#and its thirteen! and kutner! | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

all-pacas · 5 months ago

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a post about ages that quickly got out of hand

so in house's head 13 says she wasn't born in when a movie came out in 1980, meaning she isn't older than 28 years old. in reality, olivia wilde was 24 at the time, but that's way too young for thirteen: we don't have a Chase Problem, where 13 has had a million subspecialties and needs to be older to account for them, but most people don't actually finish med school until they're 28.

if we assume 13 is doing the normal fellowship thing — that this is her first post after finishing her residency — then she could be 28. that would put her as the same age as kutner (who actually has the opposite problem: kal penn is actually a few years older, but kutner is explicitly 28 when he dies), which kind of fits nicely.

foreman, cameron, park, adams, and taub's ages are never stated. in foreman and taub's cases, we can probably assume they're the same ages as their actors; probably the same for park. adams and cameron, i think, both get the chase/thirteen treatment of being quietly aged up a few years:

omar epps was born in 1973, making foreman 31 in s1, which seems about right for finishing his neurologist training.

chase says he's 30 in s2, making him 29 in s1 (born 1975). (house says he's 26 in s1, which was jesse spencer's age, but the show seems to have realized its mistake, thus the pointed "i am 30" line.)

cameron has a line where she tells a patient the others on the team are older than her. however, jennifer morrison was born in 1979, making her 25 in s1, which is again too young. let's say cameron is 28 in s1, born in 1976. EDIT: Anon pointed out given her training, she really can't be younger than 30 in S1.

for 13 and kutner to be 28 in s4, they both would have been born in 1980/1981.

peter jacobson, and probably taub, was born in 1965, making him 42 in s4.

masters is said to be 29, despite her prodigy status (mostly because she got a few degrees before starting med school).

charlyne li was 26 when they were cast as park. in this case, park doesn't need to be aged up: she's explicitly said to still be a resident when house gets her, so her age works.

adams, however, suffers from extreme Chase Problems: she was 27 when cast, but adams has not only finished medical school and all her training, but also has been working in the prison system for a while. she has to at least be thirty, realistically. i'd honestly put her as a couple years older.

for contrast, wilson starts s1 at 38 years old, cuddy at a wildly implausible but stated 36, and house at 45.

so, just for fun and because this post is rotting my brain, if you lined everyone up in 2004, sometime during the pilot:

HOUSE: 45 WILSON: 38 TAUB: 38 CUDDY: 36 FOREMAN: 31 CHASE: 29 CAMERON: 28 30 KUTNER: 24 THIRTEEN: 24 ADAMS: 22 MASTERS: 22 PARK: 18

#malpractice posting

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wilsonteav · 6 months ago

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My Taub headcanons (also contains Papa Taub headcanons)

• After House's death, he left Plainsboro and returned to being a plastic surgeon. He explained that he respected House very much and that's why he didn't want to work for anyone else.

• He tries to be a better father and person for his daughters. He is afraid that one day they will hate him.

• He brings flowers to Ruby and Rachel for Women's Day even though they are not in relationship.

• Sometimes he goes to Kutner's grave and talks to him and apologizes for not noticing anything.

• He likes sweaters, although he only wears them in the comfort of his home.

• He always tries to be the proudest father of his daughters.

• As he got older, he started wearing glasses.

• Taub got a cat named Lawietee. He named it after Lawrence & Thirteen. Its has mix of black & brown colored fur.

• Taub's favorite way to spend time with daughters is playing board games.

• Taub can play the trumpet, even though he is ashamed of it.

• His musical taste is mix of classical, blues, jazz and pop.

• Chris is not really a halloween liker, but he doesn't stop his daughters from celebrating this day and goes with them to collect the candies.

• Taub loves to play video games on his console in his free time.

#chris taub #dr house #house md #i♥️taub #headcanons

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deeplyclosetedjameswilson · 9 months ago

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house characters as high school teachers but none of them can teach bio bc thats cheating

house - physics. specifically ap physics, 1+2 and c. has the best pass rate in the state but thirteen tells him it doesnt matter because his class sizes are tiny (his reputation scares lots of students off). doesn't grade a damn thing, hasn't lesson planned since dinosaurs roamed the earth. department head but really cameron is doing his job

foreman - calculus and geometry. taking ap calc concurrently with dr houses ap physics c is not for the faint of heart. actually a really good teacher. grades harshly but also gives really good feedback. almost impossible to earn an A in his class unless you really understand the material, but he's always available for extra help. kind of dry so hes unpopular with the younger kids. math department head

chase - gym teacher. his first year of teaching the kids screenshotted his instragram pfp and put it up on posters around the school.

