#and just lie there until my mom or one of her siblings called for her at dinnertime

[hugepolecat3298]

our air conditioning broke and since my dog is a spoiled little 21st century baby she doesn’t understand that the inside of houses aren’t actually naturally temperate so she just lies panting in the living room thinking that there’s something wrong with her and refuses to go downstairs to cool off unless you physically move her

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for being too close to my childhood best friend?

(This is so long I'm so sorry, there's just a fair bit of info.)

Me (22F) and Jake (23F) grew up together. Our mothers were friends for years and got pregnant around the same time, and we've basically been side by side our whole lives. We consider each other platonic soulmates and siblings.

Jake has had a girlfriend (Lucy, 23F) for the last seven months. I really like Lucy, she's so funny, so interesting, and she clearly makes Jake happy. There's been one or two awkward moments between us, but its never been anything that lingered or caused problems.

Now I know how people generally act/think about "the girl best friend" so when Jake said he was thinking of asking Lucy out, I made sure to back off a bit. Instead of having a brate (bro date, just hanging out doing something like bowling, Maccas, movie theatre, ect) once a week I said we should have one once a month, I don't call him just to hang on the phone together anymore, I make sure to not message at all on the days I know they have dates planned, ect.

I've really, really done my best to not get in the way, to make sure Lucy knows he really is just my brother, and I've tried to give them both space as someone who is not involved in their relationship.

I thought I was doing really well because its never really come up until this week. It was Jake and I's brate day and we decided to go to the mall so I could shop for clothes and he could get the slushies he likes there. Lucy knew where we'd be, and "happened" to show up, which was fine. Like I said, I like hanging out with her, and I actually thought it was cool I could get another girl's opinion on my outfit.

Jake decided to try on some clothes too while he was there and it turned into something of a mini fashion show of both of us showing off our possible choices. Lucy seemed to alternate between really having fun and going quiet. She refused to try on any herself but grinning and laughing while Jake and I were, and while we were taking turns playfully hyping each other up.

Jake tried on a pair of jeans and I was teasing him and said "damn dude, look at all that ass" trying to make him embarrassed. This was when Lucy muttered something I didn't quite hear, and politely suggested I should leave. Both Jake and I were really confused and taken aback and Lucy kind of shrugged and said things like this were things couples should do, and it was really inappropriate of me to make a sexual comment about her boyfriend while she was right there.

I didn't want to make a scene so I said I'd go, but Jake argued back and said it was clearly just joking around and he's sick of her getting upset at literally anything I do, or he does with me, which was surprising because it was the first I heard that she's had actual complaints.

We all wound up sitting down in the food court to talk and Lucy basically said that she's growing more and more uncomfortable with how close Jake and I are as her and Jake get closer, even though Jake and I's interactions have drastically dropped since they started dating. She thinks its weird we have friendship bracelets (our families went on a double vacation when we were 14 and me and Jake bought those cheap seaside shell bracelets in matching colors, that's literally it) and we hang out alone once a month (even though she's been invited multiple times and always refuses) and she thinks its even weirder than our families are so close and call us siblings.

I won't lie, it killed me inside, but I offered to back off entirely and only be around Jake in group settings, if at all, but Jake cut in and said that wasn't a compromise he was willing to make, and asked Lucy to talk more in private. They left together and trying to be respectful, I haven't reached out at all to either of them while they talk it through.

Jake's mom came over today to hang out with mine, and wound up telling me the last few days Jake has been stressed out, miserable, and isn't sure about staying with Lucy. She said it was a shame because Lucy seemed so nice, but she also said she was proud of him because I was family and Lucy's insecurity wasn't reasonable.

It made me feel sad and like I was hurting Jake by interfering with his relationship again, so I asked some of my online friends from a game I play and the opinion was kind of split. They all agreed I've never spoken about Jake in a way that hinted I liked him, but also that as girls, they'd feel weird anyway about knowing their boyfriend had this close bond with another girl, and they'd be wondering what the future would look like and if our friendship would get in the way of choices like moving, starting a family.

Now I feel completely lost and honestly a little scared of both losing Jake and apparently ruining his life by being so close to him. None of the rest of our IRL friend group has ever brought anything up about it, and I don't know if this is Lucy being jealous or if this is my fault.

What are these acronyms?

[irisbleufic]

YOUR 3 CATS ARE SO CUTE OMG! How old are they/what are their stories?

Like many young-ish queer married couples, @one-eyed-bossman and I entered the fast track to pet parenthood in 2020. I was still recovering from extensive cancer treatment at the time, which is part of what makes our first kitty especially meaningful to me.

ZEL

Zel is my darling girl. She’s now 5 years old, and when we adopted her in June of 2020, she was already 1 year old. After being rescued on the streets at a few weeks old with her two personable siblings, she spent an entire year at this lady’s house with like 20 other cats at any given time. She was feral and unapproachable, but somehow I was able to get close enough to her at the rescue to pick her up and put her in the carrier. She nailed me with her claws in the process, but that’s the only time she’s ever hurt me or anyone else. The day after we got her home, I stuck my hand behind the bed in her safe room, and she set her little paw square in my palm and left it there for about a minute. I spent a couple of months crawling halfway under the bed to pet her while she was curled in her bed, and eventually I could get her to follow me around the house by asking, “Do you want to go for a walk?” She barely left my side after that. I spent a lot of 2020 sick in bed; she always curled up snugly between my ankles or my knees. She’s now the smartest cat I’ve ever met. Her language recognition shocks me even after 4 years of having her as a silly little shadow who likes to play fetch with her pink-eared mouse toy. She’s stuck to my side any time I’m on the sofa, and about a month ago she climbed fully in my lap for the first time. Her meow is barely a whisper when she does use it (only to talk to me and occasionally to the TV), but the trills, squeaks, and yowls she makes to talk to her toys are hilarious. She doesn’t even talk to her siblings like that. Unlike many white cats, she is not deaf.

NICKY

We got Nicky a year after we got Zel; he was about 8 weeks old when we brought him home in June of 2021. We met a kind lady who periodically bred her lovely Bengal queens, and Nicky was somehow a “non-show-quality” (?!!) discount kitten. He’s sweet, goofy, vocal, afraid of everything/everyone that’s outside the house, and occasionally very naughty. We hoped he would bring Zel the rest of the way out of her shell, and it worked. He just adored her from day one. She took a few months to warm up to him, but they bonded pretty fast. Now, at 3 years old, he’s a big boy—17 pounds. He likes to stand/sit on laps more than he likes to lie down in them, although he will lie down in mine a couple times a week. He brings me granola bars from the cupboard and loves trash more than he likes his toys:

EMBER

We hadn’t planned on a third cat, but the universe insisted. I mean that quite literally. On 31 July 2022, my mother died at my sister’s place a couple of states away. The morning she died, me and my four siblings took a walk around my sister’s neighborhood. We split up and went slightly different ways; my sister and her husband called me as I was getting back to the house to say that a tiny, tiny crying kitten had run out of the bushes toward them. My sister didn’t know what to do; one of my nieces is very allergic, and we were all burnt-out from dealing with Mom’s passing and the funeral home taking away her body. I told her to bring the kitten back to the house, because I was too grief-stricken to let another thing die that day. Out on the porch, I fed her milk from one of the droppers we were using to give my mom morphine, all the while making desperate phone calls to local rescues. After about 3 hours, a local vet with specialty in caring for bottle baby kittens came to pick her up. She told me that, because I didn’t live too far away in the grand scheme of things, she could foster the baby until she was old enough for me to arrange transport to my home state. There was no way I could walk away from that little baby, so I got regular photos, videos, and updates from her foster mom until I could arrange transport about 5 months later (she came home in December of 2022). She has grown up to be the feistiest tortie I’ve ever met. She has far longer hair than I ever could have guessed, and even now that she’s 1.5 years old, she has very short legs (longer end of munchkin, our vet says!) and an overall smaller stature than her siblings. She fucking adores Nicky, and he has never once played too rough for her given the size disparity. He lets her chase him, jump on him, bap him into play fights, etc. She will cry and cry at night if we don’t pick her up and carry her around before we close the bedroom doors (they get to sleep in the bedroom sometimes, but not always; Nicky likes to knock picture frames off the wall in there, and I’m not about exposing them to broken glass).

[wintersoldiersoul]

She's Here

Summary: When you lose one of the most important people in your life, Bucky is there to support you

TWS: Death of a loved one (best friend), suicide and depression, grief, angst, fluff, talk about what happens after death

You were at your happiest just sitting on the couch with Bucky. It was a rare occurrence that you both had free time like this so you took full advantage when you did. Your body rested against his with his arms wrapped around you, both of you focused on the movie playing on the tv screen. Bucky’s hand idly played with your hair, running the strands through his fingers in the most comforting way.

Suddenly, your phone rang, breaking you out of the peaceful trance you had been in. It was a random number, so you ignored it. But then it rang again. And again. You answered it, curiosity peaked at who was calling you so many times.

“Y/N?” A female voice said over the line. “It’s Y/B/F/N’s mom.” The woman was clearly crying.

Your heart rate picked up. Why was your best friend’s mother calling you at this hour on a friday night? “Is everything okay?” You said, panic rising in your own voice. Bucky’s eyes were fixed on you as you sat up, suddenly much more alert than you had been.

You went stone cold at the next words. She was dead. Your best friend in the entire world, was dead. She had killed herself. She had lost the battle with depression that you knew she had faced her entire life. 

You hung up the phone a moment later with shaking hands. You stared out into the vast openness off the room, not knowing what to do. 

“Baby?” Bucky whispered. He knew something was wrong.

“She’s dead.” Your voice was barely audible. You couldn’t believe you were saying the words out loud. Just hours ago you had spoken to your best friend on the phone, talking about her upcoming trip to visit you in New York. “Y/B/F/N is dead.” 

