasses on rn so it could be really bad.

Also really sorry if u have answered this previously I don’t think so but I’m also Very Behind on ur metas I’m sorry :( I took a break from tumblr forgetting that involves taking s break from reading u and (I forgot how to spell the vinelle? Vennelle? idk I always mix the letters up and read neville regardless,, uh the irl is the-real-vinelle if u put the correct spelling in, lol, I’m sorry abt that too) and now I gotta backread

Worse is a strong word but certainly not better.

Caveat the First

You make a note of it yourself, but I feel like I should reiterate.

Write the fic you want to write.

It really doesn't matter what I say here and that you're even asking me, before you write anything down, because you're curious has me a bit leery.

There's a very good chance I will tell you... not what you want to write. Which is fine, but certainly something to keep in mind that you should write what you want to write and not what I write below.

Don't take this too personally, basically

Caveat the Second

Dumbledore didn't do this and would never do this.

Dumbledore despises Tom Riddle, and he despises him from the very moment he meets him (which is very impressive as in that first meeting Tom doesn't really do anything, seriously, go reread that section it's... Dumbledore should not be around children).

And while he has an agenda with Harry, I'm inclined to believe that he believes what he's saying (otherwise he wouldn't use these ridiculous examples he's stored up).

Dumbledore fully believes that Tom Riddle is a doomed child because of his genetics, that his family is predisposed to mental illness (and this is a shameful thing caused by dark magic), and that his impoverished muggle upbringing reflects poorly on him (well, it's not so much that he's poor and muggle, but that Dumbledore seems to expect his muggle peasants to act like they belong in a Tolstoy novel where they're wise and generous beings, where Tom's a suspicious brat who hoards things and doesn't trust strangers who light his wardrobes on fire).

Notice that, rather than extend any helping hand, Dumbledore's instinct is to terrorize and threaten an eleven-year-old boy and then proceed to sabotage any career prospects he has as Tom continues through his schooling.

Dumbledore would make sure that Tom was never adopted by any wizarding family.

But Alright, Let's Go Down this Hell Hole Together

Well, now Tom gets to live with the motherfucker who seeks to psychologically terrorize him and is just waiting for the other shoe to drop. Tom will be kept a constant eye on, but not even that, traps will be set up throughout the house intended to tempt Tom into reading this or that forbidden book only for Dumbledore to then catch him and reaffirm that Tom has something wrong with him.

And how noble Dumbledore is, taking him on, as Dumbledore is saving this boy from perdition and uh... his genetic disposition to be a dark wizard.

Tom will be told every day of his life that something is wrong with him, that his going to Slytherin is only an affirmation of that, and Dumbledore will be constantly trying to mold his behavior through suggesting friends, reading material, how Tom should act in public and private, etc.

And Dumbledore will still sabotage any chance at a career Tom will ever have. He'll prevent him from getting any work save for those Dumbledore would deem humbling and appropriate (hello flower salesman in Diagon Alley).

I have no doubt that Tom will have no choice but to simply leave the country and cut all ties altogether. As he will have no future in England and staying near Dumbledore is just asking to be involved in constant psychological warfare.

A miserable time would be had by all

On the Meta Thing

Don't worry about it, this blog is out of control. I'm kind of shocked any one does actually keep up.

[faelapis]

not to be back on my restorative justice bs but it annoys me so much when you watch some kind of true crime content and the person says something like "they ONLY got 20 years in jail!" essentially to make you go "doesn't that make you mad? doesn't that make you wish the criminal justice system was even more punitive?? we all agree they deserve worse right?? cuz thats how it works when you think someone is guilty. you must want them to rot in jail forever cuz thats what justice is. yes i'm american in case you can't tell."

ok. lets take like twenty steps back.

it does make me sad that the crimes in question happened. its sad that someone died or got hurt or whatever the case may be. that's not in dispute.

however, no, i really don't think putting a perpetrator in jail fixes things, especially not for inhumanely long sentences. it doesnt help victims in any tangible way, and life doesnt work like a hollywood movie where the world becomes safe when the evil is defeated. socioeconomic, cultural and psychological circumstances reproduce themselves over and over again. no one is born some kind of supervillain. massive structural change to everything from economics to families is the only way to truly make crime less desirable from the perspective of the criminal.

like. you have to believe crime comes from either internal (psychological) or external (environmental) factors, or a combination, and neither is solved by a punitive system. if you believe crime is primarily a psychological issue - genetics and such - then doesn't that make jail cruel by default? you're essentially saying that this was something inherent to the person's very biology, and they obviously did not choose to have that be inherent to them.