cameron - i know i said no bio but cameron is the freshman bio teacher that all the students adore. definitely has kids eating lunch in her classroom. does all of house's department head paperwork. not as good as giving feedback as foreman but she is better about giving chances to go back and retake tests, make up assignments etc. runs the national honor society

wilson - exclusively teaches english class for seniors. literally impossible to fail his class because you just start crying during extra help and he passes you. big on watching movies in class but will assign one of those worksheet to follow along with. its ok if you dont do it because again, you can sniffle and he will give you a 65. if the school can't find a theatre teacher for the year he's an ok backup but insists on doing the classics. have you ever seen high schoolers perform the works of henrik ibsen? english department head

kutner - english teacher, sophomores and juniors. really big on creative writing. class is extremely disorganized, so you're not always sure what you're supposed to be learning but you're having a good time so it doesn't matter. if he thought ahead enough to make his students hold on to all their work they'd have an amazing portfolio but unfortunately he accidentally threw out all your essays from december (he tells you this in april). they were great though. helps run all the extremely nerdy clubs.

thirteen - another math teacher. kind of like foreman she teaches both upper level kids, but in statistics, and the lower level kids in algebra 1. really good at explaining concepts in ways you wouldn't have thought of. dry sense of humor but the kids love it. students have many theories as to why she's called thirteen (that was the average grade on her final, she fails 13 kids a year, her classroom is haunted and she's the 13th teacher to use it) but its because she was house's 13th student teacher (and the 2nd to actually make it into education despite house's best efforts to convince her otherwise)

taub - career change into teaching. combo sociology and psychology teacher. his class isn't the most interesting, but he's a decent teacher. occasional pop quiz and presentation but otherwise he shows off his powerpoint every day and makes you take a quiz on friday. loves to show a movie in class but unlike wilson he does expect you to turn in the worksheet, cmon its literally 5 questions suck it up. coaches golf

cuddy - the principal. she would like a liquor store gift card for an end of year gift please

#house md #not tagging everyone jfc

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greghatecrimes · 2 years ago

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youtube

Home - House M.D.

A little tribute to the show and characters that have brought me a lot of happiness this summer and that feel a little bit like home.

(dialogue subtitles available on youtube!)

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henley-reeves · 7 months ago

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"House MD" was the first show that I was absolutely obsessed with 24/7 since I was a kid. I was in love with Huddy, they made me insane like no other ship did before. I remember I rewatching the last 2 episodes of season 5 on a loop all summer until season 6 came out. And I always knew this relationship would end up in tragedy but the way the writers ruined them is just incomprehensible to me. There were so many ways to end it badly but in a well-written way, Its like they didn't even know how to write this ship. They did mutual pining, mutual annoyance-to-lovers so well, and then when it was time to deliver the actual relationship, they lost it after a few episodes and imo, made both characters ooc in so many instances I lost count. The way they ended this relationship made Cuddy look bad, and then they did it with House but made him look even worse in the season finale, that I still hate to this day. And then the show got ruined because an important part of it disappeared. "House" was good because it was an ensemble cast show, it consisted of many elements like puzzle pieces that created the atmosphere, made this show special. And if you take away one element, the whole picture fractures and falls apart. That's why most of the characters that made this show what it was, were present even in recurring roles. That's why when Cameron, Kutner, Thirteen and Amber left the show, it didn't feel the same anymore. And when Cuddy left, the show just lost flavour. And that's why the series finale was not as good as it could be either, because Cuddy was supposed to be there. I don't remember much of what happened after "Bombshells" but didn't House have Cuddy's picture with him in prison where he went AFTER he drove a car through her house? How come she wasn't there in the finale when she was such an important part of his life for decades? A person he wanted to be with so badly that he hallucinated a whole day of romantic relationship with her. Hello?

I read a big review of the series finale by an official online source when it came out, that said the episode was fantastic except there was a huge elephant in the room because Cuddy wasn't there. I haven't thought about this in years, but now I'm rewatching and I'm reminded how badly the show went downhill and it still makes me angry.

Anyway, I miss this show and I think that despite its flaws, it was absolutely amazing overall, but it is a very good example of how the formula of the show only works if you don't mess with it or remove the integral ingredients that made it whole.

And a reminder to writers that "will they or won't they?" only works well when the writers KNOW how to write "they will" in a satisfying way that doesn't make the relationship go off the rails and lose its spark.