“What do you need?” Bucky asked immediately. He wanted to wrap you up and hold you but he also understood if you just needed space. He didn’t wanna startle you.

You looked up at him, mouth open, trying to find words. You had no idea what you needed at this moment.

Your body fell into him as the sobs started to wrack your body. He held you close, like he was afraid you might slip away. “I’m so so sorry,” he whispered.

Bucky was no stranger to losing people that he loved. Sure, it might not have been exactly the same. He had woken up from decades of brainwashing in a brand new world, a world where everyone he loved was dead. But still, he understood the feeling of grief.

He knew how close you and your best friend were. You had grown up together. Had done everything together. You never missed your weekly calls, even if you were busy. You always made the time because she was the most important person in your life, next to Bucky. Losing her was like losing half of yourself.

“I-I don’t know what to do!” You cried, struggling to breathe.

Bucky didn’t let go of you that night, carrying you to bed while you sobbed until he finally got you calm enough to sleep.

Three days later

You stared at your reflection in the mirror. This isn’t real, you thought as you smoothed the black dress on your body. This isn't real. She’s gonna call me any second. 

“Are you ready?” Bucky’s gentle voice said. He sounded so far away. Everything sounded, and felt so far away. This isn’t real. 

You sighed. “No. I don’t think there’s any way for me to be ready for this.”

“Today is gonna be hard, I’m not gonna lie.” He walked over to you, wrapping his arms around your frame from behind, just trying to give you comfort in any way. “But I’ll be there the whole time. I’ll be right next to you.”

You cried when you saw her parents. Her siblings. You cried again when the service started, but pulled yourself together before it was your turn to speak.

“Hi everyone,” you began, voice already shaking. “My name is Y/N. Y/B/F/N was my best friend in the entire world. She was my sister.” Your voice cracked as you spoke and you paused to collect yourself. “It’s impossible to put our friendship into words.” You couldn’t control it anymore as a sob rang out from the depths of your body. Bucky immediately rushed up, prepared to do whatever you needed to help you get through the speech. “I-I can’t,” you whispered so only he could hear it.

“It’s okay, it’s okay,” he said quietly. He unwrapped himself from you and took your place at the podium. “We became friends on the first day of kindergarten,” Bucky spoke, reading your words for you to the crowd. “The first thing she said to me was that my shoes were ugly and that we had to hang out so that she could pick out new ones for me.” 

You watched from the side as his steady voice recounted your relationship with your best friend. You wished you were stronger. That you could have read the words yourself. But at least Bucky was there to step in when you couldn’t. It was important to you that the things you had written were heard by everyone in that room.

Back at her mother’s house, after the service, you greeted person after person who gave their condolences. It felt like a broken record, sitting there, saying thank you to each and every person who walked through the door. You were exhausted.

“We can go home, baby,” Bucky said, noticing the sad, empty look in your eyes.

You nodded in agreement, suddenly unable to bear another moment of the current setting you were in. 

“I could have done more.” Those were the first words you said when you and Bucky walked into the threshold of your home. “I could have helped her! I could have saved her!”

“Oh angel…” He hugged you, rubbing a comforting hand up and down your back. “You were always there for her. Every single day. You never missed a phone call, never left a text unanswered. She was your world. And she knew that. Trust me, she knew.”

“But what if there was something else I could have done?” You raised your voice, the anger stage of grief beginning to hit. “I should have noticed she wasn’t okay! I- I thought she was better! I thought she was doing better but she wasn’t and I should have known!”

Bucky’s eyes were full of pain. His heart was shattered into so many pieces on your behalf. “Listen to me. You did everything that you could. This is not your fault.”

“I just…” your voice trailed off. “I should have known,” you finished, quietly. “I wish I could tell her how much I love her just one more time. I need her to know.” Hot tears burned down your face.

“She knows. Somewhere, somehow, she knows. She will always know.” 

Later that night, you and Bucky laid in bed. “What do you believe in, when it comes to death?” you asked.

“Honestly? I have no idea,” he said. “I don’t know if I believe in heaven and hell in a traditional sense. But since I don’t know, I chose to believe whatever brings me comfort. I think that people who pass are watching over us, somehow. I like to believe that they can see us and hear us. And that they show themselves to us through the little things. Like a breeze blowing when you think of them. Or even a dream. I think that the dead have their ways of communicating with us.” He stroked your hair as he spoke.

“I like that,” you replied. “I’ve never really known what to believe either. I guess I’ve never really believed in anything. But you’re right. If we don’t know what actually happens, we have to believe in whatever gives comfort.”

“She’s here with you, baby. Somehow, she’s here. And she knows how much you love and miss her.”

You curled up against him. “I don’t know how to live without her,” you said, another round of tears spilling.

“She’s with you, honey. She is.” 

A week later, you and Bucky were on a walk. He tried to get you out of the house as much as possible, terrified that your grief would overtake you and pull you into a darkness that you’d never climb out of. 

“Tell me a story about her,” he said, his hand clutching yours.

“She loved rain,” you laughed lightly. “She was always forcing me to go outside in the rain with her. I don’t know why. But I can’t even tell you how many times we just ran around, getting soaked until we both ended up with colds.”

Bucky smiled at you as you spoke, telling him stories about you and your best friend and how you would stay outside for hours getting drenched.

As you continued, the sky turned gray. Thick, heavy raindrops pounded on the pavement.

“See that?” Bucky said. “She’s here with you. She’ll always be here.”

[arabriddler]

Finally sharing my ventriloquist ! ( thank you @plainiack-arts for the Arnold talk it encouraged me to finish this up)

anyways, I like both Peyton and Arnold so I thought, well, we can have both no one’s stoping us.

Peyton was the eldest siblings with three younger siblings. Her father had left many years ago and her mom took care of them, or, was supposed to, but because of a demanding job her mom was usually very very busy, and Peyton loved her and wanted to help out by taking care of her siblings and the house and everything, even if it meant she’d secretly drop off school and pretend she was accepted for a scholarship that paid off school. This is where Scarface started to show up. He came as a voice from the little sock puppet she made to entertain her siblings. ( He’s called Scarface because the sock had a hole in it ). Scarface was smart and taught Peyton how to lie. Scarface’s influence grew with Peyton and her skills with making puppets. Scarface wanted a better body and to be a ‘real man’. So Peyton developed him and kept building him better. Except the more she listened about him the more he became real in a way. Peyton was the perfect daughter and the perfect eldest sister. Her siblings loved her and trusted her, and she always encouraged them to make a nice life for themselves. Peyton had to sacrifice a lot for them, but she didn’t mind because she loved them. Scarface though was angry. He thought if he was to be tied up with someone it shouldn’t be someone as Weak and pathetic as Peyton. He’s torment her at night and sometimes he’d break her siblings’ toys and rip their homework out of frustration. Her siblings were upset even when Peyton would explain it wasn’t her it was Scarface. They started to distance themselves and Scarface grew stronger. One day, he laid a hand on her sibling, and Peyton throw Scarface away ( only to pick him up again, an obsession ).

her siblings eventually listened to her, to take care of themselves, and they left one by one. One went to college, one joined a band, and the last just slipped away, he was just 14. Peyton was proud that they’d cut her off and be better, but Scarface was furious and just very very angry. He cut her face once to prove that she’s not better than him. This war between them kept growing until Scarface killed Peyton’s mom so Peyton could just grow up, and Peyton picked up the gun and killed him. Then, she called the GCPD to report her mom’s murder, except they ended up detaining her and taking her to Arkham!

[cosmicfait]

𝐃𝐀𝐃! 𝐂𝐇𝐑𝐈𝐒 who…

forgive me for any spelling mistake, my first language isn’t english.

dad! chris who… always does everything for his little princess.

dad! chris who… would buy everything for his little girl.

“look what dad just bought for you…” chris tells the 9-month-old baby while showing some toys he bought for his little girl.

dad! chris who… would always hug his girl skin to skin.

dad! chris who… would give his princess a younger sibling if she asked.

“baby, cmon, let me fuck another child in you.” chris said while your internal walls squeezed his cock that fucked you so deep.

then weeks later you find out that you were pregnant with your second child.

dad! chris who… would always put his daughter to do any sport or dance she wants.

dad! chris who… would be the funniest father of all, always doing clowning and tickle wars with your little one.

dad! chris who… would warn his daughter if she disrespected you.

"mom, you’re so boring!” the little one grumbles angry, hitting her little feet on the floor while ignoring the fact that you were calling her.

chris noticing the whole situation, goes to the girl. "never talk to your mother like that again, do you understand? treat her with more respect! she’s not boring! apologize to her now." chris spoke in an authoritarian and warned tone.

seconds later you just hear the girl's footsteps going towards you, apologizing and saying how much she loves you.

dad! chris who… would never let you make a lot of effort, and I would always take care of you and your daughter.

"baby, this is heavy, I hold it for you, lie down and relax." chris says while holding the little one on his lap and taking your things with another arm, while placing a kiss on your forehead.

dad! chris who… would make your daughter enjoy the last moments as an only child, and would do everything for her, from ice cream with dad to fun walks in the park.

dad! chris who… would be with you every second during the labor of your second child.

“i love you, baby. i’m so proud of you, you’re doing so well.” he caresses your hand gently, feeling horrible for the pain you felt.

dad! chris who… cried the moment he saw his second son.

dad! chris who… took care of you in the postpartum until the return home.

dad! chris who… woke up in the middle of the night demanding that you go back to sleep, and then he took care of the little boy who cried hungry.

dad! chris who… is certainly the best father and husband in the world.

[rachelsshowerthoughts]

Not Aware AU exactly but kinda tangential. I always toyed with this idea of "Kagami was transferred into Adrien's class when she joined the school."