and if you believe crime is primarily about external (environmental) factors, then i feel like i shouldn't even need to say this, but that does kinda make things society's fault, at least partially. people don't choose their environments or upbringings or socioeconomic castes either. desperate people will remain desperate under desperate circumstances.

and i know free will advocates in the "free will vs determinism" debate will argue that at the end of the day its what you "do" with the circumstances given, how you interact with them without making "excuses" for yourself, but once more - you have to believe those choices are based on something. some become criminals, some don't. either its based on learning from your environment, or its based on some kind of inherent psyche, or a combination - in which case i'd refer you to the options above. even free will absolutists dont think choices are based on nothing whatsoever or that external factors dont matter.

the point being, even assuming everything is the individual criminal's "fault" still forces you to dig deeper and think about why they're doing what they're doing. in both a psychological and societal reading, you can't really just blame the person "in a vacuum", which puts a wrench into the logic of punishment as inherently just.

also, it just... doesn't solve things. look at reoffending rates. countries with lighter sentencing with focus on rehabilitation tend to have less people commit further crimes, almost like people dont automatically get better when you punish them more harshly. and if you punish them harsher anyway, you're not doing it for any constructive reason, you're just angry and want someone to hurt.

in a punitive system, a criminal is likely get worse, because they have it reinforced that nobody cares about them. the system isnt here to help them, they have to look out for themselves. vulnerability and seeking help is not rewarded, because the people in charge have already decided to focus on punishment, not healing. therefore, no psychological issues can be solved, nor coping strategies developed to deal with societal ills that affect them. its all just about "deserving" punishment, for its own sake. who cares what "helps!" if they don't "learn" from being punished, they were "clearly" a lost cause anyway!

at that point, its really just a circlejerk to validate your own anger. like. i understand true crime shit is just entertainment on some level, like its all a story being told, and people having the audacity to form punitive opinions on how if they were in charge they'd just kill the son of a gun... or whatever else makes them feel better. whatever allows them to express their anger uncritically. but thats all affecting how this shit works in the real world. its still deeply politically unpopular in america to even allow criminals to vote, much less lower sentencing.

culture doesn't control everything, no. but a lot of true crime shit is copaganda (in the sense of protecting the existing system by focusing your attention on how depraved evil criminals "have it coming" and giving you a "happy ending" when the prosecutors get them jailed).... and there's so many gen z leftist winged eyeliner cool kids churning out that content. with no self-awareness.

sorry but if you're like a youtube leftist or feminist or whatever, it is patently insane to me to be on the side of pumping out agitprop encouraging people to hate criminals more and more without any deeper examination of that impulse. jfc.

ok. done venting my own anger now. will go pet my cats. here's some random internet cats to help you with whatever bothers you.

[meanautisticenbian]

Lilith Clawthorne has Borderline Personality Disorder: an essay

Content warnings: mentions of abuse, cults, and self harm

I don't have much of an intro but I need to get some things out of the way. 

First off, this is an essay that I made mostly for fun and because I feel like more people need to hear about this. I am not excusing Lilith's actions in any way, though hopefully this may explain some of them. 

Secondly, as you might know I have BPD myself. I'm self diagnosed yes, but I still have enough symptoms. I see a lot of myself in Lilith, as well as several traits, and I hope that this essay will be informative.

With all that being said, let's get into the analysis starting with the symptoms that are only hinted at. One of the hallmarks of Borderline Personality Disorder is an intense fear of abandonment, which Lilith seems to display disgusted as her desire to cure Eda's curse. If it's not clear enough, Eda's really the only thing Lilith cares about, which makes sense since she's clearly the only thing she has. We know that she isn't super close to Amity, despite what fans want to believe, we don't know if she's formed any positive relationships with anyone in the Emperor's Coven and it would say a lot of she didn't. With all that in mind, she is clearly very close to Eda and whenever she tries to get away from her, Lilith is always either pissed off or saddened. Sure, this could just be because she wants to heal Eda's curse and is most likely being punished by Belos, and that's why this is listed as something that's hinted at. Then again, Catra from She Ra is BPD coded as well and she mostly wanted to bring Adora back to the Horde because Shadow Weaver wanted her and was an abusive piece of shit, but it was pretty obvious that she also just wanted her crush and only friend back, so I don't see how this can't be applied to Lilith as well.