#house md #text #yeah don't mind my rambles I just wanted to put my thoughts somewhere #i will always love huddy and they still live in my heart as one of my all time favourite ships #but to me their story ended in season 6 finale

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berrywinner · 21 days ago

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hey i heard you were taking requests. Do something nice with Kutner. Whatever comes to your mind. Make it taubner, make him act stupid in front of his colleagues, I don't really care. I just want him to be happy

Everybody needs a Kutner

Kutner stirred awake to the soft glow of dawn filtering through the curtains. He turned to find Taub still peacefully asleep beside him. A tender smile graced Kutner's lips as he pressed a gentle kiss on his forehead, his fingers lingering to trace the curve of his partner's cheek.

"Chris," Kutner whispered, pressing a gentle kiss to Taub's temple. "Time to wake up."

Taub groaned softly, eyes fluttering open to meet Kutner's affectionate gaze. "Morning already?" he murmured, voice thick with sleep.

"Afraid so," Kutner replied, his hand sliding down to entwine their fingers. "But I'll make breakfast."

In the kitchen, the aroma of freshly brewed coffee and sizzling bacon filled the air. Kutner had set the table with care, placing a single flower in a vase at its center. As Taub entered, adjusting his tie, Kutner approached with a playful grin, looping his arms around Taub's waist.

"Before you say anything," Kutner began, nuzzling into the crook of Taub's neck, "yes, I may have gone a bit overboard. But we have a long day ahead and we deserve it."

Taub chuckled, turning in Kutner's embrace to face him. "You're incorrigible," he said, pressing a lingering kiss to Kutner's lips.

At Princeton-Plainsboro Teaching Hospital, the diagnostic team assembled around the whiteboard. House detailed their latest case: a 42-year-old woman experiencing unexplained syncope, a rash on her left arm, intermittent fevers, and hallucinations in which she's kidnapped by aliens.

Kutner, standing beside Taub, leaned in to whisper, "Sounds like the plot of a sci-fi thriller."

Taub smirked, elbowing him gently. "Focus, Lawrence."

Thirteen observed their exchange with a raised eyebrow. "You two are unusually chipper today," she remarked.

Kutner grinned, throwing an arm around Taub's shoulders. "What can I say? Love is a great motivator."

House rolled his eyes. "If you're done with the PDA, maybe we can save a life?"

As the team dispersed to run tests, Kutner and Taub found themselves in the lab. Kutner, ever the playful one, struck a superhero pose.

"Dr. Taub, ready to combat medical mysteries with me?" he declared dramatically.

Taub laughed, shaking his head. "You're ridiculous."

Thirteen entered just in time to witness Kutner's antics. "Is he always like this?" she asked, amused.

"Only when he's had too much coffee," Taub replied, though his fond smile betrayed his true feelings.

Kutner smirked. "I call it controlled chaos."

Thirteen snorted. "More like barely controlled."

"Hey, controlled enough that House hasn't fired me yet," Kutner shot back, winking.

That got a laugh out of her. "That’s a dangerously low bar, Kutner."

During a particularly tense moment, Kutner took out a small, plush alien from his lab coat pocket, making it "consult" on the case.

"Dr. Alien recommends a full metabolic panel," Kutner announced, moving the toy as if it were speaking.

Thirteen stifled another laugh, shaking her head. "Where do you even find this stuff?"

"Emergency preparedness," Kutner said with a grin. "You never know when a patient will claim alien abduction."

Taub shook his head, unable to suppress his smitten smile. "You're impossible."

Thirteen smiled "Yeah but I think everybody needs a Kutner in their lives"

After concluding their duties, Kutner and Taub retreated to their shared apartment. Living with Kutner was fun, until he was full of energy after the entire day. Taub loved it, but at the same time, he was exhausted.

"Come on, Chris," Kutner urged, pulling Taub to his feet. "Let's see those moves."

Taub chuckled, allowing himself to be led. "You're going to kill me. I'm getting old, you know."

As they swayed to the music, Kutner's hands roamed to cup Taub's face, bringing their foreheads together. "I love you," he whispered.

Taub's eyes softened, his arms encircling Kutner's waist. "I love you too, Lawrence."

#house md #lawrence kutner #chris taub #dr kutner #dr taub #i love kutner #remy hadley #remy thirteen hadley

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kutner-elegist · 5 months ago

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this will be kutner related bc i love my idiot indian man. make him make thirteen eat spicy food. she dies. kutner doesn't even have a particularly high spice tolerance thirteen is simply white

apologies for not following your request exactly but lest we forget Kutner was raised by white parents eating white people food and to me Kutner is likely Gujarati and/or Punjabi gleaning from his late parents' names and also the fact that Kal Penn is Gujarati and those regions have less spicy foods compared to southern India and also Thirteen seems like she can take some spice (for a white person) so this is gonna be a bet (Hot Ones style if you've ever seen them) that comes close but Kutner wins only because he is more committed to the bit and masochistic than Thirteen (the end part got sad just so you know)

Kutner and Thirteen sat across from each other, both their countenances intense. They each had ten pieces of buffalo wings neatly lined up before them, with cold bottles of beer on the side for palate cleansing. In the center were ten different bottles of hot sauce. Quiet severity emanated from their staring match.