This could be in S2, or be because Tomoe saw Adrien was attending school and she's got those later season machinations & sends Kagami to make sure he's not snagged by a gold digger.

(In the former case its just in S2, while in the latter it starts after Princess Fragrance.)

This was fine and fun at first, but Kagami is more willing to start shit with Chloe & much less patient with Adrien's continued softness.

Plus, Adrien can't really explain why he's fond of Chloe cos its a mixture between he can't imagine his life without her (Sibling coded) & stuff like, "She was there for me when mom disappeared & got me into school".

This leads to her at some point losing her patience and dragging both off to a classroom and basically saying "Either she needs to improve or you need to drop her, because this cannot go on."

You'd expect it to be a two on one but Adrien's efforts to play peacemaker lead to Kagami arguing with him as well.

Then when one of Chloe's major blows lands hard against Adrien, "Our parents harm more people every day than I do in a year and you still love them, hypocrites!"

It does nothing to Kagami, because she doesn't love her mother, she respects her, obeys her and fears her wrath but she doesn't love her even a little and she assumed Adrien was the same.

He is not the same & is in fact kind of defensive of his father at such a blatant rejection of one's own family and how uncomfortable it makes him.

It basically descends from there, cos I love slow burns but sometimes its just like, "Hmm what if they all started screaming their issues that they do not realize are issues at the top of their lungs?"

None of these kids know therapy talk so their languages on it is already going to be shit even before we remember literally not a one of them has much in the way of healthy communication or good social skills outside of formal events so:

So you have Chloe defending stuff like destroying Roses' letter because "That's how Mama handles it when I give her bad gifts, she's telling me to do better and one day I'll get it right!" As well as "Why would Papa want to see me when he doesn't need me for something? He's not a lunatic control freak like your parents."

Then you have Adrien defending stuff like, "I know my dads cold and has impossible standards and barely lets me do anything I want but he is protective and just wants what's best for me!" & "My mom was always kind to me, she was perfect even if she never let me go out or have a birthday either!"

& Kagami defending Tomoe with, "It doesn't matter how I feel about Adrien, or my instructions, I act as I do because it is for the good of my family. My emotions, my life don't matter at all before that duty!"

So its just three incredibly fucked up abused kids steadily airing each others and their own families laundry list of abusive traits and experiences under the pretext of saying "No my family is normal & OK yours is the bad one" and "How dare you call 'that' bad, when your parent does this!"

(Also Chloe may think Gabriel killed Emilie or otherwise would rather have Adrien sealed in amber forever than as an actual living boy,)

With this continuing until it either gets physical or they basically collapse.

Meanwhile the class is just watching in mounting horror and disgust and discomfort. (Nino is likely especially pissed) Like even with Chloe it may not justify her behavior but it puts so much of it in a new deeply messed up context where it kind of makes sense she doesn't even know how to be nice.

To quote a friend of mine:

The rich kids have taken knives to each other. They've cut open their festering wounds. The rot is exposed, scrubbed raw. While they lie angry, bleeding, crying, and dying [inside], they have the opportunity to look upon themselves once more and apply new dressings.

I can see it, but unless Gabriel is ACTUALLY out of the country, all three get Akumatized. My thoughts are a weird mix Grimm Brothers Fairytales - Cinderella, Snow White, Hansel & Gretel, etc. Not in specific, but like. More fairytale tropes?

Adrien is the "Cinderella"-style. Rapunzel, Snow White-style, "One Day My Prince Will Come"-style. The type of character that has to sacrifice and sacrifice, and will eventually be rewarded. If he does one more photo shoot, one more public appearance, *scrubs one more floor*, his father will finally love him. He'll finally have the happy ending he wants. He just has to stick it out - cause his dad DOES love him, right? (As a possession, if at all.)

Chloé is more of the "Trials"-style. Complete this mission-style. Knit twelve sweaters from nettles, and your brothers will become human again. Find the right goose, and get set free. Defeat the evil witch, and the spell is broken. If Chloé tries hard enough, does and says the right things, her parents will love her, show her affection. She'll finally be worth something. (All of it performative and shallow, until they raise the bar to another impossible height. Always keeping her dependant on them.)

Kagami, weirdly, I see as more endurance, or contract style - like a flipped version of Adrien. She isn’t really trying to "change" her situation the way Chloé or Adrien are, (for value of "trying to change it", ie, playing along with their parents games because that’s all they know to do) she's accepted this is the way it is, and is simply trying to endure it. Go through the motions. Hold up your end of the bargain. Work within the bonds of your deal, to do as little harm as you can, while still fulfilling your end. One day, you'll be out. You'll be free. (As if her mother will ever set her free.)

[bluejaysandblackbats]

You're Just Like Quicksand

Fandom: DC Comics, Batfam, Batman Beyond

Summary: Jason Todd is ready to go into semi-retirement after fifteen years working with troubled youth, but one case in particular forces him to confront the sins of his youth and painful memories from his past.

Chapters: 14/?

Characters: Jason Todd, Terry McGinnis, Warren McGinnis, Mary McGinnis, Matt McGinnis, Bruce Wayne, Original Character(s)

Relationship(s): TBA

Additional Tags: Protective Jason Todd, Good Sibling Jason Todd, Retired Jason Todd, Multiple POV, Hurt/Comfort, Parent-Child Relationships, Canon Divergent AU, Angst, Mourning Jason Todd

Chapter Fourteen: Fathers and Sons (Terry McGinnis' POV)

I hadn’t heard from Jason in over two years, but he was at the funeral. I thought it was strange. I wondered who invited him. I wondered why he stood so far away. Mom couldn’t move. She couldn’t process any of it. So, we stood beside her as everyone paid their respects and went home. They could go home. I couldn’t. I could never go home again. I had to officially move in with Mom once they let me into the crime scene that was once my dad’s apartment. Everyone left, and I stayed behind. Mom took Matt home, and Jason finally approached. I couldn’t pretend. I resented him for letting me go without a reason. So, I let him have it. I couldn’t remember what I said, but I know it was harsh. He stood there, tall and strong with sadness in his eyes. Jason didn’t move. He didn’t flinch. I tore into him until I didn’t have any other words to describe how I felt. And without missing a beat, he said, “I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you… But I knew you were good. I wouldn’t have done that if I didn’t think you could handle it… But I missed it. Every moment.”

I swallowed hard. My stomach was in knots. It only took a few little sentences for me to forgive him. I knew he’d understand my grief. My anger. My emptiness. “What are you doing here?” I questioned, my voice breaking as I asked him. 

“I promised Mary that I’d look after you while you got your things. I also promised her that I’d try to get you to eat. We could get whatever you want,” Jason whispered, “We’ll go eat… And then we’ll get your stuff. I promise.” 

“Why? Why now?” I asked. 

“Because I lost my parents as a kid. And in retrospect, I think I needed someone who could show me how to process grief without being pacified with emotionally addictive coping mechanisms. Are you alright with me coming around for a little while?” Jason questioned. I wanted to say no. I wanted to pretend I didn’t need him, but I couldn’t lie. I nodded. 

** 

After Jason took me to eat, we went to the apartment. Jason came with me, and he stood by quietly while I packed everything that I could into a box. Everything I owned fit into one big box. It made me feel sick and empty in my chest. I looked up at Jason, almost pleading for him to feel it for me. Feel my pain.  

“One of the kids in my program took my family from me. He got too attached… And he—. He developed a jealous streak. He thought I passed his case on because of my children… And he took them from me. I was afraid that those feelings would keep me from helping you… And I didn’t want to make the same mistake of passing your case onto someone else, so I stepped away. Besides, you were so independent. You didn’t need me as much. You and Warren were doing alright. But, he—. He called me. He said something changed a few months ago. What was it?” Jason questioned. The confession seemed out of place. 

“It wasn’t like that. I get into with some guy at school sometimes, but it’s—. Dad was swamped at work. He didn’t have the time to talk about it anymore… So, I stopped explaining. I’m not messing around with gangs or stealing anymore. I swear,” I promised him. He nodded. “I would’ve understood if you told me what happened to your kids. I’m sorry, Jason.”

“It’s—. Thank you… I probably should’ve explained, but I—. It’s a lot to dredge up,” Jason replied, “Which is why I want you to talk about this on your own time. I’ll be available whenever you feel like talking about him. I spent a lot of time talking to Warren. We became friends. He was kind to me.”

“What did you have in common with my dad?” I questioned. 

Jason smiled as tears slid down his cheeks. “He had a normal life… Normal problems… But this—.”

“Feels wrong… I don’t think Dad would’ve opened the door for those twips,” I interrupted him.

Jason nodded as he looked around. He must’ve seen something because his jaw tightened. “Terry, after today… don’t come back here. Something’s not right. This isn’t—. If you see something weird, I want you to call me,” Jason whispered. He stepped into the doorway, and I could tell there was something wrong in his eyes. A switch flipped, and he scanned over everything. 

“What is it?” I questioned. Jason shook his head as he took me to his car. His face went dark, and he looked around. 

“I don’t know… I just feel strange about all of this, Terry. Get in the car, and I’ll take you to Mary’s. It’s getting dark,” Jason whispered. He shut the door and got in the driver’s seat. I looked at Jason. 

“Does this mean I’m back in the program?” I asked. I felt stupid as soon as I asked it. 

“Is that what you want?” Jason questioned. 

He wanted me to say it. Not for his ego. I don’t think he had one, but it was all for me. He wanted to know what I wanted. And he needed me to ask him. I started hyperventilating, and Jason tapped the dashboard between us until I calmed down. “I don’t know what I’m gonna do without my dad,” I mumbled.

“And I can’t fill that space, but I can create a space for you to cope if you’ll let me help you,” Jason answered. 