Lilith seems to have a black–and–white view on the people around her and maybe even herself. Whenever Eda escapes her, she suddenly flips from being loving and caring to her and really acting like she cares about her to treating her like she just pissed on her waffles. Her way of viewing other people (mostly Eda) is another symptom of BPD, being a black–and–white view on everything and rapid changes in self image and views of everyone else. One moment she views Eda as a beautiful and loving sister, the next she's just an old woman slowing her down. One moment Belos is a trustworthy leader, next he's a monstrous tyrant. One moment Luz is an annoying child she can use as bait, next she's her only hope in saving Eda.

She seems to harbor some of these feelings to herself as well. One moment she acts like she's fully aware of the baddie she is, and next she seems to hate herself. Another valid explanation is that this could also be viewed as her hiding her insecurities since she is clearly one to hold back those emotions and she only ever seems to let Eda see this side of her (save for Luz in the season 1 finale) but this is still a common BPD trait that seems to fit her so it would make sense.

Now let's move on to the more explicit symptoms. If it's not obvious enough, Lilith has some major anger issues. She was ready to kill Eda after she did as much as annoy her in Covention and tell her how worthless her life is after she (actually Luz) escapes her in Once Upon a Swamp. It was certainly reasonable for her to be upset about Luz accidentally blowing up the side of a building, but she had a worse outburst over her sister rhyming.

Now we move on to what I think is her most obvious trait: her impulsiveness. Like I said before, Lilith tends to have sudden violent outbursts and act without thinking. It doesn't excuse anything she's done but it certainly does explain a LOT.

It could be a possible explanation for why her first instinct was to use Luz as a human shield while she was fighting Eda and threw Luz off a cliff in order to get Eda to use all her magic instead of making a new bubble for Luz or doing literally anything that WOULDN'T harm Luz. This could maybe (key word) also provide an explanation for why she cursed Eda instead of going and talking to her (assuming she didn't), but her disorder seems to stem more from trauma than it does genetics, both of which are ways BPD can manifest.

Mood swings are another symptom she definitely has, but that can easily be paired with the point about her changes in self image and how she views others, as well as the points about her anger and impulsivity, so I won't go into detail about that.

Depression, guilt, and ongoing feelings of emptiness are obvious traits that don't need much explaining.

The last major trait wanna bring up is self harm and self destructive and suicidal behavior. I couldn't really find any point in which she showed any suicidal tendencies or urges to hurt herself and it is most likely that she won't be showing those traits at any point in the future, though I do believe it is possible that the show may depict self destructive behaviors in her. Obviously, she wouldn't be shown cutting or burning herself, but maybe it could be displayed in a more PG fashion such as her not taking proper care of herself or having risky behaviors.

There are nine main traits of BPD and one needs to have at least five of them to get a diagnosis. Lilith seems to exhibit six and possibly seven of these traits. I could end it here by saying that Lilith definitely has BPD and needs a hug, but we're not done yet.

Despite what most people might say about borderline people and how we're depicted, we're more likely to be victims of abuse than we are abusers. Most of the time the trauma from the abuse is the cause of the disorder, for those who don't inherit it. Many people with the disorder have claimed to have been physically, sexually, psychologically or emotionally abused or neglected during their lifetime. We don't know the exact details of Lilith's time in the coven or what it was like for her, all we know is that it was basically a cult and she definitely experienced some form of abuse. We know that emotional and psychological abuse were definitely present in her and Belos's relationship, and there is definitely a possibility that there was some physical abuse as well. As for neglect, there isn't really anything that can support the claim even if it seems plausible, and logically speaking, she most likely wasn't sexually abused simply just because this is a family show, so unless Disney is ok with Dana going THERE, that one's a little too far out of the realm of possibility.

So, where does that leave us? Well if I'm being honest, she definitely seems to have a case of untreated and probably undiagnosed BPD caused by a series of traumatic events. And the thing is, she's only in 6/19 episodes in the series so far, and we've probably only really seen the tip of the iceberg. She could have a lot more going on with her that we will definitely see in season 2, I highly doubt she won't.

Lilith is definitely BPD coded, and whether the rep is intentional or not, it's still something I can consider good rep. It's super rare that you find borderline characters in the media that are not abusers, manipulators, or terrible, irredeemable people in general. Lilith is not a bad person whatsoever, and even if she's not much of a good person either, she's not irredeemable. She certainly has a long way to go, but with proper guidance and psychological help, she will get there eventually.

I would like to finish this off by saying I'm not trying to excuse or condone her actions, I am simply addressing how it's possible for her to be borderline, based on what screen time she has and my own experiences. I just want to express my appreciation for what rep we have, as well as analyzing her character a bit.

Thank you all for reading

- Sunny