House towered over them at the head of the table. Foreman, Taub, Wilson and Cuddy were on the opposite side.

Foreman broke the silence. “What exactly are they doing again?”

Taub tilted his head, his eyebrows still raised. “They’re playing chicken with … chicken wings, I guess.”

“Hot wings,” Kutner emphasized.

“Kutner is Kutner, but why are you doing this?” Foreman said to Thirteen.

“He thinks I can’t handle spice because I’m white.”

“Why do you care—”

“Ask questions later,” House cut him off. “The game is on. Ante omnia, we must ensure that they haven’t used any performance enhancing drugs. Their blood was screened for painkillers, and Wilson watched them until the results came back all negative. If they used local anesthetics that might be undetectable such as Cetacaine, its effects should have worn off by now, but we still need to make sure.”

“You let them do blood tests for this?” Foreman asked Cuddy.

“They paid for it.” Cuddy shrugged.

“Shush.” House scolded Foreman. He then commanded, “Kutner, say ‘Imagine an imaginary menagerie manager managing an imaginary menagerie.’”

“Imagine an imaginary menagerie manager managing an imaginary menagerie,” Kutner obliged effortlessly.

“Now Thirteen.”

“Imagine an imaginary menagerie manager managing an imaginary menagerie,” Thirteen glided through the tongue twister as well.

House held up one of the hot sauce bottles, the label facing the spectators. “We shall begin with Cholula Original, around 1000 in the Scoville scale. On your mark, get set, eat!”

They bit into their chicken wings. In the blink of an eye, they were both holding defleshed bones.

“This isn’t even spicy.” Kutner put down the bone.

“It’s regular stuff,” Thirteen agreed.

They raised their beers, clinked their bottles together and took a small sip.

“Next up, Valentina Black Label, 2100 SHU. On your mark, get set, eat.”

They quickly ate them up again, and licked the sauce off their fingers.

“This is nothing,” said Kutner.

“Nothing,” Thirteen repeated.

Again, they had a sip of beer just to cleanse the palate.

“Third, Tapatío, 3000 SHU. On your mark, get set, eat.”

“It’s alright,” said Kutner.

“Uh-huh,” said Thirteen.

Thirteen drank a little more beer than Kutner.

“Tapatío is hot,” said Taub.

“To you.” Kutner looked at Taub with his smug grin.

“Quaker Steak Buckeye BBQ, 5000. On your mark, get set, eat.”

Kutner devoured it quickly. “Now we’re getting somewhere.”

Thirteen took a little longer, but finished it soon enough. She held her sip of beer a little bit before swallowing it.

“Tabasco Habanero, 7000. On your mark, get set, eat.”

“Ooh, it’s starting to hit,” said Kutner.

Thirteen’s pale skin was flushed, but she remained composed. They both had a gulp of beer.

“We are only halfway there. The sixth is Crazy Jerry’s Brain Damage, 11,000. On your mark, get set, eat.”

“Why are you eating something called Brain Damage?” Foreman stepped forward. “It will certainly hurt your GI system.”

“Only a little, and temporarily at that. These are all FDA approved for retail,” said House.

Neither Kutner nor Thirteen responded to Foreman. They managed to finish the wings, but not as easily. Kutner silently drank his beer. Thirteen fanned her face with her other hand while she drank hers.

“You can stop anytime you want, you know,” said Kutner.

“You wish,” Thirteen retorted, but she was a little out of breath.

“Dragon Repellant Knightmare, 15,000. On your mark, get set, eat.”

Thirteen hesitated before biting in. Kutner gobbled it up, as if he wanted to get it over with as fast as possible. They emptied their beers, and House replaced the empty bottles with new ones. Thirteen fanned her face with both of her hands. The redness spread to her neck. Kutner was getting flushed as well, just not as noticeable on his deeper complexion.

“They’re FDA approved for a little dip, not whole chicken wings covered in them.” Foreman approached Thirteen. “Remy.”

Thirteen dismissed Forman with the wave of her hand. “I can take it, okay?”

Foreman turned to the rest of the spectators. “This is stupid!”