We didn’t say anything else for the whole ride home, and he walked me up to the door and said goodbye to my mom and Matt before leaving. And somewhere in between me entering my room and seeing Matt, I dropped my dad’s picture and found the disc. And that’s when I decided to get involved with Bruce Wayne. I didn’t know much about the old man, and I didn’t really care, but I needed his help. I knew I couldn’t go to Jason because he’d tell me not to get involved. He would’ve taken over, and I wanted my own answers… and it was Mr. Wayne’s company. 

**

Jason picked me up from school after Powers’ people accosted me. He pinched the bridge of his nose, before sighing. Avery-Marie sat in the back seat, kicking her feet. She had noise-canceling headphones on. “Are you okay?” Jason asked.

“I’m alright… Is that Avery-Marie? She’s so big now,” I whispered. 

“Yeah… She’s in kindergarten… Why is Powers’ muscle hassling you?” Jason questioned. 

I shook my head like I didn’t know, and he accepted it. He knew I was lying, but he didn’t push for an answer. “Powerphones off,” Jason commanded, and Avery-Marie looked up. 

“Grandpa, can I have a cookie in the car?” Avery-Marie asked. 

“Sure, Avie. Did you see Terry in the front seat?” Jason questioned.

“Hi, Terry! Do you want a cookie too?” Avery-Marie offered. Her blonde curls reached past her shoulders, and she wore glitter star stickers on her face. “Grandpa, is Terry coming over to play?” 

Jason tapped the steering wheel as he started driving. “Not today, Sweetpea… Terry’s busy.” Avery-Marie pouted as she handed me a cookie.

“Maybe some other time… ‘Kay, Avery-Marie?” I offered. 

Jason nodded. “If he’s free, maybe he can babysit sometimes,” Jason suggested. He wanted me at the office. I knew what that meant. He wasn’t ready to let the situation with Powers go. Not completely anyway.

[multifandomslxt]

🌸LIAR🌸

(Bsf brother! Yuta x Black Chubby reader)

Synopsis: Yuta, Y/n’s best friend's brother just came home from college to a beautiful surprise in the form of thick thighs, stomach pudge, puppy eyes, and a little bit of lies.

Warnings: Mentions of a kn*fe, smut and lies.

Word count: 1.8 k (ik I went overboard)

“Oh, Yuta’s coming tomorrow” My best friend of 6 years says to me in the most casual way possible.

I turn to look at her in shock “What?”

We were seated in a booth at our favourite diner ‘PHUCK ONMEI’.

Yup, its exactly that

We were having our weekly tea pill over some cherry cokes and cheesy fries when she just dropped this bomb.

“Lisa, I’m not fucking with you. What do you mean your brother’s coming tomorrow?”

She rolls her eyes and slams her tall class of coke on the table “My brother, Yuta Nakamoto - the man you’ve been wanting to jump your draws since first year high school - is coming tomorrow”

I slapped her hand at the rude but true comment.

I’ve had a crush on my best friend’s brother since the first day I saw him.

Lisa and I were 16 and chatting up in her living room and 16-year-old Yuta had walked out of his room shirtless with bed hair.

That was 7 years ago.

Ever since then, every time I saw him, I stared.

Back then, He confronted me many times about it.

He tilted his head and smirked

Holy fuck.

“See something you like You like Y/N”

“N-no”

“Shush bitch. At least pretend to be disgusted or something.” I stated.

You’d think someone would be upset at their best friend having a crush on their sibling but nope, not Lisa.

Matter of fact she encouraged it.

‘You lie when you’re flustered, and he lies all the fucking time. Match made in Heaven’. She would always say.

“I thought he couldn’t take time off this year” I said still trying to digest the news. Yuta had moved away to college three years ago and was currently studying to become a doctor.

More specifically a Gynaecologist.

Christ.

Lisa slurps the last of her drink and says, “That’s what he said but mom misses him and y’know when mom wants something she gets it”.

“True.” Was all I could say as my mind started to fill with thoughts of him.

I picked at my food for the rest of our little ‘gossip date’ until it was time to go.

The minute I stepped into my apartment I screamed in excitement.

“Holy shit!” I ran around my apartment smiling like an idiot.

“I’m seeing him tomorrow for the first time in three freaking years.”

As the evening went by my excitement began to be replaced by fear.

‘What If he doesn’t remember you?’

I feel like he does. He has to.

‘What if he brushes you off?’

 I mean we aren’t exactly family.

‘What if he hates what he sees?’

My skin crawled at my last thought.

Yes, my body changed over the past few years, but I wasn’t insecure about it.

My hips filled out nicely, my boobs were alright, and my ass was heavenly.

It rested on thick thighs that complimented my stomach pudge and back rolls…I was Hot.

“What’s not to like” I said out loud to no one in particular.

“Wear something sexy but cute tomorrow, mom wants you at the welcome dinner”. Was the last thing Lisa said before we parted ways.

Thank God I went shopping last week I know exactly what to wear.

://///////:::::::/::::::////////////////////TIME SKIP

“Hail Mary mother of G-” I was interrupted by a smack on the back of my head.

I rubbed my head trying to quell the pain “OW!”

“Cut that shit out. It’s just my brother not the coming of Jesus” Lisa hisses as rolls her eyes.

We were currently sitting in her living room surrounded by what Mrs. Nakamoto called ‘simple decorations’.

They were not simple.

Blue and white Balloons were all over the floor and there as a fucking 7-foot standee of Yuta at the front door.

Scared the living shit out of me when I got here.

“Mom says he’s on his way here.” Lisa says as she idly kicks a balloon.

I shrugged “Whatever.”

“What? All of a sudden, you’re not trembling in excitement anymore? That’s weird.”

I shrugged again “I wasn’t excited.”

Lisa looked me up and down and threw her head back laughing “Liar.”

//////////////////////////////TIME SKIP///////////////////////////////////////////////////

He came.

He fucking came like a storm.

He changed.

So damn much.

He walked through the door and heart fell to my ass.

Yuta Nakamoto did the fucking impossible and became hotter.

I watched as he hugged Lisa and his mother before turning to me who was standing behind Lisa.

I waited for him to say something…anything.

Instead, he did the unthinkable

“Who’s this?”

The world stopped.

Shame and embarrassment clawed at my chest.

Lisa gasped in shock and Mrs. Nakamoto swatted his arm.

“You don’t remember Y/N?”

His eyes widened to the size of saucers.

“This is Y/N?” he gestured to me in disbelief.

I smiled shyly and looked down “Yes, its me”.

I could feel his eyes on me. Taking me in.

I hope he likes what he sees.

We had dinner in comfortable conversations, revelling on past memories and Yuta’s school life.

Throughout the entire meal he didn’t even spare me a glance.

I felt dejected.

Soon it was time for dessert but Mr. Nakamoto who was supposed to be here earlier had called.

“Your father needs to be picked up from work again so I’ll have to go get him”. Mrs. Nakamoto said slowing standing from her chair.

“I’ll come with” Lisa said also standing from her chair.

“There’s cake in the kitchen” Mrs. Nakamoto says grabbing her coat and car keys, Lisa following close behind.

“Oh, I’ll cut it” I offered.

I needed to get away from him and take a damn breath.

I got up from my seat and headed to the kitchen leaving no room for Mrs. Nakamoto to object.

“Alright then, we’ll be back soon.” Mrs Nakamoto shouted out before closing the front door.

Great.

I grabbed the oven mitten and pulled the cake from the oven and setting it on the countertop.

I heard a chair scrape the ground and footsteps making their way towards the kitchen.

Soon, there was a presence beside me.

"Missed me?"

I peered up at the man I'd met a thousand times before. Before he left for Uni his hair was shorter

and he was slimmer. Now, his body was lean with muscle and his hair was so long that he gathered it

in a ponytail at the back of his head.

Nakamoto Yuta was a sight to see.

“N-no I didn’t”

Then he did that thing, the thing that almost made me loose my shit about a hundred times

He tilted his head and smirked

“Liar. I know you did”

I shake my head “You’re so full of yourself”.

 He chuckled “I know.”

I rolled my eyes and turned around reaching for a knife to cut the cake.

I could have imagined it.

I really could’ve.

But I’m pretty sure I just heard Yuta do a sharp intake.

I turned around to face him again “Are you okay?”

“You changed a lot” He ignores my question.

“yeah, I guess.” I said simply said.

He nods.

“And this dress…did you wear it for me doll?” He questions as his fingers skim across the fabric covering my breasts.

My breath hitches as I feel my nipples getting hard under the fabric “N-no I did not.”

He grips my chin causing me to look directly in his eyes.

“Liar”.

////////////////////////////////////// SMUT! NSFW SMUT! //////////////////////////////////////////

“You taste so fucking good baby” Yuta says gripping my thighs pulling them further apart as his tongue works between my legs.

We were still in the kitchen.

I was now on the countertop with Yuta between my thighs.

I could her him sucking and lapping at my juices.

His face was glistening and covered in it.

my mind was so foggy I could barely understand anything.

Suddenly my lower abdomen started to feel cramped, but I could tell something was different.

More intense.

“YUTA! WAIT!” I shout as I try to squeeze my thighs shut.

He uses his strength to keep them open. I try getting up only to be held down and pulled closer

“Don’t you fucking run from me.” He grunts.

Tears were streaming down my face “Yuta m’gonna make a mess”

“Not yet baby. Not fucking yet” he says standing up.

I whine in protest.

He pecks my lips to shut me up.

I can taste myself on his lips.

He grips my waist and helps me down form the counter

“I want you to sit on my face.” He says as I watch him lay on the kitchen floor.

“What?” I ask in disbelief. Staring down at him

He grunts and pulls me down by the hem of my dress making me fall on top of him.

“I’ll crush you” I state.

A sharp slap to my thigh causes me to screech “Sit. On. My. Face.”

I hesitate but go to hover over his face anyway.

“Y/N I said sit. Not hover” he says sternly

“But I don’t wa-” I was cut off as he grabs my hips and pulls me down immediately. His mouth latching to my pussy.

He continues licking and sucking eventually adding a finger.

“Oh fuck!” I shout as my eyes roll back at the intensity.

“Did you miss me?” He asks again.

“NO!” I shout

“Liar” he says adding another finger causing my body to jolt.

His fingers pressing into my Thighs keeps me in place as my thighs tremble and my orgasm builds.

“Yuta I’m gonna cum! I wanna cum!”

“Did you miss me? Ill let you cum if you tell me the truth doll.” He says as he places sloppy wet kisses on my clit continuing to pump his fingers in and out of me.

I shut my eyes tightly as a stray tear rolls down my cheek “YES! YES I FUCKING MISSED YOU!”

“Atta girl. Cum for me baby” he says from under me.

And I did.

I roll off to the side beside Yuta.

I was panting and so was he. Except I look like I just rana mile and he looks like he just had the best time of his life.

“I missed you too doll.”

///////////////////////////////////////END OF SMUT///////////////////////////////////////////////////

“Y/N! YUTA! We’re back!”

Lisa says as she walks in her Mr. and Mrs Nakamoto behind her.

Yuta and I already cleaned up and were watching TV.

“Hey!” I say smiling at them.

“Dad, you’re late” Yuta says mischievously causing Mr. Nakamoto to laugh heartily.

Yuta and his parent walk to the back patio to catch up leaving me and Lisa in the living room.

She takes a seat next tom me on the couch and says

“Bitch, the house smells like sex.”

[lunabug2004]

My Amateur Attempt at a Mike Wheeler Analysis (S1, E1):

WARNING: This is a very Mike-defensive analysis! I will be (over)analyzing every Mike scene, episode by episode, but if you’re looking for completely unbiased analyses, this is not where you’ll find them! He is one of my favorite TV characters of all time and I’m sick of all the hate, so I wanted to just put my view of him up somewhere. Also, I ship both Mileven and Byler, but I prefer Byler quite a bit more, so this will mainly be Byler-focused, and I will touch on some of Mike’s queer-coding as well.

Season 1, Episode 1:

Mike is playing DnD with Will, Dustin, and Lucas, acting as the DM. This is an early testament to his intelligence and imagination, as well as his role of leader in the party. When Mike is told to stop playing, he argues with his mom, showing his stubbornness and dedication to the game (and the campaign he took 2 weeks to plan). Then, he sees off his friends, making sure they all leave safely. I love this detail, as it shows how much he cares for his friends at such a young age (I mean, how many 11/12 year olds do you know who would do that?). Thanks to the conversation the boys have about Nancy as they are leaving, we also learn that he and Nancy used to have an okay sibling-relationship, but that hasn’t been the case since at least 4 years ago. As Will is leaving, he tells Mike the truth about the dice-roll, “It was a seven,” and I know this is a little detail, but I like that we can see that Will does not want to lie to Mike, maybe a hint towards how different their relationship/friendship is.

When we next see Mike, it is at breakfast the next morning, and he is putting syrup on his eggs, which grosses out Nancy, and he does the typical younger-sibling move of putting syrup on her eggs too just to annoy her. This same morning, when the boys (minus Will, obv) show up at school and Will is not there, Mike makes a worried comment about it, but the other two boys don’t seem as worried. Then they get intercepted by their bullies, being called “Frog-face”, “Midnight”, and “Toothless”, and after Dustin is targeted by the bullies, Mike tries to comfort him by saying his disability is like he has superpowers. This shows his love for Dustin through his want to defend him, even if it’s not defending him to the bullies’ faces, rather defending him from his own insecurities. This showcasing of Mike’s love comes back into play multiple times throughout the season. I’d also like to point out that Mike decided at a young age to surround himself with “freaks” (Lucas because of his race, Dustin because of his disability, and Will because of his queer traits) despite being relatively normal himself. Now, this might just be because he was originally supposed to have a birthmark on his face and that was supposed to be his “freak-ish” trait, or that he just didn’t realize he was doing this because he obviously doesn’t see these things as bad, but I thought it was still interesting to point out.

When Mr. Clarke shows the boys the radio after class, we learn that Mike is the president of the AV club, then they are taken to talk with Hopper about Will’s case. Mike takes the lead in answering Hop’s questions, now this may just be because Hop calls on him specifically, but I’d like to think it’s also a way to show Mike as the leader of the group. He is the one to bring up helping look for Will, and we can see how serious he is about this because when he is denied this, and Dustin and Lucas start bickering, Mike looks completely annoyed. 

He doesn’t give up on this want to help look for Will either, as we see him arguing with Karen about the same thing during dinner, and he still looks extremely annoyed and worried when denied again. When Nancy blames “Will getting lost” for not being able to leave the house, Mike immediately gets very defensive of Will, and outs Nancy’s new relationship with Steve. He looks very proud of himself after this until Ted speaks up with “You see what happens?”, which causes Mike to get defensive all over again, this time exclaiming that he’s the only one who cares about Will, then storming off from the dinner table. Now, I want to touch on Ted’s comment here, because really what other than Will’s “queerness” could he be commenting on here? And this shows us, 1) what type of views Mike’s grown up around, and 2) that Ted must believe there is a chance that Mike shares the same “queerness” as Will. After storming off, Mike goes to the basement, then seemingly after some time staring at the DnD board, he contacts Lucas about going to find Will despite being told not to so many times. By doing this, he directly puts himself and the others in danger, and we know he’s aware of this due to how he convinced Lucas to join him.

We see Mike leave the house, and after joining with the boys, even when it starts to rain, Mike is the most determined to keep going into the woods to search. He’s also very obviously being the leader of the group at this time, making sure to tell the other two to keep close and stay on the same radio channel just in case. When they are walking deeper into the woods, we see Mike in the middle and at the front, then he’s also the first to hear the rustling of the leaves, so he gets the boys to shut up. Then they find Eleven!

There's my episode 1 deep dive! If anyone finds anything explicitly wrong, or wants to add anything, please let me know! Also, if you're interested in me doing more, please tell me, because this is completely self-indulgent, but if others enjoy it I will try even harder! Also, I am completely new to Tumblr, so pls be nice

[borderline-culture-is]

Vent //

BPD culture is your mother disliking you so much that you're never allowed to show negative emotions, or even neutral ones, around your younger sibling because it affects THEM

Yet

Despite this kid being under the age of 10, they have so far;

-Told me they wished I would kill myself

-Told me they hate me and that when they're mad at me they'll go lie to our parents so that I get yelled at because it makes me cry

-Used to constantly make fun of my weight and eating habits up until she did it to my mom, THEN it got fixed

-Has destroyed my things and lied about it, so that when I bring it up I'M the one in trouble

-Constantly touches my things which are irreplaceable (signed Prints I got from a musician thanks to paying for a subscription every month) when she thinks I'm not looking

-So much more, but especially with not listening even when I'm sobbing and begging this kid to please just listen and to the most basic task because I don't feel good (I.E; please turn off the lights or please stop yelling makes her glare at me and do the absolute opposite even while I'm sobbing before she goes out and pretends to our parents that she's compared. I'VE SEEN IT MULTIPLE TIMES WITH MY OWN EYES, IT'S NOT EVEN ME OVERREACTING, MY FRIENDS HAVE OVERHEARD THIS ON VOICE CALLS)

Yet....If I get frustrated, or if I'm not feeling good and it shows in my voice because I have an UNDIAGNOSED CHRONIC PAIN ISSUE, then I'm the one in trouble because I'm apparently acting like our mom.

Aka

The woman who, just 2 or 3 weeks ago, abandoned us to go and kill herself and Everytime I tried to convince her not to I got SCREAMED at, even more so when we had to call the police because she broke our front door down.

The same woman who I drop everything for and have neglected my own health for so she won't be stressed about it. The same woman, who, a few days ago, I bought a custom cameo video for from one of the musicians she's listened to and loved for over 20 years because I thought that someone like that telling her that she's doing better and that things WILL get better would cheer her up.

But no, I guess I'm a fucking monster for being frustrated when I DON'T EVEN GET A ROOM TO MYSELF TO LET ME SELF REGULATE.

I'm hated more than the child that tells my mom that she's ugly, the one that makes her scream and break down nearly everyday. I'm hated just for being in pain, both physically and mentally. I can't leave, I'm stuck with them until the day I die at this point so I guess I have to try and pick up the pieces and swallow everything down better.

I'm tired :(

- 🪡🎶

.

[razorblade180]

I don't remember if you did or not, but do you have a post where there's like a family tree or something for all your RWBY things?

I want to be able to follow along, but it's a bit confusing.

If you do, could you give the link, please?

Funny enough, I don’t. If anyone has a good website for those family tree diagrams I’d love to know.

Until then, I’ll just make a simple list right now because asking about my ocs will always give be boundless energy. I’ll try being brief. If I write a name that has the last name of the main ship in the au, I trust I don’t have to explain who the parents are.

Lasting Embers AU (Dragonslayer)

Jacquelyn Frost

Parents aren’t important aside from being deceased and her mom being the former Winter Maiden (Vol7 didn’t exist yet)

Jael Frost

Biological daughter of Jacquelyn and Adam. The younger sister of Sienna Frost

Sienna Fost

Adopted daughter of Jacquelyn and Adam. Older sister to Jael

Biological parents and older brother are deceased. Happened when she was very young.

Sienna is not her real name. She doesn’t remember. (It’s Jasmine)

Yujin Xiao Long

Only daughter

Lie Tenzen

Ren and Nora’s only son.

Canary Branwen

Daughter of Qrow and Winter.