“Which is why it’s funny,” said Taub.

Wilson nodded in agreement.

“Why are you allowing your employees to endanger their health?” Foreman asked Cuddy.

“They’ll do it even if I tell them not to, and I’d rather be present in case damage control is needed.”

“Foreman is trying to dissuade Thirteen, which is only going to motivate her more. He’s interfering with the competition by giving unfair advantage to one side,” said Kutner.

“Yes. Foreman, shut up. Taub, say something discouraging to Kutner to make it even,” said House.

“I don’t think the guy who willingly electrocuted himself can be discouraged from anything,” said Taub.

“True, and that statement would have the desired effect, so good enough. Blair’s Jalapeño Death, 20,000. On your mark, get set, eat.”

“Whoa.” Kutner recoiled after eating it, breathing rapidly. He chugged the cold beer. He took off his hoodie.

Thirteen coughed. She tried to drink beer to cool down, but ended up choking on it a little. Foreman leapt toward her. House barred him with his cane. “No entering the ring if you’re not playing.”

“You know what,” said Thirteen, coughing and breathing heavily. “You win, Kutner. I give up.”

“Technically, he has to complete the next round to win. Otherwise, it’s a tie.” House looked at Kutner.

Kutner’s face was distorted with agony, but he muttered, “Bring it on.”

“Very well. Blair’s Original Death, 30,000. Whenever you’re ready.”

Kutner took some time to regain his composure, and ate the ninth chicken wing. He immediately washed it down with the rest of his beer.

“We have a winner!” House exclaimed.

Wilson and Taub clapped and cheered. Cuddy rolled her eyes. Thirteen finally calmed down from her coughing fit and she kept drinking the beer. Kutne, however, remained seated. His eyes were fixed on the last remaining wing on the plate.

“Come on, you won. It’s over.” Taub tapped Kutner on the shoulder.

Kutner reached for the last hot wing. Everyone felt their own bodies growing tense as he painfully finished it off. House handed him another beer, and he chugged it down. He panted, and his skin glistened with sweat.

“You’re insane!” Thirteen yelled.

“That one was called Pain 100%, 40,000. This proves my hypothesis that you are a masochist.”

“I’m not a masochist!” Kutner protested between gasps.

House leaned over toward Kutner. “You already won. You didn’t have to touch that last one. You love to gloat, but right now you’re in too much pain to do that. You want pain more than you want victory.” House stepped away from the table and walked over to Wilson.

“This wasn’t as entertaining as I thought it would be,” Wilson said to House.

“We didn’t do it for your entertainment,” said Kutner. He was still recovering from Pain 100%.

“What did you do it for?” Taub asked.

“It’s not a dare if there’s a purpose,” Kutner replied.

“So you did it for nothing.”

“Pretty much.”

Taub sighed. “Have fun digesting all that. I’ll see you tomorrow, unless you need a sick day.” He walked out.

“At least this is over,” Cuddy grumbled before she left.

House and Wilson left as well. Kutner and Thirteen cleaned up the table. Foreman stayed behind to help.

“It’s still pretty impressive that you lasted as far as you did.” Kutner’s gloating smirk was back.

Thirteen laughed. “My insides are already burning.”

“I’ll finish cleaning up. You go get some rest. Drink water,” said Foreman. His eyes followed Thirteen through the window until she was out of sight. Then, he hissed, “Why did you put her up to this?”

“House and I ironed out the details, but having a match was her idea.” Kutner shrugged, his eyes wide open.

“You provoked her first.”

“I didn’t mean to provoke her, okay? It was an off-handed joke.”

“You should have said no when she wanted to do a match! You know she has—”

Foreman stopped mid-sentence because Kutner stepped closer, almost getting in his face. “She has a fatal neuromuscular degenerative disease. You think you know where it goes because you’re a neurologist, but you don’t. Neurologists just refer them to rehabilitation and follow up every now and then. You don’t even do that, because you work for House now. You confirm a diagnosis and your work is done. I did my residency in rehabilitation medicine. I’ve seen where it goes, many times over. Lifestyle changes are helpful, but it doesn’t change the destination or the course. It hardly even delays the inevitable. If she wants spicy chicken wings, she’ll have the goddamn spicy chicken wings. I’ll do whatever she asks to make her day exciting. I care about her. Maybe not in the way that you do, but I do. I won’t apologize for her decisions to you.” Kutner stormed out of the room.

Foreman continued to wipe the already-clean surface of the table.

#house md #house md fanfic #lawrence kutner #remy thirteen hadley #eric foreman #flash fanfic request

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