Qrow passed away when she was like nine. (Don’t quote that age I don’t have my notes with me. She was a kid)

Not a fan of Ruby (Her Cousin)

A fan of Yujin (Also her Cousin)

Twin Snowflakes AU (White Knight)

Nick and Summer Schnee

Fraternal Twins. Brother and Sister

Sparrow Branwen

Winter and Qrows adopted son

Eliza Marigold

Only daughter of Henry Marigold

Mom took hush money and left after birth.

Henry was not the one who gave her hush money.

Valerie Valkyrie

Nora and Ren’s only daughter

Veronica Belladonna

Blake and Yang’s only daughter.

Blake was the one with the bun in the oven.

Miscellaneous (not a OC name)

This Au has a child for Robyn, Cardin, and a couple others. They don’t really matter too that much but they exist. Most notable is Max (Cardin’s kid) and a little girl named Ruth

Premonition AU (Knightshade)

Lucas Belladonna

Peach Rose

Daughter of Ruby and Weiss

Not related to Lucas in any way but they’re close.

Serendipity Karuma

Also goes by Serenity

Parents are alive but not around

Older sibling but doesn’t see the younger one

Rosebud AU (Lancaster)

Dustin Arc Rose

The oldest of three siblings

Raised by Cinder and Neo

Not a fan of his biological parents or siblings

Has silver eyes

(I probably should’ve called him Dustin Fall but oh well. I’m not changing the tags)

Carmine Arc Rose

Middle child technically, but she doesn’t acknowledge Dustin as an older brother.

Has silver eyes but wears red contacts

Only the grownups in her family’s circle know her real eye color

Cousin of Kovu

Garnet Arc Rose

Youngest of the three siblings

He’s just a lil fella

Kovu Belladonna

Son of Blake and Yang

Older cousin to Carmine

Yang had the bun in the oven

Aero Amitola

Son of Ilia and Sun. (I refuse to explain myself here)

Bird Boy

Mona Paulo Furem

All you really gotta know about her parents are that they’re horrible and her mother is reason Mona is the way she is

Has a younger sister. Barely talked about.

Does not live at home or keep in contact

Miscellaneous

Ren and Nora run an orphanage

Oscar is Ozcar and has been for decades.

Side note, there’s a a child named Levi Belladonna that’s Ruby and Blake’s kid. He has no au. I just thought he was neat. Maybe one day.

[megs-msdd24]

hello!!!!!! good to see the sa fandom is making a small comeback 🩷 do you have any headcanons on shane the best character ?

Hi friend!!! In fact, I do have headcanons about shane the best character 🫣 The first part is headcanons along the line (they follow the story line) the next bit is more headcanony? yeah <3

Shane ♔

this bit is like before his mother dies

-As a kid he's a picky eater (that's the first thing off the top of my head sorry 😭) Like the chef is running back and forth cause shane said he didn't want whatever it was they made. Later on he just gives up and has a small list of the limited foods baby Shane will eat

-He loved adventure; playing pirate, pretending to be a dragon, and climbing into high places were some of his favourites. Before they lose a good chunk of the staff, he'd rope some of them into his games and get them to build different props for his imaginary adventures.

-Like any younger brother would, he messes with Drina a lot. And like any younger sibling would, the second that Drina retaliates he's calling for his mother.

-whenever he and Drina fight, their mom would lock them up together inside their playhouse (the green and pink one from The Book of Shane: Venom) until they made up (not rlly but shh 🤫)

-A bit of a sad one, but when their mom first gets sick, Drina starts getting back at Shane because she knows he can't get any help 😔

Moving on-

-By the time Drina is stuck with the bonding sickness, almost all that happiness is gone

-when's she's stuck in bed he comes and tells her all these whimsical stories or he talks to her about all the places they'll visit when she gets better

-he also has to convince himself-he just really wants to get out the castle

-we already know he thought about running away and he knows it's very serious but there's a small part of him that thinks "it's just another adventure right?" "all my adventures have been inside the castle, this is the same thing except it's real." He's trying to help himself out ok? 😭

-but then Zerif shows up and shows him a different hell

-you see, if Zerif hadn't pulled up with his cure all potion maybe he would've run away with Drina. Maybe she could be helped even a little bit. Maybe he would've lived some cottage core aesthetic life idk 🤷🏾‍♀️

-All I know is our friend over here wouldn't have gone on a world wide rampage 🙃

-I said this in a previous post, but Shane is absolutely in shock at all the things he gets to see as a Conqueror.

-so before the Conqueror's officially start rampaging, he goes off and tries all these things and eats different foods

-In the towns that they stayed a really long time in, he visits some specific stalls over and over again, spends all his money there and the owners just instantly know him and what he wants

-later on after the Conquerors ravaged said towns he feels really really bad about it.

-and then he meets Abeke

-once they're better acquainted he brings her on his market adventures too and they have so much fun

-just two friends hanging out

-side note: Abeke shows him all the good market stalls and the best food ones while they're in Nilo

-and he's just so happy he's got his first friend in a long time and everythings going so well for him right?

-well not for long 😏

and that's where I leave you for now :D I'll do a part two to shane's headcanons along the line but here for now have some proper headcanony headcanons

♔

-Shane loves reading (you know how I said he likes adventure? He got it from those fantasy books)

-whenever he had a meal that had any speck, shape or form of a food he didn't like? The meal? gone. Out in the trash. Later on when he sees war ravaged places he instead just picks out the part he doesn't like and gives it to someone

-After Gerathon is finished Shane kinda grows to like Grahv. He talks to him and Grahv will just lie down, eyes shut and huff. In a better life if Grahv was summoned naturally Shane would brush his plates and scales to help him clean up

-You know how he escaped on Halawir? It was a revelation for him

-he loved the rush of air

-and he's so upset after cause he can't get the same feeling anymore

-After living in such a hot country that's basically the equivalent of Australia, he's travelling anywhere cold. His favourite place was Arctica until it blew up 😃

-Ok that's all friend! Hope you like them <3

[yatescountyhistorycenter]

Are we there yet?

By C.J. Hartman Thompson

(The following article originally appeared in Bluff & Vine, a literary review featuring work created in and around the Finger Lakes region of New York State, and is published here with the permission of the magazine. This article also appeared in three parts in Yates Past, the bi-monthly newsletter of the Yates County History Center).

I vividly recall growing up in the 1960s and ’70s, as if it were yesterday. Two of my younger siblings, our parents, and me, sitting upon red padded chairs, separated as if by seniority around the outskirts of our chrome-legged Formica top table. There, as with most nights before, we conversed over our day’s events, with my mother monitoring our consumption, occasionally reminding us three kids, “Children in China would be grateful to have half the food we had on our plates!” This, a likely response to me chasing nasty whole beets about on my plate with a fork, while my sister pretended she liked the venison steak that she would eventually conceal in her napkin and later place in the trash. My brother, forever innocent, and the youngest at the time, would proclaim that my sister and I were staring at him, knowing full well that it would get us in trouble again.

We were all expected to clean our plates and leave the kitchen spotless or forfeit going for our nightly ride out on Bluff Point. Exiting our home toward the driveway, as if in response to the slam of our screen door, I recall yelling, “I have the middle,” as we piled into our 1972 green Pontiac Catalina in reckless abandon, absent of all regard for the use of seatbelts. None of us wanted to sit behind our father, because when he smoked his pipe, he would periodically empty it against his outside driver’s door handle, sending the ashes back into the rear window. Adorned with his corn-cob pipe, our father preferred a tobacco named Sir Walter Raleigh,  which came in a variety of red and black tins. Back then, there wasn’t any consideration given to children purchasing tobacco products, and so I remember biking to either Loblaws or Charles Bollen’s Super Duper to purchase tobacco, filters, or pipe cleaners for Dad. Our dad, having grown up on Pepper Road, could tell you about every nook and cranny on Bluff Point there was to know. My siblings and I never knew where we would end up on these nightly adventures, as we called them.

We would leave our home on the lower West Lake Road, which was behind Race’s Willowhurst Garage. Our grandfather Alton owned and operated the garage after being discharged from the Army, having served in World War II. We would head south to Keuka Park, and on the lake side going toward Keuka Park, Dad and Mom told us that this larger red brick building in Brandy Bay was once the electric generating plant for the Penn Yan, Keuka Park and Branchport Railroad. One of our great-grandfathers, Ray Kenyon, had been a conductor on one of the trolley cars.

Brandy Bay had been the hot spot back in the day, as just behind the tracks, closer to the lake, there had been a place called Electric Park, where folks would spend summer evenings listening to music and dancing in a community pavilion. Our parents were quick to mention that the railroad and Electric Park were way before their time, certain that the passenger service had stopped in 1927, while the railroad continued to transport freight for some years afterward.

In the early ’60s, the lower West Lake Road ran directly from Indian Pines to the Brandy Bay trolley stop, passing scattered family-owned cottages along the way. Remnants of the original track lie east of today’s Central Avenue, which wouldn’t be constructed until many years later. Minutes from Brandy Bay, we would be at the stop sign with the main entrance of Keuka College on our left. Ball Hall, Hegeman Hall, and Harrington Hall looked very impressive to all of us. An all-female college at the time, Keuka College became co-ed in 1985. Both my sister and I agreed that we would attend there following our graduation from high school, and the college would later graduate five members of our immediate families.

Turning right after stopping, our parents, pointing left, acknowledged the location of a general store and café owned by the Johnson family close to where the former Keuka Park Fire Department building stands, now a storage facility for Keuka College. A gazebo has been constructed nearby, a gift from a Keuka College alumni. Further up the road on the right was the community center, which is now the location for the Branchport and Keuka Park Fire Department. By this point in the ride and yet only minutes from home, one of us kids would ask, “Are we there yet?” to which Dad likely replied, “Pipe down, sit back, and enjoy the ride.”

Once out of Keuka Park, we headed southwest up Skyline Drive, where we were encouraged to look for deer, be they in a field or hedgerow, coming to a stop the moment any of us saw one. I kid you not, it wasn’t out of the norm to spot herds in excess of 60 deer milling about the fields of the bluff near dusk. If the deer were standing close to the road, Dad, placing two fingers in his mouth, would send a loud whistle their way, scaring them back into the impenetrable woods. In truth, I think he enjoyed watching them hop and dart back to the safety of the trees, while telling us how the motion of their tails would signal to the other deer in the herd if danger were nearby. I laugh now as I could not tell you the number of times we would stop, each of us pondering, “Are we there yet?”

The Herrick Cemetery, an old cemetery associated with the Bluff Point community, is soon pointed out to us, as our fourth-great grandparents, Elisha and Charlotte “Latchie” Knickerbocker Kenyon are both buried there. The cemetery itself sits back maybe 50 yards from Skyline Drive and looks majestic, as it sits higher than the fields surrounding it. I have in recent years gone there and walked around. Numerous markers made from old limestone have either toppled over or are not even marked. Elisha and Charlotte’s markers looked to have been repaired. It is a beautiful and tranquil spot, as one can overlook the valley, the rolling hills, and surrounding vineyards. Now the trees, once saplings 60 years ago, are large deciduous trees with the exception of a lonesome pine, all offering shade to those who rest in peace beneath them.

This particular day had been a hot one, and thankfully it was slowly cooling down. The evening sun was hesitant to disappear, and from our vantage point it looked to be like a red orange balloon in the sky way off in the distance. We knew tomorrow would also be another sweltering day. The smell of Coppertone Sun-tan Lotion, applied earlier in the day, still lingered, having been outside all day. Still near the cemetery, Dad might then point out the Pinnacle, which is about the same elevation of 1,400 feet above sea level as Bluff Point. The Pinnacle is a peak that overlooks Bluff Point and Branchport.

The Esperanza Mansion, in the distance, was perfectly placed close to the tip of the Pinnacle and was completed in July of 1838 by John Nicholas Rose, a wealthy farmer from Virginia. Upon further research, the Roses for the most part had many of the early indigenous people known to inhabit Bluff Point along with a retinue of enslaved people provide much of the labor in construction of the mansion. It is believed that they transported the limestone from near the end of the Bluff by canoe to the shores currently in care of Keuka Lake State Park. The limestone provided necessary support in the construction of its 11- to 14-inch thick walls, complete with internal shutters to cover the windows, given the potential for rogue arrows to be directed at them.

Unbeknownst to me, the Esperanza Mansion was also part of the Underground Railroad during the Civil War. Mind you, as kids, Dad was simply pointing to a huge hill beyond the cemetery that had a huge house on it. We were impatient of course to get to wherever Dad was taking us. Even with all windows down, just sitting next to one another we were weary of the heat and our knees and elbows bumping into one another for what we thought had been a monumental amount of time. One of us again asked, “Are we there yet?” Mom turned around and gave us the look as if to say, you best not ask that again.

Further up the road from the cemetery, we take a right turn at the “V” intersection, remaining on Skyline Drive. Should one choose the road to the left, you are on Vine Road. At this junction stands a small house, formerly a two-room schoolhouse my father attended. With additional research, I found the original structure was built in 1860 for $395. Its location was known as Jerusalem District No. 4, Fingar District. Several improvements were made between 1861 and 1903; a coal stove replaced the wood-burning unit, walls were plastered, a wire fence was built, new student seats, an entrance hall was added, new floor installed, and shade trees were planted in 1903. The salary for one teacher for the winter and summer terms was $5 per week.

My siblings and I were astonished to think that the little house could be a school and that Dad had to walk to school with his siblings. Dad smirks when he tells us that he along with some of his buddies would tip over the outhouse when other students were in there. Though the distance seemed like miles to us, it was less than a half-mile from his Pepper Road home, absent concern for the weather. My siblings and I make eye contact across the large backseat, grateful to hop on a bus only minutes away from our home, transported to a larger school complete with running water and plumbing.

Still on Skyline Drive, we have now gone by the northwest entrance to Scott Road, as we still call it today. There is a house that looks to be half in the ground on the left. Mom mentions the property the house now resides upon was once left to my dad’s mother when her father had passed away, and for whatever reason, my grandparents relinquished their ownership, though the cost of additional taxes may have been motivation at the time.

If we were lucky, some nights we would see the occasional flock of turkeys trot across the road, as they like to roost just before sunset. Tempted by the possibility of an ice cream cone from Seneca Farms, we were all encouraged to increase our focus out the windows, in search of wildlife running amuck. We were rubbernecking, as competition grew to spot the next animal or feathered friend.

Just down the road a piece is the John Hall Road, which was and still is a dead end. The only things we could see from Skyline Drive were a huge barn and a house down over the hill surrounded by vineyards that looked as though they may well go all the way to the lake. Our ride proved to be more interesting and fun the further we went out on the bluff.

Arriving upon yet another old schoolhouse, which I have researched as being District No. 5, the Kenyon District, Scott Settlement District, Bluff Point District. This schoolhouse is located near the southern entrance of the Scott Road and Skyline Drive intersection. Today, the most recent owner of the schoolhouse has taken the roof off of the building and placed a huge telescope in its place, making it the perfect spot for an observatory.

Fewer houses embellish our views out of the Pontiac, as we make our way to the end of the bluff, soon approaching the home of Marland (Dutch) Griffith and his wife, Izzy (Isabelle Walrath) on the left.

They were both dear friends of our parents. I believe Dutch and Izzy owned around 210 acres out on the bluff, which had two houses and multiple outbuildings. One of the homes, not visible from the road, was in fact Dutch’s childhood home, complete with a working hand-pump above its dug well and a three-holed outhouse east of the dwelling. A large red barn to the south stored his wooden bobsleds and countless wooden beer lugs used to harvest grapes by hand, prior to modern convenience.

The house visible from Skyline Drive also had a pole barn where firewood, tractors, and implements were stored, while a wood framed hangar lay tucked away in the corner of a hardwoods, secreting Dutch’s single-engine plane, complete with canvas wings and but one seat.

An avid private pilot, Dutch was a member of the Penn Yan Flying Club, having earned his license by bicycling once a week to Penn Yan and back in his teens. Our mom, more curious than our father, once went for a brief ride in the plane. She recalls sitting upon a turned over 5-gallon bucket for a seat.

Before takeoff, Mom recalls asking Dutch if the door handle was secure enough. There was what looked to be a water hose going out onto the upper edge of the windshield from within the plane, transferring fuel to the engine. Dutch took Mom as far as Bath and back, she having a death grip on Dutch’s shoulder during the flight’s entirety. Liking the ride, she was no less happy to be back on the ground, and still the three of us begged to ask, "Are we there yet?”

The Scott family lived across from Dutch and Izzy, while the Disbrow family home and property lay to the south and east side of Skyline drive, separated by a vineyard retained by the Scotts. The Disbrow family still owns much of the land on both sides of Skyline Drive, running all the way to the Garrett property on the east side of Skyline Drive but ending somewhat sooner on the west side.

Mom excitedly tells us when Dad and she were first dating they walked down over the hill near Disbrows and carved their initials into a tree. The slanting rays of the setting sun gave the surrounding landscape a stunning panoramic view. We felt as though we were on top of the world. One could see only the tops of other hills, Barrington to the east and Pulteney to the west. We could see deer everywhere in the fields on both sides of the road.

We pulled over on the east side near the little old stone spring house that still today feeds water to the Garrett Chapel. We all got out to stretch our legs and gazed in the direction of the Wagener Mansion, built by Abraham Wagener in 1833 on the southern tip of Bluff Point. Dad mentioned the stones used to build the foundation of the mansion were rumored to have come from the early indigenous ruins on Bluff Point. The mansion is not only intimidating by its size, but the grounds around the residence were well taken care of.

Dad was like an encyclopedia, full of information that he wanted to share with us. He then mentions our great-grandfather, Ray Kenyon, had been the manager of Paul Garrett’s vineyards for a time. Dad, along with his father and brother, all worked for the Garrett family, tending to their vineyards and fields, often using work horses to complete many tasks up and over the steep terrain, better suited to billy goats.

In writing this story, I interviewed my brother, who spent countless hours hunting with our dad on the bluff. I inquired as to whether I had forgotten any significant locations we may have heard tell of during the course of our rides, and he had several: Besides knowing the whereabouts of abandoned wells of grave importance to hunters, he mentioned places like the Hogpen, the Hole, and the Hairpin. The latter two, still visible on Google Earth, each name assigned to trails forged for farming or logging, all located on the west side of Skyline Drive.

Conversation momentarily turns to ice cream, and the debate ensues as to who wants what, with many, “I changed my minds,” in between. Both Dad and Mom settle on splitting a banana split. Returning North on Skyline Drive, Dad decided to take the first left going down Pepper Road.

I have found in old articles that Pepper Road had also been called Pepperville Road. The property immediately on the west side of the road had once belonged to the Pepper family. John William Pepper and Ruth Annie Kirk had immigrated from Leicestershire, England. They raised their family on Bluff Point. Dad went into great detail describing how the farm was huge, with a great big white farmhouse and a barn. He had never been in the house but was told by other Pepper family members that there had been a wood kitchen stove, and water needed for the kitchen was brought up by the pail from a pump down the hill in the gully. There was also an outhouse.

They owned several animals: cows, horses to pull the plow, rabbits, chickens, and pigs. Best known for their Concord grape vineyards, they also had assorted apple, cherry, and pear trees as well as black and red raspberries and strawberries. This property is now part of Keuka Lake State Park. Sadly, the Pepper home perished in a fire.

Our ride down Pepper Road continued, and we only had to cross over West Bluff Drive, which was perpendicular to Skyline Drive. This next property belonged to Herb Valentine; he owned around 114 acres, with his property adjoining the Gridley property. Both Pepper and Valentine properties went down the hill from Skyline Drive to Keuka Lake.

Dad and his father had been out hunting deer on a cold December morning when they heard cries for help coming from the Herb Valentine property. They found Herb lying on the ground near the wood pile. He had gone out to get wood for his stove the night before and fallen. Unable to get up, he had laid there overnight. Thankfully, Mr. Valentine didn’t suffer any great harm.

The Finger Lakes State Park, as it was known then, filed notice of acquisition and transfer of deeds, dated November of 1961 after the death of Herb Valentine. The Pepper and Valentine property totaled close to 500 acres.

I remember Dad parking the car at the top of West Bluff Drive in the winter, as the road was and still isn’t plowed in the winter. My parents, my siblings, and I would trudge through the snow part way down West Bluff Drive with our sleds in tow. We would be exhausted just going sledding down the hill two or three times.

[jamisonwritestf2trash]

Hunt for Tragedy: Chapter One

A lot can change in 7 months. Sometimes, it's good change. Sometimes it's bad. But for Scout, it's bad change.

7 months ago, Scout reunited with his father, who had left when Scout was a baby. And it would turn out his father was Spy, a sassy, irritable Frenchman and Scout's coworker.

Spy died only a week later, sacrificing himself to save his son and his teammates from an otherworldly beast.

But to the Administrator, the death was merely a waste of money. As she said, "mercenaries are expensive."

Miss Pauling talked her into giving everyone time off so she could find a replacement for Spy, as well as new mercenaries for BLU Team.

Time off was the last thing Scout wanted. Almost everyone would end up leaving the base, except for Pyro, Engi, Sniper, and Medic.

Scout returned to Boston with his older brother, Jonah Bidwell.

His last survivng family member.

Scout stopped answering his teammate's calls. He didn't want to hear the fake pity in their voices.

Sniper left messages for him.

But they started to get shorter, until 4 months had passed, and Scout got one last message from the Australian: "Call me back."

Scout didn't care that they stopped calling.

He's lost too much to care.

-

Jonah opens the bedroom door, and enters. Scout doesn't look as he enters, and pretends to be sleeping.

"Scout? I made breakfast." Jonah says. Scout can smell the pancakes, but says nothing.

"I know you're awake, Scout." Jonah pokes him.

"I'm not hungry. Fuck off." Scout glares at him.

"Don't lie to me." Jonah sits on the bed, snatching the pillow away. "I know I can't force you do to anything, but... at least eat the pancakes. It's Mom's recipe. Your favorite?"

Scout still says nothing.

"Why don't you call Sniper back?" Jonah asks.

"I don't want to talk to him." Scout sits up, irritated. "Can you go away?"

"In a minute, fine... but just listen for a moment, okay?" Jonah looks at Scout, his face serious. "I did a bit of digging about Spy's family. You had a half-sibling that died in 1941."

"Is that it?" Scout frowns. "You're my half sibling. Hell, every brother's a half brother--"

"There's more." Jonah cuts him off. "Spy's name was Jacques Murnau, and it turns out his family was really rich. They had a mansion in Paris. Jacques inherited the Murnau will after his parents and sisters were killed in a fire. And he passed that will onto you. Scout, you've inherited a fortune."

Scout stares at him in silent shock.

"What?"

"There's more according to the will, but it's located in Paris. If you want--" Jonah starts.

"We're going to Paris! As soon as freakin' possible!" Scout sits upright. "I gotta see this to believe it."

"Alright." Jonah smiles. "I'll call Miss. P and see what she can arrange. In the meantime, why don't you eat and take a shower? And... maybe call Sniper back."

"...alright." Scour nods, and Jonah leaves the room to let Scout eat.

-

Scout stares at the phone. He has to call Sniper. But would Sniper be willing to listen?

What would Scout even say? They hadn't talked in months.

With an ever-so-slightly shaking hand, Scout dials the number written on a piece of paper, and listens to the dialtone as somewhere many miles away, a phone rings.

"Hello?" An Australian voice asks, and Scout's voice catches in his throat.

He has to talk.

"Hey, Snipes." He says. "You wanna to go to Paris?"

---

I hope you like it! It isn't much, but Chapter 2 is being revised and edited currently! An IRL friend agreed to help me with writing by assisting with editing and serving as peer revision, so it might take a bit for every chapter to be released. But I hope you enjoyed! I'm almost done setting up a seperate blog (had some issues with making a new email to use), so that'll be up and working sometime this week!

THIS IS SO GOOD ANON!

I can't wait to see the new blog, thanks for keeping us updated:)

[ihatehannibal]

trauma dumping bc I can't afford therapy

thinking about how I didn't even say our dad was abusive to us out loud even once until I was like 21 (or think it, honestly), which was a full 7 years after he was out of our house for good. and when I did finally say it my sister replied with "no, we weren't abused, he had a temper but that isn't abuse" & then I internalized that for a few more years. I still have moments where I doubt my own perception of what happened & need a reality check, to see it all laid out so I can pretend it happened to someone else & be like "yeah okay of course it was abuse". I can't really put this anywhere else but here

I remember at least 2 occasions where my mom definitely thought my dad was going to kill us all. the first one was especially terrifying bc I was younger, he broke down a door (not just broke through thr lock, I mean he kicked the door until it splintered to pieces as if it had exploded) to get to where my mom had us all hidden, locked in her room. & when the banging of him kicking the door started she began frantically apologizing immediately through her tears & I sensed her fear & knew instinctively what she thought was about to happen. I was 10 at that time I think, my siblings were 8 & 6. my memory blacks out at his silhouette appearing in the threshold so I dunno what happened next but later said that he thought that /she/ was killing /us/ and that's why he broke down the door but that is the most ridiculous lie I've ever heard. he knows damn well she would never harm a hair on our heads.

the second occasion my mom thought he was going to kill us was when I was 14 and it was only a year after the family annihilation happened to our friends, which was committed by the father-who my mom & aunts had known since they were teenagers-so it made that seem much more real & plausible to us all. my (9 at the time) brother did something, I don't even remember but it was probably just normal child misbehaving, & it made my dad so mad that he started chasing him around the house screaming that he was going to kill him, my mom yelled for my brother to run as far away as possible so he left the house and ran down the street & my mom and sister were physically holding my dad back so that he couldn't go after him, but he pushed both of them to the ground and got outside. luckily my brother was out of sight by then, hiding in our neighbors bushes. I had called the cops but he was miraculously very calm when they arrived, as usual. after that my mom never let him live with us again & he went off and shacked up with his current wife before the divorce papers were even served. not even gonna get into how fucked up that whole situation was.

those are the big occasions but god there was so much in between. he was really jekyll & hyde, the second he lost his temper he became something very terrifying. he and my mom had screaming matches long into the night very often, usually about stuff he was doing to us (he believed in corporal punishment, not closed fist beatings or anything but spanking and hitting us with spatulas and such, and he was always full of rage when he did it so it hurt a lot & scared us) and she almost never let us be alone with him, another relative would always have to be there supervising.

then of course there was the religious shit, obviously, I've talked about it before. he told me from the time I was 4 or 5 that I shouldn't focus on what I wanted to be when I grow up cuz the world was going to end before I reached adulthood & I had to be a soldier for god in the apocalypse, which could happen at any moment so I had to be prepared. oh and that everyone i loved-my whole family except him-would be dragged to hell to be tortured for eternity, that my dead grandpa who I was very close to was already there for being a catholic rather than a fundie, & that I'd go to hell if I didn't listen to him. he said he was trying to save me. my mom had to find this out from my therapist when I was in first grade & she lost it. she has since told me that she would have left him right then if she didnt have a 3 kids under 7 at the time & no way of supporting us alone. another harmful thing he tried to force on us was of course the belief that gay people are broken & need to be fixed or they'll go to hell. as someone who realized I liked girls as a preteen that obviously was hard to hear. my brother is gay too & I know it's affected him badly.

I was a really troubled child & I guess it makes sense given the horrible anxiety he instilled in me plus I was seeing psychiatrists from as early as 5 for my ocd & depression. I got my autism dx (well, aspergers, since that was still a clinical term back then) around that time too. school was hellish bc people ostracized & mocked me for being a mute & wearing the same clothes every day due to sensory issues. I had no friends at all for a few years. I hit puberty really early & got groped by a few boys so that was just great. I was also the tallest person in my class until 7th grade when the boys started growing which while not traumatic kind of sucked bc I felt like a hulking giant when all I wanted to do was hide. I eventually learned to mask, forced myself to talk more & made friends with other unpopular girls at school. safety in numbers (by high school I stopped giving a shit about what anyone thought so that was good).

I was medicated for the first time at 12 when my intrusive thoughts got worse & I tried to kill myself, from then on they just kept adding more diagnoses and more pills from 12-16ish. bipolar, like my dad & uncle (who has since killed himself). I started using food as a coping mechanism around age 14 & developed various eating disorders that extend to this day, which probably also originated in my fathers fear that we would be fat like everyone on my mom's side & his control over our eating (he wouldn't even let me have cupcakes if someone brought them to school for a bday party, he told my teachers I had allergies that I don't have). I slit up my arms for awhile in my late teens and early 20s as a way to stop panic attacks. I dropped out of college. I became a drug addict. never had sex or a proper long term relationship & probably never will bc I don't like being emotionally or physically vulnerable. I know it has a lot to do with the way I was treated as a kid. I took a test once & it said I have an avoidant attachment style which is very accurate. apparently that happens when a child grows up not feeling safe with one or both parents.

reading this back I still immediately think "well others had it worse so maybe it wasn't REAL abuse. maybe I don't have C-PTSD." like no matter what my brain just won't accept my reality